#the siblings are all just. immune to bullshit now honestly

[monsieuroverlord]

BECAUSE I'M STILL UPSET BY RECENT EVENTS...

Warning: my convoluted conspiracy theories and ranting lol

We're only on part one of the Sabretooth War arc, and while I'm deeply unhappy with how that issue turned out, there's technically still plenty of time to introduce a twist that fixes everything (or at least provides a glimmer of solace from that clusterfuckery.)

I've thought on it, slept on it, and came up with a few theories that COULD dampen the blow of last issue.

In no particular order:

Twist Option 1: It's a fake-out and Akihiro is technically not dead. How, you may ask?

The Sabretooth crew's first target was Quentin Quire -- who is supposedly an omega-level telepath. Now, Logan's got telepathic resistance, but he's never been completely immune.

We also saw the Sabretoothes (Sabreteeth?) use a device to knock out Sage and Black Tom, one that distinctly has Quire's Pink Power Signature:

They haven't explained exactly WHAT this device is, but it wouldn't surprise me if they took Quire's brain and made a telepathic brain scrambler device. (wouldn't be the first time Marvel did something similar AND we don't see Quire's head in the final page). Creed's a savage, but also a clever bastard. He wouldn't be opposed to strats like that.

Who knows what that device is? Maybe its some bullshit like "projecting Logan's fears" and that's what he THINKS happened.

Though in this case, it is likely that Akihiro WAS at least captured and greatly injured (but still has his healing factor and is alive). Perhaps will come up later when Creed feels like fucking with Logan some more. (Cue badass sibling rescue mission when Laura finds out)

Not great, but perfectly in character for an extra-savage Sabretooth to draw out the Logan Birthday Bash. (And I'm sorry, but at the barest of minimums, Akihiro wouldn't go down that easy -- he's younger, faster, and much more conniving than his father. Logan has significant training, but he tends to drop it in favor of charging headfirst every time. Aki's always been more disciplined than that. Same with Laura, but that's another rant.)

Now this means Quire is definitely dead, but he also has a bunch of body doubles from X-Force, and he recently self-resurrected after that Cerebrax thing and a back-up body. If a character was going to self-resurrect, it'd be him. (Not to mention, if Betsy Braddock can restore her entire body via telepathy/telekinetics, he should be able to as well)

Twist Option 2: Akihiro IS dead, but there is a secret back-up resurrection (maybe limited use or something)

In the description-preview thing of X-Force #49, they're indicating they're gonna bring back Avengers-era Beast to take down current Beast. Now maybe they just happen to find a Beast clone to upload it to, but there's gotta be at least the groundwork for secret cloning somewhere (I mean, he cloned Wolverine too, so I don't see why not). Avengers-era Beast and Sage (Or just Sage alone honestly) could figure it out.

Then we just need a back-up database of Cerebro to upload memories and all is well. (I'm pretty sure X-Force already had a complete secret back-up database, or if not in canon yet, I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out they did.).

Twist Option 3: Whatever is going on in ROTPOX comes to at least a partial fruition.

Either Xavier somehow succeeds (I don't think that'll be the case, tbh) and Krakoa is no more but everyone killed is reset or there's some partial success that resets Krakoa and resurrection can resume.

Either way, it'll reset the progress Akihiro and Logan have made and bleh.

(This would be such a fucking cop-out, in my opinion, but I digress)

Twist Option 4: Secret Weapon From the Exiles Crew.

Now called The Maroons, Nekra and crew still have that weird Krakoa seed. We don't know what it does yet. Implied to be really bad for Sabretooth, but maybe it also has secret powers like "restoring life to Creed's recent kills via draining his corpse" or some bullshit.

idk Krakoa science-magic.

Twist Option 5: There's another goddamn Muramasa blade/weapon out there.

What ever happened to Laura's Muramasa Armor? And the shield? How many weapons does Muramasa still have out there?

a. that armor will come up, and Laura will reclaim it. Since it also has a piece of Akihiro's soul, they'll extract that (probably breaking the armor in the process) and restore him via dope sword magic.

b. There's conveniently ANOTHER Muramasa weapon, one that can kill Sabretooth but ALSO has life restoring abilities (a weapon created for the perfect balance between life and death)

c. Solem lost his sword via general debauchery. And now Logan is gonna go get it. But also there's secret sword magic (which has life restoring powers) that Muramasa conveniently didn't tell Logan because he didn't feel like it

d. Logan's gonna go get his Muramasa blade (or one of them -- I'm pretty there's at least a couple at this point. wouldn't be surprised if there's secretly more) and there's the same secret sword magic as point c.

e. Percy and LaValle shock us all by giving Itsu some actual character -- where she knew Muramasa herself and gave up a bit of her soul for a secret weapon cuz it turns out she was a badass in her own right, which now can be used in the present day to both kill Sabretooth AND restore her beloved son. (And Logan never knew because he's a dense SOB and has a tendency to put his deceased love interests on a pedestal)

Twist Option 6: No twist at all. Akihiro is dead, gonna be dead for a bit, and everything is pain and suffering :(

At bare minimum, I wanna see Aurora pull her brother's moves from X-Men #163:

Just full speedster mode and kick his ass. She'd probably be more ruthless and I'd like to see that.

Or speedster sibling tag-team mode with said ruthless ass-kicking.

(I crave vengeance)

That's all I got. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading lol

[internalsealpanic]

A Pair of Aces

summary: Planning out Connor’s coming out would be simple if Roy and Mia didn’t get involved.  a/n: This is basically a humorous retelling of how I figured out I was ace but with more arrowfam

"In the interest of maintaining the image of being the only vaguely rational person in this family, I'm going to tell you to just tell him," you say, wondering how exactly you got into this conversation when all you wanted to do was have a nice brunch with your siblings. 

"You can't just come out. He's gotta do something."

"Babies come out and all they do is cry."

Mia snorts. 

You roll your eyes. 

"This is a big thing. He's gotta do something to tell Ollie. "

Roy says all of this like you care. You would think that he'd figured out by now that anything that comes out of his mouth completely slips by your brain like rainwater over Teflon. Honestly.  "Right?" He turns to Mia who is busy delighting in the fact that you are suffering too much to tell her not to eat too much syrup. 

You turn to Connor, chin on the heel of your palm. "What are you afraid of?"

Connor gestures vaguely trying to capture his point and hand it to you, punctuating the action by saying, "that." You stare at him and want to tell him that you don't speak Roy but you're half sure he got that gesture from Kyle. You let out a dismissive breath. 

"You're being insensitive again."

You blink and flick your gaze wide-eyed. 

Connor kind of shrugs dejected and Roy comforts him but still manages to look so very irritating in the process. 

"Ok," you say slowly trying to retrace your steps. Where had you misstepped?  Ok, you repeat in your head. You run through the facts in your head and come up bust. "It's pretty normal to be disinterested in that stuff, right? There are better things to do."

They all kind of just look at you and you're backtracking again, thinking, "What did I do now?"

"Do you," Mia says slowly, "do you think the rest of the world just has sex because they have nothing better to do?"

You want to say yes but you feel like that's the wrong answer so you go with, "maybe?"

They're all back to staring at you again. 

"What?"

"Here I thought (Y/n) was the straight person on thin ice," Roy says in a small breath. 

"What?" You repeat.

"I think you just came out to us," Connor says, the corner of his lip curling into a smile. You feel like you should be offended but you're just happy that the sick grey-green color swimming under his skin has gone. Connor turns to Roy. "Should I just do that?"

"Naw, knowing (Y/n) she'll get it patented in like 2 hours."

"For Connor, I won't. But I don't see how you would sneak that into a conversation with Ollie."

Connor shrugs, "I could ask him about him and Dinah."

"Please don't."

"It's a great idea," Mia pipes in.

"Please don't pull a Roy."

Roy makes an annoyed noise at you in the back of his throat. He usually only reserves that noise for when you call up Donna just to walk her through his latest fuck ups on patrol. You're very happy to find that it can be induced in other ways.

You stick your tongues out at each other. 

Mia clears her throat and points out, "Someone has to be the token straight person."

You and Connor point to your noses. "Not it."

"I have eldest immunity privileges!" Roy protests. 

 "Since when?"

"Forever."

"News to me," you say.

Connor seems to contemplate this.  "It's not in writing."

You grin as Roy tries to sputter a response. 

"Sorry, straight person. If it's not in writing, you can't enforce it," Mia shrugs pounding her palm against the table like a gavel. 

Roy throws his hands up and starts to argue with Mia about why she should be the person on thin ice. You would like to take credit for Mia not taking Roy's bullshit like a champ but she was like that to begin with. 

You take the opportunity to lean in and whisper in Connor's ear. "Ollie's probably just going to add to his collection of pride shirts."

He side-eyes, less skeptical and more than a little weary. "He has that?"

"He also got pride ties when someone on the board had something to say after MIa came out."

"Huh."

"Mmhmm," you hum, "I promise I won't come out when you do. Then again, Ollie's probably guessed my case by now. Maybe. I dunno."

"Ollie's dumber than any of us," Mia laughs.

"He took you in so probably," Roy sniggers. 

"Hey!"

"The fact that he took us all in is grounds for an insanity plea," Connor admits.

"Can we all agree that him being friends with Uncle Hal is a better case?" You say, slouching back in your chair. 

"Ok. Yeah."

"Oh, he'll love hearing about it. No Christmas presents for you."

" Yeah, cus I'm gonna miss the shitty Coast City souvenir shop mugs he gets me every year."

"Oh yeah, I forgot I told him you were starting a mug collection waaaaay back."

"Seriously?!"

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

from an anon, about parents and school

(it's just long, that's why it's under a break XD)

here's my proposition: make parents understand that not every child should conform to whatever traditional career paths that exist. as an asian, i could feel the pressure to take science like a fucking boulder on my body. i have to rant a bit.

i am the younger sibling, my brother is two years elder to me. i was never instilled any curiosity in anything science related, i was kinda left all by myself lol. my brother tho, maybe because he was older or because he was a guy (yeah LMFAO), was encouraged AND involved in a LOT of coding, mechanix (its a construct-ur-own-stuff thing).

i guess i never really noticed until i was leaving middle school, that i was not as smart as him, and would probably never be. but i had other strengths he didnt have. i love writing, im pretty good at it. i am analytical and subejctive, i like thinking and making conclusions about things. i mean i guess i've figured out what i could be better at, right? but the problem?

its that my parents dont see it. its as if they dont know me or they DO know me and are just forcing the things they need onto me. it feels selfish of them to completely forgo my actual strengths. like YES OK i UNDERSTAND i can never be as smart as my brother, but u dont have to pretend like i can. because pretending that i can achieve whatever he has, is just going to affect YOU. because i have accepted long ago that some things arent for me.

they think i dont want to put effort into anything i do. that im lazy and want the easy way out. god, every time they say this i want to honestly show them that its the things IM interested in, where i put in the work. its so belittling.

ive written articles abt bts, their music, about how carl jungs theory of archetypes and i occasionally ask a lot of questions about the world to you (hi lol). i just dont get why they want me to waste energy on something im clearly uninterested in.

short answer, point to BTS and say, "They're Asian, they make tons of money. Leave me alone."

just kidding XD

If I'm being serious, I don't think they will change their mind. They will continue to force their ideals onto you, because they believe in certain career paths had assured success and that is what they are after. They either want you to make a certain amount of money, have a certain status in life, or simply know that you can obtain a stable job. To be honest, these are not really traditional career paths at all if you think about it. Becoming a doctor takes many, many years and it is hard ass work. Parents just make it seem as if these are the only jobs available to you, even if you know it's not true.

Men vs women in Asian countries, well, I feel everyone knows this, but many Asian parents born in their respective countries put more effort into their sons than daughters. Firstborn son? He probably walks on water to them XD

I understand what you mean when you say your parents do not understand. This might sound egotistical (it does now that I'm writing it, I am very sorry) but I was the one in my family who got the best grades. None of my siblings got better grades than me (basically I had a 4.0 from middle school to university), and do you think with all that I would be immune?

Nope.

I am good at the sciences and I am good at the humanities as well. I had an interest in reading, writing, and drawing. Reading fiction, I could pass it off to educate myself. Writing? I could pass it off as something for school. But drawing?

Woo, boy.

This was a constant fight. I do not back down (a rebel, wcyd) and I drew and it would get ripped apart. I drew and it would get torn up and thrown away. I drew and and would be beaten, yelled at, constantly belittled for my interest in it even though I was good at the sciences and math. To my mom (my dad doesn't count, he had zero interest in parenting) - if she did not think it was going to make money in the future, it was useless. If I could not spin it into profit, I should not be doing it (very fun childhood I had, yes). The most ironic thing is, after I became an adult, she suggested I start drawing again and sell it to make money.

Hello?

You literally forced me to stop drawing because you constantly connected it with negativity???

(not now, I have since stopped talking to her and started drawing again and it is purely for myself, not to show anyone else, I do not even post it on social media or show anyone irl)

Not saying your parents will act like mine, btw, only sharing my experience.

The idea that you'll never be as smart as your brother? That's bullshit lol. That's like saying intelligence is only valuable if it's science or math, which, as you know, is not true. You are you. He is himself. It is not you cannot do those things. It is that those things are not what you want to focus on. You have a limited amount of time in this life and you have chosen the things you want to delve into and explore.

You don't have to be good at everything. Everything is just not good enough for you.

I am of the mindset that you should try and learn everything you can about this world. I love learning, personally. I think knowing everything I know, from the humanities to the sciences, enriches my life and gives me a broader perspective.

But I totally understand how you feel, because being pushed into something makes you end up hating it. Parents push their kids to learn this or that and kids end up resenting schoolwork because it doesn't feel like something they wanna do anymore. It's just adults yapping in their ears and it feels pointless. Grades aren't everything. You think anyone cares that I aced Physics with Calculus I and II as an adult? LMAO, no one gives a shit. You passed, good enough XD

Here's how I think you should treat school. It's not the content that matters. It's you understanding how you learn each subject. Every subject is different and how you learn them is different. It is not because you are bad at the subject, it is because you haven't figured out the best learning style for you. Teachers have to teach a mass of students and, yes, I understand this seems very tedious to have to "teach yourself".

