#I NEED TO DRAW THEM IN THEIR CRUSADE CLOTHES MORE SO I CAN DRAW THEIR CLOAK LIKE A FLAMING COMET

[lucksea]

water dissolving, and water removing - there is water at the bottom of the ocean

i feel like camemberts playlist and story are a bit too serious for this song which has a bit of a meme reputation but truly i think camembert is experiencing the once in a lifetime emotion .

[thatsthewrongwallcraig]

Hangover Cure

Summary: In which Karl helps you through a hefty hangover with peculiar methods.

Pairing: Karl Heisenberg x afab!reader

Word Count: ~1.5k

Content Warnings: Plot? What plot? Porn! 18+!, Heavy On The Daddy Kink 🥴, Karl Has A Dad Bod Because It's Hot AF, Karl Is A Service Dom, Pet Names, Fingering, Dirty Talk, Mentions Of Drinking, Intoxication Kink, Slight Praise

A/N: The brain rot is actually insane this time…

-I'm adapting the fanon that Heisenberg is German because I wanna use my language for a cool thing for once, please and thank you! 🙏🏻-

Tagging in case you're interested: @blueberrypancakesworld @queer-crusader

Show me where it hurts this dirty little curse

Don't have to be ashamed if you wanna scream my name

While I fuck away the pain

- Fuck Away The Pain - Divide The Day

There were few things Karl Heisenberg really, genuinely loved but your ass shamelessly grinding into his crotch was certainly one of them.

You hadn't even opened your eyes properly and yet your body already did the talking for you. A wide grins stretched across Karl's lips as he felt how you pressed your thighs together, your still halfway asleep silhouette whispering to him what it needed as it had done plenty of times before. Karl knew you well enough to know what you needed after you got into his vodka stash. He certainly enjoyed drinking with you but the mornings after were even better. So much so that the lord of metal sometimes fucked you up entirely on purpose, refilling your glass faster than you could decline the highly alcoholic offerings.

“Oh, sugar, let daddy help with that, hm?” He cooed into your ear in a smooth whisper, his warm breath gently stroking along the shell of your ear and the skin of your neck coaxing a soft rush of goosebumps to wash along.

“Hm-hmm…” You agreed with a sleep-drunken tone and a wobbly nod of your pounding head.

The ache pulsing away inside of your skull rendered you regretful towards the copious drinks you had knocked back the night prior but once the booze hit you, you couldn’t find it in you to stop. It felt purely too good, the loss of inhibition accompanied by the warm buzz growing in your guts and you knew just fine that Karl enjoyed it, too. Besides, what else, really, was there to do at the factory since the dust around mother dearest had settled? Fucking and drinking had turned into the main attractions next to rebuilding the land around the factory.

A groan heavy with remorse slipped from your lips as you tried opening your eyes for a moment. Immediately back to the soothing dark of your eyelids before another jolt of pain could shoot right to the forefront of your head.

“It's okay, keine Sorge, you can be a sleepy pillow princess for me while I take good care of that gnarly hangover, buttercup.” The soothing words slithered into your ear as you turned your hip to give Karl enough access, effectively pressing the round of your ass along his muscular thighs once more.

“Hell, so needy today? Daddy better be quick.” The sly grin plastered on his face was audible as your truly desperate way to gather his attention went straight to his rapidly hardening cock.

Karl's lips peppered a few quick pecks to your earlobe whilst his calloused fingers snaked along your hip down to your panty. To not just give in to your need immediately, his fingertips brushed over the thin layer of fabric to cup your pussy with the full width of his palm. His warmth seeped into the increasingly dampening cloth immediately and sent a tingle through your lower abdomen. Karl's hand pressed lightly, caressing your cunt to draw the focus from the pain emitting from sore and thoroughly toxicated synapses and you couldn't keep yourself from rolling your hips into his gentle grasp, it made you feel too good to not do.

“Could ride yaself all fuzzy on my thigh later, sugar, I bet you'd love that, huh? Get yourself all silly and wet until the pain goes away, no?” Just the way Karl talked to you, pulled a new gush of arousal from amidst your legs to soak through the panties and a breathy moan spilled from your lips as you felt the heat creeping up into your cheeks, giving you away.

“Ah, thought so.”, Karl clicked his tongue, playfully taunting you a little, “I know how you need'ta chase those orgasms when your hungover, makes it all so much easier n’ don't worry, I'll make you cum so many times that you can't walk tomorrow.” He sealed his lewd promise with a kiss to your cheek before languidly stroking over your gradually more needy cunt.

“Mhmm, thank you, Daddy.” You quipped in response, knowing that it rendered your lover a little more feral with each time.

“Nothing but the best, für meine Liebe.” The tip of his nose nudged against the shell of your ear as his fingers slowly started worked you.

“Love you touching me like that so much.” You whined, buttering him further up whilst the wish for his fingers to sneak past the lacey fabric grew.

“N’ I fuckinh love fingering that pretty pussy just as much, sugar.”, just as if to prove that he knew your own body better than you yourself, Karl led his fingertips to play over the seams of your string, edging it to the side little by little, “Imma have my fingers right up in that wet hot cunt all day long.”

With every further brush of his broad fingers his breath alongside yours turned more labored and shallow.

“Please…” You begged unto him, the tease growing nearly unbearable.

“Fuck it, can hardly wait either.” The words hadn't properly rolled over Karl's tongue as his fingers were spearheading through your slick-soaked folds already, dragging down for his index- and middle finger to thrust inside you whilst the thick pad of his thumb nudged your throbbing clit.

The doubled stimulation sent an almost electric jolt of pleasure through your entire body and straight into your head, making you effectively forget about the hammering ache in your skull for a moment because the ache between your thighs gained the high ground.

“Hmm, yeah, that's better, buttercup.”, He sneered, his fingers stroking and curving against your insides in a devilishly slow pace that led you to arch yourself against them, “Fuck, so wet for me, good girl. There you go, fuck Daddy's fingers.”

Moving with his fingers, you jutted your hips, the lewd squelching sound of Karl's digits rutting in and back out of you repeatedly, filling the gloomy bedroom and being joined by poorly choked-back moans. The forming soundscape intoxicated Karl and fogged his mind to the point where it went entirely past him how he himself grinded his waist against your side to alleviate the pressure in his pulsing and twitching cock held back by the confines of his boxers, pre-cum leaking through the cotton. If it wouldn't have been for the raging hangover, he'd fuck you stupid on the spot and gotten himself balls-deep inside of you until you were a cock-drunk, babbling mess but that had to wait. He'd coax and pull two or three orgasms out of you before getting his dick properly wet.

“Fuck…shit…” Your breaths came quick and shallow, your rib cage fluttering up and down whilst your muscles started to tense up with every flick of his thumb.

“There, there… issok, let yourself go.” His lips pressed a sloppy kiss behind your ear, the pleasurable tingle nearly sending you over the threshold, however, you kept yourself tethering right at the edge with your pelvis thrusting against Karl's fingers harshly now.

You felt your insides clench around his fingers, worked-up muscles starting to contract in the first spasms of an explosive orgasm that rippled through your entire body. For mere seconds all the pain was washed from your system and instead flooded with the purest of bliss. The coil inside your stomach had snapped and with it, warm and soothing ecstasy sprung from one nerve ending to the next like a spark that carried the raging fire to the entire forest.

Karl didn't bother to move his fingers by just an inch, not until every last orgasmic contraction had faded and left his hand covered in your release. A meak wince fell from your lips as he left your cunt empty and instead brought the fingers up to his mouth, sucking them clean in feral enthusiasm.

“How ‘bout you sit that pretty pussy on my face next, huh?

[acourtofthought]

My husband finally put into words for me something that has been the main problem with this whole Anti Gwynriel because of Gwyn's past narrative.

According to Anti's, it's not ok to ship Gwyn with Az because she's not healed enough and hasn't shown that she's ready for a relationship.

According to Anti's, fanart of Gwynriel in provocative positions are not appropriate because it's disrespectful to Gwyn due to her SA, that she needs to first give verbal consent before we're allowed to imagine what a HEA for Gwynriel might look like.

And at first, it almost feels like a gotcha for them because you question whether you're disrespecting real survivors by saying, "she doesn't need to give consent for us to ship them since it's a book." This statement is true, I don't think readers should be forced to abide by real world morals when it comes to possible paths a characters arc might take, however it makes you pause for a moment to question whether what you're saying is disrespectful to those who have been victims.

But he actually flipped that entire thing on it's head when he said, "if the issue is about consent, then why is only being applied to a SA victim? Shouldn't consent be applied to everyone?"

It was kind of a lightbulb moment for me because those Anti's never vocalize how it's wrong for people to ship Eris & Az, Mor & Emerie, Vassa & Lucien (SA victim), Lucien, Jurian & Vassa, the LoA & Helion (because at this point they are not a consenting pair), Nesta & Eris. There are a bunch of non canon, non consent ships in this series and nobody has an issue with those. Nobody takes up the crusade arguing that it's wrong for people in the fandom to imagine those pairings together or drawing fanart of them in NSFW positions. Most of the time they're celebrated but has Emerie consented to having a sexual relationship with Mor? All she did was call her beautiful and Feyre had done the same in ACOMAF. Why do they never call out fanart of that pairing? Or Neris after Nesta harshly rejected him? Where Eris is currently suffering torture at the hands of Beron and we've got no clue as to his sexual preference. Also, Elain only consented to a fully clothed kiss in the bonus (remember, she grew up with human morals which she still holds fast too, she didn't jump right into bed with Graysen), we have no evidence she wanted more yet there's plenty of NSFW E/riel artwork out there and I'm betting some existed before SF, before she even consented to a kiss.

The only time I've ever heard anyone argue for consent or argue against NSFW art is in relation to Az and Gwyn and the message they're sending is that only female characters who have been SA need to give consent before fans should be shipping them.

That's when the shipping agenda makes itself known because if no other non-canon / non-consenting pairing disturbs them to the point they need to create post after post surrounding how wrong people are for shipping them, then it's clear to see that it's only Gwyn being shipped with Az that they take issue with and when only E/riels make these arguments, it seems highly suspect.

Gwyn's SA is irrelevant in terms of consent because EVERYONE should have consent before engaging in physical acts with others no matter their past. However, Gwyn's SA should not be the weight dragging her character down, the scarlet letter on her chest that means the fandom isn't allowed to give her the same treatment that all other characters receive. Where we're free to imagine and create fanart / fanfiction / headcanons (even the NSFW variety) for any pairing that we desire, regardless of their past or preference, even those who have never expressed romantic interest towards one another, except for Gwyn.

Consent in the actual book will be important but consent having already been given in our imaginations so we can imagine possibilities beyond what is currently written is the right of any reader.

[starry-blue-echoes]

I've been playing Cult of the Lamb recently and it reminded me of your Cult of the Diamond Au. How would Jotaro or Joesph fit in? I mean, they're basically Josuke's father figures here (despite the fact that Jotaro is technically his nephew and Joesph isn't exactly... all there). Maybe Iolite for Joesph, and just Platinum for Jotaro? or maybe Opal? Opal is usually representative of the ocean and water, fitting for the Ocean Man himself.

Or how about Reimi? Rose Quartz? I can see her as the one who watches over the hall of fallen soldiers. Would Aya be roped in at some point? She could be a Morganite or Coral, if she doesn't get killed that is. Speaking of killings, what about Kira? Are they going to give him a deific name too? Maybe to draw him out of hiding or force others to be on the lookout?

If he does get one, maybe Moissanite or Cubic Zirconia, both of which are used as artificial Diamonds, and could be sold as the Real Evil in this Cult instead of the Sapphire. Or perhaps a Ruby? Rubies represent fire and heat, great for explosions. There are also plenty of gemstones that are deadly too, like Asbestos. Yeah, I was shocked too when I found out it was a crystal. there's also Cinnabar, Chalcanthite, and Orpiment as well.

Yeah, I know Josuke says that The Sapphire is only the Opposite of the Diamond, but people will still see things in black and white. And if the Diamond is sold as good and the Sapphire is the opposite, then what's the opposite of good? Some people are still going to see the Sapphire as evil so if we have something to call truly call evil then the blame will be shifted from Okuyasu to Kira.

I also have an idea for a Cult-like au for Stardust Crusaders. Do Cults not go on Crusades to convert more followers?

TGDVJDVMDVD YOU KNOW I STARTED THIS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THIS WAS POST PART 4 BUT THIS BEING DURING IS SO MUCH FUNNIER-

like. slowly for years Josuke has (albeit accidentally) been creating this cult. He keeps his identity a secret because of how young he was to play on the safer side and every few weeks he puts on his disguise with Crazy D and makes his rounds around the hospital. Little does he know he's slowly amassed a rather large following that are really dedicated to him and what he does

I'd imagine it's only when Jotaro enters the picture that Josuke actually begins the realize just how much social/religious power he's amassed and is very happy he's kept his identity as The Great Diamond secret. Don't get him wrong, he does like the attention, but he's also pretty confident this wouldn't go over super well with his mom and would attract WAY more attention than he initially intended to get. Plus, he likes being able to have Just A Regular Highschool Social Life thank you very much

he does need to be careful around other Stand Users. Luckily most of them are onboard with it since Josuke isn't taking advantage of these people or asking them anything in return, and the ones that aren't are usually able to be intimidated into silence if need be. And if they don't...... yeah they're not going to get a lot of people to believe him, Josuke's had YEARS of helping the Morioh people, and they're going to stick by him

also, I had a sort of idea? Like, to keep identities hidden and lives separate, Josuke uses Crazy Diamond to make not quite costumes, but semi elaborate outfits using some items and rearranging everything in a way that it looks physically impossible to create with normal means. All it took was some old clothes, metal plates, plastics and some other miscellaneous things and bam he had a full outfit reminiscent of that of his Stand that was both impossible to remove without Crazy D's power and completely hid his identity

(also, I forgot to mention this, but I'm working off the idea that Josuke and the other Stand Users involved are all being seen as "vessels" for their respective assigned god. Did they plan ahead for when they eventually died and their Stands disappeared? no, not at all, they genuinely didn't realize how far things had gotten)

I love the idea of Jotaro becoming The Opal. He would definitely become a protective, somewhat guiding figure. The Opal is known for his strength, his speed, his cunning. He is the unstoppable force whose protective reach knows no bounds, who will reign down untold fury like a tsunami if any of his fellow Gemstones are harmed. He is someone who is to be respected and not messed with, but there is no doubt he will always do what is in the best interest for others (the second Jotaro saw how devoted Josuke's following was he all but demanded to be present for at least a few of the "meetings" just to make sure Josuke wasn't in too deep and that he wasn't going to get hurt)

Joseph on the other hand is more of a distant protector, sort of a patron for the elderly. The Iolite is someone who is wise, albeit often vague and a bit confusing at times. They are experienced and have seen so much the world has to offer, and now they spend the rest of their days being allowed the weakness that comes with age

BIG YES WITH REIMI. The Rose Quartz is someone who watches over the deceased but also ensures their unfinished business is dealt with. She watches over than and serves as the bridge between the land of the living and the land of the dead, and is known as one who can pass on the messages and prayers of those alive to their loved ones. She's essentially a Goddess of Death, but a kind one who cares for all the souls who pass on

If Aya doesn't die, she's definitely one of the Stand Users who's more of a "minor" god. She'll pop in on occasion for an appearance or two every few months if available, but mostly sticks to her beautician work.

while I do think Kira might get turned into a sort of boogie man later down the line, I also think that Josuke would do whatever he could to keep them uninvolved. After all, they're just Normal People. They're not equipped to deal with a hidden serial killer, plus he doesn't want to risk revealing his identity if Kira connects the dots. The Ruby could be a good option, maybe becoming something of a "fallen god." The Ruby could be known for selfishness, cruelty and a general lack of care for others. Maybe something to do with "The Ruby had the power and ability to do good, but chose to harm others instead with the gifts he was given"

and ooooooooooo I really like the possible thing with Okuyasu. Maybe in the beginning when they first introduced The Sapphire it was all good but started being misunderstood, so all the main people involved had a big brainstorming session to try and figure things out. Eventually they landed on villainizing Kira (bastard deserved it honestly), and slightly shifting the word usage of how they described The Sapphire. Instead of just leaving it at "The Sapphire is the opposite of The Great Diamond" they made it more "The Great Diamond heals bad things and The Sapphire gets rid of the bad completely." This way it keeps them being opposites, but puts them in the much more positive light of Different Methods, Similar Outcome

as for the last bit, I'm going to be competently honest, I misread it and my first thought was "Josuke going on a crusade to Italy and accidentally fucking with the plot"

[tomboyjessie13-artblog]

I finished the drawing I promised, this took longer than it should've because I've drawn Polnareff fully before nor have I've drawn Avdol, I worked really hard trying to get these two accurate, that and I got distracted by the internet again. That being said, onto the story(I think I created a "Pulp Fiction" scenario with it).

This drawing is a prequel to this: Link, which fully explains how she ended up in the hospital as seen here: Link The drawing here also takes place after this: Link ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After their run in with Mariah and Alessi, the Crusaders and Medea drive back to Aswan from Luxor to rest and tell the hospitalized Kakyoin about their experiences(and poke fun at Medea for her plans backfiring).

During their down time, Medea returns to the hotel to take a shower and get some fresh clothes because she got dirtied up when Jotaro dropped kicked her during the fight in Luxor, with Avdol and Polnareff keeping her company since she's not allowed to be alone(what with being an agent of DIO and all). While in the shower, the body foundation Medea's been using on herself got washed off, revealing a bunch of bite-like welts on her back and her neck, which hurts every time she showers in hot water. 

During which, Medea starts getting a bad feeling that something isn't right, she can't explain it but she feels like something bad is about to happen to her, and [Flogging Molly] urges her to get help, but she refuses to...

It wasn't until she started feeling hot and tired that the feeling start growing worse, and it only escalated further when she starting feeling dizzy, breathless, and cold to the touch, as well as [Flogging Molly] starting to fizz out. That's when she got out of the shower and looked herself in the mirror, she sees that her skin's becoming mottled and pale, and the area around her welts have become redder and darker, she panicked when she realized that these are signs of Blood Poisoning. 

Medea started screaming for help until Polnareff overheard her and was shocked to find her in such a state, Avdol even saw the welts and identified them as Vampire bites. They took her back to the hospital and once inside, Avdol told the others that Medea's sick and needs help.

