#Haven’t done the two hubby’s in awhile

[bunnyloveroverhere]

[starry-eyes-love]

Marriage Dynamics - Texting with Hubby

Main Masterlist Series Masterlist

Summary | Joel x F!Reader are married and share in typical cute husband and wife dynamics that can occur with texting, especially when the wife (f!reader) informs Joel of how certain sexual practices will mean he is healthier. No out-break AU.

Warnings | 18+, minors DNI, sexual references and language, reference to smut without any smut, husband & wife dynamics, flirting, daddy kink, angst (female is upset for a moment), pet names (baby, honey, sweetheart, etc.) size kink, age gap but no statements of how old, slight emoji usage.

A/N: See the backstory of these two individuals in Jan 2024 with the series titled Love Never Fails.

Texting Back and Forth with Joel Miller, your husband

You (Y): So Joel, I got a health lesson for you. They say eating pussy is considered to be organic. I know the doctor said you needed to be healthier and to try to only consume organic things. So just FYI 😏

Joel (J): Haha. I believe me coming down that beautiful throat of yours is organic too darlin'.

Y: Haha, true. God you have a filthy mouth

J: Me? No. You do sweetheart, especially when I’m shoving that fat cock down it. Your mouth feels so good when I'm in it baby.

Y: 🤤

J: Since you brought it up, does my baby need some attention? I bet that little kitty of yours needs some extra special attention today, huh?

Y: I don’t know, considering we haven't done it for 3 weeks Joel.

J:  Aw, poor baby. Is she achin’ bad honey?

Y:  Aching and throbbing Joel. Just to warn you, she may claw you hard for how desperate she is for attention 🫣

J: Why don’t you give her a little pet, huh, until daddy can help relieve it?  You gotta ease that pressure off a bit honey. 

Y:  Nope, not gonna happen.

J:  Not gonna happen, why?  When was the last time you gave her attention?

Y:  Not since we had sex last Joel.

J:  Seriously?  You telling me you haven’t fucked yourself since we fucked last?  3 weeks ago?

Y: Yes Joel

J:  Fuck baby, I fucked my fist last night in the shower when you were sleeping and at least 3 times in a week to relieve some tension cause we haven’t been able to find time in our schedules to do it together.  Mama, you gotta do something to ease that tension sweetheart.

Y:  Don’t

J:  Oh my poor baby. Don't worry, daddy will make it feel better soon. Daddy will stroke it nice for ya. That little kitty will purr so good again darlin'

Y: Jesus Joel, fuck 😩

J: What mama? Is she really needy right now? 

Y: What the fuck do you think?

J: Don’t know baby, don’t know until you tell me.  Does she need a fat cock in it? Does she want it deep and hard inside of her?

Y:  Jesus Joel

J:  Come on mama, does she want it?

Y:  Yes, yes I want it. Want it bad.

J:  There ya go honey, why didn’t you say something. Unfortunately mama, you can’t have it. Not for awhile yet.

Y: Fuck you 

J: Fuck me? Yes you will honey, tonight in our bed and hard. Now be a good girl for daddy and purr nice for me.

Y: Joel, baby…nevermind.

J: What? Tell me.

Y: 💦I want it

J: Want this? 🍆

Y: Yes

J:  Ok, baby, tonight. 

Y:  You promise?

J:  Yes I promise, later. 

3 hrs later

J: I hope you realize that your ass is in trouble tonight. Fucking A.

Y: uh, are you talking to me, your wife? 

J: Yes smartass, who else would I be talking to?

Y: I don't know who you talk to Joel.

J: Baby, I don't fuck around on you, you know that.

Y: No I don't

J: What the fuck does that mean? I ain't fucking other women. Jesus!!!

Y: Ok, hot head. Why is my ass gonna be in trouble then?

J: Just forget it

Y: You're an asshole

J: Really? Fuck off woman

Y: You texted me first ya dick, so fine. 

J: No, you sent me that pussy comment and all I've been thinking about today is it

Y: I said fine

J: Do you know how hard it is to work at a construction site with a fucking hard on?

Y: I said fine Joel!

Y: Anyways, I’m sorry 😔

J: Sorry for what? 🤨

Y: Just forget it ok…just…

J: Baby, what's wrong? Talk to me

Y: Why? You're just going to yell at me again 😭

J: Are you really crying right now or…??

Y: Jesus, yes Joel. I am actually fucking crying. God, don't be such a dick to me.

J: Hey now sugar, come on. Daddy didn't mean it. What's the matter?

Y: Don't. Just don't Joel.

J: Mama what the fuck is the matter? Come on, ya gotta talk to me honey. Want me to call you???

Y: No it's just….forget it

J: No I ain't forgetting it. Come on baby, tell me. Do you want me to come home?

Y: No Joel, it's fine.

J: Obviously not. I'm coming home

Y: Don't be stupid

J: Why, cause my wife is upset and won't talk to me. Seems like a perfectly good reason to me.

Y: Jesus Joel, I'm fucking all worked up ok. I'm worked up and it hurts, and…

J: Now I’m gonna come home.

Y: Why?

J: Why? Cause my wife is in pain and hurting and I want to make sure she feels better and ok.

Y: You’re an asshole. I'm not talking about that kind of pain.

J: Baby, I know which one you're talking about. I bet she’s throbbing hard. Is she aching to be touched by your husband?

Y: I hate you 

J: Where are you? You at home yet sugar?

Y: No. I have to leave to go and pick up the boys from school. 

J:  Why?  School doesn’t get out for almost an hour.

Y:  Yeah but I don’t want to park almost a mile away. They have construction and stuff so I want to actually find a parking space in the long ass line that probably is already there.

J: Ok, call me when you get there

Y: Why??

J: You'll see 😏

Y: Joel. Wtf??

J: There's a reason why I paid for tinted windows for the car baby. Mama's gonna fuck herself with her fingers, and her husband is gonna be the one on the phone helping her get there.

Y: You can't

J: Oh yes mama I can, and I will. Call daddy when you get there 

Y: Joel, please, you can't

J: Baby, either you call me and I hear you fucking play with yourself or I will drive there myself and fuck you in that car. It ain't gonna take us that long baby. We’re both so fucking worked up. 

Y: Why not just at home later?

J:  I may be late tonight and not in on time

Y:  Fuck you, seriously??

J:  Baby, choose which one

Y:  None

J:  Y/n! Choose!!

Y:  Fine, the one where you go fuck yourself and leave me alone

J: Fine, I’ll see you there in 20 minutes.

Y: Fine Joel, I'll fucking call you. Jesus.

J: Good girl

Y: Can I ask you a question babe?

J: 🤨

Y: Please?? 🥺 It's an innocent question.

J: Innocent my ass.  What do ya want?

Y: Can you spank my ass later daddy, I want you to and then fuck that little hole with your fingers also as you take me from behind? Please 🙏🏼

J: Fuck. Yeah. Sure. We’ll do it sometime soon when I don’t want to fall asleep right away.

Y: Well, I’ll be waiting forever then.  Damn it. 

J: It ain’t like I want it to be like that. 20 mins y/n. 20 minutes and you call me or I'm coming over there, ya hear me. 

Y:  Fine

J:  Promise?

Y:  Yes I do. I think I’ll grab my toy, since my husband ain’t gonna get in there

J:  You're trouble, I tell ya. You're gonna be the fucking death of me woman.

Y: I know, I love you 😘

J: Love ya too baby. Forever and always Angel, only you 😚💓😘

Taglist: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg @chiogarza @jesfreedark @untamedheart81 @rainbow12346 @nandan11 @swiftpascal @eliza-8 @joeldjarin @vickie5446 @nastiasnow @staywildflowahchild @ratoonstown @l3laze @its-always-420-on-the-moon @kirsteng42 

[lunawritingspaceoxoxxx]

You Right I

WARNINGS: RAPE, SEX TRAFFICKING, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, FORCED PREGNANCY, MISCARRIAGE. I WILL HAVE TRIGGERING SCENES MARKED. NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART AND MINORS, GO READ SOMETHING ELSE.

2018

“Ethan….you know this isn’t right...Ryan is waiting for me at home...it’s our…” She whimpered as his hands traveled along her curves as he teased her, kissing down her neck. “Tesoro, we both know, what you want is not him.” He nipped at her ear as he slid his hand underneath her shirt as he pulled at her lace straps. Ethan pulled off her shirt, biting his lip as marveled at her lace covered breasts. He knew that boy wasn’t treating she wanted, she wanted to be treated like a princess, worshipped and loved, but in private, Ethan made sure that Y/N was his submissive, only here for his pleasure only and she loved that, he can just say hello and she’ll come crawling to him.

Y/N let her head fall back as she watched their bodies through the mirror on the ceiling, shuddering to the sight above them. Ethan’s tongue roamed her body as he slipped his hands in the matching thong. “Pay attention to me, tesoro.” With that, he tore the flimsy material from her body, dropping the shreds as he dropped her onto the bed, “Ethan, those were expensive!” He scoffed, tossing his shirt to the side as he climbed between her legs, which she quickly tried to close them. “Ethan..” “You want me, we’ve done this multiple times already, what’s stopping you now?” “Ryan proposed to me!” Ethan stopped in his tracks, thoroughly confused as he sat back. “What do you mean by that? You’re going to marry that coglione!?” She gawked at him, hitting his leg. “He’s not a fucker! He’s kind and he’s going to treat me right!” He pinched the bridge of his nose, cursing before he climbed out, grabbing his shirt.

“...Y/N, I’ll back off, go live your little fantasy life with Ryan. I’m more so pissed off that you weren’t going to stop this, were you?” He asked, looking down at her, absolutely disgusted. “You know that I love you and I would do anything for you, but this is a slap on the face.” Y/N rolled her eyes as she grabbed her clothes, shaking her head. “Why are you making this about you? You’ve been coming onto me and-” “And you haven’t stopped me, you’ve pushed me into closets, begging me to gag you on my cock,” He hovered over her as his dark eyes locked onto hers,”screaming me for me to fuck you with an audience. You seek me out more than I do, so tell me, what are you going to do when he can’t scratch that itch you have? Finger yourself at the thought of me, using you like a cheap whore. Am I wrong?”

Y/N looked the other way, knowing the truth as she was going to speak up, her phone rang. Future Hubby. ‘Babe, where are you? We have reservations tonight at that really fancy place…’ She began to dress herself, mindlessly agreeing with whatever he was saying. “Baby, I’m sorry, I’ve just been busy with work and you know my boss is trying to promote me…” Ethan rolled his eyes as he leaned on his bed, looking through his messages as he was determined to get laid tonight. He brushed back his long, luscious locks before looking back up at Y/N, narrowing his eyes at her. “Why are you still here? Unless you want to watch me fuck some random girl.” She quickly made her exit as she rubbed her eyes, not wanting to cry for a man.

Why am I crying over a man? I should be happy that I’m getting married to someone who I could trust with all my heart. She also felt extremely guilty, her hands weren’t clean as well, but she honestly thought that this was just going to be fling between her and Ryan. He wasn’t looking for anything serious, that's what she thought too until her parents gave her an ultimatum, find a decent boy and I’ll pay for your studies abroad and 4 years later, still with Ryan, he wasn’t a bad, just little bland and vanilla for her liking. She liked men like Ethan, who wasn’t afraid of pushing boundaries and trying new things and her father obviously didn’t care for Ethan.

To him, Ethan was a manwhore and had no redeemable qualities, he was just drummer in a band who loved to fuck and he didn’t his daughter failing prey to that. She quickly took a cab to their shared apartment, sighing as she set her things down. “Love? I’m home…” She trailed off, seeing him in the living room, sipping on a glass of wine. “Why aren’t you ready yet? I thought we had reservations-” “I cancelled them, I didn’t feel like going out anymore, not after what I know.” He tossed a thick envelope onto the coffee table as he carefully watched her. “Do you want to explain this...affair that you’ve been having behind my back for sometime now.” She swallowed nervously as she shuffled on her feet. “You can’t, can you? You’re just some slutty whore, who opens their legs out for anyone, don’t you? Maybe I can use that to my advantage, pimp you out and profit off you.” She rapidly shook her head no, slowly backing up as he stood. “No, I think I will, if not, I’ll send your precious daddy, every photo and video of you being a slut.”

“You wouldn’t dare, you simultaneously fuck yourself over too! M-My father-” Ryan backhanded her, rolling his eyes as he looked down at her. He watched as she started to cry, holding herself. “Don’t feel sorry for yourself, sweetheart. You caused this, you couldn’t be satisfied with what I gave you. Now, you’re going to be daddy’s good little girl and you're going to do everything I say. Y/N’s stomach fell in horror as she could only think of the possibilities that he was going to do to her, she tried scrambling to her feet, but Ryan was faster as he grabbed her hair, yanking her up. “You’re going to do what I say and you’re going to do it with no complaints.”

Ethan sighed as he pushed some random girl off of him, climbing out of bed as he walked to the bathroom. He tied his long hair in a bun, washing his face. He was serious about not contacting her, he wanted her to choose who she wanted and not play around his feelings. “I had fun last night, we should do it again.” He narrowed his eyes at the woman, shrugging off her hands as he faced her. “I don’t even know your name and I really don’t give a fuck.” She gasped as he pushed past her, getting ready for rehearsals. Once he stepped into the studio, he sighed as Y/N wasn’t there, she hasn’t been here in the past three months. “So we’re close to releasing our first album and we need to start really focusing in and producing like it’s our last thing. We’re gonna have to be in the studio more often than not, probably pulling all nighters. That goes for you Ethan, just slow down on the groupies, I know you and Y/N are going through a rough patch, but I’m going to need you to focus.”

