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#I feel like I’m nothing and I’m really tired of it I don’t even want to try anymore
Stress Relief | Katsuki Bakugo x Reader
Fandom: My Hero Academia
Ship: Katsuki Bakugo x AFAB Reader 💋
Genre: Smut, Fluff, Romance, Hurt/Comfort
Summary: A quick unedited one shot where the reader is stressed and Katsuki decides to help her de-stress :) Nothing complicated here, just sexy vibes.
CW: MDNI!, A18+, kissing, romance, sexual tension, spicy scenes, fingering, lemon, Smut, Dirty Talk, Hurt/Comfort
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It’s dark in your dorm when Katsuki Bakugo slips through the unlocked door. You’re starting to fall asleep when you see the door open a crack, the light from the hallway illuminating his pale features with its glow.
You’re exhausted and not in the mood to talk to him, not after the day you had. You glare at him from your bed as he quietly shuts the door behind you.
“Come on, babe. Don’t give me that look.” He groans, padding over to your bed and slipping beneath the covers beside you. “You know that I can’t take it easy on you when we spar. You don’t get special treatment in class just because you’re my girlfriend.”
You turn away from him to face the wall, ignoring him. Not only had Katsuki hit you with an over the top, uncalled for special move in training – it was a move you had never seen before. You had thought the two of you shared absolutely everything. You were almost at the end of your third year at UA, chasing graduation. For the past year and a half, you two had been daydreaming about starting a hero agency together. If Katsuki had hid an insane special move from you only to bring it out in a simple training match…what else was he hiding?
“I know that look.” He says as he wraps his arms around you. He’s so strong and sturdy you can’t help but melt into him. “I didn’t tell you about the move because I wanted it to be a surprise. I thought you would be more excited about it, honestly. Come on, babe. Don’t be mad.”
You sigh, your whole body sore from where he walloped you with his overenthusiastic explosion earlier that day. Finally, you acknowledge him. “I’ve showed you all of my special moves – even the secret ones. And yet…you kept this insane move a secret even from me. Sometimes I don’t think you trust me.”
He’s quiet for a moment, rolling your words around in his mind. When he does speak, there’s a tinge of hurt in his voice. A vulnerability that only a few people will ever hear form Katsuki Bakugo. “Babe…I didn’t realize I was keeping it a secret. I was really excited to show you. I don’t want you to feel like I don’t trust you. You’re the only person who knows absolutely all of me. You gotta believe that.” He squeezes his arms lightly around you, reinforcing the words.
You huff with frustration. “Yeah, I know, okay? I’m just really achy and pissed off that you decided to debut some flashy move while fighting me. Why couldn’t you unleash it on Kaminari or Kirishima?”
He buries his face in the back of your neck. “I was tryin’ to impress ya, is all.”
“I’d be a lot more impressed if you didn’t blast the hell out of me during a training exercise.” You try to scoot away from him and end up stretching out your muscles at an odd angle. You cry out softly at the pain.
“Did I hurt ya that bad?” He says, concern lacing his words. “You’re made of such tough stuff…but maybe I took things a little too far in the ring.” His hands run across your body soothingly, trying to rub out any aches and pains that he may have caused during your sparring.
“It’s fine. Honestly, it was a really stressful day and your new ‘special move’ was just the icing on top of the cake. I just need it to be the weekend already.” You sigh out. The past few weeks have been so stressful at school and at your work study. You’re tired and overworked, and you could really just use a break. Katsuki unleashing the full force of his explosion hell on you in class was definitely not something you were mentally or physically prepared for – all you want to do now is rest.
“I know you’ve been real stressed lately. Sorry if I added to it.” He mumbles into your shoulder, leaving light kisses along your skin. You shiver when you feel the tip of his tongue dart out to trace a shape on the sensitive skin of your clavicle.
