#I LOVE INTRUALITY!

[thegoldenduckie]

Lots of Intruality embraces ft Remus’ tentacles

[orbch]

twin sisters

[butchjolyne]

like carrying a couple of grapes

[moondeew]

Patton and Remus in the kitchen except they’re both terrible cooks so they set the kitchen on fire

loosely inspired this post and the sanders sides anime opening video lol

they got yelled at by mom (Logan) after this

[chameleon66]

Day five of pride incorrect quotes

Patton: “Okay, I'm going to get the wedding cake.”

Remus: “Perfect, while you do that I'll check on the ring bear.”

Patton: ...

Patton: “You mean ring bearER, right?”

Remus: ...

Patton: “Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.”

[blackoutbugza]

Hey… If youre maybe posibly taking art requestsssss-

Intruality? Ive been liking it a lot recently and they are very adorable

eepy

[halfhissandwich]

Patton in that one video: What do you call a fake noodle?

Remus:

Patton and Remus: An impasta! :D

Janus: That’s pretty funny…

Janus: …

Janus, remembering that snakes are associated with noodles and also he frequently steals people’s identities: hey wait a goddamn second

[loganslowdown4]

Remus: I wasn’t that drunk yesterday!

Patton: You were flirting with me a lot, like a whole lot—

Remus: Yeah, but we’re husbands!

Patton: Well I started playing along like ‘Oh, well ya see I’m very flattered, but I am married—‘ and you looked at the ring on my hand and started sobbing and you said I was so beautiful and that you missed an opportunity to be with me and how stupid you were, and I knew you had had too much so I brought you home and laid you down to sleep it off, and you kept asking me to cheat on my husband with you and I told you I would never cheat on you, even with drunk you, and you passed out after that—

Remus: *grins* Hmm yeah, that does sound like me-

Patton: *sighs*

[bitterpoison]

A super fun art trade with @darksides-dutchess !! Realised I never drew these two together and just had ta do it!! 💙💚

[rataticaisdreaming]

day 1 - chaos @intrualityweek

a chaotic makeup session 💄✨

small fic under the cut 🥰💙💚

Summary: Remus gets a snack during its and Patton’s makeup session.

Pairing: Platonic Intruality (it/its for Remus - he/him for Patton)

Word Count: 512

Warnings: One sex joke / Eating an uneatable thing / Mention of vomiting / Mild Hurt/Comfort / Remus being Remus

"No! Just because it says it's strawberry flavored doesn't mean it will actually taste like strawberry!"

"Only one way to find out Kitty Pat!"

At first, Remus dragged the lipstick across its tongue, leaving a thick red line. It gave a test taste while Patton admired his makeup to cope with the fact that his favorite lipstick would get eaten. Not that he minded tho, after all, it made the duke happy. He re-adjusted his cat headband and with a sigh, looked back at his makeup partner.

"Well…? Does it taste nice…?" he asked, half disgusted, half intrigued.

The other didn't reply, instead, it rolled the lipstick until the whole bar was exposed and bit the entire thing. Chewing with curious, thinking eyes, it spoke again.

"It's so creamy! Like a melted chocolate bar!" Remus said with its mouth full. Patton winced at the sight of its sharp teeth full of red lipstick, it made him gag and he had to look away.

"Please! Just swallow it already!"

"Oooh~ I might swallow another thing tonight if you let me, Cutie Pat" it said. Even when Patton had his eyes closed trying not to throw up, he could still see the smile and wink in that sentence.

Patton groaned at the joke and started tapping the table, looking for his water bottle. He whined when he couldn't find it, but when he did, he immediately regretted it.

His hand knocked the bottle, pouring water all over the makeup table. They both yelped and got up from their seats. Remus acted first, grabbing the bottle and lid to safely close it and put it on the ground.

It thought the small scare was over, but it heard a small whine coming from Patton and he looked distressed. Remus looked back at the table and no makeup got damaged, it was all closed. Only the brushes got wet. Before it could ask what was wrong, Patton grabbed its finger.

"It's all ruined… I'm sorry…" he said in a tiny voice, playing with Remus' finger.

