#Heart Attack surgery hospitals near me

[felix-healthcare]

Heart attacks, medically termed as myocardial infarctions, are life-threatening events that require immediate medical attention. Rapid access to quality healthcare facilities can make a significant difference in saving lives and minimizing damage to the heart muscle. If you or a loved one is experiencing symptoms of a heart attack, time is of the essence. Here’s a comprehensive guide to understanding Best Heart Attack treatment Hospital in Noida.

[absurdthirst]

Mother's Day Surprise {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 11.4k

Warnings: Menstrual blood/cramping, violent attack, near death, surgery, comma, mentions of blood and disturbing scenes, recovery, assistance with basic needs, helping Joel shower, confessions of feelings, fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, pull out method, mentions of family planning, breeding kink, dirty talk, cream pie, infertility, depression, feelings of worthlessness, death, harsh and cruel world, babies

Comments: Helping Joel Miller recover from a horrific attack leads to a life you never knew possible.

**🚨🚨 Contains spoilers for Season 2 of The Last of Us🚨🚨**

A/N: Happy Mother's Day to all those lovely moms out there and anyone wishing to become one in the future. Being a mom doesn't necessarily mean biologically. 💜

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

You grunt, squinting as you struggle to see in the dark. It's the middle of the night, the sun not yet peeking through the curtains, and you wonder why you woke up until your stomach twists and you realize you're wet between your thighs. "No. No. No. No." You cry, tears in your eyes as you scramble out of bed and rush into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. You shove your shorts down and sob at the blood that's gathered there. You got your period. Again. You sit down on the toilet and gather some paper to clean yourself up while you try to smother your cries but there's a knock at the door and Joel's voice  resonates through it, "are you okay, sweetheart?" He asks and you choke out, "the bed." Joel walks over to turn the lamp on, his eyes widening at the blood on the sheets. "Oh sweetheart." He sighs, resting his forehead against the door frame. "I'm sorry, baby. I - I am useless." You sob and he rattles the door handle, "let me in." He demands and you flush the toilet, washing your hands before you open the door. Joel immediately wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. "We will try again." He promises, "I didn't give up when I was recovering and we won't give up now." He assures you while you sob into his chest.

He sighs, not even going to deny his own disappointment, although people who used to know him in the Boston QZ would never believe it. Joel Miller, disappointed that you aren’t pregnant. The very obvious sign of his seed not taking root staining the sheets of the bed you share. He shouldn’t want a child. He’s closer to fucking sixty years old than not, just a few years shy and yet he finds himself wanting to see you round with his child. His second child by blood, his third in his heart. Ellie is staying with Dina tonight, so he doesn’t have to worry about waking her up as your sobs wrack your body. “You aren’t useless.” He soothes, frowning when he remembers your emotional words. Standing in the bathroom, he wishes there was something that he could do, fertility doctors from twenty plus years ago were a thing of the past. Most people do not want to bring children into this fungi infested world, but here in Jackson, he has hope for the future. Hope for a chance to pass on a legacy.

You cling to him, knowing he's disappointed. Lord knows you've been trying enough but you just can't seem to get pregnant. It's like you are cursed and you wonder if Joel's injuries hurt your chances.

****

You gasp when you look up to see a mangled man carried into the hospital. You set your cup of coffee down and stand up, the resident doctor rushing around to try and stop the bleeding. "What the hell?" You ask and a teenage girl is clinging to his hand as the team try to wheel him into the surgery room. "Joel. Joel. Don't leave me." She pleads, tears in her eyes, and you reach for her. "He's in good hands, sweetheart. Come here. Let the doctor work." You manage to drag her away and she wraps her arms around you and sobs, "I didn't know - she nearly - they nearly- it's all my fault." She chokes and you rub her back, frowning at the doors where the man disappeared.

Hours later, the door swings open and the doctor comes back through, his work scrubs stained with blood. Ellie had been impatiently sitting and leaps out of her seat. “Is he alive? Where is he? I want to see him.” She demands, making the doctor lift his hands slightly. “He’s alive.” He reassures her, making her tense shoulders slump with relief and tears prick her eyes. “There was massive trauma to the head, and-“ Ellie interrupts him. “Of course there is, that bitch tried to beat him to death with a fucking golf club.”

Your eyes widen at the news that he was nearly beaten to death. You wrap your arm around Ellie’s shoulder. She had rambled about how Joel saved her, how much she loves him, how he’s the father she never had. Her words made your heart melt and you silently prayed he pulled through. “It’s going to be a long road to recovery. For now, we will monitor him and see if he pulls through the night. It’s touch and go still.” The doctor warns Ellie who nods, “he will pull through. Joel is a stubborn fucker.” You chuckle and rub her upper arm, “let’s get you something to eat and a shower and we can come back when he’s settled in a room.” You suggest and she’s reluctant to leave but the doctor nods, “he’s unconscious. Will be for a few days at least. His body needs rest. Go get some food and he will be waiting for you.” Ellie nods and lets you guide her to your house. Her home needs to be cleaned up and you don’t want her to see the aftermath of the battle that occurred in her home.

Joel had put up a fight. Furniture is broken, the mirror in the hallway - one he had grumbled about every day when it showed him how old he is - is shattered. Shards of glass and spurts of blood splash the walls. Ellie grimaces and stops at the blood stain on the floor right by the open front door. Obviously no one had cared about closing up the house when rushing Joel off to the hospital. “Right.” She sighs, turning when she hears someone running towards her. “Ellie! Fuck, is Joel alright?” Breathless, Tommy stops in front of the teenager and his face almost begs her to tell him that his older brother is okay. “I tracked her, but she got away.” He explains; that being the reason he wasn’t at the hospital earlier. “She went to the river and I couldn’t track her from there.” 

Ellie straightens her back, shaking her head, “that fucking bitch.” She growls and you answer Tommy’s question. “Joel had surgery. He’s unconscious right now. Still in the air as to him waking up without brain damage. The doctor did the best he could but it…it was bad.” You admit and Tommy closes his eyes, needing to see his brother. “I need to see him.” He says and you nod, “he’s unconscious still. I’m going to get Ellie changed and get her something to eat.” You tell Tommy who reaches out to squeeze Ellie’s shoulder. “Get something to eat, kid. I’ll let you know if anything changes.” Tommy promises and Ellie doesn’t say anything else, going quiet. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat.”

You nod, “go clean up. I’ll get started on trying to clean this up.” You tell her and she makes her way upstairs. You sigh, looking over at the pool of blood and you feel sick. You’ve always had a crush on the older Miller brother since he arrived at Jackson, but you’re certain he doesn’t even know you exist. 

****

You check Joel’s pulse, his eyes moving beneath his eyelids. He’s still unconscious, has been for a few days, and the hospital isn’t equipped with equipment to test brain function. All you can do is watch and wait to see if he will wake up.

Joel hurts, every inch of his body hurts and it feels like he’s trying to move mountains just to open his eyes. Fingers twitching and he opens his mouth, groaning quietly.

You gasp when you hear him groan, watching his eyes flutter, and you let go of his wrist, calling for the doctor. The doctor comes in and you gesture to Joel, “he is waking up.” The doctor nods, checking Joel over, his bandages wrapped around his head, and they had to shave his head to perform the surgery. You wonder if he will be angry about losing his hair. Ellie is in the waiting room so you head out to see her. “He’s awake.” You tell her and she stands up, “he is. I want to see him.” You shake your head, “the doctor is checking him over. Let’s give them some time.”

It takes a long time to understand what the doctors are telling him, frowning in confusion and wondering why his head feels like it’s been squashed like a grape. Moving is slower and he hisses in pain when he learns that his ribs have been broken and his leg is also fractured. Opening his mouth, it’s hard to get a word out. “E-E-El-Ellie.” He manages, needing to see her.

The doctor nods, “she’s okay.” You escort Ellie into the room, wanting her to see her father is awake, and she rushes over to the bed. “Joel. Joel. I’m sorry.” Ellie chokes, reaching for his hand. He groans as he squeezes her hand, silently assured that she’s okay.” You watch their reunion with tears in your eyes from the doorway.

“D-d-don’t bl-ame y-your-self.” Joel rasps out, still fuzzy on what happened. He doesn’t remember anything much before waking up in the hospital. Although he gets the sense he was angry- desperate. He groans in pain when she lunges forward to hug him, but he doesn’t push her away. 

You watch Ellie hug him and you know in that moment you’ll do whatever you can do to make sure Joel gets better. Ellie pulls back after several moments and the doctor checks Joel’s vitals. “He needs some more time here so we can observe him.” Ellie nods at the doctor’s words and you walk over to rub her back.

“I’m going be honest, Mr. Miller,” the doctor tells him as he pulls back. “I am surprised that you even woke up. There was significant bleeding and swelling of the brain. Tests seem positive but there could be damage that hasn’t manifested itself yet.” He tells Joel. “It’s going to be a long road to recovery for you.”

Joel doesn’t say anything. He was nearly murdered. He knows he shouldn’t be alive right now. Ellie sniffs as she steps back and Joel attempts to squeeze her hand. The doctor grabs his clipboard and looks at Joel’s recent vitals. “Waking up was half the struggle. Let’s monitor you and go from there.” The doctor says, “and we will keep running tests.” Joel grunts out an “okay” and you offer him a smile, “you’re a fighter just like Ellie said. She’s lucky to have you.”

You’re familiar to him, he can’t place it, but his thoughts are still fuzzy and jumbled. “How- how long have I been here?” He asks after a moment. “Three days.” Ellie answers and he frowns. “Who- where have you been sleeping?”

Ellie says your name, “I have been staying in her house. She has been cleaning our house because there was too much blood and - and it was a mess.” Ellie reveals and Joel’s eyes are hazy as they meet yours, silently saying goodbye thank you and you nod in response. “Just focus on getting better, Ellie and I are enjoying some girl time.” You tease, winking at Ellie who chuckles.

****

Joel stays in hospital for two weeks and you look after Ellie, preparing his home for his return, and when the doctor declares him fit to leave, he says that he needs someone to look after him. He still can’t shower by himself, he needs help eating and he struggles to walk alone. It’s going to be a long recovery for Joel. “I can help,” Ellie says without hesitation as Joel sits on the edge of the bed.

“You can’t help me do everything.” Joel grunts, knowing that he could never allow the teenage girl to help him shower or get to fucking bathroom. “I- Tommy-“ his brother has been by to visit every day, and he’s talked to him about taking Ellie. He doesn’t know how he will manage, but he also knows he can’t burden Maria and their baby with his convalesce.

“Tommy is out of town on a scouting mission.” Ellie says, knowing Joel’s brother was set on revenge for his brother’s condition. He just had to track Abby down. “I can help.” You volunteer, feeling close to him despite not having a full conversation with him. Spending time with Ellie, hearing her stories about Joel and his bravery had made you fond of him. “I can help him at home.” You offer and the doctor looks to Joel for his answer.

His eyes slide to you, unsure why you would volunteer to help him, but the doctor immediately nods. “That would be a good idea.” He agrees. “You can check his bandages and make sure that he doesn’t get an infection.” He smiles at the three of you like it’s a done deal and Joel frowns slightly, not sure if he likes the idea of you helping him.

You nod, noticing Ellie’s grateful smile, and you look at Joel, “it’s for the best. I can monitor your health and help you. I’m a nurse. It’s a medical decision.” You tell him and he grunts, knowing he doesn’t have a choice. He’s discharged and you wheel him to the doctor’s truck, knowing Joel won’t be able to walk home. You arrive outside of the house and Joel grunts, “I can walk.” He doesn’t want a wheelchair so you let him wrap his arm around you to guide him into the house. “Take your time.” You reassure him, “no need to rush.”

The shuffle is slow and painful, making him huff in irritation that he can’t move like he would want to. Even as he’s gotten older and been slower, he’s been able to move how he wanted to. Now, in a cast and recovering from nearly dying, he needs help. Ellie jumps forward to open the door and he’s glad to see that the scene that had been left from the attack you told him about has been cleaned away. He will have to thank you for that. “Fuck.” He pants, out of breath and in pain just because of the short walk from the truck to the house. “I don’t know how the fuck I’m getting upstairs.”

“We moved a bed downstairs.” You tell him, “you won’t be going upstairs for a while.” You escort him into the living room and help him settle down on the bed. He’s only wearing socks so he groans as he sits down and you help him lay on the bed. “You need to rest as much as possible. Let me get you some water. Are you hungry?” You ask, helping him settle against the pillows.

“Can you cook better than the shit they served at the hospital?” He grumbles, having not enjoyed the food there. He’s relieved to be home and his head hurts a little bit less today than before. He’s got a plate covering the fractured portion of his skull and they actually had to remove a large chunk of the bone.

You chuckle, “I like to think so. I’m glad your appetite is back. What do you feel like? I make a mean mac and cheese.” You adjust his pillow and Ellie comes to sit down next to him. “She’s a really good cook. Like really good. I’ve been helping make cheese and we even made a cake.” She tells Joel with wide eyes, shocked at how this place is like life in books she read.

“Sure.” Joel agrees, the little fissure of pain at the mention of a cake isn’t as rough as it might once have been. The last night she had been alive, Sarah had wanted a cake desperately for Joel’s birthday. “Make something the kid likes.” He suggests. “I eat anything.”

You smile, liking how he caters to Ellie, and you know that Ellie told the truth about the man she considers a father. “What do you want, sweetheart?” You ask her and she nods, “Mac and cheese.” You ask if she wants to help you while Joel gets settled in and Ellie follows you into the kitchen so you can get started on the food and you pour Joel a glass of water. “You want to take this to Joel?” You ask Ellie who takes the glass and takes it to her father figure.

Joel listens to the sound of people talking in the kitchen and it’s so strange. He can’t make out what’s being said, but he can hear voices. It’s almost unsettling that there is someone else in the safe, cozy home that he and Ellie have managed to carve out for themselves. Tommy told him that Abby, the girl who had attacked him, was the daughter of the doctor he had killed to save Ellie. His past sins were coming back to haunt him, but he doesn’t regret not letting the teen sacrifice herself for a lost cause.

Ellie comes back out to hand Joel the glass of water and he takes it, taking a sip. “Thanks, kid.” He says and she sits down at the edge of his bed. “I- I thought I was gonna lose you.” She whispers, her brown eyes meeting his, “I was scared.” She admits and Joel feels his chest tighten, tears stinging in his eyes. “But you didn’t. I survived and I ain’t going anywhere, kid.” He promises, reaching out to squeeze her hand with his free one. “She been looking after you?” He asks her, jerking his chin towards the kitchen. “Yeah. She’s been great. She cleaned this place up. Made sure I ate and showered and slept while worrying like fuck about you. She’s a good one.” Ellie says and Joel trusts her opinion. You hear what Ellie says from around the corner, some homemade chips in a bowl in your hand and you smile, liking that she trusts you. You carry the bowl in and set it down , “hope these are good. We fried them earlier today.” You say, looking between Ellie and Joel.

Joel’s brow raises and he nods. “Thanks.” It hurts to nod so he just sends you his thanks with his eyes. “For taking care of her and me now, I guess.” He sips the water and grunts when the cool liquid slides down his throat to quench his thirst. “I’m sorry for all the cursing I will be doing.” He warns you, knowing he’s never been a good patient.

You chuckle, “curse away. You’re alive. That’s all that matters.” You promise and make your way back into the kitchen to continue making dinner. It’s going to be a long path of recovery but you’re happy to help Joel get back on his feet. 

****

“Shit.” Joel hisses as you help him into the downstairs bathroom to shower. “Do you, uh, I can help take off your pants.” You offer, cheeks burning as you try and help him shower for the first time since he left the hospital.

Joel isn’t a shy man, never has been, but the idea that you have to help him bathe like he is a helpless baby makes him burn with embarrassment. There’s not a goddamn thing he can do about it though, his body is still healing and he can’t get his head wet because of the stitches and staples. “Fuck.” He grunt, hoping he doesn’t really embarrass himself. The fact that he’s not gotten an erection since he’s woken up makes him wonder if something is wrong with that function. “Fuck, what the hell else am I going to do? Shower with my fuckin’ clothes on?”

You shake your head, “no. I- I have to help. I’m a nurse. I am a professional.” You tell him even though that doesn’t hold much weight in today’s world. “Let me help you.” You reach in to turn on the water to heat it up and you reach for Joel’s shirt. “Keep still.” You murmur, working the buttons open. He probably prefers t-shirts but the button down is required so he doesn’t jostle his head. He is still weak so he lets you push the shirt off of his shoulders. “Pants next.” You declare and hook your fingers in the sweatpants, dragging them down his legs  and he’s naked under them so it's easier for him to use the bathroom. He steps out of them and you try not to appraise his naked form. He’s still healing but he’s gorgeous.

“Sorry.” He huffs, knowing that the last thing you want to do is to help an old man bathe, his still bruised body on display. Luckily, there were still medical supply devices like a chair to sit in the shower to make it easier for him, although he knows you will get wet helping him. His dormant cock twitches slightly and his eyes widen at the sensation.

You focus on looking after him and not on his body, which even though bruised, is still beautiful. You know your clothes will get soaked but that’s okay, you don’t want to strip off and make him uncomfortable so you step into the shower and help him sit down on the chair. “Temperature okay?” You ask and he nods. You grab the soap you made last week and hold it out. “You want to do it or shall I?” You ask, knowing you’ll need to wash his face so he doesn’t get his head wet.

