#I am combining all my interests in one
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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To socialise or not to socialise, that is the question.
#Looked at two places I could move out to & they are complete opposite vibes in terms of socialableness#Both have roommates ofc but one gives me a lot more of my own space & it seems like I would barely have to interact with them at all#So I'd be left pretty much completely alone. Which is usually the dream#And ngl knowing the other people there would keep to themselves & have no interest in knowing me is especially relieving#Given the whole thing that pushed me to move out in the first place#The other has extremely small & cozy vibes. Owner's stuff all over the place#By cozy I do mean cluttered#The girl I met with there (not the person I'd be renting from) gave me a tour for five-ten mins#And then the next 30 mins-60 mins we spent chatting over tea#Someone more sociable than me might call it instant bestie vibes#Which. Has been something I've kind of very much been missing/yearning for irl I will admit#& from the sound of it the person subletting has the same vibes with her#She says he's 'interesting' and 'I'd like him'#From the combination of her description and the clutter I'm getting eccentric professor vibes#Which is generally a good vibe to me#But I am even more skittish of renting from someone t#Too sociable#After prev landlord#Though I want to trust othet tenant's vibe check. Because it might actually be very nice to have some kind of real life friends#It's also a very different kind of sociable than prev landlord#She was 'chatty and gets you to open up easily' sociable & it sounds like the other guy will be approximately the same#& also 'repeatedly assures you can ask her to stop if she's being too much' sociable. Which is always a relief#Meanwhile prev landlord was 'wants to know why you're not relaxed & tells you you should be without doing anything to help you be' sociable#'gets very pushy about finding time to talk/hang out' sociable#'teases you for being awkward' sociable#None of which were the real issue with him of course. But they didn't help & I can't help but see them as red flags in retrospect#I'm currently leaning towards 'to socialise' because it was a very cosy vibe & I do feel starved of irl friendship just a bit#But it could either be very good or very bad#& I don't want to risk very bad again#Anyway. This has been missives from a pizza shop I ducked into to charge my phone before I go back to being lost in a snowstorm
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I have decided I am going to go to grad school in 2.5 years. If anyone would like to make a decision as to what I will go to grad school for. That would be great
#my issue. there are no good grad degrees for my job. and also I wouldn’t enjoy them. so I would have to. pivot careers#which is not a problem. but does mean I need to decide on one.#I’m also. tbh.#thinking about grad degree in hematology. bc I feel like it would make me feel better about doing it.#but again. does fuck all job wise. and also maybe I don’t want to do that.#etxt#and also if I do a grad program in hem I have nooooo idea what I would do for a doctorate. which I am. interested in#and then we run into the problem of just knock out a masters or bunker down for a combined masters phd
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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family
#fucking hell#it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister#who was equally dreading the day#my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt#then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high#weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence#i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum#who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf#but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed#they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes#finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously#(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room#and made things appear that should not be there#I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go#you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear#I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well#she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer#maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important
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#not feeling so great as of lately#i thought it was just that i was thinking about stuff at a too late of a time yesterday but now its morning and i still feel bad#sure i slept very badly so maybe its still that but idk it still doesnt feel great no matter what the reason is#i feel like. so annoying lately#and like yea maybe i am and it shouldnt matter yk like all that ur allowed to be annoying and just be urself and whatever#but it just of takes a lot out of u when u t talk about ur interests or ur day or smth ands like everyone just brushes it off or ignores u#and obviously im probably being dramatic like this is a busy time of the year!#and its not always about me and like other ppl have their reasons to do what they do u know#but it still feels bad :'))#also this isnt about like anyone specific its like a combination of little things that FEELS bad to ME not a thing someone else does#like i know ppl dont have to care about stuff yk i like that i KNOW they dont care about so like what do i expect#and i dont ever know what to say to stuff idk anything about either so its very understandable#but its took me years to like. talk about things i like without prompting so it feels like a big hit when i dont get any reaction back fsgsh#and thats not trying to blame anyone else either its not anybody elses fault im not good at something#i think my kind of insecurity is showing one of my friends had to reassure me that yes they do want to hear how im doing fsgsh#but im thankful for that it feels good to hear when ur feeling kind of unstable with ur relationships fshsh#also since i am feeling like. unstable on EVERY relationship i suspect its just seasonal depression or stress or something#still wont stop the brain from like trying to blame itself lmao#this is kind of stupid idk what im trying to even say here#my post#vent#maybe ill delete it later?? this feels stupid
