#Hm at least this part is not as depressing as some others

[dairine-bonnet]

WIP Wednesday

Thank you @marythegizka for the tag!

Tagging @for-the-love-of-starwars , @yaninab and everyone else who feels like taking part in it!

It's not Wednesday today... but is it that important?:)

There is part of possible revalek kotor fic again... Six sentences sharp!

Probably, next time i should something more positive and with dialogues!:D

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In moments of melancholy and despair the Temple, as well as Coruscant, seems to him an inanimate creature that survives due to feeding on the constant flow of Force receiving from jedi...

... And it is strikingly different from Dantooine, which Malak sees only occasionally and for educational reasons only! With Revan every once in a while. When she presses her shoulder against his and laughs unusually easily and freely on one of the countless hills, throwing her head back and not taking her eyes off the inky sky scattered thick with myriads of stars, the endless expanses around them, above them, and the intoxicating feeling of freedom take his breath away. At this moment, he is ready to love the whole world that has belonged to Revan since childhood. Malak does not have to pretend he admires this world.

[jichanxo]

(late) sunday six

thanks for the tag @passthroughtime and @overdevelopedglasses! not gonna tag anybody because i'm late to the party as is :P i've mentioned sensei au/fic a lot in passing but i think this is the first time i'm actually talking about it properly in a text post as opposed to like, tags on my art... anyway, it goes without saying that this has lost judgment spoilers. part of the premise for this fic is that kitakata never becomes kuwana because he only barely manages to fix everything at the last possible moment. mitsuru lives, but only because he gets lucky. something like that. the main fic takes place long after this, but i recently had a go at trying to write mitsuru and kitakata on the roof together, since it's obviously integral to kitakata's character even if mitsuru doesn't fall into a coma. i'm still feeling it out, but it's been an interesting one. very different from what i'm used to. but also cathartic in some ways.

anyway here's an excerpt. putting another warning here for lost judgment spoilers and mentions of suicide.

Kusumoto looked away, sat up. He didn’t really seem to care that Kitakata was there, aside from the knowledge that he couldn’t do anything rash with him here, which he resented.

He wiped at his chin, his eyes, but the movements were clumsy, and he couldn’t clean himself off properly. His hair was still a mess, though he’d tried to make it presentable again. Kitakata suddenly wished he had a handkerchief in his pocket instead of a packet of cigarettes.

“I’m not going to kill myself, Sensei. You can leave if you want.”

He wanted to relieve Kitakata of any responsibility to be here. He thought Kitakata was only doing any of this to cover his own ass.

Kitakata hadn’t given him any reason to believe otherwise.

“Oh, well.” He fished for the first excuse that came to mind. “Haven’t had my smoke yet.”

He pulled one out, took his time lighting it. It’d buy him some time. It didn’t matter what Kusumoto thought of him, and he wouldn’t delude himself to expect that he might think that Kitakata was here because he wanted to be. It wasn’t entirely untrue, after all, that he was just trying to cover his ass. He’d made a mistake, and he was desperate to fix it.

He took a drag. Exhaled. Looked to Kusumoto.

“Do you mean it?” He asked.

“Mean what?” Kusumoto mumbled.

“When you said you weren’t going to kill yourself.”

[moonstruckme]

Glad your back love! I have a request if that’s alright. Remus and reader going on a bookstore date and lunch or something!! That would be so cute. Imagine how excited both of them would be picking out books and being affectionate. Just a lot of fluff and cuteness. Thanks sweetness hope you enjoyed your break!

Thanks for requesting sweetness!

Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 1k words

You’re feeling a bit guilty about the teas you’ve snuck in, but if there are two people who can be trusted around books, it’s you and Remus. He takes a careful sip as he leans in to skim the titles, sticking one hand in the pocket of his pants. 

“Island of Love,” he reads, amusement lilting his tone. “Original.” 

“I think I’ve actually read some of that author’s stuff,” you say. 

Remus quirks a brow at you interestedly, hand coming out of his pocket to pull the novel from the shelf. “Let’s see, a summer wedding, the groom’s brother and bride’s maid of honor hate each other, but—oh, he’s frustratingly attractive…and something about passionate summer heat.” The corner of his mouth twitches. “Wonder what that could be alluding to.” 

“Alright.” You steal the book from him, slotting back into its space. “I never said this stuff was, like, literature to be studied at Oxford. If you’re going to disrespect my section, run along to yours.” 

“Fairly sure it’s considered rude to abandon your date,” he muses. “What’s my section, by the way?”

“Depressing stuff.” 

“Oh?” 

“Mhm.” You take a sip of your own tea, trying not to fluster under his attention. You scan the shelves idly for a distraction. “It’s all rather doom and gloom. Very well-written doom and gloom, to be fair, but I’m not always looking to have my life changed. This stuff is fun, at least.” 

“I see,” he hums. “Oh, this looks familiar.” 

You turn to see him holding up the shiny new version of the worn and waterstained paperback that rests perpetually on your nightstand at home. 

“How do you know about that?” you ask him. 

Remus smiles. Your heart flutters. “It was on the coffee table when I was over last week. Are you rereading it?” 

“Yeah.” You shrug, turning your eyes away from him. “I reread it a lot, it’s my favorite.” 

“Mm, I noticed it looked fairly battered.” 

“Well-loved,” you correct him. 

He chuckles quietly, and you grin because you can’t help it. “Right, so sorry. My mistake.” 

You brush a piece of hair out of your face, slotting it behind your ear. Watch Remus’ eyes track the movement. “So what’s your battered book?” 

“Hm?” 

“Your favorite,” you clarify. “The book that’s all war torn and full of nonsensical annotations.”

He thinks for a minute. “I’m not sure,” he admits. “I have a few I go back and forth between, but lately it’s been The Secret History.” 

You have to cover your mouth with a hand to hide the full breadth of your smile, and Remus narrows his eyes at you. 

“What?” he asks.

“That book is so depressing.” You shake your head, delighted at being so right. “I mean, it’s beautifully written,” you amend. “Really gorgeous. I’m just not sure I found the plot as compelling as the prose.” 

His mouth actually drops open. You can’t tell how much of the shock is teasing and how much is real. “You thought that book had no plot?” 

“No, I mean, plenty happened.” You turn to face him, forgetting about the books around you for a moment to focus on this one. “But I felt like it happened so slowly, and there was so much in between that was just tons of description. It was like they almost skimmed over the murder part! There were so many plotlines that were brought in and then just disappeared, though I guess I can respect the ways in which it reflected real life.”

You think for a second that Remus might argue with you (he should, really—it’s his favorite book and you’re slandering it), but he keeps his mouth shut, watching you interestedly. 

“And don’t you think Richard was a bit passive? Henry and Bunny had so much going on, but the narrator could have literally been a fly on the wall the whole time. He kind of reminds me of Nick Carroway, you know?” 

“From the Great Gastby?” He tilts his head, eyes squinting a bit (it’s devastatingly cute). “How’s that?” 

“Just, they’re both such flat characters.” You frown. “I don’t really think either of them needed to be in the story at all. I mean, having a narrator that’s a character with no personality is effectively the same as having a non-omniscient third-person narrator, right?” 

Remus is biting the inside corner of his lips like he’s trying not to smile. “Right.” 

“What?”

“I’m just thinking that I need to get you talking about books more often,” he says. And that’s real affection in his eyes, mixed in with the humor. 

You look down, grinning at the front of your shirt, but his little smile doesn’t waver. 

“Shouldn’t be hard,” you say. An awkward, obvious sidestep of the compliment, but he lets you get away with it. “Your turn. Let’s go to your section.” 

He shrugs. “If you think you can stand it,” he says, but starts moving in that direction. You notice he’s still holding the copy of your favorite book. 

“Aren’t you going to put that back?” 

“No.” He doesn’t need to look down to know what you’re talking about. “You’ve already torn one of my choice novels to shreds, now it’s my turn to read yours.” 

A little bite of nervousness snips behind your belly button even as his sidelong look lets you know he’s only joking. “You could always borrow mine.” 

Remus blinks. “I’m flattered that you’d trust me with it,” he says, and it almost has you blushing again, that he knows the significance of you offering him your copy, “but I think I’ll read the un-annotated version first. But if the offer still stands after I’m finished, I’d love to read your thoughts on it.” 

He says it like it’s nothing. Like taking the time to read your favorite book twice, just so he can get to know you more thoroughly, isn’t the sweetest thing anyone’s ever so much as thought of doing for you. You worry that if you look down, your heart will be glowing right through your shirt.

“Alright.” You muster your courage, taking him by the hand. “But now we also have to find one to read together.” 

Remus has looked down at your joined hands, something like shyness coloring his expression, but he looks up to quirk an eyebrow at you. “Are you so sure we’ll be able to find something we can agree upon?” “So long as it involves a main character that actually does something, I think we can manage.”

[dekusleftsock]

HMMNGGGSHSHHSHD IM SO LATE TO THIS BUT THERES SO MANY THINGS IVE WANTED TO SAY FOR SO LONG AND IVE JUST BEEN TOO DEPRESSED OR BUSY TO DO IT

I did just re-read the chapter, hazbin/helluva hyperfixation is gone y’all I’m back and ready for more.

Okay so, a couple of things I noticed. Let’s start there.

Throughout this chapter, it really is heartbreaking to see how Izuku regards one for all as Allmight’s power, and therefore a disrespect to him to give that away. Which is quite frankly insane given the nature of what the power is, but regardless it still shows me just how deeply he still cares for and admires allmight.

It also makes the transfer Izuku makes to Katsuki in the heroes rising movie all the more intimate; izuku wouldn’t just give the power to anyone, if not for himself (which is also clearly due to that fact since he still sees ofa as the thing that makes him a hero, not his characteristics), then simply out of respect for allmight and his legacy.

It’s just the anger you can see, feel in those words as he demands to know why. I’ve personally been in the boat of “Izuku dislikes Kudou immensely bc he hasn’t proven to be heroic and amazing like Katsuki has, and also he insults him a lot why would he like him”, since Izuku does genuinely have self respect (a common mischaracterization imo), he’s just also more forgiving and faithful to those he admires or loves (or both).

SPEAKING OF SELF RESPECT AND MISCHARACTERIZATION!

I want to highlight the words “But even so, this boy refuses to throw in the towel”, bc it’s such an important part of Izuku and his character.

He isn’t overly self sacrificial, he isn’t a masochist, he isn’t even a martyr—especially not a martyr.

Izuku is stubborn. That is not the same thing as wanting to constantly die for others; izuku is like Katsuki, he wants to fight for others. Giving up just simply isn’t in his morality.

And if “giving up” also includes letting someone die or failing to save someone out of his own negligence, that’s not because he wants to die.

I can’t explain how much the interpretation that Izuku wanting to die, even for others, is so fucking out of character. Izuku is stubborn, he’s stubborn in the way that he won’t just fall over and let the ground take him. Given the circumstances, Izuku would fight for his life just as he would fight for another.

THIS HAS BEEN THE CASE SINCE, I DONT KNOW, CHAPTER FUCKING ONE?

“Idiot! If I’d really jumped, you’d be charged with bullying me into suicide!! Think before you speak!!”

“Idiot…”

Like he’s so unaffected by the awful comment outside of being angry at the DISRESPECT of said comment. This is why all those damn suicidal Izuku fics have always felt so ooc. Izuku isnt a moody, brooding ball of depression, he’s a stubborn, courageous, and angry ball of depression. There is a difference.

Even before this, he literally attempts to say something or fight back to Katsuki, honestly it looks like he’s about to punch him here.

The only reason he DOESNT is bc HE DOESNT WANT TO GET HIS ASS BEAT

Btw for anyone who has or ever will be in Izuku’s position, punch him. I love Katsuki But hit him in the fucking gut. If you get your ass beat at least you can say you can took it like a champ.

Speaking from someone who regrets not punching three girls who were trying to gang up on me in middle school🫶🫶🫶

Anyway, I’d argue that Izuku not taking Katsuki in a fight was made out of self preservation, something he very much has.

And last but not least, we get to this lovely fucking page.

First of all…

Hm, ain’t that strange?

I’m not saying it’s fully a parallel, I’m just saying it’s something to consider.

Especially with the context that I don’t think Izuku feels shameful here.

He’s been a hero who didn’t look like one once before, I’m sure a snide comment through Shigaraki is nothing in comparison to the literal hundreds of civilians afraid of him.

Or, even more interestingly, what if he’s shameful of it, and okay with that? Now THATS some control over your emotions. This is demonstrating the very thing Banjo told him in the first place; using his emotions to fuel him. Let himself live with them, breath with them. They exist, and they hurt, and that’s fucking okay.

But it begs the question…. Why bring attention to it?

Clearly horikoshi WANTS you to see that Izuku is the one who looks like the monster now. He even looks devil like, blackwhip coming out of his back the way it is just feels like wings.

But maybe… maybe this is how he stops sweeping problems under the rug. Maybe this is him, Izuku, at his most animalistic form. Him. At his core. This is the Izuku he doesn’t want people to know.

The faceless, long clawed, oozing black monster.

He’s a kid who can take a fucking beating. He’s not Deku the useless doll, nor is he Deku the hero. He’s simply Izuku.

And you know what’s even more likely?

The black pit of anger that Shigaraki has formed, fueling his uncontrolled emotions and anger and despair, with the light tear showing something underneath…

What if, this was Izuku’s black ball of anger and shame, except this one is escaping his body, pouring out and showing all of that for what it truly is. Pent up rage, uncontrolled emotion, anxiety and shame, all mixed into one hell hole of a person—but a ball that can be molded, controlled, torn apart from the inside out.

See, the same way Kudou tears at Shigaraki’s mental breaking to see what’s underneath, so have the ofa users for Izuku. Slowly, but surely, the people in Izuku’s life have, while created that ball in the first place, also worked to destroy it. The final piece of the puzzle is for Izuku to choose to let it happen, and he is.

