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#Honestly I already dislike the arguments people are giving in terms of how people are already disliking J/Ashi
posi-pan · 3 years
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(Okay so I tried to search your blog before asking this in case you’ve answered it before, but tumblr’s search is stupid and it wouldn’t work lol so sorry if you have already answered stuff like this!)
But I’m a little confused with something I keep seeing people talk about and I feel like you’re a good person to ask to explain this since 1. I trust your responses lol and 2. your answers are always simple and straightforward. What exactly is a bi/pan lesbian? And why do people dislike them so much?? Is the dislike warranted (like are they genuinely harmful etc?) or is it just more queerphobia? I’ve tried looking it up before but tbh every answer I read feels way too complicated for me to grasp it and it just makes me more confused. Are they just bi/pan with heavy preferences? Or is there a whole other explanation that I’m just not seeing/not understanding? I just really wanna understand, thank you in advance 🥺
so, thank you for thinking my answers are simple and straightforward. i usually feel like i’m making absolutely zero sense or being unnecessarily longwinded lmao. but yeah, i think i’ve posted something about this before, but nothing too detailed.
anyways. an mspec (either pan, bi omni, ply, etc.) lesbian is someone who uses both an mspec label and the lesbian label. there are a lot of different reasons why someone might self-identify this way. some of those reasons include:
being attracted to women and nonbinary people (this isn’t saying people attracted to women and nonbinary folks can’t be lesbians. it’s one way of acknowledging nonbinary doesn’t mean “basically woman” and lesbian attraction can include more than one gender)
being mspec-sexual and homoromantic or mspec-romantic and homosexual (this is a use of the split attraction model, and saying you’re, for example, “bisexual homoromantic” or “biromantic homosexual” is a bit more of a mouthful than bi lesbian)
using the historic definition of lesbian (lesbian was an umbrella term for all women attracted to women before it became known as exclusive attraction to women due to lesbian separatism)
being unsure if you’re mspec or lesbian and trying out both labels
being attracted largely to women with very rare attraction to men
i’m sure there are other experiences amongst mspec lesbians, but these are just off the top of my head.
the “discourse” surrounding mspec lesbians (and mspec gays) is entirely new and queerphobic. this identity has existed for decades without issue. women have been identifying as bi lesbians for a long time. one of the more historic uses of it that isn’t very common now is that it represented women who were attracted to men and women, but socially were only involved in women/lesbian spaces, or were only interested in having relationships with women. it had more to do with the combination of their sexual and political identities.
people hate the identity so much because they don’t understand it and honestly, don’t want to. many people have been sent sources on it and they just ignore it. they have decided it’s somehow harming “real” lesbians and that’s that. they don’t want to learn otherwise.
they bring up the argument that the identity says lesbians can like men, which one) one person’s identity doesn’t say anything about someone else’s and two) some lesbians do like men. that’s just a fact. and always has been. there have always been lesbians who were attracted to and involved with men.
they also bring up the argument of if lesbians can like men, what do we call people who are only attracted to women (and sometimes some nonbinary people), and the answer is always, whatever those individuals want to be called. labels don’t exist for us to apply to others. they exist for us to claim for ourselves and give meaning to based on our personal experiences and feelings.
but yeah, this identity isn’t harming anyone. it has never harmed anyone. it’s simply a different way of good faith self-identification. if that’s how someone makes sense of their identity, which is not clear cut, black and white for everyone, then why does it matter? how is someone using a historic queer identity harm anyone? it doesn’t. queerphobes just fell for assimilationism and hate their own community when they queer in a way that’s different or confusing.
i think i covered most things on this topic. here are some links if you’re interested in some further reading:
carrd with sources and info on mspec lesbians
tumblr with sources and info on bi lesbians
thread of sources on mspec lesbians/gays
thread of historic examples of bi lesbians/gays (this one is by me!)
post of historic examples of bi lesbians/gays (this one is also by me!)
i hope this helps you better understand! i feel like i wasn’t as clear as i could’ve been. please feel free to ask more questions if you have them!
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drakenology · 3 years
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Arguments - feat Bakugo, Todoroki, Kirishima and Tamaki Amajiki
author’s note: i’m feeling angsty today. so this is gonna be about arguing with some of the bnha characters. anyone else feel off today? just me?
warnings: swearing, angst, fluff 🥺, and suggestive themes not full on smut. characters aged up! some of these are long.. i was feeling dramatic
headers from @annicon
Bakugo
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as much as i love this man i can admit he would be SOO stubborn
would get frustrated easily
yells 🥺
he knows when to walk away when the conversation isn’t getting anywhere which is good
would NEVER hurt you (i’ve seen ppl write that this mf hits you... girl...domestic violence is not an aesthetic.)
he isn’t the best with words so it’ll take him a little while to admit he’s wrong because he can’t verbalize how sorry he is sometimes
when he does he’ll hug and kiss you and apologize like a million times after he’s done being a stubborn little prick.
gives you the best “i’m sorry “ dick imaginable holy shit
Bakugo done did it. He pissed you off. You were already having a terrible day and then you come home to this motherfucker with a bunch of people over after you told him that you weren’t in the mood for company. So for the rest of the night when everyone left, you gave him the silent treatment knowing that he HATES when you ignore him on purpose.
“Y/N?”
You say nothing, continuing scrolling through your phone to look like you were preoccupied.
“Y/N, what’s your problem? I know you hear me.” Bakugo persists.
You ignore him, turning your back to face him. He grunts and grabs your shoulder, turning you back around to face him.
“Y/N if you’re pissed at me just say that. But ignoring me is fucking immature and it’s pissing me off!” He yells. Translation: “What did I do? 🥺”
“I’M pissing YOU off!? That’s funny. Because it’s not like you didn’t completely ignore my fucking feelings tonight. Why did you invite Kirishima and Denki over after I specifically said I didn’t feel like playing fucking HOSTESS!” You shout back, throwing your phone somewhere.
“Are you serious!? I never told them to come here they just showed up. What was I supposed to do tell them to piss off!?” Katsuki asked.
“YES!” You scream, annoyed that he’s not getting the reason why you’re upset. You never minded having Bakugo’s friends over but you just wanted to have a calm night with just the two of you. You were exhausted and fixing dinner for you and 3 other people and listening to loud chatter about sports and video games was not on your to-do list.
“This is so fucking petty! I don’t get why you’re so mad that they came over.” Katsuki said shrugging his shoulders.
“That’s the problem, idiot! You don’t fucking get it! I worked all day today. I just wanted us to relax but no, you wanted to have a fucking guys night in my living room! It’s the complete disregard for my feelings that’s pissing me off not the fact that they came. I told you I was tired and you having them come over anyways was like a big fuck you to me!” You explain, your face pulled into a face Katsuki knows is your angry face. Bakugo sighs, not ready to admit that he was wrong.
“Tch. Whatever. I’m gonna go sleep on the fucking couch. Let me know when you’re done being fucking frigid.” He shouts, clearly out of anger.
“Fine.”
“Fine!”
Katsuki leaves your shared room and slammed the door, you throwing yourself onto the bed. You feel tears sting your eyes as you sob into your pillow. You hated fighting with Bakugo, and you knew he hated it too. He has a hard time expressing himself without getting defensive sometimes. But you knew he felt bad. You sigh and close your eyes and go to sleep.
The next morning you get up from bed and get ready to start your day. You shower and brush your teeth, you and Bakugo strategically avoiding each other all morning to go and do your daily routines. You didn’t utter a word to each other. Just questions and short answers.
“Got work?”
“Yup.”
“When?”
“7:30.”
The silence killed you both as you sat at the table and ate breakfast, Bakugo’s face pulled into a frown as he ate. You roll your eyes and go to put your dishes in the sink and grab his once he’s done. You can hear him get up from his chair as you wash both your plates and dry them. You had assumed he was leaving so you just wash all the rest of the dishes without turning your back. Suddenly you felt familiar arms wrap around your waist.
“Let me go.” You say, tearing up at the sudden touch. He was trying to make up with you and you were so ready to forgive him. The tension was almost too much to bear. This fight was small and it turned into something way bigger than need be.
“Not until you listen to me. I’m sorry, ok? I should have never yelled at you the way I did. And calling you frigid wasn’t ok either. I shoulda just told everyone to go home. We have those dumbasses over all the time. One night wouldn’t have killed me. I’m sorry. Can we just forget this shit ever happened? I hate it when you’re mad at me.” He pleaded, burrowing his face into the crook of your neck. You smile and turn around to look at his face, cupping his cheeks in both your hands as you stand on you tip toes to kiss him. He kisses you back eagerly, happy that you and him are back on good terms. He pulled away from the heated kiss and looks at the clock on the microwave.
“6:30...we still have an hour to kill. If you’re late I’ll drop you off.” Katsuki says, his eyes turning dark with feral lust.
“Late? What are yo-“ you’re interrupted by Bakugo pulling you into your bedroom with determination to make things right.. his way.
Tamaki (🥺 my new found love)
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Tamaki is NOT a confrontational person so arguing with you is really hard. He hates raising his voice or even getting to a point to where he’s angry because he doesn’t want to think about hurting you in anyway.
He’ll shut down and turn cold or try and act nonchalant.
he might even avoid conflict by changing the subject
if he’s riled up enough though he’ll cuss you out.. to his dismay
doesn’t like being mad at you and vice versa
hates arguments.. like honestly can you just get over it so he can eat you out now?
speaking of eating you out, he gives apology head and he won’t stop until you say you forgive him.
Tamaki didn’t like to admit it but he was really jealous. Like really really jealous like YANDERE type jealous. You and him were out to dinner with Mirio so you were all chatting about mindless nothing, catching up like you always do. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary for you but to Tamaki it appeared that Mirio was a little too playful at dinner with you. He was cracking jokes and poking fun and Tamaki took it as him flirting with you; which Mirio would never disrespect your relationship like that. Rage sat in the pit of Tamaki’s chest as you laugh at all his jokes. He was furious but hid it pretty well for the night.
“And then Tamaki wet himself in front of the whole class when I scared him with my quirk in middle school. Can you believe it?” Mirio laughs, causing you to laugh at the thought.
“Oh leave him alone, Togata.” You giggle, waving your hand in front of your face to stop the tears from laughter. He had been making you laugh all night all to Tamaki’s disliking. He was quiet all dinner, which you noticed immediately after Togata’s last joke.
“Hey Tamaki, is everything ok?” You ask, concerned that he might not want to be out anymore.
“Yeah.” He said coldly. “Actually I’m just gonna go to the car. I feel kinda sick.” He stands from his seat and walks to the exit, absolutely fucking furious that you were “flirting” with his childhood friend right in front of him.
“Awkward. What’s up with him?” Mirio asks, completely dumb founded by Tamaki’s sudden disappearance.
“I dunno. I’m gonna go to the car and see what’s wrong. Do you mind?” You ask, standing from your seat.
“Nah that’s cool. I’m actually gonna head out. You go on ahead, Y/N. I’ll take care of the tab.. this time.” Mirio jokes. You giggle and thank him, walking towards the exit. You walk through the parking lot and find the car, seeing Tamaki sitting in the passenger side with his arms crossed across his chest. What was his deal? You open the car door and sit in the driver’s side to meet a thick tension.
“What’s wrong Tamaki? Do you really feel sick or are you upset with me?” You ask.
“Why don’t you ask Mirio? I’m sure he’ll be able to answer since he’s the only guy you talked to all night. It was like I wasn’t even there.” Tamaki says, calm but obviously pestered.
“Is that was this is about? Tama you know it wasn’t like that. Mirio has always been a jokester what’s the difference now?” You ask, getting a little upset at his accusation.
“The difference is that he was trying to make a pass at you. He was so obviously flirting with you.” He says, his tone becoming stern. You’re shocked at how he was getting, frowning at how unreasonable he was being.
“No he wasn’t, Tamaki.” You say, looking him dead in his eyes.
“Yes he was. I’m not about to fight with you about this he was clearly fucking flirting with you. He joked with you all night and you laughed at every single thing he said. You must want to fuck him, don’t you?” He asked, looking at you with some sort of betrayal in his eyes. This infuriates you.
“What are you talking about!? You know I would never cheat on you Tamaki. Especially not with your best friend. What’s with you!?” You ask sternly, not amused or pleased in the slightest.
“Whatever, Y/N.” Tamaki says, looking out the car window while turning the other way so he’s not facing your side of the car. He knew this was stupid and he knew your loyalty was never to be questioned but he couldn’t shake this feeling of jealousy.
“No. You don’t get to start a fight and then blow me off when you’re through arguing! Talk to me!” You yell, furious at this point. Tamaki shrugs, avoiding the situation entirely now.
“Just drive. I wanna go home.” He says, not taking his eyes off the view from his window. You roll your eyes and start the car, pulling out of the parking lot to start your way home. The drive home was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. You were so angry that you didn’t talk to Tamaki the whole way home, knowing you’d probably cuss him out if he said the wrong thing. Tamaki immediately felt bad after picking that fight. He didn’t know what came over him, he knew he had to make it up to you before you two go to bed angry with each other. You approach your shared apartment and park the car, silence still riddling the car. The tension between you both was intense and it scared you. You’ve never seen Tamaki this upset. Jealousy was always an issue for him but he’s never reacted this strongly.
“Y/N?” Tamaki says breaking the silence. You look at him, a little relieved that he’s talking to you again.
“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that to you. I know you’d never cheat on me, of course. But I was just so jealous. It felt like you and Mirio were on a date and I was just the third wheel. The thought of him taking you from me drove me crazy. I wasn’t thinking. Can you forgive me?” He says, placing his hand on top of yours on the steering wheel. You sniffle, tearing up at his apology.
“Tamaki, I’m sorry I made you feel like that. I love you so much. No one could ever take your place, not even Mirio. I’d never betray you like that, ever.” You sob, tears flowing down your face. Tamaki questioning your loyalty really hurt your feelings and he hated seeing you cry.
“I know that. Please don’t cry. I’m so sorry, Y/N. It was so stupid of me to even assume.” He says, taking his hand and wiping your tears away. He took your hand and gave it a sweet kiss to soothe you, rubbing circles with his thumb on it as he consoled you. You giggle and wipe your tears, happy that you guys made up after that silly fight.
“Let’s go inside.”
Todoroki
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arguments between you two get heated. It gets to a point where sometimes you don’t speak to each other for days. he’ll definitely give small reminders that he still loves you to butter you up to alleviate some of the tension.
raises his voice
just as stubborn as bakugo
to a fault of his upbringing facing his emotions was hard for him sometimes, causing him to be cold when you fight
when it’s time to get over it and make up he’ll make it a huge event; flowers, chocolates and lots of freaky apology sex
cant stand arguing with you just like tamaki but wont back down in the slightest
is sure he doesn’t say anything harsh to make the situation worse.
“Why are you being so stubborn?!” You shout at your bi-colored haired boyfriend. The two of you have been fighting all day to your surprise. Shoto was usually easy going and you two hardly fought. But today, a bug seemed to have crawled up Todoroki’s ass and he’s been picking fights all day. You’ve been arguing about small things like who left the bathroom light on or who ate the last hot pocket. Right now it was an argument about when you’re going to meet his father Endeavor. It’s been almost a year since you two have been together and you don’t even think his father knows you exist.
“For the last time Y/N we’re not going to my dad’s house. That’s final! You can argue with yourself about this. End of discussion.” Shoto says, very annoyed at the thought of being near his father. He still couldn’t stand him, even as an adult. He can’t bring himself to bring you around him because he knows how he can be. If he even says something slightly rude to you he’ll flip the fuck out. You groan in frustration, wishing he’d at least consider.
“He doesn’t know we’re together does he!? What am I to you some secret? Why did you stay with me all this time if your family doesn’t even know I exist !?” You shout, tearing up with seering anger.
“It’s not that. Of course he knows we’re together; my whole family knows! Why do you want to involve him so badly?!” Shoto yells.
“Why wouldn’t I want to meet my fucking boyfriend’s father!? You’re not making any sense.” You say, getting more and more frustrated as Shoto makes excuses.
“You know what? Fine. We’ll go meet him tomorrow. But as soon as he treats you like you’re not good enough for me don’t be surprised when I tell you I fucking told you so. God you can be so stubborn sometimes.” Shoto shouts, rolling his eyes at you.
“Oh I’M stubborn!? That’s rich coming from you. You’re being so unreasonable right now. I know you and your father-“
“YOU DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT MY FATHER. Stop speaking on things you haven’t the first idea about!” Shoto yells, punching a nearby wall. (Oop.) You flinch, shocked at how angry he got so quickly. You tear up and run off to your bedroom, Todoroki immediately regretting getting so upset with you. He scared you and that’s something he never wanted to do to you under any circumstances. You cried yourself to sleep that night, angry that things got so heated. Why did he react like that? And why was he treating you as if you knew nothing about him and his father. He would vent to you about him all the time and you gave him advice when you could. But tonight you felt like you were nothing but an outsider. Shoto didn’t even bother coming into the room. He couldn’t face you after making you cry. Right now, he hated himself for treating you like that. He was just so afraid of his father’s judgement he didn’t want him to hurt your feelings with how crass he was. If Endeavor found the slightest thing wrong with you he’d never let you or him forget it. He could hear him now calling you unworthy of the Todoroki name. The thought alone enraged him. In his own cryptic way, he was trying to protect you from him but this was no way to do it nor did he have the right. Todoroki slept on the couch, missing your warmth against him in your bed.
The next morning the two of you drove to the Todoroki estates in silence. You were still pissed at him and Shoto didn’t want to say anything to further upset you. He was annoyed he was making this trip in the first place but he knew he had to man up for your sake. It was unfair of him to try and keep you away from his family especially since you would one day take on his name and be a part of the family when he married you. He knew he couldn’t keep you away forever, but god couldn’t he have had a little more time? He dreaded this day.
“Ready?” Shoto asks coldly, trying to hide his remorse from his tone. You nod, getting out of the car before he could walk over and open the door for you. Shoto is surprised and gets out with you, guiding you to his old home. He can’t lie, he’s so fucking nervous. What if he hates you? Not that he cares what he thinks, he’ll marry you anyway but still. He at least wants his blessing. You walk with Shoto to the main room of the home and wait for Endeavor to come downstairs. Suddenly you hear footsteps from across the room. It was him. He was tall and his aura was so dark and intimidating.
“You must be Y/N.” Endeavor says, looking down at your small frame. You nod, a wave of nervousness shooting through your body.
“N-Nice to meet you sir.” You bow respectfully.
“No need for that. Please, have a seat.” Endeavor says gesturing to the couch. You and Shoto sit down next to each other, Endeavor following suit by sitting across from you two.
“So.. how long have you two been together?” Endeavor asks, his booming voice almost sending an echo throughout the empty room. You gulp and look towards Shoto.
“10 months.” He answers for you, taking your hand to calm you. You’re still mad at him but god you’re glad he’s doing his best to ease your anxiety.
“And you just now arrange a meeting? Hm.” Endeavor questions, looking at you as if he was scanning you to find something irredeemable about you. You look down at your lap, unable to keep eye contact with the intimidating man.
“I-I wanted to meet with you sooner. Me and Shoto fought about coming here last night but I convinced him.” You say nervously.
“I see. You seem like an ok girl. Shoto has had his fair share of.. inadequate women in his life so, you’re a step up from the rest.” Endeavor says, motioning for a maid to make you all some tea. You laugh nervously, Shoto squeezing your hand in annoyance. Was that a compliment?
“You two seem like you’ve been fighting.” Endeavor says suddenly, observing both your body language. You’re both shocked as you turn to look at each other. How’d he know that?
“What’s it to you?” Shoto asks, glaring at his father.
“Oh nothing. But if you’re planning on marrying this girl it’s probably best to not argue too much with her. Hell, she might up and leave.”
Shoto looks at you, pain in his eyes. The look on his face alone said “I’m sorry.” Shoto hated to admit it but his father was right. Fighting as much as you have been, especially the fight you had last night was toxic and could take a toll on your relationship.
You smile at him and turn to Endeavor
“I’d never leave him.” You say, snuggling closer to Shoto as he blushed. He was embarrassed that he was being so vulnerable around his father but he knew that only you could make this happen.
After a long conversation with Endeavor and Shoto, you leave with a feeling that you might have won him over. You think? He was hard to read, just like Shoto. He was more like his father than he likes to admit. Shoto opens the car door for you to get inside and then walks to the drivers side to come in. You sit in the car for a while, silent until Shoto grabs you and leans over to kiss you. You kiss him back, tearing up into the kiss.
“I’m sorry, snowflake. I can’t believe I raised my voice at you like that. I was just so scared that he was gonna hate you and say something disrespectful. I should have just told you that instead of being defensive. I’m so so sorry I scared you. Please forgive me. ” He pleaded, peppering kissing on your face.
“I know. And I forgive you.” You giggle, pulling Todoroki closer to you to kiss him again.
Kirishima
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Out of all the boys he’s the least stubborn when it comes to fighting. But don’t be fooled, he’ll argue you down. he’s very good at managing his temper when it comes to you.
Regrets starting a fight in the first place
Just wants to cuddle and go back to normal
But when he’s angry hooo boy
doesn’t even yell, he’s like a calm angry which is terrifying
tries talking over you, trying to plead his case
will not rest until the situation is resolved and over with so you guys can move on
like all the others... apology sex
will try not to lose his patience
You and Kirishima had been together for a while now so it was only inevitable that you two have your first fight. You were always a vigilant person and wanted to help others even though you were quirkless like Deku was at one point. Kirishima is protective of you to a fault and the thought of you getting hurt or worse didn’t sit well with him at all. You assured him that you were capable of taking care of yourself and protecting yourself but he wasn’t having any of it. You spent years perfecting your martial arts skills, training your ass off for countless hours everyday and he knew that. But he didn’t want you to one day meet your match without him there to protect you.
“Y/N, drop it. You’re not going on missions with me and that’s final. It’s too dangerous.” Eijiro said, his brows furrowed. He was trying not to lose his patience with you but you kept insisting. He just wished you’d forget about this whole thing; for your safety.
“You don’t have the right to tell me what I can and can’t do! I’m fully capable for taking care of myself and you know that.” You yell, irritated at your boyfriend underestimating your abilities. Eijiro sighs and stands up from the couch to stand in front of you, inching so close you could almost kiss.
“I’ll die before I let you go out there. Do you know what would happen to me; to your friends and family if something happened to you!? We’d be crushed. Please just drop this.” Kirishima says, wanting to avoid this conversation all together. But alas, nothing was changing your mind. You were very head strong and stubborn to no avail so you weren’t going down without a fight.
“You can’t stop me!” You yell
“Oh I can’t?” Eijiro challenged.
“No. You can’t. You can’t treat me like a child, Eijiro.” You say. “How can you say I’m not ready if you don’t give me a chance to prove I am!?”
“Because you just aren’t! Okay!? You say you’re not a child but you’re acting like one and a petulant one at that. Just drop it! God, you can be so stubborn sometimes. Don’t you see I’m just trying to keep you safe!?” Kirishima yells, instantly regretting raising his voice at you and losing his cool. You tear up, furious that he’s treating you like some kid. You grab your stuff and prepare to leave his apartment.
