#I am starting to regret not having taken screenshots of all of them

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

I'm sorry for the way I acted and spoke.

No ifs, and, or buts about it. Not gonna try to justify the way I acted.

I was aggressive and uncouth, and I know I definitely hurt people, if nothing else, by being aggressive.

I didn't mean to start a "witch hunt" on any of the blogs involved in the screenshot post, including @soapskneebrace , @groguspicklejar and @glossysoap .

But I know that I *am* guilty of causing a commotion and causing people to view those blogs in a bad light.

I deeply regret the fact I was aggressive, that I caused a commotion/"witch hunt" and that I basically "broadcasted" a bad image of these blogs to my followers (and anyone else who saw my account/posts on the dashboard).

That was wrong of me and I won't try to justify it for any reason. I was blinded by my hurt, but that doesn't make what I did any better, nor does it suddenly make me innocent.

This makes me a gigantic hypocrite, because I did not realize, in my anger/revolt, that I was guilty of doing to these blogs the same thing I was accusing them of doing to Myka.

I apologize if my actions caused anyone to go harass any of the three of you and, especially, the ones that have had to turn off their anon asks, because I assume you got some hate as well. I didn't intend to encourage anyone to speak to you in a disrespectful way, if that was the case.

I don't think any of the blogs involved are bad people. I don't think they're evil. I only wanted them to recognize a bad behavior. Their behavior doesn't suddenly make them bad people. They made a mistake. And I don't want any one of them to think I believe they're a bad person.

My actions came from a place of hurt, worry, and, especially, frustration, at the belief that someone (Myka) who was already not doing well mentally was shown so much disgust and hatred that they were driven to a point of harming themselves for it.

Not just that, but it also frightened me, very much so, to see people be so callous about someone taking their life. I felt like those blogs should take accountability because realistically their actions still hurt another human being. But that doesn't mean they/you deserve harassment or to be treated poorly.

I would also like to add that Gaz erasure *is* a real thing and I whole-heartedly agree that there are plenty of situations of that in the fandom. Have seen them myself and even Activision often excludes Gaz from their own materials. I don't support Gaz erasure in any way.

My hashtag was in poor taste and I know it can and likely will be taken out of context. I enjoy Gaz as a character, love him, and did not intend to ever make it seem like I ever believed Gaz erasure didn't exist. My hashtag, however, spreads a harmful narrative and viewpoint that I don't believe. That is not what I meant when I used it but it is what ended up happening, and for that I'm deeply ashamed.

All I was trying to do with the hashtag was call attention to the misinterpretation of the original post, because it was never meant to exclude Gaz in the first place. The hashtag wasn't meant to say Gaz erasure doesn't exist.

I understand how disgusting that tag is and how easily it can/will be misconstrued, as well as the fact it will give way for bad people to say bad/toxic things about Gaz as a character. I will be deleting the hashtag off all my posts and I appreciate wholeheartedly that you all called me out on my use of that hashtag. You were all correct, and my behavior was wrong.

That being said, I try to be an honest person. I'm not gonna delete any of the posts I made, nor any of the asks I've answered, much less the first post I made explaining my actions. I don't think it would be fair or right of me to delete them and wash my hands of them or act like it didn't happen. I want to be held accountable for this. It happened, I'm sorry, and I'm not going to delete them and hide.

Finally, you're free to call me gullible for believing sheheal when it comes to Myka's death, and I will embrace that, because I'd rather have stood by them and have it be proven to not be true/be a hoax, versus not have stood by them and have it be proven true and feel like I was complicit in it. I know it's selfish of me to want to ease my conscious or feel less guilt, but I don't want to be a cynic about someone's death or pain.

I hope you're all okay, this was not an easy situation to deal with, for anyone involved and I hope you all have support systems in place and ways of clearing your heads. I hope you're all healthy and safe.

All of you are welcome to reach out to me if you need to. We can discuss it more because none of us acted alone and I don't want any of you to feel alone.

[fragmentedblade]

Wait, are the heliobi spherical forms designed after Chinese opera masks?

[cpericardium]

So! I've gotten a host of messages and asks regarding recent disk horse and I wanted to address them as a collective. I know I have anon asks off, I won't share your URLs, but I do want to thank you for asking and clarifying some of the frankly vile things people have been saying about me, my girlfriend, and friends. I value those of you who offered your words of support, and didn't jump to believe screenshots taken out of context and lies written with the utmost confidence and none of the facts. I am a little tired of having my morals questioned and my views conflated with every single person I associate with, but there it goes.

Some questions and answers under the cut. Feel free to continue asking and I'll do my best to answer.

tumblr user cpericardium suspiciously silent on the subject of Gaza: does this mean you support ethnic cleansing???

My reticence when it comes to posting about topics like I/P is because:

-This is a fandom blog intended for lighter topics, except maybe the occasional vent about life stuff, which I usually hide under a cut. I don't have sideblogs. They seem tough to maintain and I don't post nearly enough to justify it. If I were to make one it would be for another fandom or maybe just the freakier bugs. I simply prefer my social media experience to be stress-free.

-Anti-slacktivism. It's a documented thing: posting about an issue makes you feel like you're doing something, you get that little shot of dopamine, so you don't actually go out and do something that effects meaningful change. I'm trying to do less of that. I'm good with the friends and people I follow who choose to post about it and this is a strictly personal belief, but when I engage in activism, it is offline or it is a donation. You're not going to hear about it.

But don't you reblog lgbt and women's rights posts?

Yeah, and that's usually when I want to save a post for one reason or another (e.g. to talk about with someone on discord later). The bottom line is that the main purpose of my blog is not to post political takes or to spread awareness of anything. It is just a collection of my interests (fan stuff, bugs) and hopefully a way to share those interests with like-minded people.

I will state my views clearly for the record: I support Palestine. The ongoing genocide is heartbreaking and so is the violence against protestors. Additionally, I am against antisemitism and the harassment of Jewish people in the name of supporting Palestine. This shouldn't even need to be said.

Is your girlfriend a Zionist?

No.

Does she support Zionists?

No.

Wasn't she in the military?

Yes, years ago.

But the military is evil?

It is. She's extremely hardcore anti-war, does not believe the US should even have an army, and actively PMs strangers on reddit to try to convince them to not make the same mistake. If they're dead set anyway, she gives them detailed advice on how to survive. Because she actually cares about the human cost of war, not the social clout gained from shunning or sneering at people who make wrongheaded choices. I have seen her doing this, seen her seeking to understand their reasons for joining so she can systematically explain—from personal experience!—why they're not going to get any of that out of the army. It is a hell of a lot more effective than bitching them out or writing callout posts or starting whisper campaigns about them. She cannot delete those years of her life no matter how much she regrets them. There is only forward. I think we can all agree on that.

But what about all those things she said. "I regret nothing, I have no qualms, VA nipple money etc."

Well you have to understand that while of generally upright character, she is a bit of a scamp. She believes she fundamentally should not have to explain herself to randos who do not know her, who have never, not once, interacted with her, who are clearly digging for dirt and will twist anything she says no matter how banal. People see what they want to see and they look for evidence to reinforce their preconceptions; they'll go so far as to make alts to join servers, cherry-pick screencaps, crop them, and conveniently fill in the rest of the narrative for curious onlookers. So she decided to exaggerate and amplify and twirl her mustache like a supervillain. Give them a show, as it were.

To be clear, I'm not sold on this strat because it makes her look cartoonishly evil to people who can't understand sarcasm and hyperbole. But her friends and I are aware of her actual beliefs and also that she did not in fact do those things people imagine she did. And isn't that what matters? Real-life harm? Do you even care?

Re: screenshots/so-called proof from shakertwelve & lakesbian's "callouts"

Girlfriend addresses them here.

[vioartemis]

Mine (part 2)

(Wednesday Addams x fem! reader)

Summary: Your girlfriend's stalker seems to know a lot about your breakup with Enid... Part 1 || Part 2 Warnings: none a/n: I struggle writing lately, but I'll try to motivate myself more because I have so many ideas 😭 (English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if there are mistakes or if something doesn't make sense TvT)

A few months after you started dating Wednesday, you discovered your girlfriend had a stalker. Neither of you had an idea of who it could be, but one thing was clear: this person was up to no good.

The raven had already been threatened multiple times by her stalker but didn't pay any attention to it, thinking it was just a prank. It was only when her stalker started threatening to hurt you that she started to be worried.

You were her whole life, her reason to live. She couldn't lose you; she wouldn't know what to do without you. Now that she had you, she was ready to do everything in her power to make sure you would remain hers. Forever.

Her only problem was she didn't know who the stalker was. Usually, she would have just investigated to figure it out, but she couldn't bring you with her, knowing it might be dangerous. She also couldn't let you alone while she was away, that would give the stalker a good opportunity to hurt you.

In this moment, she almost regretted you had no friends anymore. Almost. She still believed she was all you needed.

When she had to leave you, even for a short amount of time, she would ask Thing to stay and keep an eye on you, to make sure you were safe.

What she didn't know was that the stalker -whoever it was- had no intention to harm you. Not physically at least. Of course not. Even if you were to die, the pain caused to Wednesday wouldn't be enough. She had to suffer. And they had found the perfect way to do so.

One day when Weems had called Wednesday in her office, you received a text from an unknown number.

'Your girlfriend is a toxic, manipulative liar. Here are the 'proofs' of Enid cheating on you. It's Wednesday who edited the pictures and sent them to you.'

You couldn't believe your eyes. Even with the screenshots sent by the stalker -because it was obviously them- you couldn't believe it. You didn't want to.

You decided to wait until your girlfriend got back from Weems' office and confront her.

"I'm back my love, did something happen while I was gone?" she asked right away, as per usual, the second she stepped into the room

"Actually... yes, something happened. I uh... I received a text, probably from the stalker"

Wednesday snapped her head at you the moment she heard the 'yes', blinking.

"What? Show me."

You purposefully held the phone away from her.

"Answer me first; were you the one who sent me the pictures of Enid 'cheating on me'?" you asked as calmly as you could

She certainly was taken aback by your sudden question, and it was clear she was thinking of the best answer to give you.

