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maple-the-awesome · 4 months

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He Becomes a Dad! || Part 1/2

PART 2

Pairing: Time, Four, Legend, Hyrule x Reader

Overview: Congratulations, you're new parents 🎉 Some of the Links are prepared. Others...might need a moment to gather themselves. But rest assured! At the end of the day, they're all going to get a handle on this whole dad thing. I'm a sucker for family tropes and there simply aren't enough out there for the Chain to quench my thirst, so here it is, I'm adding my contribution👍 Btw, there will be only two parts for this prompt since Wind will be excluded for obvious reasons. Baby making isn't a platonic activity🤷‍♀️

Zelda Masterlist 🩵Fandom Masterlist

You only brought the topic of children up to your husband once. It was at some point during the early half of your marriage and after a particularly lengthy day of enduring Malon’s well-meant pestering. Time, beside being caught slightly off guard, delivered a straightforward answer:

“It wouldn’t feel right bringing kids into this world, especially when I would hardly be home to help you rear them.”

Now, you can’t lie and say you weren’t at all disappointed by this answer, although you wouldn’t say you had the rug completely pulled from beneath you. You understood the true implications behind Time’s statement right away. It’s the same reason he took so long to let himself marry you. It’s not you nor a disgust towards children, but rather an unspoken fear of building a life where he’s too happy - one that could be ripped away from him at a moment’s notice as has seemed to be the case for his younger years.

Although his worries are needless, you never pushed against his boundaries because you could at least see the sense in his argument. Sure, the idea of having children did always appeal to you deep down, however between Time’s constant traveling and your hard work helping at Lon Lon Ranch, it would be difficult to squeeze a family into the schedule. There was no sense in forcing him into a commitment he wasn’t ready for nor one you weren’t in a position to properly foster.

Twelve years of blissful marriage passed before your plans changed. The blame lies with those other heroes, too. One would think traveling alongside a group of unruly young boys would’ve made someone more certain of their decision to never again subject themselves to such a headache, yet it apparently had the opposite effect on your dear husband.

Discovering first hand how much pride he could feel towards a descendant was life-altering, to put it light. Twilight was living proof that somewhere along the line, Time does something right. Whatever kids he might have will grow up to have children of their own and so on…Not to mention Twilight isn’t a terrible outcome by any means. To raise someone with the possibility of them turning out like him and to do so with you of all people? Well, needless to say, it was settled rather quickly after that: Time wanted kids.

Call it baby-fever if you will, but he was suddenly rather eager about the concept he had once avoided like the plague. He brought it up through not-so-subtly hints at first, then when you outright asked him if he was being serious, he went on a slightly nervous spew about your home being too quiet and how he could officially retire from traveling to be home more and it’s really a shame that you have an extra bedroom just sitting around - You just had to kiss him to shut him up which eventually led to…other things. Let’s just say you both got started right away.

It took you twelve years to realize you did indeed want kids yet less than a year to actually be holding them for the first time. It turns out even the universe was impatiently waiting for you both to come to your senses, so once you finally had, it decided to award you with not one, but two beautiful girls whom you affectionately named Saria after Time’s old friend and Mallory, a mix between melody and Malon, their ever-so-excited godmother.

It’s safe to say that the twins are pretty spoiled. Malon has been over almost everyday, bringing you plenty of baked goods as a bribe to let her spend more time with her favorite goddaughters and you have practically every baby related item that you could need, courtesy of the Queen of Hyrule herself, but of course, it’s their parents who love them the most.

Never in his wildest dreams did Time think it would be possible to feel so at peace with the life he’s built. For so many years, he feared true happiness was impossible - that every turn would result in the same cruel fate he had been subjected to during most of his existence - and yet for the last couple of nights, he’s held it in his arms. He’s watched the moon rise outside his window while playing soft lullabies on his ocarina, you cuddled by his side with your daughters shared between you both. You wear a small smile even in sleep and he swears the girls match it, too; he definitely does himself…This is a priceless treasure he’ll give his life to protect.

Four and you had already been married for a few years by the time you found out you’re pregnant. It’s not to say you were actively planning for it, although you also weren’t actively trying not to either.

It had been agreed upon early in your relationship that kids would be nice should they come your way, therefore you were both equally excited that your wishes were finally being granted, so much so that the nursery was finished within the first month (courtesy of your handy husband). It’s painted in beautiful pastels that are easy on the eyes and decorated with many toys Four had hand-carved himself; a useful craft he’s now very appreciative towards Sky for teaching him.

Seeing as this was already a somewhat anticipated next step in your lives, Four’s pretty relaxed throughout the process despite its many challenges. For starters, pregnancy itself unfortunately isn't as much of a 'blessing' for you as some have made it sound. You’re rather sick from beginning to end. If it isn't your inability to keep food down (especially in the early stages) or your fluctuating blood pressure, then it’s the aching you constantly feel thanks to both your very heavy bump and extremely active baby who just loves to make sure you never forgot about their existence by kicking you as hard as possible day and night.

Worry not. Four has made your struggles more bearable by being a darling husband through and through. He’s by your side during each doctor’s visit, does his own personal research on all things baby-related, and helps with every chore he can to give you at least some rest even if just for a quick nap, however most spectacularly, he does all of this without ever being too overbearing.

Although certainly concerned for your health, Four can recognize your strength any day of the week, especially when you've been rolling with the punches like a warrior queen during such a draining pregnancy. Anxious, sure, but not afraid. Why would he be? He’s confident that you’re both prepared to face anything together! …That is, until you actually went into labor…

Yeah, remember that previously mentioned, relaxed and darling husband? Forget about him. Your water broke and so did Four's calm demeanor, but can he really be blamed? You went into labor early - and not just by a couple of days either. Oh no, we're talking a couple of weeks early.

Regardless of his newfound fear, Four does his utmost best to still present himself as calm and collected in front of you, not wanting to freak you out any more than you’re already freaking out yourself. He first helped you lay down with plenty of pillows and cushions before running to get help. After that, he doesn’t leave your side, encouraging you throughout the process with a smile on his face, however don’t be fooled: the second you turn your head to the midwife’s voice or close your eyes to scream, your poor husband’s face reflects his inner thoughts as the situation fully begins to sink in. 'Scared shitless' - that's a good word to describe it; eyes wide in terror with a mouth that’s hung agape and slightly twisted in pain as your nails clawed into his hand.

As said, he never leaves your side - not even for a millisecond. You don’t have to worry about him being the type of guy to get grossed out by natural fluids or complain about your expressions of pain; none of that is remotely a concern of his. He’s just grateful to see you okay and even more so to hear his baby crying as they should.

A girl; small like her daddy, but healthy all things considered. Four couldn't wait to hold her, knowing damn well he was going to cry the second her soft skin touched his, but he isn’t ashamed of it in the slightest. Who wouldn’t cry holding something so precious?

Then you scream again. He thinks something must be wrong until the midwife announces that it isn’t over - that there are more squeezed in there waiting.

At the end of the day, you're just relieved to finally breathe easy without going through agonizing pain while Four, on the other hand, is left in shock staring at not one, not two, but three little babies, all healthy girls who wiggle and whimper in their parents' arms, but oh well. The nursery may have to be expanded, although there's plenty of love to go around. At least he can thank Hylia that it wasn’t quads (he's had enough of those).

Legend and you have been in a relationship for several years, although you had mutually agreed earlier on that neither of you were big fans of the whole 'marriage' thing. What difference would a ceremony and piece of paper make, anyway? You already act as any officially married couple would. You live together, go on dates, occasionally argue, and even share a bed which is exactly what resulted in a recent, unplanned detour in your lives: a baby.

When you first told Legend the news, he panicked, asking himself all those stupid questions like ‘what now’ and ‘how could this have happened’ even though he knew damn well how. Then he left. Giving some half-assed excuse about needing fresh air, he turned his back to you despite your pleas and didn’t return for hours.

Now, rest assured, he did immediately regret having that reaction and apologized for it as soon as he came home. He didn’t mean to scare you with the thought of abandonment, but as he would quietly confess during his apology, the thought of being a parent had just been too overwhelming in the moment. Neither of you had ever talked about having kids, and while he could at least have some peace of mind knowing you’ll obviously be a great mom, he fears that the same won’t be applied to him.

You have always been the light in a dim room, as Legend would put it. You’re fun, sweet, and amazing with kids. Any child of yours, planned or not, will love you with all of their heart exactly as he does. Meanwhile he’s stubborn, cranky, and the last kid to cross his path literally started sobbing. Maybe it had to do with him being covered in monster blood after just having crawled out of a dungeon but he’s pretty sure he traumatized a kid nonetheless…The thought of being just as bad around any kid you share together scares the crap out of him.

Deep, deep down, Legend’s actually somewhat excited to be a father. Although he’s too stubborn to admit it to anyone other than you, he’ll sometimes daydream about how nice it would be to tell a little replica of you both about all his adventures or to teach them how to use some of the items he’s collected over the years like his trusty boomerang. Seeing the excitement in their eyes would definitely be worth listening to you scold him afterwards. If that’s all there was to being a father, Legend wouldn’t have a single concern, yet it’s his insecurities that always have a habit of souring things. Would his kid actually find his stories cool or would they just be tempted to throw the boomerang right at his head?

You’ve done your best to reassure him, often falling back on the argument that the baby will be a part of him. Like father, like son, right? Legend was almost ready to believe you, too, especially upon laying eyes on his child for the first time. As you passed the tiny bundle over to him, he thought that maybe being a dad wasn’t going to be that scary after all, and it might not be so bad to even have more someday either…However, his worries were quick to return when the baby started screaming two seconds after being set into his arms…

Baby screams if he holds him. Baby whimpers if he looks at him for too long. Sometimes, Legend swears the thing starts crying simply by hearing his voice in another room. It doesn’t happen with anyone else, though. The baby just adores you as predicted, but what Legend can’t stand is the fact that the baby seems to like Ravio, of all annoyances, over his own dad.

He’s forced to watch as the little brat happily lets Ravio cradle him, the sight filling him with bitter jealousy and sorrow. You’re convinced that he’s just overthinking everything - that he should give himself time to adjust to his new position as a father instead of holding himself to unrealistic standards, but how long is he exactly supposed to wait until it clicks? It’s been a whole month already and he still feels as confused as day one! Will he ever get the hang of this whole dad-thing or is he a lost cause…?

If there’s any comfort Legend can have, it’s that even Ravio doesn’t know what to do with the baby once he starts crying, so at least he’s not alone in that aspect. The only problem is you’re busy making lunch and stubbornly refuse to pause your efforts. Instead, you shove a bottle over to Legend, insisting that he be the one to feed his son since it should be a ‘good bonding exercise’ for them. You won’t take ‘no’ for an answer and judging on your glare when he tries to protest, you probably wouldn’t be happy if he tries passing the task onto Ravio either.

Thus, Legend is left to awkwardly sit down and take the baby into his arms. He already knows it’s obvious he has no idea what he’s doing, Ravio doesn’t have to point it out, but luckily after some swift around, he manages to hold his son more securely against his chest before shoving the bottle in his face. The baby continues to fuss while turning his head away from the bottle, and Legend’s almost tempted to call for you in defeat until at last, the room falls silent.

Looking down, he watches in quiet awe as his son accepts his meal eagerly. His little hands quickly rise up, gripping onto Legend’s which holds the bottle in place. They’re so tiny; barely able to wrap around a single finger - Oh, and his eyes as well! They’re wide as he stares up at his dad with unbroken eye contact. It’s like a wordless conversation - one more valuable than any he’s heard before.

You return, offering to take your son now that your work is done, but Legend is quick to shake his head. Why don’t you take a well-deserved break while he handles this little troublemaker? It would be a shame to bother him when he looks so comfortable in daddy’s arms.

You've been dating Hyrule for longer than either of you can really remember, however you aren’t in any big rush to get married, figuring that it would make no real difference in your commitment to each other. You love Hyrule and he loves you. What more is there to say? For a while there, you were both perfectly satisfied with simply taking things slow and letting fate decide your course, although more recently you’ve had to switch up that method to something more stable for the baby. Yes, a baby.

You wouldn’t necessarily call it a surprise, but you also can’t truthfully say it was planned either. You had agreed that kids might be nice if the goddesses ever blessed you with any in the future, however you weren’t exactly trying for them…You just weren’t being very careful…

Hyrule must admit he was rather nervous at the start. The only prior experience he really had around kids was with Wind, but there’s a pretty big difference between a young teen and newborn. Pair that with his not so ‘kid-friendly’ world and there’s plenty to worry over. Anything could happen, but Hyrule’s determined to be the best dad and partner he can.

First thing was first, of course: you needed a place to stay. Traveling is fun and you both enjoy being on the move, but that’s no life for a baby. Hyrule and you had actually already considered the idea of settling down someplace before, so you didn’t think of it as a massive loss to take off your adventure boots for a while. If anything, it was a welcomed change once you remembered how lovely it is to be able to kick your feet up for a rest or be surrounded by warmth during a terrible rainstorm.

Again, Hyrule takes his job as your partner very seriously which wasn’t ever a surprise to you. He found a small house for you both to rent in one of the safer villages around; a perfect place for raising a child. While he might not have a talent for decorating or making a place feel ‘homey’, he does thrive when it comes to making sure you’re comfortable, his spare rupees definitely going to fluffy wool blankets and a rickety rocking chair that he saw at a market.

Early on in the pregnancy, you noticed that your boyfriend also began showing a new found determination for cooking which did scare you a bit at first - Okay, so maybe a lot. Hyrule began taking cooking lessons from some kind elderly ladies in town who must have an endless pool of patience because while you can’t say every dish is a masterpiece (or even editable for that matter), you are happy to say Hyrule can now make things like toast and tomato soup successfully. It’s progress.

There aren’t a ton of doctors in your time and none in your village, so you have to take a lot of notes from local women regarding the process. Hearing all their stories and the possible ‘what if’s for what could go wrong made you anxious, especially once you finally go into labor, but it doesn’t faze Hyrule - not on the outside, anyway. He does an excellent job of swallowing his own fears for your peace of mind, talking you through each painful contraction and doing his best to distract you from it all until it comes time to start pushing.

Some people may get squeamish at the thought of childbirth, however Hyrule isn’t one of them. He’s fought through some terrifying dungeons and has bore witness to more than a few gory injuries over the years, so bodily fluids don’t bother him one bit. He’s kneeled down right in front of you without a second’s hesitation, multitasking between mentally reviewing what he’s been told to do and reassuring you even though he’s sure you don’t hear a word of it over your own screams.

One minute Hyrule’s encouraging you to keep pushing, the next he’s holding a small, crying baby in his arms. His movements after that feel almost automatic as he carefully cleans her off and just admires the fact that this baby - this tiny, precious gift of life is his. She’s yours and his and she’s beautiful despite having come into existence within such a broken world filled with more hardships than he could count…

Your tired voice brings him back to reality - asking if the baby you hear crying is okay. You clearly feel the same thing Hyrule does upon seeing your daughter for the first time, the two of you sitting side-by-side as you soak in this wonderful emotion. Hope...That’s what she represents. Hope for a brighter future...

#x reader #reader insert #linked universe x reader #link x reader #linked universe #lu time x reader #lu chain #lu legend x reader #lu four x reader #lu hyrule x reader #legend of zelda #legend of zelda x reader

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shyvioletcat · 14 days

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~ MASTERLIST ~

While we wait for Taylor Swift to break our hearts, thought I might dabble a bit in that myself. We get a bit of insight into Rowan this chapter and I lent into canon a little bit. This is the *ADVICE* prompt thanks to @throneofglassmicrofics.

CW: Off page character death

~~~~~

Rowan liked his new house, it was practical, easy to maintain and the neighbourhood turned out to be nicer than he was expecting. The street was quiet, nothing more than the occasional backyard party disturbed him the nights after work or on the weekends. Unless he fully committed to choosing the true life of a hermit and hid away far off in the mountains, Rowan couldn't escape all human contact. And besides his purposefully casual interactions at work and the obligatory check-ins with his friends and family he was managing to avoid the unnecessary kinds. He’d been informed more than once that this outlook wasn’t healthy, but it was how he managed. Especially today.

Today marked three years to the day the life he had known shattered into pieces. Time had dulled the constant ache, but this date still haunted him. Rowan had moved here once the haze had cleared enough that he had the drive to seek out a new job and a new start. Or he might just have been running away, his personal reasoning usually depended on his mood.

It had been like any other day, Rowan was making dinner waiting for his wife to get home when the phone had rung. In the middle of stirring the butter chicken that Lyria had specially requested out of the blue, he hadn’t bothered to note who the caller was. His blood ran cold at the first words: this is Doranelle General Hospital. After that he was given the instructions that he needed to get to the hospital as soon as he could.

The drive went by in a blur, but he’d got there. When he gave his name received a look that was full of sympathy and he knew. Rowan knew right then and there but he forced himself into denial. It was hard to ignore when a doctor rounded the corner next and led Rowan to a private room to tell him the devastating truth.

There was a car accident.

Lyria had died.

She was pregnant.

Rowan had sat there, stunned, devoid of feeling, because of the one little fact that he didn’t know. Lyria was pregnant, she was pregnant and she hadn’t told him. Rowan had left the hospital a broken man and three years later he still hadn’t been able to piece himself back together.

It was a rare thing for Rowan to take a day off work, but that was for the better. His mood was foul and people didn’t deserve to have that inflicted on them. Each year it got better—no, easier—and he didn’t know if it was a bad thing or a good thing. The shame and guilt of not being there when he should have would plague him forever.

To keep the demons at bay he chose running. This was his fourth lap around the block, everytime he had approached his front yard he’d told himself one more, he wasn’t ready to go home just yet. So he pushed himself for another, then another, and despite the burning in his lungs and the lagging of his feet he might just go around again. Rowan might just have if his neighbour pulling into her driveway hadn't pulled him up. He slowed down to a jog when he saw the car approaching the driveway so she wouldn’t have to stop for him.

It had been about a month since their first interaction and they hadn’t had another since. She remained the only niggling irritation Rowan had with living here. This woman had come at him so viciously and he was still feeling the need to defend himself. He had watched her almost drop her baby just to get the bins down to the curb. Anyone with any sense would have accepted the help instead of making a point.

That irritation rose when she slowed down so much that Rowan basically had to stop on the path. He got it, he really did, but anything and everything got to him today. In the end he used this as an excuse to go home. Maybe he could force some food down and see if he could sleep off the rest of his mood. Rowan walked on the path in front of her lawn and as he took out his earbud he caught sight of her waving him down. Confused, he stopped just watching as his neighbour walked across the grass.

“Hi,” she said tightly, obviously not pleased about the conversation she had been the one to start.

Unable to do much else, Rowan matched her energy. “Hi.”

Those unusual eyes narrowed at him, and not wanting to be the focus of her ire he shifted his attention to the baby she was holding. It was a mistake. Looking at her was like a shot to the chest. She had brown eyes and hair, her tiny fist was curled from where it clung to her mother’s shirt. What sent him staggering was that this child’s colouring was so similar to Lyria’s. An ill-timed reminder of what could have been. His neighbour talking gave him something else to focus on.

“I snapped at you, I’m sorry,” she said.

The scoff he made was involuntary, as were the words that came out of his mouth next, no chance to temper them against his anger. “It must have been so hard to track me down. It’s been a month. You’ve had plenty of chances to apologise before now.”

The woman all but reared back, at this point Rowan didn’t care about the verbal lashing he was going to get.

“Take my advice,” she all but hissed, shifting the baby in her arms—shifting her away. “Don’t be a dick when someone’s trying to apologise.”

That was their conversation done, the still nameless woman stomped across her lawn and into the house, the front door not quite slamming but obviously closed with some force. Rowan was well aware all he had done was add fuel to the fire, and it shouldn’t have bothered him as much as he did. He didn’t have the energy or time for this, the best thing for him to do was ignore his volatile and irksome neighbour. Something that would be more than easy for him to do.

~~~~~

After copious amounts of editing I only went over by 42 words, which is a pretty good effort.

#rowaelin fanfiction #throne of glass microfics

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butterflies-and-yuta · 30 days

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Limits - Nakamoto Yuta

Summary: Now that you were single and broken up with your shitty ex boyfriend, you now met someone who has not only gotten their heartbroken by their ex, but also is willing to help you get over him by basically fucking you better than your ex has ever did....

Genre: Fluff and Angst

Trigger warning: Physical Abuse, Physical Assault, Slut Shaming, Cheating, etc...

Quick Disclaimer: This is part 1 of a 2 part story, the other story will have the spicier stuff in it so stay tuned...

Part 1

Y/N P.O.V

You couldn't believe it, you couldn't believe your boyfriend of 3 years had not only broken up with you but has also cheated on you with someone that goes to the same school as you. So now things are incredibly more awkward now as you try your best to avoid social groups and her specifically but then you had class, and that class had her in it so that's just made it more awkward now.

But you didn't focus on it too much since you're in school and your education matters more than an insatiable man's penis, and as you were about to take your seat with your friends, you saw the girl move towards to your spot and your friends were about to confront her but you told them not to so you just took a spot that was 2 rows further back away from them and proceeded with your work as class was staring to begin.

While you were sitting down and focusing on what today's subject was about, you couldn't help but feel a stare from behind you, normally you would be bothered by it since you're not used to it but you couldn't help but feel like peaking a little bit so you slowly turned your head to the left to see who was looking at you from behind and no one was looking at you except for him.

Yuta Nakamoto, how can I explain who he is, well apart from the fact that he is not only intimidating and cold-looking but is also kind of popular around here since he is friends with some other blokes and mostly close with a guy name Johnny Suh. you mostly heard good stuff about them especially Yuta, but you also heard about a rumour spreading around that he also got cheated on by his ex as well.

