#GOOD NEWS HOWEVER - its nothing really serious. they think its new medication side effects + caffeine (it was a med that could be

[mieczyhale]

when you catch a mistake in ur tags or ur post but its too late 

this wouldn’t keep happening to me if there was a way to better edit and rearrange already typed tags 8|

[realmadridfamily]

“I want everyone to know how brave a woman she is”

“It's true, we feel privileged - we have a good financial situation and I play for the most famous football club in the world and everyone knows me - but this doesn't change the most important thing: we are ordinary people. Like everyone else, we have better and worse days, difficult and beautiful moments, cares and joys. We are strong but also vulnerable. The fact that today we have three wonderful children is largely due to my wife Vanja. I want everyone to know how brave a woman she is. When I think about the situations she had to face, my field worries are meaningless.”

Ivano

"... before my second season in Tottenham Hotspur Vanja and I started talking about getting married. We've been together for almost five years - over four years of which we've lived together. We both wanted to get married and legalize our relationship. During such discussions, we also established one important thing - we both wanted to have a child, or at least three children! One day Vanja was waiting for me at our favorite Italian restaurant in London. I didn't even wonder why she wanted so badly to go there. When I got inside, I noticed that she was nervous, which was unusual for her. I took my seat and Vanja said why she invited me here: "You're going to be a daddy!" It's hard to describe this moment with words. It was one of the best messages I have ever received! My beloved Vanja wanted to convey this to me in a special way. Even though she was tired of morning sickness, she tried to make this moment special. At home, I didn't even notice what was happening to her! She hid everything from me to make sure she was really pregnant. We really wanted our children to be born in Croatia ..." "... we returned to Zagreb on May 9, right after the Premier League ended. Vanja was resting, and I still had to fulfill two obligations with the Croatia NT. From May 24, I was free again and was able to be with my wife. These days were very warm, so I had the idea to go to Zadar and visit my family. Unfortunately, the doctor didn't want her to travel before the birth, so after the conversation we decided that I would go to my parents and sister alone. On the second night in Zadar, I heard my father. It was after five in the morning. Vanja called me but I didn't hear the phone! "Son, wake up! Vanja is going to the hospital!" In one second I woke up and was on my way to Zagreb! I felt bad about not accompanying her that night. Fortunately, her mother lived nearby ..." "... when I spoke to her on the phone I was very close to the hospital. "Vanja, I'll be right there! Please, wait if you can!" But she couldn't. Our first baby was born at 8:10 am and changed our lives forever. The moment when I saw my son for the first time and took him in my arms was one of the happiest in my life. I hugged Vanja and we promised each other that when she got pregnant again, we would definitely be together during the birth - and we kept our word! But then it was our first time, and we had no idea what was waiting for us - besides, Vanja was going to have a caesarean section. We couldn't have anticipated that it would all start three weeks earlier. Vanja and the baby had to stay a few more days at the clinic. I wanted to be part of everything that happened from then on, so I spent a couple of nights with them. For the first four days, the nurses would come to me every morning and ask : "Do we already have a name?" We couldn't make up our minds. Vanja was most concerned with the name Ivano. So I agreed. "Ivano! My little boy and great love ..." "... after two weeks, we were able to go home. Our families were very happy and I was enjoying the days when everything in my life was beautiful and had its place. One day Vanja said that something was wrong, she didn't feel well. At first I thought it was nothing serious and advised her to rest in the bedroom. After a while we heard the sound of a fall. I quickly ran to the second floor. I was shocked to realize that my wife couldn't breathe! We quickly took her to the hospital. Vanja felt a pain in her chest. The doctor admitted that he suspected a blood clot in the lungs and took care of it immediately. I calmed down a bit, but none of us could sleep that night. The blood clot was caused by the body's reaction to pregnancy. The situation was serious, but luckily everything ended well. How badly Vanja was, was evidenced by the fact that the next morning she forgot that she had a son! For the next month, I took her to the hospital every day, and she continued to take anticoagulants for another year and a half. Unfortunately, it wasn't over ..." "... a year has passed since the birth of Ivano. Vanja had migraines, and sometimes she had the feeling that the left side of her face was going numb. But she thought it would pass. One day in 2011, she told me concerned that she had stopped hearing in her left ear. She went for an MRI and there she was diagnosed with a tumor in her ear. At first, we were terrified, but the doctors explained that this was a problem to be solved. In the end, it was decided that gamma knife treatment would be the best option - but it turned out to wait ..."

Ema

"... we packed our own things that had to be taken to Madrid. Vanja took care of this in her second pregnancy. All the problems during the transfer negotiations, moving, adapting to work at Real Madrid and living in Madrid - all of these things we faced during her second pregnancy. I'm not sure Vanja wanted me to carry all these things myself. She didn't feel comfortable with being felt for her health problems ..." "... as you know, after Ivano was born, Vanja suffered a pulmonary embolism, so we were all very worried about her when she was in her second pregnancy. We moved to Madrid, where she was under constant medical supervision and took regular anticoagulant medicine ..." "... the day before the due date of delivery, we played in Dortmund. Coach Mourinho gave me a day off so I flew to Zagreb right after the match. The birth of our daughter was the second of our most beautiful experiences. Everything was fine and we dealt with the name quickly. We both liked short names, so Vanja made her decision - Ema! After a wonderful son, a beautiful daughter was born. The next day I had to go back to Madrid. I had my phone with me all the time! I was able to look at Ema every day until they joined me in the Spanish capital ..." "... in early 2014, my wife decided to fly to London for surgery. She was accompanied by her mother and cousin, because unfortunately I couldn't. It was terribly hard for me to concentrate on football, but I didn't want to talk about my problems. Our fight was our private fight. I didn't want to tell my wife anything because I knew that it’s difficult for her and she tries to hide her fear from me. I had to be strong for her and the kids. We faced everything with a positive attitude ..." "... after returning from London, Vanja had to stick to a special order of the day. I helped her in everything I could. The symptoms went away, which was a good sign. After six months of waiting, she went for her first checkup. The study showed that the tumor began to shrink - today it is four times smaller than it was when it was discovered. Vanja visits the doctor regularly and she feels very well ..."

Sofia

"... after several years of full stabilization, we enjoyed our happiness with Ivano and Ema and the successful stage of my career. And then Vanja, in a moment of weakness, told me something that I believe had been on her mind for a long time: "Luka, I wish we had a third child!" She was fine and after Ema was born she had no complaints, but I didn't even want to hear about it at first. She always said she wanted three children. I had a similar dream: three or four children in a big and happy family. This, however, was before the new circumstances emerged. Vanja had risked her life twice already, and I didn't want this to happen again. She consulted doctors in London about the possible awakening of the tumor as a reaction to the pregnancy. They told her the chances were half and half. She also spoke to doctors in Zagreb, asked them how high the risk of a new blood clot was, but they only told her that despite the appropriate treatment, the risk was always there and only she could make the right decision. So in the end we heard what we already knew - that it could be okay, but it could also end very badly ..." "... but Vanja was determined, and I realized it when she confessed : "You know what, you give it the best in football and I'll give it the maximum for the family!" And so on October 2, 2017 Sofia was born! I came to the hospital in Zagreb from Rijeka, I was present at her birth and everything went well - both Vanja and our second princess felt great ..." "... but a year later, a new nerve arose in Madrid. Vanja was at home and at one point she noticed that her hand went numb and turned a dark blue color. She already knew it was a clot effect because she had learned to recognize the symptoms. She kept a cool head and called the doctor who lived in the neighborhood with whom she had a very good relations. The doctor confirmed her suspicions and immediately took her to the hospital. After all possible tests and studies, they concluded that Vanja should take adequate injections throughout her life ...” "... my wife's resolve in fighting for dreams of three children, despite the risks involved, showed her strength. She recently told me that her gynecologist, after Sofia was born, said: "Vanja, such courage is rare today. If I were you, I would not have decided to have a third child. You are really amazing!" The mother's gust of heart was stronger than anything else. I faced all these crisis situations and nerves, but I was not allowed to show weakness when she was so strong and brave. Thanks to her, today we feel happy and blessed with a wonderful family ..."

(source of quotes - Book “Luka Modric - My Game”)

[lightsandlostbells]

wtFOCK season 3, episode 5 reaction

This whole episode I kept doing that Marge Simpson groan. You know, the one that’s like tight-lipped and this low, exasperated mmm from deep in the throat? That was me constantly.

Episode 5

Clip 1 - Jens gives Robbe sex advice

Robbe texts his mom and says to her he can’t visit, lying that it’s because he’s sick. One repeated element that does exist in this season is Robbe listening to music on his headphones, which is him retreating into himself, or using music to cope. The song lyrics reflect that: “I used to feel so alone, now I’m feeling better on my own.”

Since I’ve been trying to think of ways to rewrite this season, they could expand Robbe using music as a coping strategy even further. Music should have been something that Robbe bonds with Sander over. And not just Sander’s recommendation of Bowie, either, which is all they’ve done so far - it seems like Robbe should give recs or insight as well. Talk about how important music is to him with Sander. Make it a serious point in their developing relationship.

Jens skates up and talks to Robbe. Robbe wants to get high, but Jens doesn’t have weed with him at the moment. He asks Robbe if he’s thought about the Brrrothers, because they’re not the same without Robbe. Robbe snaps and turns away from him, then lies and says his bad mood is about Noor. Jens has already heard that they’re fighting.

Jens’ talk to Robbe, knowing that Noor wants to have sex and Robbe doesn’t, is actually pretty sweet. Even though he doesn’t understand the real reason why Robbe doesn’t want to, his talk is thoughtful and not shaming Robbe for being a nervous virgin, it’s considerate of him. Considering the Brrrothers have been obnoxious about sex and girls all season, this was a refreshing change. One question I do have is how Jens knew that Noor wanted sex and Robbe didn’t, but I guess it was implied that this explanation was part of the rumor mill. 

Of course, the downside is that Jens’ advice prompts Robbe to text Noor about how he misses her and wants to meet up. Bad, Robbe! I don’t know if Jens’ talk encouraged Robbe to text her because Robbe was like “Yeah, I’m supposed to like Noor, better get back on that,” or because maybe he genuinely told himself, “I just don’t want to have sex with her because I’m nervous, yeah, that must be it,” and decided to just move forward with it. 

I do like drama that comes from characters trying to be helpful but unintentionally saying or doing the wrong thing - that’s what happens in the locker room scene with Isak and Even. When Isak says he’s better off without mentally ill people in his life, he’s telling Even this as a way of saying that his mother won’t cause problems for them, he doesn’t care what she’ll think of them dating. So taken on its own, I think this scene is fine.

HOWEVER. The pacing of this season is again, SO SO weird, because this scene would have fit right in around episodes 2-3? Right after Robbe tried and failed to have sex with Noor, you know ... the first time? Or the second, or the third? Like … have it be in line with Isak’s episode 3 sexuality crisis, all the “why does he have to be so gay” stuff. It would’ve worked well to have this talk at like, the beginning of episode 3, and then have Robbe making the “that guy is so gay” comment as an unintentional result of this - by trying to convince himself he is just straight and nervous and distancing himself from being gay. We had three entire scenes of Robbe failing to fuck Noor, so narratively, why did we need to wait this long for Jens to talk to him about it? 

Clip 2 - AGAIN?

Robbe invites Noor over to bone. He’s lit about a million candles and is trying to make this a big romantic deal, except lmao, he has on David Bowie’s Life on Mars … Robbe … what u doing…

Actually, I’m not sure if this is diegetic music or not, if Robbe is blasting Bowie from his phone as mood music or if he’s only hearing this song inside his head. I think we’re definitely meant to take away that Robbe is hearing the song since it gets distorted as he slinks down Noor’s body, and that it’s not just there for the audience. In either case, Sander is supposedly the shadow hanging over this sad hetero affair.

Tbh listening to Life on Mars is the best part of this season and I wish I could just like … listen to this song play against a black screen instead of watching poorly written, repetitive clips.

They start to get it on and he takes off her shirt, unhooks her bra, yadda yadda, he doesn’t look happy but he soldiers on and it’s implied they went All The Way. On the one hand, I will rage if they actually had sex. On the other hand, if they don’t, it’s yet another clip where the same shit happens, Robbe tries to bang Noor and fails.. 

Clip 3 - Robbe’s not turned on by Noor and this is BRAND NEW INFORMATION

… okay, so he didn’t have sex with her AGAIN? He couldn’t get it up?

For fuck’s sake. I mean, on the one hand I’m glad it was actually Robbe’s choice (apparently) to put a stop to the sex instead of like, someone else walking in and interrupting yet again, but on the other hand, I feel like we have done this scene SO MUCH. We KNOW. About the only thing that’s changed I guess is that Robbe kissed a boy and now he’s trying to be straight? If this was only like the second time this scene had happened, it would have been fine.

I just don’t have a coherent idea of Robbe’s arc. This season is going in circles. 

Anyway, Robbe couldn’t get it up, Noor is sympathetic, she asks if it’s her, Robbe says she’s amazing, he looks sad and haunted blah blah we’ve already seen this play out.

Why were these separate clips? In the first clip, we have Robbe seemingly determined to have sex with Noor, and then in the second, he can’t get it up. So why not SHOW THE MOMENT OF CHANGE? Are these filmmakers on drugs? This is storytelling 101. Like there’s no reason to split up these clips except to cause a bit of anxiety if you happen to be able to watch the clips at the exact time they’re posted, and from a real-time perspective I get it, but that’s ineffective for the vast majority of people who will have to watch later and then will watch these two clips together at the same time. I mean, the fact that it’s not even 10 minutes in between clips … just SHOW THE WHOLE SCENE. Holy fuck. How are they this incompetent?

The pacing of the scenes themselves is so weird. So many of the clips are oddly short, we don’t NEED them to be split into parts. It makes me really appreciate Julie’s pacing: Skam S3 episodes had 4-6 clips each, and in those clips, we got rich scenes packed with details, often multi-tasking within different story threads. wtFOCK’s pacing is simplistic and choppy and unnecessary.

Clip 4 - Milan gives Robbe a pep talk

Robbe is Googling erectile dysfunction which is honestly kind of funny (but again, probably would have been a better fit for earlier in this season, before Robbe had already kissed a dude ...) Milan comes in wanting advice on two shirts, Robbe is annoyed.

Milan tries to get Robbe to talk to him. It takes some prodding (and I do like how Robbe is swiveling in his chair and not looking at Milan) but Robbe admits there’s a guy who likes him and, after Milan asks, admits that it’s mutual. 

Tbh … I don’t find it so hard to believe that Robbe opened up to Milan even though they’re not anywhere as close as Eskild and Isak, because I do think another gay guy is a “safe” person to talk to about this situation and I can see Robbe doing it. What I do NOT get is why, here and now, Robbe is now openly admitting it. Why did we go from Robbe trying to fuck a girl and, before that, calling the boy he kissed a pervert and a homophobic slur, to admitting his attraction for a boy? Why the sudden turnaround? Based on the clips themselves, all we have to go off as a turning point is that he couldn’t fuck Noor, BUT this is nothing new for either Robbe and the audience, AND not being able to fuck a girl does not actually mean that Robbe would be able to fuck a guy, or that he’s into guys, and it especially doesn’t mean that Robbe would accept that he likes a guy.  I mean, he’s Googling “erectile dysfunction” not “am I gay?” which tbh seems still more like denial than anything. He’s blaming his lack of arousal on a medical issue, not his sexuality.

This scene would feel more true to me if Robbe was like, downplaying his side of it, or playing it off as only Sander had feelings and it wasn’t requited. That’s more in line with the characterization we have just been given, that Robbe is denying his attraction to Sander.

Another way would be to not split up the sex clip and to show like, Robbe flashing back to his kiss with Sander while he’s making out with Noor, so we get that it’s not just that he’s not into Noor, it’s that he’s very into Sander, and we see him grudgingly admit to himself that yes, he’s attracted to Sander (at the very least.) which would make it believable that he admits it to Milan. Cause and effect, etc.

MIlan is like, are you so nervous to tell me you have a crush on another guy (...????? um, yes, Milan, you have to know it’s hard to come out???) but is pretty supportive and says Robbe’s lucky to have him, Milan would have wanted himself when he was going through this. Robbe is just like, I don’t know what I feel and I want everything to be normal, there’s too much shit going on right now. Milan says Robbe IS normal and he doesn’t want to bottle up who he is, the pressure will get too real and he’ll explode, he’ll hurt people. Robbe seems to take this advice seriously, so hopefully this scene will actually lead to cause + effect.

Again, this scene is fine on its own? There’s just something about the pacing of the season as a whole that feels strange.

I don’t know if this is supposed to be the equivalent of the Pride clip, because Robbe doesn’t say anything offensive and Milan didn’t get upset. Milan’s advice is good about not pushing away who you really are, but there’s nothing specifically confronting internalized homophobia, which Robbe desperately needs seeing as he’s had some extremely homophobic outbursts. I think it’s a shame to lose that part of the scene, because it’s got a very pointed and urgent message. (EDIT from the future: We got the Pride clip later in the episode, so that’s good.)

Clip 5 - Robbe tells Jens he likes someone else

Robbe is sitting on the sidelines listening to music again. Jens comes over and asks how things are, Robbe says he took his advice with Noor and Jens is happy that he’s a matchmaker. Robbe is like no, there’s someone else. He says he thought it would go away, but it didn’t. 

For a moment it seems like this might be a sudden coming out scene, but Jens finally asks who it is and Robbe clams up and finds it hard to get out. Jens asks if she goes to their school. Robbe is saved by Moyo wanting to play a game against some guys.

This is some plausible conflict, at the very least, Robbe not being able to tell his friends that he’s into a guy. It would have been way better to focus on this instead of Robbe flinging a slur at Sander. Robbe’s friends seem like the clearest explanation for his internalized homophobia. 

Now Jens needs to follow up on this development, or else turn in his Jonas card. Because there’s dropping the subject if he senses Robbe doesn’t want to tell him yet, and then there’s forgetting about the subject because Jens isn’t that engaged with what’s happening with Robbe, and unfortunately the latter vibe has come across far more than the first. Like why does it seem like Jens is always walking away?

Clip 6 - Robbe breaks up with Noor

Old Town Road is playing as Noor meets Robbe in a cafe. One thing I do notice is that there are a fair amount of gay musicians on the soundtrack this season, so that’s cool.

Robbe is stressed because we can tell he’s gonna try to break up with Noor. He doesn’t order anything to eat. Noor is sympathetic about him not getting it up with her, but Robbe says he needs some time for himself, he has so much shit on his mind. Noor says she can help with that, he’s like nah, Noor is crying and reaching for him desperately. He gets up and walks out.

L O L I heard all about how Robbe supposedly handled this better than Isak, and I mean … on the one hand, I certainly agree that he did Noor a solid by officially breaking up with her and not just running away from her in the hallway. But er ... first of all, Robbe went wayyyyyyyyy farther with Noor than Isak EVER did with Emma. Robbe and Noor had an actual relationship for what, a month? Isak and Emma made out twice and flirted a bit. They were not exclusively, seriously dating. So yeah, Noor is owed this breakup. 

Second, Robbe still cheated on her with Sander before he broke up with her. The fact that they were naked while they made out in the pool frankly adds an on-screen sexual element to the cheating. And technically Isak making out with Even in the pool was not cheating … for sure it was a dick move to lead on Emma and then ditch her like that, I’m not going to say it was NBD, but like I said, they weren’t exclusively dating. I mean, in all my years of Skam fandom, it’s pretty rare that I’ve heard anyone refer to what Isak did as cheating - it’s usually talked about differently than Even cheating on Sonja. Robbe and Sander BOTH cheated on their girlfriends here. 

Third, it’s nice he did this with Noor but lmao, kinda small potatoes considering what Robbe said to Sander. 

Fourth, Robbe just gets up and leaves while she’s crying, lol. He let her order soup and then he ditched her! That’s cold as ice! Bro, you need to stick around until she tells you to leave, or you needed to pick a breakup location where both of you can leave ASAP without someone coming by with the meal you ordered.

And to be clear, I don’t think Robbe not handling this perfectly makes him a terrible person or anything. It’s more the comparison to Isak with how Isak is supposedly worse and Robbe is much nicer. Nah.

