#I can't remember the last time I drew so much and it feels great | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angriel · 2 years

Text

Eywa's Chance: Fralo Pt. 7 (End)

Fralo - [ˈfɾa.lo] adv. every time, every instance, each time

Warning: Widowed! Jake Sully, Warrior! Reader, Sexual Themes (will put signs), Angst, Absolutely Ass Writing, 17+, Violence, War, Chaos, Peace. Skypeople reader, Jake x Reader, Mentions of killing someone, curse words!

"Eywa Ngahu Fralo" you heard someone said as you drifted off to sleep.

»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●»●«●

You were standing alone in a middle of something you don't know but all you see was white, You have no idea how long you're here and it seems that you've forgotten who you're. But it doesn't matter as you felt peace by your own company, You don't know why but you feel the urge to wake up, and it is strange for you because you know you're awake.

You can't describe the feeling that tugs in your heart, you feel someone emerged from behind you, you saw a tall blue female alien and it smiled at you. You subconsciously smiled and waved, you stopped waving and thought to yourself why you felt safe with her even though she was much bigger than you.

"You don't have to remember me, Ma (Y/n) I was sent by Eywa to help you. You need to remember who you are (Y/n)" she said by slowly walking towards you, ignoring her comforting presence you maintained your ground in high alert. She held out her hand motioning for you to take her hand.

You were hesitant and just stared at her. She just nodded and said "Just let me help you", and with that you took her hand and memories flood your brain and it began to hurt badly so you involuntarily closed your eyes. But you pushed through not succumbing to the great pain you're feeling.

Suddenly you knew who you're, you remembered everything including how you met Jake, Your meeting with Neytiri, Mating infront of Eywa and lastly, you remembered why you're here. You opened your eyes and heavily panted.

"Ney... Neytiri?" You uttered under your breath, her smile widened and she nodded "Now go and save our mate" she added before disappearing. You felt yourself beginning to wake up and you feel your body getting heavy probably from the injuries you've suffered earlier.

When you opened your eyes you saw dead bodies everywhere you looked, No one was shooting and fighting anymore except for Jake and Lang. You remembered that the war is not yet over. Using the pain in her body to awaken her consciousness.

You collected your breath before standing up and watching as Jake and Lang fought, it was an even battle both exchanging blows that weakened the other. And so you decided to help Jake by running up to a huge boulder next to him and then suddenly you used Jake's shoulder for momentum to lift yourself up and jump towards Lang. Jake was left astonished still processing what you did as he saw you jumping towards Lang.

It all happened so fast as you stabbed Lang at his Arm quickly maneuvering for you to climb on his AMP suit, he took his hands off at the controls of the armor and tries to catch your dagger that'll pierce him but to no avail. You manages to stab his chest looking at him with a sickening smile on your face, He began to lose all of his senses and before it happened he mutters his last words under his breath enough for you to hear him. "I'll see you in hell (Y/n) Lewis".

Lang summoned every last bit of strength left within him and with a quick movement he took his knife out and he stabbed you at the stomach, he weakly smiled feeling victorious, finally avenging his fallen brother. He drew his last breath and died. Jake called your name, watching you fall down slowly with his eyes and feels his world crashing down at the sight of blood seeping out of your wound.

(Y/n) felt as if every strength she had on her body left her as she fell down with Lang, but luckily Jake caught her just in time before her body hit the ground. He panicked and immediately contacted norm through his transmitter.

"Norm! notify Mo'at our tsahik is gravely injured I repeat (Y/n)'s Injured!" He said as he called for his ikran and quickly finding s rope to bind your body closely to his and he made his way on the camp. Norm Hear his call and immediately turned back to Mo'ats tent.

"(Y/n).... (Y/n) is gravely injured! Please I beg you Mo'at... Please do the consciousness transfer on her otherwise This clan will lose another precious Tsahik" Norm exclaimed at Mo'at and she immediately left the tent and gathered all of the tribe.

She stood on top of a rock before saying, "Everyone! Our Tsahik needs help. She need us gather everyone! And make way to the Tree of Souls Now!" Her voice beamed throughout the camp and almost immediately all of the people gathered the others and called for their own ikrans. The one's who doesn't have one was with the riders.

Moat brought (Y/n)'s body with her tying her Avatar's body with her as her ikran swooped down at the directions of their sacred place, she hopes that they're not too late.

Jake was waiting for all of them at the Tree of Souls hearing a flock of ikrans flying down he feels a little relieved but still it wasn't enough for his face to lit up, he saw Mo'at ran to him and Norm was carrying (Y/n)'s Avatar body. She saw you Catching your breath as you're forcing yourself to be awake despite the heavy weight on your eyes.

"Please do anything to save her.... I - I can't lose her" He said heartbroken and voice cracking in his pleas. Mo'at ordered for Norm to put your Avatar body down aligned with your injured human body. You looked at Jake and said "If I don't make it, please don't blame yourself" Jake shook his head No and replied "You will make it sweetheart don't worry I'm here with you Stay strong for me m'kay?"

Jake wasn't Naive he knew that the consciousness transfer was dangerous and he was the only one who lived through the process, he silently hoped that it will not be like what happened to Grace Augustine. And with that Mo'at Began the Ritual the tribe began to connect their tsaheylu to the ground to make a bond to Eywa and they began to chant.

They've been chanting and chanting as Mo'at is yelling her own chant while Jake is right beside you, you felt his warmth and presence as it gives you a sense of security. You felt vines growing up from the ground and held the both of your bodies some atokirina's started to attached itself at you and you felt Eywa's presence. You smiled to Jake and he returned it while trying his best to hide his worries. But you still saw through them as your eyes are share even if you're injured.

Mo'at felt Eywa's presence all throughout her body and to the tip of her fingertips, More and more Woodsprites are attaching itself to your 2 bodies, you felt yourself losing consciousness but you fought it “ It’s okay baby don’t fight it, I’ll be here for you.” Jake said and he kissed you after comforting you, you replied with a single whine from your mouth and later on you heard them stop chanting. Mo’at turned to you and said “Eywa is deciding, Jake Sully” she saw you closed your eyes.

“Eywa Ngahu Fralo (Y/n)” you heard someone said as you drifted off to sleep. Jake held his breath as he removed the mask off of you and he planted a kiss on your forehead. After a few moments he saw your Avatar body breathing and he was relieved. But he waited for a few moments and you still didn’t open your eyes and that was when he knew that something is wrong.

He began to speak your name as he lightly taps your shoulder but you’re still asleep, Mo’at interfered and said “The Great Mother is talking to her, do not disturb their meeting” She spun around and said something to the tribe in Na’vi “The Tsahik is meeting with Eywa, let us go back home as the Olo’eyktan thanks us for our hardwork!” The tribe rejoiced as they flew to the high camp happy, leaving Jake and (Y/n) alone. He clicked his tongue and proceeds to go home, he put (Y/n)’s 2 bodies in his tent. The human body will be buried to be one with Eywa.

Meanwhile (Y/n) was all alone but she knew that Eywa was with her. Suddenly a Woman showed up with a stick..... A Cigarette? You put your guard up and hissed at her but she only chuckles "Feisty like Neytiri huh? Who could've thought that Jake is a sucker for Feisty ones". You lowered your guard and looked at her confused, "I'm Grace Augustine" She extended her hand & you take it to shake her hands with her.

"I'm Eywa's assistant now, well sort of." She said "I'm one of Jake's close friends, I'm a scientist that fell in love with the nature of pandora. I fought dor the Na'vi people together with Jake." She explained as the scenes of her helping Jake flashing at the background, after a while she disappeared. You don't understand why she just told you her story but before you can jump into conclusions Another person appeared.

It was a Tall Male Na'vi stood before you, you greeted him and he greeted back. "I was sent here by Eywa to teach you, come" He said. His presence held Authority even greater than Lang.

"I was once the Olo'eyktan of the People, but my reign was cut short my Coronation was a few days before the 1st war." He reminisced as the scenes of his heroic deeds replayed at the background.

"I was shot and fell down the flying machines, Jake the great Toruk Makto and the Olo'eyktan now found me. I passed the Olo'eyktan to him and begged him to ease my pain and he did." He explained further as he smirked.

"Not to brag but, I'm the first female Toruk Makto" You beamed at him and he bursts out laughing offending you. "Interesting, that Sully found his match huh?" He Bowed at you.

"I'm Tsutey, I was a brother to Jale pleased to meet you (y/n)" He said one last time before he disappeared. You started to piece the information together and you're beginning to understand it all, suddenly another woman emerged and peaced at you.

"Sup Jake's Mate Name's Trudy, Pleased to meet you" She said as you waved at her, she smiled at you and waved back with the same energy. She stretched for a moment and released a groan before saying.

"Imma make this quick cause I have a nap to catch on" And with that she hurriedly showed you her late story before she died. "Am Jake's Pilot and I'm hella good at it, Shit's pilot can't even hit my plane dang." She praised herself and we both laughed.

"I sided with the Na'vi's cause fuck humans. I would rather betray my own kind to keep seeing Pandora's beautiful nature than staying loyal to my kind and destroying this treasure" She said. You saw the scene of her bombing the Home tree where many Omaticayans flee for their lives.

"I regret doing that, but I'm glad Eywa gave me another chance" She muttered and she quickly disappeared. You waited for a few moments and no one appeared, you sighed and wondered when are you gonna wake up, you're worried that Jake is waiting for you for a few Hours.

"My child" You heard a soft yet firm voice of someone, you looked around your consciousness but saw no one. You realized that it was Eywa talking to you, You bowed and knelt to the ground to show respect. Suddenly a woman was standing before you.

"Thank you for defending the land, (y/n) may you and Jake lead a peaceful life. But I must warn you my child nothing is permanent" She warned you and proceeds to give you a time lapse of a vision? Many images flooded your brain and you winced.

The last image was a young Na'vi dying infront of you, you heard water clashing and you feel tremendous guilt and sadness. Before it went further the visions stopped and Eywa embraced you wishing you luck for the next chapter of your life. "You should wake up now child, your mate has waited for you" The great mother said before you felt yourself wake up.

Jake was broken but he doesn't show it he wonders if he's being delusional when he sees (y/n) breathing, he doesn't know if he's loosing his mind or not. But he saw your already big stomach containing his child in you, he doesn't know what to do anymore.

"It's time to let her go Jake it's been 8 months already, look at her! She grew thin! I doubt that child is even alive!" Norm exclaimed at Jake, he has spent the past months convincing Jake to let (Y/n) go and just bury both of her bodies together but Jake keeps on denying it.

"Shut the fuck up Asshole! You don't know what it feels like to lose Both of your mates in one lifetime!" Jake screamed at Norm, he sat down next to you and nuzzled his face in your hands. Norm went quiet and pat Jake at the back.

"I'm sorry man, it's just... It's been a few months you know" He said, Jake just scoffed and looked at him straight in the eye and ordered him to go away. And Norm obeyed.

He nuzzled his face closer to your hands silently hoping you'd wake up. He felt your fingers lightly twitched and he immediately opened his eyes and called your name. He watched you as you regained your consciousness. His eyes teared up and a single tear landed on your skin.

"Ma Jake? Why are you crying?" You asked, he laughed at you and replied "You've been out for 8 months and that's the first thing you'll ask me?".

Your eyes widened "8 months?!" You said while sitting up. But you felt a pain on your stomach, "Shit I forgot I was pregnant" You said and Laughed through the pain. Jake asked you if you're okay and if he need to call Mo'at. You nodded yes as the pain intensified.

He ran outside and called for Mo'at, just as they walked back in you felt your water broke and you screamed in agony as you felt being split in 2. "Fuck! Jake I think Your Child wants to come out!" You said while caressing your stomach.

