#Give 'em Hellboy

[monstersmashorpass]

welcome, fellow monster lovers + fuckers~! to the smash or pass blog!

First things first - this is a queer friendly blog, so no r.adfem b.s. of any kind. don't be assholes, don't be bigots. be a clown (derogatory) and get blocked.

Second, no shit-talking people's monster(s) of choice. We're here for fun, not for negativity. (So no calling basic, shaming choices, saying "oh this non-human isn't enough of a monster", insulting how they look, calling them vanilla, etc etc.)

Third - if your preferred monster looses the poll, that's okay! They're still a winner in your heart. This is literally all just for the lulz. Genuinely, don't worry about it.

Also you're 100% allowed to add propaganda to the posts about why ppl should vote smash. (Not for pass though. Bc that's under the no negativity rule.)

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[Poll Submission] Monster name, What theyre from* [Poll Submission] Wulver, scottish folklore [Poll Submission] Abe Sapien, Hellboy (movies or comics) (image from Hellboy comics)

* this is more if its applicable - ie; from specific mythology, or from a media source. If the media is 18+ please make a note of it!

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→ Meet the Mods ←

We're a couple of chaotic idiots who know each other irl and get up to shenanigans. Like this blog.

Mod Curse 🌸

Mid 20s - she/they - Big Gay

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Mod Ghoul ☢️

mid/late 20s, he/his it/its

Horrible taste in fictional men lol

A fuckin menace

Three allegations I can never escape - 'oh thats the local cryptid', 'its a creature, your honor', and 'I'm pretty sure you're just a corpse but okay.'

[scholastic-dragon]

Can you please write about Hellboy being jealous, like s/o and him are just passing by, probably after a mission or something and an old friend of s/o saw them and he gets to close to s/o too much for HB linking, probably Alice or Abe pointing out that he is jelous and he goes like "I'm not jelous / I'm not being dramatic"something fluff / clingy. I'm pretty sure that he is THE drama queen

Oooooo, I like this one. You got it!

Hellboy x Gn!reader

Internal Conflict of the Jealous Kind

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: jealous hellboy, wingman Abe, spelling mistakes. I used he/him pronouns to describe the old friend and they/them for "you"/ y/n.

Summary: after a mission you see your old college friend and catch up, Hellboy finds out and claims he "isn't jealous"

It was just a hug.

Unless...it wasn't.

After a long 35 hours of being stuck in the lower part of Manhattan, the gang was tired, grumpy, and ready to load up and get home.

After cleaning up some fallen supplies, you'd rounded a corner and ran face first into someone. You started apologizing, gasping softly when you looked up and saw your old college study buddy.

Your chipper voice carried through the moist alleyway and Red raised a curious brow, peering around a stone wall.

You were smiling wildly, laughing softly with whoever this dude was. He was clearly interested in you, his eyes scanning your face, a slight pink dusting his cheeks.

Oh hell no.

Before he could stop himself, he was at your side, how he moved so fast down the street even he doesn't know.

"Heya, babe, you all ready to go?" He slung his arm around your shoulders, dwarfing your form under him.

"Um, yeah, just a second," He smirked noticing the dusting of pink on your face from his arm. You loved it when he did that. "Anyway, this is my boyfriend, HB," You told your old friend, putting a hand on HB's arm and smiling up at him. "HB, this is my old friend from college and we haven't seen each other in..."

"6 years," He finished when you trailed off, hands awkwardly in his pockets as he looked only to you.

Hellboy felt his face getting warm, this dude hadn't even looked him in the eyes since he came over here, they were glued to you. Traveling from your beautiful eyes to your lips then back again. His fist clenched at his side when he licked his lips at your smile.

"Wow, that is a long time, anyway, were almost packed up, so we should probably go wait in the truck," HB tried again to get you to leave.

"You go wait in the truck, I'm just gonna be another minute, okay?" You unwrap his arm from around your shoulders, smiling softly before turning back to your old friend.

"Okay," HB had to turn away, if he stayed for a moment longer his fist would have found that idiots face.

He, not so gracefully, threw open the garage door, slamming it shut behind him, throwing off his jacket.

"What was that about?" Abe smirked as HB got into the back of the garbage truck.

"Don't read me, Abe," Came his sharky reply, feeling his blood boil and itch beneath his skin. He sat on one of the small benches of the side of the truck, rubbing his face excessively.

"Oh I don't need to, you're easy," Abe scoffed lightly, adjusting the pressure on his air purifier. "It's clear you're jealous of Y/n's old study buddy,"

"I'm not jealous!" Red lifted his head, licking his lips. "It was obvious that he was going to make a move on them,"

"And what makes you think Y/n would say 'yes' to him?" Abe didn't look up from his lap, attaching two new containers onto the neck piece.

"What?"

"You're obviously upset that if their friend would ask them out they'd say 'yes' right?" HB nodded and Abe continued. "Well what makes you think they'd say yes? What can this man offer them that you can't?"

"A real relationship," At the seriousness of his answer and tone, Abe glanced up, putting aside his purifier and leaning forward on his chair. "I can't take 'em out on dates. Or even go outside to walk with them, I can't give them what they deserve,"

"How do you know that’s what they want in a relationship?"

"It's in every romance movie ever, Abe,"

"But that doesn't mean it's everyone's fantasy, perhaps you give Y/n everything they want, have you wondered why they're dating you and not him?"

Both men were silent for a moment, letting the words sink in. HB sighed, rubbing his face again, he hated when Abe was right about relationship stuff.

"Look, I'm no expert, all I'll say is this, talk to Y/n, tell them what you're feeling and it should sort everything out," Abe leaned back, picking up his collar again.

HB looked down at his hands in his lap, rubbing over his stone knuckles.

Maybe Abe was right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night when you were both getting ready for bed, did he decide to bring up the topic.

You'd already changed into your favorite t-shirt and a pair of his sweatpants, you were brushing your teeth, the bathroom door wide open.

"Hey, babe?" Red called, feeling himself start to sweat, he didn't want this to end up in a fight.

"Hmm?" You hummed, leaning on the doorframe, soapy foam coating your mouth as you continued brushing.

"What's the deal with you and your old study buddy?" Horrible wording, Red.

You hummed, thinking, turning around and spitting in the sink, wiping your mouth with a towel and turning back around.

"Just hadn't seen him in a while, he helped me pass most of my classes," You shrugged, not yet sensing his anxiety or jealousy.

"So you guys are close?" He sat down on the edge of his Truck Bed, leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. He looked to the floor, unable to look at you.

"We were," You agreed, putting your toothbrush back and turning off the bathroom light. You padded over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. He still didn't look up.

"Do you want to be close again?"

Your raised a brow, looking down at him. Now that you were standing above him, you saw the tension in his broad shoulders, the nervousness in his shaking leg and fidgeting hands.

Suddenly everything clicked in your brain, you smiled softly, moving his hands and standing in between his legs. Your hands cupped his face and made him glance up at you.

"Are you jealous?"

"No." He scoffed, looking behind you.

"Baby," You coo, trying to hold back a laugh.

"I'm not!" His voice cracked, he shook his head out of you hands, leaning away from you. Guilt and embarrassment evident in his face.

"It's fine baby, I'm not mad," You grabbed the sides of his face more forcefully this time, making him keep eye contact with you. "You have nothing to be jealous of, I want you baby, only you,"

"But he-"

"He can't give me what I want from a relationship," You interrupt, hoping your next statement wouldn't make things worse. "We dated for about a month in college, but it didn't work out, were good friends but that's it. "

"But he can actually take you out, you know, on dates and stuff and you deserve-" Red shook his head, your hands didn't move.

"That's not what I want from a relationship Red! Just because it's in romance movies doesn't mean it's everyone's fantasy. You are everything I could want and more. You give me everything I want just by being you, I love you HB."

At your confession did his shoulders finally relax, he sighed, melting into you. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face into your chest.

"I love you too, baby," He mumbled, closing his eyes when he felt you start to trace his shoulders and neck with your nails.

Your words made him wonder, he paused for a moment, glancing up at you curiously.

"Wait, that's the exact wording Abe used earlier," He commented. Your eyes went wide and you awkwardly let go of him.

"What? Um...no, no I don't think-" You started, feeling a laugh try to work it's way out when Red finally put the prices together and stood.

"You talked to Abe!" He rushed for you, easily swinging you around in his arms. You squealed and laughed, burying your face in his neck.

Feeling the exhaustion hit from the last mission, he fell backwards onto his bed, you laying on top of his chest. He pulled a loose blanket around your form, it covered you fully but did nothing for him.

You moved for your were encompassing his chest, listening to his heartbeat as you closed you eyes.

"I love you, baby," You murmered, placing a kiss on his bare chest.

"Love you too, babe," He kissed your hairline, bring a hand up to rub your back. "Abe on the other hand is gonna get his ass beat tomorrow,"

[popculturebuffet]

Sam and Max Save the World Retrospective: Culture Shock (Patreon Review for WeirdKev27)

It's time to hit the road you happy people as we've got a hot new retrosepctive courtsey of Kev set to run through next year using his Patreon reviews as I finally play a game i've wanted to play for close to two decades now: Sam and Max Save the World!

For all .. two of you reading this who don't know what Sam and Max is, Sam and Max is a multimedia franchise with a very simple core: A large dog man and his diminutive rabbit sidekick/bestfriend/husband/hired goon go around engaging in ultra violence, shenanignas and what have you to solve assorted cases. This simple framework is an excuse for the two to engage in hilaroius one liners, absurdist slapstick and whatever else can be crammed in. It's likely why the franchise has both endured and has such a sizeable fanbase: You only need the two main characters to make a sam and max story and they can get up to just about anything.

Sam and Max was created by Steve Purcell….'s brother. Yeah his brother Dave made the two as a kid and being a bit of a stinker, Steve made what were basically parodies of them. Eventaully he'd fleshed them out so much and drawn so many full on comics with them beyond just taking a shot at his brother as big brothers tend to do (Mine has called me stalin, what can you do?), Dave gifted him the characters one birthday. Purcell has one heck of a career in video games in animation, having made the first three monkey island games, manic mansion and of course, sam and max hit the road. He's also friends with Mike MIngola of Hellboy fame and X-Men and countless other comics legend and Longshot creator Art Adams.