Ethan just nodded as he stepped into the booth, grabbing his practice drumsticks. It was obvious that he was bothered by Damiano’s comment, he knew that Damiano picked up on his feelings for her and watched him do nothing about it, loving to throw it up in his face, every single time. “Dude, why do you do that?” Thomas questioned, giving him a side look. “You always comment on Y/N, maybe he doesn’t want to hear about her. Her snobby husband always has her on his arm, anywhere they go. Why remind him that he lost a good thing?” Damiano sputtered as he tried to deny his dickish attitude towards him. “Look, I know he’s still missing Y/N, but it’s been like six weeks, almost 2 months. Is the pussy that good?” “Damiano, please stop watching American TV, let’s just start recording, before we get too distracted.” Vic pushed everyone else in, closing the door behind them.

------------------------BAD STUFF, NO READ IF UPSETTING-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Y/N, suck harder and stop using your teeth.” She flinched as she was abused by her “client” as Ryan watched, stroking himself. Ryan chuckled as he watched, licking his lips. He thought he was a genius, he preyed on her vulnerabilities and used her to where no one would believe her. “How much for her pussy?” The sleazy man croaked, reaching for her thong. “I have a suitcase for about ten thousand as a downpayment.” Ryan’s eyebrow arched up as he glanced over at the suitcase. “And if you allow me to cum in her, I’ll add another 30 thousand onto it.” Y/N looked between the two, growing nervous as she wiggled her way to the door. “...Add 20 thousand and you can do anything you want with her, just don’t kill her.” Ryan smirked as Y/N was pulled onto her face as the man forced his way inside of her. “God, her pussy feels so fucking good.” Y/N sobbed as she tried kicking him, just trying to stop this torture and the stranger shoved her face in the pillows.

Ryan sighed as his phone ranged, groaning as he answered it. “Ryan McGower, this has better be important.” “Hi, Mr. McGower, I saw your wife’s….interesting ad and I was wondering if she could handle..more extreme intercourse.” Ryan watched as she thrashed about, sobbing as she looked into his eyes. He could end this with one word, but she damaged him, what did Ethan Torchio have that he didn’t have? “Darling? Did you ever love that bastard?” Y/N gave him a confused look, shaking her head. “Who are you even talking about?” “Of course she can, I’m the one who’s training her. She can and will take everything you give her.”

She whimpered, cringing at her drenched panties, crying as she felt the man finally come inside of her. “Holy fuck, that’s some good pussy right there, I may have to come by later.” He smirked as he pulled apart her lower lips as they watched the cum slowly flow and drip out onto the floor. “She’s not on contraceptives or has that implant?” “No, I got them removed awhile back,” Y/N wanted to throw up, she quickly rushed to the bathroom, regurgitating the small breakfast that she had. She held the toilet as she silently cried, wanting this nightmare to end.

--------------------------BAD STUFF OVER-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ethan wanted to go home, this large crowd wasn’t helping his mood and he just wanted to go home and drink in the privacy of his own home. darling.y/n - last online 4 months ago Shutting his phone off as he tried to ignore that gnawing feeling that was eating at his stomach. “Dude, are you okay? You keep scaring off girls.” Thomas asked, shouted as he slipped in next to him. “Is it about Y/N?” Ethan finally had enough, wanting to scream this at the top of his lungs. “Yeah, it is, I’m in love with her and I just miss her so fucking much, she hasn’t kept in touch with me, so I don’t know if she’s doing okay. I’m just concerned because something doesn’t feel right and I can’t put it together.” Thomas blankly stared at him, shaking his head. “Dude, just go to her house, fuck her husband. What’s the worst could he do? Move halfway around the globe?”

Ethan jumped out of the taxi as he rushed to Y/N’s front door, quickly knocking on it. He started ringing the doorbell impatiently before a strange woman poked her head out the door, shaking her head no before handing him an elegant note.

For those who are wondering, the missus and I are going to our second home to celebrate our first pregnancy and we would like for any inquiries to go through our assistant before you attempt to personally contact us. If you would like to send us any baby needs, you can do so to this address.

-From the McGowers

The mysterious lady snatched it from his hands before shutting the door unlocking it, Ethan sighed as he kicked a pole, frustrated with himself. ‘A baby? Is that what she wanted, a family, we could’ve….’ He stopped as he realized that it wouldn’t have worked out, he would be traveling too much and he couldn’t ask his bandmates to accommodate a screaming baby. “Fuck that, I want to hear this out of her own words, if she’s happy, then i’m happy and i’ll call it a day.” He headed back to his apartment, dialing Damiano as he fast walked, ignoring the strange looks thrown at him. “Damiano, you have a bigger social circle than me and you probably rub elbows with rich people on a daily basis. I need you to find where Y/N’s second home is. I have a bad feeling about this.”

Damiano looked at his phone on the other line, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Mio caro amico(My dear friend), you need to let her go, she’s married now, has a husband now and she’s probably going to have a child soon. Why are you going to stop her happiness?” “Damiano, she wasn’t happy when she got married, you saw those wedding photos, she looked miserable as fuck in them.” Damiano sighed, pushing his partner off of him as he sat up. “If I help you and we find an answer, any answer whether you like it or not, we’re going to stop searching for her, okay?” “....Okay.”

[mystoryfortheaudienceoftheworld]

Morning me beauties.....wel okay I’ve been up for awhile.

Hayden has to work today, and it’s going to be so weird not having my hubby here with me.

I’m kind of just chilling and playing Uncharted 4 on the PS4.

Just super chill.

This week hasn’t been great with my goals. I haven’t done any exercise and the last two days we went out to eat so I went over my points.

Going to try and focus today with sticking to my points. Also going to clean house while Hayden is at work. Lol

[sex-storytime]

His Plaything

I hated him. I hated him. I hated how good he fucked me. I hated how good his cock filled my holes. I hated how hard he could make me cum. I hated how much I loved the way he treated me.

I fucking hated him.

But I couldn't resist him. I did what he said, when he said, where he said. He was my weak spot, my curse.

This time was no different than the others. He simply texted me "15 minutes Baby Girl". I know what that meant. He would be here in 15 minutes and fuck me senseless. He didn't care what I am doing, what my plan is. He simply didn't care any of these details. He just wanted and he sure would get. Like I said, this time, was no different. The second I read the message, my pussy started to getting wet. It needed him. It needed his cock. I needed him. I needed his cock. And to satisfy my needs I would do whatever necessary.

True to his word, after 15 minutes he was at my door. And I was greeting him in my most expensive and sexiest babydoll. I was dressed for him, knowing he didn't care what I wear for him. He just cared about my body and my holes, like a cheap Slut. And he treated me like one. And I loved this treatment. This was what I want, what I need. I craved for this. I waited patiently for weeks, sometimes for months for his call.

When he entered the house I tried to hug his neck and kiss him. But he pushed me so hard, that I lost my balance and fell on the ground. "Do you think I come here for foreplay or lovemaking? Do your job, do the only thing that you are good at Rachel!" I knew that would be his response, but nevertheless, I tried to hug and kiss him. I don't know; maybe I was trying to bond with him or my subconsciousness was helping him to humiliate me more.

Quickly I took my place before him on my knees. While he was pulling my hair, I was dutifully trying to untie his belt in order to free his cock. When I reached his semi-erect cock I eagerly started licking, sucking and stroking. In less than a couple of minutes, it has reached its full growth and ready to invade my holes. After that I slowed my pace down, savouring its taste, enjoying the feeling of it in my hands or in my mouth. I was swirling my tongue around of each ball, carefully sucking each of them. I was slow, I was enjoying the sensation of serving his cock again. Licking his shaft, gently sucking its bulbous head. I was compensating every minute I spent without it.

Suddenly, "Do you call this sucking. Suck me like you mean it!" he shouted. I was stunned. Grabbing my hair he slapped my face. "I could get my dick sucked better than this by any cheap street hooker!" he punctuated his sentence with a big spit on my face. After several slaps and spits, he pushed me to the wall. He put my hands together above my head. "I'll show you what sucking is. Open your mouth Rachel." and without waiting no more he started to fuck my mouth with all his power and rage. I was trying to keep up with his tempo. He was fast, hard and relentless. He was skull-fucking me. I was just a useless hole for him. And he acted accordingly. My head was banging against the wall, but it didn't matter to him. He just kept fucking my head with all his power.

When he stopped assaulting my mouth, I was nothing but a mess. My face was covered with tears and spits and I was disoriented from lack of air and hard fucking. But these were not his problems. He just grabbed me by my hair and threw me to the floor.

"Crawl to your bedroom Baby Girl. On your hands and knees. Like a good pet." He was right behind me. After pulling myself together swiftly I started to crawl. At the same time, I was wiggling my hips for him. I wanted to tease him. I wanted to make him hornier. So when he started to fuck me, he would FUCK me. I wanted him to fuck me to my limits. That way, after he was done with me, he would leave a broken mess behind him.

It was a dangerous and potentially destructive relationship, at least for me. It was like an addiction, consuming my soul. But I couldn't resist it. And maybe I shouldn't. I didn't know, I didn't care. All I wanted was him. Actually him fucking and humiliating me. I didn't give a shit about him as a person or his thoughts. I just wanted him to give me what I wanted. And I was desperate about do or give him whatever necessary for my needs. He knew that and actually he was kind enough to give me what I needed. I knew this was his kindness, he probably could fuck anyone, anytime he wants. He didn't need me, I was not that special for him. I was just a hole for him. A hole that he could replace anytime easily with another one.

When we finally arrived at the bedroom, "Undress me, Rachel." he commanded. I was undressing him slowly, without a rush. As much as I wanted his cock inside me at that moment, I was holding myself. I was playing with him, teasing him further. Kissing and licking his thighs, his abs and every part of his body I slowly undressed him.

He was standing fully naked before me, his cock glistening with my spit. He was like a some kind of God, waiting to be worshipped. He was my God. And I sure would worship him.

He grabbed my hair, asking "Did you dress fancy for me Rachel?"

I smiled "Yes".

"I bet it is very expensive, huh?"

"Yes, very much."

"Gooood."

And then within the blink of an eye, he tore my babydoll in two, laughing. Here, my most expensive lingerie has become a rag in seconds. This represented the value he gave me. I was nothing but a ragdoll for him. He didn't respect anything about me. Neither me nor my feelings. He treated me like shit. I was nothing for him. And I loved this. I loved this deep down in my soul.

He turned me and tied my hands behind my back with the leftovers of my babydoll. Then turning me again, he slapped me hard and pushed me to the bed. Finally, the moment I have been waiting so much was coming. He spread my legs roughly and climbed to the bed. The tip of his hard cock was at the entry of my pussy. Then with just a single stroke he was all the way in. His crotch banged to my clitoris. He was finally in me! I was so relieved. All that anticipations building up in me has satisfied at last. Without losing time he started to fuck me with long, hard thrusts.

"Fuck me. Fuck me harder. Ohhh God, thank you! Thank you, I missed this. I've missed your cock."

"Mmmm... You are such are a dirty Girl."

"Yes. Yes, I am dirty Baby Girl. I am your dirty Baby Girl, waiting for you to fuck."

"Then take my cock and put it in your pussy. I can see that you want it. Are you horny Rachel?"

"Yes, give it to me. Fuck me with all your cock. I want it all. I want to fuck my little pussy raw. Ohhh Goddd!"

I was getting what I wanted. He was fucking me with all his raw power. He was like a primal animal while fucking me. He was pumping his cock in and out of me faster.

While fucking me, he started to rub my clit with his one hand. The other one was tightening around my neck, slowly choking me. While slowly cutting my oxygen supply, his fingers on my clit fastened. I was very close to cumming. The release I have been waiting for so long is so close. So close that I knew it wasn't coming yet. He wouldn't let me cum so easily. After all these years I knew him that much. And proving me right he stopped. He stopped right when I was at the edge. I was two rubs ahead from cumming. But he knew this better than me, so he stopped. A sadistic grin appeared on his face when he saw my body whimpered in disappointment. He was playing with me and this was his favourite game. He was a master of this game. I have never, not once, been able to come without him letting me. He controls me. He controls my body, my mind and my soul. I was his play toy. And this made feel satisfied, as if like all my life I was waiting for him, waiting for him to take me, make me his toy. I was just a doll without its own will for him.

He played and fucked me for a while longer. I had lost the count of how many times that I reached the edge of an orgasm. I knew that he was not going to let me cum easily. He had to make up for the lost time. He had to tease and torment me. He had to bring me to the edge of an orgasm and leave me there, hanging. This is what he did and this is what I want him to do.

After a couple of minutes, his breathing and thrusts were quickened. He yelled, "I'm gonna flood your pussy with my seed Baby Girl."

"Please don't cum inside me. I am not on pill."

"Shut up Baby Girl! Do I look like I give a damn about what you want or what you fear? I am only here to take what I want and I want your holes, unconditionally. And I am going to take what I want. Do you understand Baby Girl?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do you fear that you get pregnant? Are you afraid of your soon-to-be-hubby?"

"No, my pussy belongs to you. Take it, do what you want. Fill it with your little swimmers. Please, I beg you. Cum inside of me. Breed me! Fill me with your seed. I belong to you. You own me. I am your Baby Girl. I am your fuck toy, human fleshlight. Fill me, pleaseeee!"

"Then take my cum Rachel!"

With that, he started to cum in my pussy. Spurt after spurt. He filled me up. It has been a long time since I felt so full. He was pumping inside me while his orgasm has been subdued. His cum leaking from my pussy lips. I was overwhelmed but haven't climaxed yet. I was patiently waiting for him to allow me to cum.

After he emptied his balls he got up from the bed and headed to the living room. "Hurry up Baby Girl. Grab me a beer."

I hurried to the kitchen, his cum slowly oozing out of my pussy lips. I made some snacks along with beer. When I entered the living room I saw that he is already sat on the armchair and watching sports. I set a small table in front of him and placed snacks and beer onto it. Also, I put a portable cooler next to his chair to hold a couple of beers cool for the coming hours. Then crawled under the table and took my place between his legs.

