#Great comedic straight man while also having some really hard hitting emotional moments.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I started reading Dungeon Meshi last week, became instantly charmed and captivated, and blitzed through the entire manga in 4 days (and changed my profile picture about it). With that in mind, I would just like to say...

I love your dungeon meshi art so so much

CHILCHUCK!!!!!!!!

Thank you kindly! I love Dungeon Meshi a lot, so I'm happy to see so many people get into it for the first time.

CHILCHUCK!!!

[ordinaryschmuck]

Starkid Musicals Ranked from Worst to Best

Salutations to you, random people on the internet who most certainly won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Welp. I finally did it. I've watched the entire Starkid musical library, and I must say, most of these plays fit my writing style perfectly:

Humor that is cynical yet random

Leaning in with comedy while sprinkling in some well-executed drama

An understanding that any type of story works as long as the cast of varying personalities of characters is dynamic enough to result in some phenomenal chemistry.

This is in almost all of their plays, excelled through fantastic writing and stellar performances driving the overall quality. And it inspired me not only to review each musical, but also ranking them all from worst to best. Or, more accurately, least good to most good. Because even at their "worst," Starkid still provides a funny, enjoyable experience that will keep you laughing with its comedy and your toes tapping with its catchy music. So strap in as I go in-depth into how Starkid proves how they are the masters of humor and melody.

(I'll also provide links to each musical, which is all for free on YouTube, so you can check them out yourselves. Just know that their early work is impossible to enjoy without subtitles, so you might want to have Closed Captions on when watching.)

#12-Holy Musical B@man-Everything about this play makes it seem like it's the weakest to me. The jokes, songs, and characters in Holy Musical B@tman just don't hit as hard as Starkid's other plays. It's still good, but compared to their best, the cracks show a lot more. That is, except for the ending. Not only is there a great speech that shows what makes superheroes so beloved, but "Super Friends" might just be my favorite finale song Starkid has ever put out. Holy Musical B@tman may not be the best, but it's at least worth the time.

#11-Firebringer-This was stupid. Really stupid. Funny as f**k, but still pretty stupid. Although I will give credit to one of the central pairings being LGBTQA+...Even though it makes little to no sense based on the characters' previous interactions. But in fairness, Starkid really sucks at writing good romantic relationships, so at least Firebringer has the benefit of being gay. And as we all know: The gayer, the better. The play is still stupid, though.

#10-Me and My Dick-The world in this musical makes little to no sense. Penises and vaginas are sentient and can communicate with their humans. And yet the penises and vaginas can also talk with each other, form relationships, leave their humans, and reinsert themselves into others--Yeah, it makes no sense...But, DAMN, is it funny! Every joke and innuendo Me and My Dick has about human anatomy works, and I could not stop laughing at each of them. Especially the names that were given to the vaginas, which are just...I mean, I'm laughing just by thinking about them. That should tell you how funny they are. This play might be illogical in every way, but if you turn your brain off and watch it for the humor, you'll definitely be in for something fun.

#9-ANI: A Parody-What's weird about ANI is that its best qualities are also weaknesses. A good chunk of the jokes are hilarious and expertly delivered. The issue is that most of them are about taking potshots at the Star Wars prequels, which might be the laziest jokes to make in a Star Wars parody. Then there's the soundtrack, having several songs that are a bop to listen to. The problem is that ANI suffers from the same issues as Tarzan and Brother Bear: Yes, technically, it is a musical, but it's one where none of the characters sing, and some people in the background do all the singing instead. It's all an odd balancing act of quality content made through questionable choices. ANI is still an entertaining play, but the force isn't as strong with this one.

#8-Black Friday-This might be the least funny play that Starkid has ever put out. Not just because it leans extra hard into drama, which was pretty effective during certain scenes. It's just when there are jokes in Black Friday, they tend to fall flatter more here than they did in other plays. Also, the plot of Black Friday might not be the best one to play straight. The serious moments work best when focusing on the characters and their personal struggles, but through the big bad that's supposed to be threatening? Not so much. Even if it was meant to be funny, well, I wasn't laughing. And believe it or not, I consider that to be the best judge of whether or not something is funny. That being said, while Black Friday isn't the most humorous Starkid musical, it's still pretty good. The characters are excellent, the songs are awesome, and the story is somewhat easy to follow. I would have appreciated a few more laughs, but I can respect these talented people wanting to challenge their strengths.

#7-Starship-This play feels very...Disney. It follows a familiar formula we've seen several times: The main character wants more than what he has in his crappy life, miraculously gets the exact thing he wants, falls in love with a girl in a short amount of time, faces off against a campy/over the top villain, realizes the hand he's been dealt isn't so bad, and in the end, gets what he wants anyway. Starship is still pretty entertaining through its jokes, characters, and songs, but it also feels weird that Starkid leans into these tropes when they would eventually make a much better play by making fun of them. The end result is not bad in the slightest, but it's also nowhere near their best.

#6-A Very Potter Musical-Starkid's first production, and boy, what a start to something wonderful. Every one of their gimmicks and motifs is present in A Very Potter Musical. The use of parody to playfully mock characters and stories they love, making songs that are as funny as they are emotional, and creating characters that work because of their lines and the actors' performances. Oh, and also, it's funny. And it’s not just through a parody angle, like making Cedric be a perfect boy who's always smiling. It's also funny through its jokes that work, even if you ignore the fact that it’s a parody altogether. Case in point, there are these two bits, one involving Voldemort and Beatrix with the other involving Ron and Hermoine, that are written and delivered so well that I was in tears much more than with any other Starkid play. When watching A Very Potter Musical, you'll not only understand how parody works, but you'll also gain an understanding of why Starkid turned out as successful as they did.