Your stories are a bit similar with each other but you just couldn't comfort him or at least talk to him about it since 1: you two weren't really close, 2: since he does have that intimidating and cold-look to him, it's a bit tricky trying to see if he's interested or not, and 3: even though you'd like to get close to him, you two are still people dealing with infidelity and broken hearts, it just wouldn't be the right time to do something that was romantic and intimate with each other.

But there is something about this person that makes you curious and wants to know more about him, mainly because he's not only so different from your ex, but also personality wise as well, when you met your ex, he was like those tiktok boy but more down to earth.

But after a while of you two dating each other, he started focusing more on his appearances and also his social status as well, he never even bothered bringing you to some of his social gatherings, which you didn't like due to how loud they were but there were times in which he has went to some silent functions without you, even some of his friends that you met were surprised to find out that their mate had a girlfriend.

And then came the day, the day you finally caught him in the act. You were at a restaurant with your friends to celebrate their birthday, but unfortunately you saw your ex there with not only his mistress, but she also had the same gifts as he had gotten when you saw them back at home.

And when you went to confront him about, his girl started talking about how she knew you from her school, that was when you found out that she went to the same school as you. You couldn't handle it, you slam the roses on him and threw the jewellery box he got for you at him, and even told his new girlfriend "And good luck with my sloppy seconds too bitch", which at first felt mean but after she started treating you badly at school, she kinda deserved it.

And ever since that day, you've been trying your best to just move on and just forget that had ever happened, but somehow karma was not on your side. As the news went around the school, you started to hear people whispering about you which at first you ignored but it started getting annoying and irritating that some of her friends would go throw soda cans along with crumpled up paper balls at your head. You just wanted to hope for the best and just hopefully be able to finish the school.

But as you sat there with Yuta that day, you started noticing him a bit more different now compared to the usual times. He had some piercings in which looked kinda cool, especially with his hair that seemed to be dyed red which isn't usual for you since you normally see him with dark hair, but what caught your attention more on him was that he keeps his bangs long enough to cover part of his eyes and the back of his hair medium length, he nearly looked like a anime character with the way his bangs look like they've been done with gel instead of cutting it.

But there was more to his hair than its own styling probably done by himself, It looks pretty soft too, so soft that you wished you ran your hands through his hair to feel it. But his fashion was just another story, he literally looked like he just stepped out of a Japanese Rock style fashion store, which isn't far off from his considering he is Japanese but you notice whenever your at school with him that he would wear alternative clothing but make it more like how a rockstar would wear it. it was really cool and unique and you wished you could learn more about it.

But as you were you still looking at him, you caught back to reality as you snapped out of your gazing state and went back to focusing on your work. As class was finally finished, you were about to get up and walk out of a room when all of a sudden you got tripped over, causing you to fall at the bottom of the stairs and dropping your stuff on the floor. Luckily enough you weren't hurt and that your friends were there to check up on you.

You turned around to look it was none other that your ex's new girlfriend. "Whoopsie, you should really watch where you were going before speeding ahead into dangerous territory". your friends were nearly about to go off at her until you asked her what her business was with you. "What the fuck is your problem with me", you said in a aggressive and frustrated state.

"My problem with you is that you have been nothing but a dirty little skank". You couldn't help but retaliate with someone even worse than what she had said there, "At least I'm not a homewrecker and a cheater, so really, who's the dirty little skank here you fucking hypocrite". You were about to go off at her even more until someone came in to stop the both of you.

It was Yuta...Of all people...

"Who the fuck do you think are you to stop me from smashing her head in", she retaliated in a aggressive yet uncontrollable state. "The same guy you cheated on with someone else you slut". And with that, the fight was shutdown immediately with what Yuta has just said there, causing everyone to go their own seperate paths, especially you and your friends.

After the fight, you and your friends went to go get some takeaway off campus with your free lunch time until next class. As you and your friends got your meal and were about to leave, you saw Yuta hanging near the stairs while also enjoying himself with some food. You were about to walk away until your friends convince you to say thank you to him for sticking up for you, but you didn't want to considering it was rude and impolite in your eyes.

But your friends didn't want to hear it and kept buggering you about it until you finally gave in, causing them to continue walking back onto campus and leaving you by yourself with Yuta. You were about to walk back to the campus and get your things together for next class, but Yuta spoke up again, "Hey", you stopped when he spoke, "Was wondering why I still haven't gotten a thank you from you and yet you were about to walk away", you turned around and faced him before he said to you, 'How rude".

You thought he might've have meant it sarcastically and was going to reply back with more sarcasm but you suddenly realised it wasn't sarcasm at all, he actually wanted to get a thank you from you.

"Sorry, I didn't know you wanted a thank you from me, and from what happened before".

"No worries, and besides, I liked seeing the cute expression on your face during that whole ordeal" he complimented with a light smile and you felt flustered and your cheeks flushed bright red at his words along with smile, it felt so healing to you for some reason, but you were still blushing like a tomato which was a little bit embarrassing in your eyes.

"Oh wow, didn't think I would make you blush and act so shy immediately, are you sure you're the same chick I saw earlier today during that mini fight", he said trying to sound more funny and more sarcastically than he usually did, "Haha, yeah it's the same chick you're talking to, But anyway thanks for standing up for me, it means a lot considering I haven't gotten much luck here ever since then".

"Why's that", Yuta asked with a intrigued yet little hint of concerned in his face. "Well, I also got cheated on my by ex, but the issue is that girl back there that started on me was the girl my ex cheated on me with. So it's a bit more awkward now considering we go to the same school, and it doesn't help that her little posse are also picking on me as well".

After Yuta has heard that, his facial expression changed completely as he showed a worried yet annoyed look, before looking at you directly in the eyes "I swear if anyone tries hurting or harassing you in any way, tell me and I'll break their legs for you". That was definitely one threat he made there, but you decided to take it lightly and joke instead.

"Well you're a bit too late for that", you said to him in a joking way but it seemed like he didn't like how you were joking about it. His face and overall tone was now different than the warm one you were actually getting used to since he was the first guy you started to talk to after your breakup.

He was more colder than before, but something about him being more colder was comforting for some reason, maybe he was also scared as well since he didn't mention the fact that the girl there who was harrasing you was his ex girlfriend, but he didn't want to push you further since it wasn't his story to share but yours, plus he doesn't want you to hate him because of it.

"Well I guess I gotta go or else I'd be late", you said to Yuta as you went to pack up your stuff and left to head back to campus considering the time was nearly close for your next class to begin, leaving Yuta behind by himself, which at first he didn't minded but as you started walking a bit more farther from him, he couldn't help but to follow you but not in a creepy way, more of so to see if anyone would pick on you after the whole ordeal.

And it turned out to be correct as while he was following you, he saw your ex in the same hallway as you, confronting you about why you haven't picked up his calls and text.

"Since when did I have to pick up your calls and text, last time I checked we broke up because you cheated me. And speaking of which, where's your new girlfriend, oh that's right, she's somewhere in one of these classrooms saying how I'm the slut who cheated on you when it's very clearly she's the one who deserves to be called it, not me".

As you finished saying that and proceeded to walk away, he begins to grab you by your arm to pull you back and slammed you against the back of the wall, causing you to let out noises of pain as a result. "WHO THE FUCK, DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO CALL HER A SLUT WHEN YOUVE BEEN SEEING MY FRIENDS BEHIND MY FUCKING BACK". You were shocked by what he just said there, you have never slept with anyone during your relationship, especially his own friends, you weren't even close to them enough to commit acts like that. You guessed the guys must've been asking him as to why he never told them that you were his girlfriend, which probably resulted in him lying about it.

"Jesus Christ, couldn't you be more scummier than you were before, I never even slept with your friends you liar, and I find it ironic since you're the cheater here you moron.", you said to him since you couldn't even believe it but after a while of repeating the words he just said in your head, it started to become useless since they weren't even true.

You tried your best to get out of his grip but it was no use since he was stronger than you. Yuta couldn't handle what he was seeing, if there was one thing he hated more than what happened to him, is when men get violent with women, "he doesn't even deserve to be called a man". Yuta said in his mind, and this called a fuse in him to snap, not only this was the guy that cheated on you with his ex, but he was also making himself more likely to receive the same treatment.

As you were about to close your eyes to protect yourself from your ex about to swing at you, you saw a trashbin being thrown at your ex's head, causing him to groan in pain but also making him more furious at the situation. "WHO THE FUCK DID THAT". as the situation grew bigger by causing people to head to where the noice and commotion was coming from, So did Yuta's blood for rage and vengeance for you.

"I did". Yuta said in a loud voice, Causing your ex to throw you onto the floor to proceed with this guy who got involved at the wrong time, at least in his eyes. As he kept getting more closer to Yuta, he was about to knock him out with a swing but to your surprise, he was stopped by Yuta as he not only dodged him swing but also got the upper hand as he sucker punched him right in the centre of your ex's face, causing him to fall on the floor.

This made your ex even more furious and more wanting to kill this guy even more than before, who the fuck was he and why was he even getting involved in you and his conversation. "Was this one of the guys you "slept" with" he thought to himself in his delusional mindset. He couldn't take it, so he got himself up quickly again to attract Yuta again, luckily for Yuta this wasn't much of a challenge.

So as the two faught intensely, your ex kept trying to swing and kick at him but Yuta kept dodging it no matter how much speed and force your ex was trying to put into the fight, he was a really good fighter though, he was strategic, fast and swift like a shadow, and most importantly, he stood his ground correctly.

For one final ending to this fight, your ex tried to kick him again but lucky for Yuta, he grabbed his leg and dragged it towards him, causing your ex to fall to the floor on his head. With the fight showing clear signs that Yuta was winning, He decided to go for a couple of swings on your ex's face, causing your ex's face to become mangled and swollen because of it.

With the fight now done and over, with your ex on the floor damaged but not fully, Yuta standing tall above it with some minor blood on his fists, the hallway erupted into chaos as students gathered around, their murmurs blending into a cacophony of shock and curiosity. You lay on the floor, a mix of fear and relief flooding through you as you watched Yuta stand tall, his eyes blazing with a fierce protectiveness that sent shivers down your spine.

Ignoring the growing commotion around them, Yuta turned to you and walked towards where you were, his expression softening with concern. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice a stark contrast to the forceful way he had just handled the situation. You nodded, still reeling from the adrenaline of the confrontation.

After Yuta helped you get up from the floor, you both tried to process what had just unfolded, with the teachers had arrived, witnessing you, Yuta and your ex's current state, who was now sporting a rapidly swelling bruise on his cheeks and eyes. Amidst the chaos, you caught Yuta's eye, a silent understanding passing between you. Despite the violence that had just occurred, you couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude towards Yuta for stepping in to protect you.

Yuta had told the teachers "what happened" because he didn't want you and him to get into trouble so the teachers had escorted your ex away, his woozy protests fading into the distance as the hallway slowly emptied, leaving you and Yuta standing in the aftermath of the confrontation, luckily the students surrounding the area before didn't rat Yuta in. Taking a deep breath, you turned to Yuta, a mix of emotions swirling inside you.

"Thank you," you whispered, your voice barely above a hush. Yuta's gaze softened even further, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Anytime," he replied, his tone gentle yet firm. As you both stood there, the weight of the moment hanging heavy in the air, you couldn't help but feel a newfound connection to Yuta. It was a connection forged in the heat of conflict, yet tinged with a sense of mutual understanding and respect.

With a final nod, you both silently acknowledged the unspoken bond that had formed between you. As you gathered your things and prepared to head back to class, a sense of uncertainty lingered in the air, but so did a glimmer of hope for what the future might hold. And as you walked side by side with Yuta, the echoes of the confrontation fading into the distance, you couldn't shake the feeling that this was just the beginning of something new.

With the school hallway still reverberating the aftermath of the confrontation, a tense energy hanging thick in the air as students whispered and exchanged shocked glances at the encounter that they witnessed during class. Some students were still confused about what happened; What exactly happened? what made these two want to fight each other, was it because of you, you already had enough rumours spreaded about you as it is, especially after all that it was a fight, nothing more than a fight.

Even though you and Yuta hadn't spoken much since the two of you were in different classes, you didn't seem threatening to the other students al all, and although it could've been the amount of attention they were paying you due to the already known rumours about you, they thought it appeared more as a show of force rather than a act of bravery.

After all, everyone was starting to suspect there might be something going on between Yuta and you, especially with the way he kept glancing at you during classes that some of the people noticed, was this the guy that you had allegedly cheated with.

But regardless, you didn't need to deal with more gossip about the fight, the rumours and having to constantly worry about being harassed were already enough as it was and you didn't need anything else added on top of that, so you tried your best to leave as quickly as you can since you didn't want more drama happening enough as there was.

But luck was not on your side today, as class was finished for the day, you were leaving class in a fast pace, getting past some of the other students in the hallway and nearly exited out the front door, you were pushed down onto the floor at the front entrance, causing you to land on your knees and making you drop your things yet again. You already know who it was and didn't want to deal with her so you tried to gather your things and get back up but she kicked you back onto the floor yet again.

"It seems like you just can't get enough of being the centre of attention huh". She said to you as she kept her foot underneath your back, causing you no choice but to stay still underneath her since all of her force is on your back. "What do you want", you finally asked, trying to sound strong yet weak at the same time and failing miserably as you felt yourself start to break under her attacks, even though you wanted nothing more but to get her off of you and make this stop.

"Oh come on Y/n, we both know you wouldn't do anything about me unless you knew it'll help yourself". She responded, still keeping pressure on your back to ensure that you won't move any time soon. What was she talking about? Help yourself with what? Did she mean with whatever that asshole ex of yours was saying to her about what was happening, or with the fact that you're currently in a public place? where she has the power to make more rumours about you.

If the first option she mentioned is true than there was nothing you can really do to change anything about it. And then there's that possibility she could be referring to the fact that she is going to do her best to hurt you, and you don't think you can take any more of this crap.

So, taking a deep breath you decided that whatever she said, you weren't going to let it happen . "If you want a fight with me over a guy that cheated on me with you, then so be it". The sudden turn of events prompted her to momentarily cease her offensive maneuver. Seizing the opportunity, you swiftly reached for her elevated heel, specifically targeting the sharp dagger-like appendage.

With unwavering determination, you exerted a powerful force, yanking the heel in your direction while taking the chance to quickly rolled out from underneath her, causing her to lose her balance even more and end up falling down on her hands and butt. You got up off of the ground and turned around to see her glaring furiously at you, her eyes flashing an indignant shade of red and her face contorted in anger.

"How dare you!" she screamed, spitting venomously at you as she struggled to get up. "Well maybe you should've have thought about it before you decided to bully someone else, who's ex is the same guy you cheated on your fucking ex boyfriend with." As soon as you said that, all the students were surprised but also confused as to what just happened, did they just found out that you're actually the victim here and not her.

She couldn't believe it, it was all falling apart, she couldn't allow you to win, she was the main woman, you're the other woman, she can't just lose that easily. "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU SLUT." she snapped back at you, getting up in a fast pace to charge at you to finish the job.

But all of a sudden, she was stopped in her tracks, and it was none other than Yuta, realizing who it was, she tried to escape but it was too late, as Yuta dragged her and threw her into the ground, causing the fight to stop.

The students looked on in horror as they realized the situation they had just witnessed.

"You bitch", she spat, pushing herself to a sitting position and pulling herself upright, "Don't forget who's the biggest slut, I'll fucking kill you." She growled menacingly, turning to face you, a crazed expression on her face, ready to attack.

Yuta sighed as he stared down at her, shaking his head in exasperation as she continued yelling insults at you and tried to crawl towards you. He raised his hand, signaling for the teachers to remove her, causing the rest of the crowd to panic.

But before the teachers could come get her, Yuta had decided to whisper something into her ear. "If you ever touch her again or start something like this ever again, I'll make sure she'll treat you like how I treated your boyfriend, you understand." he said into her ear, making sure that if this ever happened again, he'll make sure that you take care of her like how he took care of your ex.

As the teachers came to the area, everyone was wondering what you said was actually the truth, were you actually the victim in this and that she was the mistress and you weren't. They looked at you with pity and sympathy now instead of hate and disgust, which was their look now at her as the teachers hauled her away from you, dragging her somewhere in the school while she was kicking and screaming all over the place, maybe it was probably to a empty classroom as she needs to calm down, where as soon as she was calm, the teachers had told her that she is required in the principals office where she would have no choice but to acknowledge that she would be getting her punishment the next day.

Once the teachers were gone along with the students, Yuta stepped forward, placing himself directly in front of you. Your body went rigid as his dark orbs bore deeply into yours, watching you struggle to keep eye contact, knowing full well that it would only prolong the inevitable (or at least you thought that was the cause).

And then, he smiled. "You okay?". he asked in concern, placing his hands gently onto your shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze.

You nodded your head shakily, looking anywhere but in his eyes. "Yeah, I'm okay, Thanks for helping me out there last minute." You said as you attempted a smile, attempting to mask the nervousness and shyness that were clearly evident within your voice from looking at Yuta.

He gave one last glance at you, his gaze lingered longer on your lips than you anticipated, and as much as you wanted to push him away, your heart was telling you otherwise as a sudden wave of heat rushed across your cheeks, and before you could register it fully, he leaned closer to you, and proceeded to press his lips against your forehead which caused your heart to flutter and your cheeks flush at once.

Then without another word, he was walking off, disappearing in the distance without looking back. But you tried to catch up with him to stop him. The tension in the air seemed to dissipate as you caught up with Yuta near your car parked at the campus entrance. His tall frame stood out amidst the bustling surroundings, his presence both comforting and enigmatic. As you hesitantly called out to him, his steps faltered, turning to face you with a curious expression.

"Hey," you exclaimed, your voice wavering slightly as you tried to gather your thoughts. The weight of the recent events bore down on you, making this moment feel both crucial and delicate. You needed answers, closure, and perhaps a sense of understanding in the whirlwind of emotions that had engulfed you.

"Why did you help me out there and before?" you inquired, your words hanging in the air, laden with unspoken questions and emotions. Yuta remained silent for a beat, his dark eyes holding a myriad of unreadable emotions before he finally spoke.

"Because you didn't deserve any of that crap my ex was putting onto you, especially since I found out that you were not only in the same position, but also that my ex was your ex's mistress," his voice was firm, yet laced with a hint of regret and understanding. The revelation hit you like a tidal wave, crashing over your already tumultuous thoughts and feelings.

A mix of emotions swirled within you, a complex tapestry of anger, betrayal, and a strange sense of camaraderie with Yuta. The pieces of the puzzle seemed to fall into place, connecting the dots of the tangled relationships and deceit that had ensnared you.

As the truth settled in, a new layer of understanding unfolded, casting a different light on the recent events. You already knew that she was your ex's mistress but the realization that the woman who had caused you so much pain was also Yuta's ex added a profound layer of complexity to the situation. It was a revelation that brought a strange sense of solidarity between you and Yuta, a shared experience of betrayal and deceit.

"Thank you so much for Today Yuta, I really do appreciate it.", "Hey, it's no problem, I wasn't gonna let her do that shit to you, and at least you knew how to defend yourself there." He complimented you there on your fighting skills, making you genuinely smile. But before he left, you asked him for his phone number, in which he typed into your Phone. Now that way, you can contact and talk to him whenever you want to.

And with the two of you saying goodbye to each other, you let Yuta go back to what he was doing which was probably continuing walking back home since school is over today. And as he disappeared into the distance, you were walking back to your car which was parked near the campus entrance. As you got inside your car and drove off, you couldn't stop thinking back to what happened. The rush of emotions and adrenaline from the confrontation with your ex's new girlfriend and Yuta was still coursing through you, leaving you feeling a mix of anger, hurt, and confusion.

The streets were bustling with people going about their day, but your mind was elsewhere, replaying the heated exchange over and over again. You couldn't believe that someone would treat you as a dirtbag like that. The words echoed in your mind, stinging with their sharpness.

But even as you tried not to let what happened affect you, the weight of it all settled heavy on your chest. The betrayal from your ex, the confrontation with his new girlfriend, and the unexpected support from Yuta — it was a whirlwind of emotions that you weren't sure how to process.

The drive back home gave you some much-needed time to reflect. The sun was beginning to set, casting a warm glow over the city skyline. With each passing mile, you felt a sense of clarity washing over you.

By the time you pulled into your driveway, the tension in your shoulders had eased slightly. You knew that tomorrow would probably bring its own challenges, but for now, you were determined to face them head-on, armed with a newfound sense of self-assurance.

That night as you laid in your bed, staring into the darkness of the room as you tried to fall asleep and as soon as you did, you started to dream that you were in the city, walking by yourself as you were wearing a new bold outfit that was almost similar to Yuta style but was more on the feminine side.

And as you were continuing your walk, you stumbled into a guy and it was none other than Yuta, what was he doing in your dream, were you dreaming about him, I mean you couldn't help it, but it still felt a little bit different than before, like it felt right, it felt like it belonged here with you.

But you snapped out of it when Dream Yuta asked you a question. "You want a smoke.", he asked in a rockstar type of voice, you couldn't deny it since it was in a dream so you accepted it.

While you were still smoking with Yuta in your dream, you couldn't help but feel sort of something for Yuta, like you wanted to kiss him and....have sex with him or something. and as your cigarette was about to run out, Yuta offered you his, but before he did, he did one more puff before blowing smoke rings at you, which you didn't care about and grabbed the cigarette of his and smoked it. He started getting more close to you, to the point where both of your skin were too close for contact.

As you continued smoking your cigarette, he took the cigarette out of your mouth and threw it to the side, extinguishing it with his foot, and proceeded to pull you in for a hot and steamy kiss against the cold weather that was making its presence here. You two couldn't stop, and as it progressed more intensely, the two of you pulled away but not too far, as both of your eyes looked into each other, you couldn't help but appreciate every little detail about Yuta, and he did the same as well.