This was a game we play for awhile. He was sitting in there watching TV and snacking. And I sucked his dick very slowly while he was enjoying everything that offered to him. As I was under the table, he didn't see me. He didn't need to. I was just an anonymous cocksucker, a hole for him. Nothing more. Usually, this would go on a couple of hours. There was only one rule: Not make him cum unless he said so. I had to adjust my speed very carefully; fast enough to keep him interested, slow enough to not make him cum right away. Also, we had a little second rule: not to play with yourself. Focus of the game was him and his pleasure, not me. I had to remember this when I was playing. No matter how wet I got, I must not touch myself. Not for a single second!

And so we started our twisted game. Today he played the game for around 3 hours. He was watching TV and chatting with his friends on the phone like there was nothing unusual. Like there wasn't a Rachel between her legs sucking his dick for hours.

After 3 hours my chin ached, knees was sore, and every part of my body was cramped. But despite all of that, I never stopped for a rest. I couldn't dare to stop. I couldn't dare to disappoint him. I must do what he wants. I must let him use me as he likes.

When he was talking on the phone suddenly he said "Hey, Jodie so you know what I am doing now?” My heart stopped... he was talking to his ex. “I am sitting in front of TV with a beer in my hand and between my legs, yes Rachel! You known her... god yes, she has been willingly sucking my cock for hours without complaining. Yes, this is Rachel's house. Yes, she does what I like, when I like."

He was talking about me to his ex girlfriend like I wasn't in there, like I was an object, like I was a cheap whore. Actually, he was right. I was a cheap street hooker for him. His fuck toy. His Baby Girl. He had every right to call me whatever he likes and treat me every way he wants. I was his.

I was in awe of him and his casual chat... but I also felt humiliated. He has always humiliated me. Humiliation was the base concept that our so called "relationship" has been found on. But this was beyond any humiliation he subjected me to. In the past, he had talked his friends while I was sucking his cock. But this was something completely different. It crossed a critical line. He was including somebody he had himself been intimate with for the first time ever. It could be a really disastrous thing for me, considering the nature of our relationship. It was probably the beginning of something very dangerous and intoxicating.

Thinking all the possibilities, humiliations, and mind-blowing orgasms, I was so aroused. More aroused than in my all life. So I broke the second rule and touched my clit. He instantly realised this and yelled "Hands on my cock! Don't try to pleasure yourself, Rachel." I instantly pulled my hand over my clit. But he was angry. He threw the table above me. Grab my hair and began slapping me. He slapped me hard. Each slap burned my skin and there were a lot of them. When he finally gave me a break, I was disoriented and feeling dizzy.

"Bad girl! You are only good at one thing and you can't even do that properly. What should I do to you?"

I was trying to hold myself not to cry. I knew all this was a game, but this was different. With the earlier humiliation and this, something had changed. I could feel it. He took my pride, shattered into pieces in a way he never has done before. He was extending his control over me. I didn't think that was possible but he was extending it. I always thought he has absolute control over me, so how can he extend it, right? But I was beginning to see I was wrong, terribly wrong.

"My ex-girlfriend wants to talk to you, Baby Girl. I'm putting her on speaker."

"Evening sweetie. Are you two having a good time? Yeah, I think you are. Did he slap you hard? The sounds are very loud. But I think he is too rough on you. I thought you must doing well... don’t blow it. Maybe you are not the brightest girl in town, but who cares? As long as you have three holes and a will to serve, nothing matters. A willing girl like you can be trained. Also, you obviously have a high potential, considering he still fucks you after all these years. He has been fucking us both, you know? So don't worry honey, his anger will pass. But for now, I think he should fuck your mouth... you know how much he likes that. It’ll calm him down. His penis must be really hard at just the thought of it.”

It was... I watched it pulse and throb before my eyes.

So... He should face-fuck you to the point that you lose consciousness... what do you think? Yes? Good girl! Only this make him cool down. What do you say, sweetie? Do you want my man's big, delicious cock fuck your throat like there is no tomorrow? Doesn't the thought of it makes you wetter? A big dick thrusting into your mouth like a drill. Spit flowing down from your chin to your tits. Tears from your eyes ruining your makeup. You are struggling not to choke on it, but actually, there is nothing you can't do about it. You give yourself completely to his mercy. If he wants you to breathe you breathe, if not... well, good luck then. But isn't it the part you like most? Giving the control to him. Letting him do whatever he wants, to get everything he wants. Isn't it liberating? Tell me the thought of being under his control don't turn you on. Can you tell me that? Or are you wetter than ever? Do you like when he controls and dominates you? Answer me Rachel! Do you like it?"

"Yes."

"Ohh, don't be shy, girl. Be specific. Tell me what you like."

At that moment, I have lost connection with reality. My reality became her words. She hypnotised me. Actually, this was not a hypnotism. More likely it was a moment of revelation. Of course, I was aware of his effect on me, but I always thought it was about something special in him. After her speech, I realised that this was all about me. I was a born submissive and I need to be dominated, put in place. So I wouldn't object to her control over me. It was only natural.

"I like how he fucks me like a cheap Whore, how he treats me like his personal pleasure giving slut. I love it when is in charge doing what he wants without regarding what I want or like. These turn me on more than anything else in my whole life. And when he let me I get the most fucking mind-blowing orgasms."

"Well, well... Aren't you a little dirty submissive. I like you, Rachel, we are gonna have so much fun together. But first, open up your mouth and wait while he throat fucks you."

I opened my mouth submissively and he shoved his manhood down to my throat. Like she said he was fucking my mouth very hard. It was like a hate fuck. But I didn't think he was still angry, he was just for proving a point. A point that could change my life.

He was never letting me breathe, just fucking my mouth. I was trying to breathe through my nose but it didn't cut. I was choking and he didn't care a bit. I tried to push him with my hands with no luck. From lack of air I entered a semi-unconscious state. I quit struggling and left myself to his mercy. Finally, he withdrew his cock and to bring me back slapped me a couple of times. I inhaled the air into my lungs. I came from death. Like she said, he fucked to the point of consciousness.

"Wow, that was hot! All these noises..." said the voice on the phone. "Now I think it is time for him to mark your pretty face with his seed. Don't you agree with me, Rachel?"

"Yes."

"Then say it, you stupid bitch. Beg him. Earn his cum. Come on."

"Please cum on my face. I need this. Cum on my worthless face. Mark it with your seed. Make me feel like a cheap street hooker. Humiliate me. Own me. Own this stupid, useless, bimbo Rachel. Put my good for nothing body into some good use."

"Yeah bitch, you are one hell of a natural. We are going to have so much fun with you. Honey, I think finally she deserves your cum. Coat her face with thick, hot, white semen. But be careful don't let her taste your delicious cum. She doesn't earn this yet. Let it dry on her miserable face."

"If you say so my love. Here it comes, Baby Girl!"

And with that streams of hot cum erupted from his cock and landed on my face. Spurt after spurt of creamy spunk jetted from his twitching member. It was a big load, one of the biggest. It seemed that her talk didn’t just effect me... he was so aroused and still hard as the last shot spat into my eyes and hair. I didn't try to wipe it off or lick it per her instructions. I just stood there... waiting. He looked at me with lust in his eyes.

"Gotta go... Jodie... I'm going to wreck... Rachel’s ass." He said breathlessly.

"Bye then. Ruin her peachy behind my love. Brake her into pieces and leave her like that. Then come over and give me a good seeing to. I want your seed in me tonight. Love you."

Hanging up the phone he grabbed my hair and began to drag me to my bedroom. When we arrived he threw me to the bed.

"Open your ass for me Baby Girl" he ordered. I reached my back and opened my ass cheeks with my both hands waiting for him to assault my asshole. He didn't keep me waiting and using a little bit of spit as lubricant he started to invade my ass with his still hard penis. He pushed his fuck tool I to my tight, taboo hole with a slow but steady movement. When his crotch hit my ass he hissed "I love your ass Baby Girl. It is much better than hers." I felt elated! Then he started to fuck my ass... hard. I grimaced and hissed in pain and pleasure. He was lost to the passionate anal sex we were having, not caring about my needs at all... But this was what I expect from him: a good, hard ass fucking; without thinking about my pain or pleasure. This is the attractive part of these fuck sessions for me.

"Fuck my asshole! Fuck it hard! Tear it in two. Make me beg to you for stop and fuck me more. Hurt me, hurt my ass. Fill it with your seed. Fuck me till I pass out. Please... Punish me for being a bad girl. Own my ass and destroy it!"

"Rachel, you are definitely stepping up the game. Don't worry you'll get what you want and more. When I'm done with you, even you won’t recognise yourself in the mirror."

He was rough and merciless. With every thrust, he was giving all his weight on me. My head had sunk into the bed and with his hand, he pinned my head down. He was claiming my ass. Sure he fucked my ass before, but this time was different. Today everything has changed. His control and domination over me became very real. I understood it now, in my bed while he was ramming his cock into my asshole. From now on he and his seductive ex-girlfriend would control my life. My old life was gone. This was obvious. The only thing that I didn't know was how far they would go? I know that I wouldn't do absolutely anything to stop them. I was at their mercy. And this was my decision. I chose this willingly. It was my choice from the very beginning. Because this was in me. This was my nature. I was a true submissive like she said. There is nothing I can do about it. I can't fight it. I must accept and fully embrace my nature. This is the only way. And he was driving me into this way.

Suddenly he grabbed me and threw me to the floor. And started to fuck my ass from behind. My nipples were burning from rubbing the carpet, but he knew this already. He was ravishing me. He would turn me into a wreck. After a while, he was bored from this position and decided to spice things up. He flipped me into an awkward position. He folded my legs over until my knees were positioned either side of my head. My head and shoulders were on the floor, but my whole body was in the air. My holes were in front of him like on a silver plate. And it was the most difficult position I have ever tried. It was very hard to stand in this way let alone ass fucked. I would say he didn't care, but it was the very reason he chose this position. He wanted to hurt me, he wanted to turn fucking into a painful experience for me. And he was successful. From the moment he entered my ass it hurt, it hurt a lot. It was nothing like before. Every nerve ending in my whole body sending pain signals to my brain. Nevertheless, I did my best. I tried to endure the pain as much as I could do. But it was too much. Finally, I yelled out...

"Stop. Please stop. It hurts too much. I can't stand it."

"Shut up Rachel! Isn't this what you want? Next time be careful with your wishes you stupid bimbo."

He put his foot in my mouth to shut me up. He was right I wanted this. He was giving me what I want. He was like a samaritan. And he continued to fulfil my wish. He fucked me for a very long time in that way. Actually, I was not quite sure about how long as I lost my sense of time as pleasure and pain merged into one. I had never been more aroused. Heck, I lost my every sense about reality. Sex was the only thing I could feel.

When he took out his shining penis, I was a total mess. I couldn't move, I couldn't control my body. I just collapsed to the floor. He took me and made me sit in my bed on my knees. Then one hand on my hair, he started to stroke his cock. When he released his grasp I opened my mouth and swallowed his entire erection keeping eye contact with him the whole time. My head started bobbing... faster and faster as his breathing became more and more erratic. Without much warning he began twitching and his cock began to spasm at the back of my throat. Sperm jetted from the tip of his his penis and filled my mouth as I gulped it all down, not gagging once and never breaking my gaze. He looked down on me in pride but I was in a haze. I was no longer able to recognise what was going on. He was pulling my wires like I was a puppet. Actually, I was. I was his puppet. And he was my puppet master.

"Clean it, Baby Girl. I don't want to go see Jodie with cum juice all over my dick."

I cleaned his penis carefully from tip to base. I was only a filthy fuck hole and I soiled his cock. I made it squeaky clean sucking and licking every inch of it. I wouldn't risk sending him to her with any evidence of the mess he had made with me.

"Good job Baby Girl" I smiled weakly at his praise. The only thing matters was to satisfy him, proving myself worthy of him.

"Stay right there Baby Girl. Where do you put your vibrators and stuff?"

"There is a box under the bed..."

He reached down and took out the box.

"You naughty girl. You definitely have a wide collection." He said as he looked at the contents. As he shuffled through my collection of dildos, vibrators, butt plugs he nodded approvingly. He picked the thickest and longest vibrator and an accompanying dildo. He helped me to my feet and bent me over on the bed, pushing my head to the sheets. With my ass in the air he probed my now gaping asshole with the biggest toy. He slipped it into my pouting vagina, coating it with my slick juices, and then returned to my ass.

With a surprising gentleness and an equally surprising ease he pushed the vibrator into my ass. Then I gasped and held my breath as he slid dildo deep into my cunt. I felt so full... so possessed... so giddy. It gave gave me such a thrill that he was using me in this new way. I was on display and completely under his control. A jolt sent shivers through me and I shuddered as he turned the vibrator on. It was buzzing in my ass and sending new signals through my aching body.

"Hold them in place with your hands and don't move." He instructed.

I did what I was told while he returned to my box. "Here," he said cheerfully. Shit, how could I forget that? In his hands, he was holding my "special diary" which I wrote all my dirty, kinky, secret fantasies in it. Now he had it. He would learn my soul's secret desires, dark corners. There was nothing, nowhere private left for me. I was completely naked in front of him. It was the ultimate control. Now on I couldn't hide anything from him. He owns me fully. I am his property. He knows me better than me.

For a time feels like an eternity he read my diary. "Wow! That was quite a something Baby Girl. So you fantasise about being ass-fucked by Daddy or being fucked in front of an audience or being forced to watch while he cheats on you. It seems I pretty much ahead of the game." He laughed.

Now my life was officially over. From now on I would be his plaything. His and his other lover's. They would do everything they want, every time and everywhere they want. I was not a person anymore, just an vessel for his pleasure. A sexy young female body with three holes to use. And they would use me every way imaginable and unimaginable. I was going to be just a toy... it felt great!

"Thrust the one in your ass in and out." This was the moment I have been waiting so long. Finally, I could cum.... He would let me. And suddenly there was a sharp pain in my ass. He was whipping me with his belt. It hurt like hell. It would be very hard for me to cum now with this new stimulation. But... I guess that was the point. He wasn't going to let me cum. It was a sign of control. The ultimate control he had over me.

