#I dont wanna waste my time posting them again if no one cares

[keerahsturn]

I LOVE YOU🏹

-matt sturniolo

pairing- y/n and matt sturniolo

summary- Love is confusing. Especially when you think it’s one sided. She loves everything about him, thinking he loves others. Real love is painful and harsh, but it can also be as calming as a lullaby to a baby.

warnings- angst, mental health problems??

(y/n’s pov)

It’s killing me. Seeing him with other girls that is. He doesn’t know I like him, love him even, he wouldn’t care if he did know.

So, here I am, sat on a couch at a loud crowded party, watching as matt pulls another girl on his lap. They connect their lips and i tear my eyes away, my heart withering and a lump forming in my throat.

I felt sick to my stomach and i stand up swiftly, my legs shaking at the sudden movement.

A fast walk is my pace as i race out of the room, heading upstairs and into an unoccupied room. I search desperately for a window of some sorts and i find a balcony.

I open the balcony door and take a seat on the beanbag that sat in the corner of the platforms surface, sighing and trying to catch my breath, my lungs aching for air.

As i calm down, I feel someone’s presence. I stay looking ahead of me as a tear falls down my rosy cheek, red from the harsh cold air.

“Y/n? Hey. Come on now, whats up?”

It’s Matt.

I shake my head, not wanting to speak. Even if I had wanted to speak, my voice would have came out thick and cracking.

My breath hitches as i feel him touch my shoulder, and I see his face come into my view.

He had knelt down infront of me and held my shoulder to make sure i wasn’t going to look away.

“Dont cry sweetheart, you’re too pretty to cry” he says in a whisper, wiping my damp cheeks and tucking my hair behind my ears.

I look into his eyes and sniffle, my nose red and my eyes full of water.

“Hey Matt” i say, giving him a lighthearted smile. “Look-… I don’t want you to waste your time on me okay? Just go and have fun”

He shakes his head and pulls me into a hug, kissing the top of my head.

“I wouldn’t be wasting my time on you if I tried! You’re my best friend y/n” he says. I know that it was supposed to make me feel better but it made me feel even more shitty.

“I don’t wanna be your friend matt.” I whisper, avoiding eye contact.

He drops his hand from my face and looks at me in confusion, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes showing some shock

“What?” Matt asked, seeing my eyes avoiding his gaze.

“You know Matt… don’t play stupid, please?” I insist, standing up and leaning on the rail of the balcony.

He stays frozen in his place, but I can tell everything started to fall into place, he realises my feelings.

“Y/n-… no. Surely not, right? You dont like me” he laughs like it’s a joke, shaking his head again and pulling me to look at him

“Im sorry” i whisper, knowing that no answer i give him will suffice

He looks at me, an unrecognised emotion in his eyes, and scoffs

“Wow. Are you fucking serious? You couldn’t tell me? Y/n, we’ve been friends for years!” He says, his voice gradually getting louder

“I don’t want to be fucking friends matt! Dont you get that? I have tried to hint and hint to you, give you that little bit of information about what I’m actually feeling. You just shut me down!” I snap, frustration filling my veins.

He ignored the signs I gave him and now he’s angry at me for him not noticing?

“Well if you would have made them clearer then you would have known!” He screams back at me

“Known what?”

“Im in love with you!” He admits, coming close to me and catching his breath

When i don’t answer, he pulls me into a kiss. Love, sadness, joy, anxiety, all emotions that he feels, he puts it into this kiss.

When we pull away, we’re breathing heavier then we were after the screaming competition. I sigh and rest my forehead against his.

“I love you” is all my reply is, looking at him through my lashes

_

(Keerah speaks!)

This is so shit and short, don’t judge me.

I just wanted my first real post to be over and done with! Please leave suggestions on how to make things better and what you want me to do next🎀

[insomniac-shado]

HAI WELCOME <3

welcome to my blog !! I’m just here to have fun & be silly about my fav characters :3

Here’s some info ab me and the stuff I make !!

My names are:

- Nina/Nina Bomb

- Romeo

- Elliot

If you wanna come up with another name for me feel free to, I collect them like pokemon cardz lmao. I go by several other names but for the sake of keeping this short I’m just gonna say the main onez X3

My pronouns are:

- They/Them

- He/Him

I’m still not quite sure what my gender is. I feel varying degrees of masculinity from time to time, and the rest I mainly feel genderless. So I just say boyfluid bc it seems to fit how I feel best !

My interests are:

- Creepypasta (obviously lol)

- Minecraft/Story Mode

- Sky: Children of the Light

- Five Nights at Freddy’s

- Bendy and The Ink Machine

- House (by BarkBark games)

- The Hunger Games

- Demon Slayer (I haven’t finished yet so pls no spoilers!)

- Wings of Fire

I love talking about these things so PLEASEEE if you ever like want to talk ab them with me dont b afraid to ask !! Mainly Creepypasta and MCSM because those are my main interests currently :D

My fav characters are:

- Nina the Killer (Creepypasta)

- Ticci-Toby (Creepypasta)

- Clockwork (Creepypasta)

- Jane The Killer (Creepypasta)

- Lifeless Lucy (Creepypasta)

- Romeo the Admin (MCSM)

- Lukas (MCSM)

- The Valley Elders (Sky: COTL)

- Sammy Lawrence (BaTIM)

- Funtime Freddy (FNaF)

- Tabby (House)

I’m a massive simp for Toby, Romeo and Sammy I’ll admit.. cringe will ensue if you get me talking ab them

I’m not too big on shipping (except for a few) but my favorites are:

- Clockwork x Toby

- Toby x Nina

- Clockwork x Jane

- Romeo x Binta

I don’t generally care for a lot of other ships but I do enjoy a few more from time to time ! And if you want headcanons and stuff for other ships as long as it isn’t NSFW, proship, or disrespecting the character’s sexualities I’m perfectly fine with coming up w a few !!

Type of content I usually create:

- Art

- Edits

- Fanfiction (sometimes bc i barely post what i write-)

- Headcanons (I do take requests!!)

I post fairly inconsistently so i may be super active one minute and then drop off the face of the earth the next, sorry :,)

Rules/Boundaries:

- Please treat everyone with respect here.

- Be kind please.

- Tone tags are appreciated (especially for jokes and sarcasm) because I struggle with telling when someone is serious or not.

- I will not tolerate any bullying or harassment towards anyone. Instant block.

- Shipping wars have no place here, I’m not going to fight anyone about certain ships or pairings. It’s a waste of both of our time.

- Absolutely no nsfw content. It makes me uncomfortable. I will block. Light nsfw jokes are allowed as long as they aren’t directed towards myself or anyone, but nothing too graphic. This doesn’t include if you make some nsfw content on your own blog, I’m talking more about asks/comments/things like that.

- Please do not flirt with me (even jokingly) or make sexual comments towards me. Once again I will block.

DNI IF:

Homophobic, transphobic, racist, ableist, proshit, NSFW blogs, below 13 (I don’t really make content that’s innappropriate but my blog is staying strictly 13+)

THIN ICE:

If you’re 20+ (You can interact, but don’t try to befriend me. I just don’t feel comfortable being friends with people outside my age range)

GOOD TO GO:

Basically everyone else!! I don’t really care about much else other than that, I’ll be friends/talk with just about anyone. I’m not a very picky person and I’ll gladly interact as long as you’re nice :)

[yudgefudge]

My Eras Tour Fits, One For Each Era!

also pls bear with me on this, I am boring and dont rly know how to dress, so these may not be that cool

obligatory tagging the people who asked for it + swiftie mutuals: @dybalaispretty, @lonely-salamander, @rainingmbappe, @liverpool-enjoyer, @purefractals, @tam-is-blogging, @charlesluvr !!!!

General Swiftie Fit: I could only put 10 images in this post so I just wanted to describe my general swiftie concert outfit, which would be the iconic 22 outfit, except with full length sweats not tiny shorts because like. I do not have beautiful slender legs like Mrs. Swift.

Now, onto the Eras:

I just wanted to go for a simple country look. In Swiftiedom, green is the official color of debut, so I went for some supercute green cowboy boots and a simple cowboy outfit! Underneath the plaid shirt I'd imagine I'm wearing one of those "Who's Taylor Swift Anyways? Ew." shirts. I know that's from 22 but I don't care lol.

Yeah don't judge me. I would pull up with the notepad as well, I would write the chants on it cuz I don't like shouting. I wouldn't wear the hoodie unless it got super cold, but I still made sure the hoodie was on theme! Also I'm aware that's not the pajama bottoms she wore in the vid, I wanted them to be fearless-colored (golden yellow)!

Since I couldn't wear the iconic Speak Now dress (way too impractical to wear to a concert LOL) so I went for like, a groom's look? I just realized I forgot to put trousers in this. Well they would be a dark purple, much darker than the shirt, almost black. I went for white gloves because it just gives me bridal vibes idk? Like a groomsman. This fit would look perfect beside the Speak Now dress, which is what I was going for.

Yeah I won't waste y'all's time. I would wear that exact fit. It is the best costume I've ever seen. I just wouldn't wear leggings like she does because once again I don't have legs for days.

I wanted something that would BLIND ANYONE WHO LOOKED AT ME!! BECAUSE THAT'S THE VIBES OF 1989!!! Keep dancing and don't let ANYONE tell you you're too much! Be goofy and silly who gives an F!!!

Yeah don't judge me. Reputation is my favorite album. I would 100% go ham and go full bad boy biker with this one! The shirt says "and in the death of her reputation, she felt truly alive" which is the quote I live by. I think I would slay this fit. Too bad I have zero (0) money.

This isn't exactly what I'd wear. 1) the shirt would have even BOLDER colors. As well as the jacket. This is basically a You Need To Calm Down fit... I love that song so much it makes me wanna dance. Also, my jacket would say "The Man" on the back. I would also do that lover makeup thing with the eye heart.

"who brings headphones to a concert" well DUH i'm not wearing them. Sometimes we sacrifice logic for the sake of the serve! Also, my stuffed husky, Dustin, is part of this fit, but I can't get a good enough pic of him. Just know he is part of this, I wanted this to give "I'm still in bed" vibes, cuz that's what folklore is to me as an album? Idk, it just gives me that, "I wrote this while nestled under the covers" feel.

This is just meant to replicate what Taylor already wears on the album cover. Also, I would have a champagne glass.

And last but DEFINITELY not the least, my Midnights fit! I also designed this as a general Eras fit, because tbh the Eras aesthetic is kind of the Midnights one too, if that makes sensee? I wanted this one to give the vibes of that You're Losing Me line, "I'm the best thing at this party, I wouldn't marry me either". Clearly stylish, but meant to be in the back of the party, not the center.

[themolldollincident]

Pinned post

check out my tip button in my bio!! if my content makes you feel good, feel free to send me moneys!

Hi, I'm Molly (it/its)! I'm a faggy nonbinary mad transsexual circus arts performer in the Amerikkkan South! After a Lifelong Period of Mental Illness (loving), I've crawled back into the sun again and I'm here to let you watch me grow (in more ways then one, wink wonk). It's been my dream since i was 8 years old to do sex work and circus gigs full time so even though im not super confident in my virtual skills just yet, it's time I learned how to shoot a good photo and how to light things, and what better way to learn than to do it badly, weird, and scared?

I've claimed an entity to feed in the hopes that it feeds me back once it's gotten its strength up. It's hard to maintain a worship in these times but i think its going to be worth it.

Original posts tagged "thespectaclexx" (same as in the tags of this post).

You can call me Molly, thing, toy, doll, creature, slut, whore, good girl, good boy, or cutie or anything that's equal parts delight and filth. It/its pronouns. If you wanna send fun asks and you care, my fave anatomy terms for myself are pussy, clit, dick, cock, and cunt. I don't have tits anymore but i wouldve kept the old ones if they'd let me downsize instead of excise lol, so you can talk about my tits - just make 'em whatever size u want, lol.