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hey guys i found this weird discontinued doll line from 2014, seems like the gimmick is each doll comes with a pet, except the pet is just an entire dude? so theyre mostly sold in two-packs, technically. i cant find much information on these except a weird tie-in comic on neocities, but i cant tell if its official or fan-made. can anyone let me know if they find more pictures of these? thx
#hey i combined 2 things im hyperfixated on again but this time the two things were ranfren and fashion dolls just like in general.#i currently do not really have proper supplies to make good doll customs of them#so for now the sanest course of action was to literally draw them as little dolls in their boxes for sale#i bet these bitches only got 5 pts of articulation /j#randal would have kanekalon hair. sebastian has polypropylene. i drew it like rooted hair but lets be real luther has molded on plastic hair#luther gets 2 releases because his hair color is inconsistent and he wears different color shirts sometimes#i think im going to draw a third release of him with nana.#a playset of the house would be fun but i am NOT drawing that....#the only ones i would want out of the ones ive drawn so far would be the randal and sebastian pack tbh.#not that i dont like luther and his catmen but their fashion isnt as interesting. which is why it was easier 2 draw#i had fun with the accessories though. i also like how i put a coffin shape behind randal and didnt do that for all the other boxes cause#it was too hard#anyways i wanna make more of these when i have the time... i wanna draw nurse randal and i want a release of satoru with camio(?spelling)#unreality#<== jic. mostly cause of my fun little caption#images that are horrid to see and look at#mspaint#dollblr#fashion dolls#ranfren#randal's friends#randal ivory#randal von ivory#sebastian de tomato smith chicken legs#luther ivory#luther von ivory#nyen catman#nyon catman
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@ tma fandom, i have a concept:
the fear entities but they are mythological gods.
that is all thank u
#like. theyre huge and kinda humanoid-ish and they have their own interpersonal drama like greek mythology and people worship them world wide#and avatars are just demigods really and theres different sectors of worship and sacred temples and holy blessings#do you see where im going with this#me combining my special interests of mythology and tma into one because i am autistic thus is my right#yes im drawing this already#already have a beta ceaseless watcher design and they are so pretty i am eating them#i know im late to the tma fandom but i am tentatively offering my brain rot to you all#.txt#tma#the magnus archives#magpod
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are people like. aware that all the ships from kids cartoons currently winning in the femslash polls are like. canon as well as very central to their shows?? you don’t have to like cartoons to each their own but SOMETIMES the way people talk about them im like oh so you know nothing about these shows. i am saying this as someone who dislikes both lum.ity and c.honi (for very different reasons) like i have no stake in who wins that poll.
i am just like you know luz is Thee main character right?? you know catradora was the whole plot of the show right??? no they’re not good because they’re representation that alone is not enough to make something a good ship (see: lumi/ty but also ch/oni) they’re good because they’re like. interesting and fleshed out characters. catradora and lu/mity and korrasami and bubbline aren’t showing up in the top 100 because they’re frequent side pairings in m/m fics like none of those fandoms have m/m ships that even compare in popularity. like not that this isn’t a larger problem of femslash ships (and like the preference for sanitized couples Is A Thing as well 100%) but like that is not what’s happening Here
#amphibia too. every possible combination of the three girls was in the top 100#there aren’t even guys to ship together really#again i’m only speaking for kids cartoons bc idk any of the animes in the current polls#and idk shit about genshin impact or whatever#anyway i saw a post earlier and it just felt like it was conflating a lot of things. that are all separately larger issues#but very few of them are relevant to this situation#and i am very interested in the larger subject of why wlw are more prevalent in kids cartoons specifically. like compared to mlm in cartoons#lu/mity is boring as hell though and absolutely fit into the ‘mash them into an archetype’ thing#but again it’s not like there are other more popular owl house ships#but like ‘this ship is better bc they have sex’ they are different shows for different audiences. one of those is not inherently better.#i don’t like catradora bc they’re uwu representation they’re like. more compelling than half the couples on that poll#i did my time in orphan black and the 100 fandom in high school#i HATE clexa they WISH they were catradora#r.txt#i don’t want to seem like i’m saying this stuff doesn’t matter i’m just like this is what’s prompting these conversations??#all this for C/HONI??????
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back on my bullshit its kitty time
#macs doodles#sorry my brain combines all my current interests into one </3#anyways#kazuma kittyu am i right#anyways im working on a yakuza warrior cats au bc im cringe#not tagging this as anything bc erm. you know. cringe disease#macs doodles: yakucats#kittyu
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I'm pretty sure some data entries you get from scanning suggest that the life in 4546b can, in fact, self fertilize and possess both male and female parts.
