#HARRY POTTER FANS NEED TO STOP JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

[transiconlink]

Twitter is fucking brain dead holy shit

[queer-cosette]

Look. I understand feeling nostalgia for Harry Potter. I get nostalgic too sometimes. There is a lot in the books about questioning authority and doing what is right instead of what is easy, and that was an important message for a lot of people. Harry Potter literally made me realise I'm trans myself. You can be nostalgic for a big part of your childhood, that's not a crime.

BUT.

It is literally so easy to be nostalgic about Harry Potter without giving money to the UK's most famous Feminism Appropriating Radical Transphobe, holy shit guys, AO3 is literally right there. There are artists making unofficial fan merch who could use your support way more than a billionaire antisemite who felt she couldn't design a game without including literal blood libel in the plot. It is incredibly easy to pirate PDFs of the books online if you really feel the need to reread them and don't have your own copy.

"oh but I want to play the wizard game" literally fuck right off there are a million other games featuring wizards the purchase of which will not see royalties donated to anti-trans groups and from what I hear most of them also have better graphics and plots. Either do this one very easy thing (don't buy the new Harry Potter video game) or stop calling yourself an ally of trans and jewish people and admit to yourself that you're cool with transphobia and antisemitism if it's packaged in Which House Are You In? quiz paper. Jesus fucking Christ.

[rainybookshop]

Of Gryffindors and Rainy Sundays

Fandom: Harry Potter

Words: 2, 232

Read it on AO3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22298461?view_adult=true

It’s a typical rainy, dismal Sunday in April when Marcus Flint wakes up with a truly wicked hangover and Oliver Wood in his bed.

Of course, at first all he’s aware of is the horrible pounding at his temples and the queasy feeling in his gut and the way his veins sort of feel like sandpaper. But as he blinks his way into reluctant wakefulness, he can feel soft sheets against his - entirely - bare skin and the weight of a strong, freckled arm thrown across his chest, and, if he squints, he thinks he can make out a trail of clothing leading from the door to the foot of the bed. He can also smell the faint hint of someone else’s cologne in the air, an appealing, slightly spicy scent that seems vaguely familiar somehow, and beyond that, there are soft little snores drifting up from somewhere on his right. Marcus scowls, feeling his already impressively bad mood sour further. He fucking hates snoring.

He doesn’t think he actually had that much to drink last night – although it’s clear from the vicious pounding in his head that he wasn’t remotely sober – but the combination of a hangover and his general grogginess in the mornings tends to leave him horrifically disoriented when he wakes up after drinking. So he’s sure the pieces of last night will come back to him after a shower and some headache potion and a very strong cup of tea, but for now all he can remember is going to the pub with Terence and Adrian. He thinks Adrian might have been called back to work, and given his level of nausea he’s pretty sure there must have been shots, and for some reason he thinks he can remember a Puddlemere Chant? And…

Holy shit.

He’s pretty sure he can remember sitting and having drinks with the entire Puddlemere team last night, doing Quidditch-themed shots and earnestly telling Viktor Krum that he's a big fan and chatting amicably for hours with Oliver fucking Wood. The rest of the night is as hazy as ever, but Marcus feels the first tendrils of anxiety unfurl in his stomach, because going from drinking with other players to waking up with a man in his bed does not bode well at all for someone who has always kept work and pleasure separate.

So as much as he desperately wants to go back to sleep for the next six hours or so, he also really wants to figure out what the fuck happened, not to mention get some water and dislodge whatever idiotic stranger has had the audacity to snuggle him in his sleep. He’s reaching up to unceremoniously remove the admittedly well-muscled arm from his chest when he sees something that makes his stomach clench with an uncharacteristic sense of panic.

The man is wearing a ring. Not a wedding ring - which Marcus would never have been stupid enough to let happen, because there is nothing less discreet than a wronged, vengeful wife - but something much, much worse. There, on the middle finger of the man’s right hand, sits a large Hogwarts signet ring. For Gryffindor.

Jesus Christ. Marcus briefly wonders if he can trust his absolutely rubbish Charm work enough to try Obliviating himself, but unless he wants to risk ending up roommates with Lockhart in the Janus Thickey Ward, he thinks he’s shit out of luck.

Because the problem is, while he’s seen the gaudy, stupid class rings on several Hogwarts grads over the years, there’s one person in particular he remembers wearing this one. Specifically on the middle finger of his right hand, for luck in each Quidditch match.

He really, really doesn’t want to roll over and find out if he was just as colossally stupid last night as he suspects, but he also doesn’t want to spend any longer silently panicking in his bed in the arms of a Gryffindor. So he takes a deep breath, closes his eyes for a moment, and shifts to the right.

And right there, sprawled inelegantly across most of his mattress, handsome face shoved unceremoniously into one of his admittedly expensive pillows, is a blissful-looking Oliver Wood. Even in the grey light filtering through his curtains, Marcus can make out Quidditch-toned muscles and a jagged-looking scar on one shoulder and, he notes with a terrifying mix of horror and arousal, a rather large bite mark on the side of Wood's neck. Marcus is still staring - and is absolutely not frozen with a sort of panicked indecision that would be mortifying in any other circumstance - when Wood cracks open one brown eye and regards Marcus sleepily for a moment.

“Morning,” Wood yawns, closing his eye again and settling deeper into the pillow with a contented little sigh.

Marcus stares blankly back, wondering absurdly if he’s finally taken too many Bludgers to the head and needs that spot in the Janus Thickey ward after all.

“Wood,” Marcus grits out, shoving him roughly in the shoulder. “Wake the fuck up.”

Wood groans slightly, attempting to burrow deeper into the mattress, and Marcus watches helplessly for a moment, refusing to acknowledge the feeling that blooms in his chest at how comfortable Wood looks wrapped up in his sheets. Shaking himself, Marcus pulls himself to a seated position, Accios his wand from somewhere in the haphazard pile of clothes on the floor and, with a whispered Aguamenti he manages on the second try, fills the cup on his bedside table with water. He gulps it down hungrily while simultaneously kicking Wood in the shin until Wood pulls his face out of the pillow with a muffled groan and fixes Marcus with a glare that would probably be impressive if he weren't still half-asleep.

Marcus resolutely avoids Wood's eyes as he refills the glass again and takes another generous swig before, in an unusual moment of generosity, offering the rest to Wood, who hastily pulls himself up to lean against the pillows next to Marcus, close enough that their arms are almost brushing. Wood takes the water gratefully, downing the contents in about 3 seconds flat before setting the empty glass on top of the stack of Quidditch magazines on the bedside table. Marcus is painfully aware of the scant inches between them and that neither of them are wearing anything beneath the sheets and that Wood has definitely noticed that the cover of the topmost Quidditch magazine features a giant glossy photo of Puddlemere.  

A profoundly uncomfortable silence falls.

“Do you…do you not remember?” Wood finally asks, biting his lip in concern. His voice is rough with sleep, accent more pronounced than normal, and Marcus resolves not to find it cute.

And the thing is, while the night’s a little hazy in places and he’s still not exactly sure how they made it back to his flat, Marcus definitely remembers now. In vivid, technicolour, earth-shattering clarity.

He remembers Wood shoving him up against the wall outside the pub and kissing him with an intensity that was almost dizzying, and tearing off Marcus's clothes so he could trail his lips over every exposed piece of skin, and looking down at him with a sort of breathless awe Marcus wasn't sure he deserved. He remembers letting himself get swept up in what was probably years' worth of tension, in a fierce rivalry that maybe wasn't entirely about Quidditch, and in how Wood's always been able to make him a little more reckless than he probably should be.

“No, I remember,” Marcus mutters, looking over at Wood before he thinks better of it.

Except now Wood looks dismayed, twisting his hands anxiously in his lap.

“I didn’t mean to…oh god. I didn’t mean to – to take advantage of you, or anything, I swear."

“Wood,” Marcus starts, but Wood doesn't seem to hear him.

"I thought - last night, you seemed so sure," Wood continues, running a hand through his already dishevelled hair and looking agitated, "but, if you weren’t, and I …shit, I’m so sorry...”

“I did want this, okay?" Marcus cuts in, staring at the vivid bite mark on Wood's neck and trying not to shudder at the memory. “But - that’s it, alright?" he adds hurriedly when Wood opens his mouth to respond. "I don’t get involved with Quidditch players,” Marcus tells him with finality.

Wood blinks, looking a little wrong-footed. Marcus resolutely doesn't notice the way Wood's nose scrunches up attractively when he frowns.

"So, er, you don't date them - Quidditch players I mean - or...?" Wood asks, shifting just a little closer and looking at him earnestly.

This close, Marcus can see every freckle spanning across Wood's cheeks and how one of his eyes is a little more green than the other and all he wants to do is kiss Wood on his stupidly soft-looking mouth and suddenly he can’t stand it anymore.

“Look, can you just – you need to leave, now,” Marcus tells Wood, nudging him none-too-gently with his foot and nodding decisively at the door.

Marcus catches the confused frown on Wood's face out of the corner of his eye before he drops his gaze resolutely to his lap, fiddling mindlessly with the sheet pooled around him for one long, tense moment, until he hears Wood mumble "right, then" in a tone he can't decipher. In the next instant, Marcus feels the bed shift next to him as Wood heaves the covers off of himself and rolls gracefully to his feet, carelessly slipping on a pair of pants and casting around for the rest of his clothes.

Marcus keeps his eyes fixed on his lap, trying desperately to feign nonchalance while - he's well aware - a half-dressed Oliver Wood makes his way around Marcus's room, sorting through the mess they left in the hazy desire of last night. Marcus is pretty sure he'll start shredding the sheet if he tugs at it any harder, but this might be the most uncomfortable situation he’s ever been in, and he’s had to watch Warrington and Montague act like they don’t fancy one another for years.

All of a sudden Wood is right in front of him, stretching up to retrieve his shirt from where it somehow ended up on the bedpost behind Marcus's head, and Marcus looks up before he can stop himself - the strong muscles is Wood's abdomen are stretched taut with the movement, and Marcus feels his mouth go dry.