“Hey…you know what we haven’t done in a while?” His voice suddenly brightens and his hand snakes down to grip your stomach lightly over your shirt. “I can think of a great way to give you a good dose of stress relief.” He smooths his hand down the plane of your stomach and finds the hem of your shirt, dipping underneath the thin fabric so that he can fan out his fingers across your delicate skin. “Let me take your stress away with my fingertips, sweetheart.” He begins to run his fingers back and forth under the waistband of your sweatpants. The sensual touch causes a sparking sensation to gather down in your core. Everywhere he touches, goose bumps pop up on your skin.
“…Kats.” You say, warningly. The walls of the dorm are notoriously thin, and you don’t want to be on the receiving end of one of Mr. Aizawa’s lectures about safe sex, creating a culture of respect, the dorm rules, etc.
“Just keep quiet. I’ll make it quick as I can. No one ever has to know.” He leans in and starts to plant slow, open mouthed kisses along your neck, his fingers dipping lower and into dangerous territory. He brings the palm of his hand to rest right above your panties and slowly starts to circle your clit from over the delicate cotton fabric.
“Oh.” You breathe out, your body coming back to life as Katsuki touches you. He’s always so direct, so sure of himself. His approach to sex is reflective of that – don’t beat around the bush, just get to the heart of the pleasure.
“Yeah?” He whispers wetly before nipping at your earlobe. “You like when I touch you here?”
“Duh.” You hiss through your teeth. Katsuki pulls his hand away from your pussy and you almost cry out at the loss of contact. He brings his ring and middle fingers to his mouth and sucks, coating them in a thick sheen of saliva. He then moves to touch you again, this time sliding his hand beneath your panties for better access. When his warm, wet fingers hit your clit – your body absolutely lights up. All aches and pains are gone – its just you, Katsuki, and his magical fingers.
He starts out slow, circling around your clit until your grinding your butt back into him. He loves this – spooning you while he gets you off. He loves a good power dynamic, and this is no exception. In this position, Katsuki has most of the control. He likes that you know it, too.
He circles your clit lazily for a while, letting you get a feel for it. As you start to buck into him, he decides to speed things up, dipping his fingers low so he can gather some slick from your entrance before sliding them back up to work more on your clit. Within seconds you’re begging for him to get inside you, and he obliges – slipping a single digit into you slowly while giving your clit the attention it deserves with his thumb. He lets you hump his hand, finding the angles that work best with your body and causing you to see stars.
It’s when he slips a second finger into you that you start to get close. You feel his cock harden against the curve of your ass, eager to please. He starts leaving a trail of hot hickies along your shoulder – sucking in your sensitive skin between his sharp teeth and then kissing over marks he leaves behind. The combination of sensations is far too much, and you feel yourself get closer and closer to falling off the edge. The way Katsuki's fingers are slipping, sliding, stretching...it's far too much. You want to groan in pleasure, but you keep your mouth shut as best you can.
His fingers pump in and out of you with practiced skill, and you clap a hand over your mouth to keep yourself from moaning out his name for all of the dorm to hear.
“Kats!” You say in a muffled voice from behind your hand. “Kats, I’m close.”
That’s all he needs to hear. He brings his fingers out of you to focus on your clit for a bit, drawing circles and triangles and figure eights and whatever other fuckin’ shapes he knows how to make around your sensitive bundle of nerves until your legs are shaking. Then, when he feels he’s gotten you hot and bothered enough, he slides two fingers deep into your cunt, flicking them in an attempt to hit your G spot.
And holy shit he does.
Katsuki hits that delicious spongy spot deep inside you and your body jerks with pleasure. He smirks at the reaction, proud of himself for figuring you out so quickly. He hits the spot again and again and again until your pussy tenses up and falls into one of the finest orgasms you’ve had in your life. You cum so easily, your whole body shaking as he takes you apart with nothing but his fingertips. The waves of the orgasm hit you full force, your body tingling and jerking in time with his targeted movements. He lets you ride out your orgasm, mumbling quiet praise into your ear as you grind through your high.
