#HIV Positive Datings

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Which is More Stressful, Herpes or HIV?

The diagnosis of a sexually transmitted infection (STI) can be an incredibly stressful and anxiety-provoking experience for anyone. Two of the most well-known and stigmatized STIs are herpes and HIV. While both conditions can have significant impacts on one's physical and mental health, it's worth examining which one may be more stressful to deal with.

Herpes is caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV) and manifests as painful, fluid-filled blisters or sores on the genitals, rectum, or mouth. There are two main types of herpes - HSV-1, which typically causes oral herpes (cold sores), and HSV-2, which is the more common cause of genital herpes. Herpes is a lifelong, incurable condition, with periodic outbreaks that can be triggered by stress, illness, or other factors.

The psychological impacts of a herpes diagnosis can be quite significant. Many people experience feelings of shame, guilt, and stigma due to the sexually transmitted nature of the virus. There are also concerns about disclosing one's status to current or future partners. The recurring nature of herpes outbreaks can also lead to ongoing stress and worry about when the next flare-up might occur.

However, herpes is ultimately a manageable condition. Antiviral medications can help reduce the severity and frequency of outbreaks. And while there is no cure, many people with herpes are able to have healthy, fulfilling sex lives by taking precautions and communicating openly with partners. The physical symptoms, while unpleasant, are usually not life-threatening.

In contrast, HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) is a chronic, potentially life-threatening condition that attacks the body's immune system. If left untreated, HIV can progress to AIDS (acquired immunodeficiency syndrome), which severely weakens the immune system and leaves the individual vulnerable to opportunistic infections and certain cancers.

The psychological burden of an HIV diagnosis tends to be even heavier than that of herpes. There is often intense fear, anxiety, and grief over the prospect of a shortened lifespan and the many unknowns of living with a serious, stigmatized condition. The social stigma and discrimination faced by people with HIV can also be immense, leading to further isolation and mental health challenges.

Additionally, the physical impacts of HIV/AIDS can be quite severe, including fatigue, weight loss, neurological issues, and life-threatening infections. While antiretroviral therapy (ART) has greatly improved the prognosis for people with HIV, allowing many to achieve an undetectable viral load and near-normal life expectancy, the side effects of the medications and the ongoing management of the condition can still be very stressful.

It's also important to note that the stress and anxiety associated with an HIV diagnosis can have tangible effects on one's physical health. Chronic stress can weaken the immune system and make it more difficult for the body to fight off infections. This "mind-body connection" is particularly significant for those living with a condition like HIV.

That said, it's crucial to acknowledge that the level of stress experienced can vary greatly from individual to individual, regardless of the specific STI diagnosis. Factors like personal resilience, access to quality healthcare, and levels of social support can all play a major role in how someone copes with and adapts to living with herpes or HIV.

Ultimately, while both herpes and HIV can be immensely stressful to manage, the chronic, life-threatening nature of HIV, coupled with the intense social stigma, suggests that an HIV diagnosis may be the more stressful of the two. The prospect of a shortened lifespan, the complex medical regimen, and the added burden of stigma can make the psychological impacts of HIV substantially more severe.

However, it's important not to minimize the very real stress and difficulties faced by those with herpes. And for some individuals, the uncertainty and lack of a cure for herpes may be even more distressing than the relatively predictable course of HIV with effective treatment.

while HIV may be the more inherently stressful of the two conditions, the subjective experience of stress and coping can vary greatly from person to person. Empathy, understanding, and access to quality medical and mental health support are crucial for those navigating the challenges of any sexually transmitted infection. Ultimately, the most important factor is ensuring that all individuals feel empowered, cared for, and able to manage their condition to the best of their ability.

Some tips for relieving stress for people living with herpes or HIV:

For those with herpes:

Educate yourself and others. Learn about the facts of herpes - it's a common, manageable condition that doesn't have to define you. Sharing accurate information can help reduce stigma.

