#Git His Ass

[orphanbychoice]

obsessed with this panel

[cannibalcreepers]

Omg, why does she have a knife....

[melon-colli]

Defeated Morgott this weekend. Rest in peace my love king, you were a worthy opponent.

[polaroid-petals]

Stranger, watching Omori wipe on the same boss 27 times in a row instead of confronting the truth: <sighs>

[ib-2012]

did you know when god hates an autistic girl he makes her grow up in the rural south with societal deemed trashy stoner parents and then stick her in a friend group in the Bible belt. bc that's just facts

[omarandjohnny]

lol?

[ceilidho]

Soap coaxing his new girlfriend into fooling around on the couch while they have the apartment to themselves (he has a roommate, but "Gaz isnae comin' hame 'til after" he coos, already shoving his hand down the front of your pants and sawing two thick fingers between your folds).

You let him paw at you and peel your clothes off because you've been wound up all day and he's the hottest guy you've ever dated, so why wouldn't you let him feel you up whenever he's horny? (Which is more often than you thought; practically all the time actually.)

(Tw: noncon/dubcon)

Only Gaz walks through the door the second Soap has you spread on your belly on the couch with your ass in the air, fat cock buried to the root. And he doesn't stop when you shriek and Gaz cocks an eyebrow, unfazed by his roommate screwing his girlfriend on the communal couch.

In fact, he wanders over after taking off his coat, greeting Soap in a totally normal voice while you struggle under your boyfriend, trying to cover your bare tits with your arm at the same time until Soap gets irritated by all your fussing and twists both of your arms behind your back.

"Yer back early," Soap grouses, hips pumping into you in shallow plunges, like his roommate coming home early is distracting enough to reign in some of his excitement, but not enough to make him stop.

"Shop closed early today," Gaz shrugs, dropping his bag by the shoe rack, still remarkably unbothered by what's going on in front of him.

You're humiliated, horrified. More upset with yourself than anything (that's a lie - you're way angrier with Soap, but he doesn't even flinch when you scream about covering up and try to buck him off; he just moans and braces a foot on the floor to get a better angle) because you've only gotten wetter since Gaz walked through the front door.

"Fuck, dae that again, sweetie," he pants, cock so deep that you can feel it nudge your cervix with every stroke.

Squirming doesn't help much because all it does is make you tighten around Soap's cock.

"Poor girl," Gaz tuts, standing in front of the two of you now. You think the situation can't get any worse and then he strokes your cheek with the back of his knuckles, looking almost pityingly down at you. The shock at being touched by him leaves you tongue-tied, struck dumb. "Being a bit rough with her, aren't you, mate?"

He smooths a thumb over your cheekbone. You clench up tighter at Gaz's touch, dragging a guttural moan out of your boyfriend. It's awhile before he finds his voice again.

"Christ," Soap hisses through his teeth. "Och, yer fuckin' nasty, bonnie; git aff oan Gaz watchin' ye? She clenched richt up whin ye spoke."

"Can't blame her - miss having someone be nice to you, huh, sweetheart?"

Soap's voice is dismissive and panting when he responds. "Nah, she loves this. Begs fer it rough."

"Aw, that's not true, is it, sweetheart?" Gaz coos down at you, and you swear you're going to say something, swear the next thing out of your mouth won't be a slutty moan.

But a thumb slips into your mouth and presses against your tongue when you part your lips, and you close your lips around it reflexively.

"Yeah; there we go," he says in a low voice, smooth as molasses, unzipping his fly with one hand when you give his thumb a suck. "Nah, Johnny, you got yourself a good girl here. Gotta treat her right."

And that's how you wind up pinned on your belly with your boyfriend's cock deep in your cunt and his roommate's spreading your lips wide, eyes welling up from the stretch. You lose patches of time after that, thoughts fizzling out until you're only aware of being filled at both ends and the slick, wet sounds of the two of them making out over your prone body.

[merlinsbed]

.

