#I can’t spell and I don’t know where commas belong

[davidfarland]

David Farland’s Writing Tips—Rules for Your Writing Group

In our Apex writing group, Apex is an umbrella organization that provides services for a large number of writers, but we also encourage writers to do things in smaller groups. For example, some writers are having great success by meeting together for daily writing sprints, or weekly brainstorming sessions or critique groups.

I’ve belonged to several writing groups, and many of them were excellent, while a couple were actually dysfunctional. I’d like to suggest a few things that you can do to keep your writing group on track.

First, have a leader for your group—a president, and a sergeant-at-arms. The president’s job might be to lead discussions and to submit ideas for rule changes. The sergeant-at-arms is a person who talks quietly to someone who breaks the rules and let’s them know that the group has a problem. He or she may even need to evict others. Usually, both positions are voted upon.

Manage the size of your group. You don’t want to be overwhelmed by piles of manuscripts to critique each week, so don’t let the group get too big. I’ve seen writing groups with 150 people in them, and at that size, you can’t really have a meaningful critique of a novel. Even ten people is too large.

I’ve been in some groups where each writer was expected to submit, say, twelve pages a week. That worked very well. It meant that each writer progressed each week, but no writer came in with two hundred pages, week after week.

Generally speaking, by the time you’ve had eight people comment on a single manuscript, you’re probably critiqued it enough, so decide how big you want your group to be—three people, six? Once you hit your limit, close the group.

In the same way, you don’t want the group to be too small. Search for members who compliment the group, people who have their own skillsets. Some authors, for example, might be full of passion and excitement. Another may have a vast understanding of a given genre. Those two writers are stronger together than they would be apart.

Meet together often. Most groups seem to work well when they meet weekly. If you try once a month, it can work, but groups that don’t meet together regularly will fizzle out.

Critiques should be written on the manuscript (either in pen or in a file) so that the author can compile the ideas when finished. Talking about the critique verbally, though, helps stimulate ideas in others and gets members of the group focused on a story, so you want to have both written and verbal comments.

Always start a critique with something positive. Knowing what works is as important for a writer as knowing what to fix. More importantly, it helps authors remember to accentuate the positive, give praise when it might be needed the most.

Give substantive criticism in oral critiques: talk about plot, characterization, scene building, pacing and other “big-ticket items.” Don’t waste a group’s time by talking about punctuation, spelling, dropped words or typos in an oral critique. Sure, you can fix commas in a written critique, but don’t belabor the point.

Agree on some rules for what you will critique. I think it is helpful for people to brainstorm a plot for a novel, for example, so you might have special brainstorming sessions. But you might not want to waste time critiquing something like nonfiction articles.

Assign roles to your group members. In one group I belonged to, we had an author who watched markets, for example, so that each week we would discuss contests or magazines that were opening. That author always searched for news, but we soon found that everyone was helping out. Suddenly we had more than a dozen people gathering important data, and it taught all of us to keep our eyes open.

Divide your meetings into parts.

At the appointed time, let your sergeant-at-arms call your meeting to order. (That means, you stop gabbing.) Remember, this is a writing group, not a social group. If your start time is 8:00 PM, don’t start it late. Just as you officially open a meeting, you also want to officially close it at the appropriate time. Many groups like to go out afterward and socialize, but don’t let your group turn into one where people only talk about writing.

Start your meeting with news of personal accomplishments. How much did each person write? (For a writing group, people should know that they must write in order to remain a member.) Find out what milestones each member reached (“I finished my novel!”)? Have them report on acceptances or awards they won, or on sales records? (This helps build excitement in the group.)

I’ve seen groups do fun things. In one group, a person passed out “gold stars” that people could wear on their forehead. In another, a person passed out brownies. IN a third, if someone finished a novel or won an award, the rest of the group paid for their dinner that night.

Next go to market news. Are there any contests that opened or new magazines or publications your group should be aware of? Have you heard of interesting local visits by celebrities or listened to any fascinating podcasts? What about news from major publishers that people should be aware of. Be brief, but share.

Once that is out of the way, get to the work of brainstorming or critiquing!

With brainstorming, you want a free flow of ideas. Let an author present an idea—say a novel summary—and then go around the room and suggest ideas about how to make it better, but set a time limit. “We’re going to talk about Sarah’s upcoming novel for 20 minutes.”

Now begin the critique session. This has a few rules.

It is the author’s job to listen to critiques and take notes—never to defend his or her work or to apologize. There should be a “no cross-talk policy.” This should be a strict rule, and those who violate it should be ejected from the meeting.

The critic has the floor. When a critic is speaking, no one should interrupt to give their opinion, except for the sergeant-at-arms, who can cut them off if the critique goes on too long or becomes abusive. (Remember, some critics will campaign for changes to a story, but that isn’t their job. Their job is to point out ways to improve the story.)

The critic should always address the story, not the author. In other words, if a character, let’s call her Terry, is a horse thief, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the author is a horse thief. Good people have to address imaginary evils in their fiction.

Set reasonable time limits for a critique. Five minutes for ten pages if probably more than enough. At exactly five minutes, the critic needs to shut up. This means that you might need an official timekeeper.

If you love a story, tell the author how you feel. Something like, “This is an excellent story, and if I were an editor, I would buy it as is,” can be very helpful. I recall being in on one session where half the room said this—and they were right.

Some groups like to allow the author to respond at the end of a critique, perhaps to explain why they did this or that. It’s healthy, but the response needs to be concise, too. In other words, keep the time on! I usually like to thank people for their critiques.

Some groups also like to allow crosstalk after the critiques finish. This often leads to important brainstorming ideas, so I encourage it.

Remember, a writing group is a living, growing thing. It may change over time, and your rules need to evolve with it.

Happy writing!

Want to meet with writers from around the world to help boost your group: join us at Apex-writers.com. You can take classes and workshops together, listen to bestselling authors, and learn from editors and agents on a weekly basis. More importantly, this is a place to network with other authors in order to help boost your career.

For more on David Farland's Writing tips, visit https://mystorydoctor.com/writing-blog/

And you can also click here to get your David Farland Daily Meditations.

[hogwarts-in-beaconhills]

Things in my (probably very filled with unidentified brain worm humans, but we don’t self diagnose around here) house that ✨just make sense✨ pt. 1:

A sticky note on top of a recalled jar of peanut butter that says “poison :(” because we keep almost eating it and we don’t want to die

A 5ft tall drawer thing on wheels filled with medical supplies in the dead middle of our kitchen

Half of our stove covered in every prescription any of us have so we don’t forget it

A giant dry erase calendar on the pantry door dated June of 2021

The pantry is full of not food things: trash bags, grocery bags, umbrellas, the granola bars nobody likes from a year ago, spare lightbulbs, old batteries in a jar?, vacuum filters, sandwich baggies, spare dog supplies, a mop in its box unopened from 2009, the 7 other mops/brooms we own, punch bowls, spare plates, paper towels, etc.

The bar is covered in a poorly organized version of what most people would store in the food pantry

A 3ft tall bookshelf with no top (it’s supposed to be that way, not like broken) hidden with 6ft 7in of books in the living room (I’m a reader okay.)

Three baskets of blankets in the living room because we like soft things and nobody can share soft things so they are organized by where they get used in the living room but everyone has like 3 blankets in each space (no, it really isn’t that big of a living room, we really are just that ridiculous.)

Messy bedrooms but in different flavors

My room is set up horribly, long story, but think 2ft wide alley on three sides of the bed because of a poorly placed 500 lbs dresser and closet. So like the alley on both sides are always full of clothes and blankets and books and projects and abandoned school notes and other things but I can’t move the room because changing the layout of my space is VERY stressful for me. I know where everything is in my room exactly but I can never remember where anything is anywhere else. (Rip phone, I’m writing on my iPad rn)

Another room is set up perfectly, but the owner always leaves everything on the floor exactly where they were when they got done with it/saw something more interesting in their room/gets called out of their room etc. (gets called, sets thing down immediately, goes to place immediately)

Another room is just a mess because the closet is open and things that belong in the dresser are in baskets in front of it but very chaotic because “it’s easier to pick out clothes when you can see what options you have.”

<my favorite number

Three dead plants (rip sparkle emoji, Morris, and hagfish)

The fact that those are the actual names my entire family uses for the three plants

A trash can (little bitty ones) next to both ends of both couches and next to the chair in the living room so that the built in cup holders don’t collect things when we forget them (people still remind each other that they exist because occasionally we forget)

7 water bottles in various degrees of drank that everyone knows who they belong to in the living room that will get drank eventually

My grammar skills

My spelling abilities (thank you spell check)

The fact that I inherited both

A collective agreement that math is actually the best, science is fun, and art is whatever you decide it is (dad thinks it is hard and has a hard time at it, mom decided she could probably do that and is good at it, siblings are various degree of in between)

Science night on Wednesday where we all watch a nature documentary and then a nova documentary

We are all, except one, legit nocturnal by nature. In summers and on weekends and holidays we operate on a “get up and watch the sunset then watch the sun rise before dinner schedule” without intentional planning and every time our health legitimately improves across the board.

My ability to stop watching any show at any point in time and be fine with never having answers UNLESS the person next to me knows what is going to happen and then I get very stressed if they won’t tell me. (No it is not spoiling it, it is saving me the anxiety of not knowing what is about to happen. I enjoy it so much more if I know what to expect. Yes I am reading it’s entire wiki because you won’t tell me if Sam dies) and the rest of my family being the exact opposite

The fact that I am procrastinating English even tho tomorrow is the last day of school and I am failing and now this list has 25 over shared facts about my family :)

[starlessea]

Ultimate Guide to Proofreading

Here’s the next installation of my writing tips series!

[Just a quick disclaimer: this isn’t meant to discourage anyone! We are all still learning. These are just some tips you may want to consider when editing your writing].

As a language / linguistics student, I tend to focus on the grammar, or just the overall presentation of my writing. Obviously, if you’re writing online or self-publishing, without a beta reader that is, then no one is going to scrutinise you over the small things.

However, it can elevate your writing SO MUCH if you simply proofread it. Often, I find myself taken out of the immersion of a story because a typo is so glaringly obvious. Most of the time, we can gloss over them and they don’t impact the reading experience too much - but if your work is littered with small errors, they tend to pile up.

Proofreading is an easy way to get your readers to stick with you - and it often doesn’t even take that long! You just need to know HOW to proofread, and it will save you time. 

1) Spell Checkers

I know this seems really obvious, but I read so much work that could be improved tenfold just by being copied-and-pasted into a spell checker. You can literally type ‘spell checker’ into Google, and use an online service.

Personally, I use Google Docs. I just Ctrl+A, Ctrl+C, and Ctrl+V my work into it - and it will underline the spelling mistakes in red, and the grammar errors in blue. 

It’s as easy as that.

2) Consistency and General Grammar Points

This section is by NO MEANS an exhaustive list, but I’ve just compiled the things I’ve noticed the most when reading online. 

American English vs. British English:

This one is quite self-explanatory. If you’re going to use American spellings, then use them consistently throughout - and vice versa with British. Some common ones to look out for include:

color / colour

neighbor / neighbour

humor / humour

(US/UK respectively)

I found a good article here that gives a more comprehensive list.

Homophones or the Question of Verb / Noun:

You may want to double-check that you’ve used the right form of a word (verb / noun) - especially if they sound the same. 

affect / effect

hoard / horde

practice / practise***

*See this article.

allowed / aloud

were / where

I know these can sometimes get a little tricky for non-native speakers - especially since English is really quite a weird language. But these are the most common errors I’ve picked up on.

A lot of the time, things like Google Docs won’t spot these - so it’s good to be aware of the TYPES of errors you’re trying to find.

Also, remember that Google Search is your friend. I can’t even count the number of times I look things up when writing - THERE IS NO SHAME IN IT. It doesn’t take long to check if you’re using a word in the correct context, or the correct form of the word.

Showing Possession:

A lot of people tend to get confused about using the genitive marker, apostrophe ‘-s’ to show possession. See the examples below:

[Disclaimer: don’t judge my name choices...]

Jade has a bag. That is Jade’s bag.

Jade Simpson has a bag. That is Jade Simpson’s bag.

Jade Simpson lives with her husband, John Simpson. They are the Simpsons.

That is the Simpson household. That is the Simpsons’ house.*** 

*This is the one most people struggle on. There are two Simpsons, so the apostrophe comes at the end to show PLURAL possession (i.e., belonging to BOTH Jade and John).

This is Jess. That is Jess’ bag.

Here, the above can be written as Jess’s, but the extra (-s) usually gets ellided if it is following an ‘s’.

Another thing people get confused about is its/it’s. 

In English, ‘it’s’ = a contraction of ‘it + is’ (NOT TO SHOW POSSESSION). ‘Its’ is the possessive form in this case.

E.g., The dog lost its collar; it is brown = The dog lost its collar; it’s brown (the collar is brown).

Punctuation Consistency:

Personally, I don’t mind what style of punctuation you use. Whether you put your full stops INSIDE your quotations, or OUTSIDE;

E.g., “Go away.” vs “Go away”.

or if you sometimes like using hyphens in place of a comma; likewise with capitalisation, and whether you decide to capitalise certain nouns etc.

But, whatever you choose, BE CONSISTENT WITH IT.

You don’t want to give your readers whiplash by changing styles every couple of lines. Otherwise, it’s like you’ve chosen one academic referencing style for your essay, only to switch it half-way through. It’s confusing. It may seem like a nit-picking point, but people will notice it - and it’s good written practice to focus on being consistent.

3) Formatting:

Dialogue:

PLEASE PLEASE start a new paragraph/line if SOMEONE NEW IS SPEAKING.

Your readers will be so confused if you don’t properly distinguish who is speaking. It takes away from the reading experience when you think one character has said a line, but it turns out to be another. 

Don’t just rely on “[...]” John said. We should know if someone new is speaking by the format, not just the name that follows the dialogue.

Paragraphs:

Don’t let your work be one block of text. Break it up and make it more digestible for your readers. Try to start a new paragraph for a new topic, place, thought, etc. You can find some really great guides online that go into more detail. Personally, I think it’s quite a stylistic thing - but you should still be consistent in how you choose to establish your paragraphs.

4) Other Things to Look out For

Detography: Have you written a word twice?

Pronouns: Are you using the following correctly?

their/they’re/there

your/you’re

Tenses: Are you sticking to the same tense? Are your verbs all conjugated in the same tense? Do you switch tense half-way through?

Repetition: Are you relying on the same words a lot. Are you using the same verb / descriptive word very close together?

For this, I just make a quick Google search:

E.g., “said synonym” or “angry synonym” - it adds variety to your writing.

Character Names: This seems obvious, but make sure you’ve spelt them correctly throughout - same goes for place names etc.

5) READ YOUR WORK ALOUD

I really can’t stress this enough. Even after studying language, literature and linguistics for as long as I have, I still miss so many of my own errors if I don’t read my work aloud. My editing process literally involves:

Write the draft

Read over the draft and correct any glaring errors

Copy and paste into a spelling/grammar checker

Re-read the new work and edit again

Read aloud and edit as I go

Final read through

Obviously I don’t do this every time - but it shows just how easy it is to miss mistakes when you’re still finding them during step 6.

6) Bribe a Beta-Reader (or a Friend)...

This is a really helpful step if you are able to find someone willing to check over your work. Often, we become blind to our own writing after we’ve read over the same thing a number of times. It can be really useful to get someone to take a look at it with fresh eyes!

Disclaimer: These are just some things I’ve noticed that I tend to look for in my own work. Also, I want to make a point of saying that English is a strange language, so please don’t be discouraged if you’re a non-native speaker feeling confused. I still get confused!

Also, please feel free to ask me any questions! I might not always be available to give a full beta-read of your work, but if you have any queries relating to grammar etc., don’t hesitate to drop me a message!

[hphmmatthewluther]

Merula Snyde and the Letter from Someone

To  Dear To  Merula,

 The sound of scrunching up paper is heard, followed by a quiet thump as the ball of scrap is thrown into the bin.

 Merula,

 I don’t know if this’ll get to you before Christmas, but I wanted to send this to you anyway as a present. In the parcel is a Walkman, which allows you to listen to music wherever you want, as well as a tape with some of my favourite songs on it. Also in there is a list of all the corridors and areas I managed to charm so they could allow muggle devices to work (I don’t know if it’ll work in the Dungeons- Snape caught me while I was doing the spell and told me to leave - sorry.)

 I hope you’re having an okay time, I imagine the castle is a fair bit quieter now, which should be nice. I know that Chiara and Talbott are staying at Hogwarts over the summer, and so maybe it would be nice to spend time with them...well, maybe with Chiara, Talbott likes to keep to himself really.

 Well,  The Celestial Ball was amazing, Merula, as I knew it would be from the moment I asked you to go with me. I know I’m not that good with words, which is sort of why I’ve sent you that tape. As crazy as it sounds, I couldn’t really see myself going with anyone other than you. I still enjoy our rivalry, of course, but I can’t deny how what happened there made me feel.

 I can’t wait to see you again,

 Matthew.

 ***

 Trembling pale hands with slightly faded nail varnish held the letter over a sofa, as their owner’s pink eyes read its contents. Then she read it again. And again. And a fourth time. Merula took a deep breath. Her mind was, to put it mildly, a bit of a mess right now. It was the day before Christmas Eve (Matthew had once called it Christmas Eve Eve, which even Merula found pretty funny) and she had been sitting in her room when the most evil-looking owl in history had flown into the Dungeons to deliver her a smallish parcel and a letter. She had been even more surprised to learn that this Owl belonged to Matthew Luther, who she had, as the letter reminded her, went with to the Celestial Ball just a week ago. Merula sighed. He’d written to her. He couldn’t wait to see her again. Merula didn’t notice herself giggling. She’d sat down in the corridor, with the walkman on her lap, and Matthew’s owl giving her the evil eye. She traced her finger over the final paragraph again, glad that nobody else was in the Common Room.

 Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, she noticed someone standing in the doorway in a purple hoodie. Merula’s eyes widened as Night Rhea merely grinned at her.

“Eep!” Merula exclaimed, clutching the letter close to her chest, “Wh-what is it?! What do you want?!”

Merula’s fear only grew at the sound of more Slytherins entering the common room. Night looked at Merula, at the letter, at Matthew’s Owl, and at the pink on her cheeks. Merula gulped as they grinned an almost sinister grin.

“Hey look! Matthew sent Merula something!” they exclaimed. At once there was a sound of “ooh!”s as the group moved into the Common Room. Merula recognised Cres Aragon, Ismelda, Liz and Barnaby in the crowd. Uh oh.

 “Ooh Matthew’s written to you!” Cres exclaimed, stepping forward. “Told you he would.”

“I...” Merula began. She took a breath. She was not going to be dragged into one of these simpering gossip circles. “Of course he did. This is Matthew we’re talking about.” She looked over at Matthew’s owl, which squinted at her.

“I didn’t expect him to have such a cool owl.” Ismelda admitted. “Dark. Brooding. Evil. Like my soul.”

“Matthew sent you a letter?!” Barnaby asked, “What did he say? Was it about how you two-'' he stopped suddenly looking at Merula’s face. “...um, how you went to the Celestial Ball together?”

“None of your business!” she snapped. “What Luther may or may not have written to me about does not concern any of you!”

“I think it does, Snyde...” Night said, leaning forward. “In fact I - Expelliarmus!”

 The letter went flying, and Night moved forward to catching, smirking as they succeeded. Turning to the others, and ignoring Merula’s pleas, they read over the letter. And smiled once again.

“Aww...what a romantic.” Night sighed, pretending to wipe away a tear. “You’ve found yourself a keeper, Snyde.”

Merula went a deep red. “I...uh...”

“Go on, Night, read it!” Cres said, sitting down in front of the large window overlooking the floor of the Lake.

Night looked at Merula. She didn’t seem to be enjoying this one bit. They sighed, and passed the letter back to Merula. “She can read it if she wants to.”

Merula nodded, taking the paper back. She looked around at the others, and sighed. “D-don’t tell anyone about this, ok?”