Sucks for Noor and all, but whyyyy are they making the Emma character so tragic and emphasizing this het relationship so much? We don’t even end the clip on Robbe’s POV. Because how he feels about this breakup doesn’t matter, I guess. Does he feel guilty? Free? Unsure? Conflicted? IDK because we close on her, not him! I’m sorry, but it’s not her season!

I mentioned this in an earlier reaction but I’m just super tired of gay storylines that have this intense focus on how much someone being gay hurts a straight person. I believe I mentioned Love, Victor as a prominent example, because Victor’s relationship with his girlfriend seemingly gets more screen time than the relationship with his actual male love interest. And I get why this storyline is relevant to a coming out arc, of course I do, but it really bugs me when the het relationship seems to overshadow the gay relationship, as it does here. At this point I feel like Robbe/Noor has been given equal plot relevance as Robbe/Sander, if not more, and that should not be the case. It’s not about shipping, it’s about wanting a story about a gay kid’s journey of self-acceptance to focus more on the life-changing love story that is the catalyst for embracing his sexuality, than the fake passion-less relationship that is doomed to failure that is just a momentary stumble in said journey of self-acceptance. There is no need to demonize Noor, but there is actually a middle ground between treating her with respect and empathy and making her the real victim of this story.

This narrative choice also does not exist in a vacuum. It is completely fair to be skeptical of the prioritization of a het relationship over a gay one. It’s fair to wonder why we’ve gotten multiple scenes of Robbe getting hot and heavy with a girl, why Robbe spends a pivotal clip being so sad about Noor that he doesn’t seem to really notice or care that he’s alone with the guy he supposedly likes. 

I mean, fuck, Robbe seems more upset about hurting Noor’s feelings by breaking up with her for legitimate reasons than he does about hurting Sander’s feelings by calling him a f*g and accusing him of sexual assault.

Clip 7 - Robbe tries to speak with Sander

Robbe goes to school (not his school, Sander’s) and asks where the art room is. He’s in a way better mood, a spring in his step, but LMAO you better pray that Sander actually wants to talk to you rather than kick your ass or avoid you for all eternity because of what you said to him.

Sander is sketching a nude male model. Robbe seems happy just to see him. He walks away and goes to the bathroom, fixes his hair, stares in the mirror, takes a deep breath. Then he goes up to Sander after the bell rings. Robbe wants to talk, Sander is not having it and walks away. Robbe is sad, angsty music plays. 

Uhhhhh, serves you right? No offense but I can’t even feel sad for Robbe in this scenario, because what he did crossed a line. Internalized homophobia is a hell of a drug, but there’s such a difference between Robbe just denying that the kiss meant anything or blaming it on being drunk or whatever, and essentially accusing Sander of sexual assault and calling him a slur. It’s not an ignorant mistake, it’s a malicious one. I feel bad that Robbe ever had such self-hatred that he made those comments in the first place and I certainly don’t hate him or think he should be forever alone, but it is 100% understandable why Sander would not want to speak to him after that.

Also, going up to Sander at his school was not the best move, because he’s basically ambushing him. Sander doesn’t have a choice whether to deal with Robbe in that moment. It would’ve been better if Robbe sent him some kind of apology text or voicemail first and left it up to Sander whether he wanted to meet. I get that’s not as good for televised dramaaaa, but it’s kinder to Sander. (And if Sander doesn’t respond, or if he’s blocked Robbe, well, those are just consequences of Robbe’s actions that he’ll have to live with.)  EDIT: Robbe actually did contact Sander first via text, wanting to meet up so he could explain. That does make it somewhat better, although I still think he shouldn’t have approached him at school. If Sander doesn’t want to talk to you? Then give him space. Maybe he’ll be willing to hear you out in time, or maybe he’ll decide he’s better off without you, but Robbe’s the one who did something wrong and it’s not up to Robbe whether Sander forgives him.

Clip 8 - Robbe and Sander make up and kiss

Angsty music keeps playing as Robbe walks home. He sees a mom and her kids playing, more sadness presumably due to his own family troubles.

Sander has followed him and says he has five minutes. Robbe’s like “Why don’t you want to talk?” LMAO IDK ROBBE, WHAT COULD IT BE. 

Robbe says he’s sorry and that he loves Sander. LMAO WHAT. Is this a nuance of translation where “I love you” isn’t as strong as it is in English? Are you kidding me? 

First of all … he LOVES Sander when they’ve barely interacted? They’ve spoken only a handful of times. Hell, they only met in episode 3, and this is episode 5. It’s been like two weeks since they’ve met, and while I could buy that some ships fell in love in that short of time, this is sure as fuck not one of them.

Second … Robbe goes from shoving Sander and calling him horrible things and trying to fuck Noor, to professing his love for Sander, WITHIN DAYS? And this is the character who’s supposed to have a big coming out arc? What is nuance, what is good writing, what is a coherent idea of this character’s struggles with his sexuality and himself... The talk with Milan might convince Robbe to accept his feelings, but it would make way more sense if Robbe was more tentative about them. He doesn’t need to come out swinging the big epic declarations in order to accept his romantic interest in Sander.

Like this isn’t even based on what I personally think is believable for a romance, this is based on what wtFOCK has told me about this character! They made the choice to make him say more viciously homophobic things. They made the choice to have him go back to Noor and try to have sex with her for the millionth time.

I’m glad that Sander doesn’t buy the confession at first, at least. 

Robbe says that he was really fucked up and hat Sander is the first dude. There is a cute moment where he’s like “that kiss (mimes fireworks)” but then things went Chernobyl. Would have been great if we saw exactly what made him go Chernobyl and make him regret the kiss. He says he’s sorry but asks for one more chance.

Sander steps in, leans in for a kiss. “What about Chernobyl?” “Fuck Chernobyl.” They kiss, it’s really sweet, but lol they’re kissing in public??? Robbe is ok with this?? I just have abso-fucking-lutely no idea where this kid’s head is. Like ... how is he so cool with this considering where he was just days ago? Apparently Robbe’s internalized homophobia was so extreme that he was all “get away from me f*g” toward Sander with no clear catalyst, but also not so extreme that it couldn’t be fixed with a pep talk from Milan? Okay!

This scene would have been totally fine if Robbe’s mistake was less cruel and amounted to blocking Sander or telling him to stay away or w/e. It doesn’t feel satisfying for what Robbe actually did say.

Also, sigh, because Sander did forgive Robbe just like that, and I don’t buy it. I mean, if anything, it makes me sad for Sander. I want to tell him that he deserves better. I suppose I can buy this as part of his fear that no one will ever love him, that he’s desperate to be accepted and loved and so is quick to forgive.

It would have made more sense for Robbe to have a longer period of self-reflection, have him come out to his friends, etc. and then reunite with Sander an episode or so later, similar to how Isak and Even reunited at the end of episode 7. Or to have Sander take some time before letting Robbe talk to him, during which Robbe works on his own issues.

Sander gets a call from Britt, which he ignores, saying Britt’s the past, he and Robbe are the future (as the song lyrics talk about the future and the past … they’re going pretty on the nose this season. Fine by me, OG was also on the nose.) Lmao but Robbe has no right to be upset about Britt after he explicitly told Sander to stay away. I mean, it’s dubious of Sander to keep dating her after cheating, but he also thought Robbe was no longer an option sooo don’t be surprised Sander is still with her, dude.

Sander goes to meet Britt, but not before some make outs, some handholding. I think their chemistry is good! It’s just that I don’t really buy the depth of this relationship. It legit makes me sad that these actors are getting served this half-assed material. 

Clip 9 - Zoë gets a letter

Robbe goes home and gets a text from Sander, with a sketch of them, saying their kiss was Chernobyl. Well, that’s cute.

Milan is telling Zoë about seeing some straight-looking dude on the bus who melted when Milan looked at him. Robbe is in a good mood and is gonna do the cooking. Milan observes that he’s happy and asks if things went well with his (Robbe looks toward Zoë) “lovely girlfriend”. At least Milan covered for him! (EDIT from the future: Ahahaha, funny considering how casually people out Robbe this season...) 

Robbe hands Zoë some mail that turns out to do with Viktor, the apparent Nikolai in this version, about the case going to court. She has to testify. She is upset and walks out of the kitchen.

I complained a bit about Zoë/Senne drama taking up time in Robbe’s season, but to be clear, I have no problem with them following up on this plot point from S2. It’s a hugely important story. But I also think it works best if you integrate it into Robbe’s story, by drawing a parallel to their situations, finding a common theme, etc. And it depends on whether Robbe’s story is otherwise satisfactory, because if the writing is pretty tight, I’m not really bothered by digressions in other characters’ subplots. 

Clip 10 - Robbe and Sander get cozy

Oh hey, it’s the big cuddling clip! Robbe and Sander goof off, pillow fight, smoke a joint, make out. Mostly make out. Sander shows Robbe a sketch of him (Robbe) and implies how good it would look on a wall (big). 

Robbe’s fave actor is Leonardo DiCaprio, because hasn’t Sander seen Romeo + Juliet? It’s fucking beautiful.

Man, on the one hand, sick Skam reference, and it’s just a simple, cute little nod to OG, not something complicated. I can dig that. But on the other hand, now I’m annoyed at how Isak got all of this beautiful development and watching R+J actually meant something for his character, and Robbe has absolutely nothing like that. Stuff like the fact it’s Robbe who likes R+J instead of Sander, WHICH IS FINE, but like … doesn’t say anything about Robbe’s view on masculinity or w/e, doesn’t do much for his characterization.

Sander takes pics of Robbe. Their chemistry is cute. Once again I despair at gifted actors being given subpar material leading up to this clip.

LMAO at them copying the dialogue from OG, Sander being all life is like a movie. Again, irrationally annoyed because this dialogue MEANT something to Even. Even was a huge film buff and an aspiring director. Sander hasn’t mentioned movies at all, he’s into art and David Bowie and photography. So why not have Sander quote some Bowie lyrics that explain his thoughts on life? Mention what art means to him? Personalize this dialogue so that it’s specific to Sander. Or, if you’re going to borrow this chunk of dialogue, at least establish Sander as a film enthusiast prior to this clip.

Also that Isak brought up the multiverse theory because he was smart and inquisitive, but I have no idea who the fuck Robbe is. Does this make sense with Robbe’s prior characterization? Shrug.

I do like the multiverse reference to Spider-Man because HELL YEAH Into the Spider-Verse!!! Fucking masterpiece! I could be watching that for the 20th time instead of the upcoming gay-bashing hate crime.

I do like Sander’s acting in this scene and his reaction, how the music (“Ocean Eyes”) stops when Sander starts talking about multiverse theory. His dialogue is a little different here than OG, about thinking about what he’s done and wondering why he thinks something, his thoughts never stop, which fits in with bipolar disorder.

Robbe notices he’s a little agitated, Sander says the only way to stop your thoughts is from dying. So I guess we’re putting in the suicidal thoughts in this version?

“Sometimes I forget how young you are.” Are they the same age in this version? Lmao. It’s a joke so it’s not a big deal.

Robbe starts kissing him and asks when Sander fell for him. Sander is like, before you! When Robbe was spraying the graffiti he knew Robbe was the one. Robbe is like … you were there??

I mean. this is cute and all, but doesn’t it kinda take away from later events, if Sander goes back to Britt, then like … knowing Sander has been Pining All Along should create way less doubt in Robbe’s mind? When Even went back to Sonja, there was room for actual doubt in Isak’s mind (and the audience’s) about the sincerity of Even’s feelings. I think people forgot that the “I saw you the first day of school” moment at the end of the season was a surprise. I was in the fandom and I don’t think a lot of people thought Even had fallen for Isak that early. So Robbe now knows that Sander fell for him well before they even talked, doesn’t that remove some of the tension about Sander’s motives? I suppose it depends on how the story goes from here, but if it’s similar to OG, then I think it slightly lessens the ambiguity and tension.

Also, another reason why it would have been good to actually see the graffiti scene play out in episode 1… and to see what Robbe tagged on the wall … come on. COME ONNNN. Let’s see what got Sander’s attention! Did Robbe create something funny or clever or insightful? Wouldn’t that have been a great detail to show their connection? This is basic storytelling, hello? 

I guess if I’m being fair, we don’t know exactly what Even saw in Isak that first day of school, either. But then again, we didn’t see the first day of school in a clip, while we definitely saw the graffiti scene. Just a missed opportunity, IMO.

They kiss and Sander gets a text from Britt. According to Sander, he told Britt about him and Robbe, but she doesn’t believe him, which is what I assumed of Sonja too, btw. At least, that’s what I thought at Emma’s party where she initiated the kiss with Even. Sander says Britt is so controlling. Robbe seems uncertain.

Sander says there’s probably another universe where Sander is still with Britt, but he’s glad to be in this universe. I do like this part.

Clip 11 - Milan schools Robbe on Pride

Robbe’s alarm goes off in the morning. He smiles a bit, though, presumably because he’s got Sander in his life. He gets a good morning text from Sander, which is cute and makes him smile more. Goes into the bathroom and Milan is there. Sander texts Robbe that he’s been thinking about him in all universes, Robbe is happy.

Milan is like, when can I meet your boyfriend??? Robbe says soon. Awww, this interaction is pretty sweet. Milan is like, welcome to the club! You know, “our” club meaning dudes who like dudes.

Robbe is like, just because I’m with Sander doesn’t mean I belong to some club, I’m not like you. Milan is like … and how am I? Robbe gives the usual Isak-ish response of dressing up and talking about BJs, Milan gets upset. Robbe says there’s nothing wrong with being gay but when people think of being gay, they think of that and it’s not fair to those who aren’t like that. Robbe’s not going to put on leather pants and dance at pride just because he likes Sander!

Milan gets very upset and goes into the Pride speech. I always appreciate this scene and I’m grateful that it’s one thing the remakes don’t really fuck with, since it’s so important (I think the remakes all recognize that it’s amazing, heh). 

Senne wanting to use the bathroom is kind of a jarring thing, they should’ve just let the moment sink in.

Robbe takes a Good Hard Look at himself in the mirror which is on the nose but like, better than nothing. I think there was a mirror earlier in the season? I confess that I’m so hung up on the basic writing fumbles that I might be missing stuff that’s actually supposed to be symbolic.

Anyway, all things considered, I think they did fine with this clip. Robbe coming out to Milan earlier in the episode did help pave the way for this talk since they didn’t have the close relationship as Isak and Eskild. Like, any issues I might have with it are related to the bigger issues in the season, but on its own, I felt like it was decent, and the “welcome to the club” comment is something I can believe Milan would say and something that would make Robbe reply with a boneheaded comment.

Clip 12 - This fucking scene

Robbe and Sander flirt in a bar and get touchy-feely with each other. For some baffling choice, we start with some rap/hip-hop song and then it cuts to “Two Men In Love” by The Irrepressibles … like … you could just start the clip with that song instead of this weird non-transition?

They kiss and then move outside the bar and then kiss and cuddle some more (again … I ask, where did Robbe’s boldness with gay PDA come from ...) Robbe jumps on Sander for a piggyback ride. They kiss passionately in the street.

Ahahahahahahahahah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAA FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Some homophobes spot them and call them slurs. Robbe and Sander try to grab their bikes and quickly leave. The bigots manage to grab them and beat the shit out of them. It’s really brutal, like we get POV shots from the ground as the guys kick them. The guys call them f****ts once more before leaving Robbe and Sander crumpled on the ground in the fetal position. The wheels on the bike go round and round.

I mean … where do you even start.

OK, I’ll start here: worst decision made in a Skam S3 remake yet.

“Yeah, Skam season 3 was a masterpiece and all, but you know what I could have used more of? Violent gay-bashing,” said no one ever.

I don’t get triggered by media, not really, but boy am I glad I was spoiled for this. Because I do get fucking angry at media. And I’m angry now, but if I was watching this unspoiled? Man, I would’ve popped a couple of blood vessels. And I feel so, so sorry for people who watched this unprepared and were triggered. Because yeah, it is a remake and not 100% like the original, you can’t predict everything that will happen. But this isn’t something that you expect in S3, because you expect the writers to know enough to leave this shit out. This isn’t made with kind intentions for the audience, it’s made for shock value.

Consider that the WHOLE POINT of this very, very short clip is the hate crime, btw. It’s like two minutes long! They dropped a clip just for a cute kissing montage and then to interrupt it with a brutal beating! Something about that makes it even more repugnant than if it were like … a long involved scene about something else, and this happened. IDK, something about it feels even more tasteless, like this beating is their cinematic setpiece.

The first-person POV of the beating = not necessary. Like of ALL the fucking times in your season to actually give a shit about the importance of POV, lmao. This isn’t a video game. I’m not shooting zombies or getting jumped by bandits.

Remember when Skam faded to black on Noora’s blackout? And cut away from Even walking naked out of the hotel? Yeah, there are plot and POV reasons for those, but they were also ways to respect the audience and not include pointlessly triggering, exploitative material. 

There’s just so much to say about this bad choice that I’m at a loss. Why did we need to go here? In particular, why did we need to go here knowing how the rest of the season plays out? Because for me, that’s what clinches this as a terrible decision. This isn’t a shitty scene with a satisfying follow-up. The resolution - or non-resolution, as it turns out - of this plot development is what exposes wtFOCK’s true character.

There is an AMAZING Evak vid set to Two Men In Love and I recommend you watch it to get the bad taste out of your mouth from this scene.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:

Sigh.

This is just textbook bad writing for coming out stories, not to mention packed full of tired cliches.

Closeted gay guy is violently homophobic (Robbe calls his love interest homophobic slurs and accuses him of being a pervert) - I’m sorry but I am so tired of the “dating your bully” trope and this is what it fell into for me. Why should Sander take back Robbe after that? After Sander told Robbe he was afraid no one would ever love him? 

Gay-bashing For The Drama, to make sure you know homophobia is bad, really bad.

Overemphasis on the heterosexual love interest (“love interest”) and how it’s hurtful to her, like I get that it’s a delicate topic with not demonizing her, but I always feel like there is SO much interest on straight characters in these stories! It’s not about them!

The hate crime has to go. Really. What is even the POINT of it in this particular story? As if there wasn’t enough angst in S3? Especially if you consider: they wasted a few episodes on repetitive nonsense. Their pacing is fucked up. And now you have to insert this monumentally offensive storyline and its fallout into a season already full of problems? Next.

Okay, I will offer ONE way to incorporate the hate crime, and that is simple: Make the rest of the season about the fallout. Similar to Noora’s season with her assault, dive deep into the trauma, spend a few episodes with Robbe and Sander recovering, telling their friends about it, going to the police about it. Cut back on other drama from S3. Don’t fuck around with Sander going back to Britt, unless you tie it in directly to him being afraid to date a guy after the hate crime. Don’t fuck around with Noor outing Robbe considering he has enough shit on his plate. If you want to bring her back, make her support him through the trauma. Honestly? Don’t fuck around with the hotel incident. Like I truly hate to lose Sander’s mental illness as a vital part of the season, but adding a full-blown manic episode on top of gay-bashing is way too much misery porn. I think you could probably show how the hate crime and resulting trauma affect Sander’s mental state without pushing it into full-blown wandering the streets naked while manic. 

Do I particularly like this plot? I mean, no, not compared to the original, and I feel like this is better off as its own thing rather than a S3 adaptation. But at the very least, I can see the attempt to take the hate crime seriously. You cannot just throw in this type of scenario to shake things up and leave it at that. This show is specifically made for teenagers, to take their struggles seriously and to give them positive examples of how to handle problems. If you prioritize the violent act itself because it’s dramatic and shocking, rather than the recovery (because that’s like, boring and uninteresting, amirite), then you’ve shown your ass. You don’t understand the purpose or the appeal of Skam in the first place.

Jumping ahead, I think this is exactly where wtFOCK exposes its true intentions. wtFOCK does not care about helping vulnerable teenagers find solutions to tough problems. wtFOCK does not care about healing or educating. wtFOCK is about shaking the audience so hard that viewers get whiplash. If wtFOCK gave a shit about helping the audience, the rest of the season would focus on Robbe and Sander dealing with the assault, giving them options to report it, showing them ways to cope with the trauma. Things that might help audience members who unfortunately also found themselves victims of hate crimes or homophobic violence. Those are not present in the rest of the season. It’s just a fucking soap opera. 

