#I am not actually batshit so I won't (...alone) but like... but... but...

[elainemorisi]

help me help me my child is approaching four and I... sort of... want is too strong a word... but... babies...

[the-writing-goblin]

I am once again thinking about how good the story of the second age is, and all the fun things you could do with an actually decent adaptation. Consider:

Galadriel should be exactly the same as she is in Lord of the Rings. She is older, weirder and more powerful than any elf other elf in Middle Earth. Other elves are just as unnerved by her as mortals, and dealing with her is stressful at the best of times.

Elrond should be an absolute infant. Just, complete baby face. But everyone treats him super respectfully and he has a lot of power and influence. The energy should be the same as when the super ancient and powerful vampire or faerie or whatever looks like a ten year old girl.

ALSO there should be a tall, menacing elf with visible tattoo and facial scars who just. Stands behind Elrond looking intimidating all the time. The least elf-looking elf ever. All the other elves are uncomfortable around them. Elrond should treat them like their an Aunt or Uncle. The elf is one of the few surviving hard-line Feanorians, all of whom follow Elrond. The longer you can go without explaining this, the better.

Gil-Galad is very tired, and spends a lot of time balancing one of the most famously unstable political systems in all of Arda. Galadriel and Elrond both have factions they support to strongly to be relied on to be impartial. The reason he doesn't worry much about what Celebrimbor's up to is that he's the one member of the family who is highly unlikely to attempt something batshit nuts, and his followers are mostly moderate.

Celebrimbor and Annatar/Sauron should spend the whole series playing complicated mindgames with each other.

Annatar is playing four-dimensional chess from the beginning. For him, this is an all or nothing gamble. If he can't make the rings he won't have the power to seize control on his own. He should spend a lot of time having Light Yagami-level monologues where he tries to figure out what game Celebrimbor is playing while outwardly pretending to be harmless and normal and only succeeding at this about 75% of the time.

Celebrimbor should start of thinking the stakes are considerably lower. Like... is Annatar hiding something? Yea, but he figures Annatar doesn't actually have permission from the Valar to be here or something. Not, ya know, Annatar is secretly Satan in disguise. In the first act there should be an almost comical disconnect between the amount of energy Sauron is putting in to these mind games versus Celebrimbor.

Bonus points if as Celebrimbor figures out the truth, you intersperse more and more of his family backstory. The guilt he is still carrying for a lot the things that happened in the first age. Early on bring in the fact that Finrod went into Sauron's jaws alone and it was Curufin's fault, use this as angst material. And then as he figures out who Sauron really is, drop Maedhros and Thangorodrim in like a nuclear bomb.

Because Celebrimbor has seen this play before, and he knows what Sauron does to people. It wasn't even personal then, what Sauron is going to do to him will be so much worse.

And Celebrimbor chooses to forge the three rings anyway. He doesn't give up their locations, even with everything Sauron does to him at the end. And that should be devestating.

[yeonsols-garden]

Now y'all I know that this latest chapter (chapter 153) has been angsty and heart-wrenching but can we just stop and appreciate how much better the art style has gotten and how actually so pretty Yeonwoo is in Haesol's POV like it's stupid it's crazy I haven't been well since I woke up this morning and reread the chapter because are you telling me that even though she thought he was a dude she thought he was the most beautiful person she has ever seen in her life!!!!

Like think about it everyone KANG HAESOL thought Yeonwoo was the most beautiful person she had ever seen!!!

I don't even need her to say it to us you can just tell how absolutely smitten she was from the first moment she saw him based on that first panel!!!

That panel alone of him looking so good like uughhh! That look of surprise and shock as he looks up at her and his big eyes!!!!!

The expression and everything like uuufghhhh! Just oh my God he was Radiating submissive and breedable and I understand her for that because me too!!!

ME FUCKING TOOO!!!

He looked so good in her POV that it's actually wild Haesol is absolutely smitten with him. (LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT BABY!) And you don't even have to tell me she is smitten because I can tell.

What is the icing on the cake is that she was so surprised by the intensity of her own feelings that she thought "Okay this isn't okay. I'm going to just never confront these feelings ever". Then she just sees him without his umbrella and says… "Just talking to him won't hurt" (Her fate was sealed then and there)

This just once again reinforces my headcanon that Haesol's intensity when it comes to her feelings for Yeonwoo is so much and so immense that she is terrified of it herself.

Throughout the manhwa, we get glimpses of this! And recently with the way Esol has emphasized the way Haesol stares at Yeonwoo you cannot tell me she is not obsessed with him in the entirely unhealthy way tops are obsessed with their bottoms because it is exactly that. I KNOW THAT LOOK ANYWHERE HAESOL I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE (She's a freak everyone a freak she wants him so bad it's making her insane)

She is entirely obsessed with him in that way and I am actually foaming at the mouth, wheezing, and going batshit insane because it's crazy!!!

Never have I seen someone more down bad and I am actually on cloud nine.

The angst is also great and in my humble opinion, this breakup is a good thing because their relationship started off on the worst footing a relationship could. Yeonwoo confessed to Haesol, sure, and yeah she may have accepted but the things that you typically do when someone confesses to you are things that they did not do.

Haesol did not affirm that she likes him back and instead added the condition that they need to keep their relationship a secret which was going to become the building blocks for Yeonwoo and his insecurity in their relationship.

Yeonwoo for all his monologue about how much he likes her after that moment he never really says it again. Their differing love languages mixed with the fact that they receive love in different ways meant that a breakup was going to happen eventually. ESPECIALLY because they both think so highly of the other and never want to disappoint the other.

