#How did I live without this for so long?
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Having an everything notebook again has in fact fixed the part of me that was missing an everything notebook.
#h2o#(An everything notebook is one where I don't have rules for what goes in it.#Like scratch work#stray thoughts#etc.#Things that don't have a place can be put in the everything notebook#and things that do have a place can be stored there if their home notebook is elsewhere.)#How did I live without this for so long?#(badly)
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I love how Gerald was trying to keep Shadow from spoiling anything about the future meanwhile literally everything Shadow says and does around Maria is the biggest death flag ever
#in fairness i’m sure both past robotniks just assumed her illness would be what killed her h a#sxsg#sxsg spoilers#sonic x shadow generations#shadow the hedgehog#maria robotnik#ark siblings#sonic#comic#my art#doodles#so this was pretty much entirely done 24 hours ago#but ironically was distracted from posting earlier by playing sxsg#and then watching snapcube play it cause her delight is addicting#i’m missing 2 chests and 2 bolts and I wanna see if I can pull it off without a guide haha#anyways now I’m thinking about the fact that maria and gerald probably went back to their time assuming maria would die of her sickness#and how that would change their respective behaviors#i bet gerald would be holding out that maria would still live a bit longer#just cause shadow inadvertently revealed he’s from at least 50 years in the future due to having met black doom before#(which rewatching cutscenes to remember this quote he Did try to play off a little bit with some sort of#‘oh what do you think the alien squid meant by ’this time i’ll beat you’ that’s so crazy’ comment)#so hey maybe it wasn’t a perfect cure but she managed to live another 10-20 years at least?#all the more reason to press harder surely!#meanwhile maria is coming to terms with her mortality at age 14 or whatever she is#frankly I bet she came to terms with it long ago the way she seems to be written#okay back to snapcube
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Lifespans.
(ID under cut)
[Image ID: A three-way venn diagram floating against a starfield. The circles are coloured; one yellow, one light blue, one a darker shade of blue. The yellow is the smallest, the two blue ones over double its size, with the darker blue the biggest. The yellow is half covered by the two blue circles, while it takes up a small amount of the two blues. The centre overlap between all three is labelled "the precious few years we three were together".
There is very little overlap between the yellow and the darker blue without the lighter blue.
The work is signed 'aerialworms'./End ID]
#star trek#mcspirk#star trek fanart#star trek the original series#leonard mccoy#james t kirk#spock#i drew this after that short film came out last year#I don't usually acknowledge ge nerations for my own sanity but it got me thinking about how jim only knew spock for 25 years before he die#bones for 35ish#less than half his life. and then they just had to live on without him#spirk#mckirk#spones#bones and spock knew each other for far longer together than they were with jim#but they came together because of him#their relationship after he disappeared must have been in some way changed by his absence#and i really can't get over the fact that bones lived for so long as well. like he got to over double jim's age when he disappeared#they all probably thought they'd be together forever#and then.#and don't get me started on bones dying and spock immediately leaving for romulus#by my calculations (yes i did a shitton of maths for this and then took artistic liberty with the diagram anyway)#(yes i was also using rough guesstimate and headcanon for dates and ages bc canon is so conflicting)#they were all three together for 25 years. it was 28 years from jim taking command to him entering the nexus#minus three for the pre-Motion Picture divorce years. 25 years they actually got to be together as a triumvirate. not fucking fair.#also please note jim was 60 when he entered the nexus. bones lived to be 141 and spock got to 161. they were all together for 25 years.#i put the k/s overlap as only a few years because i haven't watched snw and figured there were probably only a few years cumulative where#they were together without bones being around too#mckirk overlap is roughly 11 years bc of personal headcanon that they were friends before the 5ym AHH BASTARD TUMBLR DELETED MY TAGS#Please see my reblog if you want the rest of these tags!!!