[espytalks]

it'd be kinda neat for a change if pokeman games had like, jobs. So you didn't have to use the vr seeker over and over, you could just play some mini game to get money for ya pokey balls.

[sanaexus]

social's as shidou's girlfriend

-liked by itoshi_sae, isaichii and 145.7k others

yourusername: i feel bad for rin this mf don't even go easy on his on girl

tagged: shiidoryu

shiidoryu: they say all is fair in war and love ↳itoshi_sae: it's love and war fucking idiot ↳shiidoryu: you love me 🥺👉👈 ↳yourusername: mate IN MY FUCKING COMMENTS? ↳shiidoryu: you're saving as if i don't eat that pussy every night ↳yourusername: blocked. reported. I FUCKING HATE YOU??? ↳chigi.who: woah guys maybe like don't do that here??

nikkoki: why the last image. ↳yourusername: why not 🙁 ↳megubachi: for gits and shiggles 🥰 ↳rin.itoshi: that's not the fucking quote?? ↳megubachi: and you're not the best striker so stafu ↳rin.itoshi: TAJTS SO UNNNESCARY?? ↳isaichii: look at rin finally genz-ing w the spelling errors and capital letters ↳hiyori: feels like yesterday he was js a little baby ↳megubachi: they grow up too fast ↳rin.itoshi: you guys are my 13th reason.

shiidoryu: si 💔you💔won't💔mention💔the💔part💔where💔i💔 bought💔you💔icecream💔and 💔then💔talked💔sjit💔ab 💔your���ex💔 ↳yourusername: and you're not gonna mention the part where we had the bet who could swing the fastest and i won bc you fell on your butt and felt like you were ab to throw up so you HAD to get me icecream? ↳shiidoryu: #donttakltomeiamdespressed #betryaedbymyowngf #emo ↳karasu_tabito: HE FELL ON HIS ASS? DO YOU HAVE THE RECORDING I'LL PAY FOR IT ↳yourusername: bet how much we talking? ↳karasu_tabito: enough to buy another shidou prolly ↳yourusername: check your dms ↳eita.otoya: are we buying people from the black market ↳kenyu.yukimiya: no we are not the fuck?

-liked by kuniisuke, megubachi and 159.4k others

shiidoryu: i actually do love my girl and i don't always act gay

tagged: yourusername

julian.loki: "i actually do love my girl" proceeds to try to throw her into a garbage can ↳mikka.kaiser: fucking dustbin you mean? ↳hiyori: OH MY GOD U REMIND ME AB LINDASY FROM MY 4TH GRADE CLASS WHO USED TO NITPICK ON EVERYONE FOR THERE ENGLISH ↳mikka.kaiser: their* ↳isaichii: stfu it's called a trashcan ↳kuniisuke: i think we're straying off topic BC THAT'S A WHOLE AHH HUMAN THAT'S GOING TO BE PUT ON A FUCKING DUSTBIN ↳mikka.kaiser: in* ↳oliver.aikyu: i swear to fucking god i will ↳alexis.ness: nuh uh ↳yourusername: MAN KUNIGAMI AND OLIVER THE ONLY REAL ONES FR ↳oliver.aiku: we gotchu girl ↳kuniisuke: second that except in a less gay manner ↳julian.loki: SHE'S BEING PUT IN TRASH. ↳rin.itoshi: she's fine. shidou has that trash tan all the time ↳megubachi: i think she's okay considering how ego roams around with that garbage ahh haircut ↳isaichii: that trash can't be worse than igaguri's football skills, she's fine ↳mikka.kaiser: YOU SAID FOOTBALL THANK FUCKING YOU ↳shiidoryu: you're fucking him?