#5-The Trail to Oregon-What can I say? I'm a sucker for comedic dysfunctional families. And seeing a family of idiots make their way to Oregon via The Oregon Trail parody? Yeah, that's a win for me. The play may be another family road trip narrative, which some people might get sick of at this point. But because the dynamics and comedic chemistry everyone has with each other are on point, the end result proves that you don't need an original story to tell an entertaining one. Although I will say that out of all of Starkid's productions, The Trail to Oregon has by far the worst ending. Without giving anything away, the play spends way too much time on this one stupid joke that any of the characters could make. Comedy is defined by personalities, as are most things, so making the joke work for anyone is a bad move when this one, in particular, doesn't fit as well for some characters as it would for others. Plus, the finale song "Naked in a Lake" is a really poor choice to cap off this musical. It's catchy, but to me, a finale song should encapsulate everything about the story, characters, and themes. Not paying off a joke that I honestly wouldn't want the payoff for. So while the ending could have used a lot more polish, that doesn't change how The Trail to Oregon is a pretty funny play that I won't mind revisiting when I have the chance.

#4-A Very Potter Sequel-Hey, sometimes a sequel is better than the original. Sure some jokes don't land, and some story beats aren't as impactful as they thought they were (Serious Black's introduction, for example), but there are far more improvements to this play than the last one. The performances are stronger, the jokes are funnier, the music is catchier, and the characters are much more entertaining in this play than in A Very Potter Musical. Especially new additions like Lupin and Lucious Malfoy, who provide great comedy and sublime drama at times. And Umbridge. Sweet Mother of all that is holy, Umbridge. While A Very Potter Sequel never made me laugh to tears as the first play did, twice, Professor Umbridge carries the comedy so well that she surpasses all of that. Plus, on top of it all, this play nails its ending through a bittersweet note that really captures what makes Hogwarts so special to these characters. I always feel like Starkid's plays tend to lose steam during the last few minutes, but A Very Potter Sequel is one of the few instances that it just builds and builds to a perfect ending. A Very Potter Sequel might not always hit the right marks, but the results are just magical when it does get it right.

#3-The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals-This one is pretty clever. The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is one of those stories that manages to be explicitly hilarious yet implicitly disturbing. For instance, people suddenly bursting into perfectly choreographed musical numbers in a world where songs are exclusively diegetic is pretty funny (especially through the characters' reactions to it). However, knowing what happens to these people and why they sing and dance so expertly helps make the whole situation pretty dire. It's an excellent balancing act that not many stories can accomplish. And while The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals leans one way or the other at times, it's still all handled really well. Oh, and also, you know how most people say the villain song is the best one in any musical? Well, technically speaking, nearly every song in The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is the villain song. Including the finale, which is just too brilliant for me not to give a round of applause. If you're a person who unfortunately doesn't like musicals either, I'd say be more than willing to give this one a chance. It's funny, catchy, and if you think of the implications, pretty damn disturbing.

#2-A Very Potter Senior Year-...You know how Avengers: Endgame is a bit of a mess, yet people still love it for how much of a perfect (sort of) finale it is? It's the same regard with A Very Potter Senior Year in my eyes. It's far from a masterpiece, but the many, many solid scenes that cap off this series help make me willing to overlook the mistakes. The characters, callbacks, and overall message about how things end was done so expertly well that I physically can’t hate this one. I can understand how it's more of an ok play when compared to the rest of Starkid's productions, but sometimes, ok is wonderful.

#1-Twisted: An Untold Story of a Royal Vizier-...It's Twisted. Everyone loves Twisted! And how could they not? Everything about this play just screams Starkid at their best. The comedy is uproarious, added with the fantastic delivery of the actors and the characters' personalities. Everyone feels as though they have one step in reality and the other in insanity. This, to me, seems like the best type of character work when going for the parody angle. Parody is about giving slight yet snide remarks toward the work you're mocking, which I feel works best when characters drop the suspension of disbelief audiences have when enjoying such a story. And Twisted definitely nails its satire in not only poking fun at Aladdin but also making jokes towards Disney as a brand. From their movies to their inside jokes to their formulas to even their corporate dealings with Pixar, nothing about Disney is sacred in Twisted. But on top of being funny, Twisted might just be the most successful Starkid has been with telling some really compelling drama. The jokes allow themselves to take a back seat to let serious moments play out, and even comedy is added, it provides more for the experience rather than taking anything away. You see this not only through the actors giving it their all but even through some really gorgeous and heart wrenching musical numbers. Oh, and also, Twisted has the best Starkid soundtrack, featuring songs that are epic, funny, and, as I said, heartbreaking. You cannot get better than this and, if you want to get a friend interested in Starkid as a whole, this might be the play for them. Scheherazade may have a thousand tales, but his one is a tale I wouldn't mind hearing for a thousand nights.

And that's about how I feel about Starkid and each and every one of their plays. Odds are your ranking would be much different from mine, and I'm all for that differing opinions. Feel free to make your own ranking if you want because I'm honestly curious where fans would place these plays above or below others. I'm relatively new to enjoying their work, so I have no idea what the consensus is. I do know one thing, though: If Starkid can still be incredibly entertaining through over ten years of content, then I am excited to see what they can accomplish next in another ten years.

[imagine-loki]

Loki and Sarah

Title: Loki and Sarah

Chapter No./One-Shot: Chapter 1

Author: tunkintiny

Original imagine: Imagine Asgardian women don’t have periods like women here on Earth, so natural Loki doesn’t under why you’re acting kind of odd and say you don’t feel so good when you seem to be in perfect health to him. When he pries he just keeps getting more and more confused by the seemingly bizarre euphemisms you use to try to tell him without actually saying it, because how could he possibly NOT know? He’s a grown man? Why should you have to spell this out to him?

Warning: I’ve never written a Fanfic before so, no harsh judgement please. I don’t know what the content of future one’s might be but this is supposed to be kinda comedic. It also doesn’t follow all of the cannon but oh well. I realize this now after I’m done writing that it’s a little long, but I hope you like it and I invite advice. Also I’m dyslexic so please don’t criticize the spelling.

