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#I did not do anything different than what I do for every post I make?
vrystalius · 3 days
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HELLOOO! Can you write a kokoshibo x reader were the reader kissed him out of no where and then it gets kinda heated (THEY START MAKING OUT)! No smut! Just suggestive 🙏 TY IF YOU DO MY REQUEST
Surprise kiss
You just wanted to tease your husband a little during his meditation by kissing his nose.
Pairing: Kokushibo x gn!reader
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He has been mediating all day and night now. What is he even thinking about? Is Kokushibo thinking about anything at all? Or is he brooding about something? You never knew the difference, his face always remains the same. What does he look like when he’s happy, sad or angry? Well, you’ve seen him get angry before, or at least mildly infuriated at Douma’s antics. But today, you decided to find out what his face looks liar when he gets surprised by your sweet, sweet affections!
You slowly crouched towards the kneeling form of , trying to catch any movement in his expression. You’re really praying that Kokushibo is not sensing your presence or else you might be met with his judgmental stare. You know that one very well. Finally, you lunged at him and peppered his face in light kisses, giggling a little. He let out a small confused grunt, instinctively wrapping his hands around your waist.
“What is the meaning of this?”
His voice was a little deeper than usual and Kokushibo had his lower and upper eyes still closed. His expression was unsurprisingly, again, unmoving and unimpressed. Although you swore you saw a flicker of amusement in his eyes, but he did not seem flustered or even surprised at all… So much for wanting to see a different expression on his face. Your smile started to drop and you pouted at him.
“I just wanted to surprise you.”
He nodded and continued to look unimpressed. His arms were still steadily wrapped around your waist, his grip started to get a little tighter, pulling you a little closer onto his lap.
“You managed to achieve that.”
Kokushibo’s voice dropped by an octave, his lips hovering right over yours. He firmly grabbed your chin and angled your face for him. Your breath hitched for a moment when you felt his cold lips on yours. His hand moved downwards to your neck, his fingers grazing against the delicate nape of your skin, silently asking for permission for something. He slowly pulled away from your lips with his eyes half hooded. A small smirk spread on his lips.
“May I?…”
Your small nod told him everything he needed to know. Kokushibo slowly leaned in, his teeth grazing the fragile skin on his neck. He placed a couple light kisses before finally gently biting down. Pain washed over you but was quickly followed by a wave of excitement and something similar to pleasure. The demon hummed loudly at the taste of your sweet blood on his lips, his hands slowly rubbing up and down your sides. You felt your husband shudder a little in your arms before pulling away. Your blood was slowly dripping down his chin. He wiped it off with his sleeve.
“Divine. You are truly divine.”
Finally, you noticed how dazed his expression looked. All six of his eyes are closed and his lips curved into a small, almost unnoticeable smirk. Kokushibo’s expression looked satisfied, seemingly content with the taste of your blood on his tongue. You’re actually quite familiar with that expression, you’ve seen it a couple times during certain activities.
“It’s hard to resist and bite you again. You are testing my self-control. Again.”
💠
Thank you for requesting and so sorry it took so long! By the way, I’ll be going on a three day class-trip tomorrow and I’m not sure if I’ll find the energy or time to write anything, but I’ll try to write something in advance and just edit and post it every day! Hope you understand and enjoy them! And thank you for your continued support, we’re almost at 400 followers and I only started posting/writing a month ago. I’m surprised how well my things are being perceived and I’m forever grateful for all of you! <3
Anyways, make sure to EAT, SLEEP and DRINK enough!!
And really, really take care of yourselves. Remember that you are important!
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nthspecialll · 1 day
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Bill Williamson shaped by an army knife
(This post is a casual explanation(ish), not meant to defend but rather explore and discuss Bill Williamson's character and how it is shaped by the army, it has also been sensitivity and proof read by a native to ensure that I did not accidently word anything in a way that would hurt the native community)
As many knows, Bill Williamson was in the army, and if you look closer you can see the many different ways in which it formed him, the ways in which a constantly stressful envioment filled with death shaped the person he is.
I am going to mention the one thing that stood out to me first, racism. Now hang on when I say this, he isn't, he is not racist, but you know what he is? A parot who got fed words and repeats them. And why would I say that? Do I have evidence? Yes.
The two characters we see Bill go after is Javier and Lenny, he calls Lenny "boy" and says "come over here!" or "I don't like your attitude", meanwhile with Javier he straight up calls him a slur. But something to notice is that Bill praises both of those characters at other times. Bill calls Lenny "son" and yells to everyone about how amazing he is and the proud almost fatherly instrict is oozing. With Javier there is a similar interaction where he is drunk and he is yapping Sean's ear off about how amazing Javier is.
We do not see that with Micah (That I can find), the only possitive thing Micah says to either of them is "you aren't so bad, for a greaser". Another thing to point out is that Micah is constantly belittling both Lenny and Javier, saying things like "you can write and everything, unusual for one of you. Oh you know, hoodlums," Bill does not, he does not belittle them.
So why would he say such things? Because he was angry, and why would he say that because he is upset?
Bill was in the army, common knowledge, uncommon (or at least commonly forgotten) is the fact that he fought the American Indian War. He did not fight other white people, he fought the native americans, and they were scary. He tells that story himself in a camp interaction, talking about how scary it was, and I do think he was frightened and not just empty words as he at the end jumps at the sound of a neighing horse.
Bill saw people get murdered, he saw his friends get slaughtered and he was told by the army to turn that anger towards the natives. The army implimented racist ideologies to excuse the genocide they were making and to rile their armies.
I often think of the line between Bill and Dutch where Bill says "I saw things!" and Dutch says "I am sure you do! But I don't think you could understand it" and I think that is spot on. Bill saw his friends dying, he saw his comrades dying, people he was likely as close to as he was the VDL gang (I will return to that later) dying. All he saw were these people murdering his friends, not that those people were fighting for their right to exist, and for every body the army framed it all on the natives, that it was all their fault, without mentioning anything that the army was doing to the natives.
The only times Bill acts out in a racist manner is when he is angry and he is often angry at himself, but he has always been told that when he is angry he should direct it towards people of color by the army, so he does. He does not believe it, but he does it anyways. There are a few times, like in the camp interactions mentioned, where he is not angry, but that is simply the brainwash that the army put him under to justify killing. He is saying those things because he has been told to.
He says the words but they seem empty as his actions are more supportive of his friends than anything.
Another thing I noticed is how protective he is of the gang, not just of Dutch, but the gang, even though he is painted as lazy, many times he is not, especially when it comes to protection. I often see him standing at the edge of camp even when he is off guard, and in that one camp interaction where strangers find camp, he is there, he is watching over them, in the Valentine robbery he was also smart enough to know to bring backup, he knew that if things were to go wrong, he needed to have someone there, Arthur.
Now some people are going to come and say "Oh but he didn't realise the security job was a trick," no, he did not, do you know who also did not? Dutch, Lenny, Karen, characters whom it was mentioned in front of. The only ones who did realise were Arthur and Sean, and despite Bill trying to throw the blame off himself at first, he does blame himself, there are interactions of him saying he blames himself for Sean's death. Similarly when Angelo Bronte offers up money, he is not planning to take it, he is making sure no one else is, I got a whole post on that.
One of the other things about Bill, is that people say he did not care when Lenny died. I do think he did, he has so many camp interactions where he is calling Lenny son, being proud of him and so on, but I do think that the army got to him there too. When in battle people die, people die often and you cannot stop because they do, no matter how much you loved that person, if you are on an open battle field charging towards the enemy, you do not have time to stop.
When in the army you are expected to be a tough manly dude, in chapter six Arthur can ask if Bill is okay and he never gives a real answer, instead he shifts the convosation away. Bill believes he is not allowed to show weakness because doing so in the army was not allowed, anything unmanly was not allowed. I do also believe that is where he gets his fucked up realtionship with his sexuality (I am not even going to explain why I think of him as queer, I do believe others are able to see if, but also if anyone says "No he aint!" that is a fair opinion but the va does hc him to be queer), wanting to flirt (or at least befriend) Kieran but not knowing how to without coming off as unmanly.
Returning to how he would care for the army friends he made, is how he ended after he got thrown out. Bill says his biggest fear as a kid was to be an alcoholic and look at where he ended up. He even says he completely lost himself after the army, that Dutch "saved Bill Williamson."
Well even if it was not everyone whom he liked, there was at least one person. If we look at his letter from the army, he is thrown out for attempted murder and deviancy ("the fact or state of diverging from usual or accepted standards, especially in social or sexual behaviour." aka can be used for homosexuality). An interesting thing to note is that both of those alone is enough to throw someone out of the army, so why is both there unless they happened at the same time? I see it likely that Bill was discovered with a lover and either the person found them attacked Bill and lover or Bill attacked the person who found them to silence them. Either way, Bill did not succeed and instead he got thrown.