He hates to admit that he’s so damn tired after getting into the shower, he just wants you to do it. Grunting, he shakes his head slightly and winces when he feels a little pain. “Just do it.” He tells you, not wanting this to become some kind of pissing match. “Feel like a damn baby.”

You nod, “I understand but this is the best thing for you, honey. You need to focus on healing. You nearly died so being showered isn’t the worst thing in the world.” You put it in perspective for him. You lather up your hands and work on washing his back. He groans and your stomach twists with forbidden arousal. He’s injured, recovering, you shouldn’t feel attracted to him.

“Does it hurt?” Your soft question is almost arousing, murmuring in his ear but he grunts. “No.” His voice comes out raspy and raw. “Feels good.” He’s still so damn sore and your hands on his skin feels like a massage. “It’s feeling really good.”

You continue working on washing him, mindful of his bruises. “Good.” You murmur, “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” You say as you massage the soap into his black and blue back. “Tommy tried to find them but they were gone.” You reveal, “they are gone.”

“It’s my fault.” Joel murmurs quietly, closing his eyes and trying to forget the moment he had killed that doctor, but it plays behind his lids. “How could you deserve something like this?” You snort, but he sighs softly. “I killed her father.” He reveals. “He was a doctor, for the Fireflies. They believed Ellie was the answer to a cure.” He opens his eyes, frowning. “They were going to remove her brain.”

You gasp, your hands freezing on his back. "They - does she know?" You whisper and Joel shakes his head. "She can't." You declare, having gotten to know Ellie enough to know that she would sacrifice herself. He nods, "I can't - I lied to her. I can't lose her." He confesses and you rub his back, "you won't. Secret's safe with me." You promise, "you didn't deserve this, Joel. No one does. This world...it's cruel but we have our little piece of paradise here. We just gotta protect it."

Even though he knows it would never absolve him of his sins, your words are a balm to his spirit. Soothing him and making him relax even more. “It’s nice here.” He murmurs softly. “Sarah would love it here.”

Ellie had briefly discussed the daughter that Joel lost on Outbreak Day and you rub his shoulders, “we are lucky. Not QZ, not the Wild West. We are safe and our commune is thriving.” You hum, “Ellie is lucky to have you.” You murmur and he hisses when you press a little too hard, “I’m sorry.” You grab the rag and lather it up, “you, uh, want to wash your -” Your cheeks heat up at the thought and he takes the rag without a word.

Joel washes his groin quickly, gritting his teeth when his long neglected cock starts to stir from the simple touch and the smell of your soap. He has noticed it every time he gets your help to use the bathroom and he is now covered in it. “Help me.” He grunts, trying to push to his feet so he can wash his ass.

You wrap your arms under his armpits, helping him stand and he grunts as he washes his ass. When he’s done, you rinse him off and shut off the water, grabbing the towel around his waist. “You good?” You ask and he nods, “yeah. Just feel like a fucking baby.” You chuckle, “at least you don’t need breastfeeding.”

“Fuck.” He huffs and blurts out, “that would be more fun,” before he even realizes how inappropriate it would be. “Shit, I’m sorry.” He grunts, blushing slightly.

You snort and smile, “I think we are beyond apologies now, huh?” You say, knowing you’ve helped him to the bathroom and now helped him shower. “Let’s get you redressed and I’ll heat up the soup I made earlier for you.” You tell him and grab the clean clothes you set aside for him.

His bedroom is what used to be the downstairs office. It’s got some doors for privacy, but more often than not, they are kept open until he needs to change. It makes it easier. “I didn’t ask, how do you like that bed?” His bedroom upstairs had become yours since they had broken down the smaller bed from the third bedroom. Joel wouldn’t let you sleep on the couch, telling you he could piss in a bottle in the middle of the night if he needed to. You deserved to sleep in a real bed for helping him.

“It’s good. Nice and comfy. I have no complaints.” You tell him, knowing your roommate, Sandra, will be enjoying the peace and quiet on her own in your house. “I hope it’s comfortable here.” You help him pull the shirt over his head and you kneel down so he can  step into the sweatpants.

“It’s a bed.” He’s going to be uncomfortable regardless of where he is because of how badly he had been beaten. The only reason he’s alive is because she had started swinging on other parts of his body besides the head. “I think I’ll appreciate it more when I can move without wanting to cry.”

“Not too long now. You’ve overcome the worst. You’ll get there in the end.” You promise him, “you’ll get better. Ellie needs you.” You pull the sweatpants up and stand up, patting his chest. “All clean.” You smile and guide him to sit on the bed. You swing his legs onto the bed and stand up, “I’ll go get your soup, Miller.”

He watches you go, his eyes dropping down to your ass, not for the first time either. This time though, there is a punch of lust that his body responds to. Making him grunt and reach down to adjust himself slightly. You are beautiful and now that he has spent time with you, he can see why Tommy called him a lucky bastard.

****

You spend eight weeks looking after Joel. Helping him bathe until he can manage himself, feeding him, making sure he has water. It’s your priority and you are so happy he’s recovering well. He can walk properly now and the bruises have faded. “You want some cake?” You ask Joel as he walks into the kitchen where Ellie is trying to lick the spoon of the jam you made to go in the sponge cake.

“God, yes.” Joel groans, the irony of cake not being lost on him. You have been positively spoiling him and Ellie and he hates to think about when you will leave. He’s getting better and it’s about time you go back to your own life. “Are we doing a shower tonight?” The stitches are out, but he still has staples and needs help in the shower.

You nod, “yes, sir. Gotta make sure you avoid a nasty infection. We don’t have any oral antibiotics left.” You sigh, knowing that even if someone found some, they’d be expired. You and Ellie put the cake together and you cut out a slice for each of you. Setting the plate down in front of Joel, you love the way he smiles at you. It’s been impossible to keep your affection for him at bay. You’ve fallen for him, knowing that you will have to return home at some point but the grumpy yet funny man has gotten into your heart.

“Thanks.” He sends you a grateful look and sets his elbows on the table as he waits for you to sit down. “It smells incredible. You seem to enjoy cooking, or is it just something you do because you know Ellie can’t?” He teases, making the teenager huff and roll her eyes. “It’s not like I’ve had a chance to learn, man.”

You giggle and nudge Ellie, “you’ve been learning. You’ll get there. No, I, uh, I love cooking. Always have.” You admit, “I missed it a lot when I was on the outside. Cooking rabbit on a fire isn’t quite the same as cooking in a warm kitchen.” You sigh, forking up a bite of the cake.

“Yeah, campfires are temperamental, and cooking on them is even worse.” He snorts. Ellie chuckles. “When you would let us have them.” Joel shrugs slightly. “It’s dangerous out there.” He reminds her. “Hell, it’s dangerous in here too, but it’s better than out there.” He glances towards the entryway where he had collapsed when Abby nearly beat him to death.

You notice his glance and you realize once again how close to death he was. “You’re here now. Hopefully you don’t have to go back out there anytime soon.” You reach out to squeeze Joel’s hand and he smiles at you, his fork in his other hand, “you are safe for now.”

You have been incredible, and it’s almost amazing to see how you have slipped past the shell of his heart, something that only Ellie has managed since Tess. It’s hard to believe Tess has been gone as long as she has, but Joel has been slowly trying to heal emotionally as he heals physically. Thoughts of you have crept into his waking hours, causing some embarrassing moments in the showers when he gets hard, or you wake him up from an erotic dream that features you.

****

“So, the doctor gave you the all clear. Just to be careful and not do too much.” You smile at Joel as you enter the living room after the doctor left. He had done a full assessment of Joel and called his surgery a miracle - the fact that he survived is a gift from God. Ellie is out visiting Dina and you sit down next to Joel on the sofa, “I guess I can get out of your hair now. You can have your bed back and I’ll go back to my place.” You finish softly, sad to be leaving him.

Joel wipes his hands on his sweatpants, still wearing them out of habit over the past few months. “You’re probably happy as hell to be getting away.” He snorts as he looks over at you and wonders how you have become even prettier than before. He’s crazy about you, how kind you are, how you have taken Ellie under your wing and how you never rebuke him for when he gets sad and introspective. You have helped so much and he hates that you are leaving. “Maybe I need to get the shit beat out of me again, make you stick around.”

You chuckle, shaking your head. "No need to do that. All you have to do is ask me to stay and I would." You confess and your eyes widen at the way you blurted that out. You close your mouth, turning your head to stare across the room, avoiding those dark brown eyes. "I'm sorry. I-" You begin but he interrupts you. "Stay." You turn your head to look at him again, "what? You - you want me to stay?" You ask, feeling breathless.

He rolls his eyes at your question and huffs. “Do you think that I’m getting hard every time you help me shower because getting clean turns me on?” He asks bluntly. “I’ve been trying to think about anything else but you, but nothing works.”

You stare at him in shock, “I- I can’t believe - I just thought you were horny because you couldn’t jerk off.” You snort and close your eyes for a second. “I think about you. All the time.” You admit, reaching for his hand, “I had a crush on you before I came to help.” You tell him honestly, “always thought you were handsome, but now that I know you? You’re - fuck, I love you.” You confess just as breathless as your prior revelation.

His own breath stops, caught in his chest as you confess your feelings. A year ago, hell - a few months ago, he would have been denying that you felt that way. Ignoring it or being unable to respond in kind because his world was still ground to a halt, but that had changed. You and Ellie, that attack, it had changed things and made him realize that even though he had lost so many, he still had those to live for. He lunges forward and presses his lips to yours. “Love you too.” He murmurs as you gasp.

You can’t believe he’s kissing you but you reach up to cup his cheek, pressing your lips back to his, and your heart is pounding in your chest. You shift closer, cupping his other cheek and you rest your forehead against his when you pull back, caressing his stubbled cheeks. “I love you, Miller.” You smile, unable to fathom that the man you’ve fallen for loves you too.

He's panting and his heart is beating wildly in his chest. Already turned on again and starting to tent his sweats and all you've done is shared one kiss. Reaching up, he caresses your neck and shoulder. "Are you sure? I'm fuckin' old, baby." He jokes. "And a little decrepit."

You shake your head, "you're not decrepit. Or too old. I love you, Joel. No matter what. Hell, if I can look after you like I have and still think you are sexy, you're good to go." You promise with a giggle, sliding your hands down to his chest. "And I haven't stopped thinking about you between my thighs. Inside of me." You confess in a hushed tone.

The kid is off with her friend and Joel groans quietly, having thought of nothing else for the past few days. "I don't know if I can perform worth a shit." He admits with a shake of his head. "Haven't cum since I woke up."

"I don't care. Just want to be close to you." You murmur, "don't care if you cum right away. I can ride you." You want to be close to him, to feel all of him. "I keep thinking about how you'd feel inside of me."

He's still in his downstairs bedroom and he nudges his nose against yours. "Close the doors." He rasps out, nodding towards the French doors that close off his makeshift space. "I don't want to tire myself out trying to get upstairs."

You stand up, hands shaky as you shut the doors and turn to face him. You take in the details of his face, his head shaved from his surgery so his hair is growing back patchy but he’s still so attractive. You reach for the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and you swiftly remove your bra. Hooking your fingers in your leggings, you push them down along with your panties to stand naked in front of him. “I’ve seen yours, figured it’s only fair if you see mine.”

"It gets bigger." He jokes, aware that you have seen and politely ignored the times he's gotten hard from you helping him in the shower. "Fuck, you are beautiful." He praises breathlessly, eyes drinking in your body as he licks his lips. It's been a long goddamn time since he's been with someone, the last person was Tess, but he feels like he's about to bust if he doesn't touch you.

“So are you.” You respond as you walk towards him. “So brave. A fucking fighter.” You murmur, shifting to straddle him as he sits back on the bed. His hands immediately find your ass and you chuckle, knowing he’s watched it enough times. You cup his cheeks and lean in to kiss him, “wanna see if it gets bigger.” You joke, grinding down onto the tent in his sweats.

Joel groans, twitching underneath you and he knows he won’t have any problem performing. The problem might be that he doesn’t please you before he cums. His hand slides around your waist to dip between your thighs. Hissing when he finds you starting to get slick as he starts to slowly rub your clit.

“Oh God.” You pant, rocking down onto his hand. It’s been far too long since anyone touched you and you are whimpering at the way his thick fingers rub your bundle of nerves. You tilt your head back and he leans in to kiss along your neck, your fingers digging into his shoulder as you absorb every touch.

He groans as he learns your body. He and Tess had been comfortable, completely familiar with each other and what the other liked. The whimpers and groans rockets his arousal higher as you grind down against his fingers and he feels like he’s going to bust in his sweats. Turning his wrist, he presses his thumb against your clit and slides his fingers through your slick folds so he can press them inside you.

“I want to touch you.” You whimper and he shakes his head, “not yet. Otherwise this will be over sooner than you thought.” He grunts and you rock onto his thick fingers, stretching you out in the most delicious way. “Fuckkkk.” You exhale as he presses his finger against that spongy spot inside of you. He’s good. He knows what he’s doing.

He loves the way you respond to him, how wet you get. Sliding his hand up and down your back as he kisses along your shoulder and down to your tit. Wrapping his lips around a stiff nipple as he continues to pump his fingers in and out of your wet heat.

“Shit.” You hiss, caressing his head as he suckles on your nipple like he’s trying to root. It has you quivering and you’re so close. So many nights of imagining how he’d touch you has led to you getting worked up faster than you have ever known. “Joel. Oh God, Joel. You’re gonna make me - I’m gonna-” You don’t finish your cry as you cut yourself off with a strangler choke and clamp down on his digits, soaking them with your cum.

“That’s it, fuck, good girl.” Joel pants against your breast as he pumps his fingers to help you ride out your orgasm. “You’re so goddamn good to me, ain’t ya? You creamin’ all over my fingers, making me harder than a fucking rock.” He coos praises into your skin, enjoying the way your nails bite into his shoulder through the shirt. Your pretty cunt soaked his fingers and he can only imagine how good you will feel around his cock.

His words make you choke on your breath as he works you through your orgasm. You never imagined he’d be so dirty but you love it. “Fuck, baby. Yes. I need - I need you inside of me but I want to suck your cock.” You whine, reaching down to tug on the hem of his shirt, wanting him naked beneath you.

“You can’t.” Joel moans, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t last a minute. And I want to feel you, fuck, imagined it so many times.” He pants, pulling away from the back of the bed so you can pull his shirt off. “Maybe- later, if I can get it up again.” He chuckles.

You pull his shirt over his head, still mindful of his injuries, and you slide your hands down his chest, admiring his broadness. “You’re so sexy.” You murmur, reaching down to pull his cock out of his sweatpants, wanting to see him in this light. You’ve seen his cock plenty of times but now you know he’s hard for you and it’s intoxicating. You pump him and he groans out a warning so you shift to lift your hips, positioning him at your entrance and you slowly sink down onto him.

“Fuuuuuuuuck.” His hands grip your hips harshly and he clenches his jaw as you take him. You are hot and tight like a glove around his cock, clenching around him as your walls flutter. Your ass presses against his thighs and he rocks his hips up. “Fuck, that’s - fuck, gimme a minute.” He begs, feeling like he’s about to cum. “Let me- calm down.”

You nod, stilling on top of him, and you caress his chest. He exhales shakily and you lean in to kiss him, “take your time, baby. I’m in no rush.” You promise and kiss along his jaw, loving how he stretches you out.

It’s been so long since he’s felt this close to anyone, your breath blows against his skin and he shivers. Closing his eyes as he holds you still. “Fuck, I love you.” He murmurs quietly, aware that this is something that he shouldn’t even have, he should have died. But he’s here and he’s going to live for the moment and bask in the forgiveness of your touch.

You close your eyes at his words, loving how he caresses you, and you tilt your head to look at him. “I love you too. You’re so much more than you think you are.” You murmur, caressing his cheek, and you experimentally rock your hips. His groan makes your stomach clench and you rock again, starting slow as he moves inside of you.

“Shit.” He hisses quietly, opening his eyes to watch as you start to move. “You’re so pretty, so fuckin’ pretty.” He promises as he starts to slide his hands up and down your back. “You feel so good, does it feel good for you?”

His words make your heart pound in your chest and you nod, “feels so good. You feel so damn big inside of me.” You confess breathlessly, “stretching me out. It’s been so long since I had sex. You need to- to pull out so tell me if you’re close.” You remind him, not wanting an accidental pregnancy right now.

Joel grunts, looking into your eyes as he nods. “I will.” He promises. Safe sex isn’t really a thing to be had but hopefully there’s not something to come of this. You are right to remind him. “I’m good baby, ride me.”

You take his word and start to move faster. Your hands gripping his shoulders as you start to move on top of him, moaning at the way he twitches inside of you. "Fuck, you feel so good." You pant, chest heaving as his cock curves just right inside of you.

Joel grunts and leans forward to press his lips to yours, biting your bottom lip after he kisses you. Your breasts brush against his chest and he pulls you closer, craving the feel of your skin against his.