If you MUST have a homophobic incident to go with your dark ‘n’ edgy season, you can still limit it to some assholes yelling homophobic slurs without resorting to violence. That’s bad enough, and it did happen to Isak and Even later in the series. Even if you decide you MUST have a violent angle to this incident for whatever reason, I don’t fucking know why but OK, you don’t need to film it in this super exploitative manner where our heroes are getting viciously beaten on the ground. But there are so many ways to incorporate external homophobia without this shit.

Wouldn’t this dreadful scene make more sense at least if it had happened after the pool kiss? Like they go out a few days later, the hate crime happens, and then THAT’s why Robbe pushes away Sander and calls him names? Because now he’s afraid and he’s internalized what the bigots said? It’s tragic and gross, but at least there’s some character-driven logic in that sequence of events.

Another thing that really doesn’t work is that they’re straying so far from the original script, but at the same time they keep jamming in scenes from the original, except there isn’t the same buildup. Or any buildup, sometimes. This results in an incoherent mess of a season and of a POV character, where Robbe is part-Robbe, part-Isak.

I think all the remakes do this to a degree: there are certain beats they feel they must hit, and they hit them even though they’re off course. You need to commit either to doing a mostly faithful adaptation of the original, or to doing a remake with your own spin on the characters, but you need to be very, very careful not to just haplessly mix ‘n’ match the two. Does a scene from OG make sense within this remake universe? No? Then drop it, rewrite it, do what you need to do, just don’t carelessly recreate it if it doesn’t fit.

The way they’re writing Jens is bizarre because he seems to care enough about Robbe to ask him how he’s doing, but also not care enough to stick around and listen once the next shiny thing comes along. From the beginning they’ve set up the friendship tension with the boy squad as not just Robbe’s fault, but as a failure of his friends to pay attention as well. Like in the first episode Robbe is trying to talk to them and they just ditch him! They really need to make Jens more aware of how he himself has messed up with his friend, and not act like this is all Robbe’s doing.

We don’t need another Noor blue balls scene, thank you, bye. But if we keep this one, then we absolutely needed to see what exactly made Robbe stop in the act of sex with her, such as him flashing back to his kiss with Sander. Or even just letting us see him make the decision, because goddamn, what’s with wtFOCK not letting this young actor actually act out some of the meatiest material?

Overall, give Robbe more baby steps in his personal development, and not unbelievable leaps and changes in his behavior because the plot demands them.

I did try to think of a way to incorporate much of the same material from this week, including a hate crime, in a way that made more sense and was not ridiculously OTT or offensive. It’s hard because I really think you need to go back to the beginning of the season, but here’s what I came up with, borrowing some elements from the last episode as well.

Robbe wakes up the night after kissing Sander. He’s happy and glowing, he sees a cute text from Sander and smiles. Then he goes to the kitchen and Milan is there with a black eye or something, he’s talking to Zoë and Senne, maybe they’re tending to his injuries. Robbe asks what happened. Milan had a date last night and some homophobes started giving them a hard time, Milan wasn’t having it, punches were thrown. Milan is very shaken and upset. So is Robbe, who panics. Is this what he has to look forward to if he’s dating a gay? Will people harass him just for being out with his boyfriend? The implications of what it means to be a gay person in this world hit him really hard. He looks at Sander’s text again and ignores him and possibly blocks him. At some point we will establish that Robbe is also ignoring texts/calls from everyone else, too: Noor, Jens, his mom...

Sander shows up the next day outside Robbe’s place after Robbe has been ignoring him. He tries to talk to Robbe, but Robbe is freaked out and visibly nervous, his eyes darting around - he’s paranoid now about being seen with Sander, due to Milan’s incident. He’s worried about being a target for homophobic violence, understandably so. Sander doesn’t realize that Robbe’s frightened, however, and keeps talking and being nice. Robbe tries to play off the other night as just him being drunk, it was a mistake. When Sander physically gets too close to Robbe, Robbe yells that he’s not gay and runs inside, leaving Sander alone.

Robbe encounters Milan at home alone. Milan is still bruised from the homophobic incident. Milan is unusually subdued. Robbe says he’s sorry for what happened to Milan, it’s terrible. Robbe then sticks his foot in his mouth by saying something well-intentioned but hurtful and ignorant about how maybe Milan shouldn’t be so gay in public or w/e, since that will just attract homophobes, and that not all gay people act like Milan (meaning flamboyant, etc.) Milan gets really, really upset and snaps at Robbe about how gay people have been beaten and killed for just being who they are - basically a version of the Pride speech with a somewhat different context - and that it takes bravery and strength, Robbe doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. So that ends on a bad note for them.

Now trying to get out of the house since he’s fought with Milan, Robbe meets up with Jens, or maybe Jens finds him at the park or whatever. Jens comments on how it’s been a while since they’ve talked. Robbe says he was just worried about what the guys would say since he blew up at them previously. Jens is like, dude, we’re your friends. You have to talk to the people who care about you, you can’t just ghost them and avoid facing your problems. Robbe takes this advice to heart. Jens tells Robbe that he’s ready to listen when Robbe wants to talk.  Maybe Robbe sees something that reminds him of Sander, like graffiti on a building, and despite his fears, we can see that he really misses Sander, and that his feelings for Sander are stronger than his fears.

Next he meets up with Noor. She’s really upset that he’s been ignoring her. He apologizes and a version of the breakup scene goes down. When Robbe leaves, we see him walk away with a conflicted expression. Sorry that he’s hurt Noor, but understanding that this was the right call, and relief that he doesn’t have to pretend any more. 

Robbe sees Milan again and apologizes for what he said last time. Milan accepts his apology. Robbe admits that he’s been confused lately because he likes a guy and he doesn’t know what that makes him. Milan says something like that’s great Robbe likes a guy and that Robbe doesn’t need to label himself right now, he should just follow his heart. Maybe that liking boys is scary (Milan points to his black eye) and sometimes you need to be careful, but at the end of the day, Milan has to be himself and live his life honestly, and so does Robbe. After Milan leaves, Robbe takes out his phone and texts Sander saying he wants to talk.

Sander meets Robbe somewhere and Robbe apologizes for ignoring him, says he freaked out because that was the first time he kissed a guy, but now he’s made up his mind that he wants to be with Sander. They kiss and make up, yayyyyy.

This is by no means a perfect solution (like the thought of then going into the shit with Britt next episode on top of this makes my head hurt), this is just an attempt to include stuff like homophobic violence, Robbe’s ghosting Sander, scenes with Jens and Noor, etc. in a way that makes a little more linear sense to me and doesn’t feel as haphazard, and isn’t super triggering or exploitative. I think if you have a hate crime happening to Robbe himself, that really needs to be the main focus from here on out, for at least a few episodes; if you have something off-screen happening to another character, you can address the topic of violent homophobia without having it dominate the season or featuring triggering scenes. And hopefully it would still have some emotional impact, because we see how it affects Milan, and some clear consequences for character development, because we see how it affects Robbe, as the situation he may find himself in one day.

If I missed anything, cultural notes, translation nuances, let me know!

[wisemanners]

@wadamwoltron asked sincerely for my take on The Scene so here it is, i guess, but on my blog and NOT in her DMs like a weirdo. also some additional background context i guess. i’m trying to keep this somewhat objective, though obviously my specific memories are probably going to color it anyways.

so background context: this is mostly metatextual analysis regarding what is apparently a hotly debated topic in fandom of “what shiro’s mysterious disease.” the wiki says muscular dystrophy; we can’t find a source for this (though, if you know of one, please feel free to share). what’s stated in canon (in 7.1, “a little adventure”) is as follows: 

it’s a muscular disorder

it’s degenerative

it involves muscle stiffness or tightness, which is alleviated by electrostimulation

we know for sure it affects his right arm; keith’s asking “what are those?” MAY imply that he has two (or more?) EMS devices but in the later scene where he has both sleeves rolled up we only see one. 

a quick search of EMS therapy brings up this page which lists the following uses: you suffer from muscle spasms, have suffered from muscle atrophy due to disuse, your muscles need to be stimulated and re-educated, your muscles are weak and lack tone, you've lost range of motion due to an injury or illness. (it’s also used for circulation reasons, but since he mentions keeping muscles loose we can assume it’s related to one of these.) searching “degenerative muscle disease” brings up MD (general) as the first result, followed by other neuromuscular disorders; the symptoms listed that EMS is used to treat check out as the various muscular dystrophies all feature one or more of those symptoms. given that, this analysis will proceed as if this is the factual diagnosis (not ONLY because as far as i recall it was, though that is also the case). 

[there are numerous types of MD, and we’ve done a fair amount of research to determine which one is the most likely given the symptoms presented (myotonic, probably DM2), but that’s less significant other than its CURRENT mortality rate.]

that said: the scene itself. 

“Everything okay?” The only thing to analyze in the first line is the genuine concern in it, but that does contextualize the scene; i AM coming into this conversation from a place of being worried about someone i love. 

“Iverson thinks I shouldn’t be part of the mission. Called in the big guns; Admiral Sanda showed up to try and convince Sam to remove me from the crew.” (there are interesting and significant implications with regards to how the Garrison’s chain of command works here, but that’s not the point of this character analysis.)

“Well, maybe he’s right. Maybe you shouldn’t go on the mission. You’ll only be putting yourself at risk.” the absolute lack of hesitation in agreeing with iverson is i think the bigger clue at the greater context of this argument. this isn’t news. this is something i’ve been thinking about, and have clearly already come to a conclusion how i feel about it. “maybe” is a hedge word here. i DO in this moment think iverson is right, and this is just an excuse to say so. additionally, risk is an important word here, which i’ll circle back to several times. 

[additional note on animation: i show almost no expression during these lines, except to frown and look stern at the end.]

“You know how important this is to me. It’s worth the risk!” Aside from tone and expression (he’s clearly upset and desperate here, and even looks away at the end as if he can’t face me), note risk again. 

“Takashi, how important am I to you?” I know this line is everyone’s favorite. I understand why, even, especially given the dubious nature of “canon” on our actual relationship. The line itself establishes a lot; the first name usage (canon isn’t super clear on why he goes by Shiro, even with the other people he’s closest with (Keith, Sam, Matt), or its relationship to his Japanese heritage (which is significant here whether or not producer LM would agree), but to this point I’m the ONLY person in canon who ever addresses him by first name) as well as the general phrasing makes this the most obvious statement that we’re in a relationship. That’s arguably good, considering canon does little else to show it. 

The significance in the CONVERSATION, however, is to position this as a choice - your dreams, or your partner. It’s actually the biggest reason I hate people siding with me in this argument! That’s not a good thing to ask someone you love to choose. More on support in a second, though, as well as more about what I’m asking for here. 

[animation note: let’s talk about my coffee here. the hand shake and slamming down my cup is definitively the most show of emotion I have here, which IS significant. that line + the choice presented AREN’T coming from a place of deliberate manipulation, it’s emotionally charged despite me trying my best not to show it.]

“Every mission, every drill, I’ve been right there with you. But this is more than a mission. This is your life at stake.” here’s the support bit, obviously, since that’s what I’m evidencing here - reminding him that I’ve always been by his side and supported his dreams. that’s not actually the important thing going on here, though, because it’s the end where he cuts in: 

“Don’t start that again, Adam! You don’t need to protect me. This is something I need to do for myself.” First: again - we’ve had this discussion before. Second, the timing: it’s not until I bring up the risk again that he gets upset. 

A relevant concept here that I think most people in the fandom genuinely will not have heard about but is TREMENDOUSLY important to this conversation and to understanding what’s happening in this argument is dignity of risk. The article linked is a good overview, but in short: many things can only be gained or achieved by taking chances of getting hurt, and disabled individuals (originally those with cognitive and intellectual disabilities, but certainly applicable to physical disabilities as well) are disproportionately PREVENTED by overly-cautious caretakers from taking those chances. 

Shiro’s objection that I don’t need to protect him, I think, points really strongly to THIS being the actual issue. I’m trying to look out for his safety because I don’t believe he can or will do it himself (which I DID think, at the time); he feels smothered by this because he’s an adult who has the ability to assess risks for himself and decide which ones are worth it to him to take. 

“There’s nothing left for you to prove. You’ve broken every record there is to break.” This is significant in that it shows I think how highly I regard him, but I also think it’s the strongest textual evidence in the scene that we’re talking about COMPLETELY different things - that I fundamentally don’t understand what’s important to him about this mission OR why he’s upset that I’m trying to stop him. 

[animation note: he’s stopped arguing, gesturing, or looking at me here, and doesn’t look up again until I reinforce the ultimatum in the next line.]

“I know I can’t stop you, but I won’t go through this again. So if you decide to go, don’t expect me to be here when you get back.” I feel like “I won’t go through this again” is another line that people sympathize with, which makes sense; I’m afraid and wounded, and people sympathize with fear and hurt. It reiterates the cyclical nature of this argument, too. It’s also still bringing back the choice: stop taking chances on things that matter to you, unless I’m not one of them. 

[animation note: shiro looks both hurt and angry and doesn’t take his eyes off me the whole time i’m saying this, but doesn’t say anything. I also only look at him once during it, at the very end.]

“I’ve got a class to teach.” probably obvious without additional analysis, but in addition to an emotional reaction, this puts an absolute hard stop to anything else he might say in response.

having gone over the scene, some additional considerations: 

I think a lot of people latch on REALLY hard to “this is your life” and shiro’s later “it’s getting worse” line and somehow conflate the two into an implication that this is about a lack of TIME. It is, I think - but NOT the way people assume. 

Prognosis now, in the 21st century, is for a good percentage people with even severe forms of MD to live high quality, enjoyable lives into their 30s and 40s or later; even without a curative treatment, it’s reasonable to assume that in the 24th century this has improved. Given Shiro’s current overall health still being good, with the primary effects we see being localized to just the one side, it seems a little odd to assume that 30s-40s is still his life expectancy. 

My lines about the risk to his life also don’t actually discuss an imminency of death in GENERAL - it’s SPECIFICALLY risky to go on the mission. why? well, most likely, because a minimum of 10 months is an AWFULLY long time for someone with a serious progressive condition to go without medical care or a checkup. which is a reasonable thing to be concerned about! 

but we also have textual evidence that shiro’s GOOD at being responsible and taking care of himself, even if he sometimes sacrifices his needs for others’. he wears his assistive/medical devices. he keeps a workout routine. he can push himself hard, but we also see places where he knows his limits. and the majority of interventions for MD are about upkeep - building stamina, range of motion exercises, monitoring condition - and having the right tools on hand for an emergency. so, at what point does the concern become about not trusting him to take care of himself well, especially when the kerberos mission was in regular contact with the garrison?

and the flip side of the coin about time: with a progressive disease, there IS always a looming time limit, on everything. that included his dreams. our time together wasn’t limited the way people seem to assume - but his time as a pilot was. so having more perspective now, I can see his side better, and find myself frustrated both with myself from before, and with the people who agree with me. it feels dismissive to his wants and needs, as WELL as his right to self-determination. 

i don’t think takashi abandoned me when he went to kerberos. i think i abandoned him, when he badly needed my support, by forcing him to choose between someone he loved waiting for him, and a dream which was running out of time. i know it’s popular to joke about what happened and that i’d say “i told you so,” but he was right, and I should have listened better. 

[incomefender9]

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[eddieeatsass]

7 and 21 for reddie😎 only if you want to❤️

Sex Magic/Sex Pollen + Blind Date from this prompt list

This combo was so interesting, it really made me wrack my brain to figure out how to meld these two concepts together. My friend Jack actually helped me come up with this idea, so thank you for making us both push the limits of our imagination!

Read On AO3

The System had been in place for nearly a decade; the population’s first ever completely computerized dating process. A computer took in all of your data, scanning your life history, your future goals, your medical status, as well as having each client fill out a ten page questionnaire. All of that information was then used to narrow down everyone in their database, giving you your most compatible mate.

There were two experiences you could choose from; The Classic, which involved a regular blind date, and The Neo, which ended with the release of their patented pheromone gas. Clients who chose the later would get to experience the sensuality and intimacy that usually resulted at the end of a successful date. Clients were able to opt out at any time during the date, if they decide they do not want to go through with the final step. Despite that, however, the public still argued about the morality of the consent issues that could arise from this practice.

Because of this outrage over the program, The Neo got used less and less over time. What was once new and exciting had now taken a back seat to The Classic.

Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak were two of The Neo’s first clients in months. Of course, the company couldn’t tell them that they’d only been paired together because they were the only two participants available, so instead, Richie and Eddie went into a blind date expecting to find their computer generated soul-mate.

It was a bright, sunny Friday afternoon when Eddie approached the dating center. He was welcomed warmly, and after reading through and signing all of the consent forms and legal documents, he was lead to a room. The building he’d arrived at was nice, the lobby had been decorated in a way that reminded its clients of why they were there; to find love. However, the room Eddie found himself in was starkly opposite.

It felt like he’d walked into a hospital. Everything was white, and the air smelt of disinfectant poorly concealed with the artificial smell of roses. In the middle of the room was a small square table, already set up with a table cloth, a candle, and two plates of pasta that couldn’t possibly be fresh. To the side there was a bed, barely big enough to fit two people but obvious in its purpose. Eddie was just considering bailing on this whole thing when he heard the door open behind him.

He turned to see a tall man stumbling in, eyes darting around the room before settling on Eddie. He was accompanied by the same worker who had brought Eddie in moments ago, but she quickly left with a curt nod, shutting the door behind them.

The two men stared at each other for one very long, very awkward moment, before the taller man took the lead.

“Hi, I’m Richie, you’re soul-mate, apparently.” Richie stuck his hand out towards Eddie, a charming but shy smile revealing a set of slightly buck teeth.

Eddie grasped his hand, shaking it timidly before deciding Richie was decently attractive. Definitely the type of guy Eddie would try and pick up at a bar. He was pleased with the introduction so far.

“I’m Eddie-” His voice was abruptly cut off by the crackle of a speaker.

“You’ve got thirty minutes before the gas will be emitted. If at any point before that you wish to end the date, you may discreetly press the button beneath the table, at which point one of our staff will be in to get you. Thank you for choosing The System as your dating course of choice. Good luck at your happily ever after.”

The voice was monotone, the disclaimer obviously rehearsed and recycled for every new date they supervised.

Eddie was quick to stifle his giggle, finding the contrast between the person’s lack of enthusiasm and the idea of finding your one true soul-mate hilarious, but unsure of how Richie would take it.

Surprisingly, Richie laughed unabashedly.

“Wow, with an introduction like that, how could we not be excited.”

Eddie let his giggle bubble up, soothed by the knowledge that Richie thought this experiment was turning out just as ridiculous as he did.

“Do you wanna see how terrible the food tastes?” Eddie asked.

“Eddie, my dear, nothing would make me happier.”

The food was awful, but that much shouldn’t be a surprise. This was a dating service, after-all, not a restaurant. The meals were probably made in giant batches, left to sit out all day and only being stirred or re-heated when necessary.

They poked at their pasta more than ate it, focusing instead on the conversation that seemed to flow freely between them. So far, Eddie had found out that Richie had recently moved to the city, was an only child but had a friend named Stan who he considered a brother, was trying to become an actor, and had a pet turtle.

“So, Eddie spaghetti,” Richie said, pointing towards the neglected spaghetti with his fork and a self-satisfied smile. “What led you to sign up for this romantic excursion?”

There it was, the question Eddie had been dreading. He knew it was going to come up, but hadn’t quite figured out a way to explain without coming across as lonely and desperate.

The truth was Eddie had gotten to a turning-point in his life very recently, where he’d had to choose between his own happiness and the happiness of others. After years of letting his mother dictate his life, choosing his school, his career, his partner, his sexuality, he’d had enough. But how could he sum that all up without Richie thinking he was a loser?

“Uhm, I came out recently…” Eddie chose that route; not quite a lie, but not the whole truth.