“That’s my good girl, so perfect for me. Cumming on my fingertips so nicely. Fuck babe. Fuck you’re gorgeous. Keep cumming for me please.”
His words are just as sexy as his hand down your pants, and you can’t believe how lucky you are to have landed someone as hot as Katsuki.
When you finally finish, he slides his hand out of your panties and pulls you close. He plants a hundred kisses across your neck and shoulder, happy to have been of service. You lay in silence for a moment – you catching your breath, him glowing with pride at a job well done.
“Did I manage to take away some of your stress?” He whispers cheekily. The damn idiot is so proud of himself, as always.
“S-sure.” You try to sound calm, cool and collected but the break in your voice is enough. Katsuki knows that he achieved exactly what he set out to do. You melt back into his chest and start to doze. What a day it's been! You're too tired to speak anymore, but you manage to squeak out: “Thanks babe. Love you.”
“Love ya, too.” He says, settling in under the covers and planting a last kiss on your back. “But I’m still not taking it easy on ya during training.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Is the last thing you say before drifting off into a sound sleep.
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iamtired10 · 13 hours
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hold my hand
pairing - lee hyein x female reader
synopsis - hyein has always loved holding your hand, but today is somehow different—in a good way that makes your heart race.
genre - cute shit :/
warning - nothing here
word count - 828
a/n - i'm tired of writing fluff, but my ass can't seem to write angst :(
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you and hyein had always been close.
like, really close.
holding hands wasn’t even new to either of you. but today?
oh, today felt different.
it wasn’t just the normal kind of hand-holding. there was something in the air that made it... ten times more awkward.
the two of you were walking back from school, backpacks slung over your shoulders, and you could feel hyein fidgeting next to you.
you glanced at her, catching her eye for a second before she quickly looked away, cheeks flushing pink.
“you okay, hye?” you asked, chuckling softly at how jittery she was acting.
“y-yeah! i’m fine!” she squeaked, her voice going up like two octaves. not convincing at all.
you raised an eyebrow, curious but too amused to push her further.
the group—hanni, minji, haerin, and danielle—was trailing behind, laughing at some inside joke, but hyein?
she was too focused on what seemed like a life-changing decision in her head.
you could practically hear her thoughts scrambling to make sense of what she wanted to do next.
it wasn’t long before hanni’s voice cut through the air.
“yah! y/n! are you coming with us or what? we’re almost at hyein’s house!” she whined, dragging the end of her sentence with that classic dramatic flair she always had.
“yeah, yeah, i’m coming,” you called back, waving her off, but that’s when you felt it.
hyein’s hand brushed against yours.
at first, it was like an accident.
or maybe that’s what she wanted you to think.
the second time it happened, though?
definitely on purpose.
you glanced at her, catching her nibbling on her bottom lip as if she wasn’t debating whether or not to actually hold your hand.
you smiled softly, finding her nervousness adorable.
“what are you doing?” you whispered, leaning slightly closer.
her eyes widened as if she had been caught in some kind of serious crime. “w-w-what do you mean?! i-i’m just… walking???”
you couldn’t help but laugh under your breath. “uh-huh. walking.”
another beat of silence.
and then it happened.
she did it.
she grabbed your hand.
but it wasn’t the usual confident, playful hyein you were used to.
this time, her fingers trembled slightly as they intertwined with yours, her hand clammy from how nervous she was.
your heart did a little flip, and you smiled at her. “there, was that so hard?”
“i-i don’t know what you’re talking about,” she stammered, but her grip tightened just a little bit, as if she didn’t want you to let go.
suddenly from behind you, hanni’s voice rang out again. “OMO! are you two HOLDING HANDS?” her tone was dripping with mock shock as she gasped dramatically.
“wait, wait, i didn’t see anything. totally didn’t see you guys being all sneaky and cute or anything.”
minji and danielle snickered, with haerin simply nodding as if she was already way ahead of hanni’s realization.
hyein’s face turned an even deeper shade of red, and she instinctively tried to pull her hand away, but you held onto her tighter, giving her a reassuring squeeze.