You moan into his mouth, loving how strong her feels, how he’s recovered and he’s stronger for it mentally. You rock down onto his cock, loving the way he twitches inside of you, and you are getting close. Just the feel of having the man you love inside of you is pushing you higher. “Oh shit.” You whimper when you find the right spot and you reach down to rub your clit, pushing yourself closer to the edge.

“That’s it pretty girl, making yourself cum.” Joel groans, watching you touch yourself with dark eyes. It’s so sexy and he can’t get enough of it. “Make yourself cum on my cock. I want to feel it, see it. Show me what you look like.”

You nod, mouth open as you work yourself higher until you finally fall over the edge. A cry escapes your lips as you cum, moaning his name and you clamp down on his cock, soaking him while your orgasm rocks through you.

His eyes roll back in pleasure as he feels you squeezing him and he knows he will be cumming any second. “Sweethea-rt, you gotta-“ he grits his teeth as he jerks your body up off his cock so he can keep his promise to you, panting as he spurts all over his stomach and chest.

You watch him as he cums and you love it. The way he looks is intoxicating and you lean in to kiss him. “Fuck, I love you.” You murmur, leaning in to kiss him as he pants your name.

He kisses you back eagerly, reaching for his shirt to wipe away the mess so you can lean against him. “Fuck, that was- I can’t even-“ he chuckles quietly and kisses you again. “What do you think about moving in permanently?”

You smile as he looks at you, his dark eyes soft, and you cup his cheeks. “Yes. Absolutely.” Your smile turns into a grin, excited to explore this next step with Joel. “I was dreading going home and I would miss you and Ellie like crazy.” You confess, “I want to stay.”

“Good.” He pauses for a moment and then he admits, “it’s felt like a proper home with you here. Ellie, she loves you too.” He tells you softly. “I think she imagines we are a family.”

“I imagine that too. She’s like a daughter to me.” You confess, “I want to make this a home and I want to be yours. Be in your bed every night. Be by your side no matter what.” You promise and Joel smiles, cupping your cheek, “sounds amazing, baby.”

****

“Joel.” You say his name as he takes a sip of whiskey. Ellie is watching a movie with the other kids in the barn and you decided to cook a romantic dinner for Joel, wanting to ask him something. He looks at you and you tilt your head, appraising him. You pick up your glass and take a sip, your throat suddenly dry. “Everything okay, baby?” He asks and you nod, squaring your shoulders. “I want a baby.” You announce, bracing yourself for him to say no.

Joel freezes, waiting for the familiar ache to take over his chest. For this vision to blur and his breathing to turn into short bursts as thoughts of Sarah take over. As the sounds of her rapid, panicked last breaths fill his ears. It never comes. 

He doesn’t panic at the thought of having a child that could remind him of Sarah. Ellie does in some ways, but she’s a completely different type of girl. One raised in the world outside the safety of the walls of Jackson. If you had a child here, they would be innocent in some ways Ellie was not, more like Sarah. “A baby, huh?” He murmurs after a moment. “With me?” He asks. “I’m nearly sixty, baby. You want that?”

You sense his hesitation and you feel like backtracking but you think about the nights you’ve spent awake pondering this, weighing the pros and cons of having his baby in this world. You reach for his hand, “I know and I still want it. Spending time with Ellie, helping with your nephew, it’s made me realize that I can do it. It’s hard, always hard being a mother, but I’m ready and I want a baby. I want a baby that will carry our legacy, a baby that will grow up safe and capable. We will make sure of it. Unless you don’t want that, which is - it’s fine. I’ll handle your decision. We both have to want this, Joel. Not just me. Don’t do it for me. I want you to want this too and if you don’t, then that’s case closed.” You promise, not wanting to pressure him.

Joel squeezes your hand gently, reminded of the nights he had woken in a cold sweat, sometimes from the broken memories of him being attacked or the memory of losing Sarah. You have been right beside him, offering him comfort and solace. He’s told you about that night, sharing with you memories that he has kept bottled for over twenty years. You had cried in his arms like you had been Sarah’s mother, assuring him that he had done everything right to try to protect his baby girl. The fact that he’s not immediately said no is very insightful and he bites his lip and watches you with a softness that even a year ago, he was unsure he was capable of. “It’s been a looooong time since 2 AM feedings and my hearing is shot.” He snorts, smiling slightly. “You’ll have to poke me to wake me up if you want me to get up with a baby.”

You smile, loving the way he has agreed to having a baby with you. “You’re forgetting the best part about deciding to have a baby….” You trail off and smirk, “the trying.” He returns your smirk and you giggle, standing up from your seat and you round the table to sit in his lap. “I love you.” You murmur when you’re settled in his lap, reaching up to caress his cheek. “I want you to fuck a baby into me, Joel.”

“Fuck, that’s hotter than I ever imagined.” Joel grunts, twitching underneath you. His sex drive isn’t completely on par with yours, but he keeps up and keeps you satisfied in other ways. You’ve told him you don’t regret being with him at all. Which is another balm on his battered soul. “You want me to cum in that pretty pussy?” He asks, squeezing your ass. “Imagined how you would look dripping me a few times.”

You moan, kissing along his jaw as his words wash over you. “I want you to cum inside of me. Put a baby in me.” You plead, wiggling on his lap. His hair has grown back now, more gray in it, but you love it, and you reach up to run your fingers through his hair.

He groans and captures your lips with his, licking into your mouth immediately as the easy passion blooms between you. His hands move to start stripping you down.

It doesn’t take long for you and Joel to be naked. You stumbled up the stairs to your bedroom, clothes scattered on the trail upstairs and when you lay down on the bed, Joel is immediately hovering over you. Your heart is pounding in your chest and his hand slides along your thigh, cupping your pussy. “I don’t want foreplay. I just want you. Want to feel all of you.” You murmur, caressing his shoulders.

There are times when you want the burn of his cock stretching you out and tonight is one of those nights it seems. That’s good because Joel is impatient to get inside you. He takes his cock in hand and pumps it a few times as he shuffles forward to press against your entrance. “I love you.” He murmurs.

He pushes inside of you, stretching you out, and you gasp out “love you too.” He pushes inside of you until he’s fully seated and you take a deep breath, enjoying the weight of his body on top of yours and the weight of the moment. Deciding to take this step together has your body primed and ready for him. He starts to move inside of you and you wrap your legs around his waist, moaning at the way he rocks into you.

Nearly dying hadn’t had the lasting effects that the doctors had feared when Joel had been brought in. His thrusts are steady, if not a little harder than normal, although he keeps the pace sedate. Not rushing, but he enjoys burying himself as deep as he can go and watching your eyes roll back in pleasure. “Gonna knock you up.” He grunts out.

His words make you clench around him, your hands sliding down his back to squeeze his ass. His recovery has been a miracle from the man who was on death's door to the man currently making love to you trying to get you pregnant. You whimper when his lips find your neck and you rock your hips up to try and meet his.

Every time the two of you come together, Joel remembers how lucky he is. His kisses trail along your throat as he groans into your skin. Both of you give and take from each other. “Fuck, baby.” Joel moans, his body tensing when you clench down around him again. “You gonna cum before I fill you up? Love it when you soak my cock.”

You nod, "yes baby. I - shit - you always feel so good." You slide one hand down between you so you can rub your clit. He immediately bats your hand away after shifting his weight onto one elbow. You moan when he rubs your clit just right, his hips pushing into your ass as you take him deep inside of you. "Shit. Joel. You - I'm - God." You cry out as you clamp down on his cock, soaking him.

“That’s it, good girl, goooooood girl.” Joel moans, clenching his teeth as you come apart around him. He feels his own body is ready to cum, excited by the situation and it only takes a few more thrusts. Instead of pulling his hips back, he plunges them forward, embedding himself deep as he paints your womb with his seed. “Fuck, fuck.” He pants, closing his eyes as he rides out his orgasm, amazed at how good it feels. “You’ll be pregnant in no time.”

You smile against his lips when he leans in to kiss you and you’re so hopeful for the future with Joel. A baby that looks like the two of you combined. You are excited and when he pulls out, you keep his cum inside of you, trying to make sure that it takes. You’ll be pregnant in no time.

****

“Sweetheart….I’m supposed to go ride the southern border and check the area.” You’ve quieted down over the past few hours, but he can still see the sadness lurking in your eyes. You’ve stopped blaming yourself but he knows those thoughts are bouncing around and he’s reluctant to leave you. “Do you want me to have Tommy go? Stay here with you?”

You shake your head, eyes sore from crying, “no baby. Just go. I’ll be fine. Ellie will be back soon.” You murmur, keeping your back turned towards him. You feel useless, you feel broken, and you feel exhausted. You’ve tried so hard to get pregnant. You even researched old wives tales about how to get pregnant. You’ve taken herbs, teas, anything you can to get pregnant and after trying for so long, you’re exhausted.

He worries about you, leaning over and pressing his lips to your forehead. “I’ll be back as quickly as possible and I’ll make dinner tonight.” He offers. It’s the historical Mother’s Day today, and he knows you will be extra glum since you are once again not pregnant. Sometimes he wonders if he should just tell you that he’s changed his mind, taking the guilt and worry about it off your shoulders. You can blame him for not having a child. “Okay?”

“Sure.” You murmur, closing your eyes as a cramp contracts in your stomach, making you curl into a ball. You really thought this was it. Your period was two weeks late and you didn’t tell Joel because you wanted to surprise him and then you got your period. You sniff and Joel sighs, shuffling out of the bed to get ready for his shift. You can’t blame him. He’s had a kid. It’s got to be you that’s the issue.

He’ll look for some wildflowers for you while he’s out. They always make you smile and tonight, he will do his best to make sure that you know that no matter what, he loves you. He thinks about all this while he puts his clothes on and brushes his teeth, coming out of the bathroom to find you still curled up. “Go soak in a hot bath, baby.” He suggests, walking over to the bed and kissing your cheek. “I’ll be back soon.”

You listen to him go and you know it's technically Mother's Day today. Salt in the wound. You swallow harshly and wait until the front door closes before you allow yourself to sob again. You can't believe you aren't pregnant. You've tried so hard. Maybe you aren't meant to be a mother.

Saddling the horse and getting let out of the gates of Jackson has Joel on autopilot. Most often the scouting parties are in groups, but today had been just singles, most men in the community wanting to spend time with their wives and celebrate them. The grass is green and lush; there's a certain beauty to the mild spring transitioning into warmer weather. Urging the horse forward, he is eager to finish the patrol so he can get back to you.

You have your bath, eyes sore from sobbing, and you try to come to terms that you’re never going to be a mother. It’s just not in the cards. You love Ellie and you think of her as your daughter but you wanted a baby, a combination of you and Joel to love and care for in this new world. That isn’t going to happen and you curl around yourself in bed after you’re dry, trying to cope with that fact.

Pulling the reins, Joel listens carefully, certain that he has just heard a cry. His hand goes to his rifle to pull it off his shoulder. Wary of traps or ruses to draw unsuspecting people in, he scans the area. Silence lingers long enough until he’s almost convinced he was hearing things when there’s another, louder cry. A baby. His eyes widen and he nudges the horse forward again. “Hello?” He cups his hand and calls out, wondering if there is a group traveling nearby. There must be, if there is a baby. Mountain lions and things that can sound like a baby crying are farther up in the mountains. Instead of the sound quieting, the crying turns into screaming, giving him a direction to head towards. Joel keeps his rifle up and guides the horse with his knees when he almost stumbles upon the scene. 

“Shit!” There’s a woman lying on the ground, face down with a carrier on her back, a small baby - no more than three or four months old - screaming from the restraints. He scans the areas again, looking for a trap, but there’s nothing moving. The baby's howls prompts him to dismount and move towards the woman, his rifle pointed at her until he reaches them and nudges her with his boot. Wondering if she’s been changed and cannot get to the baby, although he’s never seen one go dormant with a human around and making noise. “Hey…” prodding her doesn’t make her move and Joel scans the area again, the open range not a good spot to plan an ambush, but someone could be hiding in the tall grass. Carefully kneeling down, he grabs a bony thin shoulder and turns the woman enough to see that her gaunt face and shrunken eyes are lifeless. “Shit.” He hisses, looking back at the baby who is almost as bad as the mother. From what it looks like, this poor woman had been traveling to find shelter, food, anything for her and her baby and she collapsed less than two miles from salvation. 

Joel sighs as he sets the rifle down and rolls the body on its side. “I’m sorry.” He murmurs quietly, his heart clenching at the reality of the situation, reaching out to close the woman’s eyes before unbuckling the strap for the carrier that is across her chest.

Ellie returns before Joel does and you offer her a smile as she says hello. “I, uh, I made you something.” She says, handing you a piece of paper. It’s a card. “Happy Mother’s Day” it says and your heart clenches. A genuine smile on your face as you realize she made this for you. You open it and tears sting in your eyes as you read her scrawled handwriting. “Thank you for being the mom I never had.” She wrote and you choke, reaching for her. “I love you so much sweetheart.” You pull her close, reminded that you have a beautiful daughter who loves you. “I love you too.” She murmurs, holding you just as tight. The front door opens and you pull back as you hear a baby crying. “Joel?” You gasp when your partner walks into the kitchen.

“Ellie….go to Tommy’s and get a bottle.” He orders the teenager as he starts to pull the baby carrier off his own chest to take the baby out. He had brought the body back, but this baby needed milk as soon as he could get it for her. “I found her,” he explains. “A woman collapsed two miles away from Jackson, she starved to death.” He motions you over. “At least, I think it’s a girl.”

Your eyes widen as he cradles the baby and you reach out to take them into your arms. The baby’s diaper is dirty and you shush them as you walk over to grab an old dish towel from the drawer as a makeshift diaper. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” You coo, unwrapping the baby on the kitchen table and you tell Joel to get a wet cloth. You work on cleaning up the baby, “it’s a girl.” You announce and wrap her in the dishtowel, using the pin from her old diaper. “It’s okay sweetheart. You’re okay, sweet girl. You’re safe and we are going to get you milk.” You promise, cradling her as you turn back towards Joel. “Her poor mother. So close to salvation.” You sigh, shaking your head at the tragedy.

“I brought her back.” Joel tells you quietly, watching as you bounce the baby girl in your arms and coo at her to calm her down. “Hoping something in her bag would tell us where she’s from, what the baby’s name is.” He sighs softly. “I couldn’t leave her out there.”

“Her mother deserves a service, a burial. We must give this little one a place to visit her mother.” You murmur, stroking her cheek. She’s gorgeous, her eyes watching you, and you try to not get too attached to her, knowing that Maria and Tommy will be handling the situation.

Ellie comes bursting into the house. “Got a bottle!” She yells, thundering down the hall to rush into the kitchen. “Tommy and Maria are coming too.” She pants, quickly handing the full bottle of milk to you. The baby is obviously hungry because the second that you brush the nipple against her mouth, she shakes her little head furiously as she tries to get it in her mouth, crying out before the nipple is in and immediately starting to suckle hungrily with great, greedy gulps.

“We will need more. Tommy and Maria have everything for a baby. We - they should take her.” You murmur, knowing it will be hard to hand the baby over but she isn’t yours and the leader needs to make a decision on her placement.

Joel takes one look at the way you hold this baby while she’s eating and knows that’s not what needs to happen. This baby is your chance to be a mother, to feel like a mother. It’s like it was fate for him to be out there and find her today, to bring her to you. “I think we should keep her.” Joel tells you, coming up and laying his hand on your shoulder. “Tommy and Maria have a lot on their plate with one baby already.”

Your eyes widen as you look at him then back at the baby. “We - us - are you - Joel.” You whisper, a soft smile on your face as you dare to hope that you can keep the little girl. It feels wrong. Her mother just died, but she can’t be left alone. She needs someone to look after her.

The front door opens. “Joel?” Tommy’s voice floats through the house and Joel keeps looking at you with the baby. “In the kitchen.” He calls out. The guards at the gates had kept his horse with the poor woman’s body and he had known Tommy and Maria would come to find out what the hell happened, but he wanted to get the baby here first. Footsteps quickly sound out, two sets of them like he expected and the baby is still greedily sucking away at the milk when his brother and sister in law come into the kitchen.

You look up as Maria walks in, her baby strapped to her chest, and she immediately comes over to see the baby in your arms. “Oh, she’s a sweet little thing. She needs fattening up. Poor girl, her mom was so close to our gates. She needs a mother. You should be her mother.” She says and you stare at her, “are you sure?” Maria smiles, stroking the head of her son. “She needs a mother and you are a more than capable applicant.” She gestures to the way you’re holding the baby. “I- I know this sounds insane but I feel like this is my purpose.” You murmur, looking down at her as she suckles.

Tommy smirks at Joel, who is obviously relieved by the decision. He’s talked to Tommy about the issues you’ve had trying to conceive and wished that there was some way for you to figure out what was wrong, but there just aren’t the medical resources here in Jackson. Joel had even been thinking about trying one of the universities, but couldn’t risk it again. “We both feel that way.”

