#I guess it's a little misleading to tag this 'fanfic'

[apparitionism]

Smoke

Here are some of the “Alarm” story outtakes I mentioned. I’m calling them “Smoke,” both because I can and because that’s all they are—evidence/traces of something, rather than the thing itself. I’ve tried to give a sense of where they were intended to fit, and why they didn’t... I do get explainy about process, but I hope it all at least suggests the shaping that (I think) is important for even a trifle such as “Alarm.” Format-wise, I’ve put my extratextual thinking in brackets, and I’ve left the “story” bits pretty rough. So without further ado...

Smoke

[In one of my stabs at the ending, the alarms went off not when Myka and Helena were on the elevator, but rather in the middle of the night, after they’d already sealed the deal:]

As Myka wrenched to consciousness, she recognized one element of the situation immediately: no smoke. Thus this was another malfunction, unless electricity, and walls... not quite as immediately, she registered another extremely salient element of the situation: she wasn’t alone. Rather than being able to revel in that astonishing new fact, she had to struggle to get out of bed and deal with the situation.

Helena sprang up as well—clearly disoriented for a moment—but then she too realized. She flung herself from the bed.

Myka: You aren’t wearing anything!

Helena: What does that have to do with smoke alarms!

Myka: I’m guessing that’s what set them off!

Helena: Flattery does not remove batteries! And you aren’t wearing anything either!

[I probably should apologize for being in love with the flattery/battery rhyme, but I have to admit I would totally have shoehorned it into the final version if I’d got the line itself right. Which I didn’t manage to do: what comes between “flattery” and “batteries” really ought to be another dactyl, and nothing I came up with worked at all in Helena’s voice. Anyway, after battery removal:]

Myka: Well, that was exhausting.

Helena: I thought you said I exhausted you earlier.

Of course, in response to the alarms, there came a banging on the door.

Helena moved as if she might be about to answer that door.

Myka: You don’t even have your dressing gown! Clothes—I have them! (This she said as she pulled on T-shirt and shorts, trying to ignore how inaccurate the term “clothes” was, given the inadequate coverage they provided.)

“I have them.” Helena said. She gestured vaguely around the bedroom, where it was true her clothes were. Most of them.

Myka: Okay, great. Put them on. You answering the door fully dressed at this time of night? What would that say about the masquerade?

Helena: Perhaps that we play particular roles at this time of night.

Myka: File that under ‘things I don’t want anybody thinking about me—or knowing, even it turns out to be true.’

That prompted a raised eyebrow from Helena, and how did Myka manage to notice that in the continued absence of clothes?

Myka: Just let me deal with this.

[Which she would have done, and Helena would have found Myka’s dismissal of Nate impressively emphatic. (I wrote her telling him off at least three different ways, and it refused to sound anything other than clichéd—one of several reasons I backtracked and had the alarms go off while they were on the elevator.) Myka would then have cautioned Helena thusly:]

Myka: I’m sure he can make our lives miserable.

Helena: If we’re truly together? I don’t see how. Won’t we be deliriously happy?

“Measures,” Myka reminded her, even as she was transported by “deliriously happy.”

Helena: (suddenly vicious) I’ll measure him right back. We’ll see who’s more persuasive in conversation with the super. We’ll see who, that is, might bring to any such conversation a professionally executed oatmeal scotchie. Of which I’ve been reliably informed the super is fond.

Myka: You seem alarmingly well prepared for this conflict. Armed for it, even.

Helena: Nate’s been pursuing me for some time, but your arrival intensified the situation. (Pause, clearly intended to recast what “the situation” actually meant.) The masquerade. I so wanted it—subtle as it was—to become real.

Myka: I have to push back a little on ‘subtle.’ Given the initial dressing-gown event.

Helena: Subtle between us.

[Something something something here. The conversation wasn’t working, but eventually:]

Myka: I wanted that too. For it to be real. For just about the whole time.

Helena: I hope we continue wanting the same things.

Myka: I hope we get better about showing it.

Helena: These hopes seem productive. And I know you have an affinity for the productive.

****

[Another version: in the kitchen, after Myka asks if they’re really talking about chairs, Helena initially gives no answer (just like in the “real” version), but then she’s the one who speaks into the silence, like so:]

Helena said, “I might be...” She winced. “Afraid.”

“Of?” Myka asked, as she prayed to the universe, Don’t let her say “you.”

What Helena did say, eventually, was, “Fire.”

Myka had never heard that strong word said so tentatively. An unexpected boon: it relieved her own fears of how differently she and Helena might be feeling, relieved her additional fears of how differently they might be weighting their feelings. She said, “Somebody told me ‘where there is no smoke there is no fire unless it is electrical,’ and while I’m not real clear on how the metaphor works here, I’m pretty sure you said you were going to hold your thought.”

“I intended to,” Helena said. Her fingers were fidgeting... a tell? “But circumstances change, and so does mood, and one begins to...”

“Lose hold?” said Myka, to which Helena nodded. “Okay. If we have to get back in the elevator for you to talk yourself back into something, then let’s go.” Myka took a step toward the door, but Helena didn’t respond.

[To which non-response Myka in turn responds with the suggestion that they bake cookies, and Helena has the same reaction to the expensive chocolate as she does in the “real” version. The bedroom conversation then had Helena rethinking, saying that “afraid” had been the wrong word for the moment. Myka counters with how she (Helena) had come up with the right word, before—“midnight” for the cookies—and Helena goes on to say that no, “afraid” really had been wrong; she should have spoken not about fear but about obstacles, e.g., time. My margin notes there were mostly just frustrated reiterations of “This is not right!” But in any case, there was never a version in which I didn’t call back to the “where there is no smoke” line.]

****

[There was also a draft that went on for longer—it didn’t cohere with the rest of the story at all, but in possibly positive news it did involve a bit more Claudia, and also some Pete, at various stages:]

They weren’t too busy, or too sleep-deprived, when it mattered.

They managed to find time to insinuate themselves into each other’s worlds.

Myka said to Claudia, in a moment of unusual candor, “She’s so important to me. I want to impress her—daily, hourly, minute-ly—but I don’t know how.”

Claudia: You could try to talk her into publishing her cookbook.

Myka: How do you know she has a cookbook?

Claudia: First, every chef has a cookbook. But second, even if she pretends she doesn’t, she’ll be impressed that you think she does.

This turned out to be true. All of it.

It led to Myka and Helena talking, seriously and not, about what such a tome should be titled. “How Not to Set Off Smoke Alarms,” Myka suggested.

“How to Repurpose Recipes As Attempts at Seduction,” Helena countered.

They eventually agreed on “The Midnight Baker.”

In lieu of immediately publishing said cookbook, Claudia booked Helena on one of her podcasts; giving Myka the scoop afterward, all she could say was, “She. Is. A. Smoke. Show.”

“I know,” Myka said, keeping to herself her many and varied feelings about, and theories of, smoke.

****

[As for the Pete-involved version: he works with Helena at the restaurant. He does the fancy chocolate work, sculpting and decorating and whatnot, at which he’s surprisingly talented, and he’s not allowed to touch anything else. On Myka’s first visit to the restaurant, I wanted Helena to introduce them, and for things to proceed kind of like so:]

Pete: So how did you two meet?

Myka: The smoke alarms in my apartment went off.

Pete (to Helena): Because she’s so hot, right?

Helena: I’m embarrassed to admit that didn’t immediately occur to me. It should have. (to Myka:) You in those quite-short shorts. (fanning herself)

Pete: Shorts? Quite short shorts?