user1: ignoring the second picture the one is actually so cute like 🌷🧚‍♀️💅🎀💕✨‼💯 ↳yourusername: lyt cutie ↳shiidoryu: YOU NEVER EVEN CALL ME CUTE? ↳yourusername: go stare at sae's ass or something ↳itoshi_sae: no don't do that don't stare at my ass ↳yourusername: jokes aside he was actually nice to me in that picture (he didn't try throwing me off) ↳user2: something in that sentence makes me think she got thrown off a swing far too many times ↳shiidoryu: in my defense she keeps putting tomatoes in my sandwhich ↳yourusername: you look like one don't blame me

karasu_tabito: did he fall on his butt this time? ↳yourusername: he was careful bc i was sitting on his lap ↳eita.otoya: shidou in his softie green flag era? ↳yourusername: what if he's actually doing this to gain my trust and like gives me off to some kidnapper ↳nikkoki: bffr rn he would probably BE the kidnapper ↳shiidoryu: yeah what if I AM the kidnapper

-liked by chigi.who, hiyori and 198.5k others

yourusername: he isn't always an asshole <3

tagged: shiidoryu

chigi.who: the last picture?? ↳yourusername: my life goals right there ↳yourusername: shidou that better be us when we grow up ↳shiidoryu: that already IS us ↳yourusername: are you called me a 73.8 year old grandma? ↳shiidoryu: IN MY DEFENSE IM CALLING MY SELF A GRANDPA TOO

aryu.jubei: your hair is very ✨glam✨drop the hair care routine (did he try to yank your hair?) ↳yourusername: check dms ↳yourusername: SURPRISNGLY NO?? HE WAS ACTUALLY REALLY NICE TODAY?? ↳shiidoryu: i'm always nice baby ↳yourusername: yeah to your side chicks ↳shiidoryu: YOU are the side chick, sae is ml ↳yourusername: oh fuck you what does that man have other than thick thighs, a thick ass and an ass attitude ↳itoshi_sae: what do i not have ↳yourusername: proper relationship with your family ↳itoshi_sae: fuck off

shiidoryu: you look pretty ↳yourusername: ily im gonna go cry ↳shiidoryu: DON'T CRY WHY ARE YOU CRYING NOW I COMPLIMENTED YOU ↳yourusername: THAT'S THE THING YOI COMPLIMENTED ME ↳shiidoryu: wajt

user3: she looks so pretty and happy in the second pic. shidou you better watch out, i'm in your walls ↳shiidoryu: my walls are nasty, what if my dead hamsters are there ↳yourusername: MY TEIGO. I BOUGHT IT TO YOUR HOUSE AND IT JS DESPAWNED ↳shiidoryu: I'M SORRY

user4: when a zesty ass loving thigh loving (man loving) tomato looking demon who kicks balls around and pick fight w emo boys can pull ↳yourusername: my dms are open for u ↳shiidoryu: no they're not ↳oliver.aiku: how much we betting that he's gonna go make 15 accounts to spam y/n dms ↳isaichii: betting a whole ahh bachira ↳megubachi: WHY ARE U BETTING ME OFF??? ↳chigi.who: betting my other acl ↳kuniisuke: HELP WHAT?? ↳kenyu.yukimiya: betting my already shit vision ↳nagi.seishiro: my gaming console ↳reo.miikage: my entire networth ↳itoshi_sae: my abibas sponsorship ↳user5: ABIBAS 🔥🔥💯💯🔛🔝🗣🗣 ↳rin.itoshi: betting off my brother ↳itoshi_sae: what

welllll that took a lot longer than it should have buttt here you go shidou simps i had fun writing this ig sorta maybe kinda idk

divider credits to @/v6que

[gremlingottoosilly]

Bimbo!Reader who starts to fake date Loser König just to get the weirder men off her back, besides he's big, intimidating and strong too, he'll probably scare off anyone