I'm into a lot of kinks, and I'll be writing some dark stuff here and there. It is all fantasy, not connected to my actual morals in real-life situations. It's just playing around with power-dynamics and social structures and gender and our bodies in a safe space. If you like it you like it, and if you dont, no need to fuss, just head on out to better places for you!

Shit I am extremely not into and will not write for (this is not a dni list, but I just personally do not enjoy these and won't write them) : age-play, bathroom play, race play, feederism, teacher/student. Again, NOT a dni list, i just am not into any of that and you won't see it on my blog, don't waste your own time requesting any of these.

Feel free to send asks with requests for certain scenes!

[art-o-bart-o]

"Thats a child" actually, that's a fictional character. If you'd like to point me in the direction of any real children being harmed, maybe we could focus our energy on that?

Note: I just want to say, for the sake of other people, me, and anon, I do not condone doxing, death threats, or harrassment in anyway. I try and make everything civil as possible especially with opinions, because I try to avoid conflict. Please do not send any threats of any kind to anyone

Definitely I believe there are more things to worry about such as actually real children getting harmed in many ways and we should definitely focus on stuff like that.

But, in relation to fictional characters, it can still have an affect on some people even kids. There are many posts explaining this. I get affected too, even though I'm 19 atm.

Look, i know I cannot stop people from drawing that stuff, but I am just saying I don't like seeing it. I don't wanna interact with these kinds of posts either, but I was just expressing on my account because I'm not into ships like that.

Don't get me wrong again, I understand that real children should not be hurt or harmed, I completely understand. There are more worse things to be worrying about right now. Fictional ships are not as important.

But because we are talking about it I feel I can still say that it doesn't rub me right especially in fictional. I do not like seeing children getting harmed in anyway. Even if the ship is "healthy" or "historically accurate" (because as someone who loves history, there is a lot of those kinds of relationships - hell, even Disney too), the fact it's a child and an adult makes me uncomfortable.

I am sorry but I am not into ships like that. I apologize if maybe people thought I was open to this kind of stuff but I also feel I dont need to apologize for saying I don't like something that makes me uncomfortable. Yes I know, it's fictional, but I don't feel comfortable seeing it.

I don't want to interact with these kind of things because hey, why waste my time writing a whole paragraph when I can mute, block, or scroll.

I have experienced traumatic things when I was a child, including things that have happened to other children, in addition, being harassed for literally being Assyrian. I think I have every right to say what makes me uncomfortable.

I like SOME ships, but Cedric x Sofia is not one of them. Sorry.

I did not think I had to type all this but I want others to know, that this is MY opinion. I will not send death threats or dox anyone, because that just makes me a shit head and horrible. And I probably should've expected stuff like this was gonna happen cus well, tumblr and Twitter are full of it, and idk who is into what that follows me.

You can unfollow or block me, I do not care atp.

Sorry.

[golbrocklovely]

since i have nothing else to post right now…

here’s the last of colby’s tweets from 2020.

i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.

if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.

