#I did find the fantasy quest they’re on a bit boring

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Perception Check

NA portal fantasy about a young woman whose friend was abducted by demons in front of her when they were kids - and now as an adult she’s convinced her friend is in the Mages tabletop RPG lorebook, as if she was transported into that world

when demons and the Mages world appear in front of her, she and her friends track down the creator of the game and start a quest in the fantasy world to get her friend back

mental health & trauma, queer cast, start of a series

[drtrashgames]

Instead of trying to promote a board game I made, I wanna do something fun and explain the process of play-testing and designing my game!

The Initial Concept

I like D&D as a concept. I love the idea of exploring dungeons, collecting treasure, and being a hero in a fantasy setting. But I have severe ADHD, I’m terrible at math, and don’t have many friends I can reliably play D&D with.

So the initial idea I had was to make a single player board game, that has customizable pieces, randomly generated dungeons, and a simplified attack system. I’d also like to publish this through The Game Crafter so I need to find ways to try and keep the cost down and keep it relatively small.

The First Prototype

The first step was to make the randomly generated dungeon tiles. This was going to be the primary way you’d interact with the rest of the game, and it’s most exciting feature in my opinion. I settled on puzzle pieces because they’re small but would still connect together in satisfying ways.

But this left me with the first of many problems. How do you move through the dungeon? You can’t roll a dice, because you’d quickly either run out of room or spend a lot of time wasted backtracking. We’ll come back to this later. For now I just needed something that fit together.

I came up with the idea of having some dungeon tiles contain treasure chests on them, and some with skulls. Treasure would mean you’d get loot, and skulls would mean you’d fight monsters. This way as you traverse the randomly generated dungeons you would have randomly generated encounters too.

When attacking enemies I wanted the system to be simple. A sort of Hero’s Quest style of attack where rolling dice and reading their outcomes would be how you’d determine how powerful your attack or damage would be. At this stage I settled on 3 wooden dice with skulls on some sides. To keep track of the enemy’s health I settled on using small 8mm cubes that you could move down the card as they took damage.

Probably the most ambitious thing I wanted to make was a modular character tracker. The goal of which would be that you can swap out the health, attack, and player character as you grow and gain experience. This would provide you with more attack power, more health, etc.

I settled on 4 interchangeable characters with the vague idea that down the road I would like them to have special powers, making each one unique and helping the player pick a character that fit their play style.

To round things out I added some domino mats to keep the layout of all the gameplay elements in check, and some play money to keep track of treasure.

The First Playthrough

The first impressions I had was that I was on the right track. The puzzle pieces worked beautifully. Likewise encountering enemies and treasure was easy too. The game mats were a bit cumbersome, but I loved the tactile feel of moving the HP down when attacked, and swapping out modular parts as you leveled up your character.

However, one of the immediately apparent issues was movement. How do you move through this randomly generated dungeon? You can’t do it through dice rolls, and if you just move by yourself on your turn it makes backtracking boring. Once a dungeon was explored there was no danger anymore, and it was trivially easy to escape if you were in a pinch.

Additionally the domino mats I added were helpful… but cumbersome. I included an XP tracker, but the problem was that keeping track of your XP level required a LOT of space. If you only level up at level 20 or 40, you need 20-40 empty squares in between to keep you place as you gain XP. That meant an entire domino mat was dedicated entirely to tracking the XP, and it looked like a spreadsheet.

Simplifying Solutions

Ideally you’d want a way to keep track of your movement, but I did not have much space on my character tracker to do that. One of the play testers I had try my game suggested I keep track of movement with a D6. You would rotate the dice as you moved and gradually spent movement points down.

This was an AMAZINGLY helpful solution! Now movement was restricted, you couldn’t just exit a dungeon whenever you wanted, it offered gameplay challenges and potential to upgrade your movement slots as you leveled up!

This one change suddenly opened up the game and created a risk/reward system that made finding treasure and leveling up through defeating enemies super important!

To solve the XP tracking I reduced the giant domino mat of 100 boxes into a simple abacus. Two rows. Top row are 1’s, bottom row 10’s. Now you could track your progress from 0-99 XP while freeing up the mat to include other information instead.

Then there was the problem with rolling attacks. With the 3 dice setup, it was easy to get stuck in a loop of constantly rolling blank sides (missed attacks) for both player and enemies alike. While browsing around the Game Crafter website I stumbled across a dice that has 3 outcomes. 0, 1, 2. It’s called a betrayal dice and it was just what I needed!

With this one dice I could now make the attacks scale depending on the outcome! If you rolled a 0 as a level 1 character you’d miss, but if you rolled a 0 as a level 6 character you’d do 2 damage! All I needed was a chart that showed what the outcomes were and this could be a part of the character tracker that you’d swap out as you leveled up!

The Second Playthrough!

After another round of play testing I was finding myself enjoying playing the game quite a bit. It had a nice feedback loop that appealed to my ADHD brain. But there were still a few little things that were bugging me.

For starters, rotating the D6 every time you moved was cumbersome and annoying, especially since the numbers on the sides weren’t placed in intuitive ways. I found myself struggling to find the right number to move down from, and after doing that 100 times over through multiple sessions it was getting tedious.

The obvious solution was to have a tracker you could put a 8mm cube in like I had with HP. It would reduce the stress and allow for the movement to upgrade along with XP. The problem was space. With all of these laser cut component I was running out of room to fit everything. The Game Crafter charges by the sheet, and I only had one sheet of chipboard to fit everything on.

The other issue was I kept encountering situations where nothing would happen for long stretches of exploration. There were blank dungeon tiles mixed in between the treasure and enemies, and that resulted in some quests having no treasure OR enemies and quickly running out of your movement points before you could find anything. This was especially noticeable during the early portion of the game.

Enemies too could just be straight up brutal. Randomizing the deck kept things interesting, but it could be extremely easy to get wiped out by a high level enemy when you were low level. If you didn’t have the foresight to stock up on powerful weapons and health potions at the shop before hand, you could be in for a rough time.

And finally I had no real reason to swap out the characters. I had initially included 4 different player avatars you could pick from, with the idea that each had a special power to help you out. But I was finding that I often forgot I had powers at all and would frequently venture through quests never even using them.

I was having fun with the game, but it was becoming increasingly clear that I needed to tweak things again to fix these problems.

Choices!

While doing some research into game design I came across a post that talked about the importance of player choice. The theory was that at no point should a player be doing nothing on their turn. Randomization is fun and all, but the player should still always be making a choice of some kind to keep them engaged.

With that in mind I went back to work retooling my game with an emphasis on choice.

For movement I got rid of empty tiles except for T-section dungeon tiles. Now whenever you encountered a blank T-Tile, you would draw 2 additional dungeon tiles, place them on either side of the T-section, and then you’d have a choice of which direction you wanted to go and engage with.

This worked wonderfully! If you were on a quest to collect treasure, now the player would have a choice to chose the treasure option instead of an enemy, and vice versa! This also greatly reduced the number of tiles on the chipboard that needed to be cut, freeing up more room for other pieces.

With that extra space no, I decided to commit to the modular movement tracker instead of using a D6 to track how many movement points you had left. Now just like your HP, you’d keep track with a small 8mm cube that you’d move (far less cumbersome) and the modular nature meant that it could be upgraded easily as you earned XP!

This focus on choice extended into the treasure too. I began adding locked treasure cards that you’d need to open. You could roll a dice and depending on the outcome you’d either open it or fail to open it. OR the player could spend one movement point for a guaranteed open! This introduced a risk/reward choice for the player. If money was tight they could spend precious movement points to unlock it, or they could take a gamble and roll the dice in the hopes that they’ll be lucky!

I had introduced a shop that sold items, but now I added an on sale item. If you could complete a quest successfully not only would you get a little bonus money, but one item at the shop would go on sale for 1/2 off! This offered incentive to complete quests and not just run away when things got hard.

Kill your darlings!

There was one last issue I had to contend with. The special attacks. They were still useless. Up until this point I had had 4 interchangeable characters each with their own special attack. One regained HP, one did an extra point of attack damage, one regained your movement points, and one was able to unlock locked treasures.

For some reason these 4 options felt lopsided. I wasn’t sure why until I re-examined the specials and their function. I realized that my character tracker had 3 main areas that upgraded as you earned XP. Your HP, Attack, and Movement. But I had 4 characters you could swap out, which meant I needed one extra special that didn’t easily conform to what the tracker tracked.

And this is when I made a tough decision. I cut out one of the 4 heroes. Suddenly everything fell into place. Your sword wielder would do one extra damage, your wizard would regain HP, and your rogue could refill your movement. 3 characters, 3 powers, 3 modules that upgraded as you became stronger.

It was sad to see one of the heroes go, especially since art for them had already been made. But unfortunately cutting them was the right decision. And the additional space allowed me to fit in more movement modules.

Final Touches!

I was still struggling with specials though. I needed a way to keep the player aware of them. I needed… to track them.

This was a scary realization so late into development. I had little room on the chipboard to create more modular pieces, but I needed something to ensure players would remember they had specials at all.

That’s when I had the idea to tie specials to the enemies you collected in dungeons. I could very easily add a little dot on an enemy card that would indicate how many special points you’d gain from them if you traded them in for a special cube you could put on your tracker.

Now again there was a player choice. To get a Special Point you now has to weigh your situation and decide if it was worth giving up potential XP in order to use your specials. And when some of those specials include refilling your HP or movement points, that could become a crucial decision to make if you’re in a tight spot!

The final thing I did was make enemies color coded and have 2 different attacks depending on what level your XP was at. Low level enemies are green, mid level enemies are orange, and high level enemies are red. And since there were 6 times you’d level up during the course of a full game, that meant enemies scaled up as you scaled up. I even wrote a rule to shuffle in the high level enemies as you progressed so you weren’t always encountering dangerous enemies when you were still too low to defend yourself.

Treasure by Torchlight!

Since so much of the movement in the game revolves around movement points being spent, I decided to call these points Torch Points and focus the game around the concept of going into dungeons and fighting monsters while trying to keep your torch lit. Once it goes out you can still move, but monsters attack more frequently and so there’s always incentive to keep your torch light lit!

You now got to pick your character, use their specials to your advantage, explore random dungeons, fight monsters, collect XP and loot which could be converted into special attacks, and buy items from a shop that rewarded you for successful quests!

I made an entire D&D style single player game that requires no math, has lots of replay-ability, and is relatively compact! There’s enough randomness in the cards and tiles to keep things interesting and different every time, while also providing the player with lots of ways to make decisions and have an active choice in their gameplay experience.

I think ultimately I was successful in my mission, and I am very happy with the results! It tickles the ADHD parts of my brain that loves exploring maps and planning for my next adventure without being overwhelming.

If you’ve made it this far then THANK YOU for listening! I hope you found this exploration of gameplay design interesting and if you’re curious about checking out the game it can be found here:

https://www.thegamecrafter.com/games/treasure-by-torchlight

[tainbocuailnge]

fgo criticisms have been flaring up in the wake of dw’s sakura wars mobile game quitting after only half a year but I have a disease that makes me get defensive when people try to rip fgo apart as this uniquely terrible game with uniquely terrible devs so i’m going to complain about people who are complaining for a bit.

i hadn’t heard of the sakura wars game before it shut down but from what i’ve been able to find it suffered from a lot of the same problems as (launch) fgo, terrible gacha rates with no pity, slow ap recovery rates, barebones repetitive gameplay. so i guess seeing how fast sakura wars was shut down people feel like it’s only the fate name holding up fgo and in the early launch days of barely playable fgo that was definitely the case but I don’t think it’s fair to fgo to act like people only continue to play it because it’s fate, and “being like fgo” wasn’t the only problem with sakura wars either. sakura wars is a vn/dating sim series that attempted to revive the series with a mobile game that featured none of the original cast that fans cared about while fate was already a series with new characters and a new setting every instalment and the thing that stood out in this new game was actually that it DID have characters from previous fates available. hell, it’s not fair to sakura wars to claim that its series name is simply weaker than fate’s when there were other factors involved in its failure beyond “being a delightworks game”

fgo DOES improve, launch fgo is unrecognisable compared to current fgo in a good way. events have become more streamlined (events have mid- to lategame enemy hp scaling but feature damage ce’s to let newer players keep up, mission events are set up so that they basically clear themselves just by farming the most recently unlocked node), they experiment with new game modes and gameplay mechanics on the regular, they’re taking more care to make viable permanent servants and buff the older ones, and the past few months there’s also been a noticeable effort to throw out random banners for minor things as an excuse to rerun old limited servants more often. I’ll admit the bar is on the low side (strengthening quests are a ridiculous model, there shouldn’t be this many limiteds to need reruns in the first place, etc) and progress is slower than many people are willing to put up with, and I’m not saying anyone Has to put up with it or they’re a fake fan or whatever, but like, granblue fantasy is seven years old and still doesn’t have the ability to uncap a weapon multiple stages at a time when its entire gameplay loop centers around farming and uncapping weapons and they’ve buffed heles like 7 times but she’s still shit, none of fgo’s problems are exclusive to fgo.

i LIKE playing fgo. i like tapping the cards and watching my little guys go and coming up with different teams to make them go harder or just look good together or even lean into the Themes. and this is going a little bit on a tangent but i have this post window open anyway i was talking with friends earlier that one problem that a lot of mobile games seem to have is that they use “making the game play itself” as substitute for “making the game fun to play”. the only game with autobattle functionality (out of the ones I play, i don’t know everything that’s out there of course) that I feel DOESN’T do this is arknights, where you solve the puzzle that the stage presents in order to earn the right to not have to solve the puzzle every single time you play the stage and coming up with different efficient or perhaps ridiculous ways to solve the puzzle is part of playing the game. the worst case I know is dragalia lost which upon realizing that playing it sucks implemented an item to just let you skip playing stages altogether. “this game is good because you don’t have to play it” is not the selling point some people (and devs) think it is, and fgo refuses to fall into that trap - something I believe is an intentional decision because of their explicit refusal to implement NP skip.

one big advantage that fgo has over the other mobile games i’ve played is that it’s entirely turn based with no real time elements beyond start and end times of events. fgo doesn’t NEED to continue playing itself when you look away because looking away has no bearing whatsoever on your ability to clear the quest, fgo doesn’t give a shit if you look away for six hours and then close the game and only reopen it another ten hours later, you can continue right where you left off. the problem is not that you have to manually play the quest, because as far as the system is concerned you can take as much time as you like to clear that quest, it’s that the greater structure of the game wants you to repeatedly manually clear the same low-stakes quest for disproportionately small rewards. this one’s easy enough to solve by just increasing material droprates across the board. repeat clearing a low level quest is much less frustrating if you actually get drops every other clear.

but that’s a bandaid solution, because related to the issue of having to manually farm low-stakes quests is the lack of high-stakes quests to do when you want to do something a little more engaging than routine farming. outside of event challenge quests with their time limited availability, certain main story chapters that you can’t replay, and recently on JP the permanently available kiara challenge quest in the main interlude, there simply isn’t any difficult content to play. you could argue about fgo’s merit as strategy rpg in the first place i suppose but if you ask me it does have that merit and there is a clear effort from dw’s part to improve the depth of fgo’s strategy elements, the issue is that there is simply not that much content available to unleash those strategies on. of course you’re gonna get bored if all there is to do is either brainlessly repeat the same quest for minimal rewards or play the specific challenge quest that the game hands you right this moment regardless of whether that’s the kind of challenge you feel like facing right now. the solution to this one, although it’s likely going to take some significant effort on dw’s side to implement, is to make main story quests replayable.

you want to flex your brain muscles but there’s no challenge event right now? you stomped on a boss by using overpowered servants the first time but want to challenge yourself with some 3* this time? or the other way around, you beat a boss by the skin of your teeth the first time but want to stomp all over them now that you rolled some bitching 5*? you rolled a servant that’s not that suitable for day to day farming but would really shine in more difficult content and you want to try them out? you have a silly strategy in mind that would only work against certain story enemies? you’re like me and just really crave the shimosa duels? all of this involves content that already exists and is available in the game, dw would just have to figure out a way to let you access it again after clearing the chapter. and of course ideally this extends to event story quests once they’re added to the main interlude

i guess another way to put it is that i think the reason a lot of people say fgo has bad gameplay is not that its gameplay system is actually bad, in fact it has the potential to be very engaging, but rather that it’s a system that is set up to respect your time through the ability to put down the game absolutely whenever you want without being penalised, only for the game around it to go and penalise you for putting it down anyway. if you don’t diligently spend all your ap farming this quest you won’t get single damn material drop, and if you don’t play the event while it‘s happening you’re going to miss out because you can’t be sure when if ever it’ll return. so the number one way to solve the problem of fgo’s “bad gameplay” is not to make the game play itself whenever it tells you to play, but rather to make content more easily available so you don’t have to play if you don’t want to and CAN play if you do want to. thank you for coming to my ted talk i suppose

[prof-peach]

If you could cross over two of your favorite games, which would you choose? Please explain, why that crossover would be a good match.

Oh you’re going to regret asking this one, I’m bout to GET SERIOUS.

So Pokemon, obvs, I love the whole world it’s built in, but the games imo are REALLY boring, I haven’t enjoyed one a lot since gale of darkness, the main ones just are a little too linear obvious plots, pretty standard setups for story and style. Speaking of style, the games lack personality, the models aren’t animated well, moves have no dynamic energy or visual difference at times, and the turn based battle style just feels kind of, I don’t know, old? Slow? Just doesn’t suit what I enjoy personally, gives me a FInal Fantasy vibe and I just cannot stand the speed at which things happen in those games, plus not into 3rd person ‘let’s build a team of people’ much, but that’s a problem for another time. With this all in mind, the game I wish would happen is like gen20 Pokemon, far future sadly, I doubt I’d see it in my lifetime but god I’d be happy if I did!

Ok so take the newest Zelda graphics, the visual treat that was BOTW, open world, puzzles, not JUST combat, you got side missions, hunt the chickens, find missing pets, parcels, items, whatever. Love it! The horse taming?! Amazing you funky little game. Now take the bad guys and beasts from that. And put Pokemon in instead. Give them the diversity, the life and believable natures that BOTW gave the animals, I followed a frog in BOTW for 15 minutes, and it was a great experience, it felt like it was believable. Above world spawning, ACTUAL difficult gameplay, rare spawn rates, make dragons hard to get again, cmon, it’s too easy now, make it so we need a certain set of Pokemon for certain tasks. Water types big enough to carry you will be able to get you to new areas, rock types that can help you climb mountains faster, or break through blocking boulders. Actual towns with more than 4 houses in them, shops, barns, farms, homes. Like little link with the heat, maybe ice types would struggle in volcano areas, or bug Pokemon not be so comfortable in gale force winds. Give the weather more of an effect on your partners. Mounts, don’t even get me started that Pokemon Let’s go had you able to ride any of the larger species, but swsh did not???? Bitch please, give me my rideable Pokemon. The wild area too was far too closed, limited, online was laggy and a mess, camping is limited, let me do more with my team. Pokemon for me is all about the actual creatures, how they live with humans, and the many wonderful things they’re capable of. Yes of course it’s cool they can fight, but like what else you know?

I’d love a game that lets me buy a plot of land, maybe plant things, custom build things. I’m a sucker for the fallout4 settlement builds when they’re modded to hell and back, they’re fun! It can be a really calm and creative process. If I could do that and skip the main campaign and all the battles for a bit? Amazing, it sound perfect for me. I am that distracted hoe collecting flowers while the kingdom burns in the background. Side quests are everything to me. Let me give homeless people enough money to get them in a home? Let me adopt Pokemon that are stray around the town? Plz oh plz bring me a Pokemon game that allows me to work WITH my team to do more than KO other species. I want to save and buy a plow for my buddy gogoat, and grow amazing foods to sell to get currency to spend in decorations, to spoil my team. Give me actual game consequence, if I ignore that sick and injured Pokemon I find in the wild, later maybe it’s family don’t want to help me out with a different problem, too stricken from grief. I am all about the average bits, the old women who need help, the lost pets board in town, the general day to day stuff. Let me get cosmetic items for the Pokemon I keep, cute outfits, special gemstone items, let me actually live with them, or even feel remotely like they’re realistic.

