#February Pages journal

[kentnaturaltribrid]

Speaking of holidays & well next week for sure, here’s a Countdown page present for the February Season, which happens to be ending on the Winter ❄️, so for now Goodbye winter ; Hello, Fall 2025 when it makes its way through to the top especially in about 15 weeks time that is! Well also as well as the Rest of the season making it’s way through with more than enough to make up for the rest of the Winters and that means lots more time for the Fall season dropping into many more weeks of Pumpkins 🎃 & Other events as well! That being said, Good afternoon & Have fun for the rest of the Sunday!

[marbirds]

late january early february 2025

[the-fox-journals]

into the second month of the year... ❤️

inspo

[fairyquests]

insta

pinterest

[nubiaspapers]

03/02/2025 New month, new Morning Pages notebook. I managed to write every day in January, so it's time to prepare for February. It wasn't always easy, but doing it every morning helped me more than I thought it would. Now, let's see how this month goes.

[everydaymusecreation]

February is here, and it’s time to make your bullet journal extra sweet! This pink Valentine’s Day-themed bundle has everything you need to plan, track, and stay organized—all while making your pages look adorable! Let’s make this month the cutest one yet!

https://everydaymusecreation.etsy.com/sg-en/listing/1865983567/bullet-journal-bundle-printable-february

[remembertheplunge]

I leave you to your fantasy

February 1993

. I just bought the deal that my facts are no facts.that my scene is no scene. A non-issue. 

I now work at reclaiming self from under layers of plastic and grey societal muck—to poke my head up like some spring yearling  seed sprout

To fresh air of truth, OKness—the land on the other side—

I find now that I let each Letter I write be ok, be now.

It’s a worthy use of my time to fashion , to fusion, a meaning.

Through movement of air and of element

Called ink on page.

Does not the written word reflect my essence of the time?

Act as an anchor in space and in time,

A beacon of perspective?

It was you who told me it was worthless.

You who said it was a non-issue.

NOn—ISsue.

But the real ality IS my letters do exist. 

It is your theory of life.

Fast, cheap feeling less,

That is the sad myth.

So, I turn toward me

Toward each letter

Not away from you—

I leave you to your fantasy---

[pretendcottagelady]

February Cover

Fun fact, I didn't centre my title properly, which is a constant issue I have. For whatever reason I have trouble in making sure my lettering is centred. Complicating matters is the fact I like writing it without doing it in pencil because then I don't have to erase anything afterwards keeping the ink colour crisp.

So what is a girl to do? Well, apparently it's to rummage around in the sticker collection and find a set of purple stainglass windows. I actually forgot I even had purple ones, but here they are now.

[blizzardfluffykpop]

You sent me an ask so I shall return the favor! What is the most recent Kpop group you’ve gotten into and how did you find out about them? I always love hearing fan “origin stories” lol

Thank you for returning the favor~ That would be The Boyz 🥰💖 I love hearing fan "origin stories" too hehe (This is gonna get long I love them sm)

Anyways I've known about them since debut? I loved Bloom Bloom Pow with my whole heart when it came out and tried to fall for them then- It didn't work. The next time was when The Stealer (TS) came out~ I had watched them perform for Road to Kingdom- because ptg was on the show too- But I really loved TS cb- sm so that I bought the album about 6 mos later with my favorite members as inclusions at the time (Eric, Kevin and Hyunjae). But nothing came about of it even after watching the weekly idol episodes... Then came Whisper era and I ended up biasing Changmin (Q) and loving that song but again nothing came out of it.

(A little backstory is that Changkyun (I.M) got me into Dominic Fike's music-) Thus, when tiktok showed me Juyeon, Changmin, and Sunwoo dancing to Babydoll earlier this year as a dance cover: I fell. And then I finally checked out Watch It~ But Hui had his solo and it distracted me completely from falling further. Then I had gotten sick and decided 'well, what if I watch their content?' And I did... I watched their hello82 interview and their reaction to fanart of them, and lastly their mafia dance. And I loved each sm that I decided to check out more.