“Hey, congratulations!” Richie cheered, clinking his glass of water with Eddie’s before taking a sip. The action caused Eddie to startle, unfamiliar with someone congratulating him on, well, anything.

“So, you thought this might be the best way to find that special man?” Richie winked, gesturing at himself comically.

Eddie nodded, a small smile secured across his features.

“What about you?” He asked, eager to turn the attention away from himself.

Richie raised his eyebrows, as if he hadn’t been expecting the question to be turned around on him.

“Oh, uh, well my friends signed me up for this actually.” Richie rubbed the back of his neck. “But, well I guess it’s because I’ve been moping around for the past few months. Bad breakup and all that, you know. They must have decided it was time to get me back out there, and thus, here I am.” Richie gestured to the room around them, bringing their attention back to the bed that sat tauntingly in the corner.

“Apparently sex is part of getting me back out there.” Richie added, trying to make a joke out of an awkward moment.

Eddie smiled a little sadly.

“Well, if this was your friends’ idea, you certainly don’t have to, you know, act on anything. There’s no pressure.”

Richie’s featured contorted, almost as if he was offended Eddie would even suggest Richie might not want to see this through with him.

“Thanks for the out, but I hope you don’t mind if I don’t take it.”

Eddie’s cheeks tinted pink, a bashful smile causing him to tilt his head down.

“You’ve got a cute smile.” Richie murmured, almost too quiet for Eddie to pick up, before he was suddenly changing the subject.

The half hour they had to talk went by quickly, but they still found the time to discuss their entry questions for the program. They found out that they’d answered almost everything entirely the opposite from one another, leading them to question just how the algorithm worked.

“I still can’t believe you’d prefer a night at an arcade over a horse-back riding lesson for a first date.” Eddie teased, rounding back to the first question they’d been asked on their entry questionnaire.

“Hey, I stick by my guns; horses are terrifying creatures and I wish never to meet one.” Richie joked.

“I’ll have to introduce you to my friend Mike. He owns a farm and they’ve got the most gentle horses you’ve ever met. They wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

The insinuation of meeting up again after this program didn’t go unnoticed. Richie’s grin widened before Eddie realized what he’d said, slumping a bit lower in his chair and bringing the water glass to his lips.

“You know, if you want.” Eddie added, hiding his own smile behind a gulp of water.

“Already introducing each other to the friends, huh? Why Eddie, I didn’t know we were that serious.” Richie drawled in a dreadful impression of a southern belle.

Eddie’s face was flushed, his heartbeat preparing to send him to the hospital, when the overhead speakers came to life once more.

“We are now commencing part two. Please get comfortable as the gas begins to take its effects. Under the bed you will find anything you might need to make this experience more enjoyable.”

The two looked at each other with mixed expressions, the tone in the room suddenly thick with anticipation. The faint hissing of gas filtering in could be heard, but after looking around they couldn’t find its source.

Richie was the first one to move, pushing himself away from the table and heading towards the bed. He crouched down, reaching under the low bed frame and blindly feeling around until his hand met a box.

Once it was pulled out in full view, Richie and Eddie’s eyes both widened. The box was filled with an assortment of condoms, different types of lube, and even a few sex toys that were still in the package, marked with bright price stickers that implied if they used them, they were purchasing them to be taken home after.

“Wow, this is really happening.” Eddie said from where he still sat stock-still in his chair.

“Only if you want it to.” Richie said firmly, turning to give Eddie a genuine look.

“I don’t think that’s quite how it works. Soon our hormones are gonna take control and we won’t be able to help ourselves.”

“Hey,” Richie got up from his perch and walked over to Eddie, kneeling down in front of him and locking on to his gaze. “I will not do anything you don’t want me to. I don’t care what kind of crazy sex magic this is, I can and will hold myself back, if you tell me to.”

The tightness in Eddie’s chest began to loosen at Richie’s assurance, or maybe it was loosening because of the gas. Either way, Eddie found himself feeling more at ease, more confident, brazen.

He rose from his seat and passed by Richie, beginning to strip his shirt off as he walked towards the bed.

Richie was frozen in place, heart beating quickly at the mere sight of Eddie’s back. He was all tan skin and freckles and toned muscles; Richie found himself wanting to trace every curve with his tongue.

When Eddie’s hands began undoing his pants, Richie shot up and strode over within seconds, stilling Eddie’s hands with his own.

“Leave some for me, w-will ya?” He tried to joke, dry throat causing him to stumble over his words.

They couldn’t tell if the heat in the room was rising, or if it was the heat in their bodies. What had felt comfortable moments ago suddenly felt stifling. Getting rid of each other’s clothes became both lust-fueled and an attempt at regulating their temperatures.

Eddie began finding himself noticing things about Richie he hadn’t before. His hair was not an even shade of black, but rather a meld of dark browns and raven tones. It curled up in ways that made you want to run your fingers through it, and it looked so soft it was tantalizing.

Richie was noticing similar details about Eddie, like the swoop of his tiny nose and the smattering of freckles that didn’t just dust his cheeks, but scattered across his forehead and down his jaw. Richie followed the freckles down Eddie’s body, eyes glazing over as he took in the delicious planes of bare skin. When his gaze finally settled on Eddie’s cock, pink and perky, he dropped to his knees automatically.

Clients had to be free of STIs to pass through, so Richie didn’t think twice before taking Eddie into his mouth. The warmth of him on his tongue matched the warmth Richie felt all over, and the weight of the cock grounded him. He found it easy to focus on that and nothing else.

Eddie let out an unrestrained moan, letting his head tilt back as his fingers wound into that tempting hair. It was just as soft as he’d imagined, and he found himself gathering as much of it as he could in his fists.

As wonderful as it was to look down and see Richie’s mouth formed around his cock, eyes shut as he sucked with fervor unlike any Eddie had ever seen (or felt), Eddie needed more. His body tingled all over, his hole throbbed for attention, and all he wanted was for Richie to stuff him so full he wouldn’t be able to walk out of this place without assistance.

“Are you okay with topping?” Eddie struggled through his syrupy thoughts, trying to form a coherent sentence.

Richie hummed questioningly around Eddie’s cock, sending a shock of vibration up his shaft that had him cursing silently.

“Richie, are you okay with topping?” Eddie tried again, this time gritting the question through his teeth as his fingers tightened in Richie’s hair.

He got the same response, and irritation mixing with arousal caused Eddie to yank on Richie’s hair, pulling his head back and leaving him slack jawed and staring up at Eddie.

“Are you going to fuck me?” Eddie asked, all composure gone from his tone, replaced instead with desperation.

Richie smirked, raising on shaky legs and pulling Eddie close. Eddie’s hands were still tangled in his locks, causing his arms to rest on Richie’s shoulders.

“Oh Eds… I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll be wrecked for anyone else.”

Richie leaned in, capturing Eddie’s lips in the first of their kisses. It was messy, driven by passion and an intensity that nearly knocked them off their feet.

Richie began steering Eddie backwards towards the bed, keeping their mouths connected with melding tongues and swallowed moans.

When Eddie felt the mattress hit the back of his legs, he turned around and crawled across the bed on all fours, lowering his chest until it touched the bed so his ass was in the air. He reached back with both hands, spreading his cheeks and presenting his hole to Richie. It was such an unexpected lewd pose that it nearly had Richie choking on air. Eddie looked like a cat in heat, bearing himself completely to be at the mercy of Richie.

“You better make good on your promise.” Eddie challenged, his voice a bit breathless.

Richie grabbed a bottle of lube from the box provided and hastily joined Eddie on the bed, his excitement causing him to stumble momentarily.

Richie’s chest was tightening, a slow spring getting ready to launch him into the abyss of infatuation. He was already completely taken with Eddie, but now, with the addition of the pheromones, he felt completely consumed by his obsession over this boy.

Richie was quick to squeeze some lube out onto his fingers, surprised when the smell of cherries drifted up to his nose. He looked at the label on the bottle, seeing it was indeed marketed as cherry flavored, and made a mental note to test it later when he wasn’t so hyper-focused on getting as deep inside Eddie’s guts as possible.

Richie brought a single digit to Eddie’s hole, admiring for a moment how pink and pretty it was; like a small flower waiting to bloom. He teased around the ring of muscle, enjoying the way the skin twitched in response, before he experimentally began pushing in.

Richie was surprised as Eddie’s hole essentially sucked him in, pulling him through the warm channel until he was up to his knuckle.

“I… may have stretched before coming here…” Eddie admitted, wiggling back into Richie shamelessly.

Richie’s brain was spinning, partially from the gas but mostly from the sight in front of him. Eddie was taking him so well, so eager to be stretched open and fucked good, and boy would Richie deliver.

After a few pumps and twists of his finger, Richie was already able to add another. In addition to Eddie having already stretched himself, a side effect of the gas was that it relaxed you, loosening your muscles and making your body more pliant. So Richie was able to get three fingers deep in record time, having received not a single complaint from Eddie, but instead continuous encouragement and hip swivels.

At this point, Eddie was basically fucking himself back on Richie’s fingers, and Richie legitimately considered letting him get off just like that. However, Richie’s own length was feeling ignored, so he shelved that idea for another day.

Richie removed his fingers, soothing Eddie’s whine with kisses along his back as Richie reached towards the box for a condom.

“No, n-no condom.” Eddie panted, trying to pull Richie’s hand back towards himself.

“Wha- are you sure?” Richie asked, despite his heart rate skyrocketing at the idea of being inside Eddie completely bare.

Eddie nodded, accompanied with a little moan.

“I want to carry your load inside me for the rest of the day.”

That’s all the encouragement Richie needed to convince him. He let his forehead rest between Eddie’s shoulder blades for a moment, letting out a shaky breath as he tried to compose himself so he didn’t cum then and there.

“You are going to kill me if you keep saying things like that.” Richie huffed out.

Eddie wiggled his ass back against Richie once again, only now that Richie was hunched over him, Eddie was grinding right back into his lap, the thick head of Richie’s cock catching on Eddie’s rim every few seconds.

“Then shut me up.” Eddie challenged coyly.

Well, Richie might only last a few seconds, but at least they’ll be a blissful few.

Richie drew back his pelvis, lining himself up with Eddie and pushing in without hesitation. The resulting moan was wanton, filling the room with a small echo that bounced off the walls. Richie momentarily wondered if these rooms were soundproof, and tried to think back to when he’d been walking through the halls. Had he heard anyone? Were there people listening to his most intimate moments right this second?

Eddie’s tight heat clenching around him was enough to shake those thoughts from his head. If they wanted to listen, then god bless them, because Richie would put on a show.

He pulled his hips back before pistoning forward with a vigor that knocked a choked moan out of Eddie. Richie quickly set a tempo that had Eddie unable to keep quiet, making sure to angle himself in a way that he found Eddie’s prostate, and keeping himself aimed towards it with every thrust.

“Fuck fuck hhhhhnnnnnngggg- so full.” Eddie groaned, reaching one of his hands down to his abdomen and pressing in, as if he might be able to feel Richie within him.

“So tight.” Richie responded, petting down Eddie’s back.

“I don’t know if it’s the g-gas but I don’t think I’ve ever been fucked this g-good- oh my god yesssss right there.”

Eddie was meeting Richie thrust for thrust, the sound of skin slapping together the only thing that could be heard apart from their moans.

“That’s not the gas- fuck- it’s all m- mmmmmm- all me, baby.”

Normally Eddie would hate a cocky response like that, but right then it went straight to his cock, causing it to twitch and release a heady string of pre-cum. He could tell he was going to cum soon, could feel the tightening in his balls and the constricting of his abdomen.

“I’m gonna cum, Richie- ‘m gonna- ahhhhh-”

Richie reached a hand around to Eddie’s front, grasping his cock in a gentle hold and giving it the attention it craved. Within seconds Eddie was spilling over Richie’s deft fingers, soiling the bed beneath them with waves of his release.

It took Richie another few minutes to cum, fucking into Eddie’s overstimulated hole to chase his own high. Eddie didn’t complain, didn’t wince away or whine, he just stayed open and willing, a vessel for Richie to get off.

When Richie finally finished and pulled out, Eddie collapsed on the bed, too far out of his mind to care that he was laying in his own cum, or that Richie’s was dripping out of him.

Richie lowered himself down beside Eddie, catching his breath as he let his eyes wander over the man’s lithe form. He wasn’t sure what the protocol was after having sex-gas initiated intercourse with a stranger. Did you cuddle? Kiss? Was he allowed to ask him on another date?

As the gas induced haze started to leave their minds, they became more and more aware of the state of them.

“Do you think they have showers here?” Eddie’s voice chirped up after a long silence. It was smaller than before, shy, maybe, which Richie thought to be endearing after he’d been begging for Richie to destroy him mere minutes ago.

“I hope so. I’m not too keen on the idea of walking home covered in my own spunk.”

Richie heard a small giggle, and when Eddie turned to face him he just about stopped Richie’s heart.

The smile on his face was radiant, shining up into his eyes and directly into Richie’s soul. Richie nearly missed his next few words, too busy falling so hard he thought he may get a concussion.

“I’ve always hated that word. Spunk.” Eddie repeated it, scrunching his nose up in disgust.

Richie wasn’t aware of his hand moving until it was curling a lock of Eddie’s hair around his ear, fingers drifting down to his cheek bone and along his jaw. Eddie’s face fell into a new expression, surprised, but also inquisitive and searching.

Richie let his hand settle on to Eddie’s neck, thumb grazing back and forth over his jaw. He locked in to those hazel eyes before slowly, carefully, leaning into Eddie’s space and placing a gentle peck on his lips.

Eddie responded with a light press of his own lips, eyelids fluttering shut only for them to pop back open when the kiss ended before he was ready.

“Eddie…” Richie took a breath, stilling himself before continuing. “Will you go on a date with me? A real date?”

Eddie bit the inside of his cheek, trying to keep his grin from showing through. He tried to calm his heart down before responding.

“On one condition.”

Richie raised an eyebrow.

“The food has to be better than that slop.” Eddie nodded towards the table where their forgotten dinner laid.

“Of course, Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie smiled before recapturing Eddie’s lips.

[ritterkaitlyn1991]

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[aelaer]

Whumptober Day 9: Shackled

Don't ask me about canon timing because I think this is one of those "canon shmanon" type of timelines in this story. Thanos and five years just screws up everything, man.

This also got a bit longer, soooo cut! (assuming tumblr doesn’t mess it up). I don’t think any warnings particularly apply here, beyond your usual bad guy shenanigans.

Fandom: Still Doctor Strange / MCU

9. Shackled

For reasons unknown to Stephen, the group of dark occultists from another dimension were specifically looking for him and him alone. They said as much when they came to the New York Sanctum to try and overwhelm him the first time.

(For some reason they were surprised by the fact that Stephen was all but immediately joined by half a dozen other Masters and quickly retreated. Did they really think he wouldn't have any backup? That Kamar-Taj would just leave him to it?)

Several acolytes and more adept apprentices were looking for information on how they came to their dimension in the first place and trying to locate their point of origin. Many masters, in the meantime, were looking for where this group was hiding, but they managed to mask their presence well. When a week passed with no sightings, they reluctantly agreed to alert the Avengers of the group's existence, loath as all the masters were in admitting their failure in finding them quickly. But they were too great a potential threat to keep a secret for any longer.

Another week passed with no ground gained on finding them. They were able to pinpoint their entry point on their dimension's earth, which meant they had more resources as to how they got there in the first place. At least it was something.

Then everything changed with a knock at the New York Sanctum's door. Stephen opened it and found a woman in scrubs on his doorstep.

She seemed familiar. He looked at her name tag and old memories from years ago flew into his mind.

"Laura?" Laura was a pediatric doctor at Metro-General; she often worked with their long-term patients, and there were a handful of occasions that he had done surgery on one of "her darling brood of children", as she'd say with a grin as he'd scoff.

But Laura's usually cheerful face was absent, and her dark skin unusually pale and tight about her eyes as she answered, "I need you to come with me."

He may have not seen her in years, but it didn't take a genius to see that she was distressed. "Laura, what's wrong?"

"Please," she answered, then pressed her lips into a tight line.

Stephen felt the cloak tighten about his shoulders, obviously sensing his own dread. "Alright," he murmured, and stepped out of the Sanctum, not bothering with a glamour spell for his clothes. She immediately descended the two steps and began her way east down Bleecker Street. He ignored the stares from those they passed and kept one eye on Laura's tense frame as the other kept a lookout for threats.

They came to a small side alley with a dumpster blocking half of its width. She turned there and he followed, readying himself for an ambush.

But there was no one there. Rather Laura pulled out what looked like some sort of burner phone— her hand was shaking— and she flipped it open and pressed a couple buttons until she pulled up a picture of what appeared to be some warehouse interior.

"They said you can get there with a picture. We need to go there."

He frowned at her words and studied the picture, then looked back at her. "Who do they have as leverage?" he asked softly.

She took in a shaky breath. "Four children. Patients."

Stephen balked; these assholes had kidnapped kids with cancer? "How long ago?" These kids were on strict dietary and medication schedules due to the diseases they were fighting, and deviation from those could lead to unpleasant side effects that made it difficult for adults, never mind children.

"About an hour," Laura answered, assuaging his fears of immediate detrimental effects. She continued quickly, lowly, "I heard you had become a superhero of some sort, Stephen, but these guys have abilities I've never seen from any of the Avengers. There's a lot of them, and for some reason they want you."

At her words, he closed his eyes briefly. He really should have suspected it earlier; he just never thought any enemy in his new world would think to target people from his old one. "I believe I know who they are. I am so sorry you were dragged into this, Laura."

"I wish it was just me and not the kids," she replied, and he couldn't argue there. "I could've told them where to stick it if that were the case. But they have my patients, and they said if you tried to call for help or bring anyone, they'll kill them." She looked down at the phone. "And if we don't go soon, I'm afraid they'll start to get suspicious."

Stephen pressed his lips together and nodded. "I would tell you to stay behind, but I know you won't listen."

She frowned at him. "I'm not leaving the children alone." 

"I know." Without further ado, he placed his sling ring upon his shaking hand and drew a portal against the wall to open into the pictured warehouse. Laura hardly hesitated at its sight before following him towards it, and they stepped into the room. He let the gateway fizzle closed behind them.

As expected, he was surrounded by the same nine occultists that they had been searching for for two weeks. To the side were four children, probably ranging from seven to thirteen, sitting huddled together on the ground. Laura gave him one last apologetic look before walking slowly towards them, so as to not alarm her captors with sudden movement. She hardly needed to worry, as all of them were more or less solely focused on Stephen.

He did his best to keep his tone even. "Well, you wanted me. Here I am."

One of them stepped forward. "You are to come with us, Doctor Strange."

Stephen answered calmly, "Without a fight, I presume."

"If you wish not to face the consequences of such actions, then yes. You will surrender now."

He kept his eyes upon the spokesman rather than looking towards Laura and the kids. "And I am also to presume that if I follow these actions, you will let them go unharmed."

"Yes. They have served their purpose."

"I need more than that," Stephen replied, voice even and unmoving. "I need your word on behalf of all in your company that all five of them will remain unharmed and left in an environment non-detrimental to their survival." A sudden thought came to mind, and he added, "And my Cloak remains behind with them to serve as some form of protection." Behind him, he felt the Cloak stiffen.

The head occultist seemed somewhere between bemused and irritated by his demands; to give one's word as a sorcerer had a good deal more permanent effect than other beings. Spoken oaths had some sort of seal to make them stick amongst magic users with rather nasty consequences if broken. Eventually, he replied, "I give you my word on behalf of myself and my company that we will meet your demands in exchange for your complete and utter surrender."

Complete and utter surrender. To demand that of him meant he could not fight directly against them without consequence to his person. Stephen briefly closed his eyes and exhaled in quiet resignation. "I accept your terms."

He felt a shift in the atmosphere as the powers that wove reality together sealed their agreement. Three of them immediately moved towards him.

Still the Cloak clung onto him, reluctant to do as bid. There was no time for argument. Go, he ordered silently, offering no room for protest, and the garment detached itself from his shoulders and darted around the approaching occultists to Laura and her patients. From the corner of his eye he saw their terror turn briefly into wonder at its approach. A better memory for the children, at least.

