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sugugasm · 1 year

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#2 : SLUT CERTIFIED ! — eren yaeger

꒱ ➛ CHAPTER SYNOPSIS : the first taste of sluttry.

˚◞♡ who ?? : eren yaeger x black fem! reader

˚◞♡ word count : girl…don’t even ask i lost track </3

˚◞♡ chapter warnings : minors DO NOT interact, mentions of female anatomy, fem! reader using she/her pronouns, somewhat bimbo reader ??? mentions of major asshole connie, mentions of player! connie ꒱ i’m sorry ꒱ , use of profanity, oral penetration, body worship, loss of virginity, mentions of reader crying, pet names such as [ mama, baby, angel, love, pretty girl ] detailed, slow-paced smut, a little bit of a cliffhanger bc i LIVE for drama. ˚◞♡ author’s note : we back we back we backkkk !!! hello and welcome to the second chapter :) BUT FIRSTTT !!!! THANK YOU FOR THE POSITIVITY YOUVE GIVEN ME FOR THIS SERIES I LUV U ALL <33 i know i’ve been very absent and i know y’all have been WAITING. i am actually so sorry, but my mental health was calling my name :/ BUT WE ARE DOING BETTER !!! last but not least, excuse any errors, you guys r the best and i hope u enjoy 🤍 reblogs and interactions are always loved and earns u a smooch

eren stayed over that night. not out of fear of waking you, or to avoid alarming you with the sound of your door creaking open, but because he felt pitiful of himself. if he’d left, you’d know something was wrong. he’d rather be petty and silent than obvious and pissy. besides, if he would’ve left, he wouldn’t have been able to wake up to the smell of fresh eggs, grits, and french toast with a simple side of fruits to top it all off.

eren makes his way out of your guest bedroom, nose following the mouth watering scent of food that polluted the air in your home, “goodmorning, rennie,” he hears you announce, still stirring at a pot sitting on your kitchen stove. his eyes wander, looking at the two plates resting on the kitchen island, as well as the two seats that wait for you both to obtain them.

“morning.”

“someone’s grumpy,” you say, watching him untie the bun in his hair and shake it out as if he were a wet dog, “i made some breakfast…if you’re hungry. you don’t have to eat it..but, um..”

“do you have sugar?”

“what-“

“for the grits.”

you awkwardly laugh, a bit put off by his straightforward demeanor, but choosing not to look into it too much. after all, it was 6AM — a sunday too. you didn’t blame him for lacking a bit of a pep in his step.

“o-oh yeah. um, it’s in the pantry, at the top on the left.” eren’s mood was hard for you to abstruse. you couldn’t tell whether he was angry, sleepy, or just being plain old moody, but deep down you’d hoped it was anything other than the first.

“i thought you hated sugar on grits. last time i gave them to you, you said you would never eat my food again,” you jokingly refer, but he only shrugs like before.

“people change.”

you build the courage to start somewhat of a conversation. this was weird. it was like a stranger was just walking around your house. you could usually hear eren making noise before you in the mornings when he chose to stay the night ; showering early, blasting his playlist as loud as he can to wake you, having more of the zoomies than your hyper cat — but now, he just seemed so .. quiet. eerily quiet.

“so, what do you have planned for today?”

he shrugs, “don’t know.”

the answer was simple, but it seemed to have given you more of a worry than a relief, “well, it’s gonna’ be nice out today. i also saw a strawberry field i wanna’ see. ooh! okay so, we can get lunch, go pick the strawberries, and maybe get icecream afte –“

“i have some rules to add.”

rules? oh, rules. the rules you abruptly created out of fear after he’d made you cum with just the simple movement of his fingers, “okay, uh, great. what’d you wanna’ add?” you wait for him to answer, watching him practically inhale the food off of his plate that you’d just placed down only a few minutes ago.

“for starters, we aren’t a couple, so we aren’t doing couple shit,” he begins, and you immediately want him to retract that sentence. you didn’t know why hearing that gave you an intense pain in your heart, but you hated the feeling, “like holdin’ hands, goin’ on dates, etc.”

“but we – we always hold hands, ren.”

“yeah, but you’re with connie. i don’t think that’s appropriate now, do you?”

oh. using your own words against you. how mature of you, eren.

“no, no. you’re right. i um.. i guess i didn’t think about that one.” you couldn’t look at him. you were almost embarrassed to. not only had you been the reasoning for this tension, but you were the one who was behind the master plan. you were the one who asked him to do this. you were the one who blatantly said it was strictly educational.

you were the one who promised yourself you wouldn’t take it further than it needed to go.

eren was just playing the part.

“i’m gonna’ hold off on the nicknames outside of the bedroom too. don’t wanna’ make you uncomfortable so i should leave all that to your boyfriend, don’t you think?” your tongue runs across your lips, unsure exactly what to say. you had no reason to be upset, especially if you were trying to pursue a relationship with connie.

“heard me?” he asks, shoving the last bit of his food into his mouth.

“you’re being a dick.” his ears raise like a hound, a bit taken back by the authoritarian tone of your voice. eren sits and watches you begin to toss the used pots and pans in the sink, not bothering to wash them — which was nothing like you. you’re turned around, back facing him with your hands left to pick at your fingernails.

“how so?”

“you know, eren, i actually think you should get going. i have a lot of errands that i need to get done before our next session so..” eren clears his throat and doesn’t say much else. your words left a bad taste in your mouth and his — you feeling bad and him feeling worse. it wasn’t that you wanted him to leave. if anything, you wanted him to spend the whole day with you, but knowing that the simple physical tendencies were no longer present in your friendship would drive you crazy. you found comfort in one another — whether it was a touch of a hand or a pat on the back, there was nothing else in the world that could bring you the clarity your platonic love resinated.

but that was gone now.

“when you wanna’ start the next —“

“i’ll come over tonight after my last class. that way we can finish this and i’ll be out of your hair soon enough, like you want.” your demure smile said everything you needed to. eren could read you like a book. he’d obviously agitated you with his petty choice of words, but it didn’t make sense of why. you were the one who wanted rules to begin with, and as of right now, eren could already feel a lump beginning to swell in his throat, “alright then. just hit me when you need me,” he forces out, getting up to grab his things.

you don’t reply, you only watch him leave.

“love you.”

your silence was enough to make him head to the door quicker. he waits a moment by the exit, out of your sight, but sticking around to hear you say it back.

but you don’t.

in fact, you don’t say a single word, at least not until he leaves and is already inches away from your home, unable to hear the slight sorrow in your voice as you wipe away a small tear, “love you too, fuckin’ asshole ..”

after eren’s departure, the house was more silent than it was when he was here. yeah, you technically kicked him out, but if you knew the heartache you’d get from it, you easily would’ve chosen the silently petty route just like he did. you were left to contemplate bout what you could’ve said and done differently, what you could’ve accomplished if you’d just been more patient with him. but then again — eren was cold to you this morning. he seemed to have let his emotions get in the pathway, causing him too to make choices he wouldn’t usually make.

and that’s why you felt the need to see connie. the connie who was the root of of the argument that ruined your monring, the connie who you’d grown so fond of. he was also the same the connie who had showed up to your home rather later than expected though. when you texted him a few hours prior to your class ending, he’d said he could be at your doorstep in ten, but ten turned to twenty, and twenty turned into an hour.

and soon, that hour became three.

you assumed he’d probably gotten caught up at work again ; one of the main enemies in your relationship besides eren. his boss seemed to always be holding him back longer, regardless if his shift was scheduled to end hours prior. it made no sense, but like he always said, ‘more money i make, the more i get to treat you like the princess you are’ — but anyway, you couldn’t exactly hate him for it.

how else would he be able to buy you those cute little pandora charms and pretty mini skirts?

you’re drifted from your thoughts as a notification illuminates your screen and you happily skip toward the front entrance of your home without even having to check to see who it is. connie — standing tall at your doorstep with a pretty bouquet of roses resting in his arm. the diamonds in his studded earrings gleaming in your gaze. his hair was buzzed a bit lower than it was the last time you saw him — now dyed with hearted patterns all around.

he looked good, as always.

“hi, pretty girl,” he greets you cheerfully as if he hadn’t just showed up almost three and a half hours late. you sit there with your arms folded, giving him that same glare you always do when he did these things.

“i know i’m late, baby. i’m sorry! y’know how it is. i just got caught up —“

“at work.” he gives you a sad smile, pinching your cheek and puckering his lips for you to give him a kiss. of course you give in, allowing his lips to press against yours in a quick peck ; which eventually leads to him backing you into through your door and shutting it behind him. his lips felt different — swollen almost, like he’d been kissing someone prior.

“new lipgloss, huh? i like the taste.”

before it could get too heated, your manicured hands find their way to his chest, stopping him before he could move any further, “heyhey, not so fast mr. ‘m still kinda mad at you y’know,” you say, running a finger down his shirt all the way to the hem.

connie kisses his teeth, rolling his eyes a bit, “here the fuck we go again,” he walks away before you can even begin to voice the remainder of your frustration.

“don’t be like that. you’re the one who can’t seem to say no to your manager. you don’t have to work overtime every fucking time she asks, y’know.”

here we go again indeed. he’d only gotten here no less than ten minutes ago, and you both could already find yourselves wanting to be apart, “i have bills to pay. working overtime isn’t gonna’ kill anybody.”

“well it’s killing me! i barely see you anymore, con,” your lips form a frown, connie shaking his head in response.

“and what, that’s all my fault? you’re always at school, or studying, or playin’ footsies with eren every weekend. i should be the one doing all the scolding.”

your eyes widen, tears threatening to spill from them as you swallow deeply, “get out.”

damn, yn. second man you’ve kicked out today in a row. look at you doing god’s work.

“what?”

“i said get out. i don’t wanna’ see you.” you don’t even dare to look his way, too angered and confused to do so. connie doesn’t even try to put up a fight. he immediately starts to grab his keys, almost as if he were waiting for those words to leave your mouth.

“y’know what, cool. talk to me when you’re done with your little tantrum. i don’t have the patience for this shit today.” those last few words spit fire straight into your chest. his words hurt, but seeing him walk out of that door and slamming it behind him without a care in the world hurt worse. the only thing playing in your mind was the painful scene over and over again. the tears that you had managed to suppress earlier had begun to resurface, your vision becoming blurry and the lump in your throat swelling harder than it ever has.

connie had never spoken to you like that before — the lack of giving a fuck very present in his tone of voice. you felt horrible, and confused, and almost regretful about letting him into your home to begin with. this wasn’t the man who was treating to dinner on a rooftop after your hard day all those months ago, neither was this the man who gifted you not one, but two promise rings for your birthday, or the man who you couldn’t stop bragging to your mother about.

this was someone else.

there was a tear in your heart, and fighting this alone would only cut it further. it’s funny, it’s like even when you’re angry at eren you can’t help but to think of him. you can’t help but to vision how badly he would’ve beat connie’s tail if he heard the same words you did.

so, you decide to shamefully push your pride to the side, heading to eren’s earlier than expected — and of course, when you arrive at his doorstep with watery eyes and a puffy nose, his disgruntled expression softens within seconds. you didn’t have to say much, or anything at all really. the faint sounds of sniffles coming from you were explanatory enough. no matter what had happened this morning, or what might’ve been said and done — he was still your best friend. at the end of the day, seeing you smile was the only thing that really kept him going in this life. right or wrong, argument or not, he was there, and he always would be.

anytime, any place.

“you wanna’ tell me what, happened? hm,” his soft voice rumbles, a hand burying your face into the warmth of his chest as you let the tears fall and stain eren’s t-shirt, “it was him wasn’t it?”

the two of you hadn’t yet moved inside. you still stand in the middle of your doorway, rocking from side to side as you let eren ramble on with his theories, “hm? what’d he do to you?”

you cut him off, shaking your head from side to side as you wipe your face, “c-connie and i .. w-we had an argument .. “ you hiccup, incapable of even getting the words out. he knew that. that’s why he continues to comfort you, even with the rush of hearing the devil’s name leave your lips and the amount of anger surfacing to the shore in his mind, your waterworks are the most important right now.

but trust, if he could leave and beat connie’s ass to a pulp he would, but to abandon you in this state would be criminal.

“what’s been goin’ on?”

“it’s a long story.”

“i got all night, love.”

eren was right. he did in fact have all night, and you’d taken that opportunity to tell him everything — connie’s lack of attention, his inability to care, the amount of stupidity you’ve felt for the last few weeks ; he listens closely to every detail, only responding with minimal to no noise as connie clouds his consciousness. eren couldn’t fathom how someone as sweet, kind, and genuine as you could be put through such pain like this. all you’ve ever done is give and give and give, and knowing an insensitive bastard could fuck all of that up for you made his blood boil.

“i just don’t get it, y’know. i-i mean he was so sweet to me when i met him. always wanting to be around me, making the effort to see me — i just don’t know w-what changed,” you express, fingers swiping away the tears that stained your puffy cheeks and swollen doe eyes.

he expresses his concern with just a simple huff, chewing on his bottom lip as he waits for you to finish your sentence. eren knew the answer. it was as easy as two plus two, but explaining it to someone as attached to connie as you would be almost impossible to persuade you to believe the truth — which was that he was just no good for you. eren wished — no, he dreamt you didn’t see his constructive criticism as jealousy, but then again, it was easy to portray it that way.

“he’s always been this way, yn — inconsiderate. he’s just gotten better at keeping it hidden longer.”

eren was expecting some sort of defense to come out of your mouth, but you don’t give it to him. instead, you obtain the somber expression of gloom casting over your usual sunny skied face.

as much as he wanted to tell you the blatant truth, eren quickly remembered that the power of words were truly bigger than man, “look, y’know how i feel about the guy, but if you really truly want my advice — from a friend’s perspective, i say you start lookin’ out for you. i know you like him n’ all, but you gotta’ start caring about your well being more. he’s putting you through hell right now and he doesn’t even have the decency to check on you.”

you nod because, well, it was true. eren was completely in the right. it was always about connie and moving on his time, but in reality, a relationship can’t ever even begin to work when both parties aren’t putting forth the effort. like the famous truth, ‘if he wanted to, he would’ but that was the thing with connie. there was no sense of want in this relationship unless it was coming from you. it was a hard pill to swallow, but these past five months with him had been purely carried by your energy and your energy alone.

if anything, it was a miracle he’d been around this long.

“i just don’t understand what i did wrong ..”

his blood boils all over again, a sheer amount of red on his flushed ears as eren can already feel himself becoming angry for the second time tonight. wrong? what you did wrong? how dare he — how dare he make you think so poorly about yourself? was connie insane — seriously, eren had to genuinely think. a woman having to second guess herself in general was horrid, but you? the woman he’s carefully watched sprout into a vivid, forever blooming flower since the small age of 9? the same woman who deserved the world in the palm of her hands?

nah, no way.

“don’t piss me off. for real, don’t.”

“m’ not trying to .. just think maybe i —“

“you really wanna’ sit in front of me and speak ill on yourself like you aren’t one of the most beautiful women i’ve ever laid my eyes on? and m’ not even talkin’ just physically — fuck that. m’ talkin’ spiritually, mentally — you don’t even realize your worth, mama.”

you let out a mix of a laugh and a scoff, “you really think that about me?” eren dramatically throws his head back, and places his hand on his chest, causing you to smile for the first time in a few hours.

“think? you serious? i know what i’m saying. he’d be a fuckin’ imbecile to lose you.” you don’t dare to stop his tangent, especially after hearing what’s to come out of his mouth next, “you’re sweet, you’re intelligent, charismatic, and prettier than you’ll ever begin to know. you’re ...” he stops himself, picking at the black polish on his fingernails, “perfect.”

you both look at one another, both of your eyes meeting at the same point as your breathing patterns become unsteady, the thickness of the air starting to become rather suffocating. eren’s words were delivered with such ease, and it wasn’t even in his usual, corny smooth talking manner. you could tell how much he’d regretted letting that sentence exit his brain though. his head was held downward, a scene of his chest rising and falling as the regret began to evolve into worry.

“you’re so sweet to me. ‘like you have a crush on me or somethin’.” your joke flies right over your head, because well, you knew damn well that would be one of the craziest things reality could throw at you. eren on the other hand, only lets out a forced laugh, playfully shoving your arm.

“mmch. whatever, mutherfucker.”

once your laugh diles down, there’s a comfortable silence in the room before you clear your throat and address the elephant in the room — the elephant that's been sitting quietly in the corner but had been aggressively knocking at the door in your mind over and over again for the last ten hours.

“eren..”

he turns to you again, those pretty eyes finding their focus in yours, “hm?”

“i’m sorry about this morning .. i should’nt have y’know .. kicked you out.”

“nah, it’s nothin.’ i know we just gotta’ get used to this whole thing. i should’ve just respected your rul —“

“but i kissed you back last night,” you interject, “i just…reacted badly, and i- i didn’t know how to respond to that. we’ve never been ...”

“that close before.” you’re eyes meet his once he finishes your sentence for you. eren’s were low, but still pleading as if he was waiting for the next few words that were scheduled to leave your mouth any moment now. yours were reddened — probably from the enormous amount of tears you’d shed throughout the time of connie’s departure, but also from the fact that you hadn’t blinked in a few seconds, not wanting to miss a single second of the sight of him in front of you.

“i’m still curious, y’know … i haven’t been the best student, but i’m still willing to learn some more.”

“i’ll do whatever you want me to do. just say the word.” his mouth was held open long enough to catch flies, and his steady breaths were morphing into a soft hyperventilation. you don’t say a word. neither does he. you both just send each other that look — the same look that was shared when he was on his knees devouring you not too long ago.

you take usage in his words, “i … i want you to kiss me, eren.” you’re scared to move. not only because of the amount of anxiety running through your body right now, but from eren’s physical reaction. he looked like he’d seen a ghost.

“but last night you said –“

“i know what i said.”

he tilts his head, eyes not leaving your lips as the rush of kissing them begins to come back to him. he missed it. he missed it so much, and god, what he would give to feel them again, “lemme’ hear you again.”

“i-i want you to kiss me,” you repeat, and you take notice of the look on his face. his eyebrows were furrowed, nose almost as close to yours as it was the night before, “please kiss me, eren.”