However, all good dreams must come to an end as your phone wakes you up, wondering why your phone would get a notification this late. only to realize it was a text from Yuta nonetheless. "You'd probably be asleep by now, sorry if I wake you up accidentally, I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my place, I could use a little company, it's okay to text no if you don't want to."

You were surprised with Yuta's boldness, but you decided to text him back saying you'll be right over, and what will happen after that night will leave you conflicted, but overall surprised by how it turned out.

Hello everyone, I am back with new content, and I was thinking since I did a new rebranding, why not have the first story be about none other than the Nakamoto Yuta himself. But yeah, this is a story that's been in my development hell for a while since I had no idea what to do, but since I'm coming back, I decided to focus on this one as my comeback story. And btw, there'll be a part 2 to this one that will contain smut in it since it's been a while that I wrote something that contained smut in it.

But yeah, I'm glad to be back and creating more content and reviving old stories of mine that deserve to be seen by everyone, and I'm overall happy...but yeah, that is my little quick announcement, so there'll be a part 2 of this, happy to be back and don't forget to leave a like, a repost along with a comment either for requests or supports and my DMS are also open for requests as well and I see you guys later...bye....

#nct 127 #nct fanfic #nct 127 scenarios #nct angst #nct scenarios #yuta nakamoto #nakamoto yuta #nakamoto yuta imagine

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robininthelabyrinth · 10 months

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The Other Mountain - ao3 - Chapter 5

Pairing: Lan Qiren/Wen Ruohan

Warning Tags on Ao3

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Lan Qiren woke up at the usual time for his sect, which was well before most people in the Nightless City were up and about.

Most, though not all, of course. It was said that in the aptly named Nightless City, there were always people awake and about their business no matter what time it might be, its corridors always illuminated until it seemed as though the sun truly never set. Lan Qiren had found that to be true, bright lights and constant activity both, and today the Nightless City was living up to its magnificent reputation. Even now, early in the morning, he could hear the distant sound of footsteps in the corridors outside his courtyard, the distant clatter of things being moved around in preparation for breakfast, the murmur of voices pitched low to avoid disturbing those who were still sleeping.

The ceaseless noise had driven Lan Qiren up the wall the previous times he had visited the Nightless City, but now…now he found himself grateful for it.

At least I know I am not alone.

The feeling of relief probably wouldn’t last more than a month. Indeed, half a month was more likely, since Lan Qiren generally disliked noisiness as a rule…but for the moment it was fine.

He was fine.

Mostly.

Lan Qiren got out of bed and began going through his usual morning routine, or as close as he could get to it in this strange new place. Luckily, he had been a guest in the Nightless City several times before, albeit always previously in the guest quarters, and this meant that he had some notion of where things were placed, rendering the location not as strange as it could have been. In fact, previous visits meant that he had already come up with a modified version of his morning routine that he could feel comfortable with, ensuring that he still had rules to follow and was not completely unmoored. The familiarity was good.

It would be enough to postpone the inevitable meltdown he was going to have once he realized he was trapped here permanently for at least another day or two.

(He would need to make a plan to deal with that. Somehow. Without thinking too much about it, lest he trigger it early – he didn’t want anyone to see him having an undignified emotional fit like that, not if he could prevent it.)

At least everything seemed to have gone well with Wen Ruohan.

Well, as well as he could possibly expect, anyway. It was Wen Ruohan, after all.

Wen Ruohan, who was now his wife.

Lan Qiren had no idea what to do about that.

He was married.

He still couldn’t quite bring himself to believe it.

If Lan Qiren started thinking about it for too long, his brain felt as though it was starting to overheat, so full of thoughts that he couldn’t keep a single one straight in his head – and yet he couldn’t not think of it, either. Multiple attempts to puzzle it through had not helped: he could accept the initial step, could acknowledge his brother’s decision to send him off to marry out as a husband to some other family, but anything beyond that simply refused to process. And yet the facts were what they were, and the truth had to be confronted.

He was married.

He had a wife.

That wife was Wen Ruohan.

How utterly bizarre!

Lan Qiren had not been lying the evening before, when he had told Wen Ruohan that it being him that Lan Qiren was marrying made the whole thing easier. That his brother had somehow managed to convince Wen Ruohan to agree to be his bride – though in retrospect, now that he thought about it, it seemed to him to be more likely that it was Wen Ruohan that had done the convincing, given his penchant for schemes designed to increase his power though obscure means known only to himself – solved any number of Lan Qiren’s most pressing concerns about losing face for his sect, which had been his primary worry. Lan Qiren had never asked for much for himself, but he would not let his sect be shamed by him, and Wen Ruohan had the status, power, and rank to make such a match into something less than hideously embarrassing. After all, a sect leader couldn’t possibly marry out to another sect; that was even more beyond the realm of the possible than the idea of Lan Qiren, a Great Sect’s second son and heir, doing so.

Even Wen Ruohan’s personal reputation for engaging in all types of wicked plots was useful.

Simply because Wen Ruohan was involved, once the news of their marriage spread, people would react to the revelation with suspicion, rather than mockery. Such a marriage proposal was so incredibly unlikely, so incredibly unorthodox, that everyone looking at it would immediately get the wrong idea about it. After all, if Wen Ruohan were involved, it couldn’t be something stupid. No, it had to be something clever, diabolically clever, the way so many of Wen Ruohan’s schemes were – he was always coming up with subtle ploys, the sort of things that could easily be missed, the sort of things that made sect leaders around the world react to everything he did by worrying themselves to death looking for hidden angles. No matter how ridiculous it was, they would always react that way. And that meant that the rest of the world wouldn’t see this marriage as the deliberate humiliation Lan Qiren knew his brother meant it to be, but rather as some sort of insidious political move.

Which, in fairness, it probably was in some way Lan Qiren wasn’t seeing right now.

But that was fine. If he had to pick, Lan Qiren preferred to be thought of as a partner in crime in some terrible conspiracy, rather than embarrass both himself and his sect by admitting that it was all because his brother hated him.

In truth, Lan Qiren still didn’t understand why his brother hated him so much. They had never spoken of his increasing dislike of Lan Qiren in the past, before he had decided to retreat into seclusion. Lan Qiren had been bound by filial duty to respect his older brother like a father and was in no position to raise any questions, while his brother had never chosen to explain. Certainly they’d never spoken after his seclusion, his brother refusing to even speak to him through the door when Lan Qiren made his regular reports on the state of the sect. And once he’d emerged from seclusion…

Lan Qiren had asked, of course.

He’d demanded an explanation during those two terrible times that they had spoken, or tried to, but his brother had never answered. Lan Qiren had asked, even begged, for some small glimmer of understanding, but all of his appeals and questions had been rejected, every one of them met uniformly with deaf ears and utmost disdain.

Disdain, and hatred.

Hatred enough to send Lan Qiren into the power of a man notoriously known for his instability, for his potential insanity, a man known as much as anything for being a would-be conqueror, a merciless tyrant, a sadist and a torturer…

Ironically, none of that took away from Lan Qiren’s profound sense of relief at finding out that the person he would be marrying was Wen Ruohan.

That was something he would not be telling his brother, not now, not ever, Lan Qiren thought, shaking his head a little at his own ridiculousness. His brother wanted him to suffer, he knew that much, but his brother had also never understood how Lan Qiren worked, had never really bothered to try to understand. Above all else, Lan Qiren hated change, unexpected deviations from his routine and from what he understood to be normal. For him, Wen Ruohan was a known quantity, or at least a familiar one, and that made him far, far better from Lan Qiren’s perspective than the alternative of a complete stranger.

Wen Ruohan…Lan Qiren knew him. He knew how to manage him, how to deal with him, or at least at minimum he had already developed a set of strategies for coping with his presence.

He hadn’t really had much choice.

After all, Lan Qiren had been a sect leader, or acting sect leader, of a Great Sect for ten years, and Wen Ruohan, as the sect leader of another Great Sect, had been his peer, one of the few who could stand on equal footing with him. Their status alone meant that they had regularly been required to interact during the discussion conferences. Sure, Wen Ruohan’s personal behavior was regularly reprehensible, rendering the man barely worthy of the begrudging respect to which his position entitled him, but he had been there, consistent, inevitable.

Familiar.

Lan Qiren had invariably been placed side by side with Wen Ruohan during the yearly discussion conferences, given that the standard seating order was Wen, Lan, Jiang, Jin, Nie, reflecting the order in which their clans had achieved prominence as sects in their own right. Lan Qiren couldn’t even escape him later in the evenings, when the seating was traditionally rearranged to reflect commonly understood personal preferences – the Great Sects were still grouped together, because everyone assumed the most powerful would always want to mingle first and foremost with each other.

These days the order for the more informal gatherings was almost always Jiang, Jin, Wen, Nie, Lan, putting Wen Ruohan between the two sects he was least likely to start a war with and pairing up the two sets of allies, Jiang and Jin on one hand and Nie and Lan on the other. It was an arrangement that made logical sense, but which also unfortunately left Lan Qiren no choice but to routinely endure conversations involving Wen Ruohan if he wanted to have the chance to talk with Lao Nie.

Lan Qiren had always liked Lao Nie, and thought that he was liked in return; he had even flattered himself to think that they were friendly beyond the mere politeness required by their sects’ alliance, though he was never entirely sure how much of that was true and how much of it was mere wistful thinking. But Lao Nie also liked Wen Ruohan, and Wen Ruohan had always been possessive of him in return, likely a result of their not-so-secret off-and-on affair that had always seemed highly likely to end in disaster for them both. Every discussion (and every discussion conference, for that matter) had therefore by necessity involved all sorts of interactions with Wen Ruohan, each one carefully judged and thought out in advance to avoid instigating a disaster of Lan Qiren’s own making.

Lan Qiren had never thought there would be a day he would miss such petty political considerations.

Perhaps it was simply that he had not been naturally talented at politics, with his single-mindedness and tendency to take things literally, his inability to read people (at least people above the age of adolescence, after the point where they’d learned, as he never really had, to properly dissemble), and so he had had to work very hard to develop the skills he’d needed just to survive. As much as he’d deplored the circumstances that had forced him to have to learn them, he’d still been proud of those skills. They represented how far he’d gotten through effort and hard work, how thoroughly he’d developed himself, how much he’d grown – it had shown him something of the man he’d made himself to be, that there was something in himself that he could be proud of, no matter how much he’d disliked the actual business of politicking itself. And now, all of a sudden, the reason for having those skills had been taken away from him...

It had been a shock, provoking a feeling of loss, even though it wasn’t something Lan Qiren had wanted in the first place. It was as if a peaceful man who had been forced to take up arms as a soldier was later one day informed that his sword would now be melted down as useless scrap, with all his hard-won achievements tossed aside as if they were little more than worthless rubbish – even if that man had once dreamt of putting down his sword voluntarily, it didn’t make his hands feel any less naked after that sword had been snatched away.

Well, luckily Lan Qiren was not in quite as much of a bind as he might have otherwise have been. Those hard-won political skills of his would still be useful to him here, in the Nightless City. He was married to Wen Ruohan, after all – the man schemed as he breathed, as constant as any rule Lan Qiren had ever known. There was simply no way that Lan Qiren was going to escape from politics here in his new married home…

…he was married.

Married! Him!

Lan Qiren rubbed his temples, shaking his head. He simply could not get over the strangeness of it. He, Lan Qiren, was married, with a wife of his own (albeit a very fearsome one), a household of his own…!

No doubt the very notion of it would make Xichen laugh and Wangji scowl –

Oh.

Oh, no, that hurt.

The mere thought of his nephews hurt, the pain visceral and very real, causing Lan Qiren to curl into himself as if he had just been stabbed through the heart with a dagger.

His boys, his boys – maybe they were not truly his, not his sons in any way respected by the world, but he had raised them himself, not trusting anyone else to help him. He had laughed over them, he had wept over them, he had raged over them; he had been there with them through every twist and turn of their lives to date, experienced with them every joy and every frustration. They had always been in his thoughts, no matter what else he was doing. He had seen Lan Xichen’s first steps and heard Lan Wangji’s first word (which to no one’s surprise had been “no”). He had guided their first steps into the world of cultivation, he had led them in playing their first musical notes, he had walked them through their first sword moves, his hand on theirs as they wielded a slender branch in enthusiasm – they were his boys.

And they were gone.

No, that was an inauspicious thought. They were not gone, they were not dead. They were merely half a world away from him, being kept away from him by his brother’s vicious hatred and society’s rules that gave him, as their father, the power to do as he liked with them.

Lan Qiren missed them like dying.

He’d missed them every single day of his forced seclusion, and he missed them still now. He missed them in every moment, with every breath and every heartbeat, and that he had been able to maintain his composure until now was only through having forced himself to forget, even for a little, that they had been taken from him.

He didn’t even know how they were doing. Xichen, Wangji – were they well? Were they suffering? Did they miss him as well, or had they already started to forget him?

Lan Qiren swallowed hard and opened his eyes, which had at some point closed. He found that he was sitting, without remembering deciding to do so or to make any move to get himself there. At some point he had fallen down onto a bench and curled in on himself, softly making a sort of keening noise, as if he were some wounded animal.

This was not acceptable.

Do not grieve in excess. Do not covet what is others’. Do not be unreasonable.

Lan Qiren felt very much like being unreasonable.

His brother hadn’t even let him bid his nephews farewell before he’d been sent away. He hadn’t even been permitted to see them, not even from a distance..! Before, when he’d been in seclusion, he at least had had the comfort of knowing that they were not far away from him. He could imagine them going about their daily chores along familiar paths, visiting the classroom and the training yard, and knowing his schedule as well as he did, he could even associate the different types of day with when they were doing each activity, and in so doing feel close to them.

He could even, in a moment of weakness, recall the image of Lan Wangji kneeling in the snow outside the very same house that Lan Qiren had later been trapped in, and wonder if Lan Wangji would do the same for his uncle as he had for his mother. The thought had been painfully sweet at the time, though of course once Lan Qiren had realized that he’d almost wished for his nephew’s suffering, however inadvertently, he had felt tremendous guilt and sentenced himself to punishment at once, writing copies of the rules on familial harmony until even his hands had been sore.

Even that cold comfort was gone, now.

Now that Lan Qiren was no longer in the Cloud Recesses, he had no hope of seeing his nephews, not unless he could somehow convince Wen Ruohan to bring him along to the discussion conferences – and even then, who knew when the Lan sect would next be hosting one? Such a thing was at his brother’s discretion, now. There was no longer any opportunity for Lan Qiren to spin futile fantasies of his nephews finding some sort of excuse to make their way to the gentian house, where there would then be some flaw requiring him to end his seclusion early – a fire, perhaps, and in light of the risk to human life he could leave and rush to them, take them into his arms for one last embrace –

Wishful thinking.

Pointless.

Qishan was so very far from Gusu. There was no possibility that Lan Qiren would see his nephews by chance here. He would not see them for a long time – maybe years – maybe never again –

Stop it!

Lan Qiren savagely rapped his hand against the edge of the table, using the pain to distract himself from his terrible thoughts. He could not allow himself to fall into a state of despondence and depression as he had in seclusion, even if that meant he could not permit himself to think about his nephews. He was in the Nightless City, firmly in the grasp of Wen Ruohan, the most dangerous man alive, and Lan Qiren wasn’t stupid enough to think that a mere marriage ceremony made the man any less of a threat.

At least Sect Leader Wen does not appear to have noticed any discrepancies in my behavior that cannot be explained by the fact of our marriage. He must have realized from my behavior that it came to me as a surprise, but at least he seems to be blaming my brother for that...as he should. I should have been told, I should have been given time to prepare..!

There was no point in thinking about it now.

Lan Qiren rubbed once more at his temples. He didn’t actually have a headache, not yet, not the way he usually did after weeping his eyes red as so often happened when he thought about his nephews these days, but it felt almost as though he should.

Do something productive instead of moping, Lan Qiren instructed himself sternly. When you have nothing else, you have your rules and self-regulation. Maintain your own discipline. Remember, diligence is the foundation.

Right. He’d already wasted half the morning doing little more than thinking. He should do – something.

Lan Qiren tried to move on with the next step in getting ready for the day, only to realize he had already finished them all without thinking, even his morning exercise. He was now wholly prepared to get started with his day…only he didn’t actually have anything to do.

When Lan Qiren had last been at the Nightless City, his role as acting sect leader meant that he had had an endless amount of work to stay on top of, between the intricate politics of the discussion conference and the usual day-to-day issues of running a sect. He’d woken up knowing exactly what he needed to do and how little time he had to do it all, and the rest of the day had typically been an extensive exercise in sensitive negotiations, frantic multitasking, and (worst of all) obligatory social events.

But now…

Now Lan Qiren was not a sect leader, acting or otherwise. He wasn’t even a guest.

He was married.

With uncharacteristic hesitancy, Lan Qiren went out of his courtyard, looking for a servant of sufficient rank to speak with. The Nightless City was a little excessive with its hierarchy in that way, he had found, with a convoluted set of internal rules that weren’t written down and weren’t shared with outsiders, leaving the rest of them to merely guess at what might be proper or improper. The Lan sect had servants, of course, and hierarchies within them, but in the Nightless City there was an entire underclass of servant that was under strict orders to be neither seen nor heard by outsiders. Lan Qiren had made the mistake once of trying to ask one of them a question during his earlier years as sect leader, and it had been disastrous. Not only had Lan Qiren not gotten the answers he wanted, the servant having been too terrified to respond, the servant had very nearly ended up getting beaten to death as punishment; it was only Lan Qiren’s intervention and explanation that he had been the one to initiate conversation that had spared him.

Better to avoid such a thing in the future, and instead find someone appropriate.

Ah, there was one, robes marked with the red suns that indicated higher-rank servants.

“Has Sect Leader Wen risen for the day?” he inquired, flagging down the man with a wave. “Will he be requiring my presence for breakfast?”

“Sect Leader Wen always breaks his fast in his rooms,” the servant said, bowing deeply and not quite answering the first question, which meant that Wen Ruohan was probably still asleep and quite likely to be annoyed if anyone else found out that he was still subject to such human requirements. Well, it was still early by the standard of most other sects. “After that, he usually starts his day with sect business, so it is unlikely that he will seek to speak with you before midday. Do you also wish to have breakfast brought to your rooms…?”

“Yes, that would do very well. Bring it to the main room in my courtyard,” Lan Qiren instructed, and retreated back to his courtyard, shaking his head at his own folly. What had he been thinking…? He should have guessed the answer already. Even at the discussion conferences, Wen Ruohan had rarely condescended to do business before mid-morning at the earliest, even when he was the guest. Naturally he wouldn’t bother deviating from his usual schedule here at his home simply because of their marriage.

Though, thinking of the still-unbelievable fact that he was married…

Maybe he should study up on that.

Yes, that would be something to do, something productive. That would be good.

Once he had finished eating his breakfast, Lan Qiren settled down at the writing desk, pulling out some paper and grinding himself some ink. The marriage had been mostly if not wholly settled by the time he had been informed of it and he’d been sent away not long after; he’d barely had time to pack, much less review material on the subject of marriage. His brother had sent him some books on marital duties, eventually, but irritatingly enough the ones that had been delivered with his meal had been exclusively about the role of the woman; someone must have misunderstood. And while he knew the Nightless City had an excellent library, since Wen Ruohan would never allow himself to be embarrassed by not having something that other sects had if he could help it, Lan Qiren also knew that any requests for books that he made would be reported to Wen Ruohan, and he was simply not ready for that level of embarrassment.

No, clearly if Lan Qiren were to be a good husband, he would need to figure out the rules himself.

Pay your wife the respect your wife is due, he wrote first, thinking of the myriad of examples to the contrary he had seen in the cultivation world. Perhaps it was merely the fact that he was a Lan, and therefore raised in a sect considered to be unduly romantic by others, but he could not understand why anyone would marry someone they did not, in some way, respect, and even if they didn’t, why they wouldn’t make an effort to overcome that for the sake of family harmony. The rules said Harmony is the value, and that was doubly true in the context of a marriage as it was in the context of sect or family.

Do not embarrass your wife in public. That one was as much inspired by Jiang Fengmian as it was by the formal rule of Do not argue with family. Jiang Fengmian’s marriage troubles were notorious throughout the cultivation world, and also almost entirely the man’s own fault. He had been so public in his mooning over Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze, even after he had married Yu Ziyuan – surely he must have realized how shameful she would find such a thing, how humiliating. Had he really thought that she would forgive him for that? Had he really thought that a proud woman like Yu Ziyuan would ever tolerate her husband disgracing her in front of outsiders like that?

Actually, that might be the basis for another rule.

After all, Jiang Fengmian wasn’t the only one who routinely embarrassed his wife in public. There was always Jin Guangshan as well, which…hmm. What sort of rule would Madam Jin appreciate?

Do not be alone with other women, perhaps.

Lan Qiren thought about that rule for a while, considering, then crossed it out and replaced it with the somewhat vaguer Do not give your wife reason to doubt your fidelity.

After all, he was in a cutsleeve marriage, and his wife was also a man. Lan Qiren couldn’t reasonably be expected to refrain from all contact with both men and women, and he could imagine perfectly reasonable and even unquestionable circumstances in which he might be alone with a woman, such as a female sect leader or a rogue cultivator like Cangse Sanren. Creating a rule that made generalizations about half the population would create more problems than it would solve. No, Lan Qiren would simply have to behave in a manner that was above reproach, and go from there. It shouldn’t be too difficult: the rules already said Be loyal, as well as Promiscuity is prohibited.

Lan Qiren didn’t have the habit of being lustful anyway. And neither was he inclined to drink, and there was already Alcohol is prohibited, so he didn’t need to add a rule about that.

Hmm. What else?