The skill in learning to learn becomes so, so valuable as an adult. It is how you maintain interest in things, how you develop new interests, and how will come to find meaning (in whatever you want to focus on finding meaning for). I'm not saying that you will be able to find your perfect learning style in every subject, but I am encouraging you to simply see it in that light.

And, you might find certain things to be not that important to you, in which case, just pass the class, it's totally fine if it's not going to help you for the career path you're going for XD Nobody asks me about the themes of William Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" (tbh, a pair of overdramatic loons) or how I feel about Sigmund Freud (actually a twat, but that's neither here nor there).

Let them talk. That one that walks your path is you. Focus on what you want to focus on. They are set in their ways and they way to show them there are different paths is to walk them.

[fearfulkittenwrites]

Gala and “I’m allergic to bullshit.”

Word count: 2244

Link for it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26180371

Notes: Hey! This was beta'd by @3ambird​ , who is an amazing sweetheart and improves evertything they touch. Thank you for the help!

Galas were never fun. Bruce had hated them as a kid, and hated them as teen, and he hates them as an adult. Still, he has to maintain appearances, so he always attends. And as his family grew, his kids were forced to attend as well.

Dick Grayson was particularly good at socializing. After he moved past his teenage rage, of course. He used to get in passive aggressive arguments with the rich CEOs and company owners all the time. He still does, but at least now he was good at it to the point where it almost couldn’t be recognized as an argument, instead of jumping on the necks of greedy millionaires that bought land out of poor people.

That was an interesting headline.

Jason sucked at galas. Soon enough, he figured out that if he started enough awkward conversations, people wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore. Especially the creepy single older women, pinching his cheeks and squeezing his biceps.

“Say, Claire, what’s your opinion on the alarming rate at which the bees are disappearing? They say that’s because of all the chemicals we put in our food.” He’d smile, carefully holding his glass. Bruce would struggle to hide his gasp, because Jason, that’s the owner of the highest earning pesticides company in the country.

“Well, Roger, I’m certain that the legalization of abortions would be a great thing, considering that now your mistresses won’t have to be sent overseas to terminate the unwanted preganancies you give them, right?” He’d say, and Bruce would nearly have a heart attack, because Jason, that’s the president of Gotham’s conservative party.

“Oh, you see, Sandra, I think that gay marriage should not only be legalized, but encouraged. If straight couples were to cease existing, then no more children would be born, and honestly, no one needs any more of those snotty gremlins running around, ruining perfectly good tapestry.” And Bruce would faint, because Jason, for God’s sake, that is the leader of the Gotham’s Motherhood Association.

Tim wasn’t all that bad. He could be social with a little effort, and he was far more used to galas than any of the other family members, having grown up attending them. Of course, all of that was only valid when he wasn’t sleep deprived, which, considering all he had on his plate, was roughly 32% of the time. When he was running on three hours of sleep and seven cups of caffeine a day, trying to finish a project, run his share of the Wayne Enterprises, and manage school work, he became a bit more irritable and impatient. And extremely impulsive. Which is mainly why Bruce asked Dick to stand by his brother through most of the night.

“We both know you’re his impulse control, Dick.” He said, adjusting his oldest son’s tie “Remember what happened the last time he was left unattended for fifteen minutes?”

“He got into an argument with a young Creationist and dunked his own head in an ice bowl after screaming ‘Fuck God! I can hear colors and dinosaurs rule!’” Dick sighed, “Yeah, I’ll keep an eye on him.”

Cass despised them, but Bruce insisted she should attend anyway. More often than not, she’d just stay at the table, tasting as many appetizers as the waiters would bring her, and shooting murderous looks at anyone who sneered at her. Bruce was relieved that at least she wasn’t cracking any bones.

Damian was... Better than Jason and worse than Dick. He had an unamused expression through most of the event, and would unceremoniously swat away any hands that tried to pinch his cheeks. Other than that, he wasn’t much trouble. The real trouble were galas all Wayne kids attended. The five of them could cause enough trouble when they were apart, together they were the embodiment of chaos.

And this was supposed to be a calm, slightly boring family evening. It really was.

But Bruce just had to bring all five of them.

Everything had to go just right. As they walked in through the red carpet, the media was eating up the image of the six Waynes dressed formally; Each of them had a tie color matching their hero uniform (a cheeky thing they enjoyed doing to play with the theorists minds), Dick had a dark blue one, Tim and Jason slightly varying tones of red, Damian had a green one and Bruce had a black one. Cass wore a long black dress that sparkled when it was hit by the light in just the right way.

The first sign was the reporter, who, while aggressively pointing a microphone in their faces, asked pushy questions about relationships and the like, nothing out of the ordinary, until he shoved it in Cass’ face and asked her if she could even speak. Jason almost broke the man’s nose. Bruce silently thanked God for Dick, who stepped in front of the man before that happened.

“Try some shit like that again pal, you’ll hear from our lawyers.” He led his sister inside, a protective hand on her back.

They calmed down. And Bruce still had hopes that this would be a quiet evening.

Looking back at it, he doesn’t know why.

Because as Dick and Cass were at the bar, ordering drinks, a woman stood next to them, trying to make small talk. Neither of them seemed too interested in her; she is a hassle at every gala, making weird advances on all of the boys. Today, however, she was a little more tipsy, and Bruce couldn’t quite make out what exactly the conversation was about, but Dick was clearly uncomfortable and Cass was fuming. The woman kept grabbing at him, sliding her hands over his tie, squeezing his arms. And then she squeezed his ass, and it took Cass less than a second to break her nose.

If they were any other family, Cass would have been thrown out of the party, but they were the Waynes, and you do not throw a Wayne out of a party. If she punched a middle-aged woman, then she punched a middle-aged woman. Bring her a glass of water and some ice for her injured hand.

Of course, it didn’t end there.

Bruce was still surprised he didn’t have gray hairs yet.

Because Damian had discovered and made friends with a stray cat in the garden, and Jason had a laser pointer, because of course Jason had a laser pointer, and the cat ended up knocking down not one, not two, but three expensive pieces of pottery, shattering them on the gravel floor. And when the house owner saw the damage, he turned pale and had to hold back his tears. Jason laughed.

“-tt-.” Damian stated, adjusting his suit “You owe that cat a favour,those vases ruined the garden’s aesthetic. Regardless, I’m sure father will be more than happy to compensate you for the damages.”

He walked back to the party slowly, passing by the man who would need some time to make it back.

Once Jason broke him the news, Bruce thought (and hoped) that that would be it.

But no, the night was young, and there was so much time left and the batsibilings for sure wouldn’t waste it.

The previous statement about sleep deprived Tim?

Well.

Tonight, he had to pick a fight with an essential-oil-loving, antivax mother. Simply because he liked to torture himself. And because nobody realised he was alone until Bruce spotted him in the crowd, eye twitching as a woman rambled about all the heavy metals and chemicals that vaccines had in them. He thought about getting to him, but he knew it was too late. There was no going back now.

“Well, you see Karen,” He started.

“Uuum, my name’s Patricia.” She interrupted.

“I’m a billionaire’s heir, I don’t give a shit.” He said “Anyways. As I was saying, the thing is, I’d rather take the chance of being injecting myself with mercury than, oh, I don’t know, get meningitis and fucking die?”

The circle went quiet. Another woman, wanting to dissipate the tension, tried to restart the conversation.

“I-I mean, I don’t understand why can’t they make something safer, right? Like, when we used to throw those smallpox parties, why won’t they make something that works like that? So that we can build a natural immunity instead of all of those chemicals.” She laughed awkwardly.

Tim slapped his own face so hard that it attracted a lot of eyes.

“How. Do. You. Think. Vaccines. Work. Susan?”

“M-my name is Mary.”

“I don’t give a fuck.” He answered. And just in time, Dick swooped in.

“Hey, Timmy!” He greeted “Can I borrow this guy for a second?” He didn’t wait for an answer as he guided Tim out to the garden.

“Fucking idiots.” He muttered “I don’t know how they have so much money. They’re all fucking idiots, Dick. I’m surrounded by dumbasses.”

“There, there.” He said “Okay, we’re far enough.” He looked around “Go ahead.”

And Tim let out the most horrendous, rage filled scream any of those guests had ever heard. Because of course they heard it. Bruce sighed and shrunk on his chair.

“Better?” Dick asked as he finished, patting his back.

“So much.” Tim answered.

“You should’ve slept a little before this.”

“No way. I’m totally fine.” He answered “I had three cans of monster before we left, so I feel great.” Dick raised an eyebrow, worried.

“Whatever you say, buddy.” He led him back inside, tidying up his brother’s hair “Just... No more picking fights with moms tonight, okay?”

And Bruce thought that was enough. Bruce was certain that this would be the last incident.

But his kids just loved proving him wrong.

He thought that the best strategy would be to ask them to stick together, so that Dick’s responsibility and social skills would keep his feral siblings under control. He should’ve known it would backfire.

The last he checked, they were making small talk with some CEOs on the edge of the room, away from the dance floor. Jason, Cass and Damian seemed completely bored, Tim was clenching his jaw for some reason, and Dick tried his best to look polished and polite.

“So, I heard that Wayne Enterprises have a new project?” One of them asked, chest so projected forwards it looked like it was about to explode.

“Yes. Yes we do.” Dick said, smiling politely “We’re opening up a refugee housing program.”

“Oh, so that’s what those buildings are for?”

“Yes, exactly!” He exclaimed, opening his arms in a seemingly natural manner “We are building apartments to shelter them. It’s nothing fancy, but we can charge a cheaper rent than most, and not charge at all for the first six months, giving them a chance to properly establish themselves here.”

“Well, I must say,” Puffed up chest guy stated, “I can’t see why not to give them to good old Americans instead. There’s a lot of homeless people nowadays, you see.” He leaned forward as he talked.

Damian perked his head up, but didn’t say anything. Cass and Jason seemed to be listening. Tim’s left eye twitched.

“Actually,” Tim started “The company has very stable, successful projects to help the homeless.”

“I’m familiar with those, yes.” He arrogantly dismissed the teen “But, you see, I just can’t understand why not open the housing to tax paying Americans instead of some...”

“Potential terrorists?” Damian suggested, arms crossed, scowl on his face.

“...Foreigners.” He completed.

“Well, since you ask, we are currently planning on the possibility of eventually opening vague apartments to Americans too.” Dick answered, swirling the liquid in his glass around “But the priority now really are the refugees.”

“I don’t see why can’t we prioritize our own people.” He insisted “I’m simply concerned for the well being of our poorest patriots.”

Dick blinked.

And here’s why Bruce should have known it would backfire.

Because, yes, Dick was able to cool them down...

But they were able to fire him up.

And so, like the charismatic man he was, he covered his nose a little, rubbing at the end, and faked a loud sneeze.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” He started “You see, I have this strange condition.” Dick stared at the man in the eye, the guy who had bought an old building people were squatting at, just to demolish it and doom them to the streets with no care or compensation, and, knowing this and so much more, said “I’m allergic to bullshit.”

And his siblings went feral again.

Tim and Jason screamed an ‘Oooooooooh!’, Damian pointed at the man and laughed loudly, and Cass snorted, covering her mouth in surprise.

Dick didn’t break eye contact as he drank the last of his champagne.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” He said “I have to go look for better company.” Dick left the empty glass at the nearest table and adjusted his suit, smiling “Have a nice evening.”

As he walked away, the gang followed close behind, all of them very excited about how Dick, the composed, calm, cool, polite and polished Dick Grayson-Wayne, had just burned a millionaire in front of his economic allies. As the party reached Bruce, the man once again seemed to sink into his chair. Dick sat next to him, radiating confidence and charm.

“Do I wanna know?” The man asked.

“No,” Dick answered, grinning but not looking at the man “No you don’t.”

[fandomlurker]

A Ponderous Rewatch: Opportunity Knox and Cameo

We’re treated to something a bit special this episode! No, not the art and animation quality, as that’s…kinda weak this time. Or maybe I should say Brain is drawn and animated kinda nightmarishly in a lot of parts? Well, you’ll see.

No, the special thing about this episode is that it’s written by Tom Minton, the writer at Warner Brothers who was the original inspiration for The Brain! The general idea for Pinky and the Brain as characters and as a show came from Tom Ruegger having an office close by to Tom Minton and Eddie Fitzgerald, two writers and storyboard artists who he would often hear laughing and joking around together but usually couldn’t make out what exactly they were saying. Minton usually spoke low and quietly and was more introverted, while Fitzgerald was much more outgoing and loud…basically already like a cartoon come to life (Eddie actually did exclaim things like ‘Narf’ occasionally in reality, which was an aspect that was added to and exaggerated in Pinky’s character). The fact that these two guys who were viewed as total opposites by their colleagues were good friends and spent so much time working together in secret lead to everyone joking that they were secretly trying to take over the world.

That isn’t to say that Pinky and Brain are 100% cartoon copies of Eddie and Tom—our mouse duo definitely veered off into their own distinct personalities very quickly—but the basic bones of their characters came from these two real life men. That makes me wonder about how surreal it must have been for Tom Minton to write for episodes starring Pinky and the Brain. He only did so four times in Animaniacs (and Eddie Fitzgerald never directly worked on Animaniacs or Pinky and the Brain, to my knowledge).

In any case, let’s move on to the actual episode.

We open to a multitude of bubbling beakers of mysterious liquids and one scientist working alone at night in the Acme Labs. She sneezes a few times, and then exclaims that she’s only a few steps away from curing the common cold.

…Man, Acme Labs is a total shitshow when it comes to their work, aren’t they? In addition to all the blatantly cruel experiments on animals that they do, just look at how lax this scientist is about lab safety. I’ll give her props for at least wearing her lab coat properly and tying her long hair up, which is something most media usually gets wrong. The fact that she’s doing this medical experiment while not wearing gloves or proper eye protection or a mask is very troubling. Not to mention that she’s doing all this while being very sick, if her violent sneezes are anything to go by.

Hmm, that cage is looking suspiciously empty.

Well, well! Looks like our mousey duo is up to something.

“Ahehehehe, oh this is gonna be great, Brain! Narf!”

“Quiet, Pinky!”