Learning to sit in one’s fear, doubt, hatred, anger, sadness, grief, happiness—without that emotion having to be something, simply something that flows through you, that you can choose to act on or not; this is where Izuku’s arc is coming to its tipping point. We are nearing the climax, I can feel it.

[cait-with-luv]

Little Leopard [3]

"If it weren't for seven men that fateful night you wouldn't be here now. They showed you good people did exist. That life can be great, that you can be loved and cared for. These seven men were the men you loved and cherished. These men were your mates. Your safety blanket. And to them. You were their Little Leopard."

Header Credit: Me

Pairing: OT7 X Hybrid!Reader

Genre: Hybrid! AU, Strangers to Lovers! AU, Rich!BTS, Fluff, Angst(And I mean Angst), Polyamorous!BTS

Warnings: Mentions Of Eating Disorder, Body Dysmorphia (if you squint), Depression, Anxiety, PTSD

Word Count: 5.7k

Prev ¦ Next

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The adjustments were difficult. You just couldn’t comprehend the respect and care you were being given by these seven men. It had only been a week or two but it was so overwhelming. It felt too good to be true. It felt like if you turned a corner something bad would happen. That this was just a ruse to get you to trust them before it all went back to how you were used to. You didn’t mean to think so ill of them but you couldn’t help it, your relationship with humans from the beginning of your life had been nothing but torture. They knew that too which is why you were grateful for the patience and space they gave you, doing their absolute best to gain your trust and when they were to finally gain it, they would absolutely treasure it and do their absolute best to never break it.

You’ve never felt so much appreciation for seven humans ever. They never pushed you to tell them anything, never force you to do anything you were uncomfortable doing, and always made sure they weren’t pushing any of your boundaries. And at least one of them was always there with you if your anxiety got bad or if you have a nightmare. You were never left to deal with it on your own. Some days were better than others and today unfortunately wasn’t a good one. 

“Hey, Kitty, how are you doing? On a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being not very good and 10 being feeling great.” Taehyung says softly as he peers into the room you had now claimed and pouts seeing you curled up on the bed silently staring out the window. They had come up with a system best suited for you. They knew it was hard for you to express how you were feeling and communicate your emotions, you had gone years not being allowed to and you had years of trauma built up so they used scales to get an idea of how you were feeling and then they’d know where to go from there. Taehyung could already guess that today would be low from your body language. 

“Uhh, a-a four I g-guess? ‘M sorry…” You say guiltily slowly turning to face him, wincing slightly from your wounds that had yet to fully heal. A look of guilt and just sheer exhaustion written all over your face making him pout and shake his head, carefully coming over and kneeling beside you. 

“Hey be careful you’re still healing. It’s okay Kitten, you’re allowed to have bad days, it’s a part of healing mentally and physically, you have nothing to apologise for hm? Wanna tell me what’s making you feel like this today or are you not ready yet?” He asks politely, holding his hand out for you to take not wanting to give you any physical touch unless you wanted it which today you do, placing his hand on top of your head wanting pets, a rumble coming from your chest when he scratches behind your hybrid ear a small smile appearing on his face. You need something to ground yourself and their touch and scent were so soothing and welcoming that you knew it would help you today.

“Night terror. I think that’s w-why. I-I don’t wanna talk about that though i-is that okay?” You say timidly leaning into his touch more to relax. You always felt timid around them still, you couldn’t help it they were much bigger than you and their good looks definitely didn’t help. 

“Oh Kitty of course that’s okay, but just know you’re safe here, nothing will hurt you ever again okay? Now I have some ideas to get these bad thoughts away. Wait here I’ll be back!” He says with a smile before rushing away to do whatever he had planned. You carefully sit up and pout waiting for him to come back only to hear a knock on your door, Jimin peers in and gives you the smile that always makes your heart flutter.

“Hey Petal. Taehyungie told us it’s not a very good day for you today? It’s okay to have days like this, so he’s come up with an idea. Whenever you have bad days like this it’s going to be a day of self-care and love and a day where we will cheer you up how does that sound?” Jimin says sitting on the edge of the bed making you hum and nod at the thought. It definitely sounded like something you needed right now.

“Great I’m glad you like the sound of it, now will you come with me for the first part of your day?” He asks tilting his head at you and holding his hand out for you which you take, he carefully helps you up and guides you into the bathroom where Taehyung sat on the floor in front of the bathtub watching it fill up and turns and smiles at you. 

“Hey Kitten we thought a nice bath will help relax you first hm? Here we have these bath bombs they make your bath smell all nice and the water change colour, take a pick and we’ll put one in.” Taehyung smiles holding out a basket to you. You hesitate before taking it from him and looking down at them tilting your head as you look at them, your nose twitching from the overwhelming smells of all the bath bombs making you let out a little sneeze, they giggle and stare at you as you pick them up one by one and sniffing them until you find the one you like the best and hold it out to Taehyung.

“You have a sensitive nose like Jungkookie huh? This is his favourite scent too. Nice and subtle. Come here watch this.” Taehyung chuckles and holds the bath bomb above the water as you kneel beside him curiously, eyes widening in awe as he drops the ball into the bath full of water and it immediately begins to fizz. They both laugh at the shock and curiosity on your face as you watch it dissolve but it made their hearts feel heavy too. The thought that you never even got to experience the little things in life. That everything was new to you and a learning curve. They all sworn to themselves that you will get to experience only the best things in life even if it is just a bath bomb in water.

“It’s so pretty…” You murmur in awe watching the limpid water change to a shimmery purple, slowly placing your hand in the water and moving it around to watch the glistening water swirl and make patterns, letting out a noise of surprise when you touch the dissolving ball and it lightly tickles your had from the fizzing.

“Not as pretty as you Angel. Now come on let’s get you in the bath and I’ll give you nice head scrubs hm?” Jimin says gently, making your face flush and look away from him as he takes the hair tie out of your hair to let it cascade down your back.

“Jiminie gives the best head scrubs when it comes to washing hair.” Taehyung grins, standing up, ruffling Jimin’s hair making huff and nudge him before he smiles at you and nods in agreement as you murmur a small ‘okay’ before standing up and looking at them with hesitation wanting them to turn around so you could undress from your clothes without eyes on yours You didn’t want them to see you so exposed. You had so many scars too, you wanted to hide as much as possible.

“Don’t worry Y/N I’m leaving now, I have to plan the rest of your day out, Jiminie will turn around for you.” Taehyung coos before exiting the bathroom and Jimin turns his back to you. You quickly strip yourself from the clothes which were Jimin’s since you had yet to get your own and climb into the tub, sighing in contentment as the warm water relaxes your tense muscles, pulling your legs to your chest so you felt less exposed and shyly whisper out,

“Y-You can turn around now…”

Jimin gives you a reassuring grin before kneeling again in front of the bath and rolls his sleeves up and picks up the jug beside him and scoops up some of the water and places his other hand on the back of your neck to support it.

“Lean your head back for me petal and close your eyes so I can wet your hair. It’s okay I’ve got you, I’m not going to look anywhere you don’t want me to. Relax you’re safe.” He coos seeing the hesitation in your eyes. All you needed was a bit of encouragement, and reassurance that you were in a very safe environment. 

You slowly lean your head back and close your eyes, humming to yourself when the warm water is poured over your hair a small smile on your lips noticing how careful he was around your hybrid ears knowing they couldn’t get a lot of water in them otherwise you’d get an ear infection from the moisture in them. You jump feeling his fingers suddenly in your hair and begin to gently massage at your scalp to lather up the shampoo he had now put in your hair, hearing him chuckle as you begin to purr from the sensation. Ever since they began to give you affection you couldn’t get enough of it. After all, you had many years of no affection to catch up on. And they were more than willing to give you it whenever you liked.

“There we go, Angel. All done.” Jimin says making your eyes snap open as he pulls his hands away and begins to dry his hands on the towel, an amused grin on his face seeing the small pout on your lips. You had spaced out so quickly that you hadn’t even realised that he had washed out the shampoo and conditioned your hair. It startled you at the effect they all had on you. In such a short period of time, you had grown to enjoy their presence, the nicknames they had all given you, and their comforting scents and touches. You had never felt safer, but there was always a nagging voice in the back of your head to not be so trusting of them already, that they’ll turn against you once they have your trust. You couldn’t stop it so all you could do was try to ignore it but sometimes it was hard.

“Thank you, Jimin.” You say politely before looking at your arms and peering at your thighs, throat tightening at the sight of all your scars. They weren’t very noticeable usually but every time you bathed they were always more prominent and it made you feel ill. No matter how much you will recover mentally, you will always still have to live with the physical memories of them. You will never be able to forget that chapter of your story no matter how many more chapters you make. 

“Hey, Angel look at me not them. Talk to me about what’s going on in that pretty head of yours hm? Your thoughts are allowed to be out in the open here. You won’t be punished or anything like that. I’m here to listen and help get rid of those thoughts. We’re here to listen and get rid of them.” Jimin coos stroking your hair for comfort. You turn to look at him with tears in your eyes, your voice stuck in your throat making him pout and coo at you.

“T-They’re ugly. T-The s-scars. T-They make m-me ugly. I-I’ll never be able to get rid of them. Y-You all m-must think I-I’m disgusting. W-Why did you save m-me Jimin? I-I’m a lost cause. Y-You never should have found me that night.” You sniffle and he immediately shakes his head at you and cups your face in his hands and his thumbs wipe away the tears that slip down your cheeks. 

“Petal no, you’re perfect the way you are. So perfect. You may have scars but they make you who you are. These scars are your battle scars. They each may hold a dark story, yes but every single one shows everyone that you, my little leopard are a survivor. A warrior. A warrior is not built of ease but suffering, and this is why they chose to build themselves to ease suffering and I know that you are capable of doing so. You are the toughest person I know. Look at you, Angel! You’re showing that you’re willing to heal and find who you really are. You are doing so well and all of us could not be any more proud of you. You will overcome this. It’s not going to be an easy process, healing never is but remember you are not alone anymore Y/N. You have me, Taehyung, Jungkook, the hyungs. We are all here to hold your hand through this. With time all this will be a distant memory, you are anything but a lost cause. We saved you because we believe everyone deserves a second chance at life. Especially you Petal. We found you that that night because of fate. It wasn’t your time. We were meant to find you that night and I’m so glad we did because believe it or not you are the best thing to happen to us in a long time and I’ll be damned if we let this fucked up system fail you again.” He says seriously, his eyes not once breaking contact with yours, letting a smile fall on his face as you stare at him with adoration. No one has ever told you anything like that before. It warmed your heart. You meant something to someone. Not just one person but seven.

“T-That was really refreshing to hear. T-Thank you, Jiminie. I appreciate your words.” You sniffle leaning into his hands, squeaking as he places a kiss on your forehead making him laugh and throw his head back finding how shy you were adorable before pouting as you hide your face in your hands.

“Nooo,  Angel don’t hide your pretty face from me!”

“No! Stop it you’re making me all flustered you meanie!”

—

“There she is! Good morning Doll! For a minute there I thought Jimin had kept you all to himself! Here come eat breakfast, I made some chocolate chip pancakes for you!” Seokjin says excitedly as he plates you some up as you sit at the table and look around frowning when you only notice Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung at the table. After your bath Jimin had brushed your hair for you and dried it before plaiting it for you and leaving you to dress and come down when you were ready.

“Oh you must be wondering where the others are, they had to go to work, they’ll be back later tonight, so it’s just us today.” Jungkook smiles looking at his plate and bursting out laughing and before you know it so were Jimin and Taehyung. You look down confused at what they were laughing at, your head tilting to the side. What was this meant to be?

“Yeah, so that means you and I are stuck with these brats. Yah! What are you laughing at!” Seokjin exclaims as he sits down glaring at the boys who were almost falling off their chairs from laughing so much.

“What are these meant to be?! They look so horrified!” Jungkook cackles as Jin huffs and crosses his arms and pouts at the three youngests for teasing his attempt of pancake art. You let out a little giggle, covering your mouth as Jin looks at you with an even bigger pout.

“They’re meant to be leopards. The chocolate chips were meant to be like a leopard print but they melted too quickly…” He murmurs making them laugh even louder but you stare at them, your heart swelling at the small thing he did to cheer you up, the appreciation he shows to your animal counterpart. You felt so lucky to have these seven men in your life. Jimin may be right. Fate brought you guys together.

“Well, Seokjin I think they look great. I really appreciate it.” You say quietly, flushing as he grins at you and instinctively winks at you. It was a habit he had that you picked up on. He then looks back at the boys and glares at them again and points at them.

“Hey! See at least someone appreciates my efforts you brats! And buttercup please call me Jin, no need for formalities here. Now brats eat your food before I take them back and make you all eat cereal!” He threatens before beginning to eat his own pancakes. You smile watching them try to defend themselves and begin to eat your own, only managing to eat one and a half before feeling full. Breaking your old eating habits was a challenge but slowly and surely you were improving.

“Now that breakfast is finished, we were wondering if you would like some fresh air buttercup? You could use it and we definitely need to get you your own clothes, I’m sure you’d like to have your own right?” Seokjin asks and your eyes widen, feeling your heart race a little at the thought of going outside. You knew you had to eventually but it had not crossed your mind once. You were terrified. You had never really seen the outside world, always trapped in your cage in your masters or mistresses home and you were terrified that you’d see one of them. You remembered them all so clearly. It was hard not to when they had caused you so much suffering.

“W-What if I-I see my m-master? O-Or any of my old masters o-or mmistressesI-I’ve never r-really been outside…” You panic and Jin and Jungkook who sat beside you both grab your hands and rubbed reassuring circles on the skin to calm you down.