Her name was Sarah. She was born from an experiment when Hydra used to secretly operate shield. That’s all Loki could gather about her life before being being brought to the Avenger’s Tower a year before Thor discovered he was actually alive and brought Loki back to live at the there so he could be under “supervision”. She was kind, and gentle, being the only one to try to befriend Loki upon her arrival. In all honestly, she wasn’t bad company. In fact, she was the only Midgaurdian who Loki didn’t just tolerate, but actually… Anyways, every once in a while she tends to acts somewhat strangely. Not often, the last time he noticed a change in her behavior was last month, around this time. At first he thought it was just a mortal thing, despite trying to conquer this realm he really hadn’t bothered to learn much about them. But this seemed to be a bit more than an eccentricity. 

It started this morning when he walked up to her door early in the morning to ask her a question, which after what happened he could no longer remember. It was early, about 5:00, and she stepped out of the room before Loki even had the change to knock. She looked up at him startled, and tried to hide her balled up bed sheets behind her back. “Oh, uh, hey Loki. How are you. Why- why’re y’all up so early.” “I could ask you the same thing.” He studied her face. She was growing red, avoiding eye contact. She was typically a bit timid, but not to this extent. Not around him at least. “What do you have there?” “Oh these? Ha, yeah I split something on my sheets this morning.” “Correct me if I’m wrong but… isn’t that why you had to change your sheets last morning?” “I guess I’m just a bit clumsy.”

“Evidently so.” “Right, okay see you later then.” There was only one thing running her her mind at that moment, ‘SHIT!’ Nobody wants to be caught carrying their bloody sheets out of their room, twice. *Especially* not by their male friend. After yesterday Sarah was determined to wake up early to make sure this exact thing didn’t happen again. Of course, what happens? This exact thing. Again. This was mortifying. Not just being caught , but by Loki? She could die, she could absolutely die. She ended the conversation as soon as possible and got the hell outta there and to the laundry room. But the machine already had a load. Great. Fabulous. She put them in the hamper by the machine and prayed she’d be the first one back in there when the cycle stopped. But first things first: cravings. The food type. Okay, so first to grab a stack, take some pain pills, and watch TV until the machine stops. Okay, good plan. Sarah went to her room, eat her snack, and fell back to sleep less then five minutes later. Meanwhile, a half an hour later, Loki was sitting in the common room reading by the lamp. Natasha walks out of her room ready for the next missions she’s assigned to. “Did you read this week’s chore’s list?” She spoke without looking at him, hurriedly grabbing her supplies. “No.” “Well, go look. I’m not letting you off the hook for half-assing the dishes last week.” “It needed to soa-“ And just like that she walked out the door. Well, he wasn’t exactly preoccupied at the moment, so he might as well get some done now, better sooner than later. He scrolled down to his name, exactly the same as before but this time laundry was added. Luckily for him, the machine seemed to have just stopped. He puts the dry ones in the basket to be folded, moves the wet ones to the dryer, then goes to pour the hamper into to machine, ignoring weather or not it was darks or colors, being a little bitter about his additional burden. Just then then a sheet rolled over the side of the machine and hit the floor. He picks it up and sees… blood!? Yes, blood, unmistakable blood. Was she wounded? Was she ill? Did humans bleed every time they were ill? He distinctly remembered learning she had regenerative powers? Did she have a plague? He’d heard stories of humans being afflicted by such things. He was suddenly stricken with some form of worry. He shoved it into the wash and hurried over to her room and knocked on the door. She woke up groggily, turned off the heating pad and headed towards the door, completely forgetting about her prior mission. “Hey Loki- Wow you look like you saw a ghost, are you okay?”

“Are you?”

“Yeah I guess so, why?” Just then he suddenly realized he didn’t know in the slightest what reason he’d give for interrupting her. She saw his embarrassment, and just then felt bad. Was he maybe lonely? He was kinda like a cat, he pretended he wanted to be completely solitary, but she could tell he liked being around her, more than he liked being alone. He wasn’t exactly subtle, he always happened to be around her, made conversation with her. He may be know for his trickery, but she feels like she knows him pretty well by now “I’m not quite sure, I just… sensed that maybe something was wrong.” “Oh. Well, trust me, I’m okay.” She couldn’t help but smile at his concern, he really wasn’t so bad. “Are you sure? You’re completely well, you’re fine?” “Well… mostly. Ya know.” He looked kinda puzzled, so she moved on, “I’m gonna go watch a little TV, wanna join?”

“Oh that’s fine, I have some work to catch up on, perhaps another time.”

“K”

She dragged her blankets to the common room and plopped down. She still seemed off to Loki, less energetic, less happy, less like herself. Spying is childish, especially in a circumstance like this, where she very well could be fine, but once something gets set in his mind, it’s hard to shake until he knows the answer. It wasn’t about her in particular, she’s just a aquatintance, no it’s just curiosity. His nature. About five minutes later he can’t help but stroll by the glass doors of the room to see her. Crying? Hunched over in a fetal position, clutching her stomach, and crying? She’s tender hearted and can be a tad emotional, This was certainly out of character, for Sarah, someone so spirited? Sobbing as if she was mourning? That’s it. It’s worse than he thought. She’s definitely sick. Maybe dying? She wasn’t dying but she felt like she was, she hasn’t cramped this bad for a while. That ASPCA commercial along with her hormones and her crappy week, she decided to indulge in her mood and cry. She glanced over at the sight of movement and saw a glance of light, green light then nothing. That punk ass bitch! Is he spying on her. Did he seriously think she wouldn’t notice? Okay him being a little snoopy is one think BUT SPYING? What about privacy? She whipped her tears and marched out of there, determined to bring hell. “LOKI!” “Hello, Sarah, what seems to be wrong?”

“Don’t play stupid, I know you’re spying!”

“That’s quite a harsh tone and accusation, what leads you to believe that?”

“Dumb ass, I saw you!” She doesn’t seem like she’s dying anymore, but he might be soon enough.

“Well excuse me for my concern!”

“Why are you concerned! I’m fine, I told you I’m fine! Why isn’t that good enough!”

“Healthy people don’t crawl up in a ball sobbing and bleeding!” Her mouth dropped and she became completely pail. Loki knew in that moment he fucked up. Badly.

“OH MY GOD HOW TO YOU KNOW THAT!?”

“I-“ he paused, her stare cutting through him. She’s usually so docile he doesn’t know how to handle this.