Tags: @cupidsbeartrap
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bigfatbimbo · 3 days
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Hey there! @hazbinhotelmollykisser here yet again, with the promised bill rambles :)
Forgive me if the following words sound like nonsense, I'm trying lol
SO. I'll be covering the bill with a more powerful reader and sub bill because your works have changed my brain chemistry, masochist bill because I'M GOING INSANE AN I NEED TO BE SEDATED, and bill with a reader that likes to tease him (with a more powerful reader version and a just a human version) because I need to study his reactions to teasing like I'm Stanford studying like... Science + math = triangles or something.
・Bill x More powerful reader
So I actually made an entire oc for this literally as soon as I finished reading the og post, which I will refrain on ranting abt, but the idea of a reader that's more powerful than bill is fascinating to me.
Because like, he's bill so he's obviously gonna try to get under your skin, but imagine a reader that sees his attempts to annoy them and just... Like laughs? A reader that finds his attempts almost endearing? Reverting whatever bill did back to before with just a snap and maybe a passing comment about his mischief.
It would drive him mad I think, he'd be rlly annoyed and pissy about it.
Or alternatively, a reader that does get angry when he tries to annoy them, (a loud and aggressive angry or a quiet festering angry both yielding different reactions from bill) and Bill takes it as motivation to keep annoying you (and it's definitely only because he thinks it's funny and totally definitely no other reason).
(Holy shit this is already getting long)
・Sub!Bill
So obviously a brat right? Like very obviously? We all agree on that.
And this next bit will probably just be regurgitating your points because I can't stop having the same opinions as you,
I personally need to see any + every version of bill cipher getting taken down a peg. Like I need to just. Ruin his life a little. Like I need to cause him mental peril and make it up to him (but actually it's only for me) by making him beg for what he wants and not giving him anything unless he asks out loud because "well I'm not a mind reader" (more powerful reader probably IS but shhhh..)
I want him to cry and beg (as do most people who read your blog honestly)
・masochist bill
Thinking about the way that bill literally talks about going out of his way to inflict pain onto the bodies he "possesses" (? Idk if that's the word I should use) made me think. Like too much thinking too many thoughts, to the point that I at multiple points almost wrote a small drabble in my notes app about it. (I would've if I could think of any words to write down when I need them 😭)
But like he's definitely some kind masochist right?
I can't think of any scenarios for human reader he made a deal with and bill for this category but imagine with me pls, a HUMAN reader, that he made a deal with (is actively trying to manipulate), causing him PAIN somehow (directly or indirectly), and he... DOSENT MIND? because 1. He's gonna have a mental breakdown because of it probably, and 2. He dosent JUST not mind. It's like EXCITING but not normal exciting.
So basically he'd be freaking out.
And with a reader that's more powerful than him? I think it'd be clear as day. Going hand in hand with the angry reader that's more powerful than him thing above, he would absolutely get off on annoying them until they snap at him (specifically the snap at him part). And when reader notices, they're obviously gonna make fun of him because hes being pathetic lol.
I think I have run out of masochist bill words now so onto the next topic.
・tease reader (human) x bill
My main reason for bringing this up is I love the idea of the powerful bill cipher being.. Well, flustered.
Like maybe when it's triangle form bill its easier to hide for him but if it were human bill reader would be able to tell almost instantly probably.
And more opportunities to make fun of bill for being a pathetic little creature are always good :)
・tease reader (more powerful) x bill
OOWOWHEOEJEIEBSJBSISNDH I love this idea so so SO SO SOSOSOSO MUCH!!!3&:28&:9.
SO MANY MORE OPPORTUNITIES TO TEASE AND NOT GET KILLED :)
Like imagine with me, your teasing bill and he gets all "upset" and probably threatens you, you don't gotta back off, you infact can tease him even more for thinking that he can threaten you. Shheheheheheheh.
I think that's all my words, I seem to have run out.
I hope that big lump of nothing text (800-ish words 😰) was enough to make up for my sudden dissapearence after promising to talk about bill TWO WEEKS AGO
Forgive my probably dogshit spelling and grammar pls
and hope you have a good day/night/whatever!
IUAHAHSHSHSHSHHSHDHSHAHS I LOVE THINGS LIKE THIS IN MY INBOX!!!!! Because it’s like wow, you did all the work for me! 😊
Ugh, this is so good tho. I always love to hear your thoughts, you are one of my FAV anons!!!!!
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alphajocklover · 21 hours
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I really want a hot boyfriend. does instajock always make you straight or can I use it on a guy to make him more my type? (and maybe also make me more his type)
So, I think there's been a bit of a misunderstanding, one that I want to clear up. While I do my best to report on different transformation methods, I can’t include every detail about every one of them. My posts are relatively short and don’t always cover everything, because if I did it would take forever. The lack of details, plus some distracting pictures, leads to a lot of people getting details mixed up or getting confused. It’s happened before, and I think it’s what is happening here. I say this because as far as I can remember I have never mentioned anything about InstaJock turning someone straight.
InstaJock can change a person's sexuality, theoretically, through the settings and details section that I've mentioned in previous posts. The thing is, it normally doesn’t. Instajock changes its users personality, their body, and their mind, but for some reason their sexuality will usually stay the same. They’ll become more openly sexual, and also often very flirtatious to fit their new jock persona, but their sexual identity doesn’t change. Even when their sexuality does change it usually turns them gay, not straight.  For some reason the app's already confusing setting page is set up so it's a lot easier to set your sexuality to gay then to straight. My best guess for why the app is set up that way is that the creator, or creators, are gay themselves and have a thing for jocks. I mean, you don’t make a seemingly impossible app that changes people into dumb jocks if you don’t have some sort of kink for it.. So, If you use the app on someone who's already gay you’ve probably got nothing to worry about. Chances are they’ll stay gay, unless they happen to have a huge conversion kink and are really good with computers. Anyways, now that we’ve cleared up that issue let's get into the specifics of your issue. 
Changing someone's personality and identity so that they’ll be your ideal boyfriend is… pretty questionable, if I’m being honest. But so is much of what happens in the world of transformations, so I’ll focus on the ‘how to’ rather than the morals. Your first problem is one I’ve brought up before: You can only give someone the app if you already have the app. Only an already transformed Jock can invite another person to InstaJock. You’d only be able to transform him,but only if you are changed yourself. I know you said you’d be with being changed, but once you become a jock figuring out the app will be much harder, so you might not end up his type, or he might not end up yours. I think your best bet would be to convince a jock to change both of you. InstaJock users can send out multiple invites at once, so it would be easy even for him. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if he makes a dumb mistake. He is a jock afterall.
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I do hope this works out for you. Not because I approve of what you’re doing, but because there are a lot of ways this could go wrong. One of you could have your sexuality changed when you get transformed, the jock who changes you both might make you brothers instead of boyfriends, or you and he could just not click. Just because someones your type doesn’t mean they’re the right person for you. Even if you and your target don’t end up together, I think you will have a much easier time getting a boyfriend after you use InstaJock. I hate to be shallow, but dating is usually easier when you have a 6 pack and huge pecs.
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flutterbyoz · 8 hours
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It's 2024 and still the Rick/Jessie discourse is still making an appearance 🙄
It's something that seems to pop up every now and again and just becomes another excuse for people to voice their dislike for Michonne and Richonne. I get everyone has their own opinion, though many of these opinions have little to no evidence to back them up, but let's just make one thing clear, Rick loves Michonne. He loved her when he met Jessie, he loved her when Jessie cut his hair, he loved her when he and Jessie shared that awkward garage kiss and when he chopped off Jessie's hand. He loved Michonne then and he loves her now, more than life itself. Had Jessie lived he still would have fallen in love and married Michonne.
Some people like to invalidate Richonne anyway they can, even grasping onto crumbs like Jessie, but in the end none of it matters because Jessie was never supposed to be anything more than a plot device, all she did was delay the inevitable. The believability of Rick having feelings for her was dashed pretty quickly given the heart eyes he gave Michonne every time he saw her and I'm sorry but no one can compete against Andy and Danai in the chemistry department.
If you can't see the electric chemistry between Rick and Michonne/Andy and Danai then I do feel a little for you because you're missing out on experiencing what I believe is the best love story to have ever graced the screen.
I do sometimes wonder if I'm watching the same show because the way some people interpret storylines and character interactions can be so polar opposite that it makes me think that they must just be purposefully ignoring the facts just to make it fit their opinion. I'm all for differing opinions but when the facts go completely against those opinions and clearly prove them wrong then it's not so much someone giving an opinion as them just saying whatever just to arouse a response. And yes I know I'm feeding into that with this post but I just needed to say it and sadly I think we all know the reason for most of this dislike and hate towards Michonne and Richonne.
Michonne is not Rick's second choice, she's not his third choice, she's not someone he got with just for the physical side of a relationship or because Jessie and Lori died. Michonne is his first, last and forever choice, the love of his life, the mother of his children, the woman he'd kill and die for, she is his entire world. This has been confirmed multiple times throughout TWD and TOWL, there are no ifs or buts about it, all of this is canon and fact and ignoring it doesn't make it any less true. I always have this thought that if you mentioned Jessie to Rick now it would take him a moment to remember who she was.
