#I cannot think rationally
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Well . . . fuck me and my sanity, I guess.
#our youth#miseinen mijukuna oretachi wa bukiyo ni shinkochu#this boy . . .#I LOVE HIM!#I cannot think rationally#I cannot form logical thoughts#this boy has me losing my mind#he is a minx and . . . AHHHHHH
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Actually, no, we should know what a woman is. If you’re going to challenge a term, you have to come up with a new definition. If we are going to have a rational conversation, all terms must be defined.
If woman doesn’t mean adult female human, what does it mean? If you’re getting defensive reading this, that’s a problem. You should be able to know what you’re arguing for. You should be able to tell people what you’re arguing for. Otherwise, what the fuck are you even doing? Why are you arguing about something that, if undefined, logically does not exist?
I would love for everyone to be happy. Delusion is not happiness. I need to know whether this is delusion or not.
#philosophy#what is a woman#what is it#define your fucking terms losers#you cannot claim to be right if your claims are on irrational grounds#I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOURE TALKING ABOUT#YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOURE TALKING ABOUT#if you do please fucking tell me#seriously just tell everyone#if you don’t#maybe that’s something you should think about#gender critical#what other tags should I add#rational#logic
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@ null
Let me go ahead and give you a proper response, because I think this needs to be addressed.
Fucking hell.
I wrote a whole probably better worded response to this that Tumblr destroyed so you get this.
*deep sigh*
Lets try this again slowly. You are obviously very upset and running with things completely out of context. It's incredible to me that of all the things said in that post, you somehow came to the conclusion that my argument is that it's okay to draw naked kids. Truly incredible.
I am not defending pedophilia. Pedophilia does not need to be defended, it is a mental disorder. The word "pedophile" is not the same word as "child predator" let's get that very clear right away. I don't care how uncomfortable it makes you. I refuse to moralize primal human psychology.
The point of my post was to stop moralizing primal human psychology, desires and fixations. Full stop.
I am not defending illustrated CSAM, I am not saying it's okay that this content exists or encouraging its creation. I am making the very real and important distinction between illustrated contextual fantasy and illegal CP content. No, drawing r34 of a cartoon character isn't going to immediately catch you a charge. It is highly dependent on the context and the way the act is portrayed. There is an immense amount of nuance here and I'm not going to discount it to make your life easier.
I'll say it again: We as a people do not know how to determine why something is actually wrong. You yourself clearly do not.
The issue with the situation you describe has always been children being exposed to inappropriate content. It does not matter if it is illustrated, real, written in text or spoken aloud.
Children being exposed to any type of inappropriate content is traumatizing. It is not the existence of porn or fetish content that hurts kids, it is being exposed to it by predatory adults.
This content cannot harm children unless an adult is actively harming them. Your abuser could have used any kind of content to groom you. Your issue is not with the existence of fetish content or grown adults engaging with consenting adults in private.
Your issue is with *children* being *exposed* to inappropriate material. And fetish content, sexual content, violent content, is not for children.
Yes, consuming extreme and illegal fetish content can increase your predisposition to causing harm.
But fantasized illustrated and exaggerated content is not snuff. Eroticism is not porn and porn is not snuff. Two consenting adults engaging in pet play is not bestiality. Furry porn is not bestiality. Age play is not pedophilia. There are no children and no animals involved in this situation. Watching real depictions of crimes will erode someone's sensitivity to it., that is true. Watching campy exaggerated horror movies does not make you a violent freak who loves murder. Finding an image of a fake anime girl hot does not directly translate to finding real children attractive or wanting to engage with them. I'm so sick of us watering down what pedophilia is.
Adults engaging with other adults does not harm children. Full stop. Is it weird? Yes, as fuck. It's allowed to be weird and gross. That does not make it harmful.
I said in my reblog that inappropriate content does not belong on all ages sites. Extreme fetish content must be restrained to monitored and moderated adult only forums so that illegal content can be identified and investigated. Porn is traumatizing for children to see in general. That does not mean we need to ban porn for the entire population. The issue isn't the porn. It is the access to it by minors.
Does this mean illustrated CSAM okay? No. I said that multiple times, idk how many times I have to say it. No. No. No it is not definitely okay. Not everything needs to be so aggressively black and white. It does not have to be the worst thing in the world to be a red flag. It is not normal. It is still problematic, it is still inappropriate. It is still a red flag. It is still risky.
What that means is that we need to approach these things with consideration and respect so that it does not evolve into something dangerous.
It means keep fetish content where it belongs, on adult sites.
It means report fetish content when you see it on public platforms and social media sites
It means keep adult conversations between adults.
Predators exposing kids to inappropriate content is not the fault of sex workers trying to make a living. Predators exposing kids to inappropriate content is not the fault of adults coping with their condition in non-harmful and private ways.
