#I cannot wait for them to cast her dad

[ampresandian]

Thoughts about Annabeth's dad?

Canonically, Athena's children come from her mind, embodying the respect she has for the intellectual capacities of the mortals she gifts them to. We know gods can show up in multiple forms, but there's usually some features that are similar across their children (in the books at least--Hermes' cabin having mischievous upturned noses, Athena's cabin having blonde hair and grey eyes), leading us to believe they have preferred appearances or features that come across in their "DNA" that overwrite those of their human partners, etc.

My question is, is Annabeth Black (in the show) because of her had or in spite of him??? Did Athena fall in love with a Black man and give him a child that looks like him, or hope that his intelligence would be enough to help him navigate having a daughter of a different race, who would have different struggles even before you consider her immortal heritage?

AND: does it add to her family situation/struggles, or detract from them, if the conflict stems in part from her skin color as well as the whole "monsters are after me" thing??? Especially if her stepmother isn't Black (in the book I think she's Asian?), and like if Baby Annabeth thinks she's unloved at home for more than just her godly blood???

[finalgirlmoment]

Noteworthy details about the first two PJOTV episodes (spoilers)

First of all, every single of them ATE DOWN. just wanted to throw that out there, i'm so so impressed with the cast, everyone was perfect and gorgeous and i'm completely sat for any and all future installments. A fine piece of media. Let's begin.

Percy's confusion and bewilderment finding out that he's a demigod. "You fell in love with God.... like, Jesus????" LMFAO but seriously his frustration in this moment, thinking there's something actually wrong with his brain, feeling lost and confused and hurt and BROKEN. the struggle in that moment is so relatable to people discovering they have some sort of mental illness or neurodivergence, especially when they weren't believed/listened to etc and i think walker played this part beautifully

GROVER AND PERCY PLAYING MYTHOMAGIC TOGETHER. GROVER AND PERCY PLAYING MYTHOMAGIC TO TRAIN PERCY. I AM LITERALLY SCREAMING OFF ROOFTOPS THE IMPLICATIONS THAT THIS HAS???? ARE YOU ACTUALLY JOKING??????? IMAGINE SEASON 3 PERCY FINDS NICO AND THEY HAVE THIS IN COMMON???????????!?!?!?!?!? FEELING SEVERELY FRANTIC AND MASSIVELY UNWELL ABOUT THIS

luke's empathy towards Percy throughout-- his apologies for what happened to his mother at the bottom of Half Blood Hill, him telling P that he relates to the nightmares, the restlessness, the ADHD..... so fucking sick and fucking twisted, I will be sobbing at the ending, gorgeous job on both ends on making this relationship feel very warm and authentic and the trust starting to build. this will H U R T.

CLARISSE. she's so gorgeous and vindictive. Her beauty took me off guard initially, but she's such a spiteful little badass that I completely fell in love with her. I CANNOT WAIT to see more of her characterization, especially into season two. perfection.

Percy burning the blue jelly beans- the thing he'd miss most- out in the middle of the woods at night in a damn can, just to pray to his MOTHER. *sobbing intensifies* i couldn't ask for a more sweet, heartfelt, honest moment. the perfect addition. 10s across the board

Percy's ANGER. OH BOY this was one of my most favorite parts. I feel like we see Percy as a very happy-go-lucky kid altogether but I loved, LOVED to see his frustration and agitation from the very beginning. Everything is so confusing and foreign and all he knows is that 1. he's been betrayed or left behind by everyone he knows and 2. he's been ignored his whole life by his godly parent. His mission is to MAKE HIS DAD SEE PERCY, at ANY COST. Before he even knows who his dad is. He is entitled to feel ALL of this anger and hurt and resentment!!!!!!!

Annabeth calling Percy "sunshine". TOTAL CULTURAL RESET. I gasped. The dawn of a new age of Percabeth. I will be screaming into my pillow about this for the foreseeable future.

The entire characterization of Percy throughout the capture the flag scene. His contrast of being just a kid- flossing (lol), peeing the woods, petting a gecko, just vibing and hanging out VS. being thrown suddenly into attack from his peers that don't care about the rules, surprising himself and everyone around him with his finesse in battle, quick instincts, swordsmanship..... i'm weak fr. I can't wait to see him grow, train, become stronger and more confident.

Overall, I'm entirely floored and beyond happy. I can't wait to see more. 10/10

[xcrust]

Paint the Town Red [PREVIEW]

I seriously haven't written due to having an education but for my story i want to give you improvement and quality content. So I am not making you all wait too long here is a preview of the next chapter. If there is anything that you feel is needed and note you would want to offer then i would love for you to throw it my way

FULL STORY HERE

All the latest chapters and previous is at that link!!!

Looking between the mirror in front of you, reflecting In the soft glow of dawn's embrace, (Y/n) stood before the ornate mirror that adorned her room. The morning sunlight filtered through the delicate curtains, casting a warm radiance upon them as they examined her reflection. It wasn't the typical admiration one might associate with vanity; rather, it was an introspective gaze that transcended the surface.

As they lifted a lock of hair, the sunlight or rather the glimmer caught the subtle highlights, reminiscent of the glimmers of hope that had guided them through the darkest nights. The relationship between their parents isn't inherently bad. But the isolating feeling never evolved or made anything better. This dark world was something that was all you knew. Inherently when it came to your view of humans it had to be a little different from your older sister. All humans are made corrupt. No matter the family a person is raised from. Though what allows hell borns to be condemned to whatever flock shows up. It is a harsh ideal but with so much bad coming from earth then how could someone even have a belief that earth is all that good when it's corrupting the supposed bad.

Nevertheless the people that showed up from earth kept the seven rings entertained the more time went on. In fact if it weren't for earth then you wouldn't be in the situation that you are now. You couldn't remember the last time you had dinner with your parents, Family dinners hadn't been a thing in a long time. So sitting across a little table of a cafe with the infamous radio demon for dinner is the last thing that would have been imagined in your life.

“So my dearest! I want to know everything about you and what makes you tick” Closing your new pocket mirror you glance at him before going to pick at your clothes,  the bunny painted in red stares at you with a charming look in his eye. 

“Alastor, you're going all out for a person like me. But what is it that you want.” curiosity might have killed the cat but in hell its survival of the fittest. Between you and him, that's an easy feat for you but survival in getting higher in the food chain? Well that's some grounds you need to work on. 

“ Heavens me, or should I say hells me? HA can't a guy get to know another fella?” His burgundy pinstripe suit made your weakness to elegant things. In your heart you are truly someone that cannot be so easily deterred by another. If leaving the Morningstar household didnt prove it. Maybe working on social skills might be the first thing to work on. 

“Who are you kidding? What?! Did you want to talk to my dad? Sorry to best your bubble but i'm making a nam-”

“Hush now” he quipped in “now what are you assuming on today” taking out a pocket watch from his top pocket. The ticking being comically loud. Being in hell should have you used to an odd face every once in a while. But looking at him felt like a lost cartoon. “As ive said before, i know nothing about you. You've just got a nifty little… look to you”  There goes his smile again. It's so shameless.

“Yeah right” Being hell royalty should've put your name towards everyone that walks this street. 

“Sorry doll face, having such a smooth face in this area of town might just be the most interesting piece of plot in these parts” you let out a sudden hitch in your breath. Does he actually not know anything about you? Maybe the overlord title might be a lot harder than intended. “Now doll you're never fully dressed without a smile, now play nice” The grimace on your face might’ve just drowned in your thoughts hearing him say that. 

You couldn't make sense of his statement. An earthborn being known to you and probably the purest kind of entertainment in hell. Though if he didnt even know who you were then maybe this could be a better opportunity in the end. No phony respect. Something that would actually make a difference to yourself. Smoothing your expression into soft passiveness. 

“Say there, bunny tail, how about you and I take a stroll down the boulevard and paint the town red” 

 “Aren't you a tough nut to crack? Well who am I to deny a bona fide high roller”

[the-s1lly-corner]

I got an idea from the child reader request.

Like the same wolf in sheep's clothing concept but like FULL SWEET TO DARK PERSONALITY.

Wanna hear?

So basically child reader is like cute and innocent at first sight but IS A TOTAL DEMON, Having a very dark sense of humor, Sometimes out of nowhere walk up to someone of the gang and threaten to gouge out their eyes while they sleep, they are always with an cute expression but turns out that they like to cause chaos and havoc just like Jax but in a more creepy way.

For example, SOMEHOW reader is caught hanging from the ceilling scaring the fuck out of gangle just because its fun. Or staying in the dark waiting for someone so they can jumpscare them.

Basically child reader uses their cute-kid as an advantage to scare others off.

TADC x child!reader who is a menace! (platonic)

wasnt quite sure what to title this so!! some segments may be shorter than others since im still trying to get a hand of writing/coming up with ideas for certain characters (cough cough gangle) (i love her sm but shes so hard for me to write idk why) hope you enjoy! majority of this post is just me tormenting the cast TToTT

CAINE:

oh my god you kind of remind him of bubble but more... flkmddlvm

makes a time out rule when you keep making threats to the other circus members, that behavior is not family friendly!

he might even consider trying to go into the code and censoring your common phrases as well as some other words, if he has the capabilities for that

still tries to be a dad to you, though, wants to be a good role model and guide you in the right direction for the sake of everyone else

the first time you say something... morbid to him he just

slack jawed, stares at you before shaking himself back to reality and just

bro is astonished he was not ready to hear that today, let alone hear it from a small child

POMNI:

you know how in the other post with a child!reader i mention that pomni is vaguely uncomfortable around kids since she knows they can dish out some real cruelty

take this idea and multiply it by 10x

actually looks like that one sad spongebob meme with the big eyes and tear when shes put in charge of keeping an eye on you during an in house adventure

meek attempt to get you to behave

not much to say here imo, since its like an amped up version of the last post :O

JAX:

makes a joke about how youre already entering your edgy phase, he now has to watch his back lest some of his digital fur be shaved off

fear does not come close to describing how he feels when he discovers that you somehow found keys to some peoples rooms. he hopes you dont have a key to his room

and he thought he was hot shit, but no some random kid makes him fear the consequences of his actions

is this his punishment for his constant bullshit? what did he do in particular to deserve this?

instinctively looks up at the ceiling when he enters a room to make sure youre not about to drop on him

congrats, youve instilled fear into the funny rabbit

RAGATHA:

the 'nightmare kid' thing some babysitters go through at least once in their life, but instead of tantrums and such its just you talking about how you sometimes tear apart the dolls that came with your room. to the doll person

very uncomfortable by a lot of the stuff you casually say, even more so because its coming from a kid. though i think she would be uncomfortably be talk like that in general

SWEARS that one day shes going to blink and youll suddenly be right next to her or within her proximity

like on one hand she wants to try to guide you to be less dark, like caine, but i think she would need someone to back her up because she cannot get the image of the torn up dolls out of her head

KINGER:

poor man

like even if the things you said were empty threats, he would be scared shitless

if he isnt already in his fort, hes retreating to it the second he sees you around

kind of funny since kinger is in his late late 40s and youre a kid and hes terrified of you

anyways

less of a discomfort thing and more so scared that youre going to go through with the things you say

he walked into the common area one day and saw you literally crawling across the walls, he was with gangle when he saw it. you see his irises of his eyes shrink

doesnt even bother going to his fort, which is under where you currently are

he just

slowly

backs away, he can find refuge in his room... unless you have a key to his room

ZOOBLE:

less discomfort more annoyance with zooble, i think that while she would find it funny when a kid swears she finds people talking like that to be cringe; kid or not

the only one who isnt really scared of you. sure you threaten to disassemble them constantly and hide their pieces across the grounds to assure they can never be whole again, but they're just internally cringing while you try to make them turn away

in a weird way you two create an odd dynamic where you just go on and zooble just halfway listens, you kinda just talk at them

like while caine tries to be your dad, and ragatha tries to be.. something.. zooble is like a weird 'friend'

probably has the most potential to become a friend and get you to chill, but thats just based on my experience

like if its an attention/reaction thing, zooble isnt going to give it to you, which kind of. ruins the point of it for you, and you just

stop, or at least tone it down over time

or maybe thats just me seeing zooble having the potential to be an older sibling figure

GANGLE:

the gif is gangle when you get your hands on her

i understand that she cries easily, but like, you have probably made her cry at least once either on accident or on purpose

i think shes one of the few characters out of the cast who would probably start avoiding you for the sake of her emotional state, but she would feel bad about it since at the end of the day you're a kid

refuses to go anywhere near you when her comedy mask is broken, because otherwise shes a glum mess

you know how in poppee the performer, kedamono's mask sometimes just. pops off when he gets scared or surprised (well it happens regardless of expression/mood but yk)

gangle does that when she sees you LITERALLY CRAWLING ON THE WALLS LIKE A BUG

how are you even doing that

she doesnt wanna know, actually

"imma tie you up double knotted style" *high pitched crying*

[peterbarnes]

Dating Eddie Munson Would Include...