“Baby, you will not see any of them and even if you do, we will not them anywhere near you and we will come straight back home. They are not your masters and mistresses. You are safe now and we will protect you hm? The world is a big scary place I know, especially when you’ve never seen it but when you put that aside it has a beautiful side to it and we want you to see that sweet girl. We want you to finally be able to live not just survive. As soon as you feel like it’s too much we will be home straight away okay?” Jungkook reassures squeezing your hand for encouragement.

“You are safe with us Angel. We will not leave your side. We want to spoil our little leopard, we think it is very well deserved.” Jimin coos from across from you. You look at them all, their faces all serious meaning they meant every word. These men would not let anything happen to you and that was all you needed to hear.

“O-Okay but! N-No spoiling. You don’t need to do that. A few things is enough…”

“No promises on that one Kitten.”

—

“Woah…” You breathe out as you look around the mall they had brought you to, eyes wide in awe and curiosity as you take it all in. You had never seen anything like it. It was so enormous. It was all-natural light, the roof made out of glass, a shop everywhere you looked. You didn’t even know where to begin. You felt so small in this big world already.

“Are you okay so far buttercup? Take your time, I know this must all be a lot to take in.” Jin reassures rubbing your back as he watches your eyes dart all around the youngest three watching in amusement at your shock. It was adorable.

“I-I don’t know where to begin…t-there’s so many s-shops and…and I can’t really read.” You murmur almost ashamed that you couldn’t read. You felt so illiterate and out of place with them. They were all dressed well compared to you who wore Jimin’s clothes that just about fit you and the fact that you knew they were very intelligent men just made you feel ashamed despite knowing it’s not your fault that you couldn’t read. You were never allowed to.

“Hey that’s okay don’t worry baby, we’ll guide you and we’ll get you some books to start to learn how to read how does that sound? Namjoonie hyung will be more than happy to teach you.” Jungkook coos, slipping his hand into yours and begins to guide you into a shop.

“This shop is for clothes, hybrid ones. It just means they’re modified for your pretty tail so it’s not squashed and you can show it freely and proudly okay?” Jimin says and begins to look around excitedly. They all seemed more excited than you, already seeing clothes they wanted you to try on.

“Will you guys help me? I-I don’t know what I like yet…” You ask gingerly, playing with your fingers, looking at them all pleadingly. You had no idea what kind of style you liked or suited. You never got to pick your own clothes and never got to wear anything colourful or pretty. You were just given plain old rags.

“Of course, we’ll help you come on let’s look around and we’ll pick things out and you point at anything you like okay, doll?” Seokjin says tenderly, taking your hand and begins guiding you around the shop, the other three looking around to find you something you may like. After a while of picking things you like and the boys picking out clothes and even shoes for you, they ushered you into a changing room to try on the things you had finally chosen to try and hopefully buy. A few dresses, tops and pants had been a no from you when you tried them on, not liking how they looked on you despite the boys telling you how pretty you looked in them but understood. If it didn’t feel like you then they couldn’t make you get them. They wanted you to be confident in what you wore not get them just because they liked them. You had finally chosen what you wanted to get and what you didn’t and went to pay before hesitantly looking at them after paying and murmuring,

“A-Am I okay to go change into something you guys got me?”

“Of course, you can, sweet girl, if that makes you feel more comfortable, here take the bag so you can choose what you’d like to wear, come on we’ll wait right outside the changing room for you.” Jungkook coos before handing you the bag full of clothes and guiding you back to the changing rooms. Once you were in you quickly route through the bag and find the blue collared shirt Jungkook had picked out for you and the white plaited skirt you had picked and quickly change into them, smiling at yourself in the mirror and grabbing the white silk bandana headband Jimin had got you and put on your head, unplaiting your hair leaving it down and wavy and finally changing into the white sneakers and then stuffing the worn clothes into the bag before taking a deep breath and taking one final glance in the mirror, happy with the way you looked. For the first time in a long time, you felt pretty. You exit the changing room and the boys stare in awe at you. They had already thought you were pretty but seeing you in your own style and even having some confidence made them think you were even prettier and they didn’t even think it was possible. 

“You look so pretty, Angel! It definitely suits you!” Jimin giggles and the boys chorus in agreement with him making your cheeks flush and look down shyly, whispering a thank you to them.

“Here let me take that bag for you, Kitten, let’s go look in more shops! We can’t not spoil you now!” Taehyung says excitedly and begins to enthusiastically pull you out of the shop, ignoring your protests and whines, the others laughing as they follow. For the next hour or two you all entered so many shops, the boys no longer holding back on buying you things. If this is how life was going to be with them, then you didn’t want it any other way. They made you happy. Made you forget all about the terrible past you had.

“Okay we have one more shop to go to and then we’ll make our way home and I think tonight we should takeout. You have to try pizza buttercup.” Seokjin proclaims as you tilt your head in confusion. 

“What’s pizza?” You ask slightly confused and they gasp dramatically, holding a hand to their chests in fake hurt making you giggle as you walk into the next shop not realising where you were heading into.

“Only one of the best foods to ever exist! You’re gonna love it!” Jungkook exclaims before holding your hand and pouting seeing the frown on your face seeing the shop you were in. A hybrid shop. Where you could buy anything you needed for any type of hybrid. But that also meant a collar. You hated collars. You were always made to wear a shock one. One foot out of line and your old owners would electrocute you.

“Hey, we know, we don’t want to get you one either but if you want to come out with us again you have to wear one otherwise any hybrid control that may see you might think you aren’t ours. You do not have to wear this at home. This is just for your safety outside the house okay? We’ll even let you pick your own one.” Jimin reassures making you nod hesitantly and look at all the selections you had. You look at them all before one catches your eye, a soft baby blue collar, it looked silky and to you, it looked more like a necklace, it would definitely make you feel better if you thought of it like that.

“That one. It looks more like a necklace. I don’t want any of the others. T-They look like they hurt. My old one hurt me a lot.” You whisper timidly as you point at the one you like, the boys frowning at your confession. It was the first hint they had gotten to your past and they didn’t need to be a genius to know what collar you had and just the thought of you being made to wear a shock collar fumed them.

“Oh sweet girl, it’s okay, you will never have to wear anything like that again. If this is the one you want then you will get that one okay?” Jungkook says, scratching behind your ear making you purr and nod.

“Is there anything in here that you see that you may need?” Seokjin asks softly, watching as you look around and pause when you notice a familiar bottle your previous owners constantly held in front of you and had you take. You may not be able to read but you knew what it was. You had totally forgotten about them and you were unsure if you needed them but you decided to pick them up to show them to see if they needed you to get it, their eyes widen immediately and quickly shake their heads, Taehyung gently putting it back down and holding your hands in his as they circle you, frowning their hearts sinking at the thought of you being made to take these tablets. You were confused at their horror. Were you not supposed to take them?

“Doll, no, you can’t have those, they can cause serious harm to your body. They can send it all out of balance, you will not be taking these okay? Not in our household.” Jin says sternly but as softly as he could. He was raging. How long had you been on them?

“But…all my other owners made me take them s-so I thought I needed them. A-Are heat suppressants bad?” You ask worriedly and they look at you in shock. You thought it was normal but it wasn’t.

“Yes, Angel, they are. They have too many bad chemicals and side effects. They shouldn’t even be allowed to be bought. You have to come off these okay? It’s unnatural for you.” Jimin says rubbing your back, your cheeks flushing, you didn’t want to have a heat in front of them, you had been conditioned to believe they were embarrassing and disgusting.

“B-But i-it’s embarrassing. I-I don’t want you to see me in heat. T-They’re gross…” You whisper and Taehyung shakes his head at you with a frown on his face, his deep voice now dropping lower making you shudder as he speaks,

“Kitten. Heats are anything but embarrassing and gross. They are natural. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. We will never judge you for something that is completely natural for you and out of your control. It’s part of your animal counterpart you should embrace it. You’re in a safe environment to have them okay?”

You nod slowly and whisper an apology, feeling close to tears, you had made them angry. You could smell the anger coming off them and it intimidated you. You couldn’t bare seeing them angry, especially because you thought they were mad at you. But you couldn’t be anymore wrong. They were mad at how badly the hybrid protection system had failed you. Something they had dedicated their lives to, something they were trying to improve. They were mad at themselves for letting your torture and suffering go on for so long, completely under the radar. They were mad at the people who had caused you so much trauma and pain. They were never gonna allow it to happen again.

“Why are you apologizing Buttercup? You don’t need to apologize for anything, it’s not your fault. It’s those horrible people’s fault. We are not mad at you, we’re mad at them. I have to ask this Y/N but…when was your last heat?” Jin asks worriedly, his doctor instincts kicking in.

“I-I don’t know…I was made to have the pills everyday, there was one time where I wasn’t given them for a week cause I had been left alone all week so no one gave me any so I ended up having one but that might of been about…three maybe four years ago…” You admit and Jin’ heart sinks. That was too long. He had to check your health properly. To make sure that you were really okay.

“Okay doll, I might have to do a health check on you tomorrow, just to make sure you’re alright but for now, let’s buy this collar and go home okay?” Jin says taking your hand as you nod hesitantly and begin to walk to the cashier. You were so relieved to have people who really care about your wellbeing and just you as a person. They didn’t view as a pet,or an animal. They saw you as a human. A person with feelings and a life. 

—

You had gotten home a few hours ago and had ordered pizza for dinner and to say the least, Jungkook was right. It was one of the best things you had ever eaten. You all were now sat in the living room watching a film, waiting for the three men who had to work to come home. Your ears twitch when you hear the car pull up in the driveway and you then hear the three mens voices getting closer to the house, your tail beginning to sway side to side, happy to be able to see them again. 

“We’re home!” Namjoon calls out, walking into the living room, Hoseok and Yoongi behind him, all three of them smiling when they see us all curled up on the sofas, the five of us peering up to them with a smile back.

“Hi loves, did you have a good day at work?” Seokjin smiles watching as they sit down and sigh in relief to finally be home, a purr leaving your lips as Hoseok rubs the tip of your ear making a shiver run down your spine.

“It was alright, rushed off our feet today. I see that little cub has gotten a pretty new outfit, wanna show us properly? Give us a twirl.” Yoongi grins watching as you blush and stand up before spinning around timidly, Yoongi and Namjoon chuckling at how shy you were and Hoseok cooing, a bright smile on his face despite being so tired.

“Doesn’t she look so pretty hyungs? Kitten was having a bad day today so we had a self care day today and took her out for the first time to spoil her. We’re so proud of her for being able to go out and see the city.” Taehyung praises as you sit down again and try and cover your face in embarrassment.

“She’s the prettiest girl I know. I’m sorry to hear you were having a bad day princess, I hope you feel much better now, I’m proud of you for going outside I know that must have been a big step for you but just know next time, it’s our turn to treat you okay?” Namjoon smiles as you whine and shake your head. You already felt like you had so much, you couldn’t possibly need anymore. 

“The more you deny us to treat you,sweetpea, the more we’re gonna get you. You deserve all the best things in life.” Hoseok teases making you huff knowing you weren’t going to win the fight. They enjoyed watching your personality slowly come to light. They knew when you were finally past this hard time, you’d be the brightest and sassiest person. 

“Hey doll, why don’t you go shower and get some of your new pyjamas on and then we’ll all watch another movie before bed?” Seokjin suggests, kissing your head as you agree before making your way upstairs. They wait silently until they hear the shower running, looking at each other before all at once, they say,

“We need to talk.”

------

So sorry for the wait! My internet decided to turn off so I had to wait for it to come back on! But here is part 3! Sorry if it's boring and if there is anything I missed whilst editing please do let me know! Anyway hope you enjoyed and I hope to have part 4 up as soon as I am able to!

TAGLIST (CLOSED)

@sunoosult @pb-n-juju @kimsaerom @tinyoonsblog @mintyoonjisworld @malewife-supremacy @army4eve3r @mageprincess7 @dreamamubarak @ot7nem @haleypearce @yoongiigolden @kinkyduuh @victoryscreech61 @driftapart @carolinexkpop @koobratzy @devilsadvcte @colourlyhobbit @toughbook @ah2002 @beeeee06 @euphoriayongbok @bbgniecyy @linospot @jaiuneamesolitaiire @whotfisclaire @rich-man-v @bangtanxberm @pathetic-brat @murkydoesnotloveyou @cheychey-4788 @kookiesandmilksblog @atinygracie @echo-ethe @yo-alli @blancflms @scarlet1722 @jamlessstars @theblueslytherin @rosquilleta @slash4slashers @chieftoadturkeynickel @m4r1eluvr @cath-fach @rainbow-bunny-bts @thedarkwinterrose @anjoellamorte

[lemonxlimee]

Heart mind soul chonny jash. I made this for @twig-gy but literally this is just a ramble and anyone can read it if you want I guess. I wrote this while listening to And if I Did you deserved it by will wood on loop

OKAY SO. they're. They mean a lot to me okag

So umm,m (sorry if this sounds kind of weird I'm still new to the whole Real People Fandom thing) and also sorry if this sounds awkward that's because it is. I've been into chonny jash for nearly a year and I only found out about the fandom just now I have no idea how to introduce myself. Hello!! I'm Leafy! This is going to be very awkward as I try to fumble over my ideas.

Ahem. Without further ado.

I kind of. This is complicated but I kind of see them as a sort of system. Like not a "system" but like,, like parts of . BAHAHAHA like parts of a whole. They're part of each other in the same way a broken plate. The plate was one thing and now it's like 4 different things.

You can tell this especially from the line at the end of tse that goes "see how the brain plays around and it splits what once was whole down into three". Clear as day. Clear as day to me at leasg and hopefully to you. That's one of the parts that stands out to me most in tse though the entire thing is a spectacle I quite enjoy it

They're a broken plate. Okay do you understand. Great moving on

Theyre parts of a whole. Like. I'm just gonna call them a system even though that's not what they are but that's how I'm going to explain it

So. Clearly they're dysfunctional, at least a little bit. They're not functional. They are unfunctional like a broken ferris wheel and like a broken ferris wheel it is Hard to Work With

Yeah yk what I'm just. Gonna use system terminology. Easier for me. They're not a system!!! But they could be. But they're not!! Yet. !!!!

