#I actually have no idea which pronouns to use for Nathan

[boygurphone]

Honestly. I feel like Infodumping about my mtl oc and it's be a good opportunity too since, no one really knows about her besides me and my friends SOOOOOO infodump time :3

This is "Truck Baumgardner" (his actual name is confidential. No one knows what her name is except for Truck). Truck serves as the music video director and cinematographer of Dethklok, having been with them since almost the beginning. He uses he/she pronouns

(the first reference I did of them) (this is the outfit they actually wear) (I'll make a proper ref soon)

[more info below the cut]

I'm still a little stuck on his voice claim but I'm mostly leaning to either Debbie Harry or Jen from Downtown (Tammy Lang). As of now, Jen has been a place holder voice claim.

She's very much a stoner lol (her and pickles are best friends and likes to do drugs together. They like to get drunk and high)

Speaking of Pickles and Truck, these two loved going to concerts together, mostly punk shows (Trucks favorite genre is Punk btw). The two don't do it often now since Dethklok is one of the biggest bands but they love going to bars and drinking. They're very close.

As of Fertilityklok (Season 3 episode), Truck and Toki are dating. They've been having a situationship

since probably season 1. The two do love each other, they just never said it until after the events in Fertilityklok which did make Truck a lil upset (the events in the episode I mean)

should I mention that Truck has died plenty of times in the past here too? Yeah she's immortal and has always been immortal since she was 15 after being burned alive by her father. He also knows Lucifer and likes to call him Lucy, mostly just to make him upset. She thinks it's funny.

The band all acknowledges the fact that Truck is immortal and they never talk about it. Ever since Murderface learned of this fact, Truck became this dummy for him to experiment with all of the weapons he has. The first time Toki saw Truck die, it was pretty traumatic for him since he didn't know about it. So often whenever Truck is alive, he just listens to her heartbeat to make sure he's alive.

Trucks death lore is a lil complex, if you would even call it that, it has rules. Okay, depending on the injury, Truck can be dead for at least a couple hours or for even an entire day. Though her body always rejuvenates or heals the injury in 24 hours/couple hours. It happens in real time too. I have no idea if that made any sense lol

Getting away from all the death stuff, Trucks relationship with the other band members follows as this; Truck sees Nathan as a Father figure, the only father figure in her life as her own father often neglected her. She sees Murderface as an annoying brother and the two often bicker. She has no hard feelings towards Murderface killing her because she doesn't remember it happening. Her and Skwissgaar I'm working on because I don't know, the two had a quiet falling out to say the least. They just don't talk to each other as much as they did back then.

Her relationship with Charles is professional, they do work together after all. Often Truck tells Charles the music video she has in mind for a Dethklok song/single. Dick Knubbler and Abigail still needs work but I know that Truck loves Abigail more than Knubbler and they love talking to eachother. Her and Magnus used to date but never worked out because they often fought and argued. I think of their relationship like Marceline and Ash from Adventure Time.

That's all I have in me. If you read this far, I appreciate that ! Thank u and I hope you love him just as much as I do :3

[pankracy]

still watching t&b, and I have thoughts...

First of all, Yuri had to be SO CONFUSED when Bunny was chasing him about ouroboros. If I look at the situation from his point of view it becomes immediately hilarious; he made his stance as Lunatic, started his whole true justice thing and was all “heroes bad, system corrupt, eye for an eye”, but there’s this dude harassing him about something he’s got zero idea about and in the end he had to be like FINE, let’s clear up this miscommunication: no, I have no connection to any crime syndicate or to your parents’ murder, my murdering people is completely independent and separate from whatever passes for your tragic backstory.

I will always treasure Kotetsu punching him in the face, and I remembered the old headcanon that still holds pretty damn well today -- that is, it kinda cleared Yuri’s head because he went a bit overboard in trying to kill Edward (he was not the kind of merciless murderer we’ve seen Lunatic target at first), and definitely overstepped in trying to kill Ivan just for protecting Edward. I like to think he relished too much in finally acting openly (if under alter ego) on his philosophy and in the sudden and widespread public approval; and once Kotetsu gave him a solid punch to the face he paused and considered wtf he was doing. His mask starting to crack was why he immediately had to remove himself from the situation, sure, but as far as we know he didn’t make an attempt at Edward’s life after this, and as we’ve seen not for the lack of ability, so... yeah. (Also. Kotetsu literally made his mask crack, I’m. Feelings about it.) AND it’s shown there’s conflict within him despite everything, what with the vision of his father not even grilling him about murdering random criminals but killing him, which was a desperate act of defense however you look at it. (I love Yuri, I love himmm)

FURTHER.

I find Karina’s crush on Kotetsu so stupidly cute. I don’t ship it as in I wouldn’t be into Kotetsu returning her feelings, but I love that it’s there and she got so enamored with him. Just... cute. And funnily enough, I think it’s one of those things that emphasizes how young she is, at least in how she’s handling it.

Barnaby being similarly enamored with Kotetsu and insisting he’s the most considerate person ever is wonderful (Bunny basically being like: “omg Kotetsu you’re SO thoughtful of others that’s SO amazing *twirls hair*”; and I’m barely exaggerating! incredible). The difference in how they act towards each other after the 10 months time-skip IS a little jarring, but in a fun way, and I have to say we do see how Kotetsu was little by little chipping away Bunny’s armor and getting into his heart in the first half of the show. So it doesn’t seem as ‘unnatural’ as it did to me when I watched it for the first time.

I NEED MORE ANTONIO&KOTETSU FRIENDSHIP. I love the glimpses of it we see, like how they have a bison/tiger set as pics for each other on their phones (nerds), how Antonio asks Kotetsu out for drinks, went to cheer him on during the collaboration with Karina... It’s just very nice, I love them. I also love Kotetsu with Ben. I love Kotetsu with everyone :p

Which brings me to Nathan, for whom I have big hopes for s2! It’s great how flamboyant and flirty and unapologetic about it they are, and how caring. Like when Nathan invites Kotetsu to their place after he couldn’t manage to save someone, and even though Kotetsu turns Nathan down there’s something... just so nice about this scene; it’s clear Nathan cares for Kotetsu and wanted to comfort him, and that Kotetsu recognizes and appreciates it. Ahhh, more of this. Anyway the show does cross into territory I dislike when it comes to Nathan -- it’s mostly in the framing, I suppose, it’d be so much better with the tiniest of changes sometimes. Apparently Rising is better with it, from what I heard, and it explores Nathan's backstory, so I’m tentatively optimistic about s2, and that it’ll steer clear from some stuff that is at the very least uncomfortable to watch.

Annnd I made it into the part in the story when there’s more Kaede! Which, great, I remember loving her lots too.

And the last thing, that is, again, hilarious: the lack of logos in netflix version of the show. It’s SO FUNNY watching the opening with zoom-ins on where the logos are on the heroes’ costumes, and there’s just... blank space there, so it looks super awkward. Karina doesn’t advertise pepsi anymore! Ivan’s photobombing makes no sense in this version, he appears in the frame but doesn’t show off any of his sponsors. I really wonder why it is so! The product placement was undeniably a product placement, but the lack of it takes away a very important point in the story, so I’m really. ??? about it.

[kiwinatorwaffles]

hi guys

now that ive been using tumblr more why dont i make a real intro?

hi im kiwi and welcome to my blog!

i also go by fels/waffles and nathan/nate, but kiwi is generally preferred unless you already know someone named kiwi and need a way to distinguish.

as you’ve probably guessed, i’m aroace!

i use both she/her and he/him pronouns, but honestly use whatever’s funniest. like call me bro if you want. my gender is The Bit. (but i only use gendered terms/honorifics)

i am a multifandom... kinda? i mean i rb stuff relating to my interests

but my main fandom for now is hermitcraft + hermit-adjacent SMPs, and on the side there’s legend of zelda, ace attorney and cookie run ovenbreak. also i never shut up about the loathing games so if youve played any of them.... put your fingers in my enclosure i wont bite i prommy

feel free to use my art for icons, banners, edits, dubs etc as long as you credit me.

i’m also a mod for @thelinkconvention (although i can’t check notifs very often) and i’m totally not a mod for @evilxdoodles but you should check it out wink wink nudge nudge

a lot of my art ideas and fics are co-written by my best friend and partner in crime @skyspersonalhell :D

i try my best to write image descriptions for my art (which i put in the alt text) but i’m not always consistent :’] i appreciate any IDs people write for me!

VDHAU masterpost for those who want it!

check out my store on etsy!

please don’t tag my work as ships if i don’t tag/specify it myself 👍 i can’t stop you but i would prefer not to have my works misinterpreted. you can check under the cut for my more detailed stance on shipping!

please do not bring discourse to my page. don’t make me tap the sign.

open up the cut for my tags, page content warnings, boundaries/full shipping stance, and other socials!

my tags!

art- #kiwi’s scribbles random thoughts- #kiwi’s calls writing & headcanons- #orchard’s library asks- #birdhouse inquiries homemade memes- #kiwi’s shitpost central oc content- #kiwi’s ocs (individual stories are tagged with the "original story: __" and "fandom ocs: __" format but you can check out my toyhouse for more actual stuff)

a masterpost of silly misc tags on my page can also be found here!

