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ethe-realfantasy · 2 days ago

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How Simon Ghost Riley falls in love with a civilian visitor… Part VI

(Slow burn, pure fluff, Simon is a big, burly, broody (less awkward) mess, a little angst?? maybe)

°✧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚✧°✧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚✧°✧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚✧°✧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚✧°✧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

You are still tying your apron when there’s a knock at the door. You yank it off, toss it onto the kitchen counter, and exhale like you haven't been pacing for the past five minutes.

You open the door and there he is.

He wears jeans, a dark grey T-shirt and a jacket that somehow makes his shoulders look even broader than they already are... if that is even possible. He holds a paper bag in one hand.

“You weren’t kidding,” he says, glancing behind you toward the half-chopped tomatoes and the basil lying in a puddle of olive oil. “You really can’t boil water, can you?”

You roll your eyes, smiling. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Simon steps in, slow and easy, like he’s adjusting to seeing you like this. You're barefoot, wearing a big T-shirt and capri leggins.

“You didn’t tell me we were having a full Italian war zone tonight,” he mutters, setting the bag down. “I came to cook, not perform triage.”

“Maybe.. some wine will help.”

"You got bourbon?", he asks.

"Mhm."

You pour your drinks while he sets up at the cutting board. There’s something ridiculously attractive about watching a man dice garlic like he’s defusing a bomb. As you pass him his glass, you linger for a second.

He smells like soap and something earthy underneath, like gun oil or cedarwood, and you have to turn away when he smiles just to catch your breath.

“You always this flustered in a kitchen?” he asks, peeking at you over his shoulder.

“No,” you say innocently. “Only when a man who’s seen actual combat looks personally offended by my chopping skills.”

“You were gonna slice the basil", he says, as if scandalized.

“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?”

He stops and turns to face you fully. Then he leans in, all his attention on you. “You tear the basil. Like a gentle lover.”

Your eyes go wide. “Did you just compare herbs to foreplay?”

Simon shrugs, sipping his bourbon like he didn’t just make you blush from forehead to knees. “I’m a man of refined metaphors.”

You lightly throw a dishtowel at him. He catches it immediately and you wish you hadn't done that just now, because the way his hands move when he grabs the towel feels like this is a man who knows how to touch. It does something to you and you quickly push that thought away.

You move around each other like magnets and glass. Sometimes you're bumping shoulders and sometimes you're too close, pretending you aren't. By the time you sit down at the tiny table with plates of pasta and parmesan snowing across your dishes, you feel warm.

Not from the food, but from... this.

From him. Here. From the sound of your quiet forks clinking. From the smirk he hides when you say something sarcastic. The way he watches you when you think he’s not. And the way he looks at your mouth when you lick a drop of wine off your lip. You don’t say anything about it. Not yet.

Then he leans back in his chair and says, low and almost too casual, “You cook like someone who needs supervision."

You immediately raise an eyebrow. “And you eat like someone who wants to be invited back.”

He huffs a short laugh and doesn’t deny it.

You finish eating too quickly, like neither of you really wanted it to end. You stand first, stacking plates with a practiced wobble. Simon’s already behind you before you can reach the sink.

“You cooked,” you say. “Let me at least do the dishes.”

“You barely survived the prep,” he replies, reaching around you to turn on the tap. “I’ll supervise again. Make sure no dishes are harmed.”

You elbow him gently. “You’re starting to sound like you like telling me what to do.”

“Only in the kitchen,” he murmurs.

You turn slowly, meeting his eyes with the slightest smirk. You try to hide how much his voice in your ear is doing to you. “Lucky me", you say quietly.

The space is too small for the two of you not to keep bumping elbows, brushing shoulders and laughing too softly at nothing. You rinse, Simon's drying. At one point, your hand grazes his when you pass him a glass. It lingers.

When you turn to reach for the dish soap, he doesn’t step back. He’s behind you again, close enough that you can feel the heat from his chest, his arms on either side as he leans to grab the sponge. His voice is right beside your cheek.

“You know,” he says, quietly, “I’m starting to think you planned all this. Invite me over, make a complete mess in the kitchen just so we’d end up doing this together.”

You don’t turn around. Instead, you smile at the cabinet door in front of you. “Would that be so bad?”

Simon doesn’t answer. He just hums and steps away like it took effort.

By the time you finish, the kitchen is still a little messy but you're both flushed from the heat, from the nearness, from how aware you are of each other. The intensity of it.

You dry your hands. “Sofa?”, you suggest.

Simon looks around, like he has to reorient himself. Then nods. “Yeah. That sounds good.”

The living room feels quieter now, like the air is different. It's softer, calmer even. You sit on one side of the couch and he takes the other, you're close, but not too close. There’s still space between you, but also none at all.

The TV murmurs something forgettable. Your legs are tucked under you, his arm draped across the back of the sofa. Every now and then, you glance at each other at the same time and look away with half-smiles. Eventually, you sink further into the cushions, your head leans a little toward him. He doesn’t move away. If anything, he shifts, just slightly, so his hand brushes your shoulder.

It's a quiet offer, but you say anything. But you don't move either. Instead you close your eyes, warm and full and safe.

The TV continues its quiet ramble in the background. You put on some documentary you're both pretending to pay attention to. But really, it’s just sound. Neither of you has spoken for a few minutes, but it isn’t awkward. It's just quiet in a way that feels rare... precious.

Simon’s hand is still resting along the back of the couch, fingers just barely brushing your shoulder now and then when either of you shifts. You can feel the weight of him beside you, solid and real, and even though you aren’t touching in any proper sense, his presence feels… grounding. Warm.

You stretch your legs out a little, sighing without meaning to.

“Long day?” he asks, low, like he doesn’t want to disturb the atmosphere.

You nod, barely turning your head. “Mhm. Long week.”

He glances down, studies you in the soft light. “Y’wanna—?” His voice falters just for a second, then it steadies. “You can lean on me, if you want.”

You look up at him, not startled, not even really surprised, just searching. Then you nod once. Heart racing uncontrollably.

Without a word, you shift just slightly toward him. Your shoulder brushes against his chest and then your head finds a place just beneath his collarbone. He adjust instinctively, arm curling around you so naturally, it feels like it was always meant to be there. You exhale a small, releasing breath and settle into him. His warmth surrounds you, his breath steady. He's close enough for you to hear his heartbeat.

Neither of you speaks for a while.

Eventually, you murmur, “You’re really comfortable, you know.”

He huffs a quiet laugh. “Riley thinks so too.”

You smile into his shirt. “I believe that.”

His fingers rest lightly against your arm, not moving, just resting there. Your eyes flutter closed for a moment and he stares ahead, not seeing anything on the screen.

He's only feeling. He's feeling your weight against him. The way you relaxed. The trust it must have taken for you to do that.

And somehow this feels more intimate than anything that’s happened between you two so far. He leans his head back against the sofa, letting his cheek rest against your hair. Then he slowly closes his eyes.

The screen eventually fades into black. Neither of you moves.

It’s quiet now. A different kind of quiet than earlier: not filled with nerves or unspoken questions. Just… settled. Easy. You breathe slowly, curled into Simon’s side. His hand has found a steady rhythm, his thumb brushing lazy arcs along you upper arm. The kind of touch that doesn’t ask for anything.

You stir a little, just enough to glance up at him.

“You still awake?”, you ask sleepily.

A low hum comes from his chest. “Barely.”

A smile tugs at your lips. “You know I didn’t really care about that documentary, right?”

He huffs softly. “Didn’t think you were watchin’.”

“You neither.”

He doesn’t respond right away. “Wasn’t the most interesting thing in the room", he finally says.

That earns him a gentle nudge from your shoulder. “Careful, Lieutenant, I might think you're flirting with me.”

His mouth quirks. “Just observin’.”

You laugh sleepily, soft and tired and real. Then you lay your head back down. “You’re not so bad at this, you know."

He raises a brow. “At what?”

“This.", you say adjusting yourself in his arms. "Not ghosting.”

That gets him to chuckle. “Could’ve told you that weeks ago.”

You let that sit between you. Warm and safe.

Outside, the city’s starting to settle down for the night. Headlights crawl quietly past your apartment window. Inside, the quiet grows just a little heavier. Not uncomfortable, just weighted with time... with how late it’s gotten.

Simon glances at his watch. He sighs, barely audible. “I should probably let you get some sleep.”

You hesitate at first, your fingers curl slightly where they rest against his chest.

“Yeah…” you say. “Probably.”

But neither of you moves. Eventually, when the clock ticks past midnight and you both stir from the quiet pull of drowsiness, Simon finally moves. He's gentle, slow. He doesn’t say much, he doesn’t need to. He just stands, stretches and takes a breath that sounds like reluctance.

At the door, you walk him out. Your voices are soft now, like you're afraid to break the moment.

“I’ll see you soon?” you say, taking his hand without even thinking.

He nods, not letting go of your hand. “Yeah. Soon.”

And just before Simon turns to go, he hesitates. He leans in and pulls you in, slowly, delicately, strong arms holding you up. You're breathing in his scent. He smells so... domestic. All warm and sleepy.

He pulls away, eyes holding yours a moment longer before he gently presses a soft kiss on your lips. Then he disappears into the night. You linger in the doorway. The warmth of him still on your skin.

Then you close the door softly behind you.

—————

Simon’s already been up for hours. Packed, briefed, cleared. There’s a stiffness in his movements, a kind of silent readiness that kicks in whenever a mission’s called. No room for hesitation. No time for softness. But then there’s you.

The message sits drafted on his phone longer than he wants to admit. He's staring at it, editing it, then deleting it, rewriting it.

He can’t say anything specific. Can’t give you time, place, or context. Nothing that would break protocol. But dammit, he wants to tell you something that sounds better than this.

