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mae-gi-writes · 3 years

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Yūgen | Sunwoo (The Boyz)

Yugen (n.) a profound, mysterious sense of the beauty of the universe that triggers a deep, emotional response.

Requested by anon! In which Sunwoo, the ace of the volleyball team, is curious about what you’re drawing all the time. Until one day, he stumbles upon a drawing of himself made from yours truly.

Genre: fluff, volleyball player! Sunwoo and art student reader, shy love, softness, and inspired by haikyuu because I have been obssessed with the anime lately TT__TT A/N: It feels like it’s been ages since I’ve posted here! Slowly but surely, I’m going through my inbox and replying to your requests. Thank you for your patience, stay safe loves, ily all xx

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Sunwoo wasn't artistically inclined.

But that never stopped him from admiring those that were. He was always so curious as to how just a flick of fingers managed to create a shadow, or how just one glance at a subject made it through onto paper without so much as an effort to remember the details. It was like it was automatically recorded into one's brain, hands already registered to mimic the curves and the folds and the shadows that turned into nothing short of a miraculous piece. So when he caught sight of someone drawing, it always piqued his interest. He stumbled upon you one late afternoon after his volleyball practice, with sweat dotting his forehead and his training bag slung casually over his shoulder. He was about to direct his way to the parking lot upon exiting the gymnasium, only to spot a lone figure huddled upon the bleachers and curled into a ball that caused Sunwoo to frown. Slowly sidling up to the stranger in question and peeking over the railing to catch a glimpse of your face, his eyes are instantly driven to the sketchpad in your hands.