The group nodded. Merula sighed, and read Matthew’s words aloud. As she did, she found it very hard to keep her face in a scowl. By the time she had finished, she had a small but visible smile on her face.

 The group instantly erupted into conversation.

“Way to go, Merula!” laughed Cres.

“Who’d have thought Matthew’d have it in him to write that?” Night pondered aloud.

“Hmph. Muggle music is...isn’t bad...” Ismelda admitted.

“Where’s this man meant to be walking to?” Barnaby asked, gazing at the strange device.

“So what are you going to say back?” Liz asked her, feeding the owl a treat from her pocket.

“N-None of your business, Lizard!” Merula snapped, “I..I...I dunno, okay! I’m not used to letter-writing, I...look, I wanted to just send him some chocolate or something, you know, but now he’s sent me this and...”

“Why don’t you just send a small message,” suggested Cres, “you could put it on the tag or something, couldn’t you?”

 Merula grinned wildly for a moment, before racing off into the girls’ dormitories. When she returned, she had a christmas present with red wrapping, as well as a large owl following her. She put the present down on the table, and Merula’s owl sat beside Matthew’s, both immediately starting to stare each other down.

“Okaaay...” Merula began, Night noticing that she was using a pen, “What do I put?”

Barnaby raised an eyebrow. “You’re...asking us?”

“I thought you said it was ‘none of our business’, Merula...” sneered Ismelda. Merula ignored her.

“Okay…’Matthew’...’comma’” she muttered.

“Good start, Snyde.” chuckled Night.

“Hush, Rhea.” Merula snarled. “Where was I…’Thank-’”

“No, don’t start with the thank you, you’ll run out of things to say.” Liz said sagely.

“Fine. ‘The music is great. Thank you for the present and for your letter...’”without saying it aloud, she then wrote ‘I eagerly await your return to Hogwarts...it’s rather dull without you.’

“...Thanks again, Merula.” she finished, putting the pen back into her pocket. She then moved past Night over to her and Matthew’s owl.

“Just follow him, okay?” she asked. Her owl nodded. Matthew’s owl audibly scoffed at her, an impressive achievement for an owl. Merula then left with the two owls for the Owlery. When she got there, she was slightly surprised to see Talbott Winger there, feeding the owls.

“Can...I help you?” he asked, not looking away from the owls in front of him.

“I’m....just sending a letter to M-...to Luther,” she explained, wincing at her minor slip-up…”What about you?”

“Being alone...or at least I was.” Talbott sighed, getting up, “Is that a present for him?”

“None of your business, birdbrain!” Merula yelled, before looking down at the present. “...sorry. It’s just...I’m new to this, and want to go at my own pace, you know?”

Talbott stared at her, this other Merula which until now only Matthew and maybe Tulip had been able to see. “...he’s really started to rub off on you, you know that?”

Merula chuckled as the owls left with Matthew’s present in tow. She looked down at the walkman, put one headphone up to her ear, and pressed play. It worked.

“Yeah...” Merula said, as if just remembering then that Talbott was still there, “Maybe you’re right.”

(Night Rhea belongs to @night-rhea​ and Cres Aragon belongs to @cres-aragon​ !)

[inventors-fair]

Tri, Tri, Tri Again

What makes a common? Usually the little black and/or white symbol on the card, but that’s not the point right now. What makes a common different than an uncommon? The thing is, we know the difference between a common and a rare, even when sometimes those lines are a little weird on older cards like Scion of the Wild and Sinkhole in their own ways. The line is there these days, and we’re designing for the modern era whether we like it or not. I’d hope that after over twenty years of tinkering we’re at a place where we do like it, so there’s that.

What stops a common from being an uncommon, though, is a little harder to quantify. We have to talk about recursion, multiples, finishing, the role in the draft, the complexity for new players, etc. There are so many factors that can make pushing commons hard in ways that we don’t touch that often. I wanted to do this contest because it’s both a restriction and a challenge. Making a common card isn’t easy unless you know your slot. Making a common with the three lines of text, well, that’s something else entirely. And for the most part, I think people did amazing work. There are a couple obvious cases where I feel people should have looked at prior examples, but in terms of general work, we’re on the ball here. 

We’re only doing two bullet points this week: “Things I like” and “Where to improve.” I feel that that’s the most constructive, yes? Gimmicks can be fun, but let’s be real, we are here to get as much positive feedback as we can and to improve what we like to do, which is making custom cards. Easy enough. Let’s pick some cards and some brains. 

@deg99 — Emberwild Inferno

Things I like: On its surface, this is mechanically just fine. It’s a three-mana bolt, but with a distinct upside, and you know, nobody’s going to be upset when playing this in a draft. Red removal is perfectly fine and anti-prevention, while a corner case most days… Well, kind of. There are actually ten current standard cards that prevent damage, which is kind of surprising to me! Still, ten ain’t as much as it could be for relevance, BUT, it’s still perfectly reasonable to see that it would be in this set.

Where to improve: Firstly, “Emberwild” is spelled with an “e” at the end in every iteration of MTG cards printed thus far, and it’s kind of throwing me off. Also, it’s a term from Dominaria; what city is doing the blessing? What city are they in? There needs to be a comma after damage, “cannot” should be “can’t,” and I feel that we have to tell at least one person almost every contest: Damage needs a source. “Emberwild Inferno deals 3 damage to any target.” No spells after 1999 use that kind of wording. Please, please proofread your cards.

@dim3trodon​ — Reassembling Sentinel

Things I like: Totally fine to be using Ward here, and I like where it’s going. This is an interesting cost-to-PT ratio, definitely more aggressive, and I don’t hate it. Flying and first strike later in the game are also totally valid. I’m personally not the biggest fan of ability counters, but in this instance, there’s absolutely nothing wrong here. Permanent additions like this are important for modern Magic.

Where to improve: But why add the ability counters only if they don’t have them? Is there some ruling corner case that I’m missing? Why not just four mana for a flying counter, three for a first strike counter? It doesn’t feel intuitive to me. Yes, multiple counters are waylaid on cards like Crystalline Giant, but that’s because it wants as many as possible. Here, where you can choose, I feel you could have just had it add the counters. Regarding flavor, I don’t see how this card is “reassembling” anything. Assembling, yes, but REassembling? Not clicking for me.

@dimestoretajic​ — Mob Beast

Things I like: Gruul rules! Well, there’s no ruling, but—anyway, this card works in interesting ways and I think it’s pretty serviceable. Raging Kronch comes to mind, and the beasts of Ravnica are definitely up there. It’s an interesting name for sure, and it’s making me think more than it is making me feel critical. Is this beast part of the mob, or belonging to the mob, like it’s being wrangled? It could be either, and that’s fair. This card would make a good finisher.

Where to improve: I’m worried about multiples in draft for sure. I mean, chances are you aren’t going to get too many of them, but having a bunch of hasty finishers can be a bit of a pickle especially when you can also slot these into other multicolor strategies. Maybe it’d need to be tested to be believed, but, y’know, how many one-mana 3/3s are there, right? For the flavor text, emdash your quoter and put them on a separate line. If it’s too cramped, time to revise.

@dumbellsndragons​ — Fledgling Nightblade

Things I like: Renown is fantastic here. I don’t necessarily know how renowned an assassin wants to be, but in their own circles, heck yes. It encourages blocking in its own way, and it’s certainly powerful on that front with the deathtouch. I think for me the flavor is one of the stronger points here, and I want to see a little bit more of a “professionally getting better in all colors and competing” world, so thumbs-up there.

Where to improve: The last time we saw deathtouch and menace at common was Kederekt Creeper from Alara, and, well, I don’t think that’s precedent; deathtouch and menace is strong. Really strong. Like, at common, I think it might be a bit too strong. It shows up printed so little because of that, even at higher rarities. Honestly, a 3-mana 1/2  or 2/1 might be better, but that’s also my worrywart tendencies. I’d have to play. This design as it stands would be fine in a Modern Horizons power level set more than a standard one.

@gollumni​ — Sovereign’s Duty

Things I like: I’m a big fan of “can block any number of creatures” for someone who isn’t super defensive when playing the game. I think it’s neat, and represents cool stuff, and I like this card a lot! The name is generic, but I don’t mean that as an insult. I could see this in a core set, on Dominaria, on Theros, on Eldraine, any number of planes, and for a common, that’s a good thing. That’s some success right there. 

Where to improve: That last ability made me worried about layers until I checked with some rules people. It’s not the layers so much as it is the wording. “As long as enchanted creature’s toughness is 5 or greater, it can block any number of creatures.” Continuous effects. Argh, that really threw me for a second! It was also kind of frustrating because there wasn’t any great precedent, but you know, nothing wrong with new territory.

@hiygamer​ — Guider of Souls

Things I like: Exploit would make a very cool mechanic in Orzhov, and I think that if we ever do a “mechanic/faction mixup” contest then you get precedent on that front. Totally flavorful and totally awesome. I think that Orzhov tokens was one of my favorite draft archetypes from RNA and this card continuing that tradition with death triggers is definitely up there in terms of capturing that feeling.

Where to improve: This card feels busy for some reason. Unfortunately, for this contest, you had to have the three lines, but were this printed, I don’t think it would have vigilance. Two flying bodies would be enough. If you wanted to keep vigilance, I’d definitely knock it down to one body. Two fliers… I feel that that’s too much. But, what do I know. Also why aren’t they white and black like the other Spirits? Regardless, that flavor text is also pretty dry. Not bad, but dry. What if it was the guider talking to the spirits instead? “Come, let me lead you to the light of Orzhova.” Little simpler, shorter, more personal.

@hyenagirldick​ — Poisoned Gookeeper

Things I like: I think despite this being kind of a placeholder, everyone liked this card’s name. I’m up there. This one, wow, this is giving me a lot of whiplash. The typeline is making me think Simic, but the “horror” is making me think Innistrad, but the Scavenge is making me think Ravnica again, but—and so on and so forth. I want context! Mechanically, using “scavenge onto” as a verb here is interesting and I don’t hate it. A good twist on this mechanic.

Where to improve: Despite that drive for context, I think ultimately the mashup is making me more confused than intrigued. It’s just over the line, to be fair, but it needs consolidation of ideas. You’re asking a lot of us here, to interpret the world, a new use for the mechanic (that seems considerably cheaper than the average common scavenge-r), to have a deathtouch blocker like this with the high toughness, etc. It’s not bad! But it’s a lot.

@hypexion​ — Blade of the Blessed

Things I like: I feel that the trend of having cool explorations of auras and equipment is 100% the right way to go and this card feels like it slots right in. Let’s talk about flavor, because without flavor text, this card still tells an amazing story. As long as you’re able, pick up the sword and fight. But, if you’re blessed by XYZ deity, then the blade becomes easier to wield. Fantastic. That much I like.

Where to improve: I believe that the last ability is too complex for common. It’s not that it doesn’t make sense or that it’s too powerful, but I believe that it’s asking stuff from players that they wouldn’t necessarily understand at common; it’s not immediately grokable. I like the space and I like what it’s doing. I think if you drop the cost to 1W it would be a fine uncommon. And you know what, I think I’m in the minority. I think that there will be disagreement, and I understand where that’s coming from.

@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes​ — Mummification

Things I like: I’m always a fan of cycling abilities for sure. Can’t be countered, instant-speed, powerful effects, heck yeah. I’m also a fan of finisher abilities like this. Black’s triggers for life-loss were definitely fun with those big enchantments. There aren’t a heck of a lot of common noncreature non-aura enchantments out there as precedent, but regardless, they exist.

Where to improve: Looking up precedents for this effect, I’m definitely skeptical about this at common. For one, it’s any player. For two, it’s whenever a spell is cast. For three, it’s harder to remove. All that together combined with a potential common cycling shell where you can draft a bunch of these and then make all black spells have extort? Actually, this card is almost strictly better than a two-mana enchantment with “Black spells you cast have extort.” Almost. I think this might have had to go back to the drawing board. As for the flavor, I don’t grok what the name, text, and abilities have to do with one another.

@koth-of-the-hammerpants — Coffin Devourer

Things I like: I just read the flavor text, and, uh. I love it but wow. That’s some nasty, funny, funky stuff. So! Let’s talk about the card. Perfectly serviceable in terms of getting things out of graveyards then making creatures big. There aren’t too many cards with tap abilities and vigilance at common, but they’re definitely there, so that’s okay. Man, I can’t get over that name and flavor combo. That’s really something special.

Where to improve: This card doesn’t really fit the prompt, and I think next time I’d have to reach out about something like this. Vigilance and trample go on the same line; yes, even in standard-legal sets where sometimes abilities don’t go together, because that’s mostly for starters and core sets and the like. Technically it fits the prompt, but for all practical purposes it’s a workaround that shouldn’t have been submitted as-is. Now, that’s Fair meta. The card’s totally fine on every other front, I think. You’re gonna have to decide, though, if you wanna stick with the sort of Scavenging Ooze wording or the Tome Shredder wording. I think you should go with the second, with the exile as a cost.

@mardu-lesbian​ — Rifleman Trio (JUDGE PICK)

Things I like: Huh, another card with vigilance and a tap ability. Well there we go! This card’s also got a lot going on, but it doesn’t feel like anything is at odds with itself, and is also on the upper side of being pushed without going into strictly uncommon territory. It’s got reach (“Stay on the defense, fellas!”) for blocking as it comes down, it’s got conditional vigilance (“Learn from those organized chaps!”) which encourages multicolor play but doesn’t force it, and it’s got that cool damage that is both a finisher, a pinger, and teaches a little about the combat advantage (“FIRE!”). So yeah!

Where to improve: I guess the only question would be where the rifles come from. Is this Ixalan-ian? I don’t think it super matters. This is a great commendable card.

@masternexeon​ — Bloodstarved Beast

Things I like: “Vampire beast” is one heck of a typeline. I like that part a lot, and honesty, I like weird echo costs a lot to. I’m surprised this isn’t a name already, actually! This card feels like its basis is in a lot of neat love letters to old-school Magic and high fantasy, even outside of the choice to submit with old-border.

Where to improve: The complexity of this one is definitely up there and past. Doing weird things with established mechanics that aren’t immediately grokable probably don’t belong at common. What happens when you blink it after previously paying an echo cost, a player might ask? Paying a cost for a continuous effect feels...weird, and I actually don’t know if that works within the rules. Nothing wrong with that specific echo cost, so that’s fine, but the second ability isn’t something I’d personally want at common. For the last ability, it should be “you draw a card and you lose 1 life,” see Phyrexian Rager.

@misterstingyjack​ — Flames of Anarchy

Things I like: Removal and cycling is perfectly serviceable. The cost suggests that the set has a stronger monocolor theme if the removal is costed like this, although it might just be for the slightly more powerful effect (sort of) and the ability to cycle if you don’t have the RR already. Name’s pretty darn awesome, too.

Where to improve: I know that you tried to balance it by making it only his creatures or planeswalkers, but this is still a recursive damage spell that’s asking weird things of you. What sort of set would have a sorcery-matters theme at common? What’s the as-fan? I think you had a cool idea that is indeed cool, but what you’re asking of your set and your rarity is too much than what can be provided. I don’t think this kind of recursion is what you want at common. In the shell that it’s intended to be in, I think it’s too powerful.

@morbidlyqueerious​ — Proven Sword (JUDGE PICK)

Things I like: Like I said earlier, new things with equipment and auras are totally awesome, and I fully support this kind of cost. Equipping to certain creature types for cheap makes sense to me because nine times out of ten it’s not something that’s going to be radically changing; either the creature is there or it’s not, and it’s either a Warrior or not. And that’s cool! First strike can be really powerful with that boost that you’re giving it, and if you have any other warrior or equipment strategies, then you better believe things are gonna get nasty on the field. I think this is a one-of in your pool, but it’s a fantastic one-of. Equipment can be undervalued at times!

Where to improve: I’m not 100% down with the flavor text. The blacksmith doesn’t “make” the metal, do they? They make the blade. I think that you had a good concept but it’s not exactly there yet.

@naban-dean-of-irritation​ — Physical Fluctuation

Things I like: Well, the art’s a big plus, and the flavor’s funny, so that’s pretty great. I think that common combat tricks in the GW sphere have always been a little funky, especially with Ravnica’s weird return to that again and again. There was even that green one, but searching for things that have multiple instances of “target creature” on Scryfall is such a pain.

Where to improve: Seeds of Strength is weird, but they’re all +1/+1 so at least that much makes sense, same buffing all around. Martial Glory is a little harder to grok sometimes, but it’s only up to two creatures, so that’s not the worst that can happen. If you have three creatures, then this card has a number of options that is legitimately making me worried about my ability to do simple math and statistics. The variance here in P/T distribution is off the charts. Yeah, it would make sense in-game, but just on principle, I don’t want that much at common. It’s—you know what, I’m gonna do some math. … There are at least 27 different variations if you have three creatures. I don’t think that that’s what people need at common.

@narkis24 — Unbound Devil

Things I like: Pushed P/T with drawback is totally valid. I like the fact that the “unbound” in the name refers to the fact that you can’t control it, literally, without someone holding the leash. That could make for some fun flavor things. If you’re on-curve, then you got some big beats that you can get in early.

Where to improve: I honestly wonder if it’s too much, actually. Yeah, it has to attack every time, but if you can get a one-drop then this then any removal on-curve and/or more Devils, then you’re in one crazy good spot. I think in terms of power level, this is uncommon for sure. In terms of abilities, I did a little searching, and there isn’t any precedent for non-temporary control switching at common. That’s for a good reason, IMO. Again, this is a great card, but definitely uncommon. And a good draft uncommon, too!

@nicolbolas96​ — Lost to Memory (JUDGE PICK)

Things I like: This is a really funky pauper card that also happens to have great draft function. The destruction is conditional, but on-curve you’re going to be fine with it. If there are no good targets, you can at least get a card out of their hand and deck. I think that the versatility there is awesome and that this card is definitely up there in terms of playability. And, well, it’s not that powerful. That’s a good thing! It stays at the common line while having great effects and not pushing anywhere it doesn’t need to be. Yeah, maybe the Pauper-rack meta doesn’t want it at sorcery speed, but heck, I think it’s great. Good with Chittering Rats

Where to improve: The flavor text lacks something for me. I know sometimes he asks questions, but unless they’re directed at someone specific, they tend to be either contextual to another statement or answered. I don’t know, it just doesn’t feel as...suave as Bolas usually is. It seems small but it’s a hangup for me. Feel free to up his grandiosity.

@partlycloudy-partlyfuckoff — Idyllic Falchion

Things I like: Heh, back to equipment. You know how I feel about that. Interesting sacrifice trigger. I think that that’s the strongest part of the card in terms of—well, maybe not power, but in terms of the “cool” factor and “push” factor. It’s fine for common, and it’s strong, and you need the color to cast it, so that’s awesome. And bonus points for making me look up the word “falchion” too; it helped to envision the weapon and scenario you had in mind.

Where to improve: The second ability doesn’t work. The equipment would need to be on the battlefield for the equip cost to be activated. Instead, it would read: “{cost}: Return ~ from your graveyard to the battlefield attached to target creature. Activate only as a sorcery.” And that would honestly be kick-ass for like...six mana? Get that in your archives, ‘cause I like the idea a lot. As it stands, doesn’t work rules-wise.

@rasputin-gold​ — Copse Fiend

Things I like: “Copse” got me, and I like the vocab check there, very nice. I think that your typing and the general mood is really fantastic, and holy crap, look: that flavor text literally gave  me a touch of ASMR. It’s not the next great American novel, but it fits so well, and it feels great and creepy, and it tells me so much, and that, that’s awesome.

Where to improve: Let’s take all that mood and make a different card with it, because there’s...a lot going on. A four-mana 4/3 with wither would be totally fine by itself at common. GG activation for a lure? Okay, makes sense, but combined with the wither, that’s something that’s far too powerful at common, assuming a set with the mana alignment to make that happen. The assumption that you have a Forest (capital F!) to give it first strike (tertiary in black and NOT in green) and potential recursion is way too far gone. If this card were presented without rarity I would assume it was rare. So, yeah, this is one of those times where it’s not a bad card but for this contest it’s just too much. Keep it appropriate for rarity.