OH LORD, SHE JUST CHUGS IT HERSELF! Lady, PLEASE! The fact that this “cure” is piss-coloured only makes it worse.

Sweetie, I think this needs more peer-reviewed, double-blind tests before you can truthfully say that you’ve made a cure for the common cold. You have no proper safety gear on and you’re doing this experiment all alone at night with no one to check up on you.

Oh no. Boys, what are you doing?

So they catapult some powdery substance on her and she goes into a more violent sneezing fit than before. She leaves the room to go “back to the drawing board”, but honestly I’m hoping that she just goes home and isolates herself for a while.

“Success, Pinky!”

“Egad, Brain, what is this stuff?!”

“A new strain of pollen I created myself, Pinky. It causes a temporary but uncontrollable fit of allergic sneezing in man.”

Pinky looks very disturbed by this (although I suppose it doesn’t help that Brain has that very smug and devious look on his face) until Brain says that the effect is temporary. It’s a nice little detail that shows us approximately where Pinky’s lines of morality are. Brain makes his own strain of pollen to cause humans to have severe sneezing fits? That’s amazing but horrifying! Oh, it’s only temporary? Well okay, then. It’s fine if it doesn’t cause any lasting harm.

“No human is immune.”

AAAAAAHHHHHHH! Holy fuck, show, don’t give me a jumpscare like that!

“Do you realize what we will do with this pollen, Pinky?”

“Umm… Open a boutique?”

GAH! I told you to stop doing that! Seriously, what’s up with the way Brain’s draw in this episode?

“Yes, that’s it. We’ll open a boutique and sell ladies’ clothing and pollen.”

“Egad, Brain, what fun! I like this idea, I do! Hehehahahaha!~”

Of course he would. Of course he’d like working in a more domestic setting and selling ladies’ clothing.

…Say, now that I think of it, I think this might be the first time we get a hint as to Pinky’s love of what’s stereotypically thought of as women’s clothing. Hmm.

BONK!

“Focus, Pinky, FOCUS!”

Brain, sweetie, not everyone goes into tunnel-visioned hyperfocus like you do.

“We shall do no less than go to Fort Knox, Kentucky: keeper of the nation’s gold supply. There, we will expose the guards to our pollen…”

Despite the general awkwardness of the animation this episode, I like the way Brain is drawn here from over the shoulder. Very nice work.

Also…”our” pollen? Brain, you made that yourself. I guess this is just another example of Brain subconsciously including Pinky in everything.

“…and while they’re sneezing uncontrollably, we’ll move into the vault and take the gold!”

Brain’s plan blueprints are such a treat. Gold! Gold! Gold!

“For he who controls this nation’s capital, controls the nation!”

Okay, this close-up is a little better.

“Off to Fort Knox!”

“Oh! Wait! But isn’t the nation’s capital in Washington, DC?”

BONK!

“Capital as in money, Pinky!”

Oh come on now, Brain. It was an easy mistake to make. Also “capital” in this instance can mean more than money if you want to get semantic about it.

Brain grabs Pinky’s tail to drag him away again. It’s a wonder that Pinky’s tail isn’t as kinked up and injured as Brain’s is by now.

Ooo, improvised tools time!

“But how are we gonna get to Fort Knox, Brain?”

“We’ll simply borrow one of the lab’s technological resources:”

“The minivan!”

Pinky, are you mildly swooning over Brain acquiring a minivan? I…

This does bring up a point I wanted to make, though. Sometimes fans will question why Pinky and Brain stay at Acme Labs despite being put through so much inhumane and humiliating bullshit. While it’s true that Brain doesn’t much like the experiments he’s subjected to (Pinky is…another story entirely), I’m pretty sure he keeps the labs as his home because it’s incredibly convenient for his world domination plans. These are ACME labs, after all, and regardless of how terrible the experiments are, Acme has access to just about every bit of technology in the Warner Brothers cartoon universe. Brain can find or order whatever parts he needs for his latest world domination plan whenever he wants, and no human bats an eye at mysterious bits and bobs showing up because, well, it’s Acme. Acme is in the business of doing absolutely everything. No matter what daytime tortures Brain goes through, the lab is an incredible asset to him, and he’d be foolish to give that up.

Hello again, Warner siblings! I hope you’re having fun tonight.

That’s an awfully tiny sack of pollen to take for this trip…

“Won’t we get in trouble, Brain?”

“’Get in trouble’? Pinky, we’re going to take over the world!”

I just like the tiny silhouettes in this screencap.

“Besides, we’ll have the van back here by 8 am.”

“Oh! All right, then!”

[Quickly googles how long it would take to drive from Burbank California to Fort Knox]

…Are you sure about that, Brain? Are you really, positively sure?

Oh my goodness, a little winch and pulley system! That’s a little convoluted, but it’s adorable.

“Oi! Nice threads, Brain! But, err, why the disguise?”

“If we are to succeed in our mission, I must pass for an average, non-descript motorist, Pinky.”

I agree, Pinky. Brain always looks good in a suit.

Also he’s on a literal soap box, holy shit.

“So while we’re driving, call me Mr. Perkins.”

A trillby?!? Put it back! Putitbackputitbackputitback!

“Say no more! Brilliant, Brain!”

“Mr. Perkins.”

Oh no, he’s threatening to punch the audience now!

“Ooo, right, right. Narf! Heh, Mr. Per-kins.~”

“Pinky, start your engine!”

So Pinky tugs on a rope tied to the car keys to start the minivan, and I bet we can all already tell that he’s going to be doing most of the hard work for this roadtrip.

“Now depress the brake!”

I half expected a joke here where Pinky would say depressing things to the brake, but that didn’t happen. It’s just as well, I suppose. Pinky’s not usually the type to be mean to anyone or anything.

Instead, he pushes himself into the brake.

This made me curious about how strong real mice are. According to this scientific article, the average mouse can lift approximately 70 g in weight.That’s not a lot compared to us humans, of course, but seeing as the average weight of the common house mouse is 19 g (and common wood mice are on average 23 g), that’s really impressive! Still, for Pinky to be able to depress the brake is quite a feat that’s worlds beyond what the average real-life mouse can do.

Yes, yes, I know. It’s all cartoon logic and physics. That’s not going to stop me from having the headcanon that Pinky and the Brain have both been modified so much by Acme Labs that in addition to becoming sapient and intelligent, they’re basically little mouse superheroes in strength, too.

“Yes! Now I’ll shift the transmission into gear and…you give it the gas!”

Man, Pinky just slams his entire body onto the gas pedal with all his mousey might! You can hear him physically strain against it. Well done, Mr. Paulsen!

“Now Pinky, let us, in the vernacular, ‘take this hog out on the road and see who’s boss’!”

Oh lord, Brain’s on a slight power trip just from being able to drive a vehicle. If he ever does rule over the world one day, I fear he may explode from the sheer ego-high of it.

Anyway, on the way to Fort Knox they get stuck behind a rather slow transport truck. Well, Brain can’t have that! He’s got to get back to the lab by 8 am after all!

“Pinky! Prepare to pass a slow-moving vehicle!”

“Righty-o, Brain!”

Again, Pinky, I’m pretty sure you really aren’t supposed to stick your ass and chest out while saluting. You’re supposed to keep your posture straight.

…What am I saying? Pinky can’t do anything straight.

“Call me Mr. Perkins! Activate left turn indicator now.”

Aww, a little hop!~

Unfortunately it’s the wrong lever.

“…Let’s try that again, Pinky.”

“Narf! Wrong switch.”

He sits down to think and of course he gets it right that way.

Anyone else enjoying a lesson on how to drive from Pinky and the Brain? No? Just me? I mean, I already know how, but this is super cute.

“Exemplary work, Pinky!”

Brain, he just…he just pulled a switch. By accident. The fact that he’s so sincere about complimenting him for this is very cute but also very odd. I guess Brain’s in a good mood tonight.

“But we’re slowing down. Quickly, step on the gas!”

“Gas, check!”

Pinky, no!

Oh lord, he just lets himself fall directly on the gas pedal. You okay there, dude?

“Maintain pedal pressure, Pinky!”

I don’t think he has much of a choice, Brain.

So they get beside the freight truck and the driver of it picks up his CB radio mic.

“Hey, breaker breaker one nine, this here’s Big Red. Eh…what’s your handle, good buddy? Over.”

“The name’s Perkins. MISTER Perkins. Just an average, non-descript motorist.”

Wh—Why is there a CB radio installed in the Acme Lab minivan?

Pinky chooses this moment to lift himself off the gas pedal and then jump back on it in a weirdly showy, semi-acrobatic way. The first screencap has the tip of his tail almost in the shape of a heart, so I had to include it.

Our duo pass by the freight truck. Needless to say, the truck driver is still pretty rattled by his run-in with “Mr. Perkins”.

“I gotta quit eatin’ them double onion chili dogs!…”

Usually people just run with it on this show, but this is one of those rare moments where a human being doesn’t inexplicably fall for one of Brain’s horrible human disguises.

The minivan’s grill looks like teeth here and it’s almost menacing.

Uh oh, Brain’s getting dozy.

“Pinky…I’m in need of some music to keep myself raptly alert. And use the cruise control this time so we don’t lose speed!”

I don’t know why I’m so charmed by Pinky pressing the cruise control button like this, but it’s very cute.

“Cruise control on, Br—aaaerr—umm, Mr. Perkins!”

He is trying his best. :3c

“[yawn] Stellar, Pinky. Now see if you can locate a local radio station frequency.”

“Narf! Wrong knob…”

Smacking the hell out of the right knob make the radio explode into a loud yet incredibly mild generic rock tune. I’m surprised Pinky’s so alarmed. I wonder if Brain—

JEEZUS FUCK! You gotta stop giving me a heart attack with these sudden messed up close-ups of Brain, episode!

“Turn off the radio, Pinky!”

“Heeey! This knob’s loose!”

Aaaand there he goes.

“Oohoo ahaha! What’d’ya know? The lighter works!”

I wonder if Pinky knows what that’s actually for at this point, considering his utter disdain for smoking later in the spin-off?

“The radio, Pinky!”

“Ooo, right. Almost forgot!”

Uh oh.

“Whew. Suddenly I feel downright feverish, I do…”

Pinky has become a Charmander, and he’s not happy about it.

So he’s screaming and shouting his verbal tics all over the place and what’s Brain’s reaction?

“There’s no need for you to entertain me personally, Pinky. I’m quite awake now.”

BRAIN! You wipe that smug smile off your face right now, you little jerk! I know Pinky will be okay because he always is, but still.

One screen wipe later…

“Kentucky, Pinky! We made it!”

“All right, Brain!”

“Mister PERKINS!”

Brain, I think Pinky’s just not into this roleplay tonight. Or it might be your trillby. Lose the damn trillby.

“Fort Knox is mere miles away. Nothing can stop us now!”

Well, looks like you jinxed yourself.

I’ve got no love for cops, but his “what the fuck” expression here is choice.

“Good evening, officer. Was I exceeding the speed limit?”

“By about a hundred miles an hour.”

Oh, is that all? They’d need to be over by, like, a thousand or so miles an hour to make as good of a time as they did getting here.

Maybe this guy is going to arrest them for breaking the laws of time and space.

“I’m sorry, y’see—“

Shining a flashlight directly into your eyes? Yup, this is definitely a cop.

“I’m Mr. Perkins, an average, non-descript—“

“Can I see your license and registration, please?”

And then Pinky immediately interrupts the shakedown with a happy, matter-of-fact “We don’t have any! Zort! :D” and now my mind wanders off into let’s-overanalyze-the-shit-out-of-this-joke-scene territory because… Look at this. A cop pulls over a vehicle from Acme Labs doing about a hundred miles over the speed limit and finds Brain, a mouse in a suit trying to pass as a human driver. Then Pinky, who is dressed in no such disguise because why would Brain ever think of an obviously important detail ever in one of his plans, pops up to say that they don’t have a driver’s license.

…So what does this scene look like at this point from the cop’s perspective? Besides the very rare outlier like the truck driver from before, humans usually take Brain’s word for it that he’s also human, no matter how shoddy his disguise is. There are a few possibilities here, and I honestly can’t decide which is funniest:

1.      The cop can see through Brain’s poor disguise just like the truck driver from earlier can, and knows that these are actually two mice that have stolen a truck and have been speeding down the highway with it.

2.      The cop thinks Brain is a very odd-looking human without a driver’s license who’s been driving down the highway at insane speeds with his loose pet talking mouse by his side.

3.      The cop believes that Brain really is an odd-looking human who has no license and has been wildly speeding down the highway and also there’s an equally odd-looking human man with him who is stark naked for some mysterious reason.

I’ll let you decide which one is the most likely canon scenario as we continue as Brain tries to clear up this scenario.

“If you must know, we are two lab mice out to control the world by seizing its gold assets. But when we assume power, rest assured our budget will result in substantial new funding for law enforcement.”

…

Leave it to Brain to truthfully spell out his global domination intentions for no good reason and then lie his little mousey ass off to try and bribe his way out of going to jail.

Also, again, it’s “when we assume power” and not “when I assume power”. Hmm.

“…Oh.”

“Bwuhyuube… Be--best be on your way, then.”

“Thank you, officer.”

I’d say I was surprised that white privilege extends even to white lab mice here but…that would be a lie.

“Oh man, I do miss them witless teenage speed demons…”

So they finally make it to Fort Knox.

…And I guess the Warner siblings do, too!

The two mice have parked on a hill overlooking their target and gosh Brain, you’re looking extra pudgy here.

“It’s time to make our move, Pinky.”

Judging by the look on his face here, I think Pinky just noticed how thicc Brain’s behind has suddenly gotten.

Nevertheless, they begin their pollen assault on the guards.

Finally, the moment has arrived!

Brain’s head is shaped like a football and is almost as wide as Pinky is tall here, but besides that this is a cool shot.

This bit was also used in the spin-off’s theme for some reason, but now it will forever remind me of the absolute chaotic laughter that erupted when I got some friends to sit down and watch an episode of PatB. The stream decided to stop on this specific shot for buffering and they all just lost it. Most of the reaction was through voice on Discord, but luckily there were some friends using text chat too:

I live for moments like these when we’re streaming shows and movies.

“Egad! This is even better than a Ducktales episode, Brain!”

