#I don't think I've ever been so invested in something I've written before and this was just jdhlkjdhfgkjhdf

[baek-at-it-again95]

We Know

Pairings: park seonghwa x fem reader x choi san

genres/content: action, agent au, mafia au? rivalry, leader bang chan, angry seonghwa, y/n is san's weakness lol

Warnings: profanity, violence, weapons, suggestive content!! please take care of yourselves <3

A/N: I am nervous about this one y'all 😳 I've never written something like this before, but it ended up being so fun! This is for my friends, @milfks and L, who had these wonderful ideas! Love you two lots <3

Synopsis: Tonight's mission is in your hands, and you're eager to prove that you're capable of handling it on your own. Unfortunately, your plans are interrupted a bit sooner than you expected.

***

"I've got eyes on him," you mumble, pretending to fix your diamond earring as you adjust your earpiece. Surveying from the platform of the mansion's grand staircase, your eyes follow a man in a black suit as he turns the corner and disappears down a far hallway.

Chan's sigh rings in your earpiece. "Be careful."

"I can handle myself. Trust me."

"I trust you, Y/N. You know that. It's everyone else that I don't trust. It's your first time unaccompanied," Chan says.

"Like I said, I can handle it. Besides, the boys are always out by themselves and they're just fine." If you could see Chan right now, you know he'd be pinching the bridge of his nose out of stress, holding back from giving you a lecture on why your situation is different from theirs. You know his concern is out of love, and he would blame himself if anything were ever to happen to you. But this is your chance to prove yourself. Tonight, you'll be participating in an auction to get your hands on the Cromer, a powerful artifact that can control time. It's been rumored that ATEEZ has their sights set on it as well, so Chan had you do as much research on them as possible. Unfortunately for you, they're quite good at covering their tracks and keeping their identities under wraps. You know only a few of their names and faces, so you'll need to be extra careful about your approach to this. 

The auction will begin in about an hour, and you'd rather not hear a lecture from Chan. "I'm going in," you whisper. Your black dress flatters your figure perfectly, and you're excited to show it off tonight. With a deep breath, you make your way down the staircase, your heels silent on the expensive red carpet.

Clusters of people stand together around the large space, sipping champagne and chatting amongst themselves. Many wives have separated into groups away from their husbands, who go on and on about their latest business ventures and investments. Understandable—how boring. You greet some people as you go, your charming smile in effect as their eyes land on you. One woman compliments your dress as you pass by, and you enthusiastically return her compliment, telling her that her own dress brings out her eyes. She blushes and tells you it's custom made, which basically means "my dress is worth twice as much as the average person's monthly paycheck." 

You continue to weave through the crowds and admittedly get a bit distracted, still thinking about the woman's compliment. As you turn into the hallway you witnessed your target disappear into, you bump straight into an oncoming person. A strong arm wraps around your waist before you can lose balance on your high heels. 

"Woah there, doll. Straying too far, are we?" A tall man with dark hair looks down at you, his eyebrows raised.

Park Seonghwa. Just the man you were looking for. 

"My apologies sir," you say quietly, feigning innocence and avoiding his eyes. His arm leaves your waist after steadying you. "I was wandering in hopes of finding a vacant room to lie down...I'm afraid I've had a bit too many drinks too early in the night." You stumble for dramatic effect, hoping he'll eat up your lies. "I have to sober up before the auction," you say, shaking your head. "Daddy will throw a fit if I spend all his money tonight."

The man looks amused. "Yeah? Better be careful, princess."

"I can handle myself," you say for the second time tonight, stepping closer to trace the pads of your manicured fingers over the fabric on his chest. He tilts your chin up gently, and you meet his intense gaze. He's breathtaking. Suddenly, you have an idea that seems much more fun than your previous plans.

Sorry Chan, you think as you press yourself against Seonghwa.

***

You didn't find anything of importance on Seonghwa's person, but you did manage to slip a tracking device into his suit pocket. Chan should be able to access his location any minute now.

You enter the auction room fifteen minutes before the event is scheduled to start, scanning the tables for your seat. It's dimly lit, a majority of the lighting coming from a screen behind the stage. You don't see Seonghwa seated anywhere yet.

"And what are the starting bids on you, lovely?" a low voice asks, breath tickling your ear. You turn to look at the owner of the voice, his strong facial features almost as striking as his neatly-styled red hair. He's practically undressing you with his eyes, and you can't say you hate it.

"Whatever you've got to offer, pretty boy," you reply sweetly. He smirks, pleased with himself as one of his hands finds your waist.

"My friend says you're not as innocent as you look."

"Pardon?" you ask. The man turns you around, your back against his broad chest as his free hand reaches up to your ear. Before you know it, your earpiece is on the ground in front of you, crushed beneath a polished designer shoe. Looking up, you see that the shoe belongs to none other than Park Seonghwa. Of course they're working together.

You freeze as something cold presses to the exposed small of your back. 

Fuck.

"One wrong move and you're done for, princess," the man with red hair says calmly, lowering himself back down to your ear. "Try to cause a scene and innocent people will pay the price."

You take a deep breath before nodding your head in submission. You slowly turn back around and watch as he returns his gun to his shoulder holster, his expensive blazer completely concealing it. No one around you sees the ordeal, too distracted and eager to spend their money. The man then puts his arm around your shoulders, leading you out of the auction room. Seonghwa follows close behind, making sure you aren't able to slip away. You have no idea if he is armed at this point in time.

You're led into a large meeting room at the very end of the upstairs corridor, the bright moonlight seeping through the open balcony doors and illuminating the glossy wooden table at the center of the room. You catch a glimpse of the pretty garden below the balcony before the man guiding you throws you to the floor. You can feel the bruises forming on your knees instantly.

You don't dare fight back yet—your training in hand-to-hand combat doesn't do shit when your opponents are armed with guns, of course. You would attempt it if he were alone, but with Seonghwa present and potentially armed, you'd rather feel the situation out. 

God, Chan will never let you out onto the field again. He's probably losing his mind now that you've lost contact with each other. Not to mention the fact that you were busted before you even had a chance to get what you came here for. The auction is going to start any minute, and now you're certain there are other ATEEZ members in the auction room that are ready to claim the Cromer instead of you.

You're angry with yourself for not being more prepared with your own weapon, but your favorite handgun unfortunately didn't fit under your dress of choice. You sigh to yourself. At least you look good in it. 

"Give it up, sweetheart. We know what's going on here," the man with red hair says. Seonghwa locks the door behind him before speaking.

"I saw your wolf tattoo, and I've seen only one other just like it. You're working with Bang Chan," he states, is emotions unreadable. 

No. You had forgotten to conceal your waist tattoo since your dress fully covers it. You hadn't expected to completely remove your dress tonight. Rookie mistake. You should expect everything. 

"All this over a tattoo?" You eye him, downplaying the situation.

"How brave of you to interfere with our operation by yourself," the other man comments, ignoring your previous sentence. "No back up here to save you, huh?" 

"Oh, you don't really believe she's here alone, do you, San?" Seonghwa asks. Choi San. You recognize that name. Seonghwa comes over to you, a completely different aura surrounding him now. He's intimidating, gripping your chin with much more force than he had earlier. "Be a good girl and tell us where your friends are, yeah? Don't make things difficult." A chill runs down your spine at his threat. 

"I'm not here with anyone," you state. It's the truth. Even though Chan had insisted he wait in his car nearby, you convinced him to stay and monitor operations from your base. If you don't make contact within the next hour or two, he'll know something is wrong and follow Seonghwa's location.

"Wrong answer, princess." He grips your hair harshly and you wince. "I have a hard time believing that they would put you in a situation like this without back up. Where are they?"

It's sweet of him to underestimate you, honestly. You got yourself into this situation, and you're sure as hell going to get yourself out. You're already halfway done formulating your escape plan. "I said they're not here," you answer again. He lets go of your hair with a hiss.

"It would pain me to ruin such a pretty face...I think we'll let the boss deal with you." 

The boss? Chan told you that no one knows the leader of ATEEZ—it's safe to assume that anyone who's seen him hasn't lived to tell the tale. You're not sure if he'll have any mercy at all to offer you. But maybe these two still have some in them.

"No, please!" you plead, your fists balled up as they rest on your thighs. "If I tell you where they are, will you go easy on me?" You let your head hang low, looking at the floor. San lowers himself in front of you and you find his eyes. You blink, letting a few tears slip down your cheeks. 

"Sure, doll face. We will." You look away from him to briefly meet eyes with Seonghwa. He still stands at full height, arms crossed as he looks down at you. Perhaps it's your tears making your vision blurry, but you swear his gaze softens at the sight of you. You look back to San, sniffling.

"You promise?"

Now, never ever would someone in their right mind trust a promise from someone like them. But you're not planning on following through with your own side of the promise, either. Two can play at this game. You would never jeopardize the safety of SKZ...you told Chan you could handle yourself and you meant it.

"Promise," San says. He's truly something else, radiating such strong and convincing charm. You would fall for his promise in a heartbeat if you didn't know who he really was.

As you slowly rise from your knees, San stands with you. "They made me do it," you confess, more tears spilling from your eyes and taking your favorite mascara with them. "They said they would kill me if I didn't," you whisper, looking away. 

"It's okay, doll," San says, coming closer to comfort you. You flinch before he touches you. "Just tell us where they are, okay? We'll help you." You bury yourself in his chest, your frame shaking in his arms as you cry quietly.

Your best performance yet, if you say so yourself.

After a long minute in his embrace, you begin to pull away. In the process, you grab the gun out of San's shoulder holster and hold the barrel to the center of his chest. He curses under his breath, raising his arms in defeat. You slowly step backwards, turning your aim to Seonghwa as a warning not to try anything, and then returning your aim to San. Seonghwa makes no attempt to grab for anything, so now you know for a fact that he is unarmed.

"I told you the first time that there's no one here with me." You smile. "But it's nice to discover that you both have a heart." 

"Tell Chan we said hi," Seonghwa replies, irritated. 

"Of course, it would be rude of me not to. It's truly been a pleasure, boys." You give Seonghwa a wink. "We'll meet again, right? Maybe you can introduce me to your boss next time."

You've backed up far enough to step onto the balcony, assessing the situation above and below. The garden below is deserted now that the auction has started, but it's a far drop to the ground. There is another balcony above you, but it seems a bit too high for you to escape to. You're trapped, so you're going to have to pull this off fast to avoid getting hurt. 

All you can hear is the sound of your own heartbeat as you throw the gun over the railing into the garden. If you slip up, they could get their hands on it again, and you cannot let that happen. You'll fight the real way if you must.

As soon as it leaves your hands, the men launch at you. You quickly dodge them, ducking under San's punch and managing to sweep Seonghwa's leg, knocking him to the ground. Now that they're both on the balcony, you run back inside, shutting the french doors and locking them behind you. You know it will barely do anything to set them back—they could easily break them down if they wanted to. Through the glass, you watch as San pulls Seonghwa off the ground and looks at you. He doesn't make an immediate effort to get inside.

Is he letting you go? 

You shouldn't wait around any longer to find out. You blow him a kiss before taking your exit out into the main hall. 

But after stepping out, you see why they let you go...

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Chapter 8: My Favorite Cowboy

Summary: After finding out things aren't going as planned with Javi's project on the ranch, you come over to help. You spend the day meeting Javi's dad, learning about the Peña ranch, and Javi surprising you with a night that you won't ever forget.

Word Count: 12.2K (I'm not sorry about it!!!)

Warnings: SMUT (18+, but it's the most romantic smut I've ever written UGH), unprotected p in v sex (don't be silly, wrap your willy), oral (f receiving), vaginal fingering, creampie, praise, mentions of food/eating, mentions of grief/loss of a parent, Chucho Peña not letting his son have a moment of peace, Javi being a hot handsome cowboy, FLUFF FLUFF SO MUCH FLUFF Javi is a lovesick FOOL for you

A/N: Just when I thought I couldn't cram anymore in to this chapter, here we are. I wasn't planning on it ending the way it did but I literally just couldn't help myself because these two are so obsessed with each other that I'm not even mad about it. That's all I will say!!! As always, thank you so much for everyone who reads/commments/reblogs/is invested in this story, you all mean so much to me and appreciate all your kind words!!

Series Masterlist Next Chapter Previous Chapter

As you hung up the phone with Javi, the reality of your conversation hit you like a ton of bricks. Not only had you just volunteered yourself to go over to Javi’s ranch for the first time, you had also signed up to meet his dad, bring them food, and help with their project? Today was turning out to be a much bigger day than anticipated. Of course you had wanted to see the Peña ranch and meet Javi’s father. Those were two things you knew were both incredibly important to him. That’s why it made you so nervous. You liked Javi. You more than liked him. You wanted more than anything to make a good impression when you met his family, and now that impression depended on a sandwich and your ability to build a fence. 

Thankful you went to the grocery store yesterday, you stared at your fridge before collecting some lunch meat, cheese, and toppings. Unsure of what sandwiches the Peña men would want, you packed a cooler full of 10 different types, each labeled and wrapped in tinfoil, hoping there would be enough variety that they could find at least one they liked. You also threw in the rest of your chocolate chip cookies from last night, along with a bag of potato chips, a few cans of Coke and some bottles of beer. Staring at the cooler, you began to panic, fearing Javi’s dad was going to think you were a crazy person for showing up with so much food, but the thought of him thinking that you didn’t show up with enough was even more terrifying. Realizing that you had spent way longer than expected trying to perfect lunch, you quickly rushed to your room to try and pick out something to wear. Shuffling through your closet, you sighed to yourself, absolutely unsure of what to pick out. What the hell says I’ve missed my hot, sexy boyfriend, I’m excited to meet your dad for the first time, and I’m here to help you build a fence? Nothing. The answer is nothing. Knowing you were tight on time, you just had to go with the first outfit you pulled- denim shorts and a striped short sleeved t-shirt, throwing your hair half up in a clip, hoping to at least look semi-cute before you were a sweaty mess from the hot, Texan heat. Throwing on a little bit of makeup and a healthy dose of deodorant, you grabbed your purse, cooler, and Javi’s directions before heading out the door. 

You couldn’t have been more grateful that your AC was deciding to cooperate in your car today, 1- Because your nerves already had you sweating enough, and 2- the fear of losing Javi’s directions out the open window of your car would have sent you over the edge. You drove the first half of your journey in silence, your free leg bouncing rapidly as you triple checked each turn on the directions. You tried to tell yourself there was nothing to worry about. You were a likable person, right? You pleaded with your brain to cut it out with the “what-if” scenarios, but you couldn’t help yourself. 

What if his dad is annoyed you’re coming over? What if he’s mad about how much time Javi has been spending with you? What if he thinks that your sandwiches are the worst that he’s ever had in his life? What if he just doesn’t like you? Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. 

Your knuckles clenched the steering wheel, as you tried to think of something to snap you out of your stress. Pulling down your overhead visor, you plucked through the CD’s you had stashed up there, grabbing your favorite hype music you and your brothers played before every hockey game. Skipping through the first few tracks, you cranked up the volume as a loud “OI, OI, OI” blasted through the speakers. You weren’t really sure that T.N.T. by AC/DC was an appropriate song to settle your nerves before meeting your boyfriend’s dad for the first time, but by the end of the song, you felt a little more relieved. With only a few more turns left in your trip, you lowered your music and took a few more deep breaths, composing yourself as you found yourself on your last step of directions, making your way down a long, dirt road. Along both sides, the road was lined with bright green fields of farmland, the long grass gently swaying from the breeze. You passed a few ranches spread few and far between each other, turning your head as you drove by to make sure none of them were your destination. As you approached the 5th house on the right, according to Javi’s directions, you breathed a sigh of relief as you turned into the driveway, greeted by a weathered sign reading “Peña Ranch.” 

The nervous feeling in your gut began to build again, palms sweaty as you pushed against the steering wheel, parking behind Javi’s truck like he had asked on the phone. As you turned off the ignition, you sat in your car for a few moments, working up your courage before exiting, grabbing your cooler and heading down the remainder of the gravel driveway to the front door. Looking around, you were amazed by the beautiful acres of farmland that surrounded the quaint ranch in front of you. Bushes of beautiful flowers lined the front of the house, colorful roses and hydrangeas creeping just below the big windows glistening in the sunshine. As you stepped on to the porch, you noticed two rocking chairs set side by side, slowly moving back and forth from the wind. You took one last deep breath as your free hand tightened to a fist, getting ready to tap on the front door. 

Knock, knock, knock. 

Nothing. 

Knock, knock, knock. This time a little louder, more force behind your rapping knuckles. 

Still silent. 

“Hello?” you raised your voice slightly. 

No response. 

You stood there for a moment, wondering what to do. You weren’t just going to stand there like an idiot until someone came to answer, and you weren’t going to wander the property with a cooler full of sandwiches looking for Javi and his dad. You figured your next best bet was to try the door, hoping that maybe someone was inside and just hadn’t heard you. Hesitantly twisting the doorknob, you quietly let yourself in, gently closing the door behind you. 

Peeking through the doorway, you were greeted by the warm interior of the Peña home. The walls were painted in a soft, creamy beige, covered by pictures and portraits of who you assumed to be friends and family. The first picture in the entryway was of a beautiful woman who looked like she was laughing and dancing. She had long, dark curls and a vibrant smile, her laugh lines stretched across her cheeks. It couldn’t have been anyone besides Javi’s mother, their faces were practically identical. As you stepped further into the house through the living room, you found a picture of a baby in nothing but giant cowboy boots, hat, and diaper. You giggled to yourself, knowing that it had to be a little baby Javi, drowning in whoever had put him in full cowboy attire. 