You didn't notice him though, so absorbed in your own world with earphones blocking out reality that a tsunami could've gone unnoticed. So Sunwoo took advantage to climb over onto the opposite bleacher and, after ensuring that your back wouldn't turn to greet him, leaned over the separation to catch sight of a lone figure cartwheeling freely over the page. Woah. You were talented alright. There was nothing else to describe the fluidity of movement you caught with your pencil. It made Sunwoo's breath catch in his throat. He had the sudden urge to know exactly what kind of face hid behind the visual mastery manifesting before his very eyes. After all, there must be other things for them to see rather than the boring literal reality that most people settled for. What kind of imageries were they creating in their heads? What beautiful stories were they crafting? Worlds they got lost in? You moved then, causing Sunwoo to jolt back and scurry away with his heart beating out of his chest, deciding that it was enough spying for the day. After that day, he made sure to seek you out every time after practice although he noticed you never strayed too long in the same place, always moving about like a shadow lingering in the corner, invisible yet omniscient. Sometimes you would find a quiet spot in a patch of sunlight by the tennis courts. Sometimes you'd be found on the bleachers, alert eyes observing every pass, every move, every twist of a body like camera taking everything in. Sunwoo never approached you. Not that he didn't want to, but he found it awkward to just come up to you and present himself as the guy who'd been stalking your drawings. So he admired you from afar instead, relished in the passion of your dark coffee coloured eyes and in the attentive focus dipping your eyebrows in a soft frown, lips paeted slightly in concentration. "Do you know her?" He'd asked one of his friends from the volleyball team once, during their lunch break as he saw you line up at the cafeteria. Changmin took a peek at your face before he shook his head, "she might be in one of my electives." "Which one?" "I think it's art." Sunwoo forced his face to remain in a mask of calmness as he grabbed a steak sandwich, no fries, "do you know her name?" "Nah. I don't think she's ever spoken in class," Changmin's eyebrows quirk up then, "why'd you ask?" "No reason." Changmin's pointed look defined anything but that. Although he did have the decency to drop the subject as soon as the rest of the volleyball team joined the table. Sunwoo got his answer a few days later when he practically toppled over you and your drawing crayons. It was his mistake. He'd been leaning too far out from the top of the basketball bleachers, struggling to get even the smidgest glimpse of what amazing piece of art hiding under your jacket sleeve, only for his foot to slip. Down he went with a curse, crashing straight into your body and quickly scrabbling to wrap his arms around your head, a pathetic attempt to cushion your fall as you fell into a heap in front of the bleachers. "You--you okay?" He huffed out, breathless and heart beating like a time bomb. Pulling his arms away slowly, gently, he finally met your gaze straight on and --oh my, your eyes were not coffee coloured at all. But more of a honey-brown, wide open and framed by soft lashes. Currently dilated in panic. "I'm fine! What--What about you? Oh gosh, I'm so sorry--" "No it was my fault," he made a grab for your sketchbook and scattered pens only for his orbs to register the face messily etched onto the paper. His breath caught. For a minute, he could do nothing but stare at the replica of his face made in charcoal. Those were his eyes, his slightly crooked nose. The scowl he wore during his soccer matches. That was him. The resemblance was akin to that of perfection. That was before your hands snatched away the sketchbook before you quickly slammed it closed, cheeks blazing red, "that's-- I swear I"m not a creep, I-- I just do that for practice--" "It's amazing." Your head-- which had been bowed this entire time for fear that anger would be his response -- shot up in surprise, "what?" "It's amazing," Sunwoo repeated. He wouldn't mind repeating it forever, he realized, if that meant he got to see that aforable blush of yours. He reached out with his hand, "can I look at it again?" So you allowed him after some slight hesitation, and if he noticed, he didn't comment. Fingers brushing against yours slightly, he handled the sketchbook with utmost care as he flipped through the pages with child-like awe. He'd seen your drawings, sure, but mere glimpses here and there, a sneak peek, always accompanied with the fear of being found. But now, he could take his time and actually relish in the soft tracings of your crayon, admire the gentle shadings that made up the tip of his nose. You had managed to capture that frown -- the one he used whenever he concentrated -- to perfection and for a minute he swore he'd fallen in love with himself. "You're really good," he murmured, though that definitely banalized the array of praises popping through his head, "you should keep doing them. I mean it." "So, you're not--" you paused, "mad?" "Well I think you'd have more reason to be mad if you knew I was stalking you from before." "What?" Oh Sunwoo, you idiot. Your eyes had tripled their size and you were looking at him like he'd just grown a second head. He lifted his hands as defence, "that sounded so much better in my head. I swear I'm not that creepy, or a stalker, I just--well you're always drawing and I got curious but I can't really come over and tell you to show me so I had to hide and peek and--" You burst out laughing in his face and despite the fact that he was the cause, he couldn't help joining in with a small chuckle, a grin spreading across his features at how alive you looked at this very moment. "You can ask me next time," your grin settled into a soft smile, "I don't bite." "Your words, not mine," he said, tone lighter and teasing. He helped you gather your belongings and as the pair of you started towards the school gates, he asked for your name. "Y/N," you answered, "and you?" "Sunwoo," he noticed the sky was darkening into purple, a sign that twilight was approaching. Usually, he'd be in a hurry to catch the last bus of the evening to avoid the pain of traffic after six. But it was like his body was slowing down on its own to join your pace, as if he was automatically tuning in to the rhythm of your steps. He found he didn't mind. "So why athletes? Any special reason why you like drawing them?" He asked as you reached the gates. "I just like watching the way they move. It's ...graceful," a hand went to rub the back of your neck, "and they come in handy for figure practice." "I mean, we're not that graceful when you're on the pitch ready to get blown away," he chuckled, "but thanks. At least we know we don't play like animals." "Oh god no. The volleyball team's pretty good. The rugby team on the other hand..." you sigh before you shake your head, "that team is nearly impossible to draw." His shoulders shook as he laughed, "well I don't think they aim for graceful. They look like a pack of wild dogs. Even I don't understand how they play." You had reached the said bus stop by then before you spotted your mother's car along the sidewalk, "oh, my mom's here," you turn to him, "where do you live? Maybe we can drop you--" Meeting your mom? On the first day of meeting you? Sunwoo's hands flew up, shaking them wildly in response, "oh no no, that's not necessary. I'll see you tomorrow!" Thank god for the bus that pulled up at the right time so that he didn't have to linger longer than he needed to. But he didn't miss the small wave of your hand as you watched him go, the smile on your face warming his heart even when it was one of the coldest winter days of the year. From that day onwards, Sunwoo made it a must to make his presence known whenever you were deep in your sketches, always observing, sometimes silently keeping you company and sometimes getting so wrapped up in conversation that your pens would lay forgotten by your bag as you bantered back and forth about subjects that would've made people throw you looks of concern. It became routine to have Sunwoo's head pop up from behind the bleachers or to see him walk up the path to your special hiding spot, right where your gaze would meet the tennis court. You sketched him more and more, folding your drawings into your bag so that he wouldn't see although the urge to catch his face on paper was a growing addiction you couldn't ignore. Even your friends had noticed his lingering presence, proceeding to prod you with questions reflecting their curiosity. "He's from the vòlleyball team isn't he?" Yeji asked one time during lunch, upon noticing the way the said young man's stare lingered over the back of your head before turning away just as quickly, "do you know him?" "We've spoken once or twice." "How do you know him?" Your other friend, Saeron, nudged you with a wriggle of her brows. You brushed her teasing away, "we bumped into each other and then he saw my drawings." "Oh right, you do sketch athletes," Yeji leaned forward, mouth full of bread, "did you sketch him?" "I did, actually." "Oh awkward," Saeron giggled, "he's handsome though, can't deny that. You gotta introduce us sometime." You mumbled out an agreement even though you sat with them just for the sake of having people around. It wasn't that you didn't appreciate them. You did. But they seemed to speak a language you couldn't quite grasp. You would rather sit in your own silence, enjoy your own company if that made sense. Maybe that was why it was so surprising, that you allowed Sunwoo to linger as long as he wanted to. There was something authentic about the way he reacted to your words, an unguarded expression that made you comfortable enough to speak up without fear of judgment. Spending time with Sunwoo was listening to water trickle down the river. Smooth and free. Peaceful. But Sunwoo seldom knew of your high regards, was not aware of the tiny sketch of his figure in mid-spike that was hidden in the pocket of your school skirt so that you could take a peek whenever you felt out of place or nervous. It calmed you down to admire his composure, even if his expression was a mere mimic that could not replace reality. "Do you have any material in particular that you like to use?" Sunwoo asked one cloudy afternoon, breaking the silence while huddling a little closer to peek at your newest sketch of Lee Juyeon; a basketball star player known for his quick reflexes and adept playing style. Not only was his skill on par with that of a Nationals team, but his looks had garnered him quite a fanbase from the get-go. Sunwoo would've liked to say that he wasn't jealous of the way your thumb gently applied shade to Juyeon's lower lip. But the spike in the middle of his chest proved him otherwise. "I like charcoal the most, it's the easiest to work with," pausing to admire your work, your eyes glanced over at him, "do you draw?" He scoffed, "like a five year old." "Wanna try?" "No way. I'll ruin it. I'm okay with admiring it from afar." You hummed an unknown tune as you pulled back your sketchbook, "how is practice?" "Alright. Could be better. We won a practice match last week so we're kind of taking it easy." "That's good though isn't it?" Your gaze met his. His eyes were various gradients of warm maroon and you wished-- at this very moment -- to paint his features into memory. That was when you realized how close you were. You shuffled slightly back and didn't notice the frown Sunwoo threw you in response, "it is. And I'm happy we get to rest. The team deserves it." "You're pursuing it in College?" Your eyes tried not to linger too much over his lips, "volleyball, I mean." "Depends," he smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes, "if we make it to the Nationals." "You will." "Someone's confident," he chuckled. "Well I'm no pro but even I can tell you're talented, Sunwoo," you peeked at him from behind your fringe, glad that you could blame the cold for your red cheeks when just the intensity and closeness of his entity made you want to squirm, "so if there's anyone who can do it, it's you." It was impossible to keep eye contact after such a confession. You lowered your gaze, glad for your sketchbook that acted as a distraction. It was at that very moment that the paper tucked so neatly in your pocket slipped out, causing Sunwoo to quickly make a grab for it. You made a noise of protest before trying to snatch it back, but the boy only chuckled before unfolding the creased page so that there he was, depicted in all his glory. "Is that--" his voice was hoarse and you took this as your chance to steal it from his grasp, reddened cheeks burning and fingers shaking as you folded it back to its tiny square shape, "is that me?" "Y--yes." "You--you keep that with you?" "I--I do," you lifted your chin up defiantly, though you felt your limbs trembling. His eyes, they pierced your own, piecing together a coherence that caused your stomach to fill with butterflies. When he spoke next, his words were a mere murmur. "Why?" "I--I don't know," eyes darting towards the ground, you mumbled, "I just like watching you...play." A pause. Then, Sunwoo shifted a little bit closer. "You like watching me play? Or do you like," he cocked his head, "watching me?" If you were red before then you were probably the colour of a fire engine truck by now. Averting your eyes and turning your head away were instinctive responses due to the blood rushing through your face. "Stop flirting with me," came your mumble. Laughing softly in response, he scooted himself a little closer, so close that his shoulder brushed your back. He leaned over, head tilted to catch your expression. "Cute," his lips broke out in a crooked grin and you swore you felt your heart explode. Flustered, you shoved him away out of instinct but he wasn't having any of that. His hand grabbed your wrists and with a yelp, you were dragged even closer to his chest. "You like looking at me that much huh?" His tone was teasing while his eyes glimmered with playful mischief, "why is that,Y/N?" "You ask as if you don't know," you mumbled out through jumbled words and you were glad he actually understood you. But instead of laughing some more, his features softened into a smile instead as he proceeded to gaze down at you with an expression you couldn't quite place. It was in your normal behaviour to admire people. Not the other way around. And at this very moment, you felt way out of your comfort zone. "I don't know." Your orbs flew up to his in surprise and what you found in those coffee-coloured pupils made your breath stutter, heat coiling through your abdomen. "It...it calms me down," your whisper was barely louder than a breath but by the way Sunwoo's smile widens to reach his eyes, you could tell he heard you just fine. "I like watching you too," he replied. A strand of your hair caught in the wind and he raised his hand to curl it around the back of your ear, his touch ghosting with sparks wherever flesh bumped into flesh. You felt warm. He didn't pull away. Didn't bother hiding the slight dust of pink in his cheeks either, as he slowly allowed his palm to cradle the side of your face. Gently. As if he feared you might run away, recoil back. But you didn't. Even with your breaths going staccato, even if your heart felt like a wild animal. You calmed yourself down with the knowledge that he seemed just as nervous as you were and suddenly, out of a stroke of boldness, your hand went up to hold on to his, pressing it close to your cheek. His breath hitched. You shivered. The wind blew against your figures, a gentle reminder that the day was coming to an end. You weren't exactly sure what changed that day. There were no verbal agreements, nothing that suggested your relationship had changed. Yet, the subtle touches of his hand against your back, your shoulders, moving your hair from one shoulder to another, complemented by his gentle doe-eyed stare that made your toes curl, these changes were small, but significant. And you couldn't find it in your heart to say that you disliked it. What are we? The words lingered at the tip of your tongue, as bitter as the aftertaste of coffee as you stole small glances in his direction. You were sitting comfortably under a tree that overlooked the tennis court where Sunwoo had decided to join you. He'd fallen asleep halfway through your beginning sketch and was now leaning against the tree trunk, face relaxed and body leaned towards yours, close enough that you could admire his face. Countless hours you had spent tracing Sunwoo's features on paper. Countless times you had imagined tracing his lips with your thumb, wondered whether they were as soft as they looked. Maybe it was just curiosity or maybe you had let him walk into your heart so easily that you hadn't realized it yourself. But if there was one thing you could swear your heart upon it would be that you could no longer imagine every day without Sunwoo's presence at your side. As if on instinct, your fingers took a life of their own as they reached up to push a few strands away from his face. They gently carved a path down his cheek, landing at the corner of his jaw. Dangerously close to his open mouth. There was no denying it. Sunwoo was beautiful. Handsome. Had those features on par to that of a model's. You were so focused on edging your way to touch his lower lip that you didn't realize you had been staring, until you glanced up to see his brown orbs fixated on yours. You froze. Shit. "Like what you see?" He murmured. Then, before you could scramble back and probably run with your tail between your legs, his own hand grasped your own and he pushed himself off the trunk before his head angled towards yours, finding your lips. Soft. Sunwoo's lips were soft. You panicked. Not used to the closeness. The fire that sparked between your lids. But his other hand went to clasp your jaw, holding you close as he kissed your next protest away and unconsciously brushing his thumb against your cheek. Shivering in his touch, there was no running away from the way his mouth molded against yours so snugly, and you didn’t want to. You found yourself addicted to the sweet pressure of his upper lip meeting your lower ones and soon enough -- without realizing -- you melted into his touch.

Sunwoo made a noise that sounded like a soft grunt, his other hand lacing around your waist to pull you closer so that you tumbled halfway into his lap. With embarrassment suddenly flooding through you, you let out a squeak that he answered with a chuckle of his own before distracting you once more with a series of kisses that left you gasping.

Your hands, initially balled into fists in your lap, went to rest against his chest and you didn’t realize that you were gripping onto his school shirt until you parted for air. Only were you aware of your compromising position, of the hard ridges of the young man’s thighs, of the firmness of his chest against your palms, of the way he seemed to be so much bigger than you even though he was a lean athlete, meant to be light and as speedy as the wind.