So even though this breakup is devastating don't worry cuz they're going to get back together. This is literally their romance they are going to get back together. So all is well yall. It is a good thing that they broke up, however, because now they get to start back at square one of their relationship and they are going to set the necessary foundations needed so their relationship actually flourishes in the future.

In the meantime let's all fan girl but how pretty these two are because come on they're so pretty.

[kenobster]

Star Wars Reading List

Figured that since Ao3 is down, this might be a good time for y'all to get into reading actual Star Wars books/comics. Thus, here is a list of excellent books that focus on Obi-Wan & Anakin or beloved prequel-era characters.

Note: With whatever credibility I've earned, I ask you to please consider ordering these books from somewhere other than Amazon. Not only is Jeff Bezos a plague upon planet earth, but his site is also wreaking havoc on the publishing industry. Amazon is a huge contributor to current bestsellers sucking and diverse, marginalized voices not getting heard. Local bookstores are best, but even Barnes & Noble is better. I am happy to assist you with an Amazon book boycott if you PM me.

Karen Miller

Reading actual books & comics is gross, you say? Fanfic is more palatable in style to your interests? Not a problem, my friends; do I have the author for you. Karen Miller writes some excellent Obi-Wan & Anakin centric books that feel just like reading fanfiction (if only minus smut XD). The way she writes the protagonists goes deep into the bonds they feel (and/or develop) with each other. If you're used to reading fanfiction, this won't feel much different.

Note to the wise: Don't worry about Karen Traviss—you don't need her.

#1: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth

Even though Wild Space (below) is the first book in this storyline, I recommend starting with this one. The beginning of the book is Obi-Wan & Anakin & Ahsoka engaged in a multipronged battle. From a starfighter, Anakin engages his squad in an air assault while Obi-Wan fights on the ground with Ahsoka. After that, it has one of my favorite Obi-Wan tropes ever in which Anakin spends about four chapters assigning miscellaneous members of the GAR to escort Obi-Wan to the medbay for neglected injuries. (If you like my fic Every Shadow, then you will love this.) Afterward, the story veers toward a mission that Obi-Wan & Anakin embark on together, in which the two of them bicker lovingly whilst exhausting the ever-loving shit out of themselves to endure dire, hostile straits. The amount of sweat, fatigue, and desperation drenching their characters by the end of this novel will make you feel alive.

#2: Clone Wars Gambit: Siege

The direct sequel to Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth, which is no less fun of a read. Oh? You thought the nonstop sweat-drenched, desperation-fueled survival instinct and fatigue were over? You thought that? Cute. Being the direct sequel to Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth, this book starts as Obi-Wan jolts awake from an unexpected, impromptu nap and yells at Anakin for letting him fall asleep in the first place. (In response, Anakin is shrugging like wtf was I supposed to do, we're tired and tired ppl sleep.) In the midst of their argument, the stolen speeder which Anakin is piloting decides to demand an immediate crash-landing in the middle of nowhere. From there, Obi-Wan & Anakin are stranded on a planet under intense Separatist surveillance and are forced to find sanctuary in a local and suspicious village. But this book is titled "Siege" for a reason. Catastrophes are not over, and despite what you may think, they have not yet scraped the absolute bottom of their limits yet. They will though. They will. My favorite scene involves Anakin (running on sheer fumes and willpower alone) throws a tantrum about Obi-Wan healing civilians so much he's practically keeling over. You will like this book. I guarantee it.

#3 Clone Wars: Wild Space

Now that you understand Karen Miller is a fellow author of all your favorite Obi-Wan & Anakin fanfic tropes, you can read her fanficiest fanfic of all published Star Wars material. The amount of Obi-Wan whump in this novel is batshit, y'all. It starts out with a lot of satisfactory Obi-Wan & Anakin scenes, especially re Obi-Wan enduring physical injuries and Anakin being intensely upset and worried. Then, for the second half of the book, Obi-Wan embarks on an investigative mission with Bail Organa based on the Senator's mysterious intel. This leads the two of them to Zigoola, a Sith planet of utter despair and Obi-Wan's worst nightmares. This is the origin story of Obi-Wan & Bail's friendship, but mostly you'll like it because Obi-Wan is so fucked up by the end of it that he can't even stand. The whump cuts deep on a physical, emotional, and cosmic-Force-magic level. A true treat.

When Ao3 is back up, I recommend the incredibly written fanfic A Thousand Satellites by stark2ash as a follow-up to Wild Space.

Matthew Stover

Alright, you're with me on why reading published Star Wars content is good now? You're ready? Amazing. Let me introduce you to one of the most incredible authors of our time. Matthew Stover writes so expertly that his books feel like literary masterpieces, regardless of their inclusion in the Star Wars franchise. If you read nothing else on this list, please read something by him. You will not regret it.

#1 Revenge of the Sith novelization

If you always liked the prequels but felt they were kinda rushed or shallow or failed to adequately suspend your disbelief for certain plot points, then this is the book you should read. Every single aspect of the movie is portrayed with such care in terms of themes, characters, and attention to detail. There is incredible characterization for Obi-Wan—the hopeful but tragic hero of the clone wars; the brilliantly competent and yet endearingly humble Jedi Master. The emotions Stover puts this man through successfully makes us sob rivers, alongside the masterminded and horrifyingly abusive manipulation that Palpatine directs onto Anakin—the child prodigy who struggles so desperately to stay in the Light and ultimately fails. You know how people always watch a movie and come out saying how the book was better? Somehow, Stover managed to achieve this feat after the movie was already released! Again, if you read nothing else, please read this book. Otherwise, I can't talk to you, lol.