A/N: School’s over. Summer’s here. Im back bitchess...and obsessed with ST4

Masterlist

Eddie Munson Sticker Etsy

You met at a drug deal of course

The drugs weren’t even for you, your friend just didn’t want to interact with the resident “freak of Hawkins”

Cue a vicious eye roll from you

So there you sat on the janky wooden bench in the middle of the woods 

“This is straight out of a horror movie”

“Don’t worry I won’t murder you”

Your head whipped around to where Eddie Munson leaned against a tree

He tried to seem cool by crossing his tattooed arms over his chest 

And you had to admit his ink-kissed skin did make your heart flutter

but then his foot slipped on a leaf and he almost fell

His cheeks flushed as he regained his balance

“I genuinely cannot believe that people are intimidated by you”

He shrugged before making his way over to you and sitting on the table instead of the adjacent bench

“What? You don’t find me mean and scary”

His smile lit up the dark woods and you committed the quirk of his lips, his bright eyes, and squished cheeks to memory

He was goddamn adorable

“Why thank you, princess”

Please god tell me I did not say that out loud

“But I must say I didn’t take you for the crackhead type” he added

“I’m not,” you sputtered, still flustered. “It’s for my friend”

“Ah so she thought I was mean and scary”

“Who knows what goes on in her head” 

The silence weighed you down as he slipped a wooden box out of his backpack and gently placed it on the table 

Your eyes stuck on the cool metal wrapped around his finger

“You like them?” He asked

His tone wasn’t laced with desire or an eagerness to conquer you, which is all you’d gotten from other guys

He was genuine, soft

And suddenly being in the middle of the woods with a guy you barely knew didn’t seem so scary anymore

This is batshit

“You know, I’ve always thought you were kind of cool” he said hesitantly

You scoffed

“Oh please, I’m no Nancy Wheeler”

“Even better”

You both let out horrendous laughs that sounded more like honks

Eddie slapped the table lightly as he tried to calm his ragged breaths

“Come on, she’s not that bad”

He shot you a look that clearly read really?

“So she’s not a priss?” He edged

Your voice caught in your throat as you chose your words carefully

“No?”

Eddie snorted, “you don’t sound too sure about that”

“I’m not”

Hours passed before you two even realized the sun had slowly descended below the horizon, casting a familiar darkness over Hawkins

“Come on, we should get going”

As Eddie got up from the creaking bench, he stretched his hand out toward you, nodding his head toward the parking lot where his car sat parked 

“Are you offering me a ride?”

“Why, of course, my lady. A true gentleman would never let you walk home alone at this hour”

“How kind of you, good sir”

After that you were inseparable

Eddie would memorize your schedule and surprise you by waiting outside your classes

And you’d come to all his Hellfire Club meetings

He loves to see you bonding with all the kids, especially Dustin

They call you guys Mom and Dad

Eddie’s very into spontaneous dates

A nice candlelit dinner isn’t his speed (he’s very much an “eat the rich” guy)

He’ll take you to the lake and you’ll just swim in it for hours

He loves water fights

He also loves seeing you in a bathing suit

Despite being 19, he acts like a pre-pubescent boy

He’s always touching you in some way

Hand on your hip, around your shoulders, on your thigh

And he loves to snuggle his head into your neck 

He’s scared of coming off too clingy so he needs constant reassurance

But he’s just touch starved

Before you, it was just him and his uncle who was barely around

He never felt love or comfort from anyone

That’s part of the reason why he turned to drugs and acting out 

It was so much more than him wanting to be “edgy”

He had an endless pit of darkness inside him from years of abandonment and isolation

But that day in the woods the cracks slowly started to seal, warming his forgotten heart

Which is why he never does anything to risk your trust or your love towards him

It’s like his lifeline

Sometimes he worries that he loves you more than you love him

But then he’ll be lying on your chest, with your fingers gently tangled in his hair, soothing his scalp

And he can tell simply by how you touch him, that you’re just as in love as he is

But that love isn’t all sunshine and rainbows

When you two get pulled into the lore of the upside-down, your feelings for each other make you reckless

Eddie literally jumped in front of a demo-bat for you

Which would’ve been romantic if it hadn’t nearly killed him

“Fucking hell, Eddie! Why would you do that?!”

“I’m sorry was I supposed to let you get killed by that chunk of grey shit?”

“And I’d rather you not get killed, dipshit!”

Any of your little lovers' quarrels end with an exasperated Steve interrupting you

You’ll distance yourselves for a few minutes before your feet naturally inch toward each other until your hand's brush

It’s muscle memory at this point, the way you two are drawn to each other

You hear him let out a relieved breath as his fingers intertwine with yours

This man would die for you

And you would die for him

But you knew you would fight like hell to make sure that both of you made it home safe

So that you could melt into each other’s embraces and finally fall into a peaceful sleep

[myheadsgonenumb]

Erised

‘It’s weird,’ Harry said, sipping the hot chocolate Remus had just given him, after his latest bout of dementor fighting (or casting a patronus at a boggart - or trying to), ‘hearing my mum and dad’s voices in my heads.’ The drink was still too warm, it scalded his mouth and he put the mug down hastily and began to blow over the top of it. ‘It took me a long time to even realise it was my mum because…’ he struggled to keep his voice light, ‘I’ve never heard her voice before… that I remember, I mean.’

Remus’s face stayed neutral, showing nothing of the pain now stinging his thumping heart. He stayed quiet, took a sip of chocolate (ignoring that it burned his tongue) and waited for Harry to speak again. 

‘Sometimes… sometimes I don’t want to be able to conjure a patronus just so I can hear them again,’ Harry finally admitted. ‘Even though what I’m hearing is their final moments… it’s all I’ve got.’ 

‘I can understand that,’ Remus said, sympathetically. 

‘You can? You don’t think I’m mental?’

‘Not at all,’ he smiled. ‘When we lose those we love, there are moments we would do… anything, to spend time with them once again - to see their faces, to hear their voices, to get to speak with them, even if only for a minute. There is nothing emptier than the space where a loved one should be, and it is perfectly normal to want to fill that space, even if it is just with shadows and echoes of what has been.’ He then fixed Harry with a rather sterner look over the rim of his hot chocolate mug. ‘But that is all they are,’ his voice was firm now. ‘Shadows and echoes - the memories of what was. And though our memories are precious, and honouring those we have lost is important, we cannot afford to place too much importance on them. We cannot lose sight of what matters in the here and now because we are so caught up in the shades of the past.’ 

Harry nodded thoughtfully. ‘Dumbledore said something similar to me once, when I spent night after night looking into the Mirror of Erised.’ 

Remus looked confused. ‘What’s the Mirror of Erised?’

‘Oh - it’s an enchanted mirror. It doesn’t just show you your reflection but it shows you your heart’s deepest desire. I saw my mum and dad. It was the first time I ever saw their faces…’ 

Harry continued talking - about recognising Lily by her eyes, and how one of his relatives had had knobbly knees - but Remus barely heard him, as his thoughts were now a million miles away, a mixture of deepest longing and stabbing heartache, as he imagined himself - all alone - gazing into an enchanted mirror and seeing Sirius - as once he had been - handsome, whole… and standing by Remus’s side. 

Word Count: 480

@wolfstarmicrofic

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

I have a really weird hyperfixation on The Mummy, but not the Boris Karloff or the Brendan Fraser versions, those would be completely acceptable movies to enjoy (and I do so enjoy them)

but I cannot stop thinking about The Mummy 2017 starring Tom Cruise and it's a problem

I love bad movies, I love them so much, I own so many b-grade horror flicks, old classic films with terrible acting and awful special effects, I love absolutely shit tier cgi, I love Ed Wood disasters, I love cult classic bad movies, I love really weird niche bad movies

but this one is like, such a special kind of bad movie, I can't really put my finger on exactly why though?? but I am damn well going to try, in this essay I will-

they fucked up from the get go by casting Tom Cruise, like this movie is sometimes deliberately goofy, but a lot of the time it takes itself very seriously, SO seriously, and I cannot physically take Tom Cruise seriously, he turns every single scene he is in into a joke by virtue of his mere presence

but when they have actual jokes, they are so not funny they cycle back around to being really fucking funny

I am watching this movie fucking whiff every god damn beat it tries to hit and it does it so beautifully it's a god damn marvel

Russel Crowe as Jekyll and Hyde??? I actually somehow missed the part where he introduced himself as Jekyll on my first watch, so the Hyde reveal was a true surprise to me and I was very genuinely disappointed on my second watch when I realised it was not supposed to be a surprise, because that was a really fun reveal

and Russel Crowe seemed to be having an absolute fucking whale of a time as Hyde, I loved every moment he was on screen with his stupid cockney accent, I would watch his movie, I know it would be bad, that's why I want it, because there is nothing quite like a bad movie with an actor still giving 110%

and the mummy character herself? she was supposed to be pharaoh and then her dad had a son with someone else and now this baby is jumping all up in her place like, okay baby murder might not be the coolest thing in the world but like, she's got ambition, she's getting shit done, she's hustlin' like go get it girl I'm rooting for you babe

also when she sucked the life out of some dude and turned him into a shrivelled husk my roommate said 'she could do that to me and I'd thank her' so she's got that going for her, like girl's a half rotten corpse wrapped in decaying bandages and she still slays

and then we have the completely ridiculous female rivalry??? like this mummy could kill this woman SO MANY TIMES and just doesn't???? for reasons?????? like she could literally kill her in an instant at any moment but no they gotta girl fight for a bit because Tom Cruise is at stake and why wouldn't two hot women fight over Tom Cruise right?? right????