Breaths coming out ragged, you tried to slow the beating of your heart. Though it seemed to be quite the challenge, given how lovingly, how intense, Sunwoo seemed to be in making love to your neck, nibbling on your pulse point and causing a soft whimper to fall from your lips.

A whistle blew in the distance.

The soccer team. They’d be crawling up the hill any minute now.

“Sunwoo,” you breathed out, eyes hazy with mixed feelings of desire and embarrassment. You feebly tried pushing against his chest, to no avail. He merely groaned, head tilting upwards to catch your mouth into another kiss.

“Sunwoo,” you groaned against his lips. But he held on for dear life, one hand clasping the back of your neck, tangled into your locks. The other around your waist, pressing you as close as he could possibly get you to be.

“Just one more,” he mumbled in-between kisses, hooded eyes fluttering closed and head slanting to kiss you a little deeper, a little harder.

Your body was on fire. You weren’t used to this intimacy, nor all of the affection he was raining down upon you.

But it felt good. It felt amazing. Eye-opening.

He finally relented after what seemed like an eternity and you quickly made a move to scramble out of his lap. Though he wasn’t having any of that, grip made of iron as he held on. You looked up to snap at him to let go before everyone saw but was faced with his pout instead, which was enough to bring down your defences.

“Please,” his pout deepened and your heart practically vaulted through your chest. Cute. Cute. Cute. Stop. Burying his face into your neck, he whispered, “I just wanna hold you.”

So he did. And thank god the team had decided to take a different route so that you would avoid their imploring, questioning gazes. Though Sunwoo admitted that he’d already known they would go up from the other side of the gymnasium, considering they did that every other week to train their stamina in the process.

That earned him a light smack on the side of his head, making him whine, “What did I do to deserve this Y/N?”

“You knew!” You wanted to throw him a glare, but it was impossible when you were busy fighting the grin spreading across your face.

He grinned back at you, that crooked smile that always resulted in a burst of butterflies roaring through your abdomen. Just like now.

“So, since you have a drawing of me that you keep staring at every day--” his words died into laughter when you tried smacking his arm, proceeding to cage your wrist with his hand before kissing your knuckles. You squirmed as he continued, “does that mean I can get a picture of you?”

You let out a noise of protest, “that depends,” you mumbled, unconsciously finding refuge in his neck.

Chuckling, Sunwoo grasped your chin lightly to pull you back so that his brown orbs gazed right into yours with a gentleness that had you weak at the knees, “on what?”

“On what I get in return.”

“What if I say I’ll take you on a date?” he said wickedly.

You couldn’t help your smile.

“I guess that could work.”

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ffeynn · 3 years

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Hihi! If possible, can I ask for some fluffy headcanons for Kazuha and Albedo with a very shy but sweet/angelic fem! s/o who has a tendency to downplay her amazing artistic abilities please? Thank u and please take care of yourself!!

「 shy, sweet!s/o who’s too humble with her abilities: kazuha and albedo 」

a/n: :(((( anonnnn sorry for taking so long to post, actually I've already finished this a long time ago but I didn't post it :((( idk where im going with this and take care of yourself too!

pairing: kaedahara kazuha, albedo x reader (seperates)

↬ when kazuha first saw your art, he was surprised by how much you underestimate it. he genuinely thought your art is a piece sent from the celestia, that and there’s a slight bias on the opinion. although you never seemed to favor showing your arts to the public.

☆ “dearest, must I say how beautiful your art is? because I think you’re having a different opinion than me.” he saw the way your ears reddened after hearing his compliment. you put your sketchbook over your face, only letting the eyes show, “you’re too nice kazuha, my art is nothing beautiful.” so you said.

he almost sighed when you downplayed your ability yet again, well as your lover, kazuha is more than pleased to assist you in gaining more confidence. he wouldn’t want to see his favorite artist feels bad about her own art as kazuha loves it.

↬ the poet loves to admire your art, he loves to watch you drawing, he loves to see you get shy when you noticed he was staring at you as you quickly hide your drawing. so by no means does he love watching you be proud of your own art with a bright smile on your face despite it rarely happening.

☆ you peeked from your sketchbook to see kazuha staring back at you, your eyes scurried from him to your sketch of him and back to him. “ah! it’s.. you look beautiful there so I thought.. I want to draw it, sorry.”

the light haired warrior stayed still at his spot and with a voice that seemed softer than ever to your ears, he said, “it’s alright, I rather would like to see how my love perceives me, you wouldn’t mind that right?” his words received your usual bright smile as a response. to smile that bright just because of his selfish request, you were too sweet for this world.

↬ kazuha appreciates that you’re letting him go through your sketchbook but how should he explain the way his heart beat flutters with each drawing of him. you who’s in front of him looks like she wants to cry from embarrassment the time you realized that there were many drawings of your lover in said book.

☆ “ah.. so this is how you see me.. I’m honoured.” kazuha let a smile up his face. did you cast magic in this drawing? if not then why can he feel your love from your drawing?

you were sitting beside him, enduring the embarrassment you feel every time he compliments your art. yet you can sense he was genuine about it and you are happy with it. “no, that’s just a drawing.. the way I see you is much more blinding than words or pencils can describe, because I love you.” after saying that, you immediately put your forehead on kazuha’s shoulder. looking at the pretty ground while your boyfriend chuckles.

↬ in knowing that you’ve such artistic abilities, albedo was proud of you. but that wasn’t the case for you. he wonders why you tend to downplay your art when in fact it’s one of the best in mondstadt. maybe in teyvat as a whole but the man has no way to know that with his piled up works. you’re his lover who he so much adores, akin to an angel some had said.

☆ albedo glanced at your drawing figure before shortly continuing his experiment with a smile barely visible on his face. you probably had noticed his mood shifting, that’s the reason you asked him if something good happened. “I was just looking at you.” the male said as he noted something in his experiment. whether you figure out what he was implying behind his words are up to you.

and judging from your gradually reddening face, you figured it out.

↬ sometimes when albedo has free times, you two will take a walk around mondstadt and if spotted a pretty scenery, you’ll stop by to rest there. maybe whip out a sketchbook and leave trails of the view on a paper with a pencil. view of the nature, of the creatures around it and also view of your lover.

☆ you tugged on albedo’s shirt, pointing at the tree nearby. it’s pretty big and able to act as a shade from the sun’s light. there were also flowers growing scattered. a nice place to rest and sketch without any disturb. albedo doesn’t seem to have any reason to deny which led them under said tree.

arriving there and going through your bag, you just realized you forgot to bring your sketching tools. a shame really. the alchemist decided that his next art should be you considering how long it has been since you both had the chance to leisure around like this. you who have nothing to do instead of playing with your boyfriend’s hair, excitedly did up a natural pose. albedo’s drawing is your favorite in the whole universe and every time you see yourself on someーmore than half actuallyーcanvas of his, you’ll always be immensely touched by that.

↬ you don’t really favor showing your art to others which explained why you usually draw somewhere closed off or where people rarely visit. or maybe you just draw in your room. albedo frequently catches you in an action of observing your current process. a coloured canvas in front of you, one hand holding the palette and one hand the brush.

☆ the alchemist also frequently catches you in an action of sleeping with your favorite pencil in hand and your sketch beside your sleeping face. possibility that you were waiting for him to come home until you fell asleep. albedo feels guilty for having you wait for him that long but he also wants to be selfish and relish the fact that you waited for him.

he slipped his arms under your back and knees, carefully lifting you up from the uncomfortable position you were in. once he put you on the bed, albedo took his time cleaning up the desk. the male turned to look at the drawing you were making just now. ah, this was during your second date, he recognized. did you draw this based on pure memory or what? nevertheless the answer, albedo will still find himself become amused of your arts. let it be then you tend to downplay your ability, he’ll just do his part to let you gain more confidence in your ability. his sweet lover deserved to do so.

#genshin x reader #genshin imagines #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #kaedehara kazuha x reader #albedo x reader #fey.invites

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suckerforcate · 3 years

Text

You are loved

Pairing: Cordelia Goode×Reader

Word Count: 5386

Warning: smut, a bit of insecurities but mostly fluffy

A/n: So this is more of a slowburn and I want to warn you, this is my first fanfiction of Cordelia ever and I'm not sure if I got her character right. It happens right after Fiona and Cordelia talking. (I quoted it) Also English isn't my first language. Also I am feeling kind of insecure about this cause I've never posted something from me. Feedback would be great!

Summary: Cordelia feels horrible because of Fiona, and your try to help her. In that process you become friends or maybe more?

You can't help me. You can't help anyone. You're worthless, hopeless. Get out of my sight.

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You were sitting on your bed reading a book as always when you heard somebody slamming a door. You fastly realised it was Cordelias, whos room was just next to yours. You didn't think to much about it, it could have just been the wind, and went on reading.