"What's ruined?" it asked, giving the other both hands to fidget. "Nothing is ruined, leave that to me, c'mere.”

It discreetly waved one of its hands to clean up the mess as it guided Patton to the bed. It pulled a box from under the bed and placed it between them. Inside the box there were a lot of individual stickers and on pages. Sir. Froggie the Third was guarding the sticker box.

"Froggie!" he squealed, giving the stuffie a big tight hug. He had a rattle inside, perfect for stimming and calming down.

Remus randomly picked a sticker and pressed it on its neck, then grabbed two star stickers and pressed one on its forehead and one on Patton's neck.

The giggles coming from him caused Remus to smile, calming down as it saw that the other was having fun. They started picking up all sorts of stickers and placing them all over their faces and necks. They forgot about the accident and got a new look they both adored.

[acanvasofabillionsuns]

ask me (how i'm feeling)

AO3!

Summary: Remus still makes Patton uncomfortable sometimes, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like him. Quite the opposite, actually. Warnings: none Wordcount: 814

“Hey, Patsy-doodle-dandy!” 

Patton looked up and smiled at Remus, setting aside his coloring book.

“Hey, Remus! What’s up?”

“The vacuum of space!”

“True!” Patton had found it a lot easier to get along with Remus since he started just agreeing with what Remus said. He usually didn’t want to dwell on whatever it was, but acknowledging it and then moving on let Remus have his voice without squicking Patton out too badly. Still, though… “Far, far above us, right?”

“It could be closer if you want,” Remus suggested, waggling his eyebrows and making a lewd expression. Patton scrunched up his face — he wasn’t sure he wanted to know if Remus meant something with his expression or if he was just trying to get a rise out of Patton — but then Remus laughed and Patton found himself laughing along with him.

Remus had a variety of laughs, and Patton enjoyed all of them. Screaming cackles when he scared or disgusted someone, hearty guffaws when a joke of his landed (for him, at least, though Patton thought they sounded richer when other people were laughing too), slightly unnaturally high-pitched giggles when he was plotting something or learned something interesting, snuffly snorting honks of laughter when he was truly caught off guard — they were all wonderful. Sure, everyone else had delightful laughs too, but Remus always seemed to put his heart into laughing, always big and loud with never even a flicker of embarrassment.

“I’m alright, Remus, but thank you,” Patton told him once he’d recovered from (Remus) laughing. “Did you have something you needed me for?”

“Yepperoni!” Remus had recently taken to using words abandoned by the internet as cringe. Virgil hated it and Logan kept thinking they were new slang he had to keep up with and learn how to use. “I’ve got something to ask you, daddy-o!”

“Ask me!” Patton gave him his most encouraging smile, even though he was a little afraid of what the question would be. He wasn’t sure he could handle helping Remus with an experiment or anything similar, but he would hate to let him down…

“How do you feel about me?”

“What?”

“How do you feel about me?” Remus’s head flopped to the side, sending a glob of something flying from his hair. “Do you still hate me?”

Oh.

Well, that kind of thinking wouldn’t stand.

“Of course I don’t hate you, kiddo! You’re part of my famILY!” And he’d recently been developing some feelings that made calling Remus “kiddo” feel a bit weird. But this wasn’t the time to deal with that, he needed to reassure Remus—

“Second question! How would you feel about a date?”

“Like the fruit?” Patton immediately regretted the question. He was going to blame it on feeling absolutely blindsided by Remus’s questions (twice in less than a minute!) and also his inherent need to deflect from any feelings that didn’t align with his normal “happy pappy Patton.” (He was working on it.)

Remus gave him a pouty little frown and hummed. “Well, I suppose I could work it in if it matters to you so much. But! You. Me. Torrid romance.” There was a lot of gesturing and shoulder shimmying and dramatic eye contact accompanying the proposal. Patton would be pretty sure Remus were screwing with him, if he were the sort of person to ever lead someone on. So he probably meant it. So…

As metaphysical beings, sometimes the sides got weird side effects to Thomas’s/their own emotions and mental states. Janus got snakier when Thomas was in denial, Roman took “bruised ego” unfortunately literally, Virgil’s height sometimes fluctuated with his anxiety level. As Thomas’s heart, feelings and morality, Patton certainly wasn’t exempt from such things.