nevermind the fact that he has been practically nothing but ✨The WooOOOOooorst✨ to her the WHOLE first act of the movie, oh and uh let's not forget the 'duh huh guy bad at sex' jokes that they just could not put down for a good chunk there (but wait! uh he's good at sex actually she's just being mean because he hurt her feewings)

like, this movie hits every fucking branch of the bad trope tree, this movie is playing bad trope bingo, it is collecting bad tropes like pokemon, it has to have them all

also a really bizarre ongoing American Werewolf in London reference?? it was not unwelcome, it was some of the best comedy in the movie (that is an easy bar to jump btw), the actor had some great wry line delivery, I enjoyed it

I think the biggest issue, and the reason I can't stop chewing on this magnum opus of garbage, is that it reminds me of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, in several different ways

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen also happens to be another of my favourite bad movies, but it falls into the particular genre of bad movies, a fucking cool as shit concept, and some really cool as shit visuals, and some very cool as shit characters, but an absolute swing and a miss on the delivery

The Mummy 2017 starring Tom Cruise has That Vibe to me, there is some cool shit here, we know this because the previous version utilised that cool shit very very well, but this one was the only one who made the villain a woman pursuing a man, and not just any man, the ✨worst✨ man, you did not feel very sorry for this guy, honestly watching him go through the constant torment of being stalked by a bodacious supernatural babe who put a sexy little curse kiss on him was fun, he's a sopping wet little meow meow and I wanna see him thrown at a wall, and I get to see that several times, and it is a delight every time

in the previous movie the mummy went after really likeable characters, people who were just generally nice, a roguish scamp with a heart of gold, or just really hot, seriously that cast was beyond smoking what the fu

I did not like Tom Cruise as a character, and to be fair that was the point, he was supposed to have a redemption arc, the story and his sacrifice at the end were supposed to be about him becoming a better person

but he fucking doesn't??? it's like 'oh boo hoo I have made this great sacrifice and now I am a monster and I did it to save my lady love's life even though we had zero chemistry and I was just ✨The Worst✨ to her' and then he fucks off to go and do the exact same shit he was doing at the start of the movie, fucking around in the desert looking for boy adventures

it was a great ending and I loved it because it was so dumb and also he abandoned the woman he brought back to life to go fuck around with his bro who he also brought back to life, I love that for them, go have some boy adventures you madlads you sure didn't earn it but don't let that stop you, just heterosexually ride off into the sunset together it's fine, she is literally better off without you in every way you made the Correct Decision

and then there's these moments, moments that are treated like big moments, and could be really cool moments, but just don't fucking land

there's a part where Tom Cruise starts talking to the mummy in her own language (they got a psychic bond and shit which is it's own cool little thing we'll get back to that) and everyone is watching like 😮 oooh didn't know he could do that wow there really IS magic bond between them oooh, and it's like a Big Deal and Very Cool

but Tom Cruise just sounds like he's speaking gibberish with a mouth full of novocain???? it doesn't sound cool at all??? it sounds really goofy???? I half expected him to start drooling on himself

then there is the ending, leading lady dies, he completes the ritual to invite the god of death into his body (a fucking baller move honestly), he fights it for control as the mummy attempts to sway the beast inside him to her side, but when he sees his beloved laying dead he fights her off, using his newfound powers to defeat her, and then weeps over his lady love begging for her to wake up

and then as he lets the god inside him loose, a terrible monstrous visage takes him over as he bloodcurdlingly screams in her face WAKE UP!!! and the power within him that he doesn't understand and can barely control listens

she wakes, and sees him hiding in the shadows, unable to face her now that he has become something terrifying

at least that's what I think they thought the scene would be like, it was a little more like, some crappy flashback and speed up effects as he becomes the god of death, a really pathetic and uneventful 1 minute of him fighting for control, after which he has a really pathetic and uneventful 1 minute of fighting the mummy, and then as he screams for his lady love to wake up, we get a shot of some absolutely fucking god awful cgi and the most uninspired monster face I've ever seen

I mean, half seen, it was a very dark shot, in fact most of the movie is shot in the dark, a very blatant attempt to obscure the shithouse cgi

except in one scene where it kinda fucking slapped, where the mummy sucks the life out of some guys, and then reanimates their husky corpses as thralls, the way they stand like jerky unstable puppets being dragged to their feet by unseen strings was actually pretty fuckin' dope and the dark scene obscured the details in just the right amount to make their uncannily decrepit silhouettes appear super creepy

this is the only time that trick works, every other time I just want someone to turn on a fucking torch so I can actually see what the hell's going on

okay now let's get back to that psychic bond thing

our main character was chosen not because he was a descendant, or a reincarnation, or just Looked Real Pretty (although I think she did have the hots for him a leeetle bit which is like, girl raise your standards, it's Tom Cruise, he's about as sexually appealing as a wet potato, you can do better), he had absolutely zero in common with the mummy's original choice for this ritual, in fact that guy was not significant to the story at all, I think he was just some dude who was down for some ritual shenanigans 'cause a hot lady asked him (also he was hotter than Tom Cruise so this is a significant downgrade, I feel like if she had the opportunity to shop around a little she might have picked better)

so Tom Cruise wasn't chosen for any reason other than that he's the one who released her, and she sees this as her way of saying thank you, and I love that, it's real sweet, would love if I opened a door for someone and they repaid me by summoning a god of death into my body, that really shows they care you know?

she gives him a little hallucinatory kissy kiss and then manages to follow him everywhere, while also compelling him to follow her without him really knowing it, there is a very cool part where he's trying to drive away from her, but somehow ends up driving in a circle and falling right back into her clutches, that was cool, that had the potential to even be super fucking creepy, she can manipulate him without him even realising, it doesn't matter where he goes or what he does, he will always somehow find his way back to her, that's so good, I love that

and then back to the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen comparisons

The Mummy 2017 starring Tom Cruise established a concept of an organisation who hunt down, collect, and research supernatural phenomena, with a leader (Jekyll) who also has ulterior motives and is actually not really the good guy, this movie was also supposed to be part of a monster movie cinematic universe, so this really could have become like, the Universal Monster Movie equivalent of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and I would have watched the hell out of that, and I am crushed that this movie bombed so bad and ruined the whole plan

like could you imagine a whole series as bad as this movie? all culminating together as the most god awful Avengers style team up? fuuuck I want to live in that universe so bad

I think my fascination comes from this ungodly mix of real pure potential, those fleeting super fucking cool moments and concepts that, if given to literally any other actor, could have really been something, and the just pure insane failure to make literally anything in this plot successfully land a hit

somehow this movie felt like the completely dead and soulless corpse of a cheap party clown, while the ghost of something incredible flickered in its eyes

[supernaturallyliterate]

Thoughts on Heartstopper Season 2!

🛑🛑 SPOILERS AHEAD 🛑🛑

I really liked the way they switched events around but still incorporated all the main events / convos / quotes!! Like Ben asking for an apology, but instead of doing it at Tara's Bday party, they had Harry try to come in & get rejected & gave Ben's moment more depth and gave Charlie a more specific speech to be like "no, I don't forgive you, and I don't want you in my life. GTFO"

I absolutely loved every single one of Elle's outfits. And the dynamic between Elle & Tao developing their relationship! And I really really liked that we got more Tao backstory. His interactions with his mom, his heart to hearts with Nick (esp about his dad & relationship insecurities; we love a self aware king), his awkward first date with Elle at the theater

I liked Elle having more trans and non-binary friends!! And her art school journey!! Yes, give me more insight into each character's world

Naomi & Felix were iconic and I hope to see more of them! I liked that their presence also drew out Tao's insecurities and forced him to confront them. Like at the art show!!

I of course loved more focus on Tara & Darcy! I'm glad it wasn't just "Darcy is afraid to say I love you :/" and more was revealed about her homophobic parents and toxic home life! And oh my god the moment of Tara walking up to Darcy's house to check on her and meeting her mom for the first time had me SCARED. I was literally hiding behind my partner’s shoulder

I think the pacing still felt really good. And even though I knew what path the story was headed, it still felt natural when they switched things up. They maintained faithful to the original narrative while effectively adapting it to a TV show format, which is honestly SUPER impressive

And I am glad they kept in Charlie's mental health!! I think all the small switches they made really draw attention to how difficult it can be to notice an ED, anxiety, OCD, etc in someone else, even a partner. And they found good ways to express that anxiety with different conflicts and situations

IMOGEN. That girl is so bisexual. I called it last season. The vibes. The hair dye. The insistence on being "an ally." And she's totally falling for Sahar and I am HERE FOR IT.

ISSAC. I really really liked his whole arc with James. Asking Charlie how he knew he had a crush on Nick, relating to most of it, testing the waters with a kiss, and then being confused. Taking to the aroace artist at Elle's exhibition. Going back to that oh so centrally placed Ace book from earlier in the season & happily skipping off with it. I am so happy for him

TORI. Iconic, truly. Love all of her appearance and threats to people who could hurt Charlie. THE PHONE KICK SCENE, AHH. I really hope season 3 gets some sprinkles from Solitaire. They kinda hinted at some stuff to come by calling attention to Ben switching to Highs instead of staying at Truham. But I cannot wait for Michael to be introduced and the chaos to ensue.

The casting: 10000000/10

The acting: infinity / 10

The script: PERFECTION / 10

Please please please go watch or read Heartstopper. Better yet, do both.

[booksanddarkchocolate]

So here are my live reactions on the pjo finale:

- I’m not mentally ready for this yet

- Long episode tho :)

- Omg Luke opening gave me chills

- OH THEY DID HAVE THE SWORD TRAINING I WAS SO CONFUSED ABOUT THAT FIRST

- But why are they flashbacks and not just something we saw in ep2?

- I’m still confused on why they chose to reveal the Kronos thing already

- Why is Percy not wearing Annabeths necklace yet 🥺

- Damn slay Percy

- The fight didn’t disappoint I’d say

- Wait are they on Montauk 🥹

- The “please” 😭😂

- “I’m done running from monsters” babes you only just started

- AWWW there is the necklace 🥹

- I feel like Luke mentioning Annabeths arachnophobia is so random even tho he explained it 😂

- Oh hello Zeus

- That is one hell of a good casting choice for Zeus, appearance wise

- Okay Zeus letting Percy go already felt way too easy lol

- Percy you are so lucky

- They’re making Poseidon way too good of a father tho I’m sorry

- Oh I’m gonna listen to their Ancient Greek convo later and slower because I love nitpicking hihi

- I’m not sure whether I like that they changed the Greek coming natural thing, because on one side it feels like an unnecessary change, but on the other side I can still be delusional and think I’m a demigod, because Ancient Greek does not come naturally to me at all sadly

- Wait but does that still mean all demigods have dyslexia (and adhd)? I don’t remember whether they talked about it earlier in the series

- I will be so mad if Annabeth doesn’t have dyslexia and adhd (and still is also a bookworm, we’ve seen her being a nerd but not necessarily a bookworm)

- Awwww Percabeth hug

- Annabeth and Lukes relationship in this interaction was done perfectly

- Does Percy already suspect Luke now?

- That’s one hell of an accusation Percy

- But you know since he figured out about Kronos too it makes sense

- Backbiter name drop yas

- “This isn’t you” okay but how long do you actually know him Percy lol

- I’m very confused on what Luke is doing honestly

- What is he opening? And is the H on purpose, supposed to represent Hermes?

