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doomed-prophetess · 1 year

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Darkest derrick x og Penelope headcanon

I have a few

Penelope is attracted to men who resemble Derrick (dark haired, elder brother type, obsessive/possessive yandere) but isn't aware of it. Derrick is attracted to women who resemble Penelope and he is fucking aware of it.

she's a magnet to batshit crazy men

he never said "I love you" to her. The only time when he might have said it was when she left him behind to die. It was so out of character for him to say such a thing that she didn't turn around, because she didn't trust her ears and later she believes she might have misheard him because "I love you" are the words she yearned to hear the most.

I don't think there is any love between them. Not even a little bit. It's the relationship of an abuser with his victim. For Derrick it was only about power and control.

The strange thing about Derrick is that at times I can see him acting like he doesn't enjoy it. As if he is disgusted with Penelope even though he lusts after her. He'd wash his hands compulsively after having touched her, rinse his mouth after having kissed her, sometimes he doesn't even look at her and just looks at her reflection in the window. He'd throw away his handkerchief or any of his belongings that came into contact with her as if he was afraid he could catch an illness from her.

I don't think he likes being the one to initiate things either. He'd perceive the one who chases after love as the weaker person. So he would make her come to him. He'd give her affection in small doses just to make her realize how much she hungers for it and then turn cold and ignore her for days whenever she rejects any sexual advances. It's absolutely vile. He'd repeat that pattern until it gets to the point where she is the one knocking at his door and throwing herself at him and begging him not to tell father.

She'd have a really unhealthy view of sex. There is no association to love and intimacy. It has become something that you trade for other things. Once she has managed to escape from Derrick, when Penelope has found someone she really likes, there might be the possibility that she is truly horrified of the idea of having sex with them and thinks it could ruin their relationship. She'd push them away ("If I won't allow you to be close to me you can't be intimate with me/hurt me.") But there is also the possibility that she offers sex too quickly for basic acts of kindness. Basically she'd have very little self respect in these regards.

if Derrick gets her pregnant with a child she might try to abort it illegally (or die trying to self-abort because she has no medical knowledge) or, if it ended up looking like Derrick, murder her child after giving birth to it (and then she'd get sentenced to death for child murder or she would commits suicide beforehand shortly after she has regained her senses and regrets everything)

I can also imagine that she attempts to be a goods mother to her son or daughter and manages to raise them decently most of the time but when her child reaches a certain age (the age she was adopted into the Eckart duchy) she just can't be in the same room with them anymore because she is so so afraid that she might end up abusing them even though she never would

Derrick could be the type of yandere who keeps the corpse of their s/o and refuses to bury it

after Penelope's death Derrick starts treating Ivonne/Leila like Penelope as he gradually loses his mind and, if you want it even darker, he eventually ends up having sex with her to cope with Penelope's death. It'd be an ironic twist of fate if the original daughter of the duke in whose shadow Penelope stood, always unable to live up to her image no matter how much she tried, would turn into nothing but a fake and replacement for her. Leila would certainly have her fun to doom another soul to hell

#derrick x penelope #headcanons

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briamichellewrites · 2 months

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Mike left the sober living house and moved in with Jason. He invited his brother to come stay with him. They could ensure that they remained sober. He was given one of the numerous empty rooms. Princess was not sure about him. She remained back and watched him from a distance. Mike was initially unsure about moving in with his brother. What if things did not work out and they ended up getting in each other's way? No, they both respected each other's privacy. Having Jason around also made him feel less lonely. He was somebody he could talk to. Dave spent so much time at their house that he almost lived there.

Mike learned that Jason and Bria were not monogamous. They had an open marriage. He questioned him as to why. What was the point of getting married then? They decided to do it because he was gay. He was and always would be gay. At the same time, he was deeply in love with his wife. He had no regrets about marrying her. If he didn't, he would be sorry.

They allowed him to be with other men by opening up their marriage. To be fair, she was given the same opportunity to be with other men. It was much better than sneaking around and cheating. He respected their right to make that choice, even if he disagreed with it. He considered relationships and marriage to be monogamous. Jason respected that he held a different viewpoint. The only thing he asked was that they be truthful about everything they were doing because he loved them both. Was he planning to tell their parents? He planned to wait a while.

“I don’t want to give dad a heart attack. He has enough to deal with”, he joked.

“Yeah, it’s best that you wait. Who are you talking about: me or you?”

“Both of us. Probably more me than you.”

“Stay sober for a year and don’t fuck up again.”

“Yeah, I will. It’s not worth it anymore.”

They ran into his former "friend" while grocery shopping. He addressed him as if he would done nothing wrong. They walked over to him to avoid causing a scene. Jason asked if it was true. What was he talking about? Did he commit sexual assault on his wife? He was silent for a moment, but his face spoke volumes. Jason walked away, attempting to control his anger. When he called him out, he was about to physically attack him. They noticed him coming over.

“Our friendship is over! Don’t you dare contact me or my wife! If you do, I’ll tell the police what you did!”

Mike dragged him away. They went someplace private. He continued to take deep breaths to calm himself down. Was he okay? He gave a nod.

"I am proud of you for standing up for Bria and ending your friendship with him. He deserved to be arrested for his actions. If it had been my decision, we would have filed a report right away. But she has to make that decision. What can I do to help you?”

“I just need to catch my breath.”

After a few minutes, he was ready to proceed. I am really proud of you. Mike had no idea how much that meant to him. He was pleased with himself. They acquired a cart before discovering the first item on their list. It did not take long before they found what they were looking for.

Dave, Joe, Rob, Chester, and Brad came to look at the house. They gave them a tour after they had put their purchases away. Henry and Micha were curious and followed them around. What are you doing, humans? The guys were very impressed! Joe enjoyed the game room! He would have to have one eventually.

Mike joked that they would not see or hear from him again. The guys laughed because they knew it was true. The house had nearly everything! Jason mentioned how most of it was Bria's idea. She had everything planned in her head. Bradford inquired about the cat playroom.

“That was Bria. She wanted a place where they could go to unwind when they were overwhelmed or overstimulated. It is a big hit with the cats! If Mike and I can not find them, they are probably in here. We got Princess, her father's cat. I put her in a private room so she has her own space."

“Does she not get along with Micha or Henry”, Rob asked.

"She does not get along with anyone right now, except me. The vet says she is going through trauma, so it is best to give her time to adjust to her new surroundings."

When they entered the cat playroom, the boys ran in with excitement. Henry jumped on the jungle gym and began climbing to the top. He was up high and had a clear view of everything! They all looked up at him. He swiped his paw at Bradford's curly hair, which made them laugh. They heard meowing coming from the outside. Princess was seeking attention.

They followed Jason outside to see her. The door was open, but there was an extra-high gate in between the door frames. She had a litter box, toys, and a feeding and water bowl. They thought she was stunning in the same white coat as her nephews. Hi, humans. She gave them permission to see her. If they approached too closely, she would swipe her paw at them and hiss. Jason was the only person she felt she could trust. He was a familiar face. Dave bent over and extended his hand to her.

She sniffed it through the bars and hissed. He quickly stood up and backed up. Jason was impressed because she refused to let anyone get so close to her. It was a symbol of progress. They decided to let her be alone. The tour concluded in the studio. They took a seat in the chairs. Bradford was impressed with the set-up. Bria had a case with her awards.

The walls were adorned with blown-up photos of her albums. She had also blown up images of the band's albums, Freddie Mercury, and Bon Jovi. A sticky note in a small picture frame read, "FUCK JEFF BLUE!" Chester picked it up and presented it to them. They laughed. The gay pride flag, complete with rainbow beads, hung on the wall. Bria had completely decorated the room herself. Jason informed them that she had not finished decorating it. She still had some boxes in storage. They would have to see it once it was finished.

As Micha and Henry went about their usual business, the boys hung out. They entered to see what they were doing before leaving. Joe joked about making sure they did not get into trouble. They laughed. They came in around dinnertime, meowing for food. They all got up and entered the kitchen. The cats bolted ahead of them. Jason went to the walk-in pantry to find their food. He poured a cup into each of their bowls.

He also fed Princess. Rob joked about becoming a slave to the cats. Yes, he did. He felt his pain. They laughed. He returned to the pantry in search of dinner ingredients. While shopping, he and Mike remembered to get gluten-free food for Bria. Even though they had no idea when she was going to return home.

How long would she be in rehab? They had absolutely no idea. She had a great deal of trauma to deal with. Did they know about it? Yes, Mike told them. He nodded.

"The longer she stays in rehab, the better her chances of staying sober. Mike and I were talking about how she will not be sober forever. She will relapse repeatedly. Addiction is a disease with relapses, similar to Multiple Sclerosis or Lupus. Mike and I are more likely to stay sober than she is because our brain chemistry differs. We do not have her trauma either."

"She will relapse. You have every right to feel angry and frustrated. It is critical not to give up on her, even if it appears she is not making an effort to stay sober," Chester said.

Chester understood addiction more than anyone else because he was an addict. To cope with his parents' divorce, bullying, and sexual abuse, he turned to drugs and alcohol. He was diagnosed and treated for Complex PTSD while in rehab. He was taking medication and going to therapy. The medication provided relief for his symptoms.

He was happier without the drugs and alcohol. He became suicidal while under the influence of alcohol. He, like Bria, had a relapsing addiction. He sometimes got tired of fighting the voices in his head. He simply found it easier to drink. Even though he was constantly beating himself up for succumbing to temptation. His family became fed up with his addiction. Why could he not stay sober? He tried to explain it to them, but they were too annoyed to listen.

He sometimes felt as if he did not belong. He was simply the family screw-up. They did not understand who he was. The band welcomed him and accepted him for who he was. He would most likely die if he did not have them. They were more than just Linkin Park—they were a family. Dave wanted to talk to Jason. He needed to be open with him. He was in love with Mike, even though he enjoyed hooking up with him. He went over in his head how he was going to approach it without hurting him.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

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nataliaphantomhivesblog · 4 years

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In the end of it all, Monaca Towa was still a child.

To start this off, this isn't my usual Black Butler posts but ive been meaning to talk about Danganronpa for a hot minute, so please bear with me! Second, this is solely my opinion and before anyone wants to attack me please read thoroughly first. Thank you:)

(Spoiler warning for Danganronpa: Ultra Despair Girls and Danganronpa 3)

Also, before we dive in I'm going to list some trigger warnings:

Physcological abuse

Physical abuse

Manipulation

P*dophillia

Suicide attempt

Violence (?)

Childhood trauma

Please take care and read at your own risk<3

Hello there Danganronpa fandom! Today I will be talking about Monaca Towa (as stated in the title) and how people often minimize her trauma and sometimes forget the fact that shes still a child who got heavily manipulated by Junko too.

Monaca is seemingly very amiable and caring, because of her charming personality, all of the Warriors of Hope love her and try their best to keep her happy and go along with what she wants. However, it's slowly revealed that she is actually manipulative and cunning behind her friendly facade.

Monoca is a character that is cruel, manipulative, and extremly unhinged. Many of her actions cannot be excused or justified, but you can understand where she's coming from.

Monaca's Backstory:

She was born an unwanted child by both her father and her mother. Monaca's mother was supposed to take care of her but instead abandoned the child soon after her birth. Because of all her actions, Monaca saw her mother as a completely selfish and pathetic person. Monaca's father thought of giving her to an orphanage but instead took her into his family.

However, Monaca was always unwanted and everyone else felt uncomfortable around her. Every time Monaca smiled or joked, the others looked at her coldly, as if she didn't deserve to laugh. Every time she spoke, the others turned silent. His older-half brother thought of her as an alien, not part of the family.

She was also physically abused to the point that she pretended to be seriously wounded for them to stop as a result.