if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol

added bonus: if they have a * next to them, that means it’s been deleted

~~~~~~~~~~

Oct. 1 - love doing things for myself

Oct. 4 - i’m in so much pain. sos

fan: u ok?

poison oak. everywhere …. everywhere.

Oct. 5 - i like the simple things

Oct. 7 - less is more

Oct. 10 - i wanna make you happy

how am i so busy during the day but still manage to find 2 hours to mindlessly scroll through tik tok? i can’t be the only one

Oct. 14 - i care too much

Oct. 15 - somehow it wasn’t enough

Oct. 18 - fan: I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT COLBY SMELLED LIKE..I WANA KNOW WHAT COLOGNE HE WEARS

mayonnaise

(i hate this man so much lmao)

Oct. 19 - Justin Bieber’s new song made me tear up, that dudes been through so much. no one could even imagine what that’s like.. achieving everything and being in the biggest spotlight at such a young age.

Oct. 20 - @/samgolbach: less than 6 months ago i broke my back. and i decided to take that as a challenge to get healthy again. and today i ran the fastest mile i’ve ever run. so yes, i might be an idiot but i’m a determined idiot 🤘🏼🏃🏼

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 that’s an insane accomplishment ! i remember when it was a struggle to stand up out of bed

new day, same cycle

Oct. 21 - my mom is texting me all the young pictures of me and it’s bringing me memories i didn’t know i had

Oct. 25 - panic attacks late at night are the worst

Nov. 1 - @/colbybrockscar: reminder that it’s no nut November!!! @/ColbyBrock doesn’t even have to try. He’s got this shit in the bag. It probs comes out like baby powder if he tries

did my car just roast me ?

Nov. 4 - this is scary

cuties! all 3 of you! (reply to fan in merch with friend and cat)

Nov. 6 - @/GracynCarr: I can’t believe the audacity of a high school tweet to pop up on my timeline lmao.. miss u tho @/ColbyBrock :)

hope you're well xx

Nov. 8 - so much talent thank youu love (reply to fan's art)

fan: Um. So I tweeted this to you before but alot has also changed since then sooo wanted to say thank you 🖤 🖤 @/ColbyBrock

proud of you, and good luck with your dreams darlin 🖤 you can accomplish anything with the right mindset and hard work. i believe in ya

time flies, and i’m so scared of losing my youth. it’s inevitable i know, but damn makes you wanna cherish every moment you got

Nov. 11 - i hate when nothing is wrong but nothing feels right

Nov. 12 - the person who makes you forget about the rest of the world

Nov. 13 - today marks 6 years since we posted our first YT video on the MAIN S&C account .. 🖤 what a wild ride

Nov. 14 - promise you i’m a good waste of time

Nov. 15 - @/katstuartmusic: “sunday is my funday” - colby brock 2020

🥂💁🏻‍♂️💁🏻‍♂️

fan: Colby u get drunk off of one white claw

fight me

other fan: my money is on mags

round house kicks to the face don’t feel too good

(is it bad that i like when colby gets weirdly violent with us sksksks)

Nov. 16 - the Why Dont We dudes are some of the nicest people in LA

*Nov. 17 - @/gabytriana: It’s out! Sam and Colby were so much fun to work with, and despite what Colby said, I did not hate him when we first met! 😆 Both he and Sam are super kind, smart, generous entertainers who know how to tell a good story! I love them both!! Happy Book Birthday, @/samandcolby

hahaha thank youu so much for all the hard work ! so excited it’s finally here

(interestingly enough, colby didn't delete his tweet… gaby did)

Nov. 19 - went to a Pyschic Reader tonight. my mind is blown. im not a skeptic anymore, video coming tomorrow

fan: Get ready for religious people to freak out

the psychic i talked to was religious, i’m not sure how but i think the two concepts can exist at the same time

Nov. 21 - hard to trust

fan: @/ColbyBrock hey, i love u lots

love you 🖤

Nov. 23 - fan: imagine if @/ColbyBrock responded to this

could you imagine

Nov. 24 - fan: lmao okay so my friend put this together when I FINALLY received Colby's reaper merch yesterday and I had to laugh, I am actually stupid. But I thought it was a lil funny so y'all can see it too then xx

hahahha love it. thank you. you’re not a sack of potatoes in my eyes

Nov. 27 - happy b day @/SamGolbach you know this and imma save the sappy shit for your big 25th bday but i wouldn’t be here without you. you’re the most intelligent, deep thinking dude i’ve ever met and i feel pretty damn lucky to be able to call you a business partner AND best friend

Nov. 28 - take it easy

Nov. 30 - should i hop back on tik tok?

Dec. 2 - @/aaron_doh: At least I got a photo shoot out of it 😄

whaaat. dude i wish you a speedy recovery

Dec. 3 - it’s hard to move on

Dec. 5 - a nice escape is all i need

welp. i guess i’m a lightweight

Dec. 9 - miss you

Dec. 14 - all the baggage that comes with me

Dec. 15 - been workin hard for you , announcement tomorrow

fan: omg are you pregaganant

how'd you know

@/samandcolby: announcement tomorrow… 2021 will be the best year of our lives (and probably most difficult)

fan: are we getting married?? is that why?

yes

i hate how having anxiety makes me nauseous. it’s the worst feeling

Dec. 16 - it’s all about living in the moment and making every. second. count.

fan: yeah @/ColbyBrock how much are you charging for tattoos…

free for you

Dec. 18 - big tool pic but i’ve been workin hard

@/mannymua733: we absolutely do not mind

hahahaha

(god damn… this pic is still so good lol)

also cold weather always makes me want a special someone to spend time with. cuddle buddy is neeeeeded

fan: okay but can we just take a second to appreciate how hard colby’s been working in the gym because dayum

thank you sweeeetheart

fan: HELP COLBY IS TRENDING

yoo i love you guys 🥺

Dec. 20 - got tatted last night and i barely remember

how i feel this morning (pic of him floating)

fan: you’ve seen elf on the shelf… but have you seen cole in a hole? (@/ColbyBrock)

i’m mad i laughed at this

Dec. 23 - why’d ya have to change on me

so bittersweet saying goodbye to my childhood home of 18 years… i’ll only be back to kansas to visit and sleep in hotels from now on. strange feeling, but so happy for my mom and dad for taking a chance and moving

it’s like i don’t have a real “home” anymore. since i move so much anyways it’s hard to find a spot to actually call home

fan: i just want to say that colby has helped me through so much this year. i had a tough year as many others did but you’ve seriously have helped me through so much. i love you so so much @/ColbyBrock

awh that’s why i make videos in the first place. for people like you

Dec. 24 - addicted to you

my mom and i are the weirdest duo on the planet when we’re together i swear

fan: Make a video with her for Christmas

my whole family despises being on camera 💔

Dec. 25 - fan: momma brock is the sweetest ever

she’s my favorite woman in the world

Merry Christmas friends ! 🖤

i wish i could have face tats for like one week but it doesn’t really work like that huh

Dec. 26 - everyone’s battling their own demons

Dec. 28 - fan: Colby drinking wine but he's such a lightweight that he's probably drunk, lmao @/ColbyBrock

🤫🤫🤫

fan: the vibes are fucking ethereal i’m guessing @/ColbyBrock

you got it

[v-arbellanaris]

FAQ

about

vee, xhe/xer, 28. i don’t have twitter. i write, i read, i enable. big fan of villains, especially when they’re killing people and doing awful things. the more atrocities, the better.

before you ask a question...

I have a personal question about you that isn’t listed in your about

everything you need to know about me

Haha, very funny, no but seriously, I wanna know–

i don’t owe the internet any personal information about myself. you are not entitled to any piece of me that i don’t choose to share.

How can you like/dislike [fictional character]?!

they’re fictional

But THAT CHARACTER is evil and awful! Look at all the awful things they’ve done! Does this mean you condone their actions? / But THAT CHARACTER is so good! Look at all the amazing and morally upstanding things they’ve done! How can you not like them? / It’s hypocritical to like THAT character but hate THIS one because–

tbh all of this sounds like a you problem so good luck with that

Why do you have anon off?

because i can turn it off. the option to send me asks on anon is a privilege that i don’t always want to grant, especially when people take advantage of anonymity and use it to be abusive, invasive and entitled. 

When are you going to respond to my prompt? When are you going to update [x] fic?

my posting schedule 

I didn’t unfollow you but I’m not following you anymore. Did you softblock me?

nope. my blog was terminated briefly on 16 dec 2022 for having a vpn on while browsing on pc (don’t do that, apparently), which has messed with my follower count a bit. i don’t usually bother with softblocking these days, so feel free to follow me again if you want to!

tags of interest/writing

my da meta

other people’s da meta living in my head rent free 

wip wednesday

vee rewrites da (meta/references/info/worldbuilding work/character work i plan to incorporate into my personal canon)

byf

this is a fandom blog primarily, so real life politics may seep in occasionally but i don’t do my activism on tumblr.

if you’re checking this bc you’re worried i won’t wanna interact bc you like certain characters that i am critical of, this is my reassurance that i don’t really care unless you’re gonna be an asshole abt the characters i like.

this blog is also fairly bioware critical and anti chantry – it doesn’t necessarily mean i hate the series, or even that i hate specific characters, but i do engage w the content critically (and it’s all tagged with “#[character] critical”, “bioware critical” and “anti chantry” specifically), but if that doesn’t float your boat, feel free to skip this blog.

i WILL block for clowning on my posts. i also block because i hate the way you interpret canon or my favourite characters – and if you feel that way about me, i encourage you to do the same instead of wasting both of our times with anon. i use the block button liberally and generously and so should you <3

other info

minors interact at your own discretion. smts i forget to tag 18+ content

if ya need anythin tagged that i dont already just lmk – unless it’s the word queer. 

credits

tba

[randomscropio]

Vent because I need to get this out so that someone knows

Warning: vent, body insecureity (kinda), hating oneself, not getting help, feeling guilty over small things

If someone were to ask me if I'm fine I'd say, "I'm fine" even though I'm not.

I'm not fine.

At all.

I constantly worry if people actually like me and I worry that they won't be there when I need them most. I constantly fear that no one likes me, sometimes I stay up crying because I don't think anyone likes me and because I hate myself.

I hate how much I worry. I hate how the littlest things can be too much for me. I hate how much I hide and how much energy I put into masking my pain. I hate how I'm self conscious about my weight dispite me being a healthy weight. I hate when I was writing this I cried. I hate how much I procrastinate. I hate how much I deny that I need help.

I hate how I have so much dispite doing absolutely nothing, all I've ever done is existed and I've gotten so much, I have a loving family, friends, a house, clean clothes, food that I like, a good school, art supplies, I have things that some people could only wish to have and I have done nothing but be here and live.

I hate that. I hate how little I like to be touched. I hate how I can't tell anyone I actually know any of this. I hate how I can't stop crying when I start. I hate how I sound. I hate how people at school call me a "furry" whenever I draw dragons. I hate how I can't draw humans or hands properly. I hate how much I hide behind the mask I wear. I hate the fact that I have to mask my feelings. I hate how whenever I speak, no one hears me or listens to me and I feel like it's my fault somehow. I hate that part about me. I hate how I feel guilty over little things like forgetting to unload the dishwasher or feed the family dog. I hate how I still haven't told anyone.

And yet dispite all of this, I know someone out there has it so much worse so I don't reach out for help because I know that someone needs it more than me and I don't want to take that away from them. I hate that about me too.

I don't wanna die but at the same time I hate myself and sometimes I wonder if life would be better for everyone else if I was never born. I hate that too.

I hate how I can't tell anyone I know any of this because I'm scared that they'll do something that will put me in an uncomfortable situation or that they won't even care.

I hate how scarred I am about the future. I hate how lazy I am. I hate how all I do at home is sit in bed, take care of myself and look at my phone all day. I hate how little sleep I get. I hate how little effort it takes me to make something for other people to see and be happy about, but when i try to make something to vent with (like this) it's nearly impossible and takes so much time and effort. I hate how many things I hate about myself.

I have so much but I'm not happy. Why am I not happy? I want to be happy not sad, scared, angry, or lazy. I just want to be happy again. So why can't I be? Why can't I be happy, that's all I want at this point. I hate that part about me too. Why can't I love myself like how I act like I do? Why can't I love myself? Why can't I be happy? Why is it that I have to hate myself but at the same time not want to hurt myself or kill myself? Why am I like this? I always say I'm fine, so why can't I be fine? Why do I need to feel like this? I've felt like this for a while but don't want to get help because, again, I don't feel like I need it as much as someone else and I'm scared that if I do get help I'll automatically put the mask back on and just waste their time. I want help but at the same time I don't... why am I like this? Why can't I accept how I am and love myself for it?

Please dont comment anything mean, this is just me trying to get my feelings out and be heard, even if no one will listen or see this post, I just want to get how I feel out. Thank you for listening

[orionsangel86]

Following the release of the pilot of that bloody Winchester prequel yesterday, a lot of people have been excitedly posting interviews and articles on it and starting up the meta and spec again. I thought I'd be able to avoid seeing it on here but this is the SPN website so clearly that was a bad assumption.

Thing is, I genuinely believed I was okay. This year has been SO GOOD for me for healing the wounds that SPN carved into me. With OFMD, WWDITS, The Sandman, IWTV, and now Good Omens 2 news I have been happily existing in a little joy filled bubble everytime I come on Tumblr.

I just scrolled past a post which had screenshots of an article from Robbie Thompson on the Winchesters. I thought I'd read it out of curiosity. I shouldn't have.

It brought everything back. Talk of the Winchester brothers and how "theres no Dean if there aint no Sam" and how they arent changing a damn thing about SPN canon, and how we will find out where Dean is, with the writer speculating he's telling the story from heaven...

I don't know why, but it hurt.

It was like something had decided to prod really hard at the old SPN scars, the ones that never really healed right to begin with, and are still jagged and tender even after 7 months of solid healing thanks to only consuming media that actually respects me as a person.