It was the first time I had watched their content and wanted to see more. And now, I watch their content almost daily. It's kind of like they revived the joy of kpop for me? My (old) ult of ults has been on hiatus due to the military so it's been stagnant content lately for me. But then they came in like a breath of fresh air- and I simply can't get enough. This month will be 3 mos and I honestly hope I'll follow them for a long time. (I think they're my new ult of ults tbh)

And lastly now here I am as a Younghoon and Juyeon bias (with bias wrecker: Changmin... he's doing everything to be bias again). And with them having a comeback I loved with my whole heart this past month, I think it really solidified them with me. Honestly, I'm so happy with them.

[grimini]

[tenth-sentence]

On February 3rd 1946 the Los Angeles Times ran a front-page story on the idea, noting of Clarke's proposed Moonbounce test that "the US Army Signal Corps has just done this."

"The Moon: A History for the Future" - Oliver Morton

[kentnaturaltribrid]

“We make our own rules.”

[valeriapryanikova]

ominous

(itsy-bitsy fanfic concept/idea/? under the cut)

[A page ripped out of a journal; the owner’s handwriting is messy and barely legible.] 

february, 29th

i'm surprised i'm not dead now.

yesterday, in the late evening, as i was painting, it started storming. suddenly and hard. one second the dark sky is clear from any clouds, and the next moment the droplets are pelting me with a surprising force. i rapidly abandoned my easel and canvas (not like there would be anything lost—the piece was dull and not working out the way i desired) in favor of seeking cover.

i was still near the village, on its outskirts, but just a bit too far from my house to reach it quickly before my whole being was drenched through and through. so i ducked into one of the huts, all of which stand empty, desolate… or so i thought, at least.

only once inside did i spot the dim, ominous, red glow of the overhead lamp; the sound of a muted conversation; the overwhelming sense of “wrong”, like i was not meant to be here. abruptly silence fell and two sets of bright eyes stared me down.

terror froze my body. i felt like a prey caught in between two predators, i could practically feel their jaws snapping around my neck.

the dredger slowly smirked at me, barring her sharp, sharp teeth. (since when are they sharp? i may not have crossed path with her often, but i swear i would’ve noticed if she had shark teeth before.) i did not stay to see if the fisherman would further react to my presence too. the control of my body returned, allowing me to let out a panicked apology for interruption and bolt out of the hut, running home at full speed.

it’s been hours since then. i couldn’t fall asleep. i’ve been up the whole night, haunted by fear. the scene of those two beasts in the darkness, ready to snap me like a twig for overhearing something (i don’t remember what exactly, all the horror of the situation evaporated all my thoughts), got stuck in my mind’s eyes. so i’ve been doing what i know how to do best—painting.

[Attached to the diary entry is a typewritten note.] 

That painter fellow is an impressionable and imaginative type. Needless to say, the actual interaction with the two fish merchants was likely a lot less… Dramatic.

The painter was reluctant to show me the painting mentioned in the last paragraph, but after some convincing I did manage to take a quick look on their recollection of the witnessed scene: it seems mostly useless for my research, but I noted down some details that might be of use in the future (refer to “AudioLog#143” transcript for more information).

Collecting data on “The Fisherman” continues to prove itself annoying. The subject is allusive: there’s not many sources mentioning him, and folk around here rarely witness him out and about. Currently the only lead I have is finding that one old newspaper article about the docks that, if I recall correctly, mentions him in an interview with workers. Perhaps, when I have time, I’ll try asking the collector from the other side of the river if he has a copy of that newspaper issue.

However, for now, I’m significantly more interested in “The Dredger” subject. There’s more than plenty info about her—I would actually say there’s too much info about her, all inconveniently inconsistent. In an attempt to get more reliable data I’m getting in contact with Mined since they have done scientific observation of this area and the people of interest. My request for access to their data has gone unanswered so far and, if shoving my anthropology degree in the faces of those bumbling idiots won’t work, I’m sure that that city nearby has enough hackers willing to do some dirty work for a pretty diamond.