Focus on self-care. Make sure to get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and engage in stress-reducing activities like meditation, yoga, or hobbies you enjoy. Taking good care of your overall health can help minimize outbreaks.

Seek counseling or Herpes support groups. Speaking with a therapist can provide a safe space to process the emotions around a herpes diagnosis. Connecting with others in similar situations can also help reduce feelings of isolation.

Disclose carefully and selectively. Only share your status with partners when you feel ready. Focus on building trust and intimacy, not just on your diagnosis. Many people with herpes go on to have fulfilling sex lives.

Reframe your mindset. Try to shift your perspective from seeing herpes as a "problem" to managing it as a chronic, manageable condition. Avoid catastrophizing, and remember that you are still the same person.

For those with HIV:

Educate yourself on treatment advances. Remind yourself that with proper medication and care, many people with HIV can achieve an undetectable viral load and near-normal life expectancy. Knowledge can help alleviate fears.

Build a strong support system. Surround yourself with trusted friends, family, or a support group who can provide emotional, practical, and social support. Feeling isolated can greatly exacerbate stress.

Prioritize mental health care. Seek out counseling, support groups, or a therapist who specializes in HIV/AIDS. Addressing anxiety, depression, or trauma is crucial for overall wellbeing.

Practice stress management techniques. In addition to self-care basics, explore methods like deep breathing, meditation, mindfulness, or creative outlets to help you cope with the ongoing stress.

Advocate for yourself. Be an active partner in your healthcare, asking questions, voicing concerns, and ensuring you receive the best possible care and support. Feeling empowered can increase resilience.

Challenge self-stigma. Work to overcome internalized shame or negative beliefs about living with HIV. Remind yourself that you are more than your diagnosis.

Ultimately, the key is to develop a multifaceted approach to managing the physical and psychological impacts of these conditions. With the right support and coping strategies, it is possible to live a fulfilling life with either herpes or HIV.

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proud to be with stds

All STDs, herpes, hiv positive singles and couples, join us for more fun

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[meewithherpes]

There's nothing wrong with falling in love and sharing your life with someone.

[herpesdatingsingles]

PositiveSingles.com, a dating and support community designed for people with Herpes, HPV, HIV/AIDS or any other STDs, was launched worldwide in 2001. The founders' vision was and is to build a special community for people with STDs and a site where members can Keep Positive, Find Love, Support & Hope!

[bethanydelleman]

People talk about Rent having problems, I'm sure it does, but rewatching it as an adult who has gotten much, much more accepting of it's content, I think it was absolutely brilliant for it's time. I grew up in a very conservative home, Rent was my first positive exposure to most of the pairings and expressions of queerness contained within and the way it exposed me was so smart.

What's amazing to me is that we have an avatar for the audience in Mark Cohen (like he's literally behind the camera), but unlike other media where he might have taken the audience by the hand and introduced them to all these people who are so different from the norm, he accepts all of them as normal without explanation. He's living with someone who has AIDS, he's friends with a gay man who is dating a drag queen, and his ex-girlfriend is bisexual, he doesn't blink at any of it. He treats his ex-girlfriend's girlfriend like any other ex's new partner, which may not seem radical now but my only other exposure to this situation was Ross on Friends and let me tell you it was not handled well.

I found the same-sex pairings uncomfortable at the time, but the writers gave me a great heterosexual couple to root for and root for them I did, even though they were a current and a former drug addict, both HIV positive, one was a sex worker (and everyone is just accepting of her being a sex worker!) Again, I was brought up very conservative, identifying with that couple was entirely new to me. These were people who I was supposed to accuse of moral failings but instead I just wanted them to find happiness. That is an accomplishment!

Also, the songs are just one banger after another. Honestly.