She could lie to you, tell you she didn’t do anything. But if you had real evidence, you would hate her if she lied. More than you would hate her if you knew what she’d done.

She was going to have to tell you the truth, it was the best thing to do to make sure she wouldn’t lose you.

"Yes. It was me."

You felt your heart sink at her words. You would've never thought she would do something like that.

"... Why?"

"It was for your own good, Y/n, I-"

"For my own good? You hurt me for my own good?" you cut her off, your anger building up "You ruined a perfectly good and healthy relationship that made me happy!"

"She wouldn't have made you happy a long time. You were not meant to be. I know I am the one for you. Aren't you more happy with me, cara mia?"

She spoke calmy and took your hand in hers softly. This simple touch was almost enough to calm you down.

"I am. But this... this is not healthy. Everything is based on a lie..."

"I did it for you. For us."

"No. No. You did it for you."

The anger was back, and made you snatch your hand away from hers before continuing.

"It was never about me. You just couldn't bear to see me with someone else. You had to have me all for yourself, didn't you? No matter how that would hurt me."

"No, that is not-"

"It is. It's exactly what it is. You're just selfish, Wednesday. Did you ever even considered the fact that I might not develop feelings for you? That you might have ruined my life?"

She did not consider it, not even once. She was sure you would love her because you were meant to be, weren't you? She could feel it. She couldn't explain it, but she knew you were made for her and vice versa.

She believed you were her soulmate, but she never realized she might not be yours. That would be cruel. And not how she liked it.

"Y/n-"

"No." you raised your hand and grabbed your bag "I'm going to my dorm. Don't follow me."

You didn't let her say anything else and stormed out of her room. You were angry and felt betrayed. You just wanted to be alone.

Wednesday watched you leave, her stomach twisted uncomfortably. She wanted to follow you, to call you back, to do anything to make sure she wasn't losing you. But you told her not to, and it would upset you more if she did.

She couldn't lose you. Not now, not after everything she'd done. You loved her, she knew it. Yet, she couldn't help but feel nervous. What if you went to Enid? What if she still loved you and tried to get you back?

She didn't have news of you for the next two days. You were doing your best to avoid her, and she didn't like it. It was torture -and not the good kind.

It was torture for you too, as much as you hated to admit it. You missed her so much. It was almost concerning how fast she got you addicted to her. You wanted to come back to her, hug her, kiss her... But you were mad she lied to you. And you wanted her to understand that.

But again, you missed her. So so much. You had trouble sleeping at night without her, and during the day you just missed her sarcastic remarks, the feeling of her hand in yours, the way she looks at you like you're the eighth wonder of the world.

You just couldn't stay away from her any longer.

You barged in her dorm after classes that day and grabbed her face to kiss her, not even letting her the time to understand what was happening.

She was taken aback by your sudden arrival after three days without even looking at her, but that meant you weren't leaving her, and that was the most important to her.

She held you close, hands on your waist, while she kissed you back. She'd missed that as much as you did.

After a moment, you pulled away.

"I'm still mad at you. But I just can't seem to be without you..."

"Cara mia-"

"No, let me talk, please"

Your girlfriend looked at you and nodded, a bit nervous about what you were about to say next.

"No more lies, and no more things like that, okay?"

"Of course, mi amor. I promise you I will be fully transparent now."

You smile at her words.

"Okay, I believe you. I love you Wednesday"

She nodded at your answer. She was relieved that you believed her, that you still loved her.

If she was determined to discover who her stalker was before, now she was ready to do everything in her power to figure it out. Whoever it was, they tried to take you away from her. And that she would not forgive.

[Previous part]

[hoofusdoofus]

Posting this to tumblr, as well. Breaking my silence here because I am being accused of something fucking heinous. My ex is now claiming I "groomed" them when they were 16 and I was 18. This is mathematically impossible. We are 7 months apart in age. They were born April 2000, I was born August 1999. More evidence debunking this claim is presented below the readmore. Evidence includes unedited screencaps from our chatlogs over the years, my literal drivers license, and screenshots directly from their twitter.

They have also made claim that I manipulated them when we broke up. This is also untrue. As far as I was aware, the breakup was entirely amicable. As proof, here is our conversation on telegram, dated July 3rd, 2020. The last time I even interacted with them was on this date.

If you still have doubts at this, I am more than willing to submit photos of my driver's license with my date of birth as additional hard evidence. anything that happened between us was between two consenting people of similar age, again unless they lied to me about their age. In fact, just to help illustrate my point: Consent was and is important to me and always has been. Here is a conversation from 2018 (while we were still dating) in which I explicitly mention I would not do anything to them/with them without consent.

I am deeply, deeply hurt that our previous relationship is being twisted and taken advantage of like this. I cared a great deal about them and have wished nothing but the best for them. Please do not engage with them or harrass them. I am merely setting the record straight. EDITED AS OF 10:47 PM, 04/10/2024 I'm editing to add additional context and information, pulled riectly from my own twitter thread on the matter. Just one final bit of proof. since I was asked for it. Here is my license, with anything particularly vulnerable scrubbed for my own personal safety. I was born August 9th, 1999.

Just to again, provide absolute mathematical proof that their claim is straight up wrong: Based on the ages listed in their bio for the last several years and our own conversations, they were born in april of 2000. Making them 24 as of 3 days ago. I am 24.

Their claim is that I groomed them when I was 18 and they were 16. Here it is, directly from their twitter. Our birthdays are literally only 7 months and 30 days apart. There is literally no way for me to be 18 when they were 16.

Yes. This does mean I was underage when I joined the community, as I joined in august of 2016. It was something deeply wrong of me and I do apologize. Starting out my interactions with the community on a basis that I was older than I actually was was incredibly fucked of me It is one of my biggest regrets, but it is entirely self inflicted. I do not expect anybody to forgive me for that and if anybody wishes to no longer be in contact with me for that, I understand and do not blame you. I am bringing this all to light in order to clear my name against these accusations. I have done wrong shit in my past. I lied about myself for years and quietly adjusted when the guilt got to me. But I never once did anything to Nova with the intent to harm or groom them. I never manipulated or purposely mistreated them. I have records in the form of chatlogs to show that I tried to be there for them, doing all i could as a partner. I will not be sharing these unless necessary, as I do not wish to publicize their struggles with mental health. Ultimately, maybe this is a direct consequence of me lying when I was young. In a way I am reaping when I sowed. I dont know If I ever told Nova my true age, and perhaps this misunderstanding is the root. We were both minors when we started dating, in October of 2016. I do not blame nova for levying these accusations if that is the case. Nor do I wish any sort of ill will or harm on them. I've stated it before, and I will say it again: Please do not pursue them or harass or bother them. Leave them be. I simply wanted to set the record straight

[changingplumbob]

hii!! 11-14 for the story questions

Hooray a chance to talk!!! And I actually really wanted to do these 4! Thank you Lori 😁 I'm throwing in a cut just because I write long answers, don't want to be cluttering dashboards.

11) Why have you decided to tell this story? Are there any messages or meanings within it?

It was about 6 months of me playing my rotations before I had the thought to record what was happening in story format. I was actually sticking with households and wanted to be able to look back and see how far they'd come, so I decided to start writing and taking screenshots. I've always liked creative writing throughout my life, but have been reluctant to share it, there's so much talent out there. I enjoyed writing about my sims so wanted to share it, mainly so I could talk to people about my sims because I have such fun playing.

Messages or meanings... I try to write most of my sims as being accepting. There's a lot of hate and bigotry in our world, and I like writing a world where there is minimal prejudice. Samir will never have to face sims distrusting him simply because he is of Arab descent. Devin will never face discrimination in casting simply because she is married to a woman. Joey will never have his job performance questioned simply because he has hearing loss.

I do write a few mean and narrow minded sims but they are few and far between. They are mainly there to add some realism but I want my sims to feel safe being who they are. So messages... judge someone for their character, not something that they have no control over (ethnicity, sexuality, gender, disability).

12) Do you actually play the game or do you just use it as a storytelling medium?

I LOVE playing! I preordered Sims 4! However, patience is not my strong suit. The longest I've played one household lasted from the teens in a household growing to YA and having a baby... I was the master of making a household, playing for a few in game weeks, then getting bored. Rotational play is great for me as it helps me stay invested, plus I love to micro manage.

I do consider that I'm playing my game and just recording what happens for the most part, Reece and Samir are the only ones I think of as me crafting a story. Apart from them I play pretty unplanned.

13) From basic planning to a finished post, how long does that take you?

I like to play, take screenshots, then write for those before returning to the game for another round of playing. Let me check some dates... The next households first part screenshots were taken on Jan 28th and I finished playing the household on Feb 3rd. Looks like I created the word document on Jan 28th and it was last edited on Feb 4th.

So 8 days to play and write the chapter. I'd guess another day to finish queuing the posts (I also do these as I go). But that is probably one of the faster ones. This latest one I've done has taken me over 2 weeks, yes I was away for a portion of that, and I've still not finished the writing. I'm currently unemployed so I have the time to spend on it. When I find a new job I imagine average creation time will double or triple.

Drafts from the past take about 3 minutes as it's just me getting a screenshot of whatever weirdness is happening and putting it in a post. Lookbooks can take several hours to string together, or less than 1 if I'm not providing new outfits. Build or Reno posts take maybe half an hour to put together, providing I took the screenshots I need. This post took me an hour to write because I'm having an IBS flare up and thinking deeply.

14) Do you have any regrets about your story so far? if you could go back in time, how would you fix these?

I am not a big one for regret in real life. I was for a long time but now I try to see the past as "things happened, I did the best I could in the circumstances with my resources and what I knew".

I do somewhat regret putting my earlier writing straight on Twitter with no copy to my hard drive because all that story is essentially lost to the black hole of the internet. BUT that's taught me to keep records of what I'm doing.

Story regrets... nope. I've sat here for 5 minutes and cannot think of one. I do feel sad about making all of Marta's family dead but I don't regret that choice. What I have done with my sims are things that made sense for the characters.