Mo'at went and called for all of the healers and they made Jake wait outside. You're screaming in pain of giving birth, just then Mo'at made you eat some fruit and said that it'll relieve your pain. And to your surprise it worked! The whole Labor passed and you gave birth without feeling any pain.

A few minutes later You saw your child crying as Mo'at gently placed by your side. "It's a boy! Po Tutan!" As Mo'at screamed in Joy, Jake suddenly bursts in and saw you with his child and said the same thing. "IT'S A BOY!" he kneeled right next to you and asked you what would his name be.

You smiled and close your eyes as you heard Neytiri's whisper on your ear "His name would be Neteyam, Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk'itan" You proudly said as they cheered with the successful birth you did.

As they announced it to the tribe many was happy of the news both by your successful labor and you being well and alive. They began to prepare for a celebration of Neteyam's birthing, you looked at Jake proudly carried Neteyam and he connected his little Tsaheylu on a strand of the Tree of souls.

You have wondered how did you get this type of story in your life when back then you were nothing but a nobody back in being a Marine. But still you were thankful for Eywa for giving this to you, you thanked her for giving you both Jake and Neteyam as well as the tribe of the Omaticaya. And you know to yourself that....

With this it ended a chapter in your life and at the same time it has opened another and you can't wait for the future. But you can't help but be bothered by the Visions that Eywa has showed you.

Tags:

@fluloa @cleverzonkwombatsludge @thatsenoughformelol @wtf-why-do-i-gotta-do-this @erenjaegerwifee @soxfix @dorck26 @vampsclassiffied @1950schick @lovekeeho @fanboyluvr @buttercake2234 @slutforsmut4ever @witchywannabe3263 @sharni07 @blackgirlwriting

167 notes · View notes

cryptidko · 1 day

Text

Yayy posting some art of mine.

While making my pressure (/scp) OC I noticed quite an amount of similarities he had with Solace so I drew this kind of like parallels I guess lol.

More OC Lore under cut

Travis-Lautaro Tecoy, a twenty something Chilean guy, nicknamed "Icarus" by Solace after he died in room 99.

He was a D-Class at the SCP foundation, one that lasted a lot more than the expected singular month there... He lasted years, (thank his inability to die for that.) and was considered quite the asset to the foundation.

He is anomalous himself, but wasn't classified as an SCP purely out of conveniece for the organization, because then it would be a mess to test on him and it would require a lot more paperwork haha. (Cross experiments with SCPs are a mess to coordinate and get approved.)

I have my ideas of why he can't really die, or how he keeps coming back despite his body being almost completely destroyed, let's just say that back at the foundation some people talked about him as 682-B 👀... Only in whispers of course, nothing documented yet.

His crime is irrelevant, he was accused of the murder of 3 people along with first degree arson charges, wether those claims are true even he doesn't know anymore, since after every test he was constantly administered amnestics to the point of almost breaking his mind.

During his transportation he was administered Class C Amnestics but thanks to his developed resistance to the stuff he can remember small bits of his time at the foundation from time to time.

(feat some of my friend's doodles of her Roblox Avatar and Seb as well)

For reasons that I havent thought of yet (lol) he was transferred to Urbanshade's under the expendable protocol, feeling he probably had more chances of being freed with that than the obvious lie of the foundation of being freed after one month of serving as a D-Class.

Really he was just changing what organization owned him.

He's not a great guy lol, he's quite an asshole tbh, horrible with emotions, very self centered and easy to anger.

He's the type to do anything if it means he's getting his freedom, and knowing he can't really die he's not scared of doing horrid things to get his way, but really he's just detached from his own emotions. That's just what years dealing with anomalous shit as their testing subject does to ya I guess.

Going back to his nickname, in his first ever expedition he almost got to the crystal, dying to pinky right after he survived pandemonium. (This actually fucking happened to me when I played for the first time and I was so angry that I made Travis lol.)

Thus, the nickname Icarus, he flew too close to the sun and died, he absolutely HATES that name, it spread like wildfire among other expendables.

(early doodles/designs of him, was still figuring him out back there lol)

He doesn't talk much either tbh, but that's actually because if he talks too much, specially when agitated (or anything that raises his heartrate) he gets this GNARLY cough with blood and all that. That's because the weird anomaly that keeps him alive flares up and tries to constantly adapt his body to the environment. It's a VERY painful process btw, when his body begins to heal from his more fucked up injuries he does not pass out, he is painfully aware of every single fiber reattaching and bones fusing and organs healing.

Back at the foundation he was just administered amnestics to forget that along with the testing prior, but now at Urbanshade he's more aware than ever about not being human.

After all, the only reason he wants his freedom is to be a normal person again, and if he's not human, then what even is the point.

He refuses to acknowledge he's not normal.

And it's breaking him.

#pressure oc #roblox pressure #sebastian solace #scp oc #cryptidko.png #cryptidko.txt #eng.srt

14 notes · View notes

woodblxssomcrowned · 3 months

Note

Danzo/Kaname Headcanon suggestion:

Kaname and Danzo never actually get married. First it's because he thinks he needs to rise in the ranks, and then it's because his job/unpopularity is actually too dangerous to sustain a family on the side. At some point he decides he doesn't want kids, and becomes the canon Danzo we know.

But on the side, he maintains personal bonds. At political meetings, he sits next to her and aids her. After hours, there's the thought of taking Kaname out to eat and maybe he'll send her a message. During festival days, there's always at least one genin team spying on her to make sure she's alright. Not because she needs it, but because he does.

In the shadows, Danzo remains. She walks in the light of the village for most of her entire life, over forest roads that give a canopy of leafs the chance for sunlight to peek through and shine on her face and make her a dalmatian of light.

But her roots need darkness. And sometimes, Kaname and Danzo meet up in the dark. He has changed. She has changed. They know the limits of their 'meetings'.

Some months they're lovers, sometimes it's impersonal, and some meetings they're almost enemies. It depends on how much they just want coffee and talk, or coffee and silent companionship, or sex.

The sex is good though. Their years take their tolls on their bodies, but they remain strong. He has learnt to contain her, and learnt what she likes, and learnt to accommodate her endurance. He is above all, a persistent and thorough man.

These meetings happen, regardless of whether she remains single or has a committed relationship. Danzo has chosen her. Even if she wants to break it off, Danzo remains stable as ever. She gets the flowers on valentine's and her birthday. She gets the invitations, (fewer when she's mad, more when she's lonely). He never skips or forgets the traditions that show his appreciation for her.

He spirals, gradually becomes the monster. He isn't nice to the rest of the world, his character become terrible over time, he becomes a dictator Hokage the way Hiruzen was. But always, there remains his kneejerk reaction to Kaname.

When she enters the room or whispers his name, he briefly reacts as if he is still that nervous boy who bought her the red-bean bun pastry, and as if she's still the pretty girl who finds his stammering cute.

LADY Lady *softly* holy fuck

Meme : Send me a Hc and I'll accept or deny it ACCEPTED (Holy shit SO accepted!)

It's complicated, heartbreaking, heartwarming, tragic, and a bit dangerous and and thrilling and I LOVE IT I can't even think of anything to add to it right now, it's great and I want it! The only thing I can come up with to add is this piece I drew back in Oktober last year, never posted (don't remember why), and forgot about until now and It's feels like it kind of fits the mood of this HC so enjoy! (I am not very happy with it anymore but whatever it is what it is) It's spicy and bloody so I'll put it under a cut.

#;;answered #lord-danzo #;;headcanons #;;kaname #ship: Danzo x Kaname #v; undetermined #usfw;;#;;my art

8 notes · View notes

moonlitofmuse · 4 days

Text

my crush hates me... or does she? || WONYUNA

summary/context: jang wonyoung might've been the most popular and wanted girl in her high school, but she was never really interested in romantic things or being someone's girlfriend, until shin yuna joined her high school. she fell head over heels for her and was eventually convinced by her friends to confess to her, but things don't go well... or do they?

pairing: jang wonyoung (ive) × shin yuna (itzy)

trope(s): an actual love triangle (w/ huening kai)

warning/topics: un(requited) love, pining, light angst, eventual fluff

a/n: how's nobody writing about them? lol. i've been loving this crack ship/love triangle since it was a thing in 2019 and i think we all remember that one clip of them at mama and everyone just ended up shipping the girls (i love gay ppl sm). and, recently, my tiktok fyp showed me a wonyuna slideshow so i had to write something about them, and here we are :)

wc: 2,654

• • •

"Come on, Wonnie, I'm sure you can do this."

And there was Jang Wonyoung, the most popular and romantically solicited girl in the entire high school, shaking on her feet in front of her best friend, Ahn Yujin, who was currently trying to encourage her to confess to her crush... anonymously.

She was holding an envelope, very similar to the too many ones she had received today from her admirers, but compared to the others, hers was pink—her crush's favorite color—and it had some crayon hearts as decorations that she drew herself. Wonyoung ran her thumb over it, feeling the fiber texture under her fingertip as she, unconsciously, bit her lip, feeling anxious.

Her high school had this corny tradition of putting anonymous confession letters inside their crush's locker once every year, and just like in past years, she received a lot of them. Last year, she had recognized some handwriting on the letters, mostly from guys, but she wasn't interested in them, or anyone, to be fair. Until she happened this year.

Shin Yuna, the girl from her art class. She knew Yuna was a year older than her; she was repeating a year. She knew Yuna was friends with some seniors: Hwang Yeji, Lia Choi, Shin Ryujin, and Chaeyeon's little sister, Lee Chaeryeong. She also knew that Yuna was an excellent artist, who had a burning passion for it, and Wonyoung realized it when one day she observed caught Yuna drawing under a tree that was far from the other students during one of their breaks. Yuna was also part of the dance club where Yujin was too, and in Yujin's words, she was great, better than great.

Wonyoung knew her favorite color, her favorite food, her favorite music, her favorite piece of clothing, her hobbies, her friends, and her favorite places to hang out.

Wonyoung knew too much about Yuna, but had never talked to her, not even said hello to her. But she wasn't a creep, was she?

She received a lot of attention in the past, a lot of validation and praise from men and women equally, and she was confident in herself, but now, she wasn't. Not about this.

Could I really do it? No, she didn't think so.

"But I can't! I really can't!" she cried in defeat, her arms dropping, looking at Yujin hopelessly.

"Look, Wonyoung," Yujin grabbed her shoulders, making Wonyoung look her in the eyes as she spoke, "You can do this, I know you can, I've known you since we were kids, so I know what I'm talking about. You've been pining and drooling over this girl for way too long, and you need to confess now, or you're going to regret it after not doing it, and it's anonymous anyway! How would she know it was you who wrote that?"

Wonyoung frowned. "I don't know how that last part is supposed to make me feel better, but I'll take it, I guess."

Yujin let go of her shoulders and sighed loudly, almost grunting. "This is her first time experiencing this tradition, she'll probably be curious to know who wrote this for her, especially if it's from a girl,” she said with a smirk on her lips and then winked at her best friend. “You did specify that, right?"

Wonyoung rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I think I did. Maybe you're right."

"Of course I'm right, I'm always right." Yujin spoke with a cocky smile. This made Wonyoung roll her eyes again, but this time she was smiling, clearly amused by her best friend's behavior. "Now go leave her the letter, she's out of sight. See you at the cafeteria, Wonnie! You got this!" Yujin chanted as she started to go in a different direction from Wonyoung, leaving for the place where their other friends were.

Wonyoung was left alone in the lockers, with no one there. She took a few breaths in and out to keep her anxiety down, and then she walked towards a locker. A locker, that if you were a fool or new, you wouldn't recognize, but who wouldn't recognize Shin Yuna’s locker with the sparkly hot pink hearts and adorable bunny and cat stickers all over its door?