All this to say that when Patton processed that Remus was for real asking him on a date, little hearts popped into being around his head. All the colors of the rainbow, no bigger than a few inches, spawning around his face and floating up until they hit some threshold and faded away, to be replaced with new ones.

Patton didn't even mind at first, too busy turning going on a date with Remus over in his brain, but at some point embarrassment kicked in. He covered his face and the blush warming it, letting out a noise like a tea kettle. Remus chuckled, a low, fond laugh that made Patton’s insides do little flips, and grabbed Patton’s hands in his own.

“I think I could take a decent stab at it” —there was a little sparkle and then Remus was wearing tiny daggers, poked through his ears. Patton smiled at the pun and chose to believe that they were earrings, non-sharp and safe to wear— “but what do you say, darling? Want to make everyone jealous with how hot and amazing a couple we are?”

And what else could Patton say but yes?

[orbch]

the glasses gays and those obnoxious twins

[lovecorepatton]

I'M ASKING NICELY / GIVE ME WHAT I WANT!!! / I'LL ASK POLITELY / GIVE ME WHAT I WANT!!!

theyre sooooo. religiously inflicted tragedy. love that rots them from the inside out.

id under the cut it is ridiculously long

[id: a drawing of patton and remus from sanders sides. it is seemingly nighttime, with patton illuminated in moonlight. patton sits on a counter and holds remus's cheek as remus holds their waist with one hand and cheek with the other. they're kissing. patton is an asian man with a medium skin tone and scattered beauty marks. she wears a blue cardigan, white polo, and dark grey cargo shorts. his dark hair goes down to their shoulders, and she has a blue hair clip and a pink zigzag hair clip. she wears white framed square glasses, a hellokitty watch, and ichthys fish earrings. remus is a white person with very pale skin and scattered freckles. he has brown hair which has been cut into a rockstar like mullet and died green. he wears purple eye makeup, a green shirt, black ripped jeans, a double grommet belt and a trench coat with the sleeves ripped off. he has a nose piercing and a mustache. surrounding the pair is an assortment of lyrics, and the background is dark purple with a lime green starburst around their heads.

lyrics: "oh, i will ruin you! oh, i will ruin you!" "and when you come in quick to steal a kiss, my teeth will only cut your lips, my dear." both from tongues and teeth by the crane wives. these lyrics hover around remus's head. "depollute me, pretty baby / suck the rot right out of my bloodstream / oh, dilute me, gentle angel / water down what i call being grateful." hovers near remus's waist. lyrics are from "like we'll never have sex" by leith ross. "how many, how many hail marys is it gonna take?" is staged at patton's shoulder, and is from the song "devils backbone" by civil wars. "honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips / we should just kiss like real people do" is from like real people do by hozier, and is staged below patton, along the counter. next to it is "fragile like i've never seen / you're pretty when you do not speak" from too close by sir chloe. finally, above patton's head stands the lyrics "i'll spend less time pretending that i am kind / you're along for the ride, not easy to scare" from sedona, by sir chloe. end ID]

[spoofy-drawings]

I made this a lot cuter than intended- oh well! I love how it turned out regardless! It’s intruality! Honestly, a very underrated ship, with a delicious dynamic! Patton would be proud

These goobers are baking! Remus keeps sneaking licks off the spoon- and of course, making a mess, but Patton is having fun regardless! It’s very rare Remus is allowed in the kitchen, but whenever Logan or Janus aren’t around to drag him out, Patton lets him help cook or bake! Of course, under VERY heavy supervision! Nonetheless the duo have fun whipping up something tasty for the others!

[oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat]

Ferns & Flowers

Guess who finally rewrote and revived a lost fic? Very excited to post this because it got yeeted into the Aether by Tumblr, but I revived it. Hurt/Comfort because I am weak. Enjoy!

This is also made for this year's @intrualityweek (2023)! Day 5, Gifts. The alternate used to combine with it is Flowers. I only wrote for one of the days because I have too many other projects to finish and get out.