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horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago
#I DIDNT KNOW I DIDNT KNOWWWWW#when i say damn thats crazy its bc i DO think its crazy i think a lot of things are crazy. like how birds have cloacas#or the way ppl draw a five pointed star in different ways and everyone assumes their way of doing it is how everyone does it#my brother is not letting me live this down btw he literally shouted at me like HOW DID YOU LIVE THIS LONG AND NOT PICK UP ON THAT#IDK!!! IDK I THOUGHT SOMETIMES IT COULD BE USED TO EXPRESS GENUINE SHOCK??????#he says its my delivery that makes it sound insincere bc i say it in a monotonous voice which when i think abt it YEAH....#THAT DOES MAKE IT LOOK KINDA BAD IN HINDSIGHT.....#and then i told him i keep a list of phrases that tickle my brain so i can remember to use them in conversation and apparently#most ppl dont do that bc he was like ???? stop doing that??? just let the conversation flow naturally it sounds fake>????#idk man i feel like if i did that and blurted out 'i forgot people find stuff like underwear arousing for some reason' instead of#smth like 'i wonder what kind of ppl find this kind of stuff the bees knees' like i normally do. it would. not go so well.#ALSO THE FLOW CHARTS ARENT NORMAL? i make flow charts before i call the bank or smth so i know what to say#its not just to blend in its also so i dont waste ppls time going uhhhhh as i think of how i put smth into words#its called stalling for time and i dont care if i have to say smth like thats just how the cookie crumbles if it gives me#5 more seconds to process whatever the fuck someone said without letting them think im not paying attention#doodles#diary#sona#puppysona#comics
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Me, watching some YJS fans justify what Shauna did to Mari by using clips of Mari and Jackie giggling in s1 (normal teenage girl things), or Mari speaking the truth and trying to take Jackie's jacket (even though it was the middle of winter and the group were already sharing clothes), with said fans saying that they've would've done worse to Mari in response, acting like that makes them any better:
#yellowjackets spoilers#yellowjackets#like this fandom continues to disappoint me#“she's traumatized” not an excuse especially since she specifically was targeting mari for the thrill and dehumanized her body after#something in which she hadn't done to the other kills mind you and then wore mari's hair as a trope#*trophy#that is beyond being traumatized and just shauna being horrific. it's okay to admit that#what isn't okay however is to dismiss valid criticism (largely from poc fans) about how dehumanizing it was that she did to mari#by saying “women can't commit wrongs” or “let women be wrong” when you know damn well that isn't the case#(or are you mad that you can't live out your violent fantasy thru shauna without being called out? hmm)#and all the reasons those fans use to justify it are just mari being 1.) a teenage girl 2.) being truthfully honest and 3.) worse sins have#been committed by the other characters like SHAUNA#when you bring up how shauna slept jeff and got pregnant by her best friend's boyfriend it's just “oh teenage girl things”#but when mari is also doing “teenage girl things” one which includes being shady and a bit mean suddenly that excuse no longer applies#largely bc fandom often times doesn't sympathize much with poc characters as they do their yte counterparts#especially if they're young#shauna shipman#mari ibarra#anti shauna shipman#if i ever said that shauna was one of my faves i take it back SO HARD#shauna's ass crying back in the adult tl like she's innocent....i need her to die#but watch the show give her a graceful send out bc it's the shauna show (even tho it's an ensemble cast)#it's kind of annoying to see these fans use lottie as a comparison saying that people care about mental illness as long as the person#doesn't react violently like shauna and while to a degree i can understand bc that is true#in this case it kind of falls flat when you take into consideration how in the show and fandom lottie and her mental state haven't been#treated with the same response or care that shauna has (lottie is beaten brutally while experiencing an episode by shauna)#and it's done dirty throughout the show until her death with only really simone speaking up angrily against how she's portrayed#(same people who are justifying shauna lashing out in anger regarding her trauma were the same ones who were hating on travis in s1 & s2)
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Please ignore if this is too personal but IIRC you were/are dealing with caffeine addiction? I hope you're doing Ok, as a former addict I know how hard it is so wishing you the best xx
thank you for checking in!!