“again,” he instructs, and you do. you keep repeating those words until his nose is brushing against yours, along with your foreheads pressed against one another’s — both too scared to find yourselves as desperate for each other as you were last night. eren hears your whispers, the sound of your sweet voice begging him to kiss you making his heart feel all the more swollen.

“can i?”

instead of answering his question with a sentence, you answer it with the thing you’d been wishing to do for the past twenty four hours — you kiss him, and you kiss him gently. your lips felt like dainty feathers tickling his own as your hands found their way to either side of his face. eren doesn’t question you, because he too was feeling the sparks flying over his head just like the first time. he still had his arms resting on the back of the couch, not yet touching you in fear of crossing the line — although, there were about to be many lines crossed tonight, that was only one many that he needed to be worrying about.

you want to feel him, you want him to feel you, and you start to whimper when you notice him pull away for a split second, but you go quiet when he pulls you into his lap by your waist. you fit so perfectly in his grasp, his hands firmly gripping your love handles while you try your best not to hunch your body against his.

but that was becoming impossible.

his cock was right underneath you, hard and clothed — his deep denim jeans poking at your ass as you sit. you hadn’t yet resumed kissing, but this was far more enjoyable. eren’s hands rest on your thighs and the moment he feels you drag your clothed cunt along his lap, he groans — loudly, too.

the shorts you had on were thin enough for eren to feel your folds rubbing on him, and your missing underwear underneath didn’t do him any justice. he was trying hard – so fucking hard not to completely forget that he needed to take his time with you. there was only one thing stopping eren from pulling his dick out and fucking up into you like his life depended on it, and that was the fact that you were new to all of this.

the same realizations from before boggle his mind again, “please tell me what you want from me, yn. you’re drivin’ me fuckin’ crazy right now.” ashamed, eren shuts his eyes at the sound of his own desperation, yet you were equally as desperate as he was. both of you were fighting the urge from tearing one another apart – your reasoning being the fear of feeling those butterflies tumble around in your tummy again. it was wrong. you weren’t supposed to get those around him. he was just eren – your longtime, bittersweet, lovable bestfriend. you shouldn’t have wanted him in this way.

but you did, and you still do. and there was nothing in sight that could change that.

“i want you inside me..”

that’s when you felt a thump underneath you. you lightly gasp, surprised at the feeling but also aroused. something kicks inside of you, and you kiss him — yet again. eren almost immediately gives in this time, refusing to feed into his hesitation as previous. the kiss is messy and the motion is quick, but your hips – oh those hips, were moving slowly.

“you have no clue what you do to me.”

you nip at his lips again, “show me. what do i do, eren?” you keep winding your hips as you continue to taunt him with your lust filled eyes. your back arches and your globes poke out just a bit, the middle of your shorts pushing against your clit, “i can feel you. you’re so hard.. i-is all of that from me?”

that last line most definitely was your confidence talking, and although those jitters were still present, the power of your body taking over you.

“hold on to me.”

eren abruptly starts to rise up, and with you in his arms, he carries you down the corridor to his bedroom, which is on the right. as soon as you proceed in, you notice the distinct smell of his musk and a tiny candle burning in the corner of his bookshelf. your back touches his black, satin sheets as he lays you on the bed, making you shudder due to their chilly temperature.

eren continues to place small kisses all over your legs. you hadn’t yet seen his face since he laid you down, given how eager he was for his lips to be on your skin again, he was practically swimming in your aura, “you are so beautiful …” he mumbles, kissing your calf and up to your ankle. eren then gathers both of your legs, pulling you forward enough to where your ass was hanging halfway off of the mattress as your upper half lays prettily before him.

there he is, on his knees for you yet again.

“i can’t believe it get to touch you like this,” you close your eyes feeling his lips press against the pudge just above your pussy, too easily flustered to even dare look at him, “in all of your glory … bare just for me to see.” his lashes bat in a daze, a breathy laugh leaving his lips when he sees your hips squirm under his contact. you were so worked up, such an easy button to push — but time, time is what this would take.

“e-eren, you’re teasing …”

“am i? or are you too nervous to tell me what you want so much that you’re willin’ to sit there and let me frustrate you like this?” his pixelated eyes hold a menacing glare with yours, but you’re too busy trying to fix your gaze upon anything other than him. the way he was taunting you during your first time was sickening, stimulatingly sickening.

“i want you …”

“what was that?”

“ ‘want you eren, fuck! just do something already!”

eren releases a chuckle and pats your thigh twice, “that’s my girl.” after he says this he wastes no more time diving in. eren starts off with a wife tongue lick to your cunt, beginning at your ass, then slowly licking his way up to your clit before wrapping both lips around the swollen area. he had yet to tie his hair back, so to your advantage, your hands run through his coffee locks. you pull and scratch, making him grumble against you with pleasure.

you hate to admit that you missed the glee you got from feeling him lick you. but something so wrong felt so fucking right. it didn’t help that eren was practically a god when it came to eating pussy. he was treating you as if you weren’t still new to the feeling, but you loved it. you craved it. you needed it.

“t-that feels so fuckin’ g-good, ren- ohh!” your hips move in sync with his mouth, rubbing your cunt against his face as he follows your path, “waitwait – oh fuck!” you’re losing it, and you’re starting to lose your patience along with that sanity. he was slurping, kissing, licking and penetrating your pussy with his tongue and he had no remorse while doing so.

“awe, baby, you’re so wet … all that from me?” he mocks your previous words with a smirk, and that’s when eren slips a finger in without warning, and to be honest, there was no need to. if anything, you needed to be warning him for the messy orgasm you were tiptoeing around, “you get so tight when i use my hands, don’t you? so cute .. think you’re bout’ to cum for me already.”

“yesss! yes, i wan’ cum. i wanna’ cu-f-fuck,” his fingers tickle your gummy walls along with the impact from the tip of his tongue flicking against your clit — creating the perfect combination for nothing but pure bliss, “don’t make me beg for it, angel. just let go for me. give me all of it ..” his encouragement was doing its damn thing — the knot in your belly starting to untie itself on eren’s behalf. your body begins to convulse, jolting around and twisting all the which of ways he hoped it would.

“b-baby .. eren … i’m fucking c-cummingugh – oh!” eren quickly intertwined his hand in yours as you squeeze his knuckles for support through your life changing orgasm. you were too busy making the flesh on his hand turn pale from how hard you were holding on to notice the pet name that casually came out of you.

“yeah .. yeah, let it go just like that ...”

as he says this, you start to panic when you feel the certain pressure of your bladder being full. his finger is still working your hole, not pulling away for anything or anyone — not even you. eren sees your small hands trying to pry his own away, but he simply stops you by restraining the same hand pushing him, “r-ren, i don’t- i don’t know what’s — please, oh my ..” you babble.

“i know, baby. i know.” he holds eye contact with you, feeling your walls begin to tighten around his fingers yet again. that’s when he moves faster, jabbing his finger in and smoothly adding another to completely rupture you. his hand was cramping, but he could take that on any day if it meant he’d be able to see you fall apart, “you’re there. you’re right there, you feel that?”

eren’s question not only earns a loud whine from you, but it finishes you off completely. so much so that you couldn’t even pronounce a single word. the only thing you could begin to make out was his name, and even then, it was just hoarse whines and sappy gibberish. you don’t see it, but he does. he sees it all — the spurts of your cum covering his hand, the way your chest rose and fell with each unsteady breath, your eyes looking into the back of your skull with your lips parted softly — you were fucking breathtaking.

“good fuckin’ girl,” eren huffs, dragging his fingers from out of your walls. as soon as he does, he gently pets your pussy, soothing the sore area with his hand as he uses the weight of one elbow to lean over and place kisses onto your temple. your body is still coming down from its peak, and your vision was still foggy — but you still needed him. you still craved his touch like you had a sweet tooth.

“you okay? didn’t hurt you did i?”

“n-no. more, ren, i just wan’ more …” your pleading eyes search for his lips, and once you find them, you inch closer by default. eren seals it for you, pressing his plumped ones onto your own. you feel the same fingers that were inside you creep up to your chin, then lips — trails of your wet essence lingering on your skin, “are you sure, yn?”

you bite your lower lip and nod slowly, running your hand up and down his bare chest, “ ‘m sure .. please — i wanna’ feel you.” there’s one more peck shared before he gets up. rising to his 6’4 frame, hovering over your resting body as his hands scramble to remove his belt. one loop after another, your heart rate induces, seeing the v-line that threatened to spill from his pants as he finally reaches the buttons on those suffocating jeans and you’re forced to finally take in his physique while you wait.

you knew eren was built. he always had been, but ever since he’d taken on the job as a mechanic, you could see him gradually grow stronger over time. all of that heavy lifting and damn near bending over backwards to fix outdated and damaged vehicles good as new was a tough job, but he made it look so easy. it wasn’t until now that you could actually get a good look at him. he’d abandoned that coltish, leaned look back in highschool, now carrying the weight of broad shoulders and a barrel chested front. you couldn’t help but to stare, especially with him having abs sharp enough to be a blade.

“stop eye-fuckin’ me. you’re making me nervous,” eren shyly grins as he continues to strip off his clothes. what you weren't anticipating was the sizable cock that was about to emerge from his black hannes boxers in a matter of seconds. you watch as eren’s thumbs gently pull the cloth of the waistband over the broad girth that sits inside of his underwear. when he’s finally freed, you can hear him lightly hiss, and his dick practically springs out like a door hinge against a wall. it was thick, inches galore, and hard as fuck by the looks of it. your eyes follow the blueish greenish veins petruding from the base of him all the way up to the rosey, strained tip. it looked so soft at the touch, so pent up, so … edible.

you watch as he moves over to his nightstand, snagging one of the condoms from it and ripping it open with his teeth. as soon as you see him lower his hands to his cock, you stop him, “can- can i put it on?” he pauses his movements, a bit taken back by your question but not exactly opposed to it — the thought of your soft hands coming into contact with his dick was a vision he’d give anything to see.

“yes-yeah, go for it,” he nods, handing it off, stepping closer into your vicinity to make it easier for you, “do you know how to put it o – aw .. f-fuck waitwaitwait -“ eren didn’t need to finish his sentence, because once your cold fingers wrapped around his base he was in heaven. your grasp was so light, but the feeling of your hand on him felt so heavy. it was taking everything he had not to cum from the act of your touch alone.

you, on the other hand, were in awe, taking the rubber in one hand, holding his frustrated dick in the other while you ease the material around his shape. eren let’s go of a small groan, throwing his head back as his belly pokes forward and back in at the pace of his breathing.

you were amazed.

“oh my god ..”

so amazed that you didn’t mean to say that aloud, “what? what’s wrong?”

“nothing .. you’re just … big.”

he shyly, and nervously laughs, “what, don’t think it’ll fit?” if you were speaking by just the looks of it — no, it didn’t look like it’d fit. you were a virgin for crying out loud, that thing looked like a fucking weapon.

“hmm, m’ a brave girl i’ll be fine. i promise. i would tell you if i wasn’t,” you ease. eren nods, looking down at you as you blink your pretty falsies up at him with a smile on your face, “now hurry before i dry out.”

he shakes his head and laughs at your attempt at humoring the mood, but that laugh fades once you spread your legs for him again. eren looks down at you, looking at your sprawled out figure in awe. you still had your shirt on. no bra, so simple to see your hardened nipples through your baby pink tee. you looked so pretty, so needy, and so ready to take him like this wasn’t your first time around.

“i know you’re excited, but please, yn, tell me if i’m making you uncomfortable or if m’ hurtin you. i don’t care if it’s the smallest touch, please. tell. me.”

“mkay.”

“yn, for real. if you aren’t comfortable, punch me or pinch me or someth —“ ”

the amount of concern in his tone humors you, giggling a bit as you say, “i know, eren. i said okay,” he gives you his eyes once more before beginning to climb on top of you, your thigh being skimmed by the tip of his cock as he places both of his arms on either side of your head. he’s so close now. not on his knees, or beside you, or somewhere in front of you — no, he was right here. face to face so much so that his shaky breaths trickle your nose as he tries his best to keep his breathing steady.

eren balances back on his knees as he grabs ahold of his cock, tugging at it a little so that precum coats his tip and fingers as lubricant. you were already wet, but he needed to make this somewhat easy — he had to, for your sake and his. hurting you just wasn’t something he had on his agenda. so he takes the extra mile to make sure — a glob of saliva falling from his mouth and onto his condom covered base as he strokes it.

“f-fuck …” he moans, swallowing as his thumb runs over the pumping vein just before his tip, and once he’s done prepping himself, he sits his cock directly onto your belly — the tip of it stopping just at your shimmery-pierced bellybutton. he shakes his head from side to side, gassed at the knowledge of knowing how deep he’d be inside of you, “ima’ slide it in, okay?”

you nod at his words, and when you do, you wrap your arms around his neck, “deep breaths. take deep breaths for me.” you hear him, and you do what he tells you, inhaling and exhaling as you feel eren’s cock sit right at your folds, “i’ll give you just the tip for right now, okay ..” a whine gets caught in your throat as he rubs himself in between them, your wetness making a pretty sound that fills his ears with lust. he even taps it on the surface a little bit, a small ‘pat pat’ — testing the waters, seeing just how arroused you’d gotten from him and only him.

“m’ gonna take care of you, i promise.”

“you always do, ren.”

he kisses your temple, then your cheek and nose, “you ready?”

your chest rises and falls with one last deep breath, your head falling back onto the pillow behind you, “ready.”

eren hears your consent and it slowly begins — the first attempt at easing himself past that first barrier with as much care as he could. your body flinches and you whince, and almost immediately eren starts to remove himself from your entrance, but you stop him, “ ‘m okay, ren, ‘m okay. just feels so ..”

“different?”

“yeah .. d-different,” he looks at you for approval again and you give it to him, your eyes dropping down to look in between your legs as you see that you still have so much more to go. this was just the tip, and even then, it still wasn’t all the way in. how difficult would it be to take the full thing? no matter how soft his strokes were or how painless he could try and make the process be, eren was huge — and with a curve too. you’d be lucky if you got out of this without a limp tomorrow morning.

“we can take it slow, okay? don’t strain yourself, just take me slow … ” when his palm touches the side of your face, his thumb brushing your bottom lip, you almost immediately feel a tiny bit of relief. you nod and you sense him once more, his tip piercing your skin and leaving a sting in its wake. it was a painful stretch, no doubt about it. out of every account you've heard of losing your virginity, you can infer that after this point, everything really just depended on that individual person. you’d heard mixed opinions, and you’d always assumed the worst. but honestly, in this moment, you could only come to the conclusion that it all depended on the sensual nature of you and your partner’s relationship.

yes, you were in pain, but you were so drawn to eren that you wanted to push through it. “a-aah- oh my— fuck!” your eyes are shut so tightly that you start to see white spots in the inside of your eyelids. you feel eren’s hand reach down to your clit, trying to steer the uncomfortable stretch away from you by rubbing small, kind circles repeatedly as you huff and let out strangled whines.

“you okay? you wan’ me to stop?”

you shake your head, “nonono — just .. h-hurts ren.” he feels your nails clawing at his forearms. you, on the other hand, not even realizing your fingers were leaving deep crescent marks on his flesh. he didn’t mind it though, not at all. in fact —

“bite me. scratch me — do whatever you need to do, baby ..” eren’s forehead was already beginning to perspire as he spoke, and his hips were carefully advancing to slowly deliver you every inch — although, he was rather heartbroken to witness your reactions, “i just need you to feel good.” your pain was almost too much for him, almost enough to make him want to call this whole thing off, but on your word, he continues. he continues to watch your every move as your eyes sit on the verge of watering whilst his cock softly splits you in half. you heed his advise, lifting your neck a little for you to bite down on his shoulder and leave marks in your wake.

he continues to guide himself in while his palm rests on the back of your head, pulling you in closer into his neck as he whispers into your ear, “just a little more to go, my love. you’re almost – shit – there.”

“r-ren … nnn – f-fuck!”

“i know, sweet girl. i know.”

he kisses you to divert your attention away while the stray tears on your face fall to your lips, the tang of salt hitting both of your taste buds. you push through the pain and let him give you a little bit more. before you bottle up your next set of cries — he’s fully in, and when he is, you can see the small bulge in your belly from his cock when you look down. eren patiently allows himself to sit deeply in your warmth, letting your whimpers simmer down as you become more and more used to the full feeling in your tummy, “there you go. nice n’ slow, let it sink in just l-like that …” your mouth is held open, and the only sounds that can be heard from you were small gasps of relief from finally getting the hard part over with.

“well would you look at that? you did it, s-see?” he shudders, mainly speaking to you, but also patting himself on the back for not cumming within the first ten seconds of being inside you.

“i-i did, didn’t i?” your hand hovers over the spot on your stomach, rubbing the area where you feel him most. he watches you closely, he too, stunned from reality hitting him right in the chest like a wrecking ball, “s-shit, eren … ‘s so deep.”

eren jeager was inside you.

and eren jaeger was about to fuck the shit out of you.

“does everything feel okay? didn’t hurt you too much did i?” you shake your head, taking in a deep breath as you close your eyes, “you still with me, yn?”

“yesyes, ‘m here.” eren takes this as an opportunity to wipe your tears with his thumbs, sending a quick kiss to your lips while smiling. you’d gotten through the hard part, and now? now it was time for the highly anticipated fun, “y-you can start moving now …” eren hears your voice softly say. he gives you that look you knew rather well — that look of ‘are you sure’ knowing damn well you were more sure than you’ve ever been about anything before. you gladly give it to him, cheekily grinning a bit as you nod your head up and down.

eren gradually sits up on his knees, palming the backs of your thighs softly as he peers down at your figure under him, still snugged comfortably inside of you. he was plainly freaking out and, to put it mildly, astonished. when his eyes met yours, that’s when the air felt heavier than it already was, along with the same feeling of fluttering butterflies in his tummy dancing along to the beat of his racing heart.

he begins to move in the direction and pace you want, slowly pulling his cock in and out of you, scared of hurting you still even after hearing you repeat ‘im okay’ to him over and over again. you attentively observe his furrowed eyebrows and bitten lip, and the sight causes your walls to swell and pulse. the ache that had almost felt intolerable a few minutes ago had begun to eventually subside, leaving you simply with a tickling sensation now.