Part 2 coming soon.

(a lil present for @rataticaisdreaming)

Pairing: platonic Intruality, gen

Trigger/Content Warning: intrusive thoughts, gory commentary, sexual humour, past domestic violence (mentioned), gun

Description: A florist and a botanist work in similar fields of study, yet they've never became acquainted. Who knew one little trade-off would begin such a strange friendship?

[Masterlist] | ao3 link | Next

[Read under the cut]

Remus never once thought he'd be so interested in plants, not until he learned about the poisonous ones and took up a career in Botany.

As a botanist, and as Remus, he'd named his own little shop after one of his favourite hyperfixations. Dahmer's Plant Hoard definitely attracts a variety of people, but who would Remus be to judge? Some come for the poisonous plants to study. Some come for the non-lethal ones to add to a gift for someone. There are even the times when Botany students will come in and ask to study a plant for a paper.

Supply usually outweighs demand in his field, but there's always outliers. A few of the more popular plants need to be restocked every now and then. Luckily, his shop is across the street from a florist, who seems to have every flower imaginable. He hadn't met them yet, though they work in similar fields. It's about time, anyway. Remus needs more moonflowers for an order due in a few weeks, and the florist would be the perfect person to buy them from.

This florist owns their own shop, and they tend to have lower prices than most places do. That, and customers always talk about how kind and generous they are. At least, from what Remus has heard.

Remus closes up his shop. It's been a slow and boring day, and perhaps meeting this florist will give him some excitement. He goes through a last-minute mental list. All his plants are watered, his cash register is secured, and the spare gloves are put away in their respective space. Everything is locked up as he leaves his plant business, wondering how the florist will be. Maybe they'll be as eccentric as he is! Or they could be a murderer in disguise. That'd be funny. As long as they aren't boring.

Crossing the street, he swears he can almost hear a dolphin whistling in the distance. He dismisses it as the wind.

