#happy birthday people born today but also todays of the past

[a-d-nox]

web of wyrd: the left most number, your mask / public energy

wyrd (pronounced weird) is a germanic word that is associated with fate - so this is is not just "wyrd" - it's also uncannily your fate or destiny. this seems to be the new thing, so i too want to step in because the numbers are associated to the major arcana of tarot and i do read tarot sooooo - if the shoe fits wear it!

we are going to go number by number together - we are going to learn together!

click here to calculate yours!

today i want to address the left most number.

this is my wyrd web. so it is based on my birthdate (27.10.2000 - october 27th, 2000).

the number we are focusing on today is based on the DAY you were born.

if you were born july 4th - it would be 4. if you were born april 22nd - it was be 22. but any date after the 22nd (i.e. 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, etc) needs to be summed together (my birthday for example: 27 -> 2 + 7 = 9 (the number in my left most bubble))!

but what does this number mean?

this number represents how others see you. not necessarily how you see you, but how the public perceives you. this is your face (or mask - aka persona) that you intentionally or unintentionally present to the world! there at evolved (higher vibrations of the major arcana card or the upright) and un-evolved (lower vibrations of the major arcana card or the reversal) numbers.

so let's talk about some examples:

9 - the hermit

rider waite smith illustrated the hermit (the card that symbolizes virgo) as a wise, old man dressed in gray. he holds his walking stick (possibly alluding to the suit of wands (the symbol of fire / fire signs, passion, creativity, ambition, and action)) to his head (if it is the suit of wands than this indicates an individual with a creative, passionate mind who has used their ambition to discover more about themselves). he holds a lit lantern towards the left side of the card (the past) and faces that direction as well (indicating that knows himself well as the lantern is shining a light on his past).

evolved 9s explore / learn from their inner realm and work through their past instead of dwelling in it. these people appear as wise and self-knowing. they set boundaries with those around them in a mindful manner. they know when to take a break and recharge in a social setting as most tend to be introverts. they do a lot of soul searching as to what they are and are not comfortable with and express these things to those around them - they do the inner work or "shadow work" necessary to living a full and happy life.

un-evolved 9s may not recognize the difference between alone and lonely or even solitude and alone. they often fear being alone (they may not wish to learn who they are as an individual) and don't know how to take a moment when they need it. they snap or become to critical of those around them in these circumstances - ironically they are critical of everyone around them but haven't taken the time to critically examine themselves. they may conversely isolate from those around them despite longing for support and connections with others. they may fear getting to know who they themselves are.

20 - judgement

rider waite smith illustrated judgement (the card associated with pluto) as an angel facing the viewer (this is a confrontational, present-oriented card) from a clouded sky blowing (air motif) a trumpet as people emerge from their caskets to face the angel (their backs face the viewer meaning to show vulnerability). these nude people (natural and comfortably exposed) are freeing themselves from a previously uncomfortable, cramped situation in order to see and hear the heralding angel. these people are reaching arms open wide ready to receive the angel - this is a card associated with a spiritual awakening.

evolved 20s no longer judge themselves too severely; they are comfortable with their bodies and accepting of their previous actions, choices, and experiences. they too are ready to leave the previous confines of their past (as the nude people do in the card imagery). they welcome new experiences and the future with excitement and glee. they are on a high frequency as they recognize their higher calling. they receive frequent communication and confirm from the universe / their spirit team. they let go of the past to embrace the future.

un-evolved 20s experience the same things over and over again. they struggle to get out of loops/patterns as they struggle to learn the important lessons that life wishes them to. they judge themselves harshly and are extremely critical of the work they do. they cling to what they know though they feel trapped/oppressed in their present circumstances. they don't notice the signs they are receiving from the world around them. they fear change and growth.

22 - the fool

there is no 0 card in the wyrd web as there is in tarot, so the fool takes on the 22nd number manifestation in the web even though it is the 1st card of the major arcana. rider waite smith illustrated the fool (the card associated with uranus) as a young man wearing a boldly patterned outfit. the young man parallels the hermit as the mountain range featured in the hermit card appears in the background of the fool card and the fool carries a stick (read the description of the walking stick in the "9 - the hermit" section above). on his stick is a small bundle likely filled with his essentials to life so he is prepared to start a journey... right off the edge of the cliff. also present in the card is the sun (enthusiasm and clarity) on the right (the future), a white rose (innocence and free) held off to the right along with his bundle, and a small white dog (the dog is prancing meaning to signal him of the cliff edge thus is a symbol of intuition) at his feet. the fool faces the left thus he has to first explore what is in his past (hermit energy), before leaping into his future, where all the fortunate elements lie (the bundle (worldly possessions), the flower (innocence and freedom), the dog (intuition), and the sun (positivity and clarity).

evolved 22s are always ready to explore the world around them - be it via their physical, spiritual, mental, and/or emotional realm. they trust they are on the right path and trust in the universe to not steer them wrong as they explore. they enjoy taking risks and taking big leaps - they do not fear "obstacles" or "setbacks". these are mere lessons to learn and experiences to gain. they are in tune with their guides and listen to those with messages as they consciously make their own path and explore it mindfully.

un-evolved 22s haphazardly take risks or are too afraid to take any - without risk they gain no reward, they feel stagnant in their journey. they fear change and hesitate when step even toeing the line out of their comfort zone. they make plans but never execute them. obstacles are treated as life inconveniences. they are often too afraid to experience life or explore the world around them - they often stick to what they know and remained tied to their past.

that's all for today! the next number we will be looking at is that top most number, your higher self.

like what you read? leave a tip and state what post it is for! please use my "suggest a post topic" button if you want to see a specific pac/pile next! if you'd like my input on how i read a specific card or what i like to ask my deck, feel free to use the ask button for that as well.

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© a-d-nox 2023 all rights reserved

[mangoshorthand]

I just saw your little post, I'm sorry I didn't clarify. Yes, I am a cis woman and I have more of a swimmer's body (I've been a swimmer for years so it's partially natural and partially conditioned) with wider hips and broad shoulders (typical swimmer long legs too). I hope this helps and sorry for such an inconvenience 😅

- birthday anon 🎂🎉

Original request, (paraphrased):

It's my birthday today and I was wondering if I could get a happy birthday from Five. I guess my prompt would be that throughout my life a lot of people forget my birthday (even my family) and often don't show up so if Five just remembered and decided to be soft and sensual and caring, that would make me the happiest person ever.

No problem Birthday Anon. Sorry this took a couple of days. Happy belated birthday! Also I made you a barista sooo...enjoy that I guess.

The Birthday Girl | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader 2.8k words, Rated E

Being born at the start of the year was always a harsh reminder of the fact that you weren’t the main character of all existence, something which it took most people much longer to realize. It was worse when you were a kid, with Christmas and birthday presents amalgamated into one by relatives already stressed out from gift-buying, but it still kind of stung now. Yeah, people had lives and it was a tricky time of year, but you surely didn’t need to be the main character of all existence to have people simply show up for your birthday. 

It was a nice place, you thought, glumly as you popped the olive from your martini into your mouth and chewed it thoughtfully. Not too crowded, the music loud enough to dance to without prohibiting conversation. The drinks were cheap and good quality. It would have been the perfect place for a birthday get together. 

You sighed and rested your elbows on the bar. You should have got the picture by now. You were a full grown adult, you knew how it went, and yet you still foolishly invited all your friends and even some family out. 

You’d never imagined that all of them would come, but you thought that at least a few would turn up. Over the past week, as you’d expected, they’d nearly all messaged their excuses and apologies and dropped out. For some, it was too close to going back to work after their christmas break, some were still away, while others were still recovering from New Year and unable to face the idea of partying again so soon.

You didn’t really blame those guys, (at least they had the decency to inform you that they weren’t coming), but you couldn’t help feeling angry at the no-shows who hadn’t even bothered to inform you, leading to you sitting alone in this bar, all dressed up for nothing.

“Hey.”

You turned your head, surprised to hear any voice addressing you. 

“Five,” you said, smiling nervously in greeting.

This was not what you’d planned. He was your favorite customer, yes, he said you made the best coffee in the city, but could you call him your friend? Did two years of late-night coffee twice a week count as a friendship?

He usually came in on one of your late shifts, looking immaculately dressed but gray with exhaustion. At first, he hadn’t talked, just drinking his coffee in silence and leaving with a murmur of thanks and a generous tip, but over time he’d been more receptive to your gentle offers of conversation, and gradually he’d shown up primarily to talk, sitting at the counter as you worked, sipping endless cups of coffee and keeping you company. 

What he hadn’t told you himself, you’d put together from snippets of conversation. You knew about the Umbrella Academy and the apocalypse, but it didn’t really factor into your picture of him. To you, he was just Five: the amusing mix of pessimism, wit, and an old man’s nostalgia for times past incongruous with the body in its twenties.  

Over the time you’d known him, he’d grown into your life easily. He had you looking forward to your late shifts and spending the time between them making mental notes of things to tell him next time you saw him. Your conversations with him were easy and intimate (you’d told him a few things you wouldn’t tell your diary on your deathbed), but the relationship was still this weird, context-bound thing. He was the customer, you were the server.  

He’d surprised you into inviting him to this little get-together a couple of days before new year. It was your first late shift after Christmas, and when he’d arrived and taken up his usual perch at the counter, one of his first remarks was:

“It’s your birthday coming up in a day or two, right?”

“Uh,” you faltered, “Um - yeah.”

He looked at you doubtfully. 

“You don’t sound very sure.”

“No, it is. I’m just surprised, is all. People always forget.”

Five shrugged.

“You told me last year. You swapped shifts to go out for dinner.”

“And you remembered that?”

“Yeah.”

It touched you, the way he spoke so casually, as if he couldn’t possibly do anything but remember this about you. So you invited him to come tonight, hoping he’d say yes but not read too much into it. For months, maybe longer, you’d been wondering, and his attitude then was the thing that pushed you to find out once and for all.

You had to know for sure whether this was something: whether you and he would be the same in a different environment, or whether this thing would just crumble to nothing outside of the diner’s soft-lighting. It would be a good test, you thought, and having other people there would act as a buffer in case of any awkwardness. 

In this, you had been thwarted, because now he stood beside you, looking more smart-casual than you’d ever seen him, frowning in a gray blazer over a dark tee.

“Well…happy birthday,” he said, dumping a giftbag on the bar with a clunk that signaled a bottle inside, “it’s rum. You said you liked mojitos.”

“Thanks,” you said, nodding, as he sat on the barstool beside you. 

He took a quick glance around, intelligent green eyes taking stock of the bar. 

“Is it just us?” he asked, raising a quizzical eyebrow in a way that made you chuckle.

“Yup,” you smiled, ruefully, “most people canceled, but there were three who just haven’t remembered to show up. I told them to meet me an hour ago, but no word.”

He frowned again, so you offered a little explanation:

“People forget when your birthday’s just after the holidays.” and then, with a smile at him, added, “Except you, of course.”

“Hm,” he said, with an air of contemplation, perhaps reflecting on why you’d told him to meet you later than everyone else. Seeming to dismiss it, however, he turned back to you:

“So you’re stuck with me?”

You looked back over at him, and a smirk developed on his face, one corner of his mouth turning up to complement his cocked eyebrow. 

And in that moment, you made a decision, one that was two years in the making. Why play these games? Why experiment with him? Worst case scenario, he finds another diner. 

“It’s stupid to be here with only two of us. Do you want to come back to mine? Maybe we crack open that rum and help me drown my birthday sorrows? I only live on the next street.”

***

The rum was never opened, because on the street outside your apartment, he stopped you with a hand on your arm.

He’d been silent ever since he agreed to come with you, and when you turned to face him outside your door, he fixed you with such a serious look that you took in a shallow breath.

“Sorry if I make this awkward, but I gotta know. Is this just a drink?”

You looked back at him, studying the earnest slope of his brow and his tense mouth; how the two freckles on his cheek disappeared into a small cleft in his cheek. It was a face that surrendered smiles reluctantly, but you could nearly always tease several out before the end of any shift. 

You shook your head wordlessly.

His adam's apple bobbed in his throat. His eyes, so often scowling, scathing or sardonic, fixed you now with a look of pure, open adoration. His thick lashes did nothing to shade you from the intensity of that look, from the opalescent green of his pupils that pulled at you with such fascination. 

When he spoke, his voice was very low.

“I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

You felt your cheeks heat up, unable to keep your eyes on his face, choosing to study the neckline of his tee, beneath which a hint of sturdy collarbone was visible.

He reached out and gently ghosted his fingers down your cheek. 

“How could anyone forget your birthday?” he murmured. 

Then, he leaned forward and kissed you.

The chill January breeze momentarily played about your neck. A shiver ran through you, but not from cold: from his gentle lips against yours; from the feel of his soft hair between your fingers; from his body close to yours. 

Sweet, chaste and cherishing, it might have seemed platonic, that kiss, but for the way his tongue slipped briefly into the fray, though pulling back quickly: showing you that he had more should you wish to take it.

And you did. You wanted it to the point that you chased his lips when he tried to pull away. He smiled at this and let you catch him, letting your lips part his and your tongue enter his mouth. 

Finally, he succeeded in breaking the embrace, though leaving his hands softly on your hips.

“Take me upstairs?” he asked, huskily.

***

His mouth beside your ear, he held you on his lap like a beautiful fragile thing. He ran his fingers reverently up and down your thighs, like a servant privileged to touch precious silverware with kid gloves. 

He kissed you again, soft and syrupy, as if he was eating fruit perfectly sweetened on the vine, trailing his lips down your shoulder, humming with satisfaction.

 “God,” he whispered, “I could kiss you all day.”

The tender hunger in his tone sent a tingle straight to your core. 

It was a shame to have your back to him. When he’d thrown off his shirt as if it was nothing, your eyes drank him in: the softly defined muscles that were outlined by his movements and the trail of sparse, dark hair disappearing below his waistband. All this time, under those sharply cut suits, there was this.