“Where are you going?” Kirishima sighs
“Fuck you, Eijiro.” You say, walking away from him and going outside to cool off. Kirishima tries to grab you before you leave but you snatch your arm away from him and walk outside with a huff and a slam of the door. You wipe your hot tears away and start aimlessly walking down the street to go home. Hell, you don’t even know your way home from Eijiro’s place but you’ll be damned if you go back there. As you walk you see Kirishima’s car pull up to the side of you, driving slowly to keep up with your walking pace.
“Y/N please get in the car.” He says out the car window
“No! I don’t wanna talk to you so just go away!” You yell, continuing to walk as the brisk wind assaults your bare skin. Dammit you forgot your coat.
“Y/N! You’re being ridiculous just please get in the car. You left your jacket; it’s freezing out here!” Eijiro shouts, getting out of the car and grabbing you to pull you inside. You groan, obviously being overpowered by your strong boyfriend. Kirishima slams the door and gets back inside, drives back to his apartment and parks in the driveway. He sighs and leans his head on the steering wheel.
“I’m sorry I got so heated with you. But can you blame me? I’m worried about you. Sure we’ll be on these missions together but what if something happens? What if I’m not there to protect you when something goes wrong? These missions are unpredictable; anything could happen and I’d literally die if even a scratch is put on you.” Eijiro pleads. You start crying, sniffling at his words. He was right to be worried.
“I love you, Eijiro and I appreciate you being so concerned about me. But that doesn’t give you the right to shelter me. You can’t just force me to not follow my dream.” You sob, wiping your tears away. Eijiro grabs your hand and kisses it.
“I know. I just can’t bear the thought of you being hurt. But if this is what you really want, I have no choice but to at least see this through.” Kirishima says, holding your small hand in his two massive ones. You smile, putting your other hand on top of his.
“Thank you. Also, I’m sorry for saying fuck you to you. That was mean.” You say pouting.
“It was. Hurt my feelings.” Eijiro said faking sadness, immediately laughing as he watched your face frown up again at the thought of hurting his feelings.
“Oh shut up.”
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miyanom · 3 years
Text
A-Z FLUFF ALPHABET (j.kirstein)
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A CTIVITIES - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?
Jean loves spending time with you, no matter what you two happen to be doing. Though his favourite thing to do with you is just watch a movie and relax, especially because he loves resting his head in your lap while you run your fingers through his hair.
B EAUTY - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?
Jean, being the person he is, would say everything.
He loves your laugh, your smile, the way you look at him when he says a stupid joke that no one else enjoyed.
C OMFORT - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?
If you’re feeling down, he’ll buy/cook your favourite food and just stay by your side till your ready to talk. And if you just want time alone, he’ll give that to you but will always make sure you know he’s there when you’re ready.
D REAMS - How do they picture their future with their s/o?
He’s been dreaming about a future with you from really early on. Similar to the dream he has in canon, he sees you both moving in together one day and maybe starting a family together.
He wants kids, but it wouldn’t be a deal breaker honestly. He loves you so much, and if you don’t want kids, he’s fine with settling for a dog or cat.
E QUAL - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?
Things would be super equal for the two of you. If there’s something concerning the both of you, he would never make a decision without trying to get your opinion on it first.
He values communication in the relationship, so you both come to decisions together unless it’s an on the spot thing.
F IGHT - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?
While Jean hates fighting with you, he’s also pretty stubborn, and it makes the fight worse than how it originally started out.
Due to how much he hates fighting with you, Jean separates himself from the argument, either going to a different room or leaving the apartment altogether to give you both the time to cool down.
G RATITUDE - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?
He’s very grateful! He loves doing things for you, but when you do things for him? He’ll hug you and tell you how much he loves you, even if the thing you did was something super small.
H ONESTY - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?
Jean tends to share everything with you. In general, he’s just a very honest person.
I NSPIRATION - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?
Before meeting you, Jean was constantly in a crappy mood, usually taking it on Eren more than anybody. He was also quite a flirt, not a serious player but like annoyingly flirty.
After meeting you, he calmed down a little. He swears it wasn’t because of you or anything, but his friends say otherwise.
J EALOUSY - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?
I wouldn’t say it’s often, but when people neither of you know start getting a little too close, he does get jealous.
He’d probably try keeping it to himself, but communication is a big thing in your relationship so he does let you know. At least after he intimidates the person by wrapping his arms around you and kissing you in front of them.
K ISS - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?
Jean is a great kisser, at least he is when you both get past the shyness and awkwardness of the first stage in the relationship.
Despite how much of a flirt he was before meeting you, you were probably his first kiss. So you can guarantee he was a stuttering, blushing mess when you pulled away after the first kiss.
L OVE CONFESSION - How would they confess to their s/o?
I talked about this in another post!!
M ARRIAGE - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?
Jean definitely wants to marry you, and he would know that from pretty early on in the relationship. Waking up by your side after you stay the night just isn’t the same, he wants to wake up and call you his wife/husband/partner.
He would want to plan the most cliche date, a fancy dinner, maybe a movie, before going someplace important to the both of you where he would pop the question. However, he just can’t wait. He’ll probably wake up beside you on one of those mornings, and just ask you out of nowhere.
N ICKNAMES - What do they call their s/o?
Of course he calls you the common ones like babe/baby, mostly in a joking manner. When he’s seriously being all lovey-dovey, it’s nicknames like sweetheart, princess/prince, angel.
O N CLOUD NINE - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?
Jean, when in love, is so obvious about his feelings. He’s always blushing around you, he has a hard time speaking to you clearly, and he stares at you in such a loving manner.
He expresses his feelings through actions, as he’s a believer that actions speak louder than words! However, that doesn’t stop him from also reassuring you with words too, as he understands that some people need to actually hear it.
P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?
At the start he’s fairly shy, not doing much when others are around. But when you two grow comfortable with each other, and he knows whether or not you also enjoy pda, there is no stopping him from straight up kissing you in front of other people.
He’s also the type to always be holding your hand when you’re out and about. He’s such a touchy boyfriend, always wanting to be touching part of you in some way.
Q UIRK - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.
This dude can cook. Having spent a lot of time with his mother growing up, he picked up on a few things from her.
A lot of your dates are just staying home, enjoying meals that Jean makes for the two of you.
R OMANCE - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?
Jean is a huge romantic. But he’s constantly torn between cliche dates and creative ones. You go from dates where you draw each other at the park, to fancy dinner dates and a movie.
S UPPORT - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?
Jean calls himself your no.1 supporter for a reason! Whether it’s staying up till 2am to help you study, or running errands for you in his free time so you don’t have to worry about anything other than your goal. He’s there for you every step of the way!
T HRILL - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?
I personally feel like when you fall into comfortable routine, Jean loves it the most. But if you want to spice things up, it’s not like he’ll stop you.
U NDERSTANDING - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?
Jean knows you pretty well, he’s good at reading people. When you’re getting to know each other, he takes notes in his head about things you like and dislike, and probably never forgot them.
If you’re in a bad mood, he can tell just from a simple text, and you can bet he’s already on his way to pick up your favourite sweet food.
V ALUE - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?
Like I said earlier, Jean is absolutely in love with you. So the relationship means a lot to him, especially since you both were friends before anything began to take a romantic turn.
If Jean listed the people in his life, it would be his family at the very top of the list, followed by his friends: lucky for you, he counts you as his family.
W ILD CARD - A random fluff headcanon.
Jean rides a motorcycle. He has a car too, sure, but whenever he picks you up he takes the motorcycle. He knows it’s dangerous in comparison to a car, but he likes the security that comes with having your arms around him when riding.
X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?
Jean is very very affectionate. If you’re together at either of your apartments, there’s no way you’re not cuddling. He’ll be complaining about having to let you go even if you only need him to so you can go to the bathroom.
Y EARNING - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?
Jean hates it when you’re not around, whether you’re super busy or you’ve just gone away for a little, he hates it.
He likes being around you even if it’s in utter silence, so you two often FaceTime while just going about your daily night time routines. He probably watches you for a minute or two if you fall asleep on call, and he doesn’t hang up until the next morning.
Z EAL - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?
I think Jean would go to great lengths for the relationship in terms that he would branch out of his comfort zone just to understand you a little better.
If a bad fight broke out between the two of you, and he realises that he’s being just a little too stubborn, he would let go his pride and be the first to apologise in fear of losing you. It says a lot, because he’s not usually like that. Typically he lets things cool down a little before trying to apologise.
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shinjaeha · 3 years
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ipytm ep 3 (thoughts + spoilers)
this is going to be a tough post for me to do bc honestly...this ep just left me feeling so run down. i know that the cast and crew have always strived for realism and authenticity with this series, but this one was just a lot to take in :/ my thoughts are gonna be even more all over the place than usual but idec at this point. having to rewatch this ep again is really fucking hard (even harder than itsay ep 4 bc even though that makes my heart ache, i still feel some sense of satisfaction from the development we get...this just leaves me feeling defeated in every way).
you know the drill: not an analysis, just me ranting as usual bc free therapy (and boy do i need it after this one)!! i had so many feelings watching this ep (esp towards teh but what’s new), so here goes.
we begin with the drama students rehearsing for jai’s new play, and the introduction of the plum wine which will be the recurring motif in this whole ep. the use of the plum wine in this also kind of reminds me of how teh initially disliked coconuts until he started falling in love with oh-aew and started to like them instead...i’m guessing that’s the parallel they’re trying to draw with the plum wine comparison in this.
teh’s having a hard time getting into character (which we already know from last ep was always going to be one of the toughest challenges for him as an actor). his character in the play is supposed to have a sex scene, but he’s struggling with this bc he can’t put himself in his character (akin’s) shoes, so jai ends rehearsals early.
jai gives them all logbooks which he basically wants them to treat as diaries where they’ll write everything they feel/learn and hand it back to him (he’ll be the only one reading them). ngl this already had me feeling kind of yikes (esp now as i rewatch this knowing how everything went down) since jai already has inside knowledge about teh’s feelings on his relationship with oh-aew which he can take advantage of :/ more on that later though...
it’s sad to me that so much time has passed since teh’s argument with khim and he's STILL avoiding her. khim was someone that he respected immensely (and was such a great mentor for him) so it just sucks to see that their relationship has deteriorated so much since the first two eps. teh might have had his reconciliation moment with oh-aew last ep, but there’s still a lot that he’s not ready or willing to address yet.
i understand that teh’s just encouraging jai about his work when he tells him to stop having others comment on it, but at the same time, i disagree with him bc i think it IS important to get other peoples’ opinion about your work. how else will you ever be able to see things from other perspectives if you don’t?
anyway, teh tells jai he’s seeing a play, and jai asks teh if he’s bringing oh-aew...the look on teh’s face is telling enough that things aren’t going great between them (at least on his end). this brings us to the logbook scene, where teh’s homework for the day is to write about the similarities and differences between himself and his character in the play. this gets teh to reflect on how he feels his relationship with oh-aew is changing, or specifically, how oh-aew seems to be changing so much that teh feels like he’s becoming someone else entirely...and does that mean that he still loves him the same?
i feel like this is a fairly common issue with people that have been in a relationship for a while (and this is their third year together now), so i understand how teh might start having doubts. it’s nothing that oh-aew’s done, it’s just that sometimes all these small changes can keep mounting up to the point that they feel much bigger than they actually are. oh-aew’s really just doing what everyone else does, which is grow and change as they get older, but teh’s still stuck in the past trying to hold onto what they used to have instead of evolving with oh-aew. the way teh picks at all these little changes of oh-aew does make me think that he’s self-sabotaging himself. he’s just so afraid and insecure that oh-aew will change so much he leaves him, that he has to nitpick at reasons why oh-aew’s the one that’s growing away from him (though when we watch the whole ep we know that that’s not the case at all). it’s like a ‘if i push him away first, then he won’t push me away’ sort of self-defence mechanism. either way, teh’s a constant overthinker...and he’s always been his own biggest enemy since the start, so it makes perfect sense to me that he would do this to himself here too.
i know that they’ve been together for years at this point, so things are not quite as exciting as they used to be, but it hurts to see oh-aew be so happy about getting an A for his class, and teh be so unenthused about it. oh-aew has to basically beg teh to give him attention and praise. remember when teh used to get so worried when oh-aew did badly in chinese class...and now it’s like whatever to him just bc he’s not tutoring him/they’re not in the same major anymore :((( i know it’s prob both bc teh’s still hurting that oh-aew transferred majors, and from seeing oh-aew succeed while he feels like he’s failing, but still...
also, not inviting him to see the play with him bc he thought oh-aew wouldn’t be interested/oh-aew kept falling asleep whenever they saw plays together ;;; i get the reasoning from both povs, but it still is nice to be asked :(
so one thing i have to say about the progression of their relationship here is that i just feel this huge disconnect from last ep and this ep?? i know it’s bc of the time skip (since it’s a year later basically), but to go from the end of ep 2, where they’re promising to love each other forever, and then to teh feeling disillusioned/as though he’s falling out of love with oh-aew basically right after that?? it’s so jarring. i feel like we lose so much with these time skips bc the transition from ep 2 to ep 3 is never really shown, so there’s this lack of flow there. like we’ve skipped a step entirely and something’s missing. this is the disadvantage of only focussing on one year per ep since there’s not enough time to explore as much character and relationship development when we’re only seeing an hour long snippet of an entire year. it just makes things feel superficial since so much of what we should be seeing is missing...and we basically have to fill in all the gaps ourselves.
okay, back to oh-aew ranting to his friends about how he feels like his relationship with teh is fading away bc they don’t have the same interests anymore, but also wondering if that’s just normal for long-term relationships. bless that boy that came to ask oh-aew for his ig :’) at least he knows that he’s wanted and has options, even if he obv turns him down bc of teh (for now).
plug and mangpong are dating!!!!!!! and mangpong does a horrible job of trying to hide it 😂 sidenote, but i love the way pp delivers lines sometimes (like the “just shocked”), he’s so cute. plug and mangpong’s legs touching...and the wave of nostalgia that came over me (and oh-aew) during that ;;; oh-aew seeing their blossoming relationship would make him reminisce back to his own experience of falling in love with teh...when everything was still so fluttery and new. so when teh texts him about using his car to help jai move, he looks happy. like he wants to rekindle those feelings again too.
that being said, it’s kind of sad to me how even jai shows more interest in oh-aew’s major than teh (when he asks him for his opinion on how to get people interested in his play). oh-aew’s got some good ideas and is more than willing to help (esp since he wants to connect and find a common interest with teh again). also, just bc oh-aew doesn’t want to be an actor anymore doesn’t mean that he’s completely uninterested in it. god, watching this part again hurts bc oh-aew looks so happy and optimistic. he worked so hard to help teh (and jai) only for them to betray him like that. it made me mad originally, but now it just breaks my heart :(
jai’s running acting classes again for his play, and this time it’s a workshop to help them tap into their feelings. it’s like an intimacy exercise where they give one another consent to touch certain body parts. teh is still struggling a lot with this. i think teh craves intimacy, but as he doesn’t feel that connection in his personal life to oh-aew anymore, so it’s difficult for him to draw on his experiences. he can’t even remember the first time he had sex with oh-aew properly anymore. as usual, teh’s too in his own head to just go with the flow and ~feel things (which isn’t new since teh’s had problems with this since itsay), but it’s def something that he’ll need to learn how to do if he wants to become an actor. he’s trying, but the fact that he can’t get to that place makes him feel even more insecure than ever that he might never be able to get there. imo one of the reasons teh works so hard, and is as driven and ambitious as he is, is that he’s afraid that he’ll never be good enough. he puts so much pressure on himself, and the issue with that is that he’ll never be able to live up to his expectations that way.
teh is also very much alone now. oh-aew has his group of friends to talk to about his relationship with teh, but teh just has jai at this point. he’s pushed khim away...and he and oh-aew aren’t communicating effectively (which is also why they’re on SUCH different wavelengths in terms of where their relationship is at), so there’s literally only jai for him to talk to about all his relationship issues. and to me at least, jai seems to have ulterior motives (particularly when you consider that the subject matter of his play is pretty much the same thing that teh’s going through rn). it’s times like this when i do feel kind of bad for teh, but then again, he brought this upon himself the way that he almost always does...and it leaves me frustrated instead.
jai kissing his professor though...also their conversation?? i have QUESTIONS...
that whole interaction with teh when jai catches him spying on him and the professor was SO awkward. idk what it is about teh but i have never encountered a character that has given me as much secondhand embarrassment as he does. when he starts touching the bars and avoiding eye contact i just- why, teh why?????
moving on, i’m thinking there’s prob more to that scene that we don’t know about bc jai’s shifty like that...but it’s purpose is also to shift teh’s perception of jai. before this, he pretty much just saw jai as his friend and mentor, but seeing him kiss someone else pushes him to think of jai in another less platonic light. like the first spark of attraction.
the both of them go to see the mime show (babymime), and i know that the point of this is so teh can learn to just feel and let go the way that the mimes in this play do, but idk it’s just kind of funny to me the contrast between the last scene and this one. 
the leg touching scene again but this time with teh and jai...thanks, i hate it :/// 
teh’s already feeling like he and oh-aew’s interests are making them drift apart, so by connecting with jai, it’s that initial feeling of attraction that he used to feel with oh-aew all those years ago. jai is that cool senior that he respects...he’s goal-oriented and has so much in common with him (in a way that he feels that oh-aew doesn’t anymore), so it doesn’t altogether surprise me that teh latches onto jai in this way. esp when all their conversations revolve around what teh’s most passionate about, and what dreams they’re striving towards in the future.
it doesn’t surprise me bc teh’s affections shifted in a similar way from tarn to oh-aew when he was first starting to realise his feelings for oh-aew too (though at least he and tarn were never officially dating during that time...)
there’s a genuineness to the way teh praises and encourages jai that isn’t there when he’s doing the same to oh-aew :( and that coupled with teh lying to oh-aew about him having dinner with jai while oh-aew is at home, completely oblivious, painstakingly photoshopping his boyfriend’s face on the poster of the play TO HELP TEH instead of doing his own uni work, makes me so fucking upset for oh-aew.
it’s interesting to see how different their personalities are even when it comes to something as simple as the way they read their texts. oh-aew is so ready to accept whatever teh tells him at face value, but teh overthinks everything to the point where he jumps to a certain conclusion in his head about it instead.
but yeah, it’s just really tough to see oh-aew try so hard for teh, only to see teh do nothing back for oh-aew in return. there’s only so much one side can give. it’s the absolute lack of effort on teh’s part to even try to make things work with oh-aew that is the most frustrating thing of all. oh-aew is carrying their entire relationship rn and it makes me feel all “and for what?? why should he even bother??” about it.
sneaking to sit at the river with jai is like this forbidden, new experience, so it just enhances that feeling of attraction that teh is already feeling towards jai. and esp when he starts telling him about his previous relationship with james, the significance of the plum wine, and how jai ended up breaking up with him. since it’s reflective of teh’s own experiences atm (even in how he kind of self-sabotages himself to push people/oh-aew away first), he clearly takes it to heart. and it makes him want to do an even better job since the play is an autobiographical one for jai. not to mention, teh supposedly being the only one that jai told his story to makes him feel ‘special’......and we all know how teh likes feeling as though he’s special to someone. you can see it in how dejected he is when he thinks jai only told him his story bc he wanted him to get into character better, but perks up the moment jai says he actually told him bc teh’s been doing such a good job (and to encourage him). like i mentioned before, teh’s already feeling vulnerable and isolated from everybody else, so hearing any sort of praise (and esp when it’s from someone that he looks up to as much as jai), is going to pull him in.
when they were hiding from the security guard i was like ughhh i know where this is heading and i. don’t. like. it........
the problem is that i know where teh stands on this. like i know that there’s some attraction on his end. but i don’t know where jai stands. is he intentionally manipulating teh’s feelings for his play? is there any sincerity there? i think it’s obvious that he can tell teh is attracted to him from the glance that they share in this scene, but i can’t get a handle on what he actually wants (which i guess is the point of making his character as mysterious as it is but still). and if he can tell, and he doesn’t actually like teh back in that way, it makes the end scene even more yikes imo.
hmmm teh lying in the pool trying to recreate that feeling right before their first kiss when the both of them just let everything go and sank down into the water. that’s how you KNOW the next scene is supposed to be angsty...bc just like how their first underwater kiss had a sense of sadness to it bc they were hiding, their first (on screen) sex scene has that same sense of sadness, only this time it’s bc teh’s using his attraction to jai/his method actor desire to get into character to fuel the sex instead of bc he genuinely just wants to have sex with oh-aew. and if his reasoning for the sex is bc of that, then his task to recreate their first sexual experience will never live up to the actual first time they had sex (when they BOTH wanted it, and there were no other factors involved).
that’s not to say i don’t think teh doesn’t love oh-aew anymore. i think that there HAS to be some level of love still there amidst all of the confusion, but it feels a lot more like he’s testing his love/attraction to oh-aew during this scene (sort of like how he did with tarn in itsay) than a proper ‘love scene’. like he’s trying to reconfirm his feelings, whilst using oh-aew as inspiration for his role at the same time. it makes my heart ache that this is the first love scene we get from them this series, and it’s marred by the context of what we know is going on in teh’s head. like i said, it’s this permeating sadness throughout...and just knowing that oh-aew has absolutely NO IDEA what’s going on with teh and why he suddenly wants to have sex makes it worse. oh-aew’s been trying to make things work, and in his mind, teh spontaneously coming over like this prob makes him think that things are getting better between them since this is also the closest thing to teh showing any sort of initiative to work on their relationship in this ep so far...
and that’s not also taking away how beautifully this whole scene is shot. i’ve always loved the way that teh and oh-aew play and flirt with each other (bkpp’s chemistry is honestly unparalleled!!) so it was nice to see them be kind of playful before they started kissing again (if you ignore how sad this scene really is). i LOVE the inter-splicing between their first time on the beach and the present. the way the score swells, and little moments where you can see their feet and fingers interlocked on the beach. it gives you such a visceral visual (and totally takes me back to itsay days when that sort of imagery was used a lot more). i just hate that since we know the truth, this scene is more uncomfortable than satisfying despite how nicely shot it is.
i wish we got more domestic moments from them. i know their relationship has sort of grown past those initial moments of flirtation, but it truly makes me sad that we don’t get to see more of them as a couple in general in ipytm. moments like this where they’re lying in bed cuddling each other are so few and far between that i always feel like i have to cherish every little fleeting piece of fluff that i can get. even if idek if this can really be called fluff since the context sort of ruins it.
oh-aew’s still got his heart attack bag :’)))
he was soooooo happy when he met up with his friends 😭 but also, how the hell is it possible for teachers to move deadlines up like that. i FEEL that panic... poor oh-aew...
teh’s in rehearsals again and this time he’s wearing his moon shirt which...i do NOT need those ep 3 itsay vibes rn when i was already dreading this last ten minutes with everything i have in me :((( but anyway, jai’s brought plum wine to class and we know that teh doesn’t usually drink, but he does this time. he tells teh that the taste will change over time (it symbolises the ageing of the relationship process), and teh says it’s a pity he won’t get to taste it next time since jai wants to go abroad to study. then teh tells him he’s worked on the acting exercise and wants to try it out with jai, and i feel like we all knew where it was going to go from here.........
