#FOR REAL THOUGH im not like mad at you or anything i promise but i really would appreciate a bit of discretion being used before sending me

[luveline]

hellooo!! im not sure if your requests are open so feel free to ignore this but i was wondering if you could write for tasm!peter where the reader just got her wisdom teeth removed and she’s all loopy on anesthetics and forgets peter is her boyfriend? i saw this video where this girl got her wisdom teeth pulled and forgot she was dating her boyfriend and fell in love with him all over again😭😭

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPR7sGQo5/

thank you for your request! ♡ fem, 1k

"Here she is," the nurse says gently, walking you out with his arm behind your back. "Alright, say hi to Peter." 

"Hi, Peter," you mumble, eyes on the floor. 

Peter grins at you, worry warm at the back of his throat. "Hey. Is that everything?" he asks, nodding at the nurses paper bag of aftercare. 

"Everything you'll need." The nurse helps Peter take over, hoisting your arm over his shoulders before stepping away. "Alright, feel better, okay? And don't hesitate to call if something comes up. We're here to look after you." 

You seem appreciative in your fog, but it's hard to tell. Peter curls his arm around your hip and gives it a soft rub as he leads you to the stairs. Whoever devised the floor plan here had murder on their mind —the second floor is completely inaccessible. Luckily, Peter has a lot of strength at his disposal. 

You can feel it. "Woh, you're strong," you murmur. 

"You know that already." His grip on you tightens, pretty much carrying you down the tight staircase. 

"Do I?" you ask. You make a sound like you're hurting, a squeak. 

"I'd hope so." At the end of the staircase, he sits you down, worried you're not feeling well. "You okay? I can princess carry you if you need me to." 

You look at him with wide eyes. He turns to check there's no one standing behind him, but you're really looking at him. "What?" he asks, touching your knee, imploring. "You look like you've seen a ghost." 

"You're Peter?" you ask. 

Ah, the amnesiac effect of anaesthetic. His touch turns comforting, stroking your thigh with as much care as he can drive into his palm alone. "That's me. Hey, if you're forgetting me, does that mean you're not mad at me for last Friday anymore? 'Cos I know you said you forgive me but I can tell it still pisses you off–" 

Your eyes fall to his hand. "Why would I be mad at you?" you ask. 

"I finished the milk and put the carton back in the fridge, even though I promised I'd stop doing it. You see the jug and think there's milk left. We were gonna have macaroni and cheese..." He nudges your fingers with his. "Are you okay? You don't look like yourself."

"What do I usually look like?" 

"Not so, you know. Daunted." 

"You're really handsome," you whisper, refusing to meet his eye. 

"Oh, you think so?" 

You nod like your head is too heavy. You're embarrassed, you sweetheart, oh my god Peter could cry into your lap. 

"Let's get you to the car, baby." 

"Where are we going?" The gauze gives you the world's most adorable lisp, and it turns your gasp into a hum as Peter stands you up. 

"Home." 

"Together?" 

"Yeah, we live together. It's a nice place, and you're a great decorator, you know? It's cozy." 

"Thank you," you say shyly. 

You're not not shy with him, but it's been a long time since you got so quiet over a practically innocuous comment. He wants to see how you'll react to real compliments, over the top stuff that he one hundred percent means. It's a little mean, but when will you ever be like this again? 

He helps you out past the desk and onto the street to your car where it's parked a half a block down. "Don't worry about all this, okay? I'm gonna take such good care of you, sweetheart. There's an ice pack and a brand new comforter with your name on it waiting at home." Peter smiles at your starry eyes as they flash to his, amazed at his simple plans. "How does that sound, beautiful? Is there anything you want before we head home? Anything that would make you feel better?" 

"You're gonna take care of me?" you ask breathlessly. 

"That's my job. That's my number one boyfriend duty." 

"You're my boyfriend?" 

"I am!" he says happily, laughing as he speaks. "For a while. I've been trying to take things further but you're always really shy about getting married–" 

"You want to get married? To me?" 

Peter presses a soft kiss to your cheek. "You're the only person I'd ever want to get married to. We already picked the flowers–" 

"We did?" 

He laughs again, all your questions. He loves regular you but loopy you is especially endearing. "Last time I got super drunk, yeah. You never let me forget it." 

"So you love me?" you ask, stopping short.

"I love you so much," he says immediately, hugging you into his side. He dots another kiss against the top of your head. "You should remember that even if you don't remember me." 

"I love you," you say quietly. 

Peter doesn't know if that's your memory returning, or if you've fallen in love with him in the last fifteen minutes. He could easily fall in love with you that quickly, and yet he's still amazed at your confession. 

"That's good. That's great. Thank you, sweetheart," he says, desperate to hold your face in his hands but weary of causing you future pain. "There's your car," —he points, lowering his head to yours to make sure you can see it, hand now protectively held between your shoulder blades— "let's go home now. Yeah?" 

You start walking again at his requests. He can pretty much see the steam rising off of your face, giddy with happiness at these revelations. You're together, you're in love, and you think he's handsome. He wonders what you'll have to say about his biceps in this state of delirium; you go crazy for his arms sober. 

Which reminds him. 

"I totally have another secret to tell you," he says, unlocking the car as you approach and helping you into the passenger seat. 

"What is it?" you ask. 

Peter closes you in and skirts around the door, climbing into the driver's seat. He's glad that New York is as ridiculously loud as ever, because not even the closed doors or your sodden gauze can smother the way you shriek.

"My boyfriend is Spider-Man?!" 

[nervoussagittarius]

what could possibly go wrong?

matt sturniolo x influencer!reader

summary: matt tries to teach his girlfriend how to play fortnite on a twitch stream, request

warnings: lots of fluff, swearing, fortnite?, some suggestive jokes, yapper! reader

“babe, come sit with me. i just started the stream. people are joining, only for you i think” matt laughed

“of course they are they love me. i keep it real and i’m hilarious” you replied pulling out the extra chair by matt’s desk and sitting down.

“okay, so here’s your controller, and i’m gonna put the headset on you so people can hear you talk.” matt gently placed the headset on you and brushed a piece of hair out of your eyes.

matt got up for a second telling you that he was going to the kitchen to get a drink. you jokingly slapped his ass on his way out. you quickly looked between the camera and the chat trying to read what everyone was saying.

“guys, you want to know what i was thinking about today?” you waited to see their responces even though you were most likely going to tell them anyway.

“so i was driving around la today, and it’s getting hot out again, so everyone’s driving their convertibles. and i drove past like four of them. all i could think about was how easy it would be to steal the car, not that im going to, but how do people feel comfortable leaving their shit open like that”

matt walked back in as you continued to rant about convertibles, “i don’t know about you but half of my life is in my car. if i had a convertible people could easily just take all of my stuff”

matt looked at you dumbfounded, “what are you on about kid?” you looked up at him with admiration on your face.

“im telling them how i feel about convertibles. look they’re mad that you interrupted me.” you pointed at the chat. they were all waiting for you to finish your thought. “this is why we don’t like men guys, they just like to interrupt and be the center of attention”

matt cut you off before you could go on another tangent. “okay, we all know they love when you come on here, but let’s play fortnite.”

you looked at matt trying to hold yourself back. you looked at the camera and gave them a wink.

“what”

“… that’s what she said”

you stood up when you noticed something on the shelf about matt’s desk.

“dude you ass is in my face, and your…boobs… are in the camera” he said awkwardly as he pulled your arm for you to sit back down. he waited to see what you grabbed.

“don’t act like it’s the first time my ass has been in your face,” you sat down holding up your space camp lipbalm to the camera. “shameless plug. go buy it right now. immediately. instantly.”

you applied the chapstick as matt looked at you with puckered lips. he was expecting you to apply the lipbalm on him but instead you gave matt a kiss with a giggle.

“okay so fortnite” matt said trying to get you back on track, blushing.

“yes yes let’s do it” you replied.

“do you know how to use the controller?”

“yes sir, i think i do”

matt looked at you with a raised eyebrow in question. you didn’t let up though, you were sure you could figure out how to use the controller in secret.

“so you have to start by picking a character.”

“i’m indecisive. can you pick for me?” you said with a smile.