Using Konig as your scary dog privilege was easy. He lives off scraps of your affection, never quite caring enough that you wouldn't give him the time of day if he wasn't so damn scary. He is a good boy, a polite and obedient boy - always coming if he is in town and you're bored, always bringing you something nice. He is tall and buff, has a body that looks pretty damn nice in compression shirts and loose pants. You pat his muscles and press little kisses to his biceps whenever you two are going to the gym together - you wanted him to scare away the creeps who stare at your ass whenever you do squats, and he just wanted to spend time with you doing something he likes. Hanging out with him is kinda nice - he would pay for your gym membership and only ask for occasional selfies if you're coming while he is on deployment, and he always has some advice if you want to improve your form, He is getting very flustered whenever you bend over in front of him, but at least you know he is harmless. Sick and obsessive kind of harmless, but your empty head doesn't really see the difference. You don't even notice the way he possessively wraps his hand around your waist whenever there is another guy around or how your panties and sports bras keep getting lost. Your head is too damn empty for your own good. You laugh when he asks if you want to sleep with him - you allow him to root into your thighs as you watch tiktoks or reels and then ask him if you should paint your nails pink or purple. He is too busy trying to git his cock between your soft thighs without cumming first few seconds. You hug him when he gives you thighs, and you're just dumb enough not to notice an obvious erection poking at your thigh. He is harmless, like a big dog that just learned how to bite everyone besides you - and you appreciate every second of having him around. You say that he is your boyfriend whenever your friends talk to you, and everyone is surprised - but you'd always act just a little bit mad that no one believes you...hey, he is literally your soulmate for real!! Konig dies a little every time you call him that, even as you laugh at the possibility of actually seriously dating the guy. But don't worry, he already bought the rings.

[meguwumibear]

cant stop thinking about fake dating monoma....

"You're asking me out?" he laughs. Monoma laughs with his whole body. Mouth. Stomach. Hands. He uses them all as he insults you. "My how the mighty have fallen."

You roll your eyes with an exacerbated sigh. Motherfucker never did listen to much other than the sound of his own voice. Selective hearing. Shinsou tried to warn you. Monoma hears only what he wants to.

"I'm pretending to ask you out, dipshit," you clarify. "To boost our stats."

The plan seemed reasonable enough when you first hatched it. The public loves to stick their upturned noses into the private lives of heroes. The more a hero discloses, the higher their rank. Correlation and causation or whatever-the-fuck your PR team said. You need some press. You need to leak something juicy. Hence, fake dating Monoma. It's foolproof, isn't it? Now that you've actually pitched the thing to the smug bastard, you're not so sure.

"How's dating you gonna boost my stats exactly?" he asks.

"Well, for one I out rank you," you say, eager to throw that in his face. "Hanging around with someone in the top thirty is bound to increase your position. The top spots aren't determined solely by number of saves and take downs. It's a fucking popularity contest, and we're competing for a crown."

"Hmm, hmm, hmmmmm," Monoma hums as he theatrically taps his pointer finger against his chin in faux contemplation. God damn you picked the absolute worst person to fake date. Should've gone with the perverted grape guy instead. Little fucker probably would've jumped at the opportunity to call himself your boyfriend.

"I don't have all day, Monoma," you say. "You in or you out?"

He flashes you a disgustingly cheeky grin. The smile is all teeth and absent of any semblance of sincerity.

"Oh, I suppose I could be swayed," he relents. "If.......," a pregnant pause for dramatic effect. Typical, "the fake girlfriend package comes with real girlfriend privileges."

You raise an inquiring eyebrow at him. If the smarmy git wants sex he can ask for it like the grown ass man he is instead of alluding to it like some high school brat.

"I am of course referring to sexual intercourse," he oh-so helpfully clarifies. "Including, but not limited to-"

"Yeah, yeah," you say with a wave of your hand to shut him up. If you have to listen to the end of that sentence you might end up punting him off the roof. "Whatever you want."

Monoma's eyebrows disappear behind his poorly styled emo bangs that he never aged out of. "Whatever I want?" he parrots. "God, you're just as desperate as the rest of them without the numbers to back you up. Think the Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight would result to such petty tricks?"

"Yes or no, Monoma," you huff, pressing at your temples to stem an impending tidal wave of a headache. "If you're above this maybe I'll ask the Great Explosion Murder God himself."