Monaca also attended Hope's Peak Elementary School and was part of the "trouble-makers class" along with Nagisa, Masaru, Jataro, and Kotoko.

Along with her fellow abused classmates, she planned a group suicide; however, Monaca never had any plans to commit suicide in the first place and was planning to let the others die as a prank.

The group suicide was stopped by Junko, who took the kids in and manipulated them by treating them with kindness and love.

Monaca then helped Junko mass produce Monokumas for the Tragedy by using her position as a representative of the Towa Group.

She lied to her father and the other adults in order to produce the Monokumas, telling them that she wanted to create futuristic robots that could be domestic helpers and emergency aid workers.

Due to her separation from the family and her genius, her family decided to give her leg room to do what she wanted as long as she brought in profits to the company, and didn't delve too deeply into her plans.

Things to keep in mind about Monoca's backstory:

She was emotionally and physically abused from a very young age.

She started to pretend to be paraplegic because she was finally treated with some kindness and she could have more control over people.

She convinced Nagisa, Jataro, Kotoko and Masaru to commit suicide.

Out of all the Warriros of Hope, Junko took the most intrest in Monoca due to her position, meaning that she was the one who got used and manipulated the most.

How Monoca's mindset works:

The moment she got physically abused to the point that she had to fake her injuries to make her family feel bad was the moment she learned that through sympathy from others comes power. Due to her families neglection and abuse, she started to quickly pick up on things in which benefited her yet hurt others.

She started to use manipulative tactics on her family to gain control over them. She then started implicating these tactics with the Warriors of Hope.

When Junko got into the picture, everything changed for the worst. Junko was the only person in Monaca's life who showed her affection. Even though deep down Monaca knew Junko only cared for her as a means to use her robotics genius for the Tragedy, Monaca didn't care, and happily helped out Junko with her plans if it meant being loved and appreciated in return. At the heart of it, despite all her horrific acts, that's a very child-like thing to do, right? So when Junko dies, Monaca's entire reason for living basically disappears.

AI Junko via Kurokuma may have planted the idea of a successor in her head, but in Monaca's mind it's a way to get her big sis back, and very specifically chooses to mold Komaru into becoming Junko's successor. That's for a big reason, Monaca doesn't want to become Junko, I'd say she actually just wanted her big sister back who would love and appreciate her again, and hence tried to make someone else take on that role initially. Once again, that's the mindset of a child.

Monaca's relationship with the Warriors of Hope:

The Warriors of Hope are a group of children who are extremely resentful and hateful of adults, regardless of whether or not they were involved in their rough paths.

We all know that the Warriros of Hope are extememly tramutized kids. Masaru had alcoholic parents who physically abused him, Jataro was physcologically abused to the point he bealived he was so ugly that if anyone saw his "repulsive" face they would die, Kotoko was r*ped multiple times by disgusting p*dophilic men (not to mention, Monaca's brother was attracted to her), and last but not least we have Nagisa who had pressuring parents who wanted to raise him as the child prodigy and expirimented on him constantly.

Monaca used the Warriros of Hope's trauma against them, manipulating them to the point were they had to do her bidding completly.

As much as I hate to say it, Monaca truly saw them as pawns. Although there are some instances where she openly declares her care for the Warriors of Hope, it's likely she does that as a form of emotional manipulation.

If anything, she probably did see them as equal in the beginning but then when she started to gain control over her own family, she started to do the same with the Warriors of Hope as a way to protect herself from getting hurt, then again this is my baseless assumption.

Her dynamic with Nagito:

Monaca was amused by Nagito's strange behavior and contradicting beliefs and appeared to be somewhat annoyed with him at the times. However, the two appeared to at least seemingly respect each other in some way, as they treated each other somewhat formally as allies.

Her dynamic with Nagito is one of the most intresting ones. Obviously I think that her being rasied by Nagito was potentially a dangerous thing, considering Nagito's goal was for Monaca to become Enoshima's successor. Monaca seemed to agree with this goal, but Nagito's constant rambling about hope and despair made Monaca bored and feel embarrassed about the whole thing.

She claims he made her an adult in a way, as she grew up in the mental sense and became more cynical and apathetic, not really caring about anything.

In the end, Monaca found Nagito creepy and annoying, but she also appeared to get closer to him during their time together, while originally calling him just "Mister Servant" in UDG, she later refers to him as "Big Bro" in Danganronpa 3. I do think their dynamic was sort of soft and I would've loved to have seen more of it. Honestly the concept of Nagito being a soft brother to Monaca warms my heart, and the wasted potential will forever anger me.

(If any Danganronpa fanfic writer or any writer in general is reading this post: if u could be so kind and do a PLATONIC Nagito and Monaca prompt and tag me in it, I would love you forever!!)

My opinion on Monaca:

I think that Monaca was a very well-written character who deserved more than what she got in the end of Danganronpa 3. She was abused, mistreated and belittled by her family. If anything, I see her as a completely misguided little girl. If she actually had a positive authoritative influence in her life, she wouldn't have turned astray.

A lot of people disregard Monaca's trauma and forget that at the end of the day, Monaca was a child who the moment she was born, the people who were supposed to love her were unwelcoming.

Don't get me wrong though, there is no way in hell I will ever justify or condone the things Monaca has done. If anything, I just think that she alongside the rest of the Warriors of Hope should've been properly taken care of.

Also, if you dislike/hate Monaca thats 100% valid! She did a lot of inexcusable things and its alright to hate on her. I personally love her character but I know she is not everyones cup of tea.

If you read all the way, I'm actually surprised! Thank you and I hope you enjoyed<333

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sagefzy · 3 years

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PART FOUR: POPCORN AND GREEN TEA

perfectionism | prev | next

You tapped your foot on the pavement, anxious to finally meet the eyes of your old friend. The feeling of excitement was almost overwhelming all your senses, the only thing you could focus on was the plain, faded brown door in front of you. Quickly, you sent Suna a text to let him know of your arrival, however in the corner of your eye, you suddenly noticed two figures approaching. You shrugged it off, thinking that it was just two guys passing by on a walk, but rather than walking past the house, they stepped up the driveway slowly drawing near you.

Hearing Ennoshita's words in your mind about being aware of your surroundings, you discreetly glanced back observing the two. But, much to your surprise, it was the exact two guys who bombarded you at the supermarket yesterday. Well, actually, more like the one blond who smashed a shopping cart into your heel, blubbering apologies and looking away, while the other one stood there and watched the whole incident play out.

You watched them for what seemed like forever. Could they possibly be Suna's friends? No, the whole thing seemed too coincidental, surely that couldn't be the case. Not willing to take the chance, you took out your phone once more in hopes to get Suna to clarify that those were, indeed, not his friends. Unfortunately for you, it appeared that the universe had decided to make you a pawn in its game because the two of them were, indeed, his friends.

You let out a heavy sigh, you could already tell that the next few hours would be nothing but awkward stares and embarrassing conversations. Not wanting to ruin your one day of freedom- the one day where you didn't have to listen to your dad's constant yells, telling you how much of a disappointment you are- the one day where you didn't have to sit in front of the piano all day just to feel some sort of gratification. It was then that you decided to just ignore the situation, and pretend as if the blond wasn't the reason that the back of your foot was wrapped in a bandage. For all Suna knew, this was you guys' first encounter, so be it.

Right as the door opened, your eyes were drawn to the tall green-eyed boy who you used to spend every day with as a young kid. "Y/N, so glad you're here!" Suna smiled, as he went in for a quick hug. "Those two behind you are Atsumu and Osamu." He introduced, pointing to the two that were now directly behind you. The blond looked absolutely horrified, stealing brief glimpses at the bandage that hugged your heel, the other one, however, stared back with a nonchalant smile. "They may have almost the same face, but the one with the ugly piss-colored hair is Atsumu, and the normal looking one is Osamu."

You grinned back at the two, showcasing your brightest smile, hoping that they'd get the message to not bring up the fact that this was not your first encounter. You were going to introduce yourself to the two, but the blond seemed to beat you to cut. "How come Samu is the normal one?" He whined.

Suna snickered, "Because Osamu doesn't act like a dramatic brat who needs his hand held every damn second of the day."

Suna's blunt words made you softly chuckle, there was something in friendly banter that just made it so pure and innocent. You looked up at the two, noticing that the blond's expression had softened after hearing your giggles. With the brief moment of silence at hand, you decided to take this as the moment to introduce yourself. "I'm Y/N, it's nice to meet you Atsumu and Osamu."

"Well now that we got introductions out of the way, why don't we go inside and find something to do," Suna suggested.

"Rinny, can we watch a movie?" You asked excitedly. The last time you had watched a movie was when you hung out with Nishinoya, Tanaka, and Ennoshita before leaving Miyagi, and your dad hardly ever let you engage in anything other than school work or piano, making it a rare treasure.

Suna nodded, "Watching a movie it is."

As all of you entered the house, you couldn't help but hear the blond, Atsumu mutter to his brother, "If I called 'm Rinny I think he'd punch me on the spot."

A smile quickly reappeared on your face as you heard his brother respond, "I don't know, I'll give ya one thousand yen to put it to the test."

"No, I think I'll choose life," He giggled.

You found your way to the couch and swiftly pulled out your phone, eager to let your friends know your current situation. The whole scene sounded like something straight out of a book.

You clicked your phone off and turned your attention to the aroma that seemed to be emerging from the kitchen. The familiar scent, caramel popcorn and green tea, jogged an almost forgotten memory of your childhood. An unlikely duo, yet even as a child you couldn't get enough of the weird combination. No one would've ever thought to put the two together, but it just worked.

You almost laughed at the sight. Suna walked out of the kitchen juggling three bowls of caramel popcorn, three bottles of energy drinks, and, of course, your mug of green tea. Since he had such little grace, you got up and lent a helping hand. "No, no you're my guest and you're injured go sit back down," Suna scolded.

"Well it's too late, I'm already here, so I'll just take some of that off your hand," You said while grabbing the mug of tea and the three energy drinks. You walked over to the twins and handed them each their bottle.

"Say what happened to yer foot over there?" Osamu asked with a smirk on his face.

"Oh yeah you never told me what you did to your foot, Y/N," Suna added as he placed the remaining bowls on the side table.

"It's not a big deal I just scraped myself with glass while unpacking," You blurted. You hoped that the lie was convincing enough, but to be honest, scraping yourself with glass sounded way more believable than being run over with a shopping cart.

"I see, sorry to hear that," Osamu responded in an almost surprise-like manner. You thought that maybe he expected you to call out his brother, however you decided to stick with your initial decision of ignoring the situation to save your night from awkwardness. His expression only got more surprised as he realized the unusual food combination you were eating. For only eating caramel popcorn with green tea, he looked as if you were committing a crime against food.

"Green tea with caramel popcorn?" He asked.

With no shame you nodded your head. "Don't knock it until you try it, it's my favorite combo in the world. I can never get enough of it."

Suna sighed, "Yeah, it's no use to convince her otherwise it's been more than a solid seven years since i last saw her and she still likes it."

The night ended almost as quickly as it started. Although you were initially worried about it being awkward, your worries were soon rested once Osamu started explaining his love of cooking. You both talked endlessly about all sorts of sweets and savory foods you both enjoyed indulging in. However, his twin, on the other hand, barely talked as he aimlessly played around with his phone.

Your eyes noticed the time on the nearby clock, the numbers displaying that it was near midnight. Your stomach instantly knotted, if your dad wasn't asleep, you for sure were going to get an ear full when you arrived home. You picked up your phone, and smiled at Suna and Osamu who's chest softly rose up and down as they slept.

