#Geekenders

[glitchcipher]

I’m strange

[fairlith]

TW: Eating disorders, unaliving ideation, abuse

My experience with fandom:

I just saw this on Instagram, and again the whole Chappell Roan discourse is really making me think of when the Portal musical went viral and derailed my career by making my self-esteem so bad I considered some options too triggering to spell out here.

I was attacked for my singing voice and my acting and my ideas and my writing... unless it involved cute boys. I wrote and directed and designed the cores, but people acted like they just emerged from heaven one day. GLaDOS was my fault and people hated me. Everything else that they liked was somehow separate.

Most of all I was AND STILL AM REGULARLY attacked for my weight. I haven't done more than skim the comments on the Portal musical in years. It's really bad for my mental health. Publicly, I've been like, 'she's a computer, who cares what she weighs, haha' and waved it off, but in reality it gave me a fairly bad problem with binge-eating and stopping auditioning for literally anything. I have not auditioned for one single thing since all that happened. I gave up. My self-confidence is shot. I go to therapy, I've just never gotten enthusiastic about putting myself out there again.

If I used the word 'queer', people invasively demanded I publicly declare if I knew I was using a slur, because they knew I was a straight lady, because I hadn't featured their favourite pairing in the musical. I don't like that pairing. It's not canon. There are no canon pairings in the game. People called me homophobic A LOT.

I have an ex-wife. I am queer as Hell.

I had been in an abusive relationship with my mother, and then with a series of men, so I wrote the show as an allegory about how being abused can make you a broken person who hurts others.

In my story, I worked hard on my mental health. In GLaDOS' story, she isolates herself so she doesn't hurt anybody anymore. Sad.

I was accused of being ableist for not including Doug Rattman in the original production. HE'S DEAD in the game... But rather than keep getting hate mail, I tried to accommodate and put him in the second production.

People started trying to reach me through personal social media if I ignored their nasty/weird messages. So ignoring didn't work. If I responded when tagged in hate, then I was also in the wrong.

Don't get me wrong, plenty of people were nice, but the YouTube comments especially outweighed those voices.

The wild thing was... the Portal musical has MILLIONS of views, and very few of its fans ever supported the company with a donation or buying a cast recording I saved up to make. People stole the ONE DOLLAR cast recording and put it on YouTube. So I was famous enough for people to CONSTANTLY tag me in hate and tell me I was homophobic, that the musical wasn't good, that I'm fat, ugly, can't act, and can't sing... But I wasn't famous enough to make almost any money off it, so it felt like the only way to encourage my career to change in a way that would help me survive off it was to make myself available to people.

The viral success never translated into any sort of monetary value, and eventually I couldn't afford to do weird fandom art for 80 hours a week for waaaay below minimum wage.

I saved up to pay for that musical and paid everyone who participated out of the profits. And again, people were attacking me over a for-fun art project. I don't mean that resentfully, exactly, but Chappell Roan has riches. I had nothing. I gradually retreated from the public eye and tried to post less to YouTube and disabled comments often when I did.

When I complained about how people treated me online, I was accused of playing 'victim'. People bullied me until I deactivated the theatre company's tumblr, then bullied me for doing that, so I deleted it, so someone took it so they could make fun of me on the old url. People tagged me in hate and when I responded, they would make fun of me for that. Someone started a Twitter impersonating me and putting nasty words in my mouth.

People were harassing a person who regularly has 80 bucks or less in chequing as an independent artist as if I was a 'real' famous person with anything else going for me. My resources were VERY limited. The Portal musical had seven performances (including one concert) in two years.

That every single piece of discourse on Chappell Roan hating fame has had TONS of comments about how selfish she is has been actually weirdly/very triggering for me. I know now that giving up on my dream and not trying to push Geekenders or my personal theatre art further was the right call, because, as I am very autistic, I'm very certain I would have hated even a lick of real fame. I sure hated what happened with my silly little fanfic musical.

I don't expect anyone to really see this, but it was nice to write it. The Chappell Roan discourse is triggering. It makes me really sad.

That's all.

...I really need a journaling outlet. Maybe this tumblr'll be that.

[mx-mongoose]

Sorry for all the thespianatics rambling but one more thing-

Wheatley in Act 2 dresses up as Glados and even gets the heel boots but it has his name on them and A CAPE.