IMPORTANT NOTICES FOR MY PAGE!

i might end up drawing possible triggering content! here are some things i draw:

blood, gore, and violence

dark and heavy material

general spooky content sometimes

gay people /j /j /j /j

my page also includes lots of swearing and all caps! if you dont like that then it probably isnt the best choice to follow me.

i filter any triggers with # ___ tw and keep in mind i do also use the #cursed tag for filtering those type of posts if you know what i’m saying just a heads up

BOUNDARIES—

here is my full stance on shipping! please read it if you are wondering about my boundaries! but the tl;dr of that post is that while i am not against shipping, please do not take it to my page if i don’t mention it myself 👍

there are certain ships i am really not comfortable with, so please don't take it personally if i block you for that reason

like i said earlier, please do not tag any of my works as a ship, unless i specify it myself! i mean you CAN i can’t stop you but i’ll probably end up blocking you for my own comfort. nothing personal

as mentioned before, do not bring discourse topics onto my page! any asks or comments about discourse will be not be dignified with a response and promptly deleted!

if the discourse pertains to something i posted, then please do inform me with a reason why i was wrong! however, if you phrase it like a callout or discourse, i will be treating it as such and deleting it!

if you want to learn more about me, here’s my carrd! it includes other socials as well as a (kind of loose) byi.

i don’t have a specific dni, but i do block people who make me uncomfortable. i also don’t interact with people if they’re weird.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE ART

i'm kind of on a hiatus on instagram but if you still want to check it out -- @ kiwinatorwaffles for my main and @ kiwisnotgay for my doodles/alt. you can check out my original characters in more depth on my toyhouse, which is also @ kiwinatorwaffles!

THANKS FOR READING! FEEL FREE TO CHAT OR SEND ME QUESTIONS!

[just-your-local-he-they]

(these pictures are from internet drawing bases I put into ms paint except for the last four those are piccrews I put into ms paint) (Before we get to the actual post I just need to say I do plan on making this a book or comic or something the base concept is demons (they have no religious aspect of any kind to them) exist and live alongside humans but there is an agency of demons that protect the world from threats (mainly other demons trying to take over the world and shit) all demons have some unique power, wings, and horns (demons can make make their horns and wings disappear and reappear at will) (Some don’t have wings but that’s either due to genetic mutation or someone cut off their wings same for horns) (also all of them have another form idk what to call it yet but I’ll draw it and post it later) it shall be very gay (if you have ideas for this series message me)) These are the first of my many demon ocs the one with the crown is Nathan(aro-ace cis-male pronouns: he/him) He is usually very serious but occasionally he will make a joke or crack up at others jokes he’s the planner of the group no one ever follows his plans which annoys the fuck out of him (his power is storage he can store anything including people. These things go into an infinite void he can teleport anything into this storage void as long as he’s touched it sometime within an 1 hour if he teleports people into it they don’t remember what the inside was like. He cannot store himself.) (his origins are strange as are Ello’s (the one on the right) he comes from a concept I found from reading a creepypasta fanfic which I then included in my creepypasta oc (to read my creepypasta oc’s story go to Wattpad my account is https://www.wattpad.com/user/Sundrop247Roleplay and read The dark prince) Ello (pansexual and nonbinary pronouns: she/they) the blonde one, is easygoing, very sassy, and they are very powerful (their power is chains she can grow chains from her body which they can freely manipulate. These chains can be used for various purposes such as offensive maneuvers or grabbing things. These chains remain attached to her, and if they are broken or she removes them the detached chains immediately evaporate.) the other one with black and yellow hair is me im pansexual and nonbinary my pronouns are he/they/it +most neopronouns just call me by my username, any characters I kin(if you know what characters those are), shortened versions of my username (ex: local), or my name Alex.... also yes I’m totally self-inserting myself into this universe with my demon characters... also yes many aspects of how I drew myself are not how I actually look but how I wanna look.... no my self insert will not be a demon but will be a human who somehow can use the powers of the demons (I haven’t thought of how that will work yet) no I will not be the main character no one will be... that is all goodbye...

[cohentm]

✮     ∷     ╰  𝖚𝖕𝖉𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 .

             I FEEL LIKE i just ran away from home and then realized i’m five and, unfortunately, cannot survive without my parents. LMDFLKDFGM i missed u all and had to return… we hate to see it. anyway! whew. i figured i’d post a refreshed lil intro for cohen to make sure i hit on some key changes before i hop back into the game! the most important / group-related part is right at the top, so if u read nothing else, read that! ily all and i’m excited to jump back in like i never left. i’ll be sliding in dms and makin’ starters asap, so if u wanna make some connection changes my door’s always open! x

✮     ∷     ╰  𝖈𝖔𝖍𝖊𝖓 𝖘𝖊𝖌𝖚𝖗𝖆 : 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 .

cohen currently lives in a glorified, raggedy frat-esque house ( he is NOT a fratboy but he might as well be huh ) of his own right off campus, about a five minute drive / ten minute walk from the stadium ( it’s about four bedrooms large with three bathrooms, all on one floor. think david dobrik’s house–click here to see–except much uglier and CHEAP MVDFLG ). 

he’s fiscally very protective of his savings. he’s been working since he was 12 with his dad, and never ever spent his money, despite some repetitive near-misses where his parents tried ( and failed, bc cohen’s slick ) to steal money from him. basically he now pays for his share of the house using the money he saves/has always saved working for factories, farms, & fixing people’s junk cars. 

his only current roommate is foster, meaning he has two spare rooms he’s not really doing anything with. beer pong table’s outside, the kitchen is the alcohol hot spot, there’s a pool table instead of a dining room table, u know how it goes. 

regardless, he throws open invite house parties literally every weekend. they take place every friday night up until the sun rises on sunday morning–whether he’s around the house for all of five seconds or all night doesn’t matter, because they’re always a-go. 

you’re all 100% free to use his house entirely at your leisure for character fun / development / a place for ur thread to take place / etc! you don’t even need to get my okay beforehand! just do it! think of it as a known dillon fact that cohen’s having a house party every weekend NFKDFNDFKJG. 

no matter who you are, whether cohen likes you or not, he will not care if you show up with some randos or familiar faces and party it out. he’s socially bored 24/7 and full of apathy and alcohol at all times so mans probably will be plastered drunk out doing donuts in the parking lot and fighting someone he doesn’t have beef with anyway. ur muse probably won’t even see him there. LMKGDFLG if you’ve ever seen burlesque? literally him showing up to his OWN house for a visit / to get plastered and then wander off during the weekend party is…. real. so yeah! use his house like it’s ur own. just be out by sunday afternoon bc he likes to pretend none of it ever happened as soon as he wakes up and has to be sober for school. x KMVFBLFG love u all.

✮     ∷     ╰  𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬  &  𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 .

tw: eating disorder mentions ( food & lifestyle ), drug addiction / recovery, alcoholism, & mentions of past steroid use.

full name.    cohen anthony segura.

aka.    co, jet.

character inspiration.    adam parrish ( the raven cycle ), vince howard & tim riggins lovechild ( if y’all watched fnl…. let’s cry together ), a much more problematic  &  asshole-ish david dobrik ( the vlog squad ), nathan scott ( oth ), steven hyde ( that ‘70s show ), emily prentiss & aaron hotchner lovechild ( criminal minds ), & noel miller ( tmg ).

age & d.o.b.    twenty-two. birthdate tbd.

zodiac.    virgo sun, aries moon, & aquarius rising.

pronouns.    he / him.

orientation.    openly bisexual.

this has never presented as too large of an issue for cohen, despite living in dillon. he isn’t afraid of being talked about, and has a history of making sure people know he can hold his own if anyone has anything to say about his personal life.

university major.    architecture  &  architectural technology.

after living in a trailer for the duration of his life, the idea that he would be invested in architecture is astounding. however, here he is. his passion for home creation stemmed from growing up and envisioning a real home to live in. his parents are both into self-taught carpentry, and his dad was shoving tools and measuring tape into his hands from the time he was young in an effort to instill in him a firm “get it done yourself” mindset. he spends his time studying structure  &  building planning, and secretly has a journal full of dream house mark-ups.

occupation.    wide receiver for the dillon panthers, full time student, & prospective architect / carpenter post-college.

tattoos.    many riddled throughout his body. brandon arreaga’s tattoos are cohen’s.

face claim.    brandon arreaga.

alignment.    neutral evil.

hogwarts.    slytherin.

positive & negative traits.    ( if u’ve already read this do not read it again i promise u nothing here changed LSMFLD )

hardworking–he works himself to the bone and is entirely unapologetic about it. you’ll rarely catch him slipping, but if he does, he’s the first to get ear-splittingly angry with himself over it. he’s way too hard on himself & he knows it, but he’ll never admit it. 

