#I also heard a theory that said Jesse could die

[luci-hemwin-evanson]

FUCKKKK

NO

NO

NO

NOOO

THIS A JOKE...

WHAT YOU MEAN HIMYF GOT CANCELLEDDDDD

[imherongraystairstrash]

Hi, whenever you have time can you write something about Thomas and Alastair please? Literally anything that isn’t angsty or sad. Fluffy/happy because after COI my heart needs to feel happy again. Thank you💞

Ohh, what a good request! I’ll confess that I was a bit nervous to write this because I didn’t know how I’d compete with COI! The first four bits of dialogue are references to a video Morgan Adams made with her friend, Trinity, because I literally watched that scene and thought “Thomastair” and I just loved it so much that I couldn’t not include it. Also, this is in modern language because I liked how it sounded better. Anyway, I hope this makes your heart feel happy!!

Characters: Alastair & Thomas (fluff)

...

“We’re experiencing life.” Thomas said, poking at the logs with a stick to get the fire to burn brighter. 

“This sucks.” Alastair said, his marshmallow drooping over the fire. 

“No, it’s called life.”

Alastair stared at the fire for a second before saying, “Life sucks.”

Thomas snorted and Alastair looked up and smiled softly, clearly proud that he made Thomas laugh.

Thomas got up from his crouch and sank down next to Alastair, stretching his feet out. Alastair considered his legs before saying, “how the hell did you grow so tall during your travel year? What did they feed you in Spain?”

“I didn’t grow that tall.”

“You were the size of an elf and now you’re taller than the Eiffel Tower.” Alastair said.

Thomas stared into his dark eyes for a moment and narrowed them. “Your marshmallow’s on fire.”

Alastair turned his gaze to said marshmallow. “Ah, an accurate representation of my life so far.” 

Thomas rolled his eyes fondly and reached to grab Alastair’s hand, who took it instantly. Thomas was focusing on how he was playing with the Lightwood ring when they heard the crack of a twig behind them. He and Alastair exchanged a quick glance.

“You don’t think it’s dangerous, do you?” Thomas whispered. “If not the sensor would have picked it up, right?” 

Alastair shrugged, looking in the direction of the sound. “It can’t be my sleep paralysis demon.” He whispered back, “I have to be lying in bed about to sleep for it to be that.”

“You sleep just fine when you’re with me.” Thomas pointed out.

“Exactly. The times I can sleep,” Alastair said, not looking away from the spot, “it’s because you’re there.”

Thomas stared at Alastair’s side profile, the fire casting shadows on the panes of his beautiful face. 

“Pay attention, Lightwood. We could be about to die.”

Thomas sighed. “At least I’d die with you. If we go down, then we go down together.”

“Listen here; I can make jokes about death, but when you do it, you make me sad, so stop.”

“What?” Thomas whispered intensely, “How come you can make me sad with jokes about death, but I can’t make you sad?”

“Are these the kinds of conversations you too have when you’re alone?” Matthew asked, coming out of the shadows.

“You bastard, why did you take so long to come out?” Thomas demanded

Matthew’s jaw dropped in surprise. “I let you take your sweet time. And for your information, I’m already ou—”

“He meant the woods, idiot.” Alastair said.

“Oh, right. Yeah, I was just being dramatic.”

“Lies! His shoelaces got stuck on a branch.” Lucie said. “I saw it.”

Matthew stuck his tongue out at her.

“Anyway, I came to report that we’ve heard no signs of the demon we’re looking for.” Lucie said, popping a marshmallow in her mouth. 

“Yes, we haven’t either.” Matthew said, “Though I came here to get away from Grace and Kit.” He shuddered. "They won’t stop gushing over Darwin’s theory of evolution or something. If I wanted to listen to science talk, I would have just stayed home and asked Father for flirting advice.” 

“Your camp is sad,” Lucie said to Matthew, taking another marshmallow. “Cordelia and I are trying to see who can fit the most grapes in their mouths. I was winning too, but James said to stop or we’d ‘choke and die’ or whatever. Anyway, I’m off to find Jesse.” Lucie said getting up to her feet and skipping away happily. 

“I’m going with her.”

“Let me guess, ‘to protect her’” Thomas said.

“Angel, no. I need her to protect me.” Matthew said. “You haven’t forgotten that she can command the dead, have you?” He didn’t wait for a reply, sprinting away to catch up to Lucie.

“I’m disappointed to say that that wasn’t intolerable.” Alastair said with a frown.

“It’s called getting used to it.” Thomas smiled at Alastair. 

They seemed to have a moment where they lost themselves in each other. Thomas looked into Alastair’s stunning dark eyes, his incredibly long lashes and caramel skin. He liked the way the same strand of silky black hair always seemed to fall across his forehead and into his eyes. And the way Alastair always reached up to push it back. This time, Thomas reached out first. Instead of pushing it back though, he brought it to the side so that his fingers grazed Alastair’s cheek. Alastair’s eyelids softened and he looked down briefly before looking back up at Thomas.

“I never meant to make you sad.” He whispered. 

Thomas shrugged. “As long as what you say about yourself are jokes. Besides, you can never make me sad, because I know you never mean to hurt me.” Thomas said with a smile.

Alastair looked at him, his eyes dancing. “I love you, Thomas.”

“I love you too.”

“You have horrible taste in—”

Thomas cut him off by pressing his lips into a kiss. Alastair’s lips were soft against his own. They kissed slowly and softly as fire crackled in front of them. Thomas felt that part of him was burning from the fire, but his entire being was burning for Alastair. 

Alastair hummed against his lips as Thomas ran his hands down his chest.

“Don’t insult my taste in men, because mine’s the best in the country.” Thomas mumbled into his lips.

Alastair smiled. “What did the world do to deserve you.” He didn’t mean it as a question; Alastair kissed him again before he could even register the words.

He ran his expert hands through Thomas’ hair. Thomas had seen those hands close around fighting spears and he’d seen those hands bandage his own when he burned them during patrol. He’d seen those hands play Chopin’s Nocturne, flying through across the keys to play the different notes. He’d also seen those hands play the songs Thomas had written, bringing life to Thomas’ innermost thoughts, bringing them into existence. Thomas’ songs either coaxed a smile out of Alastair, or brought tears to his eyes.

Now he felt those hands, tugging and caressing his hair. Both boys smiled as they kissed each other, perfectly content with being in the presence of the other. Perfectly content with, after all these years, finally kissing someone they loved and being kissed by someone who loved them. 

Thomas fought back a groan and pulled Alastair closer when the sensor next to them buzzed. 

They broke apart, instantly on their feet, weapons in hand.

“Let’s get this over with.” Thomas sighed.

“Yes, let this be revenge for interrupting us.”  

“That sounds like a good plan.”

Alastair was tightening his leather gauntlets when Thomas spoke.

“Alas?”

Alastair glanced at him in response.

“How about we don’t immediately tell the others we killed the demon?”

Alastair tilted his head to the side before understanding what Thomas meant and grinning fiendishly. “I like the way you think, Tom. Now let’s kill this demon so we can get back to what we were doing.”

Thomas blushed and nodded. As he ran into battle, Alastair beside him, he did so with a smile. 

...

Tagging: @tsccreatorsnet @atla-lok143 @hitheresomeoneusingthus @rinadragomir @youngreckless @autumnangel20 @julemmaes @cupcakesandkittens @no-scones-allowed @fictionally-fantastic @stxr-thxif @writeforjordelia @itsdaughterofthemoon @jordeliasupremacy @cordelia-cardale @will-effing-herondale @axoloteca @heronstairs2014 

*I’m soooo sorry for spamming you all with two fics in like, less than two hours, I swear I didn’t mean to!!

**If you want to be on my tag list, or if you changed your url recently and your not in the tag list anymore, let me know! Oh, an if you asked to be on the tag list and you’re not on it, please tell me (I’m very absentminded haha)

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

Friends (0)

June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[originalwinnercheesecake]

Grace and Jesse Spoliers

Cassandra Clare released us a very large sneak peek of COI “like almost a whole chapters worth” surrounding the TLH Blackthorns: Grace, Jesse, and Tatiana. Honestly tea spilling over these three and their dynamic is one of the things I am most excited for about Chain of Iron, (also I really like Lucie x Jesse. Jesse is rapidly moving up as a favorite character) and I am already readying a nice rent free apartment complex for them (at least for Jesse an Grace) in my mind. So I was very interested in the excerpt and a few things jumped out at me.

Grace

Grace was 7 when her parents died. I feel CC has changed that age before, like wasn’t it 10 at first? Then 8? But now she seems to have settled on making Grace 7.

Grace’s birth Parents did her first rune ceromoney with her before they died. HOW IN THE WORLD WAS A 7 YEAR OLD RUNED!?!?!? Shadowhunters get their first runes between 10 and 12 depending on how much training they have had. Getting them any younger has the potiental to cause serious harm. Was Grace once some total Prodigy who got her runes 3 years early because she was just that ready? FYI I am pretty sure I CC wrote an extra once where Jace says he got his around 9 and it still broke his arm. Or, where Grace’s biological parents bad parents too, and the runed her so young without caring about what it could do to her?

It was tragic to read about Grace’s first interactions with Tatiana. How she felt sympathy for how lonely she had been and wanted badly to love her, but eventually learned, through hystrics and abuse, that Tatiana had no intrest in anything except Grace’s loyalty. Brings me back to the Cartwright motto “Loyalty Binds”

I also find it intresting that one of the few things Grace remembers abotu her old life is that her family lived in a small house and weren’t considered that important. This lines up pretty well with Estella who was the child of a conman and a gypsy women, married only by common law. In Great Expectations Estella’s parents don’t die, they just get in some trouble with the law and lose her. Her father actually still loves her very much and wishes he could have raised her. Pip befriends Estella’s father, but is very reluctent to mention Estella to him as he belives she is better off with the more wealthy and socially higher up Miss. Havisham. I am seeing more posibility that the remaining Cartwrights could, like Estella’s father, still care about her and mayby, unlike Estella, she can be reunited with them.

I also am banking more on my theory that Tatiana once gave Grace her own “chain of Iron/Gracelet” and that is what is messing with her memories and compeling her to do her mothers biding. Like people have said Grace’s reasoings in the exert sound very similar to James’s whenever he thinks of Grace.

Jesse

Yeah I had called that he had to have been a great big brother based on hw much she cares about him. I also had theories that he had helped her gather flowers and read to her.

I did not theorize that he liked philosophy, or that he had taught her french. Jesse is very smartas well as a sweet heart.

Also we now have confirmation that Grace has training. The person who trained her was Jesse, after secretly training himself underneath Tatiana’s nose for many years. WOW.

That brings me to one more thing I noiced. Throughout the whole recount their is never anything to sugest Jesse is anything other than Healthy and Strong. The whole story is about Jesse taking care of Grace: Jesse playing with Grace, Jesse teaching her to fight, Jesse putting Grace to bed at night and reading to her in her room. There is no mention of Jesse having bouts of fever, or periods of time he feels weak. Grace never has to spend days sitting by his bedside. She never worries that training may over excert him. Was Jesse ever actually sick? We know Tatiana made up several false stories surrounding her familys life. Was her son’s poor health one of them?

IF so why did he die the night of his first rune ceromoney. I have heard theories that, because hse had the locket ready, Tatiana knew that he would die, and may have infact been responsible for his death That she sacrificed Jesse as part of some deal she had with Belial. I did not wnt to believe that Theory. I wanted to believe that she really did love Jesse to much to do something like that. That maybe with his supossed “ill health” she was afraid of losing him soon and had already been looking into ways to prolong his life, hence the aquirment of the lockate. But I do not know anymore. We know the story she told Magnuson how he died was a lie. If his health issues were too... What’s the truth?

Tatiana

You whitch women, what did you do to your children?

[danger-xylophones]

The Ice General (Captain Rex x reader)

mobile’s fucking with formatting, sorry.

The Ice General is a miniseries following the love story of our one and only Captain Rex and the elusive and confusing Jedi general Y/n L/n. Certain aspects of the character of the Ice General have been chosen by me, the author, as a way to keep my sanity intact. 

This is narrated primarily from Rex’s perspective but it will shift to yours now and again. 

Words: 2160 

Warnings: Mentions of injury but that is about it

{Masterlist}

Taglist: @tararuthven // @questforgalas

................................................................

Captain Rex once heard that clones take on the personalities of the Jedi they serve. Now, he wasn’t exactly sure that that was true but the clone captain did believe that certain traits previously dormant could be awakened or amplified if the general they served had similar traits. Case in point: Commander Cody. Rex had known Cody for a long time and as a result, was pretty familiar with the way his vod thought and acted. Cody had always been thoughtful and calculated with plenty of sarcasm and snippy remarks to spare but Rex noticed that his endless wit had seemed to expand upon serving under General Kenobi. The captain noticed it with Commander Wolffe as well though to a more subtle but still heartwarming extent as Wolffe had always been compassionate if a little closed off. His brothers’ changes often left the captain wondering what personality traits he had let show after serving with General Skywalker and Commander Tano. 

But, bearing all this in mind, that didn’t mean that Rex could always guess the personality of the general based on the personality of the commander. Such is the case with CC-4290, better known as Commander Fritz of the 205th battalion or the right-hand man of the infamous Ice General. 

The 501st was en route to a backwater planet named Elaroth, a dry and miserable mining world ripe for a droid factory if the Grand Army didn’t claim it first. And while the men of the 501st were buzzing with anticipation for meeting the almost legendary general of the 205th, Rex was a little nervous and his orders to keep chatter to a minimum did little to quell the enthusiasm in the air. The general of the 205th was an...interesting character, or so he had been told. In truth, Rex knew about as much about her as anyone of his brothers outside of the 205th-that is to say, he knew almost nothing. He knew that her name was Y/n L/n and that she was a human Jedi who studied under Ki-Adi Mundi for ten years before being knighted shortly before the war. He also knew that she was known for her eery calmness and the ability to see through bantha skrag faster than anyone Rex knew personally. And of course-her tactics. Strike hard, strike fast, and stay out of sight as much as possible-confusion and mystery were the friends of the 205th, how ironic that that would extend to their general as well.  

Rex was pulled from his quiet ponderings by the sound of loud, boisterous laughter emanating from next to him. Commander Fritz clad in his blacks and the bottom portion of his teal painted armor was nearly doubled over as he guffawed at some joke a shiny had made. His messy silver hair was in disarray (a constant; Rex was starting to think that it was just the way he styled it) and it had moved to the side to reveal a black tattoo that read ‘Freedom’ in Mando’a on the back of his neck. The captain of the 501st had noticed that most of the veterans of the 205th had the same tattoo but in different locations and it caused a certain unease to arise in his gut. All he could think of was the words of his brother Slick who had spoken about how the clones were just slaves with different titles: they had no freedom. The reminder of Slick only encouraged his wariness of the Ice general. Why would her men all have the same tattoo? Had they gotten it as a way to cope? Was she a monster in disguise?

No, she couldn’t be. Commander Fritz spoke of her with such rapport and admiration. But, admiration can be faked. Rex’s more cynical side countered. He could be court-martialed if someone found out he held any distaste for his general. But, maybe he truly adored her? He had to, especially if what he had seen earlier was a regular occurrence. 

When the 501st touched down, they weren’t expecting to immediately be caught up in a fire-fight (though with a man like Skywalker as their general, they were always itching for one) that had them racing to rendezvous with Y/n L/n and Commander Fritz where they were trapped in a ravine with a rock slide slowing their retreat and a droid battalion intent on wiping them out. One of the medics had informed Captain Rex that the Seppies had already gotten to the planet and had built a factory that was producing units faster than the 205th could cut them down. If they didn’t move quickly, they would all die. 