So. Soul. Right. Soul. You know Soul. Heart and Mind as well. You know Heart and Mind. They're Heart and Mind. And Soul. Theyr're.

Oh boy. This is going to sound deranged. If it doesn't already.

Okay now USUALLY I'm not big on insys relationships. But that's also just me. I'm perfectly confident if we formed a Pin I would be proposing within the week. That's not important.

Heart and Mind feel like the kind of relationship that you need to Understand Them Individually before you can put them together. But we already do that and I'. Can't do analysis right now so we're gonna skip that part. And Soul is basically the "I will turn this fucking car around I swear to god" of the system. "System". You know what I mean. He's sick of their shit and you can tell.

I think. THINK. think I just think I have not heard 100% of chonny's discography I cannot confirm nor deny this this is just a theory based on the 6 or so hms songs I've heard.

Mind almost feels. Abusive? Not really. He's teetering on the edge. He's like aaaalmost. But you can really tell he cares deep down for Heart. Especially in tme. You can hear in the lyrics. Some of them are degrading heart obviously ("saddened and weak, freakish and dismal, hollow and bleak," and you know. The entire song.) But if you read some of the other lines you can tell he just cares about the system as a whole (pun.) And he wants to keep them all safe. "I can't claim that I enjoy this, covering for a tortured boy..." this almost feels like. Masking.. like some of ours have jobs that are just to mask. Taco for example. Mike especially last year. Mind has to act sane and keep an eye out for threats. He's the protector. But he verbally bullies Heart and almost even physically. It comes down to an almost toxic relationship between the two.

Heart on the other hand is just sad and scared, almost, of Mind. He's the emotion holder. Obviously. Unfortunately for many emotion holders such as myself this means he's prone to self pity and depression. You can tell this even by barely grazing the lyrics of tha. Even in variations on a cloud, a song that's supposed to be more happy sounding (yes i know it's about 9/11 shush) he sounds kind of. Upset? But that's typical. I guess. For someone like Heart. But if you look deeper he seems to be fine with this. Fine ish. Fine enough. He hides from the sun but he doesn't seem to be doing any better or worse. He's blind. The sun is referred to as "blinding to the eye" in the second verse of tha. But Mind knows this. He references it in his own song. "It seems those beams of light have caused some glare." He noticed. HE NOTICED. do you see where I'm going with this.

Yes.

Mind claims not to care about Heart, but he obviously does at least a little bit. He heard, or even knows about, Heart's song and references one of the lyrics in his own. Sure the music could just be theatrical. But it doesn't change the fact that he noticed Heart's emotions and troubles.

Pardon me for drawing parallels to my own brain once again but I kind of see a resemblance between these guys and my own guys. Namely evie and firey. They HATE each other so much to the point of actual catfights in the back of the head space. Embarrassing! But here's the thing. They couldn't live without each other. Evie needs a place to put all that so so so much anger, and firey needs something to do that doesn't involve hurting me or the body in some way. It balances out. They help each other by keeping each other occupied. Without them we'd all be in danger, them most of all. I myself draw parallels to Soul while listening to cccc!! "Evie and Firey dtop fighting or else I will turn this car around."

Speaking of which...

Soul. Soul, am I right?

"I will turn this fucking car around."

Soul.

Soul is clearly what I like to call the "scarecrow" of the system. His job is to watch Heart and Mind and make sure they don't fucking slaughter each other. (I mean fuck*... they literally SHOT each other at one point.) Soul watches the two and basically threatens them into shutting up at the end of tse. ("I'll take you down in tandem when this rope is tied..." Did bro just threaten suicide!? Even I wouldn't go that far just for "Shut The Fuck Up Evie And Firey I Swear To God"... bro is desperate) I'm sure he cares about them both in his own Special Way.

(* I did not mean "I mean fuck" as in the correction way (I.e "so that they don't slaughter I mean fuck each other".) However, this also works if you choose to believe it.)

In fact you can kind of tell in tse that he does care. Even if his caring is just "shut the fuck up both of you," he's not apathetic or unnoticing to them. He just doesn't like them. Bad care is still a form of care.

In variations on a cloud (yes hello we're back to this) Soul and Heart share a lot of lines. Mind is pretty quiet in this song, which is a nice change from. Yknow. Every other song he's present in. He only has a few lines. But in those few lines, he's almost always harmonizing with Soul and Heart. Those two are the real focus of the song.

Holy shit it's 2am I've been writing for over half an hour. Anyway!

Soul cares about Heart a lot. But maybe it's the wrong kind of care. Once again; he will turn this car around. Heart doesn't like Mind, but Mind likes Heart, and Soul also likes Heart. Where does this leave us? Nowhere. Which is where this car is going if Heart and Mind don't stop hatefucking in the back seat.

Where was I going with this?

Oh yes. Soul is as toxic as Mind. Maybe more so.

Soul seems to be the guy who cares about himself. If you listen to tse again (I know you want to) you can tell most of the lyrics are basically about him, and how tired he is of the other two. He doesn't really care about their or whole's well-being, he just wants them both to shut up so he can enjoy himself. Which makes sense! I'd be in his position too if I didn't care about pyrite!!

Uhh... I actually think I have nothing else to add... maybe I'll come back in the morning when my brain isn't a jumbled mess. I should have been asleep hours ago. There was a point to this all I swear!!!!!

Enjoy!! I guess 6_6"

[disruptivevoib]

Chonny Jash HMS Labyrinths AU Explanation & Art Dump: The Masterpost

Before we get into the thick of it. Here are the tags and links to all involved:

Purpose 1/2 Soul: @disruptivevoib (Me. Lol.)

Being 1/2 Soul: @calamarispider (Kai)

Pursuit 1/2 Heart: @agent-8449 (Agent)

Texel 1/2 Heart: @rosy-fox-art (Rosy)

Function 1/2 Mind: @jesterberries (Oswin)

Morality 1/2 Mind: @shxwrunner (Andy)

The Ever Impossible Whole: @kelpo-art (Francey)

Here's the premise, just before the cut for all your "I don't want to read this long ass post" needs:

The base concept for Labyrinths is: what if HMS' Psyche and loop was split into three phases? Each being some kind of maze? The first phase would be closest to the original Album loop, however, throughout it Heart, Mind, and Soul would split themselves into halves. Their splits would result from their own dissonance between the internal and external of themselves.

These halves would then move on to the second phase, where they must then attempt to become themselves again before being able to enter the third phase, the one which leads to the center, to the beacon, to Whole.

Elaborate, fary more in-depth explanation below the cut alongside designs and a lot of art:

The Loop, or Phases 1-3 In-depth

Phase 1 begins as the album does. Whole splits down into three, the concepts of his emotion, rationale, and self. When Mind is first shot, he splits between Morality and Function.

Morality is the "Internal Factor" of Mind, he is the conscience, what is deemed wrong and right by the standards of his assumption. He is perfectionism but in a manner which will not hurt someone else. He is where most of Mind's "emotion" goes. Though Function is entirely capable of bias, Morality is VERY prone to bias. He is belief. Function is the "External Factor" of Mind. He the pure, factual logic. The things you cannot refute. What is known, what must happen, how something works. He is immoral, he is uncaring, he is weighing his options in only what is most logical, most beneficial.

Phase 1 continues into the Pit, where Heart becomes Pursuit and Texel.

Texel is the "Prey". In concepting, Rosy named him after a type of sheep. He is the "Internal Factor" of Heart and a manifest of Heart's depression, fears. The flight to Pursuit's fight. He is still very much a wolf in sheep's clothing, being able to grasp onto others and pull them down with him as much as himself. He is the smothering and drowning part of emotion. Pursuit is the "Predator". He is the "External Factor" of Heart. He is the repression, the ignorance, the end of "Good Day". Pursuit also embodies the violence, however. The big energetic emotion opposing Texel's heavier, tired emotion. Pursuit is the Passion, the movement. Texel is stagnation. Both of them are very much capable of Heart's common self-victimization.

Finally, Soul cannot quite take this, and where Soul Eclectic would be, is his split into Being and Purpose.

Being is that personhood within Soul. The vying to be someone without needing to be Whole. He is the depression, the rage, the exhaustion, the human you're being!! There he is.. and he is very tired. Being is kind of just a guy, but he is also.. very much prone to the ideation of death as a source of escapism, especially from everyone else in the Psyche. Purpose is the tool. The need to be Whole, to fit in, to be normal, to be happy, to be safe. He is self-preservation, he is the knowledge that they have to be something more than what they are, they should be human and they cannot be as much like this. He embodies what it means to be the mask. To hide behind being a functional person.. and yet, without Being, is the least human of them all.

Phase 2 begins after this, with the middle most maze, where the six of them now must reconcile with themselves first. Most, however, regard their other half as the weaker one, or the evil one. The one that must be purged in order to continue.

And they can continue by killing them all, however, Whole won't ever be possible. The right way is to accept the truths on both sides. Their flaws and their importance.

Does that ever happen? It's hard to say. But if it does, Phase 3 happens.

The Innermost maze has a tower that is visible even from Phase 2. There, Whole sits and waits. He is a beacon of light, and a shell of someone, a black hole that projects all its light outward but has none for itself.

----

On to Designs.

Initially, as original creator of the AU, I had ideas for everyone except Mind. I knew his half/half face would be swapped, but I wasn't sure how else to differentiate the two.

As for Soul and Heart, I had concepts for both of them.

First, Purpose and Being.

Purpose embodies the mask, and thus became a little "Horror Movie Serial Killer" esque in vibe. After all, everything human within him has been taken and put into Being. He is neatly put together, hair slicked back. It is all curated, and it is all an effort to seem like somebody when he is nearly nobody.

Being has imperfections. His shirt is only half tucked in, his hair is not as slicked back, being able to fall more naturally. He also has the eyeliner I normally put only on Soul's left side. Far more.. guy looking!

Kai and I pretty much stuck to these designs! Following is Purpose's official colored ref, and Kai's art of Being.

The only BIg change was that Being has higher heels and also wears the noose, which is the part of Whole he very much exemplifies, as a belt.

Speaking of, the Trident belongs to Purpose here too! The trident is able to disrupt each halves special ability, as neither Soul is immortal or has high regenerative healing like Mind or Heart. The Souls are squishy. Purpose's trident is very helpful for putting his Ids in line!

Now on to Pursuit and Texel, who were originally just "Predator" and "Prey"

Originally, both Heart's had one half of Whole-Heart's wings and also had a sort of inky/shadowy manifestations of what they embodied. Prey had hands and the shadow of a slinking figure holding onto him, grasping at and pulling him down or grabbing at others. He also had the ball and chain which made him slower, made him trapped. Despite this, his clothing is comfier, wearing sweats, a hoodie and socks. His hair was longer too.

Both had the blindfold, as well.

Predator had the shadowy claws which wrapped around his lower arm like gloves and fizzled off in a billowing cloud-like way. His clothing is still comfortable but much less loose. He wears baggier pants, foot wraps, hand wraps (visible without the shadow) and a loose long-sleeves shirt. His hair is also shorter.

Agent and Rosy took these ideas and expanded upon or changed them up. Both Texel and Pursuit are very different from the original concepts. All art of Pursuit belongs to Agent, all art of Texel belongs to Rosy.

Pursuit retained his comfy but tighter clothing style, but lost the shadow hands, instead gaining an adaptivity ability. He is VERY cat coded, and he is very much the kind of cat that bites you and holds your hand so you do not move and stop giving it attention. He is a menace to society, I would not have him any other way. Lethal weapon motherfucker... scared cat..

Texel retained his shadows! But he gained hooves.. truly becoming the sheep. He also gained the ability to be entirely consumed by the shadows as self defense. Both giving into his fear and self-victimization but also projecting those horrors outward. Denial keeps you safe and hurts everyone else trying to help.

The Minds.. Like I said, I never sketched anything substantial for them, so we will go straight into Oswin and Andy's designs! Oswin drew everything for Function, Andy drew everything for Morality.

Morality is closer to a purple, which is indicative maybe, of how much he feels. As well, he has a white eye and his source is on the non void part of his face! His hair is down and more relaxed. Overall, actually, Morality's design portrays him as more casual. Morality is.. electric. He has a defensive mechanism of being electrical fencing wire and zapping anyone who touches him.

Function is the opposite, with a black eye and glowing teal pupil. His source is on the right. He wears a button up and his hair is higher, more put together and "formal". Function is capable of changing smaller parts of the maze at a time. From the wallpaper and flooring, to shifting walls around in order to escape the others or find them.

Whole had no concept design from me either, esp bc I did not initially include him in the au, however in development, he came to be! and thus... Francey drew the blackhole man himself :)

Other Drawings

Here are some more drawings of everyone! Most from Agent and Kai who went bonkers... I really REALLY love all this art. So much.

Here is Agent's art of everyone. The first one includes some titles for each of them Agent made :]

Here are also some 2/3rd or more like 2/6th Wholes Agent drew. I won't specify who is who. You can guess.

Aaand, Labyrinth Heart too :]c

Here is a drawing I did of 2/6th with Purpose and Function. He didn't get a name, I'm not cool and creative like Agent with that. Also next to it is my art of Labyrinths Soul.

Also my concept for the Six-Pronged trident.

Here is a bunch of art Kai did too. :]c

First up is everyone in Kai's style!

Next is Being in the maze :]

Also... Oswin's meme videos. Which are very important. But I can only upload one.. so have this one.

Volume Warning though!!

AND... And I think thats it! Actually.. There are a LOT more doodles but this post is long and I am terrified it won't save.