But you couldn’t focus on the regret too much, not with his strong forearms wrapped around your naked body, his smell of antiperspirant and aftershave, and not with the heat of his hard arousal against your ass and lower back. 

His fingers clearly stated their intent against your inner thigh, pausing an inch away from where you needed him most. 

“May I?” he asked, breath tickling your ear. 

You could hear a little hint of mischief in his voice; the ironic move of his eyebrows.

“Yes please,” you breathed.

“Anything for the birthday girl,” he whispered, nuzzling briefly at your neck.

And he stroked your outer lips with gentle fingers, his index trailing back up your slit, the tip skimming slickness that had already gathered there.

He made an appreciative sound at his discovery, and you moaned at the throb of pleasure from just this teasing movement, bucking against him and momentarily pressing his cock against you more firmly.

“You’re so pretty,” he rasped into your ear, fingers parting your outer lips to reach your excited nub and stroking it in smooth, luxuriant circles, “look at you. So perfect.”

You whimpered and tossed your head helplessly against his shoulder. Heat was already building in your sex, your toes curling against your sheets. The foundations for your orgasm were laid from his very first touch of your aching pussy, your body crying out for him from the moment he kissed you. Now, you were helpless to his fingers: as confident and efficient in rubbing your needy clit as in all his other movements. 

“You deserve to be treated special.” he whispered, “This good?”

“Five.” 

“Yes?”

“Five.”

You could hardly say more, brain scrambling like beaten eggs until no vocabulary remained but the name of the man whose fingers were making come slowly drool down your thighs.

“Want me to stop?” he whispered, tenderly.

You shook your head fiercely. 

“Fi-ive!” you whined again, becoming completely inarticulate now as his ankles hooked around yours, holding your legs open gently. He could sense you beginning to ride your edge, could surely sense the heat burning and coiling and tightening in your stomach until - 

You cried out when you came, feeling more come gush from you, soaking his fingers and your thighs alike. He spoke softly to you as the waves of pleasure broke on you one by one, each bringing a fierce buck of your hips backwards against his hard, hot cock, sandwiched between you.

“That’s it.” he encouraged, “There you go. Feel good, sweetie?” 

You could do nothing but whimper and let yourself be carried by the rapture, surges exploding down each limb again and again.

“God, you’re so beautiful.”

Your orgasm subsided, leaving you panting against him. 

Through your recovery, he whispered more tender affirmations and praise into your ear, kissing and nosing at the side of your neck as he tried to distract himself from the tingles going up and down his length and the precome still leaking from his tip as your movements against him teased his excited cock. 

After you’d caught your breath, you became aware of the needy way he was kissing you; of the barely-there grinding of his pelvis; of his dick rubbing against you.

“Can I -?” came the desperate, half-articulated whisper.

“Yes please,” you replied.

He laid you down as if you were fragile, like an injured dove held in cupped hands. His gentle movements offered a stark contrast to the state of his gorgeous, curved cock. The tip was an angry pink, his balls high and tight with arousal. Intrigued, you began to caress that heated, swollen part of him. He hissed as you weighed and massaged his balls in one hand, the other closing around his shaft, already slick with precome.

“Don’t judge my stamina based on this, okay?” he said, voice cracking as his neck arched along with your strokes, “How about you stop that and we can try for quality over quantity?” 

It was spoken with self-consciousness that seemed unnecessary to you, given that he’d just rubbed your clit to a thigh-trembling orgasm quicker and more effectively than anyone you’d ever been with. You let his cock go and kissed him on the mouth as he lowered himself towards you. 

When he entered you, his mouth was still on yours, and you felt his sigh or relief against your lips. 

He filled you perfectly, your plush walls immediately gripping him, surrendering him reluctantly as he withdrew. You could see the tight pinch between his eyebrows. His eyes were already screwed shut. 

“Oh.”

The whisper was small and strung out, and you kissed his cheek and lips to encourage him as he let out a few, trembling breaths. 

“That feel good?”

“Yeah,” you gasped, “it feels good, Five. 

His strokes were slow, but skillful, his hips rutting with gentle fluidity. 

“I want to make you feel good,” he whispered, stroking your cheek, “I want to show you how special you are.”

From the movement of his body alone, you would have imagined him in complete control, not even close to his edge, but his increasingly fevered whispers and messy kisses to your lips and neck told a different story.

“Your pussy is so good. It’s so fucking wet.”

You kissed him back, nodding and moaning in affirmative as that perfect curve rubbed you just right inside, the low tempo building an ache as sweet and gentle as his thrusts. You gasped, pulsing around him, and his hips stuttered for the first time.

“F-fuck.” he breathed, “So hot. So perfect.”

He tensed.

“I’m close.”

You smiled against his ear. You were on birth control and you knew enough about Five to know that he didn’t raw-dog every barista who made him a good cup of coffee. It wasn’t logical or sensible but it was the only thing that seemed right after two years of illogical, foolish denial. 

“Come inside me.”

“You sure?”

You barely had time to confirm it to him before he let out an inarticulate cry. His dick pumped hard inside you, coating your walls with his load with his head buried in your neck, still keeping you gasping throughout with controlled, gentle, sensuous pumps of his pelvis.  

***

“You want coffee?”

You lay, bare-breasted on his chest as Five combed his fingers through your hair, feeling warm, content, and glowing from his tenderness. 

“Let me get it for a change.” he said.

“Wow, it really is my birthday,” you teased. 

You heard a short exhale of laughter as he extracted himself gently from the bedsheets. 

“Sure is.”

And, with as little care for his nakedness as if this was his own apartment, he headed across the bedroom, turning back at the door with a wry smile.

“And it’s not over yet.”

Tag list: (please comment to be added or removed): @thebearmage, @nevbrooke-555, @fiannee, @abeeabee6969

Oneshot Masterlist >> HERE

NOTE: I take Five requests, I'm fairly versatile in what I write (fluff, smut, angst, psychological character study- I'll try it all) but I will consider them on a case by case basis. See oneshot masterlist for request status and more.

[happy-mokka]

Happy birthday to me!!! 🎂

Yeah. Hi. It's me. Middle-aged Aziraphale fangirl did his next big step in the direction of the big 50.

Wahooooo! Not really…

I hate my birthdays. Always did. Even as a child.

Now as this middle-aged queerish-dude I am still having a hard time, standing in the middle of things and being cheered on by others.

I was born. Great. Get along, people, nothing to see here. Can you all just go home please?

"Well, what the f*ck are you doing here then, right now, with this post, in the middle of an internet platform in front of a bunch of strangers?!?"

some of you might ask. And rightly so, I must add.

Way more than 12 hours before - it is now past 10 pm in Germany - so this morning after I woke up to be exact, I had seriously contemplated the possibility to call in sick on my birthday, and hide myself from the world, quietly sobbing on my couch. For the first time in my working life of 24 years. I had always been to work on my birthdays. No exception.

But the past months had been hard. I never really felt in control of things, still don't. Those who know me closer, know that I like to be in control. Always a plan at hand. Always prepared…

Only that it didn't really work out…hasn't for quite a long time. I just never admitted it to myself. Always kept on going. My family was always good in repressing things.

Don't show weakness. Keep on functioning. What will the others think? People depend on you!

My family also never really considered me being "a success story" by their standards. I am unmarried. Don't have children. No big career. Ok, I've put enough on the side to live a financial solid life in a nice appartment. But the first part really nagged at them, and through them at me.

So I was already unhappy for quite some time.

Together with an ongoing above-average and ever growing work-load at the office, this feeling of unhappiness turned slowly into dread and then deep sadness, until I felt close to breaking with the beginning of today.

Now, almost 15 hours later, I am here, writing this sappy stuff and am genuinely happy for the first time in months.

"What changed?"

Well, I was thinking about this a lot in the past hour. While sitting in the bus and later while walking home.

Honestly? Nothing really changed.

I got my eyes opened and my perspective adjusted by someone very dear to me. That's what friends are for, and she is the best of them. My bestie.

She is the one who got me addicted to Good Omens last year and pushed me onto this hellsite. She brought me Doctor Who and the Tardis (yeah, I know, shame on me, coming so late to the game…). She makes me constantly re-think my opinions and keeps opening new windows to look through on things I had missed or never noticed before. She is challenging me on a daily basis to be more than I normally would go for or did for many years. She became the closest friend I have ever had in my life. Sure, I know lots of people a lot longer in years. Some since Kindergarten. But none of them digged themselves so deep into the darkest corners of my soul. Places not even my brother or my parents ever got to see. She made me, a life long rather shy introvert, open up, despite the fact that she is even more introverted than I have ever been. I still don't fully understand all of it, but here I am, writing all this to an unknown audience, as proof. A year ago, this wouldn't have been possible, not even in my wildest dreams.

"So, you didn't realize this before?"

I did. It just got pushed aside by all the negative spiralling. Sometimes you don't see, what's right in front of you.

After work, I walked her home. I like doing that. Sometimes talking all the way. Sometimes just walking in silence side by side. At her place she handed me 2 presents and just like that, it clicked. Sometimes, it doesn't take much, if it comes from the heart…

People, meet my new Michael Sheen mug!!!

So, we basically bonded over Good Omens and as faith would have it, we are exactly Aziraphale (me) and Crowley (her) coded. 100%.

It makes me beyond happy, knowing that everytime I'll sip my coffee with my beloved Sheeny, on the other end of town she will sip her hot cocoa out of her corresponding new David Tennant mug.

Good Omens was not the only thing we found out to have in common. The common ground sometimes is really breathtaking and we still regularly stumble over new things it contains. So many things that we equally love. Books, movies, music, long walks, just sitting there in silence and taking in a beautiful view… On the other hand, we are so different in so many aspects, but with the feeling of it rather complementing than dividing us.

She loves to chrochet, I can't even hammer a nail strait into a sponge. Speaking of which, meet my 2nd gift: Audrey!!!!!!!!!

We watched "Little shop of Horrors" (the 1986 version with Rick Moranis) a few weeks ago. Both for the first time. Loved it. I immediately fell for "Audrey", the flesh-eating alien plant. Didn't speak anything out loud, still it didn't go unnoticed…and, yes, it is hand-made!!!

*sigh*

"So, what am I trying to say here?"

Good qestion…

Life can be cruel. Life will be hard at times. It will make you cry, like, a lot.

Try to not go through all this alone. Sometimes those that you least expect it from, turn out to become your anchor in the stormy sea or the lighthouse showing you the way. Build your own little family of friends (even if its just one). Hold them tight, once you found them. Love them with all that's in you. You will get it back ten fold.

To quote the great Neil Gaiman:

Why?

L🥰ve!

@uncleadelheid-will-eat-your-soul , thanks for being all that for me, little introverted geeky metal edgelord office girl, and thanks for enduring my annoying love for bad jokes and even worse puns…

P.S.: Sorry btw for the storm, lighthouse, anchor metaphors with you hating all that's related to the dark blue sea…I still didn't edit them out…maybe we'll be getting there. At least I left out fishy fish…

🐟🐠🐡🦈🌊🦑

[sunflowerim]

I don't wanna say goodbye, 'cause this one means forever

Journal entries of our resident drama queen, Sirius Black. 12 birthdays. 12 entries. And a great deal of friendship, pining, love and heartbreak.

Wolfstar-Marauders hc. Word Count: 5155.

🌙💫

November 3rd, 1971

Dear Diary,

I am Sirius Orion Black and today is my birthday

I, Sirius Orion Black, turn 12 today.

This diary was a present from Andy for starting at Hogwarts but all these months I didn't know what to write here. Today, I asked James what he would do if he had a journal, and he said he would write about all his exciting days in Hogwarts so that it would be stored forever in pages.

I think today was pretty exciting, so I am going to start this journal, finally.

This birthday was quite different from the ones I've had before

My parents forgot to wish me. Or they just chose not to. Probably because I'm the first Black to have ended up in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. It should have made any regular kid sad but I'm somewhat relieved.

I was not woken up by Kreacher loudly cleaning my room in the morning (because apparently, my room must be squeaky clean on birthdays even though no one really comes up here except to reprimand me for something), but instead by James jumping on my bed to wish me. It startled me a bit but the change was welcome.

I was not greeted in the morning by my mother or father who, at some point in the past few years had started saying that this day was an annoying reminder (well, they never really said it but actions speak louder than words), but instead with a freshly baked pie which James's mom had sent because he'd mentioned to her in his previous letter that it was his "best friend's birthday". I liked that too.

People in the hallways wished me and it made me very happy; unlike when people at home wished me lectured me about my noble birth and it made me want to hide in my room.

I did receive cards from Andy and Uncle Alphard AND received some more cards from a few friends. (Remus is excellent with cards by the way)

I had no idea birthdays could be this fun.

I really hope I can stay in Hogwarts for a long time.

P.S. Reggie did not wish me either and I wonder what’s up with him. I was expecting a letter from him. But then again, my birthdays have never been a big deal in the family (what with my rebellious streak and all) so I suppose that’s okay.

* * *

November 3rd, 1972

Hello journal, it's me again.

It's not that the past 365 days were not exciting; they were. I just forgot to write about them. Also, I doubt if I would have been able to fit an entire year's worth of adventures in a single journal. Yes, we indeed had THAT much fun.

I am a year older today and once again glad that no one from my family has been able to ruin this day for me this year either. Somehow they just decided not to acknowledge that I was ever born. Maybe they would if I was more like Narcissa or Bella. But who'd want to be like them? Gross. I'd much rather celebrate the day with people who truly care about me.

One thing that did upset me a little was Reggie's behaviour. He started Hogwarts this year and was sorted into Slytherin like the rest of our "noble" family, but it's like he doesn't even recognise me anymore. I know that my being sorted into Gryffindor was a matter of disgrace to the family but I don't understand what that's got to do with Reggie. We're supposed to be brothers, but whenever I look at him these days, he looks like a miniature version of our birth giver. I wonder who brainwashed him like that.