In the end, he sends what he’s allowed to:

Got called in. Will be off-grid for a bit. Nothing to worry about. Back in two weeks, give or take. Talk soon.

Dry. Sparse. Efficient. Like everything else in his world. But even then, his thumb hovers above the screen. He finally adds one more line.

Take care of yourself, sweetheart.

And then he hits send.

—————

You're standing in the kitchen when your phone buzzes, hair half-done, a hot cup of tea in your hand. You read the message once and then again. It’s everything and nothing all at once.

Your fingers tighten around the mug and your heart does something in your chest. It's not panic, not exactly. But something deeper. Something you hadn’t let yourself think too hard about.

Two weeks.

You know what that means... and what it could mean.

Still… your thumb brushes over the message and you smile, just faintly.

He called you sweetheart. Twice now.

You don't write back immediately. What can you say anyway? Instead, you close your eyes and breathe slowly. Then you open your calendar and cross off the next two weeks.

He’ll be back.

—————

Day 3

You tell yourself you're fine. Because ultimately you are.

You get up early, dress well, answer every email at the firm with impressive precision. You smile at coworkers and laugh at the right moments in meetings. You even remember to water the plants in your office.

You are fine.

But later, while you're stirring a pot of pasta, you glance at your phone on the counter. Still no new messages, not that you expected any. You told yourself you wouldn’t.

Still, you turn the volume up. Just in case.

—————

Day 5

Amidst a hectic work day you pass a coffee shop window and slow just enough to remember the first time you and Simon ran into each other. How Riley immediately cuddled up on you, Simon standing next to you, awkwardly polite, but somehow already familiar.

You don’t go in. You don't want to haunt the memory.

Instead, you smile to yourself and keep walking. A little lighter. A little warmer. Your work day still ahead of you.

—————

Day 8

You dream of him.

It's nothing dramatic, no “rush-into-battle” kind of dream. It's just a hazy scene: the two of you in your apartment, laughing about something you can’t recall. His shoulder brushing yours and that feeling of quiet safety.

You wake up confused.

"Now you're in my dreams?", you mutter to yourself.

You close your eyes again and let the ghost of the dream settle over you like a blanket.

—————

Day 10.

Your coworker friend notices somethings off.

“Okay, who is he?” Emma asks over lunch, raising a brow.

You shrug. “No one. I mean… not really. He’s just... he’s on a mission. Military.”

“Oof. That’s rough. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just… I don’t know. I don’t really know him that well. It’s only been a few weeks. I don't understand why it would gnaw at me like that.”

But when Emma changes the subject, you find yourself zoning out, imagining how he’d look in civilian clothes again. Or how he’d wrinkle his nose slightly when he couldn’t find the words.

You bite the inside of your cheek and remind yourself this is ridiculous.

—————

Day 12

The sting is quieter now. But... sharper, too. It's not a gaping wound, just a little pull every time you finish your day and don’t get a text from him.

It's not because you need it.

But because you'd like it.

—————

Day 14

You wake up with a small flutter in your chest, because you know he might come back today.

You don’t text first, because you don't want to seem too eager.

But your outfit is… slightly more thoughtful than usual. And your phone stays closer to your hand than you want to admit.

It’s not because you're missing him... you're just... looking forward. Like a teenage crush that never got out of hand, but might be about to.

—————

Day 16

By now, you have perfected the art of not looking at your phone. Which is to say, you still check it. Often. But you do it casually, without meaning to, as if your fingers have their own secret routine.

Nothing. No message. Not from him.

You tell yourself maybe it’s longer than two weeks. Maybe they extended his mission. Or maybe his phone died. Or he just forgot.

He’s not obligated to reach out.

But still...

You make your coffee slower than usual that morning.

You decide on a soft navy sweater, because you know it brings out your eyes, even though no one really notices on this random Thursday.

It’s barely after 5pm when your coworker Lauren stops by your office, cradling a too-sweet latte and leaning against the doorframe.

“Hey,” Lauren says casually. “Is it just me or is your giant boyfriend missing in action?”

You blink, caught off guard. “My what?”

Lauren grins. “You know. The mountain of a man who’s usually standing outside like some kind of broody knight on Thursdays. Haven’t seen him in a while.”

You lift your bag, trying to hide your smile behind it. “He’s… not my boyfriend", you say, packing up your things.

“Sure,” Lauren says, eyes dancing.

You just roll your eyes at her, grinning.

After a few minutes, you're finally on your way home. As you walk to your car, you pretend not to notice. You pretend it’s just another Thursday. But in your chest, there’s this ache like a held breath, because he always waited for you on Thursdays.

And this time, he isn’t there.

—————

The hum of the aircraft is low and constant, a dull vibration Simon had long since grown used to. His gear is packed, his body bruised in all the usual places.

His mind is somewhere else entirely.

Two weeks and a bit. No contact. No softness. No you.

He leans back against the seat, his arms folded and his eyes half-closed. He is trying not to overthink.

Simon is trying to play it cool in his own head, even though he already knows how badly he’d messed this part up. He should’ve found a way to reach out to you. Maybe he should've told you something more than “Gone for a bit. Take care of yourself".

But it had all been fast. Rough terrain and no signals. And truth be told, it scares the hell out of him how much he wanted to write you. To say more than he did. To ask you to wait for him.

And now, on his way back to the city, all he can think about is what he should do first.

Would you be angry at him? Hurt even? Would you think he just ghosted you?

He mentally shakes his head and lets out a breath through his nose.

You're not like that, he reminds himself. You get it.

Still… he doesn't want you to have to get it. He just wants to be there.

A small smile twitches at the corner of his mouth despite himself. He can still see your face the last time he kissed you. You were all soft and stunned and a little breathless. He’d never seen anything like you. He never felt anything like this. And when he finally makes it back, he isn't going to waste another moment pretending this was casual. Pretending that he didn’t want this.

First he is going home to take a shower and change. Then he’d go straight to you.

—————

You aren't expecting anyone.

It is late, just past ten and the street below is quiet, except for the occasional hum of a car sliding by in the wet dark. You stand in your kitchen, half-distracted, sipping lukewarm tea you forgot to finish.

Your phone lays silent on the counter. Still no word from him. It's already been seventeen days.

And while you tell yourself it is fine, that he is fine, there's still that ache. That strange, fluttery ache that presses against your chest. It's ridiculous, you tell yourself. How could you have grown so fond of him in this short time you two knew each other? It's only been a few months.

You're just placing the mug in the sink when you hear three soft knocks on your apartment door. You freeze.

It's late. Who could it possibly be? Your heart hopes before you can help it and you cross the floor barefoot, quick and quiet. Then you peer through the peephole, cautiously.

Your hand flies to your mouth.

It is him.

He‘s standing there, shoulders slightly slouched, a black hoodie pulled over his broad frame, the hood halfway down. His eyes are shadowed but alive. He looks alert, hopeful and exhausted.

Your hands tremble as you unlock the door and open it. He blinks at you.

“…Hey,” he says softly, voice hoarse and low.

You stare up at him, heart now positively hammering in your ribs.

“You’re... back?,” you whisper.

He gives a crooked little nod, then rubs the back of his neck. “I’m sorry,” he says. “We were off the grid. No signal. No comms. Nothing.”

Your eyes widen slightly, your breath catching.

“I would’ve messaged you,” he says quickly, his voice suddenly tighter. “Soon as I got back. But I..” He looks down for a second, then back up at you. “I didn’t want to send some half-arsed text. So I came here. Wanted to tell you that in person.”

You just stand there, your pulse roaring in your ears. Simon is standing in your doorway like something out of a fever dream.

“I’m really sorry for how it turned out", he says.

Your lips part, the air catching in your throat.

“You came straight here?” you ask quietly.

He nods. “Dropped my bag. Did stop for a shower though.”

A breathy laugh escapes you, half shocked, half relieved.

Simon takes a step closer. He doesn't step into your apartment, he's just close enough to feel your warmth.

“I didn’t know if it was too late, or if… you’d be mad.”

You look at him, your expression soft. “No,” you whisper. “No, I’m not mad.”

And maybe it was the way you say it or how your fingers clutch the door just a little tighter.

But Simon’s voice drops even lower.

“I missed you", he says quietly, more to himself.

You blink fast, unsure if you heard him correctly. Then you step forward, slowly. You don't throw yourself into his arms. You just look up at him and reach for his hand.

“I missed you too,” you say.

And that was it: Whatever wall had been there just gave way. Simon lets out a quiet breath, relieved, the last of his tension bleeding from his shoulders as you guide him inside your apartment.

You move quietly around the small kitchen, pulling out a loaf of bread, some cheese, a tomato. Your fridge is modest, but it has the makings of something simple. Something comforting. You don't want to fuss... he looks worn out, not in a bad way, just… used up. You understand the look.

“You okay with something quick?” you ask softly, glancing back at him. “I’d offer more, but…”

Simon gives a slight nod. He is sitting on the couch, still in his black t-shirt and fatigues. “Quick is perfect.”

He doesn't say much. He just sits there, elbows on knees, his large frame almost too big for the space, for the stillness. But his eyes follow you, like the act of watching you put together a sandwich is keeping him steady somehow.

You busy yourself, slicing the tomato, layering cheese, pressing the sandwich together. The silence is warm, not awkward. It's familiar.

As you hand the plate to him, you ask, almost hesitantly, “Was it… a tough one? The mission?”

Simon takes the plate, his fingers brushing yours just briefly. He doesn't look at you immediately. He's just staring down at the sandwich for a moment, like it requires more energy to answer than he expected.

“No signal,” he says finally. “Couldn’t write. Couldn’t call.” He pauses. “We were out there the whole time. In it.”

You nod, taking a seat across from him. “Sounds intense.”

“It was.” His voice is low.

There is something else hanging in the air between you. Something unspoken. Something about the way he has shown up tonight without warning, the way he hasn't texted or called since that message.