“He was a cute baby, wasn’t he?” 

The voice behind you had scared you so badly, you practically jumped through the roof. 

“Oh, mija, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Chucho chuckled as you caught your breath. 

“Mr. Peña, I’m so sorry, I tried to knock and no one answered and I didn’t want to wander around and go anywhere I shouldn’t and I-” You fumbled over your words, flustered and embarrassed that the first time Javi’s dad ever saw you was staring at a picture of your boyfriend in a diaper. 

“Mija, sweetheart, please, call me Chucho. Señor Peña es mí papa. (Mr. Peña is my father.). You don’t need to apologize, that’s why the pictures are there, to be enjoyed. That one has always been one of my favorites.” He pointed back to Javi’s baby picture, you both laughing to yourselves. 

“He was a very cute baby.” You set down your things, outstretching your hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Chucho, I’m-“ 

Before you could finish, Chucho had already wrapped you in his arms, embracing you in a tight hug. He held you there for a few seconds, smiles both stretching across your faces. “I know who you are, mija. I am so glad to finally meet you. I have heard so much about you.” He leaned back from your hug, still holding the sides of your arms as his eyes glistened. “It has been so long since I have seen my Javier so happy. He absolutely lov-” 

“Pops! Give her some space, okay?” Javi’s familiar voice carried down the hallway behind you, cutting off the rest of his father’s sentence you were now very curious to hear the rest of. It didn’t take you long to become distracted by your thought, as Javi’s broad body strolled down the hallway, his gray t-shirt shirt clinging to his biceps, his sweat making his dark curls stick to his forehead. Even when he was a sweaty mess, he still looked delicious. 

“Relájate, hijo. Quería saludarme a mí futura nuera.” (Relax son. I just wanted to say hello to my future daughter in law.) Chucho’s smirk couldn’t have been any bigger, and Javi’s cheeks couldn’t have been any redder. 

“Pops, please stop.” Javi grumbled, obviously embarrassed. 

“What’d you say? Sorry, I’ve been trying to work on my Spanish since moving here.” You tried to politely interject, very curious as to what was making Javi so flustered. 

“Nothing, mija. Javier can tell you another time.” Chucho grinned, winking at his son as he rolled his eyes before burying his head in his hand. 

“Alright.” You smiled at Javi, his face still flushed. “Well, I have lots of food if you’re hungry! I brought sandwiches, if that’s okay.” You held up your cooler, gesturing to its contents. 

“Okay? More than okay, sweetheart. Thank you. I’m sure it is better than any lunch this old man could have thrown together. Javi, grab the cooler and some drinks, let’s head outside.” 

“Mr. Peñ-“ You paused, correcting yourself as Chucho grinned at you. “Chucho. Really, I don’t mind carrying it, it’s not that heavy. And there’s some Coke and beer in there already if you want some!” 

“Ella trajo cerveza? Ella te quiere mucho, Javier. La amo, tambien.” (And she brought beer? She really does love you, Javier. I love her too.)

“Jesus Christ…” Javi whispered under his breath. “Dad, please.” His voice a mix of firm and desperate. 

“Fine, fine.” He replied, swatting his hand at his son. “Gracias, mija. That was very kind of you.” 

“Of course.” You smiled as the three of you began walking through the kitchen and out to the back deck where a small picnic table sat in the shade of the overhang of the roof. The view from the back deck was breathtaking- miles of green pasture stretched across land, separated by a few lines of fencing housing sheep and cows to the right, and some horses to the left. “It’s absolutely beautiful here. Javi never told me how amazing it is.” You gave him a playful nudge as you sat down next to him, putting the cooler on the table and staring out in front of you. 

“Yeah, I don’t know, different when you see it every day, I guess.” Javi shrugged nonchalantly.

“Are you kidding? After living in a city for so long, I don’t think I’d ever get over waking up to this every morning. Beats ugly gray buildings and taxis any day of the week.” You turned around to see Javi quickly dart his eyes away, trying to play off the fact he hadn’t just been gawking at you for the past few seconds. 

“Thank you. I do love it here. Javier tells me you're from Chicago. Laredo must have been a big change for you, mija.” 

“I guess. I lived in the suburbs growing up so I wasn’t in the city my whole life. I actually had been to Laredo before I moved here, which is part of the reason why I picked it. My best friend came here in high school for her dad’s job and I would visit every summer. I always loved how peaceful it was. Don’t get me wrong, I love Chicago, but I absolutely love it here too.” You softly smirked at Javi, as his hand reached down to grasp your leg, rubbing his thumb along your knee under the table. “Please, have something to eat! I made a lot because I didn’t know what sandwiches you like, so hopefully there’s something in there you want.” 

Javi stood up to open the cooler and take out its contents, laughing and shaking his head as he saw what was inside. “Jesus Hermosa, were you planning on feeding an army today?” He started removing sandwich after sandwich, along with the rest of the cookies and chips.

“Sorry, I just didn’t know what people liked and-” You muttered, embarrassed by your excessive overpacking. 

“She is just like your mamá, Javier. Nunca puede tener demasiada comida. You can never have too much food, she would always say. Thank you, mija. It all looks wonderful.” 

You let out a small smile, relieved by his comment. “It’s the least I can do. I heard your project isn’t exactly going as planned so I wanted to do something small to help out.” 

“It’s been a shit show. Better now that you’re here.” Javi smirked. “Can you pass me the turkey sandwich? And a cookie? Wait, did you make these?” Pointing over to the ziploc bag the cookies were stored in. 

“Yeah, I made them yesterday. Had a feeling they were better here than sitting uneaten at my apartment.” You passed both items of food off to him. 

No surprise to you, Javi went straight for the cookie, taking a giant bite, not bothering to finish chewing before he spoke. “These are so fucking good.” 

“Javier, language! And chew with your mouth closed. You may have been raised on a ranch, but you weren’t born in a barn.” Chuchco scolded as you giggled. 

“Sorry.” He grumbled sheepishly. “They’re delicious, Osita. So is the sandwich.” he spoke before taking another mouthful. 

“Thanks, I had a feeling you’d like ‘em. So what can I help with after lunch is done? 

“Osita, I already told you, you don’t need to help with anything.” 

You crossed your arms, giving him a stern look. “You’re trying to tell me there’s not a single thing that I can help with? Nothing? Nothing at all?” 

“Well, I mean…” Chucho perked up, mid-bite on a handful of chips. 

“Dad. Seriously?” 

“What? She’s offering!” 

“I am, thank you, Chucho. See, listen to your dad, Javi.” You shrugged and raised an eyebrow at him defiantly. 

“Yes, Javier, listen to your father.” Chucho joined you in crossing his arms at his son, you and Chucho both laughing as Javi sighed. “Although I will agree with Javier on this one, mija. I have no doubt you are strong and willing to help, but I can’t ask you to help build this fence. Even with 6 grown men, this fence would have been hard to build. Although…”

“Pops, c’mon.” 

“I wasn’t going to ask her to help with the fence, Javier.” He swatted his hand at his son in annoyance. Chucho turned back to look at you. “Mija, have you gardened before?” This got Javi’s attention. He sat up a little straighter and leaned in to what his dad had to say. 

“Yes, actually! My mom had a garden of all kinds of things at our house when I was a kid. My brothers never wanted to take care of it because it was too girly, but I loved it.” 

Chucho let a soft smile creep across his face. “Perfect. Mija, the flowers around the house could use a little love. Watering, weeding, trimming down. I know it does not seem like a big job but it has been on my to-do list and I just haven’t gotten to it yet. Too much longer and it will be a jungle and too much for my old knees to handle on my own. Would you mind helping with that?” 

“Of course, I would love to!” You grinned, semi-relieved you weren’t going to have to embarrass yourself in front of Javi trying to pick up a post just to prove a point. 

“Bueno! These sandwiches were delicious, mija. Thank you, again. Let me show you where the tools are and then we will all be back to work.” 

You and Javi followed Chucho hand in hand to the small tool shed on the outside of the barn. He grabbed a bucket, placing a few items inside before handing it off to Javi, even though you insisted you could carry it. Chucho showed you his preferred method of clipping and trimming around the flowers, along with his favorite weeding shovel and where the hose was to water when you were done. The whole time you and Chucho were talking, Javi watched in silence, his heart bursting at the sight of you two milling around the garden. As Chucho finished with his directions, you turned back around to see Javi, wiping away what you assumed was just sweat from under his eyes. 

“I think I got it all! Thanks, Chucho!”

“Of course, honey. We are out in the far left pasture, so if you need anything, you can call Javi’s phone from the future on our perfectly good phone in the house.” 

“You have it out for cell phones, too? Must be a dad thing, mine is the same way. I’ll call if I need anything.” Chucho nodded as he began making his way back to the pasture, Javi lingering behind for a few more moments. “I never did get to properly say hello to you.” You smirked, pulling your fingers beneath the belt loops on Javi’s jeans, bringing him closer to you as you both leaned in for a long, sweet kiss. 

“I think this hello works just fine.” Javi chuckled, his large hand cupping your face, calloused thumb rubbing back and forth against your cheek. “Thank you, Osita. This means so much to me. Meeting my dad, bringing food, offering to help. I just- Thank you.” 

“Of course. I’m so glad I got to finally meet your dad. He’s hilarious. I think he was just worried that I was gonna be too strong helping with the fence and he didn’t want to embarrass you like that.” 

“Pendejo.” 

“You love it.” 

“I do.” 

I do. It was soft and tender and sweet and somehow screamed in your ear at the same time. It made your heart race and your cheeks flushed as he pulled the hand already resting on your jaw closer to his, the kiss between you so gentle, yet powerful all at once. It felt like your lips were barely touching, yet somehow it still felt like they were crashing together, like a wave on the beach in a stormy sea. You pulled away from each other, slow and breathless, eyes locking and mouths still hanging half open. A kiss that left you both dumbfounded and speechless. 

“I uh, I should um, probably go help my dad.” 

“Yeah, I um, yeah, I should probably get to work on these flowers.” 

Both of your voices barely carried above a whisper. You slowly backed away from each other, stupid smiles spread across your cheeks as you bit down on your bottom lip to try and keep your grin from growing any wider. 

“If you need anything just-“ He gestured down to his pocket where was carrying his phone. 

“Just call your cell phone, I know.” 

As Javi’s body turned to walk towards his dad, his eyes stayed glued on you. So much so, that neither of you noticed the garden bucket he was about to trip over before it was too late. With one wrong step, Javi lost his footing and took several tumbling steps before planting his hands on the ground and pushing himself back up to stand. You were trying your hardest not to burst out into laughter, but you couldn’t help yourself. 

“Stupid fucking bucket…” Javi mumbled to himself. 

“Watch out for those buckets, they’ll getcha.” You yelled mockingly between your hysterical laughter. 

“I didn’t see it.” 

“Then watch where you’re going next time!” 

“It isn’t that funny.” 

“It is a little funny.” You still chuckled to yourself. 

Out of witty responses, Javi only shook his head at you before disappearing behind the house. Around the corner, he found his father, also laughing in hysterics, barely getting his words out over his snorts. 

“Got distracted by something while you were walking?” 

“Fuck. Did you see that too?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, hijo.” 

“Goddamnit.” Javi put one hand on his hip and the other palming his face. 

“Ah, to be young and blinded by love again.” Chucho shook his head as he began walking out towards the field. 

“Dad, please, for the love of-“ Javi pinched his fingers against the bridge of his nose as Chucho cut off the rest of his sentence. 

“I know, I know, I will leave it alone… for now.” He winked at Javi as the two men made their way back out into the field, Javi peeking around the house to take one last look at you before he left. 

If there was one thing that you had learned since moving to Texas, it was that it got hot. Fast. You truly didn’t mind the heat- it beat the terrible midwest winters you had dealt with every year since childhood. But you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel like you slowly melting away only after a few hours out in the blazing sun. Beads of sweat pooled on your forehead as you clipped all of your hair up and out of your face, hating the feeling of it wet and sticky against your neck. Your shirt was practically drenched from the sun hitting your back for so long. You were thankful that you were getting closer to being finished, only leaving watering the flowers as your last step. If this was your own garden, you would have been weeding and trimming at a lightning fast pace, but something about the way Chucho had so tenderly clipped each branch and gently tugged each weed made you slow down and take your time with every step. Given the way you had watched Javi curiously perk up as his dad had offered you the task made you feel like this wasn’t a job that he would have offered to just anyone. The last thing you wanted to do was mess it up. As you made your way around the edge of the house, leaving only the last few bushes, you noticed a large, flat stone at the base of one of the hydrangea plants. You squatted down next to it, using your hand to dust off the dirt covering the top, plucking some weeds growing around the edges. Under the dirt, your fingers began to trace over indents in the rock that felt like letters. With a few more swipes of your hand, you were able to make out the words under the soil. 

Lucia’s Garden 

You sat there for a few moments, rubbing your fingers gently over the indents in the stone, lost in thought as you imagined the vibrant image of Javi’s mother amongst the equally bright and beautiful flower garden. 

“Hey, Osita.” Even though the voice was soft and familiar, you had definitely not heard Javi creep up behind you, and when his strong and calloused hands rested on top of your shoulders, you just about jumped out of your skin. 

“Ah! Jesus, what is it with the Peña men and absolutely scaring the shit out of me today?” You jumped up, catching your breath as Javi rested his hands on the outside of your arms as you turned towards him. He laughed softly to himself as you regained your composure. “I wasn’t expecting to see you for a while. Not that I’m mad about it, but I find it very unlikely you and your dad are already done with the fence. Unless you both have some crazy superpowers, besides sneaking up on people, that I don’t know about.” 

He chuckled, as he placed his hand under your chin, tilting it up towards him as he gently wiped a smudge of dirt off of your cheek. “No, not done yet. But, I did just get a call that the guys who were supposed to come help. They’re back on the road and should be here soon, and they were able to bring a few extra people with them with building. So, I was able to convince Pops that they had enough help with the fence, that you could come help me do the rest of the chores around the ranch for the night, if you want.” 

“I thought you said you weren’t gonna let me help with anything.” You crossed your arms and smirked at him, raising an eyebrow. 

“I mean if you don’t wanna see the animals,” he said, putting a knowing emphasis on the word, “then that’s fine I guess-”

“Wait. That’s what this is?! We get to go see the animals?! Why didn’t you say that first, dummy, let’s go!” You shrieked, practically dragging Javi away. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so excited to feed cows.” 

“AND we get to feed them?! This is really turning out to be way better than anything I had planned.” 

“You’re ridiculous, Osita.” He laughed as he smiled at you, finding it both hilarious and absolutely adorable at how excited you were. Here you were, covered in dirt and sweat, practically begging him to walk through a smelly barn to feed even smellier animals, all because it meant you got to be with him. Him. He truly needed someone to pinch him, because he was convinced he had to be dreaming. Well, if he was, he guessed he could let that dream keep going just a little longer. 

“I don’t understand how you don’t think this is the coolest thing. What do we have to do first?” You looked up at him, eyes glistening with excitement. 

“We'll stop at the barn and get some hay and feed, then take the truck out to them.” 

“What are we waiting for then? Let’s go!” 

You both hopped into Javi’s truck and headed towards the barn. While it was only less than a minute away, Javi wasted no time gripping his hand over your bare thigh, stroking his thumb back and forth over your skin as he drove. 

“Do you wanna wait in here while I get stuff?” He asked gently as he put the truck in park pulling up to the barn, still rubbing his hand against your knee. 

“That is the stupidest question you have asked me all day. If I’m here to help, I want the full Peña Ranch experience.” You quickly unbuckled yourself as you opened the passenger door, sliding out. Javi shook his head and laughed to himself as he followed behind you. 

“You really want the full experience?” He stood facing you, arms crossed over his chest with a smug look on his face. 

“Yes! I told you, I’m here to help. Don’t take it easy on me, Peña.” You mirrored his stance, leaning into your hip and shrugging your shoulders. 

“Okay.” He chuckled as he opened the barn door and then stood back to lean against the back of the truck. “We need four bales of hay and 2 buckets of feed. All you, Osita.” He motioned to the barn wall, stacked high with bales of hay from end to end. 

“Easy.” You reached your hands above your head to stretch before you walked over to the hay, Javi standing and watching. “How heavy can they be? It’s just hay!” You leaned over the closest bale, reaching down to the two strings binding it together to pick it up. Oh shit. This was WAY heavier than you thought, but there was no turning back now. Taking a deep breath, you grimaced your face as you tried to lift the bale as high off the ground as you could, shuffling awkwardly towards the truck. You let out a much louder than intended grunt as you heaved the bale of hay up into the truck bed, letting out a few deep breaths and putting your hands on your hips after you finished, trying as hard as you could to play off the fact that the task was much more difficult than expected. “See?” Your words heavy between each pant. “Easy.’ 

“Do you want to go get the buckets of feed while I finish the hay? Or was it so easy that you wanna do the rest of them?” Javi smirked. 

“I mean, I guess if I’m getting the full experience, I should probably learn how to get the feed too. ” You replied, trying to hide the fact you were still trying to catch your breath. 

“Okay, Osita, whatever you say.” He winked, smirk still spread across his face. “There’s some barrels back there labeled with feed. You can put 3 scoops in the red bucket and 3 in the blue. Should be easy.” He leaned down to give you a quick kiss before making his way over to the hay bales. 