This ended up being longer than I thought but when I began writing I just kept going! People will always find a way to disrespect and invalidate Rick and Michonne's relationship, no matter what canon tells them but their negativity changes nothing. They can have as many opinions as they wish but Rick and Michonne will still be married, living happily with their children and being more in love than ever and if we are lucky enough to see them again then that will be shown over and over again.
Forever and always it will be Rick and Michonne
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nerdy-novelist017 · 2 hours
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Soaked (Benny Cross x Shy!Reader Reader pt 8)
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Hello, my lovelies! Sorry this took forever to write and post but I’ve been very busy with real life (ew) and I’m actually posting this while I’m on vacation. I wrote it on the plane and am posting in the car so please be kind if you see any mistakes hehe 😉
Benny x Bunny Masterlist
Word Count- 4.7k+
Summary- Benny’s never wanted anything as much as he wants to marry you, but with such different lives, you’re not so sure it will be as easy as he claims.
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You felt the wind surge around you as Benny accelerated down the main road, his motorcycle roaring beneath you both. The world blurred past in a whirlwind of colors, but all you could focus on was the way your heart lifted, how a thrill of excitement shot through you as you zoomed past the rest of the gang. He did it just because he knew it’d make you giggle. And you did, the sound escaping you in a way that felt so carefree, so full of joy especially as you shot past Johnny and the others, leaving them in your dirt.
The wind was relentless, blowing your hair out of its carefully manicured braid, but you didn’t find yourself caring much anymore. The days spent with Benny had a way of shifting everything you thought had mattered. The things that once held so much weight – social status, gossip, public appearances – no longer seemed as important anymore. With Benny, it was almost like discovering a whole new world. No, not a new world. The same streets passed beneath the tires, the same faces you once worried about still existed. The world was still the same, but it was how he viewed it that felt so different. He didn’t care what others thought about him, didn’t pay attention to their expectations. He lived in his own world, surrounded by others like him that didn’t conform to the societal molds – people that you wouldn’t have even approached just based on their appearance. You never considered yourself a very judgemental person, but because of Benny, you have met and befriended people you could have never imagined.
That’s one of the things you loved about Benny. He wasn’t like anyone you had ever met before. He was different. And you were beginning to love that too.
He pulled off the main road, stopping in his signature spot in front of the club house. The roar of the rest of the gang pulling up sounded in the distance as Benny helped you off the bike. He held his grip on your hand, lacing his own fingers through yours as he pulled you gently into the bar. You followed him inside where the Vandals’ laughter and chatter soon filled the air. A familiar buzz of camaraderie enveloped the place, and before long, you found yourself seated around the table with a few of the core members. Benny was close – as always – with his arm draped over your shoulder.
“Hey, Bunny,” Cockroach’s voice cut through the sea of noise as he leaned forward and used his beer bottle to point at you. “When are you finally gonna say yes to our boy Benny, here?”
You stiffened slightly, the weight of the question hanging in the air and drawing the attention of the others at the table.
“Oh yeah,” Corky piped up, one eyebrow playfully cocked in a challenge. “He’s been asking, what, 100 times now? What’s the holdup? He’s not getting any younger, ya know?”
Heat filled your face at their teasing. Though Corky’s words were a bit of an exaggeration, they weren’t technically wrong. Since your kiss behind the clubhouse, Benny has asked you to marry him almost every day, sometimes more than once in a day. It had started by him mentioning married life in casual conversation, and you jokingly pointed out that he hadn’t actually proposed to begin with – not traditionally. And you were shocked to see him abandon everything he was doing in the moment to ask you to marry him. You giggled and rolled your eyes at his dramatics, but something deeper inside you caused your heart to flutter nervously. Since then, he’s asked several times, some in passing, a casual remark slipped into the conversation. Other times, he’d pause what he was doing, drop to one knee and grin up at you as if he were waiting for you to give in. But each time you’d laugh it off, brush it aside as him being unserious.
“Maybe I’m just waiting for the right moment?” you replied as you timidly played with the chain of your necklace, trying to reflect the attention.
“The right moment?” Cockroach parroted in disbelief. “He’s been proposin’ left and right for a week. Hell, I’d have said yes after the first time if it were me!”
The group laughed, and you tensed under Benny’s arm, wanting to melt into the floor from embarrassment. Benny squeezed your hand reassuringly, and he leaned, his voice dropping to a low murmur that was only meant for you, “They don’t mean nothin’ by that, you know that.”
You nodded, not trusting your own voice. He was right, you knew that. They didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, but the constant razzing – especially with this particular subject – was start to weigh on you.
“Yeah, c’mon, Bunny,” Cal chimed in from across the way, “What’s it gonna take? Benny’s a catch! He’s got the bike, the looks, the . . . mommy’s issues. If you don’t say yes soon, you might lose your chance.”
That playful jab was too much for Benny who stiffened next to you. You expected him to get angry, to blow up like you had seen your father do when he was upset. But instead, Benny leaned forward, eyes narrowing with a playful glint that you had come to adore. The table was buzzing with laughter, but he wasn’t about to let the spotlight stay on you for too long. Without missing a beat, he flashed a grin at Corky, his hand raised as he said, “Alright, alright. But let’s not pretend you all ain’t desperate for a distraction since none of you can keep a bike upright without fallin’ on your asses.”
The table roared with laughter and Corky’s mouth fell open in mock offense. “That was one time! And I had an oil slick!”
“Johnny immediately jumped in, “Yeah Corky, an oil slick you created when your bike was leakin’ everywhere.”
Laughter erupted again and you shot Benny a grateful look as the guys started ribbing Corky about his infamous fall. Benny’s eyes met yours briefly, his thumb brushing your hand under the table in a silent message: I’ve got you. Most of the group knew you were shy and did not appreciate being the center of attention in a crowd, and they respected that. However, there were a few class clowns (as Benny called them) who loved to tease you, knowing it could get a reaction without fail. But Benny never let it go on for long, always shutting them down when he recognized your discomfort.
They’ve never teased you about marriage though. You had to wonder if Benny had voiced his irritation to them at some point or if they had picked up on your hesitation organically. Either way, it left you feeling bad. Excusing yourself, you wiggled out of Benny’s grasp as you stood and made your way for the restroom, needing a moment to breathe, to clear your head. But just as you reached the back of the bar, a voice stopped you.
“You ain’t gotta worry about what they say to you,” Funny Sonny stood leaning casually against the bar top as he sipped a glass of whiskey. “That just means they like you, accept you.”
You paused, glancing over your shoulder at the table of rowdy bikers. “I’m just not . . . used to it. All the teasin’.”
Sonny nodded, his disheveled hair falling into his eyes as he grinned. “You’ll get used to it. Won’t be long till you’re the one throwing out the first jabs.”
He said it so nonchalantly, as if it were the most obvious course of action, as if you weren’t from completely different worlds. You furrowed your brows, eyes casting downwards as you admitted, “I’m not so sure about that. I’m not at all like you guys.”
“You don’t gotta be like us to be with us. We’re family here and family means lookin’ out for each other, even the ones who came from different backgrounds,” he said, his voice lowering a register to a bit more of a serious tone.
His words settled over you like a warm blanket, the concept so foreign yet so familiar. Family. You knew what that was, you had one, you were loved by one. But for some reason, it felt like it meant something different with the Vandals. They chose their family, stood by them despite no blood relation. Your parents loved you, you knew that. They showed it in their own ways every day. But by default, they had to love you. With the Vandals, they chose to care for each other, chose to look out for each other. In a way, it almost seemed more powerful, more profound.
Being Benny’s girl didn’t just mean he alone had your best interest at heart. It also meant having the rest of the Vandals on your side too, all of them looking out for you. You weren’t sure if you’ve ever experienced such an intense loyalty before, even from blood relatives. And it left you with a warm feeling in your chest.
When you returned to the table, Benny was already standing as if he were waiting for you. His eyes met yours with a slight unease, almost like he thought you wouldn’t come back, like he thought you were so upset that you’d sneak out the backdoor.
“Wanna go for a night ride?” he asked, his voice soft as his hand extended out for you.
Your heart squeezed at his thoughtfulness. He knew how much you were growing to enjoy the feeling of blazing down the empty streets under a star-filled sky with him. A smile tugged at your lips, and you took his hand without hesitation, nodding.
You nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips as your hand slid into his own. You were vaguely aware of the groans and exaggerated protests from the table about the night being still young, but you didn’t hesitate to follow Benny as he led you to the door. He pulled you along to his Harley, the cool and fresh air a welcome change.
The tension from earlier still lingered as Benny’s hand touched your leg, helping you onto the back of the bike. You wrapped your arms around his torso, pressing your face into his back, finding solace in the familiar scent from his jacket.