Helena: Eyes up, reprobate.

“Does that mean ‘leg man’? Because I am definitely a leg man. Also”—he gestured at his chest—“a you-know man. Basically an all-parts man.”

Helena (to Myka): I’m incredibly sorry. All I can do is repeat that he’s brilliant with chocolate.

Pete said to Myka, “Here, I just made these.” He presented her with a small perfect sphere of a truffle. “It’s Mars,” he said, and it... was. Realistic rusty-red swirls decorated its surface, and it was so beautiful, so Mars, that she immediately forgave “you-know.” And everything else. In perpetuity.

She couldn’t imagine damaging its perfection by biting into it.

Pete said, as if concerned by her reticence, “I’ve got little model Oppys too, if that’s more your thing. They’re crunchy.”

[And then I have a note about how Myka would probably have remarked on how Oppy couldn’t possibly have been to scale, which... who cares, right? I had the Mars thing in there in the first place because I thought it was cool—who wouldn’t want a perfect chocolate Mars?—but of course it had nothing to do with the story. So then I wondered if he could have made something that would be germane in context... like maybe Myka’s Yellowstone-adjacent rock? But that would’ve required a lot of intentionality and surreptitious planning on Helena’s part, which I wouldn’t put past her, in a “Come to the restaurant because I have something special for you” sense, but that would probably have to have been a later visit, not the first.

However, if there had been such a chocolate replica-rock, somebody would have needed to note that it wouldn’t survive a fire unscathed.

The Pete part continued:]

Pete: So is the smoke alarm thing a joke or what?

Myka: No. Literally. Smoke alarms in my apartment, shrieking at four in the morning. Waking Helena up, across the hall in her apartment... but there wasn’t any smoke.

Helena: They were malfunctioning, and I reset them for her. The alarms. Because as Myka mentioned, there was no smoke.

Pete: But I guess there was a fire though.

Myka: I guess there was.

Helena: I’m glad it caught.

[That might have been an okay line to end it on, but that’s all it was: just okay, not particularly resonant. Also if they were going to retell their meeting to Pete, it would have needed to be more interesting. Why recap it unless it adds something?

In the ultimate end of the lengthier version, maybe everybody would’ve met everybody (except Nate), and they would have formed a restaurant and/or podcasting and/or publishing collective that had “13” in its name. But that would’ve been exhausting, and it wouldn’t have had anything to do with the story’s premise.

There was also a really boring ending where I punted and had Myka and Helena just shrug and say “Well, it wouldn’t take much more time to actually date than the masquerade takes, so hey, let’s go for it.”

And finally, I tried to make them go chair shopping for Myka (Helena continuing her insistence on the point), with the idea that it would start to seem obvious that they’d be sharing the chairs—the furniture salesperson would assume they were a couple and treat them accordingly, and it would essentially have been another case of a masquerade becoming real.

And so ends this excursion through some wisps of smoke...]

Oh, one last thing: If these were real outtakes, in the blooper-reel sense, I would hope they’d include somebody, or a couple of somebodies, coming real close to falling off folding chairs. (I had to restrain myself mightily to keep from knocking them off chairs in the actual story; I’ve had occasion to refamiliarize myself with some of Buster Keaton’s work recently, and it reminded me of the abject delight I take in slapstick. Not that I ever really need reminding, but even so.) Or somebody would be completely incapable of unfolding such a chair, and that would probably have been whichever random actor happened to be playing Helena—far be it from me to speculate about casting—when she’s supposed to be impressing Myka with how smooth and competent she is during the first alarm incident.

[haunted-radishes]

I tried to clarify my tags on my last post, but I think op might have blocked me :( ( @pharahsgf in case I’m wrong about the block and there’s an entirely different reason I couldn’t rb the version of the post I was trying to address ) anyway, I’ll just paste my spiel here, unedited, because I spent so much brainpower trying to write it once, I’m not up to trying to re-write it (under the cut):

Okay...... Now I’m worried that this is referencing my tags, and feel the need to clarify..... hahaha......

Of course, my interpretation is influenced by my own experience as an A/B student with ADHD.

Wei Wuxian can study theory and practice for as long as he wants. When he has a fresh idea, he absolutely has the focus power to test it extensively, tweaking little details until it’s just right. He can even sit still for hours on end if he has something to get out of it.

And I guess here’s where interpretation comes in, I think Wei Wuxian would have no trouble paying attention to a lecture if it was at or slightly above his level. I assumed that all his Cloud Recesses homework was turned in on time and flawless, and his troublemaking and dozing off (iirc) during lectures wasn’t a result of “not functioning in an academic setting,” or even snubbing LQR (although that could be a part of it), but because the material was below his level, and he could tell he didn’t need to pay attention to ace the class. And when he tried to bring the first class to a level that engaged him by bringing up his theory of redirecting a river rather than damming it, LQR shut him down right off the bat, so he gave up on trying to draw anything he didn’t already know out of the lessons. Heck, he probably had so much free time to goof off and get in trouble specifically because he could blitz through his homework in just a few minutes and still be confident that he’d done a perfect job! (side note: did he do Huaisang’s homework for him in the novel, or is that something I picked up from fanfic? If it’s canon, clearly Wei Wuxian writes good assignments, otherwise Huaisang would find a better student to do his work)

I’ll admit, my comments about sitting still and repetitive tasks were incomplete and misleading. What I meant was that he can’t do those if there’s nothing to get out of it. Meditate for a few hours at a time to focus his mind after coming back from his traumatic death? Absolutely worth doing. Practice a sword form until he can do it in his sleep, or test a talisman over and over until it functions exactly how he wanted it to? Even if it goes slowly, he knows he’s learning and improving. Even when he was actively resisting the Wen indoctrination, he memorized at least enough of the texts to turn the Wen’s words back on them. But sitting in a lecture hall listening to things he already knows by heart? That’s just a waste of time that would be better spent sleeping, chatting with friends, and figuring out what makes LWJ tick. And he might as well fidget, slouch, and shift position to stay comfortable.

I think even some people who recognize his academic intelligence tend to assign him gifted kid burnout. But in canon, he avoids that because his passion for learning is backed up by knowing how to study and learn things above his level. Besides, he has what it takes to carve his own path, set challenges at exactly the difficulty he needs, and not wear out under someone else’s constant expectations to either do things he never learned to do or churn out unfulfilling work that he’s way overqualified for. Maybe in an AU he’d end up disillusioned by a standardized school system or meaningless job, but that’s not what happens in canon. We don’t even get to see how he responds to the full course of the Lan lectures because he gets kicked out partway through, and it doesn’t set him back at all.

[moony-artnstuff]

Kintsugi

Pairing: Thranduil x Fem!Reader

Note: This is my very first fanfic ever and I am really excited to post it here. I’ve been on tumblr for a while now and there are some really talented writers on here who with some I have become friends with and who have inspired me to write my own fanfiction (I will tag them below). I know this still needs a lot of work but I look forward to writing and improving at it here on tumblr!

Summary: The reader gets lost in Mirwood during one of her travels and is taken to the palace to meet king Thranduil. When Thranduil notices she has a big scar on her face, resembling his own, he feels drawn to her, and a friendship start to form. 

This was not how you expected your journey to go. When the people of Laketown warned you of the dangers of Mirkwood, they spoke of big spiders and misleading paths, which, in all honesty, should not be that big of a problem seeing you had dealt with orcs many a time and had come out fine. What you did not expect, however, was the fact that the forest seemed to literally try to get you of the path. You don’t know how long it has been since you entered the woods, but it felt like you had been going around in cirkels for days, and the further you walked the thicker the air seemed to become. It made you feel tired, and dizzy.

