#I do also believe there are situations where it’s not only appropriate but necessary

[teawiththegods]

Apollo really was right when he said to me

“People like that aren’t worth your energy or the dirtying of your hands. They’ll cast curses on themselves. All you have to do is sit back and watch”

[genevawren38]

I have a few things to say about Quackity's stream and the QSMP as a whole.

If you haven't watched the stream, please do so here, I refuse to paraphrase and believe it should be watched in its entirety to form your own opinions. [Here is the YouTube link]

First of all; I don't think any of the actions Quackity took were deliberately malicious. I believe, in my opinion, he got swept up in the excitement and hype surrounding this new project, and we all know how easily that can happen. It's so easy to ignore the small things when you are being showered in positivity.

I think the project got far bigger than he thought which opens up everything to a lot of criticism.

But he does not deserve to feel unsafe, nor is it any sort of appropriate to send him death threats under any circumstances. Nor to anyone, that is a line we should not cross.

Please, for the love of everything, remember this is one of the biggest projects he has ever attempted. Balancing management, his real life, and his public figure status must be incredibly stressful, and you can only do that for so long until things start to go unnoticed. Someone spread so thin is bound to crack, and unfortunately, I think that's what happened with the administration. He's an incredibly busy guy, and to expect him to be so hands-on with the project while keeping up with the rest of his life and future prospects is an inhumane task to keep up with.

Yes, I absolutely agree that healthy amounts of criticism are necessary in something as groundbreaking as this. But under no circumstances *ever* does that become something you can threaten another's safety over.

I also agree he should have said something and apologized to the previous admins who were brave enough to share their story. But I also can agree with the fact this might have been better done privately, at least as much as possible, because the moment you get the public involved someone malicious is going to rip their words apart to use in whatever fashion they wish.

But it's hard to be truly objective and honest when every word you ever say online could be misconstrued and twisted to suit another's fancy.

I think that's where most of the issue lies, at least to me. There are systems in place when handled in a law environment to protect those affected. The moment anything goes public, it's free game for someone to use as they wish.

I think in certain situations, getting the public involved in the good fight is a sound decision, for a group of people are louder than one individual. But it can also grow wildly out of control if not handled properly, and for a delicate situation like this, I think it's only drawn the whole situation out to a painful amount.

I dislike the fact that a lot of my passion has disappeared for the server because this server is full of people whose content I enjoyed previously and some I've only now discovered.

But, I still do believe it's possible for us to hold hope. I have to hold onto that because if there truly is a way for this to turn around it can serve as an example it's possible to recover and put your best foot forward.

I think there's been mistakes all around, blown wildly out of proportion, but I do still want to give this place a chance.

Because what an example it could become if solutions can be found that helps all the parties and the fandom affected by this all.

That's all. Again, this is just my opinion, and I want to discuss it if people want to talk about it reasonably.

Please form your own thoughts after watching the stream, and try to keep an open mind. I understand this might drive a lot of people away, but I believe in the heart of what QSMP is.

This server and community are meant to unite people from across the world. Let's give it a chance to continue to do so, eh?

Edit for some clarification ;

I do not blame the admins for doing what they had to. I'm proud of the brave actions they took facing such a massive community head-on.

I just wish it all could have gone down differently, but we can't change the past, only hope for a better future.

[Here is a transcript of the stream from Twitter, please watch the stream as a priority though]

Edit 2: adding this too

[hyperbolicreverie]

Okay, so I wouldn't normally post something like this so soon after a chapter release but I have stuff to do today and my brain won't let me do them until I ramble about Thoughts. Meta under the cut, spoilers for Chapter 1054. 

So let’s talk about the admirals.

When we first see the original three admirals all together, there’s some pretty interesting theming going on, and I’m not talking about the names, but rather personality and design hints. On a sliding scale, we have Aokiji at one end, relatively chill and slow to anger, then we move through Kizaru and his terrifying neutrality, onto Akainu who is much more of an aggressive presence. We also get this with their colors: cool and calm blue on one end with angry red on the other end of the spectrum, Kizaru’s yellow again taking up the middle slot.

And that’s a really neat way of highlighting how different the approaches of even the highest, most exclusive echelons of the Marines are. It’s a great shorthand to indicate to the reader that the Marines are not quite as united as they pretend to be.

But where things start getting really interesting is when we replace two of those admirals.

It was nowhere near as…I hesitate to say obvious because we’ve only had Aramaki for real for two chapters, but the parallels definitely weren’t as clean. But as of this latest chapter, it does seem that we have a situation now where we have replaced the two admirals who left (either by resignation or promotion) with much more starkly defined versions of the originals—at least in regards to philosophy and beliefs.

We see this first with Aokiji and Fujitora: Aokiji is not terribly well aligned with a lot of the more aggressive philosophies in the Marines, and we do spend a bit of time showing that because of events like Ohara, he has spent a lot of time thinking about things like this. He learns and sees the injustices in the world over time, and finally steps up to maybe do something about keeping more strict and aggressive ideologies from taking over—and might still be doing so, if the thoughts that he’s an undercover SWORD member or just a rogue agent with an agenda bears fruit.

Fujitora is the next step in this thought process. He arrives at the marines already incredibly familiar with the cruelties and injustices of the world—and honestly doesn’t seem to want the job at all—and needs no prompting whatsoever to immediately start working to bring down part of the system that he sees as wrong. It is a clear escalation of the ideals on this side of the spectrum, which is appropriate, because everything about the post-timeskip era is an escalation.

(As an aside, I would believe Aramaki absolutely jumped at the chance to take the job, and maybe had a marine or government-adjacent or related job to start with, given the words that have come out of his mouth, but Fujitora is another story entirely. The World Military Draft is still a draft and that implies a certain level of not being given a choice in the matter. I kind of want to know what sort of thing you have to hold over someone like Fujitora’s head to get him to comply).

On the other hand, Akainu is a follower of Absolute Justice, where the ends absolutely justify the means, no matter how horrific. And to replace him, we have Aramaki, who has taken it a step further and declared that all those horrible things aren’t just situationally necessary but systematically necessary. So we get an escalation in the other direction.

And then we have Kizaru, as ever, sitting dead in the center and being absolutely neutral. No explicit morals or drive, and all the more terrifying for it. Kind of the living representation on what it means to not take a side.

Also, we’ve technically had an escalation in the philosophies of the leadership as well. I can’t speak to Kong because we mostly only know that he…exists, but the shift from Sengoku to Sakazuki is also one of these. Sengoku had a style that seems to have been much more grounded in keeping the status quo afloat, since the breakdown of equilibrium in the world would only cause chaos, whereas Sakazuki is much more “no compromises, no quarter” and is arguably helping accelerate that breakdown as a result.

This sort of evolution of beliefs on either end of the spectrum, especially considering they are increasingly at odds with one another, feels like it’s deliberate. This feels like it’s leading somewhere, and maybe this is just narrative hints at how bad things have become in the outside world—because we’ve been in Wano a long time and one of the best features of Oda’s world is that it keeps moving outside the scope of the focal characters. Actions have consequences, and ripple effects you might not expect.

But between this and the introduction of SWORD, I think it’s entirely possible we’re headed for a very public Marine schism at some point in the near future. There’s going to be a line that a lot of people aren’t going to be willing to cross, and Sakazuki’s vow to “strike back and return fire on all fronts” in the latest chapter sounds an awful lot like it could be the trigger for something like that.

Genuinely excited to see where this goes, and happy to see how the rest of the One Piece world is doing again.

[exozero]

It's here if you ever want to read it. I explain some of myself here, my history, but let me stress that none of it is me justifying or excusing anything, I just can't speak honestly about my own brain in those situations without referring to the events which I was thinking about constantly at that time. They're part of who I am, particularly part of who I was, I hope, but I'm not a domino, and my actions were my own. Above all, I hope sincerely for your health.