#2: Shatterpoint

Since you followed my advice and read the above book (you did read the above book... right?!), I am now assuming you realize Stover is a literary genius and a true master of his craft. Thus, may I present you with Shatterpoint, an equally inspired character study of Jedi Master Mace Windu. You like Mace Windu, right? Yeah, of course! We all do. But I bet the content featuring him has always been a little boring. I bet that makes you a bit nervous to give this book a try because you're worried it will be boring. Well, ho boy you are wrong, my friend. This book is a fascinating deep dive into not only the political landscape surrounding the clone wars but also the human element of what constant war can do to a society. At all times, the book is intense, chilling, and thrillingly page-turning. If you're a loser and don't like Mace Windu, you absolutely will by the end of this. I cannot convey how utterly this book strayed from my usual interests and still managed to zip me through to the very end.

Miscellaneous

Aha! You have read all of the above and are still looking for some more? Well well well, you fucking nerd, you are definitely someone I'd would like to engage in friendly conversation with. XD Now that I've proven my good taste, please add these additionally nerdy books your list.

#1: Brotherhood by Mike Chen

Hey look! It's a canon book! Yeah! This book is canon! And it's good, too! If you always wish for more political/investigative drama in your Star Wars content, Mike Chen has you covered. Obi-Wan is a brilliant Jedi in terms of getting to the bottom of some forensic shenanigans, pulling all-nighters to write persuasive essay-length speeches to extremely important people, evading enemies who intend to do him dead without harming a single one of them, and most notably displaying a strong inclination (and talent!) for diplomacy even when it means doing none of the above. On the side, he maintains an adorable relationship with his newly knighted Padawan, who embarks on an interesting journey of his own. Anakin bonds with a Jedi initiate who is struggling with a intense Force empathy, both of whom decide to go "rescue" Obi-Wan. I love this book. It is one of my all-time Star Wars faves.

Also in this book, Anakin manages to have the most hilarious scifi equivalent of an "I'm going through a tunnel" phone call while talking to Mace Windu. 😂

#2 Master & Apprentice by Claudia Gray

This book is also canon, horray! If you're dissatisfied with many two-dimensional portrayals of Padawan!Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn, then this book will satisfy the relationship you never knew you craved. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan fumble to overcome their rocky dynamic well into their Master-Padawan relationship—causing Obi-Wan a massive amount of anxiety and Qui-Gon a massive amount of guilt. Their miscommunication, however, goes both ways! Both of them are beloved Jedi who are trying really hard to understand each other—and eventually do! Obi-Wan righteously abides by Jedi guidelines, but in the most obnoxious and bratty way possible. XD Meanwhile, Qui-Gon's interest in myth and precognition is actually more complicated and nuanced than it seems. This book characterizes these two characters, including their relationship with each other, not only in the way George Lucas originally intended but also in a super emotionally compelling way.

#3: Dark Disciple by Christie Golden

Quinlan seems to have become a bit of a fanfic favorite for some, but his character is actually a lot more complicated than you'd ever know! Read this book for the beautifully intricate story regarding the choices he has to make and the paths they take him down. He has a hell of a time and he struggles dearly between right and wrong because of it—but the layers of depth to his character, including his devotion to the Light side, his intelligent kindness, and his endearing façade of humor shine through the darkness he is subjected and temporarily falls to. Obi-Wan himself is a central character to this story; likewise, his fierce perspective on forgiveness, atonement, and redemption are essential cornerstones to understanding this novel and his character. Plus, there is some very cute Anakin to boot. If you made it through the other books, then this one is an absolute must-read.

#4: Rogue Planet by Greg Bear

Ever wonder where all the "Barriss Offee once was great" discourse comes from? Ever intrigued when fellow fans talk about the Blood Carver? Well, my friend, you're in luck! This book are both conversations' source. I'll admit, this book is the driest of all of my recommendations, but it is no less worth the read! The moments where Obi-Wan struggles to be a good mentor to Anakin, teenage mom style, are adorable, particularly in the early scenes where he must stop Padawan!Anakin from competing in a podrace-like competition. If you're literally out of things to read, this book will get you over the spell. And after you're done, you'll finally feel knowledgeable enough to start engaging this Barriss Offee discourse!

Comics

Damn it, you're still not with me on the book-reading thing? Books are too wordy for you or something? Sighs, to each their own, I guess. Here's some incredibly well written comic runs that achieve fantastic storylines but with super pretty pictures, too.

#1: Obi-Wan & Anakin (5-issue run in 2016)

The comic in which, despite Palpatine's disgustingly creepy attempts to the contrary, Obi-Wan is an incredible teacher and Anakin is an incredible student. Obi-Wan's style as a Jedi Master is shown to be lovingly wise and gentle. In fact, it is so uplifting that it repeatedly brought me to tears when I read it. Similarly, Anakin's struggles with the Jedi Order are defined with a satisfying level of depth. He is trying and sometimes he fails—but he learns. The storyline overall is gorgeous, both in art and in narrative value, and the ending itself is something truly beautiful. Furthermore, this artist paints Obi-Wan in a way that makes me reconsider my sexuality. You will stare for decades at his face.