@reaperfromtheabyss​ — Dwarf Forge Scrapheap (JUDGE PICK)

Things I like: Well, I already talked about the clues from the winners’ post, so I’ll go out on a limb and say that yes, I like this one too. A combination of the “shifting animated pile of knobs and gears and junk that when animated can come to life and hit you in the face” with “forget this I’m gonna make mana” is pretty funny to me, in that dry card way, and this card in general is pretty cool. In terms of gameplay, yeah, you can have a beater on turn four if you really need the boost, or late in the game as a colorless source, but it’s also mana-fixing, a three-mana buttwall, and just a cool card all around. I think that this is one of those that could have great art flavored on a cool world, and the name could be changed to fit just about anything. 

Where to improve: “Add ONE mana of any color.” ONE. I’m unreasonably curmudgeonly about that error, somewhat jokingly, a little rib-nudgingly. Easy oversight, but don’t let it happen again! (Kidding, kidding, I know I need to up my editing skills too.)

@snugz​ — Sidestep

Things I like: this card. I like this card, dangit. I don’t care that it wouldn’t be very playable in a whole lot of decks or archetypes as a weird combat trick, but I like it. It’s simple and funny and plays into the “I’m gonna right myself while tripping you up” gag and that’s great. The simplicity speaks to some Rookie Mistake vibes that I’m down with.

Where to improve: Again, I don’t think it’s playable. I could see them printing this card and having it be basically draft chaff, but maybe not, maybe it’s something in a combat-trick heavy set with some radical payoff. Maybe it’s a pauper Heroic card that could make the deck tier-1. But it’s so simple that it’s hard to talk about! I’m sorry I can’t give more feedback than that, honestly. The card’s too well-made. So, with that in mind, you need to season this steak. Any flavor text for any context would be awesome.

@starch255​ — Scab-Clan Brawler

Things I like: 100%, this feels Gruul. It’s a big fighter that’s on-curve with some brutal flavor despite no flavor-text. The notion of the Gruul tribespeople fighting among themselves comes across here fantastically, and having a 3/3 trampler is definitely something that a RG drafter will want on turn three.

Where to improve: [Foreword: This is a lot of text and I swear it’s mostly not criticism; you made me think.]  Brawl needs work. A lot of work. As it stands, either you lose a small creature, you lose this one and put a +1/+1 counter on your bigger creature, or you happen to have a 2/4 that can survive. I am… I’m working this out as I’m writing, and I want to like it, and I want to improve it, but the more I think about it, the more I think that the mechanic isn’t the problem. I think it’s actually surprisingly complex, almost more complex than a Gruul player would want immediately. The choice of payoffs is so hard to think about—and at this point, I’m not so much criticizing as I am ruminating. I really want to play with this mechanic just to see if my knee-jerk “fighting your own creatures is bad, ugh” is lizard brain and if there’s galaxy brain behind it. You’ve put me in a conundrum here. Hold onto this one.

@thedirtside — River Delta

Things I like: Great name, makes sense. I can picture the landscape where you would want this place to appear. Nonbasic lands are pretty interesting to design at common, and breaking away from the Guildgate/Life-gain lands was an ambitious move.

Where to improve: I know fetchlands are weird on the scale, but in terms of probability, the ability to (1) get your colorless mana if need be OR (2) tutor for the land you need while thinning your deck and furthermore (3) getting a 3/3 body once you’ve sacrificed it later in the game… This is borderline rare and might even be pushed for an uncommon. Yes, it’s basic, but in limited that’s a non-issue and in constructed there’s nothing wrong with getting your basic lands just to make this card work for you. The part about it being tapped really isn’t that much of a massive drawback. I like this card a lot. It’s not common power level. Small notes: “shuffle your library” can just be “shuffle” IIRC, and your comma between the 3UG and Exile seems wonky.

@wilsonosgoodmcman​ — Ruthless Vigilante

Things I like: Gotta love a vampire rogue. This particular card doesn’t seem to have a home, but it doesn’t seem to be sending any mixed-messages either. Ixalan doesn’t really want the roguishness, Dominaria could have it but where’s the vigilantism, Innistrad has different colors, Ravnica has different flavors, etc. etc. So does it belong? Yes! But “were” is yet to be determined. That’s totally okay. 

Where to improve: IMO, your abilities are too strong together. Vigilance and deathtouch is a pretty powerful combo once you get yourself in a position where you can attack, because, well, then you still have a murderous blocker. There’s a reason it hasn’t appeared at common yet. The lifelink feels a bit odd, honestly, and the toughness boosting feels out of place. Why is an aggressive vigilante boosting its toughness? Actually, why does a rogue have vigilance? There’s no precedent or flavor connection there. I’m just not feeling what this card is offering me. It might play, like, fine, but it doesn’t feel good and it doesn’t feel like it has a place that couldn’t be replaced by a more cohesive card.

@wolkemesser​ — Dry Sands Summoning

Things I like: We haven’t had a real good desert world since the Abzan from KTK, and I miss that. Having a sandy feel and aesthetic could be really cool here, and I think that what you were going for what the flavor of turning the desert into, like, part of the warrior tribe. That much I like a lot.

Where to improve: I find myself a little frustrated trying to write commentary, because there’s a lot to go on here and I don’t want to be too harsh. I’m going to address the individual parts, but in general, please, please run these cards by people before submitting.

The hybrid cost is fine but that’s pushing it a little. Eventide was an exception I personally liked, but the color weight doesn’t always play well with others. That part is honestly fine.

Enchanting cards in graveyards should never currently appear at common. Spellweaver Volute is a rules nightmare/abomination. 

It would be “Enchant land or land card in a graveyard.” “Warrior” needs to be capitalized. “Enchanted land is a 3/1 Sand Warrior creature with haste. It’s still a land.”

What is the purpose of having a land also be a creature in your graveyard? At common? I can’t envision any scenario in which that would be a reasonable theme. It can’t attack from your graveyard, it would be weird for type-changing in the graveyard with Conspiracy, and it wouldn’t move it to the battlefield either.

The retrace is a decision that’s almost designed to cause confusion. So it could enchant a card in a graveyard, but not be in a graveyard, until it’s in your graveyard, whereupon you can discard a land to cast it from your graveyard, but not target a land discarded this way.

@yourrightfulking​ — Mutilated Faerie

Things I like: This name and the intention of the flavor text is almost grimdark; I’m not averse to that. I actually really like the fact that it can’t block, because it lets you have deathtouch with a little more aggression. The fact that it’s an assassin almost makes me wonder about the story of this individual character, and you know what, that means that flavorfully you’re doing something really right.

Where to improve: The “human sacrificing” part feels important to your implied set, and I don’t know how to feel about that. You get a 2/1 deathtouch body and potentially take out another faction? I mean, if this was Eldraine, this card would probably be actually sought in drafts with the human as-fan. Might be a little too powerful on that front depending on the environment. But, uh, the flavor and name? I want to like it but it’s more confusing than not. “Pixie plucking” seems like either a poaching crime or a children's game, and the reason WHY pixies are plucked could be better specified. The second sentence is a fragment. Your story implies that a plucked pixie will 100% die, but then, how did this one get mutilated? To kill the culprit, the pixie would have had to escape mutilation, and this mutilated one apparently survived a 100% kill rate? Not sure where you’re going with this. Sort it out and you’ll be fine.

And there we have it. Again, I wanna stress, I’m using my best judgement and opinions here, but people are absolutely free to disagree. I hope that the constructive portion, even if it’s something you disagree with, helps see another perspective. Lots of cards here help me see other perspectives as well, and thank you for that. Tune in for something tomorrow. What will it be? The world may never know. Or maybe it will. Or will it?

— @abelzumi​

[writerperson7]

You have exactly 3 min write whatever comes to your head. Ready. Set. GO!

I want to write. The words filling up my everywhere. Sentence structures so tantalizingly close why can’t the words fall into place? Instead i'm playing mad libs staring at a blank space. And when I do try to fill them in, the story is almost comical, not making any sense. Because I don’t know which daydream to choose. I came to make a poem but this is sounding repetitively incomprehensible. And I'm tapping the screen without bothering to look because it still won’t make sense even if I were to revise. All these ideas belonging separately, opposites don't attract, they just push away. All my commas and periods are misplaced. Error lines over the words where I messed up on grammar or spelling and I wonder what this device will interpret. If it knows how to say my thoughts better than I can.

[tipsydipsydo]

Hi! What’s your first language? Just wondering! 💜

Heyo Sweetie! 💕

My native language is German. Yeah :')

Maybe this fact would explain my sometimes a little weird sentence structure, waaay too long sentences (for the english Language) and my habit to put commas in them where they doesn't belong to. 😂😅

You guys just need to see how I always try to correct my writings:

"I know that this here isn't correct. But I can't figure out where to put that damn word!"

"Tipsy, be careful with commas. Even when the urge is very, very strong to put it there."

I'm still working on it... I have a complicated relationship with English xD

Now some fun facts about me:

Writing is relatively okay for me now but I have a really strong german accent

I can't spell the word 'literature' :'))))

Over the last weekend I just figured something else out: A friend of mine studies Germanistic/german literature/the german language (whatever 😂) and she just said out of the blue: "Tipsy, I just realized that you're constantly talking in the 'Plusquamperfekt' (Past Perfect) and you even use it always correctly! Like 95% of peoples don't use the past perfect and when they do, they to it wrong. AND YOU USE IT CORRECTLY IN SMALL TALK?"

Me: 😳

Well... (maybe that explains some weird writing habit as well😂😂)

Anyway, thanks for your cute ask!☺🤗

Send love, Tipsy! 💜

[heslikeaboyiveneverseen]

No one is you and that is your power

Autumn killed summer with the softest kiss

We haven’t spoke since you went away | Comfortable silence is so overrated

Sounds like something that I used to feel

Lover what’s your next move?

Give me your number, pick any colour, I can tell your fortune tonight

Be my mirror, my sword and shield

Is it chill that you’re in my head?

I’m your wreck

Ain’t no shame in some hand me downs

Just a comma in a decimal town anyway

The Black clouds hanging above you will follow me tonight

If it’s good it never goes away

Comparison is the thief of joy

It’s just a super cut of us

This sunflowers waiting for you

Baby you were my picket fence

Just need you and some sunsets

Fine as wine

I like my coffee how I like myself; strong, sweet and too hot for you

Don’t be bitter, just be better

They say you lose time asleep but I’m just tryna dream

Enjoy the best things in your life

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

“Find someone who loves you well. Someone who never belittles you. Even in the heat of an argument. Someone who is gentle with you, but does not treat you like you are fragile. Someone who knows what you are capable of, and celebrates those pieces of you. Not someone who is intimidated by your strength. Someone who doesn’t make you feel guilty for being flawed. It is not love’s job to punish you. And remember the person you love is just as broken as you are when they fall short. No one is perfect – do not hold them to this standard. Find someone who is patient, forgiving, and apologetic. Someone who practices forgiveness freely and often. Love someone who is humble, kind, and empathetic. Not only with you, but with a beggar on the street, or a stranger in the supermarket. Common courtesy is important. Compassion is important. Kindness is important.”

My bones are too brittle to survive your love

Times are tough but I’m tougher

I’ll be fine

Study the painful patterns in your life then don’t repeat them

Never apologize for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn’t apologize for shining. The rain doesn’t say sorry for falling. Feelings just are

“Songs to listen to while you reflect on every awful decision you have ever made throughout your horrible life”

“Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself.”

C.JoyBell C

Definitely ≠ defiantly

Take chances take risks prosper

Visions of you maroon 5

Remember I told you I need you nick Jonas

The past is a place of reference not residence

Like I do David guetta

Best friend sofi tukker

So some days are just filler episodes. On Sunday, you feel a lot, but you don’t go anywhere. From the bed, to the fridge, to the couch, to toilet, to the sink, to the bed. Strips of light turn to strips of black between the blinds, and that’s the only way you know that the world is moving. You might even have a string of days like this one, where you can’t find meaning between the rise and fall of your breathing. It’s really nobody’s fault. All that I can tell you is: don’t close your heart to what comes next. In what other world do you get thousands of chances to discover yourself? Maybe on Monday, you’ll find some answers. Maybe on Tuesday, the pain will subside. Some days are just for getting through and getting by.

The egg don’t swim to the sperm bitch, never chase a man

I was an atheist until I reaLized I was god

What I want: money

What I got: a personality disorder

At least I have multiple disorders so they never get lonely

I have the same taste in wine as I do people, cheap and pretty tucking shitty

Get you a straw, you know this pussy is juicy

It would not be much of a universe if it wasn’t home to the people you love

And then some

To sink into myself courageously, electrically

Standing trial for your sins

Call me a safe bet, I’m betting I’m not

There is nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood

Just because you are soft does not mean you are not a force to be reckoned with, both honey and wildfire are the color of gold

When I look at the universe I feel large, because I remind myself that not only are we living in this universe, the universe is living within us

Don’t hate your body because it’s too fat or too thin. Hate it because it’s a prison of flesh and it’s existence is meaningless

“Many of us have been running all our lives. We have the feeling that we need to run—into the future, away from the past, out from wherever we are. In truth, we don’t need to go anywhere. We just need to sit down and look deeply to discover that the whole cosmos is right here within us.”a

We are products of our pass but we don’t have to be prisoners of it

Illenium drawl outta love

If nothing lasts forever can I be your nothing?

When you’re in a dark place, you sometimes tend to think you’ve been buried. Perhaps you’ve been planted.

Unique

Baby I’m howling for you

I think us bad bitches is a gift from god

Pussy so good I said my own name during sex

Now now / half noise

“I hate cats” Yo dude i trusted you wtf the fuck? What the fuck?? What the fuck what the

I love the way you stay away from me, you make me melt

Only got each other we can turn to

Lying here, I know they’ll never break you free

Sometimes you have to burn some bridges to create some distance

Be your main girl

Now you’re seeing black and white, so I’ll paint you a clear blue sky 🎨

What’s the deal with young chickens?

My little girl Tim McGraw

Aka the independent variable

Let it pass; April is over, April is over. There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice.

I’m a creature of a culture I create

You don’t know my brain the way you know my name, you don’t know my heart the way you know my face

We live for the nights decor

I’m never what I like, I’m double sided

A car, a torch, a death

Friend, please

So good

Britney Spears g eazy

We were going and wild and decided not to have a child

Teach me how to be like you so I can not give a fuck

I’m a sucker for the way that you move babe

Don’t dismiss the elements. Water soothes and heals. Air refreshes and revives. Earth grounds and holds. Fire is a burning reminder of our own will and creative power. Swallow their spells. There’s a certain sweet comfort in knowing that you belong to them all.

Can’t promise that things won’t be broken but I swear that I will never leave

No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side. Or you don’t.

I would love to say that you make me weak in the knees but to be quite upfront and completely truthful you make my body forget it has knees at all.

ur purpose on this earth isn’t to be liked by everyone why would u waste ur time trying to live such a restrictive existence trying to impress everyone like who really gives a fuck

What you seek lies far beyond this comfortable place

Close some doors today. Not because of pride, incapacity, or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere.

No mighty oak grew tall all on her own, she called on the winds to carry her seed, the rich earth to settle her roots and the sun and rains to make her strong. Do not be ashamed to reach out for help, this is how all great things are grown.

Shits all fucked up: a memoir

So sad, so strange. The days that are no more

Close some doors today. Not because of pride, incapacity, or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere.

You are too full of everything that makes you whole to ever be loved in halves

[hovercraft79]

Winter Song

Ch: 6 Hard Candy Christmas

Chapters: 6/31 Word Count: I,711 Fandom: The Worst Witch (TV 2017) Rating: Teen Warnings:  some difficulty dealing with the judgement of others Summary: Julie Hubble decides to see how Miss Mould is adjusting to life in the Ordinary world. Along the way she gets a bit of insight into Mildred, Hecate Hardbroom and enjoys a fabulous milkshake.

Notes: This story is part of the B-Sides: Stories from the world of Hecate’s Summer Playlist series. It is a prequel to Hecate’s Summer Playlist.

The title, Hard Candy Christmas, is by Dolly Parton, of course. So much to love in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.

Once again, Sparky did her best to save me from my own deranged use of commas and semicolons.

“Can I get one by the window, love? I’m meeting a friend.” Julie smiled and followed the hostess to a table by the window. She slung her bag over the back of the chair and settled into the café table, making sure to keep one eye on the door. She folded, smoothed and refolded a paper napkin, knee bouncing under the table. She sniffed the red carnation sprouting from the glass vase in the middle of the table. She read and reread the menu. She checked the time on her phone; she still had twelve minutes before she was supposed to meet Miss Mould at one.

Eight minutes before the hour Julie spotted a colorful coat winding through the holiday crowds filling the sidewalk. Keeping an eye on the swirling blues and greens, Julie watched the witch approaching, slowly, eyes moving back and forth between the storefronts and a piece of paper clutched in her hand. She paused on the sidewalk in front of the café, double and triple checking the address. Julie rapped her knuckles against the window, finally catching Miss Mould’s attention and waving the witch inside.

Marigold pushed the door open and rushed to the table, looking relieved. “Ms. Hubble!” Julie stood and they awkwardly flipped between missed hugs and missed handshakes, neither doing the same thing at the same time.

“Sit down, love!” Julie pulled a chair out for Marigold and shoved the menu into her hands. “I’m bloody starving.” She plunked back into her own seat and took up the menu again. “What would you like to drink? They’ve got a lovely cuppa. And if you’re feeling indulgent, they make a fabulous Black Forest milkshake – chocolate and cherries.” They slipped into silence as each woman studied her options.

After a few minutes, Marigold closed the menu, nervously rubbing her fingers over the cover. “I think just a cup of the tomato bisque for me.”

Julie looked up, stunned. “Tomato? What? You’ll do no such thing, love!” She reached across and opened Marigold’s menu back up. “I didn’t ask you to lunch for you to skimp on a bit of soup. Order what you’d like. It’s my treat.”

“You don’t have to –”

“I know.” Julie covered one of Marigold’s hands with her own. “But I want to. You’ll hurt my feelings if you don’t get at least a double cheeseburger with chips. The brie burger is to die for, it’s me regular.”

Marigold’s eyes shone with unshed tears, but she nodded anyway. “Thank you, Ms. Hubble.”

“And if you don’t start calling me Julie, I swear I’ll order the most expensive things on the menu and then do a runner,” she said, winking.

“Julie, then. Thank you, Julie.” She smiled shyly and went back to studying the menu.

The waitress came and went. True to her word, Julie ordered the brie burger with a large side of chips. Marigold opted for the chicken and avocado sandwich with a cup of the tomato bisque instead of chips or crisps.

“How are things with the…Council?” Julie asked, glancing furtively around. “How do things stand for you?”

Marigold glanced around the café. A cheerful boisterousness filled the space as guests chatted and laughed with each other. No one paid them any mind whatsoever. “I guess the Council is more or less finished with me. They kept me in…” her voice caught, and she swallowed hard before she could go on. “They kept me in custody for thirty days. I think they were trying to decide what to do with me. If I had my powers, they would have been confiscated for a period of time. Not life.” The waitress swept by, depositing a pot of tea and two mugs. She turned her attention to preparing her tea.

Julie poured her own tea, frowning as she tried to work out the best way to say what she wanted to say. “I don’t understand why they needed to punish you at all, Marigold. You weren’t responsible.”

Marigold’s mug clattered onto the table. “How can you, of all people, say that? I nearly cost your own daughter her magic. Girls were hurt because of me.”

Carefully, Julie placed her spoon on the tabletop. “What – exactly – did you do? From what Mildred said, Ethel Hallow stole the Founding Stone. Ethel Hallow created a duplicate one to put on display. Ethel Hallow tricked her sister into taking the Stone’s power causing,” she looked around, leaned forward and dropped her voice to a whisper, “causing a magical black spot.” She leaned back in her chair. “As far as I can tell, you had a moment of weakness. You didn’t tell them where the stone was, but you didn’t know anyone was still in the castle. You almost cost my daughter, Maud, Enid and Felicity everything. You almost cost Hardbroom and Miss Cackle everything. But when it came down to the wire, Marigold, you did the right thing. You made a great sacrifice. And I’m grateful to you for it. My daughter is whole, thanks to you. So are the rest. Cackle’s still stands.”