Actually I don't have to wonder. I know it was our mother.

Anyway, Lily once said that I should be more grateful for things I have rather than complain about things that displease me, so here:

I'm grateful that James and Remus are in my life.

I'm grateful for all the things they did to make my birthday special.

I'm grateful that I'm not lonely anymore.

Most importantly, I’m grateful to the Sorting Hat for putting me in Gryffindor. I would have missed out on everything if not for this.

And I'm not just saying these because Lily asked me to but because I really mean it. I'd be nowhere without James and Remus.

That's it for this year.

I will try not to ditch this journal until my next birthday.

Sirius Black, aged 13, signing off.

* * *

November 3rd, 1973

I am now 14, and I've just had the best birthday ever.

It was a stroke of luck that my birthday fell on Hogsmeade weekend. I couldn't have asked for anything better. Also because 3rd years are allowed to stay in the common room till late, I had the golden opportunity of attending two celebrations this week: the Gryffindor Halloween party and my birthday. Yes indeed, James and Remus pulled all the strings to throw me a birthday party after our already amazing day out in Hogsmeade. I have no idea how they managed to put together so much but it meant a lot to me.

James gifted me a two-way mirror so we could communicate during detentions. That's the best idea he's ever had! And Moony, a.k.a, Remus (Moony is his nickname now; reasons: non-disclosable) gave me an enlarged disc containing muggle music (apparently it's called vinyl, and we need a vinyl player to listen to it). Frank says he'll find a vinyl player for the common room so everyone can listen to muggle music in general, but I have decided that I will be the first one to listen to this particular vinyl, alone. I don't think I wanna share Moony's gift with everyone right away.

I love the presents and I love my friends.

P.S. I have resigned myself to the fact that my journal entries are indeed gonna be annual and not as regular as I had initially promised and I think it's better that way. I'll be able to keep using this diary for a long long time. Until I'm withered and old and will need to use magic to write instead of my tired hands.

P.P.S. James, Moony, and I go by the name 'Marauders' now and we've made quite a name for ourselves in Hogwarts. Not something my parents would be happy about and that's exactly what makes it so much better for me.

As for Reggie, he never tries to talk to me in school and keeps his distance at family dinners, like I am an object of disgust to him. It's gonna take some getting used to, but I suppose I'll manage as long as I have James and Moony.

* * *

November 3rd, 1974

I, Sirius Black, 15, have a major crush on Moony. I know this is my birthday journal and I shouldn't be pining away here, but I cannot talk to anyone about it and will combust if I hold it in any longer. Hence, the journal.

James got lucky. He can talk about his hopeless crush on Lily all the time without any restraints and he doesn't care if she rejects him a hundred times. I can't say the same for myself. Not to be dramatic but I'd be pretty devastated if Moony ever turned me away the way Lily does James. Some girls have asked me out this year and I did go to Hogsmeade with one of them last month, but I cannot seem to get Moony out of my mind.

Not to brag but a lot of girls asked me out for the Yule Ball too but I had zero desire to be bored so I went in with Moony. In hindsight, it might not have been the best idea because going to a 'Ball Dance' and trying to dance around with Moony had me panicking throughout. Why am I such a mess when it comes to him?

Over the year, Moony has randomly brought in more muggle music for me and I have loved every single one of them. I don't know how he knows just what I'd like. He just gets it.

Frank found a vinyl player for the common room, but the seller also had another slightly broken player which he was ready to give up for free, so of course I took it and fixed it, and placed it right next to my bed. Now I can listen to music anytime I want. But mostly I'm not alone because there's Moony who loves music just as much and he often joins me and tells me all about these muggle singers I'm constantly in awe of.

For this birthday he built me a tiny shelf for my vinyl records, the keyword being 'built'. Sometimes he amazes me like that, by doing things himself that could otherwise be done quicker with magic and I love the effort he puts in for other people (even though he tries really hard to come off as this guy who doesn't give two shits about anyone, he's secretly a softie).

The birthday surprise was amazing as usual.

The Marauders' birthday parties have started to cause some real hype in the school. Even people from other houses come in too (not Slytherin though, never Slytherin).

Anyway, for my next birthday, I hope Remus just gifts himself to me. Or maybe I should stop being a little shit and ask him out. But before any of that, I have to be sure of his feelings too. So far he's been constantly giving off the vibe that he absolutely doesn't want to date anyone which means, I have a LOT to work on until my next birthday.

Merlin, it's gonna be one long year.

* * *

November 3rd, 1975

I, Sirius Black, am 16 today, and an animagus. I'm an illegal one so technically I shouldn't even be writing it down here (like I haven't in the past 2 years of attempting to be one) but my charms have gotten stronger and nobody but me has access to this journal. Anyone else who opens the journal is only going to find blank pages.

Moony, my beloved, is a werewolf (Hence the nickname Moony. Get it? The moon? The furry little problem? Yeah). James and I found out about it in our 3rd year and since then we've been trying to learn about animagi and transformation so we could keep him company on full moons and this year we finally pulled it off. My animagus form is a dog. Not that I mind but I'm beginning to think that all the people who have called me a little bitch before, might have been onto something. Except I'm not little. I'm huge and I really really really hope that idiot Snape bumps into me someday while I’m in my dog form. I'm going to scare the living daylights out of him.

James' form is a stag with huge antlers so we're calling him Prongs. We have decided to call me Padfoot, but sometimes Moony just shortens it and calls me Pads, and my insides start to melt. When and how did I become such a sap?

Anyway, I'm an absolute coward who hasn't done anything in the past year except pine from a distance. And the pining wasn't even mutual. It’s so embarrassing. I think Lily is catching up but Moony, that oblivious idiot, never notices. I'm not persistent like James so I'm not hoping for a miracle.

My birthday was cool because duh, I'm a Marauder. Prongs got me a leather jacket. Apparently, it was Lily's idea, but she still doesn't like me enough to get me something herself. But I'm glad she at least gave the suggestion to Prongsie because boy do I look smashing in it.

Moony got me a photo frame with a picture of me, Prongs, and himself and I really had to hold back tears upon seeing the picture. A little backstory: a few months ago, the three of us had got dressed in tuxedos and went to a studio to get our picture taken, as a joke, because we were that bored. In fact, I'd forgotten about the picture until today; the picture that looks more like a family portrait than any picture in the hallway of Grimmauld Place. It looks real and is currently resting on my bedside chest of drawers, right next to the vinyl player. Merlin, I'm really soft for him. Maybe I really shouldn't bother talking about my crush on him and give up on the whole confession stuff. I don't wanna ruin what we have right now.

Signing off.

* * *

November 3rd, 1976

TURNS OUT THE PINING WASN'T ONE-SIDED AFTER ALL. GUESS WHO ISN'T BITCHLESS ANYMORE? THAT'S RIGHT! ME!!!

Long story short: a few months ago on Moony's birthday, we almost had a moment I guess. His birthday party had just ended and people were slowly leaving the common room and trailing back to their respective dorms and the two of us were sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace. I was tired and I almost dozed off resting my head on Moony's shoulder (!! internal screaming !!) and I think he was carding his hands through my hair (!! internal screaming intensifies !!). Anyway, a slight tug on my hair woke me up and he was like 'Don't fall asleep here let's go back to the dorm'. I will never understand what possessed me at that moment but I ended up saying, "Let's stay like this for a little while. Please." And the way he looked at me after hearing that, oh Merlin. I cannot describe it in words but it was enough to give me the confidence I'd been needing for months, and I actually pulled him closer by tugging at his shirt and I'm almost sure I'd have kissed him if Prongsie didn't choose that moment to come down looking for us. I love him to death, but at that moment, I really wanted to punch his face. The spell was broken and Moony pulled back and I faked a yawn in an attempt to be nonchalant.

But ever since then, there has been this tension between us. I think I had finally made him stop and think about things and probably recently, he finally came to a conclusion because last night at 12 after Prongs had gone back to sleep in his bed after wishing me, Moony stayed back on my bed and following some awkward small talk, actually kissed me!!

And then guess what he said?

"I hope that's okay."

Well duh, of course it's okay Moons. It's me, and it's you, so it'll always be okay.

I was too stunned to say any of it though, so I just kissed him back to make him understand that I wanted this too. That I had waited ages for this moment.

I am mad blushing as I write this. This is embarrassing.

I will not go into any further details but yeah I'm really happy today.

Another important event that happened in the past few months is that I ran away from home after last Christmas. Yes, it finally happened and I was backed by the Potters. I live with them now and I'll forever be grateful for that. On top of that Uncle Alphard had left me all his money which I could access once I turned 17, so now I'm not financially dependent on anyone (which is very important to me). Again, I shall not go into details regarding why I ran away from home because it's gonna ruin the vibe of this journal. That's something I'd rather not vent about.

Anyway, it's been better since then. The Potters take care of me. Prongs takes care of me. And Moony takes care of me. A lot. Even Lily isn't as rude. I hope things stay this way for a long long time.

Happy 17th indeed.

* * *

November 3rd, 1977

Lily and Prongs started dating this year. I wanna say I saw it coming, but that would be a lie. I think I was almost as surprised as Prongs was.

I'd thought I would be spared from Prongs ranting about Lily once they start going out and at least have the last year at school free of "Lily this"and "Lily that", but I was wrong. If anything, it has increased. But it's okay because hearing him talk about random things while the Wizarding World is slowly heading toward destruction and war is calming at times. It also seems like he's become more responsible over the past year. It suits him.

Moony and I are okay, but I'm worried about him. With the current insurgence of dark power, it feels like only a matter of time before people start coming for him. But one thing's for sure, I'll protect him with everything I have. He probably doesn't need it but the very thought of something happening to him keeps me up at night.

We've all decided to join Dumbledore once school is over to fight death eaters and You-Know-Who. I'd imagined a safe and happy future with my friends and I'm willing to fight anything that stands in its way.

I was not in the mood to celebrate my birthday but because it's my last one in school I didn't protest. We still have fun but it's overshadowed by this constant fear of something happening to the people you love. We live among enemies. We go to classes with people who might potentially join the dark side and it's hard to ignore such thoughts.

I think I would have lost my mind without Moony beside me.

I love Moony and he loves me and we've decided to live together after school is over. I don't want us to stay apart in times like this.

I genuinely feel responsible for the people around me. Maybe I really did grow up after all. We've all grown up. 11-year-old Sirius would be surprised to see 18-year-old Sirius now.

On another note, I finally lost patience with Reggie. I found him torturing younger students because they were "half-bloods" and at that moment I could see our mother in him. Nothing could have prepared me for that image of him. I interfered and overpowered him, which resulted in a burst of insults; everything that our mother would have said in that situation, word for word. Maybe I should have started fighting him from the day he started calling Remus names because of the half-blood bullshit, but Remus always used to stop me. But this time, Remus wasn't around and I was not having it. I would have fought him again if not for Prongs and Lily, who were then doing their rounds as Head Boy and Head Girl. I'm glad they stopped me though, because, despite the anger, I was too hurt and was very close to tears which is the last thing I'd have wanted Reggie to see. I never thought things would turn out like this between us.

* * *

November 3rd, 1978

School is over and I'm currently living with Moony. I feel more at ease somehow now, than when I was at school. I suppose it's because I don't feel helpless anymore. James and I started our Auror training and with every passing day we're becoming stronger. I can fight death eaters and I am capable of protecting other people. Moony couldn't join Auror training because he cannot be involved with the Ministry but he's been carrying out other missions for the Order of the Phoenix, aka the face of the fight against You-Know-Who.

My birth family, as expected, has joined the dark side. The Blacks are supposedly among the biggest supporters of You-Know-Who and I've faced immense backlash because of the name I carry.

Living with Moony is one of the only comforting things in my life right now. We've moved into a small house close to the Potters and after a whole day of meetings and missions, I am so grateful for his warmth next to me.

A lot of my friends from school joined Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix and I see them regularly. We hang out sometimes like we did today for the impromptu birthday celebration Moony put together for me. But it feels like a privilege we can't afford. Not yet. Not when death eaters are running loose and You-Know-Who is gaining power.

* * *

November 3rd, 1979

James and Lily got married at the end of last year!! And of course I was James' best man. Their getting married has given me a new sort of hope that things will be okay. They have to be. So that Moony and I can get married at some point too. And we'll all be happy. After such a shitty childhood, I deserve to be happy.

On top of everything, Lily is pregnant, which means things will have to get better very soon. James Jr. deserves to be born into a peaceful world. I am going to make sure the kid doesn't have to go through what we all did.

Moony and I don't get to spend much time together these days because of our missions and it's hard but it's a price we have to pay to secure the lives of our loved ones. Being an Auror helps me with that. I'm 20 today but I feel much much older.

* * *

November 3rd, 1980

We lost James' parents to dragon pox. They left before little Harry arrived.

Reggie is dead. So are my parents. Reasons unknown. But I'm pretty sure they got into trouble with the Ministry like most other death eaters.

Anyway, that doesn't matter now. What matters is that I have to protect James, Lily, and Harry. I won't let the war orphan him like it did James and me.

The Dark Lord is after Harry. There's apparently a bullshit prophecy that states that Harry will be able to kill him and so that moron is after a literal baby. And guess who relayed that prophecy to the Dark Lord? Fucking Snape. I knew he was bad but how evil do you have to be to do something like that?

James and Lily are to go into hiding and I am to be their secret keeper. Dumbledore said he might change the secret keeper because everyone is going to suspect that I know about it. After all, I'm close to them and if I get captured, they might torture me to get their location out of me. I know I won't give in to torture but we're trying not to take any risks.