You stood up quietly, getting Atsumu's attention. You didn't expect him to do or say anything since he'd been quite dull the entire night, but it seemed like this was a night of surprises. "Yer not planning to go all the way to the bus stop by yerself now are ya?" He asked.

"Well I'm not waking either of them so they can escort me if that's what you're asking," you responded "But, you're more than welcome to join me if it'll put your mind at ease." You fully expected him to not care, however he grabbed his jacket next to him and stood up, walking over to where you stood by the front door.

He quietly opened the door, careful to not make a creaking noise. "After you," He said as he directed you out of the house. The crisp winter air hit your face, your whole body jolted from the sudden change of temperatures. "Don't suppose yer cold now?" He asked, probably noticing your shivering. You replied by shaking your head and continued on the trail to the bus stop.

The rest of the walk was mostly silent, neither one of you knowing what to say. This was definitely uncharacteristically of Atsumu, anyone who'd even slightly know him would expect him to be chatting your ear off with overdramatized commentary. However, things seemed to be different in this situation, there was an eerie feeling about you that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Of course, it didn't help that your first encounter with him was him, in fact, running a shopping cart into you, but it wasn't just that. Maybe it was the way you presented yourself, in an almost sickening sweet-like manner. It all felt artificial, like a facade.

"Well this is it," you said, snapping him out of his thoughts, "Just in time for the last bus, thanks for walking with me." You turned around to enter the vehicle but before you could, a hand made its way to your arm. You immediately flinched at the contact, pulling away at the light hold he had on you.

"I'm sorry I just- i um," He started, trying to find a way to word what he wanted to say. "I wanted to say that 'm sorry for yesterday, it was kind of a shitty thing to do, and 'm also sorry for not really talking all that much today, ya seem really nice and I'm usually not this bad when it comes to meeting new people. And, I totally ruined the night by ignoring you I-"

You lightly laughed, "It's alright, plus any friend of Rin's, is a friend of mine, and you didn't ruin tonight at all, I thought it was perfect." You both smiled back at each other, not saying anything for a moment. You cleared your throat, "Um, I'll see you around, have a good night, Atsumu."

He watched as you entered the bus. A small smile made it on his face as he watched you wave goodbye from the bus window. He waved back and muttered under his breath, "Good night, Y/N."

The bus ride was only about ten minutes. Anxiously, you opened the door to your house, hoping that by some miracle your dad would be sound asleep. The old door slightly creaked, you peaked inside and all your worries flushed away as you saw your dad passed out on the couch. Granted he was passed out drunk, at least that's what you gathered by the four bottles of empty beer that laid at his feet.

Even for you, life wasn't as perfect as it seemed. As much as you wanted it to be, as much as you led people on to think that it was, it just wasn't. The worst part of it was that deep down, you felt accountable for it all. Maybe if you would've been just a little better at piano, you could've achieved your perfect life.

You reached your bedroom and exhaustedly plopped down on your bed. You glanced at the picture of your mother on your bedside table. Her long hair glided down her lavender dress, her face gleaming with a smile. In one hand she held her violin and the other held an award deeming her the best violinist in the nation. She was talented, beautiful, intelligent, and made your dad happy. She was absolutely everything you weren't, and your dad made sure to remind you everyday.

Life before she died was perfect. You could never recall a memory of you being sad around her. Before you closed your eyes, you whispered, "I wish I was perfect like you."

fun facts !

Whenever Atsumu doesn't know how to address a situation, he just goes on his phone and plays angry birds.

If you're ever bored, Osamu will talk forever about all the different ways you can cook the same recipe.

Suna can never stay awake during a movie night, he always falls asleep somehow.

Before getting into volleyball, the twins' mother tried to get them into violin, however that quickly failed once Atsumu broke his bow on the second day of lessons.

perfectionism ©

smau written by @sagefzy

tagist: open just send an ask :)

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sagewritesmore · 3 years

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PART FOUR: POPCORN AND GREEN TEA

perfectionism | prev | next

wc: 2108

Suna snickered, "Because Osamu doesn't act like a dramatic brat who needs his hand held every damn second of the day."

"Well now that we got introductions out of the way, why don't we go inside and find something to do," Suna suggested.

Suna nodded, "Watching a movie it is."

As all of you entered the house, you couldn't help but hear the blond, Atsumu mutter to his brother, "If I called 'm Rinny I think he'd punch me on the spot."

A smile quickly reappeared on your face as you heard his brother respond, "I don't know, I'll give ya one thousand yen to put it to the test."

"No, I think I'll choose life," He giggled.

You found your way to the couch and swiftly pulled out your phone, eager to let your friends know your current situation. The whole scene sounded like something straight out of a book.

"Say what happened to yer foot over there?" Osamu asked with a smirk on his face.

"Oh yeah you never told me what you did to your foot, Y/N," Suna added as he placed the remaining bowls on the side table.

"Green tea with caramel popcorn?" He asked.

With no shame you nodded your head. "Don't knock it until you try it, it's my favorite combo in the world. I can never get enough of it."

Suna sighed, "Yeah, it's no use to convince her otherwise it's been more than a solid seven years since i last saw her and she still likes it."

He watched as you entered the bus. A small smile made it on his face as he watched you wave goodbye from the bus window. He waved back and muttered under his breath, "Good night, Y/N."

Life before she died was perfect. You could never recall a memory of you being sad around her. Before you closed your eyes, you whispered, "I wish I was perfect like you."

fun facts !

Whenever Atsumu doesn't know how to address a situation, he just goes on his phone and plays angry birds.

If you're ever bored, Osamu will talk forever about all the different ways you can cook the same recipe.

Suna can never stay awake during a movie night, he always falls asleep somehow.

Before getting into volleyball, the twins' mother tried to get them into violin, however that quickly failed once Atsumu broke his bow on the second day of lessons.

perfectionism ©

smau written by @sagefzy

taglist: open just send an ask :)

@shephard17895 @art-junkie-13 @vhsryuu @qualitygiantshoepsychic @everytimeswift @kritiiiii

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lovethisletters · 4 years

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I miss you

Idk how to even start this except for: I'm so SO SO sorry @melyaliz thank u for being so patient with me 😖💕✨ this year has been hard for all of us, online school is much more difficult than I initially expected but I would keep trying my best! Hopefully you will grant me the possibility of keep writing this amazing characters of yours even though your experience with me as a writer hasn't been the greatest :c , then again thank you for your patience, happy holidays! And happy new year! Hopefully this will be a better year for all of us. 💕✨

Faith is @melyaliz OC!

It started a few weeks ago, his obsession. Tim had been trying to get information regarding Black Mask's newest plan.

—I trust you, Tim— were Bruce's last words before leaving to attend urgent matters with the Justice League, this time in space.

And since then, he worked more diligently than ever before: going undercover and placing microphones and trackers at locations in the false-face society, interrogating thugs, hours glued to his computer trying to figure something out.

While this behavior was not unusual for Tim, Faith began to worry ... call it a hunch, perhaps a gut feeling but something told her this would not end well; however, she tried to bury it and pretend that it was simply her usual concern for Tim's habits and that once it was all over, things would calm down.

But the end was only the true beginning of things.

That night Tim was in the Batcave as usual, and the rest of the family were preparing to patrol, when they suddenly heard a scream of anger and frustration.

—No! No! No! Fuck you!—

Silence invaded the mansion and was only interrupted by the sound of Batmobile's tires screeching and running at full speed.

—What's the deal with him? —Damian (already in his Robin suit) asked while trying to look through out the window, but the vehicle was already long gone.

Faith wasted no time and sprinted towards the Batcave.

And there it was, on the screen of the Batcomputer a giant, green, question mark. Riddler.

In the morning the news reported Riddler's arrest at the hands of Red Robin but it wasn't until 4 days later that Tim returned to the mansion; Physically he was fine but his ego and self-confidence was beyond bruised after what had happened and the information he managed to gather from Riddler's lair:

Tim's efforts had been all in vain, Riddler had caught up to Black Mask's suspicious activity recently and also to the fact that Batman seemed to have disappeared, so he devised a plan, surprisingly alongside Cobblepot in a deal (the details of which Tim was unaware) that seemed beneficial to both. Riddler started a little investigation on his own trying to find blackmail material ... until ... he hit the jackpot. One of his undercover henchmen had been interrogated by Tim alerting Riddler of Red Robin conducting an investigation as well, so ... He did a little digging and found out that Red Robin had been longer in this. So why not just take it? That night Tim had unveiled the last piece of the puzzle in Black Mask's plans, when suddenly, in the blink of an eye, the computer started to go crazy, sending every piece of information to (apparently ... but not really ) different directions ending with the screen showing the infamous green question mark.

Out of frustration Tim tracked down Riddler, throwed him on blackgate, recovered most but not all the stolen information and piced it all together.

He felt enraged, stupid, mocked, useless. Why haven't he realized about Riddler spying on him? He was foolish! The safety of the Batfamily could have been in danger have he been even more careless than he already was! His brothers, His mentor, His family ... His beloved Faith ... he had disappointed them all.

Everything went down hill from there.

His bad self-destructive habits went from 60 to 1000, He talked, ate and slept much MUCH less and although various family members had tried to converse with him, they were simply ignored, including Faith.

At least 2 hours had passed, she watched; his fingers danced fleetingly and aggressively on the keyboard, his green eyes glued to the monitor, he hadn't looked at her even once since she entered the room so she wondered if he even knew she was there.

—Tim, you haven't eaten anything ... wanna go whit us at belly burger? Dick said is his treat! —Her tone was slow and gentle trying not to disturb him.

—I'm good, you go — He wasn't ... He was getting thinner, and to be honest he didn't even remember if he had eaten that day or the day before.

—Then ... you want us to bring you something? anything? —She insisted but only got silence as a response.

In other situations, Faith would have been a little bit more aggressive with his approach: nagging him a little, blocking his view of the computer by standing in front of it or even carrying him out of his room making him blush wildly; but this time was different. Faith could tell how much the words Bruce said before leaving meant to him. Normally Bruce would put Dick or Jason in charge of situations like this (because he knew how "diligent" Tim could be with himself), but ... this time he trusted Tim to handle it; I have tried harder than ever before, but by concentrating on one thing he had forgotten to see the big picture. He felt like a failure, unworthy and she knew it.

She knew him better than anyone, better than himself, she could practically feel his pain.

Faith always knew about Tim's self-esteem issues. He always tried to hide them, he didn't like to see himself as vulnerable, especially having the responsibility of a vigilante life, but she learned about them since the beginning of their relationship: He was so nervous to talk to her, make extra efforts on their dates and once she heard him confess to Jason: "How can someone so beautiful actually like me?" Jason had laughed and mocked him by saying "I was wondering the same" in his eyes it was only a joke but this small comment made Tim even more insecure about his blossoming relationship. Faith noticed ... He was a people pleaser, always complying with everyone else's request in fear of being left alone, with her it was no different, several times Tim agreed to Faith's wishes even if he wasn't all that ... excited about them: like that time they went cave-diving ... it was a mess ... So in their next date Faith asked "What do YOU wanna do?" he said "Whatever you want is fine" but she wasn't having it, a relationship is mutual and she wanted him to know that "Nope, this time you pick!"

And it evolved from there: She being patient with him, letting him know that he did not have to comply with all his suggestions as if they were orders and that having limits is fine and him being gentle and understanding with her, letting her know that she could trust him with everything.

And now ... they felt just so far appart ... like he was no longer by her side.

But she wasn't going to give up that easily ... she was stubborn and he had told her millions of times that he adored that about her.

Tim flinched a little when he felt her arms gently circling his waist, his chin resting on her head before he gave a chaste kiss to her tousled curls and let out a small sigh.