That’s pretty high praise, Pinky. I love the shadowing done on him here as well.

“Pinky… Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“Wha—I think so, Brain, but balancing a family and a career? Oof, it’s all too much for me!”

Pinky did…did you see all this gold and immediately begin envisioning yourself using the money to settle down and start a family?!? And so far in this series you aren’t dating anyone and you probably don’t even know anyone besides Brain and…

Okay, listen, I know it’s established later on that Pinky has wishes and daydreams about having a very domestic life, culminating in that one “Somewhere That’s Green” parody fantasy where he and Brain live together like a 50s couple in the Elmyra spin-off but… But…!

Well, you’ll kind of get a family along with your world domination “career” in a few years, Pinky. It’s probably not going to be quite how you envisioned it, though.

“The gold, Pinky! It’s all ours. Let’s move it out!”

Umm…

“One…two…three…and lift!”

I just realized that out of context the poses and faces in this screencap could look, uhh, questionable. But will that stop me from sharing it? No.

“I believe my plan has a…fatal flaw…”

About 27.4 pounds worth of a fatal flaw. You two might have super strength in comparison to other mice, but it looks like you both have a hard limit.

“I am in intense pain, Pinky.”

“Ditto, Brain. Zort!”

Well, okay, I guess it’s good that you are both cartoons, then. You boys should be able to shrug this off pretty quickly, especially Pinky.

OH GOD!

Is this what all those nightmarish close-ups of Brain were preparing me for?!?

“Fear not, Pinky, for the unwieldy atomic weight of gold will not thwart us tomorrow night.”

“Why? What are we doing tomorrow night, Brain?”

“The same thing we do every night, Pinky… Try to take over the world!”

You know, most cartoons would settle for them just being covered in bandages. Not Animaniacs, though. In Animaniacs were have to know that their removal from under the gold bar was so difficult and painful that fur was pulled out and they were left with bare, raw patches of skin. T-thanks, Warner Brothers?

Let’s end with a somewhat longer cameo appearance, as I suspect at this point Tumblr will have another fit if I try to combine two full episodes again.

The very next episode of Animaniacs has a skit called Hercule Yakko, which is a vague parody of Hercule Poirot mysteries. We get a good handful of cameos from the stars of other Animaniacs skits as passengers on a luxury cruise boat on the Nile.

The basic premise is that the Marita, one of the Hip Hippos, awakens in the middle of the night to find her comically large diamond necklace missing. The Warner siblings are a detective team who happen to also be onboard the ship and offer to help the hippo couple find it.

Before you ask, yes, this is the same episode as the infamous “fingerprints” joke.

Eventually the Warner siblings begin to go around knocking on the doors of the other passengers’ rooms to ask questions. They come across Slappy Squirrel first, who knows nothing about the missing diamond and just wants to be left alone to sleep. Then they meet Minerva Mink and, well, you can guess how that went. Then Yakko knocks on the last door.

“YES?”

Smol.

Look at them in their matching lederhosen! That’s absolutely adorable. Bravo to whichever of the mice had the idea for these “disguises”.

“Did you steal a big diamond?”

“No. We are Swiss hikers on holiday.”

Okay so maybe I’ll deduct a few points for wearing lederhosen, which is more associated with Bavaria and Germany, but claiming to be Swiss. Not that people in Switzerland didn’t also wear it, but you’d probably want to make your cover story as unsuspicious as possible, right? And that’s not even going into the idea of wearing a garment made from leather in hot, hot Egypt. These mice must be drenched in sweat…

“Look at me, Brain! I’m Heidi! Yodelehe-NARF!~”

Well at least someone in this duo is trying his best to reference things from Switzerland.

…Brain is the one that fucked up the lederhosen cultural background thing, isn’t he? Goddammit, Brain.

He just bonks the hell outta Pinky and silently slams the door in Yakko’s face.

After briefly talking with Marita, Yakko exclaims that he knows where the diamond is and asks that everyone assemble together in the state room. And so they do!

Aww, they’re sharing a chair because they are so, so tiny. :3c

“You’re probably all wondering why I called you here!”

“To reveal the thief?!?” says everyone in unison.

Minerva, you’re looking kind of weird in that second pic.

“No. It’s because you can’t play charades with three people.”

“That’s it! I’m goin’ back to bed.”

“So am I. I didn’t take the diamond!”

Man, Minerva really got a raw deal in the 90s. She only has two episode skits of her own and makes a few tiny cameos elsewhere, like in this one. I get that she was put on the back-burner as a character because her skits were considered “too suggestive”—and to be honest they were a bit over the top—but there are certainly ways that you can write a character who uses their sex appeal for comedic effect without it being disrespectful. It’s a shame they never tried to tweak the tone of her episodes just a tad.

But anyway, mice!

Brain is looking at Minerva with…worry? Concern? Confusion? Which is a very atypical reaction to Minerva. Gee, I wonder why.

Pinky is Looking Respectfully.

I’m never going to get over how cute they look in these outfits.

“I also am innocent.”

“Umm… I may have done it! I walk in my sleep, you know.”

Pinky, sweetie, I know you’re trying in your own odd little way to help but there’s no way you’d be able to carry a diamond of that size.

BONK!

This is the very last clear shot that the mice are in and it’s not very significant but I liked the angle of it.

Oh, you’re asking who took the diamond? No one did. The diamond was lodged in Marita’s butt fat the entire time. It’s the typical style of “humour” from skits with the Hip Hippos. Now you all know why no one is clamouring for their return in the reboot.

That’s it for this post, though. I should have the next episode that I promised would go with this one up in a day or two.

See you next time, folks, when we go off to the races!

[your-turn-to-role]

Top 5 favorite Vax moments?

i love you people, really i do

(and also my rogue boy)

(and also answering asks when i should be doing theatre homework but fuck it analysing critical role is way more interesting than analysing romeo and juliet in a language i don’t speak)

okay first off know picking just five is impossible and honestly if i were to list every scene i loved about vax we’d have like a hundred, but here’s what’s on my mind at the moment

5. “I have been here before, and I will be here again!”

i love the twins, i love their history, i love their dumb sibling fights, and i love that they have a bear they’ve grown up with that sometimes vex will set loose on her brother during said sibling fights

(but also said bear is not immune to vax)

(really the entire beach prank scene is fantastic, if you wanted to watch, part 1, part 2)

4. Defeating Thordak

first of all - what is with vax and climbing dragons. he has ranged attacks, he doesn’t have to, but like... brimscythe he killed with his usual “run up the dragon’s tail to the head and stab until they stop moving” thing. umbrasyl, he also did that (though didn’t get the killing blow). vorugal he could fly but spend most of the time hovering uncomfortably close to the dragon until he got knocked out of the sky. thordak, again, clung to his head, stabbed until the dragon stopped moving. raishan, hovered uncomfortably close to until he got knocked out of the sky.

but on a serious note about this scene, those super dramatic moments are always fun, and vax clinging to the head of the dragon that killed his mother, the entire reason he became specifically an oath of vengeance paladin, as thordak flies the two of them down into that dark hole and vex goes “vax, be careful!” over the earring, it’s just, real fuckin good

and then we have the actual scene itself and honestly it’s rare to find vax moments that are purely vax moments because he’s so defined by his relationships with other people? almost every moment i could think to list in this post specifically revolves around another person, people say he’s the brooding emo stereotype but like, he’s really not, because that archetype is so characterised by being a loner and vax’ildan “what the fuck do we have in this world except moments with each other” vessar is the complete opposite.

but this is one of those rare few. and like... thordak shaking vax off but vax catching up to him because he’s a hasted flying rogue and can move 240ft and still have two actions left, actually getting justice for his mother, whatever the fuck whisper did where it just turned into a sword for a bit, it was real good

(and then also vex catching up right after and this hug and vex’s quiet “you did it” and just aaahhhh i love)

3. Again, the beard prank

already linked this in the other ask for funniest moments, but like, this scene, it’s so short but so good, it makes me laugh as much now as it did the first time i watched it and i love him so much

2. Charmed by the Briarwoods, the second time

for two reasons here. well, maybe three. first, i just love this disaster bi and The Way He Is When He Gets Charmed, like... vex asks where he is, and his response is “uh..... i’m on top of a thing... i can see very far... everybody is very attractive up here” i adore him

but i also just love how liam played vax being charmed, and like... the very subtle shifting of loyalties? like, matt tells him he can respond, just he considers the briarwoods his closest allies, over vox machina, and he plays that very well, you can see even in everyone else’s reactions to the “where are you?”, like... vax knows they probably got out of there, the briarwoods expected them to die but vax has too much confidence in his friends for that, so he’s anticipating what would be the next best thing for the briarwoods, which is not having any loose members of vox machina wandering around

but at the same time he’s also just asking because there’s some part of his brain that registers he shouldn’t be alone, his friends should be with him, why aren’t they with him? (and like, you can see he gets really confused when vex attacks)

BUT THEN ALSO delilah asks him a direct question and he lies to her?? because telling the truth would put vex in danger?? like matt makes him roll a wis check to see if he’s even capable of it, he’s still charmed, and like, outwardly he doesn’t even really understand that vex and delilah are enemies right now, he’s just like “yes we’re all friends we should all be together”, but some part of him knows that if delilah knew vex was alive, vex would get hurt, and he’s physically incapable of betraying his twin

(and also, though it didn’t work out because of the raven queen deal, i did love the brief thing we got with vax wanting to follow sarenrae and the fact that he uses her to protect them there and just aaaaaaaaaaahhhh)

1. ....am I allowed to count the entirety of episode 57? fuck it, i’m doing it

seriously i can’t pick a favourite moment here. this episode has everything.

it’s his first visit to the raven queen, which is super interesting, it’s the first time that like... vax’s genuine long standing belief in fate is acknowledged, because he barely knew before this that the raven queen held dominion over fate as well as death, keyleth didn’t really know vax was a big believer in fate and got really worried that the raven queen was filling his head with lies, but like... he brought it up first. “this was always supposed to happen, wasn’t it?”

and it’s not the first time the raven queen’s talked to him (or even him to her) but it’s the first time after he really accepts it and, it’s an interesting scene to watch

(it also parallels really interestingly with the percy scene too but that’s a post for another time)

it’s got cute twin stuff after when vax is still pretty out of it from all that (and also him falling asleep on trinket which is also very cute)

even more cute twin stuff after dinner, when he wants to talk to her about percy and they’re both just ridiculous

it’s got further grog and vax pranks (grog spilling the oil very obviously outside his door, vax rolling a 31 to notice it and just looking at it for several seconds, and then picking up as much as he can hold and using it to write immature bullshit all over grog’s door)

laura: i walk by as he’s doing this and say-

vax: d’you wanna help?

vex: you know he can’t read, right?

vax: i picked specifically small words!

percy: preschoolers run amok in my gentle abode.

vax: get busy living or get busy dying

and then, you know, if you’re in an angst mood, you get what you think is a gilmore scene (and i do also love the fact that even though they’re not together and vax would never think of cheating on keyleth, he still takes a second in front of the mirror to make sure he looks good, which is something he has never done for anyone else ever), followed by, the most shocking and effective betrayal in this entire goddamn show!

(which is another real fun scene)

[soundwavefucker69]

Okay so I have never played fire house or whatever the fuck it is that makes people argue about religion and eugenics and gays on my Twitter timeline but @trickstarbrave wants to know my thought process on how the game works so here we go.

I am told it is like a chess game. It is not. The most important tasks in the game are clearly drinking tea with waifus so it is obviously a fucking dating sim. And it is a broken one. You can play as a man or a woman but they are the same person and romance people. Clearly this shit is fucking broken because as a bisexual man you cannot romance the pretty smart boy in yellow that plays himself off as being a himbo because he is the only character there with functional braincells. If this was a dating sim that worked he would be bi. And you could romance him with tea and shit.

You evidently play as a teacher or something but you teach?? Everyone?? Even though they're all trying to kill each other? I don't know what kind of fucked up "I can fuck everyone except the people I actually want to fuck so I have diplomatic immunity and you can't charge me with treason" bullshit this is but I fuck with it. Also if you're a teacher I don't think you should be trying to fuck your students but whatever it's a fucking dating sim so clearly ethics do not apply here because we all have teacher fetishes. I think you may be an assassin or something and I have no idea why people are letting assassins with very OBVIOUS political disloyalties teach different royal people in wartime but hey. Fetishes. We don't have to worry about Byleth acting like an assassin in a time of war because people want to fuck them so clearly we can trust them.

So the two blondes are like?? Siblings or something but they're trying to kill each other. As siblings do. Hey I'm not judging I once hit my brother with a stick and knocked him out we all have our bad days. But apparently the sister is like a war criminal or something? So the brother probably has better motivations than me. I was just mad my brother lit me on fire. Honestly I would not want to touch that family drama with a ten foot pole which is why the yellow one that is pretty and smart is CLEARLY the better option. Also the fandom keeps trying to make the yellow one a white boy when he is CLEARLY not what the hell is wrong with you all? The blue one is a white boy. THAT is white.

And now there is a purple boy and somehow it has spawned a day of reckoning in the fandom because now it's a question of if the purple twink is more fuckable than the blonde twink turned twunk (there's a time skip and now the blonde boy is sad and only has one eye? I think his sister took it out? Honestly these dating sims are getting out of hand.)

And I think the purple boy is like a criminal and in charge of other criminals? One of them is in for tax evasion? I honestly cannot tell if that's canon or a fandom joke. At this point I guess anything goes. Clearly they are all white collar criminals or they have some kind of serial killer fashion designer locked up in jail with them with questionable snuggling affiliations to get those fabrics.

Anyways it seems like the only leader or royal person or whatever with any functioning braincells is the yellow boy. He's like a moose or something? An elk? Why are they all so obsessed with animals? Anyways this game is a fucking mess and I refuse to acknowledge it as a fucking chess game. It's a goddamn dating sim and everyone is taking it way too fucking seriously. I have only made this post because SOMEONE wanted to know my thoughts on it. They want to get me a switch lite and the game just to see my reactions when I actually play it so we'll see how THAT shit goes. I want the purple boy DLC. I need to find that designer. I know they're in there.