“god .. yn - fuck..” he pants, steadily swinging his pelvis straight into the back of your thighs as his balls slap lightly against your ass, “pussy’s s-so tight, mama ..” he wasn’t lying at all. in fact, you were squeezing him so tightly that he had to use enough force to pull himself out of you. he hisses, feeling the wind get knocked out of his chest by just looking at how well you were doing. he was so proud of you, filled with so much elation while being inside of you that it almost felt like a dream he would’ve never thought would come to life.

“ ‘ssss .. it feels — eren … please —”

“feels like what, hm? tell me all about it ..” the tone of eren’s voice is soft enough to soothe you some more, but deep enough to bring you to unintentionally clench around him. your warm walls smothering his cock, and your eyes watching him move in and out of you as your chest heaves.

“feel s’ full,” you babble and he hissed out a laugh. that’s when you spread your legs wider, feeling comfortable enough to get into the hang of it. although you were new to this, you found yourself suddenly wanting more.

“mhm, pussy’s eatin’ my fuckin’ dick up, isn’t she? you feel so goddamn good …” eren keeps his steady pace, delivering deep, slow, strokes to your cunt before sitting up to lightly massage your calves and feet. he keeps eye contact with you, and even though yours refuse to keep their focus on his, he doesn’t stop. he doesn’t stop losing himself in both you and your battered pussy, squeaking with every dirty line leaving his lips. your arms reach out to wrap themselves around his neck, and he easily picks up on your gesture — now hovering directly on top of you, balancing himself on one forearm while his opposite hand grips at the headboard above you — minimizing the weight of his body on yours.

“sh-shit — ouuu, eren!”

for a moment, there’s only silence in the room. besides your minimal breathing and eren’s small groans that he failed to suppress were the only sounds that could be heard through an echo. both of you bask in one another’s presence while you let the tranquility of the moment steer you of to sea. “h-harder, ren .. please, harder,” you lightly tap his shoulder with your fingers to gather his attention, eyes batting rapidly as you try to keep consciousness from the amount of pleasure you were feeling.

“harder? baby, you look like you can barely keep your eyes open,” he laughs attentively, looking down at the droplets of sweat beginning to fall down the sides of your face. yeah, he was right, you could barely open your eyes, but you had enough strength to flutter them and give him an annoyed, yet needy, glance.

a soft sigh escapes his lips and that’s when he seizes your request, pushing his cock further into you — as deep as it could go and then right back out again, a suckle being left behind. you whine — no, you scream, “oouh - fuck, eren, just like t-that,” almost loud enough to send a concerned expression to eren’s face, but when you claw at his biceps he soon realizes it was a scream of pure ecstasy.

“ah, shit. yeahyeahyeah, talk to me, baby. you’re takin’ it so fucking good ..” his tone is taunting and well past just casual dirty talk. he was digging deep, verbally and physically, saying shit just to bring a reaction out of you — curious of what he could say and do to make you squirm and sniffle around him, “greedy lil’ pussy. takin’ me in so easily on her first run — you’re bein’ so good to me, princess.”

“ren — oh my god … r-right there, right there, right there — shit, eren!” his words had gone right over your head. too lost in the the way he dips his hips deep into your core to even dare to speak anything more than a string of moans. your lips form a pout, and your eyes roll to the back of your head when you suddenly feel eren’s tip poking right at your g-spot — which, he proudly didn’t take very long to discover. you didn’t know it yet, but the constant pressure against your womb would be building up soon — creating a rather diabolical sensation for both your mind and body all in one.

“where? right here?” the question is followed by a strong, but still conscious thrust. slow, yet powerful. steady, but mighty — eren now driving himself into you right where you wanted him, “awe, baby, did i find your spot? like when my dick kisses you right here, don’t you?” you can’t speak, nor can you begin to fathom why on earth eren was making you feel so lightheaded. disregarding the pleasure and the present circumstances, you felt alive. you felt like you couldn’t get this amount of euphoria from anything or anyone.

it wasn’t just the movement of his hips, or the nasty serenading words leaving his mouth, or even those angelic eyes that held an untold story — no no, it was the amount of emotion he brought you. the amount of love he’s shown you. the way he held you with such grace and tenderness like you were easy to shatter. it was all too surreal. the feeling, the gestures, the warmth — everything .. he was everything.

“faster! faster, please eren — nnnn y- you’re so deep ..” you clench around him, your pussy sucking him in more and more as he continues to drive you into shambles. your eyes travel down, focusing on the way he had to pull in and out of you with more force than needed simply because of how hard you were squeezing him. with each passing thrust, you could see his tip poking at your tummy over and over, forming a bulge right below your belly button.

“aah, shhhit, gonna’ make me fuckin’ cum, b-baby.” he nervously snickers, trying to hold on as much as a could, and god was it hard. eren could almost find himself becoming overwhelmed. there were too many things to focus on — between your expressions, lustrous eyes, and small grunts — he could cum right then as he spoke.

“o-oh, so close .. c-close, m’ so close rennie .. please let m-me cum with you ..”

you have a siren voice, one of command and alluring undertones like you were singing a symphony to pull anyone into a trance — and that’s exactly what you did. you words had much power, and eren suddenly feels a knot untying in his belly, the same knot as you. you both huff and puff, whispering small praises to one another like you’ve been in love for ages now.

your hands reach the sides of his face, carefully pulling him in closer for a kiss. you feel him meet you half way, closing the space between you both by kissing you like you were an an antidote he so desperately needed. he tugs on your bottom lip softly, closing his eyes and melting into you as he tries his hardest to bring you both to the finish line.

“c’mon, baby, c’mon. cum with me — cum all over this dick,” eren unconsciously fastens his hips, sending strong, and now sloppy, thrusts to you. you feel him deep, deep in your stomach. so much that you feel the urge to push against his toned tummy due to the overwhelming power he had over your body, “nah, don’t run. t-take it just how you were. i know you wanna’ let it go ..”

“eren .. i’m cumming, baby … i’m cumming — oh god …” your eyes slam shut and your swollen clit is caught by eren’s thumb as he rubs circles over the agitated flesh. the wet squelching sound of your cunt was almost loud enough to drown out your moans as you find yourself shakily wetting up eren’s dick, “renrenren, wai — unngh!” your legs stutter closed and he opens them right back up, only this time, grabbing onto your hips and fucking you at an angle to carry you all the way to the end.

you push your head back deep into the plushed pillow underneath your neck, bawling your fists as the commotion in your stomach is finally fulfilled. there are tears in your eyes, followed by desire and pleasure — not to mention the creamy noise of your pussy sucking in eren’s dick with no problem, “y-yyes .. yesyesyes — erennn!”

he’s quiet — or rather focused, concentrating on your trembling figure while feeling his own orgasm begin to pool over rapidly, “fuckin’ christ,” he groans hoarsely, his hips bucking as he’s cumming deep into the condom that would soon threaten to burst from the amount of essence he would let go. eren’s body nearly smothers your own as he loses his balance, hugging you close as he finishes. he buries his head in the crevice between your neck and shoulder, drool pooping from his mouth and onto your skin as he tries his best not to go limp.

his thrusts are slow to none, body shaking from the overstimulation. you press your chest against his, your nipples still stoned from earlier while you embrace him through his climax. you’re breathing hard, and so is he — lost in one another’s eyes as a million thoughts begin to crowd around you both. eren studies your ancy hips that still wiggled for more as he kisses your collarbone, down your chest and all around your stomach. he’s still inside of you, snugged deep along your walls with his tip puckering against your cervix. you felt sore, yet still so needy even after cumming all over both his dick, and his fresh sheets beneath you.

“jesus .. yn that was —“

“so fucking good.”

eren nods, his wet lips placing kisses on both of your cheeks while his calloused hands cradle your head, “yes, so fuckin’ good — you were .. so fuckin’ good,” he holds you close as he pulls himself out, grunting into your ear as your pussy still clenches down onto him without much effort. once he’s out, woe and behold, he slides off his messy condom and tosses it into the trash can near you both. before you knew it, eren was heading straight toward the bathroom, with you in his arms — bridal style. he carries you straight to the tub, ushering you to sit on the toilet and pee right before deciding to run a mixture of warm and semi cool temperatured water.

“i know how i can be .. was i too rough? y’know .. besides the beginning?” there’s a puppy dog look in his eyes when he asks this. your eyes trace the small tattoos on his fingers, those same fingers grazing the flesh on your inner thighs as eren wipes away the made you’d both made with a hot cloth first. he looked so sleepy — and how couldn’t he be given the amount of effort he’d put into making you feel the best that you possibly could. he cared so much, almost too much — so gentle and patient, light with every touch and phrase.

“don’t think too much, you were everything i could ever ask for ..”

scooping you up again, he places you in the bath that’d been calling your name since he made you finish the first time tonight. he shrugs and shakes his head as a smile creeps up on his lips, “psh, you’re just talkin’ ..”

“nono, seriously. thank you for being so sweet about .. all of this,” eren attentively pays close attention to your words, his hands now caressing your legs and french-tip painted toes as he sits next to the tub, watching your lips move to the speed of your words — slow and endearing. he studies the moister of them, wishing to take them into his mouth yet again, “you’ve been so kind to me — and patient, i feel like i-i can’t thank you enough with words.”

he sits for a moment, letting you get used the to the water, but obviously taken aback by your words. he was already trying to detach himself from the emotions he could feel bubbling in his chest the minute he pulled out, but you were just making it so fucking hard. you were in his house, in his bathtub, and would soon be wearing his clothes to sleep for the night — and all eren could think about was how he’d give up anything to make this a regular occurrence. he liked taking care of you. he liked being around you. he liked feeling you and letting you feel every inch of him — but most importantly, and probably most controversially, he liked you.

eren liked you, a lot.

but to say that sentence aloud would be a nightmare. professing his feelings in the heat of a moment like this could lead him right back to where you both were earlier this morning ; awkward, angry, confused — it was too much. if keeping silent meant keeping the peace, then that’s exactly what he’d do.

“hey hey, i don’t need ‘thank you’s’, yn. just doin’ you a favor remember? if anything i should be thankful you trusted me enough .. y’know, with all this. i know it might not have been your ideal first time but …”

it’s quiet now, but you smile, “it was perfect, eren. it was nothing less than perfect.”

the clock reads 1AM and you’ve fallen asleep in eren’s arms yet again for the second night in a row, snuggled into his chest as the sound of his beating heart soothes you like a soothing lullaby. he listens to the sound of your light snores while inhaling the mouth watering scent of the vanilla body wash he’d used on you, dozing off a bit as he grows excitedly anxious from the thought of you being the first person he would be seeing in the morning.

there you were ; laying on his bed, under his sheets, in his arms. you were freshly bathed, courtesy to eren splashing you with water and bubbles during the two hour long bath he’d given you — most of that time spent talking about any and everything with one another rather than cleaning you up, but he didn’t mind it one bit.

there was moment where he thought he could really get used to this — feeling your body fall into in his warmth so effortlessly while whispering sweet melodies into your ear. he felt like there was nothing on planet earth that could ruin this moment.

well, that was until his phone rattled against his nightstand, buzzing with three rounds of texts and two missed calls from no other than the villain himself — connie.

connie fucking springer.

the first text could be traced back to when you’d first arrived at eren’s doorstep.

bald man 9:52PM

yo i gotta talk to you about some shit.

the second, you were too busy moaning out in pleasure for eren to even think about reaching for his damn phone.

bald man 11:01PM

are u alive? i know i fucked up at poker but damn bro

bald man 1:15AM

i know ur awake fucker. come outside your place im already parked. hurry up before i have to walk my ass up there and drag you out my damn self.

eren’s eyes flicker to the time on his phone, at the text, then back at you again, the time reading 1:20AM.

bald man 1:20AM

i know she’s in there. i saw her car parked a few spots over open your fuckin door.

#🏹 : saturn’s writing —#HIIII HIII HIIII #FINALLY SATURN DAMN LIKE #okay yall but we here fr #eren x reader #eren yaeger smut #eren x black reader #eren x fem!reader #eren x you #snk eren #eren yeager

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thygoddessouijathicc · 11 months

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Bishop Edibility Tierlist; A very deeply serious essay about which bishop would taste the best if you had to eat one of them for any reason

Aight, 88% of you voted in favour of this being released, so this is on you. This blood is on YOUR hands. Just remember that as you read this.

So you all remember that essay I did about how the bishops all had some kinda trauma or different reactions to purgatory and shit and how that was such a serious thing analyzing dialogue and reactions and stuff-?

Well there are TWO wolves inside of me, and one of them writes serious researched essays, it’s time you meet the other.

To preface this, this essay is entirely a joke please don’t take any word of this seriously.

To start with, technically anything is edible if you try hard enough, sometimes only once but I digress, however some things are more appetizing than others.

For this essay we will be taking evidence from canon in some cases on things you can eat, but assuming that this only means these things are more appetizing in this world, not that anything you can’t feast upon very specifically in the game is somehow inedible. Meat is meat.

Also Narinder will be referred to as a bishop because he was one.

Ok let’s start our list.

At the absolute bottom of the edibility tierlist is Narinder. Narinder is a cat. While technically cats are indeed edible by the laws of meat is meat, cats hold a special place in the hearts of many including myself.

But to be honest the real reason that Narinder holds this spot is meat quantity and quality of him specifically. Narinder, holds very little meat. Sure he has a head, but his arms are skeletal and it’s safe to assume possibly a lot of the rest of his body tis also but frail bone. Possibly what is not could also be rotten if he’s that kind of god of death that qualifies as a corpse. And while meat is meat, Narinder not only has very little, but what he does have may be poor quality. This cements him in the shameful bottom spot.

He’s also a-

Moving on, next, quite regrettably, is Leshy. Leshy is a major jump in quality from Narinder.

We don’t know much about bushworms or their anatomy but what we do know, is Leshy is dummy thicc, this means he has a large quantity of meat.

Unfortunately Leshy is also a worm which isn’t exactly the most appetizing creature to put in your gaping maw so that docks him a few points.

However the true reason he cannot be higher is that depending on your read of his anatomy, Leshy could qualify as a salad, and EWWWWW VEGITALS!!! 🤢🤮🤮

Moving on to the “would eat again category” we start with Heket.

Now it should not be news to anyone that frogs are edible, especially to French people. But I don’t believe in French people, they aren’t real. Anyway as I’m saying, you can eat frogs to your hearts content!

There are sanitation issues with Anura apparently being super gross which docks some points but overall, Heket is a solid option.

Now we’ve reached “ok hear me out” territory with Shamura.

Spiders are a major food source in cult of the lamb. Which is a bit questionable for a few reasons, including that there are multiple spider characters and Webber exists but also small spiders on the ground which seem to be a separate species which raises a lot of questions possibly best gone unanswered.

What really matters is what you can do with the small spiders you find around, you can chase them down and when you catch them, they drop meat. My friends have told me that this means I’m just taking meat they are holding, after all you can get berries if the spider has taken them.

What I say to this is: but the idea of lamb running around at night and picking up whole large spiders off the ground and feeding them to their followers is fucking hilarious, and also they always drop the same meat and never berries unless they have picked them up. You’d think if I’m just taking what they have and they will eat berries as well as meat, that I’d get berries more often. Nay, only when picked up from my farms.

This leads to the only possible conclusion being that people in the cult of the lamb universe feed often on spiders, that’s right, Helob eating followers is VENGEANCE.

So, we have established spiders are very edible in cult of the lamb, and you know what Shamura is? A giant fucking spider. They are edible, I rest my case.

Now let’s move on to first place oh boy who is it, probably who you should have expected, Kallamar.

His name sounds like Calamari to start with and not only can you eat squids in real life, you can in the game (similar weird separate species thing with spiders only in this case it’s more definitive that you can very much eat the squids themselves.)

Kallamar would also likely cry if you proclaimed your desire to consume him, misery not only makes meat better but his tears could be seasoning!

Not even to mention the fact that after beating him, it would be a moment of victoriousness and pure vindictive nature, to proceed to eat Kallamar, and vindictive nature is something I most definitely do not lack as I cuss out bishops every time I see the statues after I beat them.

Squids also don’t have many bones so unlike the others who you’d have to spend an extensive time processing before eating, Kallamar would be easy and his bones make up very little of his composition.

In conclusion, why did you read this whole essay it’s not even that funny.

And those of you who voted to have this released. Are you happy?

Are you not entertained!?

#cult of the lamb shamura #cult of the lamb kallamar #cult of the lamb heket #cult of the lamb narinder #cult of the lamb leshy #cult of the lamb #COTL #cotl heket #cotl narinder #cotl leshy #cotl shamura #cotl kallamar #bishop shamura #bishop heket #bishop leshy #bishop kallamar #bishop narinder

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shaelzero · 10 months

Text

*seen the movie, half asleep now*

.. echm..

I think they have the movie title wrong..

..it should have been Dreams.

Like, you know, the ones we see taken from people by Magnifico.. and let me explain why I think this concept make more sense, for what info they had given to us.

Exhibit a, the realistic ‘wish’.

You don’t WISH to inspire people. You know you can do it, but you also know, for people to listen to you, you’ll need to put your mind, heart and effort in the task. And even then, there are some who wouldn’t care. But you have to, because it’s you drive, it’s what you want, it’s what will make you feel whole. Your DREAM.

You don’t WISH to be the better artist/dress maker/baker, you work on your craft to get better and get results. In time, with effort and sacrifice, that will be worth your while when you finally grasp your DREAM.

If you decide to give away the will to do these things by yourself (things you CAN actually archieve as a normal human being) because you come to know there COULD be a easier way (by magically means) that effortlessly grant you the final prize..

..is not a WISH, is opportunistic laziness.

And maybe, (just maybe) you don’t really deserve to have that DREAM, since is not that precious to you that you feel the need to protect and fight for it, but instead you so easily decide to put it in someone else’s hands, (quite literally) given the chance, making THEM do the work.