It's not going to be Moony either. Dumbledore has sent him on a lot of missions to try and bring other dark creatures to our side and every time Moony comes back from those missions, he seems a little different. I find it hard to communicate with him these days. It might be my paranoia speaking but I am not ready to take any risks. Moreover, after me, Remus is going to be the prime suspect of being the secret keeper. So we can't risk that. I've relayed as much to Dumbledore and we will be choosing someone unsuspecting.

Turning 21 was supposed to be fun but 'fun' is something I can't even imagine anymore when I go to work every morning and round up death eater after death eater or when I find myself staring frozen at the occasional familiar name on the list of casualties.

It seems stupid to write all this down in a journal but my head will explode if I cannot vent about all that goes on in my head, so in a way, I'm glad this journal exists.

* * *

November 3rd, 1995

It's hard to believe that this journal still exists and that it has been 15 years since my last entry. I showed it to Moony yesterday and he said I should try writing again. Might be good to vent. So here goes,

I turned 36 today. But James and Lily aren't here to see me now.

We lost them to the war 14 years ago.

I couldn't save them but I wanted to rescue and take in their son, Harry, my godchild. But I couldn't even do that because I was convicted of murder. They really went ahead and put me on trial for the murder of my best friends and everyone just stood and watched. Funny how easy it was for all of them to forget that James and I were brothers once they looked at the cursed name I carried : Black.

I'm ashamed to admit that I had suspected Remus of being a spy. That I had distrusted him which led to the real spy taking advantage of it. That spy, who of all people had ended up becoming the Secret Keeper for James and Lily and consequently revealed their location to You-Know-Who, who reached them and they sacrificed their lives to protect little Harry…

I don't think I can write at length about the plethora of emotions I have on this subject. It still hurts to think about it.

You-know-who too died that night supposedly but he's back now and we are approaching another war, hopefully to end things for good this time, and I swear on my life, I'll protect the ones I love. I couldn't save James and Lily but I won't let anything happen to Harry. Moony and I will see to that.

I had been shipped off to Azkaban and I stayed there for 12 years until I made my escape 2 years ago. I will not go into details about that either, for the sake of my sanity.

Speaking of people I love, it took some time, but I think Moony and I have been able to navigate through our misunderstandings. I've altered the spell on the journal so Moony can have access to it too if he wants. This journal is possibly the only keepsake we have of our childhood together. I told him that he may read it some years down the line.

About Harry, I don't know where to start. I love that kid to death and I'll never forgive all the people who made his life this miserable. If I had known the kind of life my Godson was forced to lead, I'd have made my escape sooner and rescued him. Both Moony and I had been under the impression that he was taken care of, so he stayed away from Harry's life and I thought about him from a distance. There's only one person I'm blaming for this - Dumbledore. We were stupid for entrusting him with everything.

One day, when the war is over, I hope we can all live in peace. Harry, Moony, and me. But for now, I'm just really worried because Harry always has this tendency to dive head-first into trouble and I'm too scared to lose him. I'll have to give him some serious talk soon.

About James and Lily, it feels like I'm being repeatedly stabbed with a dagger every time I try to talk about them. When we were in school, James used to say that he hoped he'd never have to outlive any of us. That he couldn't handle the thought of being left behind. Who knew his words would come true like that? It's been 14 years but the wounds are as fresh as ever. Some grief, you aren't supposed to move on from.

Anyway, time to wrap it up. Harry and his friends are going to come over in the evening to see me and I'm so thankful for the time I get to spend with him. And Moony.

P.S. Moony if you ever decide to read this, know that I love you. That I have always loved you. That I spent every moment in Azkaban regretting my decisions. I'm sorry that I let my paranoia get the better of me and blindsight me to all that I held dear. I hope you can forgive me.

* * *

November 3rd, 1996

I'm not sure I can do this but I think it would be wrong to not continue this birthday journal.

Sirius.

How could you do this to me? To Harry?

How could you leave us a second time?

The war is still going on but your absence is eating me up from the inside. Every place I go, screams your name. We were all supposed to survive the war, you idiot. You were supposed to continue writing in this journal till you were old and withered. You can't just not keep your word.

Just when I'd finally made peace with your long absence, you came back into my life and made me realise that I never truly had moved on. How can I go through that again? I'm not ready to say goodbye. Not again. Not when you did not spend enough time with me. We've been apart longer than we were together and I hate it.

Harry has been inconsolable and more reckless than ever. Losing you really shook him to the core and I don't know what to tell him when I can't even deal with this myself. I'm losing my mind at the suddenness of it all. All I can do is keep fighting so more people don't have to lose their loved ones. The fight at the Ministry was like fuel to the fire and the war is on the way to reach full scale soon. I don't know if I'll survive this but I do know that I will ensure the safety of as many as I can.

Against my better judgement, I did end up reading your whole journal, and Pads it hurts. It hurts so much. The way I'd give anything to get back our time together in school.

To get back James, Lily, and you.

Come back.

I think it was cruel of you people to leave me alone, to make me arrange and attend all your funerals, to make me go through all this heartbreaking ordeal. To leave me nothing but your gravestones to talk to. There's only so much grief I can hold.

You just wait till I see you again.

I remember you saying that 'Dust thou art, to dust returnest' only applied to us 'earthlings' and that you'd just go back to the star you came from. It sounded like a harmless joke in school but now I just hope I can reach you wherever you are, Pads.

I cannot continue any further but I'm somewhat relieved I could add one more entry to this, that this journal could have a closure.

Happy Birthday Pads. I Love You. And goodbye I'll see you soon.

Yours forevermore,

Moony.

🌙💫

A/N: I won't say that this song inspired the whole fic but towards the end I thought that the grief I wanted to portray with this fic resonated perfectly with how this song makes me feel so I listened to it again and it kinda helped me articulate things better.

And this is the cover I was obsessively listening to while writing the last entry :

P.S. To anyone struggling with grief and loss right now, I hope that you can be okay eventually. And I hope that it can get better someday soon , if not now. Please take care.

My Other Works

[topgun-imagines]

Birthday Girl

Requested: sorta?

Summary: Hangman wants to surprise you for your birthday.

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: none

Note: Happy birthday @callsign-dragonbaron!!

Pairing: Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x fem!reader

The sun was just barely peeking above the horizon as Jake drove. Many years in the Navy meant that he had learned how to wake up before the sun. A skill that would come in handy today. He was on his way to the Hard Deck, ready to help the other plan something special for you. You had met Jake when the two of you were in the academy. The first time you met, you clicked instantly. As of right now, you were at home asleep, not knowing that Jake was gone or anything about the day to come.

Jake was singing softly along with the radio as he drove down the winding road. The aviator had a wide smile on his face as he thought about where he was going. His song ended just as he pulled into the parking lot of the bar. Rooster, Phoenix, and Bob were already there, hauling stuff out of the back of Rooster’s Bronco. The WSO offered Jake a small wave and a smile as he parked next to them. Hopping out Jake greeted the rest of the group before dropping the tailgate of his own truck. “Thanks for helping guys.” The other aviators smiled softly. They would do anything for you. Even if it meant that they all had to deal with Hangman for hours on end.

Today was your birthday. And they were going to make it the most special one yet. Jake knew that birthdays were a bit of a sensitive topic for you. The first few birthdays in your life had been hard, filled with disaster. Ever since you had met Jake, he had made it his mission to make every birthday since then the best one yet. Even though the others didn’t know exactly what you had experienced, they knew enough that they would lose a few hours of sleep for you.

Penny had let them into the bar early, knowing that the aviators wouldn’t take no for an answer. She trusted them enough to hand Rooster an extra pair of keys the night before and told them not to cause any trouble in her bar. The pilot took them with a mischievous smile, hearing Maverick chuckle behind him.

Inside the bar, various boxes already littered the space. They were filled with decorations. Beautiful pastel yellows and oranges complemented the light blues and greens perfectly. You loved the fall colors, being born on September 17th right at the beginning of fall. The light blues and greens were also some of your favorite colors. The boxes housed streamers and a few banners. Even a couple strands of fairy lights had been brought.

They had convinced everyone to come out. Everyone, including the rest of the Dagger squad, Penny, and Maverick. They had even convinced Admiral Kazansky to come out. The bar would be full of your friends and people that you considered family.

The group made their way inside and began to unpack the boxes. Once they had a majority of the decorations out, Bob pulled Jake with him to the kitchen to begin making the cake. This year, Jake had decided that he would enlist the help of the WSO to make your cake. The past few that were made by Jake, while they had been good, didn’t look exactly like he wanted them to. It was an unspoken rule that Bob was the best in the kitchen. From cooking up delicious Sunday dinners to baking better than anyone, Bob could do practically anything in the kitchen. Another unspoken rule was the Phoenix and Rooster were never allowed in the kitchen. There had been one too many fiery incidents to risk it at this point.

Less than half an hour later Jake was pulling two cake pans out of the oven while Bob worked on the icing. The frosting was a beautiful baby blue. Once that was on the cake Bob talked Jake through the process of piping small orange and yellow flowers onto it. A few white sprinkles were dropped into the center of each one. When they finished Bob offered the pilot a small smile. While they weren’t very fond of each other before the mission, it was safe to say that their relationship had improved immensely.

Back in the front of the bar, Phoenix and Rooster had finally finished setting up all the decorations. The clock on the wall read that it was now after nine O’clock. The cake was in the fridge and all the decorations were up. Now all that was left was to get everyone there.

When you woke up the sun was streaming down on your face. You were wrapped up in the large comforter. Blindly, you reached over to feel the other side of the bed, expecting to find the warmth of your boyfriend. Instead, you were met with cold sheets. With furrowed eyebrows, you sat up in the bed, the comforter wrapped around your shoulder as a chilly sea breeze flitted in through the open window.

You glanced around the room in search of Jake. When he wasn’t there you sighed and left the bed, moving to get ready for the day. It wasn’t unusual to wake up without your boyfriend. Years of service in the Navy meant that he was used to leaving in the early hours of the morning. And you were used to watching him go.

When you were finished getting dressed you headed downstairs and to the kitchen. You began brewing yourself a pot of coffee while putting your playlist on shuffle. The second your coffee finished brewing you could hear the sound of your boyfriend's truck in the driveway. Odd. Usually, when he disappeared early in the morning he wasn’t home until after you had started making dinner.

“Morning, baby.” You could hear him tossing his keys onto the entry table before he walked into the kitchen. Jake pressed a kiss to your temple as he made his morning cup of tea. It always surprised everyone that you were the only one in the relationship that drank coffee.

You hummed as the stubble that he had been growing out tickled your cheek. “You were gone early this morning,” You could see the mischievous smile rise on his face. That was all he offered. “Where were you?” A giggle escaped your mouth as Jake spun you around and pressed you to the counter.

He began pressing soft kisses to the side of your throat. “Just running some errands,” His explanation was vague. Eventually, he pulled back and flashed you one of his award-winning smiles. Jake checked the clock on the stove. It was just about 10 O’clock. Jake had to have you at the hard deck, completely unsuspecting, by quarter after eleven. “Wanna go for a walk?” His southern drawl was more prominent causing you to smile.

All you offered was a hum in response, taking a few sips of your coffee as you smiled at Jake. He knew that that was your way of saying yes. So, when you had set your mug down on the counter he pulled you towards the door making you laugh. “What’s the rush, cowboy?” Jake just smiled.

The walk was short, the air slightly chilly as you and Jake walked hand in hand. You had no idea where the two of you were going. You and Jake often took long walks after he got home, both of you using the time to talk about how your days were, how Jake was doing in his flight training and what your day at the office entailed. This walk seemed to be longer than others. You were silent as you strolled down the street, a few crunchy leaves falling at your feet.

Minutes later and you could now see the Hard Deck. You turned to Jake only to find him smiling softly. As you got closer you could see the absence of cars in the parking lot. So why would Jake take you there? Next thing you knew Jake was stopping just as you approached the door. “Just trusted me.” He smiled as he pulled a bandana out of his pocket and wrapped it around your eyes. Now you were really lost. What could he possibly be doing?

You trusted Jake as he led you into the bar. Jake stopped the two of you and pressed a kiss to your temple, pulling the blindfold over your head. “Surprise!” You brought your hand up to cover your mouth in shock. All around you were all of your friends, people that you considered your family, all gathered there for you. Happy tears began gathering in your eyes.

One by one they walked up to hug you. Eventually, Maverick and Admiral Kazansky were the last to approach you. Maverick smiled gently at you as he gave you a hug. Hugs from Maverick were one of your favorite things. They were warm and cozy and reminded you of a fatherly hug. “Happy birthday.”He pulled back and stepped to the side.

Next up was Admiral Kazansky. The tears began leaking down your cheeks. Tom was like a father to you, stepping in when you needed him the most. The Admiral gave you a soft smile as you wrapped your arms around him. “I’m proud of you, kiddo.” He would never know how much those words meant to you. Especially coming from him. You smiled as he pressed a kiss to your hairline. He gave you one last gentle grin before heading over to the others.

Jake walked up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. “Happy birthday, baby,” His chin was resting on your shoulder. You smiled, setting your hands on top of his. He leaned in to whisper in your ear. You could practically hear his smirk dripping from his words. “The faster we finish up here, the faster we can get home. I have another present for you that I think you’ll love.” As much as you loved the party, you were loving the promise of your boyfriend's gift. You knew for a fact that it was not one for a public setting.

a/n: First Hangman fic! Thanks for reading. Requests are open.

[archiveikemen]

Abe no Yasuchika 2nd Birthday Story

I do not own any of the Ikemen Series content being uploaded on this blog, everything belongs to CYBIRD. Please support them by playing their games and buying stories. Not 100% accurate, expect mistakes.

read this before interacting with my posts

After a ritual that was being held at the castle since morning was over—.

(Now that I’m done helping out with the ritual, I can take a break and go shopping.)

As I walked around town, I recalled the serious facial expression I saw on Yasuchika’s face from afar during the ritual earlier.