While examining the infection, they found out that this was caused by DIO(thanks to the SPW Doctors testing the blood and Iggy smelling the bites) as it has Vampiric properties, so Joseph and the SPW Doctors started taking care of this problem until about an hour later, they were able to remove the Vampiric properties with Hamon and stabilize the infection so now it can be treated normally, saving Medea's life. Afterwards, the Crusaders came together and theorized how did this happen and why DIO gave her Blood Poisoning, eventually coming to the conclusion that he infected her with it as a fail safe in case she fails her Mission similar to a fleshbud, and that someone must've ratted her out about her failure(Spoiler Alert: it was Hol Horse but it wasn't his fault), meaning she's no longer useful to DIO. 

When they told Medea this theory, she finally breaks down crying and admits to them how she truly feels about DIO:

She only joined his side just to get revenge on Jason and because she felt bad for him being hurt by Jonathan, but she's more scared of him than she is loyal to him, she never wanted to be involved with his century long grudge nor witness the horrors caused by him and his agents in the first place. 

She also admits to losing her chastity to him months prior, which explains the Vampire bites and why she has to hide them with makeup, she didn't want anyone to find out and calls herself a filthy slut(Polnareff: Don't say that! You're not a slut!).

After hearing this, the group realized that Medea is in serious danger and in pain, so they have to admit her to the hospital with Kakyoin. While Jotaro commented that they now don't have a mole, Avdol mentions that her safety and recovery is the highest priority right now, they would have to find DIO's Mansion by themselves. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Medea King belongs to me

[candyk0rn]

How I think the part 4 gang would be like in a relationship!

Kind of a continuation of my stardust crusaders relationship headcanons

Includes: Josuke, Okuyasu, Rohan, Koichi, and Yukako!

Josuke:

Okay so

We are up to a wacky start

Despite Josuke being very outgoing, he’s rather shy in a relationship

He’s always worried that he’s going to do something to upset you

And that’s constantly on his mind so expect a lot of worried glances and such

But once you two get close enough he starts being a lot more comfortable around you

And he starts calling you more cheesy nicknames and holding you in public

He kisses you a lot actually, not really full on kisses but quick little pecks on your temple and cheek

If you have longer hair, expect long hours of him combing it and styling it

Also he is constantly asking you to play video games with him and if you do it’s a win win

Obviously

Even if you are just sitting and watching him he still likes it

Just you in his company is calming to him

You better be close to Okuyasu because he’s gonna be the third wheel A LOT

Expect lots of dinner dates to Tonio’s

It’s one of the only things Josuke can think of

Josuke also loves shopping dates and trying on clothes with you

And man does he have good taste

He also cracks dad jokes a lot...so get used to that

He also tends to get over-protective if anybody comes your way

Overall, 10/10 boyfriend

Okuyasu:

Okuyasu is probably the loudest person in the entire group

He’s also one of the sweetest!

He likes cuddling and hugging you 24/7

He also loves to show you off, “ Oi Josuke, look at how great Y/N looks today!!!”

He loves pampering you and just caring for you

He’s rather clumsy though, so keep a close eye on him

He’s surprisingly a super good cook too!

He always makes homemade meals and when you ask what his secret is he says, “ If I told you it wouldn’t be a secret anymore!”

Which means The Hand obviously helped big time

He is always holding your hand in public, but if you aren’t into PDA then he is fine with leaving you be

I think his biggest love language is giving gifts so expect random gifts literally EVERYWHERE all the time

He is a very reckless guy so you probably need to discipline him and tell him what’s safe and what’s not

One of his favorite things to do is travel so hopefully you two can go different places together

Also beach days are a must

Rohan:

Rohan is a very self absorbed person so somebody who could show him the better things in life would be helpful

Expect lots of time away from each other- unless you can draw as well and spend time in his office with him

When you two do have free time however, he doesn’t mind physical touch.

He also is always buying you things and spoiling you, with things like jewelry, clothes, etc

Hopefully you can handle things like cooking and cleaning, he doesn’t have much time for that

You also get free signed copies of his manga so you get free bragging rights 😏

When in public, the most PDA he will do is maybe put his arm around your shoulder

Also don’t touch his hair

It’s gotta be in tact

He probably isn’t as strict about his hair than Josuke but..

He’s still strict

Rohan actually gets super stressed very easily

Deadlines are not a small deal

So if you can massage his back or something he is forever in debt to you

He also uses your body as a pose reference

He finds your body so incredibly beautiful and wants to make sure you know it

Koichi:

This guy

This boy

He is the nicest most heartwarming out of them all

HES JUST??SO??NICE??

He’s always holding your hand and hugging you

He loves to make you things, like little pieces of origami or little snacks to give to you.

He is a very understanding person and if you ever needed space or something he would completely understand and give you want you wanted

He’s a very comforting person as well

((Also I head canon his hands are freaking soft))

He likes baking with you, especially cakes and/or brownies

He’s also quite smart! So if you are ever struggling with homework he is always ready to help!

He likes being the little spoon when sleeping, but if he was the big spoon that would be HILARIOUS

He likes it when you rant about something that you find important to you, like when you just go on and on about something you love

He finds it adorable

He just likes to sit and listen, and he’s content knowing you trust him enough to talk about the things you love to him

Yukako:

Ahahaha you better brush her hair 🔫😐

Yukako is clingy but hopefully you like that

If you wear makeup, GOOD! She loves putting it on you

She loves shopping dates and buying you things

Especially clothes

She feels very possessive over you, and follows you around a lot

She clings to your arm no matter where you are

Literally everywhere

If you are more on the feminine side, that’s great! She loves shopping for skirts and makeup with you, same with different hair products

If you are more masculine, that’s also Fantastic ! She loves having somebody big and strong protecting her

She’s always showing you off to her school friends and such

Hopefully you are okay with this

She will try to understand if you aren’t

But it’s hard for her to consume that

Thanks for reading!

[soupbabe]

hi i had seen you did the crusaders with a chubby s/o but i was wondering if you can do one with the duwang gang and a chubby s/o? please and thank you king!

Part 4 characters w a Chubby! S/O

Did I extend this to more than the Duwang Gang? Yea. Why? Because everyone in jjba would love and spoil a chubby S/O. Araki told me himself it's canon

Josuke Higashikata

He really isn't one to focus on looks in a relationship

The first thing he would love about you would be your personality, it's just a plus that you have a nice body !!

Literally you are so perfect to him omg he can't help but to smile like an idiot when you're around

On the weekends/during summer break when you're not in your school uniform and just a pair of shorts and a tank top he just melts omg

You look so good!! He's respectful with it and not roaming his eyes everywhere, but that won't stop his blushing when he sees your plush form walking over to him

He loves your thick thighs so much

Perfect pillows for when he's having a rough day

When spending time together he will do anything he can just so he can lay down on your thighs

Sometimes when you both are getting ready to go to bed he does it and lets you comb your fingers through his hair

Okuyasu Nijimura

I do headcanon Okuyasu as a bit chubby so in my mind he has no room to judge

Not that he would in the first place

First time he saw you he (not so subtlety) whispered to Josuke that he thought you were hot

He would want to hug you so much and be all over you

You're just really soft to him and like?? It's heaven

Dates to Tonio's is a must

You're a growing y/n he has to treat you right

Please don't be insecure about eating in front of him, he's literally the best at making an atmosphere more comfortable

His favorite part of you might be your chubby cheeks

He enjoys squishing them from time to time, lovingly calling them your "chipmunk cheeks"

Koichi Hirose

A lot of characters in this aren't the shallow type and Koichi is no exception!

You're just so nice and caring towards him it just makes his heart go fast around you

Absolutely loves holding your chubby hands they're just so soft to him and so comforting

Same with hugs he loves getting hugs from you

Yea it leaves him a blushing mess but it's so worth it

He loves laying on your big tummy so much

He could easily fall asleep, face buried in the soft flesh

Probably the best sleep he got, would recommend sleeping on a chubby y/n again

Rohan adores chubby bodies

Rohan Kishibe

Loves giving you designer clothes

Plus if you're more confident in yourself, it makes him like 3x more attractive omg

You look so pretty/handsome/whatever you prefer when the clothes he bought you bring out your favorite parts of your body and your curves

He loves drawing you so much

He calls you his muse a lot

If you're ever having one of those bad days where your body doesn't just "look right" to you, Rohan would simply tell you that you're very attractive and that there's nothing to worry about

Later on he would show you all of his drawings of you, capturing your beauty like no other

Hell, he could take a tiny insecurity like a double chin and make it look like the prettiest thing to exist in his artwork

He loves your stretch marks so much

When you two have the down time to just do nothing but be lazy in bed, he loves tracing them in silence

Yoshikage Kira

This man doesn't care what you look like

You only got his attention when your hands touch when he dropped something and you went to give it back to him

Yes, he usually went for slim, more feminine hands, but yours was just so soft and he thought your chubby little fingers were the cutest

Although you weren't a Mona Lisa, he still was a changed man

It was then when he saw the rest of you and thought that you were stunning

He checked his watch, mentally cursed himself for running late to work

He gave you a business card with his number on it and asked you out to lunch as a thank you

He loves having lunch with you

You two holding hands while you both talked about your day was the highlight of his

He loves giving you rings and watches, he thinks it just makes your hands shine through and he says that you deserve to be pampered

That being said he absolutely loves your hands

How his slender and somewhat bony fingers perfectly fit with your pudgy ones makes him smile

Yukako Yamagishi

Oh you're perfect to her!

So soft, you're like her personal teddy bear!

It's surprising if your self esteem hasn't risen even a little bit once you're with her

She loves complementing you so much

Will steal your clothes

And guess what.

She's another character I headcanon as plus size so you both are going to be stealing each others clothes

Best home cooked meals wow

Will make sure you get everything you need and aren't skipping meals

She would be so scary if she finds out that you aren't taking care of yourself

She cannot choose her favorite part of you

You ask her and she will say all of the above

Toshikazu Hazamada

He doesn't get out much tbh

I'll be honest anime/manga has definitely risen his expectations when it comes to appearance for a s/o

Gotta wait til he gets humbled shorter if you ever want to be with him

By then he should get it through his head that not everyone is going to have the flat stomach or big muscles as anime might have him believe

I feel like after that he might be open to collecting more diverse anime figurines, including the cute chubby anime mascots you can find online

When you said that you had feelings for him he grew so flustered that he actually accepted

It doesn't matter what you really look like to him anymore, if you like him he would like you back

Please let him sit in your lap and let him hug you

Would constantly suggest you to cosplay a character from his figurine collection

He wants his anime fav come to life you would make him so happy

Something just tells me that he would really like flabby arms tbh

The feeling of your squishy arms around him when you two hug makes his heart go so fast and his face so red

Loves cuddling up and laying his head on your arms

[absolutepokemontrash]

MC’s Half Demon and They Look Awfully Familiar Part 4

(The side characters strike again!)

Part 1 Part 2 Lessons 1-5 Part 2.5 Group Retreat Lessons 10-12 Part 3

L!MC= Lucifer’s kid | M!MC= Mammon’s kid | A!MC=Asmo’s kid

Let’s get right to it!

The Uncle That Hardcore Simps For His Spouse In the Most Wholesome Way (Diavolo)

Gasp! More half-demon kids? Oh my! Maybe if he tried again next year a kid of his own would pop down! Hang on- he hadn’t slept with a human in almost a century... dang. No kids for him...

...maybe...

Remember when I said Diavolo would try to do those stereotypical dad (tm) things and be hip with the kids? Yeah he keeps doing that.

The number of broken windows related to wayward baseballs goes up 150%. At least that’s how they all figured out that M!MC is nearsighted like their dad!

M!MC had developed a bit of a habit of telling Diavolo about cool human stuff and making the Crown Prince even more interested in the human world than normal.

You may be thinking “what’s so bad about that?” well, the number of yo-yos at RAD went up so high that Lucifer had to ban them.

Belphie and Satan, being the rebels they are, became yo-yo masters specifically to spite Lucifer.

It was sort of like the fidget spinners craze if you were in school for that.

Oh, hi Lord Diavolo. What’s a fidget spinner? It’s this- I should stop talking...

Since no one learned their lesson from the previous incident, Diavolo threw another BBQ.

“Why are we doing this again?” L!MC asked to no one in particular.

“Don’t worry, L!MC. I’ve taken every precaution possible to make sure that what happened last time doesn’t happen again.” Diavolo said and continued in his crusade to cover the entire pathway with sidewalk chalk doodles.

L!MC, Luke, Diavolo, M!MC, Belphie, and A!MC were all busily drawing a wide variety of doodles and drawings with chalk while the other guests milled around nearby. A!MC was in the middle of drawing quite the nice looking Cerberus chibi, while M!MC and Belphie were drawing a lot of stick figures. L!MC and Luke had just finished a wonderful drawing of... an alpaca? Giraffe? Thing...? Hell, even they didn’t know what it was.

Diavolo looked over at M!MC’s stick figure army with a big smile on his face. “So what are all of them doing? It looks like that one’s flying!”

You could practically hear the Addam’s Family theme play as M!MC and Belphie looked at each other and grinned.

“Oh Belphie was just talking about L!MC’s flying lesson fails and I felt that an artist’s rendition was needed.” M!MC explained, he began to point out certain doodles. “Here’s L!MC getting up off the ground, then there’s them actually flying, and this is them falling in the fountain.”

L!MC looked over at the chalk and glared at M!MC. “It’s generous to call that an artist’s rendition. It looks like crap.”

“And what did you draw?” Belphie smirked at the alpaca-giraffe-thing, Luke protectively covered up the drawing (side note, Luke was wearing white and playing with sidewalk chalk, by the end of the day he looked like a walking pride flag).

“None of your business!” Luke huffed.

“And what about that one?” Diavolo seemed completely oblivious to the hostility brewing between the two groups, A!MC was completely used to this and walked away to grab a drink.

“Ah, good eye, Lord Diavolo!” M!MC chirped. “This is a drawing of the time L!MC almost burned down your kitchen.”

Diavolo laughed and gave M!MC a few pats on the head. “Very accurate!”

“You’re so lucky I followed the rules and didn’t bring a water gun...” L!MC growled as they slowly reached for their backpack.

“Yeah... lucky. Real lucky...” M!MC nodded as they tried to casually reach for their bag, Belphie followed suit.

“I’m so glad we all followed the rules.” Luke smiled, his own hand inching towards his bag.

There was a brief moment of stillness before the four of them whipped out their water guns and pointed them at each other.

“This BBQ ain’t big enough for the both of us!” M!MC’s terrible cowboy impression aside, their gun was poised to shoot directly at Luke and L!MC’s alpaca-giraffe-thing.

“Everyone, I know this is a human world tradition but-”

Belphie silenced Diavolo by pointing his water gun at him. “Sh, don’t talk unless you have a water gun as well.”

Deciding not to smite Belphie for treason, Diavolo pulled his own water gun out of his shirt. “Okay, what now?”

“Now, we’re in a standoff...” L!MC glowered at M!MC, the air was practically crackling with hostility...

Until a burst of flames got everyone to whirl around to see A!MC with hairspray and a lighter.

“No water guns! I refuse to go home shivering and covered in grass again!”

Crisis averted. Everyone went to go fail at throwing beanbags into a hole instead of shooting each other.

That was probably for the best... Belphie filled everyone’s water guns with paint.

The Uncle That Does All the Cooking for Family Dinners (Barbatos)

Remember how I said that Barbs liked smol Lucifer? Yea, he likes smol Asmo too. Smol Asmo is willing to admit that they don’t know how to use an oven and is willing to learn.

M!MC is formally banned from being within 50 feet of the kitchen. It’s for the best.

A!MC often tries to get Barbatos to look into the possible futures so they can see if they can avoid messing anything up and A!MC is just so adorable that Barbatos actually thinks about it.

He still says no every single time.

“Could you at least tell me if I have the possibility of doing something embarrassing in the near future?”

“My apologies, A!MC, but no.”

“P-please?”

“The answer remains the same.”

A!MC sighed and went back to helping chop vegetables. Under Barbatos’ tutelage, A!MC’s cooking ability had increased tenfold, they could now make as many burgers as they wanted without worrying about burning down the kitchen.

Pitying the anxious half-demon, Barbatos sighed. “I cannot confirm nor deny a future where your outfit gets ruined.”

A!MC perked up. “H-huh?”

“I cannot confirm nor deny a future where your outfit gets ruined.”

Quickly understanding what Barbatos was trying to do, A!MC quickly nodded and spent the rest of the cooking time carefully taking note of their surroundings.

“Hey! What’re you guys doin’?” M!MC had managed to get in... damn! Everyone must have been putting their best efforts in keeping Solomon away from the kitchen and forgot about M!MC...

“We’re just finishing up, M!MC,” Barbatos had on his ‘oh no...’ smile. “We don’t need any help.”

“Really? You guys sure?”

“Why are you so interested?” A!MC asked.

“Lucifer said that idle hands are the devil’s playthings and that I should go look for something productive to do.” M!MC huffed. “Very ironic phrase.”

“F-fine, I guess you can...” A!MC searched for the least destructive task they could give. “Take the utensils and set the table.”

M!MC gave them a mock salute and grabbed the utensils, as they turned to leave, they knocked a large bowl of chopped fruit over, sending the fruit pieces flying.

Remembering Barbatos’ prediction, A!MC didn’t bother to try and stop the fruit from falling, they only grabbed the nearest big plate they could find and shielded their outfit from harm. The fruit splattered harmlessly against the shield.

“Whoops... my bad. You alright, A!MC?” M!MC asked as A!MC inspected their outfit.

“Y-yes actually...” A!MC turned to Barbatos, who was already getting the cleaning supplies.

“Thank you!” A!MC whispered.

Barbatos smiled and nodded. “You’re very welcome, A!MC.”

Barbatos now has two sorta-children. A!MC and Luke!

M!MC means well, I swear! He just shouldn’t be allowed in a cooking environment!

The Cousin That Your Mom Points at and Goes “Look at Him, He Helps With the Dishes, Be More Like Him.” (Simeon)

Oh man... time for some more embarrassing stories.

“Asmo was the most adorable child, it’s a shame he was such a troublemaker...”

“Really? My dad?”

“What about mine?”

“I think you can guess.”

I cannot comment on Simeon’s help with flying lessons because I refuse to Headcanon what Simeon’s wings look like until canon gives us a GLIMMER. LIKE SERIOUSLY SOLMARE IM CURIOUS-

I have a feeling the children were quite curious as well.

“What do you think his wings look like?” M!MC asked A!MC as the two peered around the corner of one of the hallways in Purgatory Hall.

“I bet they’re super nice. But besides that...” A!MC leaned over and squinted. “Why is Simeon writing with a pen and pencil? He’s writing a book... shouldn’t he use a computer?”