She took another breath once she was in front of it, making a “whoo” sound when she exhaled, and then, she took the courage to slide the letter through the vent of Yuna's locker, making a soft sound as the paper fell on metal.

It was done. She actually did it. Her heart was drumming against her ear, but she felt it in her throat, her eyes widened as she stared at the locker of her crush, she was freaking out now.

But it felt great; fear and anxiety started to get overshadowed by joy and pride. She smiled proudly at herself, with surprise still drawn on her face, and then she started to walk to the cafeteria where her friends were waiting for her. She tried to muffle the happy sounds that wanted to come out of her mouth; her steps were fast-paced as she knew she had some good news for her friends.

She did it.

• • •

“I did it!” she exclaimed, almost screaming, as she stopped in front of the table her friends were currently having lunch at. “I fucking did it, guys!”

“Did what?” Yena asked, visibly confused, with her mouth full as she was munching on a french fry.

“Did you leave her the letter?” Yujin asked this time, watching excitedly at her best friend.

Wonyoung sat beside her where there was a space for her, and nodded to answer Yujin's question. “I did it, Jinnie!” she whispered-screamed at Yujin, making them both giggle like little kids.

“Did you leave Shin Yuna a letter?”

“Wait, Shin Yuna?” Yuri said, her frown contrasting with Nako’s excitement. “You like and confessed to Shin Yuna?”

“Yes, don't you feel good for me?” Wonyoung was confused, she couldn't figure out why Yuri was looking at her like that.

“No, yes, I do feel good for you, and I'm proud of you, Wonyoung, but I didn't know you liked her and if I knew…” Yuri sighed. “Did you at least put something in the letter, like a clue or something, to give away that it was from you?”

“Yes, I did specify that I was…” her words were cut off by a sight far away from her but so clear in her vision. A sight of Yuna, with Wonyoung's letter in her hand, walking towards someone else: a guy, who she recognized very well, Huening Kai. She was sure that everyone in the place could perfectly hear her heart shattering like fragile glass as she watched that moment, when her crush hugged someone else, “... a girl,” she finished her sentence weakly, her lips feeling heavy, her whole body feeling heavy as the news presented in front of her.

She liked Yuna, but Yuna didn't like her back.

“Wonyoung…” She could hear Yuri’s voice saying her name with worry, with pity. Wonyoung didn't need that; she needed to get out of there.

She got up from her seat feeling numb, carrying her heavy bleeding heart with her. She could hear someone calling her name and felt their presence following her, but she didn't care. She kept running.

Wonyoung got out of the place successfully but failed at holding back a sob that she didn't know she was fighting to hide the whole way through the cafeteria.

“Wonyoung, wait!” Yujin's voice was clearer now. Way too clear, too much noise. She had to keep running.

But then, she felt her best friend's hand stopping her by pulling her by her arm, and like a habit, she found shelter in Yujin's arms as she let herself cry on her shoulder. “Shh, it'll be okay, Wonnie, I'm here for you.”

Wonyoung let her tears fall as she felt them burn the skin of her cheeks, her sobs making their way out not caring if anyone heard her. Yujin patted her head and held her shaking body tightly, trying to calm her down, as Wonyoung continued to unleash the pain in her heart for a few more minutes. Then, she felt the broken-hearted girl let go of her embrace. Yujin's heart squeezed empathetically when she finally saw Wonyoung’s puffy red eyes staring into hers, still shining with tears that didn't come out and her cheeks just as damp as the fabric covering Yujin's shoulder.

“Hey, it's okay,” Yujin spoke softly to her best friend as she tried to wipe her cheeks, but the tears that had been strained in her eyes finally fell without any effort, undoing Yujin's work.

“It's not! How could I be so stupid? I was so nervous and so distracted when I wrote it that I forgot to specify it was a letter from a girl,” Wonyoung's voice came out weak and shaky, but nasally and whiny, she felt defeated and dumb. “And now, she thinks her actual crush wrote that for her. She likes that Kai guy and he probably likes her back; you saw how they hugged.”

“You sure? ‘Cause I think he likes someone else, and he didn't write that letter, did he?” Yujin was still holding her by her arms, she squeezed them as an attempt to comfort her as she asked her question with a raised eyebrow.

Wonyoung shook her head weakly. “No.”

Yujin smiled at the short response. “Come on, let's get your face washed, can't let the people see the Jang Wonyoung like this.”

And Wonyoung smiled back.

• • •

The next day, Wonyoung was standing in front of her locker. She opened it, being welcomed by a bunch of letters she had received yesterday but didn't have the energy to read, so she left them there on purpose. She wasn't in the mood to read them all today either, but who knows, maybe some unrequited attention would cheer her up.

She took a crimson red envelope. It was plain without any striking decorations, but the color was pretty at least. She opened it and started reading it. Wonyoung found herself with words that she had read many times before in other letters from different people—the same sweet and lame words—and every time, it bored her. They didn't cheer her up, but instead made her more miserable than she was today. Just to pay some cordial respect to the anonymous sender, she sped up her reading, not really focusing on getting full words or sentences, just to get to the end of the letter.

And something finally caught her attention.

“From: HK — just a tiny hint ;)” it read at the end.

Wonyoung's eyes widened as she recognized those initials.

“Oh my. fucking. God!” The other students in the hallway were now staring at her with confusion and curiosity, but Wonyoung didn't care. She couldn't believe this. She held the letter in her left hand and sighed heavily as she suppressed the urge to fold it into a ball and throw it far away from her.

For the first time in her high school years, someone finally made her feel something over a letter, but it wasn't what she expected.

Yuna's crush had a crush on her.

“Hey, you tall baby!”

“What do you want, Chaeyeon?” Wonyoung closed her locker, making a strong sound that made the girl behind her flinch. Then she turned around to meet her friend, who was looking at her with a frown.

“Not in the mood today?”

“No, not really. I just found out about the worst thing ever,” she answered Chaeyeon's inquiry and then handed her the letter.

Chaeyeon understood what she wanted her to do, so she took the letter in her hand and read the last sentence that made Wonyoung's day her worst day ever.

“HK? As in Huening Kai? I think he's the only guy I know with those initials and is around your age, but why do you feel like this?” Chaeyeon asked again, handing her the letter back. “You usually don't care about anyone's letter unless it's from Yuna,” she teased with a mocking smile.

Wonyoung groaned, rolling her eyes at her friend's teasing. Didn't she get that she was not in the mood? “Yesterday, I got the memo that Yuna doesn't like me but him. She hugged him after she thought my letter was from him.”

Chaeyeon’s whole face frowned in confusion. “And he likes you? What kind of weird love triangle are you in, girl?” She tried to suppress a laugh but ended up chuckling incredulously.

“I don't even know! Dramas didn't prepare me for this shit!”

“Well, and here I thought Yuna understood what I told her. I can see she's kinda dumb now.”

Wonyoung stopped in her tracks, now looking at the girl with a harsh stare. “What do you mean? What did you tell her?”

“Just told her she was getting a letter from you, but not actually told her that, just implied it.”

“What did you exactly tell her?”

“Well…”

“Hey, Yuna!” Chaeyeon said as she released her sister's shoulders from the grip of her arm, approaching the owner of the name.

“Yeah?”

“I heard you're getting a letter from someone tomorrow.”

Yuna’s eyes and smile widened, looking like an excited bunny. “Wait, what? Really? Who told you? Do you know them?”

“I can't tell you, I won't break the rules! But believe me when I say you will be happy and more than pleased when you know.”

“Are you dumb, Lee Chaeyeon?” Wonyoung almost screamed at her.

Chaeyeon frowned. “What?” She said, taken aback by the girl's strong reaction.

“What? That's what I'm asking you! What the fuck was that?”

“What I told her!”

“You literally did nothing more than mislead her into thinking her crush, who is clearly not me, likes her and gave her a letter!” Now, they were yelling at each other.

“How could I ever know she likes someone else?”

“Oh well, I don't know, you could've asked your sister about it since she's her friend!”

“Why would I ever ask my sister about Yuna's private life? That's weird!”

“You could've been weird once, for me!”

Wonyoung sighed as she brushed her hair back in an unconscious gesture to ease the stress and anxiety she was feeling; it did not work, of course. Realizing what she said, Wonyoung stayed silent, and so did Chaeyeon for a few short seconds until she spoke again.

“Now, you're crossing a line here,” Chaeyeon said, putting her index finger in front of her friend like she was scolding her, her voice tone more relaxed and serious now that she was slowly getting where Wonyoung’s anger was coming from. “You didn't write in the letter that you were a girl like you said you would, right?”

Wonyoung shook her head, defeated. “No, I didn't, so I'm mad at myself! I feel so dumb, Chaeyeon.”

“Hey, don't. It's okay. Mistakes happen,” Chaeyeon said as she put her hands on Wonyoung’s shoulders, squeezing them, trying to comfort her.

“I know, but I'm still kind of mad at you, though.”

Chaeyeon chuckled under her breath. “Yeah, I'm sorry,” she said, but then pursed her lips, seeming like she wasn’t convinced about her words. “... even though it wasn't fully my fault, to be honest, but I do recognize it was misleading. I could've done better or asked first.”

Wonyoung shook her head and sighed, feeling bad for lashing out at her friend. “No, don't apologize. You're right, it wasn't your fault, and I was just taking my anger out on you. I'm the one who's sorry.”

Chaeyeon smiled as she patted Wonyoung's shoulders. “It's okay, we're good. You know that I really don't care about those things, so no hard feelings.”

Wonyoung exhaled with relief. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome. Now come on, I think I know how you can fix this mess.”

•

. . . want a part 2?

2 notes · View notes

otakween · 11 months

Text

Cyborg 009 BGOOParts Delete (2020) - Volume 4

Zooming to the finish line because frankly I want to be done with this manga so I can move onto something I'm actually invested in! Well actually, I realized that there are a few other Cyborg 009 things I haven't read yet, but they're all short and translated, so I'm not worried about them.

Ch. 22

I had to read this chapter twice because Hera's Japanese was so tricky. She talks in fancy-old-timey talk, no fair!

Essentially the Mythos cyborgs are brought back to life by Hera and Apollon is like "well wait a minute, we're now back to 100% health, but the numbers cyborgs are all beat up, I don't want to fight unless it's fair and square!" and then Hera's like "too bad!" and she uses her amulet to mind control all the Mythos cyborgs

Getting back into the "Mythos cyborgs are tragic characters" theme with Apollon being sick of being used over and over again by everyone.

Ch. 23

Finally stuff is happening other than boring battling/monologuing! In this chapter we learn Hera's backstory (she used to be Dr. Gaia's assistant Renate). I found it kinda hard to sympathize with her because in the flashback Gaia was like "mwahaha I'm going to take over the world with my Mythos cyborgs, sound good?" and she was like "power? Domination? Well...I guess!" Like, she didn't hesitate much.

Since Riko is incapacitated all of the Mythos cyborgs dissolve along with the battlefield where they were fighting. The double page spread where the numbers cyborgs were sent back undersea was well done.

It was kind of awkward how Joe was like "water? Pyunma's time to shine!" but then Pyunma was like "yeah, I can't do shit cuz if I bring Riko up to surface too fast she'll die." I feel like most of the cyborgs weren't exactly built to save people (like how Joe can't touch anyone while using his acceleration switch)

Ch. 24

Oof, this chapter was a bear to get through. At some point I gave up and started using DeepL translation (which worked surprisingly well). Basically the whole chapter was Gaia/Zeus/whatever monologuing about...idk world domination or something? Also, using and abusing the Mythos cyborgs for his own gain.

I lied, there's also a bit at the beginning of the chapter where Artemis and Francoise cry about how they don't wanna fight and Artemis is jealous over Francoise and Joe's relationship.

