#He has epiphanies at the weirdest moments

[wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt]

I love when House and Wilson are arguing in the middle of a big case, and the conversation goes like this:

House: You've been hiding something from me. And I've finally figured it out.

Wilson: I'm hiding lots of things from you.

House: I went through your place.. I couldn't believe what I discovered.

Wilson: Damn you weren't supposed to find out about the hole in my basement that I use for dumping bodies.

House: Yeah, well - *he freezes* Hole... hole... that's it! He's got parasitic worms up his ass!

*House rushes away, leaving Wilson sighing and thinking about how he should have hid his Beyoncé tickets better*

[slackerlifewhere]

The subtlety of Cale Henituse

SPOILERS for those who haven't finished the first part of the novel. If you don't like spoilers, please don't continue. Thanks!

- This is kind of a review about the novel but it's basically my analysis of Cale/KRS.

___

For someone who has trust issues with people, I first had an initial distrust with Cale Henituse/Kim Rok Soo as a reader.

I think it's because of how he was first introduced.

As a first-time reader of the novel back then, Cale/KRS was introduced as a very indifferent person. He was calm at the face of a sudden transmigration and acted like nothing could surprise him (aside from Ron and Choi Han). And of course, like anyone who was fooled, I also thought that he was selfish. He's not the trash that he thinks he is but he's selfish and I didn't place my full trust in him because I still didn't know him yet. And I like it that way. The author kept me on my toes and didn't force fed me a truckload of information about Kim Rok Soo.

Like I said in my previous post, he didn't actually give us his whole introduction. He left a few crumbs here and there that told us he didn't have a great childhood but it wasn't enough for me to build an image of him in my head. There were still some blanks and question marks about Kim Rok Soo.

Sure, there were moments when he gave a bigger tip to someone without blinking an eye and acting all smug about it but I really just thought that he was happy because he's finally rich. Or when he was being so polite and gentlemanly in front of an old man that Venion was disgusted with and then later on went back to being indifferent and I thought it was just him being extra petty and angry (which he was) at Venion for being an asshole. He's very quick to change from smug to indifference and it made me switch back and forth on how I see him as a person.

Yeah, you need to read between the lines when reading this novel.

[side note: Actually, If I remember correctly, I thought that I wouldn't like his character because I find it weird when MCs in KR manhwa and novels easily shrug off the isekai bullshit they're in. The influence of KR manhwa on me affected my opinion about him and it shows.]

So when he first met the kittens and Choi Han, I was reading it with the feeling of "Run away, guys! Run while you still can!" lingering at the back of my mind. He was nice to them, as much as he could with random strangers he just met, but he's very distant with them.

Another thing about him that makes it harder to understand him is because he's always distant with people. He relies on them and helps them but he's always at arms-length when dealing with them. This, if you didn't think of or was reminded of his thoughts about his abuse and pity, simply makes him look indifferent.

Before I continue, I don't like tsundere characters. I absolutely find them cringe and sometimes, I just wanna bash my head when they blush at the bs they're spouting at someone they like.

Because that's the thing with Cale. He is a tsundere. He says one thing and does the opposite. And he's so in denial about it which makes it more hilarious and sad.

He's subtle about it at first. He didn't even give me the vibe that he's more complex than what he shows because he's so quick to disprove my sudden epiphany that there's something deeper than what he's showing. He's so good at hiding his emotions EVEN WHEN I'M READING HIS POV.

This bastard is so in denial about himself that he fooled me so bad! I think I only realized it when he saved Raon but even then, there were still some doubts about his character. I liked his words to Raon and thought about how kind he is for giving the dragon the freedom of choice but because he later thinks of making Raon do things for him, it shook my trust in him just a little bit. Just a little, I promise.

...Maybe I just have major trust issues.

Taylor Stan

The weirdest thing to me that actually snapped me from my doubts that he's actually a kind person is oddly enough, because of Taylor Stan.

Remember when Taylor and Cage suddenly arrived at the area they were camping in and he finally talked to Taylor face to face? Yeah, he was indifferent there but it's when his tsundere traits actually exploded at my face.

He, while trying to hide from everyone, told them to give Taylor and Cage the best care and protection as if it's the most normal thing in the world.

Mind you, they don't even actually know him aside from OG Cale's reputation as trash. And he also technically isn't supposed to know them because, in the duo's POV, this is their first time meeting him so he didn't have to help or care for them.

He basically acted as if what he was doing was bad in their eyes but in reality, it's not???

He's just helping them and he's in denial about it? He's genuinely being a kind person and he thinks he's trash?

He later gives them money (and acts cool about it) and helps with smuggling (lmao) them to the Roan Kingdom so they can arrive there safely and he thinks he's trash???

He gave this man hope to finally heal himself and fight against his brother and he thinks he's trash?????

Seriously?

Self-hatred

It's why whenever he calls himself trash, I shake my head because it's amusing but I also want to cry because, as I go further into the novel, he fully believes that he's actually trash.

I don't know if this is ever talked about but Cale is hiding a huge self-hatred about himself.

Cale pointed to himself with his index finger.

“I have lived my life as trash. That is my dream.”

- Chapter 33: You

At first, when he called himself trash, I thought it was because his soul is in OG Cale's body and thus, he inherited the title and uses it to cause chaos. It's a part of the reason why but, if I think about it, he doesn't have to call himself that??? He can still cause chaos without using that title.

It's why I think he fully believes it. That he's trash.

I didn't understand back then and thought it was just him loving the title and the chaos that comes along with it.

Him and his smirks or "selfish" ideals made it seem like he's fully embraced the title and liked it that way.

And the way the author hides a deeper meaning behind his words and actions is by making it feel humorous or comical. The author makes it feel extra.

We laugh and find it amusing because it's chaotic. The secrets behind those wild ideas and explosive destruction are brilliant and subtle.

It's why I fully believed back then, that it's a simple story about a man who just wants to cause mischief in a strange world.

And then...his past as Kim Rok Soo is finally revealed by the author.

And it suddenly turns all this humor about himself into a freaking tragedy.

Kim Rok Soo is a tragic character. He's a person who has lost far too much and can only react in indifference even when he's hurting. He's cold in another person's perspective because he doesn't cry when in front of those he lost.

He hates himself for something he couldn't control. He hates himself for being weak. He hates himself for a lot of things. And he hates the scars Kim Rok Soo has because they're the reminder of all his failures and all his sacrifices that only ended up with making him alone. Like he will always be alone. (Which makes his distant personality in the beginning make sense too wtf)

So he takes in their words of him being cruel enough not to cry in a funeral of his friends and fully believes it.

He believes, as Kim Rok Soo and Cale Henituse, that he's trash.

And it absolutely made me cry like a kid when he, as he woke up surrounded by those he befriended and could call family, finally cries with a smile.

This is the first time they and us readers see him cry and smile and it's just heartbreaking.

The whole lead up to this reveal was me seeing him as a tsundere and a freaking crazy bastard that utters "slacker life" like it's comic relief.

It's completely unexpected and I love it.

Because him crying and smiling for the first time is him finally shedding his shields and walls from these people who see him as a kind person.

Cale Henituse, for all his masks and secrets, is just a broken but endlessly kind person.

It's why those who meet him, trust him. His actions are a big reason why they trust him but his words, when it feels hopeless, are eye-opening and full of wisdom of a 36 year old man. He's straightforward in front of those he trusts and tells them something that flips over everything they think about the current situation. And he says it with the experience of Kim Rok Soo.

I believe the only times he lies to them is when he was given the thing that he was gonna use to stab himself and also when he hides his identity as Kim Rok Soo. There's actually a hint of his guilt sometimes...or maybe I'm just thinking too much about it.

Anyways, that's all my thoughts for now.

This subtle bastard made me cry, damn it.

___

That one scene of him crying and smiling is etched in my mind and was reminded of it when I recently saw a fanart. So I decided to write about my feelings about his character and personality.

It's not a mindblowing post or anything new and it goes from humor to angst pretty fast but I think it's just like him. If you analyze his words in one way, it's just hilarious but if you analyze it in another way, it's sad.

I like how the author wrote him. He's a crazy bastard and a tsundere (the only tsundere I'll ever like) and I'm so glad I found this novel.

[fonulyn]

So I'm reading this sad Chreon story - as one does (it's me, I'm one) - and I just had the weirdest epiphany? Like, I dunno, it's probably dumb and far from a hot take or some eye opening character analysis no one has done before but I noticed that people (including myself, so like not saying this in any kind of bad way) tend to write Leon as stand offish, apathetic, and cold. Like this story stated it specifically, said something along the lines of "this is what Leon gets for cultivating a reputation for being unapproachable, apathetic, and indifferent" and the insinuation there is that he's done this on purpose, put on this front to seem unaffected by things when in the presence of others, and I think it's pretty true for his character. Like anything post RE2, Leon is kind of. I dunno, I wanna say deadpan? He seems to express v little emotion, and when he does it's usually in the form of a quip, one-liner, or snarky come back. Sometimes awkward small talk lol. But it feels like he's built this wall, this persona around himself, not just to protect himself from losing more people (bc he probably sees it as some kind of inevitability, and with his track record I certainly wouldn't blame him), but to protect people from him. This poor man has spent so long fighting, trying to save people, and even tho he saves the day in the end, so many people get lost in the process, and Leon feels every single loss personally. Right off the bat we see it every time someone dies in RE2, then again in RE4 with Luis, who he knew for a short period of time and yet mourned so heavily for, and even Krauser to an extent. Leon is someone who is quick to trust, even as he gets older, and we see that in RE Vendetta, too. Like that's probably one of the big reasons he's so devastated after losing his team. Not only was he entrusted with a group (which doesn't happen often, as far as we have seen), but he probably put his trust in them as well, including Petrucio, the man who betrayed them. I just think Leon is such a complex character who hides so much of himself (which is convenient for bad writers at Capcom who can't write good dialogue to save their lives lmao, but I also think it's a decent part of his character now), probably so what happened in RE2 doesn't happen again. Bc that shit was probably so traumatizing, and Leon was still a baby! I'm only a year older then he was at the time of RE2 but like, as humans our brains don't finish growing until age 25, so that kind of trauma at that age is for sure gonna stick with you, and it seems he picked up some unhealthy coping mechanisms from it that's more than just his drinking problem. Anyways I guess I just wanted to rant about how Leon is the most "emotionless" character in RE but in reality he feels and cares so much, so much so that if he doesn't put up that mask of indifference then he'll destroy himself. This man would die so that others could live, he's saved the world multiple times without a care for himself past the need to finish his mission and keep as many people as possible safe. He's such a tragic character and I love him so goddamn much, like he's one of those characters who you aspire to be like, in a way. Selfless, capable, dependable, reliable, smart, passionate, caring. And some of this might be my own character building I've done based off of other headcanons and character analysis posts and stories I've seen, but I do think we see a lot of this in the canon content, too. I just really love Leon S Kennedy, okay? He makes me sad but also so so happy and I love him v much, he is a big time comfort character for me. Sorry for the rant, just needed to scream about this with someone who would understand lol 😅

oh anon, I get you, I dooo. I think that you're right in that Leon has kind of this shell around himself because it's the only way he can cope. but there are so many cracks in his shell, and he lets people in so readily even when it would stand to reason that he shouldn't trust anyone anymore. he gets attached to people lightning fast, and he'd die for them even when he's barely met them.

this borders on headcanon territory, definitely, but I tend to often write him as someone who gets attached easily and falls for people easily (be it friendship or romantic or anything), but then he doesn't know how to properly let people in because he's got his defense mechanisms, he's trying to keep himself from breaking, and what if he truly lets someone past those walls and then another disaster strikes and he never recovers from it?

and I think it shows a lot in how he's so awkward with small talk, he can throw in one-liners and dad jokes and try to keep his own (and anyone else's) spirits up with that. but oh man. beyond that? the boy doesn't know how to naturally talk to people. (even like in Infinite Darkness, with Claire, I think his "don't do anything stupid" was 100% meant to be a joke, both times, but it just didn't exactly land perfectly. poor awkward bby)

but like even though he might put up this unaffected front, he's still so very expressive? like... if you really pay attention to him? he's far from actually an expressionless and cold person. he just isn't very loud about it. (i was just going through ID screencaps yesterday and while Shen May is talking and Leon is on the background, he goes through such a journey in expressions alone :'D)

AND HE CARES. like, for example in Infinite Darkness, he sees Patrick is shaken and the first possible moment he has, he immediately asks him if he's okay and takes a moment to reassure him. they're in a hurry, he's supposed to get going and not check up on a guy he's never even met before, but he does it anyway. and I think it speaks a lot of his character. he's quick to offer support and comfort, and he genuinely tries to be there for others the best he can. he desperately needs someone to listen to him in turn, seriously. give him emotional support, damnit.

and I wanna highlight what you said:

in reality he feels and cares so much, so much so that if he doesn't put up that mask of indifference then he'll destroy himself. This man would die so that others could live, he's saved the world multiple times without a care for himself past the need to finish his mission and keep as many people as possible safe.

because yes. 100%. also this:

he's one of those characters who you aspire to be like, in a way.

like. yes. there was this one meme thing going around which was basically like asking if you feel like you're like your favorite character and I'm just. I fucking wish I was one tenth of what he is :'D

I know not even he is perfect, c'mon, no such thing as perfect people exist (not even in fiction, or if they do then they'd be really damn boring :'D). i'm not trying to claim he has no flaws, or that he never does anything wrong. he has and he does. but the amount of genuine caring he shows and how hard he tries to do the right thing? truly awe inspiring.

i just. I'm right there with you. I love him so damn much. and that's why I spend most of my time writing fic where he gets at least some of that happiness he deserves :'D i need him taken care of, damnit, and if canon doesn't give him good things then i damn sure will.

[whitehotharlots]

Anything changed yet?

The "2020 UGGGHH" discourse is insufferable. It boggles my mind that so many people think an arbitrary temporal distinction is the cause of our nation's collapse. They believe, in all earnestness, that 2021 is going to be better simply by virtue of it being different.

There's a very good chance--better than 50/50--that 2020 is going to be the best of our remaining years, that every year and month and day from now until the sun explodes is going to be progressively worse than the one that preceded it.  

I had a sad, drunk epiphany last night about neoliberal management strategies during our collapse. The general consensus is that people like Mitch McConnell and Larry Summers are evil and stupid. But what if they're actually evil and competent? They know that mass displacement is coming, probably very soon, and they intentionally want to immiserate most people beforehand so that we won't have the resources or will to mount any consequential protest as the cities start to flood and burn and trains start herding us into camps.

You might have heard of The Great Reset. Like all other reflections of our horrific future, the political media recently began referring to it as a "conspiracy theory." Indeed, it has been badly misunderstood by paranoid right wingers. But it's real. There was a Davos conference that was literally called "The Great Reset." Transcripts and videos of conference proceedings can be found with a 10 second Google search. These people put their ideology out in the open for everyone to digest, and now simply re-posting the things they said on record makes you a conspiracy theorist.

These types of Rich People Gatherings--Davos, the Aspen Ideas Festival, etc--should not be regarded as a meeting of soothsayers. They're not even really prognosticators. They are, instead, the collected mewlings of the modern clarisy. Their declarations are meant to placate the hyper elite, convince them that their destructive behaviors are moral and the current system is totally sustainable even though the ground is clearly caving in beneath their feet. 

You can think of the visions set forth at these conferences as sort of what the rich think the best case scenario might be.

The Great Reset's best case scenario is terrifying indeed: one of the very first slides announces that by 2030 upwards of a billion people will be displaced by climate change. We won't eat meat anymore (okay, fine, whatever). Oh, also, our economy will be entirely rentier-based. You don't have any possessions. You rent everything you use. You don't draw a steady paycheck. Everyone is a gig worker. There is no retirement, either; you work until you can't, and then you die. 

This is the world both of our wretched political parties want to build. To the people who control our fate, this is idealism.

The weirdest omission is that they all seem to think that the masses are just going to go along with it. India and Pakistan will not exchange nuclear weapons: each side will merely accept that their countries are no longer inhabitable and instead of fighting for water or territory they will simply sit tight and wait for immolation. Eritreans will humbly march themselves into the sea. American homeowners will simply shrug their shoulders and consent to signing all of their earthly possessions over to Citibank in exchange for a weekly allowance of 4 cans of Spam.

Is this naivety, or do they know something we don't? Are they stupid enough to simply believe that no one will fight back, or are they planning some type of mechanisms for the suppression of unrest?

Maybe neither? Because, honestly, I can't see any reform taking place no matter how bad things get. Next year--after Biden eliminates all remaining vestiges of the social safety net and unemployment hits levels never before seen since the dawn of industrialization and the police continue to murder people at will--we could very well see riots that are ten times as destructive as the ones that hit over the past summer.

So what? What will change? The government will act swiftly to ensure that the hyper rich don't suffer a moment of inconvenience. They will give everyone else the choice of either dying quietly or getting mowed down by cops.

Remember the French Yellow Vest riots? Those were morally clear cut: their shitbag neoliberal weasel president eliminated the wealth tax--because omg can you imagine the injustice of a Kardashian only inheriting 80% of their father's money? To pay for this, France instituted a regressive gas tax and incredibly cruel pension cuts. This generated two straight years of violent, disruptive rioting. Macron's approval rating cratered toward near the single-digits. 

What was the result? The wealth tax was not reinstated. The gas tax was not rescinded. The government made a minor concession on the pension reforms, cutting payments on average by 40%, instead of the 50% that was initially approved. 

This is the efficacy of protest. This is the best us non-elites can to do change the future everyone in charge has very explicitly said they want. 

The Democrat adoration for Biden sends a clear message: you get nothing. You will never get anything. You are a bad person for even asking for something.

I’ve mentioned this before, but Endless war, deadly austerity, and environmental destruction simply do not enter the liberal worldview. Anyone who tries bringing them up is a racist sexist bro who cares more about "preventing the oceans from catching fire" when he should be paying attention to something really important, like the newest trans Marvel hero. L-look at this Beefaroni commercial that features a biracial family... you gonna look at that and tell me we're not making progress? You ingrate. You fucking worm. How fucking dare you be upset that we just stole your pension? Your soul is so blighted by privilege you think you just deserve to not go bankrupt to pay for cancer treatment? 