“Bold of you to assume he knows how to use a computer.” M!MC snickered.

A!MC frowned. “Don’t be mean... I’m sure he knows how...”

Simeon picked up his DDD and took a picture of his face, seemingly by accident, with the flash on, causing him to drop the phone in surprise.

“Probably...”

The two surveyed their angel friend like two wildlife documenters, here we see, the Simeon, not in his natural habitat, surrounded by confusing technology...

“Do you think if we scare him his wings might pop out in surprise?” M!MC wondered aloud, A!MC shrugged.

“Maybe... but I don’t think we should bother him...” A!MC whispered. “He looks busy.”

“What are you two doing?”

It took literally every bit of willpower for the two half demons to not scream in absolute terror at the sudden interruption.

Ah... it was just Solomon... in an apron... Solomon... in cooking clothes...

Oh no.

“Spying on Simeon?” Solomon asked.

“N-no...” A!MC giggled nervously. “Just crouching casually in this hallway...”

“...smooth, A!MC.” M!MC rolled their eyes.

“Well, it’s great that you two are here, I made lunch!”

A!MC and M!MC looked at each other in pure horror, they needed to get out of there!

“Uh- um... we’d love to but...” M!MC looked around frantically before just pointing at a random spot behind Solomon. “LOOK! A DISTRACTION!”

A!MC and M!MC ran out of there as fast as their legs could carry them. Finding out if Simeon had wings was not worth being poisoned. Not at all...

Good ol’ Simeon... Mr. Cristopher Peugeot on the other hand- M!MC had some questions for him.

“TSL is literally the most popular book series ever, does that mean you’re completely loaded?”

“Oh, no I’m not, I don’t have any use for human world money in the Celestial Realm. All the profits go to charity.”

“...Dude really?”

“That’s nice of you, Simeon!”

“You didn’t keep any of it..?”

Wait... Who the Hell Are You..? (Solomon)

So A!MC basically has three dads; Fabulous-dad, butler-dad, and wizard-dad!

“So you just... have capes lying around?”

“Yes, would you like a cape?”

“Okay if they don’t take the cape I want it.”

Solomon shows up to RAD with his nails painted different wacky styles every week, courtesy of A!MC.

Though- the unholy combination that is M!MC and Solomon is feared by all.

“Road work ahead?”

“Uh, yeah I sure hope it does.”

Solomon and M!MC’s rampant quoting of vines elicited another glare from Lucifer.

Despite Solomon having literally been alive since the seven rulers of hell were angels, he had kept up with pop culture fairly decently. Decently enough that M!MC had someone that wasn’t Levi to bounce memes off.

“Pff...” M!MC suppressed a laugh at a seemingly normal water bottle advertisement. “Enslaved moisture.”

“I’m not going crazy, right Simeon? You’re hearing this too?” Lucifer tiredly turned to the angel, who shook his head.

“This is just the tip of the iceberg. Solomon quacked at M!MC earlier and they lost their minds laughing about it.” Simeon shrugged, unbothered by the sorcerer and the half demon’s rampant meme-ing behind them.

Lucifer on the other hand, was quite bothered. Incredibly bothered, if you will. “If you two don’t shut up right now I’m going to-”

“Quick! We must abscond!” Solomon turned and heelied away, followed by M!MC. The shoes that Mammon bought to replace the ones lost during the casino incident were apparently heelies as well...

The day was saved when a rock jammed one of Solomon’s wheels and he slammed face first into the concrete. Yikes... that had to hurt.

A!MC had fun glow in the dark bandaids for Solomon to patch up his face. Even though he he could heal himself with magic, he let A!MC do what they wanted because they were just too adorable to say no to.

Asmo has pictures

The Cousin Squad (tm)

(Luke, L!MC, A!MC, and M!MC)

Ah yes, the bab squad. The most adorable group in the Devildom. Surrender your candy immediately or face destruction.

M!MC teases the crap out of Luke, and A!MC tries to stop it, but L!MC is the one who manages to actually make M!MC stop.

Only L!MC gets to pick on the smol angel. GOT IT?!

A!MC and Luke are already baking buddies because of butler-dad so they get along swimmingly.

Poor Luke’s the victim of many of M!MC’s shenanigans.

Luke: Are you sure this is safe, M!MC?

M!MC (about to put mentos into the bottle of coke Luke is holding): No.

L!MC and A!MC get along really well, being honest, everyone loves A!MC.

A!MC makes sure L!MC gets some sleep because they don’t want their cousin picking up on Lucifer’s habit of living off of coffee and coffee alone. L!MC doesn’t get it but they’re very grateful anyway.

M!MC and A!MC were friends from the start. Well... M!MC decided they were friends right from the start and A!MC did not have the ability to fight the power of friendship.

M!MC: You are being befriended. Please do not resist.

Since M!MC is great and amazing like their pop, they took it upon themselves to be the friend that speaks up when A!MC is too nervous to do so.

M!MC and L!MC? Lucifer and Mammon 2 electric boogaloo. Sorta.

L!MC and M!MC bicker all the time but the babs bounce back from their fights way easier.

One minute they’re at each other’s throats and the next they’re showing each other memes.

“There’s no escaping this.”

Lucifer stood between M!MC and the door... their one way ticket to freedom...

“You need to go to the dentist.”

The entire HOL plus the Purgatory Hall crew were getting ready to go visit the dentist to get their teeth cleaned. It was the time of the year that Mammon dreaded most... and his child felt the same way.

“My teeth are fine! Lemme stay home! I’ll hold down the fort with dad!” M!MC smiled and nodded as enthusiastically as they could, but even the most unobservant person couldn’t miss the sweat beading on their forehead.

“Beel.” Lucifer snapped his fingers and before M!MC could do anything Beel had thrown them over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

“Don’t worry M!MC, the dentist isn’t that scary.” Beel tried to assure them. By the way M!MC was still kicking and screaming, they were not convinced.

“Y-yeah kiddo, suck it up! Don’t be a baby! I’m just gonna take my car there-”

“MAAAAAAMOOOON?!”

“YIKES!”

Lucifer had the important task of keeping a hold of Mammon as the very large group made their way to the dentist’s office.

A devious little idea popped into L!MC’s head as they all sat down in the waiting room. They began to hum a familiar little tune.

“She said be a deeeentiiiist~ a dentist!” L!MC sang to M!MC, who’s attempts to escape increased tenfold after hearing the song.

A!MC began to hum along, not seeming to notice the commotion going on next to them.

“Son be a deeentiiiiiist~ people will pay you for causing them PAIN! She said be a deeentiiiiiist~”

Belphie perked up and smiled deviously as he realized what L!MC was doing, he began to sing along as well. The three were a veritable choir of terror to poor M!MC. Mammon did not understand his child’s terror and was more unnerved by what a great team Belphie and L!MC made.

Satan rolled his eyes and tried to focus on his book, Asmo was absorbed in his magazine, Levi was having a very in depth conversation with the fish in the aquarium, Simeon and Solomon chatted about school, and Luke was stuck watching the train wreck go down.

Thankfully, it was halted by Lucifer. “L!MC, A!MC, Belphegor, stop tormenting M!MC with show tunes.”

“You would have made a good dentist in another life, Lucifer,” Belphie cooed. “You know what they say, the only difference between a dentist and a sadist is that one has newer magazines.”

Asmo grimaced at his magazine. “Is it the sadist? Because I’m reading a magazine from 1843...”

The conversation was interrupted by one of the dental hygienists coming into the waiting room and saying that Mammon was up first. The Avatar of Greed’s final escape attempt was foiled by Satan (not even looking up from his book) clotheslining him.

Thirty minutes later, Mammon emerged from the forbidden dentist room, with the look of trauma in his eyes and eating a lollipop.

One by one, the group went in, A!MC took it upon themselves to try and make the rapidly panicking Luke feel better.

“It won’t be too scary, in the human world dentists are usually very nice.” A!MC smiled encouragingly.

“I-I’m sure that’s true but...” Luke looked around. “We aren’t in the human world...”

Asmo skipped back in and flashed a blinding grin to the group. “Absolutely perfect, no flaws! It’s your turn, A!MC!”

“If you die I get to say I told ya so!” M!MC shouted as A!MC walked into the dentist’s room.

They did not in fact, die because of the dentist. A!MC walked out and gave a thumbs up. “The dentist said they had never seen a kid with such perfect teeth.”

“That’s my baby!” Asmo chirped.

“M!MC, you’re up.” A!MC and Beel had to practically drag the poor kid out of the room and into the dentist area of doom.

“GO BE A DEEEEEENTIIIIIIST!” Belphie and L!MC shouted one last time as the doors shut. Wow, what dickheads...

Mammon probably would have tried to save his poor little bugger, but he was in the middle an impromptu therapy session with Simeon over the scary scraping dentist knife thingie.

Beel was the last to go, and he walked out of the dentist’s room with his face covered in blood, the dentist walked out after him, missing a hand.

“You tasted like toothpaste.” Beel sighed. “Not good.”

“Don’t worry,” The dentist said to Luke, who looked like he was about to pass out. “My hand will grow back in about four to five minutes.”

Luke, still terrified, nodded. L!MC patted him on the shoulder.

“Anyway, almost all of you are fine, but I have to recommend M!MC to the orthodontist.” The dentist flipped through their notepad one-handed. “Their secondary set of fangs are coming out crooked and need to be corrected with braces immediately.”

M!MC sat calmly for a moment, then attempted to sprint out the door. “NO NO NO NO NO!” One of the dental hygienists grabbed them by the back of their shirt and halted their escape.

“Sucks to be you.” L!MC smirked.

“And L!MC needs to fix their cross bite, braces are a strong possibility.”

The colour drained from L!MC’s face as the news dawned upon them. “Pardon, but what exactly are you talking about..?”

“Your top jaw and bottom jaw aren’t properly lined up.” The dentist explained. “It will lead to problems later if it’s not fixed now.”

Lucifer rubbed his temples and sighed. “L!MC, if you try and run away I swear...”

L!MC stiffened and shook their head. “I’m not some coward, I’m not running away. Just... what exactly are you going to do to my mouth?”

The dentist pulled up a few pictures of the braces and explained what would be done. L!MC nodded, and turned to their father with a big smile on their face.

“It won’t be so bad, mind if I go to the bathroom before I get the mold for my teeth made?”

Lucifer nodded and almost audibly sighed in relief. He basked in the glory of having a child that wasn’t afraid of the dentist and faced their fears like an adult-

L!MC sprinted past the dentist’s office, they had busted out of the bathroom window.

“...Beel.”

“Yep.”

A few minutes later, Beel returned with a completely irate L!MC who was screaming their demands to be put down and be allowed to run for the hills. Taking advantage of the distraction, M!MC ran for the door again, only for Belphie to tap them on the forehead.

M!MC collapsed into a snoring heap on the floor.

“FATHER! DON’T MAKE ME DO THIS!” L!MC practically screamed as they tried to wrestle themselves out of Beel’s bear hug.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “L!MC, calm yourself down. It’s just braces.”

“AS EVERYONE HERE AS MY WITNESSES I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS! NEVER!”

The half-demons in need of braces were dragged right back into the dentist’s area... poor fools.

“They’ll be okay... right?” Luke asked.

“Of course they will be. It’s just braces.” Simeon patted Luke on the head. “They’ll both be fine.”

The scream that came from down the hall right after Simeon said that did not reassure anyone.

“Hey,” Mammon piped up. “How much do braces cost?”

“From what I know about dental procedures,” Satan rubbed his chin. “A few thousand Grimm.”

“Mammon if you try and run for that door I will cut your credit card into a thousand pieces.” Lucifer growled.

Overall, it was a fairly average trip to the dentist. 0/10 would not recommend. A few weeks later L!MC and M!MC were fitted with their mouth prisons- I mean braces, and the two cousins bonded over their horrific mouth pain...

Seriously- braces suck.

——————————————

So! Those are the headcanons! Four and a half whole parts... phew... To all the people who enjoyed this series, thank you so so much for reading! You guys have been so super nice!

Fret not, I plan on writing more for this universe! From what I know about season 2 of Obey Me things will get... interesting. Stay tuned for more! Or don’t, I can’t force you.

...or can I?

[ariel-seagull-wings]

TOP 12 WICKED QUEEN PORTRAYALS

@sunlit-music​ @mademoiselle-princesse​ @princesssarisa​ @superkingofpriderock​ @metropolitan-mutant-of-ark​ @amalthea9​ @theancientvaleofsoulmaking​ @astrangechoiceoffavourites​ @giuliettaluce​ 

Alongside the Big Bad Wolf, Cinderella’s Stepmother, The Giant from Jack and The Beanstalk, The Witch from Hansel and Gretel and Bluebeard, The Wicked Queen from Snow White is one of the most iconic fairy tale villains of all time. A lot of people come to consider her the real protagonist of the fairy tale, since is her desire to be considered the Fairest of All and her actions to keep that title what puts the narrative in motion. And today, i will rank my favorite portrayals of this fascinatingly nasty foe.

12º Miranda Richardson as Queen Elspeth in Snow White: The Fairest of Them All (2001)

Talk about being typecast: before that turn as Snow White’s Evil Queen, Richardson had portrayed an Evil Sorceress Queen and Stepmother in Jim Henson’s The Storyteller (’The Three Ravens’ episode) and she was a wicked Sorceress Stepmother in Tim Burton’s Sleep Hollow. So it was neat for her to be called for the role of the most famous Evil Sorceress Queen and Stepmother in this Hallmark TV Movie. Elspeth is the sister of a strange, mysteryous creature known as the Granter of Wishes. Having been recently released from his freezing prison, the Granter of Wishes makes a spell to make her look beautifull for human standards, and marries her to the newly crowned and widowed King John. At first she looks content with the prospect, but as time passes, she grows more and more unsatisfied. Her source of joy is the Magic Mirror that praises her beauty, and casting spells to turn gnomes into garden statues. But when the Magic Mirror says that Snow White’s beauty surpasses hers, the unsatisfaction gets mixed with paranoia, and Elspeth slowly abuses her power in constantly harming other people, until there is no magic enough...

11º Herta Kravina in Schneewitchen (1971)

This german TV Movie is the most faithfull adaptation of the Grimm’s tale original edition, not only keeping the three murder attempts by ribbon/lace/corset, hair comb and apple, but also being the only one to show the Queen dancing to death with hot iron shoes in Snow White’s wedding. This is enough to make it worth a checkout. The other reason i find this version interesting is how the Queen comunicates with the Magic Mirror: they sing to each other. And Kravina has a really good voice (no wonder she was a voice actress for Peggy Lee in the first german/dutch dub of Disney’s Lady and The Tramp). Sometimes that is enough to get a spot in a ranking.

10º Mari Yokoo/Caterina Rochiara/Regina Reagan/Carol Jacobanis as Queen Crystal in The Legend of Snow White (1994)

From the outside, Queen Chrystal appears to be calm, regal, and sophisticated, but in reality, this collected and stately facade hides an extremely sadistic, hateful, cold and sinister person. She is ruthless, jealous and obsessive and wants nothing more than to be the fairest in the land. She also has an extreme vanity that made her utterly intolerant of rivals. Being solely focused on the idea of becoming the fairest of all, Queen Chrystal does not appear to be significantly involved in governing her husband's kingdom, though the skeletal remains of prisoners in her dungeon point to her being a villainous ruler. In the end, her mad vanity and jealousy of her stepdaughter Snow White drove her to murderous insanity. Later is revealed that Queen Chrystal is not unredeamably evil as everyone thins, but an actually kind and gentle person who is possessed by an Evil Spirit. 

09º Diana Rigg as the Queen in Canon Movie Tales: Snow White (1987)

This lady is the personification of paranoia multiplied by the double. Why? Because the Magic Mirror didn’t needed to say that the little child Snow White was the fairest, this queen just feared so much that the princess’s beauty would outgrow hers that she ordered the huntsman to kill her. Basically: run, she is bad news.

08º Jeri Arredondo as Sly Fox in Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales For Every Child (1995)

Sly Fox... What a cunning diva. People try to counsel to not use alone a Magic Mirror that is a portal to the spirit world, but who says she listens? She is just there to hear the singing of her praises, and will try to eliminate anyone who gets on her way. She even goes so far as taking the appearance of the kind hearted nurse Sage Flower to lure her stepdaughter White Snow to eat the poisoned appled. What is not to love about that bastard?

07º Kazue Komiya/Arlene Banas as the Queen in Grimm’s Fairy Tale Classics (1989)

Interestingly this encarnation starts naturally cold, calm and collected, ocasionally at the princess Snow White to see if she can ever grow more beautifull than her, and dismissing the girl with contempt. It is years later that she lets go of acting calm and collected, because after hearing some gossips in the palace, she asks Snow White if she thinks of herself as more beautifull than the Queen, and her stepdaughter reacts by exclaiming that the Queen is vain and cruel, and to her eyes that makes her ugly. So besides the desire of being considered the most beautifull, you get the feeling that this Queen pursues Snow White as a way to shut a person that dares to rebell against her, wich ads new interesting dimentions to their antagonism.

06º Dorothy Cumming as Queen Brangomar in Snow White (1916)

Brangomar was once a lady in waiting of the palace. But one day, she met the powerfull Witch Rex, who offered to give Brangomar anything she wanted. And what Brangomar wanted was to become a beautifull Queen. Wich was achieved by a faustian deal where Witch Rex would cast a spell that killed Imogene, the previous Queen, while in return Brangomar would have to find a way of getting Snow White’s heart for the Witch. Years have passed, and now Brangomar  must kill the princess to pay her debt, or else everything she got will be lost. Hey, here is a way of making a villain tragic, almost simpathetic and complex while keeping clear that she is still a villain!

05º Vanessa Redgrave as the Queen in Faerie Tale Theatre (1984)

The most loud and bombastic portrayal of the Wicked Queen ever put on screen. Bringing to television her sperience from stage, that allows some more over the top emotional reactions, Redgrave had the time of her life in that role, indulging in twirling, preening and screening as much as she could, and his Queen is all the most fun for it.

04º Gudrun Landgrebe as the Queen in Schneewittchen (1992)

What i live about Landgrebe’s Queen is her range: at first she acts all humble, discreet, cold and mysteryous. Then her husband leaves to fight in a Crusade, and she trows the white veil and gray clothing of humility to show a diva red hair and orange dress, as to say “Hey, the King leaved, i have all the power here now and you must do as i say”. Later, a knight comes, offering a magical crystal ball that connected to a mirror says all the truth, and the Queen takes posession of it to ask about her beauty. When Mirror says that the most beautifull woman in the kingdom is Snow White, she gets infuriated, than goes to carefully plan ways to eliminate the princess once and for all. The highlight is when she takes the disguise of a russian male doctor to offer the apple (where she injects poison into with her ring) to Snow White.