Monoma's eyes darken at that, despite the fact that he only has himself to blame for putting the idea in your head.

To his credit, Monoma collects himself quickly and shoves his phone in your hands.

"Number and addy," he says. "I'm staying with Kendo so my place is OOTQ for R-rated content. I'll swing by yours after my patrol tonight for a trial run. I'm guessing you can afford to live alone. based on your rank, number thirty."

"What fucking trial run?" you ask as you add your contact to his phone. You throw in a red heart emoji too, before replacing it with a peach, tongue, and water emoji instead. The pretend relationship needs to look real and there's no way in hell Monoma's the romantic type.

He smirks as he snatches his phone back from you.

"Figure I'm entitled to a seven day free trial before I actually subscribe. It's just good costumer service. Even that prick Bezo's knows it. Don't tell me the aspiring number one hero has less ethics than that capitalistic pig?"

"Oh for fuck's sake," you spit. "Fine. What the hell. Not like I want to be stuck fucking you if your dick game's mid. Swing by tonight. Bring your tiny cock and that bratty attitude of yours. Might be nice to fuck it out of you."

Monoma's grin is borderline predatory. His mouth is open wide enough to expose the sharp tips of his teeth again, and they look like they're just itching to bite. He leans over the table to whisper his next few words in your ear.

"My dick's not tiny," he says, before excusing himself. Then, as he turns to leave, "And I won't be the one getting the brat fucked out of them tonight. See you soon, love."

He disappears around the corner with one last wave of his hand, and you can't help but wonder what the actual fuck you've just gotten yourself into.

[siriussimon]

just thinking about johnny being jealous and hating when he’s not the center of attention. a scottish man with a mohawk, how could he not be an attention seeker?

sitting at the bar johnny was nursing a glass of whiskey. the boys had been spread across the bar and he got stuck alone and slightly tipsy already. nobody’s come to talk to him yet and that’s brought his mood down significantly. usually he’s gone home by now with a pretty bird wrapped in his arms.

his eyes start scanning the bar looking for his saving grace. if he was getting anything tonight he new exactly where to go.

tha’ fuck?

his eyes had locked on to the big brute chatting up the prettiest thing he’s seen in awhile. she seemed timid, eyes fluttering, her fingers fumbling with her glass as she looked up at this weird fellow with a mask.

johnny downed the rest of his drink before walking towards the two.

“ah was lookin’ for ya, si.” johnny practically purred, pushing his way between the two of you and leaning himself up against the wall. simon gave him a deep hum, eyes squinting, knowing exactly what he wanted. like a dog asking for a bone.

you watched this whole interaction, downing the rest of your drink to ease the tension in your body. they looked pretty close…were they—

“why don’t ya introduce yourself, love?” simon’s gruff voice broke the silence, his eyes looked heavier as they looked at you, it looked like he moved closer to johnny too. what is happening?

“oh, uh, hi..johnny.” you murmured so sweetly, you told him your name, and he gave you a toothy grin in return.

“aren't ye sweet? hud tae see whit's git mah man's attention nicked fae me... Ah kin see why..” his eyes raking down your body, eyes steady on the cleavage peeking from your little top. didn’t help that you had clasped your hands in front of you out of nervous habit, not noticing the way your arms pushed your tits out even further for the filthy bastards in front of you.

“oh my god.. i’m so sorry. i didn’t know!” you frantically apologized, hand coming to rest on his bicep before turning to leave this terribly awkward situation. of course simon was taken, 6’5 bulk of a man, and his boyfriend was just as handsome.

johnnys finger hooked into your loop of your jeans pulling you back agaisnt him. your ass flush against his hips now, arm sprawling across your waist to pull you in incredibly close. you felt your face heat up when you notice simon get in front of the two of you boxing the both of you against the wall, shielding you from the rest of the crowded bar.