That's the thrust of liberalism post-Obama. No solutions, just excuses. We're not going to help anybody. But we will give relatively well off people a means of justifying, in their tiny brains, why it's good when the leaders they adore act like cruel shitheads.

[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

chrisdwoo said [re this post]:  

Seriously WTF is with the For All Mankind Reagan hagiography??? (I also feel like there’s some low-key Sally Ride character assassination too)

omg I KNOW, they used so much archival footage of Reagan, even back during the first ep I was like ‘why are they doing this? I don’t deserve this, I’m a good person!’ Now we know why, it’s because the showrunners thought that a finale where a historically aggressive, jingoistic, war-mongering president is swayed from his policies as if they were random whims and not strategic, conservative praxis that destroyed lives by seeing a fvcking handshake would make for good, uplifting, poignant tv? Or something??? The whole thing just reeks of ‘a (probably straight) man wrote this’ syndrome

I don’t know very much about Sally Ride, but I definitely was surprised that she stayed on the Pathfinder mission when they found out the shuttle was going to be armed? I thought that that was the moment where she was going to conscientiously object? Instead, we get that moment in the weirdest and most contrived way in the finale, because again, the showrunners mistakenly thought that Ed nearly starting a world war that would kill millions of people over the declining state of his marriage would but then not doing that after his crew talks him out of it would be poignant and relatable?

It felt painfully obvious to me that they really wanted that ‘military dad who hates commies but has an epiphany and doesn’t fire a missile at a Russian ship’ moment and that they worked backward from that point, and that they needed some kind of conflict for Ed for that scene so they contrived issues in his marriage without actually showing any, and that it didn’t work because the real problem here is that Ed isn’t actually interesting, he’s just another emotionally stunted white man who gets defensive when you mention that he’s white and has a job that puts him in a real position of power

And I realize that that’s a LOT of venting about a show that isn’t the subject of this blog, but all of that is to say that the comparisons between FAM and H&CF are patently absurd, and that I resent all of the critics who are trying to push this agenda (and who are pretending that these two series don’t have, like, diametrically opposed politics??)

Halt made its mistakes, a lot of which were resolved or rendered forgivable by its final season and refusal to fully ‘redeem’ and/or reward its most controversial character. But it did not do the inane kind of bs mentioned above and does not deserve to be associated with that, Halt’s legacy deserves respect, damnit!

[calciumcryptid]

Mineta Redesign/Rework

Okay, I lied I'm not doing a redesign mainly because Mineta has the weirdest body and I don't want canon Mineta to keep staring at me as I edit his body.

*shudders*

I will write out what I would adjust however.

Explanations

I would change the yellow to green to keep with the theme of grapes.

I would ditch the scarf and change it to a sash with small stick circles so he is able to carry containers on him.

I would tighten the gloves, and have them padded so he can avoid any possibility of having any of his hair oils getting on his fingers, but the pads could dip into it so he can use his hair oils to climb if need be.

I'd also add some spikes on his wrists (which repersents thorns) so he has a quick way to smack people in the face.

Ditch the weird diaper thing. I know it is a part of his running gag of being a big baby but no self respecting hero would have it.

Keep the sticky belt however, that is the only thing I like about his canon design.

He can keep the face mask, but I also want to add a visor with technology upgrades.

I would also tighten the boots and have the soles of it be sticky as well so he can climb.

Maybe add some elbow and knee pads shaped like leaves for the Grape aesthetic.

Character Rework

He still acts the way he does, but he only does it for his first year at UA. Towards the end of the first year, he gets isolated from the rest of the class and is confused about it. After all, in his mind he has done nothing wrong, and Shinsou is being more accepted even if he isn't in the class yet.

Second year, Shinsou is an instant hit with the class and Mineta doesn't understand why they like Shinsou more then him because Mineta has been with them for a year while Shinsou hasn't.

He goes to Hound Dog about this (he is the guidance counselor please use him Horikoshi). Hound Dog sees Mineta's desperation about being isolated and alone so the two schedule appointments constantly to work through issues.

Mineta becomes very quiet for the first half of the second year and he spends most of his time training and making adjustments to his pro costume.

Midway through the second year, Midoriya invites Mineta to a class hangout where Mineta learns they have been doing many of these without him. He attends, and starts acting like his canonself again and one of the girls snap (it can be any of them but I am quite partial to Yaoyorozu or Jirou doing it).

This an epiphany moment for Mineta.

At the end of the second year, Mineta gathers all the girls that he has harassed and publicly apologizes to them and that he promises that he will work to make himself better.

He upholds this promise during third year, and halfway in he starts dating a female General Studies student who wants to become a scientist that develops antidotes.

If you have been following my Next Gen stuff you'll know that this is Koki Chio whose quirks allow her to create any substance if she knows the chemical makeup. In the Minetaverse she was the unfortunate victim of assault by Mineta, but in this rework she is his girlfriend and eventual wife.

[alchemist-shizun]

About that Carry On Prinxiety AU

For now I laid out a bit of the plot, if you want to share some ideas just hit me up~

This is going to be a LOT to take on my shoulders but I will try and probably fail BUT TRYING IS KEYWORD (i really do believe in myself don't I? Everything under the cut!)

Since they all have their peculiarities, I'm gonna say that yes Virgil might be the Baz and Roman could be the Simon of this story, but I think either would fit for different reasons so they just have the same energy and will keep their own characterization. (If I'm able to not go ooc on this one wish me luck)

If I'm creative enough I'll try making an American school that is located in Florida, so that the characters know nothing much about what's happening in Watford and I can still make references without chronological contradictions.

Thomas could probably be the head mage too. I'm imagining him being very interested in the Normal culture and dressing like a Normal adult instead of the head of a great magical school, his "obsession" (kind of like Arthur Weasley's, if you will) is not really well-liked by most of the mages (especially the Old Fams), some believe that the students should have a better example instead of a man that always seems on the verge of leaving the magic world behind. The students, on the other hand, love him very much thank you. (yes even the ones whose parents insult him)

Oh my god I just had an epiphany: imagine Thomas obviously being in love with Disney and maybe Roman is very close to him so like he's talking about Virgil and Thomas just STRAIGHT UP STARTS SINGING SMTH LIKE THE MUSES' PARTS IN WON'T SAY IM IN LOVE OR LIKE THAT LION KING ONE AAAAAAAA and Roman is like ssss t o p but in the end joins in because he's w e a k (same)

Anyway for the main bois what I was thinking was that, with the prophecies about the Chosen One being there for a long time and them not knowing about Simon or anything, (this is becoming like Skam, there are many Snowbaz in the world) they just so happen to find in Roman an extraordinary amount of magic

Everybody is convinced Roman might be the Greatest Mage, the info flies out into the magical world of America but they decide to not share the info with other states. Roman gets very excited about this and works hard and trains himself in preparation for the big moment where he was going to have his big fight.

Virgil is his roommate (oh my god they were roommates), and of course, they can't stand each other at all. Virgil is definitely fed up with this story about the Chosen One, which Roman brings out in any possible conversation, so he uses it against him to tease him. Just imagine Roman bragging about something and Virgil being like "yeah but for a Greatest Mage you still haven't done anything so Great", or like Roman is having trouble with a spell or a subject? "Aren't you the chosen one?", Virgil only brings it up to make him mad and loves his flustered face. (keyword "loves" *wink*)

As much as I'm hopelessly in love with the idea of Vamp!Virgil (which would fit if he had Baz's role), I just had an angsty idea so I'm saving it for later c:

Hey how about a half-elf Virgil??? Anyone? Sorry I love elves

As for the time they spend together, they do the same thing as Simon and Baz, they avoid each other, spend time out of their room if the other's in there, make up different routines so they don't have to share anything and only really stay in the same room if they have to sleep. (idk why i said "if" like they don't need sleep)

Let me remind you that the beds are very close.

One time Roman woke up in the middle of the night and screamed in fear upon seeing a figure on the window.

It was just Virgil and he almost fell out, he would have probably smacked his head if it wasn't for the roommates' anathema or whatever it is called in english.

Virgil said he just couldn't sleep but he will never admit it was because of a pretty violent nightmare.

Roman does really think that he doesn't sleep at all and just uses his magic to stay awake judging by the dark circles under his eyes.

idk about you but I like the idea of Logan being something similar to Penelope, so Logan is Roman's best friend, they had met in the first year and Logan seemed one of the only ones who didn't approach Roman only because of his fame about being the Chosen One. Logan is simply amazing and brilliant at all subjects and surprises everyone since he's said to come from a family with weak powers.

Roman finds in him a very valid studying companion and he has to admit a lot of his best spells come from practicing/learning them from Logan. Also Logan loves explaining the stuff he's learnt, while Roman has this insatiable will to know everything to be able to defeat whatever bad guy will present in front of him. They basically become inseparable, despite having some friendly fights that are always solved with a snack break.

They !! deeply !! care !! for !! each other !!

Out of the other characters idk if Patton would fit anybody entirely, but I'm going to keep the 3v3 groups, so Pat will most likely be hanging out with Roman and Logan, he's actually very good friends with Virgil (none can escape Patton's friendliness) and tries to reason with Roman when he's mad about something Virge might have said. He's probably the reason why he hasn't killed Virgil yet. Patton doesn't come from a big family and lives with his grandmother when he's out of school. (I still have to develop this)

Forget about Dev and Niall and get ready for Deceit and Remus. I don't wanna give a headcanon name to Deceit bc I don't have one so he's gonna be a mysterious boy and everyone will call him Dee since it's the nickname I use for him. Both of them are two chaotic messes in their own ways. Dee, despite still being composed most of the times, is VERY fixated on his society discourses and arguments, he could come up to you one day out of the blue being like "so about the plan to overthrow the government" and you probably never even heard of it in the first place

JUST GIVE ME PASSIONATE DECEIT

Remus, on the other hand, messes a LOT with spells and you can see him traveling to the weirdest places. One day he was found trying to make the water creatures do a circus bit for him. People don't know how he's able to make his way through tests, but it's actually because he loves bugging Dee since he doesn't give the slightest shit about the weird things he suggests and they often end up studying together.

(I had the wildest thought thinking about Remus as Trixie)

Virgil, Deceit and Remus are what people call the "Untouchable trio", only because they come from the highest and oldest of the Old Families. They had been friends ever since kids since their Families met quite often, they never really fell apart despite being very different from one another. They're actually pretty chill people, it is only their surnames that make some people wary of them. They're not generally approached by anyone.

Idk if I wanna bring Emile and Remy in this, but I am tempted™, I'll think about it

So, Roman, am I right? Forgot to say he comes from a pretty big fam of hunters, they're the types of people that are lovable but won't hesitate to kill a bitch if needed.

But Purp, where's our creativitwins content? Thing is, yes they're actually brothers, but they were separated ever since kids for reasons none really knows? They never talk about it, even if asked to. They were given to two different families. They're aware of each other, but none has ever seen them interact. (I might find some angsty backstory on this just you wait)

Up until here Roman has always believed himself to be destined to the greater good, he's the chosen one, his destiny is the one to be the protagonist of the magic world and its hero.

At least that's what he thought until the fifth year.

One day during the fifth year, Virgil was doing homework on his room's table when Roman bursts in, louder than usual, and throws himself face-first on the bed, uncaring about ruining his hair or his clothes. That was an unusual sight since he never came into the room before evening or even before dinner. Virgil immediately knew something was wrong, but he didn't realize how serious the thing was.

So of course, he teases him a bit trying to get some info from him but only makes the situation worse. When Virgil calls him Greatest Mage as a joke, that's when Roman finally snaps at him in a way that Virge would have never expected. Roman really is enraged, yells at him and throws his pillow across the room since he can't hit him. He storms out of the room when he feels tears forming in his eyes, but can't really hide his sobbing as he goes away.

Virgil is just standing there, aware that he had just made Roman cry for the first time in his life and hated the sight with his whole being.

Roman had just learnt that he wasn't, in fact, the Chosen One, nor the Greatest Mage. Just an ordinary mage, like anybody else, who, in his opinion, had no other destiny than to finish school, find a job and just ... live?

So he's destroyed, all those dreams revealed themselves to be castles built in the air.

School is ending and Roman is just a bit numb, he's not really failing his classes but he's not as bright as ever. He barely leaves his room and doesn't talk to his friends as often, who are very concerned. Even Virgil tries to talk to him at some point. Thomas visits him when he has time and tries to work through the issue with him, but for the rest of the fifth year, there's nothing much to do to cheer him up.

Things seem to go back to normal as years pass and he's not in the spotlight anymore, none really talks about the Greatest Mage anymore and mages just carry on with their studies as they've always done. Everything's fine and normal.

And Roman hates it. But he's working in the shadow, so none notices his discomfort.

It only happens when he reaches the eighth year. It's impossible for Virgil to not recognize that Roman is slipping away at night and only comes back after some hours, either with dirty clothes or things tangled in his hair, he always came back different from when he left, meaning he definitely was wandering off outside.

One night he really can't stop thinking about how worried he is that Roman might get in trouble by himself, while he could probably prevent that, so he decides to follow him. Apparently, Roman is trying to find some kind of important and scary adventure to prove to himself that he's not as useless as he thinks himself to be, but Virgil still doesn't know this.

Virgil doesn't know what to do about the situation and decides to talk to Patton about it, in the end, the two of them decide to make a plan to talk to Roman with Logan, too.

On the other hand, Roman had been seen hanging out with Deceit or Remus, or both at the same time, trying to pry out information from them about how to get to certain forbidden spots of the school if he ever needed to. Surprisingly they don't ask many questions.

Chaos ensues when one night everything goes horribly wrong.

SO YEAH these are a bunch of things that I got right off the bat, I still have to think about the entire plot but don't want to spoil anything, basically the story would begin on the eighth year, just like Carry On, when Roman starts sneaking out. There might be things I need to fix but still I repeat that this is just a draft or a bunch of ideas that I got together somehow.

Tags: @soul-of-a-vixen & @flowersheep who wanted to know more about it~ (I'll write it as soon as I can!!)

[deniigi]

So... what would happen if DAFoggy and Murderdock were, by a cruel joke of the universe, babysitting for a few hours? (Perhaps a careless Nelson family member left their kid with Foggy for a little bit... except that I'm not sure what kind of family relations this Foggy has...)

Hm.

Well I don’t think that Foggy would willingly let Matt near any of his nieces, nephews, or cousins. He would orchestrate an impromptu picnic if he had to to avoid it.

I do have a little piece of Murderdock accidentally bonding with Sammy, though anon, if you’re hankering for some family feels.

–

“Ignore him, he’s concussed,” Mr. Nelson said of the pile of limbs in the corner of his office.

Gwen could not.

“Did you just drag him in or..?” she asked.

She wanted to go over there and poke Murderdock so bad. So bad, man. This was a once a lifetime opportunity.

“Elektra did,” Mr. Nelson said.

Gwen sat all the way up.

“Is she staying after all?” she asked maybe just a hint too excitedly. Mr. Nelson chuckled at her.

“No, she just tangled him into another one of her schemes, you know how it is. She’s coming back for Sammy in a bit.”

Wait, what?

Gwen inched and leaned closer and found, to her surprise, that curled up against Murderdock’s chest like a newborn kitten, was a squished-looking Sammy. He too, was sleeping.

“Is it past bedtime?” she asked.

“More like, Matt’s subconscious is convinced that he’s going to die if he’s exposed to air,” Mr. Nelson said.

Gwen snickered.

“He’s not his apprentice,” she pointed out.

Mr. Nelson huffed.

“Well, technically, he could be if Elektra has her way, but until then, Sam’s more or less his nephew, so it’s not unwarranted.”

Gwen didn’t believe that shit for a second.

“He doesn’t have feelings, Mr. Nelson,” she reminded. “And I thought you said he and Elektra aren’t actually related?”

“They can communicate telepathically, Gwen, if that’s not siblinghood, I don’t know what is.”

Gwen wouldn’t know. She pursed her lips and looked back over to the Concussion Corner. Sammy made a soft noise in his sleep. Murderdock’s mama cat instincts compelled him to pat at the kid’s face and tuck him impossibly closer into his chest.

“He’s gonna suffocate him,” she pointed out.

Mr. Nelson took a moment to look back at the two of them.

“Ehn.” He shrugged. “Kids are bendy. He’ll be fine.”

–

Elektra came back after a while and made pleased noises at Gwen, then left her and Mr. Nelson to go stand over Murderdock thoughtfully.

“It’s cute how much they already love each other,” she sighed.

Gwen thought of Sammy’s outright refusal to engage with Murderdock and the mutual teeth-baring thing they did at each other.

If these three people were a family, then they were the weirdest one Gwen had ever seen and her own included a cop and a spider-person.

“I’m just gonna—” Elektra sang as she did a cute little ‘I’m workin’’ shimmy with her hips and bent over to extricate her apprentice from her murder sibling. Sam woke up at her voice and muzzily twisted around to see her.

“Sensei,” he mumbled.

Murderdock snapped awake at the word. Elektra smiled at him. He glared at her shoulder.

“Whaddya want with me?” he slurred.

Elektra cooed.

“I want the tiny one,” she said. “Give me the tiny one.”

Murderdock would not. Even Gwen could see that one coming. He closed his arms tighter around Sammy who was apparently so sleepy and resigned to his fate that he allowed this and even dropped a cheek against Murderdock’s collarbone.

“He’s not yours,” Murderdock slurred. “Kid’s got agency ‘r s’methin’.”

Aha. Aha.

Dude. Think about what you’re saying.

“No, pooh-bear, he is mine,” Elektra said sweetly. “Give him back, please. I know you’ll miss him. He’ll miss you, too.”

“I don’t miss things,” Murderdock snarled. Sammy closed his eyes and went back to sleep, which was honestly probably the most sensible way of dealing with the nonsense happening around him.

“Bullshit,” Elektra accused, “You miss me, don’t you? Hm? Hm, hm, hm?”

Gwen had an epiphany that the face Murderdock was making wasn’t a malicious one, but rather an ‘I am so tired and you are exhausting’ one.

“Yes,” he said flatly.