[hairdestroyer]

TW: Grooming, mentions of NSFW content, mentions of s/h & sV!c!de

The tags are the fandoms he’s most active in so please be cautious, everyone

Okay, I was initially planning on waiting until I had taken screenshots of my own to talk about this, but I then realized I can make a separate post, this is serious and has gone on long enough so it’s time I mentioned it. However, before I do, this is not some big creator, I realize that, but they are a /very/ active user and though I only have screenshots from one victim and soon my own screenshots, there are at least five, possibly six, more that I know of, but I am no longer in contact with most of those people and I don’t want to go asking people to unblock someone like this. If they want to come out about this, that’s their choice, not mine. And, yes, you read that right. Five others.

This post is about @Mauroisthattired on Pinterest or @joshuakidd on here.

Because I know you’ll see this, hi, Josh, don’t even think about sending people my age and younger to beg me to take this down and forgive you again, you did these things, you are aware you did these things, now here are the consequences. And because I know you will, don’t you DARE hang your life over my or my friend’s head for this either, you have done that 100 times already and I do not have the energy to deal with it anymore. I may not have a big platform, but if you have publicly interacted with this person or know someone who has, please listen.

First, Joshua is not almost eighteen, he turned eighteen in March. I never wanted to mention my age on here, but it’s not like I’m posting p0/n so idc anymore, I kind of have to:

In late September, after I had newly turned fourteen, is when Josh reached out to me on my rp account on Pinterest, I hadn’t been active on there in awhile but I thought “what the heck, I need someone to talk to” so I agreed to role play with them. Josh was 17 at the time. Obviously, it was idiotic to have a rp account in the first place, but I’m aware of all the things I’ve done wrong so I won’t be focusing on that, that’s not why you’re reading this. I had admitted to him that I wasn’t online a lot so I sent him my main account, and god do I regret it.

It only took a few weeks for Josh to start overstepped boundaries, I had acknowledged that s/h is deeply upsetting to me so we wouldn’t get it involved in role plays, but he did. Not only that, but he would vent a lot and that would always end with me having to convince him not to harm himself. I will say, he was unaware of my age when this first started happening, but that isn’t that important because he didn’t give a shit. Very quickly it turned into I couldn’t not reply for a certain amount of time or else I would get berated by Josh or he would threaten to hurt himself. He’d always claim it was because I left him on seen even if I hadn’t been there to open the message in question at all. Whenever someone blocked him, he’d send their account to me in a “you know what to do” fashion, I never asked people to unblock him, but sometimes I’d block or unfollow them because I was afraid he’d check and go ballistic if I hadn’t.

At a certain point, he started begging me to add him to a group chat with my friends, always because he “needed more friends,” I never did because it didn’t work, but that didn’t stop him from reaching out. He’d spammed one of my friend’s comment sections asking them to chat with him until they gave in. Once they had he’d vent to them nonstop, send them NSFW art (never his), and once pressured him to send him pictures of his face despite his wishes. This friend is younger than me and was 13 at the time.

After he had ‘befriended’ my close friend, Jay, is when he got brave enough to start sending me NSFW, he would send me it to make fun of or just mid conversation without saying anything else. He never did straight up smut role plays, but he’d convince me to do suggestive ones where the s*x scene was always skipped (but still held the before all the way up until getting fully undressed and the direct after, not even the next morning), because he “refused to do suggestive role plays with anyone under eighteen” I never questioned it. At one point Josh threatened to end our friendship when I was disturbed that he was going to have a character attempt so it scared me out of asking not to do a certain scene, but ofc, he could tell me to stop because something was upsetting him whenever he wanted

Eventually there was the incident, my friend and I were taking a break from Josh and he didn’t respect it so I blocked Josh for the first time, while Jay was too scared to. Josh went mental. He screamed at my friend until I unblocked him to defuse things and had to explain to him what he was doing wrong, at the time the NSFW being weird hadn’t crossed my mind so I didn’t bring it up. He apologized, I tried to get him to understand, understand what he’d done wrong but the apology of “it’ll never happen again” was all I got either way. Around this time is when I had admitted my age, a few weeks or a month prior I had meltdown about how I was too young for this while Josh was venting to me, of course, that meant nothing to him.

[These screenshots do not belong to me, they belong to my best friend, Jay, like I stated. There are more examples, months upon months upon months of examples, but he didn’t want to relive any more than this and I do not blame him for that. He doesn’t go by either of these names anymore] Jay mentioned that he had gotten uneasy during their conversation about MLP, that’s why it was added

These screenshots are from /after/ everything had gone down. Eventually, my friend had enough, especially after being so shaken by the situation, so a few weeks after Josh’s 18th birthday he blocked him. I successfully comforted Josh after that and things went back to the “normal” of before. However, whenever Joshua wanted to vent he would try to manipulate me into letting him by saying things along the lines of “oh, but someone my age shouldn’t be venting to fourteen year olds” and he’d manipulate the situation so instead of him sending me NSFW out of nowhere I’d be asking him to because he “found something.”

I think Jay’s words of “he talked to me like I was a fucking dog” sum everything up. He did more bullshit, but this is long enough and I still need to make a post with my own screenshots.

If you took the time to read this, thank you, I just want people to know how abusive this person is towards everyone, including people his age.

When I finally blocked him for good it was because I realized he shouldn’t have been sending me literal NSFW, it took he about a week after with the Colleen Ballinger situation to realize what he was actually doing so I’ve been planning to make this post for awhile and realized that I’ll never truly be ready so I need to just do it.

Once again, hi, Josh, you took 50 years off my life. Congrats.

I realized early on how abusive things were, but I thought that being someone’s therapist was all I’m good for so I never brought it up. Funny. Expect a lot of vent art in the future along with screenshots of what he’d said to me, I lost an entire school year to this fucker and this post was just me recalling the basic outline of what happened

[roostertuftart]

Amporella and Allymumu need to learn better how to behave around minors. 

I really did not want to make this post, but I’ve come to the conclusion that my decision not to in the past was cowardly and I’m honestly tired of avoiding this as I have been, as well as having since lost all reason to keep quiet about it in the first place/learning new information that has made me increasingly uncomfortable with the situation. It has been on my mind near daily since some newer information became clear, and I need to talk about it. I also want to take full responsibility for not making this public sooner as I should have, as I played a part in letting this happen when I knew I should’ve spoken up back then.

To be clear, this post is not made with the intention of sending harassment toward either of these individual’s ways, nor am I trying to police who you are allowed to follow/interact with- I don’t care. As gross and damaging as I find this behavior, I honestly do not believe either of these people are predators, but I also think they need to grow the fuck up and stay away from minors until they learn how to act their age, make it clear they’ve stopped doing things like this, and apologize.

That being said, it has been almost a year, so maybe things have changed, but I haven’t seen any evidence of so, as well as a rise in generally toxic behavior and a tendency for these individuals to often interact with minors that I just find concerning given everything I know now.

As some of you may remember, in February, Allymumu and Amporella created a South Park server revolving around Kyle. They had asked for help with the creation and moderation of it, and as I was their mutual and had had many positive interactions with them before, I offered and the server was started up with me involved. This server was a mess of discussions of harassment of certain individuals in the fandom and just generally was just not moderated very well, and I found myself increasingly uncomfortable with being a part of the moderation, but I stayed on and was even involved in some of the gossip which I now do regret.

We were having a discussion one day in the server and the topic was edging NSFW in nature, and up until a point, I was a part of it. It’s also important to note that in this server, there was a NSFW section for adults only and a general section for everyone to interact, but this conversation was not in the NSFW section. At one point, Amporella sent a link to a NSFW fanfiction, and it was only at that point did I realize that we had been having this conversation in one of the main chats among minors. I cannot remember exactly how I responded, but I believe I deleted a few messages that were particularly edging NSFW territory and said that this conversation wasn’t appropriate, to which we moved to the mod chat to discuss. Here are the screenshots from this interaction:

Now, for anyone who doesn’t understand why this is wrong, an adult sending NSFW/discussing sexual topics with a child normalizes the idea to that child of having this content sent to them by adults, therefore making them more vulnerable to groomers, and overall is just a very creepy thing to do. I can understand this happening by mistake in a server, as it can be easy to forget that the little name tags around you might have a child behind that screen, but when this was pointed out, the correct measures to undo this damage were not taken and were in fact rejected- Ella and Ally (and Onix who no longer appears to be active) were not willing to do the right thing no matter what I told them, and that is what I find the most concerning and creepy- That my explanation of why this is so bad completely went over their heads as unnecessary and for what?? We had a NSFW channel that these conversations could be had in!! I cannot fathom any good reason that this needed to be discussed in a chat full of minors but that was somehow the conclusion they came to and I cannot understand why it was so important.

After I had left the server, a few members DMed me wondering why I had left. One who wishes to remain anonymous discussed the situation with me and sent me a drive of screenshots and described it to me as Ella and Ally discussing another user on tumblr negatively with minors involved in the conversation, including the nature of said user’s ships. I won’t go into detail on this nor do I have any interest in discussing the validity of the ship discourse itself, but the conversation was about them shipping incest.

When I was told this and sent the long folder of screenshots I honestly… Didn’t read it beyond skimming a few of the screenshots. I should’ve, but it just didn’t sound serious to me, as I didn’t think Ella warning minors about a user they found to be engaging with problematic things explicitly bad.

It was only recently that while discussing this whole thing with a close friend, who had I sent the screenshots to, did they read it and find that Ella had in fact been lightly pressuring one of the minors who I believe was 14 at the time to create a callout post on the individual who had been deemed problematic, as in the screenshot below:

Although they didn't directly ask the minor in question to create this callout, I think it's very clear that they were leaving that open for them to do so when they absolutely SHOULDN'T have been involving them in this deep, and I believe that the appropriate thing would've been telling the minor not to interact at all with this person. It is incredibly inappropriate to be sending a literal child to fight your battles for you, pressuring them into a situation where they must engage with this problematic material directly as well as communities engaging in such, and a situation where they may face harassment from someone who has been deemed toxic and dangerous enough to be called out at all and for what?? Because you don’t want to get your own hands dirty? I cannot stress how revolting this is.