“no babe, you got it just pick one.” matt said with a chuckle. he set his chin in your shoulder to get a better look.

“i’m gonna go bonkers if i have to make decisions this whole time, matt”

“no there’s just one i promise. everything else is preloaded from me so you don’t have to worry,” he leaned forward to kiss your neck lovingly.

“i love when you make things easy for me. thanks baby.” you said taking your hand off the controller for a second to lace your arm through matt’s.

matt and you had been together for a while now, and with you both having lives on the internet a lot of your relationship was public.

the fans went crazy for anything related to the two of you. they loved you guys together. you had very different personalities, but it seemed to click flawlessly. they always said that opposites attract.

while matt was more reserved, you tended to speak your mind and talk about anything and everything. you were a certified yapper and proud of it, baby. your yapping kept the fans fed on the insides of yours and matt’s relationship. consensually of course.

“okay, so you’re just going to drop in and see what happens”

“what do you mean drop in? im just letting myself fall?” you were very confused on the workings of video games.

“yep, now just make sure you aware of your surroundings”

“making sure i’m aware of my surroundings, got it. i’m just gonna run over here and see what i can find.” you drowned on.

things went smoothly for a couple minutes. you managed to stay alive and not show that you really didn’t know what you were doing with the gaming controller.

all of a sudden you heard distant shots being fired from behind you. not thinking anything of it you kept of running about.

“y/n they’re shooting at you.”

“oh! wait what? where?” you had no clue what was happening. things were going by so fast.

“turn around and shoot at them.”

“matt what?” he was trying to point to where they were on your screen. “dude i don’t even know how to shoot”

“what! i thought you said you knew how to use the controller”

“yeah well i lied” you said panicked.

“these teenage boys are probably laughing at me and that’s a scary thought. teenage boys are scary.” you whined.

you kept pressing random buttons trying to figure out how to fire back, but it was no use. you rushed and threw the controller in matt’s hands so he could take over.

he some how managed to get the kill and your player only ended up injured.

by this point you had given up on the attempts to play fortnite.

you let matt fully take over now. as he played a few more rounds you began to converse with the chat. answering questions and just rambling about some interesting topics.

“y/n what’s going on in your head right in this moment?” you read from the chat. “um, i was thinking about how i was vlogging earlier and there was a spider in my room. i simply couldn’t believe it. i trapped it, but i made matt come get it out of my house”

“that’s very true. i had to drive over there for moral support.”

“my knight in shining armor.” you smiled, looking up at him. “my handsome prince”

matt blushed from your comment as he finished the game he was in while you continued taking to the viewers. you guys decided to wrap things up 5 minutes later.

“how are you feeling now that you know kinda how to play?” matt questioned.

“i feel like i’d rather sit next to you and talk to the chat while you play then actually play myself. i think i’m more content watching you play, but it was a good experience. thank you for teaching me, baby” you kissed matt on the cheek as he began to end the stream.

“i’m gonna be honest, i was stressed for you.” matt stated.

“i was to anxious. i didn’t like having to be in high alert 24/7”

“alrighty, bye guys thanks for hanging out with us”

you blew a kiss to the camera as the filming came to an end.

“can we go to bed now,” you questioned matt as you stretched and got out of your chair.

“yeah of course we can” matt replied pulling you over to his mattress with him.

an: i hope you enjoy this. tbh i know nothing about fortnite so i hope this made sense and met your expectations 🤍🤍

[luminouslywriting]

Bob headcannon Faking being a man in the easy company then getting discoverd ,and maybe make slightly romantic

Hi hon! This one was super fun :) im steadily working through the requests but I’ve got a huge pile of them haha! Feel free to keep sending me requests though! I love them! More under the cut, cut for length, some light spice and mentions of the female body included, some are platonic and some are not:

Dick Winters:

-Listen, this man clocks it straightaway. He’s practically the leader of Easy Company in Toccoa and he just KNOWS 😂

-That being said, he’s also not gonna confront you about it unless problems arise or you being a woman becomes prevalent. He will, however, keep a closer eye on you and watch your back more. -Becomes your friend genuinely in the hopes that you’ll trust him enough to ask for help when you need it. -The least likely to make a move on you the entire time….but also the one who hides the fact that he has feelings so that you won’t get discovered. -And when you finally actually tell him and he’s not surprised?? He’s just glad that you have someone to talk to and that he can be there for you during all of this. -Probably comes to find you after the war and tells you how he feels

Lewis Nixon:

-Also knows since Toccoa. He’s the intelligence officer and he’s out here side-eying you from day one 👀

-Which means he’s not hovering but he definitely pays attention when you’re mentioned and keeps an eye on whatever you’re up to

-Probably offers you a drink at least once and that’s when information is shared and he’s just like, “yeah?? Tell me something I don’t know lol.” -Also offers to share a foxhole with you and makes sure that you don’t freeze to death. Is actually very soft on you. -Confides in you about his marriage problems and you tell him all about your life back home and what was going on. -Honestly?? It’s giving friends to lovers vibes later down the road. You two would reconnect after some years and fall in love.

Ronald Speirs:

-Finds out on D-Day when you two end up near one another and is not even in the slightest surprised. Because of course you’re here and not back home and suddenly everything makes much more sense. -But because he’s not in Easy, he’s not about to say anything. He does do his best to talk with you when the opportunity presents itself. -Probably actually worries about you during Bastogne and is relieved to be transferred over to Easy so that he can better keep an eye on you/protect you. -You two have a sweet conversation at the church and he promises that he’ll do his best to protect you and keep you from harm. -Honestly, he’s more impressed than anything else and has mad respect for you and what you’re doing. -Won’t admit any feelings until the end of the war though.

Buck Compton:

-Finds out by accident…..in a foxhole….during Bastogne

-It’s a whole mess honestly. There you are just trying to get some things done and he walks in on you and is just 🤯 shooketh tbh

-Treats you like a lady when it’s just the two of you and asks if you’ll share the foxhole so that he can better protect your decency/honor haha. -You two become good friends and he’s real worried about you but then he ends up going to the field hospital after Bill and Joe get hit. -So you write him faithfully the entire rest of the war and you help him get through a lot of his trauma and figure out his feelings. -He has a soft spot for you forever.

Carwood Lipton:

-You know that scene where he gets injured and it’s a whole panic because he’s worried he’s lost a certain appendage? Now imagine that in reverse. -The minute he realizes that you are not, in fact, a man, he’s speechless, befuddled, panicked, and in slight shock

-GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!? This poor man has a whole internal panic about it because clearly you need to talk with him and figure some things out. -He really wants to tell Winters about the entire thing but you convince him that it won’t happen again and that you’ve got this

-Big brother Lipton activated; he’s out here being a total helicopter parent and concerned af about your life decisions

-From this point on, you basically have someone at your side 24/7 and who literally adores you in the most platonic way.

Joe Liebgott:

-He accidentally finds out when he sneaks into the showers in Toccoa and finds you there (cue the Spider-Man meme haha)

-Immediately panics and closes his eyes and is just freaking out because why the hell is there a girl here??? -Wants to tell people but is actually very good at keeping the secret. Probably becomes a Lowkey guard-dog in order to better watch your back. The last thing anyone needs is the wrong sorta person finding out that you’re not a man. -Besties who slay with humor….and who have each other’s backs. -Is always willing to share food and blankets and supplies with you. He’s very sweet on you. -Absolutely wants to be with you after the war is over.

Donald Malarkey:

-Again, total accident that he finds out?? He goes to collect laundry after D-Day and finds you with some stained red clothing that you’re trying to clean. It’s an oof moment. -At first, the girl math is not mathing and he’s confused. -But he has sisters and automatically becomes a safe place for you to go to and someone who you can rely on or talk to. -He’s a great foxhole partner and someone easy to talk to. He wants to hear about why you wanted to be a paratrooper and is a great help with helping you act like a guy. -Relies on you a ton during Bastogne and afterwards….appreciates your support and values your friendship. -And yes, he has a tiny crush on you haha.