Apparently this was the path of least resistance. Mr. Nelson seemed to think that was hilarious. Elektra was delighted. She bopped him in the shoulder good naturedly.

“Atta boy, Matty. You just keep feeling them feelings and one day you might even—”

Murderdock stood up and took Sam with him. Sam wrapped his arms around his neck at the motion but didn’t struggle or anything like that.

“This is mine now,” Murderdock said.

Elektra was up in an instant.

“Give him here, Matthew.”

Damn, her voice got dangerous real quick didn’t it?

“Matthew, give him to me.”

Murderdock was definitely still a little woozy and off balance from his minor head trauma, but he smoothed himself out, sniffed, and told Mr Nelson he’d be free for the next “Uuuuuuh, day. Let’s say day. Good day. Night. Whatever time it is. Peace.”

Elektra grabbed the back of his jacket and pulled firmly.

“Matthew,” she said.

“But I miss you,” Murderdock shot back, sickeningly sweet. “I’ll miss you less if I have something to remember you by, yes? Don’t you just want me to be happy, dear menace?”

There was a long pause between those two. Sam coughed in his sleep.

“I hate you,” Elektra announced.

Murderdock shrugged.

“Join the queue,” he said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an apprentice to put to sleep.”

“Matt,” Elektra barked, chasing after. “We have a flight to catch! Give him back!”

Their voices trailed off down the hall. Mr. Nelson cleared the last of his paperwork off his desk and stood up.

“I think that’s us for the night, Gwen,” he said. “I’m headed out.”

She looked up at him in awe.

“I need to befriend Sam,” she said. “This is my way in, Mr. Nelson. Don’t you see?”

Mr. Nelson laughed.

“I dunno, Gwen. It’s kind of backfiring on Elektra. Learn from your elders’ mistakes.”

[atinyidea]

Appellation | BTS | COMING SOON

╭                                                                            ╮

      Appellation /ˌapəˈleɪʃ(ə)n/ noun

      FORMAL

      noun: appellation; plural noun: appellations

      a name or title

╰                                                                           ╯

a series of one-shots created around a singular word and its meaning.

appellation masterlist | main masterlist

Agnothesia ——— Kim Seokjin

n. the state of not knowing how you really feel about something, which forces you to sift through clues hidden in your behavior, as if you were some other person—noticing a twist of acid in your voice, an obscene amount of effort put into something trifling, or an inexplicable weight on your shoulders that makes it difficult to get out of bed.

☞ When your tail was punctured with a harpoon and your body encompassed in a net your claws couldn't cut through you thought the best decision would be to shift to a form with legs and pretend you were not, indeed, a siren but rather a shipwrecked human with amnesia. However, plans can only go accordingly for so long on a boat full of pirates with a captain harbouring his own secrets, though they were more alike than anyone could have ever guessed.

Fata Organa ——— Jeon Jeongguk

n. a flash of real emotion glimpsed in someone sitting across the room, idly locked in the middle of some group conversation, their eyes glinting with vulnerability or quiet anticipation or cosmic boredom—as if you could see backstage through a gap in the curtains, watching stagehands holding their ropes at the ready, actors in costume mouthing their lines, fragments of bizarre sets waiting for some other production.

☞ After a rather abrupt end to a protest rally, you become acquaintances with one Jeon Jungkook of BTS, not that you knew who he even was when you ushered him into your tattoo parlour so he wouldn’t be caught be ‘guarding officers’. The two of you hit it off from the beginning but it was nothing more than a flirtationship, neither of you expected to see each other again. Until you did, over and over again in the weirdest, and most usual, places until one day your brother is their opening act and that night you have a new client.

Keyframe ——— Kim Taehyung

n. a moment that seemed innocuous at the time but ended up marking a diversion into a strange new era of your life—set in motion not by a series of jolting epiphanies but by tiny imperceptible differences between one ordinary day and the next, until entire years of your memory can be compressed into a handful of indelible images—which prevents you from rewinding the past, but allows you to move forward without endless buffering.

☞ When you travelled to Paris on a split-decision-three-month work-vacation-thing to get away from a partner that just wasn't taking the hint (ex-partner but... maybe it's still too new to recall that bit?) you never thought you'd meet and agree to marry a stranger after a few seconds of looking into their pleading eyes (very pretty pleading eyes on a very pretty face, maybe you were a bit distracted?). Spending three months sharing an apartment with a stranger would've sounded insane to you at any other time of your life but he made it easy to just.. live.

Monachopsis ——— Jung Hoseok

n. the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, as maladapted to your surroundings as a seal on a beach—lumbering, clumsy, easily distracted, huddled in the company of other misfits, unable to recognize the ambient roar of your intended habitat, in which you’d be fluidly, brilliantly, effortlessly at home.

☞ As a young a fairly successful sculpture artist you were no stranger to anxiety and stress. You were, however, completely new to the depths you fell to after realising you were burnt out and unable to create anything that inspired you anymore. Luckily for you your equally talented and burnt out fiancé has a couple of tricks up his sleeve (including and not limited to a lake cabin retreat in the middle of nowhere for two weeks).

Mimeomia ——— Min Yoongi

n. the frustration of knowing how easily you fit into a stereotype, even if you never intended to, even if it’s unfair, even if everyone else feels the same way—each of us trick-or-treating for money and respect and attention, wearing a safe and predictable costume because we’re tired of answering the question, “What are you supposed to be?”

☞ DESCRIPTION COMING SOON.

Semaphorism ——— Kim Namjoon

n. a conversational hint that you have something personal to say on the subject but don’t go any further—an emphatic nod, a half-told anecdote, an enigmatic ‘I know the feeling’—which you place into conversations like those little flags that warn diggers of something buried underground: maybe a cable that secretly powers your house, maybe a fiberoptic link to some foreign country.

☞ As a well-loved queen marrying an equally loved king you knew that the ceremony would no be a small matter of occasion. However, you had thought that a group [ an entire group ] of assassins wouldn't pose that much of a threat under double the amount of guards but when your reception is interrupted and lives are up for ransom you take the time to prove yourselves as worthy of royalty. If it means getting stabbed so the man you love can win a fight then, so be it.

The Tilt-Shift ——— Park Jimin

n. a phenomenon in which your lived experience seems oddly inconsequential once you put it down on paper, which turns an epic tragicomedy into a sequence of figures on a model train set, assembled in their tiny classrooms and workplaces, wandering along their own cautious and well-trodden paths—peaceable, generic and out of focus.

☞ DESCRIPTION COMING SOON.

[aaronbleyaert]

Hey, Bley. Hope you're doing well. I have a bit of a dilemma. In May, my friends and I decided that in mid-August we'd all move out to Colorado together (we're from Michigan). At the same time we made those plans, I had just started a new summer job. I ended up meeting a guy, hitting it off, and we've been dating for almost two months. I fly out to Colorado in a week, and he leaves for college this Friday. We want to do long-distance, we're just hesitant because...well, it's long-distance.

There’s this movie. It’s maybe my favorite movie of all time. If not, it’s certainly up there. And regardless, it’s one of the movies that I’ve seen the most in my life. It’s called “Kicking and Screaming”. No, it’s not the piece of shit Will Ferrell soccer movie - it’s a movie about these four guys and how they choose to spend the first year of their lives after college. It’s great. I can’t recommend it enough. One of the funniest, weirdest, and somehow most honest movies I’ve ever seen. 

At the end of the movie - and I’m going to spoil something for you, here - the main character, Grover, whose girlfriend moves to Prague after the first scene of the movie and he spends the entire movie missing her and not listening to her messages - Grover is dropping someone off at the airport, and suddenly has an epiphany: He’s going to finally, FINALLY go to Prague and see his girlfriend. It’s a big moment; he runs to the international flight counter, and tries to buy a ticket. The woman behind the counter tells him they’re all sold out. Undeterred, Grover gives a big speech - one he’s been working up to for the last year (and the last two hours we’ve been watching him) about how much he finally understands that he wants to go to Prague, how he needs to go to Prague, how he must go to Prague. The woman looks at her computer again. The tension builds. She smiles. She has a ticket. Grover, elated, pulls out his ID and a credit card. The flight leaves in an hour. He’s finally made a breakthrough. He finally is taking steps to make his life right. He is finally going to Prague. The woman asks for his passport.

He doesn’t have it.

Grover is devastated. We, the audience are devastated. The woman who works for the airlines is devastated. He doesn’t have his passport. He can’t go to Prague.

But then she says something. Something obvious, really: “You can always go tomorrow.” Grover smiles, and takes his ID back.

I’m going to say two things. 

1.) I don’t believe that long distance relationships are relationships. I’ve said this a hundred thousand times before, both on here and to people in real life. Some harsh Real Talk: I’ve missed out on a great relationship and an amazing woman because she lives in a different state. A LDR is just not something I think can happen (or rather, it can, but you have to have some sort of plan to eventually NOT live apart). So, yeah. Y’all ain’t living in the same state for the foreseeable future? Y’all ain’t goin be in a reelashunshep.

2.) “You can always go tomorrow.” Grover takes the entire movie to get to the point where he wanted to go see Jane in Prague. The reality? He didn’t really want to go to Prague. All Behavior is Purposeful, after all - if he wanted to visit her, he would have (and maybe he still does & will). There’s nothing stopping you two from seeing each other. Save up money. Visit when you can. Talk on the phone. Text. Send dirty pics (but never include your face, obviously). The reason why most long distance relationships don’t work is because most people, like me, are not willing to MAKE them work. So put in the work. If this guy is worth it, the feeling is mutual, and you two have a real connection, go for it. Don’t let the arbitrary rules of this sad old man stop you from chasing something that could be great. But be honest with yourself: Be self aware and cut it off if it’s not working. 

Put another way: If it takes you a year to work up the courage to go to Prague, you never really wanted to go to Prague.

[amieyhko]

Déjà vu

27 december 2020

"Yes, you've already been here. You were never really here, but you are." Déjà vu-s have followed my life at the weirdest moments in my life. Sam Oppa told me they are prophetic signs that the Spirit-(Wo)Man in you has already travelled with the Holy Spirit through space and time. Your spirit is not bound. Our bodies, so limited, are thwarted back in this warp of where-have-you-been's and unfamiliar-familiar's. Déjà vu-s are common for me. It starts off eerie, almost like I'm being pranked by my best friends, then it becomes comforting, like I belong.

In October, I binge watched Emily In Paris upon Vicky's recommendation. She said the series reminded her of my current situations. "This is Amie In Seoul Season One!" is what Joyce told me one afternoon after wandering the streets of Seoul with her. If Emily can Paris, I can Seoul—at least I speak the language and groove the culture, albeit insensitively.

The first few months of being twenty-six contained a lot of flashback like moments. There were oddly many moments where all my senses were triggered by odd smells in the traditional markets, the dry heater hums of the subways, and the sound of leaves gently dancing down.

Right about a year ago, I asked God why I couldn't "stay". The idea of leaving Taiwan to go to Hungary long-term felt like it was all I ever wanted but it still felt difficult. All the senses of abandonment issues were rising and one metro ride, I heard Him speak so audibly to my heart. He said I could stay, but don't I want to grow, don't I want better?

The word "better" didn't make sense to me when God was infinitely good. What does it matter when goodness is steady? I was wrong. Goodness grows. Yes, it is steadfast but it is a process of becoming steady. Better is the process with God, stagnation is a lie.

So the week God told me to stay in Korea, I was taken back to this moment of defining words. I laughed at God's humor. Yes, I'll stay. It's almost like my flashbacks were flashforwards. Now, is just the present moment I get to savor.

These moments would creep up as I cooked a meal, sat in the subway, glimpsed a commercial flash by my eyes, chatted with my new friends, and most recently, as I've been designing and translating at my new job.

As affirming these sights have been, I'm learning to build intimacy with God not just through signs but just His tangible voice. As affirming these revelations have been, missing the last chapter of my life comes in waves. Realizing I'm never alone is grounding, but being physically so far away from loved one is another. I have a lot of friends, but I don't. I'm surrounded by prayers yet ineffable inadequacies haunt me. Yes, 2020 is ending but thriving will be an ongoing process. My year of privilege has been defined but gratitude will still be a choice I make, over and over.

This reflection feels more abstract and less update-like, but there really hasn't been much to report. New job has been steady, new place has been cozy, and new loves have been growing. I haven't come up with a name for 2021 yet but I'm just basking in the definitions of 2020/privilege until an epiphany strikes. I'm hopeful. I think God's really excited for 2021. I would love to join the hype.

[pinkbowastrology]

Your description of Taurus moons in the MTL ask/post is 100% me lol. Especially attributing ideas to small material objects.

That’s such a relief to hear, honestly! I’m glad this is far reaching and I’m not just nuts. I date a Taurus (and my brother is a Taurus moon) and BOTH of them react in very strong ways sometimes when it comes to meaningless material stuff. And, like, it took me a really long time to realize that those reactions weren’t A. super naggy or B. kind of miserly. Essentially, the idea that an object or a small promise represents a larger concept isn’t even so crazy (it actually makes sense when it’s explained) but on the surface (you have to remember that I’m a blunt ass fire sun sign and fire moon sign) it looks kind of insane. My brother was actually the first person to finally make me understand it: I promised to grab him a pack of batteries or something one morning–and, like, for whatever reason my day ended up veering toward the insane so I never made it the store. Whaaaat a weird fight. From my perspective, all I could think was “are we seriously having a pissing match over something that costs four dollars right now?” But from his angle, it was more like, “You told me you’d do it, I was counting on being able to use my X-Box controller, YOU UNRELIABLE DEMENTOR. THE FABRIC OF MY SECURITY HAS BEEN RIPPED OUT FROM UNDER MY FEET. YOU SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME, ARE YOU GOING TO FORGET THAT NEXT TIME, TOO??? IF I WAS STARVING AND I ASKED FOR A SANDWICH, WOULD YOU LEAVE ME HERE TO DIE??”    

And, like, honestly, contrary to the way that ALL-CAPS dialogue makes him look, my brother is actually a pretty moderate guy–he never fusses; he puts up with the weirdest people, he’s almost endlessly empathetic. But, boy, he does NOT like his basic sense of security (or simple comforts) messed with. I remember it being a bit of an epiphany moment for me. Which is sort of why I feel like I’m always preaching that people of every sign can get along as long as they understand each other.  I’m definitely the type of person who likes to think out-loud or suggest ideas that might not have any follow-through ( I swear, it’s like I get more pleasure out the idea of something than the actual thing sometimes) and that’s a trait I’ve definitely learned to be careful about around my Taurus folks. They are NOT about that. If you say you’re gonna grab some batteries, you better do it. 

[hazelbaum]

Y'all, 

Let me begin by telling you a thing. 

I am a person with a lot of problems. A lot. I come with baggage and insecurities galore. And yeah, I know a lot of people do. Most of us do. It's just a thing we go all through, things we carry with us until we either crack under them or learn to grow up with them. 

I believe it's human. So very human. 

Recently, I have discovered my health is shit. Which I knew, but now I have been diagnosed. There's sort-of a plan and a path I have to take to get better. And that guy in the photo is ready to hold my hand through it all. Go to the appointments, surgery, and whatever else I have to do to accomplish my goals for a healthier life.

And guys, up until yesterday I found it absolutely crazy that this man actually wants me in his life despite all my shit and problems. Not even despite, he loves me with all my shit and problems and doesn’t want me to face them alone.

I had no idea, up until yesterday, why though. I mean, I still don’t completely understand, but I had this like epiphany yesterday and it just felt like everything made sense.

Sounds fake and cheesy, no?

I’m not sure how to explain it, but it was like something just hit me like a freight train and I realized this amazing man is mine and I am allowed to have him and be happy. It was like everything just fell away, my past, my insecurities, and any doubts I had about myself were just gone. Like POOF! 

Like the last few months with him were finally catching up to me, I dunno if that sounds right, but I don’t know how else to explain it, but yeah, it was like this big ah-ha! moment. 

My brain and my heart were all like, hey you! Just accept it! You’re happy, you love him and he loves you, now forget about everything else.

I dunno, I just really feel free and weightless right now. 

I mean, it’s the weirdest thing I’ve probably ever experienced. But I feel good. Really good, like the best I’ve been in forever. 

And y’all, I don’t deserve this man, like for real. He went to school with me this week and he doesn’t even go to school. Like I drove 40 minutes to school attended my 2 back to back 3 hour studio classes and he sat in lounge area creeping on me through the glass, watching Netflix, and just waited for me to get out of class because he wanted to spend the day with me. 

Like y’all, is he for real? Who waits for 6 hours!? Stares at me through the window? Gives me hugs and kisses on my breaks? Sits in a slightly uncomfortable couch for 6 hours on Netflix? Just to spend time with me?!

He does.

And that was yesterday, he also came with Monday (2 days before yesterday) and did it for nearly 5 hours. 

It was yesterday when I had my epiphany. I was making myself some dinner and texting him while doing so and it just happened. Like it was ordinary, but extraordinary at the same time. 

I’m still sorta wigged out by the whole thing, but I dunno feels sorta normal, I guess. 

I just think I’ve reached a certain milestone in my life and I can finally let. shit. go. 

It’s like one of those things where you’re like yeah, Jessica that was 7 years ago, I’m over it, but you’re not actually over it until you are, which you never know when that it is until you do. I dunno if I’m making sense. But that’s what happened. I had my moment and I let go of my shit and now I’m over it. I have an amazing boyfriend who means the world to me and I’m lucky enough to call him mine and nothing else matters. 

I’m free.

[aporiven-blog]

Sharpshooters Log

@pidgepodgepadgepudge​ @stargazershiro​

Sorry for it being a bit belated. I’m in a place with no internet. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it <3 Happy Voltron Positivity Day!

Sharpshooters log stardate…something. I dunno what date it is tbh. Mullet McCrankypants AKA Keith mcFREAKING Kogane is like the WORST teacher in the history of EVER. I can hear him yelling over my shoulder right now about how I don’t take instruction well, but let me tell you my dudes, you have to maybe EXPLAIN stuff in order for ANYONE to take instruction well. Now he’s yelling and saying he explained just fine. LIES AND SLANDER I TELL YOU!

