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#HE’S A DUMB LIL GUY WITH BIG OL HEART
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You know what fuck you, I do like typical shonen boy characters who are just happy to hang out with their friends and be silly little guys.
I don’t care that I’m a sad adult now, sometime I like the MC to be a silly little guy just vibing.
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ayyponine · 1 year
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girl help im going back n forth on whether or not i should send an email to thank the beautiful man fr letting me join the drawing session last week (more info on that entire situation here and here) and letting him know i probably wont be back but appreciate having had the experience either way. great or horrible idea leave a comment or DM to lmk.
#anyway more nuance on the whole situation is this. i am very single and this guy keeps being on my mind but i do not have any read on him#the last contact we had was me makin an ass of myself by going like hehe yeah this was nice everyone was nice ok yall have a nice evenin bye#while my heart was like visibly pounding out of my chest and u could probably see on my face i was internally thinking girl shut UP!!! LEAVE#so im like ok either hes weirded out by me so let me say thx AGAIN now in a composed way AND giving him peace of mind knowing i wont be back#unless?? i was not as awkward as i thought & get reassured i can return any time and then i could still b like thanks! and just Not go#i mean even then he might say it's fine even if he IS uncomfrtable w me just to 1. be nice and 2. make money w a participant locked in yknow#it does NOT help that the line btwn casual and professional was like NOT there btw its him just hosting the event as we all do our art idkkk#anyway if you THINK youve PROBABLY been a lil off is it better to 1. have a do-over and get closure or 2. fuck off forever hoping u never#like EVER run into the dude again and be awkward AGAIN bc well! u live in the same city and are both into art so?? there IS a possibility#I CAN SEE THE PROS AND CONS OF BOTH OPTIONS REALLY#yay for sending email: get a response get some clarity NOW. nay for sending email: girl u met him twice. please. leave the stranger alone <3#the one positive abt me feeling Dumb and Embarrassing is at least every time i think back i heave a Big Ole Sigh. feels nice tbh feels good#sad part is i rediscovered how much i love doing art and want to improve. would love to return it was so cheap.. pleek ill get over my crush
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deadlysoupy · 1 year
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hey ther I think that you are really cool and I really appreciate you [thumbs up and whipping sfx]
uhh
So ask meme thing and also just general questions:
What’s an alt-mode you’d like to see represented in Transformers media?
What’s a Transformers character you see yourself connected to? Alternatively what character is furthest from you.
and Favorite and Least Favorite combiner? (25 and 26) [Looks at you with my big ol’ eyes]
you like me?? 😳😳😳😳😳 *runs away and disappears into the forest*
ty so much whoever you are i think you're cool too 😭
What's an alt-mode you'd like to see represented in Transformers media?
i just realised i think there was never a bus alt-mode. imagine a peaceful or neutral Cybertronian chilling on Earth observing humans letting them ride around. it's cute!!! design-wise i'm no artist but it could look weird so i see how it can work out badly or ugly. i would like an oc like that tho
plus a train railway or something. i read Hearts of Steel a couple of days ago and the designs were sooooo beautiful, sort of a steampunk aesthetic, so old trains and plains look amazing
What's a Transformer character you see yourself connected to?
there are probably a couple. i've only just started reading MTMTE and so far Tailgate seems most like me. small and round and a lil dumb (in a good way)
also there's Thundercracker who has such a funny name i can't keep a straight face when i see it 😭 but honestly same. he has a doggie, a (debatable) girlfriend, he likes movies and stories, he hates war, like yeah. i get it. his overall character is a little bit off from me personally but his motivation is good. i like da blue
What character is furthest from you
hnnngh Starscream. he reminds me of teenagers who appear to be best at everything, boasting left and right, but when push comes to shove they abandon people they care about or make things worse. which is ok! everyone has flaws. but as people we don't compute. but in fiction his type is probably my second favorite archetype, you can do a lot things with them! they're usually the most interesting to show, with moral ambiguity and contradictions. that's what a character has to be. to me
Favorite combiner(s)
i talked about the Dinobots and Bruticus already but i'm glad i get an ask like this again because i forgot about Defensor!!! and how could i!!!! they protect Earth, they're cool as individuals, just sweet guys. my kind of crew you know. they don't appear much but i like themb
Least favorite combiner(s)
ok lmao i know it's late for a reveal like this but the idea of all these Transformers combining into one is not for me. i don't hate them, but it seems so... overpowered. i get giants dudes like Metroplex, he's a city, that's different, but having power to combine is cheating. idk i never liked that idea, same with fusions from Steven Universe, it undermines their personalities and makes them insignificant. so all of the combiners go into this category as well as the favourite ones lmao
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pumpkinsy0 · 3 years
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VALENTINE PURLY HCS YALL PUT YA SEATBELTS AWN
if u don’t have a valentines this valentines day, the drawings a lil gift for u, i’ll tuck u in tonight as well<333
ALSO FOR THAT ONE ANON THAT ASKED FOR PONY AND CURLY IN CROP TOPS i never forgot about u<333
ALRIGHT LETS HOP INTO IT
curly use to see it as a holiday for shitty couples💀
“valentines day????more like bitches day, am i right, lol”
he also saw the holiday as the holiday that separates the bitch getters from the bitchless💯💯
meanwhile when tim heard him rants about how shitty valentines day is he stares at him and goes “youve never actually had a valentines huh”
i’m ngl pony’s never rlly had a proper valentines, like he’s gotten cards from ppl in elementary and middle school but he never rlly took it seriously
but now that he’s in high school he feels the pressure of valentine’s day everyone around him was talking about🗽
BUT BACK ONTO CURLY, so he’s been pinning for pony right????so he would take this valentine’s day as like big chance for him to get months of pent up feelings out😼
now i’m not saying he gets romantic cause like, he’s curly shepard, but he’s not..not romantic either????like he’s doing things other couples would do romantically but like w the ole shepard twist™️
im talkin heart shaped cards that went “lol lemme kiss u bro cmon” then pony would go “i mean if u insist 👁👁” and they would both go silent for a sec then just laugh but deep down b fucking sobbing
OHOH bc angela looks like a goddess she ofc gets valentines SOOOOOO she has a lot of experience and curly would go to her (guaranteed he would go to her grudgingly) ITS JUST LIKE
“look i need ur help to make valentines day good for me and pony this year”
“couldnt do it urself so u went to the queen herself huh😼”
“stfu and help me😐”
pony also wanted to get curlys attention but uhhhhh doesn’t have a CLUE of what he wants to do, and that’s where johnny comes in😈
well kinda, pony just tells him that he doesnt know what to do w curly and valentines day comin up and johnny just gives ideas n what not
BUT YEA the whole day ponys trying to get curlys attention and just hang out w him and curlys also trying to get ponys attention and to outsiders it just looks like they r actually valentines
bit they were fucking idiots and werent picking up on the others obvious signs of intrest
ok im lying, they DID pick up on it but like they thought they were just looking too deep into things and they were just desperate and looking for any sign that the other rlly liked them
but look they had fun together, hand some weird looks from both the shepard and curtis gang alike, but they didnt pay attention to that
OHOH curly would give pony like small things of his, like a ring or a necklace or somethin just so he could say he got pony something for valentine’s day so angela wouldn’t fucking teASE HIM and say he got pony jack shit for valentine’s day so he’s a bitch
they spent part of valentine’s day eating some melted chocolate curly bought for pony but rlly he said that he wanted to share it bc it was on sale
pony has a few doodles he made of curly and gave it to him cuse he was too broke to afford a gift in stores😻
when curly got home bro had the biggest lovesick grin and angela went “OoOoOo” while tim said “r yall finally together, pls say u r im tired of u complaining”
meanwhile pony was in a way happier and bouncier mood but trying to hide it but the gang already knew what was up and just rolled their eyes at the guy</33
BUT pony did rant about what he did w curly to jihnny and when johnny asked if they were together pony went “oh no, im sure we were just being friendly” and johnny stared at him like “😀😄😀” cause MAN is this kid dumb as rocks
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ANYWAYS a long time coming, purly getting high💯💯
click for better quality and to see small details i beg u
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juniorgman187 · 3 years
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About Time (Reid Fic)
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Summary: Reader’s offer to help Morgan renovate one of his properties makes Spencer jealous enough to confess what he never could before. 
A/N: I try to avoid specific Reid eras in my works so that it can be up to you how you imagine him, but please just imagine seasons 1 or 2 Spencer - I’m telling you it’ll make the experience richer. Also, I might improve this fic in the near future bc I’m not entirely happy with it. Category: Drabble, Fluff Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid Content Warning: None Word Count: 2.5k Playlist: Would You Be So Kind by Dodie
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*  
Clink … Clink … Clink … 
The repetitive noise was barely discernible at first, then it became all that I could focus on. 
In an attempt to find the source, I looked up from my paperwork and scanned the room. It only took me half a second to discover that Morgan was the culprit. 
From across the round table, I watched as Derek absentmindedly stirred his coffee and sugar together, making a ‘clink’ noise each time his spoon hit the rim of the cup. This wouldn’t have been bothersome had it not persisted for more than 10 minutes which, by all accounts, is plenty of time for the sugar to dissolve.
“Derek… ” I sort of sang, trying to capture his attention as nicely as possible. 
“Derek.” I repeated, this time a little less quietly and a little more sharply. Still, my voice did nothing to stop the noisy stirring of his coffee. I stayed silent for a second, just in case he finally noticed I was speaking to him, but when he didn’t, I gave a concerned look to Spencer beside me as if to ask if he was seeing what I was and he returned just the same expression of confusion. 
That’s when I knew something was wrong. 
“Derek!” I said even louder, finally catching his attention. 
His head snapped in my direction, his ghost-like countenance falling away after looking directly at me. I was relieved to see proof of life had been regained behind his eyes. The abrupt reaction made me squint harder in his direction to decipher what was truly going on. “Is everything okay? You were kind of zoning out just now.” 
He sighed while rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “It’s nothing. I just had a late night last night and I didn’t go to bed till three this morning.” 
“Oh?” I asked coyly. “And what was her name?” I brought my mug to my lips to hide my growing smirk behind the rim. 
He didn’t catch on right away, which to me was more than enough evidence that he wasn’t well. He was usually the first to be aware of an innuendo, maybe even the one to be making it. “Whose name?”
“The girl that kept you up till three this morning.” I mimicked his voice in crude yet playful imitation.
To this, he shook his head and rolled his eyes with a grin. “Alright, get your pretty lil’ head out of the gutter, Kitten. I was busy fixing up a property I got down in Emporia. Lost track of time. That’s all.”
Whether or not he was hiding something more, I didn’t care anymore. He’d piqued my interest in this new topic. “Emporia? That’s like 2 or 3 hours away.” 
His eyebrows lifted in agreement. “Yeah, like I said - late night.” 
Not even trying to tempt him with my words, I simply remarked, “But I mean it can’t be that hard though, right? Fixing up the house?” 
There was no verbal response from him, only a mirthless chuckle.
I was less careful with my words than I should’ve been, letting them flow through my mouth without filtering them first. “I’m just saying, I worked with Habitat For Humanity for years. We built thousands of houses from scratch, each of them within a matter of days.” 
He sat up in his seat and leaned forward to assert himself. It was nearly the same mannerisms he would display in an interview when he wanted to maintain dominance. “Well, that’s because you got how many people working on one house?” 
When I didn’t answer, he simply tapped the table and leaned back comfortably in his seat, prematurely relishing in a self-proclaimed victory. “Yeah, exactly. Whereas, it’s just little ol’ me fixing up these properties.”
“Okay, then I’ll help you.” 
He only snickered in response, lending way for me to believe he didn’t trust that I’d provide any sort of productive assistance. 
“I will!” I insisted. “Since you’re so convinced those houses were only built as fast as they were because it was a group effort, I want to prove to you that it’s actually because I’m just a fast worker.” 
“It’s not a race, Kitten. All I said was it took me a while to fix up the house. I don’t need you to help. And I wouldn’t be paying you even if you did, by the way.”
“Oh, I’m not doing this for money,” I reasserted. “I’m doing this for pride. I know I’m right, and I want you to know it, too.” 
It’s worth mentioning that Derek and I made these kinds of bets all the time. Our friendship was practically built on the foundation of competition. The first interaction I ever had with him was when he came up to me while I was arranging my desk to ask what I thought the odds were that he could toss his paper ball into the trashcan across the bullpen. 
Years Ago . . .
“What are the chances I’ll make the shot?” I heard a deep, unfamiliar voice inquire from behind me.
“You’re aiming for the trashcan all the way over there? No way.” This voice I knew was Elle’s. She’d been the second person to introduce herself to me and if I had to guess, the deeper voice belonged to the guy I recalled sitting diagonally from her. I made eye contact with him when I initially walked in, but he hadn’t taken the time to introduce himself to me, nor I to him. He seemed a little preoccupied … making a paper ball and all. 
“Actually, if Morgan’s throw had specific arc, the trajectory of the ball would -”
“He’s not making it, Reid.” Elle cut off the small, almost mousy voice promptly, shutting down any ‘pro-Morgan-making-the-shot’ argument he was about to make. 
You could get a lot from just listening. Some might call it eavesdropping, but I like to call it being observant, and from what I’d observed 
A) The one throwing the ball was Morgan. 