You let it go and just give him a soft smile as you tug your legs under yourself.

He takes a bite of the sandwich. It's simple, but somehow it feels like more than enough.

The evening drifts into a soft, shared quiet. You're tucked into the corner of the couch with your tea, Simon beside you, settled but never fully at ease. Not in a bad way. It's just… like his body is still coming down from the pace it had been running on for the past two weeks.

He ate the sandwich slowly, gratefully, and now his arm rests loosely on the back of the couch. He's not touching you, but he's close enough that you can feel his presence, solid and steady. You let your eyes flick to him now and then, wondering if he is already thinking of leaving, if he regrets coming here so quickly. But every time you look over, he is just… still. Present.

Eventually, Simon straightens slightly and gives a soft breath through his nose... the kind that says I should go.

You turn toward him, gently setting your tea down. “You heading out?”

He gives you a small nod, standing up slowly, almost reluctantly. “Yeah. Don’t wanna stay too long. You’ve had a long day.”

You stand too, walking with him toward the door. “I didn’t mind.”

He looks at you then, his eyes just a little tired, just a little too soft. “Listen.. I didn’t want to show up like this, all sudden,” he says. “But I...”

You nod gently. “You wanted to tell me in person,” you say, finishing the thought for him.

Simon nods once, his eyes lingering on yours. “Yeah.”

When you reach the door, you open it for him. The hallway outside is quiet. His hand brushes the frame as he stands there, hesitating just a little too long.

You tilt your head, a soft smile playing at your lips, unsure if you should step forward or say goodnight.

And then he leans in. It's not rushed, not certain. It's just a quiet motion, like maybe this was the only way he knows how to say: thank you, I missed you, I’m here now.

His lips meet yours gently, almost shyly. Just once before he pulls away.

And then he kisses you again, a little more sure now.

It was still a brief kiss, but when he begins to pull back, your fingers instinctively reach for his sleeve, halting him gently.

Your eyes meet and without a word, you lean back in, slowly, deliberately. Your hand rests lightly against his chest as your lips find his again. This time it's deeper, slower. It's just enough to say: I missed you too.

Simon doesn‘t move for a second, stunned by the warmth of your actions. His hand comes up to cradle your jaw, grounding the both of you in the moment as he kisses you back, taking full control of it. He's not greedy or rushed, just present.

The world narrows and when you pull apart this time, there is no awkwardness. Simon’s thumb lingers at the edge of your cheekbone, his voice is low. “I really wanted to see you", he admits.

You nod, eyes still closed for a second. “Mhm.”

A small smile ghosts across his lips. He lets his hand fall back to his side, and you step back just enough to let him leave. "Goodnight", he says as he turns to leave.

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zoshizick · 3 days ago

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let's talk about how many people are trying to diminish the complexity of ragatha and jax, who are arguably the two most profound characters in the show (including their relationship, which is literally dedicated two episodes, but more on that later). half of the fandom calls jax a complete bastard with no moral values. honestly, i think that's an exaggeration because, while he is a bit crazy, there are lines he won't cross, according to gooseworx herself. i won't justify jax; i fully recognize his problematic aspects, but what annoys me more is how the fandom misinterprets him. furthermore, we haven't yet had a full character reveal, so we can't say for sure what jax's motives are or how "bad" he really is. it's better not to form black-and-white impressions and to wait for the continuation of the series. i'm confident that gooseworx's craftsmanship will not let us down. there's really not much to say about jax; he's mostly been annoying everyone around him, and his deeper character exploration will start in episodes 5 and 6. however, even these first four episodes are enough to understand that he is a more complex character, and there are reasons for his actions. ep 4 speaks volumes; jax, when tired, is just as ordinary and unproblematic as everyone else. gooseworx responded to someone that everyone has reasons for how they behave, and this applies to jax, which was indeed the question posed by a fan. now, about ragatha, who has been called "hypocritical" since the pilot episode, simply because she doesn't always tell the truth (her lies, by the way, never hurt anyone, unlike the truth that hurt gangle and jax in ep 4). i’ve never seen gangle give a disapproving look when she heard ragatha's so-called lies. everyone has always been fine with her accommodating behavior; she is literally the most harmless character in the circus, and hating on her is just plain stupid and pointless. if her so-called hypocrisy could somehow impact a character's moral state, i would understand better. but it was the truth that affected the course of the plot, which came from her own mouth. ragatha is, in essence, a character who clearly tries to please everyone, even jax. in ep 2, we see her trying to talk to him in a normal way, even if she admits in ep 4 that she hates him but doesn’t want him to hate her. this phrase literally reveals the essence of ragatha. in order to be liked by everyone, even those who annoy her, she would go so far as to lie or behave exaggeratedly politely. i don’t see any problem with this; it’s her character trait, which is also part of her. what has her lie negatively affected? nothing; it was the truth that ragatha was thinking about. she said it to jax and gangle under the influence of sauce, which is an analogy for alcohol or drugs. and only after that did something start to bother them, lol. and how can you maintain a positive attitude with such a team? jax just annoys everyone, gangle and pomni aren't particularly positive (i don’t blame them), kinger has long lost it, and zooble behaves rudely toward everyone. ragatha is literally a hero among the others, since she has still kept everything inside and maintained a positive attitude despite everything. she is one of the least problematic characters, and i cannot understand the specific hate directed at her. i see her tendency to tell accommodating lies as a common way to avoid conflict, but not as something that sabotages the other circus members; that’s actually what jax does. the hate toward ragatha makes no sense; her behavior harms no one

#tadc #tadc ragatha #tadc jax #tadc bunnydoll #bunnydoll #the amazing digital circus #tadc pomni #tadc zooble #tadc kinger #tadc gangle

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jabber-simper · 2 days ago

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Let Me Lead You Out Of The Dark

Haru Sagara x Reader

Tw: mentions of depression, feeling alone, thoughts of death,

Haru find you crying out in one of Jabberwock's fields and he does his best to remind you that you have a life to look forward to once you break your curse.

A/N: I haven't written a fic in years so please bear with me 😅 but i just couldn't get this idea out of my head. I have my stuggles and i know i would be so in my own head if i was MC and i just wanted one of my favorite boys to comfort me. I hope he's not too OOC

Two months.

Two months were all the time you had left before you turned into an anomaly and most likely died at the hands of one of the ghouls you had come to befriend, if not being experimented on by the very accademy so promising your cure. Yet with each passing day nobody was any closer to finding out anything and it was draining.

Sitting alone in your room had felt like the worst thing you could do at the moment, the walls seeming to close in on you as your invisible timer ticked ever closer to the end.

With no mission requiring you and classes done for the day you'd gone to the one place you'd hoped could lift your mood, thinking perhaps the sunshine, fresh air, and generally cheery ghouls (Though really just Haru, your heart always soared at the thought of him) could lift your spirits.

When you got to Jabberwock the cheery captain was nowhere to be seen, in fact neither were Ren and Towa. Ren you at least figured was working a shift at the diner, but it surprised you Towa wasn't around, he usually came running to give you a hug the moment you approached the dorms. Though, you were sort of grateful he didn't today, much as you know you needed the company of others to keep your thoughts from spiraling a dark part of you wanted to just be alone, whispered that it was better for you to have nobody, because in the end, what did it matter anyways.

You don't remember sitting down on a hill nearby the dorm house, tears streaming down your face as your head fills with the dreaded thoughts of your own impending doom. For how long you sat there you couldn't say before a cheerful voice breaks through the dark fog in your mind.

"Gyahaha, MC, I didn't know you were coming by today! Just couldn't stay away huh? Well the animals love having you here if you want to help-" Haru cut off as he got close enough to see your face as you looked up at him through the tears in your eyes, the water blurring his shape to little more than the vibrant red of his hair. "H-hey! What's wrong?! None of the animal hurt you did they?!" He panicked, kneeling down in front of you, ready to check for injuries.

You quickly shook your head and tried to wipe away the tears in your eyes. "No nothing like that, i just..." you broke off as another sob broke through you, fresh tears spilling.

"Boo!" Peekabo chirped sadly as he hopped out of his harness Haru used to carry him around and moved to your side "Boo!"

You sniffled and oppened your arms, letting the little one come in close to your chest. You hugged him close while Haru moved to sit down beside you, making more tears fall as you realized how you were interrupting their day with this now.

"I'm s-sorry." You sobbed "Y-you're busy, don't worry about me."

"Nonsense MC! Peekabo's too worried about you and so am I! We won't leave you alone, not like this. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but you shouldn't be alone."

So you fell into a silence, holding Peekabo close to your chest while you waited for your tears to subside. Haru gently scooted closer and guided you to rest your head against him, and if you'd been in any other state of mind you'd have been blushing like crazy, but as it were, you were just grateful as you cried against his shoulder.

After a while had past and your tears had nearly dried up, you finally found your voice again. "I'm scared Haru. A cure is no closer and i feel like every breath is my last." You whispered softly, keeping your gaze on Peekabo so you don't have to see Haru's expression.

"MC, we'll find you a cure. You still have time and we won't let you lose to this. I won't let you lose to this." Haru comforted, but it was just echos of words you'd been hearing from everybody for months.

"Everyone keeps telling me this, but there's nothing. What if i don't get cured. What if i turn into a monster. I'm so tired, there's no hope anymore. I feel like I'm not even living anymore." You choked out. Haru shifted, pulling away from you and your heart sank, only for him to move so he was in front of you, gently grabbing your chin to tilt your gaze up to meet his.

"I know you keep hearing that a cure will be found, but that's because it's true. I won't let anything happen to you. You're too special to Peekabo." A small laugh found it's way out of your lips at that and Haru grinned. "There's that wonderful laugh. See MC, if you weren't living you wouldn't be able to laugh cutely like that."

