#I had a small essay in me I guess... :P

[adorkablenerd]

How To Defeat MC

(Or how to Defeat The Great Mammon p.2 lol)

Bruh I haven’t posted any fics in so long, I’m so sorry y’all 😭 I’m trying to get back into the habit of writing again tho!  I hope y’all like it and I’m also gonna put the link to the first one of these right below this!

1st part

Mammon x MC (Gender neutral)

Words: 1372

MC couldn’t help but feel like Mammon was plotting something.  They had been a bit on edge ever since Mammon declared he would get his revenge on them.  That was over a week ago, and he hadn’t made any attempts yet. It’s not like MC had avoided him either, as they had still been hanging out regularly.  MC couldn’t tell when he was going to attack, but they started wishing he would just get it over with.  This was all they could think about as they were sitting on the couch next to the demon, watching a movie in his room.  

“Oi, MC!”  They jumped hearing Mammon's voice call out to them.  They realized that they had been spacing out for a good few minutes and didn’t even hear the first couple times he said their name.

“Y-Yeah?”  They looked over to the demon on the other side of the couch.

“Could you pass the popcorn, it’s on your side.”  MC looked down to the popcorn bag next to their leg on the floor.

“Oh, sure. Here.”  They handed it to him and tried to focus on the movie, but couldn’t help but get lost in their thoughts again.  They almost jumped again when Mammon’s hand touched their forehead, pressing themselves to the back of the couch in surprise when they realized how close he was.  

“Are you feeling okay?  Your face seems kinda red and you’ve been acting so jumpy lately?”  The genuine concern in his voice made them feel a bit bad for making him worry.

“Don’t worry Mams, I’m fine, just… thinking about the essay we have due next week.”  They hoped that was believable enough, and by look on the demon’s face, it seemed to be.

“Aaah I see, I wouldn’t worry though, you always ace those, you’ll be fine!”  He smiled and gave them a pat on the head.  MC closed their eyes and leaned into the hand, warm and comforting as always.  What they weren’t expecting was the demon’s other hand to randomly trace under their chin, making them move away from the touch with a quiet squeak.

“M-Mammon?!”  He smirked at their reaction, moving on top of them to pin them onto the couch.

“You didn’t think I forgot about my promise, did ya?”  MC could already feel the giggles building up in their chest, of course they didn't forget, it’s all they had been thinking about for the past week.

“I figured all that waitin’ you made me do, I should return the favor.  That’s the real reason you’ve been so jumpy around me, right?”  As he spoke from his spot sat on top of their thighs, he hovered one hand over their tummy, the other pinning both of their hands down by their wrists, smirking down at them.  Sometimes it was easy to forget how strong he was, since he was always so gentle with them, but even now he was making sure his grip wasn't too tight.  

“If you knew, thehen why did you bother to ask?”  A small laugh couldn’t help but slip out as they tried to keep some composure, though the little they had was already crumbling.  

“Honestly, just wanted to see what you’d say, I wonder if you would’ve just asked for it if I waited a bit longer?  Guess you’re lucky The Great Mammon is super generous and won’t make you wait any longer.”  

“You just couldn’t wait any more yourself, cohould you?”  This time the laugh wasn’t just out of anticipation, but at the demon himself, always trying to play so cool, but usually just ending up looking too cute for his own good.  Just like now, face slightly flushed, knowing you had seen right through him.  

“Grr just stop talking and laugh already!”  He released their hands and quickly started squeezing their sides, causing them to let out a quick shriek and break into loud giggles.

“Nahahaha Mahahams plehehease!” Even with their hands free, there wasn’t much they could do, settling for holding onto his wrists, despite it doing nothing to deter the demon.

“Please what? Please keep going? Please keep tickling you? I think I can do that for ya.”  He smirked down at them, keeping his hands at their sides, but now scribbling his nails around the area.

“Yohohou knohow thahat’s nahat whahat I meheheant!”  MC felt their face heating up at the teasing and couldn’t help but squirm side to side, trying to dodge his fingers, but failing miserably.  

“Oooh, I’m sorry. You meant please tickle your tummy, didn’t ya?”  He moved his hands to their stomach, still using his nails to lightly scratch all over. 

“Nohohoho Mahahamon!” Mc could barely get out any words through their laughter.  They knew the demon could be merciless from seeing him wreck his brothers, but this was their first time being on the receiving end of one of his attacks, though they couldn’t say it wasn’t deserved.  

“Oh? Still not the right spot? How about your ribs?  Your underarms? Your neck?”  He quickly jumped from spot to spot, pinching their ribs, then spidering under their arms, and now tracing all around their neck.

“Eehehe yohohou’re soho mehehean.”  Both knew that that was a lie, and that if MC ever wanted it to stop, they could make him easily.  They also knew that it wasn’t necessary anyways, and that if asked or if they seemed uncomfortable, Mammon would stop on his own, but neither wanted it to end yet.

“You haven’t seen mean yet, human~”  MC felt a small shiver go down their spine at his tone.  They felt his hands moving down to their hips, one of their worst spots, at the same time his head lowered to their neck.  They closed their eyes, trying to prepare themselves.  After a bit, they realized he hadn’t moved at all, and peeked their eyes open just a bit.  They were greeted by Mammon’s grinning face right in front of theirs.

“Gotcha~”  That was the only warning they got before both of his hands squeezed at their hips and he began blowing raspberries into the side of their neck.  They let out a shriek and quickly broke down into high pitched laughter.

“NAHAHA W-WAHAHAHAIT!  MAHAHAMOHOHON!”  It was hard to think with how much it tickled, but they still couldn’t bring themself to say stop yet.  Mammon stopped the raspberries to allow a little relief and so that he could speak.

“Wait? Wait for what? I thought you’d be sick of waitin’ by now, or does it just tickle too much for ya’?”  MC felt like their face was on fire, it was unfair for him to be this good at both tickling and teasing.  

“SH-SHUHUHUT UHUHUP!”  Despite how bad it was, of course MC had to instigate it even more, it was just too fun to mess with the demon.  

“Tch, how rude, someone clearly wants more tickle tickle tickles then~”  He put his head back into their neck, this time lightly nibbling at the skin.  MC couldn’t help but let out a couple snorts at how tickly the action was.

“OHOKAHAHAY OKAHAHAY, IHI’M SAHAHARRY!”  Mammon took that as the sign to stop, instantly pulling his hands and head away and moving to be next to them rather than on top.