Which makes me think- man, we missed some golden opportunities to dress up the geekenders Wheatleys as their Gladoses

[inbarfink]

Appreciation Post for the Outfit Design in the ‘Geekenders’ production of the Rocky Horror Show

Special Shout-Out to....

Making everything about Brad and Janet's mundane pre-Frank's life as Aggressively Grayscale as possible is a pretty cool way to sell that sort of discordant feeling that the movie gets out of setting 'Dammit Janet' in a graveyard. As well as a nod to the fact they are meant to reference classic Horror Protagonists from movies who, for the most part, were in grayscale.

(plus, you know, gray = boring against the more Literally Colorful inhabitants of the Frankenstein's Place, that one feels pretty obvious)

Riff-Raff’s very Classic Horror Villain design. Adds a bit of Interesting Thematic Symbolism to his rivalry with Frank. 

Brad’s little sock-garters are also a cute bit of visual symbolism, showing both how straight-laced he is but also hinting he already had a little bit of… Frank-like transgressiveness already hidden underneath.

Same kinda goes with Janet obviously and… is the shiny bit on her underskirt supposed to be a joke about how “She’s always wet”?

Haha nice!!

This one Phantom.

[rj-masky]

Excuse the crappyness I can do so much better now days but anyways geekenders anyone? I absolutely love their work, especially the portal musical. Bueatiful absolutely

[sylvyspritii]

The Geekenders podcast

The Geekenders is like the ultimate tired millenial podcast, it's very chill Really nice to have something like this after Co-Optional ended But i kinda wish they had a "straight man" (not as in sexuality but as in, like, vibes) again though, Jesse and Dodger both have great chaotic energy but i feel like the vibes need some balance maybe, but to be honest i have no idea who could possibly be a third host, it's hard to fill those shoes

[birchshutter]

JoCat talks games, streaming and more! | The Geekenders Ep 36

JoCat‬  is here with us on this week's episode of The Geekenders Podcast. We talk the issues with Star Wars Outlaws, Cat Quest 3 supremacy and more! Are you ready to geek out this weekend? Join Jesse and Dodger on the Geekenders podcast as they bring you the ultimate dose of geekiness. From their hilarious banter to their in-depth discussions, this is the podcast you've been waiting for. Follow them now and discover why they are the number one geek podcast without a doubt. Subscribe and let the geeking begin!

[anna-neko]

mutuals, we been talking about Portal recently... and Aperture Science desperately needs you to know there is a fan-made musical!!

[kalianos]

"Like if you can't be a freak about it whats the point? Don't match my freak show me yours!" - Amy the Amazonian

"So would Sloppy kisses as a transformer, would that be oil?"

"Oral Lubricant"

"Ooooooooh"

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

THE TOASTER EYES ARE CANON NOW......

[glitchcipher]

Anyone else feel like, a profound sadness when watching portal the musical? Like I love the show to bits don’t get me wrong but at the same time, it’s highly unlikely something like this will ever happen again, the fact that I’ll never be apart of something like that with a bunch of people who care so much about the same media hurts in a way I can’t explain, and yet I still watch it, cause it is my comfort show no matter how much it pains me.

Or is it just me?

[makelcmonade]

.

[mx-mongoose]

Been on a Portal musical high lately so here’s some Geekenders and Thespianatics production art

[randomsufff]

WOAH PORTAL 2 POST???? In 2024? More likely then you think-

Anyways this is just a result of me getting back into Portal, and subsequently reading all the Portal fanfics, and never being able to see the cores as anything other then how the Geekenders musical portrays them…

So sorry blond Aaron/Craig/Fact writers or short Rick truthers but I ignore your reality and substitute my own-

If anyone recognizes what fic these designs are from- I love you (tbh this really started from me seeing if I could draw the cores differently despite them all having identical bodies).

If not- please for the love of god read this - it’s so, so well written and has a great plot, and if Fact Core is your favorite then you are in for a TREAT

Anyways- if the above designs didn’t tip you off on what fic this is then I drew some moments from said fics except with what I was visualizing. If you’ve never read it- have a sneak peak on wtf happens in it.

[huntedspy]

I was insane about this like 6 years ago and I've been listening to it again so:

the portal 2 unauthorized musical is on bandcamp :)

and here's the full musical if no one's seen it before