they really had to hammer it in with him missing oh-aew’s call too huh :/
as soon as they started the touching/intimacy exercise again i was just waiting for the catch. even on this rewatch i’m still sitting here chanting “don’t do it teh don’t do it” knowing full well that he kisses jai and there’s no changing that. but then when they cut to oh-aew walking up the stairs with the posters and you hear just how much time he’s sacrificed to help teh/jai on this...sacrificing time EVEN NOW just to go over to their uni to give them the posters when he has a presentation due tomorrow that he and his friends still haven’t finished working on...it’s just heartbreaking knowing what he’s going to end up walking in on.
whether it’s itsay or ipytm, teh’s default state is confusion. so while i think that there’s a certain amount of attraction towards jai there of course, i kind of get the feeling that he’s confusing his feelings of connection with jai (bc of their shared interests and passion) with him falling in love with jai. i feel like his attraction to jai reminds him of what it was like when he was first attracted to oh-aew, and since things have changed so much between him and oh-aew, it’s like he wants to recreate and capture that feeling again with jai (which is also why he wears the moon shirt...he wore that during itsay ep 3 beach scene, which was the moment when the attraction really started to burn between him and oh-aew). he can’t feel that same spark with oh-aew anymore, so he transfers his feelings to jai since, at this point in time, he feels closer to jai than anyone else. instead of growing alongside oh-aew, it’s like he’s choosing to revert back to a time when he was happier.
we know that teh has always been the type of person that will act on his impulses when he feels them. that’s WHY it was so hard to watch...bc i knew while watching that last scene, he was never going to restrain himself or put a stop to those feelings bleeding over into action. and esp not when it could benefit him in some way with his acting too.
in the end, it just makes me so devastated for oh-aew. and i really hope that he doesn’t let this go bc he thinks it’s just teh method acting or getting into character or whatever...i know that teh’s feeling a lot of conflicting things rn, but that’s not an excuse. he really fucked this one up.
the thing is, it’s not that i don’t think teh is capable of acting this way (i’ve seen a few people say that this is ooc for him, but it really isn’t? this confusion and impulsiveness has always been a part of his character from the very start...he was always the one that had the most trouble dealing with his feelings out of the two of them), but the time skips don’t do him any favours bc we lose all those moments that take him to what he’s currently feeling. when we don’t have those moments, then it’s a lot harder to sympathise with him. in itsay, bc we always knew how teh got from point a to point b, even if he did frustrating/silly things, i always understood where he was coming from. i always felt for him. i GOT his struggles, which was why i was always able to empathise with what he was going through. in ipytm, he just comes off as unlikeable bc of how superficial his feelings seem (from what we’re being shown on screen at least).
falling out of love with your significant other/starting to feel things for someone else is obv a fairly common experience, so i don’t blame teh for FEELING like this, but it’s how he treats oh-aew throughout this that doesn’t sit right with me. even if you feel like you’re falling out of love with someone, or that they’ve changed since the first time you fell in love with them, you’d think there’d be some motivation to at least TRY to make things work with them before giving up. we never see that from teh at all. instead, he just see him becoming infatuated with jai (so we barely see teh/oh-aew together in the first place). and while i can see now that a lot of this is due to his own insecurities and inadequacies, it’s also just so disrespectful to oh-aew who's the one that we see putting in all this time and effort (it calls back to their whole “don’t give my time to others” scene in itsay bc we see oh-aew giving so much of his time to teh through helping him out with his play, while teh’s giving that time that should be for oh-aew to jai now). no matter his reasoning, watching teh act that way towards oh-aew does make it increasingly hard to root for him. there’s just too big a disparity in how the two of them choose to act and devote their time to their relationship.
what’s frustrating is that in itsay, teh would fuck up but he would always try to make amends with oh-aew in some way. he would always come forward to try to sort things out after...but there’s nothing here. even after their dinner fight in ep 2, it’s OH-AEW that reaches out to him first (even though it’s teh’s fault that they fought in the first place). where’s that boy that dressed up in his old school uniform in order to talk to oh-aew at his school? or made a whole chinese idioms scrapbook for oh-aew? or gave up his uni admission for oh-aew? i understand that characters and motivations change (and he was obv hopped up on his first love with oh-aew at the time), but it’s just really, really sad to see teh keep messing up and not even try to meet oh-aew halfway with this. yes, you can fuck up, but there are only so many times you can keep fucking up before it starts to look more like a pattern of shitty behaviour than a few forgivable missteps.
another issue is that there’s been so much focus on teh and his flaws that a lot of the time oh-aew comes off as a side character to teh’s story. previously, i understood that since teh was grappling with his sexuality. it made sense that his journey was the primary focus of the plot and character development. but i always felt that there was more room to explore oh-aew’s story (and i thought that we would get a lot more of that in ipytm...esp after ep 1), but it just feels like we kind of skimmed past all of oh-aew’s growth and struggles adjusting to bangkok/uni life so we could turn the attention back to teh again. i just hate that we never get to see more of how oh-aew’s changed in teh’s eyes (other than the surface level things like his hair, new car and major), and that we never get to see more of oh-aew’s life when it’s not related to teh in general. i hope that we’ll get more of oh-aew in the last two eps, but i really don’t know what they’ll give us anymore.
at this point, i don’t even want them as endgame anymore given everything that’s happened in the recent ep. and it pains me so much to say that bc teh/oh-aew are so immensely important to me, but they’re just in such different places in life. and teh esp has so much more growing to do (i think i said this last week too? teh...). oh-aew deserves to be with someone that can see his worth as he is (that won’t cheat on him for one!!). i just want him to be with someone that can make him happy. what i wanted most for them out of this was for the two of them to grow to a better place (together and as individuals), and while i still want that for them as individuals, it’s hard for me to want them to be happy together anymore. at least for the time being.
i’m kind of at a loss for how they’re gonna work through this (and i genuinely want oh-aew to be able to explore his options too...particularly with someone that will actually treat him better than teh’s treating him atm). so at this point it’s kind of looking to me like a break up is inevitable? but i do think it’s necessary  for both of them rn. i feel so heartbroken about it though...like ipytm is actually making ME go through the breakup...breaking up with all my beloved itsay teh/oh-aew memories :((( anyway, i think a break up is also conveniently the best time to put a time skip tbh...so we’ll see if that does end up happening now in future eps.
this one took such a long time to write up bc i wrote like a quarter of this RIGHT after i finished watching the ep (so you can clearly tell which parts were me right after the ep, and which parts were me after i had some time to sit on what happened 😂), but i thought it was best to take a bit of a break. i didn’t rewatch it again until i calmed down a little and sorted out my thoughts some more (though i know this is still pretty messy). but yeah, i’m still very much interested in watching how they things are going to progress from here...but i can’t deny how sad i’ve been feeling after this.
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realcube · 4 years
Text
everything i love about you // kei tsukishima
tsukishima’s has to write a journal for his english class - so he writes about you because he is a simp.
tw// (she/her) reader, cussing, too much fluff- ?
↳Thursday, October 1st 2020 
This is my journal for English class. I will be writing about my girlfriend - (Y/N) (L/N) throughout the day. I’ve chosen her opposed to a friend or a family member because she is very interesting, unlike most of my friends who are just annoying - whilst my family are plain boring. If you can’t already tell, this journal will be written in whatever tone I desire, which is sarcastic 99% of the time. 
Well, to begin on a high note, one of the reasons I love like my girlfriend - (Y/N) (L/N) - is because she is tolerant/patient. 
For example, this morning she waited an extra 3 minutes for me to arrive at the bus stop - where we usually meet to walk to school together - as I was running a few minutes late due to a ‘bad hair day’. This displays patience.
Also, her friends are some of the most annoying, god-awful people I’ve ever met yet she still hangs out with them. That shows how tolerant she is of their bullshit - it’s honestly quite impressive to see someone throw away every last bit of their dignity just to spend more time with the people that are tearing them down. This could be considered stupidity but I’ll call it tolerance for now because I was told to start this journal with the positives. 
↳Friday, October 2nd 2020
“The English language is one the most stupid ones out there.” - that was a factual opinion. 
I’m finding it challenging to write this journal with the assistance of google translate and a whole years worth of English notes. It’s a hard language, anyone would agree with me on that. So imagine what sort of genius you’d have to be in order to know the language fluently? 
Well, what if I told you that (L/N) can speak English with little to no errors? As well as Japanese! It’s insane, honestly. Which brings me onto my second point, she’s extremely intelligent; another reason I love her. Well, she’s an intelligent dumbass - and I know that’s an oxymoron but let me explain.
Again, she can speak English fluently so if she had taken it as a subject, she’d definitely be the top of the class. She is also passing all her classes with straight As. However, she is still very dumb; throw-back to that one time she mixed up Chernobyl and Auschwitz. 
It’s perfect - just the right amount of intelligence that I don’t have to baby her but humble, so she’s not cocky about it. And just the right amount of idiot that she still makes me laugh..sometimes. 
↳Saturday, October 3rd 2020
This next point kinda ties in with the last one but she is very confident and is able to take a joke which is something that  - I personally believe - is crucial to have in a significant other. 
I am aware of the fact that I am not always the nicest, most optimistic person to be around; but she has thick skin and knows that whenever I call her a ‘dumbass’, I either mean it as a joke or as a term of endearment. 
Also, anyone would find it quite annoying if their special someone always was seeking attention, validation and compliments. I mean, every once and while it is completely fine but if your whole self-esteem is based off of whatever people think of you and you need constant reassurance in every single thing you do - I personally - would find that a bit annoying. As I mentioned before, I am your lover, not your babysitter. 
So, that’s another reason I love like her; and as Abraham Lincoln once said, ‘what’s sexier than confidence?”
Source: https//:pornhub.com 
↳Sunday, October 4th 2020
She is so hot. 
Now, please, don’t get wrong; I hate the objectification of women and physical appearance isn’t everything as they all deserve to be treated equally and with respect. 
 But I am looking respectfully 👀
Actually, perhaps ‘hot’ wasn’t the best choice of words as there are so many different phrases/words in the English language that would be more fitting to describe not only (Y/N)’s physical appearance but how she acts. Words such as: gorgeous, classy, alluring, angelic, elegant, divine, stunning, captivating, radiant, tempting, adorable, ravishing and most accurately, beautiful. 
She’s modest about it too. Understandably, she prefers compliments on her character rather than her look because she says, ‘People that compliment me on shallow things like my appearance are either toxic, wanna get with me or they are just naïve.’ 
However, I do believe that she dislikes those sorts of compliments because she simply doesn’t need them - she knows she is beautiful and so does everyone around her, I mean, it’s kinda hard to ignore. 
Like seriously? Who could miss those enchanting (e/c) eyes of hers? Or her shapely figure that would make any person ‘act up’? And have I yet to mention her pristine lips that lift to make that charming smile of hers? 
Okay, well, you see the point. (L/N) = very sexy, inside and out. I am done complimenting her for today. I need to go lie down. 
↳Monday, 5th October 2020
The last day of the week. Well, according to my professor, anyway. 
This is the part where I tell you the 5th and final thing that I love like about (Y/N). And honestly, I can’t decide between the following; so I’ll just roll a D20 and let that choose for me:
1. She is very funny
2. She is an amazing cook
3. Her singing voice gives me goose-bumps
4. She is so gentle towards animals, it’s precious
5. She is so talented 
6. She is very supportive of everything I do
7. She makes an effort in our relationship and to understand the things that I enjoy eg. volleyball, paleontology
8. She’s is a good communicator
9. She’s loyal 
10. She doesn’t get feisty or petty during arguments, we keep it classy
11. Her passion for the things and the people she loves is so attractive
12. She is one of the most diligent, hard-working people I’ve ever met 
13. She just generally has this sort of charm about her, that’s why she gets on so well with people 
14. She’s honest
15. I would trust her with my life
16. I know that she’d be there for me when I need her because she always has been
17. Explain how there is no one real reason I love her, it’s just that everything she does comes together and forms..her! She’s so special and unique, there is no way I’d be able to pin it down to one key feature.
18. She’s human 
19. I envy her
20. Roll again.
I rolled a 20. 
Then I got a 17. 
I know I probably seem like a love-sick sucker for writing all of this about my girlfriend but I can assure that even if she was just my friend, I’d still write this journal about her because she is the most interesting and extortionary person I’ve ever met. I can also assure you that if you ever meet her yourself, you’d be writing novels about her for a minute of her time. 
To me, she’s perfection. And I’d rather die than say that aloud so that it partly the reason I am writing this for her. It is easier for me to express what I feel through this journal than it ever would be to say this stuff out loud, especially to her. 
I like love her.
good job, Tsukishima! A very sweet journal and your vocabulary is quite impressive. I'm sure your girlfriend will adore this haha. What I will say though is that perhaps you could try use less contractions and real words - by this I mean that 'kinda' and 'sorta' are not real words in the english laguage so you should try and avoid those. Another than that, superb work!
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redspiderling · 3 years
Note
Are you as irritated as I am that even though Scarlett is getting all the support here, everyone is prefacing it with “i fucking hate this bitch but i guess she’s right”? Like, just leave her alone for one goddamn minute, everyone knows that supporting labor compensation doesn’t mean you agree with her other comments, Jesus. A tiny bit of respect for the guts this must have taken wouldn’t kill you.
Ahoy anon!
Eeeh, I'm not really irritated by it. At this point I find it amusing.
For one thing people on here will defend, or be batshit crazy against, anything, really. For another thing, it's almost a reflex on tumblr to say "I don't like Scarlett Johansson" out of a need to not get into an argument with anyone or, at least, out of a need to fit in/have the generally acceptable reaction.
Beyond that, asking for people to look into someone's actions and see something deeper than what's on the surface, is honestly too much. Most people are superficial, they don't look further than their initial reaction to things. Also, people prefer to be agreeable most of the time. So if an "authority" (in terms of communication) tells them "Scarlett Johansson is a rich woman and it's greedy of her to ask for more money" they'll be like "Yeah, that's true!". Then if someone else comes along and says "hold on just a sec, aren't you a billionaire corporation who stole her salary? That's wrong" those same people will go "Yeah, that's true!" and the end result will be "this rich person -who I've been told I should hate- had something done to them that I shouldn't agree with, so I should begrudgingly support them in this situation". And that's it. Obviously the 2 sentiments can coexist for someone who honestlly dislikes her for past controversies, but most of the time, it’s a reflex.
The general public doesn't go looking for explanations, anon. They won't look for hidden meanings, or agendas, or further understanding behind people's actions. The surface is easy. That's how we've been manipulated into electing idiots to govern us, into allowing corporate greed to corrode our societies and bring the whole planet to the brink of ruin. People won't look beyond the surface for things that could kill us all, don't expect them to look beyond the surface for entertainment news. Even if this the hugest thing that has happened in the industry since... God, I don't even know when. Not even Robin Williams had the balls to enter into a legal battle with frigging Disney! Hell, most of Hollywood was pissed at production companies over the streaming issue and nobody dared to create any ripples. And here comes 5ft nothing Scarlett and drops a fucking boulder into the lake!
Don't worry, Scarlett clearly has nerves of steel. I've been admiring this woman's perseverance for years, and yet I was in shock and awe when she dropped this bomb on us. She'll be fine.
Besides, what can they possibly say to her that she hasn't already heard? That's she's a bad actress? Pfff, been there, done that, stitched her own t-shirt. That she's a rich bitch? Yeah, she's a rich bitch who has enough money and balls to sue the mouse! That she's a horrible person? Nope, she's not, she's a blooming fucking tree who doesn't give a shit 🙃
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duelistkingdom · 3 years
Text
you’d come back to me
chapter two: at the seams
[first chapter] [master list] [next chapter] [read on ao3]
Summary: Seto Kaiba has been presumed dead for four years after the events of Dark Side of Dimensions. His return causes both unresolved feelings of grief to be brought to the surface and the past to be dragged right back up. In hopes of helping Seto move on and reintegrate back into society at large, Mokuba asks Yugi to work on Spherium II with Seto. Never one to leave a friend hanging, Yugi agrees. Over the course of the project, Seto and Yugi both come to terms with their mutual grief and grow towards a better understanding of each other.
Rating: T
Ships: Yugi Mutou/Seto Kaiba, Mokuba Kaiba/Rebecca Hopkins, Katusya Jonouchi/Mai Kujaku
Warnings: aged up characters, grief, references to suicide
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Kaiba stared up at the large building as he tried to build up the courage to actually enter the building. The appointment Mokuba had scheduled for him was part of the plan to help him reenter society at large. Apparently he’d gotten this idea from one of his friends and Seto scowled. A lot had changed in the missing years, apparently. It took everything in him to finally enter the building and head up to the office.
The first thing he noted about the office was that the therapist’s desk was pushed to the wall. The second thing he noted was the line of degrees, including a doctorate in psychology. He noted the name on the degree: Makoto Reiki. Seto also noted the way the chairs were laid out. Each option put Seto in the position of having to actually look at the therapist. Not only that, it became obvious to him that there was a trap laying in each of the choices. Surely the therapist was already poking around for weaknesses to use to his advantage.
Everything was, after all, a game. No one knew that better than Seto. “Well,” the doctor asked and Seto instantly disliked the smile on the doctor’s face. “Aren’t you going to sit? Surely it has to be uncomfortable to stand around like that.”
“I’m fine,” Seto said, crossing his arms. “Shall we get on with this pointless endeavor?”
“If that is how you feel,” Dr. Reiki said before turning back to his computer. Seto instantly felt irked when the man began to work, actively ignoring him.
This had to be yet another trick on his part. Perhaps to see how long Seto could handle boredom until it actually drove him crazy. “Aren’t you going to try to talk to me?”
“You said it yourself that you consider this to be pointless,” the doctor said, not bothering to look up from his computer. “Your brother is going to pay me regardless if you talk to me.”
Seto scowled. “So you’re a con artist.”
“If that is how you’d like to view me,” Reiki said with a shrug. “You can continue to waste your time and your brother’s money by standing there, or you can sit down and introduce yourself. It’s your choice.”
For a minute, Seto considered. He could indeed simply do as the doctor suggested. Though there was one last tactic he could try to get out of this appointment and appointments like it. “Or I could tell Mokuba that you’re wasting his money and that we should abandon this idea entirely.”
“You certainly could do that,” the doctor remarked, turning towards Seto. This threat didn’t seem to rattle him in the slightest. “However, I do have a waitlist of people who wish to see me and there are people who would like to see but do not have the funds. I come highly recommended in my field. I will be fine without you as a patient. Although, I imagine your brother might not let the idea of you seeing a professional go.”
“What?”
“You disappeared for four years under mysterious circumstances. Your brother takes temporary control of the company, insisting you’ll be back despite evidence to suggest that you are dead,” Reiki said, and it felt like his eyes were peering right into Seto’s soul. “You reappear four years later. Unchanged. Surely your brother is concerned about the effects of what might have happened to you and would like you to process it.”
Seto gave a soft ‘tch’. “I knew you were a hack,” Seto said, pressing down the feeling of anger. This man didn’t know him and he’d certainly never understand what Seto went through. “There’s nothing to discuss about those missing four years. I’m fine.”
“In that case, perhaps it might help if you simply spoke with me,” the therapist said, gesturing to the chair in front of him. “If you’re fine, then a session or two where we simply talk is all it would take for me to give you a clean bill of health.”
For that, Seto had no argument. Seto sighed before taking the seat the therapist had directed him to. “Fine,” Seto said. “What do we talk about in these sessions?”
“Let’s start with something simple,” Dr. Reiki said, finally facing him. For the first time, Seto could see that Reiki appeared to be in his late forties, early fifties. “Such as, how you feel about your return to Earth.”
How he felt? Seto’s eyes narrowed as he tried to size up what Reiki was after. There had to be an acceptable answer. Instantly he discounted the true answer - he felt nothing. Seto knew from prior experience that this was not what people wanted to hear. “I feel relieved,” Seto said, deciding that was the best course of action. “It means that the technology to cross dimensions works. To a degree, anyway. Perhaps with some fine tuning, it can dimension jump without the loss of time.”
“I see,” Dr. Reiki remarked and Seto felt strange as he noted something down on a notepad. “How do you feel about the missing years? Four years is quite some time to miss.”
“There’s nothing that can be done about it,” Seto replied automatically. Immediately he cursed the statement. Seto had a feeling that was not what Reiki was looking to hear. Even worse: he could not read Reiki. “That is… four years have passed already. There is no point in dwelling on something that cannot be fixed.”
Reiki raised a brow and Seto got the feeling that he somehow knew every little thing that Seto had ever dwelled on. “Is that why you destroyed Alcatraz all those years ago? Because it couldn’t be fixed?”
“No,” Seto said, rather bluntly. “I’d rather not talk about Alcatraz.”
“I see,” Reiki remarked as he made another note. Seto felt briefly like he was being judged for his refusal. “You know, I’ve been curious about something. The last time Yugi Mutou and you dueled, you kept insisting that he be someone else. Would you like to explain?”
“It’s complicated,” Seto said, not about to explain something he barely understood himself. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Then try to explain it to me.”
Seto wasn’t sure where to start. Honesty with strangers was not one of his strong suits nor was self reflection. The last time he’d allowed himself to look back had been when the Pharaoh had forced him to look at his past. “I regret blowing up the Duel Tower,” he finally said, figuring it was the best starting point. “I hadn’t known at the time that it would be the last time I would get to Duel the Pharaoh.”
“Mr. Mutou’s Dueling alter-ego?”
“More than that,” Seto said, hesitant now. “Forget it. You wouldn’t believe me.”
“I see,” the doctor said as he leaned back in his chair. “Your brother prepared me for some of the… shall we say less plausible elements of the story? According to him, Mr. Mutou’s Dueling alter-ego was actually the spirit of a forgotten Egyptian Pharaoh. You would be right to say that is hard to believe.”
“If you knew, then why did you ask?”
“Professional curiosity. I wanted to see if your version of events would line up with your brother’s,” Reiki said with a light shrug and an easy going smile. “I take it then that your brother did not exaggerate.”
“He did not,” Seto said begrudgingly. “After Battle City, I only saw the Pharaoh once more before he left for Egypt. Yugi came back. He did not. At first… I thought perhaps it was simply because the Puzzle… That maybe, if I simply fixed it...”
“I take it that this was not the case?” Seto straightened further as Reiki’s eyes seemed to bear straight into him, searching for weakness. How was he doing this? Seto did not want to reveal the deepest parts of his soul to this complete stranger. “It’s fine, Seto. Everything stays within these walls.”
“I sought out one last Duel with the Pharaoh,” Seto finally said, hating the idea of Reiki coming up with his own conclusions more than being honest with the man. “I didn’t even get that.”
“What exactly happened?” Reiki seemed honestly curious. “Out of scientific curiosity, of course. From your point of view, what happened when you were gone for those four years?”
“If it’s in the interest of science,” Seto replied automatically. Scientific logs he could do. “I had managed to accurately pinpoint the dimension in which the Pharaoh was located with the dimension canon, however, I had been concerned that there may be more alternate versions of the Pharaoh that I had not accounted for. For me, it was only a few hours in which we discussed why I was there. He refused to Duel me and sent me back, claiming that a Duel was not what I sought.”