“That’ll teach ya’ to challenge The Great Mammon, remember this next time you plan on attacking me, human.”  Despite his prideful tone, he was keeping a careful eye on how MC was doing, making sure he didn’t go too far and ready to get them whatever they may need.  MC curled into his side, residual giggles still slipping out.

“Ahand you called mehe evil.”  They let out a yawn, feeling the exhaustion kicking in, and started drifting off to sleep, head in Mammon’s lap.

“Y’know, you’re pretty cute like this, all tickled out, I might have to do it more often.”  He smiled down at them, starting to feel pretty sleepy himself.  

“I wouldn’t mind, as long as I get to tickle you too.”  Hearing this, Mammon felt himself getting flustered again, but both were too tired to really care about what they were saying.

“I guess that’d be alright.”  They both had good dreams that night.

[criolla-star]

Overwhelmed (Vinny x Garmadon Part 3)

(you should check out part 1 and 2 if you haven’t already)

Vinny stared at Garmadon trying to think how to explain the situation to him. This didn't go unnoticed though, “Take your time I can wait” the larger spoke. The smaller looked down before he shoved his face into Garmadons’ chest and whimpered out in a small voice ,“g-god Garm, why must you be so p-persistent….”. This caused the larger to let out a sigh and place his hand on Vinnys’ head.

Vinny looked up from the larger not expecting him to do this. Garmadon then began gently stroking Vinnys’ head in this comforting way. “Vinny…please I want to help, I can’t stand seeing you like this…”the larger said. “I-it’s just t-that….at work Gayle told me I had to come in on Sunday which is usually my free d-day, a-and t-t-then…..”Vinny whimpered out slowly beginning to panic at the thought of everything, Garmadon easily noticed this as the smaller began hyperventilating.

“A-and I still have l-like 5 f-fucking essays I n-need to write…I-I…l…”the smaller was going to continue talking, but at that point he had tears flowing down his face while breathing extremely heavily and quickly causing Garmadon to worry quite a lot.

The larger grabbed that smallers’ hand then quickly summoned his other two hand the cupped the smallers’ face, “Shh…calm down look at me and breathe….”the larger assured the smaller.

Vinnys’ hands were shaking rapidly. “It’s alright, it’s fine” Garmadon reassured Vinny as his breathing began to slow down.Vinny then rested his head on Garmadons’ shoulder and began quietly sobbing, “I-it’s just g-gets so o-overwhelming Garm…I don’t know what t-to do…”He whimpered out.

Garmadon let out a sigh and started stroking the smallers’ head again. “I know, I know…you have a tough job you need a break”The larger said grabbing the smallers’ hand and gently kissing it all over.

Vinny turned this bright red, but Garamond couldn’t see as his head was resting on Garmadons’ shoulder. “You should’ve told me sooner that’s too much stress for you to hide, I’ll always listen to you, alright?”Garmadon said, his voice was so calm and comforting Vinny loved it.

“A-alright..”Vinny replied. Garmadon gently grabbed Vinnys’ face off his shoulder and cupped them again because he like doing it. Vinnys’ eyes were a little puffy from crying. Garmadons’ eyes trailed from Vinnys’ eyes down to his lips. The Oni warlord felt his heart flutter at the thought of kissing the smaller“You’re beautiful, you know that…” Garmadon spoke out. He stared at Vinny who then turned this bright red. “I-I am..?”he stuttered out surprisingly.

“Yea…you’re so beautiful and….I-I….”Garmadon couldn’t finish that sentence he just couldn’t, he really did love Vinny, but he had no idea whether that feeling was mutual at all. Everything would be awkward if it wasn’t mutual. “You what..?”Vinny asked curiously.

“I-I…”Garmadon wasn’t gonna say he loved him he then grabbed Vinnys’ face and pulled him into a kiss. Vinnys’ eyes widened and soon he fell into the kiss. It was a passionate kiss and they both felt their hearts skip a beat, but they had to part for air.

Vinny was breathing heavily trying to catch his breathe while Garmadon was sitting there trying to comprehend if Vinny liked it or not. “H-holy shit…w-wow i…don’t know what to say w-what was that f-for…?” Vinny stuttered out truely embarrassed at the fact the dark lord just kissed him.

“I thought it was pretty obvious…”Garmadon held Vinnys’ hand “I love you Vinny Folson..”Garmadon spoke. Vinny turned an even brighter red. “W-wait… you’re not l-lying right?”Vinny stuttered out. “We did just kiss..” Garmadon replied “W-well If that’s the case then…I love you too…”Vinny said looking away embarrassingly.

“What does this mean for us then..?”Garmadon asked. Vinny stared at him for a moment. “Well…what do you want it mean..?”Vinny replied. “ I guess…. I wanna be with you..”Garmadon said. Vinny let out a chuckle. “So boyfriends then?”Vinny asked embarrassingly “Yea…dating..”Garmadon said.

Vinny smiled then gave Garmadon a soft kiss on his mouth. Garmadon blushed, he was caught off guard. “You shouldn’t go to work next week..”Garmadon said. “A-are you s-sure?”Vinny stuttered. “You need a break and plus I wanna hang out with you…”Garmadon replied. “Alright, if you say so”Vinny chuckled.

“I love you so much…I always have…”Garmadon said nuzzling Vinnys’ neck. “I love you too you oversized cat…”Vinny giggled out. “Oversized cat…?”Garmadon said out curiously. “You remind of a cat you seem dangerous but when someone gets to know you you’re an absolute sweetheart, and plus you purr and when I scratch under your chin so you’re like a lion”

“I guess that makes you my lioness~”Garmadon said out in a teasing tone. Vinny blushed then laughed out, “I guess you’re right”. It was quiet for a moment, “You should sleep”Garmadon said. “Yea I should, let’s snuggle!”Vinny joyfully spoke. “Sure” the larger replied. The two got comfortable the fell asleep snuggling eachother.

(Holy shit that love confession was terrible but so good)( fuck that was so funny nah bro I love at how terrible this is yet I love it so much)

(Should I continue this I was planning on making a small story but it gets a few views that like it so should I??)

(I’m free to ideas and story suggestions)

[frodo-with-glasses]

More Reading Thoughts: “The Black Gate Opens”

What’s this?? Another chapter review within a week of the last one??? Gasp! Incredible! Unheard of!