Ch. 25

Hera regains strength, this time possessing Riko' mom (Hitomi) instead of Riko. They drew Hitomi really goofy looking in the reveal and I couldn't take it seriously. Hera gets a monologue in while the numbers cyborgs regroup. God, this is boring.

Ch. 26

Now that I have DeepL translation on my side, I'm having more fun reading this lol. I can read normal character dialogue (like the butlers and the numbers cyborgs) just fine, but the Mythos folks and Professor Gaia/Zeus speak in an old-timey, pretentious way that's way too advanced for me >_<

In this chapter all the characters prep for the final battle. The Mythos cyborgs begrudgingly agree to fight one last time as they accept that they have no control over their own fates, but they also destroy the Mythos cyborgs copies/clones because they're sick of being resurrected over and over only to be used and abused. Zeus is like "how dare!" and then the orb thingy that they were all in sinks into the Aegean sea.

This chapter had some great, dramatic panels. Mainly the numbers cyborgs group shot at the end and the double page spread of the Dolphin.

Ch. 27

The fight begins between the numbers and mythos cyborgs and the mythos cyborgs debut a new strategy and new powers. The numbers cyborgs ponder the weirdness of their new tactics when they seem to send out one mythos cyborg at a time. They also learn that at least one of the mythos cyborgs now has the power to shape shift which complicates things.

009 picks up 006 to use him as a flamethrower. Was it established that Joe's acceleration doesn't harm other cyborgs? I can't remember, but that sounds right...(or do they all still have acceleration powers thanks to the Dolphin?)

Ch. 28

So it turns out that Zeus was the shape-shifter. He and Joe have a confrontation and Zeus transforms himself into Joe. They then pull that BS we've seen in every movie ever where Joe and Zeus try to convince the numbers cyborgs that THEY'RE the real Joe. Dun dun dunnnn.

002 proves which Joe is fake by flying him up into the sky and recreating the scene from the end of volume 10. He asks Zeus if he remembers the promise they made and Zeus!Joe gets the answer wrong. Jet drops him and all the other cyborgs fill him with bullets. At the last second tho, Hera teleports him away (potentially healing him?)

Onto the next! I thiiink the last volume is the last but I'm not entirely sure. Could be second to last, but 5 seems like a good number to end on. I'm pretty surprised after all this time no one has picked up this series for translation yet!! I'm not really a fan, but I know there a lot of Cyborg 009 superfans out there these days...oh well. I can deal with short series in Japanese. I just get fatigued after awhile with the longer ones.

#cyborg 009 #manga #Cyborg 009 BGOOParts Delete

10 notes · View notes

starspray · 7 months

Note

BTS for what your life is?

BTS: I’ll write a DVD commentary about my personal favorite passage from [that fic]

What Your Life Is was so much fun to write! I'd never done anything with Harad before and it was a lot of fun to do some worldbuilding there, and to figure out all the OCs--who they were, what their relationship to one another was, etc. I have a fair amount of notes that never made it into the fic, that I jotted down before I knew where the story itself was going to go.

It's a TRSB fic, for @independence1776's gorgeous moodboard. Fun fact, IIRC said moodboard was made with me in mind because I'd made a joke about having written Maglor being more or less forcefully befriended by smaller and hairier creatures (hobbits twice and Roverandom once) several years in a row for TRSB. I was extremely excited to snag it during claims!

It's very hard to pick a favorite passage but I'm very fond of this one:

"Father also wanted to ask if he can bring the family here before the storm season begins in earnest," said Mathos. "He does not feel it is safe anymore for anyone known to do business with Elves. And he promises to bring extra supplies." "Yes, of course," said Maglor. "You would all be welcome. I'll go tomorrow—" "You can't go!" Nanaia protested. "Haven't you been listening to what Mathos is saying?" Iset demanded at the same time. "I don't plan to draw attention to myself," Maglor said. "Besides, if what Barca told me is true, they all think I walk around dripping blood everywhere." "Huan will draw attention, and you know that he won't be left behind," said Iset. "He drew very little attention when we were there just a few weeks ago," said Maglor, "and I can change both his and my appearance if I must." "You said you couldn't, last time," said Iset. "I cannot shrink him down to the size of a cat," said Maglor, "but I can give him the seeming of—oh, I don't know, a pony or something. If I must. Huan can take care of himself, and I can of course change my own appearance." When Iset still looked skeptical he added, "I have sung the Lay of Leithian for you before. Do you remember Felagund's arts? If he could make himself look like an orc, I can certainly change my hair color." "You are not Felagund," Iset said, in the same tone that Vanna used to scold the twins when they tried to imitate the great heroes of their favorite tales. "No, I am not," Maglor agreed, only barely resisting the urge to roll his eyes. "I am the one who taught him. It just takes more time and effort than I care to expend on a routine shopping trip. This will be different." "You aren't going to go to the temple, are you?" Mathos exclaimed. "Maglor, you can't!" "Everyone around here seems very sure of what I can and cannot do," Maglor said. "I have walked this world for more than three Ages of the Sun, remember, and faced far more serious dangers than a few Men in dark robes who believe they can bring Morgoth back from the Void with a few chants."

Maglor has just learned that the Sons of Elrond were looking for him before disappearing, and both fortunately and unfortunately for him he is surrounded by people who would very much like him not to endanger himself, but who also have been living with him in peace and (relative) safety for a long time, so they don't really know precisely what he's capable of. I love a Maglor who is both competent and confident--he's not very happy about this turn of events, but he's not going to shy away from doing what he has to, especially if Elrond's kids are involved.

I also really like the idea of Maglor having taught Finrod both music and magic back in Valinor, though I haven't done anything else with it.

What I liked most about writing this fic was now unsolitary Maglor is, in a pretty big departure from how he's typically written (and how I typically write him) post-Silm--it was part of Indy's premise with the moodboard, and it was so much fun to write a big complicated household/found family for Maglor to be a part and nominal head of. And I got to make OCs galore! There are a grand total of four canon characters present in this almost 20k word fic, and I think it's great.

#thanks for the ask!#so happy to talk about this fic #i'm really proud of it #meme response

5 notes · View notes

silenthillmutual · 2 months

Note

3 & 18 for Alfred the Executioner, 24 & 25 for Artemy Burakh, and 10 & 48 for Heather Mason!

alfred<3

3. What first drew you to this character?

this is such a fun question for me because i've been asked this once or twice. i genuinely have no idea! i started playing bloodborne in like. uhm. 2022, i think? and i'd gotten far enough in the game to meet him. but i generally didn't think a whole lot about bloodborne at the time because so much else was going on in my life. i couldn't even tell you when or why my brain decided to fixate on bloodborne, much less on alfred. i just kind of woke up one day and my brain was like "yes alfred my best friend alfred!"

if i'm going to hazard a guess, i'd say it's because he's fucking crazy. i love it when a guy (or gal tbh) is covered in blood and laughing like a maniac. i am also admittedly quite fond of the voice acting. i wish all the characters in bloodborne got more screentime, but at the same time i think everyone does a great job with what they're given. the absolute snide turn in his voice when you give him the cainhurst summons is just so good.

18. Do you prefer to see this character suffer or know peace? Angst or comfort? Both?

SUFFER, BLONDE BOY!

i have a whole thing planned out of how i'll get him to interact w my oc and all but the peace lasts for... i don't know. a couple hours? maybe? the rest of it he is suffering. his natural state. even when i take him out and dust him off and put in him pathologic he is suffering. but that's bc i see him as someone who hasn't quite figured out yet that you're not meant to hinge your entire existence on a singular thing: a person, a goal, a label, an ideal. i don't know how to better explain it other than that i think he's got many things wrong with him and can't/won't look inward, but that's not something anyone else can make him do, so it doesn't particularly matter where he is. he's going to continue to suffer.

artemy<3

24. Do you ever dream about this character? If so, describe a dream you once had about them.

i have had dreams about artemy in the past but i cannot for the life of me remember what happened in them! my dreams typically aren't all that memorable unless they're really, really bad. i haven't had one with him in it recently, though i think the first time i had artemy show up in a dream, i was daniil.

25. What kind of fan-fiction do you read about this character? If you don’t read fan-fics about them, why not?

i went through a period where i was trying to read absolutely every pathologic fanfic. i got caught up a couple years ago, and then life caught up with me and i haven't really gotten back to the mines in that sense. now i tend to prioritize what my friends write before reading anything else... but i do like to read gen fic about artemy that focuses on him actually struggling with the outcome of the game. and i feel like this is sort of a rare thing to find. i'd be happy with reading a burakhovsky fic like this if, you know, more of them existed? because so many fics make it The Dankovsky Show. and i get that daniil is a very interesting and important character, but so is artemy! people tend to write artemy as being endlessly understanding and kind, and artemy (in patho 2 at least) is relatively quick to forgive people who have wronged him, it just doesn't sit right with me that people make him a doormat. so i do still read fics where artemy is present, but i don't... go looking for them necessarily, because it doesn't feel like a lot of people treat him very fairly. he gets a better deal than clara, granted, but not by much.

heather<3

10. Do you see yourself in this character even without projecting?

hmmm... i think i probably saw myself in aspects of heather back when i was playing the game at like, 18 or 19 years old, but i think that was more with the heather we're presented in shattered memories, who is deeply hurt and grieving something she never got to have. it was something i could relate to, and the heather of silent hill 3 had something i never did, in having a loving father. i think i probably identified witht he rage she feels in the game, and the fear (since i was peak unmedicated for ocd, which itself is like being in a neverending hell) - but that was probably more of a 'heather lend me your strength' kind of way than in actually being able to see myself in her. though i did cosplay her!

48. What’s your favorite physical/design feature for this character?

i've always absolutely loved her outfit. i used to closet cosplay her all the time - my mother would never have let me bleach my hair, but i had the vest & the skirt & the boots. i actually always loved boots like that, though i don't have them anymore. i'm actually coming back around in the questions here - now that i'm older & harrier & fatter & vaguely more masculine, my cosplay lineup is looking more like travis grady (from silent hill: origins) and alfred.

honest fave character asks~

#squid pro quo #go-go-devil #ty for the questions!!!

2 notes · View notes

eiseryn · 9 months

Text

2023 Art Summary

I can't believe 2023 is almost over and it's been a whole year! These past few months have passed by in a blur and so I feel like I'm barely holding on 😭 I had a lot of time to draw in the beginning of last year but considerably less time now...

But overall, I'm really proud of my progress as an artist this year! I had more time to draw than usual so I honed some skills and worked on some things this year! You can tell from the first Lei and the last Lei I drew XD I learned how to use filters XD to blend the character into the background!

You can also see that I started the year with Nova (Feb-Apr) and then it became Lei in my fave pieces after LMAOOO. Seriously, the last 4 months just being Vail and Lei alternates is so funny to me XD. This year was truly the year of Lei. I suspect 2024 will also be the year of Lei with vis novel development XD

Going through the months:

January: First illustration of Lei back when the campaign first started. She was supposed to be a cold b*tch but uh... that did not happen. She turned out to be a soft and sweet girl, which also reflects in my later art of her. I still want to revisit girlboss Lei though cuz the shots she took in the campaign were like 😳😳😳

February: Pink Valentines Nova~ Nova is a blue girl but soft pink Nova hits differently. I think this art was cute and I love all the heart elements I put in! (Like in her eyes~)

March: Bubble tea Nova! This was my business card for the first art market I sold stickers at! <-- artist feat of the year? Otherwise didn't draw much art this month XD I was stressed out about my first art market. SOMEONE AT THE MARKET SAW THIS ART, ASKED IF IT WAS MY VTUBER MODEL, AND THEN TOLD ME I SHOULD BECOME A VTUBER. The best compliment I got about this art XD I will remember it forever.

April: Idol Nova… technically I drew it in May but shhh the sketch was done in April. I did this because I did some bday karaoke and this was the piece I got inspired to make after having so much fun there! Here is where I started learning how to use filters to help blend the character into the background!