"But-" You started but he cut you off

"I don't know how this must be for you, but i do know that you can't just give up on yourself. I will do anything for you to help you see that you are still living, and will keep living as long as i can help it."

"I don't even know what i want from my life anymore. This curse has consumed so much of me over these last months, i haven't even thought about what I'd do if it was broken." You admitted.

"How about a date?" Haru asked, grinning brighter when a blush appeared on your cheeks.

"I mean- with uh- depends who the date was with." You stammered out.

"Well i mean Peekabo already sees you as his mom so why not go on a date with his dad?" Haru winked and your face grew even hotter as Peekabo chirped a "Boo!" of agreement.

"I'd like that." You replied after a moment of composing yourself.

Whether you caught onto it or not, Haru did manage to pull you out of you dark mood, promising dates, before and after breaking your curse, as well as a promise to always be there to help you see that life is worth it and you have a whole lifetime left together.

#tokyo debunker #haru sagara x reader #haru sagara #tkdb #tkdb fanfic #my fic #tw depression #tw death #tw depressing thoughts

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eviemonroeer · 2 days ago

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The Monroe Effect: Chapter 1

Set during Season 5, Episode 1 of ER. Spoilers if you haven't seen the show.

Warnings: language, mentions of medical procedures/testing and patient miscarriage (canonical to the show)

WC: 1.8 k.

ER story belongs to original creators, just adding on my own original charter.

Taglist: @pleasecallmeunhinged, @rainmg, and @arigoldsblog

Main Story: prev | next

Snapshots: prev | next

The ER was busy this morning, a full board and a big group in chairs keeping all of us on the move. I had already seen eight patients this morning, but now that a couple of them had been discharged, I started working on the restocks Carol asked me to do when I got here at 7 AM. I meant to do it then, but of course, duty called.

“Oh, here we go.” I turned from my scrub pile, greeted by Mark and a blonde woman I didn’t recognize. “Lucy, meet Genevieve Monroe, RN. Gen this is Lucy Knight, third year.”

“Nice to meet you.” I said with a smile and put another pair of scrubs on the shelf.

“Gen is your go to if you need any kind of supply. She knows where everything is.”

“That is unless someone moves something they’re not supposed too.”

“She’s also great with kids.”

“Oh, come on now Dr. Greene. You’re going to give me a big head.” I shook my head and continued my work as the two walked away. I finished in the scrub room and went back out in the hall. I checked on a couple patients, got some meds for Maggie, and was about to check in with Mark, when Carter grabbed me.

“Mind helping me in Exam 4? Got a patient with hematuria.”

“Sounds exhilarating.” I said and took the chart from him. “Have you met the new med students yet? I heard there is a guy, but I haven’t seen him. I did meet Lucy though. She seems sweet.”

“Yeah, a regular old sundae.”

“Damn, what’s got your boxers in a twist?”

“Your sweet med student. And she’s joining us.”

“Oh, is Carter’s time as an RA making him grumpy?” I teased.

“Yeah, keep teasing me.” Carter huffed. "See what happens."

“You’re Genevieve, right?” I turned and Lucy had caught up with us. I could tell she was trying really hard to please, a fidgety aura coming from her.

“Just Gen or Evie. Either works.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Ms. Knight, why don’t you just observe.” Carter instructed as we reached the exam room. “I’ll run point with the patient.”

“Can do.”

Carter nodded, before opening the door. “Hello Mr. Zwicki. My name is Dr. Carter. This is Nurse Monroe and Med Student Lucy Knight. Do you mind if she observes?”

“Not at all.” The man said.

Since Mr. Zwicki was already in a gown, Carter began his routine exam and history before getting to the actual problem. “And when did you first notice blood in your urine, Mr. Zwicki?” He asked while checking his heart and lung sounds.

“Just a couple days ago. Listen this couldn’t be related to exhaustion, could it? I’ve been finishing up this renovation on a two-story in Oak Park.”

“Working long hours?”

“Needed to bring it in before the penalty.”

“I don’t think that’s it.” Lucy jumped in as Carter started checking the patient’s eyes. “Any fever?”

“No.”

“Back pain?”

“Well, just the usual from work.”

Carter looked down at Lucy before stepping in front of her to continue. I swear I saw a murderous look in his eyes. “How about weight loss?” He asked turning back on the doctor charm.

“Um, I always drop a little at the end of a job. You know? You skip a meal here and there. Is it gonna be much longer?”

“I’m gonna order some tests. We’ll know more then. Evie?” I stepped forward after trying to stay out of the line of fire. “Let’s get a CBC, coag panel, UA, and CHEM 7.”

“You got it.”

“Peed in this cup for you.” Mr. Zwicki said, hanging me the specimen jar.

“Thank you.” Carter said. “We’ll be back in a bit.”

I placed the specimen jar on the tray and proceeded to take Mr. Zwicki’s blood for the testing. I got everything together, ordered, and sent to the lab. A little while later the results came in and I gave them to Lucy, telling her to find Carter and fill him in. I checked on a couple other patients before heading to the lounge for a quick snack.

While I was sitting there, Carter came into the room and started going through his locker. He seemed a little agitated. “Everything okay?” I asked hesitantly. “Need a snack?”

“I’m fine.” He said, clipped.

“Carter......” I raised an eyebrow to him and held out a cracker. He rolled his eyes before grabbing it from me and taking a bite. I smirked, knowing the man to well. “Lucy still making you mad? You know you need to be nicer to the new kids.”

“I am nice. And I’m not mad. Just a little agitated.”

“Cause she’s smart and wants to learn? Reminds me of someone else I know.” Carter rolled his eyes and stole another cracker before sitting down. As he finished, I noticed some stuck in his beard. “Hold still.” I said and leaned forward, getting the crumbs off.

“Thanks.”

“You know, I’m really digging the beard, Carter.”

“Really?” He hummed, stealing my coffee mug.

“It’s a nice look. Rugged. Kind of sexy.”

That he did not expect. He choked before lowering the mug. I kept myself neutral, trying desperately not to laugh or stare at him like I had been since he got to work. It was the God’s honest truth. Ever since growing his depression beard after Anna left, he’d only gotten hotter.

Carter’s eyes darkened and he sat up, coming closer to me. “Evie, I don’t th—”

“Hey Carter.”

He closed his eyes and turned to the door. “Yes Jerry?”

“I’ve got a pregnant woman in exam 2, possible miscarriage. Carol started her but got pulled into a trauma. Do you think you two could you take it?”

“We’ve got it.” I answered and stood. “Have Lucy meet us.” I cleaned up my mess and washed my hands. Carter did the same, his body getting a little to close as he walked to the sink and his eyes barely leaving me until we were out in the hall. I grabbed the patient's chart from Jerry as we made our way to the room. I could see Lucy already inside.

“Hi Mrs. Draper, I’m Dr. Carter.” He informed the woman, offering his hand. “I understand you’re about nine weeks pregnant.” I passed him the chart and started my checks.

“This is my third pregnancy.”

“Mrs. Draper’s had two previous miscarriages.” I told him, having read it on the chart. I moved to the monitors.

“Mm. I see that you’ve been experiencing some cramping and some bleeding.”

“Spotting. I had some spotting yesterday.” The woman continued to explain, but it only made her more upset. “And it’s heavier today and I passed some clots.

I didn’t show it on my face, but my heart broke for her, already knowing the potential outcome. “BP’s 110 over 75, pulse is 100.”

“And how many pads have you used?”

“Um, one yesterday and four today.” She said as Carter checked her belly.

“Any fever.”

“No.”

“Any burning with urination?”

“No.”

“Okay.” Carter put on his stethoscope. “Let’s get a CBC, type and RH. Dip a urine and check an ICON.”

“Are there any family members we can call for you?” I asked.

“I’ve already talk to my husband.”

“Okay, we’re gonna do a few tests. Then I’m going to come back and do a pelvic exam. Then we’ll know better where we stand, okay?”

“Okay.”

“We’ll be right back.” I told her, writing down Carter’s orders on the chart as we walked from the room.

“Tell me when the ICON’s back.”

“Will do.”

I finished my charting and then went to prepare the tray for the pelvic. I drew blood and had her give me a urine sample to perform the ICON test. I let Carter know once the results were back, which didn’t look good, sadly. While he got the instruments ready, I went and grabbed some more sterile cloth, catching Lucy in the hallway to tell her he was ready. She followed me back to the exam room and we got started once I moved a privacy screen in front of the door.

“We’re going to take a look inside with this speculum.” He began telling Mrs. Draper as I handed him the instrument. “I need you to relax.” He began the exam and almost immediately I saw him quickly shake his head. “There’s tissue at the Os.” He softly said. “Ring forceps.” I handed them to him. Once he had them, I opened a specimen jar and held it up for him. He placed a piece of tissue inside. “Let’s get that to pathology.” I nodded and walked over to the other tray, taking off my gloves so I could write on the side of the cup.

“I need to check your ovaries now. Is there any pain here?”

“No.” Mrs. Draper said, shaking her head.

“How about here?”

“Uh, no.”

“Okay. No adnexal masses or tenderness. You can put your legs back down, Mrs. Draper.” I moved over to help her as she sat up.

“Mm, what is it? What’s going on?”

Carter sighed and took off his gloves before looking at her. “I am very sorry, but you have had a miscarriage.

I could see the women’s heartbreak on her face. “You’re sure?”

“Mm-hmm. The fetus was pushed out of the womb.” I passed her a tissue as she began to cry. “Your bleeding has slowed, but we need to observe you for a little while. I’m gonna come back. And then I’m going to do another pelvic exam.” He stood from the stool and grabbed his coat and stethoscope, putting them back on. “Make sure the bleeding has stopped and that the cervix has closed.” I moved the curtain blocking the door out of his way. “A doctor from OB/GYN is gonna stop by. Miss Knight, would you stay here until they do?”