Wood's gaze snaps to his and Marcus hurriedly drops his eyes, biting his lip in mortification when he feels a flush rise in his cheeks. He can feel the weight of Wood's gaze on him for one long, tense moment until Wood moves off to retrieve his jumper from where it's entangled on the floor with Marcus's trousers, cloak, and socks, and Marcus lets out a silent sigh of relief.

"So, I'll just be going then," Wood tells him a few moments later, with what might be a hint of hesitation in his tone. Marcus nods once, slightly, before he realizes that now it must look like he can't even make eye contact with a fully clothed Oliver Wood, which is possibly the most humiliating aspect of this entire situation. So he forces himself to look up at Wood, who's standing in front of him holding his cloak, mouth downturned just slightly at the corners.

Wood who also, apparently, still looks stupidly handsome while nursing what's undoubtedly a rather pronounced hangover, and Marcus wants to smack himself for noticing, because - he can't be doing this. He's already been horribly careless, and he needs to stop this now before he runs an even greater risk of ruining the career he's worked so hard for.

Then Wood runs a hand through his hair awkwardly, and Marcus's eyes are drawn helplessly to the way the muscles in Wood's arm flex with the motion before he locks eyes with Wood again, who's staring at him with an intensity that sends a shiver up his spine. Marcus sits up straighter, trying to pull himself together, and he catches the moment Wood's eyes drop to the way the sheets have slipped a little lower around his waist to expose the bruises - of what are undoubtedly Wood's fingerprints - he can feel etched on his hips. Marcus is hit with an unnerving sense of déjà vu as Wood bites his lip and he can't stop himself from looking at Wood's mouth again, and Marcus is dimly aware of how his breath is coming faster and that there's a frenetic sort of energy surging through his veins the same way it does before he's about to make a particularly risky Quidditch play.

Then he looks back up to meet Wood's gaze, which is dark with want and unmistakably, disarmingly, fascinatingly intense and -

"Goddammit," Marcus growls, reaching forward hurriedly for Wood, who immediately presses closer, tossing his cloak carelessly to the side so he can take Marcus's face in his hands and kiss him soundly. Marcus fists a hand in Wood's collar to tug him impatiently back into bed, and Wood smiles against his mouth before leaning back to hastily strip off his shirt again, and well - Marcus figures that once more won't really make a difference, anyway.

***

When Marcus wakes up the following Sunday, mercifully not as hungover but no less entangled with a softly snoring Oliver Wood, he really thinks he should be less surprised.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

I’m rewatching This is the End and I’m crying because

This film has Hiccup, Fishlegs AND Snotlout

Wait was that Mae Whitman (Heather) licking Michael Cera’s ass?!?

Every time Jay talks my brain screams “HICCUP WHAT TJE FRICK”

It honestly wouldn’t surprise me if Jay REALLY hated LA tbh

Hiccup and Hermione had a conversation, my life is complete

Seriously how many famous people did they manage to get in this movie?! Emma Watson, Rihanna, Mindy Kaling, Paul Rudd, Channing Tatum, Kevin Hart, the fucking Backstreet Boys

I’m 100% sure James Franco has legit paintings of Seth Rogen that he’s done himself in his actual house.

Emma Watson did what do many of us have wanted to do for years when she smacked Seth Rogen in the face with the butt of an axe

“Can we get Jay some water please??? He needs to be hydrated!!!” - Jonah Hill is me

Lmao I’m betting Jay wished he stayed in Canada for this

“WE ARE ACTORS, WE PRETEND TO BE HARD BUT WE ARE ALL SOFT AS BABY SHIT” - honestly, as an actor, this is the truth 😂

“I do NOT want to die in James Franco’s house” - does anyone though?

How much did they pay Emma Watson, I’m actually curious because she seems like the type who’d be offended by this movie (and I’m not trying to hate on her, that’s just how it seems) (also, I can understand that she probably felt uncomfortable filming with six best friends who are always making weed and sex jokes tbh)

HICCUP STOP SWEARING

Jonah Hill’s single earring 😂

James Franco saying Milky Way is his special favourite has me rolling

Someone needs to give Jay a nap, oh my god, he looks exhausted

“And now I’m barricaded in here with a bunch of people I hate” - WHY IS JAY SO RELATABLE WTF

I have a thing about tattoos and I wish we could see Jay’s, that’s really weird I know but I have a thing about tattoos where I’m super interested because I love tattoos

Jay literally just wanted to sleep alone but EVERYONE gets into his special area, he’s so pissed I love it

It’s weird seeing Danny McBride in this after seeing Alien Covenant omg

It just hit me that both Danny McBride and James Franco were in Alien Covenant and now I feel even more weird

I forgot how much I was attracted to James Franco two years ago

“I’m sure the fucking green goblin can afford some more bacon” — JESUS CHRIST IM WEEPING

Danny: *roasts everyone and then...* “Jay...I didn’t even know you were in town, good to see you.” Honestly me if I was in the room with all of them

“Jay’s not rapey. Jay wouldn’t rape a fly.” - WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FILM

“His face looks like the police sketch of a rapist” - IM SORRY JAY BUT I LAUGHED

“You could be like a titty fucker or something” *Seth covers his boobs*

I audibly screamed at them kicking around a dead guy’s head in horror

Jay what are your underpants

Everyone talking about the disaster // Jay: *reading a book*

What is Jay’s hair in this though

Let’s be real, if the apocalypse happened, I’m willing to bet Jay would be beamed up immediately

Who still uses porn mags, has James Franco never heard of PornHub

Seth: Let’s do all the drugs. // Jay: (swigging beer) Ehh I don’t really want to. // Seth: Should’ve thought of that before you drank a full can of ecstasy

Is Jay a Harry Potter fan I’m super curious

HOW DID THEY NOT MAKE ONE HTTYD REFERENCE OR JOKE LIKE I KNOW THIS IS R RATED BUT JESUS CHRIST THERES LIKE THREE HTTYD CAST MEMBERS IN THIS

Oh man, Gangnam Style - that brings back memories

Emma Watson screaming “IM NOT FUCKING AROUND” - my life is complete

“Hermione just stole all of our shit”

“I didn’t- I- Urgh” - the most Hiccup thing Jay has ever said tbh

Again, EVERY TIME JAY TALKS I HEAR HICCUP!!!???!!! I don’t know how to feel about this???

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 115: Hard-Boiled Villain Antics

Previously on BnHA: The provisional license exam concluded. Everyone from class 1-A passed except Todoroki and Bakugou. The exam committee announced there would be a special training course for the ones who failed, and they would then receive their licenses as well. They want all the students who made it to phase two of the exam to ultimately succeed because with All Might gone, the world needs as many quality heroes as it can get. The U.A. kids said their farewells to the other schools and prepared to board the bus home. Deku inquired about the weird girl from Shiketsu Academy and was told she had already left, and that furthermore she’d been acting strange for the last few days. We then learned that the girl, Camie, had actually been Toga in disguise, and that she has a shapeshifting quirk which allows her to take on others’ appearances once she drinks their blood. Oh, and. Now she has Deku’s.

Today on BnHA: We take a break from our intrepid hero hatchlings to check in with Twice from the League of Villains. He stares broodingly out the window like a noir character, listens to the news talk shit about Endeavor, watches a group of Tarantino tribute villains rob a store, and gets a phone call from the villain broker Giran. We learn that the League has temporarily split up and are recruiting to expand their organization. We also learn that Twice has more than a few screws loose, the reason being that when he was younger he used his duplication quirk to clone himself, only to have the clones all murder each other one by one until he was the last one standing. If that isn’t fucked up enough for you, perhaps I can interest you in the new villain introduced in this chapter, who goes by “Overhaul” and has a penchant for dismembering peeps. Or perhaps you’re more a fan of the classic villain, in which case the chapter ends with All Might meeting up with our old friend All for One, so, you know. Enjoy that.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 151 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

who the fuck is this

he’s staring darkly out of his window and hating all the people he sees walking past

but also there’s a black speech bubble thinking the exact opposite. “I think it’s fantastic”

is this that Twice guy, maybe

I was wondering what you were up to, yes. good catch there

“THIS MAN STARTS HIS MORNINGS A LITTLE MORE HARD-BOILED THAN MOST.” yes, the really hardcore way to start your day is to hate people from windows

holy shit this ominous fucking chapter! right from the get go!

“unleashed.” and the text underneath: “a world where All Might is not coming”

I’m thinking it’s safe to say the villains are winding down from their little break

I’m so curious how Tomura is doing. prediction: still crazy

the narration is saying that the news networks and Internet are constantly buzzing with “idle chatter fanning the flames of anxiety”

jesus christ this is so similar to the real-world climate in the last few years. anxiety and fear-mongering

oh shit the newspeople are talking about Endeavor

depends on whether you’re the type who can accept assholes who beat their wife and kid

(I personally am not)

they’re being really polite about it, but they’re saying that you can’t help but contrast him against All Might

he’s “coarse”