May: Mermaid Merrow for Mermay! This is the only Mermay piece I did but it remains one of my top art pieces this year… just all the colours are so gorgeous in this one + the BG I'm proud of! I did not post it on tumblr cuz I started posting on tumblr in Aug... LOL. But anyways it's gorgeous and took me like 2-3 days.

June: Bad art month… it was between this and the Leticia sketch I made. I ended up with this one even though I don't like it as much as the sketch because it was at least a fully rendered piece with a background and everything... I don't like the face in it, but I worked hard on the hands! (One of my weaknesses) so there's that! Sometimes it's the little things you're proud of.

July: I really like this outfit I drew for Lei! It's the one I use for refs for her now XD I'm also particularly proud of this one cuz it's a fullbody and it's hard to draw fullbody pieces... But also I just think her outfit looks really good here! And I love how dead and tired her eyes look XD which is her mood by the time she got this outfit during the campaign.

August: It was really hard to pick for August because I had two really good pieces... (actually 3 it turns out) but I picked this one in the end because I think the artist composition was just really good. There are parts I don't like about it anymore, but the lighting was good! And I'm proud I drew all her friends in this too XD the pieces of her heart -- as this art piece is called.

September: Made a GIF of disappearing Vail! Not my first GIF I've made but I like how it turned out + I'm especially proud of the background XD It's not great but I put some effort into it. I could have worked on his pose a little more... but I don't have many good Sept pieces 😭

October: Spent too much effort on a meme. But really proud of the hand and lighting. Especially drawing the cyberpunk lighting cuz that's hard... Also yeah I think I spent close to an hour sketching the hand/ making the hand look decent XD So of course this piece is the one I choose. I also worked on making the BG look decent... and Vail's backview was hard... man... I spent a long time on this piece XD

November: Yandere Vail 😳😳😳 One of the hottest Vail pieces I've drawn and it's for a mafia AU Vail LMAO. I used a reference for this XD which is why the pose looks good.

December: Most recent piece! Had to finish the year with Lei cuz we started with Lei~ This one is a modern AU Lei so it can't quite compare to Lei's canon cyberpunk universe but still~ You can definitely see improvement in my art! Or so I'd like to think. I used a reference for the pose (kind of) and also used a picture for the BG. I'm going to do that a lot next year LMAO just take pics and use them as BGs XD Work smart not hard, right?

Runner-Ups

They're all from Aug + Dec LOL… my most productive art months this year XD

Aug 2: Flash piece! I didn't post this on tumblr either... but it is my former best boy from the campaign (Former b/c Vail took his place LMAO he's too sketchy now). I used a reference for his pose so it turned out pretty good in my opinion? I also like the lighting I did for him! I forgot his earrings though... and his necklace... oops... I'll fix that for the vis novel (cope) -- I do want this to be a CG you get from the vis novel XD cuz I think it looks good XD

Aug 14: Pink Neon Nights - First Vail x Lei piece 🥺😳🥺😳 I gotta admit the hand looks hella funky for Lei BUTTTT I am in love with Vail's smile here 🥺🥺🥺 His fangs and I like how I designed his hoodie~ Plus I like the pink neon lighting from the bar they're at~

Dec 21: Nova's birthday piece~ I hadn't drawn a full illustration for her since August so this piece turned out super good. For some reason her hair became more and more grey as the years passed in the way I drew her XD She's supposed to have white hair with grey tips (oxidation???) But UHMMM I think it's hard to do highlights on white hair so I've been making her hair more and more grey as time passes XD but her hair is white, guys.

Dec 22: Lei's Happy Holidays Card - TBH I don't like how her face turned out here, BUT I like her pose and the way I did her clothing folds XD and I put effort into the BG so there's lots of other elements on this piece I like~

And of course, my most popular piece this year was worm on a string Nova.

A classic TBH. She is still so sad and gorgeous in this piece XD I made it into a sticker to put on my laptop! :)

To more years of art and art improvement! ✨ To a 2024 filled with more self-indulgent OC art ✨ Happy New Year!

#my art #my oc #oc art #original character #art summary #2023 art summary #digital art #artists on tumblr #eiseryn #eiserynn #long post #2023 #year end review #to more years of art #happy new year

5 notes · View notes

zielenna · 9 months

Note

12 and 17 :)

Hi! :)

I think you heard most of this already, but here goes.

12. Any books that disappointed you?

Quite a few! I tend to avoid books I am not confident I will enjoy, but it still happened. First one was Lee Mandelo's Summer Sons, which I only read 70 pages of. And you know, that one is on me, I should have known that a novel marketed as a follow-up to Dream Thieves would not be great, but I thought it would make a decent breezy summer reading, and I was compelled by the premise of estranged friends, ghosts, campus politics, southern gothic, and blood magic. And to be fair, the campus part was almost solid; I do believe that the author had been in a graduate program. But the prose was so clunky! It was possibly the worst-written book I read in the last couple of years. It wasn't just unremarkable, it was so bad that I had difficulty parsing it, and I am quite sure that wasn't intentional.

Unfortunately, my quest for a novel with ghosts intervening between estranged friends led me to another disappointment, Bryan Washington's Family Meal. I was mostly bothered by two things. First, there was much of "therapy-speak," both in dialogue and in narration. People told one another that the other person didn't get to say X to them, and apologized each other for trauma dumping. Second, possibly as a result of the author's other stylistic choices (spare, simple prose; limited access to characters' interiority), the descriptions of various locales and characters' actions were dominated by proper nouns - so I knew the exact demographic make-up of every neighborhood they drove through, I knew the names of Japanese ingredients they cooked with, and I knew that the love interest was Thai and used they/them pronouns - but I couldn't tell you anything about their personality. This made the novel feel rather flat.

17. Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

Well, because I am so picky, I am rarely positively surprised… Zola's Bête humaine surprised me with how well it was constructed. I can't recall it in detail as it's been a while since I read it, but I remember being impressed with how intricately the various plotlines were interconnected, how self-contained each chapter felt, and how effectively they cumulated. It felt very clean, like a classical tragedy. The novel also had a very striking center, towards which the plot and the characters gravitated, and from which the violence which the novel examined had originated. Funnily enough, Zola seems not to have been aware of it, as the novel explicitly provides a different account of the original crime - one which accords with his ideas about heredity, but isn't really persuasive.

Other than that, I was surprised by how much enjoyed Esther Yi's Y/N (it was even more to my taste than I expected) and, frankly, the Chaucer texts that I read this fall. I don't recall having a strong response to him in my undergrad, and it took me long weeks in the summer to read Troilus and Criseyde when I was assigned it in my second year. But now I had a really good time!

Actually, it was every easy for me to compate Y/N to Family Meal, which reinforced my opinions of both.

Y/N, a character's first impression of Seoul: "I drew aside the little curtain at my window. The proportions were startling. Row after row of perfectly rectangular apartment towers—thirty floors on average—obscured my view of a mountain range. Entire families were sitting on leather couches as high up as mountains. When the Han River appeared alongside the elevated track of the highway, I was shocked by its breadth. The river was a giant black snake with a muscular back, winding through the constructed landscape with a calm magnanimity I found menacing."

Family Meal, a character's first impression of Tokyo: "The publisher flew me to Tokyo to work with Hana on her edits. We’d been given a three-month deadline. But she and I spent most of our days in tiny dives around her neighborhood instead. We rode bikes past the financial district. We ate dinner with her ex-boyfriend, a stocky guy with dyed hair who blushed at the sight of me. The rest of the time, I slumped in the sento beside my rental in Setagaya, wading in the bathwater beside salarymen and shop owners and bankers."

I told you that what struck me in Y/N was its resistance to cliche. And that is a stylistic choice I sympathize with more than with the transparency of Family Meal.

#thelibraryiscool #readings #sooo much hating on family meal. so much.#to be fair i do think that the depiction of the inciting traumatic incident was effective #but even the fact that there was an inciting traumatic incident...

5 notes · View notes

artificialqueens · 1 year

Text

Rock Hudson’s Parties, Chapter 2 (Jadore/Biadore) - Imafuckinglibra

Summary: A fresh faced young man gets off a bus in New York to move in with an estranged college friend, now a broadway star. Old flames flare up again but are potentially derailed when an older man’s temptations threaten to come between them.

Fair Warning : There is actually smut in this one yay! Including a little illustration to go with it but tbh it's pretty sfw - no bits or anything. Brief mentions of death & that's about it me thinks.

A week. A whole week Danny had been in New York already and he still hadn’t adjusted. He still didn’t feel any more in control of his life than he did in Azusa.

“Dammit.” He winced when his razor nicked a bit of skin below his lip. He stared at it, watching where the tiny bubble of blood came up.

Right below where he felt Roy’s lips brush past before he walked off into the night. As if absolutely nothing had happened.

‘Nothing did happen. If you don’t think about him he doesn’t exist,’ he scolded himself. Repeating the same mantra he did every time he walked past Roy’s apartment building as if he was the boogeyman. ‘Focus.’

He drew his attention back to his reflection in the mirror. What he thought was his reflection at least.

He looked somewhat unrecognizable to himself. He couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but it reminded him of a saying his mother used to throw around.

‘I can't put my finger on it, but if I could - I’d have to wash my hands!’

Maybe it was just nerves, some lingering stress from being the new kid on the block at work that made him uneasy. The alienation he felt was palpable. Between you and me though, it was most likely the fact that it was Monday morning before the sun had even come up and his head was still buzzing from the ‘quick’ cocktail party he’d attended with Jinkx the previous night. Was it the previous night?

He swore they left the apartment on Saturday night, yet he didn’t remember coming home till just a few hours ago, when he fell into his bed at long last. Drowning happily in a flurry of warm blankets and Jinkx's limbs sprawled over him where she had passed out, too drunk and too lazy to go find her own bedroom.

He settled on the pang in his stomach and his throbbing head being the cause of the discomfort he felt, and made his way to the kitchen for relief.

Coffee, that’s what would fix him. Coffee and the absolutely glorious spread of greasy breakfast foods Jinkx had made - bacon, sausages, eggs - butter smothered on everything, even the poor pan-seared potatoes Jinkx placed next to him as she sat down finally.

“You know,” Jinkx lulled, twirling a loose strand of hair from Danny’s forehead between her fingers. Unraveling all the hard work he’d done to finesse his unruly hair flat despite him swatting at her hand, “Shangie might’ve been right the other night. You’d make a gorgeous girl. Absolutely adorable.”

“Yeah? You think?” Danny gulped. “What does that mean? Is it something I do or, or how I sit?”

He slurped down another gulp of orange juice, the only unbuttered item on the menu. Not that he’d put it past Jinkx to experiment with that type of thing.

Although she was a great cook, every now and then she’d slip something in that she whipped up all by herself without the help of ladies’ magazines or cookbooks.

He wasn’t much better though. Outside the usual toast or bowl of cereal he made himself, he never had gotten the hang of cooking.

Not for lack of trying. His first morning there he had tried earning his keep by assisting with breakfast, assuming Jinkx would be far too sloshed to be any good, but she had very quickly put him in his place. She reminded him that as the lady of the house, she’d be taking up the housework and meal preparation before going to rehearsals; all he had to do was bring home a (not fat but at least plump) paycheck.

And maybe screw her brains out when she so politely asked him of course, like a proper friend should.

“Of course not, dear. It’s perfectly natural to want to play in girls’ clothes once in a while, didn’t Fred Mertz even dress up for an episode of I Love Lucy about some club thing?”

“That was different.” He scrunched his top lip. “And I’ll have you know it was the Ricky Asks For a Raise episode and they ALL dressed up.”

She shook her head, unamused. “You watch too much television; it’s gonna rot your brain one of these days.”