“I saw blood on your sheets when doing laundry.”

“OH NO- YOU DID THE LAUNDRY, NO I WAS GONNA-“ Her breath was heavy and she was pumping with shame, but looked at Loki’s face, which seemed genuinely concerned, and decided to not make this any harder than it has to be.

“Loki, that’s just, I’m just… having… ya know, I’m… moon sick.”

“What’s that?”

“You know… “ Gosh, what do they call it where he’s from… “Blood fever? Shark week? Invasion of Japan? Code red?” She struggled more and more to get it through to him but to no avail.

He looked more and more baffled by the increasing outlandish statements. Whatever she has, it’s gone straight to her brain.

“I’m on… myperiod…” she whispered and looked down.

“I didn’t quite catch that, you’re what?”

“Are you gonna really make me say it? Is this fun? humiliating me? Come on, It’s the time of the month! Okay? My period!”

“‘Time of the month’, you’re unwell EVERY month?”

“Obviously?”

“Since when, when did you catch this?” He ran all the symptoms through his brain, trying to see if there’s tools he knows of that could be of assistance.

“What do you mean, I didn’t catch anything, it’s natural!”

“So you were born with this ailment?”

“Yes, well no, not til I was 13, Loki don’t they teach you anything about women’s health where you’re from? You’re over a thousand years old, how are you this clueless?”

“I’ll have you know my mother had me learn everything there was to learn about the health of Asgaurdians along with magic, Incase I didn’t become a warrior I could become still aid the wounded, this is the first I’ve hear of this ailment.”

“Stop calling it that!” She sighed heavily in defeat, still not believing the situation she was in.

“Okay, so when a girl starts to… mature… her body released an egg to prep for a baby and the… uterus wall fills will blood to nourish it, but if you aren’t pregnant you bleed all of it out at the end of the month and it hurts a lot and it’s really uncomfortable, so there now you know.”

“My dear, that’s dreadful, this happens to you monthly?”

“Yes.”

“Too all women here?”

“Yes.”

“I’m-sorry, I didn’t.. I didn’t know. That sounds dreadful. At least you aren’t in danger I suppose. Is there anything I could do to assist you or..”

“No, no, I’m used to it. But if you could stay out of my business, that’d be great.” The room was thick with an uncomfortable tone. This was not the way anyone thought this day would go.

“But you could get me some more ice cream from the fridge and we could put on that movie?”

“If that’ll please you.”

Loki’s guilt caused him to be extra courteous, he ran her errands, did her favors, he even rubbed her back as they watched the movie! Once you get used to him, It’s hard to stay too mad at him. But he really isn’t all that bad.

[taptrial2]

the osomatsu san writers are REALLY GOOD at making one-off emotional episodes that are extremely effective! and apparently that becomes even better when put into movie form! but for some reason the writing staff seems to really be struggling with making the ongoing story in s3 engaging. like, every episode about the ongoing story seems to be taking things at a snail's pace, with a lot of padding that adds no comedic or emotional value to the idea as a whole or in the moment. i know they changed art directors, but i have a feeling that either they changed out the writers as well or that they're just having trouble coming up with material.

that last thing especially shows with the whole thing of them just... animating a doramatsu skit. a doramatsu REFERENCE would have been funny, but man, just straight up reusing material seems weird.

like, s2 seemed to be absolutely terrible at first, but looking back its actually way better than the first season in my opinion cuz the show knows itself and knows what works a lot better. im kind of hoping that's what happens with s3, but considering we're 6 episodes in now and it still seems to be kind of a dud... hm.

the riceballs also have so much potential to be interesting, but they're floundering really hard. they're making them no-personality robot characters whose whole schtick is "haha we're robots!". everyone has seen that a million times before, and they seem to be playing it COMPLETELY straight, which is really odd for osomatsu san. and the potential commentary on data collection? the intrigue about what they're doing and who made them? there have been three episodes now with almost no hints or progress about that!

it's been established and reestablished that ichi doesn't like the robots, and this episode is STILL just hitting us with more "ichi doesn't like the robots". ngl, the riceballs were pretty cute in this episode and the way they were posed was really appealing, but they still just lack comedic OR emotional chemistry with the matsus. i just wish these robot dudes were confined to a few more serious skits so that the writers could do what they do best, rather than dragged out for a whole season. can you imagine if jyushimatsu falls in love was stretched out for multiple skits? it works so much better as a single package!

i don't know. this whole thing is really setting itself up to be one big miss, which makes me sad. they figured out exactly what works and how to make their show both emotional AND funny in season 2, and then took a risk and tried something completely different in s3 - i respect the risk-taking, but risks are prone to failure, and this looks to be it.

osomatsu san is probably not gonna end with a bang, but a whimper. kinda proof that the movie was supposed to be the end of it all, and i'm still of the opinion that it should have been... but it's not all bad! the riceballs ARE cute, and seeing the characters reference the movie is really great, and some of these episodes have just been REALLY good (like "well, yeah" and the after-wedding one being amazing). and .... notice how both of those were essentially robot-free. like, we're still undoubtedly getting GOOD episodes, but the amount of just plain boring material has been concerning. at least with season 1 and 2, the bad stuff was just egregiously over-the-top terrible, man!

i think another factor of this is people just kinda forgetting (including me!) that ososan has always had really good and really bad episodes sprinkled throughout. because of the zaniness and willingness to take concepts to 1000% extremes, the show is REALLY inconsistent in quality - its refusal to stay on one thing can strike gold or strike a garbage dump, and both happen pretty often. it's just that once you get distance from when the episodes were first airing, you just remember (and rewatch) the good ones, while skipping the bad ones! and then we all wonder why osomatsu san is suddenly so much worse... like, it's always been like this. but it's still somehow just as disappointing every time

at least the movie just slaps so hard

[teaandgames]

Rewatched - Die hard (1988)

What the bloody hell actually is a Christmas film? I got asked what my favourite one was the other day and it gave me pause for thought. My answer was Home Alone but apparently that’s not a Christmas film either. Is it only a Christmas film if it’s some saccharine laden rubbish about how Christmas heals all wrongs and brings the family together so the people watching can pretend that everything’s all peaches and cream? In that case, I have no favourite Christmas film. But bugger that, I thought.