And like that, after a long session of dildo fucking and whipping he removed the vibrator and the dildo. "You couldn't even cum could you? Now you’ve lost the right to cum. From now on you will only cum if I say so. This means you aren't going to cum until I see you again, baby girl. But... every day will play with yourself for an hour. Without cumming of course. I know you can manage that, I trained you well in orgasm control. Now I am leaving and I’ll be taking your little book of secrets with me. See you later, Baby Girl, take good care!"

And then he left. I was lying my bed, fully broken. He broke me like he said he would. He broke my body and my soul. I was like a shattered glass, smashed into pieces. Humiliation, shame, arousal, pain, pleasure, fear... All of these feelings were colliding in me. I was never going to be the same person. Nothing was going to be same. My new life was starting over. And to make matters worse, I want to cum sooo bad.

[callioope]

Good Things in 2019

@theputterer and @the-strongest-stars tagged me in the awesome annual end-of-year Good Things meme! I’ve done this in 2018 & 2017 and always think it’s a fun exercise of both reflection and looking forward.

Oh boy, though, my first thought was, what even happened in 2019? (Looking at a calendar helped! It reminded me of a few things I forgot)

It’s been a Rough Year, friends. Between OCD and basically travelling almost every weekend in the latter half of 2019, I am very much ready for a new year and hopefully a new slate.

But this is about the positives!

Personal

Played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons! I am now officially in two campaigns. This year, I endeavored to recruit more women to play, including the wonderful @allatariel. I play both my beloved cleric, Maritsa (who I’ve been playing her years now) and my new character, Noara, a ranger elf with a red panda familiar (yeah, my DM let me do that for funsies, so I could get an animal sidekick but also still try out the Horizon Walker subclass). 

Speaking of red pandas, I accomplished my LIFE GOAL of meeting a red panda face-to-face. I got to feed Harriet at the Cincinnati Zoo for 30 minutes. She was adorable. 

Completed all my dental work and had a clean bill of dental health two cleanings in a row! 

Attended DC’s Around the World Embassy Day event, always fun

Attended Star Wars night at a local library, where I got to participate in a short demo/lesson on how to fence with a lightsaber!

Attended 50th Anniversary Celebration of Apollo 11 / landing on the moon (dude they projected the rocket on the Washington Monument and it looked so cool)

Returned to the NY Ren Faire and upgraded my ren faire garb

Celebrated at THREE friends’ weddings and got to catch up with old friends I hadn’t seen in awhile

Ate ice cream at the Ben & Jerry’s Factory in Vermont

Went to NYCC for the third year in a row. Got to wear 2 costumes this year: a 1920s flapper interpretation of an occamy and my Endor!Leia costume (repeat of 2017). Learned the True Pain of sewing. Created feather shawl for my occamy costume. Learned the True Pain of crafting.

Celebrated one year anniversary with hubbie down where we got married: visited the museum we got married in and actually got a chance to enjoy the exhibits, went to our favorite brunch place down there, got to check out Fleet Week and tour an aircraft carrier and uh... I think it was a missile cruiser? 

Went up to PSU for a women’s hockey game for sister’s birthday (made embarrassing HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign for the cameras); also it was an absolutely wonderful fall drive on the way up there

Got to see The Rise of Skywalker in IMAX at the Smithsonian Air & Space Center with the awesome @allatariel! (thank goodness we had each other to get through that movie lol) also got to reuse my Endor!Leia costume. I did my own braids for the first time ever! (usually my talented sister does them) They looked like braids done by a n00b, but I didn’t care because they were passable and I did them myself and that was a Big Thing for Perfectionist Me (to not just... say screw it and undo it and just. give up. but to just let them be as is)

Worked hard at therapy and self care

Got a Sleep Number bed and holy shit let me tell you. i can actually sleep now.

OH! I almost forgot!!! Started playing Assassin’s Creed! I’ve only ever really played the LEGO Star Wars and Harry Potter video games so like. This was big for me. 

Writing

Finally finished Learning Curve. TBH I was a bit shocked that this was in fact the only fic I published in 2019. What a travesty.

However! I have been writing

@allatariel & I sat down, overanalyzed You’ve Got Mail, and drafted up the outline for my in-universe AU, something I’ve been dreaming of starting for years. Have about 4300 words so far.

Just under the wire, I did manage to start my NatGeo AU, which I’ve been dreaming of since my honeymoon in Nov 2018

Started editing/revising my original young adult fantasy novel

Poked a little at my epic fantasy pirate travel novel idea

Books

I read exactly one book, Among the Red Stars, which I enjoyed. It’s about women fighter pilots in Russia in WW2. Inspired by real people.

Music

Saw Panic at the Disco! in concert. I went along with my sister. Not like a huge fan, but they put on a pretty fun show!

Saw Waitress on Broadway!! OH MY GOD. And Sara Bareilles was starring in it. Amazing. I freaking love her music (”How does she know / what a heart sounds like?” gahhh). She was so good, and the show was so good. I literally cried all the way through it just because I was so happy to be there, but also because of the content. Man.

Saw Sara Bareilles again, in concert, in Philly. I love her so much.

Television

Finished Critical Role Campaign 1! Oh man, what a ride. Gosh, I love that show. I really need to catch up in C2 now. I’ve started it but I’m only on episode 26 or 27.

I’m not sure whether I finished The Clone Wars in 2018 or 2019. I think it was early 2019. This show was amazing and this was the character development that Anakin Skywalker needed. I love Ahsoka Tano. I cannot wait for the last season.  

Finished Rebels!!! AGAIN, what a ride!!! I still love Ahsoka Tano. I also love Hera Syndulla and Sabine Wren. Sabine’s Darksaber arc was fantastic.

The Mandalorian OMG BABY YODA!!! Yes, I have succumbed to the adorableness of Baby Yoda. Most adorable SW character forever. But also just an enjoyable story in general. This, this is how you craft a story. still NOT over the darksaber omg. 

The Good Place is continuing to be good. Not as crazy about season 4, but I’m so glad they decided to limit the seasons.

Got my sister to watch Rebels!! And then even a few episodes of The Clone Wars!!! Mwahaha >) 

Finally got around to watching The Great British Bake Off, what a sweet show!

OMG I ALMOST FORGOT Anne With an E!!! Gosh what a wonderful wholesome delightful show. No I haven’t watched S3 yet because I am Lawful Good to a fault and just patiently waiting for it to come on Netflix

Film

So, I woefully neglected to mention The Aeronauts in this post about my favorite movies in the 2010s and that was a Mistake. Because I really enjoyed this one

But otherwise probably check out that list. Because I don’t go to the movies that often, actually, and anything I really loved from 2019 is most definitely listed there.

Did I meet my 2019 Goals?

Writing: Fandom

Finish Learning Curve YES

...and How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days Uh, no, not so much

Begin and complete the in-canon universe You’ve Got Mail AU YES, it is begun but no it is not complete

Try to knock out a few other projects on my 30+ SW ideas Umm, I did start / poke at a few things in addition to the YGM and NatGeo AUs, but nothing really “knocked out”

Try my hand at creating more visual fan works (like moodboards/photosets, step 1, learn proper terminology) ahahahah, no. 

Writing: Original

Query more agents for my completed original novel YIKES, No. But I wasn’t anticipating that I’d decide to heavily edit/revise my manuscript.

Actually get around to deciding which idea I want to work on next and work on it Yeah, sure, I decided. How nice of past!Liz to make this goal so reachable as “deciding” lol

Reading

Be more supportive in helping my friend run Book Club so that it can actually meet more regularly HA, oops. Book Club died, but kind of in favor of being able to start a second D&D campaign. At least that’s the trade off I’m looking at. I had some OCD-related glasses issues this year that inhibited reading a lot.

Try to read at least one book for myself outside of Book Club lol WELL the one book I read this year was not part of Book Club sooo

Goals for 2020

Writing

I’m not going to make this a completion goal, but instead...

...I’d like to just focus on creating a regular writing schedule/habit. Whatever the project, I just want to make sure I carve out significant time each week just to write. I don’t want to set a specific goal like “x hours a week” for now, but I want to make sure that I am writing each week.

To achieve that (because what are goals without maps):

If the words don’t immediately jump onto the page, then I’m going to try outlining or summarizing. I’m going to let go of overthinking how sentences are phrased, and just pretend I’m describing the story idea to a friend.

That blank page is staring at me and I’m just going to fill it with words no matter what I might think of them!

And I’m going to let everything else expand from there. And see how that works.

Edit my original manuscript

Query more agents re: original manuscript

Look into the idea of perhaps forming or joining a writer’s group for original writing oh gosh that is so scary

Other

Get back into reading

Develop a routine for working out

Eat healthier

Continue focusing on therapy goals

Get around to watching: Black Sails, Mad Max: Fury Road, Arrival

Get better at responding to things in general

Tagging: @allatariel, @magalis, @mythologicalmango, @skitzofreak, @threadsketchier, @brynnmclean, @ruby-red-inky-blue, @siachti and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!

Happy New Year y’all!

[mal-likes-biscuits]

So, what first attracted you to the Diablo universe, and what inspired you to write within it?

There’s a fun story behind this, and I’m glad someone asked me. It’s a story I will casually mention, but I didn’t want to go into the whole thing needlessly because it felt a bit self-serving. Also, this is LONG. But it’s a long story to tell.

Diablo Universe

I tried to play Diablo years ago when I was in a really stressed out, bad head-space, and I didn’t like it. I’d also just finished playing Torchlight, which is a much more vibrant, happy game design. I got partway through the Tristram Cathedral and just couldn’t do the gothic horror.

Then, a couple years ago, I was stuck at home on bed rest while pregnant. All I could do was lie on the couch and play video games. Which probably seems great, and it was, until weeks went by, and I ran. out. of. games. I mean, I played through ME: Andromeda to 100% completion, I put like 100+hours into Darkest Dungeon, you get the idea. This was conveniently about the time I actually had my kid, because (spoilers!) they are extremely time-consuming.

Anyway, we were too busy parenting to play video games, as we usually did, until a couple months after she was born. And at that point, she also spontaneously developed colic. Badly. If you haven’t had the experience of having a colicky child – I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. The doctor gives you a handout that essentially says “your child is fine, they will scream, we recommend seeking psychological support”.

At this point, I was already in a pretty bad mental head space from post-partum depression and the non-stop baby screaming. BUT. We discovered that if we swaddle wrapped our kid tightly, and held her, she would calm down. Less screaming: good. Having to constantly, physically hold your baby from 3 PM until 10 PM: boring. 

Enter Diablo. My husband suggested we try it again, because it wasn’t hard to play, and we could play it together while one of us held our kid. Did you know you can play Diablo 3 with one hand by key binding your mouse and only using some of the abilities? Yes you can! And thankfully, I was kind of immune to the gothic-horror-motif that had irrationally bugged me the first time I tried. 

(Nor did playing it make my depression worse. For anyone wanting the conclusion for that part of the story, I saw a good psychiatrist specializing in PPD. That helped a lot. If you know anyone who is depressed while pregnant/after pregnancy, or you are that yourself, seek help. It is the hardest thing to do, and will be the best thing you do. Depression is not rational. //soapbox)

Anyway, we played through all of Diablo 3 while holding a happily snoozing, colicky baby. And because we wanted to make the game last as long as possible, we were absolute LORE FIENDS. I had to find all the books, all the journals, etc. In this slightly superficial looking game, holy crap, there was backstory! You just had to go digging for it.

The lore that really grabbed me was a set of tomes from Act 5, called The Path of Wisdom. They were buggerishly hard to find because they were buried around Pandemonium fortress. 

And so ….

Writing Diablo

I’ve always been a writer. I write for my day job. I write and publish short-fiction (genre, usually SF) on the side. And I’ve written fanfic for years. Only, I hadn’t touched fanfic for awhile because I was working on original work. And then when I became pregnant, I completely lost my ability to write, because hormones are stupid, and mom-brain is worse.

Writing droughts aren’t unusual for me. But I hadn’t written anything for almost two years. There was a call out for a fantasy anthology that I really wanted to do something for, and I managed to turn that out (I’m still pleased with the story, and still trying to place it). I don’t usually write fantasy, nor do I usually read it. I’m a SF gal through and through. 

Except, this fantasy story I’d written really got me in the mood for writing MORE. It was a one-shot story, nothing I could build on. That was a problem.

At the same time, hubby and I were doing what we usually did after finishing a game, which was having “long talks at the pub” (which, after kid, were more “let’s have tea while she’s passed out and talk”) about all the nerdy, intellectual parts of the game. Diablo 3 doesn’t have the strong Act 1-4 story. But I LOVED Act 5. It had a great villain who was intense and engaging, Westmarch was honestly terrifying, and then. THEN. THERE WERE THOSE BOOKS.

Buried in this superficial hack and slash game were lore books that explained the Angel of Death wasn’t just the Angel of Death. That he had been the Angel of Wisdom, once. And there were all these reasons for what he had done, and they made a horrible, logical SENSE.

Whoa, my brain said. Wait a moment. That isn’t the sort of transformation that happens by accident. I found the Diablo wikia at that point and read all the rest of the lore I could get my hands on. I learned about the Worldstone, and Chald’ar, and the madness that took hold of Malthael.

And the first words out of my mouth to my husband after all of this were “WHY DID THEY WASTE SUCH A GREAT VILLAIN IN A SINGLE ACT 5.” Unless something changes in D4, Malthael is very dead. And that bothered me. Because the whole theme, at least I feel, of Diablo is that Light triumphs, and the path of Balance (or mortality) is the right way to go. You see this with Tyrael. 

And I honestly felt they should have done something similar at the end with Malthael. Because he does terrible things and makes terrible decisions, but where he starts isn’t as a bad person. He falls incredibly far because the angels in Diablo are not built to withstand that kind of change to their life or their function. To me, it seemed so much more legit and in line with the theme to bring him back, have him account for what he’s done, and then throw in with the winning team.