“It’s gonna rot your mep mep mep,” Danny sarcastically mimicked her disapproval with his hand, making her laugh as he did most mornings.

“You suuuuuure you never dabbled? Never played in your mother’s makeup or put on her shoes? Not even a brassiere?” she kept teasing, "You've always had such a fondness for breasts, I assumed you'd have some complex, dear.”

“No. Never.” Danny laughed uncomfortably, blushing at the implication. “I told you my father would’ve, well. I mean, he was in both wars, you know those guys. They can’t help it, different generations.”

He didn’t really want to think of his father too much. He didn’t openly hate him or anything, he was just sort of scared of him. He’d have violent fits of rage if the coffee had been burnt, if Danny flunked a test or even if a dog barked too loud.

It’s difficult for a child to bond with a man like that, or any parent for that matter, always tip-toeing around any small confrontation where even praise could be taken negatively. Suspicious you were out to get him at every word.

His brothers weren’t like that though. They were kind and gentle souls, till enlistment day. When a naïve 9 year old Danny watched them all join the service, dutifully joining their father fighting in the Pacific.

Don’t get me wrong, he admired them, idolized them for their bravery and their ability to come back and still see the good in humanity. However, he envied them. He’d never dare say it out loud though, especially considering how one of them, Charlie, never made it back.

Still, he saw the way they got a pat on the shoulder from every neighbor when they came home, or the praise and attention he’d always longed for from their parents - he couldn’t help but feel jealous.

Fine. Maybe there were some issues there, but he’d deal with them his own way. ‘Eventually,’ he lied to himself, like we all do.

He’d gotten so lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t even noticed at first how Jinkx’s eyes had glazed over. As if she was still there, just perhaps not as present. Even so, she kept her chipper smile, taking a big bite of runny eggs on toast.

“You know? Uh, the way those military men are?” he repeated.

She snorted, “That I do.”

“Say here. How is your family? Folks doing alright?” he asked, trying to make polite conversation rather than openly intrude. “I can only imagine how excited your mother must be to have a daughter.”

“Yeah…”

“Must have been strange for you, I’m sure to, to…am I stepping on some toes?”

“Oh heavens no, I just haven’t talked about it in ages. I wasn’t ready yet.” She shook her ginger hair to lay perfectly against her shoulders, sat up straight with her hands folded in front of her, and smiled her best attempt at a pageant smile. “Go ahead, ask me again.”

Danny quickly swept his hair flat with his palms and mimicked her straight back demeanor, going at it again but this time as if he was asking a colleague about the weekend. “Okay. How is your family, dear?”

“I don’t know.” Her eyes flicked around aimlessly before back at him. Probably trying to avoid thinking too hard. “I haven’t spoken to them in over 4 years.”

Uh oh, she was curt.

“Oh. I just always assumed your mother would be understanding.”

He wasn’t quite sure if he should keep pressing the issue, but Jinkx was casually eating her breakfast with the same vigor and gleeful energy as she had before the conversation shifted, so he assumed she was okay with it. Besides, he’d known her long enough. At least, when he used to know her ‘before Jinkx,’ he’d known her well enough that she’d never hide anything from him.

Could it really be that maybe he missed something? Maybe she was struggling all those years he’d pushed her away and he never saw past himself to reach out. He assumed she’d be strong enough to handle anything without him, it never even occurred to him to stop and just ask. Just check in at least once.

“She was.”

Without missing a beat, she stood up to put the tin coffee pot on the stove and flick the burners on.

“I sent my parents a letter and a photograph, of me, obviously. You know. I explained everything. My mother called me first. She told me that she didn’t quite understand it yet but that she loved me regardless.”

Danny studied her face, on the edge of his seat as her eyes hinted at a tearful glimmer. Her face turned back to stone before he could even register it happening.

“Later that night my father called me. He’d shot her dead.”

Danny’s heart sank. He instinctively reached for his shirt buttons, fiddling with them, twisting them - anything he could do to keep himself distracted from processing the horror of it just yet.

She swallowed, then went on. “And, he was planning on shooting himself too because he couldn’t get to me. One of us had to go, he said, but they arrested him before he had the nerve to go through with it. Worthless coward. Coffee?”

“How-“ He knew she wouldn’t want sympathy or a show of weakness, at least the old Jinkx wouldn’t, so instead he followed her lead and swallowed his pity. “Absolutely, I’d love some.”

The room had stalled quiet after her revelation, except for the noise of water bubbling in the pot, the traffic outside the window gearing up as people left their home to start the day, and a gentle hum from the neighbor’s radio.

Danny watched Jinkx prepare another cup of coffee for each of them, wondering what was going through her head as she tapped her long beige claws rhythmically against the countertop. Like she was tapping herself a little beat.

He felt a very heavy knot of guilt in the pit of his stomach. Like he should’ve known better, not just about inquiring so much but about the way he abandoned her for so many years after college. Never even a letter or anything.

As usual, someone else had to make the move for him before he’d finally pull himself together. He knew which letter she was referring to; he’d gotten a similar one 2 and a half years after ‘she’ dropped out of college.

He didn’t recognize the name on the envelope at first, but he knew the handwriting anywhere, he’d spent enough time studying it while copying notes she’d taken in their shared classes.

He understood what her mother meant; he didn’t understand it either. He couldn’t process it for weeks, couldn’t decide what to do. He’d spend hours and hours after class just staring at her photo.

All he could remember thinking was, ‘Look at how happy she is.’

One day, he got brave enough to call her like she’d asked, and it was amazing. It was like he’d blinked and she’d blossomed, not just the noticeable things. Her laugh - even her energy seemed happier, vibrant and alive.

It didn’t feel like talking to his college roommate, it felt like a whole new person. Never putting the two of them together in his mind, maybe he didn’t want to, maybe he wanted to keep them separated just enough he wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of his feelings.

Maybe he just wanted to enjoy having her and what she brought into his life as a ‘new’ friend. Including the butterflies you get seeing them laugh for the first time. The little smile you get thinking back on a joke they’d told you just knew would become a lifelong memory.

Even learning new details about her he never knew before - she liked white chocolates more than milk, she liked red wine more than white, she preferred coffee over tea but only on rehearsal days, she liked when your hand would caress the back of her neck but not her thigh.

Fine, yes. He may have explored more than just her mind after so many outings together, where they’d met in San Francisco one night. He couldn’t tell you how it happened the first time, and to be honest neither could I.

These things never have a beginning, it’s the way it goes when two friends finally get brave enough to acknowledge what they’ve both been feeling.

‘Besides,’ Danny had told himself. ‘I’ve done it with girlfriends in the past, she’s a girl and my friend. Why not? Would this really be that different?’

‘Oh god.’ He realized he had spiraled down a tangent. The knot in his stomach turning tighter as it hit him that never once during their letters, calls, dates, what have you - never once did he ask her about her parents.

They’d never discussed their families much before so it never hit him till now that she was unusually vague about them. He assumed that well, so was he during that time so what gave him the right to push her on the matter.

‘Dammit.’

“Say, I…I really am so sorry, I didn’t mean -“

“Oh no. I’m fine, mean it.” She dropped herself back into her seat and resumed eating some bacon. “See, people complain about how the poor dear family must weep for losing their son or daughter. Why must they suffer so having lost ONE family member? Nobody stops to think maybe the son or daughter has to grieve too, not just for themselves but, but for their family. Even the supportive ones.”

Danny found himself remembering a very different Jinkx, who’d made a very similarly grand speech to keep themselves from crying in school when they’d been caught cheating on a math test.

‘Why must we quarrel so over x = y or 2 + 2 doesn’t equal 3 when there are STILL children in this country starved. Not just for food, neigh, for nourishment of the mind, of the heart and soul. Not…algebra. After all, time goes by…so slowly…'

It made him happy thinking of those days, right when they’d met as college freshmen, and more importantly, before Jinkx dropped out to move away and change her life, leaving him behind. Back when it was just them, best friends daydreaming together in their own world.

“For what it’s worth,” he finally began, breaking the awkward sounds of a lonely knife and fork sliding over the plate. “I am very, very grateful I didn’t lose you.”

He stared up from his own plate to see Jinkx watching in shock at the sudden display of affection. The corners of her mouth twisting into a sincere smile, her brow furrowing as if she was holding back too many emotions to think about right now. And just as suddenly as you could say blink, she was back to herself.

“Thank you, dear. Now finish up; the bus won’t wait for you and if you miss another day what will they think?”

“You’re right.” He beamed, happy to see the color return to her cheeks.

He downed the last quick cup of coffee she made, despite the stinging burn it caused down his throat, and reached for the coat and hat combo that she’d purchased for him, so he’d look more professional. He foraged around some bills and newspaper clippings she’d left on the small desk by the door, trying to locate the briefcase he’d forgotten there on Friday.

“Does it bother you?”

“You kiddin’, not at all. I like reading your reviews between breaks. It gives me something to look forward to in meetings. Makes me feel like Lucy Ricardo if I’m honest with you.”

“Daniel,” she spoke seriously. Halting his movements with a firm grip on his wrist so he’d look at her while she stayed seated in the old, painted blue dining chair. “Does it bother you? Me?”

“Oh.” He finally caught on. “Why no. Why would it?”

“It’s just that since you’ve gotten here, every time we fuck...You seem…distant. I know we’re not exactly going steady or anything, but I’d like it if you were a little more attentive once in a while when you made love to me. Properly.”

“You mean…” Danny inhaled hard, fixing his tie.

He couldn’t particularly say why this bothered him so much, but suddenly this talk felt like something he shouldn’t be a part of. It terrified the shit out of him. Maybe he’d made a romantic gesture that he’d missed sooner.

“I mean, if you’re so unbothered, would you mind looking at me, or touching me, or kissing me? Not that I don’t enjoy getting straight to it. Maybe we could just…try it?“

“Oh.” He nodded, considering her sincere words. Not just thinking about them but really, really taking in what she was asking of him. Intimacy. A connection, anything. Not a proposal, just some comfort. It certainly wasn’t unreasonable; it was realistic.

She eventually dropped her head and her hand, clearly fed up with him taking so long to answer. “You’re right. Forget what I said, old friend.”

Shit. The last time Jinkx made an effort towards a deeper connection, he chickened out. He didn’t want to make the same mistake, he had to be more reasonable now.

“Dollface," he tried salvaging the situation, dropping to his knees in front of her so he could look at her face. “What time does your rehearsal end tonight, huh? I’ll try to pick you up and we’ll go out, make a night of it. Nice place to eat, maybe dance a little and then we can come home and, and I’ll - I’ll do whatever makes you happy? Okay?”

Jinkx’s frown began twitching back into a smile without her intending to, unable to keep a straight face at the big hazel eyes staring up at her with such empty promises and well intentions.

“Sure. I’ll call you at work.” She rolled her eyes. “Now go before you miss the bus.”

“Swell.” He jumped up, planting a big wet kiss on her forehead before he rushed out the front door and down the hall to the elevator.

He was sure she’d see through his façade, but he’d managed to pull it off and keep his cool under the pressure. Once he got on his bus though, he couldn’t help but drop his head in his hands as that knot of guilt dug itself deeper into his soul. His miserable, pathetic, black soul, he punished himself.

Thinking about her parents, which made him think about his own dead brother. Thinking about Jinkx and how she must’ve felt. Reaching out for the one thing we all want, a connection. It wasn’t all lies though—he did love Jinkx, but merely as a friend. Maybe. He couldn’t tell anymore.

Sure it’s swell having someone looking after you, cooking and cleaning for you, sucking your dick for you. Once or twice, they’d even come home drunk from the club together and he’d fucked her, which was enjoyable, make no mistake. Something had changed since their stolen moments together before moving to New York, and he couldn’t quite get his heart or his head to be as eager about it anymore.