I’ve long been in the ‘Die Hard is a Christmas film’ camp, so it’s about time I reused this film review format to go through it. I mean, it’s admittedly not as family friendly as an average Christmas film. Most of the ones featuring Tim Allen generally don’t involve German terrorists or bloody messages written on sweatshirts. But it’s set during Christmas, they play Christmas music and someone says ‘Ho Ho Ho’. That’s good enough for me.

It starts with Bruce Willis looking suitably devoid of emotion as he gets off a flight to go meet his estranged wife. On the way he meets an incredibly chatty limo driver who drops him off at Nakatomi Plaza. There he wanders into a work party, despite being (as far as he’s aware) completely uninvited and underdressed and is immediately served a drink. Then the boss reveals that he invited him down, at great expense, for… some reason or other. I guess when you’ve got big business money, you can just ship your employee’s spouses around whenever you want.

I had honestly forgotten how wooden Mr. McClane actually is. Bruce Willis responds to damn near everything with a slightly bemused smirk and a flat voice until the actual action happens. Still, in the true spirit of Christmas, there is a dose of marital arguments. Then, mercifully, the action begins. A group of thugs roll up, immediatly add a murder charge or two to the list and set to work securing the building. Then the real star of the film shows up: Alan Rickman. Hans Gruber. The reason why we’re here.

His team do the usual bad guy stuff like cutting the phone lines, disabling the security systems and holding all the party goers hostage. It’s up to John McClane to somehow sneak past the guards even though they’re everywhere. Thus begins the whole ‘That’s the way he likes it’ thing in the tagline, despite the clear fact that he’s not having much fun. Never got that tagline. Unless John’s indication of liking something is breathing really heavily all the time, it’s not really accurate.

I mock but I do genuinely like the cuts between John sneaking around the building and the scenes with Hans screwing with people. The owner gets a bullet in the head while John slowly realises the scale of the whole thing. It’s a genuinely tense moment, one of quite a few that pop up during the course of the film. Mr Takagi’s death is actually quite shocking the first time around as it goes to show the lengths that these criminals will go to. You know, if you exclude the poor doormen.

John gets the bright idea to set off a fire alarm which is immediately cancelled but it does light up a nice ‘you are here’ symbol. This brings us to our first action scene, which proves that the handle of John’s gun must be covered in butter as it flies straight out his hand. Instead, he has to use the rare staircase method of dispatching his enemies. After some more heavy breathing, he gets his hands on a machine gun, a radio and a lighter. Then he writes a humorous Christmas message to put a smile on the face of all the criminals below him. Just a shame it’s written on a dead bloke.

John then shows off his magical bullet repelling vest, as all the shots fired at him miss. We then cut to Sergeant Powell, who is set up to be the comedic relief but mercifully does not stick to that role. He’s actually one of the most endearing characters in the film. He too appears to be wearing a bullet repelling vest as his car gets riddled with bullets but he remains fine, other than a few superficial wounds. He also has a dead body dropped on his car, so it’s not all good. Such is the luck of a heroic character in an action film.

From there, the film turns into a succession of hostage negotiations, while John does his best to screw everything up. On a side note, what is with the inconsistent changes between German and English. I get it, the majority of your audience isn’t going to understand all the German, but why change between them both. Even when speaking to other German characters, they’ll switch back to English for no readily available reason. The famous ‘Shoot the glass’ scene being a classic example. Odd choice all round.

A less odd choice is that blend of comedy that actions films of this day have. It’s all one-liners given after blowing someone away. ‘Welcome to the party, pal’ comes to mind, delivered after John has sentenced a cop to almost certain death. This only increases when John gets in touch with Hans and proceeds to screw with him at every turn. I actually love it, to be honest. It stops the film being too far up its own arse.

Another action film trope that becomes apparent here is that everyone who isn’t a main character is either stubborn or a straight up idiot. The police chief ordering a raid while ignoring Sergeant Powell, the guy whose car got swiss cheesed, comes to mind. You might as well paint a bullseye on their helmets. Unsurprisingly, the strike team gets shot to bits and their RV gets blown to smithereens. If it’s not the chief screwing things up, it’s the newsreader getting on everyone’s nerves. At least he gets a solid punch in the face at the end.

John then blows out an entire floor of the plaza with some C4, apparently forgetting that the place is full of hostages and explosions don’t tend to follow the rules. This is an action film, though, so it only kills about two people. On the plus side though, the sleazy coke addict gets shot. So it’s not all bad. On the actual positive side, we get some chat between John and Al, which is frankly adorable. It’s almost a love story cut in over this action backdrop. If only it wasn’t for Mr. Gruber relentlessly hunting down John.

We then get to the infamous ‘helsinki syndrome’ scene before the FBI turn up, who proceed to stonewall everyone. Hans then gets captured by John. He tries to put on a neutral, scared voice but this is Alan Rickman. You could identify Alan Rickman immediately as soon as he opens his mouth. John apparently can too, given that he gives him a gun without any ammo in it. Not sure why he doesn’t just tie him up or take him hostage or something like that but hey, then we’d lose out on a one-liner. Unthinkable.

After failing to take down the leader of the criminals, despite multiple opportunities, we get to my least favourite scene. The bit with the glass in the feet. Every time I see it, it makes my toes shrivel up and crawl back inside my body. It’s just… not nice. Still, after that we get a lovely rendition of Ode to Joy as the vault opens and Hans and the Gang stare in awe at their gains. It’s a lovely Christmas moment. Meanwhile John comes to revelations about his marriage and relays them to his best friend, Al. It’s that holiday catharsis we all love about Christmas films.

Then in the true Christmas spirit, John McClane beats the everloving crap out of Hans’ second-in-command. But he does it very jovially, even after taking a bullet in the shoulder. Looks like it should’ve hit a lung but action heroes are filled with nothing but muscle, so it’s fine. After number two, of course, it’s time for Hans himself. You all know the scene. A few laughs, a few jokes and a man thrown out a window.

