#Hotch and Alex are mom and dad

[reidmarieprentiss]

Bridges to Belonging

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six

Summary: Y/N lives through the worst day of her life (in this world), will her and Spencer make it out the other side together?

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: angst, crime, smut, fluff

Warnings/Includes: hostage, guns, shooting, injury, danger, angst, crying, having mom and dad, meeting the parents, good relationship with parents, smut (18+) more warnings under the cut

Word count: 14.9k

a/n: hi!! i took a different turn with this than originally intended, believe it or not this is far less angsty than it was going to be

main masterlist

Additional warnings: PiV (unprotected not explicitly mentioned), fingering

Y/N was at work, discussing a patient’s progress with a physician assistant in the brightly lit corridor. The day had been routine, a comforting monotony of chart updates and consultations. She was in the middle of a detailed explanation when suddenly, the air was pierced by the sound of shouting and screaming from down the hall.

Y/N’s heart leapt into her throat as she turned around, her eyes widening in horror. A gunman stood at the entrance of the pediatric ward, his wild eyes scanning the room. He was heavily armed, the cold glint of the weapon sending chills down her spine.

The hospital’s sterile, safe atmosphere shattered in an instant, replaced by raw fear. Y/N’s instincts kicked in, and she reached out to protect the children nearby, pulling them close and trying to shield them as best she could. Her mind raced, but she forced herself to stay calm for the kids’ sake.

“It’s going to be okay,” she whispered, her voice shaking as she tried to comfort the children huddled around her. “Stay quiet and stay close to me.”

The gunman’s voice echoed through the ward, barking orders to his team who were spreading out, searching the rooms methodically. “Find Alex!” he screamed. “We don’t leave until we have him!”

Y/N’s heart pounded louder with each passing second. She had no idea who they were looking for, but the desperation and menace in their actions made it clear they were willing to do anything to find their target.

She locked eyes with the physician assistant, both of them understanding the gravity of the situation. They had to protect the children, keep them safe from this nightmare that had invaded their sanctuary.

The gunman’s gaze swept across the room and landed on Y/N, his eyes narrowing. “You!” he barked, pointing the gun at her. “Get over here!”

Y/N’s legs felt like jelly, but she forced herself to stand, her hands trembling. She stepped forward, trying to keep her voice steady. “Please, there are children here. Let them go.”

The gunman sneered, tightening his grip on the weapon. “You’re in no position to negotiate. Move!”

Y/N complied, her mind racing with fear and uncertainty. She had to stay strong, had to find a way to protect the children and survive this ordeal. As she moved closer to the gunman, she glanced back at the kids, giving them a reassuring nod. 

“Stay calm,” she mouthed, praying that help would come soon. Her thoughts flickered to Spencer, hoping against hope that he would somehow sense something was wrong.

—

Spencer was at his desk, surrounded by stacks of case files and reference books. The familiar hum of the BAU office was a comforting backdrop as he immersed himself in the latest research. He had just made a particularly interesting connection when the door to Hotch's office flew open, and JJ came rushing in, her face pale and urgent.

Hotch emerged a moment later, his expression grave. He called out to the team, his voice cutting through the usual office noise. "Everyone, into the meeting room. Now."

Spencer felt a knot of anxiety tighten in his stomach. He quickly followed the others, his mind racing with possibilities. As they gathered around the table, Hotch wasted no time.

"We have a hostage situation at a hospital," Hotch began, his tone serious and focused. "St. Agnes Hospital. An armed group has taken control of the pediatric wing. They’re looking for a specific patient, presumed to be someone’s son."

Spencer felt his heart stop. St. Agnes. That’s where Y/N works. His mind immediately flashed to her, and a wave of panic surged through him. He tried to keep his breathing steady, but the fear gnawed at him, threatening to overwhelm his composure.

Hotch continued, "We don’t have all the details yet, but we know the gunmen are heavily armed and have made it clear they won’t leave without the patient. The situation is extremely volatile."

Spencer’s hands clenched into fists under the table. He forced himself to focus on Hotch’s words, knowing that staying calm and collected was the only way to help Y/N and the children she was likely with. The pediatric wing. Of course, she would be there, comforting and protecting the kids as best she could.

Morgan noticed the tension radiating from Spencer and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "We’ll get them out, Reid. We’ll get Y/N and those kids out of there."

Spencer nodded, swallowing hard. "What’s our plan?" he asked, his voice barely steady.

Hotch looked around the room, meeting each team member's eyes. "We’ll coordinate with local law enforcement and the hospital security team. JJ, start gathering intel on the gunmen. Prentiss, work with Garcia to get the hospital's layout and any surveillance footage we can use. Morgan, I want you and Rossi to start strategizing entry points and containment. Spencer, we’ll need your expertise on profiling the gunmen. They’re looking for someone specific, which means they have a motive we need to understand quickly."

Spencer nodded again, forcing himself to focus. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, but he knew he had to compartmentalize, to use his fear as fuel to bring Y/N and the children to safety.

As the team dispersed to their tasks, Spencer took a deep breath, steeling himself for the challenge ahead. He wouldn’t let his fear control him. He would use it to drive him, to ensure that Y/N and every single child in that hospital made it out safely.

—

Y/N stood rigidly in front of the gunmen, her eyes filled with a mix of fear and defiance. The children huddled across from her, behind the PA, their small faces pale with terror. The leader of the gunmen, a tall, menacing figure with cold eyes, stepped closer, his gun trained on her.

"Where is Alex Bartel?" he demanded, his voice sharp and unforgiving.

Y/N's heart raced, but she kept her lips pressed tightly together, refusing to give them any information. She couldn't betray the child, no matter what they threatened.

The gunman’s patience was thin. He grabbed her by the arm and shook her. "I asked you a question. Where is Alex Bartel?"

Y/N remained silent, her eyes meeting his with unwavering determination. She knew that giving up Alex would mean certain doom for the child. Her silence was her shield, her only weapon against these monsters.

The gunman’s face twisted in anger. He struck her across the face, the force of the blow sending her reeling. "Talk!" he shouted, his voice echoing through the hall.

Y/N’s vision blurred, but she shook her head, biting back the pain. She wouldn’t break. Not for them. Not ever.

"Fine," the gunman hissed, a cruel smile spreading across his face. He turned his attention to the children. "If you won’t talk, maybe they will."

He reached out to grab one of the kids, a little girl who had been clutching the PA’s leg, tears streaming down her face. Panic surged through Y/N. She couldn’t let them hurt the children. She had to do something.

"No!" Y/N screamed, lunging forward to block the gunman’s path. "Don’t touch her!"

In the chaos, another gunman reacted instinctively to her sudden movement. A shot rang out, echoing through the hall. Y/N felt a searing pain in her shoulder, the force of the impact sending her to the ground. 

To everyone watching, the shot seemed fatal, aimed at her heart. The children screamed, the sound mingling with the shouts of the gunmen. Y/N’s vision darkened, her body slumping as the pain overwhelmed her.

Y/N lay motionless on the cold floor, every nerve in her body screaming with pain. The searing wound in her shoulder throbbed with every heartbeat, but she knew better than to move. She couldn’t give away the fact that she was still alive. If the gunmen realized their mistake, they would surely shoot her again to finish the job.

Her breath came in shallow, controlled gasps, each one a battle against the agony that threatened to overwhelm her. She could hear the gunmen barking orders, their voices a harsh backdrop to the terrified sobs of the children. 

Y/N's mind raced, trying to stay focused. She had to keep still, had to play dead convincingly. Any movement, any sign of life, and the gunmen would be back. She needed to survive for the children, for Spencer, for herself.

The sounds around her blurred into a distant cacophony as she concentrated on remaining perfectly still. She willed herself to ignore the pain, to ignore the fear coursing through her veins. She imagined Spencer’s face, his comforting presence, his strength. It gave her something to hold onto, a reason to endure.

Minutes felt like hours as she lay there, every second a test of her willpower. She could feel the warmth of her blood pooling beneath her, the scent of it mingling with the sterile hospital air. But she didn't move, didn't even flinch.

The gunmen continued their search, their footsteps echoing as they moved through the hospital. Y/N's ears strained to pick up any sign that help was coming, any indication that the nightmare might soon be over. 

As the commotion grew more distant, Y/N allowed herself a tiny sliver of hope. She could hear the faint sound of sirens in the distance, a promise that help was on the way. She just had to hold on a little longer.

In the back of her mind, she clung to the thought of Spencer. He would come. He would find her. She just had to survive until then. And with that thought, she found the strength to keep still, to keep pretending, to keep fighting.

Y/N's resolve was strong, but the unrelenting pain in her shoulder grew more intense with each passing moment. She could feel her strength waning, her body struggling to maintain the façade of lifelessness. The room spun around her, and her vision started to blur, darkening at the edges.

The children’s cries became a distant echo, their voices blending with the harsh commands of the gunmen. Every heartbeat sent a fresh wave of agony through her body, and she could feel herself slipping, her grip on consciousness loosening despite her desperate fight to stay awake.

The blood loss was taking its toll, making her lightheaded and dizzy. She tried to focus on the sounds around her, hoping to catch any sign that help was near, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. Her mind drifted, thoughts of Spencer and the children mingling in a haze of pain and fear.

Finally, the pain became too much to bear. Y/N's body, pushed to its limits, began to shut down. Her eyelids fluttered, and she felt herself falling into the dark abyss of unconsciousness. The last thing she remembered was the faint, distant sound of sirens, a small beacon of hope in the overwhelming darkness.

As she passed out, her body remained still, the illusion of death convincing enough to keep the gunmen at bay. The children, still huddled together, continued to cry, unaware that Y/N's unconscious state was a result of her heroic efforts to protect them.

In the midst of chaos, Y/N's mind finally succumbed to the darkness, her body limp and motionless on the cold hospital floor.

—

Aaron Hotchner stood with the tactical team, coordinating the next steps of their entry strategy. His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he stepped aside to take the call, the tension evident in his posture.

"Hotchner," he answered, his voice steady.

"Sir, we have a report of a casualty inside the hospital. An adult, no ID yet," came the voice on the other end.

Hotch's heart sank. Y/N wasn't just Spencer's girlfriend; she was family to him. He'd known her for years, watching her grow from a compassionate, driven student into a dedicated child psychologist. She had been there for Jack during some of the hardest times in his life, and her presence had been a source of comfort and stability. He didn't want to jump to conclusions, but he couldn't ignore the gnawing fear that it could be Y/N.

He knew Spencer was already on edge, and the last thing he wanted was to add to his anxiety without concrete information. It could not be Y/N. The thought of her being in danger hit him hard, but he had to stay focused for the sake of the mission and everyone involved.

"Understood. Keep me updated," Hotch replied, his tone firm. He turned back to the team, his mind racing. They needed to move quickly and efficiently to minimize further casualties and end the standoff.

Hotch gathered Derek Morgan, David Rossi, and the law enforcement team, finalizing their plan. They would enter through multiple access points, coordinate with the hospital security, and neutralize the gunmen as swiftly as possible.

"We move on my signal," Hotch instructed, his voice carrying the authority and calm needed to lead the team through the chaos.

With a nod, the team moved into position. Hotch, Derek, and Rossi led the charge, their movements precise and controlled. The hospital corridors, usually a place of healing and care, were now battlegrounds filled with tension and fear.

As they breached the pediatric wing, the sound of their approach startled the gunmen. Derek and Rossi quickly subdued the nearest threats, their training and instincts taking over. Hotch moved methodically, his focus unyielding.

"FBI! Drop your weapons!" Hotch's voice echoed through the halls, a command that brooked no argument. The gunmen, caught off guard, began to surrender under the overwhelming presence of the tactical team.

In the midst of securing the area, Derek's keen eyes scanned the rooms for any sign of Y/N. He moved swiftly, his heart pounding with the urgency to find her safe. As he entered one of the rooms, he saw her—lying motionless on the floor, blood pooling beneath her shoulder.

"Y/N!" Derek shouted, rushing to her side. He checked for a pulse, relief washing over him when he felt the faint but steady beat. "Medic! We need a medic here, now!"

Derek gently cradled Y/N's head, his voice soothing despite the chaos around them. "Hang in there, Y/N. You're going to be okay. Help is on the way."

As the medics arrived and began to take her, Derek's thoughts were with Spencer. He knew his friend would be devastated to see Y/N like this, but he also knew that Spencer needed to know the truth.

"Hotch, we found her," Derek reported through his earpiece. "She's alive, but she needs medical attention immediately."

Hotch received Derek's message with a mix of relief and dread. He had to tell Spencer, but he needed to do it in a way that wouldn't distract him from the mission. As the team secured the remaining gunmen and ensured the safety of the children, Hotch made his way back to a quiet area where he could call Spencer.

The weight of what he had to say pressed heavily on his chest. Hotch knew how deeply Spencer cared for Y/N, and the thought of her being hurt was like a knife to his own heart. He took a deep breath and dialed Spencer's number, steeling himself for the conversation ahead.

"Spencer," Hotch said, his voice gentle yet firm when Spencer answered. "We found Y/N. She's alive, but she's injured. Derek and the medics are with her now."

There was a beat of silence on the other end, then a sharp intake of breath. Spencer's eyes widened, a mixture of fear and relief flooding his features. "I need to see her," he said, his voice trembling with emotion, barely holding back the panic threatening to overtake him.

"You will, Spencer," Hotch assured him, his own voice steady despite the turmoil inside. "But we need to make sure the area is completely secure first. Stay focused, and stay where you are. We'll get you to her as soon as it's safe."

Spencer nodded, though Hotch couldn't see it. "Okay," he whispered, his mind racing with images of Y/N lying injured, of the moments they had shared, of the fear that he might lose her. "Please... please hurry."

Hotch could hear the anguish in Spencer's voice, and it tore at him. "We will, Spencer. I promise."

Spencer hung up the phone, his hands shaking. He felt utterly helpless, a sensation he rarely experienced. The logical part of his brain fought to maintain control, to focus on the facts and the tasks at hand, but his heart was in turmoil. Y/N was hurt, and he wasn't there to protect her.

He paced the small room, his mind replaying every moment he had spent with Y/N, every laugh, every touch, every word. The thought of her in pain, of her possibly slipping away from him, was unbearable. He felt a tear escape, and he angrily wiped it away, determined to stay strong for her.

"You'll be okay, Y/N," he whispered to himself, his voice cracking. "You have to be okay."

Back inside the hospital, the team worked with precise urgency. Derek, Rossi, and the law enforcement officers moved through the corridors, securing the gunmen and ensuring the children's safety. Derek's thoughts kept drifting back to Y/N, lying there injured but alive. He pushed himself harder, knowing they needed to get Spencer to her as soon as possible.

Finally, with the immediate threat neutralized and the hostages safe, Derek made his way back to the entrance, where Spencer was waiting, his eyes searching desperately for any sign of Y/N. When Derek saw him, he felt a surge of empathy. Spencer looked like a man on the edge, barely holding himself together.

"Reid," Derek called out, his voice breaking the silence.

Spencer turned, his eyes filled with desperation. "Where is she? Is she okay?"

"She's in the medical bay," Derek said, his voice gentle. "She's stable, but we need to get her to a hospital for surgery."

Spencer didn't wait for Morgan to say anything else. He ran towards the medical bay, his heart pounding in his chest. When he reached it, he saw a flurry of activity, medics moving quickly and urgently around a stretcher. He strained to see through the chaos, his heart in his throat, desperate to catch a glimpse of Y/N.

"Where is she?" he shouted, his voice breaking. "I need to see her!"

A medic stepped in front of him, gently but firmly placing a hand on his shoulder. "Spencer, you can't go in there right now. She's in critical condition and has lost a lot of blood. They're doing everything they can to stabilize her."

Spencer felt like the ground had been pulled out from under him. He swayed slightly, his vision blurring with tears. "No, I need to see her. She needs to know I'm here."

The medic's eyes softened with understanding. "I know this is hard, but the best thing you can do right now is let them work. As soon as she's stable, you'll be the first to know."

Spencer nodded numbly, his heart aching with helplessness. He stepped back, his eyes never leaving the flurry of activity around the stretcher. Every second felt like an eternity as he stood there, silently willing her to hold on.

"I love you, Y/N," he whispered to himself, his voice filled with anguish. "Please hold on. Please be okay."

Finally, the medics began to move, preparing to transport Y/N to the hospital for surgery. Spencer followed as closely as he could, his heart breaking with every step. He couldn't be by her side right now, but he would be there the moment they let him. They had faced a nightmare, but he refused to believe this was the end. They had survived, and he would make sure they had many more days together, no matter what it took.

—

Spencer made his way to the waiting room, his steps heavy with worry. Approaching the receptionist, he tried to steady his voice. "Excuse me, could you please notify me when Y/N L/N is out of surgery?"

The receptionist looked up from her computer and asked, "And who are you in relation to her?"

"I'm her boyfriend," Spencer replied, his voice trembling with the effort to stay calm. “Spencer Reid.”

The receptionist frowned slightly and checked the records. "I'm sorry, but you're not listed as her emergency contact. We'll have to ask her once she's awake if she wants you to be notified."

Frustration surged through Spencer, and he clenched his fists. "You don't understand, she's... she will want me there. I need to know if she's okay. I need to see her."

Luckily, Hotch appeared at his side, placing a calming hand on Spencer's shoulder. "Spencer, it's okay. We'll figure this out."

Hotch turned to the receptionist. "I'm Aaron Hotchner, and Y/N's emergency contacts are myself and my wife, Haley Hotchner. Could you please update us on her status and inform us when she's out of surgery?"

The receptionist nodded, recognizing Hotch. "Of course, Agent Hotchner. We'll make sure you're informed."

As they sat in the waiting room, a storm of emotions churned within Spencer. The initial shock of hearing Y/N was injured had given way to a simmering frustration, which now threatened to boil over. He couldn't understand why he wasn't listed as her emergency contact. After everything they'd been through, after all the moments they had shared, why was he still on the periphery of her life?

Hotch's presence, usually a calming force, now felt like a reminder of his own inadequacy. Spencer tried to remind himself that Y/N had known the Hotchners much longer, and logically it made sense for them to be her contacts. But logic was a poor balm for his wounded pride and anxiety.

"Why am I not her emergency contact?" Spencer muttered under his breath, the words escaping before he could stop them. "We've been together for months. I've been there for her just as much as anyone else."

Hotch, overhearing, placed a hand on Spencer's shoulder. "Spencer, it's not about that. Y/N trusts you. This is just a formality."

"But it doesn’t feel like just a formality," Spencer shot back, his voice rising slightly. "It feels like... like I'm not as important to her as I thought I was."

Hotch met his gaze with steady eyes. "You're not thinking clearly right now. This isn't about who's more important. It's about who could get to her parents the fastest, who’s already in the system. We can update it later, but right now, focus on the fact that she's stable and going to be okay."

Spencer took a deep breath, trying to let Hotch's words sink in. But the knot of frustration in his chest wouldn't fully dissolve. He felt sidelined, helpless, and it was tearing him apart.

He ran a hand through his hair, struggling to keep his composure. "I just... I need to see her. I need to know she's okay."

"You will," Hotch promised, his voice firm. "We're going to see her as soon as they let us. She's going to need you, Spencer. So stay strong for her."

Spencer nodded, his heart aching with a mix of love and frustration. He wanted to be the one Y/N relied on, the one she turned to in her darkest moments. And perhaps, once she was awake and well, they could have that conversation. For now, he had to focus on being there for her, no matter what.

"Spencer, she's in good hands. The doctors are doing everything they can. Let's just focus on being here for her when she wakes up."

Spencer nodded, trying to take comfort in Hotch's words. He knew Hotch cared deeply for Y/N, almost like a sister, and seeing him so calm helped Spencer find some semblance of control.

Meanwhile, Haley was on the phone with Y/N's parents, explaining the situation. "M/N, D/N, Y/N's been hurt, but she's in surgery now. Aaron and I are here with her. I thought you should know. You might want to come as soon as you can."

Her parents, understandably distraught, promised to catch the next flight. "We'll be there as soon as we can, Haley. Thank you for letting us know."

With Y/N's parents on their way, Haley relieved Aaron to go home with Jack and kept Spencer company in the waiting room. She sat next to Spencer, offering him a supportive smile. "She'll pull through, Spencer. She's strong. Just hold on a little longer."

Spencer nodded, trying to take comfort in her words. He appreciated Haley's presence, even though his mind was a whirlwind of worry and frustration. The waiting was agonizing, each passing second dragging on interminably. Every time a doctor or nurse walked by, his heart would leap into his throat, hoping for news.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, a surgeon approached them, his expression serious but not grim. Spencer stood up, his pulse quickening.

"Y/N L/N is out of surgery," the surgeon said, and Spencer's breath caught. "The bullet missed any major organs, but she lost a lot of blood. She's stable now and will be moved to the ICU shortly. You can see her once she's settled."

Relief flooded Spencer, and he nodded, tears of gratitude welling up in his eyes. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Haley squeezed his shoulder again, a silent reminder of the support surrounding him. "I’m going to go see her," she said softly. “I’ll tell her you’re here, ask about having you come back.”

Spencer watched as Haley walked towards the ICU, his mind a tumult of emotions. He was relieved beyond measure, but the ordeal had taken a toll on him. He sank back into his chair, trying to steady his breathing, to calm the frantic beating of his heart.

Minutes later, which felt like hours, Haley returned, her expression gentle but firm. "She’s still groggy, but she’s awake. She wants to see you."

Spencer's heart leapt. He stood up, his legs feeling unsteady, and followed Haley to the ICU. As they walked through the sterile corridors, his thoughts raced. He felt a mixture of overwhelming relief and lingering fear, the adrenaline of the past hours still coursing through his veins.

They reached Y/N's room, and Haley gently opened the door. Spencer stepped inside, his eyes immediately finding Y/N on the bed. She looked pale and fragile, but her eyes were open, and a faint smile played on her lips when she saw him.

"Spence," she whispered, her voice weak but filled with emotion.

Spencer crossed the room in a few quick strides and took her hand, careful not to jostle her. "I'm here," he said, his voice breaking. "I'm right here."

Y/N's fingers tightened around his. "I knew you'd come," she murmured. "I knew you'd be here."

Spencer leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I love you, Y/N. So much."

"I love you too," she whispered back, her eyes closing again as exhaustion overtook her.

Y/N felt the overwhelming relief of seeing Spencer by her side, his presence a soothing balm to her frayed nerves. As his hand enveloped hers, a sense of safety and comfort washed over her. The pain and fear that had gripped her began to ebb away, replaced by the warmth of his touch and the love in his eyes. With Spencer there, holding her hand and whispering words of love and comfort, she finally felt safe enough to rest. The rhythm of his breathing, the warmth of his presence—it was all she needed to drift into a peaceful sleep, knowing she was not alone.

Spencer stayed by her side, his heart aching with love and relief. He watched her breathe, the rise and fall of her chest a soothing rhythm that calmed his frayed nerves. He knew the road to recovery would be long, but they were together, and that was all that mattered.

Haley stood by the door, giving them a moment of privacy before she quietly left to update the others. Spencer barely noticed, his entire focus on Y/N. He held her hand, whispering words of love and reassurance, promising to be there for her every step of the way.

When Y/N woke up, the room was filled with a soft morning light filtering through the blinds. Her eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the dim glow, and she immediately felt the presence of her parents. Her father stood at the foot of the bed, his usually stoic demeanor cracking under the weight of worry for his daughter's health. As a healthcare worker himself, he understood the gravity of her condition, and it showed in the deep lines of concern etched on his face.

Her mother, always kind but with a slightly cold detachment due to her autism, was silently crying. She leaned over, gently kissing Y/N’s forehead, a rare display of emotion and physical contact that spoke volumes about her love and fear.

Both parents were so focused on Y/N that they barely noticed the man asleep next to her bed, or barely cared. Spencer was slumped over in the hospital chair, his hand still entwined with Y/N’s, his face resting on the edge of the bed. The uncomfortable position had left him sore, but he had refused to leave her side.

As Y/N stirred, her father finally noticed Spencer. He glanced at his wife, silently acknowledging the presence of the young man who had stayed with their daughter through the night. There was an unspoken understanding between them, a recognition of Spencer's dedication and love for Y/N.