Ok so in game, if it’s looking like BOTW it’s pretty beautiful but also stylised, I’d have it so you can send out a maximum of 3 Pokemon from your 6, using bumpers and such to throw them out. If you hit the trigger you switch from controlling the human trainer, to the Pokemon you’ve targeted with a standard lock on targeting system. You then can be the leader, but be the Pokemon. You could technically defeat the game without a human if you wanted, which incorporates the mystery dungeon games I think, and caters to that crowd. I’d love to see the use of attacks out of battle, things like using water gun to grow plants, using ember to start a campfire faster and stave off the cold. There’s no consequence to Pokemon anymore, and I think that’s where it’s lost me. I have to admit I miss the days of a poisoned pokemon fainting if you don’t heal them soon enough, I miss gym battles that were actually tough, damn, try picking charmander in red and beating brock without grinding in viridian forest first, it’s not easy. And I loved that. Yes it’s a child’s game, it will never be difficult again, but god it’d be nice to have a bit of a challenge, or maybe a difficulty setting, so some could play it with hostility turned off, great for kids, or you can be n adult like I know so many Pokemon fans are, and play it on expert mode and ACTUALLY have to work hard to beat the game. Alternate skill trees anyone? Train gun a fire type to ACUTALLy combat water moves?? Please! Cmon! It frustrated me that every challenger has pretty much a systematic set of moves to use to win. Grass opponent? Fire attack spam until you win. It’s dull, so at least with very difficult tricks to either find or learn in game would make it more achievable if you can send that fire type in and I don’t know, train them so much the heat evaporates the water mid-battle and you suddenly have a shot at winning. Pokemon has taught me that if you work hard enough you can achieve something, but the games just have such strict ways to win. Feels wrong.

In terms of battling, let us BE the Pokemon, let us learn to dodge, train our speed, train our defence, make a team of truly tough Pokemon instead of just, average? Some species have a cap on their skills, a squirtle has lower stat points than a Charizard, but you can’t ever change that? Let me choose the Pokemon I believe in, and let me work with them until they’re just as good, if not better than the game tanks. This would also make online battles more interesting. Everyone picks the top trio. Fairy, dragon, legendaries. And yknow what? It’s boring. That one IRL fight with the monster Pacharisu that won in the world tournament with follow me and the situs Berry? Unbelievable, I love that little rat so much because of this, so let us all have a chance to build a team that’s strategically viable, strong, and potentially a winner formula, even if they aren’t fully evolved, or the biggest Pokemon in the world. Yeah maybe you have to grind way harder with your unevolved Pokemon, but you get to the end game and win, because you put love and time into species that you enjoy, not just good fighters.

Unfortunately I am beholdent to Todd-idiot-Howard, and I love the Eldrescrolls and fallout games (before they got dumb, not that I don’t play the new ones. 76 I’m looking at you, you big asshole game.) honestly I hate online games, so none of that junk, just a good old fashioned open world sandbox game is plenty. Games for me are an escape from others, not an invitation to socialise. To each their own of course, and I do play online games sometimes, just pretty short lived ones, over watch and rdr2 for example. Would they be sometimes better on private servers? Yes of course, fallout76? Want to play with others? No. I do not. Please leave me alone. And if you buy a private server you’re feeding the monster that is Todd Howard, the man the myth the asshole, then we’ll get more bad games like 76. I just so desperately want the Pokemon company to see what a beautiful potential game they’ve got on their hands, that could be suitable for far greater audiences, but instead they’ve focused on the kids. It’s fine, it’s functional, but it’s lost to the fans from day 1, that are all 20+ years old now and want something meatier to play, something far more broad and inclusive. I also hate that there’s no wheelchair option in any Pokemon game. Like cmon, it’s not hard to include that.

In short, BOTW + Pokemon, with a sprinkle of open world sandbox to it, less fighting, more fun. Or, at least both options. Sure, go fight everything, great, but I want to farm carrots over here with 6sunflora, plz let me have some peace.

Edit: I forgot about harvest moon, chuck some of that in there too.

SECOND EDIT: someone in the comments mentioned to put this in Unova? Plz love yourselves, this game would be ALL MAPS. Stuff one singular location, this is the ideal game, put every map in it, join them, put islands in, make them more explorable, more detailed!

[crystalelemental]

With the end of Bravely Default 2, it's time for me to talk opinions about the game.

I'll be going for a while, so I'll break this into segments: story/characters, classes, gameplay.

STORY/CHARACTERS It's been years since I played BD1, but from just what I remember?  This is such a massive improvement it's almost comical.

I promise I won't be blasting BD1 for too long, but I feel you need to understand how bad it was to really appreciate this game's improvement.  The story of BD1 sucks.  It's terrible.  There's contrivance born of characters refusing to speak, and then there's whatever this was.  Everyone dies.  Despite how many are sympathetic or compelling, or caught up in this stuff solely due to unfortunate circumstance, everyone dies, and it's largely your party responsible for the killing.  It's completely unsatisfying, and happens entirely because of the big emperor guy, who is Edea's father, wanted to stop this secret evil thing happening for Very Good Reasons, except that his conquest of the planet involves putting the most horrible people in charge of locations and causing untold problems to solve for one (1) problem that is super unclear that he could've just explained to Edea at minimum to get her to understand, but refuses to do so because if he did we wouldn't have a plot.  It's an unsatisfying disaster of a game.

Thankfully, while BD2 is far from show-stopping with its story, it's a night and day improvement.  Your protagonists feel like actually decent people, instead of black-and-white morality lunatics given the mantle of "chosen hero."  Your antagonists maintain complexity, but a good chunk survive, with most that don't being killed either by other antagonists, or the consequences of their own actions.  Your heroes actually feel decently developed, with Elvis being The Man, and Gloria having some nice bits, like helping Rimedhal cover up the truth about the Archbishop to avoid panic while they're being invaded.  Historical revision isn't great, but she at least came up with a solution that kept the peace as needed, and felt like a response that a serious-minded royal would take.  Everyone felt pretty solid.  I mean except for Seth.  He's kinda just there.  I think it's in any Final Fantasy-esque JRPG that the male lead has to be the single most boring person in the cast for teenage male fantasy projection reasons.  I don't love it.

To go over each of the areas: Halcyonia is boring, nothing much happens aside from establishment stuff.  I did really wind up loving Selene and Dag, thanks to the sidequests that open up as a result of their survival.  It's super cute and I love them.  I want to like Lonsdale, but he's a Camus archetype.  "I am good guy, but oooh, too loyal to not aid in the complete genocide of Musa."  Okay buddy.  Sure you are.

Savalon is my favorite region.  Prince Castor was super interesting, and I love that a much latter quest has Pollux recognizing that Castor had a really good point about the obligations of a ruler, even if his methods were extreme.  Anihal is precious, and despite being a piece of shit, even Bernard had some really interesting complexity to him that made the place feel engaging.  And doubling back to this region in chapter 4, having the hidden politics still going on, and how the previous events here are leading to the conflicts in the present felt really organic.  They're just really strong.  You know.  Except Orpheus.  And what's her name.  The Gambler class lady.

Wiswald is...I like Wiswald a lot in spite of myself.  I think it has a really weak intro, being mostly a possession plot, where everyone is good just being controlled.  And the final twist is that every bad thing has been Folie's fault, and she's doing all this just because she's a psychotic child who gives literal life to art.  But I really like Roddy, Lily, and Galahad, and while she's boring as sin, I did kind of appreciate Folie for being a weirdo but in a way that checked out.  Like okay, a mostly rejected child seeking attention, finding something she's incredible at but still gaining nothing from others, and turning bitter and actively malicious toward others is neat.  Then there's the return phase with Vigintio.  The intro to that is great on its own, but the memory from Vigintio is what sold me on the guy.  He mastered turning into an undead, meaning that after he's killed by Emma he technically survives, and he actively stabs himself in would-be fatal ways just to prove he's unkillable and therefore won.  I just think he's a cool approach to that kind of character, seeing a form of immortality and wanting to be the best mage ever through any means possible.  Though also, special mention has to go to Elvis, whose crystal is the most interesting.  He's chosen by the Earth crystal, and despite being all over the place and inconsistent, he's selected as the unchanging foundation of the team because, despite his transient nature, his one constant is that he'd do literally anything for the people he cares about.  And that's a really cool approach for a character.

Rimedhal I wound up coming around on slightly, but still have as my least favorite.  I kinda had that vibe the instant we walked into "This is going to be about religious zealotry!"  That never goes well.  But it did grow on me.  Martha's probably my favorite.  I don't know why, I just appreciate the flirting being a fakeout for wanting to brawl, and she's got that very direct, not taking anyone's shit attitude, so she's great.  Dominic is slightly interesting, but only in the sense of his frustration at being passed over by the Fire Crystal as a chosen one, and specifically being passed over for the previous Fairy Queen potentially being the reason Fairies are the focus of the witch hunts.  Helio's boring as sin, and Gladys I have mixed feelings on.  On the one hand, I like the idea of a redemption arc where possible, and fully approve of her getting one in concept.  On the other, she doesn't get one, and I'm not upset.  Gladys is all about carrying out Helio's orders to have people jump to their deaths, in order to "weed out fairies," who she believes killed her parents.  As a result, she's incredibly hostile, and is pretty directly responsible for the presumed hundreds to thousands of people who are dead in a pit.  My problem is how she died.  One of the townsfolk stabs her, after she saved their life, because she was responsible for the death of his sister when you first arrived.  And it's like...okay, yeah, karmic justice in a sense, but by this point, she literally saved your life, dude.  And to be honest?  Every single person in that town is as guilty as Gladys.  Literally all of you.  We got to see everyone pressure the jumps, and actively falsify testimony to cast suspicion.  Even under slight duress, you all participated gleefully in this ritual murder shit, and it feels distinctly unfair to have only Gladys suffer consequences for that.  Either have Holograd burn the town to the ground or let her live, is what I'm saying.  Though the bonus quest focused on how some remember her positive traits and others remember her as a brute terrorizing the city is fairly poigniant.

Holograd is boring.  "We used to be poor, then we found the mines, now we're militarized."  Adam is the most stock standard antagonist, trying to end all war by subjugating everything under his heel, only the strong should rule, etc etc.  Edna's also boring as sin.  Like okay, she wants to awaken the Night's Nexus, but it's never really clear why, so she kinda sucks.

This leads into the finale.  Honestly?  I like how it's handled.  Your first ending is fighting Edna, destroying her, then having Gloria pray to seal the Night's Nexus again.  Naturally, she dies in the process, for reasons.  You get a sad ending and the credits roll, and when you boot the game...you see that scene play out from the book's memories.  And this is where it gets cool.  The book has only shown past events, through many characters' eyes, but now it shows the future somehow.  You enter chapter 6 with that mystery.

You seek out the fairies, who explain the Night's Nexus, and turn an otherwise boring eldritch evil into a fairly interesting character.  Night's Nexus is the remains of a human woman who entered the kingdom of fairies ages ago, and betrayed their trust by trying to consume the fountain of all knowledge.  Her goal was to subsume everything, and coalesce all information to a singular point, to obtain perfect understanding.  Past, present, and future are brought together to fully understand the deterministic universe, and that's...actually cool as hell.  But she's sealed away forever, because god forbid women do anything, and that's where we get the angry, bitter sense of hate for the world.  Sure, her lust for knowledge and control may have resulted in consuming everyone in addition to everything to create a perfect unchanging record, but sometimes you gotta do what it takes.  Chapter 6 ends with you attempting to confront the Night's Nexus, but realizing that it is, in fact, completely immortal.  You cannot kill it, and the fairies decide to seal off time within their realm, keeping it, and them, trapped in stasis for eternity.  Adelle stays behind and it's super sad but oh no another fakeout!

The book shows you the battle of the previous heroes, and an asterisk you missed.  You track it down, and you can finally read the book.  Turns out, the book has its own asterisk, for the Librarian class, which I would kill to play as, because it sounds like magic.  But it also turns out to be the soul jar for the Night's Nexus.  If the book is in tact, the body will revive.  This is...actually really interesting, and it checks out, because those visions of the future can only come from an entity with that potential foresight, and only the Night's Nexus has gained that level of ability.  So it's actually pretty well done.  Unfortunately, the climax is fairly sub-standard.  You go to a new dungeon, you face off against it, the fight isn't that scary and its true form is less interesting than the mummy thing with shadow hands, and then you get your standard ending. But it's satisfying.  Like, if nothing else, the story is satisfying, and I enjoyed experiencing it.  The characters have a few duds, but mostly wind up being pretty engaging.  I liked it a lot.

CLASSES The classes of this game are unbalanced as hell, but at least everything feels broadly useable.  Throughout main game, everything felt viable on normal mode, and many of the classes I didn't use wound up having use as a sub-class, or having utility I didn't pin down instantly.  Thief had Godspeed Strike, which is apparently the best midgame damage out there and a boss annihilator.  Beastmaster had tricks for every boss, apparently, if you have the right monster.  Salvemaker has a great combo with Phantom that, to my understanding, is infinite resources and sure-fire status application.  Oracle's Reflect spell can be the best source of magic damage if you cast it on your entire party.  There's a lot of stuff.

The only class I could not find any use for was Bastion.  Shieldbearer is just an overall better tank class for the team, with Sub-White Mage being an unkillable god for the story.  Though even post-game, with AoE stuff suggesting Bastion is an improvement, you often want that single-target coverage, and foes can just Brave past your one-use party shield and kill you anyway.  So Bastion felt really weak in my hands, despite being obscene on the enemy team.

If I had to pick an outright winner, it's probably Phantom.  The passives are insane.  50% chance to crit when hitting a vulnerability is tremendous, just about anything can make use of that.  And guarantees of probability-based skills at the cost of 40MP is unreal.  Status is guaranteed, it's the solution to Steal farming with the Thief's skill, and I'm pretty sure it counts Salvemaker's passive to regain used materials as well.  And that's just its general utility.  Offensively, Phantom/Ranger is unstoppable.  You can guarantee hitting a vulnerability with powerful skills, and Ranger's second passive means you regain a BP if you crit, which is most of the time.  You can toss out insane damage while maintaining max BP, it's insane.  And it's a pure upgrade on Godspeed Strike strats as well.  I imagine this is the best application for Hellblade too, since hitting a vulnerability with perfect elemental coverage is a great way to get constant crits.  It's just such a powerful class.

My other preferred classes were Spiritmaster, Shieldmaster, Red Mage, Ranger, and Oracle.  Shieldmaster was fantastic team defense with infinite healing as a sub-White Mage.  Red Mage got Double Cast, which was fantastic after Wiswald.  Prior, Black Mage bypassing immunities and absorb effects was better.  Ranger is the other half of Phantom, and I just like running bows.  Oracle had a lot of problems but I love it in spite of everything.  Spiritmaster is the hard one, because its second passive is legitimately insane for supportive effects, allowing constant regen of HP, MP, curing status, negating debuffs, reviving the party, and giving +1BP.  Its problem is it also clears buffs, and has horrific anti-synergy with classes like Bard and Oracle, which...kinda leads into my big problem with the classes.

Magic sucks post-game.  Prior, it's great, just hit an enemy weakness and you're dealing good damage.  But eventually, you reach end- and post-game, and your physical classes just dominate.  Red Mage doublecasting into an enemy weakness might deal around 6-10k, depending on how strong the magic is and your crit rate.  A single crit off that Phantom/Ranger build would deal 14-17k.  It's unreal how much stronger your physical classes get.  And this in spite of magic's built-in limitations.  No magic class combination affords you perfect elemental coverage.  You can get 5 at most with Black Mage and either Red Mage, Oracle, or Pictomancer.  The only class with perfect coverage is Hellblade, but frankly?  Hellblade's best utility is dying.  Use it as the sub-class, with the Red Mage skill HP/MP Conversion to cast magic from HP instead, and use Ultima Blade.  It uses all your MP (HP now) to deal damage, and with max HP, you deal 99,999 damage in one swing.  That's way stronger than anything magic can do!

The only exception I've seen is Reflect strats.  If you get your entire party with Reflect, and cast a party-wide spell that targets all your allies, it will reflect four times.  Meaning that a single cast now hits all enemies four times.  If you use all your brave points, that's now 16 casts in one round.  32 with Red Mage's doublecast.  If the foe even takes neutral damage, you're looking at a ton of damage in one move.  But the problems now should be obvious.  Multi-target boss battles have varied, non-overlapping weaknesses and resistances, so you're rarely getting that full effect.  But moreover, Reflect is removed by Spiritmaster.  And every one of the trial fights has "Counter any skill: BP +1," so casting healing magic is a bad idea.  Meaning you use healing items instead, and nothing else.  Your best healer isn't even a healer, it's a random support with "Healing Item Amp" throwing X-Potions around.  You basically give up everything heal-wise for a high-risk strategy to explode the foe in one round, focused on one caster and two Bards to boost magic and crit rate and get them a guaranteed action afterward.  Which is a lot worse off than the physical classes being so self-sufficient and dealing better numbers otherwise.

GAMEPLAY With that introduction to classes out of the way, the last factor is just the gameplay itself.  I'm going to say overall great with caveats.

The main game is fantastic.  It wasn't until Chapter 4 that I started to feel bogged down.  Everything prior is great.  Dungeons are reasonable length, have some interesting challenges, and boss fights were super engaging with a lot of unique strats.  Dragoon is probably the only time I felt like a specific class was necessary (Shieldbearer), but given that this game is direct about "You must always have a tank," it's not too unreasonable to expect it to be there.  Vanguard only does so much at that point.  Thief and Berserker are other close options, but Beastmaster prevents it from being a one-option affair.  Thief has Vanguard beating its ass with Earth damage, but Beastmaster can summon the big enemies just before that fight for the same, and doing four actions with all of them is apparently a one-round clear.  Berserker needs Bard to help with buffing defenses to avoid just dropping, but apparently the Fire Spirits that Beastmaster summons can inflict Stop.  So that's neat.  Basically, it's all great.

The only questionable system in a basic sense is weight.  I get the idea.  Anyone can equip anything for variety, but some classes are lightweight and can't handle much, while others are tanks that can pack all the heavy equipment.  You can get heavier stuff on lightweight allies by using accessories that reduce weight, but often those have limited other effects, so it's a tradeoff.  By and large, it's a fine system, but sometimes it feels needlessly limiting.  By the end of the game, I have all the really good armor and weapons for Shieldbearer.  I couldn't equip all of it because of equip load.  I am level 75, and the only solution is to add more levels to equip everything.  To me, that feels like a problem, and it's one that's easily solved by having equipment be specific to certain classes.  But that does lead to situations where it's like "Why can't Red Mage equip this particular heavy armor, they're supposed to be the all-around caster," so there's tradeoffs.

Starting at the last dungeon of Chapter 4, it starts to suffer from JRPG Syndrome, where it's just gone on far too long.  Dungeons are overstaying their welcome, fights are a bit more tedious than you'd like for having to do dozens of them, etc.  Nothing is new about it, it's just frustrating.  At least chapters 6 and 7 do away with that, by having incredibly short dungeons that just lead straight to a boss.  But not before Chapter 5 can give you the Crystal's Resting Place as the ultimate test of your patience.

The other issue I take is the trials.  Until now, there Brave/Default system had a particular give and take relationship between your actions and the enemy's.  You can do a thing, or you can not do a thing and stockpile actions.  If you do a thing, your opponent can respond, or they can gain advantage by not doing a thing.  If you don't do a thing, you may gain a bit of turn advantage, or your opponent gets to set up something of theirs that may be detrimental.  Maybe you're trying to stockpile turns for your mage to get casting, but oops, Oracle set Reflect, or Bastion set up Vallation.  Trying to build up to something now wasted your time.  The major problem was that Defaulting was, well, the default action.  Unless you knew your foe could punish a Default, there was no harm in it.  The solution was punishing taking multiple actions via counter skills.  The Ranger is the first good example I can think of, where attacking could result in her unleashing Quickfire Barrage, hitting your entire party multiple times, and potentially causing a party-wipe if you were over-zealous and unlucky.  While they're annoying, counterattacks felt like a sensible way to avoid making Default the obvious solution to everything.

The problem with the trials is that counters aren't attacks all the time anymore.  Instead, you get "Counter any action: BP +1."  Which is bullshit.  It completely removes the give and take process, and instead makes it so your opponent is effectively always operating at max BP, because they'll counter everything you do.  It absolutely annihilated healers, who just give the opponent BP and trap them in healing loops, leading the aforementioned statement that the best healer is "Healing Item Amp."  And if you go on the offensive, now you not only need to worry about counterattacks, but giving them max BP again.  It's like they realized the game's system was solved at this point, and a well-crafted team didn't necessarily need to change what it was doing, and said "Absolutely not" and decided the enemies should all cheat to maintain the illusion that this is difficult rather than just frustrating.  And it is just frustration, because the same strategy I always used worked, I just didn't have enough levels to survive the constant attacks or to deal the necessary damage to offset their shit.  It's just a badly designed cheat skill.

This comes to a head with the Bravebearer trial, which is just blatant in its cheating.  Until now, foes use skills based on what's actually available through the class they inhabit.  Sure, there are some upgrades, like Thief countering your Default with the BP steal skill, but by and large anything they do you can too.  But not this fight.  Lonsdale gets to set DOUBLE Rampart, which does nothing but waste your actions against a foe who can already shred your BP values. Of course, they all have the +1 BP counterskill, and the Bravebearer can one-shot literally anyone for damage cap for free whenever he wants, leading to situations where he can one-round your entire party for free.  But that's not the peak bullshit.  No, the peak bullshit is that, if you KO Bravebearer, and one of the others is still up?  For absolutely no reason, through no skill other than "Fuck you I win," he gets back up two turns later with like 40% HP.  And he will do this infinitely.  So the carefully planned solution to take out the mage, then take down Bravebearer, leaving on the tank to whittle down through his double damage negation cheat skills, doesn't work, for literally no reason.  This is the kind of boss fight design that I feel should be punishable by death.