Stephen was brought back to his own predicament as his arms were wrenched behind his back. They took his sling ring and then his wrists were secured with thick manacles that extended down to his hands and fingers, forcing them to curl inward in a manner that already hurt them. He forced himself to remain silent.

He could not, however, quite hold his tongue at the sight of what appeared to be some sort of gag that resembled a horse's bit. "You can't be serious," he said, instinctively pulling his head back.

"And have you utter any sort of spells?" asked their spokesman. "I think not."

Utter spells? Were they for real? Apparently they were, because they were coming in with the damn gag and he had little choice but to submit to it, irksome as it was.

The two holding onto his arms remained there even as another three of them started drawing sigils he did not recognize into the air. He quickly took them in, memorizing their formation and the order they appeared as best as he was able to. Then suddenly, the warehouse surrounding them began to appear fuzzy on the edges, then blur, and then there was nothing but darkness.

((There might be a sequel in another prompt. Not sure yet.))

[lloydqstreet-blog]

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[ariannjs]

KARIN | A SasuSaku FanFic (8/10)

(Karin - Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7)

-------- 

“Guess what? We’re getting much progress with the effectivity rate of the new samples!”

The apparent glee on Shizune’s expression as she made her way inside the head medic’s office made Sakura sigh in relief. That kind of exhale which encompasses the realization that none of your labor was in vain.

A clipboard was handed to her while Shizune sat in front of her desk. “I wouldn’t be surprised if this is already available for delivery to Suna tomorrow after the final lab test. As always, great job, Sakura!”

To say that she was grateful for the impending finale of their painstaking weeks of research and development was an understatement. If she wasn’t too tired due to her lack of sleep recently, Sakura would’ve jumped or run around the hospital, but she could only smile at her colleague with a small blush adorning her cheeks for now.

She studied the charts given to her as she leaned back on her office chair. “That’s...wow, that’s amazing. Thanks. I couldn’t have done it without you, though. Just thinking about it, this was the most complicated concoction that we’ve put together so far, huh?”

“Well, it’s for the most difficult case ever since the war. I’m actually surprised you’re still able to manage your time without becoming all over the place.”

“I’m surprised too!” She chuckled. “But really, it’s a great help that Karin’s here. Makes the load a lot easier. I couldn’t focus on doing the daily rounds anymore so that’s where she takes over.”

Shizune nodded in agreement. “I can see how she seems to be enjoying the job. Did you know that her patients are asking for her sometimes even after her rounds? To think that she started with lots of complaints around here, you’ve assisted her well in unleashing her potential.”

Her lips twisted to a smile. Ever since she asked Karin to help out in the hospital, she didn’t have any doubts about her skill, albeit having a difficulty in interacting well (and nicely) with people. “I didn’t expect to have that much of an impact to her, really. I guess it just gives me joy being able to do anything to help her and her family, you know?” Her voice softened as she continued, “Especially because...she was there for Sasuke-kun when I couldn’t be there for him.”

She sank further on her seat, the charts now forgotten as she recalled those years ago wherein Sasuke had decided to sever bonds with them. There was still a tinge of pang in her chest just remembering how she couldn’t do anything for him back then, no matter how much she was willing to throw everything away to be with the man she loved.

Thinking about it now, she was grateful that Sasuke didn’t bring her with him when she tearfully pleaded for him to do so. It was a stupid idea, to begin with. For if he allowed her to join him on his defection, she wouldn’t be the woman that she is now – stronger, wiser, more loving, and more forgiving – because and for Sasuke.

All the while, however, she had always hoped that there were others who were looking after him – others who could still build some sort of a bond with him despite his reticence to it; others who could show him love in their own ways. Despite being wary at first, she was glad when she learned that those others were Suigetsu, Karin, and Jugo.

And even though she almost had a heart failure figuratively when a very pregnant Karin came back to Konoha with Sasuke, Sakura was extremely relieved to know that Sasuke found a reliable comrade in her and the rest of Taka.

Because of this, she became very fond of Karin and Suigetsu (after confirming that there was nothing going on between Sasuke and Karin, of course). So fond to the point that she would do anything that she could for their little family.

She smiled to herself, feeling a sense of accomplishment as she realized the progress in Suika’s health in the past three months.

“So, it’s still Sasuke, huh?” There was a smirk in Shizune’s face the whole time Sakura was lost in her thoughts while gazing at the ceiling. “How’s everything about you and your boyfriend anyway?”

The Head Medic almost fell from her swivel chair as a blush profusely made its way on her cheeks. “Wha—? B-boyfriend? It’s not—we’re not—no! He’s not my boyfriend, Shizune!”

A loud cackle escaped from the other woman’s lips. The sight reminded her of the younger Sakura that she first met and she couldn’t help but shake her head in amusement. “Sure. But he’s acting like one, don’t you think?”

“I…”

“You two are always together recently, you can’t deny that.” The smirk was back on Shizune’s face as she crossed her arms. “Also, these past few weeks, whenever you took longer shifts for our project, I constantly see him at the hospital lobby waiting for you that I had to inform him you’re not going out yet.”

Sakura could only stare at her colleague as she relaxed on the chair again. Of course she wouldn’t deny that she was flattered with all the actions of Sasuke with and for her lately, but she wasn’t the 12-year-old Sakura anymore who would either squeal or faint once Sasuke shows any minuscule affection to her.

As a mature woman, no matter how much she loved the man, she wanted to stick to her convictions. “I could tell that he’s doing his best to restore his bond with me, probably with Naruto and Kakashi-sensei too. I shouldn’t assume anything beyond that without him telling me his intentions, right?”

“Are you sure he’s only there to restore his bond with you or to restore the Uchiha clan with you?”

“S-shizune!” Sakura became much redder at the sound of her co-medic’s laughter.

Not wanting to see any crack in the head medic’s office or worse, on her face, Shizune stood up from her seat and turned to the door. “Alright, alright! I think I’m hearing Suika’s babblings right outside. I’ll head off now. Don’t forget to check the test results at the lab tomorrow, ‘kay?” And then she was out the door.

Sakura heaved a sigh as she turned her attention to the papers on her desk. In the end though, she decided to leave everything and not bring any paperworks at home. After all, she already immersed herself so much into lab work today. And she had one more patient to check up on in a little while.

“Shizune seemed to be having a good laugh when I saw her in the hallway.”

She soon heard Karin, who didn’t even bother to greet as usual, by the door. She only rolled her eyes. “Oh, that woman. Let her be.” A glimmer then appeared in her eyes at the sight of her little patient who was gurgling incomprehensible syllables to her mom. “Hey there, little one!”

“Uhuh, yes, hun. Auntie Sakura will do your check up later,” the redhead cooed at the bundle she was holding before returning her gaze to her senpai. “Are you ready to go? I could already sense a brooding chakra nearby.”

A melodic laughter filled the small office. “I think I already know who that is.”

True enough, two figures were before them when they reached the hospital lobby – one was wearing a toothy grin, and the other was wearing a contemplative expression.

As Karin instantly left her side to reunite with Suigetsu, emerald eyes reunited with obsidian and amethyst.

The crease on Sasuke’s forehead only relaxed the moment their gazes met.

Sakura smiled softly. “Hey, Sasuke-kun.”

“Have you eaten dinner?”

Her smile widened. It might be subtle, but she could observe how Sasuke’s caring side has been manifesting recently. And whether it was intentional to him or not, she was glad that she has been the recipient of this.

“Actually, not yet,” she answered sheepishly, considering it was already half an hour past eight. “I’m still on my way to the Hozuki’s since I wasn’t able to conduct Suika’s weekly check up in the hospital today.”

Sasuke paused as if weighing the predicament, a look of what seemed like dismay painted on his features.

For a second, Sakura suspected that he was a bit disappointed that they couldn’t spend their dinner together just like the usual, but again, she didn’t want to assume anything.

“I’ll grab some takeout and bring it at their place then.”

“You’ll do that for all of us?” Sakura questioned, eyes soft and heart warm.

“Suigetsu and I haven’t eaten yet anyway.”

“Oh, right!” Suigetsu chuckled. “Speaking of, I’m actually starving now!”

“I see. Alright, then. Thank you, Sasuke-kun.” Sakura gave him a crinkly smile. “Also, you don’t have to worry about staying after dinner. I know you’re tired. I still have things to discuss with Suigetsu and Karin about Suika’s development anyway.”

To her puzzlement, Sasuke shook his head in response. “It’s not a problem. I’ll bring you home.”

“But Sasuke-kun—”

“I’ll bring you home, Sakura.”

Sakura just stared at him after that, studying him while his face was angled away from her with his eyes shut in annoyance.

A part of her wanted to confirm her first thought that Sasuke probably wanted some time for them to be alone. Her heart fluttered at the possibility.

She giggled afterwards. “Okay, dad.”

Suigetsu guffawed at her response, earning a glare from the Uchiha. But he tried his best to stop laughing so Sasuke would not set him on fire. Besides, he already had enough of him for the day.

“Tch. I’ll go now,” Sasuke announced.

Then for a split-second, Sakura caught a glimpse of him shaking his head sternly at Suigetsu, as if a form of instruction, which the other man returned with a nod of serious agreement.

Whatever that meant, she merely brushed it off.

Karin could only smirk as she watched Sasuke leave to buy their food. “You’re irritating Sasuke again.”

“Nah, he’s been irritated the whole day anyway.”

“Really, Suigetsu? How so?”

Scratching the side of his cheek, Suigetsu pondered if he should tell Sakura his new discovery about the changes in the behavior of his former leader. Albeit tempted to witness firsthand the reaction of Sasuke’s object of affection, he chose to leave it to the Uchiha instead. “Well, he was in such a hurry to go back home, only to be hindered by a bunch of bandits on the way.” After all, she only asked how, not why. He smirked to himself.

“Oh, well. That’s Sasuke for you.” Sakura chortled. “Thank Kami you’re both safe though. There are always unforeseen circumstances even during light missions.” She sighed, a little flashback of their very first mission resurfaced in her mind.

“Ah. That’s true. We’re taking care of ourselves, Sakura-san. You don’t have to worry about Sasuke.” He flashed a mischievous grin, which widened when he suddenly saw her blush at his last statement.

“Uhm...sure.” Sakura’s hands sank deeper in the pockets of her lab coat. Even she was surprised at the vivid implications of her concern for Sasuke. It wasn’t like she intended Suigetsu to have any clues about her feelings for his team captain.

“Ha. You better, Shark-face,” Karin intervened. “Suika’s just three months old. And we’ve been married for just a little over a year. If you become reckless and end up getting killed, I’ll kill you another time.”

Sakura then let out a chuckle while hearing Karin huff. There was that usual annoyed tone in her while she was talking to her husband but Sakura didn’t fail to notice the crystal clear worry and affection in the redhead’s words.

As the couple continued to share some banter with each other on their way to the Hozuki’s, she couldn’t help but wonder if there was hope such as theirs between her and Sasuke.

Sure, things were going well in their friendship right now. But she still couldn’t claim the certainty that they could be something more.

That Sasuke even wanted them to be something more.

Still, she clung to the tiniest spark of hope that she had come to slowly accumulate ever since they started going out, fervently praying that no one and nothing would crash that tinge of possibility in one way or another.

Dinner was quick for Sakura wanted to immediately get back to work with her favorite patient. Thanks to Sasuke, that Chinese food takeout rejuvenated her strength for the last part of her day.

While he was seated beside her, she could somehow sense a bit of tenseness in him, as if he was bothered about something that he was keeping only to himself.

On normal days, Sakura would've asked him what’s wrong, but she knew Sasuke wasn’t the kind to open up about his thoughts and feelings in the earshot of many. It even took him a while before he became open to her too.

So, she just gave him an encouraging smile instead, causing him to gaze at her with an unusual softness that led her to feel like a butterfly had made shadow clones inside her stomach. And then she excused herself to prepare her medical stuff.

The parents were closely observing her expert hands as she checked the vitals of Suika in the Hozuki’s small living room. Sasuke, on the other hand, was interestedly watching across the dining room, eyes tracking her every move even without the Sharingan.

It has always been that way, she realized. Sasuke didn’t have to be present during her check ups with the redhead kid, but he would always stick around as if something in the whole ordeal was too fascinating for him.

Was it the healing process? Was it Suika’s growth? Was it...her? She didn’t know, although if she would be honest, she wished it was the latter.

Besides, why in the world would he insist on always bringing her home after Suika’s check up, right?

He didn’t even have to.

But he obviously wanted to.

Even just for a moment, she allowed herself to think that Shizune was right with her label for Sasuke earlier. Biting her lip to stifle a growing smile while she ended Suika’s physical therapy to her tiny legs, she wondered if it’s possible to officially define Sasuke that way soon.

Yet the first move towards that future should not come from her.

“I’ve heard from Suigetsu that some bandits attacked you earlier.” Sakura sighed as they turned to another street on the way to her apartment. “Seems like there will always be lots of bandits around no matter how many we catch, huh?”

Without even tilting his head towards her, his only reply was: “Aa.”

She fixed her gaze at him. If she was able to disregard the thought earlier, she finally decided to conclude that something was really off. Usually, Sasuke would tell her at least a two-liner summary of what happened to his day.

But it seemed like he wasn’t in the mood to do so now. And whatever his mood was, she couldn’t even figure it out.

Hoping to not sound as if she was prying, Sakura tried to prompt him to speak more. “So how’s everything in Ame? The last time I was there for a medical mission, the rainfall was at its peak. We couldn’t even go out of the clinic!” She chuckled a bit and waited.

“It was okay. Not too rainy.”

“Oh. That’s nice!” She smiled, then after a moment, her face fell.

It was when he looked at the sky that she realized how lost Sasuke was in his thoughts so she resolved to allowing themselves to be immersed in silence.

After the war, she has learned to like silence with Sasuke for unlike what she used to think, it wasn’t awkward at all. If anything, it was soothing, even to her as an extrovert. But the silence they were in on this normal night was quite something else.

As much as she wanted to respect his privacy, she wanted to know what was bothering him and if there was anything that she could do to help.

Was he in pain due to an injury from today’s mission? Was he remembering his family’s past? Was he dwelling in guilt again?

Looking down at her feet, she clutched a hand to her chest. Being able to ease his anguish felt like a mission that she’s always bound to fail.

“We’re here.”

His voice veered her away from her thoughts as they came to a halt. She glanced up at him, and found him staring at her with an emotion that she couldn’t quite place.

She was sure that he wanted to say something, but when he didn’t, she sighed before telling him, “Thanks again, Sasuke-kun. Goodnight.”

He shut his eyes and then instantly turned around. “Aa. Goodnight.”

He was already a few steps away from her door when she realized that she wanted to assure him of something, anything that would make him know that she cares. That she always does. And that whatever was troubling him, she wanted him to be completely fine. “Sasuke-kun!”

As if sensing an urgent matter, Sasuke paused and tipped his head over his shoulder.

“I...Uhm…please rest well tonight, okay?” That was all Sakura was able to say.

She decided she was already at ease when she saw his lips curve upward before gently responding, “I should say the same to you.”

He honestly didn’t want to do it.

The feeling was a tad similar – only with a valid reason and correct motives this time – to that time he was thirteen. Back then, no matter how much his decision was already final, he was conscious about the fact that a certain teenage girl with flowing tears and an astonishing confession was able to sway his rock solid heart – almost, but not quite.

The only difference was that, he wasn’t accountable to anyone with his decision that time; he knew he could’ve stayed – should’ve stayed – if he wanted to. Now, despite the same girl moving (not just swaying) his heart to want to stay, he couldn’t afford to say no to the Hokage. Even if he had his perks as his former student and his son of sorts.

Kakashi said that Suna needed the help of someone as adept as him in tracking people, especially with the little possibility that the need for space-time jutsu would arise. With the apparent importance of his part in the job, he found himself struggling with an immense desire to stay.

Because he and Sakura were just starting to become closer and more comfortable with each other. He was beginning to earn her trust again. He was becoming accustomed to feeling things his younger self would’ve initially brushed off, making him able to translate it into actions that he could show to her – something that he wished she was understanding in one way or another no matter how scarce his ability to express was.

And he knew that leaving even just for a while could possibly taint whatever they were already able to build. It’s been a slow progress, and he didn’t want their relationship to crumble into pieces again just because of his duty.

He couldn’t bear the sight of a frown appearing on Sakura’s face because of him. It already happened so many times before.

He couldn’t bear the idea of her having to wait for him again. She’s been patient for so long.

He couldn’t bear the fact that the distance and time could stir something in the depths of her heart.

Because what if she finally got tired of waiting? Of loving him? What if she just saw him as a mere friend now and by the time that he’s away, someone else would receive her astonishing confession that he wished he was able to reciprocate many years ago?

He didn’t even have the guts to tell her the night before. If anything, he was tempted to simply leave without facing her, probably just handing a note to Karin, or Naruto, or Kakashi.

It has always been her who watched him leave, and pulling her into another episode of that made his heart constrict.

Of course, she would understand that it was for a mission. But he didn’t want her to ever think that it’s always too easy for him to leave everything behind—to leave her behind. That she wasn’t a good enough reason for him to stay. That she was always the last option for him just like how it used to be when defiling black and not blossoming pink used to fill his heart.

So, he honestly didn’t want to do it.

But here he was, standing right outside the hospital and waiting for her to come out just like all the other evenings since Karin’s delivery, ready (not) to inform her of his and Suigetsu’s impending departure.

He realized she would be back to going home alone once he left. And it was irking him to the core. He knew full well that Sakura could take care of herself, but what if an unexpected danger comes and catches her off guard on her most vulnerable, most exhausted, and most chakra-depleted (most stubborn) state at an eerie hour such as now while he was gone?

He released a heavy sigh. He had no choice now. The best thing he could do was to exert all that he could to accomplish the mission earlier than expected so he could immediately go home, just like what he usually did on their daily missions.

As weird as it sounded, he was already starting to miss her. And he almost choked on his own spit when he finally saw her walking out of the familiar double doors, smiling tiredly yet sweetly at him which easily warmed his heart in the process.

“You’re here,” she mumbled while pushing stray pink locks away from her face.

Her hair was up in a messy bun that left a few strands on the sides of her cheeks, and for Sasuke, he realized that she’s beautiful like this – raw and genuine – not as the shinobi Sakura nor the medic Sakura that everyone knows, but just plainly, his Sakura.

He allowed himself a few seconds to just take in her appearance, appreciating every bit of her as much as he could as if it would be the last time that he would see her.

A part of him regretted all those times before that he didn’t appreciate Sakura’s presence in his life. But now, he would do it every moment he could.

“I always wait for you, don’t I?” He finally spoke, voice a little hoarse from the absence of verbal communication the whole day, albeit being consumed by mental conversations with himself all throughout.

“Well, yeah, but it’s already very late. And this was an unexpected overtime schedule so I or Shizune wasn’t able to inform you or anything.” She gave him an apologetic smile.

It doesn’t matter, as long as I still get to see you before I leave.

“How long have you been here?”

“Since your usual end of shift.”

She gasped. “That’s two hours ago, Sasuke-kun!”

That’s nothing compared to how long you’ve waited for me many times before. “It’s fine. I had nothing to do today.” He began walking then, until she did the same and fell in step with him.

“Oh. I…” She bit her lip, catching another stray strand of her hair and placing it behind her ear. “I appreciate it, Sasuke-kun. So, you and Suigetsu have no mission today?”

He swallowed thickly. “Aa.” Because our new mission will start in a few hours.

A resigned silence filled the journey towards Sakura’s apartment, aside from the cicadas residing on the trees nearby and the pitter-patter of their feet against the uncemented road.

Frustration was getting the best of him for he couldn’t even glance at her, making it even more difficult to disclose about the topic he wished he shouldn’t even bring up. But there was no doubting that she was already feeling the tension between them.

There’s a certain familiarity with how they spent comfortable silence together, not having to say anything while revelling on each other’s presence. But last night and tonight, were far from that. And he was sure that Sakura wasn’t dumb to not notice anything for it was her who knew him better than anyone else.

True enough, as they turned to the last street to her place, she sighed and cleared her throat, making every bit of him suddenly rigid. She then began, “I’m getting worried, Sasuke-kun. Is everything alright?”