B) The smart-sounding one was Reid. 
C) Reid was a proponent of Morgan, so I could assume they were close friends. 
D) There were three very distinct, very different personalities in this general vicinity of desks alone. 
“O’ ye of little faith! Gimme a break, Elle. You’re just busting my balls ‘cause Reid came to me about Lila before he came to you.” 
“That has nothing to do with the fact that I’m right.”
“No, but it means you have bias.” Derek retorted.
“Fine then. If it means that much to you to have an unbiased opinion, let’s ask someone impartial - like Anderson.”
“Actually, I have a better idea,” The deep voice said as soon as I’d placed the last item on my desk - a stack of sticky notes in the shape of a cat’s face that’d been gifted to me the moment I exited the elevator by Penelope Garcia. 
“Excuse me, Kitten,” The deep voice purred. “You think I could get this ball into that trash bin right over there?” 
It took me a second to register that he was addressing me until I realized where the nickname originated from and that it had belonged to me - I could thank Penelope for that.
“Oh, um …” I looked around the room like somehow it would have my answer. In some ways, it did. 
I made contact with Reid first. He smiled weakly at me with tender awkwardness that melted my heart a little bit. Meanwhile, Elle’s eyes were luring me to join her on the dark side and say he wouldn’t make it. To be fair, riling him up seemed like fun. I’d be on Elle’s good side, gain her approval, and if I executed my jest playfully enough, I’d be on Morgan’s good side, too.
“No shot in hell, big guy.” 
Present Time . . .
That’s how it all started - this sibling-like rivalry. Ever since then, we’ve been challenging each other like our lives depended on it. And if I had to make it my life’s mission to win this most recent bet, then so be it. 
“Alright, kitten, I’ll take you up on that offer. I’ll pick you up at 9 on Saturday.” 
We sealed the deal with a cross-table handshake, and at that moment, I hadn’t realized it - only when I thought back to it, did I notice - Reid had been watching the entire interaction unfold. Misinterpreting every painstaking second of it. 
_ _ _
Sticking true to his word, Derek had taken up my offer in spades. Not the least bit shy in delegating me each and every duty there could possibly be. 
I’ll admit, he used my pride to his advantage. Because while I was practically doing all the handy-work imaginable inside the property, he was resting on his laurels outside, probably taking up the view of rolling green hills that went on forever just beyond the front yard. 
It just so happened that that would be our maintained, respective locations for the unexpected arrival of Derek’s very first (very unhappy) guest.
I was inside painting when I heard the placid squeak of Derek getting up from his Adirondack chair on the wraparound porch. I remember peeking my head out of the doorway for a second to see if he was finally going to come inside and help me, but lo and behold, I caught him walking further away from the entrance. While I might’ve given an eye roll of annoyance at the action, I thought nothing of it. Not until I heard Derek speaking to an eerily familiar secondary voice. 
“What are you doing here?” I could hear Derek ask. My ears had perked up like a dog on high alert. 
“Don’t play dumb. You’re trying to … to -” The second voice stammered. 
“Spit it out, kid!” 
“You’re trying to steal my girl!” Whoever it was, was desperate to speak with conviction, maybe even malice, to prove some level of strength that could match Derek’s, but they tried and failed. 
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Steal your girl? What the hell are you talking about, man?” 
“You know I like her! And yet you’re just hanging out with her alone now? On one of your desolate properties? Can’t you see how suspicious that looks? You’re supposed to be my friend.” 
I’d stopped painting completely at this point so I could take asylum behind the closed door. I could place that voice anywhere, and I needed to press my ear against the only thing separating it from me to confirm what I already knew. 
“Reid, I am your friend,” And there it was. Reid? “And as your friend, I’m telling you: lower your voice unless you want her to hear you.”
“Don’t patronize me. Just tell me,” Spencer, if anything, spoke louder. Perhaps he did want me to hear him, or he simply wanted to defy Derek. “Why do you flirt with her?”
“Flirt?” Derek seemed appalled at the word. It would’ve been offensive that he was disgusted at the thought of engaging with me in that manner had I not felt the same way. What we were doing was not flirting - by any stretch of the imagination. 
“You know what I’m talking about. You call her ‘Kitten,’ you both make sexual innuendos that you think fly over my head, you invite her to come over.” 
“Slow your roll, Pretty Boy. First of all, ‘Kitten’ is just a nickname I gave her the first time we met because I didn’t know what her actual name was. You know that - you were there. Second, the sexual innuendos are just playful jabs at the fact that I sleep around. Low hanging-fruit. Third, inviting her to come over might seem suspicious, but if you walk in there right now, you’ll see that nothing is going on between us. She’s just here to help.”
I wanted any excuse to walk out there myself and announce my nearby presence. Confront Spencer and tell him I heard everything. Ask him where any of this was coming from. How he could think, for even a second, that there was something between me and Morgan. 
Turns out, I didn’t need an excuse. I had already walked out. 
Spencer gulped hard when he saw me. And for that I felt sorry for him. He looked so unlike himself. His hair was disheveled like he’d ran his fingers through it a million times out of stress. His outfit was strangely untidy, the buttons of his cuff unclasped. “Could you ... did you-”
“I heard everything,” I clarified to the dumbfounded shell of a man standing at the base of Morgan’s stairs.
It was a triangle of stares between us all. Exchanging quizzical glances in a battle of wills to see who would fold first. I was looking at Reid, Reid was looking at me, then he looked at Morgan, who looked back at him, then at me. Like I said, a triangle of stares. 
“Um ... I’ll leave you two to talk. I’ll just be inside.” 
I suppose there were worse ways to finally get Morgan off his ass and working. 
Reid trailed Morgan with his eyes, while I simply waited for the sound of the door shutting behind me. It took a few more seconds until one of us had the gall to speak.
“Did you mean what you said? About liking me?” This question that I posed went unanswered for what felt like minutes. Looking at Reid, I could tell he wanted to say something, he just didn’t know what. 
The soul was willing, but the flesh was weak. 
“If you’re not ready to admit it, that’s okay. But then why did you really come here, Spencer? To yell at Morgan for possibly making a move on me? Because now’s your chance. Make your move, Spence.” I descended the stairs, stopping to stand on the very last step so I’d hover a mere inch above him. “Make a move.” 
Make a move, he did.
Warm, clammy hands that were disproportionately bigger than the rest of his body caught my face so that unbelievably, inconceivably soft lips could make their fierce attack with no resistance. His fingers laced through my hair until his hand found the nape of my neck. He used that as leverage to pull me impossibly closer. 
When he was just one step away from sucking my soul out of me, I laid my palm on his chest and pushed him slightly backward. I think I heard him laughing when I did this, probably to hide the shame of letting himself commit so fully to the moment that he forgot just how intense his passion was. 
His eyes fluttered open and his lips were still contorted in a pucker. It took him a second, but it finally came. 
“I meant what I said,” He confessed ever so nonchalantly as though it were the easiest thing in the world to him, despite being unable to come even close to admitting it just minutes before. “I like you. A lot.” 
It was me who laughed then, both from the sheer elation hearing him say that brought me and the distant, exasperated comment that came from within the house. 
“Well, finally! It’s about damn time!” 
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* 
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eeveecryptid · 4 years
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※ SHIT YOUR LOCAL ENBY HAS HEARD: FRIENDS & FAM EDITION
a thrilling saga of shit i’ve heard over the years from friends and family, as well as some dumb shit i’ve said, myself. may include nsfw material. feel free to change names/pronouns/etc.!  more ‘shit i heard/said’ starters!
" just casually spills all your shit." "your hair is autumn, you bleed pumpkin spice." "i can’t believe you're sexually attracted to plankton." "i'm an adult, i'm the oldest person in this house.” "---yeah, you're a dinosaur.” "don't make me shake my fist at you!" "oH NO, IT WAS MORE EFFECTIVE THAN I THOUGHT!” "you wound me right in the baratiddies." "you can't threaten me, i'm not looking!" "oh no, it's jammed --- and peanut buttered!" "they know how to get to his/her heart and his/her pants." "try and keep a low profile now that you've, like-- murdered a bunch of people while protecting my food." "is that a knife in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" "I DONT CONTROL THE DICE." “i dO N' T CO N TR OL TH E E G G S.” "gIVE ME THE CLUES, BITCH." "(name), GET OUT OF MY ASS!” "don't you face at me in that tone of voice." "joey mac/(name) has a jawline for days that could cut glass." "i got possessed by (name) because i saw (name) and went ‘oh that’s a dADDY’." "don't grow up, guys, don't do it, it's not worth it.” "i don't have college, i have depression!!" "bandit and cinders snatched my heart, odd snatched my uwus, aND YELLOW AND RIVER SNATCHED MY ASS, CAN I GET AN AMEN--" "who needs pants when you're drunk as a skunk?" "cause of death: pussy." "does 'sharkboy and lavagirl' exist in the twilight universe, and if so, does everyone just look from sharkboy to jacob and just be like ‘bruh what the fuck’?” "dID YOU DRAW A D I C K ON YOUR PASTRY--" "we all need a lap to sit on, and a shoulder to cry on." "i read the second one as 'i don't steal sluts'.” "no-one's dead, nothing broke, iT'S F I NE!” "IT'S OVER ANAKIN, I HAVE THE THIGH GROUND.” “give a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.” "if you're not at least a lil’ bit gay for your friends when they get a haircut, are you really friends, though?" "that shit hURTED." "this is harder than my dick!” "songs that get white people - and (name) - turnt." "technically speaking, another term for 'sugar daddy' could be 'glucose father'.” "it's not that your mom doesn't love you, it's just that she's kind of a bitch.” "i don't like that my first thought upon pulling these dayquil pills out of the package was just 'ah yes, big and juicy'.” ". . . i heard 'big and goosey'.” "the hills are not alive with the sound of music, they're dead with the sound of me wheezing while walking uphill in the cold.” "i would've kissed bill directly on his eye mouth thing.” "hate is a special kind of love you give to people who suck.” "make sure you hang up your stocking so cupid can leave heart-shaped candy and pieces of cardstock with pictures of Cars 2(TM) characters.” "the joke flew over his/her head just like everything else because s/he's tiny." "i've had this poster for like, sixteen years--" "that's longer than i've been mentally stable." "sir, are you aware that you're a rat?" "aladdin is the real tiger king." "(name), i am begging you, you dumb fuck---" “oh god, chucky’s indian--” "hard times for covo the clown, he's just on the corner selling face masks, balloons, and crack-- oh and meth." "it's fine to eat if you're nOT A COWARD-- SALMONELLA WHOMST?" "i just want to pee, you monster, leT ME PEE!!" "don't trash the highways, trash Canada instead." "it took me almost a year, but i now know (name)’s love for graham crackers and i can exploit it." "my words go fast to make up for the fact that my tiny legs cannot." “i hate how, in my head, it just sounded like hank hill was possessed or voiced by matthew mcconaughey.” "gross encounters of the third kind, if you will."
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fi-chanwrites · 4 years
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hi ! can i request some boyfriend hc’s with tendou? feel free to include nsfw bc we do b thirsty😌💞
Ugh yesss. The love I have for this man is immense so listen up theydies and gentlethem.
Tendou Satori General Relationship Hc’s
SFW
Let’s be real, Tendou would be the sweetest boyfriend but he would let his insecurities get to him every now and again.
Like everything would be going fine and you would be happy as ever but Tendou would get into his own head. He would get really quiet and distant, he would honestly just be thinking how you could do better than him.
Please reassure him he needs it, he just wants to be liked for who he is.
Would literally steal the moon for you, would do anything to make you smile. You’ve really been wanting boba? Send him your order, he’ll pick it up before class.
Would call you sunshine. This has been my hc since I started writing and I will stick by it til the day I die.
“How was your day sunshine?”
“How’s my ray of sunshine doing?”
“I love you sunshine”
Like just IMAGINE ITTTTT
Call him baby boy when yall are cuddling.
Like he has his head in your lap, your fingers laced through his hair and he’s just sighing out because he feels so relaxed
“You sleepy baby boy?” He nods
“Yeah? You wanna come cuddle me properly and we can have a nap?”
Instead of each buying the latest copy of jump you rotate who buys it weekly and read it together in his room.
Being friends with Ushijima is a must, like the three of you hang out pretty regularly now and the awkwardness between you and his best friend is gone ( thank god for that)
Will deadass show you off to the team, is just happy to have you honestly. He was really scared that you’d either prefer one of the other player to him or that you’d not like the team at all. You managed to quell those worries however. You were more than happy to help out at practice wherever you could, pretty much just doing manager duties and taking some stress off the younger team members
Tendou can’t help but simp when he sees you comforting Goshiki after a particularly difficult practice. Like yes he was already simping but seeing you be so soft with the crying boy just added to the swell of love in his heart.
The boys are just happy to see tendou happy, everyone knows how much this smol sunshine boy has been through and all of them know how much he needs your affection.
The positive effect you have on him really is irreplaceable
Movie dates, but not to see things you’re excited about. Nah yall go watch really shitty films just so you can absolutely rip it to shreds while watching it, like yall go innnnn on these actors.
You have been kicked out the cinema for doing this in the past
CAT CAFE AND MANGA CAFE DATES. Like yall want any reason for coffee as we all know he would be addicted to caffeine. But also seeing the baby boy with cats surrounding him as he doesn’t know which one to pet first? Adorable.