Appreciate your wife’s efforts and be supportive of your wife’s interests. That seemed like a good one – the rules said Do not flatter, but they also said Have affection and gratitude, as well as Do not criticize. It seemed reasonable that a marriage would call for something a little stronger than that, an affirmative exhortation rather than merely a prohibition. Of course, Wen Ruohan’s interests tended to be things like torture and trying to take over the world, which was problematic when considered alongside Stay away from evil and Honor good people, but, well, Lan Qiren was married now; it was too late to “stay away.”

He would simply have to get over their differences, somehow. Harmony is the value, after all…

(How had he once heard Lao Nie say it – “a happy wife means a happy life”? Of course, as far as Lan Qiren knew, Lao Nie had only married for relatively short periods of time, so maybe he wasn’t exactly the best authority on such things.)

Support your wife’s family, for they are now your own. That one was straightforward, although not easy. Like it or not, Lan Qiren had now married into the Wen sect. Its interests were now his interests, both of them aligned – it didn’t quite sit right with him after ten years of maneuvering against Wen Ruohan and his schemes, but it was what it was. Naturally Wen Ruohan would not be able to depend on Lan Qiren if he had any plans directed against the Lan sect or its interests, but he wouldn’t trust him in such circumstances anyway. Lan Qiren would simply have to do his best to demonstrate his willingness to offer his support in other situations, assuming he could find any in which he would be a help rather than a hinderance.

None came to mind at the moment – useless, hopeless, worthless, his brother’s voice hissed in his head, very unhelpfully – but Lan Qiren hoped that he could eventually demonstrate to Wen Ruohan that he could be of some value for something other than his bloodline.

Eventually. Somehow.

What else?

Under normal circumstances Lan Qiren might have added something to do with money, since he was aware that a good husband allowed his wife to control the household finances, but that didn’t really seem to apply here. The Wen sect was richer than the Lan sect, and wholly under Wen Ruohan’s control in a way that the Lan sect’s finances had never been under Lan Qiren’s; while he would never be a poor man, even if Lan Qiren gave Wen Ruohan everything he had, the sum was unlikely to be large enough for Wen Ruohan to even notice. There was no need to include anything like that.

Maybe he could add a reminder to himself not to cite Being frugal is a virtue and Do not lead a luxurious and dissipated life every time he saw further evidence of Wen sect excess…but that wasn’t a rule, and he was focusing now on rules.

What else?

Lan Qiren stroked his beard, thinking deeply. What did wives typically expect from their husbands?

Children, he supposed, and specifically sons. Wen Ruohan already had two sons, though, and it wasn’t as if Lan Qiren could provide any of Wen Ruohan’s own blood, which of course Wen Ruohan preferred above all else. Eventually he would likely be obligated to produce a child with one of the illegitimate girls of Wen descent, providing Wen Ruohan with a child of the Lan bloodline if he so wanted one, but Lan Qiren didn’t expect the request for that to come any time soon. Wen Ruohan thought himself a god, after all, or near to one; he wasn’t too concerned with succession planning as of yet.

He could certainly help teach Wen Ruohan’s boys, if that was something Wen Ruohan might like for him to do, but that wasn’t a rule, either. That wasn’t a duty of marriage.

Though…while they were on the subject, he supposed that there were marital duties as well, the sort that were usually involved in the creation of a son when the marriage wasn’t between men. And although Lan Qiren personally lacked amorous inclinations, he was well aware that most people considered sex an absolutely critical part of a happy marriage. Why else would there be so many torrid novels about women fighting for their husband’s favor?

Of course, he would need to strike a balance between not being the sort of husband that abandoned his wife, leaving her bed desolate and empty, and also not being the sort that made excessive demands on the marriage bed, which he was given to understand was also bad. While of course Lan Qiren had no personal experience in either direction, as acting sect leader he had been obligated to deal with marital disputes within the Lan sect. He was familiar with female complaints from both sides.

No, sex was important, important enough to be a rule – and Lan Qiren always followed the rules.

Of course, knowing it was one thing, but writing it down was another.

Lan Qiren fought with himself for a while on the subject. On one hand, he was fairly sure it would be inappropriate to put such words on paper, skirting near to a violation of No vulgar language, but on the other, he had always believed it was important for rules to be stated clearly. How else were you supposed to follow them if they weren’t laid out? He’d always disliked unwritten rules…

In the end he gave in and wrote down one more rule: Be attentive to your wife’s needs and diligently perform your duties as husband.

That seemed fair enough, did it not? Neither too explicit nor too subtle – it was clear enough what he meant, but also avoided being unduly crass, or setting out unreasonable expectations.

Now. What else?

What else, what else…had he really already exhausted the examples set for him by the other Great Sect leaders, whether positive or negative? Lan Qiren had already reviewed both Jiang Fengmian’s faults and Jin Guangshan’s. He had never met Lao Nie’s first wife, who was said to be either an unknown genius of the martial arts world or possibly a goddess, depending on how effusive Lao Nie was feeling at any given moment, and while he had briefly met his second wife, it had been only once, and while she was pregnant, so he had not really gotten very much of a distinct sense about her. Anyway, he hadn’t had the chance to observe Lao Nie as a husband, and so could not use him as a standard from which to derive rules. Who else did he know?

Other than his brother.

It wasn’t as though Lan Qiren could write Do not marry your wife to cover up her crimes and then imprison her against her will, forcing her to bear your children and languish in isolation until she kills herself as a rule, no matter how tempted he might be.

As for his brother’s conduct before his marriage…no, that wasn’t useful either. The rules already said Do not harbor doubt and jealousy and Do not take advantage of your position to oppress others. It had been his brother who had violated those rules, not any fault in the rules themselves.

Finally, at the end, Lan Qiren dipped his brush in ink and wrote one more sentence.

Be a partner to your wife, if your wife will be yours.

It wasn’t a rule, not really, though he intended to treat it as one. It was more of an aspiration. A highly unlikely one given who his wife was, Lan Qiren admitted, but what else was a marriage for, if not a lifetime’s aspiration?

Lan Qiren put the page aside to dry. Perhaps he would add more rules later, once he had time to think further on the subject, but seven was a good start. He felt better about the whole situation already, comforted by the mere existence of rules that he could simply apply and abide by. Truly, his ancestors had been wise. Having rules just made life so much easier…

There was a sound at the door.

Lan Qiren rose to see what they wanted.

“Sect Leader Wen has invited you to join him for the midday meal,” a servant announced. Fortified by his morning’s work, Lan Qiren nodded his asset and followed the servant down to a ridiculously lavish dining room that he had not seen before.

Wen Ruohan was already seated at the head of the table. He waved his hand idly at Lan Qiren, clearly excusing him from having to pay any respect.

Lan Qiren nodded to him in greeting. “How many of these do you have?” he asked. “Dining rooms, I mean. I thought I’d already seen them all, but this one is new.”

“This one is for family only,” Wen Ruohan said with teeth in his smile. His posture accorded with those Lan Qiren had previously observed as consistent with a combative mood, though it was not yet clear if he was spoiling for an actual fight or if he was simply out to irritate people. “Though I’m afraid it’s just us today.”

Lan Qiren sat down.

“I heard that you woke up at your usual time,” Wen Ruohan remarked, managing to make it sound vaguely insulting somehow. “The Lan rules, I assume. I trust you weren’t too bored…”

He trailed off in a way that suggested that Lan Qiren should answer him.

“Speaking is prohibited at mealtimes,” Lan Qiren said instead, and was amused when he saw Wen Ruohan’s smirk change into a scowl.

Provoking Wen Ruohan probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but Lan Qiren had as little intention of allowing a precedent that involved Wen Ruohan walking all over him now as he had had when he had been sect leader. That would be a truly intolerable way to live.

Also, when listing Wen Ruohan’s (very few) merits as a spouse earlier, it occurred to him that he had briefly forgotten how annoying the other man could be. The rule Lan Qiren had made said Pay your wife the respect your wife is due, but Wen Ruohan in this sort of trifling mood wasn’t due any.

“That rule doesn’t apply when you’re a guest,” Wen Ruohan said. “I distinctly recall that we had reached an agreement on the subject, some years back – at least seven by now. Are you reneging now?”

“Not at all. The rules remain the same, only I am no longer a guest,” Lan Qiren pointed out. “This is now my home.”

Wen Ruohan stared at him.

Lan Qiren very pointedly served himself some food out of one of the main bowls, signaling the start of the mealtime and, therefore, of silence.

“You know,” Wen Ruohan said thoughtfully. “I think I forgot how annoying you can be.”

Lan Qiren didn’t laugh, though his lips twitched. It was a little funny how their thinking had run in parallel like that.

At least Wen Ruohan knew Lan Qiren well enough to begrudgingly accept that he wasn’t going to be able to convince him to break his sect rules when he found a situation where he believed they applied – they’d settled that discussion seven years ago as well – and they were able to finish the meal with relatively little fanfare.

Afterwards, Wen Ruohan said, “I have several meetings this afternoon which cannot be shifted, but I will be done before early evening. If you are amenable, I can then show you around some of the portions of the Nightless City with which you may be less familiar.”

His tone suggested that Lan Qiren had better be amenable.

“Certainly,” Lan Qiren said. “Indeed, I expect to need several such tours, given the impressive size and grandeur of your Nightless City.”

That got him a beady-eyed look, as if Wen Ruohan suspected him of trying to fit some complaint or criticism into the statement. Lan Qiren met his eyes calmly, having been wholly sincere in his compliment, and eventually Wen Ruohan gave in with a dry chuckle.

“My Nightless City is indeed very impressive,” he said, as usual always willing to compliment himself. “Your belongings will have been delivered to your courtyard by now. As for the servants…”

He trailed off meaningfully once more, looking pointedly at him, but unfortunately for Wen Ruohan, Lan Qiren wasn’t entirely sure what he was trying to get at. Something to do with the distinctions between levels of servant, perhaps?

Abruptly reminded of that disastrous interaction once again, Lan Qiren grimaced and asked, “I assume I’m permitted to speak with all of them, now?”

“Of course.” Wen Ruohan seemed satisfied by that, oddly enough. “In your own time, of course. Under the circumstances, I assume you’d rather start with unpacking.”

Lan Qiren still had no idea what Wen Ruohan thought he was implying, or how their unusual present circumstances – namely, their marriage – would have any impact on his willingness or lack thereof to speak with the servants, but he really did want to go back to his room, so he just nodded and took his leave. Unpacking took the rest of the afternoon, between ordering the servants to rearrange the courtyard to suit Lan Qiren’s preferences and arranging those few items which he did not permit the servants to touch, such as his sword stand or his still-wrapped guqin, now settled on a low table.

He did his best the entire time not to think of the permanency of his new arrangement.

It was difficult, though. When he had visited the Nightless City as a guest in a discussion conference, there had been no need to bring along a copy of the Lan sect rules, much less several copies; this time, he had brought three. There was a formal one, of course, as well as his own much longer version, containing his personal notes and thoughts on the various rules, and lastly there was the one in a childish scrawl that Lan Xichen had presented him with for his last birthday, extraordinarily proud of having completed an entire copy of the whole set of rules. That one had very nearly not made the journey: Lan Qiren’s baggage had been carefully inspected before he left, removing anything to which his brother believed him not to be entitled, and this particular copy had survived only through having been shoved into the middle of a set of extremely dry treatises he’d brought along as camouflage.

(He had been obliged to meditate for a little while after he’d seen it on his bookshelf, just to maintain his self-discipline. He hated his brother, he missed his nephews; he missed his nephews, he hated his brother…but now was not the time to think of either of those. Maintain your own discipline.)

Lan Qiren was back in possession of himself by the time Wen Ruohan appeared at the door to his courtyard to take him on the tour. It was a good thing, too, as Wen Ruohan was now in a mischievous mood – which was annoying as well, though far preferable to the spiteful one from earlier. This mood at least meant that he was more inclined to be simply obnoxious, rather than actively malicious.

Still quite irritating, though.

Lan Qiren managed to maintain his dignity through the first few turns of the conversation, which started with commentary on his clothing and demeanor (according to Wen Ruohan, when they stood together he looked like an old cow eating fresh grass, which was patently ridiculous given that Wen Ruohan was over a hundred years old), touched upon the weather (supposedly better in Qishan than in Gusu, which Lan Qiren personally doubted), briefly became a back-and-forth debate on the merits of particular architectural styles that they had touched upon several times before (neither of them actually cared, but since the Nightless City preferred one style and the Cloud Recesses another, neither was inclined to yield the point), and ultimately concluded with a series of probing questions about Lan Qiren’s classes.

“– yes, they are held every year, and no, I don’t repeat myself,” Lan Qiren said testily. He couldn’t say he was starting to get tired of Wen Ruohan’s company since he’d more or less started off already sick of it. The other man had been so bubbling over with insinuated insults and overly clever little quips that Lan Qiren hadn’t had a chance to actually observe any of the things he was supposedly being shown. He was completely lost, too, and disliked the experience. “The beginning is often similar, given the importance of having a firm foundation, but different students call for a different curriculum, both in terms of cultivation focus and scholarly merits. There are enough rules to be flexible.”

“You can say that again.”

Lan Qiren opened his mouth to repeat it, then bit his tongue: years of politics had taught him the painful lesson that this particular social pattern meant Wen Ruohan was almost certainly not genuinely asking for a repetition.

Wen Ruohan still laughed at him, though, and Lan Qiren scowled at him.

“I nearly forgot how literal you can be.” Wen Ruohan was smirking. “I see that I shall have to be quite clear in my statements and expectations in the future.”

“You will, or else risk being misunderstood,” Lan Qiren agreed, glaring. “I prefer it.”

“Mm, yes, I look forward to taking into account your…preferences. To the extent you have them.”

Lan Qiren frowned at Wen Ruohan, who was doing his insinuation voice again, and decided that he had had enough of this nonsense. It was time to be straightforward himself. “What are you trying to imply this time? Say it flat out.”

Wen Ruohan chuckled and ostentatiously glanced around them, as if confirming where they were, even though it wasn’t anywhere new, having by now returned to Lan Qiren’s courtyard where they’d started.

“Well?” Lan Qiren demanded. “You’ve been dropping hints all day – unsuccessful hints, let it be said, as I haven’t been understanding you. Will you finally just explain yourself?”

Wen Ruohan turned back to him, his smirk widening into an outright leer.

“All right,” he said. “I’ll be blunt, then. A marriage is not considered fully complete until it has been consummated, and I will not allow a technicality to interfere with my plans. We are back at your courtyard, so we might as well get it over with, don’t you think?”

Lan Qiren stared at him, aghast. “In the middle of the afternoon?”

“It’s already early evening.” Wen Ruohan’s smirk was especially smug. “Don’t worry, I don’t expect we’ll miss dinner, and you’ll certainly be in bed by your sect’s little bedtime.”

Lan Qiren’s jaw worked. This was a ploy to get under his skin, he was abruptly certain of that, and possibly a little revenge for Lan Qiren having outmaneuvered Wen Ruohan at lunch. There was no other reason that Wen Ruohan wouldn’t be willing to wait until a normal hour for such a thing, especially given that he was fairly sure the man wasn’t actually all that interested in him.

Well, maybe. How would he know? Wen Ruohan wasn’t like him – he was of an amorous inclination, though thankfully nowhere near as lecherous as Jin Guangshan.

Maybe Wen Ruohan really did think sex was that important.

“Are you nervous?” Wen Ruohan asked with a tone of consideration so fake that it was clearly being put on as a means of being even more obnoxious, making Lan Qiren’s eye twitch in irritation in response. “It being your first time with a man, that is. Or is it your first time at all? It’d be a bit late, given your age, but I know how you Lan are with your rules against promiscuity…you can tell me, you know. I won’t judge.”

He was already judging.

“Remember, do not tell lies is a rule…”

“So is speak meagerly,” Lan Qiren retorted, only to blush when Wen Ruohan laughed in triumph: he’d given himself away there. He ground his teeth for a moment, his temper – never his best trait, even if it had been somewhat deadened recently – fighting to escape, but he reined it in with an effort.

Be attentive to your wife’s needs and diligently perform your duties as husband, he reminded himself. He’d written it himself just this morning. His pride was not worth breaking a rule.

He took a deep breath and held it for a moment, then released it, letting his aggravation go with it.

“Very well, then,” he said, and had at least the pleasure of seeing Wen Ruohan’s eyebrows go up in surprise, having presumably expected Lan Qiren to put up more of a fight than that. “You are not wrong. It will be better to get it over with before anyone raises any questions. Would you like to come inside?”

Now it was Wen Ruohan’s turn to have to take a moment to master himself, though in his case his recovery from his surprise was both quick and extremely smug.

“I think I would, yes,” he said, smiling indolently. “In fact, since you’re being such a good sport about all this, I’ll let you get in as much initial fumbling as you like before we get properly started, how’s that? I won’t lift a finger until you tell me you’re ready to proceed.”

Lan Qiren felt the urge to roll his eyes. He really had married the most obnoxious man in the cultivation world, hadn’t he…? Well, no, that would probably be Lao Nie, who was above all else extraordinarily loud and persistently irritating in a way that belied his seeming affability, but Wen Ruohan was making a solid case for himself being in second place.

(He still wasn’t the worst man in the cultivation world to marry, though. Compared to Lan Qiren’s brother, surely anyone would be better.)

“Very well,” he said again, and stepped forward to scoop Wen Ruohan into his arms, enjoying the squawk of shock and outraged protest – they were both tall men, about the same height, but Lan Qiren had the advantage of surprise. He hadn’t originally had any intention of carrying Wen Ruohan across the threshold, given that they were both adult men, but if Wen Ruohan was determined to be annoying, then Lan Qiren wouldn’t yield, either. “Mark your words.”

“Oh, I’ll mark them all right,” Wen Ruohan said as Lan Qiren carried him in. He looked offended but also disbelievingly amused, as if he couldn’t believe that Lan Qiren was capable of lifting him – or perhaps that he’d dared to. Lan Qiren had the feeling that Wen Ruohan was already planning revenge for this slight as well. “Do your worst.”

Did everything have to be a fight with this man?

“I’ll do my best,” Lan Qiren corrected, putting Wen Ruohan down on the bed and looking down at him thoughtfully.

Wen Ruohan certainly wasn’t what Lan Qiren had expected from marriage, to the extent he’d ever expected anything. But at least he was familiar, even if the act they were about to engage in wasn’t, and Lan Qiren was fairly sure he could count on Wen Ruohan to continue to be annoyingly, irritatingly himself the entire time. That would be immensely helpful in reducing his anxiety about trying something new.

Anyway, Lan Qiren might lack the inclination to be attracted to others, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been at least mildly curious to find out what everyone was always raving on about. He’d read any number of spring books in his time, trying without success to learn attraction the way he’d learned everything else, but maybe it would be more interesting to actually try it with someone else.

Who knew, perhaps it would actually even be enjoyable.

This was, Lan Qiren supposed, his opportunity to find out. Maybe even his only opportunity, given that Wen Ruohan was unlikely to be as cooperative when he wasn’t getting something he wanted out of it – in this case, the legitimacy of their marriage and the opportunity to make fun of Lan Qiren.

He’d have to make the most of it.

#mdzs #lan qiren #wen ruohan #my fic #my fics #Megafic

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anonymouse1312437 · 5 months

Text

A little heartbreak

This is not going to be everyone's cup of tea.

Pairing: Pedro Pascal & Plus-sized fem Reader

Minor use of y/n other than once.

Summary:

From the moment you met he couldn't stop thinking about you and how beautiful you were to him.

Warning:

Some fluff, bullying, name calling, fat shaming, age gap, heartbreak, just overall sadness, insecurities, vulgar language.

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The day we met was nothing special. At least it wasn't supposed to be. I was just trying to make myself feel better. My best friend cancelled our girl's day again and I am starting to feel like she is avoiding me. I guess whatever.

I can still do what she and I were going to do. Right? I mean I could use a pick me up. Work has sucked here lately. I left my apartment in a pair of dark blue jeans and an oversized Lakers shirt. I normally wear a 3x to at least feel comfortable in my skin, but this shirt is in a 5xI, and it just makes me feel smaller. It also covers my apron belly, so I feel a tad less embarrassed in my skin. I didn't need my car yet, so I left it in my parking garage. I don't want someone using my parking space if I am just going to come right back. It doesn't matter that it's labeled for my apartment people still help themselves and I am not the person who will complain and then get their car towed. You never know what kind of day someone had and if it was a bad day, I don't want to make it worse.

I walked down to the little diner across the road where my bestie and I here supposed to meet and walked in and was greeted by an older woman named Maria. She was the sweetest person in this part of California.

"Hey kiddo, are you supposed to be joining Sammy and Kathy?" Maria asked. What does she mean? I looked around and spotted my best friend with one of our coworkers who constantly told me to lose weight because I took up too much space at the office. She has made me cry too many times.

"Oh no, you know what Maria, I think I came here at the wrong time. Sorry. I hope you have a good day." I said and smiled at her.

"Good, that means there will be food for the rest of us since she is leaving. Better hold on to something. You know the ground shakes when she walks." Kathy said loudly to Sammy. I guess she isn't really my best friend, is she? She laughed at what Kathy said. Maybe they have always been friends and I was just naive.

I left the little diner quickly. Maybe just a coffee then. I just want to go home. I should just do that and hide from the embarrassment that I am. Someone was walking in my direction, but I didn’t really think much of it. I tried getting over to one side of the sidewalk, but it didn’t really make much of a difference. I felt their shoulder ram into me, and it almost knocked me over.

“Watch it fatass.” I heard the man say. I felt the tears almost escape from my eyes. I just looked down as more people passed me with their own conversations with other people. I tried to keep my head down as I made my way over to Starbucks and stepped inside. As I entered the door someone was exiting and stepping into me spilling their very cold coffee all over me and themselves.

“Oh shit, I am so sorry.” He said.

“No that was all my fault. I didn’t see you coming out. Can I buy you a new one and make up for that?” I asked.