(I just didn’t have a lot of stuff to draw for the last chapter, haha. We’ll see how this one goes.)

Haha another reference to people traveling “in the van”. Guess I’ll have to draw another Volkswagen ;-P

Aww, Merry is left behind…poor thing. Poor all of them, really.

“Bergil was with him, and he also was downcast; for his father was to march leading a company of the Men of the City: he could not rejoin the Guard until his case was judged.” Oh nooo, Bergil, bby 🥺 Has to watch his father leave, wondering if he’ll come back. Argh.

And Merry has to do the same thing with Pippin!! Argh! This is just like that one scene in the movie, but without Aragorn at his side to comfort him…

“Everyone that he cared for had gone away into the gloom that hung over the distant eastern sky; and little hope at all was left in his heart that he would ever see any of them again.” Merry noooooooo 😭😭

“He was roused by the touch of Bergil’s hand. ‘Come, Master Perian!’ said the lad. ‘You are still in pain, I see. I will help you back to the Healers. But do not fear! They will come back. The Men of Minas Tirith will never be overcome. And now they have the Lord Elfstone, and Beregond of the Guard too.’” BBY SON 😭😭😭 Bergil has inherited his father’s defiant optimism. You keep up your spirits, buddy.

The king’s head!! They put the king’s head back on the statue!!

And they broke the bridge to Minas Morgul and set fire to the sickly white flowers. Good. This may only be small pocket change compared to the might of Mordor, but any way they can destroy the darkness and ruin and replace it with beauty and light is a good thing.

Imrahil urging them to use the name “King Elessar” for the psychic damage is GoodTM.

EYYYYYY MABLUNG MY DUDE

Aragorn guessing the mind of Sauron is giving me huge Death Note vibes. “He knows that I know that he knows, etc. etc…”

Oh now this is interesting. Some of the men from Rohan and Lossnarch are too afraid to keep going towards Mordor, so instead of scolding them, Aragorn tells them to turn back and take the port city of Cair Andros back from the enemy if they can. Some of them do, and it’s good, because they’ll still have the chance to prove their courage with a battle that’s more their speed. And others choose to stay with Aragorn, who treated their weakness with kindness.

I could make SO many spiritual parallels here, like SO many, but I think I’ll save that for a future essay post.

Ohhhhhohoho Mouth of Sauron time—

“At its head there rode a tall and evil shape, mounted upon a black horse, if horse it was; for it was huge and hideous, and its face was a frightful mask, more like a skull than a living head, and in the sockets of its eyes and in its nostrils there burned a flame.” OHOHOHO DUUUUUUUDE

NOBODY TOLD ME THAT THE HORSE OF THE MOUTH OF SAURON WAS THIS METAL BRUH

Aragorn: *has a staring contest with the Mouth of Sauron* The Mouth: “I CAME OUT HERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND I’M HONESTLY FEELING SO ATTACKED RIGHT NOW”

“And there to the wonder and dismay of all the Captains [the Messenger] held up first the short sword that Sam had carried, and next a grey cloak with an elven-brooch, and last the coat of mithril-mail that Frodo had worn wrapped in his tattered garments.” aND A BROKEN PAIR OF EYEGLASSES HAHAHA F R I C K—

Gandalf: “Bring out the halfling, and we’ll consider your terms!” The Mouth: “👀 Umm…ahaha…about that…er, ah, FOOLS! HOW DARE YOU CHALLENGE SAURON!”

I love the fact that the Mouth of Sauron panics here 🤣🤣 HE DOESN’T HAVE FRODO!! SAM CAME AND GOT HIM AND THEY ESCAPED! LOLOL

Actually, if you look at his words carefully, you can tell that Sauron actually has no idea how bad he fumbled this. He speaks of ONE Halfling, not two. He speaks of a SPY, not a carrier of the Ring. He briefly panics when Gandalf demands to see Frodo as evidence. Don’t you think Sauron would take the chance to brag about it, if he’d gotten the Ring back from Frodo?? But he hasn’t!! The Halfling(s) slipped through his grasp! And he has NO IDEA how big of a cock-up this is!!! HAHAHAHAHA GET REKT DIAPER-BABY

But in the moment, we don’t have time to pick apart his words. In the moment, the tiny army of the Free Peoples is surrounded by an enemy host more than ten times their size. It is reasonable to assume that they are all about to die. Hoooolyyyy crap.

Pippin thinking these grim thoughts about the end of his life, noooo. “I might as well die quickly and get it over with. It’s all gone wrong.” And he thinks of Merry, and he thinks of Frodo, and “I wish I could see cool sunlight and green grass again!”, and AAAAAHHHHHHH—

AND HE STABS!! A TROLL!! TO SAVE BEREGOND’S LIFE!!! AND IT FALLS ON TOP OF HIM AND CRUSHES HIM AND I *SCREEECH*

*sobbing* The Eagles are coming! The E-eagles are comi-hi-hiiing!

“‘This is my tale, and it is ended now. Good-bye!’ And his thought fled far away and his eyes saw no more.”

SHUT UPPPPPPPPPP 😭😭😭

(I would just like to issue a formal note of gratitude to C. S. Lewis for not letting Tolkien HECKING KILL PIPPIN in this scene. You have done the Lord’s work, sir. We salute you.) EDIT: Sorry, this is an unconfirmed rumor started by the RotK movie trivia website. Should’ve checked my facts first. :-P More discussion can be found here.

[sopebabie]

marriage in 'gilmore girls' (pt. 2)

here in part 2, i’m gonna talk about dean getting married when he knows he's still in love with rory and go off on a small tangent about dean.

there are extremely mixed opinions when it comes to old deany boy. mine is no. i don’t like dean. the first time around, my first ever watch of this show in late 2021, i did like him. i loved him, admittedly.

it was only when i watched a video essay on “why everyone hates dean forester” on youtube, i came to start disliking him and thank god i opened up my eyes because that boy was a walking red flag.

but we’re not necessarily here to talk about dean today, we’re here to talk about one of the most crappy decisions he ever made: getting married to lindsay at 19 while he was still in love with rory.

he and lindsay’s relationship when they were dating seemed great from where rory was standing. we only ever get to see from her perspective when they’re dating, since there are little to no scenes of dean and lindsay alone of course.

there’s then that scene where he tells rory he’s getting married and she says “why not date? dating’s fun.” then he gets all offended as if this isn’t the worst decision ever.

like yes, rory did dump you for jess about two years ago. TWO YEARS.

but i digress.

simply what is the rush? you’ve already got the girl. stay dating and FIGURE YOUR FUTURE OUT BEFORE YOU MAKE A LIFELONG COMMITMENT AT 19.

