#I don't wanna kill myself anymore

[lightningfilledsaber]

I'm just so fucking glad to be alive

[grey-has-rusted]

what they don't tell you about life is that it's hard. woe is me

[tardis--dreams]

You know what? I give up on this paper once and for all. I'm not even ashamed anymore

[rejoiceandcomplain]

.

[shesalewa]

My Roman Empire is 14yro me joking about committing suicide before my mom died because I was too scared to hear or learn about her death, and my mother's response to that was

"Stop saying that. You know the only worst thing that can happen to a parent is their children dying before them."

I still think about that whenever I joke about killing myself.

[sga-owns-my-soul]

haha ignore this i need to vent

i'm so fucking done i'm so fucking mad at everyone i'm pissed at my cousin for fucking me over i'm pissed at my clients for being fucking idiots i'm pissed at my city for NEVER HAVING WORKING FUCKING TRANSIT i'm not okay i'm so not fucking okay and i don't even have my fucking headphones bc they fell out of my jacket in my cousins STUPID FUCKING CAR THAT I BASICALLY PAY FOR BUT GOD FORBID SHE DRIVE ME HOME so now i get to spend over 2 hours (after i've spent 3 hours on transit/waiting for her this morning) on public transit to get home WITHOUT my music and my clothes are ruined with cat hair from my clients today so that's fucking great and OF COURSE everything in the fucking city is delayed bc WHY WOULD WE MAKE ANYTHING EASY FOR ME NO ITS FINE ILL JUST FUCKING SUFFER TO MAKE THINGA EASY FOR EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE GODFORBID I GET TO CATCH A FUCKING BREAK

[illdothehotvoice]

Actually no on the topic this kid sucked regardless but DUDE. THE PAPYRUS ENDING??? That's so fucking cruel dshgjkfh 😭. I'm the Papyrus guy why would you spoil the Papyrus ending for me dshjgkfdh.

[chuu-huahua]

hi guys have some RANDOM SOUKOKU HEADCANNONS because i’m procrastinating my holiday homework lol (like i genuinely can’t bring myself to do it so i’ll just uh, cram it all before school actually starts)

contrary to popular belief, dazai is actually the good cook between the two of them :) chuuya burned down the entire kitchen once when he tried to make rice, so dazai removed his kitchen-entering privileges. dazai can actually cook well, he just enjoys seeing the shocked/scared faces of the people he serves his food to when he makes it nasty

dazai replaced their couch with a foldable couch bed because whenever he makes chuuya mad, he gets sent to sleep on the couch, and their old one was uncomfortable and not big enough for his lanky ass legs

chuuya once thought dazai was a burglar when he was drunk and smacked him in the face with a frying pan, which broke dazai’s nose. he (chuuya) cried while apologising when he sobered up

they have movie marathon nights, except they speedrun movies separately and fight to see how many more movies they can watch than the other before the clock strikes 7:00am and dazai has to go to work

when dazai did the “that’s what i love about you!” thing to chuuya when they were younger, chuuya actually wanted to punch dazai because he was so flustered. he actually went back to his room to punch his pillow and scream into it about how much he liked dazai back and how he messed up his response

chuuya likes it when dazai drives, because it’s so adrenaline inducing and it’s funny to see the looks on civilian’s faces when they speed pass them and almost crash into the lamp post

dazai’s home wallpaper is a picture of chuuya drooling in his sleep, and chuuya’s one is of dazai screaming and running away from a dog

i feel like they would both be really good at styling hair and doing makeup from kouyou’s lessons and all the infiltration missions they have to go on... although, i can picture chuuya trying to pry a bite of lipstick out of dazai’s mouth because he read the contents and tried to commit suicide by eating it lol

they have a built in wine cellar in their house (inspo from my aunt’s house lol. she has a fucking wine cellar in there stock full of expensive alcohol and there’s even a catalogue) and it’s super super cold. they have two silly fuzzy pairs of slippers, one is crab designed and the other is slug designed lol

yes ig that’s all for now :D

[burningcomputerpersona]

I CAN'T BELIEVE BELMONT RELEASED A NEW BANGER AND NONE OF Y'ALL THOUGHT TO TELL ME ABOUT IT

[bury-me-alive]

I should have never started working, I should have checked myself into a psychiatric hospital

[colourfullanguages]

if you use chatgpt for your assignments, don't talk to me, talk to my 🖐🏼

[arcaneyouth]

yknow maybe i should've been addressing my problems with my own art months ago

[sensitivegoblin]

The depression is really really really bad so I'm sorry if I super ghost y'all

I'm just having a hard time wanting to do anything but rot in bed

[xinheartswakeex]

Every time I see myself smiling in photos.. I just wanna punch myself in the face.

[glitchlight]

I am straight up not having a good time right now lol

[hussyknee]

I screamed at Mum and told her she was a curse on us all and I wish she'd die.

I feel so horrible about it. And so depressed that I feel horrible about it. The woman is an abusive witch that made our lives living hell. Why do I have to struggle with this sick feeling at the pit of my stomach because I used the switch in power between us to bully her back? How is that fair?

But all I remember is how she looked so small and weak and unhappy, unable to even sit up on her own, in pain but refusing to take her meds because she was so miserable from the nausea, reflux, constipation, dry throat and cracked and peeling lips. How she cried when I screamed at her that she had done this to herself, that I wouldn't take her to hospital again if she started dying from refusing her medication, and my life would be so much better if she did. How my sister, who had been commiserating with me about her all this time, shoved me out of the room and slammed the door in my face.

Today my sister got the news that her husband has suffered a minor stroke too– intracranial hemorrhage. He's in his 30s, so no idea why. Says his head never stops aching. This means that, after a month of her running interference with Mum so I didn't have to, she's now back with her in-laws.

I'm really tired and nauseous and having a flare. I think I may have had one for some time but was too out of it to notice till now. But my fuckin OCD brain insists it's karmic justice for having Done Something Wrong by being the same kind of power-tripping, unempathetic bully as my parents.

Badly want to reach out to a friend but I don't have spoons to figure out the appropriate responses to people trying to make me feel better. I feel exhausted whenever they ask how I'm doing as it is. I'm not doing well and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Their cat pictures just remind me I'm failing to look after mine, and their dog pictures remind me I haven't been able to visit mine at my ex's in over a month. I went to buy groceries and meds last evening and I'm still wiped, so getting out of the house is also off the table. Nothing helps, I'm sick of whinging, and I don't know when any of this will change.