Seto clenched his fists, angry that the Pharaoh had dared to suggest that Seto did not know his own thoughts. He had been as arrogant as ever. “I went all that way for nothing,” Seto growled, unable to help himself. “And what was I left with? Four missing years, a brother who doesn’t want to talk to me, and a world that moved on without me. I was launched into a future that is meaningless without the Pharaoh in it.”
It was a slip that Seto hadn’t even noticed himself making. Dr. Reiki had not interrupted once and remained infuriatingly calm. “You think the future is meaningless because a ghost that was not meant to exist in this world doesn’t exist in it?” Seto froze and did not answer the question. He crossed his arms across his chest, hoping to block the therapist from him. “You don’t have to tell me now. You can tell me at our next appointment.”
Seto had no intention of returning to this therapist’s office.
 It had been three months since Seto Kaiba had wandered back into Yugi’s life. Yugi had once thought that maybe he and Seto could be friends. Now? There was a lot of resentment within Yugi regarding how Seto just left Mokuba. He knew that it wasn’t his place to be angry about it. Mokuba was Seto’s younger brother, not his. He shouldn’t care this much. But he’d seen how upset Mokuba had been when Seto left. Yugi was there when Seto wasn’t. Maybe that did make it Yugi’s place. Yugi had, after all, been the one to help Mokuba through the worst of it.
And there were a lot of complex emotions that went into Seto being back. Most of them were conflicting. However, there was one thing that rang out underneath all those emotions, and it was that Yugi was, at the very least, grateful that Seto was still alive. He was grateful that there was another chance to try at being friends with Seto. Not only that, he was grateful that Mokuba didn’t have to say goodbye forever to his only remaining family. Mokuba wasn’t orphaned for the third time. Sure, Mokuba had managed to build a life in Seto’s absence.Yugi had been the one that Mokuba went to when he first wanted to ask Rebecca out, and at the time, Yugi could only think that it should have been Seto instead. Seto should’ve been the one to listen to Mokuba’s concerns about asking his crush out. It should’ve been Seto who had been waiting for Mokuba to come home from his first date. And it should’ve been Seto that Mokuba told when things were starting to get serious. Maybe Yugi shouldn’t be fixating on the things Seto should have been there for. He was starting to get angry again.
Didn’t Seto realize how deeply selfish he had been? When he came back, there wasn’t a single apology. Nothing that admitted he had been wrong. Nothing about how it might have impacted everyone around him. No, it had been him complaining that Mokuba wouldn’t let him use his laptop. It was arguing with Yugi when he suggested they dismantle the dimension hopping pod. Nothing to admit why Mokuba and Yugi might feel the way they do.
Yugi was familiar with the layout of Kaiba Corp but in his frustration, he must have gotten distracted and taken a wrong turn somewhere. “Great,” he muttered to no one in particular, realizing he was lost. He couldn’t even remember how he got here - just that he had wanted to be alone and started walking. Seemed he was more up in his thoughts than he first realized. Yugi couldn’t even blame Atem for this and the knife twisted in his heart just a little deeper at the mere thought of Atem’s name.
Yugi had put the memory loss down to ADHD when it first started happening - when Atem first began sharing his mind. He didn’t want to worry his friends about it back then. He still didn’t like to worry his friends now... Yugi realized he was starting to get lost in his thoughts again. Now while figuring out how to get back to his office was not a good time to get lost in his own head. This needed all his attention, especially when he was on a floor of Kaiba Corp he’s never visited before. Kaiba Corp’s indistinguishable, monotone hallways made it difficult to create markers in his head of where he was. He was completely turned around when he opened a door and found himself in a circular room with bright lights and a different kind of clinical feel. He looked around, trying to figure out where he was. A computer voice announced, “Program start.”
“Sorry, I didn’t ask for any program to start,” Yugi called out, well-aware it was probably not programmed for his voice if he’d never been there. Did Mokuba know about this? Was this a leftover project from before Seto left? His eyes went wide as the room around him shimmered digitally . “Okay, that’s freaky,” Yugi remarked, turning to where he entered. He frowned when he saw the door was gone. Instead, what appeared to be a church now surrounded him. Only Seto would be dramatic enough to recreate a church within the walls of Kaiba Corp. “How am I supposed to get out of here?”
“How did you get in here, Yugi?”
Yugi froze. The voice was so familiar. So achingly familiar that Yugi was certain he had to be dreaming. Except that voice would never call him by his name. That voice had only ever called him “partner” or “my other self”. It was so familiar and so wrong. He slowly turned around and oh, it was almost him too. No, this was not the man he missed every day - so much that it ached in his chest. Yugi had thought he had fully moved on, but seeing how he looked when he shared a body with Yugi felt like a knife to his heart. If Yugi killed Seto, it was only fair, because Seto had stabbed Yugi in the heart with this false image of Atem first.
“You aren’t him,” Yugi said, surprised at how dry his throat was. He cleared his throat, trying to keep the tears from spilling. Oh, he had every right to find Seto and stab him for this. But killing Seto wouldn’t be a balm to this aching pain. “You… You’re gone. You’ve been gone for years.”
The false image didn’t seem to understand this. He titled his head, as if he were confused. It hurt so bad that Yugi felt like there was a small black hole in his heart, ripping apart his insides. Yugi would give anything to put a stopper in this pain at this moment. Every single feeling he ever had about Atem came rushing back. The last time he saw this face, it had taken everything in him to not foolishly beg him to stay. To beg the love of his life to abandon his family for him.
No. Yugi had let Atem walk out of his life. What stood before Yugi wasn’t him. Yugi desperately reminded himself of that, clinging to reality. This wasn’t Atem and it would be unwise to lose himself to a fantasy. It was so hard to remember the truth of what happened when Yugi so desperately wanted it to be him. He wanted to have made the selfish choice.
“I don’t understand,” the image said.
Yugi nearly choked on his own tears, the scar ripping open. He’d thought he’d moved on and managed to get over this grief. It now threatened to swallow him whole and drown him. “Computer, end program,” Yugi said, not even certain it would work. The hologram remained standing in front of him, looking confused by Yugi’s reaction. Of course it didn’t, Yugi thought again, the panic setting in. Kaiba couldn’t have possibly known how deep that friendship went or when it had bled into romantic feelings. It had been something Yugi had kept so close to his chest. “How did Kaiba end this program?”
Once again, the false image of Atem seemed confused by the question. “Kaiba normally comes in and duels me,” he said.
Of course. Just like the first time he was forced to duel Atem. Must it always be like that? Yugi regretted never once dueling Atem for fun. Maybe then he wouldn’t have this hard association with dueling Atem and Atem’s death. Yugi’s life was full of those little “if”s. If he had done this, if he had done that. Those little “if”s had never been so loud as they were right now. He thought he might go deaf from how they were screaming at him. “If I duel you and win, would that end the program?”
“Kaiba would typically leave after he dueled me.”
Yugi took that as a “yes”. “I don’t have a Duel Disk,” Yugi remarked with a frown. He also left his deck at home. Well, the one he was favoring now, anyway. The false image of Atem’s eyes brightened, reaching out to grab Yugi’s hand. “Hey, wait, what are you doing?”
“You said you don’t have a Duel Disk,” he said, pulling Yugi towards the altar. Oh, this was just sick. Kaiba couldn’t have known Yugi would wind up interacting with this false image of Atem. He was certain that whatever reason Kaiba had for programming a spare Duel Disk in the altar, it wasn’t to hurt Yugi specifically. But all Yugi could think about now was how he’d always thought… Maybe, something could have worked out.
Something could’ve changed, and Atem really could’ve stayed with him forever. They could have built a proper life. Yugi blinked back tears as he reminded himself this wasn’t real. This wasn’t really Atem. Atem was dead. Atem had made his choice and Yugi had no choice but to continue to live on. It would have been an insult to Atem’s memory if he hadn’t moved forward.
Yugi yanked his hand back from the AI and reminded himself he needed to hold himself together. He couldn’t afford to get distracted like this. He could only think of how he once thought that… He banished the thought from his mind. “You don’t have to touch me,” Yugi said, shakier than he wanted to be. “Just…show me.”
Once again, the AI seemed confused by Yugi’s reactions. He imagined Seto must not have been as willing to remember that Atem was dead. The AI might not even be aware that it’s based on a dead man. Yugi couldn’t bring himself to ask the AI if he knew. It was a question that Yugi knew would only hurt him, regardless of the answer. He gestured to the empty altar and Yugi was instantly frustrated.
“It takes a while to generate sometimes.”
Generate… Yugi’s thought didn’t even finish as a Duel Disk began to materialize in front of him. Well, that certainly was never released to the public. “Solid Vision Duel Disk,” Yugi said, unable to help but be a little impressed by Seto’s tenacity. Out of all the things he expected, that was not one of them. It reminded him a little bit of the Duel Links network that Mokuba had released shortly after Kaiba’s disappearance. “I’m guessing he was working on this before he left?” The AI did not have an answer for him. He made a mental note to ask Mokuba about the project later. “Would it also let me build a deck here?”
“Kaiba uses virtual cards.”
It was such a simple answer and Yugi frowned. It was strange for this conversation to be framed within the context of what Kaiba did. Kaiba did this, Kaiba did that. Yugi and Atem’s conversations when Atem had been alive were rarely about Seto. “Right,” he said, putting the Solid Vision Duel Disk on his left arm. Some strange headgear was there too and Yugi barely figured out how to put it on. The mere thought of his deck back at home loaded cards into the virtual Duel Disk.
“Alright. Alright,” he said slowly, not sure if he should address the false image as he would Atem. Calling this fake Atem ‘my other self’ felt wrong but calling Atem by his name felt wrong too. Surely there was a compromise somewhere. “Then, let’s duel.”
The AI activated his Duel Disk a little too quickly for Yugi’s liking. It was too reminiscent of the ceremonial duel. Another detail Kaiba couldn’t have possibly been aware of.
“Let’s.”
Yugi nodded as the cards appeared before him, his eyes widening. It was an exact replica of his deck - as if the system was aware of his thoughts. It even shuffled the deck automatically and drew five cards. This is what Seto had been working on when he’d disappeared. Yugi got a glimpse of it four years ago and it was still strange to see. His starting hand wasn’t the worst he’d ever had as he examined the cards that had been generated. What deck did Seto give this AI? “You go first,” Yugi said, deciding to get a glimpse of what was in the AI’s deck.
Yugi noted that Seto had given the AI a paper card deck. He wondered if there was a reason behind it or if Seto just wanted to see if he could make solid vision cards that looked and acted like real cards. “First I summon Magician’s Rod in attack mode,” the AI stated and Yugi raised a brow. So it was based around Dark Magician. He shouldn’t have been surprised and yet he was. “I put the spell card Dark Magical Circle in my hand, and now I activate it. This allows me to look at the top three cards of my deck and add a card to my hand, so long as it has ‘Dark Magician’ in its text.” The AI revealed Dark Magic Inheritance to Yugi before returning the other two cards to his deck. “Next I discard Magician’s Robe from my hand to special summon Apprentice Illusion Magician. When she’s special summoned, she adds a Dark Magician from my deck to my hand! That ends my turn.”
Nothing that Yugi couldn’t handle. “Alright, my turn then,” Yugi said as he drew. “First, I’m going to summon Chocolate Magician Girl! She allows me to discard a spellcaster from my hand to draw a card!” He discarded Dark Magician, pulling out Clear Kuriboh. “I’m setting two cards,” he announced as he set two cards. Chocolate didn’t have the attack points to withstand an attack from Apprentice Illusion Magician. If he attacked Magician’s Rod, then he’d be wide open for an attack from Apprentice. “That ends my turn. Let’s see what you can do.”
The AI had the audacity to smirk. “Is that the best you’ve got,” he said, almost teasingly. Once again, Yugi had to remind himself that this wasn’t real. This wasn’t really Atem and he couldn’t let himself get lost in memories. “Such a shame. I’d expect better of you. I draw!” Yugi’s brow furrowed as he tried to think of what the AI could possibly do in an attempt to direct his attention away from the comment. “I’m going to set a card. And now, Apprentice will attack Chocolate!”
Yugi had gotten familiar with people being caught off guard by Chocolate’s effect but he didn’t expect the AI to actually be one of them. He couldn’t help himself: he laughed as Chocolate turned back to wink at him. “Really, I would think you’d know better than that,” Yugi said as Chocolate sprang out of the way of Apprentice’s attack while her wand waved to call back a familiar friend. “When Chocolate is targeted for attack, she calls forth a fallen ally to help and halves the attack of the attacker! Come forth, Dark Magician!”
Dark Magician sprang up on the field, twisting out in a graceful arc. Yugi had to admire the amount of time and dedication Seto put forth into each monster’s animated movements. Every card seemed to have its own personality.
“What?”
The AI’s response was so like Atem’s that Yugi almost wanted to believe that it was him and that he was dueling his old friend and… he couldn’t get caught up on that. This wasn’t Atem, he reminded himself. He needed to focus. “That’s not all! Your attack is redirected to Dark Magician! And Dark Magician strikes back with Dark Magic Attack!”
Apprentice was destroyed. The AI smirked, as if this was a minor inconvenience, as if he’d expected Yugi to have a counter. It was lines of code, Yugi reminded himself. He was nothing more than lines of code. The AI didn’t have feelings. “Very good, Yugi,” Atem said and it twisted in Yugi’s heart. He wanted to ask the AI to call him ‘partner’ instead but that would be giving in to the delusion. He couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do so. “Magician’s Rod cannot hope to destroy its master. I end my turn.”
Yugi drew into his deck, pulling out Berry Magician Girl. “I summon Berry Magician Girl in attack mode,” Yugi announced, pushing past his complicated feelings towards the AI. He needed to get out of here. He needed to focus. If Yugi was right, then Kaiba would’ve programmed this with some of Atem’s more powerful cards to support his ace. Yugi had no say in the deck this AI was playing. That thought twisted like a knife as he remembered how Atem and he used to build decks together. This was something they did together. “When Berry Magician Girl is summoned, she adds another Magician Girl to my hand! And I chose none other than Dark Magician Girl. Which I then discard to activate Chocolate’s effect of allowing me to draw another card.” This draw gave him nothing he could use right away but it didn’t matter. “Next I activate Gold Sarcophagus, banishing Monster Reborn from my deck for my next two Standby phases. Finally, Dark Magician attacks Magician’s Rod with Dark Magic Attack!”
“Not so fast,” the AI announced and Yugi realized he’d made a mistake in attacking too quickly. He’d forgotten about Atem’s set card. “I reveal my facedown, Time Chain! Your attack is negated and both our monsters are now chained. They are unable to attack or defend for the next two turns, returning back to our fields in the end phase.”
Perhaps this AI might have something of value to it, Yugi thought absently. It was definitely not Atem. He had to remind himself of that. This was not Atem and it would be foolish to lose himself in the fantasy. However, it certainly played well enough to help new Duelists and returning Duelists rediscover the game. It was the first time in a long while that Yugi had felt honestly challenged and it was a bit refreshing. “Well played…,” Yugi said, halting himself just before he slipped out an ‘other me’. “I end my turn.”
“It’s my turn,” he said before drawing a card and examining it. “I set a card and end my turn.”
Yugi’s brow furrowed as he tried to think of what the set card could be. There were cards he was familiar with in the AI’s deck so far but a couple seemed new. Like they were cards Kaiba thought that Atem might use with no concern about the input that Yugi himself would have. It was pointless to dwell on this thought. “Alright. My turn,” Yugi said as he drew yet again. Marshmacron. Not bad, he thought.
“My trap activates,” the AI announced. “Reveal Eternal Soul! Eternal Soul allows me special summon my Dark Magician onto the field. And now Dark Magical Circle activates, targeting Berry Magician Girl to be banished!”
“Not so fast,” Yugi said, his reaction much quicker than he thought possible. “Berry, when targeted by a card effect, switches to defense mode and calls forth another Magician Girl from my deck! Say hello to Apple Magician Girl!”
Apple Magician Girl swooped in, a light peal of laugh from her as she twirled around. Berry Magician Girl was still banished, but now he had another defense lined up. “You seem to have a lot of Magician Girls.”
“You would’ve liked ‘em,” Yugi said, unable to help himself in his retort. There was a small smile creeping across his face as he remembered how much Atem liked monsters like Watapon and Kuriboh. There was no doubt in his mind that if the Magician Girls existed when Atem was still sharing a body with him, they would’ve had them all in their deck. He wanted to ask Atem if he remembered that and it hit Yugi like a truck. He was starting to forget to remind himself this wasn’t Atem. He was getting too lost in this. “I mean… Nevermind. I set a monster face down in defense mode. Next I activate my trap, Dimension Sphinx, targeting Apple Magician Girl. You should see what it does. That ends my turn.”
Yugi would’ve liked to attack but without Dark Magician, he had no hope of getting past Atem’s own Dark Magician. The solution for removing Dark Magician was further in his deck. Insead, he just had to hope that the AI’s deck was not as well thought out as half the decks he and Atem used to build. It was Kaiba building a deck around Dark Magician, after all. “I draw,” the AI announced. “The effect of Eternal Soul allows me to put Thousand Knives from my deck into my hand. And now I activate Bond Between Teacher and Student, which special summons Dark Magician Girl and set a spell card. Next I activate Thousand Knives and target your set card!”
“Thanks,” Yugi shot back as Thousand Knives destroyed the first Marshmacaron. “Because when Marshmaracron is destroyed, it allows me to special summon from my deck two more Marshmaracrons in defense mode!”
“Fine,” Atem responded as he turned over Dark Magic Inheritance. “I activate Dark Magic Inheritance by banishing Bond Between Teacher and Student and Thousand Knives from my graveyard to add Magician’s Combination to my hand, which I now set. And now… Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl will use Twin Burst Magic to destroy both of your Marshmaracrons! That ends my turn.”
Yugi was expecting that. He suspected the AI might learn from previous mistakes and thus the reluctance to attack Chocolate Magician Girl or Apple Magician Girl. The only safe monsters to attack had been those Marshmacarons. It’s exactly what Yugi would’ve done. Yugi’s next draw provided him with Silent Magician LVL 8. He couldn’t summon this without the first stage so there was only one choice. “I activate Chocolate’s effect by discarding Silent Magician LVL 8 to draw a card!” Magician’s Defense, which was workable with both Chocolate and Apple on the field. “Since it’s been two turns since Time Chain was activated, Dark Magician returns to the field! I’ll set a card and attack Dark Magician with Dark Magician!”
“What?”
“That’s right, both Dark Magicians are destroyed. But that’s not all,” Yugi said as he revealed the Dark Magic Veil in his hand. “I activate Dark Magic Veil, allowing me to pay 1000 life points to summon a Dark spellcaster from my hand or graveyard. And I chose Dark Magician! That ends my turn!”
The biggest threat on Atem’s board was taken care of. Dark Magician was a key component in most of his strategies and if he didn’t have it, then Yugi could focus on the next threat. Whatever was in his deck, Yugi was confident he could take care of it. “First, I activate the spell card Card of Sanctity,” he announced. “This requires us both to draw until we have six cards in hand.” Then he must not have anything useful in hand, Yugi thought as he drew his next four cards. “I now activate Chaos Form! By sacrificing Black Luster Soldier, I can ritual summon Magician of Black Chaos MAX!”
“What,” Yugi said, taken aback. Now there was a card that neither of them had ever used. Yugi couldn’t even afford that card when Atem was still in his heart. Yugi had been unable to track down a copy of his own. Kaiba gave this version of Atem that card? It was a reminder that this wasn’t real and it hurt more than Yugi expected. It broke the immersion. If Yugi didn’t have that card in his possession, then Atem could not possibly have it in his. That’s how it always worked. “You can’t have that card.”
It was a stupid statement and Atem did not acknowledge it. He didn’t blame him. “I’m setting a card as well. Next I’m activating Magical Dimension to tribute Magician’s Rod and destroy Apple Magician girl,” he said. “And now, Magician of Chaos MAX attacks Dark Magician!”
There wasn’t anything Yugi could do to stop him from destroying Dark Magician. Yugi eyed his life points as they dropped from 7000 to 6700. It’d been some time since Yugi had taken damage in a Duel from his opponent. Exactly four years, actually. “I activate my trap, Dig of Destiny,” he said as his set card flipped over. “When I take battle damage, I can draw a card!”
“As you wish,” Atem said, and Yugi felt another pang as he realized the smile on this version of Atem had never left his face. He knew for a fact Kaiba had never actually seen a smile like the one on Atem’s face. It was relaxed, open, and unburdened. “That ends my turn.”
Yugi examined the two cards added to his hand. Lemon Magician Girl and Mystical Space Typhoon. “It’s been two turns since Gold Sarcophagus was activated, thus Monster Reborn is now added to my hand,” he said, having no intention of using it. He didn’t use it last time and he wouldn’t use it this time either. Instead, he set both Dark Horizon and Metaphortess. “I activate Magical Contract Door. With this card, I add a spell card to your hand which adds a level 7 or higher Dark type monster to my hand.”
He tossed Monster Reborn to Atem’s hand and felt the knife twist in as Atem’s eyes widened at the card in his hand. He knew that this false Atem would activate that card, much like the real Atem had and Kaiba had. He was prepared for that to happen. “Why would you add this card to my hand?”
“Consider it a gift,” Yugi said, refocusing again. “To make up for this. I activate Mystical Space Typhoon, destroying Eternal Soul. And when Eternal Soul is destroyed, so are all your monsters! Now, Chocolate Magician Girl can attack you directly!”
With 4900 life points left, Atem was not in a good position. Yugi almost felt bad. He didn’t want to have to do this again and yet his hand was forced. He had to beat this version of Atem in a Duel. It helped when he reminded himself that this wasn’t real. It was a memory being played back to him. “Well played,” Atem said yet again, a smirk on his face as he drew. “I’m setting a card and activating the card you gave me to special summon Dark Magician Girl. I end my turn.”
Dark Magician Girl? If he had summoned Dark Magician, he could’ve attempted to banish Chocolate Magician Girl. Yugi’s brow furrowed as he realized there must be a deeper strategy to this choice and that it was something he wasn’t prepared for. What it was, Yugi had no idea. He added Green Gadget to his hand. Well, he could certainly try to stop him. “Fine,” he said. “In that case, I summon Green Gadget. And when Green Gadget is normal summoned, I can add Red Gadget to my hand!”
“Exactly what I was waiting for,” Atem announced. “I activate Dark Renewal, sacrificing both Green Gadget and Dark Magician Girl to bring back Magician of Black Chaos MAX!”
Well, that was not what Yugi wanted to see happen. He supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised but he had expected Atem to have chosen Dark Magician. Once again, he didn’t understand why Atem wouldn’t bring back Dark Magician. It could easily banish Chocolate if he did that. “I end my turn.”
“I activate Rebellion,” Atem announced after he drew. “Chocolate Magician Girl enters my control for the remainder of my turn. And now, she attacks you directly!” Chocolate’s eyes went blank as she shifted towards Atem’s side of the field. Her wand went high over her head before her attack connected to Yugi’s chest. Yugi had expected it to hurt emotionally but he absolutely was not expecting Chocolate’s direct attack to hit that hard. It took everything he had to stand his ground. “Next Magician of Black Chaos MAX attacks you directly too!”