Crack.

A noise. Right above your head. And as you looked up you saw a spider the size of a horse crawling down from the trees and coming right at you, but right when you went to grab your sword three arrows where shot from behind you, hitting the eight-legged beast in the face. Before you could even blink a group of elves jumped out of the trees, killing the spider within seconds, and then turning to you, bows aimed at your throat. You carefully raised your hands, eyeing a silver-haired ellon who was approaching you.

‘‘Human’‘ he spoke.

‘‘Elf’‘ you answered. His eyes narrowed slightly, they were a beautiful shade of blue. Then he continued;

‘‘You are trespassing our lands, what business do you have here?’‘

‘‘I was only passing through,’‘ slowly you lowered your arms, ‘‘I mean no harm, I just need to get to the other side of the forest.’‘

‘‘Not before you meet with the king.’‘ Turning to the other guards, he ordered, ‘‘Take her weapons.’‘

You furrowed your brow. ‘’Take my-? Hey-!’’ you sputtered, as two guards grabbed your arms and took your sword and dagger.

They took you to the castle, and you couldn’t help but gasp when you entered the caves. Beautiful archways and pillars where carved into wood and stone, and when you looked up you saw that the ceiling was covered in gemstones, reflecting the light of the many torches on the walls. Legolas watched you from the corner of his eyes, and a small smile appeared on his face as he saw you look around in wonder, but it was quickly replace by a look of concern when he noticed the big scar on the right side of your face. Whatever had caused it had blinded you in your right eye, and by the looks of it it had hurt a lot. He wondered how you had gotten a scar like that, but he wasn’t about to ask.

Your eyes were still glued to the ceiling when you were suddenly brought to a halt. A few steps in front of you stood Legolas speaking elvish with someone sitting on a throne. That must be king Thranduil, you thought. You couldn’t understand a word from what they were saying, but you guessed it was about you. Then Legolas turned and left the throne room together with the two guards who were holding you, leaving you in an awkward silence with the king. You took this moment to study his features. He wore a silver and crimson robe, and on his head was a crown adorned with red leaves and berries. On his slender fingers he wore many rings, and his long, pale-blond hair cascaded down his shoulders. He had high cheekbones and a strong jaw, and his eyes were a beautiful icy-blue color. That’s when you realized you were staring at him, and that he too was looking at you, so you look away.

‘‘It is not often a human comes into my realm,’‘ you heard his deep, velvety voice say, and in a teasing tone he continued, ‘‘I’m suprised you haven’t been eaten by any spider yet. Tell me, exactly what business do you have here?’‘

You frowned at his comment. What, did he think you were weak because you were human?

‘‘I was only trying to pass through, your highness,’‘ you watched as he gracefully walked down the stairs, ‘‘I am but a simple traveler. All I tried to do was get to the other side of the forest.’‘ Thranduil only hummed in response. He was now standing in front of you, and his eyes were fixated on your face. You knew he was looking at your scar, and it made you feel uneasy.

‘‘Is there something to look at?’‘ you snapped. You didn’t mean for it to sound as angry as you it did, but you had had a long day and you weren’t in the mood to be stared at. You understood that a scar like your own would attract attention, but you wished the elvenking would at least be more subtle about it. Thranduil however didn’t seem fazed by your little outburst, and simply turned his gaze back to your eyes.

‘‘I apologize. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you come by such a scar?’‘ At this you raised your eyebrow. Why would he be interested?

‘‘When I was younger a pack of orcs attacked my village,’‘ you explained, ‘‘They had set the house on fire, and when I finally managed to escape, after already being burned, one appeared out of nowhere and swung his sword at me, cutting me in the face.’‘ A shiver crawled down your back. You didn’t exactly enjoy recalling this specific memory.

The elvenking simply nodded before he turned and walked back up the stairs to his throne. When he finally sat down he turned back to you and spoke;

‘‘I will send a maid to prepare a room for you. You can stay here for a few days to rest up and eat. After that you are free to leave whenever you please.’‘

That evening Thranduil sat in his room in his armchair, a glass of wine in his hand. He was recalling the events of that day and his thoughts drifted back to you. A human woman lost in his forest. Although rare, it was not uncommon. What was uncommon, however, was his hospitality to you. Of course, Thranduil would never wrongfully mistreat someone, but to give a trespasser a bath, a room and food? That was unheard of, so why did he offer it to you? Deep down he knew why. He felt drawn to you, drawn to your scar. The way it was so much like his own yet you carried it so differently, like it was barely a burden at all. Subconsciously he raised his hand to touch his cheek, where he would’ve felt burned flesh had he not concealed it with his magic. He wanted to know how you did it. How you managed to go through your day without crumbling under the stares and judgement of others. How you didn’t seem fazed when the wind caressed your skinless cheek, or when you felt numbness instead of the warmth of the sun. And he wondered, if you were able to see yourself in the mirror. Did you look away like he did, or couldn’t you care less for the way you looked? 

Putting down his now empty wine glass, Thranduil walked over to his bed, his mind still on you. You’d be here for at least a few more days, plenty enough time for him to find out more about you and your scar. Maybe you would tell him how you were so comfortable with it. And the maybe, just maybe, he too could find peace.

In the following days Thranduil and you spend a lot of time together. He showed you around the castle, lead you through the gardens, and occasionally had dinner with you. And the whole time he tried to find any sign of of discomfort caused by the mark on your face, but he found none. What he did notice was the twinkle in your eyes you had whenever you talked about your travels, or how you always wanted to sit underneath the magnolia tree in the royal gardens, and the way you would occasionally bite your lip when the two of you were reading. And the longer you stayed the more he found himself wanting to be around you just for the sake of your company. After a month he had forgotten all about wanting to know about your scar, and Thranduil saw you as a friends, maybe even more.

Right now he was walking through the gardens. He did not have to attend to any duties this afternoon, and he wanted to enjoy his free time. He hadn’t seen you a lot in the past few days, and he was just about to look for you when he heard you humming. Following the melody, he found you sitting cross-legged in the grass, a mirror in front of you and a small jar in your hand. It contained a golden liquid, with which you seemed to... paint your face?

‘‘Y/n?’‘

You turned your head at the sound of your name and your e/c orbs met ice-blue ones.

‘‘Thranduil! So good to see you. How are you doing this lovely afternoon?’‘

‘‘I am quite alright, thank you. What are you doing?’‘ he asked as he sat down next to you.

‘‘Make-up! What do you think?’‘ You pointed to your face, and Thranduil took the time to study it. You had used the gold as eye-liner and as a highlighter for your upper lip, which made it hard for him to look away. Along your jawline where your scar covered your face where small flowers drawn, and a bit about that were small stars covering your scar like freckles.

‘‘It’s beautiful.’‘ he said softly. And when you asked if you could paint on him too, he let you. You carefully applied the golden liquid onto his fair skin, holding two fingers underneath his chin to tilt his head sideways. Through half-lidded eyes Thranduil watched how your eyes followed the brush. It tickled, and he tried not to smile as you poked your tongue out and furrowed your brow in concentration.

You were beautiful. And with the way your h/c framed your face, and the sunlight made it seem as if your s/c glowed, Thranduil felt like he could look at you forever.

‘‘All done!’‘ you said, grabbing the mirror so he could see. You had made sure his eyes and cheekbones stood out, and you had painted all kinds of flowers to cover most of the left side of his face. Thranduil brought his hand up and carefully touched the delicate dranw lines.