So! \o/ I am happy to answer any other questions about Labyrinths as well, I am sure the others would be too. But don't let me speak for them... Though maybe check the replies here for any notes from them. I know I've missed something.

[ggomos-maribat]

6 | lost

Part 6 of Marinette Dupain-Cheng is Dead | Masterlist

CW: Depressive thoughts

After Alfred's badgering, Bruce finally retreated from the dark confines of the Batcave and brought his work up to the manor's dining room. The stack of papers rustled as he spread them on the wooden surface, and his laptop lit up again with the dust on the screen more evident in the light. Bruce rolled up his sleeves and began to read again.

In entered Duke.

"Hey B. Coffee?" His second youngest offered.

"A cup please, Duke. Thank you," said Bruce without looking up.

"What's that?"

Bruce let himself lean back a little. Perhaps Duke could give his thoughts on his search? "Remember the akumas from Paris?" He stretched his arms. "After Hawkmoth's defeat, the two heroes Ladybug and Chat Noir disappeared from the public's eye without prior notice. The League tried to track them down for a short while, but we came up with nothing."

"Why do you need to find them?" Duke quizzed.

Bruce stared at the photos of two blurs: one in red, one in black. It was no mistake that the two heroes had been on the younger side when they first started, and yet they lasted through the long battle with a terrorist. "Firstly, we barely know anything about the Miraculous and Hawkmoth's actual motives. Ladybug did announce that Hawkmoth had been caught and promised that he would be facing consequences, but she denied everyone of any other information. Secondly, we want to be allies with them, or associates at least."

Bruce heard the clinking of metal to ceramic as Duke stirred the drinks. "It's not the first time a set of magical powers are hidden away to protect those powers, right?"

"Right." Bruce nodded. "Our problem with the Paris situation is that it happened under our noses for years, and we hadn't caught on until it was over. We want to keep the same thing from happening again."

It's mostly regret. Guilt, Bruce wanted to say. It was too late when we noticed an entire city suffering. The things they dealt with were in the levels of world threats. He remembered waking up to the news that shook the entire world, not having time to register it since the Justice League needed to take immediate action.

"Is that the same thing Dick's going crazy about since he came back here?" Duke set down the cups on the table, pulling a seat for himself beside Bruce.

"It's a different but not completely unrelated issue," Bruce replied. He was also hoping some clue from the case would turn up for the benefit of his search. It was partly the reason he let Tim and Jason go to Paris.

"Hm. Any leads from Constantine?"

"Only chunks of indecipherable texts related to the Miraculi." Bruce showed him a picture of the strange symbols from a book called 'the Grimoire'. "He's convinced that the current Guardian of the Miraculous is Ladybug herself."

"What about Aunt Diana?"

"Her mother has had prior connections with the Ladybug Miraculous before, but they lost contact a long time ago. Diana's helping with my search as well."

"Sounds like a dead end." Duke sipped on his drink.

"It's not strictly an urgent case, but it's important nonetheless." Bruce skimmed over his notes. "Even with the thousands of photos of Ladybug and Chat Noir, the Miraculous Magic is able to hide their real identities very well and no existing accounts of a civilian contact exist. Well, briefly there was one about Lilia Ross, but she denied it after a while."

"What if you retrace the heroes' steps and try to figure out Hawkmoth's identity instead? If the heroes found him out, maybe that's an easier angle," Duke suggested.

It's a good strategy. But how far will it actually take the search?

"Thank you, Duke," Bruce cleared his throat. "I'll give Tim a call."

***

Meanwhile, deep under the manor, Damian strolled into the cave to find Dick finishing the call with their brother. The youngest Wayne took a seat in front of him. "What did you tell Drake?"

"I asked them to ask Adrien Agreste about his cousin, Felix Fathom," Dick answered. "He was in Paris on the day Marinette was found."

"Are you suspecting him for murder?"

"What? No," Dick said, "I'm just considering him to be someone with information, since he has been involved with Hawkmoth and akumas before."

". . . And what does that have to do with her death?"

"It's all part of Tim's theory, that maybe Hawkmoth was targeting Marinette. Felix had a lot of trips to Paris at the time with unclear purposes. Sure, we can say he's just there to visit Adrien but the timing is off."

Damian raised an eyebrow. "Would he not be comforting his cousin because Adrien lost a friend?"

"Call it a hunch, okay? It's a lead . . . aha!"

Dick held his breath—he'd just received a response from Barbara, from a request he made for the investigation. She was able to dig up the lost evidence and compile the translated file and send it to him. Oracle, you're a godsend, Dick praised.

"What's that?" Damian asked.

"I snooped around in the digital archives of the investigation team at that time." He anxiously tapped on the tablet, and sent the file to the Batcomputer for viewing. "Turns out they lost file of a key evidence to Marinette's death: her diary. The original copy went missing from the office some time ago."

The screen showed scanned pages of the diary—the words were written on lined pages in Marinette's neat handwriting, and the shape of the paper was somewhat curved. On the side of the photo was the re-typed French text, and then the translated English. The first entry was dated about three years before her death. Dick scrolled down to the last page and found that the last entry was on April fifteenth, just before her body was found by the bridge.

"Why didn't you tell Todd and Drake about this?" Damian leaned on the table to get a good look at the entry.

"I want to put together my findings here before I tell them." Dick sighed in frustration. "I really should've went to Paris too."

I have no choice but to help with the investigation from afar. He slowly and carefully read through the last entry, guessing that it should give them the most clues about her death.

15 April

These days I've been feeling 'free'. T says it's because I've been liberated at last and I've only begun feeling it now. I don't know if it's supposed to be like this. Maybe it's my way of adjusting to something new. Yes, it's a big leap, I know, but T will be there for me. T's strangely very optimistic about it. Years ago I wouldn't have thought that this will be the person I'll be. I guess time passes faster when you're older?

Dick stopped reading. Her writing is unexpectedly . . . heavy. It was like she'd already seen so much horrors in her life. He almost felt like an intruder in her thoughts.

He forced himself to keep reading.

'Freedom' feels a bit empty? Or lonely? T says it's the trauma. Adrien says that emptiness will get filled in soon. Apparently, it's the same thing he felt when his mother disappeared. If this is exactly it, I want to go back in time and comfort the younger Adrien. Maybe if you stay too long in chaos, you get used to it and find the calm strange. I hope that turns around for me soon.

The words cut off at that part.

"That's it?" Dick blinked a few times. "That's the end of it?"

"T . . . This 'T' person," Damian thought out loud. "There isn't anyone close to Marinette whose name starts with 'T', except for her father." He took over briefly and scrolled through the other pages. "But in other entries she only refers to her father as 'papa'."

"It could be 'T' for Kagami Tsurugi but the entries started way before they met," Dick added, "Also, she refers to Kagami as just 'Kagami' here, it looks like."

"So this person is another confidant of Marinette's that her friends and family likely had no idea about, and could be involved in her death."

"Assisted suicide? Is this why the police declared it a suicide?"

"It's not exactly a suicide note," Damian crossed his arms. "No farewell, or mentions of leaving possessions behind . . . If anything, it seems like she was actually hopeful for recovery, maybe from the emotional distress caused by Hawkmoth's actions in Paris."

Did we actually end up with more questions than answers? Dick wondered.

"Tim said something about Lilia Ross' transfer to their school having an effect on her that time. Let's see . . . " Dick skimmed through the entries to find a handful written a few years back:

8 November

They left me alone  in downtown Gotham.

I can't believe they'd do that. I told them I had to fill out some forms in the museum and...they got on the bus without me. I wish Adrien were here. I had to ask help from the front desk and they kindly got a taxi for me back to the hotel. What is Bustier thinking? Will anyone be on my side if I speak up about it?

No.

Probably not.

It will be more of a burden if I do. I keep telling T I'll be fine. I just have to get through one more day and we'll be back in Paris soon. Someday I'll visit Gotham on my own again and dispel these bad memories.

"What the fuck?" Dick whispered. Even if the class or Lilia Ross had nothing to do with her death, this proved that they weren't faultless either. How could this have happened without anyone from WE noticing? Who the hell leaves a teenager alone in an unfamiliar crime-ridden city?

"Grayson," Damian snapped him back to reality.

He sighed and switched to another entry.

13 May

T says I have to go to bed but I almost forgot to write here. Nothing new happened today but my body feels so heavy. If I try to rest I either can't fall asleep or I end up dreading the days to come in my dreams  nightmares. Hawkmoth has been getting ruthless each week, it's crazy. Why can't he just stop? How much do we have to give him? Yesterday I had to fend off a butterfly. Then the day before that. Then the day before that. Then the month before. I don't know what to do.

Is being brave something inherent or does it come after I face my fears? T says I look brave. I don't feel like it though. Each risk I take, I actually get very scared. I'm not actually sure what would happen. I might look confident but I'm not. I wonder what everyone would think if they found that out about me. What would they say? Will they sympathize with me or will they refuse to believe it?

21 July

I'm happy to have Adrien to talk to now. I know he still has his hands tied, but it's getting easier to talk to him since last week. We both told each other that it had been a huge weight off our backs. This feels too good to be true. The younger me would've been ecstatic. I'm ecstatic now too, but for different reasons. I hugged Adrien very tightly this morning and told him 'thank you'. He hugged me back and whispered more 'thank yous'. It was sudden but we both knew what it was for. T helped me wipe my tears after.

Things are going to change from now on. Is it bad that I feel ready to face those changes because I have Adrien on my side now? I used to think he put too much faith in me before. No, even now. I used to be scared I won't live up to his perfect image of me. But now his trust is something I really need. I'll put my faith in him too.

How can her words be so vulnerable but so secretive at the same time? Marinette didn't seem to be straightforward in her writing, and yet she completely conveyed her thoughts and feelings. How much more do we have to read to get a clearer picture?

"This mystery person is strange," Damian concluded, "Our best chance at figuring their identity is to ask Agreste."

Dick nodded in agreement. "Looks like he has the most answers right now. It says she was almost akumatized multiple times too, which supports Tim's theory."

"Wasn't Hawkmoth caught before her death?"

"He might still have other ways," Dick considered. "Ladybug never clarified what exactly happened to him. How was he punished? Imprisonment? Weird magic ritual? Death? We don't know."

His phone suddenly buzzed at the same time that a notification appeared on the computer.

Another Lilia Ross scandal has blown up.

***

The first few rumors were matches being lit, and the one that assumed Lilia Ross to be a killer started a forest fire. This one was gasoline, Tim thought. Just as the internet was getting quiet, posts showed up again, this time attacking Lilia's company.

"So, someone saw pictures of Marinette's old clothes designs that she submitted for competitions," Tim recapped, while Jason listened beside him and Dick and Damian watched from the screen. "And compared them to Lilia Ross' current brand's designs. They look like carbon copies, but with just a few tweaks. Now Lilia's being accused as a thief. Others are saying more of the designs were stolen by Lilia, based on the accounts of their old schoolmates."

"It should be recounted in her diary if there was theft," Damian chimed in.

"Diary, what diary?" Jason asked.

The screen pinged, receiving an encrypted file from Dick. "Babs found a digital copy of her diary that the police used to keep, but the original one went missing. There's a lot of things here, including accounts of what Lila did and said in their class."

"There. February first," Dick pointed out as soon as Jason scrolled to it on their screen.

1 February

My missing sketchbook returned to me in my locker. There were tears on the paper and burn marks and liquid stains and pages ripped out and pages crossed over with a black marker. It was one of the first sketchbooks I've ever completed and it's full of draft designs. How do I prove it's Lila's fault? I knew I shouldn't have left my bag in the room for that short while. I knew I shouldn't have brought it to school.

I want to throw it out.

T says I should keep it, and use it to finally shed the truth on her.

But what evidence do I have? Is this enough to make her face the consequences?

I locked it away under my bed. Whatever. I'll fill up another sketchbook. I'll remake the designs. If Lila sees me crying over it, she wins. If the world sees me crying, Hawkmoth wins. If I fight back, they get the upper hand anyway. I just have to be more careful next time. It was just hard not to let my emotions spill when I found it. Lila was nearby waiting for my reaction earlier, I know it. She seemed proud of what she had done.

"What the fuck?" Jason seethed, "She stole her designs!"

Tim's lips drew into a thin line. Was this what Marinette had been feeling the whole time? He couldn't imagine it . . . the suppressed emotions, the feelings of helplessness, the manipulation. She readily gave up.

"Who's 'T'?" Tim brought up the other point about the diary entry nagging at him.

"Some friend of Marinette's who's always mentioned in this diary," Damian replied, "They seem to be very close."

"Does that ring a bell for you?" Dick leaned in.

"No, not at all. Is it a codename? An online friend maybe?"

"Based on this diary, T is always close to her, like, physically."

"Is it . . . a psychological thing?" Jason said softly.

"I wouldn't immediately conclude that." It was already in Tim's jumbled thoughts—a guess. A wild guess. "With the Miraculi in Paris . . . " He sucked in a breath. "Fuck. Ladybug's kwami's name was . . ."

The others seemed to realize it too at that second.

A muffled buzz rang out.

"I got a message," Dick suddenly said, frowning. "It's Babs. She says she found who ordered the investigation to be closed."

"Who?"

"Adrien . . . it was Adrien Agreste." 

Taglist: @hammalammadamdam @toodaloo-kangaroo@missmadwoman@afanofmanyships@atomicherringpersonjudge-blog@wheredostarsgowhenyoudie

[cursedvibes]

what are your thoughts on the new jjk chapter?