I'm realizing in the writing of this how petty all ny mental lineages are, and must seem. I don't know how much detail is appropriate, how much you care to know, since I obviously want to deliver what would be the most helpful, if that's anything at all. I also would like to be liked by you, but know that that is unfair to ask. Whatever my reasons, you were hurt, so I suppose I'm hoping that by just leaving this here, you'll only come upon it if you're curious, and you're free to message me or to never let me know that you've read it, which keeps it as something only you can give value to. I'm really sorry if this missed the mark or seems self-indulgent. Every time I caught myself trying to couch my language in comfortingly ambiguous corpo-type-speak, I tried to go the other way without crucifying myself (unfairly). I tried not to edit it as well.

Hey ,

I read it. I would look once in a while at your blog and your main account, mostly out of a lingering grimy feeling I've discussed in therapy and have not understood fully until now. Our dynamic, even with sex set aside, was exciting and with a (false, unearned) sense of security it felt as if we had this uninterruptable momentum, and I absolutely overly romanticized and let myself explain away actions I'd previously had considered necessitated, at the least, a long conversation with future precautions. I was rash and reckless and did away with the kind of getting-to-know-one-another time I generally find necessary to feel comfortable doing half of what we did so soon, and as the dominant within the dynamic I invited you to place your trust in me and you suffered for it, and for that I will always be sorry. My lack of care was awful and I fucking hate that you were saddled with the pain and confusion which goes along with having such an inconsiderate, uncommunicative partner.

What you've written is one of the most important things I'll ever read. I hated how our last conversation played out, but again figured you'd just never want to hear from me. Maybe that was a selfish shortcut to letting myself forget, though it didn't work.

I'm truly, deeply happy to know how you understand and appreciate yourself, from the inside out, though I hate only reaching this knowledge by seeing I've hurt someone I think so highly of.

You're right, I didn't understand. Over a longer time spent together I'd like to think I would have, with some luck, arrived at these conclusions, been able to be myself and allow you to be yourself fully and honestly, and to have grown more organically, if not while dating then as friends, and in a healthier and more holistic way.

Without a properly human process of un-coupling, where things might naturally arise, all we had was our word, and you said you wanted to be friends – and in a cruel fashion, I took that away from us. Not that it changes the impact of my actions, but I promise it did not come from any sense of dominance, but rather a past experience with someone I'd thought was just a friend. You, of course, did not deserve to be unknowingly linked to someone else's actions, I just didn't believe a joke (that was just a joke) was yet possible for us, and had a very old fear return of having to be on my guard at all times again, if we spent time alone together as friends. It's up to me to recognize and manage those triggers and I absolutely, abjectly failed. You have been nothing but the kindest and most giving person and I assigned to you qualities of the worst person I've ever known, and convinced myself I was doing you a favor by not stringing you along.

Aftercare also meant something utterly different to me, to be touched after sex something I felt (felt, rather than thought. Stupid) everyone needed to be eased into, as I thought I did. I approached it nervously because that was when I felt most vulnerable. When we got high and climbed into bed and you looked down on me and embraced my head and torso it felt wonderful and real, and I felt known in your casual grab of me, but I was also doing all I could to not shove you away. I was in that post-sex headspace despite us only lying, and ------ it's not so important. obviously I should have just asked more often, you always responded so positively, of course. idiot.

I don't have the best memory, but I know I never felt that you needed me, and I have always enjoyed that. I've never deeply enjoyed a person romantically if I felt they needed me, and I'm sorry we didn't establish a bedrock upon that fact first, that fact of mutual self-governance. I'd always felt we were spending time together because we got along, because we had a good time, and meeting your friends was nice because you and they are nice, but I had no other motives in regards to them. I've reread everything and can see how some messages to a friend were overly friendly. I had a limited circle in the city and admittedly spent too much time on instagram. They posted about their mother, mine had recently revealed she'd renewed ties with my abuser. And maybe I didn't make it clear enough that I wasn't dissing anyone's partner, but I had no idea they were dating, thought he was a cool local act since I'd met him briefly that day. Texting isn't talking, so it would have been smarter to apologize instead of just walk it back as I did. I get why, now seeing your view especially, an in the light of it all together, it would seem wrong, and explains why he was so odd when I was shopping a bit ago. Step one in seduction is generally not to insult someone's partner they're clearly head over heels for.

Freshest is the embarrassment of reading back our latest texts and seeing how I let myself go on, even while knowing how poorly I was representing how I truly felt, being short in the face someone trying to understand such basic moments of miscommunication, because... what? I hadn't slept in a day? I'd have had a coffee if I hadn't been loathe to confront a roiling mass of guilt as to how it all had ended. Horrible feeling, knowing you're in the process of allowing another part of your life infect and destroy a relationship with someone far better than decent.

Looking back lately, that has felt like its own singular regret, a last missed chance at communicating sincerely, and I remember the exact moment I chose to become defensive, a consciously destructive impulse. I've never been happier the next day for having chosen that one, but I can't imagine the disappointment and frustration you must have felt.

Nothing about this is satisfying, thanks to my actions, and probably won't ever be. I feel the urge to tell you more and more and more about myself, to make clear I'm not am egomaniac and did deeply care for you, but it's hard to reconcile the internal echoes with external effects, it feels like there's a step missing somewhere between them, and while I want to rectify it I think if I allow this to grow it'll become increasingly useless and unhelpful, self-pitying as well as self-loathing. The only real edits I've made have been to my sob stories, trying to keep my ego out of it. I want to be clear that I'm not at all saying it's all because I was myself hurt in some way... the goal is to be useful, and to be understood, to be usefully understood, understood usefully, but that use is just for you. You know my actions towards you and you know how they impacted you, but i can only imagine the only thing I can possibly do at this point is to give you all of the facts I have that you don't have access to yet, so that you're armed with a fuller behavioral picture of a part of the world which affected you moving forward. It's something I'd have wanted, but I don't think I'd have cared if I'd received this after so long.

I hope I learned something. I hope I was useful.

I'll post this here in the hopes you see it, and keep the account on, but it'll be dead. I don't want you to feel watched in any way – you have a right to your anonymity, and I'll leave you to it.

[featherlesswings]

I turned 39 today, and I’m feeling like I should share some wisdom.

Be silly. Don’t let the brain worms win: you are allowed to be silly and enjoy yourself. Probably nobody will laugh maliciously, if you’re not still in school, but if they do - that’s on them. They are jealous that you are free.

Wear what makes you happy (as long as it’s weather appropriate and covers what’s necessary for the venue.) Don’t let yourself get stuck in a “same outfit every day because if I change my style, someone will NOTICE and they will SAY SO,” loop. Also don’t let the old rules about these bodies being allowed to wear this kind of clothes and those bodies under no circumstances being allowed to wear that kind of clothes rule your life. Wear. What. You. Like. The worst that can happen is someone will be rude (and that just means they’re not worthy of your awesomeness,) and the best thing that can happen is someone who IS stuck in the old rules will see you looking amazing in the body you have, and think, “oh, I can do that too!”

Likewise with hair. If you’re not in some situation that restricts what your hair looks like, like a religion or a branch of military or some fancy office job where they have super strict dress codes : don’t be afraid to try something daring with your hair. Dye it the color you’ve always dreamed of. Grow it long, if you want. Cut it short, and discover your real face. If you wear your hair in a ponytail all day every day because you don’t like it to be down, but you’re afraid it won’t look good short : just get it cut! You can ask a stylist what they think would look good on you. It grows back, and it’s just hair! Hair is like fingernails. It’s not that big a deal.

Jump in puddles! Preferably with rain boots on, because I’m terrified of nematodes, but barefoot every once in a while is okay too. Doesn’t matter your age. Especially if you have kids, jump in puddles with them! I made one of the best friends I’ve ever had because she saw me jumping in puddles with my babies.

Trust your own instincts. Even if your whole life, you’ve been told not to believe what you see, not to trust your own mind. If something feels wrong, act accordingly. Don’t let the rules of polite society keep you from protecting yourself or pulling out of an uncomfortable situation. Trust yourself.