That did it. Yugi could not hold his ground and was knocked back by the force of the attack. “I activate my trap, Dark Horizon,” he grunted out, pushing himself back up off the ground. He had no idea why Kaiba looked at this card game and thought ‘this doesn’t hurt enough’ but he absolutely had enough of it. “With this card, when I take damage, I can special summon a Dark type monster with an attack equal to or less than the damage I took! And I chose Dark Magician!”
He’d been in rougher situations than this. Sure, 2300 lifepoints wasn’t a good place to be but he at least had Dark Magician and Chocolate Magician Girl on the field. “Well then,” Atem said with a grin as Chocolate blinked and seemed almost stunned by what she’d done under Atem’s control. Once again, Yugi hated to give Kaiba any praise during this Duel, but he was impressed by the fact that the emotions Chocolate expressed seemed so genuine as she shifted back to his side of the field. “You brought him back. Good for you, Yugi. Control of Chocolate Magician Girl returns back to you. That ends my turn.”
“You aren’t supposed to call me Yugi,”  Yugi said, unable to help himself. At least no one but this line of code in the form of his long gone boyfriend was here to see him in this moment of weakness. “You… you used to call me partner,” Yugi said as he drew a card, examining the card he had used against Aigami. Dimension Guardian was useful in that duel but it would be even more useful with whatever this AI would throw his way. “We were a team,” he said as he set Dimension Guardian and Red Gadget. “I”m setting a monster and a card. My turn is over.”
“Is that so,” the AI replied, only barely acknowledging the statement. Yugi nodded. “Would you prefer if I kept calling you Yugi or do you wish for me to call you as I did?”
Yugi felt numb. He didn’t know which he preferred. Both options were terrible reminders of what once was. He didn’t know what to choose when both felt like his heart was being ripped wide open. “I don’t know,” Yugi admitted, unable to help but look over the design. It was fairly accurate, Yugi noted, except… this version had just a little bit more definition in his upper arms than Yugi had at the time. It seemed like the shirt the AI wore clung just a little tighter to his chest too. It was maybe a little bit flattering, Yugi decided. “I suppose it depends on how like Atem Kaiba programmed you to be. If you… really are him… you would call me as you used to.”
“Well, then… partner,” the AI said, as if testing the word out. Yugi was right: it was like a knife twisted into his chest. It hurt and yet… he liked hearing Atem’s voice say that word again. It had been so long since he’d heard it. “I’ll start my turn by activating my own Monster Reborn to special summon Dark Magician Girl! And now, she’ll attack Chocolate Magician Girl!”
Yugi knew exactly why he’d do that. Chocolate’s effect was only once per a turn and he couldn’t risk using her effect on Atem’s Dark Magician Girl. He could not bring her attack points up high enough to beat over Magician of Black Chaos MAX. “I discard Kiwi Magician Girl to activate her effect,” he announced. “When Kiwi is discarded, she lends her strength and the strength of all the Magician Girls in my graveyard to any Magician Girls on my side of the field! Chocolate Magician Girl now has 2800 attack and can destroy Dark Magician Girl!”
Atem laughed and Yugi remembered how rare that sound truly was. When would Kaiba have heard it? Was it just an imagining of how it would sound or was the AI responding to his thoughts, the way the Duel Links system was designed to? He honestly couldn’t tell the difference between that laugh and the real Atem’s laugh. “I should have expected you to have a plan to protect your monsters,” Atem said. “In that case, Magician of Black Chaos MAX will destroy your set monster and that will end my turn. Make your move… partner.”
Perhaps he shouldn’t have told the AI how Atem actually addressed him. He hated that it was capable of learning and seemed to respond to the exact thoughts and desires Yugi had long buried. Hated that it became more lifelike over the course of this duel. Yugi wished that it wasn’t so damn similar to the real thing.
“I start my turn by activating the magic card Pot of Greed! This allows me to draw two cards from my deck,” he said, replacing the spell card with Silent Magician LVL 4 and Level Up. Now that was exactly what he needed. “I summon the field Silent Magician LVL 4 and follow that up by activating Level Up! This turns Silent Magician LVL 4 into her LVL 8 form! And now she attacks Magician of Black Chaos MAX!” Atem’s life points went down to 4200 and Yugi knew now that it was basically over. “Are you ready?”
“You can’t win this turn,” Atem countered. “Chocolate Magician Girl doesn’t have enough attack points to end the duel. You have no choice but to attack with her and end your turn.”
Yugi’s mouth twitched, almost in a smile. “Are you sure about that,” he countered, unable to help himself. It was something Atem always got to say and well, it turns out he had a point. It was fun to say. “I activate my trap, Final Gaes! Final Gaes only activates when a level 7 or higher monster is destroyed! It banishes all monsters in both our graveyards and summons the highest level spellcaster in those banished monsters. I summon Magician of Black Chaos MAX! It’s over! Chocolate Magician Girl and Magician of Black Chaos MAX attacks!”
Atem’s eyes closed and Yugi felt his heart twitch. “Congratulations,” he said, simply. “You win.”
Much like the last duel he had with Atem, this victory left a hollow feeling in Yugi’s chest. The reminder that this version of Atem wasn’t real was weighing on his heart as the AI vanished right before him. The real Atem was gone. The program dissolved around Yugi and the way out was revealed to him. And yet… Yugi almost wished he could live in this simulation. He couldn’t, though. Yugi left the room, intent on never looking back.
 The minute Yugi got back into his office, he leaned back in his chair. There was only one person he’d known to have tried to bring back the dead. He’d seen what grief could do to a person. And when it came to Kaibas, he knew that Seto absolutely could do some damage in his grief. He’d seen how Mokuba handled things when Kaiba decided that he needed to venture out into the afterlife to see Atem again. It was why he picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number. “Yugi boy,” came Pegasus’s voice from the phone. “You’re calling earlier than usual.”
“Ah, suppose you’re right,” Yugi said, noting that it was indeed a day earlier than he usually calls Pegasus. “Sorry, I don’t have wine with me. You’re drinking on your own.”
“That’s just rude of you,” Pegasus remarked and Yugi laughed, the unspoken rib in the air. “I suppose there’s a reason for this call, then?”
Yugi thought about  the duel with the hologram version of his long dead boyfriend. The loving recreation of each detail down to the exact way he’d worn his hair was hard to miss. In a way, it was a ‘nice’ reminder that no matter how much time passed, he’d always be the second choice after Atem. Yugi had long accepted that Atem’s shadow hung over him. As much as he’d loved Atem, it had been quite a surprise to realize that everyone else loved Atem too. “ We’ve talked about  how it felt when you lost Cyndia but,” Yugi paused, trying to figure out the best jumping off point for this. “I think… I think Kaiba could benefit from a similar talk. He’s trying to do what you did with her.”
For a moment, Pegasus did not speak. Yugi had assumed it was because Pegasus would tell him that Seto did not like him but instead… “How is Kaiba-boy stealing souls? I thought those shadow powers were lost when Atem passed on.”
“The hologram thing,” Yugi clarified. “He’s made a life-like version of Atem out of a hologram.”
“Oh! Well, you know, you simply must be more specific, Yugi-boy,” Pegasus chided as if they had simply been discussing dinner plans. Yugi never understood how Pegasus could be so casual about this. “Do you know when he made this hologram?”
“No,” Yugi admitted. The construction on the AI was almost seamless and suggested that months of research and coding went into it. Yugi had to assume this meant that it must have been completed before Kaiba left. Even Seto couldn’t have made something as perfect as that hologram was in only a few days. “I think it might’ve been made four years ago but that’s just an estimation based on how the AI works.”
“I see,” Pegasus cooed. “Kaiba-boy had a thing for the Pharaoh, did he?”
Yugi hadn’t thought of it like that but he supposed it must’ve been the case. It would explain some of the weirder interactions that Atem had with Kaiba when Atem was still alive. “I suppose,” Yugi said with a shrug. “Are you going to talk to him or not?”
“I’ll find the time.” Before Pegasus could say another word, Yugi hung up.
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renegadewangs · 3 years
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Van Zieks - the Examination, part 5
Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).
Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I’m outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I’ve missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I’m using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what’s said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn’t matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
It’s time to return to the first game for case 5, The Unspeakable Story!
Episode 5: The Unspeakable Story – Part 1
Prepare yourselves, this is a big one! So big, even, that I'm going to have to split it into two parts. Fortunately, we can skip over the entire Investigation segment, because virtually none of it is relevant to Van Zieks. In fact, we don't even learn Van Zieks is the prosecutor until we enter the courtroom and see him standing there. Somehow, no one thought to ask who Ryu would be facing. What we do learn during the Investigation is confirmation that McGilded was indeed a lying scumbag who murdered Thrice-fired Mason. He asked Gina to lie for him in a court of law, too. So indeed, Ryu backed the wrong horse in The Runaway Room and Van Zieks was right to suspect the defense of deceit. He was wrong in how he worded half his arguments, though.
An extra thing worth noting is that after the conversation in which the blood is found on Gina's coat and the truth of McGilded comes out, it's revealed that Gregson was hiding nearby in the shadows. He insists he didn't eavesdrop and only just walked in, but it's implied much later in the trial that he knew about the blood on the coat. This means that Gregson is, from this point on, holding the full knowledge that McGilded was McGuilty in the omnibus murder.
So into the courtroom we go, where it is shown we're facing Van Zieks. (And nobody is surprised, because who else would it have been? Auchi?) It is now two months after the Runaway Room and the two Clouded Kokoro cases, so immediately upon starting the trial, the judge basically asks Van Zieks whether he's gone insane- in his own words, that is. First he asks how many years it's been since Van Zieks retired, to which Van Zieks replies that it's been five. The judge notes that Van Zieks resurfaced rather suddenly two months ago, (then basically handled three cases in a single week,) and showed up again today.
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HAH. I love how on the nose this judge is when it comes to dissing the prosecution. He goes on to state that Van Zieks used to deal exclusively in matters concerned with 'the highest echelons of society and government', yet today he's trying 'a simple case of burglary and murder'. We already learned this from Gregson in case 1-4, but it's nice to have it repeated again.
Van Zieks replies that there's two things he cannot abide: “Wealthy scoundrels who hide behind a mask of philanthropy-” (hi McGilded!) and... “Secondly- even more loathsome... Those wily scoundrels who masquerade as allies only to effect total betrayal in the final hour.”
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So that settles it then. He's specifically taken on his three most recent cases because there were Japanese people involved. He's also outright admitting that which Ryu had already guessed: Van Zieks hates Japanese people and going by his wording (“betrayal”, etc.) he has some bad experiences. Ryu wonders whether that 'torrid look of hatred' in Van Zieks's eyes is directed at him or at all Japanese people. Frankly, I think that in a subconscious sense, it's neither. The way I see it, that torrid look of hatred is directed at a man who died ten years ago. But I'll get back to this when it's time to address the backstory. The judge finds that an “alarmingly scathing explanation”, but welcomes the Reaper of the Bailey back to court all the same.
I love the implication that Van Zieks can apparently just come and go as he pleases in terms of prosecuting. Retirement can just be upturned on a whim and he's allowed to choose any case he wants. Who even is keeping him informed on which cases are happening and who the defense is? Is there a Chief Prosecutor in play we don't know about or is Stronghart slipping notes into his letterbox? Or has Van Zieks been entering the prosecutor's office every day for the past two months, demanding to hear news of 'that Nipponese attorney'?
So anyway, Van Zieks lays out the opening statement, pours himself a glass of wine, accuses Ryu of jumping to conclusions and reveals that he has witnesses. Remember when he threw aside his cloak halfway into 1-3 and it was seen as a big deal? … Yeah. It's not much anymore, now. He gets rid of it before the first witnesses have even taken the stand. The guys called forth are literal criminals who happened to break into the scene of the crime and, according to Van Zieks, “will face trial in the very near future” for their “various trespasses”. Alright, so he's acknowledging he's called forth some sketchy witnesses, but considers the murder itself far more sinister than their burglary.
Ryu manages to prove the taller Skulkin brother fired a gun at the crime scene and in doing so, struck poor innocent (S)Holmes. (Ryu presents a picture of a blood-stained calendar with a bullet in it to prove this, yet ten minutes later, he'll present the exact same picture and the entire court will act as if they'd never seen it before. Awkwaaard.) Van Zieks pours himself another glass of wine, toasts to Ryu's incompetence and later has another micro-aggression:
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Scumbag points! And also possibly hilarious foreshadowing if he's referring to either Asogi Sr. or Mikotoba here. Though it's hard to say how well acquainted Van Zieks was with (S)Holmes and his partner roughly 16 to 10 years ago. Anyway, Van Zieks flings another chalice and basically admits that he already knew these two criminals gunned down (S)Holmes, but made a deal with them not to get into that. Though technically, Ryu was the one who got into it by proving it in court, so Van Zieks didn't break any unscrupulous deals. And maybe he was even expecting Ryu to do so? Maybe that's why he was pushing Ryu to present evidence? Either way, Van Zieks now owes 'his Nipponese friend' a word of gratitude, since he helpfully confirmed the two brothers couldn't possibly have shot the victim. Only one bullet was fired from their pistol, after all, and if it hit (S)Holmes it couldn't possibly have killed Windibank.
Van Zieks proceeds to “take a moment to consider the aforementioned Great Detective, Mr. Sholmes” (KEEP THIS LINE IN MIND), and brings up the security cameras (S)Holmes planted at the pawnshop so that he can present a picture of the defendant waving a pistol at the victim. Why didn't he present this evidence immediately instead of asking two shady burglars to testify? Who even knows, man. He's being erratic, just as the judge said. The jurors have seen enough and vote guilty, so it's time for a Summation Examination! Van Zieks poured himself another glass of wine before Ryu even asserted his right to that, because he knew it was coming. He has to stand in silence and so he will drink.
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(Juror No 1, aka Mr. Garrideb, proceeds to piss me off by oggling the maid juror. I thought the whole point of this character was that his wife misunderstood and jumped to conclusions; that she's been punishing him wrongfully since he does indeed love her and will stand by her side no matter what, but apparently not.) Some tomfoolery later, we require the prosecution's help to prove stereoscopes are just as cool as wireless telegraphy.
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I honestly think it's hilarious that he's meant to stay silent but has broken that rule several times, so now we're taunting him by asking him a direct question during the Examination. So after it's been proven the two criminals moved some stuff around inside the pawnshop, four jurors vote not-guilty and the trial continues. The two witnesses get called back to the stand and---
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… Okay. So he definitely is against perjury. He seems to hate it, even. He apparently keeps giving them the evil eye as they testify, intimidating Ringo into telling the truth. But I just can't shake the memory of him feeding a lie to Shamspeare in Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro. Also, the game very much caught me off guard during this testimony when I presented a piece of evidence which wasn't correct, but instead of leading to a penalty led me to a unique set of dialogue not found when presenting other wrong evidence. That is to say, I presented a picture of Gina holding the sole gun to disprove the testimony that both she and Windibank were wielding guns, which led to:
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Isn't that what we often do in these games? Van Zieks clearly hasn't been paying attention. Anyway, the judge points out that so long as I couldn't prove that Gina was still holding the only gun some time later, when Windibank was shot, the evidence wasn't relevant. So I had to present the picture of Windibank's body (not holding a gun) instead. Ryu manages to point out through that picture that the Skulkin brothers were lying and-
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OKAY OKAY. I GET IT. Van Zieks hates perjury with a burning passion and Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro messed up. The trial continues on to the point where Ryu manages to suggest that the Skulkin brothers shot Windibank and Gina then locked the door to save herself. At first Van Zieks is shocked at the notion, but after Ryu details his logic, he just puts his hands down on the desk and chuckles.
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This is the first time we see something close to laughter from him, and it's not even really laughter. It's just a malicious, bitter little noise. In fact, we've never seen him smile. He's not even smiling now, as he cackles. That's a stark contrast from other prosecutors, who all smile/smirk as they gloat. Barok's facial expression barely changes at all. Are they building up to something? Anyway, the judge wonders why Van Zieks finds this amusing, as he found the argument quite persuasive himself. Van Zieks pours himself another glass of wine and says:
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“But such blatantly malicious conjuring tricks amount to nothing more than inexcusable pettifoggery here. Because you see, it contains a fatal flaw!”
Scumbag points! He then proceeds to imply all the members of the jury are too dimwitted to count (as he flings his chalice). Bullets, that is. There were two bullets found at the crime scene and there were two guns recovered, each having fired one bullet. So if the Skulkin brothers had shot (S)Holmes, they couldn't possibly have shot Windibank as well.
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Bye wine bottle, rip person sitting behind him. Van Zieks proceeds to slander Gina for being “far from a law-abiding citizen” and having “a past riddled with criminal misconduct”. To further illustrate his point, he presents a piece of evidence that the defendant attempted to steal the day beforehand, not with the subtlety of a pickpocket but by brute force and brazen impudence. Gregson loses it at this point, shouting out a loud “Hold it!” before losing his nerve and stammering his way through his protest. He mentions that there was a meeting with the prosecution service where it was agreed that piece of evidence wouldn't be used. Ryu is baffled and thinks this:
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And now I'm baffled as well, because thinking back on it... Yes, Gregson has talked about Van Zieks before in Investigation segments and has been called in to testify, but as far as I can recall, he hasn't ever addressed Van Zieks directly. Fascinating stuff. Van Zieks says he's unaware of this meeting- probably because he found out Ryu's defending later on and snatched this case up at the last second. Perhaps even took it from the originally-assigned prosecutor with brute force and brazen impudence. Gregson insists that 'the government bigwigs' were very insistent about not using the disc as evidence, to which Van Zieks says:
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Good gracious, Van Zieks is a loose cannon! … Or wait, maybe he's a reckless renegade? Or is he perhaps a prosecutor on the edge with nothing to lose? (Alright, put on a pot of coffee- we're gonna get to the bottom of this!) ...Either way, the prosecution thinks it's sufficiently made its case by establishing motive, opportunity and baseness of character.
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OY! I thought you don't read third-rate detective stories! But Iris specifically wrote that line into existence, so he must have. Me thinks we've got a closet Adventures of (S)Herlock (S)Holmes fan on our hands, here. The jury buys into his slander, votes guilty, Iris accuses him of being mean and Ryu enters Summation Examination mode a second time.
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Oh he knows what he's in for. He knows. Several minutes of talking about bullets later, the topic of (S)Holmes's waist pouch is brought up and Iris wonders whether perhaps the bullet hit one of the glass vials with flammable content. Van Zieks suddenly speaks up with an “If I may...”, catching the startled attention of Ryu in particular.
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“I should inform the defence that I have the pouch in question in the antechamber outside the courtroom. As I understand it, when the police arrived on the scene and found Mr Sholmes injured, they removed the pouch in order to assess the wound. Since then, it has been in my safekeeping along with all other evidence relating to the case. I can personally vouch for the fact that it has not been touched since the incident occurred.”
This whole plotline cracks me up with how little sense it makes, considering the position of this pouch on (S)Holmes's outfit. But I'm not here to criticize plot-convenience of evidence, so let's move on and look at what's actually happening here. The defense is discussing possibilities with the jurors in hopes of changing their minds towards a not-guilty and instead of keeping silent, as he's supposed to during this moment, Van Zieks actively speaks up to admit he has a piece of evidence which may be of assistance. It's entirely possible that the pouch would have all three vials intact and thereby dismiss the theory that the bullet hit one of them, but... Regardless of whether he remembers seeing a broken vial with his own eyes, he's taking a risk by showing the pouch. He could've played by the Summation Examination rules, kept his mouth shut and then later when it comes out he had the pouch all along, just remind everyone he wasn't allowed to speak. That's what most prosecutors would've done. Naturally, it's revealed there was indeed a broken vial and some scorched leather, and even closer examination reveals a third bullet we can present to the jurors.
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Scumbag point! So with all the confusion on the third bullet and the implication of there being a third gun, the judge does something pretty extraordinary. He doesn't wait for the jurors to change their leaning and instead actually suspends the Summation Examination until the matter is cleared up. This implies any judge has the power to overrule juror leanings, at the very least during Summation Examination, when they feel the case presented by the counsels is lacking important details. Anyway, closing argument on hold for now and the Skulkins return to the stand. Barok looks them straight in the eyes with his usual evil eye and asks them whether the third gun is one of theirs. When that's denied, he asks whether they had an accomplice, which is also denied. And it's kind of funny, because only a few minutes later when Ryu implies they had an accomplice, we get this line:
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“Yet in all that time, there has been not a murmur of a third man. If this apparently wraithlike being exists...” pause for chalice crush... “The court must be shown hard evidence!”
But Van Zieks was the one who questioned the Skulkins about an accomplice earlier, so... Indeed, we don't have evidence, but the murmur was definitely already there. So now the prosecution wants two things: evidence there was a third person on the scene and their identity. The game prompts two options: Either present an answer to the prosecution's demands or, y'know, don't. Naturally I chose the latter option to see what happens and it goes about as well as you'd expect. Ryu stutters and trails off, Van Zieks notes the defense is unable to complete a sentence, let alone provide credible answers... Iris takes the place of Susato in telling Ryu off for faltering, so Ryu desperately tries to catch himself and push his argument. Van Zieks says: “So, my Nipponese friend, despite the swimming eyes you seem to think you have something to say...”
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PENALTY FROM THE PROSECUTION, oh how I've missed you. Loading up the savegame and choosing the first option actually also leads to the exact same line of “so, my Nipponese friend, despite the swimming eyes you seem to think you have something to say...”, just with a slightly different posture and followed up with the words “this promises to be interesting.” Ryu presents the blood sample on the calendar once more and as I said before, the court acts as if they've never seen this picture before. Hilarious. Van Zieks asks why the blood is depicted as green and Ryu explains it's because of a new chemical (S)Holmes invented. The green blood is then linked to Eggert Benedict through the music disc. The court gets very excited, but much like the skin prints in case 2-2, this isn't admissible evidence. Van Zieks says “this has gone on long enough now. This flagrant ignorance of the mechanics of law.”
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“The protagonist in a series of short stories for the vulgar classes. A god of detection or some such. And now you employ chemical substances devised by this fantastical persona in the highest court in the land? Do you expect us to take you seriously? The samples made by this plaything are not fit to be called evidence.”
These lines! I had a quick look at both Scarlet Study's and Taisa's scripts, and there Van Zieks outright accuses (S)Holmes of being a fictional character. He doesn't actually diss the stories themselves though, nor is there anything similar to that plaything line. He only says the chemical itself is 'rubbish'. What ultimately kills me is the “Yes, I’ve heard the name” as if this is the first time it’s being uttered in the courtroom. Let's be merciful here and take case 2-2 out of the equation. Yes, (S)Holmes is mentioned several times there, they establish the two have some sort of history and he even enters the courtroom at one point to address Van Zieks directly, but that case was developed after this one so accidental retcon is bound to happen. No, let's look solely at the cases in the first game. (S)Holmes has been mentioned several times throughout the course of this trial, even by Van Zieks himself. Even better, Van Zieks was the one to present photographs taken by one of (S)Holmes's playthings earlier on. OOPS.