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[drdemonprince]

Hello! You have opened a fascinating door into kink communities I didn't even know existed. Thanks for that. I was describing some of your steamworks adventures to my partner, who works as a Disease Intervention Specialist (aka DIS, a government healthcare worker who administers free/low-cost STD testing and then attempts to track down and notify+test the recent sexual partners of any infected individuals). (He brings some INSANE stories home from work and gets to give sex ed talks at the local Christian college using a model penis that actually ejaculates--but I digress.) He was horrified by the hypothetical situation where an infected person could have blindfolded sex with an unknown number of nameless strangers. It's hard enough trying to track down partners when the patient only knew them by their Grindr username. How do you have safe sex in these situations? Some STDs can be transmitted via skin-to-skin contact even with a condom. Do venues like steamworks enforce any rules around testing/protection/etc.?

If your partner is 'horrified' by the actual sex lives of the populations he ostensibly serves I think he needs to read more from harm reductionist thinkers and queer activists from a variety of past eras and work on processing his feelings of judgement to ensure it doesn't impact his actions in that line of work.

The books and Melancholia and Moralism, Saving Our Own Lives, and Beyond Shame: Reclaiming the Abandoned History of Radical Gay Sexuality are good places to start.

If you're having anonymous or blindfolded sex in cruising spaces, one route of managing risks is to assume that every person there could be infected with STIs you do not have and to plan accordingly. Vaccines, condoms, PreP, testing, and education are just some of the tools at one's disposal, and one should always be cognizant of the risks that one is consenting to. Steamworks has sexual health educators and testers present within their space regularly, but they don't gatekeep based on serostatus, health status, drug regimen or use of protection -- doing so wouldn't be feasible and would be problematic on multiple grounds.

I don't believe the goal of a public health initiative or a life well lived is to eliminate all risk, or to regard the presence of any infection in any human body as unacceptable, but rather to empower people to make informed decisions about the level of risk they are comfortable confronting, or that is worth the numerous benefits to them.

Personally, I was in far greater danger when I didn't have access to such spaces. Cruising spaces make negotiating sexual consent far safer than privately dating and hooking up with someone, and Steamworks are vitally important queer community spaces, and for me are well worth the trade off. No one should have any illusions about this ever being an experience that they can eliminate all risk from, rather they should anticipate it and plan for it.

I think "safe sex" is an unhelpful framework to pursue because it is so binary and can't ever be guaranteed. What does safety mean? Which types of exposures do we consider to be "unsafe"? Am I unsafe if I encounter another person who, like me, has had a cold sore before, like 80% of the population? Or someone who has a strain of HPV I am vaccinated against? What about if I have an encounter with somebody with a cold? I'm "safer" being fucked by an HIV positive person who is undetectable and wearing a condom than I am having barrier free sex with a long term partner who cheats. I can't even know I'm taking a risk in the latter case; at Steamworks, I'm assuming my risk level to be on the high end and planning accordingly.

I understand that testing and tracing are important parts of public health for our populations. It was vitally important when monkeypox broke out. Maybe Steamworks should collect member emails and alert them if there was a reported transmission on a night that they visited. Though even then, there are some negative public health implications to dozens of people panicking. But there is no means of eliminating all risk entirely or tracing all human sexual behavior and I would be myself pretty horrified if there was.

[qqueenofhades]

When Hob said "I think I have been stood up", I full on expected the barkeeper to react to that as if Hob's date hasn't showed and telling him not to be worried because he has seen many couples fight and make up afterwards and is sure Hob's relationship will survive it. Like, I was genuinely so surprised when the barkeeper talked about "friends" haha

Okay okay okay okay but. I gotta say something SO IMPORTANT about this from my position as Tumblr Old and Local Queer Historian, because.... yes. And that is:

That scene takes place in 1989.

Why is that important, you say? Well, because this is the end of an entire decade of the AIDS crisis. There has been endless fearmongering and conservative attempts to paint gay men explicitly as disease-ridden degenerate pedo Threats to Your Community who might infect your children with AIDS and make them dirty homos by so much as LOOKING at them, pretty much. They are literally toxic people, they are generally shunned, nobody knows what to do and is terrified of the fact of how quickly AIDS patients usually die with no effective treatment. And oof it makes me feel Some Kinda Way for Hob, born in the middle of the Black Death and who was haunted by that shadow all his life, experiencing this as a queer man in the 1980s. Like, he almost certainly lost several friends to it at least, watched them die, probably went in there to the wards when few other people would, both because he's immortal anyway and he doesn't think it's right to leave them alone.