Spencer woke up with a start, the realization of new faces in the room jolting him upright. His body ached from the awkward position, but his concern for Y/N overrode any discomfort. He quickly assessed the situation, his gaze moving from Y/N's parents to her, checking to see how she was feeling.

Y/N's father stepped forward, extending a hand. "You must be Spencer. I'm Dr. L/N, Y/N's father. Thank you for being here with her."

Spencer stood up, shaking the offered hand. "Yes, sir. Spencer Reid. I'm... I'm her boyfriend," he said, a bit flustered but determined to show his respect.

Her mother, still holding Y/N’s hand, gave Spencer a nod of acknowledgment. "Thank you for staying with her," she said, her voice soft but sincere.

Y/N squeezed Spencer's hand, offering him a reassuring smile despite her own fatigue. "Spence, these are my parents," she introduced gently. "Dad, Mom, this is Spencer."

Spencer nodded, looking at Y/N’s parents with a mix of gratitude and determination. "I wouldn't be anywhere else. I love her."

Dr. L/N gave a small, approving nod, while Y/N's mother gently squeezed her daughter's hand, her tears finally stopping as she found some solace in the love surrounding her child.

The room was filled with a palpable sense of relief and unity. Despite the fear and pain of the past hours, there was a shared understanding that together, they would support Y/N through her recovery, each drawing strength from the presence of the others.

As the days passed, Y/N remained in the hospital, her body gradually healing from the surgery. The sterile environment that had once felt like a sanctuary of healing now felt like a constant reminder of the trauma she had endured. Each day, she was faced with the decision that weighed heavily on her mind: should she stay at her current job, where she no longer felt safe, or should she take her parents up on their offer to move in with them and start anew at her father's hospital?

During her recovery, Y/N spent a lot of time alone with her thoughts, the hospital room both a place of healing and a crucible for her inner turmoil. She looked out the window, watching the world go by, feeling disconnected from it all. The decision felt like a crossroads, each path holding its own set of challenges and uncertainties.

In the quiet moments, she replayed the day she was shot over and over in her mind. The fear, the helplessness, the pain—it all came rushing back. Could she really return to the place where she had almost lost her life? She loved her job and the children she worked with, but the thought of walking through those halls again filled her with dread.

On the other hand, the idea of moving back in with her parents felt like a step backward. She had worked so hard to build her own life and establish her independence. Yet, the safety and comfort of her parents' home and the opportunity to work alongside her father at his hospital seemed appealing. It would provide her with a fresh start, away from the memories of the trauma, and a chance to heal both physically and emotionally.

Y/N's parents visited her often, bringing warmth and reassurance. Her father, with his calm demeanor, spoke about the new position at his hospital, emphasizing how much they needed someone with her skills and compassion. Her mother, despite her usual reserved nature, expressed how much she wanted Y/N to be safe and close to them. Their love and concern were evident, and it tugged at Y/N's heartstrings.

Spencer was a constant presence, too. He stayed with her as much as possible, bringing books to read together and engaging in gentle, comforting conversations. He was her rock, his quiet strength a source of solace. But she knew that staying with him meant staying in the city, where the memories of the shooting would linger.

—

As Y/N finally left the hospital, she decided to celebrate her recovery with a special dinner for her parents and Spencer. She chose a cozy, intimate restaurant where they could all relax and enjoy a pleasant evening together. The soft lighting and warm atmosphere provided the perfect setting for the occasion.

As they sat down at their table, Y/N smiled at the three people who meant the most to her. She felt a deep sense of gratitude for their support and love throughout her recovery. The conversation flowed easily, with laughter and shared stories.

"Spencer, did you know my dad is a doctor too?" Y/N said, glancing between Spencer and her father. "It's one of the reasons I chose to work in healthcare."

Spencer nodded, smiling at her father. "Yes, Y/N mentioned it. What field are you in, Mr. L/N?"

"I'm in internal medicine," her father replied, his eyes twinkling with pride. "Y/N has always had a passion for helping others. I'm glad she's found her own path in the medical field."

Y/N's mother chimed in, her voice warm but slightly detached, "And we hear you're a doctor too, Spencer. That's quite impressive."

Spencer blushed slightly, feeling the weight of their admiration. "Yes, I'm a profiler with the Behavioral Analysis Unit. It's a bit different from traditional medicine, but it's incredibly rewarding."

The conversation continued pleasantly, with everyone enjoying the meal and each other's company. However, the topic soon turned to the decision that had been weighing heavily on Y/N's mind.

"So, Y/N, have you made a decision?" her father asked gently, his tone filled with concern.

Spencer looked puzzled, glancing between Y/N and her parents. "What decision are you talking about?"

Y/N hesitated, her heart racing. Before she could respond, her mother, oblivious to the tension, answered, "Oh, the decision about whether Y/N will stay here or move back home with us to work at her father's hospital. We think it would be best for her to be closer to family, especially after what happened."

Spencer's face fell, a mix of shock and hurt washing over him. He looked at Y/N, his eyes filled with a storm of emotions. "Y/N, you never mentioned this to me," he said quietly, his voice trembling.

Y/N reached out to him, her eyes pleading. "Spence, I was going to talk to you about it. I just... I needed more time to figure things out."

But Spencer was already standing, his chair scraping against the floor. "I need some air," he muttered, turning and walking out of the restaurant before anyone could stop him.

Y/N watched him go, her heart breaking. She turned back to her parents, her eyes filled with tears. "I need to go after him," she said, her voice choked with emotion.

Her father nodded, understanding. "Go, Y/N. We'll be here when you get back."

Y/N hurried out of the restaurant, searching for Spencer. She found him outside, leaning against a lamppost, his shoulders hunched. She approached him slowly, her heart aching for the pain she saw in his eyes.

"Spence," she whispered, reaching out to touch his arm. "I'm so sorry. I was going to tell you."

Spencer looked at her, his eyes filled with a mixture of love and anguish. "Why didn't you, Y/N? Why didn't you trust me enough to share this with me?"

Y/N's tears flowed freely now, her voice trembling. "I was scared, Spence. Scared of losing you, scared of making the wrong decision. I didn't want to burden you with my doubts."

Spencer took a deep breath, his expression softening slightly. "Y/N, you're not a burden. I love you, and I want to be there for you, no matter what. But we can't keep secrets from each other. We have to face these challenges together."

As they stood in the dim light outside the restaurant, Spencer stepped back slightly, searching Y/N’s eyes for answers. His voice was soft but tinged with hurt and confusion. "Y/N, why are you even considering leaving? Is it because of me?"

Y/N's eyes widened in shock, she stepped forward and brought her hands up to cradle his face. "No, Spencer, it's not because of you. It's not about you at all."

"Then why?" he asked, his voice cracking. "Why are you thinking about moving back home?"

Y/N took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "It's because of what happened, Spence. After getting shot, I don't feel safe at the hospital anymore. I thought I could handle it, but every time I walk through those doors, I relive that moment. My parents offered me a job at my dad's hospital, and it feels like a safe place to heal and recover."

Spencer looked down, his heart heavy with the weight of her words. "I just thought... I thought we were building something here, together. I didn't realize you were struggling so much."

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Y/N whispered, tears streaming down her face. "I didn't want to worry you, and I didn't know how to bring it up. But please believe me, Spencer, you're the reason I want to stay. You're my anchor, my safe place. I love you so much."

Spencer's eyes, instead of softening, hardened with a mix of confusion and frustration. "Why didn't you tell me, Y/N? How could you keep something this big from me?" His voice was louder now, the pain and anger evident.

"I didn't know how, Spencer! I was scared and confused," Y/N cried, her voice cracking. "I didn't want to burden you with my fears."

"Burden me?" Spencer repeated incredulously. "Y/N, we're supposed to share our burdens, not hide them from each other! Do you have any idea how it feels to find out like this, from your parents, not from you?"

Y/N flinched at his words, the guilt gnawing at her. "I know, and I'm sorry. But this isn't easy for me either! I don't feel safe there anymore, and my parents offered me a way out."

"A way out? So you're just going to run away?" Spencer snapped, the anger he rarely showed now surfacing. "What about us? What about what we're doing here?"

"Don't you think I want to stay?" Y/N shot back, her own anger flaring. "Don't you think I want to be with you? But I can't keep pretending everything's okay when it's not!"

Spencer ran a hand through his hair, pacing in frustration. "I thought we were in this together. But it feels like you're making decisions without me."

"I'm trying to figure things out, Spencer! I'm scared, and I don't know what to do," Y/N shouted, her voice breaking. "But that doesn't mean I don't love you."

Spencer stopped pacing and turned to face her, his eyes filled with a mix of anger and hurt. "Then why does it feel like you're already leaving?"

Y/N took a deep breath, her voice trembling as she replied, "I think we both know the answer to that."

Spencer's face fell, a look of devastation crossing his features. "Y/N, don't... please."

She shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Spence, I love you, but I can't stay here feeling like this. I'm scared all the time, and I can't keep pretending that everything's okay. It’s not fair to either of us."

"But we can work through this," Spencer argued, his voice desperate. "We can find a way."

Y/N's voice broke as she continued, "I wish it were that simple. But every time I walk into that hospital, I relive that day. I can't breathe, I can't function. I can't keep living like this."

Spencer's eyes filled with tears, his voice barely a whisper. "So, what does this mean for us?"

Y/N's heart ached as she looked at him, her voice raw with pain. "It means I need to go home, to heal. I need time, and space, and I can't do that here. And you... you need to be here, doing what you do best. It's not fair to ask you to leave everything for me."

Spencer shook his head, his tears falling freely now. "I don't care about that. I care about you. I can't lose you."

Y/N stepped closer, her hand gently cupping his cheek. "You won't lose me. But we both need to take this time to figure things out. Maybe one day, when we're both ready, we can find our way back to each other."

Spencer closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. "I don't want to wait. I want you now."

Y/N's heart shattered at his words, but she knew what needed to be done. "I know, Spence. But right now, I need to do this for me. And you need to let me."

Spencer opened his eyes, the pain evident in his gaze. "I don't know if I can."

Y/N's voice was soft but firm. "You can. You're stronger than you think. And so am I. We'll get through this, somehow."

Spencer took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. "I love you, Y/N. More than anything."

"I love you too, Spence," she whispered, her voice breaking. "That's why this hurts so much."

—

Y/N stumbled down the street, tears streaming down her face. She didn’t care that she had abandoned her parents at the restaurant or that she probably looked crazy. She couldn’t bear the weight of the conversation with Spencer any longer. Her heart ached with the realization of how deeply she had hurt him, and now she felt lost, not knowing what to do next. She needed someone to talk to, someone who could offer her guidance. Without much thought, she found herself walking toward the Hotchner household, seeking out Haley.

When she arrived, Haley opened the door, her face filled with concern upon seeing Y/N’s tear-streaked face. She immediately welcomed her inside, guiding her to the living room and offering her a comforting hug.

“Y/N, what’s wrong? What happened?” Haley asked gently, leading her to the couch.

Y/N took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. “I don’t know what to do, Haley. Spencer and I… we just had a huge fight. He’s so hurt, and I feel like everything is my fault. My parents want me to go back home with them, but I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do. I love Spencer so much, but I don’t want to keep hurting him. But… I’m also hurting so bad right now. I don’t know if I can go back to my normal life.”

Haley nodded, listening intently. “Relationships are hard, Y/N. They’re ever-changing, and you have to grow together each year. It’s not always easy, but if you really love someone, you find a way to make it work.”

Y/N looked up at Haley, her eyes searching for reassurance. “Do you really think Spencer and I can get through this? Do you think we’re right for each other?”

Haley smiled softly. “I haven’t seen two people so perfect for each other in a long time. Aaron and I have talked about it, and we both agree that we’ve never seen Spencer glow like he does when he talks about you. He’s happier, more at ease. Aaron even noticed that he picks at his fingers less, doesn’t get as many migraines, and talks to his mom more since you came into his life. You’ve made a huge impact on him.”

Y/N’s heart swelled with emotion, but doubt still lingered. “But what if I can’t fix this? What if he never forgives me?”

Haley squeezed her hand reassuringly. “You have to try, Y/N. Relationships aren’t about being perfect; they’re about loving each other through the imperfections. Spencer loves you, and you love him. That’s a strong foundation to build on. It’s going to take time and effort, but if you both want it, you can make it work.”

Y/N wiped away her tears, feeling a glimmer of hope. “Thank you, Haley. I needed to hear that.”

Haley smiled warmly. “Anytime, Y/N. Just remember, it’s okay to ask for help and lean on the people who care about you. You don't have to be alone in this.”

Y/N nodded, “Haley, I’m scared,” she admitted, her voice trembling. “I’ve already hurt him so much. What if he doesn’t want to give us another chance?”

Haley took a deep breath, her expression serious yet compassionate. “Y/N, Spencer loves you. That kind of love doesn’t just disappear. Yes, he’s hurt, and it might take time for him to heal. But he’s also strong and capable of forgiveness. The key is showing him that you’re committed to making things right.”

Y/N nodded, her eyes filled with uncertainty. “But how do I do that? How do I prove to him that I’m not going to run away again?”

Haley leaned forward, her gaze intense. “You have to be honest with him, Y/N. About everything. Tell him why you’re thinking about leaving, what you are feeling, and what you want for the future. He needs to understand that your decision to leave isn’t because you don’t love him, but because you are scared and confused.”

Y/N wiped away another tear, her heart heavy with regret. “I should have talked to him instead of running away. I see that now. But I was so afraid that he wouldn’t understand, that he would see me as weak.”

Haley’s expression softened, and she reached out to gently squeeze Y/N’s hand. “We all have moments of weakness, Y/N. It’s part of being human. But it’s how we deal with those moments that define us. Spencer doesn’t see you as weak; he sees you as someone he loves deeply. And if you’re willing to fight for your relationship, he will see that too.”

Y/N took a deep breath, trying to steady her emotions. “Do you really think he’ll give me another chance?”

Haley smiled, her eyes filled with reassurance. “I do. But you have to be patient. And from what I’ve seen, you and Spencer have something truly special.”

Y/N clung to Haley, grateful for her support and guidance. She knew the road ahead wouldn’t be easy, but with Haley’s words echoing in her mind, she felt ready to face the challenges and fight for the love she and Spencer shared.

She still had a big decision to make.

—

Spencer, his face streaked with tears, knocked on Emily's apartment door with a heavy heart. He didn't know where else to turn. Emily had always been like a big sister to him, someone who could offer the comfort and perspective he desperately needed. And he didn’t want Derek to see him cry.

Emily opened the door, her concern evident the moment she saw him. "Spencer, what happened?" she asked, stepping aside to let him in.

Without a word, Spencer walked in and collapsed onto her couch, his body wracked with sobs. Emily sat beside him, offering a comforting presence. Sergio, her cat, sensed the tension and padded over, nuzzling against Spencer's leg.

Spencer reached down to stroke Sergio, the gentle purring providing a small, welcome distraction from his overwhelming emotions. After a few moments, he began to speak, his voice choked with grief. "Emily, I don't understand. She’s thinking about leaving. She didn't even tell me she was considering it. I thought we were working things out."

Emily's eyes widened in surprise. "Who’s thinking about leaving? Y/N? Y/N's thinking about leaving? What do you mean, Spencer? I had no idea she was even considering it."

Spencer looked up, his eyes red and swollen. "She’s been talking to her parents about moving back home with them. She’s so hurt, Emily. She doesn’t feel safe here anymore. And now, she’s thinking about going back because she thinks it’s the only way to heal."

Emily listened intently, her heart aching for her friend. "Spencer, I know this is incredibly hard for you. But you have to remember, Y/N's situation is different. She went through something traumatic. It's not like facing unsubs for us."

Spencer looked up, his eyes red and swollen. "But why didn't she talk to me? Why didn't she trust me enough to share her fears? I've faced danger too, and I never thought about leaving."

Emily reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Spencer, what we do for a living isn't normal. We’re trained to handle these situations. Y/N isn’t. Her job was about helping people, not facing life-threatening dangers every day. It’s not about her not trusting you. It’s about her needing to feel safe and in control of her own life again."

Spencer nodded, trying to understand, but the pain was still raw. "I just... I feel so helpless. I love her so much, and I can't stand the thought of losing her. It feels like she's giving up on us."

Emily sighed, pulling him into a gentle hug. "Spencer, she's not giving up on you. She's trying to heal in the only way she knows how. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She just needs time and space to figure things out."

Sergio climbed onto Spencer's lap, curling up and purring louder. Spencer stroked the cat absentmindedly, finding a small measure of comfort in the simple act. "I just wish I could understand her better. I want to support her, but I don't know how."

Emily gave him a reassuring smile. "You already are supporting her by trying to understand. Give her time, and give yourself time too. Healing isn't a straight path, and it's okay to feel lost right now."

Spencer nodded, the tears still flowing but his heart a little lighter. 

After leaving Emily's apartment, Spencer found himself wandering through the quiet streets, his thoughts a tangled mess of emotions. The night air was cool, but it did little to calm the storm raging inside him. Emily's words had brought some clarity, but the pain and confusion remained.

As he walked, Spencer's mind kept returning to Y/N. Her smile, the way her eyes lit up when she talked about something she loved, the comfort he felt in her presence – all of it played on a loop in his mind. He couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal, but underneath that was a deeper, more painful emotion: fear. Fear of losing her, fear of being alone again, fear of never finding that same connection with anyone else.

He thought about the nights they spent together, talking about everything and nothing, the way she made him feel understood in a way no one else ever had. She had become his safe place, his anchor in a world that often felt overwhelming. The idea of her leaving, of not having her in his life, was unbearable.

Spencer stopped by a park bench and sat down, burying his face in his hands. He felt tears welling up again, and he let them fall freely. Why can't I fix this? he thought. Why can't I make her see that she doesn't have to run away to heal?

He remembered their early days together, how effortlessly they had clicked, how natural it had felt to be with her. They had shared so many dreams and hopes for the future, and now it all seemed to be slipping away. He couldn't understand why she hadn't come to him, why she had kept her fears and plans hidden until now. It felt like a betrayal, but he also knew that she was hurting in ways he couldn't fully comprehend.

Maybe I'm not enough for her, he thought, the doubt creeping in. Maybe she needs more than I can give. The idea of her moving back home, starting a new life without him, was a knife to his heart. But he couldn't force her to stay, couldn't make her see things his way. All he could do was be there for her, support her in whatever decision she made, even if it meant letting her go.

He wiped his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. "I love you, Y/N," he whispered into the night. "And I will always love you, no matter what happens. I just wish you could see how much I need you, how much we need each other."

The thought of her leaving still tore him apart, but he knew he had to respect her choices, even if it broke his heart. As he stood up to head home, he made a silent vow to himself: to be the best partner he could be, to support her through her pain, and to hope that, in time, they could find their way back to each other.

—

The BAU team was exhausted as they stepped off the jet, the weight of their latest case still heavy on their shoulders. It had been a grueling two weeks, filled with sleepless nights and relentless days. Yet, for Spencer Reid, the exhaustion went beyond the physical. His heartache was evident to everyone, casting a shadow over the team's usual camaraderie.

Spencer barely acknowledged anyone as they made their way to their desks. His eyes were sunken, dark circles prominent under them, and his shoulders slumped with an invisible weight. The team exchanged worried glances, their concern for him palpable. Spencer’s usual spark was missing, replaced by a haunting emptiness.

Hotch noticed Spencer's avoidance and knew why. He himself had struggled with the knowledge of Y/N's final decision. The unspoken tension between them was thick, neither willing to confront the painful truth just yet.

Emily watched Spencer with a heavy heart. She had seen him hurt before, but this was different. The loss of Y/N had gutted him in a way that no other personal tragedy had. She approached him gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Spence, you holding up?" she asked softly.

Spencer forced a small, tired smile. "Yeah, I'm fine," he lied, his voice hollow. "Just tired."

Derek, sitting nearby, shook his head. "We’re all tired, man, but this isn’t just about the case, is it?" His voice was filled with a mix of concern and frustration. "You don't have to pretend with us."

Spencer glanced around, his eyes briefly meeting each of theirs. He knew they cared, knew they wanted to help, but the pain was too raw, too personal. "I just need some time," he said quietly, his gaze dropping to his desk. "I'll be okay."

JJ, standing by Hotch's office, crossed her arms and frowned. "Spence, we’re your family. Lean on us. We’re here for you, no matter what."

Hotch, who had been silently observing, stepped forward. "Take some time off, Spencer. Go home, rest. We’ve got things covered here."

Spencer nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He grabbed his bag and made his way out, feeling the weight of their concern following him. As he exited the building, he couldn't shake the image of Y/N from his mind, wondering if she was still in Quantico or if she had already left for good.

Back inside, the team watched him go, their hearts heavy with worry. Emily turned to Hotch. "Do you know if she’s still here?" she asked softly.

Hotch sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don’t know. She was supposed to make a decision while we were gone. I haven’t heard from her."

Penelope, who had been unusually quiet, finally spoke up, her voice trembling. "I tried calling her, but she never answered. I didn’t want to invade her privacy by tracking her down, but... I’m so worried about both of them."

Rossi, leaning against his desk, shook his head. "Sometimes, love isn’t enough. They both have to want to fight for it. And right now, it seems like they’re both too hurt to see clearly."

The team nodded, knowing Rossi was right but still hoping for a miracle. They had seen Spencer at his best and his worst, and they weren’t ready to give up on him—or Y/N.

Meanwhile, Spencer wandered through the streets of Quantico, his mind a whirlwind of memories and emotions. He missed Y/N with every fiber of his being, but the fear of hearing she had left was paralyzing. He wanted to reach out to her, to beg her to stay, but he didn’t know if he could handle another rejection.

As he walked, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, his heart skipping a beat when he saw a message from Hotch.

Spencer, I know you’re struggling. If you need to talk, I’m here. Don’t shut us out.

Spencer stared at the message, feeling a surge of emotion. He typed a quick response, Thanks, Hotch. I’ll be okay, before shoving his phone back in his pocket. He wasn’t ready to talk yet, but the offer of support meant more than he could express.

Spencer walked the entire way home, his mind a tangled web of thoughts and emotions. He needed the time to process everything that had happened over the past few weeks, to try and make sense of his feelings. As he approached his apartment building, he noticed a figure slumped against the wall near his door. His heart rate quickened with alarm, but as he drew closer, he saw the familiar green Converse sneakers and his breath caught in his throat.

It was Y/N.

She was sitting on the ground, her arms wrapped around her shins, her head resting on her knees. The sight of her there, vulnerable and broken, stirred a whirlwind of emotions within him. He felt an overwhelming surge of love and relief, but also a gnawing fear of reopening old wounds.

Spencer stood frozen for a moment, his mind racing. Should he approach her? What would he say? Would she welcome him or push him away? He felt a wave of doubt and uncertainty, but then he saw her shoulders shaking with silent sobs, and the decision was made for him.

Slowly, hesitantly, he walked toward her, his footsteps almost silent. He knelt down beside her, his hand trembling as he reached out to touch her shoulder. The moment his fingers brushed against her, she looked up, her tear-filled eyes meeting his. For a split second, time seemed to stand still, and all the hurt and confusion of the past weeks melted away, leaving only the profound connection between them.

"Y/N," he whispered, his voice filled with emotion.

"Spence," she choked out, her voice cracking as fresh tears welled up in her eyes.

Spencer felt his heart swell with a mix of love and sorrow. Without another word, he gently helped her to her feet, their eyes never breaking contact. He could see the depth of her pain, the regret etched on her face, and it mirrored his own.

As they stood there, the night air cool around them, Spencer realized that he couldn't turn away from her. He couldn't let his fear and anger keep him from the person he loved most in the world. He took a deep breath, his resolve strengthening.

"Come inside," he said softly, guiding her towards the door. "Let's talk."

Y/N nodded, her fingers clutching his hand as if afraid he might disappear. They walked into the apartment in silence, the familiar surroundings bringing a sense of comfort and security. Spencer led her to the couch, where they both sat down, the tension between them palpable.

Spencer got up briefly to get them each a glass of water, hoping it would help calm their nerves. When he returned, he sat at one end of the couch, Y/N at the other. The distance between them felt like a chasm, a stark contrast to the closeness they once shared.

Y/N took a sip of her water, her hands shaking slightly. Finally, she broke the silence, her voice barely above a whisper. "I couldn't leave."