‘‘It looks lovely. What is ii called?’‘

‘‘Kintsugi.’‘ you answered, and he raised his brow at you.

‘‘It’s the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold,’‘ you explained to him, ‘‘It’s build on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger more beautiful piece of art.’‘

‘‘Are you comparing me to broken pottery?’‘ Thranduil teased.

You chuckled. ‘’I wouldn’t dare, but I do think it works the same for people,’’ you stared into the mirror, a distant look in your eyes, ‘’Too often people let themselves be defined by their scars, and although it can sometimes be hard to face them, they do not make someone less.’’ You turned your gaze back to the ellon next to you, a knowing look in your eyes as you continued;

‘‘Scars do not define you, nor do they make you weak, if anything they show how strong you are. Just because somebody is ‘broken’ does not mean the cannon be heal again, nor does it mean they are less beautiful.’‘

You closed the small jar and handed it to Thranduil, who still seemed to be entranced by your words.

‘‘For you.’‘ you said.

‘‘What for?’‘ he asked, taking the jar from you.

‘‘In case you ever think your scars make you less than what you are.’‘

His eyes widened. How did you know? But you simply smiled, turning to look out over the garden, breathing in the summer air.

‘‘Say, I know i have already been in Greenwood far longer than we originally planned, but,’‘ and you leaned closer to the elvenking beside you, ‘‘I was wondering if I could stay a while longer? I do not wish to leave yet.’‘

‘‘Is that so?’‘ Thranduil mused, slowly taking your hand in his. ‘‘And what would be the reason for that?’‘

‘‘I met someone who has captured my heart.’‘

‘‘Truly,’‘ he whispered, his lips only a breath away from yours, ‘‘and who might this lucky ellon be?’‘

‘‘I think you already know.’‘ you said, before closing the distance between you. And as your lips met, Thranduil felt something shift inside him. He felt lighter, as if a burden had been shifted from his heart. And with you in his arms and his hin upon your head, he finally knew, he had found peace.

@ceinelee​ @tolkien-fantasy​ @daisy-picking-lady​ @ladylouoflothlorien​ @luna-xial​ @beautifultypewriter​ @writer-inwonderland​ @long-cosmos-overhead​ @fizzyxcustard​ @dabisburnedbutt @lotr-hobbit-imagines​ @lotrfics​ @the0maddest0hatter​ @asraime​ and so many more! You and your amazing work have inspired me to start writing on tumblr and I am so happy I get to call some of you my friend!

[thejudgingtrash]

would you class percy as a morally grey character? i’m really interested to hear your input

Anon 2: Would u class percy as an Morally Gray character?

Hey there! Let me write that essay for you about morally gray Percy ^^

It’s not about whether Percy is a morally gray character or not, it’s about he has to be otherwise the story doesn’t make any sense. At least for me it wouldn’t.

Ashley (@gr33kg0ds) said in the tags of my dark!Percy post something along the line of people diminishing Percy’s character because they need him to be pure and fluffy and I wholeheartedly agree with that!

Just because Percy’s twelve doesn’t mean he’s pure and didn’t do unproblematic things. I’ll mostly refer to The Lightning Thief because that book is the Magnus Opus for Riordan and perfectly stands for Percy as a morally gray character from the very beginning of the saga. (Also the only book I’ve recently re-read)

As much as I love fanon with all the amazing artworks, debates, memes and jokes, analysis, cool edits and wonderful fanfics, projecting your version of Percy doesn’t make the image in your head real. Percy in canon is not the fun and fluffy boy you imagine him to be or which social media sites (Reddit, Twitter, Instagram and yes, also Tumblr) tend to make him to be. He’s a scrawny little sarcastic twerp that was the unpopular kid. He isn’t that cringy dude Tony Lopez doing that fucking weird TikTok dance (side note: I don’t even know who this person is and I don't care, I saw the video and immediately wanted to delete every social media app on my phone, so thanks Tony?), kissing his Yeezys goodnight, vibing to our lord and gay icon Taylord “T. Swizzle” Swift song and flexing them iPhone 11 Max Pros. Percy literally said that going to Burger King with his mother once in a while would be considered a luxury. He’s a poor bastard in literal sense.

Part of the problem with the distinction of Percy’s character and his motives stem from the fact that Percy is a sneaky unreliable narrator and we as the audience (especially if you’re younger) don’t question most of his behavior if you even question some (pretty sure that most of us only picked up weird stuff as adults). Everything seems plausible to you. But does it mean that his behavior is necessarily good? Something that would paint his character as good?

Like I’ve said, let’s take a look at TLT. The very beginning of everything and the wonderful line that gets quoted everywhere: “Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood”. 

The very first line that quoted everywhere or used as in moodboard and edits but its meaning and significance get brushed off for the most part. It immediately sets the tone and the atmosphere for the book and for Percy as a character. A(n in my opinion) morally gray character. The very first thing we hear from Percy is that he doesn’t want to be in this world. He’s an involuntary participant who has been (upon further reading) blackmailed and forced into this world and is only cooperating to get his mother back and said in regards to his father (who also stands for the Greek pantheon) ”well yeah, would be nice to know about my dad but I’ve survived without him the past twelve years so I don’t know, he wouldn’t be missed necessarily I guess?“ That pretty much tells you, it foreshadows, that we will be dealing with someone with grit, someone that fights back, someone that went through shit, someone that isn’t a goody two-shoed character. Does it mean he’s a terrible (in the sense of evil or bad) character from the get go? Not really, but it tells you in nuances that he won’t be the white shining knight you might expect from a fairy tale.

There is so much that little Perseus Jackson has to offer you directly in the first book. So much that paints him as a morally gray character. From the illegal candy stash all the way to tricking Procrustes into his own trap. He knows right from wrong and isn’t innocent by any means. He wants you to think he’s innocent. Yes, he hunts monsters and the book also tells you that some adults (Gabe) can also be monsters, but Percy’s personality is so interesting and full of facets which I love! He’s misleading you on purpose. Deflects, plays events down. He lies in front of you to others but you don’t really doubt it. Instead of questioning it, you understand it.

What distinguishes Percy from other male protagonists in that notion that the author doesn’t try to paint him as particularly good (the reader connects the dots, in reality) is pretty much that. Percy is neither inherently good or bad. He’s in the middle. He does lots of questionable things and his personality adds to it. Something that immediately comes to my mind is his lack of fear of consequences. He thinks in the short term and not in the long term. Of course, he’s caring about those that are close and important to him (Grover, Annabeth and his mother of course. And well. The world not getting destroyed by his weird father and fucking crazy uncle would be a plus). But Percy isn’t really a strategist (yet). Look at the Medusa head thingy. Annabeth and Grover warn him, that he’s gonna get his ass beat and he doesn’t care. That these gods could squish him in the end didn’t matter to him.

The Olympian gods are painted as these unpenetrable huge mighty force and some fuzzy annoyed twelve year old dipshit sends them the severed head of a monster - but not any monster, the monster his father had a role in creating (well, Athena for the most part, but you know what I mean). (Also, I know this kinda reckless behavior gets sorta rewarded but at first, everyone was like ‘NO, NO, NO!’ before Percy was glorious with his attempt). Percy essentially tells these ancient forces that drive the way of his new cosmos how shit‘s gonna work from now on.