“Pendejo…” You muttered to yourself. 

“You love it.” He teased, easily lifting a bale and tossing it into the truck. 

Thankfully, the feed was nowhere near as heavy as the hay, and you were able to carry both buckets over to the truck where Javi was waiting for you. “You want me to put those in the truck for you, or are they easy too?” Javi mocked, clearly getting enjoyment out of your stubbornness.

“Oh shut up, I just wasn’t expecting the hay to be that heavy.” Your grumbles and defeat quickly turning into giggles and smiles as Javi lifted you up and sat you on the edge of the truck bed, his arms placed outside your hips as he leaned in to pepper you with ticklish kisses across your neck and face. “It would be so much harder to be mad at you if you weren’t the hottest cowboy I’ve ever seen. Didn’t know I had a thing for them until you showed up all hot and sweaty and handsome and I’ve been trying so hard to not get distracted, especially considering we’re hanging out with your dad, but you’re making it very difficult for me.”

“You don’t think it’s been any easier for me watching you just walk around in those jean shorts all day? Jesus, Osita, you’re fucking killing me.” He planted another hot, wet kiss on your neck as his hands shifted, running up and down your thighs. You could feel heat flushing over your cheeks as you felt arousal build in your belly. 

“Javi, we cannot do this here, we’re at your dad’s house. I want him to like me, I don’t need him to catch us screwing around here.” Your breaths slowly turned into moans, making your argument less and less convincing to Javi as he had his fingertips gripping into your hips, pulling you close to him as his kisses crept up your neck and along your jaw. 

“He already loves you, hermosa. Don’t worry, I have it figured out. You’ll see.” He pulled his lips off you, suddenly, winking before walking away towards the driver’s side door, leaving you sitting on the truck bed, worked up and desperate. 

“Wait, woah, what? What do you mean you have it figured out? You can’t just do that and walk away!” You scrambled off the truck bed, hopping into the truck with him. 

“C’mon, Osita. We have cows to feed, remember?” With the way this man kissed you, you were lucky if you could remember your name after he was done. 

Feeding cows and sexual tension were two things that you would have never thought would have gone hand in hand, but here you were, barely holding it together as you looked over at Javi. His aviators perched on his strong nose, gray shirt stretching across his broad shoulders, the width of his hands around your leg? You sure hope whatever mystery he had planned was coming soon because your self restraint was starting to run thin. That was, until you looked out the truck. 

“YOU DIDN’T TELL ME THERE WERE BABY COWS?” You practically jumped out of the passenger door as the truck pulled to a stop, speeding up to the fence where four calves were waiting for you. “Can I pet them? They’re so cute!” You hadn’t even bothered to help Javi haul the food out of the truck bed as you reached out to scratch the bridges of each little cow’s nose. 

“I figured you’d like these guys. Hola, chiquitos. Tienes hambre? (Hi, little ones. Are you hungry?). He cooed in a sweet, soft voice that made your heart melt. “Do you wanna feed them while I take care of the others?” 

“Is this gonna be another hay bale situation?” You joked sarcastically, scratching under one of the cow’s chins. 

“No, this one is actually fun. Hold on.” He went back over to the truck, pulling out 4 large bottles that he must have grabbed while you were getting the rest of the feed. “They’re not old enough for grain feed yet, so they’re still bottle fed.” He passed one of the containers off to you, before grabbing his own to demonstrate. “All you have to do is hold it with both hands and let them drink out of it until it’s empty. Each calf gets one. They’re cute, but don’t let ‘em fool you, they’re still strong, and very hungry.” 

“Got it.” You replied, taking the bottle in both hands, the calves beginning to moo as they caught a glimpse of their food. You held it up as the cow’s tongues shot out of their mouths before one of them latched on to the bottle. You giggled as the calf sucked out of the container, Javi smiling at your enjoyment as he grabbed a bale and made his way further down the fence to feed the rest of the herd.  

“Ringo is very strong.” You grunted, gripping on to your final bottle as Javi approached you again, finished with his feeding duties. “At least he’s nicer than George, he tried to bite John and Paul when it was their turn to eat!” 

“Hermosa, who are you talking about?” Javi laughed, amused at the sight of you trying to keep the calf from ripping the bottle out of your hands. 

“The cows! They needed better names than 6, 14, 27 and 31, which was all their tags said. And there’s four of them, so I figured they could be the Beatles! John, Paul, Ringo and George!” 

“Normally, we don’t name them, it’s too hard to keep track of, that’s why they have numbers. Also, all these calves are girls.” He still laughed to himself as he leaned down to pick up the empty bottles and put them back in the truck. 

“Oh… Well, it doesn’t matter, I think their names are still cute, who cares. More fun than the numbers.” You nudged Javi playfully as you pulled the empty bottle away before throwing in the truck bed with the others. “Bye, Beatles!” You waved at the cows before hopping back into the truck. 

“You’re such a dork.” 

“Well at least I’m your dork.” 

“Yeah, I’m glad you are. You ready to head back?” 

“Let’s go cowboy.” 

As you headed down the dirt path, you could see the sun slowly starting to dip beneath the clouds, painting the sky to a beautiful orange and pink. You leaned over the center console, resting your head on Javi’s shoulder, as you snaked your arm under his, gently squeezing his hand as your fingers interlocked. There was something so peaceful and perfect about the moment, how you could almost feel the threads of each of your lives slowly becoming more intertwined with each moment you spent together. You could spend a million more nights just like these just sitting by his side, driving anywhere to do anything. It didn’t matter, as long as you were with him. You were so caught up in the beautiful fantasy of the moment, that you hadn’t even heard him over your daydreaming.

“Hermosa?” 

“Sorry, what did you say?” You shook your head, coming to. 

“I uh, I know you’ve already spent a lot of time here today with me and my dad, so you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I was um, wondering if you wanted to stay for dinner? Maybe spend the night here?” He shifted slightly in his seat, his fingers tapping anxiously on the steering wheel as he looked at you with his sweet, puppy dog eyes. 

“Really?” Your face lit up instantly, thrilled by the fact Javi wanted to spend more time with him and his dad. 

“Yeah, like I said, um, don’t feel like you have to, but-” 

“Javi.” You paused, gazing back at him. “I would love to.” You gave his hand a reassuring squeeze as you leaned back over to rest your head against him again as you pulled back up to the house. As Javi put the truck in park and you pushed on the handle to open the door to hop out, you felt a tug against your wrist, drawing you back in. You turned back, Javi’s eyes looking you up and down, his tongue darting out between his lips before clenching his jaw. Without saying a word, you shifted back in your seat, Javi’s hands engulfing your face, as he pulled you in, meeting his lips with yours. As your mouths crashed into each other, you could feel your heart race, electricity flowing through your veins, feeling Javi pull you closer to him. There was something so desperate about it, like he was holding in something he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs that he just couldn’t say. 

I want you. I need you. I love you. 

You hoped those were the words sealed between his kisses. You hoped he felt the plea of your kiss, too. 

I want you, too. I need you, too. I love you, too. 

As you both slowly pulled away, your heavy breaths mingled in the few inches left between your parted lips, Javi’s traced soft and tender circles around the line of your jaw. 

“I really like you, Osita.” 

“I really like you too, Javi.” 

Those were the best words you could muster from the silent screams of your kiss. Those words would have to do, for now. 

“Do you wanna head inside? I’m sure your dad’s probably waiting for us.” You asked, regrettably. 

“I really don’t want to, but we probably should.” He huffed as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear, giving you one last kiss on the head before you made your way in the house. 

As you entered through the front door, you could already hear Chucho in the kitchen tinkering with pots and pans and singing along to the Spanish radio station in the background. “So, do we have a guest for dinner?” Chucho spoke in between lines of the song, hearing that you and Javi had come through the front door. 

“If that’s okay?” You replied, now making your way into the kitchen to see the array of food that Chucho had spread across the countertops. 

“More than okay, mija. I’d hope you’d stay.” He said with a soft smile as he wiped his hands the apron he was wearing, worn and faded letters across the front reading “Besar a Cocinero” (kiss the cook). 

Rubbing his hand against the small of your back (grazing dangerously close over ass) as he stood behind you, Javi looked down and smiled. “Osita, do you wanna take a shower before dinner? I can throw all your clothes in the wash too if you want?” 

“What? Are you saying I smell bad?” You took a step back, crossing your arms against your chest. 

“Well, no, I mean, uh-” Javi tripped over his words. 

“Javi, oh my gosh, I’m just kidding.” You said, playfully swatting at him. “I know I probably smell like a troll, so a shower would be great. I didn’t bring any extra clothes, though.” 

“A cute troll, at least.” Javi laughed, having to remind himself that the majority of the things that came out of your mouth were completely unserious. “You can borrow some of mine until yours are clean. Here, I’ll show you where the shower is.” He took you by the hand as he led you down the hallway, stopping at the first door on the right, leading into Javi’s bedroom. His room was neat and minimal, not much in it besides his bed, dresser, desk and a bookshelf with some scattered picture frames and a few unpacked boxes in one of the corners. You stood there for a moment, looking around at the space as Javi walked across the room to open the door where his bathroom was. “Shower’s in there, towel’s hanging up on the door, and I’ll set some clothes out for you on the bed when you’re done.” 

“Thanks.” You smiled as you bit down on your lip, taking a slight step towards him. “You um, probably want my clothes I’m wearing right now for the laundry, right?” 

You had been trying so hard to not completely fall apart at the sight of Javi all day. Especially with wanting to make a good impression on his dad, it took everything in you to keep yourself from crawling all over him from the minute you walked through the door. You knew there was nothing you could really do about it right now, but Javi’s not so subtle point to close and lock his bedroom door also hadn’t gone unnoticed. Slowly, you stretched your arms over your head to strip your T-shirt, dropping it on the floor as Javi’s jaw went slack, his eyes undressing you faster than you could undress yourself. You undid the button and zipper to your shorts, pushing them down your hips as they dropped around your ankles, leaving you in just your bra and underwear, and Javi just about speechless.  

“Fuck me.” He whispered to himself as he stepped into you, wrapping his arms around your waist, his big hands sliding up your back as he unclipped your bra, helping it slide off your shoulders before tossing it into the pile of the rest of your clothes. You let out a silent moan as he kissed down your chest, his tongue flicking against each of your pebbled nipples as his hands worked down your hips, his fingers hooking under the waistband of your panties, pulling them down your legs before they fell to the floor. You could feel his bulge straining against the denim of his jeans pressed against your leg as he ran his hands up and down your curves, planting hot and heavy kisses across your body. You wished so badly that he could toss you on his bed and fuck you right then and there, but you had to keep reminding yourself that his dad was only a few feet from Javi’s room before you got too carried away, a fact that Javi seemed to have forgotten given the way he was all over you. 

You outstretched your neck to nip at his ear letting out a long and shaky breath before you whispered. “I think you got all the clothes you need, I’m gonna get in the shower now.” You gave him a quick kiss on the cheek as you pulled away from his grasp, shooting him a quick wink as you giggled, closing the door to the bathroom. You left Javi standing in the middle of his room, breathless and riled up as he stood next to the pile of your clothes on the floor. He placed one hand on his hip, the other running through the dark locks of his hair before reaching down to grab your clothes as he mumbled to himself. 

“God, I’m so fucked.” 

You felt like a new person stepping out of the shower now that you had scrubbed yourself clean of the dirt, sweat and grime from the day. You wrapped yourself up in the fluffy navy blue towel that Javi had left for you, drying the damp ends of your hair before opening the door to step back into Javi’s bedroom. Sitting on top of the plaid comforter that covered his bed, you noticed a pile of clothes Javi had left for you with a post it note placed on top. You picked it up, laughing to yourself as you read it. 

Hope these clothes are okay. Sweatshirt and sweatpants are for later, gets cold outside at night. FYI, payback’s a bitch. 

See you soon, beautiful, 

-J 

Wondering what Javi had planned for outside, you set the gray sweatpants and maroon crewneck aside, picking up the white t-shirt with “Texas A&M Swimming” written across the front. You slipped it on over your head before shuffling on the black pair of cotton sleep shorts Javi had left for you, rolling them up a few times so they didn’t slide down your waist. You reached for the doorknob of the bedroom, opening it slightly as you heard Javi and his dad’s voices from the kitchen, listening in on their conversation. 

“I know Dad, believe me. I’ll tell her, just… I can’t yet. I don’t wanna fuck this up.” 

“Well don’t take too long. She is a special girl, Javier. You and I both know it. Don’t you think there was a reason I let her tend to your mamá’s garden? You know very well I don’t trust just anyone with Lucia’s flowers. I barely trust you. She would always tell me how much she couldn’t wait for you to bring home a woman you loved, a daughter to have to spend time with there. Dios la bendiga (God bless her), I wish she could have met her. Your mother would have loved her. You two are perfect for each other. Ella es tú media naranja. (She is your better half, your soulmate). I know you love her, Javier. I find it very hard to believe that she doesn’t love you too.” 

I want to tell her. I know you love her. She loves you too. 

The words rung in your ears as your heart felt like it was going to pound out of your chest. Your mouth hung open as heat crept up your cheeks, your mouth stretching with the widest, stupidest grin. Holy shit. Part of you wished you hadn’t heard it, only because now it was taking every ounce of you to not bust through the door, kiss his sweet face and tell him how much you loved him too. Thank God there was a part of your lovestruck brain that still had some sense of awareness left to it, as you heard the thumps of Javi’s footsteps towards the door, followed by a “I’m just gonna see if she needs anything before I get in the shower.” You scrambled back from the door, trying to do anything you could to make it look like you hadn’t just overheard the conversation in the kitchen. You pretended to fold your damp towel as Javi opened the door, leaning against the frame. 

“Hey, you’re done! Shower okay? Tried to find whatever I could I thought would fit you best.” 

“Yeah, great! Shower was great, clothes fit great, everything is great. Perfect.” The words spilled out of your mouth in the least casual way possible, sounding frantic and panicked as they fell from your lips. 

“Osita, you okay? Are the clothes not comfortable? I can get you different ones? Or if you’re worried about spending time with just you and my dad while I’m in the shower, I-” 

You cut him off, standing up on your tiptoes and balling up the shirt covering his chest in your fists as you reached up to press your lips into his, lingering for as long as you could before breaking away. “I’m sorry, everything is perfect. Seriously. You just surprised me when you came in. I’m excited to spend time with your dad and the clothes are just fine. Not sure what I’m gonna need these sweatpants and sweatshirt for but I’m excited to find out.” 

He let out a small huff of relief as he ran his fingers through the wet ends of your hair before kissing the top of your head. “Like I said, I’ve got it all taken care of, you’ll see. I just have to shower real quick, and Pops said food should be done real soon. Does that work?” 

“Absolutely. Have a good shower, ya stinky cowboy.” You winked as you gave his butt a quick squeeze before heading out into the kitchen. 

“Ah, Mija!” Chucho’s cheerful greeting making you smile as he milled around the kitchen, whistling along to the upbeat song on the radio. “I hope you’re hungry! It seems like I am getting in the habit of making way too much food. I am glad we have an extra mouth with us tonight to help us.” 

“I’m glad to be here! I’m starving. Is there anything else you need help with?” You asked, looking around at even more photos that hung in the kitchen, quickly realizing how fond Chucho was of displaying his loved ones in every inch of the house. You caught a glimpse of another photo of Javi hanging above the dining room table, this one of him in a cap and gown, holding his diploma as he stood next to his mother and father, proud looks beaming across their faces. Chucho noticed you staring, his heart warmed by the genuine interest you seemed to have of his life in photos spread across his home. 

“No, honey. Already finished, just cleaning up a few things, but that can wait for later. That’s when Javier graduated from college. We were so proud of him.” He gestured, pointing over to the picture you were staring at. 

“Yeah, I bet. You can tell from the picture how happy you are for him. It’s very sweet.” You smiled, seeing how much both of his parents loved and cared for Javi. 

“Do you want to see more?” You turned around to face Chucho, almost giddy with excitement. 

“More what? More pictures? Yes please!” You grinned. 

“Perfecto. Take a seat, Mija, I’ll be right back.” He pointed over to the kitchen chair as he made his way over to the living room, rustling around and returning with 4 large stacks of photo albums. “I’m glad you asked about these now, Javier would kill me if he saw me getting all of these out for you, but they are too good not to share. Here, start with this one.” He opened up the first book with a worn, brown leather cover, flipping to the first page. It was filled with pictures of Javi’s mom, still pregnant and setting up the nursery, followed by newborn Javi, face scrunched and covered in a dark brown head of hair. “Lucia was so excited when she found out she was pregnant. We had tried for so long, and by some miracle, along came sweet Javier. Oh, did she love him.” He spoke as you continued flipping through the pages, smiling with each turn, honored to hear about Javi’s life, long before your paths crossed. “Oh, this is a good one!” He stopped you, pointing to a photo of Javi, who couldn’t have been older than 3 or 4, sitting on top of a cow with a sweet, toothy grin. “He’s always loved animals. He would cry every night, mamácita, papácita, mas vacas, por favor! (Mommy, Daddy, more cows, please!) because he loved listening to those cows moo so much.” 

“That’s so adorable. It’s so nice that you have so many photos of him.” You smiled, opening up the next book on the table. 

“Good to have memories of all of the moments that live in your heart.” Chucho sighed as you flipped to a photo of Javi blowing out candles on a birthday cake, sitting on his mother’s lap, as she cheered for her son.  