he nitpicks at the flaws of others in an effort to feel superior, and always acts unaffected when he’s called out for bringing the team down when he’s not taking care of himself ( cue vince howard from fnl or nathan scott from oth scenes where they’re bragging about how good they are on the field even though he’s apt to get himself hurt because of how desperate he is for some kind of validation–cohen had a huge issue with restricting and abusing stimulants / testing steroids throughout high school and college in an attempt to boost his football persona. he was always incredibly fast and beat literal ODDS to maintain his wide receiver position, but especially thanks to his small build he’s used to being underestimated / downplayed, which puts a really heavy weight on his shoulders. today, he’s eating healthily, he’s off drugs, and he’s taking care of himself better than he ever has before, but it’s still incredibly hard and he still reaches out for ways to overcompensate, which is where alcohol usually comes into play ). 

transparent–sure, he can turn into a stressed out & irritable jerk within a fraction of a second, but at least he’s upfront about when he switches lanes. LDFGLMKFG

he’s incredibly focused, which means he’s never going to linger in uncertainty for too long before he admits that he’s just not down to be around you / to be there / to talk / etc. he’s no bullshitter by any means. he’d rather hurt your feelings and keep his environment stable and tactile than stick around and put his easily shaken emotions at risk just to make you comfy. 

he’s also accountable. he knows when he’s causing shit to fuck up & hit the fan, and he’s always quick to right wrongs when things are on him. ofc he’s bred from a family full of blame-givers, so he unhealthily picked up a bad habit of being really good at sounding like he’s apologizing sincerely when he’s really just trying to end a fight because he’s annoyed. LDCLDKMFDFG. 

he’s blunt, temperamental, & incredibly selfish when it comes to his own lifelines / vices, but wholeheartedly selfless when it comes to doing anything to protect or lift up the people he loves.

mental diagnoses.    anorexia nervosa ( in recovery ), alcoholism ( ongoing ), an addiction to various stimulants ( in recovery ), & frequent past attempts at steroid use.

physical diagnoses.    n / a.

phobias.    has an irrational fear of accidentally burning down his house. will get immensely stressed–to the point where he’s absolutely annoying and intolerable to put up with / be around–if someone’s cooking or baking “irresponsibly.” will probably yell at you and hover-cook until you let him take over so he can make sure nothing goes wrong. LMSDFKLFG

scars.   an appendix scar on his lower left side.

drug use.    frequently.

alcohol use.    frequently.

diet.    very decently rounded. he loves to cook, despite being self-taught. growing up the way he did, he settles for making simple dishes very well. he’s not the type to go all out for dinner. he meal preps like it’s his job. he usually just settles with some kind of pan-friend chicken and pasta dish at home.

birth place.    dillon, texas.

parents.    "jude" judith & anthony segura. 

two lower class parents with deep-rooted anger issues. they currently live in the same trailer park together, in separate trailers, and fight with each other constantly. they claim they’re divorced, and are seeing other people, but they’ve never actually filed for anything, since anthony segura thinks it’s just a ploy for judith to take “half [his] shit.” cohen visits them often, and acts as a middle ground child who hates but loves both of them equally. his dad enjoys / tolerates his son’s presence more than his mother does, but only marginally. his mother’s much less concerned with the fact that she has children, since, in her mind, her relationship issues are the most important things in her life. cohen spent many nights as a kid with his drugged up mom in his lap while she cried about not being loved by anyone. his dad, even though he’s rough with cohen, at least spends time with him every now and again. as a kid, his dad was handing him beers to drink and tools to learn to use to prove he was a man ( despite being a ten y/o child bfkjgk oh well! ). regardless, today cohen lives on his own but is still the financial backbone for his parents–since his mom is unemployed and his dad is a seasonal construction worker–and has been since he was fifteen. they ask him for money every chance they get, and cohen never says no.

siblings.    a younger sister ( by two years ). loves her to death. would protect her with his life.

pets.    he’s notorious for letting a certain set of strays run amuck in his house. he feeds the neighborhood cat, is a-okay with people bringing their animals to his parties, etc. but he’s too scared of permanence and obsessed with independence to ever follow through with getting his own animal.

education.    current senior at dillon university. 

he has always been a decent student. he got into architectural honors college his sophomore year of college. however, he’s still not by any means incredibly intelligent. he’s decent grade-wise, but only because he tries really hard and puts in the effort it takes to keep up in a field like architecture. he’s also a chronic cheater, but c’est la vie! lmfgdflkg he spends the vast majority of his time either studying or practicing, and gets very irritable very quick doing either activity because he doesn’t know how to manage stress, so he drinks in the evenings in an attempt to make up for his tense demeanor, but he’s an angry drunk so… whomst are we really kidding here. LMDFKLG

languages.    english & american sign language.

[theomnilegent]

2019 Upcoming YA Fiction With Transgender, Nonbinary and Gender Non-Conforming Characters!

My last list focused on LGBTQA Fiction with female-led characters. There aren’t many of those this year that also happen to have transgender characters, so I’ve decided to put all the novels covering this topic in one list. It’s unfortunate there aren’t as many stories about transgender characters, let alone #ownvoices stories, but we can all hope that in the next year we’ll see even more! There are a few coming out stories, and a couple of romances in this batch of 2019′s LGBT fiction.

Below you’ll find titles, summaries, and goodreads links. Warning for mentions of transphobia and transphobic violence.

The Hand, The Eye & The Heart by Zoe Marriott Zhilan was assigned female at birth; despite an unusual gift for illusions, they know they will live out their life in the perfumed confines of the women’s quarters. But when civil war sets the country aflame, Zhilan is the only one who can save their disabled Father from death on the battlefield. By taking his place. Surviving brutal army training as a male recruit – Zhi – is only the first challenge. Soon Zhi’s unique talents draw them into an even more perilous fight, in the glittering court of the Land of Dragons, where love and betrayal are two sides of the same smile. The fate of an Empire rests on Zhi’s shoulders. But to win, they must first decide where their loyalty, and their heart, truly belongs. 

Zenobia July by Lisa Bunker Zenobia July is starting a new life. She used to live in Arizona with her father; now she's in Maine with her aunts. She used to spend most of her time behind a computer screen, improving her impressive coding and hacking skills; now she's coming out of her shell and discovering a community of friends at Monarch Middle School. People used to tell her she was a boy; now she's able to live openly as the girl she always knew she was. When someone anonymously posts hateful memes on her school's website, Zenobia knows she's the one with the abilities to solve the mystery, all while wrestling with the challenges of a new school, a new family, and coming to grips with presenting her true gender for the first time. Timely and touching, Zenobia July is, at its heart, a story about finding home.

In The Silences by Rachel Gold When did life get so dangerous? Kaz Adams just wants to read comic books with her best friend, Aisha Warren. And maybe get up the nerve to ask her out, if Kaz turns out to be a gender that Aisha’s into. Kaz figured she’d be the target of violence for her gender nonconformity, but a fatal police shooting thirty miles from their town opens her eyes to the realities of racism. She watches as pressures at school and in their social group mount against Aisha. Kaz would try to stop a bullet for Aisha if she had to, but she has no idea how to stop the waves of soul-crushing disapproval and judgment. When she talks to the other white students and adults in her area, they don’t seem to understand what she’s talking about. Aisha has helped Kaz find a place in the world, but that was about Kaz’s gender expression. Kaz can’t magically change the world for Aisha, but something has to change in their school system or she’ll lose the girl she loves.

I Wish You All The Best by Mason Deaver When Ben De Backer comes out to their parents as nonbinary, they're thrown out of their house and forced to move in with their estranged older sister, Hannah, and her husband, Thomas, whom Ben has never even met. Struggling with an anxiety disorder compounded by their parents' rejection, they come out only to Hannah, Thomas, and their therapist and try to keep a low profile in a new school. But Ben's attempts to survive the last half of senior year unnoticed are thwarted when Nathan Allan, a funny and charismatic student, decides to take Ben under his wing. As Ben and Nathan's friendship grows, their feelings for each other begin to change, and what started as a disastrous turn of events looks like it might just be a chance to start a happier new life. 

My Brother’s Name is Jessica by John Boyne Sam Waver's life has always been pretty quiet. A bit of a loner, he struggles to make friends, and his busy parents often make him feel invisible. Luckily for Sam, his older brother, Jason, has always been there for him. Sam idolises Jason, who seems to have life sorted - he's kind, popular, amazing at football, and girls are falling over themselves to date him. But then one evening Jason calls his family together to tell them that he's been struggling with a secret for a long time. A secret which quickly threatens to tear them all apart. His parents don't want to know and Sam simply doesn't understand. Because what do you do when your brother says he's not your brother at all? That he thinks he's actually... your sister?

Something Like Gravity by Amber Smith Chris and Maia aren’t off to a great start. A near-fatal car accident first brings them together, and their next encounters don’t fare much better. Chris’s good intentions backfire. Maia’s temper gets the best of her. But they’re neighbors, at least for the summer, and despite their best efforts, they just can’t seem to stay away from each other. The path forward isn’t easy. Chris has come out as transgender, but he’s still processing a frightening assault he survived the year before. Maia is grieving the loss of her older sister and trying to find her place in the world without her. Falling in love was the last thing on either of their minds. But would it be so bad if it happened anyway?