“You sound like Miss Hardbroom,” Marigold sniffled, wiping tears from her eyes.

“Hardbroom? The one with the broomstick shoved –” she finished the sentence with a rather graphic gesture.

“That very one. She actually…” Marigold dabbed at her eyes again. “She actually spoke to the Mag— Council on my behalf. Quite forcefully, I must say. I didn’t expect her to do that. Miss Cackle and Miss Drill were also there. That’s why it was only thirty days and… and…” She took a steadying breath and a bracing gulp of tea. “Exile into the Ordinary world. Though… I suppose I’m not really exiled. I just don’t belong in the witch— I don’t belong there anymore.”

“I don’t either, love. And I’m going just fine.” The waitress approached, and Julie slid her mug to the side to make room for their meal, letting the conversation lapse into something almost like companionable silence as they ate.  “Mmph!” Julie chewed her burger and swallowed. “I meant to ask you if you found a flat yet?”

Shaking her head no, Marigold set her sandwich back down without taking a bite. “It’s getting’ a bit dodgy on that front, as well. The Council put me in sort of a part-time lodging when they released me, but I’m only meant to stay there for another week. I don’t even know how to fill out the forms for an apartment. Or to find a job. I have some money saved from Cackle’s but… It won’t last long and my family isn’t exactly keen on helping out, now that I’m the black sheep.”

“I know a bit about that. Me mum wasn’t exactly thrilled when I broke out the news I was up the duff over the Sunday ham.” She took another bite of her burger, savoring the earthy taste of the brie. “Why don’t you come ‘round for supper on Friday? We can take a look at those forms together, see if we can’t get you settled.”

“You really don’t have—” Marigold stopped herself when Julie looked like she was about to fling a chip across the table at her. “That’s very kind of you,” she corrected, quickly. “I’d love to.” She spooned out the last of her soup. “This is a far sight better than Tapioca’s soup, to be sure.”

“Oi, tell me about it. I have to go to Cackle’s for a brunch Sunday for the Spe—” she dropped her voice to a whisper. “For the Spell Science Fair. I can only imagine what she does with brunch,” she said wrinkling her nose.

“I don’t miss her cooking, that’s the truth.” She fussed with her napkin a bit before speaking. “I don’t suppose… since you’re going to be at Cackle’s anyway…” Marigold stared at her empty cup of soup as if it held the secrets of the universe. “Would you mind giving Dimity, I mean, Miss Drill my regards?”

Julie suppressed a grin, and the urge to tease, responding as casually as she could, “I would be happy to. If you’ve anything you’d like to send up the mountain, I’d be happy to take it.”

“I don’t. I don’t think,” she said quickly, pushing the last bit of her sandwich away. “Thank you. Speaking of things I’d like to send along…” Marigold twisted around in her chair and pulled her oversized bag into her lap, extracting a flat package wrapped in brown paper. “This is for you. To say thank you for being kind to me when you have every reason not to be.” She handed the parcel over to Julie.

“You didn’t need to bring me anything,” Julie said, tearing into the paper anyway. “Ohhh…. Marigold. This is lovely.” It was a brightly colored acrylic painting of what looked like Mildred, standing on the stage in the theatre, holding up the staff she’d carved herself. Above her, a myriad of objects floated, captured in a glowing blue haze of magic. “That’s supposed to be Millie?”

“It is. She really did that, stopped all the things that had escaped from Vanishment from hitting the Great—from hitting Hellibore. She was magnificent. She’s going to be very powerful someday.”

“I wish that old Miss Hardbroom thought so,” Julie muttered. “This really is lovely. I know just where I’m going to hang it.”

“Thank you.” For the first time, Marigold smiled a wide, true smile. “And Julie? Miss Hardbroom does think so. She knows so. I think that’s why she’s so hard on Mildred, why she’s so keen on her learning to control her… self.”

Julie thought about that for a moment. It would be nice if it were true. Sometimes she could almost believe that Hardbroom did care about her daughter. Mildred had somehow managed to remain fond of Miss Hardbroom. She’d have to think on that a bit, she decided. For now, though… “Nah…” she said, scrunching up her face. “I don’t buy it. But I do want to buy one of those Black Forest milkshakes. Care to share with me?”

“I think you’ve made me an offer I can’t refuse,” Marigold answered, flagging down the waitress.

[brightbeautifulthings]

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

"There were things I wanted to tell him. But I knew they would hurt him. So I buried them, and let them hurt me."

Year Read: 2019

Rating: 3/5

Context: I took a contemporary American fiction class that loosely centered on 9/11 stories, including novels like Don DeLillo's Falling Man and Thomas Pynchon's Bleeding Edge. Since Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close wasn't on the list, I can only conclude that not only did my favorite professor not like Foer's novel (which I doubt informed his choice overly much; he had a tendency to spit whenever he talked about Jonathan Franzen, yet Freedom was still on the book list), he also didn't consider it important enough to teach. I find this both sad and hilarious. I gravitate toward 9/11 novels because it's one of those events that divides American culture clearly into Before and After. I'm new to Foer's fiction, but I probably wouldn't put it on my list either. Trigger warnings: death, death of a parent, death of a child, suicide, PTSD, trauma, anxiety, terrorism, falling, body horror, burns, graphic images, some snobby comparisons to DFW, and a total failure to condense my thoughts into < 1,500 words.

About: Nine-year-old Oskar Schell is devastated by his father's death in the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. More than a year later, he discovers a key among his father's belongings that doesn't fit any lock in their apartment. It's in an envelope labeled Black. Estranged from his mother and unable to connect with other kids his age, Oskar devises a plan to meet every person named Black in New York City and ask them if they met his dad. He's determined to reconnect with his father any way he can and learn the truth of their last scavenger hunt, but Oskar is haunted by his father's last messages on the answering machine from inside the tower and, since his body was never recovered, that he will never know the full truth of how he died.

Thoughts: Interesting premise, shaky execution. My overall sense is that if Foer had spent more time on the story and less on the structure, it would have been a more effective novel. It's like a lot of these kinds of books in being slightly weirder than the actual world. Nothing that happens absolutely couldn't happen, but it's highly unlikely that it would all happen together. (What kind of parent lets their nine-year-old wander New York City by himself, especially following 9/11 when everyone was highkey paranoid?) I don't mind experimental novels done well, but ELIC is experimental-lite at best and not altogether ground-breaking. The text is supplemented by photographs, pages of writing on top of writing, single sentences on a page, and various other stylistic diversions. It's not so overwhelming that a novice to this kind of fiction would have trouble following the plot, but with one or two exceptions, these additions don't feel like a necessary part of the text; the story would have read just as well, and possibly better, without them.

My favorite exception is the chapter edited by a red pen, the only confirmation we have that Thomas Schell ever read his absent father's letters, and an ironic comment that he had the emotional distance to grammar-check them; he even circled the "I love you" in the complimentary closing like he would circle a correction. The other exception is a tougher pill to swallow, and it's hard to imagine why Foer thought it was a good idea to include actual photographs of the falling man in his book. If you didn't know what it was, you might not realize what you were looking at right away, but the images of people jumping to their deaths out the windows of the World Trade Center are a ubiquitous part of 9/11 history. (Is it ubiquitous because books like this brought attention to it? I was in middle school, so I don’t remember.) Like most things that are done for shock value, putting them in the book is in extremely poor taste.

I don't care that much for Foer's prose. The chapters cycle among Oskar, his grandmother, and his grandfather's perspectives. Oskar's chapters read exactly nothing like a nine-year-old kid's and seem mostly an excuse to include juvenile humor, random facts, and quirky observations (much more, in fact, like a 20-year-old male writer's perspective). His grandfather's are an onslaught of run-on sentences, comma splices, and spelling mistakes, and as a father who walked out on his wife and unborn child, he's possibly the least sympathetic character in the story. Much like real life, characters wander in and out of the narrative without any attempts at reason or closure. This is most noticeable with the Mr. Black who lives in Oskar's building, who randomly decides to remove himself from Oskar's search for no apparent reason and is never heard from again.

There are attempts to draw parallels among Oskar's experience with 9/11, his grandparents’ experiences with the bombing of Dresden, and, more loosely, the atomic bombings in Japan. Aside from the fact that they're all tragedies that leave dead and traumatized people in their wake, I have a hard time comparing 2,000 deaths to 20,000 deaths to a potential 200,000 deaths. (Once you start adding zeroes, is that not a whole different level of atrocity?) The book does better justice to 9/11 than any of the others, and it's an interesting look at how we struggle to make meaning after something so horrific and meaningless happens to us.

In that respect, the novel itself is an act of meaning-making as we struggle to piece together the various kinds of text and the different perspectives and timelines. Like most books of this kind, it puts a lot of responsibility on the reader to make it into a coherent story. Like most books of this kind that aren't done that well, it doesn't do enough work of its own to make a meaningful story. I wasn't expecting closure from a book like this (which is good because there is none to be had), but there's also no impression that Oskar is bringing his experiences together in a meaningful way--so there's no chance for the reader to do that either. The overall message seems to be that there IS no meaning to them. On one level, I might agree; it may be impossible to bring meaning to the death of a parent, particularly one who died in such tragic circumstances.

But the other stuff, the living part where Oskar met so many people and affected so many different lives, is open-ended to a frustrating degree. It's not quite as nihilistic as a lot of post-9/11 fiction; Oskar's search ultimately brings him back to the most important people in his life, which is a strong message, but it doesn't bring a whole lot of sense to anything leading up to that. Forcing readers to draw their own conclusions is a fine strategy, but I would have preferred to see Oskar's conclusions as well after I followed him through an entire book. In that respect, the film does a much better job in bringing Oskar's experiences together into something meaningful. We get to see how it was actually a bonding experience for him and his mother, and how touching all those lives brought something important to them and to him. This is the kind of thematic closure I was hoping for from the book, and the film just made it more obvious that it isn't there.

Notes on David Foster Wallace connections: I'm one of those terrible snobs who compares every contemporary literary fiction novel written by a white dude to Infinite Jest, and Foer doesn't seem at pains to hide the references. My favorite is a picture Oskar has of a tennis player on the ground, but he notes that from the expression on his face, we can't tell if he's won or lost. This is an A+ IJ reference, since it's rife with tennis players, sinister smiley faces, and confusion over whether people are laughing or crying. The others are more inscrutable. I have no idea what to make of Oskar playing Yorick in his school play, other than that his teachers are strangely morbid in dressing up a kid in a papier-mâché skull to play a dead guy. I'm sure that's not traumatizing at all. IJ is a loose Hamlet retelling, so Foer could have picked any other Shakespeare play to avoid the reference; I'm just not sure what it's saying. The last includes mild spoilers for both IJ and ELIC, so proceed with caution. In possibly the weirdest and most pointless detour of the book, Oskar and his grandfather dig up his father's empty casket and fill it with notebooks. Again, I have no idea what to make of this. While Oskar is very bothered by the fact that it's empty, we don't get the sense that he gains a lot of closure from this mad adventure. It's clearly a parallel to Hal and Gately digging up Himself's grave, except in IJ, they have good reason for doing so. Thoughts and theories from people who have read both? I'm interested to hear interpretations.

[davidfarland]

Rules For Writing Groups

What Makes A Writing Group Successful?

In our Apex writing group, Apex is an umbrella organization that provides services for a large number of writers, but we also encourage writers to do things in smaller groups. For example, some writers are having great success by meeting together for daily writing sprints, or weekly brainstorming sessions or critique groups.

I’ve belonged to several writing groups, and many of them were excellent, while a couple were actually dysfunctional. I’d like to suggest a few things that you can do to keep your writing group on track.

First, have a leader for your group—a president, and a sergeant-at-arms. The president’s job might be to lead discussions and to submit ideas for rule changes. The sergeant-at-arms is a person who talks quietly to someone who breaks the rules and let’s them know that the group has a problem. He or she may even need to evict others. Usually, both positions are voted upon.

Second, manage the size of your group. You don’t want to be overwhelmed by piles of manuscripts to critique each week, so don’t let the group get too big. I’ve seen writing groups with 150 people in them, and at that size, you can’t really have a meaningful critique of a novel. Even ten people is too large.

I’ve been in some groups where each writer was expected to submit, say, twelve pages a week. That worked very well. It meant that each writer progressed each week, but no writer came in with two hundred pages, week after week.

Generally speaking, by the time you’ve had eight people comment on a single manuscript, you’re probably critiqued it enough, so decide how big you want your group to be—three people, six? Once you hit your limit, close the group. In the same way, you don’t want the group to be too small. Search for members who compliment the group, people who have their own skillsets. Some authors, for example, might be full of passion and excitement. Another may have a vast understanding of a given genre. Those two writers are stronger together than they would be apart.

Meet together often. Most groups seem to work well when they meet weekly. If you try once a month, it can work, but groups that don’t meet together regularly will fizzle out.

Critiques should be written on the manuscript (either in pen or in a file) so that the author can compile the ideas when finished. Talking about the critique verbally, though, helps stimulate ideas in others and gets members of the group focused on a story, so you want to have both written and verbal comments. Always start a critique with something positive. Knowing what works is as important for a writer as knowing what to fix. More importantly, it helps authors remember to accentuate the positive, give praise when it might be needed the most. Give substantive criticism in oral critiques: talk about plot, characterization, scene building, pacing and other “big-ticket items.” Don’t waste a group’s time by talking about punctuation, spelling, dropped words or typos in an oral critique. Sure, you can fix commas in a written critique, but don’t belabor the point.

Agree on some rules for what you will critique. I think it is helpful for people to brainstorm a plot for a novel, for example, so you might have special brainstorming sessions. But you might not want to waste time critiquing something like nonfiction articles.

Assign roles to your group members. In one group I belonged to, we had an author who watched markets, for example, so that each week we would discuss contests or magazines that were opening. That author always searched for news, but we soon found that everyone was helping out. Suddenly we had more than a dozen people gathering important data, and it taught all of us to keep our eyes open.

      1. Divide your meetings into parts.

At the appointed time, let your sergeant-at-arms call your meeting to order. (That means, you stop gabbing.) Remember, this is a writing group, not a social group. If your start time is 8:00 PM, don’t start it late. Just as you officially open a meeting, you also want to officially close it at the appropriate time. Many groups like to go out afterward and socialize, but don’t let your group turn into one where people only talk about writing.

Start your meeting with news of personal accomplishments. How much did each person write? (For a writing group, people should know that they must write in order to remain a member.) Find out what milestones each member reached (“I finished my novel!”)? Have them report on acceptances or awards they won, or on sales records? (This helps build excitement in the group.)

I’ve seen groups do fun things. In one group, a person passed out “gold stars” that people could wear on their forehead. In another, a person passed out brownies. IN a third, if someone finished a novel or won an award, the rest of the group paid for their dinner that night.

Next go to market news. Are there any contests that opened or new magazines or publications your group should be aware of? Have you heard of interesting local visits by celebrities or listened to any fascinating podcasts? What about news from major publishers that people should be aware of. Be brief, but share.

Once that is out of the way, get to the work of brainstorming or critiquing!

With brainstorming, you want a free flow of ideas. Let an author present an idea—say a novel summary—and then go around the room and suggest ideas about how to make it better, but set a time limit. “We’re going to talk about Sarah’s upcoming novel for 20 minutes.”

      2. Now begin the critique session. This has a few rules.

It is the author’s job to listen to critiques and take notes—never to defend his or her work or to apologize. There should be a “no cross-talk policy.” This should be a strict rule, and those who violate it should be ejected from the meeting.

The critic has the floor. When a critic is speaking, no one should interrupt to give their opinion, except for the sergeant-at-arms, who can cut them off if the critique goes on too long or becomes abusive. (Remember, some critics will campaign for changes to a story, but that isn’t their job. Their job is to point out ways to improve the story.)

The critic should always address the story, not the author. In other words, if a character, let’s call her Terry, is a horse thief, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the author is a horse thief. Good people have to address imaginary evils in their fiction.

Set reasonable time limits for a critique. Five minutes for ten pages if probably more than enough. At exactly five minutes, the critic needs to shut up. This means that you might need an official timekeeper.

If you love a story, tell the author how you feel. Something like, “This is an excellent story, and if I were an editor, I would buy it as is,” can be very helpful. I recall being in on one session where half the room said this—and they were right.

Some groups like to allow the author to respond at the end of a critique, perhaps to explain why they did this or that. It’s healthy, but the response needs to be concise, too. In other words, keep the time on! I usually like to thank people for their critiques.

Some groups also like to allow crosstalk after the critiques finish. This often leads to important brainstorming ideas, so I encourage it.

Remember, a writing group is a living, growing thing. It may change over time, and your rules need to evolve with it.

Happy writing!

Want to meet with writers from around the world to help boost your group: join us at Apex-writers.com. You can take classes and workshops together, listen to bestselling authors, and learn from editors and agents on a weekly basis. More importantly, this is a place to network with other authors in order to help boost your career.

Announcement: The forum for the Writers of the Future discussion board just one the “Critters Award” for best forum on writing. Congratulations to Wulf Moon, Kary English, and so many others who have made this a great destination for new writers! https://www.writersofthefuture.com/writers-of-the-future-discussion-forum-wins-critters-award/?fbclid=IwAR3l4TScvrdIZWyQBlEl0a1XSPBsEgKJGYnTZ_Jkr2k6za5NZsPDBlC5jeg

[study-write-read]

Advice for New English Majors

16 August 2017

I received a message from @barbiemacy asking if I had any advice for her as an upcoming English major. That has prompted the list last follows. I hope that this is helpful for those who are starting out in our lovely field and welcome to the family!

In my experience, beginning English majors start off taking rhetoric and composition courses along with literature survey courses.  Since these two are very different, (and, indeed, now two separate majors at some universities) I will tackle them separately.

Rhetoric and Composition Courses

Almost everyone is required to take this course, regardless of their major.  At large universities, this class, or the like, is predominantly taught by PhD students.  Most of the time, these courses are asking you to write a slew of different kinds of papers: personal essays, rhetorical analysis, professional/business writing, ect. You will love some assignments and hate others.  That’s just a fact.  Basically, the purpose of these courses is to try your hand at a bunch of different writing styles that will accommodate the majority of the diverse class.

Organization: for me this is very important in all courses, but especially rhet/comp. Keep everything.  Whether it is your own outlines for papers or handouts, they will be useful to you at the end of the semester when you (may or may not) have to write a reflection piece.  These types of classes usually have a lot of handouts.  Try and keep them color coded or in separate folders based on the type of paper that they are focusing on.  Also keep a space for general information.

Follow the Instructions/Prompt:  This sounds so basic, but I feel like it happens all of the time where a student misreads/interprets the prompt and is writing the wrong paper.  If you have any doubt, email your professor.

Revise: A large portion of this class is going to be revision.  Take these seriously.  Even if you got a good grade, it is going to be helpful to know how to revise a paper that is already a “good” paper.  It is a skill and like anything else, you need to practice.

Writing Center: Take advantage of your university’s writing center.  Especially early on.  In my experience (as a WC worker), they aren’t that busy at the beginning of the semester and then are super busy starting around midterms. These people will have seen the papers that you have been assigned before and will have experience helping students with those specific papers.  You’re paying for it in your tuition so take advantage.  

Along with this, if for whatever reason you can’t make it to the writing center, ask a trusted friend (someone who will critique you) to look over your paper.  Have them read it out loud to you.  They will pick up things that you don’t.  Always have a writing buddy.  If you’re really strapped for time, copy and paste your paper into google translate and have that awful computer voice read it back to you.  You will see if you made any spelling errors or if a comma is needed.

Literature Survey Courses

Literature is a bit more straight forward: read and analyze.  Not only will you have writing assignments, but also quizzes. Like rhet/comp, there will probably be some non-English majors in there as well.