His biggest legacy though is a franchise I should've visited way sooner but seems like it was made for me: Sam and Max: Starting in comics ala the Tick, while Purcell's creation hasn't had a huge number of works, the quality vastly outstrips the quantity: we have the original comcis which I intend to both read and cover at some point and have this panel so we're already off to a good start

There's a tv series i've seen a decent chunk of that's utterly brilliant and sadly didn't get the 8 seasons it deserved but the one it has is pretty good. It even features a few guest apperances from The RedGreen Show's Patrick McKenna, as Norm THE FRIEND FOR LIFE, who if they make something else sam and max at some point will hopefully come back.

One of the biggest attractions for our heroes though is games. One of their bigger projects was Sam and Max Hit The Road, coming about because Purcell had already made models for the two for some training software for LucasArts and they wanted a full game after how well his previous work had gone out, wanting more ips.

This SHOULD have lead to sequels, but Purcell's first attempt sputtered out for some reason. The second is a bit more troubled, as Lucasarts did not only make a new game but have it almost finished… until Lucasarts pulled the plug. Yeah canning something that's almost finished and could make you money isn't a new phenomina, Warner Bros has simply taken it to new douchey heights.

The fan's reactoin.. was a predictable as it was 100% accurate

This was part of a larger issue as Lucasart was phasing out adventure games, and thus laid off a bunch of it's staff. A bunch of them decided to quit and founded Telltale Games.

The team waited until LucasArts liscene experid as they refused to give it up for no explicable reason, doing csi and texas hold em games, but as soon as it was up Purcell offered it to them immeditly and we were off to the races.

Save the World was also one of the very first games to use an episodic release. Such a release isn't seen often nowadays with companies preferring to do updates or dlc instaed, but at the time it was a brilliant model as downloadbale games were still new, and while there wasn't a gurantee the game would finish (as seen sadly with an attempt to make a game out of Jeff Smith's bone) you still got something and as far as I could tell coudl pay as you went. The model was iffy.. but ended up wildly succeeding as Save the World was a rousing success, making telltale a juggernaut for the next few years. I personally remember, since I co9udln't install the game, playign the back to the future game religously and i'm curious to check out the batman one at some point.

The bottom eventually did fall out due to crunch and other such bullshit, but but thankfully for the current gen of consoles Skunkape games, made up of former telltale employees, was born and so far has mostly focused on remastering those games, wtih a third set for this year. So since i'm long overdue to finally enjoy some ultra violence and adventure gaming with these two, kev bought me the remasters for Save the World and Beyond Time and Space, with plans to get the Devils Playhouse when it comes out to play through and review every month. So with all that possibly needless but still vital expostion out of the way what kind of game did we get? Find out with me under the cut as our heroes deal with some Culture Shock, washed up 70's stars, boxing gloves, and more for episode 1!:

Presentation wise.. this game is majestic as an eagle or that time max caused an international incident by hitting said eagle with a pistrami and crowbar sandwitch to save america from the ghost of william henry harrison. The game looks crisp and the world nicely lived in, even if you'll mainly juts be going between the duo's delapadated office, their friend Sybil's psycharcy office or whatever it is this week and Bosco's Inconveince for cheese and assault rifles. The music is simple but nicely fits.

The voice acting is excellent despite being filled with actors i'd never heard of, mostly working in the adventure game genre. The Cast does a PHENOMINAL job. David Nowlin does a terrific job of Sam getting his deadpan down just perfect while Andrew Chakin does a great job as max though he's replaced by a questoin mark for the rest of the series. The two play off each other perfectly, as they should and the rest of the cast isn't too shabby either with Oggie Banks and Amy Provenzero doing a great job as Bosco, the team's suplier, conspiracy theorist and Sam's surrogate father, and Cybil, a woman who changes careers more than her hair and serves as a friend and ally of the duo in the telltale games. The result is a game that has the lively energy of a cartoon while oftne lacking it due to the format.

Finally we have the core of any comedy, how funny it is.. and for me at least.. this may be one of the most hilarious things i've ever seen and i'm only on chapter 1. While the angaonitst aren't the best and we'll get to why in a second, it's thorughly compesnated for by our main heroes just unleashing a near nonstop barrage of great lines. IT's to the point I can't remember half of them simply because they come in so fast and there's smuch. Even tv tropes crowning moment of funny page only has a fractoin. It's probably the funniest video game i've ever played and i'm only on part one. If I miss a joke it's not out of malice but more because there's hundreds.

So with all the tehcnical stuff out of the way, we're on to the case itself. Well sorta first we get a very simple but welcome tutorial, mostly because as will become clear this is only my second adventure game. I played the first chapter of telltale batman.. but that's ore like a visual novel with some quicktime events, at least as far as I got. This is a full on classic use crap in your inventory to solve shit gameplay.

I played it on switch and while I admit a point and click like this is probably better played on a pc, ironically despite relying on it to write this very review.. it really can't game. While the Skunkape remasters arne't that intesntive I got this pc entirely because the graphics card was wonky, meaning I can cover 16 bit or so games, and likely other old pc games like Sam and Max Hit The Road, but I have ot be careful going too high up as I need this thing to do my job.

The controls are decent.. it can be frustrating having to wait for sam to be in position to click on something, but it's easy enough to scroll and dosen't slowdown gameplay too much, making it a fine option if you only have a console, especially this port as you can take it with you which granted is a plus for any switch port but given how easy it is to break up gameplay here outside of cut scenes, it's perfect for it , provided you have some headphones as while the game is fine without them, as I learned while you can play the game without sound it's just better with the voice acting.

Okay so now i'm done being a lying liar who lies we can REALLY get to things as the first task sets it up. One of your inventory items is Sam's gun, and to bribe their rat Jimmy Two teeth to give them their phone back, you have to shoot up a closet full of cheese just under jesse james hand to give them holes. It's also where my inexperince set in as I didn't realize part of the point of an adventure game is "Try everything you have in your inventory" so I didn't think the gun was something I coudld use till it came to me.

With that we get our case, Bosco who runs the inconvience store, it's actual name, has had some weirdo delivering free videos to his store and wants you to stop it. Before I do though I find someone comitting some grafitti and since threats of violence don't seem to sway the little middle aged scamp and he just runs if you try to use your gun, you have to do the one thing a policeman hates most.. actually talking to the suspect. Turns out the culprit is Specs, one of the soda poppers, a bunch of child stars on a 70's sitcom who have seen better days, and whose grafftotagging our heroes office as a tribute to his hero, brady culture, star of eye-bo and fellow former child star. Since our heroes can't get rid of him for now, or so I thought, we move on to our case where it turns out it's another Soda Popper, Whizzer.

Not that one, we don't want marvel to sue… no Whizzer is another soda popper and his one character trait is…

Yeah while specs is tolerable, not having much of a personality bu having a decent enough voice the rest of the soda poppers….

Whizzer really is only the gags he can run fast and pee. His voice is annoying, and pee jokes jokes usually take the piss out of a good bit of comedy. They can be gross or just… IT'S PEE LAUGH AT IT, which thankfully Sam and Max falls into more than the former. It's just not funny. And while i'm generally not a fan of pee jokes, you CAN make them work. Observe.

Now this scene is one long pee joke, one the creators were embarassed by… but actually works. Now in itself the intial bit of Little Cato pissing on the ship to mark territory is just gross.. but the fact Gary somehow thinks this is somehow legally binding, and that Clarence instanlly buys into it and order shis own child to start pissing it up, does… and then it wraps around to comedy gold, pun unintended and now regretted, when it turns into a giant war with every one of these idiots (with Nightfall understandably sitting this stuipdity out) getting into some weird pee war, stopping to hydrate and Ash being delighted she has UTI as a result. It's still gross.. but it's also actually funny just for being so entirely stupid, in character, and well thought out.

We can't stop Whizzer for now.. well okay like Specs we could but my dumb ass hadn't figured out how. We do meet bosco whose a delight, a throughly paranoid man whose set up security, gladly tricks sam into triggering it just to get a laugh, and has a great runner of Sam asking "do you have any" only to get a solid nope. I already love bosco and like Sam wish he was my dad. He has a teargas grenade launcher ofr sale for 10,000 dollary doos.

Before I got to the third popper though I actually tried the Eye-Bo, with our heros thankfully not present for the obvious brainwashing, it instead being jimmy two teeth. This leads our heroes to needing to stop him and cultures minons.

It's here I met the third and final and worst soda popper. Yes Whizzer somehow wasn't the worst. We get Peepers. And just starting at the voice..

It is PURE agony to listen to and given any time I tried a weapon it went to a HIGHER pitch, it's pure excuriation. It's this naisly, whiny pain that just digs into your brain. It makes his eventual compuance satisfying, but given he has the most dialouge out of the main trio, and spends it having tied up Sybil in the closet and claming to be her while sounding like louie anderson's clone whose badly melting and swallowed a bunch of hellium. The actual jokes aren't bad and Sybil herself is great, we'll get to her more in a sec, Peepers is pure pain.

So after failing to cave peepers skull in as he richly deserved, I hit the road as you can drive aorund the city aimlessly and pull people over.. and turns out that was th eproblem as, this being post george floyd, I was trying to be senstive and not abuse my power. But in a spoof like this that also clearly does not see the police kindly… that's EXACTLY what I was supposed to do: shoot the tailights out and then extort the 10,000 dollars. Our heroes grossly weild their power.. but that's always been kind of the joke and intentioal or not nicely parodies the real police. Though as Homer Simpson has warned this can have consequences.

This allowed me to buy the gun which is really just a salad shooter with onions in it. And yes that was a real thing and to my shock still is. you can buy one on amazon. I best know it from these bloom county strips

Bosco's works well enough and with that I can FINALLY take my well deserved vengance out on peepers

And I DIDDDD. I got the little bastard to cry and while we sadly didn't see it on screen, Max clubbed his head in with a boxing glove.. not enough to kill him unfortunatiley but we get some info. As you'd expect I have to take out each of the soda poppers to get a piece of the clue. And after trying for ten solid minutes to figure out what I was supposed to do I consulted a guide. And it showed off two vastly diffrent kinds of condrum in an adventure game.