“No really it was all my fault I was playing on my phone when I was headed out the door. It’s really okay but, are you okay?” He asked, peering down at me. He was taller than me, but I tried to focus my eyes on the ground. I still had tears brimming in my eyes and I was ready to bawl my eyes out. I should have just gone home.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I said quickly, trying to keep my voice from sounding like it was cracking.

“Are you sure? You don’t really look fine?” He tried asking again.

“I said I’m fine, okay?” I said snapping a little. “You know what I’m sorry for snapping a little bit. I really have had a rough morning and that’s not your fault.” I said.

“Please let me replace your coffee. That would make me feel better and maybe even pace for your dry cleaning.” I have yet to see this person.

“Alright I’ll let you get me a coffee. But I don’t need any dry cleaning. It looks like we shop at the same store.” He chuckled. I finally scanned my eyes upwards and saw he had on a purple Lakers shirt. Oh nice. I continued to straighten my posture and looked at him and made eye contact. Oh, my goodness. It’s Pedro Pascal. I motioned for him to get in line behind the crowd and he smiled at me.

“So, what do you normally get?” He asked me. “And also, what’s your name?” He added.

“My name is Y/N and I normally just get an iced coffee with like six to eight shots of espresso. Depends on if I got any sleep in the past day or so.” I said smiling.

“It's about the same thing I get.’ He said.

“So, what’s got your day going the way it is?” He asked me.

“Oh, you don’t want to hear about my day it will bore you.” I said, trying to avoid talking about anything. Crying is embarrassing all on its own. I would rather not cry in front of people on top of it.

“Oh, I have a little time. I do have to wait for them to make the coffee again after we order.” He said. He was nice in person. Everything I read about him was true. He was nice. Then again, I didn’t really read much about him he just came up on my TikTok a bunch.

“I mean alright, I guess. My best friend cancelled on me for what seems like the billionth time on our girl's day. I figured since I haven’t had the best work week that I would still go about the day like we had planned, and it normally starts at the diner across the way. Well, when I walked in, she was already there sitting with someone who constantly picks on me at work. That girl decided to make some comments that hurt my feelings and well I left and came here. Someone bumped into me and through an insult my way and that also hurt my feelings but, I think it’s because I am already having a rough day.” I said. The tears started to brim my eyes again and I started to blink to try and keep it from being noticeable and I proceeded to look down towards my feet. God why am I really talking about this right now? He doesn’t want to hear about my problems.

“She doesn’t seem like much of a friend then if I am being honest with you. Maybe you cared more about your friendship than she did. If that’s the case, then you don’t want someone like her in your life. Also, the ones that are the loudest with their harsh words are the ones that have a lot of insecurities they can’t talk about with anyone. People who bully others have nothing better to do with their time and have no one to tell them to be nicer.” Pedro said to me.

We proceeded to walk up to the barista who looked at the spill on both of our shirts and his empty cup and smiled.

“Did you need a remake Mr. Pascal?” She said. She was a pretty woman. Black hair on half of her head and neon green on the other. Black winged eyeliner and shimmery black lipstick. She was so thin. She was almost perfect.

“Yes please. It spilled on the two of us.” He smiled at her and handed her his cup. She threw the cup away and smiled at him.

“Absolutely. What can I get for you ma’am?” She asked me. She made me feel so old calling me ma’am and we are probably close in age if not the same age as one another.

“I want the same thing as him just a little less ice than normal please?” I said and offered her a smile. I don’t look like her. Just brown hair. It falls just past my shoulders. There was a slight red hue to it due to how I die it. I mix my natural pigment with a red violet so it can give my hair some depth. It also brings my curl pattern to life if I choose to leave my curls intact as normal and not curl it with my straightener. I have fair skin that in the summer tans nicely if I let it. I normally don’t like to show my skin if I can avoid it. I really don’t like going out of the house if I can avoid that too. I had curves in the right places. Like my boobs were bigger than the average size. I wear an F cup bra and I have a round butt and my waist is small, but my stomach is large. It is like an apron draped partially over my crotch and my thighs are large and in charge. I have cellulite all over my thighs and ass. My calves are large too and I am short and sometimes that makes things worse. I hate shopping for clothes in the stores because I can never find my size. The more I think about it the more I want to run home and ditch the coffee I just ordered.

“Alright your total is $14.98. Will this be cash or card?” The barista asked.

“Cash.” I said and handed her a twenty-dollar bill and walked away.

“Oh, ma’am your change.” She hollered in the direction I walked in.

“Oh, it’s okay you can keep the change for your tip jar or the next person I will leave that up to you.” I responded. She smiled and mouthed thank you towards me and moved onto the next person in line.

“That was nice of you. For someone who has had a bad day you sure try to avoid making someone else’s day bad.” Pedro pointed out.

“You never know what the start of a good day for someone can be. You also don’t know what the person could be thinking or if they already had a bad day. Even if it’s just the beginning, why add to it by making it worse with a bad attitude. It can be a bad day or a bad moment. It’s what you make of it. I don’t want to be someone’s reason for snapping if I can avoid it.” I said. I smiled at the fact that it was something a close friend taught me before they ended their life. I have lived by their words since they left. I don’t want to be the reason someone cries or screams or has a breaking moment.

“That’s beautiful. You seem wise beyond your years.” He said. “How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?” He asked.

“I am twenty-five but, I have been told I am an old soul by everyone in my life. Anyone I have ever encountered that has taken a moment to speak to me points it out.” I smile at all the memories it brings up. I was so proud every time someone said that to me. “Mr. Pascal and friend. Your gasoline is ready.” The barista said and started to laugh. Pedro laughed a bit at her comment. He started moving towards the coffee and because there were a lot of people already waiting at the to-go counter I didn’t move. I was trying to wait to be able to go up there by myself but, I saw he grabbed both drinks. He made his way back towards me and handed me my cup with a smile.

“Here. I will save you the trip over there. The people around here are like vultures when it comes to their coffee.” He smiled. He has such a beautiful smile.

“I do have to go I am a bit late for something but, any chance you would be willing to chat later?” He said to me. I must have looked shocked because he laughed a little.

“Only if that’s okay. I don’t want to disturb you if you have more stuff going on.” He said.

“Yeah, sorry just processing, I guess. Here I can give you, my number if you want.” I said and he smiled and unlocked his phone that never left his hand. He opened his contacts and added a contact with my name to it. I told him his number and he called my phone, and it rang and had the Scooby Doo theme song playing. He smiled at the song playing and when I took my phone out of my pocket he hung up.

“That way you know which one is my number. Also don’t hate me for this but, I don’t really enjoy texting so I will probably be calling you versus texting.” He said with a smile and then left. I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye.

◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇ Before the incident:

We have been hanging out every chance we get since we met that day at Starbucks. He has meant the world to me since that day. He was the main reason I didn’t go home and cry the rest of that day. He is also the only reason I don’t talk to Sammy anymore. He was right when he said if she was willing to hang out with that person that was willing to hurt my feelings that it is not a friendship I should be keeping. He became a stand in best friend since my friendship with her ended. I heard my phone ringing, and I ran to my phone to answer it. He got his own personal ringtone thanks to The Kingsman Circle movie and how it’s trending right now, and it drives him crazy. I know better than to let him go to voicemail because he leaves the longest most drawn-out messages just to make sure I know he has not forgotten about me. It’s honestly the sweetest thing ever.

“Hey.” I said. Short and to the point smooth. Nothing like having the biggest crush on him but never saying anything because it would be a mistake to do so.

“Hey beautiful. How is your day so far?” He asked. He started that a couple months after we started talking and I never bothered to tell him not to. Truth be told I love it when he does it. It doesn’t creep me out like it does other people if it were to happen.

“It’s going good so far. I am just having another free day today. Nothing special. Just watching movies.” I said. I lost my job a week ago but, haven’t told him. I tried to stand up for myself since Kathy kept making jokes about my weight and when I did, Kathy and Sammy spun out a story saying I was threatening to hurt them by sitting on them. They are assholes. I don’t mind not working for that company anymore. They suck. They lie to all of their consumers. It has been a few months of talking to Pedro and I knew he would be hurt by me not telling him when it happened. I also know he would have tried to help me in whatever way he could and I didn’t want that either. I didn’t want him to think I needed him despite how stupid that sounds.

“I am back at home if you wanted to hang out together. I mean we don’t have to but you know I get bored alone.” He said. How was it even possible that he was alone? I just don’t understand it.

“Yeah I could hang out for a little bit. I have nothing else to do.” I said.

“Great! I’ll come get you. I want to get a coffee anyway.” He said. I could almost hear his smile through the phone.

“Sounds good. I will see you soon.” I said. As soon as I heard the phone call drop I decided to get dressed. I mean I could stay how I am dressed right now. I normally get as dolled up as I can for him without doing a whole bunch so it’s not obvious. Yet, I bet if I showed up like this he might think I’m more comfortable with him which is true because I am but I worry I will never look good enough. Who the hell am I kidding I will never be enough for anyone especially him. The only boyfriend I had dumped me because he said I just kept getting bigger. Everyone else just used me and from time to time that was okay cause I needed to scratch an itch but realistically I want more than that. Fuck it. I’m just going like this. Grey sweatpants and a black oversized t-shirt. My hair was in a messy bun and it looked okay with the natural texture still in it. I didn’t have any makeup on and I didn’t look horrible but it wasn’t my best look. I had my black ankle socks on already so I grabbed my converse out of the shoe rack in the hallway and put them on. I made sure to grab my wallet and phone and headed down to the coffee shop. He still hasn’t really seen my apartment so when he said he wanted coffee anyway its because that’s where he has picked me up anytime we have been able to hang out which was only a handful of times since he was busy..

Right as I entered into the coffee shop I saw a group of people around Pedro all taking pictures with him. It was really sweet of him that he didn’t want to say no to anyone. Yet, I bet it gets tiring.

“Alright, you have a good one.” He said to the last person you took a photo with and walked over to me. He held out his hand with a large coffee that was made the same way he had his made. He remembered I drink the same thing as him. It’s been a little bit since I have even ordered coffee.

“Hello beautiful, you look great. You finally took after me and decided to be more relaxed. It looks good on you.” He smiled and laughed a little. I grabbed the coffee from him and smiled.

“Yeah I didn’t want to get all dolled up today. Thank you for the coffee. How much do I owe you?” I asked.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” He said. We started to walk out of the coffee shop together and I followed him over to the parking lot. I spotted his Audi and I just was dumbfounded by how amazing this car was. I could never own anything this expensive. Especially now with no job. He walked over to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for me. Once I was sitting in the car he closed the door and I buckled up while he got into the driver’s side.

“What’s the plan today?” I asked. Normally we find things to do outside of our personal places. We don’t ask to go to each other’s place. It’s about privacy for him and for me it saves me from having to explain why I barely have anything.

“I figured we could hang out at my place today. Finally show you around. If your okay with that.” He said. I was really glad I wasn’t drinking the coffee right now because I am pretty sure I would have choked. There is no way I’m really about to see the inside of his place.

“Yeah that’s fine.” I said and smiled towards him. He had his phone connected to his car and I saw the amount of notifications he had and how many unopened text messages he had as well.

“You really should open your texts and respond to them you know. Someone out there is probably worried about you.” I said and giggled.

"I do answer my messages but, I don't text. I really hate texting. I would rather call and talk on the phone." He said.

"I can see that. I am mentally noting if I ever need help to not send you a text because it will go unnoticed." I laughed and so did he. He was only about twenty minutes away from the coffee shop before he pulled into a rather large house. Oh my god. This was amazing.

He pulled into the garage and got out of the car and walked over to the passenger side door and helped me out. He walked to the garage door with me close behind him. When we stepped inside I was stunned at how pretty it was.

"Did you decorate your place or did someone else do it?" I asked.

"I did it but my sisters and best friend Sarah helped. Why do you like it or hate it?” He asked.

"You can't be seriously asking me that. It's so beautiful in here." I said as i continued to move around and look at all the space. His phone started to ring while I was in awe of his place.

"Give me one minute this might be important." He said. He walked into a room and closed the door. I couldn't help myself I started to walk around and found myself in the kitchen. It was huge. The counter space alone was as big as my apartment.

"Hey, I see you found the kitchen." He said from behind me. I immediately felt awful Of course the fat girl found the kitchen.

“Yeah sorry. I just can't get over how beautiful it is." I said.

"Thank you. So, small problem. Well not really a problem for me but, I don't know if it will be a problem for you." He started to say. I just waited for him to spit it out.

"Like I said this is not a problem for me. However, some paparazzi saw us hang out a few times and decided to take a few pictures and I guess someone took one today when you were getting into my car and they made some article or post or whatever where it speculates that you and I are dating. That you are some mystery girlfriend. This does not bother me but, if it bothers you I can find a way to get whatever it is taken down." He said.

I am not really sure what to say. I don't really know how to feel about it either.

"I guess if it doesn't bother you then it doesn't bother me." I said even though that's not entirely true. I don't want it to just be someone speculating. I want it to be true but that would never happen. the wouldn't want someone like me. Especially not with him being famous. I would just bring him down. He needs someone fit and in shape and I will never be that.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

“Yeah I am fine. Like I said as long as it doesn’t bother you then it doesn’t bother me.” I smiled at him.

“Alright good. Let’s go watch a movie or something.” He said and also smiled at me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the living room with him with our coffee’s in our hands. He put on some random movie to fill the background with that way when we talked or took a break from talking we could try and guess what part of the movie we were on. I want to say this is some kind of comedy.

“Tell me something about you that I don’t know please. You like to hide yourself away and not open up. I have opened up a lot to you.” He said.

“Well, I’m not an exciting person in the slightest. I mainly read and crochet. I like to watch the same TV show over and over again because it brings me comfort when I know what’s going to happen next. I’m sure that’s weird bur, I don’t like surprises and I rarely like things that are new happening.” I said. Now would also be the right time to throw out that I don’t have a job anymore. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw it was a call from an unrecognized phone number. I have yet to mention to him that I wrote up a script and pitched it to a director to see if they would want anything to do with it. I have been waiting on a call from them to see if they wanted to move forward with it.

“Hey hold in Pedro. I have to take this.” I said. I felt awful but I can’t miss the phone call. I clicked answer on the phone and brought it up to me ear.

♤♤phone call♤♤

“Hello.” I said

“HI, yes is this y/n?’ I heard a male voice say.

“Yes it is may I ask who is calling?” I asked.

“Yes, my name is Toddy the director you met. I just wanted to let you know after discussing over with some peers that we would like to move forward with what you wrote. We do have some creative input of that’s okay but, we would like to send over a contract for you to view and that will also have your compensation details included in it and once you have a look over it we can go further in discussing any potential changes. Okay?” He said.

Oh my god. This just really happened. Oh my god this is amazing!

“Absolutely. If you can send it through my email that would be awesome or I can pick up the contract. What ever works best for you.” I said.

“I will send it over via email and will look forward to your call in a couple of days. I just need to hear something back within forty-eight hours. Have a good day.” He said and then the phone call ended.

I took the phone away from my ear and I had the biggest smile on my face but tears were in my eyes. I never thought this would happen. I am a writer. I never thought in a million years I could write something that would actually be turned into something.

“Oh no, are you okay?” Pedro asked and moved closer to me. He put his hand on my knee and patiently waited for a response.

“Yeah I am better than okay. I just, uhm I guess here’s a fun detail. I got fired a week ago from my job. Kathy and Sammy made up a lie saying I threatened to squish them by sitting on them when I tried to stand up for myself since they kept making fat jokes about me. I was having a rough week.” I said but he cut me off.

“Oh no. You can’t let them fire you over them being bullies. You need to take this above whoever fired you.” He said. His face was getting a little red.

“No, wait. That was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I have been writing something over some time and I finally had a chance to finish it. I just met with a director and offered him what I wrote. That was the call I just had. They liked it. They really liked it and are sending me a contract for it. I just wrote a movie. Toddy is going to direct it. He is part of the horror movie franchise. I’m so happy. These are happy tears and I mean I’m just really happy.” I said wiping the tears from my eyes.

“Oh my god that’s amazing. I still think you should go down to the company and raise some hell but wow that’s amazing. Really.” He said. He pulled me into a hug. He hugged me tightly and I hugged him back. I really loved his hugs.

“Then we should celebrate! Let’s go to dinner and have a night out!” He said.

“Oh we don’t have to do that.” I said. I didn’t want to spur on anymore media for him. I am sure being seen with me was only hurting him. I am not the best looking and I am big and I think he should spend more time with someone thinner and prettier. As well as someone who is around his age. He wouldn’t want me.

“I want to take you out. This is a big deal. At least I think it is.” He said smiling.

“Come on let’s go. It doesn’t have to be anywhere fancy. Lets just grab a bite to eat and afterwards we can go from there. Okay?” He said. I can’t say no to his handsome face.

“Fine but, nothing fancy and I buy my own food.” I said.

“No, it’s my treat. Don’t fight with me on that.” He said and stood up and reached out for my hand. I grabbed his hand and stood up. We weren’t even here for very long.

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The beginning of the end:

We made it back into his garage and into his Audi. I didn’t want to ask where we were going but I also wasn’t the hungriest either. I didn’t think about anything other than I wanted him to not be affected by me or how I looked. I didn’t want to hurt his image. I took my phone out of my pocket and started to open Instagram. I wonder what people were even saying to the photos that were supposedly out there. I searched up Pedro’s Instagram name and looked at all the recent stuff scrolling down until I found the picture with me in it. I clicked on the image and all of the comments were coming up.

Comments: “He can’t be into her. Look at her.” “He wouldn’t actually be into someone that size.” “She must have something against him and is blackmailing him to be around.” “He wouldn’t date someone fat. That’s not his type.” “Too young and too ugly. He can and will find someone better.”

“I used to work with her, he will get bored.” “She must have something great between her legs because she is hard to look at.” “Why is this happening?!? Pedro you can do better!”

“He went from good looking women to this. What is she even wearing? Walmart branded clothes?”

“She looks like she can’t find the right size.”

I felt the tears brim my eyes. I knew it. I wasn’t great for his image. There was nasty comment after nasty comment. I can’t do this. I can’t be the person that brings down his image. I won’t be that person.

“You know what Pedro, I am not feeling all the great do you mind just dropping me off at my apartment?” I asked. “Oh, yeah that’s fine.” He said but, sounded a bit defeated. “Where exactly am I going? I normally pick you up from the coffee shop.” He asked.

“You can drop me off there its not a far walk.” I said hoping he wouldn’t press to much.

“If you are not feeling good then you shouldn’t be walking. I really don’t mind.” He said.

“Okay, uhm just park in the same parking garage. I live in the apartment that connects to it. I normally park my car on the third floor because there is a door on the third floor that takes me right to my apartment.” I said.

“Okay.” He said. He followed my instructions. I tried to open my door to escape when we were next to the elevator, but he grabbed my arm.

“Which car is yours?” He asked. I pointed over to the PT Cruiser that most of the paint had faded away. There was an open parking spot that was next to my car that belonged to me. He ended up parking next to me and turned his car off. This wasn’t going to go well for me.

“Can I walk you to your apartment?” He asked.

“I suppose. It’s nothing to exciting.” I said hoping that he was not going to want an invite in. It wasn’t a mess but, again, I have no real furniture.

We both got out of the car, and he walked next to me and waited for me to guide him inside. I felt his hand brush against mine and I felt a sense of chills creep through me. Then I felt his hand grab mine and I just wanted to burst into tears then. I didn’t want to just walk away from this friendship. I know I have too though.

I walked him over to my door and unlocked it. He walked right into my place and looked around.

“This is a nice place.” He said. I know he is full of crap because this place is crap. However, it’s cheap and it’s a place of my own.

“Can I tell you something?” He asked. I nodded and waited for his response.

“I might have a thing for you.” He said. I just looked at him confused.

“A thing for me?” I repeated back to him.

“Yeah, I am enjoying my time with you.” He said and stepped closer to me removing the gap we had from between us. He put his left hand on my right cheek and brushed some of the loose hair away from my face.

“I mean I really enjoy my time with you. I want to spend more time with you if that’s okay.” He said and leaned down towards me and closed his eyes. I wanted him to kiss me. He shouldn’t though. I felt his lips brush against mine and I leaned forward and into him. He kissed me and I in return kissed him back. His lips were so soft. I could kiss him forever. No, I can’t do this. He can’t really want me, can he? I need to pull away. I can’t pull away though. I want this. I want to be selfish and let this happen. I felt his left hand slide down my right arm and rest on the right side of my waist and he began to pull me closer to him. Oh my god I just want to melt into him. His right hand came up to the left side of my neck and pulled me closer to him. I was already as close as I could get. He slid his tongue against the bottom of my lip, and I felt my knees start to buckle. Cave. Just cave and give in to the want. Give into the desire right now. It’s going to be okay. You can walk away afterwards. It’s just going to hurt more and that’s okay.

The kiss continued to get deeper, and I fed into the cave. I gave into the desire of what I wanted. It’s going to be okay. I started to back up without pulling away from him and managed to walk us into my bedroom. He started to play with the bottom of my shirt, and I realized what I was forgetting. He can’t take off my clothes. I can’t cave. I don’t want him to see. I don’t want him to notice what's going on. Fuck I hate this. I wanted this so bad. I pulled away from the kiss and sat on my bed with my hands covering my face.

“I am sorry. I can’t do this. I want this don’t get me wrong but, I can’t do this.” I said. I started to feel the depression sink in.

“I am sorry I didn’t mean to pressure you or make you feel pressured. I am so sorry.” He said rushing the words out. He reached for my arm and squeezed it. I felt his hand tighten slightly more. I felt the jolt of pain reach the top of my arm. It was an old scar but, it still hurt.