He found a little consolation at the fact that she was only concerned with him and not annoyed although she had every reason to be. He shut his eyes and stopped walking right in front of her apartment then, slowly turning to face her and bracing himself for whatever reaction her beautiful face would show once his news was out in the open. “I have something to tell you.”

There was a pause. And her gaze was softly fixed at him when his eyes opened, assuring him that she was all ears and urging him to continue.

His heart raced. How in the world could he survive another long while of not seeing that face?

He forced himself to believe that he wasn’t bothered about her tear-filled yet still pretty face when he left the first time.

He focused himself on becoming a better man than thinking of her blushing face after he poked her forehead when he left the second time.

And he endured a month of unexpected emotional turmoil when he returned only to be avoided by her due to a wrong conclusion after seeing a very pregnant Karin with him.

So this should be easy – natural, even – right?

Dang it.

He was probably being overly dramatic but he had to tell her now. He sighed. “I’m going to a long mission with Suigetsu.”

“Oh.”

And there went that faltering smile he wanted so bad to avoid. He inhaled a sharp breath as he quickly looked away.

But then, she bit her slightly trembling lip and after a moment, she was smiling at him again, albeit forcefully. “For how long?”

“A month or two. At most, three.”

There was another pause, and Sasuke wondered if Sakura thought about the last time that they didn’t get to spend a whole month together even though he was in the village. He wondered if she felt as conflicted as he was then, and if she could feel as dismayed as he was now.

“I see.”

He finally glanced at her. There was still a small smile to her face but he found her hands fiddling with the hem of her shirt. Surely, if there was a better option, she wouldn’t choose this too. “This would be the last time that I could bring you home for now.”

To his surprise, she suddenly chuckled. “It’s fine, Sasuke-kun. I can manage. But I’ll…” Although it was dark, Sasuke didn’t fail to catch the blush on her cheeks. “I’ll miss you,” she breathed.

Sasuke’s heart skipped a beat. There was an upward tug on the edges of his lips now.

For she wasn’t sad. She wasn’t angry. She wasn’t hurt.

But she’ll miss him.

All his former apprehensions suddenly went down the drain after hearing that from her.

How could this woman have such a tender heart towards him up until now?

Then Sakura instantly added, “Anyway, maybe you could bring this potion that Shizune and I have just finished. It’s something you could use just in case y—”

“There’s no need, Sakura.” Sasuke’s gaze softened at her while he reached out to stop her hands that were quickly rummaging her pouch as if time was running out for them. “We’re just gonna help some villages. Nothing to worry about.”

“O-okay.” Sakura pulled her hand away from her pouch as Sasuke also retracted his. The sudden contact made her a little dizzy, or maybe she was just really tired for the day. But she still had one information she wanted to know. “When and what time will you leave anyway? I’d be glad to send you off and say goodbye to Suigetsu too!”

Of course she’d want to send him off, but he gently shook his head. “Thanks. But we’ll leave before dawn, roughly three hours from now. You’re supposed to be asleep by then,” he emphasized the last part. He didn’t want to see a live footage of how they would part ways. And he didn’t want her to sacrifice the only time she could finally sleep just for him.

“Are you sure though? I could help you pack your stuff or make you some snacks. Do you have medical supplies? Give me a moment, I could get some for you inside the apartment so you cou—”

“Sakura.” Sasuke smiled. When she bit her lip at the realization that she was already rambling, Sasuke lifted his two fingers and softly, affectionately, poked her forehead once again after more than two years. “I’m all good. I’ll see you when I’m back.”

At this, her hand flew to the place he marked as she looked away in an attempt to hide the crimson stain on her cheeks. She then chortled. “Right. Uhm...okay. I’ll see you soon then, Sasuke-kun. Take care.”

The next morning, he left the village with Suigetsu pestering him about why he had such an uncharacteristic grin on his face.

The first week without Sasuke went by pretty fast. But Sakura was right with what she told him – she missed him just like those years ago.

At first, she thought the feeling wasn’t anything new anymore, but she realized that there was a lot in their dynamics that changed ever since his return from his journey.

And that in itself was completely new, refreshing even.

Because before, she was missing someone who had no desire to return to the village. Someone who seemed to have no care about her. Someone who only returned her confessions with a single thanks on the first time and a horrible genjutsu on the second.

But now, she was waiting for a changed man who has eventually learned to come to terms with his past, embrace his present, and be hopeful for his future. A gentleman who made lots of efforts to restore bonds that he formerly decided to sever. A caring man who might be – even just a little bit – feeling the same way about her too.

Sakura grinned as her thumb paused over a familiar face on an old picture frame. It’s been an unconscious habit, she noted. For whenever she thought about Sasuke while she was seated on her desk – bombarded with tons of paperworks she wished her perfect chakra control could accomplish – she would find herself staring at the official group photo of the genin Team 7 with her thumb eventually brushing over her beloved’s face.

She traced back to how Sasuke was so tensed before telling her about the mission. He didn’t even have the responsibility of informing her about his daily missions or whereabouts, but the fact that he still chose to, and the fact that he seemed to be so troubled and unsure on how to let her know that he would be gone for a while made her heart glad for it just showed how he was concerned about her in his own ways.

She tried to imagine their next reunion. And she wasn’t able to fight a smile as she wondered if Sasuke would then tell her that he missed her just as much as she did. Or if he would let her know how life was a lot better when they’re together. Or if he would finally confess that during their time apart, he realized that he loves her too, so damn much that he would not allow them to be separated ever again.

Not realizing that she has already lifted the picture frame close to her grinning face, a loud knock and Shizune’s sudden appearance through her door caused her to loosen her grip on the frame so it tumbled front first on her desk.

“You have another surgery in a few, Sakura.”

Blinking, she broke out of her daze and returned the Team 7 photo on its usual place. “I-I’m coming.”

Oh well, good things come to those who wait.

“What’s going on, Karin?” Sakura frowned the moment the redhead entered her office upon her instruction. “I’ve heard that you’ve been snapping at people too much recently. Is it true that you’ve also countered the decision of one of my subordinates from the Emergency Department?”

“That’s not–!” Karin inhaled sharply and looked away from her senpai. “I didn’t mean to, okay? It’s just that I think she’s doing it wrong and I had a better idea on how we could do the medicine tests faster.”

Sakura sighed. She wanted to deal with Karin in the nicest way possible, knowing that she’s her friend and not just her employee. But since the past week, complaints about a certain redhead medic had been delivered to her, so she wanted to know what was really going on before giving her some consequences if necessary.

“Does having your own opinion give you the right to contradict her if she was doing exactly how I told her to do her work?”

“N-no.”

“Then why did you do it?” Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose.

Her frustration was rising now that another matter has been added to her already overflowing plate. There’s the tension of standing on the thin line separating her roles as the Head Medic and Karin’s friend. And it was becoming a bit difficult to control herself in simply picking the superior side.

“I’m sure you know that when you don’t submit to any of the department heads under my care, it means that you aren’t submitting to my headship too. Karin, even though I’m your friend, based on the Code of Conduct set by Tsunade-shishou, that could lead to your suspension.”

Karin gasped at this. “No, please!” For a second, even she was surprised with how she sounded so desperate with that uncharacteristic plea coming from her. Her brows furrowed as she bowed her head. She definitely didn’t want to disappoint Sakura, but it was clear as day that she had already done so due to the way she was looking at her now.

“I mean...I’m sorry, Sakura. I don’t know...to think that it’s already been four and a half months since Suika was born, I’m sure this isn’t due to the pregnancy hormones anymore. I don’t understand, but sometimes, I just couldn’t help but burst!” The redhead sighed and shook her head before adding, “Rest assured, I will do my best not to have such an attitude again next time. I just can’t lose this job, Sakura, now that...now that Suigetsu’s not he–” She stiffened for a moment, and then suddenly released a loud exhale as the realization of what was going on hit her.

Sakura leaned forward and waited. As Karin slowly looked up and pushed her glasses back, she noticed her red eyes becoming glassy with sudden tears.

“I think I understand now. I..I think it’s because...I miss Suigetsu.” Her voice softened while she averted Sakura’s gaze. She found it weird and irritating how she could become this vulnerable to her. But at the same time, it felt like she could show this side to Sakura knowing that she’s not the kind who would judge anyone. There’s just so much kindness in Sakura that makes her oddly comfortable in being open with her.

And so, she continued, “I remember how Sasuke had to endure my mood swings too back when I was separated with Sui for a whole month before my labor, that’s why he was oftentimes out of his own house. To think that Sui’s been gone again for a time longer than that, I find it difficult to be at ease.” She finally looked at her senpai. “I know it’s not an excuse that my attitude to the patients and some of my colleagues have worsened due to my emotions, but...I don’t know, Sakura. Aren’t you feeling the same thing about Sasuke? How are you dealing with it?”

A pregnant pause filled Sakura’s office as she remembered the past weeks. How she’s been taking lots of workload again, much to Shizune’s chagrin. How she’s been preoccupying her mind with volumes upon volumes of medical textbooks. And how she’s been hitting the training grounds at midnight instead of heading home immediately no matter how exhausted she was from the hospital.

She then realized that like her, Karin had her own way of coping about the fact that they were missing the men that they love.

“I...yeah.” She heaved a sigh. “I understand. It’s difficult to not...uhm, think so much about Sasuke-kun.” Her eyes darted to the photo frame on her desk. “I always wonder about what he’s doing. If he’s safe there in Suna. If he’s okay as they do their tasks. Or if he’s gonna be back sooner than expected. And to avoid overthinking about him, I dive into tons of work.”

Her heart clenched just like the past few days when she realized how much she longed to witness Sasuke’s quiet enjoyment on their (not date, but almost date) dinners together wherein she got to have playful banters, heartfelt conversations, and even comfortable silences with him. She also recognized the struggle of sticking to being patient for his next return due to the undeniable fact that she yearned for his unfailing dedication in spending time with her and bringing her home after work.

Karin broke into a smile as she sensed the apparent similarities of what they were undergoing. As women, there’s always that little nudge in your heart and mind about the well-being of your lover whenever he’s not around. And knowing that Sakura could relate to this was a consolation to her, an affirmation that she wasn’t really alone (and insane).

It was quite funny for her to think that after living a life with almost no friends – especially girls – she would be able to build such a bond with Sakura. She called her attention once more when she said, “Sasuke’s so blessed to have you constantly thinking about him and loving him from afar, Sakura.”

“I...uh...”

“You don’t have to hide it from me, Sakura. It’s obvious. Suigetsu might not be my first love, but he’s definitely my true love.” She glanced away as she tried to hide a rare blush on her face. “But I can really feel the intensity of your love for Sasuke since he has been both your first and true love. To think that he wasn’t even always with you. It’s inspiring, really.”

Sakura’s heart swelled at that. Although her love hasn’t been reciprocated by the recipient of it, it surprised her how someone became inspired with the way she loved Sasuke – unconditionally, relentlessly, selflessly.

“K-karin...thank you that you see it that way. I—wow, that’s—you’re right. Sasuke-kun...he’s been my first and true love. And uhm...honestly, Karin, I want to thank you for being there for him when I couldn’t. For your love for him when mine couldn’t reach him.”

Her sudden words and her soft smile made Karin’s eyes go wide.

“I’m really happy that he met you, Karin.”

As much as it irked him being uncharacteristically emotional in front of anyone, she wasn’t able to avoid her eyes from brimming with tears.

“I think Sasuke deserves all the love in the world, Sakura. I gave him all the love that I could give back then, but I know that you could give him so much more, then and now.” She then grinned. “My love wasn’t meant to be his anyway. I...I’ve never loved as much as I did when I fell for Suigetsu.” And then her brows furrowed as she stared at a distance through the window. “That’s why these men better be back soon because we couldn’t take it anymore!” She groaned.

Giggling, Sakura glanced at the genin Sasuke in the Team 7 photo once again. “You’re right. Meanwhile, about your offense…”

Karin stood upright after sensing the senpai mode of the woman in front of her. “I’ll do anything, Sakura! Just don’t let me be suspended or fired while I’m in Konoha!”

Sakura couldn’t help but laugh at that. To think that this redhead is a tough woman but she could turn into a soft and genuine one in front of her, she couldn’t help but feel like it was a privilege to be this close with her.

When Karin raised an eyebrow at her in confusion, she shook her head and said, “It wouldn’t come to that.” Karin’s sigh of relief made her smile again. “I understand what you’re going through, but like what you said, our emotions are not excuses to have an entitled attitude towards others. What I want you to do is to apologize sincerely to the people you’ve treated that way. Especially to the head of the Emergency Department.”

“That’s...all?” She blinked. “Alright! Thank you, Sakura!”

And then Sakura laughed once more when the redhead medic rushed outside her door to instantly do as told. As her laughter died down, she leaned back on her seat and realized that it was the first time in a month and a half that she was able to laugh as freely and genuinely as that.

If she would be completely honest, albeit almost excelling at it like a professional, waiting sucks. Sure, she could immerse herself in whichever stuff that could preoccupy her – and allow her body to be drained process – but it would never suffice to having Sasuke around.

Her gaze fixed at her office window while she wondered if there was still a possibility that one day, she’d finally be able to stop waiting and just have him close to her. Not just because she wanted to, but also because he wanted to.

A subtle pit-a-pat on her window awakened her from her trance. When she returned to her tasks a few seconds later, merely thinking that it was a branch or something colliding with glass, she heard another round of soft knocks that sounded like a bird’s beak hitting her window.

A bird’s beak...hitting...

She sprang out of her seat with a jolt to confirm her afterthought, her hips thankfully dodging the edge of her table and saving her from sudden pain as she focused on the familiar hawk sitting outside her window.

Sliding it open, the feathered summon skipped closer to her and angled its left foot for a note that could either ease her worries or increase them.

For it was the first time that Sasuke reached out to her after a month and a half.

“Thank you so much,” she mumbled before the hawk flew back to its master hundreds of miles away.

She was both excited and nervous. But upon opening the note, she found herself smiling and blushing like never before as her gaze shifted to the sky, following the small figure of the flying hawk from afar.

Just another week left. Take care. — S.U.

Sakura was all smiles around the hospital all week. She was a cheerful woman, alright, but there was definitely something so eminently special about that week that caused the pink-haired medic nin to be at the pinnacle of her emotions. There was no heavy workload, irritable workmate, nor delayed appointment that was intense enough to wipe away that dazzling smile plastered on her face.

Shizune, who often caught Sakura with her gaze fixed on the only memento on her office table, has concluded that it certainly had something to do with her not-boyfriend. Besides, who else could make Sakura Haruno glow joyously like that aside from Sasuke Uchiha?

Actually, it wasn’t only the pinkette who seemed to be completely over the moon that week. Pink and Red were bouncing off the walls all around the hospital and the staff and patients couldn’t help but be amused whenever they came across the two. After all, both women with bright colored hair had such contagious bright aura that uplifted the people around them.

Even with the number of appointments and interviews set with Sakura due to the positive reports about the efficiency of her recent concoction, she became more productive without overexerting herself, contrary to the past weeks of intentionally preoccupying herself with workload that she could actually delegate to her staff.

And Karin, on the other hand, was instantly the favorite of her patients once again as if she didn’t expose some bad attitude to them days ago.

Another long wait is about to end, Sakura mused, unable to conceal her excitement when she realized that it’s been exactly a week after she received Sasuke’s note. She brushed her thumb on the specific face on her team’s photo one last time before heading to another surgery for the day.

After her extended shift was over, a mother of one of Sakura’s patients in the Children’s Mental Health clinic approached her in a corridor near the Emergency Department. Sakura was touched with the thoughtfulness of the parent as she received a small gift from her, heart swelling with joy while listening to her gratitude for putting up the clinic after the war. It might have taken years, she said, but her daughter recovered from the trauma of losing her dad during the war because of Sakura’s project, reminding her of how far she had come in terms of her profession.

While she was immersed in such heartwarming conversation, Sakura then heard a firm voice she’s now accustomed to somewhere near them. But there was a sudden croak to it that made the hair on her arms stand on end, “S-suigetsu? ...Suigetsu!”

Everything else that the woman in front of her was saying came to a blur as her ears tried to pick up the muffled sounds from a few hallways away. But then, the man that Karin called shouted words that made her drop the gift she was holding:

“It’s...Sasuke! Help Sasuke!”

The loud thump on the floor amplified the sudden drop she felt inside her chest.

The next thing she knew, her feet was darting to the direction of the voices she had heard.

She was sure something else fell on the floor moments ago but the scene she had witnessed upon reaching her destination made her realize that it was her heart that also fell, shattering into pieces yet again.

For Sasuke was there, more pale than ever, with his eyes shut and mouth bubbling as two nurses hurriedly yet cautiously transferred him to a stretcher beside Shizune, Karin, and a barely conscious Suigetsu.

“What’s going on here?” Sakura demanded, forcing to restrain the tremble on her voice as she rushed towards them.

“Sakura!” It was Shizune who responded for Suigetsu was lifted to another stretcher with a frantic Karin clutching his hand. Her colleague hesitated to divulge what she knew but Sakura was quick to assess the unconscious man’s condition.

She soon gasped, her head tilting to Shizune for confirmation, trying to deny her realization of what was going on. No, not Sasuke-kun. Please, no!

But Shizune fiercely nodded. “We have to hurry. It’s the poison that’s been rampant in Suna recently and...and you already know what this entails.”

“You both know about this?” Sakura couldn’t blame the sheer panic in Karin’s voice. “Sakura, save them!—Hold on, Suigetsu! Don’t—don’t move!—please, Sakura! Shizune! Do something!”

With clenched fists, Sakura couldn’t find the strength to take a glance at the man she loved once again. She had to take deep breaths, in order to keep her professional composure so as to not end up into a sobbing mess like Karin.

But it wasn’t working.

A few exhales later, she was still frozen on the spot as a million possibilities raced in her mind. She has studied this case for months, and she knew full well its capacity to—

“Sakura!” She inhaled sharply with a blink upon realizing that two firm hands were shaking her by the shoulders now. “Sakura, we have to move!”

That’s when she finally glanced at Sasuke again. This was the man who holds her heart. And right at that moment, his life was in her hands.

She had a role to play.

Sakura blinked back the tears that she didn’t realize were threatening to fall, before willing her head to nod at the two nurses ready to push both stretchers.

So they all began to move. The urgency of the situation was felt at the sound of shuffling of feet and wheels in the hallway.

Her hand that wasn’t pushing the stretcher moved to clasp Sasuke’s limp one. Struggling to stifle a whimper, she lifted his hand close to her chest and prayed harder than ever before. Sasuke-kun, stay with me. You have to stay with me.

“Sakura, this is difficult. But you have to decide on what we should do.”

Her colleague was right. This time, she squared her shoulders and let go of Sasuke’s hand for her role was about to begin. “Shizune, look after Suigetsu. Make sure that there’s no poison left in his system because a tinge of it could still spread in his body. I’ll take care of Sasuke-kun.”

“Alright. But...are...are you sure you could manage taking over Sasuke’s operation? I know you’re very much concerned with him right now, maybe it’s best if you have somebody else to—”

“Yes,” she answered in a firm tone. “He’s important to me. He’s...damn it, I’m in love with him. But I’m a doctor too. I could manage, Shizune.” She yet again blinked back some tears, sparing another glance at her patient. “I should manage.”

“Since...since this is...oh my goodness, this is poison…doesn’t this have a duration until one’s body takes its full effect?”

Sakura briefly looked at Karin. “Yes, this poison would manifest its worst immediately within two days since it was acquired. It’s...It’s fatal and could cause—we better hurry! Nurses! Prepare the Operating rooms! Now!”

As the nurses in the hallway rushed to open the door ahead of them, the barely conscious patient struggled to breathe whilst forcing to turn his head towards the Head Medic.

“T-two days? But, S-sakura…today...is the second day.”

--------

(Karin - Part 9) - to be continued...

--------

Hey guys! A lot of things had happened in the past month but I hope you’re all doing well. :) By God’s grace, I’ve been a lot better in all aspects recently, compared to the first few months that I was writing this. (Remember those times I posted that I couldn’t finish a chapter yet due to some sort of anxiety attacks? Praise God, I haven’t had one for months now!) Meanwhile, it was still quite a struggle completing this amidst all the stuff I had on my plate internally and externally.