#2: Darth Vader (25-issue run from 2017 to 2018)

What happens after ROTS you wonder? How does Darth Sidious begin to instruct his new apprentice? What measures do the surviving Jedi take to attempt to preserve their culture? Where do the Inquisitors come from? How does one "bleed" a Kyber crystal? All of these questions and more are answered in this 2017 comic run (not to be confused with other Darth Vader comic runs). Besides the really interesting worldbuilding immediately post-Order 66, I don't think I've read a comic run this absurdly well-written ever. Of particular note, the author & artist use a sort of magical realism in Darth Vader's Meditative Hellscape™ to convey intricately detailed emotions/metaphors/themes. You have to see it to believe it. For example, I feel the below two pages are so full of depth and meaning that they should be added to any kind of college art/film/fiction curriculum:

#3: Slaves of the Republic (6-issue run from 2008 to 2009)

This comic definitely isn't of the same caliber as the former two, but it's still ideal reading. If you feel the show left some stuff out or should have gone differently or should have handled certain subject matters with greater respect, then this will bring you closure! This comic's issues fills in so many holes in its plots and thematic values left in the Zygerria/Kadavo episodes. It also characterizes its protagonists Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka in a way that makes huge amounts of sense. Obi-Wan is kind and brave and self-sacrificial in a way he failed to be in the show. Anakin is intelligent, compassionate, and competent, especially regarding matters of slavery. And Ahsoka contains the fun characterization of her iteration in earlier seasons before Dave Filoni stripped it from her. The worldbuilding, too, in these comics is much more rich and interesting than their episodic counterparts.

Now that you're done reading comics, I would like to implore you to please please please go back to the top of this post and try again. I prefer fanfic to books a vast majority of the time, too, but I've tailored this list specifically for you. I promise you won't regret the effort.

[eddiegettingshot]

the cheating jokes are funny but also. i truly cannot consider eddie's cheating as being in the same category as hen's or buck's or michael's. maybe i am just an eddie apologist but encountering your dead wife's doppelganger is such a Thing To Have Happen To You. i cannot fathom anyone having a normal reaction to that let alone eddie considering how complicated everything w him and shannon was. like he's not cheating bc it's his first love or whatever reason buck was cheating for (?) or bc he finally came to terms w his sexuality. no no no. eddie is cheating bc he is beyond fucked up over his dead wife and encountered her literal fucking doppelganger. it's so batshit insane i cannot even comprehend how he should have dealt w that aside from shoving it in a box and never thinking about it again which has historically not worked for him.

no i agree with this lol. i was saying that if there were any way to make a cheating storyline even slightly like... not redeemable but play it in a way where it's actually understandable and something a character can move on from - i mean he literally feels like his dead wife came back to life to absolve him - it would be this. that's why i'm not even like, angry about the characterization necessarily (literally i'm still angrier about 7x04 in a lot of ways i won't lie lol), just the execution, the fact that i hate cheating storylines in general, and the fact that we are possibly watching tim minear take us back 2 seasons in real time

[raayllum]

hello what are your thoughts on a rayllum situation a la percy and annabeth in which either or both give up a great power/opportunity to be with each other?

while I’m not really sure we’d ever see this in canon I love the idea of it

So Rayllum has had PJO / Percabeth energy to me for a long time

And I am deeply intrigued by what lengths Rayla and Callum will be willing to go to save each other, as keeping one another safe has always been one of their biggest priorities and brought out their most batshit sides. We already know what Test of Love Rayla is going to have (leaning towards next season but could also see S6) in terms of her being willing to risk the world when Callum is possessed again ("You let him live but you killed us all / You have two choices: you all die, or just the evil wretched human dies") in favour of fighting to break him free and save him. It's already been textually confirmed, symbolically, as well that she will successfully save him.

“Wow. So they look identical, but they might kill you or they might save you,” Callum said.

“Exactly. Just like me…” Rayla smiled. (Book One novelization)

This will of course play a big hand in restoring their relationship, as well as herself, to what they/she used to be. A complete inverse of her "We can't save everyone, there's too much at stake" dismissal in 4x05 that shows how jaded her time alone had made her, traumatizing her to a point nothing else she'd ever been through (almost losing her hand, losing her family, her village, etc) had pushed her to. But of course to Callum, "Rayla is a hero" and that's what makes her who she is, and it's the positive side of her self sacrificial / selfless nature (as the self sacrifice is still alive and kicking in S4 with going after Viren, being the first to give Rex a gift, etc etc as well as the self loathing). Her saving him is the perfect "wrap it up in a bow" of setup and pay off for all of it, and her arc in general from a S1-S5 type deal.

I think there's a lot of layers to Percy's choice to give up immortality in the books (not only for Annabeth, although yes, definitely for her) but also taking into account for what he asks for in its stead: for the gods to be accountable, to pay their dues, in the ways heroes and mortals too often have instead. It shows his maturity, his series long disgust at injustice and unfairness, his beloved impertinence to say what he thinks regardless of the consequences. To honour Luke and all the other fallen demigods, but also himself.

On that level TDP doesn't have quite the same set up (although we'll see about holding humans and Xadia more accountable for the deep history / the Startouch elves as gods) but if Rayla is going to risk the world to save him, then he also has to accordingly risk the world to save her. This is particularly true as Rayla's heroic nature ad deep love for Callum is emphasized in all prior seasons, as well as the latter majorly in S4. We'll have an easy time believing she'd made that kind of decision for him. With S4, it throws a little bit of a wrench into Callum's side of things, but that's all the more reason for him to do it; to reaffirm his massive, life altering, world changing love for her (she, who desperately needs to know she is loved, too, after all this time). After all on his side of things, her absence has to affect him more than shutting down and more than just being obsessed with magic; a "I lost her once, I won't lose her again" justification if he does something batshit for her would give retroactive narrative reasoning on his end, and it'd be very earned, I think (since we see how messed up he is over her absence in 4x01, even after all that time). And again, Rayla cannot only save him - she also has to mess up, to need to be bailed out - in order for her to actually learn her lesson about self worth and sacrifice and why she needs to fucking stay or at the very least, fully accept that Callum will always be coming with her.