This leads to the other big issue: I feel like status is kinda just something to bother the player.  Very rarely did status ever seem to work, and most enemies seemed immune to anything that mattered.  Every mage is immune to Silence, no one was ever hit by Stop or Slow, I think I got Blind on a foe exactly one time ever.  The worst part is, it's not supposed to be this way.  The story battle against Bravebearer, which is an incredibly tough fight, is weak to Paralysis.  You can lock him down infinitely with Paralysis...if you knew it was going to work.  Which, based on past experience, you wouldn't.  That's really the issue.  Prior experience dictates what's going to be viewed as worth trying, and status consistently doesn't work, until the one random fight where it's a solution you're just supposed to pick up on.  I think the better solution is just making status a more viable approach throughout.  "But we made like five different status effects that just completely shut the opponent down, we can't let you do that to everything."  Then maybe your status effects were poorly balanced.  But it's Final Fantasy style, so we knew that already.

FINAL THOUGHTS I really enjoyed the game.  I wasn't sure I would, but I took a chance, and I'm happy with it.  I will admit to intense frustration around the Bravebearer trial, but even that can be seen as me making my own life harder for no reason, as I still had 24 level ups to go before this became unsalvageable.  Though given the structure of the fight, I'm certain it would've been anyway.

Basically, it's solid, but I think it suffers from the same curse that many JRPGs I've played have if I seriously considered them: fantastic, well-designed experience through the main story, that absolute falls to shit the instant you step into post-game challenge content.

[kaibacorpintern]

hi i forgot the ship name but would u write something thats seto and ryou? (platonic or romantic) where they play a ttrpg together or somethin idk

“or somethin idk” give me an inch, i have run a mile. a mile of 4.7k words.

platonic euroshipping. post-canon. ryou applies for a game writer position at kaibacorp and makes it to the final stage. contains: dragons, swords, some very sexy things about solidvision and the virtual world, kaiba covered in blood and having a great time, me the writer having a great time, hopefully you the reader having a great time, and ryou, not covered in blood, having a very, very, very anxious time

tw for some fantasy violence

++++++

Ryou inhaled, taking a deep breath of: the fresh, sweet smell of grass, the coolness of river water, something dry and grey in the wind, slightly rotten - smoke? And sulfur. The grasses were filled with the restless susurrus of the wind, each blade quivering with anticipation. Above him, a hawk tilted in lazy, wide circles, tracking the hidden paths of its prey. He stood on a dusty path halfway up the long slope of a steep hillside, the farmlands of the valley behind him peeled back to reveal the burned, blackened devastation beneath. The village from this distance looked like the charcoal remains of a bonfire, the air still shimmering with heat. 

The sun itself was hot, making him sweat in the thick, coarse silk of his mage’s robe, every purple thread saturated with light and heat. Mopping sweat from his brow, Ryou opened his options menu, the holographic display falling open, in the guise of an illuminated manuscript, and hovering at waist-height in thin air, perfectly tilted for reading. The parchment was old and yellowed, almost velvet to the touch, the edges frayed with age, and he couldn’t resist the urge to smell it, leaning in cautiously to take an experimental whiff. Strong notes of dust, old ink, age; an undertone of knowledge, of the forbidden kind. 

He selected Player Appearance and the page turned, with weight and heft, to reveal another. Kaiba didn’t miss a beat. Ryou had no doubt if he knelt down to drink from the stream that flowed down the slope, folding in clear ribbons past the rocks, the water would run cold over his fingers until they pruned. And the magic effects?

He swallowed. It was not just the sun that was making him sweat.

He’d just changed into something more practical - a short-sleeved green tunic, a pair of white breeches, leather boots that had just a bit of bite to the fit, like the player had to wear them in - when a chime pealed out from six feet away, as though someone had rung an invisible bell. The air tore apart, in odd, geometric anguish, like a broken mirror twisting into itself - 

and there was Kaiba, standing in the knee-high grass in his customary black turtleneck and tight pants, frowning with his arms crossed.

“Hello,” Ryou said. “It’s so nice to see you again. Your technology is... this is amazing. The attention to detail is incredible. The player screen, with the parchment - it even smells like - ”

“What is this? Medieval?” Kaiba said, glancing around at his clothes, the distant village, taking no notice of his praise; Ryou bit his tongue in self-rebuke. As if buttering him up with compliments was going to help. 

“Western Europe. From the mid-11th century to the 12th. The age of knights and chivalry,” he said, deciding that maybe his best strategy was to simply be straightforward.

“I’m familiar with basic history, thank you. How... classic,” Kaiba said, in a tone that screamed disinterest, and Ryou’s heart began to plummet - already starting from behind? No, no, no, he reminded himself, straightening the slouch out of his shoulders. Yuugi had warned him about this. Kaiba was fantastically tough to impress, in general, and the Virtual World was his world, a realm he'd built with sweat and tears, and stolen back with blood. So he hand-picked every writer that wrote for Virtual World games, refusing to squander a single pixel on conventional nonsense and uninspired cliché. 

The last step - before he brought the axe down - was a short, playable demo, as proof of concept, written by the applicant and executed by the Virtual World team.

Ryou had come this far in the application process. Trust that, Yuugi said. And trust yourself.

Kaiba was looking at him, eyebrows arched with expectant curiosity.

“Er,” Ryou said. “Let’s get started, then. You’ll need to change.”

He pulled up the menu, revelling in the hovering parchment once more, and changed Kaiba’s appearance, like - like magic, the lines of Kaiba’s silhouette rippling like a sine wave from the bottom up, his modern-day clothing becoming a knee-length tunic of chainmail under a belted dark blue surcoat. Kaiba held still throughout the entire transformation, in smug admiration of the effect, his arms held out in a ballet dancer’s pose as chainmail draped down his shoulders to his wrists. 

In his right hand appeared, with a sharp, diamond flash of light, a long arming sword, the edge nicked with age and bloodspill. The hilt was black, with a sapphire gleaming in the pommel. A plain shield dropped onto his left forearm. 

He gave the sword an experimental spin, testing the heft with practiced ease, and slid it back into the leather scabbard on his belt.

“A knight, the charred, smoking remains of a village… I’m assuming I’m on a quest to kill a dragon?” he said, pushing back the hood of the chainmail so that it draped off his shoulders, and nodding up the slope to where the grasses tattered into rocky shale. 

“Yes, you can assume that,” Ryou said politely.

On cue, a child no more than twelve years old staggered up the dusty path from the village, her small torso heaving with breath, sweat and tears running in clean streaks down her soot-stained face. 

“Sir Knight,” she choked out. Flashing a look at Ryou that said cheap blow, but unable to deny his own fraternal instinct, Kaiba dropped to one knee and caught her, his hands swallowing her thin, shuddering shoulders. Playing along, at least.

“Calm down,” he said, steadying her. Ryou imagined his anxiety as a small, hard rock, packing in the twist of every fraying nerve, and leaned all his weight onto one foot, grinding the rock into the dirt with his heel. "What is it?”

“They sent me to warn you, about the dragon,” she panted. “They said only the Chosen One can truly defeat the dragon, and bring peace back to the land. Many have tried. All suffered the same terrible fate - a fate worse than death.”

“I see,” Kaiba said. “And who is the Chosen One?”

The girl glanced at Ryou over Kaiba’s shoulder, her eyes glinting with fear. 

“No - no one knows,” she said. “But all the oracles say they’re coming… a knight with a pure and worthy heart. Sir Knight, don’t go. Come back to the village. It’s safe there. What do you gain from this? Our humble lands aren’t worth the danger!”

“I think they are,” Kaiba said, thumbing soot off her face, and frowning as her cheek pixelated, briefly, and resumed a skin-like texture. "Open master commands, user ID 000002510. Initiate master log. Begin recording: skin-to-skin contact glitch reappeared during writer play-test, candidate Bakura, R. Begin patch work immediately. End recording. Disperse to Virtual World team, flag Sawada, project manager. Close master commands. Did you know, one of the most compelling unsolved problems in physics is the lack of a theory that realizes both general relativity and quantum mechanics?”

The girl gave him a wary look, wide-eyed with faint alarm. Ryou sucked in a breath, grinding the anxiety rock down, down, down.

“You - you speak in tongues, Sir Knight," she said. "Are you also an oracle? Has your future-sight failed you? Don’t you see that only death lives on the mountain?”

Kaiba snorted and stood up, turning to Ryou. “A solid response to non-standard player input. Doesn’t ignore modern concepts, but re-contextualizes them in the setting of this world via a framework of prophecy, and redirects the player to the plot.” 

“Um... thank you?” Ryou said. “I wanted this world to feel like it has a future, too, not just a history. I wanted to place it on a timeline, like it - ”

Kaiba’s attention swung back to the girl, still standing there with her eyes darting between them, full of bafflement. 

“Return to the village, girl. Tell them my future-sight never fails me.”

The girl retreated backwards, warily, twisted on her heel, and fled down the path.

"If I go down to the village, what'll I find?" Kaiba said.

"More information about the Chosen One, and an outlaw who tries to recruit you to her band of thieves, with the option to join them for a stealth-based quest.”

"Hm. You have the imagination and the decency to offer me something other than blatant bait, which I don't always bite. The cliché of the Chosen One is boring as hell, it’s both over-done and deterministic, but I think... yes. Yes, I'll bite. Let's go see your dragon."

In the wake of this... compliment?, Ryou could only offer him a small, tentative smile, his heart clenching tight around Yuugi's advice. 

Kaiba started up the path. 

“Er, Kaiba - you might want to check your inventory before you encounter the dragon."

Kaiba’s hand padded around his waist until he found the small satchel that sat on his hip. Another parchment unfurled in the air before him, listing its contents:

Two full healing spells;

Two glamour spells, for changing the guise of a person or object;

Two transformation spells, for changing a person or an object into an animal;

Two scrying spells, for locating people or objects;

Two ignis spells, for commanding fire;

Two aqua spells, for commanding water; and

Two ventus spells, for commanding wind.

Ryou watched him as he read. He'd carved a small, thick groove into the dirt below his foot. Surely, that was enough for Kaiba to get creative?

Kaiba only closed the parchment with a brisk flick of his hand. Then he started up the mountain, Ryou following nervously behind.

***

The mountain path was rougher than Ryou expected, a tightly-coiled spring of switchbacks, leading to the curved lip of a high pass. After several minutes of trudging the dust in silence, he was panting for breath, his feet aching and blistering in their boots, and deeply regretting adding this little detail to the story. Next time, he was just going to put the dragon on a rolling, grassy plain, and he’d make it like an American autumn corn maze, because it still needed to be a challenge, and when the players got to the center they’d find the dragon’s decaying, rotting corpse and realize they’d been stuck inside the maze for five hundred years and everyone they loved was dead, and if they wanted to go back to their own time they’d have to find out how to resurrect the dragon, but only at a terrible cost, a sacrifice of some kind... Not his best off-the-cuff work, but there were usable concepts in there, somewhere. If there was a next time.

Despite being laden down with the chainmail, each tiny link flashing like fish scales in the airy slanting of the afternoon sun, Kaiba seemed unaffected by the demands of the hike, propelling himself forward with long, energetic strides. How?

Ryou thought about asking for a break. Or drinking water from the stream. Or changing his boots for something comfier, but he didn't have anything else in his outfit inventory except the mage robes, and the slippers might be even worse… he stopped, hands on his hips, gathering his breath.

From here the valley sprawled below them, a wide, velvety plain, its edges rising and scalloped by mountains. The village fit in the circle of his thumb and forefinger, a smoking black thumbprint. The team had done a fantastic job: the stream ran down the mountain, flattened into a river, and ran south, lazy and serpentine, a green-blue ribbon cutting through the yellow plains, just like he’d outlined in his initial description of the world….

Wait. 

This was all virtual. 

There was no such thing as air, here, or rivers or sunshine or grasses.

His real, physical body was half-asleep in a Virtual World testing pod on the 17th floor of the Kaiba Corp Tower, and his body here was just a series of algorithms, and if he didn’t want to sweat, he didn’t have to fucking sweat! Thank God!

Up ahead, Kaiba noted the absence of his footfalls and turned around, one hand resting easily on his sword hilt. From his position on the path, he looked down at Ryou from several feet up, which doubled the intimidation of his already formidable bearing.

“I’m fine,” Ryou said. “Just... admiring the view.”

“Are you having your Matrix moment? That’s what my programmers call it,” Kaiba said.

Ryou laughed. “I think so. I was tired but I don't feel it at all, anymore. Like all the fatigue's just melted away and I could run a marathon.”

“Is that something you enjoy?”

“Oh, no. I hate sports.”

Kaiba snorted.

“So, tell me. Why do you want this job?” he said. “At my company? Writing stories with my technology?”

“Er - ” Blindsided by the swerve in topics, Ryou tripped over his thoughts. Surely he must’ve read his application? Maybe he didn’t have the time. Stick to straightforward. “I’m sure you remember my performance in Battle City?”

“Yes, I remember,” Kaiba said, which was honestly more than Ryou expected of him.

“Well, I don’t play much Duel Monsters anymore,” he said, “but I still.. every once in a while, I turn my Duel Disk on and play a few cards, just to see my monsters come out, see them breathe… you know I run a Zombie deck, full of demons and dead things, but SolidVision makes them feel so - so alive. You took these fantasy monsters that exist only in our heads and put them in our world.”

“Virtual World game writers don’t work on SolidVision products,” Kaiba countered.

“Right, I know that. To me, Virtual World and SolidVision are the inverse of each other, or opposites that contain each other, like, like yin and yang - with SolidVision, the unreal enters the real, and becomes real. In the Virtual World, the real - ” Ryou motioned to himself - “enters the unreal, and becomes unreal. We like to put walls between imagination and reality, you know, taxes are real and unicorns aren’t, but with SolidVision and Virtual World, there is no wall. That’s the world I want to write stories for.”

“Hm,” Kaiba said, the corner of his mouth curving up in a smile. “Interesting take.”

And he waited, saying nothing more, until Ryou realized he was waiting for him; and trotted lightly up the path to join him.

*** 

By the time they reached the top of the mountain pass, the air had turned a clear, dusky gold. The mountains cast long, black shadows across the valley, like dark teeth, chewing up the farmlands. The mountain pass was saddle-shaped, one side sloping down into the valley they’d just come from, the other flattening into a smaller, higher bowl, cupping a pale blue-green lake between its rocky palms.

Kaiba scrambled onto the nearest large rock, his head swinging as he scanned the lake valley. Ryou wrapped one arm around his waist and bit his thumb. They had found a deep, penetrating quiet, the kind of wilderness quiet that was devoid of texture of any kind; no bugs or burbling streams or bird song. It was not even like holding your breath, waiting, because that implied a coming moment of exhale, a sigh of relief. This was a perfect stillness. 

And hidden somewhere inside it was a dragon. 

Ryou bit harder, until he remembered the pain was fake and did nothing, and he had to come up with something else to temper his anxiety, which was definitely, definitely real.

Kaiba's gonna flip his shit when he sees your dragon, Yuugi said, from the back of Ryou's mind, Ryou's demo manuscript in hand. In a good way or a bad way? Is it too derivative? What does it matter that he'll flip his shit for my dragon when he flips his shit for ANY dragon? He's a slut for dragons. Oh my god, you can't say that! Yuugi, please, help - nope. You got this. You know what you're doing.

Even the metallic shing of Kaiba’s sword coming out of its sheath seemed small, in an unnatural way, a pointless, petty defiance. 

A shadow fell across the lake valley. 

Both of them looked up -

and an enormous dragon hurtled out of the sky, landing with thundering force on all four clawed feet, flattening trees and boulders beneath its reptilian bulk. Ryou staggered backwards and fell, in an awkward, clumsy crab pose; Kaiba threw his shield over his face and dug in, undaunted.

"HAVE YOU COME TO KILL ME?" the dragon boomed. “MISERABLE WRETCH?”

Kaiba lowered his shield, just enough for his first full look at the dragon. From his spot, crumpled on the ground, Ryou saw, in the shadow below the shield, another slender smile. The dragon’s hide was a dark, luxurious blue-black, mottled like snakeskin but textured with the heavy crags and knobs of crocodiles. It lowered its head on its long, arching neck, gracefully bearing the weight of two massive, curving horns, and stared down at them with fathomless acid-green eyes.

Even Ryou, who had designed it, sat enthralled: every movement it made - the eager flick of its tail, the claws, curling into the dirt, glinting under a layer of blood and grime, the shuddering of its leathery wings as they folded into its long body - hinted at indomitable power. It was a true creature of legend, a titan from the youngest days of the world, demanding both reverence and terror.

“I have!” Kaiba replied blithely, despite announcing it in a ringing voice.

“ONLY THE CHOSEN ONE CAN DEFEAT ME,” the dragon said. “YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF SUCH A FEAT. I SEE YOUR HEART, BLACKGUARD KNIGHT. I CAN TASTE THE BLOOD YOU’VE SPILLED WITH YOUR SWORD, BRIGHT AND PUNGENT. I CAN HEAR THE CRIES OF ALL THE LIVES YOU’VE LET EBB INTO THE DIRT AT YOUR FEET!”

“I’m here to avenge the village!” Kaiba shouted. 

“YOU COME UP HERE TO DEFEND SOME PATHETIC SCRAPS OF BRICK AND WOOD, THINKING YOU CAN KILL ME, AND CALL THAT HONOR? REDEMPTION? YOU CALL THAT COURAGE? ITS TRUE NAME IS VANITY! EMPTY AND FALSE! IT WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN BEFORE I DO!” the dragon boomed again. “LEAVE. I WAS ONCE NAIVE AND VAIN LIKE YOU. COME BACK WHEN YOU ARE MORE THAN A MERE WORM, OR ELSE SUFFER MY FATE!”

Ryou had clambered to his feet and bolted for the safety of a low ridge, which gave him a perfect view of Kaiba, head held high and proud as he gazed unflinching at the dragon, several hundred times his size. He’d written those words in his notebook on the metro, leaning his head against the cool midnight glass, pausing every other line to ferret out another piece of sour candy from his bag. Then he’d missed his stop. That trundling, light-washed world of a train car seemed impossibly distant now - a rapidly fading dream, to be remembered only in flashes and silence. To hear the words come out of the smoking jaws of this dragon, each syllable flowing in a delicious, indulgent baritone from its shining teeth, filled him with a breathless exhilaration, his heart hammering in his throat - this was real!

“Only one of us is suffering fate today!” Kaiba shouted back, a laugh in his voice, and then threw a glance at Ryou. “‘Suffer my fate?’ Is that a typo?”

“VERY WELL. COME KILL ME! THERE IS PEACE IN DEATH, AND ONLY ONE OF US CAN CLAIM IT!”

“I - watch out!” Ryou yelled, as the dragon lunged forward, its jaws snapping shut on the empty air where Kaiba had been standing half a second before. Kaiba threw himself out of the way, a nimble tuck and roll, and scrabbled across the shale towards higher ground. Behind him, the dragon swung its massive head, nostrils red and flaring, mouth curled up in a savage draconic grin, glinting with the promise of violence. 

No sooner had Kaiba flung himself behind a scattering of boulders, shield raised, than it unleashed a jet of fire so hot and scorching the boulders glowed red, their rough faces melting in sheets. Ryou felt the heat wash across his face, from several dozen yards away. 

The fire died out. The dragon snorted in satisfaction, horse-like, a loud, wet huff of smoke. The boulders sizzled as they cooled into their new, bizarrely dripping forms.

Kaiba emerged from behind a boulder, sweating and singed, his face streaked with ash and his eyes shining. He tossed the warped, melted wreckage of his shield aside, where it bounced and clattered against the rocks.

“SO YOU STILL LIVE? A MISTAKE. WHAT COMES NEXT WILL HURT WORSE!”

“For you!” Kaiba hurled back, and threw his hand into the air, a gesture Ryou had seen countless times on a duel field - a lightning rod, a summoning. “VENTUS!” 

The wind picked up, in a giddy, howling whirl, bringing with it a cloud of dust that descended gritty and blinding and pale across the valley. Kaiba and the dragon vanished from sight inside it. Mentally Ryou subtracted one spell from Kaiba’s satchel.

“THIS WON’T HELP Y - ” Cut off by a wet chop and an ear-splitting draconic scream, a raw, awful sound, torn out of an unwilling throat. Just below it, a glorious, cascading laugh. “WRETCH! WORM!”

