#I AM GENUINELY SO MAD RN
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NO FUCKING WAY I JUST GOT BOOTED OUT OF MY PINTEREST ACCOUNT. AND I CANT FUCKING LOG BACK IN BECAUSE THE DEVICE IM ON TECHNICALLY BELONGS TO MY SCHOOL AND THE ADMIN FUCKING BLOCKED PINTEREST APPARENTLY I AM SO ANGRY OH MY GOD
#WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME BFEHBFJSBDJKAB#I AM GENUINELY SO MAD RN#ABSOLUTELY LIVID#ALL OF MY BOARDS AND SHIT ARE JUST GONE#THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF
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how has de la fuente not learned anything from running dani olmo and pedri into the ground? it’s genuinely astonishing how dumb someone can be
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“We’re protecting women and children” they say as they proceed to set fucking everything in sight on fire,,, never seen this sorta rioting when it’s white men though. Just say you’re racist cunts
#drag rambles#this is brought to you by my country has been rioting all week. again#condolences to that poor girl and her family who are being used to try and ‘justify’ this#and of course to all the poc here who are fearing for their lives#this is horrifying to watch#protecting people. yeah right. I’m sure setting a leisure centre WITH KIDS INSIDE on FIRE really gets that point across#ohhhhh I am mad#fucking hate this place. bunch of bigotted bitter bastards#and that’s not even touching on everything else going on in the world rn#I’m tired. I’m so tired of it all#the genuine despair I feel every day when I wake up and remember the state of everything right now#and I personally am not even directly affected by it. I can’t imagine how scared those who are feel#all I can say is I’m sorry and I hope for brighter days for us all#wow that’s a whole rant apologies if you got through all of that. I’m in my feels
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im so cooked i may have to write my entire honours thesis in 24 hours because my professor fucked up the timeline
#i had a meeting w him today and i was like hey! the deadline is approaching! where am i supposed to be rn?#and he was like hm... well if you want feedback before the deadline then you have to turn something in within the next day#LIKE BITCH??#YOU COULDN'T HAVE TOLD ME THAT EARLIER?#we've been corresponding since like mid march!!!!#like sure we weren't able to set up a meeting but lowkey its your job to keep an eye on the timeline#LIKE THIS IS MY FIRST TIME DOING A THESIS#IDK WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO BY WHEN#IDK HOW LONG YOU NEED TO GIVE ME BACK FEEDBACK#like is this a oh ill just read it over once and give it to you in twoish days#or like a i need a week or two for detailed feedback#LIKE HUH#i genuinely don't know if it's my fault for not reaching out to him more often??#or if he should have checked in with me more??#it is his first time supervising someone doing a thesis so i don't blame him at all#like lowkey we're both cooked#like im equally as mad at him as i am at myself as i am at The Situation in general#big woops hours up in this joint#aisha.txt#college tag
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copy-pasting what i put on my instagram story onto here about the buffy news :)
GENUINELY what the fuck. what the fuck. i never ever thought i would see this actually happen, they’ve been talking about it since before i ever even watched the show and nothing has ever come of it… i’m not excited at ALL, but i suppose that means i’ll have low expectations going in??
as a positive i will say that it’s great that it’s helmed by a female poc director and some of the original producers! and i’m SO relieved that it seems to i suppose be a continuation rather than an actual reboot, as sarah is playing buffy again (another positive, my girl is coming back AAAHAGGHDHHSH)
the shameless gatekeeper in me is CRYING though, the thought of modern-day fandom people finding this new show and only liking that and not knowing / caring / being insane about the original (OR ANGEL!!!!!) makes me want to genuinely puke! (not that i have autism or anything)
yeah. a lot of conflicting feelings but overall negative. riding on the high of it not being an actual reboot, though. unless they’re having sarah play some random high school principle as a cameo or something and it actually is a reboot. in which case my life is over i know it’s not that deep but i do not care, fuck y’all i hope you never have a cold side of your pillow <3
#i feel ILL#i’m so upset bro UUGGGGGGGHHHH#for reference btw i got into buffy in 2018 which yeah AEONS after it first came out BUT#it was in my formative years. i was 10 back then and am now pushing 18. i lost someone very special in my life and buffy was my comfort#so it feels like it’s mine. it’s a part of my personality and frankly my psyche and it’s a constant in my life.#i don’t WANT to be a gatekeeper but the idea of a reboot makes me sooooooo so so mad i can’t even describe#genuinely inconsolable rn bro 😭#btvs#buffy the vampire slayer#ats#angel the series#which btw people who only watch the reboot will likely not gaf about#which fills me with an extremely unnecessary level of RAGE#buffyverse#buffy reboot
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Hhhungryyyyyyyyyyy