Pedophilia is a mental disorder, and I refuse to moralize human psychology. The mass majority of people who suffer from this condition are former victims of childhood sexual assault. I am not defending predators or predatory behavior. Not all pedophiles are predators and I refuse to persecute a group of people with no justification other than my discomfort. I don't care how hard that is. Life isn't easy. I am willing to preserve the uncomfortable nature of the truth if it means preserving the truth.
People who have problematic, unethical and illegal fetishes, kinks and, fixations deserve space and empathy. I will say it 1000 more times.
You observing behavior between sexual predators means nothing to me. I am not going to assert that all people who engage with paraphilias act the way that sex traffickers do. Nor am I going to assert that all drug users are irresponsible addicts. Again, too simple of an explanation for an incredibly complex topic and a gross generalization of a huge group of people. I will not treat an entre population as if they are corrupt. Doing so does not stop the corruption.
You still think I'm a deplorable monster? Block me.
And the next time you see disturbing content that is not for you, Block that too.
Block and avoid things that make you feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Do not engage in conversations that are not meant for you.
I swear there always has to be at least one person who takes a single sentence completely out of context and just runs with it, its like one of the inevitabilities of the universe or something. I guess it wouldn't be a Luciferian take if it wasn't unjustly distorted by at least one person so.
#like really guys#I get it#It is a sensitive topic that can elicit very strong feelings#but if you are too emotional to think rationally#you may not be ready to engage with this conversation#so dont#Don't trigger yourself and revive past traumas by engaging in conversations you know you cannot handle#because you simply will not do the conversation justice#or give it the nuance it deserves#lucifer devotee#theistic luciferianism
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So riding with the fact that majima is gay, do you think he forgot that with the amnesia? Like do you think he's confused in some way that he's just inexplicably not attracted to the women he's meeting? Or do you think that it's something he just knows about himself, to some degree, whether he has the label or not?
im so glad u asked




i am personally choosing to interpret this as him definitely noticing that he has absolutely 0 interest in women and realizing hes attracted to men and going "yeah i dont think i was um. married"
i dont think it would like. confuse him? hed just be like oh ok cool. so thats a thing about me
#i think hes p open minded in his amnesiac state#bc. no status to maintain#and i dont think he would even find it 'inexplicable' that hes not attracted to women#he either would not think twice about it or just be like oh ok. im gay (if he also noticed that he was attracted to men)#honestly i think its not a priority to him. like. i dont think its on his mind at all to label himself or figure out his sexuality#that being said my mind is still not entirely made up on whether or not he was aware of it pre-amnesia in the first place#i have some. deranged thoughts on that#but yeah like why are you 'pretty sure you were a bachelor' majima.....#yes yes bc youre yakuza and someone wouldve mentioned if you had a wife worried about you#but it could be in secret. like#it feels like. theres more to it than that. yknow#it feels like a 'feeling' he has more than Rational Analysis he did on the spot#its also interesting to me that his idea of himself aligns with being a bachelor#like he cannot imagine himself married. and. doesnt really want to!#well theres also the. yknow. realizing hes too violent to have a domestic life#anyway#asks#majima gaiden#majeem
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Why am I so weird seriously, I see a monster that's basically two shining eyes in the darkness and my reaction is "aww baby boy I wanna smooch him" whut
#Slay the Princess#the long quiet#it's the pointy ears I think#I cannot rationalize it#this creature of darkness is giving me puppy vibes
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i’m in the mood to read/write the most self indulgent sci-fi swarla au. underworld as a ship, part of a greater human flotilla, carla at its helm. lisa with her own tiny cruiser, which she spends more nights in than she does back at her apartment on the greater populated ship (too many memories). perfect mental image in my head of betsy tearing up and customising her fleet-issued standard citizen uniform so that her belly’s showing. plot? unrealised, just let me enjoy the aesthetic. 🥹
#but also#getting thrown together in the worst disaster separated from the fleet#and ALSO making their own mechanical/engineering repairs because everybody in this situation would need to know the absolute basics#or even! one of them spends more time in space while the other is based on a nearby barely populated planet#i literally cannot stop thinking actually about a swarla ammonite au (the novel not the movie)#but really the main thing here is carla connor in a ponytail with engine grease on her cheeks this should be the ultimate takeaway#for important reasons#and she’d hate it so much#but you can’t say my girl is afraid to get her hands dirty when it really comes down to it#(thinking specifically of that one time trevor mistook her as the underworld cleaner lmao)#i doubt i’ll ever write this but i’m going to spent the next 2-7 weeks thinking about it probably#the aesthetic is space dust and tactile controls and dehydrated rations and laser pistols and lesbians with full bush#you can see the pinterest board so clearly already can’t you
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I HATE WHEN I DON'T LIKE SOMETHING THAT I HAVE NO REASON TO DISLIKE BUT I JUST CAN'T GET INTO IT!! I legit try to reconcile my feelings of discomfort surrounding it but sometimes it has no clear reason and I get mad at myself like omg it makes sense and could be fun why don't you like it? I try to go through all my biases and emotions surrounding it and even how media portrays it and fandom talks about it and all and I just. Can't figure out why I'm so averse!!
