#I got asks for that thing and then I just. didnt. do art

[technicallyaminecraftsimp]

for hermit fanon swap thingo,,,

arctic fox tango !!

imp joe

e l d r i t c h e t h o s l a b

blazeborn mubo jubo

So I ended up only doing two of these four, mainly bc I wasn’t too confident with all of them. But here you go! Blazeborn Mumbo and Arctic fox Tango!!

[umblrspectrum]

infinitely funnier visuals in my head, likely because they werent subject to my actual skill level in art

[mblue-art]

it's for a tiktok, they said... it'll be funny, they said...

[ pls do not repost . reblogs are ok ]

images under the cut !

[moeblob]

[oifaaa]

But what if i wanna see your thoughts

Trust me you don't I know what's going on in my head and I'm telling you you don't wanna know be glad I add everything I post to my queue so it gives me time to come to my senses and delete the most stupid of my thoughts

[slavhew]

Hello!

If you're not too busy, would you mind listing some of the things you think count as death flags for Mr. Spender?

There's the obvious fact that he's the "old" mentor to group of young protagonists, but what else do you think would count?

OHH BOY ok so I'd think I'm a crackpot for this but since we're talking about Zack "Foreshadowing" Morrison. I have some thoughts

No harm in leading with the (chronologically) first thing that jumped out at me:

This one IMMEDIATELY made me antsy whenever I came back to it after my initial read, and considering Zack has referred to it on twitter in the past as one of their favorite jokes it's definitely not been forgotten about.

Second, the sheer amounts of near-misses, jokey or not, of Spender narrowly avoiding specifically lightning

Again, not much, but it's weird that it happened thrice, latter two of which had real gravitas rather than an one-off joke.

And third, Spender himself. He's repeatedly shown himself to be kind of a self sacrificing idiot, as well as prideful to a fault. Granted, it's both him and Mina trying to take on all the responsibility of saving Mayview and its inhabitants from their fate.. But Spender is exactly that right measure of doesn't-value-himself-enough (chest footprint aftercare or lack thereof), having an obscene amount of power (enables his loner act + pride) and poor judgement that has the capacity to put him at great risk. And it has!

Spender has not only shown low enough self-esteem to view himself as the de-facto scapegoat for the safety of the town, but also prideful enough to make very bad calls that end up in people, often himself, hurt (COUGH FORGE INCIDENT COUGH)

This is all conjecture, but it's definitely enough to make me worried about him :') Even if all this doesn't mean he'll necessarily die he's definitely getting (even more) seriously injured at some point. I love the guy but he's so far doing a horrible job of convincing me he wants to live bad enough to circumvent at least that

[sweetdreamscafe]

Koban@Sandy: Yowch, you look like you've seen better days. How'd'ja end up with so many missing spikes? Did they fall off? Did ya keep them?

rare huggable cactus (real)

[paula-of-christ]

it makes sense of course that you would not be able to then have a down payment if he doesn't agree to it (since it's a mutual expense too) but don't you have your own money to buy stuff that you want?

Yes and no. All of my money is his money and all of his money is my money. IE we share everything, even if we have it in our 'own' accounts, it's expected that it I need something (like gas in my car) and I don't get paid for 2 days, he pays for it. Or if we need groceries and he doesn't get paid until the end of the week, I buy them. If I want to buy something not in our budget, I generally ask him for permission to do so. He usually doesn't say no unless it would be an exorbitant espense (more than $50 or so). If I want something but can only be purchased online, I ask him to purchase it for me.

This works best for us because I work part time and sometimes don't get hours at all on days I'm scheduled to come in. For example I was scheduled yesterday, but since there was only one appointment, I didn't go in. We would have a slightly different arrangement if I was working full time, but I'd still ask permission to buy things. We also are not well off by any stretch of the imagination, as the only thing that keeps us above the poverty line is his works generous bonus system. So our budgeted monthly 'fun' money that doesn't go to savings is about $30.

[qiekzart]

Nah, it’s just an idea or suggestions since not many people sending you a request right now, right? honestly you don’t have to be so rude about it ^_^ have a nice day

have u even seen my blog??? wtf do u want me to draw???

yknow what yeah sure man ill quit my entire challenge bcuz some rando on tumblr said that i have to do requests for other fandoms to get requests /s

sorry to be mean on this blog, i asked for requests, not your bad idea and im honestly kind of annoyed at you!