i'm doing very well!! i haven't cut out coffee completely bc i really don't think i can (it's been one of my daily pleasures for SO long), but right now i only have 1-2 espresso shots and i don't even have it every day anymore
also remembering that i used to have 4-6 shots per drink, sometimes multiple times a day, makes me want to throw up now which is probably a good sign ajkdhdsh
#ramble#tw addiction#i've always felt weird calling it an addiction bc like. it was just coffee and it feels like bastardising a little bit#but i mean it was a habit i couldn't live without and it was making my life actively worse so i feel like it qualifies#the fact that someone checks in on me every couple of months is very sweet :'))#if you're asking how i was like. ok. during the worst of it#amazing question. i was NOT#as someone who already has digestive issues idk why the fuck i did that to myself sjhdhdsh#i'm starting my job soon and i'm a bit worried it's going to get bad again so if it does i'll switch fully to decaf#it's not even about the energy i just like having a fun little drink in the middle of the day#so if i have to stop having caffeine completely it shouldn't be that bad#as long as i have my syrups and my milk frother i'll be grand
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Honestly, I really really like this chapter and Uruha's revival. Maybe I read way too many theories as the story progressed from his death but him coming back always felt like a given, with Chihiro being brought back from the dead and Suzaku's reveal.
I've seen some people say it reduces the impact of Samura's betrayal (which is understandable), but it actually strengthens his character in my opinion. Him killing the sword bearers isn't done with the intention of punishing them; he takes it upon himself to rectify their sins. He makes his burden to bear alone, as we can see with Chihiro.
If that's the case, why did he kill Uruha? Why didn't Samura at least tell Uruha his plan?
He killed Uruha to break the Eternal Contract, and he probably used Suzaku to revive him.
He doesn't want anyone else to walk this path. Beneath the noble conviction is a man who loathes himself. When Iori briefly enters Samura's life and disrupts the quiet discomfort he's lived with since the war, he chooses to wipe her memories. He believes that a world in which he never existed is a world that is better for her, and it tells a lot about his character — he cut ties with Uruha the same way he cut ties with Iori, leaving without even an explanation or goodbye. In Samura's mind, it's better this way: it's better for Uruha to wake up to the aftermath than to fight again. Better for him to wonder why Samura did what he did, to even hate him for it. It's better than the alternative of leading Uruha down a path of violence again and sharing the pain of righting the sword bearers' wrongs. It's better for Samura to suffer alone.
#kagurabachi#i got scared writing this bc what if im just projecting and i got samuras character completely wrong#i feel like hes the type to ghost people because he thinks people are better off without him being in their lives#and i think hed be the type to do something bad to someone before he ghosted them so that they're left hating him#rather than being left with a feeling of “was there something that i did wrong that caused him to leave” or longing/missing him#because in his mind its better for someone to hate him than for him to cause someone pain/be the cause of someone's sadness#its better for iori to have never known her father#or for her to hate him#because to samura thats better than the alternative of her being harmed because of who her father is#<- am i just projecting again? maybe!#seiichi samura#i love how nuanced he is
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from another mother...
the day when Tess and Maria got shitfaced
#tess and maria appreciation#they've tried to have a girls night like this for such a long time so when miller brothers screwed up (again) well this happened#sooo i believe that there's someone in jackson who make pizzas on a regular basis or like on the weekends#it wouldn't be a girls night without 20 years old magazine full of dumb and funny quizzes#according to one maria is a cornbread and tess is a brioche#these women can't hold their liquor tho#tess tried to teach maria how to smoke but failed maybe next time#ellie walked into a house at some point but quickly changed her mind when she saw that absolute chaos#boys were at tommy's thinking (and drinking) about their life choices and “what in the hell did they do wrong this time”#they found their wives in the morning passed out on the couch with house stinking of cigarettes and booze so they are even now i guess#i think there's a revenge coming soon#that hangover tho..... ugh#tess servopoulos#maria miller#tess tlou#tess lives#when i tell u i started this in january but managed to finish it now in-between some other work... i wouldn't be lying
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Speaking of "The City on the Edge of Forever," I've been thinking about how my femslash Spirk AU winds out through the canon TOS episodes, interacts with gender expectations of the show, etc, and am mentally organizing episodes by how drastically affected they'd be.