At the time of the initial situation, for whatever reason, I thought Ella and Ally were around 18-19 and I’m not really sure exactly why I believed this? But I was, for some reason, under that impression. Onixtas was also confirmed to be fairly young, though I don’t remember their exact age. And while 18-19 year olds are still adults who should know better, I felt uncomfortable spreading this information as I did not want to ruin their image with these screenshots seeing as there are people out there who may go as far as to accuse them of being pedophiles, which I truly do not believe either of these people are, and I think it is more understandable that an 18 or 19 year old may make a stupid mistake like being too vulgar in a public chat.

That being said, I recently found out that Ella was in fact 24 when this happened, much too old for this to be understandable as being a bit irresponsible for her age! She should absolutely have known better. And honestly, I was wrong in keeping these private even considering the ages because it could still be incredibly damaging to the minors who were involved. Moreover, given that I gave them every chance in the world to understand why what they were sending was wrong, they should have stopped what they were doing right then, whether they were 18, 24 whatever. I was wrong for keeping this private and I do regret it and take full responsibility for doing so, but knowing that they were 24 made this all the more worse for me to fathom. Ella, Ally, I am begging you both to grow up and learn how to act around children. This is genuinely damaging and you need to step back from interacting so much with minors until you’ve shown that you understand why these things are wrong and aren’t going to do them again, though I find it personally really weird that you’ve made such an effort to be so surrounded by them as you are. It’s just not appropriate, and you’re way too old to be engaging this way with actual children online.

This post is not a callout with the intention of taking either of these people out or ruining their online images or to tell people that they’re bad for interacting with these users, but I’m done staying quiet about this and I want people to know because I want to be certain these things will change. I should’ve opened up about it far earlier and I hope that at the very least opening this information up will still have some effect in negating any damage caused by these people/potential future incidents that may have occurred. Thank you for reading.

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

Old Heart 2 New Heart : Learning & Growing

You see that beautiful body of water? And the art that is this picture is what inspired me to write this. I hadn’t looked at this picture in ages. I almost forgot I had so many from 2020. The world was said to be ending, after all.

I had on this turtle necklace. Which I loved with my heart. Along with the beautiful baby turtle I had named Nina Athena. lol. The turtle stood for moving slow, and taking your time. I didn’t realize how much it would mean to me til today. Which I thought of way before the idea of writing this came up.

But in this moment, I took a leap of faith. One I wouldn’t forget for a while. And I learned so much along the way.

It inspired me because in 2020 I opened a door when I decided to chose heartbreak than to stay with my ex. I broke up with him right on v-day weekend. I just couldn’t do it anymore. At that moment a lot of things changed around me. My home, we ended up moving somewhere far better.

My health, changed for the better. My relationship with food was different, I wasn’t so nippy with what I’d eat.

My body and appearance, I started glowing! And I felt happier. I wanted to live and I got it.

So what’s different now? And what’s changing?

So moments after the year had ended, I found myself going through flows and waves of changes I had not seen coming.

For the first time in years, I found freedom, change and hope to be something less fearful. And yet still I couldn’t stay afloat with what it was showing me.

When I broke up with my ex, he was the first person I dated. And I really wanted to stay with him. But I realized things were better off broken than consistently trying to fix them. So this is when I cut the snip. And started reflecting on my past.

This was a screenshot I got from an old tumblr account, which I honestly regret deleting. Lmao.

Well I do and I don’t. But it was time for a new life. I decided to delete it to find something new. And here I am..

But just reading what I wrote. I felt like that not too long ago. But now I’ve got the grip of it and started moving forward with better mind.

How did I do it? Again and again? Is it not exhausting ?

Like having to shift your perspective a lot seems daunting. But in this case hope is still keeping me alive . So god bless.

I came a long way. I tell myself. I gotta pick myself up when I’m down. Before that picture was taken. Many months of hell was shaping my perspective into heaven. I was hurting inside while making peace with everything in the world. From COVID, to the pandemic, the fear and anxiety trying to suck me in, heart break, paranoia, the protests.. everything was shaping me into my heaven. I would not stop me from making it to a peaceful state of mind.

Life was beautiful. And still is.

The impact 2020 had on me is still shaping the little girl that was still old enough to do what she wanted.. she just didn’t realize it yet.

And now she’s grown up, and having a more realistic approach to society and living beyond standards that were brought to shape her perception of thinking.

She’s grew out of it. And makes new waves to overstay its welcome.

I may not know much, but I know a lot. I know that peace is a birth right, and not something I gotta fight for. So this year being the theme of prosperous peace and enlightenment I get to flow in my abundance and rejoice in my connections with Mother Nature.

Im pretty sure that my life is changing. Just not in the ways I had hope. Its stupid to believe that everything is suppose to go my way, but I still kept trying. No worries, I'm learning to figure it out. I'm just open to a better life, you know?

As I open my heart, I know its not I'm ungrateful. Just unsure with where all this leads. Why I just can't grasp the concept, or just don't like trying. See.. there's that word. I really hate trying, especially if its not something I want or care about.

But in the world, there will be a lot of things we have to do that we just don't care about. And that's why life throws you the lemon, and you just gotta make your own lemonade.

So when I learned to let go of my expectations, I desired a new set of tears, the pain had gone away and I could see something new on the horizon. My tears became joyful tears. I was ecstatic to see change. My laughter was seen miles away and I was ok at this point.Just here enjoying, connecting, expressing, simply being. Grateful at this point. Even with all the twists and turns, I could see that I was so much more. And I was building a team, amongst the heavens watching over me. My guardian angels are happy with me. Finally after all these years I could see that my stubborn attitude was blocking my blessings and could open up to new love. The heart.

The new heart brings so much change, but so much love. Soooo soo much love. I can't grasp it, it flows. Its just what it wants to be, and then we move on.

You'll remember it like it was yesterday, and then you realize that moment is no longer here... but its everywhere. In your heart, in your mind, in the little moments you have in the real world. Its there, its just waiting for you to find it. When you believe that love exists all around, it won't just be a memory, it'll be all around. It'll be in every person, every animal, every little scene from your favorite tv, the food you eat... etc. It's all for you to take in and love for yourself. Got it?

So as I grow, Im learning to accept everything, including me, in all shapes and forms of love I never knew were possible.

From looking back at me from 2020, wondering where did she go... To remember that she was right here all along is a treasurable feeling. Whatever I was searching for was looking for me within. And when the old heart couldn't breathe the new one came in for the team. Lol. Now I'm gaining access to a new divine light, and I am enjoying the process because of it.

The end.

[scoups4lyfe]

Welcome to the Show -BD PPT Part 10

Again, I have ADHD and BD and can agree that yes, My ADHD symptoms sucked extra hard when added to the early BD onset.

The below entry shows (1) binge-eating and (2) OCD intrusive-esque thoughts.

[Journal entry]

October 1st, 2022

Sabbath, 3:24 PM

Last night I went to bed at about 6:00 AM. Today I woke at 2:30-ish. 

The first thing I noticed when I got out of bed was (1) I was very tired, (2) my neck hurt just a bit, so I slept on it wrong—not badly enough though—because it doesn’t hurt at all now, praise the lord; (3) hungry. 

There was a hunger about me. 

I remembered how last night like a desperate man I scavenged through our kitchen. I think it’s the mania making me hungry, because I just felt this overwhelming need to eat something. 

The caramel was gone, as was the jam, so I had taken an apple we got on wednesday that we bought from a farmer lol, and now it was all I had. So I ate about half of it. 

These honey crisp apples taste really good. I kind of chided myself for indulging in one though, because my stomach was burning pain—like scabs inside my gut, or internal bleeding—and I had trouble with even the idea of consuming any kind of solid food. My dad brought home instant mashed potatoes because of this. So, what in the world was I doing at 4:00 in the morning??? Eating an apple when I know solid food isn't going to go down well? (Doesn’t matter cause I ate it anyway, lmao.) 

But I was still hungry—so I ate old taco bell beef-corn tortilla hard shell—tacos that sat on the stove. (That can’t be a healthy dietary choice LOL.) After I finished one of them, I went back to my room, I don’t know to do what, probably waste time on youtube or with editing screenshots from Donbrothers episode 19, and man my stomach took to that taco like gasoline to fire. 

Almost immediately I regretted making that choice. 

But then an hour later I went back to the leftover taco bell, and had some of the dorito taco (not all of it), just maybe ⅓ or half. [Then I fvcked around and went to bed maybe a few hours later.] 

Today is sabbath—so y’know—I’m supposed to be resting. And I AM. 

Comma, space, however—

Well. There are just things that I want to do. I’ve gathered my sketchbook, [insert a bunch of writing journals and reference books] and also my pencil case. 

(LMAO.) 

Ngl though, the fact that it’s 4:00 PM had the burning—lightning-ous—feeling, back inside my stomach. I had it before I even started this journal entry, and I still have it now. Like my mind—or more aptly, my fvcking stupid-a$$ intrusive thoughts (Kyle <3) —  just kept repeating:

 “ah, the day is over, you didn’t do anything, the day is over, you didn’t do anything, the day is basically already finished and what are you doing? Sitting here on the couch knowing that you will never be able to do any of the things that you want to do, because the day is over and you’ve already done nothing. You’ve done it again. The only thing it seems you **are** able to do—  nothing. Isn’t that funny? Now you’ll have to try again on Sunday, and inevitably fail again. The day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over  the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over

 the day is over—” 

ENOUGH! 

And whenever I look at the clock, or think about the time, or even just see the shadows in the curtains, my thoughts do it all over again—and again—and again. 

Then I can feel the breath in my throat, and all the energy inside my stomach just is everywhere. Anxiety. 

(Not a great feeling lmao.) 

So yeah—I’ll try and come back here before I go to bed ( I mean, don’t count on it LOL), and so ….yeah. I got nothing else to really say rn other than, uh, see you later? (Lordt.) 