Those are the realistic dreams, but there is another category: the unobtainable fantasy’s .

Exhibit b: to fly, you don’t WISH to fly.

We know, people give the ‘wish’ at 18 years of age, meaning you have awareness of being a human, with no magic, or anatomy feats for that to ever become a reality ( not has we see in the bubble anyway), no matter the effort you can put in it. As an adult you still could DREAM of flying.

A kid could wish to fly, because they are not yet grounded in reality so they could believe it could really happen if they have faith and be good enough.

Maybe a fairy, or a mage could grant that wish.. (but then there’s a fly on the wall and suddenly wish they could be a cat to catch it but it’s approaching bed time so now the wish changes again, now they could be a dragon to avoid bedtime.. and so on..)

I totally understand the need to put a minimum age limit.. it would have been a fucking nightmare.

But, to get to the point I’m making here:

most kids, don’t have yet the concept of what is potentially possible obtaining through effort and what is physically unarchievable, so they could WISH for literally anything.

But ALL the ‘wish’ given to Magnifico are from ADULTS.

And if we listen well, the movie tell us that he doesn’t takes just ‘the wish’ but that he takes a metaphisycal part too, from the people heart and then make the people forget about it..

The BETTER part of them allegedly, leaving them ‘sad and boring’…

(well just the protagonist’s friend, because NONE of any other citizen of Rosas EVER seems different from a normal person. In the first fucking song we see a rather happy living population lazing around town, dancing for the newly arrived tourists.. but I’m digressranting ).

My point is: even if you forget A wish, as important as it may have been to you, by forgetting it you become a clean slate.. and, as STUPIDLY pointed out IN THE MOVIE, during the ‘cringy q&a to make a distraction’ a peasant ask something on the line of ‘What if I develop another wish? Or I change my wish?”

If he took only A wish, these would be possibly things that could happen, to living thinking human, in years.

But, if you switch to what I’m suggesting , it suddenly clicks: no one in the entire movie use the word or concept of dream/dreams.( non that I can recall.. or in a meaningful way, but I could be wrong..).

I think that’s because..

.. people FORGOT they exist.

Because they can’t DREAM anymore.

Because the best part of they’r heart, the part that allows to conceive and create new dreams, was given willingly away.

And as Disney love, especially in this movie, the self references and to pay homage :

“ A WISH is a DREAM your heart makes..”

..Sound familiar to anyone?..

*drop to sleep*

#wish 2023 #disney wish #wish #wish theory #wish spoilers #Magnifico was done dirty by the writers #Asha-med should be the protagonist full name.#if I give the goat and 7 carton board friend back #can I have the star boy from the concept art?#and another thing #do a decent irredimibile villain COUPLE for once in your cowardly life #or do a love so strong that redeem the one who turned evil #not this bullshit queen/scorned soon to be ex-girlfriend in middle school #haha- told you to not turn to evil magic did I? now rot in the dungeon I’ll come by to remind YOU WERE WRONG and I told you so every day #probably wrong but it was fun speculate bye

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kaiserrr19 · 10 months

Note

Hihi I Hope You don’t mind me sending in an ask!!!!!! But I’m asking around a few of my mutuals for ideas,,,,,, by any chance, do you have any oddly specific Serennedy headcannons you’d be willing to share?????? :0000

Heh, well, I have a few of these hc (sorry, they're pretty generic and stupid):

1) After being stabbed in the back, Luis was obviously disabled, so when Leon took him in and started taking care of him until he got better, he would give him massages in the evenings to help him relax, wash him, cook him Italian and Spanish food (although he's still learning) He would walk around the city together or just lie down on the couch and watch a movie with his arms around each other, or read a book, sometimes fairy tales, although it was difficult for Leon at first, but he got used to it.

2) As long as Luis could stay with Leon like this (taking up most of his free time), eventually he would feel some guilt about it (well, that he hangs around his neck), so he would start looking for some job related to drugs (just not with big companies), but Leon tells him that he shouldn't rush into it because he hasn't recovered yet.

3) Since Luis is a fashionista, he could give Leon some clothes with cool prints or rhinestones on his birthday or just for fun, although Leon thinks it looks terrible on him, but over time he even loved it, and so sometimes he tries on the clothes he gave him, thus remembering him.

4) Well, as for me, Leon likes rock, metal, while Luis likes pop, folk songs and jazz.

5) Luis, after Leon saved him, often blamed himself for being alive, sometimes he had nervous breakdowns (even tried to commit suicide), and Leon calmed him down.

6) They're both afraid of insects, but Leon doesn't show it.

7) I liked the idea where Luis would start learning how to do makeup (Idk why), so he would practice on Leon, although he is a little bit annoyed, but he doesn't even mind.

8) Luis, for me, is a creative person, knowing how he could quickly sketch somewhere, knowing anatomy, he could draw sketches with Leon, but he would not show them to him right away, but would surprise him by preparing a romantic evening for him.

9) Leon is a fan of collecting some motorcycle figures, while Luis likes to collect different plants or fossils.

10) Luis tries his best to make Leon feel comfortable and receive the love he lacked as a child, constantly calling him these sweet Spanish names, joking about things, cooking for him, and at night he can sing him a lullaby quietly, because Leon loves his voice and accent sm. But Luis himself is shy about singing, and so is Leon, but he likes to play musical instruments, especially the guitar, and for some reason Leon doesn't because he hasn't tried it yet, but Luis would insist on it.

11) Leon is a dog lover and Luis is a cat lover, although Leon would not mind getting a cat.

12) Leon would rather live in his own house, away from the city, so he and Luis would start farming together: Luis would garden and Leon would build or fix things.

#resident evil #re4 remake #re4make #leon kennedy #luis serra #serennedy

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bambi-kinos · 2 years

Photo

So r/beatlescirclejerk posted a butthole chart which I immediately dragged back to the Discord server for discussion. A consensus has been reached and I present to you the new and improved Beatles butthole chart. I will post some of the discussion and reasoning behind these choices as well as my personal take on John and Paul combined with the knowledge learned from my high school Anatomy class 15 years ago.

mynamesbetty — Today at 1:43 PM how dare you make me look at this with my eyes

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 1:44 PM This is extremely important Beatles historiography

mynamesbetty — Today at 1:54 PM We saw John's butt on the back of Two Virgins, I don't recall it being hairy

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 1:55 PM That's a good point as well

We have a full shot of John's butt, a side view of Paul's butt, and a suspected shot of Ringo's butt....do we have a shot of George's butt

What i find interesting is the skintone chart, i always figured Paul's butthole would be pink.

mynamesbetty — Today at 1:59 PM butthole color is the same as lip color

VeggieRavioli — Today at 2:06 PM I am ignoring this notification in protest

namaste — Today at 7:22 PM What’s the saying? God has a plan? I hate how quickly I could form an opinion on this.

I think it’s mostly wrong.

John: hairless wonder, smooth as a peach, that apricot skin… Quote by Yoko (won’t fetch sorry on deadline she says yet shitposting) over how keen they were on hygiene and baths. Known to wear Witch Hazel by Quinn's throughout his life. The real flower princess.

Also, uncut. Had to be on top of that. Double-jointed, agile, loose like a cat. Happy to confirm all of the above via Self-Portrait. Do DM it anytime. I’ll find 42 mins to analyse and report.

Paul: VERY furry and soft unless he waxes (I mean he did tweeze his eyebrows at one point, who knows? Actually John does…).

Smelly if I go by a description of dog faeces and poor housekeeping by him at Cavendish. Oh, and crabs. I’ll never forget in GB George looking 🤢 while cleaning his guitar strings with an alcohol wipe.

Tight. Everything about him is tight. Very tight in fact. Tightwad, uptight and a song by John, the great Tight A$ which is most definitely not a Yoko song.

George: meticulous, good work ethic, a gentleman according to all, professional, always well presented, and the rare individual in GB who looks clean at all times. Hairy dude, but less than Paul.

One way or another, he probably had the best upkeep of all. Chakra oil all over I imagine. Known to smell good. He likely could be anything he wanted to be between loose and tight. Flexible mind in a nimble body.

Ringo: smoothest skin of all. I’m assuming the entire toolbox is fabulous. He may well have the nicest pinkest best defined hole of them all. Like George, a precise and meticulous fella. Known to smell good.

Also, likes jewellery. The key question here is does he have a third tattoo, a ring or both?

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 8:02 PM This is the best response i could receive

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 8:09 PM I will repost my anal-ysis from [redacted]

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 9:19 PM Its mostly about color as we got on to talking about skintones

namaste — Today at 9:22 PM I’ll let you guys try to find Paul’s skin tone there underneath all that soft fur of his.

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 9:23 PM just one more reason why we need a fucking paul mccart only fans. vintage nudes

namaste — Today at 9:24 PM Exactly. I wish EMI had put their foot down a lot harder about the Two Virgins cover. Now we would know.

“Sean, open them vaults…”

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 9:26 PM okay okay okay so. this was in response to another person who was pondering the connection between lips and assholes, as per betty's note about lips and butt holes sharing a color. I have combined this knowledge with what I know about sex having so here we go. everything from here is me quoting myself:

Honestly to get a detailed hypothesis regarding their butthole colors we'll need to study color photos of the boys and examine their lips, compare them across decades etc

Obvs this will get easier as we get into later decades. Lighting must be accounted for and so on

Initial survey here suggests a pale pink for all of them....George and Ringo probably paler and more skin toned. John did have a phenomenon where his lips would get very raw and red when he worked up a sweat which makes sense, he's flushing because he's physically active. This is also a side effect of him being a redhead, they blush easily. From this we can also assume John's hole and genitalia would become heavily colored during sexual activity as well.

(The photos I was thinking of. Note how even in the original b&w John’s lips are noticeably more colored than normal. Compare this to other color photos where he’s sedate where his lips are paler. This is consistent with how he gets flushed when physically worked up. - Ed.)

Paul its not as obvious (so him) but just from this photo I can assume baseline that he's naturally a soft pink yknow.... Maybe doesn't flush as dark as John.

1970s we're getting more color but less hi-def photos. Keeping it to John and Paul now. Still looking like a pale pink but Paul's lips/genitalia color is more vibrant now than John's.

1980s, Paul much the same, John is notably a bit more vibrant. I bet his dick still turns purple if you don't let him cum for an hour.

I'm doing all this from my phone so finding images is a little difficult, I'll call these findings preliminary. But from these I'm guess that Paul's hole and genitals trend towards a pale pink and flush a deeper pink during sexual activity. John's would be pale, probably only a shade or two darker than his original skintone and then he flushes a very deep and dark red during intercourse.

[someone in a second Discord server asked me if I was going to survey the Beatles' relatives and try to build visual profiles based off their appearances in order to build a bigger skintone chart that can tell us more about the Beatles’ blush patterns.]

What it would actually require is examining photos of male genitalia from the same ethno groups that the Beatles belong to, keeping in mind that even for their time their families were heavily mixed thru intermarriage between Irish and Anglos. I don't mind doing it but it would take a while so examining their lip colors is suitable for now.

We live in a world where there's no Paul McCartney Only Fans and I can't pay money to see his asshole get railed with a knotted Bad Dragon dildo. truly we live in the darkest timeline.

namaste — Today at 9:32 PM John slept with Bowie who you know... I’d think your description explains why that was not repeated. He probably couldn’t sit down for a week. Sang fairly high in Fame.

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 9:32 PM bingo

namaste — Today at 9:32 PM We’re breaking ground here as always.

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 9:33 PM I'm sure john and paul are both very tight tbh though paul probably remained so and struggled to relax -- made it good for john though, I don't think he's the type who would complain about it.

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 9:37 PM otherwise I believe your guesses about their hygiene and the scents they used are spot on. wouldn't surprise me at all if Paul was hairy down there, someone on reddit reminded me that it's about what's between the cheeks not necessarily on... its not unusual to have hair there either. It's one of those things that gives Paul a masculine edge to salt his femininity, I doubt John had any complaints considering the caliber of men he was used to hooking up with.

</end quote

From these discussions and my own thoughts, I built the new and improved Beatles butthole chart. Please let me know what you guys think. I will be updating this post if any new information comes to light or if I find my notes from my Anatomy class. Cheers!

#the beatles #paul mccartney #john lennon #george harrison #ringo starr #mclennon #my meta #beatles meta #talktalktalk #shitpost

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serafiel-jacobs · 1 year

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Wandering Thoughts (Fanfic)

A new chapter of my Lies of p Fanfic series (´ ω `♡)

Things were going better each day, the bond between father and son was growing closer, Geppetto was trying his best to be the father that Pinocchio deserved.

He taught him about more things, taught him about how to socialize better with people, taught him about math, it was boring but basic math is essential to daily life, and it's not as if his father was teaching calculous; Pinocchio might have been good at reading but not so much at writing, his grammar was okay but his handwriting was atrocious.

A bit of history a bit of geography.

Venigni tried to teach him about his weird… invention things, sure, he knew the encryption device but he did the work and Pinocchio just read the results. Out of the many strange things Venigni was eager to teach him, he mostly understood some stuff about architecture, the rest… well he just nodded along to make him happy.

Although he had learned plenty about using weapons, he still wanted to know more, besides, it made Eugénie very happy to teach him, he was surprised about how so much more could be learned.

Lady Antonia gave him piano lessons, those moments when they played music together, it made him feel joyful, and lucky to be by her side, and Lady Antonia felt much the same.

He could tell she was happier now, he also noticed people were no longer being rude to Polendina and Pulchinella, he talked with them sometimes. He wanted to know if Polendina ever confessed his feelings to Lady Antonia, but that would be really awkward, Polendina had lots of mixed feelings about it the last time they spoke, and he thought that if he did, he would sure tell him about it and how things went.

One day he found himself at Hotel Krat, before leaving he searched for the cat that had always been there, earning his trust was something Pinocchio was proud of, he looked around to pet the kitty, he found the creature on top of some books in a desk.

As he carried and petted it, he noticed the title of the book stacked on top.

“Biology and Anatomy: Chapter I”

He hadn’t learned anything about that yet.

After returning home, he decided to ask his father about it.

“Father, am I going to learn about Biology and Anatomy?”

Geppetto was working, writing about some observations, now that puppets were considered to be accepted, he was planning on helping build more, these puppets no longer had Ergo, therefore their construction was more tricky, but he couldn’t let what happened before happen again, Ergo collecting was a mistake that shouldn´t be repeated, especially with how Ergo is collected.

Geppetto suddenly paused, with a few seconds of silence, that was odd.

“Why yes… I’m just going to teach it to you later”

“Oh, okay, later when?”

“Right now I’m pretty busy with this project so probably later, plus there are other… important things to learn so don’t worry about it”

He decided to drop the subject, he decided to go outside and sit by a big pinecone tree that was next to the house, twilight was just about to start and he decided to gaze at the sky. Yet he couldn’t quite shake a few questions on his mind.

“Gemini do you know anything about anatomy or biology?”

Gemini lay on the ground next to him in his cage. “Not much buddy, I guess I know that women and men are sorta different, but not too different, I don’t know how bones work, or organs work or how it works in general actually just that things are there”

Well, I have a heart, not like the human heart but I have one. “Why was father acting so weird about it?”

“I don’t know, I guess it could be embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing? Why?”

“Pinocchio maybe it's not the best for me to say, Master Geppetto is the one that actually knows about it”

Both of them just keep looking at the sky. Pinocchio’s tough wandering in his mind.

Men and women are different… kids must be kind of different too, more different, babies don’t look like older kids, and older kids don’t look like teens.

He noticed women’s chests were bigger than men's.

Men tended to be taller, and he heard that was attractive, taller women must be scary because he overheard a conversation with hotel guests about some tall woman stepping on others.

“Hello, earth to puppet boy? Can you listen to me?”

He quickly stopped gazing at the sky, to his surprise, the Red Fox and the Black Cat were in front of him.

“We’ve come to see you old friend, how have things been? no longer in constant danger and all.” The black Cat said.

“Great we’ve been great” Gemini answered, some hostility in his tone, he clearly didn’t like the duo, and he couldn’t understand how Pinocchio was still friends with them, but that boy was still too trusting.

“Glad to hear, glad to hear, we are in a big debt to you after all, you restored my brother’s sight and you have helped us out in more ways than that” the Red Fox always had an elegance in her words.

“I just wanted to help, it was nothing!” Pinocchio grinned happily, Gemini started to see that without all that bloodshed and monsters, he was way more cheerful and calm than before.

“Maybe it was nothing to you, but it has meant the world to us, we have come to give you a much-deserved reward.” The Red Fox pulled out a tiny wrapped box, with a red ribbon on top.

Pinocchio couldn’t wait, and unwrapped it at once, inside, there was a keychain, a felted red fox, next to a black cat, both stuck together by their hands, they both seemed to be connected by some sort of magnet, as when you separated them, they went back to each other.

“Not much, not something spectacular, but you seem like the type to like this stuff, we figured we could give you something to remember us by” The Black cat got closer to Pinocchio and patted his head.

Gemini could tell it was condescending but Pinocchio couldn’t. How could he be so competent and reliable on his own but when it came to them would always fall for their dumb tricks?

“What was on your mind that you couldn’t tell we were next to you puppet boy?” The Red Fox was curious, their detailed attire and the distinctive mask were something most could not ignore.

“Just thinking about Biology”

“Ah biology, you must be eager to learn about that sort of stuff” The Black cat spoke, and then he had an idea.

He said something to Pinocchio, something secret.

“You should ask your father about that, I bet he would be eager to tell you!” The Black cat smiled.

“Well it is getting late, and we should go, goodbye boy, perhaps our paths might cross again” The Red Fox knew it was time to go, although she would have liked to stay a little more, she saw that from the house, Geppetto was approaching them and he certainly wasn’t fond of them, she could not blame him if she hated her and her brother.

As they both left, she gave a small punch at the back of her dear brother’s head. “Ow, what was that for?!”.

“Brother you are very rude you know that?”

Geppetto approached his son and Gemini.

“Are you alright? Those Stalkers, they didn’t hurt you, or threaten you? Or did anything bad at all?”