[kellystar321]

.

[mylifeisruined69420]

I love your art please dont feel bad about it Despite being a beginner you seem very strong there Occasionally I go back through my posts and see those drawings and they are beautiful in a way, there is a charm there that cannot be captured never ever again I was shocked because despite some things, you had full pieces too not many can manage that along with many other things, when I saw your art when you had made a post about trying it out I smiled and I felt proud rather than judging It felt like something a passionate person made, a passionate person that wanted to extend their horizons, a passionate persons that loves her crow very dearly all these feelings from a drawing you made A first drawing you made when you decided to try it out something that could grow even more beautifully than it already is Please be proud and If you really want to pursue it, please do Because I see something beautiful there

Appreciation post for all the beginner artists who work hard despite the AI ​​looming over us. You are fabulous. You are precious. Keep up the hard work, you are needed.

[tomorinakosa]

neeko is still our online persona. really she's just us when we dont know who we are, like the blind eternities from the MTG world. we prefer to be called by the name of whoeveres fronting tho, being called neeko and referring to the body as neeko was causing lots of disconnect i think. still love the lizard, will keep her forever. need to make a squishy bouncy vtuber model to stream with of her. shes the only visage we could really settle on. she's kind of an OC at this point lol....

[illdragyoudownwithme]

my followers went from 400 smth to 700 smth to 500 back to 700 now its at 400 smth ,,,, in the last month

i dont know what the fuck to believe this is crazy

[eltehdork]

Audhd

[comikbook]

so you talk about your religious trauma and it’s a major theme in your art, and i was wondering what your current relationship with religion is? is in, do you practice any religion or consider yourself religious? if it isn’t too personal :)

im willing to answer !! i dont talk about it on most of my socials outright because people tend to misinterpret things intensely when it comes to this kind of topic, but ill give it a shot trying to write it out. In fact, I will give the whole story of my experience with religion. So its gonna be long.

there will be talk of psychosis, eating disorders, delusions, and self harm in this post. However I will not be graphic in my descriptions.

To start out I suppose for context, my parents are not catholic. my mom doesn’t talk about religion, and my dad doesnt follow anything in the real sense, but practices a lot of principals of buddhism. My nana was catholic, and my extended family vary in their religious beliefs.

That being said, (i think to my nana’s influence) when i started school i attended a small private catholic school which has since been shut down. fun fact ! if you’ve ever watched the Netflix doc “The Keepers” my school was only about 3 miles from where one of the nun’s bodies were found. The priest who was suspected to be the one to blame previously taught at the school i went to before moving to the one he is known for teaching at. Not really relevant, but i did always feel a bit uneasy there as a child so it was a weird thing to find out later.

Anyways, I attended this catholic school for 3 years. pre-k, kindergarden, and first grade. I would often ask to use the restroom and just wander around the halls or hide in the bathroom. I would get scolded for asking questions that were “inappropriate”. The one i remember most vividly was “If God created all of us, who created God ?” to one of the nuns, who became upset with me. We weren’t taught whar we should have been, and when I did move to public school i was far behind my peers in specifically science, math, and history, but I digress. This is my one class photo from our yearbook !

It is important to note that my first remembered instance of psychosis started when i attended this private school. My mom was picking me up one day, there was heavy traffic. She was trying to get over and was complaining no one would let her. I caught myself staring at my reflection in the front mirror of the car, and the clicking of the blinker kind of overwhelmed me. In the constant clicking I “decoded” a message that involved me being told to do something particularly violent. In my small brain in addition to my outside influences, I thought the person that sent this message to me was God. I was confused as to why, but I felt i did something wrong to deserve it. i quietly prayed in the back seat internally for forgiveness.

So I started to receive more messages from “God” commanding me to do something or another, typically vile in some way. i would hear this voice in my head frequently, until eventually it faded out and stopped. I dont remember when it stopped, i just remember i had this experience as a child and then when i was a little older i just didnt think about it anymore.

I do have gaps in my memory of my childhood, pretty big ones, for reasons im still struggling to understand to this day. So that makes things fuzzy. I do remember falling back into religion briefly in middle school, but eventually fell out of it again.