After that, it’s a lot of hugs and reunions and punches in the face. Truly, just a joyous scene. There’s even blank sheets of paper falling down, filling in for the requisite flurry of snow. John gets a touching meetup with his BFF, Al. See, it is a Christmas film after all. There’s some wonderful family bonding and everyone learns the true meaning of Christmas: don’t go to your estranged wife’s Christmas party.

[vermontparnasse]

sweeney todd off-broadway 6/16/17 evening & 6/18/17 matinee review

yes, we went twice :/  

friday evening with @courfeyracs & @flightofthedumbledore and the three of us again on sunday with @corinthes. 

this was my first (and second) time seeing sweeney todd live, and though it was slightly unconventional, i couldn't have asked for a better production.  it takes place in barrow street theatre, a tiny space in the west village that seats approximately 80 people, lending the show an almost claustrophobic level of intimacy.  audience members sit at pie counters and the performers weave around them, standing on the tables at times as well as reaching out and touching audience members when the show calls for it.  this interaction never feels cheap or gimmicky - getting to see such a high caliber of talent performing in such a small space is such a rare thing, especially with a show like sweeney todd which traditionally plays up its melodrama and theatricality in large auditoriums.  but this smaller, pared-down production really works to heighten the tension already present in the script, and the array of fantastic performances made it one of the most intense and memorable shows i've ever seen.

david michael garry as sweeney u/s (6/16): his performance was on the lackluster side of serviceable.  he was concentrating so hard on hitting the low notes - which he did hit, but they got swallowed up so that it was almost impossible to hear what he was singing.  if i hadn't already been familiar with the show i think i would have been quite lost at times.  so that was frustrating.  his performance felt too restrained - he was never terrifying or even mildly shocking.  his epiphany was utterly lifeless - while there is a deliberate blocking to this scene, here the performer also has a bit of a free reign to move and command the space however works best in the moment, but david just... didn't do anything with it.  he just felt too nice for this role, too out of his depth. 

norm lewis as sweeney (6/18): he was..... about what i expected.  norm's a singer, not an actor, and that was really evidenced by the way he carried himself in this performance.  he just played it so straight.  there was nothing sinister to his interpretation and nothing darkly comedic, either.  his a little priest was awkward as all hell because wait, this upstanding guy who wants justice for his wife and child is suddenly okay with baking people into pies?  where did that come from?  and yes, i just described the character of sweeney todd as 'upstanding,' because that's all i really got from norm.  there was nothing darker lurking beneath the surface, he was just... a wronged man, who starts to kill people on a note weirdly incongruous with the character he'd been playing up until this point.  he did have his moments: his epiphany was energized and at times frightening especially in contrast to david's lackluster rendering, and he finally managed to command the stage in time to deliver a fantastic finale.  but there was just no journey - each positive moment existed in total isolation.  he was so restrained and i found myself wishing he would just go for it but he didn't, he played it very, very safe.  fantastic voice though.  i'd never seen him live in anything before, so it was kind of cool.

carolee carmello as mrs. lovett: after friday's show, i'd have said that hers was one of the best live performances i've ever seen.  after sunday's, i was let down.  i guess this is a case study in the subtleties of live theatre... because on a surface level the performance she gave both days was pretty similar.  my critique is all in the nuance: on friday she employed a sort of off-beat humor that lent the role an air of originality that i just found so refreshing.  her delivery was always slightly off, but in a deliberate and comedic way, most notably in the worst pies in london and a little priest.  and then on sunday her performance was much more run of the mill: she was still good but it all felt very stagey, rehearsed.  all things considered i'm inclined to say that i really loved her, though.  her voice is powerful, her accent was near flawless, her emotional range was incredibly impressive... i just wish she had been able to sustain whatever magic carried her through friday's show, because she was honestly breath-taking that first night.  all that said, hers was not the only performance to suffer on sunday - we noticed that the entire cast was a bit more subdued.  i'm guessing it has something to do with them performing five shows between friday night and sunday night - i can't get over how mad that schedule is.  so i'm inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt.

matt doyle as anthony: he did exactly what was demanded of this role - nothing more, nothing less, but that isn't a criticism.  i loved him.  this isn't a role that demands a lot of depth and he very much adhered to these limitations, but everything he did do, he did right.  he was appropriately warm, trusting, idealistic.  he has a gorgeous voice and it was a pleasure to listen to him.  he also stood directly in front of me more times than i could count during the second show and i became very well acquainted with his boots.

alex finke as johanna: in contrast to matt, alex added more depth to johanna than i'd have thought was possible.  johanna is a bit of a nothing role, but the way alex played her, there's a whole life and history and personality to this character.  her johanna is slightly manic, and in some ways she manages to foreshadow her mental breakdown in the second act - i'm not sure how much of this is direction and how much is alex's performance, but she absolutely nails it.  she positively lights up the room during kiss me and steals the scene with her delivery of 'i'm marrying anthony sunday' where she gestures to matt and then looks out at the audience with this 'can you believe it?!' look on her face, so her heartbreaking repetition of 'anthony sunday, anthony sunday' during the johanna reprise is even more hard-hitting... her green finch and linnet bird is gorgeous, her chemistry with matt is outstanding... she's just a delight to watch.  i'd already seen her and loved her as cosette, so her performance in this role was a real treat on top of that.

jamie jackson as judge turpin: compelling and terrifying and horrible and excellent... there was a distinctly tywin lannister-esque spin to his take on this character, who managed to terrify just by smiling with a certain sinister glint in his eye.  i felt johanna's terror of this man and sweeney's hatred of him so acutely.  there was also a dark humor to his performance that was lacking from either of the performers i saw in the role of sweeney, which made me wonder how jamie would have done in that role. 

john-michael lyles as toby: he was really great.  his comedy in the first act was on point, but then he absolutely nailed the finale.  i thought his not while i'm around was genuinely very moving, i believed in the connection he thought he had with mrs. lovett and his final scene was perfect.  i understand that some people might find him a bit too campy in the first act, but his performance fits the slightly absurd tone i think the production was trying to strike in that scene, so i honestly don't have any complaints. 