“Jesus, Pops, are you serious?” Javi rolled his eyes as he strolled into the kitchen, setting down your extra sweatpants and shirt on the counter before running his towel through his damp curls, knowing exactly what his dad was up to. 

“Javi, you were such a cute kid! What happened?” You and Chucho snickered to yourself as Javi put a hand on his hip, running his tongue across his teeth, trying his best to not give away the fact he couldn’t have been happier to see how well the two of you were getting along. 

“Fine, fine. Looks like we’ve been busted, Mija. We’ll save the rest of these for another time.” He chuckled as he scooped up the photo books, bringing them back to the living room. 

“You’re no fun.” You nudged Javi, as he stood next to you, now freshly showered and wearing a dark blue shirt and a pair of gray sweatpants that were about to make you fall out of your chair. 

“You should be thanking me. I’m saving you from all the awful, awkward photos of me from after I was a cute kid.” 

“But those are the best ones! Besides, with how handsome you are, I have a very hard time believing you ever went through an awkward stage.” 

“And that’s why the rest of the photo books are getting put away.” He laughed as rested his hands on your shoulders as he stood behind your chair. “Dinner ready, Pops?” 

“Sí, on the counter, in the bag ready to go.” He pointed to the counter where a large brown paper sat. 

“Wait,” You paused, confused by the exchange. “Why is it in a bag? I thought we were eating dinner together here?” Your brows scrunched in surprise as you looked back and forth between Javi and his dad. 

“Don’t worry about me, mija. I’ve already taken up too much of your time. Besides, señor romance tiene otros planes.” (Mr. Romance has other plans). 

“Oh, so what are these plans, Mr. Romance?” You giggled, you and Chucho equally enjoying the embarrassing Hell you had both put him through today. 

“Jesus Christ. Alright, we’re going now, bye Pops.” He mumbled as he grabbed the extra clothes and food from the counter, you following close behind him as you made your way to the front door. 

 

“Alright, so where are we off too, Mr. Romance?” You giggled as Javi started up the truck after throwing the food and clothes in the backseat. “I hope whatever you’re doing is because you think I don’t want to spend time with your dad.” 

“Osita, that is the least of my worries. You two together are turning out to be a much bigger pain in my ass than I ever expected.” He joked as the two of you laughed, both relieved by how well you had been getting along with his dad. “No I just, I know I said it before, but I’m so glad you came today. You didn’t have to do any of this, no one… no one’s ever done anything like this for me before. Just, I don’t, I, um-” 

You slipped your fingers between his free hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Of course, Javi.” Had no one ever really done something this nice for him? In your mind, today couldn’t have been an easier decision. You were so glad that he was letting you into his life- to meet his dad, to see where he grew up, to learn more about his past and what shaped him into the man that had your heart. It killed you to think that something like this was something he’d never had. “So, is this what you kept telling me you had planned today? Where are we going? Are we eating there? Is it outside?” 

“Jesus, you really do hate surprises, don’t you? Remind me to never throw you a surprise birthday party. Don’t worry, you’ll see. You trust me?” 

“Yes, of course.” 

“Good. Close your eyes.” 

“Close my eyes, what are you-”

“Osita, please.” 

“Fine, fine.”

You leaned your head back over onto his shoulder, closing your eyes as you drove in a comfortable silence, bright golden sunset spilling into the windows of the truck as traveled along the worn dirt path. Between a gap in the fencing along the side of the gravel road, Javi turned, driving the truck through part of the open field before swinging it around, turning the front of the car facing the direction you came. 

“Can I open my eyes yet?” 

“What happened to you being so patient? Keep them closed, give me one minute.” 

“Not even a little peek?” 

“Osita…” 

“Okay, okay, no peeking, I swear!” You kept your eyes shut as you heard the door close on Javi’s side of the truck, the backdoor also opening and closing after he shuffled around, grabbing what you assumed were the things from the backseat. You heard the bed of the truck slam down before Javi was back rustling around in the front of the truck, reaching over your lap into the CD’s. You could hear him quickly pick one out before sliding it into the CD player, the “Rumors” album by Fleetwood Mac now playing over the speakers. 

“Good pick.” You smiled, eyes still shut tight. “You almost done yet, Mr. Romance? Or is this how I finally go? You’ve hid the axe murderer act long enough and now you’re gonna bury me out in the field, never to be seen again? I guess it is clever on your part.” You laughed to yourself, knowing what the look on Javi’s face must have been as he rolled his eyes at you, even if yours were still scrunched shut. You heard him shuffle out, opening your side of the car. 

“Give me your hand, you dork.” You felt his palm under yours as your fingers wrapped around his wrist as his other hand held your hip, helping you scoot out of the truck. He guided you to take a few steps before releasing your hand. “Okay, now you can open.” 

You wanted to give him some witty remark, a sarcastic jab, anything to give him a hard time about how he had made you wait for whatever this mystery surprise was, but as you opened your eyes, you were left speechless. Looking out in front of you, you saw nothing but miles of green grass, hills rolling up and down along the horizon as far as the eye could see as the sunset bursted with a ferocious orange and pink glow, peeking just above the clouds, slowly getting ready to sink into the land below. “Javi…” You paused for a moment as you took in the view. “This is beautiful.” 

“Yeah, it is.” With Javi standing behind you, you assumed that he too, was taking in the spectacular view. And to him, he was. It just wasn't the sunset that he was referring to. 

You turned around, remembering the rustling you had heard in the backseat, wondering what Javi had been doing in the truck bed. The back of the truck was filled with blankets and pillows with Chucho’s bag of food sitting on the edge. Still speechless, you stared back at Javi awestruck by the moment. “C’mere.” He said, patting  the truck bed, lifting you up and following close behind you. You both snuggled in under the blankets, Javi wrapping his arm around you as you laid into his chest, watching the sun slowly fade away behind the clouds. “Good surprise?” He leaned into you, his fingers tracing gentle circles along your arm. 

“Great surprise.” 

Reaching his hand across your body, he cupped the side of your face, turning it toward his as his lips gently pressed against yours. He pulled back for a moment, foreheads pressed against each other, mouths barely separated, like he was looking for the right words to say but he just couldn’t find them. “Kiss me.” You whispered. “Kiss me, Javi.” 

You could feel your weight shift as Javi rolled you over, his body now hovering over yours as your mouths crashed together in a way that was deep and intense without being frantic or rushed. His tongue dipped in your mouth, your lips parted between soft, breathy moans, pressing his body deeper into yours with each kiss. “Javi…” You whined, ache building between your legs as you felt his length pressed against you from his sweatpants, already hard and heavy against your thigh. He slowly began to make his way down your body, hot, wet kisses covering your belly as he pushed your shirt further up your body. He tugged at the waistband of your shorts, carefully helping you shimmy them down as his hand dipped between your legs, his fingers barely grazing against your entrance. “Javi, pleaseeee.” You moaned again, begging to have him do something to ease the throbbing burning in your core. 

The sweet whispers of his name on your lips made his cock twitch. Early today, after you had wrecked him in his bedroom, teasing him as you stripped your clothes in front of him before getting in the shower, he was going to take his sweet time, making you beg for his touch. But as he took you in, every beautiful inch of you, his willpower crumbled in an instant. He wanted nothing more than to fuck you slow and deep, for you to feel all of him, to watch you come undone as you whispered his name, pulling him closer and closer into you with each stroke. He wanted to fuck you so that you could feel those 3 words he just couldn’t say to you yet. 

“I know, baby.” His fingertips pressing just a little further, feeling how absolutely soaked you already were. “Wanna take my time with you, okay? Wanna make you feel good.” His voice sent shivers down your spine as you nodded, his fingers now slowly sinking deeper into you, making your back arch from his touch. He kissed along the inside of your thighs as his calloused thumb began to gently rub around your clit, his fingers already drenched as they began to steadily rock in and out of you. His kisses made their way from your thighs to your clit as he carefully flicked his tongue, applying just enough pressure to make you squirm underneath him. “Always so wet for me, pretty girl.” The hot breath of his words danced along your heat as his dark brown eyes locked with yours. He dipped his head back down, licking a long, broad strip against your bundle of nerves as you rocked your hips back and forth over his fingers. His tongue swirled around your clit, knowing exactly how to make you fall apart as you moaned with each touch. 

“It feels so good, Javi. Fuck, babyyyy.” You whined, feeling your cunt clenching tighter and tighter around his thick fingers as his mouth worked its magic between your legs. With each thrust of his hand and lap of his tongue, you could feel yourself getting closer and closer, the pressure in your stomach starting to build, your breaths heavy and shaky. 

“I know you’re close, Osita. Let go, baby. Come for me. I got you.” He knew his words were just what you needed to send you over the edge. With a few more thrusts of his hands, he could feel your pussy flutter around his fingers. 

“Javi, Javi, Javi, Jaaahhhhh-” You whimpered as you felt the heat grow at the base of your spine, pleasure shooting through your body as you came around his fingers, your jaw slack as you felt your legs shake. 

“Such a good girl for me, Hermosa. My good fucking girl. Tastes so sweet, baby.” He praised, slowly pulling his hand out of your heat, dipping his fingers into his mouth, sucking your juices off of them. He sat up on his knees, still between your legs, the outline of his already hard dick pressed against his sweatpants as he pushed them down his hips before pulling his shirt over his head, tossing it to the side. He leaned back down over you, grabbing one of the blankets by his feet to cover your bodies. 

“Are you afraid a cow’s gonna see your bare ass?”  You giggled, still coming down from your high as you gestured to the blanket now covering both of you. His arms outstretched outside of your shoulders as you laid on your back, he joined in your laughter, dropping his forehead down and burying his face in the crook of your neck. 

“You’re ridiculous, Osita. Fuck, I love it. I love everything about you. Fuck. You’re fucking perfect.” He stared at you for a moment, his sweet brown eyes taking in all of you, like he couldn’t believe you were real. That you were his.

 He swallowed, his mouth parted like there was more he was desperate to say but couldn’t quite get out. You pushed your head up off of the pillow underneath you, gently pressing his lips against yours, his hand shifting you cradle the back of your head, his fingers tugging at the ends of your hair as he set you back down. He shifted back slightly, using his hand to stroke himself a few times before flushing his hips against yours, his cock lined up with your entrance. Neither of you said anything, feeling at a loss for words in the moment, both of you silently seeming to agree that something about now felt different than all the other times before. You barely nodded your head as Javi slowly sank into you, taking his time, letting you adjust to him inch by inch before bottoming out, stopping for a moment as you let out a soft moan that Javi quickly swallowed with a kiss. He began to rock his hips back and forth, taking his time, gradually filling you deeper and harder with each thrust, his whispers hot against your neck. 

“Fuck baby, I’ll never get enough of you. My fuckin’ perfect girl.” 

“Javiiiii” You whined, your arms wrapping around back, nails pressing into his shoulders as his cock hit the spot inside you that lit you ablaze. His hand snaked between your bodies, reaching down to rub your clit, still slow, taking his time with each graze of his fingertips as his pace held deep and steady. Every thrust in and out of his hips had you wrecked as he filled you so deeply and intensely, moaning his name as you wrapped your legs around the small of his back, doing anything you could to bring him closer to you. 

“I know, Hermosa, I know. Does it feel good, baby? Knowing you’re mine? That you’re the only one I ever wanna make feel like this?” 

His words had you whimpering as he nipped at your neck, his hand gripping on your hip, thrusts becoming faster from your sounds. “Oh my god, yes, Javi. Fuck, it’s all yours. I’m all yours.” You wanted nothing more, for him to be the only one whose sweet words made you fall apart, the only one who ever came close to making you feel this way. You could feel the coil in your belly beginning to snap as the pad of his thumb rubbed rapidly against your clit, his cock driving into you as your vision went white. 

“I know you’re close, Osita. I can feel it. Wanna see you when you come. Wanna see your beautiful face, pretty girl.” The brown pools of his eyes filled with want and need as they locked with yours. You could feel your foreheads touching, his damp curls brushing against you with each push of his hips, your bodies melting into each other as you felt the coil inside your belly snap.  

“Fuck, Javi, fuck, baby, I’m gonna, gonna-.” Your orgasm flooded through your body, pleasure shooting through every inch of you as you wrapped yourself around Javi. It was so intense, the way the feeling crashed through you, how everything about him had you completely wrecked, how tightly you could feel yourself clenching around his length as you came. 

Watching you come completely undone under him, Javi found himself quickly falling apart at the sight of you. Each stroke was faster and sloppier than the last, like he was desperate to show you how badly he wanted you, needed you. He could feel the sweet tingle of his release building, his brain going blank as the words fell from his mouth. “That’s it baby. Fuck, Osita. Gonna cum so deep inside you, fuck you full of me. Fuck, I can’t believe you’re mine. Soy tuyo, Osita. Mi corazón es tuyo. Es todo para ti. Eres mi todo, Osita. Te am-ahhhhhh.” (I’m yours, Osita. My heart is yours. It’s all for you. You’re my everything. I love yo-). He could feel each throb of his cock pulsing as he spilled into you, riding out his high with short, shallow thrusts, making sure every last drop of him was inside your walls. He melted into you, his body collapsing onto yours as your heavy breathes synced, chests rising and falling together. 

You paused for a moment before you spoke. You replayed his words in your head over and over again, not sure what you were trying to convince yourself of. You weren’t sure of everything he had said, trying to piece together the Spanish you knew as you came down from your high, but if there was one sentence you knew for sure, it was the last one, even if it had gone unfinished. 

Te amo. I love you. 

“Javi…” You paused, your heart practically beating out of your chest. “What was the last part you said?” 

Javi froze. You could feel his Adam’s apple bob against your chest as he swallowed, his head still buried in your neck. You waited for what felt like an eternity before he pressed himself off you, rolling over, laying beside you. “I uh, I don’t, um, I don’t remember all of it.” He tripped over his words, eyes scrunched tight, like he couldn’t bear to look at you out of fear of what he had said. 

“Javi. Javier Jesús Peña. Please. Please tell me what you said.” You placed your hand on his chest, forcing him to open his eyes and look at you, your face pleading, practically begging to hear the words that had fallen from his lips once more. 

“I’m yours, Osita. My heart is yours. It’s all for you. You’re my everything. I… Fuck.” You could see the tears welling behind his eyes after he ran his hand over his face. You moved your hand from his chest to under his jaw, cradling his cheek. 

“Javi… Say it. Please.” Your words met his ears barely above a whisper. He paused, taking one more trembling breath, staring off into space for a moment, like he was praying with everything he had left in him that you really did want to hear it. 

“Osita… Fuck. I… I love you.” 

“Javi,” Your voice shook as you felt the tears trickle down your cheeks, rounding and red from the grin growing across your face. “I love you too.” 

It was only for a moment that you saw his face mirror yours before you could feel his hands grasping around your face, pulling you in for a kiss that made you feel like fireworks were exploding inside you. He squeezed his arms around you, a mix of laugher and tears leaving your body as he pulled you on top of him, wrapping you in his embrace. 

“Really?” He questioned, his words still shaky as he smiled at you, running his trembling hands through your hair. 

“Of course, Pendejo. Of course I do.” You both laid there for a moment, breathing in sighs of relief and joy, soaking in every moment of that four letter word. You loved him. He loved you. Javier Peña loved you. 

You rolled over, both of your bodies curled in the blanket on top of you, staring into the sky, now fading into a deep darkness, speckled with spots of shining stars above you. In that moment, nothing else mattered. Nothing else besides the two of you. Up until now, there were few things in life that you had been sure of. On a Wednesday in late May, you knew one of those sure things was that you had fallen head over heels in love with Javier Peña. And now, you knew one of those sure things was that Javier Peña loved you too.

..............

Taglist: @cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @persephone-girl

[thedrarrylibrarian]

Dear Librarian, first thank you so much for your beautiful blog <3 I wanted to ask for a rec of fics hurt/comfort I love this trope and always brings to me warn feelings

Hello! Your holds have arrived!

First, let me thank you in return for your wonderful ask! I love hearing that you've enjoyed my blog! I had not realized how much I LOVE this trope before putting together this list. I could do several lists on this theme, but here I've picked just a few.

Hurt/Comfort

Sinking/Floating by @andithiel (966 words, rated T)

After the war, Harry once again dwells so much on dreams of the past and those he lost, that he forgets to live. Draco helps to remind him.

To Be Okay by @phoebe-delia (275 words, rated T)

When he was nine. “You’re okay, you’re safe, shhh sh sh,” Mother murmured as she held Draco close, wiping away his tears while the nightmare faded into wisps of a memory.

April by @toomuchplor (1,167 words, rated G)

Harry would never have expected it, before they started up together: that the angles and points of Malfoy could soften and coalesce into this gentle patient landing place.

Lay Your Hands by @shealwaysreads (3,022 words, rated E)

Sometimes saving a person is practical. Sometimes it’s something else altogether.

Just A Phone Call Away by @cavendishbutterfly (3,934 words, rated M)

Today’s the day: Harry’s getting over his ridiculous crush on Draco Malfoy. Even if Draco’s just invited himself over to wash Harry’s hair. In a very platonic way, obviously. Not intimate at all. They can just be friends, right?

As it was written by @cavendishbutterfly (4,772 words, rated E)

Harry keeps having nightmares after the war. Someone keeps saving him.

acts of service by @oknowkiss (5,638 words, rated E)

Harry's sick, and Draco just wants to take care of him, but they're two idiots in love, so it couldn't possibly be that easy.

ever-giving heart by @softlystarstruck (6,143 words, rated E)

Harry Potter doesn't ask for help, until he does– desperately, standing on Draco's doorstep.