Eugene Roe:

-Figured it out pretty quickly, a la menstrual cycle 👀 but also isn’t getting paid enough to confront you about it?? -So if you come to him and talk to him about the issues, then you two will be good friends. He drinks respect women juice in plenty so there’s no problems there. -The bestie vibes are immaculate and he simply adores you. You might be the person to get him to talk most. -He’s always the one who patches you up or helps you with what you need. And when you offer to share your foxhole with him, he’s a little bit of a blushing mess. -Has had a crush on you for most of the time he’s known you and does have a few small pet names in French. -You two probably start a secret relationship and are engaged before you even get back to the states. And yes, everyone is baffled haha.

Bill Guarnere:

-Super in love from day 1 he found out you were a girl? A girl who can handle herself and keep up with the men? Now that’s impressive. -Also found out by accident and it’s because he saw the blood in your sheets and was *le gasp*

-Is very good at keeping the secret and tries to push you to keep going and encourages you to accomplish the things that are hard. -He’s a great support system and an even better guard dog haha. -Is super respectful and doesn’t make a single move on you….so babe, you gotta kiss him first in that snowy foxhole. -Write to him after he gets injured….you may just come out of the war with a husband haha.

Joe Toye:

-Finds out accidentally when trying to help you with an injury and immediately just feels guilty for being mean to you lol

-Honestly? This man will never breathe a word of your secret. He’s a great alibi for feminine issues and will back you up with whatever lies you need haha. -Is very sweet on you but also treats you like one of the guys?? He’s a weird mix of trying to help you feel like yourself and your alter-ego

-Always offers to share or help you with whatever you need

-Probably shares a foxhole with you and tried to keep spirits up in any way he can. -Fully intends to marry you if the both of you make it through the war.

George Luz:

-Cannot keep the secret for the life of him….or do you thought?? -He finds out accidentally once you guys get to Hagenau and you sneak out to the showers way later than everyone else 👀

-He’s the pikachu meme truly….just shocked and doesn’t know how to treat you then?? He’s going to need a learning curve to figure out how this works. -Is honestly a ride or die bestie for you at this point and wants to hear ALL the tea about how and why you did it. -Falls in love with you super easily and asks if you’ll write him when you get home

-Surprises you once you’re home and asks you out on a date :)

[t0ast-ghost]

S3 EP8 (For The World Is Hollow And I Have Touched The Sky) welp that’s the longest title in tos and this is a long post because I was not normal about this episode

Let’s get it started:

- Immediate red alert with Spock in charge

- You think they ever held hands?

- What’s got Chapel so upset? She’s most likely right about whatever it is

- The way he kind of yells and then lowers his voice and just says, “Please, Christine. I promise I’ll give the captain a full report.” He’s not actually mad at her and he knows she’s just looking out for him but he’s scared

- Bones can’t say that he’s the one who’s dying. He can’t admit it out loud. He says that the cmo has it (not even gonna try and spell the diseases name)

- “Without me, Jim? You’d never find your way back.” My heart- oh my heart. He doesn’t want to be cut away from the crew, let alone Jim and Spock.

- Spock is standing in the transporter room like, ‘What is going on?’

- This asteroid looks like the planet where Tasha dies to the goop in TNG

- I was looking at McCoy about to beat someone up and then it was violently revealed to be a stunt double… obviously

- McCoy was fairing pretty well in that fight until he looked at that lady

- Kirk not only fighting to get to an injured McCoy but begging (he’s using his words cause he cares about him sooo much)

- Normal! Normal thoughts and feelings 🙂

- Okay I know not very relevant to anything but I’m appreciating the stairs shot

- “You will kneel.” All three of them just go, ‘okay’

- Absolutely stunning wardrobe, makeup, and hair for the priestess though

- “THEN LEARN WHAT IT MEANS TO BE OUR ENEMY BEFORE YOU LEARN WHAT IT MEANS TO BE OUR FRIEND.” Get fucking zapped, idiots

- mhm mhm

- Good thing Kirk’s not a doctor (especially a therapist) cause this man is NOT confidential

- Kirk looks so sad. Holy shit .

- McCoy’s like sleeping beauty, cause he’s beautiful… and sleeping I guess

- MHM YEAH. So UHM SPOCK JUST- he just grabbed McCoy’s shoulder to help him up. Why does this have me blushing???

- “Well we’d better get to the control room.” Is this just the normal procedure? Find the control room -> blow shit up

- McCoy immediately tastes the random substance

- he’s dead. (Edit: NOT McCoy! The random guy)

- He CHOSE to sit in the sluttiest way possible. No wonder everyone wants him DAMN

- ‘Bones listen, you’ve got to seduce her. For the mission.’

- I- she loves his stunning blue eyes

- “Is there a woman for you?” He takes way too long to answer this. How do you explain that she just met your two boyfriends

- I love her. I don’t care. She’s so amazing. Like “Until I saw you there was nothing in my heart. It sustained my life, but nothing more. Now it sings. I could be happy to have that feeling for a day, a week, a month…a year.”

- Hiding behind a pillar works…

- Spock and Kirk listening to Natira asking the god if she can have McCoy as her mate and both of them look so ready to attack

- GET ZAPPED IDIOTS

- “for me” 🥺🥺🥺

- THE FUCKING HAND KISS

- “You’re returning with us.” “Dr. McCoy I order you to return with us.” Kirk knows this won’t work but he’s desperately clinging onto any last thing that could keep them together

- “Your decision is most illogical, Doctor.” “Is it, Mr Spock? Is it really?” IM SORRY THIS MOMENT?!? are we? are we not going to talk about this? There’s no real fight between them here. It’s Spock telling McCoy this is ‘illogical’ because he doesn’t want him to leave. And McCoy’s reply is calling Spock out, basically acknowledging that he knows what Spock is saying but also challenging him to find another reason for him to actually stay :(((((((((

- Kirk’s going to cry. That long look from McCoy looks like he’s going to cry. He’s going to cry. I’m going to cry.

- After the breakup :( Kirk is in silent hurt and Spock is pouting (he’s gonna listen to Logical by Olivia Rodrigo after this)

- WOW. McCoy wasn’t sure if they’d actually leave him. I think, if I may speculate, that McCoy was expecting rejection (as a doctor, crew member, friend even) because of his illness. Then Natira wants him, and as she states, she’ll have him for however long she can. Now, McCoy thinking that he’ll inevitably get pushed aside by the people he’s closest to is testing them. It’s a win- win situation for him, right? Either Spock and Kirk force him to go back with them, proving they won’t leave him, or he stays with Natira for the rest of his days. Ideal situation… but I don’t think he actually thought they’d leave him.

- congrats on the marriage I guess

- I like how McCoy is still in his starfleet uniform… no I do not, let him change clothes

- “Starfleet command will take care of the situation.” They’re gonna blow it up.

- “An urgent call from dr. McCoy, sir.” This is like after a break up texting, ‘you up?’

- McCoy stops answering the phone so Kirk and Spock immediately beam down to the planet they’re banned from to save him <3

- That was a fast divorce. This is the second time that they’ve helped each other divorce someone.

- THEYRE BEING PUT IN AN OVEN

- If McCoy and Natira went to an event together everyone there would fall in love with both of them immediately

- The chin tilt. He looks down and she tilts his chin back up. I love them both

- “Which indicates that the flow of oxygen to each cell of your body is back up to its abundantly energetic level.” Spock says this and is basically smiling in relief (you have to see it to believe it)

- Kirk is still in support of his boyfriend’s wife

Honestly 10/10 episode. Thank you so much for this one.

Masterpost

Episode written by Rik Vollaerts

[gayboyasher]

Rottmnt x child sibling reader platonic (reader’s about 7-8) who’s OBSESSED with magical girl anime’s

just some fluff moments

sorry if you this is the first kind of request you got, but if you saw my name am a huge magical girl fan😅

OH my god. Literally I understand I understand.

Leo:

Honestly you’re telling me Leo wouldn’t watch sailor moon with you!?!?!

He’s so into everything. Merch, matching costumes, trying foods from the anime, the whole shabang!!

He’d so find shows for you guys to watch (stuff that he’s totally watched before) and he’d have to tape his mouth shut because he talks during shows and he doesn’t know how you feel about that.

He’d totally spoil the show tbh…

“Oh is That Ursula? Oh my god I loved the reveal that she was shiny chariot.”