[entry end]

The above entry I think does a good job at showing binge-eating. It’s super easy for people with BD to end up with an eating disorder.

I fvcking fainted in college because I slept during the cafeteria hours so I was surviving on like…vending machine m&ms. Not to mention when I get in those depressive periods I can go full days without eating because I either can’t get out of bed or the idea of eating makes me nauseous.

And then there will be days where I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, and almost like sleep-walk in a daze to the kitchen and eat whatever I can get my hands on no matter how sh*tty and unappetizing it is.

Anyways—all this to say that BD comes with extra baggage of mental illness 😵‍💫🤤🥴🤕👻👾👾👾👾👽🙀😮‍💨🫠.

Still cannot stop laughing at the youtube comment LOL.

"Wow! Bipolar people are human too!" Like yeah, who would've thought

🤪

Just goes to show how powerful and prevalent stigma is for mental illness -- but esp. for BD.

Hopefully this info helps get rid of that stigma >:/

....༼ง’̀-‘́༽ง

༼ง’̀-‘́༽ง mfer

If someone tells you they’re Bipolar, that can be a very real and very big thing. That means they trust you. So writing it off as, “that doesn’t matter to me” comes off as insensitive because it matters to US, bro. It fvcking matters to us.

I was watching a podcast where the speaker (who had Bipolar) was talking about their experience where they met this guy that seriously did not believe Bipolar was a real actual thing and thought those people needed to “get over themselves.” Which infuriates me to the SEVENTH degree. It’s also wild asf, but again.

Y’all don’t know SHXT when it comes to Bipolar

For those still asking this question:

tldr; y'all don't know SHXT about Bipolar. x2

"Y'all" including mental health professionals and doctors 🤪

naw fr though.

Normally I would be like "yeah, whatever" but using that as an adj can get tricky ESPECIALLY if you start using it to describe a person because then you might spread unintentional bias and misinformation onto others.

"Oh --Vegas is bipolar?" No. He is NOT bipolar.

Don't. fvcking. Use. That. ADJECTIVE!!!

So, Werewolves = Bipolar in a nutshell

(Let me explain lmao.) 

Werewolves have 2 sides to themselves — the human side, which is mainly present and in control, and the beast — which comes out every moon cycle or so, raises all sorts of hell, and then disappears. Always leaving the human counterpoint to deal with the aftermath. 

Humans that turn into werewolves prepare for full moons — often going into isolation so as to not hurt their loved ones, or irreparably damage their life, and the lives of those around them. 

With a good support system, a werewolf can live a normal life (mostly), where their other-self isn’t always wrecking havoc. For people with Bipolar, it’s the same. We are not always werewolves. We are often human. Our illness is cyclical — it will always have a new cycle, and it cannot be cured. When we have an “episode” — though no two bipolar people are the same; how we act, think, feel, and what we do can change. We are not separate from “the beast,” however. Both sides are very much the same person. Though they can be drastically — drastically —  different.  

In his interview with Rolling Stone, Ian stated (about one of the songs on his album): 

“— On “Miss Understood,” it’s a character’s diary entry where she fell in love with Ian but she kinda fell in love with MITO, too. It comes from personal experience; I want to date when I’m Ian, but there was one moment where she liked the darkness in me, which was weird because it’s like, “You don’t really know what this brings.” But she stuck around, and it was hard to be me in front of her. There was a sense of inferiority, for sure, because I know how different I am between my states, but also I was very cautious not to give my all in that [down] state because I’m not wanting to hurt someone mentally. So I’d just seclude myself. A lot of the songs in this album hit on this note.”

For the moon, Bipolar episodes are (as previously stated, perhaps multiple times) cyclical. They run in cycles — over and over and over again. The days come and go, but then there will always be that transition into a full moon, just as how the entire moon will also eventually completely disappear from sight during a New Moon. (Plus the connection / belief popular culture has with the superstition that a Full Moon brings madness with it / lunacy.) 

So we’ve finally come to the end of this PPT series…genuinely hoped this was enlightening to anyone it happened to come across.

If you have any other questions feel free to comment or dm me. 🥳

PREV

Journal Entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5)

PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6], [7] , [8], [9]

Visual Clips (Depressive Episodes): (1), (2)

[tamkashi]

happy august 2nd to myself.

one year ago i was hospitalized after a suicide attempt. it felt like an out of body experience. i remember everything yet cant remember having any thoughts about it. i drove for hours and when i finally got back, my bestfriend texted me an old screenshot of us joking around. on a usual day i wouldve stopped to laugh and reply, instead, i ignored it and continued on with my plan without second thought. i had a lot of pills, and i took an entire bottle and more, forced them down nearly dry. i remember finishing my note and calling 911. i was throwing up uncontrollably and i felt like passing out, i was so tired. i remember the 911 operator asking if i could hear the sirens and i said no. somehow i managed to walk myself to the ambulance and met a paramedic who walked me inside and got me onto the stretcher. i was still throwing up uncontrollably, and i remember getting really nervous about getting my first IV. it went into my left wrist and they gave me something to help with the vomiting. i made it into the hospital and i remember every nurse staring as i was wheeled into my room. i remember having to strip into a gown and having all my belongings taken away. i was given more medicine and time is a blur from there. talked to some police and nurses and a psychiatrist. answering the same question over and over. i sat in the room for hours, no thoughts at all. a familiar nurse i had in january was attending me, and he did my EKG. laying exposed, having wires stuck to my body to check on my heart. i had probably been there for 2 hours before a nurse came in and said that my parents were there. i gave them permission and my mom rushed in shortly after, just crying. she held me so close, just crying. my dad just stared and held my hand. i didnt cry, i didnt feel anything, i wasnt there. i remember some lecture from them, and they just sat there with me. i wasnt allowed to close the door because i could be a danger to myself, so i laid in the dark. they almost let me go home, but my heart rate was still through the roof. i remember seeing the doctor walking towards my room and my heart rate went so high that my monitor started going alerting red and he just shook his head and said “you’ll have to stay overnight”. my sister came, crying. they stayed for a while but my mom stayed with me overnight. i finally got my overnight room and the nurse was very nice to me. she set up my heart monitor that i would have to wear for a while and got me water and graham crackers. my mom immediately fell asleep and i just laid there for hours. the nurse came in around 3 and did more things that i cant remember. laid there more, until morning came and we just waited to hear from the doctor. another nurse lectured me with my mom for about an hour before i was finally discharged.

i can say i lied my fucking ass out of there. i just wanted to go home. who gets sent home like 14 hours after a suicide attempt? definitely not most. i wasn’t okay, i thought about doing it again while i was sitting there. i regretted calling the ambulance. i regretted the pain i caused everyone. but i felt better at home with my cats.

it is now a year later. am i better? not at all. but i can say i’m not actively planning to attempt again. i’m just living a miserable life working for no money. i’m basically in the exact same situation and place as i was then. unhappy relationships, unhappy job, unhappy living situation, it hasn’t changed. but at least i can acknowledge this.

i hope one day i can get better. i feel like i deserve that at least.

my head is pounding and i’ve had an awful day. i worked all day, work again soon, and have to do it all again the next day. so i guess ill try to sleep soon, keep myself occupied with all the thoughts of how i could be. i could be happy with a partner who values me and treats me well, financial stability, and living on a farm taking care of all animals. is that too much to ask for?

maybe, we’ll see next august.

[sammyisfat]

So my Dad has been battling cancer for almost a decade, and is in remission. But now his kidneys are only functioning at 22% and they have an infection that can’t be treated. So, we’re just waiting. He’s been steadily declining the last two weeks.

This is causing me to spiral. I’m feeling like I’m stranded in the ocean in an inflatable boat with duck tape covering the holes, I can see the shore but it’s so out of my reach and I don’t think I can stay alive to make it there.

I don’t regret my hysterectomy but it was my first surgery and was major. It caused me a lot of trauma mentally and physically. It’s been 5 years almost, and since it’s happened I’ve just been in a downward spiral.

I met a guy and got engaged after 6 weeks, and married within a year. I met him 3 months after my surgery. At the height of a heavy dissociation. And I went back to school without thinking it through clearly.

I was terrified to go back to my management job because my boss would constantly call me an idiot, treat me like I was trash, and would send me to work in various stores but wouldn’t pay me for my travel or pay me an active managers wage to make up for that.

So I went back to school, but then I started developing chronic pain that makes being active so painful. The pain is where my right incision from my hysterectomy is, and where my former cervix used to be. And no drs are listening to me. It’s compromised my mental health to the point I was so unreliable I was struggling to show up for work. Between the pain and my mental health.

And then in the fall of 2020, I was in a car accident. The crash was fairly minor but I hit my head off the windshield not hard enough to crack glass but enough to do damage. Where I hit my head is the area that controls your ability to mask and control your anxiety.

I lost mine. And my short term memory has been affected. Due to this, I had to end my lease and move in with my parents in a whole new province from where I had built a new life. I was suffering from insomnia due to the accident.

And I was prescribed sleep pills, I had never taken any before. And they would knock me out for 10 hours sometimes until I built up a tolerance. And I kept waking up in pain. But I found out my partner had been having sex with me in my sleep, because I wouldn’t wake up. And I never consented to it.

This had been the start of things, and then later that winter I found out I was losing my apartment and my jobs. My spiral has gotten worse since these events.

An anon account came forward on IG and accused my partner of cheating. But there hadn’t been any proof. No screenshots or any information regarding where I could find info. This had caused a riff between us.

When we moved to Ontario, his family basically disowned him. And so even though I want and need out. I feel responsible for him. He moved halfway across the country for me. I’ve tried telling him we’re not good for each other, his mental health is impacting mine and vice versa. And I can’t be a good partner right now.

We haven’t been intimate in 3 years. We tried on my bday but he changed his mind so we stopped. So we’re more like roommates at this point.

I’m feeling so trapped and alone. I just can’t handle it all anymore. I went to hospital in ‘22 for a month. But they refused to really help me, because I have borderline personality disorder. And they would just tell me to do DBT when I got out of the hospital.