(He was specially invited from Kyoto for the ritual… as expected of Yasuchika, the infamously talented Onmyoji.)

(— Oh? Speaking of which… isn’t it Yasuchika’s birthday today?)

(If I happen to meet him later, I should wish him happy birthday before he returns to Kyoto.)

Yuno: But I don’t think it’ll be easy to meet him…

???: — Who’s not easy to meet?

Yuno: ? Um, oh… Yasuchika!?

I looked up in surprise when someone responded to my mumbling.

Yasuchika: Hello! Fox Princess.

(Speak of the devil! I can’t believe we really ran into each other.)

Surprised by the unexpected meeting, I quickly returned the greeting and asked him about what I was thinking about earlier.

Yuno: Yasuchika, it’s your birthday today, right?

Yasuchika: Hm? That’s right. You remembered.

(I knew it!)

Yuno: Happy birthday!

Yasuchika: Mm, thanks.

Yasuchika: I’m dressed like this and came all the way to Kamakura for work on my birthday. I’m amazing, you know?

Yasuchika: Such a hardworking man like myself is always open to receiving gifts!

(Hmm, this brings back some memories. I remember him asking for gifts like this last year too.)

(... Huh?)

I was about to smile back at him — and then I realised something.

Although his words sound cheerful, Yasuchika didn't seem genuinely happy.

Yuno: … By any chance, are you uninterested in celebrating your own birthday?

Yasuchika: Huh?

I asked the question without much thinking and Yasuchika's eyes widened for a moment like he had been caught.

Yasuchika: … You’re right. I mean, it’s honestly no different from any other regular day.

Yasuchika: But birthdays are special for most people, right? So I thought I’d follow suit.

(Follow suit? He’s just trying to fit in?)

(That means Yasuchika doesn't actually care about his birthday…)

At that moment, I noticed a slight cold glint in Yasuchika’s eyes.

(This question might sound like I’m intruding too far into his boundaries, but for some reason I can’t leave this as it is…)

Yuno: If it’s the birthday of someone important to you, would it still be no different from any other day?

Yuno: For example, would you be happy or want to celebrate it for them…?

I asked while thinking about what I would personally do in those situations, and Yasuchika responded with a smile.

Yasuchika: I’ll be happy for them, I guess? If they wanted to be born, that is.

Yasuchika: … But that’s not always the case for everyone.

Yasuchika: There are people who lead a life full of pain and suffering, cursing at the fact that they were ever born into this world.

(Cursing at being born…?)

The unexpectedly heavy response from Yasuchika took me by surprise.

(— Everyone has their own ways of thinking. But… his way feels kind of lonely.)

(I wonder if Yasuchika’s past birthdays have never been enjoyable for him…)

Husband: — Come on, watch your step. It can turn into something big if you trip and fall.

Wife: Of course I will! I’ll also be sure to use you as a cushion to soften the impact if I do fall~

(Hm?)

Yasuchika: Oops, that’s…

Yasuchika and I heard a conversation, and at the same time we turned to see a pregnant woman with a large baby bump slowly walking alongside a man who appeared to be her husband.

(Wow, she’s pregnant!)

Yuno: Hello. Are the two of you headed somewhere?

The young couple wore puzzled expressions when I suddenly approached them.

I introduced myself to them as a physician while maintaining a cheerful attitude.

Yasuchika: That was a very happy conversation.

Wife: Ah, you heard us? That’s kind of embarrassing.

Husband: Actually, we’re on our way to the midwife’s house. There still quite a while before our baby is due, but the assessment suggested that we make our way there earlier.

Wife: I was told that it's beneficial for me to move around once in a while, and I’ve been going for regular check-ups.

Yuno: Ahh, I see.

(That’s reassuring to know. I was concerned about her moving around while heavily pregnant, but… they seem to be very happy.)

Yasuchika: …

(? Yasuchika…?)

I noticed that Yasuchika was lost in thought.

Yasuchika: May I know where the midwife’s house is?

Husband: The house? Go along this road, then head north…

The couple answered his question politely without a hint of hesitation.

Yasuchika listened to their answer and nodded in understanding while paying attention to the pregnant woman’s abdomen.

(Is something the matter?)

Yasuchika: — I have just one piece of advice for this happy couple.

Yasuchika: Avoid the road you’re planning to take, and instead go by that one over there.

Couple: Huh…?

Yasuchika: Well then, I wish you well!

Yasuchika ignored their looks of confusion and smiled warmly at the woman.

They were confused by the sudden advice to take a detour for some reason unknown to them.

Wife: Erm, well… if someone as respectable as you says so.

Husband: Ah, yeah… we’ll take your advice. Thank you.

It seems that Yasuchika’s physical appearance gave them the impression that he was a man of high authority.

Despite feeling obliged, the couple sincerely accepted Yasuchika’s advice and left.

Yasuchika: Yup, it’s a good thing to be honest.

Yuno: Yasuchika… what was that all about?

Yasuchika: Just being a busybody.

Yasuchika: It’s always good to listen to any advice someone has for you, although you’ll never know if it’s genuine good advice.

(Ugh, I’m so curious!)

(But I highly doubt he’ll tell me what it is.)

His usual carefree smile made me realise that I was likely to be the one who would be deceived by the “smoke screen” he put up.

Yuno: — By the way, Yasuchika. If you have time to spare, can I have a moment with you?

…

Afterwards, Yasuchika and I were having sweets at a nearby teahouse—.

(Come to think of it, this is the first time I’m in a shop together with Yasuchika.)

I realised it while eating my dumplings.

I glanced at Yasuchika who was seated next to me, only to see that he had been staring at me as well and our eyes met.

(Ah…)

Yasuchika narrowed his eyes and smiled.

Yasuchika: My encounters with you are always something new.

Yuno: W-What do you mean “encounters”...

Even though he was most likely joking, the realisation that we were alone together made my heart race.

Yuno: B- But I’m glad to meet you today!

Yuno: Today is an important occasion because it’s the day you were born.

Yasuchika: …

(Huh…?)

Yasuchika: Right. I knew you’d say something like that.

Yasuchika’s facial expression quickly relaxed and went back to his usual smile, but…

(Just a second ago… he looked kind of lonely.)

His response that seemed to contain a hidden meaning left a feeling of uncertainty in my heart.

(I wonder what's on Yasuchika’s mind.)

…

By the time we left the teahouse, the sky was already dyed orange by the setting sun.

Yasuchika: Today was so much fun.

Yuno: Yeah.

Although I nodded in response to Yasuchika, I couldn't get that impatient feeling off my chest.

– Flashback Start –

Yasuchika: I’ll be happy for them, I guess? If they wanted to be born, that is.

Yasuchika: … But that’s not always the case for everyone.

Yasuchika: There are people who lead a life full of pain and suffering, cursing at the fact that they were ever born into this world.

– Flashback End –

(The person Yasuchika mentioned earlier who led a life full of suffering…)

(I have no idea who he was referring to. It’s also possible that he could've been making a general statement.)

(But…)

I recalled the cold look I caught a glimpse of in Yasuchika’s eyes when I asked him about his birthday.

(Yasuchika definitely has no sentimental feelings about being born.)

And somehow, I thought that it was incredibly lonely.

(I wouldn't go as far as to say that I’m glad he was born.)

(But at the very least — I hope to let him know that there are people who are happy that he exists.)

Yasuchika: … Well then, it’s unfortunately about time to go home. I’ll walk you back to the castle, Yuno.

Yuno: ! Ah, you’re right. Thank you, Yasuchika.

(There are still many things I want to know about Yasuchika…)

(I don’t want to let him go just like this.)

…

As I continued pondering about how I could convey that sentiment to Yasuchika, we got closer and closer to the castle…

Yuno: … Hm? Yasuchika, over there.

Yasuchika: Yeah. The couple we met in town. Looks like the wife isn't here.

Nearby the castle, we saw the man we met earlier pacing back and forth in the area.

(I think he’s looking for someone… ah.)

The man suddenly turned his gaze in our direction.

His eyes lit up the moment he saw Yasuchika and immediately ran towards us.

Husband: Ahh, I’m glad to see you again…! I wanted to thank you at all costs for what you did for us.

Yuno: Thank?

Yasuchika: From the looks of it, the baby must've been born safe and sound.

Husband: Yes! … As expected, you foresaw that happening, didn’t you?

The man was overflowing with respect and gratitude towards Yasuchika.

We were told that the baby was born earlier than expected, but they fortunately arrived at the midwife’s house just in time.

Moreover, the road they had initially planned to take had stray dogs in the area at that time of day.

Yuno: Stray dogs…!

Husband: Yes. The midwife told us that we were lucky we didn’t take that route today. We were so surprised to hear that.

Husband: Had we taken that route, we would’ve been attacked by stray dogs and…

The man turned pale at the thought.

(Thank goodness the mother and child are safe…!)

Yasuchika: At any rate, you’re pretty good at finding me.

Husband: I described you to the midwife and she told me that you were an Onmyoji.

Husband: I thought that a man of your status would visit the castle, and so I came to see if I could meet you here!

Yasuchika: You’re very sincere.

Yuno: You’re amazing, Yasuchika. Did you already know everything at that time?

Yasuchika: Eh? I didn't know that there would be stray dogs.

(What!?)

Yasuchika laughed at our shocked expressions.

Yasuchika: All I knew at that point of time was that the baby would be born today.

Yasuchika: And the road you were planning to take was not a good direction for the child.

Yasuchika: Even though you had to take a detour, I thought it’d be better to just avoid that road today.

(Wow. He figured that out in such a short time…)

(The family was able to avoid a disaster, because of Yasuchika’s advice.)

Husband: I’m so grateful to have met you today… thank you so much!

The man bowed deeply to Yasuchika, who responded with a smile.

Yasuchika: I’m glad I could help.

Yasuchika: But instead of staying here and talking to us, I think you should hurry back to your family.

Yasuchika: They must be waiting for you to go home.

The man thanked Yasuchika one more time before hurrying off, not wanting to wait even a moment longer to see his family.

Yuno: … I’m sure that family will always be grateful for you, Yasuchika.

Yasuchika: Really? I think they’ll forget about it very soon.

I shook my head in disagreement.

(I know that’s not true. Because…)

Yuno: The couple will never forget the day their child was born, along with the man who saved their child’s life.

Yuno: As the child will surely hear this story from their parents many times while they’re growing up.

Yuno: Their parents will tell them “on the day you were born, this happened…”

Yasuchika: …

I recalled the words of gratitude towards Yasuchika earlier.

Yuno: They’ll be grateful to have met you today, and that you’re here—

Yuno: … Isn’t that the same as being glad that you were born?

Yasuchika: … That’s…

(This might sound exaggerated. I might even get laughed at for jumping to conclusions. But, still…)

I turned to face Yasuchika, who seemed surprised, and looked into his eyes.

The words came out of my mouth naturally.

Yuno: Happy birthday, Yasuchika.

Yasuchika: …

Yasuchika: — Thank you, Yuno.

Yasuchika’s facial expression when he responded was softer than usual…

…

Yuno: You’re leaving for Kyoto before sunrise?

I was surprised by what Yasuchika said to me as he walked me to the castle’s courtyard.

The moon shone brightly in the night sky.

Yuno: You have quite a strict schedule.

Yasuchika: I may look like this, but I’m a busy man.

(He’s smiling while saying that, but he surely doesn't have enough time to sleep, right…?)

Yuno: I’m sorry for taking up so much of your time until this late. Thank you for keeping me company.

Yasuchika: Don’t say that. You did it because you didn't want me to spend my birthday alone, didn’t you?

Yasuchika: I should be the one thanking you instead.

Yuno: I don’t think so…

(If anything, I think it was because I was being selfish.)

(But…)

Yuno: I’m glad to know you enjoyed your birthday.

Yasuchika’s eyes widened slightly upon hearing my response.

Yasuchika: … You’re still as good natured as ever.

Yuno: Huh? Yasuchik…—?

He closed the distance between us, reaching his hand to the back of my neck and gently pulling me closer.

I felt something soft touch my forehead, and felt Yasuchika’s breath on my bangs.

(Ah…)

Yasuchika: A good luck charm. … For you, the person who’s kind enough to celebrate the day I was born.

Yasuchika: May all your birthdays from now on always be so full of kindness and blessings that they can repel any curse.

Yuno: Yasuchika…

His eyes gazing down at me sparkled mysteriously under the moonlight.

(He looks so… gentle.)

I gazed at him, feeling enchanted by his eyes.

I suddenly caught a glimpse of a pained expression on his face that only lasted a split second…

Yasuchika: See you, Fox Princess.

(Ah…)

The moment I could no longer feel his warmth, my heart filled with an inexplicable feeling of emptiness.

Yasuchika: It’s dark, so be careful while walking. … Go straight inside without looking back.

(Was I mistaken…?)

I nodded at Yasuchika who had his usual unreadable smile and turned to walk towards the castle.

But I ended up defying Yasuchika’s words, and turned around again.

(... Beautiful.)

I watched Yasuchika’s back as he walked out of the castle.

And a small thump echoed deep in my heart—.

[justimagineok]

2:30 series - birthday girl PT 2

Summary: One too sure, the other not that much. One focused on the present, the other too stuck on the past and afraid of the future. Both of them in love with each other.

A/N: as always feedback is always appreciated! feel free to reblog, comment or send me an ask at anytime 😊

part 1

"What is it?"

"What is what?"

"I know you're up to something. Tell me already."

"I'm not up to anything, leave me alone, YN."

"Wanna say that again, looking in my eyes?"

Haru finally gave up on pretending she was scrolling through her phone to look at you. "I'm not up for anything, moron.", she rolled her again, but you could see her eyes blinking a bit too awkward. She was clearly up to something.

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to be mad at me..."

"What did you do, Haru?", you sat up straight.