- Oh oh Annabeth is here

- Oh don’t know how to feel about that

- I do know that Leah made me cry, gods the betrayal in her eyes 🥺

- Really not doing the “names are powerful” thing huh😂

- Jason is so perfect for Dionysus

- “It’s a tree, Seaweed Brain, it doesn’t express opinions” 😂

- Leahs hair is so beautiful

- It feels so sudden that she goes to see her dad now, but I don’t remember whether it was less sudden in the books lol

- Annabeth not know what Disneyland is, oh my baby 🥺

- FREDRICK YOU BETTER SHOW HER A MOVIE THIS TIME

- “Go, be a kid” Percy is saying what we’re all thinking

- The trio is trioing 🥹

- What is happening

- That is FOUL

- What is happening part 2

- Yes please listen to your mom, don’t call him grandpa 😂

- I am patiently waiting for the Medusa Gabe scene here

- Please tell me there’s an after credit scene and it happens then

- Every time I watch the credits and every time I feel like it’s not the same

- YES ITS HAPPENING

- I have thoughts on the changes of Gabe turning into a statue but I cannot formulate them yet lol

- Ohmygod there’s a documentary

- Watching that tomorrow

Now the season is done I do wanna make an actual review of what I like and dislike both adaptation and just as a show wise

[sillygoofyqueer]

The Untamed review: episode two!!

Yes, Wei Wuxian, Little Apple IS a picky eater, because he deserves only the best and KNOWS IT

Bro's complaining about a donkey to a donkey, what a guy

"You're like MY master"

"Yo, there's a well!" Wei Wuxian immediately moves out of the way, what a gentleman

HE'S JUST TALKING TO THEM, WOAHHHH

Wei Wuxian helplessly listening to them argue over his inventions is so funny to me

"IS WEI YOUR DAD?!??" "HE'S MY IDOL!!"

The way that Wei Wuxian just gives up and peaces out

Fighting with a donkey now

Take the fucking apple, you dumbass

How old is this woman? She looks about twenty five

IT'S JUST LIKE IN MINECRAFT

Push her off, it'd be so funny and no one would know

Yo, what is Yan doing?? She's busting some moves

Does he just flick any random person?

Ohhhh, I see

Got killed by the mist, that's an embarrassing way to go

Bro is dead, goddamn. Poor lass has no soul

This woman has been through so much, she doesn't deserve it

Someone's catching humans, cannibals in every universe

JIN LING!!! <3

Laughing at the richness of people

"Naur, stay up there. See you later xoxo"

How is this woman here????

LITTLE APPLE BEHAVE YOURSELF

It's fine, he's wearing a mask that covers his eyes

"It's you?" Aw shit, the guy who was a baby when you were around is onto you

Joking, he knows Mo Xuanyu

Mock him and see how it ends up

BRO JUST INSULTED HIM BECAUSE HE'S MOTHERLESS

Stop trying to get up, jesusss

Nice throw

He looks so done with people's shit

STOP FUCKING MOCKING HIM, WEI WUXIAN

Oh, hey Jiang Cheng, you're baby girling quite hard today

No need to crush it

"break his legs? No, feed him to your dog, kiddo"

His boyfriend has come to rescue him

"I'm so unlucky today", on the contrary, I think you're very lucky, these characters are key to the plot and you didn't even have to go looking for them!!

I like the music that plays when the Lan Clan is around

Lan Jingyi stepping up for his father- teacher

Lan Sizhui, how do you know so much

HE CAST THE SILENCE SPELL, I LOVE HIM

He says it like a slur hahahaha

Lan Wangji is too busy mewing, don't break his streak!!

"If you don't get that spirit, don't come back to me!!" Jin Ling was never seen again 😔

He's like a grumpy toddler, I love him so

"Don't worry, we'll pay for the nets we broke!" "Nuh uh!!" Lan Sizhui, you're an angel, don't listen to him

HIS MEWING STREAK NOOOOO

Nice voice though

"I thought I saw my boyfriend 😔"

There are spirits in the lake, I wouldn't suggest drinking from it

Jiang Yanli 😭😭😭

Stop smiling, you're hallucinating

Slander my boy and sees what happens

Slap yourself, go on, like the books

Don't put the blame all on him!!!

Nice, like the books

Feel the shame

That cannot be comfortable, those are literal rocks

LITTLE APPLE!!

He's like they're little leader

That's a fast old man

Lan Jingyi's first instinct is to point a sword at an old man, lmaaoooo

"anything strange here?" "Duh"

Leaving him alone while he's trying to give important plot information, rude

Glowing grass, what the fuck

I think you should eat some

He just wants to clean, leave him alone

WEN QING!!!!!!

Flashbacks lmao

Where'd the old man go

Dirty

No way is that naturally formed

Lan Jingyi, you're surprisingly knowledgeable..I didn't know you could read

Jin Ling and his group of people

AAAAAHH WHAT THE FUCK

"what's up baby girls"

Ugh, it's been moving for a while now

Maybe you should, I don't know, LISTEN TO THE GUY WHO KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING??

Also, y'all ditched him, minus points

"We're out" "fuck, y'all are gonna soooo be punished"

The look he gave, as if this isn't like, a sixteen seventeen year old. No, wait, he's probably eighteen...how old was he before Wei Wuxian's death? ANYWAY

Criticising the Lan education system while you're at it

"wait, you can't be crazy, because that makes sense!!" Lan Jingyi my beloved

Shit, my cover as a crazy person has been blown

Are they having a mewing contest or what?

Well done, Lan Jingyi

WHERE'S MY NEPHEW

I swear it wasn't that big before

Y'all are doing a shit job at running from something this slow

Nice attack, it's still stone though

Dude, listen to Lan Sizhui

"Hey, my sword 🥺😔"

Considering this flute playing is supposed to be shit, it's not too bad

"ugh, you're playing the flute this bad? You must be crazy" Lan Jingyi, make up your mind

STOOOOOP JIN LING

Nice kick, it's still stone though

WEN NING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE'S HERE TO KICK SOME ASS FOR YOU!!!!

They both look mildly terrified

Dude killed it so easy, well done. Naur, it's just an illusion.

"y'all, no need to be scared, the Yiling Patriarch ain't here" he's standing over there, wearing a mask

I THOUGHT THE LANS WERE BETTER THAN THIS

Luring him over with shitty flute playing

LET GO OF THE COMEDIC RELIEF

His robes are even blowing, just for you

Me leading my next snack away from the bag

Walk faster, goddamn

"hey bbg, it's been a while"

Listen guys, I know you're in love but there's a corpse there

He flew away, like Jesus

So...how is everyone surprised when they do turn out to be gay???

DON'T PIN THE BLAME ON HIM. MY MAN'S IS GUILTY BUT PRETTY

Uhh uh oh. Mom and dad are fighting again

Lan Wangji already looks so bored

The fucking GLARE I CAN'T

"Take off the mask!!!" "Nuh uh, I'm too handsome"

Lan Jingyi needs to stop being smart, it's scaring me

Stoooop, he didn't kill his brother

Okay, so he did, but he didn't want to!!!

He passed out, okay man

Answer the stupid call

FAMILY!!!!!!!

They're so happy 😔

Give him what he wants, it's SYMBOLISM

Lecturing him better than Lan Qiren

You lost him already, not very good at this, ey?

Alcoholic

Of course he will, it's Wei Wuxian

They're so happy :(

[sporesgalaxy]

Okay, I think I've got this to where its the fun kind of psychoanalytical torture

So yee haw, let's go, etc: THE 1st accidental dreamwalking incedent Belos and Signey had.

^ you're signing up for this

you get to see this full img with full context too! ⬇️

Anyways. It is a nightmare so: content warnings below the cut.

•••

Content Warnings:

Wittebane Brothers Typical Violence

general unreality warning because of dream logic

getting stabbed bloodlessly & semi-accidentally by a pitchfork

characters being completely unable to will their bodies to move at all for limited periods of time

A group of teens being condescending, rude, and exclusionary towards younger kids

Name calling: scaredy-cat, weirdo, annoying

A kid trying to appease mean people by acting mean to someone else

descriptions of the physical sensation of one's body shapeshifting in body-horrory ways against one's will

•••

A short foreword:

There is an old myth on the Boiling Isles that Humans, because they cannot cast spells, lack a heart.

This myth predates the discovery of the bile sac. In ancient times, it was understood only that the heart was the source of a witch's magic.

This is the origin of the modern superstition that witches with round ears are heartless in the metaphorical sense.

•••

Philip cannot move a muscle. He barely maanages to breathe. He wants to scream, to run, to do anything that might save his brother, but it's useless. An invisible force binds him to his hiding spot.

Caleb drops his pitchfork, and the clatter of wood and metal against the rocks is deafening.

The witch puts an arm around Caleb so gently that Philip wants to be sick. They enter the doorway filled with light so slowly that he isn't sure he sees them move. Their forms blur around the edges, until the last hint of them vanishes, and the door slams shut.

At last, Philip is able to rip himself out of his crouching position. He pushes himself over the rock, running full speed towards the door.

P: CALEB--!

Before he reaches it, the door swings back open, and a new figure rushes out of the light toward Philip, causing him to almost fall over from momentum when he stops. She leans back into the doorway to say one last thing to the other side--

S: --no thank you! Sorry!

-- then closes the door and moves away from it quickly. Philip finds himself dumbstruck. This girl is not the witch who took Caleb, she's too short-- closer to Philip's height-- and lacks any cloak, instead wearing only an odd shirt with leggings.

From behind the door, Philip hears the muffled voices of a few more young girls:

?: What's her problem?

?: Come on, scardey cat!

?: She wouldn't've been any help, but it would've been fun...

?: If you join, you can pick the doll!

The voices seem to wait for a response, which the girl does not offer.

?: Fine! Your loss! Let's go.

Shuffling and laughter can be heard moving away from the door.

The girl from the other side sighs, sits heavily on a flat rock, and pulls her knees up to her chest.

P: Who are you?!

S: [jumps violently] Oh! Uhh...

She rubs her face and sniffles. Her cheek seems shinier, but it's not quite how tear streaks should look--

S: I'm Signey. Sorry. I thought this was...my room...?

She looks around, only just now registering that she is in a cave and not, in fact, her bedroom.

P: Well...it isn't!! So begone! A-and bring my brother back! Or...or else!

He points an accusatory finger at her with much more confidence than he feels. She looks more confused than intimidated.

S: Um, I didn't see any boys on my way here...? I just came from my dad's house.

She points unhelpfully at the door.

P: I don't care!! Get out!!!

S: ...Okay.

To Philip's surprise, she stands as if to heed him. But instead of actually leaving, she just looks nervously at the door, then begins wringing her hands.

S: Uhh...but could I please stay for just a minute? I just... don't want to be in there during the conjuring. The spell won't take long.

Philip's eyes go wide.

P: Spell?! Caleb!

Frantic, Philip rushes to the door, and picks up Caleb's pitchfork on the way. He hesitates just in front of it, trying to will his hands to stop shaking. With a deep breath, he barely manages to steel his resolve, and throws open the door.

On the other side is a hallway, apparently inside of a house. He hears girls giggling around a corner and runs toward the sound, finding a circle of witches that look a little bit older and are dressed even more strangely than Signey. Candles are arranged throughout the room, casting everything in flickering light.

P: [wielding pitchfork awkwardly] Where's Caleb?!

The witches look at him with confusion, disdain, and annoyance.

?: Uh.

?: What the heck?