He blamed Courtney and the Pink Flamingo Club. And Roy. And Morgan that…stupid emcee with the big muscles and even bigger breasts who’d walk around in slacks one night and a skirt the next. And Raja with their deep voice, short, fringed dresses and non-existent breasts that still somehow aroused him.

‘I’ll be damned, she's right, I do have a complex,” he groaned internally.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He heard a, strangely familiar, rough voice next to him.

“No. I’m scum, and I’m broke. I’m broke scum,” he whined, rubbing his eyes furiously with the back of his knuckles before he sat up. His mother would scold him for talking to strangers like this if she could but so be it, he deserved it.

“I’ve seen scummier,” Roy cackled from his chest next to him, clearly amused by his childishness. Wait, Roy?

“Roy!” he recognized, face draining white in a panic. “Oh...Roy. I- I-“ He began to stutter, his breathing picking up.

Roy darted his eyes around to see if the people around them had noticed, then quickly leaned in, pretending to lift his coat tail out from under him as he whispered, “Shh, it’s fine. Not here.”

Danny knew what he meant. Not in public, not this open. This wasn’t the time to regret curious questions in a bar or a kiss with a man you don’t even know past a first name.

He took Roy’s lead and turned it around, grabbing his hand with both of his for a vigorous, masculine shake. “Good t-to see you again, chum, how’s the mi- I mean how’s it going?”

He could tell despite the stern expression at first Roy was hiding a small smile behind it. The dimples in his cheeks noticeably deepening when their hands touched.

A touch Danny dropped as soon as possible, unsure how long was the appropriate time for acting natural and cool.

‘Shit. Has he been waiting for me? Is he mad? Should I say something?’

His panic began bubbling to the surface again. His hands reaching up to nervously fix his tie, his collar, fiddle with the buttons on his shirt - anything.

“I started a new job,” he blurted out, “at the bank.”

Roy nodded along with him, clearly unsure of where this was going at first too. “And you’ve been too busy to call or stop by the bar at the club or…walk down the street and wave at me?”

“Yeah.” He smiled his best ‘get out of jail’ grin. “Something like that.”

“Meaning, you and I are okay then?”

“Yes?” Danny swallowed. Unsure what he meant by ‘okay’ but he didn’t want to risk pushing the issue any further and explaining why he couldn’t wave to him or dare see him at the club.

His very presence haunting his sober brain with images of their inebriated kiss replaying in his mind over and over.

Roy coughed, maybe not so subtly, to get his attention back from his momentary daydreaming. Smoothing his thick black hair under his hat. “Now, it’s not the ‘bank’ getting you down, is it?”

Danny shook his head no.

“Then what’s got you so blue?”

“Girl troubles, roommate troubles. Both I suppose.”

Roy leaned back in his seat, nostrils flared, scraping some lint from his pants. “I see. I didn’t realize you and Jinkx were going steady.”

“No, we’re not. I don’t think we are. I mean, I - see, why do women have to be so damn complicated!” he huffed, crossing his arms like a rotten child. “You know a girl over eight years, she insists that all she wants is to stay your friend. Promises you nothing will come out of it and then bam!” He smacked his hands together. ”Suddenly she wants flowers and dinners and rings.” Hyperbole of course, but Roy didn’t know that.

“Sounds like you need a drink,” he tried sympathetically suggesting. Drumming his fingers on his knee while he waited for Danny to deny his request, but when neither could think of a good reason not to they settled it.

Roy stood up and pulled on the lever, asking the driver to stop the bus, directing Danny to come with him.

Danny was a bit hesitant about missing another day of work, but Roy reasoned with him that as long as he called them from the phone both outside the club and claimed he had a terrible cold, what could they do? It’s not like all of New York would come to a standstill because one bank teller had to miss a day’s work.

Besides, it was easy, he realized, mimicking Roy’s speech to his own employer, the same woeful little cough and clogged nose bit that a school boy would try with their mother.

“I thought you made costumes for movies?” Danny asked, confused when they finally made their way inside a depressing little dive bar tucked between two restaurants.

Roy hadn’t called a company or studio like he anticipated; he called the owner of the Pink Flamingo Club, pathetically promising to work every opening and closing shift for the rest of the week.

“That’s just Jinkx being facetious. Most of the time, I work behind the bar at the Pink Flamingo. A friend of mine who works in pictures calls me up to do jobs when something comes up that’s up my alley. Then I go back to the bar, so I can earn enough to last me till the next picture, rent a new closet to live in and sling drinks to keep from being broke. Or bored to death in some godforsaken office job.”

“Wow.” Danny gasped, amazed either way by how much more impressive his job description sounded than his own. As if every job didn’t sound more impressive than his own. “You’re like a superhero with a double life.”

Roy’s face completely broke at the seriousness in his compliment, making Danny click just how absurd what he said sounded. It was nice though, seeing him so happy, it made you feel at ease with the lightheartedness.

“I’m no Clark Kent, kid.” He kept cackling loudly even when the bartender slid their drinks over. “I just like to work while I can, you know. And be grateful for it.”

“I guess…” he sighed.

The shift in his attitude must’ve been a lot more noticeable than he believed as suddenly Roy’s tone softened. Guiding him to go sit in the back corner of the bar where they were hidden in the shadows, free to discuss all his woes with their 8am liquor.

First, he was a bit reluctant to share, so he asked Roy some questions about his own life, and where he came from. Roy told him about immigrating from Cuba, to which Danny had to bite his tongue to stop himself from asking like Desi.

However, Roy obviously either got that question regularly, or knew Danny well enough at that point, and acknowledged it before he could with a snippy, “Not like Desi. We were poor and Papi didn’t own half the fucking country…but I do like their rum.”

He talked about the few movies he’d worked on, talked about the actresses and actors he got to meet that made Danny swoon. He even mentioned how he'd been a veteran of the war, stationed in France during the invasion and then Australia - Danny made a note to ask him if he knew Courtney's elusive serviceman at a later date.

Eventually, as Danny grew more comfortable, it was more give than take. He began rattling off every single life event since his first day in kindergarten, when a little boy kicked sand onto his apple, but Roy listened and gave his input on everything. Praising his honesty, encouraging him to open up more.

He’d reached a boiling point he didn’t know he had and once he let it all out, he let it ALL out. For hours, he nursed the same 2 Irish coffees, too busy talking to even take a drink anyway. It was remarkable, the conversation flowing between them as freely and naturally as lifelong friends.

He told Roy about how he rushed home the day his father and brothers returned from war, how excited he was to finally tell them about everything they’d missed, how he wanted to hug them, kiss them - anything. Something he assumed Roy’s own loved ones must have been feeling.

Instead all they did that day was plan Charlie’s funeral. All the things he wanted to share about his budding adolescent firsts seemed so small and inconsequential as he watched his mother stoically browse through caskets.

“How did they find him?” Roy asked solemnly, his warm hand hovering over Danny’s knuckles hidden beneath the table, soothing him softly, carefully.

Danny took a sip from the dismal remains of his coffee, pulling a face at the bitter bland taste before he acknowledged the question. The fact that Roy wasn’t just listening but openly and patiently inquiring into what he was saying finally gave him the courage to say the words out loud.

“He managed to make it through 3 years of fighting in the Pacific, just to crash the truck he was driving back to the base. Isn’t that just like life sometimes?” He chuckled halfheartedly to keep his voice from breaking. He couldn’t help himself from clutching at the hand still holding his, desperate for a bit of human warmth. His eyes locking with Roy’s. “Just when you think you’re gonna be okay, something knocks you down.”

Maybe it was the poor ventilation in the bar, or the alcohol he’d sipped on without eating anything besides breakfast that day, but suddenly Danny felt his head go dizzy. Everything around him was almost standing still in a fog as he watched Roy’s lips.

Pondering how he got to this moment in his life, where the only thing he wanted was for him to kiss it all better.

“I’m very sorry for your loss.” Roy broke the silence, making Danny quickly fall back into his seat, frantically rubbing his face and smoothing out his hair as if he’d just woken up from a bad dream.

“What time is it?” He flailed around, looking for the watch he’d forgotten to put on this morning when he spotted a familiar blond man standing in front of the club at the bus stop.

“Shit!”

“What? What is it?” Roy tried asking.

“That’s Willam, shit, he’s a coworker. If he sees me here, he’ll think I’m…I’m -”

Roy’s eyes narrowed. “Think you’re what?”

“You know!” Danny exclaimed, throwing up his hands in exasperation. “He’ll think I’m…like you!”

“Like me, eh?” Roy retorted, sitting back in his seat with an unreadable expression, shooting back the last of his own drink before taking out a cigarette.

Danny was frozen; he didn’t know whether to run or hide. He didn’t want Willam to see him skipping out on work and report him, but without ever having to say the word out loud he knew what he meant, and he knew he couldn’t escape it this time.

“I thought that tur-” Roy started, taking a deep breath to calm himself. Looking around at the other four people in the bar. “I thought you were implying something different.”

“I - I never implied anything.”

“Yes you did and you know it.” He gritted his teeth as if he was holding something back. “I guess I was wrong about you though, huh? Or did you just get off on the idea of messing with me? Having a nice laugh at me giving you my number.”

“No.”

“Oh, so I wasn’t wrong then? You liked it?”

“No!”

They’d once again met at that pond, lost deep, deep in some repressed memories Danny held where their eyes met, predator and prey. Kicking himself for letting this happen again.

“Hold on." He approached the subject slowly, taking a deep breath. Palms defensibly held out by his hips. “Yes. I had a momentary lapse of judgment but I’m-I’m pretty sure, I’m not like, you know,” he swallowed, “that.”

Either it worked, or Roy had gotten too good at putting on a face as he seemed to return to his usual composed self. His expression, however, still felt as if he knew more than he was letting on, like he was 10 steps ahead in a game Danny didn’t even know how to play. “Okay.”

“Huh?”

“Okay,” he repeated, taking a long drag from his cigarette as he stood up, throwing some cash on the table. “If you say so. I’ll be at the club tonight though if you want to not talk about it some more.”

“I can’t, I’m taking Jinkx out…”

“Sure you are.” He patted Danny’s chest one last time and left. Leaving him there on his own, unsure of what to do.

Luckily, he managed to sneak home just in time to avoid being caught for his little day off escapades. But when he crossed the threshold, he suddenly had the urge to wash off something dirty from his soul and immediately hopped into the small shower.

Scrubbing for ages to try and cleanse something tainted from his hair, his skin, his very spirit maybe. The water turned cold by the time he realized how shriveled his fingers and toes had grown.

“Hey!” He heard Jinkx running into the living room, followed by shoes being kicked off, a coat thrown haphazardly onto something making it rustle, and then she reached his bedroom.

He’d been standing in front of the bed with his clothes all spread out, wondering what to wear but too lost in thoughts of what Roy had said. His spirit still dirty despite the raw skin.

“Well hell-o,” she teased by digging a finger into his brief’s waistband, not so subtly looking down at his ass.

“Hello to you too.” He feigned a sense of normalcy, reaching around to give her a quick cheek peck and a big fat hug. Her boundless enthusiasm was too much for him to contain, however, as she ran out before he could fully close his arms.

Heading towards her bedroom to change into an evening dress, he gathered, by the big closet door’s signature hinge squeak.

“Listen. I know you were so sweet to promise a date for tonight but I have a show business thing I have to do.”

‘Thank god.’

“You can come though! I need to meet the new director and go over some things with him, so I suggested we meet at the club.”

‘Shit!’

“Actually, I would just feel like I’m in your way, dollface. Why don’t you go alone?” he tried to argue, leaning against the doorway, forgetting he was still in his underwear.

“Nonsense! I’ll buy you a drink and you can talk to the band boys about that audition. It’ll be great. Once you get dressed. Hop to it.” She snapped her fingers.