You smile, cooing at the baby. “Did we find out what her name is?” You ask and Tommy nods, holding up a note that was in the mother’s satchel. “Her name is Hope.” Tommy reveals and you smile, “Hope.” You murmur, pulling the bottle away when she’s done. You shift her to your shoulder to burp her and you cradle her once she’s burped. “She’s our hope.” You declare as you look at Joel and he comes over to wrap his arm around you, looking down at the baby. “Our new daughter.” Joel murmurs, kissing your hair and he beckons Ellie over. “She’s kinda cute.” Ellie says and leans in to stare at the baby. “Hi Hope. I’m Ellie. Your big sister. I’ll teach you everything you need to know. Especially about our grumpy dad.” She jokes and Joel chuckles and rolls his eyes. “We will gather everything you’ll need and we will make sure her mother has a proper burial. For now, you guys settle in as a family.” Maria says, stepping back towards Tommy. “Oh and Happy Mother’s Day.” Maria says to you and you smile, “you too.” You may not be able to have a biological baby but you have Ellie and you have Hope. The two girls who have made you a mother.

[cod-dump]

For the teen!Ghost au, has there ever been a time where Price hasn’t come home? A mission gone badly and he gets injured? Maybe Nik has to handle the fort for a little while on his own because Price is trapped in the hospital?

(Also Roach is a precious bby)

———

John getting hurt bad enough he had to go straight to the hospital. He was unconscious or just unable to call home to tell Nik or the kids that he won’t be coming home that night. So Kate has to call, and she didn’t know enough to know that John would be fine after a minor surgery to correct whatever injury he obtained.

She calls Nik and tells him that John was in the hospital after a mission with south, and that she doesn’t know much about the situation or his condition. It was enough to make Nik’s blood run cold and him to be near hysterics. But Nik’s a professional and he was able to keep a mask up and keep the truth from the kids.

But they knew something was wrong. Dad wasn’t home when he was supposed to be, they hadn’t heard anything from him and Nik was being too quiet. The fact he wasn’t acting worried made them worry.

“Where’s Dad?”

“He’s held up at work. He’s not sure when he’ll be home.”

Nik never felt so much anxiety before, especially in the comfort of his own home. All it took was a phone call and now he felt so out of control. The hospital where John was hadn’t been disclosed with him, Kate hasn’t called and gave him any updates. For all he knew John was dead. And there wasn’t nothing he could do but stay home and care for the kids and animals.

There was nothing else he could do.

Simon and Kyle were not handling this well. Of course they knew something was wrong. They’ve always been anxious boys, and now their dad was missing. Farah was harder to read but Nik could tell this was affecting her as well. She was worried, scared. She was good at hiding how she felt, but he could see her fidget and watch her phone, waiting for a phone call from John.

They were all torn up about this, terrified of what the next call will bring. Nik couldn’t sleep for those two days of silence. He just laid in bed or just rested on the couch, hoping the front door would open and John would come in. He couldn’t speak on the subject with the kids, and he knew that made everything worse.

Kate finally stopped by when the boys were at school and Farah was at work. Nik had to do everything he could to keep himself calm when she walked up the driveway and to their door. He was expecting the worst, he was expecting having to tell the kids the worst thing he could imagine. Having to handle paperwork to become the boys’ legal guardian. Fuck- Pull strings to make it where they stayed with him if that wasn’t possible.

He was expecting the worst and it showed. And Kate blinked when she noticed the stress practically radiating off of him.

“God- He’s fine, Nik.”

Nik felt relief flood him, tears wanting to spill. Then he yelled.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!”

“Don’t you dare yell at me! This has been the most hellish week of my life! I’ve been having to clean up John’s mess and practically live at my office, not having a moment without someone calling me- Are you crying?”

He did start crying. And Kate had him sit down and coached him through what had to be his first panic attack in years. And once he was calm she was able to explain everything that had happened and where John had been. Both him and Kate had been practically isolated after their intel went sour.

John, having been the most hands on in it, was put through debriefings, meetings, and picked apart by his superiors the moment he came out of surgery. He wasn’t allowed to call anyone until SAS was sure he had nothing to do with everything going wrong at once.

“He’s coming home tonight. He asked me to check on you before I headed home.”

Nik felt stress and relief flow intertwined, his heart pulling every which way. John was coming home, and he wanted to strangle him for making him worry. He didn’t strangle him when he saw him get dropped off. Nik instead swung the front door open before he even made it onto the porch and grabbed him and pulled him into a fierce hug. John squawked when he was grabbed but didn’t fight him, just slumped against him, exhausted.

“Missed ya, too,” he had muttered against his shoulder. John could have easily fallen asleep right there, in Nik’s arms.

He wouldn’t get a chance to, however. Once Riley started barking, the house came alive and John wouldn’t know peace for the next few weeks. A small price to pay for the worry he had put his family through.

[railingsofsorrow]

death and all of its friends

[spencer reid x reader]

summary: you have an important witness admitted to Grey Sloan Hospital, but things get out of hand in the middle of your questioning. the unsub is on the loose and your team is still on their way. it's the worst that could happen, right? except that you end up stuck in an elevator with your ex. and that is worse. ( slight crossover between GA and CM ) 

pairing: s.reid x f!bau!reader; past!jackson avery x f!bau!reader 

w.c: 5.8K

warnings/content: heavy discussions about trauma regarding a mass shooting; PTSD; the word kill/murder is there a few times; kidnapping; break-ups; heartbreak; anxiety attack; hospitals; claustrophobia; mentions of surgery and blood and gunshot wound (not really graphic); minor character death (mentioned); there is so much drama in this you might call it unnecessary but I just had to unleash the devil in me; suggestive content (near the end); making out; long paragraphs in italics are flashbacks.

a/n: ok ok, like I promised (3000 years ago) here it is. enjoy it and please let me know if I forgot to tag anyone! 

navi

masterpost

cm masterlist

━━━━━━━━━ 

Five years ago you walked these same halls running from a mass shooter that entered Seattle Grace and caused havoc. Now, instead of Seattle Grace is Grey Sloan and apparently, not only the name of the hospital has changed. Amongst the Attendings, Residents and Interns there were all new faces, which only made sense since it's been five years and some of the people you knew had left and others died. 

Cristina Yang nicknamed the hospital Seattle Grace Mercy Death once and after all the stories you've been told by your ex-boyfriend's friends, it seemed fitting.  

You liked Cristina's dark humor. She was the funniest person you met in your time in Seattle. You were happy to hear she left to be a cardiothoracic surgeon in Switzerland, and she owned a hospital now, which was great.  

As you passed the cafeteria your head was flooded with memories of Lexi pulling you to have lunch with her after she finished a procedure, her excited rambles about every detail inside an OR — she wasn't Lexopedia for nothing — and the juicy gossip she provided you about the relationships inside this hospital (and her relationship with Mark Sloan). 

You might not have worked with these people but they felt like family once, the missing will always be there.  

Nostalgia had to be left aside for your job though, you had to find an important witness in a case involving the kidnapping of a six-year-old boy. He had been missing for three days, you were running against the clock at this point.  

“Miss Howard's room.” The nurse pointed you towards the room and you thanked her with a polite smile. “She's been sedated, so she may not be totally aware of her surroundings yet. She just got out of surgery.”  

“Alright, thank you.” 

Stab wound to the chest. An argument turned ugly in prison. You recalled Penelope telling you and the team that that was the reason she had been hospitalised. You observed the handcuffs locking her wrist against the bed before approaching.  

Your phone vibrated in your pocket and you grabbed it to see a text from JJ.  

Is she awake? 

Yes.  

You pressed send and looked up at wiped-out blue eyes staring back at you with annoyance. You could hear what she was about to say already.  

“I answered all of y'all's questions already, can you people never leave me alone?” 

“Miss Howard, I'm with the FBI,” you started, introducing your name and then, proceeding to the hard part.  

The crease between her brows told you she was unaware of why you were there. “You people locked me up three years ago what is there to do now? Checking up if I'm killing any more disgusting men who deserved it?” 

“Martha, it's about your son, Ben Howard.” The way she immediately froze made your heart clench. Why did it have to be you to give her the news? JJ is way better at doing this, you have no idea of comforting people so you'd rather just not do it. “He's been kidnapped by your husband, Thomas Howard.”  

“Ex-husband.” She tried sitting up with difficulty while being handcuffed to the bed. You helped her. “What— No. Ben visited me with my sister three days ago, he's fine. He wouldn't dare touch my boy.” 

Ten minutes later into your questioning, your back pocket started to vibrate and you pulled it out to see who it was. 

Spencer calling. . .  

“Everything you said is very helpful, Miss Howard, we're going to try everything we can to find Ben.” 

“Please do.” Her voice cracked and you saw the mask of indifference crumble a little. “He's— he's all I got.” 

You nodded, then excused yourself to answer the call outside of the room.  

“Hey, I was just about to update you guys—” 

“He's in Grey Sloan.” Spencer blurted out the first second you answered. “Thomas Howard is in Grey Sloan. Where are you?”  

“What— What about the kid? Did you find him?” You quickly informed the two police officers outside the room to not let anyone else in. “You don't mean he's inside Grey Sloan, right?” 

Hotch's voice rang through the line and you knew you were on speaker. “He's going after Martha. We found Ben, he was unarmed but Thomas's endgame is Martha. And yes, he's inside the hospital at this moment. Do you know where Martha is?” 

“I just talked to her,” you turned your neck to glimpse at her room again subconsciously. “There are two officers outside her room, I already told them. But Hotch—” 

“He's armed, wait for backup.” 

“We profiled him as a psychopath, Hotch. He's impulsive and has no remorse or guilt, you know what he's capable of, especially if he let the boy go.” 

“Kid, don't be reckless yourself. We're almost there—” Rossi tried to intervene. 

“We're almost there.” You heard Spencer's voice and that made you hesitate for a second before hanging up. “Please don't—” 

Your heart was thumping hard and rapidly against your ribcage, you could hear your heartbeat in your ears. As soon as you felt numbness in your fingers you clenched your hand into fists and let go, this was the way your body warned you you were about to have an anxiety attack. Thankfully, you were able to notice it before it got to the point where you passed out.  

Your name was called from afar and you halted, bumping into a nurse and mumbling a shaky sorry. The owner of the voice touched your elbow and you flinched, hand immediately searching for your gun. 

“Hey, whoa, it's me, Amelia. I didn't mean to scare you but when I saw it was you I just— it's been five years and you're here!” You withdrew your hand from the holster on your hip, inhaling and exhaling slowly to force your heart to calm the fuck down, you are not in imminent danger. 

“Amy,” you smiled and accepted the hug she was eager to give you. “Hi. How are you?” 

“I'm great, yeah. And you? For how long are you staying?” 

“I'm not. I, uh, I'm here on a case, with the FBI.” You cleared your throat. “Actually, I need your help with something.” 

Fifteen minutes later you had already warned most of the staff and Attendings in two floors to keep an eye out for Thomas Howard. You tried slowing your fast pulse by practicing the guided breathing you learned in therapy all those years ago. You did everything your therapist said, every single step from questioning your thoughts to counting everything blue you found in your way.  

You couldn't stop memories from revisiting your brain. 

━━━━━━━━━ 

You were waiting to have lunch with him.

It was almost one in the afternoon, Jackson was late because of a surgery that was taking longer than expected due to complications.  

It was your day off. One of the rare days you'd appear in Seattle Grace Mercy West before 6 p.m. when your classes at Washington University were over. You were a part of the Psychology department at WU, and a professor for the Undergraduate Program of B.S., Psychology.  

It wasn't usual for you to have a day off but given the amount of days you've been accumulating over the year, it was only fair.  

So you visited your boyfriend in the hospital, patiently waiting for his belated surgery to end so you could have your lunch date. That was until Lexi Gray pulled you into the hospital's cafeteria and you ended up having lunch with her.  

Lexi.  

You remember her terrified face when it happened. It had been a terrifying day, one that no one expected. It's funny how tragedies are never announced, isn't it? They just come barging in and you can't just ignore the door, tragedies do not need to knock.  

It was in that day, that you understood the gravity of that.  

Of course, it wasn't as nearly as bad for you as it was for those who worked at that place. They would have to come back every day and see the walls and that same floor which were smeared with their friends' blood.  

Jackson had lost two of his best friends. He spent two months having nightmares screaming their names during the night and getting mad at himself because you weren't able to sleep. That was the least of your concerns back then. You know something that would forever be etched into your brain was the barrel of a gun being pointed at you and the sound of the safety being taken off. You can't even recall the actual shot, only the pain that followed afterward and Jackson's horrified expression as he held your weak body on the floor.  

You thought you died. Jackson thought you died. Meredith, Lexi, Cristina and everyone else thought you died. In reality, you had just passed out from blood loss caused by a bullet wound to your chest area.  

That must have been terrifying to watch. You couldn't imagine being in his place, you probably would've been crying non-stop at the amount of blood, not saving his life, like he did to you.  

During the recovery process, you remember thinking about the absurdity of your dream of becoming an FBI Agent. If you weren't able to control your emotions on situations like that then what's even the point of anything? 

According to your therapist, what you suffered didn't determine the person you were, which, at first, you judged as complete bullshit. But you understood in later sessions what she meant by that.  

“Is it something you think you are not capable of doing?” 

You looked up from your hands, staring into the gray eyes of Isobel Houston. Jackson had made a compelling deal with you. He basically threw in your face that if he, who was threatened with a gun, was doing therapy, you, who had been shot and almost died in his arms, also had to talk about it.  

And here you were. 

“I'm not sure if I would know how.” You replied, brows twitching with your uncertainty. You were discussing about holding a gun and going out into the field, which was required in the training at the FBI Academy. You told her if you freaked out at the sight of blood then you shouldn't follow through with your decision to become an FBI Agent. 

“Well, that's what training is for, isn't it?” Isobel quirked a brow at you, earning a scoff. “You would learn certain abilities and improve the ones you already have in the academy. They wouldn't expect you to know everything.” 

“I'm not sure if I can.”  

Isobel nodded and wrote something down in the notepad you were planning to steal to see how she was making fun of you in there. 

“It is too soon still. But don't rule out your dream career quite yet. You are healing, it's a process that requires patience, both from you and from others around you. You don't have to think about that now. How about you take some time to yourself, focus on healing, getting better first?” 

A year later you would be forever thankful for those words. Because you didn't give up of your dream career, you made the decision to follow through with it and it worked.  

Partially, at least. 

“What do you mean you were accepted?” Jackson put his fork down as he chewed on his salad, tilting his head in confusion at you. “How can you be accepted somewhere if you didn't even apply to it?” The amusement in his tone instantly died as soon as he saw your serious face across from him. He connected the dots. “But you did apply... didn't you?” 

"Jack, I've always wanted this." 

He offers you a look of disbelief. 

"I know! But- You didn't even talk to me and-" 

"That's my decision." You cut him off.  

"Well, yes, but I'm your boyfriend. I think I deserved to know you were thinking about leaving for four months?" 

It caused a rift in your and Jackson's relationship. Back then, you didn't mind the fact that you were kind of doing things on your own, because your only goal was to leave and maybe, just maybe, forget what happened but the scar you had in your chest had to remind you of it. You never told him that, and you blamed him for not wanting you to leave for four months. Selfish; that was what you called him countless times after you broke up before you left. When, in reality, you had been the selfish one in the relationship.  

Truth be told, you wanted to forget that part of your life. Your completely foolish mistake and how wrong you were. Your healing had taken years and it still wasn't perfect, you weren't unflinching to the threat of an armed man. Right now, you wanted nothing more than to go back to Virginia and crawl into your blankets to feel some sort of safety.  

You had to bring safety to these people when you felt lost and cornered, how fun was that? You felt like such a failure. Years of experience and training going down the drain because of a stupid trauma.  

To add to that, you were currently stuck in an elevator. With a reckless man going after your witness. And your team was close to your location but not quite enough.  

Maybe they were already here since you had no reception and no way of knowing about their whereabouts.  

Maybe they already caught Thomas Howard and Hotch was thinking about his careful words as he fired you for your incompetency. 

“Why is it that when I find you you're always leaving?” 

Right. You got stuck in an elevator with your ex of all people. It was like everything you did not want to happen would materialize in front of you. 

“Jackson," you hissed, rubbing a hand across your face in pure frustration because of the useless phone in your hands. None of the messages were sent. Where were they? How was Martha? 

Hey, Spence. Where are you? 

I'm stuck in an elevator, fourth floor. I don't know what happened.  

You sent those fifteen minutes ago.

“It was just a comment,” Jackson said, shrugging in that infuriating way as if he knew he was right about something. You also knew Jackson Avery's way of deviating from his real problems was to seek anger. And usually, someone was the target. This time, it was you. "What are you doing here?" 

You looked down at your bulletproof vest and glanced up at him. Jackson's brows rose up to his hairline in understanding. God, he could be slow sometimes. 

"You're with the FBI." 

"I am the FBI." 

Jackson blinked, "right. Right. Uh, I- Sorry, I-" his apologetic wince made you relax your shoulders. "I'm sorry, I'm just... This is too familiar." Yeah, you could relate to that. 

"Jackson," your eyes softened but you tried to reassure him as much as you were able to. "This is not the same thing. His reasoning is completely different. What happened then- It won't happen again."  

His bright green eyes study you with a newfound curiosity but you could see some of the tension leave his body.  

"You sound sure." 

"I am," you said. "My team is close by and they're good. Besides, all of the local cops probably asked for backup already. And SWAT is right outside." 

He took a long minute staring you down to nod quietly. The silence that came afterward was uncomfortable. There was so much to say and nothing and the same time. This wasn't the time, but it was inevitable to not think about your last words to each other. You didn't hold a grudge against Jackson, you had no reason to, but he had plenty to do it and you wouldn't blame him. 