I will get the data I want, one way or another.

[just-barrow]

An overview of interviews with Lou Ferrigno Jr, subdivided into read, watch, and listen.

Note: some of these will overlap (for example podcasts that are also on Youtube). This post is a work in progress.

READ

GRUEmonkey (January 4, 2017)

Paradigm Treatment (August 4, 2017)

Swagger Magazine (2021)

Flaunt (2021)

Vulkan Magazine (March 5, 2021)

Pop Culturalist (March 13, 2021)

Medium (April 5, 2021)

The Pop Culture Principle (January 14, 2022)

TVBrittanyF.com (April 12, 2021)

Men's Health (June 16, 2021)

A Book Of (2023)

PhotoBook Magazine (February 8, 2023)

The Hollywood Reporter (April 11, 2024)

TV Insider (April 11, 2024)

TV Fanatic (April 12, 2024)

Fangirlish (November 7, 2024)

Decider (November 8, 2024)

But Why Tho? (November 21, 2024)

Felix Magazine (Fall 2024)

Digital Journal (February 22, 2025)

But Why Tho? (April 25, 2025)

WATCH

Tahoe Show (December 29, 2014)

Muscular Development Magazine (January 16, 2017)

The Red Booth (August 28, 2017)

TLC Unleashed (November 25, 2017)

Mellow Riot (June 5, 2018)

TLC Unleashed (June 16, 2018)

Corridor Cast (February 20, 2019)

Howie D and the Lesser Knowns (August 1, 2019)

FOX5 Las Vegas (February 16, 2021)

FOX5 Las Vegas (February 17, 2021)

Geekscape (March 2, 2021)

Paltrocast with Darren Paltrowitz (March 2, 2021)

Celebrity Page (March 3, 2021)

WorldFilmGeek (March 3, 2021)

Howard's Haunt (March 4, 2021)

Good Day Sacramento (March 16, 2021)

Men's Health (March 31, 2021)

The Story Box (April 4, 2021)

REALPOLITIK (April 9, 2021)

The Buzz (January 10, 2022)

Stauros Entertainment (January 10, 2022)

Bionic Buzz (January 16, 2022)

Great Day Houston (January 24, 2022)

Good Day Sacramento (February 23, 2023)

Access Hollywood (May 23, 2024)

But Why Tho? (April 25, 2025)

LISTEN

Corridor Cast (February 20, 2019)

Robby D and the Lesser Knowns (August 1, 2019)

Geekscape (March 2, 2021)

Good questions...with Cameron Dole (March 5, 2021)

Comic Book Central (March 6, 2021)

The Scott Sands Show (March 9, 2021)

Culture Pop Podcast (May 16, 2021)

Shots to the Dome (November 30, 2021)

Hollywood at Home with the Creative Coalition (March 14, 2023)

[riamaple]

Life on Your Line (Ch. 8)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!Reader

Summary: Cursed to sacrifice your life to save another, you were never able to connect with others, always meant to drift before you could belong. Death was all you knew. Then, one day in Brooklyn, you saved a young man, and for some reason, you kept seeing him again. And again. And again. No matter where you went, across decades, you always found your way back to him.

He was forced to live to destroy, you were forced to die to save—bound together in ways neither of you could understand.

Warnings: Angst (with an eventual happy ending). Death and Dying. Self-Sacrifice (Immortality / Resurrection). Canon-Typical Violence / Description of Wounds. Suicidal Thoughts. Implications and References to Child Death, Suicide, Self-Destructive Behavior / Self-Harm.

< PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Word Count: 4.4k

Important Note at the end. Please read!

CHAPTER 8: February 2004 - April 2014

February 18, 2004. 10:10 AM

I have never been more scared in my life until January 18.

I saved James for the 8th time, but I almost failed. 

I did fail. He stopped me when I was trying to save him and he got stabbed in the stomach. He

The page was littered with tears and your pencil slipped from your hand.