19. technically, you are still a teenager. nineTEEN.

and here lorelai was thinking that dean is so responsible, dean is this, dean is that… i guess you can’t predict everything that’s gonna happen, now can you.

he wasn’t even mature enough to get married.

literally right before the affair, dean swore he had done everything he possibly could to try to save his marriage.

then he blows up at lindsay for answering his phone after. she should’ve been fighting back as far as i’m concerned, i believe dean treated her so poorly for that two months they were married.

it reminds me of when jess told him “you’re gonna make some woman a fine doormat one day.”

he wasn’t wrong…

nevertheless, she’s calm, she’s not yelling, she’s trying to keep the peace. she’s the one trying hard to save her marriage, not dean. he already knew it was over after the affair.

T H E P A R A L L E L S.

it’s like the ‘that damn donna reed’ episode all over again but in real life. that was the first red flag.

lindsay stays at home learning how to cook roast beef for dean. dean works all hours of the night and day trying to save money for them to get a bigger place and a car and basically a LIFE without being college-educated.

he just wanted it to be a housewife situation at the end of the day. he didn’t want anything for lindsay, he never did. he wanted to come home to a huge meal and a wife that cooked and cleaned for him. that was the other reason his marriage didn’t work other than the fact he barely spent time with his wife because he was OUT MEETING RORY.

crazy.

but that’s dean. that’s what he wanted from the start and i’m glad rory didn’t get caught in that trap at the end.

i actually have so much more to say about marriage in this show but i may stop here. in the future, there will be many more posts about the characters but for now…

see ya <3

[radiandromeda]

3. Anti-hero — What’s an insecurity of yours that you have overcome? Althea

8. Vigilante Shit — Forgiveness or Revenge? Velmen

ALTHEA: ‹|3 OMG U GOT ONW TOO????

[A grunt of surprise, and some scuffling noises.]

VELMEN: UGH GET OFF WHAT

ALTHEA: ‹|3 THE QIESTIOSN!!!

VELMEN: THE QU

VELMEN: OH MY GOD UVE BEEN GETT¡NG THEM TOO .

ALTHEA: ‹|3 YEAH!!! Isnt it nixe ≈:)

VELMEN: U ARE SO WE¡RD

ALTHEA: ‹|3 ≈:(

VELMEN: ... GUESS THATS NOT UR ANSWER THEN HUH

ALTHEA: ‹|3 What

ALTHEA: ‹|3 Oh

ALTHEA: ‹|3 I guesd not.......

VELMEN: HEY BUCK UP ¡ KNOW UVE BEEN WORK¡NG ON OTHER SH¡T R¡GHT

ALTHEA: ‹|3 ..Yeah.....

VELMEN: L¡KE , FOR ¡NSTANCE ,

[A pause.]

ALTHEA: ‹|3 whOh right

ALTHEA: ‹|3 Um

ALTHEA: ‹|3 ..... Can u go whiel I think aboutit im havjng a hard tome coming up with anythinv

VELMEN: WHAT NO COME ON U GOT TH¡S

ALTHEA: ‹|3 Forgivneness or revenge??? Man yoirs is way cooler

VELMEN: DONT DEFLECT WHAT ARE SOME ¡NSECUR¡T¡ES UVE OVERCOME

ALTHEA: ‹|3 ??? Whydo I have to give more thsn one nkw?????

VELMEN: BECAUSE OTHERW¡SE ULL OVERTH¡NK ¡T TRY¡NG TO P¡CK THE ~BEST~ ONE

ALTHEA: ‹|3 You’re

ALTHEA: ‹|3 .................

ALTHEA: ‹|3 So annoying

VELMEN: ❤️

ALTHEA: ‹|3 How The Fuc kdid you say that ojt loud

VELMEN: 🚨🚨🚨 DEFLECT¡NG !!!

[A small, barely-audible impact of some kind, followed by a much more discernible cackle.]

ALTHEA: ‹|3 Uughghh I guess ivee worked on.

ALTHEA: ‹|3 ...Beign more acceoting of my feeliings.......???

VELMEN: D¡D U USED TO GET ¡NSECURE ABOUT HAV¡NG EMOT¡ONS ¿

ALTHEA: ‹|3 Didnt everyone

[The sound of someone sucking in air through their teeth.]

VELMEN: WELL ¡

VELMEN: CAN UNDERSTAND WHY U WOULD TH¡NK THAT G¡VEN UR SAMPLE S¡ZE BUT

[A beat.]

ALTHEA: ‹|3 .....Thatbincludes you ?

VELMEN: NEVER SA¡D ¡ WAS PERFECT

[A short scoff-laugh.]

ALTHEA: ‹|3 Glass hives rigjt

ALTHEA: ‹|3 Ok you go nkw

VELMEN: HOLD ¡T THAT WAS ONLY 1 TH¡NG AND U D¡DNT EXPLA¡N WHY U WERE ¡NSECURE OR HOW U OVERCAME ¡T

ALTHEA: ‹|3 Its not a ufcking essay wuestion????? Shutup

ALTHEA: ‹|3 I think U just dont wanna do Your questioj ≈>:p

VELMEN: ¡ WOULD NEVER ENGAGE ¡N SUCH OBV¡OUS AVO¡DANCE L¡KE U HAVE BEEN

ALTHEA: ‹|3 A—

VELMEN: MY ONLY GOAL ¡S ¡N FACT TO BOOST UR CONF¡DENCE BY MAK¡NG U SAY ENCOURAG¡NG TH¡NGS ABOUT UR OWN PROGRESS

ALTHEA: ‹|3 —well

ALTHEA: ‹|3 That is very niceof u.

VELMEN: MMHMM

ALTHEA: ‹|3 But I stikl think ur also avoiding your wuestjon so im going to wait until u answer it to answer mine any morw

[A beat.]

VELMEN: AAAHHHHHH FUCK U GOT ME ¡N MY ONE WEAK PO¡NT

ALTHEA: ‹|3 You only havr one weak plint ??

ALTHEA: ‹|3 And it’s compromises???