I haven't felt that kind of pain since Jared Padalecki last opened the hole in his face to spew bullshit about how the finale from Hell was so perfect and right for the brothers *gags*.

It wasnt even a bad article, but it acknowledged things I had tried to erase from my head. God. Im so fucked up. That horrible show fucked me up so much. I wanted to just shut down tumblr and mentally check myself out for a bit and put on the Dreamcast on spotify or something, but I had to get this off my chest, even if people read this and think im fucking moronic for caring so much and wasting energy on this stupid show and why do I care right?

7 fucking years I devoted to that horseshit show. 7 fucking years I held it in my heart and adored it even though the whole time it clawed and carved at me and hated me because I wasnt the audience it wanted.

One little article and I feel like ive been triggered even though that word should be far too strong for something as stupid as getting emotional over a TV show. Im having a minor breakdown in my living room at 10pm on a Wednesday night in 2022 over fucking SPN.

I dont even know why im openly admitting this on the spn website when I know its gonna subject me to hate and a whole mass loss of followers but I had to get this out. I had to write it down. Its so difficult to express how this show makes me feel. I dont wanna be the one you all roll your eyes at and call a negative anti but I also don't understand how everyone else seems to have slipped so easily back into old habits.

I wanna scream at everyone not to be fooled. But I dont wanna stamp on other peoples joy either. So I guess I gotta remove myself from the equation here. Fool me once etc etc.

Im gonna have to unfollow some long term mutuals, especially those that arent tagging content. If you correctly tag every winchester related post and reblog then at least my filters will block them, but if they slip through im gonna have to unfollow. I cant be having 10pm meltdowns over SPN at this point in my life. Not when there is so much good stuff out there to be focusing on instead.

[nnjthndr]

I started watching dsmp in February of 2021. I never posted anything then bc of my social anxiety (and maybe that was for the best).

I watched the stuff before that. I watched so many streams Live the prison streams, egg saga, Wilburs revival, las nevadas, nearly every beeduo stream. I am not exageratting when I say I have probably spent like a thousand hours watching it.

The story of dsmp is weird. It's mc roleplay at it's best and worst at the same time somehow. It had so many good writing, banger lines, Cool stories, characters and concepts and yet it had unsatisfying endings, wasted potentials and an unnecessary amount of angst (a good ending isn't a bad thing ffs).

The problem with dsmp was, like any smp it completely depends on people playing the actual smp. And if they don't the smp simply dies. And dsmp was never something that could exceed a years time. Other smps that go on for a long time are more building and redstone focused (many of the dsmp members are not) or they have a wacky premise (dsmp does not)

The only reason people would log onto the Server was because 1) everybody was in quarantine 2) To roleplay

But then we could go outside again. And some of them didn't want to roleplay anymore. So they stopped logging on. And then some others followed suit. And slowly even people like foolish who streamed god knows how many fucking hours stopped. And so nobody was active anymore. Because what was the point of you being active if you're just gonna be alone in a fecking smp.

And so it died.

Or it should've died. Because unlike many smps that ended when people stopped playing it dsmp didn't. It could've. The story could've ended in so many different points before this and it would've been fine. But it didn't.

It kept going. It was like a suffering animal that needed to be put out of it's misery. But they kept it going.

They would do an event once like 5 months 10 people would join and nobody would log on again for another 5 months.

Lore streams would have 6 months between them.

They would say soon so many fucking times yet nothing would ever be soon, sometimes it would never happen.

Drm kept adding some new people which would get welcomed one day and the next day they were left alone (I feel really bad for those folks).

The very obvious miscommunication was so fucking irritating as it ruined a lot of peoples lore by them getting ignored or not being informed.

(The way some ccs ridiculed fans or even other ccs for liking or caring about lore was awful.)

And with all that I just wanted this smp to be put out of it's fucking misery (I wanted it especially for fans and ccs who gave a shit about this story)

I ended up dropping it at the end of 2021.

But the smp was dragged on and on and on...

And then there was the c!clingyduo ending. I did not watch the ending, dont plan on doing so ever. But from what I've seen other people say and from the recap I read. I can easily say: That the ending was BAD. I don't wanna go too indebt on it but what the genuine fuck was that message.

I am beyond dissapointed. I stopped caring about it long ago, my expectations were none but still, HOW can they fuck it up this BAD.

(Wilbur going to Utah is a better ending. HOW)

In the end I liked it and I hated it. (Some ccs are really cool and I really like their content beside the smp, follow them even now, some of them I would've rather I never knew them) Fandom was bizzare; one day I was having so much fun with the most creative and amazing fan content out there, one day I was questioning my own morality because of drama. It helped me through the pandemic as much as it damaged me mentally in ways. In the end though the positives outwayed the negatives, not by much, but today, I don't regret joining it (I think)

{Also The best and the only good part of that finale was when Jack Manifold said 'it's Manifolding time' and Manifolded all over the place}

These are a mere smidge of my thoughts. I have so many thoughts that I could write multiple essays of everything that I like and dislike about this smp. But honestly, what is the point.

AND FUCK SEASON 2

[061801]

This is basically part 2 of the last post. I’m so desperate to get rid of like everybody in my life right now because nobody in my life is really encouraging any upgrade. I feel so hypocritical saying that because if someone turned to me and said what do you have to offer to your friends then? I guess nothing either but I’m not trying to complain that they don’t really bring anything to my life I’m just trying to hangout with people who do. Now I’m starting to think maybe not get rid of these people but just back away from them which I have already done a lot. I’m just sick of people coked out at 4 am calling me WHAT ARE U DOING dawg I don’t live that life anymore. I do still drink and I drink a lot but I drink with one friend at home and I watch shows. And I still even find a problem with that but if I could compare it to wasting all my money at the bar, making pointless “friendships” with people who I have to ask “what’s ur name again? Haha my bad” 10 times throughout the night, doing drugs in the bathroom and then making a complete fucking joke of myself, and not even remembering it the next day, spending the whole day in the bathroom until it’s time to go to work and do it all over again…… I’d pick staying in my house.

Here’s what I struggle with tho… I know I can’t necessarily be mad at these people because I chose to go hangout with them. I chose to give in and associate with the activities they do. Nobody made me go do drugs in the bathroom, nobody made me get all weird and act out. And to expect anyone to be responsible for what I do is outrageous but I feel like as a friend you’d probably try to stop your friends from doing drugs and not asking them if they want some of it. I feel guilty that maybe I’m not taking full accountability. But I feel like I shouldn’t associate with people who are constantly in an environment where I can potentially go down that hole and every time I do hangout, I make those choices. They know I can’t behave and I can’t act right and they complain about it yet they still invite me out to do it all over again.

Another thing I struggle with is these same people say “we dont have to drink! We can do something sober”. I don’t even know who these people are sober. I don’t even know if I would like them or wanna be their friend sober because the whole time we hung out we just bonded over getting intoxicated. So hanging out feels like I’m chilling with a stranger and we have to act like we care about small talk with each other when sadly i know this is gunna come off bitchy but I don’t give a fuck. My mind is racing with shit like this whole post, my future, my past, my personality, my skills, how I can be better, and so on. It’s like I don’t have room in my mind to listen about someone else’s life that does not matter to me at all. I hate that I devalued friendship so much because it really does suck being lonely. But I see how fake the world is and I don’t see why I’d pretend to associate myself with it. Even I’m a little fake like when I have to lie about being busy when I don’t wanna go out, or telling a guy I don’t want a relationship when it’s just him. U get the point. Ok anyway I’m too tired and I’m gunna complain about the last thing when I wake up and I’m sure I’ll find more to complain about hehe

[slime-stew]

i hate how reblog icon just goes away so the only way i know if i have reboggef is the little 'like icon but this is not enough because sometimes i do not know if if have just liked it or i liked it last momth so i apoligize if i just reblogged the same shit you already saw. then again thats all anyone posts anymore its all just tumblr post of tiktoks of tweets of facebook posts that got reposted to reddit twice and the jpeg is so fried it becomed burnt . i am in so much pain and i cannot sleep so hopefully a stream of consciousness will stop my brain from yelling at me. i dont like how the joke of "there's too many standards so we should make our own standard that works with all if them". in some ways this is how i feel about conlangs and numbering systems cuz they're kinda cool but i can barely speak english so a useless language hurts me on a deeper level. it feels like a waste of brain for me to even comprehend. if you don't use a language to communicate then is it language? why not say theway to conjugate your past tense is to piss really loudly. go crazy. actually there is that hat one i think called kay fop b or whatever who cares we're gonna die at some point and i dont want my longest lasting contribution to society to be some joke hat language. actually what happened to hats. we went from like fedora trilby and it all lead yp to beanies and shit. even baseball cap feels like a dying breed. shit is so itchy i hate how it feel i do not understand how people wear hats. maybe thats it but theres still so many of u beanie people. i am not the person to ask for fashion advice i can barely find clothes to wear on a given day sometimes. i got hella fat and now i feel terrible about myself and my appearance and none of my clothes fit. i got so many garments that have negative stretch like if i even attempt to fit in this it will break. i just wanna wear an infinite clothiny that i dont have to care aboit. just like a big gray bodysuit that makes me imperceptible. granted even when i was less chubby i didnt want to be percieved either so maybe i just dont like how i look lmao. probably dysphoria in there somewhere who knows i just feel so tired and lazy i dont got shit and i have nothin to feel good about so i have just put up with feeling snd looking like human waste all the damb time . i think they should make a new flavor of powerade thats like coconut or coconut lime kinda like that drink from sonic the ocean water. if it was coconut you could make it just light blue cuz theres no cloudy light blue powerade and that would look good. like one of those fortnite drinks they have in the jars that looks kinda tasty. if you made it coconut lime it could be cloudy green like that terrible cucumber lime gatorade. the last time they made new flavors of powerade was like summer 2021 and those flavors are discontinued now. but they only made zero versions of them so im not surprised if they did poorly. also they never make cool names like. Glacier Freeze. thats the berry orange one. Cool Blue is literally just orange or blue curacao flavor. Arctic Blitz was supposed to be honeydew watermelon but it tasted so awful and i love both of those flavors. even just like Fierce Grape is a cooler name but its literally just grape or whatever. Sorry i meant

Grape whoa this shit is neat i'm so glad tumblr has actual text markup options like lets go i love strikethru its so handy i use it on discord all the time too. in a way it somehow both useful as a serious and as a joking indicator but in very obvious ways... probably because i start them with "but" or "except" or stuff like that. i love that i can just type into this box forever and nobody will ever see it and its all just for me yippee! but at least i have the option and unless someone loves stupid walls of text nobody will be forced to see it. gordon freeman big naturals. gorgonzola freeman. spinda pokemon wearing jorts. who up playin with they zeebo. what ever happened to that gon go gab galab guy wheres his revival bring that energy into 2011 fr. wish i was better at chess but i'm so scared of other people so i only play against my friends and the computer. i was in the middle of typin out all this shit amd i was informed that there is a limit to paragprah soze but if u hit enter its chill. it goes away so i made a newline on Grape because its funny to put that there. i think we should work on milking funnier animals. we already milk nuts and rhey dont even have udders but like whats kangaroo milk taste like. i bet its all churned up and creamy cuz they be hopping all the damn time. actually its probably bitter and shitty snd the only reason joeys drink it is because theyre too young and small and crap poopoo to know any better. its like kangaroo buttermilk or kangaroo soylent. reminds me of that angry slappy the squirrel she said something about buttermilk i barely remember animaniacs but it was a good show i had that shit on multiple dvds. i wanted to try that new soylent because it is my guilty pleasure that i want the future to be at least slightly cool about eating stupid foods and not dystopian. 🎁 i seriously cannot believe that someone has ever licked their elbow. it probably has piss on it. luigis mansion 3ds remake. its crazy how most of thr star fox games are either just the snes game again or are some weird shit like adventure or guard. in a way counter strike is the same cuz theres just the first game and then a remake and another remake and then there's a different game entirely that was supposed to be the single player but its a new game. and then there's cs go which was at launch kinda like the second remake but with new shit? like they named the guns correctly and u can play on a l4d map and thry replaced the tmp. but now cs2 is basically a csgo update even though its look like a new game but u play through the csgo launcher and u play on the same dust2. so theres like 3 games but somehow we sre on counterstrike 2. chicken enchilada. thatd a funny trick to play on god. i bet they got some crazy ass soup on mars.i gotta wait so long to see the mario movie. i bet you could jist randomly generate memes by putting hip hop vocals over kevin macleod instrumentals and people woild eat that shit up. my eyeballs are stsrting to hurt goodnight tumblr or is it good morning? ive been typing for so long i cant help it