The dust settled, revealing glistening, dark-green blood splattered across the rocks, and a single severed claw, its flesh still twitching. The dragon seethed, its wounded foot curled in agony. Kaiba was clear across the other side of the pass, by the dragon’s tail, grinning open-mouthed as he panted for breath. His chainmail and surcoat dripped with dragon blood; his hair was thick with it. 

“COME GET YOUR PEACE, DRAGON!” he bellowed, and the dragon slung its head around, tail coiling in an ominous whip. 

Again Kaiba lifted his hand, shouted “VENTUS - !”

And a second dust cloud barreled into the valley, as the dragon roared back, “THAT WON’T WORK AGAIN!”

It whipped its tail through the dust cloud, a scythe-like sweep - smacking something hard into the rocks with a thick, fleshy crunch of bone that made Ryou’s insides clench tight with terrified sympathy.

The dragon whirled around, clearing the dust with several storm-gathering wingbeats.

This was not real. This was just pixels, neatly arranged and running in rivers of algorithms - just a clever series of ones and zeroes - and yet Ryou gasped, the dragon laughing, at the sight of Kaiba lying in a crumpled, motionless heap in the rocks. He hadn’t considered Kaiba might actually fail to kill the dragon - all thoughts of jobs and game-writing abandoned - unreality aside, the mind had a way of making it real - what the fuck happened if Kaiba died?

“IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE, WORM?” the dragon said, nudging Kaiba’s limp body with its claws, rolling him over. His head lolled, his body twisted into a horrifying, broken-boned slouch. How on earth was Ryou going to explain this to Yuugi? Hell. “I TOLD YOU, YOU'RE NOT W - ”

Ryou almost didn’t see it - a hawk in a dive, arrow-straight, from the top of the sky, diving through a blinding flash of light several stories up - and out of the light came Kaiba, alive and whole, plummeting towards the dragon’s head, gripping his sword with both hands - plunging it straight through the top of the dragon’s skull. 

He left the sword hilt-deep in dragon flesh as he pitched forward with the force of impact, rolling over the dragon’s brow, flailing to catch himself - on the massive horn. Clinging, victorious, as the great dragon swayed, its green eyes filming, and finally slumped, in agonized slow motion, to the earth, body first, head last, with a thundering, bone-rattling crash. 

It released one last, rattling breath, the trees shuddering in the fetid breeze.

The valley descended into stillness once more. 

Ryou sat down on his low escarpment with a limp thump, burying his face in both hands. This was just a Virtual World, where at one point everything would power down and they’d wake up safe and sound in the squishy, air-conditioned comfort of a pod, and he had, after all, planned on Kaiba killing the dragon, but Kaiba’s sheer nerve seemed beyond that. Yuugi was right. The guy was, maybe, a little nuts. Completely off his rocker.

“Ryou,” Kaiba said, above him, and Ryou lifted his head. Kaiba rested the sword jauntily across his shoulder, the rest of him filthy with dragon blood and human blood and dirt. “I have to say, I enjoyed your dragon. A shame it had to die.”

“Your strategy... You used a glamour spell? On a... rock? To make it look like your dead body,” Ryou said. “And then a transformation spell.”

“Correct. Is that all for your demo?” Kaiba said, cocking an eyebrow, both bloody and disdainful, and Ryou swallowed. “I was hoping for more of a cha - ”

His words stopped hard in his throat, a harsh, hacking sound. His free hand flew to his neck, mouth dropping open in pain and confusion, eyes widening. He coughed - or tried to, achieving nothing more than a thin, ugly retching, his face going white - and Ryou watched, in fascinated horror, as his gamble began to play out. There was nothing he could do to help; he’d written it that way.

The sword clattered to the stones, green blood dripping off the shining edge, as Kaiba staggered sideways, gasping for breath, both hands on his neck - what was the algorithm doing to him? Ryou had only written ‘a suffocating, squirming pain, concentrated in the lungs,’ and resolved to think more carefully about what types of pain he might inflict on the player characters, if the gamble paid off... But how interesting to know even the creator of the Virtual World himself suspended his disbelief - his knowledge of the truth - sometimes, and indulged in pain...

He collapsed to his knees, stretching one hand out, fisting it around Ryou’s collar and dragging him closer - 

“What - ” he choked out, eyes glaring into Ryou’s, in baffled, furious agony - terrified - they rolled backwards, the blue sliding away to white, as he slumped over himself. 

His hand went slack and fell. What life remained slipped away in a low, shaking sigh.

Ryou took him by the shoulders and gently lay him down, passing a hand over his eyes to close them. Dead, but not really.

“Just hold on a moment,” he said. The body had been vacated. The soul - the player - was awakening elsewhere.

He waited a few moments, absorbing the stillness, the detail on the leaves of the pine trees; the way the lake water shimmered in golden flecks with late afternoon light. It was maybe his last few seconds to enjoy the world he’d written, rendered in full splendor by the magic of technology, and he’d banished his anxiety from both his mind and body, to live out its exile in the real world. It didn’t belong here.

The great dragon body began to stir, drowsily, waking up from a deep, deep sleep. The deepest sleep.

Ryou stood up and slid down the escarpment to the dragon, pebbles and dust avalanching around his feet. The stab wound in its skull was knitting back together; the severed claw was crawling back to its slow-bleeding joint. There was an agonized hiss, forced through the dragon’s tightly-clenched teeth, and a vibrating groan, deep in its chest, as it gathered itself out of death.

Its eyes opened, in wary slits - not the bright, acid green, but a stunning, oceanic blue.

“OW. FUCK,” it growled, in Kaiba’s voice, magnified and twice as resonant. “OPEN MASTER COMMANDS, USER ID 000002510. SUSPEND ALL PAIN ALGORITHMS. CLOSE MASTER COMMANDS.”

He rolled upright, flexing his wings with experimental care. He arched his neck, looking down at Ryou.

“YOU TURNED ME INTO A DRAGON.”

“Yes,” Ryou said cautiously.

“NO ONE HAS EVER TURNED ME INTO A DRAGON BEFORE,” Kaiba said. ”SO I WASN’T WORTHY? IS THIS WHAT IT MEANS TO SUFFER THE DRAGON’S FATE? EVERYONE WHO KILLS THE DRAGON BECOMES THE DRAGON, AND ONLY THE CHOSEN ONE BREAKS THE CYCLE. IS THAT HOW IT GOES?”

“That’s how it goes.”

“HOW DO I FIND THE CHOSEN ONE?”

“You choose them,” Ryou said. “You decide what makes them worthy.”

"SO ANYONE CAN BE THE CHOSEN ONE? ANYONE CAN BREAK MY CURSE?"

"That's right."

Kaiba pondered that for a moment, flexing his claws idly in the dirt, the massive slabs of muscle in his shoulders shifting as he tested the strength and fit of his new draconic body. His gaze drifted out over the lower valley, eyes clouding briefly with memories of another story, another game, another man; one who had always seemed real and unreal, all at once, no matter what world he lived in. Ryou had heard it all from Yuugi.

Then Kaiba looked at him and started to laugh, a sound that echoed and rebounded across the small lake valley, the water shivering as each delighted peal of laughter rolled across. Ryou blushed as it buffeted him from all sides.

“IS THAT SO,” Kaiba said, with dry relish. “YOU’RE HIRED.”

[dausy]

So I had one missing book where I had to ghetto add it I think In September so that drawing is on another device. I almost finished 2021 with 100 books. I counted 92 including that one honorable mention. I actually had a few other “technically books but not original novels” and a couple audible originals that I didn’t add.

I do NOT intend to do this in 2022. I may pick up the blockbuster book here and there but I don’t plan to do any specific reading goal because it does make you a bit ocd. December and November I was out of town A LOT and it was hard to go full blast like earlier months. It was a struggle to get 4 books this year, me just finishing Troubled Girls Academy yesterday.

I don’t know what Im supposed to say as final thoughts. I did this as a personal challenge. Merely wanted to prove I could do 52 books in 52 weeks. I did that and a few more. Most were technically aimed at a younger audience but it’s hard to focus on story when I read at specific times (at the gym, walking the dog, painting). Middle grade or YA is easy to zone out and not get lost when you refocus. Where as adult you have to really pay attention. I really really wanted to like fantasy but I feel like some of my favorite reads were boring old contemporary like Where’d You Go Bernadette or Man Called Ove. Or Good Girls Guide to Murder and Inheritance Games were incredibly fun but their finales were a bit disappointing.

YA is a bit of an aggravation and they can’t be trusted. More than likely they want to be exceptionally deep but treat their audience as exceptionally stupid as a result. Middle grade I find to be much better storytellers. Now I did binge Shadow and Bone series to get caught up before the tv show and while I…enjoyed them..for the most part..I found them to definitely not that well written.

My middle grade books. Frostheart is great. I love all three. I would love a box set one day if I can find one at the bookstore and had storage. And also Winterborne Home is fabulous too. For being made for kids, they’re wonderful fun for adults too.

Anywho, I do still keep adding books to my tbr but I’m really going to be slow and meh.

I wish I had tracked the video games I played this year. My gaming has super slowed down. I have too many hobbies and no time (and I’d still like to one day crossstitch or knit something). But time all runs together so I can’t remember what was this year or not. I did just recently finish Assassins Creed Valhalla which took me moooonths…and I’m playing Kena Bridge of Spirits now. I did Dragon Quest Xi (switch),ratchet and clank (ps5), miles morales Spider-Man. I think I did Bravely Default II and Trials of mana on the switch this year too..

I’d like to play Tales Of Arise and Ghost of Tsushima but I think God of War will come out and interrupt me at some point..

Happy new year

[chayacat]

Devil’s Sweet Star (17)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader  

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut  

***

Haaa... what a pleasure to reopen your business after an absence. Well, you didn’t want it, but you must admit that this little weekend has done you good. Even if in the end, Ghostface came to see you in your hospital room. But you are finally back in your café, your kingdom, your haven of peace.  If some people find their work too stressful and boring in the long run, for you, your coffee is the opposite. The faces of the customers, their smile, the little conversations you have with them or that they have with each other... You'll never get tired of it.

The customers are numerous, and happy to see you again! Rumors are going fast in Roseville and when the locals found out what had happened to you, they all worried about you! And seeing you again was a real relief. One of your clients, a little old lady even brought you a small bouquet of flowers! How adorable! The room was full and your Neptune's pie was always the little favorite of the guests. Even though your March cake and Ufo brownies were also starting to be popular with people. And with your new cakes, people were flocking more and more. How nice it was to see a room filled.

“Have you read the papers lately? It seems that a certain Hoggins would be in the middle of a scandal. And Mr McKellan would also be involved!” said a woman to her colleagues.  

“What? Really? What did they done?” ask one of them.

“Apparently, Hoggins would sign partnerships with his competitors, then sink them thanks to McKellan's complicity to recover more profits!” replied the woman

“What a bastard.”

“Personally, this does not surprise me. I saw the article on the website of a Georgia newspaper. They're the ones who have that exclusivity. Too bad, usually it's our little newspaper that gets good scoop like this.” said the man of the group.

“At the same time, they have another Ghostface murder to write about. This Jed Olsen is really super good! I don't know how he gets so much information!” said another woman.  

This conversation caught your attention. Yet Jed told you that the journalist from Georgia got caught, didn't he? So how is it that they publish the article before Roseville? Unless...

“Hey!” said Mattew, entering the café with a childish smile.

“Mattew! Nice to see you!  Melina isn't with you?” you answer with a bright smile.

“Nah, she’s already at work, Since the scandal came out, she's been motivated. Then? Feeling better?”

“Yeah, doctor said to not make too much efforts. But I'll be fine. The same as usual?”

“Yup! It's going to wake me up a little bit for work.”

You smile while you were preparing Mattew's order. Let's talk about him, shall we?

Mattew Erins is a lovely California Boy. His family, from Irish immigration, moved to America to pursue a career. And careers are diverse! Comedians, musicians, workers, cooks... Mattew is the only one in the family who has tried journalism. His mother, a great theatre actress, and his father, a director, tried everything to keep their son in line. But little Mattew still preferred the quest for truth to comedy. The same size as Jed, his beautiful green eyes, his body a little skinny and his blond hair make him one of the prettiest boys in Ohio. His parents were very open-minded, so he had no fear of introducing them to his boyfriend Chris, who was freaking out about the meeting. 3 years of pure love and laughter between these two and few arguments. The most interesting fact about him is that he can eat like an ogre.... without gaining weight.

“There you go!” you said, giving him his order.

“Thanks a lot! This will help!” he said taking a sip. “Haaa that’s good.”

“By the way, I heard that a newspaper in Georgia published the article on Hoggins... But Jed told me that whoever was at the reception had been caught...”

“Oh, the boss changed his strategy, to prevent Hoggins from attacking us, we sent our article to this newspaper and we waited for them to publish it to publish it right after. That way we don't risk anything, even if I think it's a bit unfair.”

“it is, but in a sense, you are protected. I heard there was a new murder of Ghostface... Jed had told me about it as well. Do we know who it is?”

“It...It was Mike. Police find Mike’s body in a state...Well, it's not pretty to see. Apparently, he went wild this time.”

“Oh God...I'm sorry to hear that...” you replied.

“He was an asshole, but he didn’t deserve it. Even the worst man in the world didn’t deserve a death like that. Well, I gotta go or my boss will be angry at me again. I'm a bit of a champion of delays at the Journal... I'll see you later! and rest from time to time!” said Mattew before leaving, smiling at you.  

You take a little time to assimilate what Mattew told you. Ghostface killed Mike. In a way, Mattew was right, even the worst man didn't deserve to die atrociously. But on the other hand, He had gone after Jed. He almost killed him. So... He looked for it. But that means you have to thank Ghostface. Because if he hadn't killed Mike... Who knows what he would have done to Jed?  

The thought of feeling indebted to Ghostface disgusts you. Because you know that he will use it to get what he wants from you. But it's a fact, he saved Jed's life. Unintentionally. The memories of last night came back to you. He saw you naked and had fun scaring you with his knife. But the cold of the blade passing over your chest didn't really displease you. It even gave you little thrills of pleasure. But it's out of the question to show it to him. Only Jed can give you these sensations. Not this lunatic who only tries to satisfy his fantasies.

But let's keep this to us, okay? For now, Jed and you are not officially together. Not yet, anyway. With what happened to him, and since he still hasn't turned the page, does he only feel ready to engage in a new relationship? Maybe it won't last? Maybe he's too scared? But yet this kiss he gave you... Isn't that proof to the contrary? That he wants to move on? And that with you he finally hopes he will get there?

All this is still confused. You'll have to discuss it with him... be sure that's what he wants. Because you’re sure about what you want: for you he's the only one that can make you happy, you're sure. But what about him? You sigh while shaking your head, you don't have time to think about that at the moment. you have to focus on your work... And on Ghostface.  

If you couldn't find out more about him last night, you know that sooner or later he'll let his guard down, or he'll say something interesting to bring him down. And there, and maybe there, you can turn the situation to your advantage. But sneaky as it is, it is able to tell you anything... or to find out the truth. And you're in serious danger of regretting it.

“Excuse me, Miss! Can I have a refill please?” said a young man.

“Of course!” you answer taking the coffee pot to refill the young man’s cup.  

Another one asks for a refill and when you are about to serve him, a man came in with a gun. A man you recognize among a thousand since he is the one who attacked you. He pointed his gun at you, ready to shoot.  Your blood only made one turn. And before he can say or do anything, you throw the coffee in his face. He screamed knocking down his gun. You take the opportunity to hit him in the stomach and you put him on the ground. You give him an arm wrench and press his back with your knees to keep him on the ground.

“Someone calls the cops! Quick! I won't be able to hold him for long!” you shout at everyone before looking at him: “Wasn't it enough to stab me? You want to kill me with a bullet between the eyes now??? I've had enough of you and your boss! You can tell McKellan I intend to stay here whether he likes it or not!” you whisper to his ear.

The police arrived a few minutes later and boarded the young man. You warn them that this is the man who stabbed you. They took note of it, alerted the police station and greeted you before leaving, the suspect in the vehicle. Once inside, everyone applauded you. You feel both flattered and embarrassed, you acted only instinctively... nothing more. You resumed your work for the rest of the day. Proud of your action, you can't help but smile, you can't wait to tell Melina, Mattew and Jed all about it.

The end of the day came and as usual you go around your café to make sure everything was locked. Especially the back shop. As you went to close the back door, two hands came to hide your eyes which startled you. A little laugh was heard, a familiar laugh.

“Ready to go home Miss?” Said Jed laughing a little.

“Jed! You’ve scared me!” you answer, tapping his shoulder as he turned around and laughed.

“Sorry, I couldn't help it. Are you done going around? Are you ready to go home?”

“I am. We can go. I have to tell you something crazy.”

“What? A client fell on his butt because you clean the floor too much?”

“No... The man who stabs me attacked me again. Don’t worry he didn't have time to do anything. I sent him coffee in the face and I mastered him like a champion of martial arts! You should have seen that!” you replied proudly.

“You've mostly had some pretty sharp reflexes. Someone told the police? Did they come?” He asks.  

“Yes. I told them that he was the one who stabbed me. But it seems that they already knew at the police station. Thanks to your testimony. Besides Mattew told me for... your former colleague. Mike. Ghostface apparently didn't miss him.”

Jed only nod before opening the van’s door. You get in and put your belt before watching Jed again hoping he answers. But nothing. He simply started the car and hit the road to get home. You look at the road slightly annoyed thinking that you have to thank Ghostface for somehow saving Jed's life. Jed noticed your annoyance and patted your leg while smiling before refocusing on the road.

He parked, went down, and you both took the opportunity to pick up your respective mail. Mrs. Lawson took you in her arms when she saw you, which made Jed sneer at this embarrassing situation. You reassure the old lady before you say goodbye and leave with Jed to your respective apartments.

“Hey... it doesn't seem to be going well. You... Do you want to talk about it?” ask Jed, worried.

“It's just that... I feel compelled to thank Ghostface for killing Mike. After all, he tried to kill you at work... Who knows what could have happened to you? Maybe Mike would have come here, he'd come home and...” you said, some tears forming at your eyes.  

“Hey hey hey...It’s over now. And you don't have to feel indebted to this murderer. Mike didn't know where I was living anyway. He could never have done anything to me. And then... I know how to defend myself a little bit. Even if you don't see it... You know what? Tomorrow night I'll invite you to dinner. At home or in the restaurant of your choice. I owe you that. It'll change your mind. Ok?”  

You nod and kiss him on the cheek before wishing him good night. You close the door of your apartment and sigh with relief, but look dreamy. a one-on-one dinner with Jed. Well, this is not the first time but ... There you can discuss. Either you're officially together, or he'd rather wait. But with the sign numbers you've seen, if he tells you, he's not sure he wants to engage in a relationship with you, you'll be disappointed... but not discouraged.  

You head to the kitchen to get ready to eat. Tonight, it's Mexican. Homemade fajitas to reward yourself for your day. You've earned them! You prepare your meal, the sweet smells of spices spreading throughout the room, sweet and slightly spicy smells. You smile proudly of the result when suddenly two hands came to hide your eyes.

“Smells pretty good here... There are some for me, I hope?” Said Ghostface by releasing one of your eyes to try to catch a fajita. A gesture stopped by a wooden spoon on the hand.

“Don't even think about it. I'm not going to let you sting my food. Why don't you go steal your meal from one of your future victims? Or go home.” you answer frowning.

“Oh, come on. You can do it again. Given the amount, you could feed your whole building. I have the right to eat at least one. So? I’ve heard you've mastered your attacker? You see that sometimes diplomacy is not always the best solution. And again... I'm sure you would have slaughtered him if you had been alone.” he replied, laughing.

“I already told you that I'm not twisted as you are. And I only did it because he was pointing a gun at me. It's self-defence.” You said slightly angry.

“Of course, Of course! But you know... you start with a kick or a punch... And then you move on to an iron bar... or a stab wound. You know when you've lived a life like mine... After a while you think: either you are the prey or the predator. I'll let you guess which route I took.”

“I'd never be like you.”

“And I don't want to! You'll just be my accomplice; you won't say anything... you'll lie to the police... You will be... my guardian angel. My beautiful angel. And then who knows... Maybe you'll save me from madness. or that I will train you with me.”

“I have someone now and...”

“Do you really want to live with that Nerdy Boy? While you could have a more exciting, more dangerous life! Do you prefer a boring life to that? I'm not saying Jed won't be faithful to you... from what I learned from him, he's the best boyfriend girls would love to have. But all he thinks about is working. As I told you, I will treat you like a queen. A treasure from which no one will come near. You will be mine, and only mine. I'll never let anyone take what I care about again.” Said Ghostface touching your cheek with gloved hand.  

You were about to react when he ran over you, sticking his arms on the worktop. You could hear the breath through his mask, then a little sneer before he retired, a fajita in hand. He walked to the window, lightly lifted his mask to take a bite. Then he handed it over and looked at you.