But there's hardly a breeze blowing by.

~~~

The flower shop is called Pawprint Florals, written in a pretty blue font on the sign.

Remus can see the pastel colours from outside through the display windows. Blue, green, and some other colours decorate the walls. There's puppies and baskets of all kinds of flowers painted neatly, giving the inside quite a kiddish look. It's bright and vibrant, almost to an annoying point. Still tolerable, though. I mean, Remus isn't one to shy away from obnoxious colours and things. He literally dyed his hair radioactive green during his entire high school career; he couldn't care less about 'annoying'. 

Walking in, a small bell chimes. A donation box sits on the counter, where the florist messes with a bouquet of ferns and forget-me-nots. The donation box is decorated with pawprints and tiny penciled hearts. It says something about a local animal shelter needing funds for maintenance and food upkeep. It smells like an assortment of flowers, Remus notes as he spots a glass door behind the counter. It reads 'employees only'. Probably leads to the greenhouse. Where else would you get all those flowers and flora? Shipments take forever, ya know. Better to grow and store what you've got. 

As soon as Remus comes up to the counter, the florist abandons the bouquet and sets it down somewhere safe behind the counter. They flash a cheerful smile, pushing up their round-framed glasses on their nose.

"Hi, and welcome to Pawprint Florals! How may I help you today, kiddo?" they say just as cheerfully as their smile.

Remus blinks for a second at how utterly joyful this person is. Of course, before he leans against the counter in his chaotic glory and flashes a toothy smirk.

"Did ya know if you made moonflowers into tea, it would kill anyone who drank it?" is Remus' response.

The florist pauses, a little hesitant with that kind of information, but keeps their smile on their face.

"Are... are you looking for moonflowers?" they ask.

Remus hums, nodding his head.

"Oh! Well, I may have a few in the back," the florist pulls out a pen and a notepad. "Who are they for? I can make you a note for them."

They look down briefly to scribble something- probably about the moonflowers- before looking back up and changing their smile to a softer kind one. It's less than their previous smile, but it captivates Remus nonetheless. This florist is very pretty. And cute, considering their outfit.

They wear light blue overalls with a white-greyish undershirt. There's a floral-themed sticker nametag right above where their heart is, the name Patton written in a fun font. The florist- Patton, Remus' brain corrects him- has freckles all over their face and what he can see of their arms. Sandy-blonde curls. Dirt smudged on one cheek. Their nametag has the italicized pronouns they/them right under their name. 

They are so adorable.

Remus must've been staring at this human version of a golden retriever because Patton makes a concerned head tilt at him.

"Are you okay, kiddo?"

They frown slightly, and Remus wishes the smile would come back.

"Absolutely! As okay as maggots eating a cadaver."

Remus' grin convinces Patton of the truth, though they cringe at the mental image of a bug-infested corpse.

"Uh, alright then... for your order, who do you want it dedicated to?"

"No one! I need it for my shop 'cross the street."

"Oh, you're the botanist! I've been meaning to run into you. This is perfect, actually."

Remus watches as Patton waves him to come behind the counter, following them over to the greenhouse's door. They unlock it, shoving the key into a hidden pocket on the inside of their overalls. The duo heads into the greenhouse.

There are shelves upon shelves of potted flora, ranging from common roses to even a few rare Chocolate Cosmoses. Fairylights hang across the ceiling, glowing with blue and green and white. They illuminate the entire greenhouse in pretty mood lighting. There's a hose near the back surrounded by a couple of watering cans. A brown door, labelled 'storage', sits at the end of the elongated space of nothing but flowers and occasional succulents.

"I don't have a lot of moonflowers right now, sorry about that. I do have a shipment from a friend coming in soon, though. Uh, but that could take about a week or two," Patton explains as they lead Remus towards the back.

Remus is only half-listening, however, gawking at the flowers and how many of them are poisonous.

They could kill me swiftly and horribly, omg.

This florist is starting to grow on him, quite a lot.

"Aside from that, I was hoping you could help me? There's a flower here... not that one. Um, somewhere in here that I'm a little stumped on."

Remus perks up at the sound of a challenge.

"What kinda flower are we talking? Poisonous? Toxic? So lethal ya can't even touch it?"

Patton just nods.

They end up in front of a singular potted flower, a couple pairs of gloves sit nearby the pot. Patton hands a pair to Remus before taking a pair themself, though Remus half considers tossing the gloves away. There've been plenty of times where he hadn't used gloves when he should've and still lived. A few times his friend had to call poison control and banned him from handling certain plants for a few months. But eh, he always survives.

But when he goes to just throw the gloves in a random direction, Patton gives him the most paternally safety-first look he's seen in a long while. He decides to just put on the gloves for now. He can f*ck with toxic plants later.

"Safety always, kiddo," they start, tugging on their gloves and gesturing to the flower. "This little guy keeps wilting and I don't know why."

Patton frowns. Remus takes a glance at it.

"That's because ya gotta keep 'em outta the Sun, duh," Remus playfully rolls his eyes at the florist.

"Oh."

Remus snorts at Patton, causing them to smile and chuckle at themself.

"Good to know, thanks."

"Eh. Now, moonflowers?"

"Oh, right. Like I said, not a lot- keep the gloves on, please."

Patton gives him another pointed look, and Remus scoffs but listens. They head a little further towards the back to the moonflowers. True to Patton's word, there isn't a lot. Just a few, looking lonely in their pot. 

Damn, they weren't kidding.

Eat the flowers.

Maybe later.

"Like I said, I'm getting a shipment of them in about two weeks. Sorry it's not sooner," Patton says. 

Remus hums. The moonflowers that are there, though few, are well taken care of. They reach for the sunlight flowing like a waterfall into the greenhouse. Their blossoms are full and vibrant. Patton is definitely a good florist, keeping these flowers healthy. 

"Welp, I got an order I need some for... but I'd need more. You said f*ckin', uh, two weeks? Right?" Remus asks. 

Patton gives him a frown at the cussing, but they nod anyway. 

"My order's in three weeks, so maybe... a trade?"

Patton considers it for a moment, admittedly not expecting to be offered a trade. 

"I don't think I have anything I'd need, though. I don't mind just giving you some of the flowers."

Remus raises an eyebrow but says nothing. They're pretty and kind and selfless? Not wanting or needing anything in return? He highly doubts that. No one is completely selfless. True Altruism is absolute bullsh*t.

"Oh, cum on. Nothing? Nothing at all? Not any more help with some toxic plants?" 

Patton hesitates. 

"Well... it feels weird to ask for something in return."

"Butt?"

Remus snickers to himself at his own joke. The florist doesn't even catch it, fidgeting with their gloves for a second. They sigh, stilling their hands. 

"I do need some help with a few other no-no flowers..."

"Then it's a deal! Give me some of your moonflowers in a couple weeks, and I'll help ya with your lethal poisons," Remus offers his hand to shake as he speaks delightfully. 

"Okay..."

Patton extends their hand and shake Remus'. They offer a smile, and Remus returns it with a cheeky smirk. 

"Neat! Now, how do ya think moonflowers taste?"

"...what?"

