#Ghost is baby and alive otherwise they wouldn’t do everything they did!!!

[cactusprisms]

screaming at this lore video, THE VESSELS WERE ALIVE!! THEY WERE ALIVE!! DON’T TAKE THE PALE KING AT HIS WORD HES A JACKASS!!! THATS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME!!! HOLLOW FAILED AT CONTAINING THE RADIANCE BECAUSE THEY WERE A PERSON FFS

[idontblushsrry]

SFW Alphabet|| Megumi Fushiguro

A/N: Uhhhh I’m back on my bullshit >:) it’s missing Fushiguro hours folks.

Word Count: 2050

A: Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

(If you want some more in depth affection headcanons click here)

Fushiguro is someone who isn’t big on pda but makes up for it in private. In public, he’ll hold your hand but in private he’s laying i your lap while you massage his scalp. Basically, he’s a big softie that just represses his urge to cuddle until he’s alone with you.

B: Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Best friend Megumi is literally the president of the Y/N defense squad. If anyone has a problem with you, they have a problem with him. Of course, you have to rein him in sometimes and remind him you can fight your own battles, but just know he’s lookin out for you.

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Fushiguro loves to cuddle, but he will repress the urge to do so for as long as possible. Because of that, he doesn’t let you go, preferring to cling to you throughout the night. His cuddles are always deceptively loose too. His arms give you just enough wiggle room but the second you try to get up, it’s like fighting two pythons.

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I don’t think he ever really planned on settling down, Megumi figured that he’d die long before he ever got the chance to settle down. Everyday is pretty much a new experience in terms of domesticity for him, he doesn’t have plans for the future, but as long as you’re with him, he’ll be happy.

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

If he ever had to break up with someone, he’d probably ask for help on how to do so. The first person he’d ask (regrettably) would be Gojo who’d tell Megumi to just ghost the person. After asking around some more, he figured Kugisaki’s approach of getting it over with as bluntly as possible (although less mean) was the best option.

F: Fiance(e) (How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Megumi isn’t really the type for wedding ceremonies. He’s all about commitment (even though working up to marriage for him is longer than most) but he’s not a fan of being the center of attention, so a wedding ceremony/reception wouldn’t be his thing. If you wanted a ceremony, he’d be willing to compromise somewhat but otherwise, he’s perfectly fine with just going to the courthouse.

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s kind of rough around the edges. In private, he can be the sweetest, most tender soul, but in public he’ll put 7 yards of distance between you both if you try to hug him. Basically, he’s very shy, so anything that’ll draw too much attention is a no go (he isn’t opposed to linking pinkies though).

H: Hugs( Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?

At first Megumi really only hugged you when he was missing you, sad, or tired. Over time though, he got better at becoming more open with his affection and he’ll hug you whenever he feels the urge to. Despite that though, his hugs still have an undercurrent of desperation in them. He holds on just as tight each time like he’s afraid you’ll disappear.

I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word)

He’s operating on a very strict ‘If you don’t say it, I won’t’ policy and as such this man will not say a single thing to you unless prompted. He knows deep down that he loves you and that you set off butterflies in his stomach every time you smile, but he never really thought to verbalize that until you say ‘I love you’ first.

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

Megumi doesn’t get jealous, he’s fought side by side with you and he knows you’re more than capable of fending off any unwanted suitors. Megumi put a lot of trust into you by already being in a relationship so to him, it makes no sense to be jealous over you. That all being said, he’s not above the occasional side eye if someone’s getting a little too buddy buddy.

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

On a normal day, his kisses are so natural, he’s so slow and the pressure is just enough to have you thinking you’ve got all the time in the world. In near death/ post-near death circumstances, he’s a little more feral. When he kisses you like that, it feels like it’s the end of the world and he’s trying to make the most of it.

L: Little ones (How are they around children)

Fushiguro isn’t good with kids that aren’t old enough to communicate. Older kids are fine with him, but guessing what a baby needs based on how loud it’s crying? Hard pass for him and he doesn’t even feel bad about it. The last time he had to watch a baby, he tried to leave one of his shikigami to watch it; long  story short, he had to explain to a cackling Gojo why his demon dogs wouldn’t let him leave to go to the bathroom.

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Fushiguro are pretty rare. Most of the time you guys don’t really get to sleep in or even spend mornings together since most of the time there’s missions or trainings you’ll have to go to. When you do get the rare morning off, Fushiguro makes the most of it. He sleeps in and doesn’t wake up before 10 no matter what you try. When he does finally wake up, he loves cooking breakfast with you, he’s not the best cook, but he treasures the experience over anything.

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights with Megumi are also rare as most curses come out at night and that’s kinda your guys’ job. If all goes well though, you’ll both come back a little earlier and just go straight to sleep. If it’s a late night where the curse took more out of either of you than expected, yall usually stay up and talk and snack until one of you falls asleep or the sun comes up.

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It takes him an extremely long time to open up to you about his past. Not because he doesn’t trust you, but because he’s embarrassed and doesn’t want you to think less of him for it (especially during his problem child era). To be honest, you probably find out about certain things from other people. Once he’s cornered confronted, he’ll be completely (albeit a bit grudgingly) honest about it.

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

His anger is kind of weird, whereas before, he was a lot quicker to explode, bluntly telling off or even fighting whoever pissed him off, he’s changed. He tries his best to repress his emotions and as such, he comes off as patient, never expressing his true feelings/desires until pushed to the brink. 

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you?  Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’s the king of remembering details you mention in passing. His love language is partially acts of service so for him, remembering details about you helps him later. Oh remember that one time you needed a pen/pencil but didn’t have one? Never again, this man has a section of his shadows dedicated solely to pencils because of you. Oh what’s that, you like this random song? Guess what just got added to the playlist he made for you. Basically, while he may not look like it, he’s actually a simp and so if he can make your life easier/ make you happy, it’s worth it.

R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

So Megumi is someone who doesn’t play video games but is really good at them for no reason. One day, you’re playing a game of smash bros. and he’s just kicking your ass, like it was sad. Needless to say, after his 4th win, he “accidently” pressed the wrong button and let you win. He thinks you don’t know he did this but when you won, you kissed him and completely flustered him, to the point that he couldn’t play for a solid 5 minutes. 

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they like to be protected?)

Despite knowing and trusting that you can defend yourself, he’s still super protective of you. You’re one of the few people that he cares about in the world and he’d give everything to see you safe and protected. As for how he’d like to be protected, knock some sense into him every once in a while. He has a habit of self sacrificing so if you want to protect him, remind him that you want to keep him alive as much as he wants to keep you alive.

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

On the outside, his dates are very simple. They usually consist of you and him either staying in or just hanging out at stores and the like. Every once in a while, he’ll try to take you somewhere special, like a cove he found or a festival. For most people, these may be simple dates, but Fushiguro puts so much effort into so may aspects of your dates that honestly, anything bigger would lose the personal touch your dates have.

U: Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs? (I’m gonna add arguments here because they aren’t on the prompt list I found))

One of his worst habits is his self-sacrificing tendencies. Even during a baseball game, he can’t help but sacrifice himself (especially if it means his friends/ you get to get the glory). With time though, he grows out of this and realizes it’s not selfish to want the best for yourself.

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s giving “I woke up like this” and it’s... it’s something. One might think the style is intentional since obviously, the look could only be achieved with gel, and to an extent, it is intentional. He might use gel to spike it a little more but the man legit rolls out of bed and chooses to leave his hair up like that.

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

No, as much as he loves you, Fushiguro is an introvert. He needs time to just be by himself and unwind every once in a while, so he’s got no complaints if you leave him to his own devices or have to be gone for a long time.

X: (E)xes (Any previous relationship experience. How does that factor into your current relationship?)

Megumi has negative zero relationship experience. He’s never found someone that was worth the risk/ worth opening up to, hell, he just barely got friends when he entered high school. Because of this, every part of your relationship is like navigating uncharted waters.

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner)

He’s less someone to dislike a specific thing/ personality trait, and more someone who doesn’t like different people for different reasons, ex. Todo and Mai. If he had to pick a single trait, it’d probably have to be hypocriticism.

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

He is someone who will fall asleep spread eagle one night and the next be huddled into a tiny little section of the bed. Mercy on you if you try to cuddle because now you’re wrapped up into his unconscious acrobatic routine.

[in-tua-deep]

Hufflepuff Five is so good! Are the Hargreeves lives as students as adventurous like the main crew from HP? What about the Ministry of Magic? Would they get involved if someone caught wind of the sibling’s powers that weren’t just magic?

Their lives are SO wack honestly like, they just vibe. They just are going through their magical youth being absolute feral children who don’t trust adults as far as they can throw them while trying to hide their weird funky powers and also ravenously going through magical feats like they’re going out of style

Luther is every sibling’s go-to practice partner because apparently durability extends to being like? Slightly magic resistant? Basically if you hit Luther with a spell it will only be like, maybe half power? So the siblings use him as a magical shield half the time and an experiment the other half and Luther just Suffers Through This until it all goes wrong and he ends up as a werewolf, oops

(But at least Ben is alive! Honestly the only reason Luther wasn’t straight up mauled to death was a combo of his durability, Ben’s proficiency in healing magic, and Ben managing to befriend the acromantulas)

(Luther eventually gets a sense of humor about this after long years of working on accepting himself and constantly threatens to bite his siblings or makes comments about them looking extra tasty when they irritate him)

Allison is a quidditch star, super popular and athletic as all hell. She probably ends up being the Slytherin team captain, honestly. Allison is all glamor and charisma and in her later years of hogwarts has an absolute blast. Allison is very much functional passing so she’s usually the front man to get the professors off their backs, but she also is the front man for a lot of the shit that the family sell for extra spending money. Five and Ben might make potions, but Allison rules the underground black market in slytherin with an iron fist (which gets them into shenanigans involving other kids who Owe Debts)

Diego is on the gryffindor quidditch team and so him and Allison are constantly at each other’s throats on the pitch (Allison sometimes rumors him during matches when she gets within earshot which makes all of the siblings yell at him but she maintains that he gets to use his stupid powers to score points so she should get to as well). Diego gets roped into everything because he’s super soft. He starts a lot of fights because he has vigilante genes so he serves a lot of detentions. His house tolerates him losing them points because the man is a wizard with a quaffle

(Diego and Allison actually practice a lot together, which their respective teams are like HMMMM over but they’re siblings and slytherin knows that Allison would never hesitate to knock Diego off his broom and wave cheerily as he falls to his death, and gryffindor is aware that Diego can, should, and must throw a ball directly at Allison’s dumb face if she gets too close to him because of the Cain Instinct)

(Honestly Allison and Diego do a LOT for interhouse unity, showing that you can still be ride or die for each other while also wanting greatly to kill each other uwu)

Ben is too independent for his own good, which is what gets him into trouble. He likes gardening, and he likes herbs, and sometimes he’s just GOTTA go into the forbidden forest on a full moon to gather these very specific ingredients, c’mon. He also just. Likes spending time in the forbidden forest. He’s Hagrid’s favorite student because he doesn’t bat an eye at all the weird magical creatures, bc homeboy got an eldritch horror in his navel. Ben makes friends with the acromantulas (who have a healthy respect for him after the Horror ate a few of them), patiently avoids the centaurs, and bribes the pixies into giving him their shed wings through liberal application of jam stolen from the Hogwarts kitchens. 

You know what Allison is functional passing and Ben is distinguished passing, all their teachers assume that Ben is the most put together of them but they’re WRONG. They haven’t seen Ben at two in the morning yanking Vanya out of ben because if they don’t break into greenhouse four and help those poor fucking plants the first years are tending to they’re all going to DIE and that’s not fair??? ben is single handedly going to save all those poor plants (and all those first year’s grades)

Vanya is just VIBING, he ends up coming out as trans in fourth year and gets to be roommates with Ben which is pretty sweet. If only Ben didn’t drag him into shenanigans?? All the teachers are like “ah yes Vanya, such a quiet boy not like his siblings at all” but Vanya can will should and must climb onto the roof of the astronomy tower to play his violin because He Just Likes To Be Tall. Vanya once punched a snobby ravenclaw kid in the nose and then stared them down saying “the teachers will never believe you.”

Vanya steals Luther to practice his powers with in unused classrooms the most?? he’s durable. he’ll be fine if Vanya blasts him into a wall with his powers lol

Vanya’s solution to all their problems is “do you want me to blow it up with my powers?” or “do you want me to kill them for you?” 

(All of the siblings now refuse to duel with Vanya except for Luther bc Vanya is RUTHLESS. He WILL murder his siblings (almost) given the chance. They’re all so lucky that Ben is so good at healing and carries extra vials of healing potions on his person otherwise Madame Pomfrey would be VERY CONCERNED)

Five and Klaus probably get into the most shenanigans? Klaus gets less and less afraid of ghosts the more he runs into nice ones like Fred Weasley. Fred also lovingly nurtures Klaus’s absolutely terrible sense of humor and encourages him to prank the whole school. Klaus knows ALL the secret passageways thanks to Fred, a previous owner of the Maurauder’s map, so he’s just like. Constantly in the walls. He once dropped out of the ceiling to get to transfiguration in time and nobody even commented on it because Klaus is just Like That.

(A few people see Klaus’s boney elbows and knobbley knees and thinks he’s a good target for bullying just because he’s a slytherin and interhouse awfulness absolutely it at an all time high so recently after the war. YEAH his siblings step in and put the fear of god into any bullies, but Klaus fights like a cornered raccoon.)

Five is just way too smart and curious for his own good. He likes to poke around, figure things out, and also make money. Five does people’s homework, charges them for potions or rune work, tutors, dismantles shit in the chamber of secrets, ALSO explores the secret passageways (and finds some that weren’t on the map), is lovingly bullied into Friendship Activities with his housemates, breaks into the other houses’s common rooms for funsies, and keeps getting fed by the house elves who found out he can ‘apparate’ like them (without a wand) and have apparently adopted him against his will

Five is the sibling who has his fingers in like. ALL the pies. and just constantly pops up and drags them into things. Five will be helping Klaus with potions homework then glance up and tell Diego he’s cashing in the favor he’s owed for carving runes into Diego’s knives and that Diego now gets to break into Douglas Eddington’s room to steal back Lana Delwich’s diary so that Five can trade it to Lana for her rare Solomon Babik chocolate frog card which Five can give to Barnaby Beeson in exchange for a Large Distraction of Five’s Choice and a sketchy book on ward breaking which Five needs so he can break into the headmaster’s office to get a confiscated dark magic book that has some information Five needs to alter a potion that he’s probably going to make Luther drink later

Five is the sibling who is like “Ugh, I thought I was trading for some nundu ingredients but now i have a Whole Baby Nundu in the basement :/”

Which, of course, Klaus wants to keep despite the poison breath.

“This is literally one of the most dangerous magical creatures, we are not keeping it.” Luther says, unimpressed. However, he definitely has it cradled in his arms and makes kissy faces at it when he thinks no one is looking. (Apparently baby toxic nundu breath only makes Luther sneeze, so there’s that?)

“If you guys are arrested for smuggling I am not bailing you out.” Is Allison’s only decree about the matter.

Honestly I wouldn’t be shocked if someone DID eventually find out about one of the siblings’ powers - however, they would come to entirely the wrong conclusion about them?? Because this is a world of MAGIC and so everything magical has to have a magical explanation, right???

Luther is durable as all fuck???? Uhhhhh maybe he has some like. Troll blood or giant blood something back in his family line, obviously not something he would ever want the world to know about bc of species-ism

Allison can make you do whatever you want with her words????? Maybe she’s part veela? With that charm appeal?

Five is doing. Wandless apparation?? I mean, that’s rare as FUCK but wandless magic is,,, grudgingly accepted though it’s usually only used for small or very familiar spells and not usually something as complex as apparation but OKAY just sit him down and forbid him from doing it anymore bc boy boutta be SPLICED or some shit

Klaus can. Klaus can talk to ghosts. Who are not full ghosts. Hmm. huh. Maybe it’s?? A family ability??? a super rare one? like being a metamorphagus? (What the fuck??????? what the FUCK???????)

Primarily the kids started off paranoid because they believed that their abilities indicated that they weren’t the same type of magic, and they didn’t want to be returned to their father, and then it progressed into “these abilities might make people scared of us (looking at you allison, with your imperius-ass abilites)” or “we can’t afford that kind of scrutiny or curiosity about our powers (they might find out luther is a werewolf or something idk)” and “if we are ‘desirable’ children with ‘rare abilities’ the government might try to split us up and adopt us into weird pureblood families or something OR might try to lock us up (like where would they even put Ben??)”

honestly if ben ever got found out he’d just deadpan “it’s a curse, hand me the black wormroot would you?” and be like “oh yeah it’s under control i just go vibe in the woods every so often and rip up a tree or something. I think the horror wants to be the whomping willow when it grows up actually, so just don’t get too close when i’m in the horror zone. if you can live with a murder tree on campus you can live with me on campus”

someone sees vanya fuck something up with his powers and is like ???? and Vanya is just like “accidental magic lol” 

“aren’t you... a bit... old for accidental magic...”

“accidental. magic.”

[blessednereid]

LFLLLL Prologue: Miscommunicated Arguments

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

WC: 4.5k

Taglist: @rogershoe

~

╔═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╗     The Kiss(One Week Later) ╚═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╝ ╭╼|══════════|╾╮    Isaac ╰╼|══════════|╾╯

'I don't.'

Those words rang like a siren in Isaac's head for the rest of the day.

He knew. he had already assured himself of it, but he didn't think it was definite until then. He wasn't sure that it wasn't just him being a pessimist until then.

He showed up at your house the next day, but the words still weighed on him like an anvil.

As he laid in your lap and allowed you to play gently with his hair, he couldn't help but imagine a reality where your feelings were different. Where his feelings were reciprocated.

"Isaac?" He heard a voice call out from above him.

"Yeah."

"Isaac, did I say something wrong?"

He wanted to tell you the truth, but that would require revealing his feelings which he preferred not to do.

"No, I'm just having an off day."

"I don't know. I feel like I did something wrong, and you're walking on eggshells around me…"

He shook his head as you continued. "-And it kind of sucks."

"I promise you, you did nothing wrong."