#ranting#but its so so frustrating#i genuinely want to like it but i can't#maybe those feelings will change but until then... sigh#this is also about a lot of things such as popular movies/shows characters ships etc#i always try to rationalize my dislike#especially if i think it could be an internalized thing or biases#but sometimes i cannot pinpoint a reason and if it's popular i HATE IT#like GRRRR#anyway
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relationship dynamics and gender are like identity and time to me . Concepts to give some sense of consistency and unity . To try and understand things that are fluid. Little gods we've made because we don't like change and inconsistencies
#have you been in a psychology class?#I've only taken basic ones. but isn't it *fascinating* how the human brain hates inconsistencies? how it will try to rationalize anything#its why we simply cannot let things be.#i cannot think clearly enough to figure this puzzle out. it feels like looking through the answer from cracks in a door. I just cant read i#for a moment i see it. and then its gone again#but its there#something that boils down to maybe the answer really is 'i dont know' sometimes#or maybe i dont know isnt quite right#maybe you know but you cannot explain#or maybe you dont need to know#something you feel but you cannot explain something you can envision but cannot see#something that you *know is there* but you cannot comprehend it#so youre left trying to guess a shape from the shadows it casts. you can see the shadows. and thats all you'll ever have
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I didn't want to ask about the hospital stuff, but I'm glad to hear you'll be getting treatment!! And I really really hope it goes well and helps you feel better, you deserve a less stressful life, a beautiful life free of the brain bees. My heart is with you!!
thank you so much anon!! i've been doing SO much to quiet the brain bees and it takes so, so much out of my day to keep those brain bees quiet. cannot WAIT to not have an active beehive in my skull.
#i need to be sedated.#i've developed so many bad habits over this time just trying anything that would quiet the brain bees. often it's alcohol.#alcohol is the only surefire thing so. i suspect i should be medicated. not self-medicated.#please kids. don't turn to alcohol as the solution to your problems. it unfortunately does fix mine but causes. other problems.#i'm so exhausted and cannot wait to have a quiet brain again. my brain used to be quiet.#i miss how my brain was before. my brain is SOO awful now.#well no. it's not my brain even. my brain thinks so rationally but my body doesn't.#brain can say “nothing to worry about” but my heartbeat says “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”#guys i am SO exhausted. i'm so bone tired.#i'm so tired of the fight. i can't wait to win.#i want to win.#i need a WIN.#sci speaks
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being by children who misbehaved is NOT trauma my g
also at SOME point you gotta stop calling everyone critiquing you ableist and grow up
Still can't leave me alone, huh?

#i very literally *am* traumatised#do you think i would be this vehement if i weren't#if it were just that i was autistic and got overstimulated by them then i think I would have agreed with#whatever-their-name-was's point about that and moved on#however i have seen the worst in children and#because trauma is not rational#i cannot *not* think of those kids when interacting with other children#i would seriously hate to see how you treat other traumatised people#if this is what you have to say to me#anti child safe#anti child#proudly anti child#pro childs dni#pro kid dni
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when you haven't had ice cream in a few months, soy milk with chocolate syrup in it is BASICALLY ice cream
#saturday grocery shopping trip cannot come quick enough i feel like i'm withering#i'm on my last carton of soy milk so i have to ration my servings#think i'm gonna start buying EIGHT cartons at a go instead of six#sometimes i think 50% of my protein intake is soy milk. not soy. just soy milk.#adam yaps
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on today's episode of 'acaica's background thoughts for the dess raises kris au': okay but lets be serious do dess and chara actually stay together in the end--
#drkau#chatter#i debate over this point SO OFTEN LOL#they are BACKGROUND characters. like medium at best.#dess (or asriel or both you can argue any way) is the catalyst for everything but at the end of the day this is a kids story#and noelle IS still going to be the main character#but. man. does desschara work it out#their dynamic will be by far one of the hardest ones to write it think#it is very messy and very complicated and neither of them make great choices#and ive been writing a test piece of them for a WHILE#which. was good to get a decent nail of their characters as they stand in this au#but introduced SO MUCH MORE MESS. bc chara is aroace and 100% has some trauma and fucked-up feelings around sex#but xe DOES have sex with dess. and its like. does xe fully consent to it? yes!#does dess check in to be sure hey you're down bc she knows chara is ace while she isnt? also yes!!!#by the books they do everything right its just. chara is very very very good at rationalizing things.