“look perfect wrapped up in his arms, birdie.” simon drawled out, fingers grazing along your cheek, pressing his thumb against the bottom of your lip. you felt your knees buckle but luckily johnny was there to hold you still.

you felt so overwhelmed but so fucking good. fuck it. two hot men fawning over you? when will you ever get this opportunity again. suddenly you were turning in johnnys arms, his forehead pressed against yours, hands splayed across the fat of your ass giving it a tight squeeze. a little squeak leaving your lips.

“now give ‘im a kiss. our boy needs us, yeah?” simon whispered agaisnt your ear.

[guppybibi]

part 2 to the johnny fic!

notes: this was pretty rushed,,,so it is fast paced..if u guys dont like this one i could always rewrite it! :3

taglist: @ennovi-9 @vvenus-child @msilwrites @tessakate @beatriceshadowmarvel2 @montenegroisr (for some reason i cant tag the others??) i'll try to do so in the comments

Grief was never an easy thing to heal from to begin with, so Simon has kept a close eye on you ever since. You refused to believe him at first, trying to pull out some sort of proof that you were with Johnny this past year but to your own shock, there was none. Not a singular one.

Luckily, Simon had a xerox copy of Johnny’s death certificate. The original copy was with you but it seems that it was burned to ashes based on the reaction you gave when Simon dangled it over your face.

But you really weren’t believing him, shielded in the denial you were holding tightly close to you. “Where’s the urn with half of his ashes then, eh?” Simon throws the question at you, his words unintentionally harsher than expected.

But he really doesn't get what you've been trying to convince him to believe, don't you remember spreading Soap’s ashes? He expected you to at least remember that part.

“The…what?” That was all you could manage to say right now, your voice failing you now of all times. “The urn with his ashes.” He repeats, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he intently watches your expression.

Simon starts to wonder how hard of a psychosis you went through, or if you ever took drugs after Johnny’s death. That would explain the hallucinations as well, there's no shame in it either. It's not unusual for someone to turn to substances during mourning, it's a common coping mechanism.

All Simon wants to focus on is you, for you to get better. Fuck Johnny for leaving you alone like this, the pitiful sight almost made Simon's face be a constant scowl.

Okay..maybe he was exaggerating but he’ll definitely throw a middle finger up to the sky later. Simon knows it'll probably make Johnny laugh his ass off…or worry. It really depends if he knew your current situation.

Either way, none of that stuff matters much. You have no choice but to be in Simon’s care.

He’s not quite sure what to do when you start crying into his chest the moment you two stepped into your house, no longer a home. He remains still, lightly patting you on the back as he guides you to the couch.