“you’re not getting out of this now.”
“ugh, why are you guys so annoying?” hyein whined, burying her face in her hoodie sleeve. “just leave us alone…”
hanni wasn’t done. “i’m shocked! truly! our baby hyein has made her first move, everyone! hold the presses!”
hyein groaned, her face practically hidden now. “unnie, please…”
you chuckled, finding the entire situation ridiculously cute. “don’t worry, hyein, i think it’s adorable.”
she peeked out from her sleeve, still blushing but a tiny smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “you think so?”
“of course. besides,” you leaned in and whispered, “i like holding your hand too.”
her eyes darted to yours for a moment, a genuine smile breaking through her nervousness.
she squeezed your hand a bit tighter, and for the rest of the walk, she stayed close, even when hanni kept poking fun and pretending to be shocked every five seconds.
inside hyein’s house, the teasing didn’t stop.
you’d barely set your bags down before hanni started whining again.
“i can’t believe it. my baby hyein is all grown up, holding hands with y/n. what’s next, marriage?”
“unnie, shut up!” hyein squeaked, hiding her face behind a pillow as she threw herself onto the couch.
“or maybe… cuddles during the movie?” danielle added with a wicked grin.
“guys, please!” hyein groaned, her voice muffled by the pillow now. “i’m never inviting you again.”
you laughed, sitting beside her on the couch. “i’m fine with that. more cuddles for me.”
hanni let out a mock-offended gasp. “y/n, you traitor!”
the banter continued as everyone piled onto the couch, the teasing settling down only when the movie started.
you and hyein ended up sitting side by side, her hand slipping back into yours under the blanket when she thought no one was looking.
spoiler: they were all looking.
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sockdooe · 1 month
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I don’t know if maybe it’s just me, but is anyone else seeing a rise of people claiming that they could do a better rewrite of Voltron and then immediately say they’d make K/L cannon or Adash/ canon?
I don’t know about anyone else but I genuinely don’t think making ships canon would make the show better.
In fact I think It’d make it worse.
And considering shiro isn’t even mentioned in these and if he is it’s just to be Keith dad…. Is telling.
#listen do what you want but I’m really tired of people genuinely thinking they can do better and then forget the main story of Voltron#I’m being so dead serious#Voltron was never supposed to be about ships or which ones would be canon#it’s about 5 teens/young adult forced into space to be the ‘hero’ against a empire that’s been around for more than their entire life times#and the fact this shit keeps populating the shiro tag is what pisses me off more#I feel like I’m the only one in this fandom that enjoys ships for what they are: FUN#I have tons of ships!!! I don’t want any of them to be cannon!!! even if I love them so much!!!! why? because ships don’t need to be canon!!#you can just simply enjoy having your headcanons and making art/writing and have it be fun!!!!#nothing has to be canon#I don’t know why especially this fandom is so obsessed with it but it’s driving me CRAZY#and what makes it worse is that every time they talk about making K/L cannon is that ‘it deserves to be’#NO IT DOESNT#IT REALLY DOESNT#VOLTRON HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ROMATIC RELATİONSHİPS#UNPOPULAR OPINION BUT IT REALLY DOESNT#you want to do a re-write do it! but dont do it just because you want to make a ship CANON#because that’s not re-writing it’s just fan fiction#you are just writing a fanfic#I want to re-write Voltron too but I actually want the show to improve and be BETTER AND LOVE ITS CHARACTERS#I WANT THEM TO BE BUIKT UO THE WAY THEY SHOUKDVE BEEN#ships don’t belong in canon#sure is it maybe nice when it happens cool but let it happen without dismissing the other characters#not because fans wanted it#also stop fucking populating the shiro tag lest I come at you with a lead pipe#Voltron#voltron legendary defender#vld
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babyfairy · 7 months
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it takes about 5 seconds of thinking about my personal life before i start to cry now i think that’s really cool and good. fun too
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pinkfey · 4 months
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is this a safe space
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passthroughtime · 8 months
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i hope you don’t mind me not participating in sunday six for so long and not updating my fic... i’m having a bit rough time handling my life irl right now