“Great for who?” he mumbled, almost certain she heard it.

By the time they’d met up with the director at the club, Danny’s heart felt like it was going to fall out of his ass. It was beating violently, making him nauseous, knowing Roy would take this as a win.

He tried fighting Jinkx on the matter but she seemed so insistent he come along that he couldn’t say no.

Fine, he didn’t fight that hard. He barely fought at all; he wanted to see Roy. Despite what he said, he still wanted to see him. He couldn’t stop seeing him every time he closed his eyes and he needed the real thing.

“Thank god,” he praised under his breath when they walked in and Roy was nowhere to be seen. He could relax. Coming to terms with this being some joke the older man had tried playing on him meant soon enough he could breathe normally again.

The rest of the night went great. They chatted, danced a few numbers, had a great meal and again, more than a fair share of drinks.

He felt so at ease, so affirmed in his role as the straight-laced man of the house his parents had expected of him. Jinkx was in her element, flattering the director with grace and elegance, buttering him up with invitations to dinners at their apartment as she lazily played with the button on his sleeve all night.

He finally felt like things might be all right. Ish. As always though, when things were going a little too great, he came back from the bathroom to see who but Roy and that night’s singer, Trinity, at their table.

Roy positioned, coincidentally of course, in the seat next to his acting as if he hadn’t seen him in ages. Shaking his hand and dropping a phony, “Daniel right?”

A name he knew good and goddamn well from their discussions that day that only 2 people called him - Jinkx and his mother.

Trying to keep his composure, Danny politely nodded, shaking his hand before he sat back down. Unable to follow the rest of the conversation that took place about singers, back up dancers and even costuming.

His only contribution being when Trinity asked what he did and if he was also in show business. He didn’t hear her at first due to Roy’s leg pressing against his, causing a momentary brain lapse.

“Banker.” He coughed. “Well, bank - um bank teller.”

“Oh please.” Jinkx cackled, patting his hand. “That’s just temporary, he's the best singer around here, besides myself and Miss Bonet of course.”

“Is that so?” Trinity inquired, shooting Roy a brief glance.

“Y-“

“Of course!” His drunk roommate interrupted again, making Danny purse his lips into a forced smile. “He also plays three instruments AND writes his own songs. I keep telling him he should audition for the band here but he’s a little shy.”

“That’s enough, dear.” He tried to play it cool through his blushing, struggling to tell her to shut up without using so many words.

“Why didn’t you say so? I got this little thing her first gig here, I can get you one,” Roy nonchalantly commented from next to him.

‘Oh sure,’ he thought, but the rest of the table began encouraging him to go for it. Words of affirmation made it too embarrassing to reject the offer so he agreed and followed Roy out to the back of the stage where, allegedly, the club owner liked to work alone.

“Bunny?” Roy knocked on the big red door before he pushed it open, examining the empty office space. “Guess she’s not here.”

Even if he tried, Danny couldn’t tell you what came over him, he grabbed Roy by the perfectly starched collar and slammed him against a wall. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“What?”

“You can get me a gig, really? And that leg thing, what's wrong with you?”

“What?” Roy asked, seeming genuinely taken aback. “I thought I was helping you? I thought we were friendly? What leg thing?”

“…oh.” Danny tried pulling away, suddenly feeling very silly, but his head was too clouded by the realization that he still had Roy pinned beneath him. Worse, that he had Roy pinned beneath him with a growing erection.

Roy had obviously noticed the bulge pressed against his thigh, as anyone would, and smirked with a slight glint in his eyes. “Not like me, huh?”

“It doesn’t mean anything.” He quickly let go, shooting to the other side of the small room like a frightened deer with his hands desperately covering his crotch.

“I’m sure it doesn’t,” Roy teased, scratching his chin awkwardly pretending to look away. “But, the offer still-uh, still stands. About Bunny, not the debauchery, or the number, as you’ve pointed out.”

“I wanted to call, um, but -” Danny tried defending but it felt pointless. He felt tired, unsure of what to do or say. Instead he just shook his head and buttoned his jacket back up to hide his embarrassment.

“I don’t understand you?” Roy crossed his arms, turning further away from him, this time with his whole body.

“What?”

“You asked me those things at the bar which, I’ll admit I took the wrong way. Clearly…” He tilted his head in Danny’s direction but kept his eyes on the wall. ”But you sat with me all day, I mean, I genuinely thought maybe you liked me.”

“Oh,” he repeated. He hadn’t considered that. Hadn’t taken Roy’s feelings into account, instead trying to think how he could still win this fight.

“Why are you hiding now though?”

“I’m not.” He was. Talking about your parents all day will have that effect on you, bringing that recognizable self-loathing back in a person. Even making him a little sheepish at that moment. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine. Better get back to the table then,” Roy exhaled, holding the door open for him.

He nodded, leaving Roy alone in the office.

As he made his way back to the table, defeated, he was intercepted by Jinkx going towards the bathroom, the two of them colliding into each other with a thud. Danny managed to grab hold of her by the shoulders and steady them both.

“Sorry, Doll, I didn't think to check where I was going.”

“I see that. Blood rushed somewhere else maybe?” she joked, eyeing between them where the bigger than usual bulge was still poking through.

‘Shit.’

“I guess it just…really likes running into you,” Danny quickly recovered, trying to save face before she asked too many questions.

Jinkx smiled a big grin and leaned into his ear with a husky tone, “Didn’t know you were such a romantic, why don’t I take care of that for you before we go back?”

Her whispers sent shivers up and down his back and straight to his groin, making his underwear painfully tight and his head painfully cluttered. How could he say no though? He needed to forget this day, he needed someone safe and familiar to hold onto till his world stopped spinning.

They rushed out the back door where he’d witnessed the spectacle with Courtney and a certain set of lovers, checking first this time that they were in fact alone.

They wasted no time, crashing into one another the second they established they were out of sight. Frantic kisses landing on exposed necks, lips, ears, wherever they could.

Danny’s hands cupping her face aggressively to pull her in for a passionate open-mouthed kiss. Hearing her moan, her cheeks and neck growing hot against his lips as he finally gave her the attention she’d asked for. Even if he knew it wasn’t for her, his mind could barely keep track of who it was picturing, Roy flashing into it every so often as he fought against his temptations.

“My my,” Jinkx moaned, dropping to her knees to wrestle his belt off. “Poor baby, you look like you’re fit to burst.”

“Maybe you’re just - aaah, that amazing,” he cried out when she took his thick cock into her mouth. Biting into his knuckles when the sensation overwhelmed him.

She didn’t seem to notice, or react if she did. Her red hair jostled wildly as she moved her head. Enveloping him fully, causing the thick vein on the side of his cock to pulse and his legs turn to jelly.

He held onto the wall behind them, bare palms flattened against it for support as his hips bucked wildly into her mouth. Groaning and cursing so loud and without care, he didn’t hear the door next to them open.

Barely enough for the light to poke through but enough that once he noticed, he caught Roy’s eyes watching them. His mouth opened as if he was about to say something before he saw them. An unreadable expression plastered across his sculpted face.

‘Dammit to hell,’ he cursed mentally, wishing Roy would be more animated like Jinkx with her heart on her sleeve. It’s tough enough trying to figure out what’s going on in your head let alone someone else’s.

Regardless, his own mind told him to stop, to immediately pull out and pretend nothing happened, maybe even confront Roy. Call him a bastard, a pervert, anything. He couldn’t.

He grabbed Jinkx and quickly spun her around, unable to contain himself any longer, spitting a good glob of saliva into his hand and onto his cock while she lifted her many skirt layers, reading his overzealous intentions all too well. Giggling like a lovesick schoolgirl, eager to please on prom night.

“Don’t bother being gentle,” she growled against the wall, arching her back to let him slide in and push her chest further into the bricks.

Trying to get on his tippy toes for easier access, he cursed her high heels vehemently before he grabbed onto her hips finally and dropped his forehead against the nape of her neck. Success! Sweet, sweet success.

Jinkx moaned loudly, unabashedly enjoying the moment. Distracting him briefly from the onlooker who caused this peep show to begin with.

His face tilted to the left where he could keep an eye on Roy, Jinkx pushed her hips back further with another loud wail, his own lips parting into a silent scream as her tight asshole stretched over his cock.

“That’s it. Like that,” she praised when his hips resumed their furious humping, hooking her fingers with his, unaware that while she was moaning out his name he was too busy saying silent prayers to Roy to even register.

His teeth gritted, eyes straining against the poor light so he could watch Roy for just a little longer. Studying the way his dark eyes sparkled in the softest bit of glow coming through. He’d pressed his lips into an acknowledging smile and started moving back towards the noise of the club when Danny shook his head no.

‘This is wrong.’

He knew it was. But his body craved the familiar, that human warmth again. His tipsy, confused mess of a mind however wanted the thrill of it.

He wanted Roy to see that his cock might’ve been inside Jinkx at that minute but not his mind. His mind was his to play with, to live in, not hers.

He couldn’t hold it any more, too filled with lust to care if he couldn’t last long enough, he furrowed his brows and tilted his head down as he grunted one last time. Slamming his hip bones flat against Jinkx’s round ass cheeks as he came.

Dropping his heels back down onto the ground with his twitching, limp dick sliding back out of her. His body felt as spent and tired as his soul, saying one last prayer to whoever would listen. Even if it was Roy or Jinkx. Anyone willing to hear.

“Sorry.” He whispered tentatively into her back, not just for what a mess he’d made between her legs but well, you know.

He didn’t have to say it, he didn’t have it in him yet.

“It’s okay, baby,” she reassured with a gentle lilt, taking the handkerchief he’d handed her to wipe them both clean. “You know I love it when you don’t hold back.” She turned to face him, adding, “So animalistic.”

He wondered if he should laugh at her dirty little comment but some shame still hung heavy on his shoulders. “Did you, um, should I?”

“No dear, you did good. You did very very goooood,” she praised seductively, planting a barrage of kisses on his face. Smothering him with the compliments he needed to soothe his ego.

Danny felt that pang of guilt again. Lavishing in the giddy affection he was receiving from her despite knowing that mere moments ago he pushed her aside, no pun intended, so he could focus on his fantasies again. Worried that if she ever found out, she’d think this was some sick joke he was playing on her.

When they went back inside, the director and Trinity were still chatting at the bar, presumably none the wiser of what had just occurred. No one knew, it seemed. Except Roy. Roy was sitting down in his chair with the most smug, shit eating grin plastered on his face as Danny sat down next to him.

“Where’s your little friend?” he asked, lighting two cigarettes between his teeth.

“She’s powdering her nose,” he responded, trying to avoid eye contact.

More lies. He was getting good at this, what would his mother say if she saw him?

‘When are you gonna man up and take responsibility?’

“Of course she is.” Roy leaned over to place one of the cigarettes he just lit into his mouth before the others returned. “Saw everything at Rock Hudson’s parties huh?”

“Yeah,” he winced, taking a big puff, still keeping his eyes straight ahead rather than acknowledging him.

“Yeah…”

“Don’t tell anyone,” Danny whimpered like a scared child, unexpectedly reaching his hand over, desperately gripping Roy’s hand before the others came back. Just a small act of comradery to assure him they were still okay.

“I…won’t.” Roy shifted uncomfortably in his seat briefly before snapping back to his laid back persona again. Patting Danny on the shoulder reassuringly, instructing him to follow suit. “Just act normal…”

#rpdr fanfiction #rpdr art #fic inspired #jadore #biadore #adore delano #jinkx monsoon #bianca del rio #m/m au #queer au #trans character #1950s au #smut #angst #rock hudsons parties #imafuckinglibra #tw mentions of war and death #tw era-appropriate internalized homophobia

15 notes · View notes