I'm also thinking of S'paak hiding her ears beneath a beanie in 1930 :P
#s'paak and jessica in a piece of the action too! damn. i didn't even think of their mobster suit chic era when i was planning but...#still. poor s'paak freezing while trying to build a computer out of 1930 materials and also passing as fully human AND pining#iirc there's canonically only one bed in their flop (no really) and she's torn between staying as far away as possible when they sleep#(for lesbian angst reasons) or huddling near her (for lesbian angst + living space heater reasons)#i think s'paak is obviously ice-cold when jessica's skin brushes hers but she blatantly lies about being fine and stays 6 in away at night#jessica (exhausted but trying to think of how to convince her. suddenly struck by genius): i don't understand why you're being illogical :(#s'paak: *affronted cat look*#also poor s'paak not only has to watch jess fall for edith but keep them from smashing into homophobia in the usa c. 1930#on the bright side both jessica and s'paak look very cute and i think s'paak finds she likes the music of the time#it once slips out when all three of them are talking that s'paak is musical and when edith is like 'oh what do you play?' s'paak is '...'#and jessica promptly says: oh she's a wonderful harpist. the first time i heard her play with some - uh - friends i stopped in the hall#and stood outside the door and just listened because i was on my way to somewhere else but it was so beautiful#edith: oh how lovely <3 i hope you'll be able to find an instrument to play someday - if things get better. i really do believe they will.#s'paak: ...i hope so. (and then edith goes away and with some not quite concealed exasperation s'paak is like#i have never understood how you manage to manufacture narratives out of nothing. and jessica just says 'well it's easier#if you take something that really happened and change a few details. it was your lyre instead of a harp of course.#and not all friends but just the rec room on *makes a gesture obviously meant to mime a starship. possibly with sound effects*#but i did get distracted and stand listening until our... mutual friend wanted to know what was taking me so long to get to the hospital.'#s'paak: .......i see.)#anghraine babbles#fic talk#fic talk: the lesbian spock agenda#s'paak#jessica kirk#star peace#genderbending#c: i object to intellect without discipline#c: who do i have to be#otp: the premise
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Christian dating """advice""" stay away from me. Begone.
#'us women are too hyperindependent these days 🥺 we need to get married much much younger guysss 🥺#so we can mold ourselves to the lives we build with our husband 🥺 instead of those strict jobs and routines 🥺#it is totes God's will and not just a backlash against feminism 🥺'#if it was God's will for me to get tradwifed at 18 then why did he make me an ardent feminist who's uninterested in marriage#why is it still so hard for christians to grasp that some people aren't destined for marriage and parenthood#even my very christian mum is like 'yeah you're caring but not maternal'#if my grandma can accept my path in life why can't you youngins.#just say you're longing for marriage and stop projecting your personal preferences and desires onto the bible#I cannot stand these people.#'women need to be flexible and adapt to the men around them 🥺' how about we cooperate#revolutionary I know#rant over lmao#I just want to engage with my faith without being confronted by 'Mom 🤱Wife💍 Helping Christian Women To Preserve Real Femininity 🌷'#or 'Christian Dating Advice For The Girlies Stuck in that Nasty Season of Singleness'#ramblings & musings
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man. antidepressants.... good
#so the last two days have been mid. but i still did things and didnt feel like death for the first time in a year.#I'm no longer so anxious i can't look at apartments in the city where I'm starting my phd.#i got a short idea for prose today. i haven't had that in at least 6 months.#i have actually *wanted* to listen to music again.#i want to sing and draw and crochet.#i want to do things again.#i haven't existed without a thin film of misery in.... at least a year. but probably longer than that. much longer.#I've had one nightmare in the last six weeks. i used to have at least one a night.#and had been living that way for almost 10 years.#guys there mught be hope for me yet.#I'm still tired. very tired. but also. I've cleaned my home more this week than i have in months.#and even when i don't do a task or don't do a whole task. it doesn't feel like failure and like I'll never get it done.#idk. idk. it's imperfect. i am still struggling to answer emails and text notifications. i probably always will.#i am still a little anxious off and on throughout the day. but good god. it feels like liberation.#do you know how good it feels. after years and years of struggling to be alive. to one day get out of bed and spontaneously start cleaning.#without endless planning and days of hyping up to it or guilting yourself into it?#i noticed halfway through the day that i was just.... doing things i needed to do.#it feels so good.#i really didn't want to start meds bc i thought i had a handle on it.#turns out mild gad and some depressive symptoms it was not. it was full-on gad with major depression!#i hadn't realized how miserable I'd been. and for how long.#so for all that i was recalcigrant to try. i'm very glad i did it.#my god. i can maybe be happy. who would've guessed.