You stopped talking to him for HOURS.

It takes so much for you to forgive him. He’s willing to do ANYTHING for his little sibling. He’s promising food, snacks, re runs, walking you to and from school in broad daylight knowing the risks, anything. He loves you too much, he can’t have you mad at him! It’d break his heart.

Eventually he’d be forgiven, you guys would be chilling in a blanket and pillow fort (that you forced him to make) along with all of your favorite snacks (that you forced him to buy), and matching outfits (that you forced him to wear), you guys are enjoying everything!

Raph:

Arguably the best person to watch with.

I’m not gonna lie, he’d prefer you watching Mickey Mouse or something because he thinks they’re a little too violent. (NOTHINGS TOO VIOLENT RAAAHHHHH!!!!!)

Anyway, he’d make small comments and probably like the more sweeter characters. He also thinks sailor moon is a bad influence believe it or not.

He wants to watch a lot of the shows with you, but he can’t because you’ve already watched them all with Leo. He just wants one show for you two to watch to himself, for it to be your guys thing.

Not gonna lie to you, you guys almost did, for a week until LEO ruined it.

It made him so upset, it wasn’t the same having to re-watch a show with you knowing you’ve seen it with Leo before him. But like the best oldest brother he is, he SCOUTED. He found one that Leo didn’t watch and one that wasn’t too violent for him!

SMILE PRECURE! (Not the Netflix adapt, THEE Smile PreCure!)

“Hey, Are you sure you didn’t watch this with Leo? Yea? Okay! Good!”

Oh my god he was estatic, he had no issues (he had to fight Leo over this) and you loved the show! Win win! (His Favorite character is definitely Candy.)

Mikey:

Oh my GODDDD he loves watching any show with you!!

It doesn’t matter if it’s sailor moon to princess tutu, he is watching ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING EITH YOU!!

Mikey don’t care. He literally will watch any show with you, even if it’s something you’ve watched before with Leo or Raph, or something you’ve never EVER watched before.

He’d genuinely make you free fan art and some nice cute foods from the anime. He just genuinely LOVES getting to spend time with you and blending your interests and his together.

“I made that one dish we saw in little witch!”

Tbh, I don’t see him really liking this type of anime. I just feel like he watches it for you. He wants to see YOU smile. You are his little sibling, the one that’s younger than him, and he’s the youngest!

He really likes to watch some of them for art inspiration. He really likes sailor moon Crystal for some reason. But he also doesn’t because he believes that it’s like a remake/reboot.

He’s just a little picky, but he’s doing his best!!

Donnie:

Im gonna be honest with you. He will NOT watch it with you.

He doesn’t like those shows, he doesn’t like the magic at all, he is VERY political about this, he will stand by it.

Though, he will make you cute little trinkets and just support you watching the stuff. After all magic is not real in his eyes.

“I know you love that show, but magic isn’t real. Magic is within the science.”

He immediately regretted saying that after you took his stuff and tried to get “magic” out of them. So many things broke that day…

Donnie tried so hard to not lose it on you because your his baby sibling, but he’s also beaten up the other 3, but you’re like actually a baby…

He’s conflicted. He eventually does get over it, fixes everything, and he watches ONE episode of any anime you want. He’s barely paying attention and gives you a critical response and analysis of the show (you do NOT understand what bro is yapping about)!!!

[misc-obeyme]

Ok sorry super late but it's me the solobarb anon and yeah i was mostly talking about the art but i also find the story so silly

but anywyas about the art REOAOASFGFDSHQWHHSS first of all BARBATOS'S SHOULDERS?.$.@"!(1!$+1+"!$ i started to go insane im sure i transformed into a whole another being when i first saw that card i literally spammed my friend with it until she had to BLCOK ME for whole 5 minutes and only unblocked me when i promised to not spam her anymore 💔

AND SOLOMON'S FACE 😭😭😭 HE LOOKS SO CUTE THE LITTLE SCARY HAND POSE TOWARDS BARBATOS ONLY FOR BARBS TO LOOK BACK AG HIM LIKE HE WANTS HIM DEAD 😭😭😭 IM CRYING PLEASE

and yes i agree solobarb is way cuter when they're getting along but also JFDJWDSS angry Barbatos is so funny to me 😭 i was caught so off guard when i started to play nightbringer by the way he talks to solomon, i already shipped them before but nightbringer just made them jump to one of my biggest canon x canon ships in om

i see a lot of ppl theorizing Barbatos was mad at Solomon for another reason and just lied to mc because he doesn't trust them and tbh considering how long it took for him to open up to mc in the og game it's a very believable theory but also Barbatos getting mad at Solomon because he wasn't the first demon Solomon thought to make a pact with is very silly to me i love that part so much

also in the part of the story where mc says they'd like to do both of their ideas and Solomon just says they're greedy 😭😭😭 i hate that man so mMUCH /pos

(also is it just me or Solomon looks like he belongs in evangelion in that card like the art style looks so similar to me....)

Anon, you are not super late lol. If anything, I am the one who is late in responding... alas, I'm still always a day behind on asks...

Anyway, yes, Barb's shoulders which we so rarely get to see~ I am sayin' he looks like a freakin' bride!!

Solomon is always adorable but that funny lil rawr face is incredibly cute lol!!

I suppose you could say Nightbringer allows for them to have an enemies to lovers sort of story... and you could also rewrite the list thing to be a story about Barb feeling jealous in a boyfriend sort of way...

But dearest anon, I'm afraid I am one of those people who has theorized that Barb is lying to MC about his real reason for being mad at Solomon. I think the reason would have been funny if they hadn't made such a huge deal out of it. But Barbatos rarely displays that kind of emotion and to me it just didn't make sense for it to be something so minuscule, even if it is funny. It seems a little more plausible if you look at it through a shipping lens, though. Like if Barbatos really loves Solomon only to find that he only made it eighth on the list? That feels a little more likely to me. But even then, I feel like Barb's just not that dramatic about stuff lol. I could get into this further, but I digress!

Of course, I know a lot of people enjoyed that particular piece of the story and I'm not at all going to say that they shouldn't, so it's all good lol!

Solomon saying MC is greedy made me laugh, too! I was like exCUSE me, but you two can't agree on anything at the moment, what do you want me to do, choose a side!?!? I don't think so! If saying yes to my two faves makes me greedy, then just call me Mammon. >:(

I wish I could tell you if it was just you, but I'm not familiar enough with Evangelion to give you an opinion, I'm afraid. I'm just gonna say that you are probably right and should trust your instincts!!

[my-mt-heart]

Hi MT,

Im french and i needed to vent about something. I watched the finale when it aired in english. I cried and screamed with joy when he said i love you.

But i rewatched in yesterday, and for the first time, in french. I could not wait to hear "je t aime", also because i love the french voice actor who is quite famous here in the "dubbing" world. But i disgress.

So i watched it in french, with my popcorn, ready to hear "je t aime" . Guess what?

They translated it in... "i care about you, you know" and she answered the same.

I am fucking mad.

What were they afraid of?? That we dont consider it platonic enough?? Im curious to know how it went in other languages, if anyone can help....

I mean if in the original language they were not afraid to use i love you, platonicwise or not, why would they change it in french?? Its bad enough that all the other carylers hates us now because of te spin off 🤣 (joking... hopefully)

That said, Caryl is not the only one who suffered from it.

Rosita's "i'm glad it was you in the end" became "im proud of what you became" which litteraly doesnt mean... the same at all

The guy in the helicopter said to Rick something like "its like HE told you", dont remember the exact words but it definitely was a HE, and it became "I told you". In one case, you hear abt a mysterious character that viewers will probably meet in the spin off, in the other case it means nothing special. Please correct me if im wrong now i have doubts. It was a HE right?? In english

Anyway, i can tell u that it definitely wasnt i love you in french and im pissed beyond mesure.