“What’s this?” He asked and looked at my arm. I wasn’t wearing long sleeves but, unless you know what to look for you can barely see the scar. He pulled my arm towards him and noticed all the scars on my arm. All the slashes on them. All the deep cuts that once existed there on the surface of my skin.

“Are there fresh one’s?” He asked. Lie. Lie to him.

“No, there are not.” I said. I lied. I just lied to the person I haven’t needed to lie to.

“I don’t believe you. Why are you lying to me? Why do you do it?” He asked and I could see the tears in his eyes.

“I don’t have a good answer for you. Nothing is fresh as of this week but, some days the depression just gets too bad to deal with and I look for an out. I just want away from the depressing thoughts so I give myself I reason to cry. A feeling outside of sadness to focus on. The pain makes the sadness go away for a moment.” I said. I had tears in my eyes. “I can’t do this Pedro. I can’t do this with you. I so badly want to be your friend and hang out but, I can’t anymore. I don’t want to be the person that hurts your image and I am already starting to be that person. Please leave.” I said. I dropped my eyes to the floor I couldn’t look at him.

“No, I want to be your friend and you want to be mine. You are not hurting my image what makes you think that?” He asked.

“I looked on Instagram and found a photo of us and I just see hundreds of comments pointing out the obvious. You shouldn’t be seen with me. You are going to hurt your image hanging out with the fat and ugly girl. I am far to insecure for any of that.” I said still refusing to look at him.

“Stop it. You are not fat and you sure as hell are not ugly. People are going to be mean. It’s just unfortunate nature that they are mean but, you are not mean. You are so kind and beautiful. You are sweet and I thought you were just overall happy but, I want to be there for you the way you are for me.” He said. “Pedro please go.” I said. It’s the only thing I can say as the tears fall from my eyes.

“This is ridiculous. Just think about this, okay?” He said. He got up from my bed and walked himself out of my place. I followed him and locked the door. I am not going anywhere right now. I probably won't leave my house at all next week.

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The problem:

After he left, he started to send me text messages telling me how important our friendship was to him. That he didn’t want to lose me as a friend, and it broke me. I just fell back into my bed and cried my eyes out until I was too tired to cry anymore, and I fell asleep. I ignored my phone when I woke up and got onto my email and saw the contract the producer sent me and just signed it and sent it back over to him. He wanted to start a month from now, so I had enough to survive financially for a little while thankfully. I was in no rush to get a job. I heard my phone go off all day switching between phone calls and text messages from Pedro. I didn’t answer any of them. I let the week go by without responding to him before I opened Instagram again and saw the trending image of him and I were going around popped up.

Comments:

“She could stand to skip a few meals.”

“She needs to quit eating her weight in food.” “Pedro deserves better.” “He would never.”

“He deserves better.”

“Too ugly and too fat.” “If he wanted a pet elephant, he should have just said that.”

I closed Instagram quickly. I can’t do this. Everyone is so mean. I don’t have anyone. The one person I do have deserves better. I walked over to my frfridge and pulled put the bottle of wine and uncorked it. I started to drink it from the bottle and walked back over to my bed. I sat on the bed and cried nonstop. I started to reach for my blade in my nightstand when I heard a loud knock on my door.

“Hey, you weren’t answering me so I had to come see that you were alright.” Pedro yelled through the door.

“I just need to see that you are physically okay. You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to but, I have to know your alright. Please.” He said. I pulled my hand away from my end table and started to cry more. I am not okay. I want him in my life but, I don’t want to hurt him. I walked over to the door and opened it. He pushed my door all the way open and stepped inside and shut the door behind him. I continued to just cry and show him I was hurting.

He reached out to me and pulled me in for a hug.

“Its alright. Everything is going to be alright. Shh. Its going to be alright.” He pulled away and started to look all over my front and back of my body. He looked all over my arms and then pulled me against him for another hug. He squeezed me a little harder.

“You didn’t hurt yourself.” He said. He squeezed a little more. “Oh thank you. Thank you for not hurting yourself. It’s all going to be okay.” He said. He kissed the top of my head.

“No its not. I haven’t seen one half decent comment in that photo that’s trending. Everyone’s right it doesn’t matter how it comes off. They are all right. You deserve better. It doesn’t matter what you think. All your fans think you deserve better and I agree.” I said attempting to dry off some of my face where the tears had already started to stain.

He pulled away from me and started to help dry the tears off.

“It doesn’t matter what they think of you. It just matters what you know. You know that I think your beautiful. You know I love spending time with you. You know how amazing you are. You know how big your heart is. I love that about you.” He said. He knows how to say the right things.

“Pedro, you can’t say all the right things like that. This would never work. I’m too insecure to do any of this. I could never be okay with the hate this would bring me. I would never survive the amount of comments being thrown at me. I don’t like the attention on me whether it’s good or bad. I just can’t do it. I’m sorry.” I said. The tears kept falling.

“I’m so sorry. I want to be everything that you want me to be but I can’t. I’m disgusting. I can’t do that to you. I can’t be the person that drags your image down. Not a chance in hell. Please go Pedro. Please go and don’t come back. Please can you do that for me? Because I can’t do this. I know I will eventually fall hard for you. Harder than I already have and I can’t do that to you.” I said. The tears won’t stop. I feel like I’m drowning. He let me go and stepped away from me shaking his head. He slowly turned around and headed for the door. He left. He walked out of the door like I asked and he left. Fuck this just broke me. It hurt more than I thought it would.

The aftermath: (a year and a half later)

“So Pedro we haven’t seen you with your girlfriend in over a year. How is that going?” The interviewer asked.

“Actually she and I never dated. I never got to be so lucky to date her.” He said as the picture of the two of us together popped up on the screen.

“Oh why do you say that? You two look lovely together.” The interviewer said.

“Life gets to complicated when someone is in the spotlight. We don’t actually talk anymore either but, I know she is doing well. I’m very proud of her.” Pedro said.

He's proud of me?

“Oh really? What for?” The interviewer asked.

“Well when we mutually stopped talking and walked away she ended up pitching an idea to a director and they took it and produced a movie she wrote. Since then she has written three movies and released a book. I have watched every single movie that came out with her name attached and read her book and she seems to be doing an amazing job.” Pedro said.

“It sounds like it. It sounds like she was special to you Pedro.’ The interviewer said.

“She was, she still is.” Pedro said with his eyes getting glossy.

“Almost seems like you loved her.” The interviewer chuckled a little.

“I did. I fell in love with her hard. All it took was the first time we met and we bumped into each other and my iced coffee poured out on the both of us. She insisted to buy my coffee and she ended up ordering the same thing as me. It took a while for me to admit to myself that I loved her but once I did I just wanted to be around her all the time.” Pedro said looking a bit sad.

“I’m sorry. That’s awful. It almost seems like maybe it wasn’t so mutual of you two separating at all.” The interviewer continued.

“No it was. I mean it was for her. Everyone was picking at her online. She was already insecure about some stuff but with all the negative comments about her looks well with what you would think would make her tear herself down she wasn’t thinking about that. She was thinking her being around me was going to somehow ruin or affect my image. I told her that wasn’t going to happen but she kept pointing out the comments and how rude people were being and she didn’t so much care what they said about her but she cared that it was going to affect me or how it would affect me. In a way she wanted to walk away as a way to protect me in her eyes.” Pedro said.

“Anyway enough about that. Can we get on a happier subject please.” Pedro said and started to rub his legs and then crossed his left leg over his right.

Oh my god. No please. Can I just message him. I wonder if his number is the same. This is an interview from a week ago. I’m going to see if he still has the same phone number. I open up my contacts and scroll down to his name. I hit the call button and hold the phone to my ear. I hear the dial tone and someone answered the phone.

“Hey this is Tiffany on Pedro’s phone. Who is this?” It was a female. She sounded amazing. Who was she?

“Hello?” She said into the phone again.

“Hey baby who is it?” I heard Pedro say in the background. He found someone. He is with someone else. I pulled the phone away from my ear and hung up with tears in my eyes. I waited too long. I should have just called a year ago.

Pedro’s POV:

“Hey should was that?” I asked Tiffany.

“I don’t know they didn’t say anything.” Tiffany said. I grabbed my phone from her and looked at the call log. It was Y/N. She called me. She really called me. I clicked on her name and hit call.

“I’m sorry the phone you are trying to reach does not have a voicemail set up yet. Goodbye.” The phone message played and hung up. It didn’t even ring. It just went right to voicemail. Either her phone is off or she ignored the call. I want to see her.

“Tiffany I hate to do this but, that girl I was talking about on that interview just called and I want to go see her. Can we reschedule?” I asked.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Go get your girl.” Tiffany said. She has become a good friend of mine since y/n left. I walked out of Tiffany’s place and got into my car. I made the familiar drive to her apartment. I think she still lives here at least I hope she still lives here. I pulled into the parking garage and went up to the third floor and saw her car parked in the spot it was the last time I was here. I parked next to her car and ran towards her apartment. I knocked on the door and waited. I heard some shuffling around in the apartment and waited a few moments before knocking again.

“y/n are you here?” I asked through the door. I heard shuffling again but, no one came to the door.

“y/n are you okay?” I asked again. I heard another round of shuffling before the door clicked open and I was met with her beautiful eyes. They were red and puffy and looked like she had been crying. She looked so different from the last time I had seen her. She lost a lot of weight. Her hair has thinned.

“Pedro?” She said and her voice sounded hoarse.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. She looked exhausted and weak.

“I think I need help.” She said. No. Please no. Not this.

“What happened?” I asked.

“I got sick awhile ago and the doctors had me taking some medication and I am not feeling so good.” She said. Oh okay. That’s not where I thought this was going.

“Okay come on. Let’s get you to the hospital.” I said and pulled her towards me. I closed her door and walked her over towards my car and helped her get in. It took forty five minutes because of the traffic but I took her straight to emergency and because of how critical she looked they took her back right away. I was told I had to wait until testing was done before I could go back with her. It was two hours before a nurse confronted me.

“Pedro pascal?” the nurse said.

“Yes that’s me.” I said waiting for her to take me to y/n.

“I am so sorry for your loss Mr. Pascal.” The nurse said and I almost fell to the ground. What?

“Your friend. She was pretty sick. She had surgery about a year ago to assist with losing weight and even though it went well something ruptured inside moments ago and she fell septic. She past away. I’m so sorry for your loss.” She did what? Why would she do something like that? On top if that she did it alone.

“Would you like to see her?” the nurse asked.

“Yes, please.” I said. I followed the nurse to the room. She was in. I walked over to the side of the bed and leaned over and kissed the top of your head.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry you went through all of that on your own. I’m sorry that you passed by yourself. I love you. I wish I was the one that answered the phone. I love you so much. I wish you were still here with me. I should have fought harder to stay in your life. I shouldn’t have left and I should have came rushing back. I’m sorry.” I choked on the words as the tears came out. She is gone. I’ll never get to see her again. I know her moms number. I think I should call her.

I picked up my phone and opened my contacts and scrolled to her moms name. I clicked on make call and I heard the phone ring.

“Hello?” A woman’s voice came on the phone.

“Hello ma’am, my name is Pedro and I am a friend of y/n’s. I know you two weren’t on the best of terms but, I wanted to let you that she past away today. She became septic after a surgery she had and she is no longer with us. I’m sorry for your loss.” I said hoping to sound like I was okay.

“Thank you for letting me know. I guess I will see her in hell. I told her to make better decisions and quit acting gay or being bisexual or what ever the hell she was.” The woman said. I was too stunned to say anything so I just hung up. What the hell was the matter with her? I don’t understand.

#fanfic #fluff #pedropascal #pedrohub #pedro pascal #pedrostories #pedrito #heartbreak #breakup #heartache #fanfiction #fanfic writing #character death #unhappy ending

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fanfic-lover-girl · 10 months

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Stuttering Sucks

I have stuttered as long as I can remember. But I think it got worse in college...or I became more self-conscious. Maybe both.

My loved ones have never looked down on me for my stuttering and they always reassure me that they don't care. My boss told me the same a few months back when I expressed a desire to skip team standups. I really appreciate it but it is so hard not to feel bad about myself sometimes.

I don't think stuttering is a disability but it definitely makes life uncomfortable. I don't think some people understand why stuttering can be so annoying and frustrating. Here are some examples:

People ignoring you. My English teacher in grade 9 switched her attention from me one time when I struggled to ask a question in class. That hurt a lot. That kind of behaviour does not happen often though. But I have had experiences where I try to ask something or talk to someone and they disregard me (probably because they don't realize I am trying to speak to them).

Difficulty saying my name when I meet new people. I literally spent the fall semester of my sophomore year avoiding meeting new freshmen in my Christian group because of this. I remember trying to say my name to this freshman guy after fellowship one night and I struggled for at least a minute. I was laughing it off but I almost wanted to cry. Circle introductions sometimes fill me with dread as well. There was another time in sophomore year when I tried introducing myself to this senior girl and I had to eventually give up and use my student id. She was cool about it though (still embarrassing).

Sounding stupid. Having broken speech does not make you sound professional at all :(. You have the sentence well articulated in your head but then you have to switch words or use filler when it comes time to speak. Ugh. It's hard to fully express my ideas and sometimes the people listening to me have to fill in the gaps T-T. It's especially frustrating when I do team meetings or presentations. I feel like I am not explaining myself well.

Talking can be painful. Like almost physically painful. Being tense does not help for sure. But even when I feel relaxed, it's like trying to force a rock out of my mouth sometimes. It's almost like I am fighting against my own tongue. I could be speaking fine and then I stumble over one word that refuses to leave my mouth.

Joking can be awkward. It's a small thing but casual jokes are a part of normal friendly talk. But jokes depend on timing and delivery. I think it's obvious why stuttering would ruin a joke.

I did speech therapy for about a year in college and I am considering doing it again. The final lesson my therapist told me was accepting my stutter. I definitely think about it more than others do so I should not worry about it but it is really impacting my confidence - especially at work. Make no mistake - I am a very opinionated and expressive person so this difficulty does not make me hide at home but you know it just makes me feel bad at times.

There was literally a week in a few months ago (May I think) where people kept bringing up my stutter. Family, friends...even 2 drivers! The two driver guys told me they stuttered too and that it went away with age. It filled me with hope not gonna lie but I am unsure if that will be my case.

Small acts help. Sometimes I ask my friends to introduce me if I meet a friend of theirs to take the pressure off me. Or I use my work id to help introduce myself sometimes. Someone at church found it a bit funny when I did it this week (I had a church event after work so I had my work id on me) but who cares? If it helps.

Thanks for reading my stuttering TED talk. I had an awful week with a bunch of frustrating presentations and I had to get this off my chest and stop my mind from torturing me and spiralling in shame about how I sounded.

#stuttering #stammering #speech impediment #speech impairment #stuttering struggles #disability #kind of but not really #work struggles #the struggle is real #self conscious #embarassment #self esteem #speech therapy #speech

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sulevinen · 1 year

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Read also on AO3 ”Odd one out”

CT-7567 wasn’t too thrilled about his new CC-classes. Well, of course he was excited for the new challenges and more advanced learning, but he was nervous about meeting the new people.

There were less CC’s than CT’s by a couple hundred thousand. They were the very few clones that were decanted, even fewer made it out of the tube. Only the best of the best were CC’s, and in this class, CT-7567 was the only CT.

So maybe saying he was nervous was an understatement. He felt like he was going to vibrate out of his skin.

He tapped his leg with his fingers and tried to relax his breathing. He stood at the back of the room, eyes set on the floor to avoid eye contact and to appear as unapproachable as possible, but he guessed that understandably he would be the object of curiosity for many.

”Hey”, someone said, and CT-7567 lifted his gaze towards the voice. ”You’re the CT?”

CT-7567 nodded and glanced between the three CC’s.

”I’m Bly”, the middle one said with a smile, and offered his hand. CT-7567 eyed it and hid his hands behind his back, facing the ground again.

”I’m Bacara, this is Neyo”, the one on the left said, and CT-7567 gave them a rigid nod.

”Do you have a name?”, came the next question, to which CT-7567 didn’t have an answer, so he kept quiet.

”You’re not much of a talker, are you?”

Not in particular. He might’ve been, if there was anyone who would’ve wanted to talk with him, but he wasn’t too keen on testing it now.

”That’s fine. We’re mostly quiet here.”

”As if. Wolffe is a kriffing menace.”

CT-7567 didn’t care for their conversation, so he tuned out and focused on the static in his head. Bly’s statement of them being mostly quiet seemed to be false, as their insistent voices penetrated through the static and made his attention falter.

The few bits and pieces he couldn’t filter out were mostly obscure words that CT-7567 guessed were related to names. Wolffe, Colt, Gree, Blitz… all unique and said in such familiarity and ease that CT-7567 didn’t think anyone could ever have in the CT-classes.

The CC’s had names. Many of them, so it seemed, unlike the CT’s. CT-7567 knew only one CT who had had a name, but he had passed a few weeks before. CT-7567 didn’t remember, to his shame, what it had been, so he had died nameless regardless. That’s how it always seemed to go.

”Hey, you listening?” CT-7567 lifted his head to look at the three CC’s. The middle- Bly, raised his eyebrows at him, the other two were frowning. CT-7567 shook his head, since he hadn’t been listening, which seemed to agitate them all.

”Well, if you ever feel like talking…”, Bly said unsurely, and left with the other two.

CT-7567 looked after them and faced the floor again.

The voices were growing louder the more CT-7567 let his anxieties surface to his chest. More laughter, more bickering, more shouting and arguing. All cramped in a small room, too small for CT-7567 to handle all the new sensory input, from the noises to smells to faces to people.

It was strange how an age gap of only few years could turn the same familiar face into something strange and uncanny.

”Hey.”

CT-7567 closed his eyes. He didn’t want to do this. He wanted everyone to stop. Stop their questions and their walking and their excessive breathing.

They were too loud.

He would never make it.

”It’s okay. I didn’t come here to make you talk. Just uh- came here to say, that, if you need help during training or any classes, feel free to ask me.”

CT-7567 glanced up just to catch a glimpse of the CC, more smiley and tall than the first three.

”I’m Cody. You’re-”, he puckered his lips, ”CT-7567? Do you have a name?”

CT-7567 worked up the courage to talk. ”They don’t give us names”, he forced out a quiet whisper.

”Well, not to us either, but we choose them for ourselv-”

”They don’t let us choose”, CT-7567 said, cutting Cody off. Cody blinked at him and tilted his head, smile fading just a little bit.

”Well then”, Cody said softly, ”I said what I came here to say. Don’t hesitate to ask me.”

CT-7567 nodded and looked away again. After a moment, long enough for CT-7567 to panic about Cody deciding to stay, he finally left him alone.

——————

After the first class, which was surprisingly easy for a CC class, CT-7567 sat at lunch alone. By choice, no less, but he had a feeling it was everyone else’s choice too.

Wolffe, a cadet with a constant half-smile on his face, had stared at him throughout the lesson, and CT-7567 wasn’t sure why. He feared that it was his blond hair, or then his CT-number, or maybe he was friends with Bly. Either way, he had been staring at him for an uncomfortable amount, and when CT-7567 had sat down at lunch, Wolffe had circled around his table as if he wanted to sit down.

CT-7567’s frown had made him decide otherwise, and the other CC’s had followed Wolffe’s example. So, it was their choice really, that he was sitting alone.

Still, someone laid their tray down opposite of CT-7567, and for some reason, he wasn’t surprised.

”Hey”, Cody said with a smile, and sat down. ”Did you like your first lesson with us?”

”It was fine”, CT-7567 mumbled over his mashed potatoes, trying to overcome his repulsion over the texture.

Cody kept quiet, holding a fork in his hand, but didn’t start eating. CT-7567 kept his eyes on his food, refusing to let them stray away anywhere near Cody.

”Was it harder than the CT-classes?”

CT-7567 swallowed. ”I guess it was supposed to be.”

He looked up to see Cody’s smile widening. ”So it was easy?”

CT-7567 nodded and bit into his piece of bread.

He liked bread. If he could choose, he would only eat bread. It had minimum flavor, nice crunchy outside and soft inside, enough to chew on without breaking his teeth. He didn’t care for the butter, but it was more dry and harder to swallow without it, so he endured the saltiness and weird sliminess of it.

”Next class might be harder”, Cody said, chewing roughly. CT-7567 scrunched his nose a bit at the sound, highly disapproving of chewing and talking at the same time, but tried to not let his annoyance show. ”Just a heads up.”

CT-7567 nodded again, and finished his bread. He took his fork, but contemplated whether he actually wanted to eat the potatoes or the processed meat again.

”You don’t like it?”, Cody questioned, and CT-7567 shook his head slightly. Cody hummed, and before CT-7567 could even blink, he had swapped their trays. Cody’s plate was empty of meat and potatoes, only the bread and a few vegetables were left. CT-7567 opened his mouth but no words came out, so he settled on a baffled stare.

Cody smiled. ”You can have my bread.”

CT-7567 stared at it. It was untouched, unbuttered, perfectly sanitary.

”Thank you”, he said quietly, and took it between his fingers, biting into it. Cody nodded and ate the rest of CT-7567’s meal, and CT-7567 thought that if Cody wanted to sit with him in the future, to maybe trade his bread, then that wouldn’t be so bad.

——————

CT-7567 breathed raggedly and tried to keep the sobs in. He forced his arms to stay down, fists tightly gripping his pants, and stared at the ground to avoid eye contact with the trainer.

He had been screaming for a while. At first CT-7567 had listened, but then it became too unbearable and incoherent to make sense. Something about… about CT-7567’s shooting, or something. His nerves had failed him. He had failed his squad.

His squad that now stood completely silent in attention behind the trainer, looking at CT-7567 with pity.

It was even worse than annoyance or anger. He wished he could tell them to stop pitying him, he got enough og that from his batchmates and Alpha, but of course he couldn’t speak to them. They wouldn’t probably even want to hear it.