edit: metal gear solid 2. its good but 3 is better and should have been the Action Game for the ps2 at the smithsonian that shit is rad

[raiiieny]

Was going through my notes and man the duality of my emotions over time :vvv

Gonna leave them here cause i dont wanna loose em *my phone has 0 space* lmao

I miss my lover

But when i saw him for the last time i knew he wasn’t the one i fell in love with. My lover was sweet to me.. cared about my feelings… but now he was just indifferent. His ego got him and he didn’t think twice to abandon me…honestly i knew that but i wanted to test him. I wanted him to prove me wrong.. yet…guess what..saw tinder in his phone and that also explains so many things.. i miss him being nice to me… making me feel wanted, loved… i miss our happy moments but i knw for sure he was not the one when i was deleting all the pics I honestly was doing him a favour. Remembering sad and not so great memories would help us get over each other but the happy ones? They’ll make us feel miserable. I dont have those pics but i have the memories. Which honestly led me to writing this.…*You*.. if you ever read this… trust me i loved you and a part of me idk still misses you..But you pushed me away. You are not mine anymore. A huge part of me wants to forgive you.. wants to see you happy wants to forget everything you did to me but i’d be betraying my self. Moving on isn’t easy especially when ik that my love meant nothing to you..

I feel like i lost someone important to me and honestly i miss you … but what about you? Do you miss me? Or do you feel that i am an horrible person?.. do you feel i harassed you? I was rude? Then what about the past 8 months? Was i not enough back then? if u feel like that.. hah… it further proves you never cared ..

You saw my tumblr posts of how hurt i was yet you didn’t even budge.. you let your ego win. But all these time I sacrificed mine. This one time i tested you. I hoped that you’ll come to me and say “bristy i am sorry please just wait for me a lil bit love i’ll fix this. We can fix this” . You never did. You pushed me away .. i just hope one day you’ll realise what you did. Why you lost me.. i just hope one day you’ll feel sorry for your actions.

Will that day ever come? Idk.. one day i will move on. I just hope i that dont make the same mistake twice. Love made me so vulnerable that i got hurt like this. You asked me that if my therapist said anything about my family….

She made me realise why i am like this. Why i crave for love and attention.. its cause of my inner child issues. I lacked emotional support as a child. That made me how i am today.. You made me feel heard that’s the reason i fell for you. And when you pushed me away stopped caring about me..thats the reason i started to fall outta love.. as simple as that.

Idk if we can ever be friends again.. maybe one day if we do acknowledge our mistakes maybe… dekha jak ki hoi

Note from 13th match 2023 ^

Note from 23rd march 2023 v

You dont have the right to say “i love you” or “i loved you” no . YOU DONT. You never loved me. If you did you wouldn’t have hurt me. You wouldn’t make me suffer. You wouldn’t neglect me cause people don’t neglect their loved ones. All you cared about your self and your ego. You give your self and your friends the bare minimum and you couldn’t even give that to me. You say i hurt you, i was rude to you and I harassed you. THINK AGAIN. YOU HURT ME FIRST. You made ME feel suffocated. For 7 freaking months. You WERE RUDE TO ME COUNTLESS TIMES when i just confronted you shutting my feelings i become the rude person?? Wow. I never let my ego win. I stayed. Told you to act right. But now that I finally stopped i became the new villain. Geeee great. YOU DONT DESERVE TO UTTER THE WORDS OF LOVE. You never did. you reap what you sow so dont play the innocent victim cause you are not. Im done babysitting you. It hurt me 1000 times more to leave you but

Why should i waste my time love care affection and suffer pain when the person doesn’t even give me the bare minimum. The respect? In the end you accused me of things you did. I knew you would do that someday but I wished i was wrong. You proved me right. You made me experience hell on earth. So you dont even deserve anything. You couldn’t even handle/ keep a person like me. So good luck being with someone and news flash you are the problem. Dont ever say that you loved me cause you never did. You loved feeling better because of me. You never loved me. Oh and plus you also cheated on me so YEAH

Before the year of 2023 i prayed so that i can make the right decision and allah removes people who are not good for me and my future. Well this outcome is the biggest evidence that my dua got accepted. Play the victim you narcissist. Cause thats who you are.

[fairykery]

WARNING ⚠️: I WILL TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT "MAY" TRIGGER YOU BECAUSE YOU "MAY" BE USED TO WHAT'S POPULAR SO THIS POST "MIGHT" MAKE YOU MAD. I'M HERE TO VENT & SHARE MY FRUSTRATIONS WITH PEOPLE THAT AGREE WITH ME AND ARE OPEN MINDED TO REASON, LOGIC, AND DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES. NOT HERE TO START A DEBATE. I DO NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION(consent). THIS IS MY POST. THIS POST IS MIXED WITH BOTH FACTS AND OPINIONS SO I DO NOT PLAN TO GET INTO ANY AGREE TO DISAGREE BACK AND FORTH ARGUMENTS. IT'S JUST A WASTE OF ENERGY(and time) SO SAVE YOURSELVES(and myself)THE TROUBLE. IF YOU WANT TO INFORM ME ON SOMETHING I MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN WRONG THEN FEEL FREE TO DO SO IN A POLITE MANNER WITH BACKED UP FACTS(SOURCES). I WILL CORRECT MYSELF IF THIS IS THE CASE. BUT AGAIN, I WILL NOT CONSENT TO BEING CORNERED INTO DEBATE(about opinions & perspectives). YOU EITHER AGREE OR YOU DONT. SO IF YOU DO LIKE COMMENT/REBLOG/LIKE THIS POST. IF YOU DON'T AGREE, THEN MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIVES. AND IF YOU FIND SOMETHING YOU JUST WISH TO INFORM ME ON THEN DO SO IN A POLITE MANNER. OTHERWISE, I WILL JUST DELETE YOUR COMMENTARY AND BLOCK YOU AND YOU WOULD HAVE WASTED YOUR TIME FOR NOTHING. ALSO, IF YOU BREAK THE RULES YOUR DAD(AND MOM) IS A HOE.

WARNING ⚠️ 2: SPOILERS AHEAD(MAKE SURE YOU ARE UP TO DATE WITH ALL THE RECENT PROJECTS).

I really do not like the fact that so many people are pretending that She-Hulk ended on a good note. It started off good and fun and interesting with its own unique aesthetic and then the writers gave us the finger by not trying anymore at "the end". Then they played the "not trying hard enough because of budget" as writing humor to excuse themselves for not giving a fuck. It's just so funny how all the budget suddenly goes away when it's about super heroines. Like there's always an excuse for not giving it their all when it comes to Marvel heroines. Or something always goes wrong in the Marvelverse/fandom when it comes to Marvel heroines.

Like with the She-hulk show it's just that they(the writers/producers)gave up towards the end. But also, why did they make her say "oh yeah I'm not into dating" just to have her mope about not being able to land a good one during the rest of the show. Like why??(Good for her that she landed Daredevil but I could care less about them. Personally, I don't think he's gonna stay there for long so this seemed like an awful choice for her either way). Regardless, it's mostly the reliance of satire and humor that pissed me off.

Peggy continuously gets embarrassed in her own show even though the writers have power over this. And she got so brutally killed in an alternative universe. Like WHY was THAT necessary? Couldn't even let her last as long a Captain America. No, because I bet that if it was Captain America in that fight it would have been longer, regardless of the fact that it was Steve vs Chaos Magic. The most important she's ever been in the MCU is as a LOVE interest. Like that's how her legacy focused on in the legacy clip from Disney plus. And it ended with her dancing with Steve! -_- I am not amused.

Captain Marvel hype was reduced because of misogynistic angry men and her movie was review bombed. And now Brie Larson herself is unsure if she's going to keep the role because of all the ANGRY man babies that have been harassing her and Marvel to fire her(the fact that's she's unsure means Marvel is considering firing her because of miso boys and I really wanna fuck them up for this).

Valkyrie was introduced as a drunk slaver. Does no one else feel uncomfortable that they chose to go this route and then not address it at all? Especially given the history of this country? She was also not given more background screentime on her FEMALE lover, like?? They also gave her masculine traits in the latest Thor Movie because for some reason you're not a boss bitch if you don't have "masculine traits"(*inserts sarcasm*)

Lady Thor was- Oh yeah, sorry. MIGHTY Thor. Because there's just something sooo awful about being a LADY(girl,)*sarcasm*. Anyways, she was ALSO a love interest and her ascension was handled in the wackiest most comical way possible. I'm not even going to get into how "Thor: Dark World" could have been the perfect movie to foreshadow her worthiness giving that she LITERALLY consumed a fucking INFINITY STONE. But, oh yeah. They were NEVER going to do THAT because the world was EVEN more sexist back then and women couldn't be heroes. That's why they had to make it All Thor's doing that she gets her powers. Oh and she's ALSO NOW dead. (Regardless of the fact that this happens in the comics they had the power to go a different route just like they have always done).

Natasha(first MCU heroine)was killed right after she was used as a fanservice boob trampoline for male characters (and fans) for a man. Girly didn't even get no funeral in the movie she died in. They just threw a bench and moved on. It wasn't JUST Iron Man that saved the world. She also gave her life for the universe.

In "Ant Man and the Wasp" Scott Lang(the man) still had WAY more screen time. This movie was supposed to be about them BOTH. Yet somehow the screentime was not equally divided AT ALL.

Gamora was used as Thanos(her literal genocidal-groomer/abuser) bait and her death was glamorized into a "feeling for Thanos" moment within the universe and in the fandom.

Mantis was reduced to a joke during the entire franchise despite her power. Also sad the the first Asian superheroine cast in the MCU was presented as, they made her call herself (or they called her), "a bug/pet". Because like WTF? They also made Drac say that she was ugly and disgusting. AGAIN, WHY was THAT necessary??!!

Kate Bishop was reduced to only being a fan girl. And her darker aspects weren't as highlighted. (They were highlighted but not as much as I would have liked. Most of time her character came off a bit satirical. They were trying to turn her into Yelena; but for some reason it just didn't work with Kate).

Ms Marvel was fun but was given an unnecessary male harem. Because why? I'm glad it wasn't the drive; but at the same time it lacked more. This show had so much potential and it also focused on the most satirical aspects of it. (Don't be get me wrong I still like it but it had potential to be SOO much more).

I know y'all are already over America Chavez cause of the actress and all(she's cute and nice and whatever);but can we please not stop addressing the fact that this role belonged to an afro-latina and NOT an indigenous latina?

Photon could've gotten her own series or movie but they chose to give her powers by making her receive them from a white women's magic. Like isn't she suppose to be as strong as Captain Marvel? Space magic/extra dimensional energy. It was exposure to space chemicals/magic. Why couldn't the next step for her be having a solo project or her learning to use her powers and NOT be a supporting character for another white female project? Why!?

Wanda got the most basic villain origin story they could possibly give a women. "She was mother". Couldn't they do something more iconic like "Oh no! The mind stone gave her dark/chaos magic a mind of its own and now her powers are overtaking her in a time of grieving". But nope. Marvel went like: "When women are grieving and they have power, they become emotional chaotic monsters." Someone's been watching game of thrones *rolls eyes and grieves for Daenerys*. Now we don't even know if they will redeem her.

Iron heart is cool by why not wait to present her? There's been so many Iron Man now and there's more to come. Because of this, the concept of the iron suit is starting to become boring and overused. But I honestly feel like they knew this and THUS why they chose to go this route. It seemed like a lazy compensation for white washing America Chavez.

Shuri was honestly the most badass; but now she's(Letitia) also getting hate mobbed by the same sickos that hate mobbed Brie Larson. JUST because they didn't recast Tchalla and they gave the Black Panther mantle to a women. We don't even know how long she's going to be BP because that role will be taken from her(little Tchalla age up) just as they took away the fact that she was presented as a character smarter than Tony Stark. Now they had her say she learned everything from a man, and they made a man king to not piss off the males that were angry about Letitia taking the throne and black panther mantle(that they are also going to take away BTW).

I'm sorry; but I am pissed and been pissed at all these decisions Marvel has been making when it comes to the heroines. I AM hopeful for the future(and this is only because of the Christmas special when they gave Mantis a little bit more relevance and personality. And well there's also the future upcoming projects);

BUT just--it's been one hell of a wacky ride. I will try to remain positive given the upcoming projects; but it has been really frustrating to me how the fandom doesn't address the misogyny (and misogynoir). Not addressing it is only going to leave things as they are and we will not see Improvements. I'm just tired. I love my marvel heroines and I don't want them to be treated a jokes, to be treated with subtle racism, to have their projects not taken seriously, and to just be mistreated in general by the creators and male fanbase. We need to address when they fuck up. I know many people are scared and pretend to like some projects because they think negative feedback is going to make them say "FINE! No more heroines it is"!. Ladies(and good People), I promise you, Disney is too greedy to lose their female audience. So THAT will never happen; but you know what will keep happening? Disrespect. That will only keep happening if you gas up the writers and creators for doing the BARE minimum as they keep disrespecting our girls. And I am NOT for THAT.

[grapesodatozier]

so close to the real thing (closer than you think)

rating: explicit

word count: 6.8k

summary: Eddie's been pining over Richie for as long as he can remember. He loves everything about Richie; especially how much Richie loves touching him. It's a little inconvenient, though. Eddie copes with his pent up sexual tension by constantly checking a porn blog he's obsessed with on tumblr. This guy has the same type of body as Richie, he talks like Richie, his name is even Richie! It makes it all too easy for Eddie to pretend it really is Richie while getting himself off to all of the blog's content.

You'll never guess what he finds out when he starts sexting this stranger named Richie from his anonymous porn blog.