He drove you around the city, stars and stop lights shining above, engine roaring below. He eventually pulled off the main drag, heading down a quieter road that led out of town. The blacktop blurred beneath you as he slowed the speed to more of a lazy joyride. He took a familiar turn, stopping at the small pull off area before a bridge. The sound of the engine faded as he brought the bike to a stop, the air filling with crickets’ song. The night’s air was breezy, but a welcome change from the hot, loud atmosphere of the clubhouse.
Benny dismounted first, reaching out to help you down. His touch – lingering longer than necessary – against your arm felt electric, sending a jolt of butterflies to your stomach, his eyes searching your face as if he was trying to read your thoughts. The two of you walked over the concrete bridge, pausing once in the middle. You leaned over the railing, getting lost in the gentle swirl of the water below. But Benny was lost in the sight of you.
“You alright?” he asked, his voice low, the usual playful teasing replaced by something softer and reserved only for you.
With your heart beating hard at his gentle tone, you nodded. “I’m fine.”
He frowned, reaching out to brush a loose strand of hair from your face. “I know the guys can be a bit much. I don’t like when they tease you like that. I didn’t mean for them to make you uncomfortable.”
You couldn’t help but smile a bit at his words, knowing that wanting to protect you was something he took very seriously, even if it meant from his own friends, his own family.
“I know,” you responded softly, leaning your chin on your hand over the railing.
“I’ll talk to them, make sure they won’t raz you like that anymore,” he promised, his expression serious.
“It’s not that. It’s just . . . I don’t know. It’s a lot to get used to,” you admitted gently. Before Benny, you’d never even been in a bar before, never ridden a motorcycle, never stayed out past curfew. He was a completely different experience than you were accustomed to. And now he wanted you to marry, after only knowing him for a few weeks. He wanted to be your husband, your partner for life. Your life felt like a bit of a whirlwind ever since you met him, but you wanted to be certain it wasn’t just fun because it was new.
He didn’t say anything for a moment, just stood there, his eyes tracing your features, his hand resting over your own. You could practically see the gears turning in his brain, something in him conflicted. Finally, he released a soft sigh, putting an arm around your shoulders and pulling you in close. “You don’t have to answer them, you know. Hell, you don’t have to answer me. Not till you’re ready.”
Your heart skipped a beat as you breathed in his scent – leather, smoke and something uniquely Benny. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I . . . ”
Benny pulled back slightly, his fingers tilting your chin up to meet his gaze, his thumb gently brushing your cheek. “Hey, you don’t owe anyone an explanation, not even me. You’ll say yes when you’re ready. And when that time comes, I’ll be here. I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”
A smirk tugged at the corner of your lips as it was your turn to kid. “How do you know I’ll say yes?”
Benny’s smile was gentle but still roguishly confident. His hand lingered on your cheek, his fingers tracing down the curve of your jaw as if he were mapping every detail of you. “I just know. When you feel it – when it’s real – you just know.”
He said it so simply as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, as if love were the most uncomplicated concept. You didn’t understand that, couldn’t see it that way. You’d seen the love your parents shared and that was beautiful and kind but it was also messy and cruel more often than not. And you understood that your parents were not the only representation of what love and marriage was supposed to be, but it was a constant presence in your life. They didn’t have perfect love, not like what you’d see in the movies or read in books. And you wondered if maybe you were giving too high of expectations for what love was supposed to be, but what you felt when you were around Benny . . . well, it felt exactly like the books described.
The way he looked at you, as if you were the most important thing in the world, made you feel so seen. The way he listened to you as if you were the most entertaining show, made you feel so heard. And the truth was undeniable: you were falling for Benny faster than you thought possible. It was terrifying. Benny was all fire and freedom, a rebel who didn’t play by the rules, who followed his own path with reckless abandon. And you admired that about him, but the thought of stepping into his world permanently felt like stepping off a ledge into the unknown.
“What’s goin’ on in that head of yours?” he asked, pulling you back into the present.
You pulled back slightly, biting your lip in contemplation before speaking your mind, “Don’t you wonder if there are other girls out there that you haven’t even met yet? Girls who are more suited for you?”
He shook his head, his voice light as he said, “Nah, I know you’re the only one for me, kid.”
“But marriage is serious. It’s forever.”
His hand slid down to your hip, turning you to face him fully, his expression solemn. “I never . . . I never thought marriage was real. The way I saw my mom and old man together . . . what they had wasn’t love. And I realized that at an early age. I didn’t think it was something that was real, just a bunch of fairytale bullshit you tell little kids. The girls I’ve been with, girls that may have been more suited for me, have never made me feel what I feel with you, Bunny. This is serious to me too because it proves everything I’ve never believed in.”
Emotion caught in the back of your throat as you pictured the man standing before you as just a boy living in a toxic household, an unloving home. It made you want to hold him tight, to shield him from the rest of the world. The man who held you so gently, who took you for night rides just to cheer you up. The man who came to your bake sale when nobody else did. The man who promised to drive slow so as not to scare you. The man who said he’d follow you all the way to California so that you didn’t have to go by yourself. The man who taught you about his hobbies with eagerness, and listened to yours with attentiveness.
He deserved to be loved in the same way he loved. But the tragic thing was that he didn’t see that, couldn’t comprehend someone loving him like that. He was damaged by his childhood, and you realized that he didn’t think he was worthy of repair. But you’d show him that he was, that he was worthy of everything he never had.
Slowly, you lifted your hands to gently cup his face, and his breath hitched in his throat. There was a shift in his expression – his usual teasing and bravado now replaced with some raw and unguarded as though he was offering you a glimpse into a deeper part of him, one rarely ever shown to anyone.
He pressed his forehead to yours, his voice dropping to a soft murmur. “You’re not just some girl to me, Bunny. You know that, right?”
The words sent a shiver down your spine. He wasn’t playing around now, not hiding behind his usual flirty quips. His sincerity was almost overwhelming. You swallowed thickly. “But what if I mess this up? What if I’m the one who can’t do this?”
Benny’s brows furrowed and he lifted a hand to brush across your cheek, his touch gentle but grounding. “You won’t. You couldn’t, even if you tried.”
“You’re making it sound so easy,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, as if you didn’t quite believe him.
Benny could feel your tremble, the shaky laugh betraying your nerves you were trying so hard to hide. He could sense your heart racing, and he wanted so desperately to be the one to soothe it, to take away the hesitation in your eyes. His thumb brushed over your bottom lip, the soft curve of it making his heart ache in his chest. He loved how your lips quivered just slightly under his touch. He loved making you blush, loved teasing you until you looked at him like you were annoyed or completely at his mercy. But this . . . this was different. His touch lingered on your lip, slow and almost reverent as he savored the way you responded to him. It wasn’t about teasing anymore – it was about showing you what you meant to him.
“It is,” he murmured, his voice a little rougher than he intended “It’s easy because it’s you.”
The air between you felt electric as his hand slid down the curve of your neck, his fingers lingering there, feeling the steady thrum of your heartbeat that seemed to match his own wild one. He ducked his head slightly as he whispered, “You’re scared. But you don’t need to be.”
He meant it, more than he meant anything in his life. He pulled back just enough to look into your eyes again, searching for any sign of doubt, any sign that you didn’t feel the same way he did. Your eyes �� wide and uncertain – met his, and Benny felt the weight of his words over them both.
“How can you be so sure?” you asked, your soft voice almost disappearing in the night.
And how could he explain it, especially since he’s never been good at explaining his feelings? How could he put into words what was so abundantly clear to him? That you made everything – even the most outrageous things – seem possible. That with you, he didn’t feel like just some fuck-up waiting for the next diaster. With you he felt grounded, like he belonged somewhere. Like you saw him for more than just the wild, reckless kid everyone else saw.
“Because you make me sure,” he responded with a gentle, encouraging smile as his hands moved to tilt your chin upwards to him. “You make my life feel like it’s supposed to.”
His gaze moved down to your mouth once more as you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, and he simply couldn’t resist anymore. He closed the gap, brushing his lips so softly against your own. The kiss was gentle, tender, but as you responded to his touch, the need that had been simmering inside him for so long flared to life. His hands dropped down to your waist, pulling you impossibly closer, smiling into the kiss when he heard your slight gasp.
His heart pounded in his chest as the world seemed to fade away briefly until it was just you and him, just this. He never wanted to stop, never wanted to let you go.
But you did eventually pull away, the need to breathe becoming all consuming. Breathlessly, he pressed his forehead against yours, his eyes remaining closed as he focused on slowing his pulse. His hands remained on your waist, holding you like you might slip away if he let go.
“You see?” he whispered as his lips brushing against your forehead softly. “It’s easy being with you.”
You giggled and his heart soared at the melody. It took everything in him not to pull you back into another kiss, not to hold onto you like you were the only thing that kept him grounded.
His lips still tingled from the kiss, and he could taste the faint sweetness of your breath, the softness of your lips. It wasn’t enough. It never felt like enough for Benny. He wanted more of you. He’d never wanted anything like he wanted you, never craved anyone like he craved you. It was almost unbearable, like every second where he wasn’t touching you was a second wasted.