Draco doesn't intend to get invested. Really.

Five Little Things by @bixgirl1 (6,197 words, rated T)

Harry was supposed to be good at this.

Still by alexmeg (7,388 words, not rated)

Dating Draco Malfoy, Harry thinks, will mean being at arms length outside of sex. No unnecessary physical contact or displays of affection. He wants him anyway, inexplicably. Perhaps that is exactly the kind of person he should be with, someone who will never need Harry to kiss him first, because Harry doesn't think he'll ever be that person.

The Exhale by spqr (7,506 words, rated T)

Hermione makes a soft, concerned sound. "Harry, look at this." She shows him an article with a photo, but the photo's not moving; it must be a Muggle newspaper. "NASA have just landed a rover on Mars. It's called Curiosity, and look, this is so--I don't know if it's sweet or sad, but--it's all alone out there, and they programmed it to sing itself Happy Birthday."

Nothing is wrong, but Harry starts crying.

but first, we fight by @nv-md (8,157 words, rated E)

Fighting with Draco Malfoy has never been quite this thrilling...or this frustrating. Harry's always horny, Draco's in denial, and there simply isn't enough time in the day to fight crime and watch your ex-archnemesis wash his arse.

Statues Crumble by @xanthippe74 and @fictional (13,683 words, rated T)

Between one war and the next, Draco has lost his parents, his home, and his menial Ministry job. All he has left is the secret (and anonymous) work he does to help Harry Potter overthrow another government—oh, and that statue he stole from the Ministry Atrium.

Counter-Curse by Justlikewriting (21,217 words, rated T)

When Harry took his first holiday in years, he decided to spend it house sitting Ron and Hermione’s flat in a Muggle part of London. It should have been easy enough - minding their plants, their Kneazle and their cat - and it would have been, if Harry hadn't seen someone blacking out in the flat opposite on his first day.

Of course, it was just his luck that the man in the other flat turned out to be none other than Draco Malfoy, Assistant Hotel Manager. Of a very Muggle hotel. Which also happened to serve the best cake. Ever.

And then there was this group called Counter-Curse, which was desperately trying to get Harry's attention as well.

Now I Know In Part by @dodgerkedavra (39,840 words, rated E)

Harry Potter is the savior of the Wizarding World. Draco Malfoy is a reformed Death Eater turned Ministry Curse-Breaker. Five years after the War, they're brought together by another mysterious curse.

Only this time, Harry's the one who needs saving.

It actually hurts by @parkkate (51,973 words, rated E)

For years, Draco has tried to avoid Harry Potter. He just knows he’ll make a fool out of himself if they spent more than five minutes in a room together. Unfortunately, Potter suddenly seems intent on becoming Draco’s friend, but neither of them are prepared for the inevitable consequences...

Your Soul Sat on My Lips by @m0srael (61,581 words, rated E)

Sometimes, two broken men can love one another whole again, and sometimes they can’t. That doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to try.

[p1a9u3]

PeepHole Ch.1: Moving Day

Masterpost Ch.1 - Ch.2 Pairing: Dylan Matthews x Fem Oc

Rating: 18+ (mdni)

Genre: Neighbors/Strangers to Lovers, Smut, Angst, Fluff, Slow-burn

Summary: Moving isn't as exciting as Amoya thought, plus she may have pissed off her new neighbor.

Words: 3.2k

Warnings: (This story takes place in 2024) Mental illness (anxiety, ocd), Violent intrusive thoughts, Language, Age gap (5years), Using phone while driving

Status: Unedited

Author note: This is the first fic that I've ever posted, I've written before but I've never finished anything and published it so don't tear me to shreds, please. I chose to make an oc instead of just writing as a reader mainly because I made a whole character in my head before I wrote this so I decided to just make her an oc, if you would like a post going more into this oc of mine feel free to ask (I might post it anyway because I like her), there is no smut in this chapter btw. Please give me feedback and suggestions, constructive criticism, etc. Don't be a bitch about it though...please. I'm thinking of making this a series POSSIBLY, but I procrastinate a lot so that may never happen. To my fellow troublemakers hopefully, I do Dylan justice and my writing is at least a little bit accurate to his personality. Still, to be fair I'm a fairly new troublemaker having only found out about this man a few weeks ago, so if something isn't accurate please correct me...politely. He's become my new hyper fixation so when I saw there aren't really any fics about him I decided I should make my own so here we are. Anyway with that being said Enjoy <3. Update: Dylan is barely in this chapter

Monday, February 26, 2024 Time: 8:30AM Moving out was less relieving than you thought it would be. Having been by your mother's side for almost all your life, you'd gotten comfortable always having someone around.

'You can't live with your parents forever'

People would remind you whenever the topic of anyone's living situation would be brought up. Being twenty-seven and still living with your mother wasn't something you wanted to keep telling people, no one would take you seriously. Though your mother never pushed for you to move out, never mentioned it actually. You think you know why. You never say anything though, so you deal with the slight embarrassment, and ignore the judgmental stares you get whenever someone brings it up.

'They don't know our relationship'

More excuses you make up to justify your obstinance; and to mask the anxiety you're feeling as finish up packing your U-Haul. You had finished packing your stuff from your shared apartment and were now finishing the few boxes you had in storage. Now in the elevator mustering up the strength to carry the last two boxes back down to the truck. Grabbing the lock you had left on the floor, you place it on top of one of the boxes and stack the box onto the second one, bending down and lifting with a soft grunt. Long strides carrying you to the elevator, you push the down button with your foot. The doors open soon after, you step inside setting the boxes down as you push the bottom floor and wait. Pushing off the wall as the doors open you pick up the boxes once again, you quickly load them up into the U-Haul before grabbing the padlock from on top of the box, and then heading to the front desk of the storage building.

"Here, the unit is clean and empty." You smile at the woman as she takes the lock and keys with a thank you.

Turning on your heels you walk back to your U-Haul giving everything a once-over before locking it all up, now turning your attention to the hitch attached to the back of the Truck where your precious car is hitched too. It was a black and cherry red 1993 Nissan 240SX with a red interior, you had seen it while driving with your mom past a repair shop when you were 25, back then it had no windshield or wheels. You won't lie and say you fixed it yourself but you did invest all the money you had at that time to fix it up and color it how you wanted; you still would say it was worth it. Checking the hitch and chains attached to the bottom of the car making sure everything was set and ready.

"Everything looks good?" Your mother said making you jump

"Yah! A warning ma, please! And yes everything looks good, I packed up the last two boxes and returned the keys and lock to the front desk while you were in the bathroom." You let out a breath calming your heart from the scare you just had, your mom snickering next to you. You turn to her rolling your eyes playfully as you walk to the front of the truck, your mom following behind you.

"Good, let's get on the road." Your mom hops into the passenger seat and rolls down the window. "I wanna get home by Wednesday."

You climb into the driver's seat, buckling your seatbelt then checking your mirrors. You two had agreed on driving to your new apartment, taking turns every 5 hours, once you got there she'd help you unload and unpack on Tuesday, and your mom would then fly back to New Orleans on Wednesday. The more you think about it the more you feel yourself panic a bit.

"Okay."

Time: 9:00AM Starting the car, you let out a breath putting the car in drive and pulling out of the parking lot of the storage building. You could tell your mom was trying to keep herself calm by the way she would rub her right thigh with her right hand, it was a nervous tick she passed down to you. Unfortunately, you were just as nervous, so you decided to turn on the playlist you and your mom made while eating the night before, mixes of all kinds of genres put into one playlist to keep you both entertained during the drive. Pulling off the main road and merging onto the freeway, you glance over to your mom to see her smiling wide looking back at you. She has that look in her eyes, you know it well.

"Its happening ma." You smile back at your mom then look back to the road

Your mother places her hand on your thigh, letting out a long sigh and a soft squeeze before returning it back to her own lap. You see her wipe a single tear from your peripheral; you don't acknowledge it. She'll start bawling the second you tell her not to cry. So you pretend not to see it and start singing along to Erykah Badu, your mom turns the music up a bit and starts singing along too. You smile to yourself as you glance out your side window, watching as familiar buildings pass by in a blur, You think you'll miss this place. No, you know you will, but a part of you is kinda excited, relieved almost. You've silently always longed to live on your own, but another part of you calls you selfish for even wanting that until now

'How could want to leave your mother'

You know it's normal to want to move out of your parent's home, every grown adult has to move out at some point, and twenty-seven is a perfectly normal age to do so, You wanted to move when you were twenty-four. Hell, some people live with their parents till they are far in their thirties.

'But you know your mother may need you right'

All your brothers have moved out, they are doing good on their own, and you're the only one left. It was only a matter of time; you tell yourself. Your mom will be fine, she's dating a new man who treats her great and takes care of her. Hell he tried to hire a moving crew to move all your stuff, but you wanted to do it yourself and your mom wasn't going to let you drive almost halfway across the country by yourself.

'you could've found a place closer to her you know'

Phoenix, Arizona. You chose Phenix simply because it was affordable for you and close to LA, your mom agreed it was a good choice. There is work in LA, California is just so expensive, so you chose the next best thing. The apartment is nice from what you saw as well, one bedroom, two baths with a study. It was perfect for you.

Time: 11:23AM The drive was going well so far, your mother eating a bag of chips she packed along with all the other snacks and drinks. You were eating a Honeybun, one of your favorite snacks, and drinking water. Your mom had turned off the music and started watching YouTube with mostly commentary so you could listen and drive, Right now a video was playing talking about some ice cream drama in North Dakota. Author note: if you watched this video featuring Dylan is in Trouble, I know it's technically in the future but I don't care, this is all fake anyway. You found it interesting and kinda funny, laughing every now and then when your mom would pause to add her opinion. About two-thirds of the way into the video you glance down at the screen, there are two guys now instead of one, and one of them is wearing glasses, you glance back down looking at the title of the video 'Insane Local Ice Cream Shop Drama (w/ Dylan Is In Trouble)' You made a mental note of the second guy's name for later, his voice was nice you told yourself, he was also fine as fuck. You leaned your seat back as far as it would go, which wasn't very far, getting comfortable. You still have two more hours left to drive.

Time: 12:35PM Your mom had fallen asleep about ten minutes ago, YouTube was still playing, The next video had been the same guy as before. You looked down for a second, looking at the title of the video that had been playing for about fifteen minutes. 'Guessing Finales After ONE Episode (ft. Dylan Is In Trouble)' You smile to yourself a bit recognizing the name at the end of the title, you let the video play just listening to the guy talk for ten more minutes. You caught yourself smiling again when you recognized the second guy's voice as he joined in for the rest of the video, you took a sip of your water glancing down at the video, seeing him pop on screen whenever he had something to say

"he's funny." You mutter to yourself quietly, thinking out loud.

The video had ended and your lips fell back into their original position, as an ad played before the next queued-up video, you looked down at your GPS. 1322 miles to go; you let out a sigh.

'200 miles closer to leaving you mom'

She was helping you unpack, so you technically wouldn't be leaving her really. If anything she was leaving you since she had to fly back home. You prop your left elbow on the open window, your left hand holding the steering wheel, and your right hand comes down to your thigh, rubbing small circles back and forth.

'What happens if Devon goes back home'

Your oldest brother Devon was working at a mental facility. He was on his medication and was doing good, he managed to get a job there and has been making decent money. He was doing fine, He is doing fine.

'What if he stops taking his medication again.'

They will keep tabs on him, they know his habits, his symptoms, He is fine.

'Has another episode and gets out'

That wouldn't happen. He's fine

'He'll be there when mom gets back'

No.

"Hes gonna ki-'

-beep! beep! beep!-

Time: 2:00PM Your mom's alarm goes off, making you jump a bit. Reaching over to turn it off, your mom moans a bit as she wakes up from her short nap, stretching her arms a bit as she yawns.

"Jeste li spremni za promjenu." she yawns out, going for a sip of her water ( translation: Are you ready to switch)

Your mother's Croatian tends to slip when she's just woken up, or delirious. You nod your head looking at the next exit sign to find a gas station, spotting a Love's off the side of the freeway. Slipping off the freeway you pull up to the gas station before parking next to a pump.

"Bathroom?" You look over at your mom, she nods, unbuckling her seatbelt and hopping out of the truck, you do the same.

You both enter opposing stalls to relieve yourselves of all the water you had been drinking, washing your hands after. Your mother heads back to the truck to pump the gas as you browse the aisles for any extra snacks, spotting a honeybun you instinctively grab one, then two, and head to the cashier. You place your honeybuns on the counter and then look up at the cashier who seems to be invested in something on her phone, she wasn't wearing headphones phone volume at maybe thirty percent, you could hear what she was watching. You recognize the voice, the cashier finally looks up from her phone quickly apologizing for not paying attention.

"Oh I'm so sorry, will this be all" She quickly rings up the two honeybuns.

"No you're fine, that'll be it actually." You dismissively wave your hand pulling out your wallet to pay.

Looking down you notice her phone, she had put it on the counter, and the video on it had been paused but on the screen was that guy again, though it seemed to be a video of his own this time. You pull out some cash and hand it to the young woman behind the counter, she takes the cash, counts it, and then goes to get your change.

"No, it's fine, keep the change" Flashing a smile then grabbing your honeybuns you take another glance at the women's screen before it turns off from being left alone for too long.

Opening the passenger seat door, you climb into the seat buckling yourself in. Pulling out of the gas station your mom pulls off back onto the freeway continuing your journey. You pull out the bag you had brought for little activities, pulling out your book of choice. You had splurged at a Barnes and Noble a few weeks before you began packing, picking up a bunch of books you had either heard good things about or had been wanting to read. Red Rising was one of the books, it was also the one you were currently holding.

"I'm gonna put my headphones on, so you can listen to whatever you want." You tell your mom as you put your headphones on and pull out your phone.

You had gotten the book on Audible a while back and wanted to read and listen at the same time. Pressing play you turn to the first chapter and begin reading as the narrator spoke. Your mom seemed to have put music on, you could feel the bass as she turned up the volume and began singing along.

Time: 10:56PM Hours had passed, it was your turn now with two hours left till your next switch. Your mother was knocked out, lightly snoring as you drove in silence, you had stopped reading once you had switched. You also decide to put off reading it until you were moved in, the book had grabbed your attention, so much so, that you wanted to be able to focus on it solely; so you chose to wait. You had a couple hundred miles left to go and things were sinking in more as you drove silently. Your mind doing its usual thing, making you worry about things that most likely won't happen, even if it did, you know it wouldn't be your fault. You couldn't help but think maybe it would be though, it was a dumb thought but you couldn't help it

'What was that guys name again'

Your brain blanked for a second, random but ok, your brain goes back to the YouTube video your mom had been watching, that cashier was watching him as well. Dylan is in Trouble, you wonder what kind of videos he makes, most likely commentary. You pull your phone out glancing down and go to YouTube, you use the voice to text and hold your phone up to your mouth.

"Dylan is in trouble"

You press search, going back and forth between looking at your phone and watching the road. You look down to find his channel, press his icon, and scroll through some of his videos. Movie commentary is what you mostly see, occasionally you'd spot something different, you decided you'd dive into his channel later when you weren't driving.

Time: 5:00AM You were in the driver's seat, you had let your mom sleep more after she had been driving for about three hours. She was up now though, you could tell things were starting to catch up to her again. She was fidgeting a lot more now, well so were you, she looked very tense. She helped you find this apartment, but you assume she wants to see the neighborhood for herself, in person, wants to see how good the security is and what the neighbors are like. It's only natural, she's a mother and her only daughter is moving twenty hours away from her. You look down at your phone, your GPS says you are pulling up now, you look around the area, it was very nice, wasn't too far from the city. You spot the complex to the left, it was pretty big with multiple sections with apartments, you were building three, kind of in the middle of everything. You pull into the complex parking in front of the leasing office to speak to your landlord and to get your keys, your mom comes with you of course, sizing everything up.

"Hi welcome to Arts District Apartments, it's Amaya correct, my name is George?" An old-looking man stands from his desk, his hand reaching out to shake yours

"Thank you, George, it's Amoya actually" You reach out and shake his hand with a smile.

You two talk a bit about the complex and its rules etc. Your mom chimed in every now and then to ask her questions. Before you know it you're unloading the truck into your new apartment, you're realizing now that you didn't have as much stuff as you thought. The last thing you had left was your bed, you and your mom had been doing well with just the two of you, but after you two had gotten the mattress inside your mother's back began to bother her. Now you had your bed frame, you told your mom to relax for now and that you could get the frame up yourself. Partial lie, you previously took apart the bed frame and so there were mainly long pieces that weren't too heavy except the backboard, that thing was heavy as fuck, luckily you had a dolly at the storage building to help you carry it out, but now you have to carry it to the elevator and down the hall. You managed to get it down from the truck, and from there you lifted it and sped walked to the elevator, almost dropping the bed frame on your foot as you set it down to push the button. The doors had closed on you twice as you tried to pick the frame back up and lift it into the elevator, but alas you made it, now on the third floor and outside the elevator. You took pride in your body, you considered yourself strong, regularly went to the gym, and you would say your legs were the strongest part of your body, with that being said, you tried to make as little noise as possible since it was still early in the morning, you lost your footing. You were almost there, your door being right in front of you; but you fell. Landing on the door behind you hitting your head with a very loud thud.