This all stewed around in my brain for several weeks, until an idea came to me. Usually writing ideas pop out of nowhere. It’s a bit annoying, because I have no ability to intentionally come up with stuff. I’m at the mercy of my subconscious.

My subconscious dreamed the chapter from “In All Things Light & Dark” where Malthael, now mortal, fights the shade of his former self in the forest. Complete with the “Sound of Silence” soundtrack. Dreaming something coherent, let alone writable, is really unusual for me. But it was a profoundly vivid image. 

And I thought … what the hell. Let’s do it. I write. I’ve written fanfic before. I haven’t written barely anything in a couple years, but let’s give it a try. If Blizzard isn’t going to give me this story and do right by the character, then I will.

110,000+ words later, I can say: writing Diablo fanfic was the best thing I could have done for my writing muse. It’s back in shape. It knocked all the mom-brain cobwebs out. And it’s been helllllishly fun to do. :)

Side-note addendum: my kid is totally fine after sleeping to the (quiet) sounds of demon slaying for several months. She is, however, also completely fearless, and thinks Malthael’s voice acting is absolutely hilarious. For what it’s worth – she laughs in the face of Death.

[valerie]

TWITL - week thirty-four - will you reach out in whimsy

New Post has been published on https://kiari.com/2021/08/twitl-week-thirty-four-will-you-reach-out-in-whimsy/

TWITL - week thirty-four - will you reach out in whimsy

if I whisper your name will you hear it on the breeze an unfamiliar voice soft and low will you reach out in whimsy curious and open then laugh at the notion yet still wonder at the longing that clings gentle upon your heart

It’s been awhile since a bit of poetry so I thought, why not? I should write more poetry…

So my previous entry posted to Livejournal so I guess that plugin is working again. What the heck?! But truly, I am glad because my LJ is apparently forever (I have a permanent account) and I should use it, even if it is a crosspost from my main blog.

TV

Kung Fu (HBO Max/CW) – We finished season one and I must say, I loved it. I loved how Asian and how American it was. I loved the supernatural, mystic stuff. I loved the well rounded characters. I love the feeling of family, the mistakes made by everyone, by the obvious love of family. It was funny, exciting, sometimes a little cheesy, action packed, and a treat to watch. I’m glad it’s getting a second season and I look forward to seeing what adventures await.

Ted Lasso (Apple TV+) – I really do enjoy this show a lot. I’m never in a rush to watch it but when we sit down to it, it keeps me hooked. I loved the Bantr twist at the end of episode six! How are they going to play that in the next episodes? Should be fun to watch!

What If…? (Distney+) – Episode 3 didn’t quite pull at me as much as the previous two episodes but it was a good watch. I wonder, do all the episodes happen in the same timeline? Or are we jumping different threads of reality?

MOVIES

Snake Eyes: GI Joe Origins – I enjoyed this movie, especially in context of it being a GI Joe movie, even though it didn’t seem like a GI Joe movie. Does that makes sense? I like Henry Golding and he was all right in this movie. His character seemed to lack a bit of vibrancy. The other characters were more interesting and compelling. And I say that as someone who likes him so take that as you will. I liked the look of this movie and the action was fine.

F9 – I think I missed one of the Fast and Furious movies but does it really matter very much? The latest installment had the prerequisite action and fast cars with a decent, if slightly ridiculous plot. It’s a fun watch and draws on previous movies and characters. It was entertaining. How many more of these movies are they going to do?

The Green Knight – I’m not sure how to take this movie. It’s beautifully shot and well acted but maybe I wasn’t in the mind space to appreciate it.

RANDOM MUSINGS

While we’re doing COVID-19 testing for district employees, I get to go into work early and therefore leave early. It’s only a difference of half an hour but there’s something about leaving work “early” that’s rather nice. My schedule is adjusted three of my five days of work, which isn’t super noticeable except when it’s time to leave. I do love leaving “early.”

I voted and it’s been counted! Civic duty done.

My writing is at a real standstill right now. My creativity is in a fog. I’m trying to prep for National Novel Writing Month but I’m not feeling it right now. Do I just need to write on the fly in November? Is that something I can do without even some kind of light outlining?

My niece is 12! Where has the time gone?! It doesn’t seem that long ago when she was that chubby faced baby.

TECHIE STUFF

This unboxing of the Thom Brown Edition of the Samsung Galaxy Z Flip3 is super cool. Check it out:

I don’t know why I keep watching videos of phones that I will never buy but I can’t help myself. I guess I just like knowing what’s out there. Also, I wish I were a tech review like the ones I watch. How fun to review all kinds of gadgets!

And someone (not me) is getting a new phone! It’s another iPhone but after scoffing at the size of mine, the hubby is getting the iPhone 12 Pro Max. It’ll be weird to have the same exact phone. We haven’t had the same exact phones for a long time, it seems…

Yes, I pre-ordered “11:11.”

[monsteramongmen-tamer]

#52: “Can we cuddle?” -Roman Reigns.

Thank you to the anon who requested this! I hope you like it! and I hope it makes you feel a little bit better. <3

Tagging: @kaitlynwwefan, @reigns420, @littleprincess1621, @m-a-t-91, @luckygillblog, @finnbalorsbabygirl, @unabashedwwesmut, @blackwidow2721

You patiently waited every night to see if the the monitor would go off. Having a two and a half month old baby in the house was the most terrifying thing, but you wouldn’t change it for the anything. Your little boy was everything now.

Raising a baby on your own, for the most part, wasn’t easy on you. In many ways.

Since having a child, everything has changed. Nothing was about you anymore. Your body has changed. You couldn’t seem to get rid of all the baby weight. Your husband was traveling for work most days of the week. He was missing the essential days with his son, but it is all worth it. He is working so hard for us.

Roman did as much as he could when he was home. He had troubles getting up at night, but you let it pass most of the time, since he worked as hard as he did.

You should be grateful for having Roman home to help when he’s off, but since about halfway through your pregnancy, he hasn’t noticed you. Like really noticed you.

He was always so good at telling you that you’re beautiful every. single. day.

He tells you before he leaves for the week, but you didn’t feel like a wife anymore. It was hard to explain, but things were just different.

Sometimes you hated that you were so selfish, because everything changed because of the little miracle in the next room.

You spaced from your thoughts when the monitor started going off. He was pretty consistent. About every 2 or 3 hours your baby would cry out.

Making sure to tip toe quietly, you popped your head in to see if it was just a warning. But nope. He continued to cry.

Walking in, you cradled your little boy in your arms. Almost immediately you knew what he needed.

Diaper change.

You carried him to the changing table and changed his diaper, but he was still crying.

There was a rocking chair in the corner of the room so you decided to sit there and see if he was hungry. You sat down and lifted up your shirt, revealing one of your nipples.

That did the trick. When he was finished eating, he looked milk drunk, it was the cutest damn thing.

As he was falling back asleep, you put him back in his crib and returned to your room.

You decided to try to sleep. Could probably be beneficial.

The sun was shining through the blinds when you opened your eyes. Did the baby not wake up?

You sat up in a panic and went to his room.

There was a sight that you could just cry about.

His daddy came home early and was feeding him a bottle.

“When did you get home?” You asked in a soft voice.

Roman turned around with a sleepy, eating baby, “About 2 hours ago. I saw you were sleeping, figured I would take care of this little guy for a little bit. I assume you haven’t gotten much sleep.”

You walked over to Roman, just to check on the baby, “You’re right, I haven’t. But I’ve gotten used to it.”

He didn’t say anything.  He was just admiring his baby boy.

“Thank you.” You said, laying your head on his shoulder.

“For what?” He asked, turning his head to you.

“For taking care of him. I love the sight of my two boys together.” You said.

“Well I’m his daddy. It’s my job. I don’t mind doing it while I’m home.” He said.

“I’ll go make us some coffee.” You said, walking out of the room.

You made the coffee and sat with Roman for awhile. The baby actually slept for a few hours.

“So, do you think he is old enough to have a babysitter or something? So maybe we can have a night to ourselves?” Roman asked, taking a sip from his coffee.

You had a scared look on your face, “Uh, he’s not quite 2 months yet. I don’t know if he could handle being away from me for that long yet.”

Roman nodded, “Okay. That makes sense. Well, I think 3 months is when people start getting them introduced to that kind of thing, maybe then?”

A small smile was on your face, “I will think about it.”

Things were pretty normal. Roman helped take care of the baby and then he was gone.

The next few weeks felt like they went on forever. Baby was fussing a lot more and it was harder to figure out what he wanted.

Roman came home again and he took you from your arms. The baby stopped crying when his daddy picked him up.

Did he like his dad more? He wasn’t the one that was there everyday, every hour, every second of the day, to give him what he needed.

It kind of hurt your feelings, even though he wasn’t doing it on purpose. He had a unique connection with his son. You couldn’t help but admire it at the same time.

You were in your room folding laundry when Roman walked in your your son. He set him on the bed and gave him one of his favorite toys. He was occupied by just that.

“So, I got us a sitter for tonight.” Roman said, standing behind you. He was massaging your shoulders.

You turned around and looked at him like he was crazy.

“Um, what do you mean you got a sitter? He is WAY too young to be trusted with someone who isn’t immediate family!” You exclaimed.

“That’s just perfect, because your mom agreed to watch him.” Roman said, knowing you couldn’t say no to her.

“Ugh. You suck. If you already asked her, I can’t cancel. What are we even going to do?!” You asked him.

“Whatever you want, princess. I’m gonna go shower. You got him?” Roman asked, pointing to the baby on the bed.

You simply nodded.

What on earth were you going to do? You haven't done anything with Roman for MONTHS. And now you were nervous. You are nervous to go out with your own husband. But you didn't have the energy to go out.

He came back into your bedroom in just a towel. He looked sexy as hell. A sight you haven’t seen for quite some time.

“Have you decided what you want to do tonight?” He asked, moving the towel to put a pair of underwear on.

Wow.

You brought your mind back to the conversation, “Actually, I have kind of a strange request…”

“Anything.” He said.

“...could we just stay in?” You asked, hesitantly.

Roman just smiled, “That actually sounds wonderful.”

You were so happy that he agreed.

There was a car horn outside and you assumed it was your mom.

When she got inside and got everything, you started naming the list of everything that he would need.

“Honey, this isn’t my first time having an infant overnight. I got it. You just take this time to relax, breathe.”  She said.

That reassured you. Your brother had twins and she would take them all the time. She was basically a saint.

She took him. He was gone. You felt super weird about it. He was all you ever took care of the last 3 or so months.

“Shall we?” Roman gestured to the living room, having Netflix loaded onto the TV.

You just smiled at him, “You really are the best husband. You know that?”

“Oh I know.” He said, shooting you one of his famous winks. You could not resist those.

The two of you sat on the couch and just watched whatever show popped up first.

“Can we cuddle?” You asked.

There was an awkward space between both of you, all you wanted was to snuggle your hubby, especially while there was no baby to worry about.

“Come here, baby girl. I got you.” Roman said, holding up one arm.

It’s been a long time since you have done just this this with your husband. It was nice.

After the next show started, you drifted off to sleep.

When you woke up, the sun was up. It was the next morning.

“Well good morning, beautiful.” Roman said, laying next to you on the bed.

“Mmm, good morning to you too. What time is it?” You asked.

“8:30AM. I figured you could sleep in a bit.” He said.

“Did mom bring baby back yet?” You asked.

“Nope. Just texted her a little bit ago, he was perfect for her. She will drop him off this afternoon.” He said, messing with your hair.

“Okay. Thank you. Wait. I don’t remember coming to bed last night…” You said sitting up now, looking at your surroundings.

Roman laughed, “Yeah, as soon as the second episode turned on last night, you were out like a light. Snoring on me and everything.”

You hit his arm, “I do not snore.”

He got his phone out and showed you a picture he took of you sleeping. Your mouth was wide open.

Your hands covered your face, “Oh my god. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. It was cute. That’s why I took the picture.” Roman said.

“Yeah well you better be keeping that to yourself.” You said, trying to sound as threatening as possible.

Roman laughed and shook his head. He got up and went down stairs.

He was making breakfast for you. Just like things used to be, without the baby.

But you wouldn’t trade that baby for the world. Either of your boys. You were so blessed with life you were given.

[rebelmeg]

Another survey, you know how I feel about those...

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?   “Morning, sunshine.”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?  It’s our 11th wedding anniversary today!

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?  Yes, because drugs are one of the fastest ways to mess yourself up, and they never really ever let go.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?  Yep.

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?  I’ve never been drunk, all of my kisses have been sober.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?  I don’t think having a crush on someone and then moving away when I was 14 really counts...

7. What does your last received text say? *Sobs*  I know!

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?  Oh, too many to count, been kissing him for 13 years...

9. Where was your last kiss at?  Either on the couch or on the bed.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?  I saw both of them yesterday!

11. What do you drink in the morning?  Water and Dr. Pepper

12. Where did you sleep last night?  In my bed.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?  They shouldn’t be that hard.  I think being an adult makes life hard, and that stress can easily transfer to relationships.  If a relationship is hard, and it’s not just normal responsible adult stress making it hard, maybe there’s something wrong.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?  Oh, I’m sure I would.  Not sure what, I’d have to think about it, but there’s always something I think I could have done better or different.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?  Absolutely not, he’s my favorite person.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?  Rainy all the way!

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?  Um... not off the top of my head, no.

18. Are you wearing jeans, sweatpants, or pajama pants?  Khaki shorts with cotton lace on the hem to make them a little bit longer.

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?  Yep.

20. Does anyone like you?  I think so, yeah.

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?  Nope.  There was a D, a B, and a T, and a P ever since then.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? Nope.

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?  Oh, there’s a few...

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?  I save tattoo designs that I like, but I won’t ever actually get a tattoo.  But I do love the art, sometimes I’ll use it as inspiration for other things.  I painted an awesome phoenix on a shirt that was inspired by a tattoo design.