#i want burger#and garlic mayo#you’re telling me a gar licked this mayo?#can you tell I just remembered that this is a personal blog#I can post whatever i want#I’m treating it like a private twitter account but just with art posting#but like seriously I’m so fucking hungry rn it’s literally 3 am#I genuinely just want a burger#for my American audience i want a chicken sandwich#chicken sandwiches and burgers are just kinda considered the same here#what fucking audience you loser it’s 3 am and you’re burger posting in tags#chat can you believe this?#chat is this real#also I’m fucking COOLLLDDDDE#who’s been reading all of this#if you have leave a comment down below 😎#if you’ve been reading this long you deserve some personal information#I’m so mad I won’t get a burger on Friday and probably also Saturday#since I’m going to the shit doctors#and they’re shoving a camera up my asshole (colonoscopy)#what’s that one saying#hot people have stomach issues#anyway#I can’t eat for a FULL DAY before it#aka Friday#and then it says on the prep document that your first meal shouldn’t be super greasy#which makes me pissed like#dude let me eat my shitty burger and poutine#ohhhh my god I want an osmows poutine#guys I ran out of tags so I guess you’re not gonna hear the story about how we had 3 university students all hunched over food CHARACTER LIM
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plain and simple i am not going to be able to remain in this fandom long-term if i have to keep putting disclaimers on every single one of my posts that say i don't condone dennis' bad, bad actions and that i am in fact aware he's got a history of sexual assault and dubious/nonconsent. the entire gang has done heinous shit. why is dennis the only one who needs to be treated like this? if some rando wants to post about how dennis is pookie pie that doesn't automatically mean they're blind to his crimes. every single member of the gang is a piece of shit. that's kind of the point.
draw dennis with cat ears who give a shit
#ada speaks#i'm not vagueing this is a constant thing ive experienced#i still have angry anons sitting in my askbox mad that i didn't explicitly condemn him last time i got into this#i'm really not a fan of the tension in the fandom the last few days#and like. i know its a hot button issue rn. everyone's going back and forth abt mac and dennis' SA#but this fandom genuinely does have an issue SPECIFICALLY MENTIONING things mac does to dennis and uwu-ifying them#when they are explicitly classified as SA in canon (which is an actual present issue i think needs to be addressed)#rather than like. just the mere MENTION of dennis outside of his SA is somehow condoning his actions#im sorry but i really do not feel the need to constantly talk about him assaulting women#everyone knows. everyone sees it. just bc i am dissecting other parts of his character does not mean i forgot he's a horrible person#it just means im trying to understand where he's coming from (which obviously does not change the facts.)#viewing dennis as a person with unresolved trauma stemming from elsewhere doesn't negate the damage he is doing to other people#he's not a real person where humanizing him does tangible damage#so i am going to continue to look into shit. when i talk about the CSA he went through it's not a justification.#but it does explain his actions in a character motivation type way which is what i am interested in#seeing what makes him tick#i think most people who follow me understand this by now. but i also don't think shit we see him do constantly in canon needs bringing up.#it's the subtle stuff that ties everything together and i want to put it all together to solve a puzzle
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the few times i was believed when i brought up concerns in situations, the adult i talked to always seemed to tell me that their hands were tied and they couldn't do anything. which is ridiculous in... almost all of the situations i can remember. the most egregious one was where the teacher (who later did get arrested for sexual harassment of minors 🙃) wanted to film our class so he could watch it later at home to "improve his teaching" and i fucking walked out of the classroom and went straight to the principal's office and the principal was like. so uncomfortable and reluctant to do anything. it wasn't until a classmate joined me a minute later (that dude was a good guy honestly, he helped me out in a lot of bad situations) and backed me up on everything that the principal finally came back to the classroom w us and talked to the teacher. honestly the only thing i can think of that could explain the principal not taking me seriously until the guy came in is misogyny??? i guess???? i was being extremely firm and adamant and clear in explaining the situation to him so ... i think that guy just sucked idk. that was fucked up though.
also crazy to me that i have consistently been the one to stand up and call out fucked up stuff i see happening when nobody else does. like can i do that for myself ever?? no! but if someone else confirms that a situation is fucked up and they too are being hurt by it in some way then suddenly im totally fine to speak out and put a stop to things. i guess its bc i do not trust myself. if someone else tells me "yeah that's not okay" then i can believe it and do something about it.