The 501st had made it (they were the best for a reason) and together the two battalions were able to push the droids back to a dried-up delta that afforded them the one thing the 205th needed to win; mobility. After that, it was only a matter of time before the droid factory was destroyed by a mixed force of 501st boys and 205th. Though, in the midst of it all, a tank had managed to take a shot at the Commander. It had launched him back and Rex couldn’t forget the way General L/n had sprinted away from Skywalker’s side to get to him. She hadn’t panicked, she hadn’t yelled for her felled commander, she just ran to him and took her spot over his body, deflecting blaster bolts, like it was routine till one of the field medics could get to the silver-haired ARC. Rex remembered how her jaw was set and how still her face was as her arms worked to swing her dual lightsabers. She had looked bored as she stood over the knocked out commander. 

And when Fritz had been dragged away, she surged to the front again as though her commander hadn’t been injured at all. It was perplexing. But Rex couldn’t erase the image of the Jedi standing over Fritz’s body, ready to protect it whether he was dead or alive. That was the evidence Rex held onto that contested his theory that Y/n L/n was one of those generals that didn’t care for her men. 

Commander Fritz had been alright, just knocked unconscious and a little banged up from the blast and now he sat next to Rex barking out loud peals of laughter and acting like he hadn’t broken two ribs. “Try-try telling that to Ice-I dare ya!” The silver-haired man choked out between chuckles, pointing a hand at the shiny that had spoken from across the fire they had made. Rex felt out of the loop as he glanced between the 205th-ers and his boys who were all sharing varying looks of amusement. What had the shiny said? 

“Try telling me what?” A cool, even voice cut through the laughter like a blaster bolt through a calm meadow. In his peripheral, Rex saw Jesse, Fives, Echo, and Kix stiffen up and snap their attention towards the sound. The men of the 205th, however, were far laxer in giving their general their attention (minus the shiny Fritz had been laughing at who had gone pale and stiff). Rex was struck with the realization that General L/n’s tone was no different than the tone she had used when explaining the best move Skywalker could make to help her over the comms. It was a little unnerving. 

Y/n L/n was unnerving. She stood beside slightly in front of Skywalker, perched on the edge of the firelight. The warm light kissed the apples of her cheeks but did not quite illuminate her face, leaving her appearance mostly to the imagination. She looked like the physical embodiment of a shadow, distant, amorphous, ambiguous. The only thing keying the men into the fact that she was a real person was the datapad held firmly in her left hand and the rim-lighting on the most dynamic parts of her face. Her eyes were sharp as she scanned over the men though the captain could not tell if she was disdainful of their conduct and lax postures. 

“I-uh…” The shiny began uncertainly, looking around to his brothers for help. The veterans were smirking down at the shiny, unwilling to aid him in his struggle while the other shinies looked ready to piss themselves. 

“Go on, Boom, tell the general what you were going to say when she got out of her meeting.” Fritz waved his hand to signal the shiny to continue while he sat back with a smug grin. Briefly, the commander’s elbow dug into Rex’s side as he whispered ‘watch this’ out of the corner of his mouth. 

Boom swallowed and carded a hand over his shaved head, unable to meet General L/n’s inquisitive gaze. “I...I was just…”

“Go on, Boom, I am eager to hear what has Fritz so amused.” Y/n encouraged in the same even tone though she had slightly cocked her head to the side. 

Boom muttered a string of curses in Mando’a under his breath before finally deciding that he wasn’t going to get out of this easily if at all. Still unable to meet the general’s eyes, he summoned whatever courage he had left to at least spare his dignity and spoke. “I was going to ask if you needed a seat, ‘cause I’ve got one right here for you.” And with that, Boom hesitantly patted his thigh. Tension started to descend over the gathered group of clones as Y/n mulled the pick-up line over that threatened to break as a result of Fritz’s barely contained giggles. 

Y/n stepped into the light and Rex swore he heard the shiny take a sharp intake of breath, apparently already resigned to his demise. Her face was stoic and entirely unreadable as she faced Boom and regarded him with a swift once over. “Earn some more nicks in your armor, shiny, then we’ll talk.” Fritz and the other veterans lost it. All doubled over in laughter and the softly spoken retort. One of them who sat closest to Boom clapped him on the shoulder, commending him for his moxie. Rex swore he saw Y/n’s lips quirk upward momentarily before she was turning to look at the boys of the 501st who all sat pensively, still more than a little unsure of her. 

Noticing the tension in them, she addressed Skywalker over her shoulder. “Skywalker, you didn’t tell me your men were so serious.” Was she teasing them? It was hard to tell. 

“Normally they’re not.” Anakin answered, slightly baffled as he walked around to plop down on Rex’s right. 

“I think you’re reputation proceeds you, Ice.” Fritz chimed in before anyone else could with a poorly hidden wince as he scooted away from Rex and gestured for Y/n to sit. 

“Careful with those ribs, commander, or Bolt’ll have my head-you weren’t supposed to leave the med tent.” Y/n scolded in her still unwavering tone as she looked down at the injured man. Fritz shrugged. 

“Eh, you’re the general, General, tell him to can it.” The commander simpered nonchalantly, leaning back on his hands. 

“Or, as your general, I could court-martial you for insubordination.” Rex stiffened up, would she really do that? 

“With all due respect, General, kriff you.” Fritz bit back with a grin a parsec wide. There was a horrified gasp from what Rex suspected was Echo and frantic muttering from some of the shinies. 

Y/n seemed unfazed though as she sat beside Fritz and began pouring over the datapad in her hands. “I mean, you could if you wanted to but I feel I should inform you that I prefer blonds.” 

“Damn, what are they up to now, Hyde?” A veteran whistled lowly, reaching around Kix to poke at his brother who was wedged between the medic and Jesse. 

“22 to 3, Ice’s winnin’.” The redhead answered back quickly. 

“They do this a lot?” Jesse gasped in disbelief, looking to Hyde as he dug a piece of flimsi out of his glove and used some ash to mark it before folding it away. 

“All the time. We didn’t start to keep track of who wins the sass-offs till recently though.” Hyde explained. 

“I find it relaxing and it makes sure I stay sharp.” General L/n chimed in once again, eyes fixed on Jesse. “I just realized I never asked your names.”

“Fives.” The man in question stated with a lopsided smile. “This is Echo, that’s Kix, and that’s Jesse.” He waved his hand around to each clone as he said their names. Y/n nodded and closed her eyes, muttering their names under her breath in a move Rex recognized as a way to memorize them. 

“It’s nice to meet all of you.” Suddenly, Y/n turned to Rex. “And it’s nice to see you when we’re not getting shot at, Captain Rex.” And Rex’s questions multiplied. 

Next ->

[lxcieherondale]

26 28 32 for the coi asks !!

thank you!!!

26. what plotline are you most excited to see in chain of thorns?

oooh, i think jesse's return to life and how he adjusts/how everyone reacts to him is going to be really interesting to see. i'm also really interested to see how grace's redemption arc plays out too!

28. what are some theories you have for chain of thorns?

so i think it's definitely going to start with cordelia and matthew in paris, especially as cassie said it will start a week later. some more general theories are that tatiana will die (there is no way she is making it this out alive), and i'm still thinking sona might die in childbirth and alastair will raise the child. i'll probably do more posts later on specific theories when i've had time to reread passages!

32. what do you think will happen with grace? how do you think the clave will react to her powers?

okay so with the ending of chain of iron in mind, james will not be around to help her with the clave. i think she'll still turn herself over to them because she has broken with tatiana, however i think it's very possible that with james not around, she may turn to christopher to help, seeing as she's the only other person we've seen her form any sort of connection with. this would also then give them a chance to develop their relationship (as friends, at least at first). i think the clave are likely to be firm against her but not cruel - charlotte isn't going to be pleased to know she made charles get engaged to her, but grace getting her powers removed and helping them against tatiana will probably save her from harsher punishment.

it also just occurred to me that grace could be the one to write 'i did not choose this life' on the scholomance wall, although i think i heard we may not see the resolution to that within chain of thorns? but if she is being kept there as a prison/waiting for her powers to be removed it would make a lot of sense for it to be her.

send me chain of iron asks

[bi-naesala]

Found you (chapter 1)

Bad Batch arc retelling (sort of) | Fives lives AU

Also on AO3

It’s still weird for Fives to be considered a war hero. Sure, he uncovered a deep conspiracy that would’ve resulted in the fall of the Republic, but going from “that di’kut Fives” to “hero of the Republic Fives” is a huge step.

What’s most weird is the amount of attention he’s getting now, and he means the positive kind of attention. That’s not even the weirdest part actually; what really bothers Fives is how tired he is of it already. It may be weird coming from Mr. Attention Whore himself, but that’s how he feels. He just doesn’t like the idea that he’s somehow more important that the rest of the vode.

 Maybe that’s why he’s relieved when action calls again.

The Chancellor might’ve been found guilty of being a Sith Lord and Dooku might’ve been apprehended, but there are still some Separatist cells fighting. There aren’t many left, but this doesn’t mean that they have to act less cautious.

Here’s the weird thing: for some reason, they seem to be fighting better now. Might be desperation, but their tactics have changed; they’re more efficient, almost as if they could predict what the Republic’s next step will be. This either means that there’s a spy in their ranks or, more likely, that they have found some source of intel.

 It’s Rex the one who approaches Fives first. They’ve been dancing around this theory for a while, but neither of them have had the courage to openly speak about it, at least until now. It’s far-fetched at best, but the evidence is there; besides, they’d both be lying if they said they don’t want it to be true - especially Fives.

“I think Echo’s alive.”

Here it is, what both of them have been thinking for a while. Rex’s voice is hesitant, and Fives can’t decide if it’s because he fears he won’t listen to him or - more likely - that he isn’t sure himself on how true this statement is.

“I think so too,” he quickly replies then, “You two have been working on most of these plans, and now somehow the Seppies can anticipate our moves. It can’t be a coincidence.” It would be too convenient.

It may sound unlikely, but let’s not forget who orchestrated all this. If the Supreme Chancellor himself can be guilty of being a Sith Lord, then it’s possible that what remains of the Separatists are using Echo for their strategies.

As Fives and Rex exchange a look, however, they understand what the most difficult part of this will be: making the others believe them.

 The first people to be informed are General Skywalker and Cody.

Skywalker is still recovering from the discovery of the Chancellor’s true nature - they were pretty close after all, and damn now that they know the whole story, isn’t that creepy? - but he listens to their thesis with an open mind, even if it’s clear he doesn’t entirely believe it. He knows about loss and he understands why they would want to believe that, but still…

“Sometimes people just die. No matter how much you want to, you can’t bring the dead back,” he begins, thinking about all the people he has failed to protect, and it’s exactly because he understands that he continues, “But if you think that it’s worth it, we can investigate.”

Relief surges through both the clones.

“Yessir!”

 Differently from Anakin, Cody goes full skeptic immediately.

“We can’t jeopardize everything just for this.”

Fives greets his teeth. How dares he speak like that about a brother? After all they’ve been fighting for he just wants to leave one of them behind?

“You can’t talk like that!” he begins, moving towards Cody with ill intent, something that Rex picks up, so he immediately grabs his arm to stop him before he does something he will regret.

“Fives, not now!”

Cody looks at them and he sighs. He understands, he truly does, but they still have to draw a line, or else this will blow up out of proportions.

“It’s not that I…” he begins defensively, but he stops himself. There’s no point in answering aggression with aggression; they’re all tired - even in its last stages the war is taking a toll on them - and doing so would help nobody. “I know it’s hard being the one who survives. It’s a burden that no regular folk can understand.” He looks at Fives. “But we can’t let this affect the wellbeing of who remains.”

At those words, Fives deflates a bit, even though it’s obvious in his eyes that he hasn’t accepted the situation yet, and honestly Cody can’t blame him. If anything happened to Rex or any of his batch mates - even Fox - he would find himself in a very similar state.

“Even if we try to do something about it, how many brothers will die for something that we’re not even sure about?”

His words are harsh, but they need to be. The sacrifice of more troopers is something they cannot afford.

 Silence falls between the three, each one lost in their own thoughts.

Unexpectedly, it’s Cody the one who breaks it. His mind works constantly, and he may have found an idea to solve this problem without losing too many lives. Besides, he simply is unable to say no to Rex.

“If you truly think that this is key to understand why the Separatists are on a winning streak, then I suppose we could send a small team to investigate it.”

“A small team?” Rex asks, careful in his enthusiasm. Cody may have given in but that doesn’t mean they’re done.

“Yes, a small team,” Cody replies, and it’s obvious that he has something in mind already, and when Rex asks him, he just smiles, “You’ll see. I need to make a call.”

  Clone Force 99. Nobody in Torrent Company has heard of this name.

“99, eh? Nice touch,” Rex comments, smiling sadly as he remembers his fallen vod. It’s nice seeing that someone has found a way to honor him. Fives is smiling too.

“Oh, I knew him well,” he begins, “He was the only one who believed in my cadet squad… I can’t believe it’s been so long already.” It feels like centuries have passed since 99’s death. He wonders what he would think about him; would he be proud? He’d say that he did his best, that he’s done so much good, but he still let so many vode die without being able to do anything about it. Maybe, however, he can at least save one of the people he thought he’d lost.

“Oh right, you were underdogs before coming here!” Jesse exclaims, recalling the few stories he and Echo told, “You never told us much about your Kamino days, vod.”

Fives chuckles, lightly shoving his brother - who has begun leaning closer to him - with one shoulder, colliding with Jesse’s ARC trooper armor - yeah, the di’kut really managed to get promoted.

“That’s because you were only looking for blackmail material!” he chuckles.

 The truth is that he and Echo have always been a bit jealous of their shared past. They didn’t do it with malice, but it was something that tied them to each other, something special that only them shared. Remembering all the early Domino squad shenanigans was always a special occurrence for them. Even after Echo’s death - but he’s not dead, Fives knows it - he never felt like sharing that part of his past; it didn’t feel right without his brother.

 “Getting back to the original topic,” Kix interrupts, “I’ve heard some things about this Clone Force 99.”

Trust Kix to do some digging before getting briefed on anything. That’s actually reassuring, at least they won’t walk in whatever Cody has planned blind.

“So?” Fives encouraged him, “What have you heard?”

“They have a 100% success rate, so they’ve got that going for them,” Kix begins, though he doesn’t look that happy about it as he should be.

“There’s a ‘but’ in here, isn’t it?”

“Well, the thing is… I haven’t found much except for that,” Kix reveals, “Even their existence is barely known!”

“Who’s their general?” Fives asks, curious and suspicious at the same time. He’s learned to be wary of secretive stuff; they usually never bode well.

“I don’t know,” Kix replies, “I don’t think they have one.”

Fives moves his gaze to Rex. What has Cody gotten them into this time? His Captain, on the other end, just shrugs.

“This means we’ll just have to find out information when we’ll meet them.”

“It doesn’t worry you that they seemingly work alone?” Jesse asks.

“They must have their reasons…” is what Rex replies with, making it clear that this is the end of the conversation, “You should get prepared, now. We’ll be departing shortly.”

“Sir yes sir!”

  They meet up with Cody shortly after that.

“So, Clone Force 99, eh?” Rex asks, making Cody smirk.

“I see you already did your homework,” he comments.

“Blame Kix.” That earns a chuckle from both of them, before Rex continues, “How come nobody knows nothing about them?”

“They’re defective clones with desirable mutations. They call themselves ‘The Bad Batch’.” Huh, that doesn’t exactly spark confidence, but if Cody trusts them, then they must be worth it.

 An aircraft lands - and Fives swears, the pilot must be worse the Skywalker because it’s a messy landing at best - and the main door opens.

There’s the sound of steps and four clones in full armor step outside to meet with them. They haven’t shown their faces yet but they already look different - it must be their demeanour. One of them is particularly huge - just what the hell did they feed him on Kamino?