The trainer went quiet and barked something to someone behind CT-7567, and shoved him aside. CT-7567’s gaze didn’t move from the floor, everything was still blurred by the tears he was desperately trying to hold in, and the strange unreality he was feeling kept his eyes unfocused.

He felt like that often. Mostly when he was overwhelmed, when his heart beat too fast and his lungs didn’t get enough air and his brain just stopped working. And after starting the CC-classes, he felt like this more often.

Unreal. Out of touch. Disconnected.

He didn’t like the feeling of floating in the air, stranded. He didn’t mind the quiet loneliness of it, but he did mind the vulnerability. But he couldn’t break free of it and force his legs to move, or his arms, or his head. Not even his eyes. He just stood still.

Someone put a hand on his shoulder, and spoke directly into his ear, and a dark patch came to his vision. He tried to concentrate on it, but his eyes were too tired to do it, so he just stared ahead. Then, he felt someone grab his leg, and another, and heave him up on their back. CT-7567 laid his head on their shoulder, breathed in the scent of shampoo and sweat, and closed his eyes.

——————

CT-7567 did turns in CT-classes and CC-classes. It was for the best, the trainers had decided. He was too over his head to fully transition to the CC-classes, but still too skilled for the CT-classes, so really CT-7567 felt like he was being pulled between completely different dimensions.

The CT-classes were more boring and tedious, teaching all the things he either already knew or was so disinterested in that his brain couldn’t focus. Neither was a good thing, because if he already knew the answers, he was accused of cheating and was teased by his classmates for being a know-it-all, and if he didn’t focus, he was berated for not paying attention and was teased for being stupid.

Most nights CT-7567 went to bed in tears.

The CC-classes on the other hand were so quick-paced and chaotic that he had a hard time keeping up. His new CC-classmates all knew each other, knew where to go and what to do, and often hurried between places and left CT-7567 behind, on his own to find his way to the right class. He was scolded for being late, or for not knowing what to do, or for not understanding the assignments on first try. It often resulted in him running extra laps or getting more work to do, or punishing the entire class because of him.

On those nights too, CT-7567 cried himself to sleep.

——————

Cody seeked CT-7567 out after every class. Sometimes he got out early and was waiting outside CT-7567’s classroom, sometimes he was late and popped in to CT-7567’s secret hiding spot in the locker room.

”Hey”, he smiled, and CT-7567 eyed him over his datapad. He nodded his greeting and got back to reading.

”What are you reading?”, Cody asked, not losing his smile despite CT-7567’s attempt to ignore him, and sat down on the floor next to CT-7567.

”Something for class”, CT-7567 answered, and flicked to the next page. ”It’s hard.”

”Need help?”

CT-7567 read over the page, the letters and numbers floating around like leaves in water.

”Yes please.”

Cody hummed and took the datapad from CT-7567’s hands, lips puckered in thought as he read through it.

”Hm, math”, Cody made a tsk-sound, ”my least favorite subject. I’m not big on equations.”

”It’s not equations, it’s subtracting”, CT-7567 said, and Cody side-eyed him with a smirk.

”I did this class last year. I think I still remember how it’s done.”

”It’s important. You’re supposed to know how it’s done. Otherwise the Kaminoans have failed your education and you won’t get on the battlefield.”

Maybe he was being too harsh. But it was the simple truth, and the exact fear that corroded CT-7567’s mind every day. It felt good to say it out loud.

”Don’t worry CT, I know my way around math just fine. And don’t be so stressed about knowing every single subject: out there on the field you have your brothers and you work as a team and each member has their strength”, Cody said and handed back the datapad. ”So, you could find someone from your class to help you.”

A nauseating fear set in CT-7567’s stomach, and he shook his head, curled his toes and pulled his arms to his chest.

”No, I don’t want to.”

Cody turned to face CT-7567, and frowned. ”Why not?”

”They don’t like me.”

”What makes you say that?”, Cody lifted his eyebrows.

”They just don’t. Nobody ever likes me.”

”I’m sure they would if you gave them a chance.”

”I don’t want to. It’s too hard.” CT-7567 hid his face behind his datapad, the only shield he had from Cody’s piercing gaze.

”Why?”, Cody asked gently, and lowered the datapad. CT-7567’s fingers slipped, and Cody took it into his hands.

CT-7567 squirmed a little in his place and folded his hands, rubbing his left palm with his right thumb. ”I’m not normal. They’ve always said that. From my hair to my brains, I am different. And I always will be, and I’m not supposed to be. And- and it’s too hard, to get over it, because everyone is always going to see my difference. And I’m not- I’m not going to be like them, ever.”

Cody was quiet for a moment, staring at the ground in thought, until his eyes flickered to CT-7567’s hands and he frowned.

”Do you always do that?”

CT-7567 looked down at his hands, where the skin of his left palm was broken and bleeding on his fingers. ”Do what?”

”That. Skin picking. You’re bleeding everywhere.”

CT-7567 made his left hand into a careful fist and cradled it into his right to stop the blood from falling on the floor.

”Sorry. I’ll go to the medic”, he mumbled and got up, Cody following him in haste.

”Need me to come with you?”

CT-7567 wanted to say yes, he hated the medbay. But everyone else went there alone, without a problem, so he didn’t want to make it seem like he had a problem. ”No. It’s fine.”

——————

CT-7567 hated the training simulations, which made him hate the eventual war too.

”CT-7567, this is the third time”, the trainer scolded him over the intercom, for everyone to hear. CT-7567 glanced over at his squad, whose faces he could only imagine. ”From the fourth time you’ll be out the field.”

”Yessir”, CT-7567 struggled to keep his tone even, and breathed out. He blinked rapidly the hotness from his eyes, biting his cheeks to stop the tears from forming, and concentrated.

”Flank right!”, an order came, and CT-7567 moved his legs before his brains could keep up, so he stumbled a bit, but got behind the wall where his squad was waiting.

Neyo, Bacara, Wolffe and Gree.

”You alright, kid?”, Wolffe asked, and CT-7567 gave him a shaky nod. ”The orders come in fast, you gotta be moving before they even finish their sentence.”

CT-7567 had noticed that, and he didn’t like it at all. He didn’t like how quickly the orders were gone with no chance of repeat, and how he was reacting slower than the others. He tried to not think about the fact that if he didn’t manage this, he would be put back to the CT-classes. Which came with more cons than pros, just like the CC-classes.

So he’d have to try harder.

”Keep running north, avoid the enemy”, came the next order, and CT-7567 scrambled after his squad.

He kept Wolffe’s head in sight at all times, and with his vision somewhat higher than usual, he could see the enemy — a training droid — close in from the left. Wolffe kept running forward, and CT-7567 didn’t have the energy in him to open his mouth, so he jumped forward, without thinking.

The shot stung, but it wasn’t as bad as a real one would’ve been. So CT-7567 could get up on his feet almost immediately after the impact and let Wolffe shoot the droid. Wolffe grabbed CT-7567’s shoulder and pulled him behind a barrier.

”CT! Are you alright?”, Wolffe grumbled, and CT-7567 groaned.

”I’m- I’m fine”, his voice pitched a bit, ”it- it doesn’t hurt- anymore. Just stings a bit.”

”You need to get to the medbay.”

”No way!”, CT-7567 shouted, and Wolffe raised his eyebrows at him. ”We’re nearly there. And- you don’t just get to leave battle for a small injury.”

”We’re not in battle yet, kid”, Wolffe said, and aimed somewhere at the training field to shoot a droid, ”you still have the chance to leave.”

”This is a simulation, a practice, so- in practice, I’m supposed to practice being on the field, which means that I’m supposed to be practicing staying on the field.”

Wolffe’s half-smile returned momentarily as he chuckled. ”You’re insistent, kid. But trust me when I say that you want to savor these few moments when you’re still able to call it quits. Even a small injury can compromise the team. Just flag out.”

CT-7567 breathed. ”I don’t want to.”

Wolffe glanced at him, and frowned. ”This isn’t a debate anymore, kid.”

”You don’t get it! I am the only CT. I am supposed to prove my worth. I don’t get to just call it quits, if you CC’s can’t. I can’t be treated different in battle too! It’s not fair!”

Wolffe pulled him by the shoulder to the ground, and shot at a droid that had appeared behind CT-7567. He gasped as his bad leg hit the ground, and Wolffe pulled him back to sit.

”We’ll talk later. Now, you get out.”

CT-7567 wanted to scream, to object, to throw a punch maybe, but the pain became too unbearable. So he just faced the floor and nodded, shaking Wolffe’s hand off of his shoulder.

——————

”Skin picking again?”, Alpha walked into the medbay, and CT-7567 shook his head.

”I got shot.”

”How? You’re good at dodging”, Alpha said, and sat next to CT-7567.

”Well, Wolffe isn’t. So I jumped in front of him.”

”Heroic.”

”Cost me the battle”, CT-7567 mumbled, wiggling his feet around.

”There’ll be many more, don’t feel too bad”, Alpha smiled, patting CT-7567’s back. CT-7567 flinched and moved away from Alpha. ”Are you enjoying your classes?”

CT-7567 nodded. He wasn’t sure if ”enjoy” was the right word, or if he was even glad to be there anymore, but he liked some aspects of it. Or maybe just the one.

”I made a friend.”

Alpha’s eyebrows shot up. ”A friend? Who?”

”His name is Cody”, CT-7567 said, and Alpha’s face lit up.

”Ah, Kote”, Alpha nodded, ”he’s a good kid.”

”I like to think so.”

——————

”The CT is completely incapable.”

CT-7567 sat behind the lockers, holding back tears.

”He’s just a kid”, he recognised Bly’s voice, ”cut him some slack.”

”Exactly”, another brother said, backing Bly up. ”He’s a kid. He shouldn’t be on this class.”

Oh. Was that Bly’s point too? CT-7567 hated not knowing.

”Or what do you say, Cody?”, Neyo, CT-7567 guessed, asked with an insistent tone. ”You hover over him constantly. Saved him from that trainer too when he went into that weird catatonic freak out. What do you think about him?”

The corridor was silent for a moment, and he heard someone sigh.

”I believe in him”, Cody’s warm voice said, and CT-7567 bit his cheeks to not to cry. ”I think he has potential. He’s just… different.”

”Different, alright”, another one scoffed, and the others mumbled something. ”He’s a weirdo. Eating just bread, staring into space, making his hands bleed. Did you see when he completely froze and got blasted by a droid? And he’s supposed to be on the battlefield in a couple of years.”

The others hummed their agreement, and CT-7567 heard at least two different laughs. But by the sounds of it, Cody wasn’t having it.

”Quit it”, he said so loudly that CT-7567 had to cover his ears. ”He’s not a weirdo. He’s just different, and he’s our little brother, and we’re supposed to help him out. Stop being shabuirs and leave him alone, or we’re going to have a problem.”

”Alright alright, chill out Kote”, a strained voice whimpered, and after a loud bang, CT-7567 heard a set of heavy breaths. ”I was just saying. Why did they put him in our classes if he can’t handle it?”

”He can”, Cody said gravelly, and CT-7567 skittered around the lockers to get out of sight as they walked past the place he had been hiding at, ”it’s only been a few weeks. He’s tough. He’ll make it.”

”Without your help?”

”Eventually. And you are going to keep your mouth shut.”

——————

CT-7567 had been avoiding Cody. Despite his good intentions, he didn’t want Cody hovering over him, he wanted to make it on his own. He wanted to prove to those- shabuirs , that he was capable, and that he deserved to be in the CC-classes.

It was frustrating how much time it took, how many beratings and scolding he had to endure, but eventually CT-7567 pulled through.

He got through the simulation with his squad, and they were congratulated by the two trainers. The other one even dared to spare a smile.

CT-7567 was still a bit out of breath, but beaming from excitement and pride. He separated from his squad as soon as he could, so that he wouldn’t be victim to their pattings on the back, and put his training armor into his locker and ran off.

He didn’t know where he was going, but he started to feel like something was wrong.

Very wrong.

The pride in his chest turned into something heavy and suffocating, like burning liquid around his lungs, and he tried to keep the tears in until he’d make it to the bathroom.

He didn’t make it. His legs gave out right outside a CC-barrack, and he tried to breathe instead of sobbing, failing miserably.

He didn’t understand. He had succeeded. And he had been congratulated and praised. Why was he feeling like his chest had been ripped into a vacuum?

He heard noise coming from the other side of the door, and scrambled to his feet, just when the door opened to a familiar face.

”Oh hey, CT”, Cody smiled, and CT-7567 tried to desperately smile back, maybe for the first time in his life.

He tried to answer with a simple hello, but what came out was a restrained sob, a cough almost, and his legs wavered under him again.

”Woah, hey, what’s wrong?”, Cody asked and laid his hands on CT-7567’s shoulders, steadying him. ”What happened?”

CT-7567 tried to breathe, but his lungs refused to operate. He kept taking in breaths, but couldn’t bring himself to exhale, just long dragged whines that escaped past the lump in his throat.

”Hey! Hey, look at me. It’s okay. CT, look at me.”

CT-7567 didn’t want to look. He couldn’t stand the eye contact, and he couldn’t stand Cody. He didn’t want to be like this around Cody. Then the last and only person who had ever believed in him, would think he was incompetent, like everyone else did.

So CT-7567 resorted to closing his eyes when Cody tried to lift his chin to make CT-7567 look him in the eye. Cody spoke softly to him, something about sitting down, but CT-7567 pushed him away.

He wanted away. But he had no way out, nowhere to run. Just this corridor, and these lights, and these strong smells and odd noises and Cody. Everything was too loud, the air vents and the lights above and Cody’s breathing and the fabric of CT-7567’s clothes.

CT-7567 slammed his hands against his ears. Why was the world so loud?

CT-7567 let out a whine as he kept hitting his ears, and the world kept flickering in white and red as the noises kept getting more overbearing. Everything was too much, gathering in his chest and filling his veins and muscles with such intense energy that he felt like he was going to explode.

He felt something being stuffed into his ears. Something fluffy but rough. He let out a scream and tried to claw them out, but someone grabbed his wrists and put them on his sides. CT-7567 struggled against the tight hold they had of him, and fell backwards trying to escape. Someone caught him and he fell into a warm hug.

Whatever was in his ears, it quieted the world. CT-7567 breathed slowly through his mouth, his nose stuffy and eyes still closed, and he tapped the ground with his feet, his whole body vibrating. His arms were tightly squeezed against his chest, hands clinging to someone's arms wrapped around him, and CT-7567 was somewhat comfortable.

But he didn’t like being held.

He let out a whine and pushed away. Whoever was holding him, grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back, and this time CT-7567 melted into the touch. He was so tired. He didn’t know why, or what had happened, but he knew that it had made him tired.

He wanted to fall asleep against whoever was holding him, but forced himself to stay awake. He’d have to go soon. He’d have to compose himself, quickly.

He looked up, and was met with Cody’s warm eyes and soft smile, and he sniffled, hugging him tight.

Maybe he had known where to go, after all.

——————

”Are you alright?”, Cody asked, frowning in worry. CT-7567 put two breads on his tray, his and Cody’s, and Cody took his and CT-7567’s meat and potatoes, like always.

”I’m fine”, CT-7567 said and turned towards his table. It was always empty when he came to eat lunch, and it was almost as if everyone knew it was his table.

He guessed everyone wanted to avoid the weirdo.

”You sure? Yesterday was kind of intense”, Cody said, and sat down opposite of CT-7567, like always. He had seemed to completely discard his friends to be with CT-7567, and though he didn’t understand why, he liked to have company.

”I’m fine”, CT-7567 said again, and bit into his bread. Cody looked at him in worry for a moment, before turning to his meal.

They ate in silence, like always, and CT-7567 went over the newest book he had been reading, which unfortunately wasn’t for class: but all the more fascinating. He had found it browsing the facility’s library that morning, and had read it three times already. It was about dinosaurs. Just the name made CT-7567’s skin crawl and his stomach bubble in excitement. He had never heard of them, and had never even known there had been life on Kamino before the oceans, and he was beyond excited with this new information.

”Do you want to hear about dinosaurs?”, CT-7567 asked, and Cody lifted his head up. He glanced around the mess hall before smiling.

”Hit me.”

CT-7567 frowned. ”I’m not gonna hit you.”

Cody laughed. ”No, I meant- as in, go ahead. Tell me.”

CT-7567 lifted his eyebrows and let out a hum, fanning through his mind for something to begin with.

”Well, before Kamino was covered in oceans, it had land”, CT-7567 started, and Cody nodded. ”And on that land, about 65 million years ago, there were dinosaurs. They were reptiles, from the smallest prey to the largest predators, and they ranged from herbivores to carnivores.”

CT-7567 kept talking, reading the book from word to word, and Cody kept listening. He nodded at times, the smile glued on his face, and didn’t interrupt him once. For a moment CT-7567 worried that he was boring Cody, but he told him to keep going.

So he did, and got all the way to page 18, when Cody shushed him and frowned at something behind CT-7567.

CT-7567 turned around and his stomach twisted.

”Heard you had some episode last night”, Neyo said, and sat down next to CT-7567. CT-7567 squirmed in his place, glancing at Cody, who shook his head ever so slightly.

”What was it?” Bly questioned, and Cody frowned at him.

”It was nothing. Just a meltdown.”

A meltdown?

”A meltdown?” Bacara echoed CT-7567’s unsaid question, and Cody eyed CT-7567 for a moment.

”Yeah. It’s a response to overwhelming feelings or situations. It’s common with autistics.”

”A meltdown… like a tantrum? That toddlers have?” Neyo asked and scoffed at CT-7567. ”Aren’t you six already?”

”Leave him alone”, Cody said sternly, staring Neyo down. ”It’s not a tantrum. It’s a way to relieve stress. It’s not something they can control.”

Bacara hummed, eyeing CT-7567, ”So you have autism. That explains a lot.”

”Can you shut up?” Cody grumbled, and Bacara backed away a bit.

”I wasn’t trying to be mean. It does explain a lot. We just thought that he was a weirdo.”

”He still is”, Neyo said.

CT-7567 startled at the loud clatter of Cody’s tray as it hit the ground, followed by a scream as Cody’s quick paced hand curled into a fist and hit Neyo. Cody struck him right on the nose and the blood splattered everywhere, mostly on CT-7567’s clothes. CT-7567 yelped and jumped back, falling on the floor back first. He groaned and scrambled backwards, watching in horror as Cody yelled and Neyo screamed, Bacara and Bly tried to tear them away from each other, and other brothers from nearby tables joined the screaming.

CT-7567’s vision started burning with red stains and lines, spiking throughout the scene like shrapnels penetrating his eyes and making them bleed. He whined and covered his eyes with his hands to stop the colors from attacking him, but they still flickered in front of his eyes in tune with the yelling and horrifying thumps of fists hitting flesh. CT-7567 squeezed his eyes shut, pulled his legs to his chest, and started nodding his head up and down, covering his ears from the noise.

——————

Cody didn’t show up to classes for a while. CT-7567 was worried for him, but from the whispers he heard that he hadn’t been decommissioned. Just relocated away from Neyo.

CT-7567 wished he had been relocated too. He hated the classes now that Neyo’s nose was crooked and he was always glaring at CT-7567 as if he had been the one to throw the punches.

But CT-7567 had a new guardian. He supposed it was Cody’s doing, because he had never seen him in his life before, and he stayed back, just close enough to scare Neyo away but far enough to avoid CT-7567. He didn’t even know his name, but CT-7567 supposed as long as he was there to keep him safe from the others, he didn’t mind.

——————

”You’re back?” CT-7567 asked before he could bite his tongue. Cody smiled at him and patted his hair.

”You’ve grown”, Cody said, and CT-7567 scoffed.

”No I haven’t. It’s been three weeks and four days. People don’t grow that fast.”

Cody hummed. ”Must’ve been just the armor then.”

CT-7567 looked down at his new training armor, given to everyone in the more advanced CC-class. It was even more demanding than the first CC-classes CT-7567 had participated in, but the trainers had said he was ready. CT-7567 hoped so, since it was his first step to becoming an ARC.

And he was very excited about that.

”So you’re back?” CT-7567 asked again with a frown when he realized Cody hadn’t answered his question. Cody gave him an odd expression and sat down on the bench.

”Not exactly. I just have one class here, now that Neyo completed it.”

”So”, CT-7567 said carefully as he sat down, ”you’re not allowed anywhere near Neyo?”

”No”, Cody grimaced, but smiled as he looked at CT-7567, ”but that’s okay. The guy’s an asshole. He’ll grow out of it, but… maybe it’s for the best that we’re not in the same room.”

CT-7567 nodded and stared at the lockers. They sat in comfortable silence, one that CT-7567 had missed, and for the first time in three weeks and four days he felt content. The peacefulness that he didn’t think he could feel with anyone else except Cody washed over him and in the fleeting moment he could finally breathe.

Sometimes CT-7567 was utterly confused how Cody could be so different from his other brothers, but he was just happy Cody was there, so he didn’t care to think about it too much.

”Have you been doing alright?”, Cody asked and patted CT-7567 gently on the back. Ticklish electricity traveled through CT-7567’s spine and he flinched away from Cody’s hand.

CT-7567 shook the feeling away and nodded, lifting his eyebrows. ”I’m fine. There’s some new cadet hov- following me”, he corrected himself quickly, worried that he had exposed his eavesdropping: but Cody didn’t seem to notice, just nodded his head.

”Yeah, that’s Doom”, Cody said, and chuckled. ”He really lives up to his name. Nobody wants to approach him, so you’re safe. At least until his classes with you are over.”

”I don’t understand”, CT-7567 frowned, ”you asked someone to look after me?”

”Yeah, I thought that after the- um, unfortunate incident in the mess hall, Neyo would try to avenge himself, somehow”, Cody said. ”Just a precaution. Neyo’s kind of like that, he lives with the kind of eye-for-an-eye-mentality.”