#im mad that so many classmates put up with horrible behaviour from teachers and i was the one who had to say something first#i was the one who had to say No and tell grown adults off for being creepy or cruel or whatever#and like. im glad i could help my classmates w those situations. but goddamn. nobody ever did that for me.#i was the one every fucking time#if i was uncomfortable and didn't say anything to put a stop to it then it didn't stop#why the fuck am /i/ the one of all ppl who can say No to authority. that does not make sense ???#bc I've never been allowed to say no in our household. so why have i been able to outside of it#genuinely I don't understand. also why was everyone else unable to say no !!!#it scares me honestly bc I don't know what fucked up shit teachers are getting away with bc no kids are able to say stop!!!#if I hadn't been in the classroom w that one teacher idk if he ever would have gotten into trouble and had authorities get involved!!#i was not the one who raised the alarm to the police but i think i probably was the one who actually brought shit to the attention-#-of the principal at all. like idk if anyone had said anything up to that point. despite this teacher doing other fucked up shit#anyways. christ. i need to not be thinking abt this rn DHFJDKL#🐑🌻
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ok i might need to force myself to not romance astarion bc i don't want to know what it says about me to turn down karlach, the woman of my dreams, the character made to cater me personally, like, if she was real i'd bring the moon and stars down for the chance to see her smile, she's everything i've hoped for in a rpg companion, what does it say about me if i turn that down for someone like astarion
#ngl karlach would be too good for me and i wouldnt deserve it#shed probably ask me stuff like 'what do you want?' upon which i would be paralyzed with fear my mind completely blank unable#to process why i can't answer a simple question#and she's so up front with her emotions which i absolutely adore but i could not reciprocate that#wait am i actually for real avoiding the karlach romance bc i feel like this fictional character from a video game is too good for me#a real human being. like. i think i would feel guilty about romancing her#which makes no sense bc i romance characters too good for anyone all of the time. but idk#in those cases ive always had like a strong character i play as who is very divorced from who i am#but playing as durge there is no past so idk who my tav is yet so all i can do is project so he feels very. personal#im v sleepy and also ive had brain fog all day so yea idk#i mean i do genuinely like astarion and his character but in his case i dont feel guilty bc i feel like i#i have no idea how to finish that sentence without it sounding like 'i can fix him'#bc i dont want to fix him i want to show him compassion and respect him and his boundaries so he'll be able to reclaim tje feeling of#being in control of his life#so he'll stop putting people down to feel like hes on a pedestal#like i get him and why he is like that but i just feel like being kind and caring towards him would feel so good#it wouldnt fix him and thats a good thing bc i dont want him to change who he is but i do think he needs support#also hes hot im so mad at myself for being so atteacted to him#we wouldnt b here if i didnt have a thing for voices#besides thag back to the main point of astarion its like. ugh! im so frustrated rn bc i dont have the words#to express my emotions toward him bc everything ive said lacks the nuance that im feelikg but idk how to put it in words#i guess i want to protect him? that such a terrible sentence and still not what om going for
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Are all character maintags like that or is it just scott’s btw
#bree barks so fucking loud#I think it might just be a maintag thing. Sorry for being vague i dont think complaining about fandom shit is constructive#It can be! But i dont have the energy to make my complaints insightful rn LOL#I gotta go to the bankkkk#actually you know what vaguing is for losers i’ll be back to this thought. eventually#rn im unsure if im just mad or am genuinely interested in the workings of it all. Could be both
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yall the lover anniversary hit me so hard yesterday. i am still so sad.
#personal#i just!!! miss!! taylor!!! fucking!! swift!!!!!!!!!! not whoever the fuck she is rn#like the shift makes me feel so physically ill like i genuinely feel so sad and nostalgic for how the fandom/ taylor interacted#and how simple things felt#compared to now#god i just. am so mad. at her.
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i want to commit first degree murder on that fictional asshole
#➳ the fool speaks#holy shit he should kill himself holy fuck#im. restraining myself sm rn to not write a 10 page ''you should [violence violence violence]'' yourself#thing directed to this stupid fucking bundle of pixels rn#i NEED to kill him with a rock NONE of you understand i have to choke him and stab him and shoot him i hope he dies#in source i hope he dies horrendously im genuinely so fucking mad rn#i am seething with rage i need to beat his ass rn#i need to teleport into his source w creative mode on and smite him#i want to gouge his guts i want to#no no no nevermind not even ''want'' i NEED to at this point that would fix me#uhhhhhhhhh#man what do i even tag this#violence mention tw#violence mention cw#mentions of violence#violence tw#???????????????????????????#sorry im. im so mad. im so mad. i need to blow this guy's brains out SORRY
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I really wish people would be straight up about what they mean sometimes. When you ask me why I did something and I explain why I did it don't come back at me with "excuses"!!! What the fuck are you talking about, excuses? You ASKED I am now TELLING YOU WHY IT HAPPENED why are you mad at ME for telling you??? When you asked?????