VELMEN: YEP ¡M A REAL POWER-OF-FR¡ENDSH¡P MOTHERFUCKER HAVENT U NOT¡CED

ALTHEA: ‹|3 ..No

[Startled laughter. A second, more subdued voice joins in after a moment; then pulls itself back together just as quickly.]

ALTHEA: ‹|3 Eheheh oksy you go

ALTHEA: ‹|3 Forgiveness

ALTHEA: ‹|3 or

ALTHEA: ‹|3 Reveeeeeenge

VELMEN: WELL

VELMEN: ¡M SURE U ALREADY KNOW MY ANSWER

ALTHEA: ‹|3 BOOOOO

VELMEN: NO COME ON ¡ WANNA HEAR UR GUESS F¡RST

ALTHEA: ‹|3 Whehre was this energy!!whwn u were so sure I had thingds to be proud of and then u leftme to come uo with my answer myself!!!

VELMEN: ... FA¡R

VELMEN: DO U TH¡NK U DON—

ALTHEA: ‹|3 /I/ think

ALTHEA: ‹|3 That u dotn want to say ur answer is forgiveness becausw u thibk thats nit the Cool answer

VELMEN:

VELMEN: YOUR CONCEPT¡ON OF ME ¡S FASC¡NAT¡NG

ALTHEA: ‹|3 Uh huh sure

VELMEN: ... MY ANSWER ¡S THAT . OBV¡OUSLY ¡T DEPENDS ON WHATEVER THE HELL ¡M FORG¡V¡NG OR REVENG¡NG

VELMEN: ¡ WOULD FORG¡VE U FOR EAT¡NG MY LAST CONFECT¡ON D¡SKS OR SOME OTHER BULLSH¡T L¡KE THAT

ALTHEA: ‹|3 .....What’s somethitn you wouldnt forgive ne for??

VELMEN: DUDE

VELMEN: ¡ CANNOT FUCK¡NG ¡MAG¡NE SOMETH¡NG U COULD & /WOULD/ ACTUALLY DO TO MAKE ME ~SEEK REVENGE~ ON U

ALTHEA: ‹|3 Not what I askef ≈:p

VELMEN: OK COME ON MR BR¡GHTS¡DE ¡M TRY¡NG TO BE AFF¡RM¡NG HERE

[mirrorballwhoistrying]

The Epilogue of Q1 (10.05.23)

April started with a baggage. Help! I haven’t written this for so long that I don’t know where to begin. 

The entire first week of April is all about IELTS test. I was panicking. Suddenly, I was a teenager preparing for a test again. I feel like I was starting everything from scratch. I watched a lot of IELTS videos. I was taking mock tests and the result was that satisfying, I was childish to aim for 8.0 band score when I prepared for like less than 3 weeks. I did the same thing and expected a different result. 

The thing was, I also had to do a field visit to Pursat just 3 days before the test. It wasn’t ideal but there was no other suitable time. I also had to take 2 days leave. The field visit was okay. I got to meet farmers and stepped out of my comfort zone. 

I also started talking to a guy who was my online crush. He suddenly replied to my story when I was on training for CAST. it He came back from Australia for a training. The thing is, I never knew whether someone really likes me or just bored, but aren’t we all bored and alone and need company from others? Isn’t it the nature of humans? Why should I let it bother me this much? 

I kinda went on a date with him after the IELTS test. He was asking me to go to the gym with him for awhile. I didn’t expect that. That we ended up going to massage spa. The first time I met him, he really made us strip to our underwear on the first meet. Help! He has a good body I must say. We also had dinner. He promised me to take me to Tastemania seafood if I ever go to Malborne. Help! The result was out and I got 7.5 on IELTS! Well, I was pretty okay with the result. I mean that’s pretty good for a 3 weeks preparation. I also did apply for AFP again. I keep telling myself not to let it define my whole self-worth like every failure didn’t crumble me into pieces. It still drained me so much I must say. That was also the week of Khmer New Year! The third week of April was a little calm week before the storm again. I was preparing for AAS essays and also the training at Pursat & Vietnam. I must say there were a lot of things to prepare regardless how small the training was. 

I didn’t finish the AAS by the time I went to Pursat. I’m disappointed but not surprised with myself! The slides I did was okay. We went to Pursat and I must say it went better I expected. 

I did my training on the 2nd day morning and it was pretty good. It was about Telegram and messaging app. I was half asleep all the time because b P made me stay with him revising the slides until 1AM!  It was better than the training I did with CAST for real! I should celebrate myself for a small victory! 

We had like 2 days of Rest, before going to Vietnam for the “training”. well, for real I need 2 separate blogs for these 2 experiences. The experience was torturous for real, but after finishing AAS and Pursat training, I felt like it was the end of something already. The journey to Vietnam was whether a field visit or staycation.  And now, I’m back to reality again. The energy surge from the trip is still there a bit I guess that’s why I keep doing this or that.  The most significant event this month was able to meet and talk with 3 seniors I guess. It was b SSD, B PS, B PN... I got to hear their stories and perspectives. It was something I always lack when I was in university. It’s always good to go out there talk to people and see perspectives instead of being trapped in my own mind maze.  I think life keeps teaching me hard this month about the importance of communication and networking. It could really bring you places. I tried my best.  Throwback, I did quite significant things in this first 4 months. I re-started Tik Tok account and reached 1.3K followers. I did my first freelance work, I did NRD2023, I did the side projects like TEBBY merch, did my first external presentation twice, did the project with farmers... It was small and small steps still count, right? for the Q2, I just hope to continue all those and looking forward to other stuff.  That’s all I could think of but definitely there are stuff running in the background of my mind. 

My motto I tried to live is “Don’t be a fraction of who you could be”. 

[ghul-wein]

Things’ve been weird? Making this account a little more ‘personal ‘ hasn’t been too big of a hurdle, though I think it feels weird being so upfront about thoughts and things (though there are not many people reading them,). But in the broader since I guess of a lot happening but not happening at the same time.

I’ve been in a very very big fit of art paralysis, I realize??? Like I don’t have ideas really & when i go to doodle or scribble small things, just to work those muscles ig, things come out meh :p really bland or not right, or just Not something. Its maybe just bc school is taking up a lot of my brain, its steady essay writing & quiz taking, or having to draw still life’s that are so so boring; if only bc I know how to do them :p that may change soon since the semester is almost over so thats !!! Yeah :] and I’ve been a decent bit more writing in between. Paying more attention to fiction stuff and things for one of my comic projects

And keeping this part brief (I’m saying A Lot) my head has been very unclear and bad feeling. In that way eating when you don’t feel Right helps I was going to take a nature walk but my joints have had other plans so I’m sat in bed. Which isn’t what I need!!!!!!!!! Or want!!!!!! I’ve been mostly nonverbal too, I’ve only really spoken bc I don’t know sign, and it’d be weird maybe to try and explain tism things. Leaves me feeling very small and awkawrdish, like in the way or people have to babysit kind of. Idk!!!