Fives straightens his posture, watching in silence. So this is Clone Force 99.

  That’s official, Fives hates these dudes.

Well, not really, or at least, not all of them. Hunter seems cool and badass - not as much as their captain of course - Wrecker is a force of nature, Tech seems chill… Yeah, the only one he actually fully hates is Crosshair. He doesn’t like people who act like they’re better than everybody else, and Crosshair surely seems to believe that he is; besides, there’s so much venom in the way he calls them regs that doesn’t sit well with Fives at all.

A peek at Jesse and Kix makes it pretty evident that he isn’t the only perplexed one. Jesse shoots at him and annoyed glance, while Kix just shrugs, already resigned to the incoming headache that this mission will cause him. Fives tries to reassure them with a smile, even though he must not be doing a great job.

Oh come on! How bad can it be?

  Aaaand they lost the Marshal Commander already. Maybe Fives should’ve just shut his mouth.

At least Kix will stay with him until aid arrives, which also means that they’ve lost the medic already. They’ll have to be very careful.

 Still, did those other shebs really have to show off like that? They could’ve easily handled the droids coming at them without them having to try so hard to be cool!

Not that Fives doesn’t appreciate some help - if it keeps them alive a bit more, why shouldn’t he? - but he doesn’t want to give them more excuses to gloat, especially since their main target seems to be the captain, which is not ok.

What makes him more annoyed is that, deep down, he admires these dudes. They seem to have a plan for everything. He wonders how they would fair with General Skywalker and his “screw plans” policy. Who knows, maybe he’d manage to throw them off the loop.

At least he can admit that they’re competent, though he refuses to say it out loud. He doesn’t want to verbally harass them like Kix and Jesse are doing, but he also won’t do anything to defend them. They might be competent and all, but they’re still asshole.

 “You can’t talk to Captain Rex like that!”

Damn, Fives gets distracted for one second, one kriffing second, and hell breaks loose.  Of course, it’s Crosshair’s and his bitch mouth’s fault.

Jesse’s so close to hit him, but Wrecker’s on him in an instant, picking him up from the ground. Now, if it was just a simple discussion, Fives would’ve let it go - he would’ve bitched about it internally but he would’ve let it go. This, this is different; if that’s a fight what they want, they will have a fight.

He bolts up, followed by Kix, whose intentions seem more towards stopping the fight than to take part in it, but Fives is having none of this. Insults and mocking are one thing, touching a brother is another.

“Let him down!” he yells stepping towards Wrecker. He barely registers Kix beings pushed by Crosshair, and if he dares to try the same thing on him he swears, he’ll snap him like the twig he is.

He may not have their “desirable mutations” but he can still kick their asses if he wants to, and look what a coincidence, he really does right now.

 It takes Hunter to defuse the situation before it ends up in a scuffle. Damn, they’re acting like a bunch of shinies.

There’s still the mission to focus on, and Fives tries to keep his composure, ignoring the Bad Batch altogether.

As they prepare to leave he goes to check in on Kix, kneeled beside Cody. He’s applying some bacta on his wound.

“I don’t have much, but it’s better than nothing,” the medic mutters, clearly not happy about the situation. If they lose the kriffing Marshall Commander, it’ll be bad. At least help is on its way, so hopefully they won’t have to wait for too long; all Kix has to do is to make sure that he stays alive until they arrive.

“You sure you can hold up?” Fives asks.

“You’re the ones going into danger, not me.”

“Careful Kix, I might start thinking you’re jealous that we’re getting some action, unlike you.”

“Kriff off!” Kix goes to give Fives a light punch on his knee, but as the smile on his lips suggest, it’s a light-hearted gesture. It’s nice being able to tease each other like this again; there was too much tension before.

They both chuckle, but then Kix gets serious again.

“And tell Jesse not to do anything too stupid,” he warns Fives, who rolls his eyes at those words, even though he’s still smiling.

“Tell him yourself,” he replies, not because he won’t tell, but just because he wants to be a little shit.

“I already did, but knowing him he needs a reminder.”

“I’ll tell him you said that.”

“As if he doesn’t know already what I think of him,” Kix huffs, only to look at Fives as he adds, “Please, be careful.”

“We will, Kix, I promise. We didn’t come this close to ending the war just to die.”

 Fives takes a moment to himself to focus, but judging by the heavy steps coming towards him, he will be joined by Jesse soon. He was never good at stealth and ARC training sure didn’t help with that.

“You ready?” his brother asks once he’s in hearing range. Fives turns towards him.

“Yeah I am.” At first it seems the end of the conversation, then Fives remembers what Kix asked him to do, “Kix wants to remind you not to do anything too stupid. Weird that he said ‘too stupid’ and not just ‘stupid’, almost like he knew already that you’re going to do something dumb anyway.”

“Ah ah,” Jesse says, mocking a laugh, face completely unimpressed, “When did you become such a killjoy? Last time I checked you were all for crazy battle tactics.”

“It’s not that I don’t like them anymore, but…”

But he almost died. Sure, he’s risked his life countless times in this war, but this last time really did a number of him, and that’s only scratching the surface of what’s going on in Fives’ head. Now that he’s so close to see finally the results of not only his efforts, but the vode’s as well, he doesn’t want to kick the bucket; he doesn’t want to be just another casualty to add to the list.

There’s also Echo’s deal. If he’s truly alive and out there, Fives wants to find him. Someone will have to take care of him, and that someone is going to be him; he owes him that after leaving him for dead at the Citadel. He promised himself that he won’t die before reaching him, even at the cost of foregoing his usual battle tactics.

He should say something, trying to explain himself, but as Jesse gently rests a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it, he understands that he doesn’t need to. In the end he had revealed to him and Kix too about his and Rex’s theory about Echo; needless to say that they’ve been enthusiastic at the prospect of having their brother back.

“I know, vod. I was just teasing you,” Jesse says, “And I solemnly swear that I won’t commit any reckless act… At least unless the situation really calls for it.”

“I’ll hold you to it,” Fives smirks, “And now let’s show these shebs how Torrent does things.”

“Yessir!”

  It went better than expected. By diving their forces they’ve managed to distract the guards enough to infiltrate the command center. Hell, they even managed to get a getaway shuttle - Fives supposes that even Crosshair serves a purpose after all.

Still, Rex has been weirdly closed off since their departure, something that doesn’t sit well with Fives, who approaches him, wanting to know how his captain is fairing.

“Something wrong?”

“I heard his voice,” Rex says, turning to him, “Fives, I heard him back there. I asked who we were speaking to and I heard him.”

So this means…

“Echo’s alive. It’s all true.”

 It takes Fives a moment to process Rex’s words, and when he does he feels dizzy. So it’s all true; what was once just a mere hope has become the truth.

Echo’s alive and Rex managed to contact him. This means that he’s in Separatists’ hands. He can’t help but to wonder what they have done to him, if he’s fine, if he’s safe, even though he knows that this kind of pointless worry will only make things worse for him.

Still, now that he knows he’s truly alive, he’ll do everything he can to rescue him. He owes him that much.

“I suppose this means the mission is far from over, captain.”

Rex nods. “It only just begun.”

[prouvaireafterdark]

Temporary Wounds (2/3)

This is basically “Michael Guerin tries to be supportive and understanding: the chapter” of my angsty h/c fic about Michael watching Alex date someone else. Also got a healthy dose of Maria and Michael being the friends they should be in canon, if that floats your boat.

Part 1 can be read on tumblr here or on AO3 here.

This chapter’s also on AO3

***

They’ve been doing this hanging out thing for a while now. It started about a month ago when Alex showed up at his Airstream with a six pack and some burgers from the Crashdown as a peace offering.

(“Look, I’m tired of not asking for what I want and I want you in my life, Guerin.”

“How’s your boyfriend feel about that?” Michael asks, trying his best to keep the venom out of his voice.

Alex shrugs, “He trusts me. And he knows that you’re important to me. If you want me to go, I’ll go, but I’d like it if we could be friends.”

Friends. Michael doesn’t know whether he wants to laugh or cry. He’ll be in love with Alex until it kills him.

He gestures toward the empty seat across the fire all the same.)

It’s nice.

Every minute Michael’s around Alex and can’t touch him is painful, but still, it’s… nice. Certainly better than the alternative. Michael would rather have this than nothing.

And in some ways, they understand each other better than they ever have before, now that they’ve actually taken the time to talk and listen to each other.

It works, as long as they avoid certain topics of conversation, such as the giant blue-haired elephant in the room.

(“So, how are things between you and the wannabe emo frontman?”

“He has a name, Guerin,” Alex complains.

“Does he? Sorry, I’ve only got room in here for essential information these days,” he says, tapping his temple with his index finger. As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he knows he’s said the wrong thing.

“Look if you’re gonna be a dick, I’m just gonna go.” Alex moves to stand, but Michael panics and reaches for his arm to stop him.

“No, come on, please. Don’t go. I didn’t mean that,” Michael pleads. He can feel the warmth of Alex’s skin beneath his flannel where he’s gripping his forearm. Alex has stopped moving and is looking at him with an unreadable expression. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? Insulting my boyfriend or making me want to leave?” Alex asks, unconvinced.

Michael sighs and chooses his words carefully. “I’m not trying to be an asshole, I just want to make sure he’s treating you right. That’s all, I swear.���

“Really?” Alex asks, head tilted to the side. His anger has dissipated, confusion taking over. “You care about that?”

Now it’s Michael’s turn to be confused. “Of course I care, Alex,” he says. “You’re my—you’re my family, and if this guy isn’t treating you the way you deserve I want to know about it.” He’d also rather carve his own heart out than hear that Alex’s relationship is sunshine and daisies, but it’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make. In the face of Alex’s stunned silence he adds, “What, you don’t believe me?”

“Sorry, it’s just—“ Alex hesitates, his voice stilted and unsure. “I didn’t think you’d feel so… protective of me, given the circumstances.”

Michael scoffs at that, letting his hand drop from Alex’s arm. “I’ve always been protective of you, Alex. That ain’t new.”

“Yeah,” Alex responds, his voice echoing the sadness in his eyes as he no doubt remembers the way Michael threw himself in Jesse Manes’ path to protect him. The way Michael chose to leave his mother to die alone so Alex wouldn’t die too. “Yeah, I know.”)

Which is why, when Michael goes to the Crashdown to pick up some breakfast before heading over to Alex’s bunker to look through some files, he’s completely blindsided by Liz asking, the second he crosses the threshold into the diner,  “Do you know what’s going on with Alex and his boy toy right now?”

“Um, no?” Michael responds, standing awkwardly by the door in his confusion. He spots Maria sitting at the counter when she waves at him.

“Damn it,” she says, turning back to Maria. “There goes one theory.”

“Well, not necessarily,” Maria counters. Liz gives her a conceding nod.

“What’s going on?” he asks as he walks up to the counter.

Liz and Maria share a look before Maria answers, “We don’t know, but apparently they had a pretty explosive fight at Saturn’s Rings last night.”

“About what?” he asks.

“I mean, we can guess,” Liz says, giving him a look that puts him on the defensive.

“I have nothing to do with this,” Michael argues. He might hate the guy’s guts, but he’s not trying to sabotage his relationship with Alex.

“No one’s judging, Mikey, but… you two have been getting awfully close lately.”

“Yeah, and? Doesn’t mean we’re fucking.”

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t wish they were either, but he’s not about to let his friends think he’s a home wrecker, especially when he’s been trying really hard not to be.

“Whoa, no one’s saying you are,” Maria interjects. “Just that, you know, maybe there’s someone who thinks you are.”

“That’s bullshit,” he says, though he has to admit that there’s a small, possessive part of him that’s pleased at the idea of that blue-haired fuck feeling threatened by the connection he has with Alex. “Can I just order my food and be on my way? I’ve got things to do.”

When he orders his and Alex’s usual, Liz smirks at him before disappearing into the kitchen. Once she’s gone, Maria pats the bar stool next to her and he accepts her invitation. The seat creaks gently as he spins himself leisurely around on it, his brain processing too much for his body to keep still.

“What are you thinking?” asks Maria, watching him carefully.

Michael sighs. “That I should talk to him before jumping to any conclusions.”

“Huh. How very mature of you.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve learned my lesson,” he says. “Communication really is key,” he adds with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

“Alright then, how are you feeling?”

Relieved? Overjoyed? Hopeful? Nervous? The list goes on and none of it is going to mean a damn thing if this turns out to be bullshit.

He shakes his head, but Maria doesn’t stop looking at him.

“I mean, you’ve got to be feeling some type of way about it,” Maria continues. “Isn’t this what you want?”

“Don’t make me say it,” he begs finally, eyes on the counter. “If I say it, it’ll make it real and if it’s for nothing, I…” Michael swallows thickly, shoving down the hope that Alex and his boyfriend really have broken up.

He feels like shit just thinking it, but he can’t help it. He hates that guy and he hates how he gets to just be with Alex in the way he never could.

Maria’s hand comes up to rest on his back, rubbing gently over his denim jacket. “It’s okay,” she says, giving him a sympathetic smile.

“Is it?” he asks, finally turning to her, voicing his guilt. “He could be hurting right now and all I can think about is what this could mean for me. I mean, how fucked up is that?”

“It’s not fucked up, Michael. It’s human.” Michael scoffs at that, about to point out the obvious, but she stops him. “I know that you know that, no matter the circumstances, you want Alex to be happy. We all do. But it’s not wrong for you to want that happiness to be because of you, not some other guy. So just cut yourself some slack, okay? Your feelings are natural. They don’t make you a bad person.”

Michael lets her words sink in a little and tries to believe them.

“Besides,” Maria adds while he’s thinking, leaning in conspiratorially, “you’re not the only one who thinks that guy is kind of a tool.”

Maria gets a genuine smile out of him for that. Not for the first time, he thinks that maybe, in a world where he’d never met Alex Manes, they could have really been something.

He leans over and pulls Maria into a hug, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

“Thanks, DeLuca,” he says, trying to convey how much he appreciates her. Not many women in her position would be as gracious and kind, especially not to him.

“Just make sure you pay your tab next time you come to my bar and we’ll call it even,” she jokes as she pulls away, the heavy sentimentality of the moment making way for their usual brand of light banter.

“What about that sad cowboy discount?” he asks, cheeky smile on his face.

“That was a one time offer and you know it, Michael Guerin.”

Michael lets himself into the Project Shepard bunker twenty minutes later. He finds Alex looking through a manilla file at the table, wearing a leather jacket and a frown.

“Hey,” Michael says, walking down the steps toward him.

“Hey,” Alex replies, looking up with a bleary-eyed smile. As soon as he smells the coffee and egg sandwiches, he reaches toward Michael with both hands and says, “Oh, thank god.”

“You get any sleep last night?” Michael asks, handing it over. “Heard it was a bad one.”

Alex freezes with the coffee halfway to his lips.

“Heard about that, did you?” Alex asks, and then goes to take a sip.

“Word gets around,” he shrugs, sliding into the chair next to him. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Alex says. “Really, I’ll be fine,” he adds when Michael keeps staring.

He doesn’t sound that upset, so Michael says, “Okay. Good,” and lets it go. He starts pulling some files off the pile on the table so he can read while he eats.

“Not gonna ask me what happened?” Alex asks around another sip of coffee a few seconds later.

“Didn’t think you’d want to tell me,” Michael answers.

Michael thinks that’s the end of it until Alex breaks the silence a minute later.

“I broke up with him.”

Now it’s Michael’s turn to freeze. Alex watches him carefully over the lid of his coffee cup as he struggles to guard his facial expression. Smug satisfaction probably isn’t the best look to have right now.

Face carefully neutral, Michael asks, “How come? Thought he reminded you of what you were like in high school.” Before I ruined your life, he doesn’t add.

“Where did you hear that?” Alex frowns.