“Taste good, but I would have added a little more spice. Oh, by the way, don't thank me for saving your little nerd's life. I need him to talk about my exploits. Think carefully... He or I. Sweet dreams.”

Then he vanished. But at least you've learned a little more. It's only a small step, but it's better than nothing. But what did he lose to get to this point? Only he has the answer.  For now, you have to hold on. Choosing between him and Jed? The choice is quickly made.

And maybe once you're together... You can bring him down.

And finally, you'll be free from the Devil.

At least that's what you think.

***

(And it’s done! Pass my code asks me for time, sometimes I wonder how I get to write and focus on my code at once. But I hope you’ll like this chapter! And now I'm resting my brain for the weekend! Have a great week-end everyone! See ya!)

[haljathefangirlcat]

Okay, pls tell me about this: "heartfic au"

As you MAY have already guessed ;) it’s a fic inspired by @janiedean’s beautiful ASOIAF heartfics. 

For those unaware: one day, an anon suggested Janie write an ASOIAF fanfic set in an AU where, after suffering too much pain and trauma, people’s hearts (represented by glowing spheres of light) may crack and bleed and, eventually, spontaneously disappear from their owners’ chest to reappear wherever their soulmate is. Said soulmate then takes care of the heart, trying to heal its wounds and/or stop its bleeding, until they’re finally able to give it back. And then, ofc, romance and (more) hurt/comfort ensue. I think the initial prompt was JB, because iirc that’s what the first heartfic was? But Janie also wrote similar fics about other ships, like Davos and his wife getting Stannis’ heart or Sansa getting Sandor’s.

Janie has said on a couple of occasion that she’s fine with other people using the same concept, since it was that anon who came up with it. I decided to write Arthurian fic about it because the whole idea was just screaming GALAHAD/MORDRED!!!! over and over at me. 

Basic plot is “kid!Galahad gets a cracked, bleeding heart and figures it’s that of a damsel in distress he will have to save one day because ofc, he’s Miracle Boy and everything, but oh no, all the ballads say brave noble knights marry the damsels in distress whose hearts they heal, and he has to stay Pure to find the Grail!! ... but hey, maybe they can be just friends?? Then he grows up, goes to Camelot, starts this weird friendship (?) with Mordred as the two Local Subtly (Or Not So Subtly) Ostracized Awkward Prophesized Bastards Of Very Important People, and realizes it was never about a damsel at all. Cue DRAMA on both sides (”WAIT HOW DOES IT WORK DOES THIS MAKE IT BETTER OR WORSE I MEAN CAN WE HAVE LIKE A PLATONIC VIRILE FRIENDSHIP OR DO WE HAVE TO --” “OH GREAT I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH EVEN FOR MY GD SOULMATE NOW” and a bunch of other stuff) until Galahad leaves on the Grail Quest and experiences a lot of horrible shit until his own heart goes to Mordred to protect itself, proving they truly ARE meant to be together and prompting Galahad to refuse the Grail and ascending to Heaven (after a lot more internal turmoil, probably) so he can come back to him.”

Here’s a peek from a scene I’m particularly proud of:

As it turns out, he wasn’t lying.

Mordred can’t deny it as he stares at the thing Galahad took out of the chest under his bed, the thing that was in the leather pouch, the thing wrapped in wool like it was fragile and precious. The thing in Galahad’s hands, held gently, shivering like a branch in the wind, glowing like live coals, pulsating – no, not pulsating, beating.

The void in his chest longs for it, aches for it, covets it. No. No, it’s more than that. It’s not just desire but a need, a hunger. It makes him helpless before it, pulls him towards it like a riptide, and it’s all he can do to struggle against it and resist it, holding his arms rigid by his sides and not moving an inch from his position.

«It’s yours,» Galahad say, uselessly, and he opens and closes his mouth and lowers his gaze like he doesn’t know what else to say.

«Yes. It’s mine,» Mordred replies, just as uselessly. Then, after a moment, he adds: «Those are even my colors.» More because he’s just noticed than for any other reason. His bewildered tone probably makes his words sound even more foolish. But he won’t blame himself for that too much, not right now, because the first thing he noticed was the redness – the blood. The splotches of blood and the many, ragged scars. Hard to notice anything else, after seeing that.

His heart is an ugly thing. That’s not surprising, at all, but he chokes back bitter laughter all the same. 

Galahad’s head whips back up at the sound, and he looks startled and a bit confused. «Uh. Ah, yes, that’s true. I hadn’t thought… or, mh, noticed…» He stops, frowning.

Right then, a thought strikes him like a slap across the face, part hope and part dread and entirely stupid. «Gaheris has silver and purple in his arms, too.» Mordred hesitates and bites his lip, feeling inexplicably like a child about to confide some secret that’s at once all too important and too silly to be exposed, and then continues: «Not only that, but the silver reminds me of Orkney’s sea in winter… and that purple, of a flower that blooms sometimes on the heaths near the sea. My brothers and I all used to play on the coast as boys. They already did it long before I was even born.» Another pause. «As for the flower, I think we all picked it for our mother at least once.» And now, its color is dirtied and muddled by bloodstains.

Galahad shakes his head. «I’ve never thought too much about what the colors might mean. But I’ve also never felt like it could belong to any of your brothers.» There’s a light flush on his cheeks, now, a thin note of something that’s almost stubbornness in his voice. Mordred is aware that he could use that to tease him.

He doesn’t feel like teasing him. «Still… how can you be so certain?»

Galahad blinks and then stares him right in the eye, and suddenly his chest is tight, full of something that itches and stings and prickles under the other man’s calm, blue gaze. «Aren’t you? Don’t you feel it’s your heart?»

He does. He does, and that’s just the problem. The itch grows more intense, more unbearable with every moment he keeps his mouth shut to avoid answering. He drops his gaze to the thing that’s still in Galahad’s hands, the thing that’s calling to him and only him and seems to be beating faster and brighter the more he looks at it and does nothing else, almost like it’s yelling at him in its own way for making it wait so long.

«What if I don’t want it,» he says, and his voice sounds rough and weak to his own ears.

«Why wouldn’t you want it?» Galahad asks that like he honestly can’t think of any reason why, like this is the first time anyone in the whole world has ever said anything like what Mordred, not-so-secret bastard prince and prophesized kingslayer and kinslayer of Camelot, has just said. Maybe it is. He’s pretty sure he’s never heard any songs about any beleaguered damsel who simply told the dashing hero at the foot of her dreary tower, oh no, my good sir, you may keep it, I was fine without it and I will not need it anytime soon.

But Mordred is not a vulnerable maiden or locked up against his will and at the mercy of a cruel brother or uncle or eagerly waiting to be rescued since he was half his current height, so he steels himself and tries again: «What if I’m just fine the way I am now? What if I don’t need it, after all? I’ve spent years not feeling anything, I’m used to it.»

He looks up in time to catch the flash of naked hurt that crosses Galahad’s fine features, briefly replacing startled incredulity before it turns into barely concealed worry. «Are you sure?» Then, he seems to really think about it… and the fingers of his right hand start stroking the thing, lightly and unthinkingly. «I… I can imagine something has happened that you may not want to remember. Maybe you’ve felt things you don’t want to feel again. But is this really better? Would you really keep living like this?»

The spark of anger mixed with spite that flares up in his gut – at Galahad’s questioning and his assumptions that he can imagine and that he knows what living like this is like, those soft caresses that feel so impossibly familiar and intimate when at most they should be irritating or even disturbing in their presumptuousness, the way he feels himself ache for entirely new reasons – tempts him to say that yes, he would, and yes, this is better. It has to be. Has to be better than this ridiculous, confusing, terrible mess that Galahad’s dragged him into. Had he never come to Camelot, or least, had he never come to him with truths that sounded like bad jokes and his honest, open gaze and their stupidly engaging arguments and the quiet evenings spent together hiding away from everyone else and…

«Aren’t there things you’d like to feel? For your family, or your friends, or…»

Mordred sighs. There were lots of things, back when he had first given up his heart and spent his every waking moment wishing to get it back somehow. That was years ago, though, and after some time had passed and he had finally figured out that wishing never helped with anything, all of them had started to seem less desirable, less important… just, less. They didn’t matter anymore, and so he didn’t want them then and doesn’t want them now. And yet… it seems foolish to even think about it, like he’s slipping back into stale old fantasies and half-forgotten, senseless hopes, but… maybe there are a couple of new things, now.

He sighs again, this time trying for a slightly exasperated but mostly careless tone, and holds his hands out in front of him as soon as he’s sure they’ve stopped shaking. He swallows and says: «Alright, I think I’ll give it a try. But know that I might just throw it out again and then you’ll be stuck with it.» He tells himself that he’s not afraid. He is, of course, but he’s such a convincing liar, he knows he can convince himself. It can’t be too hard, right?

Galahad grimaces, and that’s not too encouraging, even if he’s quick to school his features before he slowly, almost gingerly reaches his hands out to him, too. Mordred has half a mind to snap at him and say, look, I was only jesting, I’m not saying you’ll really have to keep it or that I’d care if you left it on the wayside or threw it into a well, but then he worries that the bile might blend with actual pity and so he says nothing except for: «How am I supposed to do this, then?» The songs, of course, skip the boring technical details.

Galahad fits the glowing sphere between his palms like he’s putting a newborn into the cradle, touches his fingers to make them curl over it as if he’s afraid he’ll drop it. The sphere is light as a breath, yet somehow solid, and warm like a living thing… which it truly is, all things considered, although that thought still feels a little absurd. Galahad’s skin is warm, too. «I’m not sure,» Galahad admits. «I’ve… never done this before.»

«Yeah, well, neither have I.»

[loopy777]

Return of the Jedi is often looked upon as the weakest of the original trilogy. If you share that opinion, what do you think would have improved it? Aside from the Ewok thing, I think they could have gone with a different climax that doesn’t involve a second Death Star (maybe an old timey ship-to-ship style battle with the Executor but in space?)

Yeah, having another Death Star is definitely a bit tired. I appreciate that it came with a bunch of different visuals thanks to its half-finished nature, destroying it didn't involve another trench run, and it allowed for the biggest and most technically accomplished space action of the entire series (they did that all with real models and compositing! CGI may look nice, but it's easy), but having another super-weapon -- never mind the exact same thing as the first movie -- feels lazy.

In the early drafts, the creative team had been toying with something involving the Imperial Capital, but the action never really went beyond Death Star-esque space stations and a forest moon. I think something could have been done with the capital planet itself, but that would have required more budget than George Lucas wanted to spend, and his vision possibly wasn't even technically possible at the time.

Also, I do agree that that Ewoks are perhaps a little too kid-friendly. I think the theme works, with the 'primitives' defeating the more technological Empire, and I even think it was implemented in a believable manner. But the whole 'teddy bear picnic' look of it (as Carrie Fisher called it) was probably too much for the aging primary audience, never mind the adult fans, and there didn't need to be so much silliness and comedy with them. It's the same thing that sunk Jar-Jar and the Gungans in Phantom Menace- cute bumbling critters are fine, but then the audience isn't really going to warm to them winning a war. I don't mean that the fight needs to be all gritty and violent, but leaving the slapstick to just Wicket and letting the other Ewoks looks like experienced guerillas would have probably accomplished a lot in endearing the idea to the audience.

More than the teddy bears, though, I think the look of Endor's moon itself doesn't meet Star Wars standards. It's just a forest, the same thing you can see in any low-budget fantasy movie. Sure, there are a few more redwoods in RotJ than in LotR Knockoff #47, but it's still a step down from what came before. Tatooine was probably the most boring-looking planet before that, in terms of environment, but the sci-fi civilization built on the desert made it interesting. Endor's moon is just a forest and the Ewok treehouses. There's no wow-factor, especially after ESB upped the game from the first movie.

Overall, though, I think the main problem with RotJ is one that isn't really visible on the screen. It's the primary culprit behind the lack of enthusiasm people feel for the movie, IMO.

I'm talking, of course, about the pacing.

The first part of the movie, the rescue of Han from Jabba, feels like a stand-alone adventure more appropriate to an episode of a TV series. It has nothing to do with the conflict with the Empire, and has this slow rollout of the cast that definitely feels like it's reintroducing the audience to them, an odd choice for the last movie in a trilogy. Nothing is accomplished by it except reestablishing the status quo, getting the whole cast ready to return to the real story. It's the most visually impressive location in the movie, with the rancor and all the alien costumes, but in the end Luke just fights his way through it. Throwing Luke and company into something a bit more involved, like if Jabba was meeting with another crime lord and Luke played them off against each other or something, would be a bit more engaging. But that would still leave this section of the movie feeling separate from everything else. I'm not sure how to solve that, as it is a bit of business leftover from ESB that has to be tided up in some way, and it's a good example of why playing things by ear can be really hard even for people who are good at it.

The next major problem with the pacing comes on Endor's moon, when Luke and company spend so much time meeting the Ewoks. I don't think it's a long time in actual count of minutes, but it's a slow bit that's probably more drawn out than it needs to be. The original Star Wars was a location-hopping adventure with wonderfully-paced forward momentum buoyed by some fun moments of natural downtime. ESB was a chase sequence spiced up with the ramping romance between Han and Leia, with Luke's powering up and exploration of the Force inter-spaced, culminating in the heroes suffering major dramatic defeats. But RotJ starts with a side-quest, then Luke gets the truth about Vader in a good scene that's still just people sitting around and talking, and after a speeder bike chase (that again is probably too long) the heroes take their time becoming friends with Ewoks in a forest. Star Wars was exhilarating before this, and now it's laboring to the finish line while dithering to clean up its own subplots.

(Note: I do NOT advocate avoiding the due diligence of cleaning up subplots in order to try to maintain a propulsive plot, and the final movie certainly isn't the place to be throwing new subplots in. That's how you get Rise Of Skywalker, and no one wants that.)

When the big finale starts, with Luke confronting Vader and then the Battle of Endor kicking off, the pacing finally gets back on track, IMO. George Lucas knows how to edit together an action sequence, if nothing else, and knows when to cut back to the slower but more emotionally meaty Luke-stuff with the Emperor.

However, I do think the parts with Han and Leia can come across as a little rote, since their action isn't really tied to any story or character arc for them. It's functional enough with them both leading the rebellion, but there's nothing particularly dramatic about it for them, and they're just busting one small bunker, compared to Lando taking on the big examples of Imperial might, the Death Star and the Executor Super Star Destroyer. Han and Leia don't even get to fight one of the big walkers, they just fight the smaller chicken-walkers! And I think Lando's role does feel more like part of his character arc, with him being a respectable leader for the good guys in a nice uniform, and using his cleverness to keep the fleet alive long enough to assault the Death Star.

But, strangely, the moment in the whole Endor battle that feels the most like a culmination is when the Executor Super Star Destroyer is destroyed, and none of the main characters are even involved in that! Sure, blowing up another Death Star is fine, but we've already done it. No one has blown up a Super Star Destroyer before, and that got built up through the whole previous movie.

Fortunately, everything about Luke's big climax with Vader and the Emperor is functionally perfect, and that's the part that people were most interested in, so I don't think that RotJ really stumbles at the end. It succeeds and does deliver a lot of what people had come to like about Star Wars. It just doesn't do it as intensely or smoothly as the previous efforts, so it feels weaker.

So if I were to try to create a 'stronger' RotJ, I'd probably shave the Han Rescue down to a quick action-packed prologue, do the Vader=Father explanation for Luke as a mix of Obi-Wan's explanation with a trippy Force Vision Quest with some interesting visuals, then have the Rebellion assault the Imperial capital in a mix of space and ground battle. I'd get rid of the whole concept of the forest setting and the spear-wielding primitives, since that's the same metaphor as the Empire and Rebellion, anyway. I'd also make the Rebellion fleet smaller and more desperate, connecting it clearly to the losses from the previous movie, and the attack on the capital is some kind of desperate last ploy, motivated by some kind of time limit. Luke still confronts Vader and the Emperor alone. For Han and Leia, I wonder if -- instead of simply having them fight -- they could maybe rally some downtrodden local citizenry to help take down or turn off some big Imperial Plot Thingy, giving them a chance to show leadership and unite the Rebellion with the people it's been fighting for, or something like that. Han could even tell the locals about the Force, something they've never heard of, living on the capital. And Leia gives them the chance at freedom.

Hm, perhaps the first assault against the Imperial Palace fails at first, with a bunch of Rebels dying but Leia and Han escaping, leaving Lando and company stranded in space with the baddies? Then Leia and Han need to find an alternate way to accomplish the goal, giving the 'meet the locals' sequence a bit more intensity and a time limit, but still serving as a bit of downtime between actiony bits. Or the final half of the movie could be all action, with the relative downtime being Luke's part with the Emperor and Vader in the palace. (This is the kind of thing decided in the editing room.) Then the Rebel assault can be continuous, and about to lose when Han and Leia show up with reinforcements. Movie audiences love that. They turn off the Imperial Plot Thingy. Then Lando lands the decisive blow on the Executor, which crashes into the Imperial Palace just after Luke escapes in the wake of Vader's death.

Anyway, that's all off the top of my head. But you see where I'm going with this. Keep it moving, keep it intense, keep it new and interesting, don't get too hung up on the Vietnam War metaphor that inspired certain themes, and try to put more characters arcs into things so that Harrison Ford doesn't spend the next 30 years talking about how much he wanted his character to die.

Maybe we can have a village of Ewoks living in the capital sewers, along with other Downtroddens. There's no reason not to have any teddy bears.

Star Wars is supposed to be fun, too. And a little silly.

[skeptycats]

Vicky Archives #4

CODE OF THE CLANS - A little light humour

Vicky Holmes, the former editor of the Warriors series, has been doing short extract readings on Facebook since the start of the UK lockdown back in March. There’s some really cool anecdotes hidden within some of these videos, so I decided to begin penning them down for posterity and easy reference.

I won’t be transcribing filler, hedging and false starts but I’m including some amount of preamble just to be comprehensive.

A little short one this week! My health is a little poor at the moment so it’s a couple days late anyway, but I hope you enjoy!

#1 Into the Wild | #2 Forest of Secrets | #3 The Darkest Hour | #4 Code of the Clans | #5 Firestars’ Quest | #6 Twilight | #7 Long Shadows | #8 Leafpool’s Wish

---

Hello! It is Tuesday, March the 31st, last day of March, and I’m in a bit of a down mood today, I’m sure a lot of us are. The realities of lockdown are setting in, I’m bored, I want to go shopping - and I never want to go shopping! I’d just like a change of scene.

I decided today to go for some light relief. I’m going to do a reading from Code of the Clans, which was I think the first book I wrote completely on my own, so I storylined it, brainstormed it, and actually did all the writing on my own. It’s a lot harder without Kate or Cherith to help because obviously I was responsible for all of the words, but I was also able to play with the Erin Hunter voice myself. It was lovely, and I really enjoyed it.

Code of the Clans is something which we call non-fiction. Obviously it’s still fiction, but it was delving into the world behind Warriors. The structure, the heritage, the religion. It was just a pure exercise in fantasy, it was a delight. 

I’m going to read a short section from Code #11, which is ‘boundaries must be checked and marked daily. Challenge all trespassing cats.’ I’m going to read a short scene in which Whitestorm teaches border tactics to some familiar faces when they were apprentices. I can remember when I wrote it I was smiling, and giggling to myself. I’m probably going to do the same now, so forgive me for effectively laughing at my own jokes. We all need a bit of humour today. 

Is every cat here? Firepaw, Graypaw, Ravenpaw, Sandpaw, and Dustpaw? Dustpaw, stop trying to push Firepaw into the brambles. I’m not blind; I can see what you’re doing. Firepaw, go to the other end of the line. Sandpaw, he does not have fleas! Stand still, all of you.

As Lionheart told you, we’re going to practice border defense today. You can be the patrol, and I’ll be a deputy from another Clan who’s crossed the boundary. Who’d like to lead the patrol? Don’t look so terrified, Ravenpaw. I won’t make you be the leader if you don’t want to be. Graypaw, why don’t you have first turn? If you could just pick up that stick in your mouth and use it to draw a line across the sand, we’ll call that the border. Sandpaw, it doesn’t matter that the line is wobbly. Boundaries aren’t whisker-straight, code are they? So, you’re on that side, walking along on a dawn patrol. Off you go, patrol!

Did you really need to yawn like that, Graypaw? Oh, I see, it’s because it’s the dawn patrol, and you’re tired. Well, let’s pretend you all had a really good night’s sleep and are full of energy. Now, what should you be doing? Yes, sniffing, tasting the air—what for? That’s right, Sandpaw. ThunderClan border marks. And what else? Yes, Firepaw. The border marks of the other Clan. But only where the two borders meet. Beside the river and the Thunderpath, it would be bad news to find any scents of RiverClan or ShadowClan, because it would mean they’d crossed over from their side. So keep sniffing.