Let me just set the scene…

Allura decided we needed to be more proficient in weaponry that wasn’t our own. For one week, the princess decided we’d pair up with a fellow paladin and learn their bayard weapon, which was AWESOME! I mean everyone’s bayards are pretty cool imho so yeah, I’m SO down. First, I got to work with Hunk which okay sure it’s a gun, but Hunk’s bayard weighs a freaking TON. But me being the sharpshooter of the group (Keith is now snickering and mutter something about being the sharploser. He’s super proud of that burn. Whatever.) ANYWAYS. Once I could figure out how to CONTROL the giant laser gun I wasn’t half bad, but I also see why Hunk has that weapon. His aim isn’t made for squeezing off single impossible shots like yours truly, and I have a hard time just shooting a steady stream where Hunk is ON POINT. So, it’s kinda cool to see how each of our bayards was chosen for us for a reason!

Pidge was next and HOO BOY I didn’t think I would have so much FUN with that little thing, but grapplehooks are my JAM! I was actually pretty beastly at it. WAY better than Keith. (Keith would like me to inform you that he was good at it…just not as good as me. Keith has now punched me in the shoulder…hard.) I wasn’t bad at that either. Tbh, I gotta say this really helped me figure out that I could probably wield anything if I put my mind to it.

Probably even a sword if I had a less crappy teacher (He hit me again). As you can guess after I mastered repelling with Pidge’s bayard and Pidge blew a hole in the wall with mine (Kickback is NOT a 14 year olds friend) I moved on to mullet.

There was a whole lot of whining on my part and Keith telling me to just deal with it, because we HAD to do it, which was true but the whining and complaining always made ME feel better. Honestly, I was kinda of excited at first to try out a sword, I mean what kid doesn’t dream of fighting the forces of darkness with a bad ass blade (For the record Keith wants me to inform you that I only have that dream because I watched too much Bleach growing up).

ANYWAYS. So, me and Keith are standing face to face. I’ve got a practice sword, which okay so Pedro, my older bro, he had a sword, he took a few classes with it before he realized he wanted to do something else (mainly be a pilot at the Garrison). So, he showed me some things, so it’s not like I didn’t know SOME THINGS about how to hold a sword. Of course, it’s not GOOD enough for Keith, which okay I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it was pretty sloppy. So, Keith started walking around me like some sort of drill sergeant and he’s NOT SAYING ANYTHNG, just using the point of his bayard to move my feet, my stance. He pushed my shoulders down because they weren’t in the right position. I asked him what he was doing and he told me my stance sucked, and he was trying to make is suck less.

Once that was FINALLY finished we got to actually use the swords. I held my stance and waited for Keith to do something but he just stood there. I snapped at him not like yelled but LITERALLY snapped at him because EARTH TO KEITH, or more like SPACE to Keith, but that just doesn’t sound as good amirite? I dunno what he was thinking about, but his answer was “Stuff.” I mean, what kinda answer is that anyways? Stuff. Once mullet joined us in the land of the living once again, he showed me a couple of combos. You know perry perry thrust thrust, gooood. Princess Bride? Anyone? Come ON it’s a CLASSIC. I picked it up pretty well. (Keith is behind me arguing that I didn’t, but considering my crappy teacher I think I did). I wasn’t AWFUL, but I wasn’t KEITH. I never could be, could I? That was the whole problem with…with well EVERYTHING. I was never going to be a as good, or as smart or as freaking WONDERFUL as Keith Kogane. That didn’t mean I wasn’t going to do what I always did and try my hardest though. So, I mirrored every stance, every move Keith made. Until I could match him stroke for stroke. It wasn’t as pretty that’s for sure, but it was a solid effort. (What no comment from the mullet gallery?)

The problem was…I like to talk. I mean, if you know me, I don’t really know when to shut up. So, the entire time, I was talking….and Keith wasn’t a fan I guess. He started out okay. I mean I grew up on video games with my siblings. Trash talking is what you did. It was just a whole nother part of combat tactics. At first Keith was down you know? He would shoot things back, not very GOOD things. He’s never been great at sick burns like yours truly. (If he keeps punching me I’m gonna have a bruise).

The point was at first Keith was enjoying me running my mouth. He was engaging which to me is SO important, but eventually as all things do with us, it turned into a fight.

“Why can’t you just focus on your moves, Lance?” Keith asked me with his frustrated huff. It sounds like an emo 15-year-old girl. (Ha! Dodged that one!)

“What are you too distracted? Gonna be real sad when I tell everyone I beat you by talking smack.” I pointed out with a satisfied smirk. How lame was THAT gonna look?

So, Keith started going at me harder, faster, you know basically I was pushing all of his buttons as usual and that just made my mouth run ALL the more.

‘You missed that one, Mullet. Oh! That one too! Wow are you getting worse?” Which is when Keith decided that he would do the most UNHONORABLE thing and sweep my legs out from under me and PIN me to the mat, which by the way was NOT how the exercise was supposed to go. I was VIOLATED PEOPLE!

I’m pinned and this jerk is sitting on me which his HEAVY af thighs and he pins my wrists to the floor and just like full on growls. “Would you just shut UP for once in your LIFE?”

Now normally this is where people shut up, but ask Danny Delasario about how much I shut up when my life is being threatened. My dentist can vouch for the fact I do NOT shut up when I am told things like that. Anyways so, I’m staring at Keith and HOO BOY if looks could kill I’d be out an airlock already.

Mullet’s eyes are narrowed, breath coming in short sharp bursts, nails digging into my wrists slightly, and the first thing that pops in my brain is if this wasn’t Keith, it would be kinda hot, which I did NOT say thankfully, but what I did wasn’t much better. In true Lance McClain style and jutted my chin out and issued a challenge.

“Oh yeah, Keith? Why don’t you make me?”

Yeah, probably not the BEST idea I’ve ever had, because the way he was looking I was pretty sure dude was gonna pummel me into the floor at any moment anyways so might as well go out with a bang.

You know what he did next? He put his hand OVER my MOUTH like I’m some kind of 12-year-old. So, like a 12-year-old, I licked his palm. That grossed him out enough to get his ass off me, which gave ME enough time to pin HIM to the floor. So, I’m pretty much doing a victory dance by now, because Keith is PINNED and I did THAT and I deserve a pat on the back, but Keith is wide eyed and is giving me the WEIRDEST look from where he’s lying and I can’t quite figure out what’s going on. (Keith has expressed that I NEVER know what’s going on which I responded to by kicking him in the shin). I just keep staring, but because I have NO idea what to do about this quiet considering Keith and it’s FREAKING me OUT.

Which escalated SO quickly because Keith went from intently trying to stare a hole into my head to yanking me down by my chest plate and kissing me. Three things happened in that moment. One: I panicked. Full on HOLY CRAP SOS MAYDAY panicked. Did Keith hit his head when I rolled him for the pin? Two: I had some sort of epiphany that MAYBE just MAYBE this was the reason we were fighting all the time. Some weird sort of tension that had NOTHING to do with rivalry or hating each other AT ALL. Three: I kissed him back.

Hands in his hair with a strange noise that I wasn’t even sure I made. I pulled back first because well Keith was under me it’s not like he had a whole lot of places he could go. He smirked up at me and I my cheeks must have been SO bright from blushing, but I still managed a cool and collected “what?” (Keith says it was neither cool or collected and that I squeaked), and Keith grinned.

“Shut you up, didn’t I?” He asked smugly.

So, then I wiped that smug look right off his pretty face.

Now I’m documenting the momentous occasion because I think the world needs to know that I, Lance Alejandro McClain have caught Keith Kogane in my love web…  

…and I’m not letting him go any time soon.

He’s pulling me away now. He can’t get enough of thi-

=END OF LOG=

[hipsofsteel]

Find Out For Yourself

A RusCan fic written during FemSlash February 2015 (FrUk and eventual AmeBel as well) 

Prompt: Person A goes by an alias, to the annoyance of B. The only way B will learn A’s name is to “find that out for yourself.”

Anya Braginsky has been using an underground social site for years to speak to other members of the LGBTQ community. Her best friend is a user named MapleBabe, who was her first friend online. Two years after their first online meeting, they both agree to go to Hetalia University, and MapleBabe challenges Anya to discover who she really is. While trying to figure out the mystery, Anya meets Madeline Bonnefoy, a fellow member of the school's women hockey team, and develops a close friendship, all while still trying to discover and meet MapleBabe. She might be a bit closer than she thinks.

PS This work features Trans Girl America

[Chapter Masterpost Here]

Chapter One: Mystery

There’s always those ‘shady’ sites on the web. People assume that if you’re on them, you’re a bad kid or a pervert.

There’s one site though, that I love. It’s a chatroom site designed to bring in the closet kids to a safe place. There’s escape buttons on every page, and you can find support from people going through the same problems as you.

So, I guess that’s why I’ve been using this profile to meet people for the last two years.

My actual name is Anya Braginsky, though my online friends call me AnyaBee. I’ve known that I’m a lesbian from the time I realized some women like other women more than men.

I’ve never actually dated a girl. The town I’m living in is far too narrow-minded for that.

Next week though, I leave for college.

My laptop dings, and I pick it up.

MapleBabe is online.

Ah. My best friend.

AnyaBee: Hey, how’s it going tonight?

MapleBabe: Am I allowed to murder my little brother?

AnyaBee: What did he do this time?

MapleBabe: He decided it was cool to draw penises all over my sketchbook cover.

AnyaBee: What is he, twelve?!

MapleBabe: I know. I have to go burn the front cover now and purify my sketchbook. I was so fuckin pissed.

AnyaBee: So, ready for college?

MapleBabe: Yep. I guess we’ll finally see each other at some point, since we’re both going to Hetalia University.

AnyaBee: It would help if you told me your name. You know mine already.

MapleBabe: Well, you’ll just have to find that out for yourself, Anya.

We’ve been talking to each other nearly the whole time I’ve been on this website. Part of the reason why I haven’t actually dated anyone is because I want to meet Maple first. She’s sweet and funny, and rarely swears, unless her brother’s an idiot. However, she’s also a pro at online security. No real name, just that same phrase. You’ll just have to find that out for yourself. Drives me crazy in both bad and good ways.

We talk for a while longer, until the message MapleBabe has escaped appears on my screen. That’s the nice thing about this site. It informs you if they just disconnected or hit the escape button. Makes it easier to figure out if you want to keep messaging someone.

I lean back, sighing. I hope I’ll be able to meet up with Maple eventually.

Hetalia University is a small private school. It’s got a huge expanse of private property to it’s name, and the campus is a gorgeous green in the middle of a big city.

Really, it was the only option I even considered when I was looking at schools. Big city instead of small town, amazing science program, and a huge GSA.

And I got a dorm with one of my best childhood friends, Odeta Laurintinas.

“Oh wow. This room is just for two people?” She stated when we entered. There was a oven and stove, a decent sized fridge and mini-freezer, and two awesome comfy beds, along with a shower-tub.

“Basically a giant badass hotel room without the TV.” I said after examining the room.

She nodded, and we settled in for the night.

I was here at Hetalia on scholarship, for which I had no shame. I was here as a player on their women’s hockey team. They were one of the few schools to offer it.

So the next day I went to meet my coach and some of my teammates.

I was a tall woman, and I almost always ended up playing offensive, which I didn’t mind. Some of the older girls greeted me with smiles.

Coach Baudin grinned. “It’s good to see you again, Anya. You’re one of two new players to join us this year.”

I nodded. “It’s good to be here.”

At that moment, another player came out onto the ice. “Coach Baudin, I’m sorry I’m late.”

The coach turned, as did I. A small blond woman was skating out towards us. “Ah, good to see you Maddie. Girls, this is Madeline Bonnefoy, our other new edition to the team. She’ll be playing defense.”

She smiled. I was a little curious. I was the tallest of the girls, but most of them were either fairly tall or pretty broad. Madeline was a whisp. How’d she even get on the team?

I soon found out.

It was a usual test to put the new kids on opposite teams and see how well they did with the team and against each other.

Almost every time I got to the goal, Maddie was there, trying to steal the puck from me. Needless to say, we were fairly bruised by the end, especially when I slammed into her at one point and we both went down.

AnyaBee is online

AnyaBee: Well, I hurt in places I didn’t even know existed.

MapleBabe: What happened?

AnyaBee: Hockey practice was extremely brutal. I went up against the other new player. Nice girl, kinda small for a defense player, but she was super good.

MapleBabe: We small people have to establish we can kick the tall people’s asses sometimes, or else they forget to respect us.

AnyaBee: I know, but ouch at the same time...

MapleBabe: Well, how goes the search for my true name?

AnyaBee: I’ve literally been here two days, don’t get angry at me yet.

MapleBabe: I’m not angry, just curious.

AnyaBee: I’ve got a class early tomorrow morning, so I’m gonna sign off now.

MapleBabe: Okay. Good night.

AnyaBee: Good night.

I leaned back into my bed, glad for Advil. Odeta was watching Chopped as a study break. She was surrounded by medical textbooks.

“What’s the weirdest item in the current basket?”

“Fruit loops.”

“Mm, remind me to get some of those for breakfast sometime.”

“K.”

MapleBabe: Whatcha have for breakfast this morning?

AnyaBee: Fruit loops in my dorm room.

MapleBabe: Shame. Twas pancake day in the cafeteria. They actually make awesome pancakes. I was expecting something from the microwave.

AnyaBee: Given how much we’re paying them, they’d better not fed us microwave pancakes if we decide to buy food.

MapleBabe: It’s pancake day every Tuesday.

AnyaBee: I’m receiving the hint, my dear. However, trying to find out who you are is not going to be narrowed down much when we are surrounded by other people.

MapleBabe: But not all of them will be eating pancakes.

AnyaBee: Wow, that makes it so much easier…

AnyaBee: Do you know that there were exactly sixty-seven girls eating pancakes this morning in the cafeteria?

MapleBabe: Sixty-eight if we count you.

AnyaBee: Har har har how do you know I didn’t smuggle in some oatmeal?

MapleBabe: That’s easy. I saw you.

AnyaBee: ...

AnyaBee: ...

AnyaBee: you’re kinda mean, you know that?

MapleBabe: Well, that’s not very nice.

Maple and I talked nearly every day, though not very long after hockey practice, because I was usually ready to pass out.

In hockey however, I struck up a friendship with Maddie. She was gorgeous, and loved the sport. I learned she’d been raised by two dads. Her papa had gotten married to another man when she was about five.

“And that’s how I got a younger sibling. No actual relation, just by marriage. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love them.”

“I’ve got two sisters. One older, one younger. Their names are Sofia and Natalia.”

“Oi, Bonnefoy, Braginsky, get over here.”

“Yes Coach!” We both shouted and then skated over.

MapleBabe: So, have you come to any conclusions on my identity yet?

AnyaBee: No.

MapleBabe: We’ve been in school two months. I’m at pancake day every day, eating pancakes.

AnyaBee: Yeah, I’ve narrowed that list down to about fourteen girls you could be.

MapleBabe: I saw you had eggs this morning.

AnyaBee: I’m not as loyal to pancakes as you must be.

MapleBabe: Only because they are delicious and one can cover them in syrup and also it’s not just flapjacks. There are crepes, potato pancakes, all sorts of flat, delicious food you can make in a pan.

AnyaBee: Like hamburgers.

MapleBabe: Now you just sound like my brother…

Winter break came, and with it, dread.

I didn’t want to go home to see my family. If it was just my sisters, I would be fine, but my parents were not people I wanted to be around.

When I told Maddie about my dread, she nodded. “I just might have a solution.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. My papa loves having people over for Christmas. Dad’s not particularly social, but if papa insists, he’ll be fine. So, why don’t you come over to my house for Christmas?”

I paused. “Maddie, what religion are you?”

“Well, it’s weird. Papa is Catholic, dad’s Church of England, and both Alfred and I are protestant.”

“I’m Eastern Orthodox. I don’t actually celebrate Christmas on December 25th. I celebrate Epiphany on January 6th.”

Maddie paused. “Well, then there will just have to be a second celebration for Epiphany at my house.”

MapleBabe: So how’s it going?

AnyaBee: I’m fairly happy. I don’t have to go home for Christmas.

MapleBabe: Really? Where are you going?

AnyaBee: To Maddie’s house. She’s the other freshman hockey player, in case you don’t remember.

MapleBabe: Oh no, my Anya’s going to another girl’s house! How dreadful! I must speak to this Maddie and tell her you’re off-limits!

AnyaBee: Are you trying to write a jealousy sub-plot into my friendship?

MapleBabe: No, I’m being a sarcastic butt.

AnyaBee: I was also being sarcastic.

MapleBabe: Love you.

AnyaBee: Love you too.

Maddie’s house was a strange culture clash in a way.

I met her papa Francis. He was borned and raised in France, and seemed to be a flirtatious man, though Maddie told me despite the demeanor, he was only in love with her dad.

Arthur Kirkland was a stiff-backed, permanently on edge Englishman. He and Francis were always having little arguments, but you could tell there wasn’t any real venom in their voices. It was more like their way of teasing each other.

Maddie’s brother was a sophomore in high school. Alfred Kirkland spent most of his time in his room, ignoring us.

“He’s been acting weird lately. Don’t worry, it’s not you.”

I spent most of my time in Maddie’s room, and there I finally confided to her.

“I’m a lesbian.”

She looked at me, and then nodded. “Okay.”

She was the first person I’d ever actually said the words to, and soon I found myself spilling out everything. How I figured it out, joining the website, meeting MapleBabe, how I knew she was a student at Hetalia, but I still wasn’t sure who. How I thought I loved her, but I was beginning to feel like maybe she was just toying with me.

“I mean, I know she’s just worried about her life being compromised, but I just wish I knew who she was. It would make it hurt less when she tells me how good I’m doing in hockey, or how she knew what I had for breakfast on Pancake Tuesday.”

Maddie nodded. “That sounds pretty rough, Anya. I’m sorry.”

“The worst thing is just not knowing.”

She nodded, and then took my hand. “It’ll be okay. You’ll figure it out eventually.”

MapleBabe: How are you, y dear?

AnyaBee: Good.

MapleBabe: Happy Epiphany.

AnyaBee: Thanks.

AnyaBee: BTW, you left the M off my.

MapleBabe: M

AnyaBee: Wow, such fix.