“Of course.” Lucy said, her voice small as she to was trying to digest the news.

“Get some rest Mrs. Draper.”

I followed Carter out of the room, but stopped at the door, turning back to the devasted woman and Lucy. I watched them talk for a moment before I took the chart and ordered the pathology test.

My heart was sad for her as I checked in on my other patients. I was with her when Carter did the repeat pelvic, and pathology confirmed Carter’s diagnosis.

It was the last case we worked together before the end of my shift, which I was glad about. I didn’t want another moment alone like what happened in the lounge, it kept me to unfocused. And ever more so after I saw my talking to the blonde at Jerry’s “surprise” party.

Guess the moment was just my imagination.

How typical.

#john carter er #john carter #er #john carter x reader #john carter x female character #dr john carter #noah wyle #original character #john truman carter iii #john truman carter

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troblsomtwins829 · 2 years ago

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Jak and Daxter is such a great series, I'm so sad that it doesn't get the love it deserves. I mean come on! A transformed best friend/animal companion. The absolutely beautiful snarky back and forth between characters. The subtle world building hidden within the world's own language barrier. The utter lost history between the time of the Precursors, as well as the 300 years between the first and second games. An ENTIRE DESERT OF STUFF TO EXPLORE. How is there so little to go around??

I feel that it's partially due to the content itself lacking the context needed to properly flesh itself out. There's subtle bits of information that can be found just about anywhere, but that's just it. It's subtle. Like...really subtle. Like "We're not even sure we should be putting the effort into modeling this" subtle. If y'all remember the tapestry in the Oracle's hut in Jak 2 and you saw my last lore hunt, you can pretty much guarantee a lot of these subtle pieces of lore have remained hidden for years, and not for lack of trying.

Every sign in 'Renegade' says and means something. Every piece of architecture has purpose. You don't just design scaffolding collision THAT precisely for nothing. You coulda made it an invisible block and called it a day. The Lurkers have a whole history of their creation and various branches of their species that we don't see outside of the first game. Spargus had at least ONE other King before Damas. That music puzzle had to be there for SOME reason!

Who are the Metalheads, where did they come from originally? What are all the tunnels in the Precursor Basin for? And what, if anything, is the connection with the House of Mar and Rock Village? Is the Warrior the one and original Mar? Some sketches have precursor text on his sword, do they say anything and is the Eco-Sword Praxis uses the very same blade? What is the importance of those ruins in Haven Forest? Where's Misty Island? How many questions can I follow down the rabbit hole until it hits crack territory?

I feel like there's so much more that we're not seeing, that we CAN'T see. Which means I need to play TPL again. Maybe 2 as well.

I've just gotten my hands on some PDF's of the design bibles for the series. I'm going to read through both those and the strategy guides I have, make some notes, and go from there.

It's time for another lore hunt.

#jnd #lore hunt #i have not nearly enough time on my hands #but i'm gonna do it anyway #i love this game and this franchise #there is so much we don't know!#How much is just there and we haven't seen it yet?

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dr-chosenberg · 9 hours ago

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I was thinking about this and something dawned on me, Bloberta uses jesus and her father as reasons Clay should get a drink (iirc the specifics of that bit really isn't important rn)- But in hindsight I don't think it was actually about him. We see that when Bloberta is alone in her room after her interaction with her mother she seeks comfort in her flask. When she urges Clay to drink, she finally gets a man to talk to her, they get along well at first but now the conversation has totally died. Her chance at freedom is slipping through her fingers.

Herein lies a fork in the road. Where I think most people's minds go at this point is: Bloberta pushes Clay to drink to lower his inhibitions so she can manipulate him in to marriage. Bloberta didn't really have any reason to think that drinking would make Clay "open up" like it did either, drinking does NOT do this to Raymond.

What I haven't yet seen people consider: As I mentioned above, drinking is how Blob's deals with negative emotions at this point in her life. Do we think that it's socially acceptable for women in Moralton to go around getting drunk in public entirely on their own? When we see women in Forghetty's in the modern day they're almost always with someone else, the stigma must have been even more stringent in Clay and Bloberta's youth. So I present a theory: Bloberta's original intention with pushing Clay to drink was that SHE wanted to drink herself, not some sort of long game she was playing.

This of course does not take any accountability away for any events that transpired after, I just think it's important context. No one in the show, being fictional, should be defined solely by the outcome of their actions, if you know me you know I think it's also important to consider the well intentioned motivations behind things like Clay spanking Orel or the hunting trip just as much as we should consider how those things ended.

"Bloberta made Clay drink so-"

OKAY, BUT DO YOU KNOW WHY?

Let me explain

'Help'.

A very important word when describing Bloberta.

First, it is integral to understand that Bloberta feels torturously alone and unwanted. Her friends are all getting married while she has no one.

She isn't clever enough to help Censordoll.

Her own family leaves her out of the family choir.

And the only crumb of validation she is offered is from her mother.

“Why don't you help me out and… Clean your room?” Note even the slight pause her mother has, as if she doesn't even know what to do with Bloberta.

Next, we see her trudge to her room. And what does she hide under the covers of her bed?

A flask.

She turns to alcohol when she is confronted with how unwanted she is. But where did that draw to alcohol come from?

We know she comes from a home where she is ultimately ignored and seen as valueless by everyone except one person.

Her Father.

I have a lot of thoughts about Bloberta and Raymond's relationship (the one scene where they interact just UGH LIVES IN MY HEAD) but the main thing to get away from it is that she associates the act of drinking with her Father.

A man who, without alcohol, is unable to speak his mind at all. He drinks to better tolerate his situation and his wife, who clearly doesn't value his words or opinions.

But Bloberta is very receptive to her Father, she greatly values his company and his thoughts and she finds comfort in being around him. She feels like someone cares about her and values her even if she knows he can't change anything.

Notice that despite her desperation to speak with her father, to form that connection that would validate her, she can't even touch him because she knows doing so would break the frail connection they have currently. Her Father is so reserved that at this point, any unexpected emotional reach would immediately cause him to shut down and retreat. Demonstrated just by him closing up immediately after she told him she loved him.

So how does this affect Blobertas perception of alcohol?

Well she says it herself.

"I think it helps us to be better people".

This rationality was reinforced by the small acts of kindness her father would show her.

And we don't have any reason to believe she is lying about this because up until the night of the reception, she's experienced nothing that contradicts this belief.

Bloberta's reliance on alcohol can be seen as her reaching for a solution to her need to feel wanted. She knows she's left out, both by friends and family. But if she believes drinking can make you become a better person? Then of course she would drink, because maybe then someone will want her.

What does she say directly after that?

"My Father drinks.”

Further insinuating her belief that he is good and he is the main reason she sees alcohol as a positive force.

She thought it would genuinely help Clay.

There's that word again.

Importantly, notice her clear anxiety and tenseness in her beginning interactions with Clay. From her first question, their conversation began falling apart.

So what happened?

Just after the wedding, she was almost suave in the way she invited Clay to the reception.

Why was she so nervous now?

Well, in her eyes, this was her chance.

After an undisclosed time of having no luck she finally convinces a handsome single man to have some semblance of a date with her.

She NEEDS this to go well.

So she's obviously anxious and stressed, and that's showing, but she figures that some drinks will make it easier for both of them. She's full panicking because she feels it's just so normal to drink, especially socially, and she can't understand why he wouldn't drink. She has no frame of reference for that mindset.

Things are already awkward between them once they settle in, and its not getting better. So of course she is going to fall back on what makes things easier for her.

And initially things are looking up.

Suddenly Clay's more talkative, and more receptive to what she's saying.

He's complimenting her.

He says she helped him.

The one thing she wants more than anything is to feel useful, she wants to be able to fit into that role that everyone expects her to so that she can be of worth to someone.

She isn't worth it to her peers,

she isn't worth it to her family,

but she could be worth it to him.

This only reinforces her resolve.

This is it.

She is going to finally find her place to fit in, and everyone will welcome her with open arms as she finally finds her place in the role society has chosen for her.

But it's not that simple.

Things go south quickly, Clay doesn't want these things that Bloberta has to have.

But she needs them.

To Bloberta, those things are proof of your value. The value society, friends, and family place on you.

Who would she be if she couldn't attain that value?

We again recognize that Bloberta has a fixation on being helpful. Helpfulness is the clearest indication of one's value, after all.

After being turned away by Clay, she immediately returns to a default ‘helpful’ act, cleaning. Just like her mother would tell her to do. But this was still her only chance, and Clay had already told her she had helped him. If she could only help him again, then maybe she had a chance at the real value she craved.

Once her anger passes and Clay sobers up, she returns to him and paints herself as ‘helpful’ as possible. She's desperate for that validation again, and if he would agree to her help then everything would certainly be fine.

She is practically begging him, help becomes a plea for him to save her from the pain of her day to day.

She hopes more than anything he will accept her and make all her pain go away.

He does accept, but in exchange, her previous world view is shattered.

Drinks don't help you become a better person.

They just help your true nature come out.

#bloberta moral orel #bloberta hymentact #bloberta puppington

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aquanutart · 3 months ago

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#pokemon #pokemon sv #grusha #iono #snowshockshipping #aquanutart #not an update to the post but!! i was working on this since before i wrote it and now i finished!#so even though there are barely any actual pokemon in it... (shoutout to rotom and bellibolt) ...i'll put it up!#it's canon in the dlc that grusha was one of iono's original fans #and that her content used to cheer him up #..though it makes me feel kinda bad how he rips on her newer content LOL so i'm choosing to interpret it how i want #which is that grusha was one of iono's original stans but is just cringing so hard about it now #that he doesn't want anyone to know because he thinks it's 'uncool'#look i don't think you can be that fixated on what's cool or not without being incredibly scared of looking uncool yourself #iono is supposed to be sneezing because of that anime thing where you sneeze if someone is talking about you #but alternately she was just out in the snow with grusha #(btw sorry if penny is ooc here. i actually only know her from the tcg card because i (still) haven't gotten to actually playing sv whoopss #(and i haven't seen her in the anime yet either so i kinda just was like.. 'who else probably watches streams?' and included her)#i meant to make stuff about these characters back when they were just revealed and we didn't really know much about them yet #so this may be a holdover from that whoops

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chaosxcrushed · 1 year ago

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There's a certain CCCC summary video that we really, really like. We think it is a great video for people if they want to grasp the story more clearly, if they're confused, or if they're listening to the album for the first time.