After all, they both need the opportunity to choose each other, to save one another, and as always, I think Callum giving up the Key of Aaravos to the villains (whether the Key is just for the prison, or Aaravos' heart, or whatever) if Rayla had gotten captured and her life was on the line makes a lot of sense. Big tag about it here, & masterposts (pre s4 and post s4). So I'd say that's my big percabeth "giving something up majorly for the one you love" schtick.

Either way I can't wait for S5 to make me cry

[thesherrinfordfacility]

am i missing something in kinda comparing the entire maggie and nina situation to paris? 'cause there was no need to get them to fall in love. a&c might not be able to make people actually feel it, but they seem to have mind control down pat without much effort (or any moral quandaries). they could have waited for an angel to show up and just faked it- easy, certain way out. it's not like the idea of working together like that is even weird, not after the gabriel miracle.

so. either they missed it, which is plausible, and uhhh, renders this whole ask pointless, or *would* have moral issues with it (also plausible💀), or they're being completely ridiculous again, and would rather plan balls than actually make an effort to get themselves out of Mortal Fucking Peril (not that aziraphale necessarily knows it is). i think it would fit the pattern, honestly- when not having huge blowouts over *problems of their own making* (hey aziraphale kill this kid it'll be fine, aziraphale why won't you ditch earth with me, crowley why won't you come to heaven with me), the ineffables always seem to be constantly, aggressively orbiting eachother, making heart eyes and goofing off (cough end of the resurrectionists "not kind" cough) with 0 regard for safety except for the (very very sadly i can't find the -ennial word for every other century) occasional heart attack, and then just skipping right back down the aisle.

(hope this is coherent, i've been editing things a little too long to tell)

hello @aq-uatic my darling!!!💕

(bby im so sorry!!! i thought i had posted this ages ago and i went rooting around in the drafts to continue something else and realised i hadn't!!! im an idiot sorry!!!)

i think there is some context behind aziraphale's actions in particular with this scene:

we know that aziraphale has a fondness for maggie, that i'd argue goes slightly beyond the fondness he has for humans in general (and even then that's questionable at times), and he seems genuinely put out that he's not in a position to help her - to wiggle his fingers about, and make it happen for her (horrifying implications, aziraphale, but we move). so, whilst aziraphale obviously is prompted into the whole 'lets-make-these-two-humans-fall-in-love-bc-that's-totally-normal-and-okay' by holding the everyday record back in the bookshop, i think there is an element of aziraphale genuinely wanting to help her, and coming up with the ball is his interpretation of an organic way to do that (💀). but it doesn't justify the whole thing one little bit; despite the possibility of that being his intention, it's completely batshit - nina certainly didnt know, let alone consent, to anything, and maggie didn't either; they're not dolls for either of them to play around with.

essentially though, i agree - any logical, coherent, sensible thinking would have probably just helped them arrive at a solution that didn't involve warping reality and bringing a whole room of people under a horrifying amount of hypnosis. but you have two supernatural creatures who, in a fairly major way by the time of 2023 at least, have their sense of existing amongst humanity influenced by not only the clandestine, dramatic nature of their own story, but by their tendencies towards damsel-but-not-wholly-in-distress-ing and anti-hero-at-best-ing respectively. we have to barely scratch the surface to see the intertextuality between these traits of theirs, and where they might stem from stories told in certain books and movies (emma by jane austen, and james bond spring to mind).

they constantly talk in riddles to each other, in code and in double meanings - they may somewhat understand the general sense of what the other is saying, but it's not categorical and leaves too much room for error or misinterpretation (which, ultimately, it does). it's a constant dance circling each other, ebbing and flowing, pulling in and drawing back, but never coming together properly; it's a quadrille vs. a waltz.

it makes sense that they are so used to finding the most roundabout and convoluted ways to do things, and this continues into s2, because not only is it how it tends to go down in fiction, but also because that's literally how they've had to exist - not only so their closeness isn't detected, or so their true natures aren't suspected by their respective head offices, but also by nature of being literal supernatural creatures living amongst humans - sleeper agents, of a kind - and constantly having to exist without detection.

none of this makes it right, of course not - but i actually don't think they see any other way of going about things. they're so good at it, so well practiced, that (as just two examples) they run verbal rings around gabriel/metatron (book) and beelzebub chattering about the great vs. ineffable plans at the airfield, and they dance around the most straightforward solution to the maggie/nina problem. as for themselves and their relationship, they dont speak plainly to each other until the bandstand or final fifteen... and even then, i feel like its aziraphale that is maybe the first to break and speak plainly? idk:

i think it's clear that crowley is the more scared, and therefore the more cautious, in this regard. for all his objections attempting to distance himself as an angel compared to crowley's being a demon, aziraphale feels to me that he is the more inclined to throw caution to the wind. i think its because crowley understands the danger in blowing their cover a little more than aziraphale does - aziraphale on multiple occasions slips in nearly admitting their closeness (1800, end of 1827 as you pointed out, and when meeting with the archangels in heaven in s1) - and is still stuck in the safety that dancing around what should be plainly said affords them. they both - as you wonderfully put it - aggressively orbit each other, and breaking the holding pattern comes a little too late.

so no, i think your drawing the parallel between the Weird-Ass dynamic in 1793, how they handle the maggie/nina storyline, and then how they behave with each other, is very apt! but its, at this time, arguably all that they've known - acting in this way - and breaking the cycle is starting to happen, but won't pay its dividends until s3✨

[katyspersonal]

More people should get behind the idea of Adeline knowing what she wanted and just being a huge weirdo like that, as opposed to her being a victim of brainwashing on every step!