Im sorry that i cant bring anything positive, i just needed to talk abt it with someone. My friends watch twd but they dont care abt shipping ...🤷‍♀️ lol

Also, now i know that even when i love the french actors that beautifully dubbs my favorite characters's voice, its still better to watch it in the original language... so much is lost in translation, or worse

Some languages translated “I love you” in a romantic context, others didn’t. It’s a really tedious task going through scripts and making notes to avoid miscommunication, and some things unfortunately get overlooked. I don’t think that’s the case here though. The real issue has nothing to do with the dubbing at all, it was the insistence on keeping Caryl’s relationship ambiguous. We can talk about body language and micro expressions all day, but the bottom line is Caryl fans shouldn’t have been expected to connect the dots for themselves after waiting years for the payoff. It was an obvious marketing ploy, a way to put a band-aid on the spinoff fiasco while making it safe enough to reinvent Daryl in the spinoff 🤦‍♀️

The thing is, Caryl fans still cherish that milestone in their relationship. Daryl spoke with conviction. It was a promise, not a goodbye as some have put it, so how the hell are we supposed to buy that he’s feeling uncertain again in the spinoff? How is that “tension” going to make us feel anything other than irritated? Carol is riding Daryl’s bike, crossing a damn ocean, and probably retracing his steps to find him. What’s Daryl doing to get back to her, specifically her, not just “people.” Not just “them.” 🤨 I don’t want to waste my time looking for subtle clues here and there. If the payoff starts with Carol, that’s whose story I want to follow to get there.

Sorry, I had some venting to do myself. I have no clue about the helicopter scene lol

[cloverpurr]

💔📝☯️💋 for the ask thing!

💋 : is there any ships out there you absolutely hate for genuinely no good reason at all. like its not problematic in the slightest, if anything it's one of the better ones, you just cannot bring yourself to enjoy it

any ship involving jayfeather or shadowsight honestly . . . in my head they will forever be aroace so whenever i see any ship art for either of them im just like . he would NOT be mates with them !! lol

as for specific ships, ive never been a fan of shadowsight and sunbeam or sunbeam and rootspring or leafpool and hawkfrost... to me with the sunbeam x shadow/root ships it just feels like people are shipping her with any tom she interacts with as a way to be like "look! this character would be a much better mate than nightheart!" and arent actually putting any thought into the ship outside of that. leafpool and hawkfrost just doesnt appeal 2 me though. im a mothpool truther <3 hehe

📝 : if commanded to, without warning, approximately how many paragraphs could you write about your favorite warrior cat before you ran out of things to say

i could write an entire essay on nightheart's character i think. probably 8 whole paragraphs until i start repeating myself haha

same goes for leafpool too as shes one of my other favs , i could probably write a whole essay about her as well :3

☯️ : what dynamic between two cats has got you up at night pacing for hours? (romantic, platonic, familial, etc)

the relationship between the three and squirrelflight/leafpool has always been interesting to me and god i wish it was explored more in canon... i feel like we never really get to see hollyleaf's true Road To Redemption and her coming to terms with everything and forgiving leafpool and squirrelflight until she dies. i really wish she wasnt killed off in the last hope btw that still makes me so mad grgargharhgar harghaarhgar hgarragh she could have been so cool and such a good character but rargh. rghrgrrrgh

honestly i love any dynamic between a cat and their parent bc thers so many rocky parent/kit relationships in wc and i love them all to death because i love projecting my own parental issues on to them . this also includes nightheart/sparkpelt and frostpaw/curlfeather and sunbeam/berryheart and the three/leafpool (and squirrelflight)... even rainflower/crookedstar and eventually crookedstar/silverstream, the ending of crookedstar's promise where he struggles to even spend time with silverkit after willowbreeze and minnowkit and willowkit's death is Heartbreaking, when he's still grieving and pushing away his one remaining kit who doesn't even know he's her father... gah. ghhra.a.rghgr hrg ahgr hahrhgh (positive) (i love relationships like this theyre so good)

💔 : have you ever lost friends over warriors related topics?

ill be real ive never actually had friends who like warrior cats. like i knew people in 5th grade who did but we never talked about the characters or discussed anything about the books we just roleplayed it during recess . . .

i do think that i probably turn a lot of Potential Friends away just because i dare to like a character that the majority of the fandom hates...which is unfortunate that the fandom has gotten to that point where liking/disliking a character will get you mass blocked by all the popular wc blogs but. oh well! at least i know im not alone in liking nightheart, there's at least a handful of nightheart fans out there <3

[arillusionist]

s&b season2ep4 reaction!! book update: i finished seige and storm. it was lwk boring and im literally so mad bc alina deserves SO much better than mal hes such a hoe. anyways

help whats going on i kinda forgot what happened in the last episode

time to go read my own reaction

HELL NAH ITS BEEN A WHOLE WEEK SINCE I WATCHED THIS SHOW?? anyways i kinda remember the last ep now but my reaction is mostly crows stuff so it wasnt That helpful

ANYWAYS

even though mal is muchhhhhh better in the show i like the direction theyre taking with alina actually marrying nikolai

then again i havent read the kos duology (yet) so i dont know anything abt his real romance story so thats probably why i dont mind

stop mal telling alina shes his nation is so cute unlike in the books

and the way they actually do have some chemistry?? im sorry for ever hating you show malina 😔😔

is that the brother i cant tell

why does baghra lwk piss me off ...i cant tell if its because she wont stfu or because shes js boring

GENYA ☹️☹️

🥱🥱

FINALLY

"it'll give me some comfort to know you're with me" ohhhdhfmyygodddd and then her smile ahhhh

i cant tell if inej is mistaking kaz telling her to leave the city as him wanting her gone, when in reality hes js tryna protect her

or if shes just not promising it because she cant

theyre so complicated they make me sick (i love them 😭😭😭)

AWW THE I LIKE YOUR STUPID FACE LINE its different but whatever

WAITT JESPER BASICALLY CALLED HIM AND KAZ BROTHERS AND KAZ DIDNT EVEN DISAGREE?? HE LITERALLY AGREED

no cuz i actually thought kaz was gnna punch him or something but thats nice

no mourners no funerals 🙏🙏

NINA DECKING KAZ HELL YEAH I NEEDED TO SEE THAT

Dont take this as me disliking kaz btw hes my 2nd favorite character i js need to see him being put in his place

i have the most out of pocket thing to say but im not gnna say it

there are two heartrenders right there why dont they just check his pulse to see if hes lying

oh now they do it

i feel like maybe this is how they incorporate the crows into alina's plot - they'll ask them to find the sword since theyre criminals and know more than just the "wider black market"

IM LITERALLY A GENIUS HELLO????

NOT ME PREDICTING IT LIKE 2 SECONDS BEFORE HE SAYS IT

they cant just show kaz and nina for two seconds and then cut to another scene hello

OH NVM its an inej scene 🙏🙏

its so dark i can barely tell whats happening

oh they did the pox thing too they really taking half of crooked kingdom's plot huh

yeah now they decide to explain the plan

kaz is actually being so much like book kaz in this scene

"the trick is not to love anything" YEAH YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT... and with nina in the background too?? i wish inej was here tho like in the books

i think shes busy saving those randos

"something you'd sacrifice everything for and it makes you weak" stop projecting

SIX FEET DEEP

see inej really needs to be here now nina and jesper kinda know his backstory but she doesnt

then again its more meaningful if he tells her on his own time

HIS SMIRK

"im begging you" "are you?" hes not begging but i can

sorry

HIM ASKING FOR THE QUITCLAIM DEED FOR INEJ 🥺🥺 him liquifying everything he owns in the books is still better tho

THE LOOK IS HIS EYES - this is not freddy carter acting as kaz this is LITERALLY kaz

lmfaoo the offended look on toyla's face

WHYD THAT ACTUALLY SCARE ME (the guy sneaking up behind mal)

ok so i have a class so i'll watch the rest later

im backkk

seeing that vasily guys face after a few hours is such a jumpscare like why is he so ugly

bruh i jus realized theyre not gonna do the thing where inej cuts a line above pekkas heart 😐another kanej moment wasted

hjdkfk wylan hiding under the table when jesper asks him out

this conversation is so awkward i keep pausing it 😭

its cute tho

omg just kiss already the tension is getting to me

finally!!! 🙏🙏

WAIT FUCK I JS REALIZED THATS ANOTHER MOMENT WASTED CUZ THEY CANT DO THE JESPER KISSING THE WRONG GUY THING IF THE SPINOFF HAPPENS

im not really liking how they did wesper anyways.... with the whole one night stand thing... 😐

ok. yeah. wow. go from super cute fluffy wesper to kanej angst. yeah. remind me of what i dont have.