Percy isn’t fear riddled and doesn’t think about the possible outcome. He manipulates, he lies, he persuades and all of this as soon as he hits twelve. But probably earlier. Pretty sure he had to become a believable lier in order to trick (survive being around) Gabe. Perseus is angry, he’s agitated. Had Riordan written Percy as a soft spoken, frightened, goody two-shoed kid, almost nothing in TLT and the follow-ups would have made sense. He’s the outcast, but slowly blossoms into the strength and muscles of the group. Of the entire camp. Someone that outsmarts opponents and wins battles. But he didn’t do that by playing nice and being a bootlicker.

TLT would’ve been a perfect standalone book that would have emphasized that Percy is an involuntary person sive) if you skip Kronos, leave a little bit foreshadowing with the prophecy out, tweak the talks with the gods and Annabeth’s first meeting and skip Luke and the scorpion at the end. The ending would’ve been “and so Percy had a first awesome summer vacation and found a group of friends for life” or so (aka PJO movie 1 in less shitty and more cohesive).

The morally gray character shrinks a little bit in the SOM because there lie straighter dangers ahead which dive more into the bigger picture and Percy grows more into the character who takes care of friends and but he does come back with TTC, and definitely BOTL and the St. Helens explosion.

Consequences of Percy’s interactions had people partially dying. There is doubt, there is guilt. But the show must go on. There are battles that have to be won. There is no big giving up, no big overturn for the bad guys.

Also... isn’t it interesting that we start with Percy saying ”look, I don’t want to be in this world“ in TLT and it ends with TLO where he says ”for once I didn’t look back“? The full circle? The way that accepting his fate took five books? To change Percy from being an involuntary participant to becoming voluntary? He didn’t want to be a half-blood, he didn’t want to be the kid in the prophecy, but he actively chose to be in the end. He went from a darker shade of gray to a mayhaps lighter, if you want to say so.

To conclude, I repeat myself again: it’s not about whether Percy is a morally gray character or not, it’s that he has to be.

Thanks for asking me about some meta stuff I really do like diving into these things here and there. Tumblr’s sorta glitchy, I do get notifications but I really don’t see asks, so I’m sorry if my response is mad late ^^

[mshermia]

2020 Writer’s Year in Review

A big thank you to @lbigreyhound13 for the tag!

Total number of completed stories: 5! (I guess this stat is a little misleading for me though. I wrote all those stories between mid-October and December while procrastinating from finishing my main story, which still remains unfinished.)

Total number of words: 290.991 (257.523 of that was for “If They Knew All About You”)

Fandoms written in: The MCU, specifically for Irondad & Spiderson

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? 

In fics as in stories, I definitely wrote more than I expected because I was not expecting the prompt fills for whumptober to draw my attention like they did. However, I was definitely expecting to finish my long Bio!Dad story, but. No. Will still need a couple of months on that one... ;)

What’s your own favorite story of the year? My favorite has to still be my Bio!Dad fic “If They Knew All About You”. It’s not just that I spend the most time on it, but while there was a lot of set up for the story in the first half of it, this year I could put out a lot of the scenes I started the story for in the first place - scenes and chapters that I had written months ago, that just sat there in my inbox, waiting for their turn to come. (Tony and Peter both finding out about their history, Tony finding out about who’s to blame that his son was taken, Tony coming to Peter’s rescue... I could keep going :P). I’ve been waiting to publish some of those scenes for more than a year (especially Tony reacting to finding out that Peter is his son) and it’s been so great to see people’s reactions to it as well!

Did you take any writing risks this year?  Erm... I had one chapter for “If They Knew All About You” where I went for a bit of a different approach. I knew what I wanted from the chapter but I wanted it to be less linear. While I do have other chapters that are structured similarly (like for example early on Tony is in the lab working on a project and then he mulls over the situations he’s in with the team and I cut back to an excerpt of their conversation so I can have the just of the situation without having to go on and on about everything happening around it.)

For Chapter 55 - Time To Take A Shot - I took it a bit to the extreme starting the chapter out with Peter holding a gun and having shot someone because I wanted it to have a shocking effect, but I’m still not sure if it was a bit too much or if it worked. Honestly, I’d might write it differently now if I had to do it again, but well, it is what it is ;)

Most popular story of the year: Easily “If They Knew All About You”. At Chapter 29 on December 31st 2019 the fic was at 34.357 hits. On December 31st 2020 the story had grown to 73 chapters and was at about 148.000 hits, (150.000 as of yesterday) which just blows my mind. 

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: “Nothing Left to Lose” which is part of my post-Endgame series and a (late) Whumptober prompt fill. It’s not finished yet, but compared to the other stories in that series it got *very* few hits. I really like the premise of it about the consequences of undoing the Snap and also Peter and Tony’s conflict with each other, but for some reason there are very few hits and just one comment I think, which honestly surprised me. I think maybe my summary was too vague? Who knows. Maybe it’ll get better with the second chapter :)

Most fun story to write: Probably “Are We Out Of The Woods Yet?” which was the first prompt fill I’ve ever written. With Morgan and Peter being a few years older in this one, it has such a different dynamic than every IronDad story I had written and I really enjoyed the change of pace. 

Most unintentionally telling story: Chapters 56, 57 and 58 of “If They Knew All About You” where Peter (and also Tony) find themselves on the receiving end of the wrath of the NYPD police chief Clarke, who seems to be hell-bend to make their lives as miserable as possible, trying to force hospital staff to ignore procedure to get whatever he wants.  I had written those chapters months before I put them up (actually inspired by a Utah nurse who was threatened and then arrested by an asshole cop who tried to force her to ignore her patient’s rights) but when it came time to publish them, they fell smack in the middle of the demonstrations and riots going on in the US in June/July against police brutality and those chapters got very strong reactions. I hadn’t planned any of that but I guess it’s a sign of how long and publically this problem had already existed before people couldn’t take it any longer.

Biggest surprise: Probably how much I enjoyed dusting off my old tumblr account. I still tread carefully trying to avoid as much Endgame stuff as I can unless it’s an unapologetic “Tony Stark lives” one, but I’ve really enjoyed finding short one-shots like @jen27ny or @superherotiger as well as just connecting with fellow fans and fellow fanfic authors, especially to bounce some ideas off. Compared to other social media sites where I focus on a lot more social issues and politics, tumblr feels like a wholesome and happy place, that’s getting rare to find online (as long as I can dodge those dreaded Endgame gifs) ;)

...

I still don’t follow enough blogs but tagging who I haven’t seen post this yet (no pressure :P) @spagbol99 @ninjazzz3 @polaroid15 @jelly-pies

[eisforeidolon]

I would feel sorry for the clueless shippers that go through the clusterfuck of willful stupid and impressive selective hearing that is the tag for this past weekend’s con and end up completely mislead, but the videos are right there on youtube.  I guess if your audience is that lazy and credulous, you don’t have to worry about lying like a rug ...

Jensen mockingly repeats “Haha DestieI is real!” and they ignore the tone and expressions accompanying it before they straight up stick their fingers in their ears and go LALALALALA CAN’T HEAR YOU when he adds, “Is it?  Is it?  Where?  Where?  No, where is it real?”  To the point of my having seen a couple of impressively daft posts about how obviously his reaction is positive and now they’ll have this “rebuttal” to shove in the faces of us “evil bibros” to counteract “Destiel doesn’t exist”!  Just ... whelp, good luck with that.