If you can, if it’s available to you, take care of your mental health. Whether it be therapy, meds, reading texts about similar experiences, meditation, whatever. Praying doesn’t count, I’m sorry.

Ask for help. If you have social anxiety or feel yourself getting overstimulated or know your own limits - tell a friend, ask them to help. I’m terrified of restaurants with overhead menu boards. My husband knows what I like, so when it’s too much, I have him order something he thinks I would enjoy. Don’t be ashamed to look up specifics online before you go somewhere you’re unfamiliar with, so you can have a plan.

Before making a decision that makes a big impact on your future, think about the long term. Don’t get a pet or conceive a child on a whim.

Tell your friends you love them, often. Show them, in whatever way is your way.

You will lose friends, over the years. It’s going to be okay. Some people are only meant to share a part of your life, not see it to the end.

If it’s available to you, get out in nature from time to time. Unplugged. This one is hard for me, because I’ve got to have headphones stimulating my brain all the time, but it’s important to let your mind loose from time to time, and being outside and being quiet can help with that.

Eat before you go shopping. Sounds simple, but it will save you money and frustration. Trust me. Honestly, eat before you leave home whenever possible, unless you’re going out to eat.

I know most Gen Z and Alpha folks already have this worked out, but you do not owe the world your immediate assimilation into the 1950s cardboard cutout life. My young women & AFABs : you do not have to get married and start having kids to be taken seriously as an adult. Those of you raised evangelical will know exactly what I mean. Take your time exploring who you are, who you want to be, and what you want out of life, before tying yourself to someone who might ask you to make yourself smaller and put aside your dreams to make room for theirs.

Do art! Even if it’s bad! Especially if it’s bad! Draw on envelopes & napkins! Get cheap paints and go wild! Water color sets & watercolor paper are not expensive. Doesn’t matter if it’s dollar store stuff, or even thrift store craft supplies. Make something with glitter. It doesn’t have to be something someone would buy. Art for the fun of making art, in my opinion, is just as important as moving your body every day if you can.

I will end with my favorite quote from Space Mom, may she rest in moonlight.

“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do and eventually the confidence will follow.”

- Carrie Fisher

[namorslutfanfiction]

Maria Elena Rios' official statement.

Disclaimer: Google translate is not always accurate.

Mexico City on June 15, 2023.

RELEASE

In my position as a woman and defender of human rights, I have made it clear and they have been able to testify that my person is based on solid principles such as consistency, truth and frankness.

Living in a country where we still have the need to continue changing the laws for a system that does not protect

to women and knowing that while we fight for this, at any moment male privilege can swallow us, is not easy. Despite all this, over the years I have built a voice and I am not going to allow a cowardly statement to try to reduce the violence that Tenoch exerted and continues to exert towards me for continuing to evade

your responsibility.

The statement that Tenoch made on his official Instagram account on June 12, 2023, shows the traditional and typical intimidation techniques of an aggressor and that come from the structures founded from the patriarchy.

Women who find ourselves in a vulnerable emotional process, when having contact with a narcissistic abuser, are dragged into a dynamic where the fear of mockery of our privacy stops us from donating.

The consensual acts at the beginning do not determine that they continue to be consensual all the time because removing the condom without warning IS A CRIME of sexual assault and in English it is known as stealthing.

After my public complaint, several colleagues approached me to share their stories and

unfortunately it is a Modus Operandi that Tenoch has exercised in a normal way for years and that

consists in:

Look for emotionally vulnerable women. Make her feel admired (you are a woman, you are pretty, you are intelligent, I admire you a lot, i have always dreamed of having a girlfriend like you, etc).

Fall in love with them

Earn their trust.

Use them as a sexual trophy.

Abruptly stop communicating and disappear.

Sometimes he goes back to look for her but only to have sex.

Disengage and not take emotional responsibility to later victimize yourself, if necessary.

They seek to clarify things.

This is preceded by a SECT, which apparently functions as a Collective, but which has appropriated an anti-racist discourse to gather a capital of followers and obtain personal ends named Poder Prieto, which protects it and will continue to do so because they are the The only people who can support him in his statements. Within the same group, women members, upon learning of my situation, told me things like:

"That's right, he's very stupid but he's trying to deconstruct himself, I'm sure," one of the actresses who founded it acknowledged before me.

-I listen to you and I listen to myself, I also went through the same thing but it did not affect me so much because I did not fall in love and I understood that it was a lie. Mana, it's that you were the new one in the group, let's say that you had to go through it mana and what he did to you is not cool but well, I'm just starting acting: Tenoch and Maya can recommend me-, another young actress confessed.

The same ones who turned their backs on me and attacked me to defend him.

How to denounce in a Mexican Judicial System if 94.8% of the complaints remain unpunished?

I am a survivor of an attempted femicide with 98% pure sulfuric acid, one of the most extreme towards a woman, after trying to reintegrate myself into society, I personally met Tenoch in December 2021 in a forum of "The first Prieto Festival but it was not until March 30, 2022 when

During a trip to Felipe Carrillo Puerto for a meeting of groups for human rights, we traveled together with other colleagues representing Poder Prieto. He courted me constantly and indeed, his friends from Poder Prieto are witnesses of that but they are not witnesses the intimate relationship I had with him.

During that whole week, I believed in all the nice things he said to me and I fell. I fell in love and it does not give me Shame because everyone gives what they have.

The statement that Tenoch issued tries to make me look like a scorned woman. It took me a lot of work to assimilate and process all these emotions but this does not mean what he wants to imply.

"What a coincidence that until now you say it" "Complaint in the Prosecutor's Office" "You want fame"

"You want money".

Tenoch, in order to victimize himself and confuse me, exerted and continues to exert Gaslighting on me (a pattern of emotional abuse in which the victim is manipulated into doubting their own perception, judgment or memory) and Pity Play (an attitude used by the abuser to distort the true story and appear as the damaged party and thus blame the other party) where the effect of "the flying monkey" arose, a term used in psychology to refer to who helps the aggressor to attack the victim and make her feel guilty. That They did it to me and I have proof of it, that is, all the violence that members of Poder Prieto exercised towards me to protect Tenoch and it is because of this situation that months later led me to leave that group.

In a despicable way, Tenoch tries to intimidate me by hinting that he hired a legal team to initiate the corresponding actions and protect his reputation. The civil route reconciles the parties and unfortunately the violence that I received and continue to receive from you, in Mexico is still not recognized and much less legislated as in other countries.

Psychopathic abuse is a characteristic that whiteness has against racialized people and Tenoch together with members of Poder Prieto, with the appropriation of anti-racist speeches, have exercised it with me and with other people.

Dare to talk about this situation is not easy and Tenoch with the intention of detracting from my statement and legitimate truth, with his lies he has generated hatred and puts himself in danger, since I have received threats to burn myself with acid from fans of the characters he has interpreted in the audiovisual medium. I tell them that I don't want money or fame. All I want is for this violence to stop and to be able to live in peace. The first step is to raise your voice to name them and put a stop to them.

I remind you that nothing justifies threatening, violating and intimidating women for raising their voices. The character is one thing and the person who plays him is another, and being dark-skinned never exonerates you from being a violator who abuses his power.

Companions, don't feel guilty if you also went through this situation with him or with other men. Unfortunately it's part of a shady system. Today we have to make it visible so that tomorrow it stops being an unpleasant reality.

Always firm, always strong because we are women and fear is behind us.

My immediate thoughts:

In my opinion the only situation that could be punishable by law would be the possible "stealthing". But that would be hard to prove.

Everything else is asshole behavior or fuckboy behavior but not a criminal offense.

[drakulateeth]

As a femme fatale, you must have mastered the art of always saying less than necessary. I'm also trying to master that, because I often feel like I say a bit more than I should and tend to regret it afterwards, so I was wondering if you had any advice on how to avoid saying too much both in general and in a specific situation (like how do I stop myself in the situation from that kind of behavior).