"Then why do I feel like-" You paused and sighed. After that, Isaac's two lips were met with yours. They moved slowly against Isaac's, and it wasn't like he had imagined it. It was better.

Isaac pulled away. He felt confused, he felt angry, he felt sadness more than happiness. He felt used.

"Y/n, you can't- I- I gotta go." He ran out of the room before he heard anything the young girl said.

He was confused. He had heard you say to both your dad and Stiles that you didn't like him. He pondered on the idea that you could've been lying before deciding against it.

He walked home, transfixed in his thoughts. When he got to his bed, he tried to do his homework that he was assigned that day, but the encounter with you left his head in a whirl.

╭╼|══════════|╾╮      You ╰╼|══════════|╾╯

You laid there on your bed, staring out of your door and waiting for Isaac to come back.

When you'd sat there for 5 minutes, and no one walked through t was when the intrusive thoughts started.

'You blew it,' they said.

'You shouldn't have done that,' they hollered.

'You already knew he didn't like you. Why did you bother?'

You couldn't call Lydia. She was out with a guy. Ironically, she would drop everything to get you out of a rut, but you didn't want to bother her.

You thought of talking to Stiles, but you knew the first thing he would say would be 'I knew it,' or 'I told you so,' which wasn't what you needed at the moment.

You laid on your bed, scrolling through numerous social media feeds on your phone. The movie you and Isaac were watching became background noise in the wind.

You tried calling Isaac to explain what happened, but it went straight to voicemail. Every text you sent him was left on 'Delivered,' and you knew he was ignoring you.

You walked over to Stiles' room and knocked on his door.

"Stiles," you sniffled as you knocked.

He opened the door with a concerned face. "What's wrong, baby sis?"

You chuckled. "I'm the older one, Sti.

You paused for a breath. "Stiles, I messed up."

He squinted in confusion but allowed you to explain.

"I kissed him…"

"Isaac?" You nodded.

"And he didn't like me back." You fell into his arms, and he wrapped a hand around your back and placed the other on your head.

He pulled you into the room to sit on his bed.  

"What do you mean he didn't like you back?"

"He ran out the house, and now he's ignoring me…"

He sighed and clenched his fists.

"Y/n, listen to me. He does like you."

"No, he doesn't," you argued. "If he did, he wouldn't have run out."

He winced with frustration. "He told me himself, he likes you."

You sniffed. "He did?"

"Well… not exactly." You raised your eyebrow. "He didn't say a name."

"You were gonna get my hopes up on a maybe?" you cackled. "Stiles, he probably likes someone else."

"Why would he come to me then?"

Another raised eyebrow from you was what he garnered at that.

"Isaac came to me for advice about a girl he liked. It was obviously you since I'm your brother, and I know you best."

"What did he ask exactly, Stiles?"

He squinted as if to remember before speaking. "Oh, he wanted to know how to get rid of feelings for a girl he liked… oh."

Your face fell at his words. "That doesn't sound like he wanted to like me, Stiles. Which probably means he doesn't like me!"

You started crying, and Stiles wrapped his arms around you. You fell asleep within a few minutes but had no dreams, happy or otherwise.

╔═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╗  School: Confessions ╚═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╝

When you arrived at school the next day, you told Lydia about your issue. However, you didn't tell her (she figured out anyways by Isaac's reaction) that you didn't follow her plan.

"I'm not like you, Lydia. I can't just do things like that without clamming up. And you know what happens when I clam up."

She sighed, and you both walked to class without talking. You had Mrs. Goldblatt first, so you could speak to Isaac when you got in the class.

But, things never go the way you plan, do they?

When you walked in, Isaac was in another seat, three people in front of you, and Madison Zabka was in his place. She clearly was as fond of the swap as you were as she was glancing menacingly at the back of his head with a scowl on her face.

You paused to look at him, and Lydia stopped too before realizing why. He wouldn't meet your eyes, much like when you two were first partnered together.

You didn't want to call attention to him, but you pleaded with your eyes for him to look at you. When, after a minute or two, he hadn't moved his sight, you went to your seat.

You and Lydia made modifications to your class seating arrangements so that you could sit together. Madeline Zabka moved with her sister, and Danny moved to sit next to Isaac so that you could sit with Lydia.

When your teacher walked into the room, she did a once-over of all the students and seating placements.

"Get. In Your. Chairs… NOW!" She said each word with force, which made you all dash to get in your seats. Of course, you all ended up back in the same seatings you self-assigned by making her think you moved.

"I wasn't born last night. You have five seconds to get in your chairs!"

This time, you all got out of your seats and went back to your assigned arrangements.

You tapped on Isaac's arm once. Twice. Three times. He still wouldn't respond to you.

"If you would just talk to me, I could know what I did and apologize."

Isaac remained silent as Mrs. Goldblatt demonstrated the lesson.

When the bell rang, you ran out of the classroom before Isaac could even pack all his stuff and hid in the nearest broom closet.

You waited to see Isaac pass by you in the hall to pull him into the small room.

His eyes met yours for half a second and then darted to the ceiling.

"I'm not letting you leave until you talk to me." He remained silent.

"We've played this game before, Isaac. It's not fun anymore."

You sighed. "Since you won't talk, I will. I really like you. And as much as I tried to keep our friendship the same way, I can't look at you and not want something more."

You now had his attention.

"I don't know what made me kiss you in that specific moment, but I know it's all I've wanted to do for over a week." You thought about what you said before continuing. "Which is not that much of a long time, but to me, it was, so..."

You thought the last part would make him chuckle, but it just seemed to make him even angrier.

"Y/n, I don't know what you thought this 'explanation' would do, but the bell already rang, and I'm late for class. So, can I go, please? Because, last I checked, you can't get me an excuse that my teacher will accept for why I'm late."

You frowned at his words, but he didn't take notice as he pushed past you and into the hallway.

╭╼|══════════|╾╮    Isaac ╰╼|══════════|╾╯

When Isaac reached his classroom, he apologized to his teacher for being tardy and sat next to Dillon.

"Hey, man."

"Dillon, I need a distraction."

Dillon squinted. "A what?"

"A girl that I can hang out with who, 1. Won't end up liking me because 2. I can't end up getting feelings for her," Isaac said, quite plainly as if it was the most normal thing ever.

"That is the most fucked up thing you have ever said to me!"

Isaac sighed. "Look, I just need to get over Y/n."

"What? Didn't you say she kissed you? What happened?"

"I don't know, she pulled me into this closet, and… the shit she said just made me feel like it's all a prank."

"Oh my god, Isaac! How do you know?"

He scoffed. "How do you know, Dillon? How do you know that I'm not going to put my heart out there to that-" He wanted to say goddess but didn't want to come off too strongly. "-to Y/n, and then it ends up being a prank?"

"Whatever, I know this girl. She needs a tutor, and she has a boyfriend so, she won't end up falling for you."

"Good."

╔═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╗       Library(One Week Later) ╚═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╝

╭╼|══════════|╾╮    You ╰╼|══════════|╾╯

You and Lydia were walking down the aisles of the library. You were supposed to find a book with words that you didn't know, write down all of their meanings and write a summary using those words. Though, between Lydia's genius mind and Stiles' spouts of random knowledge at dinner, there weren't many words in a high school library that you and Lydia didn't know.

"Yeah, Lyds, did you hear what Gracie was saying about you?"

"No," she said simply. "And, I don't really care. I do care about you and Isaac, though. You haven't updated me on that."

You rolled your eyes. "That's because there isn't anything to update on."

She pursed her lips. "Of course there is," she said. "As long as you two are alive, there should be something to update on, babe."

"Well, there isn't because he ghosted me." You had been sulking for the past week because of your abandonment. You still hadn't figured out what you did that made Isaac so angry to make him ignore you.

"So, how are you getting over it?"

"I'm not."

She rolled her eyes this time. "Well, I'll get my own info, ‘cause there he is."

"What?"

You and Lydia peered slightly over the hidden protection of the shelf to look at the scene. Isaac was sitting at a table in the library with none other than Gracie Cooper.

"Oh, that dog."

They were giggling, but the books that were splayed across the table made it look like they were studying.

"I'm being… replaced?"

"Technically, he was never yours, babes."

You scoffed. "I mean as a study partner, Lydia!"

"Were you guys really doing much studying?"

"LYDIA!" you exclaimed, and Lydia shushed you before you got caught.

"Move back one aisle and forwards, I wanna hear!"

You did what she said and moved back to the first aisle that they couldn't see you from and closer towards the studying pair.

"Thanks again for helping me, Isaac!"

"It was really no problem, Grace. I needed this about as much as you."

The mousy girl squinted. "To...tutor someone?"

He laughed. "Something like that."

"So have you tutored anyone before?"

"No."

"Wow! You seem so good at this… study partner?"

"Not any I want to talk about."

His statement made you frown, but it completely offended Lydia, even though she wasn't who he was talking about.

"Rude!" she uttered.

"Lyds, let's just get out of here."

"No, I wanna- Oh, shit!"

You turned to where she was looking and saw Gracie and Isaac ‘sucking each other's faces off' as Lydia would put it. Isaac was putting more passion into the kiss than you'd ever seen him give for anything. Your heart shattered but, you weren't going to let it get you down.

"Lydia, know how I said I wasn't getting over it?"

She turned to you and uncrossed her arms. "Yeah."

"Fuck that. Do you have an ex-hookup you can set me up with?"

She gasped. "Y/n, you've never wanted me to do that before!"

"Drastic times call for drastic measures."

"Yay! I have the perfect person for you. But I need to ask. Are you doing this to move on, or are you doing this so that Isaac isn't the only one kissing other people?"  She had a look of sincerity on her face, and you could tell she didn't want you getting hurt.

"Doesn't Gracie have a boyfriend?"

"Yes, but don't avoid the question."

"Maybe both. Lydia, I just need a distraction.

╭╼|══════════|╾╮    Isaac ╰╼|══════════|╾╯

Gracie kissed Isaac, and he didn't know how to process it. All he could think about during the kiss was you, like a do-over. But it wasn't you. It was Gracie. And from that, he knew that he still liked you and couldn't continue to lead the girl on.

"Look, Gracie," he said while watching her face fall.

"I'm really sorry about this, but I'm not interested in relationships at the moment."

She smirked. "Oh, I know. But, Y/n is always the talk of the school no matter what, and everyone knows how she set her eyes on you before realizing you were not worth it-"

"Wait, what?"

"And, how better to show her you're doing fine than to start dating her ‘rival' as she would say."

Isaac frowned. "I don't know."

"C'mon, I know for a fact that she was jealous of that little show you put on."

Isaac decided to play into her game for a little while. "How?"

"The look on her face right now," she leered. "Don't look."

Isaac did as she said and resisted the urge to look, but now he was more aware of the eyes piercing into the back of his head.

He collected himself before continuing. "Gracie, this is… nice of you and all, but don't you have a boyfriend?"

"Expendable," she stated simply.

Isaac began packing up his books. "Thanks, I mean, you're a great girl, but no thanks, sorry."

Isaac wasn't really sorry. He would've felt worse if he'd thought the girl actually liked him, but it was a power play for her, and he didn't like being used.

╔═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╗     Russo's Italian Restaurant ╚═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╝

╭╼|══════════|╾╮    You ╰╼|══════════|╾╯

You were dressed in a maroon velvet strapless dress that reached past your mid-thigh and accentuated your natural assets. You paired it with black wedges that made you just an inch or two taller and a black handbag to finish the look.

Earlier, there had been a debacle with your dad about your outfit, and he told you to go change when your date was already at the front door.

"So, Brett…" He flashed a toothy grin, but you felt out of place.

"What made you want to go out with me?"

"Well, Lydia called and said that you were looking for a date, and I always thought you were pretty," he said while still flashing his grin.

"But, do you even know me?"

"No… but that's the point of a date, right?"

He was right. And it made you realize you were only holding back because you weren't ready to let Isaac go.

"Okay, Mr. Talbot. Entice me. What do you do for fun?"

He chuckled, and you admired his mirth. "Funny, you ask. I play lacrosse for Devenford Prep. In fact, last year… You thought I fouled a kid, and you said," he paused before continuing in a quieter voice. "‘Ref! That was a foul, you freaking cheat!' I've never heard anyone kiddie swear so passionately."

You rolled your eyes. "I did do that, didn't I?"

Once you both calmed down from chuckling, Brett fired away his question.

"So, how did you, a freshman, become captain of the cheerleading team?"

You sighed proudly at the memory. "Lydia and I were sick of the lack of girls' extracurriculars. And, before you say that girls can play lacrosse and guys can do cheer- I know. But I'm talking about sports that are targeted to the feminine demographic."

He chuckled but allowed you to finish.

"So we marched to the Principal's office and asked if he would let us start our own cheerleading club. I talked to my dad, and he put a word in that coaching high school sports teams is a volunteering activity for college credit. So we got a coach from a local gym, and here we are."

He awed at your statement, which made you smile as well. "Anyone ever told you that you have a pretty smile, Brett?"

"Only everyone to ever see it," he smirked.

"Did they tell you that you're a smug ass too?"

You both burst out laughing before a waiter came to get your drinks.

╔═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╗   Stilinski Front Porch ╚═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╝

"Haha! Thanks, Brett. I had a fun time tonight."

He smiled before removing his hand from the small of your back and turning to face you.

"I had fun too."

You both leaned in for a kiss, and while you thought for a second that your dad was going to open the door to interrupt, it ended up being Stiles.

You and your date sighed before saying your goodbyes and leaving you to walk in the house.

"You're welcome."

You scowled. "For what? You ruined my kiss?"

"Okay. A. You don't need a kiss after every date. It's a movie cliche. And, B. I saved you from kissing a guy you don't really want to kiss."

You raised a brow, prompting Stiles to elaborate.

"You want to kiss Isaac. Isaac doesn't want to kiss you. Isaac kisses another girl. You get revenge by going out with Brett Talbot, fully knowing that it'll be all over Cyclones Shade Room by tomorrow," he said while making vomit faces at both of their names.  

"Okay, Okay! You've figured out my master plan, Stiles. Except! I actually like Brett," you protested.

"But not the way you liked Isaac?"

You groaned and tilted your head back. "Stiles, STOP! I just want to move on. Yes, I liked Isaac. But he doesn't like me, and I'm not going to wait for him to start."

You ran up the stairs before Stiles got another word in and crawled in bed. After changing your clothes, of course.

╔═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╗ School: Confrontation ╚═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╝

Stiles dropped you off in front of the school building on Monday before going off to find Scott.

When you walked in, all that anyone was talking about was your date with Brett on Saturday.

'They would be a real power couple,' they said. 'They look so good together,' they murmured. 'I don't know who I'm jealous of,' they whispered.

You tried to ignore all the lingering gazes and hushed words as you walked through the hallway towards your locker that bordered Lydia's.

"Hey, Lyds."

She smirked before turning to you. "Don't look, but Lahey is totally giving you look 5."

You wanted to ask what it was, but she beat you to it. "The jealousy look, babes."

"Oh, I don't care."

Lydia frowned. "What do you mean? I thought this was for revenge."

"No, Lydia. It was for me to move on. And I'm doing that."

"I don't think he wants you to. He's coming over here."

"Well then, I have to be over there," you said before turning to walk towards your first class. Granted, it was with Isaac. However, the first quarter was over, so you and Lydia were free to sit together and away from Isaac.

╭╼|══════════|╾╮    Both ╰╼|══════════|╾╯

Isaac got to class and saw that you weren't in your assigned seat. He looked around and saw you sat with Lydia before he realized you were avoiding him.

He had heard all the rumors about your date with Brett Talbot, and he felt… replaced. Which was weird because he was the one who tried to get rid of his feelings for you, and then ignoring you when you reciprocate those feelings, and then trying to replace you.

He knew he shouldn't be angry about you moving on when he ignored you for over two weeks, but there was something about the entire thing that felt wrong to him.

That should be him with you in that picture. It should be him having dinner with you at Italian restaurants and being constantly reminded by your dad to bring you home on time. He wanted to have that with you. To him, Brett was living Isaac's vivid daydreams, and he was going to do something about it.

Around lunch, Isaac did the most ballsy thing he's ever done. One that he could probably get expelled for.

He went up to the front office and told the attendant that there was a Postmate's order for you at the front office.

The attendant called you to the front office, and while you were awaiting your dad's face, you were met with Isaac's.

You scoffed at the sight before turning around to go back to the cafeteria.

"Y/n, wait!"

You simply clenched your jaw and kept walking.

"Ethan and Sarah!"

You skidded as you stopped, took a breath, and turned around.

"What?"

"Ethan and Sarah. The one who embraces how they feel for the other. And then, there's the one who still is confused about their feelings for the other person.

"But they both have special powers when they're together- Look. I don't know where I was going with that analogy, but I got your attention," he said before walking to you. He grabbed your hands the same way you did to his at the carnival.

"I was an idiot. I am an idiot. I don't know why I did what I did, but I'm sorry-"

You cut him off. "Isaac, you're only saying this now that I'm moving on. Did you just expect me to wait for you to get your shit together?"

"No, but… Seeing that you're actually moving on made me realize I'm not ready to let you go. I don't want to lose you."

"What about what I want?" you scolded. "You basically abandoned me and didn't give me a reason why. And what about Gracie Cooper?"

"I've seen what losing people you love can do to you personally, and since my mom died, I never wanted to put myself in a position where that could happen to me. And Gracie kissed me. I don't like her the way I like you."

You sniffled. "You could've told me that. And even so, if that's the case, why are you here now?"

He gave a small smile before he spoke. "Because I'm in love with you?"

You shook your head and groaned. "You don't get to do this, Isaac. You haven't spoken to me for close to a month. I thought you were my friend-"

"I am!"

"Friends don't do what you did. I kissed you, and you made me feel like I gave you the plague."

He bowed his head. "I wasn't ready to accept my feelings. Especially when you kissed me after I'd just heard you tell your dad that you didn't like me. I thought it was just a big joke."

You closed your eyes firmly to keep from screaming at him.

"I only have two things to say to that.

"1. Did you ever stop to think maybe I wasn't ready to accept it either, and that's why I told my dad that? Did you stop to think that I didn't want to ruin our friendship on a 'maybe,' so I shoved my own feelings aside?"