And yet, he knew you were scared. He could see it in the way you looked down at your shoes, could hear it in the timidity of your voice. It only made him want to protect you more, to make you see that being with him would never be something you had to fear. But he didn’t know how to say that without sounding like he was pushing, without making you feel like you were being rushed into a decision that was as much about you as it was him.
But damn if he didn’t want to make you his.
He opened his eyes and pulled back enough to look at you face again, to really take you in. And my god, the way you were looking up at him with those wide, innocent eyes made his chest tighten. And you didn’t even realize how much power you had over him. One look, one smile, and he was a goner.
Before either of you could speak, thunder cracked off in the distance, bringing you both back to the present, back to the rest of the world. You glanced up at the dark clouds that blew in to cover the stars, wondering how long you had stood on this bridge with Benny.
“Guess we should get back,” you said sheepishly.
“Guess so,” Benny replied with a lazy grin as though the storm could come crashing down and he’d still be perfectly content standing here with you.
“Do you think it’s going to rain?” you asked as you walked to his bike, glancing up at the thick, dark clouds blowing in from the west.
“Nah,” he said as he swung a leg over the bike with that signature confidence that made your heart race. “We’ll be fine.”
Famous last words.
******
By the time Benny pulled up to your house, rain was pouring from the sky like a waterfall, fat and heavy droplets splattering onto the sidewalk. Despite wearing Benny’s Vandals jacket, the rain had completely soaked you. Your hair, which had been meticulously pinned up just hours ago, was plastered to your face, and your dress clung to your body like a second skin.
You didn’t wait for him to shut off the bike before you hopped off and tugged on his sleeve.
“C’mon!” You laughed, tugging on Benny’s sleeve as you ran for the safety of your porch overhang. Your heels splashed through the water pooling on the blacktop, and he followed quickly behind, his warm hands finding your waist to steady you from falling as you both stumbled beneath the overhang.
Breathless and grinning like an idiot, you turned to face him, and you were momentarily stunned by the sight. Rainwater rolled down from his usually swept up hair, sliding down the curve of his cheekbones and falling off his jawline. He only wore a whote t shirt, the wet fabric turning almost transparent as it clung to every ridge, every toned muscle and you blinked before your gaze shot back up to his face. Even as wet as a drowned rat, he still managed to look so effortlessly sexy.
He was grinning at you with that boyish expression, and heat filled your face at the realization that you were just as soaked as he was but definitely not as pretty a sight. You probably looked like a mess — makeup smeared, hair ruined — but he was staring at you like you were the only thing that mattered in the world.
“Not gonna rain, huh?” you teased, quirking an eyebrow at the heavy rainfall just off your porch.
“Just a light sprinkle,” he returned easily, but you noticed he had to bite his bottom lip to keep from laughing.
“Do you wanna come in?” you blurted out before you could stop yourself. “To dry off?”
He sobered instantly, his gaze raking over your form before moving to your front door. He’d never been inside your house, never seen where you call home, where you lay down at night and replay your memories of him. There was never really an option for him to be inside your house. He’d never met your parents — despite asking multiple times to meet them, but you couldn’t bring yourself to put neither your parents nor Benny though that. Deep down, you knew your father would never approve of Benny, never give him his blessing. It was a disaster waiting to happen when he found out that you were dating a biker. You begged your mother to keep it a secret to which she obliged, but you knew it wouldn’t be long till he found out.
Benny took a full step back from you, hesitation obvious in his face, his voice low and almost regretful he said. “I—I better not, Bun.”
Normally, you wouldn’t ask again after being denied, wouldn’t be so bold. But you weren’t the same girl you were a few weeks ago before you met Benny. Emboldened by the perfect opportunity to have him inside your home, to share a piece of yourself with him, you stepped forward.
You took a step forward, your voice soft but sure. “My parents aren’t home. C’mon, just to dry off and wait till the rain lets up a little. You can’t drive in that anyway. It’s not safe and I won’t let you.”
Benny released a breath that sounded a lot like a laugh as he shook his head, clearly conflicted by your invitation. And for a moment, you thought he might shake his head and turn away. You thought he might face the rainstorm and leave you behind.
But instead, he nodded and your heart soared at the small gesture. Filled with hopeful energy, you shot him a smile, moving to open the front door and invite him inside your home, inside your world.
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tallyica · 1 day
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Uh Dave x reader. Dave wants reader but unfortunately reader is already dating (any member from Metallica) so when reader broke up with (Metallica member) for some reason, he started talking to reader and eventually ended up together. reader is way happier with Dave.
(Kinda basic but I know you’ll make it great 😍)
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hihi!!
omg I'm actually posting a very long fic after threatening to quit writing..
also ily Kay this is a good req I LOVE James and Dave dynamic stuff (anything having to do with revenge or jealousy, if youre a writer PLS write some and tag me..) so i loved this req
anywayssss
word count: 4,515 (I think my longest one to date)
warnings: angst, break up, cheating, drinking, fluff, mention of drugs (once), kinda corny, rushed but slow at the same time, way too similar to that one mustainegf fic
A CHANGE, FOR THE BETTER. (1987-1990)
Once again the apartment was cold and empty. It wasn't actually empty; it was filled by James and me. We were on opposite sides of the couch, avoiding each other. IT had been like this for months. We hadn't hugged, kissed, held hands, gone out, anything that normal couples do. He was quiet, which differed from how he was with his friends, including me. Though, this hadn't been different for a while. I've almost gotten used to it, but not emotionally. No matter how hard I try, he seems like he isn't there. The more I thought about it, the more it settled in, the more it hurt. The more I felt I needed to talk about it.
I finally broke the painful and dead silence between us, “What up with you, You've been weird with me for months?” I asked, finally turning my head to face him. He wasn't looking at me, or anything. He was hunched over, his blonde locks blocking the view of his face as he stared at the floor.
James let out a huff in response, shrugging.
This was going to be a long, and very difficult conversation.
James would get like this when there was something on his mind. Something big, but normally it would spill over before this point, he normally would just be like this for a week or two before confessing whatever was hurting him, and I would hold him and comfort him as he cried.
I sighed, moving closer to him, and placing my hand on his back, but he retracted from my touch, something I had gotten used to.
“James, talk to me, please..?” I asked softly, though I was willing to beg to have what we had back.
He just shook his head, adjusting slightly and sitting back, letting me see his stressed and confused expression. “What's bothering you? Tell me, I know that something is wrong..” I tried again, my eyes on his, but his were on the black TV screen.
I tried to move closer to him, my hand on his knee as I tried to get him to even look in my general direction, “James, look at me,” I asked more than commanded.
His eyes wandered in my direction, but landing on the couch cushions under me. It was a start at least. “Can you just say something, please?” I asked again, keeping my tone gentle.
He took a deep, long sigh, mumbling something I couldn't hear, couldn't understand.
Or maybe I did, but I didn't want to.
“What?” I asked, refusing to believe any of this was real as tears stung my eyes.
James just repeated himself, the words falling from his lips like shards of glass.
I shook my head, standing from the couch as the tears began to fall down my face. Knowing of the other woman, I was broken. I was pacing, and he didn't even look at me.
“Are you serious?! Why?! Was I not good enough for you?! We could've talked, we could've worked things out!” I cried, my stomach twisting in a tight and sorrowful knot.
He didn't look like he had any emotions on his face, but I could sense and feel the guilt and pain that clouded him. Every word he spoke only brought more tears to my eyes, each one punctuated with a sharp and sad pain I felt in my heart, eyes, mind, everywhere.
I was trembling as I shook my head, for some reason I refused to believe any of this, or that this was real. I began to waddle towards the kitchen counter, filled with hurt and rage, grabbing my car keys and purse.
“Where are you going?” James asked, his own voice shaky with guilt and regret.
“Away.” I answered harshly, beginning to walk back to the door.
“Please, we can fix this, just.. Just stay with me, ok?” James begged almost, though he wouldnt even stand up to face me, eyeing muy figure from the comfort of the couch. One that held many memories of us.
I shook my head, “No, no, I.. I need to go..” I mumbled, reaching for the door handle and leaving hearing James call out for me as I shut the door, stumbling to my car, getting in and beginning to drive fast and far, no clue where I was headed. It was late at night, probably past ten pm. Tears strung down my face, puddling on the shirt I was wearing, which I realized was James’ shirt. That didn't help, making me sob harder as the faint and musty smell of beer and smoke fumed from his shirt, reminding me of him too much.
After twenty minutes or so of driving, I came past a run down hotel, hearing the soft pitter patter of rain hit the roof of my car, the clouds matching my eyes. I parked, scurrying into the lobby, an older and tired woman at the front desk, noticing the clear sadness that radiated off me.
We had a brief interaction, paying for my room before wandering up to the beat door, the well cleaned room before me.