Anyway, in the UK, it was literally only 2 years before, in 1987, when Princess Diana opened the first dedicated AIDS unit at London Middlesex Hospital, and publicly shook hands with a man who had HIV -- which was shocking because many people still thought you could get it through casual physical contact. So while on the surface, Hob looks like your average 1980s douchebro -- he's got the brand new Porsche, the slicked back hair, the giant brick cellphone, the works -- he is still going into public to have a date with a man he is in love with, regardless of whether either of them will ever admit that or act on it. (And given how 1889 ended, if Morpheus does show up, they ARE kinda gonna have to talk about it in some way.) Hob is, in this moment, incredibly vulnerable. Emotionally and socially for sure, and if the local macho assholes clock him as a Fag, probably physically too.

So that conversation when Hob says he's been stood up is absolutely LOADED with subtext, things he isn't saying, and things the bartender understands about him and tries to support. They're British, so by nature they're not huge on talking about their feelings, but Hob says he's been stood up. He doesn't use pronouns, he doesn't say it was by a girl, and if the bartender used the word "couple," it would generally presume that he too thought Hob’s date was a girl. So he goes for the most careful, also-has-a-long-queer-history use of "friends." He implies it's more than that, but he doesn't say so or put Hob on the spot for probably dating a man, because again, it's not safe.

After that is when Hob orders a drink, and the bartender tells him that people in this country can do anything if they have money. He's trying to subtly communicate that this is a safe place and he won't judge, and Hob picks that up immediately, which is why he is so shocked to hear that the White Horse has been sold and is going to be torn down for condos. Hob is losing not just the one place he can be assured (well, until now) of meeting his Stranger, but a place that has been subtly communicated to be safe for him personally, as a queer man in 1989. That is undoubtedly part of why he immediately refuses to countenance the idea of this actually happening, buys the pub, makes giant signs, hangs out in the New Inn until Dream actually does come back, etc. So like... there is so much going on in that scene, and maybe only 25% of it can be said aloud. Which I think is absolutely critical for you younguns to understand, so. Yeah.

[gunsatthaphan]

~ Monthly BL Breakdown: January 2024 ~ 

✨ Happy February!!! 🎭

Disclaimer: ALL shows can be streamed here or here, as well as on Youtube and other platforms. For more info on where to watch what, check out this post! 

New breakdowns are coming at the end of every month - feel free to add stuff! -> previous breakdowns

What came out this month? (green = seen/currently watching)

🌟 BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank In Hen - January 2nd (Japan) 

🌟 Ossan's Love Returns - January 5th (Japan) 

🌟 Refund Love - January 7th (Thailand) 

🌟 Time The Series - January 9th (Thailand) 

🌟 Intern in My Heart (BL side couple) - January 10th (Thailand) 

🌟 Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Although I Love You, and You) - January 11th (Japan) 

🌟 Beside You (mini series) - January 11th (Thailand) 

🌟 I Wish You Love - January 21st (Thailand) 

🌟 Happy Ending - January 23rd (South Korea)

🌟 Love for Love's Sake - January 24th (South Korea)

Monthly likes/dislikes

👎🏻 I've been catching up on some KBLs from last year this month and sadly most of them were very disappointing. I put a few on my watchlist that generally had good reviews but yeah let's just say I'm glad I didn't miss anything in the last 2 years lol. The only one I liked was Love Mate, the rest was pretty much pointless. Hopefully the upcoming ones will be better 🤞🏻

New series & movie announcements

🎥 Beating Again (dance-themed, starring Kaownah K., Earth K. and others) - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Unknown - Date TBA (Taiwan)

🎥 The Book Store - Date TBA (South Korea)