I think it's pretty good. Definitely the most interesting one we've had for a while. I really missed actually being invested in leaks and reading the raws (as far as that's possible), coming up with theories etc. I have to say, I would prefer it if Yuuji and Sukuna were not related at all, but I think the uncle/nephew thing is way more interesting than having them be twins or Yuuji being the reincarnation of some ancient guy we don't know. With Jin it's a bit convoluted, but I like that it gives him a more personal connection to Kenjaku and a reason to work with them. Makes him a bit more sinister too, if he remembers who he is and was willingly going along with Kenjaku's plan for his own benefit. He was always a bit fucked up and creepy in my eyes, the way he looked at Yuuji in that flashback seemed quite a bit obsessive, not like a doting father. I'm really curious about more details on this. The relationships between Jin, Kenjaku, Wasuke and Kaori and consequently their different intentions for Yuuji have become a lot more tricky now. I wonder how Kaori fits into all this. Smells a lot like set-up for future Heian era and/or Itadori family flashbacks.

It also confirms a lot of theories about Sukuna's origin. He absorbed his twin, which explains his physique and he achieved more power through it. Besides that, I think Kenjaku being Sukuna's sister-in-law is genius lol

So, beginning of the chapter really nice. The rest...hm...well, I said that I have mixed feelings about this relation of Yuuji to Sukuna and that's mostly because I don't like him gaining Sukuna's cursed technique, although it is nice that there's at least a personal touch to it. It still seems pretty cheesy and cliche. Thank god the main character got his power-up. I also don't see this being all that necessary at the moment? Most of the damage comes from the Black Flashes + Soul Punches. I don't feel like Yuuji needed to be able to do this to get the edge over Sukuna. Feels completely unnecessary to me. The "surpassing" Sukuna was also... eh. It's not important that Yuuji is more powerful than him, he was already way above Sukuna mentally and spiritually and he was beating him up just fine too.

Might be a setup for Yuuji doing something else with Sukuna's technique that relates to the black box. Speaking of which, it's strange that this entire fight since Gojo's death all Sukuna does is spam Cleave and Dismantle, no other functions of his technique. Maybe he'll do that now. If not now, then when? While he's at it, he can also start the merger to take advantage of the chaos. I'm glad we are finally past the formulaic part of the fight (I hope). Only took us 30 chapters... now things are shaking up and become a bit more unpredictable again. Hopefully this will lead to some flashbacks and more reveals of Yuuji and Sukuna's backstories. Megumi should've woken up now too. Hard to miss Yuuji rattling his cage this much, even if you're depressed. I'm surprised we haven't seen him yet or that Yuuji made contact again during one of his Black Flashes, but maybe next chapter.

Despite some of my complaints, it's nice to be finally excited for a new chapter again. Let's see how Gege keeps it up.

[delicateflowerss]

Dark but Just a Game (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

When Rafe Cameron has something you need, you'll do anything to get it. Except with Rafe, it's never that simple. He knows how to play a game, especially when his opponent has no idea they were playing one to begin with.

Warnings: 18+, DUB-CON, smut, dark!Rafe, kook!reader, drugs, drug addiction, oral (male receiving), spanking, degradation, underage drinking

You feel older than you really are.

Loud laughter from a table near you forces you to look over. At least someone is having fun.

You should be at a party with people your own age, enjoying the hot, summer night. Instead, you’re surrounded by the older Kook generations, people your parents are friends with.

You can hear the faint sound of the waves crashing behind you as you mindlessly play with the straw in your drink. You’re on your second Mai Tai, almost ready for your third. The bartender being the only human interaction you’ve had tonight.

That’s kind of depressing for a Friday night.

You turn on your phone, the only notification is a text you haven’t answered from your best friend. She got to go to Europe for the summer.

You didn’t think returning home for a few months would be this difficult, or this lonely. You don’t know how your summer could get any worse.

A thud on the bar counter makes your head snap up.

You spoke too soon.

He spits his order to the bartender before moving his eyes to you.

He looks you up and down, not even trying to hide how his stare lingers at certain parts of your body. It takes everything in you not to throw the rest of your drink at him.

“What’re you doing here? All by yourself,” he says while taking a seat on the stool next to you. He rests his elbow on the bar, keeping his heavy-lidded eyes on you.

“Hi, Rafe. How are you?” You ignore his attempt at flirting.

“Fine. Where you going to school again? Colorado or some shit?” There’s a slight slur to his words.

“Arizona.”

“Hm. Pretty far.”

Not far enough.

You watch as Rafe moves his attention to the drink put in front of him. You notice there’s a messiness to his overall appearance. His hair’s a bit tousled and the first few buttons of his shirt are undone.

You move your gaze once he sets down his glass.

You always thought it was such a shame that Rafe is so attractive. It was the seventh grade when you first had a class with him. Well maybe besides kindergarten, your memory not going that far back. You remember staring at him, feeling those inklings of a crush.

Then he started talking, the crush gone before it even began.

He got more good-looking as he got older while his other attributes got worse. He got meaner, more arrogant, and all together, a real asshole.

You tried your hardest to stay away from him.

“So, you’re back for the summer. Wouldn’t you want to be doing something better with your time than sitting at the Island Club bar?”

“I like being alone.”

That’s a lie.

He breathes out a laugh, bringing his cup to his mouth again. A smirk is on his lips when he brings it out down.

“Nah. Not you.”

You really want to punch him.

“What about you? Don’t you have some party to go to?”

Don’t you want to go take advantage of some drunk girl at said party?

“Not tonight. Wanted something more chill.”

You do find it odd that Rafe is spending his time here on a Friday night. But the way he’s downing his drink tells you he’s not drinking for fun, rather to forget.

You’ve already finished your Mai Tai, ready to get away from whatever this conversation is.

“You know, if you’re looking for something to do, I can help you out. We could have a good time.”

You try to hide how disgusted you are, swallowing down the nausea, but you’re not sure if you’re succeeding.

You give him a tight-lipped smile as you grab your purse.

“I have to get going,” you say as you put down a fifty-dollar bill on the bar.

“Hope I see you again before the summer’s over,” he says into his glass.

You’ve already started walking away, murmuring to yourself how you hope you never see him again.

You walk into the air conditioning, finding the restroom.

You look around, checking if the stalls are empty. The only noise is the cheesy music playing through the speakers.

You take out a small plastic bag from your purse, pouring the white powder onto the back of your hand. You breathe it in, sniffling and wiping your nose.

Fuck, that’s the rest.

You definitely needed that, even if it means you’re out now.

When you hear the door creak open, you forgo looking in the mirror, not wanting to look suspicious.

You step into the dark of the parking lot, your mind in ten different places at once. Your body slams into something hard, the impact hurting you more than you’d like to admit.

You didn’t see the figure in front of you.

“Woah, you okay?”

His hands are gripping your shoulders, holding you still. Those blue eyes are back on you, you don’t like the feeling of his hands on you.

Squirming out of his hold, you say that you’re fine.

He focuses on a part of your face, his brows furrowing.

“You have a little something…” He brushes his nose with his fingers.

Gasping, your fingers rush to your nose, wiping off the remnants of your worst habit.

“Thanks.”

Your face is hot with embarrassment. You don’t really care what Rafe thinks, but you try to keep your reliance on drugs as much of a secret as possible.

“It’s no problem.”

You try saying bye again, motioning towards your car. But he says it first.

“See you around, yeah?”

You agree meekly as you walk away.

You don’t notice him staring at you as you drive away.

“I’m all out.”

“What do you mean? How do you just run out?”

You stare at the man in front of you, bewildered. You stand in the run-down trailer, arms crossed.

“I mean I’m out. I haven’t gotten my new shipment yet. Just give me a couple days.”

“I can’t wait a couple days, Barry,” you whine.

After you ran out last night, the first thing you did after breakfast was make the drive to Barry’s. He’s been your dealer since you got back to the Outer Banks.

“Now, I know you rich people are used to getting whatever you want, whenever you want it. But I mean it. I just sold the last of it.”

“How reliable,” you scoff.

“Hey, none of that attitude here, princess!”

You roll your eyes at Barry’s loud voice and light scolding.

“If you really need a fix that badly, I have someone selling,” he continues. He came here just this morning.”

You perk up at this, knowing you’ll crawl to whatever depths just to get a bump.

“You might know him. He sells on that part of the island.”

“Who is it?” You try not to sound so eager, but you can’t help it.

Your face falls before Barry can finish saying his name.

Rafe Cameron.

The only other person on this goddamn island that’s selling. Your hopes and dreams have been crushed.

“Thanks for nothing,” you grumble.

“Be a little more grateful, princess,” he calls after you as you the door slams behind you.

You’ve tried to distract yourself all day, jumping from one thing to another. Nothing being able to take your mind off wanting that fix. You pace around your room, trying to think of anything but having to go to Rafe of all people. After last night, you really hoped you would never have to see him again.

Now 24 hours later, and you’re being forced to look at that stupid, smug face of his again. You could keep your dignity and go through hell for the next couple days. Or you could put it aside to get what you want.

It can’t be that bad, you decide. All you have to do is give him some money and get away from him as fast as you can.

After asking around and looking at various Instagram stories, you find out where the big party of the night is being held, and where Rafe should be.

You pull up to the crowded mansion, parking your car haphazardly, wanting to get in and out as quickly as possible.

The amount of people leaves you slightly disoriented, but you push through the crowds. Your shoulder bumps into someone else’s and you don’t stop to say sorry.

You expected him to be surrounded by people, coke laid out on the table in front of him, counting the bills that were being handed to him.

So, you’re surprised to find him alone.

He’s sitting outside, a red cup in his hand. You take a deep breath before stepping out into the humid air. The door closing gets his attention, your eyes meeting his.

You’re alone with him, no one else out here but you two. The thought twists your stomach, but you push the feeling down.

You shift your weight, unsure of what to say. The dialogue you rehearsed in your car has vanished. How exactly do you ask Rafe Cameron if he has any coke?

Sensing your nervousness, he stands up and walks closer to you. The breeze ruffles his hair as his gaze stays on you.

He says your name like a question, not understanding why you’re standing before him.

“Rafe, um…” You tuck your lip under your teeth, trailing off.

“Is everything alright?” Your eyes go back to his face, trying to catch if his expression matches the genuine concern in his voice.

It does.

“Barry told me that you might have something I need,” you say this slowly, phrasing it more like a question.

He acts like you told him a joke, scratching the back of his head as his lips move into a slight smirk.

It’s gone as soon as it’s there.

“If you had gotten here an hour ago, I could’ve helped you out.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Sorry.”

Your lips part, taking in what he’s saying.

“Are you saying you’re all out?” Your voice is getting higher, upset that this is happening again. Maybe you’re just unlucky.

“Pretty much.”

You squint at his vague answer.

“Pretty much you’re all out? So, does that mean you still have some?”

He sighs loudly, looking to the ground before meeting your eyes again.

“Look, I only have enough for myself, alright?” His voice is quieter like he’s telling you a secret. But you notice the slight annoyance seeping in.

“How much do you need for yourself?”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m not selling.”

You’ve never been a patient person, but the urge to scream has never felt so strong before.

“Rafe,” you harshly breathe out. “I have money. I’ll give you more than I should.” You take your wallet out, counting the twenty-dollar bills. “One hundred? Two hundred? Whatever you want.” You show him the green bills, hoping that will sway him.

He keeps his eyes firmly on you, his mouth in a straight line. All he does is shake his head.

You huff in defeat, stuffing the cash back into your wallet. You’re out of options. You can feel the tears beginning to fill your eyes. You had never realized how much you relied on this one thing to make you feel okay. Better than okay. You need it, and you’ll do anything for it.

You were hoping that you would leave here with your dignity still intact, but you’re left with no choice. Your only option is to beg.

You barely even think about it as you wrap your fingers around his arm. It feels odd touching him, to be this close to him again.

You can still feel his rough touches on your skin.

“Rafe.” Your voice cracks around his name. “Please.”

He can see the unshed tears in your eyes, threatening to spill over. He notices how your voice breaks before him, and he loves it.

You swallow before saying the words you don’t want to.

“I’ll do anything you want.”

You can see something shift in the blue of his eyes, a darkness rolling over his gaze. He licks his bottom lip before speaking. “You mean that?”

You take your hand away from him, just giving him a slight nod. You’re too ashamed to say anything or to look at him longer than a couple seconds.

He steps even closer to you, making your breath hitch at his closeness. His nose almost brushes yours.

“I think you know what I want.” He pauses, checking for a reaction. “Are you gonna give me that?”

His stare is almost predatory, the same as that night. It’s the look you’ve wanted to forget, making you go from disliking Rafe Cameron to never wanting anything to do with him again.

“You gonna give all of you, for me to take? To do whatever I want with?”

That night swirls in your head as you go up the stairs with Rafe, his hand clasping yours. You try to steady your breathing, but you can’t get the memory out of your head.

It was a party just like this one. One of the last for the summer, before you were off to college for your freshman year. You only had alcohol in your system, your addiction being something waiting in your future. This was one of the last times you would ever be with all of your friends, so you tried making the most of it. But as the night got later, Rafe wouldn’t leave you alone.

His presence was suffocating in the already warm house. It started with him whispering in your ear, about how hot you were and how much he wanted to take you somewhere and fuck you over and over again.

You let him kiss you, his lips harsh on yours. Your intoxicated mind helping you make a dumb decision. But as he started to grab you, wanting to take your clothes off. You pushed him away, not wanting to go that far.

There was a moment where you thought he was going to keep going, anger taking over his gaze.

But he backed off, but not without calling you a bitch.

That was the last time you saw Rafe before last night. Now here you are, willingly giving yourself to him. You drag your eyes around the bedroom. You suspect it’s a guest room, the decorating lacking personality. It’s quieter, the music from downstairs muffled now.

Too busy looking at your surroundings, you barely notice Rafe already sitting on the edge of the bed, silently waiting for you.

The sickening smirk on his face makes you second guess yourself. He’s finally getting what he wants. How exactly did that work out?

His voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

“C’mere.”

You stand in front of him. No easily discernible look on your face, just your mind loud with you figuring out what missteps got you here.

At least he’s hot.