That video being Chonny Jash and the Weight of the Mind on Youtube by W3tBl@nk3t. We think they cover it really well.

However, I'm sharing this for a different reason; they say few certain things that really struck with us until now, that I'd like to share with the fandom. Sometimes, we see people really just.. Miss the point of CCCC entirely, and I'd like to shine a light on what was said here. If you'd like to hear this for yourself on video, the timestamp is 35:57-36:45.

“..I bet we all could relate to that, they are the prime example of the side of you that suffers and the side of you that hates yourself for suffering:

The side of you that just wants to slow down and feel everything even to the unhealthy extent of not being able to do anything else(1), but also the side of you that so desperately wants you to get over it(2).

Sure, laying in bed all day every day to rot isn't healthy, but neither is boiling things down and invalidating your own emotions. Both are paths to inevitable disaster, and that's what Chonny is doing here. Keep in mind that the idea behind this album is being whole, and that means neither of these sides are entirely in the right or the wrong; this album is about inner compromise and acceptance(3).”

1.) The side of you that suffers; Heart. He is representative of Whole's emotions, he holds them. Your emotions can go haywire, especially when one's mentally ill and has no way of their feelings being validated. An emotional person like Heart suffers under the weight of crushing, devastating feelings. He wants to feel things out, have time to just process everything, even if it takes them days or weeks to get over it. It's not healthy, but feeling is what he does, and he wants to help because he knows he has importance. Solely focusing on just your emotions isn't the best thing to do, however.

2.) The side of you that so desperately wants you to get over it; Mind. Many people have been there, have wanted themselves to stop wallowing in their own emotions and just do something else, even to the point where you think feeling things out is unnecessary. This is also unhealthy, but not intentionally. Like Heart, Mind just wants to help, everything he does is in best interest. This is what he thinks will get them to move on the quickest; to leave behind emotions and focus on anything BUT that. Also not the best thing to do.

3.) This album is about inner compromise and acceptance; About being whole. Neither of Heart and Mind are right nor wrong. They have their own ways of doing things, of what they think will help their whole self out the most, but both are unhealthy despite the good intentions. They fight over who's wrong or right, when they shouldn't even be doing so in the first place. It's your thoughts against your emotions, basically; your feelings contradict your thoughts, and it leads to an inner war of sorts. This won't make things better, which is why you can't have Mind over Heart or vice versa; you'll need both of them. In the album, they are only able to be whole when they get along. They harmonize, they 'combine', they see eye to eye with each other and work together instead of fighting over and over. Inner compromise is achieved with this, and acceptance can lead them away from any disaster that there's to come.

What we're trying to say is that mental health is a large thing tackled within CCCC, and yet we see a lot of people who overlook it; thus, end up missing the point of the whole album. We see a lot of people believe Mind's perspective a little too much and treat Heart quite harshly, or the other way where people demonize Mind and say that Heart is perfect, when it's not really that in the slightest.

This is not a hate post towards people's interpretations of CCCC or how they view characters, I'm just saying that people can tend to overlook what's in the very narrative, and we see a concerning amount of people do such.

Anyways. Stream CCCC and put your Hearts and Minds in the get along shirt. Have a nice day.

#chonny jash #chonnys charming chaos compendium #cccc #cccc heart #cj heart #cccc mind #cj mind #mind chonny jash #heart chonny jash #I did not mention Soul once in this post. I am so sorry to all of the Soul enjoyers #whole was technically mentioned but this is not about him. so sorry to the Whole enjoyers as well #we rreally really really like this CCCC video #a lot #it does a great job at explaining things and is fairly good for an unbiased telling of the story #to reiterate though this is not a hate post #it's just a bit frustrating to see how many people say that mind is right or heart is right #but no.. that is not the point of cccc #and it's even in tse as well. the line 'neither is right yet neither is wrong'#personally we are big fans of heart and will defend him since he gets so mischaracterized #but we know and acknowledge that he isn't 100% correct and can be wrong for what he wants to do and has done #we love Heart but he did not have to pull that gun.#also. more justice for characters who make mistakes but aren't automatically super evil because they're just human.#we've seen how people lack that understanding in the fandom </3 #hmsw are so incredibly flawed in a relatable way with such good writing #we feel like people overlook that so much #this post was scary to make but #we're doing it #here goes #CxC rambling and yapping #we haven't posted purely text posts in a while please don't come for our heads c4 fandom

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welcometogrouchland · 4 months ago

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I'm going to be so real I do not understand tim & steph shippers who feel that Steph dating Tim again would save her character. You can make an argument that giving Tim a more compelling love interest would be beneficial for him! And you can at least make an argument that the fujo mischaracterization of Steph would stop. However she'd still, inevitably, be treated as a prop character/extension for someone more popular 😭 it also wouldn't make her appear in more books! Tim doesn't have many frequent appearances at the moment either! You can just say you like the couple and want them back together without acting like you have some kind of moral stance

#ramblings of a lunatic #dc comics #dc #NOT character tagging. for reasons j feel are obvious #honestly i shouldn't even be posting this here I'm responding more to twitter sentiments but they'd cook me on there if i posted this #anyway sometimes i think ppl (again the twt ppl specifically. tumblr timsteph fans mostly normal) are doing that thing-#-where you get so deep into a hyper online discourse cycle that you end up reproducing mainstream sentiments from scratch #''let men date women!'' this is what some of you sound like when talking about timsteph to me /j #there's a lot to critique about how Tim's been written since canonizing his bisexuality!#personally I've noticed (and seen other ppl notice to) that some writers seem unaware that tim is bi #not in the sense of making him straight but in the sense that they seem to think he's gay bc none of his relationships w women-#-are acknowledged as having been. relationships #or if they are there's an idea that tim was using them to 'hide from his true self' or something #genuinely problematic sentiment!#i also don't really find the ''he should cheat on bernard!'' jokes funny #like lets bffr Tim's cheating was NEVER acknowledged as cheating he was seen as a good all-american boy #so like. bringing that trait back and acknowledging it as cheating ONLY after he comes out as bi? i get it- ironic homophobia but-#-i really don't like it!#anyway. close your eyes and focus on the daminika like the rest of us /j #or the stephcass jason dancing image which will live in my head and heart forever despite arguably being ooc as well <3 #bc it's funny <3 and at least I'm self aware <3 #also much MUCH more importantly DC POWER SPECIAL EXTREMELY GOOD GO READ IT FOR DUKE #and jace but i haven't read future state yet bc i tried and got. extremely bored 😞 sorry jace you seem really cool #but he's great in the story dynamjc duo with duke. loved it love them want more #special was sold out at my comic shop tho so i couldn't grab a copy. might hit the other shop in town today to see #BOOST THE NUMBERS WE NEED A POWER COMPANY ONGOING GANG #anyway yeah. tim & steph thoughts. you can just say you like them you don't have to do all that

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jack-of-heartstrings · 1 day ago

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I wouldn't even say "Mary Sue", especially as most people use it. She's not flawless; critics harp constantly about her flaws, in fact, even in the same breath as complaining she doesn't have them. She's over the top, but so is the world she inhabits; she's not uniquely ridiculous in her skills or achievements. (Ex: Max created sapient artificial life that helped revolutionize space travel when he was in middle school and he's a fairly minor character.)

The one actually-good definition of Mary Sue— a character that warps the universe and narrative to revolve around them— is one you "could" make a case for at a push, but I think even that's overselling it. The laws of the universe are fairly consistent, with things that might appear to be "plot holes" at first generally being discrepancies on purpose as hints toward bigger reveals later. And as a Main Character, I really don't think she warps the narrative any more than your typical classic shounen protagonist or western superhero.

Which is all to say, I think "being a Mary Sue is the point" is giving up too much ground, but overall you're dead right. Luck IS an inherent part of her power! And we've seen that Kwamis tend to resonate with holders that already match their domains.

And that can be so interesting if people let it.

Instead of complaining that things always work out, consider: How does it affect a person mentally when they're used to things working out, eventually, if they Just Keep Trying? How does one ever learn to truly accept failure when life teaches them over and over that if they just keep pushing harder, they can Fix Things. If they haven't fixed it yet, they must just not have tried hard enough, they just need more time. How do they accept things that can't ever be fixed? Like, say, the permanent death of someone who was important to a person they love? How do you handle that when your whole life has been lucky break after lucky break, and then you finally run into problems where your luck won't save you?

On the reverse side, look at Adrien, and so many of the reasons we love him.

How does it affect someone when their life is just misery after misery after misery, but through it all, they have always been deeply loved? When they keep losing the people they love, and who loved them— whether it's to death or a slower loss through growing cold distance and gradually warping priorities— but it's still better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? When sadness is the norm, when one is on some level resigned to the expectation of misfortune, how bright does even the tiniest flicker of light shine? What does that do to your pain tolerance after long enough? It hurts so much, and it makes you so desperate that you will lash out, of course you will. But how long can you stay angry, truly, when you've hurt so much for so long that the idea of hurting anyone else ultimately just makes you sad? When the immediate heat of your anger fizzles and you're left with the feelings beneath it, and all those feelings have ever really wanted is to hold onto every scrap of love you can get?