Spencer's eyes softened, his own heart aching with the weight of their shared pain. "You couldn't or you wouldn't?"

Y/N's gaze met his, filled with unshed tears. "I couldn't. I couldn't leave you."

Spencer set his glass down and moved a little closer, the emotional distance still lingering between them. "I was so scared, Y/N. Scared that you were leaving because I wasn’t enough, because I couldn’t protect you. I didn’t understand why you would go through something like that alone."

Y/N shook her head, her voice trembling as she spoke. "I thought I was protecting you, Spence. I thought leaving would make things easier for both of us, but I was wrong. I see that now."

Spencer's eyes held a mix of frustration and hurt. "You broke my trust, Y/N. You left without a word, without giving us a chance to face it together. Do you have any idea what that did to me?"

Y/N's tears spilled over, her voice breaking. "I know, and I'm so sorry. I was scared and confused, but that doesn’t excuse what I did. I thought I could handle it on my own, but I need you, Spencer. I need us."

Spencer took a deep breath, the pain in his chest easing slightly as he saw the sincerity in her eyes. He moved a little closer, closing some of the distance between them. "I want to believe you, Y/N. I really do. But it’s going to take time. I need to see that you mean what you say."

Y/N nodded, her heart heavy with regret but also filled with hope. "I understand, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things right. I love you, Spencer. More than anything."

Spencer looked at her, his own tears threatening to fall. "I love you too, Y/N. Let's take this one step at a time."

Y/N smiled through her tears, the first genuine smile she had felt in weeks. "One step at a time."

As they sat there, the weight of their emotions hanging in the air, they both felt a glimmer of hope. It wouldn't be easy, but they were willing to try. And in that moment, it was enough.

—

Spencer arrived at his desk, his mind still a whirlwind of emotions from the encounter with Y/N. He noticed an envelope sitting there, his name clearly scrawled in Y/N's familiar handwriting. His heart skipped a beat as he picked it up, fingers trembling slightly as he opened it.

Inside, he found a handwritten note from Y/N. Taking a deep breath, he began to read.

Spencer,

I know I’ve apologized before, but I need to do it again. I’m truly sorry for the pain I caused you, for breaking your trust and your heart. I can’t change the past, but I want to make things right. I want to start over, to rebuild what we had, if you’re willing to give me that chance.

I’m inviting you to a second first date. Just you and me, getting to know each other again. No pressure, no expectations, just a chance to see if we can find our way back to each other. Meet me at the park by the fountain at 6 PM on Saturday. If you don’t come, I’ll understand, but I hope you do.

Yours always,

Y/N

Spencer's heart raced as he read the note, his mind a mix of hope, fear, and uncertainty. As he sat there, contemplating what to do, he knew that he couldn’t let fear hold him back. This was a chance to rebuild, to see if the love they once shared could be rekindled. And for that, he was willing to take the risk.

Carefully folding the note, he placed it back in the envelope and slipped it into his jacket pocket. 

Spencer looked up from the note, momentarily startled by Derek's voice. He quickly tried to compose himself, but Derek had already caught the slight flush of color in Spencer's cheeks.

"What ya got there, pretty boy?" Derek asked, leaning against the edge of Spencer's desk with a teasing grin.

Spencer hesitated for a moment, his fingers still holding the envelope. He glanced down at it, then back up at Derek, deciding that honesty might be the best approach. "It's a note from Y/N," he said quietly, his voice betraying a mix of emotions.

Derek raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. "A note from Y/N, huh? What does it say?"

Spencer sighed, feeling a bit vulnerable. "She apologized again and... she invited me to a second first date," he admitted, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth despite the turmoil inside.

Derek's grin widened. "A second first date? Sounds like she's really trying to make things right. How do you feel about that?"

Spencer glanced back at the note, his mind racing with thoughts and emotions. "I don't know, Derek. Part of me is still hurt and angry, but another part of me... I want to give it another chance. I miss her."

Derek nodded, his expression turning serious. "You’ve been through a lot, man. It's okay to be cautious, but it’s also okay to follow your heart. If you think there’s a chance to rebuild, then go for it. But do what feels right for you."

Spencer took a deep breath, appreciating Derek's support. "Thanks, Derek. I think I’ll give it a shot and see what happens."

Derek clapped him on the shoulder, offering a reassuring squeeze. "Good for you, pretty boy."

— 

Y/N glanced at her watch again, her heart sinking as the minutes ticked by. It was 6:05 pm, and Spencer still hadn't shown up. She tried to keep her hope alive, but the longer she waited, the harder it became. She could already feel her heart breaking, the familiar ache of disappointment setting in.

Just as she was about to give up and call it a night, she heard the sound of hurried footsteps. She looked up to see Spencer jogging towards her, his face flushed and slightly out of breath. Relief and a flicker of hope filled her heart as he reached her, panting lightly.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," Spencer said between breaths, his eyes wide with sincerity and regret. "I couldn't decide if I wanted to come. But I’m here now."

Y/N's eyes softened, a mix of emotions swirling within her. "You came," she said, her voice a little shaky. "That's what matters."

Spencer took a deep breath, finally catching his breath. "I know I’ve been a mess, and I’ve struggled with everything that happened. But I couldn’t ignore this chance, Y/N. I couldn't let you slip away without trying."

Y/N nodded, feeling a tear escape and roll down her cheek. "I’m glad you’re here, Spencer."

Spencer stepped closer, his eyes never leaving hers. "I miss you, Y/N. I miss us. Can we try to find our way back to each other?"

Y/N's heart swelled with hope and determination. "Yes, Spencer. We can try. We can start with this second first date and see where it takes us."

They stood there for a moment, the tension easing as they both felt the possibility of a fresh start. Spencer smiled, his nerves settling a bit. "Shall we?" he asked, offering her his arm.

Y/N smiled back, linking her arm with his. "Yes, let's."

Spencer looked at her curiously. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," she replied with a mysterious smile.

After a short walk, they arrived at a newly opened Thai restaurant. Spencer's eyes widened in surprise. "The Thai place! I've been wanting to try this for weeks. How did you know?"

Y/N smiled warmly. "I remember you mentioning it a while ago. I thought it would be a nice surprise."

Spencer's face lit up with a blend of joy and disbelief. "You remembered that?"

She chuckled, feeling a warm flutter in her chest. "I pay attention to the things you say, Spencer. You matter to me."

Once seated, Spencer noticed Y/N reaching into her bag. She pulled out a book and placed it on the table between them. It was a rare Russian literature book he had been searching for but couldn't find.

Spencer's jaw dropped. "How did you…? This book is almost impossible to find!"

Y/N grinned. "I have my ways."

Spencer felt his heart swell with emotion. "Y/N, this means so much to me. Thank you."

They ordered their food, and as they waited, they held hands over the table, their fingers intertwined. The nervousness of their first date mingled with the comfort of their familiar bond, creating a blend of excitement and warmth.

Spencer smiled, a touch of mischief in his eyes. "Remember our first date? I was so nervous, I almost spilled coffee all over myself."

Y/N laughed softly, squeezing his hand. "I remember. You were adorable. Still are, actually."

Spencer blushed, his gaze never leaving hers. "You make me feel like the luckiest guy in the world."

Their conversation flowed easily, filled with laughter and shared memories. They talked about their favorite moments together, their hopes for the future, and the joy of reconnecting. Every glance, every touch, was a reaffirmation of their love.

"So, what else do you have planned for tonight?" Spencer asked, his voice playful.

Y/N smirked, leaning in closer. "You'll have to wait and see. But I promise, it’s something you'll love."

Spencer raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "You always know how to keep me on my toes."

When their food arrived, they eagerly dug in, sharing bites and savoring the flavors. The meal was delicious, and the ambiance was perfect. They were in their own little world, surrounded by the buzz of the restaurant but completely focused on each other.

Y/N took a sip of her drink and looked at Spencer with a teasing glint in her eye. "You know, I think this date is going pretty well. What do you think, Dr. Reid?"

Spencer grinned, playing along. "I think it's going exceptionally well, Dr. L/N. You certainly know how to impress. I can't believe you did all this for me. You've made tonight unforgettable," he said, his voice filled with emotion.

Y/N squeezed his hand. "I wanted to show you how much you mean to me, Spencer. I wanted to make things right."

Spencer leaned across the table and kissed her gently. "You have, Y/N. More than you know."

As Spencer and Y/N left the restaurant, the cool night air wrapped around them like a comforting blanket. They walked side by side, their hands naturally finding each other, fingers intertwining as if they had never been apart. The gentle pressure of their clasped hands sent a wave of warmth through Spencer, a silent reassurance that they were on the path to healing.

Y/N glanced up at him, a playful smile tugging at her lips. "Do you remember the first time we walked home together?" she asked, her voice filled with nostalgia.

Spencer chuckled, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "I do. I was so nervous, I kept stumbling over my words."

Y/N laughed softly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "I thought it was cute how flustered you got. I was secretly hoping you'd ask me to hold your hand, just like this."

Spencer blushed, shaking his head with a grin. "I was terrified I’d say something stupid and ruin everything. You were just so pretty, I couldn’t form a single coherent thought."

"Oh, I was pretty, was I? What am I now, then?" Y/N teased, her eyes sparkling as she looked up at him.

Spencer's smile widened, and he leaned in a little closer, his eyes locking with hers. "Now? Now you're absolutely breathtaking," he replied softly, his tone filled with sincerity.

Y/N felt a warmth spread through her chest at his words. "Breathtaking, huh? You really do know how to make a girl feel special."

Spencer chuckled, his hand gently squeezing hers. "Well, it’s the truth. Every time I see you, I’m reminded of how lucky I am."

Y/N's cheeks flushed, and she playfully nudged him. "You always were the charmer, Spencer Reid."

Spencer grinned, feeling more confident with each passing moment. "Only for you, Y/N. Only for you."

Spencer leaned in completely, his eyes never leaving Y/N’s. He hesitated for just a moment, as if seeking her silent permission, and then closed the distance between them. His lips met hers in a gentle, tender kiss, filled with all the emotions they had both been holding back. It was a kiss of longing, of apology, and of hope.

Y/N’s heart soared as she kissed him back, her hands resting on his chest. The world around them seemed to disappear, leaving just the two of them in this perfect moment. She felt the warmth of his love and the sincerity of his feelings in every soft movement of his lips.

When they finally pulled away, both of them were breathless. Spencer rested his forehead against hers, a small, contented smile playing on his lips. "I’ve missed you too, Y/N. More than you can imagine."

"Hmm, no, I think I have a pretty good idea." Y/N said softly. 

They continued walking, their conversation filled with lighthearted banter and shared memories. Spencer looked down at Y/N, admiring the way her hair shimmered under the streetlights.

"You know, you look absolutely stunning tonight," he said, his voice sincere.

Y/N laughed, her cheeks tinged with a hint of pink. "You’re just saying that because I’m wearing your favorite dress."

Spencer shook his head, his smile tender. "The dress doesn’t hurt, but it's you that takes my breath away."

Y/N grinned, placing her fingers on his wrist in a mock serious manner. "Hmm, seems like you might be in love, Dr. Reid. It’s a common side effect of spending time with me."

Spencer laughed, the sound warm and genuine. "I think I might need a second opinion."

"Pretty sure I’m the best in the business," Y/N teased back, her eyes twinkling. "But if you insist on another opinion, you might have to wait until Monday."

"Then I’ll just have to trust your diagnosis, Doctor," Spencer said, pulling her a little closer as they walked. "I must admit, I like the symptoms."

"Good," Y/N replied, feeling her heart swell with happiness. "Because I plan on being your personal physician for a very long time."

Their walk continued in comfortable silence, punctuated by the occasional shared glance and squeeze of hands. The night was peaceful, and they both felt a sense of rightness, as if the universe had finally aligned in their favor.

As they neared Y/N's doorstep, she looked up at Spencer, her heart racing with anticipation and hope. "Spence… you can say no, but do you want to come in?" she asked, her voice soft and hopeful.

Spencer looked into her eyes, his own filled with a mix of love and anticipation. “More than anything,” he replied, a gentle smile spreading across his face.

Y/N's heart fluttered as she unlocked the door and led him inside. The warmth of her apartment enveloped them, and she felt a sense of rightness wash over her. They stood in the entryway for a moment, the air between them charged with unspoken emotions.

Spencer leaned in, his lips capturing Y/N’s in a deep, sensual kiss. The intensity of his touch made Y/N’s heart race. She responded eagerly, her hands sliding up to his shoulders, pulling him closer. Spencer’s hands found their way to her waist, holding her firmly yet tenderly.

The kiss deepened, becoming more passionate. Spencer’s fingers traced the curve of her spine, sending shivers down her back. Y/N’s hands moved to his hair, tangling in the soft strands as she pressed herself against him.

“Y/N,” Spencer murmured against her lips, his voice filled with desire.

“Yes, Spence?” she whispered back, her breath hitching as his lips trailed down her neck, leaving a trail of warmth in their wake.

“I want you,” he confessed, his voice raw with emotion.

“I want you too,” Y/N replied, her voice trembling with anticipation.

They moved together, their bodies speaking the unspoken words between them. Y/N’s hands roamed over Spencer’s chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath her fingertips. Spencer’s hands slid over her ass, his touch gentle yet insistent.

As their lips met again in a fervent kiss, Spencer pulled her, tugging her to the couch. He pushed her down gently, their kisses never breaking. Y/N’s hands explored his back, her nails lightly grazing his skin, eliciting a soft groan from him.

Spencer’s mouth found its way to her throat, and he gently bit down, making Y/N moan. Her breath quickened, and she arched into his touch, wanting more. Spencer’s other hand slid up her thigh, his touch both teasing and electrifying.

“Please, Spence,” Y/N gasped, her body aching for his touch.

Spencer responded by brushing his fingers along the seam of her tights, his touch sending waves of pleasure through her. Y/N’s fingers dug into his shoulders, her breaths coming in short, ragged gasps.

“Wait, wait, Spencer,” Y/N panted as she pushed him back slightly, her breath ragged.

Spencer’s eyes widened, panic flashing across his features. “Are you…are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, baby,” Y/N quickly reassured him, cupping his face in her hands. “I just want to make sure you’re really ready for this.”

Relief washed over Spencer’s face, but he still looked uncertain. “I’m really ready, Y/N, but…I need you to show me what to do.”

Y/N smiled gently, her fingers tracing his jawline. “We’ll take it slow, okay? We’ll go at your pace.”

Spencer nodded, his eyes locked onto hers. “Okay,” he whispered, his voice trembling slightly.

Y/N guided his hands to the waistband of her tights, helping him pull them off. Spencer left light sucking kisses down Y/N’s exposed thighs as he pulled her tights off. Y/N squirmed where she lied on the couch, so overwhelmed by having Spencer’s beautiful mouth on her.

Spencer looked up at Y/N with begging eyes, not knowing where to go next. She took his hand, showing him how to touch her over her panties, where to rub her clit and how much pressure to apply. She whispered encouragement, her own excitement building as Spencer gained confidence. His touch grew surer, more deliberate, each movement guided by her soft instructions and their mutual desire.

“Like this?” Spencer asked, his voice low and filled with awe as he rubbed her clit with intense focus.

“Yes, exactly like that,” Y/N moaned softly, her body responding to his touch.

Spencer’s fingers moved to the waistband of her panties, pulling them off as well. His lips followed her whispered directions of sucking on the skin behind her ear. Y/N’s clit throbbed with the lack of touch, her body thrumming and arching against his. Spencer’s eyes darkened with passion, his love for her driving him to learn quickly.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his concern evident even in his desire. Spencer’s eyes glimmered in excitement. “Can I touch you again?”

“God, yes please, Spence,” Y/N responded, her voice full of anticipation and desperation.

“Oh, oh my god, you’re so wet. Is this just from me?” Spencer’s tone was a blend of amazement and disbelief, his fingers trembling slightly.

“Yes, all from you, for you,” Y/N confirmed, her own breath catching at the intensity of his touch. “Only you.”

Spencer’s hands moved with newfound confidence, fingers finding Y/N’s clit again, this time without the barrier of her panties. Y/N cries out at the feeling of his rough fingers rubbing her sensitive bud with the dexterity of someone who has done this a million times.

Y/N sits up slightly, alarming Spencer, but before he can pull away or ask if she’s okay, she whips her dress over her head. Baring her chest to Spencer, she looks at him with a mixture of vulnerability and boldness. Spencer's eyes widen, his cock hardening in desire.

Spencer's breath hitched as he took in the sight of her. She was beautiful, and the intimacy of the moment left him awestruck. His hands moved with a newfound confidence, tracing the curves of her body with reverence. The warmth of her skin against his palms sent shivers down his spine.

"Y/N," he breathes out, his voice thick with emotion. "You’re… even more beautiful than I remember."

She smiles, her confidence bolstered by his reaction. "I want you to feel comfortable with me, Spence. No more holding back."

Spencer's hands gently glide over her breast, his touch reverent and filled with awe. "I’ve never seen anything so perfect."

Y/N's heart swells with love and desire. "We’re perfect together, Spencer."

With a deep feeling of love and comfort, Spencer removes his shirt as well. He may still be a virgin, but Y/N has never made him feel pressured or like something was wrong with him. He pulls back completely, stands to remove both his pants and his briefs, feeling vulnerable yet confident in their connection. Now matching Y/N, he takes a deep breath, his eyes filled with desire.

As he stands there bare, Spencer feels a whirlwind of emotions. His heart races with anticipation, his nerves tingling with excitement and apprehension. The room feels charged with electricity, each moment stretching into infinity. He looks at Y/N, seeing her beauty and the depth of her love reflected in her eyes, and he feels a surge of gratitude and affection.

"Let's move to the bedroom," he suggests, his voice gentle yet demanding.

Spencer gently guided Y/N to her bedroom, the dim light casting soft shadows across the room. The bed, covered in a quilt Y/N had made herself, felt inviting and warm. The scent of lavender lingered in the air, mingling with the faint aroma of their favorite Thai dishes from dinner. As they stood by the bed, the sounds of their breathing filled the room, heavy with anticipation and desire.

Spencer's heart pounded in his chest, a mix of nervousness and excitement coursing through him. This was his first time, and the weight of the moment was not lost on him. His mind raced with thoughts, but the overwhelming sense of connection with Y/N anchored him, guiding his actions with love and sincerity.

Y/N's eyes locked with his, a reassuring smile playing on her lips. She reached up, brushing her fingers through his hair, her touch calming his nerves. "Spence," she whispered, her voice soft and filled with affection, "it's just us. There's no rush. Let's just be together."

Spencer nodded, his eyes reflecting the depth of his emotions. "I want this to be perfect for you," he confessed, his voice trembling slightly.

Y/N's smile widened, her heart swelling with love for him. "It already is, I love you so much."

"I love you too, Y/N," he replies, his voice thick with emotion. "I've never felt this way before. You've shown me what it means to truly be loved."

“Oh, Spence,” Y/N’s lip trembled, her eyes filled with a hint of tears. The depth of emotion between them was palpable, a beautiful blend of tenderness and desire.

Finally, Spencer brought his body back to Y/N’s, his eyes locked onto hers as he entered his fingers inside her with a mix of anticipation and tenderness. Y/N's eyes fluttered closed, a soft gasp escaping her lips as she felt Spencer's movement. 

She could sense his nervousness, his eagerness to make this moment perfect for both of them. "You're doing so well, Spence," she whispered, her voice filled with love and reassurance. “Fuck your fingers feel so good, so long,” she whines.

Spencer's heart swelled at her words, a rush of blood flooding his cock. He knew he wouldn’t last long once he was inside Y/N, but he felt himself care less and less as she proved her devotion and care for him.

“I’m ready, baby, I’m so ready, I need to feel you,” Y/N murmured, her voice thick with desire.

“Okay, okay, shit, me too,” Spencer replied, his heart pounding in his chest. He could hardly believe this was happening. Every nerve in his body was alive with sensation, and his mind was a whirlwind of emotions—anticipation, fear, love. As he moved closer to Y/N, he felt a surge of gratitude for her patience and understanding. This moment was more than physical; it was a profound expression of their bond, a step towards healing and rebuilding trust.

As Spencer slowly entered his cock inside of Y/N, he knew he was done for. No one and nothing would ever compare.

They moved together so fluidly, like lovers who would find each other in every lifetime. Her gentle encouragement and the way she responded to his touch filled him with a sense of confidence and belonging. He knew he was exactly where he was meant to be, with the person who understood and cherished him completely.

Their movements became more synchronized, their breaths mingling in the space between them. Spencer's nerves began to melt away, replaced by a growing sense of connection and intimacy. Each touch, each whispered word, was a reassurance, a reminder of the deep bond they shared.

Y/N's soft moans and the way she held him close only fueled Spencer's determination to make this moment special. He marveled at the way their bodies fit together, how her warmth and softness seemed to envelop him, grounding him in the reality of their love.

Finally, as they reached their peak together, Spencer held Y/N tightly, their bodies trembling in unison. The world outside ceased to exist, leaving only the two of them, wrapped in the afterglow of their shared experience.

Y/N looked up at Spencer, her eyes shining with tears of happiness. “I love you so much,” she whispered, her voice filled with emotion.

Spencer gently brushed a strand of hair from her face, his heart swelling with adoration. “I love you too,” he replied, his voice tender. “This was perfect.”

They lay together, their bodies entwined, basking in the warmth and love that surrounded them. In that moment, they knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, they would face them together, stronger and more connected than ever before.

The world outside faded away, leaving just the two of them in this cocoon of intimacy. Spencer's senses were heightened, every touch and sensation amplified by the intensity of their connection. He felt a profound sense of gratitude and love, knowing that Y/N was sharing this moment with him, making him feel whole and complete.

a/n: N is for New Years by @spencereidluver is what inspired me to write more smut for this story! their work is amazing, check it out!!

[imagining-in-the-margins]

CM Family Challenge

The following are prompts including the theme of Family! Reader, Original Character, Character/Character ships, Gen/Platonic fics are allowed!

This event is over (Masterlist of Fics here), but you are welcome to use any of these prompts. If you would like to be added to the existing Masterlist of entries, please check out the Rules below!

Generic Prompts

Secret family/spouse/child.

Character A meets B’s family.

Characters A and B throw a baby shower.

AU where two team members are siblings.

The Team throws a MHM (missed holiday meal).

Characters A and B decide to adopt a pet together.

Character A takes an interest in B’s family tradition.

Sometimes a family includes more than two parents.

Characters A and B decide to foster a child/teenager.

Character A comes to terms with B not being the marrying type.

Character A confesses to B that they don’t want children. B is relieved.

Character A reassures B that it’s okay to let go of abusive biological relatives.

Take your family to work day at the BAU brings together a rather eclectic group of individuals (of varying ages, backgrounds, and species).

Character A is surprised by how different B seems now that they left the BAU and have a functioning family life.

Character A reassures B about their fears of being a bad parent following a troubled childhood.

Character A is worried that their child will be dealbreaker for dating. They are surprised when B’s date invitation includes their child.

Character dates a family member of one of their teammates. Awkwardness ensues.

Character(s) help(s) Child through something (break up, bad grades, loss of a friend).

Character A accidentally refers to B as "Mom/Dad"

Whatever else you can think of!

NSFW & Character-Specific Prompts below.

Character-Specific Prompts

Spencer saying goodbye to his mother gets harder every time.

Penelope & Emily negotiate Sergio's custody agreement.

JJ & Kate bond over losing a sister.

Penelope, Derek, Hotch, and/or Tara bond over the loss of a parent.

Rossi, Tara, and/or Hotch reflect on the high rate of divorce in the BAU.

Hotch & Jessica co-parent Jack.

Derek, Hotch, Tara, and/or Penelope's sibling is very suspicious about Character’s partner.

Kate helps Character through the adoption process.

Alex & Spencer bond over the loss of a child/mother, and fill in those blanks for each other.

Rossi & JJ open up about the loss of her pregnancy and the death of his son.

NSFW Prompts

Pregnancy kink

Mommy/Daddy kink

Parents finally get some much needed alone time.

Characters A and B decide to make a baby (for real).

Rules

The fic can be a Reader insert, an Original Character, a character/character ship, a platonic ship, or a Gen fic. It can feature any Criminal Minds character.

Tag me in the fic, or send it to me in a Direct Message. It can be already written, or you can write it just for the challenge - I’m collecting both! You can also tag it “#mentioningmargins” which is a tag I track.