03º Maria Antonieta de Las Nieves in El Chapulin Colorado: Blancanieves y los Siete Churín Churín Fun Flais (1978)

This three part episode of the mexican comedy superheroe show is a loving parody of the Disney version, that stands out as an enjoyable retelling of the classic fairy tale in its own right. Interestingly, while most of the comedy in the episode is delivered in the form of over the top slapistick, de Las Nieves’s delivers a straight faced, contained performance. Wich makes her answers to the absurd situations in the story all the more funny.

02º Patricia Medina as the Queen in Snow White And The Three Stooges (1961)

This lady was a hell of a foe: she not only antagonizes Snow White for the title of the Most Beautifull, going so far as to lock the princess in a dungeon for no crime at all, but also, alongside her partner in crime Count Oga, ordered a murder attempt aggainst Prince Charming when he was a child, to prevent him from marrying Snow White, and this way she could become ruller of the kingdoms of Fortunia and Bravuria. Troughout the film, you think that she could win, since she has powerfull magic, spy and a mighty army at her comand, wich makes the viewer get all the more excited on the seat, that is how enjoyable Medina’s Queen is.

And my Number One Portrayal of the Wicked Queen is...

01º Lucille La Verne as the Queen in Disney’s Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs (1937)

The first encarnation of the character that i ever saw in my childhood, and the one that still sends chills/shivers to my spine. As a young Queen, she rarely smiles, acting cold and calculating, intidimidating who is subordinate to her with the expression of her eyes and highbrows. And as a Crone, she lowdly indulges in her cruelty, offering the poisoned apple to her pet raven to scare him, and mocking the dead skeleton of a prisoner inside the castle’s dungeons. That balance between cold calculism and loud cruelty, where both are equally unsetling and scary, is something very hard to achieve, but i think this encarnation did a very good job in achieving that balance, that every other  portrayal that camed tried to draw influence from it ever since. And that’s why Disney’s Wicked Queen is my Number One portrayal.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Addi Adamets in Schneewittchen (1955), Marianne Christina Schiling in Schneewittchen (1961) and Sonja Kirchberger in Sechs Auf Einen Streich (2009)

[robininthelabyrinth]

Can you please write a second to your NMJ/WWX betrothal please, thirsty bi!WWX is best WWX (also how LWJ can enter into the dynamic) I love your writing so much 💕

part 1, part 2, part 3

“We should spar,” Nie Mingjue said one day.

That was a most unfortunate request, especially since Wei Wuxian was still crusading for him to seriously consider the three of them together –

Not together like that.

Just, you know, politically speaking, matrimonially speaking, it really all made perfect sense! 

Sure, it may have started as an impulse, but Wei Wuxian has belatedly come up with some very good reasons to justify it: he would have the backing of the Nie sect’s power and the Lan sect’s respectability, no one would be able to suggest that Nie Mingjue had married Wei Wuxian merely to gain access to his power, Lan Wangji would finally get to be with his (apparently!) childhood crush and Wei Wuxian would get to tease him forever, though maybe that was less of a benefit for Lan Wangji than it was for Wei Wuxian – 

Still, it would certainly obligate Wei Wuxian to protect and support the Cloud Recesses. Maybe it would be helpful for the ever-polite, ever-restrained Lan sect to have an ally with a bit more teeth and a reputation for being a little less than perfectly moral.

That’s all he meant.

…it was possible that he also meant the other way. That way.

He hadn’t, at first, really! It had just seemed like such a good idea: Nie Mingjue, who he admired so much, who had agreed to marry him and save both Wei Wuxian and the Jiang sect when he didn’t have to, and Lan Wangji, who Wei Wuxian had always liked so very much, who was always calm except when he wasn’t – he hadn’t thought of anything but how nice it would be if they were all living together.

Of course, he’d then realized he’d just proposed marriage, and that came with certain – connotations.

He still wasn’t entirely sure what was involved in being together in that way, but they all had hands, didn’t they? Hands and mouths and bodies, and the thought of all the ways those various pieces could join together made him blush just to think about.

It certainly didn’t make him feel repulsed, that was for sure.

It hadn’t been something he’d ever thought about before, especially not when it came to other men, but…well, he was proposing marriage. It was his job to study up on what might be required.

Especially since it seemed like Lan Wangji might actually be interested in – some of that.

Jiang Cheng had promised to get him a book with some cutsleeve art to help him prepare for the possibility of a wedding night – they’d both been red as a guests trying to eat chili peppers the entire time they’d had the conversation, since Jiang Cheng had been trying to apologize about the fact that he wasn’t sure if Nie MIngjue would give up on his rights as a husband and Wei Wuxian had had to explain that he was starting to think that he might not mind all that much if he did enforce them, ideally at length and on a regular basis, the whole thing had been excruciating and they’d both mutually decided to stop talking about it and get very, very intoxicated immediately afterwards – but it was taking him more time than expected, since he’d been trying to find one that didn’t come from Nie Huaisang.

For obvious reasons.

Still, long story short: Wei Wuxian was very much trying to stay on Nie Mingjue’s good side (not that all of his sides didn’t look good – the view from the back was as good as the front, and the sides weren’t bad either) so that he could talk him into it, and a spar, well, that made things awkward.

Wei Wuxian wasn’t sure about the best way to politely turn Nie Mingjue down and/or ask about whether he could pick fierce corpses as his weapon of choice, and he was still considering his response when Lan Wangji said, “It would be an honor” and Wei Wuxian abruptly realized that Nie Mingjue hadn’t been talking to him at all.

That put a totally different spin on things.

There wasn’t, strictly speaking, a training area in the Burial Mounds, only some flat space Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning had worked together to quickly clear of trees and other disturbances once they’d realized Nie Mingjue would be coming to visit, but it worked well enough even if the overhanging cliff to one side did occasionally drip mud on the unwary shortly after a rainstorm.

(Given that such an event generally required the removal of clothing, Wei Wuxian had decided that was one of the area’s good features rather than a problem that required fixing.)

Wei Wuxian shamelessly followed the two of them as they walked over to the area, perfectly prepared to insist that they needed a referee if they asked, but primarily just to watch the two of them. They were so different: Lan Wangji’s posture was perfectly correct, his pace slow and unhurried at every moment, while Nie Mingjue was upright by nature, his stride purposeful and determined, and yet they walked side-by-side without either one fall behind or going ahead.

They were both – very beautiful.

There were very few people that could make Lan Wangji look small, even delicate, but Nie Mingjue was one of them: he was tall and broad-shouldered, with big wide hands and an intensity that made the air around him almost feel like it was boiling, and then there was Lan Wangji, a statute carved out of ice, a refreshing breath of fresh air, perfectly calm and controlled in the fury of Nie Mingjue’s storm of a personality.

A perfect match.

Plus him, of course!

Wei Wuxian settled down eagerly. He couldn’t wait to watch this.

Nie Mingjue took one side of the field, drawing Baxia in all her might; Lan Wangji took out Bichen, a gentleman’s weapon if there ever was one.

There was a pause, a breath of time when they just looked at each other – and then they moved.

Steel against steel, Lan Wangji moving in a cloud of white to avoid the downward swings, using his own not-considerable strength to try to drive Nie Mingjue back – they each fought for the center, the position of strength, and it slipped back and forth between them, the advantage elusive.

Nie Mingjue swiped at Lan Wangji’s legs; Lan Wangji leapt up and struck at his head – Nie Mingjue caught his hand and threw him overhead – Lan Wangji landed as agile as a cat and immediately lunged forward try to take advantage – Nie Mingjue had already turned, his saber at the ready –

Wei Wuxian’s jaw was gaping open like a fish and he didn’t even care.

He’d been good at sword-fighting before – he’d been good at everything before, really – and it would be a lie to say that he didn’t miss it desperately, but this, oh, this! It was very nearly as good, watching two masters of the art: the swift sword and the fierce saber, their motions fluid and decisive, forceful, well-timed, their bodies perfectly in time with their weapons – their bodies becoming weapons, deadly and beautiful.

Lan Wangji was faster, Nie Mingjue more powerful; they were about equally matched in technique, each one pulling out the exact move that would counter the other. Their breathing began to come faster as the fight raged on, sweat appearing on their foreheads, their muscles straining –

In the end, Nie Mingjue lifted his saber high as if to bring it down in a unstoppable swipe; Lan Wangji side-stepped, only to find that it had been a feint and Nie Mingjue was already coming in close for a lock – he stepped back, but Nie Mingjue’s foot had already found the back of his ankle –

They both hit the ground.

Lan Wangji was on his back, his hands pinned above his head, Nie Mingjue having caught them as he tumbled them to the ground; their weapons were tangled together. Nie Mingjue had a leg on each side of Lan Wangji’s body, his own pressed down low to maintain balance, their chests almost touching – their faces, only inches away from each other – they were still breathing hard, their faces flushed with exertion, their eyes locked on each other –

“Yield,” Nie Mingjue said, his voice low and heavy and hot. They were so close that Wei Wuxian could almost see his breath on Lan Wangji’s cheek as he stared up, defiant. “Yield. The battle is mine.”

Lan Wangji looked up at him for another moment, considering his options, whether to continue to struggle –

“I yield,” he said, and his whole body relaxed in surrender, his shoulders easing and his head rolling back a little to expose his throat, as if Nie Mingjue might decide to lean down and bite –

“Good fight,” Nie Mingjue said, and stood up, offering Lan Wangji a hand, his gaze lingering.

“Yes,” Lan Wangji said, taking the hand and standing; his ears were red and his gaze fixed firmly on the ground. “A good fight.”

“Very good,” Wei Wuxian said, and his voice cracked into a squeak about halfway through. He stayed very, very still: if he so much as moved, he might disturb the way he’d piled up his clothing onto his lap to hide his current predicament.

He wanted to be in Lan Wangji’s place – he wanted to be between them both, wanted them to both look at him with those intense expressions that they’d turned on each other – why hadn’t he agreed to join the spar? He could have been in the middle there. Or maybe he could have teamed up with one of them to bring down the other one, to climb on top of them and hold them down while he himself was also…

He cleared his throat. “Maybe you should consider cleaning up? After all, you both got all – sweaty.”

Lan Wangji’s blush was moving steadily past his ears and towards his cheeks.

“That’s a good idea,” Nie Mingjue said, looking up at the sky. “It’s getting late, and it’s a hot day – Wei Wuxian, do you have a pool we can soak in? You’re welcome to join us, of course.”

“Uh,” Wei Wuxian said. His brain may have stopped working. Did he have a pool? He should have a pool. No, not a pool – a hot spring. Everyone would have to undress to use it, he’d insist on it as a matter of hygiene; the only thing that would conceal them would be the billowing clouds of humid heat that came up from the warm water, the tempting glimpses of skin in between…

“Unfortunately, I believe Wei Ying has reserved the use of his pool for experimental purposes,” Lan Wangji said, and that’s fine, Wei Wuxian would be happy to experiment as much as they liked – “It’s currently full of blood.”

…right.

Fuck.

His past self was an idiot.

“A pity,” Nie Mingjue said. “A regular wash will be fine, of course…though you might enjoy the pools we have in Qinghe.”

“My brother speaks highly of them,” Lan Wangji said. “Both hot and cold.”

“I like that combination,” Wei Wuxian said, finally getting enough control over himself enough that he could stand up and walk with them like a regular person rather than some sort of lecher. “I like it a lot.”

“Yes,” Nie Mingjue said. “I do too.” He paused for a moment, apparently considering something, and then nodded as if he’d made a decision. “We should talk about that.”

Wei Wuxian had the feeling they weren’t talking about bathing any more.

[bestillmyslashyheart]

Hi< so I've just watcher the old guard like three times and consumed all the stories like five times and I'm obsessed. I love your stories and I wanted to share and fic idea I have that want to share with you and anyone else who loves this movie. So I had an angsty thought of what if rather than Andy and Quynh that were captured it was Joe and Nicky. Thus one of them were placed in an iron maiden under the sea. And post-movie the one who was trapped goes after the one who got away?

Nile shot up in bed gasping for air. A moment later the lights in the room turned on, the others having woken up. “Sorry,” she panted. There was no reason for her to be out of breath, no reason for her to pant and gasp like she needed every lungful she could get, and yet. 

Once it was apparent that there was no danger, the man known as Booker flopped back onto his bed with a grunt. “Get some sleep,” he told her. Nile nodded at him in reply even though he wasn’t looking at her. She knew she wasn’t going back to sleep, not after that nightmare, but some part of her was hardwired to be polite to a man who had welcomed her into his home and given her a place to sleep.

“Sorry,” she said again. “I didn’t mean to wake anyone.”

There was a world weary sigh from the far bed. “What was it?” Nile looked over to see Andy sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing at her eyes.

“It’s nothing,” Nile tried to brush off. “Just a bad dream.” Booker stilled in the bed next to her, his fruitless shuffles to get comfortable ceasing at her words. Nile looked at him then back at Andy to find the older woman eyeing her carefully. “It’s nothing,” she said again. 

Andy looked like she was going to let it drop then at the last minute shook her head. “Tell us,” she urged. “That’s what we’re here for.”

“I don’t remember that in my job description,” Booker scoffed. Andy reached out and smacked him before nodding at Nile in encouragement.

Nile cleared her throat. “There was a man-”

“Oh that kind of dream, huh?” This time when Andy reached out to smack Booker, Nile kicked out and hit him on the other side. 

“He was drowning,” Nile continued. The others froze. “He- he was in a coffin? I think? And he was drawing and- and trying to scream. And trying to get out.” The others exchanged looks, half misery, half pained. “Did- do you know him?”

“His name is Yusuf.” Nile whirled to find a man standing in the doorway behind her, his face shrouded in a hood. Underneath, his eyes were old and weary and a little bit broken. “And you must be Nile.”

Nile didn’t know what to say. There was a rustle of fabric as Andy threw her blankets off and rounded the beds, her arms outstretched to greet the man. “Hey,” she said quietly, far softer than Nile had ever heard her speak. “You made it.” The man let her hug him but only offered a half-hearted embrace in return. 

“You said it was important.” The man’s voice was accented, like he wasn’t used to speaking in English.

“It is,” Andy told him. She stepped back and waved at Nile. “We’ve got a new one.”

“I see that,” the man nodded at her in greeting but offered nothing else.

“Nile, this is Nicky,” Andy introduced. “He’s like us, too.”

Booker got out of bed, apparently resigned to not getting any more sleep tonight, and strode past the man with barely a nod in greeting. “Nicky,” he tossed over his shoulder.

“Sebastien,” Nicky replied. Nile furrowed her brow. Sebastien?

Andy sighed. “Coffee?” Nicky nodded in acquiescence and when Andy turned to her, Nile did too. She left for the kitchen with a gentle squeeze of Nicky’s shoulder.

She and Nicky stared at each other for an awkward moment before there was another rustle of fabric as Quynh got out of bed. Nile looked over her shoulder only to turn around again immediately when she saw that Quynh had to pull on some clothes. Nile watched as Nicky softened under Quynh’s approach, his shoulders sloping slightly and his eyes lightening.

Quynh didn’t say anything in greeting, just wrapped both of her arms around his neck and let him hug her tightly in return. When they didn’t pull away, Nile took it as her cue to leave and shimmied her way out of the room without disturbing them. 

“So,” Nile said slowly when she entered the kitchen. “There’s more of us?” When she’d met Andy, the other woman had only mentioned Quynh and Booker.

Andy set several mugs full of coffee on the table and sat down with a heavy sigh. “Yes.”

Nile sat down and pulled one of the mugs close. “You lied to me.”

“Yes.”

“It’s for your own good,” Booker added. He was hunched over his own mug. “Too much information at once makes your brain hurt. Trust me.”

Nile did, oddly enough, but that didn’t mean she liked being lied to. “How many more are there?”

“None,” Andy replied. “Just Nicky and Yusuf.”

“So Yusuf is…”

“Trapped somewhere on the bottom of the ocean,” Booker told her. He took a long sip. “The dreams won’t go away,” he warned. “Not until we meet him in person.”

Something lodged in Nile’s chest. Earlier, Booker had said he died in 1812 so if he had been having the dreams since then… “How long has he been down there?”

Booker and Andy exchanged a look. “About five hundred years,” Andy admitted. Nile felt like she wanted to throw up. “There’s a downside to not dying,” she said sardonically. “But we weren’t going to spring that on you right away.”

“What happened to him?”

Andy looked past her to where the bedroom was. “Nicky and Yusuf were together in a time and place where people didn’t like two men being together, especially if one of them was brown.” She swallowed thickly. “They tried to kill them. A couple of- well, more than a couple of times. It took me and Quynh weeks to get to them but by the time we did they had decided more drastic measures were necessary. They locked Yusuf in an iron coffin and took him out to sea. Dumped him overboard somewhere.” She shook her head. “We don’t know where. Nicky’s been looking ever since but so far-” she shrugged. “No one on the ship could say for sure where he’d been dumped overboard and with ocean currents and the technology available until recently...it hasn’t been an easy search.”

“But he’s still looking? Even after all this time?”

“He won’t stop,” Booker told her. There was something in his expression that Nile couldn’t figure out but she wasn’t sure it was altogether pleasant. “I’ve only met him a handful of times, when Andy or Quynh can drag him away from his search to help us out on a mission. As soon as it’s over, he goes right back to it.”

“Perhaps I simply do not like your company,” Nicky remarked calmly as he and Quynh joined them. They sat down in the empty chairs between Andy and Nile, Nicky between the two older women.

Booker’s lips twisted and he opened his mouth to say something but Quynh shot him a look that had his jaw snapping shut a moment later. 

“So,” Nicky asked,” what exactly is the problem?”

Nile listened carefully as Andy outlined the situation, even though they’d already been through it once before. As she spoke, Nile tried to get a read on Nicky but the man shot her a stony look that had her reconsider. 

When Andy was done and Nicky had asked his questions and the conversation disappeared, Nile desperately needed air and some space. It had been a very long two days and she was dealing with it as best she could but finding out that immortality could mean dying over and over again for hundreds of years had hit something deep inside her and everything was starting to get to be too much.

She pushed her chair back and took her mug to the sink before looking around the room, trying to get her bearings. She knew the area they were in was connected to the church but there were several doors leading outward and she wasn’t sure which was the correct one.