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does impulsive tattoo shock migraine out or do I need to waterboard myself first
#it will probably come back immediately as long as I'm n that room bc the fucking vape/synthetic body scent will not fucking leave no matter#what I do. I'm going to take my giant plushies outside when it's dry and sunny enough and HOPE that helps bc I need them to keep my joints#in place when I have to sleep on the floor and thankfully I can avoid migraines in my loft bed but that also means taco steve is banned to#the floor which was my fucking safe place and like. where I work on everything#I'm not going to fucking tattoo myself in a loft bed#bc I will keep hitting my head on the ceiling and it's not a good setup anyway#I'm already fucking sore from when the heavy table we do not need knocked everything off of this stupid shelf I wanted to replace :):)#like I am fucking begging my roommate for help but she's never here unless it's to ask for MY help and then I'm burned out from carrying her#shit up stairs etc and sometimes I do tell her I cannot do this you need to call someone else. and it's only fair that I get stuck w all the#fkn housework bc I cannot work but it sends me into flares where my JOINTS FALL OUT and I have a fever for days?? and IF she would just let#me go back on the one medication then I might actually be able to work again. but I can't elaborate on that bc I don't want to be completely#homeless and so now I'm fucking. I can't do anything and it rly does feel like death before detransition#how am I supposed to fucking live with this#like I'm just realizing this week that I AM incredibly dysphoric without t and I hate it so much but I'm. also putting the function of my#body above all else so it seemed like I just need this for my health. physical health. mental is a lot easier to deal w at this point for me#but genuinely if I did not believe in quantum immortality I would have found a way out#do I think I can or should give myself this tattoo absolutely not#but I can't work out and I need an outlet and I need the pain and mutilation in some responsible way#and also this makes me a lot less dysphoric so#as long as I don't go too far I can have it touched up later. or just scarification border I think that would be neat too#maybe idk actually I think that should be saved for doll joints but whatever
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This is the man who stole my heart
#val kilmer#val <3#he’s so sexy#he’s so charming#he’s so hot#he’s so handsome#he’s so cute#he has my heart and I want it back#my celebrity crush#i want him#i need him#i want to hug him#i want to kiss him#i would let him do unspeakable things to me#i feel like i’m showing a sign of weakness because of my crush on val kilmer#I don’t even like using the word love but for some reason I love him#I’ve had crushes before but not quite like this one#is this some kind of karma for me not like using the word love or is it a way to show me that I shouldn’t be uncomfortable with using it#I hate admitting that I have a crush on someone because I always feel weak and embarrassed#I can’t watch any of his movies without blushing#he lives in my head rent free#he’s the most gorgeous guy i’ve ever seen#how did this happen#how did i get here#I’m mad at myself for having these feelings#I’ve never had a crush for this long before#damn I really fell hard for him#I shouldn’t love anyone this much#I love him more than I should#i didn’t ask for this
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Did anyone make an AU of the series but Eugene still has what's left of the sundrop within him ? So the rocks would react to him instead of Raps I guess?