Yall listen to Ke$ha together... that’s all
Make this man lunch and watch his entire face light up, like would be ready to cry at the sweetness. He’s not used to public affection so this makes his heart soar.
NSFW
Okay imma get straight into it. This man is as far from vanilla as you can get and I will not be told otherwise
Like anything he can try, that you would also want to try, he will do.
I see him as a switch but with a more Dom leaning tendency. Like he could be on the bottom and he could sub for you but more often than not, he’s the one leading the charge.
You guys safe word would probably be something dumb let’s be real but still something easy to say in the moment
... doorknob
Here it comes... it’s 2020, everyone is into choking. Tendou is no exception, like he has big ole hands... like to see what they look like wrapped around his throat.
Sensory deprivation is always fun too, likes seeing you tied up with a blindfold covering your eyes while you call out for him
And the lil surprised noises you make when he finally does something and always the cutest things to him.
So yes bondage is also this boys friend. Like not light bondage oh no nonono, full on bondage babyyyy, like spreader bars, hand cuffs, ropes covering your arms and thighs. Like the full shebang
Knife play if you’re into it, like cutting your undwear off of you and sometimes just holding the cold knife to your burning hot skin to see how you react.
Would let you peg him. No fucking cap. Like toxic masculinity has left the chat with this man, and if it makes you happy to see him under you? You best believe he’s already lying down.
Lots of praise from both parties throughout... unless you’re in the mood to be degraded.
But he wouldn’t want to be degraded, it just doesn’t sit right with him so he likes to be praised instead
Tell him how good he makes you feel and he’s doing 10x more to make you feel even better.
After care is also a really big thing for him
Would guide you over to bathroom so you could pee (NO UTI’s in this house)
Wash you off with a flannel and then lead you back over to bed so you could sleep off the fatigue.
General taglist: @hqmakkitrash @aizawa-sh0ta  @pipsqweaks  @fitriiaw @zig-zzag @dramaqueenweeb1469 @gulfwanq @badboysdoitbetter2 @tbhhaikyuu @skyguy-peach @airybby
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I usually do this in our little group chat, but this ep is looking spicy, so I thought I'd make it a post (read all the way through to watch me lose my shit and also guess the ending half way in):
9-1-1 5x06 Live React (SPOILERS)
Is this man gonna die or is he gonna kill everyone?
LUCIFER???
OH SHIT RHE RIOT
It feels premeditated, probably by Lucifer
Why do these people only wear fire masks when it's relevant to the plot?
WHAT ABOUT THEIR ESCORT???!?!
Bobby had the feeling and he was rightttttt
NO DONT SEPARATE
First rule of horror movies guys PLEASE
OH NO THESE ARE NOT YOUR ESCORTS DID NO ONE LEARN TO ASK FOR ID WTF
HOLY SHIT LUCIFER GOT OUT QND SWITCHED OUTFITS DIDN'T HE
This is the second mistaken identity issue this season, get y'all's shit together oh my GOD
Okay that angry look on Eddie's face is EVERYTHING 😍
Both of them look very good when they scowl
Eddie is already thinking five steps ahead and planning for the worst I can see it
What do you do when both your child's parents are in mortal danger?
THEY THREATENED CHRISTOPHER???!?!
Yes, fuck yes feral protective Dad Buck!!!! rest of the ep under the cut, because this is a long ass post
Ohhhhh shit Bobby got his thinking cap on
This episode is low-key terrifying ngl
Lotta stress 🥲
I stg if Eddie is taken hostage because Buck reacted more angrily at Christopher's threat then he did I'm going to lose it
THEY HAVE THEM BOTH???!!
Buck and Eddie sure have a lot of back talk in them for two people with a gun trained on them
Where's the self preservation you sassy assholes
I don't know if in more worried for Bobby and the crew stuck in the prison or Buck and Eddie rn
I like the Lil ol lady's cardigan ☺️
Oooooh Bobby's doing this run on his own??? Shit!
RAVI STEPPING UP YES BOY FUCJ YEAH
I'm so proud of him 😍
Awwwwwh hen's missing Chim
HEN'S DOING SURGERY YES GIRL GET THAT MEDICAL SHIT
THEY'RE GOING TO A HOSPITAL
WHY
AM BIG CONCERNED
WTF do they want at a hospital
Does Lucifer's ex work here???
Haha "Pretty Boy"- don't get fucking shot again pretty boy 😥
Eddie is SO calm- I love this badassery from him
Athena coming in CLUTCH!!!!
Also, Athena and Buck 😍
OH FUCK NO
THIS IS SO DUMB
EDDIE STOP ANTAGONIZING THE MAN WITH A GUN
Ooooooh shit there's a kid involved
Awwwwwh no HE'S GOT A SICK KID
Oh shit he came to give him his own heart?!?!?
Okay okay
Here's my guess:
The situation ends when Lucifer or I guess Mitchell shoots himself and so he's dead and they can use the heart immediately.
I just don't know if Eddie's going to get out of this unscathed.
Oooooh Ravi's going in!! Holy shit he is SO brave for this
BIG STRESS
Okay decision over I'm more stressed for Bobby and hen and Ravi because the other two have Athena and Athena's is going to take care of them
Jebus cripes hen is doing FULL surgery
Dr. Wilson my beloved ❤️🤩❤️
MANIFESTING RAVI BE SAFE VIBES
I'm glad they're getting out and all but can't you die because of nitrous oxide overdose???
I guess we're just going to brush right over that it's okay moving on
Oh my God they made it thank God
The situation is very easy in Buck's eyes: Kill the guy, save the kid, save his boyfriend partner
"I want you to shut up" Eddie says as if this psychopath hasn't killed several people and has a gun in his hand ready to kill Eddie also???? you go bitch 💯
Eddie is trying to actually help this guy... It's the dad in him- I wonder if he'd do the same for Chris
NO EDDIE DONT TRUST HIMMMMMM
Eddie got fucking caught up in the sentimentality of a dad giving us everything for his son and I think it's going to bite him in the ass
OH SHIT I KNEW IT I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO KILL HIMSELF I KNEW IT
Oh my God bucks face holy shit oh no baby
HE RUNS RUNS OUT TO EDDIE LIKE A MADMAN OH MY GOD
THESE FIVE SECONDS ARE GOING TO HAUNT HIM FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE BECAUSE THIS TIME BUCK'S NOT EVEN THERE TO WATCH EDDIE GET SHOT
First off, the desperation and panic in Buck's voice oh my God chef's kiss
Second, there is nothing more in the world that buck wants to do right now then make sure that Eddie is okay and Eddie tells him to run and buck does it- I love these two so much
Just noticed that firefighter boots look like clown shoes, love that for them
The heart looks like one of those Big gummy hearts you can buy on Valentine's and I can't stop giggling at it
This series is going to end with Hen being a doctor and that's when we finish I'm already in pain thinking about it
Okay first off why are buck and Eddie sitting on different sides of the waiting room but that's inconsequential
Eddie saying he's going home to see his son and then buck immediately after him like yep I will also be gone for 48 hours no specific destination in mind- yeah in my head he is fully following Eddie home, you cannot tell me otherwise
Series is making up for not giving Ravi a depressing backstory by giving him immediate trauma
And Bobby immediately pounces on that, is like that is my new son, another one for the list
Okay I don't know which doctor was in charge here but that wound is so much bigger than the teeny bitty bandage they put on his head what
Honestly every episode I love BuckTaylor more and more, she's so sweet and she's always worried about him
AND THE episode ends with an absolutely heart-meltingly adorable scene of Chris and Eddie and okay everything is fine I'm fine now that was wonderful
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lemonysharkbait · 4 years
Text
Code of the Hills
Tianshan fanfic, au set in the Ozark region of the U.S. 
“Where’s your partner Red?”Guan Shan reigned in his panic a second too late and Click ate it up with a shit eating grin. The pain when it came was delayed, one blessing of being too fucked to walk straight enough if he wanted to. Guan Shan spit a mouth full of blood straight into Click’s leering face. Guan Shan knew his eye would be swollen for a week. If he made it past tonight.
- Warnings: Drug use, violence, dirty cops, lots of cursing, angst -
Read on OA3 for more notes
Guan Shan lapped at the blood pouring from his nose. He couldn’t taste shit, not with his gums numb and Click telling him to take another bump.
“This is Grade A shit Red. Where’d you say you get it from ‘gain?”
Guan Shan took the offered bump – his third in the about fifteen minutes he had been with Click in this fucking dingy-ass laughable excuse for a backroom at the local watering hole. He hadn’t had this much coke in years and it was already fucking with him, just like Click wanted it to.
“Told you being a cop came with perks.” Guan Shan turned and hocked a wad of blood and snot onto the floor.
Click laughed and hit Guan Shan between the shoulder blades with an open-palmed slap that was just north of friendly. “Get this man a whiskey.”
“Did’n think you’d come back te this place Red.” 
Guan Shan nodded to the women who proffered him a whiskey and took a gulp.
“Ever the polite man. Sam’s got tits from here to tomorrow and you’re on better behavior than the priest during Sunday service.” Click dropped his voice “Ne’ver believed ‘em but you don’t do yourself no favors Red.”
Guan Shan sucked at his teeth. “Saving myself for Jesus.”
Click burst out into a laughing fit. “Got’ damn Red. You haven’t changed a bit.” He played with the bag of coke idly. “So you got more of this shit?”
“More and then some.” Guan Shan nodded and pulled out a cigarette. He could feel his fingers going unsteady and his words slurring, tongue refusing to cooperate. 
Click smiled and it was deadly. “Sure thing Red. Sounds like we have some stuff to talk about. Why don’t you come back with us? We’ll drive you.”
Guan Shan didn’t respond. Just lit his cigarette and let the group of good ‘ol boys half push, half pull him out of the backroom, bantering like old friends, smiling like sharks. He was manhandled out of the bar and into the dark parking lot, shoved into a truck and closed behind the thunk of American steel. 
-
He Tian sat nursing his beer. A tittering group out on a girl’s night tried to grab his attention for a little while but his best sad and broken act had them off and dancing. He was alone with those words playing through his head.
They’re gonna take me to the back. They won’t do anything at the bar so just go in a little while after me. Keep your damn head down. I mean it. No flirting, no stories, no chatting up the locals. No one can remember you were there. You need to be forgettable. Just wait and blend in. They’ll take me to Click’s place. 
Follow without them knowing. Shouldn’t be too hard, they’ll be fucked up and won’t be expecting you. Then it’s your call. I don’t know how many there will be. If you can get the situation under control, do it. But if not just leave me. Finding out where this guy is based is more important. 
They did come out, just like Guan Shan said. He Tian shrunk as best he could into the corner. Guan Shan’s copper eyes were bloodshot and he was stumbling. The group was rowdy, shoving him with a little too much joy. A cajoling on the sharp edge of vicious. A smear of blood decorated Guan Shan’s upper lip and his pupils were pinpoints.
He Tian waited until they were through the door before slipping out. He caught sight of Guan Shan being shoved into a beater pickup with truck nuts. Gritting his teeth, he willed himself to wait. It wouldn’t do Guan Shan any good to tip them off. 
The drive was easy, following the road as it dipped and rose, hemmed in by the thick woods broken only by sudden bursts of sheer white limestone breaking through at odd angles, ragged and proud. 
The moon was out and bright enough that He Tian could keep his headlights off and follow at a distance. They drove fast so it was easy to see they were turning when they slowed in a sudden tire-squealing crawl. The sides of their cars brushed the undergrowth creeping over everything.
So this was it. Asscrack of nowhere. Cicadas called out in an unending whine.
-
Guan Shan didn’t even try to catalogue where they were. He was too fucked up and anyways, Click was twitchy in a way that didn’t bode well for Guan Shan’s health.
They turned onto some hidden road and crawled through a winding path before the trucks stopped outside a meth den. The house was probably nice enough at one point. Dogs barked from somewhere and someone was yanking Guan Shan out of his seat. He was manhandled inside past a living room with a flickering TV into the kitchen. 
“Feel like home Red?”
Guan Shan grimaced. “Don’t see why you dragged me here for.”
Click laughed. “You can stop playing dumb boy. This is some goodass shit you brought me, so I’ll thank you for that little gift. But there’s no fucking way that’s what you came out here all the way into the goddamn boones for.”
Guan Shan let one of Click’s men pull his arms behind him and zip tie them together by the wrist. He was too tired and sideways feeling. If he was going to get the shit kicked out of him anyways he might as well cooperate enough to prolong the inevitable. 
“See’in as you aren’t saying nothing I’m gonna go out on a big-ass limb and say you agree?” Click said.
Guan Shan didn’t respond.
Click grunted out a laugh and kicked a metal chair over to Guan Shan. “Take a seat Red.”
With a hard stare fixed on Click, Guan Shan set his jaw and sat slowly.
“That’s a good boy. I didn’t think you’d go so easy. You’re either a complete dumbass or you have a death wish.” Click turned to the one guy who had followed them in, a big motherfucker bulked up from beers and red meat. “Tape ‘im down.” 
The brute grabbed a roll of duct tape off the gritty counter and dutifully taped each leg to a leg of the chair and ran a few around Guan Shan’s chest and the chair back for good measure. The rip of duct tape and a whining light filled a tense silence. 