Maybe not that much, Sandpaw. Have a good sneeze and you should get the sand out of your nose. So, border marks, border marks. Can you smell both sets? Good. But what’s this? A cat from another Clan has ignored the marks and stepped over your border?

No, Ravenpaw, I didn’t mean we were actually being invaded. The cat from the other Clan is me. See how I just stepped over the line in the sand? What are you going to do about it? Wha . . .whoa! Stop treading on my ears!

Well, yes, Dustpaw, launching an attack and knocking me back across the border is one option. But is it wise to take on a cat twice your size? Or a trained warrior with more experience than you? The purpose of a patrol is to assess the situation and report back to your Clan leader. You won’t be able to do that if your pelt is clawed to shreds at the farthest part of the territory from the camp. Any other ideas?

How about asking what I’m doing? I might have a valid reason for crossing the border, especially if I’m alone. That’s right, Graystripe: [TN: Vicky points out the name error here] What do you want? is a good way to start. Don’t be too hostile: Remember, you are in the stronger position, because this is your territory and you have the right to defend it. Unless I have a very good explanation for crossing your border, I don’t have any rights at all. What do you think my reply might be?

Yes, Ravenpaw, I might need your help. My Clan might have been invaded, we might have serious trouble with prey, or we might have sickness that needs your herbs. All these reasons would mean that I am weak, so you can allow me into your territory but never out of sight.

If I am hostile, then meet me with hostility—which isn’t the same as aggression, Dustpaw. You’ve started with a strong challenge—What do you want?—and now you need to give me some sort of warning. Ravenpaw, what would you say?

Hmmm. If you’re going to threaten to claw a cat’s ears, you should try not to look so terrified at the prospect. Firepaw, would you like to try? Ah, yes, I like that you indicated the rest of your patrol. It’s always good to let the enemy know they’re outnumbered. Sandpaw, put that fire ant down. No, I don’t care that Firepaw might not know what it is. Now is not the right time to show him—and he certainly doesn’t need to get bitten by one.

So, you’ve challenged the trespasser, warned me that there’s a whole patrol here that can take me to your Clan leader if that’s what I wish; what next? That’s right, Graypaw, let me—the intruder—speak. If I can’t give you a convincing explanation for what I’m doing on your territory, if I don’t ask to be taken to Bluestar at once, then chase me off with no more questions. Don’t provoke a full-scale war—chasing means chasing, not catching and clawing. Just make it clear that you will defend your boundaries from any kind of invasion, even one paw across the border. A good warrior is always ready to fight, but only if it’s absolutely necessary: A good warrior will seek a peaceful, claws-sheathed solution first.

You will all make good warriors one day. Don’t look so doubtful, Ravenpaw. You need to find only a little more courage to be as good as your denmates. Your hunting skills are excellent— Dustpaw, you’d do well to watch him. Who knows? You might even lead this Clan one day!

Now, back to camp, all of you, and leave this old warrior to enjoy the sun in peace.

BEHIND THE SCENES

That was fun. Always cheers me up to revisit some of the humour, and there was a lot of humour in Warriors. Both Kate and Cherith excelled at introducing some comedy, especially around kits interacting with the older cats.

That’s something I was very aware of when I was writing the ‘non-fiction’ books like Code of the Clans and Battles of the Clans. It’s very easy to think of Warriors as super intense and super involved and traumatic and emotional, but you can’t sustain that. It’s exhausting to write and it’s exhausting to read, just as it’s exhausting to live. I think at the moment there’s a danger that we’re all sort of living on a bit of a knife’s edge, living on our nerves, and I’m certainly starting to feel that. It’s okay to take a break, with your writing and with your general day-to-day life. Laughter is the best medicine, literally. Writing about kits just gives me the giggles every time. And yes, it feels self-indulgent to laugh at my own jokes, but hey, I’m on my own, I have to make my own jokes.

It was very interesting there because of course I spotted a typo - one of my famous errors! - that Graypaw had been referred to as Graystripe. Obviously I wrote Code of the Clans when we were probably on series two at least, if not three, so I was thinking of these cats as their warriors names, and obviously forgot I was supposed to be calling Graypaw ‘Graypaw’ there. I have obviously made lots of mistakes over the years. I think my favourites are the fact that Heavystep died and comes back to life several times, and Rowanclaw started off as a she-cat and then pops up as a tom. So we could perhaps claim the first transitioned fictional cat? But it was an honest mistake.

One of my fondest memories from going on tour is when I would turn up in a bookshop and some very earnest little child would turn up with a book full of post-it notes, and they’d solemnly say that they’d pointed out all the typos and errors in the book and marked them with post-its, and would I like to take the book away so I could do the corrections. No, is the short answer. I’m sorry for the mistakes, but it’s not up to me to correct them. That’s the publishing, that’s further down the line. We have corrected errors in some books, but it has to be big mistakes, you have to go in and change the printing plate. All I can humbly say is ‘I’m sorry’. I’ve written a lot of words, they’re not always going to be the right ones. 

[miqo-tales]

5.3some: part 1

Was it worth it? Lets see.

Spoilers lay beneath, of course.

MSQ

SQEX not wasting any time bombarding you with cute with Riqi-Tio, huh?

Apothecary lady certainly has the right idea, giving an aspiring Warrior of Light a fetch quest.

Also, here start the chemist job theories.

OK, 1) why do the Scions need to give a fancy name to every room in their HQ? 2) WHY IS THIS PLACE SO DARK?

I’m glad somebody remembered Y’shtola.

Eldibus presents: Final Fantasy 14 Abridged

“Last time we fought I was the victor.” Oh not you too. I kicked your ass, man. You just happen to be fucking immortal and I got a raging headache due to everyone’s pet catboy.

This bit with the constellation stones is a bit weird. I have to assume Hythlodaeus was leaving them for us?

Nice, the falling stars are still around if you port to other zones. Seems the ominous music only plays in Eulmore and Crystarium though.

Doing the Dwarf crafting quests while the sky is falling is hilarious.

I... assume we’re not actually killing these summoned people. Based on what Elidibus says, I suppose they’re sort of shades of those heroes.

I love how even the in-game characters aren’t buying the writer’s desperate attempts to say “no, no, no, oh no, the Exarch isn’t going to die!” 

People keep saying there’s no time and then spend time prattling on.

I feel a bit slighted that this battle with Elidibus is doing the same “cool summoning sequence of 7 other people” that they did at the end of 5.0.

Alrighty, and he’s dead.

OK, show of hands, how many people ever noticed a graveyard next to the Journey's Head Inn?

Wow, Runar, you poor bastard. (Also, hats off to the artist that drew fan art of this exact scene like a fucking year ago? What a prophet.)

GET A ROOM.

Maybe we should have color coded these soul crystals so I knew who's who.

Alrighty, and he’s back.

Wow, guy hanging out with Zenos turned out to not even remotely be who I thought they might. Also he’s... suddenly a completely different personality? Well, whatever.

The Heroes' Gauntlet

Not much to it, honestly. Nice music, feels like the mobs hit rather hard though.

Also I had a hell of a time getting initial aggro on them. I dunno if my timing was off or what.

I wonder if we’ll get any backstory to second boss. I mean, people will obsess about her regardless, but there seems to be something to her.

Final boss has some neat mechanics.

The Seat of Sacrifice

Geez, that action event is harsh. I started taking a sip of my drink when it came up cause I was expecting the usual lazy button tapping, then I’m slamming it down cause suddenly I’m at 25% left on the bar.

Actually needing to use tank LB3 in a battle? There’s a rarity. I was waiting for the usual thing you beat up to stop the big attack. Wasn’t even remotely expecting to need LB3.

I was really expecting more from the ice and fire mechanics. I hope the EX is a bit more interesting.

...

Honestly this patch doesn’t really hit too many high notes with me in regards to the MSQ. It’s partially cause, honestly, I don’t care that much about the Exarch / G’raha. I vaguely recall finding him annoying back in 2.x, so him coming back was mostly just “oh hey neat callback”. Additionally, in my version of this story, S’era is not this familiar with G’raha. She wasn’t the Warrior of Light, so she never went to the Crystal Tower and never met him. So most of the interaction your character has with the Exarch is quite different for S’era in my head.

It’s also sort of an odd thing to me that the Exarch kind of... forces himself onto himself? Like, that’s not really G’raha Tia anymore, right? It’s the Exarch. No amount of adorable hand-wringing and ear moving changes that it’s a 100+ year old man with a shit ton of baggage in his younger body. Feel free to find that cute if you want, I think of it as pretty weird.

The other reason this doesn’t land too well is because of Elidibus, the flat stale bread villain of FFXIV. Could he have been interesting? Sure. Is he? In the last hour of the content he’s part of, sure. The rest? Bland, boring, unimportant. Elidibus spends most of 2.x just being a bad guy that dresses differently than the others and who is slightly more polite. Then in 3.x he’s just sorta there at times in the background. In 4.x he’s just Zenos. And in 5.x he shows up at the last minute and asks for his close up. He’s the mover and shaker in the background of so many plots, but he’s only still in the background. Where was all this emotion that he’s now showing in 5.3? He wasn’t even like this in 5.2!

I like FFXIV’s story, don’t get me wrong. 5.0 was really, really good. But 5.1 - 5.3 has sorta struggled to move me because it’s been too busy teasing the Exarch’s death and dancing around every single sub-plot concerning the Ascians, the Ancients, the Fourteenth, and your character. Not to mention Zenos and how he’s somehow connected as well. And I’m just worried that a lot of that will never really be explored now. All the Ascians that it concerned are dead, and the new one clearly doesn’t care about any of it.

All of that said, I’d also like to say this. It is.. astonishing how good the dev team has gotten at character animations at this point. The scene back in Revenant’s Toll with the dev team joking about Alisaie not getting a new look was amazing in terms of how the characters moved and their expressions. I really look forward to more of that.

[tracle0]

I’ve had a lot of thoughts recently and haven’t really put them anywhere so I’m gonna just. Dump them all here and hope you enjoy the ride if you chose to come on it. 

I will put it below a cut so if you decide to skip this trip, then you won’t have to scroll.

So first of all, it’s Inktober, which is cool and will keep me occupied until the end of the month. I have been posting the drawings on here, they will be posted in reblogs by week, should you be interested in That. 

After Inktober is obviously NaNo, which has me more hyped than I can say. I get to!!!!!! finally write!!!!! wip4!!!!!!!! 

Which is terrifying!!!!!!!!!!!

I know like. The vague shape of it, yknow? I know most of the stuff that happens in it, but like. How does it start? I think it starts with Mika being pick-pocketed at a train station but I ain’t sure. So that’ll be fun to figure out. 

2019 NaNo - which was DIAS’s year - was very assisted by having a plan written out before everything started. It was basically a chapter summary for every chapter, basically saying what I wanted to write in that chapter. It was handy cause I figured out how to structure (Ant+Leon alternate chapters, Simon gets every 5th chapter) as well as what was roughly gonna happen. At some points I deviated. That is legal. 

That’s a very long way of saying I need to do that again for wip4

Character wise wip4 wise.... mm yeah lotsa thoughts. Lots of little ‘oh start a chapter like this’ thoughts that I need to remember for now. Very fond of thinking about Percival and Abby. They’re gonna be fun. Abby’s gonna be a lot of fun. Percival’s mostly gonna be blankly going along with stuff, until he doesn’t, and then he gets fun.

I think I’ll be good. I’m excited.

I’m double terrified cause I thrive on like... minimal time slots to write in? Like ‘oh five minutes spare during lunch, scribble down some words, then edit as you type them up in the evening’ time slots. It made the NaNotebook something I look back on fondly, as well as keeping me thinking through the day. I don’t do good by having endless time to write, which I’m worried is what’s gonna happen this year. 

Saying that, I’ve been speaking to job people about getting a job, might be able to get one in November, fingers crossed. 

Other news other news - hey do people remember Sonder??? Sonder is a thing, that existed once. I mean, it still does, but I’m not writing it as it is anymore. 

‘Oh that’s very specific phrasing Trade why so specific’ you can blame @joyful-soul-collector for everything I’m about to say. 

So what if Sonder but like... fantasy AU. We take the towns of Sonder and Glalis and make them kingdoms, take the characters and twist them just a bit, take a conflic and see what happens then. 

This would improve. A lot of issues I have with Sonder. First of all, I’m bored of its current plot, so entirely new setting and conflict would be fun. Secondly, it’d fix the POV issue - I had to use Sam as a POV character because she was not infected with The Weird, whereas everyone else was. If the whole thing is fantasy, then The Weird is just life, any POV character would do as long as things are explained. 

This does not mean Sam is being scrapped, it just means she won’t be a POV character. I could use someone else. Say, oh, I don’t know, Andy???? Who, side note, would be a prince. 

Don’t worry it makes me feel as sick as you I’m sure c;

Anyway the main issue with fantasy AU Sonder is I don’t want to write it. I keep coming up with plot to do with it - Atlas being a bastard wizard who thrives on tormenting Andy, they have to go on a quest together to find a cure to a disease that’s struck the lands, oh say that disease comes from the mushrooms in Glalis - but I don’t. Want to write it. 

Yknow what I can do though. Yknow what I’m not too bad at. 

Guys, gals and non-binary pals, I might just make a comic out of this Sonder AU. 

This is very dependent on my interest post-NaNo - so we’ve got like, two months of me stewing on this idea before any canon content will be made. However, I’ve also been stewing on this whole idea for a hecking long time. Thanks, Marko. 

I’ll also make a post about it by itself, and maybe a seperate blog for it, should I decide to pursue this, so if you’re interested... keep your eyes peeled for a taglist or announcement about it.

Beyond that, updates are just about beating myself into doing Stuff again, which I’m glad to report I did, and personal shit, which I don’t share here.

Ciao

[wistfulcynic]

abandon

@kmomof4 I wrote this for your birthday, but since I STRONGLY SUSPECT that you will have many birthday fics to read tomorrow I thought I’d post it early to celebrate you getting your stitches out. Congratulations on being one step closer to a fully functioning hand! Have 6k words of Neverland sex-pollen smut! 🤣🤣

Seriously, though, thank you for being such a great cheerleader for the fandom. Your real-time flails are a highlight for so many writers, and it’s been wonderful seeing you start writing yourself! I am soooo looking forward to what you have planned for CSSNS next year! And of course I personally have loved getting to know you over the past year. You are a lovely person and a great friend, and I wish you the happiest of birthdays (a few hours early) (but it’s already the 15th here, so...) ❤️❤️❤️

Summary: “Neverland sex-pollen smut” pretty much covers it. Set post-Dark Hollow, Emma and Hook get separated from Neal and encounter some unfamiliar flowers. 

(Just to be very clear there is NO dub-con here. It’s not that kind of sex pollen.) 

Words: 6k Rating: E Tags: smut, sex pollen, PWP, Neverland  

On AO3

abandon: 

“What’s that?” Emma pointed to the patch of tall, dark red flowers just to their left. Hook frowned. 

“I don’t know,” he said, the first time he’d ever not had an answer for one of her what-the-actual-fuck-is-the-deal-with-this-nightmare-place questions. 

“You don’t know?” He shrugged. “You don’t know. How many years did you spend here again?”

Hook rolled his eyes. “I’ve told you before that much has changed in Neverland since I left. I never encountered these flowers during my time here. I suggest we steer well clear of them.” 

“Agreed,” said Emma, and turned back to the path… to find more of the flowers waiting for her. “What the—” 

“That bloody demon,” snarled Hook. “He’s playing with us.” 

“What? Why?”

“Who knows why Pan does anything? Just making us dance to his piping is reason enough for him.” His expression was dark, frightening in a way it hadn’t been since before he’d turned his ship around and come back for them. 

He really doesn’t like being manipulated. The stray thought flashed into Emma’s mind and and clung there as Hook gingerly reached out with his namesake to ease the flowers aside so they could continue along the path.

She took a step forward just as the flower caught in the hook seemed to cough and a shower of dust burst forth, covering both of them in a thin, faintly glittering layer. Her eyes flew to his face to check his reaction, ready to gauge the seriousness of the situation based on how he handled it. He seemed fairly calm and not in any obvious distress, she noted with relief, noticing also the way the dust clung to his eyelashes, how it highlighted his bone structure and the scruff along his jaw, how it sparkled in the hollow of his throat and the hair on his chest. 

“God, you’re hot,” she said. 

“Aye, the weather is oppressive here, but that is the least of our concerns—” 

“No.” She felt the oddest desire to laugh. “No, it’s slang, it means… handsome.” She stumbled a bit over the word. “Attractive. Like I want to…” She reached up and brushed her fingertips over his chest, exposed by the open buttons of his shirt. His skin was warm, the hair softer than she’d expected. He caught his breath as she flattened her palm against him and she could feel his heart begin to pound. “I don’t know why I’m doing this,” she whispered. 

“I do.” His voice was deeper than usual, rougher, and angry. “This is Pan’s game. The pollen from the flower must be making you do things you don’t want.” 

“Oh, she wants,” said a taunting voice. They turned to see Pan lounging against a tree, arms crossed over his chest. Emma felt Hook tense, felt his hand come up to curl protectively around her waist. “That’s the point. The pollen doesn’t force you to do anything, it merely amplifies your existing desires. And dulls your inhibitions. Like good rum does. You should be familiar with that, Captain.” 

Hook growled. “How long does it last?” 

“Well you both got a good faceful of it so I’d say three, four hours at least. Have fun.” And with that, he was gone. 

“Curse that wretched bloody child,” snarled Hook as his arm snaked around Emma’s waist, his hand fisting in her hair. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. 

“Why?” She began to press kisses along his jaw, loving the way he shivered at her touch. His head dropped to nestle against her neck and he breathed deeply. 

“Because I shouldn’t—I should let you go.” 

“Do you want to let me go?” she murmured, pulling back to look at him. His eyes were dark and their expression made her thighs clench. 

“No,” he whispered. “I don’t.” 

His eyes fell closed on a soft exhale then as she watched his features shifted and hardened into a leer. When his eyes opened again he was the man who’d left her in Rumplestiltskin’s cell. “Shall I tell you what I want, Swan?” he asked, his voice low and harsh. “I want to rip every scrap of clothing from your body with my hook.” She caught her breath as he snagged the front of her shirt with the appendage in question, then let it trail up her chest to her neck, the point dragging lightly across her skin. “I want to mark you with it, and with my teeth,” he continued, “Marks on your soft skin that will last for days, and every time you see them you’ll think of me and remember what I did to you. I want to push you up against a tree and wrap your legs around my shoulders and I want to bury my face in your wet cunt—” Emma gasped and he smirked, his tongue tracing a glistening path along his lower lip “—and it will be wet, won’t it darling,” he purred, his voice dropping still lower as he leaned in close to her ear. “Positively dripping with how much you want me. I want to lick you, Emma, to tease you with my tongue and my teeth, work you up and hold you just on the edge until you beg me to let you finish, and then I want to thrust my cock up deep inside you and fuck you until you can’t take any more. I want to wreck you, Emma Swan.” 

“You’re trying to shock me,” she said unsteadily, struggling to think over her pounding heart. “Trying to offend me so I’ll leave. But everything you said—” She hesitated, afraid of what this confession would reveal to him but so desperately turned on she was prepared to let him see it. She drew a shuddering breath and went for broke. “That’s what I want too, Hook. I’ve—I’ve had fantasies of you fucking me for a while now.” 

The leer melted away, leaving him looking as wrecked as she felt and he groaned, shaking his head in denial even as he pulled her closer, as his lips traced a damp trail up her neck. “No,” he rasped, his breath hot against her skin. “It’s not what you want, it’s just the pollen making you—” 

He broke off as Emma snapped open the clasps on his vest and pulled his shirt from his trousers, dragging her fingernails across his stomach as soon as it was bared. His skin was smooth and hot and he actually whimpered when she touched it, his muscles leaping beneath her hand and making her dizzy with lust. “You heard Pan, the pollen doesn’t force us to do anything,” she breathed, then leaned in and sucked hard on his collarbone. He wasn’t the only one who could leave marks. “It just takes away our reasons not to.” 

“They’re good reasons, though,” he muttered into her hair as his own hand quested beneath her shirt to close over her breast. His thumb caressed her nipple and his hooked arm was tight around her hips. “I couldn’t bear it if you had regrets… after.” 

“I won’t.” 

“How could you not?” His voice was raw now, and Emma had the fleeting thought that he might be as exposed as she. 

“Hook, please.” She tried to keep the neediness from her own voice. Without success. “I promise I won’t blame you for this, none of it is anyone’s fault but Pan’s, I just—please.” She met his gaze imploringly. “I need you to touch me.” 

He stared at her for a long moment, his eyes boring into her, dark and desperate. Finally, he nodded. “Come with me.” 