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barley-st-band · 4 months
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hey does anyone know how we’re supposed to survive it all. asking for a friend
#she speaks#oh gang we’re really in it now#i don’t think i’ve ever felt this bad this deeply in my whole life lol#the burnout just keeps accumulating past any point i thought it could reach#and i can’t even pretend at work anymore#i’m so tired and these kids are so infuriating and it builds and builds every time they do something shitty#and i love them and it’s not their fault they’re just kids and they’re tired and it’s almost summer#but god i can’t fucking do it anymore#how exactly am i supposed to survive the next two weeks#the class i’m taking is too confusing and too fast paced#and i didn’t buy the textbook bc it’s 200 fucking dollars#and our apartment is always a mess#and i can’t keep up with friendships and feel like i’m constantly letting them down#and there’s nothing i can do to fix any of it#until the school year is over#bc at this point it takes everything i have just to get up and go to work in the mornings#but then i still have to somehow find energy to do other stuff too. and like actually teach.#i have to grade and do report cards and return materials and clean up my classroom#i need to complete a checklist the size of a novel before i leave for the summer#i need to keep the kids engaged but none of us want to be here#i need to start organizing to make next year easier#i need to fill out paperwork and spreadsheets and update my password and find time to feed myself and grade more papers and#vacuum the floors and scoop litter and clean up clutter and do dishes and wipe down counters#and i haven’t been able to fucking do any of it in months and left so many chores to my poor partner who’s also going through it#bc i have nothing left and i don’t know what to do!! i want to scream every minute of every day bc i’m so beyond overwhelmed the moment#i wake up in the morning but i don’t have time for a meltdown so i just keep going!!#i wish i had better words to explain how bad it’s gotten but the brain fog has gotten so so bad#i can barely think i can’t make decisions my memory and recall have gotten so much worse#i take my anxiety meds so often that they’ve stopped working#and yet i still worry that i’m making it up and being dramatic. anyway sorry about all this lol
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1roentgen · 3 months
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UR GINGER???
im sorry ophelia, but idk if we can be friends anymore </3 im gingerphobic
/J /J
Oh boy /lh/nm
#I’m trying so hard not to sound mad I pinky pinky promise I’m not mad at you I’m just tired but I have made like 3 posts addressing this#kind of joke and the post I just made about expressing my feelings was me asking my friend not to say things like this about my hair or my#autism as much anymore#I get that you’re joking I really really do#but it’s just so fucking hard to hear after the millionth time bro#and I already hate myself and my appearance so much that hearing this every five seconds really doesn’t help#I’m sorry if I sound whiny or if I’m making a big deal out of nothing I’m trying not to be a baby about it or stress you out cuz I don’t#want you to think you did anything wrong cuz you didn’t and you couldn’t have known how much I’ve been struggling with this recently#but I really wish people would stop with the hatred of redheads even if it’s just joking because after a while of people just joking it#starts to feel like they’re just hiding behind the guise of a joke and trying to express how much they hate you#and when you already have an anxiety disorder that’s rlly easy to jump to#I’m sorry if this is annoying or dramatic and I’m also sorry if it makes you anxious at all I love you ghost I’m sorry I didn’t handle this#the way you probably expected I’ve just been really sensitive to stuff recently cuz I’m kind of at a low point but I’m getting off topic im#sorry#again I’m not mad I swear I promise#ghost 🖤#🪽#/gen all of it
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j-esbian · 1 year
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i know it’s a common millennial gripe that kids are coerced into picking their life trajectory so young, that a lot of people pick college because they feel that it’s What You’re Supposed to Do, rather than what’s right for them, but like. despite all of that, i really thought i was different