#i dont get it i dont get it im gonna SCREAM#i had an Interaction this week and i had a dream about it last night because its bugging me so much#is this autism? because i feel like theres a whole Social Thing here i just dont fucking understand#i never have!!!!! my parents would do the same thing!!!!!#“why did you do x???? what were you thinking???” =#“oh i did this because y happened and then i felt z so it was only logical to do X. i thought it was the right way to respond?”#THEN THEY GET MAD AT ME FOR ONLY GIVING EXCUSES????????#like im not excusing anything im. explainging. whats . going on???#am i having an aneurysm????????#anyways as SOON as someone pulls the “excuses” thing even JOKINGLY i get teary bc like ????#idk it feels like what im saying and doing is being wildly misinterpreted#and i dont know how to fix it#bc then as soon as im emotional and confused im told im being manipulative for having that reaction ????#(this is in reference to like. my mom. bc for some reason anyone having emotions about shit is them explicitly trying to manipulate and#control her)#idk idk idk im so tired#personal#okay to reblog#if you understand this and have the spoons to explain it. i would appreciate. i feel really fucking stupid rn and a genuine understanding of#the situation would be. nice
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love my social worker he's so sweet and i love my mentor/guide/one day i'll find a fitting english word for what her role is too. last time i met the former he said they talked abt the thing i'm starting this thursday and said "while it feels like these circumstances may be impossible for you, logically speaking you shouldn't succeed there, yet both of us are certain you will" which is very nice but also AAAAAAAAAAAAA
#they're right like these ARE p much impossible circumstances for me#but i do think they think too highly of me and i'm definitely gonna disappoint them 🥲#this was both assuring yet. like. pressuring. if that's the right word idk#ik there's the whole. 'what if i fail' 'but what if you don't' back and forth but genuinely. realistically speaking. i most likely will#i have never been able to maintain those daily structure stuff like school for example#and while i do hope that since this is only 4 short days a week (with a break in between 2 and 2) and smth i like doing -#- then i'll have an easier time. but. it's still gonna be so hard.#there's a reason i don't go out or wake up early ughhhhh it's bc i hate doing it. idk if theater would be enough to make up for that#and what if i don't like the people what if i don't get along with the directors what if i struggle with remembering lines or physicality#which will make it all so much harder and make the part i'm supposed to love unpleasant as well#what would i do then 🥲#. why am i anxious about this rn. i have a tough day ahead of me for a different reason i should probably focus on first 🫠#vent#sorryyyyyyy it's 1 am and i need to clear my brain out it seems#also maybe i want. advice. or encouragement. idek what i want. here. i don't wanna have to worry abt this but that's impossible ofc#(my mom told me today that she wants to tell me there's nothing to stress about but she knows that'll just be incorrect 😭 and she's right)#(dw she meant it nicely and gently as in she knew i'd just get mad at her for saying it lol. and i mean. again. gotta be realistic)
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i have dealt with 5 million evil tags on my fucking post about oh hey. stop yaoi focusing when no one writes about women. and op (disgusting proshipper) is like um 😗 i really should get on that. why are all of your dc fics batcest except for 3. out or 48. i kind of hope you die
#twist rambles#ask to tag#sorry im like. having to restrain from sending anon hate or publicly reblogging from them w their tags and getting mad about it. like you#are genuinely fucking stupid and disgusting but also. batc/est fan no shcok lmao.#incest mention#it would be easy enough to find this person in the tags but honestly idc#like. dami and JASON smut fic. i am not a guy who sends anon hate but my god. i want to so bad rn im so serious.
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bouncing around bc persnaps its mania but once the exhaustion wears off the day doesnt seem so bad!! (the exhaustion happens every day snd it hasnt felt like ive gotten enough sleep in two weeks 👍 but at least im lively and sane ish!!!)
#ive been looking for other mania symptoms and... hard to explain#but ! alas! i will simply enjoy it#bc the low lows really Really suck#and i just wanna enjoy what i can for rn#im so tired tho 😭#i wanna do smth maybe be productive maybe play a game but 😭😭😭#it Genuinely feels like i dont have time for anything and i am So Tired when i finally fet s chance to be home#i want someone to sub in for me 😭 just take over for s bit so i can sleep#i get a good few days off in a row this coming week that i Have Not told anyone about yet#preferably i want to SLEEP#and rest#i wanna finally watch black friday maybe get confirmation that no one will mad at me if i do#but alss 😒 im exhausted and theres a lot to do#but im also excited!!! idk its weird#oh and omg im trying ro be in contact w ppl and i met this one girl whos so 😵💫#and i wanna keep talking but i need to ask her to call bc i Hate Texting dkdhdj#and 👉👈 i wanna hear her voice#hehe#okie bye
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