With Whizzer… the solution was actually well laid out and taught me a valuable lesson in patience and really obeseriving things closely when your stuck with an adventure game puzzle. Bosco had mentioned his security system and left a piece of cheese out you coudln't buy, but if you left with would boxing glove you. Earlier i'd also found out Max using the bathroom made whizzer go. So while I had to look up the solution.. it turned out to be pretty clever: put the cheese in whizzers basket of videos while he's in the bathroom. It was satisfying finding it out and more satisfying watching Bosco's security brain the little bastard. It was a solution that while time consuming I probably woudl've been able to figure out, was cleve rand nicely used every facet of the area

In contrast Specs is frustraingly vauge. Finding a pen I figured out one part, you doodle on his grafiti to move him.. but the solution is frustrating. part of it Is I didn't realize the grafiti was on their building, but even with that i'm stumped as to how I was supposed to figure "drop a bowling ball on him from the office"> It taught me sometimes these things take multiple locations.. but also taught me there's no shame in getting help as while i've heard older adventure games have had some way worse puzzles, some are just that difficult.

This however leads into a chase instead which well made up for my frustration as we get a jazzy tune for the crew that's far better than 2/3 of them deserve as you try to shoot out the wheels of Specs car.

And now we're finally free of these guys part of why they don't work, as does main villian brady culture..is what their parodying. It's clear this is a parody of the celebrity culture of the early 2000's, where it was common to make a spectacle of former child stars and other celebrties down on their luck. I mean it's not like child stars can't do horrible things in modern day, just ask drake bell, but after so many former child stars have come out with horror stories, Jenatee Mcurdy's abuse under dan schnder in paticular… it's clear that this just isn't funny any more and never should've been. The Soda Poppers aren't really sympathetic, but it's no longer the easy target it was and thus while the chapter still has merit the main villians fall entirely flat to me. It dosen't help I've been more into 80's, 90's and so on sitcoms, as most 70's sitomcs either werne't avaliable to me as a kid or just weren't funny.

Brady himself is a bit better, being pompous, arrogant and the kind of former star WORTH mocking: someone who was famous for five minutes, whose show got cancleed (as we learn on a where are they now type thing you can optionally watch in the office) in favor of Soda Poppers. He didn't seem to suffer any abuse and thus decided brainwashing was better and pettily made the soda poppers lives even worse just to satisfy his ego. I also like his bits every time a soda popper is clubbed as he enjoys it.. only to realize his plan is unraveling as a result and that's not good.

To actually get into his evil layer though, the Brady Culture Home for Former Child Stars, our heroes have to get admitted and have to be diagnosed with artifical personality syndrome. Symptoms include an obession with money, a violent reaction to dentestry and an unconcious desire to see one peers getting older, so to get comitted we go to Cybil. I took her up on her offer of free psychatricy earlier and honestly while it's easy enough at least for the first two tests to get diagonsed, her tests are worth spending a while just messsing around with. We start with an ink blot test which is full of great answers, followed by a word assicoation where you can just.. react howeve ryou like, though myf aviorite is also the one needed simply pulling out your gun and shooting things. Granted I'm not a fan of a gun in real life… but I also suspect randomly shooting non living objects is something sam and max do for fun anyway, so it's fine here.

The final test is the hardest and the only one I needed help on as it's "your peers aging"… and you have PLENTY of options of stuff ot see from max's head on a plant to bosco as your father figure and mos tof it is hliariously, partly because Sybil is VERY bad at her job and frequently calls you some degree of crazy, and because she's convinced herself max is Sam's imaginary friend despite being both able to see him and interact with him. It's great stuff and like any great time concludes with a jump out a window and Sybil singing off.

Things.. don't go great though as just a few minutes later Sam is brainwashed and giving away tapes. This puzzle took me a second but i'm proud of myself for solving it: you simply grab the cheese and get conked out. The following setpiece is a LOT of fun as you have to take out a bunch of brady culture heads: he's stolen max's body, shown up in the light socket, on the tv and in the closet as a cheese man.

The solutions are all fun: you simply jimmy your antena to shut off the tv, turn the light off to turn off Brady

And most hilarously, make Jimmy Two Teeth giant with a bike pump.. which took a second to figure out but is oh so satisfying when he finally gets messily devoured by a rat. Huh.. I wonder if i'm the one who needs therapy , not sam. Who am I kidding.. we both do.

There's also a puzzle I tried my best to solve but just.. coudln't. You can use the one way sign the boys have ot reverse gravity but I coudln't figure out how to get max's head onto hugh. As it turns out what I was supposed to do was shoot the sign, and once I read that in my guide, it was easy enough to grab the little budy head and thus take my brain back.

With that our hero is free but he has to go rescue max. Problem is to prevent this repeating again we have to figure something out. Thankfully Sybil has some blueprints from a patient for an anti mind control device, who i'm sure will be important later but for this chapter this gross breech of doctor patient confdientiatly nets me what I need and Bosco is able to build it.. and thankfully let us back in after the whole brainwashing incident. What's a good tape delivery between friends eh?

So that leads us to our finale. Using the weird helmet, Sam is able to resist the hypno ray and it seems has a straight shot to brady.. until the soda poppers show up… and immdietly get brainwashed making this climax into an actual puzzle.

Thankfully you can talk to them and there are plenty of fun options from becoming sam to becoming brady to play around with for a while before the actual solutoin: Have them worship you.. then get brady confused enough to order them to attack him instead of "the dog", allowing you to pass through , rescue your little buddy, and have Hugh Bliss blissfully dead. Sadly the Soda Poppers are still alive but you can't have everything I guess. Our heroes have won.. but it' shinted on th etv that this hypno buisness isn't sovled.

Culture Shock is a fun start to thing. Like I said the villians.. are okay. Brady is funny enough thanks to his voice acting, but the soda poppers are one guy whose kinda there.. and two of the most annoying wastes of space and my patience i've ever seen. Especially you peepers, especially you. But the comedy is still at a fever pitch enough to be fun, and theres enough highlights, paticuarlly the second act with the therapy and sam's brain sequences, to make this a solid start. Pick up this game if you haven't and i'll see you next chapter as our heros have to taste the fame to stop another mind control scheme. Until then you can follow me here and on twitter for more shenanigans. Thanks for reading.

[heavenboy09]

5 Years Ago On April 12th, 2019

Lionsgate Studios Presents

In Association

& Dark Horse 🐎 Entertainment Presents

The Remake Of A Old Dark Horse 🐎 Comic Book Character / Anti-Hero To Return Back To The Big Screen In Over 11 Years

THE ORIGINS YOU MAY KNOW

BUT THE STORY YET TO BE TOLD, YOU HAVENT

IN 517 A.D., THE EVIL 😈 BLOOD 🩸 QUEEN 👸 , VIVIENNE NIMUE, UNLEASHES A PLAGUE ON ENGLAND 🇬🇧

UNTIL  KING 🤴 ARTHUR  THWARTS HER WITH THE AID OF GANEIDA

A MEMBER OF HER COVEN.

ARTHUR USES  EXCALIBUR  TO DISMEMBER NIMUE AND HIDES HER REMAINS ACROSS ENGLAND 🇬🇧. 

WHILE

BATTLING A TRIO OF RAMPAGING GIANTS...

THE LEGENDARY HALF-DEMON 😈

HELLBOY 😈 🔴

ENCOUNTERS NIMUE THE BLOOD 🩸 QUEEN 👸 , AN ANCIENT RESURRECTED SORCERESS WHO'S OUT TO AVENGE A PAST BETRAYAL.

SUDDENLY CAUGHT IN A CLASH BETWEEN THE SUPERNATURAL AND THE HUMAN WORLD 🌎 ....

HELLBOY😈🔴 SOON BECOMES HELL-BENT🔥 ON STOPPING NIMUE 🩸👸 WITHOUT TRIGGERING THE END OF THE WORLD 🌎 .

CAN THE DEMON WITH 😈 THE RIGHT HAND ✋ OF DOOM SAVE OUR WORLD 🌎 EVEN THOUGH HE IS NOT PART OF IT.

THE CHOICE IS HIS

TIME TO GIVE EM HELL 🔥

LIONSGATE STUDIOS

IN ASSOCIATION WITH

DARK HORSE 🐎 COMICS ENTERTAINMENT

PRESENTS

A NEIL MARSHALL FILM 🎥

DAVID HARBOUR

IS

HELLBOY 😈🔥

HAPPY 5TH ANNIVERSARY TO LIONSGATE STUDIOS

HELLBOY 😈🔥

HE'S 1 HELL OF A SUPERHERO😈🔴🔥🔫

#HellBoy #BenDaimio #AliceMonaghan #TrevorBruttenholm #NimueTheBloodQueen #BPRD #Lionsgate #DarkHorseComics

[cyarskaren52]

these video games had gamers rage quitting

The Worst Videogames of 2023

On this page we rank the lowest-scoring games released for any platform between January 1, 2023 and December 31, 2023. Games are ranked by Metascore (as of December 18, 2023) prior to rounding, and any titles with fewer than 7 reviews from professional critics are excluded. (In other words, these bad games are all major enough to get reviews from multiple publications.) 

If a single title would have landed on the list multiple times due to low scores on more than one platform, we only included the lowest-scoring version.

#10: Gargoyles Remastered

1 / 10

49

Photo by Disney Electronic Content

Disney's 1995 Sega Genesis platformer Gargoyles (based on the cartoon series of the same name) got the remaster treatment in 2023, but unless you are a die-hard fan of the IP, the new version has little to recommend it. Critics have complained about the remake's frustrating difficulty level and too-short length and wonder why the game needed to be brought back at all.

"Even those who enjoyed the show, but never played the original game, may have trouble immersing themselves in Gargoyles Remastered. Many of the changes made in Gargoyles Remastered are simply that - changes - and not necessarily improvements, leading to an overall disappointment for the potential this could have had." —Screen Rant

#9: Loop8: Summer of Gods

2 / 10

49

Photo by XSEED Games

A JRPG set in an alternate reality version of rural 1980s Japan, Loop8 finds your time-looping teenage protagonist battling a race of demons called the Kegai. (The "8" in the title stands for August, the month that you "get" to re-live again and again, theoretically fixing your mistakes each time.) Critics saved the majority of their complaints for the turn-based battle system, though the story and the game's overall repetitiveness also drew their ire. 