#it’s like. i had a Situation so i was like ‘no college is totally my choice’ but even then#really not a lot of thought went into it#not that i regret it but i just wish kids had access to different kinds of guidance#honestly very little info about anything beyond ‘which college will you go to’#assumed that you already know what you want to study#my high school was pretty focused on. either you’re gonna study the humanities or you’re going into healthcare#i know i have these moods every few months where i entertain ways my life could be different#lately i’ve been thinking. i barely even know what engineering as a profession MEANS#i like to make things. i’m not opposed to math. i just never even considered it as an option#because i liked to read as a kid and that’s what all the english majors said#i’m just. tired. and i feel so bad realizing the fact that#multiple generations say the same thing. and yet nothing changes. because kids still feel like#they need to get their life planned out at 18#i don’t know a good way to get through. because kids always feel like ‘rip to you but i’m different’#and maybe they are!! but we need better education and guidance imo#idk. i just feel completely lost still scrambling for a path to not feel like a failure#and i have no idea what that means because i’ve already exhausted the option i’m familiar with#catch me. a grown adult. going to a career fair for high schoolers just to scope it out#the good thing is i could probably pass for 17#mine
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vlindervin7 · 2 years
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muslims will act violently homophobic in a country that values gay rights and then act shocked when it reflects badly on their community
#non muslims pls don’t interract but i’m sooo mad i just need to rant#also prefacing this by saying obvs muslims are not to blame for racism and islamophobia in europe these things would still exist without#all the controversy but omggg#so this group of lgbt muslims planned an iftar for other queer muslims and they had to cancel it bc of the threats they received#and now ofc all the politicians are going on abt how they cannot accept intolerance and this behaviour is unacceptable in a society that#preaches equal rights for queer people#and like… was that not to be expected??? the very muslims who do shit like this will be the first to scream islamophobia but are you making#ANY effort#this meeting was not for you it does not affect you you don’t even have to think abt it but what makes you think sending threats of#physical violence during the holy month of RAMADAN is smth you should be doing#there is nothing surprising abt the far right (who don’t even support queer rights themselves) to jump on this opportunity to make sure#everyone knows that look!! those muslims refuse to adopt our good belgian values#and yk they’d find smth anyway but let’s avoid adding fuel to their fire by giving them real actual reasons to be concerned#and on the one hand it does feel like victim blaming bc marginalised groups shouldn’t be held responsible for the hatred targeted at them#and it’s not muslims’ fault but i’m just so tired like they really can’t help themselves#something so deeply wrong with muslims who make hating queer people their number one priority like… i don’t think you understand what your#beloved faith stands for#it’s just such a shame to have to start ramadan with this kind of discourse everywhere#exactly 0% of this is surprising i could’ve predicted this would happen exactly but it’s just so tiring on all accounts#you want to live your religion in piece without being targeted for it? what makes you think attacking other ppl wanting the very same thing#is a logical response? use your brain and spend some time doing dhikr instead of spreading hate on the internet what is wrong with you
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nokiidot · 1 year
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yeah I may have to block some s*bm*s artists who don’t tag angst
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deus-ex-mona · 2 years
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there’s a non-non-zero chance of success though… _(:3 」∠)_
#long depressing rant in the tags incoming ig? take warning!!#maybe it’s bc it’s 3am and i’m tired or maybe it’s bc of the 8-9 hour old fried vermicelli that i just gave up on eating but my head hurts~~#or maybe it could even be bc i spent like 3 hours unpacking my boxes (note: my fam moved last month) instead of chilling like i wanted to…#either way i saw some things while unpacking that i really should’ve left in the distant past and i’m feeling as empty as my stomach pre-米粉#though i did uncover a dogtag i had engraved years ago with nothing but a ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) on it so that was pretty funny#but other than that… i remembered all the weird things i had given up on in the past via the things i unearthed…#like cooking! i unpacked this huge 1k+ page thick cookbook thing and remembered that i had a phase where i liked to cook#then i remembered that i had mistaken salt for sugar while making some meat dish with a ton of soy sauce and byebye cooking confidence :(#and to add to that i also read a past essay of mine about my culture and i remembered my grandma and i. yeah.