?: Back off! Cool witches only!

P: [voice shaking] Just-- just tell me where my brother is and I won't hurt you!!!

?: Oh my Titan.

?: No one cares! Get out!

?: We're in the middle of something!!

Signey shuffles timidly around the corner behind Philip.

S: [To Philip] Hey, don't bother them...!

?: Signey, make him go away!

Signey moves with some reluctance toward Philip.

S: Uh, come on--

Philip scrambles backwards a couple of steps, twisting to face her.

P: Get back!! I can't allow these witches commune with the Devil, or-- or whatever it is they're doing!

Signey raises her voice slightly to match his.

S: It's none of your business! Get out!

The other witches chatter in agreement.

P: No!! [a bit desperately] I have to find Caleb!

?: If he makes us miss the moonlight, I'm gonna kick his ass!

S: [to Philip] You're being annoying!! Just leave!!

Signey grabs for his arm; he quickly elbows her away. Philip then shoves the handle of the pitchfork at her, trying to force her back, but she grabs it and starts trying to wrench it out of his hands. In a moment of desperation, Philip twists the handle out of her grip and swings the sharp end towards Signey instead.

He feels it catch on something.

The room falls dead silent. Signey, who'd squeezed her eyes shut, opens them.

That's weird, she thinks distantly, looking at the metal prongs buried in her chest, he didn't even swing from that angle.

Philip stares, frozen with shock. Signey does not move a muscle. They stand there dumbly for what feels like ages.

Until the witches behind them start laughing.

Philip whips his head around to face them them. They are now shrouded in shadow, their facial features becoming unclear and their grins seeming to stretch to uncanny extremes in the dim light. They take turns jeering between fits of giggles.

?: Wowww!

?: Seriously?

?: Don't just stand there!

?: Suck it up! Get him back already!

?: Yeah! Use a spell!

The laughter makes Philip's skin crawl. He can't stop the strain of desperation in his voice when he says,

P: Stop laughing! This isn't a joke!

Laughter roars again. The apparent leader retorts,

?: Yes it is!

Pointing a shadowy finger toward the pitchfork's prongs, she continues, barely stifling her own laughter,

?: It's not bleeding! There's nothing in there!

When Philip looks again, he realizes it's true. It's as though he's poked through the shirt of a scarecrow. The fabric puckers inward, but there's no indication of flesh or blood underneath.

Despite the witches' amusement, the unnatural sight gives Philip a rush of conviction.

P: She's a witch, like all of you! It's sorcery!

His comment renews their laughter a bit too well. The lead witch says, as though it is the most obvious thing in the world,

?: Yeah right! She can't even handle a moonlight conjuring!

Signey is trying desperately to speak, but her jaw will not move far enough, and her vocal chords refuse to cooperate. Her half-articulated wheezes are drowned out. Stop, she wants to say, help me, she wants to yell, it still hurts, she wants to cry, but it's all useless against whatever invisible force grips her.

When leader witch address Signey directly, Signey cannot will her head to turn or her eyes to move to meet hers. Still, she hears the wide smile in her sister's voice,

?: The joke is that you're both human and he still hates your guts!!

As the witch erupts into giggles, Philip's eyes reflexively snap to Signey, and he instantly regrets it. Her wide-eyed, desperate terror reflects his own too closely.

Philip steps backwards in a futile attempt to separate himself from what he's done. The fire encircling them, dancing with derisive glee, prevents him from getting very far. When did the flames get so tall? Philip feels the bloodied knife slip out of his weak grip.

His own blood feels like ice. He can't doubt himself now, not after he's come this far. Not when there is still so much to do. "You're not human," he mutters desperately, trying to force himself to believe it, "You're not human anymore!" The figure, now partially obscured by flames, struggles to hold itself upright. "It's a lie...!" But his dread and panic, allowed a tiny foothold, proves impossible to escape by any reasoning he can imagine right now; Philip feels himself spiral into sickening, unbearable uncertainty.

Spurred by his moment of weakness, hundreds of grating, childlike voices flood his mind, burying all coherent thought under a shrill cacaphony of accusation and animal distress. In the same instant, Philip feels his muscles slithering painfully beneath his skin, spasming more violently when he reflexively tenses them, only ceasing after they're stretched taut by aching, malformed bones.

He shifts his weight, fighting the burden of his own greusome anatomy. A round, golden mask snaps loudly beneath his heel, and he lurches backward.

Too shocked to control the transformation, with nothing to support his weight, Philip falls into empty space--

In two very different places on the Boiling Isles, Signey Shale and Emperor Belos jolt awake from a nightmare.

[boxboxlewis]

fic amnesty continues! this is 1.1k of sylvia townsend warner AU in which i attempt to answer the question "how exactly did max get so good at karting"

It was the fashion among some of the younger fairies of Redhill to make their way to the great bitumen road not far from the castle, there to gallivant upon the buffets of air occasioned by the rushing past of the humans’ iron coaches. This was greatly frowned upon by the fairy elders, flying of any sort being considered vulgar and almost lewd, but their approbation made the activity no less appealing to the younger folk.

On this particular afternoon three very young, extremely silly fairies had stolen out of the castle to partake of some air-riding, as they called it. Their names were Pease-blossom, Elephant, and Tortrix. Pease-blossom in particular liked to cast off her invisibility as she swooped and dove in the air above the road, to see if any humans might notice her and be surprised. She had already occasioned three great coach-crashes in this manner, and said to her companions that she was hopeful this day might be the day she secured a fourth. 

“You must not,” said Tortrix, who was somewhat less silly, due to being more anxious. “If we’re caught we shall be disgraced and we’ll never be added to the Queen’s List.”

“Oh, be quiet, Tortrix! You’ll never make the List anyway, you’re so timid—”

Pease-blossom and Tortrix were well-embarked on a flourishing row when Elephant said suddenly, “Look, a human!”

Pease-blossom was about to respond, scathingly, that it was no very unusual thing to see a human on the bitumen road, when she realised what Elephant meant. This human wasn’t encased within one of the iron coaches but rather was picking his way along the embankment on foot. There was no path, and occasionally he stumbled. The fairies flew closer, and stared. Being young, they had never spoken to a human, and were fascinated.

“It’s only a child!” Tortrix said. “Look at its face. It cannot be more than fifty.” Fairies, of course, age more slowly than human beings. In fact the child was ten.

Peaseblossom bounced in the air and said, “It would be a great feat if we could capture it and bring it back to the hill.” 

Tortrix considered this a terrible idea. They were squabbling animatedly, drifting in the air in front of the child, when he looked at them—he should not have been able to see them at all, but it appeared nobody had told him that—and said, voice sullen and flat, “Can you move out of my way?”

Elephant, at this point, came into his own. He was accounted a budding scholar in the castle, and made something of a study of languages: not only the elfin tongues spoken within the fairy hills of Europe, but also the languages of strange beasts. The mournful lowing of the cow, the chittering buzz of the grasshopper, the whistling exultation of the blackbird were all known to Elephant, and as well he had learned, by diligent poring over an old onion-skin tome in the castle library, the speech of the humans who lived around Redhill. He hissed, “He’s asking us to move!”

The fairies discussed how to respond. Eventually Elephant flew directly into the child’s path and hovered there, and said in English, “Prithee, sirrah, what is your name?” The book he had learned from was some few centuries old, and so his diction was sadly out of date. But it appeared the child understood, for he scowled and said, “Max Verstappen. Will you move?”

Tortrix expressed her disbelief that any creature could be named something so strange as “Max-Verstappen,” and Pease-blossom said, “Oh, you fuss-budget! It’s easy enough to test. Max-Verstappen!”

The child’s eyes flew to her face. She nodded, satisfied, and said, “I felt the hold settle. That’s its name, true enough. Elephant, ask it where it’s going.”

“Max-Verstappen,” Elephant said, “whither goest thou?”

The child did not understand this at all, but said belligerently, “I’m waiting for my dad. He’s going to come back for me.”

Elephant conveyed this to his companions. “Nonsense!” said Pease-blossom. “If its father is coming back, why is it walking? I don’t believe the thing has a father, anyway. I’m sure I’ve heard that humans hatch from eggs.”

Elephant chose not to enter into an argument about the finer points of human reproduction. He said to the child, “Forsooth, why are you walking, an your father returneth?” 

The child flushed a blotchy pink, which Tortrix, whose pallor no cosmetic could alleviate, observed with envy; while Elephant noticed it was on the verge of tears.

The child said, “Will you stop asking stupid questions and just get out of my way!”

“It’s a rude little beast,” Pease-blossom observed, with some satisfaction. “The Queen will be ever so pleased if we bring it back for a freak. We can bait it with rats.”

“We couldn’t even if we wanted to, which we don’t,” said Tortrix. “We have nothing to bind it with, and it looks a nasty, scuffling thing. See how it glowers at us.”

Whereupon Pease-blossom drew from within her kirtle a small pocket, which she brandished triumphantly. “Well, Tortrix! Isn’t it fortunate that I always travel with my spiders!”

A very short while later the child’s wrists, ankles, and mouth had been bound round with spider-silk, and the three fairies were carrying his wriggling body back to Redhill. 

The child was not baited with rats, in the end. The Queen was a great admirer of red cheeks and fair hair, and was pleased to think him charming; and as it had been some centuries since a human had last graced the castle halls, he had too the appeal of novelty. He could not, of course, have remained under the hill had he stayed a mortal boy. The exact trick of creating the ichor with which the fairies had once leached the mortality from the human children they stole had been lost, but the Queen was so taken with the child that she commanded the scientists of her court to turn all their study to recovering it. At last, when several weeks had passed, and the child had begun to sicken and grow thin and grey, a courtier and alchemist suggested to the Queen that she had succeeded (she believed) in recreating the recipe. 

The Queen was frantic: she had become attached to Max-Verstappen on a whim, but the violence of her affection was none the weaker for its rapid onset. The alchemist’s instructions were followed to the letter; a tincture of aconite and oak gall was prepared and stirred withershins under the new moon, and one hundred drams of the child’s blood, carefully measured, were drawn from his veins. When the tincture was poured down his throat he bucked, and groaned, and went off into a fit. The Queen was already considering which mode of execution would best communicate her displeasure with the hapless alchemist when the child suddenly relaxed, and passed into a natural sleep.

He slept for seven days, and when he awoke he was no longer quite a human child.

[werdlewrites]

masterlist - ao3 - twitter @ djomamma

summary: warnings: Mentions of abuse, drug use. wc: 2,840

The sun was beginning to set by the time the pair arrived at the trailer park. Heather would cast a glance towards the girl in the driver's seat, anticipating a look of judgment but nothing ever comes. Autumn merely squints and presses herself forward for a better view through the night. The tall lights flickering and providing little to no help through the shadows. She seeks guidance from the passenger, who directs her along the path until they arrive at their destination. At the rear end of the Jeep, Heather pulls her bike from the trunk and wheels it up to the porch, where it lays without chains.

“Welcome to the Hunter abode,” she speaks in a drawl, keys jingling in her free hand as she fumbles with the lock. She mumbles in annoyance. Confessing the key always manages to get stuck, so she has to wiggle it around until there’s a seamless fit. There’s almost a relieved sigh as all falls open - welcoming the two girls into the cozy, dimly lit home. Wood paneling hides behind framed photos and patterned curtains, the light from the television flickering across every surface. It holds a familiar feeling; like a home. Old cigarette smoke pouring out from the fabric, the smell of fried food working hard to disguise it.