“What are you looking for?” Quynh asked kindly.

“How do I get to the church?” Nicky scoffed derisively. Nile frowned. “What?”

He rose from his seat, shaking his head. “The church is that way,” he pointed at a door on the opposite side of the room. “But your god cannot help you. He is not there. And if he is, he does not care.”

“Nicky,” Andy said softly. 

Nicky shook his head and went for the bedroom. “Wake me up when it is time to kill people.” The door closed softly behind him.

“What’s his problem?” Nile stared after him.

“He lost Yusuf,” Quynh said, like that explained everything. It didn’t, but Nile didn’t think she was going to get a different answer so she crossed the room and entered the church through the door Nicky had indicated. 

It was a world away from the room she had just left. The tension seeped out of her just as she left it behind. She wasn’t Catholic, had never appreciated the setting of a cathedral for her prayers, but she couldn’t deny that the place felt holy, no matter that it had been abandoned. Nile sat in one of the pews and took deep breaths, letting her mind calm. When she felt settled for the first time in days, she pulled out her phone and stared at the contact for her mom. 

“That’s a bad idea,” Andy warned. Nile jumped, not having heard her approach. Andy nudged her shoulder and Nile scooted over to allow her room to sit. 

“I have family,” Nile defended.

“So did Booker,” Andy replied. “He stayed in touch until they all died and-” she shook her head. “It’s a bad idea.”

Nile sniffed and shook her head. She had so many questions, so many things she wanted to say, that she didn’t know where to start. 

“Why doesn’t Nicky believe in God?” She asked. Nile blinked, surprised with herself. She hadn’t realized that was weighing on her mind.

Andy braced her arms on the back of the pew in front of them and dropped her head. “He used to. He fought in the Crusades,” she revealed. “Believed in God enough to fight a war in his name.”

“What changed?” She asked. Will it change like that for me?, she wanted to ask

“Nicky and Yusuf met in the Crusades. They found out they were immortal by killing each other and then waking up to do it again and again. Eventually, they fell in love and after that they were inseparable. For most of us, it took a long time to find each other but Nicky and Yusuf had each other from the very beginning. Nicky used to call it fate or, or destiny.” She smiled sadly. “Then Yusuf was taken from him and Nicky stopped believing in all of that.” Andy sighed and sat back, her shoulders brushing Nile’s. “He used to be different. Used to believe in the goodness of the world.” The man Nile had met did not seem like a man who believed in anything. He didn’t much seem like he even believed in living. “Quynh and I helped him look for about 50 years before we gave up. There was just no way to find him. But Nicky can’t stop.”

“Can you find him now? With today’s technology?”

“We wouldn’t even know where to start looking,” Andy confessed. “Nicky’s looked everywhere we thought even halfway plausible and then he went looking farther out. It’s been five hundred years, Nile.”

“But he’s down there,” Nile protested. “He’s drowning, over and over and over again.”

“I know,” Andy told her. “Booker still dreams about him so we know he’s still there, but there’s nothing we can do. Nicky’s tried everything already.”

An explosion cut Nile off before she could say anything. In an instant, she and Andy were on their feet and running back to the living quarters. There was smoke in the air and a small fire burning in the corner but nothing moved.

“Quynh!” Andy called. “Booker! Nicky!” There was no answer. “Nile check the back rooms.” Andy went for the living room and Nile headed for the bedroom. There was no one there. The kitchen was empty too.

“Book!” She heard Andy yell. Nile rushed back out to see Andy leaning over a bloody form on the couch. 

“There’s no one else here,” Nile told her as she came up next to her. She took one look at the body before them and almost threw up. It was Booker, or it had been. His chest was shredded, his guts, or what remained of them, were hanging out, and half of his head was missing. 

“Come on, come on, come on!” Andy chanted. She was staring at Booker’s body earnestly, like she could will him back to life. Nile wasn’t so sure he could come back, not with his head-

Booker coughed and then groaned. His one remaining eye fluttered open, trying to focus on Andy. “What-” he coughed. One shaky hand came up his head and pressed at where his left ear should be only to keep going until it hit his brain. 

Nile turned and threw up on the floor. 

“Quynh and Nicky are gone,” Andy told him, apparently unconcerned with the carnage. “And we’re going to get them back.”

---

The day had not turned out like Nile had intended. It was getting to be a recurring theme in her life, one she didn’t expect to go away any time soon.

Booker had betrayed them. Well, technically she supposed Booker had betrayed all the others since he hadn’t known about her when he set them up, but it was all the same. The four of them were locked in a lab being treated as lab rats and Nile was the only one who could get them out.

So she did.

She was really getting the hang of this whole getting shot thing. It hardly slowed her down at this point.

When she burst into the lab, the four of them had been locked in an argument that stopped the second they saw her.

“Nile?!” Three voices rang out. Nicky just looked at her with grudging approval. 

Nile didn’t waste time on pleasantries. She took the keys to their cuffs off the body of a guard on the floor and unlocked Andy’s restraints. Nile let her unlock the others while she guarded the door, fully prepared to shoot whoever came through it next.

A loud crash erupted behind her and Nile spun, finger on the trigger only to find Nicky on top of Booker, bashing his face in. It took both Andy and Quynh to pull him off.

“Hey!” Quynh got in Nicky’s face. “Not the time Nicolo. We need to get out of here.” Nicky didn’t appear to hear her, his eyes fixed over her tiny frame at where Andy was helping Booker to his feet. If looks could kill…

“We’re leaving,” Andy ordered. “All of us,” she added with a sharp look at Nicky.

“We do not need all of us to get out of here,” Nicky countered. Both Andy and Quynh glared him into submission, though, and soon enough the five of them were shooting their way out of the lab. 

When they were free, when they had escaped the building and gotten somewhere safe enough to take a moment and breathe, Nicky pulled a sword of nowhere and cut Booker’s head off. 

Andy and Quynh shouted at him but he ignored them. Nile thought she might throw up again as she watched Quynh take Booker’s head and hold it in place against his neck until his body stitched itself back together. 

Nicky stood over him, sword in hand, the entire time. When Booker gasped back to life, Nicky placed his knee in his chest and his sword at his throat. “Every second I was in that lab was a second that no one was looking for Yusuf,” his voice was soft, gently even. Contrasted with the threat of the sword it was chilling. “You would have had me be locked up for a very long time.” The sword dug into Booker’s neck.

“Nicky,” Andy warned, but she didn’t move for a weapon of her own so Nicky ignored her.

“You would have him be left down there forever with no one to look for him.” The sword dug deeper into his neck and he started spitting up blood. Nicky’s eyes were cold. “Never again.”

Booker nodded, the motion tearing his throat against the blade even more. Nicky didn’t move until Booker stopped breathing. When he was very definitely dead, Nicky wiped his sword on Booker’s clothes to clean it and stood up.

“Do not call me again.” Nicky walked past Andy and Quynh without another word, got into the car and drove away. He had effectively stranded them but neither Andy nor Quynh looked too upset about that. Instead, they focused their attentions on Booker as he came back to life.

“Now,” Quynh crouched down next to him. “What are we going to do about you?”

---

Nile watched Andy and Quynh examine Copley’s research, both seemingly overwhelmed by the evidence that they had actually achieved some good with their long lives. 

“Well?” Copley asked after they’d looked their fill. 

“Well what?” Andy asked.

Copley struggled to speak. “I don’t know,” he finally admitted. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

Andy and Quynh exchanged a look. “We want you to help us,” Quynh answered for them. “Cover our tracks so we can keep doing our jobs.”

Copley smiled, relieved. “I can do that.”

“And one more thing,” Nile added. Quynh and Andy looked at her strangely but Nile focused on Copley. “We need you to find someone for us.”

---

Nicky had been less than ten miles off.

He’d almost hung up the phone when Nile called but she’d shouted Yusuf’s name fast enough that he paused long enough to hear her out. Nile quickly explained that Copley had found something on the ocean floor that had a strong possibility of being Yusuf’s iron coffin and when she’d told Nicky the location, he was already practically on top of him.

Quynh got them out there in time to see Nicky in scuba gear slip under the water with tools in hand. The boat he was on was small and didn’t have any equipment that could haul an iron coffin up from the bottom but he was clearly not going to wait long enough for them to get one. 

Nile stood on the boat next to Andy and Quynh and stared down at the water. They couldn’t see very far beneath the surface but none of them wanted to move. Nile was fairly certain the two women were only barely holding themselves back from going after Nicky. They’d given up on Yusuf, on any hope of finding him, and the guilt was clear on their faces. But so was the hope.

The captain of the boat Nicky was on told them he only had enough oxygen for an hour’s dive. It was almost two before they saw movement. Nile got a glimpse of a shadowy form that looked vaguely human before Quynh and Andy were both jumping overboard. Nile watched as they slipped beneath the surface, their shoes kicked off and Andy’s overshirt floating to the surface. The men and women on the two boats all rushed to the sides, some shouting, others preparing to go in after the two women. Nile tried to call them off but they ignored her.

A moment later, four heads broke the surface, two of them gasping for air. Quynh had Nicky’s limp form tucked under her arm as she swam towards the boat. Someone tossed a life preserving ring out to her. She put it around Nicky and let them haul him aboard. The next one tossed down she held for the man clutched in Andy’s arms. They were both gentle as they put it around him, treading water as they watched him be pulled up. 

Nicky awoke with a gasp and Nile turned from the women in the ocean to check on him. He brushed aside her hand and scrambled across the deck to the other man. He had long hair and a beard and his clothes looked like something out of a Renaissance Faire. Nile looked on as Nicky clutched at him, his hands cupping his face. “Destati, destati,” he murmured. Nile didn’t recognize the word but assumed it was Italian. 

The man didn’t move and he didn’t breathe. 

Andy and Quynh were both hauled up and they fell to their knees, out of breath, next to Nile. 

The man was still.

Nicky had started crying, his cries of ‘destati’ continued mixed with something that sounded like Arabic. He hunched over the man, their foreheads pressed together, the words a never ending stream from his lips.

Quynh grabbed Andy’s hand and held it tight. The two women were both shedding silent tears as they looked on. Nile shook her head, unable to believe the universe could be so cruel as to finally let Yusuf die only when Nicky had found him.

The deck was silent as the assembled crew quietly gave Nicky his peace and privacy. Nile was about to turn and go herself when there was a loud cough and a quiet, “Nicolo.”

[adarafaelbarba]

Hakuna Matata

Pairing: Sonny Carisi x reader

Fandom: Law and Order SVU

Warning: angst (mentions of bad cases and panic attacks) but fluffy.

A/N: this covers the Hakuna Matata square of @sweetcannolicarisi ‘s Disney Challenge

It was days like this that you wanted to hand in your gun and badge, and just leave the police force for good. Cases like this really got to you, and lately it had been one bad case after another. All you wanted was to roll up in bed and sleep, preferably with your boyfriend cuddling up to you. But you knew they was a long shot.

“(Y/L/N) are you with us?” Liv asked standing by your desk. “Hmm? Yeah, sorry”, you murmured. God you needed sleep, or an extra large black coffee with extra espresso in it. Looking up at her, you gave her a small smile, silently telling her she could keep talking.

...

You were fuming as you stood in Liv’s office, getting yelled at after being too ‘aggressive’ towards the suspect. It was far from the case in your opinion, you had simply tried to get him to confess, and he in return had tried to get under your skin. “You’re off the case.” The words ringing in your ears as you stormed out of her office, red in the face.

Quickly you grabbed your things before people could start asking questions. You didn’t need their worry, their sympathy, all you needed was get home before you did something stupid.

All your life you had been calm and collected, but it seemed something about the job, or at least down the line of your life, had soured you. Especially when it didn’t go your way.

You were almost out the building when you bumped into Sonny. Loving and caring Sonny with his wife smile and soft lips. Sonny who could make you laugh until your cheeks hurt, and kiss you until you lost your breath.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked, putting his hands on your shoulders so he could look at you. “I’m off the case.” Realisation hit you as tears formed in your eyes. “Hey, no, it’s okay”, he murmured, pulling you in for a hug.

The two of you stood there in each other’s embrace as he tried to calm you down when his phone rang. “Carisi?” He muttered after reluctantly picking up. “She’s with me now, having a really bad panic attack. Yeah, I’ll take her home, We’ll see you tomorrow sarge”, he said, still rubbing your back. “Come on doll, let’s get you home”, Sonny murmured, stuffing his phone back in his pocket before guiding you to his truck.

...

As soon as you got into your shared apartment you wrapped your arms tightly around your boyfriend’s waist, leaning your head on his chest. “I know you don’t want to talk about it. So I won’t pressure you. But I need to know what I can do to make you feel better”, he murmured, caressing your back. “I want cuddles and a bath”, you murmured lowly, “what was that?” Sonny asked, not having heard you. “I want cuddles and a bath”, you said again a little louder this time, “and maybe a face mask”, you added, looking up at him. “That can be arranged. I’ll go draw you a bath”, he said, dipping his head to kiss you softly. “Thank you baby”, you murmured.

Following him to the bathroom you pulled out one of your tubes of face scrubs, starting to apply it as Sonny started the faucet of the tub. “Which scent of bubbles would you like today?” He asked, looking through the different bottles. “Lavender”, you murmured, giving him a small smile.

After you finished with applying the mask, you jumped up on the counter, looking at your boyfriend as he got the bath ready. “I know this isn’t your thing, but would you like to try this coal mask?” You asked. “That would actually be nice”, he murmured, smiling at you.

Smiling wide at your boyfriend you opened your legs so he could stand between them. You gently applied a generous amount of the cream content to his face. “You look so cute right now” you mused. Sonny let out a chuckle at your comment.

...

“Perfect temperature”, he mused, looking at you. “Let’s wash this off and get in”, you said, looking at him.

You quickly washed off the mask before stripping out of your clothes while Sonny washed his face.

Sonny got in first, holding a hand out to help you in. You let out a sigh of relief when you melted into his chest. “This is exactly what I needed today”, you murmured, resting your arms on the edge of the tub. “Yeah, I agree.”

There was a moment of silence after that before Sonny let out a soft chuckle. “What?” You mused, not bothering to turn to look at him as you were too comfortable where you sat. “Hakuna Matata. Didn’t work too well for you today did it?” You let out a groan at that. “Not funny Dominick, I got that tattoo after I graduated high school”, you said.

It had been a fun thing to get your motto tattooed on your arm back when you were really living by it. But as you had changed over the years, it just became more associated with what you were. And sure, it was a nice memory, not to mention it was a quote from your all time favourite Disney movie, so you weren’t too mad at it.

“I think it’s cute”, he mused, dipping his head to press soft kisses to your shoulder. “You’re lucky I love you”, you murmured, “I love you too doll.”

Taglist: @detective-giggles @inmylifeilovedthemall @itsjustmyfantasyroom @delia26​ @dianilaws @meri-dawn @storiesofsvu​ @permanentlydizzy​ @welcometothemadxxhouse​ @cycat4077​ @incomplete-coincidence @kriegsverlobte​ @rafaheadcanons​ @rafivadafreddy​ @teamsladsandgents​ @beccabarba​ @mrsrafaelbarba @stardust-fray​ @caked-crusader

[daydreamed-snippets]

The bell above the entryway jingles as someone slips through the door. Looking up from their work, basting a hem in a customer’s pair of trousers, the villain freezes. 

In the threshold of their store stands their nemesis’ young sidekick. Dressed in unassuming civilian clothing, they stroll in and begin to poke around the front displays of fitted ensembles, single and double-breasted suits, fine gowns, and the like. 

The villain sits there for a minute. Willing themselves to blink, to swallow, or to move their fingers along the soft trouser fabric. Something to start up their heart that stopped dead at the sight. 

It is the movement of a stack of neckties, knocked over by the sidekick that did the trick.

Obliging, their heart roars to life, hammering a threatening beat. Adrenaline dumps into their system like a drug as they flip up the presser foot on their industrial sewing machine, and slide their chair back. They flounder for the long metal bar they secured to the underside of their sewing table. Their powers teeming to life, ready to call specific metals they’d hidden throughout the back of the store to come into their waiting hands.

How the hell did their nemesis find this place anyway? This little hole-in-the-wall tailor shop, near the bottoms in Relictus City? 

Damn it! 

This place is lost now. Their livelihood would likely be burned to cinders in the upcoming crusade. How frustrating, since it took them months to vet a dozen or so locations before choosing this one. Sure that no hero of the Covenant would find it, only to be met with the sidekick’s appearance.

Or was this a joke? Did their nemesis need a hole patched in their super suit? Probably put there by the villain themselves. Their store wasn’t exactly a five-star boutique that most of the heroes preferred. Those were located in the more affluent parts of the city—where the sidekick should be perusing. Not here.

Or maybe this was just karma. The universe’s version of a kick in the teeth. Of punishing them for getting too complacent in this place. Of becoming too accustomed to working odd hours in the little shop then heading upstairs to the maisonette, their living quarters above. They’d placed their major bases (they had three) far from this location, hoping to avoid this very situation. No cross-contamination. They were smart about it. 

Well, it looks like it didn’t work. 

The villain tenses, ready for a fight as the sidekick makes their way through the store. Around unopened boxes and half-dressed mannequins. They sidestep a display case and approach the only other customer there who was browsing, trying to kill time while they waited on that hem. Rocking back on their heels, the sidekick smiled impishly. “Hey? Do you work here?” 

Barely looking up from the rows of tabled dress shirts, the customer shakes their head and gestures towards the back of the store. 

Fuck. 

A power core they hid in the cabinetry near the cash register silently darts into the villain’s hand. They hold it behind their back, trying to stay out of sight until the last moment. This may get messy. And the civilian; their customer….

They glance over at them. Unassuming and pathetically ordinary. The villain supposes they would become an unavoidable casualty in this skirmish. Especially once their nemesis barges through the door, leveling the place. 

Or maybe they could avoid bloodshed. That would be best given that they were probably outnumbered. Scores of Covenant guards and other lesser heroes waiting to pounce just outside of the large bay windows.

The villain takes a step back, hoping such a move wouldn’t draw any attention to themselves. Twelve steps in retreat would take them to the stairs that led to their apartment. If they could only make it…

“I know you’re there,” came the youthful voice. The villain startles, choosing to remain rooted to their spot. They would take their last stand here. The sidekick squeezes between stacks of boxes the villain has yet to unload and comes to the kiosk cash register. “So this is where you’ve been hiding.” 

The villain swallowed, wondering if the kid was wearing a wire. If their nemesis could hear this interaction. If they were loving this ambush. “You’ve disguised this place pretty well. It was really hard to find. But the jig is up. I’m here.”