[ralfstrashcan]

3x08 Reaction / Commentary

Clary is so rebel putting her hands up first and then dropping her stele lol.

“So you can salt-ify her, too, when she inevitably attacks.” Great thinking, Luke! Also, how did they know it's salt? Did they lick it?

Ohhhhhhh I like where this is going!!

Ominous Elevator Rattling Powers Activate!

FunFact: I thought the shadow moving on the wall behind them was some demon Lilith summoned but it was just Simon's shadow. Oh dear.

Instant Sunroom Powers Activate!

Also, Lilith is a dirty liar. They totally didn't 'stay exactly where we are.’ (Also, now I'm having Reichenbach Fall Flashbacks.)

But what's with the other disciples? Do they get texts with the new address of the moved hang out spot? Man, that sunroom's gonna be so crowded.

........you mean New York, right, because the Lightwoods were banished from Idris for being in the Circle, which is why the Lightwood kids grew up in the NY Institute? *sigh*

.........because any orphaned Shadowhunter immediately gets tossed out into the streets instead of being raised by other Shadowhunters, you know, to be a soldier and serve the heavenly duty of killing demons. Makes sense. Okay, sorry, I get it. Jace is trying to get into Alec's head and it's clearly working and that scene was totally dramatic, but... it also didn't make sense.

How the hell does Possessed!Jace know about that? Alec had two opportunities to talk to him about his drama with Magnus (in 3x05 and in 3x06) and he chose to evade the topic altogether both times. In case he didn't change his mind off-screen and talked to him in the short time between Jace allegedly returning from the City of Bones and them discovering his possession (time that was spend with Maryse at the Hunter's Moon btw) then Jace can't know it from Alec. So, where did this knowledge magically appear from? @kaysgreenery suggested that Lilith did some research on Magnus's dating history and taught Jace all the details but why the hell would she do that. I'd like to think that this Possessed!Jace has the ability to somehow warp into the thoughts and minds of the people around him and snatch information on how to hurt them the best, but.... I don't think that's the case or that it will even be addressed how he learned that.

Again, arguing with possessed people. I still don't get it. Then again, from Simon I don't really expect more. (Sorry, Simon.)

.....yeah, Disgraced-Ex-Circle-Member-turned-Downworlder-who's-not-even-allowed-to-enter-Alicante, do tell how you plan to get that intel.

................................dude you're so sounding like Clary right now it's not even funny anymore. So yeah, thank you Izzy for being the voice of reason.

For a second there I got my hopes up that they were going to address Possessed!Jace's mindreading-powers. </3

Alec doesn't approve, lol. But I'm super into it. Lightwood siblings gooooo!! Also, love that face.

This sounds like they're gonna dive into Jace's subconsciousness or dreamscape or whatever and this would be so cool!!!!

1) Pretty skylight 2) I acknowledge that that Equilibrium Rune does make sense on the wall

Yo but why was he standing there holding the sword? He could have put it in its fancy stand as soon as he arrived. And why wasn't it on the fancy stand from the get-go? Where do they store it when there's no trial?

Sassy. I like it.

Yeah, way to misunderstand your assignment, dude. Did you even go back to that building or did you go straight to Maia to whine a little? *sigh*

“Right now, bigger fish to fry.”

Wow, finally someone who can prioritize sensibly. I'm impressed.

Yeah, a decision that should have been Simon's. Because he's the one who the case is about. And if he's constantly hating on Kyle that's helping no one. Just sayin'.

“I'll still take my not-magically-invincible girlfriend with me, you know, just in the unlikely case I get the upper hand and Lilith needs some leverage.”

Seriously, this whole Mark Business started because he was up against someone more powerful (the Seelie Queen) that held Maia hostage and blackmailed him into obeying. Didn't he learn from that?? Apparently not.

Especially because the Vampire nose at their disposal seems to be malfunctioning, falling out of commission whenever the Plot calls for it.

That smile tho.

“Especially when the Clave kicked you to the curb for breaching the Accords, slaughtering Downworlders.” Yeah, those werewolves really look like they're seconds from throwing Maryse a welcoming party.

“Well, then a deruned ex-Circle member is the last person you should be talking to.” Lightwood Women being extra reasonable this Episode, I dig it!

Also, how exactly does Luke want to “negotiate Clary's release”? I mean, call me old-fashioned, but I thought you needed leverage for a negotiation. What exactly does Luke have to offer the Clave in exchange? A few Selfies? (They might actually go for that lol.)

I'm sooo calling bullshit on this because of Maryse's behavior during the entirety of Season 1, but whatever. Also, “was having an affair with”? Does that mean Robert's relationship with this Anne-Marie person fell through? Why? In the two weeks tops that passed since 2x16? I need answers!

Luke/Maryse-Shippers crying in the distance. What is that pairing even called? Luryse? Marke? Lightluke? lol. Lightway?? (Tho that's probably a li'l ambiguous cuz there are several Lightwoods. And now I imagined Luke with Robert. Ew.)

YEAH I LIKE THAT

Imagine, if you could harness the luminous power of Parabatai Runes you'd never need electricity again.

NO WAY ALEC I THOUGHT HE WAS  A C C I D E N T A L L Y  THWARTING YOUR ATTEMPT AT RESCUING JACE

Dramatic Stare is Dramatic

What the hell dude lol are you trying to get yourself kicked out of the van (possibly while it's still in motion)?? Seriously. This I-know-you-so-much-better-than-your-current-boyfriend-talk is waayyyy out of character for how Kyle behaved towards Maia and Simon so far so what the hell.

On a different note, I find it very intriguing that Simon doesn't feel temperature (and is maybe even immune to very low or very high temperatures?) and I'd love to see this explored in the show.

Okay but what are the chains chained to? Magnus's furniture?? (There's not one shot where you can see where they end. Very frustrating. They're probably chained to Plot Convenience.)

That is a fine comeback.

What was Magnus even doing? He couldn't have been prepairing because he was prepared already when they tried earlier. So, what was he doing? Reapplying his make-up maybe?

Okay, but Alec's eyes were already rolling back in his head earlier

did he specifically un-roll them again

to have the last roll??

Drama Queen. Magnus chose wisely.

THAT HAIR FLICK I CAN'T

This confirms like every head canon I have on how incredibly badass Izzy is and always was, so thank you. I always had the feeling that she's probably a better fighter than Jace but didn't show it because she knew he needs the limelight and she doesn't. Also, they have super limited time and the first thing they do is watching sweet childhood memories. Priorities.

Well, I would hold hands in that case, just to be sure.

.........could have prevented this from happening. *sigh*

Lilith killed all those Seelies, does that mean she has to stay in the Seelie Realm now and that the Seelie Queen owns her life? lol

So that exchange between them was kinda enlightening but also not at all because whaaaat. Can't Lilith just track Jace, the person she herself possessed? That's a little inconvenient and dumb because she's ass powerful but can't do this easy thing? If the Mark of Cain can only be borne by a Daylighter and is also the only thing that can banish Lilith, does that mean there was a Daylighter before who bore that Mark and banished Lilith? Or was she never on earth before and banished, in which case, how does she know that's the only thing that can banish her? How do her visits to the Seelie Realm work? I thought you need to be summoned to leave your home dimension as a demon so if she was in the Seelie Realm before could she have easily walked over into the Real World as well? Was the Seelie Queen alive when Lilith last visited the Seelie Realm (which would have been at least during the time of her predecessor) or do they have pictures of her somewhere so that's why she knows what Lilith looks like? Also, that line with the complexion

is rich, coming from the Seelie Queen, like seriously, glass houses, bricks.

Same, Jia. Because what the hell, Clary.

One, I don't get why Clary told her the truth about the wish when she didn't have to, like, wasn't it her main goal to keep that truth from ever coming out?? Why would she just spill? Just because it was a dramatic gesture? Then again I also don't understand why those guards tried to restrain her immediately after she let go of the sword, like, did they want to put her back in her cell right away? And why does she need to be unrestrained to talk? Why not just put the sword back on its fancy stand and make her touch it again to tell the rest of the story? So many questions.

Two, the wish from the angel wasn't a one-time-voucher to kill everything with demon blood. Clearly, because Clary used it to bring back Jace. It was simply a wish that could be shaped by the person making the wish. So just because that wish was powerful enough that it could be used for mass murder doesn't mean the wish itself is inherently evil?! What the hell, Clary. It's like she's trying to argue why using the wish was like a public service to Shadowhunter Society?! Who's going to believe that?? At least she didn't say something pathetic like “To you, an insurmountable evil is a world overrun by demons, to me it's a world without Jace in it” because, honestly, I was half expecting her to, lol.

Sidenote: Until the end of Season 2 the Shadowhunters hadn't even figured out that the Mortal Mirror was in fact Lake Lyn, so without Clary figuring out what the Mortal Mirror was, still having that wish wouldn't have done them any good. Of course the middle of the apocalypse is always the best time to try and start figuring out where the long-lost third Mortal Instrument is, so I totally see your point, Jia.

..........why would Shadowhunters allow a feral wolf pack in the forest around their capital when Downworlders aren't even allowed to set foot into Idris? That makes no sense.

...................did Luke forget to mention the weird bloody altar? What was even the point in sticking his fingers in then? *sigh*

If Jonathan's in there I will flip my shit. Lilith definitely took him with her in that fancy display vitrine.

Okay, no Jonathan, I'm relieved.... but Jonathan was clearly stored in there in 3x03, so, Show, explain yourself. Why did Lilith decide to repot him? To better stare at him longingly? (Also, why aren’t the ley lines getting corrupted again? I’ve been wondering for a few episodes about that already....)

Just don't let your phone fall in there. That would be awkward as hell. Pun intended.

........................................................Simon. Si-mon. Are you for real. I don't even have words for this level of stupidity and recklessness. But sure. Leave those two alone to fight whoever decides to come in, without your fancy forehead mark to protect them. I mean, it's not like this is the exact reason you told them to stick close to you less than five minutes ago.

Yeah well, would have been weird if he had been studying ancient demonic languages when he was still a mundane. Also, why is no one taking advantage of the great change-werewolf-pun-opportunity??

Are you shitting me why doesn't she just say she's Izzy? She has the same Runes as Young Izzy in the same spots and everything. Then again, they cast Young Izzy looking nothing like Emeraude Toubia, so I couldn't even blame Young Jace on calling bullshit and not believing her. But this line of reasoning only makes sense if Izzy is aware that her younger self looks nothing like her which she can't possibly be because they're supposed to look alike, being the same person and everything.

Okay, so their little sing along was a little touching (tho a lot ridiculous, too, sorry) but I'd be seriously creeped out if some stranger wanted to prove their legit-ness by singing my kiddie lullaby to me like what the hell man.

Those are a lot of Claries, but why are they all wearing the same thing?

Absolutely loved the whole scene with Alec and Jace.

Okay but how did Young Jace know that he needed to bring her here? Did Young and Regular Jace ever meet? I need answers!!

Thank you for this precise and not at all vague information, Luke, as always.

I can't really make sense of that Maia Kyle Whatever Scene so I'll just leave it uncommented.

Edit: Since I was delayed in posting this for several days (because my lappy decided it would be a great time to die on me) I've had some time to think about it. I didn't like the scene when I first saw it, but I couldn't really put my finger on why. Now I know it's because of the way Maia acts, I feel like this is ooc for her. Maia is unapologetic, she takes no shit from anyone. Remember how she told Kyle off in that flashback when he wanted to decide if she got to go to college or not, or how she put Russell in his place when he thought he could comment on her relationship with Simon, or even how she pre-emptively refused to apologize for hooking up with Jace when she thought Simon expected an apology? The case I'm trying to build here is that Maia is very aware of what she wants, what she will accept in regards to behavior of another person towards her, and where she draws the line, where she will put her foot down and not accept something. So seeing her basically begging Kyle to not act like he's in any way likable so she can cling to her resentment for him is strange for two reasons:

1) It makes it seem as if she's not in control of her emotions, as if her resentment is something she needs to actively fuel to maintain it. This is the stellar opposite of how she acted towards him in the last episode, where she was confidently hostile.

2) It makes it seem as if what Kyle did isn't something where it's entirely reasonable and justifiable to be angry and hurt and unforgiving about even after a long time has passed. When someone betrays and abandons you like that (like Maia undoubtedly experienced his actions) you don't really need to exert yourself to not-forgive that person. That's natural, isn't it? Of course one could argue that it's not as black-and-white here because she was in love with him and it's not like he was some stranger betraying her.... but to be honest, the way she acted towards him up until this very scene, including the flashbacks, didn't really make it seem as if their past loving relationship was influencing Maia. So I really don't get why it's suddenly the case.

I mean, I do. If Sizzy is endgame (yikes), then Simon and Maia will have to split up at some point and Maia and Kyle will probably be a thing somewhere along the way. But I feel like this current behavior isn't really ic for Maia and that's why it annoys me, even though I have nothing against the pairing Maia/Kyle per se.

Where they seriously trying to make it seem as if Izzy would kill Jace lol I didn't believe that for a second. I was also totally distracted by the fact that she licked her lips and her lip stick stayed on fleek like how do you do that Izzy let me in on your secret powers please.

Leaving all that aside this scene was perfectly acted and very intense..... but. I don't know if that makes me really insensitive or something, but they were under immense time pressure. If all it took to get them back was grabbing hold of each other's hands I really don't get why Alec and Izzy didn't do just that. There would have been enough time to placate Jace when they were back in their own bodies without the very real threat of getting lost in Jace's mind forever hanging over their heads. Of course it would have been a shock for Jace to be ripped out of his environment and be thrown back into his body, but honestly, he must be so heavily traumatized by all that Lilith did to him that this little thing wouldn't even register in comparison. So yeah, call me heartless, but it would have been more efficient to grab Jace and talk him down once they were safe.

I'm asking again. How did the Seelie Queen know where Jace was? And, seriously, why didn't Lilith think to check Magnus's appartment, I mean she must know Alec is Jace's parabatai and that Magnus is Alec's boyfriend and a powerful warlock. When Jace didn't come back to her it would have been reasonable to assume that the other Shadowhunters had gotten to him and would try to save him, seeking out capable help.

Soooooo Magnus is officially Asmodeus's favorite. Dubious honor.