But I was then and now at such a low baseline I am barely surviving. I am not eating. I’m not sleeping. My pain is at an all time high. I can’t keep track of days. I thought it was still the 15th for 8 days.

I’m just existing. And I don’t want to anymore. I had to flush all my sleeping pills because I didn’t trust myself not to take them all before bed. So I’m just sleeping maybe 2 hours at night. Because I can’t take sleep meds without feeling triggered and unsafe.

I’ve never said anything to anyone really about this. I tell bits and pieces but it a hard to admit the truth and be honest about what my last 5 years have been. And I am so tired.

[riisinaakka-draws]

Some wip pics for that old art where The Ranger’s crew buys the Nassau brothel and Vane and Anne take a nap while Jack looks at them fondly :)

It took me a long time to figure out what I really wanted with this idea and how to make it work. The finished art started to make rounds again and it reminded me that I had a wip process somewhere in my drafts and it might be interesting to see (and I think I haven’t shared it yet? I could be wrong but thought that I might as well do it now lol)...

Anyway, the first sketches were made around July 2017  and I let it be alone for months after that. Occasionally I would continue or re-draw whole parts of this but always got stuck with something or lost interest. I finally finished it around spring/summer 2019 with new enthusiasm as I had learned things through my other works and still loved this idea and wanted to see it completed. I still like some of the earlier wips (and even maybe prefer some compositions more) although some parts are quite clumsy.

Click pictures for slightly better viewing and the alt text. Please, do not repost elsewhere :)

[balillee]

tommy's character gets far too much shit.

hi tumblr. i'm gonna need a few bitches to spread this post everywhere, essentially because i want someone, or just tommy really, to see it. so if you really want, you can screenshot it and post it on twitter, reddit, link it everywhere - go absolutely buck wild. i know he reads the VODS comments a lot, but they're chock full of people just insulting him, his character, his writing and everything about his story in the dream smp simply because they don't understand it and because they refuse to acknowledge his character's perspective (mainly because they only care about the pig). reading that many critical comments on something you've created can only make you feel worse about it eventually, and in light of all the awful techno apologist takes on his character, i wanted to basically just word vomit about how wonderfully crafted c!tommy is, as well as compile some other tumblr posts about his character.

there is a massive fuckin community of people who enjoy the character of tommy, because the character is incredible. i myself have made post after post after post commenting on and analysing tommy's character because i find that there's so much to pick apart. but that enthusiasm for his character only seems to be found on tumblr. reddit and twitter seem to hate his character, the VODS seem to be filled with comments from people who only care about techno's perspective (and treat techno as a reliable narrator, which, is the furthest thing from the truth - that guy lies through his teeth all the time), and the smp wiki is a hellscape of godawful takes and mistruths, not even on just tommy's character.

c!tommy is brilliantly acted and brilliantly written, and almost everything he does is either justifiable or has been rectified or admitted as a mistake. you can clearly make connections as to where he got his conclusions from. you feel what his character experiences, as a member of the audience, vividly.

if you look in the more objective sense, c!tommy, and this is especially in the context of him being the youngest character, is a scapegoat. people claim he's awful and destructive when in reality he's a lot less destructive than most characters on the server. a moment that comes to mind is where he diverts schlatt and quackity's attention from pogtopia by breaking part of the flag in manberg, and then replacing it so as to buy tubbo some time - he literally monologues after it about how he doesn't want to destroy but instead rebuild, and how he feels as if nobody else seems to understand that.

his arc in season two was incredible. it was very character driven, and it gave a spotlight to his motivations. at the start we see him in new l'manberg, and he's enjoying his time there, he's skeptical of his friend's presidency, but his main goal is to get back the discs so that he can stop dream and eliminate that threat. he made one screw up that didn't even matter to george, and he paid for it tenfold, even after dream had spent a while with puffy griefing the server and framing it on tommy - what tommy and ranboo did was convinient. then, in exile, we see c!tommy straight up get abused. he's gaslit and conditioned into being c!dream's friend, and in his brain he teaches himself that those acts of abuse are moments of bonding, and it eventually brings him to the point of wanting to end his own life - he's been torn away from his friends and his support system, and nobody will visit him consistently anymore because they only showed him pity, and all he had left was dream, who had hurt him.

but he doesn't die there, because while he didn't understand the full gravity of it back then like he does now, he recognises that dying isn't an escape, and he can beat dream, even if he doesn't know how. so this is where he goes to techno's place, and here's where the fandom starts to misinterpret the situation wildly.

it's the problem similar to when your parents tell you that they're owed something back because you put a roof over their head, despite that being Not How It Works. techno took tommy in and severely mistreated him emotionally. sure, and i understand this, c!techno is a bad communicator who isn't really that empathetic to anyone who isn't phil or wilbur, but that doesn't excuse the blatant lying to c!tommy's face, the guilt tripping, the friendship buying and the degrading. the day before the festival, tommy finally does something violent in his interrogation of fundy, and only then does techno tell him,,,,

that tommy's not equal to him, that techno doesn't respect him all that much, and that they're not friends.

from techno's perspective, and at the time, this was viewed as a positive development in their relationship. oh, he's starting to warm up to tommy! this friendship could really blossom!

no. from a more objective standpoint, what techno has just said to tommy is : 'i respect you only a little bit more now, because while you're starting to act more like me, you're still annoying and a burden.'

and i haven't even touched on the whole 'erasing the words 'Destroy L'manberg' from techno's to-do list' thing, because that instantly refutes the point of 'techno was upfront with his intentions the whole time' - because he wasn't! he may have said it the first time, but you also know what else he did? he repeatedly told tommy that they'd 'air the details out later' whenever the discs were brought up, and from a tommy viewer's perspective at the time, it was framed as if techno was no longer going to do that.

and i also haven't dared touch the 'i would have fought them all for you', because that's major guilt tripping if ever i've seen it.

so, the day of the festival comes, and here's where c!techno and his apologists completely misread c!tommy's thought process, and why he makes the decision he does.

tommy instantly regrets valuing the discs over tubbo, and it's framed as the culmination of tommy having become all the people he said he would never want to be like. and what does he immediately do? he tells tubbo to give up the disc, and he sides with tubbo. he puts his value in his friends, and, by proxy, l'manberg. and when he betrays techno, he tells him 'i'm sorry'.

from a more objective standpoint, tommy's time with techno is him valuing the discs over almost anything else. so, in leaving techno to be with tubbo again, he is valuing people above the discs. so when, on doomsday, techno says his 'discs aren't people' line, what he doesn't realise is that he himself fueled tommy's valuing of discs above people when attempting to fuel tommy's vengeance against tubbo and l'manberg. techno doesn't realise that he was an unhealthy presence for tommy, and an even worse influence.

what techno also doesn't seem to understand is that tommy never hated tubbo or l'manberg - tommy recognises, now at least, that his exile wasn't a product of tubbo, but a product of dream's manipulation, likely in part because at the time, especially with dream lying about tommy blowing up the community house, tommy was the only one who could see it because he had experienced it firsthand. so when techno sides with dream, it's like kicking tommy in the teeth.

and i want to mention that betraying someone doesn't necessarily make the person who was betrayed good, or in the right, or even justified, because tommy was entirely justified to leave techno. you know who else was betrayed? schlatt. but i don't see many schlatt apologists around angry at quackity for joining the rebellion.

tommy stole the axe of peace? good. it was a moment of tommy defining his self-worth, instead of having it defined by others. gone is the age of c!techno belittling him and deciding how much c!tommy should be respected. NEXT!

here's a moment i wanted to talk about that will forever be funny to me.

'i am a person.'

techno's very famous line from doomsday. techno says to tommy that discs aren't people, and that tommy should value people, despite not understanding that by leaving techno, he did just that. and what does tommy say in return, which has been omitted from every c!tommy-critical analysis, and every animatic?

'yes you are, but so are we.'

an acknowledgement of techno's hurt, to which tommy has already apologised for. a statement that says 'your hurt does not excuse, nor justify, the hurt you have inflicted onto us.' an acknowledgement that tommy has already learnt the lesson techno seems to be trying to 'teach' him. but you can't teach him anything by destroying.

c!tommy has had almost everything he has ever owned or built either taken from him or destroyed. ranboo even points out that the only two things of tommy's left standing are his house and his hotel, and if i'm honest, his house is dissheveled. it's a labyrinth of terror due only to how many times it's been torn apart. l'manberg being blown up didn't teach anyone anything about anarchy, or about valuing people over possessions. logstedshire being blown up didn't teach tommy to be obedient.

i could honestly ramble for ages about how nuanced tommy's character is and how much depth and complexity there is to his character's process and his relationship with others, but more than that, c!tommy is forgiving. he invites almost everyone who hates him to the grand opening of his hotel - if that isn't an indicator that he just wants friends, and not to be treated like the embodiment of evil, then i don't know what is. he holds grudges, but he doesn't really actively hate anyone, other than c!dream. but, we'll let him. c!dream deserves nothing but to be pummeled into the floor.

tommy doesn't spoonfeed his character nuance, and he doesn't really spell it out for his audience. he'll mention things like trauma and triggers in passing, but a lot of analysis on his motivations has to be picked up from what is said in passing or from what can be seen in between the lines.

i'd be here for hours if i were to talk about everything i love about c!tommy, because honestly he's one of my favourite characters, and there are so many angles you can look at his character from in terms of his age, his relationships with others, his motivations, his personality, his character arcs etc etc. so instead of doing that, i'm going to compile some much more specific analysis posts below to skim through because they highlight so many good aspects of his character.

^^ A thread about the 'yes you are, but so are we' line.

^^ About how shit the VODS comments are.

^^ A comment on how c!Tommy is actually pretty peaceful, and is actually less destructive than most characters on the server.

^^ Possibly the best c!Tommy analysis thread I've ever seen in relation to his trauma, which gives multiple perspectives.

^^ About how c!Tommy is treated as a scapegoat, and how, from an objective standpoint, he is no more violent than any other character, it's just that the little violence that is committed is blown far out of proportion.

^^ Tumblr user flypaw being a bad bitch, as per usual.