Everything Grows by Aimee Herman Fifteen-year-old Eleanor Fromme just chopped off all of her hair. How else should she cope after hearing that her bully, James, has committed suicide? When Eleanor’s English teacher suggests students write a letter to a person who would never read it to get their feelings out, Eleanor chooses James. With each letter she writes, Eleanor discovers more about herself, even while trying to make sense of his death. And, with the help of a unique cast of characters, Eleanor not only learns what it means to be inside a body that does not quite match what she feels on the inside, but also comes to terms with her own mother’s mental illness. Set against a 1993-era backdrop of grunge rock and riot grrl bands, EVERYTHING GROWS depicts Eleanor’s extraordinary journey to solve the mystery within her and feel complete. Along the way, she loses and gains friends, rebuilds relationships with her family, and develops a system of support to help figure out the language of her queer identity.

Kings, Queens, And In-Betweens by Tanya Boteju Perpetually awkward Nima Kumara-Clark is bored with her insular community of Bridgeton, in love with her straight girlfriend, and trying to move past her mother’s unexpected departure. After a bewildering encounter at a local festival, Nima finds herself suddenly immersed in the drag scene on the other side of town. Macho drag kings, magical queens, new love interests, and surprising allies propel Nima both painfully and hilariously closer to a self she never knew she could be—one that can confidently express and accept love. But she’ll have to learn to accept lost love to get there. 

What Makes You Beautiful by Bridget Liang Logan Osborne knows he likes boys, but has not come out to his family or at school, and no one knows that he likes to sometimes wear girls' clothes and makeup. When he starts at a school for the arts he finds a wider range of gender and orientation being accepted. Logan is attracted to Kyle, who has gay dads. But Kyle is straight. Logan finds he doesn't like the way gay boys treat him, and a disturbing hookup with a boy who is fetishistic about Logan's half-Asian background makes Logan even more confused about what he wants and who he is. Encouraged and supported by his friends at school, Logan experiments with nail polish and more feminine clothes in public. Logan begins questioning his gender and decides to use they pronouns while trying to figure things out. Logan meets a classmate's chosen mother, who is a transgender Chinese woman, and begins to come to terms with their gender identity. Realizing they are not a gay boy, but a transgender girl, Logan asks for people to call them Veronica. As a girl, does Veronica stand a chance with Kyle?

[fall19intensive]

week 3 // day 3

As I said in a previous post, we wanted to get as much feedback as we possibly could so we emailed it to Sarah Nathan, the MV alumni that came up w the idea. She made many many comments, so we spent most of the day responding to them and making changes. 

These are her comments on the application:

- I would recommend switching the order of some of these questions. You can start with the "Profile" section, but then I might move on to the more substantive question of what micro-business they're interested in and why. Getting to open with their excitement and vision can help people avoid dismissing themselves as candidates because of their life situations.

- Absolutely, we hadn’t even thought of that! We put the Plan section at the beginning because that’s the most relevant question for the application, then we followed with income and job question which will tell us why they’re applying, then we listed the rest of the questions in order of relevance. 

About the gender question:

- Why do you care about gender? If you have a good reason for wanting to know, I would put "Gender/Preferred Pronouns" and then not bother giving suggested answers. I think that will feel more inclusive than F/M/Other, which could suggest that transgender people are "other" rather than F/M or that all variations outside of cis F/M should be relegated to the "other" category.

- We mostly asked the question in order to get to know them and understand them better, but we will definitely take out the suggested answers. People should be able to define themselves rather than circle an answer that's given to them. I wasn't aware of how suggesting "other" is offensive, but you're absolutely right! Thank you for your insight. :)

About the family questions:

- As an applicant, these questions might make me nervous. "Are you going to reject me because I have other responsibilities that might take my time away from running a successful business?" Be transparent about why you're asking the question. Do you give preference to people with children?

- For the family questions, we're mostly asking to gauge their responsibilities outside of their micro-enterprise and how much time they might be able to actually invest in their business. Do you believe that we should write a sort of description below each of the categories explaining why we're asking the question? Or would that influence their answers? Most people who fill out the form will get an interview as the criteria for acceptance is really not that strict. Meaning that we don't really give preference to any particular answers. I added a bit of a disclaimer at the top saying that no answer is wrong and we are just trying to get a better understanding of their situation. Hopefully, that will make the whole application less intimidating.

- I was going to say something similar. Like, start the whole section with, "These questions are to help us get to know you better. Answering honestly will help us work with you to create a micro-enterprise that fits your needs.

About the criminal record questions:

- Again, this is a HUGE question. Are there particular types of crime that you are worried about? If so, you can narrow this down. I would also STRONGLY suggest that you make this question part of the interview process rather than the application. It WILL influence who you choose to interview, whether you want it to or not. Getting to know an applicant first, then learning about their conviction history in an in-person setting when they can explain the situation, will give applicants who have overcome these issues a better chance of being heard. A lot of the people who could benefit from the micro-enterprise may have convictions, and that shouldn't necessarily knock against them.

- We were hesitant to ask about their criminal record at all, but the main reason we did was just that we were talking about how to make sure that they don't just take the supplies that we loan them. We want to make sure that if we give someone a lawnmower, they won't just take it or sell it. You are right that this is a very personal question, so we will definitely move it to the interview. But, I'm wondering if we need it at all or if you know something else that should be part of the process (a question in the application or interview) that would be better for determining how we can trust them with the materials we loan out.

- As I mentioned before, I would remove the question from the application and include it in the interview. I would have a follow-up question of something like, "How has that experience influenced you?" Having a follow up like that might give you a better sense of whether or not to trust someone.

Assuming you accept an applicant and rent out equipment to them, you will presumably have their name and some other personal information. You can always bring information to the police if someone steals from the enterprise. There should also be some sort of simple contract that people sign, stating that they are responsible for damage to the equipment that doesn't result from regular wear and tear. I think to have a general policy of trust - and explicitly stating it to the people you contract with - is the best way to get people to respect your equipment. Remind them that your tools are a community resource, and just say that you trust them with the responsibility to take care of it. I believe that the more you treat someone like they are the best version of themselves, the more they will embody the best version of themselves.

- We will definitely add a follow-up question so that the talk about their criminal record feels more like a conversation an less like an interrogation. Over the last four days of this intensive, we will also definitely make up a contract.

These are her comments on the interview:

- Maybe replace your question, “How do you feel your skills will help you succeed in your business?” with "What skills do you have that will help you succeed in your business?"

- This asks them to list their skills and asks them to link that to how it will help their business. 

- Will the launchpad provide any additional resources such as transportation? It's okay if the answer is no, but I'm just curious. It sounds like you might be providing help with creating a mission, making a plan, etc. You might want to add a question like, "What are specific ways that the launchpad could help you make your business successful?" If that doesn't sound relevant to you, just ignore the comment.

- We believe that if the launchpad got big enough and was able to have more resources, then providing transportation would be a great option. But, I don’t believe that that would be possible at the beginning. However, I think that that question would be really beneficially as it would allow them to feel as though they can ask for help and they are supported.

These are her comments on the criteria of acceptance:

- What are "crimes of concern"? How have you chosen these crimes? Who is supposed to be protected by this criterium? If someone has served their time in prison and the state decides to release them to society, should we consider it a debt fully paid and a danger gone? Or no?

- I responded to your comment on the application form, but mostly we just wanted a way to determine that we can trust them. Trust is something that is hard to measure and we weren't exactly sure of what we could ask in the application to determine how much we could trust them, so kind of the easiest question was about their criminal record. So, the crimes of concern would be like theft for example. But, of course, we want to make this program as inclusive as possible and we recognize that people who've committed crimes are usually the ones that have the most trouble finding other jobs and would, therefore, benefit the most from a micro-enterprise launchpad. We just didn't really know how else to measure trust.

Also, the prison system does not work perfectly. Sometimes innocent, harmless people go to jail and then are judged on their inaccurate label of “criminal”, but sometimes people who have not learned and could still be a potential threat are let out of jail and they commit other crimes. Sometimes people commit crimes on purpose to go back in jail because it feels safer than outside or it feels more normal or they can’t get out of the criminal activity that they were involved in before. Crime is a very convoluted subject so we ought to be cautious, but in this situation, we would rather risk something in the name of being inclusive than turn away those who might really need help just because of their past. 

Overall, we learned a lot from her comments. We thought more deeply about questions that we were asking and their effects on applicants so that it would fit the needs of our applicants in particular. Tomorrow, we will work on crafting the contract for the accepted applicants to fill out so that we can establish a culture of trust and reliability within the program. 

Until then,

Colette

[friendlyneighborhoodborg]

Marc Appreciation Week 2019| Day 6: Collab| “Working Together”

Okay, this is actually late.  It is past midnight, technically Day 7.

I am actually posting Day 7 later today, hopefully before the week is out.

Anyway here’s the 6th day, and the only chapter in the dumpster fire to actually follow the prompt given.

Disclaimers were in Day 1.

Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

AO3 Link

(~3200 biddling words.  Why do I do this to myself?)

           Marc didn’t know what he was.  Today was weird: he didn’t feel girly anymore after last night, but at the same time he didn’t think the “he” suited him today.  He realized this must have been what Alix was talking about before, about non-binary gender.