The fic can be any genre, but ONLY send me smut if your bio states you are 18+. I DO NOT WANT smut written by minors. Ever. At all. I will check. Platonic ships and pure, fluffy fics are 100% allowed.

Please include Content Warnings and a one-sentence Summary of the fic in your post.

Have fun!

[l4ndojpg]

slytherinlesbians' whumptober masterlist (complete!) *ੈ✩‧₊˚

day one: "how many fingers am i holding up?" | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), derek morgan, emily prentiss, david rossi | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: case fic, concussion, team as a family | word count: 1.1k

day two: "they don't care about you." | fandom: succession | characters: roman roy (centric), shiv roy, kendall roy | ship: none | trigger warnings: mentions of child abuse, neglect, drug use | content: childhood fic, sibling relationships | word count: 1k

day three: solitary confinement | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid | ship: none | trigger warnings: self harm | content: prison spencer | word count: 438

day four: shock | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, alex blake | ship: none | trigger warnings: gunshot, going into shock, anxiety | content: alex & spencer friendship, mom!blake | word count: 535

day five: "it's broken." | fandom: outerbanks | characters: jj maybank, john b routledge | ship: none | trigger warnings: physically abusive parent | content: injuries, jj and john b friendship | word count: 1k

day six: recording/made to watch/"it should've been me." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: derek morgan, emily prentiss, aaron hotchner, jason gideon, penelope garcia, jennifer jaraeu | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: 2x15 revelations, the tobias hankel case, kidnapped spencer reid, team as a family | word count: 507

day seven: "can you hear me?" | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), emily prentiss, jennifer jareau, derek morgan, penelope garica | ship: past spencer reid/maeve donovan | trigger warnings: mentions of drugs/drug use, depression | content: post 8x12 'zugzwang,' spencer's isolation, team as a family | word count: 1k

day eight: outnumbered | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez, emily prentiss | ship: luke alvez/spencer reid | trigger warnings: anxiety attack | content: spencer is anxious, luke is there for him, post prison spencer, austistic spencer | word count: 1k

day nine: mistaken identity | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, derek morgan, david rossi | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: 4x07 memoriam, spencer is sad, team as a family | word count: 512

day ten: "you said you'd never leave." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), diana reid, derek morgan, aaron hotchner, jennifer jaraeu, penelope garcia, emily prentiss | ship: past spencer reid/elle greenaway | trigger warnings: parent abandonment, depression, grief | content: spencer reflects on the people who have left him over the course of his life and grieves | word count: 1.3k

day eleven: "all the lights going dark and my hope's destroyed." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: spencer slowly loses hope in prison | word count: 365

day twelve: insomnia | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, david rossi | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: spencer & rossi friendship, dad!rossi, spencer is tired & rossi looks after him | word count: 897

day thirteen: "i don't feel so good." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), aaron hotchner, david rossi, jennifer jaraeu, emily prentiss, derek morgan | ship: none | trigger warnings: gunshot wound recovery, vomiting | content: spencer recovers from an injury sustained on a case, team as a family, dad!hotch | word count: 724

day fourteen: (alt prompt) shaking | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, aaron hotchner, jennifer jaraeu, emily prentiss | ship: none | trigger warnings: gunshot, autistic meltdown | content: spencer has a meltdown after a case, autistic spencer, team as a family, hotch & spencer friendship, dad!hotch | word count: 642

day fifteen: "i'm fine." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, elle greenaway | ship: spencer reid/elle greenaway | trigger warnings: drinking | content: spencer is anxious, elle doesn't know how to help, autistic spencer | word count: 824

day sixteen: "don't go where i can't follow." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, maeve donovan | ship: past spencer reid/maeve donovan | trigger warnings: death of a partner | content: spencer dreams about maeve | word count: 536

day seventeen: collar/touch aversion/"leave me alone." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, aaron hotchner | ship: none | trigger warnings: mention of blood | content: post 2x11 'sex, birth, death,' spencer & hotch friendship, dad!hotch, autistic spencer reid | word count: 896

day eighteen: blindfold | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez | ship: spencer reid/luke alvez | trigger warnings: panic attack | content: spencer and luke are kidnapped, post prison spencer, autistic spencer | word count: 835

day nineteen: floral bouquet | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, jennifer jaraeu | ship: past spencer reid/maeve donovan | trigger warnings: vomiting | content: set at the beginning of 8x16, 'carbon copy,' spencer & jj friendship | word count: 372

day twenty: blanket/found family | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, aaron hotchner | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: post 2x15 'revelations,' the tobias hankel case, dad!hotch, autistic spencer, non-verbal spencer, hotch & spencer friendship, team as a family | word count: 589

day twenty one: restraints | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez | ship: spencer reid/luke alvez | trigger warnings: nightmares, mentions of blood, panic attack | content: post prison, spencer has a nightmare | word count: 466

day twenty two: glass shard | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, emily prentiss, luke alvez | ship: could be read as spencer reid/luke alvez | trigger warnings: blood, vomiting | content: spencer is injured on a case | word count: 406

day twenty three: stalking | fandom: criminal minds | characters: jennifer jareau (centric), emily prentiss | ship: mentioned jennifer jareau/will lamontagne | trigger warnings: mentions of sexual assault, rape, abuse and stalking | content: a case reminds jj of a past relationship, emily & jj friendship | word count: 1.2k

day twenty four: goodbye note | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, aaron hotchner | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: dad!hotch, spencer & hotch friendship, gideon left and spencer isn't dealing well, anxiety, autistic spencer | word count: 951

day twenty five: storm/buried alive | fandom: succession | characters: roman roy, logan roy | ship: none | trigger warnings: detailed discussion of unspecified eating disorder | content: roman struggles with an eating disorder, logan is a terrible parent | word count: 824

day twenty six: working to exhaustion/"you look awful." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), jennifer jareau, david rossi, aaron hotchner | ship: none | trigger warnings: ableism | content: on a case, local officers treat the team badly, dad!hotch, team as a family | word count: 1.7k

day twenty seven: scars | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez, penelope garcia | ship: pre spencer reid/luke alvez, but can be read as platonic | trigger warnings: past self harm, past drug addiction | content: case fic, post prison spencer, autistic spencer, spencer is uncomfortable in his body, luke helps | word count: 1.6k

day twenty eight: bloody knife | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, derek morgan, david rossi | ship: none | trigger warnings: stabbing | content: case fic, spencer is stabbed, team as a family | word count: 371

day twenty nine: "what happened to me?" | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), derek morgan, jennifer jareau, aaron hotchner | ship: none | trigger warnings: past addiction, gunshot wound | content: spencer is shot on a case, pain relief used in the hospital brings up bad feelings, team as a family, dad!hotch | word count: 888

day thirty: borrowed clothing | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez | ship: spencer reid/luke alvez | trigger warnings: implied sexual assault | content: luke finds spencer after he's been kidnapped on a case | word count: 718

day thirty one: emptiness | fandom: succession | characters: roman roy, gerri kellman | ship: roman roy/gerri kellman | trigger warnings: detailed description of unspecified eating disorder, vomiting | content: roman struggles, gerri tries to help | word count: 913

[radiant-reid]

Omg after anon mentioned Spencer crying at his wedding,,, now all I can think about is what his wedding would be like. I’m thinking super small, maybe outdoor in the springtime with a woodland feel. Do you have any scenarios/ideas on what it would be like?

I did do a couple of other posts on this but I have no idea where they are. Also prefacing this by saying that I think Spencer would let his fiancé have control of the wedding plans, these are my ideas of what he would do (as if he was having a wedding by himself) so if they’re totally not what you like, just know that he’d let you do whatever you wanted

I think relatively small, he doesn’t have a lot of family or childhood friends to invite. His guest list is mostly made up of the BAU and a couple of professors at colleges he’s gotten close to during his talks. I think he’d opt to have kids there and have Michael be his ring bearer

If we’re talking about BAU members, I like to think he got married in season 8 because it means he knows Alex and she could be there with his mom. Of course Emily would fly in from wherever she is. Rossi is the officiant since he’s a word man, Hotch and Morgan best men ?? because they’re all so close and Hotch is like his dad and could make the most beautiful speech about love but Morgan would have his bachelor party the best one ever

He wouldn’t want to get married in the peak of summer or winter because of the temperature issues and he’d maybe steer away from the dates in spring when it’s known to rain

I could see it being outdoors, like a wedding archway in the woods with cute seats around. Or a winery/vineyard with a gorgeous view of rolling green hills. Maybe an indoor venue because they have some very pretty greenhouses or he’d love to get married in a library/museum. I don’t see his preference being getting married on a beach or in a church

[themetaphorgirl]

Prompt- daob Spence hanging out with Alex and James and the rest of the bau at rossi's place. Maybe they were invites for dinner or something like that?

how did you know that this was actually something that's been sitting in my brain for like two years??

I'm very rusty but this makes me so emo and I love baby Spencer Blake and his eight million aunts and uncles.

also it's interesting to see how many Patron Saint characterizations bled into this. I didn't even notice it until I went back and reread it this morning (I wrote this last night on my phone, mostly at work). also someone please ask me about my theories about Alex's aesthetic pipeline because she's my favorite and I love her.

-------

Spencer wasn’t sure what a Paw Patrol was and this point he didn’t want to ask, but he did know that Henry certainly liked it. The younger boy had been watching episodes on loop since he’d arrived, climbing over the furniture with his various toys and shrieking along with the action on TV. Jack was a little quieter but not by much; he was playing his Nintendo sprawled out on the floor and was clearly losing his game, judging by how often he yelped and scoffed and talked to himself as the handheld console beeped and chirped. 

Spencer curled up small in the corner of the couch with his book balanced on his knees. When they’d first arrived at Grandpa Dave’s house, it had seemed like a good idea to go play with Henry and Jack in the den that had become the default playroom every time the grownups met for dinner. Now it was too chaotic and he couldn’t focus, but the idea of going to James and Alex stressed him out. What if he interrupted them? 

“Hey, boys, who’s hungry?” Uncle Derek said as he stuck his head in the room. 

“Me!” Henry yelled happily, throwing his plastic dog as he vaulted off the coffee table. Derek caught him easily. 

“Uncle Derek, I can’t beat this level,” Jack complained. “Can you beat it for me?”

“I could try, but you’d be better off asking Aunt Penny when she gets here,” Derek said as he draped Henry over his shoulder, making him shriek with laughter. “Come on, kid. Spencer, you hungry?”

Spencer nodded, setting his book down carefully as he followed behind them. Derek patted him lightly on the back as Jack and Henry talked over each other. 

The kitchen in Grandpa Dave’s house was massive and filled with the clatter of attempted cooking and multiple conversations. Dave was busy at the stove and Aunt JJ was setting out plates, and Aunt Emily was attempting to help her as she balanced a glass of wine in one hand. The sliding glass doors were open, late summer heat twining into the air conditioning inside, and he could hear James and Uncle Hotch talking as they worked at the grill. 

“I got the kids!” Derek reported cheerfully. He swung Henry around, making him squeal. “Where should I put them?”

Jack draped himself over the arm of a chair. “Where’s my dad?” he asked. 

“Outside with Uncle James,” JJ said as she shifted Henry from Derek’s hip to hers. “Dinner will be ready in just a second.”

Emily took a sip of her wine as she dropped a fork onto the table. “When’s Garcia getting here?” she asked. 

The doorbell chimed loudly. “That’s her, I’ll get it,” Derek said as he loped away. 

Spencer bit his lip and looked around. Emily smiled at him. “Looking for Mom?” she said. “She’ll be right back, she went outside for a second. Don’t worry.”

Right on cue Alex walked in from the back deck, her long summer dress swishing. “If the two of them will stop bickering over grilling techniques, we can eat,” she said. Spencer sidled up to her and tangled his fingers in her skirt; she immediately drew him closer to her side and bent to kiss the top of his head. “Hi, sweetheart. Having fun?”

He didn’t answer her but he leaned against her, some of the tension fading out of him as she rubbed his back. Things always seemed a little less intense when she was there. 

Dave frowned as he pulled condiments out of the fridge and set them on the counters. “Listen, as long as nothing is well done, I’m good with whatever they’ve grilled,” he said. 

James and Uncle Hotch walked inside from the deck, both of them balancing multiple plates. “That’s something we can agree on at least,” James laughed. 

Hotch set down his plates on the counter. “Barbecue sauces, not so much. Jack, buddy, stop hanging off the chair like that.”

“Hi! I’m here! I hope I haven’t missed anything!” Penelope said as she bustled into the room, Derek right behind her. “Sorry, sorry, rehearsal ran a little late.”

Dave kissed her on the cheek. “What show is it this time?” he asked. 

“Noises Off. I’m having a wonderful time, but gosh, am I going to be bruised,” she said.

“We’ll have to come see it,” Emily said, nearly spilling her wine as she hugged Penelope with one arm. “Family field trip.”

“Is it going to be as long as the musical?” Spencer asked. 

“Hopefully not,” Alex said, barely hiding a smile. 

“It wasn’t that long,” Penelope said. She looked Alex up and down. “Oh my god, Alex, you’re adorable. You look like a preppy mom blogger.”

Alex glanced down self consciously. “Is that a good thing?” she said. 

“Oh, excellent, you look like you’re spending a weekend at your summer home on Nantucket,” Penelope said. “Classy mom vibes. Beautiful.”

James kissed Alex on the cheek as he walked past her. “She’s always a beauty,” he said. 

Henry came running around the corner. “Aunt Penny!” he shrieked. 

“Oh! My godbabies!” Penelope exclaimed. Henry ran to her first, flinging his arms around her neck. “You get bigger every time I see you! Stop! Stay little!”

Henry laughed as she hugged him and smooched him loudly on the cheek. “Aunt Penny, my tooth is loose!” Jack said, leaning around Henry as he vied for her attention. He opened his mouth wide and wiggled the offending tooth with his tongue. “See? See?”

“Oh, I do see, that’s disgusting,” Penelope laughed as she hugged him too. 

“That’s his second tooth this week, he’s going to put the tooth fairy in bankruptcy at this rate,” Hotch said dryly. 

Penelope smiled at Spencer. “Hi, sweetie,” she said. “Would you like a hug too?”

He nodded, slipping away from Alex, and Penelope hugged him tight. “Oh, you’re so precious. Are you getting taller? You seem taller.”

“I don’t think so,” Spencer said. He wrinkled his nose. “Yesterday one of the parents at therapy group asked me when I was turning nine. I had to explain that I’m already nine.”

Alex laughed. “You’ll catch up, I’m sure of it,” she said, smoothing his hair. 

“Yeah, keep eating your vegetables and you’ll be as tall and strong as me,” Derek said, playfully flexing. 

Spencer rolled his eyes. “Height is mostly determined by genetics, Uncle Derek,” he said. “Eating vegetables wouldn’t cause that much growth. Minimal at best.”

“My mom always said I would have been taller if I’d just eaten vegetables,” JJ said. 

“Adults just say stuff like that so children eat vegetables,” Spencer said. He looked up at James. “Right, Dad?”

“Yeah, he’s right,” James said, beaming down at him. 

“Ha! I knew it!” Jack said, grinning cheekily at his dad. 

Hotch raised an eyebrow. “You’re still eating your vegetables,” he said. “They’re still good for you even if it doesn’t make you taller. Right?”

“Oh, yeah, right,” James said. He pointed a scolding finger playfully at Jack. “Listen to your father, young man.”

“All right, all right, all right, stop squabbling and let’s eat,” Dave said as he set down the last plate of food on the table. “Everybody sit, before it gets cold.”

Spencer hung back as everyone starting taking their seats, but James took him by the hand, walked him up to the table, and guided him to a chair next to Alex. “What do you want to drink, kiddo?” James asked as he sat down at his other side. “Water or something else?”

Spencer shifted around to sit cross legged. “Something else,” he said. 

“Lemonade or sweet tea?”

“Lemonade,” he said, and James picked up the pitcher and poured it into his glass. 

Dinners at Grandpa Dave’s house were always chaotic as everyone carried on multiple conversations and passed around food. It made him feel better to sit between James and Alex. He knew his parents would take care of him, they would make sure he got enough to eat and they would understand if everything started to feel like too much. 

Although they weren’t his parents. He had to keep reminding himself of that. But he almost didn’t mind when he forgot. 

His plate ended up overly full, but with just enough space to keep his food from touching. He listened to the grownups talk as he ate, sometimes chiming in. They never minded when he joined in their conversations. 

Most of his dinner was delicious, but somehow a pile of grilled mushrooms had ended up in his plate. Spencer poked at it with his fork. He hated mushrooms, they were slick and spongy and left a weird taste in the back of his mouth. But he couldn’t just not eat them, he might make someone upset. He stabbed one with his fork and gritted his teeth. 

Alex touched his back lightly. “You don’t have to eat those if you don’t want to,” she whispered. He bit his lip. “Do you want to eat it? No one will be upset if you don’t.” He paused, then shook his head. 

Alex caught James’s eye and nodded towards Spencer’s plate. Without dating a word he scooped the offending mushrooms away. “Are you still hungry, Spencer?” he asked as he spooned the mushrooms onto his own plate. “You can have more if you want. Or you can have more later if you’re not hungry now.”

Spencer took a deep breath. Sometimes he had to remind himself that he was going to be able to eat again, that things weren’t how they used to be and he wouldn’t have to go hungry anymore. His therapist talked about it a lot, and so did James and Alex. But it was easier to talk about it than actually remember. 

“I think I’m a little bit hungry,” he says in a small voice. 

James smiled at him and scooped out a little more grilled corn and roasted potatoes for him. Spencer relaxed. 

By the time dinner had wound down he was comfortably full and a little sleepy. “Who wants dessert?” Dave asked. 

“Oh, I couldn’t eat anything else if you paid me,” Penelope sighed. 

“I don’t know, I think there’s pie. I would live off dessert if I could,,” JJ said. “I’m going to put a movie on for Henry. Jack, Spence, do you want to come?”

Jack immediately slid down from his chair, a half eaten hot dog still in his hand. “Yeah!” he said. 

“Finish that first and then you can go play,” Hotch said, half laughing. 

Spencer climbed down. He didn’t really want to go, he sort of wanted to just stay with his parents, but if the other boys were leaving he was probably expected to go too. Alex squeezed his arm lightly as he walked away. 

He went back to his corner of the couch and his book, and Aunt JJ set up a Disney movie for them. Towards the end of the movie Aunt Emily checked on them and brought them brownies and apple pie and vanilla ice cream, and kept them company for a while before switching to another and going back to the grownups. 

Spencer was barely interested in the first movie and even less in the second, and he’d long since finished the books he’d brought with him. Jack was still playing his Switch, much more subdued than earlier, and Henry had fallen asleep on the floor with a toy in one hand and a brownie in the other. 

He bit down on the pad of his thumb. Lately he’d been trying even harder to break his thumbsucking habit, but it was tempting, especially when he could feel exhaustion creeping into him. The novelty of going to Grandpa Dave’s had worn off, and he wanted his normal bedtime routine and to sleep in his own bed. He felt like he was wound too tight, tense enough to give himself a headache. 

Before he could talk himself out it of he slid down from the couch and slipped out of the room. The kitchen was empty, but the sliding glass doors to the backyard were open. It was dark outside, but the lawn was lit with string lights and he could hear the adults talking. 

The grownups were sitting outside on a scattered collection of deck chairs and loungers; most of them were sipping drinks and Grandpa Dave had lit one of his cigars. Spencer crept closer, his bare toes curling at the feel of damp fresh cut grass under him. 

His parents were sitting together, Alex with a glass of wine in her hand and James leaning back with his arm around her shoulders. Spencer paused. The grownups were deep in conversation and he didn’t want to interrupt. He inched closer, hoping they would notice him.

“No, I remember reading about that,” Alex was saying, but as she talked she opened her arm to him and he crawled into her lap. “There was a journal published six months ago, I think?” Spencer leaned his head against her shoulder as she cuddled him close. “It brought up some good points about the legitimacy of the previous research.”

He exhaled slowly. Already he felt better, the pressure in his head beginning to lift. Alex patted his hip absently with her free hand as she talked, and James shifted his legs over his lap to make him more comfortable. 

The adults’ conversation began to blur in his ears as he snuggled closer to Alex and twined his fingers in the shoulder strap of her dress. He could feel the steady thump of her heartbeat and the softness of her dress, and she smelled like her violet and vanilla perfume and the strawberry scent of her half drunk glass of moscato. He nuzzled his cheek against her shoulder and she kissed the top of his head. 

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but the next thing he knew he was being carried, but not by Alex. He whined through his teeth. “It’s okay, baby, go back to sleep,” James said softly. “It’s okay. Daddy’s got you.”

He blinked sleepily as James lifted him into the car and buckled him in, but he must’ve fallen asleep again, because the next time he opened his eyes he was in his own room. The nightlight was switched on, casting soft gentle shadows on the wall, and Alex was changing him out of his shorts and his tee shirt.

He scrunched up his face. “‘m home?” he mumbled. 

“Yes, my darling, we’re home,” Alex said. “Time for bed.”

He was too sleepy to try to sit up and get his pajamas on himself, so he didn’t fight as Alex dressed him and got him settled against the pillows. “Mama?” he said. 

Alex smiled as she tucked him in. “What dearest?”

He rubbed his eyes. “Love you.”

Alex kissed his cheek, then his forehead. “I love you too,” she said. “Get some sleep. You’re home and you’re safe.”

She sat down on the edge of his bed, and it didn’t take him very long to fall back asleep as Alex stroked his hair away from his face.

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

Dia de Los Muertos

Summary: Luke and Penelope host a Day of the Dead party

Word count: 1065

WARNINGS: Mentions of death, miscarriage, and abortion

Can also be read here on Ao3

Luke and Penelope were going through her things, sorting out what she wanted to keep and what she wanted to get rid of as they prepared her to move into his place. 

Luke held up a picture that he hadn't really seen before. He recognized Penelope, of course, and JJ, Reid, Hotch, Rossi, and Morgan, but there was also a woman in the picture he had never seen before. She must have left the team before he joined. "What's this picture?" 

"Oh, that was our old team from… well over seven years ago now." She pointed to the woman Luke didn't recognize. "That's Alex Blake. She joined the team after Emily left for London, but she was only here for two years."

"And let me guess," Luke teased. "You didn't give her a hard time for replacing your best friend."

"I did, actually," she told him. "But I warmed up to her a lot faster."

Luke gasped in mock hurt. "What? How? I should have had her teach me her ways."

"It's because I wasn't crushing on her. Obviously."

He laughed. "Right, of course. What are all the decorations for in the background?" 

"Oh, I was hosting a Day of the Dead party!"

Luke stared at his girlfriend in shock. "You celebrate Dia de Los Muertos?"

She rolled her eyes. "All these years and you still don't know these things about me."

"Well you haven't mentioned it! Unless you've been having parties every year and not inviting me because you were hell bent on pretending you weren't in love with me."

"I wasn't in love with you!" 

He leaned closer to her, a teasing smirk playing across his face. "Mhmm?"

She laughed and shoved him away. "Shut up! Well, you're right, I haven't hosted a party since that one, but it was important to my stepdad so I grew up with it, and I've tried to do something every year."

"You know, I haven't actually celebrated in years," he confessed. "It's been too hard to get home to do it with my family. Maybe you and I could host a party together this year? Our first official event as a couple?"

"I'd love that," she told him, smiling softly. 

He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "As much as you love me?"

"You are desperate to get me to say I love you today, aren't you? You act like I don't tell you every day."

"Well maybe I want to hear it every hour."

She rolled her eyes but gave him a kiss anyway. "Fine. Luke Alvez, I love you. And we are totally throwing a Day of the Dead party together."

***

They went all out for that party, which wasn't all that surprising. They had set up a massive ofrenda, the altar, in the middle of the room and they had all sorts of food and drink. The team arrived and they mingled for a bit. 

"What was all that fuss you kicked up a whole ago about not wanting to have a housewarming party?" JJ teased.

"This isn't a housewarming party," Luke pointed out. "It's a Dia de Los Muertos party."

"Also he can't say no to me," Penelope added.

Luke looked down at her with a grin on his face. He had had his arm wrapped around her shoulders the whole night while hers stayed around his waist. So sue them for staying attached at the hip, they loved each other and were making up for lost time. “That would be correct, yes."