Some idiot minion tries to manipulate how Jensen talks about Misha by telling him people believe his making fun of Misha implies actual hate.  Again, that lot think it’s some amazing gotcha when Jensen says at the beginning of a later panel, “Hey, you know what I haven’t told you today?  That I love you.”   Tuning out not only how it immediately turns into a typical target-Misha-joke, “And there’s a reason I haven’t told you that today.  Because I don’t.”  but also how Jensen feels the need to immediately defensively explain it actually is a joke to the audience, “I’m KIDDING.”  Yeah, that all goes in one ear and out the other, because they’re too busy writing hilaribad fanfic about the tears sparkling in Misha’s eyes and how of course Jensen means love in the same sense they love their wives and similar cringeworthy bullshit.  That’ll totally teach us “evil bibros” who think Jensen and Misha are work friends with little in common hate each other, because we are clearly the ones with a skewed view of reality.  It was oh-so heroic of that disingenuous little fuckwit to try to guilt & shame Jensen about how he manages his own friendships in ways that aren’t shippable enough!  Uh-huh.

Every time you think they can’t possibly fail even more at actually paying attention to what happens explicitly right in front of their faces - let alone any more in-depth comprehension relying on context, social cues, and simple common sense?  BAM!  Talk about overachievers.

[blindswandive]

AO3 Filter Meme

Oh my goodness, I got tagged in a meme!  By @zmediaoutlet !  And in a list with @homo-pink and @wetsammywinchester .  I’m.  I’m having a thing.  *_*

Rules: Go to your AO3 works page, expand all the filters, and answer the following questions!

1. What are your first and second most common work ratings?

Explicit (13) and mature (9).  I’m kinda smut-centric.

2. What’s your most common archive warning? Least common? Do you consider yourself an adventurous writer?

Most common: No Archive Warnings Apply (22)

Least common: Underage (1)

This is a little misleading.  I only have one marked Graphic Depictions of Violence, but I’m listed as co-creator for a story I did the art for (with violence I didn’t think was terribly graphic, but it’s the author’s choice).  So it’s really a tie between violence and underage in AO3 for least common.  But I’m working on an underage right now, and all of my ‘chose not to use warnings’ have dubcon or violence that I just wasn’t sure reached all the way to warning offenses.  And I still have a few stories not on AO3 that might skew these around. Hrm.

I guess I think I’m a moderately adventurous writer, but these tags aren’t going to get that across.  And I know what I write can’t compare with some of the exceedingly glorious and depraved stuff I love best.

3. How many fics have you written in each relationship category? Is this more accidental, or do you have preferences?

M/M (24)

F/M (6)

Gen (4)

Other (2)

Multi (1)

It’s not accidental but it’s not a complete picture (will I ever give a straight answer? probably not).  For fanfic, I definitely tend to prefer M/M (while weirdly, with video porn, slightly lean towards M/F, and erotica might lean towards multi?).  But I like every kind of gender expression in every possible combination; it’s more a matter of how it’s written/drawn/shown/etc and whether I’m feeling those characters at the moment.  I tend to go out for gen less than anything else for fanworks, though.

4. What are your top 4 fandoms by numbers? Are you still active in any of them, and do you tend to migrate a lot?

Supernatural (15)

Fake News RPF/Colbert Report RPF/Daily Show RPF: (5)

Tin Man, Tron, and Kids in the Hall (all tied with 3 each; I had 4 HP but they’re not on AO3 yet)

I migrate.  I’m definitely a serial obsessor.  I’m really only active in Supernatural right now, though I still dip in and read MCU stuff sometimes, and I have a Harry Potter WIP I always think I’ll finish someday but no idea when.  I wonder how different this would look if it was judged by wordcount instead of number of pieces.

5. What are your top 4 relationship tags? Does this match how you feel about the characters, or are you puzzled?

Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester (10)

Stephen Colbert/John Stewart (5)

Dean Winchester/OFC(s) (3)

Clu (Tron)/Rinzler (Tron) 2

(Background pairings and duplicates are tied for fourth with Clu/Rinzler so I left them out, though one of the Clu/Rinzlers is more background, too.)

I think this is more indicative of eras of productivity than overall world-favorite characters.  I love my Wincest, and it’s what’s dominating my brain right now, and I’ve done more challenges that have kept me writing them actively than in previous fandoms.  But I adore Loki and have read a ton of Loki-focused stories but haven’t written any.  And some characters I love I just don’t really do fanworks for.  But I definitely adore Sam and Dean, so no question about that.

6. What are your top 2 most used additional tags, and your bottom 2? What would happen if you combined all 4 of these into a fic?

This one came out weirdly skewed.  It only gave me the top ten, and only among common tags, so it’s not actually very representative (and I couldn’t even guess how many single use tags I actually have that are less common than 9 and 10 on the list).  Anyway.  Of the ones they list, Dubious Consent is #1(accurate), Fluff is #2 (THAT surprised the hell out of me - which it should, since there are a few tags they don’t count that I’ve used way more), with Rimming, Safer Sex, and Angst tied at the bottom.  All together, that… would be a strange fic, but with a lot of potential.  Dubcon + internalized gender issues (my real top two, I think) with angst and rimming could be really, really hot, I think.

7. How many WIPs do you have currently running on AO3? Any you don’t plan on finishing?

I don’t have any multi-chapters waiting for chapters on AO3 right now, but I have a big goddamn multi-part epic that’s got a couple more novellas worth waiting for editing and finishing and all here: The Wild, Wild West.  And I’m planning more entries in the “Good Girl” ‘verse.  (Both Supernatural, both strangely looking like m/f even though the core is m/m. Hm.)

I have one proper WIP (currently only on LJ) that literally no one was reading, from the Harry Potter fandom.  I really liked it, though I’m sure it could use revisions.  But as long as it has literally no readers, I don’t think I’ll find the urge to go back and finish it any time soon.  That said, it had the very best part/chapter titles I’ve ever done: How to Be Seduced By Demons.

I tag: um… anyone who wants to do it?  Tag me if you do so I’m sure to see it!

[serahne]

im kind of curious on your thoughts on a/b/o... do you mind sharing?

Of course !

The a/b/o trope is pretty recent from what I can tell - I honestly can’t remember any a/b/o fanfiction prior to the ao3-aera - and has been written in many, many different ways, so I’ll start with a small definition, so we all know what we are talking about.

( Source )

The Alpha/Beta/Omega trope is a kink trope wherein some of all people have defined biological roles based on a hierarchical system, with the terms originating from animal behaviour research. There may be werewolf, knotting, or other animalistic elements involved, or the characters may be otherwise purely human.

I have very little interest ( or knowledge ) in the fury community, and any a/b/o fic I’ve read were with humans, just so you know where I stand. But I think it’s important to remember that it started as a porn. And I don’t have a lot to say about porn in general : I understand that some people have their preferences, a/b/o isn’t worse or better than another kink.

I personally think that if you read one porn fic with a/b/o elements in it… you pretty much read all of them. It’s not something I avoid at all cost, if it’s well-written I’ll read it, but the trope tends to erase the characters’ personality from canon and… I mean, I am reading fanfics to read about my favorite characters.

But enough talking about the ‘kinky’ side of the trope, and let’s talk relationship and world-building.

Alphas are generally dominant and able to impregnate Omegas. Male Alphas usually have a knot when aroused.Betas are often presented as having “normal” human anatomy with none of the special attributes of Alphas or Omegas.Omegas are generally lowest on the hierarchy (although in some fanworks Omegas are rare and prized)

A a/b/o society is a terrible society, where people are put in a hierarchical system depending on their biology. Considering the percentage of women writing fanfictions, you can understand why this trope talks to them, on a world-building level. More than just ‘alphas demand, omegas obey’, we see that a lot of masculine attribute are attributed to alphas (strenght, charisma, agressivity) and feminine attribute are attributed to omegas (beauty, grace, fragility). I’m not going to spend a lifetime on it, but omegas are the ones who are sexually assaulted in fics, omegas are the ones who receive sexist remarks, they are the ones with the passive role in a relationship.