“No, of course, not, they are like sort of my friends”

“Sort of?”

“Well they did kidnapped you”

“And they called you a dumbass”

Thank you, Gemini for the lovely reminder. You are gonna go to the clock again, Pinocchio schemed on his mind.

“But they aren’t evil, they even gave me this cute gift”

“Please, be careful around them, I understand why in tough times, people make harmful decisions, and I can’t control who you speak to and your friends, but just… just don’t let them be mean to you again, it’s okay to walk away from friendships”

“Yes Father”

Back home, Geppetto served himself something to drink, suddenly Pinocchio remembered what he had been told.

“Father, where do babies come from?”

Geppetto chocked on his drink.

#lies of p #lop #liesofp #lies of p game #lies of p pinocchio #lies of p fanfic #lies of p geppetto #lies of p gemini

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insomniamamma · 2 years

Text

15 questions

Thanks for the tag @oonajaeadira

1. Are you named after anyone?

My middle name is my Mom’s best friend’s middle name. My first name comes from a late 70s tire commercial.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Maybe two weeks ago? I had a bad stomach bug and things got messy. Cried mostly from being grossed out and humiliated.

3. Do you have kids?

Yep. He’s 8 and he outsmarts me on a regular basis

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

it’s a survival mechanism at this point

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Vibes I guess. I can generally tell within minutes of meeting someone if I’m going to get along with them or not. Eyes and faces as far as physical features are concerned. I like people with interesting faces.

6. What’s your eye color?

Medium brown.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Both.

8. Any special talents?

I write, I draw. I sing, but i’m a bit rusty at that. My hubby and son seem to think I’m a good cook. I’m good with my hands in general.

9. What are your hobbies?

Art, writing, cooking, making friends with neighborhood cats, losing my mind over Pedro Pascal. I like to fish but I haven’t gone in quite some time.

10. Where were you born?

New Jersey

11. Have any pets?

I have two cats. Tasha is my inside cat. She’s somewhere around 16 years old. I’m not entirely sure of her age because she was a rescue. She’s a tuxie and her fur is super soft, like a rabbit’s fur. She’s a grumpy little thing, but she is also very patient with my son who was a bit grabby when he was smaller. Orange is my outside cat. We think she had a family at some point and she got dumped in our neighborhood. She had a litter of kittens under my deck so I ended up finding homes for the kittens and getting her spayed. She can’t be an indoor cat, we’ve tried. She knows the sound of my car and comes bolting across the alley. We have a screened in front porch so in the winter we keep food and water and a cat bed with a heating pad for her so she can keep warm. She’ll let you pet her but does not like being picked up. All the dogs in the neighborhood are afraid of her.

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I am not a sports person. I am catastrophically clumsy and I have super-tight hamstrings.The only class in gym that I remember enjoying was archery because I could pretend i was in Lord of the Rings. I was one of those goth-girls who refused to change for gym and just sat on the bleachers reading.

13. How tall are you?

5'7″

14. Favorite subject in school?

Art and biology. Art because my teachers generally let me do whatever I wanted. I had a ceramics teacher who’d just plop down a big thing of clay and be like the rest of these guys are making snowman banks for christmas but you do whatever you want. Doing whatever I wanted usually involved dragons. Biology because I was fascinated by it. The endless intricacies of it. I LOVED dissections. That probably makes me sound like a lunatic and I’m pretty sure my mom and my teachers thought I was some sort of proto-serial killer, but anatomy just fascinated me. Still does. I have a collection of skulls and bones i’ve found in the woods over the years. My high school biology teacher told me how I could preserve the things we’d dissected in class in jars full of rubbing alcohol, so between his class and AP biology I had a nice collection of pickled dead things. My mom threw them out when I moved out and I’m still a little salty tbh.

15. Dream job?

I don’t know? Jobs are not something I dream about. I would like to be able to have time to do the things that make me happy.

np tags: @oo-hazel-oo @grogusmum @honestly-shite @quica-quica-quica @spookoofins @shitty-pigeon-nest39 @writeforfandoms

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seahdalune · 9 months

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Seana’s 2020 art highlights (a thread)

(Note: this is a reupload of a thread i did on twitter a few years back. so these are really old.)

January: i didn’t draw anything complete that month.... closest thing i could find to finished is this art i made of my OC, Angelord. man. remember when i drew my OCs? [2023 note: it's..... funny you say that. you would try to start up an original comic for the entirety of next year.... not that it ever came to fruition.]

February: i finished Link’s Awakening that month. i drew Marin bc i thought she was cute. i wish i could get motivated to draw fanart of recent video games i finished more... this is probably the last proper traditional art i made this year... after this, it’s mostly digital.

March: look. i’m attempting anatomy... and i failed lol. i remember being like “how do you draw woman” after drawing this... i mean. i still wanna know how to draw woman, so i guess i haven’t changed lol. [2023 note: I STILL DONT KNOW HOW TO DRAW WOMEN]

April: wait NVM here’s another traditional piece i made this year. he was an adoptable i made... but nobody was interested in them so he’s with me for now. i’ll try and redesign them, either to sell them or to keep him. [2023 note: i never sold this guy.... i was lazy and nobody values points these days. probs for the best because scamming children with virtual coins is probably not a good idea lmao. at the same time, i wish there was an easy way to buy and sell designs+commissions without having to get a credit card or paypal or something.]

May: another month where i didn’t draw anything. buuut i did some plush sketches to reference so das dat. [2023 note: you'll probably be able to name most charas here, but who's the guy i drew the most? that's Matteo, he's a little pink vampire and i made him through Gatcha Life.]

June: ah. the month where i started digital art. this was fanart for my friend’s OC. i didn’t know a lot of features of digital art so it looks like shit LOL not the first digital art i made ever, but it might as well be. [2023 note: i actually received my tablet around 2018, but i never had time to draw on it because i had 1 hour of screentime every day. this restriction was finally lifted in 2020 (because online classes) and i finally had time to venture out into the world of digital art...]

July: i made a lot of stuff this month, but to shorten the list... i finished the plush of my OC, Matteo. i wanna make another plushie... maybe with Suitcase.

this was also the month i joined the OSC... oh hell. it’s been 6 months?? [2023 note: 2 YEARS BITCH. ITS GONNA BE YOUR 3RD ANNIVERSARY if i didn't get so tired and started to hate the community so much.]

August: ...ergh. lets get over with this month quickly... Object OCs this. Object OCs that.

occasional Algebians.

i do not like the art here... it really shows that i’ve improved. ok let’s get outta here. [2023 note: i fucking despise the person who asked me why "they were old" to my humanizations of the Dangos. this is why i refuse to join another public server ever again and might have contributed to the delay of my human drawing skills.]

September: lots of Taco II. i seriously liked her a lot. still do, but the love is a bit more spread out between characters.

oh. and i watched ONE that month. cool.

October: i finally found a style that i could weld. hooyah.

don’t ask why i drew my friend as a cat maid... i thought it was funny ok.

September: the month of gift art. nothing else to say, but i like the thin lines. yes, ‘thin’. ...god i need to think of better things to say. [i would then realize i said the wrong month, and unlike tumblr, i cannot edit tweets once published, so my only option was to delete the whole thing and start over. or just say this:] did i just say September... oh for fucks- no i am not fixing this i’m already tired of this just imagine i said November ok

December: best art of this year so far (doh) nothing to say. just... happy that i improved. can’t wait to improve even more.

[hey look! i was in the 2020 JnJ christmas video! thats me! me!!]

aaand, that’s all for this year! man, i thought i was done with improvement. i can’t believe i proved myself wrong. usually other people do that for me lol. lets see if i can disprove myself again in 2021.

#dalune recap 2020 #dalune recap

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celiastjamesoscar · 11 months

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That's them beginning of last year when they were 1 year old.

When they're not cuddling you, then they are sleeping. That's all that they are doing. Living their best life, I'm lowkey jealous.

OMG THAT PICTURE I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE'S SO PRECIOUS!!! She can definitely bully everyone, just look at her killer glare. She's ready to use that sword any moment. Give her some treats from me!!

Oh wow, lab is even more interesting than I thought. I love the hands on work, it's definitely so fascinating to actually see what you are learning about. Your nursing program really is so cool!! Only having lab once a week is a crime. It should be more often because it actually teaches you important and exciting things through learning by doing with concrete examples. Your enthusiasm and dedication to it is what I love the most. It shows you truly care about what you are doing and studying.

OMG YES MELISSA IN VIDA IS EVERYTHING!! I have no clue what this show is about, I only know Mel is naked a lot, has sex and is incredibly sexy there. I don't need more reasons to watch it.

I'm so excited for you, Fright Fest is amazing!!! I'm so jealous, you will have so much fun!! Tell me everything afterwards please 🙏 I need to study over the weekend but I will spend time with our new dog on Sunday! So excited for that little guy.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJwYnJPs/Mel in a tank top should be illegal 😤

Those little guys are so adorable!!! The one in the back is so cute with those ears!! I love the little color around their mouths! Lazy cats are the best cause that means they aren’t terrorizing people 😭

I don’t know if I would consider her precious, but she loves glaring at people 😭 I’ll definitely give her some treats for you when I get home!

Hands on stuff is the way I learn the best, and lab should definitely be more than once a week. I have a Thursday lab, but if I wanted to, I could go into a Tuesday lab and I might do that this week. Anatomy is so interesting to me and I really do love this nursing program!!

I STILL HAVENT WATCHED THE SHOW, BUT IVE SEEN SOME CLIPS OF IT!!! You had me at Mel being naked 😮‍💨

Love I am beyond excited for Fright Fest!!! I’ve got a 2 hour car ride and I cannot wait! I’ll definitely take some pictures for you! <3 Good luck with your studying love! Have you told me what you are studying? I have the worse memory ever and I am so sorry 😭 send me some pics of the little guy when you get him!! I’m so excited for you!

Her entire wardrobe needs to be just tank tops and tight shirts!!!!

#bender chats #clexa is forever ♾️

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kwockxpressions · 1 year

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Mandy Xia

1. Name, Year, Major & Hometown

Mandy Xia, 4th year Human Biology, San Francisco

2. What are you most proud of?

I am most proud of doing well in Human Anatomy.

3. If you could choose a Sanrio character as a pet, which one would it be and why?

Pompompurin because it is super cute and it’s a yellow chonkers.

4. What is the biggest green flag in someone?

When they are considerate and remember little things.

5. What’s your biggest ick?

When they are stubborn and close-minded.

6. If you were Kirby, who/what would you swallow and become?

I would swallow a cat because I want to know what it’s like living life chill as hell.

7. What’s the most embarrassing moment in your life?

My most embarrassing moment is when I got super drunk and I would cry about a boy. (smh)

8. When’s the last time you cried?

Don’t really remember because I cry all the time ;n;

9. What’s your most used emoji?

😭

10. What do you value in friendship and tell me about your best friend?

In a friendship, I value trust, communication, and comfortability a lot. My best friend at the moment is currently in New York pursuing nursing school. I met her in high school when we both joined dragonboat together. She says that our first ever interaction was when the school got a bomb threat and we decided to go to dragonboat practice together that day. It is quite funny that we also live in the same neighborhood in SF, which makes it super convenient for me to go visit her all the time. Even though we are in a long-distance friendship, one thing I really love about our dynamic is that we do not need to be in constant contact with each other. Moreso, we understand each other and our schedules and that is why we contact each other whenever we can. When we do come together, it always felt like we had never left each other’s sides. She has been my longest friend throughout my life and I often think about how lucky I am to have someone like her by my side. She is someone that I can not see myself without and I am happy to have her in my life. I do not often express this to her but I am sure she knows how much I value her. I am gonna expose who she is so here it goes. ANNA TRUONG YOU A BITCH, but you are my favorite bitch hehe. This better be over 250 I swear.

#excomm

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sheacouleecametoslay · 1 year

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Season 12 (2020)

Most rankings seem to put Season 11 towards the bottom and Season 12 towards the top, but I feel the exact opposite. Season 11 never had a dull moment, while Season 12 is nothing but dull moments. Especially the second half of it. This is blandest season (and cast) I've encountered so far, other than All-Stars 1 which barely even qualifies as a Drag Race season. The 90-minute runtime does not help either. The Werk Room portion of the episodes go on forever - all they talk about is the upcoming challenge, or their self-doubts, or the MANY, MANY mirror stories. This is easily the worst season of Untucked too – episodes 5 and 6 are the only ones worth watching. And once again, the guest judges appear on it every week. The giant shade button was wasted on this Untucked season. Season 12 really is “RuPaul's Best Friend Race”. Everyone gave supportive words to each other at one point or another. I'm not going to criticize the cast for being good people. But there's barely any drama or storylines. The only real storyline was Brita vs Aiden, which escalated into Aiden vs everyone. And honestly that rivalry was tiring by episode 6. You just know the producers wanted them to lip sync against each other. You could also include Widow's downward spiral as a storyline. And they tried to set up Nicky vs Gigi as rival fashion queens, but that went nowhere. And that's about it. The only other drama was from Widow and Jaida having attitude during the rehearsal of their respective premieres. And the Gigi vs Heidi tiff. I think the main reason why Season 12 is praised is because of the challenge performances. Almost everyone did well in both “Gay's Anatomy” and the Madonna Rusical, for instance. But I need more than just good challenge performances to fully enjoy a season. The Snatch Game was forgettable anyways, aside from Gigi and Jackie's performances. The Debate was a let down, but I get why Ru was pushing a political theme considering how important the 2020 election was to the drag community. I also don't like how they keep shoving the Ball to the beginning of the season. 36 runways in one episode was too much. But thankfully they skipped the late-season acting challenge. And the superfan Makeover was a nice moment; including the lip sync. Also, WTF was that cat mini-challenge? Oh, and apparently they didn't air the Reading mini-challenge because it was so bad. I will say the premiere was very hype. The first group was clearly the stronger one. “I'm That Bitch” might be the best girl group song they've done. Widow gave the best lip sync of the season. And the non-elimination felt justified. In past seasons, the first challenge was almost always a design challenge, unless it was All-Stars, so this was much more demanding. The split premiere fit the political theme of the season as well, as if they're competing political parties. I could do without the Fashion Show though, and the fake celebrities watching. The A-list celebrity guest judge was Nicki Minaj. She replaced Ru in the “Cover Girl” transition thing, and she was pretty harsh with Heidi. The editors also tried something new in the premiere where the producers interacted off-screen with the queens. The second group felt like a comedown though. I don't know why they did an odd number of cast members for a split premiere. I know Tamisha Iman and Kandy Muse were supposed to be on this season, but they were actually replaced. And then the producers had to erase Sh*rry P*e from the edit starting from episode 3, and DQ her from the finale. Her track record screamed favouritism. How did they let her talk for 17 MINUTES uninterrupted in that stand-up challenge? I've seen speculation that she would've won the season, but I don't think she was ever beating Jaida in a finale lip sync thankfully. Anyways, episode 3 starts off with some manufactured drama of the two groups coming together. Followed by Ru being a s**t-stirrer by making Widow and Jaida rank the other groups. Then an improv challenge that felt endless (“World's Worst”), where the winning team just did the same joke. Heidi winning would've been a much better storyline, since Jaida ranked her last that episode. Speaking of which, why were Sh*rry and Gigi winning everything for the first 7 episodes? They were even top 2 in their respective premieres. Also, Episode 3 aired on March 13, 2020, the same day a National Emergency was declared in the US. So maybe Drag Race was a comfort show to those stuck at home, adjusting to a "new normal", scared and uncertain about the outside world. It probably helps that this season didn't have a lot of negativity either. The restrictions only affected the reunion and the finale, because the show is filmed during the previous year. They did what they could given the circumstances, but Zoom call lip syncs ain't it. Oh yeah, Leslie Jones might be the best guest judges ever? Not only was she funny AF on the panel, but she went on Untucked and asked Aiden why she's sour and signed Widow's shoe. Vanjie's cameo on the Snatch Game episode (and that Untucked) was fun too.