That sent a pang to Isaac's chest, but you weren't done with your rant.

"2. I shared things with you that I haven't shared with some of my closest friends. I talked to you about my mom. I showed you that my favorite shows to watch are on Disney Channel. I let myself be vulnerable around you. If you think I would kiss you as a joke, you never knew me, Isaac."

He looked down at your conjoined hands. "You didn't pull away. You never do. Unlike me. It's one of the things I love about you. The only thing is, I don't want to pull away anymore, Y/n."

You tilted your head to analyze his expression, and you saw genuine honesty and… fear(?) in his face.

He avoided eye contact with you, but you saw that his eyes were widened, and his pupils were dilated.

"If you break my heart, Lahey...Stiles, Lydia, and I'll each break different limbs on your body." He chuckled at your statement before leaning in towards your face.

You pulled away.

"Too soon?"

"No, not at all," you said before leaning towards him to peck his lips.

"I was just getting the do-over for my first kiss."

His eyes widened in shock. "What? I was-" You nodded.

"I'm so-"

"As I said, break my heart, and I'll hurt you."

He leaned in and kissed you once more before pulling away to walk to the cafeteria.

"Where are you going?"

He grinned. "Lunch, I'm hungry."

"Speaking of, you better buy me lunch since you made me miss half of it."

You both chuckled before walking to the cafeteria.

You told Lydia to explain to Brett that you couldn't continue going out with him, which he understood, and offered to remain friends.

╔═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╗                 Present Day ╚═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:��.*═══╝

You could see why Lydia was mad. You were angry when it happened, and Lydia, who has known you and been there for you for over 7 years, surely would be as well.

She wasn't hating on the fact that you were happy. She was truly happy for you, but she also wanted to protect you. Even if he had made amends, Isaac had hurt you. Lydia had always been the one to stand by you no matter what.

So, you could see why she acted the way that she did. You realized that she felt as though she was being replaced by someone who had hurt you. And while you rushed to defend Isaac, you had been ruining your relationship with your best friend, and you didn't even care at that moment.

You had to make things right. But first, you had to get through this dinner.

~

[stetervault]

Hey, love the blog!!! I was wondering if you had any fics where Talia is terrible to Peter and/or Stiles? I know that's a lot of fics so maybe ones where it's a notable plot point? Thanks!

Here are some I know, with various levels of bad alpha/sister/all-around person!Talia (some have her redeemable, others not so much):

IBDC: Teen Wolf by moonstalker24 --> Pretend to be dating AU Part 1 & Part 2

Peter pretends to be Stiles' boyfriend, which quickly evolves into being his actual boyfriend.

The Sphinx of Beacon Hills by Guede (Stetopher)

Stiles is a sphinx, and he’s winging his way to visit his buddy Scott when a storm drops him in Beacon Hills, the craziest, crankiest, coldest place ever. And somehow, he ends up with a bunch of werewolves.

The Other Husband by Therapeutic_Steter

Tumblr Prompt: You start working with your spouse and everyone thinks you're cheating because they don't know that's your spouse.

Home by Ragga

Don't be like him, they would say, and then add, or else you get burned.

Unable to bear the whispers any longer, This One left. He forsook those who forsook him, left him bear his scars alone, the scars he bore for his herd. It was better to be alone, stay off the currents, than swim with those most undeserving of his loyalty. So mote it be.

That is, until he met That One.

Ink Blossoms by Triangulum

"So, you're going to ruin your niece's baby shower with flowers in the wrong color?" the florist, Stiles, asks when they reach the counter. He pulls out a binder and starts flipping through it.

"Not ruin. Mildly inconvenience," Peter says.

"Right, messing with a hormonal pregnant woman seems like a great plan."

"To be fair, her fiance and the father of her baby is my ex-boyfriend," Peter says. "And we weren't broken up when they started 'dating'."

Stiles looks up at him in surprise. "And you're still getting her flowers?" he asks.

"It's under duress, I assure you," Peter says. He absolutely wouldn't be here if his alpha hadn't ordered it.

"Well, shit, yeah, let's get you some purple revenge flowers," Stiles says.

God Only Knows by katiemorag

Peter still couldn't quite believe he was being made to attend his niece's wedding, reason number one being that her fiancé was Peter's ex, who had cheated on Peter with Laura.

There's also the slight issue of his entire family refusing to believe that his boyfriend, Stiles, actually exists.

You Are so Much Better Than I Ever Knew Before by lavenderlotion

“Oh sweetheart,” Kate cooed, voice sickly sweet and obviously fake. “You didn’t think you were dating...did you?”

Stiles just stood there, still in shock and only coherent enough to shrug his shoulders. “Oh sweetie, that is just too cute. No, Der-Bear here just needed something to keep his cock warm while I was away visiting family.”

what the dust reveals by WindyRein

That one where Stiles and Peter are soulmates and there's spy-assassins and wings and other stuff.

You Just Got Ghosted! by Ragga

“What’s your name, angel?” little Stiles murmured even as his eyes fell closed, quickly losing his battle against sleep.

Stiles smiled. It was a little sad but also heavy with the knowledge that what he was doing was the right thing—heavy with the knowledge he didn’t deserve the moniker bestowed upon him.

“You can call me Mietek.”

Or the one where there's time travel, feels abound, two Stiles in one timeline, and one of them stuck somewhere between the planes of existence. Yet a ghost can still manage to save the day and get the girl. Or the wolf. Manly wolf. Because Peter.

Toothed Morality (Send Me Flowers) by rightsidethru

“The world is a dark place, moje kochanie; it is one filled with monsters, always ready to gobble you whole. Be wary of the promises they give: seal every vow with blood and bone and Name. A True Name, one that will bind them to their word.”

“But how will I know that they’re telling the truth, Matka? Couldn’t they lie…?”

“You’ll know, mały płomień.”

Send Newts by Bunnywest

The first thing Peter notices is that Talia’s smiling, and that in itself makes him suspicious. When he sees that Laura’s smiling too, his distrust intensifies. “What?” he demands? “What is it?” Talia’s smile widens as she serves him a cup of tea, made just how he likes it. “Just wondering if your new husband knows you’re such a curmudgeon in the mornings,” she says sweetly. Peter’s cup clatters against the table and the tea spreads in a puddle, ignored. “My what?” “New husband,” Laura chimes in, and then she’s wrapping her arms around Peter’s neck, and saying, “Thank you, Uncle Peter,” and hugging him tight, and the memory of last night tugs at him again. What happened again, exactly?

The Various Triumphs of Mischief Bilinski by Whispering_Sumire

"Hello, Chris," sings a honeyed voice from behind.

Chris' attention snaps toward the intruder, his gun already out of its' holster and aimed at whoever it is — a boy, apparently, with braided russet hair, a red jacket, and wise eyes. He's wearing a gas mask, but Chris can tell by the way his eyes crinkle around the edges, the way sun-burnt sand swirls in his irises, that he's smiling.

Chris cocks his gun.

"You killed my father," he says.

"No offence, but he totally deserved it," the stranger agrees with cheerful solemnity.

"What the hell are you doing in my home?" Chris demands. The kid is perched on a windowsill in Chris' office, as nonchalantly as if this were something he did every day, as if they were familiar.

"I was just wondering," the kid speaks softly, fond amusement sewn through with a peculiar resignation, "how you'd feel about putting down some nazis?"

[Or: The one where Stiles goes back in time and subsequently fucks with everything.]

The Devil You Know by Triangulum

Hell is busy and Peter is understaffed. There are too many evil people being sent down below and there are only so many demons Peter has to torture them with. He needs to reorganize. They don't utilize group torture nearly as much as they should. Stiles probably has some ideas on that.

Or

Peter is King of Hell, Stiles is his second in command, and Talia summons them for a favor.

Call Me Mary Poppins by Triangulum (Stetopher)

Chris pinches the bridge of his nose and says, "You're telling me you want to fuck the nanny?"

"Don't be ridiculous, it's nothing as stereotypical as that, Christopher. This isn't porn. I want to seduce her," Peter says.

Or

A Stetopher nanny AU that wasn't really asked for.

Follow My Lead by Inell (Peter/Laura/Cora/Derek/Stiles)

Peter can’t quite figure out what’s so appealing about the young agent questioning them about his sister’s murder, but he does know that Agent Stilinski is more than he seems.

The Perceptions of You and I by lavenderlotion

“Baby, why did your secretary ask me if I was here under duress?”

Peter looks at him, blinks slowly, and then tilts his head to the side before asking, “She what?”

“She asked if you were forcing me to be here,” Stiles says, eyes flicking across the room to where said assistant is standing at the punch bowl. “She wanted to know if you were blackmailing me or threatening me.”

“She thinks you’re here under duress because Peter is such a terrifying bastard there’s no way a human Omega would be with him otherwise.”

Rent-a-Date by RebaK1tten

If Peter has to spend Christmas with his family, he's going to have a buffer. Even if he has to get him off a website.

Pissing Off The Straights by Therapeutic_Steter

platypusesrneat asked: Peter's family is alive, rich, and complete assholes. Peter can't stand them and is trying to get out of going to their stupid party. Cue Stiles saving the day!

Prayers to a Lesser God by Green

When the Hales are trapped in a house fire, Peter prays to every deity he's ever read about. Miraculously, one answers his call.

this (let's remember) by sinequanon

Peter has always done his pack's dirty work, but it's not until his sister locks him away in Eichen House that he realizes that he has other priorities.

OR

A Romeo and Juliet type story featuring less suicide and more murder.

Don't Come For His Family by lavenderlotion

In the three years Stiles had been with Peter, the man had only talked about his family a handful of times - and as far as Stiles knew had never once spoken to them. So he wasn’t exactly excited to see the mans family, even though that’s exactly what they were about to do.

It does not go to plan.

Beautiful Like Birds by Whispering_Sumire

"Stiles?" he asks, turning on the light, and Stiles looks at him- eyes wide, a flicker of utter devotion and heartbreaking joy passing his features before his whole face crumples and-

"Daddy?"

John has never seen his son like this, or maybe he has, when Claudia died, but it's different somehow, more, and terrifying because he has no idea why. He's closed half the distance between them before he even has time to think it through, but it doesn't matter because Stiles has bridged the rest and flung himself into John's arms.

He falls apart like that, holding onto John so tightly that it's hard to breathe, but he can't care about that right now because his son is sobbing and chanting "Daddy," desperately into his shoulder.

[Or, the one where Stiles goes back in time to save the world, and surprisingly, survives to tell the tale.]

We Three Can Rule The World by Whispering_Sumire (Steterek)

"Hello," he says softly, setting his fiddle down in his lap, not bothering to stand.

"Hi," Derek replies, half-gruff, then, because he should, "that was- that was beautiful but... you know this is private property, right?"

The boy throws his head back and laughs, and laughs, and laughs. The sound of it is overwhelming in its childish joy, and his eyes positively sparkle when they land on Derek again.

"Yes," he says, unashamed "I knew." Then he's standing, fiddle and bow in one hand, the other stretched out toward Derek, friendly and welcoming, "My name is Stiles."

[Or: The one where there's a fiddler, and two werewolves whose eyes flash blue, and a whole fucking world to conquer.]

The Alpha Thief by Triangulum

Something changes around the time Peter turns thirty. His wolf becomes malcontent and angry. His control, impeccable since he was a child, starts to slip, that inner rage leaking out. Talia's iron clad control over the pack chafes him. He can't explain why, but it feels like his world shifts. Pack members he's grown up with suddenly leave with barely an explanation, without a goodbye. His parents' deaths, something that occurred over five years ago, suddenly feel raw, everything after their passing he remembers feeling stilted and wrong.

Or

What if Malia's existence wasn't the memory Talia took from Peter? And what if memories weren't the only thing she stole?

[iwriteforthetincanman]

Mandoctober Day 9: Darksaber

A/N: OVER 3K BABY!!! This is the longest thing I have written in a hot minute so please give it a read. Thank you @dindjarindiaries​ for motivating me today with ALL of your content. If any of you are lost towards the start of this that’s because Day 8 is part 1! If you have trouble looking for it just use the iwriteforthetincanman writes hashtag on my blog! THANK YOU!!

This is for @leo-moon​ ‘s Mandoctober!

Something was wrong. That was a fact you clung to as you roused from slumber, a headache brewing behind your eyelids. It was like real life had become the dream and sleep, a reality that had slipped away. An echo ghosted through your mind, a feeling that you knew who it was came and went...it sounded so familiar?

It was highly unusual to wake up in pain, unless that's what woke you in the first place. Although you had a sneaking suspicion that you had been in pain since you had passed out too. Then there was the cold...everything else was warm but you could feel the cold on your cheek. 

Beskar.

Din.

“D-Din?” A wheeze left your lips as you reached out to your Riduur. It was like he was asleep himself the way he sat, still as a statue. As soon as he heard your voice, he startled awake, his hands carving through your hair. 

“Cyare...you scared the life out of me, I thought-I thought you were dying.” Realising he was no longer wearing his helmet gave you a weird helmet. It was a rare sight to see the rest of his armor on his person whilst missing the helmet. The only reason he would’ve done that is if he was giving you CPR. 

“I’m okay...I think.” Brows furrowing in frustration, a hint of a thought wove its way through your brain. “I...I think I know why this is happening…” Trailing off, you saw the panicked look in Din’s eyes grow into an inexplicable fear. Were you dying? The thought shocked you into damage control. 

“I’m not dying but...I think someone is trying to kill me.” The accusation itself confused you, but then again you had no idea how right you were. Din’s expressions morphed into so many different emotions, it was difficult to keep track. Without the helmet, he was just a man...to you at least. That didn’t make him any less dangerous. 

“Are-are you sure? It was like you were having an extreme panic attack, or someone was…” Realisation dawned on your lover’s face, all other emotions falling away. It scared you how still he was, fingers no longer stroking your hair. Faintly, you could hear his heartbeat under his armor, otherwise you wouldn’t know what to think. 

“It was like someone was strangling you.” His voice was much deeper now, sinister in a sense. Not to you, you knew he was angry but he was angry with the force that was trying to kill you.

...The Force.

Someone was trying to kill you through the use of the force!

That’s when it hit you.

“...Moff Gideon.” Your face matched your lover’s. You were afraid, apprehensive and yet angry with the events that were occurring around you, to you. 

“Moff Gideon is trying to kill you, without being anywhere near you, using the force. It’s the one thing we can’t fight against.” Din’s grip grew tight around your body, as if he were protecting you just by willing it to happen. Part of the force worked like that, you knew that much about it. 

Right now...you were powerless to stop it. The child could only do so much, but reaching through space? To another person? It was next to the impossible. 

“Din...right now. All I need is you by my side.” Trying your best not to cry again. You knew the inevitable was approaching. All you wanted was for him to be near you, even if it was coming to an end. 

Silently, you watched as Din’s anger broke, revealing how torn up he really was. Tears flooding into those sweetly intense eyes, he refused to let them fall. Scooping you up in his arms, he carried you to your bed.

---

Sleep was also inevitable. Which is why you weren’t surprised to find him there, waiting for you. Like he had never even left. 

“Y/N Y/L/N? Isn’t it?” He smirked to himself, he sat in some sort of throne, legs crossed. He was comfortable. What got on your nerves was how smug he was about it. Glaring into his soul, you restrained yourself. You were in your mind and the force was on his side. If anything, he could easily do more harm to you than you could to him. The whole situation was insanely unfair. 

“Is it even worth answering? You’re in my mind. You could learn anything you wanted about me!” Shouting across the void, angry reverberated back at you. It was like anything you did, reflected on the storm clouds brewing above. Anything Moff Gideon did, had no such effect. 

Glancing around, all you could see was the emptiness. It was like you had stepped into a room with no limits. All you could see was him and that dumb throne, like he had taken control away from you. 

“Looks like I have all the control when it comes to your mind Y/N.” He continued to smile down at you before standing, stepping down from his throne to walk across the void, towards you. Although he was walking at a leisurely pace, the cape that swished behind him highlighted how menacing he truly is. 

“But I’m not here to hurt you. Not this time anyway…” At this, you growled. Confirming everything you and Din had suspected. Chuckling to himself, he continued “I’m here to make a deal with you.” Immediately your anger vanished at this, concern overtaking your whole body as you tensed. There’s only one thing he could possibly want from you…

The baby.

“I will never let you have him.” You were determined to stay strong, but the whimper you let out was pitiful. 

“No? Not even if I turned my control over to your husband? Made him suffer the way you did? Perhaps even kill him? And leave you all alone with the child instead?” Gasping, the clouds above reflected a blue hue. Your true emotions were on full display to the enemy. You were backed into a corner. Either he could kill you and expect Din to break, give him the baby or you could listen to what he has to say and let them both live. 

“...Fine. Please, leave the Mandalorian out of this.” It felt like you were begging, but in reality you knew you would do anything for Din. Even if it meant fighting for a warrior’s death.

“Very well. Next time you land, I will send a ship for you. You will find a way of escaping the Mandalorian...and bring yourself to me.” This proposition surprised you...he didn’t want you to bring the kid?

“Do this...and I will leave your husband and child alone...forever.”

Now why did he have to go and make it an offer you can’t refuse?

---

The unforgiving metal you were resting against made you want to cry. It was nothing like the beskar you were used to. Your body kept reminding you of all the differences between now and then. It was like a backwards game of spot the difference. Except this was much more dangerous. 

Moff Gideon no longer had a grip on your mind. That was only because he was standing in front of you...in person. 

Earlier you had woken to find Din happy that you were still alive. He was apprehensive yet grateful for the next day of life the Maker had gifted to you. You had managed to lie, telling him you felt so much better, before somehow convincing him to land the Razor Crest on a peaceful planet. One where you could get as much sunlight and fresh air as you wanted. 

It was all just a farce. An act. 

It hurt you so much to lie and betray your Riduur. It felt like you were going back on your vows. Throughout it all you reminded yourself, you were doing this for him and the child, to keep them safe for the rest of their lives. 

That all came crashing down when the ship collected you in the middle of that flower field. It stood out violently and you were certain Din had seen it as it came into land. 