Even in the loose sweatshirt, beanie and jeans, the sidekick strikes a pose. Chest out, hands on their hips and a wry smile pulling at the corners of their mouth. 

The villain let out a steadying breath and flips on the power core. It swells to life with a low hum. 

“I see that,” they say, on edge. Ready to strike. 

“You’re going to be grateful that it was me, and not someone else. You’ll see that I’m the only one fit for the job.”

“Excuse me?”

The sidekick let out an exasperated sigh. “Sorry. I’m really trying hard to sell myself. That’s what her—I mean, my friend told me to do.”

“...What?”

“You put the ‘help wanted’ ad online? Plus you have a sign out front. I’m here to apply.” They presented the actual sign, holding it up proudly. “I’m here for the job.”

“Ah…,” the villain scrambled to recover. “Do you have any prior experience?”

“Well, no,” they said, shuffling their feet. They place the sign on the kiosk before shoving their hands in the pocket of their sweatshirt. They look hopeful. “But I’m a quick learner.”

What. The. Hell?

“I need an experienced tailor,” the villain said, playing the part. Looking above the sidekick’s head, to the street outside their window. Where was their nemesis? What the hell is this? “I’ve been getting a lot of business lately, and I find myself a bit overwhelmed.”

“Ok, so I can’t sew,” the sidekick starts, “but I can do anything else you need me to. I can sweep, and dust. I can answer phones. I can manage your online store. I’m good with computers. Social media is practically my playground.” They catch the doubtful look on the villain’s face. “Oh, please! It would give you more time to, you know, sew and whatever else you do. I can start as an intern. For a week. No pay. If you don’t like me then you can yeet me out the door. Promise.”

“Ok…” This was an unusual tactic, but maybe their nemesis banked on the hope that the villain wouldn’t recognize them. Stil… they needed more information. Or at least time to figure out what was going on. “Why do you want to work here?”

The sidekick hesitates. “I need to get away...from where I’m at.” They look up at the villain reading their concerned expression. “Oh, no! It’s not like that. I’m not running away. I just want a… vacation.”

“You want a vacation doing menial work?” 

“I want to get away. And to make some money while I do it. You know. To have an emergency fund. Just in case.” They shuffled their feet. “So do I got the job or not. I have six other places to go to before it gets dark. Maybe they’ll hire me if you don’t.”

Interesting. Very interesting. Especially if what the kid says is true that their nemesis doesn’t know that their sidekick is here at all, begging for a job. This could play in their favor. It would be risky. A big risk. On one hand, their nemesis could be playing the long game. Drawing this farce out. Goading the villain into revealing their associates. Base locations. Possible details of their plans. But if their nemesis had no idea the sidekick was here...

“Do your parents know you’re here?” the villain tentatively tries. 

“I don’t live with my parents. But my legal guardian said I could do whatever I wanted with my free time. So, here I am.”

The villain holds their hand out for the crumpled piece of paper tucked in the sidekick’s front pocket. Their resume, the villain assumes and assumes correctly. The sidekick hands it over and they skim its contents. 

Member of the Sidekick Foundation, though it doesn’t say in what capacity. So if the villain was truly clueless, they wouldn’t know if the sidekick was truly a sidekick or just as a full-time student. Their legal guardian is the superhero Fission. Only it doesn’t say that. No, the sidekick has put down Fission’s real name. And their real name. Their age—sixteen years old—and their skills.

Gods, this kid’s naivety was sickening. On this paper alone, the villain had more than what they could garnish from three months of reconnaissance. Names. Place of residence. Contact information. 

“The store opens at 8 am,” the villain instructed, ignoring the sidekick’s delighted face. “Be here at seven. You can start by opening up these boxes, and putting the clothing on hangers. You’ll have to answer the phone if it rings while you’re doing this. Then the shop needs a good dusting and the bathroom in the back needs attention. You will get an hour lunch break, and the day ends at 4 pm.” The villain looked them up and down. “And try to wear something nicer than a sweatshirt.”

The sidekick breaks into a grin, thanks them profusely, and practically sprints out the door. 

The villain hopes they won’t regret this.

[kazoo5480]

Almost finished! 30 chapters down, a few more to go. Thanks to those of you who wrote awesome notes, and who provide inspiration to us newbies every day with your lovely tales!

Chapter 1 Arrivals

Prologue – September 1943, New York City

25-year-old Killian Jones steps down the ramp off the Algernon straight from Belfast. He has $40 to his name, the clothes on his back. Having lost his brother in an accident, his mother to illness, and abandonment of his father when he was 7, Killian made a choice to leave his homeland and make his way to America. America was currently engaged in World War II, with no family left, he decides that a fresh start in a new land and a new line of work away from the IRA is just what he needs after the arrests and massacres taking place back in Ireland.

Gun running and violence is not a life he wants any longer, nor is a life in prison, or death. He is hopeful that despite his heritage, he will be able to settle into a new life, away from the massacre left behind on the emerald isle. Finding honest work is harder than he expected, even in a city this large.

Waiting in those long lines with all those other expats, hoping to find honest work and nothing. He goes every day for two weeks but quickly realizes that no one wants to hire an Irishman or give him a fair shake. But he believes you make your own destiny and believes in hard work and determination.

He hears the other men talking, that security and lounges, the US Army, and driving taxis are just about the only people hiring anyone right now if you aren’t American.

Killian has no interest in joining Americas crusade, so he finds a gig working the doors and security a little dingy nightclub at first, but slowly descends into the more glamorous nightclubs and lounges.

Word spreads quickly to his newest employer, Louis Lepke, who owns the Riobamba- one of Manhattan’s most posh nightclubs that Killian was once part of the IRA and has a hell of a left hook. Lepke, one of the most dangerous mob bosses in New York at that time sees potential in Killian, thinks that his past IRA ties could be beneficial to their enterprise, and he offers him a better paying job running pickups and drop offs of packages that Killian doesn’t open and doesn’t want to open.

While the money is nothing to turn your nose up at, Killian continues this path, socking away the cash and crafting an entirely new persona for himself while making his own contingency plans to disappear for a quieter life someplace near the sea, perhaps finding peace and burying his demons for good at last.

Killian will never forget the day he was able to move out of the vermin infested room he had been renting in a boarding house on the lower east side, and into a three-room apartment of his own for $80 a month near Washington Square Park. Not cheap by any means, but it’s a second-floor walkup, with a fireplace, and wide windows that overlook the street.

Lepke pays him three hundred a month right now, but he always earns tips from both ends of pickup and delivery, and that extra cash is always appreciated.

He will never forget the first suit he purchases, or his first pair of new shoes in god knows how many years. He knows with his new employment, he needs to look the part, so he only is careful in his wardrobe choices, dark colors that won’t show dirt easily, well-tailored shirts, wingtips in black and white, and two hats that he sees the other men wearing.

He manages to pry a floorboard in the back of his new closet loose, securing the hole with a thin layer of wood, ensuring nothing would fall through or be lost to the ageing building, and he uses this as home for his cash and very little valuables. He has no furniture to speak of, except a mattress on the floor with linens, but he knows soon enough he will have money to furnish his new home.

For now, he is only willing to spend money on rent, and groceries, he saves every dollar that he earns after his necessities are purchased.

What he does not expect is meeting Emma Swan, an enchanting blonde lounge singer at the Riobamba. Frank Sinatra even plays there on occasion, so the joint was always packed. But amongst all those entertainers, is Emma. With the voice of an angel, the body of a bloody goddess, and a fire in her green eyes.

He knows that from the moment he saw her dancing and singing across that smoke filled room, that he was going to have her no matter the cost. Tonight, her golden curls pinned back on one side with a glittering clip, wrapped in a floor length sequin dress cut scandalously low in the front, even for the nightclub scene at that point in time.

She is easily the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, and he wonders if she works for Lepke as well, a personal relationship perhaps, and the thought of any man touching her at all has him see red when those thoughts flit through his mind. He always hopes divine intervention is on his side to catch a glimpse of her during her sets, whether picking up or dropping off to his boss.

Occasionally he just sits in the back nursing a rum while he watches her, gliding around the small stage, dressed like sex personified, singing in that angelic voice of hers, enchanting the entire room.

She sings songs of love and happiness, sometimes she covers popular music of other entertainers, but he sees the sadness and demons lingering behind those emerald eyes, the glittering dresses and gorgeous gold curls. He wants to know more, scale those walls he can spot a mile high surrounding her.

On more than one occasion he is thankful for the low lighting of the club and his dark suits to hide the evidence of his rock-hard arousal that she stirs up every damn time he lays eyes on her. Green eyes that sparkle in the low lighting, locking on his blue. She sees him and he sees her, never exchanging words, just eye locks and then he is off.

In a rare occasion that Killian indulges the other members of his crew in playing craps, he casually asks about Emma to one of the kinder men, Bill Starkey, a slightly older married man, who handles the books for the clubs that Lepke owns.

“What of that lounge singer Starkey, she is a sight for sore eyes if I may say so myself”, Killian mentions with a smile. The older man looks him over for a second, and replies “She is a quite a dame, isn’t she? Voice of a siren an everything, but she is not to be trifled with - She keeps to herself, is a bloody fantastic piece of entertainment, draws the crowds in, but she does not mess with our crew. Many of ours have learned that the hard way he says with a laugh, Tough as brass that one is, so don’t bother with her”, and the man went back to the game.

When Starkey bids goodnight, leaving the younger men to their games, another crew member that Killian has somewhat befriended named Victor Whale leans over, exhaling a cloud of smoke. “If its Emma you’ve set your sightings on, you are not as slick as you think ya git, my girl Ruby mentioned that she caught you watching her shows on occasion, but Emma doesn’t date anyone around here, if she does date, it isn’t anyone related to our line of work”.

Bidding goodnight to Killian and the few stragglers still playing, he stands and Killian notices Ruby Lucas in her coat waiting by the door with a smile on her face. Whale takes her hand and pulls them out the door. Killian feels a pang of jealousy at their obvious companionship but pushes the thought away.

Ruby Lucas, the costume coordinator for the club, is a gorgeous specimen of her own right with long chocolate locks, hazel eyes, and legs for days. She has worked in the club a long time, and if anyone knows Emma, its Ruby. Killian decides that perhaps he shall inquire to Ms. Lucas about Swan but tucks the thought away for another time.

He has gained enough information about her for one night, he will have to just be patient. If Ruby has noticed him watching Emma, he would bet the few dollars left in his lightened pocket tonight that she has told Swan about him, and that is something he is not quite sure he knows how to feel about.

He wonders what Ruby would tell Emma, since she was obviously very much with Whale, she must know more about their conducted business, but appears to know when to keep her mouth shut. Maybe, the tides will be in his favor since he tends to keep a low profile in his job. The bosses like him because he is discreet and is known not to be messed with.

Emma sees him alright, black suits, navy wool suits, tuxedoes at parties, custom made shirts, and she would bet her last dollar that those cufflinks he always wears are actual sterling silver.

He has slicked back inky hair, tousled in just the right places, a permanent five o’ clock shadow, and forget me not blue eyes that haunt her for days every single time she catches a glimpse of him staring right back at her. 

She notices the way he carries himself, so confident, dangerous, and definitely a hustler. He must be connected somehow, and Emma does not want that complication in her simple life.

He looks at her sometimes like he would devour her like a man on death row, and she being his last meal. She cannot get mixed up with someone like him, she has survived this long without someone, and the last time she allowed someone into her heart it nearly broke her in two.

Her friend Ruby has casually mentioned him, his name is Killian Jones, he works with her boyfriend Victor, but she does not know exactly what his role is. Ruby giggles as she talks about how handsome Killian is, and notes that he always throws her a generous tip, never ogling her or being disrespectful like some of the other crew who think that any woman in the club is dumb enough to roll in the sack with them.

Ruby has been with her boyfriend for a few years from what she mentions, having been together since before Victor’s job with Lepke’s crew, whatever that may be. Ruby is also one of the few people that makes Emma smile genuinely and lifts her spirits. Emma considers the brunette one of her very few real friends.

One night after her set is done, Emma enters her dressing room, and slips out of her dress, carefully hanging it inside the garment bag, and lights a cigarette, swallowing a sip of her Manhattan. Her roommate Mary Margaret is getting better and better with her sewing skills, her emerald green gown tonight is delicate, covered in sequins and green feathers float around the hem of her dress, she admires the gown once more before zipping the bag.

Standing in her silk stockings and garters, she begins removing her jewelry and realizes suddenly that she is not alone. Sitting in a low chair in the back corner of the dressing room is Killian fucking Jones. She grabs for her silk robe, tying it quickly- trying to regain some of her modesty. Watching her with those blue eyes, fingers crossed under his chin while he leans forward, elbows on his knees.

"Don't stop on my account love, I simply wanted to introduce myself, and I thank the bloody gods that I was granted enough luck to watch your private show just now. He smirked at her, running is tongue over his bottom lip, and she wanted to punch that smirk off his smug face, even if her heart beat faster in her chest and not from anxiety.

“Emma breathe,” she internally chastises herself. Her brain reconnects, she stamps out her cigarette, and she manages to spit out “listen pal, I don't know who the hell you think you are, but I am not that type of woman. Go buy one down the street if you need to get your rocks off but get the hell out.”

He stood up, adjusting his trousers by the belt, which she noticed were fitting awfully tight, the evidence of his arousal clear but now covered as he buttoned his coat up.

He spoke, his voice a lilting Irish accent, “I apologize lass, I simply wanted to introduce myself and give you these in person,” he held out a large bouquet of creamy white roses tipped in pale pink, tied with a black silk ribbon. 

“You are a vision, both on and off the stage Swan, and I simply was hoping to make your acquaintance as we seem to catch each other’s eye from time to time. I thought perhaps my interest was reciprocated, but clearly it is not, and I shan't bother you again”.

Emma did not know what to say, still shocked, her red painted mouth in a grim line. She caught his cologne as he made his exit, carefully avoiding touching her in any way. He smelled of wood and spice, and definitely rum.

Right as he was crossing the threshold to exit, Emma made a rash decision, and grabbed his hand, locked eyes with him and said, “Don't ever do that again, thank you for the flowers, but I am not interested.” 

“They're nothing compared to you Emma, but I do apologize again”, and with that parting line Killian quietly exited, making sure to close the door fully behind him.

Emma locked the handle, ensuring no one else would interrupt her. She cleaned most of her face off and pulled on her burgundy wool dress and matching coat, gathered her things, and her flowers hailing a cab home.

Tagging a few who might be interested! @wefoundloveunderthelight @itsfabianadocarmo @purplehawkcaptain @the-lady-of-misthaven @the-captains-ayebrows @thesschesthair @myfearless-love @kmomof4 @jonesfandomfanatic @hookedpirate @xhookswenchx @let-it-raines @letmedieahooker @captainswanouat @captainswoon @cathloves @laschatzi @timeless-love-story @asluve @ao3feed-cs @ahookerandproud @ineffablecolors @the-darkdragonfly @donteattheappleshook @kymbersmith-90 @elizabeethan @the-darkdragonfly @tnlph @the-captains-ayebrows @captainswoon @captainswanouat @captain-swan-coffee​ @jrob64​ @whimsicallyenchantedrose​​ @captainirishstubble @onceuponadaily​ @resident-of-storybrooke​​ @greenlef777 Let me know if you want to be added or removed! 

[dear-yandere]

succor.

yandere! jotaro kujo 3. major spoilers for stardust crusaders (part 3). word count: 2,600+. tw: bullying, implied depression, drowning, death, gore, and grief.

art credit: ロク. 

He carries himself with poise, an assurity few could ever possess. He is the personification of perfect — alas, a man who appears perfect, like a statue which leaves many in awe, a statue whose marble insides have begun to slowly erode, a statue who’s already begun falling apart. There exists not a soul who can fix him, no sculptor skilled enough, no human kind enough to fix his flaws before anyone else can catch on; Jotaro Kujo is his own sculptor, and he’s forgotten how to mend his broken pieces.

For as long as he’s known, he’s been a soldier. A boy soldier, who bears the weight of the world atop shoulders of steel, shoulders which shake and tremble when no one is looking. He is a soldier without a commander, a soldier without a purpose, and he was content with that. But he is a soldier who’s fought a battle meant for ten thousand men, a battle which has long ended, a battle which still plagues him; he is a soldier who’s fought god and he is only seventeen.

When did it begin, he wonders? When did his marble bones and stone veins start to crack? Was it that day? Becaues he remembers being bullied. He remembers taking each insult, like poison-laced daggers, and thinking nothing of it. He remembers the wrinkles, the eye bags, the grey hairs which had started to pepper his mother’s face at around the same time. He remembers the questions, the sobbing, her desperate pleas, her hesitant knocks on his bedroom door. He remembers her somehow finding out, remembers her standing up for him, one day, in the school yards. And he remembers his bullies trying to hurt her, too.

He remembers nearly killing them.

It was like the flip of a switch, how quickly he changed. Mom became mother, bitch, nuisance. She can’t understand how he felt in those moments — she couldn’t — because until the day he dies, he won’t let her. Keep her at arm’s length, don’t let her in. No one can know, no one can get close — they’ll just get hurt, too. That’s the funny thing about love: it hurts. To feel loved is wonderful, to be loved is tragic, damning, dangerous. He is a catalyst for disaster, destruction, danger, and everything in between.

Death loves him, and love has never felt so lonely.

He lost a friend that day. Metal had bent around his body like silken sheets, water had sod his clothing without care; if his body hadn’t already run cold, the water would’ve made him sick. He would’ve smiled and laughed it off with his dear friend, would’ve said his injuries are no big deal. He can still see, can still move, can still dream. 

If he’d lived.

He lost a friend that day, the only one he’d ever had.

And then there is you.

You are no different from the rest. Just another body to protect, another set of eyes he must keep from prying. Death loves him, and he’d been foolish enough to fall in love; funny how easily it happened, really. Because when you look at him, he feels as if he’s baring his all. All his insecurities and worries, all the times he’s wanted to break down and cry. It’s a feeling he hates, detests, but it’s something new, something unexpected, something needed. You are not those women who look at him with indignant curiosity. You are not his mother who looks at him with worry. You are not his grandfather nor his dead best friend; you are you, and somehow, you are everything he’s needed.

Love is a funny thing, he recalls, and that thought is enough to clear the darkness around him. It’s calming, at first. The nightmare is over and he must be waking up. Your soothing voice will greet him, as it always does; you’ll hug him, cradle him like a child, and he won’t push you away. But you don’t. You shine, so terribly bright that he has to look away for a moment. There’s warmth, comfort, safety in your direction, but he doesn’t walk forward. He doesn’t deserve it.