Fuck, why was this elevator so hot? Why were the walls so close to one another? 

"I saw you on TV once."  

You swallowed hard, feeling your throat closing up. Your attention drifted towards Jackson's whitecoat.  

"I didn't know being in the FBI made you famous." His attempt at joking had you scoffing despite your current state of mind. "I would've made a career exchange if I knew." 

"You were already rich, why do you need to be famous?" You mumbled with your eyes shut as you tried to calm your erratic breathing down. "Actually, you were already famous and rich, so anything you just said is..." your voice failed. "… complete bullshit." 

He said your name twice and you were obligated to open your eyes. He was much closer and concern tugged his lips downwards.  

"Put a hand on your chest and tell me what you can see." You stared at his lips moving slowly as your vision blurred slightly. He said your name more urgently this time. "Put a hand on your chest and tell me what you see." 

"Your stethoscope," you said as you stared at it, clearing your throat. "F-flyers," you croaked out, glancing briefly above his shoulders to the flyers splattered around. You couldn't see what they were about, but you knew they were there as they had been since the first time you stepped inside this elevator years ago. 

"What can you feel?" 

Your fingers drummed against your ribcage. Your breathing slowing down but not quite there yet. "My heartbeat. Mhm... The-my cold necklace." It was always two things. You thought about one and as you searched for another, you would calm down through the process.  

You could feel the warmth of his hands on your arms, helping grounding you back to earth.  

"Good. Two things you can hear." He was way relieved after your voice stopped shaking.  

"Your voice," you uttered, feeling your fingers moving and the sweat dripping down your back. The anxiety diminished little by little. When you were about to say the next thing you could hear, what you could only describe as two loud shots right outside the elevator doors made the both of you flinch and stare at the metal doors with widened eyes.  

You immediately got into action, thankfully prioritizing being numb over any other emotion at that moment, which was what you should have done from the start.  

"What are you doing?" Jackson asked you confusedly as you tried prying the doors open. "We might not be entirely on the floor-" 

"Help me open this, Jackson and I'll figure it out from there." 

Just then, your phone came back to life. Reception. At the same time, the doors opened without any human force. You didn't have time to see the caller ID before your gun was drawn in front of you and Jackson, ready to fire.  

"Hey, hey, it's me!" The voice you've been craving to hear for half an hour called out your name in front of you. Honey-brown, you thought, locking eyes with Spencer, I can see honey-brown eyes too. "I just got your text, I was looking for you- Hey." He breathed out in your ear as you threw your arms around his neck. His arms squeezed you in comfort. "Are you okay?" 

I am now. 

Your head bobbed up and down as you leaned back to get some distance. PDA wasn't your forte, but you had been triggered just a few minutes ago, and you needed some comfort from the only person who would effectively provide it to you.  

“They got him. He was hidden in one of the on-call rooms on the third floor.” Spencer filled you in before you could ask. He was assessing you thoroughly, looking for any strand of hair out of place, something that would tell him you had gotten hurt.  

You placed a hand on his chest, patting it gently. “I'm okay,” you tried reassuring him, eyes traveling through the room until you found some of your coworkers talking with the local police.  

“You should drink water.” Jackson's voice startled you a bit and Spencer looked behind you curiously. “And sit down.” 

And that comment immediately canceled out Spencer's certainty that you were okay. 

“Oh, I'm fine.”  

“Anxiety attack.” Jackson mouthed to Spencer out of your eyesight. He moved away to talk to some doctors while Spencer stared at his back, trying to pinpoint where exactly did he knew him from and why he was acting as if he knew you.  

But then it clicked.  

Jackson Avery. Harper Avery's grandson. Owner of a share of the Grey Sloan Memorial. Plastics surgeon. 

Right, of course. And your ex-boyfriend. 

“Is Martha okay?”  

Spencer looked down at you, blinking. “Uh-huh. Yeah, she's safe.”  

You gave him a look, “what?” 

“What?” His voice failed, which was a bit embarrassing, really.  

“Just spit it out, Spence.” 

So, he did. 

“Were you stuck in an elevator with Jackson Avery?”  

You almost choked up on your own saliva, earning a grimace from your boyfriend. Your concerned and caring boyfriend wasn't making that question because of pure jealousy, he genuinely wanted to know if you were okay after being stuck in an elevator with your ex-boyfriend in the same place you got shot by Gary Clark.  

“I'm sorry I wasn't here,” Spencer said with a sigh. “I should have come with you. I'm so sorry I wasn't here.” 

“Spencer, I'm fine,” you insisted, taking his hand on yours. Fuck it. “Hey, nothing happened in there.”  

He knows that but that's not what he meant. Not in that sense. 

“I'm not jealous.” He felt the need to clarify. He wasn't immune to jealousy but that was neither the right place nor moment for it. He just wanted to know if the reason for your anxiety attack was just being in a confined space or if the other person you were stuck with had something to do with it. “But you— Did he say something to you? To trigger it?” 

It took you a moment to get what he was saying, but once you did, you sighed and pulled him aside away from prying eyes.  

“No. I— It was the images. Memories. And the whole thing of being inside an elevator for more than one minute. He didn't do anything. He actually... helped me calm down.” 

Spencer brushed a strand of your hair behind your ear, “okay. Good. And do you feel better now?” 

A tender smile twitched the corner of your lips.  

“Yes, I do.”  

“Are you ready to go?” Hotch approached you and Spencer and you watched Emily, JJ, Derek and Rossi exit the hospital.  

“Yes.” But your eyes drifted to the side and you told both of them you'd meet them in the car. “I'll be right there. It won't take long.” 

Spencer kissed your temple on his way out.  

━━━━━━━━━ 

"Are you okay?" 

"Are you?"  

Both of you have been on opposite ends of the room for the past five minutes and none had the courage to break the deafening silence. It should have been you, though. You were the one to ask Jackson for a quick word.  

"Why wouldn't I be?" His brows furrowed as he stared at his hands. He seemed deep in thought. You wondered if he was thinking the same as you. It was a long time ago. It was a long time ago but it is somehow very fresh when he's standing in front of me.  

Because we never got closure. I didn't let that happen. 

"We never talked about it." You sat down in one of the bunk beds, knowing this wouldn't be as fast as both of you liked it to be. Years of a relationship couldn't be fixed in five minutes. You texted Spencer to let him know you'd meet all of them in the motel since the jet would only be available tomorrow anyway, and you didn't want anybody waiting for you.  

"We did."  

"Talking to our therapists is not the same as communicating to each other." You interjected. 

Jackson's gaze flashed with hurt and he looked away.  

“I couldn't stay," you said, biting your cheek because it was so hard to admit that out loud. 

He finally looked up, tilting his head to look at you. “You couldn't or you wouldn't?”  

You clenched your jaw, annoyance seeping through your demeanor. “I wouldn't. It was my dream, it had always been my dream to get into the FBI—into the BAU. I wouldn't give that up. And it's not fair for you to judge me when you know exactly how that feels. Yes, I could have stayed, but I didn't want to.” 

Jackson rolled his eyes, standing up to pace around the room. "Yeah, it was pretty clear you didn't want to stay." 

"Jackson-" 

“Look, I'm not judging. And yes, I do understand. I just think—" He halted and looked at you, green eyes burning into yours. "God, did you have to pack your bags without even talking to me? You made a life-changing decision and you just up and left.” 

Your breath hitched, and something in your chest churned painfully. Guilt, probably. Five years and you hadn't uttered the words he deserved once. 

"I'm sorry." You swallowed with difficulty. "Jackson, I- What I did was unfair and I'm so incredibly sorry for hurting you. You deserved more than that." 

"I've forgiven you a long time ago," Jackson confessed, uncrossing his arms and angling his body towards you. "It's been five years. Those words have been bottled up in my throat since the moment you walked out... but I don't hate you."  

You winced, "but you did hate me." 

Amusement travels through his face. "For a bit, yes."  

"Fair." 

"I'm sorry too."  

You gave him a sad smile. "You didn't leave me, Jackson." 

"No, but I said some pretty hurtful things to you. So, I'm sorry." 

"Mhm, okay." You nodded, shifting on your feet. “You're forgiven too, I guess.”

Jackson offered his hand for a handshake...? You glanced down at it, holding back a laugh because of how awkward he was being. You shook his hand, grinning with a shake of your head.  

Yeah, that could be closure.  

“I saw you on TV,” Jackson repeated what he said before but you weren't exactly alright to actually hear it. “Are you giving out autographs?” 

“I'm giving out this, does it work for you?” You flipped him off. A nurse passed by you and gave you an ugly look while Jackson just smirked.  

━━━━━━━━━ 

As soon as you walked through the doors of Grey Sloan Memorial, exiting the hospital, your eyes caught the back of a familiar lanky figure whose light brown curls waved wildly with the harsh wind of Seattle. 

When you got close enough, you heard an indignant edge to your boyfriend's tone. He was speaking on the phone. Your amusement grew when you realized was on the other line, pissing him off. 

“Yeah, you know what, Derek?” Spencer started but cut himself off upon seeing you arrive at his side. “You're back.” His annoyed tone switched to something softer.  

“What's he pissing you off about now?” You crossed your arms over your chest. “Tell him I'll slap his bald shiny head if he doesn't stop.” 

Spencer snorted, covering his mouth. You could hear Derek's telling you to fuck off through the phone before Spencer hung up the call.  

You accepted the urge to pull him close to you by wrapping both of your arms around his middle and lowering your head to his chest. His immediate response was to bury his face in the croak of your neck, the cold tip of his nose grazing your skin made you squirm a little.  

“I thought I told you not to wait for me.”  

Spencer rubbed your back, leaning back slightly to look down at you. 

“I wasn't gonna let you drive back on your own.” 

You chuckled, “are you telling me I'm a terrible driver? 

He hummed, lips quirking up when he kissed the tip of your nose. “You're not as terrible as me.” 

“I'm not sure if that can be classified as a compliment, angel. But you're right, nobody is a worse driver than you.” 

A pinch in your hip made you whine. He started laughing as you gave him a playful shove before getting in the car. Driver's seat. You had to prove a point.  

“How are you?” Spencer asked after a long minute of being silent and you knew he'd be dying to ask that. 

“I'm okay.” You told him, giving his thigh a soft squeeze as you concentrated on leaving the parking lot.  

“How did it feel?”  

You stopped at a red light. The motel was about fifteen minutes from the hospital by car, and you wouldn't go back home today, the jet was only going to be available tomorrow.  

“Suffocating.” You laughed after you admitted it out loud. That was how you felt. “Yeah, that's about it. The moment I stepped inside Grey Sloan I felt cornered.” 

“That's understandable.” Spencer caressed the back of your hand before you had to pull it back to move the car gear. “You haven't been there for five years. You may have seen, smelled, felt, or touched something that triggered you to go back to that very moment. Even though triggers are usually harmless, they cause your body to react as if you're in danger.” He explained, causing your mouth to quirk upwards in amusement. “Which was why I wanted to be there with you.” 

“Hey, that wasn't your fault. And I'm not a little girl anymore, I can get a grip on myself, Spence. We were doing our jobs.” 

From the corner of your eye, you were able to see him lean back on the seat with a roll of his eyes. 

“Well, yes, I know but I wanted to be there with you. You know just... be there.”  

You parked in the motel's parking lot, turning the car off. You inhaled heavily before turning to Spencer, leaning forward to kiss him on the lips. Your boyfriend hummed in satisfaction, pulling you closer by the back of your neck. 

“What was that for?” He blinked bleary, voice slightly dazed after your surprise kiss. Your insides turned to mush and fondness overtook your body.  

“I love you,” you said, thumb running across his cheek lovingly. “like... a lot.” 

His eyes sparkled at your statement and he started smiling like an idiot. An idiot head over heels for you. 

“Like a lot?” 

“Like a lot.” 

A harsh tap on your window made your body jerk and you hit your knee against the steering wheel, a loud curse slipping past your tongue. 

Spencer lowered the car window with a glare.  

“Alright, lovebirds. We're going out to the bar across the street to have a little fun. Are you coming or what?” Derek dipped his head as his eyes narrowed at the two of you. “Was I interrupting something?” 

“How are you so annoying—” 

“There is no scientific explanation for that, angel.” You pat Spencer's shoulder, who huffed while getting out of the car. He was immediately wrapped in a side hug by Derek as you locked your car and followed them both down the street, where the rest of your team waited.  

Emily snorted, nudging JJ with her arm. “Told you he was going to cockblock them.” 

“Emily,” Hotch said sternly, but his mouth betrayed him with a little smile.  

“C'mon, pretty boy.” Derek dragged Spencer to the bar as you followed them inside. “Let's drink the night away to make you forget about seeing your girl's ex, who has the greenest eyes I've ever seen—” 

Your lips parted in astonishment.  

“Hey!” JJ warned him. “Stop that. C'mon, leave him alone you've teased him enough with this.” 

Spencer looked at you, lips pulling into a smile at the scowl you were sending Derek as he walked away with JJ and Emily beside him.

“It's alright,” Spencer mumbled, nudging you to a corner as your team scattered around to find a table for eight. “He's just playing around and I'm not threatened by light-colored eyes, anyway. They're overrated.”  

You huffed out a laugh, surprised at his nonchalant claim.  

"Good." You were so close that your breaths mixed, his eyes falling to your lips and rising to your eyes again. You pulled him flush against your body by the belt loops of his pants, earning a shaky exhale from his parted soft lips. "Cause... You know," you pressed a kiss against his jaw. "There's nothing you should be threatened about. I'm pretty certain of that." 

"You are?" Spencer realized how pathetic he sounded and how needy he was starting to look.  

"I am, angel," you reaffirmed in his ear, leaning forward to kiss him. Before it got too heated, you smirked against his lips, pushing him away gently as he groaned in protest. "Okay, we can pick this up later tonight, now let's celebrate a bit with them, yeah?" 

Spencer sighed, burying his face into your neck for a second and drawing it back to glance at the table their friends chose. It was in a corner of the room, across from where they were currently... talking.  

"Okay."  

"Don't sound too excited." 

"Shut up," he grabbed one of your hands and pulled around his hip at the same time his arm lifted to wrap around your shoulders. "You know what I'm excited about-" he pretended to cough upon gaining a light slap on his back as a warning for him to shut up before any of your friends could hear the implication his words were carrying.  

As soon as you arrived at the table, Emily placed a shot before you, claiming you were late for the party. You smiled apologetically at the brunette, bringing the vodka shot to your lips and downing it in one go, gaze locked to your boyfriend's beside you. Oh, this was going to be a long night. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

taglist: @lvtilzs ; @inexplicableeee ; @fkapluto ; @nellxsies

[holly-the-trash-writer]

Guilt II

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spencer has to face up to what he has done. Will you be around to hear his apologies?

Part 1

Word Count: 2,866

(just realised pt1 and pt2 have the same word count tf?!)

A/n: Holy sh**!!!! I cannot believe how much this fic blew up! I am so so glad for all of your lovely comments so here is the long anticipated part 2. I hope you all enjoy it and I love every single one of you!!!

Spencer's leg bounced rhythmically as he sat in the waiting room with the others. Hunched over, fidgeting with his hands and trying his best to keep his breaths even to stave off another panic attack. His head was bowed so he didn’t have to look at anyone, too ashamed to take his eyes off the floor. 

You had crashed only a little while ago but it felt like an eternity to Spencer. 

The rest of the team was scattered around the room. 

J.J was sitting next to Emily, crying silent tears that she refused to wipe away. 

Emily was keeping her eye on Spencer just in case he snapped again and she had to step in. 

Morgan was standing by the window with Penelope in his arms, swaying gently from side to side.  

Penelope's makeup was a mess from crying and Morgan had a large bruise forming on his cheekbone. 

Hotch and Rossi were standing near the doorway in quiet conversation. 

This is when a sudden realisation had Spencer gasping as he reached into his pocket for his phone. 

“Reid?” Emily kept her voice soft. “You okay?” 

Spencer sniffled as he tapped on his phone, “I haven’t contacted her family. How did I not think of this before?” 

Emily sat forward and placed her hand on his knee, “Reid, it’s okay. J.J already called them, they know what’s going on and are trying to get here as soon as they can.” 

Spencer ran his fingers through his hair, “How did I forget that? How could I forget to tell them their daughter is in hospital?!” 

J.J could see the agitation quickly returning and shook her head, “Spence, you’re under tremendous stress right now. No one is going to be mad at you.” 

He scoffed but before he could retort a doctor walked in from around the corner. 

“Family of Y/n Y/L/n?” 

Spencer shot to his feet as the doctor walked in, “Is she okay?” He asked desperately as the rest of the team held their breath. 

“She’s stable.” 

The entire room let out the involuntary breath they were holding. 

Spencer felt a great weight lift off his chest, “What happened?” 

“Y/n had a cardiac arrest as a result of the stress the surgery must have put on the heart. We’ve put her on blood thinners and we will be monitoring her very closely.” 

“Can I see her?” 

The doctor nodded, “Of course.” Before she led him out of the waiting area and down the corridor to your room. 

When Spencer walked in he almost couldn’t believe it.  

You looked exactly the same. 