kaz saying that theres a weak link in the crew and inej thinks it means her but hes actually talking ab HIMSELF because shes his weakness and shes the person he would sacrifice everything for and AUGHHH

the difference between the show and the books when kaz gives her the paper is crazy

wish they had kept the book's scene fr

waittt is nikolai adopted??

oh he is

tamar and nadia definitely have something going on its already canon that nadia is into girls so!!

did the vasily guy die i hope he did 🙏🙏

why didn't baghra just. do that before. yk BEFORE she got her damn finger cut off

"your obsession with the fold is naive" is bro talking about alina or himself

and thats it watch me wait another week again before watching the next episode 💀

[bar-les-coucougnes]

So how's figuring the game out coming along? Any progress on theories? And bonus, how do you think this will end?

well to start with, the more it goes on, the less i understand, so that's the gist of it 👍

jokes aside, spoilers ahead, probably (i'm half convinced i'm just making shit up so im not sure those spoilers are all accurate, lol):

so i know some of it was told and some of it is kind of implied so i'm just going to go through my understanding of the events:

kinzo was in love with a 1st beatrice, who killed herself. then he "made" (using a surrogate mother, maybe? or, idk, he does employ orphans so maybe he could take one from the orphanage and tell them they're beatrice now) another one, 2nd beatrice, who grew up sheltered and wearing "beatrice"'s clothes from the portrait, who rosa met and helped run away, and died on the cliff because well, those are not practical clothes.

it COULD be that the 1st and 2nd one are actually one and the same, and that along the way someone retelling the event (rosa in one case, and i think beato in the other?), was mistaken about some stuff, since you could imagine that the line between "fell of a cliff while running away" and "killed myself to escape that creep" is a bit blurry.

then there's a 3rd beatrice who should be the same age as battler, and who battler, in some way "commited a sin against". i'm going to assume the whole "you didn't have anything to do with beatrice" red truth is because this beatrice was not called beatrice back then. as for the age, since the last beatrice died 19yrs ago, there's no reason to believe kinzo would've "made" a new one until after the death so she might be under 19? if the "making" of beatrice consists of taking small orphans and brainwashing them, i guess he could do that to toddlers and still getting away with it but after 5 or 6 years old, that might be complicated.

going slightly off topic here but when it was explained that he raised beatrice since she was a child, as a father or grandfather, in the hopes that when she grows up, she returns his affections or something? i think that's called grooming

back to 3rd beato and battler, i'm going to guess that battler somehow encountered her when he was like 12, saw her looking all pitiful and stuff and was like "don't worry, just hang tight and i'll come back and save you!" and then promptly fucked off for the next 6 years (classic move). which would explain why she's really mad at him and why he's acting like that when he remembers (though, so far, he hasn't said anything about what he remembers). i'll admit this part is partially because i saw some posts about "something something white horse" (coming to save her on his white horse? they did mention he has some pretty cringy lines as a kid) which is why i can guess that's his promise and that they're about the same age.

as for why he forgot, trauma? plot-convenient amnesia? someone caught up on what he was doing (i can imagine beatrice was somewhere battler wasn't supposed to go) and gave him the beating of his life and he forgot everything in the aftermath? or remembered it as a dream and forgot? actually that does remind me beatrice mentions that after she appears to people, they tend to forget about meeting her (which is why she burned/marked kanon and was it shannon too? so that they could remember the next day that they really did meet her)

also i'm going to be honest, while scrolling past memes and posts about umineko, i did notice that people call beatrice sayo (and this is where it's going to be embarrassing if i'm mistaken and it's just a name that looks like "sayo" and i remembered wrong lol) which is, incidentally, what shannon says is her real name. honestly that doesn't help me much because i'm not sure how that would fit in, exactly. maybe shannon is the 3rd beatrice? maybe she's the 4th beatrice actually and the 3rd one died and that's the real reason why beatrice said nothing happened between battler and beatrice? my head hurts

baby off the cliff: honestly, considering how kinzo moaned about "beatrice! beatrice!" after the servant and baby were pushed off the cliff, i wonder if the baby was going to be beatrice and he was like "fuck, now i have to make a new one"? (maybe that was his way of having beatrice grow up as successor?) i mean yeah the story says the baby is now a "man" but i'm aware that there are trans characters so someone could assume the baby was a boy and then 19 years later, surprise! this is now a beatrice. then again, the opening sequence has a young man with red hair so maybe that guy is the baby from back then. or maybe the baby just died and lambda was fucking around.

rationalizing the witches and demons:

at least for renove and virgilia: one is basically genji (even says at one point that genji's basically his vessel) and the other kumasawa. you could think that, with a bit of imagination, they could turn into "one hell of a butler" demon and "fairy godmother", basically. gaap is how you rationalize misplacing your stuff all the time (hello shannon).

probably missing a lot of stuff but i'd be here until 4am

oh yeah, how do i think it will end? everybody dies and the ghosts move on. i kind of want a happy ending but i'm not sure that's realistic. so i'd rather expect a sad ending and be pleasantly surprised if it's a happy ending :)

[mirajanefairytailmage]

Rambling About a Show (10/16/2022)

⚠️SPOILER?!⚠️

I finished this drama last night after starting it on Thursday (10/13/2022). I would have rambled about it then but I was suffering from a debilitating migraine. Anyhoo, I can’t remember the exact date that I saw the preview for this one/ What I do remember is being on tiktok and watching edits of the actor Kwak Dong-yeon. I ended up seeing an edit for his character Jerry, which piqued my curiosity, and made me look up what drama the character was from... Then BAM!! 

But it took me awhile to get around to watching the drama. I honestly forgot I wanted to watch this one until I was looking up the title of a different drama on Hulu. I was looking up May It Please the Court so that I could add it to my list. Then I scrolled through the you may also like or whatever list and found Big Mouth. That’s when I remembered that I had been wanting to see it.

So this couple is going to be added to my favorite list.

Their relationship had several hardships that they faced together, which is what made me love them as a couple. Plus I loved the chemistry between the two of them. I laughed during the first episode scene where he told his wife, Ko Mi-ho, ‘congratulations on marrying me, babe’ on the night of their anniversary. (That’s what the Hulu subtitles said). I thought it was cute and funny. I also asked myself ‘who just says that?’ The only problem I had with this couple is the fact they didn’t get to grow old together. I’m mad at the writers for what they did to Ko Mii-ho and  Park Chang-ho. Seriously, what the hell was the point of giving her a terminal illness and then killing her off like that?! The scene where she dies was so heartbreaking to me, I cried so much. In a previous episode she mentions how when the time came she’d like to fall asleep while holding his hand. That’s exactly what happened. I don’t feel like her death did anything for the plot. That’s just my honest opinion though. I mean, he does keep the promise of being a good Big Mouse. That was all she asked of him. I think Im Yoon-ah and Lee Jong-suk did a fantastic job portraying their characters. The way Lee Jong-suk was able to switch from soft Park Chang-ho to extreme Big Mouse was pretty impressive to me.

Then there’s this couple...

This couple is my least favorite. Both are horrible people, which makes sense why they’re together. I’ve told my friend that this is the villain couple. Choi Do-ha as individual, is vile. This is only my opinion of his character. I was wary of the character from the moment he asked Park Chang-ho to be the lawyer for his “buddies”. Honestly, I thought he was Big Mouse for a few moments. Hyun Joo-hee.. I honestly don’t have a lot to say about her. Aside from I found her to a bit annoying and I don’t like her. I think Ok Ja-Yeon and Kim Joo-hun did a fantastic job portraying these two. They did so well that they are the most hate-able characters to me. 

This character ended up on my most annoying list...

I remember seeing Yang Kyung-won in Vincenzo as Lee Cheol-wook. I loved his character in Vincenzo. I didn’t like Kong Ji-hoon all that much. I found him to be annoying. I do think Yang Kyung-won did a fantastic job portraying this character.