”Eye for an eye…”, CT-7567 said thoughtfully, then shook his head. ”But, why would you do that? I got you in trouble. You could’ve- I don’t know, just… left me alone.”

”I would never do that, CT. I’ll always take care of you”, Cody smiled softly, and CT-7567 leaned against him without noticing it. ”Even when I’m not there.”

——————

Alpha glanced between Cody and CT-7567, genuinely disapproving.

”You can’t blow up at the medics like that, Kote.”

Cody squirmed. ”I know, Seventeen, but-”

”No buts”, Alpha grumbled and Cody snapped his mouth shut. ”They’re the medical professionals in charge of your health. Getting on their bad side is… not good.”

CT-7567 didn’t know if Alpha had decided to use milder language because of his presence, but he would’ve preferred if he didn’t. Words so vague left too much for his imagination.

”I’m sorry”, Cody mumbled, and nudged CT-7567 with his hand. ”They were being mean to CT.”

Alpha lifted his eyebrow at CT-7567 and his eyes wandered to his hands he was trying to hide behind his back. Alpha sighed and crouched down, opening his hands for CT-7567 to take.

”How bad was it this time?”, he asked gently, inspecting the work of the medics, and CT-7567 looked up at Cody.

”They gave him stitches.”

Alpha groaned and dropped his head, breathing in slowly. CT-7567’s vision blurred and his hands got hot, so he let go of Alpha’s hands to wipe his cheeks, and tried to fight a sob.

”I’m sorry Alpha.”

”I know, kid”, Alpha smiled up at him and patted his shoulder. ”It’s okay.”

——————

Cody stuffed CT-7567’s ears with something fuzzy that made CT-7567 want to rip his ears out. He screamed and squirmed in Cody’s tight hold, getting tired of the struggle, but refused to give up. The world was silent but the crawl and itch of his skin didn’t get any better, especially with Cody’s arms around him, burning his skin away.

No matter how much he screamed or kicked or tried to hit Cody, his tight hold of his arms and shoulders didn’t loosen, making it impossible to break free. CT-7567 felt so hopeless, and tired, that his sobs calmed into ragged breaths and he slumped against Cody’s chest. CT-7567 closed his eyes, the hot tears rolling down his cheeks and his entire body shut down.

CT-7567 didn’t know how long they were there, but Cody didn’t try to leave. He just kept the same tight hold of him, his head on CT-7567’s shoulder and breath warm against his ear. CT-7567 was utterly exhausted, his eyelids were too heavy to keep open and his thoughts were completely still. He couldn’t even start thinking about dinosaurs, it was all too overwhelming. The static in his head was louder now that the whole world was silent, and CT-7567 tried to remember a time when he hadn’t felt like this.

This was close to a routine by now. Unexpected and unpredictable meltdowns, followed with a shutdown. At any time of any day, CT-7567 would find himself on the floor fighting heaving sobs, his world filled with awful noise before the damned cotton in his ears could silence it. Then came the static.

He was getting tired of it. He couldn’t take it much more, but he didn’t have a solution, any idea for an escape from the overwhelming sounds and smells that crushed him beneath them. All he could do was let the emotions wash over him like a grand tidal wave and let Cody take care of the rest.

——————

CT-7567 wondered if this would last forever.

If talking would always be hard. If meeting new people would always feel like he was being suffocated. If he would always be too different from the rest to ever have friends. If he would always feel lonely, and isolated, and out of touch. If he would keep getting misunderstood, and judged, and ridiculed. If he was doomed to be the weirdo of Kamino, a freak, an outcast for the rest of his life.

If he would always feel like a stranger around his own brothers.

CT-7567 didn’t mind not fitting in. In fact, it was quite peaceful, he got to stay by himself and enjoy his own company, but he didn’t like how alienating it felt. He didn’t want it to last forever.

Forever is a long time, especially for a lifetime. That meant that his forever would last just until he died, and he didn’t want to die like this.

——————

”I hear you haven’t been doing well”, Alpha said with a soft smile. ”I know the cure for that.”

”What is it?”, CT-7567 asked tiredly, and closed his datapad. ”A brain transplant?”

Alpha chuckled, and offered him his hand. CT-7567 didn’t take it, but got up anyway. It was best to see what nonsense Alpha had come up with as quickly as possible, so he could get back to his book.

”There’s someone I want you to meet. His name is CC-1010.”

98 notes · View notes

sinclaire-by-the-sea · 27 days

Text

R-001-SG-04/130417

[RECORDING STARTS]

[RECORDER CLICKS ON]

(Sigh)

(The sound of waves can be heard in the background.)

SINCLAIRE:

I... I'm not entirely sure why I've done this.

She told me I didn't have to.

(Pause.)

(Sinclaire inhales)

I'm... My name is Sinclaire. Sinclaire Gossamer. I'm twenty-three years old, and I live alone in a lighthouse. The date is Thursday, April thirteenth, 2017.

(Pause.)

This is dumb. I'm just talking to some lame recorder. Doesn't even have the courtesy to be a tape recorder. At least then it'd have some semblance of ambience. All I have is the echoing lounge room and waves to keep me company. It's cold. I'm cold. I can't imagine how it's going to be when Winter rolls around.

For reference, if I somehow develop early onset Alzheimer's, I'm in the southern hemisphere. That means Winter in June through to August. My lighthouse is off the coast of Te Waipounamu, the southern island of New Zealand.

I'm not from New Zealand. My family's English. Admittedly there's a little guilt in being the descendant of a race known for colonising. I recognise and respect Māori culture, I'm not a raging racist or anything. I just feel bad.

I feel bad all the time.

(Pause.)

I'm rambling. Avoiding the topic.

(chuckle)

(Sinclaire exhales disappointedly.)

Sandra wanted me to do this. Sandra's my therapist. Sandra Sadowsky. She's from Russia, I think, but she doesn't have any accent.

Anyway. She recommended that I journal my thoughts. I thought she was insane. My handwriting is ass and the signal here isn't the best, and I don't have the means for a typewriter. And then she said I could record myself speaking.

I considered it, and... here I am.

You see, I'm not really the best with my... feelings. I never really... I've never been good at my emotions, despite my mother's best efforts. I had a girlfriend once, too, who tried to help with it. She did help. But we ended on bad terms, and since then, I've kind of forgotten all of it. It's a shame, really. But I shouldn't dwell on the past.

So Sandra told me I should journal my thoughts to better understand myself. I don't see the point. I still do all of this thinking, just not out loud into a tape recorder.

It also means I can't do my thinking while I'm out. I don't think I'd look very presentable if I was rambling into an audio recorder on a supply run.

Oh god, I'm picturing it now. Walking through the grocery store, going down the fresh produce aisle, leaning into my jacket and letting my emotions and darkest secrets go free. I'd be in people's minds for /months/. Good lord.

So... yeah, I don't really know why I hit record on this.

But Sandra said it could help. And Sandra's usually right. So I'm humouring her. Maybe there'll be benefits. Who knows, maybe I'll become happy and carefree. Maybe I'll get a proper job and won't have to live in this concrete tower that's always cold and always echoes, no matter how many curtains I buy.

But let's be real.

That's not gonna happen.

Sandra's gonna have my head for that comment. But these recordings are never going to see the light of day. Her loss, I guess. (Chuckle.)

So, let's get things all orderly. I've been seeing Sandra for about three months now. She's been trying to get me to journal for the last three sessions. I started seeing her because some past traumas had resurfaced, and I wasn't all that well. So, she told me I should find a way to process things and come to terms with what happened to me. At first, I was dismissive. I thought that she didn't know anything about me. I've had to realise that she does, in fact, have good ideas.

And you know the rest.

I'm not... I'm not ready? I don't think?

To talk about my... past.

(Pause. Sinclaire inhales)

Sandra doesn't really know about it either. She knows a few details.

But. I don't want to talk about it, really. And I'm not ready to.

So, I guess this is just going to be me rambling and repeating myself until I'm ready enough to talk about it.

...

(There's a long silence. Wind and waves fill the quiet. Sinclaire's breathing is picked up by the recorder.)

SINCLAIRE: I like it here. It's quiet.

(Another long silence. Sinclaire sighs.)

SINCLAIRE: I don't have any friends.

[RECORDER CLICKS OFF]

Beat.

[RECORDER CLICKS ON]

(waves can still be heard.)

SINCLAIRE: Signing off.

[RECORDING ENDS]

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pinkpersonsblog · 9 months

Text

Title: Tears at a Gravestone

Characters: Jai, Lava

Summary: Jai visits their mother's grave on her birthday and is overwhelmed by emotion as he catches up with her.

Word count: 2,931

Jai stood at the foot of the grave holding a bouquet of white roses. He was grateful the cemetery was mostly empty because he wanted privacy as he visited his mother. It would have been her fifty-fifth birthday. Jai had not visited her grave in many years. He did sometimes dream of her, and those tended to be the only interactions he had with her. In his dreams she would lend him a shoulder to cry on because he felt stressed. He hadn’t been given such an opportunity in many years, and it was only in his dreams that he felt comfortable being vulnerable.

He bent down and placed the roses against the headstone, then knelt down and sat in front of the grave. Traced her name with the tips of his fingers as though it were something holy. Although it had happened so long ago, he still felt a gaping hole in his heart due to her absence from his life. Perhaps she was the only person he had really felt affection for as a child. He’d never forget how compassionate she’d been towards him. He’d been sidelined for all his life for his damned stutter, but she’d never pointed it out mockingly. Instead, despite his being shunned and ridiculed for it, she’d told him that it made him special. She’d said she liked it because it was unique. Quirky, even. That he should like it, too.

“Happy bi-birthday, mom,” Jai said, smiling sadly. For the first time, he wished that she could see the man he’d grown up to be. Not so long ago, he’d felt a deep-seated shame that perhaps she wouldn’t be so proud of. After all, he had been a violent tyrant. A far cry from the innocent and doting son he used to be. He’d kill without thinking twice about the damage done. He thrived off of instilling fear in those around him and he’d loved it. Or so he thought.

Since sacrificing himself for Lava and Kusa, he turned a new leaf. Much had changed. It was as though the goodness in him was slowly being replenished, that he’d rediscovered a zest for life that he hadn’t had in so long. That he might even be capable of living and caring for and doing nice things for people. And liking seeing them happy because of him. It was a strange feeling...enjoying doing things for others.

Of course he still felt wary at times of exposing himself. Letting his guard down too much. He especially hated when he expressed the slightest kindness and was teased for it afterward. But he was taking things a step at a time, with his brothers’ help. Gradually opening up and allowing others to see him for who he really was—a young man with desires, hopes, and dreams. And not regretting it afterward.

“I don’t kn-know if you can hear me or not...to be honest, I don’t know if I believe in an afterlife at all. Maybe th-that’s why I’ve been so…the way I’ve been. Because I thought I’d get away with it. But if you can hear me, I ho-hope you’re at least at peace. If you can’t…then I guess I just need to pretend you’re here because I need to talk. Being the selfish ma-an I am.”

He felt awkward talking like this to his mother. To be honest, Jai wasn’t much of a talker to begin with. He tended to avoid saying more than was necessary because he hated the sound of his stuttering voice. But somehow, he’d been emotional today and felt like he needed some form of reassurance from her. He inhaled deeply and continued talking.

“I found Lava and Kusa again...it’s we-weird to say it, but it’s always so surprising how they look almost exactly like me. Sometimes I hate watching their faces when talking to them...it’s like seeing who I could have become if I’d reached my potential.” Jai paused, glanced around as though someone could overhear him. Looked back at the headstone and tried to relax. No one’s nearby, he told himself. It’s okay. “But we’re all so di-different. I’m so different.” Jai cast his eyes downward guiltily. “I don’t know how I could be so stupid to let my rough childhood define me the way I di-id. I feel like it shaped me into such a hateful ma-man.”

He felt embarrassed just thinking about how he resented his brothers so much as a child. Now that he reminisced about the past, he felt stupid for being so angry back then. Even though, at the time, he’d hated his brothers for being held on a pedestal before him. And perhaps anyone would have felt the same way, if they’d been raised as he had. Sometimes he wondered if his stutter wouldn’t have gradually vanished if he’d just been happier back then.

“I m-miss you a lot, though. You were always so kind to me. Made me feel like I wasn’t as alone as I thought I w-was. I miss...I miss your hugs.” Jai scratched the side of his head sheepishly as his eyes unconsciously narrowed at himself. Like he couldn’t even believe what he was saying. It was still so hard for him sometimes...being nice. Even when he wasn’t sure if anyone was listening.

“But I’m not the same boy you raised,” He said, eyes hardening further. “I hu-hurt so many people, mom. Even tried killing Lava and Kusa. I would have killed anyone if they crossed me.” Jai sighed shakily. “I was bad. So bad. And I th-thought I’d never escape the pull of hurting others until it was too late. I feel like I should have just died that day,” he added, almost as an afterthought. “ I sh-should have,” he decided. “I should have died.”

Tears welled up in his eyes, remembering that car with the bomb attached to it. The one with which he’d intended to instantly kill his brothers. They would have been engulfed in flames, but he would have been forced to endure a life in hell if the murder had been carried to completion. Jai blinked rapidly as his hands trembled in his lap. “I can’t be-believe I almost did that. That I could have done that to my own brothers. My brothers who are as identical to me as they are my opposites.”

Jai’s voice cracked as he lowered his head in shame, suddenly feeling like he didn’t deserve to be here sitting in front of his mother’s grave. If she’d seen the type of man he’d been up until now she’d probably spit in his face. Tell him to disappear out of her life forever. How could anyone love a monster like him? Tears spilled down his cheeks as his body was wracked with sobs. Sobs—for what? He wasn’t even sure anymore. For his mother? For the agony he’d dealt towards others? For the agony he was so close to dealing to his own brothers? For the man he used to be and that he could never fully escape no matter how hard he tried? He didn’t know for certain.

All he knew was that he wanted to change.

Jai swiped at his wet eyes, feeling lightheaded. A rush of desire overwhelmed him as he wished he could be like Lava—trade places with him, even. Lava, whose eyes were always tender and filled with love. He was so generous and compassionate. He genuinely cared for others’ well-being. Jai’s heart twinged sharply as he realized that maybe he not only idolized his brother, but also deeply envied him. Maybe even hated him for being so pure...so untainted in this harsh world. It almost made his blood boil that life had been so cruel to Jai while his brother had been able to live as a morally righteous man with no guilt weighing on him. He felt that familiar surge of desire to maim and kill the man with the power of his mind... But it really would be like attacking himself, in the end. That was what hurt the most. They were so emotionally attached that he couldn’t do it without wanting to kill himself in the aftermath. The worst of it was that even Kusa, who was a criminal as well, was still a saint compared to Jai.

“I di-didn’t think I was capable of compassion until recently. Just thinking about how we share this steely bond, how we sometimes seem to think like one, share the same mind almost…we’re so connected. I think I love them more than anything,” Jai murmured dazedly. He began admitting things he didn’t even like to think to himself when he was alone. A whirlwind of emotion rushed within him. “I ne-never felt love for anyone before. I never let myself grow close enough to someone to fe-feel it. I feared intimacy...affection. It even disgusted me.” Jai was sweating now, knowing he was admitting unspeakable things. But he couldn’t stop as the dam within him had burst, allowing him to reveal these hidden parts of himself. “And sometimes I think about things I’ve done, and I feel like I could ne-never deserve forgiveness, to be seen as an equal to others. But Kusa and Lava...they treat me like I’m their equal. Th-they forgave me for the unforgivable. When I don’t even deserve it.” Jai bowed his head as he stared at his hands. “What do I do, Mom? How can I accept such lo-love from them? When I’ve been so evil and cold-hearted? When I’m a mo-monster? A monster...I’m a monst—”

“You’re not a monster.”

Jai’s eyes widened and his heart froze at the soft-spoken voice coming from behind him—a voice that was as gentle as a breeze, yet strangely like his own rough and gravelly one.

One that could only belong to one person.

Jai meekly turned around and saw Lava standing behind him carrying a bouquet of multi-colored flowers. He had an easy smile on his face as he stepped forward to place the flowers next to Jai’s white roses. He sat across from Jai, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he smiled bitterly. “You wouldn’t be here if you were a bad guy, Jai. You need to accept the fact that you’ve changed.”

Very kind words, and perhaps what he needed to hear, but he felt like he couldn’t accept them so easily. He felt awkward and uneasy, knowing his brother had heard him expose himself to their mother. Depending on how much he had overheard, anyway. He blushed in embarrassment, realizing Lava may have at least heard him say that he ‘loved them more than anything’. He found he had trouble looking Lava in the eye, as though he’d be met by an amused sparkle.

“But ch-change isn’t easy,” Jai argued, forcing his practiced scowl onto his face. Looking mean always helped him when he felt weak. “I’ve been evil for so long. How do you know I won’t cut your fi-fingers off for disagreeing with me in the future? Because that’s something I would have done in the past. I don’t trust myself,” he added as an afterthought.

“The past is in the past and that’s where it should stay,” Lava said wisely. “But it’s up to you to make sure of that. You’re the only one being hard on yourself, so learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes. Just don’t make new ones, okay?” Lava’s lips quirked upward in an amused smile. “Or else I’ll beat you up.”

Jai forced down his laugh at his brother’s attempted joke, unable to accept his words. His scowl deepened, contorted his features as his eyes welled up with tears. “But I ki-illed people like it was nothing. I would have killed you, too. You, who were so kind to me. You both would have di-died if you hadn’t been lucky enough to learn of the bomb.” Jai sobbed brokenly knowing there was nothing Lava could say that would make him feel better. He was lucky they had survived what should have been certain death. He ached terribly, haunted by the decision he’d made that day.

Lava was silent for a few seconds as Jai heaved sobs with his head bowed. He shifted towards Jai slightly, placed a hand on his shoulder, making him tense up. “It was a mistake. A grave one, I admit, but that’s all it was, Jai. You made a mistake because you’re human. Not a monster. You’re just very, very flawed and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I would have do-done it,” Jai said, eyes glazed as he imagined the explosion...their graves.“Because I saw it as just another couple of deaths. Another couple of ca-casualties. That’s all you two were to me. Just a number.” He shuddered at himself. “I don’t deser—”

“Shut up,” Lava said as he took hold of Jai’s rough, calloused hands, squeezing them gently. “Just shut up.”

Jai bit his lip as tears continued rolling down his face. He never allowed himself to cry in front of people, yet he almost felt comfortable doing so in front of Lava, someone who he knew wouldn’t pass judgment on him. At least not cruelly. He briefly wondered if it was possible his brother was in fact perfect. Then again, almost anyone was, compared to him. “You wo-wouldn’t even be here right now...I’m a bad guy. A bad guy...” Jai muttered brokenly, almost as though it was comforting for him to repeat this to himself. He felt tempted to rock back and forth like a madman and keep repeating it like a mantra. “Horrible…”

“Even if you are,” Lava said, pulling him into a warm hug, holding him tightly. “Even if you’re the most evil, despicable monster in the world, you’re still my brother. And I don’t see you as Raavana. Forget that name. You’re Jai. Good, kind Jai.”

Jai’s eyes widened. It was like he’d needed to hear this from his brother all along just so he could believe it. Or at least start to...it took all he had not to smile at such kind words. His lips wobbled as he struggled to control his emotions. Struggled to revert back to his sour demeanor. He felt like a mess...

“I’m here for you.” Lava paused briefly to press a kiss against his hot, wet cheek. “As long as I’m alive. Because I love you, Jai. We love you.”

And those words...’I love you’...they managed to rip a raspy sob out of Jai the likes of which he’d never vocalized in his entire life, not even as an infant. It would have embarrassed him if he were in his right mind. Instead he sobbed raggedly in his brother’s arms, wishing he could expel all of the self-hatred he felt along with his tears. He wished he could love himself as much as he loved his brothers. His mother. He wished he could free himself from the burden of being him.

“How can you lo-love me,” Jai rasped out between breaths as he clutched at his brother. He couldn’t understand it at all. He didn’t understand the concept of forgiveness. He was so used to revenge and hurting others for his benefit that it still flew entirely over his head. He felt dazed by it. “How? I don’t deserve to have your damn fa-face, let alone your love…”

Lava rubbed his back soothingly as though he were a small child. Murmured sweet things to him, trying to console him, almost as though he were their mother instead. The things he said were things Jai had always wanted to hear. And now that he was hearing them, they seemed to fill a vast void within his soul. It made him feel heard and it felt so good he could only weep at it.

“I love you,” Jai said despite himself, and the way he said it was like a revelation, like he had discovered something holy and enlightening to his core. He didn’t even regret the raw emotion with which he’d said it. “I love you,” he said again, this time just because he liked the way it sounded, him saying this. An evil monster saying it. He never felt so exposed in all his life, so open and vulnerable that his entire body felt flushed as though it were embarrassed just to be a part of him. Yet for some reason, it felt strangely nice.

Reassuring.

They sat there in front of the grave just holding onto one another for several minutes, up until it started to rain. And even then, they remained a while longer, just relishing the feel of each other’s bodies. It felt so wonderful to have someone who was like another part of him to hold onto like this. In fact, it even felt heavenly. Maybe he was the one in heaven after all. That was how it felt being in his brother’s loving embrace.

Jai unconsciously nuzzled his face against Lava’s shoulder, liking the intimacy of the act. Was this what it felt like to care about another person’s well-being? To enjoy their company and comfort? It was enthralling...it made him crave it, want to fill his heart to the brim. As he held onto Lava he wondered insanely if maybe some of his brother’s goodness was even rubbing off on him. Like he was a magical entity. It was oddly beautiful.

Love...compassion...brotherhood…

...He could get used to it.

#jai lava kusa #fanfic #fanfiction #rrr #junior ntr #jai kumar #lava kumar #Jai lava kusa fanfiction

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