How could that be possible? 

You were lying in the same position. Your hair was a little out of place but apart from that you wouldn’t be able to tell that your heart had stopped and the doctors had to shock you just a little while ago. 

The chairs had been pushed out of the way for the doctors to get to you, so Spencer had to drag one back over to your bedside and sat down heavily. He took a deep breath and took your hand again. 

“You scared me. Y/n, you really scared me. I am so angry at how scared you made me too. Which doesn’t make sense does it? How can I be angry at you when you’re the one who almost- almost-.” His voice broke so he swallowed to try and get back under control again. 

A knock on the door made him turn around. 

Rossi was standing in the doorway with a bottle of water and a sandwich. 

“Thought you could use this.” He walked into the room and stopped by one of the chairs, “Mind if I join you?” 

Spencer shook his head so Rossi pulled up a chair beside Spencer before handing out the items to him. 

Spencer laid eyes on the sandwich in Rossi’s hand and his stomach churned in hunger, “Thank you.” He took the items from Rossi and took a sip from the water. 

Rossi never spoke, he only sat as a silent companion while Spencer devoured the sandwich and water.  

It wasn’t until after Spencer finished and threw the rubbish in the bin Rossi spoke up, “You want to talk about it?” 

Spencer leaned back in his chair, “How’s Morgan?” 

Rossi folded his hands in his lap, “He isn’t angry with you if that’s what you’re asking.” 

Spencer let out a deprecating laugh, “I punched him in the face.” 

Rossi gave him a stern look, “We all understand what grief can do to someone.” 

“He’s my best friend.” 

“Which is why he isn’t angry.” 

Spencer sighs as he stares back to you, “You know, I felt like there was two types of people in the world. Those that get over their grief and move on and then those who descend into an endless misery.” He turned to look at Rossi, “I always thought I was the first one.” 

“Until now?�� 

He nodded. 

“She’s not gone kid. Y/n’s a fighter.” 

Spencer smiled sadly, “I know but look at me. What would I be like if she was?” 

Rossi leant forward and placed his hand on Spencer’s knee, “She’s not and that’s what you need to focus on.” 

6 Days. 

17 hours. 

21 minutes. 

20 seconds. 21. 22. 23. 

Spencer blinked out of his sleep. 

He saw the familiar walls around him that were now filled with cards and flowers brought by her family and the team. 

Stretching out he moaned in pain, every single muscle hurt. These hospital chairs were not good for someone of average height, never mind someone over six foot. 

Looking around he found the source of what woke him up, Morgan was standing at the foot of your bed with two cups of coffee and a paper bag. 

Spencer hasn’t talked to him since his fist connected with his jaw almost a week ago. 

Morgan held out one of the cups and the bag, “A peace offering.” 

Spencer gave him a small smile as he reached out but Morgan pulled it out of his reach and raised an eyebrow at him, “Only if you don’t hit me again.” 

He couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled inside him, “Okay.” 

Morgan nodded and sat down beside him, “Any change?” 

Spencer sipped on his coffee, “She’s responding more. More eye movement. They’re going to try and wake her up later.” 

Morgan smiled supportively, “That’s great news, Spencer.” 

After a moment of silence Spencer opened his mouth, “Morgan I-” 

Morgan held up his hand, “You don’t need to say it, kid. I know.” 

Spencer sighed, “I shouldn’t have acted the way I did.” 

Figuring out that nothing else would cut through to Spencer he crossed his legs, “Did you know that around 1.5% of the population experiences anger with grief.” 

Getting the reaction he wanted he saw Spencer frown, “With what study?” 

Morgan shrugged, “Google.” and when Spencer scoffed, he leaned forward, “Look, it wasn’t right but you did it and I know why you did and I forgive you anyway. So, forget about it. You hit like a girl anyway.” 

At that the two bubbled into a fit of laughter. 

Once the laughter died down Spencer spoke up, “Morgan, can I ask you something?” 

“Yeah, kid. Anything.” 

Spencer took a deep breath, not really wanting to get into this conversation, “What did you hear?” 

Morgan raised an eyebrow, “What?” 

Spencer bit his lip, Morgan could see the nervousness bleeding out of him, “When I was on the phone to Maeve. What did you hear?” 

Morgan rubbed his head, “Spencer, that doesn’t matter right n-” 

“No, it... It matters to me.” 

Morgan shook his head, “I can’t remember exactly now, but you were talking to Maeve, wanting to meet up.” 

Spencer frowned, “That’s it?” 

Morgan shrugged, “It was enough for Y/n.” 

Spencer blinked at him, “Morgan, she’s a doctor. Of course, she wanted to meet me in person.” 

“Look, Y/n made me promise that if I ever heard anything I was to tell her. It sounded like something she needed to know.” 

Spencer couldn’t believe it. All of this over a simple meet up. He wasn’t angry though, he’s past anger, he just wants you to wake up. He coughed lightly, “I’m cutting ties with her anyway, I’m going to find a new doctor.” 

Morgan stood up and slapped him gently on the shoulder, “I think that’s for the best. Let me know if there’s any changes.” 

“Will do.” 

When Spencer was alone again with his own thoughts, he knew Morgan was right. This is for the best and all he cared about was that you were happy and he will do anything to make that happen. 

Anything. 

Speaking of doing anything, you would do anything right now to get out of whatever position you are in right now. Your arms and legs feel like pure led. You couldn’t move your head or even open your eyes. It feels like you’ve stayed in bed all day and not in the good way. 

Everything was so heavy. 

The only thing that made the feelings at all nice was the pleasant, warm, soothing weight that was on your right hand. 

You could move your eyes but not your eye lids to open them. So, all you could stare at was the weird darkness yet explosions of colour that you were well acquainted with. 

“When you wake up, I am going to do everything for you.” 

You frown, well, you try to frown. Who was speaking to you right now? 

“You’re not going to lift a finger for weeks. Any takeaway you desire, I’ll get it for you. I’ll even attempt to do a backflip.” 

Well that just sounds crazy. 

“We’ll go to that sushi restaurant that just opened that you’ve always wanted to try and I will get us those Broadway tickets too. I’ll even let you braid my hair.” 

Spencer! It’s definitely him. You pestered him for ages to go to that new restaurant and also to let you put his hair into a bun or some braids. 

“But we can only do that if you wake up, okay? So, you need to do that soon.” 

Wake up? But you are awake? 

You are awake? 

You are awake! 

Spencer! 

“Spencer...” 

Spencer’s eyes turned into dinner plates. You definitely just spoke. 

He jumped out of his seat and leaned over you, “Y/n? Sweetheart? Can you hear me?” 

His heart jumped when your eyebrows creased into a frown. 

You were waking up! 

“Y/n, open your eyes for me. Please.” 

It was slow at first, your eyes opening lazily and closing again. 

Spencer squeezed your hand and gasped when he felt you squeeze back, “That’s it. That’s it sweetheart, you’re doing so good.” 

He watched as you slowly opened your eyes, finally having enough strength to keep them open. 

Spencer felt a weight lift off of his chest that hasn’t left him in a week. Letting out a sigh of relief as tears formed in his eyes from seeing your own beautiful eyes again. 

“Hi.” you whispered. 

Spencer sniffled before smiling widely at you, “Hey there.” He let go of your hand and sat down on the bed beside you and raised both of his hands to gently cup your cheeks, stroking you with his thumbs, “I am so happy to see you.” 

Your heart swelled at the affection. It had been a long time since Spencer had been like this with you. 

“What- what happened?” your voice was croaky from not using it for so long. 

Spencer leaned over to grab a jug of water that the nurse had brought in that morning and quickly filled a plastic cup before holding it to your lips, “Small sips.” 

After you had done as he said he put the cup to the side, “You got shot in collarbone the field. You lost a lot of blood at the scene before we got you here but the surgery went well.” 

You nodded, “The UnSub?” 

“We got him, no one else got hurt.” 

“You’re in different clothes.” 

Spencer chuckled, “You’ve been out for a week.” 

“What?” you gasped before trying to get up. 

“No, no. Stay down.” Spencer gently pushed down against you until you were lying back down on the bed again, “We arrived and you went straight to surgery, couple hours after that you crashed again but they brought you back and now the doctor says you’re going to be fine.” 

It was a lot of information to take in at one time. It rendered you completely speechless. You looked down in shock and saw all of the wires in your arms. 

“Hey, look at me. Baby, look at me.” Spencer tried to keep your eyes on him so that you didn’t descend into a panic. “You’re okay.” 

You nodded as you tried to keep calm, choosing instead to focus on him, “How’re you?” 

Spencer frowned, “You just woke up from a coma and you’re asking me how I am?” 

You gave him your best serious face, which never works at all, to Spencer it looks more like a puppy trying to look cross. 

“Remember what I was like in the anthrax case and that was only a day. You’ve been waiting for seven.” 

Spencer’s stomach flipped. How could anyone ever think that there was a more perfect person for him than the woman lying right in front of him, “Better now.” he lifted your hand so he could kiss the back of it. “I mean that.” 

You frowned but before you could reply Spencer kept talking. 

“Y/n, I need to apologise to you. Our fight, which doesn’t even seem relevant anymore, I’m sorry it happened and I should’ve been more accepting of your feelings. I’m sorry that what Derek told you had you thinking about packing and going to stay with him. I’m sorry for making you feel like there could ever be any other woman in my life other than you. I am so thankful for the one I have and I love you so much. More than there are stars in the universe.” 

Tears filled your eyes at his declaration, “Oh, Spence.” You hadn’t mean to lose faith in him but when Derek came to you saying that Spencer and Maeve were thinking of meeting up you had thought the worst. You thought your fears of him leaving were coming true. That he had found someone smarter and more beautiful. 

Spencer sniffled as he lifted your left hand so you could see your engagement ring, “When I gave you this ring, I made a promise. To you and to myself. That come what may, the world will not stop me from marrying the most amazing and the most beautiful woman that was ever created.” 

You squeezed his hand and smiled at him, “You don’t have to apologise. I was just being paranoid and-” 

“No.” Spencer’s face had contorted into frustration, “No. Don’t you apologise for this. I did this to us and I’m going to do everything I can to fix it. Starting with cutting all contact with Maeve.” 

Your mouth dropped open, “What? But what about-” 

Spencer shook his head, “I can find a new geneticist, I'd never be able to find a new you.” 

A tear finally slipped from your eye before you quickly wiped it away and gently punched Spencer’s arm, “You know, for an awkward nerdy guy you really know how to pull at the heartstrings." You laughed through the tears. 

“Why are you crying?” he asked softly. 

You sniffled and smiled, “Because I love you.” 

Spencer feigned a frown, “And that makes you cry?” 

“Oh, shut up and kiss me.” 

Spencer chuckled before cupping your cheeks once again and leaning down to place his lips on yours. They were a little dry but Spencer was in no way complaining. He was kissing you again and you were kissing back. He shut his eyes tight, if this was a dream he was never, ever waking up again. 

Slowly pulling back he was so glad to see you weren’t a dream, you were awake and staring back at him. He placed his forehead against yours and whispered, “I love you too.” 

He kissed your forehead and when you tried to move you hissed in pain, “Okay, I think we’re going to have to get a real doctor in here now.” 

Spencer placed a hand over his heart and protested wholeheartedly, “I am a real doctor!” 

You raised your eyebrow at him. 

“I’m serious, I have a title and everything!” he pouted. 

“Mmhmm, yeah, sure.” You enjoyed toying with him, “Oh alright! Could you please get the M.D doctor please, three PhD Doctor Reid?” 

Spencer chuckled and booped your nose, “Anything for you.” As he got to the door he turned to you, “By the way, there’s something else you should know...” 

“What is it?” you asked apprehensively. 

“I may or may not have punched Derek in the face.” He rushed out before quickly sprinting out of the room, making it halfway down the hall before he heard, 

“Spencer Reid, you get back here!” 

God, he was so glad to have her back. 

Taglist:

I don't really post enough to warrent a taglist but so many of you requested!

@scallywag1299 @nyenye @13thdoctor-run @sebastiansstanswhore @glxwingrxse @jetblackwingsss @lagirl112 @ssa-uglywhore27 @stfu-rina @fuglyputa24 @cupidddd-d @somiaw

[cissyenthusiast010155]

Holding on For Me ~Rita Calhoun xFem Younger!Partner!GradStudent!Reader (feat. Rafael Barba)

Summary— Rita gets hurt badly and ends in the hospital. Her two closest people, you and Rafael, come running. But you’ve never met each other, and now your partner’s and his best friend’s life hangs in the balance…

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: angst, then fluff, heavily implied physical assault, hospitals, near death experiences, bruising, implied scarring, crying, hyperventilating, implied anxiety attacks, happy fully ending, etc.

Enjoy (;

You rubbed your temples with a sigh as you stared at her dull computer screen and flipped the pages of your extensive notes. You was violently pulled out of your doctoral thesis research by the sound of your cell phone ringing. Eager for a distraction, you swiftly picked up the phone.

“Hi this is is Y/N!”

“Hello Ma’am. I am calling from Mercy Hospital, I have you listed as an emergency contact for one Rita Calhoun?”

Your heart dropped. Rita? What had happened? Was she okay??

“What happened? Is she okay??”

“She was brought in about 30 minutes ago… She’s currently in surgery, pretty banged up. I am just making my rounds and contacting her emergency numbers in case.”

“Ok thank you so much, I’ll be there in 15 minutes” you hastily replied.

As soon as the call had ended, you jumped up from your chair, your heart racing and your mind spiraling. You scurried around her apartment, collecting things that you or Rita might possibly need at the hospital, throwing all the miscellaneous items into a bag before storming out of the apartment. You were swift to hail a cab once out on the city streets, eagerly giving the address of the hospital. Was Rita going to be okay? What if they lose her before you got to the hospital?

The words hospital and surgery made your stomache sink. Your hands felt like they were going numb, and your mind seemed to only be able to come up with the worst possible scenarios on what could have happened to Rita. You bit at her lip anxiously, and you closed her eyes for the rest of the cab drive, too overwhelmed to bear the stimulus of sight at the moment. Did this have to do with Rita’s job? Maybe an ex-client or someone who’d threatened her? What was the last thing she said to Rita…??

As soon as the cab stopped outside of the hospital, you paid the driver and rushed inside the bustling ER doorway. You immediately found a nurse and asked about Rita, who led you to the waiting room for trauma surgery, a separate, more secluded area of the hospital. The nurse had not been able to tell you much, besides the fact that Rita was still in surgery. So you anxiously paced the little waiting room, biting your fingernails and feeling like you wanted to cry. ‘Pretty banged up’, how badly was her partner hurt? Why were you the only one here??

Memories of you and Rita flooded your mind. You remembered when you two first met, it was only a couple years ago, but you had grown so close since. You thought of all the late nights that you two had spent together, laughing and drinking until both of you couldn't keep your eyes open anymore. You remembered how much Rita worked, just how passionate she was about her job. And now in a matter of 15 minutes that could all be ripped away from you? Rita taken from so swiftly, so cruelly?

You approached the nearest nurses station and asked about your partner again. As you were trying to pry any and all information out of this poor young nurse, a man stormed into the waiting area. You had the slightest sense that she knew him from somewhere, but as he was pacing the room furiously, muttering certain choice words in Spanish, you couldn’t quite place it. Then the man came up to the desk where you were standing and spoke. What if these were Rita’s last waking moments…? How could you live with yourself if Rita didn’t make it…?

“Hi. Do you have any information about Rita Calhoun and how she’s doing?” The man asked rushedly.

Now that he was right next to you and after revealing he knew Rita, it clicked for you. This was Rafael, Rita’s best friend from her college years. The two had never formally met, you had seen a picture or two of him in Rita’s apartment (from the many nights that you’d had dinner and stayed over) and you had only heard about Rafael when Rita elected to talk about him. You knew that while they were good friends, there were wounds in their personal pasts, so you never pushed to meet him. Had Rafael and Rita ended on good terms in the last time they talked? Did he know if this was work related…??

“You’re Rafael…” you managed to breathe out.

You were surprised that you had even been able to get out one word with the lump in your throat. Rafael turned from the counter to face you, giving you a quizzical and slightly defensive look. How could this have happened? It had been going all so well, and now with a simple call, life has turned upside down…

“Yes. And you are?”

“Y/N. Rita’s partner.”

Rafael’s brows raised and his eyes glistened with intrigue. He seemed to decide that you were alright, because he sent you a confirming nod, before going back to grilling the nurse for more information. Had Rita been threatened…? Attacked? Taken??

Trying desperately not to cry in front of him or the hospital staff, your knees suddenly began to feel weak. Before you could catch herself, your legs buckled and you collapsed on the cold, hard, hospital floor. Rafael was quick to turn back towards you, giving you his hands to help stabilize your overstimulated state. Your weak form managed to make it to one of the waiting room seats, where Rafael promptly sat next to you. It was then that you noticed how much your entire body was shaking. Rita couldn’t die… No, she couldn't die… It just… She couldn't it…

“I… I didn’t know Rita had a partner.” He stammered aloud, breaking the silence of the two of you sitting in the hospital, both equally nervous wrecks.