A little later you heard sobs from somewhere quite close to your room. You put your book aside and left your room to see if it was Cordelia. As you came closer to her room you could clearly identify them as hers. You really didn't want to annoy or bother her but you started you get really worried. This wasn't like her at all, slamming doors and crying alone in the bedroom. You gently knocked on her door, without an answer. "Miss Cordelia? Is everything alright?" Still no answer. "I come in now, ok?" As she still wasn't answering you slowly opened the door and looked through the little door gap. You were shocked and didn't know what to do for a second when you saw Cordelia sitting on the floor in the middle of the room sobbing and crying. You ran to her and pulled her into a hug, you didn't want her to feel uncomfortable because of this but it would have broken your heart to see her like this and do nothing.

The moment you pulled her in she held on tight to your shirt and didn't want to loosen her grip. Her sobs grew louder as you gently rubbed her hair. "Shhh...Everything is alright. I'm here, Miss Cordelia." You held her like this till her sobs started to fall silent. You pushed her a little away from you to see her face and wiped away some tears that were still falling down her beautiful cheeks. You felt a wave of anger coming up towards whoever hurt her and made her feel this way. "What happened? Who hurt you?" She wanted to look down but you gently pulled her face up with your thumb. You looked her directly in the red and teary eyes and all the pain, insecurities amd sorrow you saw there broke your heart. You wished you could keep her safe from the world and take all this pain away from her. "I-... she is right I am an absolute failure..." she sobbed again, her voice wasn't more than a whisper now, "I did nothing meaningful in my life I can't help anyone, I'm useless!", "Shhh, don't say that Delia, please! You're wonderful, you lead this school. You are like a mother to all of us and we need you, you help us everyday! Whoever told you this is an Idiot!" as you said that you realised you didn't know who told her these horrible things but you already had an idea. You couldn't think about it longer as Cordelia swung her arms around your neck and started to sob again.

"Come on, we'll take you to bed. You need some rest know." You helped her stand up and brought her to her bed. You pulled the covers over her and the same second you gave her a kiss on the forehead she fell asleep.

You slowly and quietly left her room, but the instance you closed her door you stormed down the stairs and rushed into the living room. You felt like a fire was burning inside of you. The moment you saw Fiona sitting on the couch with a cigarette in the hand like nothing happened you got even angrier. "How dare you tell Cordelia those things? How dare you tell her she is useless and doesn't help anyone? Everything was fine until you came back! You had no right to come here after all this time and insult her all day! And don't tell me that you are the Supreme, I don't care! You are her mother." "Come down (Y/n). Its not that big of a deal, ok? I Just told her the truth." You steped closer to her and slapped her across the face. "NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL?! She sat crying on her floor because she believes all those things you tell her! She is the most wonderful human I know and I won't tolerate this behaviour towards her. I don't care who you are!" you saw the corners of her mouth rising. She was laughing, really?! "I think Delia found herself a girlfriend? Didn't she?" "Careful what you say!" and with that you rushed out of the room again.

You stormed into your room again and laid down in your bed. How can Fiona say something like that to her own daughter?! That's horrible. I need to make her feel better somehow, she shouldn't believe those things! And with an idea how to help Cordelia on your mind you fell asleep.

The next day you woke up before everyone else, put on some clothes and went into the greenhouse. You wanted to put some roses onto Cordelias desk, so you grabbed some and made a nice little bouquet for her. But you weren't quit satisfied with the shade of yellow they had. You wanted to turn them into a different colour, the problem was just: you never managed to do that before. But you tried it, the colour you thought of was one that reminded you of Cordelia. She ones wore a nice blouse in a beautiful light shade of pink. You focused on the image of Cordelia in that blouse and closed your eyes. You remembered every detail of that blouse, that shade, Cordelia. As you opened your eyes, the roses had the exact colour of the blouse. For the first time you did it.

You grabbed the flowers and went to your room. Your wrote a little note saying:

I did it, just for you.

Love (Y/n)

You pushed the note between the flowers, put some water into a vase and quietly brought the flowers to Cordelias desk. After that you read a little bit in your book until it was time for breakfast.

After breakfast you saw Cordelia going to her office and the next time you saw her was in class an hour later. You sat at the table focused on the potion you should make when you felt someone standing behind you. "Thank you, Darling. I appreciated your help yesterday and the flowers very much." whispered Cordelia in your ear and walked away. For the rest of the class you couldn't stop smiling, the thought that she felt better made you happy. After class as you wanted to leave somebody grabbed your wrist. It was Cordelia. You turned around just to be pulled into a hug within the same second. You heard her mumble something into your ear: "Really! Thank you, you don't know what that means to me (Y/n). Even though I would appreciate it very much if you wouldn't tell anyone. You saw me at one of my weakest points, not everyone needs to know about that." You wiped away a single tear that fell down her cheek as you said: "Shhh, everything is alright. I didn't even think about telling somebody! This is our little secret. And please know that you can always come to me when something is on your mind, alright?" She slowly nodded and you hugged her again before you left for Myrtle's class.

After that you and Cordelia became friends, you spend much more time together and you often helped her in the greenhouse. You also always had an eye on Fiona. You wanted to make sure she wouldn't hurt Cordelia again.

On a nice Saturday evening, when Zoe, Madison and Queenie decided to go out and party a little bit, you had planed a nice movie night with Cordelia."Just put on some comfy clothes and come to my room. I will have everything prepared." you had snacks, something to drink and one of you favourite movies "Pride and Prejudice" picked out. She hadn't watched it yet so you found this as the perfect opportunity to change that. When Cordelia came to your room in the evening you were speechless. She was just wearing some joggers and a loosen shirt. Her hair was tied together into a low ponytail but she looked absolutely stunning. You always thought she was beautiful but now without make up in those comfortable clothes she just radiated pure beauty. So you choose to tell her so, you were still trying to convince her that what her mother says is bullshit.

"Is something wrong with my clothes? Why are you staring at me like that?" Cordelia suddenly looked very shy and insecure. You directly stepped forward to her beacuse this was absolutely not the reaction you wanted. You grabbed her hands and looked at her " No,no,no.. I was staring because you look so beautiful." She rolled her eyes and went to my bed. "What?" I turned around in disbelieve. "(Y/n) I look hideous, I don't even wear make up!" a single tear rolled down her cheek. I immediately went to her, sat down next to her and wiped the tear away. "Cordelia don't say that! You look beautiful with and without make up! You are beautiful from the inside and the outside. Please Delia believe me!" It broke your heart to see that she thought so bad about herself. You laid down on the bed and pulled her with you. "Come on let's watch the movie." You smiled and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, (Y/n). For everything!" You watched the movie together and soon you felt that Cordelia fell asleep in your arms. You let her sleep in your room, she looked too peaceful to wake her.

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It was Sunday and everyone was doing something by themselves, you were sitting on your bed and tried to draw something. You hadn't drawn something for ages. You slowly started to sketch the outlines of a face, then the eyes, the nose, the lips. When you were finished you looked at it and realised you drew her. Cordelia. You didn't plan to do so but it happened. As you looked at it something came to your mind so you searched a pen and wrote it under the sketch.

Oh, Delia,

my wonderful Cordelia.

I want to see you all the time,

I want to feel you day and night.

Oh, Delia,

my wonderful Cordelia.

As you heard footsteps coming closer to your room you put the paper into your diary and pulled the sheets over it. Zoe opened the door, "Dinner is ready, do you come?", "Sure!". You stood up and headed to dinner with Zoe.

After dinner you headed back to your room and sat down on you bed. You still thought about the drawing you did earlier. Why did you draw Cordelia? Of course she was yo friend she meant something to you, but... you didn't love her. Did you?

You laid down and started at the ceiling. Your thought drifted off to Cordelia. You closed your eyes and imagined her face. Her beautiful laugh, the way her eyes light up when somebody succeeded a new spell, her soft voice that always comforted you. Her soft hair, that always fell perfectly over her shoulders down to her breasts. Her beautiful skinny waist and her long and elegant legs. We'll maybe you were in love with her, but actually who wouldn't fall I love with her. She is an angel, shining like the moon, warming up your heart like the sun and calming like a cold night breeze. As you were still thinking about her you slowly fell asleep. Your dreams were haunted by her golden hair, her soft skin and her radiating, warming laugh.

The next day as you were entering the greenhouse for your Class with Cordelia, you winked at her and sat down on your seat. "Looking good today, Miss Cordelia." She wore the blouse you thought about while colouring the flowers. She was radiating warmth and beauty as always but especially when she was in the greenhouse she seemed even happier and more at ease with herself. That calmness and confidence she had with her than made her even more ravishing. It was hard to concentrate throughout the class, it always felt like you were looking right into the sun, you picked the wrong ingredients, used too much of the herbs and even accidentally threw the bowl down.