"Bumbo." You whisper yelled at yourself in Jamaican as you set the frame down and leaned off of the door. (translation: Fuck)

Holding the frame upright you walk around it reaching for your door, the frame slipping from your fingers and falling against your neighbor's door again. You prayed that your new neighbor was either a very deep sleeper or wasn't home right now, though maybe you didn't pray hard enough. You lift the bed frame from your neighbor's door, getting your phone to get your mom to hold the door open for you so you can slide it the rest of the way inside. Stopping, you hear the door behind you click open. Your bed frame blocked your view of whoever had stepped out, but you could hear him.

Ch.1 - Ch.2

Updated Author note: Hopefully this was an enjoyable first chapter or part. The apartment is just a random apartment complex I saw on Zillow, everything in this is all fictional besides the YouTube videos and things that are obviously real. Anyway, I have decided to make this a series, I've gone into too much detail on little things like Amoya's intrusive thoughts and all that, and it'd be a waste to shorten and delete half of what I put and speed through everything, Amoya's intrusive thoughts and anxiety is a trait I added from myself, so you'll notice a lot of internal thinking and scenarios she makes up in her head. Hopefully, the idea is as cool as what I thought of in my head. If this does well, I will upload the other chapters one after the other, If it does bad I'll just delete everything, but please be patient I procrastinate a lot and I want the writing to be good. Please be honest and let me know how you all feel about this, if you like the writing, the main character, the pacing, the storyline, length, anything, and everything, I need criticism but don't be a bitch about it.

[i-heart-hxh]

Do you think togashi Will sink killugon in the future by denying the romantic reading of their relationship?

Hi anon! I strongly don't think that'll ever happen. I truly believe including the romantic subtext between them is intentional on Togashi's part, and I want to be clear I'm not saying that just as a shipper, but as someone who has spent years deeply analyzing the series as a whole, as well as Togashi's influences and interests. The deeper I look into it, the more I'm certain he includes all the things he includes with full intention.

Again, I post this because everyone deserves to see it:

Togashi wanted to create works with queer characters before HxH even existed, and he was deeply invested in this concept! It's possible pieces of HxH even came out of this original idea he had--he did say he might publish it someday in "a different form," so it's not an impossibility.

I think likely one of two things will happen with Gon and Killua's relationship in the future of the manga:

Togashi will bring them back and reunite them, and we'll (at least eventually) get some sort of ending for them that may not be 100% undeniably canonically romantic, but likely continues with the same kind of romantic subtext and ambiguity that's been present all along. (Think something like: They decide to travel together again and promise to stay together without it actually saying if they mean it in a romantic way or not, but there might be hints or wording that imply it is intended in that way, with Togashi trusting those of us who see it that way will understand.) Or maybe we hit the jackpot and he does make it explicitly canon. I don't think that's super likely, but if anyone could get away with it, it would be Togashi, for a whole list of reasons I won't get into on this post.

Sadly he won't reach that point in the manga due to his health and how much of the series remains, but he won't say either way what he intends their relationship to mean, and we're free to continue to interpret it how we want.

There are other possibilities of course, but I think those are the most likely outcomes. I do think he fully intends to reunite Gon and Killua and I've written about this in-depth (whether the series actually reaches that point or not). I don't think he intends to "sink the ship" ever because he's the one giving us an uncountable number of reasons to believe in the ship in the first place... And I do think he's doing it out of his own personal interest, not just for marketing reasons or whatever like we see in some other shounen series. It's deeply embedded in the series and the number of things pointing in this direction is just so, so many.

I don't think there's any reason to be pessimistic about Gon and Killua's future, aside from the factor of Togashi's health. However, I try to take the attitude that, in the case that it doesn't ever get finished (and assuming Togashi doesn't have some sort of back up plan, and I suspect he might), we get to choose ourselves how it ends. I deeply hope we get a canon reunion between them someday, the thought of this happening is something that keeps me going in life, but if we do have to continue to imagine it ourselves, it certainly could be worse.

[sflow-er]

To me, Stedrika always felt forced and not natural. It was pretty obvious to me in S2 they were the result of fan service. It was so ironic Lisa wrote them into canon because apparently there were fans who shipped them and when it did happen, the pairing was met with backlash and vitriol.

I assume you're the same anon, so hello again!

Ironic as in 'happening in a way contrary to what is expected', yes. Ironic as in 'typically causing wry amusement because of this', no.

[Putting a cut here because this got a bit long as usual.]

Criticising Stedrika and Lisa's decision to write them in is perfectly fine. We can enjoy and love the show even if we don't think it's 100% perfect.

But I want to make it very clear that no matter how anyone personally feels about Stedrika or any other ship, or the actors or writers, or fan service in general, nothing justifies spewing hate at them for it. I am thankfully not on Xitter myself, but from what I've heard from my lurker friend, the anons who occasionally wandered over here to call Felicia various misogynist slurs and spread baseless rumours that "Lisa's pet ship" would have more screen time in S3 than Wilmon were only the tip of the iceberg.

It's also good to note that the hate wasn't the only thing that discouraged people from shipping Stedrika after S2. For example, I also saw plenty of likely well-meaning posts where it was suggested that shipping the "mean white girls" was somehow racist when Rosh existed as a canonically queer POC. The same thing was also said about shipping Henry and Walter instead of Nils with someone. And of course, it is very valid to demand more queer POC rep and fanworks about them! I just don't understand how discouraging people from liking other ships was supposed to help (and this also connects to the posts saying "no one" cared about characters other than Wilmon that became commonplace during the wait for S3, about which I have already written too much before).

So it's hard to say how many people might have actually liked Stedrika even back in S2 if the general response had been less negative. I find that very sad, even if I was never particularly invested in them and actually felt similar to how you did watching S2.

On the one hand, it's good to have different takes and ships in the fandom whether they are our own thing or not. It enriches the fandom in general and may even enrich our own experience later on. I for one am way more interested in Stedrika now than I ever was before, and that's mostly down to discussions I've had and posts I've read on the non-Wilmon fringe of the fandom that have made me reflect on my relationship to various characters.

On the other hand, once you add something to canon, it is canon, whether it was meant to be there from the start or not. I think allocating just a little more time to Stedrika in order to wrap up their story properly would have been a better choice than dropping them completely (ETA: which I guess is the other thing they could have done instead of what we got). Yeah, there were plenty of other, more central plot lines that were also cut down in S3, but I don't think eradicating a huge chunk of the WLW rep they had added in S2 would have been a particularly popular or responsible choice.

And of course, the writers could have also taken various other paths with the story, e.g. making Stella's crush unrequited and showing how that affected their friendship. I personally think those other paths would have been more interesting than making them endgame (and would have also cast S2 in a new light upon rewatch!), but unfortunately they would have required even more screen time.

[daily-rayless]

25 Years of Rosa

I've been doing this character appreciation series for a while now, and it's about time we got to a very special character – the first character from the first JRPG I ever played that I first really fangirled over – the first character that was my Number One Favorite Video Game Character – Rosa Farrell from Final Fantasy 4.

June 1999

We are going so far back that I have no idea what my first Rosa fan art was. It's not this – but I wanted to highlight it because I was incredibly proud of myself. Rosa, all sad and anguished because she's missing Cecil.

But let's talk some about her, the good and the -- maybe? -- bad.

October 1999

I first played FF4 in May 1999, on a rickety and unreliable Super Nintendo. The cartridge was prone to failure and wiped out my first save once I'd gotten the team underground. But by then, I was invested, too invested to give up and play Chrono Trigger or something. I had to find out what happened to Cecil and Rosa and everyone, so I slammed that cartridge right back in and started up a new game. Fortunately, that one lasted all the way through.

January 2000

As I said, it was my first JRPG, and I adored the medium, especially the story. Along with having a rickety SNES, I also had a house with a not-great internet connection, and this was long before you could easily look up Let's Plays and videos of your favorite scenes. Convinced in my young mind that the game might never properly work for me again and would never, I don't know, be republished, I immediately sat down and wrote a detailed, dramatized summary of the whole thing just so I wouldn't forget it.

April 2000

And my favorite element of the story was Rosa, the healer, the archer, the female lead. Maybe it's just that FF4 was my first game, but I like to think there's a special spark to Rosa that makes her stand out.

June 2000

I was bubbling over with enthusiasm and, along with writing out a detailed summary, I subjected my patient and obliging mother to endless dissertations on the characters and story. I specifically remember talking to her about Rosa, and her commenting that Rosa was a traditionally “feminine” character, even “passive” – a healer, a love interest, needing to be rescued not once, but twice.

November 2000

And I think that's worth exploring – as neutrally as possible. On one hand, in fiction we do have a very long history of imperiled, secondary, predominantly supportive heroines, and the fact that so many had to be written that way reflects something bad in the real world. On the other hand, I really do believe that most tropes are just tropes, and even if they've been overused, often badly used, that doesn't mean they can't be used.

August 2001

In a lot of ways, Rosa is a very safe character. Though she's a studied mage and master archer, that's not why she's in the story. Her main involvement is as a love interest, both to the hero Cecil and his rival/best friend Kain.

November 2001

Rosa's reason for joining the adventure comes down to her love for Cecil. She isn't seeking her own quest. She never states a goal that isn't Cecil's. In fairness, the game is very stripped down, and none of the characters voice very complex motives. You could just as easily say Cecil is Cid's reason for joining the adventure.

November 2002

But Rosa's story beats all come down to Cecil and Kain. Surely, on such an adventure, Rosa would grow and discover things about herself, but you never hear about it. What you hear about is her worrying about Cecil, worrying about the fate of the world, taking care of others, and of course getting kidnapped. All very safe, non-disruptive things for a female character.

June 2004

There are even moments where the game leans into a slight but still apparent sexism. At the siege of Fabul, despite Rydia and Rosa being practiced fighters and valuable mages, they're sent to tend to the injured while the men go off to fight.

June 2005

This is echoed at the end of the game when Cecil himself, who knows full well how powerful Rosa and Rydia are, still forbids them to join him in the ending level. There's some brief resistance, but then the girls, in all apparent obedience, quietly leave while the men remain to save the world.

September 2005

Part of it may be that Rosa comes from a very early video game, but if we look at sci-fi/fantasy itself as a genre, we had more boundary-pushing heroines long before the early 1990s, at least in the West. By then, we already had Princess Leia, Red Sonja, Alanna the Lioness, and others.

April 2006

Rosa is brave, talented, and loyal, but is she ultimately a regressive character?

October 2007

I don't know if I have a perfect answer to that. What I do know is that one of the things I've always loved most about Rosa is that she knows her own mind. Yeah, she'll support you. Yeah, she'll cast Protect and Haste on you, and then she'll Cure you when Bahamut takes your HP down to 1. But she does not do it meekly.

2008

One of her first scenes is her comforting Cecil as he deals with his thorny ethical angst. But she quickly stops murmuring kindly to him and tells him he can't just mope and complain about things. He has to take a stand. He has to own his actions – change himself, one of the themes of the game. She sees it long before he does, and she isn't exactly tender as she tells him.

July 2009

She joins the adventure for Cecil, but she doesn't join with him. He leaves without her (she doesn't beg to come with him, she has things to do) and when he goes missing, she sets off on her own in search of him, going faster and getting farther than he did before desert sickness stops her cold.

March 2010

And at the end of the game when this selfsame Cecil, this guy who grew up with her and is in a relationship with her and knows her so well, tells her to go home and be safe while he and the guys save the world, she does meekly turn around and leave. But she doesn't go far. She and Rydia stow aboard his spaceship and travel with him and the men to the moon. Whereupon she tells Cecil, with no ambiguity, that he cannot keep her from coming.

October 2011

Which is a good thing, because I have beaten FF4 many times, and let me tell you, you are not surviving the ending boss without Rosa Curing you, Protecting you, and probably Lifing you more than once.

February 2013

So have I exonerated Rosa? I've shown how assertive she really is. Have I proved she's not regressive?

October (?) 2018

Honestly, I'm not a big fan of the assertive woman = automatically good female character theory. A woman can be physically weak, even psychologically timid, and still be an incredibly interesting, complex, and strong character. And another can be bold and brave and badass and still remain uninteresting and shallow.

2020

But I think I've shown that, whatever Rosa is, she's not passive.

August 2021

Being a back-row archer isn't a problem, being a healer isn't a problem, being conventionally feminine isn't a problem. Even, at the end of the day, being a “safe” character isn't actually a problem. It comes down to how well the character's written – and, even more subjectively, how they connect with the audience.

May 2024

Rosa connected powerfully with me. Since then, other characters have come and eclipsed her number one spot in my heart. But I still love her a lot, and I don't want to see her dismissed.

[paikothecateater]

Alright, Danish Slaughterhouse rant.

So I first read this fic a while back. It was recommended to me by a friend. Now, they'd recommended me pretty weird stuff before (Iceland X fridge crack ship stuff) so I was a little bit skeptical when I started reading it. I wasn't super into the hetalia fandom at the time, so I had never seen anyone talking about this fic before.

Now I could rant about how fucking disgusting this story is, but that's already been done. This writer has managed to write a story so bad that people looked over some pretty major stuff.

Like how the writing is a fucking crime against humanity.

First I'd just like to say that I mean no hate towards the person who wrote this fic. It was a long time ago and I doubt they still stand by it. I'm sure they cringe at the thought of having been the one to write it. I will not be mentioning their name as 1) I don't even know it and 2) I don't want anyone harassing them.

It's pretty rare to become infamous in your fandom. Especially writing fan fics. The creator of Gutters, Glassmilk (I believe that's their name) made a fic that was so genuinely good and heartbreaking that they became famous among the fandom. The creator of the Danish slaughterhouse however, because famous in the fandom for making a fic that was genuinely so appalling people couldn't help talking about it.

I'll be using the names they gave the characters to make things easier.

I'll go ahead and bring up what is in my opinion a huge literary crime.

The lack of descriptivism.

I'd like to mention that I've written novels before. I've just been unable to publish them due to the lack of resources. It's hard publishing an English novel in an Arabic nation. Regardless, I think I know a thing or two about this whole process.

Descriptivism is something that I personally think is very important for a good story. This story left so much to be desired. All I could imagine for Mathias' house? Flat, solid colours, generic furniture, unclear structure. It had absolutely no character. You could have given it a design that would have reflected his personality and made it easier to understand the layout with just a few sentences. I know describing a layout is tough because it's a little tricky to stay consistent and it gets a bit repetitive in writing, but an attempt could have at least been made.

When we reach the second half of the fic, it becomes very hard to get invested in the suspense of what's happening because the layout is so confusing. Whenever a hiding place is mentioned, it's crucial that the layout is clear because if it isn't then the following questions will always distract from the anxiety: where is this hiding place in the house? Where is it in reference to the place Mathias is at? How escapable is it?

It genuinely gets too distracting.

Next there is character development.

I don't even have to be the one to say that the portrayal of Mathias' character is extremely butchered. Let's not even mention the weak ass motive for all this, but it is so genuinely weird how shit seems to go from zero to one hundred with this shit. More on that in a second.

The characters are genuinely some of the most one dimensional characters I think I've ever seen. Like seriously? How am I as a reader supposed to route for a wooden plank?

Emil is just 'emo teenager with headphones'

Lukas? 'barely mentioned overprotective brother'

Berwald is pretty much the same with 'overprotective father'

Tino 'every single mom in a survival movie'

And of course Mr. Mathias 'kill kill stab stab because pain and misery is fun?'

See? Incredibly one dimensional. At this point, you might as well route for Mathias to get this bullshit done quicker. None of them have genuinely lovable moments.

Peter is a whole other issue, because if you're a decent human being, you're going to be concerned for the child, but it doesn't change the fact that for the first half, he's also incredibly one dimensional.

Then is another huge issue, the red flags.

We all know what eventually happens between Mathias and Peter. The way this is portrayed is so fucking awful.

You're telling me Peter was found injured in a locked office and no one questioned it? Either Tino and Berwald are awful fucking parents or they're incredibly stupid. Lock picking? The absolute fuck? That doesn't even make a little sense. If it was my child I'd be freaking out. I'd immediately nope the fuck out of there because clearly this is not a safe place for my child. All they do is lightly chastise this poor child and move on?

I've never personally been a fan of Nordic ships because I see their relationship as platonic. I also have other reasons for genuinely disliking these ships, but I won't get into that.

That being said, The Peter situation was not the only or first red flag. Mathias is shown very early on to be very disrespectful of Lukas' boundaries and actually assaulted him. It was just brushed over as relationship drama. What even the fuck?

Then there's the situation with Emil. Arguably the worst one ever.

I hate to say it, but the portrayal of both Peter and Emil post the traumatic situation was actually pretty consistent with someone who has actually been through something like this. With Peter, the mannerisms of a victimised child are all present. Which further reinforces the fact that Tino and Berwald are absolutely brainless and I'll get into that in a second.

With Emil there's the conflicting feelings that come with being victimised by someone you genuinely trusted. The initial panic followed by the Internal conflict. When someone is attacked by someone they trust, there's a very common sense of confusion that follows. I'll try my best to explain it as well as I can.

Realistically, he'll have panicked, screamed, cursed, etcetera during the attack, however, afterwards, in a non-adrenalin induced state, his brain would begin to flood with so many things. There's the anger, hurt, sadness about being attacked. There's the devastating fear that this person who he'd trusted his entire life and relied on is now completely severed from his life. The fear that it'll happen again. And the overwhelming anxiety about having to deal with the situation.

I'll try to make a light comparison here.