"Are you two going to stop flirting and start the night, already?" Tara asked, already slightly inebriated.

"Well, I guess we can, since everyone's here," Penelope said. She turned to Luke. "Do you want to go first or should I?" 

"You can."

Penelope gently placed the picture of her parents on the ofrenda, just like she had the first time they had done this. “This is my mom and dad. They’re the reason I do this at all, and I miss them.”

Luke rubbed her back comfortingly, then took his turn. He placed two pictures on the ofrenda. “I brought Phil and Stephen.”

Penelope leaned her head on his shoulder to comfort him. He had been with both of them when they died, or discovered their bodies. It made sense that they would be who he would think of. 

Emily stepped forward next, and placed a picture of a much younger her and a boy none of them knew. “That’s my friend Matthew. He helped me out a lot when I was a teenager. I wouldn’t be where I am today without him.”

Rossi, the only person in the room who knew what she was talking about, gave her a pat on the shoulder and placed his own photo. “Harrison Scott. He was my Marine Sergeant back in Vietnam. He was a good man, saved my life on more than one occasion. Cancer took him from us too soon.”

“Mine’s a friend from the army too,” Matt said, stepping forward and placing the picture of his old friend on the ofrenda. “Andrew Jacobs. Lost him to a land mine.”

There was a lull in the flow and JJ said, "I can go next.” She stepped forward and shakily placed a photo of an ultrasound on the ofrenda. "I don't know how many of you know, but I lost a baby when I was on assignment in Afghanistan. I was going to name her Maggie. She'd be ten now." 

Reid gave her a side hug as he stepped up to place his own picture. "Jason Gideon," was all he could say through the tears he was trying to fight back.

Tara was the last one to go. The photo she placed could have been an older her, they were so similar. “My mom,” she said. “She died when I was 18. She was always my biggest supporter. I hope she’d be proud of where I am today.”

Matt put his arm around his friend. “I’m sure she would be, Tara.”

Penelope raised her glass. “A toast to the… seventeen of us? And then some?”

The rest of the team bumped their glasses against each other, raised their glasses once for their there-in-spirit guests, and took a sip. Life was hard, but life was good. Sometimes family and friends left. And sometimes they stayed. Both were celebrated.

[aswallowssong]

Play Date

Dave thinks Spencer needs some friends his own age. The Big Kid Squad agrees. Spencer does not. or The one where Hotch and Alex take Spencer to the playground and nothing bad happens for once.

Big thanks to the wonderful, amazing, talented, @themetaphorgirl for letting me play in her sandbox! Again! This drabble is based in her Patron Saints AU (Patron Saint of Lost Causes), which is AMAZING and YOU SHOULD READ.

Read on AO3

-----

The idea was Dave’s, actually.

“Do you ever feel like our kid should hang out with kids his own age?” Was what he said, quietly, with a smirk on his lips. He had turned his eyes to Spencer, who was helping Emily with her math homework a table over. No one batted an eye over the fact that he referred to Spencer as “our kid.” They all felt exactly the same way.

There was a pensive moment in which they all turned to look at the sight. Emily had her face in her hands, but Spencer was excitedly rambling about angles and functions.

“You’re right,” Alex said, suddenly opening her laptop, “you’re completely right.”

Dave raised an eyebrow over his own laptop, pen dropping onto his notebook. “I was sort of joking.”

“No you weren’t,” James said. He glanced over at Alex’s screen. “I agree, though. What are you looking for?”

Alex’s fingers clicked away, eyes scanning and searching.

Hotch leaned over to look as well, abandoning the English essay he was writing one sentence at a time in his own fraying notebook.

“Where are the other kids?” Alex mumbled, eyes never coming off the screen.

“JJ and Derek went on a run. Pen said she had a project to work on, and you said she couldn’t bring glitter into the library.”

“She cannot and will not,” she affirmed, clicking her tongue and sitting back from the screen. “What do you think about that?”

Both James and Hotch squinted at the screen. Hotch shrugged, but James nodded.

“Yeah, I know what that is,” He said, “We used to go there as kids, but it was sort of new and weird. I’ve heard they’re more mainstream in the bigger towns now.”

“What are you looking at?” Dave said, finally giving in. He tilted the screen of his own laptop down, leaning forward towards them and gesturing for Alex to hand her laptop over.

She passed it wordlessly, watching for Dave’s reaction. She worried at her lip, glancing again at Spencer and finding herself smiling as he flailed his arms around, trying to show Emily how her triangle should look with his bony wrists and elbows.

He needed to eat more.

“An indoor playground?” Dave said, raising an eyebrow at Alex with a look she couldn’t place. “He’s already sheltered.”

“They’re popular! I take the kids I babysit over the summer to one all the time, and they love it,” she assured. “He has bad memories of kids his age, do we need to pair that with his aversion to the outdoors?”

The boys glanced between each other.

“He’s not going to want to go,” Hotch said slowly, turning over his shoulder to watch their youngest for a moment. “There'll probably be a ton of kids there. Maybe it would be bad.”

“Maybe it would be good,” James said with a shrug. He took the laptop back from Dave and looked at the screen again. His mouth twisted into a frown, and he looked over at Alex. “This one is like at least half an hour from here.”

Alex nodded, giving him a small, guilty smile. “Forty minutes, give or take.” She waited a moment before she asked, “I was thinking maybe this Saturday.”

James nodded for a second, but then stopped as his mouth turned into a frown. “I’ve got that first aid training, I can’t drive you then.”

“Oh, I know,” she said, face breaking into a wicked grin. “I was going to see if Dave would take you to the training, and maybe, if Hotch and I could take your piece of shit car?”

“Hey!” Dave and James exclaimed at the same time.

“I’ve got a life!” Dave said as James insisted, “It’s not a piece of shit!”

James’s call gained more attention, Hotch’s chuckle breaking the single moment of tense energy.

“Um, yeah it is.”

James frowned defiantly. “Listen, the shitbucket is a shitbucket, sure, but it's not a shitty car . There’s a difference!”

“Is there?” Hotch continued, clearly enjoying getting a rise out of James so easily.

“I don’t think so,” Alex added, grinning mischievously at the exasperated boy next to her.

“Neither of you even have a car at all!” He insisted. “Maybe I’ll take my shitty car to my first aid training.”

Dave rolled his eyes, shutting his laptop and picking up his notebook. “No you won’t. You’re going to let Alex and Hotch take your car so they can win some sort of parenting award, and I’m going to take you to that first aid training.”

Alex grinned at Dave as she shut her own laptop, standing to grab her bag. “You’re the best, Dave.”

“There’s a hot brunette in James’s trainings,” Hotch said offhandedly, shoving his notebook unceremoniously into his backpack.

“That’s not the reason! I’m a good friend!”

“Also, I can’t say I’ll go with you before I see what the RA schedule looks like,” Hotch continued, ignoring Dave in favor of speaking to Alex. “I'll have to make sure it’s okay with Gideon, I’m sort of supposed to be around.”

The three seniors gave Hotch a look that could have said, ‘are you fucking kidding me?’

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Dave did say, “Gideon let’s you do anything. Gideon has gotten you out of class a million times this year.”

“That’s not even a close guess.”

“Spencer,” Alex interrupted, calling over to the other table, “Em, come on. I’m starving.”

Spencer pouted up at her but grabbed his bag, throwing it over his shoulder so he could follow behind like a baby bird. Emily sighed as she all but threw her things together, scurrying after them.

Hotch hung back a bit, moving himself between James and Dave before asking, “Do you guys think this is a bad idea?”

His eyes didn’t move from the back of Spencer’s head. He was nervous, but hopeful at Alex’s plan. Spencer really did need some younger kids to play with. It couldn’t be healthy for him to only hang out with kids at least three years older than him all the time.

“No,” James said quickly, watching as Spencer bounded after Alex, three steps to her one. “He needs some other kids to play with.”

“You know, if they play with him,” Dave said. James and Hotch both punched him in the arm, one on either side, and Dave called quickly, “Ow! I was kidding! Damn!”

-----

They started discussing their weekend on Thursday, like always, and Penelope had her notepad and fuzzy pen at the ready.

“Okay, so we already know James is leaving us behind for greater things-”

“I’m going to first aid training?”

“-Which,” she continued, not letting James stop her, “means he’s out of the family plans!” She scribbled quickly in her loopy handwriting. “So what are the rest of us doing? Game day? Arts and crafts? I bet if we really tried, we could use my glitter and-”

Hotch spoke cautiously. This was the part of the plan he and Alex had discussed the least, and it was going to be the hardest. Getting Spencer to go with him and Alex would be fine, but leaving the other kids behind was not going to be an easy feat. They weren’t going to tell Spencer where they were going, not until he was in the car, so getting the other kids to back off would be a challenge.

“Actually Penelope,” he started gently, “Alex and I want to take Spencer somewhere on Saturday.”

Spencer looked up from his place in Alex’s lap, the book in his fingers falling closed in surprise. “Me?”

Alex nodded, moving her hand to brush his bangs out of his eyes. “Yes, baby. Just you.”

“But why?”

“Yeah, why does Spencer get a field trip!” Penelope accused, Derek and Emily nodding emphatically in her defense.

“I want to get out of here, too,” Derek said, “This place sucks on the weekend.” He looked over at JJ and nodded. “Right, Jayje?”

JJ simply shrugged, looking between Hotch and Alex as she spoke. “I guess. Why just Spencer?”

“Yeah!” Emily said. She tossed her phone onto the ground, missing the top of the table, but not moving to fix it. “Why just Spencer?”

“Yeah,” Spencer said, twisting in Alex’s lap to peer at Hotch through his bangs. “Why just Spencer?”

James chuckled, eliciting a grin out of their youngest. He was the easiest to crack, so the responsibility of laughing at Spencer’s jokes usually fell to him. “Nice.”

“It’s a surprise,” Alex said steadily. Her grip on the child in her lap tightened just-so, and the fact that she didn’t give any more was an indication that she wouldn’t be if pressed again.

Penelope sighed at her lack of answer, flopping dramatically onto the table. “Well then what are we going to do?”

JJ patted her shoulder. “You could come with me to the dance studio?” Penelope groaned.

“Then what am I going to do?” Derek said, and JJ smirked at him. “You can come too. You’d look great doing a développé .”

“I’m going to développé an allergy to the two of you,” he mumbled, kicking his feet up onto the table.

“Hey!” Penelope cried, popping up from her pout.

That was all it took.

“Stop it! Jesus you guys, okay,” Dave had hit his ‘arguing children’ for the night. “I’m taking James to his nerd training, and then I’ll take you guys to Target. Just stop arguing. Stop whining.”

Derek, Penelope,Emily, and JJ cheered happily, placated by the knowledge that if Dave was going to take them shopping, Dave was probably going to pay for their shopping.

Hotch chuckled quietly, watching how they bickered and teased. His eyes shifted to watch Spencer, buried back in his book as his head tucked under Alex’s chin. Spencer was so content to sit there, quiet and out of the action, that Hotch wondered for a moment if they were really making the right decision.

What if they took Spencer to the playground and some kids made fun of him? Or beat him up?

He shook his head quickly, shaking the thought from his head. It would be good. He had to believe that it would be good.

-----

Spencer tried to wiggle away from Hotch’s looming figure in the small confines of his booster seat. “Stop, Hotch, I can buckle it!”

Hotch dropped the buckle and took a step back. They did this every time they took Spencer in the shitbucket, or Dave’s car, on a rare occasion. Regardless of the fact that the now ten year old could  most certainly not buckle it, it was better to let him try and fail.

If Spencer wanted to spend a full minute fighting a seatbelt, Hotch wasn’t going to stop him.

“I almost, ah, I- damn -” Spencer mumbled as his uncoordinated fingers fumbled with the buckle. His arms were not quite long enough, and his fingers not quite trained enough to get the buckle from his seated angle. Hotch knew this. James knew this. Everyone knew this.

Spencer simply refused to accept it.

“Language,” Hotch reprimanded quietly, though he didn’t mean it. Emily and Dave had ruined him.

Spencer tried one last time before the buckle slipped out of his hand, a frustrated sigh escaping him as he tipped his chin to his chest in defeat. “Hotch, I need help.”

Alex gave a quiet chuckle from her spot in the driver’s seat, watching as Hotch took the buckle and snapped it into place in seconds. He gave the booster seat a little wiggle, almost as if he didn’t trust its ability to keep their pseudo-son safe before closing Spencer’s door and taking his seat next to Alex.

“Thank you!” Spencer chirped from his spot, and Hotch threw a grin over his shoulder.

“You're welcome."

"Where are we going?"

Alex turned to give Spencer a smile, saying playfully, "Oh, it's a surprise."

Spencer’s mouth changed from his previous grin to a low-level pout. “But I don’t like surprises.”

“This is a good surprise,” Hotch assured quickly. “Do you need me to navigate, or do you know where you’re going?”

“I’m pretty sure I- well. Maybe pull it up,” Alex answered, adjusting James’s mirror again. It seemed to want to slide just out of place. "Just in case."

Spencer seemed unsatisfied with their answer, but he didn’t pry again.

Hotch and Alex were grown ups. They said it was a good surprise. Maybe what Dave had told him was right.

Hotch fiddled with his phone as Alex turned the ignition, listening to the ungodly start of James’s engine. She checked the windows once more before pulling out of the parking lot, knowing how to get to the highway without needing Hotch's navigation.

They drove for a while, Alex and Hotch talking quietly about classes and homework as Spencer focused his efforts on reading and not looking out the window.

He'd played that game and lost too many times.

When they got off the highway and started into the bigger town Alex slowed, the breaks on James's car working just fine but giving a squeal of protest.

“Oh god, the shitbucket is going to be the end of me," Alex muttered.

"Why is Alex allowed to call it the shitbucket, but I'm not allowed to say damn?" Spencer complained, finally looking up from the book in his lap.

Hotch sighed, pinching at the bridge of his nose. "Because, Alex is seventeen and you're ten."

"Emily let's me say damn." He countered, to which Alex sighed, "She's not supposed to."

"She lets me say bitch too."

"Okay, no,” Hotch said, effectively cutting him off. “No we're not saying any of those words. Especially at the playground."

"Hotch-"

"Playground?!" Spencer squeaked, going a shade of paper white in Alex's rear view mirror.

They were entering dangerous territory. Hotch had wanted to tell Spencer where they were going before they left, but Alex had disagreed, and now they were in too deep.

"Uh," Hotch said, "well-"

"I don't want to go to a playground! Dave said you were taking me to get ice cream!" The younger boy cried, betrayal heavy in his voice.

“Oh, baby, it’s going to be fun,” Alex said gently, clicking on her blinker and changing lanes.

“You said this was a good surprise!" He countered, “How could this possibly be good?”

Hotch turned in his seat, wincing a little as the world shifted around him, body now the opposite direction to how they were moving. “It’ll be good for you to play with some kids your own age. You could probably tell us better than we know. Brain development, all that stuff.” He shifted again to face Spencer better, swallowing at the discomfort he was suddenly experiencing.

“My brain is developed and it will not be good!” Spencer shifted too, in his booster seat. “Please believe me when I say I’ve tried. This is going to be terrible.”

“It’ll be better than you think, Spence. It will. It’ll be fun,” Alex said again. “I promise.”

Hotch took a breath, waiting for Spencer to battle against them again, but the younger boy fell silent. Alex rarely made promises, and never ones she couldn’t keep.

Hotch sighed, turning back around to face the front of the car. His vision swung again and he groaned quietly, rubbing harshly at his eyes and taking exactly one deep breath as he felt the woozy car-sick headache creep across his skull.

“Are we there yet?” He mumbled quietly.

“Three minutes,” Alex said, her eyes locked back on the road.

“Three minutes until I’m forced into social interaction I don’t want or need,” Spencer mumbled quietly, tone no longer accusing or betrayed, but full of ten year old sass.

How Hotch had ever thought this might be a good plan, he had no idea, but now he was forty minutes from school with a grumpy child and a sickly feeling that would probably take an hour to subside.

“Jesus.”

-----

Alex couldn’t stop the nervous feeling that spread in her chest as she guided a very anxious Spencer through the door Hotch had pulled open ahead of them. The playground was different from the one back home, where she took her tiny charges to avoid the summer heat, but also, it was also exactly the same. Slides. Climbing structures. Mats. That weird smell that sort of reminded her of the Chuck E Cheese climbing tubes.

There were kids everywhere, all of them between the ages of eight and twelve. She, Hotch, James, and Dave had chosen a time that would put Spencer right in the middle of the age group; the perfect age to blend in and be accessible to play with anyone.

Twelve was just one year younger than Penelope, anyway, and they got along just fine.

Hotch busied himself with signing, or forging, whatever form needed to be filled out while Alex sat Spencer down on a bench that was out of the way. She dropped her voice low enough that she wouldn’t be heard by anyone nearby.

“Okay, darling, here’s the plan-” she started, but Spencer was quick to interrupt.

“I don’t want a plan. I want to go home,” he said simply.

Alex sighed and smoothed his bangs out of his eyes. “I know,” she started, “but hear me out, okay?” She waited for him to give her a hum of affirmation, showing he would listen before she continued. “You are so smart, and so mature, but your brain has to grow in other ways, too. I want you to be able to play, and imagine, and pretend. So your brain is well-rounded, my darling.”

Spencer was quiet for a moment before he mumbled, “I do imagine.”

“I know, and you play with Penelope and JJ and Derek, but that’s different. You need to play with other kids your age. Just this one time. If you hate it, we never, ever have to come back.”

She waited for him to tell her no again, that he wanted to go home. That he didn’t care what she wanted, even though she knew that wasn’t true.

Instead he said, “Promise?”

Her heart sped in anticipation. Their plan was actually going to work. “Promise. Now there are some rules. Can I give you some rules?”

He nodded quickly. Spencer hated most rules, but when they came from Alex, they were usually designed to keep him safe.

After the incident, he’d do anything to stay safe.

“Okay, first, you can’t tell anyone we’re from St. Thaddeus. Especially you. You’d be in what, fourth grade?” He nodded in affirmation. “Good, if anyone asks, say that. If anyone asks what school you go to, you make them tell you first.”

She stopped for a moment, pulling a small piece of paper out of her bag and handing it over to him. “These are the elementary schools in the area. Whatever they say, pick something else.”

He read them quickly, effortlessly committing them to memory. These were easy rules. “What else?”

“That’s it, baby,” she said, though when she saw Hotch walking up with his backpack slung over his shoulder, tired eyes and messy hair, she retracted. “Actually, if anyone asks who you’re here with, say we’re your brother and sister.”

Spencer’s eyebrows pulled together as he squinted at her. “Why?”

“Because,” Hotch said, now standing directly next to him. He reached down to ruffle at Spencer’s hair. “Most ten year olds don’t have friends that are seventeen. They have siblings that are, though.”

Hotch turned his eyes to Alex, rubbing at the back of his neck. “We’re good to go. The lady said we can go sit in the parents area while he plays. There’s wifi, for your paper.”

“Thank god,” she said, pulling her bag up over her shoulder and holding her hand out for Spencer to take. “Ready?”

He hesitated a moment before grabbing her hand and letting her help pull him to his feet. If he didn’t like it he never, ever had to come back. Alex promised.

-----

Hotch slung his backpack to the ground at the foot of one of the chairs in the ‘parent’s area.’ He and Alex had brought their homework with the hope that Spencer would actually enjoy himself, but there was no way to know if that would happen, and if it did, how long it would last. The sickly feeling that had compounded in the car was starting to ebb, but he still found himself with his head in his hands as soon as he sat down, a deep breath escaping him.

Alex’s body dropped into the chair next to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” He said, pulling himself back up to sit normally before digging in his backpack, “I’m fine.”

“Oh?”

When he glanced over at her, she was smirking, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Hotch let out a quiet laugh, shoving her shoulder with no force at all. “Don’t even try, Miller. I was turned around in the car. I’m good.”

She nodded, glancing toward the fall she’s seen Spencer retreat to once they’d set him loose inside the play area. “He doesn’t want to be here,” she said simply.

“I don’t want to be here either, but somehow, Dave is right. This… it’ll be good for him.”

“Yeah.”

Hotch sighed again, pulling out his math textbook and spiral before looking around. Alex had busied herself with pulling out her laptop, and he casually pulled a bright yellow RedBull out of his hoodie pocket. He popped the top and took a sip, not sure if it would help the woozy headache, but definitely knowing it would help get him through his math homework.

“Excuse me.” A harsh and pointed voice came over Alex and Hotch’s right side. The woman was exactly what Hotch would imagine the perfect PTA President would look like.

Both teenagers looked up at her, and Alex nodded, “Yes?”

Hotch took a second drink from his can, assuming Alex had it.

“There’s a different watching area for… young parents with toddlers,” is what the woman said. Judgmentally.

As if Alex and Hotch were the bad teen parents of a toddler.

Hotch choked immediately, coughing into the elbow of his hoodie while his lungs tried to breath something that wasn’t lukewarm RedBull. He felt Alex tense beside him, but instead of saying something helpful, she said, “Oh! Oh, no, we don’t have a toddler.”

“Alex!” He choked out between desperate coughs, “No!”

“Oh!” She said again, shaking her head slightly as if to clear the woman’s assumption away. “No, we don’t have any children. Child. No, um.”

She floundered for a second, and if Hotch could have made a comment, he would have made a joke about the Queen of Languages at a loss for words.

“Brother,” is what he ended up managing, slapping at Alex’s arm as she nodded uselessly.

“Brother?” The woman said, an eyebrow raised at the pair of them.

“Yes, brother,” Alex said, lightbulb finally flickering on, “Our brother. Spencer.”

Hotch finally took a deep breath, letting out one last cough before muttering, “Jesus,” and rubbing at his chest.

The woman glowered at them. “Language.” Hotch raised an eyebrow, but she didn’t let up, and he finally muttered, “Sorry.”

The woman took a moment before going back to her spot, face immediately buried in a magazine.

There was silence between Hotch and Alex for a moment before Alex said abruptly, “Do I look like a teen mom?”

Hotch shook his head, cleared his throat, and rolled his eyes. “No, Miller, you don’t. Do I look like a teen dad?”

“Chugging that RedBull? Definitely.”

“Oh shut up.”

-----

It was loud. Spencer watched from his spot along the wall as children ran around everywhere, yelling to one another and laughing. Alex and Hotch had abandoned him for the “parent’s area,” though he would argue that they weren’t his parents.

At least they only sort of were. Only a little bit.

He knew what they were trying to do, and he guessed that he should appreciate the sentiment. They wanted him to have a ‘normal’ experience for once. But he wasn’t normal. He’d never been normal. That’s why all those kids used to smack him around and leave him behind back in Vegas. Why would this place - which was full of germs - be any different?

For one second, he considered pretending he didn’t feel well. That was one hundred percent guaranteed to get him out of there and back to St. Thaddeus. Unfortunately, that would also guarantee him being coddled and fussed over for probably the whole weekend, which he didn’t want either.

He spent a while watching, seeing that most of the other boys were dressed in long sleeves and jeans or joggers. He was in jeans, which was normal, but his button down and cardigan were probably not going to help him fit in with the other little kids around him. They looked like they belonged there. They were probably with friends they’d known a while. Who wants to play with the kid in a cardigan who clearly doesn’t have any friends to speak of?

All he had to do was get through this playground session and he’d never, ever have to come back. Alex promised.

What compelled him to start walking along the perimeter of the wall, he wasn’t sure. He was so focused on not tripping over discarded shoes and jackets that he jumped when there was a tap on his shoulder.

“Ah!”

“Ah!” was called right back at him, a small grin on the little girl’s face, “Hi!”

She beamed at him with a smile full of missing baby teeth, pale blonde hair pulled back with a ribbon like Alex would wear. Her cheeks were flushed with excitement, slightly out of breath as she bounced on her toes. There were two children standing behind her; one a boy that looked just like she did with short hair like his, and one a shorter girl with hair that was nearly crimson, tied in two braids, and stark green eyes.

They both regarded him with a certain level of hesitance, but the excited girl in the front showed no hesitation at all.

“Are you playing with anyone? I don’t see anyone, so I don’t think you are.”

Spencer felt his cheeks heat in embarrassment, though there wasn’t any sense of teasing behind her words.