But since I haven’t been making a bunch of art I’ll share things I never posted :] and maybe doodles and things from sketchbooks/class assignments (if thats wanted,,)

[theimpossiblescheme]

Been doing some further thinking for Oracle ‘66 and refining the timeline for my girl Babs...

I know that The Bionic Woman is part of the Batman ‘66 extended canon by way of the comics (seriously, this world is getting bigger by the week, it feels like), so it’s entirely plausible that this universe’s Oracle could just snag herself some cybernetic legs... but I really don’t think she ever would.  Not just because we seriously need to grow out of the “implausible cure for disabilities” trope, but also because I just don’t think that’s the kind of person Barbara Gordon is.

Because so much of the Batman ‘66 ethos, especially where the Batfamily are concerned, is leading by example.  Batman is very aware that children look up to him in this universe, and he’s very tuned into their reactions to what he does, so he does his best to be a role model for them and instills those values into Dick as well.  And if Barbara’s been spending so much time around such an image-conscious person, it would definitely rub off on her.  Besides, she’s got a lot to be image-conscious about--in her civillian life, she’s the daughter of the police commissioner and the head of a lot of nonprofit community organizations, and as Batgirl she fills the same role as Batman does as an action-oriented role model, only for girls.  She’s going to be hyper-aware of how young women all over Gotham think of her... and if those young women have injuries and illnesses that can’t be easily fixed with advanced technology, why should she?  After all, ‘66!Oracle wouldn’t be paralyzed--she has scarring and burns that make walking very painful, but not impossible.  Some of these girls who look up to her might never walk again.  So the example she gets to set changes; if she could show able-bodied girls that they can kick just as much butt as the boys, then she would get to show disabled girls that they can kick just as much butt from crutches or a wheelchair.

She’s always been the kind of character whose thesis statement is, “Think you know what I’m capable of just by looking at me?  Well, you’re dead wrong.”  And I think it’s important to preserve that, both as the able-bodied Batgirl and the disabled Oracle.  “I’m no ordinary woman, Batman” is always and forever her driving force, no matter her physical ability.

[olderthannetfic]

Are there any openly trans guys from the mailing list/zine fan eras? I can’t believe that the LJ/tumblr fan generations would have been the first to use fic and fannish spaces to help sort out our own genders, but I don’t hear anyone talking about older guys. Idk, don’t want details on anyone who doesn’t want the info out there and I wouldn’t be surprised if people want privacy, just wondering… how much of that kind of history is actually there? How much old slash meta is like those 90s queer/butch essay collections where it keeps being like oh hm that author’s last name and writing style are familiar, guess this really is an old essay… :P

--

Not that I can think of, but that proves nothing.

How often do you hear anybody on tumblr discussing anything pre-LJ?

I don't mean "K/S is where slash fandom started" quotes from Fanlore: I mean personal experience. There was spockslash (RIP, legend!). There are a few people who talk about the zine era occasionally. There's almost nobody who talks about usenet or mailing lists from first hand experience. When we went to rescue yahoo groups, it was hard to get anyone to give a fuck because almost all of the Olds on Tumblr are LJ era Olds.

Pre-LJ Olds who are still in fandom are on Facebook.

--

One thing to keep in mind is that the 25-year-old trans guys often came out like five years ago...

And the 35- and 55-year-old trans guys also often came out like five years ago.

I went looking for Gender Stuff in the 90s, and it was all about trans women who wanted bottom surgery and experienced dysphoria. That wasn't even a gatekeepery jerkface thing back then. It's just where the understanding of transness was at. I think writings about trans men lagged behind a lot of other queer stuff, and a lot of trans dudes didn't figure themselves out until pretty recently.

I mean, you clearly know all this if you're referencing butch essay collections, but just saying. For posterity. Or the Youths™ or whatever.

I think there can be a disconnect in trans guys' spaces where the younger guys are looking to the older guys as mentor figures, but the older guys are just as early in their transition process and don't have the spoons, let alone the experience, to be that for them. (This is a complaint I've heard from guys I know.)

My guess is that that history is not there in the sense that I suspect any such dude had not figured out he was a dude during the zine era. It wouldn't just be that he was closeted. It would likely be that he didn't know at the time and figured it out with everybody else in the 00s or 10s. But that's a guess.

--

The further back you go in zines, the smaller the population. We're talking a few hundred to a few thousand people depending on which bit you're looking at, not the hundreds of thousands on LJ or the millions on FFN and AO3. So while I assume there's somebody, it might be like one single dude. Surveys suggest enbies are more common than trans men in fandom, and when we're dealing with such a small population back in ye olden times, that probable percentage doesn't add up to a lot of people. Out of our handful of hypothetical guys, are they still in fandom? Are they still alive? Will they have told me about their gender? There could totally be a dude I even know from cons or something, and if I haven't run into him in the past few years, I'd never know.

I can think of a few nbs, including one who lived as a trans man for a while before discovering that nonbinary was even an option, but I'd have to go check on exactly when they got into fandom. They might be more LJ than mailing list.

There are totally oldschool zine people who wrote m/m who explain it by going "Oh, I've always felt like a man inside", like whatevs, no big, don't all women feel this way?

If you wanted to interview an out trans man of the zine era, I don't know if I could direct you to one off the top of my head, but yeah, old-ass fandom sounds a lot like more recent fandom. I'm sure there's a fandom Patrick Califia kicking around somewhere. And if there isn't, maybe next year.

--

For a pro writer example, Billy Martin, formerly Poppy Z. Brite is an interesting dude. His 90s gothic horror books were such BL-flavor m/m, and slash fandom loved them back in the day. He was kind of an ass about fanfic, so I assume he wasn't in fandom, but you wouldn't know it from his books. Not quite what you asked about, but adjacent.

--

Fellow Olds, am I forgetting someone obvious? Anybody want to come out as Trans Fandom Grandpa to the Youths?