He doesn’t want to throw Maria under the bus so he shrugs and asks, “Am I wrong?”

“No,” Alex admits. “That’s part of the problem, actually.”

Michael’s face draws together in confusion.

“Why would that be a problem? Teen you was a total badass.”

“Oh and I’m not now?” Alex challenges, a hint of a smile on his face.

“Look at you, fishing for compliments,” Michael teases because he can’t help it. Alex rolls his eyes. “Come on, you know what I meant. So what was the problem?”

Alex hesitates before saying, “I don’t know if now’s the time to get into it.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to start a conversation we’re not ready to finish.”

Michael pauses to consider what that means. He knows what he wants Alex to mean, but the conversation Alex has in mind could just as easily be something else.

“Okay,” Michael says, unwrapping his egg sandwich with forced nonchalance. “Well, when you’re ready to start it, let me know.”

So he waits.

And waits.

And waits.

[schrijverr]

(Un)Wanted Guest

Sam is at Stanford when Dean bust in with the police on his trail after a salt ‘n burn. Sam knows what’s going on, but his friends are a bit suspicous of his brother.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: mentions of Johns parenting

(I know it’s been a lot of Supernatural lately, but I started over again with my mom, so I was insprised by that) ~~~~~~~~~~

It was Friday, which means chill night at Stanford. This week it was Sams turn to host, so they were all sat on his tiny couch watching some bad movie. It was fun, calm, relaxed and, more importantly, normal.

Then the lock started jingling, Sam was the first to notice. He picked up the remote and stopped the movie as he got up while frowning at the door. He didn’t expect anyone and whoever was trying to get in, wasn’t doing it the normal way. He crept closer to the door and his friends all shared a look, but no one dared to say a thing.

The door flew open and a man with dirty hands and a shovel ran in and closed the door. Sam was on him in seconds, grabbing the shovel and using it to pin the man to the door. The man didn’t fight back, instead he just put his hands up and said: “Hey, dude, it’s me.”

Sam identified the man, which was made obvious by his eyes widening in shock and him dropping the shovel. He asked: “Dean? What the hell are you doing here?”

“Long story,” the man said, Sams friends now could take a better look at him, he was handsome, not that much older than Sam with sandy hair and green eyes, his lips could be called mesmerizing and they watched them as they moved: “I was doing a simple salt ‘n burn, cops busted me. You have to hide me.”

That snapped Jane out of her trance as she said: “No, Sam, don’t! You can’t hide a criminal here, what if the cops come? What if they catch you? You want to study law, don’t jeopardize that for some random guy.”

Sam cringed as he looked back to the stranger, apparently named Dean. Dean said: “Some random guy? Ouch Sammy, I’m hurt.”

“Dean.” Sam pulled his original Bitch FaceTM.

“No, no, I get it, don’t worry.” Dean said, though there was a bit of hurt in there, “I mean, being an only child would have been great, right?”

“Come on, man. Don’t be like that.” Sam said, “It wasn’t as if I had that many nice family memories to take with me, or even a picture of you for that matter.”

Tom cut in: “Wait, is he family?”

Sam looked at his friends and saw all their curious faces. He sighed and let his shoulders sag as he explained: “Yeah, this is my brother, Dean.”

There was an uproar as all of them rushed to ask things like: “Why didn’t you tell us you had a brother?” “How are you so different?” “You aren’t going to let that cloud your judgment, right? He’s a criminal.”

Sam yelled: “Shut up!” a deep breath, “Thank you. Now, questions later, I hear footsteps.”

And sure enough, heavy boots echoed through the halls and doors were knocked on. Sam looked between the door, his friends and his brother a few times, before shoving his brother alongside his shovel behind the couch and telling his friends: “Don’t say a word.”

He ignored their protests and opened the door as someone knocked on the door. It was a police agent, who asked: “Have you seen a man in his twenties wearing a leather jacket, denim jeans and working shoes with dirty hands and carrying a shovel?”

Easily Sam lied: “Oh no, sir. But I thought I heard some ruckus on the fire escape, but with a dorm full of drunk students you hear a lot of random sounds, so I didn’t think much of it. Can I ask what he’s done? Should I be scared?”

The officer reassured him: “Nothing to worry about, young man. We caught the guy digging up some poor womans grave and burning her. The working theory is necrophiliac sex offender, so nothing to worry about for a living boy like you. Thank you for your time.”

“No problem officer, good luck out there. I hope you catch the guy.” Sam told him, managing to sound sincere.

The officer smiled and waved his goodbye as Sam closed the door. Once it was closed Dean got up from behind the couch with a small pout on his face and Sam started laughing. He was doubling over and gasping for air. Dean sulked some more and said: “Ha, Ha, Ha, very funny. Yeah, laugh it up.”

Between gasps Sam said: “They, they thought, they thought you were, a nerco-, a necrophiliac, oh god.”

Then he dissolved back into giggles. Dean tried to stay upset for a few more seconds, but in the end he had to laugh as well. Sams friend didn’t understand why it would be so funny, Sam just casually lied to a police officer, while his brother had dug up a grave and was a suspected sex offender.

Dean said: “This reminds me of that time they thought dad was into fucking cows, you remember that?”

“Oh yeah!” Sam exclaimed, “They took him in and everything. He had to try and explain to that lady officer that he was trying to shoot a wolf that was hunting them, which had ruined his pants. Aah, good times.”

“Then I had to sneak him the cell keys, while you pretended to be lost.” Dean reminisced, “I don’t think we ever set foot in Cherry County again.”

Jane couldn’t take it anymore, she exploded: “Sam! Why are you laughing at this? He has been caught red handed, if they ever find out that you hid him from the police, your law career is over. You might believe him when he tells you he’s innocent, but your relation is clouding your judgment. You’re over here, joking about your dad getting arrested and having to lie to police to illegally bust him out. That’s not funny, that is insane and seriously fucked up.”

Sam flinched a bit and Dean went immediately into protective brother mode. He said: “Hey, why don’t you keep your opinion to yourself, lady. You don’t know his story, maybe there’s a reason he never told you. I haven’t seen my brother in almost two years, so maybe you could let him have a moment with family that loves him before you start pushing your judgment down his throat.”

Sam put his hand on Deans arm and said: “It’s alright, she doesn’t mean anything bad by it. Jane is very good at coming up with doom scenarios, alright? You know we look fucked up from the outside, don’t ruin the friendships I’ve build here since I got away.”

Dean shot her one more angry look, which made her flinch, before looking back at Sam. Jane felt terrible, she knew she was quick to judge and to think the worse, but this really wasn’t the time, probably. She didn’t know, on one hand Sam having a fucked up youth explained so much about him and the way he acted, like how he would always look over his shoulder or know details about everyone and would comment on a car that he had never seen before, like he knew which cars drove by every day, on the other hand she didn’t know how dangerous this made him, he could be perfectly lovely, sure, but he could also be a ticking time bomb waiting to explode and when it did his friends would be the first to die!

Tom said: “This might not be the time, but what really happened? If, you know, the necrophilia stuff isn’t true.”

“Well,” Dean began, “grave desecration, is true, I did do that, but I had a good reason. You see, I knew the person next to this ladies grave, she was a close friend of mine, but her grass was wilting and I knew it was because that old hag next to her was treated by some budget mortician. So, to save my friends grave I tried to destroy hers.”

It was quiet for a second, then Jane asked: “Then why didn’t you try to take it up with the people of the grave yard or something?”

“I did, but it was a no go.” Dean lied.

Sam almost rolled his eyes at his brother’s story, Dean always had a way of coming up with a story on the fly, while Sam just tried to awkwardly get away. It felt nice to hear Dean make up bullshit stories again, like he used to when they were kids and Sam couldn’t sleep.

He was pulled out of his musings by Jess who asked: “Then you must have been into town for a few days, why didn’t visit Sam sooner?”

Both got big eyes as they looked at each other. Sam opened and closed his mouth trying to find an excuse for his brother, but nothing could come out. He felt everyones eyes on him like this was some sort of moment of truth where they would assume that Dean hated Sam and only used him for this sort of thing and they would angrily chase him away or something and he would never see his brother again. Right as he was about to have some sort of break down Dean found his words: “I didn’t think it would have been the smartest idea with how everything ended.”

Sam knew what Dean looked like when he lied, this was a truth. He said: “That was always just between me and dad, I never held anything against you, man. You were stuck just like me.”

“Yeah, but I’m still with dad, this is one of the first times we split up. Ever. He’s gonna be mad as fuck if he knows I saw you, you know that. In dads eyes I picked a side when I didn’t leave with you and if I see you, I betrayed him.” Dean said.

Sam knew this was true, but he didn’t want to let Dean go, he wanted to argue, scream, swear, hold his brother until he knew the other would never go, but he knew that none of it would help. So he just nodded sadly.

“Hey, don’t be such a downer, Sammy.” Dean said.

Automatically Sam responded: “It’s Sam.”

Dean rolled his eyes and said: “Sure, Sammy” then he pulled him into a quick hug and said: “Until the next emergency, eh.”

Sam smiled weakly and waved at him as he watched Dean grab his shovel and climb out of the window. He looked at his friends and said: “That was a weird evening for everyone, I guess.”

“Did we make a mistake, Sam?” Jane asked.

“No, he’s trying his best and he would never hurt anyone without a very good reason.” Sam said, “It’s hard to understand when you weren’t there, but Dean, Dean is one of the best people out there, he was my mom since he was four, gave up meals for me and went to my school plays while dad never went. He’s just a good guy in a bad situation.”

Jess went up to him and said: “Sam, I don’t mean anything with this, but don’t you ever think you have to talk with someone about what happened to you, because this doesn’t sound healthy.”

“Yeah, maybe...” Sam trailed off and kept staring out of the window to where Dean had disappeared, his friends sensed that this might not be the time to continue movie-night or the interrogation, so they silently left.

The next day Sam was old Sam again, when they asked about his family or brother he answered with short answers or not at all, until they stopped trying, but no one completely forgot. So, when Dean showed up some years later and taking Sam with him on a trip to find their dad, the first thing Jess did was tell everyone who had been there the first time they had met the older Winchester.

And none of them forgot that Dean had been there the night Jess died and none of them were really that surprised when Dean showed up on wanted posters all through America, but all felt guilty that they had been convinced by Sam's sad eyes and every single one of them could never let it go that they allowed that man to walk free when they could have stopped him long before he hurt anyone.

[canaryatlaw]

okay. today was not bad. not sure if we reached good, but overall now bad, which for now I will take. My body decided to wake me up at 7:50 am for no discernible reason, then decided I wasn’t gonna be able to fall back asleep so I was up for the day. well, might as well make the best of it and be productive. I wanted to make m&m pancakes because I haven’t made them in a while, and I’ve been getting lazy about measuring out the right proportions because I tend to like the batter to be thinner than what the measurements they tell you to use produce (thinner pancakes are less likely to burn on the outside while the middle still isn’t cooked and that gives me anxiety) so I just kinda eyeballed it, but it ended up being a bit too thin and the pancakes would just die when I tried to flip them, so I added some more mix and they were then working just fine. Made my pancakes, sat at the table with my computer and got a jump on the lecture for trusts. it was like 2 hours and 50 minutes, not too bad. It was alright, I did already do the New York trusts lecture so I did have some concept of what was going on, so it wasn’t like totally brand new information to me. I’d wanted to marathon two lectures today so then I don’t have to do one Monday when I’m running around doing a million other things to prep for the bar on Tuesday, so now that I was up early I was gonna try to marathon the two lectures, the second being about the same length as the first. this one was on “commercial paper” which is literally not a term I’ve even heard mentioned once in my three years of law school, so I really had no idea what was coming. The lecturer started off the video by basically saying there is legit little to no chance this is going to come up on the bar but we still made the lecture to be thorough at which point I was like okay PEACE and left because I’m not wasting precious studying time on shit that’s not gonna be on the bar (one paragraph I was reading said fed tax, which is a subject they still teach, hasn’t shown up on the bar in decades. DECADES.) so that was one less thing to do. there’s only one more lecture to cover that I’ll do tomorrow, and it’s secured transactions, which I just took in my last semester and somehow managed to swindle an A- out of it, so I’ll definitely have an advantage with that as opposed to these other subjects I never touched in high school. So, what to do now. I started with some practice questions trying to go slow and analytically, following their step by step problem solving theory, and the first batch came back with really bad grades and I was super frustrated and wanted to bang my head against the wall, but I calmed down and tried another, and the grade went up significantly, so I did a few more with mostly good grades, so that was encouraging. I did some outline review after that, then started going through the essays by subject and outlining them, which is probably something I should continue doing tomorrow, because I’m not great with the specialty subjects essays being that I just learned most of them. Interspersed with all of this was of course news coming out of comic con, I turned the push notifications off on my phone because there was just way too much coming out to distract me, but I would occasionally check it and yeah, there was just a lot. Of course there’s the fact that Jess met the entire cast, which I legit am not even a little bit surprised at because I fully expected that to happen at this point, because that’s just her life. But yeah, that’s all kinds of awesome of course (goddamn bar exam keeping me from going....) and then I took a break to make dinner. I’m still on the trying to convince myself I like eating chicken train, and I had bought some ingredients for a recipe I later decided I didn’t want to make, but I could add a few things and use them to make one meal I know is really good, chicken roll ups, which is basically shredded chicken mixed with cream cheese and shredded cheddar cheese and then stuffed into crescent roll dough and cooked and it’s fucking heavenly. Well. I managed to fuck things up in quite a few ways that made them really not very good. First off, I was using leftover rotisserie chicken, which of course just had a different texture and taste, and was also a lot drier, and I didn’t measure how much it was and I think the ratio was too much so it through off the mixture. I also ended up not having enough cheese because the block of cheddar I had in the fridge had grown a really gross mold spot on it so I had to ditch that. And then, idk if this made any difference, but I didn’t have crescent dough but I had biscuit dough, so I figured if I just rolled it out it would work fine, and idk if that contributed to it not tasting right at all but it was at least one change. so I ended up basically eating the dough off of a few of those before tossing them because they were just not good. so that’s one more check in the “failed” column in this venture. Oh well. I did also watch videos and such out of SDCC as I could, I saw Caity’s IG live where she had the camera on the sizzle reel airing live, so that was a very cool way to get to see the footage for the first time. Everything that came out was so good, I’m so happy we’re getting soft AvaLance and so so much more. I’m so pumped for this season. But alas, I went back to my essays and was getting kind of frustrated when I had a bit of a moment. I had my pump up playlist on, which included a song called Meant To Be by Steven Curtis Chapman (if you’re unaware of who that is, he’s a Christian singer) which I had debated about whether I should add and then had debated again this afternoon if I should keep it as I was deleting some of them, but I did, and I’m just sitting there frustrated when I begin to focus on the lyrics, and in that moment they really spoke to my soul-  

You were meant to be touching The lives that you touch And meant to be here Making this world so much more Than it would be without you in it

And in that minute, I was reminded of all of the reasons I am going on this crazy adventure, why I’m putting myself through all this stress and hard work. It’s because I care. It’s because I want to make a difference. I want to be the kind of person that has a radical effect on the areas of the world they worked in. I was meant to be here. I know I was. I may get frustrated sometimes and talk about how much I miss acting (which, to be fair, I really do) but at the end of the day, that decision wasn’t about me picking law because I didn’t think I could make it in acting, it was about me picking law because I wanted to be a lawyer more than anything else in this world. I had all of this in my mind and I walked over to the wall in my room where I have a picture of the little boy from the child death case I worked on. Manny. He will forever be an innocent four year old. He was denied the opportunity to grow up. And that is why I’m doing what I’m doing. I couldn’t save him, I wasn’t there. But I know there will be so, so many Manny’s in the future that I could be able to help if I worked hard and diligently and refused to back down when things get hard. That’s why I’m doing this. For all the little boys and girls who are facing potential deadly violence and neglect, innocent lives that can be saved, that can be spared meeting a grizzly death before they even get to kindergarten. Because I am so tired of hearing these stories. I. Am. So. Tired. So I’m going to do something about it. Alright, I think that’s enough of a rant for more, there will always be plenty more where that came from. I tried to do some more essays but my vision kept blurring on me which again idk if it’s a vision problem I’ve somehow developed or just a sign I’m overstudying, but it made it fairly impossible to work, so I gave up (I mean, it was also pushing like, 10 pm at this point, so it was probably a good cut off point). So I moved to the living room and watched Queer Eye, trying to unwind, which was helpful. And then I eventually decided I should go to bed, mostly because i’d like to not sleep the entire day tomorrow so I can actually get stuff done. And I am already very tired, my eyelids are actively trying to close on me right now, so I’m gonna finish here. Goodnight mah people. You da best.