At the beginning Cordelia joked about it and always looked at you with an amused smile but as it got more and more she started to look quit worried. After class ended and you wanted to leave she pulled you back at the wrist. Deja vú. "What's wrong (Y/n)? You seemed so absent today. Is everything okay?" She gave you a comforting smile that seemed to say it's okay, you can tell me. But you couldn't tell her. She liked you, yes. But she didn't love you. Your friendship with her was too precious to endanger it like this. "Nothing, just tired. Everything's fine!" You gave her a fast, reassuring smile, turned around and left as fast as possible. With that you left a confused and worried Cordelia.

She knew you well enough by now to know that there was more behind this than just being tired. So after she had cleaned the greenhouse and did all her paperwork for the day she chose to talk to you again. Something was wrong and she was determined to find out what it was. So she went to your room an gently knocked. As she got no reaction she knocked again but there was still no reaction. She slowly opened the door and stepped in. She looked through the room but you weren't there. As she wanted to turn around and leave she saw a book laying on the floor. Because books shouldn't be on the floor, she picked it up and put it on your bed. As she did that she saw a paper looking our of the book, normally she wouldn't have cared but she saw her name Delia on it. She hoped it would be an answer to why you were acting so strange lately. She opened the book and pulled out the paper. At first she didn't even understand that you had drawn her but as she did and then read the little poem you wrote under it, her confusion just grew. She actually knew what it meant and deep down she already knew even before this but her self esteem was too low to believe anyone could love her. The one time she did believe that that was possible she married a witchhunter. Her mind started making her believe that what she thought about your feelings was something she imagined. So as she read the poem her mind pretended it had to be something different, something she didn't understand.

Oh, Delia,

my wonderful Cordelia.

I want to see you all the time,

I want to feel you day and night.

Oh, Delia,

my wonderful Cordelia.

She folded the paper neatly and left your room. The only other place were you could be was the greenhouse. You loved to read there because the only person who came there out of class was Cordelia. You didn't mind her presence at all so that was fine. But Madison used to talk all the time, Zoe wanted to know what you were reading and Queenie just wasn't your best friend. That wasn't an reading atmosphere. Cordelia knew that so she went straight to the greenhouse.

She entered the greenhouse and her eyes wandern through the rooms and corners between all the plants until her eyes met yours. You heard her coming in and already looked at her. "(Y/n) can we talk?" You started to get nervous, this phrase never meant something good. You slowly put your book aside and stood up. Cordelia had sat down at one of the tables that were normally used for classes. You pulled up a chair and sat down next to her. "What is it? Has something happened. Your scaring me, Delia!" you looked her right in the eye cause normally you could easily read her like that but today there was nothing. Like she wanted to hide it all away from you. It hurt because you thought she wanted to shut you out but as she heard that she scared you, something happened in her eyes. They softened for a second and showed empathy. "No, nothing happened. Don't worry!" She shyly smiled at you. But as fast as this empathy came it was away again. She didn't look angry or the way she does when you or the girls fucked up. It was just nothing.

This nothing probably scared you even more than her being angry.

"Please Cordelia, tell me what's wrong?!"

"I actually wanted to talk to you, because you were so strange in class today. I knew something was wrong but I wasn't sure what it was. So I went to your room to see if you were there. But you weren't. I knew you were in the greenhouse then. So I turned around to go. But I nearly stepped on a book on the floor. Books down belong on the floor (Y/n). I picked it up to put it on your bed and I.... I saw a piece of paper in it with my name on it. I, (Y/n), I didn't mean to look at it but I thought it would explain your strange behaviour...." your eyes widened as you realised that she saw the drawing and the little poem. Why did you leave it open in your room. It was just a matter of time that someone saw it. But of course it directly had to be Cordelia. She probably hates you now. You couldn't even look her in the eyes anymore.

"...so I pulled it out. (Y/n) I am really sorry you have to believe me I didn't respect your privacy. But as I looked at it I didn't understand anything. (Y/n) what does that mean?" She put her hand above mine and gently rubbed over it with her thumb. I felt the urge to pull my hand away cause I was so embarrassed and afraid what she would think but I didn't want to make it worse. I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

"(Y/n) what's wrong. Please talk to me, don't shut me out. It's all okay." she gently pulled my chin up with her hand and I finally looked into her eyes. All I saw was love and worry. No anger no coldness and no nothing anymore. This look of her gave me strength and before I could think about it I blurted it out. "I love you, Cordelia. I didn't mean to fall in love with you. It just happened. We spend so much time together and we got so close. I'm sorry." Cordelia said nothing, she just looked at you in shock. As she wanted to pull her hand away you grabbed it. "Please Cordelia say something!" You had no idea what was going on in her because her eyes just showed shock. Suddenly she stood up and left. She just left you alone sitting there.

There were a hundred thoughts in your head all asking questions to which you didn't have an answer. You knew you had to talk to Cordelia. She was your teachers and one of your best friends. You couldn't just not talk to each other. That didn't work. So you stood up an searched her. There weren't alot of places where she could be. You knew she probably wanted to be alone so the options were her office or her bedroom. You first went to her office. You didn't even bother to knock you just opened the door but Cordelia wasn't there. You left and went to her bedroom. You just wanted to open the door as you heard someone crying. It was a really quite crying but it was there. But I didn't come from Cordelias room. It came from yours. You quietly approached the door and opened it. You saw Cordelia sitting on your bed crying.

As you closed the door she looked up. "What are you doing here (Y/n)?" You smiled amused. "Well, I could ask you the same question. This is my room Delia. Your sitting on my bed." She opened her eyes widely and wanted to stand up. "I am so sorry. I must have mistaken our rooms. I will leave. Sorry!" You quickly stepped forward and grabbed her arms. "Stop, stop, stop. You will go nowhere. Neither am I angry nor do I want you to go because we have to talk. So sit down again, please." She shyly looked at you and sat down.

Her eyes were still red and puffy from the crying. Her cheeks still wet. You carefully dried them and sat down next to her. "Why did you just leave?" She didn't answer your question and just ignored it. "Why didn't you tell me (Y/n)?". You had to think about this question a little bit, but the truth was you were just scared. So so scared. "Look Delia, I...to be honest I was just scared. I was afraid of your reaction, of what you would think and that it could damage our friendship. This friendship means more than anything to me. Your my best friend." Your voice started to crack and some tears escaped your eyes. "And I think your reaction said more than words could have ever. But it's okay, really. As long as our friendship won't be damaged." You tried to smile but it more looked like you were being tortured.

"No, (Y/n). Don't say that, I... I think you got the wrong impression. I run away because I couldn't belive that you could love me. I mean look at me. I am like, what? 20? years older that you. Your still young and beautiful. How could you love me? Why don't you love Zoe or Madison?" More and more tears fell down her cheeks. As you felt a tear drop on your hand you realised that your were crying too. But not because of your feelings. No, you were crying because of the things Cordelia said about herself. It broke your heart that this person that you saw as the most amazing person in the world things so bad about herself.

"Oh, Delia. Please don't say those things. Listen to me okay? You are not just beautiful, your beauty is ethereal. You are perfect in any way and I never not for one second thought about the age gap. Okay? I don't care about you being 20 years older. You are the one I chose, the one I fell in love with. I want to spend my life with you. You make me feel so warm and so loved. More than I've ever did before. I am the happiest me ever. Because of you. Because of you I have a reason to stand up every morning. The thought of your warm smile and your honest laugh makes my heart light up. Where ever I am, the thought of you makes me feel at home. And I-...I just don't want to be away from you. I want to be with you all the time. Fall asleep in your arms. Wake up with my eyes on you. Walk through my day while you tell me stupid jokes. Want to listen to your voice every minute until we die. You make me complete, Delia. I love you!"

Without thinking about it you leaned forward and cupped her cheeks before you kissed her. Her lips were still wet from her tears so you layed all your love into this one kiss. You wanted Cordelia to feel what you just told her. Your right hand slowly wandered down to her hip to pull her closer to you.

Cordelia hesitated at first but than she laid her hand on your cheek and kissed you back. The kiss ended as you both pulled away and gasped for air.

Cordelia swung her arms around you and laid her head into the crook of your neck. You could feel some tears falling onto your shoulder. You could hear her whisper something into your ear so quietly you weren't even sure you were meant to hear it but she pulled back and repeated it louder and with more confidence. "I love you (Y/n). I always did. I just didn't think someone like you could love me." You kissed her again. It was a short kiss but it was full of love and adoration.

"Just because your mother and Hank made you believe your unloveable and not worthy of any kind of love or affection doesn't mean its true. Okay?" You gently stroked her hair as you said that. You hugged her around the waist and pulled her closer to you. She pulled you down with her so you were both laying on your bed arms in arms. You fell asleep in this position and you both slept better than ever before.