—Timothy. Jackson. Drake ... I miss you — People tend to forget how much simple and straight forward words can make you feel, long and tiring speeches can bury the feelings we are so desperately trying to convey, so when Tim heard those words ... He understood, he understood how distant he has been from her, how much she had waited for him, patiently and understanding of his feelings.

—I-I-I'm sorry ... Faith-

He could only return the hug from his chair, allowing himself to cry, taking out all his frustration as she stroked his hair moving him closer to his chest so that he could listen to his heart and regulate his breathing to the rhythm of it, preventing Tim from starting to hyperventilate.

—I'm sorry ... I'm sorry, please forgive me, please ...— He wouldn't stop apologizing profusely, like he had committed the worst of crimes.

—It's okay, love ... I'm always here for you — She said, taking his face in her hands, wiping away his tears gently with her thumb like he had done with her a thousand times before.

—I will always be here for you ...

Me again! As an apology for taking so long and as a gift for the holidays here is this:

#fics #batfam #batfamily #faith o'neal #tim drake x oc #tim drake imagine

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the-trashy-phoenix · 3 years

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Supernatural season 6 review (part 2)

Link to part 1:

Irene and I have already finished watching season 6 and I have mixed feelings on it. I immediately noticed the difference between this season and the previous ones, and I think it's not necessarily a bad thing, although probably the whole season can't compete with the previous two. All in all I didn't mind it at all, despite it definitely not being my favorite season, because it contains some new elements that add depth to the characters.

It starts with Dean trying to live a normal life with Lisa and Ben, after he promised it to Sam, but we can immediately see that, despite being a good life and him being fine with them, he feels that he's missing something, and that something, more than it being a life as a hunter (because Dean already said before he would have liked to retire), I think is his brother's presence. Dean's attempt to live with a family is destroyed by the moment Sam miraculously reappears in his life, along with a number of new family members, the Campbells (including their mother's father Samuel, killed years earlier by the yellow-eyed demon), who doesn't seem to particularly like Dean (and the feeling is mutual) and who keeps the purpose of their monsters (and the alphas of each species) hunts a secret from the brothers.

The first and I think most important mystery of the season comes when Sam admits he doesn't know how he got out of the cage and especially when Dean realizes that his brother has changed drastically. I feel like this season, much more than the others, is shown particularly from Dean's point of view from the very beginning (as we see what his life is like without Sam) and so we find out with him as the season goes on what is the next situation he (with his brother) will have to deal with, since it's not clear as it usually is, indeed one of the things that makes this season particularly different from the others is that we don't immediately know who's the villain to defeat. The first problem is finding out who brought Sam and Samuel back, although it seems to worry Dean mostly than anyone else.

Another problem is added when, on episode 06x03, Castiel (called by Dean after many attempts from Sam, who soon finds out Dean's try actually works because of his brother and the angel's "profound bond") informs the brothers that there is a civil war in heaven and that he is fighting Raphael, who wants to take control of the angels and restart the Apocalypse, considering that the plans did not go as the angels would have liked. Castiel is rather mysterious and secretive about the war and the brothers don't know much more about it, considering they focus more on their individual cases and Sam's situation.

I have noticed that the brothers often tend to focus on their problems rather than giving importance to the others' as well. They don't seem too willing to help Castiel (though he doesn't seem willing to be helped) and even when they know Bobby made a deal with Crowley they don't try to fix it. Their attitude emerges especially in episode 06x04, in which we see everything from Bobby's point of view and discover many sides of him that until now we did not know. The episode shows how Bobby behaves during his typical days and we can immediately notice how many things the man does both for himself (in case of finding a way to untie the deal with Crowley), but also for other people (like Rufus, his friend who's also a hunter we've seen already multiple times before and whom I'm pretty fond of), and especially for the Winchesters, who call him for whatever problem they have during a case and for which he wastes hours of his day. They don't pay him back with much and Bobby finally makes them realize how selfish and self-centered they are. The two then help Bobby and the man manages to recover his soul. In addition to his altruism, I also appreciate Bobby's efficiency: he manages to get his soul back in an episode, while the Winchesters can't do it even with a season available.

Going back to episode 06x03 we meet Balthazar, an angel who initially seems to be against Castiel and the Winchesters, but who we discover, as the episodes continue, that he is on the side of "team free will", as he helps them multiple times. I hated when Castiel killed him, since he is one of my favorite angels, both because of his personality and because, despite appearing to be the usual indifferent angel, he actually cares about the cause of the protagonists (and thanks to him we have one of the funniest episodes of Supernatural, 06x15, in which Sam and Dean are catapulted into "our reality" and take the place of the actors who play them, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, continuing that strand of metanarrative and bringing it to the next level of fun, since at this point this episode isn't just making fun of the Supernatural storyline, but also of the show and the actors themselves).

Dean, from episode 06x03 and as others go by, realizes that there's something wrong with Sam, since he seems more cold and heartless than ever, the feeling is fortified when he thinks Sam purposely let a vampire bite him so that he could find out who the vampire's alpha was and where he was (in order to bring him to Samuel). The transformation (that Dean thinks is definitive) leads him to want to say goodbye one last time to Ben and Lisa (with whom he had previously made a deal that allowed him to continue hunting with his brother, who needed him, and return to the two as soon as he could). Being a vampire, he tries to stay as far away from the two as possible, but loses control and throws Ben to the wall, running away soon after. Because of this episode Lisa breaks up with him and Dean, as much as he's hurt, realizes that it is better to get away from his family, to prevent them from being in danger. As much as I love Dean with Castiel, I like Dean with Lisa a lot too. It is probably due to the fact that he has a normal life with her (and I love seeing a domestic Dean), that I like Lisa's personality and that he manages to be a good father figure to Ben (we can see he's quite good with kids even in episode 06x02, when Sam and Dean have to deal with a baby shape-shifter). I hated seeing in episode 06x21, after Crowley captured Lisa and Ben, Dean deciding to erase their memories and going away from them permanently. I felt like the whole situation needed more closure. Back to episode 06x05, he manages to return human at the end of the same episode, but the feeling that Sam has a problem only intensifies when he realizes his brother was smiling as the vampire bit him.

One of the things I've enjoyed the most this season is definitely Sam's status and Dean's emotions about it. He finds himself in a position where he doesn't know how to trust his brother (and in the meantime he also has to endure the breakup with Lisa, which Sam seems to just pretend to care about). He's sure Sam has a problem in episode 06x06, where Sam in front of the goddess of truth manages to keep lying, so she yells at him that he's not human, shocking Dean. After defeating the goddess, Sam confesses everything: he has let him be vampirized and he knows there's something wrong with him, although he doesn't know what it is. Thanks to Castiel in episode 06x07 they discover Sam was brought back without his soul, which is still in the cage with Lucifer.

I love soulless Sam, especially for the new dynamics between the brothers, among whom Dean is now the one most responsible and empathetic, and for Sam's indifference to any human emotion (for example in the episode, in which Dean is kidnapped by "aliens" and Sam seems to be totally serene about it). Of course Dean wants to recover Sam's soul, while Sam does not seem particularly concerned about his lack and, on the contrary, believes that soulless he is a better hunter (and, since Castiel points out that all that time in the cage with Lucifer has most likely damaged Sam's soul irreparably, he's not even convinced it's good to have it back). As true as this may be, soulless Sam seems to become more and more dangerous and Dean finds himself looking for an extreme solution: thanks to Death he manages to recover Sam's soul and separate his memories in hell from the rest of his soul with a wall.

Sam returns with his soul, but without the memories of the last year, so he gradually discovers all the horrible things he has committed without a soul: he is shocked and feels very guilty, even if his brother tries to convince him that that was not really him and that therefore he should not feel responsible. I don't know why but I particularly love the relationship between the two brothers after Sam recovers his soul: first of all you can see the huge difference between soulless Sam and the Sam that we all know and love (I think his emotions and sensations emerge exponentially now, and as much as I liked him without his soul, this shift made me love the "normal" Sam even more), second of all there's a feeling of protection and understanding from Dean and Sam respectively, which leads me to think that they matured even more after the end of season five (in fact I was particularly surprised to see that Sam didn't seem upset by the fact that Dean didn't immediately tell him what had happened to him). Although this situation seems momentarily overcome (even if Dean is afraid that the wall will sooner or later break) the Winchesters have to face two other unsolved problems.

The first one is Crowley, who, once he becomes king of hell, we discover wanting to find Purgatory (to expand his kingdom). We also find out Samuel is working for him by capturing monsters that would eventually tell him how to reach the place (and he's doing it because Crowley promised he would bring Mary back as a reward). If Dean's esteem for his grandfather was already low, this new information gives him the opportunity to completely separate from him and the new relatives, realizing that he doesn't always need to have a family connection if there's one of blood. His grandfather's last misstep comes when, while Sam and Dean, with the help of Castiel and Meg (who wants Crowley dead as much as they do), he misleads them and imprisons them at Crowley's behest. The team manages to break free and Castiel appears to be able to kill Crowley once and for all. The Winchesters meet their grandfather during a hunt in which he dies, as does Rufus. The difference between the reactions to Samuel and Rufus' death is obvious, underlining the further difference between a family formed by blood bonding and a family born by love. I think the introduction of the new relatives, apart from to deepen the concept of family, was rather useless, created more to add mystery to the whole Sam affair than anything else.

The second problem concerns the Mother-of-all-things, Eve, who managed to get out of Purgatory and bring with her a series of monsters, intending to take revenge on Crowley for trying to appropriate Purgatory and the soul of its monsters (of which Eve is the mother). I didn't love this villain that much, it seemed to me introduced rather hastily and without any anticipation, moreover, in comparison to everything that was there before her, Eve seems rather weak, in fact Dean manages to kill her all in all pretty quickly.

On the other hand, I'm glad she was a passing villain and she died already in the episode 06x19 because that gave the brothers and Bobby the opportunity to find out that what Crowley really wants is souls, that he will get them by opening Purgatory and that he's actually still alive. We soon find out that all the unresolved things (like what concerns Crowley, the war in heaven and Sam's soul) leads to one character only: Castiel. I think this revelation is the best (and saddest) part of season six of Supernatural. At the end of episode 06x19 we already see Bobby and Sam suspecting that Castiel is hiding something from them, as it seems impossible that he failed to kill Crowley. The only one who can't even think Castiel would do such a thing is Dean (too blind because of his love for him).

In the next episode, 06x20, which has to be one of my favourite Supernatural episodes ever, everything starts to make sense, since it's all narrated by Castiel. After defeating Lucifer, he retrieved Sam from the cage with enormous difficulty (unintentionally leaving his soul there) and returned to heaven, discovering that Raphael would start a new Apocalypse. He decided to oppose him, although he did not know how to do it, so he initially thought to ask Dean for help, even if he wanted to leave him alone. Indeed, when Crowley proposed to him a deal to access purgatory and share the souls with which they would both strengthen (and Castiel would do it so much he could defeat Raphael), the angel accepted, and since he knows the boys will not like knowing he's made a deal with the king of hell, he doesn't tell them, carrying out the plan with Crowley on his own. As much as I understand Castiel's reasons for working with Crowley, I think he handled the whole situation in the worst possible way and it now seems like a hallmark of the Winchester family choosing to hide their secrets rather than get help from others. Throughout the episode all the tracks seem to trace back to the idea that Castiel is collaborating with Crowley, but Dean continues to trust the angel, trying to defend him in every way.

I think from this episode we can see a further change in the relationship between Dean and Cas: betraying the Winchesters is the last thing the angel would like to do and Dean would rather not see all the evidence that leads to Castiel's betrayal than to admit his best friend has plotted behind his back, because that would be the thing that would hurt him the most. When the Winchesters and Bobby find out by Castiel's mistake that he's been spying on them, Dean realizes he should deal with the fact that his best friend has betrayed him and so he calls him to confront him.