My guess is it's more common for Leviathans to self fertilize since their numbers, as apex predators, would need to stay fairly low and thus have small clutches along with tending towards being quite territorial about their claimed hunting grounds, but they could also mate as normal if they wanted.
yeah! according to the wiki, a majority of fauna are simultaneous hermaphrodites, and i didnt make celestial leviathans an exception to this. i wouldnt be surprised if they were capable of being autogamous but i expect that it wouldnt be as common as sexual reproduction
but yeah, i expect sexual reproduction >>> autogamy. kind of the whole point is to swap genes and get a good amount of genetic diversity. if too many generations self-fertilize, then the offspring would have more homozygous genes
lets assume this gene is Aa, so Aa x Aa = 25% AA, 50% Aa, 25% aa
and if the offspring turns out to have AA or aa for this gene, then any further offspring gotten from self-fertilizing would have the exact same copy because theres really no other variation from that point forth. do that to enough genes, and that becomes a problem with the low genetic diversity
so yeah! asexual reproduction is still on the table, just that i imagine sexual reproduction would be the more common of the 2, even if the leviathans are territorial
#ask#anon#asexual reproduction is still of a hell of a valid strategy though#look at those female-only lizards!#however they have 2 strategies at least for the new mexico whiptail#which is the species im currently looking at#and its to either asexually reproduce via parthenogenesis#or to fuck the males of a different lizard species thats also in the same genus#wait parthenogenesis is pretty interesting#its when a gamete (sex cell) doesnt combine with another gamete and still produces an embryo#the resulting offspring can have either all or half of the parents clones#and are called full or half clones respectively#oh there are so many breeding strategies. good lord#whatever i wrote in the main post might not be entirely true because there is just. So Many#and i am but one person furiously googling a lot of things#coasting through using my childhood obsession of biology#i mean. yeah i took bio classes but i wouldnt count them because i hardly remember a thing from those#and they were more for fun#reproduction past gametes and diploid haploid etc was just not covered#feel free to correct me if im wrong on any front! please correct me#i dont want to give misinfo and also im fucking vibing over here chilling with my pulled up google pages
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love mexican men in cowboy hats. vaquero tuxedo excellence.
#it’s what fedora men wish they were.#makes me think of all the old men in my extended family#california has a very interesting mixed working class history#and it really combined in my white grandpa being country as hell working the oil fields and my mexican grandma and her family coming from#californios and ranching#god#my poor fucking whitewashed family i’m gonna cry#cannot describe the safety i feel in the mexican american hands that raised me#bc they were the only ones there for me#and it’s so weird and sad how white i am just physically#i don’t want to overstate things like i am 3/4ths white and it’s how i identify but my soul is with that part of that family more than any#and i am just. the last one in my family line that will have their olive undertone and thick black hair and god… the fucking memory of deep#community#ok gn i cry about about once a month
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even before i watched bcs (and even before i watched brba, a little) i found myself imitating saul goodman's mannerisms and phsyicality/gestures. This is because 1. he's attractive 2. I'm already constantly moving my hands and clapping and pointing. I'm not that far off.
#this does NOT apply to my manner of speech however i am a WAYS away from that#irl i tend to use a lot of the same saying every time a certain thing happens#like if it's raining kinda heavy i'll nearly always say ''it's coming down hard''#and there's some words and word-combinations i use ALL the time. like heavy‚ i always say that one. and completely and totally.#im always saying completely and totally#i tend to be slightly verbose but not in the sense that i use a lot of obscure words‚ more that i use a lot of uncommon constructions#and also. adding on the 'getting very attached and repetitive with a certain phrase' thing. the phrases can go in and out of use#when i was like 10 or 11 i used to say 's'all good‚ man' ALL THE TIME#im unfortunately very limited by my trouble with speech and volume :( it's hard for me to make sounds with my mouth#and it's even harder to make them a reasonable volume#although all that can depend on physical conditions. today it was very cold and i was very tired and not dressed for the temperature‚#and i found myself speaking in nigh-gibberish a lot. instead of saying 'yeah man my fingers are like killing me rn' i said something like#''yeahmamma fiŋrsr la kiln me rana''#it's not a dialect thing it was just tough conditions#although dialect is quite interesting#my dialect is for the most part pretty similar to GenAm without too many modifications to classify it in a specific dialect however!#i tend to use pieces from multiple different dialects (mostly varieties of american english)#and most of the time it varies. i can go heavy on elision and vowel reduction too.#like. the way i say it‚ sorry and s'alright and pretty similar. my s'alright sounds like a different dialect's sorry#ANYWAYS sorry for the ramble no im not. this was fun. GOODNIGHT
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I need to re-compartmentalize myself