This theory confirmed itself as you stepped aboard, turning back to spot your Riduur, the child in his arms as they both just stood there and watched. You could sense the horror behind their eyes as tears fell from yours. Mouthing the words that you were sorry, the doors shut and you flew away. 

It took all the strength you had not to fall onto your knees when you arrived, not in front of that much evil. He had already gotten what he wanted, you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry as well. 

Now, he had you in this complicated contraption that was somehow a mix between a chair and a gurney. The metal, a bitter reminder of what you had given up and in exchange what you had received. 

It had only been a couple of hours, but the torture was relentless. Moff Gideon had put your mind through hell to see how far you could go before you snapped. He had the force, you knew that beforehand, yet you underestimated just how powerful he was. He didn’t want any information, he just wanted you to suffer.

No physical harm had come to you, but it felt like you were close to death. You were so tired and a myriad of dots danced before your eyes as you glanced around the room. It was a cell despite how many buttons and controls were placed on the walls. If Din could see you now you knew he would be horrified, you must’ve looked like a corpse. 

You weren’t dead yet. But you knew you were pretty close.

---

The sounds of a distant battle were the next thing that woke you. For a moment you thought you had finally succumbed to the darkness, all the hurt and pain had collapsed on top of you, forcing you to sleep. But a battle could only mean one of two things, either the rebellion was attacking the Imperial ship or…

Din was here.

Just the thought of your husband made you move to get out of the chair, pain screamed back at you in retaliation. It gave you a clear message, you weren’t going anywhere. 

But if Din was here, here for you and he might die trying to get to you. You sure as hell were going to fight for him. Even if it meant you were only going to see him one last time. 

Imperial soldiers were many things: treacherous, hypocrites and sometimes, if you were lucky, they were very stupid. Which is how you came across your tools stashed in your belt. They weren’t the kind of tools that were visible. No, these were lock picking tools that were hidden on purpose. 

It took a couple of minutes, thankfully no one came in to check on you at that time but finally, you were free. 

---

No guards were stationed outside your cell, which meant they must have been called away towards the fight. Din had been a part of many battles, but aboard an Imperial ship? You couldn’t begin to imagine how severely outnumbered he was. 

Limping down the endless hallways, you followed the sound of the fight. Knowing that at the other end of it was your husband, you only hoped that your limp wouldn’t keep you from a fatal mistake. This whole decision was a mistake, you knew that now. 

It was a trap Moff Gideon had set for you and you only.

Din’s grief was just an added bonus. 

Finally reaching the room of the fight, you discovered that all the soldiers had already been taken out. The only reason for that must’ve been a weapon of immense size and had enough ammo to take on an army. Well, in this case, it kind of did. The Razor Crest was parked at the other end of the hangar.

All that was left was Moff Gideon and Din Djarin in a vicious fist fight. 

...And Din was losing. 

You knew that if you didn’t act now, Din was going to get himself killed and all of this would’ve been for nothing. The only thought you had was that if this was going to happen, you wouldn’t want your mistake to take Din away from you in its wake. 

Limping into the hangar, Moff Gideon didn’t even notice your entrance as he held out a weapon you didn’t recognise. Not until he activated it at least. 

An ominous black blade shot out, made of light and outlined by a white glare. A darksaber.

Only hearing about them in stories from the past, you knew lightsabers were flashy but they were twice as deadly. They could kill you in an instant, cauterising wounds as soon as they were made. Din didn’t stand a chance, even with the beskar. None of his weapons matched the darksaber’s intensity. 

Launching forwards, the both of them clashed as Din used some sort of a shield. Part of the ship, you recognised. The sinister sorcerer retaliated, lashing out with the darksaber searing through the shield. By some miracle it held up. 

“HOW DARE YOU TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME!” The sound of Din screaming out in pain scared you to the point where you thought he was dying, not you. 

“She came of her own free will, Djarin. To protect you!” Sneering down at him, you couldn’t help the strength that returned in the form of pure rage. 

“SHE WANTED TO PROTECT THE CHILD! FROM YOU! YOU-MONSTER!” He was so infinitely angry, he was blind to his actions. You were scared for him. Sprinting back towards Gideon, Mando attempted to bring part of the ship down on his head. It was a stupid act, a rare kind of mistake for the Mandalorian to do. 

Yet, he prevailed. 

In shock, Gideon let go of the saber. With it falling out of his grasp, it clattered to the floor. It was almost like the whole scene was taking place in slow motion before you. 

“I loved her...and you killed her. All for a child?” Din’s voice was broken, if all he did was look up right now, he would see that you were still alive. Broken in places, but alive and right in front of him. 

“I wasn’t after the child...not this time.” Moff Gideon panted in agony, blood gushing from a gash on his head. You could see that much. But now was your time to act, while his guard was down.

Three things happened in the next moment.

Firstly, whilst they were talking, Moff Gideon’s hand moved towards a blade he had hidden away in his robes, fully intending on driving through the space between the bottom of Din’s helmet and his neck. 

Secondly, you felt a deep and complicated feeling overtake you once more, causing you to reach out this time. Not fall to your knees in agony. Now was no longer the time for pain. You were a lion that had been kept in a cage, prodded and poked at. This time you would bare your fangs and lash out at your captors.

Thirdly, as Moff Gideon swiftly got to his feet, running at Din, the Mandalorian stumbled backwards in surprise causing him to trip over debri. 

In the moment he fell over, all he could do was watch as you drove the dark saber through Moff Gideon’s chest.

As you retracted the blade, a wet gargle left the man’s throat as he fell sideways. Revealing your worn and beaten from to your Riduur. 

Despite everything that had just happened, you were so happy to see him. 

Falling to your knees, you collapsed into his chest. 

“It’s over, it’s over. We’re finally safe.”

As you sobbed, you finally slipped away, in the arms of the man you loved.

---

Over a week later you awoke.

“Din?” This time your voice croaked from not using it. Not because you had been screaming in your sleep. 

“Cyare.” Turning to your side, you observed the scene before you.

You were all in a hut, the sound of children playing outside bringing an unexpected amount of normalcy. 

What gave you peace of mind that you were all well and truly safe was the sight right in front of you.

Din was dressed in simple clothes, a tunic and pants, no shoes and no helmet. His hair was freshly washed and had dried in the sun, letting his curls be shown freely to the world. He smiled down at you, immensely grateful you had woken.

As he made his way towards you, you grew aware of the warmth tucked into your side. Looking down you spotted the child curled on top of the blanket and you, fast asleep. 

“You’re awake.” He whispered, crouching down at your bedside. 

“I thank the Maker that I am. I wouldn't have missed this wonderful sight for the universe.” You joked, combing fingers through his hair. That was when you noticed the countless bandages winding up your arm, no, your arms. 

Noticing the light flicker in your eyes, Din explained what had happened.

“You were gravely wounded Cyar'ika. The healers said you were lucky to have pulled through at all.” Moving your hand to his cheek, you looked upon the face of the man you married.

“I’m here now. We’re free. We can...start our lives as a family, together.” Din beamed at this, his pearly teeth on full display as he leant down to kiss you, gingerly at first.

As the kiss deepened, you remembered how long it had really been since the two of you had shared any form of affection. Yet, something else popped up in the back of your mind.

“Din-wait.” Pushing him away, it pained you more than the wounds that littered your body. 

“What is it?” Confusion laced his features as his eyes flickered across yours.

“I think...I think I’m like the child. That was how I killed Moff Gideon...I used the force.” 

As you spoke these words into the air, it disturbed the peace you two had created in just a few short moments. Din Djarin turned his face, his eyes landing on the object that had been resting on a table for the past week, untouched. Sure, you two were free and about to start a new life all together. 

But now was the time you and the child would train.

Two Jedi and a Mandalorian. 

It sounded like the start to a bad joke.

[vinylhazza]

“hear that? im alive. im right here” with e 🥺

(don’t make fun of my edit i’m actually proud of it) 

play ‘Medicine” by The 1975 while reading this. I swear you won’t regret it. 

this is really fluffy 

you could feel yourself getting bad again. you could feel that pricking anxiety slashing through your nerves and thoughts one by one until you looked down to see your own hand trembling with the pressure. you could feel the crashing waves of thoughts you’ve thought to shreds until you’ve overthought them so much you’re convinced you’ve imagined them.

how could you be here? with ethan…a man that’s honestly far too good to be with someone has messed up as you. messed up meaning mentality exhausted. he’s sleeping soundly beside you, breathing even and light - not like your strangled breath that comes out in uneven panicking puffs. it’s an out of body experience, as if you’re looking down at yourself in this lonely frenzy, one where no one is around the help, and you wouldn’t dream of waking ethan up when he looks so peaceful. even if looking at him so calm makes your anxiety worse. you take a moment to think about what he might be dreaming about for the smallest of a smile that has blessed his lips right now…maybe you? the sunset in Hawaii the week you both decided to run away together and not tell anyone? the future? are you in that future? what if he’s dreaming about someone else? you stop yourself short on that one, knowing it’s not fair to make accusations about such a ridiculous topic when you’re in this mindset. 

it happens from time to time - this panicked craze that has you up at all hours of the night while the world sleeps around you, almost mocking you for your silly anxiousness. moments like these are impossible to handle by yourself. most of the time, when you feel this sinking revelation that you won’t be getting any sleep due to the spiraling thoughts, you need a distraction - something your mind refuses to give you. because that would be to easy. it would be too easy to let your thoughts go for a couple hours, cuddle into ethans arms, and go to your safe place for a bit. it would be too easy to get up, make some coffee, maybe watch a movie as a distraction. 

no, instead you’re going to torture yourself like you always do. bury yourself in your thoughts until you can’t breathe and you don’t notice the sun rising over the hills and shining down on your exhausted body that craves for the moment ethan flutters his eyes open and makes you feel better you can’t wait-

“baby…”

you jump at the groggy sound of ethans voice, hoarse and thick. your head shoots to the side to catch his hazel eyes half closed but looking at you intently. the look of concern in his face let’s you know that he understands what’s going on without you having to say it. this isn’t his first ball game on a night like this. he knows it’s not something within your control, that your mind tumbles sometimes, but he’ll always be there to help you get back up. 

“what’s wrong? bad dream?” he goes on after noticing your lack of response. your hand is soon held within his large one tightly, circles being drawn on your wrist with his other as he tries to ground you. that’s always been his thing. he knows that at times like this you feel lost, as if you’re floating somewhere outside of your body, never really attached. he takes his time to gently whisper where you are, how you got there, what time it is, that you’ll be ‘okay’, that you’re safe and he won’t let anything happen to you as long as he has breath in his lungs and a mind that hasn’t failed him. and it does help. it helps more than anything for him to tell you something you already know in a beautiful way…like he wants you to know being here right now with him is where you belong. 

a small shake of your head gives him little information, but enough to let him know you’re in your own thoughts again, another sleepless night filled with worry about things out of your control. he’s been there too, many times, and you were always there as his shoulder to cry on. the support you give each other still blows his mind sometimes. he’s never had anyone that really understood him, of course grayson - but not someone that he’s not binded to with DNA. you…you’re miraculous, something ethereal that he has to keep learning about, forever changing, keeping him working. he loves it. 

he waits patiently for you to tell him what’s bothering you, your head coming up to trace patterns in the little hair that he has now that he shaved his head. it suits him. although you do miss his hair as fluffy and luscious as it was, he can pull this off too. 

“do you ever feel like….maybe you’re not meant to be here? like…you don’t deserve the good things that you have? like maybe…God gave the wrong person someone else’s good fortune?” you finally ponder out loud, scanning his prominent features for what he might think about your irrational thoughts. you never want to be a downer, especially in the middle of the night when the two of you are supposed to be asleep - but to not tell your boyfriend of three years what’s rattling around in your head keeping you awake would be a disservice. 

the look of disbelief tells you that - no - he doesn’t think any of that. 

“God didn’t make a mistake giving you a good life y/n…you deserve good things…what makes you think otherwise?” he mutters calmly, thumb rubbing over the hair by your temple to try and calm your erratic nerves racing through your body about what you might say next. your breathing grows heavier by the minute. 

“it’s just…I don’t feel like im worthy of the things I’ve been given. not when there are so many other people who deserve it more. I just feel…useless. what do I have to offer that someone else can’t? why do I get to…be with you when there are plenty of beautiful women more…suitable to your lifestyle? I just don’t understand why i’m sitting here breathing…” you’re voice is small, a shaky squeeze that reveals your nerves under the surface. the burning in your cheeks is a dead giveaway that it’s embarrassing to look so weak in front of someone so strong, even if you know he’d never judge you. it doesn’t help your overloaded mind. 

“because there is so much you have to offer - so much happiness that you give the world when it doesn’t deserve an ounce of it most of the time. you came into my life and…” he raises to his elbow first, then to his hip to look down at you with so much depth, like the weight of what he’s saying is too unbearable not to tell you. his large, strong hand raises to cup at the side of your face, his pulse resting against the dainty skin of your neck, close enough that you can feel the thumping against your skin, almost hear it humming, “hear that? i’m alive. i’m right here. and you don’t get to decide that you aren’t worth it. you don’t get to decide that you have no value. forgive me for being disgustingly mushy in the middle of the night but…i’m alive because of you. you’ve saved me more times than I could ever count on two hands. from myself, other people, shit that drags me down daily. you did that, y/n. you. yeah grayson of course because he’s not only my brother but my twin but you…have no obligation to love me and yet here you lay…spilling your heart out in some irrational fear that I won’t understand when really I’ve never heard something I relate to more.”

“this life doesn’t make sense and I fear it never will. but that fear goes away when I remember that I have you by my side to figure it out with me. we are a team, and as your boyfriend, teammate, best friend….future husband, I won’t ever let those thoughts take over to the point you can’t bring yourself back to me. you’re too important to be thinking of yourself this way. too special to not see that you’re alive and feeling all of this pressure because you’re meant to achieve greatness and you will - I promise you that. so…stop worrying yourself sleepless my love…it will all fall into place one day - it already is.” 

calm. understood. held. accepted. for once in your spiraling clusterfuck of a life you felt things you felt as if you’d been chasing and would never find, all because this 20 year old boy is looking at you with eyes full of tender wonderment like he can’t grasp why you don’t love yourself. his thumb continuously strokes the skin of your neck, your finger twiddling with the ring on his finger, gazing at him just to give you a bit more time to mewl over a response that could even come close to what he just said. he’s patient - something you’ve never had with a partner before. it’s always been fast and on the go, the complete opposite of the steady trusting pace of the relationship you have now. even if your life consists of jumping through hoops, working, and trying to do everything you can not to be on the hateful side of the media - the relationship you have with ethan always remains steady. 

“thank you for always having the right thing to say…” you begin, kissing at his knuckles lightly, “I know that it’s not the greatest of moments to be having a life crisis and I know I sound like a broken record…but thank you for always being so patient with me when everyone else would have shrugged it off and turned away. I hope all of the things you say are true even if i’m doubtful i’m anymore than a background dancer in everyone else show-”

“never,” he interjects with a chuckle, stopping at your mouth still ajar in mid sentence. 

“-but you never make me feel like i’m anything less than royalty and i’m trying my best to see what you see.” 

leaning in close he gives you a ghost of a kiss, simple and soft, like he’s afraid too much pressure might break you. with a grin you’re bringing him closer with a hand resting on the back of his neck, playing with the little hairs that were recently cut. you can feel in the kiss that he plans to always have it this way for as long as he can, being there for you whenever you need that extra boost of reassurance, and vice versa. 

“but I will say that my princess needs her sleep, I’ve noticed all the naps your taking and although i’m happy you’re getting the sleep whenever you can, it makes me nervous that you’re running on empty all the time,” ethan soothes, laying back down on his side and opening his arms to guide you against his chest, always loving the feeling of your weight on him while he sleeps. you can’t say that you complain about the position, knowing you’ve woken many morning with the biggest smile that ever come on your face because of that very same position. he always has a way of bringing out the happiness in you. 

you oblige to his request, hooking your other leg around his waist and flattening your face down on his chest, noticing that his heartrate his exceptionally more rhythmic than it was moments ago when he was pouring his heart out to you. you like the thumping sound, knowing it will be your bedtime lullaby for many more nights to come almost has you drifting off into that wonderful dreamland you always wish for on nights like this and never receive. but as the moments tick on and you start to replay all the mushy, love filled truths that ethan explained so kindly to you, it takes you only a moment to remember one tiny little detail that had latched on your heart like a lasso. deciding that you wouldn't be able to sleep until you confirm the scene in your memory, you push pride aside and take a deep breathe before sitting up and giving him your best curious smile, tapping at his cheek before you speak. 

“oh and one more thing…did you say future husband?” 

[benevolentsam]

Fine

TW for graphic descriptions of eating disorders

WC: 2000, also on my Ao3

This is how Sam found himself on his knees in a rest stop bathroom in bum fuck nowhere.

His fingers were halfway down his throat and he was retching. He hadn’t eaten anything in the last day and a half, only drinking coffee and energy drinks. Jess might come to him in his sleep again and he didn’t know if he had the heart to face her. Since seeing her on the street, white gown hanging in the wind, Sam couldn’t control his thoughts. Angry thoughts.

You killed her Sammy.

And of course Dean would tell him otherwise, tell him that he’s a good and kind and selfless but he’s not. His mind wouldn’t stop saying awful things to him, so he had to do it.

He was in control of his own body; he was vomiting bile and stomach acid and that was his choice.

“Hey, Sammy, what’s taking so long?” Dean’s rough hands were knocking against the splintering door. If he pushed any harder, it would fall off its hinges and Sam would be exposed in all his bulimic glory. He gave a weak grunt, so Dean knew he was still alive. “We set off in ten, so hurry it up.”

Sam blinked back the tears, swallowed the slime in his mouth and stood. The ground was moving underneath him, he was certain, or maybe it was just him. He spat out the remnants of vomit. There was a bottle of water in the car he could use to wash his mouth out with. Dean would never know.

He sank into passenger seat, taking slow sips from the lukewarm water. A quick side glance from Dean told him he wasn’t as subtle as he thought he was being.

“You okay, Sammy?” Dean said. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Sam since he sat. “You’re looking a lil green.” Sam hummed, but Dean was looking for something else.