“he just looks like an ordinary person pretending to be a superhuman” I’ll take it a step further; he looks like an asshole not even trying particularly hard to pretend he’s a nice guy. and yeah, he’s strong, but not even in the same realm that All Might was

oh my god it’s a list of top “Moogle” searches for Endeavor. this is the most 2010s shit I’ve ever seen in a manga omggggg

yeahhhh, public opinion is just not on this guy’s side. and good riddance

basically he’s become “the symbol of weakening heroes.” exactly. I feel like all these people must just be like, “is this really the best we can do now omg”

is Endeavor Donald fucking Trump

this is one of the best chapter openers I can recall reading in a long time. there’s something fascinating about watching a well-established fictional world get shaken up and seeing how the people of that world respond. it’s reminding me a little of the post-Goblet of Fire Harry Potter universe. and why do I have a feeling that by the time this series ends, we’ll have progressed all the way to Deathly Hallows in terms of grittiness

the narration is continuing and saying that just as All Might brought hope to everyday citizens, his presence was a curse to villains

and now that curse has been lifted, so “it’s no surprise at all that it’d turn out this way”

and it’s showing some guy robbing an ATM or something. not sure what he’s carrying, but anyways he’s busting through a wall looking happy and deranged

now a pro hero is showing up to stop him

but another villain is cracking the back of the hero’s head with a huge metal pipe

and two more villains are waiting over by their getaway truck

nice Tarantino reference there. bold and unsubtle and in-your-face

and the narration is talking about how villains are feeling more emboldened and more free to run around without fear of consequence. and that the more daring they get, the more villains they inspire in turn, and it goes on and on. “running a red light isn’t scary if everyone does it with you”

we’re seeing the exact same thing happen irl nowadays with racists and nazis and the alt-right and such, aren’t we. my escapist manga is really starting to hit close to home here

now Twice is getting a call from someone

isn’t this the guy who introduced Toga and Dabi to Tomura

damn, manga, you’re really going to make me go all the way back to like chapter sixty-something to check this. fine

yep, it is. chapter 68

he says that in the past two weeks there’s been a surge of black market requests for things like suits and related items

he says it’s all thanks to the League of Villains

really it’s thanks to one specific villain that did all the work and is now imprisoned though. just saying. though no doubt he won’t mind Tomura getting the credit

anyway so Twice is asking why the broker guy called him

probably cuz Toga got Deku’s blood, so now the gang is getting back together to hatch some more schemes

yep

so Twice is like yeah of course I heard, and the broker dude is like okay catch you later then

gotta say, I was already fond of Twice just as a funny and eccentric (you have no idea how much my brain struggled to find an adjective to use in place of “quirky” there, but needless to say I wouldn’t have been able to keep a straight face otherwise) character. but it’s pretty damn fascinating to witness his psyche on display now as well

apparently the League has been separated and scattered for a little while, both to lie low and to scout for more people to join the group

and now we’re cutting to Dabi and he’s just roasting some poor dudes alive

damn son

oh shit what’s happening to Twice

this guy is soooo weird

he says his quirk is “doubling.” “I make one into two”

okay. I don’t get it at all, but

-- WHOA

IS THIS THE FUCKING PRESTIGE OR WHAT. AND WASN’T THIS ALSO A PLOTLINE IN FUCKING CALVIN AND HOBBES

he says each of the clones claimed to be the real one (by “real” I assume “original”) and they started arguing and eventually they all killed each other

and he’s not sure even now whether he’s actually the “real” him

holy shit I would read an entire book about this guy. I want David Fincher to direct a movie about him

it seems like he’s not even really that evil, it’s just that he’s so crazy that the league was the only place he could find that would accept him. “what I was searching for were others who are just as crazy as I am”

I would read a spinoff manga about Twice and his existential nightmare of an existence, trufax. this is so compelling I almost forgot about the fact that we’re thirteen pages into this chapter and so far it’s been all villains and no U.A. kids

-- what the fuck

IS THAT THE GUY FROM EARLIER?? WHO ROBBED THE ATM???

(answer: yes, I just went back and looked)

WHY IS HIS FUCKING HEAD HERE?? IS THIS HIS QUIRK OR SOMETHING MORE HORRIFYING THAN THAT

farewell Reservoir Dogs. you had a brief and uneventful run culminating in THE MOST HORRIFYINGLY GRUESOME SCENE I’VE EVER SEEN SHOUNEN JUMP ALLOW IN THEIR FUCKING MAGAZINE. NOT ONLY WAS IT INDEED HIS FUCKING HEAD, I COUNT LIKE SEVEN OF HIS AND HIS FRIENDS’ OTHER BODY PARTS MORBIDLY STREWN ABOUT AND ROASTING ON THIS OPEN FUCKING FLAME. dude what the fuck

oh boy here we go

now his buddy in a raincoat -- and they all have the same plague doctor masks on btw -- is saying he took the money and let’s get out of here

he’s calling the “YOU GUYS HAVE AN ILLNESS” dude “Overhaul.” okay I’ll admit that’s a pretty badass villain name

and Twice is watching them all like, “oh. more maniacs”

so I’m guessing he’s going to recruit these guys lol

the narration says that both the heroes and villains’ sides have begun to undergo changes in appearance. well, we’ve seen a lot of the heroes’ side of things so far so I guess it’s nice to take a break from that and see what the villains have been up to

is this the prison??

OH SHIT!!!!!

WHAT IS HE DOING COMING OVER THERE TO TALK TO HIM OH MY GOD

“THE DISCUSSION WITH THE BIG BOSS IS ABOUT TO BEGIN” [FRANTICALLY CLICKS TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!]

-- except no, damn it, because I gotta check out the bonus page first :/

 bonus

...actually the bonus page is just Horikoshi being excited that there are now two spinoff series. apparently he’s a fan of Illegals. I do want to check that out (especially since he just said Eraserhead has a cameo in it omgggg), but like hell if you think I’m clicking away from this main story just yet. I still have 85 chapters to go and it’s not like things are exactly getting boring omg

[the-brave-little-blogger]

you cant seperate jk rowling from harry potter and just “enjoy them critically” because they’re full of racism and antisemitism you donut (i dont mean this in a mean way, since it’s most likely you didn’t know)

lol i've gotten so many anons (and this is definitely the nicest one) about harry potter. Do y'all only consume media that is 100% positive media? should I turn on the tellitubbies for you? All literature has under lying themes about the world. You take these themes and discuss them like adults. the good and the bad. This is why we've been breaking down books and practicing our critical reading skills in school since we were 7. yeah you can see threads of racism, and you can also see the huge one of "Racists wizards are trying to take over the world, we need to stop them". I’m not even a huge Harry Potter fan but the way ya'll are treating it like it hast to be H*rry P*tter is RIDICULOUS. We all still read lovecraft when he famously had a cat named the N-word. you can separate the creator from the content ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE ARE MULTI BILLION DOLLAR CORPORATIONS SEPARATING THEM. (like, ya'll realize JK gets a salary, and regardless of weather or not you buy warner brothers merch or the books themselves, she still gets that same number.)

Ya'll are the same people who had your hogwarts houses in you bio in high school anyway. outside of the internet, Everyone still loves Harry Potter. New generations will still be raised on it JUST LIKE YOU WERE. AND YA'LL SEEM TO COME OUT OF IT BEING ABLE TO IDENTIFY RACIST TROPES SO GIVE PEOPLE SOME CREDIT. you really think a little kid reading harry potter is gonna teach them racism or transphobia? go outside jesus fucking christ

It really feels like you just wanna be morally superior to everyone else and if thats the case, you don't care about transphobia or racism, you care about being right. Do some soul searching will ya? taking in unproblematic media doesn't make you better, it just makes you sheltered

[sussensecret]

⋆✺jungkook fic recs✺⋆

smut:  ♡           fluff: ☼          angst:   ☆

a list of our favorite jungkook fan fics. enjoy !

masterlist of all masterlist

Heart of the City - jungkxook  ♡ ☼ (DOESNT WORK) Spiderman!Jungkook  Summary: The responsibility that comes with putting on the red mask each night is followed by even greater risks for the people Jungkook is around. Telling you the truth could only end in one way but how long can he go before you figure out his little secret?

Irresistibile - jungkxook  ♡ ☼ (IT WORKS!!!!!!!!!!) College au Summary: The start of your freshman year of college, you have the utmost unlikely of tragedies to both meet Jeon Jungkook and fall into a deep, utterly helpless, and tenacious hatred for him.

Melomaniac -  jungkxook  ♡ (DOESNT WORK) Punk!Jungkook but also Prep!Jungkook Summary: “Your mother had always warned you about boys in ripped jeans and messy hair but she never warned you about boys like Jeon Jungkook.”

Hiraeth - jungkxook ☆ ♡ | 14 part series (DOESNT WORK) Zombie apocalypse au Summary: A world full of dwindling hope and lost loves and yet you and Jungkook are all the other needs to feel at home.

Just for Tonight - jungkxook  ♡ ☼ (IT WORKS!!!!!!!!!!) Summary: Jungkook plans on getting into the annual secret underground party for his birthday and you can’t help but tag along.

Exchanges -  workoftheaguk  ♡ ☼ Spiderman!Jungkook Summary: In which Jeon Jungkook is that friendly neighborhood superhero, you’re the face in the hallway that saved his high school career, and he can’t ever seem to get a grip around you. Even when he makes you scream after a fated accident—not for the reason you may be thinking; get the thought out of your head! 

After care - jungblue  ♡ Slytherin!Jungkook Summary: When Jungkook gets hurt during a quidditch game, and you want to give him a little extra attention afterwards.

Proposals - pjxmin ♡☼☆ Friends to lovers au Summary: You and Jeongguk propose at restaurants to get free food, but somewhere along the way you start to fall for him

In Bloom - tayegi ♡ Werewolf!jungkook

Roommates - tayegi  ♡☼☆  |  3 part series Roommate!jungkook

Zipper - jiminniemouse ♡ Bestfriend au Summary: Your best friend thinks it’s a good idea to watch porn together, he’s dumb.

Accio - minsvga ♡☼ Harry Potter au Summary: A food fight broke out in the middle of dinner one night. And, needless to say, being Prefects, you and Jeon Jungkook stepped up and stopped the fight - but also found yourselves covered in dungbomb residue and food afterwards. Also, there was an issue. There was only one Prefects’ bathroom…

Try-Hard - hobibliophile ♡ ☼ |  2 part series Rugby!Jungkook Summary: Yoongi asks you to help him photograph the university rugby team, and you’re reluctant until you see Jeon Jungkook in uniform. Damn.

Lock the Door - monstaccato ♡ Summary: In hindsight, maybe you weren’t that sorry for not locking the door.