This is probably the saddest scene in this episode: when the Winchesters and Bobby trap him, he continues to look for excuses, until Dean asks him to look him in the eyes and tell him he's not cooperating with Crowley. At that point Castiel can no longer lie, but tries to show the others his point of view, which the three of them do not share and condemn heavily enough. I understand that in this case they have the right to feel betrayed by Castiel, but this is not the first time someone has kept something hidden from the others (it happens literally all the times) and that someone has worked with Crowley (they did it just on the previous season), so it seems to me a bit of a hypocritical attitude to be so upset with Castiel, since the angel has done nothing but help them from the moment he sided with them, while they haven't even tried to help him with the angels' war. Indeed I think they should have found a sort of compromise to resolve the situation in the best of the ways, instead of hindering each other. But I think Dean is mostly hurt by all of Castiel's lies and the fact that he totally fell for it rather than the betrayal itself, so, knowing him, that would have been the hardest thing to do. In my opinion the whole episode focuses on Dean and Castiel's feelings the most, to a point which it almost touches a romantic level, and that scene is the icing on the cake (is it because of the scene, and the script, itself or of Dean and Castiel's intense, longing and hurtful stares? We'll probably never find out, but I love to suffer with them).

In the last two episodes we can see the consequences of the previous episode: after trying to convince Castiel that opening the doors of purgatory was a bad idea and failing miserably, Dean understands that all he can do is hinder him. We can also see the difference between the two brothers, as Sam is more willing to interact with Cas, meanwhile Dean doesn't seem to want to deal with him anymore (even when he should ask him for help to find Lisa and Ben, although in episode 06x21 Dean asks Castiel one last favour, which is to erase Lisa and Ben's memories).

Castiel, on the other hand, tries multiple times to convince Dean (and the others) to trust him with his plan. They can't, so when they try to stop him the angel has to intervene. While I could justify Castiel actions until 06x20, I couldn't after that: after returning from the death and assuming it was God who brought him back, he started to believe what he was doing, making his own choices, was right. So far I couldn't agree more with him, but this security has turned into arrogance and Castiel seems to realize this, as episode 06x20 ends with a desperate demand for an answer from God, since he doesn't know if he's on the right path anymore. Despite these insecurities in the last episode, 06x22, he completes the plan, depriving Crowley of his half of the souls and blocking the Winchesters by breaking the wall in Sam's mind. I understand he didn't know how else to stop them, but until the previous episode he wouldn't want anyone to lay a finger on the Winchesters, so that seems kinda hypocrite. Despite that, Dean and Bobby tries to find Castiel and Crowley before it's too late, but when they find the demon, on Raphael's side, once he found out that Castiel would not comply with the plan, the angel comes back already full of souls and power, after tricking Crowley and completing the plan on his own, and finally kills Raphael. Season six ends with Sam that somehow has reached them, despite being fresh of memories of the time he spent with Lucifer in the cage, with Castiel believing he's the new God (and having all the powers to do so) and with Bobby and Dean knowing the next problem will be how to stop Castiel before he causes another disaster.

I think this season has a lot of great elements, like soulless Sam and the plot twist around Castiel, but also many weaknesses, like the Campbells and the enemies like Eve and Raphael, who in my opinion didn't make such an impact, making Castiel certainly the most interesting villain.

I already know what will happen to Castiel and the boys, but watching them like that always breaks my heart.

- Carly 💚

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ziracona · 4 years

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me: about to start a trial in dbd. my cat: Lays on my hands. me: ok nvm i guess. Ty for answering my michael ask. Hope it didn't come across as me saying "does this go away" and more "does he find out ways to manage his symptoms better?". So. What made him change his mind about listening to the voices in the later chapters? ALSO. Do Frank and Julie hesitate from interacting with the survivors out of guilt? or just because They're Like That. Does this ever change? - Sleepy

Lol, cats be like that. And np!

Hmmm, Michael—apologies if some of these things weren’t as self-evident as I thought they were in-fic :’-) — So! For him, it was a combination of several things. DbD Michael has had years of isolation and suffering to ruminate, and the only source of familiarity or anything that’s not a blanket negative in his life for all those years has been Laurie. He’s never hated her. He used to love her. As an adult, his motivation for killing her was never anger; it was just the price the voices told him they needed for him to be left alone in peace, which is all he really wanted and has been desperate for for years. But like, a couple decades of hunting in the realm were not pelasant for him. He hated being trapped there, and eternally unable to accomplish anything. It was hell. Laurie wasn’t exactly a source of community, but she was literally the only thing in the whole realm that he had any connection to at all. And once she started talking to him, that kind of did a lot. I mean, no one since he was a small child has even spoken to him by name outside of Loomis, who calls him ‘it’ and a demon as much as anything else. He’s starved for recognition and connection and affection, whether he’s aware of it or not, and he does remember Laurie. She’s like, one of the only good memory sources he has of his entire life. He liked her, they were happy as kids. Once she recognised official who he was and started talking to him about being her brother, it was confusing, because no one had treated him like a person—much less a person they were even as positively disposed towards as ‘sad’ or ‘conflicted’—since he was six. He’d never been offered any version of the future besides the one the voices and Loomis carved out for him and threw at his face every day. In Family Matters, Laurie tells him he’s supposed to protect her, and that they look the same when she sees him without the mask, and that he should keep it off because he’s so much less scary without it while she’s dying, and I think more than anything he just doesn’t know how to feel about all that. Laurie has been with him for years and never done it. In fact nobody has ever treated him like this before, and it’s nice just kind of universally to be liked or shown affection and familiarity or kindness, and it’s completely alien to him, but it’s not bad, and it’s the first not bad experience in decades, so he’s confused and it’s odd, but he also wants to hear more and tries to not kill her so she can talk more—tries to shake her shoulder to wake her back up—but it’s too late by then and she bleeds out. I think Dwight mentions later in a different chapter that even though Michael kills Laurie within a few minutes, he’s gone the entire trial until the very end. It’s because he spent the rest of that time trying to get her to wake back up before finally giving up and accepting she was dead.

He’s more open to talking in The Tower once he finally sees her again, and he still wants suicide pact, but is willing to compromise to get what he wants, and is kind of enjoying himself for once because stuff is happening and he has hope. He gets chewed out by two small strangers for being a bad brother, and then flips out when he realises Laurie was not going to do joint suicide today (and honestly a part of why he flips out so much in The Tower is Laurie’s “I meant like in a few months, not in 12 minutes! Why would you think I meant that?” embarrasss him and hurts his feelings. Michael is sensitive and does not like feeling mocked). Then Laurie shows up to have a showdown with him after he has calmed down a little, and the stuff she says about him having to be dead to her so she can still remember him as a kid as someone she loved really hurts, I think, even if he’s not introspective enough to get why. But at the end of it, when Laurie can’t kill him while he’s unconscious and chooses to leave him instead, he’s not unconscious for that whole speech. He’s awake a lot of it, because he’s smart enough to play dead (and routinely does in Halloween films when in his best interest) and is playing dead waiting for a chance to stop her from killing him for real. So, that means he’s awake and just super injured for her whole “I can’t do it. I can’t kill the memory of you. I hate myself for it, but I still love you. I wish that things could have been different. I wish our lives were good, and that I understood you. I wish I’d been old enough to do something. I wish you still loved me.” speech to what she thinks is his unconscious body, and while he didn’t get everything she said, he got most of it—he’s not stupid. And it was sweet, and sad, and overwhelming, and I don’t think anyone has ever said they loved him since he was six, and the people who did once are all dead now. I don’t think it occurred to him anyone could, or should, or would want to. And he doesn’t understand Laurie, because their lived experiences are so different, but what she says means something to him too. Laurie says in 600 Seconds that he’s all she’s had for forty years, and in a lot of ways, even if he felt it very differently, that’s true for Michael too.

When he finds Laurie in Vs., he’s still looking for his way out, but more than that, he’s just looking for her. Laurie immediately assumes he’s there to try to commit suicide with her again, but he doesn’t actually make her try that initially. Just comes to collect her. And then as soon as she gets attacked by Krueger, starts kicking ass and taking name on her behalf. Listens to her about not killing Quentin, partially because she’s threatening him with a knife, but partially because at this point he trust her as much as he’s ever trusted anybody. And she and Quentin work to save him, and do, and she gets him out of the realm, and so by the time he comes to find her for the last time in 600 Seconds, she’s not Cynthia Myers: the second sister I need to kill to obtain peace anymore. She’s Cynthia, the baby sister who remembers me and fought someone to protect me, and said she loves me, and is going to kill herself with me so we can both be at peace. And so when she begs him not to kill her, he cares. You have to understand, his few memories of Laurie from the last year or two in-realm are like, the only memories from his adult life that are even partially good. He’s never had a real shot at being a normal human because of Loomis, but she’s been working so hard to treat him like one just the same, and it matters to him that he can tell how much he matters to her. So when she asks him, his initial response is, “...Well. If I kill her and live, I can be at peace, but then what? What does life really have that I want?” And the answer is, as far as he knows, not really anything. He never thought past the quiet. And if he dies? He could be at peace that way too. So if Cynthia wants to live so badly, he can let her, because he doesn’t really want to kill her, and if she kills him instead, it’ll still be quiet. And that’s kind of nice. He can have looked out for her once before the end, like she wanted.

And then of course, Laurie is distraught over that response and tries to talk him out of killing himself too, and to convince him they could have a normal life together as family and deserve one. That it’s what she wants, and even if it seems impossible, she knows they could find a way to make it work for him too and to be okay, and says she had been good on her word so far. And she has, she got him out of the realm like she promised. And she wants it so bad, and Michael doesn’t really want anything but quiet, or he hasn’t, not for years, but he does now, because being with Laurie he’s almost felt like a real person again. And Michael has always disconnected himself from the killings—not in a DID way, just, he doesn’t think of the desire as his, because it’s not—it’s the voices—so he wears the mask if he’s going to kill. And it’s the voices who want Cynthia dead, but she’s asking him not to do it and not to die either, not them, and so he just makes his own choice for the first time in years, and says no to the voices, and does what she wants, because he hopes it’s what he wants too. Being with her is the closest to alive and happy he can remember feeling, and wants that. He wants to be Michael again, and not the Shape, he just doesn’t know if he can. But he decides to try. And then again, when she comes to find him in Out of Darkness, there’s that scene where he considers killing her when she’s asleep, because the voices are so overwhelming and he can’t stand it and he’s so depressed, but he remembers he promised her he wouldn’t kill her, and so he doesn’t, and then she wakes up a little when he goes back to the couch, and smiles at him and uses him as a pillow because she loves him and trusts him and isn’t afraid to touch him or show physical affection, and if almost kills him because being touched in any way not meant to hurt or move him is a thing he can barely even remember anymore. But it feels good, like, unbearably. And he doesn’t know who he is anymore or what he wants, except that he wants to try just in case maybe things can be okay. And so he does, and they are. Slowly, but they are. And he gets to be happy.

So, in short. The TLDR is his whole life he had two doors: Listen to the voices, or suffer alone in misery forever. And someone offered him a door number three, and because that person loved him, and he wanted to try for a life where he could keep being loved and maybe remember for real how to love somebody back, he took it. He never wanted to kill Judith, or Laurie. He did it out of desperation. And if he’d gotten help, he’d never have even killed Judith. He was just never presented with an alternative. Nobody ever gave him a way to choose to be Michael anymore. Until Laurie. And that’s what he really wanted—has always wanted. To get to be the fragments of a person he managed to keep alive through all those years of abuse and loss and isolation. Laurie was just what it took to convince him he had a choice. And that it might be one that even maybe could succeed.