Ryu enters despair mode because there really is no way to prove that the color green is unique to Eggert Benedict, nor would it be accepted as evidence to begin with. But that's okay, because much like the skin prints in 2-2, it was never about having it filed as official evidence. It was about influencing the jury and as Iris so smartly points out, the Summation Examination was suspended earlier. This means that technically, it's still going on. It doesn't matter what the prosecution or the judge thinks of (S)Holmes's invention, it only matters what the jurors think, as they now have the power to force the trial to continue. Naturally, the majority votes not-guilty. Van Zieks objects rather ferociously. “My lord, with all due respect, this is an outrage! The prosecution refuses to accept this decision!” (heehee, I really enjoy these lines. With all due respect, indeed.) The judge asks on what grounds the prosecution is objecting, and Van Zieks says:
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“Then they are too ignorant to be trusted with the judgement of anyone's guilt!”
Gosh, he really doesn't enjoy how 'gullible' the jurors are, does he? Or rather, he gets frustrated when the jurors begin to think for themselves instead of taking the prosecution's word for it. The judge sets Van Zieks straight by basically reminding him that this is how the court works.
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It is so satisfying to watch him squirm. Van Zieks wants us to play by the court's rules, so we're playing by the court's rules and now he's got no more comebacks. This is it folks, we're subpoena-ing Egg Benedict! He does indeed show up to court after a brief intermission and reveals his true name to be Ashley Graydon. Graydon expresses haughty dismay that the highest court of the land was swayed by some self-professed detective's homemade tincture. Van Zieks tells him it was the will of the jury, and their great British justice system demands that the jury's will is upheld. Graydon calls the jury members inept, as Van Zieks has done many times before, but agrees to testify. Ryu attempts to needle this guy several times by asserting he was definitely at the crime scene, but indeed, the blood sample doesn't count as evidence and Ryu doesn't really have anything else to back him up. Van Zieks oh-so-kindly reminds him that the obligation to prove the defense's assertion lies with, well, the defense. Eventually we do get there and Graydon starts making up some bullshit story about how he met McGilded in a gentlemen's club and bonded with him over unique music box music, so that's what that disc was. Van Zieks points out that Yard have indeed been gathering items believed to have been McGilded's property, presumably to aid their investigations. Gregson once again loses his composure here and tries to shut the conversation down.
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Gregson and Van Zieks continue to banter back and forth about how Gregson is definitely not allowed to talk about these things and Van Zieks should also know better than to pry. Even Ryu thinks it's strange the two of them are bickering like that. Anyway, we're not allowed to discuss the McGilded stuff, so back to Graydon and his breaking and entering! Van Zieks asserts that if the police confiscated the disc beforehand and Graydon saw this happen, there was no reason for him to break into the pawnshop anymore.
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Oooh, that's some tasty triumph over Van Zieks's ignorance! Ryu brings up the second item pawned by McGilded, a 'small box'. Van Zieks insists that no such thing was stolen from the pawnshop and he can prove it, since he has a picture of the shelves from before the break-in and one from after the break-in. You know, the pictures taken by that idiot detective's silly little plaything! Through the magic of stereoscopes (or the 3D Slider in the 3DS version), Ryu can see that a small box was moved.
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It's absolutely hilarious that most of the court has to go cross-eyed to do the stereoscope thing and then there's Van Zieks, with a fancy stereoscope device that he just happened to have with him in a trial he couldn't possibly predict would require a stereoscope. He's so extra! Ryu asserts that if the box was moved, they have to raise the question of what was inside it and send the Yard to retrieve that thing at once. Van Zieks objects, saying that “some little box belonging to a man who died two months ago can't possibly be relevant to this trial.” The judge doesn't see it his way, though, and overrules his objection. Nice! So officers are dispatched to Baker Street to fetch the box and Van Zieks grumbles to himself about being hoodwinked by a farce.
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The judge once again doesn't take kindly to Van Zieks's attitude problems and I love this. I can't wait for the prosecution to be penalized, because it feels like it's right around the corner here. Van Zieks elaborates that this whole thing is nothing but a smoke screen; a Nipponese specialty. Scumbag points for this one! I can't entirely connect this to Professor foreshadowing, I think it's just him being petty. Either way, he's going to jump through hoops now. Mere minutes ago he established that the Yard is still investigating McGilded's stuff and the 'aftermath' of his activities, but he's flipping it all over now. He begins to talk about how McGilded died two months ago, immediately after the trial in which he was found not-guilty.
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“So I propose a toast. To my learned friend, and his most... insightful defense.”
So the logic being used here now is that McGilded was a fine, upstanding citizen and anything he pawned was truly innocent/ordinary, so why would someone want to steal it? The only way to prove that there's more to these items than might be apparent would be for Ryu to reveal that the acquittal was a mistake and the defense's argument was based on false information. They all suspected this two months ago, though. It was made abundantly clear that the only reason McGilded walked free was because nobody could say for certain whether the evidence was tampered with. Either way, Ryu's cornered now and wondering to himself whether Van Zieks knows the items in question are related to the omnibus murder. He probably does. He has access to the evidence, which means he has access to to the pawn tickets which hold some very specific dates on them.
The game gives Ryu an option whether or not to have Gina testify about what happened two months ago, but this option isn't real. If you choose 'leave it', Ryu still decides within two lines of dialogue that they have to uncover the truth. There's no penalty for stalling. So Ryu calls for Gina to testify and Van Zieks definitely knows what's up.
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“In particular, the impact it will have on the accused's standing... And indeed your own.”
So this is a warning, clear and simple. Van Zieks knows shit will hit the fan. Or, as he later phrases it, it will bring the court down around Ryu's ears. But Ryu insists upon the testimony, the prosecution agrees and Gina is put on the stand. The judge tells Graydon he can step down, Graydon promptly sees this as an excuse to leave and bids them all a good day, but Van Zieks tells him to wait.
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Oh, this... I like this. By now, Van Zieks has caught on to Ryu's little trick of watching the reactions from other witnesses during testimonies. He's purposely making Graydon stand there and listen to Gina's testimony just in case he reacts in such an overdramatic way, Ryu can pursue it. Iiinteresting! Now it seems as if he's on our side, but we're not quite there yet. Before Gina can begin her testimony, Van Zieks reminds her that if it turns out she willfully withheld information two months ago, she'll be prosecuted for perjury. That's just an intimidation technique to get her not to reveal what she withheld. … Which is weird, because you'd think Van Zieks would want her to spill those beans. Either way, with some encouragement from Ryu and Iris, Gina begins to talk about the lies she told. Aaand we're ending the essay here for now, because we're only about halfway into this disaster of a trial and the plot will only thicken from here on out. Stay tuned for part 2 of The Unspeakable Story!
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talkfantasytome · 3 years
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Hiii, how are you? could you give me your pov ? this is something that the fandom must have already debated but I really didn't pay attention because I believed it wouldn't happen.
Ok, I remember you talked about foreshadow and also about Eris and Lucien but I didn't really pay attention at the time because who would take over the autumn court but Eris? because he who was presented to us as an option. I don't believe that if Gwyn is his granddaughter from some vanserra she will inherit because she already found her place with Valkyrie. Lucien I believe would abdicate because he said he didn't want to because it would be like ruling for fake people. So I still have that thought.
I really don't think Tamlin or Helion will die but I have seen some people saying that it would be a foreshadow for Lucien to become HL. I saw that some people said that Tamlin could abdicate, there is also the story of the cauldron choosing and so on. I mean, in the first book there is Feyre talking about Lucien being a good HL and in the third book there is their conversation about being HL.... I just don't see it that way, so I get dual thoughts about it. So I came to talk to you because I genuinely like your pov.
Do you think this is actually connected to Lucien and could be a foreshadow or is it just information that Sarah wanted to add in the book? Or maybe this is in relation to autumn but I really have the thought that Eris who will inherit.... if this is a foreshadow who would it be for I keep wondering.
Do you have any thoughts or theories about it?
Hi there! Thanks for the question. 🙂
I wouldn't say I have any theories on this, specifically. In terms of foreshadowing about Lucien being a High Lord/being a good High Lord, my guess is that it was mostly foreshadowing or preparing us for the fact that Lucien is actually Helion's son, not Beron's, and Helion's only child. Which is a massive reveal. Pretty much anything in books 1 or 2 or early book 3, even, that might be hinting at Lucien becoming a High Lord could also be hinting at or preparing us for this.
And now we're seeing more bits and pieces that, to me, tell us it's going to be harder for that fact to remain hidden. Such as the dominance Lucien was able to display with Cassian.
Whether Lucien will actually become a High Lord by the end of the series, I honestly don't know and am very torn/conflicted. Because, in the end, I do think the most plausible course would be for Lucien to take over Day. Which would mean Helion would have to die (😭), but I don't really see that happening, because what about the Lady of Autumn?
I don't think Lucien would get the Autumn High Lord's seat. Of course, I want Eris to get it, because I do love him, so I might be biased. And while Lucien could get it, Eris has displayed a lot of power and proof that he would be better than Beron, so I don't really see how he wouldn't end up being Autum - unless the theories that he's also Helion's son are right, but I don't believe those at all.
For Spring, while Tamlin sucks at the moment, I do hope for a redemption arc for him. However, I think it's more likely the arc would involve him dying for someone else over him abdicating - though I'd prefer him living and returning Spring to it's glory. BUT, with Elain in the mix, I can't help but feel like there is a possibility that, one way or another, Tamlin stops being High Lord and Lucien ends up taking on the mantle. However, what about the Day Court, then?
I doubt you can be High Lord of two courts, and I don't see Sarah preparing Lucien for that. The biggest argument for Lucien getting Spring, imo, would be that Elain would love it there. BUT, when Elain was asked what she needed in ACOWAR, she didn't say flowers, she said sunshine. So I honestly see them more likely ending up there.
So, yeah, those are my general thoughts on it. I don't know if Sarah is trying to provide foreshadowing that Lucien will become a High Lord. I do think the earlier stuff is definitely more hints at the Helion reveal than saying he will be a High Lord by the end of the series. And, honestly, I don't know if we'll see Lucien become a High Lord by the end as much as we'll see him claimed and legitimized by his true father, and we'll see him settled and happy with the family he always deserved.
Because that, to me, is Lucien's happy ending. It's not being High Lord or having that power. It's being with his mate, getting to see his mother in a healthy, loving relationship, having a true family that cares for him and loves him, and going off into the sunset with a peaceful, happy, content life ahead of him. Yes, he'll continue to train and it's not that he dislikes his power, but honestly, this is where Lucien and Nesta remind me of each other. I think that Lucien can handle the power he will be given, I think he will use it well and for good, but I don't think he looks to use it to get more power, to rule or take control. Should he end up ruling, he will do it well. Yes, sometimes not wanting the seat can make you worse at the job (Tamlin), but for others, it's not about not him wanting it, but just him wanting something else more.
Like Nesta, I think Lucien wants love and happiness more than anything else. So his HEA isn't becoming High Lord. It's having a court and a home where he truly belongs, and believes he belongs. And I KNOW Helion, LoA, and Elain, together, would be able to give him that once all is revealed and settled (and Beron is bai bai).
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shihalyfie · 3 years
Text
Daisuke and Tagiru
Ever since Tagiru’s concept was announced, people have been comparing him to Daisuke, and, honestly, it’s hard not to -- in fact, considering that Xros Wars did certainly have some degree of trying to invoke stuff from older series, it’s very likely this is intentional! You have someone introduced as a junior to a prior protagonist, who wears goggles like him (and eventually inherits the senior’s pair), wears blue, has a blue dragon-like partner, is more hot-headed than said senior...
...and that is about where the similarities stop!
Still, I think such prominent base profile details practically beg one to make a comparison, so let’s dig in!
(Translations linked below are PositronCannon’s for 02, The Wild Bunch for Hunters, and L Subs for a Kizuna screenshot, unless otherwise stated.)
The junior-senior relationship
Both Daisuke and Tagiru look up to their seniors, and that’s probably the most well-known part about both of them, but I think the first major difference between the two is how they approach that admiration towards said seniors.
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While Daisuke’s way of approaching Taichi can generally be observed through his tone and actions overall, the most clear representation is in 02 episode 8, where you get to see their relationship as soccer team junior and senior. The most consistent thing about this is that Daisuke is completely and utterly deferential to Taichi.
What does this mean? It means that, even when Daisuke is jokingly bragging about his skills, it only takes one criticism from Taichi to entirely shut him down. The degree to which Daisuke respects Taichi’s opinion and holds him in regard is in such high esteem that he completely defers to his judgment. He really, really thinks Taichi is that much cooler of an experienced person whose judgment takes priority over his own. Even in episode 39, when he makes his first major disagreement against Taichi -- that he wants to go help Ken in Tamachi instead of accompanying the others -- the way he phrases it is firm, but politely and respectfully, to the point it almost comes off like he’s asking for permission to go.
Tagiru, on the other hand...
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...well, his first appearance in the series involves disregarding Taiki’s advice. And when it comes to his approach to Taiki...
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...his goal is to outdo Taiki. He understands that Taiki is amazing, but he’s fixated on beating and surpassing him, seeing Taiki’s amazingness as more of a goal to reach.
In contrast, Daisuke’s approach to Taichi is completely on the other extreme.  While no part of 02-related canonical material ever explicitly covers whether Daisuke thinks he’d ever be able to be as good as Taichi, the implication is that Daisuke thinks Taichi is so amazing that the idea of surpassing him doesn’t even occur to him, or that he may not even think it’s possible at all. See Spring 2003:
All right! I’m finally a regular! A center-forward. Haah, I’m getting all pumped up! I’ll show ’em all my power! But… Taichi-san was already a regular in his fifth year. I heard he was big. Ahh, he was awesome!!
The one time he’s known to explicitly compare Taichi to himself...he just gushes about how Taichi was a regular earlier than he was. And then gushes about Taichi in general. So in other words, he treats the fact that he’s not as “good” as Taichi as...just a fact of life, because Taichi being that amazing is a fact of life to him.
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Even all the way in 2010, Daisuke’s default reaction to Taichi is to gush about how amazing he is. He doesn’t even think of himself in the equation.
The goggles
Both of them are also known for having wearing goggles specifically because their seniors do, but the circumstances behind them are somewhat different.
Tagiru’s reasons for imitating Taiki are explicitly laid out in Hunters episode 1:
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Tagiru basically sees Taiki as a “role model” -- he thinks Taiki is the model of the “superstar” level he wants to attain, and, eventually, surpass.
On the other hand, Daisuke’s circumstances and motive behind wearing the goggles were only implied in the series itself, but fully fleshed out in Spring 2003. In what’s implied to be a metaphorical conversation with his younger self, it’s said that the reason Daisuke started wearing goggles was because of “a person wearing goggles and riding something that looked like a huge dinosaur" -- Yagami Taichi, whom it seems Daisuke did not properly recognize as Taichi at the time -- during the 1999 Odaiba fog incident, when Vamdemon kidnapped everyone. Wanting “the strength to protect everyone”, Daisuke went home and picked up a pair of goggles, and has this to say about them:
...when I wear them, I guess it’s like, my feelings become stronger... ...Because I have these goggles. Even I didn’t know a lot from the start — well, I probably still don’t even now — but when I wear these, I kinda feel motivated… to do anything!
In other words, it’s likely Daisuke didn’t even realize “Taichi-senpai” was the person he was modeling himself after at the beginning -- it’s a bit unclear due to the circumstances of Spring 2003 being somewhat metaphorical, but either way it seems it had more to do with Taichi as “the hero who protected everyone” rather than simply his amazing soccer senior. Supporting this is Daisuke’s cameo appearance in the Adventure novels, which also has him express frustration at being powerless to protect his family.
(But of course, at whatever point Daisuke realized they were the same person, Taichi’s amazing soccer skills and leadership abilities must have certainly helped how much Daisuke adores him.)
Their general demeanor
Both Daisuke and Tagiru, on the surface, seem to track with the sort of “brash shounen hero” stereotype, but even their way of going about things differs greatly!
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Despite Daisuke having a very “abrasive” surface demeanor -- he tends to get easily irritated at other people, and can sometimes come off as being pretty aggressive -- the truth is that he actually defers to others quite easily. This is especially in the case of the seniors or Hikari, but it extends to pretty much anyone -- the moment someone else puts their foot down, criticizes him, or takes a sufficiently large stand, he has a very strong tendency to back down. The fact that he’s so wishy-washy at the beginning of the series is a huge part of his character development, especially since the end of the Kaiser arc and the second half of the series are when he starts to make a serious stand about major things he cares about -- such as stopping more casualties at Chimeramon’s hands, or reaching out to Ken -- but he does still have some degree of deference to his friends’ opinions, and of course especially his seniors. At the very least, even if he gets argumentative, he’ll actually debate it out with them and try to make his case. In other words, Daisuke spends the course of 02 learning to be assertive, but he’s actually not as aggressive as his initial demeanor suggests.
In fact, Daisuke has often been described as being a lot like a puppy, which is something I find to be rather incredibly accurate -- he gets easily riled up or defensive, but in actuality is eager to please others and is otherwise not very threatening (especially if you give him attention).
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For what it’s worth, as much as Daisuke seems to often have a lot of confidence (he does the usual shounen hero schtick of gloating about taking enemies down and all that), it’s very rare he actually talks about himself or shows any moments of pride or self-esteem. Even his joking that he might make the national soccer team was that -- a joke -- that he snapped out of the moment Taichi criticized him, and the same episode has him not even entertaining the illusion that they might win against the Tamachi team -- he’s just happy to play them at all. By the time of Kizuna, he’s rather grounded and realistic about his position and abilities in terms of how to approach his career aspirations -- overall he doesn’t actually seem to have a lot of self-awareness, positive or negative, and can be quite humble when it really comes down to it.
Considering that, it makes sense that Daisuke was able to settle for such a simple career aspiration (ramen making) -- he’s not that ambitious, and he doesn’t shoot very high. He’s happy with what he’s able to do, and while he of course wants to succeed in that and do his best, he's still satisfied with not aiming all that high.
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Moreover, while he of course tends to be the one who wants to charge forward, it’s quite easy to hold him back if the others advise him that it’s a bad idea (see: 02 episode 7). During times he does put his foot down because he really, really believes it’s the only thing that can be done, Daisuke is actually forgiving of those who don’t want to charge in forward as easily as he does; in both episodes where he chooses to push on forward when the others are hesitant (02 episodes 20 and 48), he holds no ill will towards the others staying behind and simply informs everyone that he’ll go in alone if he has to. 
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Tagiru, on the other hand, is actually as aggressive as his demeanor suggests -- he’s not nearly as deferential as Daisuke and doesn’t “deflate” as easily, is much more willing to argue with others (or disregard them and go off on his own if he sufficiently dislikes what they’re doing), and is rather generally brimming with pride and a lot of self-assuredness in being great and awesome. Unlike Daisuke, he is absolutely ambitious and wants to shoot for the highest thing he can possibly be -- hence why he wants to not just be like Taiki but surpass him, because he has the drive to push himself as far as possible.
Tagiru also has a tendency to try and “claim credit” for things (the basketball match in episode 1, the above scene in episode 14); most likely Daisuke wouldn’t even bother (except, perhaps, in the occasional moment of weakness when he’s trying to impress Hikari-chan). Moreover, Tagiru doesn’t need any permission to charge in whatsoever; he’ll do it if he wants to, regardless of what others tell him.
This also contributes to Tagiru being much less of a team player than Daisuke is -- making him excel much better in Hunters’ battle royale format in which his aggressiveness helped him compete in a game where everyone was playing for themselves. It’s likely he would have done very poorly in Daisuke’s situation, where team coordination and bonding was important to their adventure, and, conversely, Daisuke, who’s reliant on others and constantly deferential, would probably have performed very poorly in the Hunt.
V-mon and Gumdramon
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Personality-wise, I think it’s generally understood that Daisuke and Tagiru’s actual partners have rather little similarity, and everything is mainly aesthetic (being blue dragon-like Digimon) -- V-mon is rather easygoing and friendly, whereas Gumdramon’s competitiveness and mischievousness matches Tagiru’s own. In general, though, I would also point out that this is reflective of the different ways Adventure/02 and Xros Wars approached Digimon partnership as well. In Adventure/02, Digimon partners were effectively part of the inner self, so V-mon was reflective of Daisuke actually being of a quite friendly and agreeable nature when it really came down to it and you got past his abrasive surface demeanor. As a result, Daisuke and V-mon were like-minded almost unconsciously, to the point of being in sync without even trying. (Not that they’d never got into an argument ever -- see The Door to Summer -- but their relationship was definitely more of a “natural clicking” sense.)
In contrast, Xros Wars very much treats Digimon and humans as individual entities in every respect, with “partners” really just being the Digimon each General/Hunter bonded the most with and has as their core battle partner, so there is much more of a significant level of choice between partners choosing each other in terms of whether their personalities click. (The fact that Taiki and Shoutmon were very disparate in temperament and motive was a big part of the first series of Xros Wars.) Nevertheless, Gumdramon and Tagiru are extremely like-minded -- both a little mischievous, and both very ambitious. Of course, both of them being rather aggressive did lead to some friction in episodes such as 7 and 17, but this led to them ultimately bonding more deeply by working through it.
Unlike V-mon, who had no real affiliation with Agumon, and unlike Tagiru, who can hardly be said to be all that deferential to Taiki, Gumdramon does seem to be significantly deferential to Shoutmon...although mainly out of intimidation more than anything.
Round-up
So, a tl;dr in closing:
Daisuke's relationship to Taichi is almost entirely deferential, and Daisuke holds him in such high esteem that he concentrates more on Taichi being amazing more than he ever factors himself into the equation; Tagiru sees Taiki more as a role model and someone to aspire to and eventually surpass
Daisuke’s reason for taking after Taichi with the goggles is out of a desire to protect others the way Taichi did; Tagiru wears the goggles explicitly to imitate Taiki as part of his goal to be a “superstar” and eventually surpass him
Daisuke is generally deferential to others, is somewhat lacking in ambition, and only really puts a firm foot down when it’s something he cares about; Tagiru is actually capable of being aggressive, does not necessarily defer to others, and has significant ambitions of pushing himself as high as possible
Daisuke’s relationship with V-mon is that of V-mon being reflective of Daisuke’s inner friendliness, and the two simply get along naturally in a friendly manner; Tagiru and Gumdramon had to more consciously form their partnership on being more like-minded, which meant that they had to overcome some obstacles in their relationship due to both of them being more on the aggressive side.
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pedroalonso · 3 years
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it’s so funny to me how the fandom is so divided about palermo’s development there is no middle ground in any of the arguments i’ve seen so far
Martín has always been a divisive character from the start and I honestly love that for him. lmao. But yeah, In truth, I can’t scroll through the LCDP tag without seeing someone ranting about Palermo, either negatively or positively regarding his arc this season.
And after thinking about it for a while, I realize that a large chunk of people’s arguments (my own included) are deeply rooted in personal interpretation and biases. We all have our own takes on a character. We project either our likes or dislikes on them, depending on our own life experiences and beliefs. It’s not wrong to do so, it’s literally a normal thing humans do. To personalize a story in a way that resonates with them.