You slammed your journal shut and fell back into bed.

<><><>

February 18, 2004. 10:10 AM 6:28 PM

I have never been more scared in my life until January 18.

I saved James for the 8th time, but I almost failed. 

I did fail. He stopped me when I was trying to save him and he got stabbed in the stomach. He

It wasn’t my fault. I keep telling myself that. I want to believe that.

But it’s hard to blame someone else when this is all I’ve ever done. I’ve saved hundreds of lives — I’ve been doing this for almost a century. I’ve gotten so good at stopping death from approaching others. To let death say hello to me instead.

I failed before. I’ve allowed myself to let people die before, even when I knew I’d wake up the next day feeling the second worst pain of my life. But the people I failed — I don’t know them. I feel sad, sure, but I stopped hurting deeply for strangers a long time ago.

But James is mine to know and I almost let him die. It’s ridiculous to care this much. I only see him once every decade or so. He never remembers me immediately until now, and he means more to me than I could ever say in words. 

And when he’s the only one I’ve been sent to multiple times… I can’t help but think you are telling me something — that James is more than just a person to me. I refuse to let you choose how I feel about him, but you have done your part in letting me be close to him. 

You let my family die, but you keep bringing me back to James to save him.

But then I almost let him die.

I know I succeeded in saving him because I woke up with minor pain. My body is sore from blowing up, but I still have the energy to pick up a mug and hold a book — to eat a meal without wanting to collapse to the floor, crying in pain. But that doesn’t change the fact that I almost failed. 

He tried to save me. He didn’t want me to get hurt, but in the end, I’ve felt more pain than I ever have in more than 100 years. He held onto me like I was going to die when it was he who was dying. 

He cried for me. The dangerous, killer assassin cried for someone like me.

He begged me to leave him and I couldn’t. He told me not to help him and I couldn’t. He told me to run and I couldn’t. Then when he told me not to go, I left.

He wanted me to live. No one has ever wanted that for me. I didn’t even want that for me. For a long time, I didn’t want that because I was so fucking tired. But as long as he’s alive, then I’m alive.

I’m sorry. James, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to leave you. I just don’t have a choice. 

I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

James, I lov

<><><>

February 19, 2004. 8:29 PM

I finally figured out what happened after I died. 

Turns out, that tiny little bomb held enough power to knock over the bridge despite me being far away from it. The explosion itself wasn’t enormous, but the shockwave was designed to knock over anything. 

So even if James and I managed to get away from the explosion, the buildings around us would’ve fallen on us. Fucking hell.

It managed to knock over a few buildings along the river, but luckily there was no one there since it was the middle of the night and all the stores were closed. That said, the police showed up at the scene immediately to try to figure out what was going on — a bomb did go off. They had the whole area on lockdown and I don’t know if James was caught. In any other case, I would say he escaped, but he was so hurt that I’m not sure if he managed to get away from the cops.

But even if he managed to get away, I want to know if he went back to whoever is controlling him. The man he fought… From what he was saying, it seemed like he also worked for them. What kind of a place is James stuck in? They’re creating terrifying soldiers left and right and it’s horrific. That man was scary but didn’t seem brainwashed like James.

I have to find him. I have to free James no matter what. 

<><><>

March 1, 2004. 11:47 PM

I’ve been trying to find newspapers, articles, anything about the “Winter Soldier” and so far there’s nothing. Absolutely nothing. I had a better job at finding fucked up research papers about electric shock torture and body modifications than this.

After all these years — after every attempt to save him — there’s no way that he’s just...unknown. No one like him could be so invisible. I refuse to believe that.

I can’t just let this go. Not when I’ve saved him so many times. Not when I’m the only one who’s seen him for what he really is — someone who’s been broken, and yet still...fighting.

I’ll find him. I have to.

<><><>

May 2, 2004. 5:19 AM

I had another nightmare about James.