As for Julie and Frank, they avoid the survivors out of a mixture of guilt, and also discomfort. It’s not super fun to be around people who hate you or judge you, no matter how much you deserve it. And they do feel bad, and neither one likes to think about that or the shit they did very much, much less be actively reminded of it. This does get better though! It takes a while, but the road trip Julie and Frank end up joining does a lot to help. Gets a couple of bridges built, and things get a lot better. It takes time, especially for them to not feel like totally shit around the people they hurt the most, but the more years pass, the better that gets, and they become a lot less prickly and defensive or self-isolating when around the survivors.

#ask #sleepy #in living memory (fic)#in living memory #ilm spoilers #dead by daylight #I hope the Michael answer made sense! also once again didn’t proofread /anything/ so hang in there reading it rip #sorry I’m super dead today

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godlydolans · 5 years

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Tumblr won't let me answer this ask so I'm doing it this way-Pt.3

This is some star-crossed lovers shit that I cry over! I argue with my parents about the whole marrying into your own caste bullshit almost everyday. I really hope and pray this way of thinking changes because it really is a pain in the ass 😤

Y/N was going through a rough breakup when she'd first met Grayson. The guy she had been dating was from her own culture, a Doctor and her parents really liked him for their daughter. While the initial one year had been great, she quickly realised he wasn't the right guy for her. He was too controlling, too busy, too toxic. She had to break things off despite what the society would say.

For the longest time after that, Y/N closed herself off. She only left her dorm to go to her classes, occasionally going to the nearby diner with her girlfriends to ger food and then back into the dorm. The happy go-lucky girl who loved to party on the weekends was lost somewhere.

It just so happens that the night her room mate literally dragged her out of the dorm and to a party at some club she didn't care to know the name of, was the very night Grayson also attended his very first 'college party' per say.

Grayson Dolan had never been to frat parties in his life because he never went to college but had definitely heard great things from his sister and some friends that went to UCLA. One of those friends had invited him and his brother to the party his friend was throwing and Grayson was not gonna let the opportunity pass.

So what if he didn't go to University? He could still say he knew what college parties looked like!

So it was on one of the three outdoor patios at Q's Billiard Club that Grayson and Y/N first saw each other. She was there because the loud music was starting to make her head ache (she'd gotten a little too used to the usual quiet of her dorm room). Grayson was there to catch some fresh air, the tightly packed club was making him a little claustrophobic. And it wasn't like they were the only two people outside that night, but still both of them couldn't stop their eyes from going back to each other.

Y/N had noticed the new face among her friends' group when everyone had gathered around the pool table and how could she not? His bright smile and loud laugh were both extremely hard to miss. She had noticed how charismatic and magnetic he was and she'd be lying to herself if she said her eyes didn't search for him while she was inside just so she could see him smile once again.

There was just something about that smile..

Grayson had also noticed her when she had been talking to some guy, smiling from ear to ear as one hand played with the ring on her little finger. She was beautiful. He could tell that much even under the horrible lights of the club but now that she stood just few feet away from him, he could really see how beautiful she was.

Jesus Christ.. he'd thought, she had such beautiful dark long hair, big doe eyes with long lashes adorning them, thick eyebrows framed her exotic face beautifully and let's not even talk about the 'voluptuous' lips, as he likes to put it. That sharp bone structure could cut a loaf of bread and he couldn't stop himself from stealing glances her way. Usually Ethan is the shy one, but that night, Grayson would swear cat had got his tongue. The poor guy was sweating bullets, trying to find something to strike up a conversation with Y/N, but whenever he would open his mouth to say something, his nerves would get the best of him and he would eat his words before they had the opportunity to come out.

She eventually went back inside, making Grayson curse under his breath for losing his chance to talk to her. Little did he know he'd be getting introduced to Y/N very soon by their common friend, Ashton. Bless his soul.

The majority of the night, Y/N and Grayson spent together, talking about everything from their aim in life to freaking politics. She was extremely intelligent and he was a great listener along with having an interesting mind. Neither could stop themselves from getting infatuated with the other.

After that night, they met again at next weekend's party, then the next one and the next one. Grayson had started counting the days untill Saturday, when he could see her again.

Y/N, on the other hand, was starting to get wary about these meetings because she knew she was starting to really like him and that's what she couldn't allow herself to do. She knew getting involved with Grayson would only lead to heartbreak because there would never be a future with him. But she didn't have the the will power to stop seeing him either.

Ultimately, she decided she would not think too much and let the chips fall wherever they may. She really liked Grayson and Grayson really liked her and if she was lucky, things would not get too serious to the point where she'd have to rope in her family.

This would be her little secret, that's all.

Only, that's not all. And her little secret would not be so little. What was only supposed to be just two friends-who-knew-they-liked-each-other hanging out, turned into a three year long serious relationship. What was only supposed to be a crush she thought she'd get over eventually, turned into something so much more serious and permanent.

Y/N fell head over heels in love with everything that makes up the man that is Grayson and don't think she didn't try to stop those feelings in their track!

In the three years they were together, they took a break three times, the first time because Grayson was afraid what his fans would do to her if they found out. The second time because of what Y/N's family would do to her if they found out and the third time was solely because Y/N didn't know what to do about the situation she had trapped herself in. (But they obviously found their way back to each other!)

The poor girl loved her family more than anything else in the world and she didn't remember ever hiding something from either her mum or her dad. And while she knew that she wasn't wrong for loving Grayson, not at all, because loving him and being loved by him seemed like the most right thing she'd ever done, but the fact that she was hiding her relationship from her parents for three years definitely gave her multiple sleepless nights.

She tried to tell them several times when things were getting serious between her and Grayson, but everytime she would chicken out because she wasn't ready to choose between her family and the love of her life. She knew her family would never accept him no matter how perfect he was because he didn't share the same cultural background as her and she knew that if she chose him, she would be disowned within a second.

If someone would have asked her to choose between any guy and her dad even two years ago, she would have chosen her father in a heartbeat. There was even a time in the early stages of her relationship where she had made those cute little 'open when' cards for Grayson, giving them to him on their one year anniversary. She had gotten the idea off of pinterest and she remembers hesitating while making the 'open when you're getting married' card because she was so sure she wouldn't be the one that'd get to marry that amazing man.

Y/N knew there was zero way she would get to have Grayson as her husband no matter how much she prayed for it, so she didn't know what to write in that particular card. After going over words and crumbling four pieces of paper, she finally wrote just five words in the card and folded it shut with teary eyes. Grayson had a tendency to misplace things and there was a high chance this card would never even be opened by him, but she still made it and gave it to him.

Now fast forward to two years later, Grayson stood before her with one knee bent, holding a beautiful diamond ring with both hands and saying the most beautiful speech while she stood infront of him, absolutely bawling her eyes out and covering her mouth in shock. It was the eve of her birthday and she had just gotten off the phone with her family, during which Grayson had stood silently to the side, making sure to not make a single noice because he couldn't risk being heard by your parents. The proposal had come as a total shock to Y/N but there was no doubt in her head that she had to say 'yes' when she saw him getting down on one knee and flashing her favourite smile in the entire world to her. She didn't think about how she'd tell her family that she was freaking engaged, or about how they'd react to having Grayson as their son in-law, or if they'd even want to see her after she'd break the news to them. All she knew in that moment was that Grayson was her man, the love of her life. No other man could ever take his place and she just had to make him officially hers. Staying away from him was out of the question. She'd tried that and failed miserably. At this point, she knew they were meant to be together, that's all she cared about.

"Yes," she'd breathed, a choked sob escaping her lips when a tear rolled down Grayson's cheek. She got down on both knees in front of him and launched herself into his arms. "Yes, yes, I will marry you!"

He had not wasted a second in taking her face in his hands and kissing her lips with everything he had. They had each other, that was enough for now.

That year when she'd gone home for her Diwali, she had asked her mum and dad to sit with her and with a pounding heart and shaky breaths, she had finally told them about Grayson. She was very aware that this would be her last diwali with her family but she knew her love for Grayson was nothing to be ashamed about. She hadn't committed a crime, she'd just fallen in love.

"I'm marrying him before new years, dad." Y/N had lifted her head up from her lap, pulling out from under her high neck top, the ring that she'd worn like a pendant around her neck. The sparkle of the diamond made her mother gasp. Her father sat in front of her, motionless, not even looking at her. She knew she had really hurt her dad and his teary eyes were making her heart break into a million pieces but she couldn't reach out and comfort him. She didn't have the right to, anymore. "Dad, trust me, he's an amazing man! You would love him if you met--"

"Tell her to get out of my house." He'd commanded her mother and stormed out of the room, without spading her a glance.

"Mum please--"

"Don't call me that! You clearly didn't think about your mum while you were messing around with that American--three years, Y/N?! You didn't feel ashamed of yourself?! And today you came here to invite us to your wedding?! How dare you?"

So yeah, she got kicked out of her house on the night of Diwali. At least she didn't get a slap to the face..? She just booked a room in a hotel near the airport, preparing to fly back to her fiancé at the crack of dawn. He was waiting for her with open arms when she came home the next day, letting go of her travel bag and absolutely crumbling into his arms. Her broken sobs were muffled by the fabric of his shirt as he held her head against his chest, placing kisses on her forehead every now and then.

"I'm sorry," he kept whispering in her ear, feeling awful for being the reason his girl got dsowned by her parents. "I'm so sorry.

"He didn't even look at me, Gray! Called me a disgrace!" The pain was unbearable. She couldn't breath, her heart seemed too heavy and the image of her father's pain stricken face kept roaming her mind. "They hate me, Gray."

"They are your parents, Y/N, they can't hate you. They are just mad. They'll come around eventually." He didn't know whom he was reassuring, himself or her. This isn't how he had imagined his wedding would be, with no family member attending from the bride's side. He really wished he could take some of her pain away, but all he could really give her was a promise to always be by her side through everything. He promised her he would never leave her. Never ever leave her.

They were bound by fate after all.

Just a day before the wedding, when Y/N was looking for the personalised cufflinks she'd bought as a wedding gift to Grayson, she stumbled upon a fat envelope on Grayson's side of the wardrobe. Opening it in curiosity, she found all the 'open when' cards that she'd made for him all those years ago. All the cards had been opened except for one.

Open when you're getting married.

The words were written in cursive on top of the card, the seal of it was still intact, meaning Grayson had really listened to her instructions, despite the curiosity nagging him everytime his eyes would fall on the envelopes. She didn't even know he had kept all the cards, Grayson tended to lose things easily.

Looking at the card, she remembered that day she'd sat down in her living room with all these papers scattered around her, doubting if she'll even get to marry Grayson. And now here she was, sitting in her future bedroom that she'd share with her soon to be husband. She would be marrying the man of her dreams tomorrow. And even though her day wouldn't be perfect because of the absence of her family, it would still be her day. The day she would finally be Mrs. Grayson Dolan.

Y/N took the cufflinks out of the wardrobe and held the card in her hand, walking over to Grayson's wedding suit that still hung on the hook of the wardrobe, just about of be taken to the venue for the wedding. Smiling with teary eyes, she slipped the card into the pocket of his coat along with the box that contained the cufflinks. It was a miracle that she found the card just a day before the wedding. It was all fate.

And the next day, while Grayson was getting ready, Ethan informed him that his almost wife had kept a gift in the pocket of his coat and had asked him to tell Grayson that. The groom had eagerly shoved his hand into his coat's pocket and found not just one gift, but two.

The cufflinks laid forgotten on the bed when his eyes fell on the card and he hastily opened it, finally getting to see what was written inside.

Just five words that brought tears into his eyes.

I hope it was me...