I don't know if it's the camera angle or that cute eyebrow crunch, but to me Magnus looks so much like a cat while Lilith is choking him, so I was inappropriately cooing during this scene. Shame on me.

If those are the chains immediately after Lilith takes Jace... does that mean he was chained to himself the whole time??? Like, ankles to wrists?????

Edit: Found a BTS pic that explains it:

So apparently there are these neat anchorages that anchor the chains to..... the fluffy rug!! Extremely durable and a hundred percent tearproof!!! Hell yeah.

I get that Alec feels super guilty but honestly, think about it. If he'd killed Jace he wouldn't have killed his body. He would have killed his consciousness, his soul maybe. Meaning the possession would have been given free reign over his body. Killing Jace while they where inside his mind would have killed the last part that was fighting against the possession. It would have made everything way worse.

Funny you say that like it's a cute quirk when really it's pretty invasive and selfish.

Oh man, those subtitles totally ruined the suspense. (Also, how is Clary supposed to learn and understand when she's dead, lol.)

I'm so thrilled to find out how they're gonna get rid of that death sentence. Or will Clary be a fugitive from the law for 3B? I'd totally be up for that, too.

(Gif Source, BTS Pic Source)

[quecksilvereyes]

kings and queens

this is based on this edit by @queensusan

„Victim’s names are Helen and George Pevensie, according to their driver’s licences.“ He kneels down next to the woman who has been thrown out of the car when it hit the slam barrier. She had likely sat on the front passenger’s seat, seatbelt unbuckled. “When will people learn to use their seatbelts, honestly?”

“Did you say Pevensie?” His partner, who would retire soon and needed reading glasses, knelt down next to him. “How is that spelled?”, she asks. He shows her Helen’s licence and she pales. “Oh God.”

“Are you alright?” He puts a hand on her shoulder, the rough fabric of her jacket hard against his palm.

“You don’t know who they are, do you?” She takes off her glasses and looks at him.

The Pevensies rule this town. Some say, they could rule the world if they wished, that they could sweep up cities with a smile and a laugh and a prayer. There is no criminal that hasn’t faced them, hasn’t stared down the barrel of a gun, hasn’t choked on a knife to the throat, lips to their mouth. They’re children wielding weapons and darkness and prayers filled with blood.

They’re dangerous and he has to call them in for questioning.

 *

“Mr Pevensie, I’m just going to ask you a few questions, pure routine.”

The boy smiles, jovially, all white teeth and twinkling eyes, his glove clad hands lie folded on the table. “Of course”, he says, voice silky soft. The scar tissue on his cheek stretches as he smiles.

“How was your relationship with your parents?”

“We were estranged. I didn’t agree with their political stance and they didn’t agree with the tight bond we have.” The boy’s blond hair falls just below his ears, like golden thread caressing his cheekbones.

“Tight bond?”

He laughs, low in his throat. “They always found it curious that we didn’t fight like siblings ought to.”

“And why didn’t you? Fight, I mean?”

“I don’t know. I never felt compelled to. I think it is rather idiotic to turn against each other for sweeties.” He smiles, as if he made a clever joke.

“Well, in general siblings do fight over idiotic things: toys, food, their parent’s love, accomplishments at school, the list is endless. And a five year old, for example, rarely understands the concept of sharing.”

“I thought this was about my parents, detective.”

“Of course. What do you mean by ‘political stance’?”

“They believed in pacifism and listening to every point of view. A rather short sighted affair.”

He furrows his brows. “Short sighted?”

The boy, Peter, the one who allegedly rules the rulers, the one they call king, the one they kill for, smiles again, wide and friendly. “Well, sometimes you cannot respond with peace to violence, detective.”

“I see.” He clears his throat. This smile makes the hair on his neck stand upright and he can’t tell why. “Was it a habit of your mother’s not to use a seatbelt?”

“No. She always wore it and wouldn’t let father drive without it. I take it she wasn’t wearing it?”

“Thank you for your time, Mr Pevensie.” He holds out his hand and Peter takes it, the fabric of the glove feels soft against his palm, and warm. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

*

 “Already done with that family?” Jane, who is on guard duty, grins at him. “They’re exhausting, assholes, aren’t they?”

“He was pretty cooperative actually. He just creeps me out. How is a guy in his early twenties this calm and collected?”

“He probably wanted information from you. Cause of death there yet?”

“ME’s still working on it, but I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be a variation of ‘didn’t see the road turn and slammed against the window’.” He opens the file they keep on Peter Pevensie. “This little? I thought he’s a huge terrifying crime boss.”

Jane shrugs. “That’s why we don’t have much. Guy’s too cautious to let us find out anything more than where he went to school and that he was rushed to the emergency hospital years ago. Him and his brother had a disagreement that ended in a little stabbing.”

“Strange.”

“Why?” She takes a gulp of her coffee. “We know they’re violent bastards, the lot of them.”

“He just told me they didn’t fight. Apparently that was the reason why them and the parents didn’t talk much.”

“I mean, it’s probably the fact that they run around killing people and then going to church, still blood stained.”

“Another rumour?”

“I can’t count them all. Apparently the small one, Lucy, is a devoted Christian and makes them all pray after they kill someone. No one has figured out where they pray, though, and the priests are either helping them or don’t know. It’s infuriating.”

He hums.

*

 “Miss Pevensie, right?”

She smiles, cherry red lips and black hair twisted into a knot at the back of her head. “I didn’t marry within the last few days, if that is what you are asking.”

“Well, Miss Pevensie, I hear that your relationship with your parents wasn’t the best.”

She cocks her head. “Is that a statement or a question, detective?”

He coughs. “A statement. Do you know why your relationship with your parents was troubled?”

“We didn’t see eye to eye.” She leans forward, the fabric straining against her skin. He blinks. “They didn’t agree with our life choices.”

“Your life choices?”

“Our parents are traditional people. Wait until marriage, go to church every Sunday, don’t even think about issues that didn’t publicly arise until about fifty years ago.” She laughs, a quiet pleasant laugh behind deep red lips.

“And you’re not?” He clears his throat. “Traditional, I mean.”

She cocks her head. She paints poison on her lips and drinks the secrets spilling from dying lips, hair impeccable, smiling. “No”, she says. “I don’t agree with traditional.”

“You do go to church.”

“I go to church when I please, detective, not because the calendar tells me to.”

He nods. “Did your parents take safety seriously?”

“In what way?” She leans forwards.

“Well, we found sedatives in both their systems, quite substantial amounts. Where they in the habit of driving drunk?”

Susan furrows her brows. “No”, she says. “Mother wouldn’t let father drive if he even had just half a glass of wine.”

“Can you think of a reason why they would do it on that particular day?”

She leans back and smiles. “I’m sorry”, she says. “But I cannot help you with that.”

He thinks about the scar on Peter’s cheek and the poison on her lips.

*

 “Goddamn it she’s pretty.”

Jane grins. “Told you. She’s one of the most beautiful people you’ll ever see.”

“And secretive. I thought Peter didn’t say much but questioning her is like pulling teeth. She says a lot and when she’s done and out you figure out she said so little you could’ve asked the next door neighbour.”

“What did she say?”

“Parents don’t agree with their values and that they drove responsibly.”

“That’s it?” Jane puts down the crossword puzzle she was brooding over and folds the newspaper.

“Well, she said a lot more, but she didn’t tell me anything else. Please tell me her file is larger.”

“Sorry, not really. All we know are stories without proof.”

“Didn’t you say she’s immune to the poison she uses to kill people?”

“Allegedly. But we can’t place her at any of the crime scenes and without proof it’s pretty hard to pin her down. It’s a wonder she even agreed to talk to you.”

“I’m pretty sure they’re all using me for information. Susan and Peter seemed eager to figure out details without giving me any.” He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “Oh, cause of death is here. They were already dead when the car hit the slam barrier. Overdose.”

“With what?”

“Belladonna.” He sighs.

“That doesn’t exactly help narrowing down suspects. That stuff grows in the woods in the outer districts.”

“Exactly. And they had saved up a lot of money, seems like good old fashioned greed to me.”

Jane furrows her brows. “Susan uses it sometimes”, she says. “That’s how she kills.”

*

 “Mr Scrubb, thank you for agreeing to speak to me.”

The pale boy nods. His hair is cut in short, sharp edges around his ears. “Of course. I want to help.”

“How was your relationship with your aunt and uncle?”

The boy bites his lower lip. “I didn’t know them much. My parents thought they’d give me stupid ideas.”

“How so?”

“My parents are atheists and very rational people. They figured Aunt Helen would try to convert me.” He shuffles his feet.

“Did she?”

“She dragged me to church with Lucy and the others, but I always thought it was nonsense. Never picked up a bible until a few years ago.” He twists his hands.

“Why did you pick it up?”

“I had an eye opening experience.”

Eustace Clarence Scrubb pissed them off, called them stupid and foolish and childish and he stared down Edmund’s gun. Edmund doesn’t shoot from up close, he’s like a shadow, killing you before you realise he’s even there. He’s part of their web now, people say.

He’s so nervous, so small, so different from his cousins who ooze confidence and experience like people at least twice their age. Eustace looks and acts like the boy he is. It’s almost comforting.

“And did it do the trick? Did it convert you?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think your mother might have blamed your aunt for that?”

“I don’t know. I think so.” He runs a hand through his short hair and smiles, a shivering small smile.

“Do you think she may have been angry enough to-”

“Are you saying my aunt and uncle were murdered?” His voice is loud and shrill and there is almost something like relief in the air as the boy acts on his feelings.

“That is my current theory. I’m sorry.”

“How?”

“We found large amounts of belladonna in their systems. They were likely already dead when the car crash happened.”

“Excuse me”, the boy whispers as he storms out.

*

 “I call bullshit on the Scrubb boy working with them.” He slams his notes on his table.

Jane looks up from her newspaper. She’s still working on her crossword puzzle, several rows completely black because she crossed them out so often. “Why? Apparently he’s the one figuring out the torturing techniques.”

“He was pretty upset and ran out crying when I told him his aunt and uncle were likely murdered. He was emotional the entire time, I don’t believe that he has the detachment for what people say he does. I couldn’t even ask him if someone wanted them dead.” He sighs and thinks about what his partner told him. The Pevensies are dangerous, children with blood on their hands and in between their teeth, with prayers spilling from their lips and death on their fingertips. Anyone who angers them, who wrongs them, winds up dead.

Jane shrugs. “Maybe he’s manipulating you. I mean, he did get it out  of you that they were murdered. If he tells the Pevensies, they may figure it out a lot faster than we will.”

He nods and takes his coat from the hook.

Jane raises an eyebrow. “Where are you going?”

“Edmund Pevensie refuses to come to the station and since I don’t have enough to call him for an interrogation, I’m going to meet him in the park.” Edmund is the one he’s most curious about, the boy without face, the executor, the one who’s loyal to Peter to the grave. He was stabbed, people say. He was stabbed and he survived it, carries the scar next to the tattoo they all share, the tattoo of a lion, teeth bared, crouching down as if it would jump from their skin.

Jane cocks her head. “Good luck”, she says. “Don’t die.”

*

 “Detective?”

“Yes?” He turns around. The boy in front of him is small, lithe, his hands bare unlike his brother’s posture straight and aware. “Edmund Pevensie?”

The boy nods. The scarf he’s wearing obscures half his face and his hand lies steady at his right hip, scarred skin stretching over his knuckles. “May I?” He gestures to the park bench. The words are muffled.

“Ah, yes of course.” He nods and scoots over. Edmund sits down next to him, back straight. “So, Mr Pevensie, can you tell me if your parents had any enemies? People who would benefit from their deaths?”

The boy hums. “Aunt Alberta had a standing feud with mother, but I doubt she would have killed her over a theist disagreement.”

“According to their financial records they had saved quite a sum over the past year. Do you have any idea why?”

“They were saving up to contribute to Eustace’ tuiton. He wants to go to a very expensive private university and Aunt Alberta begrudgingly asked for help.”

“So there was money for your cousin and none for you?”

Edmund laughs, a cold, sharp sound. “Oh, no, don’t mistake this for jealousy, our parents would have done the same for us if we asked.”

“But you didn’t?”

“No. We didn’t. Is that all?”

“Yes. Thank you for your time.”

*

 “Look at this.” Jane slams a bulk of papers on his table. He picks up the first one and raises an eyebrow.

“What am I looking at?”

“Everyone who was caught with large amounts of belladonna in possession and had a reason to want to take revenge on the Pevensies. It’s mostly people who already have a police record but there’s someone standing out.” She pulls a file from the pile. “This is Jadis Charn. She’s a noble from a country I’ve never heard of and she has this garden filled with poisonous plants. She says it’s for health reasons. That already seems fishy, but the Pevensies pressed charges against her years ago because she allegedly kidnapped Edmund. According to the stories going around, she was the first person the Pevensies targeted. They didn’t exactly kill her, but she’s in a wheelchair now.”

He looks at the picture accompanying the file. A woman so pale she almost disappears into the wall stares at him. “That seems like a pretty good motive”, he says. “She knows she can’t get to them, so she does the next best thing, she kills the parents and tries to frame the children.”

*

 “Miss Pevensie -”

“You can call me Lucy.” She smiles, bright white teeth and shining eyes.

“Alright, Lucy. ” He smiles back. “Do you know someone named Jadis Charn?”

Lucy drops her hands on the table. The prosthetic replacing her right hand makes a loud banging sound. “Oh, I’m sorry, sometimes I don’t know where my limbs are.” She laughs. “Still growing, you know?” She leans back. “The name rings a bell, but I couldn’t tell you why.”

“Well, your family pressed charges against her for kidnapping your brother, Edmund.” He crosses his arms.

“Oh, that. I don’t remember it very well, I was so small when it happened.” She pulls the chair closer, muscles rising and falling and he has to think of the soaring knife burying itself in the throats of people unwise enough to cross her. “Now that you mention it, I do remember her being very pale, but I don’t know more.”

He hums. “Well, we found belladonna in your parent’s system. And your brother Edmund told us that your parents were saving up for your cousin Eustace. But from what I gather, there was no money for you?”