Like I am not trying to pass my sudden simping for her as something universal others are just not seeing, but don't you guys think that a close person of Maria going against her advice and picking profession she wanted anyways doesn't have at least some autonomy and was simply lured by Laurence's charisma? Don't you think the only patient that is not scared of the horrors of the sea and even yearns for them should be at least somewhat weird? Insane, even. Not to mention that despite talking rather eloquently and appearing mostly stable, she is strapped to the chair and around her body with more belts than any other patient? Maybe she has a history of wanting to bite the doctors from uncontrollable thirst for EYES. xD There is something sinister about her too.

Be it depression that made her not only reject humanity but also reach for the Sea when "normal" patients were terrified, or she is just quirky and sinister like that, or both, but the girl is adamant on ascending. Like I said before, if you like Micolash, Adeline actually might have what you'd like too! There is similarity between 'give me brain fluid so I won't be my lesser, former self' vs 'plant eyes on my brains so my beastly idiocy is cleansed' mindset recited. They are not identical, but are sharing plenty of similar tropes of a sexyman/woman I will be real hfhgcbh

Of course she'd probably not start a murder cult and abort someone's baby for her goals, but like... isn't it even better? She only sacrifices herself, without roping innocent lives down with her. Whereas Rom was blessed by Kos, Adeline appears to have reached her blessing on her own, by simply staying insistent. Like, this takes some CHARACTER to do what no one else could and still stay lucid even at her final stage, when other just-head patients either beg for emotional comfort or went completely batshit. Like, this takes some DETERMINATION. Being loyal to Church's research alone would not do that, but genuinely being invested in eyes and stuff could.

[blossomxlush]

hehehe back at it again

Alright so the origin for this story (I have no idea why I said origin) was that I really wanted to see someone write an izuru Kamakura x reader story where reader was like yumemi yumemite (best girl) from kakeguri only to come to the sad realization.. nobody wrote a story like that So im becoming my dream and writing it for myself (and all my other lovely izuru simps) (tell me why I wrote Simps and it auto corrected to Simpsonville..) Anyways I'mma shut up now with the boring origin and get on with the story 😚 (damnit I said origin again - modhiyoko after finishing the story)

Izuru Kamakura with a S/O that's like yumemi yumemite

p. s this is so long I almost fell asleep before finishing it

another p. s I'm so sorry for my masculine readers but the reader for today's story is female Sorry!

okay so for this we know that you are the shsl popstar (aka super high school level popstar)

(I added that because my idiotic self didn't know what shsl meant until a few months ago)

also rl quick I'mma define who yumemi yumemite is rl quick

(IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED KAKEGURI YET THERE ARE SPOILERS)

Yumemi yumemite is a popstar who only became a popstar because it was supposed to be a temporary hold until she became an actress but she realized that she went places she never thought she would have gone before by being a popstar (she actually said that in one episode) She realized that playing this character was really fun and worth much more then she thought she did hate her fans but even after getting exposed her fans still loved her but she has anger issues either way (like me 😘) so basically she's a batshit crazy popstar and you either love her or hate her because she's a Psycho but adorable (hope that explains it)

okay now I'm actually gonna start with the head cannons

(BTW this is all from my perspective and what I think would happen it's probably a little fannon instead of cannon

Starting off I'll say this everytime you were very interesting to him

on how you could hold up the sweet act for so long in front of a person who disgusts you

how you could fool everyone into thinking that you loved them when you absolutely loathed them

that caught his attention

what also caught his attention was your adorableness

but he could also perfectly see through all of that adorableness was anger and something not so sweet

(a lot of this next part is based off of the episode where yumemi goes up against her icon yukizome in a gamble)

he was for once surprised on how you would have the courage to break your own finger for an act

just to win a gamble

he was truly mesmerized by you

now this is relationship hcs

your anger issues where not a problem for him

he is very patient and is amazing at calming you down

(when she gets mad she litterly flips over tables in her dressing room)

so if you made a mess like this after helping you calm down like he would cuddle you and play with your hair of gently kiss you and bring you somewhere more quiet and alone (probably his dorm or something)

he would help you calm down more there

but he would refuse to leave you alone

he won't leave until your calm because he doesn't want you to go through something like that alone

and after your calmed down he would go back and help put every thing back in its place

if you tried to apologize for acting up

he would immediately shut it down and reassure you it's alright and not your fault for getting angered easily

also if your having trouble with stalker or creepy fans you got a bodyguard by your side

all in all this man loves you very much whether or not your a pretty little Psycho

I got one last little thingy for y'all hehe

am I going to tell you what it is NOPE it's a surprise one shot

(here's a hint if your a girl who loves flowers you'll love this oneshot)

One of yours shows was about to start and you where a nervous wreck why? because this is the first show your boyfriend izuru Kamakura was going to be at but even through all that nervousness you stepped on that stage ready to perform this wasn't a gamble show just one of your usual concerts but you were even more nervous about this rather then your gambles

but your going to give it your all

after the show

Hearing all of the people in the audience giving their applause you gave a bow and said your usual thanks for everyone coming walking into your dressing room you got a text from your boyfriend izuru Kamakura

izuru: I have something for you

you: oh?.. what is it?

just then you heard a knock on your dressing room door your assistant offered to get it but you did instead you open it to find izuru Kamakura standing outside your door holding something

you were very nervous on his thoughts on the show but you were still curious about what he had for you

hello ízuru you smiled at him walking out the dressing room closing the door behind you

he didn't reply but he did hand you something

a bouquet of [insert favorite flowers]

you blushed at it then looked up him

he then spoke softly "I got these because there not only as beautiful as you but now I realized their also beautiful like your singing"

you were about to say something before he continued

"don't doubt if when I say you truly are beautiful and might I say adorable when you smile after your performance how you are so full of energy on stage how you don't fail to thank everyone for being there... it's seems I have found myself falling more and more Inlove with you each time you show me a new side of you" he said then smiled a bit before placing a kiss on your lips

i-izuru you said tumbling your words not being able to even tell if you were still awake

you felt like you were going to collapse or melt from all the sweetness

he pulled you into a hug once he noticed your blushing form leaning forward

"don't faint dear" he chuckled

I can't it's to sweet you replied

"you think this is sweet I'm just merely showing the surface of sweetness because -" he cut off before leaning down to whisper in your ear before continuing