It had been too long since he’d said something, but it was so hard to form words. The world swam and Guan Shan’s heart beat uncomfortably hard in his chest, urged to flutter faster than hummingbird wings by uppers that felt worse than one too many cups of coffee. 
Click walked forward and leaned in close, the smell of stale cigarettes hitting Guan Shan’s nostrils like a mule kick to the chest.
“Where’s your partner Red?” 
Guan Shan reigned in his panic a second too late and Click ate it up with a shit eating grin.
The pain when it came was delayed, one blessing of being too fucked to walk straight enough if he wanted to. Guan Shan spit a mouth full of blood straight into Click’s learing face. Guan Shan knew his eye would be swollen for a week. If he made it past tonight.
“Oh there it is. There’s our red-headed devil.” Click hacked out a deep laugh that turned into a coughing fit as he wiped the blood off his face with a black paisley handkerchief. Guan Shan glared as best he could and Click just leaned against the counter and lit a cigarette. Silence settled in.
“Bum me a square.” The words came gravely out of Guan Shan’s mouth but he was satisfied that his voice didn’t waver.
Click just laughed again, “I ain’t sitt’en here holding a smoke for you.”
“Gimme another bump then.”
Click’s expression turned sour. “You wanna be high for this Red? You’re a little shit, you know that? ‘Course you know that.” Click leaned forward. “You didn’ think we’d figure out you was with the DEA because you’re,” Click punctuated his words with a well-placed kick, “a dumbass,” another heel kick, the leather of his boots catching the ridges of Guan Shan’s ribs, “‘lil shit.” There was a special type of venom in the last word and the final kick that punctuated it was straight to Guan Shan’s gut.
Whatever was left in Guan Shan’s stomach came up onto the yellowing linoleum floor. The metal chair squealed halfway across the kitchen with the kicks.
Click looked pissed. “You can sing now or later, I don’t give a fuck Red. But we’re gonna get every little bit of information out of your dumb ass about why the fuckin’ DEA is out in the fuckin’ boones bothern’ us good folk.” Click placed his lit cigarette between his lips, nubby yellow crack teeth showing for a moment before he folded his arms and grimaced. “But first we have some other business.” 
Click’s gaze flicked up to the mountain of a man that had been idly standing by like he was at a particularly boring church service. Guan Shan’s heart sank.
“Go out there and find ‘im.” 
Guan Shan was knee deep into his next lie before he could think about it too hard, stemming panic from working its way in. 
“Fuck off Click. I knew you’d be cautious but this is fuck’in overkill. That coke’s real, how’d you think I get it? Ask the DEA all polite-like? Fuck-off man. It’s just you ‘in me and you’re sending Brick House here out there to crash around in the dark chasing after shadows. You’ve been hitt’in the pipe too hard. Melt’n you’re brain and shit.”
Click seemed to consider Guan Shan for a moment and his tall lackey hung between leaving and staying, waiting for the verdict.   
“So you admittin’ you’re with the DEA Red?” He took a deep inhale of his cigarette, the cherry lighting up with an audible crackling sound.
“Yeah. How’d you think I get this stuff? We busted couple hundred pounds of the shit I brought you tonight. And no one checks on it after it’s been logged. Everyone in that department is dipp’in into the shit we grab. Usually just for recreational purposes. But I can get you set up with a ‘lil bit here and there. Weed. Crack. Coke. Party pills. We get the big hauls ‘cause we go after the distributors. And there’s extra in it for you if you can give me some tips every once ‘n awhile.” 
Guan Shan wasn’t surprised by the fist that connected with his face. He was really gonna look like shit once all this was through. 
“You got’ damn motherfucker!” Click fisted his shirt, dragging him and the metal chair forward with a horrendous squeal against the floor.
“Did you just ask me to become an informant for the fucking cops? After everything I’ve done for you Red? Gave you a fuck’in home? Took you in? Then you go dissapear’n and we think you’re dead.” Click was really yelling now, his spit spraying over Guan Shan’s face. “We spilled blood over you Red. And then you show up fifteen-fucking years later looking like the day you disappeared and you have the fuckin’ balls to just think you gonna be welcome back here? You’re dead to us, Red.” 
Click turned to mountain man. “Find his fucking partner. He’s lurk’in out there somewhere in the woods.”
“Wait, no, Click I’ll tell you whatever the fuck you want but if he’s out there he’s just look’in for me. He don’ know nothin and it’s not gonna help you much to have to deal with two of us. You’re gon’ have a harder time covern’ up two miss’in people. He ain’t even from around here and you know who they’ll start com’in after first.” 
“Oh I know alright,” Click growled and brought his knee up hard into Guan Shan “I know ‘cause you’re here and we seen you come into town.”
Guan Shan was spluttering for breath, gasping, winded as he remembered the fucking truck stop. He Tian kissing him in the beat up Toyota and Guan Shan unwilling to push him off. Static of a station on the radio going in and out and crumpled chip bags crunching as He Tian leaned over the armrest. 
Click stilled and Guan Shan lost the thread. Click had flicked open a knife large enough to skin a deer but before Guan Shan could tense the knife was cutting him free from the chair and Click was hauling Guan Shan to his feet.
The knife was back into Click’s pocket before Guan Shan could process what the hell was happening and he shoved roughly out onto the front porch. Moths and June bugs flew through the muggy air outside, circling the porch light. Guan Shan heard the cold click of Click’s gun as he cocked it and pressed the cool metal to the side of Guan Shan’s head. 
“Come on out ‘for I splatter your partner’s brains all over my porch.” Click yelled the words into the darkness beyond the porch.
Guan Shan squeezed his eyes shut and grit his teeth. Keep to the plan. Keep to the plan. Start your mother fucking car and get out of here. Get out of here. 
His prayers were in vain though. He Tian emerged into the porch light silently, hands up.
It had been quiet, which was good. Most of the group had broken off to go party somewhere or pick up more beer and drugs, obviously bored by having their night of partying cut short. That left Click with another giant of a man inside. Easy. He just had to wait for the right moment to get Guan Shan the fuck out of there. 
He Tian made a loop of the house, quietly checking if the back door was unlocked or if any windows were open. The house was locked up but again, it wouldn’t be a problem. He just had to wait for one of them to come out for a smoke or grab something from their car. 
It was too risky to just break in. He Tian settled in and listened. His fingers itched for a cigarette. He could hear the muffled voice of Click talking. That was good too. Hopefully that’s all they were doing, talking. 
He Tian’s first indication that things had gone south was the sound of metal squealing and Click yelling. Someone grunted and retched, a wet splattering sound punctuated by coughs and gasps. He Tian saw red. Breath. Breath. Stay calm and wait. You’ll put him in more danger if you break in now. 
He Tian wanted to move, adrenaline beating a tattoo against his veins. He was shaking with it. He Tian dug his nails against his palm, trying to distract his body from the need to move. It was a beat too late when he noticed things had gone quiet. 
The front door burst open and He Tian almost bolted for the assholes right then and there. Guan Shan was a bloody mess, barely able to stand up. His eyes were already swelling, purple bruises forming shapes Rorschach would be proud of. His dark shirt was wet with blood and the thin skin above his eyes was split and still flowing. 
But despite how much he wanted to raise his own gun and fill these fuckers with enough lead to down an elephant, he couldn’t take the chance. Not with Click pressing the muzzle of agun into Guan Shan’s bloody temple.
“Come on out ‘for I splatter your partner’s brains all over my porch.” 
He Tian walked out with his hands up. Guan Shan made a noise somewhere between anger and despair. 
He had one chance at this. One chance before the mountain of a man next to Click got to He Tian, patted him down, took his gun and then hauled He Tian inside to share in a few miserable hours as a punching bag before becoming catfish food.
“There you are pretty boy.”
He Tian showed concern, fear, anxiety. Let them mask his face. Let them make Click think he was safe.
“Din’ think I would have such a fun night! Your partner here is a fuck’in dumbass. That’s it,  nice and slow.”
He Tian kept eye contact and suddenly, with enough slipping to seem real, tripped. And there it was. With the sudden movement Click reacted before thinking, swinging his gun from Guan Shan to He Tian. 
The rest was a blur of instinct and a prayer. He Tian rolled and pulled his gun, aimed and fired. 
It was over fast. Guan Shan stood stock still, trying not to pull Click one way or the other. It was only after Click slumped down and the mountain man crumpled did Guan Shan realize he was splattered in blood that wasn’t his. 
It didn’t matter though because He Tian was there, his hands all over Guan Shan. A quick flick of a knife and Guan Shans hands were free. 
“You shouldn’t have done that.” 
He Tian didn’t respond, simply went about checking Guan Shan over, pulling his shirt up and grimacing at the damage splayed across Guan Shan’s body, head bowed. Guan Shan could feel He Tian’s hands shaking where they balled up in his shirt. 
“Hey, hey, come on. Let’s get out of here.” 
He Tian’s jaw clenched. “You said they wouldn’t do anything.” 
“Well I might have under calculated a few things.” 
“A few–” He Tian shuddered, cutting himself off and Guan Shan’s world swooped for a second as He Tian swung him into a bridal carry headed for the car.
“I can carry myself, hey!” He Tian had Guan Shan in the car and was around and in the driver’s seat in one swift motion. It started up on the first try and He Tian was peeling out of the gravel lot and hurtling down the dirt road. 
“Whoah, whoah, He Tian, where’s the fire? Slow the fuck down, we still gotta stay low.” 
He Tian slammed the car to the stop. His knuckles were white around the steering wheel. 
“Is it your first time? You know, doing that.” The words came out as a raspy wheeze and Guan Shan winced. He definitely had a cracked rib. 
“Yes, sweetheart, it’s my first time dragging you as a bloody pulp out from a meth house where two motherfucking shit stains were ready to carve you up for entertainment.” 
Guan Shan didn’t know why he suddenly felt like fighting but he dug his heels in. “It was our only way in, and now we know Click’s not the one who’s been mixing up the fake pain pills that have been killin’ people.”
A muscle jumped in He Tian’s jaw. The truck lurched forward. “We’re going to the hospital.”
“No we fuckin’ ain’t! Get your head on straight, He Tian, we’ve got a good half hour before the rest of Click’s ‘lil possy comes back from wherever they’ve been gettin fucked up, finds two cold bodies in the dirt and finds me not there and puts two an’ two together.” Guan Shan reached for the cigarettes He Tian kept in the cup holder. “What we’re doin’ is going back to our hotel, packin’ up our shit fast as we can, gettin’ back in this truck and driving as far away from this god forsaken place as we can.”
He Tian didn’t respond. Muggy summer air whipped around them through the open windows.
They rolled into town and Guan Shan relaxed when He Tian turned towards the motel.
“Stay here.” He Tian was out of the truck and headed into the motel before Guan Shan could say anything. He slumped into the seat and lit another cigarette. 
Back on the road, orange street lights blurred by as He Tian pushed 100 down the highway. Guan Shan was crashing hard, his whole body ached and he knew tomorrow would be worse. He lit another cigarette, too tired to do anything else, too wired to sleep. 
“You’re quitting this case.” He Tian’s voice barely rose above the hum of the car hurtling down the highway. 
“I’m not talkin’ ‘bout this right now.” 
“They could of killed you.” 
“Yeah, and they coulda killed you too. I told you this isn’t like the city. The hills have their own code and these people live by it. Ain’t anyone coming to help hill folk.”
He Tian snagged the pack of cigarettes, depositing them out of reach in his car door. “So you’ve got to, is that it?”
Guan Shan grunted. “I don’t know He Tian. I just know people are dying and I have connections here and I’m gonna use them so we can stop the son of a bitch who’s been poisoning people.”
The cover of night slipped from around them, the first hints of dawn lightening the sky. 
Guan Shan was somewhere between waking and fever dreams when He Tian spoke again.
“So what’s our next move.” 
Guan Shan cracked his left eye open, the right one was too swollen to see out of. 
“You’re sticking along with this thing? You ‘don seem like you like it much.” 
He Tian snorted as though it was obvious. “I just killed two men, Guan Shan, I should think it’s obvious that I’m in this thing.” 
Guan Shan closed his eye and hummed. “We’re headed in deep then, to a place where the rest of the world doesn’t exist. Where we’ll be alone. You ready for that?” 
“Lead the way Red.”
-
I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments, questions- tell me what you think!
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teacup-baphomet · 4 years
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G/t Drabble (Crash landed on a hostile planet trope but NOT via the a tiny vulnerable human in a planet of mean powerful alien bigs route)
tw: a bit of censored cursing. Uh. I’m not sure what else. Maybe broaching of sensitive tops such as sexuality and religion. But not really. Mostly it’s just rlly dumb word play/lame humor and a confused alien being confused (and kinda freaked/troubled due to the confusion? you’ll see if you read it i guess). there is some sad lorg boi times. idk. no romantic relationships. just a shaky friendship is forming between a crash-landed big-arse alien (a human! *gasp*  i woulda never guessed something as vile as that o: ) and one of the much smaller, very much not human locals. most want to kill the poor dude who got stuck on this planet of hostile lil guys who think he’s a monster and immediately decide they much off him asap. so like having this one ally is kinda important to him. But it’s hard. because. lots reasons rlly. culture differences. the language tech can only do so much. the size diff creates definite issues because trust is hard in general. and trusting a big being that could easily cause havoc on your planet mostly just cuz he /seems/ nice is not a very good foundation... there is much to learn between the two before they can be truly good frens. so uh good luck to them lol *raises glass* I mean. I don’t think I’ll ever write these two again. but I’m sure they’ll end up good friends. probably.