[demonsonthemoon]

We Shall Rule - Chapter 1.

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe Pairing: Platonic Bucky Barnes/Clint Barton, background Jessica Drew/Natasha Romanoff Word Count: 3354 Summary: Bucky Barnes is slowly recovering from trauma and trying to start a having a normal life once more. Then he meets Clint, a new variable that intrigues him in a way he can't quite name. This is a story of people learning to know each others and themselves, navigating identity and relationships, overcoming trauma and trust issues. It's a story about life. Note: Written for #AggressivelyArospecWeek 2017 over at @aggressivelyarospec.  Currently a work in progress, so I'll post the first two chapters during the week, and then I'll try to post one chapter a month.

Available on AO3.

As soon as he entered the bar, Bucky asked himself what he was doing there. The place wasn't packed, which was a relief, but there was still a bit of a crowd. The walls were painted in a dark color impossible to recognize under the dim lighting of the room. A couple of couches were standing in one corner, some fairy lights hanging above them. There were two small tables with a few chairs in the same corner. None of this was what bothered Bucky.

The speakers were turned up at full volume and blasting some 00's Britney Spears song. And most people at the bar seemed to be ordering cocktails, either already drunk or desperately trying to get there.

Bucky would happily have joined the last group if he hadn't gotten sober because of his meds. Steve turned towards him as the small group they formed with Natasha and Sam approached the bar. He didn't seem a lot more at ease than Bucky, and smiled apologetically. “I know the music is a bit...”

“Stereotypical?”

Steve huffed out a laugh. “That's one way to put it, yeah.”

“Don't worry about it, I'll be fine.” He forced his face into a relaxed smile, and Steve seemed content enough to leave it at that.

If Bucky survived the night, he was going to make it clear to Natasha that she owed him big time. He knew that her girlfriend was on the committee that was organizing the party, and that she had dragged them here to be good friends and show support, but still. He walked up to the bar and greeted Jessica, who was already handing Nat a beer and Sam a pink cocktail.

“Hey! Bucky, Steve! It's so nice to see you here! Can I get you guys anything?”

“Just a coke, thanks,” Bucky said.

“Same for me,” added Steve.

Jess immediately bent down to retrieve their drinks in a small fridge, and pocketed their change. She excused herself to attend another client, assuring them she would be back in a sec. Sam and Natasha were greeting a few people they already knew, so Bucky turned back to Steve. He tilted his head to indicate Steve's bottle. “You can drink alcohol, you know. I won't mind.”

Steve shrugged. “Maybe later, but I'm not really in the mood for it anyway.”

“Though maybe don't drink as much as these two,” Bucky said, gesturing at two guys who were sloppily grinding into each other, trying to follow the rhythm of the music, although obviously not trying hard. “or I might just have to put the video on YouTube.” Steve punched him in the arm, but hit his prosthesis. He probably hurt himself more than Bucky.

Natasha and Sam turned back towards them just in time for Jess to come back to their group. “Busy night?” Sam asked her, as another bartender maneuvered around her to get to the beer pumps.

Jess shrugged. “Starting to get busier. But my first shift is almost ending, and I won't have anything to do until closing time after that.”

“Well, except for keeping me entertained, of course,” Natasha said. The two women shared a knowing smile at that, before Jess turned around to pour a glass of beer for someone.

The whole group settled into easy conversation, and Bucky slowly learned to tune out the loud music, focusing on his friends' words instead. A few minutes before Jess finished her shifts, they moved to a table that had freed up, tired of being jostled by people trying to get to the bar. Next to their table was the corner with the couches, on which a mismatched group was sitting, all nursing drinks and talking somewhat passionately. Bucky tuned them out too.

He focused on his breathing. The darkness and warmth of the place were unsettling, making his stomach twist slightly. He let the conversation happen around him instead of participating in it. Steve shot him a worried glance at one point, but Bucky just smiled, relaxed. He offered to get his friends' some drinks, and Sam stood up with him to help.

Both of them cringed as one of the people dancing nearly elbowed Sam in the sternum. He was still rolling his eyes when they reached the bar and placed their order. “Someone oughta teach these people how to dance.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow with a smirk. “Are you offering your services?”

Sam eyed him up and down, a considering expression on his face. Bucky opened his arms and twirled.

“Okay Barnes, you're on. Let's take these drinks back home and we'll see what you've got in you.”

Bucky laughed openly. They dropped off the tray of drinks, and he only had the time to take one sip of his coke before Sam pulled him by the elbow and dragged him away, a mischievous smile on his lips. Once on the dancefloor – which consisted of a few square meters without any tables on which people were more trying not to accidentally punch each other than actually dancing – Bucky had to admit that the music at least had enough of a rhythm to be danced to. He also found out it was less tiring to listen to when you didn't have to make the effort of understanding a conversation at the same time.

So Sam pulled him by the hand and started moving his body to the rhythm. The song playing was coming to an end, and he danced in a mostly restrained way throughout. Then a new tune started, something that Bucky could vaguely recognized as salsa-inspired in a way that wasn't very clear through the layers of autotune. Sam grabbed him by both hands, easily sliding his fingers between the clutch of Bucky's prosthesis, and started leading the dance, surprising Bucky as he started to make him twirl under his arms, even though they were pretty much the same height and Bucky was wider than him. Bucky lead for the next dance, and they had fun with it, quickly attracting the gaze of onlookers. Although their choreography was much less suggestive than the grinding of some other couples, they did make a striking pair. Bucky forgot to be self-conscious. It was like they were dancing a private joke and others couldn't help but want in on it.

They stopped after two and a half dance, the warmth of the room getting to them as they started to feel the thirst that had made them get drinks in the first place.

As they made their way back, Bucky caught the gaze of one of the guys sitting in the group next to theirs. The man grinned at him, apparently unashamed that he had been caught staring. Bucky looked away, not sure how he felt about the attention.

Steve of course welcomed them back with a bright smile, and Bucky felt slightly embarrassed about it as he sat down next to his friend. He felt like his mama had just pinched his cheek to tell him how proud of him he was. And sure, Bucky was proud of himself too, but that wasn't the point.

He raised his coke to Sam and downed half of it as Steve went back to the conversation he'd been having with Jess and Nat.

And Bucky went back to his prior state of calm.

He was only half-heartedly participating in the conversation when he heard the talk in the sofas behind him getting louder.

“Are you seriously gonna start with the gate-keeping bullshit now?” A male voice, tone slightly exasperated. “In front of me, while we're supposed to be out for a good time?”

There was a quick and sharp response followed by cold laughter, and Bucky wasn't able to catch the next few sentences.

“Don't even try to drag me into this conversation, Loki, because I won't be on your side.” It was a higher-pitched voice this time. “Like, I'm bi and nonbinary. I know how this crap goes, I've been on the other side of it. You might think you're oh-so-original by being bigoted and hiding it under a thin layer of queer theory, but this shit's been done and re-done before. It's always the same arguments and it boils down to the fact that you'd rather be an asshole and exclude people from a safe space that they need, before you confront the fact that people can face different types of oppression than you and still be part of a community that's always been more defined by the fact it welcomed people that didn't belong anywhere else than by the list of identities it included.” She stopped after that, probably getting her breathing back after what had been a pretty long tirade.

“You talk about oppression, and oppression is exactly what the queer community” Bucky could almost imagined who he assumed was a man making air quotes around the two words. “was based on. But by ignoring the historical ideals that brought people together in the first place and insinuating that 'everyone belongs', you're just opening the gate for every single made-up identity to  claim space by pretending they're oppressed because someone was mean to them once. I mean, let's be serious, I've never heard of one asexual person dying during the AIDS crisis.”

Bucky involuntarily rolled his eyes, which got him a few looks from his friends around him. Which he should actually be listening to. He tried to re-engage in the conversation going on in front of him, but the back of his mind was always drifting back to what he could hear behind him.

“Did you die in the AIDS crisis, Loki?” It was the first man's voice again. “'Cause if I had known, I would have sent your brother some flowers.”

“Don't drag him into this, Clint. And you know exactly what I mean. What example do you have of the oppression you think you face?”

“Dude, I'm not even asexual, get your facts fucking right. But like, on the top of my head? Corrective rape is a thing that still happens. So are assholes like you that try to police how others identify. The fact that asexuality is listed in the DSM if you don't self-identify is also a pretty big thing.”

“You call that a big thing? People want to have sexual desire.”

“Oh my god, Kate, can I punch him?” The man didn't wait for a reply and went on. “They want that because every-fucking-body tells them that's what they should want. Just as there are lots of closeted gay people who want to be straight. I can't fucking deal with the fact you actually believe in what you're saying right now. I'm walking out on this. I'll be outside; once you get the fucking stick out of your ass, you can come find me, if getting it out doesn't do too much damage to your pride. Since you've obviously got more of it than brains.”

“Yeah, right, you just go and pretend that the fact you don't want sex somehow makes you a special snowflake and your life’s the hardest thing on earth.”

“I've told you I'm not fucking asexual, Loki. I'm on the aromantic spectrum. Not the same thing. Also, I don't want your pity. You probably couldn't give it anyway since you're busy pouring it all over yourself. Grow up.”

The man stood up and walked out. Bucky couldn't help but turn and follow him with his gaze. He noticed it was the same blond guy that had been looking at him while he danced with Sam.

“Hey, Buck, you okay?” Steve asked next to him, a note of concern in his voice though he was trying to be casual about it.

“Me? Yeah. 'm fine. I'm just gonna go for a smoke if that's okay? It's a bit stuffy in here, I need to get some air.”

“Sure, yeah. Uh, see you.”

Bucky didn't reply, simply grabbing his jacket and walking out. He was following his impulse more than his reason, but hey. His therapist always told him he should try to take small steps out of his comfort zone from time to time. This was something he could do, right? Spend the evening at a gay bar and talk to strangers. Totally a good idea.

The fresh air hit him in the face in an almost painful way. He shivered as he slipped into his jacket, looking around for a few seconds before he noticed the blond man leaning against the wall on the other side of the street. He took a cigarette from his pocket and approached the stranger in his best nonchalant attitude. “Do you have a light?”

It was a cheap line, but it was the only way he could think of to approach the man without seeming like a creeper. Of course, if he didn't have a lighter on him, Bucky would be very embarrassed, either standing around with his unlit cigarette or having to use his own lighter and be found out a liar.

It didn't come to that as the blond pulled out a plain purple lighter from his khaki jacket. “Here you go.”

Bucky lit his smoke and took a short drag, immediately relaxing as he exhaled. The effect was probably more psychological than anything at this point, but he didn't care about that as long as it actually worked.

“So... The guy you were with sounded like kind of a douche,” Bucky stated.

The blond laughed, startled, then nodded enthusiastically. His nose was slightly crooked, and Bucky noticed a faint scar on his neck on which the streetlights reflected. “A bit of a douche.” He repeated, looking up at the sky. “I guess you could say that. He just... He has his moments. He can be pretty decent sometimes, but others he'll just start this kind of crap and it's... annoying, I guess. I mean, I'm not really close to him, so whatever. We just keep on running into each other.”

“Still. I mean, I don't want to sound like I was spying on your conversation -”

“Though you kind of were?”

Bucky shrugged. Belatedly, he thought of offering a cigarette to the other man, but he refused. “You were speaking pretty loudly, to be honest. What I meant to say is... He didn't sound like he was trying not to hurt you, you know. He seemed to be enjoying pissing you off. So you don't have to make excuses for him.”

“Am I making excuses?” He thought about it for a second, and Bucky let him. He could hear the music from the bar, though only faintly, as well as a couple of people talking across the road. “Maybe I am. I guess it's just that what he was saying wasn't anything new. It's actually getting to be pretty old stuff. And like... If you keep on staying angry at those things, you won't ever be able to let go. And it'll just ruin your life. Loki's bigotry isn't worth ruining my life over.”

“I guess, yeah.”

Bucky wanted to ask more questions. To ask how come the blond had to deal with those kinds of comment enough for him to build a protective layer against them. He wanted to know where Loki's discourse was coming from, or even what the subject of it actually was. He knew about asexuality, and it wasn't too difficult to infer from that what “aromantic” meant. But he was curious about how this stranger identified, in a way that wasn't exactly polite.

He didn't ask.

Actually, the blond was the one who next asked a question. “What's your name, by the way? I saw you hanging out with one of the bartenders, so hopefully I can score a free drink if I make her think I'm your friend.”

Bucky let out a short laugh. “Yeah, no chance, not with Jess. She's treasurer for the youth group that's throwing this party, she won't be the one responsible for giving out free drinks and making them lose out on possible benefits.”

“Worth a try,” the stranger replied with a small smile, only lifting up one side of his mouth.

“Bucky. That's my name, if you still want to know. Or, well, my actual name's James, but most people call me Bucky.”

“And do you have a preference between the two?”

Bucky shrugged.

“Okay Bucky. I'm Clint.” He extended a hand to shake, and Bucky switched his cigarette to his left hand. He was wearing a glove over his prosthetic arm and hoped Clint's attention wouldn't get caught on it.

“Nice to meet you, Clint.”

“Likewise. Saw you dance with this guy a while before. You got some moves.”

Bucky shrugged again. “Yeah. I like dancing. Used to take lessons with one of my friends when we were in highschool.”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“Uh?”

“The guy you were dancing with.”

“Sam?” Bucky shook his head, smiling. “Nah. Just a friend. Actually a friend of a friend. Only really started to get close to him in like... the last two months or so?”

“Oh, you looked pretty close,” Clint said teasingly, lying back against the wall.

“Yeah, no, I don't see him like that. And I'm pretty sure he's into Steve. Short, skinny, blond? Often looks like a lost puppy?”

“I think I see who you mean, yeah.”

Bucky dropped his cigarette and put it out, putting both hands in his jeans pocket.

“Speaking of Steve, I should probably head back. He's a bit of a mother hen sometimes, I'd better not let him start worrying or he'll freak out and give me a stern look.”

“Is that such a terrifying prospect?”

“Oh yeah. Trust me, you haven't seen Steve's stern looks.”

Bucky took a step backwards, signaling that he was about to get out of the conversation, but actually uncertain of whether he wanted to leave.

He wanted to ask for Clint's number, maybe. The blond was pretty attractive, in a kind of toned-down way, and he had a sort of laid-back charm about him. But mostly Bucky was just... intrigued. He wasn't sure whether it was in a nice way or not, and that was why he hesitated to act on it. It was his first night out after his last relapse, and Bucky was conscious of the fact that he might just have taken an unhealthy fancy to the guy because he had starved himself of any human contact for weeks.

“Do you come here regularly?” Clint asked as he was taking a second step back. “I mean, I don't think I've seen you around, but maybe I just hadn't noticed you.” He sounded doubtful of the idea in a way that brought warmth to Bucky's cheeks.