Hi dear,

Thank you for your ask <3

To be honest with you, my brand doesn’t align much with mystery. But I have gone through an oversharing phase that made me view life differently and last March I set out a goal for myself that I would not say more than necessary at all times, so I will share with you what has been working for me so far.

Starting point

First off all you need to know when you tend to overshare and when you tend to not talk at all. Then you can decide on what causes you to react like that, and what you think the appropriate reaction should be. And then you can create a war map on predictable situations.

I actually like talking to people and bonding like that, so it isn’t necessarily something I want to change, but I have decided that I do not want everyone’s feedback on everything, and that I don’t want to prove myself for the sake of proving that I am doing x, meeting with y, working on z. So I do think it is necessary for you to have some degree of awareness as to when and why you overshare. Being aware of the situation is the first step into improving it.

What to do when the situation arises!

Speak slower. Learned that trick from the days that my teachers would ask me something I wasn’t very sure about, speak slowly with a low tone. It appears like you’re in full control while also giving yourself some room to think. Take some deep breaths while talking if you tend to overshare and speak fast, not only do you exhaust yourself but other people as well. Just slow down.

Do a quick estimation of the situation, do you not know what to do with yourself so you just drown the other person in words? Do you feel awkward? Why? You need to know on what topics do you not want to give your input and on which ones you would not mind elaborating on. This is the most difficult part to manage, but give yourself some time, say 3 weeks of data gathering, do you can understand where you stand on.

And finally, keep the topics light. I know small talk isn’t that appealing and that people online hate it, but it isn’t the devil they make it, if you know how to socialize adequately it will not be that challenging (if not, acknowledging the situation is the first step in improvement) Maybe I am too busy and self centered because I don’t care to get really deep on all discussions, but that’s a part of myself I’ve made peace with (I don’t particularly enjoy being vulnerable in front of other people, so when someone shows all their vulnerabilities and insecurities unprovoked, it makes me respect them less and also adds them to my can take advantage of category) Discuss about things you have in common, movies, weekend plans, work, commute, weather, history, politics, whatever doesn’t leave you feeling bad after talking someone’s ear off.

As I mentioned previously this is a work in progress for me too, but I hope this could help. You will have to strategize according to your own needs and environment, but you can start by taking my opinion into consideration. If there was a one size fits all solution, believe me I would have found it by now.

For now speak slowly on a lower pitch and keep your topics light.

Happy hunting my maneaters,

snowblack

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw invalidation/being called a liar, people witnesses the abuse but telling a diff story and idk what I’m looking for really

How could my abuser have done things that caused me rage and grief and there were multiple witnesses but I’m so confused why they take my abusers side and tell me im both faking being the victim and making things up. How can I tell it I’m making things up? How can I tell if im abused or not? Victim or abuser? I think hard about this often and question maybe I genuinely am faking being the victim and im twisting events. Multiple witnesses I thought were seeing what I was seeing but they said they didn’t see the things I remember telling my abuser bout that I think they were doing at the time… and they even went as far as saying I was the abuser. I don’t know what to say or think. How can I tell if I’m making things up or manipulating myself into believing I’m the victim? How can I tell what behaviors are valid reactions to a person and what behaviors are abusive or instigating? With little memory to go off of idk if I just dreamt certain things as a kid and remembered it or idk what’s going on. Idk how to sort through everything.

I did find out though that certain witnesses were creating lies and I managed to actually find this out and see the curated lies/stories they made up to side with my abuser so that’s about 2 witnesses canceled and out. I won’t go through the whole details but that’s it. These two people are child abusers and definitely not trustworthy esp after being caught curating lies…

But the rest of the witnesses seem like normal people and haven’t proven themselves to be a liar or an honest person so I wouldn’t know why they took my abusers side. I’m saying abuser but idek if that’s who she is.

How can I actually tell?

It got to points where my abuser would do something she knew I hated and she knew was crossing a line I drew for myself bc I’d really make myself clear, and I’d say something cruel to her out of pure anger in the moment and every adult around me would go “HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CANT SAY CRUEL THINGS JUST STOP BULLYING, APOLOGIZE NOW” which made me feel like I was constantly given the responsibility of making all this stop but every time id try to stop the issues b/t me and her I seemed to only make things worse, I’d say something I’d regret and again, the cycle repeats of me having to apologize which I did, and then be responsible for this and stop what’s happening which I thought I tried but I had no control to stop it bc I can’t control my abusers actions but I can control mine, but I had a terrible time controlling mine which I apologized for every time but now I feel like I’m just using a victim complex…. I feel I tried to stop things but I feel it was so difficult part of the responsibility seemed out of my hands.

-🥩

Hi 🥩,

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through. While I don't fully know what happened, it sounds like your abuser purposefully gets a rise out of you, and then witnesses often miss the context and antagonize you solely off your reaction. This is known as reactive abuse. It's also possible that, for the people who seem to think that you were the abuser even if they witnessed it themselves, they may have normalized abuse in their own lives or perhaps they're abusers themselves, which could be why they fail to recognize the situation for what it truly is.

I don't think you necessarily have to apologize for your reactions because 1) you are reserved some grace because you're doing what you feel is necessary to survive in the moment even if it doesn't completely make sense and 2) your abuser is no less to blame, no matter what you do in response. But I also think that if you feel apology is appropriate then I think it's possible to balance taking accountability for your own behavior while simultaneously condemning your abuser's. Because when you get in the habit of apologizing for your reactions to the abuse, it can be easy for that to grow into enabling the abuse to continue as well (which is often the goal of people who deliberately take your reactions out of context).

When you're exposed to gaslighting, victim-blaming, DARVO, or antagonization, it can be easy to question yourself, your narrative, and whether or not you were the abuser. Determining whether or not you're making things up or whether behaviors are valid reactions to a person or abusive and instigating is generally on a case-by-case basis. But it's worth taking into consideration your open-mindedness, good faith, and willingness to improve, as well as the substance and productivity of the criticisms leveled against you. In other words, it sounds like you're open to learning from past behavior (even if you didn't actually do anything wrong), and it also sounds like those criticizing you are more so putting you down and silencing you rather than wanting you to grow or defend yourself.

If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could help you navigate and process this situation and its complex dynamics, and guide you along your healing journey. I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[non-electrical-outlet]

Debrief: 3/12/24 - Refer to this in Future Therapy

This is a personal note to help organize my thoughts in relation to seeking a yet-to-be-determined form of psychotherapy. I have recently quit my first private-duty caregiving job in an extremely unprofessional manner (wrote letters to patient and other caregiver/roommate, and left keys in envelope), and did so due to disturbed or narrow cognitive patterns that made me feel as if there was no other/better option.

Upon receipt of communication from my former patient, and ongoing reflection, I see now that there were better options available to me in order to exit the situation without causing unnecessary stress to others. I also feel much guilt/shame for my actions, and inability to see a more reasonable option. I currently believe that, as I have destroyed my former patient and former coworker's trust in me, that the best option is to move forward and address my mental health. Perhaps with time, and improved mental health, I may consider it appropriate to go back and seek to rebuild trust and offer future services. As of now/today, however, I am of the mind that seeking some form of therapy is the best option moving forward. I believe this because, in my current state of mental health/psychological unwellness, I would risk too much of my health in attempting to fix the situation as it is and as I am.

In seeking mental health services, I hope to gain insight as to the patterns of behavior and cognition that lead me to reach the situation I found myself in (i.e. continually and unquestioningly sacrificing my time and wellness in order to meet the needs of both my former patient and coworker, leading to a state of constant stress that left me unable to consider any less drastic action). Based on this hope/desire, I believe that Psychodynamic Therapy (as described in the TELUS Health article describing 3 different types of therapy) is the one I'd like to try first:

"The idea is to use self-reflection to examine unhelpful experiences or patterns in a person's life to see how they may have caused the negative emotions the person is feeling in the present."