"I know you don't like to celebrate your birthday, but I didn't want it to let it pass, wide cat...", Haru gave you a smile. Oh.. it was that."You know I don't like it, Haru... there's nothing to celebrate. "

"Of course it has! You're my best friend, YN. That for itself already says a lot. I'm grateful to have you in my life and I admire you a lot, you know that, don't you?"

You only nodded, blushing at her words. Why should you be admired? Why? You didn't understand.

"The members are on their way here.", Haru finally confessed. "We're gonna celebrate at least I bit, and I won't take no for an answer. "

Members? By members, she meant...

"He's not coming, don't worry.", Haru read your face expression, assuring you.

"Oh...", you nodded, giving her a little smile. You were still upset about the whole thing with Jungkook at the hospital, but for a second you thought he would show up somehow. Or sent a text ,or make a call. But he didn't.

Ever since you moved to Seoul, you spent all your birthdays with Jungkook. You hated the whole idea of celebrating the day you were born, but somehow Jungkook tricked you very well these past three years. In your first year, when you guys weren't even dating, he bought you a whole Balenciaga collection. You didn't know what to do with so much clothes and shoes, but he made sure you wouldn't return it, removing all the tags on it. 'I didn't know what to give you, so I just picked everything they had, I'm sorry. '

You tried to assure Jungkook it was too much, and you didn't deserve it, but he didn't bulge.

In your second year with him, your first year of dating, Jungkook woke you up at 00:01 singing you zero o'clock softly. You'd never forget it as long as you live. He also made the whole floor at Hybe sing you happy birthday, which made you blush for the whole day. Jungkook noticed the uncomfortable look in your eyes, but he also noticed the happiness in them. You could deal with a little uncomfortable but happy and he knew that.

The last birthday with Jungkook, your second year of dating, he threw you a birthday party with the members and Haru. You had so much fun.. See everyone there for you. Smiling, drinking, talking, and singing. It was a perfect day.

Haru knew that deep down you wanted Jungkook to be there, but there was nothing she could do at that moment. Nothing but being there for you.

"I’m sorry I can’t do more, wide cat. But happy birthday. You deserve all the happiness in this world, and I hope you get it." You hugged each other for a long time. Good thing you had people like Haru with you. People you could count on. A real family.

It didn't take long for the members to arrive. You could hear their laughter coming from the porch. Even if you hated celebrating your birthday, maybe, maybe, today could be a good day.

"Happy birthday, YN!", Hoseok walked happily to you, hiding his bag behind his back.

"Hobi!! I see you and your gifts! Don't you dare!"

Hoseok laughed as he brought the bag forward. "It's too late now!", he hugged you so tight you were pretty sure a bone or two made a tiny crashing sound. "You deserve the best!"

"Thank you, thank you!", you struggled on his embrace. Hoseok was too kind for this world, you were sure of that. All of them were.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY YN!!", Taehyung came right behind Hoseok, hugging you both. This was becoming a fuss way too fast. Jimin joined the hug too, and you couldn't help but laugh at the whole group hug in motion. Yoongi, Namjoon and Jin watched the scene, smiling.

"Don't pretend you don't wanna join in! C'mon!", you waved to them with your free hand.

"Okay!", Namjoon yelled a little too happy, joining the group hug, followed by Yoongi and Jin. Haru watched the whole thing and took a picture. It was good to see you happy.

"Here, open my present first!”, Taehyung smiled as he handed his bag to you. "I hope you like it, noona."

You opened the bag, reveling the fanciest and most pretty Gucci you have ever seen. "Taehyung...", you looked at him in shock. "I can't accept this!", Taehyung smiles, picking the bag from your hands and removed the bag tag. "Jungkookie said you were gonna say this. No refunds, noona."

Jimin was next, handing you the LV bag and offering you a warm hug. "thank you for being born, YN. the world wouldn't be this bright without you, you know?"

One by one, each of them hugged you again, handing over the presents. There was no lying: for a moment you expected one of them to say that Jungkook wished you happy birthday, but none of them said anything.

“I wasn’t expecting this for my birthday,” your voice trembled, emotional. "Thank you so much, guys.. I really loved it. Thank you, Haru... I have no way of thanking you, ever. Thank you so much. "

Lunch and the afternoon flew by as you guys spent the afternoon singing at Haru's karaoke, eating, drinking and teasing Yoongi to show him where he got his 7 tattoo, but he refused at all costs. Jin and Haru sat together at one point, laughing and kissing, and you couldn't be happier. It turned out that she had a crush on Taehyung at first, ended up falling in love with Seokjin. They matched SO MUCH. Even the way they scolded the rest of you matched. Perfect combination.

"Can I talk to you for a second?", Yoongi whispered to you, while the others were entertained by Haru's stories. "Sure!"

he shyly handed you a small envelope, signaling you not to show it to anyone else.

"He asked me to give you this."

You picked up the envelope and immediately recognized Jungkook's handwriting, which he signed just 'Kook', on the cover of the envelope.

"I thought he forgot.."

Yoongi scratched his head in embarrassment. "He kind of did. Just a little.", he offered you a kind smile. "I know he was a jerk and said terrible things to you, but you should've seen the look on his face when we told him it was his birthday... He was devastated."

You just waved. So he really had forgotten.

You went to your room and closed the door. When opening the envelope, there were two papers. One with a lettering and a letter.

The lettering read: "I'm sorry for speaking without using my (very tiny) brain"

You couldn't help but smile. It was really something that suited Jungkook.

The letter said:

"Dear YN,

I wanna start by saying I'm sorry for not being there right now. It's my fault and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I forgot... I'm sorry for everything and when I say I'm deeply sorry  I'm not saying it lightly. I'm sorry I took you for granted. I just wanted to say how much you mean to me and how proud I am of you. Happiest birthday to the girl who escalates my heartbeats from 0 to 200 in a second, even after all these years. I know you don't like to celebrate your birthday, but I’m so glad you were born, because you brighten my life, YN. You really do. I wanna apologize again in person if you let me, so if you could unblock me, we can meet whenever you want.  I can wait. I hope all your wishes come true.

You were a great girlfriend.

You are an amazing woman.

You are my best friend.

You are very pretty.

I love you 3000.

Happy Birthday.

(sorry for the lame card. I draw it in the last time. Sorry I forgot it. my hyungs are mad that im taking too long to write so i have to go. take care and unblock me if you can. I really wanna talk to you.)" - Kook

At the end of the day, the members said goodbye and left, wishing you happy birthday again. You and Haru lay down on the sofas in the living room staring at the ceiling and still dizzy from the amount of Soju you drank. Haru had a tolerance for alcohol that you hadn't seen in anyone else.

"Can I ask you something, wide cat?", Haru asked a little too quietly, and you felt that whatever the question was, you wouldn't like.

"Sure. What is it?"

"Did you want him to come today?", she mumbled, turning her head to look at you.

"Hmm... For a minute I thought he was coming... "you took a deep breath ."I'm still  fucking offended  by the way Kook treated me that day, and I know I must sound like an idiot for saying this, but I stil wanted him here with me. And finding out he forgot didn't help the situation at all."

Haru nodded, looking at the ceiling again..

"Can I say something I'm pretty sure I'll regret later?"

You turned to look at her, but she didn't take her eyes off the ceiling. "what is it?"

"You know I'm not his biggest fan, but I can't deny that it's impossible to deny that he cares about you a lot. It sucks that he forgot your birthday and it sucks even bigger that he treated you like that in the hospital, but knowing only a little bit of the way Jungkook is... I don't know.. I completely understand that you don't want to see him after all, BUT don't you think you two should talk? Even though I'm not Jungkook's biggest fan, even a blind man can see that he loves you, YN. I don't want to be devil's advocate or anything, but you know I have a good sense for these things. I don't know... think about it. If you wanted him here, maybe there's still water under that bridge."

Haru's phone rang and she answered it and by the stupid laugh she gave, you knew who it was.

You sat down on the sofa with difficulty and waved at her, informing her that you were going to your room. Haru just waved back, too busy with whatever Jin was saying to her.

Maybe she was right.

earlier on that day...

[kofu-division]

"the bird who born caged think flying is a sickness"

Introduction

Kei Himeno also know by his moniker Briar Rose is a novelist and the second member of Kõfu's division team Diabolik Night

At first glance this serious and misterious novelist could be consider as the opposite of the joy and eccentric Reiji but under the surface he's equal or a bit more manipulative than him and is who Reiji trust to reseach his goals

But some knowed only for certain people is his past as a servant for the family Chōten where he suffered distint type of abuses that, luckily not affected him very much at least not in a physical sent so was a huge shock for the upper class to see him again on a gathering in Aoyama, this time as a famous novelist and member of the Enjouji family

Another hiding thing from others is that he's also looking for someone,neither Reiji or Ayame knows who because Kei deny to talk about it and only call that person "his light"

Kei is a fair skinned youngman of a height a bit shorter than Eichi with greyish green hair to the shoulders with some down locks held by a diamond hairpin and a single curl falling to his chest,his eyes has long eyelashes and a color unusual being segmentaries,with the low part of emerald green and the upper part of his eyes being gold yellow. he also use black glasses and red lipgloss but the most llamative is the scard on his left eye

His mainly outfit consist of a black shirt that shows his clavicle and a gray jacket with gold details and a pin with a broken heart,his lower body is covered by black dress pants and black heeled boots

Aliases

Briar Rose (Author name)

"Sleeping Beauty" (by Reiji,by himself)

"caged bird" (by himself)

Slave

Biographical info

Gender-male

Age-22

Birthday-february 4

Ethnicity-japanese

Hair color-greyish green

Eye color-emeral green/gold yellow

Height-174 cm/5'8

Star sign-aquarius

Piercings-a pearl earring on both of his ears

Markings-scratch scars on his left eye,tattoo of thorns around his legs

Family

Biológical father (alive)

Biológical mother (desceased)

Younger sister (desceased)

Voiced by- WOO/Seong Hyunwoo (rapping)

Fun facs

MC name:Briar Rose

Occupation:novelist

Division:Kõfu

Team:Diabolik Night

Position:2th member

Favorite food:oyakodon

Least favorite food:tomato

Likes: writing, naps,gardens,peace moments,his thorns, forests,chess,fire

Dislikes: Reiji's teases, Chōten family,Aoyama city,be called as "Chōten's servant/slave", his scar, feel cold

Hypnosis microphone

Kei's hypnosis microphone takes the form of a ribbon mic made of pink quartz,the microphone has thorns around with a red rose on the windscreen

Kei's speakers takes the form of a medieval castle that look alike the typical fairytale castle,made of grey stone and with conical towers but with thorn vines around it,the among the vines there are rose bushes and when Kei starts to rap "blooms" revealing circular speakers inside of the roses

Kei's rap themes are around his freedom,how happy he is with his current life and freedom,he also make references to birds and call himself a "caged bird" and also make references to fairytales (especially the sleeping beauty)

Kei's rap ability it's called "sweet dream", with his ability Kei rap some verses who make his opponents "sleep" although it's more a trance

His rap can be darker when Kei rap about his "war crimes" as "Reiji's right hand" and all his manipulations he do until today,his verses are also around his hates for the family that "made him a slave" and the abuse suffered by they hands and talk about a his special one as "a light who gived him hope" and how Kei will looking for "his light's love"

Personality

Kei well could be called Reiji's complete opposite,foccused,calm and earnest

Another opposite beetwen them is the fact that Kei thinks carefully on his actions and manipulations and he actually feel dislike for how Reiji often do and manipulate following a "easy path" that's almost always is the most cold-blooded (although Kei don't deny the entertaiment) and although he's also manipulative isn't completely indifferent to the aftermaths of his own actions

Although he will to deny it, Kei in the deep is quite romantic but after years of abuse and be treated as a servant (and even abused) he don't know how express that part of him talking so he do it writing, although his romantic novels are often "darkers" than normal saccharine books in reflect of his twisted point of view about love

About that, Kei knows about love but not exactly a good type,things like have a abusive biológical family who not minded his sister death, and they in a moment basically sell him to the Chōten family,to be used as a servant -practically a slave- left him with a distortioned and twisted point of view about love, so he have weakness with people who treat him in a nice and warmth way

That part of him also did Kei was protective of that people,if someone hurt them he don't have mercy,manipulating and even hurting all with the goal of ruin their lives with no regret

Trivia

Kei's novels are "dark romance" books that sometimes are supernatural but besides the part of "dark" his novels shows erotic plots and the love interest is often a type of yandere

Kei is considered as "Reiji's right hand"

Kei's Author/MC name and his speakers make references to the fairytale "the sleeping beauty"

Although the abuse he suffered by Chōten family he don't feel dislike for Tomi or Kunio Chōten and even now Kei still calling them "masters"

Beetwen his teammates Kei is the most reservate about his darling, neither Reiji or Ayame knows anything about them,not their name or if is man or woman

Although Kei deny it,he feel fascination for fire but not for pyromania, that fascination towards it his a coping mechanism to his sister who death freezed

Besides that,how Kei was freezing by her side, since the accident Kei always feel cold but is a more psychological sensation

Not, Kunio is not kei's darling, sorry if that if is dissapointing

[hollyhomburg]

Hi Li!!

I want to wish you a happy birthday!! I don't remember what day it is, but i know it's this week, so I'm just going to wish you!! (Fyi lots of my favorite people are born this week. It's a good week). I haven't been able to read the last two chapters of Bily sadly because chronic pain has robbed my attention span, among other things. But once i get it back, I can't wait to read it. It's extra sad for me bc in addition to loving your story, i also really love reading your asks and reblogs, but I'm having to scroll past them 😭

Anyway, sorry I'm rambling but i hope you have a great birthday and you enjoy yourself bc you deserve it!! 🫶🏼

ahhhhh thank you <3 it's not until sunday! it's libra week/month 🥰 i also have a lot of people in my life with birthdays this week! my grandma is the 21st, my cousin is the 18th, i'm the 15th but i actually share it with my other cousin, and then!!! they'res minnie today/yesterday!!!

please read the chapters on your own time! the enjoyment in the chapters you have yet to read isn't going anywhere and i understand your need to save it for when you need it <3 the same way i often leave responding to asks for the moment i need to feel less alone!