“Give me a second, okay? I’ve got t’get this t’my mom.” The other girl gestures down to the brown paper bag, grease darkening a few scattered spots at the bottom. In a matter of seconds, she’s gone. Moving into the small kitchen and down the empty hallway, calling out for her mother who replies in delight at her daughter's return. Their conversation is buried between the walls that separate them—incoherent words paired with a few sudden fits of laughter.

Jealousy stares back at Autumn through reflections in the glass. An ugly thing that mocks and stews in misery. It points a finger and reminds you of what you no longer have, and if it would ever be that way again. She finds herself loosely trailing after her friend, lazy steps carrying her towards the canary yellow fridge decorated in magnets and polaroids. Some hold people she cannot recognize.

Grandparents, unknown family members, or strangers as they linger in the background. Others are all too familiar. A group of boys with wild outfits and wide smiles, or the many versions of Heather as she grew into who she was today. Pictures of her and what she believes to be her mother out at the beach, bucket and shovels in hand. Pictures of Christmas morning and Halloween night, or something a little more recent as they stand in front of a moving truck.

That jealousy begins to simmer out into nothing. Its haunting face is now stoic without harmful words spewed. It drinks in the unknown world of Heather Hunter, finding similarity in ways no one should. Heather is almost breathless when she reappears, face red from smiling for too long, not once faltering as she finds the girl's focus locked on a particular picture. “I know what you’re thinking,” she begins, finally catching Autumn’s attention. “What went wrong?”

The girl snorts, shaking her head in disagreement. It’s nowhere near close - but the thought brings a feeling of guilt. Yet still, it falls off of her tongue. “Has it always been you and your mom?”

She’s hardly phased, blowing a raspberry at first as her body shifts. It had become clear Autumn wasn’t the first to ask. “Nah. Dad’s out there, somewhere. Doin’ what he does best. Being an absolute piece of shit.” Her arms are crossed, her side resting just against the chilled surface as she waits in anticipation for a response. But her friend is left speechless, lips parted as if wanting to speak but unsure of what to say. Heather opts to fill the emptiness. “Mom and I had t’leave him. It just wasn’t safe.”

It’s all so casual. She even spares the shrug of a shoulder as if she hadn’t spent years of her life in physical and mental anguish. As if he never bruised her skin or broke glass at her mother's feet. Jealousy had shifted into something sorrowful. Reaching out to console another wounded bird, though she hardly seems unable to fly. She stands tall with wings at the ready, taking flight off into the freedom she had fought hard for. No more bars to cage in something once delicate, now a force to be reckoned with.

Something in the distance steals away their attention, eyes shifting to the concealed window as heavy equipment moves past, gears squeaking and pipes rattling from within. Autumn chances a look as she leans across the sink, prying back the short curtain to watch as a two-toned van comes to a stop not far from them. A dark figure nearly stumbles out, his silhouette recognizable even now. “Is that Eddie?”

The other leans in just at the girl’s side, eyes narrowed to peel back the darkness. Soon, a smile is etched into place. “Sure is.”

“That’s convenient. Being neighbors with your best friend?”

She shrugs, not seeing the importance of her words. “S’how we met. Want t’go say hi?” Autumn can barely register the thought, let alone reply before she’s dragged back the way she came. Heather shouting out to her mom that she would be at “Munson’s.” Along the way, Heather is suddenly struck by an idea as a few lights come to life from within his home. She instructs Autumn to crouch and follow her lead, creeping along the path until they can hear his music bouncing off of the walls. The pair move along the siding, looking all too suspicious. She’s suddenly hyper-aware of neighbors watching as two shadows stalk around his home, phone at the ready to call for police.

“What are we-?” The question is silenced as a hand cups her mouth, a single finger held midair to keep her from speaking.

Slowly, their skin parts and she watches in continued silence as Heather slowly stands before a closed window, the glow from within illuminating a look of pure joy. Without warning, her palm slams against the glass, immediately forcing out a shriek of fear from the boy. “Bitch!” he calls out from within, angered steps carrying him towards the window. “Let us in!” Heather cries out, still wearing a smile of pride.

“Us?” The curtains are pulled back and the window latch is flicked, ring-clad fingers gripping at the edge as he leans out for a better view. “Who is-? Oh,” he pauses, barely taking in the sight of a familiar girl at Heather’s side. “Hey, Reid.”

Heather doesn’t waste another second. Hardly letting Autumn return the gesture as she boldly states, “Put your porn away and open the door. We’ve got a situation.”

A small smile of amusement is seen in the shadows, yet a look of confusion in his eyes as he wasn’t entirely trusting of her words. “Yeah? What kind of situation?”

The bright eyes of Heather look back to the girl, a smile to suggest secrets on her lips. Autumn does nothing but cross her arms in wait, unsure of what was happening. “We’re in desperate need of some fun.”

His fingers tap against the siding, biting at his lower lip to resist mimicking her joyous expression. But he stands back, arms held out in good faith. “Well, why didn’t you just say so?” Eddie soon hurries off once the window is shut, his frantic steps heard echoing as he races for the front door. Without a word, the two girls follow after, waiting another moment beneath the porch light. Though the time was short, it was enough to tug on Heather’s interest as she spared a curious look at Autumn in suspicion.

The door is swung back, fingers hastily combing through his mess of hair with rings threatening to tangle in the strands. Once settled, his arm is outstretched as an invite, a mocking bow in his posture. “Ladies,” he says dramatically, waiting until they both settle into the warmth of his home. It’s a stark contrast to the Hunter’s. All beige and brown. The only color coming from a collection of mugs and caps from around the world.

“Were you actually hiding your porn?”

He tuts in disapproval, his finger waving in the air. “A gentleman never tells.”

But the girl knows better, turning to face her friend to confess the boy’s secrets. “He’s got about five magazines under th-”

“That’s enough!” Eddie cries out, a large hand moving to clamp over her face. He tucks her back against his chest, now dragging her through the small home and down the hall. All protests are muffled as she stumbles along the way. “C’mon, Reid.” He calls out. “The fun is this way.”

She doesn’t follow in their steps upon his command. She instead lingers, arms tight around her torso as she considers what the fuck she’s agreed to. With a steady intake of breath, she braces for what's to come. She’s in it now, and it would be even more painful to make an excuse and bail. So, with one forced step after another, she inches closer to his bedroom, where Heather cries out in disgust. “Your hand tastes like ass!”

There’s a brief pause between the two. “You know what ass tastes like? Ow!” The punch to his arm is hard enough to hear. A muted ‘thud’ followed by clumsy feet as he works to catch himself. The room is exactly what she imagines, matching his personality, or at least what she knows of it. Posters of familiar bands hang up on the walls, his guitar resting up against the dresser that's cluttered with everyday items. It's careless and free, just like him.

He rubs at the unseen injury, a look of agony on his face until he finds Autumn standing in the doorway. The flip seems to switch, then. A bright smile to light up the room as he gestures out to the small space. “Make yourself at home.” Heather is already making herself comfortable, the desk chair pulled out with legs kicked up onto the mattress. She can see the hesitation in the other, giving a kind smile and nod towards the bed. Autumn does as suggested - first just at the edge out of uncertainty. With further encouragement in the silence, she pulls her legs up to cross over one another, finding easy comfort.

Eddie keeps his back to them, mumbling to himself as he digs through the top drawer. She can hear the crinkle of plastic, his deep eyes studying the contents with care before dropping it all back into the depths. Once he finds what he’s looking for, he turns with a victorious cry. “Ah-ha!” The bag contains numerous, rolled joints. Tape across the surface marked with a date and a specific plant name. “Is this what you had in mind?”

“Fuck yes it is,” Heather replies with a grunt, her body now stretched out to rip the contents from his grip. She pauses once the seam is torn open, eyes cautiously looking back to Autumn who has remained mostly silent. “Unless you don’t want to? We can have sober fun.”

She’s not left in the silence for long. The girl before her is already painfully aware of the ache in her ribcage. A heart turning to heavy stone before it shatters to rubble, unable to withstand the pressure life adds upon it. “I think it’s exactly what I need.” It’s all either two need as they settle down, smoke soon filling the air with every exhale. It’s all casual talk in the beginning, waiting for the high to creep in like a growing shadow. Eddie mentions Dungeons and Dragons, looking at Autumn expectantly from his place on the carpeted floor, body stretched out and relaxed.

“Oh, no, no-” She says in panic, waving away the cloud that spills from her lips. “I’ve got t’much going on t’be playing that.”

The boy’s head falls back in a fit of laughter, his linked feet swaying from side to side in pure bliss. “You say it with such disgust.”

The joint is passed across the way to an eagerly awaiting Heather, a smile on her lips as she watches her two friends dive deeper into a genuine friendship. “It’s not disgust.” Autumn corrects. “Doesn’t that game last, what? Months?”

“Yeah,” Eddie replies, a subtle shrug seen as a shit-eating grin grows. “Or like, years.”

“Years?” she practically shouts, eyes wide with disbelief. Eddie’s form is slowly becoming hazy. The colors around him slowly melting into one another, creating an abstract painting before her eyes. “You’re nuts.”

“Best way t’be.” He retorts. The boy follows after the lit embers, a moth to a flame. His torso is sagged forward, heavy as he carries the universe's weight on his shoulders. The inhale of his chest moves in near slow motion, a stupid look on his face as he surrenders to nature's beauty. Giving himself over to whatever she desired.

The room becomes a chaotic storm. Wild conversations and shouts of delight rebound off of the covered walls. Snacks spilling out onto the floor as heated debates began, with pointed fingers yet joy in their eyes. Laughter was always just around the corner. Even through the swarm of madness, and violent winds ripping the world away - it’s hard to miss the way he gravitates to her. An anchor to keep him steady as the eye of a hurricane tears through his sanctuary. Deep brown eyes linger on her when she’s not paying attention, and hers do the same. It’s painfully obvious even through the fog that threatens to blind them all. Autumn wonders if they even know what’s happening between them.

“Fuck.” Heather suddenly blurts out as an idea strikes her like a bolt of lightning. “D’you bring your cards?”

Autumn shakes her head, an effortless laugh rumbling within her chest. “It’s at home.” It’s the first time in a while that the word doesn’t carry a feeling of sorrow and longing. A feeling of emptiness as she wanders through life without a clear path.

“I wanted you t’scare him again.” His eyes roll dramatically, thinking back to the time he spent cowering away from the girl once she depicted his past and future. All written throughout his flesh.

“That’s not hard.” Autumn retorts, watching the way his focus snaps back at her, clearly offended while the girl at his side wears a look of pride.

“I think she just called you a ‘pussy.’”

A narrowed look aims in her direction, a feigned look of anger and a scowl on his lips. “You’re honestly a terrible friend.”

“I could read palms again. Things can always change.” She offers with a small shrug, watching as their eyes light up with excitement. But they never get that far. Heather had scrambled her way across the small space between them to sit at her friend's side, asking for a demonstration on reading palms and what it all means. She holds her hand out to Autumn, and with a delicate touch, she points to every curve and loop of chains. Heather can barely focus, eyes squinting as she pulls her skin closer, not truly seeing what the other could but playing along out of fascination.