Anyway without further adieu, here have a disappointment (read: attempt to be creative but i’m kinda lazy tbh and still kinda bitter I can’t draw for more than like 10 minutes before I start spacing out :/ )
"We are called humans or the scientific name is homo sapiens" spoke the large alien, Lyle.
"Homo sapiens? That is rather long, is it not? Why is a "scientific name" even a thing? Why would that be necessary? Scientific name versus what kinda name? Emotional name? Why are these science names two words? Seems annoying. What is wrong with just calling yourselves simply homos? Or something else just as nice and concise. Straight to the point if you will. Probably. I... Uh.. I obviously don't know what exactly is the purpose of a scientific name as i already implied... Sooo..." The much shorter – and much scalier- native being (called Torrynts) awkwardly looked off the side to stare at the plain, blank, siding of their dilapidated, isolated house as if it were the most interesting thing in the entire vicinity. Which it wasn’t of course. There was a f***ing alien 15 times their size only a few them-sized lengths way…
 Lyle gave his new comrade – and only friend on this gawdforsaken planet that mostly wants him dead- th pondering, and possibly ironically, rather colourfully scaled Torrynt by the name of Kyvlar a bemused look, bordering on coy.
"Huh. 'Straight' to the point you say?" He paused with a small snort. "Well, my not-so-statuesque friend, do I got news for you~"
Kyvlar suddenly blanched, giving a Lyle a look that was like a knife to the heart while blurting out. "Wait, wait, wait! Hold up! We? There are more than one of you? Here? On this planet? Were you just a distraction the whole time. Oh... Oh no.... Have we really been victim a secret homo invasion this whole time! I-"
 Their panicked monologue was interrupted by a most horrendous noise. Like a slowly dying tornado with the hiccups or something.
"STOP. Stop I-I can't. I can't. This is too much much!" Spoke Lyle with his hand covering the bottom half of his  and his eyes scrunched shut.
 'Welp,' thought the Torrynt, 'This is the end. This is when I die. I should have known better than to immediately put my trust in such an enormous obviously dangerous specimen. Ho-'
 Kyvlar’s dramatic internal speech was interrupted when the alien surprised them by uncovering the his face, revealing a huge grin. ‘They weren't upset? Huh?’ The Torrynt blinked owlishly at the human in confusion.
 "Sh*t, bite-size (Kyvlar noticeably paled at the impromptu nickname not 100% the foreign joking tone, well it would have been noticeable to someone their size at least), I know you don't mean to, context-wise, but you reminded me of my great aunt Karen when my Uncle Todd and Uncle Copper decide to have their friends over along with relatives for a gatherin'."
Plastering on a faux distraught look and blatantly mocking tone, he  continue with exaggerated hand gestures. "Oh no, it's the...the...," he paused with snort, "... the homo invasion... No, no, no... Not here... not in this... this good, Christian neighborhood. Aren't just two of them enough? Oh woe is me!" The alien dropped the mocking tone and smirked towards the smaller being. "Heh. Good ol' great aunt Karen could never remember Uncle Todd was Jewish and so was the majority of that neighborhood.... It’s where my Uncle Todd was raised actually…"
 The said smaller being just stared blankly at the homo-no-human they supposed as just “homo” meant something else, they weren’t sure what else, beyond just something else.
 "Uhhm. Wh-what? U-Uhm, so what exactly is “homo” then? And what’s Christian? And Jewish too. What’s that? Are... Are those other types of -uh- intelligent, sentient creatures on your planet? Y-you know, b-beside hom-er-h-humans? Or are these subtypes of humans? What kinda are you? What is a great aunt? or Uncle? Does the great indicate a larger size? Oh gawd, a-aren't you humans b-big enough regularly? Oh... W-wait. O-or are you a great- uhm- great aunt, was it? E-er, g-great something? Ohhh. Zyntall (Torrynt swear). I'm sooo confused r-right now... " The timid tiny being, sighed in frustration before their eyes snapped open wide in a panic, and they did an immediate one-eighty with their behavior, and it was off all their previously trust, as wavering as it was, vanished in an instant, squeaking out a quick "sorry. oh, Z-zyntall... I'm so-so-sooo sorry. I-I hope I d-didn't offend y-you or anyth-thing... p-please, oh please, don't hurt me" while gazing everywhere except towards the much larger alien, hoping desperately the 'bite-size' nickname was just a bad joke...
 Clearly they not only didn't get what so hilarious about the whole thing but also thought he was a monster prone to violence – still. Lyle sighed, all the mirth that was previously in his expression draining out of him leaving him with an uncomfortable grimace on their face. How disappointing... They really wish there was another human here to share in the jesting. But alas, that was not meant to be. At least as far as they knew there was no "homo invasion" in the making. Lyle wasn’t naïve. He knew humans were easy to slip into a gray moral state, at best. The role of villains at worst. And many of his kind would likely take advantage of a planet full of tiny, vulnerable people. Lyle couldn’t help but inwardly cringe at the thought, getting nervous about something that wasn’t an issue. At least now. Currently, human-wise, it was just him on this distant planet. And as far as he knew, no one - well, no other human at least- had any clue where they were. It probably just seemed he simply disappeared. Never to be seen again most likely. Trapped on this random alien planet in scenario that is akin to some sort of a personal hell of sorts.
'Wow. Hello, major depressive episode that’s making me overly dramatic. I haven't seen you since I was - what - eighteen?' thought Lyle regretfully. Calling this planet a personal hell was probably a bit over the top. But still, he couldn’t even seem to keep the trust of his single native ally. It only adds to his feelings of lonely isolation. And he feared his lonely angst will only get worse and worse. But only time will tell.
Giving a small sigh, he mentally prepped himself to try and get back his small friend’s trust. At least he was able to laugh for a wee bit earlier. It had been so long since he had done such. It was nice. Hopefully next time it will not lead to a backtracking in his attempted friendly ships with an open local, or even worse, a hostile local. The little laser guns that native being had stung like a b*tch. It reminded him when he got bit a couple times by some fire ants during a vacation as a child.
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So yeah these were rando improvised characters made on the spot.
But Lyle is a guy (he/him. He’d be chill with they/them too)
And Kyvlar is… a Torrynt. So like they/them I guess. Torrynts don’t have genders. Like at all. I guess they hermaphroditic (intersex if talking by human terms but not really as they are capable of reproduction and they aren’t human so… I dunno… Not even sure if hermaphrodite is a useful term. As idk if hermaphroditic animals, in nature, are capable of reproduction… I don’t think so? But I’m not sure tbh…). There is no variants like there are with human “sex”. And male/female concepts are 200+% foreign to these wee reptile-like aliens (albeit warm-blooded minded, so perhaps more draconian than reptilian idk. Also aliens being described as reptilian gives me hives due to a conspiracy theory that is like super bigoted actually n’ stuff. Very yikes. Don’t want to talk it about it rlly…). Their reaction would def be “wtf. That’s the weirdest sh*t ever” to such a thought as male n female binary dynamics & whatnot. No exceptions. They’d be like why a lot of you guys limiting yourself because of whether or not you are a potential offspring vessel or not. I don’t understand.
So Yeah. Uh. Anyways.
Their conversation about this prolly (or close to this):
Lyle: Hi. I’m Lyle. Just some random dude form Earth I guess.
Kyvlar: a random dude what?
Lyle: uh. I’m a dude. I guess I meant that I’m a boy though dudes don’t really have to be boys I think. But not to derail too much… Yeah. I’m a man/guy/boy/brosef, whatever you wanna call the male gender. Please not by brosef actually, heh. Anyway. Yep. A boy. That is what I am. Uh. How about you. I can just tell… you ….you have uhm two legs. Oh damn. Wait. That sounded so stupid. I wouldn’t assume your gender or anything. I just… You don’t look exactly human so..uh. UGH. Nevermind. I don’t even know where I was going with that... Heh. ANYWAY, so yeah what’s your gender is what I’m trying to say. Sorry I’m awkward as f***. I’m not used to socializing much. Been doing deep space sh** on my own for a few years now and.. uh.. yeahhhh….
Kyvlar: *stares blankly*
Lyle: Uh. Yeah. So. A Gender? Do you, uhm, have one? Or…????
Kyvlar: Uh. I think so? I mean I’m mostly a day-by-day I’ll figure it out then type but I, I really want be able to fix my home up. I want to learn to cook. Kinda suck at it now. Uhm. I guess… Uh. I should probably help you get on good terms with my people so they stop trying to kill you. You seem nice n’ stuff… so yeah. There’s that. I could use a little more purpose in my life. Not to-
Lyle: wait. Huh? What are you talking about? Are you talking about an agenda?
Kyvlar: Yes????
Lyle: *snorts* I didn’t say an agenda. I said a gender. As in A. Gen. Durr. Like are male or female or maybe something off the typical binary track??
Kyvlar: Uh. Er. Huh??? I, I’m so confused right now…
Lyle: Hooo boy. I’m so not prepared for this discussion at all.
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One of these days I’m gonna have a character that’s silver-tongue and smooth af and not some bumbling awkward doofus (*cough* like I am *cough*).
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kendrixtermina · 4 years
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The Abyss NPC are such a trove of gold for additional worldbuilding tbh 
Everything about the Pagan Lady who I assume is Dagdan breaks my heart
That poor NPC whose family was somehow massacred by nobles “People with crests do whatever they like no one stops them least of all the church”
Mr. Backup died during the timeskip :( But Abysskeeper ends up marrying his older sister in VW and SS
Rodrigue paid for reestablishing the monastery town, even giving money to the ppl in abyss & generally seems to. I guess you see where Dimitri gets that charitable mindset from. Yuri also notes that he’s remarkably uncorruptible. 
Abysskeeper is originally from Derdriu. It#s fun how a lot of his CF and AM dialogue is exactly the same but in different context XD - apart from of course the rodrigue line, and the time Hubert sends a soldier to do some mission there
When you go save Fhirdiad Constance is pretty glad to save the ppl from the school of sorcery and is glad to find them mostly unharmed
Yuri goes into some detail of events right preceding Byleth’s return in AM where the villages near the fronts weren’t sure wether to think of the guy massacring random imperial soldiers as a serial killer or a folk hero
Balthus apparently had a friendly brawl with Dimitri at some point (I guess continuing the tedency of the recruitees in aM to mention having personally interacted with him, at the very least Leonie and Caspar also get lines like that)
Apparently Yuri’s mom got sick sometime during the timeskip (at least in the AM timeline) so he couldn’t evacuate her from Faerghus. 
Constance like Ferdinand, Lorenz & Lysithea is one of those ppl who remember Edelgard in a semi-positive light after her defeat. Kudos to you!
Balthus suspects where Claude ran off to. Well, he was kinda sent there to snoop on him to begin with XD
He never had any hope for the Parlay
Apparently Yuri does have a habit of praying, he’s not like a strooong believer and can’t recite the scriptures much but it’s a habit he picked up from his mom, I guess he would be one of those ‘culturally religious’ people
I just love how Yuri had additional observations on nearly everything like... nothing gets past him. 
Meanwhile in the CF timeline, Balthus apparently thinks Edelgard is hot (which earns him a death glare from Byleth) and thinks the whole Black Eagle strike force should go have a beer to celebrate Byleth’s return since they’re all old enough now and Byleth’s no longer supposed to babysit them
I love how Hubert just flat out takes over Abyss and integrates poor overworked Yuri into his spy networkXD . Hence why Hapi feels he deserves a definite article.  Well, Hubert appreciates how good he is. The mission was to try & convince the Alliance lords to fold so like El & co were actively attempting diplomacy until the end
On CF you see a very omnious NPC who suddenly dissapears if talked to (probably Agarthan) who complains about “that prince being no good” - Did they offer Dimitri their support when they noticed they were definitely losing control of Edelgard? If so he seems to have rebuffed em. It’s a very cryptic line and I can’t rly make heads or tails of it, but, if he wouldn’t sell Rhea out to Edelgard he probably wouldn’t do it for someone even worse no matter what they promised him. 
Apparently in the VW timeline Hapi is a big fan of Judith
Balthus is proud that little Hilda has become an A list schemer
Hearing Claude’s plan makes constance a bit self-conscious about her own being more past-focussed, she’s been out-bolded
Hapi doesn’t know much about Almyra but reflects on how there are many marginalized minority groups in Fodlan including ppl from Isolated communities like her own
Yuri finds the plan a bit lofty & idealistic for his tastes, and also reckless,  but he realizes that he’s got no leg to stand on when it comes to being more noble than he lets on, and that maybe a lil bit of recklessness are what these times need
Oh, once the secret’s out Hapi concludes that there probably would have been war one way or another with the slitherers having everything infiltrated, edelgard or no edelgard
Balthus mentions that Holst wasn’t at Shambhalla because he was “working out things with the Almyrans” and suggest that they warn him about the slitherers lest they sabotage the diplomacy
Apparently Hapi meditates! This comes up cause she trying not to freak out about Nemesis
“People sait it was the church who kept order but actually Yuri’s the one keeping us from complete chaos”
Apparently it was Hapi who kept the surface bandit population from flattening Abyss
Apparently in VW it’s Judith who gave supplies to Abyss (In Rodrigue’s place)
Seems like despite Hapi’s worries they kinda fare best on CF though (”Things have been pretty ok” vs “We lost some ppl”)
Abyss Resident: “I used to be an important person in the church but Im exiled for embezzling. It wasn’t out of greed tho my hometown was pillaged and the church wasn’t putting in enough to rebuild” Tell me again that Rhea cares about the little guy
One of the random rogues from Abyss is from the kingdom, claims to be a distant descendant of Fraldarius the Elite and finds “poetic justice” in taking down the empire under Claude. 