~~~

It's been about a week since their initial deal was made, and some sort of chaos-filled routine comes to be. 

Remus visits Patton and their greenhouse every evening, making obscene and mildly sexual jokes that the florist doesn't always catch. He tells them unsettling facts or just asks these off-hand questions that are completely unrelated to the duo's current discussion. It throws Patton off, which Remus finds all the funnier. As the week progresses, they slowly become mildly used to it.

They talk about many things during their visits. As Remus helps Patton with their poisons, the florist will start a random topic and they two go from there. It always goes in nonsensical directions. One minute they talk about some weird movie they've both seen, and suddenly it turns into epic tales of their youths or how they're coping with the Horrors™ (aka: life situations). They grow closer rather quickly, both liking this little agreement they've made.

Now it's a week since the deal, and Remus visits again in the evening. He welcomes himself in the closed shop, having a spare key Patton had lent him for the time being. He goes behind the counter, into the greenhouse. The fairylights are on as they always are. Only one problem.

Patton isn't there.

They're always there before he is, considering they own the shop. So them not being there, or even being first, is... well, a first.

Few things unsettle Remus. This is one of them. 

Where could they be? 

Dead in a fire? Buried under the ground? Imagine if they were crying out for help, no one there to hear them scream.

Remus winces at his thoughts, but he doesn't entertain them. The florist is probably just late, for whatever f*cking reason, and they'll be there soon. Yeah, they're fine. Definitely fine. 

A door opening and the bell chiming at someone's arrival startles the botanist out of his head. He tenses, freezing in his spot. Remus doesn't think he heard key, which means it can't be Patton. Who else could it be? An intruder?

A murderer, come to take you like they took Patton?

He grabs the closest object, a trowel, as he ignores his thoughts. Raising it to attack (if need be), Remus creeps out from the greenhouse and back into the storefront. He crouches behind the counter as he hears footsteps growing louder. His heart beats against his chest, his legs burning with anticipation of might-get-killed. As soon as the intruder is close enough to the counter, Remus pops up and aims the trowel at the mystery murderer. Said mystery murderer yelps in surprise, and Remus hears the pistol get cocked before he sees it. He immediately raises his arms up, not wanting to get shot. He processes who it actually is as they sigh in relief. 

"Oh god, I'm so sorry! Are you okay, Remus?"

It's Patton. With a gun. Patton has a f*cking pistol. 

Jesus, just when I thought I figured this motherf*cker out. 

Patton stares at him with very guilty and concerned eyes, uncocking their decorated pistol and taking the magazine out. They flip the safety on, pocketing the gun and the magazine in separate places under their trench coat. Remus lowers his arms and sets the trowel on the counter, exhaling from all the adrenaline. 

"...Remus?"

Remus looks at Patton, the pretty and lethal florist he hopes to never piss off, and cackles lightly at the situation. 

"I'm great! Most fun I've had in while," he grins. 

Patton's shoulders ease, and they exhale their own breath from the tense moment that just happened. 

"Good, good..." 

As Patton trails off, Remus takes a better look at them. Their trench coat is dotted with rain (their glasses the same), they have tired eyebags under beautiful eyes, and their face... their face holds tear streaks hidden amongst freckles. Actually, their eyes do look a little red and... oh. Oh, they've been crying. They're upset. 