If I end up desiring a different form of therapy, my second choice is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy:

"DBT works on the idea that there needs to be balance between two opposing views -- that of acceptance and change. This means the therapist works with their clients to help them accept their behaviors and emotions as valid and a part of them, while at the same time guiding them to build skills that will facilitate positive changes. These DBT skills are focused in areas such as mindfulness and emotional regulation."

Based on this recent experience, I believe I could use more mindfulness and emotional regulation skills. However, I still feel a want to pursue Psychodynamic Therapy first as I also feel that a deeper understanding of where my unhealthy patterns of cognition came from will help me with mindfulness of them.

...

Even after finally recording some of my thoughts, I still feel an underlying sense of guilt/shame. I found myself in an extremely stressful situation, yes, but still wish I had been able to handle it better. I know the kinder way, possibly healthier way, of viewing my recent situation is that I had never experienced it before and thus couldn't have known better about how to handle it. However, I still feel some self-directed pressure to be better in the future, to build resilience and skills that will improve my ability to handle future unknown/unknowable scenarios. Where that pressure turns potentially unhealthy is the thought that "I should have known better and not let myself get to such a situation in the first place." I am as yet unable to evaluate that cognitive process as entirely unhealthy, which is why I believe that therapy is necessary; What's done is done, and can't be fixed without further harm to myself. The only thing left to do is to address the issues that have been revealed to me, and seek to do better in the future.

For so long I held on to an adolescent sense of invincibility and overestimated sense of my capability, and intrinsic goodness as a person. I am compassionate to a fault, and refused to see the negative side to it until now. Going forward, I must take myself off the pedestal I now realize I've put myself on, accept both mine and others' intrinsic fallibility as human beings, and put in the work I now view as necessary in order to be the best, imperfect person I can be.

This has been a much needed debrief and dose of self-reflection. May the next one be soon, and less heavy.

Yours Truly,

M

[alezee]

Oh but Darling, Hate is Such a Strong Word

Steve is not an abusive alpha, by any means. But he is traditional, more conservative, and he does believe in respect. Something that omegas in this day and age have seemingly forgotten still exists. They don’t respect their parents, their elders, alphas, they don’t even respect themselves, it seems. He was born in 1918, raised through the great depression by a single and hardworking mom, he respects omegas moreso than other alphas in his generation because of this. But omegas now… well… 

Steve still works with the Avengers, and it’s given him very little time to actually try going on a date. Last time he tried going on a date, it went poorly. He didn’t understand that the omega just wanted a one night stand and Steve was thinking of it like an interview at the start of a (hopefully) long-term relationship.

Because he hasn’t had the time to try much since, he got a call from an omega centre. From a nurse who wants to release an omega that contracted chlamydia. He’s fine now, it’s been taken care of. But the omega in question has supposedly had a very lengthy, and messy history of getting injured from sexual activities, and also two STDs that have been taken care of. And they genuinely cannot release him unless someone else comes and collects him for his safety.

Omegas rarely require an alpha to take care of them, but in cases like this, it’s beyond necessary.

And because this omega doesn’t have an alpha, and instead just a very long stream of hookups, injuries, and STDs, Steve was called. Because who better to trust than Captain America. 

Steve goes to the omega centre, and finds the same nurse he spoke with on the phone. She checks him in and lets him know a bit more about the very sexually liberated (idiotic) omega. “James Barnes,” she says. “He is 21, and he works as a bartender… and also he does uhm… pornography.” She clears her throat. “He's clean, free of any other diseases, all tears have been entirely healed.”

Steve hums, and nods. “Anything else I should be warned about?”

“He almost bit off an alpha doctor’s thumb when he was taking his temperature,” he deadpans. “He’s pretty violent when people express concern for his mental, and physical well-being,” she clears her throat, “so he’s just sitting on a chair waiting for the alpha that’s going to be taking him home. And taking care of him. Uhm.. he’s…”

“Grumpy?”

“Violent,” she laughs half-heartedly. “I know he won't be able to harm you, Captain Rogers. But, as a warning, he is not happy about this arranged situation.”

“I could only assume,” Steve chuckles. “Thank you, have a good evening.” He gives the nurse a warm smile and nod before going to meet James.

James is sitting on a chair with his phone, mindlessly scrolling and hissing when anyone tries to say hello to him. He’s kind of pretty, really. He has potential, at least. His hair is unnatural and pink, and curly. He’s wearing too much makeup, and has too many holes in his face, where there don’t need to be holes. And his clothes are revealing and bold, and not at all appropriate. 

“James,” Steve says.

James hisses without even looking up from his phone. “My name is Bucky!” he hisses.

“Okay,” Steve says. “Bucky, look up at me.” 

Bucky looks up at him and growls. “Oh fun. It’s you. Captain fucking America. The responsible and mature alpha that's going to take me home and train me to be a perfect little fucktoy-housewife, hm?”

Steve looks at him calmly. “Those are none of my intentions. You’ve brought this upon yourself because you have put yourself in danger one too many times, to be trusted on your own,” he says. “I do not tolerate disrespect. So I will tell you once, what is going to happen. You’re going to put your phone away. You’re going to come with me. I will drive you home. And we’ll work on everything else from there.”

Bucky hisses and shakes his head. “I hate you.”

“Hate is a very strong word,” Steve sighs. “Get up, I won’t ask again.”

Bucky glares at him angrily, getting up and grabbing his bag. 

Steve takes him to his car, and then home. Bucky is dead silent the entire time. All the way up into the house. Where he darts. He genuinely attempts running out of the damn house. Steve picks him up and pulls him back. “Bucky, you’re acting like you’re a prisoner. This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been so goddamn reckless with your well-being.”

Bucky hisses and growls, thrashing around and clawing at Steve, both dramatically, and pathetically. “Fuck you, I hate you! An old rich white veteran from the goddamn Depression! You're going to be an abusive fucking piece of- I don't- LET GO!” 

The alpha just keeps holding him until he tires himself out and stops struggling. Steve sets him down and Bucky slaps him. 

And well, he did genuinely try to spare Bucky some peace. But he’s crossing every line.

Steve twists Bucky’s arm behind his back and bends him over the ottoman in front of his couch. Bucky keeps trying to get out of Steve’s grasp. Acting like a brat. He has no true reason to fear, or distrust Steve. Not even proof that he would be abusive or cruel to him. It’s not his intention, it’s not how he ever has or ever will treat an omega.

“Calm down, right now,” he growls lowly in Bucky’s ear, slapping his leather clad ass. The omega squeals, tugging against the alpha again. “No, no,” he slaps his ass again, “enough of that. Stop struggling, relax. You're going to hurt yourself squirming around like that.”

He slaps the omega’s ass a few more times, making him start to tremble but relax in his grip. He’s clearly never been disciplined a day in his life. The alpha does have to wonder if he had that available when he was young. If he had any kind of support system.

“Ow,” the omega whimpers into the ottoman, jerking as best he can when the alpha’s hand continues to come down against his leather clad rear and thighs. “Ow- okay, please stop,” he whispers.

Steve stops, because the omega is calm. He sits next to the ottoman where the omega is pushing himself up. “You’ve never had someone actually care about you,” Steve says, giving Bucky a look when he hisses at him. “Don’t argue with me. It will be okay. You will learn.” Bucky hisses again and Steve gives him a look again. “No hissing. I promise, I have your best interest at heart. As does everyone else who made this arrangement happen.”

Bucky sits down with his legs stretched out in front of him, he wipes his nose on his wrist. He looks at Steve with an expression that is almost trusting.

[cashapp-closed-my-account]

Why Cash App Closed my Account for no Apparent Reason?

Imagine waking up one day, ready to check your Cash App account and conduct some transactions, only to find that your account has been closed without any apparent reason. Frustrating, right? Unfortunately, this is a situation that many people have found themselves in. In today's digital age where financial transactions are increasingly conducted online, it can be distressing when a platform like Cash App suddenly shuts down your account. But fear not! In this blog post, we will explore why Cash App may close accounts seemingly out of the blue and provide you with helpful tips on how to retrieve your money from a closed Cash App account. So sit back, relax, and let's get started on unraveling this mystery together!