[windsource]

for #spnprideweek day 1: coming out + flags

↳ summary: cas tells sam a secret that he hasn’t (really) told anybody else. surprisingly, sam has one too.  PRIDE series | gen, sam & cas | word count: 1.7k

[READ ON AO3]

Sam’s grimacing a little at the grease from the fries on Cas’ plate. Cas would usually make a comment, here, about Sam keeping his eyes on his own paper, or that it isn’t nearly as bad as the veggie burger sitting on his plate at Sam’s behest. This is the recompense, Cas wants to say, but his mouth is dry and no words are coming out even if he wants them to.

Accompanying the inability to speak is the twisting feeling in his gut that won’t even allow him to pick up the burger. The smell is too much, too, and Cas hates to admit it but it’s probably the grease, so he sits back a little against the peeling seat of the booth to calm his nerves.

It’s just Sam. He can do this. It’s only that this is the first time he’s telling anyone, and that definitely ups the stakes a little.

Well, that’s somewhat of a lie. Cas had told the nice woman at the grocery store check out last week when he’d seen her little pin on her work uniform and asked where he could get one. 

He hadn’t actually bought one, of course, but Cas eyed the small bin full of brightly colored pins on the way out, convincing himself it was stupid to get back in line again for something so small and inexpensive. Still, he’d thought about it on the drive back to the Bunker, and that night in his bed, and the full week following, up until now. 

Now, Sam was looking at him with concern, and wiping his mouth in that way that means he’s about to get serious.

“Is everything alright?” he asks, pointedly looking down at Cas’ loaded plate. He’d barely taken a bite, except for a few nibbles of his admittedly greasy fries. And it was weird because since becoming human, Cas' appetite had grown considerably, much to Dean's delight.

And—Dean. That's what this was all about, wasn't it? Sure, it was more than just Dean, it was all the humans that had made Cas' body ache like it hadn't before, had made him think of what it means to be in this vessel—his body—and be attracted to other...humans.

It was odd. In hindsight, things in Heaven had been so much easier in this regard. Cas had spent most of his life clueless to the capabilities of human attraction, and then he met Dean and it all came crashing down around him. Only then, Cas was ignoring it. He was facing the other way, because though he felt human, he wasn't. Not really.

But everything is different now.

Cas clears his throat.

"Well," he starts, "no. I am feeling what I believe you’d call...anxiety. My stomach hurts, I find I'm unable to eat, a-and my hands are—"

"Cas," Sam interrupts. Shaking. Cas' hands are shaking.

Sam's fully set his fork and knife down now, hands clasped together on the edge of the table. "Talk to me."

Cas licks his dry lips.

"It’s not...it isn’t a big deal, really,” and yet Cas can feel his heart hammering in his chest. He sucks in a breath. “But I’m, uh. I wanted to tell you that...I like men.”

Sam’s expression doesn’t change, but he blinks at Cas once from across the table.

“Okay.”

Cas raises an eyebrow, pulse slowing down a little with his next exhale. “Okay?”

Maybe it was that simple, and Cas was worrying over nothing. It’s just...this feels like it should be bigger. Earth-shattering. Like Sam should either hug him or tell him he never wants to speak to Cas again.

Instead, he just shrugs, picks up his fork and pushes bits of his salad around his plate.

But then Cas’ gaze moves to Sam’s face and...Sam’s frowning. Cas feels his heart thumping hard again, waiting for the ball to drop. It feels a little like when Dean sat him down to “talk,” right after he lost his powers, and, well. Cas knew how that had ended. He braces himself for the worst, schools his features to something more neutral.

“I’m,” Sam clears his throat, “I’m sorry you got nervous over all of that. I-I get that coming out is...” he laughs, “usually a bigger deal, but. You don’t have to worry with me, you know? I get it.”

That makes Cas pause. “You...do?”

Now Sam’s looking at him, eyes a little wide, but he works his jaw and gets the words out. “Yeah. Uh... well I guess now’s a good a time as any to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

The fork is set back down again. The bell over the diner door jingles. 

“In college...you know about Jess,” Sam says, jogging Cas’ memory. He knows, so he nods and Sam continues, “Well we uh. We actually met in a Gender Studies class. I thought, ‘pff, easy A,’ but it was actually way more complex than I originally thought, so she kind of...tutored me.” Cas raises an eyebrow, and Sam rolls his eyes.

“Actually tutored me. Whatever. Point is, I learned a lot—‘cause she was a great teacher—and...not just about the class, but about myself, too.” 

Cas nods slowly, beginning to catch Sam’s drift. “Okay...”

Despite his tone, Sam’s posture stiffens a little, like he’s uncomfortable, or not really used to this type of conversation. Cas does his best to relax into his seat to ease him, unfolding his arms.

“What I’m saying is,” Sam shrugs, “I’m...not...cis. Like, I don’t....I’m not um, a guy, I guess. Well, sort of. I’m non-binary.”

Cas is silent for a second, mulling it over in his head. Eventually it becomes long enough for Sam to say, “Uh...you know what? You can forget it, man—”

“No!” Cas says, almost knocking over his plate in the process. The silverware clatters as it falls onto the table, and Sam flinches a little. “I was just thinking...I want to apologize if anything I’ve said about your gender has ever made you uncomfortable, or if you—”

Sam’s out-facing palm makes Cas stutter to a stop. There’s a weird guilt settling in the pit of his stomach, and the anxiety that he’d thought was gone is back full force again. Cas tears off a piece of his napkin.

“Cas, dude. Calm down,” Sam laughs. He takes a deep breath, and Cas follows his lead. They breathe in and out together for a beat, and when Cas feels fairly calmer, Sam pushes both of their plates aside.

“There’s no need to apologize for something you couldn’t have known about,” he starts, shaking his head a little, “and you haven’t done anything wrong, either. I still use he and him pronouns, and sometimes they and them. And besides, it’s not like I go around telling people. Especially with, uh, the way I was raised...I’ve been hesitant, you know? It was great in college, people were really supportive when I told them. But then when I started hunting again...I don’t know. 

“My dad...uh. I tried telling him, once. Didn’t go too well, so I didn’t try it again. I think that’s why Dean...” he shakes his head, frowning down at the table again. “It wasn’t easy, growing up the way we did. You could probably understand that.”

Cas nods. Under the table, his napkin is shredded into bits. 

“I do. I think, in a way, I also understand being trans.” Sam jerks their head up, intrigued. 