“Not... exactly. I don't... I don't go out much, actually. Today was kind of a favor to my friends.”

“I guess you'd really better get back in, then.”

“Yeah, but, uh...” Bucky took a breath. “Could I give you my number? I don't... if that's... I mean I'm not looking for...” He shook his head.

Clint shrugged. “'I'm not looking for' either. But if you want to grab a coffee or something someday, I probably wouldn't say no. Especially if you pay for it. I'm kind of broke, to be honest.”

Bucky laughed. “Sure. Want me to dictate?”

Clint pulled out his phone, unlocked it, and handed it to him. “Just type it in.”

Bucky did that, then handed the phone back. Clint fiddled with it for a few seconds, then Bucky felt his own phone vibrate in his jeans pocket. And pulled it out to a new text that just said “hi :)”. He saved the number and gave Clint a smile and a wave as he turned back to the bar.

“Ok. See you around then?”

“Sure. Maybe you can teach me some of those dance moves someday.”

“Sure.” He stepped inside, the saturated atmosphere immediately weighing on him. Natasha and Jess were slow-dancing. They smiled at him as he crossed the dancefloor, settling back next to Steve and fiddling with the wrist joint of his prosthesis.

[originalwinnercheesecake]

Chain of Iron theories: Who is the Killer

Its coming up on a week since last made a COI theory post. I said that I was going to try to post all my theories on COI BEFORE it comes out next month, so this posed a problem. So mow I am going to give my input on one of the biggest Mystery’s for COI, Who is the Killer? So in COI Belial will have a new minion who will target the shadowhunters, manages to kill 5 of them (same number Tatiana needed for the ritual) and is difficult for them to apprehend because they are somehow able to disappear. CC has left some hints that the killer is actually another Shadowhunter that Belial has somehow managed taken Possession of, despite protection rituals that should have been placed on this individual at birth ( My theory on that is that since this book is called “Chain of Iron” we will learn that Belial controls all his pawns with “chains of iron”. All hidden on their persons and glamored to look like ordinary accessories.) Our synapse for the book says that James Herondale has been having strange nightmares and fears he may actually be the killer. In COI he will start to tie himself up to sleep at night. We all know its not James right? In mysteries like this you always throw out your first guess/ the obvious guess. I have seen a lot of posts theorizing on who the true identity could be. I have seen some theories do not make much sense to me and some that were really good.

One theory that seems off to me is the idea that the killer is actually multiple killers, more specifically a collection of the survivors of Belial’s illness. If you support this theory I get your reasoning:Belial was able to briefly posses these people before, and the illness may have left biological changes in them. But here’s where I am confused, the killer is implied to be a massive threat wielding enhanced dark magic. At the end of COA there are 30something cured shadowhunters released from Silent City. CC says that the killers body count will be 5. If Belial has 30something new pawns that he can posses, gift his terrible powers to, and send out to prey on shadowhunters, I feel like there should be a lot more than 5 victims. I know Beial is not yet at full strength from battling Cortana, but he should at least be stronger than that. I have also heard theories that it is one of the Blackthorns. This also does not make much sense to me, given that for one thing none of them have training, Tatiana and Grace already have established rolls in Belial’s plans, and while I know Jesse is a part of Belial’s plan I believe his part will be save for COT after he has been resurrected. IF Belial were using Jesse’s empty body to walk the earth, then wouldn’t he also need to stop anyone from trying to resurrect Jesse?

 I have heard many theories on Elias Carstairs being the killer. Many of them just want to make Elias out to be CC’s newest and most horrible monster parent, and absolve Alastair of any responsibility or need to apologize for the cruelty he has shown to our mains. If this is your reasoning for believing Elias is the killer than let me stop you right there. CC has written multiple series and her skills have evolved beyond the need to rely on such easy black and white tricks. But I also saw some people posting about how Elias goes home so late and stopped writing to his family. Some are theorizing that the real Elias Carstairs was intercepted and killed on his way back home and that the being that arrives in COI is actually an eidolon demon pretending to be Elias. This theory is AMAZING. It makes a lot of scenes, would give Belial another spy in a key place, and could potentially explain why Cortana starts acting so weird. I love this theory I do. I am just putting it t the side right now because I need the real Elias alive for other Carstairs family theories, and again have been working with the theory that the killer is a real shadowhunter whom Belial is controlling with another “chain of iron”. My theories are below.

1.) Lucie Herondale is the Killer

 I am working with he theory that all Belial’s pawns have “chains of Iron” on them, which means all three blackthorns have them. In old art CC released of Grace she is seen wearing a pearl necklace that I was convinced had to be her’s. Tatiana’s (who probably consented to wearing hers) could be anything, maybe that stupid, creepy bird, she wears in her hat. Jesse... is mentioned several times to wear a locket.... that we know is connected to Belial.... and was weakened when he took it off to give to Lucie... who is wearing it now. Do you people see where I am going with this? It can also be noted that one of the parts of Lucie’s arc is that she is frequently overlooked in favor of James and how that is a mistake on peoples parts.  Everybody knows that James has powers, he has had 4-5 years of people helping him figure out what they are and how to control them. Nobody but ghosts know that Lucie has powers, she has no training, and is only starting to understand what they mean. James is vulnerable but so is Lucie. I do not want her to be the killer. Lucie is such a fun character, and I was so happy to finally have a female Herondale play a role that was close in size to her male relative’s. I truly feel that Lucie deserves better than to be just a tragic character in the story. I want her to be that plus a hero, but I cannot deny that she is a possibility.

2.) Charles Fairchild is the Killer

I have seen Charles name appear on multiple lists of theory’s on the killer’s identity. People never really give reasons as to why they believe he is the killer. They are just mad at him for choosing to put his career higher on his list of priorities than his relationship with Alastair, or him being the killer would hurt less because he is not written to be a fan favorite. If you are someone who wants the killer to be Charles, but are unsure how likely it is your in luck. Because I can give you a whole list of reasons it is likely

Charles is already acting strange. We know he made some kinda screw up in Paris and had to come home. Apparently Charlotte is sending Tessa and Will to Paris to Start the fix up and Charles will go back afterwards. Well based on what we have gotten on Charles making a mistake like that is unlike him. Casting Long Shadow’s reveals that Charles has been working as a politician since he was 13 and is normally known for being very dependable and reliable. That’s part of the reason he is considered such a shoe-in for Counselor once his mother retires.??? I have theories on Charles mental state (which I will address in a later theory post that will be centered around the Fairchild’s) and do consider the possibility that he was sett off by fear over the outbreak or grief over losing Alastair... But this sudden change could be from other things as well

As of COG2 Charles is engaged to Grace Blackthorn, who controls him like a puppet. Grace herself is the puppet of Tatiana Blackthorn, who is the puppet of Belial. So Charles is now part of a very dangerous carnival. Charles decade of study and knowledge of clave politics at the top could be very useful to Belial in taking them down. Also previous short stories say that Charles spends most of his time in Idris for work and when in London usually stays at home going through law books and records. So I could easily believe he does not completely  know his way around London and (like the killer is hinted to) would need to use a map to get around.

Now on to my biggest reason for theorizing Charles for the killer. Charles and Matthew’s relationship with each other. Charles and Matthew do not get along, like at all. They did once, but that was a real long time ago. A lot of the reasons they don’t get along is dumb sibling stuff: Charles calling Matthew an immature child, kicking him and his friends out of rooms in their house, and lording his increased age over Matthew. Matthew making more noise to annoy Charles, telling everyone Charles embarrassing middle name, and regularly sneaking into Charles room to steal his cologne instead of just buying his own. We are not hear to discuss any of that. All of that has me laughing because it is peak sibling rivalry. Rivalry aside Charles and Matthew model  the old dynasty trope for Ssons with Charles being “the Heir” and Matthew being “the Spare”. The Heir’s life is decided for them as soon as they are born, they will succeed their parent and continue their legacy. The Spare is just that, a back up plan kept around should the heir die, become disabled, never marry, or turn out to be infertile (happens way more than people like to think about). Charles struggles with the weight of his parents expectations. Matthew is more or less the Black sheep of his family, living his life day by day with no grand plan. Because of this he is cut off from them in a way, and goes through a lot of loneliness and isolation in his own house. Neither brother see’s the others hard time; the other has what they themselves want: Charles has attention, Matthew freedom, so they wrongly assume the other must be doing fine. This is a lot like Matthew and James relationship in Dust and Shadows. Matthew and James talked things over with each other and were good after. Matthew and Charles stay apart and ignore each other when they cannot. They will not just talk and be good after. So maybe if put on different sides they will fight out their issues with each other? On the subject of Matthew having to fight Charles, lets say hypothetically Charles is the killer and is possessed. We know from previous books that clave protocol is to place a kill order on possessed members. If that becomes the case do you think Matthew would be able to follow through with those orders? Be able to hunt, fight, and kill his older brother? No. No matter how rough their relationship I doubt Matthew would ever be able to do that. It would be to much for him, to similar to his “sin”. He would want to catch Charles, then try to find a way to free him from possession. Maybe if Mathew could successfully accomplish this then maybe he could forgive himself for his “sin”. If Matthew tries to save him and fails than at least this time other people would know and could potentially get him some help.  

3.) Filomena DI Angelo is the Killer.

Ahh our upcoming new arrival from  Italy. Why are you coming to London girl? Haven’t you heard about all the crazy things that happens there last fall? What possible role could you play in the story that couldn’t be filled by one of our many already existing characters from COG2? (Do you even know your way around?) How suspicious that Filomena should show up around the same time as this killer? Wouldn’t it be great for the story if the killer came from a different country? Wouldn’t that do wonders for showing how powerful a threat Belial is? His dark influence stretching across country lines, maybe even across oceans! We have already been told that TLH characters will need to travel to other countries. How the villain is less one person and more a force. Filomena could start that. She could provide reason to search countries besides London for Belial’s influence. Proof of it being so wide spread would definitely make Belial feel more like a force. Oh but wait, cheesecake wait. Filomena cannot be the killer! That would make her evil, and CC said she was a nice girl! Oh I am sure Filomena is a nice girl, but people tend to change when under demon control. But she is a girl and the killer is hinted to be a male shadow hunter! Are we sure the killer isn’t presented as male because Belial is presented as male? Is it impossible that while on the hunt as the killer Filomena DI Angelo dress in men’s cloths in order to more safely move through the streets? I feel like we have saw that trick once before in TID.

All we really know about Filomena is that she came to London, will interact with some of our established characters, and she will get a crush on someone we know, thus presenting herself as a possible love interest. Matthew was my first guess, hey he was every bodies first guess. CC shut that down, Filomena is not being brought in to fix the love triangle between James, Cordeila, and Matthew. Matthew is one of the only ones to not have at a least semi-confirmed endgame ship. So this means that Filomena will probably not be endgame with her crush. Why?   My next guess was her crush was on Anna. Ariadne is shown to be relentless in her attempts to “win Anna back” and Anna is not having it. Tweets time and time again depict her basically telling Ariadne “Its not going to happen. Give up and leave me alone”, but falling on deaf ears. So maybe Anna will try to get a new girlfriends and keep her around until she is ready to forgive/ go back to Ariadne. Well Anna is more a secondary character, a loving big sister figure to our mains. She gets less page time because of this. We already know she will spend time with Cordelia, Lucie, Ariadne, Eugenia, Thomas... not much page time left for Filomena. After further analyses I have theorized that Filomena must have a crush on Thomas.

A quick google search on the name Filomena shows that it is an Italian name that means “loving friend” “strong friend” and “lover of music” all these sound kinda like Thomas. (Filomena is also the name of a character in the 14th century Italian collection  of short stories called the Decameron, who liked to make stories up about plagues... or so some digging around google told me ). This could fit quite nicely into Thomas’s story. First of all to everybody who has been calling Thomas “gay” please wait a moment to be sure. Thomas does not yet publicly or self identify as gay. He clearly has an attraction to one man, but CC says that he has not yet realized his sexuality and will spend TLH figuring out. He might be gay, but he could just as easily turn out to be bi or pan. For the sake of this theory lets assume Thomas is Bi. Thomstair is definitely endgame. We know Alastair is gay, and CC usually likes to pair gay characters up with bi characters in queer ships, see Malec and Heline. Should Thomas be bi, should he start to become close and develop feelings for Filomena, it will have to go wrong. More wrong than he considers his feelings for Alastair at the end of COG2 (Filomena do not hurt this boy, he has been through enough). We got a tweet that suggests Thomas is interested in the killer, and a hint that he is planing something big. We got a kinda frightening picture that suggests the Killer may be very interested in Thomas.

If Lucie is the killer she will somehow be freed from Belial’s control,. I can 100% guarantee it, Charles I feel will have a 50/50 chance, Filomena will die from it. It would be a herculean task to free her, and she is not important enough to the mains for them to actively try and do anything more than give her a merciful death. Should she and Thomas become close than it will break his heart. But if Alastair is there for him afterwards, able to emphasizes and offer him comfort that will go along way to redeeming Alastair to Thomas. The whole experience could be love is hard, both men and women have the ability to hurt you. but the right person will make it up to you and it is good to forgive them when they do. I personally think that would be a pretty cool direction for Thomas’s arc to take.

[ostrich-on-a-rampage-blog]

Me: Wow, Ostrich, that’s a lot of fic requests in your in box. You should probably get on those now that it’s summer.

Also me: How about something that doesn’t even answer a single request.

In all honesty, I tried to complete the jesse/crutchie conspiracy theory requests I have. And then, this happened. Basically, it’s a bridge before I get to the requests in my inbox. We’re looking at (right now) a five part story. Part four should actually be here soon, because I’m almost done with that guy. 

That being said, Part One is here and Part Two is here.

“Okay, but here’s the thing,” Jesse explained, his head leaning on Jack’s shoulder, “France is actually very over-rated. Or, rather, Paris is.” The night sky stretched above them, a light breeze ruffling Jesse’s hair. Jack’s arm was draped across Jesse’s shoulders, pulling him close. It had only been a couple of weeks since Jesse had told Jack that he was immortal, since he had left to go to Winnie, since Jack had welcomed him back, despite the betrayal that still curdled Jesse’s stomach. “Have you ever had escargot?”

“Nah, I ain’t even heard of it. Sounds all fancy-like.”

“It’s snails.”

“Oh, nasty,” Jack quickly responded. “Have you actually eaten a snail?”

“I did. It was okay,” Jesse said, falling silent as Jack rubbed his thumb back and forth over the other boy’s hand. He glanced down, watching Jack’s thumb for a moment, before gently squeezing Jack’s hand and continuing, “Yeah, I even convinced my brother to try it. He hated it.” Jesse laughed hoarsely, shaking his head. “Just like he hated everything I wanted to do. You know, I tried to tell him about you. Wrote a letter.” Jesse shook his head. “He never even bothered replying.”

Jack pulled Jesse closer to him. “You don’t really talk about your brother all that much,” he observed.

“Miles and I… We used to be really close. And then everything with the Spring happened. I think he blames me for our immortality. If I hadn’t… I drank first, and everyone else followed after. And then, we wouldn’t have realized we were actually immortal if I hadn’t fallen from the tree. After that, Miles’ family left him. He… He blames me for that, too. And I deserve it. It was my fault.”

“How could that possibly be your fault?” Jack asked. “Whether you drank first or not, your whole family would have ended up becoming immortal. And eventually you would have discovered your immortality. So, if your brother doesn’t like you for that, then that’s his loss. I think you’re great.”

Jesse shrugged. “It’s whatever, Jack. I mean, I don’t even need my family.” He smiled softly. “I have you, instead.”

“Yeah, you got me,” Jack agreed. He frowned when Jesse pulled out of his arms. “What’s wrong?”

“How long do I have you, Jack? A couple years? Maybe ten, if I’m lucky? You’re going to age, Jack. You’re going to die.” Jesse sniffed, rubbing angrily at his nose. “And then I’ll be alone all over again.”