-------------

The next weeks were perfect, better than you could have ever imagined. The relationship with Cordelia filled you up with love and warmth. You wanted to make her feel your love and adoration every day, every second. You told her how beautiful she is every day and always tried to make her smile when she had a stressfull day. But there was still one thing that she was really insecure about. Her body, her naked body. She always changed clothes in a hurry, in the bathroom or she turned around. You couldn't understand why because you guessed she was absoultely stunning. But you also didn't want to push her so you accepted it.

It wasn't just that you felt sorry that she still felt ao insecure, even towards you but also that you wanted to make her feel good too. She had pleasured you a few times but everytime when you wanted to give back the favor she said it was okay, that she was tired or that she just wanted to cuddle. You couldn't imagine that she didn't want to feel this. She wanted it you knew it but she was too afraid. Eventhough there was no need for that.

One evening when she had searched an excuse again and you were both laying in bed just cuddling you decided that it was enough. By know you wanted ro pleasure her and let her scream your name more than you even wanted to be fucked. You gently pulled yourself out of the position you were both in and sat up. "(Y/n) what's wrong? Don't you want to cuddle?" She got insecure again and slowly tried to pull the sheets over her body. "I want to cuddle, Delia but.. and please listen to me don't interrupt me. I want to touch you, the way you want to be touched. I know that you want it, don't try to deny it. And I also know that you are really insecure about your body but we talked about this. I love you, I don't care what you look like. And I also think you are absolutely stunning. Please Delia, trust me. Sex is something where both are involved. Both should feel good. That's not the case at the moment."

"Of course I want it (Y/n). How couldn't I, but I am afraid of your reaction. No matter what you say, you can't deny that I am older than you. A lot." "Older doesn't mean less beautiful, Delia." You smiled at her reassuringly.

You slowly pulled down the sheets and looked at Cordelias body. She was just wearing a big oversized grey shirt. You put your hand on her tight and started to rub it while going higher. With that you also pulled up her shirt a little. Before you pulled the shirt over her hips completely you looked at her to make sure she was still fine with everything you were doing. She shyly nodded so you started pulling the shirt up again. She raised her arms and you pulled it off completely.

She had the urge to cover her body and you knew that. But you didn't want that so you gently held her arms at the sides and started to gently spread kisses on her body. Starting with her mouth, her neck, her shoulders, her tummy and then you slowly got closer to her breasts. With one hand you caressed her left breast and with the other you calmly started to draw her bra strap down. She raised her body so that you could grab around her body and open the bra. You pulled it off and threw it to the floor. You sat up a little bit and couldn't do anything else but stare at her.

"(Y/n), don't please. I told you, I..." You shut her off by kissing her. "I didn't stare because I thought you were ugly, it was quite the opposite actually. You are amazingly beautiful and attractive, Darling." You saw her eyes starting to tear up so you leant down again and kissed her, more passionate this time. And while doing that your hand started to knead her breasts and pinch her nipples. She quietly moaned into your mouth so your hand went down over her tummy to the waistband of her underwear. You again looked at her in question. The instance she nodded your hand slid into her panties.

"Oh, Darling. You're so wet already, why didn't we do this earlier?" You slowly started to part her folds and gently stroke over her center which made her moan again. That was your sign and you fastly pulled off her underwear completely. As your mouth wandered down her body again you put both your hands on her waist. You spread kisses on her inner tights and slowly approached her center. As you got closer she spread her legs. You took this as an invitation, so you slowly started to kiss her center which made her moan. Your tongue slowly stared to lick her clit while your left hand moved down to play with her entrance. Delia grabbed your hair and you could feel that she started to breath heavier. You started to slide into her with one finger and gently fuck her. At the same time your tongue got faster and you sucked hard with your mouth. "Oh (Y/n), please..." You looked up at her and smirked. " Use your words, Delia. What do you want?" Her breathing got heavier but she managed to get the words: " Please.. fuck me. Use two fingers.. oh" out. So you did what she wanted. You pulled another finger inside of her and thrusted them in and out fastly. You knew that she was close so you grabbed her breast with the other hand and pinched her nipples. That was too much, Cordelia came screaming your name and moaning loudly. But you didn't stop sucking and licking her pussy. You heard her moaning even louder, she was so sensitive right know. She bit her lip, because she didn't want to scream so loud. "Please Delia I want to hear you, moan and scream my name for me" so she did exactly that. "OH (Y/n), please let me come" you stopped your movements and looked up to her. "You come when I tell you to come Cordelia. Ok?" She nodded, taken aback by your outburst of top energy. You slowly started to play with her clit again and because she was so sensitive she directly screamed again. You saw that she tried really hard not to come and that view turned you on so much that you could feel your own wetness again. "Come for me baby!" And she did exactly that, she came screaming and panting. Her whole body trembled. "Please (Y/n) stop, I can't take this anymore. It's too much." So you slowly stopped and moved up to kiss her.

"I love you (Y/n)"

You pulled her into your arms. "I love you too"

#coven #sarah paulson x reader #sarah paulson #cordelia goode #cordelia foxx #Cordelia × Reader #Cordelia Goode × Reader #wlw #fiona goode

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iatethepomegranate · 3 years

Text

Just a post-Aeor fic where Caleb buys a house with Beau and Yasha in Rexxentrum, becomes a professor, and learns how to be a person and protect people from what he has endured.

Content warnings: Caleb's backstory (a lot of it)

Chapter summary: Caleb's mind was in overdrive. There were so many calls to make, so many spells to prepare, so many things that could go wrong at every stage of this delicate operation, so many plans and backup plans and backup plans for backup plans. He could not let the past repeat itself.

Chapter notes: Say hello to a major plot arc. Also, I did my best to figure out a vague layout of the relevant parts of Rexxentrum but I am bad with directions, so *finger guns*

Chapter title from Eight by Sleeping At Last.

****

Chapter 6: I’m just a kid who grew up scared enough to hold the door shut and bury my innocence

Caleb’s scars itched as he headed home from the Academy, mind buzzing uncomfortably. His hands were somehow steady as he messaged Beauregard.

“Beauregard. I had an unsettling conversation with Astrid and Wulf. Two Volstrucker students are missing. Felix and Nicolaus. Evocation wizards. May have self-orphan orders.” He realised belatedly that he had forgotten to ask Astrid for a description. Also, he hoped Beauregard never told anyone he had used the term self-orphan. He’d made himself a little queasy in his haste to keep to the word limit.

“I’ll make sure the Soul keeps an eye out. And I’ll get a description from Astrid in the morning. Get over here. Dinner’s ready.”

Beau and Yasha kept the conversation flowing over dinner, absolving Caleb of that social responsibility. He felt useless, sitting here while there were two boys out there somewhere, who were possibly in the process of deciding whether or not to kill their parents based on an implanted memory of treason. If they weren’t found in time, Caleb wasn’t sure he could ever forgive himself.

The two women hugged him goodnight after dinner, and he shook so hard he feared he would collapse. Yasha held onto him a little longer than she had probably planned, while Beauregard stepped back to take a look at him.

“Caleb.” She had that tone, the one what told him he looked like shit but she was trying not to freak him out. “Maybe you should take a spare room on this side tonight.”

“I’m all right, Beauregard.” He knew he sounded ridiculous. “Hear me out. Please.” Beauregard tilted her head in a silent challenge. “I need to think. I need to process this. I need to come up with plans for every possible outcome. And I may need to make some calls.”

“Do you want to talk it out?”

“I would like to be alone. Just for tonight. We will talk tomorrow.”

Beauregard looked for a moment like she was going to argue, and then she quite intentionally relaxed her shoulders. “Okay. You’ll tell us if you need anything, right?”

“Ja, of course.”

Yasha gave him one last squeeze. “We mean it. Anything.”

“I know. Danke.”

Caleb escaped to his bedroom. He forced himself to slow down a bit, take deep breaths, and get dressed for bed. He settled under the covers, slowly circling his palm over the quilt and feeling the different animal patterns. He’d already committed them to memory. But, on a night like this, it helped to know that what he thought was reality before was still reality now.

What a fucking mess. Before he could get too deep into his head, he messaged Caduceus.

“Hallo, Caduceus. Two of Trent’s students are missing. We suspect memories may have been modified. If we locate them, are you available to help us?”

There was a short pause; Caduceus was probably weighing his response, aware that he would not be able to track the wordcount once he began to speak. “Of course. Let me know when I’m needed. If you could spare a teleport, that would be great.”

Caleb cast the spell again. “I will give you a head’s up when I need you and then grab you from the Grove. Danke. Today has been… a lot.”