Not him. Not the man who let his friends die.

Jotaro, a dark, playful voice begins, echoing from the depths of nowhere. It’s familiar; far too knowing, far too cunning, far too demonic. Jotaro feels his mind start to unravel like loose threads, and the voice feeds off this, like a parasite.  If you love your friends and family so much, why do you never tell them? 

“What do you want?” Jotaro barks at nothing and turns toward the dark, turns away from you. Secretly, Jotaro has always been scared of the dark, but right now it was oddly welcoming. The dull beat of that voice, distorted and tinny, still seemed clear, pristine, ethereal. As if the voice had hands which he could not see, they wrapped around his neck like a noose and pulled. Gravity itself seemed to pull at his neck, pushing him further and further into the unforgiving abyss of the darkness as if swallowing him whole. 

Why is he here?

Just as his back hits the waters, the sudden impact knocks the oxygen out of his lungs within a second, before he’s plunged right beneath the surface. His eyes are open, even as salt-water pierced and burned; he was certain before, but this is too real to be a dream. It it weren’t for the fact that he could’ve perished any moment now, the sight before him would’ve actually been beautiful. Nothing but a color palette of deep sea blue clouded his peripheral vision with colors that were excruciatingly breath-taking in real life. 

But he isn’t deceived.

I want to wrap my brain around that head of yours, Jotaro. So, enlighten me... The disembodied voice mocks, feeling like blood rushing against his the insides of his head. It’s closer this time, over his shoulder, next to his ear, and there’s a familiarity to its tone — a familiarity he doesn’t want to acknowledge just yet. Surely telling them you care is easier than breaking your body over and over again.

Jotaro chews on the question with a hint of unmistakable disgust before spiting it out. He hears the voice laugh that mocking song once again, and the light shining from above almost feels like they’re mocking his every movement, too. They watch his arm shoot upwards, silently and slowly for their help — and they laughed. The gears in his brain start turning, willing his limbs to work as legs weakly kicked up in desperate search for air. Realization soon beats itself into his slowly-drowning lungs, and he’s left to face questions that no one but he knows the answers to.

How did he get here? Is he awake? Is he alive?

Answer me, little mortal. We haven’t got all night. The voice goads, and it feels like sharp needles have stuffed themselves into the canals of his ears. Jotaro hisses, and the voice seems content with the response, at the least. Or, perhaps you’d prefer to drown? What a peculiar way for a marine biologist to go, but humans never cease to amaze me.

Jotaro struggles to answer the voice which claims to be inhuman, but dark waters only drain into his mouth like rapids. Time wasn’t even on his mind at this point, but he couldn’t help but wonder how long he’s been underwater. The ocean seemed to pin his legs and arms into icicles, keeping them from thrashing everywhere. Soon, his attempts on fighting for oxygen were getting much more pathetic — much weaker with each kick.

‘Is this how I die?’ He thinks, chuckling at the irony. The feeling of agreeing with the voice is bitter, but its words are not wrong. To think he’d die in the embrace of something he’s spent his life researching. And even so, he wastes no time in reaching a conclusion: ‘Still not a bad way to go.’ 

Not that he'd been holding onto hope in the first place, but witnessing the light stray further from his grasp was anything but welcoming. It’s clear that his mind and body were slowly starting to lose motivation in fighting against fate. His fate.

And right now, he’s drawing nearer to the finish line.

His limbs had eventually stopped responding and allowed gravity to drag his body into the never ending abyss he’d always marveled at when he’d been alive. And despite condemning himself to his fate, the hopelessness seethed in gradually. Human nature, he concluded; to want what you cannot have is human nature. He knows that better than most.

Once his air supply ran tight, his mouth instinctively opened up once again, allowing water to flow in through his nostrils and throat. Every 'breath’ made him choke on the saltiness of the ocean waters, lungs struggling to hang on as the water slowly crushed its cage from inside and out. Barely even able to hear his own thoughts, he assumed his eardrums burst from the insane depths he was being pulled into. His eyelids grew heavy like boulders and finally drooped; he had already succumbed to the thought of death — he couldn’t even cry in anguish or relief, but perhaps the downpour above the waters was crying for him instead. The thought was comforting, to know that someone, some thing would mourn his death.

His back hits the ocean floor like a sunken ship, and he believes he’s dead until the voice speaks again: Have you had enough time to think, little mortal? Its words are scathing, and by far the last thing he wants to hear on his death bed, but with it, came air. It seemed an impossible feat at the bottom of an ocean no human has visited before, but the air is crisp and fresh. Jotaro drinks it up, gulping it down in excess, reveling at how it fills his lungs with life. The water he’d inhaled and drunk doesn’t even seem to exist, at the moment, but he hasn’t the state of mind to dwell on that.

“Where am I?” He chokes out, still tasting the bitter tang of salt against the back of his throat. The voice seems to echo around him, and he finally realizes that he is still on the ocean floor. Sea creatures he’s never seen flit around him, and despite the stark absence of any light, he can see them clear as day.

Only you know that. The voices hums, creating a vibrato in the seawaters, a sound that seems to manifest into arms and once again coil around Jotaro’s neck, like a noose. He wants to scream and thrash and fight, but the comforting presence of Star Platinum within his core is... vacant. 

I shall repeat myself. If you love your friends and family so much, why do you never tell them? The question seems out of place at the bottom of an ocean filled with light and air, but the entity leaves no room for Jotaro to dwell. The heavy stench of iron is immediately recognizable, and Jotaro realizes there’s a gash in his chest. Pale fingers, topped with blackened fingernails which have grown awfully too long, held his intestines away from his torso, the flesh coiled tightly around the hands of a man he once knew.

A man who should be dead.

And yet, here he is. And yet, there is no pain.

“Because...” The words slip past his lips before he knows how to finish. Because what? Because he’s an asshole who can’t put his feelings into words? Because he’s a fool who deserves to suffer alone? Because...

“Because I’m afraid.”

The voice cackles, creating distortions in the sand bed and deep sea water, and yet he could recognize it as clear as day. DIO.

Oh? Is that so? DIO runs a tongue over his lips, deciding to humor his little plaything. Then, hypothetically, if you do tell them you love them, what are you so afraid will happen?

Jotaro doesn’t respond.

I’m waiting.

“...I don’t know.”

Liar. DIO bites and lightly pressing a claw-like fingernail into Jotaro’s jugular. It’s not polite to lie.

“I...” The pool of blood at his feet is disorienting, vivid and real despite the darkness around him. “It’s not that I don’t want to trust them, I...” He reaches out to cup the hand still jutting from his stomach. How odd it is to see such a horrific sight and feel no pain; and it all clicks into place. Jotaro chokes up for a brief moment, hoping a reply will make this all end. “...It’s dangerous to show you care. If they knew, and if my enemies knew how important they are to me, then...”

This isn’t real. None of this is real. How many times has he had this nightmare? And how many times has he imagined just that — the corpses of his loved ones plastered along the streets? The screams that won’t stop? The look of fear and hope on their faces?

That hasn’t happened, yet, and yet he faults himself: how can he be so weak?

There we go. DIO clicks his tongue and gently strokes his great grand-nephew’s hairs — something he no doubt imagines to be an affectionate pat. Not so hard, is it? Jotaro nods, too weak to stand up for himself. This nightmare never ends. You’re afraid of being too vulnerable. DIO coos and twists his blood-covered arm, deepending Jotaro’s unreal wound. You’re afraid of being too... weak.

The ghost’s words always sting, but this nightmare has become so commonplace, so normal — as easy as breathing, despite the waters around him — that Jotaro hasn’t the strength to feel anger. It’s not like DIO is wrong. He is afraid, he is weak, and above all, he’s afaraid of being weak.

But, how curious it is, little mortal. Hasn’t anyone ever told you— the voice begins to chastise, but is cut off; its words don’t reach his ears. Rather, there’s a soothing scent, with familiar aromas he can’t quite place. But the serenity is short lived. The air Jotaro seemed to be breathing dissipates, and he’s drowning again. His throat burns as if a thousand of needles were piercing it all at the same time, chest clenching itself suffocatingly tight; it’s hell all over again. He couldn’t help but feel pathetic for not acting sooner, especially when the exit was right in front of him, even if it wasn’t anywhere near his reach. Now that chance was thrown carelessly out the window, with no means on returning back to his grasp— 

And his sinks.

As he struggled to keep himself afloat and conscious, black spots started to paint his vision one by one, and that’s when time was obviously running out. His eyelids give up —

And then he wakes up.

There’s a gentle, shaking motion, like a boat — as if he’s being cradled and soothed like he had been as a child. He can’t place it immediately, but you’re whispering soft little assurances into his ear, brushing strands of ebony hair which had plastered itself to wet skin. He realizes that the sweet scent from before is you. He can’t discern your words, not fully, not over the sound of blood rushing to his ears. If your arms weren’t wrapped around him a like a safety net, he’d still think he’s drowning, dying; but, the glimpses of words he’d catch every so often were enough to comfort him. You assure him that he’s still very much alive, that he’s awake, that nothing can hurt him, that it was all a nightmare.

It was just a nightmare.

Hasn’t anyone ever told you? The undead voice chimes, but your voice, clear as day, replaces its mocking tone, and Jotaro melts. He gazes upwards, into your eyes which hold the moon and all its stars and he suddenly remembers that wishes are made upon them.

“It’s okay to be weak, Jotaro.”

inspired by this.

[phantom-le6]

Episode Reviews - Batman: The Animated Series Season 1 (4 of 10)

Carrying on our look at the first season of Batman: The Animated Series, we present a fourth round of episode reviews, this time starting with a two-parter that introduced one of Batman’s stranger foes to the series.

Episode 20: Feat of Clay (Part 1)

Plot (as given by me):

Lucius Fox of Wayne Enterprises is lured to a secret meeting with a man who claims to be Bruce Wayne, who wants evidence the company has gathered about businessman Roland Daggett trying to take over Wayne Enterprises through insider trading.  The meeting turns out to be a set-up, but Batman’s interference ensures Fox manages to live.  However, the men escape and the injured Fox identifies Wayne as being complicit in the set-up.

 In reality, the man who set Fox up is Matt Hagan, an actor who is forced to carry out errands for Daggett in order to ensure a supply of an experimental chemical compound called “Renuyu”.  The compound makes skin highly malleable, enabling Hagan or any other user to rearrange their features as they choose.  However, the compound is also highly addictive, and Hagan needs it to cover facial disfigurements following an accident he had years ago.  Daggett insists that his men, Raymond Bell and ‘Germs’, eliminate Hagan for his incompetence, relying on Hagan’s addition to draw him to them rather than try to find Hagan, who was a noted master of disguise even before using the compound.

 As predicted, Hagan breaks into Daggett Pharmaceuticals and is caught by Bell and Germs.  They expose him to an overdose of the compound and then leave him in his car, where the compound begins to alter Hagan.  Meanwhile, Batman has learned his alter ego of Bruce Wayne was impersonated for the attack on Fox, and has remembered Bell, who is distinguished by the radio headset he wears to monitor police radio frequencies.  Batman uses this to flush Bell out by pretending to be a police radio operator.  Cornering Bell with the Batwing, Batman interrogates him about the impersonation of Wayne.  Bell confirms Wayne was impersonated, but passes out before confirming the identity of the imposter.  The arrival of the police forces Batman to abandon his efforts with Bell.

 Later, Bruce sneaks into Fox’s room at the hospital, but Fox panics and alerts the police officers outside his room, resulting in Bruce’s arrest.  Meanwhile, Hagan’s friend and stand-in Teddy Lupus tracks Hagan to Daggett’s factory, where he finds the overdose has transformed Hagan into a clay-like monster. Seeing himself in the rear-view mirror of his car, Hagan roars in horror.

Review:

Apparently, there have been several villains who have taken the name of Clayface over the course of Batman’s history in the comics, of which four had already made appearances in comics by the time this series came round.  What the series does is combine the occupation of the original Clayface Basil Karlo, namely being an actor, with the name of the second Clayface Matt Hagan, and then throws in an original origin story for the character.  Well, for the character it’s original, but for the show as a whole it’s not very original.  As the DC Animated Universe wiki rightly points out, this two-part episode shares a lot of common plot points with the ‘Two-Face’ two-part episode. Even the structure is roughly similar in that part 1 is set-up for a transformation that the principal villain then seeks retribution for in part 2.

 However, Hagan isn’t as easy to empathise with and root for compared to Harvey Dent.  While Dent was a crusading crime-fighter who was normally a good guy, and who was also friends with Bruce Wayne, Hagan comes off as someone who was probably a bit of a jerk to begin with, and who would probably be working for a creep like Daggett even if the chemicals that ultimately transform him weren’t addictive.  In essence, Hagan’s arc is like one big warning about the dangers of getting too caught up in one’s looks too much.  That said, he is well-voiced by actor Ron Perlman (yes, I mean the first cinematic Hellboy and Blade II villain Ron Perlman).  Other notable actors who have guest roles across this two-parter are Ed Begley Jr. (too many credits to name, but guest appearances in the West Wing, CSI Miami and Star Trek: Voyager number among them), and the now-late Ed Asner voicing Roland Daggett (Asner being most notable in voice acting outside of this series for Carl in Disney & Pixar’s Up!).

 Overall, it’s a decent part 1 with some very good guest talent alongside the show’s regulars.  It just lacks a bit in originality, and for that it’s only able to score 8 out of 10.

Episode 21: Feat of Clay (Part 2)

Plot (as given by me):

In his trailer at the film studio, Hagan wallows in self-pity and despair as he recalls how after his accident, Daggett conned him into being a test subject for his experimental compound.  Walking past posters on his wall, Hagan’s face changes to mimic the posters without him being aware of it.  Teddy points this out, and Hagan realises he can now make himself look like anyone, even simulating clothing out of his body. However, doing this requires intense concentration, and when Teddy disturbs Hagan, the disfigured actor lashes out, realising his career cannot be salvaged.

 Meanwhile, Wayne is released on bail, enabling him to continue his investigation as Batman, and Daggett insists that Germs kill Fox, despite the fact that Fox is in hospital and Germs earned his nickname by being a germophobe.  Hagan also deduces Daggett will try to have Fox killed, and plans to kill the assassin so he can take their place, the better to then kill Daggett.  As a result, all three men end up at the hospital. Batman intercepts Germs and manages to corner him in a room where viral and bacterial cultures are being stored for analysis, and uses this to coax Germs into revealing it was Matt Hagan who impersonated Bruce Wayne during the original ambush on Fox.

 Before Germs can reveal how Hagan pulled off the deception, a police officer appears to apparently arrest Germs.  However, it swiftly turns out the office is Hagan in disguise; he abducts Germs and takes him to the roof, intent on throwing him to his death.  Batman pursues and saves Germs, and the dark knight is startled when he sees Hagan’s face change on reflex to try and mirror his own.  Hagan uses his shape-shifting powers to try and kill Batman, but the effort soon exhausts him and he is forced to flee.  Elsewhere, Hagan finalises his plans to kill Daggett, and knocks out Teddy when he tries to talk him out of it.

 Later, Roland Daggett appears on a talk show hosted by TV journalist Summer Gleeson to promote “Renuyu” to the public.  When Summer takes questions from the audience, an overweight woman in the audience storms the stage, grilling Daggett about the chemical’s side-effects and addictive properties.  The woman then transforms, revealing it is actually Hagan in disguise, and the audience flees in terror.  Hagan, now calling himself “Clayface”, attacks Daggett, but Batman intervenes.  A fight ensues between the two that moves from the stage to the control room, Batman subduing Daggett along the way.

 In the control room, Batman activates videos of Hagan’s films, causing him to shape-shift out of control as his body tries to emulate all the varying and conflicting characters at once.  The police arrive as Hagan’s out-of-control changing continues, and they see his face briefly become that of Bruce Wayne. Hagan then smashes the control consoles, electrocuting himself.  He laments that he never got a death scene this good when he was still an actor, and won’t be around to read the notices.  While Wayne is cleared of all wrong-doing, Batman experiments on a piece of Clayface left behind and realises electricity has no effect on it. Combined with the actor’s choice of words, Batman realises Hagan gave them all a fake death; his body at the police morgue turns out to be an empty shell, and elsewhere a disguised Clayface laughs at his seeming triumph.

Review:

As I noted with part 1, the whole Clayface intro two-part story is quite derivative in its plot structure, having so many parallels to the Two-Face intro episodes that to a casual glance, they could appear identical.  However, part 2 does compensate for this with more than just a great cast of guest voices like part 1 did.  In part 2, we see Clayface show off his powers, and that’s where this episode comes to really stand out.  Unlike some DC heroes, Batman faces a rogues’ gallery composed almost entirely of otherwise normal people who are either just insane human beings or some form of professional criminal.  As a result, he’s often challenged more by their insanity or something technical they’ve done.

 Clayface, on the other hand, opens our animated Batman up to facing a foe who presents a challenge because he has a physical super-power that the caper crusader has to contend with.  Metahumans aren’t the norm for Batman solo adventures, but it’s fun to see them because they serve as evidence for why someone like Batman ultimately ends up as a member of the Justice League.  It’s his ability to get through the initial clash, learn from it and be prepared the next time around that ensures Batman can win even against a super-powered adversary.  However, even with this we’re not quite up to top marks, but we’re close.  I’d give this episode 9 out of 10.

Episode 22: Joker’s Favour

Plot (as given by me):

Average Gothamite Charlie Collins is coming home from a bad day at work when he is cut off on the freeway by multiple drivers, including Batman and officers of the GCPD.  However, the one that compels Charlie to return the favour complete with a string of abuse turns out to be the Joker.  Horrified at his mistake, Charlie then tries to flee, but the clown prince of crime pursues him.  Charlie, in the heat of the moment, states he’ll do anything to make amends, and the Joker agrees, stating that at some future time, he’ll ask a favour of Charlie.

 Two years later, Commissioner Gordon is to be honoured with a testimonial, something that sits ill with the Joker, and he plans to crash the festivities.  Despite having two henchmen and a right-hand woman in the form of one Harley Quinn, Joker decides to call in the favour owed to him by Charlie Collins. Charlie has moved cities and changed names, but the Joker has managed to keep track of the man, and insists Charlie return to Gotham if he doesn’t want his wife and son hurt.  At Gordon’s testimonial, which is being held at the Gotham Peregrinators Club, Charlie’s favour for the Joker is open the door for Harley while she pushes a giant cake in.  However, Charlie decides to try and warn Batman, and uses a club exhibit to make an improvised bat-signal.