Jack pulled Jesse back into his chest, running a hand through Jesse’s hair. “We… I… That can be fixed,” he whispered.

Jesse’s heart fluttered. Jack was already seventeen. There would be no waiting, there would be no worry that Jack would move on. They could be together. Jesse could have someone to call his own, for forever. He’d never have to worry about being alone, about watching those he loved die. Maybe, for the first time in forever, Jesse could truly be happy.

But, no. It would never work. As much as Jesse hated to admit it, Miles was right. Miles was always right. He couldn’t force Jack into giving up death, giving up the whole purpose of life, just for him. Jesse shook his head, though the motion pained him. “No, Jack. You can’t. I won’t… I won’t let you.”

“But you’d’ve let that girl?”

“Jack,” Jesse tried, but Jack wouldn’t listen.

“No, this is a couple weeks ago all over again,” Jack muttered, standing up and beginning to pace back and forth across the roof. “I’m your second choice, aren’t I?” he demanded, angrily.

“No--”

“No, shut up, Crutch. You never really loved me; you settled for me. You settled.” Mockingly, Jack pitched his voice higher to imitate Jesse, “‘Oh, I guess I can’t have this perfect girl from perfect little New Hampshire, but, hey, there’s this stupid, grubby newsboy and I guess I can settle for him until that girl can drink from the Spring and we can be together forever.’ Happily ever after,” Jack spat. “Well, I’m sorry that I’m not good enough for you. I’m sorry that I wasn’t what you wanted. But, I’m what you have.” Jack turned away, glowering. “Or, rather, I was what you had.”

“Jack,” Jesse started, his voice thick and wet. “Please--”

“I had hoped,” Jack started, before cutting himself off with a low growl. “You know, when you came back, I almost just turned you away. I was so angry. So angry. You left me for some girl you had known six years ago. I loved you, Crutchie. And, apparently, you didn’t love me back.”

Jesse shook his head. “No, I did. Jack, I did. I do. I love you, Jack.”

“You left me!” Jack shouted.

“I came back!” Jesse tried to explain. “I was wrong. I know that. I regret it more than anything else I’ve ever done. If I could go back and change one thing, it wouldn’t be the Spring; it would be leaving you. I wouldn’t. I swear, Jack, I’m sorry.”

“When you came back, I almost turned you away again. I didn’t want to get hurt again. I couldn’t get hurt again. And… And then, you just looked at me and I couldn’t say no.” Jack shook his head, snorting self-deprecatingly. “I was always weak.” His eyes shot up, fiery. “I could never protect myself. And now it’s happening all over again. I let you come back,” Jack hissed. “I let you come back and now you just want to betray me all over again.”

“I know you let me come back and I love you. I love you, Jack. I’m sorry, I’m so very sorry. I love you, Jack and I can’t explain, but I can’t be without you. I’m sorry, Jack. I’m so sorry, but I don’t want you to be stuck as an immortal because I love you,” Jesse tried to explain, words rushed and jumbled.

Jack shook his head, the movement suddenly tired. “I don’t care, Crutch. Or Jesse. Whatever the hell your name is. I don’t care. Just… just leave. I should never have let you come back.”

“Jack,” Jesse tried, not even bothering to wipe away the tears that ran freely down his cheeks. He reached towards Jack, but the newsboy shoved his hand away. “Jack, please--”

“Get away,” Jack commanded. “I don’t want to see you ever again.”

For a moment, Jesse remained where he was seated, praying that this was just a dream, just an awful nightmare. The breeze chilled his skin, goosebumps rising and solidifying the reality of the situation. It was real. Jack really wanted him gone. Gone, forever.

Guess, he’d actually get to visit the Arctic Tundra.

[coldtomyflash]

Any thoughts/theories on who Savitar might be, in light of the "Once and Future Flash" episode? I'm hearing people suspect it might be Eddie, which could be cool. And that fits in with the whole "Barry ruined my life" thing and also 2024 Killer Frost's comments that Barry would be "so surprised" when he found out. But I also feel like if that was the case Caitlin would have been more confused/suspicious towards him instead of just immediately giving in like she did at the end of the episode?

I’ve talked a lot about my theories and the various ones I’ve heard, weighing the possibilities, but maybe I should have it all in one place, so here we go.

Who Savitar might be (in descending order of likelihood).

1. Barry Allen

This is my favorite theory. 

Maybe it’s a Barry who becomes so twisted by the death of Iris that he makes a time remnant who becomes Savitar somehow. Maybe it’s the version of Barry that was destroyed by Barry changing the timeline so many times, and he’s been caught in the speedforce going mad all this time, re-witnessing his mother’s death. 

Who knows? Not me. But I can see it from how this season has gone, with it being about consequences to Barry’s time travel. And Caitlin knows enough about time travel and time remnants to put that together quick, upon seeing Savitar’s identity. Like I mentioned somewhere else, her reaction could’ve been a “this version of you is as twisted as I am as Killer Frost” - a mutual understanding of what they’ve both become.

This theory also makes the most sense from Savitar’s “it’s me or you” thing with Iris. Maybe Barry needs to become so twisted and broken to become Savitar, and Iris has to die in order for that to happen.

2. Eddie Thawne 

This would warrant some surprise from Killer Frost, given that Eddie was pretty dead last we checked. She wasn’t quite confused enough for this, maybe?

But note that Eddie died within a time loop, right? The only reason he killed himself is because Eobard time travelled. No Eddie procreating, no Eobard to travel back in time and cause Eddie to ultimately kill himself. The speedforce shelters that timeline (Eobard’s original timeline) to prevent a world-collapsing paradoxical time loop, but we don’t really know if that means Eddie just stays dead, or if he’s maybe been stuck in the speedforce or caught in a time loop going mad?

It also plays into the “you’ll never guess” thing they’ve got going, but fit with it being someone who knows the team / has been watching them, has a personal connection to Iris. Idk, this gifset had some interesting points/parallels for it.

3. Cobalt Blue / Malcolm Thawne / Barry’s evil twin

This one is out of the comics but I’m a fan of this theory. Separated twins at birth, a twin who thinks Barry took “everything” from him by having the life that he was supposed to have but never got to, raised by the Thawnes and not the Allens. It seems unlikely to me that they’d actually play it out this way, but some Cobalt Blue reference or tie-in wouldn’t really surprise me.

Anyway, @ladyofpride and @prouvairablehulk have made an interesting case for this.

4. Ronnie Raymond

So people are suggesting this one I think because of the Killer Frost tie-in? And maybe because it’s sort of unclear what the heck happened to Ronnie’s body when he was sucked into the singularity. Maybe he wasn’t crushed by gravity and maybe he didn’t get chucked out as a corpse onto Earth 2. Maybe he just got lost in the speedforce, sucked in like Roscoe (Turbine) in the New 52.

I kind of dig this theory on a few fronts, including that it would be a genuine twist, fit with the comics in that weird way, and sort of have a strange tie-in with how Julian was Savitar’s avatar and was falling for Caitlin all season. But, I do believe if this were true, Killer Frost’s reaction to seeing him would’ve included more shock and awe and joy?

5. Iris West

This is a new theory I’ve seen floating around. It’s neat, placing the “it’s you or me, Iris” thing in an entirely new light. Iris doesn’t die, she becomes Savitar. Or I mean, she does die, and thus becomes Savitar.

I feel that Killer Frost’s reaction at the end of 3x19 would actually fit with it being Iris, to be totally honest, but I still think it’s ultimately a little unlikely. That being said, the seasonal big bad being a woman? Into it. And it would be an unexpected twist. What better to ruin Barry than the woman he loves becoming the one who ruins him? 

6. Another speedster: Jay Garrick, Wally West, Jesse Quick, Eliza Harmon

Mostly Wally and Jay, but I think these are all at least a little plausible, right? Jay is stuck in the speedforce right now though, so it would have to be a Jay from a different time. Wally is an interesting theory to me… Savitar took a shining to Wally and used him, got close to him, imprisoned him and the speedforce didn’t want to let Wally go.

Also, it would but a neat spin on 2024!Wally. Wally goes after Savitar, Savitar breaks his back and does something to him, and Wally becomes permanently catatonic? Maybe he’s catatonic due to becoming Savitar? I know it’s convoluted and silly and unlikely, but hell, this show handwaves a lot.

Jesse seems unlikely but she’s a speedster so? Same with Trajectory – she was destroyed by the speedforce after all. Maybe Velocity made her one with the speedforce. It’s silly and I doubt it, but hey, I’m being thorough.

7. Leonard Snart

I don’t think this is likely, but some people think Occulus!Len might’ve become the God of Speed. @literallyflashtrash suggested it as a crack theory but it’s taken off since then, and others have thought it up independently as well. I think we all just miss Snart. It’s okay guys, I miss him too.

8. Humanized!Grodd

“I am the future, Flash…” - Grodd, New 52. Enough Said.

9. Patty Spivot

@terrie01‘s joke but hell, at this point, I won’t even be surprised. Throw us all for a loop, writers.

10. A random hot dude because KF is thirsty

Someone joked about this and I 100% approve. “you’re gonna be sooo suprised… that Savitar is someone you haven’t even met!”

11. Edward Clarriss / The Rival

The dude had a big enough ego, right? Was created by Flashpoint. Maybe Savitar is somehow a remnant of him, and that’s part of why he killed Clarriss when he was done with him? It’s not like Zoom didn’t pull the same move with killing his remnant, and this show loves its parallels.

12. (Grown up) Sara Diggle

Barry erased her existence from the timeline. If I were her, I would want revenge too. Obviously not likely, but damn does he deserve this coming back to bite him.

[theajaheira]

grand romantic gestures (5/6)

“you’re telling me,” buffy was saying, “that ms. calendar recreated the ritual to restore angel’s soul, and then angel killed her for it.”

“yep,” said willow’s voice.

“is…gil okay?”

“i, um,” gil had a feeling willow was glancing over at her closed office door, “i don’t know.”

this chapter: unsurprisingly, jenny is not very friendly

“God, Gil, how many concussions have you gotten in the past two weeks alone?” Buffy was demanding.

Gil blinked, head spinning unpleasantly, and opened her eyes. “What—happened?” she asked blearily.

“Why did you spend so much time close to Ms. Calendar?” Buffy replied with exasperation. “You knew she could wake up and try to kill you, right?”

“Oh, that’s not my intention,” said Jenny idly from the book cage.

“That’s the part I don’t get,” said Cordelia, pointing at Jenny. “She didn’t kill Gil.”

“Maybe I’m biding my time,” said Jenny.

“Ms. Calendar knocked you out,” Willow explained sympathetically, placing a hand on Gil’s shoulder. “Or, um, not Ms. Calendar, I guess.” She glanced nervously over at Jenny—the vampire, Gil reminded herself. “Then we heard the noise and came in, and Ms. Calendar just kind of backed off and let us lock her in. She’s been staring at us all for the last twenty minutes. It’s super freaky.”

“Angel’s off getting another Orb of Thesulah,” Buffy added. “He’s trying to see if he can find one at a shop out of town. He says he should be back in about an hour.”

“I really couldn’t care less,” said Gil frankly, and tried to stand up. “Ow.”

“I did hit you pretty hard,” said the vampire conversationally. “Might leave a bruise in the morning.” She had the same matter-of-fact way of talking as Jenny, and she hadn’t put on her game face; her countenance was still as lovely as it had been in life. It was somehow worse than seeing Jenny monstrous and angry. Gil got the sense that the vampire knew that.

“Shut up,” said Buffy to the vampire.

“Don’t,” said Gil fiercely without thinking.

“It’s not her,” Buffy reminded Gil very gently. “We need to all remember that, okay? It’s not her.”

“I don’t care,” said Gil, eyes on the vampire, who was smiling smugly as though some theory of hers had been proven. “Don’t shout at her. She’s going to be gone in a few hours, anyway, so we can all at least be civil.”

“Not gone,” said Xander pointedly.

Gil turned to him. “I’m sorry?” she said carefully.

“How come we didn’t get to give Jesse this treatment, huh?” Xander demanded suddenly. “How come with everyone else it’s ‘vampires are evil, nothing good left in them,’ but when it’s Buffy’s boyfriend or your bosom buddy—”

“Emphasis on bosom,” said the vampire, and quirked a smile at Gil.

“Shut up,” said Xander. Then, “What?”

“Oh, she didn’t tell you?” The vampire turned innocent eyes on a stunned Gil. “I’d love to say I’m shocked, but—”

“Shut the fuck up,” said Willow fiercely, striding forward and rattling the bars of the book cage. “That’s not yours to tell. This isn’t your life.”

Xander and Buffy stared at Willow, then each other.

“It’s my life now,” said the vampire. “Even when Jenny comes back, she’s not gonna be the same. This kind of thing…changes a person.”

“I don’t care,” said Willow. There was an edge of steel in her voice. “That’s not yours to tell.”

The vampire nodded thoughtfully. Then she said, “What about what I know about you?”

Willow faltered. “I don’t—” she began.

“I know why you really wanted extra credit,” said the vampire. “Jenny always knew. Straight A student, always hanging around for extra opportunities?”

Gil saw where this was going, and she wouldn’t have it. It was one thing for the vampire to reveal their relationship, but very much another for it to out a girl who was just now becoming comfortable with her sexuality. “Don’t,” she said.

“Why not?” said the vampire cheerfully. “Not much you can do to stop me, not with—”

Gil opened the door, stepping in and pulling the vampire to its feet. She thought she saw the vampire’s eyes soften for a moment, but then it was grabbing at her throat.

“Gil!” Buffy shrieked.

“Seriously, why does she always do things like that?” Cordelia inquired.

Gil tried to elbow the vampire. It hit her in the face again. “Wow, you really never learn, do you?” it said, marveling. “It’s no wonder Jenny was in love with you. She always did go for the stupid ones.”

“Wait,” said Xander. “Ms. Calendar was in love with Gil?”

“So not what we need to be focusing on right now, Xander!” shouted Buffy.

Willow flew at the vampire. It pushed her back with one hand, then pulled Gil tight against it, hard enough to bruise. “Missed me?” it asked sweetly.

Gil struggled hard.

The vampire stopped, and loosened its grip ever so slightly. Gently, it raised a hand, straightening Gil’s glasses. “Roberta,” she said, very softly, her eyes dark and loving. “You holding up okay, sweetie?”

“Jenny,” said Gil in a small, broken voice, forgetting for a moment where she was.

“Wait,” said Xander. “Is Gil in love with Ms. Calendar?”

“Your grades really aren’t reflective of your perceptiveness, Mr. Harris,” said the vampire in a way that was not at all like Jenny. Mocking and biting, no playful sweetness to her smile. “I’ll expect better from you if you’re taking my class next semester.” Its grip tightened on Gil, and it yanked her in front of it, holding her like a shield. “I’ll be going,” she said. “Resouling isn’t really my style.”

“Oh my god, Gil,” said Buffy. She sounded like she was trying to be exasperated, but there was genuine panic in her eyes. “Why did you let her get to you?”

But Gil looked over at Willow, who was the only one who knew all the reasons why she’d done what she’d done. “You’ll be fine,” she said. “Don’t wait too long to be honest, Willow.”

“You know, there isn’t a moral for everything,” said the vampire, and backed out of the library, still holding Gil in front of her.

“We’re taking your car,” said the vampire.

“Oh, so you have a specific location where you want to kill me?” said Gil as dryly as she could.

“No,” said the vampire, and ripped a strip of fabric from Jenny’s dress, tying Gil’s hands tightly behind her back.

Gil didn’t struggle. Something seemed off about the situation, and she felt like panicking might make it more difficult for her to think critically about what was going on. “Right,” she said. “My car keys are in my jacket pocket, then, and my car’s in the usual spot.”