           Being something that wasn’t a boy or a girl was trippy.  Marc had felt it before, probably, but knowing what it was (which felt obvious now, considering… well, everything he was currently feeling) made it… something.  For all the words he knew, he couldn’t peg one for the experience.

           It occurred that he ought to have been surprised by how quickly he had taken to reconsidering his pronouns.  But then, that’s what his gender did, didn’t it?  Didn’t he always know that his gender did that?  Hadn’t that been such a large source of his anxiety for years?

          And now he was just rolling with it.

          That morning, he had glanced at himself in a mirror, per his usual routine.  His old adjectives, “Not him again” and “Could be worse” were absent this time.  Instead, he had felt heavy.  Overdressed, perhaps, only in his own skin.

          But he could live with that.

          It still stank, because French didn’t have a third-gender pronoun.  That meant that, regardless of his actual self, he had to use male pronouns.

          So, he comfortably got dressed, did up his face in a way he thought would suit him, and left for school.

          Something was different that afternoon.  Alix wasn’t in for some reason, which automatically meant the art teacher (he still kept forgetting his name) was more relaxed.  Juleka and Rose were separated, for once.  Rose was sitting in a corner, feverishly scribbling down notes in her pad.  Juleka was in the opposite corner, reading a horror novel, and her ankle was shackled to a protruding pipe.

          He approached Juleka cautiously, eyeing her restraints warily. “Did, uh…” He glanced up at the teacher, making sure he wasn’t listening.  “Did Alix tell you?”

          “Yeah, she got your text.”  Juleka glanced up meaningfully at her girlfriend, by herself in the corner. “Lucky someone in this club has their head on straight.”

          Marc chuckled.  “I don’t know if we can say that, there’s like one straight person in this club.”

          Juleka smiled for a second, then went back to reading her book. “And where was she, huh?  Crazy overworked, fixing up stuff our last class rep neglected.  Notice she couldn’t drop by all week?”  She calmly flipped the page she was on.  “Once again, Chloé got us into another fine mess that Marinette’s gotta pull us out of.  Again.”

          “What?” said Marc.  “No, I meant… wait, Marinette’s straight?”

          The musician shrugged.  “So she claims.  It is impolite to assume.”  As normal, her expression and tone betrayed little.

          “Biggest shock of my week,” was Marc’s jested reply.  “But I was talking about Nathaniel.”

          “Hm?  Oh yeah.” She pulled up one hand to do finger-quotes.  “‘Straight.’  That’s definitely an adjective that can describe him.  Marc, have you seen the way he draws Chat Noir?”

          “Of course, what about it?”

          “Well, maybe you’re both blinded by the superhero’s skintight leather, but the boy is not that ripped.”

          Rose hummed loudly.  Juleka glanced up at her.

          “I’m not trying to push anything, unlike some people,” she protested.  “I’m merely pointing out that he should have already noticed by now, in a manner he will not pick up on for purposes of dramatic irony.”

          “What’s going on?” he asked. “And what’s with you two?”  He looked at the chain.  “And… that?”

          “She’s on probation,” explained Juleka.  “Until she realizes what she did was wrong.”

          “Probation of what?”

          “Getting to run my hands through that soft, dark hair,” Rose replied for her, rubbing her fingers over the pages of her lyrics.  “Holding her close to me, closing my eyes and breathing in her clove-scented perfume.  Feeling the warmth of a heart matched beat-for-beat with mine.”

          Marc looked back at Juleka.  She was nose-deep in her book, but her forehead was sweating, her knuckles were white, and she refused to look anywhere near where Rose was sitting.

          “Is that why you’ve chained yourself to this pipe?”

          Juleka whimpered a little before answering.  “It’s funny, in a tragic sort of way.”

          “So, what’s holding Rose back?”

          “Pity, mostly.”

          “This isn’t about the makeup thing, is it?” questioned the writer.  “I don’t blame Rose for anything that happened.  I mean, it worked out, sort of.”

          “Yeah, no thanks to me,” sniffed the poet. “If I’d have known…”

          “Hey.”  He approached her and offered his hand.  “Hindsight is 20/20.”

          “Still.”  She rubbed the brimming tears from her eyes.  “I was such an idiot, and you had to go through all of that because of me.”

          “You’re still the first one who listened.  Let’s be honest, that could have gone a lot worse.”

          “I overreacted.”  She looked down and continued to write, though it was mostly an excuse to avoid Marc’s eyes. “I thought I knew what was happening, and I thought I could help.  I was wrong to try and do it by myself without seeing a second opinion.”  Sniffing, she closed the notebook.  “I’m sorry.”

          “Oh…” groaned Juleka.  “So close, Rose.  Come on, I know you can do it.”

          “Do what?”

          “We aren’t be allowed to touch each other until she figures out exactly where she went wrong.  She’s got most of it, but I’m not allowed to tell her the last one.”

          “Okay, but why are you doing,” he gestured wildly at both girls, “this?”

          “Because I don’t have the key and Rose is really trying, bless her.”

          He looked between the two of them a few times, both of them equally miserable.  “I get the feeling this wasn’t your guys’ arrangement.”

          “It was Alix’s,” admitted Juleka.  “We both went along with it.  The chain was my idea, though.  It’s the cruelest and most elaborate punishment ever devised, who do you think dreamt it up?”

          “I mean,” Marc disputed, “I wouldn’t have pegged her specifically.”  Particularly not after their little heart-to-heart yesterday.

          “Never tick off someone with a small body-mass-to-temper ratio,” Rose advised.  “Especially if everyone in her family is an ancient history buff.”

          “What’s that got to—”

          “Look, she knows a little something about torture.”

          “Ah,” Marc commented, thoroughly confused and only pretending to understand.  “You two look like you’re busy, I’ll leave you to it.”

          He quietly took his seat at the back of the room, leaving the two to sort out their issues in peace.

           All things considered, life was pretty good.

          So why was Marc still feeling so anxious?

          Nathaniel crept in through the door with his head down, answering the question.

           “Nathaniel,” Juleka said.  “Unlock me.  I need to go use the bathroom.”

           “Sure thing.”  Nath approached her, holding something else up.  “Brought your headphones, too, you left them in class.”

           “It won’t work.  She’s stuck in my head.”

Rose cast a saddened, dramatic gaze towards the writer in the back. “Pray you don’t become like us, Marc.”

           Marc blushed.  Of course Rose figured it out.  She probably told Juleka, too.

           Yet another thing to watch out for.

           ‘Wait, so is Nathaniel straight or not?’

           Nathaniel joined him at their usual table once Juleka had been freed.  “Hey.”

           “You know,” Marc bet, “one has to wonder if that’s some sort of metaphor for something.”

           The artist burst out laughing, but quickly shut himself up when he realized he was making noise.  “Yeah,” he confessed.  “Probably. But they’re good for each other. Rose helps Juleka’s self-esteem, Juleka keeps Rose grounded.”

           “Yeah.  They really are kinda fun to write.  Speaking of…”

           “Right!  Back to work.”

           “If we end off our comic there, Rose is never going to forgive us.”

           “I know,” expressed Nathaniel, glancing over at the person in question.  She was the only other student who hadn’t gone home yet.  Volume up high in her earbuds, she wasn’t even looking at them. “But this story is way too interesting for one issue.  With a cliffhanger like that, she’ll keep breathing down our necks to make more.”  He blushed, realizing he had gotten ahead of himself.  “I mean, if you’re okay with… I’ve really liked working with you and I want to—”

           “Yes!” Marc blurted with a blush of his own.  “I mean, um, yes.  I would… I would love to keep working with you.”

           “Okay.”  He turned his attention back to the work.  “So, if we end the issue with Princess Fragrance’s reveal, then that’s going to take a full-page panel.”  He drew a border inside another blank page.  “Right, so we’ve got that planned out.  Now to just get cracking on those last few pages.”  He surveyed the pages of blank boxes in front of him, each with a little note of what went in each.  “And we know what has to be said at each bit, so if you want to edit specific dialogue, now’s the time to do that.”

           “Cool.  I’ll get on top of that.”

           Marc’s brain suddenly took a dive, and he hastily tried to delete the previous sentence from his brain.

           Each of them had the plans for everything, so they didn’t see a reason to talk much, a silence Marc respected even if he himself wasn’t comfortable with it.  If it made Nathaniel more comfortable, he could swing that.

           His brain needed to stop it immediately with the double-entendres.

           The two of them worked for another few minutes, with only the sound of their pens scratching their paper.

           Nathan, surprisingly, was the one who broke the silence.  “So… last night you were a girl.”

           Marc exhaled nervously.  He wasn’t wrong, but it still felt weird to acknowledge the elephant in the room.  “Uh, yeah.”

           “Earlier yesterday you were a boy.”

           “Yep.”

           “So…”  Nath bit his lip, which Marc had to avert his gaze from.  “I don’t want to just assume, in case I get it wrong.  What are you now?”

           Marc had been stewing this over while he worked. Truth be told, he found he didn’t actually care as much today.  He knew he wasn’t a boy, and he wasn’t a girl, but… he wasn’t really much of anything else either.