"Pat-Pat, what's up?"

"What?"

"Who do I need to maim? Ya look like rainclouds."

"Oh."

Patton sighs deeply, sounding older for a moment. They hesitate, shifting their feet. Looking away from the botanist, they join him behind the counter. 

"I'll explain while we sort out some flowers," their voice sounds small and soft, and god.

It hurts to hear them like that. It hurts Remus' chest, and he wants to shove whoever hurt them into a woodchipper. 

He follows his friend into the greenhouse, the pretty fairylights making them look sadder instead of cheering them up. Usually, such colourful lighting brings a smile to their face. Tonight is different. 

Patton tugs on gloves absentmindedly, and so does Remus. He doesn't want to worry them right now. They both head towards the middle section of the long hallway of flora, stopping in front of a pot of many buds. Remus vaguely recognizes the type of flower, but he's mostly focused on the florist. 

"Um... so, I'm not sure what these ones do. I'm also not sure why they're taking so long to- to bloom," they speak softly still. 

Remus nods along, keeping an eye on his fellow plant enthusiast. They sigh again, putting their hands on the shelf by the pot and lean against it. They hang their head. 

"I don't know how to talk about this."

They're not referring to the poisonous flora in front of them. 

"Well, no one's forcing you if it's too much," Remus offers a chance to back out, to try distractions instead of conversation. 

"I know, kiddo. Thank you," Patton offers a sad smile as they turn their head to look up at him. "I just... I like to think there's a good side to everyone."

Remus stays there by their side, a steady presence. 

"Some people get mistreated and get angry at how they've been treated. It's not their fault that someone hurt them. And- and some people are wary because they're not sure who is genuine. Some people are good outright, some aren't. I don't want to judge what I don't know."

A fond gaze appears in Patton's eyes.

"Some people are unsettling or weird, but they remain just as good as everyone else."

Remus' heart feels warm. 

Patton turns to stare at the toxic flower, their gaze hardening.

"Some people prove me wrong. Not everyone is good, not really. My friend always says there's always outliers to every data collection, and he's right more times than I can count."

Remus raises a worried eyebrow, starting to catch on. 

"So, an outlier...?" he prompts.

Patton nods, glaring now at the damn plant in front of them. 

"My mom raised me and my siblings on her own, even though she was married. I'm the oldest, so I always helped her with the littles. She's the strongest person I know, and I love her more than anything." 

They grip the shelf.

"And he never stopped hurting her. It didn't- it didn't matter if we were there or not. He'd relish in the pain he caused her. Sometimes, it was like he wanted us to watch. A frickin' sick bastard."

Tears prick at Patton's eyes, angry. Remus stared in genuine shock at hearing the florist call someone a bastard. This b*tch sounds like a real piece of sh*t. He'd love to bury them alive on Patton's and their family's behalf. 

"I haven't seen him in years. No contact, per court order. Mom doesn't know, but... he called me. He has my frickin' number."

Angry tears fall and hands shake. Patton trembles with emotion as they speak, a sharp edge has taken to their voice. Their breathing picks up slightly. 

"He has no right to be in my life. He hurt my mom. I'm going to poison him and put him under the frickin'- frickin' ground. I just- he- god."

Patton stands up, no longer leaning on the shelf nor glaring at the poor plant. They hide their face in their hands as they cry quietly, taking in shaky breaths. Remus immediately gathers them in his arms, hugging them tight as cry out their distress. He's going to kill this motherf*cking jackass, but Patton needs him first. 

"If you're gonna poison someone, then you'd have to hide the body. It's too much effort. Do ya know how much dead bodies weigh? They're f*cking heavy," Remus says. 

Patton grips his hoodie with their gloved hands, trying to focus on breathing in. Remus smells like fresh soil and some odd concoction of flora. It's calming, and Patton takes another deep breath to take the smell greedily. 

They eventually sag in Remus' arms as they calm down, and the botanist holds his florist close. 

"D'aw, tired little florist. Do ya think if your flowers had legs, they'd pole-dance or something?"