As i approached the end of highschool my mental health was tanking. Mostly with depression and anxiety, however this wouldnt be the worst it would get. In 2019 I was in college and things were getting increasingly worse. I was one of the few people that loved the isolation of the quarantine actually, i fear if not for that what was to come would have been way worse.

My symptoms of psychosis started to creep back into my life. I was already isolating before the quarantine, but got worse after it had started. I know i said i enjoyed it, and i did, but it also fed into some bad habits. Anyways I was becoming increasingly scared and paranoid, I was actively self harming, I was extremely depressed. I had plans to take my own life, a few of them actually. I started eating less. I didnt think much of it, I was just depressed, i have been depressed most of my life so this was just a particularly bad bout for me is what i thought.

That is, until one night where I had my first psychotic episode. It remains to be the worst and only very big episode i have had. I dealt with it mostly alone, never alerting my family of it. I was on the phone with one friend i had at the time, although they were not the kindest to me overall. Despite that they sat with me. This episode led to me standing in one place for over 2 hours too scared to move. When I finally did, it seemed to trigger a more violent outburst.

I wont go into too much detail but i left the experience cried out, bloodied, and heavily bruised. My legs were entirely black and blue for over a month following. After this episode I finally decided to try to get help, and I met with my psychiatrist for the first time. I was immediately put on several antidepressants which ended up being beneficial but in the beginning caused me to lose my appetite entirely. This is when i fell more and more into my eating disorder. With this though, I was still experiencing delusions and hallucinations and got put on my first antipsychotic.

It helped with my symptoms, and it helped me get back to a normal weight. Even tho at the time I was abusing my adderall I was still able to get my body (mostly) back to normal, at least physically. That being said, while my symptoms were lessened they were not gone, it just became less scary to me. Maybe it was because I was being desensitized, but thats something to ponder another time.

I started to become more and more infatuated with catholicism again from that original episode forward. I was obsessed and that voice of god returned to me. I started hearing clicking and chirping coming from the back of my right ear, which ive dubbed as a “chip” in my brain placed by god for me to receive his messages. I thought there was an evil inside of me that needed to be let out, which i did by participating in frequent bloodletting to force out the bad, and make my body create newer, cleaner, and holier blood. This was something i felt I had to keep up often so that this evil force wouldnt take over. I was eventually able to stop self harming, and have been clean for over 2 years now. It is hard and i still feel the need to “cleanse” myself, but i try my best to push it down.

Fast foreward to 2022 and I would start the first piece in my painting series. I still experienced symptoms but much less frequently ! I started to detail my experience thru art. I would finish the first piece in my series titled “Forgive Me Father” in 2023. Since then I have made many more.

So we finally get to today. I have waited to talk about my current relationship with religion until the end as I felt the context was necessary, and to be honest it is complicated. As you can tell, It has effected me greatly and has come and gone in my life.

I would say from where I am now, I am not religious. A better way to put it i suppose is i consciously make the choice to not be. Like I said its complicated.

I like to think of it as there is two of me in my body. One is paranoid, scared, and extremely delusional. This is the part that still believes god is communicating with them. This is the person that still prays for forgiveness and cries over the fear of being sent to hell for their sins, all approved and constructed by god himself. and then theres my rational side, which exists im sure solely because of my medication. This part is extremely self aware, can tell when i am being delusional or irrational, who knows this is something caused by my illness. They exist side by side, at the same time, always. They fight in my head for control but always exist simultaniously, think of it like a pie chart. one may be more prevelant but the other is still always there.

So in a way, there is a lot I do personally believe. That being said the reason I do believe is because of my schizophrenia. So I choose to navigate my life as someone who actively does not believe as an attempt to not let the delusion control me. do i think people who are religious are delusional ? I do not, but I know in my personal case what leads me to believe these things is an unwell mind.

I still have an intense fascination with catholicism and religion in general. I think its a beautiful thing, it moves me, but i must keep it at a distance to avoid hurting me. It is not something I can actively engage in outside of general interest because it would kill me, and despite my previous statements i would like to live at least a little longer haha.

With all that said, and I doubt anyone will read this whole thing, its been a rollercoaster of a ride. If anyone has questions about it, feel free to ask. Im an open book about this stuff online most days, and Im willing to offer any information about it.

[todayisafridaynight]

if you post less...... do you have a new sideblog perchance. a new interest

makin this sound like a rumor that i got a crush on a classmate !!!!!!!