“I’m fine, dude, I promise,” Sam smiled shakily. “The whole thing with Bloody Mary freaked me a bit, but I’m fine.”

“If you’re sure.”

The car pulled out of the rest stop parking lot, and Sam let the sound of Dean’s tape fill the air. It was better than Dean knowing.

They left another hunt, the Hookman, and Sam felt okay again.

It had been a week since he’d last made himself sick. There hadn’t been the familiar clawing in his throat, no acid sloshing in his stomach. He was managing with coffee, milk and sugar as well, and one meal a day. His stomach was still angry, growling, but Sam was managing.

They were in the car when the rumble happened. It was early in the morning, checked out of their motel at sunrise, and Sam was starving. The front cab shook as his stomach grumbled, and Dean just gave him a look. Maybe he was worried, Sam could understand. Sleep had been running away from him and Dean. Dean noticed things he’d never let onto.

“You hungry, little brother?”

And Sam wanted so desperately to say no. That this was the best he’d felt in weeks. That he’d finally managed to find a way to make himself feel whole, food and all.

“Yeah.”

“What for? I’ll stop wherever you want, dude.”

They pulled into a diner in the next town they drove through. It was bigger than what they were used to, but the waitress was nice – flirted with Dean – and they served oatmeal as well as grease and meats. So Sam ate oatmeal, strawberry jam, tried not to run to the bathroom and cry.

It wasn’t enough.

When they stopped off at a gas station, Sam offered to pay. He bought as much candy as he could fit in his pockets, Dean oblivious in the front seat. Chubby little Sammy, still with his baby fat and all. The chocolate melted in his pockets while he waited for Dean to look away. Sneaking bites between stop lights and bathroom breaks.

And when they stopped for the night, a no name motel off the highway, Sam was so full of sugar he felt sick. He threw up in shower and hoped to Hell Dean didn’t hear him.

There was something evil inside of him, Sam was sure.

That was the only reason that Sam had for his premunitions. On the way to Lawrence, Sam made Dean stop every few hours so he could make use of the bathrooms. The knees of his jeans were starting to turn dark with dirt every time he knelt over a toilet bowl.

Their first stop, Dean had insisted on them getting food. More than anything, he insisted on Sam getting food because he skipped dinner the night before. They caught the lunch rush at a drive through Burger King. Thank God, because when Sam said he didn’t want fries he could pass it off as not wanting to wait.

When they stopped for the fifth time, Dean started to get suspicious. Sam’s hands were starting to shake every time he got back in the car.

“You know I’m not mad at you,” Dean told him.

“Huh?”

“I’m not mad at you,” Dean repeated, “for having these visions or whatever. I wish you’d've told me but, you’re not bad for having them.”

Lying, Sam, he’s lying. Evil little monster you are.

“Okay.”

“So you can stop going to the bathroom to cry or whatever.”

“I’m not crying,” Sam said fast. Too fast. He coughed. “I’m not, I just feel sick, okay?”

“Not okay, you’ve been feelin’ sick a lot lately,” Dean said. He took one hand off the steering wheel and slapped it on Sam’s forehead. “Are you like sick sick? We’ll stop off at a drugstore and get you some meds.”

“Dean, I’m fine, it’s just the visions, they make me feel nauseous.”

Dean nodded, because he couldn’t dispute it. Lying would keep Dean off of him for a while.

There were dark spots in his vision. Splitting migraines and shaking skin, field of vision narrowing so fast it sent the world spinning.

It should have been a simple salt and burn.

And there Sam was, half collapsed to the floor, stomach lurching at the emptiness. Starvation and sickness went hand in hand, and Christ, Sam was sick.

Dean was still off with him, you hurt him, Sam, of course he hates you, and Sam was clinging to a grave to hold himself up. Simple salt and burn. Sam was pathetic, he knew because Dean could manage just fine, and Sam was staggering along. Body empty and bones weak.

He hadn’t eaten since the asylum. The words he said to his brother were still running around his head. If he ate, maybe he would forget but. He didn’t deserve to forget, or to eat, because he had to be the best brother he could be to Dean. Had to prove himself. Had to-

And when his legs gave up underneath him and when the ground became home, he thought that maybe this is what he deserved. Face down in the dirt, in pain. He deserved it.

Dean caught up with him, eventually, saw Sam collapsed and decided that the ghost did it. Sam was too exhausted to tell the truth. So Dean dragged Sam home, watered him, fed him chicken noodle soup, hoped his little brother would regrow.

Sam had to regrow, didn’t he?

When Dean nearly died in Nebraska, Sam nearly died with him.

Sam should have been there to save him. Sam should never have brought him to the shady faith healer. Sam should have been better. Better, Sam, you can always be better.

The food at the hospital was bland. Easy to wolf down without a second thought. While Dean was holed up in his hospital cot with scratchy sheets, Sam was in the corridor feeding dollar bills to a vending machine. He’d emptied his wallet before he was satisfied with how much junk food he had. Empty calories. There was just enough guilt gnawing at his stomach, that he left a few candy bars on Dean’s bed.

It’s a small condolence when you’re going to die.

Sam spent the next few days hunting a reaper and scraping his insides. Dean, barely healed, was doing everything Sam could and more. Sam was hunched over a porta-potty, fist in mouth. There was only so much he could bring up, slime and chocolate, before he started bringing up blood.

He spat it out and pushed his fingers further down.

And at the next motel they stopped at, there was bloody bile when he brushed his teeth.

Sam wasn’t like Max, he wasn’t. But they had something in common with their powers. Dean would never say anything, but Sam noticed he’d been looking at him differently. And why shouldn’t Dean be scared of his own little brother, the freak.

Sam was leaning on their motel toilet, too weak to carry himself.

Evil Sammy. There’s something so evil inside of you.

Maybe if he broke himself, pulled his insides out of him, he could get rid of it. And so he heaved again, hoping to find whatever black sludge was tainting him.

“Sammy?”

Dean was stood in front of him, blurry, three Deans, vision spinning. But Dean was there and he knew that Sam was evil and that he couldn’t get it all out and. He was babbling, Dean shushed him so gently.

“You got it all, Sammy, there’s nothing left inside ya.”

The grip on Sam’s arm was vice tight and he couldn’t move as Sam pulled him away from the toilet. They were sat on a bed, Sam’s vision coming back to him and he could see how angry Dean was.

“I’m sorry.”

And Dean didn’t say anything for a while, just blinked. If Sam didn’t know him, he might’ve thought Dean was hiding tears. But Winchesters didn’t cry, and that was just another reason Sam felt like he didn’t belong. Not like them, Dad doesn’t want you back-

“Sam, are you listening?” Dean asked, voice hoarse. Sam shook his head clear. “You’re all skin and bones, man. I thought it was Jess but it’s not, is it? Why can’t you just eat something?”

The guidance counsellor at Stanford had asked the same thing. His first-year dorm mate, Jess, that one really nice English teacher. Just eat something they’d ask with desperate eyes. And Sam, so broken, would pretend - eat something that he could purge later, and everybody would be happy again.

“Sammy, say something.”

“I’m sorry, Dean, I can’t,” Sam begged, but Dean looked at him like he answered wrong. “I don’t know how to eat normally anymore.”

“It’s not hard!” Dean was shouting and Sam was flinching and suddenly it was quiet again. “I’ll help you but, man, you gotta help me too. I don’t understand all this anorexia shit, I thought it was a girl thing. How do I fix it?”

“I’m not anorexic, and you can’t fix it. Sometimes I just don’t want to eat.”

“Why though? There's gotta be a reason.”

“I don’t know, it’s just nice to know if I don’t want to do something, I don’t have to do it. Everything’s just bad and this, this feels safe.”

“Listen to me, if anything’s keeping you safe, it’s me. Not your fucked-up brain that thinks eating is bad. Me. If you need control over whatever bad things are happening, I’ve got you, little brother, okay?”

And Sam didn’t want to talk about it anymore, because his stomach was growling and angry again. So, he said okay.

“Awesome, now we’re grabbing food. You can choose where, but you are eating. And I’ll be dammed if I catch you chucking up in a toilet again.”

It would be fine, Sam decided, if Dean knew. He was tired and fucking hungry and things would be fine. Dean was there to hold him if things span too far out that Sam had no control. Even if Dean didn’t understand, he was there and that’s all Sam really needed.

They took off in the impala to a diner downtown, so Sam could finally eat.

[vynnyal]

Throwing random thoughts, headcanons, and a variety of pasta at the wall (but only those having to do with vessels and/or their biology this time): The Thrilling Third Installment™

...aka pretending i can be dark and dramatic jskhdfd

Thk's larger form is not the standard, but the exception. Thk was cited as being "raised and trained to prime form", which people take to mean pk assisted in the vessel's natural growth. However, that conclusion leaves a lot of unanswered questions, most important of which being “then what about Ghost?” In short, I think that train of thought is backwards. Vessels can't grow- they are ageless, and immortal. We know this due to Ghost, despite living as long if not longer than thk, being completely unchanged over the years. The only thing pk trained into "prime form" was thk’s mind and fighting prowess. Their body... well, I think it was mutated. Most likely either directly by pk, or ordered by him- and with the shenanigans happening over in the sanctum, I wouldn't be surprised if Soul was involved, too. In any case, it was in no means natural. Vessels are corpses reanimated by void; neither corpses nor void tend to make drastic changes on their own all that often. Whether pk predicted the vessel’s “issues” and intended to manually “upgrade” them from the beginning, it's hard to say. But... yeah. Unless Ghost goes out of their way to make themselves grow- if its even possible, now that pk is gone- its fairly safe to say, they never will.

...with that in mind, we are promptly gonna ignore that for the rest of this post lmaooo

Grown-up vessels wouldn't look like thk; while they are described as being raised into "prime form"... prime form, to whom? Rather than looking like an idealized pk soldier, it sounds much more fitting that they’d have an entirely different, natural adult form. Consider: their cloaks being longer and fuller, perhaps filling out into something with a more practical use to their “species”. Better yet, they could even grow up to be more beast-like. Feral vessels, YEhaW

The black egg temple is cited as being "built to sustain [vessels]", yet it can't be their lifespan that is sustained. Rather, it seems the egg is specifically designed to keep the radiance from tearing thk apart, physically and/or mentally. Ngl its p obvious, but worth noting.

Sorta-au where Ghost’s shade has 8 eyes, and/or is generally all-around more cryptid-looking.

@ the sharpshadow charm and the strange, 6-eyed creature their shade turns into: kudos to this post, they bring up something super interesting- the creature not only resembles the Shade Lord, but the lord outright becomes it during the Embrace the Void cutscene.

makes me respect the ol’ civilization a whole lot more if a single charm can turn a baby shade into a baby lord.

The concept of finding ghosts unconscious body, laying next to a corpse, while they battle in their dreams. Alt: when ghost enters the dream realm, their shade leaves their shell... And protects their body from harm.

If steel soul mode is taken as canon, just how did ghost and the shade meet? Alt: Ghost may never have “met” it at all, as it technically doesn’t exist in that mode- instead, its more of a metaphor than an actual entity.

What the vessels looked like- or were supposed to look like- before the void. Alt: a story following a child, alive and untouched, that somehow managed to be spared. They could even have a gender. Alt alt: the void intentionally spared them for some purpose, or even out of simple kindness- or at least, something that resembles kindness.

Re: the shade inexplicably having a nail: all the vessel's swords are crafted from “will-bearing rock”- of which i’ve come to lovingly call living stone- and as such, are of void themselves. That's how the shade seems to conjure up its own copy; it merely shapes it, from the ground, using void. And, while more of a stretch, Ghost’s nail being some sort of living stone/pale ore alloy could explain just how Ghost can do seemingly pretty crazy things with an otherwise ordinary nail. Better, while 100% a baseless hc, its material might actually enable Ghost to build it up and modify it to suite their size as they grow older. finally, a logical reason adult Ghost has an adult-sized nail-claymore. hdsfghjfghdsjf

On that same thought: Ghost outright invented the "art" of manipulating- or creating- living stone to make their nail. ...gimme a sec. The other escaped vessels have nails, too, right? Either meaning they also discovered this ability... or that theres some legitimate ground for the “vessel gang” hc. Or, yanno, i’m reading too much into Ari’s sprites but sHHhh

How did all the vessels know to race to the top? They seemed to be falling merely because they had just been born and had literal, actual baby strength; yet not only did they inexplicably risk everything competing to the top, they somehow knew death was waiting if they lost. Alt: pk just, bringing a fucking megaphone and telling them like a sports announcer.

What if Ghost made it, and instead of falling, they managed to joined thk at the lip? What would pk do? Push them off the edge??? Or just adopt them both?? Oh fuck au where they're raised as twin sacrifices. Or worse yet, they’re raised unequally, and one is trained only as an afterthought. As a backup.

Alternatively, pk keeps all the vessels au, only a few years later when they're grown. Pk now has a literal army of pure knights. Radiance is fucked.

Hm. If vessels were fully coherent entities from the moment of birth, why was there a crib in the white palace? Did... did they use it? I have a feeling team cherry made that asset before the abyss scene lmaooo alt: they did, uh, use the crib. Cue a very awkward scene of thk, clearly not a normal baby, staring at wl with like... idk, the poofy baby hat and pacifier. I can’t tell if the image is more funny or more sad rn shdfgfjsdgg

The og notes that inspired this post, in case my rambling makes more sense (and w/o the awful comic hjsfgjsdfhj): Oh oh OH i GET it now. The void is all about "will" and whatnot, right? And shades are "fragments of a lingering will"- will, like the one you leave after your death, but instead of inheritance its the vessels' desires...last regrets.... DAMN team cherry, that symbolism is clever as heck. That took me a while. Kinda funny how a will is, technically, a person's last regrets Like I knew they were last regrets but I didn't understand WHY. Duh, it's because they're literally Made Of Will. They are the vessel's "wills". I'm so stupid.

Ghost, walking thru the abyss, getting increasingly fed up / freaked out, ducking into a crack in the wall. They follow the crack into the Scream Chamber, pause, then exhale in relief that this was EXACTLY what they needed.

Ghost's shade rolling up its void-sleeves like “fuck it, ima defeat thk myself”

Why was thk's sword there? Was its pedestal decayed? Did it fall from their body? Was it place there as an afterthought, or hurriedly? alt: taking thk's sword before freeing them, but doing the mom thing like you're grounding them hdhfjchjch

I can’t believe it just occured to me now, but... as objectivley stupid as the vessel’s test was, Ghost... technically came in second place. What if that whole scene was a metaphor? Because really, it’s just too silly to take seriously. To do so isn’t too far fetched, either; many other elements in the game’s story are better taken as symbolic or metaphorical, anyways. Take the PoP cutscene- while it could’ve been a literal moment, where they just happened to find themselves standing around and took the moment to appreciate each other... imo it makes much more sense to read it as the concept of their faint ~forbidden love~ and parental pride itself. Or, better yet, the scene at the end of the 4th pantheon. Sorry, but I severely doubt that was an actual event. What I’m trying to get at is the significance of “second place” in the cutscene. My brain is too fried to chase down any other possible connections to this theme rn (if thats even what the theme is), but even without proof, the theory smooths out a few interesting tidbits related to just how Ghost could tough it out when all others failed. All except for #1, anyway. Either way I’m just happy to take this as an excuse to pretend that cutscene didn’t literally happen because like, l m a o

The story of a small group of vessels as they work together to escape hallownest. (aka the aforementioned vessel gang hc... im sure theres a more formal name but you get the idea). Its impossible to tell how long it took them to discover that near-invisible hole, the last exit remaining after the king ordered the abyss to be sealed up. Once they did, however, the remaining vessels were quick to make a desperate scramble to escape- only for the entrance to suddenly crumble shut, far, far too soon. The remaining 8 slowly made their way through deepnest, their numbers quickly dwindling as the jouney started to take its toll. The group was nearly wiped out by those terrible, spiney-legged creatures that used their own kinship against them. Only three finally escaped the deep, yet only two made it through the basin- the third, largest sibling, left to fight alone againt a hopeless battle, just to buy the others time. It was in greenpath, so close yet so far to their goal, that the second succumbed to the infection. It was a mercy killing, that nail through the heart. The last, after all of that, finally made their way to the very precipice of howling cliffs, hesitating for just a moment to gaze out upon the still-fresh ruins of hallownest. But only for a moment, before Ghost jumps down to begin their journey beyond this wretched place.

A vessel running from its shade as it tirelessly pursues them, the vessel refusing to put it to rest.

tw: suicide, + personal on main

Ugh ugh ugh ugh Either thk was fully conscious and in terrible pain for all those years... or they couldn’t feel anything at all. The former is horrible, but imagining thk waking up, chained, unable to do anything but wait for Ghost to heed their call? Did they turn their nail on themselves to help Ghost, end the pain, or some awful mix of both? For someone who has personally dealt with close friends and family that struggled with suicide themselves, hollowknight is one of the worst horror stories I've ever seen. And the fact that the story is so personal, so open to interpretation? The fact that each character is so genuine yet vague enough to be read completely differently to someone else’s biases? Its why hollow knight- the game, and the character- will forever be one of the most powerful stories to me.

in short, good LORD THIS GAME IS SO FUCKING SAD

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

Vinca finding out about Yvette x Onyx and struggling with protect baby sister vs protect best friend’s feels.

Written by @an-awkward-ghost

“Yvette, we need to talk.”

At my words, Yvette puts down the magazine she was reading, scowling at me.

“Vinca, if you want to talk about that goddammed movie one more time, I swear I’ll-”

I blink, a bit surprised she immediately assumes that, and grin at her.

“Hah, no. It’s not about that this time.”

Admittedly, I do enjoy annoying Lazareth and Yvette to no end with facts or long discussions about my favorite movie, but that’s not my aim today.

Yvette’s mouth forms a small o in surprise at my reply, and then she nods, her scowl melting away into a beaming smile. “I’m listening.”

“Right, well.” I clear my throat, finding no better way to broach the subject than outright saying it. “You know I respect your privacy, Yvette. And I try not to tune in into your thoughts – not that it matters anyway because you think in French, but still.”

“Don’t worry, I understand.” Her expression grows serious. “So, I assume you heard something in my mind?”

“…Yeah. I keep hearing Onyx’s name.”