He’ll be here for a while, won't he?

~~~

It's been weeks since you've known about Johnny’s death, but the only thing Simon could notice was the lack of improvement.

You were rotting in bed, relying on Simon completely for you to do basic tasks. You spent most of the time crying and sleeping, an endless cycle that even made Simon feel like he was going crazy.

“C’mon, eat up, luv. I made you some soup. We're runnin’ out of groceries as well, wanna tag along later?” He offers, holding up the spoon full of soup to your mouth. Expectedly, with a disinterested look, you turn your back on him.

He sighs, putting the bowl aside. “Alright, I won't make you go but the offer is still up.” He says, pausing when he hears footsteps get closer and closer to the door.

It's…weirdly familiar. Simon could recognize people based off of their footsteps alone, but he simply couldn't place his finger on this one. As it got nearer, you seemed to notice it as well..

The two of you make questioning looks at each other. “Stay there, I’ll go check it out.” Simon stood up, making his way to the door until a certain someone pops out.

“Bonnie? Ye there? Git us some groceries.”

…Another shared look between you and Simon.

“Oh good, there yer are, lass. Simon? You're here too? Glad there's another set of hands then.”

Simon’s gaze moved to you, seeing your eyes water up with tears. But that wasn't what caught his attention, it was the hole through this…Johnny’s head.

[red5cars]

surroghoap pt.2

prev I next

cw: none

this was a bad idea.

it was all you could think about. on the drive there, when you pulled into the driveway of their nice secluded home, even sitting on the couch next to the mastiff who exhales more spit than air.

earlier, you pulled on your nicest casual dress, a long green number that was shapeless modest. you wanted to appear like someone who had their shit together, not an on-the-way-drop-out who got pregnant after some nameless fling.

the dog slobbering all over the fabric dampens your image.

“aye! git off th' couch ya wet beast!” the scot, johnny, snaps at the dog, his finger pointing towards the hallway. an echoing bark escapes the mastiff's mouth, but johnny doesn't loosen up, a low growl leaving his lips. the display of dominance takes you by surprise, but the dog seems used to it, slinking off the couch and retreating elsewhere.

as he does, johnny turns to face you with an apologetics smile on his face, “sorry, we dinnae git many guests, ‘specially fresh ones,” his word choice makes you squirm, the imagery of a red marbled slab flashing through your head.

“no worries,” you reassure, discomfort pushed to the deepest depths, “not the first time i was stained with dog spit,” regret fills you immediately as the words leave your mouth. to think, this man welcomed you into his home and the first thing you did was make a smart comment. what a charming guest you are.

much to your relief, johnny doesn’t seem offended at all. in fact, he finds your comment amusing, the corners of his lips curling upward until the sound of the kettle screaming makes his face scrunch.

“so, th’ drive wasnae too bad?” he asks, the little gap between the kitchen in the living room obscuring him. you can tell he's moving, lifting something by the way his muscles flex under the soft lights of the kitchen.

not here to oogle, you remind yourself, fingers interlocking over your lap, "yeah, it was fine. but i have to ask," you can see his head lift, eyes still on the kettle but some of his attention on you, "why meet here? why not in the city?"

johnny hums, as if he was expecting this question. briefly, you wonder if he has a monologue, offering his explanation through the phrasings of a sonnet.

"nae to keen 'bout loud 'n' crowded places," he states simply, lifting something and beginning his trek back to the living area. okay, so that isn't a totally alarming response.. but still rings a few bells.

"oh.. care to elaborate?" it's not that you want to press him, there's just.. a need too. there's not enough benefit to suade your doubt. he stands before you now, hinged at the hips to set down the a tray. three little mugs filled with what you assume is tea. steam snakes its way up from the cups, only to fade a few centimeters out.

"well.." his voice drops with his weight, settling into one of the comfy chairs before you. it succumbs to his mass quickly, once again showing off his impressive size, "best if ah show ye," and before you can ask show me what? he turns his head to the side, running his fingers through an overgrown buzz. it takes a minute of searching, his fingers and lengthy mohawk in the way, but your eyes widen upon finding it.

a pink, jagged line that starts somewhere on his hairline and ends before it can reach the back of his head.

in all honesty, you're surprised you didn't notice it the first time, a testament to his good looks and a showcase of how much of an ignorant ass you can be.

"sorry i didn't mean to-" he cuts you off with the shake of his head, an understanding smile on his face. "it's a'richt, lass. in fine fettle, y'ken? jus' cannae handle the city like ah used tae," his smile turns sympathetic, but you both know that you aren't the one who needs to be pitied.