“Um, I- no. No, I don’t, well- I-”

“I’m Nell!” She chirped happily, not at all phased by his stumbling and stuttering. “My brother Finn, we’re twins. Twin and Finn even rhyme, so you can’t forget!” She continued happily, and the boy behind her nodded, not offering to speak, and looking a bit shy himself.

Spencer didn’t know any other boys that were shy or quiet. All the boys that teased him back home were loud and rambunctious. Derek, James, and Dave weren’t shy. Dave was sort of quiet, but that was due more to lack of interest than personality. If he was enjoying himself, he was as loud as the rest of them. Hotch was quiet, Spencer supposed, but that was different . Hotch was grown-up quiet. He probably wasn’t quiet when he was a child. Just Spencer.

“And this is my best friend, Lina,” Nell said, never breaking stride and gesturing to the redhead behind her. Spencer had never had a best friend. “Her name is Carolina but she goes by Lina. Finn and I are nine, and Lina is ten. What’s your name?”

Spencer stared at her for a moment before licking at his chapped lips, something Alex was trying to get him to stop. Nell didn’t seem to be teasing him. She seemed to actually want to know his name. She was smiling at him.

Was it a trick? What if it was a trick?

“I’m, um, Spencer,” he said quietly. His hands wrung in front of him, but not one of the three children in front of him seemed to notice. “I’m ten, too,” he added after a moment.

Lina smiled at that. “Really?” She asked. Her voice wasn’t as shrill as Nell’s.

“Mhm,” he hummed, nodding quickly, “Since October.”

Nell gasped loudly, a hand clutching at her chest. She reminded him of Penelope, in a way, though she was dressed a bit like JJ would. “Lina turned ten in October, too! Finn and I aren’t ten until February though. February tenth. Ten on the tenth!”

Finn grinned, nodding along with his sister before saying in a small voice, “Golden birthday.”

Spencer had no idea what a “golden birthday” was, but Nell was practically vibrating with excitement. He would have asked, but Nell was speaking again, words tumbling over themselves to leave her mouth.

“Do you want to play with us?”

The three children looked at him expectantly, and after a second felt his eyebrows pulling together. He could feel anxiety bubbling in his chest.

“Why?” He found himself asking. Why would they want to play with him? Didn’t they see how nervous he was? Or that he wasn’t dressed like them? Or that he was weird?

What if they decided he was weird and made fun of him?

“Because,” Finn said simply, stepping from behind his sister. He and Nell were taller than Spencer was, but Lina was shorter than them all. “We’re playing pirates and we need another boy.”

“And you were alone and you looked nice, so Nell said we should ask you to play,” Lina supplied, tugging gently at one of her braids with both hands. Her hands we’re looking for something to do. Just like his.

He needed to say something.

“Um, the earliest documented instances of piracy are the exploits of the Sea Peoples who threatened the ships sailing in the Aegean and Mediterranean waters in the 14th century BC,” he offered quickly before realizing that spouting facts was exactly the opposite of normal. They were going to laugh at him. They were going to call him a nerd, or a loser, or-

“You know about pirates ?!” Nell nearly yelled, astonishment on her face. She gestured desperately to Finn and Lina. “Finn and Lina don’t know anything about pirates! Just me! You have to play with us!”

The speed at which Spencer’s jaw dropped could have set a record. “You… you want me to play?”

The three exchanged a look before Finn nodded quickly, and Lina grinned. “Yeah, course! It’ll be better to play pirates with someone that knows about pirates anyway.”

“Come on, come on !” Nell cried, grabbing Spencer’s hand and pulling him behind her as she started to run towards the playground.

His eyes widened, but his feet matched her pace. He didn’t really like her touching his hand, but they wanted to play with him.

Other kids wanted to play with him.

He found himself giggling along with her as she pulled him towards the climbing structure, Finn and Lina laughing and running at their heels.

-----

Alex couldn’t focus on her paper. She’d tried, she really had, but her eyes kept coming up to scan the play area. She couldn’t see the whole thing from where she was sitting, but on her most recent scan she’d lost Spencer. He’d been pacing by the edge of the playground for a while, and she’d allowed herself to look down for just a minute.

When she looked up she was gone, and she’d been on edge ever since.

“Hey, Hotch,” she said quietly, turning to look at him.

He looked exhausted, as always, and was staring at his math book like it had personally offended Haley Brooks.

Alex smacked gently at his arm and tried again, “Hey, Hotchner.”

He looked up at her, foot shifting so it knocked over his empty RedBull can. He swiped a hand down his face before nodding. “Yeah?”

“I don’t see Spencer anymore. Do you think he’s okay?” She shifted in her chair a bit, looking around again to see if she could spot him in his purple sneakers.

“I’m sure he’s fine. Maybe he went to go sit somewhere until the session was over. He wasn’t playing last time you looked?”

Alex took a breath and shook her head, resigning herself to the fact that Dave’s idea was not a good one, and she’d now subjected her baby to an afternoon of anxiety and discomfort. “No, he was pacing. Pacing, Hotch. Oh god, why did we do this?”

“We were trying to help,” Hotch offered, “It was a good idea, but Spencer isn’t a normal kid.”

“He’s going to be mad at us.”

“I know. I’d be mad too, if I were him. We did sort of kidnap and lie to him.”

“No,” Alex said, “Dave lied to him. I never said we were going to get ice cream.”

Hotch shook his head, shutting his notebook. “I meant that we told him he was going to spend the day with us. Just us. You know, we don’t really do that unless he’s sick. It’s usually all of us all together.”

Alex sighed and rubbed at her eyes. Hotch was right. Spencer had gotten a lot of their attention right after the incident, but as time had gone on they were trying to wean him away from needing either Alex or Hotch all of the time. Not entirely, Alex’s heart couldn’t take that, but enough for her to work uninterrupted shifts, or for Hotch to spend time with Haley without feeling guilty.

Now? They’d promised their attention and thrown him to the dogs. And he was probably all alone, sitting under some slide. Maybe he was upset or crying and they were sitting and letting it happen.

Alex stood up. “Let’s go get him. This was unfair, maybe we could try it again some other time.”

Hotch nodded, bending down to grab his backpack.

When Alex turned towards the playground once again her jaw dropped. Streaking past and clumsily climbing up one of the ladders was… Spencer.

There were three other kids in tow, and she could just make out his little voice rambling and spouting off facts. Was he talking about pirates? He’d read a book about them recently. All four of them were smiling, and it almost looked like they were having some sort of make-believe sword fight.

With a loud gasp she clutched her hand to Hotch’s bicep. His head snapped up, a small squeak coming from him before he said loudly, “Fucking ouch, Alex!”

“Language!” PTA Magazine Woman all but shrieked from behind them, “Honestly!”

“Sorry!” He called over his shoulder. “Alex, what? What’s wrong?”

“Look! Look Hotch, look!”

“Look at what? I don’t-”

He stopped short as his eyes caught Spencer’s spindly frame, a wide grin on the ten year old’s face. He jumped off of the ladder and called something that sounded suspiciously like “Yar!”

“Is that… Spencer?” He said, disbelief heavy in his voice.

Alex nodded emphatically, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes as she was overwhelmed with relief.

“Is he… is he playing? With those kids?”

“Yeah,” she said, her voice catching as several tears started trailing down her cheeks. She swiped at them quickly. “Yeah, he is.”

They were both quiet then, watching as Spencer and the others, two girls and a boy, ran around and laughed. Spencer looked happier than they had seen him in a long time, and when Alex looked over at Hotch, there were tears in his eyes to match the ones quickly rolling down her face.

“Maybe,” Hotch said quietly, sniffling suspiciously and letting out a single chuckle. “Maybe this was a good idea.”

“Yeah,” she said, nodding and clearing the tears off her face. There was a soft smile where her worried frown used to be. “I think it was.”

-----

A chime sounded loudly through the playground space, causing Nell, Finn, and Lina to all stop suddenly and groan.

Spencer looked around in confusion. There was a flush on his cheeks, but not from nervousness or embarrassment. It was from excitement and exertion. “What’s that?”

“The bell,” Finn said.

“It means it’s time for us to be done so the little kids can come in and play. So the big kids don’t run them over,” Lina added.

Nell was grinning wildly, unlike the other two. “But the bell means we get to go to the ice cream shop down the street!” She gasped, loudly. She did that a lot, Spencer noticed. “Wait! Wait! Spencer you should come too!”

“Yeah!” Lina said. She had become less shy as time had gone on, but she was still far less loud and rowdy than Nell. They all were by leaps and bounds. “You should ask your folks if you can come with us.”

“My… folks?” Spencer asked, eyebrows drawing as he squinted. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Finn said, pointing to the parents’ area, “Miss Graff says that you shouldn’t say parents, because not everyone has parents that take care of them. But everyone has folks.”

Spencer felt a warmth spread through him at that, starting at the pit of his stomach and spreading through his whole body. A small smile worked its way onto his face and he nodded.

Maybe he didn’t have parents, at least not at school. Not that could take care of him. But, by Finn’s definition, he definitely had folks. Alex and Hotch fit into that category. And James. And even Dave and Emily.

“Okay,” he said, “I can ask Alex and Hotch. They’re my… brother and sister.”

Nell squealed and took off again, this time towards the parents’ area.

Spencer was right at her heels.

-----

He flew into Alex’s arms, sweaty and sticky and beaming. “Alex!”

Alex wrapped her arms around him from her seated position. “Hi, darling. You look like you had a good time.”

“I did!” He said happily, “I really, actually did. I- I made friends, I think.” His eyes were shining, and Alex had to take a breath to stop herself from crying all over again. “That’s wonderful, Spencer. Are you glad we came?”

“Yeah,” he said. He turned let go of Alex, throwing his arms around Hotch’s neck. “Hotch! We played make believe that we were pirates! No one stopped me rambling, not once!”

Hotch grinned, hugging Spencer tightly. “That’s awesome, Spence. You’ll have to tell us all about it on the drive back.”

“Oh!” Spencer said, letting go quickly. He’d almost forgotten. “Nell and Finn and Lina were going to get ice cream. They told me to ask my folks if I could go too.”

Alex and Hotch shared a confused look. “Folks?” Alex asked.

Spencer smiled widely. “Yeah. That’s what Lina and Finn said. Folks are the people that take care of you, because, well,” His hands clasped together, wringing in his grip, “not everyone has parents that take care of them. But everyone has folks.”

Alex’s eyes flooded with tears again, but she blinked them back, even if her heart felt like it was going to explode from her chest.

“Sure, Spencer,” Hotch said quietly, giving Spencer’s slight shoulder a squeeze. “Sure, we can do that. We don’t have to be back until dinner time. Right, Alex?”

She nodded quickly. “Yeah. Yeah of course we can do that.”

Spencer bounced excitedly on the balls of his feet, his fingers pressing against his mouth for a moment before he turned and looked around.

“Nell!” He called at a little girl behind them. Alex found her hand coming up to her own hair ribbon as she spotted the one in Nell’s hair, a small smile tugging at her lips.

Nell turned, a smile on her lips, and she pointed to Spencer before saying something to her mother.

Her mother who just so happened to be PTA Magazine Woman.

Oh shit.

“Come on, Alex, come on!”

Spencer dragged Alex over to where Nell and two other children were standing. Right up to PTA Magazine Woman.

“This is Alex,” he said happily to Nell and the others.

Nell waved happily, the other boy and girl waving with less enthusiasm, but smiles all the same.

“Hi,” Alex said simply, looking up at the woman with anxiety coursing through her entire body. She decided to pretend there had been no awkward interaction at all. That would work. “I’m Alex.”

The woman looked at her with suspicion, then down at Spencer, who was beaming and bouncing with a happiness Alex hadn’t seen in a long time.

“It’s nice to meet you,” the woman said, going along with Alex’s ruse. “I’m Hannah Clark. These are my twins, Nell and Finn, and Nell’s friend Lina.”

“Best friend, Mama,” Nell insisted, and Alex watched as the woman smiled .

“Right, Nell’s best friend Lina.”

Hotch had come up behind them now, his backpack slung over one shoulder and Alex’s now-packed bag over his other. “Nice to meet you,” he said evenly. “I’m Aaron. And this is Spencer.”

Nell tugged at her mother’s hand impatiently. “Mama! Ice cream! Can Spencer and Alex and Aaron come to ice cream with us? Spencer knows everything about pirates.”

Hannah looked Aaron and Alex over for a moment, and Alex felt her heart skip a beat. She’d scolded them on two occasions and originally thought they were teen parents. Which, Alex thought, wasn’t the worst thing in the world anyway. She’d judged them.

“Sure, Nellie, if Spencer, Alex, and Aaron would like to come with us to FrostBite, then they can.”

A cheer erupted from the four children, and a flurry of movement left Alex, Hotch, and Hannah staring after them as they dashed for the door together.

-----

“So, can I ask where your parents are?” Hannah asked them, eyes glancing at Spencer, who was sitting with Nell, Finn, and Lina at their own little table. They were chatting excitedly about pirates still, Spencer spouting everything he could remember and the three others asking question after question.

Hotch shifted in his seat, sipping at the coffee milkshake in front of him. “Working,” he said simply. He and Alex had a hushed agreement at the counter while they fought over who was paying that they would be vague enough to not draw suspicion.

“Ah,” she said. “Do they normally work on the weekends? We’re here every Saturday, and I’ve never seen you before.” Her tone was searching, and Hotch felt his eyebrows draw together as he went on defense.

“We didn’t know about the playground until Tuesday,” Alex said easily, sipping at her own milkshake. “A friend of ours told us about it, he used to come here as a kid.”

“It’s been a great outlet for Nell’s… energy. And Finn has enjoyed it.”

“Does Lina always come with you?” Hotch asked, glancing at the out-of-place redhead as she listened to Spencer ramble about the size of different ships.

Hannah nodded, smiling over at the children. “She does. She has a large family. One of her siblings comes to get her from here on their way home from clubs or work. It’s been a good routine.” She glanced at Alex and Hotch now, raising an eyebrow. “Children need routine.”

Hotch watched Alex nod, feeling something in his chest constrict.

“Of course,” she said evenly. There was a moment of hesitation before she added, “Spencer’s incredibly bright, and he has a hard time making friends with kids his own age. We thought that this might be a good way to get him out of his shell.”

Hotch took a breath, trying to release the defensive, annoyed feeling that was coursing up and down his body. This woman didn’t know them. She had no idea what kind of stress they were under. She didn’t know Spencer.

He felt some of it release when she nodded, giving a very small smile to them.

“Well, if I know anything about my Nell, it’s that she can make anyone feel comfortable. Lina used to be horribly shy.” She nodded towards the table. “Spencer looks like he’s fitting right in.”

“He’s a good kid,” Hotch said. “A great kid.”

“I can see that,” She said. There was a moment before she spoke again. “I would like to apologize. I judged you earlier, and it wasn’t fair of me. It’s obvious you both love your brother very much, and any teenager that would spend their Saturday trying to help their brother any way they could is more than okay in my book.”

Alex smiled slowly, nodding at the woman in front of them. “Thank you,” she said, and Hotch found himself nodding along.

The bell on the door tinkled as it opened, an older girl with hair as red as Lina’s stepping through and grinning at the table of children.

“Oh, Carolina!”

“Ginny!” Lina called, dashing from the table and slamming into her sister’s side.

The older girl laughed and waved at Hannah. “Thanks, Mrs. Clark! I’ll be dropping her off next week. Come on now, a stóirín, say bye to your friends.”

Hannah waved as Lina chirped out, “Bye Nell! Bye Finn! Bye Spencer!”

As they walked through the door, bell tinkling behind her, Hotch could hear Lina say to her sister, “Spencer’s our new friend, he’s really nice,” and all of the tension racing along his body ebbed slowly away.

-----

The first half of the car ride back was a whirlwind of Spencer rambling excitedly, telling them every detail about his time playing with Nell, Finn, and Lina. He was hopped up on sugar and adrenaline, riding the high of Hotch and Alex’s assurance that yes, they could go back to the playground to meet with them next week, and yes, they could get ice cream at FrostBite after the session was over.

By the time they had been on the freeway for ten minutes, he was sacked. His blanket was clutched to his chest as tiny snores escaped his chapped, sugar coated lips. Alex let out a happy sigh as she glanced at him through the slightly crooked rearview mirror. The blanket had been a backup plan in case the outing ended in a meltdown, but now both teens were riding a successful high of their own.

They didn’t need to talk about it. Hotch and Alex both knew exactly how the other felt without needing a single word.

When they pulled into the St. Thaddeus parking lot the sun was already down. Alex pulled her jacket tighter around herself and snagged both bags, taking Hotch’s so he could carry Spencer from the car.

“We’re going to have to wake him up in like an hour for dinner,” he said quietly, shifting so that Spencer’s head was resting against his collarbone.

Alex smiled and nodded, watching Spencer’s chest rise and fall peacefully. The stress that was so often reflected in his face and shoulders was gone, his hands still.

“Yeah,” she said quietly, “I know.”

They walked in silence for a while before she spoke again.

“Dave was right.”

“A miracle,” Hotch said, and they both laughed quietly. “Did you think you’d be spending the Saturdays of your senior year going on playdates?”

She shook her head, letting out another quiet laugh. “No way. I figured I’d work in the library. Hang out with James and Dave. Apply to colleges.”

Hotch hummed in agreement. “I’m going to have to talk to Gideon about not being around on Saturdays. At least some of them. You know, when we’re taking him out there.”

“Right.”

As they got to the door of Lincoln House, Alex looked at Hotch and smiled. “They’re going to grill us. Penelope is going to freak out, she’ll be so excited.”

“No kidding. They love him. We all do,” Hotch said, stepping over the threshold and shifting Spencer so he could start up the stairs.

Alex watched his back for a moment before she said quietly, “Yeah. We sure do.”

[labeeboheme]

my spencer reid headcanons

(when a happy one matches a sad one, they’ll be matching colours)

also tw - vague mention of suicide, drug addiction, disordered eating mention (never anything graphic)

happy/cute

- Garcia and the rest of the team would leave little sticky notes around his desk and normally they’d just make him smile but when he was having a rough day they’d literally make him tear up with happiness

- he’s obscenely good at present giving, because he simultaneously remembers everything that people say they like and also has his ridiculous knowledge of what exists out there

- one week (it coincided with him being clean for 5 years, he never made the connection) he walked into the briefing room and every member of the team was dressed exactly as him. he kept trying to bring it up and everybody pretended they had no idea what he was on about. it became their BAU group chat icon for years.

- one of the best days of his life was when garcia took him dog walking with her, he got to just wander around with 6 dogs all day

- jack grows to adore him just as much as henry does. spencer hangs around a lot because him and hotch are usually the ones without anyone to hang out with at the weekend, and he takes jack to the museum with henry and michael all the time. jack ends up being a lot more like spencer than he imagined (which both terrifies and delights hotch)

- Spencer has never actually attended a graduation, despite having graduated from various degrees like 10+ times. when the BAU (Alex probably) finds out, they all force him into a gown and rock up to cheer him

- they liked to play trivia games where it was spencer vs the rest of the team, but someone (i’m thinking emily) picks up that it makes him feel left out. they then take turns being on spencer’s team. one month, the non-spencer team beats them and the joy it gives them makes him smile for a week

- garcia learns how to make mocktails and without fail, will make a huge jug for him anytime the rest are drinking alcohol but make sure they’re fun flavours so he gets just as much excitement as everyone else

- after Diana is moved to Virginia, the team become really close to her. JJ takes the boys to hang out with her because she’s always loved children (and Diana sometimes thinks Henry is a young Spencer, which makes JJ worry about how Spencer will react but he’s just sitting here grinning with tears in his eyes because he’s finally getting to see his mom be the mom he knew she could be)

- the BAU love his glasses, and there’s a competition to get a photo of him with them on, but he’s very good at avoiding cameras. After one case in a hotel they even try to hide his contact solution to force him to wear them (amateurs - he definitely keeps a spare box in his coat). There eventually is a single photo of them wearing them, but all members of the BAU fail. Spencer is babysitting Henry, who is distraught about having to wear glasses to school. Spencer gives up trying to comfort him and just takes his contact lenses out and switches them for glasses. Henry is super shocked but so happy that he matches his favourite person, so Spencer takes a photo of the two of them so that Henry can put it next to his bed

- he gets a cat after prison, it’s a tabby cat that is the light of his life, and the cat is just heavy enough that when Spencer gets it to sit on his lap that cat can be used a grounding pressure

—————————————————

angsty/sad

- developed disordered eating habits that started from him always being super underweight as a child bc he couldn’t afford food and then when he got to college he started to eat properly and put on actually healthy weight but he was so adverse to change that it freaked him out

- one of the roughest days at the BAU, after all the obvious terrible times, was when Morgan and Hotch was just having a casual conversation about how they’d helped Strauss with her addiction and it just broke him. he ended up hiding under Garcia’s desk and he’d only speak to her and Emily (as the only people I think ever actually helped him) and was non verbal, once they finally got him out into the office he refused to speak to either of them and was just stimming with garcia comforting him (once he started talking again he whispered why he was so upset to emily, and she joined him in his glaring at them every time he looked at them. morgan and hotch never really worked it out and eventually reid just gave up on being upset because he knew it couldn’t change what happened)

- spencer has never walked across the stage at graduation, but that doesn’t mean he never went to a graduation. his first degree his mom promised she’d come, but ended up not leaving the house. he stood to the side of the stage in his gown trying not to cry before just going back home and having the diploma mailed to him

- he relapsed in prison. he considered his sobriety over after the events in Mexico, and so just briefly gave up when one of the inmates offered him some. as soon as Garcia came to visit him, he broke down and never did it again. he never told Morgan and so he still got a text every year on the day he first got clean, which he thought he’d absolutely hate but ended up finding comfort in because even if the “happy 12 years sobriety, kid” should have been “happy 2 years sobriety, kid”, it reminded him that he’d done it before and could do it again

- after maeve died and they came round to help him clean his apartment, he was really proud of himself for being able to put her book on the shelf and feel like he’s moving on. and then the next day he was getting ready to go to work properly for the first time and he was just getting more and more terrified and anxious and then started to spiral because the longer he panicked the later he was. and it reminded him of how scared maeve had been to come outside to meet him at the restaurant but she’d done it anyway, and he put the book in his bag and found it a lot easier to leave the house after that

- Spencer is so goddamn bitter about them not helping him get clean, and he mentions it whenever he can. In a angry-but-never-let-himself-be-angry way, he takes some justification in seeing the team squirm with guilt. one day he’s listing symptoms of withdrawal for a case, and just starts to go like “another symptom is intense muscle pain, which for me was definitely the worst” or “yeah nausea is real bad, not that you’d know I guess” like he’s exhausted and pissed off and just gives up any pretence of subtlety

- when Diana dies, the whole team rally around Reid more than he could imagine. They all organise the funeral basically for him, and Garcia constantly cooks for him, and at least one person sleeps on his sofa each night in case he needs them. By week two he’s doing okay, and he quickly realises they’re doing it for themselves more than him, because they’re so desperate to let him know how loved he is. It’s still one of the worst weeks of his life, but it’s bearable and that’s purely down to him never having to feel lonely

- there’s a reason he knew exactly what to do when he walked in on Nathan Harris, and that’s because he’s done it with his mom, except that time he was 12 and his dad had just left and he just sat there covered in blood waiting for the ambulance, and whilst promising the paramedics that his dad was on his way home so that social services wouldn’t turn up, he read countless books on medical treatment so that next time he wouldn’t be so hopeless

- I respectfully disagree with the line where he’s like “this is my first meeting” at the Beltway clean cops, I’m convinced he would drive two hours to a meeting miles away so he could truly be anonymous and sit curled up in a chair and cry in meetings without even the slightest chance of seeing someone he knew

[letarasstuff]

Where do you go?

(A/N): This is requested by an anon and based on this post.

Summary: How does Hotch’s daughter, who everyone goes to with their own problems, cope with her mother’s death two years later?

Warnings: Angst. Grief. Dealing with a loved one’s death

Wordcount: 2.2k

✨Masterlist✨ _____________________________

“Hey (Y/N), I really need your help with Tim. Do you have a minute for me?” (Y/N) turns around to see a boy from her science class. It’s not like she knows him that much, they occasionally team up for small projects, there is nothing more behind that.