🎥 Term Begins - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Mafia Prince and the Bookworm - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Black Forest - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Go Alone With Me - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Can I Love You? - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 The Shining Star - Date TBA (Vietnam)

🎥 At My Fingertips (Unintentional Love Story spinoff) - Coming May 2024 (South Korea)

🎥 Connecting To You - Date TBA (Taiwan)

🎥 The Star (movie) - Coming March 2024 (Thailand)

🎥 What's the Nong? - Date TBA (Thailand)

Other news from the BL world

❗️ Actors Mike Chinnarat, Fluke Pusit, White Nawat, Pluem Purim and Lee Thanat have left GMMTV.

❗️ After Korean actor Choo Youngwoo won an award for "Best Rookie Actor" at the recent KBS Drama Awards, he came under fire for not mentioning his participation in the BL You Make Me Dance which launched his career and earned him the award.

❗️ Actors Jin Hoeun (All Of Us are Dead), Kwon Hyuk (The New Employee), Byun Junseo (Perfect Marriage Revenge) and Nam Yoonsu (Extracurricular) have been confirmed to star in the upcoming BL Love In The Big City, which portrays the life and love of an HIV-positive gay writer.

❗️ ZeeNunew and GeminiFourth won an award respectively for "Best Thai Artists" at this year's Seoul Music Awards.

❗️ The Chinese BL Stay with Me is getting an audiobook. The series furthermore recently confirmed its second season, further details are unknown.

❗️ Over a year after its initial premiere, the Thai BL To Sir, With Love won "Popular Foreign Drama” at this years's Vietnam Face Of The Year Awards.

❗️ The Thai BL Playboyy will no longer air on youtube after the suspension of the channel due to explicit sexual content. The show will continue to exclusively air on Gagaoolala, as well as RakutenTV.

❗️ Actors EarthMix had a cameo appearance in Ossan's Love Returns; they will star in the Thai adaption of the same name later this year. Details about the production are still unknown.

❗️ MileApo (KinnPorsche) were announced to star in the upcoming series Shine. The show is an extension/spinoff of Man Suang and focuses on Khem and Chatra's story in more detail.

Upcoming series & movies for February

👉🏻 Anti Reset - February 2nd (Taiwan)

👉🏻 Perfect Proposal - February 2nd (Japan)

👉🏻 City of Stars - February 2nd (Thailand)

👉🏻 Love Syndrome: The Beginning - February 8th (Thailand)

👉🏻 Baka Pwede pa? - February 9th (Philippines)

👉🏻 1000 Years Old - February 14th (Thailand)

👉🏻 My Strawberry Film - February 16th (Japan)

👉🏻 A Secret Love - February 17th (Thailand)

👉🏻 Unknown - February 24th (Taiwan)

👉🏻 Wedding Impossible - February 26th (South Korea)

👉🏻 Kiseki Chapter 1 & Chapter 2 - February TBA (Thailand)

[pluckyredhead]

hey! if you have time, do you have any recommendations on what comics to read for a good grounding for the arrows? i know you have a roy-specific reading list, but if you have any comics recs for the family in general, or especially mia and connor, i would be forever in ur debt 💜 thanks!!

Sure! Here's a Green Arrow/Arrowfam recs list, with emphasis on Connor and Mia, in chronological order:

Green Lantern/Green Arrow: This has been collected under various names but anything with "Green Lantern/Green Arrow" in there is likely to get you what you're looking for. These are the iconic Hal/Ollie teamup stories from the 70s by Denny O'Neil and Neal Adams (originally published as Green Lantern (1960) #76-87 and #89. Ollie had been around since 1941 but it wasn't until around this time that he really developed into the character we know him as today, and this is a great introduction to that. It also contains "Snowbirds Don't Fly" and "They'll Say It'll Kill Me But They Won't Say When," the two-part Roy addiction storyline; the beginnings of Ollie's relationships with Hal and Dinah; and John Stewart's first appearance. These comics are 50 years old so they are definitely dated in many ways, but they're masterpieces and so, so beautiful to look at.