Queens Ranking: 13. Sh*rry P*e Who? Didn't even notice she was there. 😂 12. Brita The inflated sense of self-importance. Brita mentioned New York City all the time. She was delusional; disagreeing with her placements, bragging about her improv skills, and saying “I am serving you looks every single time”. Aiden was right - Brita expected her NYC reputation to put her on top, but that's not how this works. Brita's confessionals had a mean vibe too. She wasn't throwing fun shade, it felt serious. She made condescending remarks about Aiden: “Aiden's like a lost little puppy”; “I don't want to babysit Aiden”; “Aiden isn't working hard enough” etc. And she borderline bullied Aiden to her face after the “World's Worst” challenge, and again on the episode 5 Untucked, and again on the red couch. Then she said “I love Aiden” after Aiden's elimination like what? Brita also thought Widow was milking her knee injury and cringed at Widow doing Ike/Tina. She called Rock M's outfit a “science fair project gone wrong”, as if hers was any better. And then she cried on her last Untucked for being in the bottom so much. In the competition: Brita had the worst track record. She flopped 4 challenges in a row. She had no idea what she was doing in the Ball challenge; all 3 of her looks missed the mark, and the judges didn't know it was a pineapple. She also overacted in “Gay's Anatomy”. She just laughed for every answer as Jennifer Holliday in Snatch Game. And she messed up the choreo in the Rusical. She was fierce in “I'm That Bitch” though (“cause they be givin' up and I ain't even done!”), but her lyrics didn't really say anything. As for Brita's runways, meh. Frozen was her best one. Spring and Buttons And Bows were a “no”. I actually enjoyed her lip sync performances though. 11. Jackie Cox Too dry and overly professional for me. And seemingly snobbish? She couldn't believe that Aiden didn't know Mae West (“call my lawyer”). She was confused by Vanjie's Julia Roberts joke. She gave people a hard time for being “unprepared” for Snatch Game. She insisted that Jaida volunteered to go last when she didn't (“roll that tape” indeed). She questioned why Aiden was safe, but later gave Aiden a reasonable explanation for why she's getting heat. She made an issue out of Widow not making connections, but had a heartfelt chat with Widow afterwards. Otherwise, Jackie mostly talked about her parents, LGBTQ+ discrimination in her culture, and Islamophobia. She even had that speech with guest judge AOC. I respect her for using Drag Race as a platform for these important issues, but I wish she had more un-serious moments I guess? She did occasionally throw shady jabs in the Werk Room though. In the competition: Jackie placed “high” in several challenges but never won. Her “I'm That Bitch” showed her identity, but it wasn't as memorable as the others. She was a natural talker in “World's Worst”. I thought she was the funniest in Snatch Game as Lisa Rinna – how she rambled on and threatened Heidi. Her genie concept in the advert was great (“For you!”) And in the stand-up routine, she told a personal story while keeping it funny. But Jackie struggled in the latter half. She was boring in the Rusical. She kept doing Canada jokes in the Debate. And her Makeover outfits were basic. She knew her time was up at the end too. Jackie was comedic lip sync-er, but “Kill the Lights” was cringe. My fave Jackie runways were her Frozen snowflake, her Michelle Visage look, the Purple People Eater, and the hijab. 10. Nicky Doll Nicky came in as a fashion queen that will “bring you glamour without breaking my hip”. While the producers spent the premiere pointing out her mispronunciations. But ultimately, Nicky got in her head - she felt defeated by the language barrier, and didn't think she could live up to everyone else's level because of it. She even named herself to go home in episode 5. She seemed crabby too? She was unhappy about her “World's Worst” role, she was annoyed by Jan's dissatisfaction over being safe, she was relieved to work solo for once, and she was bewildered by Aiden's favouritism. She also fought with Aiden on Untucked; and told Aiden she should be in the bottom over Jaida. Meanwhile, the judges read Nicky for not showing personality. She did joke around in the Werk Room – it just didn't materialize in the challenges. Her confessionals weren't bad though (like the popcorn one, saying “are you ready?” in French, etc). In the competition: Nicky was the fashion queen that bombed the performance challenges. Her “I'm That Bitch” verse was my least fave – the lyrics were generic and she didn't sell it on stage. In “World's Worst”, she didn't really add anything to the skit, and she cut Widow off. While in “Gay's Anatomy”, she thought she tried something different, but her baby character wasn't fun. Then it seemed like she gave up in her last lip sync. But yeah, Nicky served Parisian high fashion on the runway. My faves were her Fall look, her Sparkle look, and all 3 Ball looks. My least fave was her Spring look. 9. Gigi Goode Falls into the bland category for me. Gigi mostly talked about wanting to be on top (who doesn't?) Or being excited for a Fashion Show. Or updating us on her Ball outfit. Or just hyping herself up: “I'm not just good, I'm incredible”; “I see my drag going to the cover of Vogue. Period.”; “I think this means that I'm the queen bee of this season right?” Gigi also struck me as someone who cares about her image. She didn't really give reads; aside from comparing Crystal's singing to Kermit smoking pot. She was terrified of politics. She apologized for not knowing Patti LuPone. And she only got involved in drama once – when she told Heidi that she wasn't listening to the judges; a comment that Heidi found unnecessary – and she tried to smooth things over ASAP. She also later said “we've built a family and families fight and families get over it!” Sure. Otherwise, Gigi started showing vulnerability towards the end, when she cried over what to do in the stand-up challenge, and talked about repressing her self-doubts. She also came out as gender fluid on the show. And her mom making her outfits was so wholesome. In the competition: Gigi having 4 wins is excessive, especially 3 times in 4 episodes. They weren't undeserving wins, but there were other options: Jaida could've won the Ball, Jackie could've won Snatch Game, Jan could've won the Rusical. Gigi's Ball looks were polished but not that inventive. Her saucy robot in Snatch Game was funny but came off cocky. Her poses in the Rusical were compelling though. And her “I'm That Bitch” performance was fierce, even if I wasn't into the lyrics. I laughed when she read the audience members in her stand-up too. On the flip side, Gigi's stuck-up character in the advert didn't land. Her Debate was lacking (“why not”). Her Makeover outfits screamed safe. She was just a corpse in “World's Worst”. And her “turn it into comedy” bit in the “Starships” lip sync was cringe. Also, Gigi's runways were very well-constructed, but her style didn't excite me? The colonialism costume was a choice. My faves were the button outfit, her Black Wedding, the Daphne Blake one, and her pirate entrance. 8. Jan The blandest cast member of the blandest season. But still likeable enough. Jan was this positive, energetic Drag Race superfan who was excited to be there. There was even a complication of her chipper moments after she left. But Jan's confessionals didn't have much personality. The few Jan moments that stood out were: her being flabbergasted that Aiden didn't know her outfit was referee. When she talked about being a sports kid. When she assumed she'd win the Rusical because of her experience, resulting in the infamous face crack. And when she insisted that she was upset over Brita leaving, and not because of losing the Rusical. I call BS on that. I think Jan was moreso crushed that she didn't meet her own expectations. She later said “It's a good thing that Brita's gone because now I don't have to worry about her”, as if that was ever the issue. In the competition: Jan was highly ambitious, but I think this came off as desperation to impress the judges. The judges said she was doing too much. Jan sounded overeager in “You Don't Know Me”, but that attitude works well in a song. The point of the challenge was to introduce who you are, which she did. Her high energy was annoying in the “Droop” advert though, but I liked the Jan puns, and I understood her product better than Widow's or Gigi's. Otherwise, Jan was a solid actress in “World's Worst” and “Gay's Anatomy”. Her screaming at Sh*rry was funny in the latter. And her choreo was impressively smooth in the Rusical. Her Bernadette Peters in Snatch Game was forgettable though. As for Jan's runways, Buttons And Bows was amazing, and Black Wedding was my other fave. I enjoyed her in the lip sync too, even if it didn't match the song. 7. Dahlia Sin “I'm Dahlia Sin and I'm here to take your man”. I can definitely tell she's from the House of Aja. Dahlia was very chill in confessional, usually laughing at whatever she just said. She forgot to wear underwear in the premiere, she wanted to poke Rock M's butt, she “meh”-ed everyone out of drag, and she talked about her twin brother. Dahlia wasn't very chill during her exit, however, when she stormed off the stage without an exit line. She also had a problem with Crystal receiving encouragement on Untucked, and she was bitter that Crystal didn't lip sync. But Dahlia had the last laugh: she made cameos in the broccoli costume for the rest of the season! In the competition: Dahlia was a pretty obvious first boot. She just wasn't performing at the same level as the rest. Her girl group verse was the worst one across both premieres – her performance lacked conviction and Michelle exposed her lying in the lyrics. While in “World's Worst”, she hesitated and looked lost, playing this sensual-voiced broccoli that didn't land. Then she kept looking at the camera during the lip sync. Both of Dahlia's main stage runways looked unpolished too. Her best look was the Fall fashion show black fur. 6. Aiden Zhane I want to sympathize with Aiden. Brita borderline bullied her, and the cast tore her down, even when she did well, reaching a boiling point on the episode 5 Untucked. I'm glad she stood up for herself there. But I think Aiden was too standoffish and defensive: “I repeat I'm not a dancer”; “I guess I'm gonna have to be, aren't I?”; “well I'm not just going down there with my face painted, naked”; “when I did ask for my lines, I only asked once”; “I don't think so, I know so”. She tried to brush off their opinions, but I think they affected her. Like Leslie Jones pointed out, Aiden had this sour demeanour. She had to fight the perception she's the weakest. She felt disadvantaged for not coming from a big city. She got exposed in the premiere for calling herself an actress. And she finished her Ball outfit super early, which upset some people. That said, the only real storyline of the season revolved around Aiden so... In the competition: Aiden's “You Don't Know Me” verse gave us an idea of who she is. And she had that Mae West voice in “Gay's Anatomy”. She sold it with her facial expressions in those two challenges. But she looked unsure during “World's Worst”. While in Snatch Game, it was like she had no idea how to answer the questions as Patricia Quinn, someone she knew personally! She also gave up in the lip sync. I wasn't a fan of Aiden's simple outfits either - her Spring look, her Buttons And Bows, her Frozen one, and all 3 of her Ball looks. The referee outfit did need more time on it. Her Tulle runway was her best. Her face was what made her drag unique. 5. Widow Von'Du I'm not sure how to process the assault charges. But Widow had a presence to her during her introduction (“get into AAAAOOOOOOOOLLL of this”). In the premiere, she was voluntold to lead the choreo... until Brita and Jackie overstepped (insert deep sigh confessional). Then she gave up and gave attitude (insert “go ahead go ahead” confessional). Then they said she wasn't taking charge on Untucked. Lol. But yeah, Widow was enjoying herself so much in confessional: “I enjoy when bitches tell me what their weaknesses are”; “MF Sh*rry P*e that's my role”; “you can just taste the fakeness in the air”; “apolo-lie”; “...and now i'm laying eggs in you bitch”. She was devilish in the Rusical episode too (“Jackie, karma's a bitch ain't it”; “I got my first choice”; “well guess what bitch I'm a dancer”). But Widow was moody when she didn't get the “Gay's Anatomy” role she wanted. She was upset over Jackie's preparedness comments, and responded vindictively. And she self-destructed midseason, all because Ru pointed out she hadn't won lately. The inner saboteur took over! I think Widow felt pressured to impress Chaka Khan too. In her last episode, she got frustrated at the judges, and didn't know what they wanted. Otherwise, Widow shared stories of her mom's passing, her abusive relationships and getting kicked out. In the competition: Widow annihilated everyone in the premiere, between her side splits in “I'm That Bitch”, and her multitude of moves in the “Starships” lip sync. She then carried her disastrous team in “World's Worst” (“and this is barbecue sauce”). And she delivered personality in “Gay's Anatomy”. Her Tina and Ike in Snatch Game was whatever, but she had the cake joke. And she was great in the Rusical, just overshadowed. But Widow fell apart midseason. Her advert came off lifeless. Then the judges didn't understand her angry politician in the Debate. Maybe she played it too serious, but she was funnier than Gigi or Jackie. That said, I was disappointed by Widow's runways. Her Buttons And Bows clown, her Cape, her Frozen life-preserver, and especially her Michelle Visage look were a “no”. She was one of my least faves in the Ball too. I appreciated her Stars and Stripes message though. 4. Rock M. Sakura “Is it cultural appropriation? We'll find out”; “this song is dumb, I wanna do it like this and dress like a hot dog”; “feeling that steam [...] like some sort of hot pocket”; “you just walk down the runway and scream: high fashion”; “I want that apple!”. Rock M's high energy OTT personality was entertaining to me. She was so extra during her entrance. She loudly duct taped herself in the Werk Room. She flailed her arms in confessional. But I think this was her anxiety acting out. She explained how she uses humour to mask her insecurities. But I don't think Rock M was emotionally ready for Drag Race. She told Ru that she needed the girls for support. She had that emotional story about her mom's drug addiction. She meekly asked for that apple role. I'd love to see her growth on a future All-Stars though. In the competition: I enjoyed Rock M's “You Don't Know Me” verse. She gave us a character (the fart joke didn't bother me), but I can see how her performance came off intrusive. While in “World's Worst”, she told this joke that wasn't a joke at all... and that was the joke. I was more intrigued by Rock M's looks though. The anime outfit she drew herself was impressive. Her tulle runway was bold (I disagreed with Ross on that one). As was her Buttons And Bows. So it was surprising to see her bomb the Ball challenge. The tether ball was a gag (which is why I didn't put her bottom 2), but her second look had misshapen hip pads, and her third one just looked like garbage scraps. Then she couldn't get the skirt off during the lip sync... 3. Crystal Methyd Despite the quieter edit, and not being involved in any drama, and only having a few memorable confessionals - “I'm a little devil that likes to raise hell in Bible Belt”; “Own it baby! My husband is Harry Hamilton or something”; “I'm not too impressed that Gigi was able to make a pretty girl into a pretty girl”; “Jackie is meeping?” - there's just something about Crystal. She's so genuine and humble with a positive attitude. She was the underdog dark horse too. It seemed like Crystal was going to be an early boot. She cried in front of the judges in episode 3, and she couldn't get past her self-doubt at one point. But once she realized what worked for her, she was unstoppable. Such a good growth story. Crystal was living for the other girls during challenges too. She had a One Direction tattoo in Arabic, a language she doesn't even speak. Ru was obsessed with her mullet (cue “Rhythm of the Night”). And she talked about her conservative parents and her father's Parkinson's. In the competition: Crystal had a rough start, messing up her line in “World's Worst” and blanking on the questions, as well as her Buttons And Bows runway. The fork bit in “Gay's Anatomy” didn't land either. And the judges didn't get her Poppy impression in Snatch Game (but at least she tried unlike Brita or Aiden). Her “I'm That Bitch” verse was kinda bad, but that's why I like it (“I'll have you all screaming Crystal Methyd!”) Then Crystal slayed the second half. Her wacky comedy carried her through the Rusical (the echos; the checking of her pulse), the advert (magic mullet!), the Debate (another mullet joke!), and of course the fitness instructor. Crystal had the most interesting runways too. Her style was ugliness turned into beauty. That's exactly how I'd describe her Makeover. Her Freddy Krueger look, her Black Wedding, and her purple look were all amazing too. I also like her Capes and final 5 blue. 2. Jaida Essence Hall “Chile I'm not finna be this damn orange no”; “this is not RuPaul's excuse race”; “Antarctica's at the bottom ain't it?”; “If a robot and a Barbie and a cheerleader had an orgy...”; “dinosaur doctor”; “nobody wants the butt slice of bread”; “keep your ass right and your mind will follow”; “who is Rose Nylund?”. Yeah... Jaida's my fave winner since Bob. She was so fun in the Makeover episode too: “Let me see, run your split Jackie”; “Mic drop. Bow. Boom. Cat. Cow.”; “baby you gonna get rid of that pinky toe”. Plus there's her ball jokes in the Ball episode. Jaida came in calling herself a classy, boujee female impersonator. She was wise and didn't have time for other people's BS. She started off the season by giving attitude in rehearsal, because she wanted simpler choreo that she wouldn't mess up, and no one listened to her. She called this a “slight disagreement” next episode lol. Then she refused to give Rock M the role she wanted. She got heated at Aiden interrupting her. She schooled Aiden on making excuses. And she clarified to Jackie that she didn't have a say in going last. But Jaida also gave supportive words to Rock M. Same with Jackie about her mom. And she told Widow to get out of her head. She didn't get emotional until the end, first with her Makeover partner, then in front of Whoopi. In the competition: Jaida's only bad performance was her pee story in the stand-up, imo. Just dead air from the audience there. She was “middle of the pack” a few times, like her confrontational apple in “World's Worst”, or her Cardi B in Snatch Game, or when she struggled to say “Diver-dick-ulitius” in “Gay's Anatomy”. But all those performances were good enough. And when Jaida was on top, she slayed. Her “You Don't Know Me” verse made a confident statement (plus the booty slap!) She arguably had the best look in all 3 Ball categories. She sold sexiness in the Rusical. No one came close to her in the Debate (“LOOK OVER THERE”). No one stood a chance against her in a lip sync. And her Makeover looked opulent. My other fave Jaida runways were Tulle, Frozen, Michelle Visage, Stars And Stripes, and the purple one. 1. Heidi N Closet Whether Heidi was getting phrases wrong: “Leprosy print”; “like watching the walls dry”; “right up my avenue”; “as a political politician”; “hepiphany”; “the initialation”. Or simply joking around: “ARR MATEY”; “overall she delivered – literally because she was pregnant”; “maybe she's not the trade of the season – what if I'm the trade of the season?”; “Gigi? Cocky? I would've never guessed”; “and that was the right numbers of fingers honey”. Heidi charmed the viewers in such a cute and harmless way. She laughs with us, and at herself, and doesn't take things too seriously. In the premiere, Heidi had the trill entrance, she pushed through an allergic reaction, she made chicken noises in front of the judges, she exclaimed “I'll never eat kale again!”, and she confronted Nicki Minaj on Untucked. That critique made her so mad. Heidi would also banter with Ru during her walkthroughs, and oftentimes stole Ru's ideas. Ru hated her name too lol. Heidi also had her emotional moments: She seemed irritated during the Rusical Untucked. She felt insulted by Gigi saying she hadn't improved her make-up. And she yelled “f**k you” at everyone on Untucked to leave Aiden alone, which was iconic. But Heidi was there for Widow. She had the uncle passing from HIV story. And she proved Jaida wrong for ranking her last. In the competition: I'm declaring Heidi the Lip Sync Assassin of Season 12. She had funny and entertaining moves in each one until she faced Jaida. She was also bottom 2 in challenges where nearly everyone did well - “Gay's Anatomy” (that fork bit did not land) and the Rusical (for not emulating Madonna, but her moves were still impressive). That said, Heidi's Makeover outfits were basic, and her stand-up routine was messy. Still, she should've won “World's Worst”. And she had the Widow's shoe joke in Snatch Game, the “tears of a drag queen” in the advert, and Jackie's 5 O'clock shadow jab in the Debate. I thought she was one of the best in “I'm That Bitch” too. But Heidi's runways were kinda mediocre. My faves were her Fashion Show looks, even if the headpiece fell off. Her Ball looks weren't the best, but not the worst either. Favourite entrance look: Gigi Goode (night 1) / Rock M. Sakura (night 2) Challenge ranking: 1. “I'm That Bitch” (Girl Group #1) 2. Madonna: The Unauthorized Rusical 3. “Droop” Adverts 4. “You Don't Know Me” (Girl Group #2) 5. “One-Queen Show” (Stand-up) 6. The Ball Ball 7. Snatch Game 8. “Gay's Anatomy” (Acting) 9. “Viva Drag Vegas” 10. Superfan Makeover 11. Presidential debate 12. “World's Worst” (Improv) (this challenge felt endless) Lip Sync ranking: 1. Gigi Goode vs Widow Von'Du ("Starships") (Widow kept finding new moves to show off!) 2. Jan vs Widow Von'Du ("This Is My Night") 3. Brita vs Heidi N Closet ("Burning Up") 4. Jackie Cox vs Widow Von'Du ("Firework") 5. Heidi N Closet vs Jaida Essence Hall ("1999") 6. Jackie Cox vs Heidi N Closet ("Kill the Lights") (Jackie was cringe) 7. Heidi N Closet vs Nicky Doll ("Heart to Break") (Nicky wasn't trying, but Heidi's moves were cute ignoring the wig fail) 8. Jaida Essence Hall vs [Redacted] ("Call Your Girlfriend") (LOL at Jaida playing off the other person) 9. Jaida Essence Hall solo ("Get Up") 10. Brita vs Rock M. Sakura ("S&M") (Rock M's skirt wouldn't come off! but Brita was enjoyable) 11. Top 3 Lip Sync #2 ("Survivor") 12. Crystal Methyd vs Jackie Cox ("On The Floor") 13. Crystal Methyd solo ("I'm Like a Bird") (it's meme-worthy at least) 14. Aiden Zhane vs Brita ("Let It Go") (Brita very theatrical/Aiden looks dead) 15. Gigi Goode solo ("Take On Me") (without the set design, it's not all that) 16. Top 3 Lip Sync #1 ("Bring Back My Girls") (it's just their faces...) 17. Dahlia Sin vs Nicky Doll ("Problem") Season ranking so far: 9 > 5 > 6 > 11 > AS2 > 4 > 10 > 2 > 7 > AS3 > AS4 > 3 > 8 > 12 > 1 > AS1

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ivdiaries · 1 year

Text

Another one of Ima’s existential crisis at 12:05 am

Hi, I just realized that I don’t want to be and I will never be a mother.