The themes run so deep and they make me unwell.

i think. a lot of people forget marinette has the LADYBUG miraculous meaning good luck meaning. she's very lucky in everything she does. everything works out for her because. she's lucky. the times shes UNLUCKY is because she's literally with chat noir.

chat blanc timeline? because chat noirs life is shit. lost all of the miraculous? cause adrien decided to switch with felix. had to watch her boyfriends dad die? chat noirs bad luck.

again. adrien's entire life is unlucky if you mean the sentimonster thing which lead to mother dying thing which lead to the whole evil dad thing... the GOOD things he has are marinette (especially in season 6), uhmmm his best friend ladybug. other things i cant remember.

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 4 days ago

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s8 episode 3 “patience” thoughts

we are back!!!!! it looks like we are going to launch a doggett and scully investigation!!! sad that skinner isn’t mentioned in the episode description, because i have been majorly enjoying his presence, but i guess all good things must take a break at some point. or maybe he’ll show up and we just don’t get to know beforehand.

and i hope we get to see mrs. scully follow through after that phone call we saw 2 episodes ago… PLEASE 🙏 your daughter needs you NOW

so! a bat-like creature, you say? i’m sat. i like bats, though. not as a rabies vector, but as an essential pollinator. but this one seems to be eating people… NOT COOL

i wonder how scully will approach this case? mulder would know about all sorts of bat-like myths, but maybe scully will take a more “unidentified species” approach. i mean, she might believe in aliens now, but aliens are not the same thing as vampires!

and doggett… i’m hoping he’ll continue to make strides.

next episode looks interesting af…

(post-episode thoughts: kind of mid in terms of monster of the week stuff, BUT fun flavors of scully and doggett development here! like YES, cradle that man bloody and broken!!! thank him for watching your back! stand up to the detective bullying your new partner even if you don't have a clue what she is going on about! smile at her exasperated jokes! wahoo!! yippeeeee!!)

okay! let’s jump in.

we open at night. thunder is rumbling. and we are in idaho. a car approaches the camera. a cadillac! fancy.

someone steps out and walks up to a big house. opens the door…. then closes it. walks inside. someone else wakes up in a bed.

oh! she knows this guy it seems. he says he was trying to be quiet. she claims she smelled him. LMAO, he smells like embalming fluid… he breaks the news that zeke mcpherson died. she banishes george to change his clothes so she can go back to sleep. also, her name is tahoma.

george notices something outside…. EAUGH! it seems to be hanging upside down???

the subtitles report the following: "hissing, gurgling scream, george screaming", which paints a vivid picture even if you couldn’t hear it going down!

tahoma sits up in bed… goes to find george… but hears a loud grunting and something eats her, too!! a scary gargoyle is their weather vane… is this gonna be another gargoyle episode?!

intro time. don’t be lulled into the familiar sound! we have new sights here. NO MULDER MENTION AND THERE IS FOOTAGE OF DOGGETT AND SCULLY SLEUTHING??? then more graphics... the baby… moon… mulder falling… eyeball… the truth is out there.

wow. a lot of stuff to process just in that short period of time.

OOOOOOH, we’re back in the basement… scully picks up mulder’s name tag. holds it. puts it away. while others outside remark that this is where the bad kids are banished to.

OH, doggett was laughing with those guys and then walks in to see scully… who just says good morning.

DAMN YOU, DOGGETT, we were making STRIDES in your understanding of scully and overall likeability!!! he says his friends were curious. “i’m not here to be a curiosity, agent doggett. i’m here to work” <- GET HIS ASS!!! why didn't he stick up for them?!

he says that he is, too… and that he has been here all weekend going over every x file. hmm... big if true.

he wants to know where she and him will sit… “this is my partner’s office, agent doggett. you and i will just be using it for a while” <- loud moaning with grief. she is convinced mulder will come back. and therefore that they cannot disturb his things. she puts mulder’s name tag back on the desk.

and she begins to do the projector slideshow that mulder typically provides. showing two homicides- death by bite wounds. fingers eaten off. bites appear to be human.

doggett is taken aback by how nasty this is.

“i have to admit, agent scully, i’m at a loss” “well, that’s a good place to start” <- ahh… at least he didn’t come up with some bullshit theory just to have one. i like a guy who admits when he knows absolutely fucking nothing about a situation.

and off to idaho they journey, with doggett driving. a guy named detective yates comes out to shake their hands, and he says he’s annoyed someone got the FBI involved but is glad for their help. okay...! getting mixed signals there!

doggett starts to say he is very confused on the whole situation, when scully jumps in with a disclaimer that this unit has handled cases of this caliber before, agent doggett is just new here. lowkey doggett shade. it's okay, he had it coming. but now they aren’t sure the bites are from a human!

he takes them over and they find weird footprints! this detective does not have a clue what scully is going on about, lmaooo. she says humans with four toes are “no more rare than polydactyly” <- okaaaay!! you know i loooove when she says science-y words.

DON'T like how the detective asks doggett for clarification instead of her. nasty. sick and twisted man.

this detective seems to doubt her. don’t. and our agents are getting off to a rocky start in terms of their different approaches…

AND THIS DETECTIVE IS A DICK??? he starts TEARING into her. “i’m sure your explanation will mollify all those hot shots down at the county seat, detective, and relieve any general anxiety about what this thing might be, but only until it strikes again. and one more thing: i never said that what you’re looking for is a man” <- well! he deserved that. if anything, scully ought to have been meaner.

i support scully in her "no longer holding my tongue" arc

i am a little worried that deeply stressed scully and new on the assignment doggett is an explosive combo waiting to happen. perhaps this is why the episode is called “patience”, for that is what they must learn.

anyway, she has noticed what looks like marks on the roof, like the bat creature was perched there.

doggett calls her in the house with his implacable accent. seriously, WHAT is going on with that? he has found a second strange print! doggett proposes that perhaps the creature came in through the house…

they are investigating the bedroom… LMAO at doggett thinking it could be a killer with a deformed foot.

“you’re familiar with the principle of occam’s razor?”

“yeah. you take every possible explanation and you choose the simplest one. agent mulder used to refer to it as ‘occam’s principle of limited imagination’” <- LMAO, oh those two are gonna be unstoppable when they are reunited... SIGH

why would there only be a print every 25 feet… a good question posed by scully

scully goes in the closet… looks up… calls to doggett… she finds a hole into the attic!!! she grabs her gun… he wordlessly gets a chair for her to climb into. upon doing so, she declares that it is dark. and he follows up behind her.

“you ever carry one of these?” (he pulls out a little flashlight) “never” <- OHHHHH, because that was always mulder’s thing…….. sadness overwhelms me :(

ACK! doggett finds the chewed off fingers hanging in the attic. scully thinks they were regurgitated…. nasty. and they find more marks like the bat guy was hanging there!!!!!

eeeeewwww.

next door, i think, an old woman- mrs. mckesson- opens a photo album, crying. while the bat creature watches her!!! and attacks!! so does he only go after attics?? or does he live in attics and then strike??

scully is in doctor gear, doing some body investigation. doggett is surprised she is still here. that’s just the sort of hard worker she is!

she thinks now that it might be a animal!!! because she found anticoagulants in the bite marks!! which are only found in bats!! she does not look pleased at this news.

she says she owes the detective an apology- first of all, not true- but doggett comes in clutch with a 1956 newspaper headline about a human bat!! now where did he go and get that? i guess he was a detective, so maybe he hunts for old newspapers on the regular to get insight on cold cases...? i have no other ideas.

it tells a story: hunters caught a human bat creature, and two days later the coroner was killed by something with sharp teeth and four-toed claws. hmm. feels like that is something you’d know about a small town going in. maybe they worked overtime to cover it up.

five men died or disappeared and then the killings stopped! and then came back 44 years later!!! and it ate the old lady we saw looking at the picture album!!

lmao, this bat creature looks silly af.

so at the mckesson residence, doggett is investigating the marks, and yates points out more, making sure doggett knows he doesn’t think it’s human. he is about to show yates the newspaper article when scully comes in with a break in the case. mrs. mckesson’s daughter died and was pulled from the river last week. the body was mangled and burned. and it was her daughter that she hadn’t seen since 1956!

detective yates asks doggett if he sees the connection she is implying… and he says he doesn’t. the daughter is the connection, she says. we need her body exhumed.

oh my GOD, this terrible man is YELLING AT HER, AND DOGGETT GETS BETWEEN THEM??? “HEY” he says and starts whispering… the jerk walks away

doggett... am i on your side now...? it will depend... what did you whisper to him to make him yield?

scully is not pleased. “what did you say to him?” she approaches with intensity

“well, i told him to dig up the body. isn’t that what you wanted?”

“what else did you say to him?” doggett seems uncomfortable, looks away. OH BOY...

“well, i-i told him that you were a… leading authority on paranormal phenomena, and who are we to argue with an expert?”

this was the wrong dialogue choice on his end: “look, i am not an expert. i am a scientist who happens to have seen a lot. i am just making a leap here”

“well, i’m sure you have your reasons” <- he seems to be tryingggg, but he doesn’t know wtf is going on or what to say...

“look, so… so what, you told him to exhume the body when you don’t even necessarily believe me yourself?” she is still mad!!!

he sighs. says he spent all weekend going through the x files. the ones that were solved all involved making leaps. and that he doesn’t break cases with leaps- leaps get people killed.