"The end result is a shallow, disjointed, and undeveloped experience. Rather than reflecting the nuances of our everyday lives, Loop8 most closely resembles the lives of aquarium fish." —GamingTrend

#8: Gangs of Sherwood

3 / 10

48

Photo by Nacon

A co-op action game set in Robin Hood's Sherwood Forest in which you play as one of the Merry Men? Not a bad idea for a videogame. But one that is set in a dystopian steampunk sci-fi version of Sherwood Forest filled with far-too-easy boss fights and poor overall execution? That, unfortunately, is what Gangs of Sherwood turns out to be. 

"By selling Gangs of Sherwood, Nacon is robbing from the gullible and giving to the inept. I'd have worked on a better closing analogy, but this game isn't bloody worth it." —The Jimquisition

#7: Hellboy: Web of Wyrd

4 / 10

47

Photo by Good Shepherd Entertainment

The world still doesn't have a good Hellboygame. Though it's slightly better than 2008's The Science of Evil, beat-em-up roguelike Web of Wyrd fails in its gameplay despite laudable visuals, the casting of the late Lance Reddick as Hellboy, and a clear respect for its source material (Mike Mignola's Hellboy comics). Note that the PC version scored 14 points higher than the console release (which still doesn't make it a good game—just a mediocre one.)

"Between its sticky brawling mechanics, repetitive level design, and extremely low difficulty, Hellboy Web of Wyrd simply feels like an unfinished game that was early on its journey to greatness. There's a heft to its combat, yet the controls aren't nearly snappy enough, and it's too easy to be engaging." —PlayStation LifeStyle

#6: Crime Boss: Rockay City

5 / 10

43

Photo by 505 Games

One of 2023's most-publicized flops, new IP Rockay City wastes a well-known cast that includes Danny Trejo, Michael Madsen, Chuck Norris, Kim Basinger, Danny Glover, and Michael Rooker,  among others* on what amounts to an inferior take on the Payday formula. (*In this case, "others" includes Vanilla Ice.) The first-person heist-shooter has you assemble four of their characters into a criminal gang that must complete a series of missions in a fictitious city that's basically 1980s or '90s Miami (though some aspects of the game feel like they are set in the present day). But you'll find much better writing in any of the late-20th century action movies Rockay City is so clearly modeled after.

"For all its faults (and it certainly has many), nothing here is egregiously terrible – which means, ultimately, that Crime Boss' biggest sin isn't that it's a bad game, but rather a very boring one." —Gaming Age

#5: Testament: The Order of High-Human

6 / 10

41

Photo by Fairyship Games

Attempting to blend action-adventure gameplay with Metroidvania and RPG elements, the second release from indie studio Fairyship Games finds you in a fantastical realm plagued by an epidemic of madness. Filled with everything from parkour to swordfighting to puzzle-solving, Testament ultimately fails to make any of its disparate components work well, according to reviewers.

"Simply put, Testament: The Order of High Human is a bad game that isn't fun to play and doesn't really offer anything meaningful to its players, who are better left if they simply avoid it." —IGN Italia

#4: Quantum Error

7 / 10

40

Photo by TeamKill Media LLC

A sci-fi/horror/shooter hybrid set in outer space, Quantum Error puts you in the shoes of firefighter Jacob Thomas as he attempts to rescue survivors from a combination of zombies and terrorists (and, well, fires). The firefighting aspect actually injects a bit of welcome originality into what otherwise amounts to a bland and poorly executed release. 

"Quantum Error is a flawed, frustrating and unfun slog that collapses under the weight of its lofty ambitions to blend multiple genres and mechanics on a limited budget and developing skillset." —WellPlayed

#3: Greyhill Incident

8 / 10

38

Photo by Refugium Games

An alien invasion-themed stealth/survival horror game from new studio Refugium Games, Greyhill Incident was a failure on almost every level, with critics noting poor acting, bland settings, and rote gameplay.

"Ultimately, Greyhill Incident is a big disappointment. This had real potential to be a short, but cool horror game that leverages tension and aliens in a way we haven't really seen in gaming. What we got instead is a flavorless game that feels like a concept for something much better." —Comicbook.com

#2: Flashback 2

9 / 10

35

Photo by Microids

The 1992 Amiga game Flashback (later released for other platforms) was a much-loved, Prince of Persia-like sci-fi platformer that was followed by a 1995 sequel under a different title, Fade to Black. This fall brought another sequel (more accurately, a prequel) to the now 31-year-old original, this time bearing the Flashback name—but absolutely none of its charm. Incredibly buggy upon its release, Flashback 2 also suffers from underlying  problems that can't easily be fixed, including an overall dated and too-simplistic approach that results in tedious, unchallenging gameplay.

"The most pointless sequel since Duke Nukem Forever. Every single good idea is crushed by five bad ones." —GameStar

#1: The Lord of the Rings: Gollum

10 / 10

34

Photo by Daedalic Entertainment/Nacon

Metacritic's Official Worst Game of 2023

Also the worst Lord of the Rings game adaptation in history, stealth platformer Gollum attempts to deliver an original story for its title character that is set between the events of The Hobbit and The Fellowship of the Ring. Critics note that extensive knowledge of Tolkien's books is a prerequisite for enjoying the game, but that's just the least of Gollum's problems. "Dull" and "tedious" are words that reviewers have used again and again to describe gameplay, while the controls leave something to be desired. But the biggest flaw is the game's visuals—or maybe it's the many game-breaking bugs. At any rate, it's a complete package: completely terrible. 

"What could have been Daedalic's chance to break into mainstream has ultimately backfired. A waste of a license, riddled with performance issues and just downright ugly gameplay, Gollum should be cast into any nearest fire, let alone a wasted trip to Mount Doom." —Finger Guns

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[gertlushgaming]

Vengeance of Mr. Peppermint Review (Steam)

 For this Vengeance of Mr. Peppermint Review, we embody a hard-boiled detective seeking bloody justice. in an old-school, Korean-style beat-’em-up. Plow through the criminal underworld to find and punish those responsible for his sister's death...before his mind unravels and his vengeance completely destroys him.

Vengeance of Mr. Peppermint Review Pros:

- Decent pixel art graphics. - 1.01GB download size. - Steam achievements. - Full controller support. - Graphics and game settings - resolution, fullscreen, time slowdown, and text-to-speech. - Accessibility settings - audio cues, and loud footsteps. - You can rebind controls for both the keyboard and the controller buttons. - In-game cutscenes. - Fighting gameplay. - 2D perspective. - The game is an all-out brawler with you performing combos with your light and heavy attacks. - You can pick up weapons and parts of the environment to use on enemies. - The game is broken up into film-like chapters. - Grab stunned enemies to throw them, perform a beat-down fatality, and you can hold the enemy and run around using them as a shield. - Has a strong Oldboy vibe with the story and gameplay. - You can scare enemies with your attacks and this opens them up to an attack. - Do environmental kills like placing the enemies on a hook. - Stamina is used to block attacks and timing it right gives you an opening. - Meaty combat. - You can roll around to avoid damage or cut down the distance. - Dojang is a wave-based mode where you kill X amount of enemies and then have a comical breather break. - You can replay sections of the story. - Cool-looking locations. Vengeance of Mr. Peppermint Review Cons: - Very mashy. - The combat takes a while to get used to from the punch distance to timing the combo inputs and breaking enemy blocks. - The story difficulty is up and down constantly and you don't have a set difficulty option. - Enemies can get cheap shits in from the sides of the screen. - Had many instances where the game thought I had finished when I hadn't and the enemies still attacked me despite doing no damage but I could proceed. - The elite like enemies are just annoying and stressful to do with. - Picking up weapons doesn't have an animation so you are never sure if you have it. - A very plain feeling experience. Related Post: Hellboy Web Of Wyrd Review (PlayStation 5) Vengeance of Mr. Peppermint: Official website. Developer: Hack The Publisher Publisher: Freedom Games Store Links - Steam Read the full article

[eddycurrents]

BPRD: The Devil You Know ~ Ragna Rok - Chapter Five

Story: Mike Mignola & Scott Allie | Art: Laurence Campbell & Mike Mignola | Colours: Dave Stewart | Letters: Clem Robins

Originally published by Dark Horse in BPRD: The Devil You Know #15 | April 2019

Collected in BPRD: The Devil You Know - Volume 3: Ragna Rok

Plot Summary:

Hellboy witnesses the end.

Reading Notes:

(Note: Pagination is in reference to the chapter itself and is not indicative of anything found in the issue or collections.)

pg. 1 - I’m impressed overall in the sheer feeling of desolation that Laurence Campbell and Dave Stewart accomplish here. And it just gets better from there.

It’s also interesting that Hellboy, and Grey, aren’t quite sure what Hellboy is any more. Especially when you consider that he’s also apparently still down in hell. It’s like there are multiple permutations of Hellboy’s soul/spirit/whatever out there now.

pg. 2 - Phenomenal view of the Ogdru Hem ruling the Earth.

pg. 3 - Here’s where the desolation gets ramped up just by a change of colour. That shade of grey, the appearance of the Ogdru Jahad on Earth, this just reminds us that everything’s well and truly screwed for life as we knew it on the surface.

pg. 4 - But they’re dead. That’s a very neat twist that the big bad, the huge evil that has been looming in space since the beginning of the narrative, are reduced to nothing sometime between Hellboy’s second death and now. It’s unexpected to see one of the series’ primary antagonists, the prima facie moving force of evil throughout existence, just...gone.

pg. 6 - And to find out that it was all the machinations of the Osiris Club. 

pg. 8 - That they did it with Hellboy’s severed hand fits in with the idea that his hand would bring about the end the of world. And that it didn’t quite matter if it was attached or not, the key would still unlock the Ogdru Jahad’s prison. Just that the end of the world didn’t quite occur how we thought it would, with the Ogdru Jahad taking over everything.

pg. 10 - I love the full colour coming back into Hellboy as he reattaches his hand.

pg. 11 - The destruction of their mansion is just magnificent.

pg. 12 - This is fitting. Both the shift to Mike Mignola’s own art to close out the story and the return of Hecate. She said that she’d be waiting for the end to be by Hellboy’s side for the finale.

pg. 13 - Also an interesting shift here. Going from fight to discussion.

pg. 15 - After all of the time that has passed during the reign of the Ogdru Hem, the fall of the Ogdru Jahad, that Liz is still alive is interesting. Though we’re not given an actual span, which may be shorter depending on how the Osiris Club’s story actually played out, it further ties into the idea that the Vril energy has been keeping her alive and keeping her relatively youthful. After all, she was born in 1962.

pg. 16 - The old world dying by fire, beautifully rendered by Mignola and Stewart.

pg. 20 - The synthesis between Hecate and Hellboy to give the life’s blood to the new world is a fascinating development. A transformation to bring about what’s next to come.

pg. 22 - I like that these frog people aren’t quite the same as the frogstrocities that we’ve seen since the Plague of Frogs. That they look more like Abe, and potentially have more of Abe’s disposition.

pg. 24 - This would seem to suggest that the cycle repeats. That a new version of the story told from Hyperborea to now may occur with the new race of man. Also, I find it kind of funny that Liz, the one character that Mignola didn’t necessarily know what to do with and was going to kill early on in the series, is the only one who definitely continues on into the future.