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3350

today is my birthday!

i turned 31 this morning at 8:20am.

according to tradition, i took that minute to screech as i am allowed my annual birthday screech during the minute i was born. i am very proud of the static noise i made that confused the absolute shit out of my coworkers.

when i got into work this morning, meredith surprised me with my starbucks order and a cake pop 🥹 she's such a sweetheart and she's so kind and fun and i just adore her. i want to keep her as my daughter. at the end of the shift, artemisa brought me a gift in the form of a fancy notebook and a bag of kit kats, without having the knowledge that i hoard notebooks AND that i love kit kats. the girl is psychic. she needs to give herself more credit.

i just adore the both of them. so much.

so many people wished me a happy birthday! it was so nice. i have also partly gotten past the hesitancy of telling people it's my birthday, so maybe next year i'll be able to tell people "hey! it's my birthday!" wouldn't that be fun??? it's kind of cool.

i like birthdays.

they're here to remind us of our humanity and our growth from day to day, month to month, year to year. 21-year-old me had no clue what this would feel like. had no idea what having my depression under control was like. had no idea that i had, never mind could be treated for, adhd. had no idea i was autistic. had no idea i wasn't a girl all the time. had no idea the depth of the trauma she had and had no idea the joy that comes with recovery. the pride that comes with overcoming issues inside despite external forces.

31-year-old me is far different. she knows what all of that is like. she knows what unconditional love actually is. she can stand up for herself and others. can make jokes and not be afraid to be herself. is comfortable being only autistic and not masking in places where she doesn't have to. is in a secure relationship with someone who loves her for who she is, not for what she can do for them. has friends who are the same. has another place to call "home" where she doesn't have to worry about "overstaying her welcome," as linda would put it. is happy to have a place where people like her. takes on responsibilities because she knows her limits. finished not one, not two, but three degrees. got a big girl job in the city that she loves. is working through trauma and mental blocks and works daily on getting through them. doesn't sleep enough, but is more excited to go to work than she ever has been before.

31-year-old me is happy.

and that's saying a lot.

when i started keeping track nine years ago (HOLY SHIT), i didn't know any of that. i didn't know what any of that felt like. but those of you who have been here or those who had read any of these posts know that the journey to get to this point has been riddled with pain and suffering. but every time something happens, i don't let it beat me. i keep getting up. i keep moving forward. i straighten my spine and stand up tall, and 8 keep going.

resiliency and confidence like that have been very hard lessons for me to learn. i've always been soft hearted. thin-skinned, too. a pushover. someone who was easy to take advantage of.

but now, if you ask my coworkers and my bosses, you'll see a portrait of a very different person who is confident and competent in everything she does. i stand up for what i need and what others need. i have gotten better at thinking on my feet and rapidly synthesizing solutions. it's good for my job. but it's good for my mental health, too.

as i make my way another year into my fourth decade here on this planet that is catching on fire, i can be confident knowing that i'll be even more different in another ten years, so much so that despite looking the same since i was 14, i will be a much different person.

and yes, i have looked the same since i was 14, except for changes in hair and glasses. face shape, smile, crinkles, details, all of them. copy and paste.

(no wonder i get asked if i'm old enough to drink all the time.)

anyway, i'm happy. it's been a good day. i love my coworkers. i love joel's friend. i love joel's family. and i love joel so much. i love my friends, and i'm grateful for those who have helped me find community here.

i love you guys. i'm tired. it's time for bed.

[thepastisalreadywritten]

Today is the 117th birthday of the world’s oldest living person, Maria Branyas Morera.

Maria was born on 4 March 1907 in San Francisco, USA, but returned to Spain with her family when she was eight to settle in Catalonia.

She's lived in the region ever since and has resided in the same nursing home for the past 23 years.

She became the oldest person on Earth in January 2023, following the death of 118-year-old Lucile Randon (France).

"She is very grateful for all the congratulations received and the interest that so many people have shown in her state of health," said Eva Carrera Boix, the director of Maria's nursing home.

"She is happy to be able to celebrate this special day intimately with her family and colleagues and wishes everyone a happy Monday."

Beyond being hard of hearing and having mobility issues, Maria has no physical or mental health problems.

In fact, she's in such good condition that she has agreed to undergo scientific testing by researchers who hope to gain further insight into the secrets to long life.

Scientist Manel Esteller, who has conversed with Maria at length, told Spanish outlet ABC:

“She has a completely lucid head. She remembers with impressive clarity events from when she was only four years old, and she does not present any cardiovascular disease, common in elderly people.

It is clear that there is a genetic component because there are several members of her family who are over 90 years old.”

Samples of Maria’s saliva, blood and urine have been taken and will be compared with those of her 80-year-old daughter.

The researchers hope that assessing Maria’s genes will aid the development of drugs which could combat diseases associated with ageing.

Befitting her status as the world’s oldest person in the digital age, Maria is active on X (formerly known as Twitter) with assistance from her daughter.

Her bio states: “I'm old, very old, but not an idiot.”

In addition to “luck and good genetics,” Maria attributes her longevity to “order, tranquility, good connection with family and friends, contact with nature, emotional stability, no worries, no regrets, lots of positivity, and staying away from toxic people.”

Due to her poor hearing, Maria's family use a voice-to-text device to communicate with her.

She became permanently deaf in one ear when she was a child, after falling while playing with her brothers during the voyage from America to Spain in 1915.

This wasn’t the only misfortune the family suffered aboard the ship – Maria’s father sadly died due to pulmonary tuberculosis towards the end of the journey.

Maria lived through the Spanish Flu pandemic of 1918 as well as the Spanish Civil War (1936–1939), which she said she has “very bad memories” of.

She got married in 1931 to a Catalan doctor named Joan Moret, with whom she had three children.

Her husband passed away in 1976; she has also outlived her only son, August, who died in a tractor accident at the age of 86.

Over a century after the 1918 pandemic, Maria also survived COVID-19.

She contracted the virus a few weeks after turning 113 in 2020 but made a full recovery within days, becoming the world’s oldest COVID-19 survivor.

The title was taken later in the year by Lucile Randon, who was three years older than Maria.

Despite admitting that she’s “getting closer and closer to death” in a post on X last month, Maria maintains a positive outlook on life and believes that there is always something new to learn every day, even at her grand old age.

She is now the 12th oldest verified person in history and should she reach her 118th birthday, she’ll climb up to 5th place.

The oldest person ever authenticated was Frenchwoman Jeanne Calment, who lived to the age of 122 years 164 days.

Source: Guinness World Records

Celebrating the World's Oldest Person: Maria Branyas Morera's 117th Milestone

5 March 2024

From surviving global pandemics to outliving generations, Maria’s journey is a testament to longevity and resilience.

[fang-and-feather]

Tune of Love

Ikemen Vampire - Mozart/OC

Mozart's girlfriend decides to be the one to play a song for him on his birthday.

This is a little something I pulled up at last minute to celebrate Mozart's birthday. (really last minute, because it is nearly midnight where I live)

AO3 Version / IkeVamp Masterlist / General Masterlist

Mozart closed his eyes, focusing on the music and the joy it brought him.

He wasn’t used to being the one listening to someone else play, nor to just allow himself to enjoy it. But there he was, listening to his girlfriend’s sweet voice, accompanied by the gentle sound of the violin, and it was probably the best performance he’d ever listened to.

And not because he loved her and she was playing it especially for him. Amy was actually more talented at playing than he expected when she brought the idea up.

But what he enjoyed the most was that she chose a romantic song from her time that she had never played in front of another person and with lyrics especially chosen for this special moment between them, and, for once, there was emotion in what she was singing.

He’d listened to her in the past, of course. It was Amy’s habit to start singing during random tasks, but, although her voice was melodious, like a bird born to sing, Mozart always thought she was detached from her music.

To him, though, she sang with heart and soul. It wasn’t just music anymore; it was feelings given voice, even if the words were her own.

And being a song from the future, played to him, who could probably learn it from that single performance. It was like a special secret between the two of them.

When the song ended, both opened their eyes, gaze meeting each other’s. Amy blushed and gave him a little playful bow and a shy smile.

“I am a little out of practice.” She muttered, looking away. It sounded like an excuse.

“It didn’t sound out of practice.” Mozart stood up and crossed the room to stand before her, cradling her chin so she would look at him. “And even if it did, never put your efforts down like this.” He sighed in exasperation, but when her blush intensified, Mozart couldn’t fight a little smile forming on his lips.

Amy acted so confident in front of other people. He was the only one allowed to see her true self, and that alone made him happy, even if, sometimes, he wished part of that confidence was real and she did not downplay her abilities like that.

“Well, it is your birthday, so I wanted to do my best for you.”

The violin was carefully set aside, and Amy stood up. Mozart’s hand had never left her face and, when she was standing, his other arm looped around her waist as he pulled her in for a kiss.

“Thank you for the wonderful performance, Meine Liebe.” And for everything else. She had put so much effort into celebrating his birthday and it made him happy to know how much she valued him.

“It was my pleasure.” This time, she was the one to kiss him. At first a couple or little pecks, before she deepened it. Mozart could feel the tension and hesitation in her touch, but the passion was there and his heart was beating so fast he felt like it could burst. He wanted nothing more than to take her to bed right away and was surprised when her next words echoed his thoughts. “But today is not over yet and neither is our private celebration.”

That sudden confidence was also surprising, but Mozart couldn’t say he disliked it.

Maybe he was greedy for wanting more of her after everything, but he didn’t mind. When she pulled away and looked at him with her flushed cheeks and shining eyes, he wouldn’t be able to let it end there, even if he wanted. Not while Amy looked so adorable, and then kissed him the way she did. But having her bring it up when she was usually very shy made him even happier.

“Good. Because you are the only gift I want right now.”

Mozart picked his girlfriend up and kissed her while carrying her to bed, to make her sing a different kind of song for him.

IkeVamp Masterlist / General Masterlist

[thedept]

To show the counterargument to the celebratory birthday socks post, for the past few years I've actively disliked my birthday.

I've historically enjoyed it and liked to celebrate with friends and family. My mother was great at birthdays, she loved them, and once I was an adult and living out of her house she prided herself on always being the first person to wish me a happy birthday each year. I'd roll my eyes, but of course secretly loved it.

With her being gone, this now my 3rd birthday since she died, I find it hard. My family are wonderful and my son in particular loves to celebrate people on their birthdays (we are not allowed to have any extended family birthdays -- grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins -- pass without a FaceTime call from us when they're doing candles & cake), but I find it so wildly overwhelming, in a drag you down sort of way. I've known why of course but struggled putting it into actual words besides "my mom's dead" until yesterday, when my wife & I spent a couple of hours alone in a bar (thanks, kid's friend's mom who hosts dropoff gaming playdates!). After a few drinks I found them: it's the knowledge that that early morning phone call will never come again.

(The actual irony of the call is that for the last few years she was alive, basically since my son was born, she had pulled back. I don't think it was jealousy of my wife and son, maybe a touch of competitiveness, but mostly I think she wanted to let them be first and she always had this weird boomer vision of us lazy Gen X'ers sleeping the day away, so sometimes I wouldn't even hear from her in my birthday until late afternoon or evening.)

Anyway, I find today & the few days leading into it to be a weird combination of very sad & depressing (boo, dead mom), but also fun (yay, I'm truly touched when people remember and love the acknowledgment + my kid's reactions to birthdays are the best).

I did buy $13 worth of scratch-off lottery tickets (total arbitrary number) though and won $31, so at least I have that.

[whentherewerebicycles]

morning with the pups. I have a headache from crying but I bought myself a small treat (orange scone from panera) and managed to get some good work done this morning. I will be honest I feel Bad still but am trying to ground myself so I don’t spiral off into the deep despair again.

here are five small positive things:

I am being actively befriended by this very gruff middle-aged women’s studies faculty member who was on my search committee. I thought she hated me for the entire Zoom interview and the first seven hours of the campus visit but then in the last hour of the visit it suddenly became apparent that she liked me a great deal and just has a very brusque no-nonsense demeanor. we have been emailing back and forth all morning about this faculty pedagogy fellowship she’s leading and I think we are going to co-teach a couple workshops together. also we’re going to start going on walks together because we live so close. it’s nice to be befriended! and it’s nice to think about work as a place where I could build more friendships, especially with people who are there for the long haul.

my best friend lives so close to me now 😭 it was nice to break up the crying jags last night by going over to see her.

I’m genuinely excited to be an aunt. there is a lot of pain around it too and it is going to take some time to work through that but it will be so nice to have a baby in the family. also I am requesting nicely of the universe that if my brother & sister-in-law MUST have a baby before I do, please let the baby to be born on my birthday so we will have a special aunt/niece or nephew bond forever. I do not think this is too much to ask. ugh my heart hurts a lot but I am being brave about it.

last year I wrote a long letter of rec for my old boss/beloved grad advisor for this major mentoring and leadership award she was up for. she won the award and I guess they sent her the file with the letters attached. anyway she sent me a box of woolf & vita sackville-west books, a beautiful handmade glass vase, and a long letter where she said my rec letter made her cry and cry. it was really nice to hear from her—she’s been dealing with really scary long covid health issues since early 2020 and there was a period of time where she was in and out of the hospital so often with such serious issues I thought she might die. she is doing better now though and she says she’s retiring this year, which will be a huge loss to the university but I hope good for her. idk I was happy to hear from her and it was nice to get a surprise package of books (with more on the way, apparently).

oh friends. to quote that tumblr meme from the other day, they should invent a way out that isn’t through. I just don’t want to do the soul-work of trying to break down this grief and metabolize it and integrate it into my sense of self all over again. I’m just sad, you know? I’m sad and I’m tired of feeling sad, I want to feel otherwise, but it’s exhausting to think about clawing my way through these feelings again. I want to be on the other side of this experience and I thought I was there but I see now that I’m not, or maybe that the grief and painful agonizing uncertainty about future losses is going to keep surging back every time something reopens the wound. I feel like I’ve spent the past seven weeks swimming so hard for shore, and I’d finally managed to haul my exhausted self up onto the beach only for a massive tidal wave to crash down over me and pull me back out to sea. and I know it is just the start. liz will be pregnant soon and my SIL will have the baby and people in my social circles will continue to post their pregnancy announcements online and ugh. ugh. I just have this hugely selfish wish that everyone would hold off for like six more months so I could crawl a little further inland before the next wave hits. this is not a positive thing from the day but I can’t quite wrangle myself into feeling gratitude for all the good things in my life today. I think I’m just going to be treading water for a while.