MapleBabe: Wow, such grammer you has.

MapleBabe: We’re a back at the old Hetalia University.

AnyaBee: Yep.

MapleBabe: Random question, have you ever just said Hetalia over and over again.

AnyaBee: No…

MapleBabe: It’s really fun. Try it.

AnyaBee: No thanks.

MapleBabe: Fine. HETALIA HETALIA HETALIA HETALIA HETALIA HETALIA HETALIA HETALI-

MapleBabe: -A

AnyaBee has disconnected

MapleBabe: Fine, spoilsport.

Christmas had been good. Maddie’s whole family respected my religion, and Francis even offered to drive me to the nearest Eastern Orthodox Church, which I accepted.

After I came back from services, Maddie handed my a little box. “I thought you might like this when I saw it.”

I lifted the lid off the box, and inside, made of colored glass, was a sunflower.

“You had the image taped in your locker of a big Mammoth Russian sunflower, and I thought you might…”

“It’s beautiful. Thank you, Maddie.”

She smiled, and I nearly said something, but then stopped myself.

“Oh, and we made something special for you for dinner.”

I raised an eyebrow, and Maddie guided me into the kitchen-dining room. Francis had just finished setting the table. He turned and smiled. “I looked up some recipes online. I hope that nothing seems like I was stereotyping your heritage.”

Breads, fish, soups, and more. It seemed like an attempt at a nice Russian meal with a French twist.

“Thank you, Francis. I…” I wanted to cry, in a way. “It’s…”

“You don’t have to say anymore, Anya.” He smiled at me. “I’m just glad that you’re having a good time.”

MapleBabe: Do you miss your parents a lot?

AnyaBee: No. I miss my sisters. Sofia moved out, and she’s living with other people, but it’s too close to feel like I can visit. And poor Natalia’s got another two years before she can leave.

MapleBabe: I’m sorry.

AnyaBee: What about you?

MapleBabe: I had a really nice Christmas at home, though my brother decided to hide nearly the whole time. I wasn’t sure if I was glad or mad about it. I mean, I haven’t really got to see him since I left in the fall.

AnyaBee: Well, he’ll come to realize how awesome you are eventually.

MapleBabe: Oh god, you sound like one of my uncles. He never stops saying awesome.

MapleBee: It’s probably the first world he learned. Just like “Awesome blah blah awesome awesome awesome ME!”

AnyaBee: I will try to avoid accidentally impersonating your uncle in the future.

MapleBabe: Ow...

AnyaBee: What happened?

MapleBabe: Roommate threw her DD bra in my face. She just finished her laundry.

AnyaBee: At least it’s clean…?

MapleBabe: WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!

MapleBabe: And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end. We are the champions. We are the champions. No time for losers...

AnyaBee: Are you going to keep typing Queen lyrics?

MapleBabe: Shut up.

MapleBabe: And yes.

MapleBabe: 'Cause we are the champions...

MapleBabe: OF THE WORLD!!!

AnyaBee: I see you have heard the hockey results.

MapleBabe: My dear, I was there cheering you on.

AnyaBee: I’m glad you were able to come today.

MapleBabe: Yep. Though to be honest, I kinda think we need to change the spelling of hockey.

AnyaBee: ...Why?...

MapleBabe: Just think about it. Hock-i

MapleBee: Except without the dash.

MapleBabe: It’s Tuesday, oh glorious pancake TuEsday!

AnyaBee: I’ve narrowed it down to eight.

MapleBabe: It’s February 7th. You’ve got a few more days until the day of love. Which coincidentally, is the next Pancake day.

AnyaBee: Whee, thanks for reminding me.

MapleBabe: Yee of so little faith. I’ve been giving you clues since January.

AnyaBee: What are you talking about?

MapleBabe: I knew that by keeping this game going so long, you were gonna need some help. Go back to our chats since New Year’s, and use your code-breaking skills to find my hints.

AnyaBee: Alright. I’ll play along for now.

I groaned, and Odeta looked over. “You okay?”

“Supposedly I’ve been missing the coded message this girl has been sending me.”

Odeta paused. “Remember when we used to pass coded notes back and forth?”

“Yeah.”

“She’ll have probably used something that hid in plain sight. Otherwise it would have been too obvious.”

“Very helpful.”

Odeta shrugged, and returned to her textbook.

Two days later, I sat in the library, thinking.

Maddie came up. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, just that Maple told me she’s been sending me coded messages since January.”

“A code? That’s kinda cool. Alfred and I used to send each other coded messages.”

“What type of code did you use?”

“Oh, I’d purposely misspell a word, and the missing letter or capitalized one was one of the letters in the word. Then I put them in order to spell the word.”

I paused. “That’s a weird code.”

“But it worked. Papa and dad never figured it out.”

Maddie’s phone suddenly started ringing. “Oh, I’ve got to take this. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, same.”

I waited until Maddie had left, and then I tried her code. Maple was almost always a proud member of the grammar and spelling police. Misspells or weird spellings would be obvious.

M

A

I

E

MapleBabe: So, any luck today?

AnyaBee: Maie.

MapleBabe: No.

AnyaBee: The M left off of my, the hetali-A, the suggestion to spell hockey hock-i, and TuEsday.

MapleBabe: So close. You are so close!

AnyaBee: But not right?

MapleBabe: No, not right.

I might have just slammed my head into a brick wall. I paused before typing again.

AnyaBee: Where are the missing letters?

MapleBabe: MA-IE

AnyaBee has disconnected.

I found the date window in which I was looking at, and re-read every entry.

No misspells or strange grammar.

“Where are you, Maple?”

I scrolled through it again when I found the comment about her uncle. I stopped to laugh, until I realized that she’d capitalized ME

MAMEIE wasn’t a name though, unless Maple’s parents had an unusually cruel sense of humor.

I started to scroll down again, and then stopped.

MapleBabe: Roommate threw her DD bra in my face. She just finished her laundry.

DD…

I wrote it down, wondering, doubting.

But the name in front of me was one I knew.

MADDIE

[anavoliselenu]

freedom chapter 8

My foot bounced up and down irritably on the cold tile floor of the waiting room. I had been here ten minutes and was already about to make a dash for the exit. I hated hospitals. There were germs everywhere and sick people just never went away. This wasn't a good place for me to be. To top it all off, Selena was late.

This was our first doctor's appointment, and the news still hadn't really sunken in yet. I didn't want to let my mind drift into the fears I was having. I needed to talk to my therapist first before I started to freak out. That was a different appointment for a different day, though. I had to focus on Selena right now.

Where the hell is she?

Since yesterday, when I was blindsided by the fact that I was now going to be a father, I had suddenly became a new man; a man I couldn't really explain. I had always felt protective of Selena, but I was now obsessively trying to keep her from harm, especially with her past pregnancy. Everything around became a target for danger. This morning, I carried her down the stairs so she wouldn't trip. I didn't even want her to go to work anymore. I had to ward off all danger.

There was so much that could go wrong, and even though I wasn't really ecstatic about this news, Selena was. If she wanted a baby, then that's what she was going to get.

I checked my watch again and saw the hands ticking. Thankfully, my phone rang, pulling me away from boredom.

"Bieber," I answered.

"Justin, this is Jane. You have a conference call from Japan. They want to talk about your offer. I have them on hold."

"Shit. I'm at Selena's doctor's appointment."

"Oh," She squealed, "Is it a boy? Is it a girl? Can you see it? What does it look like? What did the doctor say? Is everything alright? Oh, God. Is she sick? Do you need me to come down there?"

"Jane! Please, let's stay focused. We haven't gone in yet. I'm in the process of buying the largest weapons manufacturing company on the planet and you're going on about baby stuff."

"Sorry. I got carried away. So, they're on hold. Shall I reschedule?"

"Yes. And cancel everything for the rest of the day."

"Will do, Justin. Oh, and the man with the Jackson Pollack wanted to know if you were still interested in buying."

"What's his price?"

"Just over two million."

"What do you think?"

"It's invaluable even if it is overpriced."

"Would Selena like it?"

"I'm sure she would. It's a beautiful painting."

"Alright. Buy it and have it placed in storage."

"No problem. Tell me everything later."

"Goodbye, Jane." I hung up.

Times were changing for me. Of course, I was thrown a wrench when Selena announced she was pregnant, but I didn't plan on stopping my life altogether. I was scaling down on my business, so that I could focus on "family work". I couldn't do it all and Bieber Inc. was going to have to be run by someone else.

Of course, I owned the majority of the shares, so I wasn't going anywhere. I just couldn't be at the office like I had been doing. I was neglecting my real work. Carlisle could take over whenever he came back and handle the business aspect of the company since he didn't have anything better to do. I still hadn't really told anyone yet, though. Not even Selena.

I was backing out of Bieber Inc., but I still hand other obligations. In short, I needed to make the Cullens the best crime family in the world. That included scare tactics so no one else would dare mess with us. What would happen if someone saw my name attached to a global weapons manufacture? I'll tell you what would happen. They would run. That was my ultimate goal.

To have the world's most advance firepower at my disposal was an amazing feat. I still didn't even know if it could be done legally, but I assumed this would be just as any other business transaction. Someone always has a price for their goods.

To the government or anyone else watching, I would be in control of defense manufacturing. Nothing super big such as missiles or anything like that, but I'm sure the CIA would love to know what I was up to. Now, instead of me going to buy guns, I could have them made and in large quantities. I could fund wars if I wanted. I don't think I would go that far, but it was an option. I still hadn't put the plans in motion yet, but it was going to happen. I still had a few things to work out. Forget miniscule real estate and car importing. Guns were all the money was at. I would be one the most powerful men in the world.

I wasn't supreme, unfortunately. I had constant reminders of how inadequate I was when compared to my peers. They all had their drug rings and slave trafficking systems. People in my circles had Illegal diamonds, dealt with political heists, accumulated ancient family wealth that could fund small countries. To be honest, the Cullens weren't doing so well with anything like that. We had guns, but no one was buying anymore. I planned on changing that. Everyone needed weapons and if I played my cards right, they could get them from me or go without.

"Is this your first time?" a very pregnant woman asked from next to me, making me realize that I was in the real world. She was reading a magazine and looked fairly uncomfortable with her rounded belly. I decided that she wasn't weird, and I could bless her with conversation.

"Yes, I'm waiting for my wife."

"That's so sweet." She pouted. "This is my fifth. By now, my husband and I just expect a baby about every year."

"Fifth? That's…a lot of kids."

"You have no idea." She pulled a candy bar out of her purse and started eating it. "But I love children so it's what I want. How many months along is your wife?"

"I'm not quite sure," I admitted. "This is our first appointment."

"You don't sound too excited."

"I don't know how I should feel."

"Most first-time fathers are like that. You'll change as the months go on. Do you have names picked out?"

I shook my head.

"This little one is going to be named Yani." She patted her stomach. "It means 'God's gift' in Hebrew."

I recalled my language skills. "Yes, but in Sanskrit, the pronunciation means 'female genitalia' and in England, it's slang for a monkey so…"

She thought for a second. "Damn. Now I have to think of another name." Her lip started to quiver. "But I really liked that name."

Large tears started to pour from her eyes almost instantly. I had no idea what was going on or what I should do. It was the weirdest thing I had ever seen. This woman was eating her chocolate candy bar while crying at the same time—and it wasn't just droplets of water. She was full blown, funeral sobbing as if her husband had just been buried. Not only that, but after a couple seconds, she started to wail.

"Um, you have to stop that." I awkwardly patted her knee when people start to stare.

"Now what am I supposed to name my son?" She sniffled.

"I…don't know. That's not my responsibility."

"What's your name?"

"Justin," I answered.

"I like that." She started to dab her eyes with a tissue. "I think I'll name him Justin."

"I would prefer you wouldn't."

"Why?"

"Because…that's my name."

"I know and I like it. You ruined my chances at having a good name so I'm taking yours." Just like that, she turned into some she-devil and was about to bite my head off.

What the hell is wrong with pregnant women?

"Justin!" Selena came running down the hall and out of breath. "Sorry I'm late. I overslept."

I popped out of my chair. "No, it's okay. I was worried."

Selena kissed me, and then looked at the woman still sitting. "What did you do to her?"

"Why do you automatically assume I did something?"

"Because you make people cry. That's your thing."

"He told me that my son's name sucked and then he wouldn't let me use his."

"I did not," I argued. "I was just informing her of what might go wrong if she insisted on sticking with the name. I didn't say it sucked."

Thankfully, we were saved by a nurse. "Isabella Bieber. We're ready for you now."

I almost threw Selena over my shoulder and carried her; anything to get away from the psycho lady.

"It was nice meeting you." She waved, still eating her candy bar.

"That woman was crazy," I whispered to Selena.

"She was pregnant. You can't say everything that pops into your head. Hormones are a bitch."

We followed the nurse down the hall and into a room cleaned room. I breathed a sigh of relief and looked around at the sterile environment, happy that I didn't have to wipe everything down with Clorox.

"So, the doctor will be in after I do the preliminary testing and things like that." The nurse smiled. She patted the bed for Selena to sit on. I stood by the door awkwardly.

Selena seemed slightly nervous, but was trying not to show it.

"Alright, so this is your second child?" the nurse asked.

"Um, second pregnancy," Selena clarified.

"Oh," She wrote on some kind of chart. "Well, first of all I'll need to check your hormones to see if you're even pregnant. Sounds like you are, but we just have to check. Then we'll determine your due date, take some blood, go over your medical history, and then you can ask the doctor any questions you have."

Selena nodded. "Sounds good."

The nurse turned to me. "Are there any questions you have for me, Mr. Bieber?"

"Not that I can think of at the moment."

"Okay, well then, let's get started."

I had to leave the room while they did their "lady tests". I didn't think I was prepared to see what was going on in there anyway. The nurse took some blood to be sure Selena was in fact pregnant. Selena was indeed pregnant and currently two months along.

"Can we see it?" Selena asked hesitantly.

"Well, unfortunately, not right now. It's a little too early. This is just your first appointment. We'll try again when you come back at twelve weeks."

"Oh, that's okay." She nodded, slightly saddened.

Within two seconds, I sort of had an epiphany. Watching Selena lay there silently, taking deep breaths with that look on her face was all I needed to see. She had that look which told me 'I already love this baby'. I wasn't overly enthusiastic about this situation, but I wasn't going to rain on her parade. This was my child. I had created something that she was now carrying.

That blew my mind.

I let out a gust of air in realization.

"Is there anything you want to asked, Justin?" Selena said to me.

"Not right now."

She took my hand and squeezed. "Thank you for not freaking out."

"I'm not going anywhere, Selena."

We just sat there, waiting for the doctor, and I realized that maybe this wasn't the end of the world. A child could be a good thing. It obviously made Selena very happy, so all hope wasn't lost. I knew it was my job to produce heirs, but I never thought this would be happening so soon.

Then when, Justin?

I wasn't sure. It had to be sometime soon, so I supposed now was just our time.

Selena gave up so much to be with me, this was the least I could give her.

The doctor came in with an enthusiastic gait and immediately started in with a speech that I figured he gave all his newly expecting patients. It sounded very mechanic, but his smile was there to tell me, 'Everything's going to be fine. I'm a good doctor'. I would have to check him out later.

He gave Selena prenatal vitamins, put her on a healthier diet, and instructed us on what we should do in the first few months of pregnancy. I took precise mental notes because I didn't want to miss anything. He told us things like, 'This will be an interesting pregnancy' and 'I hope you're prepared for what's about to come'. That didn't make me feel any better, but I was trying not to let it show.

By the time we left the office, I was overwhelmed to the point of frustration.

"So, what do you think about all of this?" Selena asked me as we walked towards our cars, our hands intertwined.

"I'm not sure what to think yet," I answered truthfully.

"It's happening really fast."

"I know. Seven more months." I breathed deeply. "Wow."

Selena stood up to kiss me chastely. "I'll see you at home." She started to pull away.

"Wait, where the hell are you going?" I held her tightly.

"To my car. It's over there." She pointed.

I didn't like the sound of that at all. Something was telling me that this wasn't a good idea. She didn't need to be driving or walking for that matter. Anything could happen to her or the baby, and then it would be gone. I wasn't there with her for the last time, but I could only imagine the pain she must have went through. Selena still sometimes cried about losing Elizabeth, and it stabbed me like a knife every time I had to listen to her tears. I didn't think she could go through that again.

The doctor's explanation was that things just happened. I wasn't happy with that answer, but it was all we had to work with. We had to make sure she was healthy and safe; that was all we could do.

"Selena, how about I drive you and then I'll have someone come pick up your car later," I suggested.

"Oh, okay. Why?" She looked confused.

"I thought I heard something wrong with your engine the other day," I lied smoothly.

"Are you sure? It sounded fine to me."

"No. It's definitely broken. Let me drive you." I ushered her towards the other end of the parking lot and suddenly realized that my Saleen wasn't very safe. Regardless, I felt better with Selena in the car with me.

I opened the door for her and refrained from actually setting her into the seat like some precious egg. Selena wouldn't like that very much, but she had to realize that she was incredibly delicate right now.

We weren't losing this baby!

"How about we stop off at the grocery store so we can get you some of that food the doctor recommended," I said as I started the drive home.

She pulled out one of the brochures I had picked up at the doctor's office."This said I should keep eating normally and try to have a variety of healthy things. You don't have to go back to work?"

"No. I'm taking a few days off to make sure you're okay."

"Justin, you don't have to do that for me."

"Yes, I did."

"That's incredibly sweet of you."

"I can be that way sometimes," I chuckled. "So back to grocery shopping, anything specific we need to get?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Any cravings yet?"

"You know, I woke up yesterday with this strange need for peanut butter, even though I don't really like it. But I think it's too early for cravings."

"So, we need peanut butter for sure."

"I guess we do." She shrugged. "This is all so weird. How do we know what to do?"

"I think we're just supposed to learn and pay attention to changes in your body. I'm not quite sure."

"Can we call Esme?"

"No," I said adamantly.

"Why? She would know exactly what I should be doing."

"They left us here to be by themselves. It's obvious that they don't care enough to stay with their family, so why should we give them a call?"

"Are you still mad at them?"

"Yes, I am, Selena. Carlisle had no right to just bring me back here so that he could take a vacation."