Speak Up: Talk in class.  I’m an introvert and hate doing this, but it is necessary.  I went to a small university for undergrad, so I was one of about 25 students in this kind of course.  I had to take four of these classes and the most English majors that I ever had in one class was, like, three.  As an English major, there is a bit more pressure on you to make contributions to the class.  This is your field, you know what you’re talking about.  Plus, it’s a good way to get on the good side of a professor.  Silence is the greatest enemy of any teacher.  If they ask a question, please dear God, answer.  If you don’t like talking in class, pick your battles.  If there is dead silence, that’s when you speak up.  Help your professor out.  In some cases you are their Obi Wan Kenobi—their only hope.

Take Detailed Notes:  If you are reading a work, always take notes.  Sometimes you don’t realize something is important unless you are forcing yourself to write.   I like to write all of the general info (title, author, publish date, ect.) at the top and then continue with the note taking. Color code with highlighters/tabs different themes.  

If the prof writes something on the board, write it down.  They wrote it for a reason.  Odds are, it will be on your test.  Keep in mind that most professors work off of lecture notes.  They’ve taught this class before, they know what they are going to say/discuss and consequently, what will be on the test.

Also, ask your professor towards the beginning of the semester how they format exams so that you can take better notes.  For example, all of my lit course exams were set up the same way: quote analysis, character/literary terms, and a short essay.  Knowing how the test is set up can tell you what information takes priority in your studying.

In remembering publication dates (some cruel professors want you to know this), start broad and move up.  Know what century you are in.  If you know what literary school of thought the author belongs to, odds are you’re going to know the century.  Keats for example, was a Romantic, then it was sometime in the 1800s.  There’s two of the four numbers needed (and may get you partial credit).  Next come up with a pneumonic based on the title, never the author’s name because you can be looking at more than one work by the same person.  It doesn’t have to make sense, you just need to remember it.

READ: Always read.  Even if you’ve read it before.  You are a more mature reader and therefore may pick up something that you missed the first time around.  I always like to read ahead, especially at the beginning of the semester.  This gives you a cushion in case you get sick or need a day off.  Trust me, this relieves so much stress.  Some profs say to read something twice, and you should if it’s something short like a poem. But reading Kafka’s Metamorphosis twice is just going to be twice as painful—thus the detailed notes. However, always look back if you notice something later in the work.  Say you’re reading Jane Eyre for the first time.  Little Jane reading that book about birds seems unimportant at the beginning.  Then, you realize there is A LOT of bird imagery.  Skim back over the beginning and mark all of those birds!    

[great-nini]

TRUE COLORS - An Ink x Error Fanfiction (general information)

Welcome to the guide post of my Fanficiton called “True Colours”.

In this post I will gather general information about my story. If there will be many questions this will turn into a FAQ-post, so it will be updated if needed.

____________________

WHAT IS IT ABOUT?

Normally I’m not much of a shipper, but Ink x Error kinda hit me hard. And as I couldn’t find a decent Ink x Error fanfiction out there (if there is one and I missed it I’m highly sorry, I didn’t search for long as the most stuff out there seems to be poorly written smut), I decided to write what I wanted to read myself:

This is the story how Ink and Error become a couple (is this a spoiler?) while staying as true to their original personalities as possible. 

Of course I had to change some things, but without those minor changes they aren’t shipable. Also I added some “story” around them, as I prefer it if stories don’t take place inside a bubble :’) 

So yeah, there is an actual plot (it’s rather long) and everything is progressing veeeeerryy sloooow. As you might imagine, those two dorks need to go through a lot of change before they can become the devastating cute couple we know and love. And sometimes life isn’t working in your favour either...

Although I tried to include as much canon as possible, keep in mind that I interpreted a lot of things! If you wonder what is canon and what not, ask me, I kept track of pretty much everything I used as a reference.

This whole story was highly inspired by the amazing blog @ask-glitch-and-squid 

Ink belongs to @comyet / @myebi

Error belongs to @loverofpiggies

(I won’t tag other characters here as it would be a spoiler.)

And most importantly: this story wouldn’t be as good as it is now without my AMAZING BETA READER @azy-arty You made it so much easier to work on this story it’s a blessing ;__; <3

____________________

WHERE TO READ?

The first chapter can be found HERE.

All chapters will be published on my profile on Archiveofourown.org. Don’t repost my work somewhere else!

You can find my profile here or just look for me as “Greatnini” on AO3.

I will inform about every new chapter on my tumblr page.

The post which links to every single chapter that was already published can be found here: Index

____________________

 AGE RATING 

I think this story is suitable for everyone at the age of 13 or beyond.

There won’t be smut, there will be violence, some chapters can get under your skin if you’re sensitive and there might be one, or two (or more...) scenes that evoke quite some emotions. At least I try to achieve that. (My beta reader @azy-arty says I’m feeding off her tears).

If you have a soft soul - be warned! But generally: enjoy!

____________________

HOW OFTEN WILL THERE BE AN UPDATE?

I will try to post an update as often as possible. I try to aim for every 1-2 weeks.

But university has started and this story is rather long, and sometimes I need to connect two or more chapters to each other, so I have to write THEM ALL before I can post a single one of them. I really don’t want to go back and delete chapters to reupload them. And I have a life. But the whole story is already planned from beginning to end, so I will pull through with it!

____________________

AM I ALLOWED TO MAKE FANART/DUBS?

Of course you are! It would be a great honour to be honest. 

Just link back to my tumblr page, my A03 account or this post! 

As a tag you can use #truecolors!fanart (or #truecolors!dub if you make a dub? Don’t know if people wanna make dubs out of it :’D) than I will be able to find it more easily :>

If you are left with questions: Go and leave me an ask!

____________________

True ColOrs or True ColOUrs???

I use both to tag my work - #truecolours and #truecolors because “color” is the more common version here in the Internet, but the story is written in BE. I know, confusing. 

Go with whatever feels natural for you.

____________________

THERE ARE SPELLING/GRAMMAR/... MISTAKES

I am really giving my best to avoid any mistakes and thus I check my texts over and over (and over and over) again, but let’s be honest: I won’t be able to give you a flawlessly written story. My aim was to improve my writing/language skills with this story - one of the main reasons behind this project. (Please remember that English isn’t even my first language).

If you find something and you have the strong urge to inform me, go ahead and tell me, I will correct it. (Just...don’t be a dick about it.)

Spelling and grammar is easy to correct for me even without help, but sentence structure and commas are a different thing. (God damn I can’t even remember the rules for commas of my native language xD) Nevertheless I won’t be lazy and try my best to present the best English possible.

[thewhiterabbit42]

On The Edge

Summary: While Sam and Dean try to beat Lucifer to Cas and Kelly, you’re left behind with Crowley who isn’t acting like himself. 

Pairing: Crowley x Reader

Word count: 6975 

Warnings/Tags: smut, unprotected sex (wrap it up folks), foreplay, ummm, filth? (Jesus, how did Crowley come out with tamer tags than Gabe?) a little bit of everything as far as feels go.

Written for my 100/200 follower celebration  

Requested by: @devilsnevercry1388 Quote: “This must be what going mad feels like.” Kink:  Surprise Sex

Author’s Note:  The poetry Crowley uses is from Part II of Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge.  They are my absolute favorite lines from that entire piece and just jumped into my head as I was writing this.  

Special thanks to: To my wonderfully amazing beta @sumara62, aka my Jedi Master wise in ways of the force and the comma.  You don’t just catch my mistakes, you help me bring to life what I’m trying to convey and I am grateful you know what my wordy ass is trying to say ;)   I also want to thank the lovely @blondecoffeecake for keeping my muse fed and helping me take a direction in this story when I got stuck.  Oh, and extra thanks for the future crack fic.  Probably coming around Christmas.  

***Please do not repost or copy my work to any other site without my permission.  Giving credit does NOT count.***

The world sits on the edge of a precipice, the Winchesters scrambling to keep it from toppling over.  You, on the other hand, sit back at the bunker, arguing with a rather pissed off Crowley who does not like having his hand attached to the furniture.  Not that you blame him.  You’d be a little miffed if your friends got a little stabby as well.  

It doesn’t matter how many times you tell Dean not to leave you with the king of Hell.  You might as well be telling him that one day Sam will die.  It skitters across his radar before he deftly bats it far out into the stratosphere where reminders of his own mortality have taken up residence.  For the most part, you’ve been able to avoid any close, direct contact, but everyone’s luck has to run out sometime.   

You just hope yours is the only one that does today.    

The problem isn’t that you don’t like Crowley or you think he’s a danger.  It’s that you don’t know how you feel about him.  The last few years have been especially confusing, the boundaries blurring between ally and enemy, and he’s taken to walking that fine line of cooperation until it benefits him to step off again.  The uncertainty puts you in dangerous territory, walking something equally as thin and fragile and you don’t know anyone in their right mind who would want to star in a tightrope act without having a safety net in place. 

Yet, out the door your friends run, though you can’t be mad at them.  Not only are they trying to stop the devil and save the world, but leaving you behind is their way of protecting you.  Leaving Crowley, however, is the one thing they are doing to cover their own hides, and you can’t blame them after the secrets the demon has kept.   

Though it does leave you with a royal pain in the ass.    

“Crowley, we’ve been over this…”  

Over.  And over.  And over… to the point where you’re one nerve away from finding a spell that will seal his mouth, temporarily or otherwise.  He cocks a brow as if he’s heard that and you wonder how privy he really is to your thoughts and how much he just plays dumb.  

“You’re not their lap dog, you know,” he tells you.  You expect for there to be a hint of disdain accompanying the phrase, but there’s nothing, save that familiar rasp and something that pushes just beyond the fringe of neutrality.  

“You’re right,” you agree, though what you’re conveying is far different than the portrait of the undervalued sidekick he’s trying to paint.  “I’m not.”   

“You’re so much more than they give you credit for,” he continues as if you haven’t even spoken.  Then again, that’s Crowley.  When all the doors he’s tried are locked, he’s persistent enough to circle back around again to see if there’s any he’s missed.  

He’s never tried to pit you against the Winchesters before.  Then again, you’ve never been in his sights.  Just as you’ve always preferred to stay on the periphery during any dealings, he’s always seemed more than content to overlook your presence.   

There’s a heady moment as your eyes connect and there’s no doubt about where his attention is focused now.

“Always tucked away in their shadow, kept on the sidelines, and told to stay behind,” that touch of something in his tone grows louder, and you feel your stomach flutter beneath his unwavering stare.  “The truth is, they can hide you all they want and you’re still going to steal the show.  Every.  Single. Time.”

Your heart picks up a few extra beats and it’s a reminder of why you avoid him in the first place.  Your stomach also rumbles and the hunter in you reminds you there’s plenty of space between Crowley and the kitchen.  The woman, however, is starving in ways that go beyond not having eaten since that morning, and she is what makes you linger longer than you know is wise.

You expect a smug smile.  A little mocking amusement to round out the look.  Instead, he simply looks tired, worn in a way that’s beyond your understanding.  You wonder if it’s connected to the fact that you only have a single lifetime to endure when he’s had so many.  

You also wonder at what point timeless beings lose track of what number they’re on.

Whatever the look is, it’s not one he wears well, and he is most certainly wearing on you as he scrapes the bottom of the barrel trying to get beneath your skin. 

“Let me up, kitten,” his tone is lined with silk that caresses over you, ensnaring more than just your hearing.  The sudden nickname has you so distracted you almost step straight off the safety of that wire.  Despite the weariness that clings to his features, there’s an energy simmering beneath the surface.  Your instincts flare, warning you that something is off, and it’s enough to keep your feet firmly planted where they belong.  

“I can’t let you up,” your voice comes out a little more breathy than you intend, something that does not go unnoticed.   His gaze fixes more intently on you, becoming increasingly uncomfortable, and you unconsciously shift your weight.    

Whatever he’s selling, you don’t want any of it.  

You don’t even know how you feel about the fact he lied about Lucifer.  Is it betrayal churning in the pit of your stomach when you look at him?  Is it resistance to the hope that descends now that your anger has abated, insisting that he must have had his reasons?  Or is it possible you’re unnerved at how close you came to never seeing him again?  

If you’re being honest with yourself, you know which one it is.  Most days, however, you don’t like to be.  Today is no exception.  

You rise from your seat next to him, intention clear in the way your eyes drift to the door.  

“Wait,” he insists, his good hand shooting out to grab you by the wrist.  Electricity sparks beneath his touch and you almost gasp at the way it shoots up your arm.  It ricochets back down the length of you, sending smaller shockwaves off within your chest and stomach.  You’re not the only one that feels it and you watch as the darks of his eyes suddenly swallow the cinnamon flecks sprinkled around the centers.  It leaves only uncharted and vast green seas staring back at you.  

“I can’t do this, Crowley.”  

You’re not sure what this even is, only that you don’t intend to stick around to see what he has to say.  Surprisingly, he doesn’t stop you.  You slip through his grasp with ease, a final jolt sliding through you as his fingers trail lightly over your pulse before dropping away entirely.  You can’t even look at him as you leave the room, as you focus on simply getting away.

***

You try to eat something, but find yourself checking your phone more often than bringing food to your mouth, which only results in cold chicken and an even colder appetite.  You push your plate away, letting out a long, drawn out breath.  

You don’t like that you’re stuck here while your friends are off trying to outsmart the devil.  You don’t like how they feel more like family than your actual one does anymore and you’ve let them leave to defuse the most unstable nuke in existence without you.  You most certainly do not like the restless energy that thrums until you can’t sit still and your hands itch to do something other than press a button and tap a screen.  

Your options, however, remain limited.

You decide clearing the table and doing dishes is as good of one as any.  It won’t occupy your mind, but it will help keep your hands busy.  You let the water run as hot as it will go, using the scalding temperature to keep you grounded.  It’s not enough to drown out the buzzing on the edge of your senses that rises steadily, culminating in an electrifying crescendo.

It’s strange.  You can’t remember ever being this keyed up.  Not during the apocalypse.  Not even when Amara was on the brink of destroying existence.  Your friends have come back heroes from worse odds and yet you’re coming apart, stitch by unraveling stitch.  It’s more than that, though.  You feel as if you’re slowly stepping onto the wrong side of sane until even the simple task of washing silverware requires far more concentration than necessary.  

By the time you realize you’re not actually going crazy, it’s too late.  

He’s already there by the way the hair on the back of your neck stands on end and his presence crackles on the air.  It makes it harder to breathe, or maybe it’s just the sudden realization of how much trouble you’re in depending what side of the line Crowley decides he’s on.

“I’ve tried so hard to stop this from happening,” his smooth voice reaches out from across the room.  You have no idea what he’s talking about and with everything that’s happened, you’re not sure if you should be reaching for a weapon, running, or offering him a glass of scotch as a peace offering.

“Day after day, day after day, we stuck, nor breath nor motion…”  His voice starts as a murmur, words taking on a smooth, seductive cadence that speaks of something long-endured which rises palpably in the air around him.  

“As idle as a painted ship, upon a painted ocean…”

You’ve considered the possibility he went insane the moment he decided to alter the plan to put Lucifer back in the cage.  The fact that he’s speaking English but still not making a lick of sense is certainly not helping his case.  Then again, at least he’s saying something, since the only way you can track him is through his words.  

The way he moves, however, has instincts whispering with warning.  You recognize the feeling.  It echoes of cases that have slipped beyond your control and you immediately still.

“Water, water, everywhere,” he continues, his presence a slow stalk that inches closer and closer.  If you had to guess where he was, it would be just passing the kitchen table.   

“And all the boards did shrink…”  His voice reappears much nearer than that and he’s closing in faster than you anticipate.  “Water, water, everywhere…”  

The silence that lapses is deafening.  You’re on edge, ears straining, but the only sound you can make out is the rapid beating of your heart.  There’s a heady rush as the air around you becomes charged, thick, overwhelming to the point it’s almost suffocating.  

This time when he speaks, he’s close enough for his breath to ghost over the shell of your ear.

“Nor any drop to drink.”

His hands move to the counter on both sides of you, and you can only hope this is all just some elaborate plan to unnerve you and not actual insanity.  

“I have tried so hard to be good,” he murmurs, his nose pressing lightly against the back of your ear just before he inhales.  Deeply.  

The fact the king of Hell is smelling you right now suggests his eggs are, indeed, a little more scrambled than usual.

Your body is just as confused as your mind, adrenaline rushing out to combat the threat even as your stomach flutters with excitement.  Your hand, however, instinctively closes over a steak knife, the action hidden beneath the foamy layer of bubbles that sway across the water’s surface.  

You wonder how much of a head start you could get if you catch him someplace good with it.  

“Put the knife down.”  This is neither a suggestion nor a threat as if he, too, can hear that song of dissonance that often hums when he’s around.

You do as you’re told, the weapon slipping through your grasp before you pull your hands out and place them on the rim of the sink in plain sight. You know you’re caught.  The question is, what is he going to do with you?

“Turn around,” he instructs and, as with the knife, you have no choice but to obey.  He steps back, allowing you room to move and as soon as you do, you find yourself face to face with something unexpected.  

“Crowley?”  This isn’t just a question of what he’s doing.  You’re also wondering just who it is you’re looking at because the Crowley you know is many things.  Calm.  Collected.  Clever.  At least three steps ahead of everyone.  The man in front of you?  Looks like whatever thread of logic tying his plan together has become significantly frayed.   

The only time you’d seen him this out of sorts was when he’d been hit with a spell that melded his mind with his vessel’s until each personality was wrestling for dominance.  You can’t help but wonder if Lucifer had done more than just try to put him in the ground.  

“So this is what going mad feels like,” he remarks, and it’s the last thing you want to hear.  There’s an odd glow in his eyes, one that echoes with the same manic buzzing skittering between the small gap between your bodies.  You don’t know what it is, only that it leaves goosebumps racing across your skin in not an entirely unpleasant way.

“I’m worried about you.”  You pause, watching as the darks of his eyes swallow more color in response to your words.  “You’re not acting like yourself.”

“Or perhaps I am myself more than I’ve ever been,” he counters, his fingers caressing your cheek.  There’s an intimacy beneath his touch that has your eyes going wide, and once again your instincts are telling you to freeze.  He pushes your hair back from your face, tucking it behind your ear before fingertips dip down along the curve of your jaw.  That same electricity sparks again, this time jolting straight into your pulse until it’s forking through your system to the point your nerve endings are positively tingling.  

You do your best to ignore the rush of blood that accompanies it, though you’re aware most is rising to the the surface in a heated flush that is not just limited to your cheeks.

“What do you want?” How you manage to ask is beyond you.  Coherent thought is a concept swiftly abandoning you, as is your ability to take in any air.  

He smiles, and you have a feeling whatever he’s about to say is not going to bring you any relief.  

“Just a taste,” he insists, and there’s no doubt about what he’s after as his gaze drops to your lips.  He doesn’t wait for a response, his hand taking you by the chin to guide you toward him.  He does move slowly enough, however, to let you know he is asking.

The question, though, appears time limited.   

Your mind is present enough to understand this is a terrible, terrible idea, and it transfers that memo to your hands which fly up to his chest as he starts to lean in.  Pushing him away, however, is just as decisive as pulling him to you, and once again you cannot move, too scared to leave the safe confines of that careful line in either direction.  

It doesn’t stop his lips from meeting yours.  It doesn’t prevent the searing heat that unexpectedly blossoms beneath the contact.  It most certainly is not stopping it from unfurling across your cheeks, creeping down the length of you or melding with that previous warmth that still has color singing across skin.  Once together, it sinks lower, slipping beneath the surface, and sending tendrils through your system as if in search of something.  

You have a feeling whatever it’s looking for is a lot more than just a taste. 

You feel your legs grow shaky, his tongue sweeping languidly along your lower lip before he draws it into his mouth.  The way he suckles it, though, is what has your balance faltering.  You almost lose it completely with the gentle nibble that follows and as before, the only thing keeping you from plummeting over the side is that sustained, cautious, lack of response.  

He doesn’t try to push for more, but the pressure of his mouth is increasing, that persistent edge within his gaze beginning to enter his movements.  With every subsequent kiss, he seems less satisfied, as if the taste he seeks only parches him instead of bringing relief.      