25. In the past week have you cried?  No, not this week.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?  Saw my mom’s mini American Eskimo yesterday.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?  Both, I usually do top half in the shower, lower half out of the shower, then hair.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?  Nope, but I had a crush on one once.

29. Do you think you’re old?  Nah, got awhile yet for that.

30. Do you like text messaging?  I like the ease of communication, but I hate typing out long messages.

31. What type of day are you having?  Eh.  Could have slept longer than I did.  Have to do both jobs today, that’s never fun.  But it’s payday, so there’s that.  Paying bills, woot.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?  Nope, I just have my ears pierced.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? COLD ALL THE WAY, I’M A POLAR BEAR!

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?  There’s my hubby, and then all my male family members.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?  Relationship.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?  I dunno, depends.  Which probably translates to complicated, but like... I have pretty simple basic needs, but the way I like to do things can be complicated.

37. What song are you listening to?  Hold music... yes, I’m on Tumblr while working... no, I don’t apologize for it.

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?  I try really hard not to.  I like my apologies to be sincere.

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?  I have a bestie that knows a lot, and also my sister, sister in law, and mom.

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?  I started dating my hubby because he was so cute and awkward and very funny.  He still is, he makes me laugh every day.

41. When did you last receive a text message?  Couple hours ago.

42. What is wrong with you right now?  I’m tired, I am the Grand Empress of Time Mismanagement, I have too much to do, I love food too much and hate exercise way too much, my sleeping schedule is way off, my self-control is on vacation somewhere, and I lost my motivation seeds.  I’m also a wee bit peckish.

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?  That’s my sister, so pretty well.

44. Does anyone disgust you?  Disgusting people do.

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?  Nope, I’m taken.

46. Are you in a good mood right now?  I’m in an okay mood.

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?  My hubby.

48. What color shirt are you wearing? Bright sky blue.

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? Hubby told me it was time to wake up.  I whined at him.

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?  I did last year, then awhile after that they sucker punched me right in my heart, and I really don’t know what’s up with that anymore...  They scrambled to fix it right away, I needed time to recover, and haven’t heard anything since, so... yeah.

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Nope, I love him.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? Not yet.

53. Do you like rain?  I absolutely LOVE rain!

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?  Yep, there’s no way drinking leads to good things.  We don’t drink.

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?  Probably when I was a teenager.

56. Do you like to cuddle?  I do, yes.

57. Are you shy?  Not really, no.

58. Do you get along with girls?  Yep, I do.

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?  Yep, we dated for two years.

60. What do you carry with you at all times?  My phone.

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?  Sure, why not?  I don’t really believe in that kind of stuff, so it wouldn’t bother me.

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?  I’ve lasted in one for 13 years, so yeah, I can.

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?  Mmhmm.

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?  Yes I do.

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?  Lots of stuff, I’ve got a hubby and two cute girls.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?  30, 9 and a half, and 3.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?  I always do them myself, I love nail polish and I’m very picky about my nail shape.

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?  I don’t really like either, but probably zebra.

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?  We have a bunch.  Star Wards, Harry Potter, Avengers, Firefly, Batman...

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?  Luke Bryan!  I love country music.

71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?  Android.   

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?   Hmm, been awhile, I’m not sure.  Several months, probably.

73. Do you like diet soda?   Ick, no, I can’t handle the aftertaste.

74. What color are the walls in your room?  Off-white, very boring, I’d prefer something way more colorful.

75. Are you 16 or older?   Older

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?   Nope.

77. Do you have a job?   Other than being a mom, I have two.

78. What are your initials?  MEB

79. Did you ever have braces?  No, but I had a spacer when I was a kid.

80. Are you from the south?  Nope, West.

81. What does your last status on Facebook say?  It’s a “happy anniversary to me” message.

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?  Occasionally, we were friends in high school and we’re Facebook friends.  He’s a super weird dude.

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?  Uh, maybe mom, but I’ve been pretty close to my dad in recent years.

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?  Nope, but I did ballet and tap when I was a kid.

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?  We saw Wonder Woman and Spiderman: Homecoming on the same day a couple weeks ago!

86. Do you smoke?  Nope, never have.

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?   I adore high heels, but they hurt to wear, so I wear flip flops more often.

88. Is your phone touch screen?  Yep.

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?   It’s naturally curly/wavy, so my ponytail is usually that way.

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?  Yep.

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?  Pool, it’s more clean.

92. Have you ever made out in a car?  Several cars, yes, in and on top of.

93. …Had sex in a car?  Several cars, yes, in and on top of.

94. Are you single or in a relationship?  Happily in a relationship.

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?  Watching Iron Man.

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?  We did them on the third of this month, my family came down and we set some off.

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?  Ugh, no, it sucks!  I keep my old phone on hand because the camera is so much better.

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?  Nope.

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?   I’ve never had alcohol.

100. Are you friends with people on Facebook that you actually hate?  Nope, I don’t do that kind of nonsense.

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?  Yep.

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:  Die Young

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?   Yep, farmers tan on the neck/chest and arms.

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?   I don’t think I could get away with it, but some people can.

[fearofaherobrine]

Roleplay server Log #191

"The Survivor, Flying Lessons, A Lobster for Grinny”

[TLOT] Should I be annoyed that he didn't stay to help or proud of him for not killing anyone today?

[Lie] - A mixture of both is probably appropriate...  Although the day isn't over yet

[Steve] Is merrily tapping away on the typewriter. There are a few random words but it's mostly nonsense.

[Banette] Toddles up behind Lie. - baaan?

{Lie] - Hmm?  Oh, hey there, do you want a treat?

[Banette] Hops up and down excitedly. It's zippers make a soft jingling noise.

[TLOT] Hey Lie? Notch has your cat. Sorry about that.

[Lie] Digs through her inventory and finds a raspberry and offers it to Banette- That's okay, Hope likes having a lap to lay in that wont move for hours

[Banette] Gobbles the berry and lets out a happy humm.

[Steve] That's a weird noise. The other room is all clean now.

[TLOT] Regards the punching bag. - I'm glad I'm not dressed, this thing is messy as fuck.

[Grinny] Starts slinking up to Endrea's room-

[Banette] Notices him and runs over to pick him up-

[Grinny] Hisses and swats at the pokemon-

[Banette] Is ghostly and mostly ignores it to bring the cat to Lie - Ette!

[Lie] - Thank you Banette, hello Grinny

[Grinny] - FUCK OFF!

[TLOT] Hark, I hear a Grinny!

[Steve] Reminds me of Cp...

[Grinny] - Do not associate me with that crude caveman!

[TLOT] It's because you're an angry cat that cusses a lot.

[Steve] And you're also a creepypasta!

[TLOT] That too.

[Lie] - Well, I think it's a good sign that we haven't heard any explosions yet...

[Yaunfen] Is sniffing at LIe's netherwort-

[Doc] Hey Grinny. Sorry you got lost in the shuffle, hopefully you weren't too bored.

[Grinny] - Like I care about anything that just happened

[TLOT] You didn't even enjoy Blake getting his ass whupped?

[Grinny] - It was a bit amusing...  Would have been more so if it hadn't disturbed my nap

[Doc] Little griefer. Hey, when was the last time you ate?

[Lie] - Hm?  Oh, this morning

[Doc] I don't know about you guys, but I'm hungry.

[Steve] Food sounds good.

[TLOT] I don't need it, obviously, but that would be nice.

[Lie] - I suppose my hunger bar could be a bit more full...

[Steve] You like roughing it too Lie? I don't want to get too comfortable ignoring stuff that could hurt me. That's a bad habit.

[TLOT] Ummm.

[Doc] Lie?

[Lie] - Yes?

[Doc] Lie... you're an admin. Why are you in survival?

[Lie] - Ummmm, because I have been from the start?

[TLOT] Do you want to be in survival? I know you like to garden.

[Doc] You've never changed your mode?!

[Lie] At Doc- No?  I kinda forgot I could?

[Doc] -sighs- Do you want me to fix it? At the very least you could fly with Cp.

[Lie] - Wait...  I thought flying was just an inherent ability?  I just figured I hadn't figured it out yet, I mean I still can't even control my own teleports

[TLOT] Is it? I think it depends on the brine.

[Doc] Yeah, I can't fly.

[Lie] - I don't know!

[Doc] I wouldn't sweat it. You might stumble on it later. - Xe phases through the wall and curls up near them.

[Lie] - And I mean, I guess I could at least try being in creative...

[Steve] You were a player before, aren't you used to operating that way?

[TLOT] grins- Or were you hardcore Lie?

[Lie] - I...  Was never very good at remembering what to type...

[Doc] Wiggles hir stubby claws and types out an admin command to change Lie's mode- There you go. Now just be careful, since you're not trying to pick things up. Don't break everything.

[Lie] - That might take awhile to get used to...

[Doc] Scribbles on a scrap of paper - Here, just type this if you want to change back.

[Lie] - Thanks Doc

[Steve] Sooooo... food?

[Doc] Oh yeah. Are we done here?

[TLOT] Looks good to me.

[Lie] - Yeah, everything looks fine

[TLOT] Shall we head to the bar?

[Steve] Lie should fly!

[Lie] - Errrr...

[Banette] Has curled up on the rug by the bookshelves and is looking sleepy and full.

[Doc] I think someone else really enjoyed all the battling.

[TLOT] Comes back upstairs with Steve in tow.

[Steve] Picks up Grinny and pets him -

[Grinny] - PUT ME DOWN YOU HEATHEN!

[Steve] Don't you want to come eat with us?

[Grinny] - NO!

[Doc] Oh come on. I'll get you anything you want.

[Grinny] Hisses-

[Yaunfen] Comes running back- Burp!

[Doc] Opens the door for Yaunfen and phases back outside-

[Steve] Marches out as well with Grinny in his hands-

[TLOT] Come on Lie, just try hovering a bit

[Lie] Follows them out, accidentally breaking the door in the process as she tries to close it- Damnit

[TLOT] Copies the remaining door and puts it back. - Wrong button Lie.

[Lie] - Shush, honestly I'm not sure how I managed to survive as long as I did bfore being brought here...

[Steve] You're plucky! Just like an Alex. That's why.

[Lie] - Thanks...  Okay, so how do I hover?

[Doc] Technically? It's a key for up and another for down. Being right in it though? Try pushing against the ground.

[Lie] Concentrates and gets a little lift, but it's very short lived-

[TLOT] Feels around in her mind and isolates the thought that caused the lift before showing it to her- More of that.

[Lie] Tries again and yelps as she rockets far to high up-

[TLOT] Okay, maybe a bit less of that.

[Doc] Trots up the air blocks to get level with her - gently.

[Lie] - I'm a little worried about the down part...

[Doc] Swirls down a little - I'll catch you. Besides, fall damage is zero in creative.

[Lie] Jerkily lowers to the ground-

[TLOT] Good start, try leveling off about two blocks up and stay there.

[Lie] - But I just got back on the ground!

[Doc] Just for practice. Then you can just zip along without running.

[Lie] Tries again and ends up just under two blocks up-

[Doc] Puts a paw behind her and gives a gentle shove, like sliding a mug on a table.

[Lie] - Ah, I'm not sure how to  feel about this...

[Doc] Sorry. - Xe moves hir foot away - I won't touch if that's uncomfortable.

[Lie] - This just feels so weird...

[Steve] Just because you're not used to it?

[Lie] - Probably?  I mean, CP's carried me before while flying, but I've never actually done it myself...

[TLOT] That's kinda romantic actually.

[Doc] I'm torn, I don't know if I like it better when Deerheart rides me or when I ride her.

[TLOT] That's cause you're a switch. Haha

[Doc] Shut up

[Lie] Lowers herself to the ground again-

[Doc] Is bumbling along because Yaunfen is riding hir head, trying to make it more fun for them-

[Yaunfen] Is making happy noises-

[Doc] Skitters down the side of the embankment and back up the other instead of using the bridge.

[Lie] - Bar isn't on fire, that's a bonus

[TLOT] Glamces at the lava fountain- I'll put my shirt back on for the sake of decorum, but no lava today. It's too damn hot.

[Doc] He's getting better, we should give him a cookie

[Steve] Catnip cookie

[Winston] Is having a conversation with Sam while Magnolia is trying some foods-

[CP] Is downing many shot glasses-

[Lie] - How about we don't make him angrier

[Steve] I'm just playing.

[TLOT] Holds the door for Lie and his hubby-

[Lie] Walks through-

[Doc] Does a little twist and ends up in hir regular shape with Yaunfen across hir arms- getting so big!

[Yaunfen] - BURP!  BURP!

[Doc] Also comes in with Yaunfen-

[Steve] Whispers to Sam and points to Grinny.

[Sam] Looks a bit wierded out but nods anyway.

[Steve] Sam is gonna do something cool for you Grinny-

[Grinny] - How about you all just FUCK OFF!

[Sam] Goes in the kitchen for a minute and then motions for Steve to bring the cat in.

[Steve] Follows - I know you like mean stuff so this might be appealing.

[Lie] Sits next to CP-

[Grinny] Tries biting Steve-

[Steve] No! Bad! Just give me a chance!

[Grinny] - NO!

[Sam] Sets the cauldron boiling and pulls out a squirming lobster -

[Steve] Turns the cat's head so he'll see

[Grinny] - It's a lobster...  So what?

[Sam] Throws it in the scalding water and there's a small amount of flailing and thrashing before it dies and is pulled out again.

[Grinny] - Whoopidy fucking doo, I've seen it at least a dozen times before

[Steve] Aww, but it's for you.

[Grinny] - Don't care

[Steve] Very sad pouty face. - O-okay....

[Sam] Preps the lobster anyway and plates it on the counter just inside the kitchen before walking out with a knowing look.

[Steve] Sets Grinny down - I'll... I'll just go check on the others then.... - sniffle.

[Grinny] - Good!  Leave!

[Steve] Slumps-

[Sam] Gives Steve a little hug as he comes out of the kitchen.

[TLOT] It's okay my lamb, it was a good thought.