But here it is! Please don’t forget to comment! I can’t wait to see your reviews about the scenes, plot, characters, emotions, and writing for this chapter! :) You could check my other works here or on AO3 & FF under the username AriannJS :)

Thanks & God bless!

-- A

[bumi-illustrates]

Chapter 4

“Agree to meet with him? How do I know this isn’t some elaborate trap to get an easy meal?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest.

Vene gave a chuckle, “That’s the fun part!” His voice raised an octave, “You don’t!”

I could feel a headache beginning to push at my temple, “So let me change the wager on you.”

Reaching down, I captured the small creature, my hand wrapped firmly around his body. He let out a squeak that somehow didn’t sound like he was at all worried. In fact, a large toothy smile spread his lips yet again as he wrapped his tail around my wrist when I moved to hold him dangerously close to my face.

“I’ll give you two options. One; you remain here with us and help in our efforts. Two; you don’t help us, and we lock you in a tiny box so that Chrome can suck what information he can out of you until you are no longer useful. Then he can do whatever he pleases with the leftovers. So, Venenata, take your pick.”

He blinked at me a few times before he began to cackle. I kept a flat expression as the cackle increased to a full-blown belly laugh. I could see small tears prick his eyes; his mouth wide with a smile as he tried to breathe around his laughter.

“Look at you! Acting like a boss!” He paused to suck in a breath before laughing out, “I love that part where you act like you have a say in this!”

With a curl of my lip, my grip on the little Noctis increased, “What?”

At my snarl, his expression fell. He stared up at me with a hint of what looked like disdain, “Listen here, chump. I work for Spindle. And unfortunately for you, I was told to return with you. So, until you agree, you’re stuck with me. If you want me to assist you, then so be it. But do me a favor?”

I remained silent but raised one of my eyebrows in curiosity.

I cringed slightly when he began to struggle to hold back his returning smile, “Play the tough guy again!”

I could feel a vein pulse against my forehead in irritation and opened my hand, quickly dropping the little pest on the floor while he howled with glee. I thought of myself as a pretty patient person, but something about Vene made it incredibly easy for him to have me peeved in zero point two seconds flat.

“We’re just going to let him stay?” Chrome asked, sounding more worried than angry.

I sucked in a deep breath as I looked down at the giggling Noctis on the floor. I bit my lip before slowly exhaling, shutting my eyes to help calm myself. Leaving my eyes closed, I spoke carefully, “He doesn’t seem to pose any kind of threat and if we could get some useful information out of him, we may be able to turn the tide of this war. I don’t like the idea any more than the next guy, but if we keep him our little secret, maybe, just maybe this could work. Besides, now he knows the ins and outs of the base. We can’t just let him run off to rat us out to his buddies.”

It was Chrome’s turn to raise an eyebrow at me as I carefully opened my eyes, chancing a glance at him, “I get what you mean, but an alliance? With the Noctis?”

I held up my hands slightly in defense, “I know it sounds crazy, but if there are Noctis out there that want to help us, it could really be beneficial.”

“Would you look at that? He can be a smart leader! Who would have thought!” Vene laughed from his place on the floor.

“Alright, Vene. I’m not agreeing to meet with anyone yet, but I’m willing to work with you. Prove to us that you’re trustworthy and we can discuss this meeting further. For now, you are to stay with Chrome or myself and you aren’t to let anyone else see you, understand?”

“Understood, Captain Cappuccino!” He smiled, with a mock salute.

“Michael, maybe we should put more restrictions on him?” Chrome voiced his concerns, giving Vene a side eye.

“Chrome, I want to believe what he says. I also know that the reality is we can’t hide forever. One day the Noctis will get in and we’re doomed. My letting Vene stay could mean that coming to fruition sooner, but I’m willing to take a chance on him if it means we can stop all of this.”

Chrome went quiet for a moment before nodding slightly, “That’s one of the things I always hated about you.”

I looked at him, slightly shocked, but chuckled anyway, “Other than my charming good looks and dazzling personality?”

He shoved my shoulder as he pointed a thumb over his shoulder towards his desk, “Alright, dazzling personality. Grab the little rat and we’ll look over these files. Assuming, of course, that you managed to grab the right one.”

“You two are gross. Has anyone ever told you that? I bet tons of people have told you that.” Vene complained as I picked him off the ground.

I choose to ignore him as I placed him next to Chrome’s keyboard. Chrome sat down on the stool he had made from scrap wood and plugged the flash drive into the old computer box. He never turned the actual piece of technology off, opting to leave it running and only turning off the monitor for the two hours he wasn’t sitting in front of it.

“So, what are we looking for, exactly?”

I was surprised that the question had come from Vene and that he sounded genuinely interested. It was almost disturbing not to hear him laughing about anything and everything.

“The doctors I was interning under had countless patients with the plague. They were afraid I would be more susceptible to catching it because of my age, so I never got to look at the notes. But if I’m correct, this flash drive should have all the information they gathered on it.”

The sudden forlorn look on Venenata’s face squeezed my heart uncomfortably. His eyes gave him away, he knew something. I watched him closely, waiting for him to say something, anything. But he remained silent, which confirmed my suspicions.

“You all started the plague, by the look on your face, you know how to cure it.” I shot, watching his reaction carefully.

His face fell further, “No. There is no cure for something like this. But I know you won’t like what you find.”

“What do you mean? If you know something, just tell us!” Chrome spoke, his monitor still struggling to come back to life.

Vene hesitated before sighing, “The plague, was never an illness for humans. It started as an experiment gone wrong. Although I would love to go more in depth, that’s all I know about it. The only other thing I suppose I can fill you in on, though you already know, is that it is a horrible way to die. Sometimes quick, sometimes not. Sometimes painless, sometimes not. There was no predicting when it would strike its victim dead, but there had to be some kind of continuity between victims.”

I had to admit, it was odd hearing Vene talk so seriously. I would be lying if I said it didn’t unnerve me. I almost missed his annoying laugh and stupid grin. Almost.

“Do you know who created the experiment?” Chrome asked as he was finally able to start the process of opening the files.

“There are a few rumors, nothing with evidence to back it, however.”

“Who do you think created it?” I asked, curious to hear his thoughts and desperate to keep this serious side of him for as long as possible.

“I originally thought it to be Somna, but she’s too impatient to make a disease that isn’t trackable. That’s when I began to look deeper into it, I quickly figured out that it was not a disease, but an adverse effect to an experiment gone horribly wrong. My best guess would have to be Goanna, trying to create more soldiers for Somna’s army.”

“Wait, are you saying that the plague started because this Goanna was trying to turn humans into Noctis?”

He looked up at me and I instantly regretted my question, “Isn’t that what I just said? Do you have potatoes in your ears? Better harvest those before you make another stupid comment like that one!”

I groaned as he released another roaring laugh, “I can only blame myself.”

He continued to laugh, and I fell silent as Chrome began jumping from file to file, quickly scanning through each one. It wasn’t long before he spoke up, “There’s nothing here.”

“What?” I asked, disbelieving.

“It’s files on the patients, but it’s all just normal notes. All their vitals for appointments, any side effects from the medicine they were taking, any new symptoms they were experiencing because of the medication and what new drug to use to help them with it. It’s all just normal information. As if the plague was just a common cold!”

“What about the death records?”

“Unavailable. They wiped the file clean and there’s no way for me to hack into it to get the information back. I just don’t have the equipment for something that advanced.”

“Why would they wipe the death records? Every single one of those patients would be dead by now. And we know they died, why try to hide it?”

“Duh! Because they aren’t dead!” Vene piped up.

Both our eyes fell to the small creature, “What? What do you mean they aren’t dead?”

He seemed to shrug before grinning, “I don’t know. No death records mean they technically never died, right? I just figured that’s the most logical answer.”

Chromed groaned and his head hit the desk with a loud bang, “And here I thought you were on to something.”

“Why can’t I be? It’s at least a possibility, right? Maybe this is the start of your fabled zombie apocalypse!” Vene gasped, almost excitedly.

“Zombies aren’t a scientific possibility!”

“That’s rich coming from a zombie himself!”

“I am not a zombie!”

“What if he’s right?”

The two stopped their spat to look at me. Chrome looked exasperated, Vene looked like a proud father who just watched his son say his first words.

“I know it sounds crazy, but say his theory is right. Say it was an experiment to turn us into beasts. What if the experiment worked? What if they were turned into beasts and the doctors told us they died to simply cover it up?”

I could see Chrome’s brain working, “Come to think of it, for all the death I was surrounded by, not once did I see a body. I suppose, as crazy as it is, we can’t rule it off.”

“Oh-ho! Chrome-a-lot’s thinking outside the box! Better watch out, that’s lethal!” Vene teased, visibly irking Chrome.

“I’m going to regret this.” I sighed, “Vene, it seems it’s already time to prove yourself.”

He smirked, showing his sharp teeth, “Of course, Captain.”

[douxreviews]

Jessica Jones - ‘A.K.A. I Have No Spleen’ Review

"My name on your case file does not make me a victim."

Jessica Jones is forced to confront her own vulnerability.

You can imagine how well that goes.

There's something interesting going on this season with Jessica Jones and the way they're layering the plot across episodes, and I'm really grooving on it.

'The Perfect Burger' and 'You're Welcome' pulled the time honored conceit of telling more or less the same story from two different perspectives for the sake of making some interesting character contrasts and burying a couple of reveals. That's usually a good trick, structurally speaking, since not only does it allow you to do some character exploration, it also has the bonus effect of making your season feel more tightly focused. 'I Have No Spleen' pulls another variation on this trick by essentially having Jessica spend the entire episode pursuing a false assumption that is ultimately revealed to be a mare's nest before it circles back to the exact same ending point that the previous two episodes shared and giving us some new and unexpected information.

So, that's essentially an entire episode's run time devoted to a side quest that turns out to be irrelevant and mostly serves to mark time until Jessica can be in the right place under the right circumstances to finally pick up the real scent. I say that pretty baldly, which makes it sound like a criticism, but it absolutely is not. It allows a lot of space for character work without feeling like the plot is treading water, and like the technique used in the first two episodes results in the storyline maintaining a lean and focused feel, which is a really good look for the show. If there was a specific complaint I had about season two, it was that it often felt more sprawling and unfocused than it was intending to be. These first three episodes feel like a very specifically designed course correction to that.

There's a clever use of audience assumptions here, since we're all more or less on the same incorrect page. We and Jessica are assuming that she was the target of the attack, and that therefore the attacker must be someone who has a beef with Jessica. This naturally leads both Costa and Jessica to assume that it's one of her clients, since the quickest way to get irritated with Jessica is to have met her. Jessica takes it one step further and assumes that it must be the work of Andrew Brandt, her most recent investigatee. Brandt is of course the ever-so-charming gentleman who had his sister beaten up in order to acquire a statue, and the resident of the apartment that Trish and Jessica both ended up in. See both previous episodes for that complete story.

Of course, that turns out to be not at all what's going on, and we'll talk about that in just a moment, but let's dig into what this episode really had on its mind when it wasn't pretending to be hot on the trail of Jessica's attacker. This episode was about two women who see themselves almost entirely in terms of eliminating all trace of vulnerability from their lives, and what happens when they have the illusion of invulnerability stripped away.

Speaking of invulnerability for just a moment, I can't have been the only one who'd forgotten that Jessica wasn't technically invulnerable, right? When she was stabbed I was genuinely surprised and had a very clear moment of, 'Wait, she can't be hurt, can she?' We get so used to heroes with super strength and the power of jumping really high that we subconsciously just assume that freedom from being hurt is part of the standard package.  And of course, it isn't. If it was, Luke Cage wouldn't be so special. Well, sure, his abs would still be pretty special, but that's beside the point I'm making at the moment.

One of the goals for Jessica this season is an attempt to live as a hero. She's genuinely trying to be a better person and to use her powers in a heroic way, as a result of the events of last season. But in her mind, in order to be a hero you have to be invulnerable and she has just had it proved that she is not. That's an incorrect assumption on her part, of course, but it really makes sense for her as a character that she would see things that way. This was actually a really nice way for the show to pick back up the most successful aspect of season one, the way it addressed the sexual assault survivor metaphor. In Jessica's situation, with what Jessica has been through, nothing can be as important to her as her sense of self protection. No burger is perfect enough to protect Erik Gelden if he was in any way responsible for taking that away from her.

Jessica's plan for regaining the sense of control that she needs just to get through her day to day life is to solve the mystery of her attack on her own and not let the police handle it, which is entirely on brand for her. It's touching that Costa kind of gets that and lets her do it. Her plan gets a bit of a setback when she finds out she's been on entirely the wrong track, however, and it's here where the episode shows what I was talking about earlier in regard to a 'treading water' plot not being without value. This is the story of Jessica Jones needing a win in order to regain her sense of security, and not getting it, and that's a story worth telling. Particularly as the thing that ultimately allows her to stay in the hospital and thereby metaphorically accept temporary vulnerability, is the text of help from Jeri Hogarth.

Jeri is Jessica's mirror at this point. She's starting to be unable to ignore the impending acceleration of her ALS symptoms and is desperate to find ways to regain the sense that she's in control of her own life. Unfortunately, for Jeri that seems to involve deliberately seducing her ex-lover in an attempt to break up that ex-lover's current happy marriage, which is... I mean, where do you even begin to unpack that? The look of disappointment on Jeri's face when she finds out that Kith and Peter have an open marriage, and therefore her successful seduction of Kith was entirely meaningless, is heartbreaking and complicated. And look at that, it occurs at exactly the same point in the plot as Jessica's lowest moment in the hospital.

What makes this all fascinating is the scene which is really the emotional core of the entire episode. Jeri comes to Jessica's office, and among other things they discuss one another's current weaknesses. What's fascinating is the fact that they're both constantly attempting to turn the conversation away from their own problem and instead express sympathy and support for the other's. Neither of them can bear to be the object of concern for even a moment, despite the fact that they both quite clearly do care about one another's troubles and the expressions of sympathy they're making are 100% genuine. They're just also a way to avoid receiving sympathy themselves. That's just a great scene.

As for the side characters, They carry on much the same. Malcolm continues his journey to the heart of 'pliable ethics.' Trish continues to embrace the life of a superhero with all the verve of a college freshman who just discovered environmentalism, and is just as intolerable while doing it. Although it was hard not to sympathize with her when her co-host told her she was born to sell crappy clothes on shopping TV. Trish and Jessica's relationship has always been my favorite thing about this show, and I have such grave concerns about where this final season is going to leave them.

And while I'm sharing concerns and hopes, could Malcolm's new girlfriend Zaya maybe not turn out to be evil? Please? Because I'm getting a serious 'I'm going to turn out to be evil' vibe from her. Similarly, I'm really hoping that Erik the burger guy doesn't turn out to be evil, although I find him kind of attractive and everything in my personal dating history guarantees that that means he's evil.

Of course, the real winner of this episode is clearly Doctor 'I Love to Make Spleen Puns.' Totally loved that guy.

Bits and Pieces:

-- I really enjoyed the detail that the hospital totally understands about superhumans and factors that into patient care. That was just a really nice bit of world building.

-- Does Jessica's superpower set involve having a better than average immune response? Because what the show said was accurate; the duties of the spleen are also taken on by the liver and, to a lesser extent, the lymph nodes, but maybe Jessica doesn't want to put too much reliance on her liver handling the job. I'm just saying.

-- Did Jeri have any reason other than trying to break up Kith's marriage to have Malcolm spy on Peter? I think I might have missed something significant regarding that.

-- Minor quibble, but the hospital would have discussed her spleen situation with her before getting Jessica a medic alert bracelet. For one thing, insurance tends to not cover them, and for another they take a bit to get made. There's no way that she would have found out she'd lost her spleen that way. I get that it's 'show don't tell' narrative shorthand, but I felt obligated to put the real information out there.

-- While we're talking sound medical advice from your considerate television review website, blood in your urine (for males) is absolutely typical after blunt force trauma to the torso, and typically will be released before the flow of urine, not after. It's most often nothing to be concerned about, but check with your doctor if it persists or worsens. DouxReviews is not a medical practitioner, and should not be viewed as a source of diagnostic feedback.

-- I was just thinking that Jessica shouldn't be able to walk around as casually as she was doing when she collapsed and passed out. Thank you, show.

-- I suppose that, technically, what happened to Wendy in season one might be described as a tragic accident. But that feels like underselling it.

-- Reading between the lines, Jeri cheated on Kith with Wendy and then left Kith for her.

-- My favorite moment of kindness that I've seen on television for ages: Malcolm, knowing that Jessica would resent any help he gave her as pity, prepared a bill for his time in advance so that she had an out to protect her dignity. That actually made me go 'Awwww' out loud.

-- I adore Gillian, Jessica's new assistant, and have a million questions about her backstory.

Quotes:

Doctor: "That's what I'm trying to ex-spleen to you." It's hard not to love the doctor.

Jessica: "Where would a liter of bourbon a day fall on the reckless scale?"

Jeri: "The Cale Caesar is quite filling." Kith: "Talk about faint praise."

Kith: "See? All of the wine."

Jessica: "A hero is strong. A hero is invulnerable. A hero has a goddamn spleen."

Jessica: "You've been a hero for five minutes. I've been one half my life." Trish: "You've been super, Jess. There's a difference."

Gillian: "It's 12:29. I'm taking lunch. And there's a client waiting in the office. Should I tell them you've recently been the victim of a violent crime and are currently indisposed?"

A really focused and well structured entry into a season that I feel is only just getting started. I mean that in the best possible way. I think the word I'm looking for here is 'disciplined.'

Eight out of ten cases of unabashed verve.

---

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water.

[unknown-de-mordor-blog]

Plot Bunny: Alpine AU SNS

Summary: Naruto is a fresh-faced botanist who just recently moved to a (sizeable) mountain town to join a research team on ecology in alpine climate. He’s there because they want to build a tree nursery for the rare alpine plant species and study the effect of climate change on smaller shrubs and flowers, and Naruto is renown in the field for being able to grow and culture anything no matter how picky the plant is. Sasuke just finished his vet training and is setting up his practice. His family doesn’t really understand why he was hell-bent on specializing in wild and exotic animals and moved to a mountain town where, frankly, there’s just nothing much going on and not much money to make. But honestly, his massive childhood tantrum to get a pet snake should have told them everything they need to know. Then one fateful day Sasuke gets a call. They just catch a strange looking wolf not seen before in the area and they need a vet to check it out. The ground they found the creature on is the University's open-aired tree nursery. Detail:

- Naruto and Sasuke are in their thirties because, you know, it takes time to have the careers they have.

- This is Naruto first long-term job after jumping between postdoc positions, so he had been a bit of a nomad previously. That's part of why he lives in a small apartment and drives a third-handed pick-up truck. His most precious possession is an orchid he helped cultivated and was given by the professor as a gift.

- His ability to grow anything is nicknamed 'The Uzumaki effect.' However, he's terrible with animals. Even a chihuahua would bite him.

- Sasuke, on the other hand, was called a Disney Princess by his brother Itachi because he has the uncanny ability to deal with animals. Some of his vet friends called him 'the Messiah' since he tends to be the only one who is able to deal with their tricky and aggressive patients.

- That was also why he got called to the University to deal with the wolf. They tried to sedated it after they captured it, but the thing just won't go to sleep and tries to bite everyone. Kiba, who's an animal rescuer told them to call Sasuke since they couldn't safely give the wolf anymore sedative without the risk of overdosing and killing it.

- Kiba is married to Hinata, who runs an animal sanctuary. They take in mostly wild and exotic animals and sometimes animals that people should have known better to not keep as pet, like, Kiba's wolf-dog Akamaru who's just a tad too much on the wolf side to be in a family home. Both of them know Sasuke because he's their favourite vet for the animals.

- And so, Naruto and Sasuke meet for the first time on their mission to get the wolf out of the University ground and to Hinata's place so it can recuperate. They instantly click as a team, and Naruto gets pretty excited since this is the first time he deals with animal and doesn't get bitten.

- And Naruto might have developed a crush on Sasuke because he's calm and patient and just super cool in Naruto's eyes.