[viridescent-lance]

TOA Anniversary Munday!

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

tagging whoever wants to do this!

Name: Pat Gem! Patrick is the full name but Pat is what I go by most often in this group.

Pronouns: he/they

Birthday (no year): September 15! Same as my beloved kitty Cassie.

Where are you from? What is your time zone?: I'm from California, PST! I was born in the Bay Area, moved to Alabama where I spent ten years as a kid, and moved back to California. That's the truncated version.

Roleplay experience: I started roleplaying on the Warrior Cats Forums in like...2010, I think? I also did private Skype rps with my best friend at the time. This lasted for 3-4 years until both fizzled out around the same time. I have some experience doing group nuzlocke rp on the nuzforums, but that also didn't last as long as I'd like. Other than some ttrpgs, I had a dry spell, and in 2019 I joined a Friends at the Table tumblr RP that would change my life. There I met Maddie and some other friends, and while the rp wasn't super active after I joined it, Maddie and I started doing rp ourselves! Finally, in late 2021, Lucius invited Maddie to TOA and I also got the invite and tagged along.

Got any pets?: Yep! Cassie and Oreo, my beloveds! Both cats, Cassie is the one with a hairdo and she's almost 4, Oreo's a year and a half and a tuxy baby.

Favorite time of year: I love when it is nice and cool but not too cold. Fall is my favorite season, personally, but really I especially enjoy not sweating to death.

Some interests and things you like: I'm a huge Pokemon fan, which I'll elaborate on later. Here though I'll say that I have a huge interest in competitive Pokemon, both singles and the official VGC circuit. I'm a big TTRPG guy! I have a lot of systems and games I like but I'll single out Fall of Magic, Jenna Moran games, the Forged in the Dark system, the Belonging Outside Belonging system, and It's Been A Long Long Time! I have an interest in speedrunning, I watch a lot of videos about it and it's fun. I love Discworld, the Terry Pratchett series. Tales of Vesperia is a game of all time. Yuri Lowell your problems disorders. Ace Attorney helped mold me as a person. Warrior cats will forever live in my heart. Bionicle also helped make me the guy I am today. 999 is a visual novel of all time. Play it and do not look it up. I actually have a huge interest in media analysis, it's something I really really enjoy talking about and researching. Splatoon my beloved. Octopath Traveler 1 and 2! I love birds and bats and lots of animals! Okay I'm running out of steam and also this is very long so I'll just stop here but there's definitely things I am forgetting.

Some funfacts & trivia about you: - I'm a library and women's and gender studies student, and hope to some day work as a librarian! For now, I'm an afterschool program associate, and I love working with the kids. - I have met Nancy Pelosi while wearing a Pokemon button up. - I've survived a tornado that started above my house. - I have finished 34 nuzlockes. - Marth was one of my first smash mains but I didn't get into Fire Emblem for years. - I have the cilantro soap gene but I like the taste of soap. - I'm physically disabled and use a cane irl! - My girlfriend used to have me blocked on Twitter. - I've made it to playoffs every single Pokemon draft league I've been in but never made it past semifinals - I was very isolated as a kid and rarely left the house. As a result, I learned my vocabulary mostly from books, as well as how I talk and emote from books and shows. I've been told I talk and act like a cartoon character, which I suppose is fair!

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play?: I play a bunch of Splatoon, probably one of the main games I play! It's very fun, and I'm a Sploosh/Custom Jr/Tentatek triple threat main who constantly hovers around S. Octopath Traveler 1 and 2 have me grabbed so hard. I am hopelessly a Pokemon guy. I play nuzlockes, casually, and competitively, and I have almost every single Pokemon and its learnset and viable competitive learnsets memorized. I am very normal about it. I also really love the Zero Escape series. I've been playing the warrior cats procgen sim ClanGen recently. I used to play a bunch of No Man's Sky, want to get back into that soon. Honestly I struggle to consistently play and finish games, and I've been trying to work on that.

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: Bug; Flygon. Yes, you can combine these two to get the logical conclusion: Flygon should have been a Bug/Dragon type! It's based off the life cycle of a lacewing!!

How did you get into Fire Emblem?: I've got two stories here, one of how I almost got into Fire Emblem and how it got on my radar, and the other being how I finally got into it for real. So, in 9th grade, I had a crush on a boy who played Awakening at lunch every day. I'd talk with him and he actually offered to buy me Awakening, but I, one of the only poor kids in a rich school, was flabbergasted he would spent 40 dollars on me and felt guilty and was like are you sure? And he was like well okay if you don't want me to. I kind of wish I'd taken him up on the offer because he sucked as a person and his family was super rich but oh well. I then played the hell out of the demo. Flash forward to 2019. I'm scrolling twitter and see a friend of mine is streaming Fire Emblem Three Houses. I've seen it before, and it seems pretty fun. A lot of my friends like Fire Emblem. I watch the stream and fall in love with the characters and style of the game, and I impulse buy Three Houses. I then tell Maddie and sell them on Three Houses. Thus, it begun...

What Fire Emblem games have you played?: This is a fun and complicated question for me to answer because if you count me backseating Maddie, it's some of fe4, most of fe7, fe8, fe9, fe10, over half of fe13, some fe14, fe15, and fe16. If it's just me, that shrinks down to some fe7 and fe8, some fe9, over half of fe13, some fe15, and some fe16. I was an active participant in watching the games so it feels like a smidgen of playing them but not quite?

First Fire Emblem game: Either the Awakening demo or Three Houses.

Favorite Fire Emblem game: Shadows of Valentia, Sacred Stones, and the Tellius duology. Hard to specify a single favorite, especially depending on what we are defining favorite as.

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳 : Where do I begin. I mean Lukas is like, perhaps one of my strongest ones. Though I'm also smitten with Forsyth and attracted to Python despite him being terrible boyfriend material. Recently I have been making eyes at Legault in Blazing Blade, and also playing Fates for the first time had me really surprised at how much Setsuna charmed me. Uhhh lemme think also. Christ Kent your problems disorders bewitch me. Claude you are my everything I will do anything for you. Shamir also if we are talking 3h, what a gal. Ranulf my beloved, he's got things together and he's playful and teasing and just has a great personality. Also Titania...pretty and strong and cool and just a fantastic character who I would not object to kissing on the mouth. I think i might stop here because if I keep going I am going to just take you on a tour of my numerous Fire Emblem crush tastes.

If you’ve played the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays? - Awakening: Panne; I'd also S support Libra or Say'ri. I need to mention that my first awakening playthrough was in 2020 though so if I'd gotten it in 2013 like I almost did I'd probably have gotten married to like...Libra if I waited that long, Chrom if I messed up and got automarried, or like. Stahl or something bc he's really nice and a knight. - Fates: I have not S supported anyone in Fates yet but Setsuna and Silas I am Looking. - Three Houses: I actually never have S supported anyone in Three Houses, as I never actually finished my personal playthrough! However, my big choices are Shamir and Claude, though w the latter I just pretend that's me bc I don't do teacher/student. - Engage: Not enough experience to say who I might S support. Will get back to you.

Favorite Fire Emblem class: Do laguz/taguel/manakete count. I'm also weak for archers I shan't lie.

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class?: Oh I know I'd be one of those frail little mages who has explosive firepower and waning physical ability. Honestly being that but on a wyvern would be fun. My good friend my mobility wyvern.

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation?: Golden Deer 4ever baybee not even close.

If you were an Engage character, which Emblem would you Engage with?: I'll get back to this, I'm not sure if I have the info I need to make an informed choice. My first thought is that I would love to have Ike chilling with me though, Ike my good friend Ike.

How did you find TOA?: Lucius invited Maddie, and Maddie invited me! I was roleplaying Forsyth with Maddie's Python 1on1 at the time and the idea of a group RP was very appealing to me, despite me being swamped with work and school and health issues at the time. I'm so glad I made the leap!

Current TOA muses: Forsyth and Leanne!

Who was your first TOA muse? If you don’t have them anymore, could you see yourself picking them up again?: Forsyth! I don't see myself dropping him unless his narrative here is done, really.

Have you had any other TOA muses?: Oh Ranulf...I had a very fun time with him, but I just was not in the state to handle three muses and having two muses has been much more manageable, so he's probably not coming back for a while.

Do you think you have a type of character you gravitate towards?: I tend to write very earnest characters, especially in a group RP setting. I've pushed my comfort zone before, but characters who express themselves very openly and intensely are my bread and butter. Characters who wear their hearts on their sleeves, for better or worse.

What do you believe you enjoy writing the most?: Hard to say, but honestly I really enjoy writing relationships, and the ways in which they shift and change over time. I really like character-focused writing the most, emotions and thoughts and such, and exploring the connections between characters! This feels like a silly answer, but it's what I'm feeling!

Favorite TOA-related memory: Oh man this is a hard one. Hard to choose so I'll just pick one that came to mind which is Leanne and Vaida's bizarre adventure in Queen's Compass. What a good event that was, blows a kiss to the sky for Zyra. I'm also a huge fan of everything involving Forsyth's Jugdral meddling and the narrative impact of his deaths in KKE. There are so many funny little experiences and memories that stick with me forever, really.

How do you pronounce TOA? 🤔: Tee-oh-ay! Pronouncing it as a word is the same as Toa from Bionicle and to keep them distinct in my mind I sound it out.

Got any delusions that didn’t see the light of day that you’d like to share? 😉: The world if I could handle three muses...Legault scratching at my door. Ranulf also scratching at my door. Blows a kiss to the guys I would enjoy playing but don't have the time and energy for.

[bsd-cherish-official]

So, it’s October 20th — a date that as far as this blog and especially Cherish’s author and first artist is concerned, is practically some sort of international holiday.

I wanted to have something much more substantial than these two tiny rough sketches out by the time the date rolled around, but as you all know, I’ve been quite busy with all the Cherish content I’ve been wanting to release for this month, so this is the best I can do for the moment, until I have the time to more properly clean them up and color them.

There’s a whole lot that I could say on a day like this — a lot of thoughts in my head just itching to find their way out onto the post, but I think that saying some of it would be a bit premature without first lining up all my proverbial ducks in a row, and I want to keep this post mostly lighthearted, anyway.

So…for now let me say this.

In the past I’ve made posts talking about how just precious and irreplaceable of a character BSD Arthur is, of his sweetness, of his kindness, of his gentleness and selflessness, and how dearly I love him and am glad he came to exist through the series.

All of this could not be more true, and I think that my intense interest and love and respect for him as a character still — all these five years and seven plus months later from the day I learned of him — should speak volumes about just how unique and incredible of character he is, despite his confinement to mostly only two light novels in official canon.

He is a wellspring from which my blog was primarily born and on which it still runs today, with no sign of drying up — a topic I could continue to talk of for ages.

…And yet, I would also be remiss not to mention the real life 19th Century poet of the same name upon which he was heavily and inseparably based, and to which we owe the entirety of his existence.

I had said once in passing that I wished a happy birthday to the tragic disaster of a human being that was him, but in hindsight, I don’t think that such words carry even half the weight that I wish to evoke when I say that I want to celebrate his birthday, too.

I know that a lot of people when they talk about BSD will wish the irl namesakes of their favorite characters a happy birthday, and I feel like my well wishes in the past also came off in this same way as many of them mean it: “Here’s an obligatory celebration of your existence because without you, this character couldn’t have been”…but the thing is, that in no way sums up how I feel about the situation at all.

Maybe, in the early days of my research into the author, it might have been like that, but it is not anymore. And it is not just as a poet, but most especially as a human being, that I wish to see and partake in Arthur’s birthday celebrated.

My lengthy and dedicated research over the years has taught me that at heart and in truth he was actually not this heartless, needlessly cold, absurdly cruel and gratuitously offensive, irredeemable little shit “everyone would hate if we met him today” that we see sensationalized in the various forms of media and clickbait articles, but rather, just a deeply troubled teenager who from a very young age continuously suffered through some of the worst shit imaginable, surrounded by terrible people and circumstances in a time where he quite frankly didn’t belong and in which the odds of his chances at finding genuine happiness and peace were almost nil from birth. Yes, he made many mistakes and sometimes did things that were definitely not quite right — he was absolutely as flawed a human being as you or I, but not more flawed, not evil. Once he broke free from the people who made his life hell, he became a perfectly decent and average — though withdrawn, emotionally devastated, and creatively burnt out and defeated — adult.

And it is to him — the tortured soul who yearned for more than the unlucky cards he was dealt, who dared to dream but whose dreams burnt up in the atmosphere and left him just a shadow quietly navigating the world he didn’t want to live in until his premature death — that I reach out to today, and on every day and every time that I write Cherish.

If I could reach out to the past and just give him a hug, tell him that he and his works are loved and heard and remembered by people that will not be born for decades — even centuries — after he has passed, and that he is not alone, then I would in a heartbeat. But since I cannot, all of this will just have to be enough.

Happy Birthday, Arthur Rimbaud. Both you and your BSD self. I’m so far beyond glad that you were born.