Another reaaaaly juicy tidbit is that rogue with another message from Hubert, telling Byleth to bring Rhea with them when they go to Shambhalla. Ensuing that Rhea and Thales would destroy each other.  And reaaaly adds to my conviction that Edelgard and Hubert basically did everyone a huge solid and no one noticed. Well, actually in Verdant wind they Do notice eventually; Its the left hand fighting the right cause everyone has triust issues galore
I didn’t think my love of Hubert could increase further
I always wondered, hm, were they expecting Rhea to self-destruct? Did Claude deliberately plan for it? But I never had enough evidence. especially for team Empire. But I mean Edelgard started this whole war cause Rhea is a danger so, while I get keeping her alive cause the slitherers want her for experiments, why not slit her throat as soon as the imperial palace is surrounded? Why have Hubert return her alive, to win the other faction’s trust? Not their style.
Though the random rogue also says that “Rhea was kept alive as insurance” against the slitherers. 
So it WAS part of the plan. I always did have that feeling, but, I never knew how to articulate it logically and not just intuitively. 
Of course if Byleth went and told Claude about this, Claude’s decision is also clear because he’s not dumb enough to think the empire would care for Rhea’s wellbeing out of the goodness of their heart
Though ultimately she insists on coming along for her own reasons anyways wether Claude is there or not, for plain ol’ revenge. 
Also while reading through the scrpits I realize that I never clicked the “Do you hope [Rhea] is dead?” option when Claude explains his plan. That actually nets you support points and he’s like... “Daangerous question friend”. Really Claude is not “the chill/nice one” he’s so much more interesting than that and I love him
Also I love how the NPCs get different outfits depending on the route! I wish there had been more route-specific aesthetic touches
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inexhaustiblywild · 4 years
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Hello folks!
So, in the grand tradition of my people, I am here to celebrate the people that made my life infinitely better, colourful, and all the more happier.
I am not doing this in any particular order, I just want to celebrate all my friends here and say a few heartfelt words and let you guys know while the year was less than appreciative to all of us, I think you guys were some of the best parts of it.
@codenamepinetree: so according to this you were the first person to follow this blog when I made the move and honestly that move was a great idea. I was super shy about it at first but I think we have grown into a pretty comfortable (at least in writing) relationship. Sadly I am still a bit of an awkward bean on the chat but that’s Cricket for you. I love Jackal, he’s so infuriating to Ernessa and you gave us a story of corruption, twisted love, and you let me explore her years in the military which I almost never get to do.
Outside of our threads you are a great friend and I know I can call on you with any crazy plot ideas I may stumble on my way through the day. I see such great potential in our crazies and our muses. Hope this new year will bring out the best for you!!!
@ericbrandonrp: you are actually my oldest mutual here, staying with me for over three blog changes so far and I feel like I owe you a lot for making me feel welcomed in this community of OC’s and you gave Ernessa and I a great story of love and betrayal. I know our activity has a bit dwindled and that’s mostly my fault. I shall remedy that as soon as I can. Tho regardless of activity I consider you a great friend.
as for Eric I love him, he is such an awkward fellow with very good intentions towards his loved ones. I love his enthusiasm, how he embraces new things and experiences. I wish Ernessa was kinder to him but heartbreaks do make great stories I suppose.
@seesgood: just like your url you see the good in everyone and I think many would agree with me when I say you are one of the pillars of this community, you spread positivity, joy, and love to us all even when we feel down. I see you rally for people, and I cried to you myself several times about how this community made me feel at times. It is because of you that I still have this blog, because of you that I didn’t pack my shit and moved on. Both of us love you so much. If you ever need anything call me.
I don’t know how to explain Caroline without letting Ernessa take control cause as far as she is concerned Caroline is her everything. She is warmth on a cold day as she’d put it. I think Ernessa loves her selflessness so much, her desire to be loved, her insecurities and vulnerabilities which Ernessa will protect or fight with her life. She is the kind of a woman someone should write sonnets about and you made me a stan for life. Both for you and for Caroline. We love you!
@quiisquiliae: hello friendo, the year is almost over and I send you and my lil dude all the love! In my heart you will always have a special place for being the person who introduced me to the glory that is dragon age and since then I have played that dumb game three times and loved every moment of it. Sadly, we didn’t get a lot of threads out this year, such is life, but I enjoy our every chat and the stupid banter our muses get up to. You and your crazy trash boys are a must in this community.
I don’t know which one of your boys I should shout out for because they are all garbage and I love them. (It’s in the name people!) Writing with you is some of the most fun I had, and I think I will give this spot to Tal because in the end his enthusiasm about stabbing people is what this holiday is all about. Tal is a mess, a hot mess but a mess. A hero that someone should have probably left home, but he’s now stuck with it. He is fun, he is stabby, and he has colourful ideas on how to hurt people. 10/10 would recommend.
@anditsxsorrows: I think you were the most surprising friend of the year. When I moved blogs I didn’t think you’d have any interest in me. Idk why but I’ve always been a bit shy around you and didn’t think you’d have much for lil ol’ me but boy was I wrong. You are a welcoming, open minded, and over all such a lovely person. Each time we write you kill me with how good it is. I wait for it and the anticipation of it is great but the BAM the real thing knocks me out every single time. You are quickly becoming one of my go-tos in terms of plotting and other shenanigans.
Klaus is exactly like what Ernessa is. They are from the same soul or star, or idk. I am not as good as them in terms of poetry and talking nice. But they are certainly something. Klaus’ love of art and the immediate acceptance he showed to Ernessa is something neither of is will forget. She is so in love dude, like it’s such a terrible idea to get them together because imagine the death toll alone but I love them. I love Klaus and how pretentious he is sometimes, and how he shows great kindness to Ernessa. Klaus is not a good person by any stretch of imagination, but he is an amazing friend and a lover (at least to her and that’s all that matters.).
@fvk-destiny: I have been thinking and this year certainly wouldn’t have been as good without you or Lambert. I am still getting to know you but what I see is something I admire. You have been a wonderful friend to me so far and I see you interact with others and that only cements my good opinion of you. I am looking forward to knowing you more outside of rp. You certainly have been one of the highlights of this year.
Lambert is one of my favourite muses to write with because honestly, I can see him as I read it. I am an avid fan of the third game, and I loved him ever since he decided to go on a homicidal rampage for his fallen friend. We stan Lambert in this house. Then as the story progressed, I loved him more. Then you took all these things I loved about him and made it into something much more compelling, and deep, and you gave him the story he deserves. I read him and all I want to do is give him a hug. Also I command him for letting a random woman off the street to just barge into his business and start ordering him about. I can’t wait to see what else we can create with him! To many more years of story telling and friendships!
@mxuntainlion: so, I found you through Lambert and what I find it has been! You took a little-known character and run with him. That requires imagination, dedication, and a lot of love. I always admire people who can take characters like Aiden and make them whole. You gave him an incredible story, and I love that me and my girl get to be a part of that story in some little way. Talking to you off rp has also been a delight, though I worry sometimes about these things I am really happy to gather my courage and now I consider you a friend. This year has been shit for so many reasons, but you and Aiden made it a little less horrible.
In terms of story in canon we don’t know much about Aiden but then here you are giving him this amazing and heart-breaking love story, make him this sassy, snarky and confident character. I know that next time I play the game that mission is gonna be so much more emotional because you made Aiden a real person. Ernessa is imprinted on him like a little duckling, she needs a big brother, she needs someone that she can prank her favourite cousin with. Idk she seems to adore him, and they make a very lovely adventuring company. I can’t wait to see their stories develop.
@humilemvatis: I remember feeling a bit hesitant to approach you because I am a potato but then you were so easy to talk to! I think I’ve been bugging you ever since. You took a unique approach to Jaskier and while you kept all the things that made us love him, you gave us even more reasons to love him! I think you are a very talented story teller and I am sure your bard would side with me on this. I followed you at the start of December and within that time you have been an amazing friend and source of inspiration.
Jaskier, I sincerely apologise for everything Ernessa says and does and will say and do. Their thread is still in it’s stages of infancy, but I can tell it has the potential to go some unexpected places. I love this Jaskier you have, his immortality, his inability to see his own worth and value at times. He needs a good soup as my grandma would say. I love him so much already and Ernessa’s appreciation of him is genuine tho she admits she judged him too quickly at first glance. She’ll remedy that soon!!!
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thevioletjones · 5 years
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The Ian & Mickey Show
Week 9
Timestamps
3:33-4:54 - Ian wakes up hugging a pillow, presumably missing Mickey’s absent body. There’s a loud rumbling and an embarrassingly clown car-ish honking outside the house waking everybody up. It’s Mickey making a grand entrance on that sweet mint green Vespa scooter, and (very horribly and stiffly) “making out” with this unfortunate looking tiny twink named Byron (they def picked the most pretentious name possible for this interloper). Mickey is for sure putting on a big show for Ian that’s like 30% revenge, 70% pettiness. At first, you would think Mickey just paid some rando to act a part for a little while, but I guess Mickey is just conning this lil guy. Mickey grabs his ass in front of Ian, boasts about the guy’s “super tight asshole,” and casually strolls past him to get into the Gallagher house, because I guess he’s still staying there. And also, Ian’s leg is broken, but we knew that, cuz Cam. {For a better scene, keep the video rolling past the 4:54 mark and ogle Jeremy Allen White naked in the shower. It was his turn this week I guess. You’re safe, Cam.}
6:37-8:20 - Ian eats breakfast with Liam & Carl, and they discuss Mickey’s being off with the other dude, and it’s clear that Ian thinks Mickey is just lashing out and once it’s out of his system, he’ll just come back. Lip and his baby mama and her crazy Trumper aunt are in the scene as well. They all concur that in Lip’s words, “Ian left Mickey at the altar,” but Ian doesn’t see it that way. He honestly thinks they were gonna get married for the wrong reason. His contradiction and ambivalence is honestly the only thing that feels realistic about all of this mess. 
13:30-14:36 - Mickey continues needling Ian very broadly and obviously about how great this Byron kid is and how much sex they’ve been having, and even implies he’s a Koch, which is silly. Mickey goes so far as to claim he’s in love with this guy (they met last night) and says he’s moving in with him. It’s dumb-o. 
18:35-20:58 - Ian somehow just now discovers that 50% of all marriages end in divorce????? That’s been true for so long now, even someone the show is now painting as kind of an idiot (but not half as big of one as Mickey is) would know that stat. It’s just more EXPOSITION. Anyway, he’s hanging out with Liam in the kitchen, and Debbie comes in. Ian tells her that: “Mickey’s a punk, and he’s decided he’s gonna fuck other people if I don’t marry him.” She says Ian’s just scared, and he should marry Mickey to make him happy, even if it does end in divorce eventually. Ian’s all, “I’m not scared,” but not even Liam believes him. Ian invites Liam to go run an errand, and they steal Trumpy Aunt’s wallet on the way out.
28:06-28:54 - OMG, small Byron has that bright Disco Overlook Hotel area rug from Ikea that I really wanted to buy some years back adorning the floor of his tiny loft. Sad face. Anyway, Mickey barges in and throws his garbage bag of crap everywhere and says he won’t share the bed, Byron needs to sleep on the floor. Says some lines about when he wants his dinner served, and how they’ll only have sex when Mickey wants to, and obviously he’ll top cuz this dude’s “basically a chick,” which is a funny line, tbh. ALSO, this pretty much proves they haven’t even actually banged, since they haven’t even discussed preferences. Lol. So yeah, Mickey is using this kid for anything and everything he can, cuz he found a big ol’ sweetie pie pushover (that’s maybe a little bit afraid of him). 
33:50-34:36 - Ian makes Liam try on engagement man-rings, because: “Mickey has freakishly small hands.” They’re at the Alibi and combing through the jewelry a shady hawker is selling. Ian buys two rings on Trumpy Aunt’s credit card. 
42:53-44:52 - I really miss Ian & Lip scenes, tbh. I used to love their brotherly friendship. Some of the old magic feels back in this scene, idk. Ian tells Lip he’s gonna go propose to Mickey. Lip asks him why, and Ian says it’s cuz he loves him, but then after a pause says that Debbie told him to. Even though Ian wants Mickey back, he also clearly wants Lip to talk him out of marriage, which he kind of does (for now). Lip says he should do it one day, after he figures out why he doesn’t want to now. 