Why did Cash App closed my account?

One of the most frustrating things for Cash App users is when their account gets closed without any clear explanation. So, why did Cash App closed my account? Well, there could be a variety of reasons behind it.

Cash App has stringent security measures in place to protect its users and prevent fraudulent activities. If they suspect any suspicious or unauthorized activity on your account, they may decide to close it as a precautionary measure.

If you violate Cash App's terms of service or engage in activities that go against their policies, such as using the app for illegal transactions or violating money laundering regulations, they have the right to terminate your account.

Furthermore, if you fail to verify your identity or provide inaccurate information during the verification process requested by Cash App, they may also choose to close your account.

It's important to note that sometimes mistakes happen too. There have been instances where accounts were closed due to errors or misunderstandings on Cash App's end. However, reaching out to their customer support team can help resolve such issues.

In conclusion (not concluding yet!), understanding why Cash App closed your account can be difficult since specific details are not always explicitly provided. It's crucial to review their terms of service and use the app responsibly while keeping communication open with their support team should any problems arise with your account status.

How to get my money from a cash app that closed my account?

Losing access to your Cash App account can be a frustrating experience, especially if you have money sitting in it. But don't worry, there are steps you can take to retrieve your funds.

Reach out to the Cash App support team immediately. Explain the situation and provide any relevant details about your account closure. They may ask for some additional information or documentation to verify your identity and ownership of the funds.

Next, explore alternative options for accessing your money. If you had linked a bank account or debit card to your Cash App, contact them directly and explain the situation. They may be able to assist you in recovering the funds or transferring them elsewhere.

Consider reaching out to legal authorities if necessary. If all else fails and you believe that Cash App unjustly closed your account without reason, consult with an attorney who specializes in financial matters.

Remember, each case is unique and there is no guarantee of success in retrieving your funds. However, by taking these steps diligently and seeking appropriate assistance when needed, you increase your chances of resolving this frustrating issue effectively.

Stay persistent and proactive throughout this process – hopefully soon enough you'll have access to those hard-earned dollars once again!

What do I do when my cash app was shut down?

So, you wake up one day to find that your Cash App account has been shut down. Panic sets in as you wonder what to do next. Don't worry, you're not alone. Many people have found themselves in this unfortunate situation with no apparent reason behind it.

The first thing you should do is reach out to the Cash App customer support team. They may be able to provide some insight into why your account was closed and if there's any way to resolve the issue. Be prepared for a potentially lengthy process, as it can take time for them to investigate and respond.

While waiting for a response from Cash App, consider reaching out to your bank or credit card company. If there were any pending transactions or funds left in your closed Cash App account, they may be able to help retrieve those funds.

It's also important to review the terms and conditions of using Cash App. Make sure you haven't violated any policies that could have led to the closure of your account.

In the meantime, start exploring alternative payment apps that are available on the market. There are several options like Venmo or PayPal that offer similar services and might be worth considering as a backup solution.

Remember, patience is key during this frustrating time. Keep calm and keep reaching out for answers until you find a resolution regarding your closed Cash App account with money still inside it.

My cash app account closed with some money in it

In the end, it can be incredibly frustrating and confusing to have your Cash App account closed without any apparent reason. It leaves you wondering what went wrong and how you can get your money back. However, there are steps you can take to resolve this situation.

If your Cash App account has been closed with money in it, the first thing to do is reach out to Cash App customer support immediately. Explain the situation clearly and provide any necessary information they may require. They will guide you through the process of recovering your funds or reopening your account if possible.

It's important to remain patient throughout this process as resolving such issues may take time. Keep all communication records with Cash App customer support for reference in case further assistance is needed.

Additionally, consider reaching out on social media platforms like Twitter where companies often respond promptly to public complaints or concerns. Tagging Cash App's official handle might catch their attention and expedite the resolution process.

While waiting for a response from Cash App, explore alternative options for accessing your funds such as transferring them to another bank account or using a different payment app that meets your needs.

Remember, facing an unexpected your Cash App account closed with money in it is undoubtedly frustrating but staying calm and proactive will increase the chances of finding a solution sooner rather than later.

Disclaimer: The purpose of this article is purely informational and should not be considered legal or financial advice. Always contact professional help when dealing with specific cases related to personal finance matters.

[alizaxx]

Mental well-being among teenagers

Mental well-being. Being a psychology student I've heard these words often and when I was tasked with writing a blog on mental well-being among teenagers I was so excited! I quickly opened up my laptop and started doing my research and forming questions to conduct interviews. 

Mental well-being among teenagers has been a topic of buzz recently. We’ve all read about mental health and the different types of illnesses and their major causes. Through my research, I wanted to find out the top three causes of low mental health specific to Indian teenagers and come up with solutions that could help them. Keeping my goal in mind, I decided to interview three 13-14-year-olds in my apartment. These are children who have recently transitioned into teenagers and face various situations such as peer pressure, menstruation and introduction to social media. I believe these to be important factors affecting mental well-being.  

First, I decided to ask them about their relationships because I think having loving and supportive relationships is essential for mental well-being. All the teenagers claimed to have a positive relationship with their parents, but not to the extent that they could approach them for support when things got difficult. Even though they all got along well with their friends, none of them felt particularly comfortable talking to them. 

I believe this to be the number one cause of low mental well-being among teenagers, especially in India. They do not have a comfortable relationship with their parents and friends leading to them resorting to unhealthy coping techniques in stressful situations. In challenging circumstances they withdraw into themselves and seek refuge in sleep or food. 

The second cause that I discovered was social media. All the teenagers had social media accounts on apps like Instagram, Snapchat and Discord. All of them used social media every day for an average of 4-5 hours. Social media by itself may not be the problem but it is when you cross the limit that it starts to create problems in your personal life. Teenagers are very impressionable to content on social media and it is necessary to set time limits. Something new that I learned through this interview was that these teenagers are aware of the dangers of social media and yet they are so addicted to it that they are not able to break the loop. Here I believe parental involvement is absolutely essential. 

One more factor contributing to poor mental health is peer pressure. All of the teenagers I spoke with knew what peer pressure was and had experienced it firsthand. One of them even told me of an incident where her friends forced her to join social media and not tell her parents about it. Teenagers are at a stage in life where they prioritise their friends over their family. To improve their mental health, it is important for parents to make sure they make the right friends. 

One immediate solution that I think would improve the mental health of youngsters is support groups. A support group is essentially a group of people coming together to share their experiences with mental illnesses and discuss coping strategies. There are various support groups that are organised in hospitals and welfare centres. However, I believe that the most important support group is at home. Family is where the child learns the most. It is necessary for parents and children to build a rapport and create a safe space at their home for sharing. Every family must make the habit of spending at least one hour together without any gadgets to ensure the mental well-being of not only their children but also other members in the house. 

Additionally, schools need to set up counselling spaces with efficient psychologists and mental-health experts. These spaces must be set up with the idea of privacy and easy accessibility to students. While parents play a major role in a teen’s life they may not be able to provide appropriate guidance. School counsellors and professionals will be able to support and advise a teen more efficiently in case of serious mental health issues.  

Coming to the end of the interview I still had a question in my head. While parents and counsellors are available at the disposal of a teenager. What action must be taken if the person is not willing to seek help?  In many cases, teenagers are afraid of going for counselling sessions for fear of being teased by their friends or worrying their family members. What must be done in such cases?

In India mental illnesses are seen as taboo. If a child seeks help from parents for problems like anxiety or depression, parents may believe that the child is just trying to get attention. They believe they can 'fix' him or her and that it is just a phase. Teenagers are so afraid of their parents that they do not trust them enough to share their feelings and experiences. This leads to them withdrawing themselves from everyone which leads to various mental illnesses. Perhaps what all teenagers need is connecting and communicating!