Yvette’s breath hitches. She looks like a deer caught in headlight. A dignified deer. It’s an amusing sight.

“…Yes, well.” She coughs, lightly, putting her magazine away. She must know this will be a long talk. “Just… just her name?”

“Dorran’s, too, but it’s usually in an angry tone so I’m not looking too much into that.” I take a seat next to her. “Look, I’m not mad. I’m just wondering why you keep thinking about Onyx so much.” As always, I try to avoid her rapid-fire thoughts, but the urgency behind them makes me pause. “Should I, uh… should I be mad?”

Yvette winces. “I… I wouldn’t be surprised if you do get mad, once I… um.”

I stare at her. “Once you…?”

Yvette frowns. She must have reached the same conclusion I did earlier, about it being better to broach the subject directly, because she takes a deep breath and looks at me in the eye. “Once I tell you I’m dating Onyx.”

My mind blanks.

“What.”

Yvette doesn’t back down. Doesn’t shy away from the confession as if it’s something she should be ashamed about. No, she owns it. Throws her chin up, even.

“I’m dating Onyx.”

And even with how clear she makes the statement, with how serious she is; my mind still won’t process it. I’m half-sure it’s a joke, but Yvette just continues to stare at me, the very definition of confidence. “What.”

Yvette lets out an exasperated sigh. Visibly deflates, slumping in her seat. “Is this your way of telling me we shouldn’t be together?”

“I-” Taking a second to process the situation fully, I clear my throat. Again. It takes another second for my brain to reboot. “Excuse me, I thought you said… No, wait, did you just say you’re dating my sister?”

“Yes, I said that twice.” She sighs, again. “Is it really so unbelievable?”

“In other circumstances, no, of course not, but Yvette, we’re the enemy.” I frown at her. “If the demons find out, we are done for. We’ll never find out what they need her for.” The thought makes me panic. “Are you really willing to risk that?! Everything we’ve worked for so far? The… the way I’m forced to act around her?”

“Of course not. I’m being careful.” Yvette looks at me again. “I’d never put her at risk. And I’d never mess up everything you’ve done so far.”

I let out a low, long groan, burying my face in my hands. “Yvette, I’ve… I’ve had to stab her! I’ve had to watch her suffer and I can’t do anything about it because it’s my fault she’s even suffering in the first place, and you… you are… Oh my God, I can’t believe it.”

“I know. I know I’m acting out of place, but I…” She shakes her head. “Please, trust me with this, Vinca. I know I need to be careful and, again, I’ll never do anything that will put our plan at risk.”

“Funny, you’re doing something that’s endangering it right now.” My head snaps up. “How long?”

Yvette winces. “One… one year.”

“Oh my God.”

I bite down the anger surfacing within me, trying to clear my mind. Yvette and Onyx have been fooling around behind my back… behind everyone’s back, actually, for a year. The most important thing is, though, that nothing bad has happened in the meantime. Yvette isn’t throwing words into the wind.

“You… you are being careful.” I mutter, taking a deep breath. “I… I can see that. I mean, otherwise I’d have found out about this ages ago.” I suck in my breath. “Shit, I would have never found out if not for the mind reading thing.”

Yvette nods, slowly, as if she’s expecting me to impale her alive any second now. “Yes, we are. Nothing will happen on our side, I promise.” She curls in a little into herself, hesitant. “I-I know the circumstances are less than ideal, but…” She clears her throat, mustering her confidence from earlier. “Do you approve?”

I almost want to cry. “The circumstances are anything but ideal!” Once I get that shout out of my chest, I bury my head in my hands again. “…it would be better if you weren’t together while this… this whole demon alliance thing is happening, but yeah, I… I approve.”

Yvette’s jumbled thoughts thin with relief. “And… now that you know…”

I catch the brief mention of ‘shovel talk’ in her thoughts, and groan because that makes this whole thing official. “I know you would never hurt her, you’re okay.” Is this how people feel when their best friend dates their sibling? All gross and squirmy inside? “I’m glad you think in French, I don’t want to know what you’re thinking about my sister.” I shiver with disgust, and Yvette laughs.

“It’s nothing lewd, I promise.”

I raise my head to give her a deadpan look. “If you weren’t Greed, you’d be Lust.”

Yvette rolls her eyes. “Please. I know the importance of control better than anyone. I only think of how I can surprise her, you know? Just dates. Nothing dirty.” Her smile falls. “And… of how I can show her she deserves to be happy. She… she doesn’t seem to believe it.”

I scowl. “Yeah, it’s because of that little piece of shit that was her boyfriend.”

“I gathered as much.”

“Yvette, can I be honest with you?”

“Of course.”

“I’m worried. I mean, I know you would never hurt her and Onyx is too sweet to even do that to you, or anyone, but…” I sigh. “The circumstances may get even worse. Just… just think about it. You’re supposed to be enemies. Demons want Onyx for something and we’re supposed to act like jerks to her to find out what. The troupe hates us.” On that point Yvette huffs, muttering ‘that’s the least of my concerns’ but I ignore her. “There’s also Vuzga-ass out there, somewhere. And we are working with demons. How charming. I just… I’m worried one of you is going to end up hurt. Or worse, both of you. I don’t want that to happen. You’ve both suffered enough.”

Yvette softens. Reaches out a hand to rub circles on my back.

“I’m worried about that, too. Oftentimes the world has shown me happiness is very hard to find and even harder to maintain.” Her expression hardens. “But I’m not going to accept that. Vinca, I know we can get to the bottom of this. I know we can emerge victorious, if we just play our cards right.”

“Of course we will.” I take her hand, squeezing it softly. “I want this to be over. I want to talk with Onyx normally again.” I lean forward, serious. “Which is why you have to promise me you’ll be extra careful from now on. We can’t risk this. We are so close.”

“I promise, Vinca. Thank you.”

[azure-steel]

@mercyxkilling​ said: make our babies kiss if u want to do that meme thang anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️ Send “I WANT THE K” for a random kiss - ACCEPTING (selective) 

> Passionate Kiss~

He’d promised he’d come back to her.  One way - 

                -or another. 

Though as he lays there amongst the fallen, the pain beginning to subside now to an almost pleasant thrum, as the shadows began to creep in, Cloud realises then he wouldn’t be able to make good on that promise. He wonders if she’d ever understand, if she could bring herself to forgive him, in time. Looking up at the sky, does he wonder then if these stars were the same ones Mercy could see... wherever she may be. 

Perhaps those stars could let her know his final thoughts were of her. 

He hopes she’s safe, and he aches to see her again, just to speak with her one more time, to tell her they’d won, even if it was at a great cost, there were no survivors here... to tell her he loved her. But he’s so tired now... 

... so very tired. He’d given his all here today, had screamed into the gaping maw of every horror the Reaper’s wrought and it was time to rest. Maybe they’ll meet again, in another world, in another life. 

Cloud Strife had finally paid his dues, and despite it all, redemption had never tasted sweeter. 

The faint sound of machines ghosted into his head, strange distant noises typical of an infirmary, and the smell; clean, clinical... his eyes crack open, squinting against the harsh lights beaming from overhead. Cloud tries to swallow, his throat raw and impossibly dry, and his breathing was laboured at best, but the pain was welcome. What more proof did he need to know that he was still alive? When all the odds had been stacked against him, when he was so damn sure he’d already taken his last breath, yet again luck had been on his side and here he was recuperating in a hospital bed. 

He’s not sure if he recognises the place, everything is so bright, almost blinding, as his gaze shifts over the edges of his bed towards a bedside table at his shoulder. A glass of water resided there, half filled, glistening in the artificial light and Cloud stares at it for the longest time, just willing that cool liquid into his mouth. He must have sustained some pretty serious damage for his biotics to be failing him now, he figures. 

A soft grunt motivates the muscles in his arm to move, only for him to suddenly be drawn to the intravenous cannular in the back of his hand. The tube leads to a drip feed suspended next to the bed and even Cloud is finding it so very odd to discover himself attracted to such basic equipment. He’s seen it all before, granted hooked up to somebody else, but none of this was anything remotely new. He reaches out for that bag anyway, as though touching it would ground his mind, bring him back into the strange reality that was this very room. 

Confirmation he needed in that moment, that he’d faced certain death - and lived.

It hurts to move, everything hurts, and through the pain he can feel the beading of sweat upon his brow, but before he can reach the bag there’s movement out of the corner of his eye, a muffled whimper to further draw his attention back to the sheets. Cloud feels the breath freeze in lungs at the sight before him now, though this is after it takes him a moment or several to figure out exactly what he was looking at. A body, curled over his knees beneath the crisp cotton, a shock of of dyed red hair cascading over shoulders, and arms folded and supporting an otherwise gorgeous sleeping face. Even if he didn’t recognise the room, he certainly recognised her. 

Mercy. 

He’s unsure what to do in the moment, wondering only briefly how long she’d been sitting here with him, given that he’d no clue just how long he’d been completely out of it. Cloud, instinctually, he reaches for her, fingers weaving into the deceptively soft locks of her hair and he had to admit, the feeling of her stirring against his touch was like something out of a dream. A sensation he was so certain he’d never feel again. The shock of it all was already rising inside of him, a tremor of all the feelings all at once, as her eyes gaze upon him with an excited, albeit emotional, awe.

“Cloud...” was all she said. 

A strange silence settles between them, as though the pair of them are afraid, afraid to shatter whatever this was, that perhaps this wasn’t real and the moment either of them would dare to blink would end the illusion. But he reaches for her again, beckoning her closer with a shaken hand and the desperate pleading lilt to his gaze, and Mercy, dear beautiful Mercy, she didn’t disappoint him. She’s not careful with her motions, but it didn’t matter, again whatever pain he felt was only a reminder that this wasn’t a dream, that he was still alive, and the solid unity of their lips then; there was no finer tell that she was too. 

Betwixt heavy breaths, emotional simpering whimpers, did they kiss so deeply, with her hands cupping his face and his own tangled in her hair it took all he had to pull his mouth from hers, if only to catch his breath before seeking out her tongue once more, to remember the glorious warmth she offered. 

Fuck... how he’d missed it. 

“I’m so sorry...” he tried to tell her, for breaking his promise, for almost dying out in the field, for leaving her when he’d promised he wouldn’t. Mercy’s response being the soft grip of his face between thumb and forefinger. 

“Shut up, you idiot~” she returns between the tears and the celestial light of her smile. 

[purplesurveys]

1154

[created by: joybucket]

What was the last thing you ate? We had adobo for dinner. I didn’t find it filling though, so I might get some of my mom’s bread pudding sometime tonight as a midnight snack.

What is one thing you're a hoarder of? Receipts, for no reason whatsoever other than the frequent nagging feeling at the back of my head telling me I might need to pull out a certain receipt one of these days just in case I get into any issues, so I end up keeping all of them.

Do you collect magazine clippings? No. I used to but they’re all gone now.

What rating do you normally give surveys? I just take them on here. I visit Bzoink pretty often but I never made an account so I haven’t been able to rate the surveys I’ve taken.

Name someone you wish acted the way he/she used to. I wanna say Gab, but she’s better off figuring out who she wants to be and is meant to be for now. Otherwise, I don’t really have an answer to this; all the people I know are pretty dang fantastic.

Have you ever worked in food service? No.

What was your favorite job that you've had? I’ve only had one job, and I definitely can’t complain about it.

Does your stomach hurt currently? Nope. I’m actually on day 2 of my period, but fortunately the pain really ever only takes place on day 1 for me. The rest of my period usually goes smoothly.

What's one medication condition that you have? I don’t have any. I have one medical condition – scoliosis – but I don’t take any medication for it.

Do you forget passwords a lot? LOL yessssss, because websites have varying rules on what they can count as a password – some want 8 characters, some want 12, some want upper case letters, some want a symbol; so even though I use the same password for everything I typically have to make 84954983573475 variations of them anyway that I end up forgetting.

What is the most you've ever weighed? Not sure, maybe a little over 100 lbs.

Do you plan your wedding on Pinterest? No, I never understood how Pinterest worked :/ I lasted all of 5 minutes on there until I felt bored.

Would you want your first child to be a girl or a boy? I’d love a girl.

Who are the cutest babies on Facebook? The Song triplets will always be babies to me, no matter how big they get.

Do you refer to coral as pink, orange, salmon, or coral? Those are four different colors/shades that you’ve just named right there.... < Lmaooooooo same thoughts. I would just call it coral because that’s what it is.

Name someone whom you wish would apologize to you. I have a name in mind and you guys already know who it is. I’m at peace regardless if I get an apology or not (I definitely won’t), though – and I count that as a win. It’s absolutely batshit insane that I never heard one apology but instead got a million “Can’t you give me credit for trying?” I can’t help but chuckle every time I take myself back to those moments. Thankful I got out of there :)

Do you own a record player? I don’t, but I’d love to have one.

Do you have many regrets? No.

Do you wish your regrets would stop coming back to haunt you? I don’t have a lot of them, so I don’t let them bother me to begin with.

Have you had any regrets in the past week? Can’t say I’ve had any.

What do you not know how to say no to? Requests/favors. I’m a people pleaser through and through.

Have you ever been mad at God? Yup, that’s why I let go of religion at a very young age. I was going through shit no kid should’ve been going through and the idea that some deity is making it happen because it was supposed to encourage me have more faith was utterly stupid. I had no problem disowning whatever god I was desperately trying to latch on to by the time I was 10.

If you don't have a car, do you feel like you're missing out? I have a car. I don’t own it, but it was designated for me.

What is your favorite cousin's name? Jereth. I keep forgetting where they got his name from, but it was from like a German movie or something like that.

Who do you wish were your best friend? Hayley Williams.

Would you ever consider moving to L.A.? Never. Just never seemed like my kind of city. Not to mention the amount of Asian/Asian-American hate crimes I’ve been hearing about recently. The US is undeniably out of my list of places I’d want to step foot in, much less live in.

List 5 other names that start with the same letter of your name. Rhiannon, Riley, Rocky, Rachel, and Russell.

Have you ever known anyone who's name started with a "Y"? Yes, I went to college with a girl named Yumi. Yanna is also still a good friend of mine and we catch up every once in a while.

^If yes, what was it? Oops, mentioned them already. There are also a couple more Y people I know but I’m not close to them nor are we in the same social groups, so idk how to classify them. 

Did you hear laurel or yanny? It’s been a while since I let myself get carried away by that ~meme, but I think I heard yanny.

Owls or penguins? Penguins. But owls are great too.

What is your go-to comfort food? Probably something with grease that is fried. < This is an awesome answer. Right now though, I’ve been frequently getting spicy tuna salad every Friday to reward myself after a work week.

What is the best coffee shop in your town? Tim Hortons. < Tim Hortons is greeeeaaaat, but all the branches are in Metro Manila and not at all near me :( That said, my pick would probs be Starbucks. There’s a new local coffee shop where I live called Ghost Coffee and I had been meaning to check it out, but quarantine part two happened.

Do you prefer Pinterest or Tumblr? Tumblr, but then again don’t they have different features and purposes?

Do you think blonde is the best hair color? No.

In your opinion, what is the best hair color? I don’t think that there really is a “best” hair color... < Same. Tbh I’ve noticed that I only ever get attracted to brunettes, but I don’t think that necessarily makes it the best hair color.

If applicable, what is the name of your YouTube channel? I think it’s just my name since my account is linked to my Google.

Do you wear glasses? Yes, but I haven’t worn mine in a while since one of the legs snapped. I’ve been managing well without it, but I plan on getting a new pair soon. At least as soon as I grow the pussy to book an appointment HAHA

What's one nickname you have? Leigh calls me Robs. It’s not my favorite, but Leigh is like a sister to me so she’s the only person permitted to call me such.

What's one thing you miss? Being in crowded places and living in those moments.

Do you have a favorite spot in church? I hate being at a church; but to answer this, my very enthusiastic mom used to always pick the very front and center row for our family to sit at, so you can imagine how glad I am not to have to do this anymore because of Covid :)))

Who was the biggest bully in your high school? Bullies stopped being a thing in high school. All the friend groups just minded their own business for the most part, ours included.

Which news story has still stuck with you years later, and why? Manila hostage crisis. It was really scary and the fact that the entire thing was being streamed live on the evening news at a time when livestreaming was still a fairly unfamiliar concept made it even more unsettling.

Have you ever REALLY had a celebrity crush? On Kristen Stewart and Kate Winslet, yep. These days my eyes are on Kim Seon Ho hahaha, and I also feel a future crush on BTS’ Jungkook coming through.

Did you ever have to wear a school uniform? From preschool to high school. Didn’t have to anymore once I started college.

Do you collect washi tape? No. I neverrrrrrr saw the big deal, but then again I’m probably just not craftsy enough to see the point lmao.

Tell me something random that happened to you today. I took an afternoon nap for the first time in many months, and I woke up feeling completely disheveled and confused about the day and time. It’s been a while since I got that sensation and I did not miss it.

If you're a girl, are you on your period? I am, actually.

Are there any balloons in the room you're in right now? Yeah, the balloons we had set up for my dad for his 50th birthday celebration are surprisingly still alive. We originally had them in our accommodation in Tagaytay, but we brought the balloons home and put them up on the 2nd floor corridor, and they’re still all up there.

Do you have the windows open? I do, because the wind is actually pretty chilly tonight. I’m even wearing a hoodie in freaking April, which never happens.

What's one good name for a new puppy? Depends on their personality. It took hours for us to name Cooper, so it wouldn’t be easy to think of a name for a puppy I’ve never even met.

Would you collect antiques if you were rich? Depends on what kind, but yeah, I might consider it.

Did you dream last night? Yes.

Do you forget dreams or remember them? (or do you not dream?) I remember them in the first few minutes of waking up, but my memories of them gradually fizzle out throughout the day.

What color is your phone? Black.

Do you often have your phone on vibrate? Yes, because I often have meetings and it’s a big nuisance whenever there’s a ringtone that chimes in the middle of one.

Name something that gives you headaches. Working in front of the laptop for too long.

Do you have a secret hiding spot? My car, sometimes.

Have you ever lived in a place that had a secret passageway? Nope.

Did you play with legos as a kid? Yes, but I was never too imaginative for it. I just liked making tall towers and then dismantling them right after.