So, the real Big Mouse isn’t revealed for awhile. Park Chang-ho has to survive under the guise that he IS Big Mouse. However, before the reveal, I thought I wouldn’t be surprised if Jerry or Warden Park Yoon-gab ended up being Big Mouse. I also thought at one point that it would be Mayor Do-ha. I was surprised, even though I shouldn’t have been, when it turned out to be No Park. I feel like I should have seen that coming. This show was interesting and kept me on the edge of my seat from pilot to finale. I should mention that Jerry ended up being one of my favorites and I honestly found him to be adorable. This series had a lot of unlikable characters, characters that were difficult to trust, and likeable characters. Though one question I have is why mention the serial killer son? I understand that his story ties into inmate Tak Kwang-yeon’s imprisonment. But like, they didn’t bring the serial killer into the show. They only name drop him, say his last known location, and mention that he is the son of  Chairman Kang Sung-Geun. In my opinion that would be a great plot for season two, hunt down the son to clear Tak Kwang-yeon’s name. In my opinion that would be a great plot. Of course there would need to be more than that to make an entire season two, so that’s just one major plot point. 

[irlkanamedate]

The current state of my mental health.

Gonna be real honest right off the bat. Its bad. You guys know its been bad but I mean its real bad right now.

Im a mess and it won't make any real sense i dont think so read or not, its under a cut.

[Suicidal, eating disorder, just in general bad shit I guess]

Its been months of feeling worse and worse and feeling utterly hopeless and lost. Months of constant bullshit from either my brain, my living situation, my fucking financial situation, or whatever else decides to come by and ruin what I thought was things getting better.

I find myself once again falling back into the delusional spiral because I'm having a harder and harder time regulating my emotions and mental state and if I had ever been mean or snippy or just awful to you guys, I am genuinely sorry. I dont even remember a lot of this shit I did cause my visual timeline of things have been cut so much due to just being in this black fog of self loathing.

And maybe it is my own fault for self sabotaging and dipping from so many things. Ruining friendships and all idk. Hell i can't even bring myself to actually talk to a lot of you guys cause im just so... fucking lost.

Constantly torn between multiple different sorts of realities in my brain and being too much in a constant bad mood to feel comfortable engaging or I might say something bad or be snippy so I just run away from it again and again.

I am just some kind of burden to you guys in my own mind. Some kinda burden to my own family. Just some hopeless directionless corpse that genuinely feels like I have made no real impact to anyone. And it isnt any of your faults. I know this isn't really... true. But its such an active hard struggle to fight against this pure delusional thought that I get so tired.

I get so tired trying to just... remind myself over and over. And then my brain fight back going like "if it isnt true then why are you the only one saying it? Where is your proof?" Or pulling some other bullshit move to make me believe this false reality.

Im so tired guys. But I hate being a burden. You guys say I'm not some times but I can't stop feeling like one.

Im not saying this or ever do anything to make you guys shower me in affection and love. I never want to manipulate that sort of thing. I never intend to. But sometimes I think I do it subconsciously cause im just fucking blinded by so much shit.

I cant help but think how much I might actually be a horrible person.

Especially when I want to be mad. I want to get angry. I want to lash out. But I know its often unreasonable. But fuck when I try to be reasonable and hold back and try to be mature I still get a fucking shit result.

I dont know what to do.

I feel like everything is always and has always been my fault. My fault always my fucking fault. It's my fault I can't make decisions. My fault im a people pleaser. My fault I got assaulted. My fault I am poor.

I stopped eating cause I believed it could help my mom if she didn't have to feed mr along with that fucking bastard but here I am spending money on non essentials cause it made me happy.

But nothing really makes me happy in the end does it?

Im still here. Shit living situation, poor as shit, unable to hold a job due to multiple reasons. Unable to get proper medical care. Unable to truely be the fucking man I want to be. Unable to express anything properly and truely.

Im suicidal as shit. I made promises to many people I wont do it. And I still won't. But because guilt is whats keeping me here really.

I do love all my friends so much. I appriciate so much of what you guys do for me. And im so angry and upset I can't always see that cause my brain is so hell bent on killing me.

So I just feel guilty all the time. That I still feel like fucking shit even though I get love and care. I feel guilty for asking for things. Feel guilty for taking up space, for needing things, for just being alive but also feeling guilty for wanting to die all the time now. But I can't kill myself cause I feel guilty for breaking promises and making people sad. But I feel guilty for expressing just how bad I am cause that makes people sad.

Im stuck here by guilt and I dont know how to change that so I just feel worse and worse and worse. I cant eat but I try to eat a little so I dont make people feel too bad but I hate eating.

I dont know. I just dont know anymore.

I cant see any real future for me. I just can't.

And so im just... stuck here. Just existing day by day. Silently hoping one day I just never wake up again. Cause then I didnt make that choice. Something or someone else did for me. And I wont have to feel that guilty. Or something. Or at all cause I wasn't really awake. I dont know.

Im sorry. I'm just not ok. And this isnt even all of it i dont think but im just... so tired.

I am so tired guys.

[3dayweeknd]

this is gonna be another dumb rant. its giving privileged

no tw

during the middle of dinner we were talking about if I move out will i take the dogs and I said if im aloneand long distance at vet school i dont think i could handle it. like maybe right now if it was me and my brother sure but not if its just me while im literally in med school. anyway all of the sudden my dad is all serious like mom if you hate them so much we should get rid of them genuinely. like im serious mom u hate them soo much we should get rid of them. like what the fuck that was so random. shes like no we're not gonna do that like i'm exaggerating i dont hate them etc etc whatever. and he just kept fucking going like nuh uh i know u hate them and if it makes so u mad we should give them up. and shes like ok lindsey is sitting right there. let's not traumatize her by suddenly getting rid of the dogs. and shes right. and hes like i dont give a fuck i'd rather lindsey has to go to therapy to deal with it than see u escalate your "hatred" of the dogs. like what the fuck dude. thats actually fucked up. first of all my mom would never hurt the dogs. she gives them more care than you have ever given. second of all, what the fuck. what the fuck happened to you hating me being in therapy. I know real fucking well that if you for some reason did go through with it, you would tell me to deal with it on my own. you would shame me for needing therapy and for mourning. i never want to be like him it makes me so mad. you got these dogs by your own choice when i was a child this is on you because you were a grown man and you for some reason did not think to discuss with or even notify your wife that animals were coming home. and you think living beings are so easily disposable you are so fucking privileged you think you can drop your animal off with strangers and never think of them again well fuck you. you should have thought of the commitment when you brought them home. and promising your children things just to constantly threaten taking it away is yet another fucked up thing I never want to do and i hope i never have children so you never get the chance to do that to them. oh lindsey let get a dog, oh now you (a 10 year old) won't walk them well lets throw them away. oh lindsey here's a rabbit you love rabbits well guess what even though you're 10 years old i'm making you responsible for a whole living thing. oh no why are you mad at me years later oh no why do you face constant guilt as an adult about some dumb fucking rabbit. stupid fuckinghhhhh it makes me so mad. you can't promise things and use them as threats you cant promise things and take them away you cant promise to care for a living being and act like it's disposable. it's a dog its not a toy its not an accessory you cant abandon them when you are perfectly capable of giving care. you're not even a caretaker you walk them once or twice a day and maybe feed once. you have never seen a vet bill in your life you've never seen a medication in your life you've never trained in your life you don't know anything about my dogs. you never listen you never want to help. if i get the chance i will be getting them away from you. i never want to see you own another animal i never want you to discuss my animals with me again.