Imagine you're in school and have to give a speech for whatever reason. You're in the middle of it, when someone suddenly walks up to you, slaps you across the face and insults you in front of the whole audience. Obviously, everyone saw, no one is blaming you, realistically, no matter what you say, everyone is on your side.

However, the pressure to respond to the situation is overwhelming. You have to address it because it happened and everyone knows it happened. You may still be very emotional about it and it may be too sensitive to talk about immediately, or you're just so confused about how to properly respond. Do you get angry? Do you play the saint and pretend it didn't affect you? Do you pretend it never happened? Regardless, you have to respond because everyone wants to know how it affected you, what happened? Why it happened?, etcetera.

This is exactly the situation Emil is in. So what does Lukas do as a good big brother?

He gently and patiently waits for Emil to open up to him while letting him know that he's safe and that he will be believed no matter what-

I'm just kidding, he violently pushes Emil for a response in a way that could only further traumatise him. He makes him feel like his emotional response isn't valid and that he somehow did something wrong instead of waiting until he's ready to talk or even take matters into his own hands and confront Mathias.

It is fucking horrible.

Then when their fight gets louder and the other three get involved (Berwald, Tino and Peter) and Peter finally confesses to having been hurt Tino puts on this whole caring act like 'oh remember how we taught you about this stuff?'

Bitch, what?

So this is a conversation that has happened before. And you still couldn't recognise the signs that something changed in Peter's behaviour? You teach the child about how to recognise when he's being victimised without teaching yourself how to recognise when your child is being victimised?

What the actual fuck?

I'd like to say that during this scene, Lukas feels guilty for the way he approached the situation which, yes, it was bad, you should be guilty, but it's not like he fucking does anything to rectify it.

Emil listens to Peter talking and has to come to the realisation that he was hurt. That his world was crumbling down. Still, Lukas makes no effort to make him feel supported.

Suddenly, this infuriating scene is interrupted by an even more infuriating one.

Berwald is understandably beating the absolute shit out of Mathias. The others run in and watch until Tino screams for Berwald to stop. Why? Because he's scaring Peter.

Hello? Then get Peter the fuck out. Surely this can't be the priority. Peter will survive watching his attacker get absolutely fucked up. I promise you. He will.

I'd also love to point out the sheer lack of fucks given about Emil and how this is affecting him. I'd like to give Tino the benefit of the doubt and say he was also concerned for Emil, but it doesn't even matter.

So like a fucking idiot, Berwald gets off of Mathias and they all start heading towards the door.

I'd like to mention that Mathias having already shot Emil in the leg was even more incentive for them to leave because even if it was an accident, clearly something is not quite right here. Surely Emil would prefer to heal at home and if Lukas was such a good brother he'd insist on taking Emil home.

Anyway, so, Mathias reveals his true intentions and the hunt begins.

Do I have to mention how stupid this is? A hunt? If he did actually have a motive he'd prefer to go for the easy kill, use those weird shock things and just murder them. If he's too sadistic for that he could also just casually immobilise them and torture them, but no, it has to be a hunt. Sure whatever.

As I said, the layout gets super complicated, but that's not the only issue.

He allegedly shot Emil to even out the playing field, but uh... What about Peter? Oh he gets to team up with the others? That's stupid and also doesn't solve the problem. Now you have to run for your life and lug a child around? It's just so damn weird because he was so committed to things being fair and as such shot him in the fucking leg, but Peter can go to hell?

Berwald and Tino are killed off pretty instantly, so I'll immediately skip onto the other two.

Why was Emil's situation so fucking weird? Also, I'm sorry for the weird topic, but how the fuck does the author think piss works? It's such a weird element to include in the story. It served no purpose to the story as Mathias already knew Emil was in the room. It just made it all grosser.

Also, again with the one dimensional characters. You're telling me Mathias never once felt pity?

It would have improved the story if maybe during the scene where he tries to drown Emil and presumes him dead for him to have a moment of remorse. Tear up about the fact that he murdered someone he cared about. It could've made Emil feel like there was hope for him. Just because your character is a monster that doesn't necessarily make them a psycho. It would've enhanced the story, but no.

And you're telling me after this whole situation everyone is just... Fine? Emil and Peter are just playing together? Emil had to abandon Peter to save himself, surely there will be a bit of tension about that.

Also, Mathias' motive is just bad. It's inconsistent with his character and doesn't make any sense.

This is a hetalia fic, no? There is a rule according to the canon that a nations decisions are secondary to their bosses. That being said, I've never met the Danish royal family, but I doubt the words 'go fuck your entire family' has ever left their mouths.

Another motive could've been that he was just fed up with how he was generally treated by the others. It's a weak motive, but it's better than that bullshit.

Also, the populations of the countries immigrating to Denmark because the Nordics are trapped at Mathias'?

Emil has been on long trips to visit south East Asia. His population stayed put then. So how does this work?

Overall, this fic is just badly written. It needs some serious work. It's inconsistent, dull, confusing, appalling and just downright criminal.

[agent-troi]

20 Questions for 20 Writers

thanks for the triple tag @thatfragilecapricorn30 @randomfoggytiger @virtie333

i started working on the original questions before I was tagged by @randomfoggytiger so i'm just gonna keep going on those😅

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 108

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 402,230

3. What fandoms do you write for? mostly the x-files and star trek but i've dabbled in fringe and the west wing

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Platonic Procreation, Security Questions, Eden, Mother Knows Best, The MSR Files

5. Do you respond to comments? i always reply if they commented on something specific, and i try to reply most of the time but sometimes if i get a lot of comments at once i get overwhelmed and don't reply to them all😅

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? i don't usually do angsty endings but i think that would have to be my rain king ivf fic, Driftwood Lullaby

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? you're pretty much guaranteed to get a happy ending with most of my fics lol but some contenders i wanna highlight are Aqua Vitae, Defining Parameters, Sweet Kisses, Where A Million Stars Catch Fire, Though the Heavens Fall, The Wrong Scully, Coda, and Blood and Water

8. Do you get hate on fics? i got one hate comment on my most popular fic (lmao) and a couple of nitpicky comments on other fics that didn't quite rise to the level of hate

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? no never lol

10. Do you write crossovers? i've had ideas with varying levels of ambition but never actually written one lol

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? nope

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? several! they're all in this collection with @katy-kt-katie, @tofuttim, @incidental-ao3, @baronessblixen, and IStanYouStan5676🫶🏻🫶🏻

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? MSR!!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i have two: an AU that i was steadily chipping away at until my building burned down in february and i've opened the google doc maybe twice since then lol, and a multi chapter that's been sitting for literal years with every chapter either complete, partially complete, or outlined, but i just can't make myself work on it lmao

16. What are your writing strengths? dialogue i think, i spend a lot of time thinking about fictional characters so their voices are always in my head lol

17. What are your writing weaknesses? i'm so jealous of people who can write multiple multi chapter epics and i'd love to write more elaborate and complicated multi chapter fics but i just don't have the time or energy to invest in fully fleshing them out😔

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i love it when it adds to the realism of the setting

19. First fandom you wrote for? lord of the rings

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? hmm idk if i can pick just one favorite so i'm gonna drop a few that i haven't already linked: A Most Owlish Conundrum, Beyond Antares, Light in Dark Places, The Scully Dimension, Scientific Proof, Faith, Hope, and Love, When Toads Fly, Cucumber Time

tagging the friends i already tagged in question 13 and anyone else who hasn't already been tagged bc i'm sure i'm late to the party lol

[batrachised]

20 Questions for Writers

tagged by @librarylexicon, thank you thank you!

I chose to focus on the star wars side of things for this game because I thiiiink I've answered it before with more of my LMM stuff??

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

41 in total on my star wars account, 7 on my other ao3 account!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

532,349 on star wars, 72,041 on other! honestly I'm kind of surprised because I'm someone who struggles with meeting her word count goal most of the time, i've almost never had the problem of fics ballooning

3. What fandoms do you write for?

star wars, lmm, and bridgerton, although with bridgerton it was a brief foray that I doubt will continue

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

star wars wise:

a rose by any other name

And if Our Paths Should Cross Again

And if Our Paths Should Cross Again part 2

the quiet lies we tell ourselves

yesterdays and tomorrows

other than that it's all my bridgerton fic because I was writing and posting in anticipation of the new season so it was bit like drinking from a fire hose in terms of the response!

5. Do you respond to comments?

i used to be really good at this, and now I am TERRIBLE at it. suffice to say I do read all comments and very much appreciate them!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

HEHEHEHE it was The Horrendous Space Kablooie (de-aged Vader goes on a calvin and hobbes adventure through the executor as ghost obi-wan fretfully comments), second remember me. I love getting comments on those fics because people are always like HOW COULD YOU once they get to the end.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhh, probably a surprise of roses?? jane of lantern hill meets star wars so it has the coziness one for sure

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope, occasionally I'll get a weird comment or very rarely a nasty one, but it's never been a problem writ large. i tend to find them more funny than anything else. i did once get a hate anon on my long defunct star wars blog and that irritated me to no end (mostly because I was like FACE ME LIKE A WOMAN)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nope, never have never will because I'm very uncomfortable with it lol. I did once write a long romance fic and swore never to do it again (even as I then proceeded to write bridgerton fic) because the comments made me so uncomfortable. it was very pg rated, but the comments were not sklsj. anyway, it is now safely tucked away under the anonymous tag and will remain there!

10. Do you write crossovers?

no, they rarely interest me - i have mentioned I liked reading merlin/harry potter crossovers but that's about my level of interest

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I've had fics copied to other sites without permission but never to my knowledge straight up stolen

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yup, a couple I think!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope, i'm a loner when it comes to writing. I think it would be fun to co-author a fic one day but right now I don't have a lot of creative energy for writing in general so it's a future, not a present, goal

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

i don't really have one tbh, sometimes I'll get super invested in one for a bit but then my interest always fades. right now nothing is coming to mind

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

any of my bridgerton fic, except I don't really want to finish it lolll, season 3 killed my interest so effectively I don't really care about it at all anymore

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have the ability to be very silly, which isn't necessarily always a strength but it is something I'm good at

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't really do it, sometimes I'll throw in a fake sounding star wars word (or been like "the droid went beep beep") but I don't have enough knowledge of other languages to do this well

19. First fandom you wrote for?

star wars!

20. Favourite fic you've written?

HMMMM. It's usually the most recent. I think my best fic is probably A Ticklish Business or Two Suns Burning, while one of my favorite fics is Meadow Lily, Desert rose

tagging @dandelionsandderivatives @shannyh25 @mollywog @capablecapybara

[larkral]

Ten Questions for Writers

Thank you @emeryhall for the tag!

How many works do you have on AO3? 22?

What’s your total AO3 word count? 267,125

What fandoms do you write for? At present: Carry On, In Other Lands, Red White & Royal Blue, Check Please, and I suppose The Scholomance. (I don't have any active WIPs in Check Please or The Scholomance right now, but I do not assume that I'll stay away forever)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yes! Except I don't always respond promptly, because I get very in my head about it. I have a backlog of ~25 comments I need to respond to, and I try to do a couple every time I get a comment and I have the energy.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Kind of? I've done a round robin fic in a long ago fandom, and have discussed writing something together with several people (notably: @shrekgogurt and @petedavidsonscock), but one or both of us fizzled on the idea before making it happen.

What’s your all-time favourite ship? Uh oh, I'm not sure.

What are your writing strengths? I've been told that my characterization is really good, so I'll go with that. I am personally very invested in figurative language, so I do a lot of that and love it and will never stop. I also enjoy investing a lot of thought and energy into making sure the logistics of my stories work. If you've read A Dangerous Affinity you probably recognize that fact, and it's also true in Feet Buried in the Sand, Friday Prime, finally (already, always), and my current WIPs in RWRB fandom and IOL.

What are your writing weaknesses? My main writing weaknesses are logistical. I'm a little bit the opposite of the "too many WIPs" writer. If I have an idea that I feel compelled to write, it's a pretty cool experience, if I don't have an idea, I just don't write. That's the reason I was in a 7-year writing slump after my ideas in my prior fandom ran out. I also get impatient to publish, so sometimes I don't ... edit as much as I might want. Which leads to things such as... tense fuckery (two of my current stories are in past tense and two are in present tense. If you think I'm getting those consistently right you are incorrect!).

First fandom you wrote for? Animorphs, before the internet, on my family's desktop computer in our basement while my siblings watched The Smurfs across the room. I have a feeling if I ever overheard an episode of the Smurfs I'd have an attack of sense memory about writing this story.

Tagging @petedavidsonscock @talentpiper11 @kiwiana-writes @captain-aralias @wellbelesbian

@fatalfangirl @mostlymaudlin @philaet0s @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @nausikaaa :-P

[justplainwhump]

No.

This is a jump into the future for Angel's and much more so for Tyler's story. There will be a lot more coming about his very current situation, fear not - but after him thinking about 238's forgiveness, this piece demanded to be written, and I'm not going to let it catch dust in my drafts. So here you go.

Angel Masterpost | Tyler Masterpost

Tyler and Angel meet again.

Content / warning: BBU setting (but far in recovery), BBU recovery, implied past noncon / dubcon and short but frank discussion of it, conditioning and the struggle to get out of it, former whumper trying to work on redemption. Also includes minor spoilers for Tyler's story, which I deem in no way relevant to the potential enjoyment of it, but still mention here anyway.

Some years later

Tyler had never thought he'd be able to find her again. Despite all efforts, not only by him, by an entire network of people, it had seemed like after the death of her owner, 002238 had ceased to exist. 

It had been more than a year since Tyler had come out of jail; two months, since Tara had finished filming her documentary. A bit more since she'd identified and contacted Danielle Hammond's father, who had financed the search for her with huge amounts of money and resources.  

It had been Tyler who finally found her, though. And on a hunch, he hadn't shared this with Tara and the others right away. He would - of course he would, but he wanted to talk to 238 first. 

So he'd approached her, just out there on the street, and she'd simply stared at him, from these dark brown eyes that followed him in his dreams and nightmares, held his gaze for long seconds, and then calmly suggested to get lunch.

And now here they were, Tyler and 238, sitting in a booth of a crowded deli, two young people in their late twenties, nothing unusual to spot for any onlooker. 238 looked good, confident and a bit distanced, in a way that only added to her stunning charisma.

She held the paper cup with fresh orange juice on the table in front of her, clutching it with both hands. A barrier between them. 

Tyler swallowed, staring down at it. He'd have punished her for that. Before.

She followed his gaze, and her fingers twitched, as if he'd actually done it, for the fraction of a second, before she settled them again. "Speak," she said. Her voice was a little raspy, less focused on smoothness than when he'd last heard her. Commanding, almost.

Tyler had thought about this moment for years. Every single night since he'd left WRU he had imagined finding 238 and talking to her. In the beginning, in these fantasies he'd been saving her from her owner. He'd show up at his doorstep, just buy her off his hands, whatever the price, and then he'd invest everything he'd ever learned to reverse her conditioning. He'd work and work and work, until he'd earn her forgiveness and his own. Later, when he'd learned about the asshole's death, he'd rescue her from the streets, find a safe place for her, help her get back on her feet. He was here for something else, now.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I… Angel, Danielle, fuck, I… I don't even know what to call you, really, I-"

"Angel," she said, very briskly. She didn't hide the pained blink of her eyes at the other name. The one he'd made her forget. Fuck. He wasn't off to a good start. "I kept it. Better than a number."

238, he thought, peering at her wrist. There was nothing there, perfect soft skin, encircled by a thin silver bracelet. It looked like a gift. He wondered who got it for her. He hated himself for wanting to know.

He hated himself for everything about this, suddenly.

"Why are you here, Handler Parker?"

He shivered and shook his head. "I… I'm not a handler any more. I left WRU, I went to jail, I… I'm not that man any longer. I... I regret everything. So much. I have been horrible. I've done horrible things. And I want to-"

"No." 238's face hardened. She was pale under her freckles - had it been him or had she looked like that when they entered the deli? "No, handler."

"I-" he stammered. "Hear me-"

"No." She raised her chin. "Do you…" Her voice trembled. "Do you even understand how hard it is for me to say this word, Handler Parker? Even now? After so many years? You should, shouldn't you? Because it's been you, who tortured it out of my vocabulary. Do you know how often I… how often I wanted to, but I didn't even know what it was that I wanted, because there was just nothing? Just a fucking void, where a voice should've been. I know everything would've happened anyway, because that's just what it is, but… do you have an idea what it means to just silently accept everything? I got out of the facility, I got out of my owner's house, I got out of the system, but I… I still can't properly say it." She swallowed. "No. No, Handler. I will not forgive you for what you've done. I don't care how you have changed. Because you know what that won't change? Me. I…" She blinked, and only now did Tyler realize the tears in the corners of her eyes. "I have to physically fight my urge to get out of this seat, in the… the most seductive way possible, and to get under this table, get on my knees, right between your legs, and play with your zipper and just…" Her jaw clenched. "I hate sex. I hate cocks. I hate you. And right now I still want nothing as much as your stupid cock in me and your voice calling me a good girl."

She got to her feet and slammed a bill on the table. "Fuck you, Sir. Find your absolution somewhere else. You're not getting it here."

"I…" Tyler struggled. "Wait. I… I want to go to Court."

She stopped in her tracks, raised an eyebrow, staring down at him in fury and confusion. "What?"