“Because we didn’t want it.” She shrugs. “They worked so hard, we didn’t want them to work even harder because they thought we depended on them.” She smiles again and he thinks about how they call her lioness, the muscle, the little girl with a lion’s roar beneath her teeth. “Why did you ask me about Jadis?”

“I just want to cover as much as possible, and to find out who may have wanted your parents dead, we have to dig in their past. And that includes this incident. Routine.”

Lucy cocks her head. “Of course”, she says.

*

“Miss Charn?” He knocks on the old wooden door. “Miss Charn, please open the door, I would like to ask you a few questions.”

The silence that meets him, feels heavy and strange and he knocks again. “Miss Charn, this is the police, open the door!”

When she doesn’t answer, he experimentally pushes down the door handle. The door swings open. “Oh my God”, his partner whispers next to him. The apartment is covered in mud and dirt, ripped out plants adorning the floor. “Miss Charn?”, he calls out and cautiously steps into the living room.

All of the furniture has been pushed to the walls, flowers surround the table in the middle of the room. A woman has been tied to it, pale blond hair dangling to the floor, eyes staring at the ceiling in horror. The wheelchair lies broken in the corner and a dagger protrudes from her chest, lipstick marks adorning her face.

“They found her”, he says.

 *

The Pevensies rule this town. And God have mercy on those who dare cross them and the lion sleeping in their bones.

____________________

If you enjoy my writing, consider buying me a coffee <3

[survivor-kalymnos]

Ep. 5 - “Dumb ass mode activate!” - Worm & Ep. 6 - “here's what you missed on glee” - Lenny

cranjes

yay round 5

Tristin

LENNY AND RAIN LIVED!!! Invisible edit WHO? And then Cranjes said “They aren’t playing by tribal lines over there” EYE- does that mean we are playing it over HERE? Me and Franco are ROYALLY fucked if we lose. This just cements us needing to work together and needing to win this next challenge

lenny

last tribal made me pee my pants. I am so glad our alliance worked out. I hope maxyne is okay and they can forgive me. They are a great person. Plati is going to work really hard in the next challenge. For me, I feel like I am in a strange place. If I make it after the merge. Then, I don't know who I can trust on my old tribe. I think Rain and Franco... then again, you never know for sure in this game. 

van

Thank the good fucking lord fae survived. so far they’re the only person in this game I feel I can trust. Still tryin to avaoid going to council with this small of a tribe because there aren’t many bonds formed yet. It’s so chaotic and I feel like anyone can jump ship at any time. I do like Tristan though,  they seem pretty cool and I might try to talk to them more.

Elle

I am PISSED. I hate this shit so much. I am now on the bottom. And these bitches are pretending that I will not be voted out next. This is a bunch of bullshit. Fuck Fae especially. Like this bitch really said: I'll just turn on my simple majority. They think I will still work with them come merge? Fuck that. I am ratting her out as a liar and a traitor to our big alliances. We cannot trust them. They will be the death of our game. I was so ready to pop off, but I know for certain that I need to keep my composure. If I want a chance to stay if we lose tribal council, I have to keep calm, keep nice, and keep being trustworthy. But mark my words. These people will regret the day they crossed me. Cause all who do go down. And they go down hard. 

Michele

LENNY IS SAFE YESSSSSSSSS

Elle

I will be staying awake for the entire night doing this challenge. I refuse to be going home because of a tribe swap. 

Worm

Dumb ass mode activate! Why in the hell did I think it was a smart move to be the hero. Honestly doing it was kind of a  split second decision but I don't trust anyone's ability on my tribe to put faith in to win a challenge on their own. I was guessing before it was posted  that some point a double tribal would happen with there now being three tribes and everything. My only worry now is that I don't know how I feel about all my relations with everyone on my tribe. This being an alias game is one of the hardest things I've ever done in an org. I can't call anyone which is the best way I have made trust and figured out what other people are thinking. I think I have a way with words when talking to but online I feel like I communicate like a boomer (sorry Susan).  Just not have any sense of what emotions people are putting behind their words just cause me to feel like everyone doesn't like me and I'm alone. (This also might be from me slowly losing my touch with reality as I do this challenge.) My strategy is still the same and it is to talk to people and try to keep as many options open as I can until I need to close those doors on certain people. 

Worm

It is now 4am and I'm working on this challenge and I've been working on this challenge straight for however long and put that on top of how long I've been awake in general. I legit think I'm starting to lose it. Like I was in the kitchen having an existential crisis. Like what are we.? What are we doing? What is time? Like isn't time an illusion? So by me waiting ten minutes to wait to post is actually just waiting a randomly specified length of a human life that someone decide to tell everyone that is was concrete. My brain doesn't even know tothink now its just white noise. I really hope all this work comes to fruition and that I win this challenge.

Elle

Maxyne quitting redemption is heart breaking. I was very ready to give them ride-or-die status, but it was not meant to be. Now I need to find loyal allies which I doubt I can find on this tribe with a majority against me. I know that Rain, Fae, and Lenny have an alliance because Fae let a "We" slip when we were talking about Maxyne's vote out. This "We" came to a consensus to vote out Maxyne which means that they must have an alliance chat together. This is valuable information because I can use it against them going into the merge. I just need to be careful who I use it against. If I can win individual immunity, I can set my plan into action. Right now, I want Fae gone because they have proven to be a backstabber which is not a good trait to have in an ally. They need to go sooner rather than later in order for me to thrive in this game. I stayed up all night for this challenge and have gotten barely any sleep. I took ten-minute naps which helped my sleep deprivation. Now, I just need to stay awake for these 24 hours and I have this challenge in the bag. Hopefully, the other two have fallen asleep at some point such that it puts me in the lead. I will not know till I find out, however. I just need to keep going and avoid tribal at all costs. Tribal is the worst thing that could happen to my game at this stage. I would definitely be voted out if we were to go to tribal again. I will show everyone my resolve and why they should not mess with me in this single victory. 

Franco

Okay so WHEW, I don't know how Rain and Lenny managed to survive that tribal, but I'm so proud of them!! When the hero challenge was announced, I immediately knew I was not gonna do it, like?? i'm actually in somewhat of a good position on this tribe now, being in a majority alliance with 2 former Plati members. Tristin, however, REALLY wanted an og nera to do it. So I? obviously let him do it and told him I didn't want Cranjes to do it, which I really didn't actually care about. I feel like Tristin really shot himself in the foot this round, and that's fine w me!! We're the only 2 original nera on this tribe, and that makes us both nervous. Obviously I'd love to make it to merge w him but I'm 1000% going to let him take the fall before I do

Sasha

Tristin is worried that they'll be voted out if they lose the challenge for us and I'm trying to reassure them that it could go differently in the event we lost, but idk how differently it would go, yk? I mean, for one thing there aren't a ton of options since the tribe is Small

cranjes

so it’s like guaranteed we are losing at this point tbh. van and i are kinda unsure what to do because we’re both thinking tristin and franco are saying whatever they can to stay and tbh that could prove to be problematic. so i really don’t know what to do.

Tristin

So the challenge was announced and its a hero challenge! Me and Franco were bent on not allowing Cranjes to be the hero just because he could throw the challenge and send either me or Franco home. Since Franco didn’t volunteer and Cranjes was getting ready to, I stepped in and volunteered. We figured it would be endurance since only 1 would compete. I THOUGHT that I had the most free time out of everyone and could win this for us but twisty twistos the other team is literally vampires. So I’m currently losing and that sucks and we will probably be going to tribal. I just hope that there is some twist and there is a joint tribal council instead. If not I have two plans. 1) play like I was at the bottom of the old tribe and vulnerable to a majority alliance. 2) Try and flip Van. I think that the first may not work bc of Franco and the latter possssiblyyy may depending on Van’s relationship with the others. I’m getting a defeatist attitude and can’t wait to face Frank at redemption island. We shall see tho.

Tristin

So I should have kept that both tribes go to tribal council a secret ajdksksks

Van

Fear. It feels like I have power in my tribe, but that just puts a target on my back and I don’t like it. I have people telling me they’ll follow what I want to do, but are they telling the truth or am i actually at the bottom? Stay tuned ig 

Van

Jay pls get me back to fae. I lit rally trust no one 

Michele

The game is definitely taking a turn at this tribal. Theres rumors of idols and they could potentially be the end of my game if used against me. Best case scenario Worm, Eliza, and I are able to dominate the tribe and safely make it to merge. I have to put a lot of trust in Eliza because she is by far in the safest position on our tribe. I am absolutely keeping her around for a while but I’m starting to look into who I gotta take down. For now though, I think it’s best to play it safe and solidify my alliance!

cranjes

i gave someone a nosebleed with my ass

cranjes

ok real shit. so van and i have been working with franco. we want that to be on the DL. we also want someone to beat frank at redemption. so we want tristin out. we’re painting it to sasha that they’re getting targeted by franco & tristin and that with the merge coming tristin needs to go. franco is voting sasha bc 1) keep the alliance hidden  and 2) just in case tristin has that idol.

Rain

SO! 

Maxyne went home last round in a successful 3-2. I was so stressed but I am SO THRILLED that Lenny didn’t go home! I feel horrible about lying to Elle although I guess technically I didn’t lie - I told her I wasn’t going to play an idol and send her home, and I didn’t. Lenny not going home means I’m probably going to make merge. Fuck yeah. I am in a new alliance with her and Fae called the sibling hood of the traveling idiots and we don’t talk as much as the Elizance did but we still talk! And we are all actually loyal to it, or we were last round. It’s possible that, had we gone to tribal again, it would be a one round alliance, BUT! Elle probably figured she was on the chopping block so she volunteered as our tribes hero. And a hero she was! We won immunity early because she didn’t fucking sleep! Elle I promise that I’m gonna Venmo you for a coffee once I know your identity because you deserve it you absolute icon. Now I think we either have one more round until merge OR we’re going to swap into larger tribes of 6. But the game will be pleasantly even and I love that. Eliza, Michele, and Franco, PLEASE survive this round! I need to betray y’all at the final 6! 

Franco

i'm being messy again!!!! so. obv it's between Tristin and Sasha to go home this tribal. the easiest vote for me is Sasha, they don't contribute much. BUT, I have a crackedt idea. I really like Van and Cranjes, they seem like they'd be great allies to keep around going forward. and our trio could stay under the radar if we want it to. I came up w the idea to orchestrate a vote that gives the illusion that we're sticking with original tribe lines. Tristin and I would vote Sasha, while everyone else votes Tristin. Then, going forward, nobody will suspect I'm actually in the majority, and going into merge no one will know that Van, Cranjes, and I are working together. I feel bad for backstabbing Tristin like this, but this is really fun and creates an interesting dynamic moving forward. so yeah! that's the plan!! i'm being a snake.

Worm

So we lost. I feel bad cause I was the hero but I wasn't going to hurt my body by staying up for 30+ hours. With this tribal I'm very worried about it. Neither Dusty or Erick are talking to me and neither of the girls are talking to me in private chats. I just think that I'm getting voted out and I literally have no idea why. I'm still unsure of what's happening but the only thing that is clear is that  unless something crazy happens, one of the guys are leaving. All I can now is sip on my iced coffee and wait. Fuck I hate not having any control of my own fate.

Sasha

Van put Cranjes and I in a chat for og Plati and we're targeting Tristin. Hopefully there are no idols, esp since they reported that Tristin and Franco are voting for me asdgfhj

Franco

this is for Tristin when he reads this at the end of the season i am SO SORRY. you are a beautiful wonderful human but I really felt like this would put me in a good position going into merge. I feel so bad knowing it was my plan that ended in your vote off, but I gotta look out for myself first and foremost. now I have a clear path to play both sides when the time comes. again, I am so sorry. ily <3 <3 <3 pls dont be mad at me

Sasha

Jay: I'm surprised y'all voted Tristin out me, thinking about it: okay, me too honestly Van and Cranjes probably looked at me and took an approach of "if we save them from this vote, then they'll work with us down the line. free number" and like, whatever. I'm just out here vibing. I'll roll with that

van

oh god. everything went exactly as it was supposed to, but i want to vomit. god that was stressful. This is why I hate small tribes. Jay pls have mercy. So y’all are probably wonder why Tristin. Tbh he’s good in challenges. The plan is he gets frank in redemption. Frank sounds pissed and that leads to chaos. Chaos in this game is not fun.

Sasha

So everyone on the tribe is feeling bad about the vote and I'm just like, well I didn't talk to Tristin too much so I feel bad voting for them, not because they're "so nice" but because I feel like I didn't talk to them enough. Though it would've sucked if we'd talked a bunch and I still voted them.

Elle

I am so glad to have won that immunity challenge. I put my heart and my soul into succeeding and I did. I knew that I would have been the next voted out if we went to tribal council again, so I am thankful to the Survivor Gods for pushing me this far! My only concern is that I will be seen as a challenge threat, but it was do or die in that moment. I had no other choice, but to kill the challenge to save my skin. Going into a merge scenario, I am very scared that people will vote me because I can be seen as a "challenge threat," but I hope my social game is strong enough to prevent that. 

Eliza

I have no clue what to do right now, vote Erick, bites me in the ass. Vote worm, bites me in the ass. I’m in an awful position no matter what I do and I KNOW I’m the deciding vote. Fuck fuck fuckkkk

Lenny

WOOF! okay. Here’s what you missed on survivor plati tribe from my POV. Maxyne left and then didn’t survive redemption island. :( really would of loved for them to return! Elle killed it in the challenge. Honestly, ICONIC. I would not be mad if she won the whole thing. We’ll see after the merge. Which I am nervous about. Tristan went home which is sad. I liked them! Eliza and Michele are definitely working together and I suspect them of being the two who tried to vote me out a while back. Franco and Rain are strong players! I really like Fae too and would like to work with Fae, Franco, Rain, and Elle post-merge. That being said, once the merge comes, who knows what will happen! Trusting people is really hard for me :/ I hope rain and fae feel like they can trust me because I do want to have their backs!! 

Michele

I feel really bad about Erick! I would have voted off Dusty if there werent an idol at stake. Time to lie to dusty and start a fake trio with him and eliza to gain his trust.....