He grabs one of your hands, moving it to his clothed cock. Your knees thud against the bed. He’s already hard. You brush your fingers against him as he grabs your tit, squeezing it through your shirt.

“Get on your knees,” his demand slicing through the tension.

You listen to him, the only cushion for your knees is the plush carpet.

He hooks a finger under your chin, forcing you to look at him. Until now, you liked the sweet idea that sex was pure and something between two people who liked each other in some way or another. But as you look in Rafe’s eyes, you know that’s not true. This isn’t just about him getting off, he wants to prove something to you. That you can say no to him all you want, but he has all the power here.

He runs his thumb across your bottom lip before speaking in a low, raspy voice.

“I want to see your pretty lips wrapped around my cock.”

You start to unzip his pants, taking him out as he pushes his thumb into your mouth. You swirl your tongue around it as he pushes it as far as it can go. He laughs as you almost gag. He leaves a string of spit on your chin before putting his hand to the back of your head, fingers threading in your hair. You move your attention to his leaking cock.

You’ve heard stories from friends, but it’s still a bit shocking to see how big he is.

You wrap your fingers around it, pumping it a few times before licking the side of him. You can hear the sighs coming from his lips. You move your tongue around his tip, tasting the salty precum.

“You’re teasing me, baby.” You try not to roll your eyes at the pet name.

He moves your hair out of your face as you put him down your throat. You take as much of him as you can, gagging when he hits the back of your throat. You continue to bob your head, his cock going down your throat over and over again. After a bit, he tugs on your hair, moving your head up.

He scans your face through half-closed eyes, drool drips from your chin and tears have started to make their way down your cheeks.

You can see the smirk grow on his pink lips, wiping the tears off with a swipe of his thumb.

“Was that too much for you?” He asks against your lips, bringing you into a kiss.

He doesn’t kiss you as roughly as he did that one night, knowing you can’t get away from him now. He licks inside your mouth as he brings you onto the bed with him. He sheds his clothes before helping you with yours. You lie bare in front of him, and all you want to do is cover up from his roaming eyes. Sucking his dick is one thing, but now you’re going to let him fuck you.

He can see the slick on your thighs as he gets on top of you.

“Did sucking my cock make you that wet?” He asks, laughing. “I knew you were into me.” He puts his lips around one of your nipples, tongue swirling around it. His hand grabs the other one, putting the nipple between two of his fingers, toying with it.

A whimper escapes your throat as you try to get some friction. Moving against him, aching for him to touch you or fuck you.

He moves his attention away from your tits, harshly grabbing your thigh to get the right angle, lining himself up to your wet cunt.

He pushes right in, almost bottoming out.

“Rafe,” you cry.

“Shh, relax,” he says out of breath.

He ruts into you, hips against yours. His thick cock stretches you out, the feeling being almost too much for you to handle. You’ve never felt this full before, feeling like he’s in your belly.

He brings his lips to your face, kissing the corner of your mouth before brushing them against your cheek. He brings them to your ear and whispers between groans, “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to do this. To see you crying and squirming just for me.”

His words conflict you, knowing how you fell right into his trap, giving him exactly what he wants. The pleasure you feel betrays you, the moans falling from your lips.

He turns you over, snaking an arm under your stomach. He keeps you against him, pounding into you. You’re on your hands and knees, the sound of his brutal pace echoes throughout the room. You’re close, he hits the right spot in you.

His hand meets your ass cheek, making you yelp. He soothes the stinging with a rub of his palm. You feel like every fiber of your being is on fire.

“You’re such a whore. Giving yourself up for some coke. Pretty pathetic if you ask me.”

His hand comes down again, slapping the skin. It’s definitely going to leave a mark.

You can feel his hips start to stutter, his pace getting sloppier.

You can’t believe he’s going to make you come, even after those demeaning words left his mouth. You’re never going to live this down.

He brings a finger to your clit, rubbing it softly. That’s all you need to push you over the edge.

His moans have gotten louder. He twitches inside you, coating your walls with his cum.

You feel like collapsing, almost doing so, but Rafe’s arm holds you up.

He lets you down softly, before getting up. You hear him fumbling with something, but you don’t move your head to look at him.

“Hold still,” he tells you.

You feel him pour a bit of powder on to your bruising cheek. That’s when you move your head.

“Hey, don’t move,” he reminds you.

You stare at the tiny bag in his hand, it’s almost completely full. You don’t believe what you’re seeing.

He’s made a few little white lines and he goes down to snort each one. You watch him, not being able to push down your envy.

He sniffs, rubbing his nose.

“Good girl,” he says as he pats your cheek. You wince a little, the skin still hurting.

You move into a sitting position, still staring at the bag.

“Did you really need that much, Rafe?” Your throat feels tight, starting to understand that you’ve been lied to.

There’s a mischievous glint in his eye. But you wouldn’t call Rafe mischievous, you’d call him downright awful.

He gives you that smug grin of his, saying, “It’s enough for us.”

Your brows are furrowed, not wanting to come to the conclusion you’re thinking.

“Barry’s not going to sell to you anymore. So, it seems like I’m the only person you have to go to.”

You open your mouth, trying to form your confusion. But he continues.

“I paid him off, Y/N. You really think he’d just run out like that.” He shakes his head, laughing.

“You can keep your money. I’m going to be wanting this,” he motions toward the two of you, “form of payment.”

You start to become aware of the stickiness of his cum between your thighs. A tear falls down your face. He wipes it like earlier, keeping his thumb on your cheek. A sob leaves your mouth at the next few words he says.

“For the rest of the summer, you’re mine.”

[itsnotjustgibberish]

Hello tumblr

I Infodumped about my D&D HMS/CCCC au, Also known as Dungeons and Darrells, in the CJFS so I might as well post it here too :]

The tag is #dungeons & darrells au

Anyways starting off with classes/races,

Heart is a Fallen Aasimar who's multiclassing as a Lunar Sorcerer and Oath of Vengeance Paladin.

Mind is an Envoy Warforged who's multiclassing as a Storm Sorcerer and Undying Light Warlock.

Soul is a Scourge Aasimar w/ warforged parts who's multiclassing as an Aberrant Mind Sorcerer and a Glamour bard

Whole is/was a Half-elf Valor Bard

LORE SUMMARY

Their memories seem rather blurry starting out. (Modify Memory my love…]

The trio knows they were once part of the same Whole. They also remember the fighting between Heart and Mind, and those tensions certainly haven’t been forgotten.

Soul tells the others he knows where Whole is, and they set off to find him, with already very obvious tensions and infighting developing.

…Is Whole a physical being that actually exists, or is this just a common goal Soul made up to stop- or at least detour- the other two from killing each other?

...Well anyways, they set off on their adventure.

Tensions are immediately high. Heart and Mind bicker constantly, and it doesn’t take long for the insults to get more and more personal as the rift in their core beliefs grows.

Soul is able to stop them by reminding them of their goal of finding Whole, and he continues to focus on trying to force them to understand eachother.

Weeks, and months pass and their fights continuously become more physical, which leads to Soul having to “mediate” through threats.

Heart and Mind both begin to believe Whole will be better off without the burden of the other, but while Mind tries to turn him complacent through insulting and berating him words, Heart wants to try a more physical, and permanent solution.

Heart prepares his bow, and leads Mind out away from Soul one night.

Juno was mad, he knew he’d been had, so he shot at Apollo with a bow… But listen to this-

There’s not much you can do when you roll a Nat 1.

Juno misses, horribly.

While passing through a town the trio had stolen a potion that allows the user to teleport, but the location and range they end up is randomized. Mind, in a mix of panic and rage, uses the potion on Heart by... literally just throwing it at him, and, oh- Funny how devastating it can be to roll a Nat 20.

(Eye injury)

The glass shatters over Heart's face, and quite unfortunate it now was that he took off his blindfold to try and help his aim. Sure, the thin cloth wouldn't have done all that much, but anything would be better than directly getting broken glass in your eyes.

The effects of the potion take place and Heart is teleported about a two weeks' journey away, as well.

Soul hears some of the commotion and witnesses Heart disappear, and is, obviously, very angry and concerned. Mind and Soul argue for a bit, before Mind is able to calm him down and explain what Heart tried to do.

Soul insists that they find Heart again. They find a higher level spellcaster to cast Scrying for them, and figure out where he is.

Failing so pathetically already would've made Heart feel powerless enough, but that immediately followed by isolation effects them even worse.

(Did you know that you actually only need to show consistent symptoms for two weeks before you can be diagnosed with depression?)

During those two weeks Mind is very confident and proud of itself for "Bringing justice to Heart."

{It takes everything in Soul not to rip out whatever mechanical bits let him speak}

Then they reunite with Heart, and Mind sees how truly devastating this isolation has been on him.

He feels- No, there's no reason he should be feeling guilty for them. Heart tried to kill him, and he got his karma for it... right?

Things between Heart and Mind are incredibly quiet for the next while.

They eventually start to talk more, but it usually leads to arguing or awkward tension. At least that means they're more comfortable with each other again, as Soul tries to convince himself.

Soul stays very protective over them both after All That, and is terrified to leave them alone together, which prevents them from truly getting the chance to try and fully talk anything out.

As they continue with their travels Heart and Mind continue to be forced to work together, and they start to bond. At some point they get temporarily separated from Soul and have a heart-to-uh, mind.

Things are fairly uneventful bonding/communication-wise, and there aren't many other huge events for some time, but the three of them continue to slowly build up their friendship, and put in the effort to understand one another.

Eventually they get to a point where they're all actually super close! Heart and Mind still bicker at times, but they're able to work it out, and it never gets too intense. If anything, the two of them are closer with eachother than with Soul, for once.

For once they're happy, they're getting along, and they're excited to finally meet and reform as Whole.

Until

0110110001101001011000010111001000101110

...They finally stop arguing and the group splits in two. Heart and Mind stay together, devastated and furious, and Soul goes off on his own.

Soul feels incredibly lost, it knows why the other two are angry at him- they should be, they have every right to. But no matter how much he knows he deserves this, that doesn't stop it from hurting.

So he does the only thing he knows in times like these; they put on a smile and plays his music.

He wanders aimlessly through a couple different towns as he plays. They often find a couple other bards, and they play together. Duets, quartets, small groups... He can never bring himself to play in a trio.

In one of the towns he plays a couple times as usual, but this time one of the members, a chicken aarakocra, starts talking with him outside of the shows.

Despite the cheerful mask Soul tries to put on, the chicken sees right through it, and he eventually drops the act. They start to open up to the other bard, who's name he learns is Darrell, and they're both able to find a lot of comfort in eachother. They get along super well, and become good friends quickly.

Soul still thinks about and feels super guilty over his other two friends, and with the encouragement of Darrell, they build up enough courage to search for them again. It's absolutely terrified of seeing the duo, it's terrified to have to see how he hurt them again, but through all his worries they never consider how, despite their pain, Heart and Mind never wanted to be angry at them.

During all this, Mind and Heart have spent a lot of time discussing their thoughts on Soul after everything. They take the time feel and and accept their anger, and agree to go find it again. They still really care about him, after all.

…

There's certainly more after this, and more I've left out between all the events mentioned here since I enjoy being cryptic, but for now, enjoy!

[myfairkatiecat]

Every line of “anti-hero” Taylor Swift applies to at least one Hawthorne.

I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser

Midnights become my afternoons

Jameson, in every sense of these lyrics. He’s always up at night doing whatever he needs to do to not think about whatever it is he needs to avoid. He chases as much adrenaline as he needs to not feel terrible.

When my depression works the graveyard shift all of the people

I’ve ghosted stand there in the room

Grayson and Nash (Grayson bc he’s distant and Nash bc he’s avoidant)

I should not be left to my own devices

They come with prices and vices

I end up in crisis (tale as old as time)

Jameson, all the way. Also it’s possible that Xander feels this way, even though we all find his scheming quite endearing as he doesn’t seem as bent on self-destruction as Jameson

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving

Cause you got tired of my scheming (for the last time)

Grayson and Jameson bc Emily gave them issues

It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me

At tea time everybody agrees

For Jameson this could be interpreted as him feeling like he’s seen as too “ordinary” by his grandfather compared to his brothers but also knowing full well the disapproval he gets for the things he does to NOT be ordinary.

For Grayson, it could mean that he knows he has to be better than all of his siblings bc everyone knows he’s inheriting it all one day (ha.) and feels like he never lives up to it.

For Nash this looks like being the one brother who was never as involved in their grandfathers games as his brothers and always was a little more distant for the family. While he WANTS to be distant, he probably feels very confronted every time he catches sight of his relatives, even if they aren’t thinking about it that way.

For Xander, this probably refers to how he’s the youngest and least serious of his brothers and probably felt inferior as a child despite the fact that he’s the smartest of all the Hawthorne brothers

I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

Hm which Hawthorne brother will do literally anything except confront themselves and their own actions? Which Hawthorne would stare directly at the sun, but never really look at themselves? EVERY SINGLE ONE. It looks different for all of them—for Nash, it’s pretending his last name isn’t Hawthorne; for Grayson, it’s burying himself in pressure and stress and work; for Jameson, it’s living 2000 miles an hour; for Xander, who actually probably has less issues with this (he seems introspective to me), it’s always creating other things that do things and never really noticing himself doing things. I could even get into talking about Skye and Zara here if I wanted.

Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby

And I’m a monster on the hill

To big to hang out slowly lurching towards your favorite city

Pierced through the heart but never killed

So, all four of them being extremely attractive means this can’t be taken the way it’s meant, but I imagine Nash probably has weird feelings about all his little siblings being around the same age and having all these shared experiences he is less familiar with.