#and xe is. not actually as okay with this as xe is trying to be. and in fact this is very unhealthy for xir#(and then theres this whole OTHER layer of dark worlds and prophecies and everything that leads to frisk being born)#and its like. man. Man. this is so much to juggle#just everything between desschara is jngdfg they are trying their bests but it really is not going that well#bc they meet at like. 19-20 i think and chara's had nobody at all and sorta keeps chasing being someone's most important person#and dess has never had someone who has understood her on a level like chara#who really truly gets what shes about as a person and how she operates in the world#and its just a perfect storm really. and they both have kids and dess did technically kidnap hers just a little bit#and she never tells that to chara. and she tries but she cannot stay in place with xir#and chara couldnt hate her bc. again. has never experienced unconditional love#or love at all really </3 so instead of ever having hard conversations xe will brush it all under the rug#and sorta just enable dess's worse impulses. even sometimes at the expense of their literal children#ITS MESSY YALL. AND LIKE.#at the end of the day we'll see lol maybe they work it out maybe they dont. i have no idea. ive gotta write the thing#and if dr chapters 3&4 come out that could complicate things even FURTHER--
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ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode
#crow.txt#the absolute levels of stress im under could create diamonds out of free floating carbon atoms my fucking god#can i have. Literally just one day of peace. just one!! fuck!!!!#at least now i have SOME validation from everyone else of shit that mom has honestly kinda always done#be absolutely furious and bitchy usually for no good goddamn reason and then immediately turn it off to look good in front of someone else#i had a feeling mom coming home was gonna be utterly miserable sooner rather than later#i literally cannot leave my room without her yelling for dad bc she thinks im him i guess. she has gotten him up like 4 times now#what the fuck do you want any of us to doooooooooooo. according to dad shes also just been really fucking hateful today#including to her SISTER who has been facilitating literally everything medically for her for the last month plus#like on one hand i know its hard and frustrating etc etc absolutely. on the other. what the fuck are you yelling at any of us for!#whatd we do! not a damn thing for the most part! holy shit im exhausted#and then im sure she will have the audacity to wonder why i dont really want to interact with her much rn#its very apparent she doesnt really understand whats going on or how much of anything works at this point including hospice care#but i truly cannot help you when your knee jerk response is to yell and be abusive. like. dads not been great either#bc hes also one to bitch and moan and yell abt shit. but like. so is mom. more than usual#and ill actually be damned if i let her treat me like that honestly ever again. like idk for once i can just#walk away from this behavior with zero consequences. i dont have to take it anymore. im not free but at least im fuckin closer than i was#guess my aunt wasnt kidding when she said her being coherent and rational last week might be the calm before the storm
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seeing people dissect fictional relationships & say they can’t ship it because the two characters knew each other as kids or because there’s a power imbalance or because there’s something toxic about the dynamic etc is literally so foreign to me. its so far from any point of relatability I can’t even fathom thinking like that. it’s like seeing someone say they don’t like chocolate because it’s too sweet. like ok man. I don’t understand you at all but I suppose I respect your choice to live a life I could never even imagine or fathom choosing
#like thinking that way is so far out of my scope of thought or how I respond to fiction I legitimately just cannot even imagine relating#yeah I’m ignoring the text from my boss asking why I’m not in a meeting & her lack of response to my confusion considering I’m off#like. I’m 100% correct & rational for not just assuming I’d come in on my off day#that’s actually bizarre no one would assume that#anyway#fandom#shipping#rambling
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Oh sometimes I wish I wasn’t so insanely stubborn <3
#sighs#chat how do I simply accept when I am wrong#so I’m able to do things I enjoy#I said something a couple days ago which means I cannot change my mind#or do something different#bc I already spoke it into words#so if I change my mind people will think lesser of me#and think I’m weak and crazy and dramatic#(yes I know this is not rational)#(I just hate being wrong or doing anything that makes me seem weak)
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fighting demons all day . should i post this poem.
#if anyone saw me change the poll to add an option so i can see results LOLLLL no u didn't <3#TO ADD CONTEXTTTTTTTT i am thinking of handing it up in english class instead. we Might have a poetry assignment in our near future#so maybe notttttttt. but at the same time OUFGH. i promised myself i wouldnt ration ideas anymore. hmmmm.#becaues likkke. i always used to save my ideas for later and i'd hardly ever come up with new ones because i'd just develop ones i saved#and then i had a writing workshop over the summer where my wonderful instructor quoted “you cannot write 52 shit short stories”#which is maybe the best way i've heard practice makes perfect. all this to say i should post it and hand up a newer poem#(should the assignment. like. actually fucking arise)#I AM UNDECIDEDDDDDDDD so if anyone has any opinoins. hiii
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