“Who got my teacher parking space?” the vampire asked as they walked down the front steps of the school. “Was it that science teacher who always made fun of you? Her name’s escaping me right now—Ms. Dougherty?”

“Ms. Nelson,” said Gil quietly, “and no. Your space is still up for grabs, actually.”

“Hmm,” said the vampire. Then, “So I’m guessing you found out Willow’s gay, huh?”

“What are you doing?” Gil asked.

“Making conversation,” said the vampire, and shrugged in a way that was painfully Jenny-like. Everything about the vampire was painfully Jenny-like. “You’re not going to die tonight, Roberta, so you can definitely relax.”

“Why should I trust you?” said Gil doubtfully.

The vampire smiled cheerfully. “I helped you cast that demon out of the Internet,” she said, a parody of Jenny’s sweet, genuine affection. “I think that merits some level of trust.”

“That’s not funny,” said Gil quietly.

“I thought it was pretty good.” The vampire stepped over to Gil’s car, unlocking one of the doors.

“Aren’t you concerned that the children will chase us down?” Gil inquired pointedly.

“Not really,” said the vampire, and gently helped Gil into the car, as though she hadn’t been the one to tie Gil’s hands behind her back in the first place. “They’re going to be waiting for Angel because they want me resouled. It’ll be Willow who comes up with it, and Xander who convinces Buffy to agree, and by that point I’ll be dead anyway.”

Suddenly, Gil understood. “You’re going to kill yourself,” she said. “Out of spite for me.”

The vampire started up the car. “Jenny just wanted to be loved, you know,” she said. “She hid it pretty well. She loved you, yeah—she never needed to try to love people. She was just kind of like that. But she wanted to be loved so badly that she wouldn’t even admit it to herself.” She kept her eyes on the road. “I love you, Roberta,” she said conversationally. “Always will. But Jenny never let herself hate you, and I can do that too now.”

“Why?” Gil asked softly.

“You know why,” said the vampire.

Gil thought for a moment. “I’ve failed you in many different ways,” she said finally. “I want to know what I could have done differently. If you really want to hurt me—”

“You didn’t love her back.” The vampire’s voice trembled. “She just wanted that one thing, Roberta, and you wouldn’t give it to her.” As Gil opened her mouth, the vampire added, “Don’t give me some crap about always loving me. It’s too late for that.”

“You know I love you,” said Gil, a dull ache in her chest. “You know, or you wouldn’t have come up with this plan in the first place.”

“Not necessarily true,” said the vampire. “I know your sense of duty. I know how easily Jenny guilted you over that Eyghon crap. I know you take full responsibility for casualties when Jenny’s death was never an accident. She was a part of it too, you know. She knew what might happen, and you chalk it up to you not being there or loving her enough.” She smiled, eyes never wavering from the road. “You’re not going to forget me, Roberta,” she said. “You’re always going to remember that you couldn’t save her because of me.”

“Why do you want me to remember you?” Gil asked. She thought there were tears in her eyes, and wished she could wipe them away.

“I love you,” said the vampire matter-of-factly. “I also really hate you, but that doesn’t erase how much Jenny loves you.”

“Loves?”

“I don’t think she’ll ever stop.” The vampire stopped the car, studying Gil’s face. “Not even when there’s nothing of her left.”

Gil tried to open the car door, forgetting that her hands were tied behind her back. “Are we done?” she inquired.

“Oh, no, you’re staying in the car,” said the vampire calmly, and got out, locking the car doors.

For the first time, Gil felt a sudden rush of panic. It had been easy to convince herself that she could find a way to stop the vampire when they were driving, and the vampire had been so cavalier and composed. It had made her feel strangely safe, even if it had hurt. But now she was in a locked car, hands quite literally tied, and she was going to watch Jenny die when she’d had a chance to save her.

“I’m sorry,” she called desperately. “Jenny—please.”

“Jenny isn’t home right now,” said the vampire, smiling sweetly. “She’s coming later.”

And suddenly, Gil knew what the last part of the vampire’s plan was.

“You’re not watching me die,” said the vampire. “The fire’s going to start really kicking in when Jenny gets her soul back.” She turned on her heel, heading towards the abandoned apartment building that the car had been parked relatively nearby.

Gil attempted to kick in the windshield. It didn’t really work.

The vampire was setting itself up in the second-floor window, smiling down at Gil. “Hey,” she called. “See if you can tell when Jenny shows up.”

“Please, please, no,” Gil begged, even though she knew the vampire couldn’t hear her.

“You had your chance,” said the vampire with a nonchalant shrug. “You made your choice. That’s the way it goes.” It held a lit candle up, carefully setting the curtains ablaze.

Gil struggled hard against her ties—and after about a minute, they loosened. “Right,” she said weakly, remembering the soft, thin material of Jenny’s black dress. “Brilliant.” But time was of the essence, and she was still in a locked car. Her locked car. “Bloody brilliant.”

The fire had started to spread. The vampire held her chin up high, but Gil could see a touch of fear in her eyes. Really, it was just like Jenny to die trying to make a point, Gil thought, and felt more than a little guilty at that thought. She hesitated, studying the windshield of her Citroen, and then punched it as hard as she could, trying to call back the strength she’d had as a demon summoner in her twenties.

The glass cracked, but didn’t shatter. The vampire looked startled, as though it hadn’t expected Gil to try and destroy her own car in order to save her. Gil suddenly recalled the one time she and Jenny had washed her car in the late summer, both of them laughing and talking and drinking lemonade. She realized that whatever happened tonight, she would never be in the sunlight with Jenny again.

“Don’t,” said the vampire. There was a strange catch in its voice. “No. Roberta, don’t.”

“I-can-do-what-I-damn-please,” said Gil through gritted teeth, punctuating each word with a hard punch to the glass. At the last punch, enough of the glass shattered that she could squeeze through.

“Roberta,” said the vampire, and coughed. The fire was building. “You don’t—you’re not going to die here, okay?”

Gil pulled herself through the hole, hands bloody. She wiped them on her slacks. “Neither are you,” she said.

The vampire shook her head. “I’m dying tonight,” she said. “You’re not. I won’t let you.”

“I don’t think letting has anything to do with it,” said Gil, and took a breath before running through the doors of the building.

There was smoke. There was an intense, dizzying amount of smoke. Gil had forgotten that vampires didn’t need to breathe, and hadn’t accounted for how much smoke there might be even on the lower floor. How much fire would there be on the second floor, then, where the fire really was. For a moment, Gil was all but frozen with fear, but then she remembered what was at stake, and that was enough for her to push through and keep running.

The vampire was on the upper floor. Gil couldn’t make out her silhouette through the smoke, but she could make out the curls of flame from the burning curtains, flame that was slowly spreading across the floor.

“What, did you pour gasoline?” Gil gasped.

The vampire turned. “Get out, Roberta,” she said fiercely. “You’re not strong enough to get me out. You know that.”

Gil staggered toward the vampire’s voice and half-collided with her. She held on tight. “Come on,” she said, fierce and weak. “Come on.”

The vampire shook her head. “No,” she said quietly. “I’m not going.”

“And I’m not one for grand romantic gestures, but look where my life is at right now,” said Gil. She wasn’t sure how much of it came out audible; the smoke was making it hard to think. “Come on.”

“No,” said the vampire.

“Gil!” Buffy’s voice was audible from outside. “Gil, what are you doing? Get out of there!”

Gil made a decision. They were near the window, near enough— “I love you,” she said, and kissed the vampire before pulling it completely into her arms, holding tight. Vampire or not, Jenny was still small and easy to lift, especially when she was surprised.

Then she jumped.

She’d find out later that it was more of an undignified trip, but it still got the job done.

[toogoodmusic]

TOO GOOD TUESDAY INTERVIEW: EXES

Allie McDonald and Mike Derenzo of the indie-pop duo EXES are currently gearing up for the release of their second project Before You Go which is the follow up to their first project – an EP titled The Art of Saying Goodbye. In between the two have also released a slew of singles which is quite impressive when we learn that the two are bicoastal. And not bicoastal as in one of them is simply from the East coast and the other from the West but they actually live and create music together on separate coasts! While it may seem surprisingly (although maybe not nowadays considering technology) this separation clearly hasn’t hindered the quality of their music. Luckily, Allie and Mike took some time from their upcoming project Before You Go to answer some questions from Too Good Music. See below to find out what they say about being bicoastal, finding out that they were apart of Taylor Swift’s playlist of Songs Taylor Loves, if they’ve broken any bones and more.

TGM: What’s the story behind “Bones Break?”

MIKE: For this track, we collaborated with our drummer Peter Martin. Inspired by the constant movement of the snare drum in Dave Mathew’s “Crash Into Me” [after a viewing of Ladybird] we set out to make a contemporary version of songs we loved as teenagers. Taking in influences from Dave Matthews to Death Cab for Cutie, we tinkered away until we created "Bones Break”.

ALLIE: Lyrically, I wrote Bones Break following a difficult breakup. It was at my lowest moment that I remember thinking the heartbreak was so painful that I’d rather feel my bones break. And from there, we ran with it. It’s definitely one of our more honest and vulnerable songs, but it was important for me to tell the story. 

TGM: Have you ever broken any bones? If so, what’s the story behind it?

ALLIE: I’ve always been clumsy, awkward, and tall (so naturally far away from the ground). I’ve broken some toes and fingers just by existing. The most embarrassing was when I broke my arm from literally running into my sister.

MIKE: I’ve never broken a bone! I got stitches for the first time last month and that was enough

TGM: What’s the creative process like for you two?

ALLIE: It’s honestly different every time. Sometimes I’m sending Mike voice memo ideas in the middle of the night. Sometimes he sends me tracks that I’ll write over. Usually Mike focuses on production and I focus on lyrics and melodies, but we aren’t afraid to share ideas. We’ve been doing this for a few years now, so it’s nice to have a process that works and that we’re comfortable with. 

MIKE: I like to start the tracks with sounds that I know Allie and I both like. Once we have a grasp on what the song is going to be about I like to go back in and make sure the production matches the sentiment Allie has lyrically/melodically. I try to make sure all of the tracks are grounded in a organic space with room for contemporary flourishes and electronic touches. 

TGM: What’re the benefits of being “bicoastal?” What’re the challenges? Is there a coast that you draw more inspiration from?

ALLIE: Every time we tell people we’re bicoastal, they give us a strange look. Yes, in theory, it should be difficult, but for us, it works. We’ve been working together for so long that we don’t need to be in the same room to create songs anymore- there’s a level of trust now. I’ll take writing trips and fly back to LA every once in a while, which is definitely helpful. Mike has a better mic than me so I suppose that’s a challenge hah. Since I moved to Brooklyn in March I am honestly overwhelmed with inspiration. It’s been an interesting transition, but it’s inspired so many new EXES songs. Stay tuned.

TGM: How do you guys work through creative differences you may have about a song?

ALLIE: Like any relationship, it’s important to compromise. We don’t always have the same opinions, but I view that as a strength and not a weakness. I think that’s what makes EXES our “baby”- 50% of it is Mike’s perspective and 50% of it is mine. 

MIKE: We try to not be too precious about any particular idea and always be flexible to the others opinion. Luckily Allie is my favorite songwriter [LOL] so there haven’t been too many times we disagree! 

TGM: How did it feel knowing you were included on Taylor Swift’s list of “Songs Taylor Loves?” Where were you when you found out?

MIKE: Allie always texts me when things pop up on our Twitter. This time was a particularly urgent flurry of texts. Lots of “OMGs”, exclamations points, and definitely some “aioefdsfsdajkf” excitement gibberish lol. 

ALLIE: yes, I found out from twitter- we had fans tweeting to alert us. And yes, I definitely fangirled. I’ve been a fan of Taylor Swift for ages. It’s a cool feeling to be noticed by someone like that.

TGM: Opening for Børns and Ella Vos had to be pretty cool experiences. What was the best thing you learned from sharing a stage with them?

ALLIE: It was awesome opening for them. As a fan of both Børns and Ella Vos, I felt very lucky to share a stage with them. We learned a lot from Ella Vos as it was our first “mini” tour where we played LA and San Francisco. She’s so humble and sweet. Plus she has such a calm presence. It was honestly an unforgettable couple of shows. 

TGM: If you guys were to form a super group titled “EXES and OHS” who would you like to join your band as the “OHS?” (aka which (2) artists or musicians would you like to form a super group with?)

MIKE: We work with producer Christoph Andersson and writer/singer Jesse Epstein a ton and they have a band called JOME [who we’ve collaborated w/ before]. Jesse and Allie’s voices sound wonderful together!!!

ALLIE: I grew up playing the violin, so I’d love to collaborate with an orchestra. I realize this isn’t 2 artists, but it still remains a dream of mine- Mike and I backed by a full orchestra. That would be insane.

TGM: Which song of yours was the first to rack up a million streams? What’s it feel like having a song of yours be streamed over a million times?

ALLIE: I think it was “twentythousand”? I remember thinking it was crazy when twentythousand had 20,000 streams. It’s still very surreal to think that over a million people have heard a song that two kids made in a garage in Venice Beach. I feel very lucky. It feels very much like a dream still.

TGM: I laughed seeing your tweet where you said that when you meet a group of new people, your favorite thing to do is play who would die first in a horror movie…so between you two, who would die first in a horror movie?

ALLIE: Don’t get mad, Mike, but I think it would be you hah. I’m very into horror movies, Halloween, and true crime. I have anxiety about getting murdered, so I always have an escape plan figured out at all times. I’m also the opposite of brave so I’d never go into an isolated cabin in the woods pretty much ever. I’d probably be the girl at the beginning of the movie who warns her friends, “I don’t have a good feeling about this” and ends up staying home.

TGM: I also laughed when I saw another tweet where you said an Uber driver asked you if he could take you out to Subway and that he might be the one. If someone were to propose to you with a ring inside a Subway sandwich – what would that ideal marriage-material sandwich have on it? 

ALLIE: I’m a breakfast-for-all-3-meals-of-the-day kinda girl so I’d have to say: an everything bagel, crispy bacon, scrambled egg, and cream cheese. I know, very nutritious. I would for sure say yes.

TGM: Which music festival would be a dream to headline at? 

ALLIE: I think for me it would be Outside Lands. I’ve been once before, and I remember having the best time. The weather is always beautiful and fall-like. And it’s in one of the best cities. We haven’t played a festival yet- it’s definitely on the bucket list. Cross your fingers for us!

TGM: What can fans expect from the upcoming album, Before You Go?

ALLIE: As we’re growing, our sound is also maturing. It feels like a great next step for us. We’re still creating music based on our real life struggles, heartbreaks, fears, and joys - but the sounds and the ideas are more unique and explorative. We weren’t afraid to try new things this time around.

MIKE: GUITAR! Lol. I made a point to try and have more organic instruments across the whole project. Allie and I both grew up loving indie music and whats indie music without guitars!! We also messed around with song structure in ways we never had before. The 2nd song and 2nd to last song mirror each other structurally and really help bring home the thematic narrative of the project.

TGM: Individually, if you could only listen to (5) artists for the rest of your life, who would they be? 

ALLIE: ok, these might be a bit all over the place but: Frightened Rabbit, Regina Spektor, Phoebe Bridgers, Arctic Monkeys, and Dashboard Confessional (I’m an emo girl at heart)

MIKE: Death Cab for Cutie; Kanye West; Frank Ocean; Blink 182; Bon Iver 

TGM: What does the rest of 2018 look like for you?

MIKE: Writing more music! We just had a great writing trip in July and have another planned for October! Trying to explore more avenues of what EXES can be.

A HUGE shout-out to EXES for taking the time to answer some questions from Too Good Music. Be sure to follow along with their journey through the links below and be on the look out for the upcoming release of Before You Go!

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