Green Arrow v1 (1983): This four issue miniseries is hard to find but I love it. It's basically what if Ollie starred in an Agatha Christie novel, and it's so fun.

The Longbow Hunters: The miniseries that created the "modern" Ollie (this was in 1987 but that's still "modern" according to comics historians). Ollie and Dinah relocate to Seattle and deal with several serial killers, including Shado. Great characterization, beautiful art. Content warning for sexual violence and torture.

Green Arrow v2 (1989): Continues on from The Longbow Hunters and runs for 137 issues. The first 80 issues are written by Mike Grell (who wrote and drew The Longbow Hunters) and they're all very solid. If you're just looking for Connor, he is introduced in #0, which comes between #90 and #91 (comics lol); he's a regular character until #100, at which point Ollie dies and Connor becomes the lead for the rest of the book. If you really just want to read about Connor, you can completely skip to #102, which is the first one he stars in properly, and just read from there. He's delightful in them and the art is solid. Content warning in that Connor's globetrotting adventures mean a lot of ethnic stereotypes and orientalism, sadly.

Green Arrow v3 (2001): This is the book where Ollie comes back. It begins with "Quiver" by Kevin Smith and Phil Hester which is my FAVORITE GA book of all time and serves up Arrowfamily in a way it's never been served before: we get Dinah, Roy, Connor, AND this story introduces Mia! This volume unfortunately gets worse as it goes along and by #60 it is hot garbage but I would recommend the following key issues:

#11-15, "Sounds of Violence," in which Connor gets shot and Ollie loves him so so so much.

#32, in which Roy and Connor bond.

#34-39, in which the Arrowfam fights the Riddler and Demons; a very good Mia story.

#43-45, in which Mia is diagnosed as HIV positive and becomes the new Speedy.

Green Arrow v I don't even know anymore, the Rebirth volume (2016): After about a decade of just unreadably horrible comics, this is very much a return to form for Ollie: he's a swashbuckler who is dating Dinah and raging against injustice again, and that's how I like him. It's not a perfect comic but it was such a breath air after so many years of crap.

Green Arrow v who knows (2023): This is the current comic and it is a shot of joy straight to my heart every single month. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

[talleyuh]

let me just say alison cameron is actually insufferable. her idea of relationships is so skewed that it actually makes her look dumb. like she cannot handle criticism on her character at all and it’s exhausting. i’m only on season 2 but if i see her continue to act like she’s the most moral person at that hospital im gonna lose my mind.

her whole thing for house was nauseating bc it’s not appropriate because he’s her boss, he’s way older than her, and it’s against hospital protocol. she takes such a huge moral stance against a father abusing his daughter, calling CPS just for the investigation to go nowhere, only to casually joke about sexually harassing house because she refused to come back to the hospital if he didn’t go out with her. i hate to be a person “if the roles were reversed” but if cameron heard about a male doctor in her position demanding his female superior to go out on a date with him so he agrees to come back to work, she would be pissed.

or when foreman wrote a paper on the same case as her and she got angry over it? she’s not the only doctor who worked on that case, he didn’t steal her thesis, and he even wrote it from a different angle than her. the closest she could get to reconciliation for an accusation like that was saying “i think we both need to apologize” even though she kept bringing the topic up at inappropriate times when asked not to and acted unprofessionally. or when foreman called her out and said they weren’t friends and they were colleagues, she started acting angry at him. i understand being hurt, but she doesn’t let anyone set boundaries.

or when she actively made the choice to not get tested for HIV for the longest time even though she’d berate house, foreman, or chase for that.

and my final example is when the lesbian couple was when she was literally about to break the law because she thought it would be wrong for one girlfriend to give up her liver if the other wanted to leave her.

cameron has a huge problem with relationships and boundaries and it definitely obstructs her judgment as a doctor. i know everyone knows the show is flawed and that’s the point, but i feel like the writing of her character could explore this issue without making her so annoying.