I stepped in, shutting the door behind me before falling onto the bed, everything hitting me as I began to break down and cry. The man I had once cherished, loved, my everything and world was gone, no longer who I knew. No matter how guilty he felt or regretted it, or how drunk he was, he still did it. It hurt, and it hurt horribly. Someone I poured every ounce of my love and my being into threw me out for some shitty drunken fling with some random slut.
It wasn't long before I cried myself asleep, awaking with a harsh headache, trying to put back together everything that had happened. The words rang in my ears, twisting in me like a punch to the stomach. Instead of sadness, it was just anger and hurt. Tears couldn't come to my eyes, just a cruel, upset feeling I couldn't name.
I laid on that bed for a few hours, the soft hum of electricity filling my ears as I got lost in thought. I had woken up at three pm, and it was now six. I had to get out, do something, talk with someone. Why not go to a bar, get a drink, take the edge off and maybe talk to someone to distract myself.
I went into the bathroom, wiping the black streaks of mascara and other smudged makeup off my face, fixing my hair as much as I could without a brush or any products before checking out and walking back down to my car.
I just drove around, going a bit further out of town on the off chance I may run into James.
Then I saw it, the dark building with a pink neon sign on the outside, not looking too busy on the inside but still a good amount of people. 
I felt I had been here before. Maybe a few years back, maybe a few nights ago.. I wasn't sure, but there was a comforting familiarity as I walked in.
I ordered a drink, sitting at the bar as I picked at my nails, watching the football game on the TV. Not that I cared much for sports, but it was a start for a distraction.
I sat in there for maybe several minutes before my drink was ready, the bartender handing it to me as I began to sip on the bitter liquid, sighing softly as I tried to relax.
I felt a tap on my back, confused and surprised, I turned around.
Then I saw him.
Dave Mustaine, a man I hadn't seen in person for about four years. He was on the rise of the metal world, finally earning his own independent name. Our eyes met, and we instantly recognized each other.
Dave smiled, chuckling to himself, “Where the hell have you been?!” He asked happily, and I forced a smile back.
“I haven't gone anywhere, still been here. Where the hell have you been?” I asked back, hoping this conversation could take me away from this ruin I have been placed in.
He shrugged, “About, just becoming the next big face in the metal scene..” He answered back in a cocky way, as usual.
Seeing him in this bar, made all those old memories flood back. This is where I first met Dave, finally realizing why this place seemed so familiar. James and I had been friends about a year before he formed Metallica, and I remember him asking me to come to this bar with him to go meet his bandmates. I met Lars, Ron, and of course, Dave. 
Dave was still fiery as ever, never changing from his previous self. 
We began to talk, catching up on the years of missed time together, the once strong bond we had slowly reforming.
I remembered the first time I came to one of the band's practices. It was at James’ garage, and Ron and Lars had already left. It was just the three of us, but James was in the house. Dave and I chatted for what felt like hours, and quickly became close and good friends. We had a lot in common, so we got along well.
Then, Dave asked me a question, snapping me out of my thoughts of the past.
“So, how’s things with James? You guys still a couple?” Dave asked, clearly not meaning anything negative, but I felt it.
The question made my stomach twist in a knot, reminding me of the bitter end I had with James last night. I glanced to the floor, my expression shifting from positive to anxious in a way.
Dave quickly took notice of my change in demeanor, his expression softening, “Did.. did something happen? What’s up?” He asked, clearly worried.
I sighed, shrugging. Should I tell him this? Ruin our night together? Force him to feel guilty?
But I didn't want to lie to him either, it would be easier to just rip off the bandaid and move on.
“Uhm, we kinda broke up last night..” I mumbled, staring down at our shoes.
Dave's face was struck with realization, nodding slowly with a solemn expression, “Oh shit, sorry to hear. What happened?” Of course he had to dig deeper. And again, who am I to deny him the truth? He wasn't really one to judge.
“Well.. things had just been rough the last few months.. And then he told me that.. He cheated on me..” I answered with a sigh, feeling a slight weight taken off my shoulders as I acknowledged it, but a fifty pound boulder crashing down on my heart.
Dave looked upset, frustrated even. “I told you that fucker was never any good,” Dave reminded me, which brought me back to the night when James had asked me out.
It was the night of the first Metallica show I got to go to, not having work or anything, and I had to be a supportive best friend. After the show, I went backstage, waiting for the band, when James had ran towards me, grabbing my hands and pulling me into his dressing room, very rushedly confessing to me, which had me smiling wide, as I had felt the same from when we first met, but he had as girlfriend at the time.
It was just us, sharing another happy moment together. No one had known that we were official, but I'm sure someone caught onto his crushing, or mine.
It wasn't just that someone caught on, Dave knew. I told him after a few too many drinks, but of course he remembered that one thing.
After we had come out of that dressing room, I went to go talk with Dave, to tell him that everything seemed to be going perfectly for me at that moment, but then he spoke before I could.
“I don't think you should be around James too much man, he enjoys the life on the road a bit too much, if you get what I mean,”.
It was one of the last things he said to me before he got kicked from the band. After I told him we were dating, we drifted apart, and then he was kicked out.
I hadn't thought of those words until tonight. And it only proved that Dave was right. James did enjoy the drinking, groupies, drugs, all of it. It was only a while until I found out, which I did.
I was snapped back to the present hearing the loud whoops and clapping of other patrons of the bar, who were watching the football game on the TV. I nodded in response to Dave's statement, “I know, you warned me the minute after I started dating him.. Guess you were right..” I admitted, and Dave nodded back.
“It pisses me off, y’know?” He began, “You're too good for that shit, especially from a jerk like him.” Dave added.
I just nodded again, and he kept talking. “I guess he just can never see what he had, always wants ‘better’ but he already has what's best. I mean, he threw me out for that Kirk guy, he's no nowhere as good as me! And I’m sure whoever he slept with is just some whore,” He concluded, and I just nodded again.
“You're right… as always, it seems,” I answered back to him, before my thoughts drowned out the world around me once more.
Dave probably understood this better than anyone, at1 least when it comes to being mistreated and betrayed by James. Someone who he considered a brother, a close friend, kicked him to the curb for someone else. And in similar was me. Someone I considered a lover, and closest friend I had, traded me in for another.
“Do you have a place to stay?” Dave asked, calming after his rant.
“No, not really.. I'm staying at a motel a few miles away,” I answered back, and he thought for a moment before speaking again.
“If you want, you could come stay at my place, I wouldn't mind the extra company, it gets pretty lonely there anyways,” He offered, and my eyes lit up, a small hope in my heart.
“Yeah, that'd be great, thanks,” I said with a small smile, a weight lifted off my shoulders.
“We could leave the bar now and get you set up, it's a one bedroom, I don't mind taking the couch until you've figured something out,” Dave suggested.
I quickly shook my head, “No, don't take the couch, it's your place, I'm the guest! I'll take the couch,” I rebutted.
Dave just nodded, “Exactly, you're the guest, you get the best treatment. Plus, it won't be forever, I'll be fine for a few nights.” Dave still noticed hesitation in my eyes, “I insist.” He added.
I sighed, “Fine, if you insist. But don't hesitate asking me to take the couch once in a while, alright?”
Dave just smiled, “Sure.”
After that, we got in our cars and I followed him to his place, a decent apartment complex in the outskirts of town. We parked and he led me to his door, unlocking it and allowing us in.
“Make yourself at home,” He said, setting down his keys and walking towards the bedroom, and I followed him.
“Hope you don't mind the mess, but it'll do.” My nose was overwhelmed with the strong smell of cigarette smoke and liquor, something he had never been able to get rid of even after not seeing him for four years.
It reminded me of James, which made me feel solemn once more. “Thanks, it's fine, I don't mind, you're already offering me all of this,” I added, sitting down on his unmade bed, which he joined me on.
“You alright? You still seem upset,” He questioned, and I could feel tears pricking at my eyes once more.
“Yeah, I'm fine..” I forced out, my voice choked as I wiped the stray tear from my cheek, avoiding eye contact with him.
Dave noticed, tilting his head slightly as his concern grew, “Hey, look at me, you can talk to me, y’know?”
And just like that, I crumbled. Tears filled my eyes, and they spilled right over as I broke out into sobs, and he just wrapped his arms around me, holding me as iI leaned closer to him, soaking his worn and faded shirt with my tears as he gently comforted me and shushed my cries, wiping my tears with his thumbs when he could.
We stayed like that for what felt like hours, just him holding me and caring for me, but in a way James never could, never did. James was sweet when he wanted to be, but he never held me like this and heard my cries and answered them with comfort.
After a while, I had cried myself to sleep, my cries lessening and silencing as my breathing began to even out, and Dave laid me down gently and got me into bed, wrapping the blankets around me before he headed out for the couch.
That was the night where it began, the rekindling of our once close friendship. Even though we had agreed that this wouldn't be permanent, we had now been living together for a few months, and it felt like we had never been separated, as if we had been friends for the last seven years.
Today, we were planning to go back to that bar, the first time since that night we bumped into each other. We both needed to get out, and Dave was beat and stressed over all the touring with Megadeth, and we could both use a drink.