47:06-51:10 - A genuine FOUR MINUTE scene! Ian shows up at Byron’s place (where’d he get the address tho???) and Mickey’s been hanging out there for like a handful of hours maybe, but this lil dude just wants him GONE already. Lmao. He clearly knows who Ian is and practically runs into his arms in a grateful hug, saying, “Oh, thank god, PLEASE take him back!” Ian is like wtf, and waits as this guy calls Mickey “honey” and says he has a visitor. Mickey makes another big show implying impending sexy times, grabbing at a very not into it Byron as he retreats up the stairs. Mickey seriously greets Ian like, “What’s up, bro!” I meeeean... Anyway, Ian I guess decided in transit that he’s not gonna propose, he’s just gonna say these are “promise rings” and has some line about how: “Gallaghers and marriage don’t mix well, but a Gallagher keeps his promise.” Since... when??? Like... Frank??? And... what??? Lol... Mickey’s not buying that shit either. He makes a good point about Ian not even wearing his “promise ring” on his finger, but around his neck instead (someone caught a Sex & the City rerun where Carrie carries that rock on a necklace, cuz she’s def not sure about marrying Aidan), where no one can even see it. Ian says he’s not saying “never” to marriage, and Mickey counters that he’s actually saying that he doesn’t love Mickey enough right now. And then he says he’s got Barry anyway, and Ian has to correct the name, which is a nice touch, I’ll admit. And then comes Cam’s best bit of acting on this show in like Y-E-A-R-S. I always thought he did best when he was in depressed/manic mode, and that comes through here when Ian actually gets to the heart of his real fears about committing fully to Mickey, which are of course that he doesn’t trust himself and doesn’t think Mickey should be tied to him and all his crazy bullshit. He doesn’t understand how Mickey can know for sure that he loves him. All that internalized shit is stuff I can easily actually relate to, and this is really the first 100% truly honest moment we’ve had between IxM in all of season 10. I hope we get one or two more by the end. I don’t really completely buy Mickey’s reaction being, “When you get over the ‘I’m not worthy of being loved’ shit, gimme a call,” because he is the fucking KING of not thinking he’s worthy of being loved! That's always been a huge component of who he is, and how I always write him to be, personally (always struggling to think of himself as worthy of anything good, particularly love, among many many other internal struggles, obvs). He also knows exactly how low Ian can get on his down-swings, and since we know from s5 that Mickey likes taking care of Ian, I just don’t think he’d treat him this way. I’m not saying he would give in, but we would see some softness come through. A lighter touch. Anyway, Ian looks super sad as he walks away, but then he spots Barry’s Vespa in the alleyway and gets his own bit of petty revenge (on the wrong person) by pissing in his gas tank, cuz Shameless!
Episode Tally: 8 scenes. 13 mins 10 secs.
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heartslobbf · 5 years
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no one cares about these two apart from me and the odd merlin fan, but anyways, have some percival and elyan headcanons :)
ELYAN
elyan has never said anything even vaguely serious ever. he would rather die than be Genuine and Express Emotion
will get pissed at the tavern and will just become about 2000% meaner
it’s gotten to the point that gwen just knows when he’s talking shit. he doesn’t really have any tells and yet she knows them
hates spiders. will kill them on sight
very good at telling ghost stories!!!!!!!! they’re on lil quests together and elyan just goes off the whole night about some horrific tale that freaks the others (mainly percival) the fuck out for the next two months
disaster gay, won’t flirt with anyone he actually likes, has a thing for the quiet types, is the kind of guy to silently pine for his best friend
the only reason he’s An Absolute Bitch is because, as the younger sibling, he feels inferior and craves attention in any form
despite this he would die for his friends because he loves them all very much and will beat up anyone who gives them shit
just. does not sleep. he is a crackhead functioning on maybe five minutes shut-eye???
mama’s boy
the only people he is nice to regularly are gwen and percival
he’s really into science!!! when he was still living in camelot as a kid he badgered gaius constantly about helping around and is still constantly pinching books from him to read in the middle of the night
takes great pride in beating the shit out of his friends, but mainly gwaine and arthur
big merlin emrys energy in the sense he will mock the king and he will hand him his own arse
PERCIVAL
idiot. a fucking buffoon. just a big ol’ dumb sweetie
hopeless romantic?????? 100%. a boy breathes near him and, in true gay fashion, he’s convinced they’re going to get married and grow old together in a quaint little cottage
great with kids because his big sister was basically a prodigy of babysitting and he wants to take after her as much as possible
best. hugs.
insists he doesn’t believe in violence despite literally being a knight
absolutely fucking terrified of Things That Aren’t Real and then totally unfazed in life-or-death situations
will save every spider ever from murderous aracnaphobics
he’s quite a private person and doesn’t like to get overly attached to people after losing his entire family, to the extent that he probably wouldn’t tell any of the knights much about himself for, like,,,,, years
all the same, he adores them all so much. always the first to initiate soppy bonding moments and group hugs
cries easily
he’s a BIG people pleaser. like, he just wants people to be happy and content and comfy and will go to extreme lengths to make that happen. a consequence of this is that he rarely says how he’s feeling and expresses what he wants
he and gwen have a powerful fucking friendship and i don’t care what you say okay they are both rays of sunshine who can bond over Their Love For Elyan
big fan of fairy stories!!! his sister used to tell them to him when they were kids and they have a soft spot in his heart
really hates how tall he is because he worries people are always staring at him and judging him
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tfw-no-tennis · 4 years
Text
mtmte liveblog issue 22
oooh man, its time to feel some EMOTIONS!
I'm BACK after a hiatus, which was due in part to me getting my 1st dose of the covid vaccine! woohoo!
anyways, starting here w/issue 22....we have a great cover w/thunderclash, the legend himself
oof. the covers made me forget how much I don't like the art this issue...I hate to be mean to the artists but this art style just isn't doin it for me chief
god I love this issue though. the framing device of rewind’s movie is so so fantastic
tailgate listing off all his fake awards/accomplishments....ily 
rodimus my boy, you're a prime in my heart
the ‘not a decepticon’ label for cyclonus is so much hvbhkjfbskjf
I literally wanna comment on every single panel bc I love all the characters so much but then id be here forever...that being said whirl ily sm 
hvbjdfbhsfjhdfshja BRAINSTORM ‘according to perceptor - ships genius’ hvhdkjhbfhjs ily dumb gay idiot
and then the cut to perceptor after brainstorm like, blew up his lab vjbkdsfnbksjf dude
GODDDDDD drift ‘your name...defines you. it’s your soul expressed in syllables. hm? oh, yes, sorry. it’s drift.’ GOD he’s so fucking funny. I love early story hippy drift
god I cant stop thinking about how good this whole issue would be as an animated show...like, specifically rewinds film, it would be SO FUCKING GOOOOOOD mtmte show WHEN
rewiiiiind ;_; I fuckgin love rewind god. fellow video editing enthusiast....
ohhhh rodimus being embarrassed about his big speech at the beginning of mtmte....my boy I love u so much
gjhnbgehjsrkfbjksf magnus being suspicious of rewind oh my god. magnus ily but please, look at the lil guy, he’s a good boy, most of the time
the fuckgin footage that magnus removed hbvhakjbfhskf god. wasn't that intended to be footage of magnus dancing? I love him
minibot squad.....
and here it begins, the mystery stick rung question...
poor rung oh my god he’s just trying to polish his lil spaceship and people r throwing shit at him. taking Ls as per usual it seems
hand grenade tag hvbfjksdnfbkjdf love that callback
noooo rungs ship :( 
magnus’s censorship vhbhadkjfhdbhjsakjhfn
oh man I forgot about how they met that race of Transformers But More 
the one-upsmanship hbvkajsbehfjks
whirrrrrl lmao I love whirl sm
goddddd whirl just killing that other alien and ending the 16 million yr long civil war bvkjsdbfhjjkafs so fucking much
oh god oh god the ‘are you happy’ page, I'm not emotionally equipped to handle this like, ever
but I will say I feel like it would be EVEN MORE oof if it were milne or someone drawing it bc I feel like this art style takes away from some of the impact bc the expressions aren't really that...expressive? idk how to put it
anyways. every single answer destroys me!!! like even the happy ones, like chromedome and rewind and tailgate - well, in present time, none of those three are doing so hot, so that makes this just hurt 
and rung....that is so fucking depressing. jesus. this guy is so fuckng sad, somebody get him a friend stat
and swerve...ouch. this readthru I've really noticed how much early-mtmte swerve is not-so-subtly like, crying out for help bc he’s so alone and shit. jesus 
also brainstorms response is just plain ole sad w/context, but at this point in the story without context, it just seems very foreboding lmao. I'm realizing this readthru that brainstorm is very sketchy and ominous in a particular ‘is he evil?’ mad scientist sorta way in early mtmte
and then everyone else is also just so OOF in their own unique sad ways, but I think the worst out of everyone is drift....GODDDDDD. especially considering that at this point in the story, drift is this kinda goofy hippy guy, so seeing him just sit there with his face in his hand, not even answering the question...AND knowing that shortly after this he’ll end up banished...IT FUCKING HURTS M8!
meanwhile, the more upbeat ‘quest to see rungs alt mode’ continues...with an ‘alt mode party’ vhbadkjsdfnabskjf it looks so silly with a bunch of cars just sitting around a table lmao
I cant even tell who everyone is bc they so rarely turn into cars n shit lmaoooooo 
rodimus with the bucket on his head hbvhakjbfskjf I CANT
everyone’s reactions to thunderclash...i fucking love it
the fact that TAILGATE doesn't hate him, even though we’ve seen that tailgate tends to dislike people who are universally liked/who have achieved a lot of impressive things
rodimus you petty thot vbdkjbfdjhsakjdf ily
RODIMUS IS SO FUNNYYYYYY ‘I'm not making all these sacrifices and leading these guys into battle and being inspirational - I'm not doing that because it makes me look good’ RODIMUS VBHSKJDFNBKSJF
thunderclash talking about magnus’s article on typefaces....hdbksjfsdbkjgfb bro
AND THEN MAGNUS HUGS HIM....HGBSKJFDSHFKD I CANT
POOR DRIFT bvhajkdfbhjkjsfd rodimus saying he ‘rehabilitated him’ oh my god
the whole spectralism thing...im sorry I cant get over how funny all this is vbakdjfbksjf thunderclash rlly b out here charming rodimus’s entire crew
and then ratchet comes in, calling tc ‘thunders,’ and tc immediately notices ratchets new hands (somehow) hvbkjfhbskjf truly amazing
it cracks me up that rodimus is all 😒😒 at thunderclash, even though as we come to find out, tc really IS That Perfect, and him complimenting rodimus isn't sarcasm at all lmao
AND THEYRE LOOKING FOR THE KNIGHTS OF CYBERTRON TOO HVSDHFJBSHKHDFJS OF COURSE
the vis vitalis being a life support machine spaceship is a really cool concept tho
‘rescuing some orphans from an exploding sun’ I fucking cant
evil guy: [holds a gun to thunderclash’s head] 
rodimus: :D finally something doesn't go his way!
he’s so petty I’m..........dkdjhfdabhduifadijgl
and its the aliens from earlier! oooh
GODDD I forgot that swerve used rung in mystery stick mode to SCHWACK the guy
rung casually dropping the fact that the functionists like, experimented on him...there's a lot of implications there, and that'll certainly be explored more later...
the fact that his ID card says ‘rong’ hvbhjakhdsbfakhsjfn 
oughufadkfujbsfk the circle of light throwing wrenches n shit at skids...guys cmon vbhsdjkfnslfd
the circle of light is like ‘wtf you all have trauma and a bunch of weird unhealthy coping mechanisms this is wack byeeeee’ lmao
skids calling the lost light his home is rlly sweet tho
cant believe the religious space hippy cult is being so rude about a film made by a guy who died like a week ago. unreal 
cd finally figured out how to make the pffft sound, good for him
AUGHHHHH the fact that rewind used ‘little victories’ as the title of the film and that's something that chromedome said in the video ;_; I'm fucking inconsolable 
rodimus, despite his obvious posturing for the camera during the whole issue, comes off as surprisingly genuine when he says that he hasn't thought about his own future much, but wants the crew to have a happy ending....im gonna cry
‘who knows what's around the corner?’ tailgate, PLEASE don't say that, oh my god, 
OUGHHHH GROUP SHOT 
OHHH mannnnNNNNN i love this issue SO MUCH. what a good fun emotional rollercoaster wrap-up to mtmte s1. god. 
like, this issue has it all - humor, drama, crippling sadness, intrigue, worldbuilding...it’s so excellent 
and getting to see rewind again hurts so bad but also I love him
ok quick mtmte s1 retrospective...god s1 is so fucking good. I'm gonna have to read more to say which chunk of mtmte I liked best but s1 is so fucking excellent that it might be my favorite. though its hard to pick bc there's so much good stuff later on too...whatever, the point is s1 is so so good
the plotlines and characters are fucking stellar. like I cant even believe how well Everything works, its very impressive. I cant really think of anything major that made me go ‘yeah could've done without that plotline/character’
I love how dedicated jro is to connecting everything. I've mentioned it before but basically every single moment in the series has payoff - what you initially think is just a funny moment, or a fluffy character establishment bit, ends up ALSO being an important plot point later, in some way
an example would be here w/rung and his alt mode - it just seems like a fun little B-plot for this issue, and seems to pretty neatly conclude with the reveal that rung was eventually classified as an ‘ornament’ (lmao)...but we later on get to see a lot more about this, both here and in the functionist universe 
and like, stuff like tailgate’s autobot lessons w/magnus - at first that can be seen as purely character establishment stuff, showing that magnus is a strict rule-lover and tg is a loveable try-hard good boy - but that becomes plot relevant in remain in light, with tailgate saving the day due to his knowledge of the autobot code (and its also character relevant, with magnus’s arc in remain in light). 