It’s not even something I dream of. I mean, I have friends who wants to become a mother someday. And most of the time they tell me, “magbabago pa yang isip mo, bata ka pa naman.”

But shit, ever since I was xx years old - I never wanted to have kids. I never even dreamed of becoming a mom. I can’t take care of myself properly, I can’t even take proper care of my cat (but she’s still alive and well don’t worry) HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO TAKE CARE OF A BABY???? Especially MY baby???

I’m not pregnant ha hahaha pero I’m just saying I’ll never be pregnant (I hope?? I wish??)

As someone who grew up as the eldest in the family and took care of my younger siblings (the best and the harsh way I can), I knew what it’s like to change diapers, feed them milk, burp them, and etc. so at a young age, I helped my mom do all that - sometimes I did that alone.

That’s why as I grew older, the more I never wanted to be one. I’d rather be the rich wine tita at house parties.

Maybe for others, they realize how much they wanted to have one. But for me, I just know motherhood isn’t suitable for me.

Also - the way you have to prepare for your child’s future, their needs and their wants lalo na the important ones such as education, shelter, food, clothes - the amount of money you have to save and spend just for a kid to have a bright future. I mean - IDK in this economy?? Parang wag nalang hahaha.

I mean, I’ve always wanted to settle down. I know that I want to be married to the person I love someday. At some point, I know I’m wifey material (HAHAHA di nga lang marunong magluto so paano??) but that also means having a kid in the future. I know it’s not necessary to have kids, depending on what my future partner and I will agree on, but what if the guy I marry wants to have one? What if the guy I, soon, will spend the rest of my life with, have dreams of becoming a father?

And I can’t give him that kasi I don’t want to have kids.

Would that mean I’m not the right person for him?

Like in Grey’s Anatomy, Cristina Yang is one of my favorite characters. She’s bold, smart, cold hearted (except with Meredith), smartmouth, can be harsh and a bit of a know it all.

There’s a story line where she fell in love with Owen Hunt. And they decided to get married - but during their dating stage it was clear that Cristina doesn’t want to have a baby - and Owen did everything he could to convince Cristina, because he wants and dreams to be a father.

Bottomline, they filed for divorce. Owen remarried, and Cristina moved to Switzerland and became the owner of a research hospital.

I know my life is far from it because 1) it’s a tv series 2) they’re doctors 3) I don’t have a personality same as Cristina’s.

Anyway, idk. I feel like I’m too young to figure this shit out. I need to have a boyfriend first too HAHAHA.

That’s all. Bye.

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arcanadreams · 3 years

Text

That time you and your demon boyfriend went viral

hi yes hello obey me fandom!! my name is Gabbi and i have never played a single second of the actual game but i have read enough fanon content for the past year to have this idea swimming around in my head and now i am finally letting this accursed thing out of my brain and putting it in yours

also i’m only doing the brothers because any more than that and i’d have an aneurysm probably. oh and shoutout to @obeythebutler and @beels-burger-babe for inspiring me with their works to feel brave enough to write for this fandom

Lucifer:

You and Lucifer go viral on Asmo’s Devilgram story!

You’re in the kitchen helping Asmo with dinner duty and singing along to one of your playlists of human realm music that you like to show him.

Asmo starts filming your cute little dance while you stir the pot on the stove because you are just adorable!

About ten seconds into him filming, Lucifer appears in the doorway with quite the stern look on his face. You know, the one that comes right before a “MAMMOOOOOON” and strikes fear into the heart of all those with functioning eardrums. That one.

He opens his mouth, presumably to tell y’all to shut the fuck up, but then there’s a lull in the music and the eldest can hear your voice ever so slightly above the song’s vocalist and he freezes.

Man stops in his tracks like someone just smacked him in the face with a midair volleyball.

Asmo can be heard stifling a laugh behind his phone.

Lucifer’s face gets so soft and he almost, almost, loosens his metal-rod-through-the-ass posture before you notice him and give a little wave and ask if you and Asmo were being too loud like the considerate darling you are.

Lucifer clears and his throat and says something like, “No, you aren’t. I was just coming to check on how dinner is coming along,” and leaves, after which Asmo immediately presses the post button.

Screenshots of Lucifer’s heart eyes for you go absolutely viral because every demon on Devilgram goes absolutely feral for seeing the eldest demon brother lose his dignified composure. It becomes a meme template. “Get you someone who looks at you like Lucifer looks at MC” and “me at the delivery demon when he shows up with my spicy bat wings” posts become commonplace. (Asmo thinks the memes are totally worth getting strung up with Mammon for laughing at them.)

Mammon:

Much like Lucifer, you and Mammon end up going viral off Asmo’s Devilgram. (Noticing a pattern here?)

He pulls a silly prank on your asses and honestly I don’t know how you fell for it. But hey, they say “idiots in love” for a reason, so...

You and Asmo are sitting in the common room of the House of Lamentation just chillin. Well, he’s chillin, you’re on the floor studying for an upcoming exam.

The video starts in the middle of a conversation you and the avatar of lust were having.

“No, Asmo,” you say. “Mammon and I don’t use pet names for each other.” Now that’s just a darn lie, and every demon and crow within ten miles of Mammon and you together knows it.

“Really? I find that very hard to believe, MC.~”

You sigh in response to Asmo’s teasing. “Okay, he has a lot for me but I’m just not much of a pet name person, y’know?” The rest of the exchange goes like this:

“Oh, I totally get it.” *pause* “Hey MC, what do human world bees make again?”

“Honey.”

Cue a sheepish Mammon sticking his head in the doorway at the bluntness of your tone when you answered Asmo.

“Yeah, babe?” he looks like a puppy left on the side of a highway oh my god hUG HIM-

Asmo turns the camera back to his smug ass face and in the background you can be heard tripping on the damn carpet trying to get up and hug your mans. (”MAMMON GET OVER HERE SO I CAN HUG YOU” “W-WHAT? I THOUGHT YA WERE MAD AT ME?!?!?!?!”)

Leviathan:

Streamer Levi? Streamer Levi.

You guys go viral the first time you make an appearance on one of Levi’s weekly (insert cool Devildom streaming service name here) streams.

It’s completely unintentional. You had been asking him for weeks to play with him on there, but he’s the avatar of envy after all. He doesn’t like sharing his partner, even if it’s with random strangers who have no real access to you.

However, he has his stream on a Thursday instead of a Friday one week, and you come into his room carrying dinner because 1) You didn’t realize he was streaming and 2) No matter what he was doing, the boy needed to eat. It wasn’t unusual for you to bring him dinner, so you had no idea why he was blushing and stammering even more than usual this time in particular. Boy was speaking in beached whale trying to tell you what was wrong.

Then you notice his screen. Oh! “Hi chat!” You wave, setting Levi’s food down on his desk in front of his keyboard. “M-MC!” He full-on whines, slamming a hand over his mouth afterwards when he remembers his viewers could hear that.

Honestly, they’d meme the fuck out of him if it weren’t for the fact that they are FINALLY SEEING HIS HENRY!!! THE MYSTERIOUS MC!!!

Chat is bombarding you with questions while you make Levi eat dinner. And by make him eat dinner, I mean literally feeding this man forkfuls/spoonfuls while he games because you love how flustered he gets when you do that.

Does it impact his score? Absolutely. Does he care? Not really when you’re pampering him like that.

You start answering chat’s questions about you while he’s chewing so he can’t tell you to stop LMAO-

You’re a natural on stream. The VOD becomes the most popular on Levi’s account in a matter of hours and soon cute highlights compilations of you and him on that stream start making the rounds on Devildom Twitter.

Satan:

There was buildup to Satan going viral, similar to Levi in a way.

Satan does have a Devilgram, but it’s basically a white woman’s Instagram with added book reviews for variety. Unless you’re a reader his account is pretty boring: candles, books, fireplaces, and cats.

However, after you two started reading together fairly often he began posting pictures of your legs draped over his while you sat together. They’d always be captioned with vague ass pretentious literary criticism.

This goes on for months, and he gains a lot of (horny) followers after the leg pics start up. He doesn’t really get why but you both joke that it’s because you have some damn nice legs and I mean neither of you are complaining about the new following.

You two go viral when he finally shows your face, entirely by accident.

The post is a video, which is already strange for him and grabs attention. In it, you’re scoffing and reading an excerpt of a book, mocking its understanding of female anatomy.

“I’m quoting here, Satan: ‘her breasts bouncing around like giant pacmen.’ I’M SORRY?? THAT ISN’T HOW BOOBS WORK SIR. WHY ARE MEN ALLOWED TO WRITE?”

(fun fact that is a very real quote from a very real book I really read last month pls save me)

Originally the camera is focused on your body, with your head out of frame to protect your privacy, but your righteous anger made Satan laugh. Like, a real laugh. The one that makes you and everyone in earshot wonder if he truly was never an angel cause he sure as hell laughs like one but anyway-

When he threw his head back, his DDD angled up just a tad without him noticing, and your face was in view for like .2 seconds. Screenshots of it are making the rounds on Devilgram almost immediately: FINALLY THE LEGS’ OWNER HAS BEEN FOUND.

Satan apologizes profusely but you honestly find it funny and you two opt to just start taking selfies while reading with both of your faces in them from now on.

Asmodeus:

I’m gonna be real with you: you and Asmo go viral all the time. Pretty much everything Asmo posts can be considered viral because of his social media following and his status as one of the seven avatars of sin.

However, there are some fairly cute highlights to be pointed out among the times you were both featured in a post that blew up.

Your favorite is probably that time Asmo livestreamed on of you guys’ ‘Nail Nites,’ as you call them.

You’re both on the floor, doing your nails and kicking your feet back and forth while talking to chat. A lot of the questions are about your relationship, and there’s a lot of flirting back and forth between the two of you.

A particular clip of the stream does blow the fuck up on Devilgram, though, when someone screen records it and posts it with a bunch of heart emojis edited over it.

“’What colors do you think best describe each other?’ Ooo, that’s a good one, chat!” Asmo claps his hands together excitedly, making sure to be careful of his nails.

Pretty much everyone expected you to say pink, but you surprised both your boyfriend and your viewers when, after a pensive few moments, you replied with “Hmm...probably yellow or orange.”

“Can I ask why, darling?” Asmo tilts his head in confusion. I mean, yeah, those colors look good on him, but he doesn’t wear them often so he’s wondering about your thought process.

“Well, in the human world those colors often represent happiness, optimism, and positivity. You’re always the cheerful presence I need in my life when things get hard, so you have the vibe of those colors.”

Asmo proceeds to burst into tears and hug you, messing up both of your nails and prolonging the stream since you both have to start over. But neither of you particularly care.

Fun fact: Asmo has the clip that demon made of that portion of the stream saved on his DDD and watches it whenever he feels sad.

Beelzebub:

Beel and you probably go the most viral out of everybody. Like this moment is an entire phenomenon across the Devildom internet.

It’s a video, or well, multiple videos, taken at the end of a Fangol game that Beel’s team had just won. Everyone is cheering and going crazy, yourself included, and you just really wanted to congratulate your boyfriend.

So, like the rational person you are, you elect to climb up onto the railing of the bleachers and wave to get his attention.

You were absolutely fine up there, and sat all comfortably motioning Beel over to you. He notices, of course, and jogs over, standing right beneath you and looking up. (Back where you were sitting, Mammon is screeching like a hyena in heat and Belphie, who is laying down, has one eye open to glare at him. The youngest knows Beel would never let you hurt yourself; you’re fine.)

A bunch of assorted demons at the game has started filming while you were sat atop the railing since you were rather noticeable. Therefore, there’s a shit ton of different angles of the adorable events that follow:

You slide off the railing, landing right in Beel’s waiting arms bridal style. You’ve got this brilliant smile on your face as you pull his helmet off. None of the DDDs filming can hear it over the crowd noise, but Beel asks you why you just went through all that trouble and you tell him it’s because you wanted to tell him how proud you are.

Soft boy’s chest puffs up and he smiles this big cheesy smile at you reach up to run a hand through his hair. You feel him practically purr at the contact, and with a laugh you pull him in and plant a big ole smooch on him.

The crowd, at least those of them that can see, scream. Everyone is running high on adrenaline and happy emotions; something that cute causes a ruckus!! When you pull away Beel proceeds to put you on his shoulders and you celebrate with him and the rest of his team.

The videos of you two being adorable go completely viral and there are some threads dedicated to stockpiling every single angle taken of the event. Beel is completely oblivious to the attention but you have a lot of them saved on your DDD.

Belphegor:

If you think Belphegor has any sort of social media presence whatsoever then you are sorely mistaken. (Well okay he actually does run some anonymous troll accounts to meme on Lucifer’s posts but that’s neither here nor there-)

Therefore, naturally, you two go viral off of Asmo’s Devilgram.

Okay so someone in the obey me tag the other say headcanoned that Belphie will go out of his way to nap in ridiculous places and my brain really took that and RAN WITH IT.

So what happens is that Belphie will fall asleep in the fucking weirdest places. I’m talking on top of the fridge, underneath the dinner table, on top of bookshelves...you name it, he has slept there, no matter the effort it takes to get there in the first place.

And, ever since you two started dating, you would join him. Sometimes it involved putting yourself at risk of great bodily harm, but the little smile he gave when you he saw you fucking scaling the countertop to reach him made it worth it.

So anyway, since Beel adores the both of you to no end, he takes pictures whenever he sees you two napping together, whether or not it is in a crazy place. He sends these to the family group chat because he thinks they’re adorable.

Over a span of weeks to months, Asmo has built up a stock of images of you and Belphie cuddles up in seemingly impossible places. Once he has about ten or so, he posts a compilation of them to his Devilgram with some cheesy ass caption like “The things we do for love <3″.

They become a meme SO QUICKLY. Like UNBELIEVABLY quickly.

The picture of you and Belphie sleeping on top of a bookshelf, in particular, is a big hit. Memes abound.

“If my girl doesn’t climb up a bookshelf to cuddle my ass, she don’t love me.” “Get yourself a partner who scales bookshelves just to be with your ass.” Etc etc...Belphie doesn’t give a shit but you laugh at a lot of them so he sees that as a good outcome.

#IM SO HAPPY TO HAVE FINALLY WRITTEN THIS #obey me #my writing #obey me headcanons #obey me x reader #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor #posts

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nevsclowntown · 2 years

Photo

NEXT GENERATION AU

UZUMAKI MENMA!

I’ve briefly talked about him a little bit ago, when my wife and I just started to create this little AU and now we’ve really done nothing but play around with it and I’m honest - it’s so much fun. For someone that’s never spend time working with own characters - neither in fandom spaces nor for myself - this is new and exciting.