You shrugged in response, not having the wherewithal to respond to that at the moment. Silent tears finally began to stream down your face, as you started to let it all out. You curled forward, holding your head in your hands as you sobbed for what felt like hours. How would you ever be happy again? You would never move on. You couldn’t. Rita was your everything… You couldn’t face losing her…

“I don’t know what I’ll… d-do if… If Rita…” you stuttered, not able to finish your statement, as your voice returned to choked sobs.

You felt a soft and gentle touch on your back, making you uncurl and meet Rafael’s own reddened gaze.

“Rita is one of the strongest, hard ass people I know. Ever since school… I have never seen a fighter quite like her. If anyone will make it, it’s her.”

“Thanks” you croaked out.

Awkward silence took the room, the only sound being the hustling and bustling of the hospital. Rafael eventually removed his hand from your back, as it began to feel like he was overstepping. But the second you lost that touch, you seemed to only feel worse.

“Do you know w-what h-happened…? Or w-why…?” You stammered out in a whisper.

Rafael leaned forward, his forearms coming to his knees with a heavy sigh.

“I know that she’s been facing scrutiny and backlash for the last case she took. but besides that I don’t know…” he breathed out.

You pulled your knees up onto your chair, wrapping your hands around your body for some semblance of control and comfort, as you let out a shaky sigh.

“S-so it is work related…?”

“I don’t know, Y/N, I’m sorry… Truthfully, I hadn’t talked to her since she took that case, I was the lead prosecutor and we… we had a bit of a fallout over it…” Rafael gritted out.

His defensiveness seemed to have vanished, all that being left being the vulnerable, close friend of Rita’s. His knuckles were white from how hard he was squeezing his hands.

“Christ the last thing I probably did was yell at her to get out of my office…” he confessed, looking down to the ground with shame and guilt.

“I… I can’t even r-remember what the last thing I said to her was…” you choked out through violent sobs.

Rafael looked up at your wailing and his hand came out, caressing your shoulder lightly. He squeezed your trembling form reassuringly.

“I’m sure you told her how much you loved her…” he softly comforted you.

“I don’t know… I d-don’t know…” you changed in a whisper, starting to rock back and forth anxiously in the seat.

“Hey. Take some deep breaths… She’s going to be okay.”

Your glossy eyes met his reddened ones and you two just connected. All because of Rita. You were so grateful that she had found a friend like Rafael. And Rafael was grateful that she had someone like you to support her as a partner. Suddenly you were both drawn back to the crushing reality by a nurse coming up to you with a file in hand.

Rafael immediately stood and walked right up to her, demanding answers. You couldn’t get yourself to stand, so you merely looked up at the two standing adults with pleading eyes.

“Are you family?”

You both nodded vigorously.

“How is she? What happened?? Can we see her…??” Rafael demanded.

“EMT’s responded to a Good Samaritan call who found her in an alley… The ambulance brought her here to Mercy and she’s been in surgery ever since. It was a little touch and go, she has a concussion, multiple lacerations, a four broken ribs, scattered bruising, and a shattered left forearm…”

Your mouth went dry at the nurses words and you couldn’t think as tears began to stream down your face once more. Your lip trembled as you bit it, attempting to stifle your sobs.

“Can we see here??” Rafael immediately asked.

“Yes you may see her, she’s finally out, and she’s somewhat awake. I’ll take you to her, But take it slow, she has a long road to recovery…” the nurse said.

Rafael let out a sigh of relief and he quickly turned to you. Extending his arm, he helped you up and down the hall towards Rita’s private room. The nurse let you in, closing the door behind the two of you.

Rita looked peaceful for a moment, lying in the bed, but as she began to wake up, pain flooded across her face. Practically all of her exposed skin was bruised and battered, the biggest being her black eye. Her eye widened as much as she could widen them at the sight of you and Rafael.

“Holy fuck…” Rita winced in pain as we tried to sit up.

You immediately rushed next to her, sitting at the edge of the bed. The older brunette leaned back again, giving up the idea of sitting up properly for her moment, instead meekly attempting to reach out to you with her right hand, and you eagerly met her more than half-way, taking her hand and kissing it over and over again as tears of joy steamed down your cheeks.

“Rita Rita… God I’m so glad you’re okay… How are you feeling…?” you whispered, continuing your love and tender assault on her hand.

“Hi baby… I’m… in a whole lot of fucking pain, but I’ll live…” she breathed out in confession.

Rita smiled lightly back. But even that seemed to hurt her, as she winced lightly again. Rafael was standing at the end of the bed with his hands in his pockets as he watched the two of you. His eyes softeners watching your dynamic, he scolded himself for being so goddamn stubborn. Because if he hadn’t been, Rita might have introduced him to you…

“Oh Baby don’t move, stay still. Doctors orders you need to rest. Don’t want you getting more hurt…” you pleaded caringly and with much love.

“She’s a stubborn hardass. Doctor’s orders won’t stop her…” Rafael teasingly cooed, meeting Rita’s gaze.

Rita rolled her eyes at her closest friend.

“Shut up, you idiot… Now come over here and hug me.” Rita shot back with the same teasing tone.

Rafael chuckled, looked down to the ground as he made his way around to the opposing side of the bed, releasing his hands from his pockets, the man leaned over and gave his friend a proper embrace.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… I’m so glad you’re alive” Rafael whispered to Rita, before retracting slightly, but staying close and gazing at her caringly.

Rita wanted to cup his cheek and pull him close, tell Rafi that it was all good, but her drugs were at a heavy dosage and soon they began to pull her back into unconsciousness.

“It’s… okay Rafaellll…—” she mumbled before dozing off.