He was dead by the time I got to him. There was blood everywhere, all starting from his stomach and flowing to my feet. His eyes weren’t blue — they were dark and lifeless. I shook his body, screaming at him to wake up, to breathe, but he didn’t move a muscle.

I woke up crying and couldn’t go back to sleep. The nightmare left me with this twisted feeling in my stomach that I can’t get rid of. The thought of him dying is so horrific.

I’ve never been afraid of losing anyone like this before. My family’s death happened quickly — too sudden for me to do anything about it. My family will always be a part of my life but with James… It feels like if I lost him, I’d be losing something that’s become a part of me. Something that I want with me at all times. Something that I need and long for.

It’s been too long since I’ve had someone to deeply care for. To ache and feel the absence of their body in every part of your soul, only to feel warm when they hold you again. We’ve always found each other in the face of death, but this feeling — it’s no longer adrenaline. It’s not panic. It’s something deeper.

It’s lov

You scribbled over the broken phrase as hard as you could.

It’s lov

I don’t know if he feels the same about me when he’s been 

You paused, biting your lip as your hand trembled. Then you took a breath.

I don’t know if he feels the same about me when he’s been

I can only assume that he feels the same about me. He protected me — he’s always wanted to do something whenever I died for him. Maybe he doesn’t understand what he feels, but he must feel it.

Maybe I don’t understand what I feel either. Or maybe I do know and I’m afraid to admit it because what happens if I lose him and I

Maybe one day I can meet him without death approaching us, and then we can figure it out together.

<><><>

January 19, 2005. 9:42 PM

I was fucking murdered on January 10.

That hasn’t happened in a really long time. Murdered to save someone else? Yeah, all the time.

Murdered just because? Hell no. Not since 1928.

I noticed these two men lingering around while I was working at the library. I first thought they were just there to read — until I realized they were barely looking at the pages and they both wore matching symbols on their jackets. They kept standing close to me, so obviously I started to worry they were stalkers. I told my manager, and he told them to get the fuck out.

But later that night when I left the library, I saw them again. They followed me. I didn’t want them to know where I lived, so I wandered — stopped by the diner, the bar, anywhere with people. But they kept following me. And eventually, they figured out I knew. Just as I figured out they weren’t random men.

I tried to get away, but then they finally confronted me. They said they were a part of an organization dedicated to the people — whatever that means. Honestly, they felt like two new officers on a power trip, acting way more important than they actually were.

But then they asked me about the Winter Soldier.

I guess the government or whatever they’re a part of caught wind of me trying to research James, but that just surprised me more. It confirmed that James isn’t just a myth. He’s not public knowledge, but someone knows.

I tried to lie, obviously, that I just happened to hear about it and it sounded like a cool conspiracy theory to research about.

They didn’t believe me.

They got more aggressive with their questioning — definitely rookies who saw a file they shouldn’t have and decided to take it into their own hands. God, they reminded me of every dumbass cop on TV.

I wasn’t giving them the answers they wanted. One of them pulled a gun. Classic move — threaten people until they cave. But I wasn’t going to tell them anything about James. Especially not after how they were treating me.

But then he shot me. The bastard actually shot me and had the audacity to yell sorry.

Sorry? You shot me in the fucking chest.

For a rookie, he had amazing aim. Or terrible luck — killing probably the only civilian who knew anything about James. He definitely didn’t mean to. I could tell by how much they panicked.

My body doesn’t disappear from the public’s eyes until someone hides me away — put me in the ground or in the cremator to burn me — but there was no way those two were going to give me a peaceful death. They’d poke at my corpse. Take photos. Run my face through their systems.

So I jumped over the bridge. Good luck trying to find a non-existent body.

I don’t know if you were trying to help me, but I'd like to believe that you did. He shot me right before midnight and I woke up “the next day” right after midnight. My body was screaming and I wanted to just sleep the pain away like I usually would, but I had to escape. They killed me, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t search my apartment, especially since my body was gone.