She sighed, "I think you have to let your anger go on that one. He did what he thought was right."

"I still don't like it. Besides, I don't know where they are or what the number is. Only Emmett knows that information and he won't tell me."

"Well, we have to get in touch with them somehow. I'm having their grandchild. I think they would want to know that."

I swerved a little on the road at the word 'grandchild'.

Holy shit!

That baby growing in Selena's stomach was mine, meaning that it was the grandchild of Carlisle's, meaning it was the great-grandchild of Nicola. That was a big deal. A direct descendant of Nicola Bieber was a massive deal, especially since it was mine. An heir. Mob royalty was inside of Selena.

I slowed the car down to a pace of thirty miles an hour.

"Justin, what's going on? Did your car break too?" Selena asked.

"No, I'm just being precautious."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't want anything to happen to you or the baby. We could get in an accident."

"We certainly will with you going so slow on the highway. Someone's going to run us over."

"I'm not taking any chances. I'm not going any faster than this for the rest of your pregnancy," I vowed.

It took us a full hour to make it to the grocery store. I would have normally made it in fifteen minutes. I didn't mind, though. As long as everyone was safe, I could deal with the current pace of my life.

"Don't move," I told Selena when I turned the car off in the parking lot. "I'm coming to get your door." I started to get out my seat.

"Justin, I'm not a doll. I can do things for myself." She reached for the door handle, but I locked her inside.

I went over and helped her out of the car. She scowled at me, but didn't say anything further.

"So, only healthy foods," I told her as she reached for a cart outside of the store. I wiped off the handle like I normally did with the handkerchief in my suit pocket.

"Why do you always do that?"

"The handle of a shopping cart is one of the most germ-ridden things on the face of the earth, slightly behind the telephone."

"The things you know are just astounding."

I held her close to me as we walked the aisles, looking for things that might be good for her to eat during pregnancy. I remembered the doctor saying something about a diet high in fiber and iron, along with lots of dairy. It seemed like I was the only one who actually cared, though. Selena seemed to be more focused on junk food.

"Selena, you're going to have to change your whole lifestyle now." I put back the bag of chips she had placed in the cart.

"I know that, but I can indulge a little. I like those." She reached for them.

"This is serious. Our baby has to be super strong and healthy."

"A spoonful of ice cream won't make him any less healthy."

"Him?" The sound of that brought an unconscious grin to my face.

"I think we're having a boy this time." She smiled brightly. "I feel it."

I nodded, not sure what to say.

"How about we get back to shopping." Selena took my hand, and we continued to stroll through the aisles.

By the time we were done, we had two carts. One had normal food in it for Alec and I, while the other had Selena's food. Half of her cart had peanut butter in it. Her eyes went wide when she saw just how many different varieties were in the store. She had to have them all; chunky, smooth, whipped. It all went in the cart.

I barely had enough room to fit all the bags into my Slaeen, but we stuffed them in there. I was on my way home at a reasonable speed a couple minutes later.

By the time we pulled up in the driveway, it was past lunch, and I figured Selena would be hungry. I knew that I was going to have to monitor her food intake now. She was one of those women who ate one big meal a day and then would nibble until she went to bed. No more of that. Three healthy meals and lots of liquids; that was what the doctor said.

I turned off the car, and we got out.

"Can I carry something in or am I too fragile for that?" Selena frowned.

"You got it exactly. Matter of fact, I don't want you to get off of the couch until you give birth." It wasn't even really about the baby anymore, but Selena's safety.

"That's ridiculous, Justin. I have a job and things like that. I can't stay in the house all day." She turned on her heel and went to unlock the door.

"You will if I have anything to say about it," I mumbled to myself, carrying in the first few bags of groceries. I put them on the counter in the kitchen and heard a roar bellow throughout the house.

"What the hell is that?" Selena asked.

"I think it was Alec."

We followed the sounds until we came to the family room. There were pillows scattered around, and Francis was laying on one of them, asleep. Bowls of junk food were half turned over, spilling onto the carpet, and Alec was jumping in the air in front of the massive TV on the wall. A gaming controller was in his hand. He had nothing on but boxers and looked like he had just woken up.

"What the fuck is going on in here?" I bellowed.

Alec spun around, his mouth full of God knows what. "Oh."

"Did you have a party?" Selena stepped over a bag of chips.

"No, um, I didn't have class today and I thought you guys would be out until dinner."

"Is this what you usually do when you have the house alone?" I was seething mad. There were smudges on my carpet and dirty crap all over the place.

"No, I just had a big test and I wanted to chill out. I swear I don't do this all the time."

"Do you have to be so loud?" Selena asked.

"I'm fighting this kid from Romania." He pointed to the TV screen innocently, where his war game was paused. "He keeps killing off our troops since my partner is shit." Alec paused for a minute, and then spoke in fierce Russian into the headset around his head. It sounded like he and his partner were at odds over who was the real master at this game.

"Alec, turn this shit off and clean up," I demanded.

"But I'm almost done," he pleaded. "I won't take too long. I can't let them beat us!"

"Alright, alright. Just make sure everything is cleaned up." Selena started pushing me out of the room.

I was about to put my foot up his ass until he tasted the sole of my shoe, but didn't have the chance.

"Let me go back in there and beat him." I ran my hands through my hair in frustration.

"No, he didn't mean to make a mess." Selena sat on a kitchen stool. "Leave him alone."

"He knows the rules. Did you see my family room?"

"He's a kid. That's what kids do. He'll have it cleaned up. Don't worry."

"I'm going to go say something." I stomped back over to him. "Alec, turn that shit off. We need to talk."

He spoke into his headset, "Derzhatʹsya." He told his partner to hold on. "What's up, Justin?"

"Why are you partying in here like you don't have any sense?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd be home for a while." He toed the carpet.

I don't know why I was so mad, but I couldn't help my frustration. "You know the rules and clearly disobeyed them."

"Well, I said I was sorry. I'll clean it up now." He started to shuffle around the pillows back onto the sofa. He had a major attitude.

"Did you just roll your eyes at me?" I seethed further.

He didn't reply, but muttered under his breath.

"I asked you a question."

"No," he replied, "I'm cleaning up."

"It better be spotless when I come back in here." I went to walk out of the room.

"You know, kids make messes, Justin. Actually, that's all babies do for the first year of their lives," Alec snapped at me with a vicious tone.

"You don't think I know that?" I shouted.

"How the hell are you going to raise children then? Don't scream at me because you're inadequate."

"Take that back." I stepped towards him, my fist clenched to beat his face. "Don't you ever talk to me that way again."

"You know why you're so mad at me? Because you don't know how to raise children. You keep thinking that if you don't talk about it, the pregnancy will go away. Here's a newsflash: you're having a baby. Get used to it!" He pushed passed me and I heard his feet on the stairs.

I made every intention to run after him, but Selena's hands were suddenly on my chest, keeping me in place. "Let him go."

"Did you just hear what he said to me?"

"Yes, I did. You both just need to calm down."

"Selena, I swear to God…"

"Justin, please calm down. You both get so heated, and then things just get blown further out of proportion. Remember the last time? You tried to strangle him."

"He strangled me first," I argued.

"I know, but just let him breathe. This is just a stupid teenage, rebellion thing. We all went through it."

"I didn't because I had respect for my father." I sat on the couch, pushing Francis out of my way.

"Really? Like the time you stole his car and then ran it into a tree?" Selena sat next to me.

"Stop being so amazingly logical about all of this." I threw my head back. "I want to get mad."

"You don't need to." She grabbed my hand. "Just take deep breaths."

I did as she said and let air feel my lungs. I hated to admit it, but I did feel better after a minute or two.

"Do you think he's right?" I asked her.

"About what?"

"About me avoiding the subject that I'm going to be a terrible father."

"You're not going to be a terrible father. I can assure you of that."

"How can you be so certain?"

"Because I know that good parents have two outstanding qualities: love and responsibility. You have both of those and in high doses." She rested her head on my shoulder.

"What if this baby hates me? What if I get mad because he makes messes?"

"Of course you'll get mad and frustrated and scared, but I think that's normal."

"I've never been normal." I shut my eyes.

"And our baby won't ever be either. Don't worry, Justin."

"I have to worry. That's my job."

"Exactly. That means you care about this baby already."

Bingo!

"I know," I said quietly.

Selena and I sat in silence for at least an hour among the mess and debris that Alec had left behind. I got lost in my thoughts, once again. That seemed to happen a lot these days. I just couldn't understand why my life was going to shit. I had lost all control over things that I used to have a handle on. I was getting sloppy that is just unacceptable. I needed to do better. I had a crime syndicate to run and I hadn't been doing much of that since coming home. Times were about to change.

"I think you need to apologize to him," she said to me after a while.

"Hell no. I don't apologize."

"He's just as stubborn as you are and someone needs to fold first."

"Well, it sure won't be me. He knows he did wrong. Look at this place."

"Alec was right. Babies make messes. He's a teenager."

"So he should know better. I'll probably have to replace this carpet." I saw the smudges on the fabric.

"Or…get a vacuum cleaner."

"No, it's ruined." I sighed. "This is why I can't have anything nice."

"You're already starting to sound like a parent." She kissed my check before getting up. "Let him cool off some more and then go talk."

"I'm not apologizing."

"I said talk."

I sat on the couch and thought about what Alec said. Maybe he was right. This whole thing shouldn't have pissed me off so much, but it really did, and I wasn't sure why. Correction: I knew why. I was losing control of my house. I might be over exaggerating a little bit, but that's how I felt. First Alec took over the family room, and then everything under my roof. And he was just one kid.

What would happen when the baby arrived? I wouldn't have a sacred space left. I guessed that was the point, though. Once you have a child, your whole life changes. That was probably what I was confused about the most. My life never changed. I had a strict schedule from the time I woke up until the time my head hit the pillow. How was I supposed to accommodate a baby?

"Um, I didn't mean to snap at you." Alec plopped down on the sofa next to me. "I know you're not going to apologize, so don't bother."

"I would if I wanted to," I claimed bitterly.

That was all we said to each other, and it was almost as good as an apology.

"Look, I need to ask you a favor." I said quietly, so that Selena wouldn't hear.

"Anything,"

"I need you to look after Selena…when I'm not around. I need to know that she's safe and taken care of."

"Doesn't she have bodyguards and shit for that?"

"I'm not talking about physically. Sometimes, I feel like she doesn't want to open up to me about certain things because she's afraid I'll overreact, which is probably true. I just don't want her to think that she has to hold it all in. She likes talking to you."

"Because I'm awesome," He shrugged, "I've got her. She can always cry on my shoulder."

"Well, thank you. That's what I need from you."

"No problem. Selena and this baby are my first priority."

"So…what's this game you're so obsessed about?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"It's the best thing ever." Alec's eyes glazed over in excitement. "You can connect with people all over the world and create teams to beat other teams."

"And it's a war game?"

He nodded.

"What kind of weapons do they have?"

"Anything you could possibly want. Let me show you." He got off of the sofa and thrust one of the controllers at me.

An hour later, I was just as obsessed. I had never really been into video games, but this shit was addictive. It was so real and unlike anything I had ever played before. Mario and PacMan was good for a few minutes of fun, but they were nothing compared to the awesomeness of this. I wasn't an expert…yet, but I was getting there.

Our new team was comprised of some kid from Australia and another one from France. They both sucked ass, but swore that they were the best.

"Hey, Justin, why don't you go sit in the corner of that building and just wait for us to finish out the game." The snotty, sixteen-year old said in my ear from the headset I was wearing.

"Marcel, shouldn't you be in bed?" I snapped, clicking furiously on my controller, shooting anything that moved in the dark. More often than not, I would kill one of our guys. As in life, I went with the 'shoot first, ask questions later' philosophy.

"Both of you need to watch your backs," Alec said in my head and from next to me.

"Okay, this is ridiculous. Do you two have any idea what time it is?" Selena came into the room, chomping on a carrot or some kind of vegetable. I wasn't paying attention enough.

Alec and I erupted in a chorus of protests for her to move away from the TV.

"I don't understand men and their toys," she huffed. "Did you two even talk about the fight you had?"

"That's difference between the sexes, Selena." Alec tapped feverishly on his controller. "We don't have to talk. We just understand each other."

"Exactly," I agreed. "Can you move, sweetheart?"

"Why are men so one-track minded?" Selena sat between Alec and me. "Teach me how to play."

"Not right now." Alec was so into the game that he started to lift off of the couch in anticipation of a win.

Selena leaned her head against my shoulder and within minutes, was asleep.

It was late that night—might have been early morning—and I couldn't sleep. I hadn't really gotten more than a couple hours a night for the past couple of weeks. Tonight wouldn't be any different.

Selena's chest rose and fell lightly as she snored softly. This baby must be making her really tired. In all the years I had known Selena, she never snored, and it wasn't like we did anything strenuous today. She looked incredibly peaceful, though. Her normally vivid dreams seemed to have calmed down, so I couldn't complain with the lack of kicking under the sheets at night.

I tried to see if I could see any difference in her appearance. I figured the pregnancy would make her look completely different, but nothing had happened yet. At least, nothing I could see.

"Selena, are you awake?" I whispered.

She didn't reply.

I shifted so that my body was hovering over hers. I started to lift up her shirt, little by little, trying not to wake her. I got it past her stomach and stared down.

"How is it supposed to look?" I asked myself.

"I can see it," Selena said sleepily.

"Oh, you're up."

"You woke me up." She didn't open her eyes.

"Go back to bed. I was just checking."

I don't know what made me do it, but I leaned down and placed a kiss on her stomach. She giggled at the touch, so I did it again.

"I wonder if he can feel it," I said. "The whole process of pregnancy has become fascinating to me."

"It's even more fascinating going through it."

"Are you in pain?"

"No, just discomfort sometimes."

"I don't like the sound of that."

"It's normal. Pregnant women have to go through a lot of gross stuff."

"That's what the books say," I agreed, placing another kiss over her stomach.

"You've been reading the books?"

"In my free time…If I have free time."

"You work yourself too hard." She started to stroke my hair. "I'm worried about you."

"Don't. You're not supposed to be stressing."

"Last week, you left the house every day at five and didn't come back until after midnight."

"I can't help that." I sighed. "I took off today, didn't I?"

"You need more vacation time."

"There's no such thing. If I'm not at the office, I have family shit to deal with."

"Don't curse around the baby," she scolded.

"He can't hear me," I said hopefully.

"Well, I'm still worried about you. What has the doctor said?"

"Um, I'm healthy."

"You haven't seen the doctor yet, have you?"

"No, I don't have time." I rolled off of her.

"Justin, we've been back more than a month and you haven't had a physical yet. You need to get checked out."

"I'll do it this week," I promised.

My cell phone rang loudly on the nightstand, breaking our conversation.

"Don't get it." Selena groaned and rolled over.

"I have to." I sighed, recognizing the number. "Hello."

"Justin, we have to go," Emmett replied. "That meeting you wanted; it's happening now. He just called me."

"Get Jasper and bring him here in five minutes."

"Will do."

We hung up with each other rather quickly.

"What is it now?" Selena asked.

"Family business." I kissed her shoulder. She was mad at me, that much I could tell, but there wasn't anything I could do about it.

"What time should I expect you for breakfast?" She rose up on her elbows, watching me get dressed in my gray suit that I had set aside specifically for this occasion.

I checked my watch, which read three. "I won't be out long. I'll be back by seven."

"Be safe," she called as I rushed out of the door.

I banged on Alec's door. "Get up! We have to go."

"No," he shouted back.

I went into his messy as fuck room and pulled his covers off, "Get up."

"It's so early." He hugged Francis close to his body for warmth. "What's going on?"

"We have things to do."

"Son of a bitch." Alec huffed and shuffled out of bed to get dressed.

"What the hell is that smell?" I sniffed the air.

"I don't smell anything."

"When we get back, you're cleaning up because this is ridiculous." I couldn't stand the sight of his room anymore so I left.

I waited downstairs for him and tapped my foot on the tiled floor in the kitchen until he sauntered in.

"You look like shit," I commented, handing him a cup of coffee.

I didn't really hear his reply through the mumbling, but I could only guess at what horrible things he replied with. We shuffled out of the house, and I made sure to lock up.

I stood at the door, wondering if I should be leaving Selena alone now. I didn't feel right with her being in this empty house alone, if even for a minute.

"This is going to drive me crazy," I said to myself, shaking my head as I climbed into my Aston Martin with Alec already waiting in the front seat.

I pulled out of the driveway. Almost immediately, Emmett and Jasper were behind me in the Hummer. The followed me towards the city and through the early morning traffic. I never understood why Chicago had so many cars, even at this hour, but the traffic never ceased.

Taking longer than it should have, I finally arrived at the large residential building downtown. I noticed that it was the only property on the block that I didn't own. That pissed me off.

It was strange to me that there wasn't any security as we parked underground, but I was sure there was more than enough upstairs. I was betting on it. Before getting out of the car, I checked the chamber of my Eagle. Alec did the same with his own weapon.

"My penis itches," Emmett said as he hopped out of the Hummer.

"What the hell?" Alec scrunched up his face. "That's gross."

"I just thought you all should know."

"That has nothing to do with why we're here." Jasper fixed his tie. "This is work."

"I'm just saying; I think I should go to the doctor."

"I told you from the beginning that Rosalie was a cesspool of God knows what," I muttered on my way to the elevators.

"Yeah, you would know. I'm still pissed that you two fucked."

"Get over it. She wasn't even that good." I didn't turn around, but I could hear Emmett making a move to hit me. Jasper was talking quietly with him, trying to calm the nerves. I silently smirked at how easy it was to piss him off. It wasn't like I actually cared about Rosalie—or any other woman of my past. That thing between us was just physical and as mentioned, not even that good. Maybe it was too soon to joke about it. Well, for some people, not me.

The doors of the elevator opened and we stuffed ourselves inside. Emmett stayed on the opposite side with a major scowl on his face.

"This is not about personal shit. Let's get our heads in the game," Jasper scolded. "You two are like teenagers."

"He started it." Emmett kicked the wall.

"No. You're itchy penis started it," I shot back.

"I can't believe I got up for this shit." Alec rolled his eyes.