there's an itch to right this wrong. even if it doesn't affect johnny, you're own assumptions and actions will be ingrained into your head till you forget about them, then remember it in the midst of doing some mundane task. your mouth begins to part when the door suddenly opens, the mastiff suddenly appearing from the hallway, spit and its paws hitting the floor.

the beast runs past you, happily (and loudly) barking at whoever entered. you expect to see johnny wear an expression of irritation considering how he reprimanded the dog last time, but it's the opposite. there's a fondness in his eyes as he looks behind you, warmth radiating from him.

"ther' ye are, si," he says once the dog has quieted down, but his heavy pants offer some unpleasant background, "thought ah wis gonna do this by maeself."

slowly, you turn your head, finding who you presume is 'si'. if anything, he looks less like a person and more like a.. presence. despite him standing right there, you feel him better then you see him. all you can really make out are his eyes, brown like the various oak logs that barricade their home.

he doesn't say anything, looking at you and johnny through narrow slits.

eventually his gaze ends on you, almost analyzing you all the while he pets the dog's head (who presses himself cheerfully against si. huge dog needs a huge owner you suppose).

"whose 'is?" it seems his analysis didn't provide anything useful, johnny being the one to fill in the blanks with a sigh, "the surrogate, simon." you swear you can hear him tack on an exasperated 'forgetful bastard', but it could be anything.

si, well, simon, stares at you for what seems like an eternity before speaking again, "i see," it's like locking eyes with medusa, his gaze turning you nearly statue-esque in your seat.

"well," simon finally lifts his gaze on you and a weight lifts off your shoulders till it's dropped again when he says, "best start then."

[qiu-yan]

zxc be like

>be lan wangji >lonely college student but it's ok >have a class with a loud guy in a red shirt >fuck he's annoying as hell >get assigned to work on a group project with him >deep_sigh.jpeg >project takes off and it turns out that red shirt guy is actually really smart >starts hanging out outside project meetings and it turns out red shirt guy is also really funny >actually have a friend to hang out with on weekends >actually have stuff to do on weekends besides clean your room for the 50th time >life_is_good.jpeg >start catching feelings for red shirt guy >ohfuck.jpeg

>semester ends, new semester starts >red shirt guy isn't in any of your classes anymore; no more excuse to hang out >sad.jpeg >switch to another section in hopes of seeing red shirt guy again >actually find red shirt guy again.....and his brother(?) and five morbillion other friends >now he's spending all his time with his fuckass brother(?) >now he only pays attention to his fuckass brother(?) >now he barely even notices you >sad.jpeg >try to weasel your way into his social circle anyways >no social skills so low success >fuckass brother(?) notices you struggling to socialize and starts making fun of you >calls you a robot >red shirt guy laughs >sad.jpeg >angry.jpeg >decide you hate this fuckass brother(?) actually

>find out one day that red shirt guy plays a mmorpg >find out his username: yilinglaozu >decide to play the game yourself and get closer to him that way >noob so you get killed immediately >angry.jpeg >yilinglaozu notices you dying and starts making fun of you >fuck_my_stupid_baka_life.jpeg >he offers to help you git gud >....success?

>keep playing this mmorpg >keep talking to yilinglaozu >notice that yilinglaozu is kind of different online than irl: less trollish and more of an acerbic asshole >roasts the shit out of you whenever you get your ass kicked >annoyed.jpeg >start grinding every day just to shut him up >start getting kind of op >start getting really op >finally beat yilinglaozu in a match >instead of being mad, though, yilinglaozu gets excited and starts talking about winning the next pvp event >realize you've truly become friends with yilinglaozu >happy.jpeg >realize you really love playing with yilinglaozu >happy.jpeg >realize you've gone and caught even more feelings >uhoh.jpeg

>enter next phase of plan >"accidentally" reveal name of your college >yilinglaozu takes the bait and says that he goes there too >start talking about majors, professors, friends, etc >eventually yilinglaozu proposes an irl meeting >all_according_to_keikaku.jpeg >out of idle curiosity, ask yilinglaozu about his username >yilinglaozu says that the account used to belong to his brother, but then brother quit so he took over the account >and he never changed the username

>day of irl meeting >nervous.jpeg >excited to see red shirt guy again >hope this time you can actually get close to him >hope you don't come across as an insane stalker >go to meeting spot >???? >??????? >no red shirt guy >it's the fuckass brother(?)

>yilinglaozu was the fuckass brother(?) playing on red shirt guy's old account >all this time, was actually gaming not with red shirt guy but with fuckass brother(?) >spent all this time online not with red shirt guy but with fuckass brother(?) >became friends not with red shirt guy but with fuckass brother(?) >caught feelings not just for red shirt guy but now also for fuckass brother(?) >?????????? >tfw