“Get some rest, Caleb. I left some sleepy tea in your kitchen if you need it. I’ll be here when you need me.”

That was one problem handled. Caleb burned through another Sending.

“Astrid, Caduceus is on call to correct any memory modification. Beauregard will be in touch with you tomorrow to get their descriptions.”

“Danke. I will ensure the Cobalt Soul is adequately informed. Now go to bed.”

Caleb let him feel her unspoken concern for him, just for a moment. Maybe one day they could be friends again. He curled up beneath the covers and closed his eyes. He would have to ensure he packed Counterspell and Sending every day. Perhaps Hold Person would also be useful. Control Flames would also not go amiss, just in case. And Expeditious Retreat or Fly would be useful in case time was of the essence at any point. Suggestion could be useful if they had the chance to talk. Running through spells he should prepare made him feel a bit better about how little control he had over this.

He was still losing his mind a little bit.

“Caleb,” came Essek’s voice, pumping air into Caleb's lungs. “Apologies. I meant to message earlier. I’m safe. Saved a child’s pet cat from a tree. He hugged me. Strange. How was your day?”

“Intense.” Caleb wasn’t sure how much to say, and he would definitely have to burn more spells to go into any detail. “Astrid promised to find a venue for the ex-Volstrucker support group. Two boys are unaccounted for. We are concerned. They are… almost graduates.”

Before Caleb could decide whether to say more, Essek Sent again. “Are you all right? Can I help with anything?”

“Not right now. We will… see how this pans out. They’re from Blumenthal, and I didn’t hear anything when I was there. May have time.” Caleb burnt another of his own spells before Essek did. “I have Caduceus on standby and Beauregard will talk to the Soul tomorrow. We may have a chance. I hope.”

“I will come in a heartbeat if you need me. Keep me updated. Get some rest if you can. Goodnight. You are in my thoughts.”

It helped, just a bit. Caleb still tossed and turned for a while, unable to turn his brain off. But things were… maybe they were manageable. He had half a mind to take himself to Blumenthal tomorrow, find out where the boys’ parents lived and get them somewhere safe. Or maybe he could… no, they would not handle a stranger showing up at their door in the dead of the night very well.

****

Astrid came to the house the following morning, with sketches for Beauregard to distribute to the Cobalt Soul. It was odd to sit on the couch with her. Like friends would.

“Eadwulf is in the city with the Volstrucker we could mobilise,” she said. “If either of them come to Rexxentrum, between us and the monks, we will find them. I spoke to my guard contact; the families are okay.”

“Have we considered evacuating them?” asked Caleb. The thought had kept him up for a long time last night. Maybe it was the best option.

There was a flicker of discomfort across Astrid’s face for the barest of seconds. “I don’t trust the Crownsguard to handle a delicate mission like that. It would be up to us. Or perhaps the Soul, but I’m already stretching our relationship with them.”

“Yudala Fon knows the stakes,” said Caleb. “If you are not comfortable visiting Blumenthal yourself…”

“Are you?”

“I have been once. I can bear it again to save half a dozen lives.”

They both knew it wasn’t just the parents whose lives were in danger. If Felix and Nicolaus followed through on this and were not stopped…

Well, Caleb had lost eleven years, and then another six running and running and running. Astrid and Wulf had lost their freedom as well. And Caleb could not even begin to comprehend the special kind of pain it would bring these boys if they murdered their parents only to discover Trent had been in prison for weeks, his crimes exposed, his orders no longer in effect. Caleb wasn’t sure he could have survived that.

Astrid must have understood what Caleb was feeling, because she spoke gently. “It is an option. We could also leave them in place under guard to draw the boys out.”

“I would rather not.” Caleb could already conjure a dozen scenarios in which that could go horribly wrong. “Astrid, we cannot fuck this up. You and I both know these boys could overpower a Crownsguard, or sneak past a security detail. No risks. We have to move the families.”

Astrid opened her mouth to respond, and then paused, eyes drifting upwards in concentration. “Thanks, Wulf. Do not engage. Herd him towards us if you can. We will be there shortly.” She focused back on Caleb. “Felix is in the city. Eadwulf is trailing him. They are approaching from the south.” She hopped to her feet, and helped Caleb up. “Shall we?”

As they raced out the door, Caleb messaged Beauregard. “Felix has been spotted. Approaching The Tangles from the south. Wulf is trailing. We are headed to intercept. Could use a hand.”

“I’m in the Court of Colours, southwest of your position. I’ll link up with Eadwulf. Will get the monks to surround. We got this.”

“Beauregard is southwest of us,” Caleb told Astrid. “She’ll try to find Wulf and have the monks form a perimeter.”

“We only have one shot with Felix,” Astrid muttered. “This could make or break everything. No fuckups?”

“No fuckups.”

They ran.

As they drew closer to the suspected middle point, Caleb shot a quick message to Wulf. “We are close to the midpoint. Turning invisible now.” He grabbed Astrid’s hand, hiding them both from view.

Wulf’s response was a whisper. “Slowing down. I think he knows I’m here, but hasn’t done anything yet.”

Caleb was grateful most seventeen-year-old wizards had not yet figured out teleportation. He and Astrid also slowed, still hand-in-hand.

“We try to talk to him before we do anything aggressive,” Astrid whispered. “Get us close.”

“Worst case scenario, Beauregard stuns him and Wulf carries him somewhere we can have a secure conversation. I can try casting Suggestion if necessary, before we do anything to freak him out.”

They turned a corner and Caleb spotted the boy in a crowd of people carrying baskets and cloths and the like, probably headed to market. Felix was slim and blonde, and looked like he hadn’t slept in a few days. His shoulders were tight. The pair stayed ahead of him. Caleb spotted the instant Felix started getting a little too nervous, his eyes darting backwards for the barest of moments, towards Eadwulf, buried even as he was in the crowd.

Caleb tugged Astrid’s hand towards an alley before letting go and stepping into it, hoping he had read this right. Felix also turned into the alley, putting his back to the wall of a nearby inn, raising a hand to prepare a spell. Caleb recognised the somatic components of Scorching Ray. He prepared to counter it.

As soon as Wulf emerged, Felix tried to release the spell, and Caleb counterspelled, losing his invisibility.

Felix shook out his hands, still focused on Wulf. “Why are you following me, Eadwulf?”

Wulf raised an eyebrow. “Did you consider asking that before trying to set me on fire?”

Felix’s eyes narrowed, and Caleb wondered if Trent had tried to drive a wedge between the Volstruck, and Astrid and Wulf.

Astrid dropped her invisibility, appearing next to Wulf. “Felix, what’s the matter? Are you well?”

Her emergence did not calm Felix in the slightest. “Am I--” He scoffed. “Are you kidding?”

“We have been looking for you for weeks,” she said. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I have a mission to complete.”

Caleb considered recasting his invisibility, but the spell required verbal and somatic components. He just had to hold still and hope Astrid and Wulf commanded Felix’s attention until Caleb figured out what to do.

“Felix, you have been gone from the city for a long time,” said Astrid, and Caleb slowly reached for his component pouch. “Things have changed. Your mission, whatever it is, may no longer be viable.”

“We need to take you back to the Candles,” said Wulf.

Caleb felt his snake’s tongue and a piece of honeycomb, and began to slowly extract them from his pouch.

Felix didn’t move. “Why?”

Astrid glanced at Wulf, before evidently deciding on a course of action. “Trent has been arrested. We are trying to gather the Volstrucker so we can explain the charges against him.”

“That makes no sense.”

“Felix, what did he ask you to do?”

“It’s confidential.”

Caleb had the materials in his hand, so he rubbed the honeycomb against his lip, and spoke. “Felix, we are here to help you, but we need you to help us. Could we please have an honest conversation with each other?”

There was a moment where Caleb feared Felix would resist the Suggestion spell, and that Beauregard would have to swoop in and stun him. Felix turned to him, head cocked.

“Okay,” he said slowly. “You are Bren, right? Trent talks about you a lot.” He glanced at Astrid and Wulf. “He seemed worried the three of you were scheming behind his back.”

“Let’s head to his old office, ja? We have a lot to talk about. We will answer your questions, if you answer ours.”

“All right. Lead on.”

Caleb could not fucking believe that had worked. Judging from Astrid and Eadwulf’s brief but clearly shocked glances in his direction, they couldn’t believe it either.

****

Caleb couldn’t risk sending a message to Beauregard explaining what had happened, but she seemed to get the sense she shouldn’t reveal herself. Caleb led Felix through the city to the Academy, and up to Astrid’s office. They sat him in front of the fireplace.

Caleb crouched in front of him while Astrid stood by the fire, and Wulf leaned by the door. “Thank you for cooperating, Felix. Give me one moment. I need to message a friend who is going to help us.” He cast Sending. “Caduceus. We will need you in a moment.”