brad oscar as beadle bamford: he was great.  a bit hammy at times, but appropriately comedic and menacing when he needed to be.  his scene with mrs. lovett stalling him when he tried to get into the bake house was fantastic. 

stacie bono as beggar woman/pirelli (6/16): she gave a really solid performance.  not the sort of thing where i went home and texted people 'you need to see stacie bono as beggar woman immediately!' but at the same time i have very few qualms with her... but also not much else to say.  

monet sabel as beggar woman/pirelli u/s (6/18): her voice is PHENOMENAL, she was kneeling down on the table right next to me during the ballad of sweeney todd and her high notes blew me away.  unfortunately her performance left a lot to be desired.  i'll start with beggar woman: she was just too lucid in this role.  there was nothing insane about her performance, it felt almost like she thought she was playing the witch from into the woods, a slightly creepy character who still has all her wits about her.  it was definitely a letdown.  her pirelli though was a different matter - she was delightful, and her mustache kept coming off during pirelli's miracle elixir and the scene that followed, which she handled both humorously and gracefully.  i hope she goes on to do more comedy, based solely on this performance i'm inclined to think that humor is her forte.  absolutely dreadful irish accent, but what can you do.

all in all, a remarkably solid cast - the clear weak spot being sweeney in both of the performances we saw, which is a shame.  i'm very excited to see who'll be replacing norm in a couple of months, and depending on who it ends up being i forsee another trip to new york in my future before this production closes.

[theinquisitivej]

‘Deadpool 2’ – A Movie Review

I’ve felt conflicted about this movie for a while now.

Even before seeing this sequel to a crass yet thoughtfully put together send-up to superhero movies which ended up being one of the most pleasant surprises of 2016, my excitement and positivity for Deadpool 2 waned with the tragic news of the death of stuntwoman S.J. Harris during filming. No movie will ever be worth a human life. I won’t say I didn’t laugh and enjoy the film, because I did. I laughed loudly, and I laughed often. But my sense of unease was still there just below the surface throughout the runtime, never quite leaving me. Whether it’s callous to watch the fun superhero movie and forget the real cost that went into making it, or if S.J. Harris was the kind of person who would have wanted people to keep working and finish the project she worked on is a question I don’t know the answer to. Any discomfort I felt during the film was especially prominent whenever T.J. Miller was on screen, as the discovery that he choked and raped a woman in college and his intentional false report of a bomb threat on a train more recently has somewhat soured my opinion of the man. On paper, a lot of what he does in this movie is his usual brand of humour which has really worked for me in the past. But any time I see him or hear that voice of his which once made me smile and laugh, I just feel sick in my throat. All this context results in a movie I had complicated feelings about before I even sat down to watch it.

         But wouldn’t you know it, Deadpool 2 is a pretty decent film with some strong emotional moments and ideas that have caused me to reflect on it in a satisfying way, but at the same time, it goes in a direction I really hoped it wouldn’t and makes some decisions which have left me feeling uncertain. So, I guess I would’ve been conflicted about this movie no matter what happened.

         One concern that many people had is fortunately not a problem, and that’s whether Deadpool 2 could still make the character and his humour work a second time around. Wade ‘Deadpool’ Wilson is a character with flexible ethics who gets wrapped up in superhero antics and has a sense of humour that relies on undermining or subverting the familiar tropes of dramatic stories from the genre which take themselves too seriously. He does this either by showing an awareness of the story he’s in and the medium being used to tell it, making direct remarks to other real-world movie properties he should really have no knowledge of, or going in a wildly different direction to what’s typically expected of superheroes. It’s remarkable, then, that in the two years since the previous film, the superhero movie industry has progressed so much that he has tons of new material to work with in this film.

         Whether this kind of referential humour will hit as hard in years to come remains to be seen, but it’s written in a way that makes it work with each situation Wade finds himself in. The references don’t come out of nowhere, but they still take you back enough to make you laugh. It also helps any future audiences to situate when this film released, and what kind of environment it was in when it decided to offer its humorous take on superhero movies as they stood in 2018. This approach directly tells the audience “we’re taking a look at where things are right now, and we’re going to have a bit of fun with it”, which is hard to argue with and lets viewers know where they stand, no matter when they watch it.

         Even if that conceit isn’t enough to get you on board and the referential humour is a problem for you, Ryan Reynolds is exceptionally talented at delivering every line in a way that somehow manages to come across as both unbearably sassy and disarmingly sincere, perpetually making Deadpool a fun character to be around, even when he’s going through some hard times in this film. Between that and the hilarious new places they go with Deadpool’s powers of recovery as he is bent, impaled, and bisected throughout the film which results in some terrifically cartoonish scenarios, Deadpool 2 still understands the humour of its protagonist and how to make it work.

         But as the opening and closing narration makes clear, this film is not just about Deadpool, but the ensemble of characters who join him. Many of the old characters like Dopinder, Colossus, and Negasonic Teenage Warhead return. While the film could have benefitted from more time being spent on the newer characters, the familiar faces continue to be fun, especially this depiction of Colossus, who is steadily growing into one of the best straight-man foils Deadpool has ever had. Yukio is introduced as Negasonic Teenage Warhead’s girlfriend, and while she doesn’t get any development, Shioli Kutsana’s friendly peppiness plays amusingly against Yukio’s dour girlfriend, and Yukio and Deadpool’s positive friendship throughout the movie is delightful. Julian Dennison plays a kid named Russell who is overly aggressive for much of his time on screen, but the young actor has some incredible talents and puts them to good use by making Russell surprisingly sympathetic. Zazie Beetz plays Domino, a character with the superpower of being incredibly lucky who swings in about halfway through the film and makes you wish she had come in even sooner. Her confidence, chemistry with Deadpool as none of his jabs even phase her, and her generally relaxed attitude as she goes through the movie knowing for a fact that everything will go exactly right for her is hugely enjoyable to watch. Josh Brolin is an inspired pick for Cable; I only wished that him and Deadpool shared more time together on screen, as the combination of his cliché hardman storyline with a tragic past and Deadpool’s irreverent attitude towards undermining anyone who takes themselves too seriously is a perfect match. While Deadpool takes the lion’s share of the film’s focus, the rest of the cast and the characters contribute a great deal to Deadpool 2.