"I have a lot more sweetness saved for you later tonight"

EEEEEEEK I hope this was a good enough make up for the last story I half assed.

who wants a NSFW part two? just me? alright 🥲

stay spooky-modhiyoko

[littleprincessfawn]

I just went absolutely INSANE on Facebook. I set the post to private now but it was up for about 15 minutes. In my defence I did stop taking the PMDD (pre menstrual dysphoric disorder) birth control medication that helps me manage my crazy. But still... I don't think my period is even due. I just full on flipped out on everyone. I won't explain all the small straws that have been piled up on me to get to this point. They don't matter, because even though I'm getting a lot of crap, that's no excuse for me just allowing myself to be absolutely honest and flippin' NUTS about it. Will attach the post here though because Tumblr is a place for honesty. Facebook is not, and I should know this by now. So much regret. But still. Everything I said. It's true in how I feel. It's true in what I'm experiencing.

Oh yeah awhile back I said I had anger I was suppressing?

I guess I, uh, stopped suppressing it for a sec there...

💙 = me | 💚 = my child's nicknames

tw. for a heck load like leukemia, crazy rants, sex offender mention, me being just batshit over the top, medical stuff, suicidal ideation.

Also reassuring tumblr people that I am actually okay, just... lost, angry, scared, alone. My child is also having mental health problems that have me VERY worried. Is the background for my stress levels reaching critical melting point today.

[goodmode]

Okay , So we covered, Pokemon and Genshin Impact but what I wanna know is what Transformer partners would your characters likely team up with and why? :3

HOO (doing tfp only because. it's the only one i know lmao)

cole would absolutely make fast firm friends with smokescreen. they both like going fast and being reckless but also trying to do the right thing and failing at it, and i can picture cole taking 1 ride in smokescreen's altmode and going "ok hell yeah i'm going to be doing this forever. what do we call this? joyriding? i'm in". he would probably get along with knock out for the same reason. cole knows how to keep his hands to himself so i imagine he'd be a pretty good passenger for a transformer to be honest. except when he puts his filthy boots up on the dash, which both k/o and smokescreen would shriek at him for

corvidan would like arcee i think. she probably rescues his dumb ass from a Situation and he has a moment where he's sitting on this motorcycle zooming along a highway and is like "wow this is like riding my dragon girlfriend except without the dragon. feeling kind of weird about this now actually. actually yeah psychologically impaired right now can i get off" and arcee pulls over and corv attempts to explain that it's not her, it's him, also he has a girlfriend. arcee is like "that's great but i'm into women. also i am a motorcycle. youre being extremely weird about this rescue. you are MAKING this rescue weird" and corv would be like hmm point taken. and then they would be awkward friends who complain about everyone else (cole, smokescreen, k/o) being reckless

turo would probably end up with the decepticons by accident. like, he's learning Alien Robot Mechabiology as fast as he can and accidentally gets really good at modding and one of the decepticons is like oh shit dangerous asset, we're kidnapping you. and it's an extremely dangerous line that he's walking because he does have the know-how to singlehandedly do another Fucked Up Zombie Breakdown War Crime situation and everyone sort of knows it and is unnerved by this weird human creature with no apparent moral boundaries so they keep him on a tight leash. he falls in with shockwave and helps him around the lab. meanwhile, soundwave inexplicably is fascinated by him. turo is putting out radiation you've never heard of. soundwave would love to know why. also he seems kind of morally batshit which soundwave seems to think is extremely amusing for some reason, though it is annoying when turo accidentally commits yet another scientific war crime against robotkind every other week

kincaid falls in with knock out for SURE. he just thinks knock out is extremely funny. knock out probably hates him. knock out stops paying attention for half a second and this human shaped bitch is lounging languidly on his shoulder or sprawled on his head or sitting pretty on a wing door. knock out cannot get rid of him because he's too fast to smack away and kincaid thinks knock out is a prime source of entertainment so he won't leave him alone. Tiny Vampire Bullies The Shit Out Of Giant Robot. i think they eventually learn to coexist though. catch knock out and kincaid eventually begrudgingly getting along and muttering to each other and then looking directly at you like girls at a party who you KNOW were just talking about you

meuric is the starscream to geel's megatron. but they don't get along. meuric hates starscream and starscream hates meuric. this is because deep down meuric was a good person once and he sees what starscream became and it feels like a mirror and that is maybe the Worst. anything else about meuric depends on what prince geel does, because he's fiercely loyal

including bug this time because i've been thinking about them a lot lately! bug joins up with the decepticons and hangs out on the ship doing cleaning, living in the walls like some kind of benevolent cockroach. the decepticons have tried to get rid of them like eight times and they just keep surviving. eventually someone realised they're actually sentient, and going around mopping the ceilings and checking the ventilation and wiring is all up to standard, so they get left alone after that. amazing the kind of intel you can pick up when you pretend to be a janitor. and then when shit goes sideways, bug abandons ship and goes straight to the autobots and dumps months' worth of intelligence on them all. bug in every setting is that one janitor that listens to everything and then defects and it'd be no different here

[literaphobe]