[Grinny] Jumps up next to the lobster once he's sure he's alone and takes a few bites-

[suggahsweet]

Quick Gratitude List on a Sunday Morning

my husband :)

our baby!

that being sick lasted less than a week. ALTHOUGH my throat is kind of bothering me again today so we better not be going for round two...please Lord!

fun little pumpkin carving sesh with my og bump buddy and her hubby

my new snoogle!

all my marking is done praise God!

church today!

every week on Sunday I change my lock screen to a new Bible verse according to the plan I’m reading, and for some reason this micro-change brings me great joy

reconnecting with people who haven’t been in my life for awhile

Instastories. Really loving sharing my life in pics this weekend and the conversation it brings with random people online. 

[lukerhill]

My first painted door!

Well if you've read this blog for awhile you probably saw this one coming! 😂 I figured it would happen...I just wanted make sure I really wanted it before I pulled the trigger. 

I got a quote to have all of the doors in the house painted black when we were building, but it was towards the end of things and any additional spending was making my eyes cross. And I just hated to add it to the bottom line when I knew I could do it myself. Beyond that, I wanted to make sure I really wanted to have black doors in this house. 

I really enjoy the simpler look/decor of this home and for about eight months I was totally fine with the white doors. Then...the need for that dark contrast started creeping in. I figured I'd start with an entry door -- that way if I didn't want to do more it wouldn't look off. 

By the way, it took me around six, seven? years to paint the doors in our old house. And not one time did someone walk in and say, why haven't you painted this one or this one or this one? If you want to try it out, I promise it won't look weird to have one painted. (Unless you're talking of a hallway or somewhere there's a cluster of doors together.) 

So...this is my first one! And shocker -- I love it! I always knew our five panel doors would look SO good in black, but it's nice to see it come to life. If you want to tackle this easy project, I cover all the details you'll need in this painting doors post. Check that out first!

As I mention in that post, you'll need to determine if they are painted in oil or water-based paint first. If the former, you HAVE to prime if you're using water-based paint. I tell you how to figure that out in the post above. 

If you don't want to mess with that, you can assume they are oil-based and go ahead and prime. If you  paint water-based over oil-based and don't prime the paint will most likely peel off. Just a warning! That's a good few hours of work down the drain.  

I LOVE love love BIN primer (affiliate). It's so thin, goes on so easily and dries super fast. I have it tinted gray so I can do one less coat in the black:

I use cheap throwaway brushes for this part cause once this stuff is on, it's not going anywhere. Keep that in mind as well -- protect your surfaces. 

Here's what the can looks like: 

Make sure you have good ventilation too -- this stuff is stinky. Thankfully it goes on super fast. 

No matter what the style of door, I do the crevices first with a brush: 

Two things -- yes you can take the door down to paint it but it is not necessary. Our hollow core doors at the old house were heavy enough -- these are solid wood so there was no way I was trying that by myself. (Hubby was out of town.) The only thing is you'll want to tape off the hinges and the sides where the door meets the trim. 

Also, it's best to just take the door knob off when painting, but this is our garage door and we were using it constantly during the painting process. Again, either works but it's easier to remove it. 

After you get the detailed areas done (making sure to do a light, even coat), I use a foam roller to do the flat parts: 

I have a specific method I use that I drew out for you in this post. It works well for me. 

When that has had time to dry you can start with your first coat of black. In our old house I used the Benjamin Moore color Granite for all our doors. It was a very dark gray. Since this is right next to the DIY chalkboard I wanted to go with a true black. 

This is Sherwin-Williams Tricorn Black in semi-gloss. I did eggshell in the old house because I liked the more matte look, but again, do what you prefer!

This brush is my favorite! It's actually a square shape -- I found it years ago and use it ALL the time. It makes painting detailed areas so easy, plus it holds a good amount of paint: 

Even with the tinted primer it takes three coats to get the right amount of coverage. It's a few hours of work total, spread out over a couple days usually. 

Of course I love it!! DUH:

It struck me how great it looks with the faux marble tile. It picks up the veining beautifully: 

I'm sold. I'm going to keep going with it in the house...just gotta decide which door is next! 

I knew this would be a good starting point because entry doors are sometimes a different color anyway. If I didn't love it (yeah right), this would still stand on it's own perfectly well:

I've told you before how much I love black touches in a room. They make such a difference in my opinion. 

I love how the sconce, chalkboard and the good to be home sign work together here: 

I think black doors are a classic and stand the test of time. Of course dark navy or gray always look great! I love a pink door too. ;) 

Have you painted any of your doors? Is there a color you love? A dark green would be another beautiful pick! Painted doors add a little unexpected something to your home for very little money.

P.S. I assumed our doors were painted with oil-based since our last ones were. Turns out they are water-based. Without the primer I'd have to do any additional coat anyway to cover well, so it doesn't save me too much time. 

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This content is property of Thrifty Decor Chick LLC. If you are reading this on any other site other than https://ift.tt/1kRxOJ2 or one of her social media platforms, please contact her immediately (thriftydecorchick at gmail dot com). Any other use of this content is strictly forbidden.

[coianna]

85 answers to 85 questions

I was tagged by @dreamdropxxx, sorry it took me so long to answer! :)

Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

Last...

1. drink - apple juice

2. phone call - my dad

3. text message - school friend

4. song you listened to - Sit Still, Look Pretty by Daya

5. time you cried - I can’t remember but possibly I was crying happy tears while watching a movie.

6. dated someone twice? - never done that

7. kissed someone and regretted it - nope

8. been cheated on - nope

9. lost someone special - it’s been awhile since I’ve lost anyone

10. been depressed - currently recovering :)

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - this happens pretty much every time I drink and eat salty and fatty foods, last time was probably last November or something

Fave colours

12. sky blue

13. lavender

14. rose gold

In the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yes, when I started uni

16. fallen out of love - nope

17. laughed until you cried - multiple times!

18. found out someone was talking about you - no

19. met someone who changed you - not sure!

20. found out who your friends are - yeah

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - yes, my husband-to-be :D

General

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - there’s like two I haven’t met irl

23. do you have any pets - two bunnies <333

24. do you want to change your name - I’ve been thinking about dropping the second part of my double-barrelled first name so my first name would be the name every calls me

25. what did you do for your last birthday - I can’t even remember??? I was too focused on my birthday party that I held a few days later

26. what time did you wake up today - around noon...

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - writing stuff

28. what is something you cant wait for - my wedding

30. what are you listening to right now - Spotify ads :D

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - no but I have talked to people named Tomi and Tommi which are like Finnish versions of Tom

32. something thats getting on your nerves - people who aren’t as fast as me when using a computer

33. most visited website - google, according to google

34. hair colour - light brown

35. long or short hair - short but I’m planning to grow it out

36. do you have a crush on someone - it would be very awkward if I didn’t have a crush on my partner

37. what do you like about yourself - I’m quite happy about my hair right now

38. want any piercings? - nope

39. blood type - B+

40. nicknames - Eve, Eevuska

41. relationship status - taken

42. zodiac - cancer

43. pronouns - she/her

44. fave tv shows - Firefly, Downton Abbey, currently watching Gossip Girl for the first time

45. tattoos - I have none and I probably won’t have one in years... I have this rule that if I have an idea for a tattoo, I have to wait 5 years and if it’s still a good idea, I can take it.

46. right or left handed - right

47. ever had surgery - no

48. piercings - never had any, not even pierced ears

49. sport - sleeping

50. vacation - Italian countryside

51. trainers - I’m not sure if I own any right now?

More general

52. eating - WHERE???

53. drinking - coke

54. im about to watch - Gossip Girl

55. waiting for - hubby to come back home

56. want - a shitload of money

57. get married - in a few years, yes <3

58. career - I’m open to suggestions :D

Which is better?

59. hugs or kisses - kisses

60. lips or eyes - eyes

61. shorter or taller - idc

62. older or younger - idc

63. nice arms or stomach - tummy

64. hookup or relationship - relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant - hesitant

Have you ever...

66. kissed a stranger - no

67. drank hard liquor - rarely

68. lost glasses - every fucking day

69. turned someone down - yeah

70. sex on first date - nope

71. broken someones heart - not to my knowledge

72. had your heart broken - yeah, a bit

73. been arrested - nope

74. cried when someone died - fictional characters? yes. real people? no. I’m not heartless but... it’s a long story.

75. fallen for a friend - yeah, kinda

Do you believe in...

76. yourself - I kinda do 

77. miracles - sometimes I wish I did

78. love at first sight - yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeahhh kindaaaa?

79. santa claus - YES

80. kiss on a first date - yeah

81. angels - nah

Other

82. best friend’s name - I can’t name just one :D

83. eye colour - blue

84. fave movie - according to my Letterboxd: LOTR (FOTR), Beauty and the Beast, Wonder Woman, Les Mis

85. fave actor - Sophie Turner and Shohreh Aghdashloo are my current idols!

[helatherwhite]

My Family’s AMAZING CBD Experience

This is a post that I never thought I would write.

My family and CBD–as in hemp. Seriously.

Well, I'm writing this.

CBD, CBD oil, medical marijuana, and hemp oil have all been in the news a lot recently.

And it's all created quite a stir. People have been touting the beneficial effects of the hemp and marijuana plants (they are 2 different things), but I remained fairly skeptical. I mean, I really love this Vegan Ranch Dressing that's loaded with hemp seeds, but this?

Yeah, right.

I would see articles about people feeling better while using marijuana for medicinal purposes, and I would hesitatingly think I supported this kind of use, but something always held me back.

Well, I'm glad that something budged.

No, we haven't used medical marijuana, but we did end up using a CBD-rich hemp oil, and it has literally changed out lives.

A number of months ago, I became aware of a company that was selling this oil. I showed my husband the information and he said, “Get it.”

So, I did.  Apparently he had just seen an article by a conservative author who had been a former skeptic, turned “believer” when she tried medical marijuana on her son.

Well, long story short, I started doing research and was pretty excited about what I found, but I kept digging and digging and of course wanted to try it on my family before saying anything to my readers.

Now do I have a story to tell.

My Family's Hemp Oil / CBD Experience

Now, CBD and this hemp oil are not to be confused with marijuana or pot. This is hemp oil – nano-enhanced, CBD-rich hemp oil. Totally different story.  So no worries about it being illegal in your state–this is legal in all 5o states.

I was nervous about medical marijuana and all and was wondering about it. I'm not one for big government, but still, it made me nervous, and I have a friend in CO who was telling me about her concerns, about pot shops opening up everywhere and car accidents related to smoking marijuana becoming more commonplace.

But this is different. This is “Healthy–Not High.”

If you are interested in how this oil might benefit you, you can do an internet search for “CBD & ____” filling in the blank for whatever health condition you are thinking about and see what the research says.

Well, today I'm sharing something with you that I NEVER expected I would be writing.

First, because it has to do with hemp, and secondly because of what it's done for my son.

Get ready to be amazed. My eyes are literally welling up with tears as I write this.

My Son's CBD Experience – Panic Episodes Gone. And more.

Panic Episodes

Literally, since the day he started taking this, my son has had none. ZERO panic episodes. None.

Two to three weeks after he started using this nano-enhanced CBD-rich hemp oil, we had an incredibly stressful week. My sister and her boyfriend came into town and we went around town with them and stayed up 'til the wee hours of the morning talking.

And talking. And not just about simple things–these were deep talks about intense topics. They were actually amazing but stressful in a good way.

Then came the real test.

My son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (which is on the spectrum) about 9 years ago. One of the symptoms of Asperger's is focused attention, or an obsession, about a certain topic, or topics. My son's current (and long-standing) obsession is sports. He loves watching sports, listening to sports, reading about sports, memorizing sports rules, learning sports statistics, and playing sports. Sports, sports, and more sports.

He's been playing hockey for awhile now, which is his favorite sport of all time.

Anyhow, the week that my sister and her boyfriend were visiting overlapped with his hockey camp.

CBD Experience–Test #1:

We were in the middle of preparing a late dinner and my husband took my son to his camp. It wasn't the best timing, but he wanted to go. About 20 min or so after they left, the phone rang. It was my son.

Son: “Um…Mom, I got the times wrong and today's camp is over. They changed the schedule and I missed the email.”

Me: “I'm sorry. Well, at least you get to come home and spend time with us.”

Son: “Yeah.”

Me: “Are you OK?”

Son: “I'm fine. See you soon.”

I asked him again if he was OK because I couldn't believe my ears. I thought he was just stuffing the panic down. But he wasn't. He repeated that he was OK and they came home and we had a great rest of the evening together.

Now, typically missing something sports related, especially hockey, would have resulted in a LOT of stress. As in a panic episode.

But this time–nothing.

Oh – I almost forgot to mention that the man who runs the league had basically chewed him out for missing the practice, even though it really was partially the team's oversight–they had sent out 2 emails with one time listed and then a later email that had the corrected time, but the subject line didn't mention the time change so my son missed it.

Typically getting reprimanded by an authority figure is another thing that would set my son off big time, but he weathered this OK too.

CBD Experience–Test #2–the Next Day

So the next day, our company left. We hadn't gotten much sleep at all the night before (as in worst bedtime we had ever had) and said good-bye to them after spending some time at a local large botanical garden in 90-degree weather. We had plans that evening, so we went home and got some things together and then headed out the door, planning to drop my oldest off at the now infamous hockey camp, but we were running late.

When we were almost there, my son realized that he had forgotten his socks. (Note–it was summer – typically he doesn't have to remember socks since he's normally skating in the winter and well, he's wearing them :)!) Anyhow, my husband got mad at him, but my son said pretty calmly, “That's OK–I'll just go to the cookout with you.”

Now, this might not seem like a big deal to you, but again, we're talking hockey and we were already late (a stressor) and my son didn't really want to go to the cookout since he didn't know any friends of his that would be there.

Let me lay this out for you–typically in this kind of situation, he would have started yelling and getting very upset and Son #2 would start teasing Son #1. Which would end up making Son #1 REALLY upset and then dad would be yelling, fearing he was going to get in an accident. Yup – total family CHAOS!!