- Sasuke, on the other hand, has a bit of a headache with Naruto since he gets a little too excited and makes the animal anxious.

- Naruto calls the wolf Kurama and likes to visit him at Hinata's place. They find out later that he's weird looking with strange-colored furs because he's a wolf-dog from an unintentional cross breeding. So they are reluctant to set him free, although he's very aggressive due to never having contact with human before and is at risk of being put down.

- Naruto is so upset by that. He phones up Sasuke to ask if there is anything he can do to help Kurama. Sasuke honestly don't think there's an option because Kurama is too aggressive to be adopted. Even Akamaru is not that bad and pretty much only Kiba or Hinata can handle him.

- But Naruto isn't going to take no for an answer, so he asks Sasuke to teach him how to bond with animals so he can, hopefully, be friends with Kurama and adopt him. Sasuke thinks this is a terrible plan, but he lets Naruto come in to help in his clinic anyway.

- Naruto gets super down when he meets Karin, Sasuke's head nurse and business partner, because he thinks she's Sasuke's girlfriend. Karin laughs like a hyena when she finds out because, no, Sasuke is so gay there isn't a chance in hell that would have happened.

-With Naruto, though...

- Naruto is probably the worst volunteer in the clinic, even with domestic pets and animals. Sasuke and Karin have to spend quite a lot of time to train him to handle animals and to be calm with them so the animals don't freak out.

- After a while, Sasuke thinks Naruto should try fostering, and that is when he discovers that Naruto's apartment is so small it can't handle a chihuahua, let alone a wolfdog. And he tells the blond to buy a house with a yard if he's really serious about keeping Kurama. Worst case scenario, he would need to build a cage out there because Kurama might never be tamed enough to live in a house.

- But student loan? Naruto's really uncomfortable with the idea of getting into a new batch of debt when he's still paying off the old one.

- Karin suggests that Sasuke should rent his basement to Naruto since he just got himself straddled with a mortgage and could use another stream of income to help with that anyway. Also, Sasuke's house has a nice yard.

- Sasuke hopes Naruto would figure out after dealing with a variety of animals that an aggressive wolf-dog is not a good pet to keep and let Kurama go. But nope, Naruto isn't having it. He agrees to moving in to Sasuke's basement so he can start fostering animals, which he thinks is the path to caring for Kurama permanently. He also doesn't quite think of Kurama as pet. He still visits him a lot and helps Hinata with feeding the wolf-dog so they can bond, but he feels like Kurama really is his own person. So a friend?

- Kurama also gets more comfortable with Naruto as the time goes by, but he still doesn't like human.

- As it turns out, Sasuke doesn't really have a basement suite. It's really another floor of the house. So they ended up more like housemates. Naruto needs the kitchen upstairs and Sasuke needs the laundry room downstairs.

- Thank goodness they have separate bathrooms because if Sasuke walks in on Naruto wet and wearing only a towel one more time, he might literally have a heart attack.

- Naruto also helps Sasuke with taking care of animals that sometimes Sasuke brings back from the clinic because they need overnight care.

- Most of the times, the animal is okay and just needs to sleep and be fed. But one time a young kitten dies on Sasuke from an intestinal infection although Sasuke stays with the kitten all night to try and save it. Naruto got to see Sasuke cry then. Naruto would do anything to not have him cry again.

- But, you know, vet's life. Some animals just can't be saved, including a horse Sasuke has to put down because it breaks its legs in a crevasse and there's no way of saving it and letting it have a good life.

- Neither of them is any good when it comes to talking about emotions, so Naruto opts to cooking for Sasuke on those days.

- Naruto's plant collection sprawls out of the basement because the plants need light and the main floor got better sunlight. So now the orchid has a prided place on the sill of Sasuke's large dining room window. Sasuke never tells Naruto this, but he loves that orchid.

- Naruto also grows catnip and likes to sneak it into the clinic for the cat patients. Of course, Sasuke catches him anyway because the cats got high as a kite. ("It's like medical marijuana, Sasuke!")

- Naruto gets along better with animals over time, but he still can't get along with Sasuke's pet snake Orochi. Naruto swears the snake hates him. Mostly he's just jealous that Orochi gets to slither all over Sasuke when the raven is relaxing.

- Karin tells him to just make a move on Sasuke already.

I run out of ideas here because something has to happen to Kurama that helps move the plot forward and bring Naruto and Sasuke closer together, but I can't think of what. Please feel free to add your ideas to the list!

[alia-turin]

More anngst but I promise the angst end is coming. Also some Lunyx feels at the end 

Fic Title: Not Strong Enough Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11,12, 13, 14, 15 Rating [Warnings]: M [mention of body injury] all chapters will have different warnings Pairing: Luche x OC, Nyx x Luna Summary: 3 years have passed since Noctis disappeared and Luche finds himself on the side of unfamiliar road with no recollection how he got there Note: I was listening to Apocalyptica’s Not Strong Enough while writing that hence the title. It’s VERY suitable sing for the fic.

Tagging: @lazarustrashpit @birdsandivory @yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy @jojolosthermojo

“Now you have to come with me to Galahd.” He said stubbornly.

“I don’t have to do anything.” She tried to pull her hand away again. “I really want to go.”

“I cannot just let you go knowing what I know.” Luche said but then his face turned into terror. At first Ada didn’t understand what happened, but then felt it. Sharp pain just below her ribs where her abdomen started. She looked down and saw Glauca’s sword sticking through her.

 She almost jumped from the bed in scream, her hands immediately going on her belly looking for the sword or a wound, but there was nothing. She was breathing heavy, her whole body in panic mode. It was a dream. A strange dream, but a dream and for first time in very long time it wasn’t Luche the one who was killing her in the dream. She tried to remember the dream what had scared her so much but the details escaped her. Cor was there, and Luche, and then Glauca ran his sword right trough her belly.

“Hey, you are okay.” Luche leaned over her and she pulled away by instinct. It wasn’t his fault she was just alerted.

“Where am I?” she looked around trying to figure out what was happening. In her dream she was in Insomnia and it was all well that didn’t look like Insomnia. It was dark.

“The village below the base.” Luche answered and passed her a glass of water. Just now she realized she was thirsty.

“What happened with the base?” last thing she remember was the corpse of Glauca.

Luche couldn’t answer because he was interrupted by a knock and an elderly man walked in. Ada studied the newcomer, he was probably close to sixty, but looked active for his age.

“I see you are awake.” The man walked toward her and grabbed her wrist in his hand checking her pulse while looking at his watch. “You always wake up as if you ran marathon?”

“You always check people’s pulse before you introduce yourself?” Ada asked as Luche had to hold a laugh.

“My name is doctor Tot and I’m the local physician.” He introduced himself with a smile obviously not impressed by her humor.

A doctor? Doctors were rare commodity these days and Ada knew for a fact there wasn’t one on the other island. Even in Lestallum they were rare and had to use them between the different settlements. She started studying the man in silence. He seemed like from the Empire. Did he work for Glauca?

“Can I speak with her alone please?” the man looked at Luche who gave her a concerned look but Ada just nodded. He walked out and now was just the two of them, her and the doctor. “You were fading when they brought you here.” The man said as he got up and filled again her glass with water. “You are also dehydrated so drink.”

“You are not from here.” She looked at him with suspicion. “Did you work for Glauca?”

“For that madman?” the man gave out a fake laugh. “No. Once the Empire fell, the soldiers and other personnel didn’t know what to do. Most started helping the locals, whatever was left of them to defend against demons, but some…the thought the locals to be nothing but cattle, courtesy of Imperial propaganda. Glauca just gave them a chance to live away from the cattle.”

Ada looked at him and didn’t say a thing. She had high hopes for the Imperials to be able to assist them but now not so much. Maybe he was trying to save his skin. She was sure that had crossed everybody’s mind and yet they had allowed him to treat her. Was it due to lack of choice or trust?

“Are you having nightmares?” the man asked.

“Sometimes.” Was her answer

“Sometimes means once a month or once a week?” he walked to his desk and started looking for something, turned around to look at her since her answer was taking some time.

“Between two and five times per week.” She decided to answer honestly. “Everybody does, it’s part of the job.” she added quickly, not wanting to sound as if she was special. Everybody had nightmares.

“Have you lost consciousness before from magic overuse?” he pulled a chair next to her bed and sat there, looking in her eyes.

“Few times. Not recently.” She answered honestly. “First time was back when in Insomnia was standing but was out for couple of minutes. Then there was one time probably two years ago and now.”

“I want you to look at something.” he gave her an old photo album, she hasn’t seen one of these in ages. As she opened it, it looked more like a medical textbook. It was filled with picture of dissected people, organs and various handwritten notes next to them.

“Your handywork?” she looked in disgust.

“Not proud of it.” He took the book from her. “The Empire was experimenting if they can make people use magic the way the King was giving his power to the kingsglaive. They never succeeded, but I managed to learn a lot about how using magic effects the body.”

“It drains you.” Ada said, she knew that she didn’t need sick experiments or degree in medicine to know that.

“It is a bit more complicated than that my dear.” He tried to give her a friendly smile. “The magic burns on the inside. It leaves scars just like these on your skin, but it does it on your organs.” He opened the book on a random page and showed her a kidney that was all covered in scars. “Your skin is the least of your problems. I don’t have the machines or tools to assess how bad it is, but you are alive and I don’t see any symptoms so I can assume you are mostly well. You need to be careful however. Magic itself is dangerous on the human body, using it to the level where you are drained…that’s suicide.”

“I will be more careful.” She said without thinking. Some of the information he was giving her was new, but was she supposed to do? Watch Luche bleed? Let him fight Glauca alone? Leave that one guard to force himself on her? It wasn’t like there was a logical option for her.

“I need some fresh air.” She got off the bed slowly knowing her head would feel dizzy. He doctor didn’t stop her, just watched her walk out of the room.

 Cor made his probably third round around the village. He was blaming himself for what happened at the Imperial base and wanted to make sure that the people here were safe. The village was small and almost in ruins. Glauca’s men have been using it for resources but have given nothing back. Some of the locals had worked at the base hoping to help their relatives but it didn’t work out well. Everybody at the base had died. Everybody but them and handful of civilians, insignificant number compared to what they could have saved.

He saw Ada approaching him and smiled. The girl never ceased to amaze him, she was a fighter despite everything.

“I see you are looking good.” He kept he smile on his lips beside the grim thought that were occupying his brain.

“Turns out even encounter with Glauca is not enough to kill me.” She smiled at him warmly and looked around herself exploring the houses around. “How did we do?”

“Luche is alive.” Cor said as he thought that was her question.

“I know he was there when I woke up. Then the doctor kicked him out.” Ada’s smile faded. “The civilians…”

Cor shook his head. He could see the disappointment in her eyes, it was a good reflection of how he felt himself. He started walking down the road and she followed him in silence for a while until she eventually spoke.

“I had a dream you know. When I was…unconscious.” She started as if mostly talking to fill the silence. “I can’t remember for the life of me what was happening in most of it. I remember you were there. You were kind to me.”

“Am I not kind to you otherwise?” he looked at her confused.

“No, you are. I mean it’s unusual to have you in my dreams. It’s usually nightmares so guess it’s a good thing.” She added with sad smile. “Insomnia was whole again. In fact, we had won the war I think. Ironically Luche didn’t kill me at the end although we were arguing. Glauca ran his sword trough my belly.”

“I guess variety in who kills you is good.” Cor’s soldierly humor didn’t miss its chance.

“Things have been a bit better recently I guess. I’d rather be killed in my dream by Glauca than someone I care about.” She smiled sadly. “He asked me to marry him you know.”

“Bold of him.” Cor had to applaud him for his courage.  Then again that was the natural way people’s relationships went wasn’t it? Then it occurred to him. “Did he do that now?”

“No…it was couple of days ago, before we fixed the power plant.” Ada responded visibly relieved by his reaction.

“That bastard.” Cor could feel anger crawling up his spine. “I told him not to do anything…”

“What did you two again?” Ada stopped walking and looked at him serious.

“The day you saw us fighting. Practicing. We talked before that and we reached to an agreement that it has to be your decision if you want to stay in Galahd or not. I didn’t want you to feel as if he is pushing you and I didn’t want you to make the wrong decision because your view on him is biased. So I told him that he cannot do anything to influence your judgment where you want to be.” Cor explained quickly seeing the anger growing in her eyes.

Ada didn’t respond she just turned around and started walking in opposite direction.

“Where is Luche?” she asked angrily Nyx who was just coming toward them and was taken aback by her anger.

Nyx pointed at the house that the locals had allowed them to use and Ada dashed there. Cor looked at the glaive and just shook his head running after Ada.

He walked in the house after her, Luche and Tredd was there talking.

“Get out.” She told Tredd who seemed as surprised as Nyx was when she shouted at him. “Get out Tredd!”

“Six, is that time of the month for you?” Tredd asked with a giggle and slowly started walking toward the door. “You want chocolate? A tampon?”

“Get. Out.” The way she glared at him made Tredd back a bit faster toward the door, Cor was about to follow him, as much as he wanted to see all that anger pour on Luche, he didn’t want to be in the same room. “Cor, you should stay.”

Cor stood in his place trying not to attract too much attention on him.

“Why did you ask me to marry you?” she asked Luche and Cor was trying his best not to give him a smug smile.

“What?” Luche seemed genuinely confused. “What kind of question is that? Are you serious now?”

“I’m dead serious.” She wasn’t shouting now, but her tone was angry. “Answer the question.”

“Because I love you.” He made an expression as if it was the most obvious thing.

“Nothing to do with Cor saying that it’s up to me if I want to stay here or not and telling you  not to try to manipulate me in a decision?” as she said that Luche looked at him, Cor just shrugged. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes as they say.

“Ada..” Luche made a step towards her but she stepped back. “I did what I did because I wanted to do it, it had nothing to do with the conversation we had.”

Ada was silent for awhile and then laughed.

“You always do that.” She was shaking her head and smiling. “Took me a bit to get the pattern but you always do it.” Luche was looking at her confused. “Every time you want to convince me that you are doing something right which we all know is at the best part in the grey area of right, you react the same way. You will say my name, try to initiate physical contact and then it all gets forgotten. You did that Insomnia remember? We argued I told you I’m not following you into that madness and I’m not going to stand down. Before we started fighting you did the same thing. You said Ada and then stepped toward me trying to pull me in your arms.” She stopped for a second, shaking her head. “You are so good at that. Did you or did you not ask me to marry you because of your conversation with Cor?”

“Yes and no.” he finally admitted, Cor did admire his honestly. “I wanted to ask you. I want to do it, I have been wanting to do it for some time. If things in Insomnia had developed in a different way I was going to ask you then. When Cor said it has to be your decision I got scared. I started wondering what if. I knew you would stay with me, I knew it, but there was maybe one percent of me that was asking what if. I couldn’t leave it to chance, so I did what I did. I wasn’t trying to manipulate you or cheat on our agreement.” The last one he said looking at Cor. “But you know me, I cannot leave things to chance. I had to do something and I did it.”

She was right, he was good. He could get his ass out of anything. Part of Cor admired that quality. He had never been good with words, any sort of words under any circumstances. If he couldn’t sort out a problem with a physical fight in most cases he had no idea how to solve it.

“I need you two to stop.” There was n more anger in her voice, just pain and disappointment. Cor felt bad for telling her what he did. Fuck it, if she is happy with him, what did it matter if he had asked her out of spite toward him, if at the bottom of it he was honest with his feelings? But he had her wellbeing in mind and when he said what he said he thought he was doing the right thing. “I need you two to stop acting as if I’m unable to make a decision about my own life. I do not need protection, I do not need someone to make decisions for me. If you two have been wondering what is best for me, staying in Galahd or in Lestallum why neither of you dickheads came to ask me? When were you planning to add my input to that? Or maybe it wasn’t about me at all, was it? It wasn’t about where I want to be. For you,” she looked at Luche, “It was all about proving to him you had won. Won what exactly?” she turned toward Cor. “And you need to stop trying to protect me from everything. I know you care. I appreciate it, but I will not break, I’m neither damsel in distress, nor fragile. Unlike both of you, I actually managed to get my ass out of Insomnia.”

Cor winced at her last words, technically he wasn’t even in Insomnia, but he got what she meant. It wasn’t that he thought her weak, but he did care and he had lost enough people he cared about to lose her as well either. He didn’t think her weak or incapable, but every time he thought she might be in danger he thought of Regis, Clarus, Noctis…everybody who relied on him and he failed them. He didn’t want to fail her.

Neither of them talked, so Ada eventually walked out, Luche tried to run after her, but Cor stopped him.

“Leave her be.” He said as Luche tried to push him away.

“I need to fix that.” He said stubbornly and Cor placed a hand on his shoulder.

“She doesn’t need you pressing her further right now.” Cor reasoned with him.

 Nyx walked to the shore and found Ada sitting on the beach. Funny, when he came back to Galahd he would find himself on the beach often. He somehow felt drawn to the place not having any logical reason why. Beaches weren’t pretty anymore, it was dark water under dark sky and cold sand. Nothing like before.

“Hey.” He sat next to her on the beach. “You shouldn’t be that far alone.”

“Please don’t you tell me as well what I shouldn’t do.” She gave him a tired smile and he just nodded. “Who sent you?”

“Nah, Tredd told me what happened, he overheard everything. I just wanted to check on you.” Tredd had been very good with the details as usual. “You want to talk?”

“I don’t really know what to talk about.” Ada shrugged. “I just wish Luche could stop being a dick and Cor could stop treating me like fragile doll...and…” she sighed.

“A piece of manly wisdom. You can’t really expect either of them not to try to protect you.” He smiled. “I mean you are half their size, they both at the very least respect you. Fuck if a demon jumps now here I would probably put myself between the demon and you, not because I doubt your abilities but instinct.” He paused for a second thinking carefully what to say next. “You know I was doing the same with Luna for a very long time. Still do it of course. Whenever there is an issue, no matter what sort of issue I would try to shield her and protect her. It’s just natural I love her, but sometimes it was about very stupid stuff. Took me awhile to learn that protection sometimes involves letting the person you love do something dangerous and having the strength to watch.”

“Yeah but you also never tried to manipulate her in doing something for your own benefit did you?” Ada asked him and he didn’t need to wonder who she was speaking about.

“No, you know I am not that sort of person.” He chuckled. “I have done other stupid stuff however. Tried to push her away from me even if I was deeply in love with her. Tried to convince myself I don’t love her. At some point tried to convince her that she doesn’t love me, I’m sure she wanted to kill me at that point. People do stupid stuff when in love, and Luche might be one of the smartest men in the room, but he is no exception to the rule.”

“It was so much simpler in Insomnia.” Ada said after a break. “Maybe it wasn’t, sometimes I wonder if it was better not knowing what was happening. Ignorance is bliss you know.”

“I wouldn’t have met Luna if it wasn’t for that.” Nyx said a bit nostalgic, but he knew what she meant.

“You never know. Life works in mysterious ways. I never thought that Luche asking me to marry him would make me angry, but here we are.” They both laughed at that even if it wasn’t really funny.

“Absolutely not. I mean I would have had to bring her to my apartment in the slums, no. No!” Nyx couldn’t even imagine Luna amongst the mess that used to be his place.

“What are we doing now?” Ada asked changing the topic. Nyx looked at her confused. “Are we staying are we leaving?”

“Oh!” Nyx understood what she meant. “Well, Cor and I talked while you were still unconscious. One of us at least has to stay here to help all these people. They are not big fans of ours because the explosion killed some of the civilians but I don’t think they have the strength to hate us.” Nyx felt bad for them and for what happened but they had no choice, the Imperials were on their asses. “Somebody needs to south. I suggested you go, you know the place and I will come with you I think it creates the least drama.”

“No.” she shook her head. “You have a family that misses you and needs you. You need to go back to them. I will go with Luche.”

“Are you sure?” Nyx asked hoping she wasn’t doing that just for his sake. He was grateful of course, he missed Luna and Sylva more than anything, but didn’t want someone else to be unhappy because of him.

“I’m sure. Luche knows the place better than I do, but I do want to see if anything has left of my parent’s house.” She said with a sad smile.