Then, the confidence kicks in. She’s slipped from the bed and down onto the floor, where Eddie waits in silence. Heather is muttering to herself, studying both of his hands before taking favor of his left palm. Given the encouragement she needs, she studies through the haze of her high. At first, the action renders the boy pink in the cheeks. Wide eyes flickering elsewhere to ignore the embarrassment of such an intimate moment put on display. She doesn’t notice, but Autumn does.

Heather’s thumbs push and pull at the skin, looking for something that sparks with light in her mind. Then, a trembling smile comes to the surface, holding secrets hostage as she begins to speak. “I see something.” The pair share a look of wonder, though the girl on the bed remains a little more disbelieving, but doesn’t stomp out his fire as he leans forward with intrigue.

“What? What is it?” She has to bite back her smile before forcing it all to fall flat, keeping on the mask for the sake of the game.

“I see,” Cheeks hollow and without warning, she spits into the dip of his palm. A look of pure horror dances across his expression while she continues to bask in her success. “A pool.”

The metalhead is nearly frozen in place, staring down at the dampened spot in his hand in shock. When she begins to snicker, it's then that he retaliates. The hand is ripped away from her grasp to then smooth its way across her face, nearly tackling the girl as she tries to fend him off. “It's your spit! Take it back, you nasty freak!”

[thegeminisage]

oh, it's also finally time for the official ds9 character ranking as of the end of s1. i'm not doing minor characters yet (jake, nog, garak, keiko) since they haven't had any major stuff going on and idk if they ever will. rankings in the future may be different.

odo - whatever autistic swag he has going on has charmed and bewitched me. i'm so easy i love little guys that don't get humanity. he seems like the natural choice after spock and data i should have known this would happen. every single thing i learn about him makes me more insane. also, he's so dour and gruff that he is just BEGGING to be given an arc where he gets a child or a love interest or whoever who gets to be the only one able to lighten him up at all. and i know about him getting with kira so i am just sitting here like. PLEASE let that be good. please.

kira - ALL OF HER SCENES ARE SO GOOD. i liked her from the beginning but they have done NOTHING but feed me ever since the pilot. her conflict, or rather, lack of conflict, now that the war is over, is so fucking good. who even is she now that she's not the underdog? how do you just move on once the war is over? she's such a good actress too, she smiles when she's angry and she can cry on cue. you can feel the weight of her history every single time she's on screen, she's fantastic

sisko - the only reason he didn't tie with kira is because we haven't seen as much sisko-centric stuff yet. i thought his intro in the pilot was INSANELY good, it blew my mind, and i couldn't wait to see where he went from there...but then he didn't go anywhere else. that said, i do love that he always backs up his people, especially kira and odo since they're not federation. also i LOVE what a good dad he is and his extremely wholesome jokes about that time he and dax fucked twins or whatever.

bashir - i love to laugh at this guy. he is SO good comedically and i don't know why i didn't expect him to be the comedy character but he is. i know he has some deeper stuff later and i CANNOT WAAAAIT to see what else he is gonna have going on with garak, i'm very excited for his future. i feel like once bashir finally gets a serious storyline it's gonna hit me like a fucking truck because of how silly he is the rest of the time...my favorite cringefail loser <3

o'brien - he would have tied with bashir except again he had less stuff to do. i like him so much better in ds9 than tng and he is SOOO longsuffering but i'm still waiting to see why everyone says he suffers more than jesus on the cross. also, i fucking love his little girl. she's so cute i die. i'm never sorry to see this guy on my screen.

dax - love and light to women and people who are only currently women and genderfluid worms everywhere, so far i feel pretty uncompelled by the dax stuff. i mean, i don't dislike her or anything, but she can't hold a candle to some of the characters higher on this list. her hair is So Big that it's weird to look at but i could forgive this if she was less...buttoned up? she's always very :X except when she talks about how cool it is to be a hot woman everyone likes flirting with, which, like, GOOD for her, but i'd like to know who she is beyond that. her personality seems so fluid she doesn't have one - even sisko paints a more vivid picture of curzon dax than we get of jadzia, which is mostly a lot of blah. i absolutely believe they'll make her more interesting later they just haven't caught me yet

quark - i mean. this was inevitable. i DO like him better than i thought i would and whatever he has going on with odo is extremely fucking funny, but on his own he's not as funny as bashir and he's not got as much depth as the rest of the cast, plus there's the whole ferengi issue of them not being written well in general. he's actually such a huge improvement on all other ferengi ever though that i deeply considered giving him the #6 spot, but dax, while uncompelling, DID at least get a backstory episode that was good instead of that episode quark got that made him hold the idiot ball. so.

[six-eyed-samurai]

SOUND PILLAR'S TSUGOKU

Add-on to my previous what-if of Tengen Uzui adopting Gyutaro and Ume Shabana - read the first part here.

I imagine that Gyutaro wouldn’t directly tell Tengen about his crazy skills with the sickle, (despite his denial) mostly because he’s worried that they’ll be more wary of him or think bad of him or take it the wrong way or think he’ll murder them all in their sleep or hurt them like he did to the - never mind, that’s just his intrusive, depressive thoughts.

So there would probably be only three scenarios in which the Uzui household will find out about his sickle skills if 1. He does some gardening/farming 2. Ume boasts about how her brother protected her back in the Red Light District 3. Gyutaro accidentally makes an offhand remark about it. But we’ll get back to that later. 

By now Gyutaro and Ume would’ve known about their adoptive family’s job, alternating between staying at home with the Uzui wives or overnighting at the Butterfly Mansion if all their parents are away. You can’t convince me that Ume doesn’t like to flex about her dad being the most flamboyant Hashira of all flamboyant Hashira. 

“Ha! My daddy never gets sick! He’ll never die and never lose! My flamboyant, powerful daddy…can do anything he wants!”

To this day Gyutaro is still very protective over Ume, as he’s still harboring the deep rooted fear that one day this heaven would vanish in a puff of smoke,  so once he’s heard about man-eating demons you bet your life’s savings he’s paranoid as hell about Ume at night now.

What if one day a demon broke into their Estate and slaughtered everyone? What if Ume got turned into a demon? What if he got turned into a demon? What if a demon killed Tengen? What if, what if, what if-

And then he has to remind himself Tengen is a Hashira and the Uzui wives were trained as shinobi, nothing could possibly befall them, as Ume liked to brag! 

Okay, but what if they weren’t around and Ume and him were left to fend for themselves? 

It’s alright! He’s pretty sick with a sickle, he’ll make a demon sorry it even cast eyes on his baby sister-

Oh wait, didn’t Tengen say that demons could only be killed with Nichirin swords?

And so this loop of doubt and reassurances would go round and round and round until Gyutaro ultimately decides that to be doubly, triply, quadruple-y sure nothing demonic will ever befall his sister, he's going to become a slayer.

Gyutaro would one day get bored of watching Hinatsuru, Makio and Suma play dolls with Ume for the hundredth time (there’s only so many times he can take listening to Ume’s princess dreams, no matter how much he loves her) and wander away to find Tengen training some poor slayers he’s berating for “swinging your swords and using your breathing techniques in the most un-flamboyant way possible”. He didn't even realize how his thoughts were going to spiral until he accidentally interrupts with a blurted “Teach me how to become a slayer.”

Tengen would definitely be surprised but pleased, banging on and on about the flamboyance they would share as “the flashiest father and son duo to ever slay demons!” To the point Gyutaro almost reconsiders. Almost.

Breaking the news over dinner (Tengen CANNOT keep his mouth shut, much to Gyutaro’s embarrassment), stunned silence would reign supreme until the girls explode in excitement and anxiety.

“WAAAAAAH, MY BABY'S GROWING UP!” -Suma

“Har? GOOD JOB, GYU-KUN!” -Makio

“Are you sure? It's not a life we'd want to expose you to-” -Hinatsuru

But the biggest surprise came from the loudest voice:

“THEN I WANNA BE LIKE ONII-CHAN!!!”

Bad enough that one of their kids was going to put themselves on the line, so the Uzui wives and Gyutaro did their best to discourage Ume, but stubbornness and cuteness will get you where you want, much to the others reluctance. Tengen, unhelpful as he is in child discipline and the fine line between proud-that-my-kids-are-gonna-slay-demons and my-kids-are-gonna-slay-demons-I’m-worried, simply burst out into booming laughter, scooping up Ume and playfully tugging at Gyutaro’s topknot. 

And so this was how Tengen landed himself with not one, but two Tsugoku.

To stick with the actual storyline as much as possible, Gyutaro and Ume probably wouldn't take over Sound Breathing, despite their (extremely intense) training in it, probably going off to invent their own techniques.

I'd like to think Shinobu would take a liking to Gyutaro because of how overprotective he is of Ume, and Gyutaro vice versa (low-key, she scared him with the smiling when they first met) so she would've influenced his breathing technique when he created it: Poison Breathing.

Let's not forget how much Mitsuri would love Ume! Ume would be so obsessed with her hair and both would eat mochi galore gossiping and squealing over boys (Gyutaro forced to clean up her mess after she went to go wheedle Obanai). Mitsuri would definitely find them both very cute and cry at their horrible history; pinching their cheeks would become her new pastime (Obanai’s jealous but we don't talk about that) - and would be over the moon to find out Ume has declared her her idol and invented Ribbon Breathing, inspired by Love Breathing!

However, I don’t think and if you’ve already guessed that Gyutaro and Ume aren’t going to use the typical Nichiron blades: Tengen requesting (bothering) the swordsmiths to commission the most flamboyant pair of sickles and whip-like sword (reference to Mitsuri’s, but more whip-like to suit Ribbon Breathing) to ever be commissioned. The Uzui household had never been prouder the first time the siblings displayed their skill and beheaded their first demon. 

Gyutaro’s canon design includes baggy pants and those collar-looking red cloth, so in this theory they would be replaced with the same type of gemstone-headband and gold band Tengen wears, with a similar sleeveless uniform and equally baggy pants. I think Gyutaro, weirdly, would go slaying barefoot because no matter how civilized he is now he never did get used to the feeling of shoes.  He probably slings his sickles at his back too, Tengen-style. 

Say Ume’s former uniform was made by Masao, and all hell broke loose when Gyutaro and Tengen found out. Masao’s new glasses were proof enough of that. The Uzui wives demanded a remake, and when they didn’t get one (Masao going on strike) they tailored her uniform themselves to cover up and added the obi belt Warabihime is so famous for. Let’s not forget Ume flaunting her red eyeliner her daddy drew on!

Tengen begins to insist and receive missions if possible where all three of them can go together (“We’ll out-flash any dull, un-flamboyant demon together!”), so obviously when he decides to go hunt for his wives (Let’s all take a moment to imagine the tantrum Ume would throw when she finds out her moms are putting themselves in danger and Gyutaro freaking out silently but obsessively scratching at himself once again) at the Red Light District, despite his misgivings and qualms about taking the siblings back to their personal hell, they all wound up going together anyway because Ume can scream pretty shrilly and Gyutaro threatened to steal Tengen’s jewelry. 

So remember that scene where Tanjiro arrives to see Tengen “kidnapping” the Butterfly Girl and Aoi? 

Re-imagine it now, but have Gyutaro holding up the Butterfly Girl by her collar and Ume riding Tengen’s shoulders as he tosses Aoi over the other one. 