I gathered every document I had about James, grabbed my journals, and left. I barely made it to Tennessee and I’m currently still recovering. I’m still trying to figure out where to go for the next couple of years and what my next name should be. I’m thinking maybe Pennsylvania and Gwen, but until my body stops hurting, I’m not going anywhere.

I don’t think I can research James anymore without getting caught.

I feel ridiculous for thinking the authorities could help him when they fucking killed me. They’d kill him too or worse, torture him. He’d just go back to where he escaped from.

I’ll go find him myself. Fuck everyone else.

<><><>

November 29, 2006. 8:11 PM

I think I’m going insane. 

I saw him today. Or, at least, I thought I did.

I was crossing the street when I noticed someone in the crowd. It was a man, tall with broad shoulders, his face hidden beneath a hat. It could’ve been anybody, but there was something in the way he moved that reminded me of James.

I thought maybe I was just imagining it was him, but then he paused just for a second, like he felt me too. But before I could get a better look at him, a bus drove by and he was gone. I should’ve run after him. I should’ve done something. But I didn’t. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m afraid of what I’d find — or what I wouldn’t. 

I didn’t realize how much I missed him until now.

I’ve always missed him, but now I’m realizing that I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing him. I don’t think I’ll ever stop wondering when he needs me next. Every day I think about him — everything reminds me of him somehow, because I have so many questions.

When I got my coffee today, I wondered if James also liked coffee. Or when I walked by a cute dog, I wondered if James would prefer dogs over cats. Tiny stuff like that.

It could’ve been anyone. It’s probably no one, but for a brief moment, I thought I saw him. Or…at least the ghost of him. Still out there, maybe waiting for me.

I miss him.

<><><>

October 28, 2007. 7:19 AM

I saved a man on September 28 and he didn’t even thank me.

I walked by an alleyway and saw him with a knife against his neck. Felt the pull, went to save him, same old shit. But when the guy who stabbed me ran away, the man I saved took one look at me and ran too.

There was no more threat, and he still ran off. And of course, I got stabbed in the hips. I wasn’t dying quickly, but I couldn’t get up either. There’s never a reason for me to try to save myself, so I didn’t bother to ask for help. But it took so long for me to bleed out and it was painful too. 

The man I saved had every opportunity to get help. It wouldn’t have done anything, but damn I didn’t think he’d be shitty enough to leave me to die. Maybe I shouldn’t have saved this one — I’d rather spend a day or two in pure agony than have felt so betrayed that night.

It’s strange. He’s not the first person who was ungrateful for my sacrifice, but it has been a while since someone left me like that. I didn’t expect it to feel so…empty because of it.

Maybe it’s because I know James wouldn’t have left me.

I miss him. I don’t even know if he’s still alive. Maybe he’s been killed and I wasn’t sent to stop it. Or maybe he’s alive and back on missions. Maybe…he’s forgotten about me completely — his mind wiped to the extreme and now he can’t remember me in the slightest.

That won’t stop me from looking for him. Until I get a yes or no on whether he’s alive or not, I will keep on looking. I look for him in crowds because maybe — just maybe — we could meet each other without being in a life-or-death situation. Just like how we met again at that bookstore before he left for the war, only this time I wouldn’t lie. I’d tell him who I am.

Sometimes though, I wish I could stop caring. To stop having so much hope, only to not see him. I miss him and I want him

You stopped, staring at those last three words.

Then you took a soft breath, unable to stop yourself anymore from avoiding the truth.

I miss him and I want him and I want him. I just want him, and it hurts that I can’t. 

<><><>

November 1, 2009. 10:10 PM

Sometimes I wonder how much of my life is mine, and how much of it you plan for me.

Because you can’t fucking convince me it’s a coincidence that the Smithsonian opens the Captain America exhibition a month after I move to DC. I knew it was happening, but not that it would open now. I saw a poster about it right outside my apartment complex. 

And honestly? About fucking time they made the exhibition.