Final Thoughts:

The subversion of expectation while delivering exactly what was foretold is an interesting consequence of this finale. The end of the world comes to pass by Hellboy’s hand, Abe becomes the progenitor of the next race of man, and Liz takes on the role of the past priestesses of the Hyperboreans after unleashing the Vril energy across the world. It’s basically what we’ve been told was going to happen since the introduction of the larger end of the world mythos into the Hellboy narrative, but it’s not quite executed in how many of us probably thought it would play out.

To me, it’s one of the series that absolutely stuck the landing with a satisfying and entertaining ending. Whether you’ve only been reading Hellboy, BPRD, or everything within the universe, this is a well-told, well-executed ending that brings together the themes of destiny, transformation, and renunciation that have been running through the narrative since Seed of Destruction and pays them off beautifully. The story can potentially continue in extremely different ways, but this serves as a capstone to 25 years of storytelling.

d. emerson eddy wonders if frog scientists will try cloning Liz for a theme park; Lizassic Park.

[fullycompletely]

me and my new fantasy witch oc who i’m making take on some practical kabbalah practices as well bc i am a jew and i want to infect every fucking character i create with as much jew energy as possible PLUS if i hyperfixate on a new oc it will give me the brain blast to research this shit in the detail i have really been meaning to do... she doesn’t have a name yet but i’m thinking mila? or something like that. she has an aesthetic and a character design though! and i love her a lot already smh

[my-innermost-musings]

I would be honored to be able to put my fingers in you!! I'd taste the juices off of them too!!!

Work on your wording, my dude. 😂

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Okay, but the Hellboy II clip? That's definitely part of Moonshadow courtship rituals if both of them know how to fight.

Bahaha, yes fam. Consider tho: If Runaan makes sure that all his assassins are well trained, which of course he does, then this could be everything from assassin flirting to deciding who gets the last moonberry.

I can't decide which makes more sense: if Ethari can fight but chooses not to, or if he is just too gentle a soul to be able to learn techniques that could hurt others.

I'll tell ya, though... have you seen Quigley Down Under? God, so angsty. But Quigley drops a baller line when the villain, played by the lovely Alan Rickman, is forcing a final confrontation that he believes gives him the advantage: "Said I didn't have much use for 'em. Never said I didn't know how to use 'em."

If Ethari has such a moment where he has to step up and use a weapon in order to protect those he loves, and everyone assumes he can't? And then he just... lays waste with it?

Then yes, in that moment, I will giddily embrace the obvious pre-canon fact that Runaan and Ethari flirted with endless hours of badass, full-tilt, while-you-were-busy-being-heterosexual-I-studied-the-blade sparring courtship rituals. And in the meantime, it's definitely a favorite headcanon!

[scholastic-dragon]

Lurking in the Dark

Chapter 1: Monsters in Manhattan

Warnings: talk of kidnappings, mentions of blood, Tom Manning being annoying.

The garbage truck rolled out of the B.P.R.D headquarters at 19:00 sharp, heading straight for Manhattan.

It had been a quiet night, dark clouds roamed over the sky, occasionally raining and thundering over the quiet city. It had been a calm day, no one was yelling, being attacked, or bleeding. Everyone stuck to their own devices, simply enjoying each others company in a comfortable silence. 

Then the alarm sounded, bringing everyone back to reality. 

The gang quickly pulled on their gear and rushed out of the B.P.R.D at Manning’s request. Liz, Abe, and Hellboy were loaded into the back of the garbage truck. This raised a lot of questions because Liz normally sat up front with John. 

Hellboy pulled his coat over his shoulders as Abe adjusted his breathing apparatus.

"Did Manning give either of you guys a rundown on what we're hunting today?" Hellboy asked, loading his gun, glancing towards Abe and Liz.

"He only said we had to leave quick if we wanted to catch 'em." Liz pulled her bullet proof vest on, zipping it up. “I hate it when he does this, makes us rush out with no warnings or anything as to what we’re doing,” 

"Whatever it is, it's got him riled up," Abe added.

"What'd ya mean, Blue?" Hellboy questioned, moving to stand next to Liz, his arm wrapped around her waist. 

"He hasn't said anything yet, but the police went to Washington and handed over a case to us, apparently it's not something they can solve," Abe opened his apparatus and hooked it around his neck. He locked it into place, it bubbled as he took a deep breath. 

“What do you mean ‘it’s not something they can solve’?” Liz raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not sure, I couldn’t read any more of Manning’s mind before we were, rather rudely, shoved in here,” 

"So this really is going to be a fun night. Whenever Manning's in a bad mood it means he's up my ass," Hellboy rolled his eyes as Liz gave a soft chuckle.

The garbage truck pulled to a stop and John hit the back wall, calling to them from the passengers seat.

"We're here! Suit up!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The flash of the cameras sparked against the dark nighttime air. Police sirens echoed off the stone alleyways. It had rained only minutes prior to their arrival, leaving everything cold and wet. 

Hellboy, Abe, and Liz had just hopped out of the garbage truck when Manning came up to them.

"We're too late, everything...everything is gone," He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, glancing around nervously.

"Gone? What'd ya mean "gone"?" Red asked lighting a cigar.

"All evidence, fingerprints, weapons, blood..." Manning gestured to the alleyway with an large sweep of his arm. "..it’s all gone. It's as if nothing happened here,"

The other B.P.R.D agents scouted around the large stone buildings taking pictures of any and everything that could be a clue.

"What did happen here?" Abe asked, taking off his glove and waving his hand around the cobblestone ground.

The buildings on either side had been abandoned for what appeared to be decades. The windows were boarded up and cracked, and the walls were falling apart.

This neighborhood had been known for its high crime rate, the only things living here being criminals, magical creatures who didn't fit in and the occasional rat.

The alleyway was wide, covered in trash, empty boxes, and had spray paintings all around.

"Another kidnapping," Manning stepped aside, allowing Abe to move past him.

"Another? Isn't that like the fifth one this week?" Red groaned, blowing the smoke from his cigar into Manning's face. He coughed and fanned away the smoke.

"Yes, and we still have no clues as to where they are or even if they're alive," Manning's voice rose, he wiped his sweaty forehead again.

"Chances aren't good if this is the fifth one," Liz mumbled, taking out her flashlight and moving to the back wall with some of the other agents.

"Someone was definitely here, but it's like you said, there's no trace of anyone other than Judge Trevor Harold," Abe said, squatting done next to one of the large dumpsters.

"It was Judge Harold?" Manning asked, rubbing his balding head. “This is worse than I thought,” He mumbled to himself, turning away from Abe. 

"Find any and all case files that he gave a verdict for," Abe didn't glance towards Manning or Red, crawling around on the wet stones.

"Why?"

"Because I can feel the resentment and hatred from the....thing that kidnapped him. He was lured here and taken, that much I can feel," Abe shivered, it made the scales on his arm prickly, feeling the raw emotions of their meeting.

"You can't feel anything about this thing that took him, Blue?" Red took a step towards him, glancing up towards the roof of the building.

"No, it's...it's like it was a person, but no longer. A beast-or creature-like thing did this," Abe stood, turning to Red.

"I found something!" One of the agents, Granite, shouted from the far corner of the alleyway. He was squatted down next to a steaming manhole cover holding something in his hand.

Red, Abe, and Manning rushed over, crouching down next to him. He held out a cloth with gloved hands.

It was the cloth from a shirt, thin cotton, Abe guessed and it had a large cut in it and was stained with blood. The ends had been tattered and shredded, ripped from the man’s body. 

"We have to find this man, or else many more will pay," Manning commented, turning and giving more orders to the other agents.

"Any ideas, Blue?" Red stood, nudging Abe with his knee. Abe sighed, standing with him.

"No, whatever this thing is, it knows how to hides its tracks. So our only hope is to connect the dots of who they're kidnapping, and see what they have in common,"

"You don't think it could be more Sammaels right?" Red finished his cigar and threw it in the nearby dumpster.

"No, this thing is bigger, more viscous. Hungry for something we can only imagine,"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Judge Harold was last seen walking down the alley where Granite found the fabric," Liz bit on her nails, peering down at the illuminated table in the conference room.

A blue print of the alleyway had been hologramed onto the table, and a trail had been drawn on it showing Harold's path from his apartment to the buildings.

They had found three foot prints that matched Harold's walking into the alley. Thanks to the rain, his boot had been imprinted in mud and dirt.

"Is this all we really have?" Manning asked, waving his hands around widely. He looked to everyone in the room. "This is the fifth kidnapping this week! The police handed these cases over to us because they know it's not something they can handle!"

"And we are handling it!" Liz snapped at him. "It's hard to solve a case when we have no clues as to what did this. And we also just got handed the case, we’ve only had a few hours to look over it."

“And if you would tell us why to took this case, it might be easier for us to solve it,” Red added on, nodding to Liz before giving Manning a slightly annoyed scowl.

“The police haven’t found anything, it’s as if a ghost is luring these men there and then kidnapping them. They found a drop of blood on the sidewalk in one of the crime scenes, but it didn’t have a match.” Manning sighed. 

“It didn’t have a match? That’s not possible,” Liz argued. 

“Unless, it was a magical creature,” Abe interrupted, the gears in his brain turning to try and put the pieces together. “It would make sense, I mean the only things we have so far are his shirt, the footprints and the camera footage of him leaving his apartment building and heading towards the alley." Abe added on. “All these things are what we see on any normal day, this isn’t a human being.” 