There are a lot of people who don’t like a/b/o because it’s sexist, homophobic, but I personally disagree that a setting can convey any value. It’s the way it’s treated that matters. And, technically, the a/b/o can make for an amazing story. Two people from different social statues, who still manage to fall in love and are united to fight an unfair society… this is some cool shit, and the plot of a ton of teenagers-oriented litterature.

From what I’ve read ( and excluding the porn, because I really have nothing more to say about this, enjoy what you enjoy people ! ), there are three ways to write the a/b/o trope :

The most-common, a.k.a, the romantic comedy

The a/b/o setting is mostly there to add some spice to the relationship but really, it could just as well happen without. The subtext of sexism isn’t really adressed, and most of the time, the a/b/o trope used there is a ‘lightened’ version, where omegas aren’t subjected to any bad treatement or anything. Can also be used to justify a m/m relationship in a context where it wouldn’t be accepted, I guess. I don’t have strong opinions on these, they are problematic as much as a romantic comedy can be, you are still rooting for the characters to get their happiness because they seem to be happy together. Can be pretty short if it doesn’t have a subplot.

Favorite one : Seeking his hand, by magic__mind. It’s Victorian AU fanfiction, with L and Light from Death Note. I like slowburn, and I like pining characters sending each others letters, so that’s right up in my alley.

My favorite, a.k.a, let’s burn the society, or let’s die trying.

Okay, that might be a little misleading. But these are basically fanfictions that treat the a/b/o system as the enemy. Often starring a mighty omega who is - pardon my french - sick of this shit and absolutely decided to turn the table around. This kind of fic will include a lot of internalized se… omegaism from the character, before they realize that they aren’t the ones he should hate, he should hate the entire society instead.

If the fanfic focuses more on the relationship, then it’s about building a relationship with someone that you are not the equal of, and how frustrating and impossible it can seem. A good relationship is necessarily a balanced one, and the a/b/o trope is a big ‘nope, try again’ in this philosophy.

I personally do think that writers who takes the time to go this way tend to make an amazing job.

Favorite one(s) : Primitive Liars, by Nilahxapiel, another L/Light ( can I say that the Death Note fandom probably has the best a/b/o fics ? ) where my favorite scene has Light getting drunk, and calling L, and because L knows that Light would feel humiliated if he manhandled him or helped him, he gets drunk too, and they both jump from a bridge or something. This is beautiful.

And A Stiller Doom, which is an Ota/yuri from YOI ( even though the relationship takes the backseat ) where the a/b/o trope is arguably just an excuse to talk about discrimination, and the way society hierarchize people. It’s just the most politcal fic I could think of with this trope.

The “E.L James, is that you ?”, aka I checked the tags three times, and I wonder if the author forgot to add ‘abusive relationship’.

You know, it’s that kind of think where you wonder if you should be rooting for the omega to escape the hell out of his alpha, or something. Weirdly enough, a lot of these fics can start like the other two, with an independant-minded omega ( we can see some shade of ‘I’m not like other girls’ sometimes but… ) who wants to live their lives like they want to, and are devastated when they learnt they are omega…

… and then their arc is about accepting their place and submitting to an alpha, and it’s fine because they are in love ?

This is really the category that gives a bad name to a/b/o fics, and there are quite a lot of them out there. It’s often the fic where you get the extra-feminization of the omega, insufferable jealousy from the alpha confronted to a rival that is somehow ‘hot’, mpreg, sexual slavery, etc… In these fics, the a/b/o dynamic is treated as something positive, that brings two people together and offer them happiness, and that’s worth it because they are oh-so perfect for each others.

These fanfictions tend to have the most sex scenes, so I could link them to the ‘kinky’ side of the trope but the truth is… that the writers didn’t think one second at their context. They didn’t realize what kind of story they were writing. And honestly sometimes I’m just… what ? You can’t have character A rape characters B and then expect me to ship them, right ? RIGHT ? Obviously, the ‘consent’ question isn’t even one in these fics.

I can’t read their fics, because they create such dissonnance in my brain. I just want to reach to my favorite character and shake them until they go back to being themselves instead of being some kind of cliché omega/alpha that was forced onto them. There is nothing sadder than watching your favorite character tries to fight an unfair, disgusting system and then slowly giving up and be satisfied with their lot in life.

TL;DR

The a/b/o trope is still pretty young, and I feel like the fandom still didn’t entirely understood what a society affected by this trope would be like. Some authors do, and I honestly love their fics, but a lot of writers still take the entire world-building at face value, without seeing it as a metaphor for our own world - which it’s totally. I do have hope that in the future, the writers will be me knowledgeable on this trope, that they will read others’ take on it, and will stop ignoring the subtext.

Let’s face it, though : the porn will stay.

[silverdancer]

2017: fic year in review

Crossposing from LJ since I seem to use this more now than that, even though I don’t use it for fic that much. It seems a good idea to have a backup I guess? :D 

Here we go!

(say hi to the surprise players this year)

Wordcounts and Statistics

☆ Total number of stories worked on: 13 (3+8 drabbles for vixxmas+2 WIPS)

☆ Total number of completed stories: 11

☆ Fandoms written in: VIXX, Weki Meki

☆ Total (finished) word count: AO3 says 14631 words (299 words more than last year!)

☆ July

Great friends, a gas tank (and a piece of cake) (6k, hakyeon/hongbin)

☆ September

With your whole heart (5,4k, yoojung/doyeon)

when the lights go down (211, jaehwan/wonshik)

☆ December

magic is something you make (223, hakyeon/taekwoon)

it looks bigger on the inside (312, gen)

millions of roses (346, jaehwan/wonshik)

finding paradise (613, hakyeon/hongbin)

if puppies could talk (315, gen)

first attempt in learning (f. a. i. l.) (644, hakyeon/taekwoon)

look carefully (252, jaehwan/wonshik)

it's something we do (263, hakyeon/hongbin)

Overall

☆ Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? While currently I am a little disappointed (because I have a fic almost finished that it's resisting to end), looking back at my expectations at the beginning of the year, I definitely wrote more than I expected I know that wordwise is very similar and that I actually wrote less stories than last year, but the fics themselves are longer, so that's something that I'm very proud of.

☆ What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? For pairing, kenvi! I know that they are super boyfriends but I never expected that I'd write, or plot, fics not centered around Hakyeon.

But to be honest, while I love thinking about it and reading it, I never thought I would be writing WekiMeki fic either! So that was a very happy surprise too!

☆ What’s your own favorite story of the year? The one I didn't manage to finish. It's completely self indulgent.

Ironically, any of the ones that I wrote for vixxmas. All of them are parts of a bigger fic that I told someone at some point, so I was very excited to write even a little snippet of them, and I cherish them a lot.

☆ Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Aiming for bigger goals overall. I learned that it's possible, just that I need a little more time than what it would take the average writer. I'm still coming to terms with that, but every finished story gets me a little closer.

☆ Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? Write more neo! Definitely! For how much I love them, I don't write about them as much?? And that can't be. Also keeping up with the lenght growth.

☆ My goals from last year were to write fic that wasn't for someone else (which I tried) and to write girl group fic (which I did!)