[fuckingdrawbacks]

by now i thought that i would move on, but i still didn't. you are in a relationship, and so am i, but i still miss your voice.

i go back to our first months; when we still were strangers and when you still were interested in me. looking back at the photos from then, you changed so much. nowadays, you look tired. i don't blame you - a lot has happened since then and life weren't easy on you. i wish i could see it at the time, maybe then i would be able to help you and none of those bad things would happen.

after we broke up, i was fucked up for few months. i learnt to live with that, occasionally having panic attacks, but i grew used to it. i can't recall a single time i was truly happy since then. sure, i smiled and laughed a few times, but there wasn't a single night i didn't wanted to die. i still have those panic attacks and i still dream about blowing my head open. i feel like it would bring me some sort of relief.

my dog died two weeks ago and that fucked me up even worse. i cried a lot, but now, i just feel nothing. i don't feel sad, i don't feel happy; i just feel tired. i feel like it's just a bad dream and that i will wake up and everything will be alright again. i don't feel like it's real; i don't feel like it's actually my life now.

i have a girlfriend that (i think) loves me so much - i tell her that i love her too, but deep down i don't believe myself. i feel like im just saying that to make her feel better. i don't want to break up with her, but i don't want to waste her time.

i wish i could go back in time and fix all of those things that made you feel like that; i wish i could protect you from all of this, to make you not-hate this city, to make you (i can't find a better word for that) not-associate me with those stupid classes.

some time ago i told you that i couldn't move on and you were surprised. i wish you knew how much i loved you, and how much i still love you even after all that you done. i wish i could tell you that and i wish that it would change anything, but i don't think that it would. you finally seem happy nowadays and i don't want to break that. all i ever wanted was to make you happy and i'm fine feeling terrible if it makes you feel good. it just sucks that i don't think that i will feel happiness any time soon, if ever.

you added something to your instagram story today. i didn't see it and i will not check your profiles as long as you're there. seeing you with someone else would break me. nothing could make me mad/sad, except for my dog and you. there were two things in the entire world that made me happy, and now, both of those things are gone.

all of my friends and family see me as a smart person; a person that doesn't care about what others think of me; a person that's cold to the world. i think that it's partly true. i never loved someone as much as my dog. but the person that got the closest, was you. and it always will be you. even though everyone that knew about us hates you now. they don't know that i still miss you, and i will never admit that to no one.

i promised you something and i will keep my promise. maybe someday our paths will cross again.

[l0nelym0onlight]

how do you mourn someone thats still alive?

i promise this is the last time ill write about you on here (this time for real)

its very obvious you never want to talk to me again. and before i say anything else i do want to apologize for my creepy delusional behavior this year. shits been rough but thats no excuse to how i treated you more like a concept than a real person. it was a horrible thing of me to do. i dont expect you to forgive me, i just wanted you to know that im aware and im sorry. i have to say though, i really was happy to have you back in my life. i told you i missed you and i really meant that. i knew you would "disappear" during the summer again. you often do. you get busy, hang out with people a lot, youre engaged in things. you have a life (unlike me lol). thats why i didnt really suspect anything when you stopped showing up. sure it hurt, going from hanging out almost daily to not hearing from you at all, but im already used to it at this point and made my peace with it. sure i was made about you ditching on my mom (rightfully so i believe, but thats not the point). but i just figured at some point youd show up again. like you always do. and you did. once or twice. but then time passed and i didnt see you online at all anymore and randomly checked out my server member list and couldnt find you anymore. went through my dms. found you. saw you unfriended me. and apparently everyone else. that hurt. a lot. i thought after all this time i would at least get a notice before you decided to kick me out of your life. i didnt expect you to just silently sneak off. especially after that talk about happiness and future. it hurt. i hope youre doing okay, i really do. i respect your choices so i wont reach out, but if you see this: first of all, stalker :p secondly: again, im sorry for my behaviour, but at least have the balls to not just run off. not to sound cringe, but im not mad, i just feel betrayed. i wish you the best for your life and i hope the choice of leaving me behind at least brought you closer to your paradise.

[dumbangrypuppet]

Tried to sleep early yk but here I am at 1 am because I went to bed too early.

ANYWAY

I promised my little brain I was gonna stop thinking about Comet for a while, (my dumb little dude.)

And when watching YouTube, I got reminded of the Adventure Time Episode, "Thanks for the Crabapples, Giuseppe!"

Specifically, just the poem. And boy. Did I start crying.

What if when Comet dies, he wrote a poem like that for Eris and Hazel?

(btw if you don't know what poem I'm talking about here it is.)

"These are not my tear drops, daughter dear, but just a sheen of dew that lingers here, past other fields where other fathers lie, who kept their daughters better far than I."

IM GONNA CRY. (I say, as if I haven't cried over this silly fictional man and his situation for weeks)

Anyway, if you feel like crying over this man too, here's some angst I wrote for him from an RP.

And here I go, ranting about the parallels between Simon and Comet.

Thank you Adventure Time for giving me ideas that tear my heart out again and again

(also, I need to draw Comet and Simon meeting, they'd get along fast.)

Like okay. I will literally spell it out for you

Both Simon and Comet literally tried to give up their lives (well Comet is actually doing so, he doesn't have a cosmic god of chaos for girlfriend to stop him and make him see reason) for people they barely knew.

Simon with "wanting" to become Ice King again to save an entire universe,

Comet with giving up his soul, his entire life to a demon so that the town he resides in can be protected from a giant threat.

(Comet resides in a fictional town called Uverney. Every resident there is a monster or creature of some kind, and Uverney is meant to be a sanctuary for monsters. But now, there's a group of monster hunters going into the town, and it's not gonna end well.)

Simon doesn't tell Fionna what's gonna actually happen to him when he puts on the crown. Though I don't think this is from selfishness or anything of the sort, perhaps he just doesn't wanna think about it. But STILL!!

Comet doesn't tell his daughters about the deal, or what the price was, he keeps the fact that once it's all over, he's going to die to HIMSELF. He sold his soul to protect an entire town, full of people he barely knows. (I should also mention, he's literally in the dumps right now for a multitude of reasons, the big one being that his coffee shop had been burned down the night before.)

Simon feels his life has no worth or purpose. People literally liked him better when he was consumed by the madness of the crown.

Comet also feels his life has no worth, and now no purpose. If you read the images above, it mentions things he's lost.

Comet lost his dad at 13, after a demon possessed his body and used it to kill his father. He lost friends because not only were they scared of him, but once his dad was gone, he had to move in with his mother. There his only friends were his brother and sister, who cut off contact after Comet turned 18 and left to pursue music.

If you saw my other post about this stupid silly man, you'll know that didn't go well either.

He fell in love with one of the roadie's, a man named Avery. They knew each other for three months, and Comet thought he was in love.

He was, but Avery wasn't.

No, Avery wasn't even a real person, a real name, instead it was a fake name created by the demon Amon, and all he wanted from comet was to use his body as a vessel. (I probably haven't explained or made it clear, Comet is a trans man.)

So this tragic little guy!! He's just. Torn apart! He's got nobody, nothing!! He never lets anyone in again, he tells himself not to fall in love anymore because all that does is hurt him.

(which totally sucks because Comet is absolutely husband material btw)

So yeah. Dumb little witch man. Hates himself a lot.

Yeah.

I SPENT 30 MINUTES WRITING THIS???!

jesus

Hold on edit time because now I have more.

BOTH SIMON AND COMET DONT FOCUS ON THE GOOD THEY'VE CAUSED EITHER!

Simon should have realized that his existence was important after Vampire World, because without Simon there to protect Marceline, the world gets run over by vampires.

Comet doesn't think about all the good he's done for others!! I'll just bring up some events from the rp and some from the canon story.

He finds a girl in the forest with the help of his 4 year old daughter at the time, takes her in and takes care of her. 9 years later, this girl is Eris and her and Hazel are like peas in a pod bro.

(WHICH HERE IS WHERE I'LL MENTION, THERES AN ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE WHERE COMET DOESNT FIND ERIS, AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENS?? SHE BECOMES THE ANGEL OF DEATH!!)

Comet finds two hobos living behind his café, and what does he do? He gives them a job. (this action has consequences later because they're the indirect reason his café burns down later)

Eris finds a kid in her flower pot and another in the forest who needs help?? She uses her teachings from Comet to take them in and help them just as what was done for her.

Comet teaches both Eris and Hazel how to properly use magic to protect themselves.

A bloodied girl shows up on the front porch to his house? Comet brings her in, patches her up, makes her HOT CHOCOLATE AND SOME SANDWICHES, and EVEN OFFERS HER A PLACE TO STAY IN HIS HOME until she can get back on her feet.

He is a good person, even if he thinks he isn't.

Just like Simon, he is important, and if he didn't exist or wasn't around, there would be terrible consequences.