"What about the blood on the cloth?" Manning put his hands on his hips. 

"It's being tested now, we'll have a verdict in no time,"

"Guys," John Myers entered the room, pushing the door open with his shoulder, holding a giant stack of folders in his arms. "I have all the case files you asked for,"

He set the large stack on the edge of the table, Manning opened the first folder, flipping through the papers.

"Good, now all we have to do is find a case with all the missing people," Abe said, staring down at the blueprint.

"You think all the men who were kidnapped are connected?" Liz asked, taking the next folder in the stack.

"Yes, they all happened at the same time- the dead of night- and in an alleyway close to their apartments. And I'm also certain these men were all Judges or Jury members at one point." Abe commented, looking up from the table.

“Who’s gone missing so far?” John asked. 

“Congressmen Peter McLowe, Owen Stevens, Johnathon S. Brown, Jack Turner, and Judge Trevor Harold.” Abe hit a button on the side of the table and the missing peoples reports for all five men appeared on the table. 

"This is going to take awhile," Red grumbled, peering over Liz's shoulder to read her folder.

"And we're going to need help," Manning commented, taking out his phone and leaving the room.

"These dudes have done dozens of cases together, how're we going to figure out how they're connected?" Liz asked, handing the folder to Red, glancing down at the digital files. 

"Maybe they all had the same case? Or worked on the same case together?" John sheepishly suggested, rubbing the back of his neck.

"In the alleyway, I sensed jealousy, anger, and resentment, worse than just had ever felt it. Whatever is taking these men had been hurt by them, in some way, and I'm guessing they were given a verdict they didn't like. As John had suggested." Abe crossed the table, taking the folders and spreading them out across the table.

John moved to stand at his side, looking at the table with him.

"But you said it was a creature?" Red commented, brow furrowed. "These guys are too old school to allow a magical creature in their courthouse."

"It must be one that can use a glamour," Liz answered. "But there's thousands of fairies and trolls that can use glamours, so this isn't going to be easy."

"But at least we have a start," Abe flipping through one of the folders before picking up another one.

"Abe, don't you have all those books with mystical creatures in them? Why not look in those?" John suggested with a half hearted smile.

"I would, but I can't feel what this monster is, there's no clues or evidence that it was even there," Abe shook his head. "We've never encountered a creature like this before. It’s like it knows how to be and act human but is also untamed and wild."

“What if it’s two creatures?” Liz asked, glancing at Abe. 

“I only sensed the presence of the creature and Judge Harold, I don’t think there was anyone else there.” Abe shook his head, sighing. 

"Well whatever is it," Red raised his pointed finger with his classic smirk. "We're gonna take 'em down,"

"Yes, we will, but with help," Manning had come back into the room, his forehead covered in sweat. "I called Washington, they're sending in a new B.P.R.D Agent to help us,"

"What, we aren't good enough for you?" Red mocked, as Liz his chest playfully.

"We need someone to help us with this, there's no questions about it. And thankfully they're sending in the best Agent they have, so this case will get solved in no time and my street cred will be saved."

"Do you only care about your street cred and not the lives that are in danger?" Liz crossed her arms, popping out a hip.

"Of course I care, when these men are found it'll save my job, it's a win win." He spoke calmly, putting his phone back into his pocket.

"If these men are found, the first man went missing over three months ago. From our work history, there's a chance these men have been dead for months," Abe commented sadly.

"Sir!" Agent Granite rushed into the conference room, panting. His blonde hair was rustled, his eyes wide with worry. "We found something else in the alleyway with Judge Harold,"

Everyone turned and glanced towards the door, putting down the folders.

"Well, don't just stand there, tell us!" Manning wiped his forehead again.

"It's a tooth, sir,"

"A tooth?" Manning mimicked.

"Like a human tooth?" Red asked, raising an eyebrow before glancing to Abe. Abe returned his confused expression, shrugging and glancing back at Granite.

"No, it's...well...it's better if you come see for yourselves," He opened the door and motioned for them to follow.

Manning rushed out of the room, the others shared a concerned look before following them down the hall.

Granite led them down to the farthest lab, at the end of a long hallway. Other agents were gossiping and talking about what had happened at the crime scene. Making their own theories about what happened to Judge Harold.

They reached Granite's lab, it looked the same as the other rooms. Concrete walls and floors with a large light in the center of the ceiling.

One of the back wall monitors had the alleyway blueprints on it, another had the results from the blood soaked cloth, and the third had Judge Harold's file pulled up.

On the table in the center of room were several test tubes, needles, plastic gloves, and small clear dishes. The dishes had dirt, rocks, and cloth in them from the crime scene.

In the largest dish was the tooth that Granite had found.

"That's no human tooth," Red mused, leaning over the table. Liz came to his side and gasped softly.

"That's a huge tooth," She agreed, hand covering her mouth.

The tooth on the dish was about 3 inches long, very sharp and wide. And the tip was coated in dried and crusted blood.

"Oh my," Manning's jaw dropping open.

John had gone to the back of the room to read the Intel on the monitors.

Granite stood on the opposite side of the table, his back facing the monitors. He looked at them with a worried expression.

"Who's tooth is that, Granite?" Red asked.

"It's...a crocodile tooth, sir," He whispered, cringing at their shocked faces. John's head whipped towards Granite, mouth agape.

"A crocodile?" Liz gasped, looking down at the tooth again.

"You found this at the crime scene?" Abe asked, picking up the dish and inspecting the tooth. He tried to read it, but it gave him nothing.

"Yes, and the blood on the tooth and cloth are a match." Granite cleared his throat, shifting from foot to foot. "It's Judge Harold's blood,"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tags: @pheradream15 (thanks for the confidence boost!)

[clownistyping]

I was wondering if you were able to do a request for the turtles having a SO that’s generally sweet and caring but when it comes to someone trying to hurt the boy’s feelings (like the cop scene in 2016 movie) they just go ultra BITCH mode putting someone in their place/one where the SO/reader scares the boys by surprise evasive maneuvers/drifting in the truck while their teaching them to drive but get ambushed, getting them to safety(little do they know they know how)? 0 w 0 or a merge of both?

I've got a lot of Hellboy so I'm just gonna do TMNT to not ruin hellboy for me.

Okay so like in the comics there's a part of new York that mutants live in, I can't remember how but let's just say that the boys visit that place a lot and hey even mutants are assholes. 

LEO

It was one of those rare nights, when you and Leo could just be. You and Leo. 

Walking down the dark streets of the mutant town, it was safe with Leo knowing he could literally throw a giant container. 

"So the new episode, my theory is that Jupiter Jim just turns into a toddler and the crew has to take care of this very serious baby." You laughed, it was rare to see Leo not be so serious. To be himself, and talk about his interests. 

"And like you know the other aliens, are trying to kidnap baby Jim because hey weak point-" 

"Alright put em up!" A voice yelled and suddenly a knife was pointed at your face. 

"Or the small one gets it!" The small man sneered and Leo looked at you, and you raised a brow. How dare this small man, interrupt your boyfriends very passionate conversation. The fucking audacity of a bitch. 

"What are you stupid?" You growled, slapping the man's hand away. 

"I'm not joking here, I'll stab you and the freak!" The man sneered, lunging towards you, you quickly grabbed his hand. Making him drop the knife you pushed his fingers back. 

"Freak? Freak!?" You yelled, hearing the man's fingers crack. 

"That fucking freak is the love of my life, who you just threatened. So I'll give you five seconds to get the fuck outta here!" You successfully broke three of his fingers and the man let out a silent screech. Nodding in pain, he snatched his knife and ran across the street. 

Glaring at the man as he left you looked back at your boyfriend as if nothing happened. 

"Honestly baby Jim could probably like, beat up all of the aliens." You laughed, grabbing Leo's hand you led the very confused turtle away. 

DONNIE

"Are you sure you wanna drive the tank?" Donnie asked as he held blueprints, leading you to the tank. You nodded with a smile, 

"Of course, I've got my license and common sense. So I'm sure I can." Donnie pursed his lips, unsure. 

Entering the tank, Donnie put the blueprints in their rightful spots and jumped a little when the tank growled awake. 

"Ready?" You asked, buckling in your seat belt. Donnie did the same with a tight grip, nervous to let you drive seeing as you can barely reach the brake. 

It was dark, the almost abandoned part of downtown was empty save for the strays and nightlife. 

The drive was silent but comforting as Donnie looked over the GPS. 

"Just take a left and our destination should be on the left." Donnie said, he needed a couple new adjustment parts to his tracking monitors and knows a mutant who'd sell them to him cheap. 

But his glasses quickly became crooked when the back of the tank was rammed into. 

"What the hell?!" You yelled, checking the rear view you were shocked to see a giant armored truck behind you. 

Donnie quickly took his bõ out, the wood still intact but advanced with new technology and a pipe at the end. 

"Stay here." Donnie mumbled, leaving a quick kiss to your forehead he left through the roof. 

"Come on out, Freak!" Two human men came out,  cladded in foot gear you scowled at them through the mirror. Just who the hell do they think they are?!

Donnie stood on the roof, studying the men's aggressive stances he readied for a fight. Until to fall on his face when the tank suddenly reared forward. 

"(Y-Y/N)?! He panicked as the tank did a quick U-turn straight for the truck. 

"I'LL SHOW YOU A FREAK!" He heard you yell at the men as you sped the tank straight for the truck. The tanks armor was almost indestructible, but right now Donnie didn't feel the same. 

Quickly he scurried back into the tank through the roof, 

"What are you doing!?" He yelled in confusion as he saw your face of rage. 

Then he was lunged straight on the window, shocked to see that you drove right over the men's truck. Completely crushing it, but not the men inside who quickly escaped. 

They ran off into the shadows, cursing at you both and you could only laugh. 

"Are you okay?" You asked after calming down, helping Donnie steady himself. 

"Me? (Y/N), you drove like a manic! What was that?" 

You blushed as he grabbed your face gently, 

"I don't know i just..i wanted to help." You smiled nervously and Donnie could only shake his head with a laugh. 

"Well thank you." He pulled you in for a quick kiss. 

RAPH

You hummed as you studied the aisles of fruit and veggies, the mutant town was having their open market out for the spring. So many fresh veggies were ripe for the picking. 

"Thinking of veggie pizza tonight?" You asked and Raph hummed with disgust, 

"Meat lovers or nothing babe, you know it." You chuckled with a nod, still buying some for later. 