Dave had been out for a bit today, and I was busy getting ready for tonight since he would be home within the hour. It wasn't a fancy occasion, and I was definitely over-dressing, but I hadn't had any reason to look pretty in forever, getting to wear my favorite black dress, once that complimented my figure and hugged my curves, flowing down to a bit above my knees.
I did my makeup, nothing too glam but noticeable, and for the first time in a long time, I felt beautiful. Even when I thought I had previously when I was with James, he never showed an appreciation or complimented me often.
I shook the thoughts of James out of my head, knowing I had to move on, even though much of myself was still left in that past of what we once were.
I was snapped out of my thoughts as I heard Dave open the door, entering the apartment with a sigh. “Im back,” He called out as I finished clipping on my earrings, walking out to Dave.
“Hey, are you ready to go?” I asked him, seeing his face slightly surprised as he took in my figure.
“Yeah, totally.. You, you look great, by the way..” He answered, still taking in my appearance.
I smiled widely, “Thanks! Let's go then, yeah?”
Dave nodded and we headed out to his car, driving back to that bar, per his choice. The drive was filled with conversation and laughter, as we found that there was rarely a moment of silence between us. His hand rested lightly on my knee, and I didn't think much of it, just a sweet and friendly gesture.
When we arrived at the bar, he offered me a hand and helped me out of the car, walking me in the dim lighted and busy establishment as we searched for somewhere to sit, finding an empty table in the corner, quickly scurrying over there before someone else could snag the spot. 
It was a large table, one meant to seat probably around six people as it was a booth. The leather of the seats were well worn, torn in some places. The table matched, scratched up and old, though it held many memories. 
Dave got up to go order us some drinks, returning soon after and sitting down in front of me. We began to talk, but there was something different, and what I hated most about it is that I couldn't put my finger on it. It wasn't anything negative, but everything felt heavier, like I could feel my heart pounding in my chest for a reason I didn't know.
Dave acted off too, like something was bothering him. He was fidgety, his eyes avoiding mine but at the same holding long term eye contact. What was going on with him?
I tried to not think about it as I was probably over analyzing the whole situation. I took a sip of my drink, and for once, there was a lasting silence between us.
I didn't know what to say. The bar wasn't my idea, it was something Dave had planned on a few days ago, and he seemed excited at the time. “Everything ok? You just seem all.. Jittery.” I commented, snapping Dave out of whatever haze of thoughts he was in.
“Yeah, totally,” He muttered, which only grew my curiosity, and sparked a new worry.
Was he on drugs? Well, I knew he was, but was he on too much?
“You're not… on anything right now?” I mumbled out in a question and he shook his head.
“No no, it's not that, I swear.” Dave reassured me, and I had to take his word for it.
Dave tapped his fingers on the table a few times as he thought before speaking up.
“You uh, you remember anything in specific about this place?” Dave asked me out of the blue.
“Uhm,” I paused to think, “Yeah, isn't this where you picked me up a few months ago?”
“Well, yeah, but anything else? Think as far back as you can,” Dave instructed me, and I tried to think.
Until it hit me.
“Oh! Yeah! Isn't this where James took me to meet the rest of the band? We even sat at this booth, right?” I finally remembered, and the memories flooded back as clear as day.
Dave hasn't changed much since then, but I do remember how he was when we very first interacted. He was crazy and animalistic, yeah, but he seemed shy around me, until he had a few beers, and then he was way less tense and boxed up. That was the beginning of our friendship.
“Yeah, I think about that a lot,” Dave informed me, and I nodded.
Dave still seemed off, like he was hiding something from me.
“Dave, what's on your mind? Like actually, something is clearly bothering you,” I was growing impatient with his vague answers, I wanted to know the truth.
Dave sighed, thinking for a moment before speaking, “Well, you remember that night, tha=e first Metallica concert you attended, when I warned you about James, even though you two were already together,” and I nodded.
“Well, when he told you in that dressing room, I overheard it all. I was uhm.. Looking for you too. I got pissed that James had got to say something before I did, and uhm.. I had like.. The fattest crush on you when we first met.. And now that we've grown close again, I think I feel the same wa-” Dave was cut off as I kissed him on the lips, all of our unspoken feelings coming out for each other.
After I pulled away I moved some of his long ginger hair out of his face, gently caressing his cheek as I smiled softly at him.
“I've felt the same since we met too.”
Another influential night, all in this bar. The three times I've come here, three big things happen, always having to do with Dave.
That night was about three years ago now, and Dave and I have been together happily for those three years, now engaged and happier than ever. With the success of MEgadeth's latest album, ‘Rust in peace’, things have been going great for us. He showed me what real love felt like, to be cared for and cherished, all without getting judged.
I had gone to multiple shows with Dave at this point, and this was just another one. They were one of the headliners for a weekend-long festival, and I was more than thrilled to support my fiance.
I listened to loud chords of ‘Holy wars’ as the band began to finish their set, with me sitting backstage. I was at a table, my left hand that wore my gorgeous engagement ring was digging in my purse, until I heard familiar steps behind me.
And then a voice.
“Are you..” I cut them off.
“James? What are you-” I was now in turn cut off by him.
“I'm playing a show. What are you doing here?” The frontman asked me. I was so shocked to have seen him, personally, that is. I knew Metallica would be having a show here, but it wasn't until the next night.
As if the timing was perfect, after James questioned me, Megadeth had come off stage, Dave rushing towards me. “Hey baby, did you like the show?” He asked, leaning down to kiss the top of my head.
“Yeah, it was great..” I answered, still dumbfounded. James looked even more dumbfounded than I did.
Dave looked up, curious at the silence, “What's wro-” He cut himself off, his eyes meeting James.
Daves lips curled into a smirk, knowing now he has the best form of revenge for kicking him out all those years ago. That revenge was me.
“Nice seeing you, James. What's going on with you and my fiance?” Dave bit back a cruel snicker, watching as James just grew more and more confused.
“Oh.. I was just, uhm, saying hi,” James answered, trying to process everything.
I was avoiding James' eyes. How would I explain that after I broke up with him, I met up with his ex bandmate, moved in with him after remeeting, dated after a few months, and engaged after three years.
“Uh-huh… You guys know each other, yeah?” Dave teased, knowing the answer, just wanting to get a rise out of James.
James didn't want to give Dave anymore attention, just nodding.
“Gotta thank you a bit man, I doubt we would have ran into each other again if it wasn't for you being a prick like always,” Dave said bitterly, enjoying this game of shame on James.
James looked slightly guilty, just trying to ignore him.
Dave looked back to me, “Well, I need to go clean up a bit, you can find me if someones bothering ya, sweetheart,” he said to me sweetly, my eyes meeting his before he kissed my cheek and walked away.
James just stared at me for a moment before walking off in another direction, the rest of Metallica showing up finally, Lars leading the three of them, his eyes landing on me.
This was  going to be a long, long weekend.
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agentlizardofowca · 2 days
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For the fic ask game may I ask for ✄ DVD BONUS for Let's All Assume the Worst please and thank you and please 🙏
- TesIsAMess
Deleted scene for Let's all assume the worst.
Post credit scene with Lawrence, because I am in love with him.
Only cowards hide out in their rooms for more than a few hours. So, after a day of hiding out, Perry ventured back into the house. Making eye contact with anyone (except Phineas) was awkward, because they all looked at him like they knew his darkest secrets now.
Every time someone's eyes trailed to the vague remains of the bruises on his neck, Perry had a strong urge to rub at them.
The boys were in bed, Candace was playing the ducky m(o)mo-rpg in her bedroom, Linda was at after-dark-cooking-class (he still wasn't sure what that meant,) and Lawrence was chilling on the couch, watching whatever movie was playing on channel 5.
It couldn't be awkward between them, Perry would rather die than be awkward around Lawrence. So he pulled up his socks and sank into the couch beside him.
For twenty-three seconds they watched the movie in silence.
"Do you remember, when I said you could tell me everything?" Lawrence asked as he struggled himself into a less skewed position. He was halfway between lying down and leaning on his side. It was amazing because this pose did the impossible: Lawrence was perpetually chinless, but in this pose, he somehow had a double chin anyway.
Perry nodded as he recalled the exact moment Lawrence alluded to.
"And then you signed I can't tell you anything. I'm mute Lawrence, don't be rude." Lawrence grumbled in the deep voice he used to impersonate Perry, as Perry half-assed the same signs just like he'd done all those years ago.
Lawrence turned his head and looked at him with a lopsided smile. "I didn't mean it. Please don't tell me everything."
Perry chuckled a little and stuck his feet under Lawrence's back, just to bully him.
「There is so much you don't know,」 Perry signed with a smile that threatened to tell him more, even if he had no intentions of telling Lawrence about his recreational interests.
"Perry stop now, please."
「I was tied up just a few days ago.」 Not a lie, but context really made a big difference.
"Perry!" Lawrence repeated, this time more desperately.