He took her hand and pulled her back in the direction of the Dark Hollow, turning just before they reached it and heading down a small hill towards a thick copse of trees. He didn’t hesitate, pushing through the dense foliage and into a clearing where a small pond lay rippling gently in the breeze. 

A breeze. Emma had almost forgotten what they felt like. She sighed and lifted her hair off her neck to let the cool air caress her sweaty skin. Hook watched her with hooded eyes, his hand clenching and unclenching into a fist. 

“Emma,” he said harshly. “Are you sure about this? If you choose to walk away I won’t follow you.” 

His shirt and vest were hanging open, and she could see the rising and falling of his chest as he fought to keep his breathing steady. She could see the effort his restraint was costing him, the sweat trickling down his temple despite the breeze, his eyes so dilated the blue was barely visible. Their kiss the day before had rocked her more than she cared to admit, but she wasn’t sure she was ready for this, ready to deal with her attraction to him or what it might mean. 

And he was giving her an out. He wasn’t lying when he said he wouldn’t follow her but Emma was ashamed to admit to herself that she almost wished he would. If he tried to force her she could push him away, but this—this being the gentleman he always claimed he was… this just made her want him more. 

“I want to fuck you,” she admitted, “I have since the beanstalk. I don’t like this—” she wiped some pollen off her face “—or this stupid game of Pan’s any more than you do, but I want to know what it feels like to be with you.” With sure steps she closed the distance between them, pushed his coat, shirt, and vest off his shoulders in one go then trailed her hands down his chest, letting them come to rest just above the laces of his trousers. He was rock hard beneath those laces, and his breath in her ear was ragged. “Show me what you’ve got, pirate.”

With a growl he pounced and swept her up into his arms, his mouth coming down hard on hers. They kissed frantically, all tongues and teeth and clawing hands; Emma was so caught up in pleasure that she didn’t notice they had moved until she felt rough bark against her back and gasped at the feel of it. 

“I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted you against a tree,” Hook murmured into her mouth. “Or that I’m bloody desperate to taste you. But what do you want, Swan? We have hours to fill, if the demon can be believed.” 

“I—” Emma tried to make herself think. “I—”

“Tell me, love. What shall I do to you?” 

Her head was spinning and her clit ached, and only one thing came to mind. “Just fuck me.” She ground her hips into his. “I just want your cock inside me. We’ll figure out the rest later.” 

“Always so practical, Swan,” he said, sounding almost amused as his hand and hook tore at his trouser laces. “I bloody love that about you.” 

Something fluttered in Emma at those words but she had no time to examine it; she barely had time to kick off her jeans before he was on her again, hoisting her up to wrap her legs around his waist. She threw her arms around his shoulders, gouging his skin with her nails as he buried his hook in the tree just above her head and slid inside her, groaning at the ease of the penetration. 

“I knew you’d be dripping,” he growled in her ear as he thrust into her with deep, hard strokes. “Gods, you feel so bloody good. Better even than I imagined.” 

He felt good too, thick and hard inside her, bigger than she’d imagined and oh yes, she had also imagined it. “You—oh fuck, yes, right there!—you imagined—this?” 

“Darling, I have had the—filthiest fantasies—about you,” he breathed between thrusts. “Shall I tell you—about them? Many involve handcuffs—chains, perhaps—always you spread out beneath me—begging me to let you come—then me beneath you—with the same—plea—” 

The tension was coiling tight in Emma now as his velvet voice roughened by lust wove intoxicating images in her mind. 

“Both—ah, fuck—both sides, then?” 

“I am a very—broad-minded man, love. Now come for me, darling—I know you’re close—come, Emma.” 

Oh, she loved it when he said her name, even more now with his voice so completely wrecked by lust. She clenched around him, thrilling in the way he gasped, how his fingers dug into her thigh. He thrust harder, ground his pelvis against her clit and she came, harder than she could even have imagined possible. 

She thought she may have screamed but she couldn’t be sure. The world was whirling around her, Hook was still moving inside her, still whispering filthy things in her ear—how good she felt squeezing his cock, how he was going to come deep inside her. Then he did, groaning her name into her hair, his cock pulsing as he pressed it into her one final time. 

Emma drifted down slowly from her high, still held against the tree by Hook’s body, still touching him because the influence of the pollen was strong as ever and she wanted to. It was oddly freeing, this permission to do the things she had been dreaming about for far too long, she thought as she combed her fingers through his hair.  

He seemed to feel the same way for a moment later he eased himself out of her, set her gently on her feet, then latched his mouth onto hers like he couldn’t go a second longer without kissing her. He ravished her mouth with a hard, wet kiss then dragged his lips down her neck and along her collarbone, leaving a damp trail with his tongue that caught the chill of the breeze and made her shiver. He couldn’t seem to keep his mouth off her skin, not even looking as he eased the tip of his hook beneath the straps of her shirt and bra and tugged them down to expose her breast. He trailed soft, damp kisses along the curve of it then licked her nipple roughly, and Emma felt lust begin to surge in her again. 

Hook kissed his way down her torso, licking and nipping and sucking over her navel and down to her mound, nuzzling his nose into her curls. She felt the cool curve of his hook on the back of her thigh, gently easing her leg up over his shoulder, spreading her open for him. 

“You smell bloody amazing,” he rasped, and the vibrations of his voice against her skin made her writhe. “Is this okay, love?” 

“Yes!” She pressed herself against his face, hating the desperate eagerness in her voice but damn it, she really wanted to know if he could do more with his tongue than just talk. 

He was as eager as she, growling in approval as he buried his face in her just as he’d promised, licking through her sensitive flesh in a slow, savouring caress that ended with the tip of his tongue pressed hard against her clit. Her hips bucked of their own volition and she moaned loudly. 

“You like that?” he breathed against her.  

“Yes,” she gasped, barely able to force out the word. “More.” 

“As you wish.” 

The strokes of his tongue grew rougher, licking deep through her folds and up inside her then out again to press hard circles against her clit that brought her just to the edge of bliss and held her there, held her taut and tormented as she made helpless pleading noises and clutched at his hair. His hook arm was wrapped around her leg, the sharp tip of it digging into her thigh as his fingers clutched at her ass so tightly they would surely leave bruises. He was as frantic as she, Emma realised somewhere deep in her consciousness. He loved this. 

The thought of that—of Captain Hook on his knees in front of her, barely hanging on as he pleasured her with that smartass mouth of his—sent her careening over the edge. She definitely screamed this time, as waves of pleasure rolled through her and Hook sucked her clit between his teeth to draw them out.

When the last one had faded away he stood, catching her as she swayed on wobbly legs and pinning her to the tree to kiss her, hard and frantic, his tongue deep in her mouth so she could taste herself. She hummed in enjoyment but had no energy left to do much more than let him take what he wanted. 

He broke the kiss just long enough to scoop her up in his arms and then his mouth was on her again, kissing her even as he carried her to the edge of the pond and laid her down a patch of soft, sandy ground. Stretching out beside her, he pulled off the tank top and bra that she was somehow still wearing. His touch was gentle and his movements careful but his cock was hard against her hip and his hand trembled as he eased her legs apart and sank it into her again. She angled her hips to take him in deeper and he groaned when he was fully seated, nipping at her neck as he began to move. He thrust slowly this time, long, deep strokes that kept her body humming despite how sated she felt and she sighed, relaxing into the sand and just enjoying the slick drag of him inside her until he came. 

He collapsed against her, panting breaths hot in the crook of her neck. She wrapped her arms around him and stroked his back, not stopping even when his breathing calmed and his cock softened within her. Neither of them spoke or moved for several long moments, save for her hand on his back and his curling into her hair. Deep in the depths of Emma’s mind a faint voice was screaming that this was too intimate, too tender, too much, but it also felt too damn good and she wasn’t ready to stop. 

—

The last thing Killian wanted to do was move, though he knew eventually he would have to. They couldn’t stay this way forever, however wonderful it felt to have her stretched out beneath him he was probably already crushing her with his weight, and both of them were sticky with sweat and other fluids. Reluctantly, he rolled away and risked a look at her face. She was smiling a soft smile that made his heart ache, and it didn’t fade when she met his eyes. 

“How are you feeling, love?” 

“Good.” She stretched luxuriantly. “Bit sore. Bit sticky.” 

“Aye. Perhaps, ah, you might care for a swim?” 

She glanced dubiously at the pond. “Can we?” 

“We can indeed.” He stood and offered her his hand, pulling her to her feet when she took it and leading her to the edge of the pond. 

“Are you sure this water’s okay?” She eyed it with a suspicious frown between her brows that he wanted to smooth away with his lips. 

So he did. This was the one time he could be free, after all. Free to touch her as he’d wanted to for what felt like a long time. 

She slipped her arm around him when he kissed her forehead, pressing her naked body along the length of his. He nearly groaned, nearly dragged her back down to the sand, but however strong their need to touch each other he didn’t think either of them were ready for another go-round quite yet. 

“It’s perfectly okay,” he said, answering her question. “I used to come here often. There’s something about this place that Pan doesn’t like so he tends to stay away. And the water itself has soothing and healing properties that—well,  come in and see for yourself.” He took her hand again and she let him lead her in until they were about chest deep. Emma swirled and splashed the water around herself and he did the same, enjoying as he was sure she must also be, the cool relief it offered from the heat of the day and the sweat of their earlier activities. 

“It feels great,” she said, smiling the widest smile he’d yet seen on her face, simple and happy. 

Killian felt his heart tumble perilously at that smile and reminded himself forcefully that this was merely an interlude. It was just the effects of the pollen that made her let him in like this; once they wore off her walls would be up again higher and stronger than ever. He still intended to break them down but certainly didn’t relish increased difficulty in this already challenging task. If only he’d been successful in his attempt to resist the pollen’s effects... but he was barely able to keep his hands off her when she wasn’t wrapped around him begging for his cock. He hadn’t stood a chance. 

They went deeper into the pond. When they were neck-deep Killian dunked his head beneath the surface. Emma did the same. Her hair swirled in the gentle current and he watched it, mesmerised.

“How deep is the water?” she asked. 

“Deep enough to swim properly, if you’d like,” he replied, then demonstrated by diving under the surface and swimming a few strokes to his left before coming up again. When he opened his eyes he couldn’t see her but she appeared at his side a moment later, laughing as water streamed down her face and hair. She caught his shoulders and pressed close to him. “I haven’t been swimming in forever,” she said. “I did a bit in Tallahassee, but—” she broke off and a cloud passed over her face. 

“But what?”  

She shook her head. “It’s nothing.” 

“You can tell me, Emma,” he pressed. “Anything.” 

Please, he begged in his mind. Please don’t shut me out. Not now. Later, perhaps, but not—

“Tallahassee was where Neal and I were going to go,” she said in a small, quiet voice. Her fingers tightened on his shoulders and he wrapped his arms around her, careful not to nick her with his hook. It occurred to him that he hadn’t been swimming with a woman since Milah, and he’d had both hands then. Emma allowed him to hug her though, let her own arms slide around his neck. “It was supposed to be like our happy ending, or something.” She tried to sound dismissive but Killian heard the decade-old pain, still in her voice. “After he left me”—Killian’s arms tightened on a flash of anger; he hadn’t known Bae had left her, what was the lad thinking?—“I went there myself. To wait for him. I thought—I thought he’d—but he didn’t, and so I moved again.” 

He brushed her wet hair back from where it was sticking to her cheek, tucked it behind her ear and kissed her. She responded warmly, opened her mouth for him, but he kept the kiss soft, just a gentle brush of lips and tongues. “I’m sorry, love,” he whispered. 

She tried to shrug. “It’s nothin—” 

“It’s not nothing if it hurt you,” he interrupted. “Which it clearly did.” 

She stared at him. “How do you do that?” 

“Do what, love?” 

“How do you always understand me?” 

He smiled, soft and almost shy. “As I told you on the beanstalk, Swan, you’re an open book.” 

“Mmm,” she murmured as her fingertips ruffled the hair at his nape. “And I suppose I said myself that we understand each other.” 

“Aye, so you did.” He let his hand slide down her back and over her ass, pressing her closer against him. 

She hummed and tightened her hold on his shoulders, letting her forehead rest against his—just for a heartbeat—before she leaned back again to look at him, her expression troubled. “Hook, this doesn’t—this can’t—” 

“Shh, darling I know,” he soothed. “We don’t have to speak of it. Not now, anyway. Right now I—” 

“Now you what?” 

“I want to take advantage of it,” he confessed. “This… amnesty, if you will. When the pollen’s effects have worn off we can go back to how things were, but now—” 

She cut him off with her lips on his. “Yeah,” she said softly. “Me too. Amnesty.” 

She kissed him again and this time he let it deepen, let it grow hot and aching until she was clinging to him as the water swirled around them and he was hard again, pressed insistently against her stomach. He lifted her with his hook arm and swam them both to the side of the pond where he knew there was a large, smooth rock tilted at just the right angle to support a resting body. He had lain on it himself on many an occasion to enjoy the peace of this place. He lifted Emma onto it then stretched out beside her and couldn't help smiling when she immediately snuggled up against him, as though she couldn’t get enough of the feel of his skin against hers. 

He understood the impulse. 

He wrapped his hook arm around her shoulders so she could rest her head on it then let his hand explore her body, tracing feather-light touches over her hip and the dip of her waist, up to her breast to tease her nipple, down her belly to the soft curls between her legs, slipping into her folds as she bit her lip and moaned. 

“How do you like to be touched, Emma?” he asked as his fingers stroked her, gathering her moisture and rubbing it over her most tender spot. 

She gave a strained laugh. “I’m surprised you have to ask,” she said breathily. “Everything you do is—fuck—it’s just right.” 

He felt a ridiculous surge of pride at that, but while he’d always made it a point of principle not to leave a woman unsatisfied with Emma he wanted far, far more. “I’m glad to hear that, love, but you could give me a little more to go on?” he insisted. “For example—” he slid a finger into her whilst keeping his thumb on that sensitive pearl. “How does that feel?” 

“Good. Not as… satisfying as your cock, but I like it.” 

“Could you come from this?” He slid a second finger in. “What about this?” 

“Maybe?” she gasped. “If you touched my nipple too—ooh,” she cried as his mouth closed over her breast and he licked her nipple with the flat of his tongue then nipped at it. “Yeah, I could come from that. But—” 

“But what?” 

“I don’t want to,” she confessed, meeting his eyes. “Not until I’ve had my turn.” 

“Your turn?” 

“To taste you.” 

With a quick, lithe twist of her body she flipped him onto his back and straddled his hips, clutching at his shoulders as she leaned in to kiss him. He reached for her but she shimmied away and down his body, trailing kisses as she went. Killian sighed at the feel of her mouth on his skin, absently licking his fingers—she really did taste amazing, he thought—then nearly choked on them when he felt her lips closing around his cock. 

“Sweet bloody fuck, Emma,” he groaned. 

“Hmm?” she hummed, and he hissed out a more vicious curse as the vibrations of her voice made his balls tighten. He sank his hand into his hair and clutched it hard, tugging at it to distract himself from the soft, wet warmth of her mouth as she began to suck on him... from the gentle friction as she moved her head up and down... from her tongue swirling around his tip.   

Pleas and curses fell heedlessly from his lips as gradually she eased him deeper and deeper into her mouth, until he was hitting the back of her throat and his scalp was aching from his fist pulling on his hair. Until he couldn’t hold off any longer. 

“Emma,” he gasped. “I’m going to—” 

“Mmm,” she hummed again and took his balls in her hand, squeezing them gently as she sucked his cock hard. Killian interpreted this as consent, and with a strangled noise he barely recognised as his he came in her mouth, his hips bucking helplessly. She swallowed around him until he was spent, then licked the last drops away with the tip of her tongue. He gave a garbled moan. 

She slid back up his body and lay against his chest, her chin resting on her hands and a smug little smile on her lips. 

“So I'm guessing you liked that, huh?” 

“You are… a bloody goddess, Swan,” he panted.  

“I just like having the fabled Captain Hook at my mercy,” she teased. 

She had no idea how true that was, he thought. He was beginning to suspect that there was nothing he wouldn’t do for this woman. 

And so much he longed for from her. 

“Would you do something for me?” he heard himself ask. 

“Didn’t I just—” she broke off when she caught his solemn expression and the teasing smile fell from her own. “What is it?”

“Would you—” he took a deep breath “—would you call me Killian? Just until…” 

He could see in her eyes she understood everything he meant by the question. 

“Killian,” she said softly. “It’s a good name.” 

He pulled her up into his arms and kissed her, deep and soft and far too tenderly, but between the pollen and their bare bodies pressed together and the fact that she’d just sucked him to oblivion and the fact that he was falling in love with her—may have already fallen, if he was honest—he couldn’t hold the tenderness back. Her arms curling tight around him, her lips and tongue pressing and sliding softly against his were the best things he’d felt in three hundred years—and far too soon they would be gone. The pollen’s effects were already fading; before long he and Emma would be back to how they had always been, if not worse. She would pull away from him, retreat back behind walls rebuilt high and strong, and Killian wasn’t sure his battered heart could take it. Now that he’d had Emma soft and open in his arms he wasn’t sure he could live without at least a scrap of hope that he might have her like that again. 

Emma began to make that humming noise at the back of her throat that he now recognised as a sound of pure pleasure, her arms tightening around him, her hand sinking into his hair and combing the drying strands with her fingers. Killian’s heart clenched and his chest tightened with the anguish of impending loss. He rolled them over so she was on her back on the warm stone and gazed down at her, fixing the image of her face—of that look on her face—firmly in his mind. Water from the pond lapped against their feet as her hands roamed his body and he began to trail soft kisses down her neck, savouring her sighs of pleasure and the salty-sweet taste of her skin. He found a sensitive spot just at the curve where her neck met her shoulder and he nuzzled it, sucked and nipped at it until she was gasping and quivering.

"Killian," she breathed, "Killian."

He groaned helplessly at the sound of his name and the press of his fingers on her skin grew more insistent. Every inch of her body he explored with impassioned strokes of fingers and tongue; every spot that made her moan he worshipped. He’d give her something to remember him by, he thought almost viciously—something to warm her on those cold nights alone behind her walls. Memories that would last far longer than the marks left by his mouth on her skin.

Memories that might weaken her fortifications, just enough to give him hope. 

—

Emma couldn’t think and she was glad of it. If she could think she’d be thinking about how right this felt, with Ho—with Killian worshipping her... there was no other word for it... with his mouth and his fingers and even his hook, trailing the cool metal along her heated skin as she sighed and shivered and fought not to beg. And if she thought about how right it all felt she’d be terrified and she’d run. And if she ran... she would miss all of this. 

They didn’t speak and she was glad she couldn’t think about how that was because no words were necessary. Her body was so responsive to his touch and he was so intensely focused on her—noting every sigh and charting every moan and working her up higher and higher until she felt ready to shatter. She felt like he was mapping her as he must have mapped many undiscovered lands in his time, and she knew that if they ever found themselves like this again he would remember everything about her body and how she liked to be touched. 

It was unnerving and exciting and terrifying and wonderful and if she let herself she could get addicted to this, this dedicated attentiveness and single-minded focus on her pleasure. She wouldn’t, of course. Emma knew herself well enough to know this, to know that once the already-fading effects of the pollen were gone she would push him away as she always did, too afraid to let him in—to let him see all the broken parts of her despite how she knew that he was broken too in exactly the same ways. 

But for now she had an excuse to let herself be open, to have him like this, to give herself over to him and let him pleasure her, and she wished fiercely for enough time to take full advantage of it.

But the pollen’s effects were fading fast and her fears creeping back in to take their place. There was desperation in her fingers now as they gripped his shoulders and pulled him up to kiss him and press herself tightly against him. She wanted to feel him inside her once more before this was over, just once more, but she couldn’t find the words to tell him…

“Please, Killian…” she implored him, “please…” 

He understood—because of course he did—and she saw the flare of emotion in his eyes as she moaned his name, just before he kissed her again. His hand curled around her thigh, lifting and positioning it over his hip as she reached down to grip his cock and stroke the head of it through her slick folds before slipping its tip inside her. Their eyes met and held as he pushed in the rest of the way and god it was too intimate and too raw and she couldn’t deal with what she saw in his eyes but also couldn’t look away. She dug her heel into his ass and her fingers into his shoulders as he found their rhythm, as he filled her again and again with smooth, hard, deep thrusts and helpless moans fell from both their lips. 

Far, far too soon she felt her orgasm coiling in her belly and she wished, just for a moment, that she could hold it off and keep him here with her for longer. Just a bit longer... But everything just felt too damn good, he felt too good, and she couldn’t stop it, couldn't hold on to what she wasn't ready to let go. She cried out his name as she came—something she had never done before in all her life, but she wanted Killian to know that she knew it was him and not Hook that she was with. The sound he made in response was almost agonised; his fingers gouged painfully into her thigh as he drove himself into her with bone-shaking force then came moments later with a heartfelt groan, deep within her body. Emma lay trembling and gasping beneath him; she felt sore and roughly used and she welcomed it, welcomed the gouging fingers and the hard fucking and the bruises both would leave behind. She knew it meant he understood, and that was all that she could give him. 