“Uh of course. I just had my last class, so I got time for you.” She smiles and lets him, Vincent is his name she thinks, rant to her about how his boyfriend doesn’t understand his needs.

This is nothing out of the ordinary for her, to be asked for advice. She simply is a good listener and gives good tips, the best even according to people close to the teenager. The problem is her limited knowledge on relationships. “Coaches don’t play”, Hotch tells her. And he intends on keeping it that way.

“That does really suck. Did you try to talk to him about it?” (Y/N) asks the boy in front of her. Suddenly he bursts into tears, describing how he only sees breaking up as a solution. She awkwardly pats his back and says encouraging words to him. That he will make the right decision, that he shouldn’t rush it and that he has to take his time.

After Vincent, or is it Gordon, calms down he looks up at the girl. “Thank you for listening. You were a great help, (Y/N).” He hugs her and leaves.

As she looks over the parking lot she spots her father’s car. Excitedly (Y/N) walks over and gets onto the passenger seat. “Hey, I didn’t know you pick me up today”, she greets him.

“We finished the case early and I was on the way home and thought giving you a lift wouldn’t hurt. Who was that boy? Is there something I should know?” Hotch looks at her from the side. But his daughter shakes her head. “Don’t worry, he is gay. He just needed a shoulder to cry on about his ruined relationship.”

“You do know you are not the school’s therapist, don’t you? At this point your classmates should pay you.” He tries to joke about it, but as a father he is worried. Since Haley died, (Y/N) took it upon her to make sure everybody is happy, no matter at what costs.

“I know, Dad. I’m fine and Alex feels better.”

A few days later (Y/N) sits in JJ’s living room, watching the mother go from one place to the next. “Food is in the fridge, so help yourself. Henry’s bedtime is in half an hour, please make sure he goes to sleep by then. He should be easy to put down, Will made sure to tire him out earlier. All important numbers are on the fridge. Feel free to watch anything on the TV.”

The teenager volunteered to babysit Henry, giving his parents a child free evening. “Thank you, JJ. We will rock this, don’t we?” She looks down to the boy on her lap, who nods his head.

“Good. Behave for (Y/N), ok?” The mother gives her son a kiss on the head. After Will’s goodbye the couple is gone.

“Ok, how about we get real comfy on your bed and I read you a story?” Henry nods again. He takes (Y/N) by her hand to his room. As suggested they lay down on his bed.

“Which one do you want me to read to you?” But the boy looks unsure all of a sudden. “Can we just talk?” Surprised the teenager nods. “Whatever you like, champ.”

“Uh okay, do you know Mommy is a bit… much? She is like there and the next second she is here and then she isn’t here for days. I- this is sooo annoying”, Henry rants to her. He is only three, so it is kept rather simple.

“Oh man, she must be a handful, champ. But you have to keep in mind that she really loves you and in the end this is the only thing that matters. Do you love her, too?” It hurts her to talk about a mother’s love, since her own passed away over two years ago. (Y/N) still misses her. She is sure it will never go away.

“Of course I love her.” Sleepily Henry cuddles closer to (Y/N), holding his plush toy near him. After that, he falls asleep safe and sound. The teenager waits for a bit, watching him scrunching up his nose every few minutes.

The next day at the BAU a knock is heard on the Unit Chief’s door. “Come in!”

“Hey Dad, I thought a little visit wont hurt”, the daughter enters the room. Automatically a smile appears on Hotch’s face. “Also, I thought a little help from Spencer wont hurt, too”, she adds with a laugh. “Last time I checked he was in Garcia’s lair. You might have a shot finding him there”, he tips her off.

“Thank you Dad, you are the best!” Not long after this she steps into the Technical Analyst’s office and is immediately greeted by the preppy woman being anything but preppy.

“What in heaven’s name do they think I am, do you know it (Y/N)? They want me to work faster and more efficiently and expect me to be all sunshine and rainbows while looking at the most gruesome pictures ever taken on a daily basis! Un-be-lie-va-ble!” The blonde walks back and forth, gesticulating wildly.

The teenager takes her hands in an attempt to calm her down. “Sit down and tell me from the beginning what you are talking about.” This ends in Penelope raging about some superiors for an hour. When she finally calms down, it is like she wakes up. “Oh my, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to load all that up on you. You don’t need that in addition to-” She suddenly cuts herself off.

“I’m fine, really. It’ll be like any other day.” The smile the girl struggles to put on looks pained. “My sweet sweet summer child, the second anniversary of your mother’s death is not like any other day. You are still allowed to grief, you know that, right?” Penelope hugs (Y/N), cradling her close to her chest.

“I know, Penny. Thank you for reminding me. But I have to go, I need Spencer’s help with my chemistry assignment. You know, gotta keep those grades up.” With that she makes a beeline for the bullpen, leaving a stunned Technical Analyst by herself.

Since Foyet Hotch worries about his daughter. He learned many things about her coping mechanisms in the last two years: She tries to do it on her own.

In times like this the similarity between him and (Y/N) frustrates him. Aaron also tends to deal with his emotions alone, in the safe space of his own four walls. With all of his qualifications he knows it’s not healthy and he slowly learns to let his feelings loose around people he trusts, typically his team.

The difference between (Y/N) and Hotch is that he knows when he reaches his breaking point and she doesn’t about hers. So in a situation like right now being a profiler comes in handy with the job as a father.

It’s the day. The second anniversary of a mother’s death.

Hotch already planned the whole day for his two kids. At first he wakes both of them up, a luxus he seldom is able to indulge. But for today he has called into work saying he won't be coming any time before ten.

The mood around the house is suffocating. Even the little boy notices the heaviness of the day and its meaning.

“Are you ready, (Y/N)? I’m gonna drop you and Jack off at school!” Aaron shouts standing at the foot of the stairs. “I’m coming!” The answer is heard faintly.

Not long after this the Hotchner Household is on their way to the youngest’s elementary school. “Behave and remember: If you don’t feel fine it’s okay. Just tell your teachers and they will call me and I will get you, do you understand?” The father looks at his son with a certain seriousness. “Understood”, the blonde boy confirms and gives him a hug.

When he is back onto the driver’s seat, (Y/N) speaks up. “I don’t feel good about letting him to school today. What if he suddenly gets overwhelmed? I don’t think his teachers are able to calm him down.” Hotch gives his daughter a glance from the side. Jack never showed any signs of what she just described.

“They know to call me. I also told him it's all right to let them call me. He is in good hands.” It’s quiet for the next few minutes. “Dad, this is not the way to school”, the teenager tries to alert her father.

“I know. You won’t go today. I called you in sick when you were in the bathroom. I got the day planned, be ready to be surprised.”

The first thing they do is having breakfast in a little niché café. They once visited it regularly with Haley, way long before Jack was born. The two of them sit down at a booth in the corner.

“What can I get you two sweeties?” A waitress asks, her notebook ready in her hands. While the father orders their usuals, (Y/N) lets her eyes wander. So many memories at once crash onto her.

“Do you remember this one waiter, who always got you a hot cup of chocolate for free?” Aaron says after noticing her sad look. The girl begins to smile through the tears forming in her eyes. “Of course. Mom always got nearly a heart attack seeing me down it like it’s juice. I-” Her voice breaks. The tears fall down and make their way over her cheeks.

“It’s ok, you don’t have to say anything. I’m here. For anything you want or need me. Because nobody expects you to be alright, especially on this day.” He takes her hand and looks her in the eyes. (Y/N) nods, leaning against her father’s shoulder. He puts an arm on her, keeping her closer.

“I know. It’s just- It still hurts. So so badly. I feel like she still is here, but that’s just not true and that hurts me more.” Silently Hotch motions the waitress to make the order to go, while rubbing his child’s arm. Because that’s what she still is, a child.

A child that went through much, especially for her age. When (Y/N) calms down a little, they make their way back to the car.

“I thought we are going to the BAU to distract you for a while. But I can call the team and tell them we are going to do a SPA day at home or something. What do you want?”

“Can we go to them? And maybe leave earlier to do face masks at home before picking Jack up?” There is no way the father can say no to her puppy dog eyes. “Of course, Honey. Anything you want.”

As soon as the doors of the elevator open to floor six of the FBI building in Quantico, Penelope Garcia embraces (Y/N) in a big bear hug. “My sweet sweet summer child. You are so strong, I admire you. We are so happy to have you here” she whispers into the teenager's ear. “Thank you, Penny. Thank you so much.”

Over the course of the next few hours (Y/N) visits everyone’s desk. At first she goes into the lair, where mountains of cookies wait for her. Then she sits at Spencer’s desk, listening to cute facts about sloths. But Emily is quick to steal her from the genius, bribing the girl with new pictures of Sergio. Derek takes the teen from there, pushing her through the office on a desk chair with wheels. Her father is able to hear her laughs in his office, which puts a small smile on his face.

After that (Y/N) goes to JJ, who has a drawn picture from Henry for her. “Will had to write ‘best babysitter ever’ for him”, the blonde explains, pointing at the picture. The girl smiles. “Woah, I think you got a little Picasso at home. Tell him I love it.”

Her last stop is Rossi’s office. The older man looks at her with a fond smile. “Do you know that I see so much of your father and mother in you?” Confused, she glances at him.

“You are as stoic as Aaron. You are determined. But you are also caring and loving, like Haley. You are a perfect combination of both of them. Just keep that in your mind.”

As mysterious as this seems, it somehow makes (Y/N) happy. Happy to know a part of her mother is always with her.

Soon the little family departes for their home. Not long after they bid their goodbyes, Penelope receives a picture of the Unit Chief and the teenager with pink glitter masks. The father is willing to do anything to make her smile, even when this means he gets a basket of various masks the next day for teasingly reasons.

[your-fave-transboy]

My Criminal Minds Headcanons - N*FW

If you report this, ya mom's a hoe. This is obviously just like the SVU version lmao, but CM. Enjoy :)

To start, Alex has a mommy kink. End tweet.

Hotch has fantasized about Emily and she knows it bc he couldn't look her in the eye for a week.

Rossi knows a lot about bondage for some who claims to not be into it. One might say, too much.

Spencer also knows a lot about bondage, and he's a switch. (Bottom-leaning, but still a switch)

Penelope, JJ, and Elle are tops. JJ being the only switch, but still a top.

Elle pegged Spencer in S1, I won't take criticism.

Hotch has thought about pegging, but only if Emily did it bc he's a simp.

Derek is a top-leaning switch, and if he's bottoming then he's a power bottom.

Tara and Emily have had sex in her office once she becomes chief. A post-case pick-me-up if you will. (Tara can totally carry Emily btw)

Everyone has called Hotch daddy at least once bc of him being the dad of the group, but only Derek and Rossi meant it innocently.

Emily and JJ did have a thing pre-Will, and they fucked all the time. At work, on the jet, in the precincts. You name it, they fucked there.

On that note, they have been caught so many times. Everyone has seen Emily naked and that's very cash money of them tbh.

Emily calls JJ daddy.

Penelope is a soft as fuck service top. Penelope Garcia smother me challenge, ya know?

Spencer is the King of oral. What he may lack in experience he makes up for in enthusiasm and stamina.

[criminalhotch]

Porch Kisses~ Aaron Hotchner

Word Count:1.5k

Warnings: nothing it’s pretty fluffy. Hotch cusses once but that’s the craziest it gets.

A/N: I wrote this in second POV to mix it up so if it’s trash or there’s grammar mistakes I am sorry. I did try to proofread it. It is based off of this concept ask: Hotch taking jack to a birthday party for a friend from school and he meets the kid’s aunt and falls for her and it’s so fluffy ughhh

This weekend was your nephew’s 7th birthday party. He was having a few friends over for his party and you came over early to help your sister with everything. She warned you that one of the dad’s was pretty hot and that he worked for the FBI. You’d be lying if you said that didn’t interest you at least a little bit.

You found out that it was Alex’s friend, Jack whose dad your sister was trying to hook you up with. You were busy refilling the punch when you heard Alex scream Jack’s name in excitement so you turned to see the small blonde boy and his dad. His dad was well over 6 feet tall and extremely attractive.

They had a gift bag for Alex that his dad walked over to the gift table then headed towards the drink bowl that you were still refilling with a potpourri of ingredients. “Can I get some or should I wait?” He asked. “I would wait, I haven't added everything so the proportions may be off. I’m almost done though” you explained. “Take your time” he said.

“Your Alex’s aunt right?” He asked as you finished mixing the punch. “Yeah, you’re Jack’s dad right?” You replied. “Yes, you can call me Aaron. It’s a little more specific than Jack’s dad” he laughed lightly. “Alright, Aaron. I’m Y/N” you told him. “I think I can remember that,” he smiled. “So my sister said you work for the FBI?” You offered.

“Yeah, the justice department. I love my job but I’m gone a lot so it’s difficult to be here for Jack as much as I would like to be” he explained. “Well I’m sure Jack’s mom takes good care of him when you’re gone” you said which you quickly realized was a big mistake. “His mom, my ex-wife passed away two years ago but her sister watches him when I’m gone. She’s usually the one to take him to these things. I feel so out of place” he admitted.

“I’m sorry for loss but I know what you mean. My sister asked me to help but I don’t know anyone but our family” you chuckled. “Well now you know me” Aaron smiled as he finally got a cup of punch. “I guess I do” you smiled back as your sister called out it was time for cake.

You and Aaron went your separate ways but you kept sneaking glances at one another and smiled or offered a small wave in the other person’s direction throughout the party. Jack was getting sleepy and Aaron had him tossed over his shoulder as he was getting ready to leave. It made you sad that you weren’t going to see this devilishly handsome man again but then he started walking towards you.

“So my schedule is kind of crazy but I was wondering if you wanted to go for dinner sometime?” Aaron asked. “I think I’d like that” you smiled eagerly. “I can call you when I’m not on a case”, he offered. “Okay, I can give you my number” you replied. Aaron reached his free hand down to his pocket and quickly realized Jack was sleeping on the side with his phone.

“Give me your hand, I have a pen and I can write it on your hand like we did in the 90’s before everyone had cell phones” you laughed as he gave you his large hand. You scribbled your number down then let his hand go. “I’ll talk to you later then” he said. “Sounds good” you responded.

After the party had died down you found your sister. “I saw you talking to Mr. Hotchner a lot today” she commented. “His name is Aaron and he asked me on a date, I gave him my number” you confessed. “Damn, sis. Way to go” she encouraged.

A couple weeks went by and Aaron had to cancel your date twice because of his job but you understood, telling him not to worry about it. You were starting to get nervous that he had changed his mind until he showed up at your door one night.

“Aaron what are you doing here?” You asked in confusion. “I decided that we were going to dinner while I was home so I didn’t have to reschedule again and scare you away” he replied. “It takes a little more than a couple rescheduled dates to scare me away” you told him. “I didn’t want to take the chance so we have reservations at eight” Aaron said.

“I’ll have to get ready”, you admitted. “You look beautiful but for where we are going you are a tad underdressed with the sweatpants” he chuckled. “You can come sit on the couch, help yourself to the tv. Give me 20 minutes” you offered. “Okay” he agreed.

You quickly twirled your hair into a cute little up-do that didn’t take too long, did a quick run through of a basic makeup routine, then found a beautiful black dress with some red heels. After looking in the mirror, you decided you were missing one thing. Lipstick. Rummaging through your makeup bag you applied the red lipstick that accented your makeup and your outfit perfectly.

You walked back out into the living and Aaron turned to look at you. “Excuse my French but you look fucking stunning” he complimented. “Thank you. Are you ready?” You asked. “Whenever you are”, he replied. We made our way out of the door as you locked it. Aaron was a couple steps ahead of you. Out of nowhere, you felt courageous, maybe it was the excitement or it could be the lipstick, who knows.

In a wave of confidence you called his name as he turned back to you. “Is everything alright?” He asked. You took a step closer, smashing your lips onto his. He was surprised at first, his body tensed but it quickly released as he melted into the kiss. You pulled away smiling. “What was that for?” He wondered. “I figured we could get it out of the way so it wouldn’t be awkward later” you smirked as you grabbed his hand pulling him towards the sidewalk.

You made it to dinner. It was an over priced restaurant that you had never heard of and you were shocked he was able to get a reservation so last minute but apparently one of his coworkers plays poker with the owner so they pulled some strings. You guys talked about your jobs, your favorite things, and even Jack and Alex.

It turns out Jack is a pretty funny kid. “So Jack asked me the morning after Alex’s party if I thought you were pretty” Aaron admits. “Oh yeah? And what was your response?” You teased. “I told him that I thought you were very pretty and then he asked if I was going to take you on a date and I told him that I planned to” He admitted. “What did he say about that?” You replied.

“He told me that if we got married that it would be really cool because him and Alex would be related. I told him not to get ahead of himself and we needed to see how dinner went before we started sending out any invitations” Aaron chuckled. “Kids are so funny aren’t they?” You laughed. “Yes, they are” he replied, smiling. “Well you can report back to Jack that the date went very well and if his dad is interested that I would love to go on another one when he’s not on a case” you confessed.

“I’ll be sure to let Jack and his dad know that”, Aaron smiled. “Sounds great” you agreed. Aaron insisted that he pay for the meal and then he drove you home. He walked you to the door as you both stood underneath the porch light. “You know I think the last time we were standing on this porch something exciting happened” you teased. Luckily, Aaron took the hint. “Yeah, if I remember correctly it went something like this” he said as he leaned down to connect your lips again.

His lips were soft and slow. His right hand was pressed up against your cheek as your lips melted together. Aaron pulled away first, “I hope you had fun tonight” he murmured. “I did, thank you. It was spontaneous and fun but simple” you told him. “Sounds tough to beat” he chuckled. “I’m sure you can manage”, you reassured.

“I’ll ask Jack what he thinks. We may end up going to a park and eating chicken nuggets” he joked. “Sounds like a good time to me” you laughed. “Goodnight, Y/N” he said. “Goodnight, Aaron” I said as I walked inside of my house and shut the door.

Tonight was a lot of fun and you had more in common than you expected. You looked forward to your next date whenever it may be. And as much fun as a park and chicken nuggets sound, you were sure Aaron would come up with something a little less kid friendly.

[maschotch]

hello my friend, wanted to ask you to rank the team from least favorite to most favorite. and to tell you i hope you have a good day!

ahh ok ok ok like the whole team or just the core 7? fuck it: all of them

jj: explanation here but tldr? white pinterest mom vibes and im nota hashtag feminist girlboss

kate: same reasons as jj but i thought she was funny while she lasted and i liked the human trafficking episode with her niece that was crazy

rossi: racist wealthy italian. "i used to be in the mafia" and "im a war veteran" are his only other personality traits. need i say more? his best moment was when he gave hotch a gun to kill himself ajsdlghsjg

seaver: wattpad energy im sorry gamergirl

matt: breeding kink. my vietnamese and filipino friends have had too many interactions with kpop stannies and koreaboos for me to support wasian kids with white moms im sorry

reid: he's not low on purpose i just don't really like any of the story arcs that surround him specifically and hes the most annoying ab his daddy/mommy issues than anyone else on the team (why cant he be normal about it like morgan lol) and i know enough other people love him to make up for him not being my absolute favorite

alex: another low empathy legend. i find her fascinating and i love lveo lveolevoevlevoelvoevleovelvoe her relationship with reid!!! thats his mom right there!!! (no disrespect diana- a boy can have two moms<3)

stephen: he was such a funky little guy. had that weird dad energy that we've missed since gideon left. didn't deserve to go like that, the scene with monica brings me to tears everytime, i wish he could've been there longer and had a chance to develop his relationships with the rest of the team more

tara: i loooove her she's so cool and smart. i wish she had more storylines about her tho :/ but thats the racism ig lmao

gideon: literally just a fucked up guy he's so goofy and weird. and it's kinda like the opposite of spencer--he's higher on my list bc i know he's low on so many other people's and honestly the weirdo freak deserves better. i want someone to hannibal him so so bad

jordan: ok i thought she was fucking awesome??? i really wish she had stayed longer but i also loved how she always struggled with the job because of how personally she took everything. she looked at this nightmare of a life and said "no thanks :) not for me" and i respect that. but i love her relationships with the team especially emily morgan hotch <3

penelope: ????do i even need to say anything she's gorgeous and funny and literally the glue that holds the team together like this show would not be shit without her in it

morgan: another one i feel like goes without saying he's just such a good man so gentle and sweet and kind and loving and protective. he takes all the hurt he's experienced and uses that to fuel his love and devotion for others. and he's so so smart he just doesn't need to rub it in everyone's face all the time. he's just got that tmasc swag and his tits always steal the show<3

luke: baby boy baby he's my absolute golden boy fr. he's going higher than morgan/penelope which seems a little off but i'm grading on a curve: he didn't really get any storylines and he wasn't there for that long. latino king and im a sucker for sign language. his crush on garcia is sooooo cute and just the way he was always there for her emotionally even when she didnt want him to be.. .giving him infinite gold star stickers

elle: badass cuban?? the way she instantly settled into the bau family?? putting everyone in their place?? how her leaving left a permanent scar on everyone who cared about her?? the potential for vigilante elle?? haircut in the second season?? her smile??? teh gUn HoLsTerskasj j??? what's not to love?? i wish she lasted longer :((((

hotch: hes my boring white man i will hype this bitch up so much!!!!!!WILL defend southern boy hotch to the death. trans man autistic man trying-to-be-better-than-his-father man <3 hes sooooooo expressive and emotionally open especially when he goes -_- i love him so so much

emily: she's so so so smart and hot <3 i love my low empathy queen <3 normally i dont really like ~rich white girl with mysterious international connections~ trope but she manages it perfectly bc its not her whole personality you know? she's all about second chances and trying again and building a new life for herself out of the ashes of her old one and it doesn't always work but she keeps trying anyway and i love love love her

[ahopelessromantic]

I’m Yours, You’re Mine pt. II ➳ S. Reid

Pairing: Spencer x Reader

Word count: 4,4k

Warnings: none

Spencer and you are ready to tie the knot. But, like always, life gets in the way. (Read pt. I here)

The sight of Spencer with your daughter filled you with a tenderness you had thought yourself incapable of. She was sleeping serenely in her baby carrier while your fiancé worked on a geographical profile, careful not to move too much so she didn’t wake up. For a moment you just watched them from where you were leaning in the doorframe and basked in the feeling of love your little family caused in you. „There you are.“, you finally spoke up. Spencer turned to look at you with a smile on his lips, then frowned. “Shouldn’t you be at your dress fitting right now?” You rolled your eyes and walked over to where he was standing in front of the case board, letting him kiss your forehead. “I’ve still got an hour. My mom is all over the place though, so I told her I still had to get something done at work.”

Your fiancé deadpanned at you. “(Y/N), you have the next few days off.” You laughed and played with the hem of his sweater. “Are you really complaining about me coming to see you two right now?” Before he could answer though Alex sighed in her sleep, both of your focuses immediately on her. “Has she eaten yet?”, you whispered Spencer hummed in response. “She got her bottle half an hour ago. Since then she’s been a great help with the case.” You laughed breathily, eyes wandering across your daughter’s small face in awe. “Oh, I can see that.” Ever since the birth of your daughter, Spencer and she had been inseparable. He liked to call her his best friend, and that she was indeed. He carried her around everywhere in her baby sling, read his favourite books to her, sometimes you could hear him talking to her when you weren’t in the room. Morgan and Prentiss had even taken to calling him Papa Koala on occasion, to which he always responded that calling him Papa Penguin would at least be more accurate. You know, since Empire Penguin dads are so crucial to the chicks’ survival. Alexandra even looked like a carbon copy of him with her tiny button nose and the elegantly curved eyebrows. These days the Spencer who had been so afraid of becoming a dad felt like a far-off memory. He was nothing short of incredible with her, and the best partner you could imagine having by your side while raising a child. “Hey, Mama.” Derek greeted you quietly while entering the room. “You hiding from your mom again?”, he teased with the lift of an eyebrow. You pouted playfully. “Believe me, you would be too if you knew her. Besides, I just really missed my babies.” You heard Spencer gasp behind you. “You see when you used the plural, that indicated the presence of two babies. Last time I checked I only saw one, though.” You chuckled and winked at your fiancé. “You keep telling yourself that.” Morgan held out his hand to high five you. “But,”, you sighed. “Since everything is okay here, I’m afraid I’ll have to return to giggling mothers and aunts who bully me about my choice of dress. Spence, you’ll call if something happens?” Your husband to be smiled into the kiss you pressed to his lips. “Will do. We’re still having a great time here though, right Lex? Just hanging out with Uncle Derek?” You laughed and carefully kissed your daughter’s forehead, closing your eyes to enjoy her soft scent for a moment. “Alright you guys, I’ll leave you to it. Remember, no crime scene photos for the baby!” With one last look at your family and a squeeze to Derek’s shoulder, you left the BAU, mentally bracing yourself for another wedding-related meet up with your family. There were only a few days left until your wedding to Spencer, and most of your family had already arrived to help you with the last bit of preparations. After your engagement, everything in your pregnancy had happened so quickly that there just hadn’t been the time to plan a wedding. And even now, six months after the birth of your daughter, it still seemed like too much was happening at the same time. So, despite how much your mother sometimes annoyed you with her eternal nagging about how she preferred roses over peonies, you still were grateful for her help.