           “I don’t think I’m anything right now.”

           “Really?”

          “Nothing, right now.”  He shrugged.  “I’m just… nothing.”

          “How does that work?”

          “Search me.”  He shrugged once again.  “I don’t have much of a gender today, I guess.”

          “So…” Nathaniel paused.  “It’s like there’s no… asterisks.”

          “Asterisks?”

          Nath winced.  “Sorry. I was trying to be poetic, y’know, like you?  You have this great, flowing… your words are just, they click.  Does that make sense?  It probably doesn’t make sense, forget I said anything.”

          Marc smiled at the compliment, going back to his journal.  “They’re just words.”

          “They’re not, though, alright?” he declared.  “They’re not just words, they’re you! The way you get words to line up, only you can do it that way.  You’re so… smart, and creative, and… your writing style is just great.”

          “Th-thanks.”

          “I mean that.”  Nathan looked away, holding his arm sheepishly.  “You’re great, you’re really…”  He shut his eyes.  “Forget it.”

           Marc blinked.  “What was that?”

           “Never mind.  Where you at?  Panel 9-g, the security guard is revealed to be possessed, Ghostlight comes out, and we need a good, punchy line to start the fight with.”

           “No…”  Marc closed his journal.  “This can wait.  What were you going to say?”

           “Nothing important.”

           “I doubt that.”  He reached over the table and took his hand.  “Nath, whatever it is, it’s important.  You want to say it, say it.”

           Nathaniel blushed.  His mouth opened and closed, flopping like a fish, and he started to sweat.

           Marc looked down and realized oh wait, he was actually holding Nath’s hand.  He instantly let go, which seemed to shock Nath back into coherency.

           “I can’t,” he told him.

           “You can’t?”

           “No,” he restated.  “I’ll just mess it up, just forget it.”

           “I’ll listen.”  This gave the author pause.  “I’ve been keeping up with you for the last week.  I’ll understand what you’re trying to say.”

           His face had determination etched into it. He opened his mouth and began.

           “Oh!” Rose said suddenly, breaking his momentum. “Look at the time, I have to… go make an excuse.”  She scooched off of her seat and sashayed out the door.  “I’ll leave you two alone,” she called back, leaving the door ajar.

           Both collaborators stared after her.  The art teacher glanced in her direction, then he, too, left the room.

Nathaniel and Marc were alone.  Nathan, only a little deterred, summoned back what little courage he had left.

“You…”  He stopped. “You’re my friend, right Marc?”

           “Yeah,” was the immediate, nodding answer.  “I hope so, anyway.”

           “And… I’m your friend, right?”

           “Of course.”

           “You… you’re so much of a better person than I am.” The boy gulped.  “No matter… who you are.  And today, it’s like… I’m so glad I get to see you happy.”

          “Uh…”  Marc nodded again in appreciation. “Thanks.”

          “I mean, look at you, you’re happier, even if you’re still the same person who’s come in to help me with this stupid thing—”

          “Nathan, it’s not stupid—”

          “It is, though, and sometimes it feels like we’re the only people here who care about it.  Only now you’ve changed, and you’re so much more relaxed now, and… And it’s good for you, right?  You get to be so much more confident.  Like just now, when you said you had no gender, you said it and you were sure.”

          “I’m still not really sure.”

          “You sounded sure, and that’s better than I can do.  With pretty much anything.  I’m not strong or witty, but you are. There’s just so many little things, here and there, and I can’t concentrate right.  There’s just so many things about—”

          The sudden halt from the speed at which Nathaniel had been talking gave Marc whiplash.

          Marc looked at him, expecting him to finish what he was saying.

          “I can’t…” he mumbled.   “Just… that’s it, then.  I don’t know how I was going to end that.”

          “You feeling okay, Nathan?” queried Marc.  “I don’t think I’ve heard you talk so much in one go.”

          “It’s…nothing.”  Nath took a deep breath.  “I’ve been trying to… think of things I wanted to say—”  He got out of his seat, turning away.  “Never mind, it’s stupid.”

          “No,” Marc stated, standing up behind him.  “You’re not.  If you need to say something, just say it.”

          “I think—”

          “Go on.”

          “I think you’re—” Nathaniel swallowed his tongue and hunched over, covering his mouth.

          “Nath!”  Marc rushed to his aid.  “Breathe slowly, okay?  Are you alright?  You look like you’re going to puke.”

          “I didn’t say anything, just…”  Nath’s voice broke.  “Please, just drop it, I don’t wanna…”

          Marc couldn’t believe it.  Nathaniel, whose creativity knew no bounds, was censoring himself.

          That could not happen.

          And Marc needed to know.

          “What if I don’t want to drop it?”

           “Marc, please…”

           “What if I don’t want you to be afraid to talk to me? What would you say if you could talk to me?”  He looked into his icy-blue eyes, piercing through with his warmth.  “What if you were about to say what I thought you were going to say?  What if it’s that important that I hear how that sentence was going to end?”  He snatched Nath’s hands from where they had covered his mouth and cradled them in his own. “And what if, by some miracle, I cared about how you felt and what you thought?”

           Nath stared back at him, and both of them reeled from the shock of Marc’s outburst.

           Then Nathaniel slowly started shaking his head.

           “Don’t do this… don’t do that to me,” he murmured. “Stop doing that, you’re going to just regret it.”

           Marc tightened his grip.  “Just say what you wanted to.  Stop putting up all these filters in your head.”  He grasped at something.  “Do the thing about the asterisks.  What did you mean by that?”

          Nath took a deep breath and tried.  “Well… right now, you’re… no gender.  No asterisks.  No added stress.  You’re just… Marc.  Pure Marc.” He scowled.  “I mean… that’s not good, is it, that’s not clever.  Cause you’re not just genderless, are you?”  He wrenched his hands from Marc’s ironclad grip. “Look, you could be a girl and I’d… you’d still be you.  Same for if you end up a boy.  You just get to be you.  And… I like it when you’re you.”  He stopped, looking to Marc for criticism.

           After a moment, Marc smiled warmly.  “That was pretty poetic.”

           “Y-you do it so much better than me.”

           They both smiled.

           “C-can I—” Nath gulped, shutting himself down.

           “What?”

           “N-nothing.”  He shook where he stood.  “Forget it.”

           “No chance.”  Marc wasn’t sure where this courage was coming from, but he didn’t shake it away.  “You don’t have to filter yourself.  I won’t judge anything you say from here on out, you hear me?  It’s the least I can do for what you and Alix have done for me.”

           Nathaniel drew closer suddenly, his hand touched Marc’s cheek, and their lips barely touched.  For a single half-second, their lips brushed against one another, and then Nathan drew back like Marc was a burning stove.

           Both creators were left in a state of shock.

           “Oh… my… God.”  Marc gaped.  “You…”

           “Cute,” Nathaniel muttered.  “I was gonna say cute.  Before.”  He looked down.  “I’m… sorry, I’ll just…”  He made his way to his bag, tripped on a chair, and started to bolt for the door.

           Seeing Nathan start to panic and run away triggered something in him.  He suddenly found a good reason to raise his voice.

           Nathaniel had given him strength.  Now he had to return the favor.

           “Hey, get back here!” Marc called out, and the artist stopped. “I’ve had a crush on you for over a full month now.  You get a do-over.”  Marc surged forward, turned him back around, and kissed him again, this time much more solidly.

           A few seconds passed and they separated.  “You have a crush on me?” Nath said, confused.

           Marc laughed a little at his expense.  “There were times, even just this week, where something you did just completely killed me, stone dead.”

           Nath blinked.  “Do you want to go out sometime?”

          “You see, this is what I’m talking about.”  He pulled him close and hugged him tightly.  “Son of a gun, yes, but don’t give me heart attacks like that.”

          Nath’s arms awkwardly returned the embrace.  “I, uh… I’ve never had a… an actual date before. What’s the, uhm… protocol, here?”

           “Are you serious?”

           “Half-serious.”

           “Well don’t worry.  It’ll be a learning experience for the both of us.”

           We have always belonged together!

           Nathaniel tore away from the embrace, turning sharply towards the door.  “Rose, what the hell!?”

           The little pink devil held the phone up high, volume turned all the way up.  We will always belong together!  Just keep moving on!

           “Sorry,” Rose giggled.  “My hand slipped.”

           The collaborators looked at each other.  Nodding a silent agreement, they chased after Rose together.

Okay.  I don’t have much else to say right now, so... *shuffles away*.

[elliot-orion]

Writeblr Re-Intro

I’ve seen quite a few people do this in the past couple weeks so i figure i probably should too considering how stinking long its been. so. hi there! I’m Elliot, and I use they/them pronouns! I’m a college kid majoring in creative writing and anthropology and regret doing both. I have a 9 year old emotional support cat, Van Gogh, who enjoys snoring, getting fur in my mouth, and chewing on my headphones. In addition to writing, I crochet amigurumis, play flight rising, bake like mad, obsess over dragons and stuffed animals, and spend way too much time thinking about superheroes. 