You’re proud of yourself for keeping it together, for not letting your senses become ensnared by the scent of his cologne or the lingering taste of scotch that transfers indirectly to your tongue.  You do not succumb to the warmth of his body that hovers so close to yours, and you convince yourself if you can just hold on to something, you can keep keep from getting swept away.   

Unfortunately, your fingers decide that something happens to be Crowley.  

They slip beneath the lapel of his suit, clutching the smooth fabric.  You’re not sure if you’re the one that’s dragging him closer, or if he’s taken it as a sign of encouragement and is now moving toward you.  Either way, the small gap between your bodies disappears and the world shifts a little sideways as his hips meet yours.  The moment he backs you into the sink, your stomach abandons ship, dropping somewhere beneath the floor, and you’re not certain if the noise that catches in the back of your throat is one of alarm or anticipation.  

Whatever it is, it spurs him to action, and the fingers beneath your chin break away to thread through the back of your hair.  The way he handles you is tender, bordering on the familiarity of a lover’s touch, and the unexpected gentleness has your heart fluttering in ways of which you don’t approve.   

Gently he guides your head back, mouth breaking away from yours, but instead of ending the madness, he takes it one step further.  Lips and tongue dance over your jaw before dipping down the side of your neck where teeth take hold of your pulse and tug.

“Crowley,” you gasp, his name just another shade of gray on this spectrum of ambiguity you’re caught in.

Part of you knows you shouldn’t be doing this.  He’s a demon, the king of Hell, and everything about those two things, and the fact you’re practically a Winchester, should have you ending this.  Yet, it’s also not that simple.  

He has stood with you against greater evils.  He has saved your life on more than one occasion.  He has even gone out of his way to protect you.  You.  Someone who really is just a sidekick to the more important characters in this ongoing cluster for which Chuck has set the stage

“Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop,” he rasps, soothing over where he’s just nipped.  “Tell me to stop and I’ll leave.”

Desire roughens the smooth edges of his words, but as he draws back for a fraction of second, you notice his voice and gaze are at odds with each other.  A fleeting glimpse is all you catch, but you almost swear his eyes hold a plea for you to end this.  Yet, his lips are descending down the other side of your neck, his tongue teasing its way to your ear where it grazes along the outer edge.   

The moment you feel his teeth upon your earlobe, your resolve to remain neutral vanishes.  

You grab the sides of his face, fingers splaying over coarse stubble as you pull his head back.  His breath grows as still as yours does, or perhaps it’s just the entire world stopping in that brief moment before you give your response.  Even you’re not certain what it will be until the words are tumbling from your lips.   

“Don’t you dare stop,” you warn, stepping straight off that line into the unknown as your lips rush forward to meet his.  Your permission strips away the barriers of his control, his tongue hastily pushing into your mouth, eager to explore.   

Your fingers card through his hair, holding his head to yours as if afraid he may pull away at any second.  His hands, however, are everywhere, rising up your back, sliding around your side, ghosting over the sides of your breasts before smoothing down the length of you.  They land briefly at your waist, fingers taking possession in the form of a light squeeze before slipping down around the back of you.  He grabs you right where your thighs meet the curve of your ass, and he takes a moment to appreciate this part of you before deftly hoisting you into the air.   

You fold against him, your arms resting on his shoulders and legs instinctively wrapping around his waist, trapping his increasingly hardening length between your bodies.  You’re vaguely aware he’s taking you somewhere, but that tongue of his is doing things to yours that makes it hard to think of anything else.  It’s not until he sets you down on something solid that you realize he’s brought you to the kitchen table.   

You take some time to get a taste of him, but it’s clear neither of you are satisfied with just this.  You need to feel his hands on your skin, his body pressed to yours, and neither of those is happening with how much clothing you both still have on.  Your fingers begin to pluck at the buttons on your shirt when his hands come up and cover yours.

“Allow me,” he offers, and a sudden chill washes over you as your entire top layer disappears in the blink of an eye.  

He hardly gives your bare skin a glance, foregoing sight to take in this new aspect of you through touch.  His mouth comes down on your shoulder and he places hot, open mouthed kisses along it before making his way lower.  Teeth and tongue come out to add taste to his exploration, and they expertly tease along the ridge of your collarbone, drawing from you an appreciative hum.  

His hands slide up to the band of your bra, though only one of them takes hold of the fabric before deftly undoing the hooks.  A smile tugs at your lips.  It’s such a subtle and very Crowley-esque move.   

“Show off,” you tease, and for a moment, he looks like himself again, a cocky smirk stretching across his features as his head hovers just over the swell of your breasts.  

“If you think that’s impressive, I’m just getting started.”

His gaze never leaves yours as his hands resume their course, moving up behind your shoulders with that same, feather-light touch.  He hooks his fingers beneath the straps, drawing them down your arms before he removes the article altogether.  The sudden coolness has your nipples hardening, and even as he tosses the garment over his shoulder, his eyes are still on yours and that confident grin remains in place 

The promise that gleams within hazel breathes vitality back into his features, and that heat burning its way through your blood pools straight between your legs 

The king has returned and the way his stare slides down the length of you, his entire kingdom now sits before him.  

His eyes linger, as if committing every curve to memory, before his hands reach up to cup your breasts.  You exhale, a soft sigh passing your lips from the breath you didn’t realize you were holding.  Tension releases though there’s a different one slowly growing in its place as his thumbs tease over hardened nubs.  A band of pleasure begins to stretch beneath your stomach, growing tauter as his mouth dips down, tongue teasing languid circles around sensitive peaks.   

Your hands splay out along his lower back, and luxury resonates in the smoothness of the garment that whispers through your touch.  You grab a fistful of fabric, hastily untucking it from his pants before delving within to grab his ass.  It’s firmer than you expect, and your fingers take ownership before pulling him tight against you.  

The table begins to sway as you roll your hips against him, a soft creaking underlying your gasps and sighs that punctuate the silence.  You feel him twitch against you, a low moan rumbling in the back of his throat.  

“Easy, kitten, or I’m liable to just bend you over and take you right here,” he warns.  He’s only partially joking.  The energy beneath his skin suddenly spills over onto yours, and the frantic cadence to which it beats leaves you wondering just how he hasn’t just taken you already.

“Then why don’t you?” You question, enjoying the way his eyes flutter as you rub yourself against him again.  

“This isn’t exactly how I imagined this.”  Everything gives a sudden shift, apology lacing his words and vying for a spot within his gaze.  As he drinks in the sight of you – your lips swollen from his attention, your skin ablaze with your own heightened desire, the way your sex is so wet the dampness is spreading to his pants –  there’s an undeniable thirst that overtakes everything other than the driving need to quench it.

“I’m not complaining,” you breathe, and his stare turns wholly unapologetic as you take hold of him through his trousers, thumb smoothing over the tip straining through the dark material.  

“Eager, are we?” He chuckles.  “So am I.  Though perhaps we should move someplace a little more comfortable?”

You expect him to magic you into your bed.  Any bed, really.  What you don’t expect is to find yourself in his lap in the middle of the library.  There’s just enough room for you both in the giant, antique leather armchair you’ve dubbed the throne by how he never fails to commandeer it when around.  

“I may have imagined this however…” You blink and your last remaining article of clothing disappears along with all of his.  “On a number of occasions.”  

You’ve always wondered what lay beneath that suit of his.  It takes you a moment to wrap your head around the fact that for a moment, it’s all yours.   

Your hands take in the lean planes of his chest, smoothing over the tops of his shoulders before dipping down along the corded muscle of his biceps.  They come to rest at the crook of his elbows, and you look up at him through lashes with a combination of coyness and shyness.  

The latter is something you’re not used to feeling, though you suppose you’re also unaccustomed to sitting astride an actual king’s lap.  

“Touch yourself, darling.  Show me how you like it.”

A thrill sings straight down the center of you, and you’re not sure what turns you on more: the sensual lilt his voice takes on or the wickedness that burns within his stare.  You want to obey him, but you are all too familiar with what your touch is like, and you have waited far too long to feel his.  

“I have a better idea,” you tell him, lips curling carnally as you raise off the chair.   He tilts his head curiously as you turn around before lowering yourself again.  You settle your legs on either side of him and his breath hitches as you sit back down, intentionally rubbing yourself against him in the process.

“Well, you certainly have my attention,” he murmurs, his hands gliding along your inner thighs before coming up to rest on your hips.  The sensation fuels your excitement, and it’s a concentrated effort to keep your movements slow and steady.  Your hand overlays his, index finger lining up tip to tip, before you pluck his grip from your side and place it over your mound.

“You want to know what I like?” You purr, dragging his finger along your folds, wetting it with your slick.  “I like the thought of you touching me.”  

“As do I,” he drawls, his free hand sliding up over your stomach, brushing along your rib cage before finally closing over your breast.  You let out a whimper and guide the finger in your possession to your clit.  You start him with slow, sensual circles, teasingly light in pressure.  His other hand takes a sensitive bud between fingertips, alternating between rolling and gentle tugs.  

The combined sensations has you mewling and the embers of your desire catching fire.  You allow him to take the reins, rewarding his efforts by rocking back against him.  You relish the way his breathing begins to pick up, matching yours as an increasing tempo of ragged gasps interspersed with moans.  

“Is this really the way you like it?” He rasps, his tongue flicking out around the shell of your ear, sending goosebumps skittering across skin.  “Or are you someone who likes things a little rougher?”

He pinches your nipple harder, your pleasure soaring as he simultaneously increases the pressure with the finger between your legs.  

“I like anything, so long as you’re the one doing it.”

You’re not sure where the confession comes from, only that it’s stumbling past your lips faster than you can catch it.  His cock twitches against you and the moment you realize what buttons you’ve pushed, you can’t resist hitting hitting them again 

“I’ve always wanted you to touch me,” you continue, “To know what it was like to have your hand down my pants.”  

Deep down, you always wanted it to be him fucking you into those cheap motel mattresses, instead of all the random drunks from the bar.  

The snarl that rises in the back of his throat suggests he does, indeed, hear far more than he lets on, and his teeth flash out across your neck, his nip wholly ungentle.  His finger picks up speed and you let out a whine, your legs beginning to shudder as those flames lick more insistently at your core.

You’re so close, teetering on the brink of release, when you feel his breath fall heavily against your ear.

“I’m going to show you exactly what you’ve been missing,” he promises, and it’s the decadent silk within his tone that ignites your senses, sending those flames into a crescendo of heated bliss that sings across your system.  

As your walls shudder around nothing, however, you feel more than a little incomplete.  

You barely finish coming when the world shifts around you in a blur.  You don’t even have time to blink when you find yourself face to face with him once more.  The odd glow remains in his eyes but it’s grown so much brighter, pushing the fringe of feral as he grabs you by the back of head and drags your lips back to his.  

His tongue slides over yours and as he’s in the process of reclaiming your mouth his hands shift.  The fingers digging into the soft flesh of your hips are as demanding as his kiss.  His cock is positively throbbing, and you reach between the two of you to give him some relief.  There’s a half-growl, half-moan that hums against your lips as you work your hand over the shaft, sliding up around his tip which is dripping with pre-cum.  

His grip over you tightens as he jerks you up to your knees.  You know what he wants, and the fact he wants it now has your legs trembling with anticipation.  

The manic energy buzzing beneath his skin hits a fever pitch as he lines himself up with your entrance.  His fingers become possessive, tips pushing to the point it’s almost painful as he pulls you down upon him. The movement is faster than you expect, and he swallows the sharp cry you give with his mouth.  You’re so wet, the only resistance he encounters is from the fact it’s been awhile since you’ve slept with anyone.  

After a few, short thrusts he’s fully sheathed and there’s a satisfied rumble that spreads through his chest.  He holds you there a moment, allowing you to adjust, or perhaps he, like you, is simply taking the time to savor how he feels inside you.  You can’t remember the last time you felt this good, your walls stretched to the max, but not uncomfortably so.  It brings with it a feeling of completeness you’ve always been missing with other men.  

You have a feeling it has nothing to with Crowley’s size, though it certainly is kingly.

His hands slip down the curve of your ass, resuming their insistent grip as he urges you to start.  You begin to move slowly, enjoying the feel of him languidly dragging across your walls and the way he perfectly hits that sensitive spot inside from this angle.  The moment his grip passes the threshold of pain, however, you decide you’ve both waited long enough.  

The next time you raise up, you take a moment to tease his tip along your entrance, in and out, in then out, before abruptly slamming down onto him.  You catch him by surprise and are rewarded with a guttural half-grunt, half-groan.  You repeat the movement, and this time he moans, deep and loud, and before you can do it again he’s taking control, thrusting up into you with slow but hard strokes. 

The sudden roughness awakens something in you, and you realize just how much you need this – him.  Your nails rake over his back, leaving raised paths of pink in their wake.  Your teeth take hold of his bottom lip and you don’t just tug, you bite.  The next breath he takes hisses in through his teeth and for a moment you’re afraid it’s too hard.  

“The kitten has claws,” he murmurs in approval, picking up the pace.  

The chair begins to rock beneath you, wood groaning in protest, and every now and then there’s a high pitched squeak as the entire seat jerks across the floor.  His hand flashes up to the back of your head, pulling your hair and drawing you back, exposing your throat to him.  His teeth leave a trail of stings in their wake and the sensations he’s creating has heat lapping at your core once more.

Your eyes slip closed, and you’re amazed at how fast he already has you ascending back up that blissful summit.  Everything suddenly stills, from the noises unconsciously slipping through your lips to your very breath as you focus entirely on him.  The way he’s pistoning in and out of you.  How it feels as he hits that inner wall whenever he gives a particularly deep thrust, burying himself as far as he can go.  From how surprisingly warm his body is to the feel of his skin against yours, you have an inexplicable urge to remember every detail you can about this encounter.  

“Look at me,” his voice breaks through the riptide of sensation you’re all but lost in, drawing you back.  

You do as he asks and something shifts.  That driving need he’s been battling slides a little further beneath the surface, his thrusts slowing as his hand comes up and cups your cheek.  The thumb that grazes along your lower lip is tender, his penetrating stare speaking with an emotion far less casual than you’d ever expect from him.  

He doesn’t just want you, he wants all of you, and that does more for you than seeing him wild with desire ever could.  

“You are perfection,” he marvels, and the way he looks at you it’s like he’s seeing you for the first time.  In many ways you feel the same, this man before you almost a stranger in comparison to the one you thought you knew.  The weariness still clinging to the lining of green has a different word whispering across your mind: human.

You don’t have time to dwell on the revelation.  His thumb brushes across your clit, causing you to shudder as sparks shoot from beneath his touch.  You clench around him, wanting this to feel as good as he’s making it feel for you, and you realize just how little you’ve given in return.

It’s time to fix that.

“Enjoy the ride, sire,” you tell him, loving the way desire darkens in his gaze at the term.  You give a few slow roll of your hips before you begin to raise up off him, bouncing on his cock at a steadily increasing pace. 

He allows you to take over, eyes riveted to your features.  He’s drinking in every detail, watching every nuance and expression as if enraptured.  Perhaps, like you, he feels the need to commit you to memory.  Whatever his reason, he pays more attention to you now than he has the entire time he’s known you, and that bundle of nerves is receiving the majority of it, his finger swirling around and around as he continuously adjusts the pressure.

It isn’t long before both your sensitive spots are singing, from one of his tips or from another.  The symphony he creates is carnal, filled with decadence and heat, much of which flows from his stare alone.  He’s proud of the song he’s creating, the notes striking chords within him as well that have him humming right along side you.  He holds back, however, waiting for your blissful tune to finish before he writes the rest of his.

The chorus is rapidly approaching, a crescendo building until you’re standing at that edge once again.  You’re so close you can peer right over it, but as your eyes slip shut in preparation for the fall, his voice draws you back.

“Look at me,” he rasps and you realize he wants to watch more than just your features when you tumble over the brink.  You open your eyes again and you’re surprised at the depth in which green has become illuminated, a stark contrast to the darkness in his pupils that are so vast and wide.  Impulse takes you by the hand, drawing your palm against his cheek.  As an unexpected tenderness settles within your chest, you realize just how deep you are in this.  

The way the sentiment echoes within his gaze, you also realize you’re not alone.   It takes you a few moments to work your way back to that peak.  You’re still wrapping your mind around the fact this is, by far, the most intimate thing you’ve ever done with anyone.  You manage to maintain the eye contact, daunting as it is, as you line yourself back up with that ledge.  The sweet symphony sends its final wave of notes singing through you and you take that final leap, your movements stuttering as you drop straight into the heated verdant waters that continue to stare at you.  

This time, when you come you feel so full and whole, it almost aches.  

You have yet to hit the ground again when his hands slip down your waist and you can tell he’s grappling to remain in control.  His grip is bruising, and suddenly he’s slamming into you at such a breakneck pace you can’t even make a sound.  The impassioned gleam within his gaze carries with it that touch of madness, releasing it in a final, bright burst as soon as his rhythm grows unsteady.  

He gives a few final thrusts, his hips rising off the chair as he pushes into you as far as he can go.  His cock pulsates before spilling his seed inside of you, something you don’t normally allow anyone else to do.  

Perhaps Crowley’s crazy is catching.  

Your body melts against him.  You know you should move, but you can’t seem to extricate yourself from him,  You don’t want to let him go.  You don’t want this moment to end.  You know beyond a doubt there’s no going back from here, but you’re not sure what going forward means either, and hiding a few more moments while you’re both in limbo seems far less intimidating.

“It’s always been you.”  He breathes his ragged confession against your neck and this time the entire universe grinds to a halt.  It’s probably as close as he’ll ever be able to come to saying the three words that hold more power to create or destroy than any spell or ritual ever could.  For the king of Hell, this is immense, and brings with it a startling burst of clarity, that has all but a few pieces of today’s puzzle sliding into place.

You swallow, head slowly drawing back so you can look him in the eye.

“Crowley…” Your tongue almost fumbles at the rising emotion that threatens to cut off your words.  “What’s going on?”

The smile he gives is open, full of adoration and a sadness that squeezes around more than just your throat.  It feeds the fear rising in your chest, and you can’t help but feel like something awful is going to happen.  It makes your grip over him grow tighter, more possessive, and now you have no intentions of letting him go.    

“For once, I’m going to do the right thing,” he says, an unmistakable apology resonating beneath his tone.  A heavy sense of foreboding washes over you.  Logic becomes bypassed and you no longer care what it is he’s talking about.  All you can think about is the sudden, visceral need to tell him no one else has ever meant anything to you, either.  It’s always been him.  

A sudden weight dampens his features, one that has weariness returning ten fold while something suspiciously looking like guilt and regret mutes his stare.  You have a feeling you don’t need to say a word to him, but it doesn’t stop you from trying.  The moment you open your mouth, however, he vanishes, leaving you with nothing but the fading warmth of his heat on leather and the chilly bunker air.  

All the Tags:  @girl-next-door-writes @wayward-mirage @fand0maniac @feelmyroarrrr @omgreganlove @jannalionheart @baritonechick, @deaths-maiden @lucifer-in-leather @stone-met   @the-moose-of-baskerville @summer-binging-spn   @raspberrypuddle @ourloveisforthelovely

[youhadmeathewwo]

Guide to Spelling and Grammar for New Writers

I got inspired, so I figured I’d write this. Note that this is going to be Internet grammar, aka ‘Good-Enough Grammar’; I’m not going to talk about split infinitives and stuff like that (not that I particularly believe in them anyway).

Examples will be in blockquotes:

This is an example of an example.

This guide covers the following: parts of speech (what kind of word a word is), how to use punctuation, when to capitalize words, some basic (technical) advice on the practice of writing dialogue, when to add paragraphs, and a list of commonly confused words and phrases your spell checker might miss.

May you find it useful in your creative work.

Parts of Speech

Anyone who knows what an adverb is can skip this section. It just covers terms for different kinds of words that come up later.

Noun
 A noun is a word that refers to a person, place, or thing. “Box”, “Canada”, “Paul”, “Duel Disk”, and “beauty” are all nouns.