#and i also saw stuff from my old hobbies that i had to give up on due to money/time constraints and i just. yeah.#and not to forget all the stuff from my former friends… i swear i always get ghosted the moment we affirm that we’re friends lol#am i a walking maxed social link or something? lol? yeah i have no irl friends. none.#i’ve gotten used to it though~ i don’t mind having no friends. it leaves me with more time for myself and my sleep~#it’s just that… sometimes i get the urge to hop over the country border for some ~chewing gum~ shopping… but there’s no one to go with lol#or like when i see interesting-looking events going on at local attractions but there’s no one to check it out with… or something.#and that got me wondering… am i just wasting my life or something? it’s a new year right? so i should make some lifestyle changes too right?#…​and so i bought a hairdryer for the first time a few days back. yeah. that’s enough change for 1 year. lol#who needs friends when you can have a nice warm hairdryer? blast away good pal!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyways yeah. that’s my 3am rant of the day. sorry if you read this lol#sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂#h e lp i forgot to disable rbs on this for a bit i hate 3am brain smmmm </3
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archiveofyearning · 2 years
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strohller27 · 1 year
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#hoo boy lads I’m going out of my mind I have so much to do and no time to do it#‘you could have planned this out better’ Bitch I am the first person in my immediate family#who has even thought seriously about moving to a different country#and I HAVE ALREADY lived in another country before but it was within the confines of an exchange programme#nobody knows what I’m doing this time around and therefore nobody can help me plan#I’ve been feeling burnt out since Fall of 20-goddamn-22#and last semester I learned that my master’s degree programme cannot accommodate the thesis I want to write#life took my plans and ripped them up into millions of little pieces#and yeah you can say ‘tough shit. that’s life’ but I’m SO TIRED of this happening#because my whole life has been like that#‘you can make your own decisions when you have your own house/apartment/life’#OKAY you’ve been telling me that my whole life BUT WHEN IS IT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?#I am TRYING to take my life by the horns and make things happen but#I can’t help noticing how precarious my position is#I have to drive across country hoping my only form of transportation doesn’t somehow fail me#I have to set up a new life in a new country where I don’t know anyone and I have never lived before#it’s like trying to build a house off the side of a cliff. one wrong move? one really bad day? and I’m toast.#and yeah I signed up for this but it’s because I’M SO TIRED OF WAITING for things to fall into a place that would make this change easier#nothing’s getting easier! everything just keeps getting harder! and no matter how many times I keep beating my head against the wall#hoping I can make things fall into place…nothing seems to change for the better. and I’m sick of it!#they say good things come to those who wait but I’ve been waiting for twenty!! goddamn!! years!! and things are still the same#like standing water it just sits there and festers#I want to stop merely surviving and start LIVING for once#I want to *do* something but I need support and I feel bad asking for it#why is it so hard to make myself believe I’m allowed to take up space? why is it so hard to ask for help??#maybe because I’m worried that I’m not allowed to take up space..and I know that when I ask for help#it’s often met with non-committal sayings and shrugs and ‘well okay. you tell me what you need to do and we’ll figure it out.’#maybe I don’t know what I need to do! maybe I need help figuring that out! it doesn’t help when all I hear is ‘yep. adulting is hard’#LIKE I DIDN’T FUCKEN KNOW THAT. maybe instead of stating the obvious we could FIGURE OUT A WAY TO MOVE FORWARD?!#I’m going absolutely out of my fucken mind
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whimsyprinx · 2 years
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in hindsight I know the majority of my anxiety around friendship (and in general) pertains to the fact that my longest friendship is falling apart and idk what to do about it
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