If applicable, what color is the rim of your bedroom mirror? White.

Can you be scatterbrained? Sure.

[jawusa]

Goldie’s Adventures on the Moon - Day 4

Chapter 4: Pagoda in the Shadows (The Finale)

To my own surprise, I actually enjoyed the past three days on the moon! At first, I was soo looking forward to returning home again, I was complaining about every single thing there and didn't even let anyone cheer me up! Suddenly, it was completely the opposite on the last day? I felt something I never felt. I wasn't even homesick or missed any of my friends at school! I did wonder though how my friends back at school were doing... how my sister Candy was doing. She must have given birth to her baby already... whether it's a girl or a boy? Either way, she hadn't contacted us ever since we arrived here on the moon, but that's what Candy usually does anyway, so this didn't surprise me... not even a little bit! Anyway, yesterday, when I was hanging around in the zen garden, Rhett found an old map which was apparently buried in the frontyard of some old teahouse/or wherever he was spending his time in these days. It looked like a treasure map, but this can't... just... HOWW? It doesn't make any sense, does it make sense? No, it doesn't. Get it! But my father was so keen on that map, so I just had to go along with them! Either way... the map was not even complete! It had some directions... but there were in fragments and there was no info about the exact location. Let alone where to find the treasure at all...? But for some reason, Dad and Rhett were convinced they'd find it once we arrive there anyway!

The map was seemingly leading to nowhere! We left the little colony named Moonbase Apollo (which was the only colony anyway in that area?) I didn't look like there were others... the surrounding area was completely empty, looked sad and deserted... somewhat creepy, too! For a second or two, I thought I'd hear something, but no, there was this absolute silence! Sometimes, I even had the impression, I'd hear my breath... or my blood in the veins. I tried to keep myself calm and tried to pretend that it never happened, I just kept breathing and breathing and breathing... but it never seemed to end! The "treasure hunt" was getting creepy as well! I wondered what this "treasure" is... and where all of this led to? I really began to question everything... even questions like "Are we going to make it out... alive at all?" or "What if this map is just a trap? Who buried it there at all... how did Rhett find that in the first place?" Also, we shouldn't have gone without knowing much about the place! We should have asked the locals around town! Suddenly, we saw some creepy looking rocks and behind these rocks, there was a mysterious pagoda in a dome. The dome looked much like the other buildings downtown. But this one here was different! It was nestled in a tiny crater and it was at a quite high altitude (compared to the other places)... between the rocks, we could even spot the colony - Moonbase Apollo from the distance. This remote place was creepy indeed! I couldn't even tell whether this was a forgotten/abandoned house once... or whether some sinister organisation constructed this thing here on purpose... to spy the people around the colony, which might be a thing, since the area was covered with those large rocks!

Anyway... we entered the dome and were dazed by what we saw! There was such a dense garden and bamboo forest... with an old bridge and all... the pond surface was all filled with waterlilies everywhere! It didn't look well-tended at all! No, much the opposite! There were weeds everywhere! The water was full of algae; the air around there felt rather humid and wild! Whoever belonged this garden to, they either did a lousy job at gardening... or they deceased a long time ago and nobody even noticed! Well, I hoped it was the first theory, because I didn't want to believe in the other one. I was really NOT interesting in seeing any ghosts! 

When we had a quick look around and there... there was this shrine thingy again! I and Rhett tossed a coin once and it brought us both luck! So, Dad wanted to toss a coin as well. I wanted to warn him though, because... that shrine looked way different than the ones I and Rhett had used. Something about the shrine was odd, it didn't look cute or promising at all... this one here looked rather creepy! But Dad had the strong impression, he'd find the treasure in there... so, he tossed a coin! 

I remember this eerie red-ish smoke which was emitted right away when he tossed the coin into this devilish shrine. All of sudden, he got a whole swarm of... 

Moon-bees? (or how should we cal them?) chasing him! As if this wasn't enough, I heard eerie sounds from above! There... I knew it! THIS PLACE WAS HAUNTED! THERE'S A GHOST UPSTAIRS!!!! Rhett tried to calm me down and he'd say things like "Yeah, you've watched way too many of those stupid soap operas on TV..." and all... which, ehh? I didn't anyway? And they're everything but stupid! HIS... whatever he's watching on TV shows are stupid! Sheesh! 

Poor Dad, though! I really felt sorry for him and was also scared of what's coming next! I remember seeing this one Horror movie where the Goths would go on vacation and then be trapped by aliens in this creepy tomb! I just KNEW the same would happen to us, too! Since... you know, we ARE on the moon and there were many, MANY aliens wandering around here! I didn't want to follow Rhett, I really didn't! But I couldn't have let him go on his own, too! He insisted on going upstairs to see what's going on... and I just couldn't leave him behind, could I? Either way... I had goosebumps all over my body! This clearly wasn't it!

"Hey, check this out! You can see all the gorgeous ladies from here above!" "Rhett!! Stop being a jerk, this is serious! I'm scared and look what you're doing!" "I think, you're exaggerating Goldie..." "DIDN'T YOU SEE THOSE MOON-BEES ARISING OUT OF NOWHERE??!!" "There were so many plants down there, I bet Dad just upset the bees, that's all! There's no supernatural things going on here.. this's just a place where you can stalk... ahem, just look at other sims... who are uhmm.. good looking!" "Whatever... but I could have sworn, I've heard noises from above!" "Why don't you then go explore yourself? I just don't want to be involved with this thing... count me out, really!" 

Rhett was being sooo annoying again, but I noticed some hidden stairs behind the benches while arguing with him... so I went there to have a closer look! I felt... the presence! I thought there was a ghost there on the top! I could feel my heart pounding like CRAZY!! I've never been this scared in my whole life! I was like "WHYY is this place considered as a treasure then? If it just brings misfortune and all...?" Well, the garden was kinda beautiful, so that's the treasure? Naah, that'd be stupid! The garden only looks good NOW because it grew throughout all these years! I bet it was pretty boring when that stupid treasure was buried somewhere over here! Though, when I finally dared to go upstairs, I saw this old man hanging around here? He wasn't an alien... so, he didn't look as if he were from here... or was he? Anyway, I should have been scared, but I was not! Not even a little bit! Or was he also a victim of some alien traps? Just like us? OMG! What if he's gone through the same as we did? Wait, no, this can't be the case! Otherwise, we wouldn't have been able to find the map? If he was here before... so, he must be someone who already knew how to get to this place... without the aid of a secret map! Or was the map which Rhett's found his map? Anyway, I tried to greet him, just in the way how Q's taught me! This old man indeed looked like someone who could help us!

"Good evening, sir! I'm.." "Hmmmm..." "I'm..." "Hmmm..." "Goldie Hart... I and my family were here on..." "Hmmm..." "Vacation and we'd like to ask you for help? If you could help us, please?" "Hmmm...." Well, he was being very weird FOR SURE!!! I felt ridiculously uncomfortable standing next to him! He wouldn't even answer any of my questions... or whatever! He didn't even notice I was there? Maybe that's why! I thought, maybe the smell of good tea would literally wake him up? 

"Maybe, I misjudged you! I first thought you have traveled far but not seem to be knowing!" "What are you talking about, sir? I just asked you for help and you didn't reply!" "Hmm..." "Oh, NOOO!! Please, do not start with that again! Just, drink your tea, sir!" Thankfully, I didn't have to stay alone with him all the time! Dad and Rhett got aware of the smell and came to join us! 

"So, she's her daughter?" "Yeah, Goldie's my daughter! I also have another daughter named Candy, but she couldn't travel along with us." "I know." "Uhmm, OK, so... why do you ask me then when you actually know my daughters?" "I just do." That conversation and was MORE THAN CREEPY! I don't think I've ever seen such an awkward looking sim who also behaves soo awkward? So, yeah... apparently, he lives there in that creepy pagoda in the shadows! But still, that day was SOO weird! I was tired because of the long walk; I was upset because nobody took me seriously; I was bored because I couldn't use the internet at all; I was hungry because this old man didn't even offer food to us? We were his "guests" and he NOTICED that we had a long journey behind us and that we might possibly be hungry? But he didn't even offer us anything at all... he only offered us to sit downstairs to talk a bit more in his patio... I guess we were all just being polite to him. Lol! But that day really wasn't being it! 

For some reason, he'd always stare at me and sit next to me when we'd be chatting... one more reason why I found him weird? It wasn't even enough to say "he was weird" because he was literally beyond that! We kept on talking on his patio for such a long time, our stomachs growled and he'd still not be offering or let us just go? OMG, and when the sun was setting and he was right by my side...! ... OK, OK, we got it! I won't be writing a diary entry full of complaints! At some point, he suddenly stood up and said: "You seem to possess the charm and panache necessary to bear The Legend!" "Uhmm, OK? I'm sorry to sound rude, but you won't give us any food? Because we're leaving!" "You'll be awared with the biggest treasure in your life!" So, we thought, he'd finish telling this stupid legend and then, he'd serve us some food! So, we could get away from here and especially from HIM! We had to listen to him... unfortunately! 

"... and that was The Legend! The treasure is yours now! Keep it well and farewell!" *vanishes in air "Hey, you can't treat us like that! Come back here you fool! You can't leave us behind like this? We listened to your stupid story and you wouldn't even do us a favour in return?!" Dad was really upset... so was I and Rhett. But we decided to just leave that place, we stole grabbed enough fruits from his garden and just went back to the suite! It was already very late in the night... almost early thing in the morning when we arrived there! We'd have to leave soon anyway, so we just packed out stuff! While this wasn't the greatest day in Moonbase Apollo, I've learned a lot from my journey during these days and overall, I still think that this vacation was a great success! The shuttle's just arrived and it was time to say goodbye to Moonbase Apollo! I'll miss this superb place! But thankfully, I got the phone numbers of both; Qiu and Hua, so, I can still keep in touch with them back in Widespot! I'm really excited to show them my hometown one day, too! I'm sure they'd love it, wouldn't they?

The End.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Hurt, pt. 7 (E.D.)

Summary: While Ethan is working to fix himself, Y/N seems to be moving on.

Warnings: ANGST, swearing, talk of depression 

Word Count: 2200

Hurt - Series Masterlist

Ethan sat in the same chair for what's probably the fortieth time if not more. His mind is much clearer, his heart a little heavier. It's been six weeks since he checked himself in an institution, aware there are two more weeks of his inpatient treatment left. It's taking him a little longer to respond to his medication, but he doesn't really care at this point. He's better. He feels like he's gotten pieces of his old self back.

Depression is the unseen, unheard, silent killer. It's the pain that's too much to cope with, too hard to deal with and so misunderstood. People try, but they can't escape it because it follows them around like a black shadow that's on the inside, eating away at all they’ve once loved.

Ethan finally feels as if the shadow had lessened, like he can finally breathe. He’s not healed just yet, but it’s tremendous progress.

“What about Y/N? What if she doesn’t forgive you?” Doctor Abbot asks, purposefully pushing his buttons now. She had never coddled him, but Y/N was a touchy subject he’d usually talk about on his own and she rarely ever pushed him to open up about it. Until now.

He looked up as if he had been dunked by ice-cold water, his eyes widening as if he hadn’t thought about that possibility. But he has. It’s all he’s been thinking about. It’s the worst-case scenario and he didn’t quite know how to handle it.

“I, uh…I’d accept it. Not like I have the right to hound her for anything. I’d ask to be a part of their life…I’d want to know my children. I’d want to be their dad.” Ethan looks down at his hand, at the empty place where his ring used to reside. He’s still reaching for it blindly, hoping to feel the platinum ring, to twist it around when he’s nervous or missing her. He wished he could have it.

When Ethan removed his wedding ring, he had stashed it deep inside his sock drawer. He would take it out at night, holding it in the palm of his hand as if it would bite. He’d let his eyes wander over the inscription infinity times infinity like it’s his saving grace. He never knew why he kept it, not when he was the cause behind their split, but he knew now. It was his way of keeping her close. It was a rope for him to reach out for when he felt like he’d fall from the edge he was hanging from. It was his last hope.

“And if she met someone else? Remarried?” Doctor Abbot’s words had unnerved him to the point of scratching his ring finger, the thought nauseating, corroding his insides.

“I…I don’t know, okay? It would kill me, but I’d still be alive…the worst kind of death. I don’t think I can love anyone after her, you know? Like, she was it. She was it for me. The one in the million, my soulmate, the love of my life, everything. There’s no one that could compare. I realized that when I broke things off with Bianca. If she couldn’t get my mind off Y/N, no one can.” Ethan sighed deeply, lifting his hands to his face. Hiding his face in the palms of his hands, Ethan leaned his elbows on his knees. Allowing his hands to move into his hair, Ethan tried to collect himself.

“Do you have any anger towards Y/N because of that?”

The question hit a mark, one he didn’t even know existed. Deep in his heart, Ethan had a small reserve for feelings he still hid. Those feelings were the ones he was ashamed of, desperately hating them for existing.

Resuming his sitting position, he placed his hands on the armrests. He faced his psychiatrist with a dark look in his eyes.

“I’m not sure if I’d call it anger. I’d say I resent her obliviousness. I was there. I was falling apart right before her eyes and she never saw it. She didn’t notice anything, questioned anything. It feels like she didn’t care. I resent her letting me fall when I needed to hold onto her. When it was pouring, I was left in the rain while she walked away under the safety on her umbrella. That’s how I feel. And then I remember just how hard I worked to cover my emotions, to seem as I was. How can I blame her for being fooled by me when I fooled myself as well?” Chuckling in disbelief, he ran a hand through his hair.

“And yet I still resent that fact. Or the fact she might not forgive me. Or the fact she might remarry. I am so…so fucking bitter about how everything went down and even more so about it being my fault. I want to go back in time and knock some sense into me, but it’s too late for that. I’m left in so much shit that I can hardly claw my way to the top and it wasn’t even me who fucked up…Not really. It was me, but it was a darker version of me who wanted to burn the world to the ground. I wouldn’t even blink if everything went up in flames.” Rubbing his chin, Ethan sighed. He knew admitting this, speaking up about it, it was all a step forward from the man he was.

After all, he promised Y/N to find himself again. He has every intention on keeping that promise.

**

“Why are you up? And getting dressed?” Clara spoke in hushed tones knowingly. She was aware of the insanity of her husband and his ability to drive Y/N crazy. The imminent threat of a miscarriage had passed and Y/N’s medication was enough to stop it from progressing. The babies were doing great, but the mother was withering.

Y/N felt absolutely suffocated by Grayson and his need to act like her mother, father, grandparents, doctor and prison warden. She needed to get out of bed without him grabbing her in his arms and carrying her around as if that was enough. Hell, he tried to take her to the bathroom too! It’s safe to say Y/N had been in desperate need to go out for some fresh air and just be a woman. She needed to talk to someone other than the kids who seemed to tell on her whenever she was out of bed – something Grayson probably bribed them to do. She needed to be out an about. It was healthy to take a few shorter walks and she swore she’d take them today.

“I have a…coffee date…sort to speak.” She smiled, speaking just as quietly as Clara. She knew Clara would understand. She had been supportive this entire time and that’s exactly what Y/N needed. Unfortunately, neither of them knew of Ethan’s current whereabouts.

Y/N had begun thinking he had moved to Australia to avoid her. She was ready to talk in a civilized manner without lawyers at their sides. She was ready to find a compromise for their kids’ sake. And he was nowhere to be found. That angered her. It made her angrier that she couldn’t really hold onto the anger. She missed him far too much. She needed him in this state, even if he was a lying asshole she used to want to push under a speeding car.

She had stopped imagining all the ways she’d kill him now. She had taken it a notch down, so she imagined herself punching him instead. He was to be the father of her children after all.

“Well, Grayson said he had someone to meet and acted all cryptically before he left. I’d say it’s safe to go, but the kids will call him if they spot you. I’ll have to create a distraction.” Clara giggled and Y/N followed. She absolutely couldn’t stop herself from laughing because Clara had a laugh that was always funnier than the joke.

Managing to get out, Y/N had taken her car out to the city. She had a particular destination in mind, one that meant she’d run into someone she probably shouldn’t start anything with.

‘BUT HIS EYES ARE SO BLUEEE’, she’d think a moment after which would draw a smile out on her face. She hadn’t felt such attraction to anyone since she met Ethan. Her mind felt calm for the first time in a long time, her heart…not so much. But she wanted to ignore the annoying muscle in her chest for it fooled her more than once. Her brain felt like a safer option and her brain wanted to see someone other than Ethan today and she had committed herself to the mission.

And it worked like a charm.

“Y/N?” She heard his voice call out and it took every ounce of self-control not to mess up and act like she’s genuinely surprised meeting him there.

“Doctor Henstridge!” She turned around, reminding herself to smile politely instead of lustfully, stepping closer to him. He had sat there in a pair of dress pants and a blue dress shirt that brought out the color of his eyes. He looked delicious and she had to stop and swallow, hard, otherwise he’d her drool and that’s not a pretty sight.

“Are you – are you actually drooling on me?” Ethan chuckled in disbelief, wondering if this is real life. He went all out – ordering a nice dinner, buying her chocolates and watching a romantic movie. Little did he know his beautiful fiancé had fallen asleep on his chest fifteen minutes into the movie.

She opened her eyes once the vibrations of his chest reached her. She was absolutely mortified over the dark mark on his yellow shirt. It was clear she had fallen asleep with her mouth open, drooling all over him like she tried to create her very own ocean.

Wiping her mouth, she had shaken her head. What does one say when they drool on someone? She didn’t know.

“I mean, I know I’m sexy, but daaamn.” Ethan teased, making her roll her eyes at him before hitting him with a pillow.

“That was so not funny. And my drool is so not sexy.” She covered her face in shame, trying to hide herself from his amused eyes that wanted nothing more than to remember the moment for as long as he lived.

Reaching out, Ethan grasped her elbows. Pulling her closer, he left a kiss atop her head. His embrace is tight, warm and secure. He felt like a comfort blanket and his scent only contributed to that feeling.

“You silly woman. I’d find anything you do sexy. I don’t give a shit if you drool on me. I love you regardless.”