         But there is one character who gets the short straw, and this is where I start to feel conflicted on this film. Fair warning, there’s going to be full spoilers from now on until the last few parts of this review. Just look for the SPOILER SECTION ENDS HERE line.

         What makes the first Deadpool work as well as it does is that it has a keen emotional heart to it which makes you care about Wade Wilson as a character. He’s fleshed out enough and played with such genuine warmth by Reynolds that you become deeply invested in his story, making him much more than just a vehicle for the film’s comedy. A key component to the first film’s heart is the relationship between Wade and Vanessa. The connection between these two immensely likeable characters is genuinely sweet and uplifting to watch, going beyond their infectious sense of humour and being most intensely felt when we see their moving dedication to one another when Wade is diagnosed with cancer. Wade’s motivation in the first movie is almost entirely fuelled by his love for Vanessa, and because of the strength of Marena Baccarin’s performance as this funny, charming woman with a fierce will, you completely empathise with him. Vanessa is her own character in the first Deadpool, and one of the biggest successes of that film.

         And then Deadpool 2 starts with Vanessa being killed off to provide Wade with his motivation for the rest of the film. As the opening credits played, I was seething at how the film had went and gone exactly what I had hoped they wouldn’t do, throwing away not only one of the most mature, well-handled relationships I have ever seen in a superhero film, but also a terrific character who brought so much to the table. It felt like a misguided waste of storytelling potential, and the gag of the opening credits themselves being just as upset about this as I was didn’t help matters. Yes, it’s a fun joke that fits the tone and comedic style of these films, but it also felt a little galling, as if the film itself was saying “don’t you hate it when films kill off characters you like unnecessarily?”, as if it’s not doing exactly that and expecting you to be on board with it. Just because you’re pointing out the trope doesn’t mean that you’re not doing that exact trope.

         And yet strangely, while the narrative of Deadpool 2 hinges on this initial decision which I still feel upset about, the emotional journey it takes is actually a very considerate and effective story about processing grief and finding something meaningful to do with yourself to make up for the immense hole that losing someone close to you can leave behind. That’s a remarkably nuanced journey for a character to go on, perhaps even more so than the revenge quest Deadpool was set on in the first movie. Reynolds nails the vulnerabilities of the character, conveying the bitter sadness that Wade is feeling and has no idea how to resolve whenever the mask is off and the pain on his face is there for all the world to see. When the mask is on and Wade is fully immersing himself in the persona of Deadpool, there are multiple occasions where Reynolds makes the character’s humour feel bittersweet, as if constantly acknowledging that this is all just a movie and making irreverent jokes is a coping mechanism to make the reality of the situation he’s in sting a little less. I’m unhappy with the decision to kill off Vanessa, but I do appreciate how they handle the effect this has on Wade’s character.

         Then, at the very end of the movie after Wade completes his emotional journey, we see Deadpool use Cable’s repaired time-travel device in a mid-credits scene to go back in time and save Vanessa, undoing her death. So, we have a character death I wasn’t happy about but accepted once the rest of the film showed that it had some ideas of where to take this story, and then in the film’s very last moments, we’re told that the inciting tragedy has now never happened. Of course, there’s arguments for why this shouldn’t be an issue; we see Deadpool go on to break the internal logic of the film by killing the embarrassing interpretation of his character from the mess that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine, as well as the real-life actor Ryan Reynolds before he took on the role of Green Lantern, so we have to presume at least some of these time-travel mid-credits scenes are fun ideas that we shouldn’t think too hard about in the context of the film’s story. Also, if there was any character who would break his own story in order to get the ending he wanted, it would be Deadpool.

         But despite these two reasonable points, this ending still bothers me. Both the director David Leitch and Reynolds (who is credited as a co-writer on the film) have said they believe that Vanessa is alive and well by the end of Deadpool 2. If that is the case, then does the quick, undiscussed and not-at-all unpacked resurrection of Vanessa undo a lot of the hard-hitting pathos of this narrative? What does this film about Wade struggling with who he is, what he should do, and whether he should carry on without Vanessa become when we know that Vanessa is alive by the end of the movie? Is it a case of Deadpool getting to live in a world where he hasn’t lost the person he cares about, but he still remembers losing her so all the emotions he felt and the lessons he learned are still there? Should I not think about it too much because it’s Deadpool, and he’s always walked the line between dramatic stories and self-aware comedy that doesn’t take itself too seriously? Maybe, but the first film managed a balance between the two in a way where I laughed at the comedy and took the drama completely seriously. This time, I’m not entirely sure that the comedy and drama fits together as well as it did the first time around. It goes for a decent joke at the last minute, but this comes at the expense of complicating the legitimately powerful story it just spent 2 hours putting together. My emotional response to Deadpool 2 feels completely confused and tangled up, and I’m not sure how to unpick it.

SPOILER SECTION ENDS HERE

         Much like Deadpool himself, I’m feeling torn in two different directions with this movie. Deadpool 2 tries to have it both ways at times, going for introspective, dramatic storytelling that has consequences and leaves you feeling emotional and contemplative, but also feels indebted to the meta-humour which, this time around, goes in a direction that undercuts some of the dramatic impact this film could have had. Even now, I don’t know what to think about this movie. It tells a story that gets to me and makes me feel honestly quite soulful and reflective, and it does so with a cast of great characters played by (mostly) charismatic actors who consistently make me laugh. But the occasional bum note joke, lack of the same tight focus the first film had, and, most importantly for me, the questionable storytelling decisions taken at the start and end of the film result in a sequel that leaves me feeling more uncertain than it does delighted.

6/10.

A film that honestly fascinates me in how uncertain it leaves me feeling. This is a decent sequel to Deadpool; it occasionally stumbles, but it doesn’t disappoint.