Your gaze then met Rafael’s, coming to an understanding that neither of you would be leaving anytime soon.

~~~

Rita Calhoun Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

[glompcat]

Following a heart attack during Memorial Day weekend (the weekend before last), my dad had a quadruple bypass on Tuesday. On Thursday my dad's heart stopped. He was fully conscious when it happened, and in fact only lost consciousness when his ICU nurse gave him drugs to knock him out and hopefully prevent him from remembering anything that was happening. He is hooked up to a respirator, so there was no oxygen lost to his brain during any of this. After 15 min. his heartbeat was stabilized and they took him to be examined, as the original thought was it could have been caused by either the cow valves or his new arteries not taking properly. A bad stitch was also proposed to us as a possible cause. None of those things were found, the surgery itself was a success.

Last night at 2:00 am my dad's heart stopped again. This time it took 12 minutes for him to be stabilized. Like the first time, he had come out of the sedation just the day before. He was fully conscious again as it happened, so the nurse gave him drugs to knock him out, and wow but I am hoping he really won't remember either of these incidents. I can not tell you how grateful I am that the state my parents live in has legistlation on the books mandating that ICU nurses never have more than two cases at a time.

Based on the second incident they are now saying it was probably down to an electrical misfire in his heart, and the EP (electrophysiologic) Cardiology team will be seeing him tomorrow to both figure out the exact cause and determine best next steps. As of now the options on the table as I understand them are further studies and/or numbing a faulty nerve and/or putting in a pacemaker and/or putting in an AICD device (implanted defibrillator).

My mother and I are currently trying to stay hopeful that the EP will be able to figure out what is going wrong with my dad's electrical impulses and fix whatever it is. All of that said, it is really hard to see him in the ICU day after day, especially since with the exception of Wednesday and late in the day yesterday he has been sedated and unconscious since the surgery. The toll this recovery is taking on my mother and I emotionally is far larger then I had expected it to before his surgery.

We are currently camped out in a hotel room near the hospital (Who opens a theme B&B across the street from a regional feeder hospital? You have a captive audience already, who don't want themeing at the expense of functionality. Based on conversations during breakfast EVERYONE is there because a smaller hospital sent a loved one to the place across the street when they determined the case was outside their capabilities) and talk of little else together. Spending every single day with her (during Pride! This is my Pride month!) freaking out about my dad's condition has been A LOT. A very banal example of what happens when you spend multiple days with your mother like this: yesterday she complained that I snore, and then followed that up by (in the literal exact tone she cooed at me as a baby) telling me that it is a "very cute" snore. This was even less amusing to me because my mother snores and her snore is just awful. This is of course to say nothing of us setting each other off when we are upset because we are on top of each other all day every day.

[vintagexherry]

New idea, probably a bad one (2)

IronMan!Nathan Bateman x Reader

// Panic attack, mention of dying, hospital stuff

A/N: this is just a flashback of things in Nathan's pov

Previously:

You can't help but feel fond about the moments the both of you went through to get this much progress.

You sighed once more and turned around to close the lights and head to the elevator.

The both of you procured old and new ideas together, even if their bad.

---

Nathan could still remember the pain of being stabbed, the look of hidden anger in Ava as that little shit™ stabs him right near to his heart, and finally, the feeling of how his almost ended with few breaths left.

He reopens his eyes to see flourescent lights above him, his ears pick up a steady beeping right by his side, and a nurse alerting a doctor, he is awake.

He still felt groggy from the experience. The nurses (a whole lotta them) tried giving him supplements and what not to fuel his body and speed up the regeneration.

His doctor had said that stab wound almost hit his heart, thankfully it didn't.

But sometimes, he wished it did. So he wouldn't have to face flashing cameras, nosy journalists, a barrage of questions as he exited the hospital after regenarating from his surgery.

a headache, really.

As he flies back to his house, he recalls his doctors recommending him to go see a therapy for any mental lasting effects and overall just rest until he heals up completely.

But Nathan Bateman doesn't do any of the shit.

He doesn't rest and count sheep.

Nor get pshycoanalyze by some random dude.

Instead, he finally lands and walks up to his beloved wine cellar and boots up his computer. He easily finds the location of Caleb phone and as he takes a sip straight from the bottle he sends a text.

"Where is she?"

He doesn't need to specify, Caleb's smart enough to know who's the mysterious number that texted him what's he mentioning about.

As he waits for a reply, he stands up and decides to check if there is a possibility that some police officers snoop their noses into some shit they shouldn't have.

He arrives at his workshop, and he lets out a breath of relief as he sees that nothing got touched. His mind then proceeds to think about Ava.

That

little

shit

Gave her a life, and he tried taking his?

As much as he tries to think on ways on how to kill her back, he ponders what the hell happened to her coding.

He walks back to this office to check if there was any reply.

'out there. Also, don't text me anymore.'

Hm.

Figures.

So she got programmed to live, almost killed her creator, and now is posing as a normal human in a society where she could learn even more than what Caleb could ever show her.

He groans in frustration and didn't waste time trying to detect where shes at.

But as he tries to hack into her code once again, the power went off and red light showed up.

fuck

fuck

fuck

Is she still here?

What the fuck.

He didn't register the wine bottle shattering as he tried to open the door, knowing full well that it barely does anything when power is off and his access card is useless.

Fuck.

Fuck!

Caleb said shes out there.

Why is the power motherfucking turning off?

Is she still somehow connected?

Fuck

Fuck

Why is his chest suddenly feeling heavy?

Before he could ponder even more, the lights came back again, and the computer started up once more.

But Nathan couldn't care less about that.

He didn't even realize his breath started picking up, and sweat built up.

fucking hell....

He sat by the floor, his back against his bed as he tries to regulate his breathing.

He could still hear his heart desperately pumping air for him, just to keep him going.

After a few moments, he breathed in and out.

in

out

in.....

out.....

He sat down right by his computer once again.

So Ava is out there parading as a human and possibly still be connected to his house system.

Is there any way he could at least get into her system without her metallic ass knowing?

....

Maybe...

Maybe, It doesn't need to be him going into her...

Maybe...

He opens his email and quickly sends a message to his CHRO and asking about a IT specialist working in his company.

This better work.

----

A/n: yes

i honestly dont know if this fic will go off but then again its been so long since i've written and this idea is indulgent for me.

[dracowars]

Healer Draco x reader - Draco and reader work together. Reader has the day off but something happens and is rushed to St Mungos. Draco is the healer working in the Er and sees you come in and rushes to help you. He has to perform surgery, he gets nervous but everything goes fine. Draco takes care of reader till they are better

patch me up | draco malfoy

pairing: healer!draco x healer!reader

word count: 1,0k

summary: where draco has to perform surgery on y/n

a/n: enjoy and feel free to give me feedback <3

warnings: angst, mentions of injuries, surgery, mentions of theft and assault, near death experience, cursing

universe: harry potter

“We need a healer over here quickly!”, one of the nurses frantically calls through the entrance area of the St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, which is why not only colleagues notice her, but also other patients who are still hoping for admission or who have already been admitted and just went for a little walk. Immediately, Draco’s attention is drawn to the incoming troop of nurses and healers, who are wheeling in a stretcher containing what appears to be a severe injured witch.

Draco, who was just busy explaining to an old woman what medication her husband needs to take soon, quickly apologizes himself, throwing the clipboard with the data on the counter of the reception, and storms after his colleagues to the operating room for emergencies. He catches up with them in no time, but can’t get a good look at the injury in the narrow corridors, so he has to be satisfied with the brief explanation of one of the other healers who brought the patient in.

“We got a call from a muggle-born wizard who found her in a side street. Apparently, she was robbed and then attacked with a knife. I can’t say for sure if important organs are affected because our priority was to bring her here first”, his colleague explains under extreme stress and for a moment Draco wonders what caused him to suddenly behave like this. The St. Mungo’s takes care of wizards and witches with all sorts of injuries every single day, from serious to minor injuries, and his colleagues have never been so hectic before. It is only when Draco sees who the victim of the horrific attack is that he understands.

And all of a sudden, his knees become very weak, and he too becomes extremely hectic.

“How could that happen?!”, he asks, shaken, trying not to show his absolute desperation while his heart beats painfully. The best healer St. Mungo’s has ever seen lies badly injured on a stretcher on the way to the operating room, unconscious and barely breathing, and there is nothing Draco can do about it.

Helplessness spreads through him until he realizes what he is actually doing here. Once they reach the surgery room, Draco, scared or not, slips into the role of the healer he usually is. One of the best, that is.

“I need a lot of space. Five nurses to me. Will someone cut her top, please?”, Draco commands everyone else who was just waiting for his words, putting on gloves. His heart is beating in his throat, but his hands are not shaking a single bit. Not even when he gets a better view of your wound and the extent of it now that your top is no longer blocking the view. It does not take him two seconds to decide what to do.

Normally, it is quite rare that injuries and illnesses caused by muggles need to be healed at St. Mungo’s. Missing bones, dragon attacks, petrification – Draco has dealt with all of these successfully. But a normal knife whose blade disappears into your abdomen? Happens less here.

Nevertheless, these circumstances do not stop Draco and after a few hours the surgery has been successful, and you are taken to a room for further observation. Draco releases a breath that he did not even realize he was holding in as he slips the gloves off his hands and throws them away. Thanking his colleagues, he announces his lunch break, but makes his way straight to your room.

When he gets there, the realization hits him: you have been attacked and robbed. One of those disgusting muggles left you for death in a back alley if it was not for a few good people in this world.

Taking another deep breath, Draco pulls a chair to the side to sit next to your bed and gives you and inquiring look. You heart rate has returned to normal, but the anesthetic is still doing its work. It should not take long before you wake up again and when that happens, Draco needs to be by your side, which is why he is more than glad to extend his break and skip his later break for it.

Not even half an hour later, you slowly start to stir awake and find your way back into the here and now. At first you have a hard time opening your eyes due to the glare of the overhead lights, but as soon as you succeed, you meet Draco’s concerned gaze.

“How are you?”, he immediately asks and moves his chair a little closer, putting his hand on the bed, close to your hand but not actually touching it. His question makes you chuckle humorlessly as you remember what happened.

“These assholes. They stole my purse!”, you state indignantly, wanting to riot with your entire body, but your injury makes it impossible. Pouting, you lean further back into the soft pillow.

“Is that seriously the only thing you can think about right now? Y/N, you nearly died!”, Draco explains, unable to understand how you can be worrying about your purse when he was so scared for you.

“I know, I know. Thank you”, you try to calm him down quickly, but your head keeps replaying how you tried to defend yourself from your attacker. “It just annoys me that I didn’t hit him better with my fist!”

“Y/N, do you even realize how dangerous that situation was?”, Draco asks blankly, not able to suppress a sigh at your words. The concern that is literally written all over his face makes you smile a little. The fact that he was afraid for you only shows you how important you are to him, even though you annoy and tease him at work every day. With a smile, you put your hand on his and look at him, his eyes lighting up as your eyes meet.

“I knew it was dangerous. But I also knew that I could count on you to patch me up again.”

“You are unbelievable.”

[jaestrz]

Trust - Jeonghan

Jeonghan x reader - medical!au - angst - fluff - (a bit of parents!au)

⚠️mention of panic attacks

-

Your heart was racing as you were stumbling in each step to Jeonghan’s office. Interns and nurses were asking if you were alright seeing the scared look on your face and you just replied with a nod.

The path to Jeonghan’s office felt like so far away. His name escaped your lips in every step you took forward. A few more movement until you would reach his room. A few more.

Finally your hand pushed through the door and no one was there. The seat was empty and Jeonghan wasn’t there.

You weren’t disappointed. You already knew he was probably walking around the hospital with your daughter.

The pain in your heart was hurting you. As if it was going to beat out of your rib cage. You dropped down to the floor, leaning against the wall while trying to calm yourself down.

Nothing helps. Where the fuck was he?

Jeonghan… Jeonghan… Jeonghan…

His name non stop repeating in your head. The fear grew bigger in your and you having a hard time trying to swallow the lump in your throat. The Hospital was cold, but you were sweating. Your lab coat were wrinkled from your tight grip on it. Everything felt like falling apart in your mind. You couldn’t even think properly.

You were inhaling and exhaling, desperate for air, the feeling lack of oxygen was killing yourself. One of your hand was hitting your chest with your eyes shut close from the unbearable pain.

Something was definitely wrong.

Jeonghan never left your mind. In fact, you were desperate for him, you wished he was here soon.

Tears were wetting your cheeks. Just when will he get here?

Maybe you had a full 15 minutes of being alone in his office while having a panic attack. Because Jeonghan walked in his office soon later with your daughter. Seeing your state made him realize something and gaze his attention towards his daughter.

“ how about you go to uncle Seungcheol for a while?” He flashed a smile at the 6 year old before letting go of her as she runs next door to Seungcheol’s office.

You felt him sitting in front and wrapping his arms around you, his face buried in your hair as you lean in his chest.

“It’s okay love, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere I swear.” He comforted, his lips touches your forehead as he planted a long kiss. “Breath baby, breath for me.”

Hot tears were streaming down your face, wetting his lab coat that he didn’t mind. “Hannie if I fail this surgery-“

“You won’t. I will promise you, you won’t. It’s a low chance but I can guarantee there’s a little hope in it. She’ll live baby. She definitely will.” He said rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb.

He pulled away, wiping your face gently. His blonde hair was covering his face. “It won’t be your fault if this fails. We’re not God baby. The patient is lucky, thousands of other surgeons weren’t as brave as you. You’re the only one who agreed to accept this surgery and I’m so proud. Remember that y/n. I wouldn’t let anyone cut open my body unless it’s you and same goes to that patient.” He caressed your face, a smile planted on his lips.

It pulled a string in his heart to see you breakdown like this. But yet he’s in front of you, staying strong so everything would be alright for you.

“how much do you trust me Jeonghan?”

“I trust you with my whole life, love.” There was a moment of silence before he pecked your lips against his. “how about we go get ice cream near the hospital with Eunji?” He was trying to cheer you up.

“We can do that.”

[felix-healthcare]

बदलती जीवनशैली और गलत खान-पान के कारण कम उम्र के लोगों को भी दिल का दौरा पड़ सकता है। दिल के दौरे के शुरुआती लक्षणों को पहचानना और तुरंत इलाज कराना बहुत महत्वपूर्ण है, और इससे किसी व्यक्ति की जान बचाई जा सकती है। हार्ट अटैक (Heart Attack Symptoms in hindi) को मेडिकल भाषा में अनेक नामों से जाना जाता है, जैसे: मायोकार्डियल इन्फेक्शन (Myocardial infarction), कार्डियक अरेस्ट (cardiac arrest) या एनजाइना (Angina)।

एक्सपर्ट सुझाव के लिए कॉल करें +91 9667064100.

यह एक इमर्जेंसी कंडीशन है जो किसी भी इंसान की जान ले सकती है। अचानक से हार्ट अटैक की स्थिति तभी बनती है जब ह्रदय की माँसपेशियों (Heart muscles) में खून का बहाव कम हो जाता है, और हार्ट को पर्याप्त मात्रा में खून न मिलने के कारण हार्ट को नुकसान पहुँचता है, और कभी ऐसी स्थिति बन जाती है जिसमें हार्ट को खून की सप्लाई न मिले, तो हार्ट अटैक हो सकता है, जिसके कारण इंसान की जान जा सकती है।

[sugunahospital1]

Cardiologist near me | Best heart hospital in Bangalore

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heart specialist in Bangalore

[sacredwarrior88]

The Best (Spencer Reid x OC)

Summary: Six months after Zafina and Spencer broke things off, the two are very miserable without each other but are too stubborn to admit it and talk to each other. When Zafina ends up hospitalized due to a heart attack, Spencer goes to see her and after a deep conversation, she decides to open her heart again and gives him a chance. This results in Zafina experiencing the best love of her life and she finally gets the happiness she deserves.

Warnings: Heart attack, mention of sex (18+ only)

Tagging: @reidsbtch @reiderwriter

I call you when I need you, my heart’s on fire You come to me, come to me wild and wild When you come to me Give me everything I need

Six months had passed since Zafina broke things off with Spencer and although she tried her best to hide it, she was completely miserable without him and he without her. It didn’t take a profiler to see that they desperately missed and needed each other but they were too stubborn to admit it and were avoiding each other instead. It was a good thing that Zafina wasn’t an FBI agent or else going through this withdrawal would be impossible. Zafina viewed it as such because when she was with Spencer, it was like she couldn’t resist him. He was like a drug and she was a user. She wanted to have him. She needed to have him. Whenever, wherever, however.

Zafina hadn’t even entertained the thought of another man being in her life since Spencer. How could she? No one would be able to please her like he could! She tried masturbating and fantasizing about Spencer but it didn’t do a damn thing to quell her urges! Not even using her secret collection of toys worked! A sexually frustrated Zafina is a very cranky Zafina and she often isolated herself from others so she wouldn’t snap at people and go off on them. At this rate, her upcoming retirement from the military was gonna be full of nothing but misery and insanity!

Unbeknownst to Zafina, Spencer felt the same way and was definitely acting strange too. He was becoming more aggressive and moody which worried the others and it wasn’t until he was confronted by Derek that he admitted it was because of Zafina. Spencer was frustrated with himself for falling in love with someone who didn’t return his feelings and as hard as he tried to move on and forget about her, he just couldn’t and it frustrated him to no end! Zafina was quite difficult to profile because of her icy and closed-off nature so Spencer couldn’t even see that she was lying all along. The thought of moving on made Spencer sick to his stomach so that wasn’t an option! 

Little did Zafina and Spencer know, they would reunite much sooner than they thought!

One of the things Zafina did to cope with the loss of Spencer was throw herself into her work and it was starting to take its toll on her body. She was getting older and although she took great care of herself and looked gorgeous for her age, that didn’t mean her body was in peak physical condition like it once was.

While she was at work in her office, Zafina suddenly felt severe chest pains and a sense of dread washed over her. She was also becoming short of breath and she knew she was running out of time before she passed out. Zafina managed to rush out into the hallway and mutter the words “Help me” before fainting.

Zafina’s kids were the first ones to arrive at the hospital and the oldest of the four whose name was Wayne decided to contact Will who told JJ which lead to the whole team finding out. Spencer immediately rushed to see Zafina, fearing the worst and the team followed suit.

Zafina had suffered a massive heart attack due to blocked arteries near her heart and needed bypass surgery. She was going to be in the hospital for quite some time and Spencer planned on seeing her every chance he got!

After the surgery was over and Zafina had stabilized, Spencer went in to see her after her kids had left and the others decided to give them some space. God knows they needed it!

“Spencer? You came? Why?”

“You know why. And don’t lie. It’s unnecessary.”

Zafina sighed and looked down at her lap. She was so afraid that she was gonna die and when she was unconscious, all she could think about was Spencer and what she was starting to miss out on. Zafina was missing out on true love and her chance at happiness. She couldn’t run anymore. Fuck it.

“You’re right. You’re right Spencer. I lied. I lied about everything. I do love you. I love you so fucking much that it terrifies me. You already know my history so don’t be surprised about me being scared. You’re a fool for loving a coward like me.”

Spencer gently grabbed Zafina’s chin and made her look at him. She was doing the one thing that she hadn’t done in years: crying. Showing vulnerability around people was very difficult for Zafina but Spencer was a special case. No matter how hard Zafina tried, she just couldn’t maintain her fortress around him. He was her biggest weakness.

“You’re not a coward Zafina. It’s ok to be scared especially after what you’ve been through. But I’m miserable without you and I can tell it’s the same for you. I’d rather be a fool for loving you than live in ignorant bliss pretending like I don’t. I need you Zafina or I’m gonna lose my mind.”

Not saying a word, Zafina grabbed Spencer’s shirt and started kissing him as if her life depended on it. If she wasn’t in the hospital right now, she’d be fucking his brains out! Desperately needing air, Zafina gently pushed Spencer away and looked him dead in the eye with the most serious look she could muster.

“Don’t fucking disappoint me Spencer. If you break my heart, I’ll break your fucking neck along with every bone in your body. You understand?”

“You do realize that murdering a federal agent is punishable by death or life imprisonment? Also it takes about 4,000 newtons of force to break a femur alone so you would have to use an impossible amount of force to break all of my bones. And–”

Zafina shut Spencer up by kissing him again, not in the mood for hearing his rambling. All she wanted was his company and his kisses! Thankfully he got the hint and just smiled at her while kissing her hand. Despite her earlier threats, Zafina had a feeling that Spencer would never hurt her and that he was the one although she would never say it out loud. She didn’t believe in the concept of soulmates but Spencer was changing all of that for her and he was giving her the love that she thought she would never get! Where would she be without him?

Give me a lifetime of promises and a world of dreams Speak a language of love like you know what it means Mmmm, and it can’t be wrong Take my heart and make it strong baby

Two years have passed since Zafina’s heart attack and so much has changed in her life! Although she was up for a promotion, she decided to retire and leave the military instead so she could focus on her newfound relationship with Spencer and start relaxing like she needed to. Although her huge pension and many other benefits guaranteed that she wouldn’t have to work another day in her life, Zafina wasn’t one to just sit around doing nothing and she didn’t want to just live off of Spencer’s income either. 

Six months after her retirement began, Zafina decided to go back to work and became a professor which fit her perfectly since she enjoyed teaching others and had great leadership qualities thanks to her military experience. It didn’t take long for her to become quite popular at the university and despite her toughness and blunt attitude, the students loved her because she didn’t beat around the bush and she told things as they were with no filter which made her lectures and lessons easy to understand. Zafina was hard but fair with her students and she was understanding when it came to personal issues but wasn’t gonna coddle them either. 

Zafina asked Spencer to move in with her another six months later and their relationship improved quite significantly from there. They loved coming home to each other and always did things together as a couple and with Zafina’s kids who adored Spencer and although they were now all grown and out of the house, that didn’t stop them from calling frequently and visiting whenever they got a chance which would sometimes lead to rather comedic moments since Zafina and Spencer’s sex life hadn’t slowed down a bit and it was still as amazing as ever!

Fast forward to the present. It was now December 25th. Christmas Day and Zafina’s birthday. She and Spencer were enjoying their time indoors and they were in the process of exchanging gifts. Zafina had gotten Spencer some high-quality coffee beans of various flavors as well as various Star Trek merch that he had been wanting all year. He loved both gifts very much and expressed it as such. When the time came for her gifts, Zafina raised an eyebrow as Spencer gave her both a large box and a small box. He told her to open the large box and the look on Zafina’s face made Spencer laugh when she opened it. 

Inside the large box was a gorgeous red dress with matching heels and even a purse. It looked like it was made by a designer! 

“Spencer, how much did you pay for this? This is gorgeous!”

“Don’t worry about it. I can afford it. You said you needed a new dress so I bought one for you. I want you to wear it on our next date. The small box is the true gift I planned to give you this year.”

Zafina instantly opened it and gasped at what she saw. A diamond ring that she had only dreamed of wearing on her finger one day. Was this what she thought it was?!

“Zafina. I know I should’ve discussed this with you earlier but I didn’t want to ruin the surprise. These last two years with you have been the best years of my life. You’ve taught me more than anyone else ever has and my life has gotten so much better with you in it. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Zafina Cartwright, will you marry me?” 

Tears started to roll down Zafina’s cheeks as she struggled to catch her breath. She couldn’t believe this was happening! She never imagined she would get married again but here she was, being proposed to on her birthday of all days!

“Yes Spencer Reid! Fuck yeah I’ll marry you!”

Zafina pounced on Spencer, knocking him to the floor and covering his face with kisses. He returned the kisses in kind and laughed as he felt her hug him tighter than she had ever hugged him before. She started to kiss and lick his neck which made him moan softly due to his growing boner. Zafina’s eyes widened for a brief moment before she gave him a sultry look. Her hands instantly wandered down to his pants and she was about to remove them until he stopped her.

“Wait. I want to try something new,” Spencer gasped and at this point, his dick was straining to be released and Zafina was starting to drool. Unlike her ex-husband, Zafina didn’t have a problem trying out new things with Spencer and she was able to communicate her boundaries with him and actually be listened to which just made her want him more!

“What is it beloved? Name it and make it quick. I’m fucking horny right now!”

“I want you to sit on my face.”

Cue record scratching and Zafina looking at Spencer in a mix of shock and concern. Although she was still in good shape and her body got many compliments from others, she definitely put on some weight since retiring from the military and she was feeling a bit self-conscious about it.

“Spencer, don't you think I’m a little too heavy for that? I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Nonsense Zafina. Your body is just right and I’m much stronger than I look. Come sit on your throne my Queen. Don’t keep me waiting.”

Zafina gave Spencer a deep, passionate kiss and from then on, that Christmas night was filled with unbridled lust, passion, and love which included heights of pleasure that neither of them had ever experienced before. Completely covered in sweat and panting hard, Zafina laid down next to Spencer and gave him a tired but happy smile.

“You’re the fucking best Spencer. I love you so much.”

You’re simply the best Better than all the rest Better than anyone Anyone I’ve ever met

[komotionlessqueenmm]

Okay so....

This was a post I probably should have made a few days ago...

But we're here now...

So let me explain a few things that are happening right now in my personal life, things no one on this site knows.

❌Dark topics ahead, readers discretion is advised.❌

Firstly I should "introduce" you two the individuals I'm going to be talking about.

The first being my mothers mother, who we'll call K, and the woman I currently live with.

Then we have my father's mother, who we'll call T.

My grandmother's, my biological grandmother's.

Well a little over a year ago (maybe a year and a half or so, I'm terrible with time, it always escapes me.) they were both diagnosed with lung cancer within a few months of eachother.

K being the first to receive her diagnosis.

They both seemed to be doing pretty good for a while, they'd done radiation, and immuneotherapy, surgery was never an option for either of them.

K's cancer even went into remission near the end of fall in 2022 or so. Even after she refused more treatment, as she felt more miserable doing it, and she'd come to terms with it.

Then in January of 2022 K's husband. Who we'll call R, and the man I had grown up calling my grandfather, despite him not being my biological grandfather. Suddenly died of a heart attack, right in front of K, who while in the hospital had to witness first hand as they tried to resuscitate him.

It was two days before her birthday, and after they called it, my father called me to tell me the news, I was at work when it happened.

They made his funeral plans on K's birthday.

Despite having Covid and Strep throat, I attended his funeral anyways, sitting in a far back corner away from everyone so as to not get anyone sick.

Things were strange for a long time, and hard on everyone, but we took it one day at a time.

And for a while things were going good, well considering.

Up until about two weeks ago... K's cancer is no longer in remission, and it's spreading into her throat.

She's doing radiation again, but it's really only delaying the inevitable, as horrible as it is to say.

And T... Well yesterday the doctors informed the family that she only has a few days left...

And my family is afraid that when T passes, her husband B, will just completely give up on life, and do something drastic.

He's been with her since he was 19, he doesn't know how to be on his own... And he's known for making terrible choices when he's distraught.

Christ it's such a fucked situation...

I'm crying as I write this...

For the past two years I have had to watch as my grandmother's are dying, and at least one of my grandfather dies.

These passed two years have been some of the hardest years I've been through so far in life.

And I'm not writing it because I want sympathy, or pity or anything like that. That's why I've not talked about it until now. I'm writing this because I need to get it off my chest.

And I wanted you all to know why I suddenly go AFK for days at a time.

I know you guys will understand, and I know you'll give me the time I need, but I just needed you all to know.

Cherish your loved ones, as cheesy as it sounds, because you never know when you've said your last goodbye.

I love you all, and I appreciate you all more than you'll ever realize.

And I'm so sorry to just drop this emotional bomb on you all.

Sometimes life is just to fucking real... And god it hurts so much...

----

@l0vel3ss-l1nds3y @dearest-painter

(I wanted to tag you both in case you guys would miss it on your dash. And I really thought you both ought to know as well.)

[channelworldbluez]

Omfg Surgery is scheduled in two weeks omg it’s happening jeez guys HELP’

Even though this surgery is very much needed, and it’ll hopefully bring me the peace that I’ve haven’t seen since 2020, my quality of life is fucked I’m depressed because of going through it and I’m in pain everyday….

IM STILL SO FUCKING NERVOUS!! I hope they give my ass an ambien or some shit hours before because imma faint. They won’t even need the anesthesia my nervous ass just gonna be laid out on the floor lmfao.

Also it doesn’t help I’ve been going through the “complications rabbit hole.” Curse this Reddit app and scrolling through hours of posts which I mean for the record are generally positive. I just focus on the “bad” ones. Trying to prepare for what ifs but if I’m being honest I can’t predict the future all I can do is Pray and get it over it. Because the option is don’t get surgery and risk dying from a heart attack or stroke or get surgery and be okay with (fixable) complications.

And I’m saying this after I’ve (yet again) was hospitalized this past weekend. My SECOND hospital visit this fucking YEAR. Not to mention last year I damn near was living at the hospital. I just want an end to this shit and hopefully everything goes well and my body heals and I can be comfortable in my body again.