I mostly write LGBT+ Young Adult/New Adult fiction, and recently published my first novel, “Sparks Fly.” You can see a tumblr summary of it here. “Sparks Fly” and the majority of my stories take place in the expansive Dark Heart Universe full of not so heroic Super Heroes and Super Villains with questionable but not necessarily bad morals. But I like to dabble all over and have WIPs including a horror duology, a scifi roadtrip story, and about 800 other WIPs that are going nowhere because I’m a pantser and that’s how i roll. Expect to see me name drop some characters or a story, tag it in one ask game, and then never mention it again rather frequently. I apologize in advance. The main stories you will actually see me mentioning a bunch are below the cut. 

I technically have a website, and I technically have a twitter, but the former is a mess because I can’t program or remember to regularly blog and the latter i never use because social media scares me. Think there’s like 10 tweets on it and all of them are niche shitposts about my stories so... yea. I do have a Pinterest though, where you can find boards for most of my stories as well as a few of the name dropped once stories. so that’s fun. This intro is a mess.... Anyways, below the cut are some quick summaries of my main WIPs. If you want to learn more about the world that half of these are a part of (the DHU), look through this tag because my only summary series of it is way out of date. 

Woodsmoke

A DHU novel. Woodsmoke is a Hero who 100% should not be going to the worst Villain in town, Stardust, for help, but fuck it he doesnt have any other option. In return for helping Woodsmoke save a whole bunch of school kids, Stardust demands Woodsmoke owes him a favor - he has to help Stardust and his gang get rid of the Director of the city’s Supers Association branch. The only probably is, the Director control everything, and Woodsmoke is utterly terrified of him. But, he owes a favor, and he’s even more afraid of what Stardust could do to civilians than he is of what the Director could do to him. When it all goes wrong, maybe its time for him to give up being a Hero and stop being Woodsmoke. Maybe it’s time to just be Vincent again, and finally heal from the damage the SA has done. This is on its fourth draft and still needs about 2 or so more (guessing here), but will hopefully be the next DHU book released (dont quote me on that im winging this)

Nightmare at the Lily Pad Inn 

A DHU novel. Ben, who’s technically a Villain but really just can’t control their powers for shit and their powers are like, really scary so its bad, is on the run from their sociopathic asshole brother. They wind up at the Lily Pad Inn, a safe haven for Villains no matter what they’ve done, run by the cinnamon roll sweetheart Matty and their husband, Blue. While there, Ben meets Oliver, another not-technically-bad Super who can’t control his powers, and meets up with Morty, their best friend. Shit happens i guess idk i’ve not written a real summary for this one yet leave me alone. It’s on the first draft and its not even finished and i have no idea what the ending is because im a pantser go away.

Novella Collection

A DHU collection i guess. I’m not quite sure what else to call this because it’s made of three or so different novellas that I intend to fit together into a collection of novellas. The three novellas includes: the Empath, about Charlie who may just be the worlds most powerful empath and his partners who are very not happy with their area’s Director wanting Charlie to do something that could 100% kill him; Hell in High Heels, a historical DHU story about the Terra (Kitty), the Earth Elemental of the time, and Fer-De-Lance (Hattie), the Poison Elemental, and how they get married sorta unwillingly (thanks SA), break a shit ton of stereotypes, and help win World War 2.; and finally Wildfire, about the current day Fire Elemental and the Villain he really shouldn’t be so attracted to but 100% is and them chilling and being gay and idk this one needs a lot of work. All of these novellas have only had 1 draft and are still needing a lot of work. 

And now for some not dhu stories... 

The Other Beings / The Doll Maker

This is that horror duology I mentioned earlier. The Other Beings follow Nathan. He got sucked into the terrifying world of the Other Beings (well, 5 worlds actually),  when he was 7 years old because of a brother he’s never quite forgiven for making him and his pseudo-sister Hazel hunt minor Beings for his whole childhood and fucking Nate up massively. He managed to leave the horror of the Other Beings for all of seven years before he was sucked back in by the Doll Maker, an Other Being with a penchant for turning pretty children and people into ball-jointed dolls. Turns out a horde of Other Beings is coming after him because of his dad which is a Bad and now he’s having to run as a human macguffin and trust me - he’s not happy about it. Only the Other Beings draft 1 has been written because it’s a dark story and with covid i have not have the mental energy to work on it more, but it’s super fun and i adore it. The Doll Maker, the second book, is solely about Doll Maker and his shit. 

Paper Stars 

Paper Stars is the scifi I mentioned, and just might be one of my favorite things I’ve ever written, even though its only had one draft because it’s hella depressing (literally, the mc River is seriously suicidal) and with all the shit in my life rn i haven’t had the strength to work on it more. but i adore the story. Basically, River’s life has gone to hell since his Grandpa died and the only thing making him hold on is really his alien best friend, Keio. When his depression gets even worse, he finally asks Keio to take him away from Earth and to space to escape his problems. This works, kinda, i mean he falls in love and shit (yes River falls in love with a seal furry alien, please go through the tag its great), but eventually he knows he has to face his problems and get help because this is a realistic story about depression and love doesnt cure all and you cant run from mental illness. It’s great. 

That’s kinda all the main stories i mention a lot, all the others are little things i start and stop or that i write a self indulgent first draft but never intend to take it any further. all of these i fully intend to publish one day tho. So... yea. Welcome to my blog, its chaos but we have a good time. 

[towardsheavenandhell]

Rating my family members for how I think they would react if I came out to them :) (I am doing this to cope ignore this or don’t idc) 

Twin brother: I am out to him and he was one of the first people I came out to. He is trans and gay, I am nonbinary and pansexual, we are both queer of course we support each other 10/10 but actually 9/10 I’m docking a point for a comment he made once 

Younger sister: I actually already am out to her, too. Accepts my sexuality just fine but makes it very clear she doesn’t understand or really respect genderqueer people who are anything other than just trans and use pronouns other than she/her and he/him. Sometimes insults genderqueer people to my face, once told me to stop using ze/zir and only use they/them because they/them is easier to use and understand, then later insulted people who use they/them right in front of me. Also makes comments and jokes in front of our grandparents that almost outs Nathan and me 3/10

Younger brother: I’m not sure he’d fully understand but I think he’d be supportive. I’m out to him that I’m pansexual and he accepts that completely but he constantly keeps forgetting and acts surprised almost every time I say it. I think he’d mess up my pronouns at first but try very hard to get them right 7/10 

Mom: I’ve been out to her that I’m pansexual for years and she reacted very well but then I found out after about three years that she thought I was faking it and lying, which made me much more scared to come out as nb to her. I genuinely have absolutely no idea how she’d react to me being nb as she seems to support them but also slips up sometimes and things are always different when it’s your own child so 6/10 

Dad: ?????I’m not even sure this man knows I’m pansexual????? I never actually came out to him I’ve always just assumed my mom told him???? I’ve never heard him make a comment about trans or genderqueer people ever????? I’m more scared of him than my mom so ?/10 I genuinely have no idea this man is a fucking mystery?????

Grandparents: Homophobic, transphobic, racist, xenophobic, Trump supporting conservatives I’m not even out to them about being pansexual -100/10 I think I would just be disowned

[friend-clarity]

Teaching assistant Shepherd was accused of creating a ‘toxic climate’ at the university by screening a televised debate discussing gender-neutral pronouns

Here’s the full recording of Wilfrid Laurier reprimanding Lindsay Shepherd for showing a Jordan Peterson video

Tristin Hopper

November 20, 2017

8:09 PM EST

During a seminar with first-year communications students, Wilfrid Laurier University teaching assistant Lindsay Shepherd screened a TVOntario debate to illustrate the sometimes-controversial politics of grammar.

The video, an episode of The Agenda with Steve Paikin, included University of Toronto professor Jordan Peterson presenting his case against the use of non-gendered pronouns. It also included panellists taking the opposite viewpoint.

Nevertheless, after an anonymous student complained, Shepherd found herself reprimanded for violating the school’s Gendered and Sexual Violence policy. In a subsequent meeting with university officials, she was accused of creating a “toxic” and “problematic” environment that constituted violence against transgendered students. She was also falsely told that she had broken the law.

Shepherd recorded the meeting. Audio and selected transcripts are below. The voices are of Shepherd, her supervising professor Nathan Rambukkana, another professor, Herbert Pimlott, as well as Adria Joel, manager of Gendered Violence Prevention and Support at the school.

00:00:56 “So you weren’t, like, one of Jordan Peterson’s students?”

Shepherd: Obviously this person (the complainant) who had an issue did not express it to me, they just went straight to whoever, I don’t know what really happened.

Rambukkana: Just for some additional context so, you came from U of T is that right?

Shepherd: No, SFU.

Rambukkana: From SFU, okay. So you weren’t, like, one of Jordan Peterson’s students?

The meeting had just begun when Shepherd received this oblique accusation that she might be a protégé or supporter of Peterson’s. Later in the meeting, Pimlott will expound on how people like Peterson live in a fantasy world of false conspiracies. However, it should be noted that upon encountering a teaching assistant who had mentioned an unpopular idea, one of Laurier’s first assumptions was that she was somehow an agent of those ideas. Several times during the meeting, Shepherd will reiterate that her beliefs about gender had no bearing on her decision to screen the video. “I disagree with Jordan Peterson, but you people seem to think I’m pro-Jordan Peterson,” she says at one point.