Jasmine - btssmutgalore ♡

Winner Takes All - parkjammins ♡☼☆ Volleyball!Jungkook Summary: Jeon Jungkook chooses volleyball out of all the sports only because he loves flying in the air and making it impossible for his opponents to bring back up the ball with his power spike (and maybe it’s because he also wants to get inside your pants).

New Rules - tayegi ♡☼☆ | 9 part series on going Fratboy!Jungkook Summary: there isn’t a summary, BUT THIS IS HONESTLY MY FAVORITE FIC EVER  

Blue Orchirds - inktae ☆☼ Hanahaki & soulmate au

Givenchy & Gold - promixity ♡ | 2 part series Summary: you’re the supervisor of the clothing department with a lot of useless lingerie knowledge, jungkook is the jewelry department’s defiant hot boy who flirts in wristwatch brands. basically an upscale retail au, but with lots of implied under-the-counter sex. and when an opportunity presents itself to fuck each other in the boss’s office after hours, you’re both too hot for each other to say no.

Fall For You - kimvtae ♡ | 3 part series College au Summary: You hate a lot of things about Jeon Jungkook; you hate his arrogance, his reputation, and his pet name for you to name a few. But most of all, you hate how right it feels for you to fall into his arms, and how easy it is to fall for him.

Stuffed Pumpkin - floralseokjin ♡☼ Summary: Hooking up with the guy you’re neutral towards isn’t how you expected your night to go, especially dressed as a pumpkin…

Playing with Fire - floralseokjin ♡ Summary: jungkook seems to have a little crush on you, and no matter how much you try to ignore it, you seem to be losing your resolve with each passing day…

Sketch - moonscriptx ♡☼ Summary: After sixteen years of dreaming about the same unknown beautiful girl, Jungkook finally gets to put a name to her face – and she’s so much more than what he’s dreamt of.

The Wedding Planners - gukyi  ☼ Enemies to lover!au, wedding!au Summary: jeon jungkook is three things: cocky, terrible, and your worst enemy. then your best friend hoseok gets engaged to the love of his life, and suddenly jeon jungkook is four things: cocky, terrible, your worst enemy, and the man you will be spending the next seven months with in order to plan your best friend’s wedding.

Break The Ice - mint-tape ♡☼☆ Hockeyplayer!Jungkook, Hockeyplayer!Jimin Summary: There are three rules to become an official Puck Bunny: 1.     You have to love hockey. No exceptions. 2.     You have to had slept with at least three hockey players. Starters, no benchwarmers. 3.     And most importantly, have fun! 

Morning Rush - atdawnsuga ♡ College au Summary: You develop a strange relationship with the boy you share your morning commute with.  

Two Rotten Apples - chickenkooks ♡☆  | 4 part series on going Summary: we’re next-door neighbors and have hated each other since middle school but now we’re going to the same university how can we avoid the other person like the plague so there isn’t a crime scene— what do you mean you promised my mom you would keep an eye on me???? you fucking planned this

Not So Honest - wonhopes ♡ Roommate au Summary: Jungkook has got a pretty big problem, and he desperately asks you for your help.

I Think We Need To Talk - freehoseoksdick ♡☼ Summary: “i think we need to talk.” + “friends don’t get each other off”

Just Friends - kinkjungkook ♡☼☆ Best Friends au Summary: Jeon Jungkook was many things. He was an asshole, a tease, and kind of an inconsiderate roommate. But most of all, he’s your best friend, and has been since you were 10. When he suddenly confesses his attraction to you and proposes sleeping together, you are smart enough to turn him down. You knew Jungkook; you knew how he moved from one girl to the next. You, too, were many things, but just another notch in Jungkook’s belt was something you’d never be.

Amour Chassé Croisé - jungnoir ☆☼ Ladybug au Summary:  by day, you’re just a normal teenager in love with a popular model that goes to your school, jeon jungkook. but by night? you protect the city of paris under the alias ladybug, assisted by the ever elusive, ever anonymous, and ever so flirtatious, chat noir. you’ve always wondered who chat noir really is under the mask, but he may just be closer than you think.

Take What’s Yours (And Stay) - kidguk ♡☼☆ Summary: Friends to lovers to strangers is how it usually goes, but you and Jeon Jungkook have revisited each of those steps a few too many times over the past five years (aka the Jungkook college au with mutual pining, high school flashbacks, friends to lovers?, strangers to lovers?, who even knows?, and many shy & awkward moments that nobody asked for - enjoy).

Doxology - jeonjagiya ♡ Summary: You and a fellow churchgoer spend Easter Sunday sinning and sharing a secret. THIS WAS SO HOT AND WILD WHAT THE FUCK

The Nudist and The Prudist - gxtsmxt ♡ Summary: ❛❛ i saw you naked on your porch but jesus christ is my friend so i was hoping i would never see you again but here you are go away hot person❜❜ AU

Wildflowers - fireheart-namjoon ♡☼ Faerie au Summary: He’s gentle, each touch lingering as if he’s mapping each curve and dip of your body to memory. You lock your arms around his shoulders and slot your mouth against his, the press of his lips soft and warm. The kisses are slow, a languid glide that steals your breath gradually until your lungs ache with the need for air and your mind is fuzzy with desire.

Vaunt - yminie ♡ fratboy!jungkook Summary: Every weekend Beta Tau throws a ‘little’ party to help students relax and let loose and frat resident Jungkook has a big mouth that talks a lot of big game. You finally get sick of the lack of relaxation on your end and set out to see if he’s all talk. 

Gold Rush - nochugguk ♡☼ trackrunner!jungkook also a college au Summary: freshman Jungkook comes to you with an injured shoulder and a very concerning proposal

Secrets of silk - nochugguk ♡ ☆ ☼ | 3 part series camboy!jungkook also a college au Summary: when a dreamy camboy turns up at your university wearing bruises of yesterday, your guilty indulgence manifests into a racy obsession.

Blue isn’t for you - kidguk ♡☼ fratboy!jungkook Summary: Jeon Jungkook is the epitome of ‘new’ for you and, without a doubt, the strangest frat boy you’ve ever met.

Banter - littlemisskookie ♡ ☆ ☼ Superhero!Jungkook, Supervillain!Reader, also roommate au Summary: Ironically, some of your best moments are with your archnemesis, the man who you literally fight every other day. But the two of you might be closer than you originally thought.

The Devil’s Change Up - jungblue ♡☼ College au, baseball au Summary: Majoring in athletic training means you have mandatory observation hours to perform with every single sports team at your school throughout the year, and so far it’s been going pretty great. However, when regrets from your past cause your rotation with the baseball team to become a little rocky, there’s one star pitcher who says that he can make it all better.

Sugar-Coated - guksheart  ♡☼ Bakery au, neighbor au Summary: jeon jungkook, aspiring singer, works at a bakery with nothing but cupcakes and satisfied customers to occupy his time. one day, his next-door neighbor strolls into the shop with tears in her eyes, and his heart cannot help but worry why

The Underwear Thief - gukyi ♡☼ Neighbors au Summary: Jeon Jungkook would like to make one thing very clear:  it’s not his fault. Like every imperfect, morally flawed human being, Jeon Jungkook doesn’t like admitting things that are his fault are his fault. It’s in human nature to find some other explanation, point at a scapegoat that doesn’t have your name stamped anywhere near it. Like when he blames the fact that he missed the online quiz that was due at midnight on how he didn’t expect for the new episode of Orange is the New Black to be that long, even though they’re all practically the same length and he just has poor time management skills. Or when he accidentally takes the last of the soda in Jimin’s fridge and then proceeds to call Taehyung out for it so as to avoid the Park Wrath. Or when he shatters his phone screen and blames it on his faulty coat pockets rather than his carelessness, or when the knob for the cold water in the kitchen sink breaks off as a result of “poor plumbing” rather than his inability to control his random bouts of strength. Jungkook doesn’t like taking blame. But he swears, this time, it’s really not his fault.

Euphoria - 94hixtape ♡☼ ft jimiiiiiinnnnn, college au  Summary: there isnt one, but a niceeeeee threesome for yall

Set On You - bymoonchild ♡☼ college au, volleyball au Summary: Sports has never been your thing, so when you find yourself in a sports hall that reeks of perspiration and cologne and in front of a group of volleyball players whom you’re supposed to be managing (heck, you can’t even manage your own life), you know that you’re in Deep Shit™. Especially when Jeon Jungkook, the golden setter of the team aka the boy who holds stars in his eyes, starts to occupy your reveries, slowly becoming both the quiet and pandemonium of your heart.  

we will be adding more to this list, as time goes by !

[hogwarts-houses-as]

Studying Angels

AUTHORS NOTE: heyy. This is what ive written of the book so far. I hope you enjoy. Criticism is accepted but don’t be a dick. Oh and I’m in slytherin btw- Sara

Tw: social anxiety, depersonalisation and mild swearing

Amy’s notes- oh, not bad at all! I’ll give you 15 points for it, bringing slytherin up to 761

It’s seems stupid to think that we know everything. Geniuses are only seen as superior because they have the confidence to say what people really think and fools aren’t taken seriously because they screwed up one situation and they’ve never been able to dig out of the humiliation. And we call this ‘normal.’ We occupy 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000003% of the known universe (not counting parallel/outer universes) and we oh-so humbly named ourselves “Wise man.” Absolutely insane.