tags: friends to lovers, porn with feelings, love confessions, dom/sub dynamics, bi dom top richie, gay sub bottom eddie, the most oblivious pining idiots in the world lol we love them

notes: this is one of my more ridiculous ideas but I had so much fun with it lol. also as a note you probably should not approach people on the internet the way they do in this fic, but they're just v enthusiastic and everything here is v consensual!! still tho definitely don't take this indulgent fic as a guide on how to approach real people online lmao. okay have fun!!

read on ao3 or below!!

notsfw under the cut

Eddie Kaspbrak’s friends were his entire world; time spent with them meant everything to him. But he also really valued his alone time. He’d always been the sort who needed time to just sit on a grassy hill and watch the trains go by, to catch up on comics in his room, to get lost in Netflix shows or even just his thoughts as he moseyed around his apartment—one he live in by himself, for when these moods hit. He needed time to himself to unwind. And sometimes he unwound by scrolling through some porn blogs on tumblr with his hand in his pants.

There was one blog that he was particularly fond of. There were other blogs more catered to his personal interests, namely blogs that didn’t feature women like this one did. But there was a good balance of genders represented, so Eddie figured he could just scroll past those posts. This guy was worth it. His pictures were ridiculously hot, and his dirty talk was even hotter.

Also, his name was Richie. Which Eddie refused to acknowledge as part of the draw.

It was harder to ignore tonight. He’d been out with the losers, and Richie had just been so touchy. And there was something about the way he'd been talking; his voice was lower than normal, slower in a way that made Eddie’s stomach flip. And his touches had lingered, his hand squeezing Eddie’s hip slow, then lazily brushing against his ass as he dropped it. Eddie could hardly take it. He brushed it off as Richie just being tired from work, but god, Eddie wanted it to mean more. The hardest part was hiding how much he wanted Richie to keep doing it.

There were so many things Eddie wanted Richie to do to him. He wanted Richie to touch him harder, to grab him by his hips with both hands. Richie’s hands were so big; Eddie just knew Richie could manhandle him so easily, so roughly. He wanted to know what it would feel like to have Richie’s hands all over him, grabbing at his ass and his thighs, holding his wrists down, making him feel so small. While Eddie would never admit it, huffing at every short joke Richie made, but he loved being shorter than Richie. He loved how safe he felt when Richie held him. And he was dying to know how small he would feel with Richie looming above him, or sitting in Richie’s lap, bouncing on his cock. He wanted to hear Richie talking to him in that low, slow voice, with that condescension Eddie did his best to pretend not to be affected by. He wanted Richie to whisper in his ear and call him all those pretty names he always dropped so casually, all those sweet ones and also ones that were a lot meaner. He wanted Richie to want him.

But it was easier to think about it than to ask for it. He knew Richie had way more experience than him. Well, okay, maybe not way more necessarily, but they were starting their third year of college, and he hadn’t wasted any time. Eddie, on the other hand, hadn’t done anything more than hand stuff with someone else. The guys he’d hooked up with were nice enough, and hot enough, but they just… weren’t Richie.

He supposed this guy on tumblr wasn’t Richie either, but at least he was everything else Eddie wanted. None of his hookups had been so, well, dominant, and that was this guy’s whole thing. He was dominant and a top and into guys that looked like Eddie. He even kind of talked like Richie, and he was apparently pining over his best friend, just like Eddie was. It had him completely smitten. Plus, internet-Richie’s crush had brown eyes like Eddie, and he ran track, just like Eddie did. Internet-Richie had posted once about his dick getting hard watching his friend at his track meet, and Eddie had come so hard that night, his track shorts around his ankles, imagining his Richie thinking those things about him.

Eddie was in bed now, in nothing but his boxers and one of Richie’s old shirts that had been Eddie’s for a while now. Still reeling from the way Richie had been acting that night, he logged into his porn account on his phone and scrolled through his dash for a grand total of thirty seconds before going immediately to internet-Richie’s blog. A thrill went through Eddie’s body when he saw that he had just posted. He’d written, “god my friends gonna fuckn kill me with that ass, i wanna plow him so bad” then reblogged it and added, “reminder that my asks and dms are always open if any pretty needy little subs need help getting off. please come be sluts in my messages.” Eddie’s breath caught in his throat when he saw that there was a picture, too, one of him gripping his hard cock, his boxers pulled down just enough for Eddie to see the dark hair around the base of his cock. Eddie moaned at the sight. His cock was so nice, so long and thick and pink. And fuck, his fingers. They were so long and slim, almost as nice as his-Richie’s.

Eddie scrolled a little farther down, his heart racing. There were a lot of reblogs, but some original posts here and there, things like, “what i wouldn’t do to have a pretty guy drooling all over my cock rn,” and, “in the mood to get someone dick drunk. wanna fuck a someone so hard they forget their own name.” One that made Eddie nearly choke said, “want someone i can pump my come into whenever i want, over and over again. want a sub i can keep full of my come all the fuckn time.” That post had Eddie getting out his lube.

It also had him thinking about internet-Richie’s most recent post, his post about his DMs being open.

Eddie bit his lip and thought about it. He’d sent internet-Richie some asks before from his porn blog (his blog didn’t have his name on it, just the teddy bear emoji, since he privately thought the teddy/Eddie rhyme was fun and clever, and also it was cute), and he’d seemed plenty happy enough to respond then. Still, it felt like a much bigger step to DM him, to talk to him just one on one. But the more he read his posts, the more he thought about his-Richie and how he’d touched Eddie that night, the easier it was to convince himself to shoot his shot with this stranger.

Eddie just messaged him a simple, “hi,” with a heart emoji. It was innocent enough, but his heart was still racing.

Internet-Richie responded a lot faster than Eddie was expecting. Honestly he hadn’t been expecting a response at all. But he said:

hiya cutie (; ive been hoping youd message me

Eddie flushed. He couldn’t help but hear cutie in his-Richie’s voice—especially given how often Richie used the nickname. really? he typed back.

fuck yes, ur cute little messages make me so hard. i can tell ur a pretty little thing just from the way you type

Eddie was blushing deep. Pretty little thing. That was hotter than it should’ve been. He wanted his Richie to talk to him like that, in that deep, sleepy voice.

there’s no way you can tell that from some messages :P, Eddie sent.

His heart stopped at the next messages internet-Richie sent.

oh, u dont think so?

why dont u send me some pics to prove me wrong (;

Oh my god, Eddie thought, his breath coming short. His head swam at the thought of sending this guy nudes, of showing himself off to someone who clearly wanted to see him, who would know how to take care of him and fuck him the way he liked, a guy with his crush’s fucking name and body type and hands. It had Eddie’s cock hard and leaking, and he slowly slid a finger inside of himself.

But just because the thought turned him on didn’t mean he was gonna send this stranger what he wanted so easily, even if he desperately wanted to.

you’d like that, wouldn’t you?

He fingered himself open as he waited for a response, working his way up to two fingers. It was nearly impossible to ignore his cock, but he didn’t want to come before the conversation even had a chance to start.

fuck ya i would, internet-Richie responded. Then, in a second message, whats wrong baby? you shy? ill show u mine ;)

Eddie's breath caught. God, this guy even made stupid shit sound hot, just like Eddie’s Richie. This was unreal.

i’ve seen yours, Eddie pointed out.

ya and you musta liked it if ur messaging me rn

Eddie bit his lip. ...maybe

aw thats cute sweetheart. u know i can see all the needy little tags you add when u reblog my stuff right?

Eddie blushed. He’d kind of always hoped he’d read them, but he never thought he actually did. i didn’t know you read those

oh ya, read them, jerk off to them. bit of a size queen, aren’t you? ;) it’s cute. makes me so fuckn hard when u talk abt how u want me to fill you up

Eddie whimpered out loud, sliding a third finger into himself. Fuck, he wanted that cock inside of him so bad. But right now one of his toys would have to do, once he was stretched out enough. He sped up his fingers, getting impatient. Gathering up all of his horny courage, he sent, show me.

what, no please? only good boys who use their manners get dick pics babydoll

Eddie pouted and whined to himself, making quick work of sliding his hot pink vibrator inside of himself—well, as quickly as he could without hurting himself. He moaned as it filled him up, making pleasure spread deep through his body. Slowly pumping it in and out, he reached for his phone. please, he typed, please let me see? wanna know what to picture while i fuck myself with my vibrator. He even added the wide eyed pouting emoji to really milk the whole begging thing. He knew he’d been playing a little coy, but now with the way internet-Richie was talking to him he was getting desperate.

well fuck baby since ur begging ;)

Eddie held his breath as he waited for the picture, slowly rocking his toy in and out, savoring the feeling. He wished it was Richie doing it, wished it was his cock. The lines between which Richie blurred; he wanted to get fucked by either of them, both of them.

What Eddie received when his phone lit up was not a picture, but a video. It was short, just a few seconds of Richie’s hand dragging wetly, smoothly over his cock, but it had Eddie drooling. The room was dark, so he’d used a flash, and it made the mix of what Eddie assumed was precome and spit glisten as the swollen head of Richie’s cock disappeared and reappeared from behind his fingers. Eddie must’ve played it at least five times, fucking himself a little faster, before remembering to say something back. And to take a video of his own. fuck, I want you so bad, want you to fucking ruin me, he wrote back. A part of him couldn’t believe how openly desperate he was being, but he found that he liked it; he liked the way it made him blush, he liked the way it felt to beg, to ask for what he wanted.

Richie’s response came fast: show me kitten. show me how you want me to fuck your pretty little ass.

Eddie moaned at the pet name; casual little nicknames were such a weakness for him. He was already so far gone, just picturing Richie’s cock inside of him, picturing him stroking his cock to thoughts of Eddie. The attention had his cock hard and leaking as he thrust his vibrator even deeper inside of himself, pumping it in and out a few more times before rolling over and getting on his hands and knees. It was hard to take a video from this angle, but he wanted to show off his ass and hide his face. Plus, there was something so hot about having his ass in the air and his face shoved in his pillow, looking like the perfect image of someone desperate to be fucked. He loved the way it made him feel, loved the thought of being so open for someone. For Richie.

He ended up shooting a short video as well, about ten seconds of him sliding his vibrator slowly in and out of himself, letting out soft little moans. He was pretty pleased with the way it turned out, his hole pink and smooth and wet as it stretched around his toy. The angle was a little weird, showing a lot of his room once or twice when his hand slipped a little, but overall he thought his ass looked amazing, if he did say so himself. He sent it and said, feels so good. do you want me to go faster?

As he sent it, he got settled on his back, forcing himself to go slow as he fucked himself while he waited for internet-Richie’s response. It was taking longer than before, and Eddie was getting antsy; it was so hard to drag it out, to not get ahead of himself. But whatever Richie was doing, Eddie knew it would be worth the wait. Still, he pouted as his cock ached, begging for attention.

He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock at the door.

He groaned to himself and stayed put, fucking himself even slower as he waited for whoever it was to leave. But then the knocking continued, loud and incessant and obnoxious, and Eddie knew exactly who it was. He also knew he wasn’t going to go away any time soon, which honestly made him smile and blush. Richie had terrible timing, but Eddie would never be upset to see him.

Reluctantly, he slowly slid the toy out and pulled on his shorts, leaving his shirt off. He still had a pretty obvious boner, but his horny brain did not mind the idea of Richie seeing it. So he strode lazily down the hall, shouting a performatively annoyed, “I’m coming!” Finally, he opened the door, cocking his hip to the side and giving Richie an expectant look. “Can I help you?” he asked, a small smile dancing around the corner of his lips. He had to fight off a smirk at the wide eyed look Richie gave him as he ran his eyes over Eddie’s body.

“Fuck,” he muttered lowly, his eyes trained on Eddie’s cock, which was getting even harder the more Richie stared. Eddie bit his lip and grinned a little, making doe eyes at Richie. But Richie didn’t meet his gaze—instead he brushed past Eddie, his mouth still hanging open as he made his way urgently toward Eddie’s bedroom.

“Richie?” Eddie asked, a little let down that Richie’s hands weren’t all over him right now. But hey, if he was heading to Eddie’s bedroom he figured that was at least the right direction. He closed his front door and followed Richie into his room, where he found him staring at the bright pink vibrator on the bed. As confident and horny as Eddie was feeling, that still made him blush. He was only human. Crossing his arms, he said, bashful now, “I was kind of in the middle of something.”

Richie looked over at him, his cheeks bright red under his freckles. Then he got a glimmer of that trademark shit-eating grin on his face. “Eds, you fucking slut,” he said, sounding both delighted and breathless. “You are so fucking hot.”

Eddie flushed and tried not to squirm, but he couldn’t help but press his legs together, his eyes brightening. Fuck, was this actually happening? Shit, he needed to think of something witty to say. “You gonna do anything about it?” Okay, that kinda sounded like a corny porn, but he had to give himself credit for even being able to form words just after his lifelong crush and personal wet dream had just admitted his attraction to him.

“I think I already have been,” Richie said, still grinning.

Eddie cocked an eyebrow at him. He couldn’t help but smile back. “Oh yeah? How do you figure that?”

Eddie was expecting a confession. He was expecting something along the lines of you think I don’t notice how you look at me? or did you really think those were casual touches earlier? What he was not expecting was for Richie to unlock his phone and hold it up, showing Eddie the video he had just taken, the video he’d sent to internet-Richie.