Eliza

Eliza try to get dusty’s trust back challenge! (More details coming later)

Dusty

Well uh that tribal didnt go as planned. I thought that I would be able to hold some trust in Eliza, but it seems she cares more for her relationships with other people in the game. Now moving forward I have to figure out if I can still rely on Eliza, because having the power of the super idol is a big advantage. Hopefully she doesn’t stop seeing value in that advantage before i do. 

Elle

I hate that we have a disadvantage. I do not need to go to tribal council. I am sad that Erick got voted out. That means that OG Plati is coming in at a numbers disadvantage once we get to merge if another Plati gets voted out. Best case scenario, an OG Vathis gets voted out and we can be even in the merge. However, there is always redemption to consider. So many factors!! I just want to be safe!

Elle

The early tribals signal to me that these people do not want any scrambling of any kind. These people are a tight ship, and merge is going to be crazy. 

Rain

We lost. Again. I don’t want to vote for anyone, but I’m letting Elle campaign to me. I’ll be back. 

lenny

wow oh wow. we're going back to tribal. I hope me and rain continue to stick together. I have no clue what is going to happen though. I never feel safe. 

Fae

So we lost, it’s really sad. My paranoia had already set in. I’ve been inactive for a while, I might play my idol or atleast tell Rain. I’m flipping for mo reason. But generally when I think it’s me it is. 

cranjes

ok so loving the fact that we don’t have to go to tribal. but i’m not loving the prospect of merging into one tribe from three. that’s kinda scary. i think i’d be fine. i have been building good relationships when i can and i have my idol in my back pocket if my back is against the wall. if we merge after this vote, i think i’ll be able to maneuver.

Elle

I have to do hardcore campaigning in order to stay. I want Fae gone because they have already proven themselves to be a backstabber. I do not need that type of person in my game. Also, now I have to campaign to Lenny (barf) and Rain. God my life has just gotten 10x more difficult and I am going to lose my hair. These are the campaigns I've made. The first is to Rain and the second is to Lenny. So, I think it would be better to keep me because of my challenge ability. That sounds counterproductive, but think about it: Shields are needed in the long run of this game. Let me be your shield. I feel like I would become a target because I am good at challenges, so that takes the heat off of you. If you were to keep me, I would also be 100% loyal to you. I will tell you everything that I know and everything I hear. I will be in your debt. I have also shown that I am a loyal person in the short time we have been together (I think?). I did not turn my back on Maxyne and Fae, but, at the same time, I was honest with you and Lenny (at least the most I could have been to Lenny). I know lying and scheming are a part of this game, but I like to play honestly and with integrity. So, you know that I will do everything in power to make sure we get through the rest of the game together. Finally, I think the better option (even though I would vote someone else if you wanted) would be Fae only because they have proven themselves to be sneaky and a liar. They were the first one to stab someone in the back in this game (as far as I know). So, having someone on our side is not good for us in the long run since, if it were to suit them, they will backstab us in a heartbeat It is! I really want to work with you in this game because I feel like you are a good person and I feel like we have easy and nice conversations together. I want to work with people who I connect with emotionally and I feel like you are one of those people. That means that I want to target Fae. I love Fae, but they have already shown what kind of player they are last time we went to tribal: a backstabber. If it suited them, they will definitely vote against you if you keep them long enough. If you keep me, I will be a good and loyal ally. I have already shown that I am loyal and honest because I tried to stay loyal with Maxyne and Fae. I told Rain that I was voting you, and I did not want to bullshit you nor have the awkward "I am voting me out." That's why I did not talk to you before tribal. It would make me feel yucky to lie to someone like that. But either way, I have shown that I am honest and loyal. I pledge 100% loyalty to you if I am to stay which is a promise I intend to keep all the way until the end. Finally, my challenge prowess can be beneficial to you because it paints a massive target on me at the start of merge which keeps the heat off of you and your allies. I guarantee that keeping Fae will not have the same effect. I am praying to God that Fae does not have the Plati idol because that would just send my ass to Redemption. But, you can bet your ass that I will be the returning castaway if I do get voted out. Then I will seek my revenge on those who have crossed me. 

Franco

I already miss Tristin, the tribe is so dead without him. He was super active and I could always rely on him to have an actual meaningful conversation with me. Despite my personal feelings, I still think it was the smartest move game wise I'm REALLY happy we won immunity!! But everyone else is still.... Just so quiet. No celebrating or anything. Kinda ruins the tribe dynamic. Oh well. Im praying for merge next round!!!

Michele

I really think Plati should take out Elle while they have the chance! This being the last tribe round, they need to take out their strongest for the weaker to have a chance after merge!

Elle

Fae wants me to throw out a name which is something I am not going to do. I am on thin ice, and I cannot get either Rain or Lenny to hear that I said their names. Otherwise, I would definitely get voted out. Perhaps I should lie and say Fae said Lenny's name. But that could come to bite me in the ass. It would definitely be a last resort if I did feel like I was in danger. That would ruin my image, but I just need to do this so I can make merge which is definitely happening next round. 

Elle

Rain definitely does not want to vote for me which means I have to go talk to Lenny about it. All I need to do is flip Lenny. Honestly, I would settle for Fire at this point because I know I can beat Fae. Making them go to fire would probably be easier than flipping Lenny entirely. But that would mean making Rain comfortable enough to vote for Fae. My chances are increasing, but I am in no way comfortable. Time to pull out all my charms!

cranjes

i really really really can’t have frank coming back. i kinda snaked him by making him feel comfortable and i hate that so much bc i had to do what was good for the order which was the majority alliance but i didn’t not like frank he was nice so i hope if he does come back i can talk to him and be like hey i’m sorry this is why i had to do that and he won’t come for me as much as he would for like say anyone else who voted for him aka every og plati left.

Elle

I pulled out my trump card with Lenny and told them everything about the alliances. The one thing I lied about was that Fae created those alliances. Hopefully that is enough to push them to vote Fae. It would be a dumb move to keep Fae because they are in those alliances and they are one of the heads of those alliances, not me. So, at the end of the day, keeping them in this game is a terrible idea because they will just turn their back on Lenny and Rain. Personally, I have not decided whether or not I want to betray them, but it sure as hell is better if they keep me rather than Fae. I even promised to be a rat in that alliance. I am just so frustrated and nervous going into this tribal. I hope they at least give me the decency to go to fire. 

Worm

I'm going to MERGE! It's such a nice feeling for over stressing myself. It kind of lets me know that even though this game has taken me out of my comfort zone, I still have the basic ability to make it to merge. Nothing crazy has happened on our tribe so I'm just using the rest of my time in tribes to connect closer to my current tribe mates. I really do hope that Elle doesn't get voted out tonight. She is looked at as a physical threat and I feel like if she gets eliminated then I might get looked at as the biggest one with me doing really well in a lot of the challenges. If she does survive and make merge then I want to align with her to have as a meat shield for a couple rounds. Going into merge though I have been preaching keeping loyal to tribal lines. Maybe for the first round I would do so but after that I want to mix it up cause I feel like there are so big threats that I am aligned with, like Eliza. Eliza seems like a huge social threat that seems to have great relations with everyone and that is a huge red flag as we head further into the game. I hope I can make it far enough in the game to make that happen.

lenny

here's what you missed on glee. So, I am in an alliance with Rain and Fae (closer to rain tho). Fae betrayed their old tribal lines and now Rain and I are trying to decide if they are toying with us again. According to elle, Fae told her that she was going to vote me out but fae told me that they were voting for elle. Elle has been campaigning hard to me and Rain, exposing old alliances, pledging allegiances, etc. She is really making a case for herself. I am SO FLIPPING ANXIOUS. I just want to make the merge. this is wild. I don't know who to trust in this case. If we betray Fae, then we look like backstabbers, but they could do it to us again. I am trusting elle a little more rn, but she could be messing with me!!

Elle

I think my odds have significantly increased. My social skills came in handy, and Fae told me that they were going to vote Lenny which I used against them. Hopefully Lenny sees the merits in keeping me and we avoid fire. But I am absolutely ready for it if it comes down to that.

[aislesalmon]

In honor of season 4 being announced, have some Eight Precepts of Death headcanons that are probably dead wrong lmao

Deidoro: -He's actually insanely fucking smart. He was originally going to become a doctor; the stress of med school was what led him to start drinking. He became addicted, and it completely destroyed his life. He failed out of med school, his parents (whose high expectations of him didn't help his stress any) cut ties with him, and he couldn't hold down a steady job (having low-paying jobs when he could have been a doctor worsened his mental state, leading him to drink even more in a vicious cycle) and he ended up on the streets, stealing to survive and keep drinking. One day he stole from Toya, who stole back, but Deidoro was bale to use his quirk to steal again and get away. Toya reported back to Overhaul, who, impressed, tracked down and recruited Deidoro. -He joined Overhaul because he was swayed by his words of "curing the sick" - he views it as his last chance of fulfilling his dream of being a doctor who helps people. -He very quickly saw that what Overhaul was doing was wrong and far from helping or curing anyone, but he just drank more to forget it and kept working under him. -He isolated himself from the other Expendables, because he believes he is worse than them. While they were harmed by other people, which ruined their lives, he blames himself for not being able to handle the stress and becoming addicted to alcohol. He believes that they aren't worthless, but he is. -His quirk isn't just making people feel drunk - it's projecting his feelings onto those around him. He hoped to use it in his medical career, to relieve pain, induce calmness in patients and, if possible, project some of his health onto them, at least temporarily, if only just to keep people alive long enough to try and save them. We see it as him making everyone feel drunk because, well, he's always drunk when we see him. -His relationship with Shin is... complicated, to say the least. -He used to get mad when people thought him stupid, saying that his drunkenness didn't make him less intelligent, arguing that he used to be in med school. One day Overhaul overheard and asked, "Used to?" and that was the end of that. Now he's just internalized it, believing himself to be stupid after all. (Just imagine him doing Sayaka Miki's "I was stupid... so stupid" thing and that's how self-loathing and tragic this character is)

Tabe: -Is his first name Tabe or Soramitsu? I have no idea. This isn't a headcanon, I genuinely have no idea. -His mother was young and he was her first kid, while his father was much older and had a few kids from a previous marriage - all adults and moved out. These siblings don't know about him; his parents were always careful to hide him away whenever company came over due to how ashamed they were of him. -Holy shit child abuse. I hate to harken back to PMMM again, but I honestly picture a Sana Futaba situation with him, where his parents genuinely despised him and at first verbally abused him, then straight up ignored him and only left meals at his door. Finally, they kicked him out of the house and then abruptly moved away, and he has no idea where they are now. -Immune to diabetes, and probably a lot of other food-related conditions. Not that anyone ever cared to check. -Someone please give this man a hug and a lot of cookies

Toya: -I like @latrociniium's idea that he cut ties with his parents after his awful girlfriend cost him everything, because he felt guilty that he ignored their warnings and thought they must hate him. -They don't. They still love him and know about his arrest, and have tried to get in contact with him numerous times since then. He always turns them down out of shame, but they think he's mad at them for perceived failing as parents. They're worried sick and miss him terribly. -Jesus Christ you emo twink bird please talk to your fucking parents

Hari: -In love with Overhorse. 100%. Like that's absolutely why he follows him with such fanatic, unfailing loyalty. -If there's anyone in this world that Kai "Overhaul" Chewbacca truly cares for, it's him. -That being said, Kai isn't emotionally capable of returning Hari's feelings, at least to the same extent that Hari feels them. -Hates attention; perfectly content working in Kai's shadow. -I love the idea that after all the bullshit goes down, Hari and Shin overcome their jealousy of each other getting Kai's attention, and dump Kai "Uhaul" Chisaki to run off with each other instead. What's that image series of the two girls fighting over a guy while he tries to decide which one he wants, and then while he's deciding they ditch him and get together instead? Like that.

Shin: -Walking disaster holy fuck -I don't have many headcanons about his past; I kind of like it as a mystery. -"Emotions aren't required for an efficient mission", my ass. He's an emotional mess. That line is probably something Kai "Overhaul" El Chupacabra told him after one of his many emotional breakdowns. He's almost as bad as Toya with dumping his emotions on people without any prompting. Whiny as hell. -Honestly, I think of Shiapouf from HxH with regards to Shin. Guy with an overinflated sense of self-importance who tries to present himself as (and may honestly believe himself to be) the most rational of his group, but is actually super unstable and controlled by his emotions (also the whole yknow obsessive loyalty to an authority figure thing). -Kai, Hari, Toya and Shin make the Twink Squad.

Hekiji: -LOVELY MAN -Honestly I can't think of anything not included in @shaheii's portrayal. Just. Everything about that blog is absolutely perfect.

Kendou: -Again, can't think of anything else but @berserker-buzzard. A+, spot-on, flawless portrayal.

Joi: -JOI MY BELOVED. He might actually be my favorite out of the birds, which is saying something, because I love ALL the birds (except maybe Overrated - I mean Overhaul, oops). -Yet again, a specific rp blog dominates my headcanons - this time it's @carrionfeigned. Stay awesome.

Hojo: -I don't know much about this dude, but I love him and I want to know more! -I'm torn between thinking of him as a super quiet, aloof guy who fits his appearance, or a really unexpectedly goofy and/or sensitive dude who defies expectations. -Help him too. He needs it.

Rikiya: -Chaotic horny -That being said, sometimes he genuinely doesn't realize how creepy his words can be. Be patient with him. He's dumb. -What's with the Mexican wrestler mask. What's with his tiny head. Does his head even exist? How? That mask is so tiny. What the fuck

Kai: -Sociopath. That's it. He's an abusive sociopath and there's not much more to say. He grew up, after whatever the hell put him on the streets as a kid, with unending love and support from his adopted father, and still has no empathy, and desires to use others for his own purposes. -He doesn't actually love his adopted father. He thinks he does, but in reality, he feels that he owes his adopted father for taking him in, and wants to be even so he doesn't have to feel inferior to him anymore. I... don't really think Kai has the emotional capacity to truly love anyone, to be totally honest.

Old mafia boss: -I don't know if this contradicts canon, but he's alive, albeit in critical condition due to Kai putting him in a coma. That being said, the hospital he was taken to managed to undo Kai's work, and he eventually woke up. He's got a lot to say to Kai about deliberately disobeying his orders, disrespecting his wishes, and completely and utterly ruining his mafia, all while pretending it was in his name/what he would have wanted.