 Charlie performs his task as Harley brings the cake in, disguised as a uniform cop.  However, Charlie finds his hand is now glued to the handle, and the cake emits a gas that paralyses everyone not involved in the Joker’s scheme (the Joker’s men, Harley and Charlie all wear gas-masks while Joker springs up from inside the cake).  The Joker pins a bomb to Commissioner Gordon’s suit and leaves with Harley and his men, planning to kill Charlie along with the assembled officers. However, Batman arrives, having spotted the improvised bat-signal as he’d been leaving the club as Bruce Wayne. At Charlie’s warning, he uses his grapnel gun to shoot the bomb outside, which results in the destruction of the Joker’s getaway van, after which he frees Charlie from the door, telling him to stay with the recovering police officers while he tackles the Joker.

 Batman is quick to take down Joker’s henchmen and Harley while Joker gets outside.  There, he is confronted by Charlie, who in mad desperation threatens the Joker with one of his own bombs that was thrown clear of the van.  Joker pleads for Batman to save him, and the dark knight appears in time to apparently talk Charlie down.  However, Charlie soon tosses the device to the ground, where it turns out to be a gag bomb instead of a real one.  While an amused Batman takes the Joker into custody, Charlie looks forward to returning to his normal life.

Review:

This episode has quite a lot going for it. For starters, it’s another Joker episode, which are generally sure bets to be interesting once any Batman show knows what they’re doing with the character.  Second, it’s a Joker episode with a very interesting premise of putting an everyman kind of character in the middle of everything.  That alone helps the episode to stand out as something different, and that’s before we consider that the everyman character is being voiced by Ed Begley Jr.  In and of itself, that last point might not seem like much, but if you compare Charlie Collins to the character Begley was voicing in the ‘Feat of Clay’ two-part episode, it shows this chap has an impressive range for voice-acting.

 However, all of this is relative pre-amble to the fact that this is the episode that first featured the show’s major break-out original character of Harley Quinn.  From the simple act of episode writer Paul Dini creating Harley as a guest character for this episode, her character has taken Batman’s original medium of comics and all other Batman mediums by storm.  It’s hard to believe given the episode isn’t giving her a proper intro with origin story and all the rest, but luckily the show would later address that. However, I think that just goes to show how strong the character was, or possibly just how much Batman lore must have needed that character without maybe realising it.  Factoring all this in, I’d say this episode is another top scorer; 10 out of 10.

Episode 23: Vendetta

Plot (as given by me):

Convict “Spider” Conway is being transported from Stonegate to give evidence against crime lord Rupert Thorne, but the transport boat is blown up by a bomb mid-transport.  The officers on board spotted the bomb and got off in time, but Conway is missing and everyone begins to assume the worst.  When Batman finds a toothpick like those used by Detective Harvey Bullock at the Stonegate Penitentiary docks, and later learns Bullock was once suspected of taking bribes from Thorne, he assumes something even worse; that Bullock planted the bomb himself.

 Bullock is taken off the Thorne/Conway case because of this unsavoury history, while Batman goes to interrogate Thorne.  The crime lord claims he wasn’t involved and that Conway’s testimony won’t damage him at all.  This seems to confirm Batman’s theory that Bullock blew up the boat to prevent anything come to light about his own past with Thorne, but Commissioner Gordon is adamant Bullock is clean.  However, when someone dressed like Bullock abducts another criminal, Joey “The Snail” Martin, from his police cell, Bullock is arrested.

 Batman examines another piece of evidence found at the docks, a scale which looks reptilian but has human cellular structure. A chance phrase of Alfred’s combined with the scale gives Batman an idea.  He eventually discovers Joey and Spider have been hidden in a cave with an underwater access and confronts their abductor, who identifies himself as a former professional wrestler named Killer Croc.  Croc was apparently born part-crocodile, which gives him a massive strength advantage.  Despite this, Batman is able to tie Croc up long enough to capture Joey and Spider and leave.

 Back at the Batcave, Batman is able to trace Croc’s past; he became a pro-wrestler after a stint as a side-show attraction, then turned to crime when he came to Gotham.  Initially penny-ante, Croc was later arrested by Bullock and convicted based on the testimony of Spidey and Joey.  Realising this, Batman intercepts Croc when he tries to corner Bullock in the detective’s car, after Bullock has been released on bail.  Batman and Croc take their battle into the sewers, where Batman ultimately wins, bringing Croc back to the surface for Bullock to take in. Bullock soon returns to duty with all charges against him formally dropped.

Review:

Here we get a fairly simple, but nonetheless decent, intro episode for another of the metahuman monsters that occasionally get a spot in the Batman rogues’ gallery.  This time it’s Killer Croc, who has a fairly simple backstory and doesn’t require the kind of introductions we’ve seen for many of Batman’s other foes. The backstory for Croc is so simple, in fact, that it doesn’t lose anything from being worked into a Bullock frame-up plot that allows us to also see a major supporting character in Batman lore developed further.  My only criticism would be that Croc’s proper name of Waylon Jones from the comics isn’t used, and that right at the end he gets identified as ‘Killer Croc Morgan’ by the news reporter.  It might seem like a minor niggle to some, but between that and the frame-up seeming a bit advanced for the simplistic Croc, I give this episode just 8 out of 10.

Episode 24: Fear of Victory

Plot (as given by me):

Amidst reports of star athletes having panic attacks that cause them to lose, Dick Grayson’s college room-mate and American football player Brian Rogers is on the verge of being signed into the professional American football leagues.  As they discuss this, Brian receives a strange telegram wishing him luck, but also reminding him that only a fool knows no fear.  Later at a crucial game, Brian suffers a panic attack of his own, and later when Dick is out as Robin assisting Batman, he has a panic attack while scaling the side of a skyscraper to tackle two thieves.

 Investigating Dick’s college dorm, Batman discovers the telegram is coated in a substance that is blocked by their gloves. Performing an experiment back at the Batcave, Batman deduces that the chemical is activated by adrenalin, causing major panic during moments of major excitement such as high-pressure sporting contests.  The nature of the chemical clearly indicates the Scarecrow, but Robin contends that Scarecrow is supposed to be locked up at Arkham Asylum.  A visit there swiftly reveals, however, that Scarecrow has escaped and somehow terrorised an orderly into keeping the escape a secret.

 Elsewhere, a man identifying himself only as ‘Lucky’ collects another big win from Leon the Bookie, who sends his enforcer after the man to find out how he is managing to win so many bets.  Lucky turns out to be the Scarecrow, and uses another drugged telegram to cow the enforcer into submission.  Batman explains to Commissioner Gordon that in order to finance his fear experiments, Scarecrow is drugging top athletes and then betting against them or their teams, depending on the sport in question.  That knight, Gotham’s professional American football team the Gotham Knights have a game that Scarecrow is likely to target, so Batman goes to intervene, Robin going along despite not yet having recovered from the fear chemical himself.

 At the game, Robin spots the disguised Scarecrow entering and follows, quickly deducing that this time, Scarecrow has tampered with a player’s helmet rather than going for the telegram trick again. Watching the game from the lighting scaffold in the stadium roof, Scarecrow is puzzled as the targeted player doesn’t have a panic attack, and is then surprised when Batman confronts him. Scarecrow threatens to drop a vial of fear toxin on the crowd if Batman doesn’t back off, but then opts to drop it to keep Batman too busy to follow him.  However, the vial lands on a lower platform instead.

 A scuffle ensues that causes the vial to fall towards the crowd, but Robin arrives in time to swing out and catch the vial, overcoming his panic attacks and saving the day.  He also reveals he was the one who swapped out the dosed helmet for a safe one.  Scarecrow is swiftly returned to Arkham and Brian Rodgers is signed up to play professional American football.

Review:

Quick bit of house-keeping; as a Brit, I cannot stand how Americans call actual football ‘soccer’ and their version of football, well, football.  After all, football is supposed to be played, as the name implies, with one’s feet.  Why the Americans apply this name to their version when they almost never use their feet to move the ball is just silly to me. Also, given the shape of the ball, I’d say what they’re really playing is rugby, albeit with a better set-up in terms of ensuring player protection and, hopefully, no stupid rules prohibiting passes in the direction players are meant to run.  So, for anyone wondering why I’ve insisted on using the term ‘American football’ all through the plot outline above, that’s why.

 So, that having now been explained, let’s consider the episode proper.  While this was the first episode to be aired featuring Robin, it’s the second from a production stand-point, and in all honesty it’s one episode that might have been better going ahead of the earlier Robin episode ‘Christmas with the Joker’.  The fact that Dick is at college, and thus less available to act as Robin, is more directly shown here, so really this should have been made as well as aired first, then the Christmas episode done later on both counts.  Robin’s arc in the story about overcoming fears is a decent, albeit highly cliché one that at times slightly undercuts the episode’s quality.

 To some degree, the return of Scarecrow with a more terrifying appearance helps compensate for this, but then also undercutting the episode is the obviousness that the Scarecrow is the culprit.  Between the episode title (and title card), not to mention the series of fear-related incidents with top athletes, it’s somewhat painful having to wait for Batman to make the connection the audience made five minutes earlier at least.  It’s like watching any episode of Columbo, where the audience gets to see what actually happened first and then has to wait ages for the detective to work it out.

 That way of presenting mysteries is almost as daft as calling a sport football if it’s not going to involve primarily foot-on-ball contact.  The audience should always be in sync with or behind the detective, and if you get there ahead of them, it should be from your own deduction, not because the book, TV episode or film spoils the solution for you while making the detective work for it.  Overall, this isn’t the best episode of the series by any means, and I give it just 5 out of 10.

Episode 25: The Clock King

Plot (as given by me):

Hamilton Hill, the future Mayor of Gotham, catches a subway to work at his law firm, and finds himself sitting opposite businessman and efficiency expert Temple Fugate, who is preparing for a hearing regarding a judgement of $20 million dollars against his company.  Hill warns Fugate that he needs to unwind a bit before the court hearing or the judge may rule against him by misreading his tension as guilt. Taking Hill’s advice, Fugate takes his coffee break 15 minutes later than normal and goes to the park instead of staying in the office.  This leads to mishaps that result in him appearing late and dishevelled, prompting the judge to rule summarily against Fugate, causing the demise of his business.

 Seven years later, Hill is now mayor of Gotham and in the process of starting a re-election campaign.  On his way to a fund-raiser for the campaign, Hill is detained when traffic lights at an intersection are tampered with, and at the same time a poster mocking Hill is unveiled on the side of a building.  Bruce Wayne is also caught in the traffic mishap, and spies the culprit on a nearby rooftop. He attempts to interfere as Batman, but the culprit (Fugate now lightly disguised as the timing-obsessed Clock King) manages to escape through his expert use of timing.

 Batman’s investigations of the traffic incident soon give him Fugate’s name, and when a bank is the subject of a targeted black-out to disable its time locks, the dark knight deduces this to also be Fugate’s work. At the bank’s vault, Batman is trapped inside by Fugate, who reveals via audio recording that he has left a high-speed vacuum pump to drain the vault’s air.  The pump will take less time than Batman’s cutting torch, and it’s rigged with a vibration-sensitive explosive to prevent Batman tampering with it.  However, Batman is able to break open the audio cassette and use the magnetic ribbon to rig up a pulley system; using this, he moves the pump to the vault door and then sets it off by hitting it with a batarang.

 The bank vault, however, was ultimately successful in that while Batman is getting free, Fugate sabotages the opening of a Gotham subway station by making two subway trains crash at the station.  Only minor injuries are reported, but in the confusion the mayor has gone missing.  Batman, hearing of this and recalling Fugate having a lot of plans of a clock tower, swiftly realises Fugate has kidnapped Hill and taken him to the tower.

 At the clock tower, Fugate has tied Hill to the clock hands, which will crush Hill at 3:15; the time Hill suggested Fugate take his coffee break at seven years earlier.  As Hill’s law firm represented the plaintiffs in the case against Fugate, the timing-obsessed criminal has become convinced Hill’s advice was deliberate sabotage, and thus he various crimes throughout the day have been about exacting revenge on Hill. Batman arrives and engages Fugate in combat inside the workings of the giant clock, until Fugate’s clock-hand sword jams the gears, causing a catastrophic collapse.  Batman and Hill escape, and while there is no sign of Fugate in the aftermath, Batman believes that a man with Fugate’s use of timing could easily have escaped as well.

Review:

While the main antagonist of this episode shares his codename and use of timing with a DC Comics villain that was mainly a foe of Green Arrow, this show puts a different person behind the name and modus operandi, complete with a different origin story.  It’s a decent story, and one that certainly breaks a major convention of the series by having Batman operate in the daytime instead of being a strictly night-time crime fighter.  However, that sort of change is good because it adds somewhat to the variety of the show while also taking the main character out of his comfort zone a bit. On a personal note, I also enjoy this episode because what happens to Fugate illustrates why if you’re someone who is worried about being somewhere on time, you should never listen to any advice that might put you behind schedule.

 Hill might think what he’s suggesting will help Fugate, but it’s clear he’s not really engaged with Fugate and doesn’t understand the man.  Anyone who is this good with timing clearly needs everything to run like, well, clockwork in order to be relaxed.  I know because I’m often the same way and can’t stand the idea of being late to anything even where it might be the social norm.  If being late is going to cause someone anxiety, don’t try to suggest that they do anything that’s going to risk making them late.  Don’t tell them to have their break at another time or to get out of their routine; let them stay in their routine because odds are they need that routine just to keep calm.

 As much as Fugate goes overboard on the revenge, Hill deserves the opening salvo of the traffic incident and poster graffiti, and so does anyone who tries to advise others on how to calm down without knowing them.  Also, changes in routine and getting outside won’t help if the source of anxiety still exists.  Anxiety, like every problem in existence, has only solution; deal with the problem at its source.  Got an illness?  Go for whatever treatment wipes it out or lets your immune system do so.  Don’t like the current government?  Vote to change who runs it and get everyone you can to vote the same way?  Want to stop discrimination of any kind?  Fight every kind actively, aggressively and never, ever just say ‘I’m not that kind of bigot’ and then do nothing else.  Problems are only ever solved by action, not evasion.

 So overall, this is a good episode with an interesting premise and a story that highlights the folly of giving well-meant advice if you don’t really know the person you’re advising.  It’s not one of the highlights of the series, but I’d be hard-pressed to consider it a flop of any kind.  I’d say about 8 out of 10 for this one.

Episode 26: Appointment in Crime Alley

Plot (as given by me):

Roland Daggett wants to buy up and redevelop Gotham’s Park Row, a formerly nice area of the city that has now become a slum so infested with crime that it is better known as Crime Alley.  However, most of the residents of the area cannot afford to live anywhere else, so they are resisting Daggett’s plans.  To that end, Daggett hires an arsonist known as Nitro to destroy the slum and make it look like a faulty gas main ruptured.  Daggett asks that the explosion occur that evening at 9pm, which is when Daggett will be otherwise occupied giving his speech to the Gotham Better Business Council.

 Bruce Wayne deduces Daggett is up to something as he watches news commentary on the Park Row situation, but he has his own appointment to keep in the area an hour prior to Daggett’s deadline, one he has apparently never failed to make.  Bruce heads to the area as Batman, but is delayed when a girl comes running out of an apartment building screaming for help.  Batman enters the apartment to find three crooks trying to terrorise the girl’s mother out of the place.  The dark knight swiftly defeats the crooks and learns they’ve been strong-arming everyone in Crime Alley to leave, suggesting they may be working for Daggett.

 Meanwhile, Crime Alley resident and physician Dr Leslie Thompkins realises Batman is running late and sets out to look for him, insisting to her friend Maggie that she’ll be alright, having lived in the area for 30 years.  However, Leslie is abducted and tied up by Nitro and Daggett’s henchman Crocker when she discovers them rigging explosives in a condemned building.  When Batman learns Leslie has gone out in search of him after he was delayed, he begins to search for her.  He is then delayed when a desperate Crime Alley resident holds a clerk from Daggett Industries hostage for serving him eviction papers.  Batman manages to diffuse the situation and resumes his search for Leslie.

 A check of Leslie’s apartment reveals nothing, apart from a scrapbook that explains the nature of her relationship to Batman; Crime Alley was where Bruce’s parents were shot and killed, and Leslie was there to comfort the grieving Bruce, being a colleague of Bruce’s father as well as a local resident.  Seeing a homeless man staring through the window, Batman confronts him and learns of Leslie’s abduction.  He is delayed getting to her by having to stop an out-of-control tram trolley, which forces him to abandon the Batmobile and finish his journey on foot.

 Finding Crocker and Nitro in the midst of completing their work, Batman locks them inside their own van and diffuses the bombs Leslie is tied up next to.  Leslie urges Batman to forget her and get everyone out of a nearby hotel that has become a sanctuary for many people with nowhere else to live.  As Daggett gives his speech, sections of Crime Alley explode, but when Daggett later appears on the scene, it turns out all the residents and most of the buildings are still ok.  Only a few condemned buildings are taken out by the blasts, and Daggett’s men are under arrest.  However, Daggett denies any involvement and pins the blame on the neighbourhood’s high crime rate.

 As Daggett leaves, Leslie urges Batman to let it go, and the pair walk away to keep their appointment, each laying a rose at the place where Bruce’s parents were murdered years before.

Review:

When it comes to adapting Batman’s supporting cast from the comics, there are a few characters who get over-looked in most versions, and Dr Leslie Thompkins is a major oversight in most incarnations. While Alfred’s place as Batman’s butler and Bruce Wayne’s surrogate father figure is generally ensured in every iteration of the character, the surrogate mother role played by Leslie is less featured.  The fact that this series actually bothered to include her at all, and does so with such accuracy to the source material, is another example of why this show remains so iconic and definitive in terms of Batman adaptations.

 Of course, the key to making this work is two-fold.  First, the episode is apparently based on a specific comic-book story, which wasn’t something this series or later DC animated universe productions did very often. Second, they had Diana Muldaur, better known to Trek audiences as Dr Kate Polaski from season two of Star Trek: TNG, voicing Leslie, and while I didn’t generally care for her TNG character, she brings the right warmth and kindliness to her role in this episode. We also get Ed Asner back as Roland Daggett, which helps to ensure Rupert Thorne isn’t the only animated series original criminal that’s getting repeat appearances.  It also gives the episode a suitably notable antagonist to keep it interesting.  Overall, I’m inclined to put this one in the top-scorers club for this series; 10 out of 10.