But at the end of the day, characters are not sentient beings. They are narrative tools to tell a story and move the plot forward. While we can get a gauge of the “basics” of a character from the stuff we are presented with in canon, we can never really be certain about “who they are” because they aren’t real. Their development is dependent on what kind of story is being told, and writers will always adjust their characters to fit the current narrative.
In terms of Volume 1, the writers have always hinted that they wanted to make the final season “an explosive one”, meaning they wanted to make it more action heavy. And looking back on it now, they succeeded in doing what they set out to do. The new season was like an action movie. Lots of gunfire. Explosions. It’s easy to brush it off as LCDP mimicking another Hollywood blockbuster to increase viewership, but I think it made sense. It showed us how dire their situation is in the bank. How much deep shit they were in that the military was willing to bomb the building and inadvertently kill hostages just to catch them. And the first volume ended with the MAIN CHARACTER getting killed off. Like the stakes were so high not even the goddamn narrator survived. The show is literally telling us how fucked things are for the band.
So with that said, the characters adjusted to this “action” movie vibe the writers wanted to go with. And I think they all acted accordingly. There was less conflict within the group because they worked together to beat a common enemy, setting aside their personal issues to get the job done and survive. And while it’s true that some character arcs (Palermo’s especially) had to be set aside, it was because they HAD to in order to move the plot forward. How much sense would it make if Martín kept raving on about the gold when the Bank was literally exploding around him? He’s a chaotic asshole, yeah. But give him more credit than that, he’s not an idiot. The gold can wait. He needs to survive NOW.
And again, narrative wise, who he is in Part 5 directly connects to his last scene in Part 4. He made a promise to do better and they followed it through in literally the first episode of Volume 1, where he’s shown to be more remorseful for his actions. If he just went back to being an angry asshole, it wouldn’t have made sense because otherwise, what was his last scene in Part 4 supposed to be for?? Just for funsies?? No, of course not. They were already foreshadowing where his arc was heading in Part 5.
And I know LCDP sucks at maintaining continuity. There are a lot of plotholes that haven’t been addressed because they probably forgot about it or deemed it unnecessary. (Like me, for example, wondering if Martín knows it was Helsinki who blew up the tunnel that resulted in Andrés death??? Like I want that angst PLEASE).
But, hear me out. What LCDP fails in continuity, they make up for emotional terrorism. Not only are they more than capable of killing off likable characters (NAAAAIROBI), they are also very good at making unlikeable characters… not always loveable. But understandable, in a way. More empathetic. For example: Berlin was 100% a disgusting dipshit in the Mint, yes, but in the end when he sacrifices himself to save the gang and you find out he and the Professor were brothers this whole time? That was a twist. Maybe you didn’t end up liking Berlin, but you felt pain for Sergio for losing someone so obviously dear to him. They made you feel sorry for seeing this asshole go.
Which brings me to my final point. Characters are used to convey a theme. What do they represent in the story? Berlin’s thematic arc in the first two seasons, for example, was him going from a villain to an anti-hero. From the moment we find out about his terminal illness, we knew he was going to die either way. You can see him grappling with his mortality — about the inevitability of his death. And it seemed like he was planning to live out his last remaining years being an asshole surrounded by a shitload of money, until he ultimately dies from his illness.
But then, he sacrifices himself. Not only does he escape the “humiliating” decline that was to befall him when he escapes, he also gave meaning to his death. He, the heartless evil bastard, made himself the hero in the end. How rude!
So, when it comes to Martín, we have to think: What is his purpose in this story? What is the theme he’s trying to convey? Is it the tragedy of an unrequited love? Or is it learning to let it go?
Because looking back in episode two of Part 3, Sergio recruits Martín in a dirty flat in Palermo, littered with empty liquor bottles and Martín himself looking like a mess. When he broaches the topic of the heist, Martín can barely mention Andrés without his voice cracking. And when he and Sergio do discuss Andrés, he screams and gets angry and cries. He was obviously still mourning Andrés, who at this point, died FIVE YEARS AGO. That is not… a normal grieving period. May it be due to the lack of a support system after Andrés’s death (since I doubt Sergio visited), or the lack of real closure between him and Andrés, or something else, the point is… Martín Berrote was not okay. He was still clinging to Andrés in some way. Still unable to move on.
So when Sergio proposes to do the Bank of Spain heist and Martín accepts, his thematic arc began. He is introduced as Andrés’s long suffering best friend who was in love with him for years until he was eventually discarded. A lot of his moments in the show discuss and convey this dynamic. From him telling Sergio he loved the plan as much as he loved Andrés, to Nairobi confronting him about Berlin, to Martín himself telling Helsinki how Andrés leaving him made him the “asshole” he is today.
His theme is not just about his love for Andrés, but his grief and suffering because of it. Where the show will eventually take it is still debate-able, and we’ll have to wait for Volume 2 for that. But viewing Martín’s whole arc in this way, through the scenes they chose to put about him, and the way they connect it to the main plot — his development this season did not come out of the blue. It made logical and narrative sense. It all connects! This was the kind of story they wanted for him from the start.
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ignitification · 3 years
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is it that * account? Their takes are terrible😐 i read before that they said that young toya used his trauma as a psychological weapon against natsuo and i was like WHAT and also shit like dku's bullying wasn't a societal issue actually which uh again,What and this lady nagant bashing? It's almost misogynistic. like I get she wasn't referenced before and treated badly by/for the narrative but she absolutely was nuanced and nagant's takes on society weren't perfect but came from a jaded perspective of being used to brutally keep up the system. Which in the same vein, when was hawks referenced in the story before his intro? what has he really provided to the narrative other than being a cog in the system who upholds the system, pushes for the hero ranking system of having a symbol - and this one being a egoistic abuser - and kills for the system and doesn't have any particular remorse for it and believes the perpetrators of the system over its victims?
Hi, anon! To confirm your suspicions, yes. I do find some of their takes problematic and uncomfortable to read but I also used to like some of their stuff and sometimes I did agree with different statement they made. However, this said, the fact that a lot of people have been reducing the character of Lady Nagant to an appearance of nothing, with no personality and just a rebooted female version of Hawks, does not sit right with me. I honestly don’t remember anything about what they said about Touya/Natsuo (I don’t follow, and I just happen to see some posts when they get rbed in the feed or in the tags) nor about Izuku’s bullying so I’d have to take your word for it (I’m sorry, I really do not care enough to go look for any of these takes, I don’t think it’s worth my time). But as for the Lady Nagant thing, yeah I thoroughly agree with you. I think that the entire existence of her character is to give another dimension to the narrative (which other character couldn’t, so the argument of her being shallow really does not stand on its feet) and to have a positive (or negative, for that matter) impact on Izuku’s development as someone who tries to change the tide of things. I have talked in length about how I think Izuku will become the Greatest Hero exactly because of all he has been through and because he did not stop at the surface of the things (however faulty this statement might be, because while I do think Izuku is still far away from the character I’d like him to be, he still is trying to understand, giving a chance to himself to ask whether there is someone more to what his eyes can see, and that’s far more than any of other heroes have ever done). Lady Nagant therefore serves as both a confirmation and another perspective in the story that Izuku is trying to address/correct/understand - which has literally so little to do with Hawks, that I think the comparison is futile. She is a supernova, and she has been shining for a very short time - but brightly enough to actually pull at some strings for Mido. Which is, again, more than every other hero has ever done. No one actually stopped to tell him their story, and the fact that Izuku values heroes so much is only one of the factors why Lady Nagant’s story will have a huge influence on him and will resonate with Izuku. I really like her character, because she is blunt and honest, and to be honest she has (exactly as the other villains) more values than everyone else in the narrative. She has done bad things - and she has been punished for it. She recognised the need that maybe talking to the kid, instead of shooting him dead (like people are trying to assume, putting forward the argument of her career at the HPSC) or trying to weasel or lure him in, would probably be more effective. Also yeah, her view on society might not be perfect and her methods did not work, and she used to kill terrorists-to-be and all that yada yada, but she also wanted desperately out. She was smart enough to know that killing the President of the HPSC meant that her life was over and that anyways that would have not changed anything in terms of cogs of society, but she did something. She did not stand for the status quo anymore, and that’s where the beauty of her character comes in. Like Hawks, she was held in a cage where she could not refuse to be fed and she just went along with it, until she couldn’t and then she entirely decided to throw herself and everything she had worked for hard at the wind, to end up in Tartarus - but free of the Damocle sword that the HPSC and society norms held above her head. This is entirely opposite of how we are introduced to Hawks’ character, Just because he has been longer in the narrative, as you said, it does not hold true that his introduction was not out of nowhere. I was so confused when we hear Tokoyami having his internship with him and it is only then we discover who he is. Is it nowhere better than Lady Nagant, who is instead at least seen once before (chapter 296/297) with the Tartarus escape. I already however talked about all the faults that Hawks has, and the values he upholds (and the abuse he justifies) so I won’t be repeating myself, but that’s the downline of it. He had no active role in the down bringing of the HPSC (for reason I stated here, confuting once again of the posts of this same account, funnily enough), and he is still supportive of Endeavour, notwithstanding his own past and the detailed account of Dabi’s story (on here I also wrote so much lately, just scroll to see), which is still a memento that Hawks is part of the system, and he does not see himself capable of living without that same system (the system being society - and the comfort that the familiarity of Endeavour brings him). It is really pointless to compare the two character, who stand diametrically opposite on one another in the narrative. I also dislike the choice of Horikoshi that lets Hawks have his moments of saving Lady N’s fall, because it once again, shows how Hawks’ double standard heavily influence his own standard of life (which is worth for his identity of hero and spy, his relationship with Endeavour and Dabi, and him killing Twice and looking down on the League, while still talking affectionately about Lady N), and that is exactly why Hawks’ character fails to acknowledge his fault as his own. Since he is part of the system, his actions are part of the system too, no matter whether wrong or right. If the show (system) must go on, then he will make sure it will. 
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nyasha-of-germa-66 · 4 years
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hi! 💕i really like your blog! it’s so detailed and well written! not only that but it’s accurate as well! you’re doing great! ☺️ if someone hasn’t asked already, can u write general relationship hcs for the vinsmoke brothers! (excluding Sanji lol.)
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You two are so sweet! Your words really mean a lot to me and I hope I continue to meet your expectations haha.~ But I’m not gonna lie, writing for these boys was hard. I thought Yonji was going to be the easiest, but he probably gave me the most struggle out of the three (can you tell which brother I’m partial to? lol). With that being said, I hope they’re not too OOC, and if they are... my bad. I really hope you guys enjoy it, though!~ Thank you for the requests!~ 😁
General Relationship HCs - Ichiji, Niji, and Yonji Vinsmoke
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Ichiji
Ichiji is probably the hardest one to form a proper relationship with as he tends to let his strong sense of superiority dictate his behaviors, though his actions aren't necessarily governed by choice. In order to be in a relationship with him, his S/O ought to meet his standards. He doesn't want someone who's weak-willed or easily discouraged by a challenge; he wants someone who can keep up with him and share his unwavering mentality.
He's often distant in the relationship, only seeking his S/O if he wants something from them or wishes to brag of Germa's victory from their latest battle. He's mostly talking about how he practically does all of the work each time, but it strokes his ego when his S/O listens intently and compliments him.
Being the eldest brother, he prefers to keep a dominant role in the relationship where he gets to make a majority of the decisions, feeling content as long as he isn't undermined. His S/O will have some say, of course, but if he feels like he's being forced to do something he hates, he won't refrain from putting his foot down.
Ichiji will only behave romantically if the mood calls for it, so if he's not craving attention from his S/O, he'll just remain unbothered despite his S/O's advances. He'll smile at their gestures, but he values his autonomy too much to let anyone, including his partner, sway his actions.
He puts a lot of value in his S/O's beauty, but not nearly as much as Niji and Yonji do. He tries to compliment their most alluring features, but they often sound like lecherous comments.
He certainly wants his partner to be loyal to him at all times, disliking when they scold him for his cruel and callous behaviors. It's confusing when his S/O claims to love him one second only to wish for him to change in the next. He feels belittled, and this doesn't sit well with him.
On a brighter note, he is very protective of his S/O, reacting violently when his S/O is in threat of danger. He can never keep a solid explanation for why he behaves in such a way toward them, but his S/O can speculate a few causes for his protectiveness.
Ichiji is not as active as his brothers, so time spent with his S/O often includes lounging around in silence or going for leisurely walks. Surprisingly, he does enjoy a good conversation with his S/O, finding amusement in their stories and hopeful plans for their future.
The eldest brother is rarely, if ever, affectionate with his S/O in public or in the presence of his family, but in private, he's much more willing to slink an arm around their waist or allow them to hold his hand. He doesn't quite understand his S/O's liking to his small affectionate gestures, but he will admit that he gets a good feeling from it.
Although maintaining a relationship with Ichiji comes with it's grueling challenges, there will always be moments that remind Ichiji's S/O that he willingly accepted to be in a relationship with them, and he does value his S/O. He just can't bring himself to say it so blatantly.
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Niji
Of the three brothers, Niji comes across as the least desirable in terms of relationship material, but he may as well be the most considerate brother. Sure, he may lack sympathy and compassion for others, but he's still capable of forming a proper partnership with someone.
A relationship with Niji thrives on the idea of costs and benefits. He'll be more than happy to go on the little date his S/O planned for them as long as he gets something out of it, whether it may be a dessert he's been craving or a heated make out session by the end of the night. As long as he gets what he wants by the end of the day, he'll oblige his S/O's wishes.
He may be a tad more hotheaded than Ichiji when it comes to being questioned for his morally questionable behaviors. He'll yell and argue with his S/O, and maybe breaking something, but he won't raise a hand to them as he holds too much respect for them. The servants, on the other hand, may end up on the receiving end of his wrath, unfortunately.
Since he's got an explosive temper, his S/O has to be able bounce back from any fights or arguments that they have, or they should at least be comfortable with letting him have his episodes and not stir the pot. He'll calm down sooner than you might think, and he'll go back to being his regular self, as if the fight never happened. He never apologizes, but if his S/O does, he'll say that the feeling is mutual.
Among the three brothers, Niji is perhaps the most romantic and that's saying a lot on it's own. He's more attuned to what his S/O wants in the relationship, and he'll oblige so long as he gets what he wants, too.
Like Ichiji, Niji is very protective over his S/O, becoming visibly upset and worried when his S/O is hurt. He's the type to never show any mercy to those who harm his S/O, even if it was only an accident. In his mind, people ought to treat his S/O as if they're the most sacred person on the planet. Otherwise, they'd have to deal with him.
Niji also has a great sense of humor, as long as he doesn't feel like he's the butt of someone else's joke. He's prefers to laugh at someone else's expense, but if his S/O says something clever and sarcastic, he'll have a good laugh.
Being in a relationship with Niji is complicated and tricky, but if his S/O can navigate him towards his better self, he could make for a relatively charming boyfriend. And he may not come upfront with his love for his S/O, but he’ll remind them in his own unique way.
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Yonji
Yonji is the most honest of his brothers, often speaking out about his desires and openly expressing what he likes, so it's obvious when he fancies the idea of a relationship. As long as his partner meets his standards, he'll gladly start a relationship with them.
He's terribly blunt, so when he flirts with his S/O, he's guaranteed to sound a bit sleazy. He doesn't mean to sound perverse all the time, but he honestly thinks he's being romantic and sweet with them. His S/O will have to teach him the difference, and whether he learns from it or not depends heavily on how mischievous he's feeling.
Yonji has a much better sense of humor than his two brothers, so his S/O is free to joke with him all they want. Pranks wars are another story. His competitiveness may lead to him taking things a bit too far if his S/O doesn't watch him. Aside from that, he genuinely enjoys making his S/O laugh until they're blue.
The green-haired Vinsmoke always tries too hard to impress his S/O with his strength and prowess. His idea is that if he keeps going over-the-top with everything he does, his S/O will continue to think highly of him, but he doesn't know that he looks like a dork sometimes. It might give his S/O a good laugh, though.
He particularly enjoys taking his S/O on dinner dates or picnic outings, as long as he's doing two of his favorite things: eating some good food and spending time with his S/O, one of his favorite people.
He absolutely loves it when his S/O is feisty. Nothing gets him more riled up than a partner who challenges him, and he'll sometimes push their button just to get them all fired up. He can't think of anything hotter than an irritated, yet gorgeous S/O.
As much as Yonji likes to spoil his S/O with expensive gifts and all the worshipping he can offer, he’ll never deny that he likes being spoiled. He wants his S/O to cuddle up to him, he wants them to surprise him with home-cooked meals even if those meals go wrong, and he definitely wants them to shower him with loving gestures and sweet praises. He is the baby, after all.
He's definitely a ride or die kind of guy, so if his S/O gets into trouble, he'll hop to the rescue in no time. If his S/O wants him to bend the rules a little bit, he's all for it. As long as he and his S/O are living it up and having a good time doing it, he'll gladly neglect his duties to Germa to have some fun.
Like his brothers, Yonji is very protective of his S/O, but he's less likely to throw punches unless he finally gets fed up with whoever was starting trouble. For the most part, he'll shield his S/O from any danger while bragging to his S/O that he doesn't feel a thing.
Yonji is also the most affectionate out of his brothers, always wanting to hold his S/O's hand and kiss their cheek. And though he can't explain why being with his S/O makes him feel warm and fantastic on the inside, he has a much easier time showing it through his actions. Even if Yonji's actions are a miss sometimes, his intentions are always there, and his intentions are to make his S/O happy.
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rosereview · 3 years
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Book of the Month (Mar): A Court of Silver Flames
Okay that was a crazy ride… holy mother sh*t. I don’t even know where to start and I have so many thoughts it feels like my heart and head will explode. Just like my Chain of Gold review (which you can find on my post page) this will probably be long and full of spoilers so sorry in advance, but I just need to get it out. Also these are the other books I read in March (it was a crazy month with a SJM and Cassie Clare book!):
A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas (5 stars)
Chain of Iron by Cassandra Clare (5 stars)
Siren’s Lament Season 2 by instantmiso (5 stars)
Frankenstein 1818 edition by Mary Shelley (unrated)
Characters
So to start I of course need to talk about Nesta, her being one of the main characters, but also because it’s NESTA. Like many people, I hated Nesta for all of the previous books. Like actually hated. She just made me so mad. The only time and reason I didn’t totally hate her was during the war in ACOWAR and mostly because I wanted Cassian to be happy and I could tell they were mates. But after that, especially in ACOFAS, I disliked Nesta so much it hurt. For her whole life she (and Elain, but I’ll get to her later) just let and expected Feyre to do everything for them and keep them alive. And after all of that, she blamed Feyre for being Made into a Fae, when Feyre was literally the only reason she was alive. As an older sibling myself, that made me so mad. I would never rely on my younger sibling because I would do everything in my power to keep them safe and provided for (like what Nesta did for Elain, which also riled me up because Feyre never got the same treatment). Going into this book I was worried that this whole thing was going to be about Nesta being a whiny bitch, but instead, the redeeming feature of Nesta, was her knowledge and acknowledgment of how shitty of a sister she’s been. I know that it took her a long time to actually be nice again, but I was happy that she actually knew that she was being terrible and deep down wanted to be better. She wasn’t just being terrible because she felt entitled which was the vibe I got from her before, but instead was terrible because she thought it was too late to get better. After that I thought her journey was very relatable and heart wrenching. While I still was mad every time she got mad and was mean to Feyre or any of the Night Court group, I could still sympathize how she felt like she was intruding on their family and that she didn’t fit in. 
Now let’s talk about Cassian— I love him. That’s about it. JK… Okay, I have always loved Cassian, but this book made me appreciate him in a more emotional way. All of his insecurities had me crying for him while relating to him so well too, and when we heard more about his mother and how when he was younger he didn’t get physical touch which is why now he always needs physical touch… MY HEART COULDN’T HANDLE IT! God, that was such a precious moment when he needed to hug and kiss Feyre’s forehead, because that’s how he best shows affection and needs affection warmed my heart in so many ways, but also made me cry. And although it hurt me when Cassian would doubt himself and feel lesser because he was born a bastard, I still felt that pain brought Nesta and him closer in more ways. It wasn’t just him helping her, but she helped him too, and both allowed each other to grow on their own but also together. I fucking loved that. 
Relationships
Now I’m just going to jump right into relationships, because I feel like individual characters besides Nesta and Cassian can only really be talked about through their relationships with other characters since it was only Nesta and Cassian’s povs in the book.
So first let’s talk about (obviously) Nesta and Cassian— I mean I already started to talk about them together above, but this book was so powerful for me because of the way the two of them worked together to heal themselves. That was beautiful. But also it is a tiny bit annoying how both Feyre and Nesta were unaware of their frickin mate bonds! I know, I know… neither were born Fae so they don’t have the same knowledge of the mate bonds that everyone else does, but come on! I knew Nesta and Cassian were mates since they first met! And I know that it definitely wouldn’t have been smart or healthy for Nesta to accept the mate bond at the beginning, but at the end when she still has to talk to Cassian like he isn’t her mate, after they literally consummated the mate bond on several occasions, I was kind of annoyed. I know it was still part of her growth, but also wild that she still was playing dumb like that. But I’m happy they finally admitted everything at the end.
Next let’s discuss the Archeron sisters— So really their relationship at the start just made me sad, seeing none of them get along (except Feyre and Elain). Especially since I still kind of felt like everyone should just be falling at Feyre’s feet and apologizing about how terrible they were for mostly her whole life (even Elain, since she also never helped keep them alive in the human world. Really she was just as bad as Nesta but wasn’t an outright bitch about it). But even though Nesta was encouraging nasty behaviour from them (because she was also being mean) Feyre and Elain both were just as mean to her sometimes. I mean, when Elain went to the house and Nesta and her got in an argument, Elain was just as harsh as Nesta was to her. But I guess Elain has just never been my favourite person. I’m still a little pissed how both Feyre and Nesta do everything for her and she just sits still and looks pretty, but I’m betting that will change in future books. Anyways, I was very happy at the end of the book that all three sisters got on good terms and even went to visit their father’s grave together. That last scene got me pretty emotional. 
Nesta & Emerie & Gwyn— In contrast with the Archeron sisters’ relationship, I loved this new friendship that Nesta found with Emerie and Gwyn. I think now that Nesta found those two, she really appreciates the relationship between family that isn’t blood, because they are now like her sisters too. I loved both Emerie and Gwyn so much in this book and I was so happy that Nesta found them and let them into her life. Feyre found a family in the Inner Night Court, and Nesta found her own people with her Valkyries, and that felt very poetic to me. The family you choose is the family that sticks with you forever (although you can choose blood family too, and I’m glad Nesta found her way back to Feyre and Elain, but I’m glad she found more family too). 
Nesta & Amren— Okay, this relationship had me very mad for most of the book because I just wanted to scream at Nesta so bad! I can’t believe that Nesta got mad for “choosing” Feyre’s side, when literally Feyre and Amren were family first! Amren and Feyre were close and part of the Night Court family before Nesta came in, and even though I was happy that Nesta was making friends with Amren, she can’t get mad at Amren for being friends with Feyre too! Especially since she was friends with Feyre first! Again, not saying that Amren and Nesta being friends was a bad thing, I just got mad that Nesta was being so weird about it when she has no claim on Amren to be just her friend. Sorry I just had to get that off my chest, but I am happy that both of them seem to be friends again now :)
Nesta & Rhysand— Throughout the book I totally understood both Nesta and Rhysand being unfriendly to each other, but boy was I in tears when Rhysand fell to his knees before Nesta because of what he did for Feyre. That was the most beautiful brother-in-law/sister-in-law moment in the entire world. Really I don’t want to even talk about Nesta and Rhys’s relationship in most of this book because I feel like that’s now in the past, I just want to focus on their amazing family relationship going forward, because now they will be in-laws from both sides (Feyre and Nesta being sisters, and Rhys and Cassian being brothers). 