If you wanna keep reading about him: TW / CW mention of dysphoria for Naruto

Let's just be real for a second, who has watched Road to Ninja and didn't think that Menma kinda looked like a SasuNaru lovechild??? Exactly. So cy-mon and I sat down and said hey, why not make Menma into their little offspring instead of a crazy alternative Naruto version :') Menma is Sasuke and Naruto's biological child, thanks to the slightly complicated anatomy of Naruto. It's really only sparked after reading a fanfiction, where Naruto was having a body with attributes of both - male and female. Something something to do with the Kyubi, being basically a Kitsune. And Kitsune being able to shift their gender - Naruto's body accomondated to that part of mythology by pressing both biological genders into his anatomy. Naruto's still a man and refers to himself as such - actually he feels a kind of dysphoria about the parts that don't fit the way he wants to be seen as and sees himself. He's never told anyone and the only one that knows is Tsunade, who found him freak out about it :/ However, back to SasuNaru -> After Sasuke had escorted Itachi into the afterlife, Naruto and Sasuke had the chance to meet again - Naruto wanting to pull Sasuke back home and Sasuke who had lost it already, didn't think of coming home AT ALL. They had a physical fight but, long story short, one thing lead to the other and they --- they did it. Afterwards they parted - or rather Sasuke made a run for it and Naruto was brought back home. Time progressed until after Sasuke made Danzo join Itachi and they faced off against each other again. This time, with Kakashi and Sakura on Naruto's side - though things turned out different and Sasuke lost his life in that fight. (Or so they thought -yikes) They went back home & Shikamaru made sure that Sasuke was getting buried inside the Nara Forest - since no one in Konoha wanted to bury Sasuke officially on the Konohan graveyard. Sakura and Naruto were hearbroken. Naruto even more the moment he found out that he was pregnant and that his body could even do that :') After a lot of drama and chaos, mentally for Naruto especially, he decided to keep the child and that's how Menma was born. It took Naruto months to even acknowledge the child as his own and to name him - in the end he decided for Menma, so that they could fit together and eventually create a whole Ramen bowl together. Naruto struggled a lot with raising a child, he had no idea how to care for one and be a parent. So the village helped him, especially Iruka. After a few years, Naruto didn't exactly get over Sasuke, but he was able to take part in the normal life again and after some time he and Hinata actually started to get closer. They ended up in a relationship and moved together. While raising Menma, Naruto and Hinata had always cleared up for him that Hinata wasn't his mother - though Menma was very welcome to see her as such. Which he did. Menma's a very happy, enthusiastic child. He's always doing something. Raising him is a lot like having a cat suddenly being quiet in the other room and you just KNOW he's doing something he's not supposed to do. He's not really playing pranks or anything, though he's easy to get into trouble one way or another. His best friend's Shikadai and they are inseparable. Menma's really eager to learn things and is naturally talented with Ninjutsu. Unlike his father it was much easier for him to create shadow clones - which is probably because his chakra wasn't as wonky as Narutos in his age. He's got a little more chakra, thanks to the Uzumaki genes and will have an easier way with Genjutsu too - since that's really just an Uchiha thing. Menma doesn't know who his father is/was - Naruto does speak about him rarely but if he does he always tells Menma that his father was a very loving person and that he sadly died. Menma doesn't really push those things a lot, still he's curious. The older Menma got, the more problems arised though, since he started to also look more and more like Sasuke. Besides, many people in the village know or can guess who the father of the child is. So some villagers and also parents of other children, meet Menma with distance and whispered commentary. He ends up having trouble because of those Uchiha genes - that aren't really loved by the Konohan community and Naruto's afraid his own child will have to go through a similiar shunning that he had to go through. But at least Shikadai's always with Menma. Things really start to mix up even crazier, the moment Sasuke returns. Not only go Naruto's feelings for Sasuke crazy (while being enganged to Hinata and in the planning of their marriage), but also Menma will have to face the truth about his father

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kkusuka · 4 years

Text

HQ Middle blocker kinks <3

@xxxxtanaxxxx request hq kinks but middle blocker version please 🥺

I'm gonna be honest i wasn't gonna do this buuut here it is

i have a setter one in the works and here is the ace version!

here is the setter version <3

Characters: Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsuro, Suna Rintaro, Satori Tendo, Taichi Kawanishi, Issei Matsukawa, Takanobu Aone,, Shoyo Hinata, Lev Haiba Shugo Meian (MSBY captain), and Yutaro Kindaichi

Mentioned female anatomy, but mostly gn

content warning: consensual non-con, humiliation, public sex, exhibitionism, voyeurisms, degradation, bondage, sex toys, cockwarming, edging, soft priamal/prey, mentions of house break-ins, pegging, size kink, overuse of the word Daddy, face fucking, hickeys

i think thats all?

buckle up, this is gonna be looooong.

Tsukishima Kei

Degradation

This is a given, my mans has a mouth on him, AND HE KNOWS HOW TO USE IT

He says the most vulgar things in your ears (and you love it)

His nickname for you is Cum-dump, and he calls you that so much that you’ve started to respond to it. “Hey, Cum-dump! Come here” “ok Tsukki”

And when he’s cumming? A slew of insults just come out

“You whore, oh, you fucking cum-slut, you’d let anyone do this to you won't you”

And it's not limited to this!

“You're just a hole”

“You only exist for me to fuck, Right? You're just a glorified fleshlight”

“You're only good for sucking my cock”

“I should just leave you chained to the wall so I can fuck you anytime I want, that's all you're good at so you should love it”

It won’t even be only during sex

You could literally be just studying with him and he’ll just lean over and say “ you want to be fucked right now don't you? In front of all these people, I bet you’d love it Cum-dump”

Humiliation

Goes with a dirty mouth

He’ll flip your skirt while walking in front of groups of other students

He purposely sucks hickeys where your uniform does not cover and then laughs at you because you're just such a slut.

One of his favorite things to do is have you wear a vibrator in school, only on days where you have to do something in front of the class

No worries he has the remote and turns it alllllll the way up during the middle of your presentation, you just look so cute all red!

He’ll make it better!!

You can cum in front of the class, let everyone know how much of a whore you are!

Purposeful neglect

He wants you so horny you can’t think

If that means not giving you attention for FIVE DAYS so be it.

No touching yourself and if he finds out you did he’ll ignore you for longer and you don’t want that do you?

You will wait for him to touch you.

He’ll also just ignore you.

No begging, he doesn't care, he doesn't want to hear it.

Don't touch him, stop being a brat or you won’t get off for a whole week.

Bondage

It's all about control <3

Having you tied up and immobile is the best way to show how little you are.

He’ll tie you up and put you on the couch with a vibrator and just watch movies, unable to rock your hips

This seems cruel but he’ll tie your hands up and make you eat dinner with just your mouth <3

He’ll make you watch tv with a ball gag in

He’ll have a riding crop in his hands when you study and he’ll hit your little clit/silt with it every time you get a question wrong

Kuroo Tetsuro

Pet names

Literally any kind o endearment, but mainly switches between Kitten and Baby Girl/Boy(i am swooning right now)

He WILL call you these in front of people and out loud in public

He’s called you them in front of your parents in front of Kenma in the middle of the grocery store.

So you're wondering, why does that matter? People do that all the time!

Well, he calls you them so you remember how he completely ruined your little body and how his cum is still dripping out of you <3

And its cannon that he has a sexy voice, and it drops and gets deeper when he calls you them.

Thigh highs

It doesn't matter in you have the biggest thighs ever or just a bone, if you wear any kind of thigh highs (bonus points for Cat ones) he will be ready to bust a nut

It's not only him that gets off on them, especially when he takes them off

He’ll climb over you and use his teeth to pull them down to your feet and he’ll kiss and bite his way back up to do the other one.

He also will sometimes leave them on to rail you into your bed, when this happens he puts your legs over your shoulders and squishes his head between them.

(kuroo loves thighs, and that's that)

Caregiver

He's taken care of Kenma all his life, and you bet your ass he’ll do it for you

This means he gives the best aftercare you could imagine, I’m talking bubble baths

He’ll cook for you in nothing but an apron, and he’ll tease you when you get all flushed and cute!

You had a bad day? He’ll eat you out for hours until you’re all cuddly and tired.

He’ll fuck you slow where you need it and he’ll kiss all the pain away <3

He just loves having you dependent on him makes him so happy and thankful to have you!

Threesomes

Mainly for Kenma, but he let bokuto have a turn and even convinced Tsikki to give it a try!

He really just wants to show off that you’re his what better way to show you off then let some of them get a taste of something they’d never have.

Favorite position for this? Split roasting/ Eiffel towering

He's the one who you're sucking on, and he’s so far down your throat making him suck you deeper and deeper until you’re drooling all over his balls like a good Kitten

Whoever he sharing you with would be in you following whatever Kuroo tells them to do

Rub your clit? Yes Sir.

Faster. Yup

Slowdown Kittens being bad so she doesn't get to get off <3

Suna Rinatro

Purposeful neglect

Just like Tsukki, he wants you hot and bothered all the time

He will just sit around and scroll on his phone while you’re whining :(

Just let him watch this video and he’ll get you off!

Will never tell you but you just look so cute, all needy and horny for him.

Sometimes he’ll slip you a libido pill and just watch the world burn.

He will wait until you have ruined whatever shorts you’re wearing (and he’ll take them) and THEN he will help his poor needy baby

Cockwarming

Almost every time he games, he puts you on his dick

you already know it’s happening when he takes the controller out

He says it's because he doesn't want to “leave you out”

No moving on him though, if you8 move it could distract him and you do not want him to lose, losing means being pounded into the floor until you can't think, then being ignored the rest of the day “horny sluts can sit on the floor until they need to be used”.

But if all goes well, he’ll go soft in between rounds and will suck on your neck and will let you cuddle into him during the rounds

But when Suna if feeling a bit more adventurous he will put his headset on you and fuck you with all of his friends listening

And if that's not bad enough they all clearly know what’s happening id Osamus soft coo’s and Gin’s little comments (but it's not like they want it to stop anyway)

Edging

Will literally just do this out of nowhere

You thought you were finally gonna cum, then nothing

HE WILL just do things for hours to see you cry and begging or him to just let you cum

He’ll stick four fingers in you and bring you to your climax and just leave you on the edge

He won't even have a reason, you were being good, you let him play his game and he does this?

Que pouty bby

Video/Photography

We all saw this coming-

But he takes it a step further than just having a photo collection of you

He has a personal private story with just you in it where he put videos of you riding him or sucking his dick fo you to “see how slutty you are”

that's not even it, he sends you a picture of you naked in the middle of work, with no shame either

Thus one time you were showing a coworker a shirt you had bought and he texted you and the picture showed up. It was awkward for the next few days.

But these don't even compare to how he has an entire Instagram account (private of course) of your nodes and videos of the two of you fucking.

One extra little thing is that you both watch porn together for ideas.

Satori Tendou

(i could make him a post of his own-so so many kinks for Satori)

Humiliation (mentions of pee)

This can range from calling you names to making you touch yourself in public

He’s called you a pillow princess in the middle of class, in front of your teacher

It had gotten so bad they Ushijima had to ask what a “cum-dumpster was” because Satori had called you that in front of the team.

He doesn't even introduce you as his S/O, hw=e would call you an escort or that you were just his personal fuck toy.

This kink goes so far that when you were on a double date with Semi, under the table Tendo had his hand literally in your pants.

**One of his favorite things is to make you hold your pee in until you are almost peeing yourself, isn't that embarrassing that you're a grown adult who’s about to wet yourself?

Overstimulation

He wants to see you a complete mess all over him

The main goal of all of this is to make you squirt or begin to have dry orgasms

He will not stop until he’s happy or you say your safe word (which is rare)

One orgasm just isn't enough for him :/

And it's a big boost of confidence for him!

he‘s proud to know he can make you cum so much you cant even think!

Dacryphilia

This AND overstim?

Good luck

He can't even explain why it turns him on so much.

You just look so beautiful with tears streaming down your face all fucked out

It always hits him at the worst times too, you crying over a bad grade? A pretty tear falling over your soft cheeks. Hard.

Just watched a sad movie, he’s ready to pound you into the couch.

Anal

Oh ho ho

This can be one of two things, he does it because it feels good

He does it as punishment

That means no lube

No adjusting to his dick

And no extra pleasure to help you get off

He’s so mean </3

Taichi Kawanishi

This man screams pornstar

Public sex

This man is unstable

You could just be walking in public and he just decides he wants to fuck.

Who are you to stop him?

Just let him get this out real quick you can shop later.

Exhibitionism

The thought of being in the open? This man loves it

And you don't really have a choice but to love it

Every time you go to the beach he just has his dick in you, in the ocean sitting in his lap while eating lunch

He doesn't even care who sees

Children? Who cares, look away or whatever

Getting caught

It doesn't even matter who it is

If someone walks in when you're doing it he’s cumming

It's just hot

He doesn't need to explain it to you

he also makes u take nudes and had them as his homescreen for a while

Issei Matsukawa

I’d let this man kill me-

Leather/ latex

LEATHER GLOVES

He wears them when he fingers you so he can make fun of how wet you made them.

He dresses you up in these pretty little pastel dresses (gender to heel, he doesn't care, you look hot weather your a boy, girl, or not) and he wears all black (goth daddy Mattsun) and his gloves to fuck you in his leather-covered fist.

That's not even it

He has an entire bin of different colored chokers and leashes just for his pretty baby

Along with that, he has a shelf of latex thigh highs for you to wear and even has an entire outfit for you to wear and show off to him.

Ddlg/b/n-Lifestyle

This is why he has a lot of things that you wear!

He loves to take care of you all the time!

He loves to make his baby food and love to watch movies with you

And you love him so much too!

You would do anything for Daddy!

And he takes you shopping and to restaurants, and if you want literally anything big or small all you have to do is look up at him with puppy dog eyes and a “Daddy, please!!” and boom his credit card is already out.

Size kink

Big dick Mattsun-

This all comes back to the fact that you are so beautiful

And big dick little hole, who doesn't love that??

He sure does, don't worry though he always makes sure to prep you

Except if it's punishment- he doesn't like it he swears! He’d never want to hurt you!

And you’d believe it until your crying on his cock and it throbs ://

But if it still hurts, and it does, he’ll let you go your pace and sink all the way down onto his cock<3

Fun fact the first time he went into your ass he tried to with no lube and you couldn't sit for DAYS

Voyeurism (receiving)

Makki Makki Makki

I would say he was into Cuckolding but its always him doing the watching while Issei fucks you

And Makki loves it too if his constant praises and coo’s said anything about it.

And Mattsun just gets off on the fact his best friend is watching something he’ll (maybe if you're not into it) never fully have

Mattsun also likes having you tied up an watching him fuck a fleshlight of just jerking off

You look so pathetic :)

extra for big dick mattsun, he Shows all of his friends <3

I am a whore for the Seijoh 4

You bet Makki has an entire folder of pic of you, whether they are of you dripping cum or just with your legs open.

Even if he says he doesn't save them, you know Iwa has gotten off you a recording of you moaning and asking for Daddy’s cock

And Oikawa is always asking for more (the little manwhore), he says they are “references” for him, liar, he jerks off to them in his bathroom.

Takanobu Aone

It's always the quiet ones-

I just gotta get these first two out-

Consensual non-con

I can just TELL he like to pretend to break into your house

Pretend you're so scared and you don't like it

Tying you up and listening to your little cries, awwwwweeee

You were just too pretty to ignore

Just let him have a taste, stop crying he knows you want it just as much as he does

Primal/prey

He wants to feel like he earned his reward

A perfect little trophy for him to use as a toy

His dick in your tiny dripping hole is all the reward he needs

It's like you're a pretty innocent bunny and he’s a big fox just waiting for the right time to strike :)

Soft sex/ praise

I know what I said up there

But none of that means he doesn't love just setting you down on the bed with candles and rose petals and just making love

Soft music in the background and worshipping every inch of your skin

You need to be vocal though!

Tell him how pretty he is when he cums, and how perfectly his dick fits in your hole!

Tell him how soft he looks and how he is making your nipples feel like heaven.

Aftercare- bc I am also soft for aone and he is a good guy

Bubble baths and chocolate

Movies and cuddling

All of this makes him so glad that he found you

Especially when you cuddle into him all sleepily and tired.

Shoyo Hinata

oh he is so pretty-

Mutual masturbation

It's the perfect way to experience pleasure

He can see you in all your glory

All of the faces he sometimes misses when he’s fucking you!

He also learns from it!

He sees the angle your fingers go to hit that sweet spot so the next time he’s in you he knows where to aim!

(he is so precious-)

Pegging

You wanted to try it so he almost immediately agreed-

But it felt good!

The two of you reserved what one you wanted so the one he picked was almost made for him.

Plus, you look ridiculously good with the strap on-

And he voices that as much as he can!

And sometimes when he rides the strap he just watches it going in and out and in and out

(you also think this is SUPER hot but won't tell him :/)

Riding

It doesn't matter if it's you or him

Watching you fall apart on his cock without him doing a thing makes him cum harder than anything

Sometimes he gets so excited that he comes before you and makes you stay there until he’s hard again, which doesn't take long at all.

when it's him?

he’ll go for hours just to hear you tell him how good he is and how pretty he looks

Lingerie

Especially pastel babydolls

But nothing you wear could ever make you look bad in his eyes

Ok he likes it when you keep the lingerie on too like he’s fucking you and you till have a little nightgown/crop top on

Lord he will BUUUUUUSSSTTT

Lev Haiba

Size kink

Unintentionally too

He didn't even know it, but he did know that he liked that you were so much smaller than him.

He likes to put your hand to him and just look at the difference and before he knew it he was painfully hard

On the occasion, he makes fun of you saying his dick is just too big for you and you can't handle it, but then you get on your knees and he shuts up real quick

Praise kink

A given

He wants to know how good he makes you feel at all times

It doesn't have to be words either!

loud moans explanations of pleasure all drive him to move faster and faster!

Even yelling “oh god!” gets him off

He makes you feel that good huh?

Wall sex

Just playing on the size kink thing

He loves to just pick you up and fuck with reckless abandon

Gets a way better angle too- bet you didn't think he would realize that

He also likes to watch the combination of your juices drip to the floor-

Shugo Meian (MSBY captain)

Sexiest team-

Daddy/ Captain kink

Just look at him, he screams Daddy louder than you do when he’s fucking you

He takes pride in being Captain meaning he’ll fuck you for hour if the word even falls from your lips

And yes you have said it (daddy) front of the team and he did get hard, and the both of you did fuck in the locker room of the gym for an hour before you got kicked out

Even in arguments you better call him daddy, he will stop and fuck you into the ground for it

Angry or not you WILL use his title

Spanking

Will threaten you with this almost everyday

He just uses it as an excuse to touch your ass

He makes you count after each one and makes you thank him

It would look a bit like this

“Five! Thank you Daddy!” “Good Baby, five more”

But that doesn’t mean when you really deserve it that he won't unleash the wrath of god onto your poor ass

But after he’ll kiss it all better and Daddy will reward you for taking your punishment well

Controlled orgasms

By this i mean that you wont cum unless he says so

And you have to ask

Aka “Daddy please let me cum, I really want to”

And depending on what he’s feeling maybe you’ll get to cum then

And if not you’ll have to wait like a good Girl/Boy and cum when he does, which could late literally forever.

but its better than disobeying his orders, which could lead to him completely pulling out and just jerking off to cum on you :((

Deepthroating/ Face Fucking

Nothing is better to him than coming home to you on your knees and mouth open and ready

But when he’s all pent up from practice and he sees you?

Rip your throat, you aren't talking for a few days

He’ll literally fuck your face no question

He’ll put his dick so far down your throat you could feel it in your stomach

Yutaro Kindaichi

Hate sex

He just makes everyone angry

And he gets off on it

You look so fucking delectable all red faced and angry

Makes him want to just slam into right then and there

Dom/Sub

Clearly he wants to be in control

Controlling someone is just such a turn-on for him

Looking all pretty doing exactly what he wanted you too <3

Hickeys

Wants to show off that you are his

What better way than marking up your neck with pretty bruises

Plus he likes how you get all shy when people look at them

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