Chapter 1 I can strongly assure you that I dislike isolation. I can also assure you that the prospect of fucking up an interaction with another human being terrifies me even more. That’s the reason that the only people I’ve spoken to in 18 days are my professors and Siri. Social phobia is a dreadful thing. Now, a thing that I’ve learned recently is that a book makes a perfect shield for any extroverts that may want to approach but it isn’t always 100% affective – after all, what is? “Good afternoon ma'am. Do you mind if I sit with you? It’s just that every other place is taken.” Piped up an innocently seeming peer at Cambridge University (or as I like to call them 'victims of level 7 of hell’). She almost seemed too normal but I just put it down to the fact that my brain was completely fucked 98% of the time. She was incredibly pale but had a certain radiance that made her look more human. The gorgeously freckled kind of pale. Light auburn hair streamed just past her shoulders while dazzling azure eyes shone softly against the punkish attire she sported. Ripped jeans, a baggy black t-shirt, heavy-duty doc martens and a plaid shirt thrown over her shoulders. Meanwhile, I looked like a gender-warped David Mitchell. Nerdy and awkward with the sex appeal of the average road accident. “So,” She started, somehow pulling me from my book as she sipped her latte, “What are you studying here?” “Sociology. Because I like finding out exactly how screwed humanity is.” I replied reluctantly. She laughed. She laughed at my sarcasm and not being absolutely horrified at it. Interaction isn’t that bad. Or it could be just her. Screw it. “Same.” She said through giggles, “So are most of my roommates -the absolute nightmares. The block of dorms I’m in are under repair so, me and 12 other lunatics are all crashing on the same sofa which isn’t exactly the best of experiences. At least it’s free though.” I smiled at her dry humour. A thought sprang to mind. No, I’m completely forgetting myself. Is that a terrible thing? Well, it’s too forward… you know what? Fuck the anxiety. “Well, if you like, you could maybe chill at my place.” I never wish to say that phrase ever again in this life or the next, “The college gave me no roommates for, uh, reasons,” Wow. Good job I totally don’t sound suspicious, “Therefore I’ve got a spare bedroom. Obviously, you don’t-” “That sounds lovely, actually.” Two fingers to you, anxiety. “If I could just get your number then I’ll be around as soon as possible. Oh, I’m Louise by the way.” She said, stretching out a hand. “I’m Sam,” I replied, at once shaking said hand, “T'was a pleasure doing business with you.” She chuckled with me. “You too. I’ll see ya then.” “See ya.” What the bloody hell is wrong with me? It’s as if I’m overcoming my psychological chemical imbalances. Holy shit I’m overcoming my psychological chemical imbalances.

Chapter 2 “Good morning.” She greeted through yawns, her hair scraped into a messy bun. She hadn’t come back last night until about 2am most probably because of some party that I wasn’t invited to. I’m not complaining because if I was mentally able enough to have a social life then I certainly wouldn’t invite an obstinate prick who is trapped in their own brain and hasn’t felt reality in 8 months. “'Morning. You slept well?” I asked as I tried to hide the fact I was downing the handful of pills that were needed to keep me sane. Key words here being 'kind of’ and 'attempting.’ “Yeah thanks.” Her gentle stare met mine and her face dropped. Oh god, “What are they?” She inquired, pointing at the packets upon packets in the metal case next to me. “Umm, they’re, um, they’re-” Come on brain, you can think up seventeen thousand ways a situation can go wrong but you can’t think of one excuse to what these pills are. “Anti-depressants, derealisation meds and 4 kinds of anxiety meds, Jesus Christ Sam!” She exclaimed rummaging through the case. “Look, it’s nothing, really. I just need… I just need to knock some systems into…into place. I’ve…I’ve got to go.” I scampered out of my dorm room. I fled…like an absolute coward. “You fucking coward, you twat, Sam.” I mumble to myself as I start pacing up and down the corridors because everything else is going downhill and everybody else thinks that I’m insane what’s the point in caring. Something grabs my arm. Oh god she thinks I’m pathetic. She could be one of them idiots who thinks that you can control mental health because it’s all in your head. The nice ones are always idiots. “Look, this connects so many dots an-” “Oh yeah, it makes so much sense that I’m clinically insane. Thanks.” Her face softens with an expression that I hadn’t seen in a long while. “It just explains why people stereotype you in such a way. They don’t understand what’s up. And I know we aren’t that close but, but I think I can help you.” I turned around, just feeling like a huge, overreacting oaf. “Thanks, Louise. I’m, uh, I’m sorry.” I said sheepishly. I’ve known her for a day and she already must deal with a chemically imbalanced nightmare “Don’t worry mate. Shit’ll be okay.” She assured with a smile. Well, I’m truly screwed now, aren’t I? Chapter 3 “Every stereotype is stupid unless the people or person that you are talking about has been proven to conform to that stereotype. But then that’s not a stereotype, it’s a fact.” Louise ranted as we strolled towards our sociology class. “Yeah. It’s one of those things that everybody thinks is normal even though it’s just a paradox wrapped in an enigma wrapped in generations of unneeded acceptance.” Wow. I don’t sound like a nerd at all, “I understand that the social contract theory has to be followed unless you wish to live like an animal without a society but I still don’t get why how you’re born should define what you should or need to do. It’s just utterly bizarre.“ I uttered as we set down our bags in our classroom. The room was surprisingly real. Almost too real to be real. I assumed that my DPDR was beginning to thrive again.

Now, you probably don’t know what DPDR is but I can assure you that you have most probably experienced it. It’s the constant feeling of unreality. A neurological limbo where you can’t tell if you’re conscious or not. An odd phase where dreams feel more like reality than reality and your brain starts flurrying with 'perhaps I’m already dead and this is what they meant when they said that your life flashes before your eyes’. You begin to forget what it’s like to be in the real world. You can’t remember what it’s like to properly focus on the bird chirping in the morning or tea seeping down your esophagus at 3am on a cold Saturday or soft carpet nuzzling against your feet when you finally get up in the morning or the delight of going to see a film with a close friend and laughing over the Scottish character who exclaims "oh my dear lord” at the site of explosions or the delightfully beautiful way the close friend laughed as their eyes lit up in a sense that settled you with a feeling that could only be described as 'you give me comfort in the best kind of way and I hope that we stay friends until we’re draped with suits in coffins’ …or even smiling because you want to rather than because your brain says that something is nice. It’s depressing to think that I may never be able to be in those moments ever again. Its brutally petrifying.

But I’ll stop rambling now.

As we started escaping to different universes (hers was the land of whatever music she listened to whereas mine was the harry potter universe) a plethora of seemingly drunk students came into the classroom in a way that could only be described as 'falling’.

“Did they actually come into class hammered?” I muttered disapprovingly to Louise.

“No,” She stammered with a chuckle, “They’re just the clumsy ones. The nerds.”

“They’re the nerds? Well, doesn’t that out me at an odd point in the Uni hierarchy.

"Who has a good place in any kind of hierarchy? The concept of a hierarchy was made by our society to make you feel that you will never be good enough.” She mumbled, scrolling through albums worth of my chemical romance’s discography.

“I’ve heard that 'mama’ is a pretty good song. And an opening line of 'mama we all go to hell’ says more about Gerard than any other words ever could.” I uttered as I lazily through my tatty book into my rucksack, only to resurface and find Louise staring at me with a confused but impressed look on her face. “What?”

“It’s just that you don’t look like the typical MCR fan.”

“What do I look like then? A stereotypical Dad who thinks that Lionel Richie is the king of the music industry?” I uttered through giggles as out sociology teacher (Mr Bennet) waltzed in.

“Good morning.” He greeted in his amazingly fed-up way, throwing down his bag. “Right as per usual, let’s get on with the debate. Anybody have a controversial subject that they’re afraid they have opinions on that are ever so slightly different to everybody else’s?” He asked like he was one more sleepless night away from a straight-jacket.

Now, I haven’t raised my hand in class since the social anxiety disorder kicked in but for some reason, almost as if I was possessed, my hand shot up.

“Sam.” Bennet said as he gave a vague nod in my direction, thoroughly shocked at my participation.

“The 2016 election in America.”

(Hope you enjoyed that :))

[shslshortie]

Okay I'm going to make a post because I can't deal with everything that got asked/shat out my way