「Nice and tight,」 Perry signed with snappy movement.
"Perry, please you're killing me."
With the heel of his socked foot, Perry pressed into Lawrence's thigh. 「I'm joking. But. We're both adults, right?」
"We are."
「So it's no big deal.」 Perry hoped this might end it.
"It kinda is when you walk around with a bruise like that."
Perry huffed, resettled so he could look at Lawrence directly, and leaned in close, almost menacingly.
「I did not pretend to be mute and deaf when you started dating again, for you to be this weird about this now.」 And Perry gestured at his neck.
On the other end of the couch, Lawrence was suddenly a little pale and a little sweaty. "You heard us?"
「Sure did Daddy.」
Lawrence groaned and sank into the couch cushions as if wanted them to swallow him as Perry barked out laughter like an elderly hyena.
They didn't hear the front door opening, so they were caught off guard when Linda's voice sounded behind them.
"Now what are you two laughing about?"
They both whipped their heads around in surprise. Perry recovered first, and he climbed up on the backrest of the couch to try and sign, but Lawrence was almost as quick, and he wrapped both hands around Perry's waist and pulled him backwards.
Perry was now unable to sign because his arms were helicoptered wildly to try and stay upright. When he failed, both men tumbled to the floor, where they lay in a giggling heap.
Near the front door, Linda sighed and mumbled "boys will be boys," in a fond voice. She let them be.
On the floor, the two men tried to stop laughing, but every time they made eye contact they started up again.
Eventually, they returned to the couch, had a drink, and fought over the remote.
Perry insisted they watch myth busters, but before the first episode ended he had fallen asleep on Lawrence's shoulder.
Things were no longer awkward.
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buggachat · 1 year
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mmmmm are the replies on my last beau part not working?? does. anybody know why that might be the case
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add1ctedt0you · 9 months
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What a plot twist you were. [x]
#Like. The narrator introduces jc to us as the antagonist#Then we got to know him. Not who people think he's. But who he really is#And we saw jc giving wwx a piggyback. Giving him soup. Rescuing him. Putting himself between wwx and any danger (madam yu/wen soldiers)#And even the staged fight. It's yk. Staged#jc wanted to protect wwx at any cost. But wwx wasn't willing to compromise. But jc did#The fight was wwx's idea. Because jc is an enabler (just like jfm and jyl)#jc is ready to bend for his loved ones sake#The point is. Every action jc takes. Is in the name of his loves ones' safety. And surprise. wwx is one of the people jc really cares about#Even after wwx' return. Aside a broken cup. jc isn't doing much to stop wwx or anything. We know that jl was able to free wwx from Zidian#only because jc - Zidian's primary master- wanted it!#And jc fling himself into danger countless times to save wwx even though wwx can't sit still with him for a hot minute#What I wanted to say it's that the jc is presented to us - the mean ungrateful man- is very different from the real jc -#the indulgent uncle who rolls his eyes at his nephew antics. the brother who buries the hatchet for his sister's happiness.#the uncle who kinda wants to help wn to get up from the floor because he was an ass to jc but he helped jl and that's what matters to jc#the sect leader who let two women speak freely their mind in a patriarchy society#People better than me have already said this. shit I can't remember my point lmao#Like. jc is presented as an antagonist but what this man wanted was an apology and an explanation#This post is a mix of a rant I wrote last year (ha) after seeing a bad take. About what I don't remember lmaoo. And me wanting#to make gifs of wzc in this scene. Why does he look so good. It should be illegal. Seriously#jiang cheng#*mgifs
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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bardkin · 1 year
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been doing some internal questioning that boils down to “is it the auADHD or i am plural in some way???”
and i’m. not sure if i want to know the answer. at least not yet.
#ensiger#possibly plural#this post is brought to you by a monoconscious culture post that hit a lot harder than i thought it would#'wait how long have i been me. when did i stop being the other guy'#also a lot of the Dragonheart Collective's essay points in Dissociation. & internal thought voice.#the only point in Identity disturbances that really hit was -#Feeling like you weren't born in that body & that you simply appeared one day inside of it.#like. i sometimes feel like ''I'' is more than one internally.#like i'm One Person in the way a cartoon character can be animated/storyboarded by multiple artists.#does that make sense as like?? a plural thing???#or is that just the depersonalization & bees in my brain??#also that like. the 'current me' stepped into my body & 'replaced' whoever used to be here. i have (most) of my memories & shit but just.#i'm not totally sure if this is a 'i have grown and changed since i was a child' or 'i'm a different person in every sense of the word.'#i kind of stewed on this questioning a couple years(?) ago when i was first learning about multiplicity. but nothing ever really came of it#bc digging further into it didn't feel useful. all the stuff i was reading didn't feel like it was lining up with what's going on in here#i've recently been doing some reading on monoconscious & median systems but.#i don't want to act on anything until i Know. or at least until i Know More.#also i'm about 90% sure my kintypes are not headmates/alters/etc. they feel like / similar to my gender & not. ''extra Me's'' so to speak
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girlcrushau · 6 months
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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no27-autonation-honda · 4 months
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not to be a colossal fucking cowabummer about everything but it really does suck that like. my really chill and like. supposedly more realistic type of career goal feels about as unattainable as like a kid saying he wants to be a singer or something
#kazoo noises#like yeah this was supposed to be a job i COULD get. i thought bc like. i was going into the field bc i loved the work and not bc i couldnt#make it into academia (fuck u alt-ac term users yall are snobs) id like maybe be able to cobble it together bc like. im good at doing work.#i can usually make something happen and i got a good attitude. but jesus ive got one year left and every job app comes back negative if the#even bother to respond#like idk man. i knew iwasnt gonna be making money or shit and i knew it was gonna be rough but like. everyone else i meet already has a gig#or at least like gig adjacent. volunteer or field experience or internship and like. i cant get anything to stick. its not like ive done#nothing either? ive worked extensively with small scale exhibition design. i have worked extensively with special collections libraries.#i have literal years worth of research experience from college. i have an entirely customer service based resume thats not academic so i#can handle a patron (and crucially different from my peers: I WANT TO)#i can organize. i can write and design labels. i can communicate. i can handle special collections objects. i can make ANY microfilm reader#work for me even when it doesnt want to#and im not saying my classmates arent qualified. but like. surely this has to amount to something. i have been so stupidly lucky#to have even half the experiences i do. i have variety in my degree that even some of my classmates would kill for i think. i did. so much.#i have had so many advantages and i like to think i use them well and that i am grateful for them. but why cant i make that shit connect???#my resume is good. im reliable. i want to work more than anything. so why cant i get a call back???#legitimately how much longer do i get to keep telling myself i a not the common denominator here#sorry for diary posting but im prepping to walk to the house tour and planning what job apps i can fill out when i get back and literally.#just like. why do i bother. i should have just held my nose and done the online only program in state. i'd probably spend less time rotting#god being 23 fucking sucks. it is going to be better. im literally just barely an adult. this cant be it and it wont be it. but jesus. i go#over having to beg for a rejection letter about ten months ago when i still felt like i had a shot at these experiences
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raksh-writes · 11 months
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Finally! Im pretty nuch finished with my uni assignment for the week ^^ I'll probably need to clean it up a bit before sending it in (maybe even tonight, a day early, cause why not) but tbh my attitude changed so much since I last went to uni, before I needed to have it all perfect and I was stressing over it so much, but now I look at it and just wave my hand like "good enough" 😂🙈
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brittlebutch · 1 year
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the only thing i don't like about 'Alex should have asked for help' AUs/theories is that they all seem to have the base assumption that we actually Know Anything about The Operator, and the fact of the matter is that we simply Don't.
#N posts stuff#we have Assumptions about how TO works but. we don't KNOW shit about it - that's The Horror of the thing#we can GUESS as much as Tim&Brian guessed that the medication makes a difference but we don't Know that it does shit#(as much as ALEX guessed that killing everyone was the best way to protect them from it)#like. as far as we saw in MH - Tim was NOT actually protected from the influence of The Operator; time and time again he falls victim to it#just like everyone else did; he attacks Jay. he attacks Alex. he even KILLED Alex under the influence of the operator#<- that's WHY he switches so violently from trying to talk Alex out of everything to suddenly stabbing him to death -#because All of A Sudden The Operator was in the room with them and that's what made the difference#(Jay's e73 catatonia had been going on for Weeks before Tim started splitting pills; time could have been Just as much a factor as the meds#i could be proven wrong but it Does feel at least a little significant to me that we haven't seen Jessica taking Anything in the new comics#even SKULLY doesn't know how it works - why it affects some more than others; even They're guessing#if a thing Has Rules that automatically makes it less scary. Every character/audience member Wants there to be rules#but the honest fact is that as far as anyone KNOWS - the Operator doesn't have any <- THAT's why the story plays out as it does#and that's exactly why it could never have played out any different - everyone is doing their best with what little information they have#and no matter who they are or what decisions they made it was Never going to be enough to save any of them.#mh lb
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