"Is that- Jesus I thought i was bad." You heard a voice nearby cackle, and turned to examine it. 

Seeing a young couple, one a bird mutant and the other a squirrel. Raising a brow you continued to eavesdrop as Raph looked over the fruits for shakes. 

"I mean, like- ugh I just couldn't deal with that texture. Rough skin, and the shell. Blegh." Your brows furrowed, 

"And the turtle's with a human, kinda rare. Like they're trying so hard, right?" The other laughed, and your knuckles went pale. 

Staring the couple down, you stomped their way. 

"You better watch who you're talking about because that turtle you think is so disgusting, has probably saved your life without you even knowing. So fucking watch it, Furry." You seethed and turned, not even acknowledging their reactions. 

Before you made it to Raphael you took a calming breath, refusing to let it take anymore control over you. 

"What was that about?" Raphael questioned, biting into an apple, he rose a brow after seeing the small scenario. 

"Just taking care of you." You grabbed his free hand, 

"Let's go home." You pulled him away from the crowd with a smile. 

MIKEY

"SIXTEEN! EIGHTEEN! COME ON, MIKEY, TWO MORE. TWENTY!" You cheered as Mikey stuffed the twentieth pizza slice in his mouth, drool was dripping out but you still cheered. 

"Guess Mutants really are all just a bunch of pigs." A snide comment passed through your ears and you stopped mid cheer. 

The restaurant you were both in was currently a mutant friendly restaurant, but still visited by humans. 

You studied the room and your eyes glared as you saw the smirking male, staring right at Mikey. 

"What?" The male said, now looking at you. 

"Oh nothing, just guess human men are jealous of what mutants can do with their mouths." You smirked, and Mikey choked on the pizza. The human male stiffened, muttering insults he slammed his napkin down and left the establishment. 

"You okay babe?" You asked, and Mikey managed to swallow the pizza, he nodded.

"I didn't expect that out of you, babe." He laughed and pulled you close with a kiss. You smiled as he tasted of pizza. 

[og-danny-dorito]

So you like hellboy can you write some nsfw headcanons for him please🥺

OH I see 👀. So you’re thirsty? Well don’t WORRY for your thirst will be quenched dear anon. I’ve got some of those coming right your way! Although I will give you a sneak peek because you can’t have the full list just yet ;)

- I wanna say that he has like, an unnaturally big dick. Well, it’s unnatural for human beings because like that wouldn’t all Fit™️ inside a human being but he’s obviously not one of those so it’s not really out of the ordinary

- super kinky. Like SUPER kinky. He’s pretty much got everything in the book except for some things but just an example to give you an idea is that he gets really riled up seeing his s/o in latex or rubber of some sort. leather is also one of his go-tos

- he’d never want to hurt his s/o but he’d be super into play-fighting. He would LIKE some resistance before he absolutely wrecks you, please. that doesn’t mean he’s strictly a top though. In fact, he’d much rather be a power bottom than be on top because he’s Lazy™️ but if you catch him frustrated and wanting to release those pent-up feelings he’s definitely going to plow you without much hesitation

- ass or chest? The age old question remains a neutral position for this big red baby, but he won’t lie and say he doesn’t like to just shove his face in some titties after a long day or while relaxing (male or female biology doesn’t mean shit to him, he just likes chests)

Thanks for askin Anon, and I’ll be sure to get em done ASAP for you ;)

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #467

Top Ten Romantic Couples in Superhero Movies (& TV)

It’s Valentine’s Day this weekend. Woo, I guess? I dunno. I’m not generally cynical about holidays but Valentine’s Day does seem to be entirely focused on selling cards without any of the associated pleasantries of, say, Christmas or Halloween. I’d rather just try to be nice to my wife all year round. At least because of the apocalypse all the restaurants are closed so we can’t be tempted to pay through the nose for a set menu. Anyway, it gives me a strained excuse to tie this week’s Top Ten to something vaguely romantic.

Superheroes are often horny. This seems to be a defining characteristic of the artform. Whether it’s their descent from ancient myths, or their creators’ origins in writing romance books, or just a function of genre storytelling in the mid-twentieth century, there’s quite a lot of romantic angst in superhero stories. Pretty much every superhero has a significant other; Lois Lane even got her own comic that was actually called Superman’s Girlfriend, Lois Lane. It’s hard to conceive of many heroes without their primary squeeze, and often – as we get multiple media adaptations of characters – we can add diversity or a twist to the proceedings by picking a lesser-known love interest, or one from earlier in the character’s fictional history; for instance, Smallville beginning with Cark Kent’s teenage crush Lana Lang, or The Amazing Spider-Man swapping out Mary Jane Watson for Gwen Stacey.

Anyway, I’m talking this week about my favourite superhero couples. I’ve decided to focus on superhero adaptations – that is, the characters from movies and films based on superhero comics or characters. I find this a little bit easier as I don’t have a phenomenal knowledge of sixty years of Avengers comics, but I have seen all the movies a bunch. As many comics as I’ve read, and as much as I love various ink-and-paper pairings, I can arguably talk more authoritatively about the fillums than the funny books. And let’s be real here, kids: my favourite comic book romantic couple is Chromedome and Rewind in Transformers. Also if I split them in two I can talk about comic couples next year. Woohoo!

It really is hard thinking of these things nearly nine years in, folks.

So! Here, then, are my favourite movie-TV Couples in Capes. Obviously there’s a fair bit of MCU in here. And I’ve been pretty specific about “superhero” romances: so no Hellboy and Liz Sherman, sadly (and I do really like them in the movies, of which they really need to make a third). Some are civvies-and-supes; some are capes-and-capes. You’ll work it out.

Superman & Lois Lane (Christopher Reeve & Margot Kidder, Superman, 1978): who else? The most famous romance in all of comics, a combo so strong it remains the focus of pretty much every interpretation of the character, but arguably never better than here; so good are Reeve and Kidder that their fast-talking banter and inherent goodness set the template for a huge swathe of other comic adaptations to follow. She’s sarky and streetwise; he’s gormless and good-hearted. She leaps in where angels fear to tread, he’s an invulnerable alien in disguise. They have buckets of chemistry and an utterly believable (tentative) romance. They’re perfect performances and the scenes of Clark in Metropolis for the first time (including Superman’s balcony interview with Lois) are the best bits of an already excellent film.

Raven & Beast Boy (Tara Strong & Greg Cipes, Teen Titans Go!, 2014): on a totally different register, we have the comedy stylings of the Teen Titans. Raven and Beast Boy had a flirtatious relationship on the original Titans series, but on this longer-running and much more demented comedy follow-up, they were allowed to make the romance more official (I nearly said “explicit” but, y’know… it’s not that). The jokes and banter – BB the love-struck, jealous suitor, Raven the too-cool partner who feigns nonchalance – build and build, but every now and again they’re allowed a moment of genuine heartfelt romance, and it hits all the more strongly amidst the ultra-violence and outrageous comedy.

Captain America & Agent Carter (Chris Evans & Hayley Atwell, Captain America: The First Avenger, 2011): the premier couple of the MCU, Steve and Peggy spend a whole movie flirting (she sees the goodness of him even before he gets all hench) before finally arranging a date that, we all know, is very much postponed. Peggy casts a shadow over the rejuvenated Cap and the MCU as a whole, founding SHIELD, inspiring dozens of heroes, and counselling Steve to her dying days. She remains Steven’s true north (like Supes with Lois, Peggy’s an ordinary human who is the actual hero of an actual super-powered hero), guiding him through the chaos and tragedy of Endgame, until they both get to live happily ever after. Even though he snogged her niece.

Batman & Catwoman (Michael Keaton & Michelle Pfeiffer, Batman Returns, 1992): Pfeiffer delivers a barnstorming performance as Selina Kyle, all barely-supressed mania and seductive feline charm. The chemistry between her and Keaton is electric, and propels the film forward even when the Penguin-runs-for-mayor stuff gets a bit daft and icky. There are beautiful moments of romantic comedy when they’re both trying to cover up injuries they gave each other, and of course there’s “mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it” – a line that runs a close second to “dance with the devil” when it comes to Burton-Batman quotations (just ahead of “never rub another man’s rhubarb”). Burton, generally favouring the macabre villains over the straighter edges of the heroic Batman, nevertheless makes great play of the duality of the character, and how this is something he and Catwoman can share – both “split right down the centre” – but also how this means a happy ending for either of them is impossible.

Spider-Man & Mary Jane (Tobey Maguire & Kirsten Dunst, Spider-Man, 2002): whilst a lot of this is really down to the sexiness of them kissing upside-down in the rain, there’s a nice duality to Peter and MJ seeing through each other too: he sees the wounded humane soul beneath her it-girl persona; she sees the kind, caring man underneath his geek baggage. This arc plays out beautifully across the first two films (ending in that wonderfully accepting “Go get ‘em, tiger”) before sadly getting all murky and unsatisfying in the murky and unsatisfying third film. Still: that kiss.

Wonder Woman & Steve Trevor (Gal Gadot & Chris Pine, Wonder Woman, 2017): probably the film that hews closest to the Clark-Lois dynamic of the original Superman, to the point where it includes an homage to the alleyway-mugging scene as Diana deflects a bullet. Steve is Diana’s window into man’s world, showing her the horror of the First World War but managing to also be a sympathetic ally and never talking down or mansplaining anything. He’s a hero in his own right – very similar to another wartime Steve on this list – and very much an ideal match to the demigod he’s showing round Europe. And, of course, Gadot’s Diana is incredible, both niaive and vulnerable whilst also an absolute badass. There is an enduring warm chemistry to the pair, with a relationship which we actually see consummated – relatively rare for superheroes! The inevitability of his heroic sacrifice does nothing to lessen the tragedy, and no I’ve not seen Wonder Woman 1984 yet.

Hawkeye & Laura Barton (Jeremy Renner & Linda Cardellini, Avengers: Age of Ultron, 2015): I love these guys! I love that Hawkeye has a relatively normal, stable family life. He has a big old farmhouse that he wants to remodel, he’s got two kids and a third on the way… he’s got something to live for, something to lose. It humanises him amidst the literal and figurative gods of the Avengers. And they’re cute together, bickering and bantering, and of course she is supportive of his Avenging. I hope we get to see more of Laura and the kids in the Hawkeye series, and I hope nothing bad happens to them now they’ve all been brought back to life.