"Sue WRU," he said, words just tumbling from his lips. "You didn't sign up for it. I know it." You signed up for this, his own voice rang in his ears. Repeat after me. He shook his head. "You were kidnapped and tortured and... I… I will testify. I have files, I have names, I… I have memories. Sue me. Sue WRU." He pulled a business card from his pocket with trembling fingers. "This is my lawyer. Please. You can… We can… I can't make things right, but maybe there's a chance at… changing others' fates."

238 slowly took the card, looked at it and then back at him, with a breathless chuckle. "What tells me you're not cashing in a reward for bringing in a runaway pet?"

Tyler loosened his leather bracelet, before turned his own wrist towards her. The bars were still stark black against his skin, ink dark as on the first day.

She shook her head in disbelief. "You're… you're not…"

"I was never on the Drip. I didn't forget anything. But I… I have seen WRU, from all perspectives possible. I want them to go down. I know I'll be the first to be locked up for the things that I did to you, I don't care - but this case, your case, it's strong enough that I wouldn't be the last." 

He pulled the bracelet over his wrist again, before he pointed at the business card in her hand. "Sue WRU."

She swallowed. "I'll think about it," she whispered, before she closed her hands around the card and buried it in her pocket, voice dropping even further. "Fuck you anyway."

[stevethehairington]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

i was tagged by @scimitar-and-longsword, ty Lolo for the tag!! 💕

How many works do you have on ao3? 118

What's your total ao3 word count? 667,938

What fandoms do you write for? the most recent fandom i've written for and posted for is stranger things, and i am still writing for it! i have also recently been dipping my toes into writing for both the terror and challengers (though i have not posted anything ~officially~ for either yet)

Top five fics by kudos:

good for my boy - steddie; wayne pov, the first time wayne meets steve! | 4,4,564 kudos

can't hide the way you make us glow - steddie; sequel to good for my boy, also wayne pov, this time how wayne finds out steve and eddie are together | 3,154 kudos

i want to hold your hand - steddie; steve has a crush on eddie and really reaaallly wants to hold his hand | 2,361 kudos

sloe gin fizzy, do it till you're dizzy - steddie; steve and eddie make a habit of getting high together... and also making out | 2,204 kudos

the world will follow after - steddie; steve accidentally kisses eddie on his way out the door | 2,000 kudos

Do you respond to comments? yes!!! i'll admit, i'm suuuper behind on this (a combination of being ridiculously busy and not having my laptop for a hot minute) but i absolutely do respond to every comment at some point! the way i see it is if you're kind enough to take the time to say something nice i'm gonna take the time to say thanks!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? ooh angstiest ending? i fear i end all of my fics happy haha, but i suppose... well, i suppose keep you on a rope would fit the bill. this one is my tommy pov hs reunion fic, and tommy sees steve happy with eddie and then goes home drunk and upset soooo yeah that's a pretty unhappy ending for him lol.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? god, like everything else i've ever written?? lmfaoooo. i truly don't have one specific answer here because ALL my fics are happy endings if i can help it.

Do you get hate on fics? nah. i've gotten like a couple dumb comments before but they haven't been like mean outright hate or anything. i hope to keep it that way!

Do you write smut? hah, so, technically yes. but it's been a REAL hot minute, and every time i've tried to write smut recently i feel like i just get so stuck with it and then give up. soooooo.

Craziest crossover: i Do Not Like crossover fics so none! lol

Have you ever had a fic stolen? ummmm, i don't think so?

Have you ever had a fic translated? i've had a couple people ask before, but honestly idk if they ever actually did? so maybe lol

Have you ever co-written a fic before? i've tried! several times! but the, like, motivation/inspiration for those fics sort of fizzled out before they could be finished, so nothing has ever been posted.

All time favorite ship? oh man!!! this is a hard question!!!! because like, my favorite ship is obviously going to be the one i'm most invested in at the moment, but like i do still hold a very special place in my heart for the ships of the past i've fallen out of the fandoms for.

the current ships i'm coo coo for cocoa puffs over at the moment are steddie, fitzier, and tashi/art/patrick (honestly do not know what the "official" ship name for them is lol)

but if i had to pick my favorite out of all the ships ive ever written for... man i think i have to go with stucky!! there's just something about that ship that reaaaaally hits, and even though i don't really write for it anymore, just thinking about it makes me go bananas and feel so much, so yeah, stucky my beloveds.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? HAH okay i have an answer for this one: my steddie two night stand au!!!!! it was going to be my fic for the steddie big bang but i had to drop out of that bc irl got in the way, but i have like. at least half of the fic written already and a solid plan for the rest and i was totally loving what i had for it, and ive been DYING to write a two night stand for literally any fandom i've ever been in so i REALLY want to finish this one at some point... i hope i will!!!

What are your writing strengths? i would probably say my characterization!!! i try really really hard with that and i've gotten lots of comments that have pointed this out specifically, which makes me extra proud!

What are your writing weaknesses? i feel like sometimes when i get too in my head about things i end up, like, getting kind of repetitive, like i'll start using "smile" or describing eyes too much lol. i always try to like fix this when i edit before posting, but it's definitely something i notice myself doing.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? i don't really have an opinion on this, like, whatever fits your fic best, so long as there's a translation somewhere that is easily accessible to the reader!

First fandom you wrote in? skam!!

Favorite fic you've written? oooh okay. i think i'm either going to go with keep me on a rope or under my umbrella!!

i'm going to tag: @withacapitalp @steddielations @henderdads @stevesbipanic @greenlikethesea @toburnup @thefreakandthehair @heybluechild @steddieasitgoes and anyone else that wants to do this!!

[spearxwind]

Hi hello I wanna talk a bit about CD currently but Im not sure if its gonna be too long/negative so I'm gonna put my thoughts under a lid <3

So like. To start off it's really not a secret that I have a lot of trouble when it comes to crafting stories. This has been the case for many years, and will continue to be the case probably forever.

Challenger Deep felt like an exception to this at first, but since starting development on it my life took some turns that made it clear that CD suffers from the same and from different problems

To start with... I started using it as a vehicle for my grief at the start. Talas (especially) and Graves were both used as vehicles for my grief while I was going through stuff the past couple of years, and that inevitably bled through into The Everything.

It's not a bad thing to do this at all mind you (It helped me immensely) but it gave CD a strange foundation for me to build on that now I feel like I am at a major disconnect with, so I would like to build some more foundation around it, so to speak.

I would like to recraft the story (not rewrite it entirely because theres things i rly love, but theres others that I'd like to improve), and a lot of the lore (I feel like I closed my options a bit too much with some of it so I want to make it more expansive too. Part of why I wrote it the way it was was so I could invite friends to make stuff for CD but that did not go over well at all so I think I am going to not do that again). I just havent had the time to work on it properly, and since it's in this state where I feel like I need to "fix" it, I don't feel as passionate about it as last year so at the moment I'm letting it ride and waiting for when I'm excited to work on it again

I would like to add more characters as well and actually do justice writing-wise to the characters that are already in there too.

Also I won't lie, a big part of my investment in CD until recently was my oc ship, with Talas and Hades, and ever since I got into my current relationship I just havent thought much about them at all because I started pretty much actually living all of the shitposts and tropes I'd written and it started making me feel a bit strange to write/draw about that, so I need to fix that as well. See why I feel weird about it and what I can do to stop it and get back to those two

Additionally I've had a redesign of talas and hades' markings in my WIPs for months now. Hades is done, but on Talas' side Im not sure how to add in his bioluminescence pattern because something isnt working for me. I wanted him to be more visibly purble though with said markings. Everything else I really like, its just the glowy pattern (though watch me change the markings anyways bc im an indecesive beast)

Here's a snippet of them:

I wanted them both to have more natural fishy looking markings pretty much

So yeah, that's currently the state of things. I miss it a lot and i rly wanna work on it again proper, maybe now that I've acknowlegded it and made a post about it I will get a second wind like I've gotten before after getting The Gunk out of my chest.

If you read all that thank you I hope you have a swag day <3

[valerileygreen]

@thenwhatthefukcisthis I'm sorry, I'm apparently an idiot and deleted your ask, but here it is (luckily i had made a screenshot as memo 😅)

And here's the answer.

I imagine you mean rare pairs involving Arthur or Eames. I must confess that I'm mostly the type that when gets enamored with a ship on this level, aka obsession, I can't really see the characters with anyone else, unless we're talking about past relationships that didn't work out in the end for one reason or another.

(and in almost every fandom I've ever been on there's always been at least one OTP I couldn't see any differently no matter the circumstances)

I think it's a matter of chemistry, and in this case the chemistry between Arthur and Eames (99,9999999% thanks to JGL and TH) is so off the charts and so much higher than with anyone else that I can think of little else when it concerns these 2.

I do love some good misunderstandings a la 'Eames thinks Arthur is in love with Cobb/is infatuated with Ariadne', if it's written right, but that's it. And I honestly think that kind of specific jealousy would only work in that direction, not because Arthur isn't jealous but because they are different people.

Arthur is one who latches on to people and is the most loyal protective motherfucker around, so it makes sense on some level and in certain circumstances, that Eames would get jealous of people who get close enough to him to get so much of his attention, even if it's absolutely not in a romantic capacity, because Eames wants all that focus constantly directed at himself (see all the pigtails pulling he does during inception). While Arthur mostly just wants Eames to grow a pair and commit to a real relationship (with him of course), because he's the type to keep his distance to protect himself and so he only has one-night-stands and brief meaningless flings, and the most recurrent one is Arthur himself, so there's really no one specific for Arthur to be jealous of.

On to platonic relationships, well they're all interesting, because they're all so complex characters. It would be cool to see if and how the team would interact with each other in the future. If Saito keeps their contact and occasionally calls them and offers them jobs and gets them out of trouble (just because he needs to protect his investments of course), and maybe with his help they build a (mostly) legal career for themselves (with the possibility to take independent jobs as long as they don't negatively impact his empire, because they get restless otherwise). If Ariadne actually stays in the dreamshare world or not, and in that case if she teams up with Arthur and Eames or if she'll mostly fly independently. If Yusuf will ever get the chance to redeem himself in their eyes (I really hope so because their dynamic would be absolutely delightfully hilarious from what little we saw, and yes he was a bastard, but they all are on a certain level).

Mostly though, I'm very curious to see the dynamics both Eames and Arthur had with the people they already knew, because as much as I enjoy thinking about the future, there's something about exploring previous dynamics, how and why we've come to this point, that just fascinates me to no end.

I want to know everything about Arthur's friendship with Mal (actually I'm curious about Mal as a person in general), and with Cobb too from before, because I like to think Cobb was a better friend to Arthur before he lost his wife and was forced on the run away from his kids and had only his dreams as therapy. I want to know how they met and who he met first and if he was so close to them to know their children too (of course he was, he was basically their younger brother and the kids call him uncle Art).

And I want to know the Cobbs' relationship with Eames too, if they knew each other at all (it seems a given) and what their dynamic was, and where Eames' antipathy for Cobb stems from, if it's just something that's always been there by instinct, or because of a sort of rivalry, or if something happened at some point between them, or if it's because of Arthur (how Cobb treats him or something).

I also want to know the nature of Eames' relationship with Yusuf, if they're just passing acquaitances or if they have a deeper friendship. Objectively I think it should be the former considering how little Eames reacted about his betryal compared to how he reacted to Cobb. But for Eames to suggest him for such a dangerous job he must have trusted him for real, so maybe they have some history, not really best friends but maybe Yusuf saved his ass at some point or something, or maybe it's just that he saw how competent he was and how careful and attentive with his 'patients'.

If hard-pressed though, I'd say the dyanmic I most wish to be able to see is Arthur&Mal. There's only one little sentence that hinted at some kind of relationship between them (she was lovely), but man, the way JGL delivers it and his pained expression really make you think there was a world and years of friendship, little interactions and kind gestures and supporting words and gossip and funny anecdotes and inside jokes, between them, and damn i want it all.

[acacia-may]

Thank you for the ask, now it's my turn 💘 Nozel x Vanessa from Black Clover? (I know, I'm biased^^') Elfman x Evergreen from Fairy Tail? Isogai x Meg from Assassination Classroom? Mustang x Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist? Sorry, might have went a bit overboard^^'

Hello there friend! Thank you so much for playing and for asking about such fun pairings! 💕 I don't think I've ever been asked anything about Assassination Classroom or Fullmetal Alchemist before so I am so excited for this ^^

(Warnings: I do talk about a Fullemetal Alchemist spoiler, but I tried to steer clear of spoilers when discussing the other pairings. I'm putting it all under the cut just to be safe though).

Nozel x Vanessa

I'm honestly kind of neutral to this ship. I don't have anything against it, but it's probably something I wouldn't have thought about if I wasn't asked about it or if it wasn't requested from me. Since they haven't interacted in the canon, it's hard for me to imagine what their dynamic would be like and how they would get together, so I wouldn't say it makes sense to me to me personally and it doesn't really compel me since I ship both Vanessa and Nozel more with other characters (and some friends' OCs) than with each other.

That said, I have read some really enjoyable fanfictions about them. Yours especially are really lovely and really helped me to see & understand this pairing so thank you so much for that and for sharing your passion for them. 💕I have always been really impressed by this pairing's fans who I have a lot of respect for. I've even written about them a little myself, but only on request since I don't think it's a dynamic I'd really write about much on my own just given my personal preferences and how I personally prefer to imagine and think about the characters. But that's just me and my personal opinions. I can definitely see the appeal of the ship and think it could be a fun pairing--it's just not my personal favorite.

Elfman x Evergreen

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH! They're without a doubt in my top 3 favorite ships in Fairy Tail, and I was so excited every single time they appeared and interacted with each other. Their banter is just glorious. I have rambled about them in the past, so I apologize for repeating myself but these two are just that perfect balance between hilarious and adorable, in my opinion. On a certain level they both have such big personalities that are so wildly different from each other that it's almost goofy to think of them actually working out in relationship, but they complement each other so perfectly and have such a strong foundation of trust and mutual respect which I honestly wasn't expecting at first but was wonderful and delightful. I think the story does such a good job of showing us that they protect each other, sacrifice for each other, and want the best for each other, and ultimately they care about each other deeply, even if they don't always show it, so I do feel like they make a lot of sense as a pairing and, needless to say, I find it extremely compelling.

Isogai x Meg

I'll be honest and tell you that it has been quite a few years since I have read Assassination Classroom and seen the anime, and I forgot about these characters and this pairing and had to google it 😅 (I'm so sorry 🙈). As soon as I saw them though, I had this visceral, squealy "Oh my gosh! It's THEM!!" reaction and remembered being very invested in their relationship. Friends to lovers is probably my favorite ship trope, and (from what I remember) Isogai and Meg work so well together and have so much genuine admiration and respect for each other. Also there is just something so special and so compelling about inter-student-governmental relationships to me (A/N: Total tangent here but I think it goes back to one of my favorite childhood cartoons where there's an episode where these friends were pitted against each other in this really intense campaign to become class president, and (spoilers but) she won by one vote, specifically him voting for her because she had actual principles and ideas for improving the school but he just wanted to win. And oh my gosh I ship that to this day, and I think it has given me this intense affinity for these inter-student governmental relationships. Don't even get me started about my favorite pairings from Fruits Basket and Kaguya-Sama Love Is War that fit in this category. I just really, really, really enjoy this trope). Anyways...my goodness they are so cute! All it took was a short scroll through google images and a brief readthrough of their pages on the wiki to make me remember how much I really adored these two and their dynamic and relationship. I can vividly remember being so excited in the Valentine's Day episode when she gave him that chocolate. ^^

I think Isogai and Meg are really strong characters on their own also, which I really like and appreciate. Isogai is so hardworking, caring, and sincere, and Meg is so strong but so kind as well. And it's so lovely to see the two of them coming together and combining their strengths to become real leaders in their class and build each other and the other characters up. In summary, yes I think this pairing makes a lot of sense, and it definitely compels me personally. Thank you so much for reminding me about them and how much I loved them! 💖 I really want to rewatch Assassination Classroom now...

Roy Mustang x Riza Hawkeye

I may have actually squealed when I saw that you had asked about this pairing because my gosh I have no words for how invested I am in this relationship. If I felt I could write either of them and their dynamic with any semblance of justice, I would probably be writing fics about them non-stop, but I have never trusted myself to be able to do that, so they just live rent-free in my mind in incredibly convoluted scenarios about how they would somehow repeal or circumvent the non-fraternization law in order to get married (A/N: my favorite theory is that they throw another inter-military couple under the bus and use them as the poster-children of repealing the law, turning their wedding into an international spectacle before ultimately taking advantage of the repeal of the law to quietly marry themselves...but I digress).

Anyways, I don't even know what I can possibly say about this ship. Their bond with each other is so deep and so strong that even if they never get together in a romantic sense (which I would honestly be okay with as long as they just always stay together in a platonic sense. I don't need them to kiss...though that would nice...), I honestly just can't imagine either of them with anyone else romantically (which is very rare for me to say about a pairing since I tend to multi-ship). They are one of my favorite parts of the series every time I reread the manga or watch Brotherhood and that scene in the Third Laboratory where Riza thinks he is dead and just sort of breaks, gets me every single time. Even when I know it's coming, I still get so emotional about it. Her devotion and loyalty to him is unbelievable but so compelling, and the best part is that he is equally as devoted and loyal to her as well.

I can't fault this pairing at all. I think they're perfect for each other, and I'm so excited I got to ramble about them a little bit so thank you so much for that (also this my sister's ultimate OTP of all time and I can't wait to teasingly brag to her that someone actually wrote into my blog to ask me to talk about them lol). ^^