I am sorry for this rant, but I am legit ready to leave tumblr again. Like I forgot why I hated it so much, but lord is this an unhealthy environment for so many reasons. Mainly, because of discourse/call out culture. And I'm obviously not talking about being "PC" or anything, but just being an all around mean spirited person if anyone says anything that either 1) doesn't agree with you/your views/your fandom, 2) if anything is even slightly false or not entirely fact-checked, or 3) goes against most popular opinions without writing an entire graduate-level thesis about why you believe your opinion/view/observation is valid. Like if you want to complain or voice an opinion about anything, or even joke about something that you think is funny, you could very likely almost immediately be called out or even be sent WAVES of hate that usually is completely undeserved. Especially since people are hiding behind a screen of anonymity or at least behind an online persona, they don't think about the person on the receiving end of it. They don't think how their mean spirited comments or backlash could effect them mentally, and they don't even stop to think what else could be going on in their lives. Yesterday, (was it yesterday? I think it was yesterday, but GOD was it a long fucking day if it was) I made some posts after recapping through the Rost. Cup after I watched each medalist's short and long, as well as all the US skaters, big names, and for the men and ladies, almost all 11 skaters honestly. I love figure skating, and NO, unlike a lot of people wrongfully assumed, am not a part of the "fandom" and did not get into it because of YOI. Was a passion reignited from like a barbeque level flame to a bonfire with YOI's help? Yes. But would it probably have gone to a similar level with the Olympic season going into full swing? Highly likely. But anyways, I made some posts because I wanted to voice some observations, complaints, and things I thought were funny because tumblr is the only place I ever really rant/voice theories/talk about a lot of my interests, since I don't have any irl friends who are interested in almost half of the things I am. So, tumblr is usually the place that I dump these feelings/thoughts. Sure, one of them was a little off-color, and posted without thinking, but after about an hour (and like 3-4 replies I think), I looked back on it, and realized it didn't need to be posted out there, even if I didn't mean it to be mean. Does this mean I owed every single person who "called me out" for being uninformed, or for being mean, or for being whatever the hell I am a reply? No. Did I know that some things were answered over Twitter, or weibo (sp?) or Reddit, or whatever other gd social media that I don't use? No. Does that man I am uniformed and spreading lies or whatever? I don't think so, and that doesn't make me a fucking villain. I also deleted it, because I realized I was wrong. End of story, part 1. But then, the figure skating fandom found some of my posts/commentary/rants. (god forbid they somehow find this and attack me ALL OVER AGAIN, except for y'all that were part of this whole issue. I hope y'all see this, because it's not like I blocked you. Except for one tumblr user who blocked me because of my post? Like you do you, except don't reblog my post and block me so I can't see what you said, presumably about how I am a terrible person). And apparently 1) if you insult/don't like/say Y***** H**** didn't do his best/were disappointed in him, or if you like the person who won over him more... Then you deserve to die. And 2) if you even make a post about YOI or other anime, you are a fake fan who knows nothing. And 3) even mirroring almost the exact words of sports (specifically figure skating) commentators in your posts means nothing? Like it OBVIOUSLY means that you are making up bullshit to hate on skaters that are popular and are misinformed, right??? Or if you say one thing that was similar to an APPARENTLY problematic broadcast group, that nothing (including any commentary from official other broadcasts, because GUESS WHAT: it's hard to find recordings of all of the programs and exhibitions with English commentary, and there are usually 3-4 networks that have it, and SO MANY people upload different ones to YouTube) else you say matters or has any merit. I haven't even read all of the hate mail and submissions I received from this debacle. My mental health can't take it. I literally woke up for school the next morning, saw my notifications and couldn't get myself to stop crying from the anger/upsetness/trauma/depressed thoughts that bubbled up with all of it, and I couldn't even get myself to go to class because I was so shaken. Like visibly, physically shaken, to the point where I couldn't think straight and I literally had tremors from how upset and unstable it made me feel. Tumblr should be a place where I can voice my opinion on something I am passionate about without all this hate. I literally have no other place. Right now, irl, I got dragged into drama (not mine, I swear, I was just a witness and got pulled into the mess) with my honor society, and the girl who started it all is trying to pit the entire organization against me. I can't post anything on my finsta, and God forbid I even tried to post anything in Facebook. (Not like I would). I am already in a very dark place mentally and emotionally because of the trauma this is putting me through, and how unwanted, useless and disgusting everybody is making me feel. I shouldn't be getting that from strangers who just decided to make my life even more miserable on top of it. Legitimately, out of the 30-40 comments/asks/replies/submissions I recieved, only one person even tried to realize where I was coming from or to educate me on what I had done wrong or missed in my analysis. But some of their wording just mirrored all the hate l had recieved, or even other things I had been told in real life that just made me cry even harder and I still can't bring myself to reply to even the person who was civil. My one big point to anyone who sees this is (besides don't be a dick/cyber bully/create and stir up unnecessary discourse) is don't assume that people don't know what they're talking about? Or don't assume that they are fake fans? And don't make people spell every letter of their opinion out for you in a 12 page thesis if it doesn't comply with the tumblr norm. Cuz here are some fun facts about me that I don't normally publicize / post about on tumblr: Yes, I am an anime fan, but Jesus Christ I love/am a huge fan of WAY more than I am in the fandom for. I am honestly only in like 4-5 anime fandoms. Same thing goes for other things I like, such as Harry Potter or marvel. I can like things, A LOT, and be passionate about them without being in the fandom. That doesn't mean I don't like it or I'm not knowledgable on the subject. That doesn't mean that I am an idiot for not knowing a fact/opinion/theory that has made its way around the fandom, that I'm not a part of. YES, I am a HUGE SPORTS FAN. It was legitimately also my fucking career (as a sports reporter/journalist/broadcaster). Do I post on tumblr about Baseball or Football or Hockey? Almost never. Does that make me any less of a fan, or does that make me any less knowledgeable about teams and rules? No. Does that mean that I didn't play/participate in almost every sport growing up? (baseball for 6 years, I still play Intermural football, tennis for 3 years, volleyball for 4, soccer for 1, swimming for like 5 years, I tried track, even karate and some other random stuff.) YES, I AM FUCKING KNOWLEDGABLE ABOUT PERFORMANCE SPORTS. I have participated/competed/trained/still watch almost every kind of performance sport. Of course color guard and marching band has been the longest, and the thing I was best at (7 years), but I grew up doing all kinds of dance and I still do lots of dance, as well as TONS of my own choreography. I've done baton and cheer for about 1-2 years each too. I did gymnastics for 4 years — was I very good? hell no. But do I know about it and appreciate it? Yes. SAME THING GOES FOR FIGURE SKATING. I only had like half a years worth of lessons, and like 3 routines that I ever finished and performed with figure skating, but that is because it is an expensive af sport, and I had way more activities and sports that I was better at, more passionate about learning, and were more accessible. BUT did I grow up going to figure skating shows like Disney on Ice or Stars on ice? Did that stop me from waiting in line for hours to get Michelle Kwan and other famous figure skaters autographs? No. Did that stop me from watching almost every single minute of the 2014 and 2010 Olympics? No. Do I still remember watching parts of the 2006 Olympics with my parents and absolutely being ENTHRALLED and wanting to do that too? YES. I still remember watching the 2014 Olympics from my aunt's house when I was staying on a cot in her living room because my mother was in the hospital and CRYING when I saw Y* H* perform, break world records, and win the gold. It was a sense of normalcy and awe because everything else going wrong in my life didn't matter while I was watching these amazing athletes perform. And GUESS WHAT, since I'm not really a part of the Figure Skating fandom (just like I'm not in the musical theatre fandom, or in anything regards to hair or makeup) I don't post about my own hype or plans regarding how excited I am for things to come out. So nobody here on tumblr, or almost ANYONE knew how excited I was for this upcoming Grand Prix season for the first actual competition of the Olympic season. I watched almost every challenger series video, as well as the autumn winter classic and competitions of the like. Even the JGPF events in anticipation. But guess what: I literally have a note on my phone that has all of Team USA's competition schedules, and their scores that they have gotten so far (like at the COR), along with a list of my favorite international skaters, and other new skaters to watch. I was so hype, so excited, and I thought that maybe, since figure skating had boomed in popularity, thanks in part to YOI (but also, helped people be more vocal and open about how much they love the sport even if ex already did) I would be able to discuss the excitement with other people. But no. Instead of being able to say "omg I'm so excited for blah blah blah, I hope they make the Olympic team. But I also love this show concept and this other persons costume, and you also can't count out blah blah blah" and being civil with conversation among other fans... They instead will say " wow you like blah blah blah? But you said this about them, and that offends me so you're wrong, and you forgot this tiny detail from 3 years ago, and you like anime so you OBVIOUSLY only care about figure skating because of YOI. Take your bandwagon fan bullshit away from me and go kill yourself". So now, I am staying the fuck away from the figure skating fandom, I've literally left half of my choreography untouched for almost 2-3 months, don't want to read/finish any of my YOI fanfics, and will probably even have a hard time watching Skate Can this weekend (even though like 6 of my favorite skaters are competing, and I was so excited before). Guess I'll just have to annoy my snapchat friends with videos of skating and me screaming because of skating. Fuck you tumblr, and I doubt I'll make any more original posts outside of APO planning and reblogs in the foreseeable future,

[kentparsonbirthdaybash]

Kent Parson’s Birthday Bash 2017 Author Reveal Masterpost

Hello there creators, readers and everyone in-between,

Guess what time it is? That’s riiiiight!!

It’s officially reveal time and this post contains all 52 works submitted to the challenge organized alphabetically by author.

You can access the AO3 challenge here at any time.

Thanks for much for participating in the challenge this year. It’s been a blast & we’ll see you next year!

Best,

@whiskeytangofrogman & @iamneversleepingagain

A

achilleees for blithelybonny: you got me wanting you (Rated E, Nursey/Kent/Dex, 11.3k): “Kent – Parson?” Dex said, kind of a squeak. “Like…” “How many Kent Parsons you know of?” Nursey said. “Yeah, Parson. Number one celeb crush. I’m mad into that douche-ass smirk, man.”

Aj4668 for McBangle: It’s About Forgiveness (Rated T, Kent/Swoops, 6.1k): Kent stares at his phone. He reads the text three times. He checks the name of the sender five times. It’s a text from Jack, who, outside of saying ‘good game’, he hasn’t talked to in six years. Hey how are you? Now he wants to know how he is?

alpha_exodus for goldstandard: Moving in Slow Motion (Rated E, BittyParse, 8.6k): Bitty's room is overbooked at orientation, which means he has to stay in the only available bed left. But that bed is in the RA's room, and the RA in question happens to be Kent Parson.

alwaysbuddy for blazeofglory: the fires we started (Rated E, Pimms, 6.1k): “How long?” Kent asks. He won’t look at Jack. He won’t. There’s a pause. “Since.” Jack doesn’t look at him either. “Since then.” Since you.

asimpleline18 for ticktockclockwork: There For You (Rated M, BittyParse, 4.8k): Eric is a DJ rising through the gay club scene in Las Vegas when he and Kent Parson fall in love after Kent becomes the first openly gay player in the NHL. They start to fit into each others' lives until Kent makes a mistake because of his own insecurities. Can they fix it before they drift too far apart?

B

Bittyybee for jacksbits: Best Birthday(s) Ever (Rated E, PB&J, 1.8k): Snippets of Kent's birthday through the years. He's not always around, but he's always on Jack's mind.

blazeofglory for daydoodles: someone you maybe might love (Rated T, Pimms, 1.4k): Jack and Kent: the three happy years before the draft.

blindinglights for lautjuh1: Land of Wishing Wells (Rated E, Patater, 9.6k): Somehow Kent goes from dateless to Jack and Bitty’s wedding to going to it with Alexei Mashkov. Not a real date. No, they’ll play fake boyfriends, and then somehow break up after the wedding. He’s not even sure how or if they can pull it off, but Alexei is dead set on it working.

blithelybonny for mahons_ondine: With a Thousand Sweet Kisses (Rated T, BittyParse, 7.2k): Ten times Kent kisses a boy.

blue_rocket_frost for tragedyistheirs: Friends In Low Places (Rated T, Patater, 4.8k): “Hey, Mashkov,” Kent says, “who do I gotta blow to get a drink around here?”

bookwyrmling for redporkpadthai: Puerto Vallarta (Rated T, BittyParse, 2k): It's been five years since they met in a whirlwind vacation fling and five years since they began dating. Bitty wants to make sure the next five years, and much longer, start off on the right foot.