☆ From my past year of writing, what was…

★ My best story of this year

I think that Nbin roadtrip AU. It took me 6 months, but it's the first story that I actually edited and reread before posting it and I'm very very happy with the result.

★ My most popular story of this year Going by the numbers, Nbin roadtrip AU hands down. It has the best hits:kudos ratio, and the highest number of kudos, bookmarks AND comments. That doesn't mean that the dodaeng one did badly though!

★ Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion Difficult to say, because a handful of the stories were posted the same day I'm writing this, but probably the one where taekwoon and wonshik argue over who's puppy is cuter, because it's gen and no one reads gen.

★ Most fun story to write none because writing HURTS AND IT'S A PAIN AND Actually... all of them were very very fun to write. Of course, the crack ones on the vixxmas were specially done to be fun, but I also had lots of fun writing the nbin and dodaeng one, and the kenvi was a delight??? even if it was super short, it was great.

★ Story with the single sexiest moment The one with Wonshik going to see Jaehwan perform as Hamlet. Hands down. There's something about writing kisses, almost kisses, that I love and find super sexy, even more than actual kisses. The anticipation of the feeling, the electricity... perfect.

★ Most “Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story If something had to go in here, it would be the one with wonshik and taekwoon fighting because the title and description and everything but the tags is intentionally misleading.

★ Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters The dodaeng fic. I liked them but having to write about them meant knowing them on a different level, and that of course changed things.

★ Hardest story to write Nbin roadtrip AU, the editing part was a PAIN. But in the end it was worth it.

★ Biggest disappointment I am mostly disappointed on the fics that I couldn't write, or finish. Very. Because I was very set onto but life got in the way.

★ Biggest surprise The dodaeng, aka the second fic with more than 3k! I didn't think I would be able to do it, although I had hopes.

Highlights + Wrap-up

☆ Favourite Opening Lines (3) 1.

"Doyeon-ah, I'm going to get married."

2.

Hakyeon has heard stories. Of magic going beyond the canvas, of figures getting out of their painting. Jaehwan told them all, that time they were displayed side by side, all those years ago.

3.

Wonshik should have suspected something when Jaehwan had asked him to take pictures of his fake tattoo while they were filming the music video.

☆ Favourite Closing Lines (3)

1.

Hongbin's only answer is to lean forward, and close the distance between them.

2.

"Yeah," Yoojung agreed, "me too," sighing softly before kissing her again.

3.

Hongbin learns about Hakyeon's birthday the first week of June.

☆ Favorite 5 Line(s) from Anywhere

1.

(And what if for a moment he wished he was in that position again, feeling his lips hovering close, teasing. Until he finally leaned in. And what if he gasped, the memory of that kiss feeling too real. Of his hands sneaking under, of his quiet laugh against his neck)

2.

He can almost hear Jaehwan's voice telling him to wait, wait until he's far away so there's less chance of getting caught, remembers the feeling of the cool sheets on his back and the way he was tickling his arm as he did, and laughs a little to himself, because Wonshik has never been good at being patient.

3.

Now that he's facing the reality of wearing knives on his shoes he might be having second thoughts.

4.

"I can enjoy nice things," he manages to retort, a second too late, "I just don't think that... thing can be called nice."

5.

"What," Hongbin snaps. All of them are looking at him curiously from their seats, and Hongbin tries very hard to not blush. "You're staring," Sanghyuk says as he gets back to his seat after making sure he has his full attention, "again." "I wasn't staring," Hongbin denies. Wonshik stifles a laugh from the other side of the car at that and Hongbin squints at him.

And... that's it! If someone even read this, thank you for sticking around!! ♥

[youngjaaes]

In the "DaeJae or JaeDae?" ask I think the person was talking about "who you prefer as the dominant". Cuz some people change the ship name according to the dominant. So, following this logic, in DaeJae Daehyun is the Dom and in JaeDae Youngjae is the Dom. (I don't like this need for Dom/Sub division in ships, but it's my opinion) (I hope this made sense)

Ah yeah I thought that’s what they meant too but I wasn’t sure so I didn’t want to answer. Anyway, I’m just gonna say this:

A ship name shouldn’t have to change just because of the dynamics of the relationship. It’s still the same ship. And also, why does there always have to be a dom/sub division? It doesn’t make sense and I hate it. I actually love the daejae ship so much, but the way some people treat it is actually disgusting. 

I’m going to go off topic here a bit but I just want this to be said. Too often people write daejae fics that are completely wrong from who they are as people. Youngjae is almost always written as a shy, embarrassed nerd akin to a shy school girl and that annoys me so much! He’s still written as chubby (wtf guys seriously stop that) and as someone who is unsociable with little to no friends. In reality he isn’t these things? He’s a hyper ball of fluff and sunshine. Sometimes Youngjae practically serves as a filler for authors to self-insert themselves into a fic, and they use the daejae ship for it because it’s a popular ship and people are more likely to read it than a reader x daehyun fic. Don’t get me wrong, this happens with Daehyun too, but in most cases it’s Youngjae who is treated like this. I would also like to say, stop bringing heteronormativity into the daejae ship. A lot of authors throw them into these yaoi dynamics and it’s just?????? Please stop???? 

People don’t view Youngjae as his own person sometimes, and only view him as an accessory to Daehyun. Some people generally don’t like Youngjae (how could they?) unless he is interacting with Daehyun????? And I’ve seen people comment things like ‘I don’t like it when Youngjae interacts with other members. He should only interact with Daehyun’. And it’s so baffling because firstly, that’s disgusting and he should be allowed to have relations with other members. Secondly, if they were actually together as a couple, it’s wrong and that’s actually signs of a mentally abusive relationship if one only pays attention and interacts with the one they are dating so???? Stop saying it???? Both of them are allowed to have relations and interactions outside of the daejae ship?

Going back to the whole dom/sub thing. I honestly hate how often people view/write Youngjae as being submissive when he isn’t. It’s so out of character, in my opinion. And you know what, the amount of people who actually literally hate the though of top!jae is disgusting to me??? Like, in most gay relationships, people switch positions. So why is Daehyun always written as a top, and why is Youngjae always written as a bottom? Positions should not be exclusive at all. I’m going to take a comment from this post now: “By all means, write Youngjae as a bottom but don’t make it exclusive. A good portrayal would include position switching, which is rarely found in fanfiction these days. To have exclusive positions almost seems heteronormative, in my opinion. So switching it would be great. And in general I guess it would be nice to see Youngjae top more, because it feels like every time I read a fanfic its Daehyun who tops.” 

Like I said earlier, the ship is still the same so there isn’t really a point changing the name. DaeJae is still Youngjae and Daehyun, JaeDae is still Youngjae and Daehyun. YoungDae is still Youngjae and Daehyun. It’s the same. So changing it based on who is dominant and who is submissive just seems strange? I’ve seen fic writers who write top!jae and they tag it as daejae because it is daejae, right? That’s the ship, so they tag it with the ship name. But people attack them for it? They say its wrong to “mislead” readers and that it shouldn’t be tagged as daejae. But….it’s still….Youngjae and Daehyun….it’s still…..daejae? The author….shouldn’t need….to tag it otherwise……because its still the ship?? 

Wow this post got really long. But yeah, I have a lot of feelings about this. The portrayal of them in fics is just strange sometimes. The way people view their interactions sometimes is just gross. And the whole changing the ship name baffles me. Also please stop bringing heteronormativity to fics. But lowkey I call it JaeDae sometimes but literally only because Youngjae is my ultimate lmao I’m kidding. 

p.s I would like to see a rise in top!jae fics and anyone who is anti top!jae baffles me.