Adjective 
An adjective modifies a noun. “Blue”, “beautiful”, “tall”, “shaky”, and “freaked-out” are all adjectives. 
Normally, an adjective goes right before a noun: “Blue car”, “beautiful bird”, and so on.

Pronoun A pronoun refers to someone (or multiple someones) in relative terms. “He”, “she”, “they”, “me”, “myself”, “I”, “his”, “we”, and “them” are all pronouns, though this is in no way a complete list.

Verb 
A verb is a word that describes an action. “Run”, “jump”, “think”, and “discombobulate” are all verbs. Adverb 
An adverb modifies a verb. “Quickly”, “sloppily”, and “sweatily” are adverbs.
The giveaway that something is an adverb is it usually ends in -ly. Normally, an adverb goes after (or just before) a verb: “He cooked sloppily”.

Conjunction 
A conjunction is a filler word like ‘and’, ‘but’, ‘or’, ‘yet’, ‘not’, or ‘so’. It sticks two parts of a sentence together.

Preposition A preposition is a word that pins two things down in space and/or time relative to one another (”after”, “behind”, “inside”, “above”, ”before”, ”when”), or a word like “of”, “to”, or “for” that establishes a relationship between two things.

Punctuation

The period ( . )
 A period ends a sentence. If you don’t end your sentences with periods, your readers will get very confused.

The bell tolled a final knell.

The exception is: if you are having a character say a sentence that would normally end with a period, and it’s not the end of the outer sentence that contains the dialogue line, their dialogue ends with a comma instead.

“This ends now,” Jeremy said, holding his katana.
 Dan the ninja shook his head. “It ended long ago.”

The exclamation point ( ! ) The exclamation point makes sentences emphatic! Adding one ends a sentence, and makes it sound surprising or unusual to boot.

The tiger jumped out at Calvin from behind a bush!

While you normally only put an exclamation point at the end of a sentence, you can use one at the end of a part of a sentence that’s in parentheses or dashes (see below) to emphasize just that part.

She posed with the ice cream (and finally smiled!) before I took her picture. A trumpet sounded— the army had arrived!— and the demon horde flew away in fear.

The question mark ( ? ) Question marks, which end a sentence, make the sentence into a question, or at least give it a questioning tone.

Was this all there was? There were two pizza boxes, and 100 kids outside.

Like the exclamation point, you can use a question mark without ending a sentence if you put the question mark at the end of a part of a sentence that’s in parentheses or dashes. This makes only that part of the sentence into a question.

Lily winked— was she playing a trick on me?— and held out a flower. I peeked through the door (was the concert over?) and was blown back by a jagged chord.

The comma ( , )
 A comma marks a break in a sentence. It’s used to break up the flow of sentences and make sense of them. If you’re reading a sentence aloud, a good rule of thumb is to put in a comma wherever you’d pause a bit for effect.

Sharon stared at the screen, watching the words she’d never dreamed of appear: ‘We rob the bank next Tuesday.’

More specifically, you use commas in the following situations:

• At the end of a line of dialogue, replacing periods, if the sentence with the line continues after the line is finished.

“It's over,” I said. “The world just ended.”

• In dialogue, when someone mentions another person’s name.

Kay stared at the sword, planted immovably in the rock. “Arthur, you try,” he said.

• In a list of things, to separate parts of the list.


The books came in candy colors: red, orange, yellow, and blue.

• If you’re stacking multiple adjectives before a noun and they could go in either order, add a comma.

It is a fast, strong Pokémon. It is a strong, fast Pokémon. It is a fast Water-type Pokémon. (no comma because you wouldn’t say ‘it is a Water-type fast Pokémon)

• If you have a part of a sentence that describes or explains something, but the sentence would still be a complete sentence with that part taken out, then separate that part with commas.

Kristen is secretly a superhero. Kristen, Jeff’s older sister, is secretly a superhero.

• If you have two parts of a sentence that are separated by a conjunction (and both parts would each work as a standalone sentence), use a comma before the conjunction to make this clear.

Pamala played her flute, but she was unaware of the tiger sneaking up behind her. Pamala played her flute. She was unaware of the tiger sneaking up behind her. (See how you can have both parts work as a standalone sentence? ‘But’ is the conjunction.)

• If you have a sentence with two parts— where the first part introduces the second part, but that first part wouldn’t stand on its own as a sentence— put a comma after the first part.

Running to the sconce, Tim didn’t notice that he’d dropped the Orb of Power. (You can’t make ‘Running to the sconce’ into its own sentence here.)

This also applies to even shorter first parts, like “Yes”, “No”, or adverbs.

Unsurprisingly, the ninjas had gotten to the office ahead of me. (No, I didn’t freak out!)

• And, well— if a sentence would be confusing if you don’t add a comma, then you should add one. When you run into one of these situations, it’ll usually fit one of the previous items on this list.

James found his passions: cooking his family and his dog. (Yikes! Maybe adding some commas will clear things up.) James found his passions: cooking, his family, and his dog.

• One more thing: If you’re trying to join two individual sentences into a single sentence, you can’t just stick a comma between them and call it a day. This gives you something called a ‘comma splice’, and it’s the best way to make a beta reader wince.

Will came home, he fed his pet Triceratops. (This is how not to do it.)

Instead, you can join the two sentences with a conjunction...

Will came home, and fed his pet Triceratops.

Or, you can stick in a preposition (the space-time kind, not the relationship kind) to explain how the two sentences relate to each other.

After Will came home, he fed his pet Triceratops. Will came home, then he fed his pet Triceratops.

Apostrophe ( ‘ ) An apostrophe is mostly using for marking ownership. By adding “ ‘s “ to the owner of a thing, you indicate it is the owner’s thing - that is, the thing belongs to the owner.

The woodsman shrugged. “It’s the Sheriff of Nottingham’s land. If Robin Hood comes through here, he’ll be shot full of arrows,” he said.

If the thing in question has more than one owner, and the word for the owners ends in ‘s’, then just add the apostrophe. Don’t add another ‘s’.

The mice’s cheese never tastes half as good as the rats’ cheese.

Apostrophes are also used in contractions, turning "do not" into “don’t”, “cannot” into “can’t”, “she would” into “she’d”, “you will” into “you’ll”, and so on.

Quotes ( “” ) Quote marks serve several purposes, but the one you’ll see most often is marking lines of dialogue - things people say - when they appear in a story.

“I can’t be late!” Kurt said. “My mythic destiny is to be on this game show!”

Quote marks simply show where a line of dialogue begins and ends. If you don’t include this, your readers will think they’re reading actions when they’re really reading dialogue, and confusion will result.

If a character says something that’d end with a period, and the sentence continues after their line of dialogue, swap out that period for a comma instead:

“The die is cast,” Caesar said, as he clambered out of the river.

If you want to show what a character’s thinking, instead, you shouldn’t use quote marks - instead, put their thoughts in italics to show it’s something they’re thinking (and, if there’s more to the sentence, add a comma after the 'thought’ part).

This isn’t gonna work, thought Estelle. The other team knows too much already!

You can also use quote marks to call out a particular word or phrase that you’re quoting exactly...

“To The End Of All Days” was written on the paper.

...but if someone’s quoting something inside a line of dialogue (or anywhere already inside double quotes), you switch to single quote marks for the inner quote.

“The password is ‘swordfish’,” Mei said. “Every password is ‘swordfish’!” Linh replied. “Why can’t this one be ‘bugmuffins’ or something? It’d be harder to guess.”

Parentheses ( ( ) ) Parentheses mark a part of a sentence that’s a little bit separate from the rest of it.

Two members of the Pepper family were superheroes (not counting the dog).

The rule for putting part of a sentence in parentheses is simple: Only put something in parentheses if you could take it out and still have a full sentence. You can use the part in parentheses to explain in more detail, make a side note, or add color commentary. However, if you want to end the sentence in parentheses with a period, put the period outside the parentheses.

You can also put a full sentence in parentheses. If this happens, treat it like it’s a normal sentence that just happens to have parentheses around it.

I could see it in the book: he was destined to become the next Supreme Overlord. (I didn’t tell him.)

Dashes ( — ) You can use dashes to ‘pull out’ part of a sentence in the same way parentheses do. However, dashes draw the reader’s attention more:

Joyce ran— tossed the baton to her partner— then sank down panting as the relay race continued.

You can also use dashes to break up the flow of a sentence, effectively adding a dramatic pause.

Danny laid his hand on the "Cancel Selfdestruct“ switch— but it was too late. The ship exploded, and he was launched into the water.

Finally, you can use a dash to end a line of dialogue if the person speaking is interrupted or stops speaking suddenly.

“Hey!” Alf yelled at the retreating gnomes. “You can’t just—” They were gone.

Semicolon ( ; ) A semicolon is an advanced way to join two sentences together; it goes where you would normally put a period, but the result counts as a single sentence.

The spearmen checked the slides on their trombones; the archers stood ready with their flutes and whistles; the infantry got into position with their violins and cellos; the demolitions squad wheeled out their drums and cymbals. “All right,” Janis said, from her commander’s seat at the piano. “The orchestra’s ready for the Battle of the Bands.”

Colon ( : ) A colon is kind of like a dash in that it breaks up sentences, but it’s a bigger break than a dash, and can only be used in specific circumstances. First, you can use a colon when the second part of the sentence is something that happens because of the first part:

Link pressed the button: a candy popped out of the machine, then the light under the button went out.

Second, you can use a colon when the second part of the sentence goes into more detail about the first part.

The requirements for the job were listed below: two years of experience and one of volunteer work.

Finally, you can use a colon before the start of a list or quote.

I have five figurines: two of Kirby, one of a Vocaloid, one of a bear, and one of a kumquat.

Popples read from the paper: “If you are reading this, come to Dungeons-R-Us!”

You should try to use only one colon in any sentence, to avoid confusion.

Capitalization

You should make the first letter of a word a capital letter:

• At the beginning of a sentence.

The beginning of a story is often simple.

• When the word is part of someone’s name. Prepositions, and their foreign-language equivalents, (’de’, ‘del’, ‘of’) don’t count.

The book belonged to Jane Smith. Before that, Gilbert de Quincy had owned it.

• The same goes for the name of an organization, country, or street. Prepositions and conjunctions (’of’, ‘for’, ‘with’, ‘and’) don’t count.

The sign above the Royal Library glinted in the sun. A smaller sign added, ‘382 Store Street, Republic of Tonilvania.’

• You capitalize job titles that are unique, or nearly so.

“He went from a clerk to Grand Poobah,” Sara said. “No, don’t give me that look!” she added. “His title’s really Grand Poobah.”

• You also capitalize each word in the title of a creative work, like a book, movie, or musical album. Yet again, prepositions and conjunctions don’t count.

“Dude!” Len said. “The new movie, Bears with Guns, is bonkers!”

• If the word is ‘I’. ‘I’ is always capitalized for the same reason people’s names are.

The driver accelerated, but I still wasn’t sure we’d get there on time.

You should put an entire word in capital letters:

• If someone is shouting.

“I DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE THE KING OF EL DORADO!” Han yelled.

• Optionally, to show that a sign uses block letters. Picking out a sign this way is less ‘friendly’ than just pulling its text out with quotes.

An old, twisted plaque was embedded in the ground by the doors, saying, FABRICATION.

Dialogue

Putting lines of dialogue in something you write is easy: Just enclose the line in quote marks (see above). However, there are a few things you need to keep in mind.

Who’s Talking?

You need to indicate who’s talking, regularly, or the reader will get very confused very fast. The simplest way to do this is to use ‘said’ as part of the same sentence, either in front of the line of dialogue, or after it.

Phoenix said, “I’m my own lawyer, Your Honor.” “That’s unlikely,” said Manfred von Karma.

(Note that the period in the second sentence’s line of dialogue was replaced by a comma, because the sentence continues even though the line of dialogue ends.)

Some sources will tell you to avoid the use of ‘said’ as much as possible, and to try to find other words to use. Ignore them. ‘Said’ is invisible to the reader; these other words aren’t. You can use words other than ‘said’— ‘asked’, ‘yelled’, ‘whispered’, or ‘exclaimed’ are good candidates now and again, but try to use ‘said’ most of the time.

“Said,” He Said

Note that you don’t have to use “So-and-so said” or “said So-and-so” with every sentence. Instead, you can imply it by mentioning the person acting, then use “said” with a preposition.

Jane raised an eyebrow. “This is a mad scientist’s work?” she said.

If you’re feeling really daring, you can even leave the preposition out and just have the line of dialogue stand on its own. This is usually best when you’ve just said who’s talking, and that person is saying more on the same line of text. Be sure you’re not confusing your reader if you decide to do this!

“It’s a tricky question,” said the mantis-girl. “If I were to fall in love, and then I wanted to also eat them, should I?”

Splitting Dialogue

You can split a line of dialogue into two, as well! Just stick a comma at the end of the first half of the line, add more text of a sentence, then put another comma before the dialogue starts again.

“It’s a tricky problem,” May said, fiddling with her glasses, “but I think my professor can find a solution.”

Punctuation Required

Be aware: you should always end a line of dialogue with some punctuation mark, no matter what. You can use a period (if the line of dialogue and a sentence end at the same spot), a comma (if not), or an exclamation mark or question mark (in either case). You can even use a dash, if the speaker is interrupted.

“This is how not to do it” Paul said. Ringo nodded. “Yeah, it sounds bad”

Paragraphs

If your work looks like a giant wall of text, readers will get nervous or lose their places. The solution to this is to break action up using paragraphs. Note that the following guidelines will often lead to a lot of short paragraphs. I tend to use line breaks (Shift-Return in the Tumblr editor and many others, just starting a new line instead of putting space before it) to consolidate some types of paragraph breaks - they’ll be listed below.

In these examples, the start of a new paragraph will be shown by the symbol [¶].

Placing paragraphs is more of an art than a science, but in generally, you want to make a new paragraph, when:

• The time the story is taking place changes.

”It’ll be a fine exhibition,” said the head keeper, watching the animals file in.” [¶] Later that day, I stopped by the lion’s cage for a chat with the big cat.

• The location the story is taking place changes.

...Mel slowly dragged his friend out of the restroom, swearing never to visit this restaurant ever again.

[¶] Mel’s friend’s house was small on the outside, but bigger once you were through the door.

• When the person speaking, thinking, or acting changes. You can replace these with line breaks if you have a lot of dialogue, and in fact I recommend doing so, but if you do, be sure to break the action up with an actual paragraph break after a while!

“Is that a clue?” Watson asked Holmes, pointing out the shard of glass stuck in the wallpaper.

[¶] Holmes shrugged. “It could be,” he said. “I must investigate more.”

The line-break version:

“Is that a clue?” Watson asked Holmes, pointing out the shard of glass stuck in the wallpaper. Holmes shrugged. “It could be,” he said. “I must investigate more.”

Note that here, the line break is more to ensure that the two characters’ lines of dialogue, and puts Watson’s and Holmes’ actions on the same line. It’s OK. Of the paragraphing rules, this one was made to be broken.

• For dramatic effect. If you overuse this, the effect won’t be as powerful!

The music stopped. The candles went out. And, the cultists lined up on each side of the walkway, bowing to Sherry as she approached the dark portal. 

[¶] It was time.

Commonly Confused Words

These are all the ones your spell-checker won’t catch. (Suggestions for more word pairs to add are very welcome.)

Its vs. it’s “It’s” is short for ‘it is’. “Its” says what something belongs to: “its new tires”.

My pet hamster loves its new running wheel. It’s looking a bit thinner lately.

Your vs. you’re "You’re” is short for "you are". Like “its”, “your” says who owns something: "my dog, your cat, Steven’s lion".

You’re not going to ask me to clean out your car again, are you?

Their, they’re, and there “They’re” is like "you’re". It’s short for ‘they are’. In the same way, ‘their’ says who owns a thing: "their new carpet". 'There' refers to a place, or you can say "there’s" (there is) something, too.

The ninja squad? They’re going to change into their uniforms when they arrive. I know there’s a changing room there.

Could have (or should have, would have, etc.) vs. could of It turns out, ‘have’ is a verb. It’s kind of a weird verb, because it’s used before other verbs to change the tense of the verb after it. (Look up ‘perfect aspect’ in Wikipedia if you’re curious.) Anyway. Saying ‘could have’, ‘would have’, ‘should have’, etc. is always followed by a verb - that’s because it’s this usage of ‘have’. If you say ‘could of’, the ‘of’ doesn’t mean anything and it sounds weird (unless you’re having a character say ‘could of’ on purpose to show that they haven’t read this guide.)

TLDR: Use ‘could have’.

I could have used ‘have’ by now.

By the way: ‘have’ can also be used as a verb the normal way, like, “I have a pillow”. Put it together with ‘had’, and you get...

I should have had a sandwich.

Affect vs. effect This is a tricky one. The giveaway is that ‘affect’ (to change something) is a verb, while ‘effect’ (the results when something is changed) is a noun.

Sahibdeep looked at the heap of blocks that had been the Jenga tower. The effect of his move was clear to see. “I didn’t think pulling that block would affect it...” he said.

A lot vs. allot vs. alot “A lot” of something is a great many. To allot is to assign resources to people. ‘Alot’ is a typo.

We have a lot of ninja maids on our staff. How will I allot them all to guests?

Are vs. our ‘Are’ is the plural of ‘is’. (That’s how things are.) Meanwhile, ‘our’ shows ownership by more than one person.

The dragons are the owners of the dragons’ hoard, but our sheep are our property, and they’ll have to buy ‘em if they want any.

Bare vs. bear A bear is an animal that likes honey and salmon, and comes in black, grizzly, polar, panda, and Pooh varieties. Meanwhile, something that is bare is not covered by anything.

Every day, King Kong bares his chest and yells at the wild bears who live on on the nearby mountain.

(’To bear’ can also mean ‘to carry something’, by the way.)

Ball vs. bawl A ball is a round thing you can play basketball or tennis with. To bawl is to cry.

Tim bawled as the babysitter ran over. “I lost my ball in the river!” he said.

Breathe vs. breath This is one of those ones where the verb and its associated noun sound very similar. To breathe (with an E) is to inhale or exhale. Breath (without an E) refers to the air that flows when you breathe.

The T.Rex’s hot breath blew onto Gary’s shoulders as he ran. Finally, he dived into the shelter and slammed the door, grateful for the chance to breathe freely again.

Bullion vs. bouillon Bullion are bars of gold, silver, or other precious metals. Bouillon is a soup stock, and is usually sold dried, in a cube or as a powder.

“Ha!” said the mad scientist, calibrating the machine. “This device will turn all the bullion in the First Century Bank... INTO BOUILLON!” “Into soup, ma’am?” asked Igor. “Why would you do that?!” The mad scientist shrugged. “I was hungry,” she said.

Caliber vs. calibre vs. Calibur Caliber and calibre are the NA and UK spellings for the same word - which refers to either something’s quality, or the size of a gun barrel. ‘Calibur’ is either a misspelling or part of the name of a certain legendary weapon.

The .35 caliber pistol was a weapon of the highest caliber, but even it can’t beat the Soul Calibur.

Complementary vs. Complimentary This one’s annoying just because the two look so close to one another - and also it’s easy to get wrong. (Seriously - I’ve seen other guides get this wrong. Anyways...) Something that’s complimentary (with an I and an E) is either free, or it compliments you. Something that’s complementary (with two E’s) is a thing that complements something else: that is, together with the other thing, the best qualities of both are brought forth.

The sign said ‘Complimentary Praise’. When I asked about it, the clerk was very complimentary.

Peanut butter is complementary to chocolate, though my friend says it goes best with pickles!

(For your own sake, please do not actually try peanut butter and pickles together.)

Defiant vs. definite To be definite is to be sure about something. To be defiant is to either resist, or disobey.

“I’ve definitely got it,” Katy said to Ness. “We’ve got to be defiant, like the heroes in a dystopian novel.”

Defuse vs. diffuse To defuse something is to disarm it (often explosives or other tense situations are involved). To diffuse something is usually applied to gas, smoke, and so on, and means to spread it out over a large area, and possibly weaken its effect.

I couldn’t defuse the stink bomb, but the resulting cloud of stink diffused quickly as the wind blew it away.