^^ c!Tommy being incredibly intelligent, and talking about wanting to rebuild and not destroy. A very underrated monologue of his.

^^ Something short about c!Tommy and c!Wilbur's relationship in Pogtopia.

^^ Less about c!Tommy, more a meta on L'Manberg. Really interesting to think about.

^^ A take on Doomsday.

I'll add some more posts in a reblog in the notes, but if anyone's post(s) is on this and they want me to take it off, let me know and I'll do that for you! Feel free to add your own banger c!Tommy takes or ones that you've found.

[ac3id]

Plaything | 18+

plaything 0/ ?? | part 1

pairings: yandere! bully bakugou katsuki x fem! reader

warnings: [series] blackmail, bullying, dubcon/ noncon, filming w/o consent, yandere themes, no quirks au. ALL CHARACTERS ARE ABOVE 18 YEARS OF AGE.

↪ for chapter 0: dubcon, blackmail, humiliation.

summary: by luck, you get enrolled into u.a high the best school in your town. the only catch is that the school is filled with rich, spoilt, and powerful brats who just seem to hate you, and among them, a certain red-eyed blonde dreads you the most

↪ for chapter 0: you reject bakugou’s proposal to fuck in the dirty boys' washroom so he teaches you a lesson.

— navigation

wordcount. 2k+

a/n: hello !! so this is like a little introduction to my yandere! bully! bakugou series fic. there’s also going to a lot of other bnha character mentions but the main pairing will be w/ baku n reader. enjoy!

“bakugou, i don’t want to do this,” your voice is weak as you bite on your lower lip, trying to stop sinful moans from leaking out of your mouth. bakugo has you bent over the cold and wet sink counter, your chest pressed against the dirty marble while your skirt is flipped over your displaying your bare, perky round ass to his stalking eyes. “who are you calling bakugo?” he spanks your ass with force, making you lose your footing as your head bumps lightly against the mirror.

“sorry, master,” you answer barely above a whisper but it’s loud enough in the empty washroom for him to hear yet he makes you repeat yourself,

“what was that, brat? i couldn’t fucking hear you.” he spanks you again, his heavy hand coming in contact with your soft ass with ferocity sending you flying off your feet.

“i am sorry, master!” you exclaim a little loudly, hoping it would satisfy him. and it does. he scoffs crudely, ghosting his fingers over your pussy lips before dipping his large fingers between them and petting your dry hole. he plays with your cunt, stroking his fingers lovingly over your little pearl, gathering wetness as he slips one finger into your hole. pumping them in and out at a slow pace. he takes his time, building up your orgasm while laughing wickedly as you try to hold in your moans. his fingers inside your cunt increase their pace as your juices start dripping down to your thighs,

“you said you don’t want this?” while his right hand destroys your cunt, his other hand wraps around your small neck. grasping it lightly, making it harder for you to breathe. “why are you dripping everywhere like a slut? hm?”

he had pulled you aside from regular classes, declaring them boring as fuck and that he wanted to do something much better like; fucking you in the boys' washroom. you denied, you told him no. you wanted to attend the lesson and besides skipping with him wouldn’t be any good to you. he was not kind to you, he was a meanie. he still insisted; telling you it’s fine, he knows the material. he can just tutor you later. no harm done, see? see?

if there was anything you hated more than being stuck in the prestigious u.a. high where everyone seemed to be out for your blood was spending time with bakugo katsuki. and being with him alone was another nightmare. he hated you. you didn’t know why, he’d never say why. you just assumed it was because of that one time you accidentally spilled coffee on him or maybe it was just because you breathed. honestly, both seemed favorable in this situation.

after many failed attempts of convincing you to come with him, he gets fed up. he pulls out his phone and shoves it into your face. his screen displays pictures of you which he had taken before and the ones which you had sent him. they are all lewd shots. pictures of you sucking him off while looking into the camera with glassy eyes illuminated the screen and as you swiped right it changed to another with the same background, lighting, and angle but the only difference being that your face was now covered with his seed while you posed for the camera with an innocent smile.

a look deeper into his gallery and you find your nudes which bakugo had forced you to take. it was necessary for you to be naked with your tits and ass being visible, he also wanted to see your face and would never settle for anything else. he never settles for anything without your face in it, makes you take those shots again and again until he’s satisfied with the results. he saves them, all of them. even the ‘bad ones' have been screenshotted and saved onto his phone for his personal use. he never tells what he uses them for but you don’t need to hear it from him. you already know he’s jerking off to each one of them every night before he goes to sleep.

it’s funny, anyone could take a look at those pictures and find out they are not photos exchanged between lovers. your expressions- no matter how hard you try, you always end up looking like you want to cry. there’s fear in your eyes and it just doesn’t feel authentic. it looks forced. like someone had put a gun to your head while you sat and took them. and well, that’s not a far-fetched idea.

he promises these are for his eyes only, “no one else gets to you like this. you are mine.” his words exactly but when his friends also start staring at you with lust-ridden eyes, you can’t help but question his words.

he blackmails you into coming with him. threatening he’d leak those pictures all around the school if you didn’t come with him as if he hadn’t already. as if your compromising photos weren’t already saved in all of your classmates’ phones anyway. bakugo should give himself a pat on the back, he’s such a great actor!

“for someone who doesn’t want this,” his demeaning, rude voice pulls you back from the dreamland you were trying to escape to. he forces you nearer to your edge, tiny whimpers leave your lips accompanied with loud moans as his fingers brush deliciously against your sweet spot. your precious cunt greedily pulls him in deeper and deeper, inviting him graciously into your womb but unfortunately, his fingers aren’t that long. but you know what is?

“you sure are dripping like a whore.” with every whimper which leaves your supple lips, bakugo feels himself get harder. his pants tighten as a bulge starts straining against his expensive, pleated bottoms. the hand prettily choking your neck detaches itself leaving you inhaling puffs of air as he works his pants off his hips. as you hear the rattling of his belt coming undone, a loud cry enough to draw attention from others outside of the room leaves your throat.

it catches bakugo off guard but nonetheless helps him get even harder, he likes to make you cry and get off to it. “why are you crying, bitch? it’s not doing you any favors here.” his fingers rub against your swollen, little pearl while lining up his fat cock to your blinking hole. “please, bakugo, don’t. i will do anything, anything else. just not this, i’ve never done this before.” you sound pathetic. your voice breaking with every word you utter. big, fat tears rolling down your cheeks while you ugly cried. bakugo almost feels sorry.

but in all honesty, he really couldn't care less about you. all your whining and crying only incite him further as ruthless ideas to break you down flood his mind. the kindest so far being him taking you right here and now but, but a sudden flash of seeing you utterly broken and in misery flashed before his eyes and he couldn’t let go of it. he wanted to see you tremble much more than you were right now. he wanted to see you cry much more than you were crying right now. Maybe he did hate you, he always pushed you around like you were his little pet of some sort to prove a point- that he is better than you. he is superior, you must respect him. you should kiss the ground he walks on, you should let yourself be his little plaything. then maybe, he’ll let you loose? who knows, he might just get even more obsessed.

as he watches you cry beneath him, your pathetic whimpers reverberating off the marble walls, a wicked idea pops into his head. he pulls his dick away from your exposed hole instead, replacing it with his fingers like before. “fine, brat.” his voice is softer, it surprises you. was he not going to rape you after all? “just because you said anything.” there it is again, the edge in his voice that makes you regret what you said. now, you know he has something worse planned for you. but it’s too late, you can’t go against your word now. you said anything, get ready to do anything. “stop squirming, i’m trying to make you cum. god knows whether you can even do that for yourself.” you most definitely can.

"a bitch like you needs someone to do everything for her.” again, you are probably the most independent student in the whole school,

“am I right, princess?” you are so wrong. “yes, master.”

no matter how crude and humiliating his words were and how much you hated his voice, you still found yourself clenching around his fingers almost ripping them off. your cunt squeezed his digits tightly as the coil building in your stomach tightened. moans of his name echoed all over the room as you felt yourself come closer. bakugo was taking his time playing with you, drawing you out making your release painfully slow as a form of revenge. you begged for him to play with your little clit so you could achieve ecstasy but he was too petty. after minutes of agonizing you to the point, there were tears streaming down your face and drool escaping your lips, falling onto the wet counter. he finally decided to flick his finger against your hardened bud. rubbing tight circles, he played with it aimlessly until he felt the gush of wetness around his fingers and the high-pitched scream which left your mouth as you came. his other hand pumped his still-hard cock. he was still pissed that he wouldn’t be able to cum inside you but it was fine for now. he had something much brutal set up in his mind for his plaything, he was aware that what he was planning might completely destroy but he figured it was worth it. much better to have a mindless slave who lives to fulfill her master’s wishes anyway.

he lets go of you, backing away with his hard cock still out and aching for relief. the huge head blushed red and leaking with pre, too bad he won’t get to finish inside of you yet. you quickly walk away from him, bending forward to search for your discarded panties. bakugo grunts at the sight of your wet pussy presenting itself to him, riling him up even more than he already was. He wastes no time pumping his cock at the sight of your exposed bottom, gasp and groans of pleasure escaping his lips,

“oi, what the fuck are you doing?” he asks, catching you sliding your panties on your legs. you turn around to face him, face burning when you are met with him stroking his cock at your movements. your eyes almost can’t leave the sight of his leaking cock, hard and begging to be played with and as much as you to admit it; it lights a fire inside you.