He smiled at the words, his throat tight and eyes filled with tears as he read the words over and over. Their love was powerful, they were meant to be together and together, they knew they could conquer anything. Yes, the path they had chosen to take was not an easy one, but he knew deep in his heart that things would get better.

And thankfully for them, Y/N's parents finally came along two years later. The cause of that was the little bundle of joy that Grayson and Y/N had created together. Things were starting to look up again, Y/N's dad was smitten with her little baby girl and her family loved Grayson once they got to know him. These days, her dad has been trying to get his son in-law into Cricket so they can watch together on TV when the World Cup rolls around. Grayson, on the other hand, has other plans. The Best Husband In The World is now set to earn the title of The Best Son In-Law In The World too, what with sneakily buying tickets for the whole family to watch the World Cup finale in the freaking stadium.

"I've got the best seats! He's gonna have a great view of the whole thing." He beams as she lays her head on his chest at night.

"You didn't have to do that, babe."

"Oh c'mon, he gave his freaking daughter to me, I know how hard that must have been now that I have my own, it's the least I can do for him."

Needless to say, Y/N's dad is over the moon, watching the match from the stadium with Grayson sitting beside him. Gray looks so cute and hot cheering for her country, she would definitely have pounced on his had they not been with her family, sitting among what looks like thousands and thousands of people.

But it's okay. They have all the time in the world for baby making. He's all hers just like she's all his.

#asks #anons #concepts #ethan dolan imagines

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pranavthepp · 4 years

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Poles Apart

It is not quite often that we come across people who are so alike yet poles apart. Initial impressions made me wonder, can two people be so alike ? It was too good to be true situation. With a skeptic eye I decided to just know more about it.

Meet Mili , the super woman. I came across Mili in the most traditional way possible, via matrimony. Yes these things still very much exist. Never knew I'd be seeing myself on any of those ever. Because lets face it , the way society perceives it is rather different, only the ones who couldn't find love in their life end up there. So Mili was just another profile my mum happen to come across . I never entertained anyone approaching from matrimony much simply for the fact that I was looking out for love in a true sense . And to my shallow view, by definition I believed one cannot find love through arranged way.

Phase-1

After much of insistence from Mum , I decided to talk to her for formality just to put her in reject list later. "Hi...." she said, that hi went for half hour, hyperbole not literally. Now let me tell you, never in my life I've come across person who likes to talk so much because I don't talk much. And to my surprise, after hearing her I found listening to her oddly satisfying. Not that she had lot of interesting things to talk about but the way she talked about them. She spoke things with so much exuberance that it carried a kind of beautiful innocence and honesty with it. Let me tell you , I am not much of a talker but this woman made me captive to her aura and made me bell the cat. There was something about her that I found very attractive .

For the first time in many years I felt different. Chats converted to calls . And calls stretched to hours . We talked on any random topic for hours, it was like meeting a long lost friend every time . I thought it was about time and this would stop with time or once we start meeting. We were to meet in March but then Corona happened and whole country went into shutdown, I had to cancel my flights (She stays in Jaipur) and the long wait was flushed.

Retrospectively , best thing ever happened . Because this was the time we started to connect on a more deeper level. Surprisingly, calls were increasing and so were the hours , incessantly. Initially I was ignoring this thinking that this is the most common phase of any relationship , and the need to talk just reduces with time . But the case here was very different, Mili has so many faucets to her that every time I talk to her I learn something new. She is a very fascinating human being . I may come across as a mad scientist, but I have never come across any human being in my life who has so many different dimensions . By now I had learned all her buas' name, her first dog Audi and his notorious stories, her nemesis, the fact that she prefers lip balm over lipstick, she hates to talk about politics and much to her reluctance she couldn't begin her day without talking to me.

But let me tell you , those things were still like scratching the surface. When I say deeper level I meant exploring her characteristics . Mili has this amazing ability to tell stories effortlessly. Her ability to keep my attention is amusing to even me. At times she has to ask whether I am listening to her or not thinking I am bored. Quite a skill I must say , apt for a creative job if she ever wants to pursue one. Hey , it doesn't stop there. She has an innate nature to not keep things cliff hanging, often when we have disagreements and fight at times , she has to resolve it on the day itself and start the next day fresh.The quality I am most attracted to , may be because I belong to same school of thought. As they say , true testament of any relationship is seen during crises . It was 5 months so far and I had become talkative by now , I knew I am a bad singer ( She purposely likes to make me sing because she is blessed with a good voice) , I am too bad at remembering lyrics, and women go frenzy over chocolates and gifts, and foremost I'd become an addict.

Phase-2

6 months in to this and by now we had become very familiar to each other's breaths, pauses and full stops . It was just about time that we'd to meet because the wait was killing us and corona was no far to be gone. We decided to meet midway which would be equi distant for both. A resort in outskirts of Indore was decided , but now we were accompanied by Parents. Never met this girl before , hardly did video calls yet parents were accompanying us. Strategically speaking, it was a very risky call but something within us felt right. Because strategy doesn't apply in the businesses of hearts. The day we met was one of the best day of my life not for the fact that there was any excitement or so to meet, but for the fact that I felt as comfortable around her as I did while talking on phone.

It has been a month now since we're engaged. There have been some amazing moments and then not so amazing moments . Mili still doesn't stop to amaze me. Still I try to sing in my amazing voice upon her insistence , and have started to even like it because it makes her happy. Phone calls still last long, phone buzzes with Good morning and Good night texts. Now I have 2 mummys and papas and also a new brother . Excitement to hear her voice has just increased. Mili has also now developed a knack to learn , she surprisingly likes to talk about politics, so much so that she even has opinions to give. She has become very kind and patient to listen to my talks about work. And with great humility I must say that I've learned Mili is far mature than me. A gem who you wouldn't want to lose.

It didn't really cross my thought until I proof read this piece that this comes across as written by someone who is Love. Totally. Past few months have really taught me lot of things about things, about people, about myself and about love .I believe till love and respect remains as a foundation of any relationship, things can always be build and rebuild around it . So doesn't matter how much poles apart you are , when people commit to the idea of commitment, it nurtures the best of the relationship.

#realtionship #marriage #tumblr milestone #next steps #love

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anonymousfeeling137 · 5 years

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When you meet your Ex

I met my ex 7months ago at a funeral.. We hadn't spoken to each other in 4 years. When I saw him I was so happy and wanted to talk to him and ask him how he was doing.. He didn't say anything to me and left. I texted him why he left without talking.. To which he responded with 😀 this emoji..

Then slowly we started talking about each other.. He told me he never stopped loving me and that when he saw me he felt the exact same feeling when he got when we were together and that he could have done everything by now for me and convinced everyone in our family for our marriage.. (we are second cousins, mind you, and had a long distance relationship for 3 years)

We started talking again and love sparked and I fell for him all over again.. We started talking to each other on calls, msgs, video calls. He would always insist on video calls even if I we couldn't talk he wanted to see me.. And would say that he would never let me go this time now that I am back..

We met in Indore and I stayed there for a week and met him everyday and we got intimate.. He was all good with me.. Then after the week.. I came back to my city and he got busy with his studies, we stayed in contact via calls and msgs, yet every time he would sound a lil distant.. But I knew he was stressed out with his studies, family and everything.

On April 29th(his birthday), he was at a wedding. He's childhood friend (and a distant relative of his and mine) was getting married to my bhabhi's sister. My brother was there and so were my family and his family.. My bhabhi never said a word to me to come join them for the wedding, she is a narcissistic malicious women and has my brother and my family under her control and fault pretence of being the victim of abuse by me. (which is completely wrong). She and her family (my brother's in law's) have told everyone that I am torchering her to do things.

Mind you we live in a metro city, and we have never ever tried to control or harress her. My brother always takes her side and does what she says.. Yet she made everyone believe her over the actual truth.. She and malicious actions had made my life hell after she got married to my brother 3 years back..

When I met my ex.. He told me what his friend/groom had told him about me.. Which he himself said that I didn't date her(me) now but I know she(me) is not that kinda person who would harress anyone. Anyways, when he told me this that's when I got to know what they had been doing.. All this while when my aunts and others were taunting me randomly and would fight with me, I thought it was me who they had problem with.. I hadn't told anyone what she would do to me and how she would spoil my things steal my money and hide food so I couldn't eat.. There had been times I had stayed hungry all day and had nothing in the house to cook or eat.. Coz she even hides /locks up stuff in her cupboard. Anyways, I suffer from chronic depression, PCOS, Anxiety disorder and dyslexia, I have had consulted psychologist and taking meds for PCOS..

Anyways the behavior of those people and all the accusations made my mental health even worse and even had no support from anyone in the family. And bhabhi and her family intends to mentally torture me so I would commit suicide like my mother.. Which they would be the sole in charge over our property as fooling others wouldn't be that big of a problem. They manipulate my family that she will kill herself if I stayed with her as I am a bad guy here.. Where actually I am a scapegoat to all the malicious intentions and tortures..

Anyways back to the story, when my bf(previous ex) said this was told about you.. I was more stressed on the level of hatred they had for me. I started telling him what exactly had happened and the truth about who tortures whom.

Somehow I felt like he would understand me and stand by me when I needed him. So I would tell him what all the shit she does on a day to day basis after the wedding.

When I came back from indore, after the "intimate moments", he would ask me all the time to make sure I didn't get pregnant or anything...

So after he came back from the wedding I asked him what happened in the wedding... Like I wanted to know what my bhabhi had done more to spoil my image.. What poison she had injected now.. He said he wasn't aware of it.. She looked pretty normal to do such a thing to anyone and when he asked his friend the groom about his wife /the bride's behavior he said she is very good. So yeah.. But by the time he said that we were already having a heated argument and I was so angry by his attitude that I said this groom is your FRIEND, but he is not fucking you to tell you about his wife and their conversation especially after when you had previously said that I wouldn't hurt anyone... Why would he tell his friend what his wife told about her sisters inlaws after you had made clear that you don't believe his wife.. Why would he.. Are you letting him fuck you or what(because pillow talks, not that I didn't suspected him, but seriously we were fighting) .. Anyway what I meant was.. His friend and his woman were couples and couples talk all the things including good and bad about anyone they hate or love.. Which my brother and my bhabhi do too.. And I have seen how my brother takes her side all the fucking time even when he knows that she is doing wrong.. Even when she tells him not to talk to me he would do it and mind you me my bother and her live together in our house. But he never says anything bad about my bhabhi to me or anyone even when she had made it very clear that she hates me and even when he got to know that she had stolen more than 1 lac from him when he was abroad and gave it to her father.. Accused me of torturing her that she had a miscarriage when my brother was abroad for 5 months and she'd had her periods every fucking month.. He still choose to believe that crap.. When his bff who's house he was staying in abroad how bullshit her logic is and that everymonyh you tell me today she has trouble coz she had periods and you believe she had a miscarriage when you hadn't seen her for 5 months..who's child was it.. (these thing brother told me when he realized what she had done and why he wasn't talking to me since he left) anyways..

I think he is taking her side becoz

1. He gets free sex, to Kuch bolo to uska action band hojaega

2. She is always seeking his attention no matter where they are, which make him feel more of a man

3. She is gets very jealous and angry when he talks to anyone women, so to avoid unnecessary drama and conflict that doesn't concern him, she had even asked him when he they got married initially to stop talking to me and my cousins...

Now, you might think that he loves, which I thought too but he doesn't, considering he's still flirting and in intimate contact with his exes and I know this coz those exes were known to me and they keep calling and texting me when my bhabhi saw their msgs and had a cat fight with them..

Anyways.. They don't a have a romantic relationship with each other.. They just satisfy each other's selfish needs and requirements and that's the foundation of their "love", so it gets altered and modified as per needs and wants time to time...