Thats all for today folks!

aliza xx 

[scumsleeperagent]

Against Marriage By Sharon Rose

For three years after joining the Women’s Liberation Movement and calling myself a radical feminist, I lackadaisically thought that I would probably get married one day, if only to keep my parents happy…if only there were a suitable candidate, which there never was. Then gradually I began to realise that I couldn’t be against patriarchy, against the state, and against religion, and still be prepared to go through a ritual which represents the summit of patriarchal, religious and state interference in people’s lives.

I was brought up in a religious Jewish family where even the most commonplace actions — eating an apple, buying new shoes — are accompanied by religious ritual. I was confused about my sexuality as soon as I was aware of it. Perhaps as a result I developed, at an early age, a burning resentment of any demand for unquestioning obedience. And make no mistake, society’s demand that we should all be married is very heavy indeed. When my partner and I had our child ‘out of wedlock’, as it is so appropriately called, my 85-year-old uncle did not speak to my father (his 75-year-old brother) for a year, because, not only was he unable to ‘exert his influence on us’ to marry, he was also unwilling to do so.

I fail to understand how supporters of marriage can argue that marriage is no big deal, and does not make a difference anyway, when all I hear from them is the many benefits of marriage. Sorry folks, you can’t have it both ways. I know people who have got married to please their families (lots), to secure family inheritance (which is what it was all about in the first place), to keep a partner in the country (understandable, but in this case try and marry someone with whom you are not involved), or to prop up a fading relationship. (How many couples do you know who have been co-habiting happily for years, who suddenly announce they are getting married ‘to affirm our commitment to each other’, only to split up not long after? I know several — and they never send the presents back.) All of these reasons, and many others, illustrate the fact that marriage is a very significant institution in our society for keeping individuals in their place. If it were not, why would the state prosecute bigamists? It doesn’t prosecute the married man (they always seem to be men) who maintains a mistress, sometimes with children, in another abode, even though the situations are structurally identical.

Of course there are good human reasons for wishing to make a public statement of your love for another person, and though I have been thoroughly inoculated against ritual myself, it obviously plays an important role in many people’s lives. But in that case, why do almost all the pagans, humanists and secularists who organise their own ceremonies, also find it necessary to nip down to the registry office for a quick (average 8 minutes) rubber stamp from the state?

I don’t believe the answer lies in a desire to get entangled in a bureaucracy from which it takes a minimum of two years to get disentangled. Rather, I think that what motivates people to get married is their desire, however subconscious, to equip themselves with possibly the most important accessory of the modern marriage ceremony — a certificate of straightness. Getting married is a very public statement of your heterosexuality, and indeed of your intention to remain faithful to this one particular individual. Looking at the issue from this perspective was what finally allowed me to make the connection between my opposition to marriage and my bisexuality. For years I had been arguing the anti-patriarchal, anti-religious, basic radical feminist line against marriage, arguing also that it was a betrayal of my lesbian and gay comrades who had no such option of having the state acknowledging their unions, as they could never present themselves as heterosexual. (I understand why some lesbians and gay men sincerely believe that state recognition of their relationships would be a benefit, but I disagree politically and strategically with this position. Civil and legal rights should be available to everybody as autonomous individuals and members of society. And it is surely not wise, anyway, to seek legal status for oneself by reference to one’s relationship with somebody else. In seeking recognition for lesbian and gay relationships from religion and state, people are seeking dignity; but you cannot demand of others to grant you dignity, you must claim it for yourself from within your own heart and mind.)

Having argued the intellectual position for so long, I eventually realised that, in my heart, I could never make myself get married. The very thought of it made me feel ill, because, even though I currently live with a man, and look forward to doing so for many years, I do not, and never have, felt myself to be heterosexual. My first loyalty is to women, and the biggest betrayal of all would be to myself, if I were to publicly deny my deepest identity in favour of tying myself officially to a man, any man, even one so lovable and kind as my partner. We will stay together as long as it makes sense for us, not because of any artificially applied external circumstance. I appreciate the irony that to many people my lifestyle looks rather conventional (though this was certainly not of my choosing, but the result of 15 years of Thatcherism). All I can say is that I feel as if I am passing, anyway, which is not a situation I feel at all comfortable with. It would be so much worse if I were openly denying the most fundamental part of who I am.

(emphasis is my own)

http://feminist-reprise.org/library/sexuality-and-relationships/against-marriage/

[bwrtsouthwell]

BWRT or BrainWorking Recursive Therapy

BWRT southwell

BrainWorking Recursive Therapy or BWRT is a highly effective extremely helpful technique that was constructed from modern neuroscience. It is a new in addition to entirely unique curing intervention that is solution-focused and evidence-based. BWRT uses a totally wise, practical and down-to-earth method in which it may not be necessary for you to mention anything you'd rather not necessarily discuss - a therapist only must know how you feel along with how you would rather believe instead. BWRT is normally unlike any other treatments you may have heard of or even read about because it takes advantage of the latest discoveries around neuroscience coupled with your own personal unique brain process to help you feel more desirable.

BWRT southwell BWRT can be very efficient at easing (or also eliminating) Generalised Panic, PTSD, Phobias, Unreasonable Fears, Stress, Tremendous saddness, Anger, Social Worry, Low Confidence, Poor Self Esteem. The Knowledge Behind BWRT Your psychological responses to help every situation begin the process of in our subconscious most of a second before i am consciously aware of these individuals. This is because our depths of the mind mind (reptilian or simply basal brain) gets results much faster that our sensitive mind (neo-cortex). Which means our subconscious head determines how we answer life's situations, together with by the time efficient consciously aware of an item, we have already responded. The problem is that our unconscious mind doesn't think before it "acts" - it basically "re-acts", i. o. it does the same thing these have always done inside similar situations. Those pre-programmed reactions sometimes have worked in the past, they aren't always correct or helpful in today's. BWRT works within this half-second "cognitive gap" by changing that subconscious mind's outdated, unhelpful, default re-action to a new, a lot more helpful and more ideal one. So , as soon as conscious mind turns into aware of the situation, the idea receives a advantageous and appropriate principles, instead of the unhelpful (angry, anxious, depressive, bad or shameful) note it used to are given. Anxieties, phobias and additionally addictive behaviours typically make no logical sense because they begin and are sustained ahead of rational mind can be consciously aware of what exactly is occurring. The careful mind remains unacquainted with all subconscious adventure, so the conscious intellect cannot understand, concern or control this subconscious mind. Most people can't decide to never feel anxiety and anger, because through the time we are consciously aware of it, it can be already happening, which means we can't not allow it. Symptoms take place as a result of the basal brain routing it's reaction via your limbic system to make anxiety. All warning signs (anger, fear, worry, panic, trauma, misery, shame and grief) are anxiety-based. Your basal brain starts our psychological techniques. The signal gives through the limbic method where an psychological and mental response is additional. Finally, the psychologically charged signal attains our neocortex in addition to we become consciously aware of the situation along with our emotional a reaction to the situation. By the time period our conscious your thoughts is aware of what's going on, our own bodies is already responding to a limbic system's sentimental response. So , in the event that for example , the limbic system elicits some sort of anger response, our system is already generating rage before we come to be aware that we can be angry. Our knowledgeable mind can't undertake much about it due to the fact (1) the frustration because it is already occurence, and (2) it's an undeniable truth that cannot be waived, so all we can easily consciously do should be to wait for our wrath response to calm down. A activation of these incorrect and unhelpful developmental responses can be "nipped in the bud" prior to when they blossom towards a full body aware experience. This is where by BWRT can work her psychological "magic"… The application works directly inside the half-second "cognitive gap" to replace the undesired response with no matter what client prefers. For the reason that as long as the client might think about the problem, BWRT can resolve that! BrainWorking Recursive Treatment method BWRT Skype together with Zoom sessions in the UK to any location Brain Working Recursive Therapy® is speedy and effective remedies that provides an entirely normal way to help rewire your thoughts and over emotional reactions.

[markjoshualuz]

Building E-commerce Web Sites: Where Do I Start?