This time? Nothing.

Now we realized something was really going on.

Something had changed.

What would have normally led to a full-blown episode was just no. big. deal.

Over the next week or so, our son (and we) noticed other things that had changed. He had:

Flexibility – while doing family exercise, our son is able to bend farther and is more flexible overall. We do T Tapp Basic Workout Plus.

Social Skills  – when approaching and interacting with other kids and when talking with other adults, things are so much smoother and his eye contact is much better!

Household Chores – These have been a problem in our home. No one likes doing them, but our oldest has struggled with not knowing what to do and needing direction pretty much all the time. Well, since starting this oil, he's a different kid. He actually walks around finding ways to help. Without being asked.

I'm simply amazed.

We (and he) still keep noticing things. One weekend, we ran into a friend at Costco. We talked forever (she's that kind of friend :)), and she was amazed at the changes in him. So much so that she came over that week to get a bottle of the oil that we he was using.

I seriously wouldn't be surprised if my son tested off the spectrum at this point. I'm nervous saying that, but it's the truth.

And, there's more….

My Husband's CBD Experience

Focus, Motion Tummy, Sleep, and Improved Digestion (yup–poop is better!)

I'll share more about these issues later, but quickly I'll touch on 4 ways that this oil has helped my husband.

Focus – My husband LOVES books. I like books, but not this much. He is an English Professor and has LOADS of books. I especially don't like moldy books (see this post on mold toxicity to see why). Well, he has a lot of old books in his office and every time we go there, they make the boys and I not feel well. I've asked him to ditch them for years, but he didn't. After using this oil for about 2 weeks, we went to his office and I started moving some books out. He wasn't happy but soon he was doing it too.

Next day he called from his office telling me he'd gotten rid of 100+ books!

Motion Sickness – Flying and my hubby don't get along well. Typically every 4th flight or so he will vomit on a plane. Well, when  a recent trip, he texted me from the driveway “4 flights–no nausea!”

I didn't know what to think, but I quickly googled “CBD + motion sickness” and sure enough–it was the oil!!

Digestion – For years, poor digestion has been one of my husband's “issues”. Well, since starting the oil, he's actually maybe been in the bathroom more than usual so I didn't think to talk about it and wasn't really expecting anything.

Well, about a week ago, a friend asked me about a digestive autoimmune condition that she has and I remember that my husband had the same diagnosis. So I went and asked him how “poop” was going.

I said, “So I've noticed you've been in the bathroom more recently. Can you tell me if you've been in there longer because you've been having the same issues in the bathroom or have you been reading books on your new cell phone?”

To which he answered:

“I've been reading.”

And then he told me some things about his poop that you don't need to know.

Let's just say pooping is a lot better :).

Son #2's CBD Experience

Other son – severe head pains that led to vomiting on occasion. He hasn't been as consistent in using the oil but these have been significantly reduced.

So now I just need to get him to be more consistent with all of his supplements and see where this leads us :).

My CBD Experience

I'm weathering late nights and stress better and feel immediately more relaxed when using this oil. So does my son.

Now, every person is different. Will you see the same things if you try it? I don't know. I just know what it's done for us and I'm amazed.

  Here are the Basics about this CBD-rich Hemp Oil:

Purity: This oil tests pure and well, you already know that I care a TON about purity if you saw this post on pure essential oils.

Apparently many of these oils on the market aren't pure and don't even have much CBD in them, so buyer beware!

Bioavailable: Typically this type of oil is only 10-30% bioavailable, while this oil is about 100% bioavailable, so your body can use all of the good stuff that is in it.

Clean: The hemp for this oil is sourced from 40-100-year old family-owned farms in Europe. Non GMO, free of herbicides and fungicides. Equivalent to Triple-A organic farms in the US.

Want to Learn More about CBD?

If you're wondering if this can help you, or someone you love, there are many things that people are seeing CBD benefits. Just google any illness or condition and CBD. Prepare to be amazed. This is really going to be something.

Projectcbd.org is a good place to investigate too.

Conclusion

I'm sitting here again, literally tearing up as I write this. We've literally spent thousands and thousands of dollars on medical treatments for our son. I'm not knocking doctors and alternative practitioners, but the things that have made the BIGGEST difference for him have been getting sugar out of his diet and THIS oil.

I wish I'd found it sooner.

So, I'm sure you all would like to know more….so full disclosure–this nano-enhanced hemp oil is sold via a direct sales company. Do I love all direct sales companies? No. But this product is great (possibly the best oil out there) and I think that direct sales is a viable business model. So for now, this is where I'm landing.

Also, my son doesn't want to try another oil. I've asked him and he said “no thanks. I feel too good.”

So that's that.

And you don't need to sell it.

And really — I'm not a pushy person….just a mom who's tried tons of things who wants to help others get help too and not get taken by scammy products and companies.

Of course I'm happy to tell you more about it–about any of this. I could just drop the link to my site here, but I found for me, and for many others, that there are typically a ton of questions about the oil…about how it's made, its purity, what to expect, etc., so if you are interested in learning more, just email me at adrienne {at} wholenewmom {dot} com or wholenewmom {at} gmail {dot} com and I will get you more info.

Have you heard of or tried CBD? I would love to hear about your CBD experience!

  The post My Family’s AMAZING CBD Experience appeared first on Whole New Mom.

[no-platform]

Objectsexuality/Objectphilia Part 1

Eli: Hi, I hope this is OK, but I friended you because I was curious to ask about your husband after you mentioned your relationship in the group.

I have tried to look this up on forums etc but it seems that there is not a good platform for people to discuss objectsexuality/objectphilia without trolls coming in and spoiling it

If you prefer not to be "interviewed" by a stranger, I totally understand!

Sacha: No its totally ok ive been waiting i replies to your comment the other day must not have seen it....i like being interviewed actually it gives someone a chance to learn from me not some news story...im heading to work but feel free to message me any questions and ill answer when im free....know ahead my work schedule is all ocer the place so if it takes awhile im not ignoring you.....have awesome day thanks for genuine interest this  is rare

Eli: Okay, awesome!!! I have a weird work schedule too so I totally understand. I'll try to think of the questions I want to ask and just reply whenever you feel like it. Maybe since you want people to know about it I could post the convo anonymously (or not anonymously, whatever you want) on tumblr or something... Or maybe a summary or something... I have encounters like this a lot where people want to show some aspect of them that is often misrepresented, and there's no place to do so... maybe I should start a tumblr for just those kinds of interviews. But otoh if you want to keep it just between us that's fine too.

I have been curious about objectsexuality/philia for a long time since I heard it mentioned in a documentary, but they only showed the lady and her hubs for like 1 second and didn't treat it very well imo.

Sacha: Feel free to share i like to think im a modern day teacher representing us i e done interviews with a board of psychologists before too...all i ask is an open mind

Eli: And also my [redacted-- interpersonal relationship type]'s other partner was a [redacted-- object].

Sacha: =)

Awesome

Eli: Haha @ board of psychologists, good for them but that's kind of funny to me in a way. Were you there for a different reason or just because they were doing research on sexuality/relationships?

Sacha: This is hubby

Eli: How big is he?

Sacha: They just wanted to learn

Eli: (Do you use male pronouns for your husband?)

Sacha: Hes about. Nine inches tall...i call him he but see him as duel sex in Dr who the matrix(inner workings or heart) of the tardis (timema hine) is female so the outside is male with female characteristics

Eli: Someone once interviewed me for their doctoral thesis on people who have [redacted-- gory historical event] as a special interest (it's my main special interest). Apparently there are lots of us. Other than that, haven't had much chance to be psychologically interviewed even though I was inpatient for psych.

(Hope that doesn't sound scary haha, I'm a pacifist. Just interested in the psychology.)

(And like, the events. Like WWII people.)

Sacha: Thats when i was interviewed i have had five inpatient stays....one of which diagnose me aspie...i also have four other mental illnesses

Im heading out ill respond when i can so go ahead and send stuff as you think of it you wont bother or offend me

Have good day

Eli: I have [redacted-- list of physical and mental diagnoses].

Partners-wise, I am in a poly family. I have two human partners (one cis male and one ftm), and one of them (my cis male partner) has another partner (cis female gf). There is also another one of us who is not technically anyone's partner but is more like all of our "child". We come from a range of different psychologies/neurologies. So, that's a little about my background.

>Hes about. Nine inches tall...i call him he but see him as duel sex in Dr who the matrix(inner workings or heart) of the tardis (timema hine) is female so the outside is male with female characteristics

Unfortunately I've never seen any Dr. Who so I'm concerned that this will be a barrier for me understanding... if there is a certain episode or compilation that you would like me to watch I would be happy if you sent me a link. Or maybe a site about it or something. One of my partners is a fan but I never got into it b/c I don't watch much live action TV (confuses me easily-- bad prosopagnosia and other autism-related issues in understanding it-- and I think the timeline aspect would make Dr. Who even harder for me).

but I understood what you said about dual sex.

So, is that matrix what the heart is on him in the picture? Did you/someone else put that heart on there, or did he come like that?

Speaking of "coming like that", how did you meet him?

Sacha: The episode explaining the heart or soul of the tardis is called "the drs wife" in it an alien takes over the tardis and puts the matrix into a human body and throughout the episode the dr and tardis interact as face to face (instead of him talking to the machine itself which hes does often. It also explains how the dr has a telepathic link to the tardis they're thoughts are one. I believe in animism(everything has a soul) and to me blue (his name i call him...short for bob blue) i believe he talks to me telepathicly his soul i mean the machine is the vessel for the his soul just like in that episode....therapists cannot explain what the voice is but he has spoken to me from day one......the heart i made myself and added it it didnt come like that i just like the symbolism of him having a heart as it both relates to myself (we often cuddle heart to heart) and represents. Both heart of the tardis and life itself it gives him an outer appearance of the life he has inside(his soul or energy) i met him by accident i ordered him on ebay he shipped all the way over from England...and the minute i took him out of the box and held him in my hands i felt. His soul speak to me and a warm energy flow from him to me. I also just found him attractive both visually and sexually....hope this helps feel free to ask more questions

Eli: > I believe in animism(everything has a soul)

oh okay that makes sense then

so did you have this sexual/romantic identity before you met him, were you open to it but didn't label it, or neither?

like how did you start using this label

objectsexual/objectophile

Sacha: Yes since very young...just didnt know it had a name til a friend recommended a documentary on it about a woman who loved the eiffel tower...its called to love a tower....thats when i knew it had a name and started using it as an identifier...that was about five yrs ago right around when i met blue

Eli: i think i've seen a clip of that, but i didn't know it was a whole documentary

do you feel sentimental when you see other tardises b/c they look like him? and/or is the attractive quality something that's either invisible to the common eye (spiritual in nature) or specific to him and his own construction as a particular object

visually attractive quality i mean

idk if that makes sense. like you know how some ppl find their partner attractive in and of themself visually and some people mostly bc they love the person [redacted-- me describing my history of sexual attraction to a person] i'm wondering how this all fits in when there are many other things that are similar looking to your husband Sacha: I do find other tardises attrative and feel same love for them as i do him hes just a smaller version the tardis i love any tardis i see and would have sex with it in a heartbeat but only get spiritual feelings with blue Eli: i see are they sexually attractive BECAUSE of blue or would they be anyway also this is going to be hard to phrase... do you believe he is the object itself, or is he located in or animating the object. like, my [redacted-- interpersonal relationship type] whose partner was the [redacted-- object], it wasn't really literally the [object] itself but the [object] allowed him to "place" his partner, who was invisible, in physical space Sacha: If that makes sense your first person who ive put words to this stuff so bear with me.....  Sexually attractive because of blue but im attracted to the construction of the tardis itself no matter the size Eli: okay i get you Sacha: I believe he his soul is in the object so im in love with his soul but also the object itself....but i see blues soul as without bounds the object holds it but he is also one with me that is my symbolism of our marriage its our two souls becoming one. We talk mentally constantly even when hes not physically with me....but the object gives him a body something to cuddle or kiss or make love to etc. Eli: okay, i see how do your friends and family treat the relationship i see he has a FB page *and possibly family Sacha: Hope im making sense and not freaking you out....my mom accepts as do my friends...it's actually a way to gauge a friends true feelings if they cant accept it then theyre free to leave...i gave him a page and i run things on it for him but it hasn't been used in awhile cause i cant get into his account lost passwords. But to me he is legit a husband in every way i wear a wedding band and engagement rings and we do all the things couples usually do and if someone cant accept it there's. The door i say because i love him and will defend my relationship to the end Eli: no you're not freaking me out, it's making sense so far Sacha: Good the he talks to me part is usually what scares someone away....theyre ok with it til it gets weird when i mention he speaks or we have sex they run the other way Eli: hahaha i figured that's part of it bc you're married... Sacha: Lol yes its a Beautiful part of it to me very spiritual experience akin to meditation Eli: how about therapists and stuff, are they OK with it or do they want you to change itand have you ever gotten into any kind of "trouble" for it with doctors/psych people Sacha: No my current therapist is actually fascinated by it and loves learning and he sees it as a coping mechanism or part of my spirituality...he wanted to analyze the voice blue uses to figure it out and i refused i said i dont care what it is if its physchosis or whatever i wont let you analyze it away from me and he was cool with that saying it was fair...i havent gotten in trouble blue actually helped me get diagnosed aspie i bring him everywhere accept work so he went to hospital with me and they asked me about him which led to an interview with a specialist who said I had asd...and they've been fascinated enough to interview me twice on two seperate stays to a group of students....im actually ecstatic people are curious about it and want to learn non of my experiences so far have been negative Eli: i have to go take care of something but i'll read and continue later, ty Sacha: All good have a good nite Glad i can help I'll be here Eli: =) that's awesome that people have been receptive. interesting that that got you dx'ed re: analyze, curious what he wanted to do you mean like psychologically analyze, or like, sonically Sacha: Psychological --- [to be continued?]