Anyways

After that huge fight with my bf when I told him that your friend doesn't get to fuck you, he gets to fuck his wife and would never choose you over her, my bf got offended, then disappeared for a week. I too was angry at his attitude so I didn't call him either.. Now I know the way I said was wrong and I called him to apologize.. Which he didn't say anything to and said he will call me back but then never called me or texted me whatsoever

After about a week or so due to his lack of response and communication and after waiting for him to tell me something I called and confronted him to which he said since I hurt his ego he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't feel like talking to me..

Then I asked him what he wants to do with the relationship to which he responded that he never was in a relationship and that HE doesn't trust me if I will leave him again when he had clearly used and dumped me and didn't even tell me that he wants to breakup.. Like when he was hurting me for something, he was scared of me hurting him for the same thing.. The audacity of that boy(I wouldn't call me a man coz he never had the balls to be one) saying that while he slept with me was because I forced him to and that it concentual and almost forced to him so he was never in relationship with me at all.. So he doesn't have an issue leaving me without even telling me that he is.. But he needed that commitment from me coz he couldn't trust me after I left him 4 years ago..

Anyways... That's my story.. The post break up experience with my ex..

I don't think that's what people except it to be but it is the truth..

People change over a period of time and no one can actually make someone be in love with anyone... People love by choice and making it love by chance of fate or whatever is bullshit bollywood/Hollywood crap to sell their crappy love stories...

You leave your ex for a reason and yes feeling for someone or attraction for someone might be there somewhere but they are out of your life for a reason and that's probably should be the way it is.. What the girl did in this video is absolutely correct.. If the relationship was worth anything it wouldn't have ended in the first place..

That's all I got to say..

And also that.. Our behavior is in our hand and it's up to us to change but our behavior doesn't define us.. Yes we make a lot of mistakes which costs us relationship but we can always change our behavior for ourselves and our loved ones, our reactions to good or bad situations or emotions and actions... But we cannot and should not change our Character for anyone..

I have learned that bringing outside problems to relationships can take the essence of it and anger is our worst enemy. We should learn to be controlled and collected in any situation no matter how bad they affect us.. To stay away from people who don't support us and love us when we're at our worst... And to respect yourself enough to let go of anything person, relationship, situation that's toxic for you.. Its easier said than done, I know, but it must be done... At the end it would be definitely difficult to live without someone you truly love but it's IMPOSSIBLE to live without yourself... So love yourself and choose what's best for you..

BE A LOVER. CHOOSE LOVE. GIVE LOVE TO EVERYONE. CHOOSE THEM FOR WHO THEY REALLY ARE AND NOT WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE. SPREAD LOVE AND HAPPINESS AND TRUST YOUR JOURNEY.. TRUST GOD.. HE HAS GIVEN YOU THE PAIN HE WILL HEAL YOU..

ALLL THE LOVE.... TO EVERYONE I LOVED AND LOST AND WILL LOVE AGAIN...

😘😘😘😘😘😘

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#Breakupkebaad #breakup #ex boyfriend #relationship #Neilstrauss

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demonofthelight · 8 years

Conversation

Life stories: Simon Clarke

Joanne (presenter): What keeps you awake at night, like what do you regret the most?

Simon: I don't know if I regret anything because everything teaches you something. Everything we go through is a lesson in life.

Joanne: That's the diplomatic response. What's the real response? If you could change something what would be?

Simon: There's this girl, anyone that listens to this podcast regularly probably knows all about her. Well, I can't regret us ending, because she's getting married in, what's the date? She's getting married in less than a month and she's meant to be happy so I don't regret us ending. I regret being so unimportant in her eyes that we don't still speak. I regret that, more than anything. I don't know if she was the 'one' but she was a friend. A friend I will forever adore.

Joanne: Does that keep you awake at night.

Simon: I wouldn't go that far but there are days I wonder about her.

Joanne: If she was watching this show, what would you say to her?

Simon: I'm sorry I never made her happy and I'm sorry she felt pressured by me. There's this story where a mutual friend once told me, this girl who I don't want to name Joanne, I really don't. You've shown pictures there but she doesn't look the same anymore not even the same coloured hair. Anyway this mutual friend told me she 'hates me for bringing her up'. Honestly, I'm sick of talking about it but I was always taught there's no taboo subject.

Joanne: Do you wish you two stayed in touch?

Simon: Mixed. (looking uncomfortable and shifting) I wish we never drifted so apart into two different circles but the circle she mixes in aren't compatible with the circle I drift in. I don't want to sound like an arrogant asshole. I mean it's nothing to do with superiority or a god complex. The circles I drift in are quite intellectual. Political debates, university alumina, professional jobs, e-sports. The circles she drifts in are more materialistic or hobby orientated. Motorbikes, sports etc. I mean some of those people think I'm literally the worst thing to happen to her, while some of the people in my circle find those who can't debate infuriating. The reality is the person she is now and the person I am now are completely different.

Joanne: Moving on to the death of your mom. Can you remember the day you found out?

Simon: Like it was yesterday. I got woke up in the morning while the paramedics were in my kitchen. I got told that my mom had died in her sleep and as you can imagine my father was in bits. I didn't know how to process it initially so I stayed in my room for about an hour. As time passed, I just wanted to be hugged and told I wasn't as alone as I felt.

Joanne: I'm sure your sisters and brother were by your side.

Simon: Of course, but they were trying to come to grips with it too. To be entirely honest, I reached out to a friend the following day or within the next few days. It became a blur that week but I remember distinctly that the one female who I loved and depended on to that level other than my mother was my ex. I spent the time up until the funeral genuinely believing she would pop over and check up on me even after we broke up on bad terms.

Joanne: How did your friend react , how did they support you?

Simon: As we've touched on, I was a loner in school. Until near the end of high school, I was a bullied shy kid. I didn't have any true friends. But this moment, this terrible event, Matthew made me realise I would never have to go through a travesty alone. He took time out to go for a drink with me during that week and he took the day off work to go to my mom's funeral. He's a complete atheist. He think's my philosophy on the afterlife is closer to Stephen King than history textbooks but he literally walked probably a few miles to and from the funeral just to show his support. I've never told him how much that meant to me. But I'd like to think he just knows.

Joanne: I'm sure he wasn't the only friend over that time?

Simon: No, I have another fantastic friend called Andrew. I had a very bitter falling out over him trying to get me support and honestly anyone else would have knocked me out for the abuse I gave him over it. He just laughed it off. One of two friends that I can depend on, hopefully and as far as I'm concerned the rest of my life.

Joanne: You mentioned the girl again (picture of 2011 as a couple goes on screen), her family is your neighbour right so they knew about what happened with your mom but didn't she text you or call in?

Simon: Her parents lived opposite the street, but she never asked or showed concern on my wellbeing. I have no entitlement of that care. It's her right to feel or act in any legal way she wishes. I'll respect her freedom to do that for as long as I can.

Joanne: How does that make you feel?

Simon: It made me realise our perspectives on the 18 months we were in a relationship were different. For me, it was a fantastic period and I imagine for her it's best to forget it.

Joanne: Does that bother you?

Simon: Should it? People change, circumstances change. Can we move on?

Joanne: OK. We'll go to a break... Welcome back. I'd like to talk about university and is it true that you were warned before you enrolled?

Simon: As a 18 year old child. I made a stupid comment about a friend publicly on Facebook. My friend found it hilarious and it's the sort of dark humour we say to each other over voice chat and in person but someone twisted what I said to imply someone who died in my local area. Well implied the post was about them. I never met and couldn't care less about them. I apologised and thought that was the end of it but a formal police report was filed and the individuals informed my university who at this point had just provided me with an offer to enrol that I accepted. I mean top business college diploma in the county, they ripped the hands off for me. So that was interesting. The university was great about it. The police were as incompetent as you can imagine but it did teach me that don't say anything on social media that can't be literally taken. Like this will go up on YouTube and Tumblr. So anything I say can be proved.

Joanne: How did you emotionally react to this event, where what you said was taken out of context?

Simon: Betrayed by others but I was stupid and naiive. You can't be those things especially as a successful businessman. At this time a lot of falsehoods and rumours came around ranging from me being a drug addict to committing sexual assault. It was obvious at this point those who had ever had a conversation with me knew that I had traditional moral values so the accusations were as ridiculous as they sound. Childish rumours spread to squash what I had to say. My friends just ignored them, and the people the bullshit influenced were better off not in my life anyway.

Joanne: I've only met you twice and you're quite outspoken about some controversial subjects but its obvious to me morally your the other way. Severely punish criminals, probably too far in my opinion.

Simon: I agree, my opinions can be quite controversial but I'm as against illegal drugs as I love a cup of tea. Even my critics would tell you that.

Joanne: You've gone from a social media account with 50000 followers overall to less than a tenth of the size. Why do you think this is and does it bother you?

Simon: I used to be a depressing blogger with poems, and writing that was soul crushing but honest about my thoughts or feelings about myself. I then started to feel less lost so naturally started writing about facts not emotions. Politics was always a topic I found fascinating. I've always been debating since I can remember. I get off on a debate, which is why it's hilarious to mock those that call you names because they can't debate the facts of the topic. I started looking at things like the wage gap and white privilege economically and they don't hold up to the scrutiny expected in academic work. They just don't. Those that believe either of those things are either stupid or lied too.

Joanne: I don't want to go down the rabbit hole of politics because it's become who you are but if I can, I want to touch on 'getting off' of those that call you names in other words 'Trolls' can you elaborate on that?

Simon: I'll give you an example. I'm quite camp just look at what I'm wearing so I got an anon message on Tumblr once that read 'you are a gay homophobic sexist Nazi that should just kill yourself'. How hilarious is the stupidity of that statement. If I was gay, I couldn't be homophobic and gay people aren't allowed to be a Nazi. It shows the idiocy of these people that are probably children.

Joanne: Does these kind of hate messages matter to you?

Simon: Of course it matters, everybody wants to be liked. Those that claim otherwise are lying. But the opinions of people I've never met who are so ashamed of themselves they hide through anonymous, do not matter to me. The opinions of friends and parents of friends matter to me.

Joanne: You once said you were 'bad with women'.

Simon: Oh God, yea. I really wish I hadn't had said that. It was on an emotional post at 3am. It was a spur of the moment thought. I don't think I'm naturally bad with women but I am a marmite figure. I'm not universally liked. Most people I meet are probably intimidated by me. I think the women that I find attractive clearly don't normally find me attractive.

Joanne: Why is that? What type of women do you find attractive?

Simon: I'm probably a 6 out of ten, if I could lose the acne probably a good 7. I tend to fall for either the tall slim blonde or the short petite unique person. I'm quite simple like that. Then if they are able to debate or disagree with me brilliantly, I just adore them.

Joanne: (laughs) So you see yourself as just above average?

Simon: In looks, I do. In style, I'm quite unique and some people hate that I stand out. In personality, I am extremely demanding but I also expect that from myself.

Joanne: Do you ever think about children?

Simon: I did. I thought about marriage and kids but I've only ever found three people in 21 years that I could see having a life with. I do think about children's names though, I have top three for both genders. For a boy: Constantine, Excalibur or Arthur. For a girl: Katherine, Kate or Kathleen.

Joanne: Do you think it's fair when some people refer to you as egotistical, arrogant or psychotic?

Simon: It's no business of mine what other's perceive me to be. I can only concentrate on who I am and I'm none of those things.

Joanne: Do you like being the centre of attention with someone claiming you 'have to be seen to be the most overdressed person because you need the attention?

Simon: I don't mind it, but I don't actively pursue it. I don't really mind whether someone outshines me. I love a challenge and I think demanding the best from myself constantly while can be quite exhausting to see, is who I am whether that's monopoly, gaming or dressing.

#life story #interviews #podcast #demonofthelight

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