“Are you ready to see yourself in the mirror?” You took a deep, trembling breath, not really sure about your answer. You were still sure about the dress and the changes you had asked to be made in it, but not even seven months after the birth of your daughter your body was still in its postpartum phase. You were sure the dress was going to look great; you just didn’t know if your body was, too. Despite the mean voices in your head you forced yourself to open your eyes and felt the breath being knocked from your lungs.

“Stop looking at yourself like that.” “Like what?” You asked, your gaze still on your belly. Spencer came up behind you, his hands covering the soft skin of your stomach. “Like you hate what you see. Because this?” He gently tugged at the excess skin. “This is where our baby was. You nurtured her and protected her for ten months and you should be proud of yourself for doing that.” He turned you around, probably to block your view from the mirror. “I love what I see.” He murmured, his words sending shivers down your spine. He captured your lips in a tender kiss. “I love what I see every day, you goddess.” You laughed and slapped his shoulder. “You’re cheesy.” He grinned. “And you’re sexy.”

Now, looking at yourself in the mirror, you suddenly knew what Spencer had meant. You looked different from before you had gotten pregnant, but now you didn’t see that as a negative thing anymore. You looked softer, more feminine than ever before, and the dress was doing an amazing job at highlighting what was to be highlighted and hiding what was to be hidden. Still speechless, you turned to take it all in. The bridal shop had done incredibly well at altering the dress to your taste, and you felt tears well up in your eyes. This was how you had always imagined yourself, wished yourself to be. Successful in your job, devoted to a loving partner, and mother to the most beautiful baby in the world. You sniffled, only now noticing the tears that wetted your cheeks. “Wow.” You whispered, now full-on sobbing. Your best friend got up from her seat to envelop you in a tight hug, petting your hair once you had pulled away. “You look so, so beautiful.” She whispered, tears in her eyes as well. Your mom and the rest of your bridal party nodded eagerly with serene smiles on their lips. You took that as a good reaction. “Mom, can you give me my phone?” You whimpered, and although you could see she wanted to protest at first, she still handed it to you. Without hesitation you dialled Spencer’s number, desperately wanting him to be there in this moment. “Yes, honey?” Suddenly even more overwhelmed by hearing his voice on top of everything, you just breathed into your phone. “Baby, are you okay?” Spencer immediately asked, concern lacing his voice. “Mhm.”, you sobbed, still twirling in front of the mirror. “Spencer, you’re going to make me the happiest girl in the world.” Even though your voice was thick with tears you could hear him quietly chuckle in relief. “Well, that’s the goal, isn’t it?” You returned his laugh, wiping away your tears. “I love you, Spencer. I love you so much.” He took a deep breath on the other end of the line. “I love you more, (Y/N).”

“Do I need to tell security to not let you in until we’ve gotten married?” You laughed, snaking your arms around Spencer’s waist. “Please, just let me have this little bit of normalcy. Mom has been talking about nothing but napkin folding methods all day and if I have to watch one more YouTube video explaining to me how to fold a bishop’s hat, I will go insane.” He pulled you further against him with a chuckle. “Alright, you shall have permission to stay for a while. Is Lex with your mom?” You hummed and closed your eyes for a moment, enjoying the calmness exuding from your fiancé. He had always been your safe haven. “Alex has been babbling all day long, I think she knows something’s going on.” Spencer smiled. “Of course, she knows something’s going on. Her parents are geniuses, after all.” You were about to playfully retort something when Hotch came out of his office looking even more stressed than usual. “Conference room. Now.” He called out over the bullpen, the rest of the Team looking at each other in concern. Now you were even more glad to have come to work today. Arrived in the conference room you could immediately feel the tension in the air. Hotch was nervously pacing in front of the monitor, his eyes heavy when they met yours. Once everyone had sat down, he immediately started speaking. “We have an active bomb threat in New York.” A collective wave of shock ran through the team. “There’s a new terror cell that’s capable of even worse things than a bomb and we have to get there as soon as possible. (Y/L/N), Reid, I understand if you want to sit out on this one. I’m sorry we can’t attend the wedding.” You bit your lower lip, gaze fleeting to Spencer. He had the same conflicted look on his face as yours. “Wait, no.” You spoke up after a short moment in thought. “I don’t want to get married without you guys there.” “But (Y/N), we have to take this case.” Emily spoke softly. You felt your heart clench. This hadn’t been a choice you had expected to have to make today. Spencer took your hand underneath the table and squeezed it. “(Y/N)’s right, it won’t feel right without you there.” His gaze met yours. All the answers you needed were there in his eyes. You nodded. “I’ll call my mom.”

“Promise me you’ll be careful out there.” You anxiously asked Spencer, trying to take in as much of him as possible. The possibility of not seeing each other again after a day of work had always been there, but now that you had so much to lose saying goodbye always was even more difficult. Spencer pressed you to him in a bittersweet hug, burying his face in your hair. “I promise. Tell Lex I love her so much, and could you read to her tonight? We’re reading Schopenhauer right now.” You laughed, desperately trying to fight the tears stinging away in your eyes. “I’ll send you a video. I love you, Spence.” “I love you more. And (Y/N)?” He asked, lifting your chin with his fingers. “I’m still crazy about getting to marry you. You’re becoming Mrs Reid, if you want to or not.” You nodded desperately, leaning up to capture his lips in a kiss, With an aching heart, you watched him catch up with the rest of the team, his go-bag already on his shoulder. But as awful as the bomb threat was, some part of you couldn’t help but feel relieved upon knowing the big wedding was cancelled. The whole huge party your family and the people around you had urged you to have had just stopped feeling like Spencer and you at some point, and maybe next time you were going to do it on your terms for real. Over the next few days, your wedding guests all returned home, leaving you alone with a weird feeling in your gut. You were used to danger in your job, but a bomb threat still wasn’t exactly something you had to deal with every day. You were almost glad you had your hands full with Alex and cancelling the wedding, glad to have something distracting you from the thoughts of your team possibly being blown up in New York. Of course, you loved your family. And you had enjoyed seeing them all in one place for your wedding for the first time in a while, but the BAU team was at least just as much your family as your aunts and cousins. They were your immediate support system, the people you saw every day, the people you shared everything with. And Spencer felt the same about them. Maybe you both wanted them to be at your wedding even more than your families. When Spencer called to tell you that he was coming back home the day after your planned wedding date you felt a huge weight lift off your shoulders. You didn’t care about cancelling an event, having your friends and partner back home was all that counted. Emily had gotten slightly hurt fighting off someone, and Morgan had taken a huge risk defusing a bomb, but other than that everything was fine.

“I’m sorry again, you two. I hope you were able to get everything refunded.” Hotch spoke over dinner the day after they had returned from New York. Everyone had assembled in your kitchen to celebrate not dying in an explosion, and you couldn’t be happier to have them all around you once more. You leaned against Spencer and smiled. “It’s fine, Hotch. I’m just glad you’re all back safely.” “What are you going to do now? About the wedding and everything?” Emily mused over her glass of wine. You sighed. “I have no idea. All I know is that I really want it to happen still.” You looked up to find Spencer already looking at you. “Me too.” He smiled. “I finally want to be able to introduce you as my wife. In life and on paper, remember?” You beamed at him and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. The rest of the team groaned. “You’re disgusting.” Morgan declared, looking kind of out of place with tiny Alex in his arms. “You’re just jealous.” Spencer teased, and if Derek hadn’t been holding the baby, he probably would have slapped your fiancé on the head. “I don’t know if that’s something you’d want, but I’m actually an ordained minister.” Rossi suddenly spoke up. You whipped your head around to look at him, then looked at Spencer. The same idea seemed to be forming in both your heads. “I could call and ask if we could go to the Smithsonian again after closing hours?” You felt your heartbeat quicken. Getting married to the love of your life in the very place you had gotten engaged, which was also one of your absolute favourite spots in the entire world? An almost reverent feeling spread through your kitchen. You felt your spine tingle. “Let’s do it.” You whispered, a wide smile spreading across Spencer’s features. “Let’s do it.” He responded, a gleam in his eyes.

Less than a week later you were standing in front of the entrance to the museum in your wedding dress, filled with nervous anticipation. But this time, you didn’t feel pressured to act a certain way or worried about what people were going to think. You were going to marry your soulmate with some of the most important people in your life around you, why should you be anxious? Hotch and JJ were standing with you outside, keeping you company until they had to head inside for the ceremony. “Hotch?” You nervously called after him before he could disappear inside. He stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at you. “Yeah?” You smiled. “Do you think you could maybe… stay?” A small smile lifted his eternal frown for a moment. “You want me to give you away?” You bit your lip and nodded. “Well, my dad’s not here, is he? And you’re the closest thing to it. Also, I don’t want to go in alone.” He came to a halt beside you, holding out his arm to you. The caring look on his face already caused tears to well up in your eyes. God, you were going to cry buckets today. “I’ve got you.” He murmured and you took his arm, immediately feeling more grounded. Then the door opened, and your head was wiped clean of every single thought you had had up until that point. The museum’s rotunda looked as spectacular as ever in its evening lighting, but all you could focus on was Spencer standing there in his tux. He looked so breathtaking that he outshined every single thing around him. You felt your heart swell with love. JJ sent you an encouraging smile as you walked up to Rossi and Spencer, Alex on her arm in the most adorable little white dress. “You look so beautiful.” Spencer spoke with a heavy voice, his eyes just as teary as yours. You smiled, swallowing down the lump of tears in your throat. “So do you.”, you whispered. Once you had both caught your breath Dave began to speak, his voice echoing through the high room. “We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of (Y/N) and Spencer, two people we all dearly love. After months of watching the two of you tiptoe around each other with starry eyes, and years of seeing how the two of you work in perfect balance, it is an honour for me to be the one to officiate your wedding today. Do you all still remember when they had just started dating and thought they could hide it from us?” The team chuckled. “The warm feeling in our hearts we had while watching you secretly hold hands is still there up to this day when you bring Alex with you to work or take care of each other during long nights of working on cases. Each of us can learn something from the way Spencer looks at (Y/N) and the way (Y/N) supports Spencer through each new interest he decides to venture into.” Rossi took a deep breath and looked at the two of you with the warmest look on his face. “Marriage isn’t easy, trust me, I know.” You all laughed again. “But I trust you two. I trust your friendship, your eternal inside jokes you never explain, your care for each other, your parenthood to Alexandra, and most importantly, I trust your love. I know you’ll be there for each other through whatever our crazy lives throw at you, and I know you’ll master these hardships the best way you know how to: together.” You bit your lip and looked up, trying to stop the tears from falling. Spencer squeezed your hand in different intervals, and it took you a moment to realise that he was telling you ‘I love you’ in Morse code. “Now, please turn to face each other. Spencer Reid, do you take (Y/N) (Y/L/N) to be your wife? Do you promise to be there for her, to grow with her and to love her throughout your life together?” Spencer visibly straightened up, blinking away the tears in his eyes. “I do.” He spoke, his voice wavering slightly. “(Y/N) (Y/L/N), do you take Spencer Reid to be your husband? Do you promise to be there for him, to grow with him and to love him throughout your life together?” You nodded, getting lost in Spencer’s eyes for a moment. Of course, you were going to love him. Who else was going to put up with you? “I do.” You responded; voice hoarse. You could see Emily smile at you from the corner of your eye. “Then, I think it’s time for your vows. (Y/N), do you want to start?” You nodded and took a deep breath. “Spencer. When you asked me to marry you, I told you that I never thought I would ever meet someone like you. And it’s true, I didn’t think I was ever going to love someone the way I love you. I thought only people in movies and books got to experience that. But then you showed up in my life and turned my entire belief system upside down.” You stopped for a moment to sniffle. “Does anyone have a tissue?” Hotch chuckled and handed one to you. After dabbing away your tears you felt remotely ready to speak again. “I can’t wait to go on this journey with you, my love. I can’t wait to see Alex grow up with you, I can’t wait to do the Sunday morning crossword puzzle with you for the rest of my life, and I can’t wait to share everything I have with you. I vow to be there for you when you need me, to bring you coffee when you’re deeply immersed in a case, to elbow you in the ribs when you’re overdoing it with your fact spilling. And most importantly, I vow to love you unconditionally for as long as you’ll let me. I love you, Spence.” Both of you were crying messes at this point, and the only support you still had were your hands anchoring you to each other. “And you expect me to top that?” Spencer complained playfully, shaking his head and taking a deep breath. “(Y/N). My love, my soulmate, my person. Every day I wake up to your beautiful face and think of how thankful I am for you. I’m thankful that you put up with me every day, that you chose me to be by your side. For so long I couldn’t even believe that this, us, is real; until you told me that you were pregnant and suddenly everything I had ever wanted was right there in front of me. I know that this wasn’t how we expected to get married, but I’m starting to see a pattern in things not going the way we planned it with us, and I’m starting to like it. This is us, and it’s just the way it’s supposed to be. I vow to always call you as soon as a case went well, so you don’t worry for longer than you have to. I vow to stop talking while watching TV when you tell me to, and I vow to lend you my ear when you need it. I vow to give you all the hugs you want for the rest of my life, and I vow to kiss you breathless whenever you get home after a long day. I promise to love you, to cherish you and to be there for you even when we’re old and annoying our grandchildren. I love you, (Y/N).” Rossi took the rings from Penelope who was crying just as much as you by now. “Let these rings be a symbol of your vows to one another, a reminder of your love. By the power vested in me by the internet, I pronounce you husband and wife. Spencer, you may now kiss your bride.” He cupped your face with trembling hands and pulled you close, kissing you in a way that was probably meant to convey everything he hadn’t had the words for in his vows. You pulled away completely speechless and only then realised that the whole team was cheering for you. Spencer caressed the side of your face, and for one small moment more it was just the two of you. “I love you.” He whispered for only you to hear and you repeated the same words back to him, your own little ceremony.

“Thank you, Dave.” You hugged him tightly later that evening. Rossi had agreed to cook for your wedding reception and you were all piled into his dining room, the air buzzing with happiness and laughter. “I was happy to do it, (Y/N). I just hope I did you two justice.” You laughed. “Are you kidding me? You were perfect. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to do it. Now I can tell Alex one day that her Uncle Dave was the one to officiate her parent’s wedding.” He smiled. “I can’t wait for that. But, I think your new husband already misses you.” Rossi nodded to Spencer across the room, who wasn’t listening to a word Morgan and Penelope were saying, his soft gaze laying upon you. “You’re staring.” You chuckled after making your way over to him, letting him pull you onto his lap. “How do you expect me not to stare when you look like this?” He uttered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “You in that dress is nothing short of ethereal.” You blushed, leaning into his touch. “You look even better, though. Can’t you wear a tux more often?” The both of you laughed while you absently played with the new ring on his left hand. “I don’t know why, but this ring on your hand is doing things to me.” You secretly whispered into his ear, his breath tickling your neck. “Behave yourself, Mrs Reid. I am a married man after all.” You laughed and kissed him softly. “Call me that again.” “What?”, he grinned playfully. “Mrs Reid? I don’t know why I should call you that, Mrs Reid.” You sighed and rolled your eyes, basking in the happiness that was in the air tonight. “So, what’s next?” Emily asked the two of you over her fourth glass of champagne a bit later. You looked at Spencer, thinking over your answer for a moment. “I think I want a house.” You answered finally, watching Spencer nod excitedly. “Just, our own home for Alex to grow up in. Maybe with a garden big enough to play.” “Definitely with enough space for more children.” Spencer chimed in, taking you by surprise. “You want more? After Alex?” He pressed a kiss to your knuckles. “Yeah. I mean, I grew up without siblings and I was always lonely. I don’t want that for her. And, also, I don’t want to have a tiny baby just once. It already stresses me out to think that she’ll be running around in less than a year.” You smiled, and slowly your cheeks were beginning to hurt from all the laughing. “Okay, looks like we know what’s next.” Emily chuckled and clinked her glass against yours. “To more mini Reids.” The whole table joined in, repeating the toast in unison. “To more mini Reids!”

Most people think that getting married means giving up your independence, the end of your free life. But you were starting to think that these people were just married to the wrong person. This wasn’t the end in the book of Spencer and you. It was merely a whole new chapter, and you couldn’t wait to fill it with as much love as possible.

[radiant-reid]

have any plot (like cat adams, maeve, the shot in the leg in season 5, prision, his romance with jj, etc) that you find not interesting or not necessary?

oo i love this question !! i did it with all his trauma

tobias hankel (side note: i love the fact they used Sympathy for the Devil because i love that song) interesting for sure, i was at the edge of my seat and very necessary to his character development even though it was sad. i do think the drug addiction plotline could have been expanded a lot more thoroughly

held hostage by a cult interesting 11/10. i love this episode with my whole heart and he didn't seem too traumatized by it so that's nice

thinking his dad's a pedophile and murderer i think necessary for some backstory but again it's pretty fucked up for him

anthrax infection interesting !! not necessary overall, but i think it was a cool, suspenseful addition to the episode which is awesome

shot in the leg not necessary to spencer, necessary because of mgg. i'm just glad the writers didn't decide he needed to die or something

the whole headache/does he have schizophrenia thing i think this one's overlooked but it's so scary and sad for him, like he thinks his entire world is about to come crashing down. it did help him with a profile though

maeve not interesting, at all. i think it would have been much much better if she was expanded because there were a few tiny seconds and then a whole episode for her so i didn't feel connected to her or sad about her death like i did when Haley died, i just thought it was sad because Spencer was sad

shot in the neck love the suspense it added, love a mommy Alex moment, love JJ and Blake talking about Spencer having kids, don't love the fact they never gave him kids !!!!!!

dirty dozen/cat adam 10/10, so interesting, and i loved how much they made me hate Cat and the fact she kept coming back. the whole episode Entropy is one of the best with all the twists and turns, i just love it so much

his mom getting Alzheimer's why do they hate him and his mom ? just why ? it's so freaking sad and it's even sadder because he knows it could happen to him. totally unnecessary and mean. every other character got some happy family relationships with the family trauma they had, but spencer? nope.

prison still not sure how i feel about this in terms of necessity. i thought it was a really interesting storyline, sure, but its trauma rating is 12/10

JJ if you've been here a while, you probably know how i feel about this: i hate it. i love both characters so much but the plot of their hidden feelings for each other is such cheap, poor-quality writing

the whole 300 episode interesting and necessary !! i love how it shows how much he cares about his friends and Penelope especially and i love how it linked back to another episode, i wish there were more like that. i also really did think he was going to be a toasty boy

everyone he loves leaving him without any warning again, why ? we've got his dad, gideon, emily (worse because his best friend had to lie to him), hotch. this was so fucked up and i don't really feel it was a necessary trauma for him to keep reliving. is happy spencer too much to ask for ??

[themetaphorgirl]

Did Hotch and Alex receive best world dad/mom from the others kids ?

LISTEN THEY DESERVE IT 😂😂

[criminalmindsismynextfoundfamily]

Heyyyyy congratulations on 200!!!!! That’s amazing!!! I’ll do 🐬 and 🐳 both for hotch oops, and 💙 for (if I can use your example, I liked it haha) types of bread, 🦕 for CM season-long type characters, so like characters that were main characters, but weren’t on for very long, like Elle, Alex Blake, Kate Callahan, etc., 🦋 for JJ, and 💚 for what’s your favorite kind of weather and why?

I hope that wasn’t too many! If it was you can shorten it :) Congrats again, and I hope you have a great day! <3

thanks so much!!! it's not to much at all, I love answering asks 🥰

🐬: Send me a character and I’ll give you sad headcanons about them

Poor Hotch, all I do is make him sad...

Okay so we all know that Hotch's dad abused him. I think the tension we see between Hotch and Haley in the first couple seasons, about Hotch not being there for Jack, was 100% about Hotch's fear he was going to end up like his father. He subconsciously (or maybe consciously) distances himself from Jack at first because he's terrified of hurting this small fragile thing that they made, terrified of traumatizing Jack like his father did to him.

In revelations when Hotch asks the whole team to tell him his worst traits, he acts like he doesn't care, but I think their words stay with him for years. He repeats them in his head whenever he screws up, like a mantra to do better.

Hotch has long lasting damage to his ear after the explosion in Season 4. He didn't properly take care of it, or rest at all, so he definitely had some long lasting issues. Being deaf in one ear absolutely terrifies Hotch, when he was a kid he relied on his hearing to sense when his Dad was angry, and protect Sean. The first time someone effectively startles Hotch and comes up behind him without him noticing, it sends Hotch into a full blown panic attack.

🐳: Send me a character and I’ll give you happy headcannons about them

Okay I'll do happy headcannons related to the sad ones above, because hurt + comfort amirite

I think Haley and Hotch have similar dynamics to Penelope and Derek. When Derek says goodbye, Penelope says "You make me feel brave," and he responds, "You make me feel safe".

Hotch fell in love with Haley because she made him feel safe, even back in high school she would tenderly clean him up after a fight with his father. She was the first person he felt safe with. He and Haley eventually sit down and talk, Hotch confesses how scared he is of messing Jack up and Haley assures him that she knows he's a good father because he worries so much about messing up, "you worry because you care, silly".

After Mayhem, eventually the team figures out about Hotch's long term hearing loss, and do their best to help him out without making a big deal of it. Right after, JJ and Penelope will always leave him Advil on his desk after a case which they know has his ears ringing. In the field everyone always cover him on the side he has bad hearing. They all make sure to approach him so he can see them, or on his good hearing side so he can hear them. Spencer learns sign language and teaches it to Hotch. Hotch then teaches it to Jack, which catches on to Will and Henry as well, JJ learns for her kids, and eventually almost everyone on the team knows ASL.

🦕: Send me cm things and I’ll rank them

1. Elle Greenaway, I'm in love with her, and I feel like she was the only one they really showed having accurate trauma to the things they went through. I do have a problem with the glorification of her shooting the rapist, though. Obviously yes I don't really feel bad about her shooting a rapist, he's a rapist. But I'm not okay with it because of the power she held being a member of law enforcement, and how she abused that power and was allowed to quit without an investigation. Police brutality is never okay, even when it hurts the people we want to be hurt.

2. Kate Callahan, I loved her so much, she was such a badass and I loved her friendship with Morgan. She was an amazing mom, and I loved her goodbye hug to Hotch, he looks so touch starved smh

3. Alex Blake, she is so incredibly talented amazing, showstopping, intelligent. She's been through so much, and managed to keep a straight head, and even mentor Reid.

4. Stephen Walker, he deserved so much better I can't believe the writers did him like that.

🦋: Send me a cm character and I’ll tell you how I relate to them

I relate to JJ because I also lost someone close to me to suicide, and I think they handled that issue for her character really well. The guilt, the resurfacing memories of what things were up leading up to it, the realizations of all the things happening in their life you didn't know about.

💙: Send me a category and I’ll cast the bau ( I feel like that was confusing, but like I'll do bau as songs or like types of bread etc.)

okay I'm gonna do this in a separate post cause I think it'll get to long but I love this idea.

💚: Ask me anything about myself, and I’ll answer honestly

I love thunder storms, with super loud rain and wind and rumbling thunder. It's the most soothing weather to me and it puts me right to sleep. When I was younger my little brother was scared of thunder so he'd crawl into my bed and we'd stay up together so it brings me good memories. I also highly recommend lying on your back looking up at the sky during a thunder storm. It is so emotionally cathartic and a main character moment.