Discrete vs. discreet A discrete thing has clearly defined boundaries separating it from other things. Meanwhile, to be discreet is to keep something on the down low.

While Manny separated the sheet of stickers into discrete name badges, I discreetly made off with the keys to the supply closet.

Do vs. due To do something is... to do it. However, if something is ‘due’, it needs to be handed over - be it an assignment to be handed in, a fee to be paid, and so on.

Liz faced Crowley. “This is a library copy of the Necronomicon. It’s due tomorrow. If you won’t return it, I’ll do it instead!”

Faze vs. phase To faze someone is to frazzle them - to get them on edge. To phase (the verb) is either to do something in stages (to ‘phase out’ means to gradually get rid of), or to use superpowers to move through a solid object.

A phase (the noun) is a stage or state of something.

“All right,” said the supervillain, Superpower-Granting Jim, “Phase 1 of my plan is for you to get the ability to phase through walls. I’ll have your powers phase in gradually. Don’t let them faze you.”

Lead vs. led Lead and led are the same verb with two different tenses: ‘lead’ is present tense, ‘led’ is past tense.

Crabshaw led the Pirate Nation badly. It’s my turn to lead, yarrr!

’Lead’ can also refer to a clue - ‘a lead’ - or a certain heavy gray metal.

Loose vs. lose

Something that is loose is not tight. Meanwhile, you lose if someone beats you in a game (or you misplace something important - then you lose the item).

Alexa didn’t notice the controller cable had come loose from the video console until ‘Game Over - You Lose’ flashed on the screen.

Might as well vs. mind as well ‘Might as well’ is a phrase similar to ‘should probably’. ’Mind as well’ isn’t a real phrase, and doesn’t mean anything.

I might as well fix where I wrote ‘mind as well’ in my fanfic.

One and the same vs. one in the same ‘One and the same’ means that two things are really the same one. ‘One in the same’ doesn’t mean anything. Change the ‘in’ to an ‘and’.

Rachel sighed, taking off the mask. “It’s true,” she said. “Rachel the Shy and Pretty Princess Marshmallow Fluff are one and the same.”

Peak vs. peek vs. pique This one can be easily confused, and ‘pique’ has two meanings, which makes it worse. A peak is the top of a mountain (or the top of anything). To peek is to sneak a look at something. Pique, when used as a noun, means annoyance (it’s typically found in the phrase ‘a fit of pique’). When used as a verb, to pique a person’s interest is to get someone curious.

With Rand’s telescope, I was able sneak a peek at the nearby mountain peak. The ruined monastery on top piqued my curiosity.

Per se vs. per say Per se is a Latin phrase, meaning “by itself” when translated (and used the same way). Because it’s Latin, you should always put it in italics. ‘Per say’ is a misspelling, though it can be used to represent someone saying ‘per se’ who has a really broad accent.

Mark isn’t a bad candidate per se, but I want an animal trainer who’s also good with eldritch beasts.

Psych vs. sike You say ‘psych’ to someone to tell them you’re teasing them. It can also be short for ‘psychiatric’ or ‘psychology’. ‘Sike’ isn’t a word.

“Psyyyyych!” Lily said, grinning. I rolled my eyes. Who’d believe the 1904 Olympics had wild dogs in it, anyway?

Rang vs. rung ‘Rang’ is the word for when something was ringing in the past. You find a rung on a ladder.

I climbed up the rungs of the ladder and rang the bell. The firefighters cheered.

Regimen vs. regiment A regimen is a training program (for example, a set of weightlifting exercises). A regiment is a whole bunch of soldiers.

The regiment was starting on their training regimen when the Fire Nation attacked.

Reign vs. rein A king or queen reigns; that’s the technical term for being a monarch. A rein is how you control a horse (or, metaphorically, you can ‘rein someone in’ to cool someone’s enthusiasm).

The reigning queen reined in her horse, looking up at the clockwork battleship under construction.

Shudder vs. shutter To shudder is to tremble. A shutter goes over a window, or inside a camera lens.

The monster closed the shutters of the rickety old house. What if there were humans out there? It shuddered to think of it.

Then vs. than ‘Then’ is a word that says what happens next. ‘Than’ is used in comparisons - more than, less than, older than, and so on.

Now, I’m shorter than this garden gnome. But someday— then, I’ll be the same height!

Wander vs. wonder To wander is to travel around aimlessly. To wonder is to think aimlessly (or with awe).

I wonder what my life would be like if I took up the way of the wandering musician.

Wanton vs. wonton ‘Wanton’ can refer to something that’s particularly senseless (ex. ‘wanton vandalism’) or oversexed. A wonton is a small dumpling you eat in a soup.

Whenever Jackie Chan goes to a restaurant and gets wontons, you never know if the place will break out in a wantonly destructive martial-arts fight.

Wary vs. weary To be wary is to be on edge, or nervous. To be weary is to be tired.

The sign said: “Weary Wanderers must be Wary of Werewolves in the Woods - or you could stay at the Wild Wabbit Waystation!”

e.g. vs. i.e. Both “e.g.” and “i.e.” are abbreviations of Latin phrases. “e.g.” is short for exempli gratia, which means (roughly) ‘for example’. On the other hand, “i.e.” is short for id est, which means (literally) ‘that is’. You use e.g. wherever you’d use ‘for example’, and you use ‘i.e.’ wherever you’d use ‘that is’. It’s that simple.

Water-Type Pokémon, e.g. Lapras, usually need water to swim in.

Jessie was abducted by a Legendary Pokémon, i.e. not a Gyarados!

Closing

That’s everything! Thanks for reading this far. I’ll try to keep this guide updated - if you have a suggestion for an addition or update, just message me or send me an ask.

Thank you!

[ncmagroup]

Written by Aja Frost

You may have heard, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” That might be true in some aspects of life — but over email, sweating the small stuff is exactly what you should be doing.

Business email etiquette

Email etiquette rules dictate what’s appropriate and what’s not when you’re sending a message to a prospect, business partner, coworker, manager, or acquaintance. They help you avoid miscommunications and mistakes.

Why do we need email etiquette?

Research shows making errors seriously impacts how people see you. In one study, participants who read an email with grammatical errors thought the writer was less conscientious, intelligent, and trustworthy than those who read the same email without errors.

In a separate experiment, people who applied for funding were less likely to be funded and received less favorable terms when their loan requests had spelling mistakes.

This shouldn’t be too surprising. If you read an email riddled with typos, you probably think one of two things:

The sender doesn’t know basic spelling and grammar

The sender didn’t care enough about this message to review it before sending

Neither bodes well for your relationship. So to avoid prospects coming to these conclusions about you, here are the 56 email etiquette tips every professional (especially client-facing ones) should know and follow.

Email punctuation

Punctuation is subtle when you use it correctly and obvious when you don’t. Don’t make your recipients cringe — memorize these rules and follow them religiously.

1) Terminal punctuation

Every line should end with a terminal punctuation mark, i.e. a period, question mark, or exclamation mark. If you skip terminal punctuation, it’ll look like you never completed your thought.

Here’s an example:

Wrong:

I talked to Finance, and they approved the agreement

Right:

I talked to Finance, and they approved the agreement.

Use question and exclamation marks sparingly. If you use too many question marks in one email, you’ll sound like you’re interrogating the recipient.

“What’s your status? Have you talked to your team yet? Are you free for a call tomorrow at noon so we can discuss any potential changes?”

And if you go overboard with exclamation marks, you’ll come across as hyper and overexcited.

“Thanks again for a productive conversation yesterday! Good news, I talked to Finance and we’re good to go! Can’t wait to work together!”

2) Semicolons (;)

A semicolon can also connect two unique, but related sentences. It cannot act as a comma.

Wrong:

She can call me tomorrow, she can give me an answer then.

Right:

She can call me tomorrow; she can give me an answer then.

3) Comma (,)

One of the most common bloopers is adding commas where they don’t belong. While I could devote an entire post to proper comma usage (English major talking), here are the most important rules:

Use before a coordinating conjunction (and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet) that’s connecting two independent clauses.

“I worked with a similar client last year, and their open rates went up 20% in one month.”

Use after a dependent clause at the beginning of a sentence.

“After improving their subject lines, open rates improved dramatically.”

Use to separate items in a list.

“I focused on email length, readability, and content.”

4) Salutation punctuation

There are a few different ways to punctuate your salutation (the first line of your email where you address the recipient by name).

If it’s a formal email, use a colon.

Dear Ms. Frost:

If it’s a relatively casual email, use a comma.

Dear Aja,

And if you’re on close terms with someone, you can use a dash.

Hi Aja —

Email grammar

Unless you devote your full attention to studying grammar (which is much less lucrative than sales), you’re bound to make the occasional mistake. But no one will care if they’ve never heard of that esoteric rule, either. Just steer clear of basic mix-ups that your prospect will definitely catch, and you’ll be golden.

Know the difference between:

There/they’re/their

Its/it’s

Effect/affect

Your/you’re

Too/two/to

Loose/lose

I/me/myself

Pro tip: Do you ever wish you could have an editor reading over your shoulder? You can — kind of. Grammarly is a free tool that scans everything you write for grammar and spelling mistakes. Not only will it catch issues in real time, it’ll also send you a weekly report highlighting common trends.

Emojis in email

I understand the urge to add a smiley face to a potentially harsh sentence or cap off a joke with a laughing emoji.

However, unless your recipient has already used one, resist temptation. Research reveals including emojis in work emails is bad for your reputation: They make you look less competent (and they don’t have any effect on how friendly you seem).

Email subject lines

Your subject line should be descriptive and relatively short. Ideally, it should give the recipient a good idea whether they want to open your message.

Bad subject line:

“Hi”

What are you emailing them about? It’s completely unclear.

Good subject line:

“Summary of 12/2 call”

This line leaves no doubt about the contents of the email.

Email salutations

Above, we covered which punctuation to use in the salutation. You also need to pick a greeting — which can be formal or informal, depending on whom you’re emailing and what your relationship is like.

Most of the time, a casual salutation is appropriate. You’ll set a friendly, easygoing tone and communicate confidence.

Casual email greetings include:

Hi

Hey

Hey/hi there

Good [morning, afternoon]

[Name]

If you’re reaching out to someone for the first time — or they work in a conservative industry — skew more formal.

Formal email greetings include:

Dear [first name]

Dear Mr./Ms. [last name]

And which ones should you never use (not even as a joke)?

Yo: Too informal

Hey!: Too intimate and eager

[Name]!: Too off-putting

To whom it may concern: Too impersonal

Dear sir or madam: Too stiff

Hi friend: Too creepy

Gentlemen: Too old-fashioned

All: Too cold

Email sign-offs

The right sign-off will complement the tone and content of your email. Since it’s the last thing your recipient reads, this line influences their lasting impression.

If your tone is lighthearted, end with a warm sign-off.

Informal sign-offs:

Thanks

Thanks again

Best

Cheers

Happy [day of the week]

Enjoy the weekend

Talk soon

Talk to you [tomorrow, on Wednesday, when you get back]

Looking forward to working together

Looking forward to our next conversation

Excited to hear your thoughts

If your tone is more reserved, your sign-off should be as well.

Formal sign-offs:

Thank you

Thank you for your time

Have a wonderful [day, weekend]

And here are the closing lines you shouldn’t be using:

Sincerely: Too outdated

Regards: Too unfriendly

Kind regards: Too unnatural

Warmly: Too relaxed

Respectfully: Too random

Xoxo: Too intimate

Cordially: Too stilted

– [Your name]: Too abrupt

Recipient names

Triple-check you’ve spelled your recipient’s name correctly. It takes two seconds: Just pull up their LinkedIn profile and compare their headline to the name you’ve used. (If you have HubSpot Sales, this step is even quicker. Their social profiles will show up in your inbox.)

And don’t shorten their name unless they’ve signed their email accordingly. You might assume “Michael” becomes “Mike,” but he could prefer going by the latter. Check his signature. If it reads “Mike,” you can use the nickname; if it’s “Michael,” that’s what you should address him by.

Sentence case

When you’re texting or on Slack, you probably don’t capitalize much — if anything. But when you’re writing a professional email, use sentence case. In other words, capitalize the first letter of the first word in a sentence and proper nouns.

Example:

Dogs are welcome at HubSpot.

Email tone

It’s incredibly hard to get the right tone across over email. Research shows people dramatically overestimate how often their recipients would correctly identify if their tone was sarcastic or serious.

While they believed recipients would get it right 80% of the time, the reality was closer to 56%.

Does that mean half of your emails will be misinterpreted? No. But it does mean you should think carefully about the words you’re using and how someone else would read them.

First, avoid negative phrases. They can make you seem more anxious, irritated, or worried than you truly are.

Examples: Mistakes, issues, failure, delay, problem, crisis, trouble, unfortunate, consequence

Second, don’t be sarcastic. There’s a good chance your recipient won’t get the joke — and you’ll seem like a jerk.

Example:“I’d ask my team to review it tomorrow, but as you probably know, no one actually gets work done on Friday.”

Third, cut out adjectives. They can make you sound overly emotional — you’re shooting for calm and professional.

Examples: Very, really, extremely, highly, grave, serious, deeply

Fourth, copy your recipient. Following their lead ensures you won’t accidentally offend them. If they write short, straightforward messages, make yours concise too. If they usually include a rapport-building line (like “I saw you were in Bermuda; hope you had a great time”), do the same.

Fifth, when in doubt, pick up the phone. Whenever you’re having a potentially fraught conversation, it’s always a good idea to call, Skype, or meet face-to-face with the person.

Fonts and formatting

Want to make your recipient’s eyes hurt? Use wacky fonts, fun colors, and offbeat formatting.

Yes, your email might be more memorable, but you’ll look like you’re completely out-of-touch with communication norms.

Always use the standard font. Never use a color besides black. Stick to the standard font size. Don’t bold or italicize more than one word (or string of words) in a single email.

And if you’re copying and pasting text, make sure you highlight it and clear the formatting. (Command + \ on a Mac, Cntrl + Shift + N on a PC.) If you don’t, the snippet will appear differently than the rest of your email.

Hyperlinks

Pasting entire URLs into your email takes up valuable space and looks messy. Instead, create hyperlinks or insert a shortened URL.

Wrong:

Check this out: http://getsidekick.com/blog/vacation-emails-inbox-zero

Check out this article.

Right:

Check this out: http://bitly.com/1Gn6pN0

Attachments

Indicate somewhere in your email you’ve included an attachment so your recipient doesn’t overlook it.

A simple “I’ve attached a [document, spreadsheet] for X” will do the trick.

And make sure you’re reattaching files when you add someone to an email chain, or they won’t be able to see them. (An alternative? Simply forward them the thread.)

Email signatures

A bad email signature can really do a number on your relationships. Even if you write the most eloquent, persuasive message in the world, a poorly designed signature will make you seem like an amateur.

Keeping in mind less is definitely more, yours should be relatively small, simple, and restrained. Now isn’t the time to include your favorite inspirational quote, headshot, or every possible way to reach you. Stick to your name, job title, LinkedIn URL and/or company website, and phone number.

Email fields

To: This field is simple. Add the email address of the person you’re trying to contact.

CC: If you’d like to include someone else on the message CC them. You’re essentially saying, “Hey, read this, but don’t feel obligated to respond.”

CCing someone is necessary when there’s relevant information in the email or you’re connecting them with the actual recipient.

BCC: BCCing also copies your contact to the email, but no one besides them will see they received it. In other words, if you send an email to Michael Scott and BCC Jim Halpert, Michael won’t know Jim got it as well.

Why use BCC?

To hide email addresses. BCC can be used to protect someone’s email from being exposed to others. For example, if you’re emailing a group of people about an upcoming event, you may opt to BCC all emails so you’re not exposing emails without permission.

General FYI: BCC can let someone see a message without actually including them on all the threads to follow.

Common Courtesy: BCC allows you to politely remove people from inbox threads. For example, if your boss is introducing you to someone, it’s common courtesy to BCC your boss in the response (usually by saying, “Moving [name] to BCC to save their inbox.”) This shows you answered without flooding their inbox with the following back and forth.

Reply vs. Reply All

Reply: When you click reply, you respond directly to the last person who emailed you last. If you respond directly to the initial message, your reply will go to the original sender of the email. But if you respond to someone else’s email in the thread that follows, you will end up replying just to that person.

Reply All: When you select Reply All, you email back everyone who is either in the “To” or “CC” fields. The benefit of Reply All is letting those in the thread know a certain issue has been addressed. It’s also helpful when you have information everyone cares about.

When in doubt, default to “Reply.” You don’t want to be the annoying person everyone is secretly rolling their eyes at.

Email Forwarding

There are a few key pointers to keep in mind for proper email forwarding etiquette:

Some emails are not intended to be forwarded. If a contact is sending you private or sensitive information, use high caution before forwarding it along.

When forwarding a long email thread, a common courtesy is to summarize what’s being discussed below so the recipient knows exactly what you want from them. There’s nothing worse than getting forwarded a 50-chain thread with a note that just says, “see below.”

If you’d like your forwarded email to start a new email chain (rather than being a part of your current thread) simply include your own commentary in the subject line.

Same Thread Subject Line: FW: notes from Tuesday

New Thread Subject Line: Check this out! FW: notes from Tuesday

Email Response Time

We all have overwhelming inboxes and busy schedules, so it’s not always possible to respond to emails right away. The appropriate response window depends on the person:

Immediate Teammates:

Respond within 12 hours. Your team relies on you to work quickly and efficiently; plus, most emails are about timely matters.

General Colleagues:

For everyone else you work with, respond with 24 hours. Can’t address their request in that time period? Respond letting them know you’ve read their email and will follow up by X time.

External Contacts:

Unless marked as an urgent email or one that needs an ASAP response, responding to external contacts by the end of the week in which it was sent is perfectly appropriate — so if you received the email Tuesday, respond by Friday of that week. For high-value contacts, it may be worth responding within a 24-hour time frame.

Out-of-Office Replies

If you’re going to be unavailable for an extended period of time, an automated “OOO” reply — or out of office reply — can let whoever is contacting you know that you won’t be able to respond to their message until the date you’ll be in the office again.

Some do’s and don’ts for OOO replies:

DO: Include how long you’ll be unavailable.

DON’T: Create an OOO response for one day.

DO: Include another person to contact for more urgent matters.

DON’T: Include a colleague to contact without letting that colleague know they’re in your OOO reply.

DO: Include “OOO” in your subject line so people can easily identify the automated response.

DON’T: Include more detail than needed — such as the exact location of your vacation.

If you’re taking a vacation for an extended period of time, it may be helpful to have a way of earning your attention for truly urgent, require your attention, situations. Here’s an email HubSpotter Beth Dunn sent before her month-long sabbatical:

Emergency Hippo — on sabbatical during February

Hi all,

This is just a friendly reminder that I’ll be on sabbatical for the whole month of February. If you have any pressing microcopy needs while I’m gone, the designers on each of your teams stand ready and willing to serve in my stead.

If there’s something you still want me to review when I return, rested and refreshed on March 2, please email me the details and put the word “hippo” (or if it’s super urgent, “emergency hippo”) in the subject line and I’ll take a look at it just as soon as I get back. Yes, seriously.

And remind me to tell you the story of how I learned once and for all why you should always have an emergency hippo on hand at all times.

See you in March,

Beth

Beth makes it clear she won’t be responding to email, but since she’s out for an extended period of time, she shared a clever and easy way to grab her attention when needed.

Email tracking

Rather than sending passive-aggressive “Did you see my email?” messages, use an email tracking tool like HubSpot Sales. You’ll know the exact moment your recipient opened it — and if they don’t reply reasonably quickly, you can find a non-irritating reason to follow up, such as, “I read an article on X that reminded me of you; here’s the link if you want to check it out.”

Sent from your phone

Should you include “Sent from my iPhone” or “Sent via phone — please forgive any typos”? I wouldn’t. Many people take this as an excuse to be lazy and forgo a glance-over before you press “Send.”

  Go to our website:   www.ncmalliance.com

56 Email Etiquette Tips to Avoid Writing Sloppy Emails Written by Aja Frost