and I know this is like. a normal regular thing in writing, but I'm just very impressed about how cleanly jro pulls it off, and how many things he’s juggling at once, especially in early mtmte - it’s very ambitious!
and we gotta remember, this is a comic book. I've read a lot of comic books, and the quality is all over the place. a lot of writers bite off more than they can chew, and the story ends up kinda scattered as a result. 
another thing I see a lot in franchise writing like this is a lack of strong early character establishing due to the author assuming the readers are at least somewhat familiar with the characters already - which can be totally fair depending on where it is in the continuity, but other times it can come off as lazy
in mtmte, the cast is extremely well fleshed out, and not only that, the cast itself is unique in that there are a lot of relative unknowns (franchise-wise) - which I think was an absolutely brilliant move, because then jro was able to essentially create The Definitive Version of these characters - characters like swerve, brainstorm, chromedome, rewind, tailgate...mtmte is their baseline characterization, because they haven't really appeared in much else
this also allows for deviation from the franchise norms - again, a comic book classic is good writing being stifled by a need to stick to a certain status quo regard the characters, the world, the powers, relationships, etc
(I've mostly read DC comics, and some marvel, so I'm thinking superheroes w/all these comic comparisons)
so mtmte had a good recipe for genuine creativity in that the characters were relative unknowns, the plot was basically ‘space road trip,’ the status quo of ‘autobot vs decepticon war’ had been demolished throughout the entire franchise...so jro was able to take all that and run, and it turned out so fantastic
and luckily it isn't over yet! so many comics suffer from premature cancellation...and sadly mtmte/ll isn't exempt from this, as we’ll see later, but I've seen some awful ones, where comics are forced to wrap up in like 2 issues while in the middle of an arc. yikes. 
but another comic staple...one of my least favorite things about comics books in general...something that was basically responsible for driving me away from comics after reading a bunch...the dreaded crossover event
yep, even mtmte isn't immune to this unfortunate plague on the comic industry. crossover events are the absolute worst, and I'm saying this as somebody who adores crossovers (in concept more than execution usually). they SHOULD be my favorite, but unfortunately they p much always completely suck
they're essentially a ploy to get you to read the other ongoing titles, but they usually only serve to bog down whatever story you're reading to the point where you don't even wanna read that one anymore, let alone read all the other ongoings. at least, that’s been my experience 
it doesn't help that reading orders tend to be hard to find/keep track of, and that you need to go read the other series to know what's going on. I just hate it, like, I came here to read THIS series, I don't want a bunch of other series showing up too - even if I was reading two series, I wouldn't want them crossed over, because they're separate stories! augh!
I'm totally losing my focus here but my point is...crossover events suck, and mtmte unfortunately is involved in one. I have not read dark cybertron, and I'm not about to. I've heard nothing but bad things so I have no desire to inflict that upon myself 
soooo ill be reading through the tfwiki articles for those issues to give myself a better understanding of what went on - which is more than I've ever done in the past - and maybe ill even make a single post summarizing my thoughts on what I read in the wiki, lmao
but yea ill be skipping to the mtmte s2 stuff next 
phew ok I'm super tired, my vision keeps blurring out and stuff lmao. its time for bed, I probably have more thoughts but ill save them for later. for now...peace out!
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drunklander · 5 years
Text
Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander
Thoughts on Ep. 502
Watched this episode after winning Wynonna Earp trivia (fuck yeah, The Shit Tickets!) at a bar, put on by a queer af podcast, followed by going to see a queer af movie, and was all ready to get my Beauchamp fix... And it was like oh here’s a taste and a hint that we’re gonna end up in a story line similar to what we’ve already done multiple times, but now on to the menfolk.
For real though, this episode was like an OL greatest hits clip show. It had all the stuff we’ve seen before. A time traveler who wants to go home? Check. Rape PTSD? Check. A man being a dad to a kid who isn’t/might not be his? Check. That same man being the absolute worst? Check. Claire being reckless with future medicine? Check. Townsfolk questioning Claire’s medical knowledge in favor of the local Man of Importance? Check. Jamie trying to be on both sides at once? Check. A villain who seemed to have died the previous season and should have fucking stayed dead? Check.
We’ve literally seen all of this stuff before.
For a show that spent the first part of season two claiming to be a political drama and then last season claiming that they “weren’t political” I see we’re back to just leaning hard into politics that have direct parallels today.
No fucks left to give about the system Murtz is kind of my favorite Murtz. Like this dude spent his whole life living by a code and an oath and was fucked over by the system so many fucking times that he’s ready to just burn it all down. Curious to see how they walk the domestic terrorist vs. freedom fighter line with him for the rest of the season.
Got all excited about the bread title card because yay medicinal mold, but of course, the lead character was relegated to the B story.
Old timey medicine baffles me. Like the fact that bleeding someone was like a catchall remedy boggles the mind.
I feel rull bad for Mrs. Whoeverthefuck though. She tried.
Also, shit like this makes me be like, yo Claire, you sure you wanna stay here? Jamie’s really not all that and a bag of chips. But you do you, boo.
Speaking of Jamie, his hair looks really good. A thousand fruit baskets to the new wig person.
Lulz at Knox thinking the Gathering was about being loyal to king and country. Dummy.
Srsly though, Murtz Valmurtz is really getting under their skin. Is he like the *only* Regulator leader?
The convo between Knox and Jamie is literally as relevant today as it is in the 1770s. But yeah, the show IsN’t PoLiTiCaL.
The fact that fuckers think those at the bottom should be happy with their lot because “lol it could be worse” need to be punched in the face and taken out of power. Stat.
Also any time someone in power talks about civility as a reason not to rise up against injustice, I want to punch them. Because they deserve it.
I want to punch a lot of things.
This whole episode is very Les Mis, tbh.
Literalol at Claire covering dead guy’s face and not his body cavity before Bree comes in.
Aw Bree, why you gotta be a buzzkill? We were cheated of badass Doctor!Claire in S3. Let us have this.
Also, yeah, Claire, Bree’s fucking right. Which you’d think you’d know by now what with alL THE FUCKING TIMES YOU’VE BEEN CALLED A WITCH. AND NOW YOU’RE UPPING YOUR GAME TO LIKE NECROMANCY?!
Also the more she says no one will find out the more annoying it is because *clearly* someone *is* gonna find out and we’re gonna be back on the “she’s a witch!” “I’m not a witch!” “you literally have a dead guy in your closet!” merry-go-round again.
Today in most on-the-nose shots ever: How convenient that Marsali just happens to be doing some butchering right there, right then.
Petition for the show to go full Shondaland and just turn into a backwoods medical drama with Claire and Marsali, and all the others (cough the men cough) can fuck on off.
Tarring and feathering is like the old timey version of #AlwaysPunchAFascist but dialed to 11.
Oh the baggage behind Jamie saying redcoat man will someday wear his scars with honor that none of these fuckers know about...
Ok so clearly the English know that Claire’s a doctor so whenever shit hits the witchy dead dude fan, can we please have a quick resolution and not that dumb af “Claire goes to jail and of course her cellmate is a lesbian because Diana sucks at writing queer characters” nonsense?
Man Jamie is *not* subtle with this convo at the jail. Like Knox is right there and he’s just like hey buddies, I have people and we’re Scottish and y’know how we feel about protecting people vs. obeying the English.
I AM SPARTACUS FITZGIBBONS!
Aaand, naturally, the fuckwit preaching civility is the one to kill a man in cold blood. Rise up, motherfuckers. Rise up.
THANK FUCK ROGER IS A TERRIBLE SHOT BECAUSE IF THAT SQUIRREL DIED I WOULD LEGIT QUIT THE SHOW. RUN AWAY AND BE FREEEEEE YOU PRECIOUS LIL WILDERNESS FLOOFER!
Roger is, and I cannot stress this enough, the fucking worst.
He’s like look how shitty I am at being a soldier but then bitches about having to try to learn. And then he bitches about how dumb it is to shoot at squirrels as if being able to hit a squirrel wouldn’t make hitting a much larger thing, like a man who is shooting back at you, that much easier. And also, how the fuck does he think they get meat to eat? Shooting it, you twatwaffle.
And he’s like so fucking butthurt about being left behind. Like no shit, asshat. You’re bad at being in the past and have made no real effort and you whine a lot and are generally the worst. Of *course* you were left behind. Stop being emo about it and maybe actually try.
“He doesn’t respect me, Bree.” Yeah, no shit. Because you’ve done LITERALLY NOTHING to earn his respect. WHY ARE YOU SO TERRIBLE IT’S LIKE THEY’RE INTENTIONALLY TRYING TO MAKE HIM SUCK.
He also is like butthurt that his wife is a better shot than him when she gets the turkey he misses. How the fuck are we supposed to ship this. Ugh.
#BreeDeservesBetter
Oh Bree, sweetie, Jem won’t get hit by a car, but there are like eleventy million ways to die in the past. Just stick with the “you want to stay with your family” stuff.
Roger clearly doesn’t want to stay and is gonna pull a Fred and make Bree feel bad about wanting to all season, isn’t he. Fahkin’ doucherocket.
“I want to go but I’ll stay for you and look how magnanimous I am as I whine about it and make no effort to acclimate to the time.” Take your martyr card and shove it, Rog.
Shorter Jamie Fraser: “If you stand for nothing, Knox, what’ll you fall for?”
I’m already over Roger singing all the time tbh. Mostly because it reminds me that soon he won’t be able to do that anymore and we’re gonna be subjected to like half a season of him being more insufferable than he already is.
Wait, was Joan already born last episode? Or was there another time jump? Is Marsali preggers with baby #3? I lost track.
I love this scene between Claire and Marsali with my whole heart. Marsali especially.
CAN WE PLEASE JUST HAVE A WHOLE SHOW OF THESE TWO BEING ALL BADASS AND DOCTORY TOGETHER!?
Although, quick question, how fucking long is Claire planning to keep that un-embalmed body lying around in an un-refrigerated surgery/root cellar? Just curious...
Because you know someone’s gonna find it eventually and that’s gonna be a whole to do and I really need to stop being preemptively annoyed at plot lines that haven’t actually happened yet.
And with all this talk of plowshares and swords, I really am going to be singing Les Mis for days...
How long have these biddies been living on the Ridge? The fucking Leoch folks spent like a minute with Claire before they were like yep, she knows what’s up. These folks have apparently been here for months and are like loool, pass. They live in the fucking woods. You’d think they’d be more open to Claire’s brand of medicine.
Omg are they like the accidental antivaxxers of the Ridge?
#VaccinateYourFuckingKids
I mean, Bree, I think there’s some difference between Claire pretending to be a dude doc and telling folks to wash their hands and Otter Tooth.
Season 2 Claire and Otter Tooth on the other hand...
Ok so Jamie needs more men so that means next week is AHS: Beardsley Farm and then maybe (hopefully) instead of being like lol jk you can all go home, it actually goes right into the battle thing. Still not sure if they’re gonna do Roger getting hanged as the mid-season big thingy and then do the Bonnet nonsense in the back half or keep trying to do both of those at once.
Hey, Roger, pro-tip, next time you see Morag MacKenzie, maybe don’t fuCKING MAKE OUT WITH HER YOU FUCKING DUMBASS.
Claire’s totally right about how they should go back. Honestly, they should. But instead of talking with her like Claire is now with Roger, he’s just being all moody about how he’s bad at the past and wants to go back. You’re shooting yourself in the foot, broski.
Oh hey Husband the Quaker. And is that a fellow Quaker named Hunter with him? Are we gonna get Denny and Rachel this season?! Please and thank you that’d be great, I love them.
Murtz talking to his squad is full on Enjolras being like don’t worry fam, Marius will stand and fight with us. His place is there, he’ll fight with you.
The two very different but very similar ways Murtz and Jamie approach being Laird of their squads is fun to explore.
Bree lecturing Claire about changing the future by saving a few backwater hicks like Claire didn’t spend years trying to fucking change all of Scottish history is a bit rich. Like writers, we get it, you’re trying to be like oh snap, wait for the consequences of this bread!science! But like come the fuck on. We sat through all of season two.
“You’re a good dad, you know that?” Oh man, I’m getting that déjà vu about a shitty man getting kudos for being a good dad to a kid as if that negates all of his shittiness.
Oh hey, Bonnet’s back. Clearly we couldn’t have just let him die last season. Gotta drag shit on for longer than it has to. This is the [Outlander] Way.
If they were gonna keep him around as a villain, they shouldn’t have (in addition to all the other reasons) included him raping Bree. Jamie, Murtagh and Bonnet all making choices within and outside of the law to various degrees in order to make their living in the Colonies would be a really interesting contrast. But nope, gotta just go all in. BeCaUsE tHe BoOk.
Also I hate with the passion of a thousand fiery suns the Jemmy’s paternity stuff. Le sigh.
Remember in season one when the show was about Claire and she was in episodes for longer than 10 minutes?
I miss Claire.
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