“well, i’d say you’re taking a pretty big leap believing in that article... about a human bat” <- lmao... she isn't WRONG.

is he believing the article? what does that indicate about his other beliefs? aliens are out of this world and unserious, but human bats aren't? or has he not really thought about it that hard?

sigh. i feel bad!! of course their first case together is going to be really difficult, and it does seem like he is trying to figure out wtf is going on- but he has no fucking clue, and i can’t really blame him for that. scully has been doing this for nearly a decade, and he has spent his career so far doing normal boring cop and FBI stuff.

and this terrible yates man is bullying her, and doggett is trying to stick up for her, but she’s stressed af, isn't sure how to solve a human bat murder, frankly has way bigger priorities atm, AND is trying not to lose her shit on doggett for the crime of not being mulder. the whole thing is just unfortunate. a very juicy dynamic, but it is hard to get mad at either of them when they are so clearly trying to understand each other.

but she is right: him believing in the human bat thing is a pretty big leap. where do you stand, doggett? he strikes me as a guy who has never had to ponder these things before. we shall have to try and give him some grace as he comes to terms with these difficult concepts.

back to the bat at hand. someone is investigating an attic, pulling down some bats, putting them in a cage. perhaps this is the detective? AUGH, he goes to a house with a stuffed bat on the door! dramatic musical flourish! is this our bat guy?

at the cemetery, the detective pulls up at 10 pm. he remarks at how good these grave digger guys are at getting their job done, but they say that someone else dug up the box for them- they just had to haul it out!

was it perhaps our agents? i doubt it…. the lid is scratched!! with what looks like 4 toes!!!

something screeches…. detective yates goes looking…. sees something in a tree… something with an eye!!! it jumps out like a flying squirrel and rips him open!!! he runs a little bit and it launches again!!! did the guy in the car see this go down?

LMAOOOO, that was soooo unserious.

scully is here at 1 am to autopsy the detective. and doggett is not far behind. another man demands a word with him. this mystery guy looks at scully angrily. then doggett follows him out.

the cops declare that this is her fault! they could have been hunting this thing and instead it killed their boss. well, i don’t see why you couldn’t have done that while she was investigating her theory? that sounds like a THEM issue, NOT a scully issue. he states that she isn’t welcome here or allowed to touch the bodies. they don’t want her theories. damn. then you get eaten too, idgaf.

of course, scully will not think this, because she will think of the innocent victims being put at risk if they don't understand why the creature is doing this, and not be concerned with the bullheaded cops experiencing karma. they all glare at doggett. and he walks back into scully. he starts to wrap up the body.

oh, she heard some of that… he thinks it looks bad for the FBI. she says it was unavoidable. and shows him the body of the mckesson daughter- she died of natural causes, but the body was burnt to cover something up. hmm...

doggett wants to go find the thing right now, but scully points out that it hunts with purpose and stalks for a reason, and they need to figure out who it is targeting and why. she says that everyone who died had contact with the body. a lead...

the next person on bat guy's list would seem to be the person who found her body in the river, myron stefaniuk. but what about scully?? who has touched the body?!?

oh, one of the hunters in the 1956 photo has the same last name as this myron fellow!!

doggett and this newspaper…. he loves it. he keeps pulling it out. bro went into an archive and experienced the joy of preserved knowledge. i am happy for him.

they go off to meet this myron fellow, who is an old man hanging out by the river. scully is in a purple turtleneck under her jacket. love herrrr!!!

they couldn’t find him, and they were scared! he is frustrated at their accusations of him being a target.

ooo, doggett whips out the name from the article to get him to talk… ernie was his brother. who is now dead. this guy claims the animal thing killed him. scully is serving looks by this river as he drives away.

but later, they’re watching him, doing an intensive stakeout. OH, doggett laughs at her little joke… she starts to doubt herself.

“maybe i’m manufacturing a theory”

“what happened to taking a leap?”

“maybe i’m just trying too hard”

“to do what? be mulder?” she’s quiet.

“you know, i’m not oxford education. about all i know about the paranormal is men are from mars and women are from venus. but i don’t think you’re wrong, agent scully”

“what makes you say that?”

“well, i’m no fox mulder, but i can tell when a man is hiding something” <- AWWW, HE BELIEVES IN HER… in a roundabout away. he says myron fishes a woman out of the river who has been gone for 40 years… his brother has been gone for 40 years… who happened to hunt a creature like we’re looking for…. yeah. does look super weird.

is myron the bat guy?

scully picks up the binoculars while myron loads up his truck bed with… gasoline??? is he gonna blow something up?

but AUGH, THE BAT GUY IS ABOVE HIM!! so i guess that debunks my theory.

myron gets in the truck… goes down to the river…

oooo, doggett and scully were in a boat in the middle of the night and find the guy who was all wrapped up and collecting the bats before... on an island! i wonder what brought them into a boat together. lmao.

they’re trying to chase him, but everything is so dark….. scully gets him at gunpoint. and he admits to being ernie. he is the guy with a bat on his door!

“how’s a man supposed to live when his fear becomes obsession? you’d do the same thing” <- his walls are covered in photos as if he has been tracking and preparing for decades… he moved to the island 44 years ago, and has remained there since, away from the bat creature. scully looks very sad to hear this.

doggett asks if he knows something about it. perhaps, like humans came from apes, a human came from a bat. idk.

he says he needed to cut off all contact with help from his brother. and his wife. whose body his brother pulled in... she didn’t even tell her mother before she went into hiding with him. her only demand was to be buried in consecrated earth. he breaks down crying.

scully says the bat thing has killed 4 people. he is very concerned about his brother being the next victim. they tell him they just spoke with him and he was fine, but he rejects this assumption, because it only attacks at night. doggett tells her to stay with him. and runs into the night.

NOOOOO, IT JUMPS OM HIM!!!! they are fighting……. DOGGETT. listen to me: do NOT get eaten by a bat.

scully doesn’t seem to be able to hear him getting mauled. ernie is puzzled as to how she found them. she is hesitant to take the credit. and then he says that she’s marked now. it’ll wait for her. as long as it takes. oh...

a beeping…. something approaches…. scully grabs her gun. it’s on the roof! she fires a ton of shots. it goes quiet. she reloads. maybe she got it. walks into the outside world. everything is quiet.

ernie loads his shotgun… starts to hyperventilate. AUGHHHH, BAT GUY IS RIGHT AT HIS FACE!!

scully gets a bunch of shots in, but it still flies away. doggett comes back… fires a ton more shots. he’s absolutely torn up and asking if SHE is okay. WHICH I LOVE!!!!

she catches him as he starts to faint. the bat thing screams into the night.

back in the office, she picks up mulder’s name tag again. 2 weeks have passed since that evening. doggett is late- he got a fax from myron. he’s alive, but has gone into hiding.

she asks if he believes it- that the bat creature is out there and will come after them. he is pretty sure they hit it with their bullets, which doesn't answer the question. and then he tells her the guys upstairs were making some noise about their field report. “you get used to it”

“i never had a desk in here, agent doggett, but i’ll, uh… i’ll see that you get one”

“alright”

“and i just… i just want to say, um… thank you for watching my back”

“well, i never saw it as an option. i’m sure you don’t, either”

she nods, and sadly puts away mulder’s name tag.

the end.

WAHHHHH. i’m sad. give me a few seconds to sadly kick rocks around.

mulder, come hoooooooome. people are suffering immensely in your absence!

oh, scully…. fighting so hard to find the truth using her science and her belief. and she’s scared and she doubts herself and it seems like doggett doubts her, but he is starting to trust in her. and also maybe that thing will chase them forever, but maybe not, because they did shoot it pretty good, and maybe that is enough.

now, was i giggling because this episode was kind of silly, and these brilliant agents didn’t even think about the fact that the bat guy would hunt at night? yeah. that was funny. scully is a scientist... why would she not think of that, LMAOOO you writers make me laugh at times.

but it got interesting at the end, with the layers of paranoia in ernie. something hunting you for years… yeesh, it is hard to fathom.

and doggett is getting there!!! i was moved when he stepped in between her and the detective and got him to back tf off. and then he was soaked in his own blood and asking if she is okay…. YEAH. give me more of that.

now, while bat time was a decent exploration into the changing dynamic, one that is beginning to tug at my heartstrings... i do want to know when we are going to get back to mulder hunting with special guest star skinner. maybe they can only do that when they have leads? and they don’t seem to have any of those at the moment. it must be very hard to do all the work while wanting to dedicate all your energy to that. it must feel entirely useless. or maybe saving people makes them feel slightly fulfilled in his absence.

how mulder suffered those 2 weeks scully was gone, she has to suffer for MONTHS… sometimes pain is a competition. and when it is, scully is always going to win.

oh! well, a mid monster of the week episode with a bat creature that was personally uncompelling to me can still have its moments. why does the bat wait? did the hunters not really kill it the first time around? how did bat guy become bat guy? why can't guns kill him? STILL! i was really emotional when doggett was trying to understand what she was saying!!! and he just couldn’t get it, but he was trying!!! fuck!

and her picking up and putting away mulder’s name tag… is this implying that she is starting to accept she really might never see him again? that is too sad of a thought to consider.

and her telling him that she will get him a desk even though she never got one, because she understands how it feels and wants to make sure he knows he is valued… and thanking him for having her back… OH. i feel i could write a paragraph on this subject. i need to go sit and contemplate. mulder, for all the lovely things about him, never picked up on the importance of her having a desk, until after never again when it was too late to do something about it.

what did you think of this first episode with no mulder- not even in the intro? how do you characterize what scully and doggett having going on at this point? did you LIKE mr. bat guy? tell me everything!

SIGH. scully is so kind...

#i don't have too much more to analyze about the episode itself because i found the monster just eh #even if the doggett and scully things we saw were interesting... it is a bat guy. i'm not compelled to really write a thesis on that.#i look forward to seeing how their dynamic grows and changes and future episodes of them together... but also when can we hunt for mulder?#tell me all of your opinions on this episode!! and the others!! even future ones!! just don't tell me what happens if i haven't seen it yet #nearly fell asleep editing this... WAKE UP BRAIN!!!!!!#8x03 #the x files #txf

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