Patton snorts at such an absurd image, causing Remus to smile. They both stare at each other for a moment before bursting out into laughter. It makes the fairylights seem cheerful again, basking them in pretty blue and green and white light. 

"I bet they'd have hairy human legs-"

Patton gasps, "That's worse."

They giggle at the thought of human legs attached to stems and flowers, imagining them in a cartoonish way. 

After a little bit, they both settle. Patton easing themself out of Remus' arms, and he lets them. They glance at the flowers they were supposed to sort out. 

"It's getting late, Pat-Pat." 

"Yeah, but the flowers..."

"-will be here in the morning. Cum on, why not tell me about this mom of yours. She sounds badass."

Remus offers his hand, and Patton smiles as they take it. 

They leave the greenhouse, completely forgetting that they're both still wearing the gloves. They forget about the trowel on the counter, the gun under Patton's trench coat. They leave Pawprint Florals, locking the door behind them. Patton makes a decision, since Remus hasn't seen their home before. 

"Come to mine? It's out of the rain," they offer as the rain persists. 

Remus lights up at the offer.

"F*ck yeah! Now maybe I can see where the f*ck you got a gun."

Patton chuckles at him as they get in their car, the florist in the driver's seat. 

"By the way, Pattie? If ya ever need someone to off your bastard," Patton glances at Remus as he speaks. "Well, it goes unsaid."

Patton knows what he means. They give a fond look.

"Thanks, Rem."

"Anytime, Patio." 

Patton starts the car as Remus buckles up for once, heading down the road as they laugh to Remus' random comments. 

~~~

It's two weeks. Remus and Patton have grown a whole lot closer, especially after the thing with Patton's murderous intent. Amazing how fast you can get attached to new friends, huh?

It's their last visit, this time in mid-afternoon. Patton had apparently closed shop early, eager to finally give their friend the moonflowers. He'd been waiting a while for them. 

Well, 'eager' isn't exactly right...

There's that underlying worry of him disappearing after the trade is made. They're no stranger to friends leaving as soon as they aren't useful anymore. Patton's excited, they are! But it's just... what if Remus leaves after this? What if, deep down, all he wanted were the flowers?

A bell chime announces his arrival, and Patton puts a smile on their face. Though they're worried, it's a genuine smile. It always makes them smile to see Remus. 

"Hey, Pat-Attack! Ya got my poison?" Remus is cheerful as he walks in, lighting up as he spots the florist. 

"Yep! I brought the bouquet out already." 

Patton, with gloved hands, grabs a big bouquet of moonflowers and hands it to Remus. There are more than plenty of flora for what Remus needs. He looks up from the beautiful poison, catching a sad glint in his friend's eyes. They smile, but it seems to be the smallest bit sad. 

Well, that won't do.

"Oi, what's with the sad? I can f*ck someone up," Remus asks.

"What- no! Remus, I'm fine."

Remus instantly raises a doubtful eyebrow at them. 

"Try again, Patio."

Patton stammers for a second before closing their mouth. They huff. 

"It's nothing. I just... will you come back?"

Remus looks at them, confused.

"To your shop? Probably. You work here."

"No, not- that's not what I meant."

"If I'll come back... after the trade?"

Patton nods sheepishly. Remus' face softens. 

"Ya couldn't get rid of me if ya tried! And many have tried. They fail every time, heh."

That eases the florist and the sad glint goes away. 

"Now, wanna see my shop? Someone's gonna have to help me with these babies," Remus gestures to the moonflowers with his eyes.

Patton smiles wider, bouncing on their feet. 

"Yes! Omg, what kind of plants do you have?"

"Anything you could possibly imagine! C'mon."

The friends head out from the flower shop, crossing the street. The air is crisp, windless and pleasantly chilly. They both wear some form of warm layer to avoid getting cold. 

As they enter Dahmer's Plant Hoard and into Remus' greenhouse, they chatter excitedly between each other. The gifts of flowers and becoming friends bring them to smile fondly as they do so. 

[jaratedeguadalupe]

patton is the type of person that bakes at the 3 am during a mental breakdown. Remus joins him