The elevator stopped abruptly, jolting us to a halt, and the lights shut off. It was silent and we didn't move for about half a minute.

"This is always how horror movies start," Emmett said in the dark.

Something started to beep on the side panel of the wall and I searched in the dark for the button.

"This is just a routine security check point," a hard voice said over the speaker. "Names."

"Justin Bieber…and guests," I replied. There were various forms of admonishments from my brothers at them being called "guests". I silenced them with a snap of my fingers.

"And why are you here?" the voice asked.

"We have private business to deal with."

"I need a better answer than that."

"Well, you're not getting one."

I waited for a long minute, with my finger on the button, waiting for a reply that never came.

"Hello, sir. I don't know who you are, but I have things to do," I snapped."Let us up."

Still no reply.

"He's going to make me lose my cool." I stepped back, more agitated than I should have been. I reprimanded myself for not taking my pills before I got in the car. I was more on edge than ever now.

Thankfully, before I went completely crazy, the elevator lights came back on and we started to move again.

"See, no need to get mad." Alec clapped my shoulder. I pushed him away.

The ride up was quick, and then we finally arrived on the right floor.

As soon as the doors opened, we were roughly pulled out and pushed against a wall by security men.

"Watch those hands," I snarled as one of them silently searched me.

"You can't have guns." The man took the Eagle out of my belt and disabled it.

I spun around, and pressed my forearm against his neck as I pushed him back into the wall. He was taken completely by surprise and didn't have enough time to react as I held him steady.

"No one touches my gun." My other hand twisted his wrist until he let it fall to the floor.

"Gentleman, no need for fighting. This is a civil meeting," someone said from down the hall.

I let the guard go and picked up my firearm, cocking it back in place.

Aberto Mangicavallo was wobbling on his feet. Possibly drunk. In a robe and with sex hair. I could actually smell the sweat and raunchy filth from his skin.

"Did you forget about our meeting?" I asked.

"No. I was waiting." He snorted. "Please, follow me." Aberto walked back down the hall, expecting us to follow.

"Keep your cool, Justin. Don't get so hotheaded," Alec whispered to me.

"I don't know how to control myself," I admitted. "It's not my fault."

Just don't kill him, Justin. Not yet.

We soon arrived at his office at the end of the long hall. It was a dark and moody room with sleek, metallic furniture.

"You can leave," Aberto told his bodyguard.

"But, sir…"

"I'm sure everything will be alright." He shut the door. "Just give me a second to change." Aberto put his bottle of gin down and scurried into the bathroom.

"This place looks like Cher's bedroom." Emmett touched the black painted walls.

"I don't think I like him very much," Alec said. "He seems kind of…off."

"Just keep your mouth shut and I'll handle everything," I told them.

Aberto reemerged a couple of minutes later in a smart suit that I was surprised actually looked good in his drunken stupor. He seemed to have sobered up pretty well during that time in the bathroom.

"So, gentlemen, please sit." He pointed to a row of chairs in front of his desk. We did. "I heard you'd like to speak with me, Justin. I'm very glad because I've been dying to meet you myself. Your father was a very…interesting man. I assume you're no different."

"Carlisle's not dead yet," I reminded him. "And I'm a very different type of man."

"Well, you called this meeting, so what is it that you wanted?"

"I need all the territory back in Chicago. You've had your run with it for a couple of years, but that's Bieber territory. You know it."

Aberto chuckled darkly. "I was under the impression that that was Aro's land. He gave it over to us."

"Your assumptions were wrong," I said with finality. "I need for you to stay away from the West End."

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I have very…lucrative business in that area."

Don't kill him.

"I will run you out if I have to," I told him. "I'm not a very patient man and I suggest you just cut your losses."

"I can't do that, Justin." He scratched his chin. "I just can't."

I sighed, "This won't end well for you. I'm trying to be more diplomatic and I don't want to outright kill you."

"You could try." He shrugged. "You wouldn't succeed. And I don't think you'd like to risk the things most important to you."

"What do you mean by that?" I sat up in my seat.

Aberto pulled out a large black-and-white photo of Selena, taken from afar. She was walking into work and had no idea someone was photographing her.

He took a lighter and lit the picture. It started to burn red and orange, before crumbling to ashes a couple of seconds later. "I would hate to see your pretty wife to suddenly go missing. Kill me, and I'll start a war you won't ever win."

Don't kill him.

Easier said than done.

I pulled out my Eagle and pointed it straight at his face. The silencer on the end, muffled the bullet as it blasted through the gun and into the wall behind him.

"Threaten my wife again and I'll make sure that hits its mark," I growled angrily. "I don't ever want to hear her name come out of your mouth. Is that understood?"

Aberto seemed more rattled that expected. He jumped in his seat slightly. He nodded.

"He threatened Selena. You heard him," I said.

I saw Alec nod from my side view.

"You'll get what's coming to you, Bieber."

"I'm counting on it. This was your first warning. Get out of town."

"Do we have any other options?" His brow furrowed.

"Work for me. If that doesn't appeal to you, then stay out of my way." I threw my business card on his desk. "I can't stay at this meeting any longer, unfortunately, because I have to talk to some Brazilians about a cocaine shipment. Call me when you're ready to talk again."

I stood up and began to walk out of the door. I could feel my brothers following.

"Well, done, Justin." Emmett clapped my shoulder. "We don't have to bring out the body bags."

I let out the breath I felt like I had been holding my entire time in there. One thing that I wouldn't put up with—above all else—was my family being threatened. Selena, especially. Aberto knew that was a stupid move, and if he didn't make the right choices in the next couple of days, things might get a little scary for him.

We stood in the elevator to go back down and just as the elevators were about to close, I saw Aberto at the end of the hall with a look in his eyes that told me, "This isn't over".

My heels clicked on the carpeted floor of Justin's office as I walked down the hall towards Mario's desk. Unlike usual, Mario wasn't busily working, or sorting through paper, or typing frantically on his computer. He was face-down, snoring and slobbering on a bunch of files.

I tried not to laugh, but he really did look a mess—like he had been in that same exact spot all night. Since it was noon, I figured he must have gotten in really early. Justin usually made Mario come in right around the same time he did. I'm sure Justin would have a fit if he saw him in such a state of unprofessionalism.

"Mario." I tapped his head. He didn't move. "Mario!"

He shot straight up in his chair and snorted awake with a piece of paper stuck to his mouth. "Oh, shit."

"You looked peaceful." I rested my elbows on the tall desk. "Sorry I woke you."

"Please don't tell Mr. Bieber." He started to panic. "I didn't mean to sleep, but I just got out so late last night and then this morning…I didn't mean to; I swear."

"Calm down. I'm not going to tell him anything." I went around the desk and took his crinkled up jacket from behind his chair. "Get this dry cleaned before you come in tomorrow. Justin will kill you if he sees you looking like this."

"I really didn't mean to fall asleep." He got up, re-tucking in his shirt. "He's going to fire me."

"So say something."

Mario was a really good kid. The only reason Justin pushed so hard was because he saw his potential. He always told me that Mario's brain was too good to waste. He had to be productive at all hours of the day and in ten years or so, he would be some kind of super genius if Justin trained him right.

Mario's eyes grew to an unhealthy size. "I can't say anything. He would kill me or worse…fire me."

"I'm going to tell you something." I leaned in and whispered, "Justin needs you just as much as you need him."

"I don't think so. Mr. Bieber is like a legend." Mario shook his head. "A million people would kill for this job."

"And you're doing it wonderfully. Just get more sleep." I handed him back his jacket.

"Thank you." He smiled at me. "You're very nice to me."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. I just never thought Mr. Bieber's wife would be so…sociable."

"Justin is too; he just doesn't like to show it."

"I remember when you got arrested. Professor Nardi was my literature teacher, and he used to always talk about you. He said you were really smart."

I felt my blush heat up my cheeks. "I liked that class."

"Well, thank you for waking me up. I have so much work to do." He started to stack up some of the papers that had fallen off his desk.

"Have you eaten lunch?"

"No time for lunch." Mario carried files as he scurried away down the hall.

As I walked through the office, I noticed that everyone had that drawn-out, exhausted look to them. It wasn't healthy.

I arrived at Jane's desk. She was on the phone, which seemed to always be attached to her ear. She smiled at me and quickly hung up.

"Hi, Selena."

"Hi, Jane. How are you?"

"Good. Lots of work to do today. Justin came in on a rampage this morning about how the company's stock went down in the Japanese markets last night. He has the staff on rotation. Half of them are here now and then the other half come in at night."

I sighed. "He's making everyone suffer because he's suffering. He won't see a doctor, he hasn't made an appointment with his therapist, and he's always on edge."

"Well, I would be too if I were him. He's got a baby to look out for now." She bit her lip, trying not to smile too wide. "We're all so excited. And he is too. I can tell."

"I wish he would talk to me about it."

"He hasn't said anything?"

I shook my head. "Not really. I think he's happy about it, but every time I try to bring up the baby, he changes the subject. I don't know what that means."

"Well, he talks to me about it."

"Really? What does he say?" I asked, eager to hear something about the topic.

"He's really stressed, as you could imagine. He freaks out if you get a paper cut and now you're just super fragile. He's trying to let you live your life, but he's worried about you…especially after last time."

"I figured as much."

"Did you know he pulled the connecting lines from your carbonator last week? That's why it hasn't been working."

"Yeah, I found them in his sock drawer. I let the driver take me everywhere now so I don't have to argue with Justin about it."

"He just needs to sort it out, but he's so busy."

Suddenly, the phone rang.

"Ah, it's your wonderful husband." Jane pushed a button on the screen of her computer.

"Jane, I need you to go into my office and find my silver cufflinks. I know I had them when I left the house. Selena put them right next to my watch."

She held up said cufflinks in her hand and shook her head at me."You took them off to fix your shirt this morning and then got that call from the Mayor so were distracted. You left without them."

"And you didn't tell me? What kind of secretary are you?"

"The one who knows that theses cufflinks didn't even go with that suit you had on. I saved you."

"I have impeccable fashion sense."

I laughed behind my hand, trying to disguise my presence. Of course, he heard me.

"Is that Selena? It sounded like Selena. Selena, are you there?"

"No," Jane snapped. "Pay attention to your lunch meeting. You have to be back here in an hour for a conference call to Japan."

She hung up the phone without another word.

"You're the only one who can talk to him like that," I said.

"Because I'm his work wife. He hired me to be a hardass. Whenever I let him get away with things, he scolds me."

"Well, keep it up. Can I go in?"

"Sure, Lydia's waiting for you."

"Perfect."

"Bye, Baby Justin." She waved at my stomach. "See you soon."

Everyone in the family was doing that these days.

Today was a good day on the pregnancy scale. I only threw up once, and it didn't even hurt. I ate a sensible and healthy breakfast. I snacked on a rice cake for lunch and was supposed to meet Justin for dinner before going to work. I even walked to the fucking treadmill in the basement since Alec said I was getting fat. I almost cried when he said that. I blamed it on hormones.

I had only gained about five pounds so far. Alice assured me she couldn't tell. I did see a more defined bump this morning in the mirror, so I guessed that was good. It meant that the baby was growing. I never got to see a bump with Elizabeth.

All-in-all, it was a wonderful start to my day.

I walked into Justin's large, vacant office, which looked pristine. Nothing was out of order—not a sheet of paper, or pen, or chair. The TV on the wall was on and playing the news. Justin always kept the news playing.

I sat behind his desk and the computer screens immediately came on, sensing someone. There were four of them, spread out over the table. A bright blue design started to swirl across the monitors like it was possessed.

"Isabella Bieber," I spoke and the computers identified my voice.

"Welcome back, Mrs. Bieber," a sweet, feminine tone replied.

"Hello, Lydia."

"I trust you're having a wonderful day."

"I am, thank you."

Lydia was the coolest thing I had ever seen in my life. She was a voice activated, automatic computer that didn't even have a keyboard. She could hold conversations and do whatever you wanted just by talking. Justin loved her. We also had one at the house, and they were supposed to be incredibly secure. I didn't even think the government had the technology to break into this.

A lot of different things started to pop up on the screens.

"What can I do for you today?" Lydia asked.

"I need to schedule some appointments for Justin. Can you find some space for them within the next couple of days?"

A calendar appeared and it was filled with small notes of appointments or meetings. I honestly didn't know how Justin slept.

"We have a few spaces open early tomorrow…" she started to say, but then stopped. "No, my mistake. Jane just booked that hour."

"Well, you'll have to cancel something. He needs to meet with his doctor for a physical plus a therapy appointment as soon as possible."

"About the baby?"

"He told you?" I sputtered. "Has he talked to everyone about it but me?"

"He's just worried, Mrs. Bieber."

"Well, make him those two appointments." I crossed my arms.

"I'm canceling a breakfast tomorrow with the Congressman for this."

"There will be many more breakfasts, Lydia."

"Anything else, Mrs. Bieber?"

"No. Thank you."

Lydia went back to sleeping or whatever the hell she did. Justin chose that exact moment to waltz into his office. He looked exhausted, but anyone else wouldn't ever know. He hid it very well. His black-rimmed glasses sat on his nose, and I had a sneaking suspicion that he might have had bourbon for lunch. Not healthy. My pregnancy nose could smell it from a mile away.

"You're still here?" He let out a seemingly happy sigh, coming over to kiss me.

"Yes. I had some time to kill before dinner."

"We have a couple hours, actually." He checked his watch.

"I didn't want to sit in the house any longer. I can go if you're busy."

"Um, well I am busy, but do you promise to let me work?" He grinned.

"Yes, sir." I got up from his chair and went to sit on the couch. Maybe I could take a nap.

"How are you feeling today?" Justin asked.

"We had a good morning. No excessive vomit or tiredness."

He let out an exhale of relief. "Good. When is your next appointment?"

"In a couple of weeks." I laid my head down on the sofa and stretched out. "I'm going to sleep so I don't bother you."

"You never bother me."

Justin was being especially sweet today—almost too sweet. He was about to do or say something that I wasn't going to like.

"How is your day going?" I asked.

"Okay, I guess."

"I heard you were pissed this morning about something."

"I'm always pissed when I lose money," he replied coldly.

"For a man who has so much of it, what's a meager million dollars?"

"I can't believe you just asked that. It's like you don't know me at all." He feigned shock. "My time is very precious and I use it for two things: you and money. Soon I'll have to make room for a baby."

"I feel so honored." I rolled my eyes, even though they were closed.

"Selena, I thought you weren't going to distract me." Justin's voice was suddenly closer and I could smell his scent above me.

"I'm just sitting here, minding my own business…" I was cut off by lips—searing lips that caused me to moan immediately. It was kind of pathetic at how easily I melted at just his touch or a stare.

"As much as I would like to climb on top of you right now, I have work to get done," he said lowly. "You and the baby need to rest."

"That we do." I tilted my head up, capturing his lips with mine again. I couldn't help it. "But I don't want to sleep anymore."

"You're so naughty these days." He chuckled.

"Hormones," I answered.

Our perfectly sexual moment was cut off by the phone. It shrilled on his desk like it needed all the attention in the world.

"Damn," Justin huffed and left me alone on the couch.

I didn't think I was that tired, but I obviously was. I don't really remember much after that until I was being shaken awake.

"Selena," Justin said quietly, "Selena, wake up. We have dinner reservations."

"Oh." I tried to roll over and being the clumsy fool that I was, almost fell off of the couch. Thankfully, Justin caught me.

"We're going to have to work on that." He sat me up on the sofa.

"I can't help it."

"You can walk a mile in heels, but fall off a couch if I blow on you too hard."

"That sounded dirty." I giggled, still in a drunken slumber.

"Go freshen up." He laughed. "We're almost late."

"Okay, okay. I'm going." I stood up and wobbled slightly. Justin held onto me on the way to the bathroom that was connected to his office. "I'm fine. I can walk."

"I'm afraid to let go of you."

"Give me five minutes." I closed to the door. I really had to pee. My bladder was always filled these days. I brushed my teeth and made sure my makeup wasn't messy before walking back out.

Justin was on the phone, looking out of the large window, shouting and getting very red. I had no idea who he was talking about, but whoever it was should be scared.

"Listen to me, you little shit, I'm about to go on a trip and I need that information immediately…No, I don't care about the cost…Get me what I need or there will be hell to pay. Do I make myself clear?" Justin hung up the phone and ran a hand through his hair.

He must not have known I was behind him, because he jumped a little when I cleared my throat.

"Oh, are you ready to go?" he asked, regaining composure.

I nodded, putting on my shoes. "You're going on a trip?"

"What?" Justin put on his sunglasses.

"You're going on a trip?"

"No." He shook his head and kept his hand on the small of my back on our way out of the door. "Jane, we're going to dinner. If you're not here when we get back, make sure I have those reports on my desk."

"Alec and I are going out as well, but you'll have your reports." she replied without raising her head.

On our way down to the first floor on the elevator, Justin didn't even turn his head towards me. Of course, his eyes were covered so I couldn't search for answers in them, but I wasn't letting up.

"On the phone, you said you were going on a trip."

"You must have misheard me," he countered.

"Don't lie to me, Justin."

"Alright, fine. I didn't want to tell you because I'm not sure if I'm even going. I could send Emmett if I wanted to stay home."

"Okay, that's a start. Is this a legitimate thing?"

"Yes. I need to go to Tokyo for a few things. It's nothing mafia related, but it would be for about a week."

"Tokyo for a week!" I said louder than I meant to. I calmed down quickly. "Wow. That's a long time."

"I know and I didn't want you to unnecessarily worry."

"I'm not worrying." I shook my head quickly.

"Yes, you are. The doctor said you shouldn't be…especially after last time. We can't take any chances. I don't want you to know about the work I do when it's nothing you need to be concerned about." He wrapped an arm around me, bringing my body close to his.

"Alright," I agreed, "but you're being safe, right?"

"Yes. That I can promise you."

"Then the secrets are fine."

"They aren't secrets. I'm just protecting you."

I didn't get a chance to say anything back because the elevator doors opened and we strode out onto the marble floor of the lobby. There were greetings from secretaries and security staff—none of which Justin acknowledged. He owned the whole building so everyone knew him. I tried to at least wave to everyone so they didn't think we were total jackasses, but Justin pretended like no one existed but us.