Oh. Oh. Oh fuck.

“Oh my god, that’s you?” Eddie cried in disbelief.

“You’re telling me you didn’t recognize this dick?” Richie asked, swaggering over to Eddie, clearly enjoying himself.

“How did you recognize it was me?”

Richie nodded toward the Thundercats poster on Eddie’s wall, then to the model train that sat on his dresser. “What other guy has decor like that and the ass to match?”

Eddie grinned and shook his head. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Well pardon me for not being especially eloquent when I’ve just learned that the guy I’ve been masturbating to since I learned how to and been in love with for even longer has been masturbating to me too.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide, all thoughts of getting fucked leaving for a moment. “You’re in love with me?” he asked, his voice as soft as his smile.

Richie was not a bashful person, but the little laugh he let out just then was close to it. “Have been my whole life, but thanks for finally noticing.”

Eddie shook his head and stepped closer, until he had to crane his head up to meet Richie’s gaze. “I love you too.”

Richie’s eyes widened behind his thick frames. Eddie had only seen that look in Richie’s eyes a few times before, but he never wanted to lose sight of it again. He always wanted Richie to look at him like that. But then Richie was closing his eyes and leaning down. It only took Eddie a second to get with the program, drinking in the moment just a little longer before letting his own eyes fall shut as he pressed his lips against Richie’s.

It started gentle enough, if deep and passionate and intentional. But then Richie’s hands were on Eddie’s bare waist, skin against skin, and Eddie was gasping into Richie’s mouth, his hands coming up and resting against Richie’s chest. He curled his fingers into Richie’s shirt as Richie ran his tongue over Eddie’s lips, just before pulling away. He laughed at Eddie’s indignant little whine.

“Oh, you mean you don’t want me to take off my shirt right now?” he smirked as Eddie tried to pull him closer by the offending fabric. Huffing, Eddie conceded and let go long enough to let Richie pull the shirt off over his head.

“Oh,” he said softly, his voice a little, awed moan as he drank in Richie’s chest. It wasn’t like Richie had never been shirtless in front of Eddie before, but Eddie had never felt like he was allowed to really look at Richie all those times. But now he could; now he could touch. And he did, running his fingers over Richie’s smooth, warm skin, over his acne scars and blackheads and freckles. “Fuck, Richie,” he sighed before pressing his lips to Richie’s collarbones, trailing them all over Richie’s beautiful chest.

Richie gave a breathless, almost shy laugh as he stroked Eddie’s hair. “Damn, Eds, never pegged you as a tits guy.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Eddie giggled, bringing his lips back to Richie’s. They both smiled into it, getting lost for a moment as Richie’s hands slid slowly down Eddie’s sides. His hands lingered on Eddie’s hips for a moment before he slid them further down and grabbed at Eddie’s ass, making him gasp.

“Is that any way to talk to the guy who’s about to rail you ‘til you can’t walk?”

“What’re you gonna do about it?” Eddie asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Spank me?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Richie smirked. He gave Eddie’s ass a playful smack, making Eddie gasp again and fall into him, needing more. Richie’s voice was dripping with adoration as he purred, “Little brat,” and pulled Eddie against him, kissing him again. Eddie went with it easily and happily parted his lips to let Richie lick into his mouth. Richie had one hand gripping Eddie’s jaw and the other on his ass, touching him in a way that exuded a command Eddie was desperate to follow. God, Eddie knew Richie had big hands, but they felt huge on him like this. It was dizzyingly hot. And the way Richie’s tongue was teasing his had Eddie’s knees going weak. His dick was throbbing in his shorts, aching to finish what he’d started, what had been interrupted. When he thought about it all—about playing with himself for Richie, about the video Richie had sent him, about all those things Richie had said about filling Eddie up—he felt himself clench down on nothing, desperate to get fucked. Desperate to feel Richie’s cock so deep inside of him.

“Richie,” he whined into the kiss, pulling on Richie’s belt loops, “please.” He pressed himself urgently against Richie and rutted shamelessly against his thigh.

“Fuck, you’re a needy little thing, aren’t you?” His voice was cocky and teasing, but there was an apparent undercurrent of wonder there as well.

Eddie shoved his face into Richie’s neck and whined, grabbing onto Richie’s wrists without even knowing what his goal was. “Richie,” he whimpered, sounding pitiful and ruined already.

“What do you want, baby?” Richie’s voice made it clear that he was enjoying seeing Eddie this wrecked, and that just made Eddie even harder. “Come on, tell me, use your words.”

Eddie squirmed as Richie held him close, but still not touching him in any relieving way. “I need you inside,” Eddie said, his voice high and soft as he squirmed in Richie’s grip. “God, please, Richie, need you to fuck me. Fuck me so hard I can’t even think. Fuck me like I’m your little toy.”

Eddie could hardly believe the words coming out of his mouth, and judging by the gasp he heard Richie let out, he’d caught Richie off guard too. But if the hard bulge in his jeans that brushed up against Eddie was any indication, he was apparently just as turned on as Eddie was. Besides, Eddie knew from his blog that Richie was really into that sort of thing too—and, apparently, really into the idea of doing those things with Eddie. The realization that Richie had been saying all those filthy things about him had him grinding against him with even more fervor, kissing his neck with a heated confidence. Richie moaned, and Eddie could feel the warmth of it spreading through him. “Yeah, sweetheart? You want to feel me inside you? You think you’re ready for me?”

“Yes,” Eddie sighed, looking up at Richie with wide, desperate eyes. He shivered at the new look in Richie’s eyes, the blue nearly entirely eclipsed by how wide his pupils were. He looked hungry for Eddie; Eddie wanted to feel it. “‘M ready, Richie, please, so open for you.” He looked to the toy on his bed pointedly, but Richie only gave a deep laugh.

“Oh honey, that’s cute that you think that little thing is gonna have you ready for my cock.” Eddie’s breath caught; that toy wasn’t small. Before he could gather his scattered brain enough to react, Richie was scooping him up and tossing him on the bed, the toy falling forgotten to the floor. Richie moved Eddie onto his back, and Eddie went happily, pliantly. Richie’s fingers were cool against Eddie’s burning skin as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Eddie’s shorts, slowly dragging them over his hips and down his legs, tossing them to the floor. Eddie’s cock was dripping with precome, his chest flushed a bright red as he squirmed under Richie’s gaze. Eddie been dreaming of Richie manhandling him like this for he didn’t even know how long; he couldn’t help the way he reacted. And he especially couldn’t help the pleased little sound he made when Richie murmured, “God, you’re gorgeous, Eds.” Then Richie was grabbing him by the ankles, gently but firmly spreading Eddie’s legs, and Eddie let out the most pathetic, genuine moan he’d ever heard. “Fuck, baby, you sound pretty. You like when I spread you open?” Richie asked. He was smirking down at Eddie, but Eddie could see how flushed he was, could see the thrilled awe in his dark, hungry eyes as Eddie nodded.

“Richie, please,” Eddie whimpered. “I need you so bad.” He sat up, reaching for Richie’s belt, but Richie easily pressed him back against the mattress with a large hand on the center of his chest. The confidence in Richie’s dominance took Eddie’s breath away, and he stayed right where he was, nice and obedient, as he watched Richie get off the bed and slowly undo his belt, then his button and zipper. He took his time dragging his jeans and boxers off, enough time to let Eddie’s eyes linger on the reveal of the dark hair under Richie’s waistband. Then Richie’s cock was bouncing up against his stomach, hard and flushed and fucking long. Eddie moaned at the sight and fisted the sheets underneath him. He wanted so badly to get his mouth on Richie, to breathe him in and be nice and good for Richie on his knees. But he was also desperate to get fucked; his hole clenched down on nothing at the thought, and then it was all he could think about again. “Richie,” he repeated, whining now as he reached for him. “Stop being such a tease.”

Richie laughed as he moved easily out of Eddie’s grip and climbed on top of him. Eddie gasped softly at the sight of Richie above him, his dark curls surrounding his face, his full, pink lips pulled into the most beautiful smile Eddie had ever seen in his life. He ran his hands over Richie’s chest and sides, marveling at the fact that this was really happening. Then, his eyes flickering down, he tentatively brought his hand to Richie’s cock.

“Oh, fuck,” they said, both at the same time, making them giggle together.

“Fuck, Eds, your pretty little hand looks so cute wrapped around my cock,” Richie teased in a low, rough voice. Eddie shivered; he couldn’t tell if Richie was praising him or degrading him, but either way it made his head fuzzy.

“‘M not that little,” Eddie grumbled out of habit. But he was clearly breathless. He’d never been good at pretending not to like Richie’s compliments, however teasing.

“Aw, but you are, baby,” Richie cooed, nuzzling his nose against Eddie’s and pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. “You’re so cute and tiny for me. I don’t even know if we’ll be able to fit my cock inside you.”

“I can,” Eddie whined, both indignant and impatient. He bucked his hips up, but Richie held him down. He gasped when he felt the warm, soft skin of Richie’s cock press against his stomach. Looking down, he saw that Richie had his cock lying on Eddie’s stomach, showing just how deep he would be once he was inside Eddie.

“You sure about that, babydoll?” While the teasing note was still there, Richie’s voice got noticeably softer as he said, “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

Eddie’s chest swelled at that. Cupping Richie’s face in his hands, he insisted, “I can take it.” Then he reached down and took Richie in his hand, glowing with pride when Richie let out a low moan. “Richie, please, I want you so bad.”

“Okay, baby,” Richie agreed, turning his head to kiss Eddie’s palm. “Fuck, I want you, too.” But he stalled. “Have you ever… like, been fucked before?”

Eddie flushed. “Well, not by someone else, but I have some toys. I’m not gonna break, Richie.” He huffed, but the way Richie was looking at him soothed any ruffled feathers.

“I’m your first?” His smile was soft, and while his eyes glittered, there was nothing teasing about his tone.

“I didn’t wanna do it with anyone else,” Eddie mumbled. He tried to look away, but Richie pulled him into a kiss.

“Fuck, I never thought you’d want me,” he chuckled. “Sorry, that was depressing, I just mean I can’t believe we didn’t do this sooner, you know?”

Eddie beamed, a small, giddy giggle dancing on his lips. “Well it’ll happen sooner if you stop talking so much.” But his smile, and all of the little kisses he planted on Richie’s freckled shoulders told Richie that Eddie never wanted him to stop talking.

“Alright, alright, sheesh, I know I’m hot but you don’t gotta rush me.” Eddie was still giggling when Richie kissed him, and he could feel that Richie was smiling too. “Where’s your lube?”

Eddie stretched his hand out and patted the bed for a moment, searching. After what was probably only four seconds but felt like an eternity, he finally found the bottle and handed it eagerly to Richie. “Oh, right,” Richie smirked, “you’re already wet for me, aren’t you?” Eddie moaned as Richie swiped his fingers over Eddie’s slick hole, pressing in just a bit. His fingers went in easily, and he pumped them slowly, drawing little, breathy moans out of Eddie. Richie’s fingers were a lot longer and thicker than his own, and they felt amazing, but they weren’t what he wanted in that moment.

“Richie, fuck me,” he whined.

“Aw, no please? Again?” Richie tsked and shook his head, curling his fingers against Eddie’s prostate, making him cry out. “I told you, sweetheart, only good boys who use their manners get fucked.”

“Please,” Eddie cried. He rocked his hips and grabbed at Richie’s shoulders, at his arms, not even sure what his goal was there other than to get Richie closer, to get his attention, to show him how desperate he was. “Please fuck me, please.” He sounded pathetic begging like this, but that just made him harder. And it made Richie’s pupils even wider as he slid his fingers out of Eddie and pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Good boy,” he purred. Eddie moaned and arched into Richie’s touch, but he only gave Eddie one more kiss on his cheek before pulling back and covering his cock in lube. Eddie watched, entranced, as Richie’s hand moved smoothly over his cock, glistening and slick. Then Richie was gently spreading Eddie’s legs even further and pressing the head of his cock against Eddie’s hole.

“Yes,” Eddie whimpered brokenly, grasping at the sheets beneath him. “Richie, please.” Meeting his gaze, he said softly, “I need you.”

“I’ve got you,” Richie assured him in a voice that made Eddie feel like he was glowing. Richie took Eddie’s hand in his and entwined their fingers, using his other hand to guide his cock inside of Eddie, who gasped at the feeling. God, he couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe his first time was going to be with his favorite person. He couldn’t believe he was finally getting exactly what he wanted. Love flooded through him, warm and perfect, somehow both soothing and electrifying as he watched Richie’s face. Eddie’s mouth dropped as Richie pressed into him, deeper and deeper and still fucking deeper, until finally Richie let out a low moan and Eddie felt absolutely breathless. The stretch was intense, and he held onto Richie tightly as he caught his breath. “Are you alright?” Richie asked. His voice was strained, but the care and concern in it was clear. “You don’t have to take all of it if it’s too much.”

Eddie wanted to laugh at the remark or roll his eyes, but with how breathless and dizzied by pleasure he already was, he had to admit Richie had a point. “Just need a minute,” he gasped. Richie ran a soothing hand over Eddie’s skin, helping him even out his breathing and relax. The feeling of Richie’s cock twitching in anticipation inside of him had him letting out little moans as he adjusted, getting more and more used to the feeling until he felt comfortable enough to tell Richie he could move. Richie kissed him before he did, his lips soft against Eddie’s, a reassuring weight. Eddie breathed in sharply as Richie pulled back, grabbing at Richie’s shoulders.

Richie immediately stopped. “You okay, baby?” he asked, caressing Eddie’s face.

Eddie wanted to melt. Richie was always touching him, always jokingly flirting with him, but this unabashed concern and, well, love had previously been reserved for dire situations, like panic attacks or injuries. Eddie couldn’t help the dopey smile that bloomed on his face as he tilted his chin up and kissed Richie. “I’m okay,” he said breathlessly. “It’s just a little different from my vibrator.” They both gave a shaky laugh as Richie nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.