My brain keeps going back on it since those doodles and won't leave me be
#someone makes me a mini summary about this timeline rn so I can go to sleep#eryanbles#tangled the series#we would get to see raps trying to get used to deal with things without her long hair anymore#and Eugene trying to get used to the hair and his admiration for Raps just grows even more because#HOW did she managed to live with such hair for so long- its heavy and cumbersome and a mess and Eugene is freaking out#but cute moments of raps teaching eugene how to get by with it <3#also Maximus is so laughing at him the whole time#and so is Cass#and Edmund finding his son and is like 'wth happened to you' and he learns that Eugene died that one time#oh- I adore Cass but the idea of Prince of the Moon having the sundrop and princess of the Sun having the moonstone sounds kinda fun..#but Cass :( my gurl#Raps can still be main character but Eugene would have much more plot relevant time than he had originally#im rambling again I should be asleep hhhh
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ok yk what. now that i’ve had some time to process nghy canon, considering the current pacing of gen retcon, i think their next step is as ✨clear as day✨
i really like seeing them happy together, but i truly do think that they should divorce and either live the rest of their lives as single besties; partners in hero/heroine-isms, but better off as just friends, or go their separate ways for a bit and get back together when they’re a little older and wiser, staying together for good this time around, as each other’s first and last boyfriend/girlfriend
#‘haven’t you had quite enough of pushing your divorce agendas??? like with lxl????’ no. never.#idk i think part of their charm was nagisa’s patience and genuine earnest love for hiyori#and hiyori’s determination to achieve her goals of becoming a true heroine in every sense of the word…#but the current pacing is kinda… um. i really love how nghy is now truly canon ofc. but… it feels too rushed?#like they’re just checking off a box on a ‘relationships to go’ checklist?#and nagisa’s sudden second confession? in a throwaway line? what was that all about man… when did that even happen? excuse?#i think it’d have been more meaningful if hiyori was the one to confess without any prompting (to lead to their relationship)…#and. uh. don’t take this the wrong way but… noontea seemed a little peer pressure-y to me.#it kinda felt like juri and chizu were pressuring hiyori into getting a bf… it’s been eating away at me ever since i tried to tl it. but.#…idk. point is. i think a relationship built on those foundations (peer pressure/fomo and a suddenly persistent guy(???)) is doomed to fail#and so i think nghy should divorce. maybe they’ll reconnect romantically in a few years#(fulfilling nagisa’s agreement to be hiyori’s ‘last bf’ as well as having been her ‘first bf’ during their first try at a relationship)#or they could just be besties till the end of time; having been each other’s hero and heroine once upon a time#ik hw doesn’t do breakups of their main couples (not since nakimushi kareshi eons ago i think…)#but i think they should give it another go for nghy. maybe it’d make their love story a little more compelling#and maybe we could all unite under the cheers of hoping that ng and hy get back together in the future as more mature adults…?#idk i just. think the ‘right person; wrong time’ trope could work for nghy#like how it went in sukiuso/heroika with nagisa’s failed confession#even then they were the right person for each other; it just wasn’t the right time for them to date (personal goals/long distance/etc)#so maybe. this time ‘round even though they’ve started dating circumstances could still pop up here and there and maybe…?#…but idk~~~~~~~~ maybe it’s just the 5am thoughts or something that’s finally putting my incoherent trains of thoughts into words…#point is!!!!!! the current pacing is awkward!!!!!!!!! nghy deserve better!!!!!!! and their love story needs to be treated with more care!!!!#idk are hw trying to speedrun nghy for h10w bc nghy’s. like. a mix of different features of their previous couples#which would make ‘em the perfect couple to bring h10w together(???) or something???#but idk. im still really really happy the nghy is canon but. there are some mixed feelings here and there too…#idk dudes this has gotten way too long for its own good so ig i’ll stop here…#live laugh love nghy canon but… i still think they should break up for *at least* a year or so to reasses their relationship#sorry nghy… it’s for your own good i swear… i truly want you to be happy together!!!! i really do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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