I feel like ur missing out on alot of important context by not having watched the last few seasons, and therefore jumping to conclusions about the whole destiel thing. Like, it wasn't a sudden confession, this whole season has been building up to it... & the whole meta narrative is that God (the author) is trying to orchestrate a tragic ending, and it's repeatedly implied this will have to be subverted by the characters' Free Will. Aka, cas won't stay dead bcos that's part of God's ideal ending

i think what’s great about this situation is that it really doesn’t matter what is actually narratively going on here. i think it is HILARIOUS that jensen ackles, KNOWN homophobe, had to BE in a gay love confession scene. i’m not... trying to cancel supernatural for this scene. i have no interest in doing that ❤️ i am simply going batshit and having the time of my life ❤️ genuinely sorry if ur into supernatural and find it entertaining and i mean that with. almost no malice. on one hand it is just a misogynistic racist homophobic show about cis white men. that kills off women, and characters of color. and even when fans campaign to bring back a black female character from 13 seasons ago she gets killed off AGAIN like fjdjdjdjdn it’s. one of those things where this show objectively treats its viewers and fans like shit. but for the most part we can’t help the things we like. so i’m sorry because i really wish y’all were interested in a show where the cast and writers care about u more. and looking at what jensen ALONE has done that is clearly not the case fjdjdjdjd

[finex7]

do you like me, do you not like me. do I like you, do I not like you. what are we? what are we... my friend says we're like 12-year-olds. my other friends say I'm too good for you. you say you're worried that I'll kill myself. I don't know what to do.

I do know what to do. get a fucking job. get busy. survive all of this.

I remember my old plan. I can't follow it anymore. you ruined it for me! you made me feel all guilty and bad about making you feel helpless and frustrated from trying to help me get better. now I can't just die because of your stupid feelings! why do you care?? what difference does it make to you whether I'm dead or alive... you're not my family, you've never even seen me.

why do you get so fucking worried. why does it hurt you so much. why are you so scared of it. it's me. it's my life, my death, my illness. my fault. why did you ever get attached to me... it got me attached to you. and now I can't just leave you... I feel responsible.

it's suffocating me. it feels like my heart is going to come out of my chest... if I didn't know better, I might confuse it for a heart attack.

you make me laugh, you make me cry, like no one else. I don't know how we found each other. this is too much. I am overwhelmed. you must be, too. choices, choices... I can't believe I have to make decisions for myself. how am I supposed to *choose* if I want to tie myself to you or never see you again. jesus. this is impossible.

and how dare you want to avoid me, to leave me alone in all of this. as if it's gonna go away on its own. this is so messy. I can't believe you didn't tell your therapist about this, I've thought about telling her myself. I'm not going to, because I imagine you'd find it very offensive. then again, you've spoken to my therapist before, hadn't you. I don't actually remember. maybe you never did. ah, I don't know what to do.

I don't know if I can sleep. my hair is stupid dirty. I was supposed to have washed it yesterday, or the day before... but nope. it's still fucking dirty. it's so cold, too. bitterly cold. I hate everything so much right now!

and I'm hungry, too. of course. I've barely eaten anything today! and I say I want to gain weight. my god. maybe I'm going to die of anorexia and just - lol, who am I kidding, that would take months.

I KNOW. you don't want me to die in a ditch. you hate that idea so much. why, though?? why are you soooo upset. why me? why did you get so attached to me and not someone else? what do you see in me.

a victim? a little girl? a damsel in distress? I suspect that you see yourself. I don't know how to ask you this. you always ignore all of my questions. you fucking thick head. and then you have the gall to say I'm the stubborn one. I was hard to argue with, but you're impossible. at least I used to talk to you...

or talk to myself at you. I'm sorry. those screenshots were painful to read, I'll tell you that. I could feel your pain through it, too. I just sounded so... well, batshit insane. why didn't you just give up on me?

maybe you did, or you tried to, and you keep trying, and I just won't let you go. I love you. I don't love you. I've never loved you. I've always loved you?

I don't know!

[briarishealing]

Hi all. To be honest, I don't know how to start this blog. But I guess I'll do what normal people do when you meet someone new and introduce myself.

My name is Briar. I like dogs and can talk about books literally all day. I'm addicted to caffeine and enjoy getting lost in the worlds I've made up in my head so that I can pretend I'm anywhere but here and anyone but me.

My therapist told me I should start journaling, but for some reason, I decided to make this Tumblr instead. I've been on Tumblr for 10+ years, mainly with fan accounts, but it's always been easier for me to talk about my emotions here. It's easier to talk to strangers than the people I know about my struggles and traumas.

Anyway, I've made this blog to write out my feelings during my sad girl hours and hopefully start healing from the 18+ years of trauma.

I won't go into the whole tragic backstory yet, because where's the fun in that? I need to leave the people in suspense. If any people end up actually reading what I write.

I have complex post-traumatic stress disorder and am a survivor of far too many things. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of surviving all the bullshit thrown at me, but I was just a kid for most of it. Young me deserved better. I deserve better.

I like to joke and say, "I'm just another girl with childhood trauma and daddy issues," when I'm talking to my friends. I never really like going into detail. Mainly because I'm the funny one, and making others laugh and feel better makes me feel like I'm actually worth something.

So if you want to join me in my healing journey, welcome. I'm hoping to maybe find more people like me. I know I can join a support group, but being face-to-face in a room full of strangers sharing my deepest traumas isn't something I can really handle.

I want this to be a safe space for not only me but for everyone who follows. I want others to be able to share their stories. To talk about how they feel with no judgment. Because that's the first step to healing. It's a step I'm struggling with, just talking about it, but as we've established, that's why I made this account.

So, welcome to the chaotic life of Briar. I hope it makes me and you feel less alone in this batshit world.