“Better, I hope?” he grinned.

“Can’t tell yet,” Eddie retorted. Another snarky comment was on the tip of his tongue when Richie pulled his hips further back, effectively sucking all the air—and attitude—from Eddie’s chest. And then Richie was pushing back in, and Eddie let out a moan he couldn’t have faked if he tried, relaxing back into the mattress as his eyes fell shut. It was the best thing he’d ever felt, pleasure and relief flooding through his body. They’d been building up this tension for years; Eddie had figured it would feel good to break it, but it really felt magical, like something had just clicked into place. Feeling Richie inside of him, rocking his hips carefully, feeling Richie twitch as he tried not to lose control had Eddie’s head reeling. Eddie’s eyes fluttered open, focusing on Richie above him, on how flushed his face was. When Richie met his eye, pressing in deep, Eddie let out a small, “Fuck.”

“Yeah? Does that feel good, sweetheart?”

Richie was smirking as he said it, but there was something else sparkling in his eyes. Something giddy and awed. Something that made Eddie sigh dreamily, “I love you.”

Richie’s eyes widened for a moment before he pressed his lips firmly against Eddie’s, his hands roaming over Eddie’s body like he couldn’t choose where to put them, where to touch him. “I love you so much,” he beamed, pressing a few more kisses to Eddie’s cheeks. Eddie giggled at the feeling, but then Richie’s hips moved just a little faster, pressing him in just a little deeper, and he was back to melting under Richie’s touch, clinging to him as he rocked his hips with Richie’s. “Fuck, you’re so amazing, baby, so fucking beautiful. You look so good like this, holy shit.”

Eddie smiled almost drunkenly at Richie’s ability to ramble even when blowing Eddie’s mind. “Feels so good,” he moaned, his voice breathy and just a little bit higher than normal. He wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist. “Please, Richie, please.”

“Fuck, baby, wanna make you feel like this all the fucking time,” Richie groaned as he picked up the pace. Eddie whined in pleasure at the change, and that just spurred Richie to go faster, harder, until he was well and truly fucking Eddie, both of them moaning with every thrust.

“Oh my god,” Eddie cried, “ohmygodohmygodhmygod, oh fuck, Richie, please.” It felt so amazing, Richie fucking into him like this, but he needed that little bit more. His cock was throbbing desperately, achingly hard; he needed to feel Richie’s hand on him. “Richie, please,” he whimpered, “please, please touch me. I need you, I need you so bad, please, Richie.” Eddie was pouting now, grabbing aimlessly at Richie, his legs still wrapped tight around him.

“Fuck, you’re so hard for me,” Richie marveled, his voice sweet and condescending as he wrapped his hand around Eddie’s cock. Eddie nearly screamed at the contact, his back arching off the bed. Richie laughed a little, which just made Eddie even harder. The way Richie spread his precome over his cock, twisting his wrist just so as he stroked him had that familiar tension coiling in his lower stomach. “Aw, does that feel good? You gonna come on my cock, kitten?”

“Fuck, yes!” Eddie screamed. He gripped at the sheets as Richie stroked him, his voice washing over Eddie, mixing with the pleasure of Richie’s touch, of his thrusts. “Yes, yes, yes, please let me come, please, please, please.”

“That’s a good boy,” Richie purred, and Eddie could feel himself tipping over the edge at the words, at how low and affected Richie’s voice was. He groaned out, “Come on my cock like a good boy, princess,” and pure pleasure crashed over Eddie like a wave. He arched his back and cried out as he came, his moans filling the room as he squirmed under Richie, grabbed at him, at the sheets. It was fucking ethereal. He felt somehow so in tune with his body and yet so detached, like he was floating. He was barely cognizant of what Richie was saying, but when he put the sounds together and realized Richie had just said, panting, “Fuck, baby, gonna come,” Eddie felt like a live wire again.

“In me,” he said urgently. His mind was still a little too scattered for full sentences, but he knew what he wanted. God, he felt like he needed it. Like he needed to feel that connected to Richie. “Richie, come inside me, please.”

Richie apparently didn’t need to be told twice; he let out a moaned, “Oh, fuck,” before burying his face in Eddie’s neck, his breathy moans like music in Eddie’s ear. And then, as Eddie was coming down from his own high, he felt the holiest thing in the world: Richie’s cock, twitching inside of him, then his warm come filling Eddie up. It was unreal, being this close to him. Richie clutching at him as he came. It was even better than the little fantasies Eddie occasionally allowed himself. Richie was here, in his arms, pressing kisses to his neck as he caught his breath. Eddie was stroking his hair and rubbing his back as Richie nuzzled into him. Richie’s skin pressed against his skin, his legs wrapped around Richie’s waist, then falling to his sides, but still pressed to him. Still keeping him close. There wasn’t a single thought in his head that wasn’t about Richie.

Richie pulled him from his dreamy haze with light kisses pressed up his jaw, then over his cheeks. Eddie giggled at the onslaught of affection, still reeling from how fucking hot and euphoric what they had just done together had been. But he happily accepted Richie’s kisses, his heart bursting, then racing as Richie pulled back to look in his eyes. “Holy, fuck,” Richie beamed, his face flushed and blue eyes hooded from the weight of his orgasm, even as they sparkled.

“I know,” Eddie said, returning Richie’s grin as he basked in the surreality of having Richie on top of him, his dorky yet charming smile framed by lips that were red and swollen because of Eddie. His glasses were knocked askew, and Eddie instinctively reached up to fix them. With a sense of wonder, he realized that his touch was allowed to linger this time. He ran his fingers down Richie’s cheekbones, over his jaw, cupped his cheeks. “I love you,” he said. The words spilled out over his lips like he couldn’t stand not to say them. And while it made his heart race a little to say it out loud now that the adrenaline and tension was all worked through, it felt even better this time when Richie’s face softened and he nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.

“I love you so fucking much.” Richie’s voice rarely got that soft, that sincere; it felt like a blanket wrapping around Eddie. It felt safe, secure. It felt like a promise. And if there was anyone in the world Eddie knew he could trust, it was Richie. That feeling of everything coming together came back to Eddie as he lay there under Richie, their lips moving together, feeling light as a feather now that everything was finally out in the open.

[stvrs13]

My Happy Ending (pt2) ~ Ellie x fem!reader

note. sorry i cant use gif rn because of my stupid wifi. i'll change it soon if i have good connection :) enjoy!

click here to read pt 1 !

[ summary ]

Patrol is a disaster but to make it worst, you went out with the 2 people you hate at the moment. Ellie and Dina. (lmao i suck at summary)

warnings: angst,swearing, kinda sexual themes

"There you are!" Maria cheerfully walk towards you. You could feel your heart beating faster as you walk closer to the stables, you know this would be a disaster. She met you halfway of your walk and discuss about patrol while you were practically dying inside.

"Their waiting for you at the gate, I will talk to you later. Stay safe y/n!" said Maria who is turning away from you. You were about to say something when a hand touch your shoulder gently. Turning around, you see the one and only Ellie Williams.

"what" You spoke furiously, Not having the mood to talk to her. She sighed quietly before replying, "you ready?". Nodding, she point at your horse waiting outside with Dina standing beside Ellie's horse. You walk towards them, not saying a single word to Ellie.

Ellie follows beside you and sneakily place her arms around your waist. "what are you doing?" you pulled away from her touch, a little uncomfortable. "cant i touch my girl?" Ellie smirks. You scoff, walking further away from her until you reach the gate. "hey" Dina grins and hands you Rafe's (OC horse huh sorry obx fans 💀😂) rein.

You grab it swiftly, looking at her with a blank face. not in the mood to talk with her too. You have every right to be angry, and have every right to treat them unsatisfactorily because they made a mistake espicially Ellie.

You pat Rafe's head lightly while listening to the man giving instructions when you see Ellie walking towards your side. You ignore it somehow, thinking that maybe she was just gonna walk past you but you were wrong.

She stop beside you and tug you closer to her, making your body turn and press against her. "Ellie! what the fuck?!" you whisper-yell, pushing her away. She chuckles and pulled you by your waist, leaning in for a kiss. You immediately push her away. A little too hard though as she stumble backwards and hits Shimmer's side, making the horse whine.

Some of the adults look towards your way and some teens laughing. Dina just sighs and mounts Shimmer. Ellie stands there, looking at you angrily. You dont care though. Maybe.

The man finish his discussions and told the patrols to head out, all of you following his orders. Ellie gave you one last glance while she whistles for the horse to trot and went off like a rocket. You groan in annoyance and followed her.

»»

It's been an hour or two since you were in this trail and its killing you. Ellie giving you the glances and the awkward silence. Dina somehow getting tired of it, started a conversation. "it's peaceful out here" smiling as she look around the trees. Ellie nods and glances at you for the millionth time. "I think its just a bit further till we arrive at the lookout." Dina point towards north.

Still silence....

"look, y/n we're sorry! We shouldn't have done that, we just-" Dina frowns. "This is bullshit. We're not talking about this now." You interupt her, giving them a glare.

Ellie mumbles something but you couldn't hear it due to the wind. Dina just nod at what Ellie's statement is and stayed quiet.

It's been 10 min since that happened and you were currently tying Rafe's rein to a fence when Ellie unknowingly slap your ass. You gasped and turn towards her, "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" you yelled, seeing her smirking and letting out a chuckle.

"c'mon I know you love it." Ellie replied. crossing her arms, leaning her side to the wall. You scoff and rolled your eyes, "I dont have time for this." walking away for no more further actions from her.

"okay so.. the lookout is right over there but Maria told us to check this shop for supplies before we head to the lookout." Dina sighs, stroking Shimmer's hair. You nod and open the door. Not caring if there are infected inside.

Unbeknownst, a clicker was infront of you and when it heard the door creak open, it immediately push you to the ground. "FUCK!" you growled as you struggle against the clicker. You tried reaching for your switchblade, which Ellie gave before but failed as it was thrown away from the side due to the clicker moving its hands around.

Ellie ran towards you and immediately kick the clicker's head leading to a gunshot being heard as you were laying there closing your eyes. "fuck, are you good?" Ellie kneels and checks your figure. You open your eyes and mumbled a "yes" before getting up hastily. "hey, slow down" Dina gently held your arm. You immediately shove your arm away when you felt a pain on your elbow.

"shit. you have wounds" Ellie mutters, immediately gripping your wrist and leading you towards your horse. "im fine"

Ellie doesn't listen though as she unties your horse rein and demands for you to ride the horse. You obey otherwise, getting angry as to Ellie pretending that she cares.

Dina did the same too, riding Shimmer while Ellie holding the rein for your horse to walk slowly. "Ellie, I said im fine. We should check-"

"Stop with the bullshit, y/n. Your hurt." Ellie spoke furiously, giving you a serious glance.

Dina stopped Shimmer as the three of you arrived at the lookout. Ellie tied Rafe's rein to a post and immediately held her hand out for you to hold as you dismount the horse. You didn't accept it as you jump away from the horse.

Dina open the wooden door and waits for the two of you to come in, "Im gonna sign our names, Y/n clean up." Closing the door, Ellie immediately pulled you into the closest room and lock the door. Leaving Dina outside the room.

"Damn it y/n, why are you being reckless? that was so stupid." she mumbles, throwing her bag to the table and opening it to find some bandages. You rolled your eyes.

"sit" Ellie demands, glancing at the chair then back at you. Sighing, you lazily walk towards it and sat on it. "arms up"

"oh my gosh, Ellie im fine" you look at her, only to see her giving you the "serious demand type" look. (ngl stubborn ellie is adorbz) "you know what-" stands, "stop pretending that you care"

"I do-" Ellie whispered, "then why the fuck did you do it?!" you semi-yell at her, raising your hands slightly at your side. "the what-"

"stop being stupid Ellie! you know what I mean" You got up your sit and tried walking past her but she grip your wrist, making you look at her.

Ellie pushed you to the wall, putting her hand beside your head while the other places on your waist, "you know- your hot when your all like this. pretending to be mad at what i've done, you think I didn't caught on to that, babe?"

She pulled you closer to which both of your bodies pressed against each other and she immediately lean in, which shocked you. You push her away not long after, "Are you stupid?! Ellie. You cheated on me!! and now you act like it didn't just happened?!" yelling at her.

Ellie smirks and harshly grab your ass, pulling you closer again. "Damn it, Ellie! Let go!!" you cried out. Ellie didn't obey as she kept sucking your neck and squeezing your ass.

Pushing her harder this time, she stands back giving you an angry look. "dont make me go rough on you, y/n" she smirks, unbuttoning her jeans. You push her again, this time a little more harsh as she hit the side of the table.

Sighing, "okay" she mumbled. "Me and Dina were just having fun-" "yeah well no shit." you spoked, all the anger bottling up inside you. "and im sorry-"

" 'sorry' isn't gonna fix our relationship, Ellie! You cheated on me!!" you could feel tears streaming down your cheeks as you yelled at Ellie. "and then you acted like it didn't happen and being all around me at public?! your not being yourself Ellie!!"

sighing, "just tell me...tell me that you dont love me anymore.. please.. I dont wanna just go on with our relationship thinking that you love me but you truly not.. this is just a waste of our time." you look her in the eyes, seeing nothing but an angry ones. shocked that she wipe her tears away, "fine, we're done. your nothing but a useless bitch." the last part that Ellie said went straight to your heart, making you feel broken and fragile even more. She look at you one last time before leaving the room, slamming the door shut.

~

DAMN so i've tried to my best to write it really well and sorry if my grammar or spelling is bad lmao, english is not my first language so yeah. also this is kinda short bruhhh hope you like this story and dont worry im gonna make a pt 3 💭 love ya friends! ~ Jazmine ( name reveal :) )