***

“OH MY GOD, JUST SHUT UP!” Ume glared at Aoi contemptuously, tossing her head slightly. “Aren’t you a slayer? You should be proud you’ve been chosen for such a mission! You guys are so miserable; you mustn't have tried very hard if this is all you’ve got! How unfortunate!”

“Please stop it!”

“Let them go!”

Tengen sighs heavily at the cries of the other Butterfly Girls, turning around to walk away. Noticing this, Gyutaro immediately shakes Aoi violently, threatening to drop her off the perch he had on top of the wall. “OI! STOP SCREAMING, OR WE’LL SEE WHAT SHE’LL LOOK LIKE SPLAT ON THE GROUND!”

“No need for violence, kid.” Tengen patted Gyutaro’s head with a “stern” expression. “Let’s go! Your mothers are a-waiting!”

Ume clapped her hands gleefully; Gyutaro leaped off and trailed along beside the Sound Pillar, only to stop short when someone was very irritatingly tugging on his uniform. He whipped his head around with a snarl. Kira? Kanae? Whatever her name was, she was seriously pissing him off, trying to rebel against Tengen’s orders!

“HEY! LET GO! DON’T PULL AT US SO PLAINLY LIKE THAT!” Ume snapped viciously.

“You have your orders.” Tengen scowled at Kocho’s tsugoku. 

A beat of silence, then another, and another.

“DADDY, SHE’S CREEPY!”

“NEH, JUST SAY SOMETHING!”

“DON’T FREAK MY KIDS OUT, YOU PLAIN BORING PERSON!”

Gyutaro nearly brought out his sickles right there right now when the Butterfly Girls pathetically charged at him and Tengen. 

“WHAT’RE YOU DOING TO THE GIRLS?! GET YOUR HANDS OFF THEM!”

Great, what now? Oh right, it was that annoying forehead kid. 

“Save them!!! It’s a kidnapping!!!”

“SHUT UP! IT SHOULD BE AN HONOR FOR ALL YOU USELESS SCUM TO BE CHOSEN FOR A MISSION AND TO SLAY ALONGSIDE A HASHIRA! ONII-CHAN, GET HER TO SHUT UP!”

Gyutaro grunted, glowering at Kamado. Tengen came to his rescue, pressing a quick kiss to Ume’s forehead before yelling again. “YOU DUMB LITTLE BRAT!”

Okay, but he honestly didn’t expect Tengen to get headbutted or find himself hoisted and thrown up in the air.

“Good dodge,” he muttered, landing just in time next to the Sound Pillar. Aoi fidgeted and struggled, trying to get out of his grasp. “STOP MOVING, OR I’LL REALLY DROP YOU, WOMAN!”

“YOU FOOL!” Ume spat. “Do you even know who you’re dealing with?!”

“...”

“Idiots,” she huffed.

“I am the “former shinobi” Uzui Tengen-sama. The man who is known as the most flamboyant around these parts. And these are my very flashy children and future successors!”

Tengen loomed menacingly over them as Ume giggled with a gleam in her blue eyes and Gyutaro cackled. 

“Did you think that I would get headbutted by a snot-filled brat like you? You’ve picked the wrong family to mess with.”

***

For the sake of this storyline we’re just going to say Nakime is Upper Moon Six, Gyokko the one who killed Kanae (totally not because I want to see Shinobu roast the shit out of his pots and vases) and only Hantengu who attacked the Swordsmith Village to make everything work, and have Douma be lurking around the Entertainment District as a “customer” whose appearance is way too coincidental with the sudden increase in suicide and deaths. 

Ume would probably pose as a serving girl due to her young age, and is excellent at playing cute, innocent and unsuspecting, probably getting the closest to Douma due to this. She would only be around to keep an eye on the Kamaboko Squad for Tengen though, being the only true girl there. Please imagine with me her boasting to Tanjiro about her “best big brother in the whole world”, enthusiastically styling Nezuko’s hair, screaming at Zenitsu to back off (Tengen picks on him because of this, Gyutaro reminds Zenitsu about his sickle skills way too sadistically) and arguing with Inosuke for being too rough in disguise. Underneath her loudmouthed exterior though, it’s obvious to everyone that she’s genuinely afraid of what happened to her mothers. 

Gyutaro knows he won’t be able to fit in with the others, so he mostly patrols around with Tengen or ensures nobody inappropriately touches Ume. Surely Tengen wouldn’t mind if a pervert or two goes missing - oh, fine, he could almost hear Hinatsuru, Makio and Suma scolding him. He can still chop off a finger or two, right? No? Intense diarrhea from poisoning then?

***

The odds of it were so impossible, but yet it was true. Everyone was alive. ALIVE. Ume, Tengen, Hinatsuru, Makio, Suma…everyone. 

Gyutaro wiped his face of blood, sweat and tears, succumbing to Makio’s frantic shaking down and questioning of his state, letting himself lean against Tengen while his sister babbled nonsensically and made him promise about a hundred times that he wouldn’t die without her.

So happy. Everyone was alive, they were going to be okay, everything was going to work out, they could live out that dream in the countryside they were always talking about-

“Should I praise you or something? What were you thinking, losing your left arm and eye? Even if this was a fight against an Upper Moon. How long will it take for you to recover? Who will take your place while you’re doing that? Your…kids are good, but not that good.”

“HEY! YOU DON’T TALK TO DADDY LIKE THAT!” Ume still had it in her to argue with one snarky Serpent Pillar apparently, dragging herself up to a sitting position to stare judgmentally at him, snapped sword in hand. “YOU WEREN’T THE ONE FIGHTING UPPER MOON TWO!” 

“Neh, sis, don’t move so fast.” Gyutaro groaned, prying himself from Suma’s smothering grip and Hinatsuru’s frantic examination of any injuries. “You’ll hurt yourself more.”

Still, he shot Obanai his best death stare too. Tengen barked a laugh and slung an arm around his skinny shoulders. “It’s alright. I’m retiring, man. I just can’t fight anymore. Oyakata-sama will probably allow me to do so as well.”

“But it’s alright.” Tengen gestured at the siblings proudly. “The young ones are growing up. Gyutaro and Ume will take my place with flamboyance! The Poison Hashira and Ribbon Hashira will be coming soon.”

“Especially the boy you absolutely despise, though, Iguro.” Tengen winked. “ Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re having a family reunion.”

As if on cue Suma and Ume burst into tears once more and Tengen did his best to join in on the group hug with his remaining arm.

Gyutaro had never considered his life lucky before, but now he’d call it fortunate. It was one hell of a miracle…but everyone was alive.

[hermanunworthy]

!DNDADS S2 EP44 SPOILERS!

aTONYment??? what does pepperoni tony have to so w this. oh my god are they gonna visit him in heaven or something. wtf is happening. guess i gotta listen and find out (im scared)

- BETH PLAYING AS NPC BETH MAY

- "ron... what ARE we?" WTF IS HAPPENINGGG

- ROGUE TAYLOR??????

- MORE GOOFY FREDDIE NUMBERS IM EXCITED

- NO NO DONT SAY THE LINCOLN FACT AS LINCOLN THATS GONNA MAKE ME SAD

- WILL IS SO SILLY i love that man

- i like the energy at the start of this one its fun

- wait is anthony doing a regular dad fact

- ANTHONY. 😭

- FREDDIE DEATH SOUND MY BELOVED

- DID LINCOLN JUST CALL HIS GRANDPA ZADDY. NEVER AGAIN

- "i had more fun in the other place" GREASE CAR FLASHBACKS.

- OMG EARLY HERMIE APPEARANCE (i choked on my food)

- "no! we cant! my scene partner!" they are so besties (worsties)

- "MY FUTURE LIFE PARTNER" HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK OAKWORTHY CRUMBS. OH M GOD . FUTURE LIFE PARTNER.

- MEATBALL SCARY

- TERRY JR SOON. GUYS

- oh wow beth hasnt cast unseen servant since. goth

- ANTHONYS BABY VOICE

- so lincoln is looking for the eleanor shellstrop okay (this whole heaven/hell stuff has just constantly been reminding me of tgp)

- "he looks up at them asianly" has the same energy as the "cries in spanish" meme

- FREDDIES LITTLE SONG HAS ME SCREAMINGGGG

- ARE TJEY ACTUALLY GONNA FIND TONY. OH MY GOD

- WOW ALL U GUYS THAT WERE JUST TELLING ME HOW U MISS PEPPERONI TONY. HOW ARE YALL FEELING

- SCARY HAS A CHANCE TO APOLOGIZE.

- 4:30 MILE IS ACTUALLY INSANE. MATT.

- HOW DID WILL FORGET THAT SOCCER IS LINKS WHOLE THING

- GOD LINK CALLING NORMAL OUTTT

- HERMIE. FUCK OFFFFF

- SPARROW OFFERING NORMAL A HUG????

- FUUUUUCK. NORMAL

- help i would like to interrupt for just a sec to say that in the middle of the episode just now i got hired at spirit halloween. dndads reference GAKDJD

- TONY WAS WAITING FOR MARGARITA WAAAAA

- SCARY SOUNDS SO NERVOUS NOBODY HMU

- IM GONNA CRY. I CANT DO THIS

- PLZZZZ LET THEM SEE MARGARITA AGAIN PLZZZ

- SCARY WHY WOULD U ASK IF IT HURT :[[

- WHAT IS THE VIBE OF THIS SCENE. HELP

- NOOOO I NEED SCARY AND MARGARITA TO INTERACT AGAIN. THEY ARE GFS

- SCARY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT....

- THEY ARE BEING SO AWFUL TO NORMAL. QUIT IT

- SCARYS TALKING ABOUT TERRY. END ME

- "he never knew me when i was someone to be proud of" OOOUGHGHHH

- IF THAT FUCKING SWORD GOT INTO HERMIES HANDS. THEY WOULD BE UNSTOPPABLE

- NORMAL. BURIES MY HEAD IN THE FUCKING DIRT

- ooo normal dragging the sword would make cool fanart

- i honestly love salty normal but it also makes me really sad

- SCARY DIDNT INCLUDE HERMIE AMONG HER SPOUSES????

- TY WILL FOR REMEMBERING NICKY

- TAYLOR DEFENDING HIS DAD AWWW

- WTF IS THIS FIGHT???? HELLO??

- IS NORMAL FINALLY SNAPPING. IS THIS HAPPENING

- "I AM JEALOUS I DONT HAVE ANY COOL DYNAMICS W ANYBODY!!!" FUUUUUUCKK

- i cant do this i feel sick im SICK

- "why are they arguing i thought they liked each other" WHAT IF I BURST INTO TEARS RN.

- THE NORMAL ANGST IN THIS EPISODE IS TOOOO MUCH FOR ME

- NORMAL PUT THE MASCOT COSTUME BACK ON. FUCK. FUCK

- "ME AND MY THREE BEST FRIENDS AND MY FUTURE BOYFRIEND" GUYS. GUYS I CANNOT DO THIS

- THESE KIDS ARE SOOOO TRAUMATIZED WHAT THE HELLLL

- OH RON WAS IN SCARYS POCKET

- TERRY IS IN THE "PLANES OF MISERY"????

- "maybe he saw what u could be" BETH.....

- LINKS TRYING TO TALK TO NORMAL AGAIN PLZ END MY SUFFERING

- TERRY AND GLENN ARE FUCKING FIGHTING EACH OTHER????? WHATTTT

- OH NEXT EPISODE IS GONNA BE WIIIIIILD DUUUDE