They lay entwined for as long as they could, until the strengthening breeze made goosebumps rise on their skin and they pulled apart, not looking at each other. Killian cleared his throat. “You should make use of the pond to bathe,” he said. “It’s the best place on the island to do so. The water is soothing and cleansing even without soap.” 

She nodded and slipped into the water, into its welcome softness on her over-sensitised skin and though her sweaty hair. Killian followed her with a smooth dive. He surfaced in the middle of the pond to rub himself down before heading towards the sandy shore where they had left their clothes. Emma followed his lead, rubbing her hands vigorously over her skin and thoroughly rinsing her hair. Killian was right about this pond, she thought. She felt cleaner than she had in days, refreshed and invigorated. 

Even if the water easing away the soreness between her legs made her want to cry. 

—

He watched her warily as they dressed, waiting for her to pull away as she had after their first kiss. Waiting for recriminations and blame. 

“I’m not angry,” she said, not looking at him. “And I don’t regret this. But I think—there’s still Henry to save, and I can’t—” She sighed and squeezed water from her hair with a sharp twist of her arm. “Look, don’t misunderstand, but can we just pretend this never happened?” 

He echoed her sigh, but his was in relief. This, at least, was no worse than he'd expected. “Aye, love. It never happened.” 

She nodded, glanced just briefly at his face then spun away, heading for the edge of the clearing. Before she could reach it he darted forward and snagged her elbow with his hook. She didn’t turn around. 

“I still intend to win your heart, Emma,” he murmured, low in her ear, and just enough of the pollen’s effects remained to make her smile at the earnestness in his voice. 

“Good.” 

Hope lit his eyes as she curled her fingers around his hook and held it tightly as they left the clearing together. 

—

“You see?” gloated Pan. 

Neal didn’t reply. His fists and jaw were clenched so tightly they hurt, his eyes fixed on the image of the pirate and the saviour as it shimmered and faded from the still surface of the pool at his feet.

He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, trying to shake the images from his brain. Images of Emma falling apart in Hook’s arms, screaming his name as she came... he doubted he’d ever be able to scrub them from his brain. What was it about that damned pirate that made women ready to throw everything away just to fuck him? Sure, Emma said she wanted to forget about it but then she held the bastard’s hook…

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “It was just those flowers. Emma and I have a history, we have a kid. She’ll see. He doesn’t mean anything to her.” 

“Sure. You keep telling yourself that,” smirked Pan. 

[witwerlove]

What do you think about Deacon and Sarah's relashionship in days gone? I personally think that it's the cutest love story ever, like, imagine live your live thinking the love of your life is dead and then you find out she's not.

First off, I am really sorry that I am answering this over 2 months late. I actually started writing my response awhile back and it turned into a long rambling mess because I was in my feelings. But then I forgot about it and life just got so busy and stressful.

But here it is, if you or anyone is interesting in reading it. I may have gotten a little too caught up in it it, but it is what it is :)

_______________________________________

I LOVE DEACON AND SARAH!!!!!!! Their relationship is one of my favorite things in Days Gone, but I do have my gripes about them. I think there should’ve definitely been more development between them. I mean we got their “meet cute” and glimpses of their relationship, but since it was mostly via flashbacks and in pieces, it felt very….underdeveloped to me. I understand it’s not the main focus of the story, but it’s definitely a driving point of the narrative for Deacon. I just enjoy my ships having complete sequential narratives, rather than broken pieces that jump around and only give me brief glimpses of the relationship. 

But I get it, the structure of video game story telling is completely different than tv shows and movies that get the luxury of telling a developing story over the span of many hours (or over the span of years). I’m not really a gamer so I feel like that’s the wrong mindset to have by…not necessarily penalizing the writing of a video game, but being aware that there’s going to be an obvious difference in story framing for different types of media.

However….outside of the narrative structure (or lack of), I really did enjoy Deacon and Sarah’s relationship for what it is. It definitely exceeded my expectations in the fact that Sarah played a much more significant role than I ever thought she would. She wasn’t heavily featured in the marketing for the game, so I just assumed she was just going to be a device for Deacon’s broody man pain. I expected her to be killed by or because of whatever caused people to turn to freakers. But that wasn’t the case at all. I will admit that Deacon’s optimism of Sarah still being alive after everything that happened was one of the best things about the character. His resolve and determination is very admirable.

Because even though the world had fallen to shit, that hope was what had driven him to survive for as long as he did. But in a way, it could also be seen as as a weakness because in a way it felt like a crutch. I think back to the scene when Deacon and Boozer get into a physical fight and Boozer says “Where’s your old lady, Deek?” and Deacon replies “She’s dead, Boozer.” And Boozer says “She’s been dead a long time. So don’t you think that you’ve mourned her long enough?” That exchange really struck me because it showcases the difference between the characters of Deacon and Boozer. Which is kinda irrelevant to this subject, but it shines light on how strong Deacon’s love for Sarah was….versus how insensitive Boozer was (or came off to be) to his friend’s emotional attachment of his wife. And it was also sad to see Deacon admit defeat. Because he’d been going on all these quests seeking any bit of information on finding Sarah alive, only for it to lead to nothing (until it doesn’t). Because that optimism kept her alive in his heart and he didn’t want to admit to failure by having to face the tragic truth of his loss. That’s no way meant to be an insult to Boozer by the way. I love him and the Deacon/Boozer relationship is actually my favorite in the game.

But I do have to say, at first I honestly wanted Sarah to actually be dead. I thought that would’ve had a much greater emotional impact on Deacon and it just seemed to fit the story better in my eyes. When it reveals that she’s alive, I was so disappointed when I first saw it. But now that I’ve had time to digest the story and sit on it for awhile, I’ve had a change of mind. I think the reason it disappointed me so much at first is because the reveal and their reactions to seeing each other again after so long felt so underwhelming to me. Sarah is a key element of what was driving the story. 

And while the fact that she was alive was not what I expected (or initially wanted), the reveal of it was extremely underwhelming the first time I saw that scene. But I think that’s due to buildup of my own expectation. That if Sarah was alive and Deacon found her, I wanted it to be a more “fairytale-esque” reunion where boy and girl fall into each other’s arms and kiss and cry because I’m such a hopeless romantic in that way. But I‘ve since rewatched their reunion scene and I changed my mind because that element just doesn’t work in this setting at all. In fact, it was beautiful the way it is. Because it’s more realistic. Obviously their story isn’t going to pick up right where it left off. Yes, they’re still in love with each other, but there’s been a lot of time and trauma between them that it would’ve been more satisfying to me if there had been more awkwardness and tension between them. And they’d have to sort of relearn everything about each other because they’ve probably undergone personality changes from having to adapt to the way they world is when they reunite versus how they were when they left each other. 

In the grand scheme of things, what happened in game much more enjoyable than if it had been all sunshine and rainbows between them like I’d wanted to in my own personal fantasy.

But because we are seeing the game through Deacon’s eyes (and because there’s a time skip between flashbacks and present time), we don’t get to see how Sarah coped being separated from her husband and how she came to terms with Deacon’s “death”. When they were alone and she let her guard down, she kept repeating that Deacon is dead and he’s supposed to be dead because she’d obviously moved on with her life, as opposed to him still holding out hope and actively searching for her. Their kiss in that scene was perfect because she’s the one that initiates it. Sarah being alive feels more satisfying to me now because with Deacon being the point of view character for the story, it’s like a…..reward? Like how at long last, the consistency and longevity of his hope that she wasn’t dead and will to find her was worth something. How even though everything was against him and everyone, including his best friend and perhaps even Sarah herself because she herself had given up on him, wanted him to give up on her still being alive. 

Going back to what I said about it not being all “sunshine and rainbows”, I greatly appreciate the fact that they don’t jump right back in to the romance like nothing happened in those 2 years they were apart. Deacon tried to do just that when he takes Sarah’s hand and attempts to whisk her away from the camp being the “romantic hero” (maybe he wasn’t thinking that highly of himself, but the archetype weirdly fits that perspective), but she refuses. Deacon obviously had a “hopeless romantic” outlook on the situation’s outcome. It’s nice to see when that side of him comes out. But it just makes me wonder if he ever daydreamed about finding Sarah, being the hero rescuing her from danger, and they’d ride off in the sunset together picking up where their story left off. And in the end we eventually do get that “fairytale ending” for them, but not without bumps in the road. Mainly their difference in ideology is what creates tension and distance between them. But in the end, it’s almost as if they fell in love with each other all over again. And it was beautiful.

I also have to point out that the chemistry between Sam and Courtnee Draper is beyond beautiful and everything that makes Deacon and Sarah’s relationship worth being invested in. It’s not a bland and boring run of the mill seen it all before heterosexual romance that I initially thought it was going to be. I thought Sarah more or less was just going to be a footnote in Deacon’s story. A tragedy in his life that shaped him into the cynical person hardened by harsh life experiences. A part of his backstory. And yes, all that *IS* true, but Sarah was so much more. She is a very important piece to the narrative. You put the pieces together and she is in fact the true catalyst to the main story of how the freaker virus was created and spread. Deacon takes the audience to Sarah, but she is probably the most important character because she and her occupation is what establishes the conflict and is the driving point of the narrative (and Deacon’s motivation) up until the point that he finds her.

All in all, Deacon and Sarah’s relationship is so much more complex than I initially thought. And now that I’ve processed some thoughts and put things into perspective, I love and appreciate it more than I did before now.

I did not expect this to turn into some kind of essay analyzing their relationship, but once I started writing, I couldn’t stop. Mostly because I’ve kept my deep thoughts about Days Gone to myself and haven’t really expressed anything in lengthy detail. So it just came spewing out of me. 

But it really helped me put my thoughts into perspective and I enjoyed writing this. I hope it all makes sense. Thank you for the thought provoking question that I’ve completely spiraled. And I’m sorry it took me so long to reply. My love for Deacon and Sarah has grown so much more now. I hope there will be a sequel that’ll hopefully deliver more on my shipper’s pipe dream of romance between them. Or there can be more angst. I’m down for that too. :)

[latter-day-saint-nick]

Here‘s a list of all the books with queer protagonists I’ve read this year. While I do actively seek those out, there are several books on here that I didn’t know had queer themes when I picked them up from the library and then I was pleasantly surprised by lesbians. I‘ll avoid spoilers except when discussing trigger warnings.

 Kaleidoscope Song by Fox Benwell

Neo, a South African teenager, is obsessed with music of any kind. Her love of music brings her together with the singer of a local band and they have a passionate relationship that they must keep secret. The descriptions of Neo‘s life and her tendency to hear music in everything are beautiful and dynamic. The author included a list of the songs Neo is listening to throughout the book, so I was introduced to a lot of cool music from South Africa and other places. TW: Corrective rape and Bury Your Gays. This is a book by a queer (albeit white British, rather than black South African) author writing about a very real problem that exists within our communities, so it feels different to when a cishet author kills off a queer character just for shock value. I still can‘t help feeling that he could have made the same point without having the character die – just have her be injured. Still, I loved pretty much everything else about the book, so it gets a tentative recommendation from me.

The Mermaid’s Daughter by Ann Claycomb

25-year-old opera student Kathleen tries to cope with the constant pain in her feet, nightmares about having her tongue cut out, and desperate yearning for the sea. With the help of her girlfriend Harry she delves into her family history to uncover the secret of a curse spanning generations of women. What’s nice about this book is that Kathleen and Harry’s relationship is accepted by all their family and friends without question, so if you want to read a nice wlw fantasy story with no homophobia, this one’s for you. TW: Some discussion of suicide, but nothing too graphic.

The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth

A teenage lesbian is sent to conversion therapy by her religious aunt. This is basically a coming-of-age story as the title character comes to terms with her identity and the death of her parents. It’s considered an important work of LGBT YA literature, so I really wanted to like it more than I did. Most of the first half of the novel deals with Cameron’s everyday life in her small town in Montana, which was, to be honest, rather boring to me. The pace of the story picks up a bit once she gets sent to conversion therapy, but even then it’s slower and less eventful than I would have liked. But since it is a popular book, that’s probably just me. I did like that the two best friends she makes at the therapy camp are a disabled girl and an indigenous boy, two types of people that are not often represented in queer fiction, so that’s something. TW: Conversion therapy and self-harm.

Proud by Juno Dawson

This is a collection of poems and stories about queerness aimed at a YA audience, and each one is a pure delight! These stories detail moments of joy and pride that make you feel happy and hopeful about being queer. They include a high school retelling of Pride and Prejudice with lesbians, a nonbinary kid and his D&D group on a quest to disrupt the gender binary at their school, a magical phoenix leading a Chinese girl to find love, and gay penguins. All stories, poems and illustrations are by queer writers and artists. Seriously, I cannot recommend this collection enough!

Spellbook of the Lost and Found by Moïra Fowley-Doyle

An Irish magical realist story about three girls who perform a spell to find things that they have lost. The spell appears to have wider consequences than they expected, bringing to light things that should have stayed lost. This book has three narrators, two of whom are wlw. It treads a nice line between fantasy and reality, and has some pretty good plot twists. Also, there’s a crossword at the end, which is awesome. More books should come with crosswords.

Ancillary Justice, Ancillary Sword and Ancillary Mercy by Ann Leckie

A space opera trilogy set in the distant future about the embodiment of a ship’s AI who seeks revenge against the ruler of a colonialist empire who destroyed her ship and killed her beloved captain. This is not beginner’s sci-fi, as it is very complex and intricate, but if you’re fine with a bit of a heavier read, you’ll be rewarded with some very interesting concepts. What makes this series queer is that the Raadch empire has no concept of gender and uses female pronouns for everyone. This makes every romantic relationship queer by default, whether we are aware of the characters’ sexes or not. I found it particularly enjoyable when Breq, the protagonist, tried to communicate in different languages that have gendered pronouns, which she had to navigate carefully in order not to offend people. She tries to look for outward clues of gender, such as hairstyles, chest size, facial hair or Adam’s apples, but even then often gets it wrong, because these things are not always consistent. That is just a great depiction of how arbitrary ideas of binary sexual characteristics tend to be. Also, I guess technically Breq is aroace, but since she’s not human, I’m not sure if she can be considered the best representation, though she is a very likeable character that I enjoyed following.

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue and The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee

These books are a lot of fun! They’re historical adventure stories with a bit of fantasy thrown in, featuring disaster bisexual Henry Montague, his snarky aroace sister Felicity and his best friend Percy whom he is secretly in love with. In the first book, the three teenagers are sent on a tour of Europe for various reasons, but they quickly abandon the planned route when they get embroiled in a plot involving theft and alchemy. The second book details Felicity’s further attempts to become a doctor, which leads her to reunite with an old friend and chase a tale of fantastical creatures.

The Spy with the Red Balloon by Katherine Locke

Technically I read this one late last year, but whatever. I just wanted to put it on the list to have an excuse to talk about it. It’s about two Jewish siblings with magic powers who are recruited during World War II to take part in a secret project to fight the Nazis. Both siblings turn out to be queer: the brother is gay and demisexual, while the sister is bisexual, and they each have a love interest. This book is an independent prequel to The Girl with the Red Balloon, which takes place in East Berlin during the time of the Wall, and is just as good, albeit not as gay.

We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia

This book tends to be classified as fantasy, because it takes place in an alternate, Latin-American-inspired world, with a distinct history, culture and religion, but there’s no magic at all, so I’m not sure it counts. But I digress. The country of Medio is built on classism and acute xenophobia. But by hiding her status as an illegal immigrant, Daniela, a girl from a poor background, manages to rise to the top of her class at her elite finishing school and become the first wife of one of the most powerful young men in the country. But her new comfortable status is threatened when she is pressured to join a group of rebels who fight for equality. At the same time, she also finds herself falling for her husband’s second wife. Obviously, this book’s political message is very topical, but beyond that, it’s just a very good story, with a well fleshed-out fictional world and great characters. This is the first in a series, with the sequel, We Unleash the Merciless Storm, coming out in February.

All Out: The No Longer Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages by Saundra Mitchell

A very nice collection of short stories about various queer teenagers in different historical settings, from a medieval monastery to an American suburb on New Year’s Eve in 1999. Most of the stories are realist, but there are a few ghosts and witches to be found in-between. What I found particularly notable about this book is that it featured several asexual characters, which you don’t often see in collections like this. I definitely recommend it.

Under the Udala Trees by Chinelo Okparanta

This is a thoughtful, heart-warming life story about a woman growing up during the civil war in Nigeria. After Ijeoma, a Christian Igbo girl, is sent away from home, she finds her first love in Amina, a Muslim Hausa. Even after they are found out and separated, Ijeoma doesn’t quite understand what’s so shameful about their love. Still, as she grows older, she attempts to fit into a heteronormative society while also connecting with the things and people that make her happy. TW: Homophobic violence, including an attack on a gay nightclub. The novel makes up for this by having a remarkably happy ending.

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley

A young man in Victorian London finds a mysterious watch on his pillow, with no idea how it got there. This sets into motion a strange series of events, which leads him to a lonely Japanese watchmaker, to whom he finds himself increasingly drawn. This is an unusual novel that treads the line between historical fiction, fantasy and sci-fi. Most of the characters are morally grey and have complex motivations, but are still likable. I just really enjoy stories that take place in this time period, particularly when they are this thoughtfully written and don’t just take the prejudices of the past for granted.

If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo

A YA book about a transgender teenager, written by a transgender author. After her mother decides that she is not safe in her hometown anymore, high school senior Amanda moves in with her dad in a town where nobody knows her and she can try to go stealth. But even as she is making friends and experiencing romance for the first time, she constantly worries about what will happen if her secret comes out. It’s a fairly standard story about being transgender, really, but as it comes from a trans author, it feels a lot more personal and less voyeuristic than these stories tend to be when coming from a cisgender perspective. Amanda is a sympathetic and compelling character. TW: This book deals with a number of upsetting themes, including transphobic violence, being forcibly outed and suicide. There is a flashback to Amanda’s pre-transition suicide attempt, which I found particularly triggering. I also wish she could have come out on her own terms, instead of being outed in front of the whole school by someone she thought she could trust. It is still a pretty good book, but it can be very upsetting at times.

As I Descended by Robin Talley

A loose retelling of Macbeth that takes place in a boarding school in Virginia and involves two queer couples. The supernatural elements of the play are amplified in a wonderfully creepy way, and the characters are complex and realistic, so you understand their motivations, even when they do bad things. TW: Out of the five queer characters in the novel, three die, two of them by suicide.

A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo by Jill Twiss and EG Keller

A charming picture book about the Vice President’s pet bunny who falls in love with another boy bunny and wants to hop around at his side for the rest of his life. This book was written as a screw you to Mike Pence, but even so it is a genuinely nice kid’s book that deals with homosexuality and marriage equality in a way that is appropriate for young children. The illustrations are incredibly cute as well.

Palimpsest by Catherynne M. Valente

A very strange, surreal tale about four people (most of whom are queer in some way) exploring a magical city that you can enter in your dreams by sleeping with someone who has been there before. I wanted to like this one more than I did, because I really love Catherynne Valente’s Fairyland books for children. But while some of the dreamlike imagery is cool and pretty, I found a lot of it weirdly uncomfortable, along with the frequent sex scenes.

The Pearl Thief by Elizabeth Wein

15-year-old Julia is home for the summer at her parents’ ancestral mansion in Scotland and gets involved with a plot about theft, disappearance and possibly murder. She also has her first crushes – on a man working at her parents’ estate and a young Traveller girl, respectively. This is a prequel to Code Name Verity, which has the same protagonist, though her bisexuality isn’t really alluded to in that, which is why I’ve kept it off the list, even though it is an excellent book. The Pearl Thief is pretty good as well, though it is a bit strange to read after you’ve already read Verity and know that this carefree teenage character is going to grow up to be a spy in World War II and be tortured in a Nazi prison. Do read both books, though. They are great.

Gut Symmetries by Jeanette Winterson

A young scientist falls in love with the wife of the man she’s having an affair with. There’s speculation about quantum mechanics and interconnectedness, all wrapped in very poetic language. To be perfectly honest, I really didn’t get it, so I have no idea what any of it means. But at least the main character is bisexual and polyamorous (and possibly genderfluid – I’m not sure).

Queer Africa by Makhosazana Xaba and Karen Martin

A collection of short stories by queer African writers, discussing themes like love, sex, marriage, family and homophobia. The attitudes towards queerness in these different countries varies. In many of them, homosexuality is illegal, even though same-sex relationships used to be respected before the interference of Western colonialism. In any case, these stories are an interesting and oftentimes beautiful examination of queerness from a non-Western point of view, some joyous and some tragic. TW: The second to last story is about incest.