“I’m ready when you are.”

“I’ll go,” said Eadwulf. “Be right back.” With a muttered incantation, he had vanished.

“Where is he going?” asked Felix.

“To fetch a cleric friend of mine,” Caleb replied. “You look tired. Are you well?”

“Had a lot on my mind, I guess. Sleeping has been difficult.”

“I know the feeling.” Caleb looked to Astrid. “We should explain the situation, ja?”

“Why was Trent arrested?” asked Felix.

“A number of Volstrucker spoke with the Cobalt Soul about his training methods,” Astrid replied. “They documented it and took him to court. He’s in prison for life.”

Felix frowned. “I’m confused.”

Caleb should have expected Felix probably wouldn’t understand Trent’s behaviour as abuse; Caleb hadn’t either. “Felix, I would like you to listen to me.” He rolled up his sleeves so Felix could see the scars, which he was certain Felix shared. “A good teacher does not force his students to endure what we have.”

“We will face worse every day in our work,” Felix replied. “The pain… it makes us stronger.”

“And the residuum experiments? With no pain mitigation? I know people who have passed out in the process. Has that happened to you?”

“Once or twice,” Felix muttered, evidently still under the effects of the spell. “Puked more often.”

“Me too,” said Caleb, resisting the urge to scratch his itching scars. “It made me very ill most of the time. Astrid and Eadwulf had to force me to eat.”

“Why are you telling me this? Why are you asking me these questions?”

Astrid was gazing into the flames. “Felix, how old were you when Trent first hurt you?”

“Sixteen.”

Astrid managed to look at Caleb, just for a moment. “The same for him.” Astrid was a year older so it made sense to invoke Caleb instead, and maybe it was easier for her to project these things onto him.

Wulf popped back into the office, with the very welcome form of Caduceus beside him. Felix jumped, but Caleb had told him what was happening, and that seemed to be enough to stop him from bolting.

“Hallo, Caduceus,” said Caleb. “Can you give us just one more moment?” He turned back to Felix. “I’m going to have my friend Caduceus take a look at you and make sure you are well, but I would like to ask you a question first.”

“Fine.”

“What has Trent ordered you to do?”

Felix dropped his gaze to his lap. “My mother and father are plotting to betray the Empire. I have been asked to stop them.”

“That must have been weeks ago,” said Caleb. “What’s the matter?”

Felix scowled, and tried several times to supply an answer, as he was required to be honest while under the effects of Caleb’s specifically-worded spell. “I don’t know. They are not the people I thought they were. They are traitors. But. It’s not… I don’t know what to do. I’ve been waiting for Trent to give me more information, but I haven’t heard anything. I guess I was trying to figure out if there was a way I could convince them to…” He shook his head. “No. There is no mercy for traitors to the Empire.”

“I am sorry to hear that,” said Caleb. “It must be very difficult. May Caduceus take a look at you? You have clearly been under a great deal of stress.”

Felix had probably never seen a firbolg before, and he eyed Caduceus with trepidation. “What is he going to do?”

“It’s all right,” said Astrid. “He is a healer. The three of us have spent time in his family’s garden.”

“I… suppose…”

Caduceus approached slowly. “This will be quick, I promise. Just a healing spell to make you feel a bit better.” He already had the diamond dust for Greater Restoration in his palm. He touched Felix’s shoulder. It took a second for the spell to sink in, during which Caleb couldn’t breathe.

Then Felix slid to the floor, head in his hands. Astrid knelt beside him, whispering too quietly for Caleb to hear.

“One down,” Caduceus said softly, smiling at Caleb. “One to go.”

Caleb couldn’t speak. He watched Felix curl up on the floor, muttering to Astrid. She looked up at him, beckoned him over. Caleb knelt by her side.

“I don’t understand,” Felix said. “Why? Why? I don’t…” He shoved his fist against his mouth and screamed into it, eyes squeezed shut. “Why would he do this?”

There were a lot of things Caleb could say; he was not convinced any of them were right. But he had to say something. “He’s done this to all of us. Every Volstrucker went through this to graduate.”

“He does it for a few reasons,” Astrid said, quiet but somewhat detached. “It eliminates any family connections, leaving us reliant on Trent. And then, we’ve done the worst thing we thought we could do. Anything Trent has us do after that means very little. And those who break…” She looked at Caleb. “They are held up as an example of failure that we are measured against. We all know Bren’s name for a reason. First, as an example of failure, of weakness. Later, an example of endurance, of admirable but problematic stubbornness. A cautionary tale nonetheless.”

Felix looked to Caleb as well. “What the fuck am I supposed to do with this information?”

Caleb wanted to comfort him, but didn’t know what Felix would tolerate, and there was a pressing matter. “First things first, we need to find Nicolaus.”

Felix drew his knees up to his chest and hid his face against them. “I don’t know where he is. We argued and then we went our separate ways.”

“What did you argue about?”

“I wanted to come here and find Trent. Ask about the order. See if there was anything we could… I don’t know.”

“And what did he want?”

“Nico doesn’t know what he wants. He was always more scared of Trent than I am.”

“Okay, we have ways to track him down. Caduceus, can you scry today?”

“I can,” Caduceus said slowly. “Might I also recommend, if Mr Felix knows the spell, that he should try Sending to him.”

“I don’t know that spell,” Felix said thickly. Caleb would just make out the side of his face, to see it was screwed up as if in pain.

“I can teach you,” said Caleb, “but I suspect it will take more time than we have right now.” Sending was an Evocation spell, so it would probably only take Felix three hours instead of six to copy it into his spellbook and practice it until he could do it, but that was still too long.

Caduceus sat cross-legged on the floor. “Do you have anything of his? Or a likeness?”

Wulf handed him a sketch. “Does this help?”

“Yes. Thank you.” Caduceus closed his eyes and began the ritual.

“I can try messaging Nico,” Astrid said, gripping her copper wire. “Nicolaus. It’s Astrid. I must meet with you in Trent’s office. It’s an urgent matter.” She waited, scowled. “Nothing.”

Caleb refused to panic, no matter how bad that sounded. “Okay. Good to know.”

Felix lifted his head. “What if we’re too late?”

“We don’t know that yet,” said Caleb. “Whatever happens, we will deal with it.”

Felix frowned at the floor. “What happens to me now?”

“We can take you home to your parents once we’ve got an idea of Nico’s situation,” said Caleb. “Unless you need more time.”

“Just a bit. I think. But I’d like to see them. Not today.”

“There is plenty of dormitory space for however long you need,” said Astrid. “Bren will visit you regularly once you are with your parents, to check in.” Felix nodded. That had not been discussed, but it was something that Caleb would want to do, so he let it slide.

The ten minutes it took for Caduceus to complete the spell were some of the longest of Caleb’s life. But then Caduceus’s eyes went white, and it seemed to be working.

Caduceus began to narrate what I saw. “I see your boy. He’s in a field. The clouds are pretty dark. It’s hard to see much. I think I see some buildings ahead of him. I’ll follow him for a bit.”

There was a sick feeling in the pit of Caleb’s stomach. “We should be ready, just in case.”

Astrid’s fingers weaved around the wire. “Expositor, are you close by? We may need your assistance. Come to my office on the--ugh, just ask for directions.” She listened. “Expositor Lionett is outside the Academy. She will be here soon.”

Caduceus spoke again. “He is approaching the village. Not many people in the streets. Probably the incoming storm. He looks like he has a goal.”

“What can you see of the buildings?” asked Caleb. “Any signs?”

“The signs are Zemnian,” said Caduceus. “The buildings look like farmhouses, mostly. I think I saw an orchard.”

“Blumenthal is a farming town,” Caleb muttered. “Fuck.”

Beauregard burst through the door, gasping for breath. “I’m here!” She doubled over, hands on her knees, as she sucked in air.

“Get ready to move,” said Wulf, stony-faced. “It looks bad.”

“Shit.” She gulped in another breath. “Okay.”

Caleb felt a little better now that she was here, but he was wound too tight to process it. “Caduceus. Is there anything else?”

“He’s picking up speed. Turned a corner. Looking at a house in the distance, I think.”

Caleb did not let himself feel anything. He turned to Felix. “Felix, do you know where Nico’s parents live?”

“On the northeastern edge of town.” Felix’s voice was as tense as Caleb. “Look for the cabbages.”

“Danke.” He squeezed Felix’s shoulder and pushed himself to his feet. “We need to go.”

Caduceus was still in the vision. “Go on ahead. I’ll stay here with Felix. If I see anything I think is useful, I will Send. But it will break the scry.”

Caleb gathered Astrid, Wulf and Beauregard around him and cast teleport, aiming for the northeastern end of Blumenthal. He knew it well, once.