#too many new intrests being combined with renewed old intests is causing chaos baybee#one part of my brain the beastboy and raven comic is happening#and swirling in some kind of soup in my mind is hannibal and will going over the edge of the cliff but also there is synchronized swimming#in deep forbidden corner is miraculous being beaten into a trashcan with a baseball bat#undertale is just floating around as little pixelated speks#the 1937827282 MANHWAs i am currently reading are hidden behind various curtains#welcome to night vale is just going in the background along with some sea shanties or the song unholy#because my manager played that specific song at least 5 times per hour all day today#ofmd and botw are like goop seeping down the walls#there are also various musicals playing along with the shanties#jane doe is singing and spinning around in there while french prostitution is happening outside#and currently the poetry corner is on fire but like.... aesthetic fire.....#also the spanish words for icecream products at my job are like loose bouncy balls i dumped down the stairs#theese are not even the tio of the iceberg of my interests right now and also none of theese though processes include any of my school work#or thing i have for my job coming up#or most of my friwnd activities#there is just.... SO MUCH going on up in my head right now#bee thoughts#oh my god i ranted for so long so sorry if you read this entire thing#not sorry for the typos and spelling mistakes#bee.txt
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Bro I'm losing my god damn mind and I haven't even messed around with the new gameplay shit like at all. Ive spent the past like 5 hours just reading and looking at shit I haven't even played the damn video game
#rat rambles#oni posting#and unfortunately playing the damn video game will have to wait til tomorrow because its late bug holy shitttttt#this isnt even all of the new content that will be in the full dlc like holy shit#now one bit of sad news for the gamers is that the mysterious machine does not appear to be the temporal bow but it still seems neat#its currently locked tho so I cant comment too much on its full deal#based on in game disriptions tho it appears to be a geothermal generator of sorts#which is actually super cool considering the environmental storytelling surrounding it#well what I assume to be I have only generated one world so it could be some wild coincidence#but Im pretty sure the magma biome is mostly obsidian with only bits and pieces of magma which combined with the geothermal generator#situations and said building being on the cold planet paints a cool pocture#also I wasnt able to 100% comfirm this but uh. erm. I think we Might be getting one extra new dupe once the dlc comes out proper#lets just say I have reason to believe that harold might not be the only moreson to have gotten his dna stolen#its so jover guys how the hell am I supposed to sleep tonight#and worst of all Ive seen like 2 ppl talk abt the beta and it's been minor stuff hello is anyone there can anyone hear me#Im losing my god damn mind someone at least make a video where they just talk abt the new plants and critters and such#like we might Finally have a new oxygen method even if its low key just a cold oxyfern#I forgive it tho because of the context of it using ice as fertilizer#like that doesnt mean a whole lot on this planet but on most other planetoids that provides a rly interested challenge#ultimately it's not That hard to make ice if you have access to any level of cooling but its still cool to imagine how one would go abt#automating the whole process and making it more applicable to late game oxygen demands#also this is a massive update for nosh bean enjoyers as we finally have a second way to get ethanol lol#also the deep fryer is a fun concept even if Im not sure how worth it it'll be to go for it
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jedi oc. jedi oc. jedi oc.
#they grew up in the temple on coruscant. became a padawan at 10? maybe#their master is tasked with traveling the galaxy finding old jedi ruins and artifacts#and using the force to kickstart the healing process on planets that have had huge environmental disasters#(I am kind of combining those two things because I think lots of worlds with jedi ruins would have been decimated by the sith)#(and that's why they were abandoned)#because of all this I think they spend most of their life traveling the galaxy rather than spending much time at the temple#until the clone wars when they get called back to help in the war#I think they start the war as a padawan but get knighted around year two#they are knighted both cause they are ready and cause they need more generals. I think they get a legion? battalion?#idk which they are officially#when order 66 happens I think they are on some kind of combined assault with their former master#their former master is killed but they manage to escape#I think they then spend the next however long sneaking around the galaxy#trying to find and hide/sequester away jedi artifacts that would be of interest to the sith#or destroying the ones they can't to stop the knowledge from getting into hands that would use it for evil#I think they have some kind of sith nemesis... I have thoughts about making my own oc for this as well.#they and their nemesis chase each other around and fight about the artifacts#eventually I think they join the rebellion#they probably take a padawan at some point... maybe they join Luke's new jedi order?#I am using An'ese as the base for them even though An'ese is in swtor not the current time#there is just so much good angst around the clone wars. who doesn't want to make an oc that struggles#jedi
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adding a 4th fic idea to my ever growing list...Although I might be able to combine it with one of the other ones i've started planning...
#muxbution arc would be interesting if it was complicated by the return of ranko/that girl#well me I suppose.#so much of the arc is how we have to be strong how we have to fulfill all these things#and i#what if being weak gave us the chance to explore ourselves#to discover who we could be if we didn't and no one else expected us to be strong#and have to fulfill the duties and expectations of being strong#maybe combine it with the fic i am doing about my exo memories.#because it would be great if the ending of that exploration is...being comfortable enough with being strong but being strong(emotionally)#to advocate for myself and who we want to be.#maybe#idk#crona and westley+willow are probably gonna help us with this idea
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