It was quite large — a lot of history and artifacts to read and stare at. I didn’t mean to stay there for the whole day, but I did. It was partly strange to be reliving some of my life through the exhibition, seeing pictures of Brooklyn in the 40s and the boy Captain America used to be before getting the serum.

Then I saw him.

There was a whole section dedicated to James. It was not the largest, but it definitely caught my attention. There was a plaque with text about his background, written just above his name and how long he lived.

Bucky Barnes.

1917-1944. What a lie.

I sat on the bench across from the plaque for most of the time there — the security guards were confused about me sitting there for hours. I guess I just got lost in his face, listening to people around me say “he was so young” or “he died too soon” when I know he never died in the first place.

There was also a replica of his uniform with the rest of the Howling Commandos. I stared at that for a long time — whoever remade it did an excellent job because it looked exactly the same as what he was wearing when I saved him. When he held me in his arms, whispering my favorite name in the world.

It reminded me of a simpler time.

Then there was the video.

There was this video of him with Captain America. It was on loop and the quality was what you’d expect from a film in the 40s, but that didn’t stop me from seeing him laugh.

I’ve never seen him laugh before. I saw him smile back in Brooklyn and heard him laugh with his sister, but never actually saw it until now. He’s cute

It was…wonderful. Wonderful to see him laugh as the man who hadn’t lost everything just yet.

I couldn’t help but wonder what James would look like now if he laughed. Or if he still has a reason to laugh.

I’d like to think that the poster right outside my apartment was a sign to me that James is still alive because now, I feel more determined and hopeful to find him.

I will see him laugh.

<><><>

October 12, 2011. 2:28 PM

I almost had a heart attack today when I read the news. Well, more like I almost choked on my baked potato, but it’s just as dangerous.

They found Captain America. He’s alive.

They dug him out of the ice a few days ago and he woke up, perfectly healthy. He didn’t age a single bit. I know that feeling too well. 

I can’t imagine how overwhelmed he must be seeing New York now. A lot has changed for the better or worse. There’s so much for him to catch up on now. I wonder if he has any family or friends left from the 40s who could help him adapt to this new world we’re in.

I wonder if he would recognize me like James did.

James. That’s a whole other story.

He doesn’t know that James has been around this whole time. God, what do I do? Am I even supposed to do something? If I tell him, then the authorities would know too, and I’d have to share who I am…but will I be safe? After everything, would I be treated with dignity or like shit?

I don’t really trust the government and I’m not sure if Captain America should either.

<><><>

May 4, 2012. 11:10 PM

Gods are real and aliens are real.

Fucking what.

There was an alien invasion led by a Norse god in New York today. I thought I’d seen everything after being alive for more than 100 years, but apparently, you like to keep me on my toes.

I was — maybe selfishly — grateful that I was nowhere near New York today because I definitely would’ve died for someone else. Instead, I got to sit at home and watch the battle unfold on my TV and it felt like I was watching a film.

Everything felt fictional.

But no, aliens exist and gods walk amongst us.

I wonder if there’s a weird cosmic being out there who could explain to me what my curse is then.

Despite watching insanity happen on the screen, I did see a lot of familiar faces. Iron Man was back in action and the Hulk suddenly reappeared — who knows where that guy went all this time?

And then there he was. Captain America. Saving the day after only being awake for 7 months. What a hero.

I feel bad for him — waking up decades later to find that his loved ones have grown up or passed away. Thrown into a brand new world and expected to conform to our fucked up society. Brought into another fight before he could even process everything.

I won’t lie… I have thought about going to see Captain America. I don’t know what exactly I’d do, but I am curious to see if he’d recognize me like James did. Especially considering that he’d been asleep this whole time, so for him…he saw me only 10 years ago.

If he recognized me, then I could tell him about James — that there are 2 people who know him from the 40s. Or, I guess that James KNEW him with his memory being

And maybe…if I can’t do it, then Captain America could be the one to save James.

<><><>

September 19, 2012. 11:06 PM

I feel pathetic.