There was a black Aston Martin with dark tinted windows waiting for us on the curb. A sandy-blonde haired man held the door open with a smile. "Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Bieber."

"Hello, William," I replied. "How's the new baby?"

"Wonderful. She's so adorable." He beamed.

"And this is your third?"

"Yes, ma'am." His smile was so big, it looked like it hurt. I hoped Justin would smile that way about our baby, "She's the most precious thing in the world."

"I'm happy for you two."

"And how are you doing today?" He motioned to my stomach.

"Fine, thank you."

"We're all very excited for you two. Maybe yours and mine can get have a play date one day."

"Well, it's nice to know my baby already has friends."

"Of course, ma'am."

I slid into the backseat. Justin didn't follow me immediately. I heard him accost William. "You've been driving me around for a while now. Since when have I ever given you permission to talk anything but business with me, let alone my wife?"

"I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again." William's voice was professional and remorseful. "I was just answering her questions."

"I don't care if she asked you to carry her through fire. You check with me first."

"Yes, sir."

Justin ducked his head and situated himself in the car next to me. The door shut.

"You didn't have to be so mean," I whispered.

"That's the second time I've had to say something to him. His father drove me to high school every morning. I would hate to fire him over simple instructions."

"I'll have to send his wife flowers in congratulations. We pregnant women have to stick together."

"She was pregnant," Justin told me.

"Same thing." I shrugged. I knew he didn't want me having conversations with people who worked for us, and I understood that, but I could at least say "hi" once and awhile.

The drive to the restaurant was tense. William was trying to stay in line, and Justin was starring daggers at him. I could feel his anger rolling off of him. I took his hand and he let up slightly, but still seemed pissed. In Justin's mind, he had to keep a clear line between "us" and "them". The sad thing was I understood the theory. Does that make me a bad person? Stuck-up? Pretentious?

We pulled up to the front of the restaurant and William came to open the door. My hand stayed in Justin's as we climbed out of the car.

"Thank you. You can pick us up in about an hour. Selena needs to get to work," Justin said to him.

"No problem, sir." William bowed his head. "Have a wonderful dinner."

"I'll send flowers," I whispered, not so quietly. William smirked at me and nodded.

Justin led me inside and we were ushered up the stairs to a private dining room by a confident hostess. She swayed her hips and puckered her lips, trying to show off what she had to offer.

The room was minimalistic with its earthy tones and fine dinnerware. There were a couple private rooms on the second floor, and Justin made sure we had one tucked away at the end of a long hall. He pulled out my chair and I sat down, trying not to jostle the table.

"My name is Melony and I'll be your waitress for the night. Can I get you two anything to drink?" she asked.

"I'll have a glass of Pinot Grigio," Justin said sternly, not looking at her. "What would you like, sweetheart?"

"We'll both have water. Don't bring the wine." I told the waitress.

She stood, looking between the both of us.

"You can't have it with your medicine." I dug through my purse and pulled out his anti-anxiety pills. He hadn't been taking them regularly because he seemed calm, but I could tell he needed help. His cold tone and demeanor with everyone was getting to be too much.

Justin grumbled, "Waters will be fine."

"Would you like to start off with something?" She smiled. "We have a wonderful spicy and sweet carrot soup that you might like, Justin."

Justin?

"My name is Mr. Bieber," he seethed. "And no. Just our drinks for right now."

The waitress kind of did an awkward curtsey before leaving the room, shutting the door behind her.

I looked at him suspiciously."That was strange."

"Yes, I know." He took his pills from me and downed two of them. "Do you really think I need to be taking these and why exactly do you have them?"

"I always have a stash somewhere on me. You're lucky I don't carry a tranquilizer around an your attitude is so snippy these days."

"With everyone except you. I make sure to save my good side for you." Justin grinned. "Because I love you."

I squinted at him.

The waitress returned with our drinks. "Anything else?"

"We'll have the salads and two orders of the short ribs. One without the wine sauce," Justin said mechanically.

She nodded. "Of course, sir."

"What is going on?" I asked when she left the room.

"I think I've slept with her before." He bit his lip.

"You think?" My whole body heated up in anger.

"I did," he corrected himself. "A long time ago."

"I'm really getting tired of this. They're everywhere."

There was a knock on the door, and a burly man with red hair stuck his head in. "I was just coming to introduce myself. I'm the manager of this restaurant. Is there anything I can get for you two?"

"Actually, yes." I turned to him. "Our waitress' name is Melony. Can you have her fired?"

His mouth dropped in surprise. "I'm…not sure I can do that. Is there a complaint, Mrs. Bieber?"

"Yes, I don't like her," I said and crossed my hands on the table. "She needs to be fired."

"Thank you for stopping by. Everything is fine," Justin assured him, chuckling.

The manager left without another word.

"Who has the bad attitude now?" Justin asked me.

"Why is it that everywhere we go, another one of your whores is right around the corner?"

"I've had a lot of experience." He shrugged. "I can't apologize for my past."

"Well, make sure they know that you're off the market."

"I'm pretty sure they do by now. You're very scary when you want to be." He placed his hand over my clenched fists, "I wear the wedding band that you gave me. Don't forget that."

"Don't touch me," I snapped. "If I could drink, I would right now."

"Too bad." He chuckled again. I think he found it amusing at how ticked off I got these days. It happened a lot, and most of the time I was back to normal within a couple of minutes. He knew not to take any of my crazy thoughts seriously. This whore situation, though, was something I would probably always be dealing with. They were everywhere. I knew Justin would never do anything, like cheat on me, but I still didn't like it.

"I have no more relations with any of the women of my past. If I see them, I turn my head."

"You better." I took my napkin and roughly put it in my lap.

"And what about you? I see the way men look at you and it takes all I can not to kill them on them on the streets." He argued.

"Out of the two of us, I'm not the one who cheated. Lest we forget that faithful Christmas vacation you took to the Bahamas."

"Are we going to bring that up again?" Justin was playing with my anger. He could tell that none of this would matter once the food got here. I would be too preoccupied.

"I just want to remind you."

He held up is hand in front of my face so that I could see the gold band around his ring finger, "I'm locked down for life."

That made me smile.

"You've tamed the beast." Justin leaned across the table, begging for a kiss. I gave him one.

Melony was replaced by a more docile male waiter who brought our salads. After my anger washed away with the coming of food, Justin and I were able to converse normally.

"This looks really good," I moaned in anticipation. "I didn't realize how hungry I was."

"I hear pregnancy does that to you."

"I'm surprised I haven't devoured it all yet." I licked my lips.

Justin took the beets from my plate and put them on his, while I stole most of his croutons.

"You left some." He pointed around his plate in disgust, "Hurry before them mix with the rest of the salad."

"I can't reach those."

He picked out the rest and placed them on my plate. "Extra carbs will be the death of me. I've gained five pounds since being back in Chicago. I can't afford anymore."

"Don't get me started on weight."

"You're supposed to gain weight. I need to go running and get my exercise schedule back."

"Well, take Alec with you. He has too much energy these days."

"Agreed."

Justin was chill and relaxed with me. No one was around to trigger his mood swings, and I didn't have to worry about him upsetting any of the restaurant staff.

"This is so good." I ate a piece of the short rib from dinner. "Why haven't I had this before?"

"I don't like coming here a lot."

"Why? It's nice."

"They always get my order wrong." He picked up an onion from his plate, pushing it aside.

"I don't recall you giving specifics."

"They should just know."

"Ah, I see," I responded.

During dinner, Justin's phone would vibrate violently. If it was a call, he ignored it, but he always replied to texts or emails.

"I really wish I could turn this thing off," he complained.

"Why don't you?"

"Do you know how much money I make a minute?" he asked without looking at me, his attention still on his phone.

"A lot?"

"Yeah…a lot. I can't just disregard my work." Justin placed his phone on the table next to his plate. "I don't mean to ignore you."

"No, it's not bothering me. I'm just worried that you work too much."

"Always worrying when you shouldn't," he sighed.

"Money isn't everything, Justin. And it's not like you actually contribute to society at all."

"Did you know that Ben&Jerry's donates five percent of their profits each year to charities?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Well, I figured during your pregnancy, I will be donating five percent of my wealth to Ben&Jerry's. It all works out."

Damn him. Now I wanted ice cream…really bad.

"I want to live in your head," I said. "It must be fascinating."

"You have no idea."

It was late Saturday night and thankfully, Justin took my advice and stayed at home. The phone was turned off, Lydia stayed asleep, and work was all but forgotten.

We had spent all day in bed, talking, watching TV, or just napping. I was trying to get his blood pressure down. My plan was fatally flawed when I woke up with Justin's mouth doing delicious things to my body. I was defenseless and let him have his way with me…over and over and over again.

Justin was currently resting on his stomach, his arms wrapped around his pillow. I hadn't seen him look this peaceful in a long time. I drew circles on his back.

I kissed the large tattoo over his right shoulder, "When are you going to get another one of these?" I asked.

"Why? You like them?"

"I didn't use to in high school. Mike had one and I hated it. But…I like yours."

"I don't want to talk about your ex-boyfriend right now."

"In any case, I find your tattoos very sexy." I kissed it again.

"I'll get another one when the baby is born. Once we figure out a name." He said nonchalantly.

My heart fluttered a little, "Have you thought of any names."

He shook his head, "Not yet."

And then, like always, he changed the subject.

"Selena, I have something to tell you."

"You do? And what might that be?"

"Remember yesterday when I told you that I needed to make a trip to Tokyo?"

"Yes, for business."

"Right. Well, those plans have been changed recently."

"So you're not going anywhere?" I asked hopefully.

"Unfortunately, no." He opened his eyes. "I'll be going to Spain for two weeks. I'm leaving on Monday."

"What?" I almost fell out of bed. "On Monday?"

"Calm down." He wrapped his long arm around my naked body.

"No, I will not calm down. That's so long." I tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but he wouldn't let me go.

"If you'd shut up, I could ask you if you'd want to come along."

I stopped moving. "Come along…to Spain?"

He nodded. "I really only need to be there for a week so that I can get my business done, but I have a free week and since I owe you a honeymoon, I thought we could do it right."

"In Spain?" I repeated like a broken record.

"Yes, Selena. Am I not explaining myself thoroughly?"

"No, no. You just took me off guard." I sat up against the headboard. "I would love to go, but it's so soon. I have to work and I have a doctor's appointment and I'm supposed to help Alice with her charity benefit thing she's doing…"

"Selena, stop it," Justin commanded sternly. "That's too much on your plate and I won't have you working so hard."

"My life can't stop just because I'm pregnant."

"I forbid it." His lips went into a tight line.

"You forbid it?"

"Yes. Unless you take this trip with me. I'm just asking for a week."

I sighed, thinking of any way out of work. I had just started and it wasn't like I could ask for a whole week off because of a vacation.

"I want this to be just the two of us, but unfortunately Emmett, Jasper, and Alec have to come with me. I'm sure the girls will want to tag along. I know it's not much of a vacation, but we can get away." Justin started to trail his fingers up my leg. "Please, Selena. Come with me."

"I want to." My body, on its own volition, sunk down the headboard until I was lyingon the bed. His hand went higher, distracting me. It was now between my thighs and creating pulses of pleasure that radiated over my legs.

"I can call your boss and ask him to let you have the week off."

"You're not my father, Justin. You don't have to do that," I breathed when his hand reached the Promised Land. My bare pussy was waiting to be played with, and Justin knew it.

"I just need to make one call and it's done. Please, Selena." His voice was low and sensual in my ear with his pleading. He kissed my neck, his hand cupped my center; his hard body pressed me into the mattress. I was in heaven. "One call."

"Okay," I whimpered when he entered a finger into me. "I'll go with you."

"Thank you," he whispered.

Needless to say, it didn't take very long for me to be convinced that I had to go on this trip or suffer more sexual torture.

After I was exhausted to the point of no return, I lay on my back and stared up at the ceiling.

"We leave in two days." Justin hopped off of the bed giddily. "I knew you'd say yes."

"You tricked me with your Svengali-like magic."

"Or your willpower is just incredibly low." He smirked his way out of the door, in nothing but boxers. "I have a few accommodations to make."

"No working!" I shouted when he went into the hallway.

"Yes, ma'am."

I lied in bed for a good half hour, trying to calm my sexual nerves. I didn't know if pregnancy was supposed to release new endorphins or something, but pregnant sex was the best kind. I didn't know how to describe it. I just knew that I wouldn't be able to just have normal sex again.

There was a knock on the door that brought me back to the present. "Uh, Selena, I know you two are having a good time in there, but I was wondering if I could trouble you for some food." Alec's voice sounded so small.

"Go make a sandwich."

"I would, but there's absolutely no food in this house. I could order a pizza."

"No. I'll go to the store." I looked at the clock. It was nine at night, but thankfully, the fresh market was open twenty-four hours. I climbed out of bed and started to get dressed. I decided on simple jeans and tee-shirt. It was too late to dress up in anything else.

"Selena, I can just order something. Don't worry yourself," Alec said.

"You and Justin don't need to be eating that kind of garbage," I replied, but now that I thought about it, a pizza did sound nice. "Plus, I need to pick up a few things."

"It's so late at night."

"I'm leaving in half an hour. Go see what we need."

"Alright," he said through the door.

I checked with Justin to see if he wanted anything. He was on the phone, so I didn't even think he heard me say I was leaving. Even though I told him not to work, his face was red in anger as he shouted to someone. All he ever did nowadays was shout. It wasn't healthy.

I left the house with a short list of things that I needed to get and took one of Justin's nicer cars. Since he broke mine, I had to use something. I chose the black Bugatti Veyron, which probably wasn't the best idea since Justin hadn't even driven it himself. He just polished the thing for hours on end. It was sleek, beautiful, and fast; Italian engineering at its best.

I was out of the driveway and tried not to blast through the streets, but it was hard to stay under the speed limit in a car like this. I arrived at the fresh market entirely too fast, but it was fun while it lasted.

I sat in the car after turning it off because my phone had been buzzing since I put it in my pocket. Of course, Justin knew his prized possession was missing and told me so over some very heated voicemails.

"Isabella Bieber, if you don't bring my car home right this instant, I might just lock you out of the house! I mean it, Selena!"

That was one of the more tame ones. I left my phone in the car so I wouldn't be tempted to pick up if he called while I shopped. I was in big trouble, but a marriage is about compromise. I agreed to go on this vacation with him, so I think I had the right to use the car.

I found an empty cart and claimed it as my own. You'd be surprised at how many people shopped late at night and some of these old women got feisty if you took their carts. As I was pushing into the store, I accidently bumped into a group of men standing outside, smoking.

"Oh, sorry about that," I apologized. "I wasn't watching where I was going."

"It's no problem," one of the men said. He looked really sick with pale skin and shaking hands, trying to take drags of his cigarette. The other three in his group looked the same. They couldn't have been older than sixteen at the most.

"Is that your car?" another of the guys asked, nodding to my parking spot.

"Uh, my husband's," I replied awkwardly. I didn't really want to strike up a conversation with them.

"That's a sweet ride."

"I'll be sure to let him know you think so."

All the guys nodded and took pulls of their cigarettes at the same time.

"Sorry again," I said and pushed past them, through the sliding glass doors.

The grocery store wasn't massive, but happened to be very popular. Even on regular Saturday nights like this, there were about twenty people milling around, which was a lot for a place this size. They specialized in fresh, organic food, and I made it a point to shop here more. My family needed all the help they could get. I didn't think I'd ever seen Alec eat a vegetable voluntarily.

I leisurely perused through the aisles, ignoring the list in my pocket and just picking up things I saw. I was in the middle of examining apples when I heard the sound that I had become so accustomed to in the past couple of years.

A barrage of bullets left a gun from the front of the store. It sounded like a semi-automatic; maybe an Army tactical rifle or some kind of hunting firearm.

My body immediately hit the floor as a reflex. There were a lot of screams from shoppers, and I was suddenly on high alert. My eyes honed for anything sign of danger, my heartbeat sped up to a rapid pace, my head started to pound, and my breathing came out in harsh rasps.

I cowered behind a canned soup display at the end of the aisle. Thankfully, I was in the back of the store and tried not to make a sound.

"This is a stickup!" a voice came over the intercom. "I need everyone to make their way to the back of the store."

A few more gunshots scared the shit out of me, and I bit my lip to stop myself from crying.

Why did you leave your fucking phone in the car?

There was a lot of movement, and some people came near me since I was in a corner. No one dared speak or breathe, for that matter.

A man appeared, showing off his large weapon, and I recognized him as the one who complimented my car outside.

"I need everyone's wallets, jewelry, and phones!" he commanded. "Now!"

People started to slide things over to him, and he gathered it all up in a plastic bag.

"What's going to happen to us, Mommy?" a boy asked next to me. He was in the arms of his mother.

"I don't know, honey. Everything's going to be all right."

I realized that I had more than myself to care for. I was carrying a child. I brought my feet up to protect my stomach, thankful that I wore a big shirt. I didn't want this crazy person knowing I was pregnant. Then I started to think about all the things that I hadn't done yet. My parents didn't even know I was having their grandchild yet. I wanted to wait a little longer to tell them.

Please, God, don't have me die like this. Not yet.

"No one make a sound," the man said harshly.

A group of older ladies kept on whispering to each other and huddled together.

"I said, no talking!" The guy with the gun ran over and pulled one of them away, dragging her across the tiled floor. She screamed for him to let her go, but he didn't and threw her down an aisle where another man with a firearm was waiting to take her. She disappeared after that.

"If I hear another word out of any of you, I'll kill you." He came back over to us. His hands were still shaking, making the gun rattle as well. There was nothing worse than a guy who can't hold a gun straight. That makes it infinitely more dangerous. His voice was strong, but falsely so. He didn't have any confidence, and I guessed he was some kind of lackey to his stupid friends.

"What are you going to do to us?" the boy next to me asked him boldly. "When can we leave?"

"Not for a long time, kid. You all just became ransom. I'm sorry." His eyes looked like he was really trying to apologize, but the gun in his hand said otherwise. "All you can do now is sit and wait." He pointed the gun straight at me, daring anyone to say anything.

I was now very, very, very scared.