“stop fucking staring, you’re making it worse,” he growls and you immediately turn your eyes to his face. he smirks, “what? do you want it now? too bad, it’s too late,” he taunts. his eyes trail your body, eyebrows furrowing when he looks down your legs. “who told you to wear them,” he points at your panties between your legs. you give him a confused look, “you’re not allowed to put them on. give them to me,” he commands and panic crosses your eyes. you hesitate for a moment, debating whether you should listen to him or not. his fists clench as he glares at you, sending shivers down your spine, “what are looking at! give!” he speaks louder this time in a demanding tone as if he was scolding a little child who had picked up something from his office. your fingers tremble as you reach out to give the pink fabric to him, “leave.” what? you look at him in confusion. your big, doe eyes racking fear and anxiety. you wait for him to laugh or make a sarcastic remark about how gullible you are but it never comes. instead, he wraps your cotton panties around his cock, right in front of you, and begins jerking himself off. you are disgusted and petrified by his shameless actions, “what are you standing here for? leave. remember you said anything?” yeah, so you did. and you regret it already.

your legs tremble as you walk towards the door, pushing it open and peaking your head to check for people in the hallway. once you find it empty you walk out to the outside before sparing one last glance inside the dirty washroom. you hope for bakugo to call out to you, call you back but all you see is him cumming thick ropes into your panties while his eyes are screwed shut in ecstasy. yeah, you weren’t getting those back.

with shame and defeat written all over your face, you make your back to your classroom. your face is heated with embarrassment and humiliation as you remember you are walking around practically naked just an accident away from flashing yourself to anyone who cares to see. for the better half of the day, you walk around tugging your skirt as low as it can get. you don’t see bakugo for the rest of the day as he leaves you alone but when you do catch his eyes for a second or two, the wicked grin stretching over his features is hard to miss. He knows exactly what he is doing.

just as the day is about to end, he walks behind you squeezing your bare ass from under your skirt managing a surprised shriek from you when you feel his warm palms caress your ass pervertedly, “cute.” he whispers in your ear before turning you around and pinning you the wall. his fingers slide up your thighs moving closer to your cunt. warm digits graze over your slit earning a gasp from you, “come over, I will tutor you on the subjects you missed.” he kisses your neck, “come just like this.” he spanks your ass lightly before he leaves you be. his words are absolute and you know better than to disobey him, all of this was happening because you disobeyed him. you gather your things and walk up to his dorm room dressed just as you were before: in your school shirt, blazer, skirt, and no panties just as he wants it. when you arrive in his room you are met with his entire friend group sitting there with their books and pencils out. kaminari, kirishima and sero are not as surprised to see you as you are to see them. they greet you with happy faces which you return with a light smile.

“hey,” bakugo says with a smirk, guiding you to sit between sero and kirishima. between them the two humongous men, you feel like a child. with kirishima being tall and muscular and Sero being tall, lean and surprisingly packing a few too, makes you feel like a dwarf. you feel small and tiny in their presence and they very much notice it, sending knowing looks to one another while bakugo tries to tutor you. you know something’s up.

not a lot of studying takes place as kirishima grows impatient and slides his hand under your skirt and settles it over your cunt, rubbing his fingers on your pussy lips, occasionally pressing them on your clit. sero flips your skirt displaying your naked cunt to peering eyes. kaminari whistles, “wow, she really wasn’t wearing anything the entire day,” he comments. with one hand, Kirishima captures your wrists behind your back and pushes you on his lap. sero holds your legs to prevent you from squirming around like a dead fish, trying to break free. “so who goes first?” kaminari asks, walking over to you and crouching at your level. kirishima holds tightly with him seated on bakugo’s bed, kaminari flashes you a charming smile before his fingers run to unbutton your t-shirt, pulling your tits out of your bra. he tugs on one of your nipples while kishima’s large digits tugs on another.

“obviously me, dumbass.” bakugo barks coming closer to you. tears prick at your eyes as you beg him to stop, you tell him you’re sorry and that you will never disobey him ever again but he’s too far gone. the other men in the room might feel a little shitty about what they were going to do but there is no remorse in bakugo’s eyes. he looks at you like a predator looks at his prey, stalking about to pounce at any given second, “shut up, whore. you asked for this.” tears break loose as kirishima starts spreading your legs on command. wandering fingers rubbing at your pussy, trying to get you ready are forced to stop as bakugo declares that it must hurt for you. he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“you know you should have never said no to me right? be grateful for what’s being given to you, you’re our little plaything. a cute, little slut. you don’t get to say no,” his rough fingers grab at your jaw, prying it open as he spits in your mouth. “now just shut up and take our cocks, okay?” you cry out yes but he’s not satisfied. His hand strikes against your face, your cheek stings with burning hot pain as more tears leak out of your eyes. grabbing your face harshly, he lifts it up so you’re facing him, “okay?” he repeats. you calm your breath before answering him, fear and anxiety fucking you up in dread for what’s to come.

“yes, master,” you say in the most submissive voice you make out.

[the-hellsing-organisation]

Ordinarily I do not indulge in callout posts, unless a person's mental health might be in serious danger - and it's not a petty lie somebody made up, providing no screenshots, or simple ones taken out of context.

I have received multiple messages now, proving to me that the Hellsing Discord server 'The Hellsing Fanserver' lead by 'Artillery' is unfortunately a place people need to be warned about.

While everyone could assure me they do offer good scans of the Hellsing manga, the members of the server indulged in:

- Purposefully misgendering people

- Making fun of triggers, trans people and people with severe mental illnesses

- Purposefully using triggers against other server members

- Manipulating other people to use the triggers against the person they concern and shifting the blame on them afterwards

- Bringing explicit sexual themes to a server with minors

Afterwards they would celebrate their 'success', making fun of the people they hurt.

The so called 'trolling' (though I wouldn't dare to call such a hurtful behaviour this) was encouraged on the server, so I would deem it an unsafe environment for everyone whose mental health might be affected by such things.

Please be careful if these things concern you and please do not encourage such behaviour.

It's not only hurtful, it is downright cruel.

The invitations, though the links are expired.

Here you see some of the accounts that were directly involved.

Please be careful.

Tumblr Accounts

Discord Accounts

I can only assume alts mean something like alternative accounts he and his friends created in order to do these things, engaging others on the server to do the same.

He then proceeds to share the success of the hurtful behaviour on before mentioned Discord server, commenting such:

^ The “he” they are referring to is a demi girl. And yes, on the other server the pronouns are clearly stated and everyone is asked to respect them.

He is downright admitting openly to have his friends manipulated other people to use the triggers against another person.

(For context: A server members triggers were ‘Borderlands” and ‘Kingdom Hearts’.

He stated this trigger a few hours before and unfortunately the mod, after a sleepless night, was unable to memorise it during that time so ‘Abd’ took advantage of it.

Another mod quickly drew attention to her mistake and of course she apologised to the person she triggered and was forgiven.)

Unfortunately many screenshots - involving the sexual advances and the 'making fun of transgenders' are missing due to the default ban option of the server, but several eye witnesses were able to confirm them.

There was a person pretending to be a transwoman to make fun of transpeople (The person was introducing themselves like: ‘Hello, I am a man, my pronouns are he/him, but I wish to be a woman’ It didn’t sound very genuine to the trans people on the server), people making up all sorts of triggers to make fun of people who have triggers, a person pretending to be a kin, and people, who were trying to spread paedophilic messages with spreading the news that ‘age is just a number’.

And in case people still believe it was an accident:

They deliberately threaten people and plan to hurt them, while making fun of their triggers.

I’m truly lost for words…

For everyone who didn’t know: It is not your place to judge triggers and for the love of God, please don’t make fun of them.

You don’t know the history behind them. It’s good if you have none yourself, it really is, but it shouldn’t make you blind to another person’s suffering.

And you certainly shouldn’t encourage other people to “hunt” people with triggers “down” and “go to war” against them.

Also the owner of server is openly hostility against lgbtq + people - especially trans people - , PoC and antisemitic jokes are the norm there.

They too use nationalist-socialist symbols as emojis in their servers, so people who are triggered by such symbols should be careful.

“Jew Alert”

Blaming one group for the action of singular people should us remind too much of darker parts in history.

I know people with the same experience, that doesnt mean they should actively seek out ot destroy the mental health of all trans people, because one of them hurt them.

Let the submitted texts speak for themselves.

And just in case if anybody believes those are fake:

As soon as Satan saw them, he pmed another person:

Those screenshots are real. They are not fake, like he claims they are and he admits that making fun of trigger and trans people was part of his “troll introductions”.

And just in case anybody is wondering if there are truly toxic trolls on this server? This is a submission I got:

When the original is:

Im sorry.

What they did should speak for itself, but don't try to add lies here. Lies that are obviously having their origin in the server itself.

If you still believe the attacks on this blog didn't come from the server:

This is what Artillery posted as soon as he found this post.

After this the attacks started [as you can see here], so don't tell me your server is not responsible and keep your NSFW implications out of a server with minors and away from this blog!

Also you being an immigrant has nothing to do with the fact, that your server is not safe for minors, lgtbq+ people - especially transpeople - people with trauma and poc.

Even if you claims are real - your and your friends prejudices against the other groups remain.

Satan apologised openly and promised to take better care of people mental health.

The emojis however will remain, though we have been told they have specific channels for offensive jokes.

“In our discussions with the tumblr group, we realized that the situation was far more complicated than we realized. There is a a third party, not associated with us or the tumblr group, who is deliberately spreading false information with the presumed agenda of causing drama and conflict between us. With this in mind, we've agreed the best course of action is to mutually end the escalation of conflict and apologize for what occured. Following that, I want to again make clear that nobody should be going after the tumblr group, their discord server, or anywhere other online spaces. We don't know where the tumblr trolls came from, but we do not support them. Their statements were racist, antisemitic, and violent. What we did in their server was wrong and a mistake. 

I want to personally apologize to a few specific people for what happened. Their server got raided, and during all of it we did not take their mental health into account, causing a lot of people to have panic attacks. Their triggers were invalidated, and people were manipulated. There were also a lot of innapropriate and offensive statements involved. While many things happened without my knowledge, it spiraled out of control because of the initial server raid, and I want to offer my sincerest apologies for that, and for everything else.”

Update:

He lied. He doesn’t regret anything.

Do you remember how he claimed he never ordered an attack on anybody?

Yes.... that was a lie.

He did plan to attack, though one member - the one they would later throw out of the admin team stopped him from attacking more people.

It should have given us red flags they would ban the only member from the team who was actively against the bullying.

And as we see here they did attack the second time as soon as the opportunity arouse when Artillery were sending people after us after saying we should suck his d*.

So he didnt learn a thing. Please survivors stay save.