C

cablesscutie for blindinglights: Cherry Pie: 50 min @ 425F (Rated E, PB&J, 2.2k): “Yeah. You want in, Zimms? Or should we get a room?” “Both?” Jack asked, looking to Bitty. “Both,” Bitty breathed. “Both is good.”

cambo for TheUnvanquishedZims: :3 (Rated G, Gen, Art): Kent is a cat burglar who has a friendly acquaintanceship with other villains he sees around town, at least until a bunny-themed burglar starts showing him up. Time to teach bunny-boy a lesson... if Kent can catch him, that is. (And does stopping a thief make you a hero? Oh no. Oops.)

carsonphillips for entirely_too_tall: Something Sweet (Rated T, Pimms and Patater, 5.9k): When the media asks Kent what he was feeling as Mrs. Durand drove him to the Colisée Financière Sun Life for his first day with the Rimouski Océanic, he feeds them a cocktail of emotions: excitement, nervousness, and determination all at once. He isn’t lying—he was feeling those things—but his feelings were pushed to the back of his mind in favor of the Smell. The closer he got to the rink, the more detail he could pick up: freshly mown grass, fir, birch, lilac, and upon stepping into the rink, Kent swears he can smell maple syrup.

checkthanks for minyrrds: Crossing the Line (Unrated, Kent/Swoops, 1.1k): Kent Parson resolved to get over his longstanding crush on his straight teammate long ago. Luckily for him, he was never successful.

D

dogstarblack for alwaysbuddy: About Time (Rated T, Pimms, 3.5k):“You sure you're ready?” Kent asked, looking up at Jack. “Kenny, I’m sure. You don't have to keep asking, okay? I want to do this with you,” Jack assured him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “Okay,” Kent echoed, laying his head on Jack’s chest, his fingers lacing through Jack’s. “Almost doesn't feel real, you know? Like, we’ve had to hide for so long and we just--won’t have to anymore.” “It'll be good,” Jack said, squeezing Kent’s hand. “It'll be fucking amazing, that's what it'll be,” Kent said, his lips stretching into a grin. “You just had to one up me,” Jack teased. “Always.”

E

eden22 for fieldofdiabolicalbutlovelykillers: Player 15 (Rated E, BittyParse, 20.4k): A list of things that Kent Parson definitely isn't: 1. He definitely isn't worried that the Aces just drafted Eric Bittle because he's a younger, faster version of Kent 2. He definitely isn't bitter and jealous that Bittle got Jack and Kent didn't 3. He definitely isn't falling for him

entirely_too_tall for carsonphillips: Breathe You In (Rated T, Patater and Kent/Swoops, 42.9k): "Don't hide away from me like this, Zimms. You don’t smell it?" The Soulmate Smell, people liked to call it. Scientifically, it was just pheromones, compatible people heightening each other’s sense of smell, to suss each other out like bloodhounds sniffing down their target. "Smell what Kenny? I didn't smell anything." "Don't lie to me!" Kent snaps. -- A soulmate AU where you can smell your soulmate from across the room, but not pinpoint who it is, and Kent tries to find out who he's smelling on the ice.

G

goldstandard for omgpieplease: Displaying Our Love (Rated E, PB&J, 4.9k): Kent receives a suggestive snap from Bitty. Jack doesn't have sex during the playoffs. Both of these things lead to one of the best nights of Kent's life.

I

imamaryanne for takumiismypatronus: It’s Magic (Rated T, Kent/OMC, 12.6k): In 2001, Kent Parson reluctantly goes to see the first Harry Potter movie with his sister. He has no idea how much being a Harry Potter fan will change his life, even years later.

immarcesibility for niesbixby: find me somebody to love (Rated T, Kent/OMC and Kent/OFC, 12.6k): Kent Parson has it all. Money, fame, looks, you name it. The only thing missing in his life? A relationship. He has been single for longer than he likes to admit, and he's turned into the crankiest old person because of it. Of course, his friends notice that, so they do the only thing they know will help: Set Kent up on dates. The only problem? Kent is picky as fuck. or: five times kent's friends set him up on dates and one time they didn't need to

IProtectKennyP for cambo: Not Quite Singing in Perfect Harmony (Rated T, Pimms and pre-PB&J, 27.1k): Bitty held up his phone with one hand and rubbed his eye with the other. “Kent Parson is engaged?” “Kent’s engaged,” Jack said. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Happy for him? Surprised? Something else? Bitty looked over at Jack and sighed. “Invite him to dinner,” he said.

J

jacksbits for manhattanproject: A Timid Love Beneath The Skin (Rated T, Pimms and pre-PB&J, 7.2k): “You should go see a trainer about your shoulder,” Jack says, voice low, approaching Parse’s side at the bar. Parse’s head snaps up. “What are—well, hello to you, too. Jesus Christ, Jack.” Or, Parse gets injured during the All-Star Game, and Jack tries to make him go see a trainer. Things escalate. To... massages?

K

katarama for blue_rocket_frost: (jealousy) get the best of me (Rated T, Pimms, 4.6k): There’s a familiar couple with warm smiles and crinkled eyes standing at the airport outside his gate with a giant sign sporting his name, and Alicia Zimmermann gives Kent the biggest, warmest hug he’s had off the hockey rink in years. Kent forgot how much he missed that. How much he missed them. In the excitement of it all, Kent forgets a very, very important thing about Bad Bob Zimmermann. Bad Bob Zimmermann is a terrible meddler.

L

ladymars for nightswatch: hesitate (Rated T, Kent/Swoops, 2.8k): > Is this your way of showing love? By insulting me? That actually makes Jeff pause. He considers giving Kent a hint, at least a chirp at the weird swooping his stomach did. > Nah I just like insulting you to insult you (Wherein it takes playing at different teams for these two to get together.)

lautjuh1 for ladymars: always gold (Rated G, Kent/Nursey, 6.1k): Derek looks like fall; the good parts of it, at least, when the sun is shining through the cracks of red and orange trees, when everything is just a little softer and warmer and nicer. Kent always liked fall best, anyway. Or: the one where Kent and Derek both visit the park every morning to watch the sunrise, and their lives become infinitely more intertwined.

LydiaStJames for madameofmusic: Got You (on my radar) (Rated T, Kent/Swoops, 2.6k): Kent's really starting to regret asking Bitty for dating advice.

LydiaStJames for potrix: Chirping Kent Parson (Rated T, Patater, 3.7k): “I’m just--” Kent fumbled for an explanation for his behavior. The only father-figure he'd ever had was judging him for his culinary skills, his first love was flirting with his new boyfriend ten feet to his left, and said boyfriend was looking at Kent like he ran over his dog. Too much. Too ridiculous. Instead, Kent settled with changing the conversation. “What are you making, anyway?” “I make surprise dish. Rat stew. No ingredient but is okay, since you are here. Judges will be very surprised.”

M

madameofmusic for immarcesibility: aftermath (Rated T, Pimms, 1k): Jack and Kent meet up years later, and talk about what went wrong.

ManhattanProject for IProtectKennyP: Avocado Toast (Rated T, Kent/Snowy, 1.1k): “You won’t tell anyone, right?” “That you write romantic poetry or that you’re gay? In which Kent is oblivious as usual.

mahons_ondine for staunchlyanonymous: To Fall Down at Your Door (Rated T, Pimms, 3.3k): Kent Parson is pretty sure he's completely ruined the best friendship he will ever have, and he runs from that knowledge. It takes him four years to find out just how wrong, and also how right he was.

McBangle for bookwyrmling: Hold Me in Your Heart (Rated T, Kent & Zimmerparents, 7.6k): Kent Parson doesn’t need another dad. His own was bad enough. He and his sister have gotten along just fine without one ever since his mom finally kicked that piece of s*** out once and for all. He definitely doesn’t need some ex-hockey star pretending to be a dad to him.

minyrrds for alpha_exodus: spring (Rated T, BittyParse, 22k): Sometimes Kent sits on the floor by the windows of his apartment and feels inexplicably lonely in a city seeking glory and affection, lets his heart feel full of things lost and yet to be found, and hopes for better things to come.

N

niesbixby for ronanlynchisneversleepingagain: Ace Observation (Rated T, Kent/Swoops, 7.3k): Alternatively Titled: Tyler Frye Gets His Groove On

nightswatch for dogstarblack: the start of something (Rated T, Kent/Swoops, 20.3k): The story of how Jeff Troy became, at first, Kent Parson’s linemate, then his friend, and eventually something more than that.

nightswatch for LydiaStJames: we should just kiss (like real people do) (Rated T, Kent/Swoops, 6.7k): In which Kent Parson has a cat who keeps secrets from him, and a crush on a teammate that isn't much of a secret anymore.

O

Omgpieplease for summerfrost: Bed and Breakfast (Rated M, PB&J, Art): Kent's birthday celebration starts a bit early and continues the following morning.

originally for OldLace: Might as Well Swim (Rated M, Pimms, 2.5k): Kent and Jack find themselves at the All Star Game together for the first time.

P

palateens for achilleees: drive on through the night (back home) (Rated T, Pimms, 5.1k): They’re not the same people they were in the Q, with hockey looming over their heads. They’re better.

palateens for aj4668: The People Who Leave Us (Rated T, Kent/Ransom and Kent/Swoops and Kent/OMC, 21.5k): Ransom signs with the Aces because they’re as far away as he can get from Boston. He figures that despite their reputation for playing dirty, they’re the most progressive team in the league. He looks over at Kent, whose face is sullen and lost in a house full of people here to be with him. He wonders if someone could know his entire story without him saying more than a few words.