00:03:10 “These arguments are counter to the Canadian Human Rights Code”

Rambukkana: …[Peterson] lectures about critiquing feminism, critiquing trans rights —

Shepherd: I’m familiar. I follow him. But can you shield people from those ideas? Am I supposed to comfort them and make sure that they are insulated away from this? Like, is that what the point of this is? Because to me, that is so against what a university is about. So against it. I was not taking sides. I was presenting both arguments.

Rambukkana: So the thing about this is, if you’re presenting something like this, you have to think about the kind of teaching climate that you’re creating. And this is actually, these arguments are counter to the Canadian Human Rights Code. Even since … C-16, ever since this passed, it is discriminatory to be targeting someone due to their gender identity or gender expression.

By C-16, Rambukkana is referring to a recently passed federal bill that prohibits discrimination based on gender identity or expression. His read of it is dead wrong; it’s obviously not a violation of C-16 to screen a TVOntario program at a university. For one thing, the bill only applies to federally-regulated industries, which does not include universities. Even if it did, legal experts contacted by the National Post were extremely dubious that Shepherd’s actions constituted anything remotely resembling discrimination.

00:04:22 “It has created a toxic climate for some of the students”

Shepherd: Like I said, it was in the spirit of debate.

Rambukkana: Okay, “in the spirit of the debate” is slightly different than ‘this is a problematic idea that we might want to unpack.’

Shepherd: But that’s taking sides.

Rambukkana: Yes.

Shepherd: It’s taking sides for me to be like “oh, look at this guy, like everything that comes out of his mouth is B.S. but we’re going to watch anyway.”

Rambukkana: I understand the position that you’re coming from and your positionality, but the reality is that it has created a toxic climate for some of the students, you know, it’s great —

Shepherd: How many? Who? How many? One?

Rambukkana: May I speak?

Shepherd: I have no concept of how many people complained, what their complaint was, you haven’t shown me the complaint.

Rambukkana: I understand that this is upsetting, but also confidentiality matters.

Shepherd: The number of people is confidential?

Rambukkana: Yes.

According to Shepherd, the seminar actually went pretty well; students considered the video, and soon got to discussing the use of gender neutral terms such as “they” instead of “him” or “her.” As Shepherd explained at the opening of her meeting with supervising professors, “there were people of all opinions.” Whoever took offence, she noted, did not approach her directly or even raise their concerns in class before filing a gendered violence complaint with university officials.

00:05:58 “… creates an unsafe learning environment for students.”

Rambukkana: Do you see how this is something that is not intellectually neutral, that is kind of “up for debate,” I mean this is the Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

Shepherd: But it is up for debate.

Rambukkana: You’re perfectly welcome to your own opinion, but when you’re bringing it into the context of the classroom that can become problematic, and that can become something that is, that creates an unsafe learning environment for students.

Shepherd: But when they leave the university they’re going to be exposed to these ideas, so I don’t see how I’m doing a disservice to the class by exposing them to ideas that are really out there. And I’m sorry I’m crying, I’m stressed out because this to me is so wrong, so wrong.

Joel: Can I mention the … Gendered and Sexual Violence Policy?

Once again, Rambukkana accuses Shepherd of breaking the law. But as with C-16, there is nothing in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms that prohibits what Shepherd did. The Charter says the exact opposite, in fact; one of the document’s four “fundamental freedoms” is the “freedom of thought, belief, opinion and expression.” If someone ever launched a legal case against Shepherd for this, the Charter would be the document most likely to protect her from prosecution.

00:07:28 All perspectives are not valid.

Shepherd: What I have a problem with is, I didn’t target anybody. Who did I target?

Joel: Trans folks.

Shepherd: By telling them ideas that are really out there? Telling them that? By telling them? Really?

Rambukkana: It’s not just telling them. In legitimizing this as a valid perspective—

Shepherd: In a university all perspectives are valid.

Rambukkana: That’s not necessarily true, Lindsay.

The tug-of-war between Shepherd and her supervising professor basically boiled down to single point. Shepherd argued the case that ideas, however controversial, deserve mention in the classroom. Rambukkana, however, held fast to the notion that some ideas are “problematic” and cannot be raised without being clearly labeled as such. In this, arguing against gender-neutral pronouns was compared to banning women’s suffrage or claiming that cigarettes are harmless. Using a rhetorical tactic typically more at home on Reddit forums, Rambukkana and Pimlott would also thrice use the example of Nazi Germany. “This is like neutrally playing a speech by Hitler,” Rambukkana said at one point.

00:17:19 “The Nazis actually used … issues around the free speech idea.”

Pimlott: I would find it problematic if my tutorial leaders were representing positions that didn’t have any substantial academic credibility to that evidence.

Shepherd: But he’s still a public figure … this was on a TV show. He’s still a public figure.

Pimlott: He’s a public figure, and a lot of people there like (American white supremacist) Richard Spencer of, I don’t like calling them alt-right, it gives them too much legitimacy, but Richard Spencer, right? The Nazis actually used, this is a historic—issues around the free speech idea in the 1920s in Weimar Germany as an issue around which which is what they’re using now. We know that someone like Richard Spencer is using theories and ideas that don’t have any academic credibility. He’s a public figure. But in terms of, if we introduce someone, we give them greater credibility in a certain condition. I agree that there are public figures out there that bring people, uh, bring hatred, target groups and if you look at statistically the degree of suicide attempts of trans people, young people, it’s the highest of any group in society. And, you know, it’s, you go through — Indigenous people — and so on. There are things that don’t have academic credibility and I just don’t think—I personally think I have some problems, I have no problems with the fact that these things are out there and people are going to engage them but we have to think of the atmosphere that we also create for the learning process.

It’s worth reiterating that this whole debacle happened within Wilfrid Laurier University’s communications department. The program’s whole job is to teach students how to legibly convey ideas. Despite this, the rambling semi-coherent answer above is quite typical of the other 43 minutes of the recording. Pimlott’s mention of “academic credibility” is notable. It’s not like the group is discussing an issue like climate change or evolution, in which there’s a pretty clear scientific consensus on the truth. They’re discussing language, and Laurier appears to be telling Shepherd to ignore the language ideas of any “public figure” who doesn’t have appropriate academic credentials. Such a broad definition could presumably include anyone from William Shakespeare to J.K. Rowling.

00:22:06 Your neutrality is “kind of the problem”

Rambukkana: Do you understand how what happened was contrary to, sorry Adria, what was the policy?

Joel: Gendered and Sexual Violence.

Rambukkana: — Gendered and Sexual Violence Policy. Do you understand how —

Shepherd: Sorry, what did I violate in that policy.

Joel: Um, so, gender-based violence, transphobia, in that policy. Causing harm, um, to trans students by, uh, bringing their identity as invalid. Their pronouns as invalid — potentially invalid.

Shepherd: So I caused harm?

Joel: — which is, under the Ontario Human Rights Code a protected thing so something that Laurier holds as a value.

Shepherd: Ok, so by proxy me showing a YouTube video I’m transphobic and I caused harm and violence? So be it. I can’t do anything to control that.

Rambukkana: Ok, so that’s not something that you have an issue with? The fact that that happened? Are you sorry that it happened?

Shepherd: I know in my heart, and I expressed to the class, that I’m not transphobic and if any of them — again, I don’t know what they said — but I don’t think I gave away any kind of political position of mine. I remained very neutral, and uh—

Rambukkana: —that’s kind of the problem.

Unlike with C-16 and the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, it is much more believable that Shepherd actually did violate the schools’ Gendered and Sexual Violence Policy. The document is quite broad, and defines gendered violence as “an act or actions that reinforce gender inequalities resulting in physical, sexual, emotional, economic or mental harm.” The policy further stipulates that the“violence” can take the form of graffiti or text messages. Under these parameters, a YouTube video that made a student feel uncomfortable would seem to amply qualify.

00:25:16 Students don’t have the “critical toolkit” to understand these things

Rambukkana: These are very young students, and something of that nature is not appropriate to that age of student, because they don’t have …

Shepherd: 18?

Rambukkana: Yes.

Shepherd: They’re adults.

Rambukkana: Yes, but they’re very young adults. they don’t have the critical toolkit to be able to pick it apart yet. This is one of the things we’re teaching them, so this is why it becomes something that has to be done with a bit more care.

This is a theme that Pimlott takes up later in the recording; that Wilfrid Laurier University is bringing in young naïfs from a prejudice-filled society who aren’t yet ready to handle complex ideas without proper training. He said it takes a while to properly challenge “the faith-based, family and other types of structures in society that they’ve been inculcated with for years.” The meeting concludes, by the way, with a note that Shepherd must now run her seminar notes past Rambukkana and obtain specific approval for any future media she intends to show. “I’ll ask you not to play any more Jordan Peterson videos, or anything of the like,” Rambukkana said.

• Twitter: TristinHopper | Email: thopper@nationalpost.com