She nearly laughed at the insanity of her mind right now. Even when she’s standing in front of an incredibly attractive man, her mind goes to Ethan. It’s like a virus, a disease she can’t uproot from her system. He’s not even there and yet he is - like a ghost...a ghost of her past. But he’s not just that. Ethan will always be a part of her life - ghost of her past, present and future.

As for the drool...well…to some it may be a pretty sight but she wasn’t ready to risk it with doctor hottie.

“Please sit.” Henstridge stood up. Pulling out her chair, he allowed her to join him for a lunch break. Technically he wasn’t really her doctor anymore for he had called someone more experienced to take over the case. He was still a consultant, but he wasn’t the one leading her medical chart. He allowed himself this freedom of inviting her to sit at his table. It wasn’t a crime to be polite now, was it?

“And it’s Edward. No need to be so formal.” He smiled and she felt her heart flutter. It’s been so long since she felt her heart flutter that she couldn’t help but smile. This man was the epitome of handsome, intelligent, charming and chivalrous. And she wanted him.

The annoying voice reminding her of Ethan had returned almost instantly, but she pushed it aside.

“Alright then.”

They talked for the next hour. It wasn’t hard to find common topics to discuss and she found him to be a great conversationalist. She found him to be witty and open, very opinionated but accepting of her contradicting opinions. He challenged her and in the best way possible. She wasn’t just a future divorcee nor the woman carrying triplets of a man who seemed to have vanished from the face of the earth. She felt like a human being again. As a desirable woman who could still very much charm any man if she put in even a little effort. It did wonders for her mood and confidence and she knew she wanted to see him again even before he had to leave for his night shift.

She sat at the table a little longer, enjoying her second milkshake of the day as she stared through the window at the busy street. She wore a faint smile upon her lips, unaware of trouble coming closer.

“Y/N?” She turned at the sound of her name, not expecting to find herself facing someone she never wanted to see again.

“Bianca?”

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[idyllicstarker]

Their baby • Starker

Warnings: Stillborn death (death of a baby), graphic description of self harm (cutting), majpr character suicide, not a happy ending - I’m going to say graphic, although I don’t think it’s that bad just because I don’t want to end up triggering someone, and so I’m going to cover myself.

“Peter..”

The familiar voice rang out through the house - concerned and fearful, as the man called out for his husband. Rather than finding Peter’s small body curled up on the couch where he’d left him, he was met with a small dip in the material, and the fading heat of his presence left to sit alone. 

Tony. Peter recognised the voice, and yet couldn’t attach himself to the gentle huskiness of it, far too detached from reality. Far too sunk in his own head to pull himself out so easily. 

Legs tucked underneath him, back against the wall, he closed his eyes tight. A single stray tear began to fall silently down his pale cheeks at the pressure; lips pressed tightly together in an attempt to not cry out. His head told him to make a sound, any at all, to put the poor man out of his misery, but the dull ache in his chest stopped him. 

Yet Tony didn’t need to look far, he didn’t need to ask FRIDAY which room Peter had disappeared to, as Tony knew instantly where his broken lover had gone. 

He knew leaving to go to the store for even twenty minutes was a risk because he knew those twenty minutes of silence and isolation would leave Peter closing in on himself - regressing back to that numb state of feeling nothing and yet feeling everything at the same time. 

But Peter had wanted ice cream. 

Setting the two pints of cookie dough down on the coffee table, he climbed the stairs. As soon as he reached the door, he took a deep breath. It was slightly cracked open, the first time in weeks that the room saw any activity from the day Tony had shut and locked it. Apparently he hadn’t hidden the key very well. 

Pushing it open, he stepped inside. It was exactly how he’d left it. The white bookshelf he’d hung on the wall, the newly fitted dresser  in the corner, the fluffy rug under the rocke, and, of course, the crib. The crib that should be full of life, and yet had simply only been collecting dust. The only thing that had been moved, was the small iron man plushie that had been placed inside. It was now cradled to Peter’s chest. He was so small and vulnerable in the unoccupied bedroom, and if Tony’s heart wasn’t already shattered, he may well have begun to cry. He didn’t like stepping inside here either, he didn’t like seeing his husband like this, but he had to be strong, for Peter’s sake. 

“Baby?”, he whispered out hoarsely, tentatively approaching Peter. He had been funny about touch lately. Some days he’d cry bloody murder if Tony came anyhwwre near him, other days he’d want nothing more than to just be helf, comforted, made to feel something other than complete sadness. Tony had thought today was a good idea - apparently he was wrong. 

Peter still hadn’t replied, but he hadn’t made a move to shuffle away from the approaching man either. So Tony took it as some sort of consent to kneel down before him, worried eyes searching over his face. 

“Hun you know you shouldn’t have come in here, it was only going to hurt you…”

At that, Peter’s eyes squeezed tighter shut, and more tears took their chance to fall. Tony sighed softly, placing his hands over Peter’s cold ones.It took a total of five minutes of gentle caressing to his knuckles, for Peter to release his grip on the plushie. Gently Tony took it from his hands, placing it down on the floor. 

It wasn’t the first time this had happened. Peter would go silent, and wouldn’t speak. If this time was like the others, this would be the last bit of emotion Tony would see from him, for another week. Until finally Peter would break down. Trembling and sobbing in Tony’s arms, and the whole process would start again. 

That’s why he no longer tried to get Peter to speak. Instead he gently lifted him into his arms, and carried him to their own bedroom. He laid Peter in bed, ice cream forgotten and left to melt, as he tucked the boy against his chest. Slow gentle hands ran through his hair, until finally Peter fell asleep. He was different from Tony in that way: Tony didn’t sleep, couldn’t remember the last time he did. And it showed. Eyes red and swollen with exhaustion, dull, any brightness or life had completely died along with his happiness. Peter, on the other hand, slept more.Although he never usually managed to explain it himself, Tony presumed it was because when he slept, he didn’t feel, and Peter didn’t want to feel anymore. 

~

Tony had been right. The breakdown happened exactly eight days later. Eight days of caring for a completely unresponsive Peter, eight days of no conversation, or sight to the outside world. That was for two reasons. One: He was scared if he left the house, he’d have come back and lost Peter too. Two: The only person Peter wanted around him was Tony, anytime someone else tried to come in he’d lock himself away and scream if they tried to get in. Tony understood in a way, but Tony needed comfort too, and Peter was isolating him, depriving him of it (as he wasn’t fit to give it himself) and that hurt. He knew it wasn’t intentional, Peter wouldn’t deliberately want to hurt Tony like this. At least that’s what he was telling himself… but it became much harder when his breakdown did eventually come.

“Why are you doing this?”

Tony looked up from the stove where he was making soup, eyebrows furrowed together as he turned to look at the saddened, yet angry expression on Peter’s face. It almost wavered seeing how tired and older Tony looked, but remained stoic for the most part. It was the first time Peter had said anything more then ‘yes’ or ‘no’. 

“Doing what sweetheart?” he asked gently, setting down the wooden spoon in order to move closer so that he could sit down and talk with Peter, but the boy let out an anguished cry causing Tony to freeze and hold his hands up to show he wouldn’t go any closer. 

“You’re acting like everything’s okay, do you have no heart?”

The shaky, breathy comment came from Peter’s mouth without question. And Tony didn’t think he’d ever hated Peter, but right now, he came very close.

“Peter…”, he began slowly, trying to remain calm because if he didn’t, he would cry, and Tony had willed everything in him, to not cry, “Of course I have a heart. I’m trying to stay like this because you need me. If I was even the slightest bit emotional, you’d be dead because all I’ve done is care for you-”

“LIES! If you cared, you’d show it..”

“I can’t show it, because then we’d both be nothing-”

“I bet you didn’t even care. I bet he meant nothing to you..”

A loud bang shook the room. Tony’s palm laying flat on the table, slowly twitching and turning red from the force of it striking the table. Silence.

Peter began to whimper, but for once, Tony couldn’t hold back.

“How dare you”, he hissed, ignoring the way Peter’s bottom lip began to tremble, as he began to recite “I’m sorry’s”, but Tony refused to listen - he deserved to feel too. 

“Of course I cared about him. He was my baby too Peter! Did you forget that? You selfish little boy. I was there too when Pepper was giving birth. I was there too, crying because he was silent. I held the cold lifeless body of OUR baby in my arms just like you did! I felt the death of him too, the loss of our damn baby. But I can’t even mourn him because I have to be strong otherwise you wouldn’t be alive either right now. So don’t you dare say I didn’t care!”

It had been their first fight since Pepper, their surrogate, delivered the stillborn baby. They hadn’t named him yet. Peter wanted to see what he looked like to give him a name that was fitting. It hurt too much to name him now, so he was just their baby, and yet it seemed to Peter, he was the only one that lost a part of him that day. 

Tony watched as Peter’s trembling form tried to reach out to him, sobbing and crying but Tony couldn’t hold him, not right now. Instead he walked slowly from the room. He may as well just be a ghost with the lack of life in his movements. 

~

So long of holding it in had taken a toll on Tony’s body. Peter tried, tried so hard to get in, but Tony’s walls were up, and they weren’t coming down anytime soon. 

A month, two, three passed. Neither of them were better, no one expected them to be, but Tony’s words had been a wake up call for Peter. He tried harder. When May offered to go on a walk with Peter to the park, he accepted. Tony gave a weak smile, saying he was tired, and he didn’t want to join. He’d clean whilst they were gone. Neither of the two realised the mistake they were making by believing him. A gentle hug for May, and a kiss to the lips from Peter. He kept him in his arms for a good five minutes, before Peter laughed, and gently pulled away “I’ll be back soon Tony”, he reassured - Tony laughed emptily. 

The moment the door clicked into place, Tony walked lifelessly to his office. Sitting down he began to write. A letter for Pepper (he wanted to apologize, after all, she delivered the baby, she was hurt too), a letter for the rest of the avengers (a thank you, for their help), a letter for Harley (he loved the kid like a son, apparently the only one he’d ever have), and a letter for Rhodey - the man that always persisted Tony took care of himself. He was sorry for not doing it this time. The last he wrote was Peter’s. It reassured him that this wasn’t his fault, but Tony couldn’t take this any longer. He loved him, and he was sorry, but he needed to be selfish this one time.

An hour was all it took. Words came easy when they were the last ones you’d ever speak. He didn’t cry, he was far too numb for that. 

They’d be back soon. So taking the letters, he set them down on the coffee table, before moving to the bathroom. There wasn’t any hesitation at all. He needed to do this. 

His hands didn’t shake as he made the cuts, deep slashes of pain against his skin. He didn’t blink twice at the blood that pooled down his arms. He didn’t cry out as he fell to his knees dizzily, before slowly his eyes closed. 

By the time Peter and May returned, it was too late. And Peter’s howl of Tony’s name upon entering the bathroom, and seeing the man, not breathing, in a pool of his own blood, shook the silent house to its core.

[aprilfayelikes]

So I’m reading TGCF... (part 4)

Welcome to the 4th part of my TGCF readthrough. I’ve just finished the first book, and let me tell you, this is the cruelest ending ever! So naturally, I had to continue my lovely suffering with the second book... (If you can’t tell, I really love this story:D) Warning: SPOILERS!  Stick around if you have already read TGCF from chapter 58 to chapter 74

Chapter 58

(We’re back in the past at the Shangyuan Festival. The crown prince is late but he plays the part of the God-Pleasing Martial Warrior, so the Guoshi is very angry. Mu Qing who plays the ghost reports that Xie Lian promised to be there on time and they should just start the show. So they do. The crown prince arrives and everything goes according to plan, but a small child falls from the city wall, and Xie Lian abandons the play and his mask to save him) - FCUK! You’re joking, right?! We’re reminiscing?! Right now?! No way! Please, no! Why now? After that awful cliff-hanger?! This is torture! - Not like I wouldn’t be interested in the backstory, but still... - FUCK! Let me cry in the corner for a short minute or hour or day..... T.T - ‘K, I’m done. - No, I’m not! *goes back to the corner to cry* T.T - This amount of praise must put a lot of pressure on someone. I’d break under the weight. Like you constantly have to live up to the expectations. And the expectations are sky-high. - Nice catch!:D

Chapter 59

(Not only does he lose his mask, the parade circles the city three times, which only guarantees three years of peace for the country, so the Guoshi is not happy. But it turns out, that the crown prince did send a message about why he will be late, but the Guoshi was busy playing cards and his subordinates hate Mu Qing thus they didn’t let him through. The kid he saved is kind of weird, but they let him go) - Xie Lian is very spoiled. He’s a nice and naive prince who’s completely detached from reality. - I love these three together. They are fun:D Xie Lian is fun. He’s too carefree and definitely spoiled but fun:)

Chapter 60

(The bad omens keep piling up. The kid dirtied Xie Lian’s clothes and he also lost one of his earrings during the performance. Feng Xin and Mu Qing get into an argument. Mu Qing thinks the other one is accusing him of stealing and storms off. Xie Lian tells Feng Xin about how he got to know Mu Qing.) - So he was supposed to be looking fluid in gender as a god? I love this idea. And it somehow suits Xie Lian, as well:D - Also he pierced his ears just for the performance:) - ‘He really didn’t bring a lot with him. Only two carriages full of books, and two hundred treasured swords.’ Pft... yeah, that’s not much AT ALL.

Chapter 61-64

(They go after Mu Qing and see him being bullied. Xie Lian not only helps him out but invites him to keep him company while visiting the palace. In the palace, we realize that although he loves his mom, his not on great terms with his father. Qi Rong is also a little troublemaker. He got a carriage for his birthday and he almost trampled pedestrians but doesn’t even care about it. The crown prince demands his mother to confiscate the cart. Qi Rong throws a fit and almost charges at Mu Qing. Then later when Xie Lian offers to visit Mu Qing’s mom, they see Qi Rong dragging a human body behind his carriage. The boys stop him and Xie Lian finds out, he captured the kid he rescued and whom his cousin blames for the misfortune of the Shangyuan Festival. While Qi Rong tries to attack the kid, Feng Xin breaks his hand)   - Mu Qing is being bullied. I start to understand where his complexes are coming from. - How can the crown prince casually stroll around in the slums? Does no one want to capture him? Does no one recognize him? Does no one want to steal from him? - Qi Rong was also disgusting as a human. - Poor kid! His name is Hong, that’s cute. :) Hong Hong-er:D - When did this happen? When did I get to the 64th chapter? These chapters went by so fast.

Chapter 65

(They take the kid back to the palace, he’s called Hong and is 10 years old. The king, however, demands Feng Xin to be punished for raising his hand on a member of the royal family. So Feng Xin has to break his on hand as an atonement) - Oh, the unimaginable hardships of a prince... (He definitely has an incredibly easy life, tbh) - Uh... Feng Xin’s hand is broken. Poor angry boy.

Chapter 66

(They head back to Mount Taicang, but the crowd circles them. Instead of blaming him for what happened at the festival, the people are cheering for Xie Lian. He feels he did the right thing saving the kid. So when the Guoshi says otherwise...) - Say what?! So he either kneels before the wall and prays, or the child should lose one of his senses? Why? This makes absolutely zero sense. Chapter 67

(... he cannot accept any penalty and cannot let them punish the kid either. But suddenly, as he is being lectured, all the evil ghosts they kept imprisoned get out and start to circle the kid. The Guoshi says that the kid carries bad luck and no one should touch him, but Xie Lian still holds him and comforts him.) - It’s not your fault, baby Hong, don”t cry! Poor kid! I really can’t. - Sry I don’t know what to write. These chapters are not funny, and you can feel that misery is coming.

Chapter 68

(Xie Lian cannot accept that the kid was born to be unlucky and the Guoshi tries to lecture him again. But he’s stubborn and is willing to oppose even the heavens if he knows, he’s right. The Guoshi feels the crown prince needs more worldly experience, so he lets him descend the mountain to go on an adventure. The kid escapes that night, and not much later Xie Lian ascends) - Yeah, that master is saying something... Xie Lian is very compassionate and lovely and good-natured and stubborn, but also incredibly naive and wants to shoulder everything on his own. This road leads to tragedy.

Chapter 69-70

(Three years later they are building the 8000th golden statue of the crown prince. Qi Rong also visits the shrine and offers prayers, but on the way out, he sees an unkempt man who wants to get to the royal palace then tries to fish out some golden coins of the shrine from the lake. He beats him. Xie Lian interferes; he pushes down his own statue, which is a very bad omen. The man is from Yong’An, the area is suffering from drought and he came for help from the king. He carries the body of his dead child on his back. Xie Lian helps him to burry the child) - I love how the tragedy of a nation is shown through the tragedy of one man. It is shocking and touching and just goes to show how much of a dick Qi Rong truly is. - I finally understand how the conflict between Yong’An and Xianle broke out. - But I also refuse to believe that there were no solutions whatsoever. I mean I get it, it’s hard, but the solution the king chose is definitely not the best one.

Chapter 71

(Xie Lian doesn’t know how to help. The Guoshi warns him that he is a god, not a crown prince, mortal matters shouldn’t concern him anymore. He also mentions that he believes Xie Lian ascended too soon. Since his bloodline is still alive he can’t help but to be concerned and that is going to bring bad luck on him and the kingdom, as well) - Why don’t you just ask some elemental god to help out. Aren’t you like... all in the god club? If you can’t help, somebody else can!  - Aaaand thank God he also realized this. At least the idea is there.

Chapter 72-73

(Xie Lian tries to collect information disguised as an ordinary human when it starts to pour down. He is mesmerized by the rain but hides in a small shrine that happens to be built for him. A small kid is a regular at that shrine. He changes the flower in the hand of the statue every day. Xie Lian becomes invisible and listens to the child’s prayer. The child asks him what should he live for. And he answers: Live for me. This child happens to be the same child he saved years ago.) - Small Hong is really cute~ - And Xie Lian is really stupid. I understand him and his desperation, but he is too young. His head is full of ideas. His childish. But he tries his best:( I feel for him.

Chapter 74

(As it turns out Xie Lian didn’t have the time to make friends with the other gods yet due to his fast ascension, so no one is willing to help him. He visits the Rain Master, who is not very nice, but he lends him his godly device. However, all this takes too long and a week passes) - Lord Rain Master seems like a dick, too. There are many dicks in this story.