PoisonousFlower3 for cablesscutie: Some Days are Harder Than Others (Rated T, Patater, 1k): "Shit." Just when Kent was about to make a call back, the time and date hit him. It was his God damn birthday and he had a party and he's pretty sure he fucked up something. Kent has doubts about himself and lacks confidence, thankfully he always his goof of a boyfriend Tater there with him. Or The one where Ransom joins the LV Aces, and Kent sometimes has a grip.

Potrix for topieornottopie: The Proud and the Prejudiced (Rated M, Patater, 5.1k): “Don’t ruin pretty face,” a familiar, accented voice drawls. “It's only thing you have going for you.” “Fuck off, Mashkov,” Kent barks back automatically before he stills, and then slowly turns around to face the other man. “Mashkov? What the fuck are you doing here?” Kent has annoying but well-meaning friends, a lot of (internalized) issues, and a mild pretty bad swearing problem. But he gets to kiss a hot guy at Pride, so there's that.

R

Redporkpadthai for sohini96: Patater Cuddling (Rated G, Patater, Art): A quiet morning spent cuddling on the couch.

ronanlynchisneversleepingagain for originally: you could be happy (and i won’t know) (Rated T, Kent/Swoops, 10k): The year he turns 26, Kent Parson renews his contract, comes out and figures out how to talk about his feelings. It's a steep learning curve.

S

sohini96 for allonsyarielle: Something New (Rated G, Patater, 1.6k): When Kent bumps into Alexei Mashkov at his favourite brunch place, he finds something very unexpected, something he'd almost given up on.

staunchly_anonymous for asimpleline18: three (Rated T, Kent/Tater/Snowy, 1.5k): Three's a crowd -- or is it?

SummerFrost for bittyybee: You Look Pretty Good Down Here (But You Ain’t Really Good) (Rated E, PB&J, 5.6k): Jack finds himself a little overwhelmed at his first BDSM kink party. Luckily, Kent and Bitty are there to show him the ropes.

T

takumiismypatronus for imamaryanne: Yer a Wizard, Parser! (Rated T, Kent/OMC, 8.5k): Sure, Kent Parson is gay. But that’s not his biggest secret.

TheUnvanquishedZims for palateens: Meet Me When You’re Over Yourself (Rated T, Nursey/Kent and Shitty/Lardo/Kent, 4.1k): Meeting your soulmate is a choice. Some people make it more easily than others.

ticktockclockwork for eden22: Starved (Rated M, BittyParse, 16.3k): ‘Early retirement’ wasn't a phrase Kent had ever expected to use in regards to himself and yet here he was, just ten years into his career and releasing a statement with those exact words. Other parts of the press release included 'best interest’ and 'true asset’ but the ones that were the worst to read were those first two Early retirement. Fuck him. --- Kent suffers a career ending injury in a game against the Caps, forcing him to hang up his jersey for good. Now he must learn to cope with the loss of his past life and decide what to make of himself without hockey to define him. Lucky for him, help can be found in unexpected places.

topieornottopie for checkthanks: A long flight (Unrated, Kent/Swoops, Art): Fanart of Kenny and Swoops on a long flight home.

TragedyIsTheirs for PoisonousFlower3: A Soft Place to Fall (Rated E, Patater, 2.3k): “I have surprise for you, Kenny,” Alexei whispered against Kent’s collarbone. The certain surprise was burning a hole in his suitcase, mocking him every time he grabbed clothes for the day. Alexei wanted to wait until Kent’s actual birthday to use it, and the wait had slowly been driving him crazy.

[tessatechaitea]

Superman Annual #1

They're fighting over who loves the sun more.

Tumblr, I would appreciate it if you would stop filling my dashboard with advertisements for fetish sites.

No thanks! Super no thanks! Enough with the avocados already! I don't even like to eat them!

This issue begins with Clark checking the cabbages on his farm. But he's not wearing his glasses, so how is he going to see it clearly? Also he isn't wearing overalls and from everything I know about farmers is that they wear overalls. Unless they also wear flannel shirts. But if they're wearing flannel shirts and playing a bass guitar, they are probably not farmers but slackers from Seattle. Judging from the cover, it looks like Clark is going to either ask Swamp Thing for help and it will all go wrong, or Clark is going to use some kind of Monsanto seeds and face the harsh judgment of the alt-left. I mean Swamp Thing!

I'm not a farmer but I think Clark's problem might be trying to grow his cabbages directly under the elm in the backyard.

My guess is that the fields are super dry because growing Black Mercies takes a lot out Earth earth. Clark decides to investigate the problem with his farm as Superman. Obviously there must be something strange going on if Superman can't grow a few cabbages. No way he's just an idiot when it comes to farming, right? He tears off his shirt and flies into the sky. Has there ever been a story in the 60s or 70s where a tailor in Metropolis figured out Superman's secret identity simply because Clark kept bringing in all of his shirts to get the buttons sewn back on? Superman manages to find Swamp Thing draining all of the water around the Smith Farm. Swamp Thing's first words to Preboot Superman are, "You don't belong here anymore!" Oh. I don't want to see these two fighting! They're one of my favorite ships!

OMG! So cute!

Swamp Thing has felt something wrong with The Green surrounding Preboot Superman's existence on Earth New Earth. Don't worry, Swampy. We all feel it! I keep hoping every Superman story arc I read is going to fix it. But then I also hope that each Superman story arc I read doesn't fix it because DC Comics has a tendency of fixing things in a way that just makes them more broken. I really think it's time they stop trying to tie up all the weird continuity ends and just say, "Fuck it!" I think that's a reasonable way to approach most of life's problems. Although keeping the DC Universe in this state has one upside: it makes Preboot Superman one of my favorite characters. I love that he can reference all of the stories of DC's past that nobody else knows anything about. Except maybe Wally West. But I don't like Wally West for no particular reason at all.

See?! They're going to fight over who's a bigger fan of the sun! Like a couple of asshat Harry Potter fans on Tumblr!

Superman touches Swamp Thing, leaving a big blue hand-print on him. And then Swamp Thing begins to speak in Klingon. I mean Kryptonian. He says, "I'm Superman. And I can do almost anything. Except of course raise the dead." So he's not Jesus Christ. Big deal! He's better than Jesus. Bigger! More popular! Swamp Thing continues: "I'm here to say goodbye, Clark. I know you are not coming back. You and your family are not what you believe you are." I hope Superman is lying to Clark right now because I don't want Preboot Superman to not be Preboot Superman. See what's happening? DC Comics is trying to fix shit and only making it worse! Because usually they're fixing the thing that they used to fix the last thing that was broken but meant to fix the previous thing that was broken which was the thing they used to fix a previous thing that was broken. And, of course, used to fix another thing. All the way back to Crisis on Infinite Earths. Every fucking time DC changes their universe, it's just another domino due to the 1985 Crisis. More from Swamp Thing as he and Superman battle: "You may not be here in body but I know you are in apirit...". I think he probably meant spirit there. Superman does mention that Swamp Thing's accent and dialect make it so he can barely understand him. It does seem weird that the most obvious Kryptonian letter is the S because it matches Superman's symbol for hope. And yet that's the letter the letterer typos? I think it's a clue! Superman drives Holland deep into the Earth so that Swamp Thing can take root and cleanse himself of the virus Superman gave him by touching him. It works and Swamp Thing stops spouting Kryptonian. That's too bad. I wanted to hear more! After Swamp Thing is better, he decides to help Superman cleanse himself too. To do that, he wants to fuse with Superman. YES PLEASE! Instead of relenting and eating one of Swamp Thing's Fuck Fruits, Superman decides punching is the better solution. I suppose Swamp Thing should get consent but since I want to see them fuck and I know they're fictional characters, I don't really mind that Swamp Thing is being so aggressive. Plus his "fusion" isn't really about fucking. But it still sounds intimate enough that he should stop and explain things to Superman instead of playing the "NO TIME TO EXPLAIN! WE MUST WASTE TIME FIGHTING NOW!" card. Apparently Swamp Thing did have an actual timetable for fusion and it might have to do with the setting sun. Because after fighting a bit, Swamp Thing points out that they can't even fuse now. So instead, he eats Superman. I'm starting to see why my Tumblr Dashboard is full of advertisements thinking that I want to have sex with fruits. I'm still a bit confused about the baby with the codpiece. Apparently Preboot Superman is drawing in too much solar energy around him. So that's why his cabbages keep dying! Of course it isn't because he sucks at farming! That would have been preposterous! What is also preposterous is the spelling of preposterous. Swamp Thing finally gets permission from Swamp Thing to do the fusion thing. Although is it really consent if you've already eaten the person? Swamp Thing says Superman has to forget the past to remain on Earth New Earth. See that? Fuck you, DC! You can't tell me to forget that this is Preboot Superman just because Swamp Thing tells him to forget that he's Preboot Superman! You can suck my dick, DC Comics! Just stop trying to fix everything already! This isn't going to make Superman fit better. Everybody else still knows he's a different Superman. I suppose if all of the editors tell all of the writers to just treat this Superman as the New 52 Superman, it gets rid of some of the stupid shit you pulled trying to fix New 52 Superman. But really you've just broken everything a little bit more. What will be your next fix that breaks things more by fixing one tiny thing? Idiots. The Review! Look, I hate the idea that this Superman somehow needs to be fixed by incorporating him into the New 52 world better. And that's where my vitriol comes from. But I actually liked this story by Tomasi and Gleason. Besides, they didn't go to the extreme that Swamp Thing erased Superman's memories. Swamp Thing just put the emphasis on Superman to look toward the future and simply accept Earth New Earth as if it were Preboot Earth One. That kind of works for me since I already think of it that way. And I think of it as Pre-Zero Hour Earth and Post Crisis Earth and Pre-Crisis Earth too. All the stories in my head, the ones I grew up reading, are what make the DC Universe, not what DC tells me about their Universe. They hardly ever know what they're doing anyway when it comes to editorial control. It's best just to love the stories by the writers you love and believe the characters have been built upon those stories alone.