Do you hear the covert narcissism disguised as altruism

Like some kind of congressman? (Tale as old as time)

Grayson, all the way. Especially after reading The Brothers Hawthorne. It’s part of what I love about his character. His internal monologue is “look at me being manipulative and asserting my power over everyone else” even when what he’s doing is perfectly fair (and sometimes when it absolutely isn’t). It’s almost like at some point, he was raised to take over his father’s business of being a billionaire who plays dirty and never learned any other way to be, and kind of hates that about himself.

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving

And life will lose all it’s meaning (for the last time)

Still Grayson and Jameson and still bc they have Emily Issues, but this version of the lyrics is how they would feel about losing Avery. Not, “she left bc she got tired of me” but “she’s gone and now everything is back to how it was when nothing meant anything”

(Chorus is the same)

I have this dream my daughter-in-law kills me for the money

She thinks I left them in the will

The family gathers round and reads it and then someone screams out

“She’s laughing up at us from hell”

I actually forgot this verse existed when I started making this post. But. This verse belongs to Tobias Hawthorne I. Duh. I guess this fits even better than I thought it did 😂 this is LITERALLY the plot of The Inheritance Games

I rest my case, “Anti-Hero” is the Hawthorne family anthem. Someone get all these boys therapy and happy endings 😭

[salempie]

Not necessarily a romance ship thing but Crystal and Clem? I moreso wanna hear your take on their relationship

Me personally I think it’s kinda one sided regarding romance on Clems end.

I think abt how one of his pics on campster is lovers leap along with the fact when you rebrain him the only thing he says is crystals name before running off ( on that note I also found out he waits for Crystal to get rebrained in the room with the unbrained kids )

On Crystals end I feel like she doesn’t exactly harbor the same feelings but wouldn’t exactly mind getting into a romantic relationship ( like in a settling for him type of thing )

I have a lot of thoughts on this, let me get my charts

First and foremost, I ship them completely platonically! They are the best friends ever! I think they could have tried to make a relationship work (see their campster testimonials, they have at least discussed having a relationship and Elka talks about them as if they are a steady couple) but I don’t think something like that would last. Also they’re both very very homosexual to me. Gay Man/Lesbian bestie dynamic. Though I enjoy transfemme Clem as well and yes, estrogen could save her.

I can absolutely see the one sided aspect of it. A lot of my thoughts about them concern Clem dragging Crystal with him. Crystal is depressed, absolutely, but I still think she has some kind of hope for others if not herself. Clem is far, far more cynical, at least from my perspective. Misery loves company, and while both Clem and Crystal are certainly miserable at neither of their faults, I do think Clem is determined to keep that company rather than let Crystal heal (not that either of them believe that healing will happen). I don’t think it’s malicious at all, I just think all he cares about at the moment is Crystal and he would literally rather kill both of them than lose her. A need not to be abandoned I fear.

Hm…I’m sensing a theme among the characters I like…

…Suppose it’s a bit morbid on my part, maybe I’m taking Clem in too much bad faith. I always tend to go for darker headcanons. He did used to be my favorite though so I have put a lot of thought into this.

[quietbluejay]

Solar War 2

I'm here for Layak stalking Abaddon, this is beautiful

layak pulls a "we're not so different" and needles abaddon about killing the loyalist sons of horus at isstvan iii

and layak pulls a batman lmao on the one hand, he's an incredibly irritating coworker on the other hand, i think it would be funny to stick these two in the pear wiggler together, and i think canon will give me what I want there i'm really hoping the people reading this are familiar with that meme otherwise I sound like a lunatic Boreas is dying one of Sigismund's comrades in his fight

yeah he's kind of…haunted by that

Mersadie is kind of grim, lol

depressing lol but she's had a bleak seven years

honestly i kinda…want to drop this book this is just…it's like trying to bite a windshield there isn't anything in here that really compels me to see what happens next

does my bestie andromeda show up more search says no boo!!!!

ok im giving it another shot Mersadie's subplot is at least somewhat gripping and now, over to the Emperor and Malcador there's a planetary conjunction and the time is at the turning of the year which has significance but like, the winter solstice is when things start getting lighter

also i can't believe there's been so much about wolves and winter in a book where I'm pretty sure Russ never shows up

IGNIS HES HERE and Menkaura is slowly transforming into what we see him as in the Ahriman series

okay i guess i am a bit curious as to where this is going and also how French writes pre-Rubric Ahriman man Mersadie is picking up a whole group I'm really hoping the kids survive this I thought they were dead for sure

i…what what

are you serious

So just…lock them all in a room???

DORN

I'm going to leave bite marks on every stone in your walls

things are not going so well on earth

FINALLY we're getting a human face on things (got to see this guy's nightmare of his undead mother) ah time for malcador to go hard men doing hard things (loken's mad at him)

he's going after Mersadie

aah Forrix POV even Space Marrines get fatigued after a while hm

ominous forrix also really doesn't think highly of the EC and the NL which is especially funny for the NL

man, no matter what, French always writes Ahriman as a sad wet beast, a poor little meow meow i mean okay i guess McNeill did it too this bit was a little funny to me

like Ahriman of all people thinking something is ridiculously pretentious ah tension between the WB and the TS

there have been some shreds of what could have been an actually good book buried in here I'm sorry I haven't really been doing a detailed breakdown lol

that one review was right (about a different John French novel, lol) "John French takes an overly verbose axe to anything resembling a cohesive plot in this book."

I'm not sure how I'd fix this one aside from getting rid of half the descriptions lol I know 40k as a setting is about armies and not individuals but this is a book I swear a good chunk of this stuff read a lot like it was taken from campaign fluff not sure that's the correct term I finally got around to reading most of the TGS fluff and it clarified a lot of things for me in terms of wtf Thorpe was doing and why his writing was so weird in Ghost Warrior

hm I think I'd cut all the stuff that happens on Terra, it belongs in a different book or do it as a short story

I'm not sure about the Mersadie subplot tbh but honestly I think that one deserved to be a novella it's one of the best parts of this book ah Mersadie and Loken are reunited!

French, seeing my aggravation, immediately decided to attack my weak points

that's what this book is trying to be about, isn't it it's not doing a great job but the parts that hit, do it well ah classic ahriman

yeah this whole thing has been a word bearers teamup which has been…interesting, for ahriman, lol

Mersadie accomplished something!

oh yeah she also has a lot of flashbacks and at this point I'm wondering if it's not just the trauma oh ok the memories didn't actually happen yeah I'm worrying about something spooky

visual representation of the traitor command centre before the battle

hah it's actually really funny, I was reading about this recently and thinking about it w.r.t. to what Haley was trying to pull off with Wolfsbane

so the traitor forces were only doing all this to get this planetary alignment

you know things have finally been picking up …starting at the 70% mark

im also sitting on my hands to not quote TS Eliot's Four Quartets, I know I overquote it agh I'm weak, I give in

Garlic and sapphires in the mud Clot the bedded axle-tree. The trilling wire in the blood Sings below inveterate scars Appeasing long forgotten wars. The dance along the artery The circulation of the lymph Are figured in the drift of stars Ascend to summer in the tree We move above the moving tree In light upon the figured leaf And hear upon the sodden floor Below, the boarhound and the boar Pursue their pattern as before But reconciled among the stars.

At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless; Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is, But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity, Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards, Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point, There would be no dance, and there is only the dance. I can only say, there we have been: but I cannot say where. And I cannot say, how long, for that is to place it in time. The inner freedom from the practical desire, The release from action and suffering, release from the inner And the outer compulsion, yet surrounded By a grace of sense, a white light still and moving, Erhebung without motion, concentration Without elimination, both a new world And the old made explicit, understood In the completion of its partial ecstasy, The resolution of its partial horror. Yet the enchainment of past and future Woven in the weakness of the changing body, Protects mankind from heaven and damnation Which flesh cannot endure.

back to book

(i thought dorn had lighter eyes lol)

anyways i guess i should actually finish Flight of the Eisenstein at some point it can't be more tedious than 75% of this book ugh samus is here ah so that's the twist in the mersadie plot

i know she's being controlled or possessed or something but that's a fun image so the "keeler" in the visions was…Samus I think

so back on the vengeful spirit maloghurst did a sorcery to turn Mersadie into a sleeper agent uh huh [press x to doubt] Mersadie left right before Isstvan III!!!!! unless this is trying to tell me that idk Erebus was secretly tutoring Mal in dark magic, something that makes absolutely zero sense in the time frame we're looking at i can't believe it yeah okay some of the elements in here are fun horror stuff but I can't focus on that because I'm too irritated to quote that one reviewer "Samus is here and I wish he wasn't"

[nikofortuna]

JTTW Chapter 35 Thoughts

Chapter 35 for the @journeythroughjourneytothewest Reading Group!

This chapter is starting off very strong with gender shenanigans and this go about we are in for a doozey.

So one can either see Nüwa as a separate entity or go with Laozi being kind of genderfluid. Both options are delightful in my opinion, but personally I prefer the version that is not a desperate attempt to retcon Nüwa being a woman and a goddess.

Love the little fiend hand waving the sexes for they do not contribute to each gourd’s capabilities, that’s a great attitude to have! As much as the story has problems with some old fashioned ideas, it still has positive notions like this even if they weren’t originally intentioned to be read this way.

At least that’s what I would like to say if it wasn’t for the next bit messing it all up again. It could easily be rewritten as one gourd being older, that would work just as well and not have these problematic implications.

In fact that work around would not just work as well, but better even by making more sense! As it is the gendering of the gourds makes no actual sense since it is about the fruit and not the flower. Depending on the species of gourd they are either monoecious where they have both sexes in one flower, which would make gendering irrelevant. Or they are dioecious where they are separated into female and male flowers, but only the female flower has the potential to develop into a gourd, so there couldn’t be a ‘male’ gourd.

Bottle gourds, which might be the kind of gourd here, specifically are dioecious. They have pretty white flowers and it is easy to distinguish male and female flowers since the female one already has a little fruit attached.

For comparison here are the flowers of melons, which can have all three kinds of flower sexes. And yes, if a flower contains both sets of reproductive organs it is called bisexual!

Also here’s an extra plant fact! The first flowers to grow on some vine crops are predominantly male for two or three generations. Something interesting for gardeners.

First a mountain and now fire, Sun Wukong really can’t catch a break from traumatic callbacks this Arc.

He’s such a loot goblin, very relatable.

Hm, this chapter contains a fine description of depression actually. Much sad makes you much sleepy, that is very true.

They’re more of a footnote here, but it is nice to see the female demons be combatants as well and treated much like the other fiends in that regard.

The demons in this Arc were depicted in a very sympathetic light, which I appreciate since they are clearly people and not just pure evil. Then again in the end it is revealed that they technically weren’t demons to begin with.

Though I do feel a bit like Tang Sanzang might have some double standards, after all he usually preaches not to kill people, but he doesn’t seem very bothered about the killing of so many creatures this time around.

I very much agree with Sun Wukong that Guanyin can be quite devious. And I love to see it!

Also a neat little bit of trivia at the end from the German translation! Laozi, his two youths and the five treasures seemingly represent the “Great Oneness”, the duality of Yin and Yang and the Five Phases. Please correct me on the oneness part though, I did not know how to translate it or rather which specific thing it was referring to in English.

[randomeanonjustwatching]

Friend hear me out. For some reason brain thought of this during dozing off hours.

In canon Bendy came to be a literal imperfect version which lead to isolation in the throne room. However in LLF au (Lost And Found??) he was perfect, least physically. Perhaps the flaw he had was he was timid and childlike in contrast to his cartoon biography. That didn't stop him from performing because kids love him and we all know he LOVES attention. Reader stays at the studio after school and is a playmate to Bendy. Joey MIGHT have tried to kill and drown Reader to get the perfect Bendy, but Reader escaped and is never seen again. Bendy lost his only pal outside performing and work, thus lead to depression and isolation when he refused to perform. The rest is history until Reader comes back to regain lost memories from childhood.

(Dang you thought that out well, didn't you? )

Friend?...

Bendy was your best friend.

Couldn't deny it, you two were closer than peas in a pod.

Laughing, goofing off, doing pranks on some of the other workers.

"Cmon darling! Let's go mess with Boss!" Bendy had said, grabbing your hand and running towards Joey Drew's office.

You nodded your head excitedly. Joey always laughed when you and Bendy would pull pranks on him. It was obvious that we all enjoyed it.

You heard Bendy scream slightly as he slipped and disappeared Into the ink.

"Bendy?...." You said quietly, hoping your friend was okay.

"Now, what do we have here?...." You heard a voice behind you, so you turned around and looked up.

"Oh, Mister Joey! Do you know where Bendy went? He disappeared with that ink splotch over there."

Joey chuckled. "I know where he is. Why don’t you follow me, hm?"

(After that, y/n was nearly killed by Joey, and ended up running off out of the studio, not to return for atleast another 20 years. In this time, Bendy had gotten cold, his heart aching for the playmate he used to call his friend.)

"Hey, uhm Bendy? You have a show in a half an hour." Sammy had said, opening the door to Bendy's showroom.

Ink was in multiple piles on the floor, with Bendy laying on his bed.

"I don't care. I ain't going." Bendy replied to Sammy's older message.

"Bendy, you have too. The crowd hasn't seen you for months, and Alice and Boris can't keep the act up forever." Sammy said, walking in and closing the door.

"I don't wanna! I ACTUALLY JUST WANT Y/N, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" Bendy had screamed at Sammy, sobs breaking his voice and his eyes filled with both pain and hatred.

"Bendy, they're gone, they've moved far away from here with their parents." Sammy calmly replied to the demon's screams.

"I DON’T CARE, YOU DON’T UNDERSTANd..I need.." Bendy screamed but turned into a sobbing mess.

"Bendy. It'll be alright, I promise. Now calm down and get ready for your show, okay? It's only 15 minutes long, and then you don't have to do another one for 2 weeks, okay?" Sammy said, touching Bendy's shoulder, trying to ensure some sort of comfort.

".....alright."

<PART 2 IS IN THE REBLOGS>