Nesta & the House— This was a beautiful relationship and I was beyond happy that Nesta became best friends with the House. Super heart-warming and those are honestly my only thoughts. I can’t wait to see more of Nesta and the House in the future!
Cassian & Rhys & Azriel— Again, I just love the three of them! Their brotherly bond is adorable, but it also makes my heart break when they all take on each other's pain, because it’s just so beautiful and sad at the same time. I don’t know how else to explain it. When Cass and Az still feel hurt about not being able to help Rhys when he was underneath the mountain, and the pain Rhys and Az feels for Cass’s past, and the same for Az’s past. It’s beautiful but sad because I can just feel the love they have for each other and the true pain they feel and it hurts me too. 
The Night Court Inner Circle— This is also just a short pop in to say how much I love this whole family together: Rhys, Az, Cass, Feyre, Mor, Amren, and now Nesta, Elain, and Nyx. They are all a big beautiful family that makes my heart ache just thinking about them. I can’t wait for more scenes about all of them interacting with baby Nyx, because that will kill me and give my life again in the best way possible (again not sure if that made sense, but that’s the only way to explain it).
And for the big finale in relationships… my Elain/Azriel/Lucien/Gwyn thoughts— to start off, I’m not dissing any ship anyone makes and I think all thoughts are valid. But I don’t know, for some reason I just don’t think Az and Elain are meant for each other. I just think it’s too obvious and cliché (for lack of a better word) to have all three brothers fall in love with all three sisters. BUT I also see how it is obvious and cliché to have mates end up together too. So I really don’t know what to expect. But one thing is for sure— and again no hate please— but I totally understand why Elain and Lucien are mates and “equals”. Throughout this book it is mentioned multiple times that Elain doesn’t belong in the Night Court while Nesta definitely does (like the scene where they visit the Court of Nightmares but I do remember it being mentioned other times as well). This also explains why Azriel’s shadows don’t go close to Elain, because she literally represents light. Lucien on the other hand, is literally the son and heir to Helion, High Lord of the Day Court (even if he is unaware at the moment), the ambassador to the Spring Court (full of light and flowers), and ambassador to the human lands, somewhere Elain misses very much. I know none of this should mean he has any claim to her, but it definitely makes sense why they would be considered mates and “equals”, because Lucien’s birth and life matches the light that Elain represents. Just some food for thought. And concerning Gwyn and Az, I just think they would be really cute together, honestly. I think that Az being the first one to rescue Gwyn on the most traumatic day of her life is significant, and will have something to do with Gwyn’s own healing in some way, but of course that doesn’t have to mean sexual or romantic. I thought both of the extra bonus scenes at the end of ACOSF (yes I’ve read both) are really setting up for the next book which will cover Elain and Az’s journeys, but I don’t think that means they will get together. I thought Rhys’s comment about Elain in the Feysand one was very true, and Elain isn’t the innocent helpless girl we’ve been made to believe. I think she has a lot to share from her own story, and I think that Az needs to have his moment in the spotlight too. 
Plot
Lastly, let’s talk about plot, which is essentially the next war that may be gearing up to happen. I hope for all of my babies’ sakes it won’t happen and it’ll just be a little negotiation and everything will be well, but I have a feeling that won’t happen. This dude in this lake is very intriguing though (sorry, can’t remember his name) and I’m excited to see what will happen next. But most importantly, I think in the future a lot of shit will happen with Mor too, because since she was gone so much in this book I think that’s SJM getting us ready for a big Mor moment. I have a feeling there was more to her negotiating on the other continent than we know about yet, and also I feel like there's something more about what happened with her and Eris that I’m excited to find out about. 
I just feel like this was more of a character driven book (which are my favourite books) than a plot driven book, and a lot of the information we learned in ACOSF will be more important in the future books. So for now, I’m okay with not talking about it (although side note, I’m really happy that crone queen bitch is dead. I did not like her!)
So thanks for reading till the end if you did. Sorry for any grammar or spelling errors; I’m too tired to read over this. 
Until next time!
~Rose Reviews
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varusai · 3 years
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who do you think is the most dateable dark matter thief?? i know you have an opinion and i need to hear it
sorry for the late response anon i honestly had to think abt this one for a few days lmao, but yeah i have opinions. below the cut bc fr i have opinions, all of them have major pros and cons (based on my characterization at least) and really i just have to break it down for u
Boros, everyones obvious first choice, but certainly not mine.
Pros: rich, tall, pretty, fun af, passionate, will kill for you np, give you anything you want, literally anything.
cons: has a god complex, doesnt respect you, not his number one priority at all, will forget about you once its not interesting for him anymore, probably argumentative/combative af, is very very smart and has no problem manipulating you in all the worst ways, is very entitled so he will never feel bad about anything, cant win arguments either bc he’ll want to settle it with combat, will get offended over little things just to argue bc he thinks thats fun
this is a relationship you’d get into if you literally have nothing to lose and dont care about your mental health. like hes hot but this shit would be toxic af and he will ruin your life and leave you to go fuck around and fight someone on the other side of the universe. this will be the best of times and the worst of times for you and you will never be the same afterward mentally or emotionally. the only way i would even consider it is if i lost my damn mind. The only way a relationship with him would ever work long term is if you were physically stronger than him and were capable of putting him in his place OR you were smart enough, suicidal enough, and interesting enough to him to engage in some psychological warfare and reject him if he asked you. Make him chase you for years, say yes, then decide that /he’s/ boring /you/ and leave him for another member of the squad to just destroy their established hierarchy and humble him to the point that he’s obsessed with you.
i dont have the energy for all that, so i’ll just smash and pass.
0/10 completely undateable
Geryuganshoop, also a probable second choice for many:
pros: cute, nice, tentacle alien (obviously), will respect you np, will also give you anything you want, not antagonistic at all, telepathic communication so no risk of miscommunication, emotionally intelligent and available, loyal to a fault,
cons: horrible boss/best friend that you will have to listen to him vent about for at least 3 hours a day, complete yes man as well so he will not tell boros no or cut him off and you will be stuck dealing with this no matter what, severely mentally ill and wont go to therapy bc he thinks hes handling it well, workaholic, needs a lot, and i mean A LOT of attention
this relationship would be great if not for boros lol. boros sabotages his social and romantic life but geryu has been friends with him too long to either cut him off or establish boundaries. he has no backbone (figuratively and literally) and wouldnt even consider it. he’ll ignore you in favor of his job too, to a massive degree. also i think that while the telepathic communication would be a major plus in most cases, here i feel like i’d have no less than 16 different, never before seen on earth, mental illnesses projected right into my brain just from being within a certain radius of him.
im already fucked up enough in that sense so pass unfortunately.
it would be a yes without boros in the picture tho lmao
so prob like 4/10 iffy datablillity, 1 level increase with each decade of therapy he gets tho so a lot of potential :D
Groribas, my fav girl:
pros: straightforward, realistic, very clear expectations, will not fuck around with you whatsoever like there is no mind games or anything here, will kill for you, rich and non materialistic so she’ll basically just let you do whatever with her money since she doesn t care about it, cares about her job but like...a normal amount. she absolutely has a good work/life balance, highly organized so she will not forget important dates, loyal af and will defend your honor under any circumstances, mean but in a funny way, a ton of fun to hang out with if you’re into that, no eyes so i dont have to worry abt eye contact ever
cons: extremely high expectations, like exhaustingly high, and not even a bit of flexibility there, if you dont meet the cut its a no, she’ll let you know and leave same day, she will also bully you, you need a thick skin and great sense of humor to survive, bad at feelings if you need emotional support???? go elsewhere, shes mega emotionally unavailable, will probably want to share bodies as a form of intimacy
overall its a solid 6.5/10 dateability for me i love the directness and no bs approach, we would def get along well. however, while im not sensitive, shes def gonna hit on some insecurities at some point and it will cause an argument lol. but i mean whatever. it happens. the body sharing would be an issue though, same reason i wouldnt be chill with having a symbiote despite being a major venom fucker. i need my space i cant deal with that. so thats a possible deal breaker if she couldnt get over that lol. and she wont, so we wouldnt work out. i wish it fuckin would tho😭😭😭 i would take whatever crumbs of attention she would be willing to give me
Melzalgald, my fav they/them bastard:
pros: amorphous and shapeshifting aka extremely attractive according to my taste in monsters, tall af but could chose to be a more reasonable survivable size lol, self contained and self-entertaining so they dont need a ton of attention to be happy, funny af, rich, will give you whatever you want and probably a bunch of shit you didnt know you wanted, very fun, built in friend group if you didnt already have friends, extremely emotionally intelligent and great people skills due to living in a collective, stupid af by choice, like some of em are very smart, but they dont claim that, will say fuck work and tell boros to eat shit to spend time with you, will kill for you as well, but only if you ask them to bc their first inclination is to just bother someone to death, very loyal, once they like you they like you really forever, it would take some pretty extreme circumstances to make them dislike you
cons: annoying af and its unavoidable, will talk over you, all of them at once will talk over you and do so loudly, no respect for personal space, they dont even know what that is, will probably accidentally manhandle you, they act stupid but arent so they can be manipulative, even if it isnt bad and they dont really mean to be, impulsive, forgetful of the needs of organic creatures so they will bother you at all hours of the day and night if you arent firm with boundaries, disgustingly extroverted and will bring randoms to your place without asking, or just...make new cluster members and you have to roll with it, will eat or absorb literally anything you have, will antagonize and bother you for fun, major jump scare risk since sometimes the forms are....fleshy
this ones hard for me like theyre hot af and i feel like they’d be super fun and good partners, but god....the noise. idk how long i could deal with that lol i dont like people in my house. it would drive me up the wall, but then again...i can simply kick them out when ive had enough. they arent projecting mental illness directly into my brain or requiring me to share a body sintelligento major plus. creepy thing/symbiote style hot monster without any of the invasiveness so tbh 8/10 dateability
some people date loud annoying extroverts who dont understand personal space that /arent/ rich, loyal, or emotionally intellegent so i’d be winning on a few different fronts lmao
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connorinabeanie · 4 years
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A slightly salty take on North and fandom
Disclaimer: Nothing in this post is meant as an attack on anyone. Fandom is subjective and you have the right to interpret media, form your own conclusions, and create whatever you want. These are my opinions about what I’ve seen, as well as my experiences in previous fandoms and the patterns I’ve seen play out over and over again. It’s okay to disagree with me, and it’s okay to have a respectful discussion in reblogs/comments! Just keep it civil. That out of the way…
North. She’s polarizing character in DBH; she tends to be loved or hated, and I’ll admit it: I didn’t like her at first either. I wanted to, but as I played through my first time I just couldn’t get past one of her traits in particular, which was that she was so convinced she was right; she blamed Markus for every mistake, refused to adapt her tactics or consider other methods, and seemed more driven by vengeance than anything else. So as much as I wanted to enjoy her character, I found her to be a poorly written “strong female character” archetype that fell flat in execution, as most characters of that type do.
Honestly, I think this is the reason most people who dislike North dislike her, at least consciously. They genuinely think she’s a terribly written character, and they’re not necessarily wrong. One playthrough on a standard route, with no extrapolation or extra consideration, combined with a lot of people getting the awkwardly forced romance (I actually avoided this, completely unknowingly, on my first playthrough) leads to a dislike of this character. That’s understandable! I would expect this from people who played the game once. But that’s where the problem comes in, for me.
People active in a fandom usually haven’t consumed the media they’re into just once. They usually don’t engage in surface-level interpretation, and they usually don’t lack context. But I find it hard to believe that so many of the opinions and interpretations regarding North could possibly come from people who have approached her character with an open mind and additional information, because just one major path divergence shows a completely different side to North’s character.
I’m talking, of course, about North’s leader route. When we see her in Markus’ role, leading instead of advising, her true motives come out: she loves her people and is willing to fight for them. She isn’t interested in playing nice with her oppressors, and why should she? There’s a whole discussion here about how oppressed people are judged for how nicely they fight for the rights they should already have, where there’s a ‘good’ way of protesting and a ‘bad’ way of doing it (which is, ironically and showing how tone-deaf Cage can be, supported in the narrative of DBH as well), but I won’t go into that in depth; other people have posted really good takes on this already. I’ll just mention it here and there where relevant.
Once of those relevant places is that, as I said, in North’s leader route she isn’t interested in peaceful protesting. And you know what? When I played this game the first time and had Markus, I had been peaceful up until Night of Soul, which is where North would be making her first major decision as a leader if you don’t have Markus. Yet when it came down to it I made the same decision with Markus that North makes on her own, because you know, as a Jewish woman, I wasn’t super interested in peacefully protesting at the gates of camps that were currently killing people. Playing nice hadn’t worked, and it was time to fight.
So maybe I’m in a different position that some others when it comes to interpreting North’s choices, and as I saw that she made the same choice that I did when playing Markus, I’m just… Not impressed that the fandom tendency to criticize this choice as warmongering, unreasonable, and a ‘betrayal’ of Markus’ peaceful actions (always assuming that Markus had been completely peaceful before, which is the way the story pushes on you, but certainly isn’t a given.) As far as I’m concerned, North is taking the action needed to save her people who are in danger right that instant, and humans don’t deserve a nice civil protest (and if I were in her position with Markus alive, I would be furious that he wanted to just sit and talk while people were dying.) They need to be stopped, and she’s going to stop them.
But it wasn’t just her choice in the church that brought me around to North’s side during her leader route, it was her behavior during Crossroads. Specifically, it was her behavior toward Connor, and how it contrasted with some of her actions earlier. So, going back a bit to Spare Parts, where the Jericrew goes on a mission to steal parts from the Cyberlife warehouses at the docks, and you run into John. North votes against taking him with them, citing that they can’t trust him and it’s too dangerous. Moving on a little, to Stratford Tower, if (or, more likely, ‘when’ since it’s pretty difficult to avoid) Simon is injured, North suggests shooting him. These are pretty harsh marks against her, because they seem needlessly ruthless, but are they really?
With John, the answer is maybe yes. But think about it from her perspective; they’ve never seen the ability Markus used, in turning an android deviant. So as far as North is concerned, John was a threat to them about two minutes earlier, and now wants to go with them? With no traumatic catalyst or trusted android vouching for and giving him the key to Jericho? To North John is a potential threat, a potential danger, and she has no reason to trust him. But as the story goes on, North never makes another objection to an android joining them in this way, because she knows they’re truly deviant. As soon as an android is deviant, they’re one of her people.
With Simon, the answer is probably no, because North is exactly right; if Simon lives, and Connor finds him, Connor finds Jericho. It’s that simple, and it’s not a rare series of events. North might be a little fast to jump on the option, because there’s a genuine argument to be made that it isn’t worth killing someone just because there’s a chance that something (even something very serious) might go wrong, but she clearly isn’t choosing this option because she wants it; she’s choosing this option because she thinks it’s the most guaranteed way to protect her people. It’s a difficult, ruthless decision to make, but it isn’t one made out of malice.
(It’s also worth noting that Simon suggests leaving North when she’s in danger in Crossroads, when the only people that would be at risk from saving her were Markus and Connor, and this happens whether or not North suggested killing Simon one the rooftop. Yet this choice is almost never criticized, because it comes from Simon, and I’ll get into that later.)
But with those particular attitudes from North out of the way, it’s interesting to see how she reacts to Connor in her leader route. North instantly shows concern for him, never blames him for the attack on Jericho, and—like Markus—tries to prevent him from going on his suicide mission to Cyberlife Tower. She’s kind and understanding, and it’s clear that she accepts Connor immediately as one of her people.
This is a place where I have some trouble with fandom interpretations of North and Connor’s relationship, specifically in terms of North being angry, cold, or extremely suspicious of Connor (a little suspicion, especially in a more ‘good end’ route where she has less direct interaction with Connor during the revolution, is reasonable; I’m talking about outright refusal to even consider accepting him.) It bothers me for two specific, and somewhat different reasons.
One is that it directly contradicts a theme of North’s history, which is that deviant androids are not their pasts. They’re not what they were before they woke up. The idea of North holding someone’s past, before they turned deviant, against them is just… I can’t imagine it. I can imagine her suspicion, as I mentioned before, until she's very sure Connor is truly deviant, but that seems very apparent to her right away in any route (I find it hard to believe she’d think he was faking deviancy after delivering the army to Markus.) Some concern or suspicion after finding out about the attempted hijacking makes sense, but the way I see it portrayed in fic is often jarring; it seems completely out of character for her to blame Connor for something like that, as opposed to being angry on his behalf, because North wants androids to be free (and, more deeply, she’s experience being used for something she never wanted.) She wants androids to have the chance to live, to become their own people, and to leave their pasts behind them. Why would she blame Connor for what he was made to do, whether before he was deviant or when Amanda tried to take control of him? It goes against everything North stands for, and that leads me to my second reason:
I think people choose this interpretation because it makes North a villain. Maybe it’s not an active conscious decision to do this (and in fact I doubt it usually is), but it reminds me very painfully of the trend in fandom of villainizing a character—especially a female character—in order to woobify a male character (and, often, get the female character out of the way of a ship) and I can’t help but see that here. It seems like a cheap, easy way to excuse other characters turning against North for her behavior, and therefore getting her out of the way as well as causing drama and conflict for the characters the writer really wants to focus on.
And that seems like a good segue into the big topic that people are gonna get mad about being called out on: misogyny. And even more specifically, misogyny when it comes to shipping.
I’m just gonna state this super clearly at the forefront: I have no problem with shipping whoever you want, whyever you want. I’m not personally into most ships for various reasons, but I do have some favorites (most of which other people aren’t into) and shipping is fun! Not everyone agrees on shipping, and that’s okay; not everyone has to like what you like, we can all still exist in harmony.
But that isn’t to say that people don’t engage in, for lack of a better word, ‘problematic’ behavior in their ships. As opposed to just going ‘hey, I like this, I’m gonna do it’, way too many people become obsessed with justifying their ship (and I think this comes from an underlying desire to ‘prove’ it’s canon or based in canon, as a way of making it seem more legitimate, which is a whole other topic I could rant about.) In the process of these justifications, and then often as a part of the fixation or obsession that some people develop about their ships/characters in their ships, any character or ship that ‘threatens’ someone’s favorite is a target that must be destroyed. And, in what I would say is arguably the vast majority of times, that threatening character is a canon female love interest.
Open bashing has (with good reason) gone out of fashion in fandom, so the way to get characters ‘out of the way‘ is to argue an unlikeable interpretation of them. I feel like this is what happens a lot of the time with North, and with the poor writing and flat portrayal of her character in the ‘good end’ route, it’s very easy for people to take the worst of her personality, say it’s canon, and then get rid of her. This is usually a bit side-eye worthy when it happens in any fandom, but it’s extra ridiculous in DBH for one very distinct reason:
North doesn’t have to be a love interest. As I mentioned before, when I first played through I never got the ‘lovers’ scene, because North said way back when Markus first met her that she didn’t want to talk about her past and so in the scene on the roof I just didn’t ask her (and I could write another whole discussion about how no means no and pressuring someone to tell you their past is NOT how to get a romantic option with them, but that’s an issue with another time.) The rest of the game progressed completely as normal, with the only changes being a lack of kissing options in a few later scenes. There’s no reason why fic writers can’t just choose this option for their fic’s canon, and move on.
And yet I can’t tell you how many times North is an obstacle that has to be overcome in order to get Markus with Simon or Connor (because let’s be real, North, Simon, and Connor are the only major ships for Markus even though Josh is RIGHT THERE, but again that’s another topic for another time.) It’s completely unnecessary, and yet there it is: North is this unreasonable, horrible person who is terrible to [insert love interest here] and Markus has to overcome this internal struggle to break free and be with [whoever] and truly be happy.
It’s such nonsense. It’s using this ‘undesirable’ female character as a source of drama and angst for this poor sad male character to have to deal with, as opposed to taking even a moment to treat the female character as a person who might have motivations, experiences, and emotions, and I’ve seen this over and over and over in every single fandom I’ve ever been in. This isn’t a North-specific thing, it’s a female character thing, and honestly if Kara’s storyline weren’t so separate from the fandom favorite shipping characters then I think the same thing would happen to her (as opposed to her existence just being entirely ignored.) This is such a pattern in fandom that I find it very difficult to believe this is a special case where it’s somehow legitimate.
One of those reasons is that the ‘justifications’ for disliking North tend to be complete double standards between North and whatever love interest the writer is going for, whether that’s Simon or Connor. With Connor, it’s extremely obvious; almost all of North’s negative traits are traits he has to some extent as well (ruthlessness, solving problems through violence, stubbornness,) but those traits are not only not usually treated negatively in Connor (and instead are depicted as justified and necessary in context, which I’m not saying they aren’t, but that it’s unfair to say that about him and not her) but often erased entirely, leading to the obnoxiously delicate, wilting flower version of Connor that shows up in so much fic. But again, an issue for another time.
For Simon, it’s less obvious because North and Simon are quite different, but not in opposite ways; North and Josh are opposites in many respects, but Simon is, in a sense, perpendicular to the line North and Josh are at opposite ends of. Simon doesn’t have particularly strong opinions about anything, just going with the flow and being supportive; his strongest opinions are about being cautious and not taking risks. Except, of course, for that scene I mentioned before, where he outright says they should just leave North to die. For such an overall bland character, that needlessly harsh moment stands out to me and I find it kind of amazing how it’s just completely ignored, often while holding it against North that she suggested shooting Simon on the roof.
So I guess the whole point of this rant is that I wish people would think more critically about North as a character, rather than a flat archetype, especially in the context of shipping. It’s cringey and painful to see blatant flanderizing of her character for the sole purpose of being ‘able’ to ship other characters together, whether to use her as an antagonist or just to get her out of the way, when it’s completely unnecessary to begin with. It’s also very obvious where someone’s priorities and biases lie when they’re happy to write North off but then obsess over other poorly written, bland, or even outright purposefully antagonistic characters that they deem somehow to have more potential and be more worthy of attention and character development.
Overall, there’s no requirement to like a character. It’s totally fine not to like a character. But double standards and needless demonizing of a character go far beyond not liking them, and it’s important to stop and think about why it might be happening. Is it always misogyny with North? No, I don’t think so, there are definitely people who don’t like her for her traits and that’s fine. But I think it’s very telling when someone who claims to dislike North for her personality and behavior then spends time in fan works purposefully making her a villain for the benefit of drama in their pet ship. It’s even more telling when someone who claims to dislike North for her personality and behavior, yet they celebrate the potential of characters that are canonically far worse (but who just so happen to be attractive men.) And, unfortunately, both of those situations coincide quite often with vocally disliking North, and there are only so many ways to interpret such a correlation.
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