Wanda Maximoff & Vision (Elizabeth Olsen & Paul Bettany, Avengers: Infinity War, 2018): theirs is a difficult relationship to parse, because they’re together so briefly. They cook paprikash together in Civil War before having a bit of a bust-up, and by Infinity War they’re an official couple, albeit on the run (and on different sides). That movie does a great job in establishing their feelings for each other in very little screentime, with their heroic characteristics on full display, before the shockingly awful tragedy of Wanda killing Vision to save the galaxy, before Thanos rewinds time, brings him back to life, and kills him again, and then wins. Their relationship going forward, in WandaVision, is even trickier, because we don’t know what’s up yet, and at times they’re clearly not acting as “themselves”, defaulting to sitcom tropes and one-liners. Will Vision survive, and if he does, will their relationship? Who can say, but at least they’ll always have Edinburgh, deep-fried kebabs and all.

Batman & Andrea Beaumont (Kevin Conroy & Dana Delany, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, 1993): woah, Batman’s back but it’s a different Batman, say whaaaat. Animated Batman has had a few romances, from the great (Talia al-Ghul) to the disturbingly icky (Batgirl, ewwww), but his relationship with Andrea Beaumont is the best. Tweaking the Year One formula to give young Bruce a love interest that complicates his quest is a golden idea, and making her a part of the criminality and corruptiuon that he’s fighting is a suitably tragic part of the Batman origin story. Conroy and Delany give great performances, him wringing pathos out of Bruce, torn between heart and duty (“It just doesn’t hurt so bad anymore,” he wails to his parents’ grave, “I didn’t count on being happy”), her channelling golden age Hollywood glamour. The tragedy of them rekindling their relationship years later, only to wind up on different sides again, is – again – so very Batman. It’s a beautiful, earnest, very Batman relationship, a great titanic tragedy of human emotions and larger-than-life ideals. And they both look good in black.

Harley Quinn & Poison Ivy (Kaley Cuoco & Lake Bell, Harley Quinn, 2020): this one’s a little bit of a cheat, as I’ve only seen the first season of the show, where Harley and Ivy don’t even get together. But in the wider, non-canonical sense of these being characters who are part of the pop-cultural ether, Harley and Ivy will always be a couple, I feel; and there’s definitely enough in there already to see the affection between them, not yet consummated. They adore each other, are always there for each other, and as the season follows Harley getting out of her own way and acknowledging the abuse of her relationship with Joker – and finally getting over it in the healthiest way possible for a bleached-white manic pixie in roller derby gear. And all through this, holding her hand, is Ivy. They’re utterly made for each other, and I’m glad that they do get together in season two. I hope that Margot Robbie’s rendition of the character can likewise find happiness with a flesh-and-blood Ivy. Hell, just cast Lake Bell again. She’s great.

Just bubbling under – and I’m really gutted I couldn’t fit them in – was Spider-Man & M.J. from Spider-Man: Far From Home. Like Batman, I’m comfortable including multiple continuities here, and those cuties offer a different spin on a classic relationship.

[digitalcomfortspot]

(I’m finally doing this because I fucking need to, bro, I just gotta.

Confession time.)

Hellboy paces, trying to write something nice. What’s a good word for ‘good’? His pen hits the paper over and over again, and yet again it goes in the garbage. Fuck. Why was this harder than it needed to be...?

Writing a confession was almost as lame as texting a confession, but the demonic man seems to find his courage leaving him when he faces the human technician and weapons expert. So a romantic letter seemed to be the next best bet. Except for the fact that he was TERRIBLE at writing. He slams his fist down on the table, the wooded surface and the floor below it shaking with the force.

“Red... You’re going to crack the table in half if you keep doing that,” Abe remarks from his tank, watching his best friend struggle. “You don’t have to be poetic-”

“I don’t wanna hear any lip from you, Blue, I just wanna sound... Sincere. Heartfelt. The mushy stuff.” He sighs, sitting down and trying again. 

“I can tell you from experience, Marswood likes you as you are. Perhaps you should give them more credit.”

“I ain’t takin’ the credit, I just don’t want this to be half-assed.” He crumples another piece of paper, and throws it to the ground, like all the others. “I want them to FEEL something. To fuckin’ swoon. Why is that so difficult?” 

“Well... Perhaps, you should just tell them yourself. After all, it’ll make more sense coming straight from you than from a piece of paper.” The ichtyosapien swims a bit closer. “I know you’re worried this won’t go well, but the worst they can say is no.” 

The door quietly opens behind Red, and the person who entered is about to say something. But Red is preoccupied and doesn’t notice, launching into a spiel with his hands waving a bit wildly as he talks. 

“The worst would be no! You really think I could keep going without that goofball in my life, don’tcha? That I don’t think about ‘em constantly? It’s almost stupid how much I care for the twerp. I just, I see them and everything is fine for once. Fine! How could I let go of Magnus, Blue? How? If they reject me I’m gonna crawl into a hole and never come out again because I just...”

He sighs, sitting down, head in his hands. 

“Red-”

“Fuck... I love them, okay? I’m in love. That’s how big this is. It’s a big fuckin’ deal, and if I confess in person, I’m gonna fall all over myself and make a fool outta me.”

“..... Uh... Red...” Abe points behind him. “You may not have to.” 

Hellboy freezes, eyes wide as the cold wave of realization sweeps over him. He turns to see his friend Magnus Marswood with his Samaritan handgun in his arms, back from repairing it. The human looks shocked, cheeks bright red as they run a hand through the fluffy bangs of their black undercut, a nervous stim they tend to have. They look up at him with those big brown eyes and he knows. They heard the whole thing.

“... I... uh... I fixed it for you, I-I...” They hold up the gun in their hand, handing it back. “... Um... So what’s... what’s this all about?”

Red takes the gun back, cheeks a dark crimson nearing black. “... I didn’t mean for you to hear that, Mags, I... Sorry. Shit... This is not how I wanted this t-” 

Suddenly, two hands grab his shirt by the chest and he’s YANKED down, eyes going wide as suddenly the human is kissing him with so much affection he thinks he might die. His eyes slip shut and an arm slides around their back, pulling them closer. “Mmh...~” He gives a soft noise of approval, before pulling away. “... I...” His words fail him, and he stares.

“... I-I... Listen, Hellboy, we’ve been friends for years. You’re a GOOD guy, and you’ve got this heart of gold that just... I dunno. But... I love you too. And... If you wanna try being together, I wouldn’t be opposed...” They smile, leaning into him a bit. They still seem nervous. 

Hellboy’s shocked expression melts into a smile, and he presses his forehead to theirs, minding the horns. “Well, shit, when you make me an offer like that...” Suddenly, he’s scooping them up and they yelp. 

“Where are we going- WHOA-” He carries them bridal style. 

“Gotta rectify all the dates I coulda had with you and didn’t. ‘S only fair. Come on, doll~” 

They laugh, smiling as they let him carry them. “You dork... Okay.”

(SCREAMS)

[turnmeonbigreddevilman]

HC's for how 2019 Hellboy is with PDA around his s/o? Tall or short, human or not human, don't matter! How does he love 'em up and how does he like to be loved up?

((These are kind of similar so I combined them!! I hope that’s okay!! ))

• The first kind-of-somewhat pda that happens in the relationship in the beginning is the hand on lower back thing. Idk, I just strongly feel like HB is exactly the type to do that but only to his s/o, bc he’s not a creep about it lol. Cue a big hand (flesh or stone, it don’t matter, both are LARGE) on your lower back as he passes you, as you both walk somewhere, to guide you in a specific direction, etc. He can’t control it, it just happens.

• he’s actually big on hand-holding. If you’re out somewhere and not holding hands, you can actually watch as his left hand reaches out, subconsciously looking for yours. (He prefers holding hands with his flesh hand because he can feel your hand better and he isn’t so scared of accidentally squeezing your hand to pieces like he is with his stone hand).

• He’s going to kiss your hand while he’s holding it, it’s not an option. He has to.

•Kiss his hand or knuckles too and it’s over. He’s melting.

• Can I add that the way this man (? Demon?) looks at you should be considered pda in itself? He looks at you so lovingly and softly, it’s damn-near adorable.

• He’s a little bit old fashioned (plus he’s proud of how big his arms are) so you can take him by the arm while the two of you are strolling around any time! It might make the two of you look like a 19th century courtship but he doesn’t care, he loves you and he loves feeling big and strong, like he can protect you (which, I mean, come on, he can).

• He smacks that ass as you walk by.

• He doesn’t mind if you smack his ass (plump demon-man booty, wooowee) but he acts like he minds to keep up the macho demon thing (you can see through it tho)

• Okay, back to fluffy:

• Hellboy is not one to care much for what people think, so of course he plants some big ones on you in public. He has to lean down, ofc, and he gives you kisses for every occasion. You’re leaving on a mission? Smooch. He’s leaving on a mission? Smooch. No reason, you’re just cute and he loves you? Smoochy smooch.

• He likes feeling bigger than you (big protection points) so expect him to come up behind you and give you HUGE hugs. I’m talking bear hugs in which his whole body bends into you and he can’t help but smile a lil’. Same goes for the regular front-facing hugs too, he swallows you up either way.

• That being said he also likes when you come up behind him and give him a big hug. It happens so often that, even if he’s busy, he’ll instinctively crack a little grin and put his hand over yours while continuing to work.

• kiss his forehead, right between his horn stubs and he’s in heaven. He feels so lucky to have you, and after coming back from a hard mission, it’s just what he needs to start feeling better.

• Hellboy is constantly saying “I love you”, it’s almost like a catch phrase. He can’t help it. A lot of times, when it’s more serious, he’ll just look at you and it’ll come out gravelly and full of meaning but sometimes he’s loud, happy, and proud. (Think ending credits scene when he screamed “I love you, Lobster Johnson” but instead he’s being silly and yelling it at YOU).

• He’s just a happy dude and he tries so hard to show you that he loves you through little gentle touches. I’m talking touches so gentle that sometimes you’re surprised that someone so large and intimidating is capable of such gentleness. Oh, but he is, and it’s all for you. He’ll spend the rest of forever being gentle and loving towards you because you’re his everything and he can’t get enough of you!