I saw Steve Rogers today and I couldn’t say hello. 

He was roaming around with a couple of agents, trying to find someone or something. I saw him from afar and suddenly felt the urge to tell him — to say James needs help.

But when I got close, I saw the symbol on the agents’ uniforms. It was the same symbol I saw before that rookie agent shot me in the chest.

Of course, Steve is working with them. 

I stood there like a deer in headlights until one of the agents looked at me. I turned away so Steve didn’t see me, but I saw how comfortable he looked. It was like he belonged with them as if he wasn’t once a man from the 40s — a boy who brought his sick mother a balloon.

He could probably help get James out, but I couldn’t risk it. I don’t know what side those people are on, and I am not about to get James killed because of my mistake again. But there’s still a part of me that hopes that behind all that protocol and “doing the right thing,” there was still the man who adored James and followed him into the fire, as Becca had described him.

He could be the hero that James needs.

And me?

I’m pathetic. Selfish, even, to have walked away from Steve because I was too scared. Scared of what those agents might do to me if they found out about my curse — that I could die again and again and come back with no scars or bruises. They could turn me into a weapon, just like how James was by whoever is controlling him.

James is in pain and I’m too scared to talk to Steve.

I feel worthless.

<><><>

March 20, 2014. 9:06 AM

I saved a teenager on February 20 and I woke up wondering if my bones were intact. 

She was on a field trip with her class and I was walking past them when I felt the pull. I looked and saw that she had fallen behind because she just tied her shoelaces, but I saw the bus coming towards her. I ran and pushed her out of the way as the bus went onto the sidewalk.

I’ve been hit by cars, minivans, motorcycles, you name it. But none of them are as bad as getting hit by a bus. I definitely didn’t miss that experience.

Saving her wasn’t smooth — it wasn’t like those scenes in the movies where the hero grabs someone and rolls to safety. I pushed her out of the way just in time before I fell onto the grass, made up of broken bones and blood. People were screaming and calling for help, but the teenager stayed with me.

It felt familiar.

I have died in a vehicular accident so many times, but this felt like when I saved James for the 1st time.

She was crying and telling me to stay awake, but I was only able to smile at her before my vision went dark.

I did see her name tag. Her name is Mandy.

I checked the news this morning and found out that the news didn’t report on my death. It was just another accident in the city to them. But it wasn’t discreet enough for me — the crowd saw me die and Mandy definitely got a good look at my face.

So…it’s time to move. Again. Disappear before someone has the chance to ask why a dead person is suddenly walking around again.

That’s never happened — no one recognizes me — but there is always the chance and I’m not willing to risk it.

But it’s getting harder to keep running. I really liked DC and I felt like I was starting to feel settled for once in my life…but you like to make sure I never feel a true sense of belonging.

Time to look for another apartment somewhere.

<><><>

April 5, 2014. 12:20 AM

I saved James for the 9th time on March 5, and I got to say goodbye.

NEXT CHAPTER >

IMPORTANT NOTE, PLEASE READ:

Part 1 of this story will be 11 chapters long, and then I’ll be taking a ~3 week hiatus because I’m actually finishing my Master’s degree right now! Considering this was originally a short story, I thought I’d finish writing this way before my schedule got insane, but nope! So I’ll be taking some time to graduate + write ahead for the next 2 parts.

Chapter 10 and Chapter 11 (Epilogue of Part 1) will be out on May 3, so Thunderbolts* will feed us Bucky content while I finish my degree!

Thank you to everyone who’s been reading along!

General Taglist! @a-century-of-sass @clemicious @fallenxjas @paryl @frog-fans-unite @sebastians-love @buckvoidsyy @recorddust @nj01 @avengersgirllorianna @western-nightss @chonkybonky

Thanks for reading :)

[everydaymusecreation]

February is here, and it’s time to make your bullet journal extra sweet! This pink Valentine’s Day-themed bundle has everything you need to plan, track, and stay organized—all while making your pages look adorable! Let’s make this month the cutest one yet!