Developing an e-commerce website cannot be described as being exceptionally straightforward. There is a dizzying array of goods and services available, any one of which could either help you move in the path that you have chosen for yourself. take your website or leave you bewildered. 

It is essential that you pick the appropriate decision regarding the decisions at the beginning of the process in order to avoid the situation where you will need to reorganize your entire e-commerce website due to a problem with the design layout. The level of dedication in terms of time that is necessary to become an expert user of many of these software packages can range from very little to a great deal.

The process of creating an e-commerce website isn't straightforward. A wide array of services and products can aid you in getting your website exactly where you'd like it to be or cause confusion. It's essential to make the correct decisions upfront to ensure that you don't need to redesign your entire website due to some issue with your layout. The amount of time required to master most software programs can vary from very little too highly substantial. In this regard, I think it's crucial to steer in the "right" direction to ensure you're not spending your time in areas that aren't worth it or learning a program that may not be helpful in the future 

The best place to start depends on what you intend to achieve and how far you'll be diving into. Suppose you want to build a professional but simple-looking e-commerce website with no automated features or complex animated graphics. In that case, you'll probably be able to get by having a basic understanding of HTML, proficiency with an influential WYSIWYG editor, and image editing software. However, if you're seeking to create something sure to impress your visitors, you should think about spending some time and learning some animation abilities using software such as Macromedia Flash. I'm a firm believer in what I believe will give me the most revenue with the least amount of work, and due to this, I often spend all my time using only my HTML editor, WYSIWYG, and the image editor.

What exactly is a "WYSIWYG" editor?

What You See is What You Receive, or WYSIWYG HTML editor allows you to create-commerce websites without much knowledge about HTML. That's right. You don't need to know all there is to know about HTML to make a professional-looking e-commerce website. When you use a WYSIWYG editor, it interprets what you're working on (inserting an image, for instance) as a specific sequence of HTML tags with attributes and does the rest for you... So, what you will see on your display is exactly what you will see. Instead of seeing a lot of HTML code in the text, it's more likely to show what you see on your computer once your website is live while creating it. I strongly suggest using the most current version of Dreamweaver -- it's well-known for being among the most effective HTML editors based on generally accepted standards. Dreamweaver's interface can be described as very user-friendly it comes with an FTP client and has been specifically designed to work for both the coder and the regular webmaster.

Image editing? What is it I'm looking to do?

Okay, let's be honest in this: If you're planning to build a professional-looking web page for your e-commerce website, it's essential that you create basic, good-looking graphics. Many graphics issues will be solved; however, in terms of performance and flexibility are concerned, I suggest Adobe Photoshop. Adobe Photoshop takes some time to master; however, it's incredibly satisfying in the end. I've used my expertise in Photoshop to designing not just designs for various websites but also retouched portraits, flyers, business cards, and other online advertisements like banners. I've used it for various purposes, except for animated images. It also includes Adobe Imageready, which is very adept at animation. The software is fantastic, and if you're looking to learn any editing program, I recommend starting with Photoshop due to its broad range of general practicality!

Let's make some sales!

Launch your brand new e-commerce website you've built out of your understanding of image editing and web mastering with some new deals. Does that sound like a good idea? Pay-per-click advertising is the most efficient way to get things done in a hurry. BUT WAIT! Isn't it expensive? Well, Yes. However, with the tools provided to us by the most reputable pay-per-click marketers, we'll be able to estimate the amount of Profit we're likely to make with no initial investment.

The main question with pay-per-click advertising is whether it's worth the money if you can gain traffic through regular search engine results (otherwise called natural traffic). In the end, many companies promise to get your site the traffic you require by mixing your e-commerce website for organic rankings. The answer is very straightforward Profit is Profit. Utilizing tools for conversion trackings like those provided by Yahoo! Search Marketing and Google Adwords, anyone can calculate precisely how much they earn after the cost of PPC advertising is removed. I think Google Adwords has the most user-friendly interface out of all the PPC advertisers. Google Adword's interface makes it easy to identify what keywords bring in the highest number of sales and which aren't worthy of your advertising budget.

Don't overlook that to perform those conversions, and we'll need an online shopping cart! You can download many different software applications; however, I've used Mal's E-Commerce Free shopping cart for many years with tremendous success. Its servers are hosted on their servers, which means that you not only save money by not needing to pay for the program itself but also get rid of the necessity to purchase an SSL security certificate! There's nothing better than free, is there?

Make those sales leads that you've been working on buying!

After you've made some sales, it'd be prudent to begin using some lead management service. I strongly recommend using autoresponders to accomplish this. Autoresponders serve as the sign-up for newsletters that allow you to decide on the type of email you'd like to send each lead within a predetermined allotted time. For example, you have a visitor to your e-commerce website and send them an email newsletter for free. If you sell an eBook on a complex subject, you could consider offering only the basics initially to draw them in. Gradually but surely, you will make those customers who may have left your e-commerce website and never come back into a substantial income stream.

[titoist]

for the past few days, i've been in the midst of a very horrible, & somewhat *cataclysmic* - i think, in the moment - identity crisis. i've managed to have *most* of it not spill over onto my writing, here. but i believe it's pretty obvious i am at the behest of its influence. through a naturally arising set of circumstances, i found myself... for the most part, *identity-less* following a "dissolution of self" that occured last september. in order to fill that void, paint that blank canvas, i began molding myself after a person i admire incredibly thoroughly. occurring over the course of the better half of this year.. the way they went about things felt so unprecedentedly *right*. it felt genuinely impossible not to take after them, at least in some ways. and it still does, simply on the condition of knowing they exist. i've admired them for years, & years now. but such a process of... 'appropriation' started very slowly, only *really* beginning last november. yet, by... around march-april of this year, perhaps, i went about it with an almost messianic flair, compulsively re-reading their writings, over & over, constantly pondering what they would do in any given situation - attempting to live life as closely as possible to a sort of projected idea of what *they* live life like. this led to a lot of very tortuorous self-suffocation and prodding as i constantly contorted myself, my sense of worth being kind of inexorably tied to how similar to them i was being - at least, in an implicit way. & a short while back, i finally came to the definitive conclusion that i had been dreading i *would* come to, for awhile: that i am suffocating myself under the pressure to conform to this abstract ideal beyond reason, & if i keep doing so i will be so unsure of what i am that i will fold in on myself and die. for lack of a better phrasing. but, in the face of this, a very unfortunately necessary, tangled question raised itself: alright, now that we've reached the stage where i am aware i need to make my identity sincere again - for the purposes of simplistic phrasing - in order to be happy... how much of myself is 'genuine', and how much of it is 'oppressive', self-imposed structure? a follow-up question: what would the process even be for determining such designations? a follow-follow-up thought: it could be argued that *all* of your current identity is built on this sort of... arbitrary appropriation process, no? that you are its product, in a deeply set way. therefore, it stands to reason that you should likely take a hammer to *all* of it - wildly brandish a sledge against your head over and over and over and over 'til you finally shatter to pieces, & something wholly new can grow in your place from the rubble. extrapolating from this, if you opt to not do such, one can logically assume that you'll simply continue stagnating - the very most foundational aspects of yourself are corrupted, and continuing to entertain them is decidedly regressive. a follow-follow-follow-up thought: well, i think i understand where the previous thought is coming from. it's certainly an easy one to come to, keeping all revelations in mind. but i also do think that it's needlessly histrionic, in the sense that... i feel as if it lays bare a very overtly *silly* tendency of mine, to view my choices as being contingent exclusively on 2 different extremities - and that's it. either everything about myself changes, or nothing does. well, i don't think it has to be that way. not *really*, anyway. i like myself, for the most part, and i don't think i have to decimate myself entirely to unlock some Secret Cure of my own design. i have to cease indulging in my facets which seek to contort my personality through force, due to an anxiety and insecurity that i must, or else i will be a thoroughly underwhelming person. everything else will flow naturally from the cessation of that regressive behavior, for better or for ill. that's my conclusion for now. maybe.