“Angels...we don’t experience gender the same way humans do. In fact, the concept is entirely nonexistent in Heaven. So, when we take vessels...”

“You’re essentially defining yourself,” Sam says in awe. It makes Cas smile to see them back in their element, leaning forward a little to listen better. “I never thought about it that way, not really.”

Cas shrugs. “I’m not sure all of my siblings did, either. Many chose according to which vessel would best suit them and their form. That was definitely a factor in me choosing Jimmy, but I also found the thought of looking like a human man...greatly appealing.”

Sam’s nodding now, gaze darting to different parts of the table. Cas knows that means they’re mentally crafting an essay right about now, or thinking of what books in the Bunker might further help in their research about it.

“Wow,” he says, “that’s—I mean. Wow, Cas. Thanks for telling me that. And uh, the other thing.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

There’s a comfortable silence between them now, and Cas takes it as an opportunity to sip from his slightly-melted iced tea. 

“So,” Sam starts again slowly, “have you told Dean?”

Cas sucks in another deep breath, and Sam nods. “Yeah,” he says, “me neither.”

It surprises Cas a little that Sam hasn’t told him, and he expresses that with an inquiring eyebrow. 

Sam purses his lips and dodges the unspoken question. “Dean’s not a bad guy. You probably know that better than anyone except me. You know he’d still love you if you told him.”

Cas’ heart pounds at the mention of the word. When Sam notices, he feels his ears begin to heat with a blush.��

“Oh,” Sam smiles, “that. I figured. For a while now, but I didn’t wanna say anything.”

Cas tries to will away the heat on his face. He doesn’t say anything, so Sam leaves it be.

The waitress gives them a worried look when she brings the check, eyeing their barely touched plates. They both smile apologetically, insisting that their food was “great” when she whisks it away.

On their way back home, Cas asks if Sam can stop at the store. They don’t ask anything more than, “we need groceries that bad?” and Cas dips inside. He knows this is just like any other grocery run—going in and out as quick as possible with the things they need—yet his heart hammers all the same when he stops in front of the bin near the door. The same employee from last week is working on lane six, and he’s sure to check out at that one with his goods. She gives him a knowing smile.

Cas flops into the passenger seat, a little out of breath.

“That was fast,” Sam starts to say, before noticing Cas’ lack of grocery bags. “Dude. What d’you buy, air?”

Instead, Cas brandishes two brightly colored pins. Sam tentatively takes the yellow, white, purple, and black one, eyes wide.

“For me?” they ask.

Cas smiles, running his thumb over the rainbow one in his hand. 

“For both of us,” he says.

[@spnprideweek]

[harrypotterbrainworms]

Denial Done (18+)

Summary: very very very spicy polyam fic. (request) 

Pairing: Sirius Black x Remus Lupin x Male Reader

Key: (Y/N)- your name

Word Count: 3387

A/N: i am so sorry. (sorry it took so long too. i feel bad. i wrote most of this VERY drunk. don’t drink kids.)

Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat with a disheveled look on his face, both of his boyfriends noticed this of course.

“Sirius… Can you not sit still for 5 fucking minutes while we finish our essays?” Remus sighed laying his face onto the nearly complete parchment, Sirius always ran circles around them while they were working, always.

“Really. We need to finish these before tomorrow, ya know? We have until tonight and if it wasn’t for you and detention we would’ve been done by now” (Y/N) sighed in discontent as well, a look of annoyance and frustration on his face, yet Sirius couldn’t help it. He was always restless, but especially right now.

“Please, Merlin, will you stop doing homework for one second and realise we haven’t had sex in a two weeks. You’re killing me.” He huffed out at his boring, hot, homework obsessed boyfriends. He had probably been hard for days by now, but every time he tried to fix it himself he just couldn’t make himself cum, not like they could.

“You’re killing yourself, Padfoot. If we keep getting full essays for pranks, we’ll never have sex again” He hissed at Sirius, very obviously pissed at how much of a pain in the ass his boyfriend was being. Acting like they had deprived out of pleasure and not out of school necessity, so over dramatic, he thought.

“Can we stop saying sex, I don’t think I can handle hearing that word again” Remus tried to hide the blush forming on his face, he in particular didn’t like to bring up their sex life in any way, especially not in front of the other studying students in the library. Sure it had been 15 days, 17 hours and 30 minutes since they last “made love” and maybe he had been dying for a choice to bring it up again, but not in such a public space.

Sirius pouted and slumped into the chair he was sitting on before crossing his arms dramatically.

“Fine. I’ll be honest. I’ve had the biggest boner of my life for the last 3 days” He huffed looking like a child throwing a fit, looking down at his boner that was politely tucked under belt for the time being.

“PADFOOT. We’re in the library. Keep quiet” Remus whisper shouted at him, giving him a death glare as he checked whether or not anyone had heard him or not.

“I’m sorry if my needs are so much less important than homework” Sirius pouted even harder looking away from them with an angry red face, leaving his boyfriends looking at each other a little awkwardly.

“Homework. That was your fault” Remus mumbled in response first trying to pull his attention away from Sirius’s bulge and back at the stacked parchment.

“Fuck me.” (Y/N) said trying to ignore him as well, but he just kept at it as usual. Trying to push the boundaries of what they would do if he pissed them off enough.

“That’s what I want you to do.” He replied too smuggly only to be met with the cold eyes of (Y/N) grabbing his face, leaving a knot in his stomach and throat. That was the straw he needed.

“You know what, Sirius? Fine.” He pulled his face closer, Sirius being too scared to even breathe anymore.

“What?” He was getting what he wanted, right?

(Y/N) ducked underneath the table with a sigh and started to unzip Sirius’s pants, he immediately knocked his knees up against the table at the sudden contact. Remus went red in the face when he realised what was unfolding, Sirius’s pants….

“Put muffliato on him, quick.” He huffed out to the very shocked Remus. He obeyed and charmed the already moaning Sirius.

“I haven't even touched you yet.” He groaned out, looking at Sirius’s twitching, dripping cock. He wasn’t sure how to feel, frustrated? Horny? Tired of his bullshit?

Sirius tried to say something, probably along the lines of “you’re so hot, just looking at you makes me wanna cum”, but nothing came out.

“This isn’t a good idea… Can’t you wait until we get back to the dorms?” Remus stuttered out nervously as he watched (Y/N) stare intently at the very hard penis in front of him, he may have even felt himself twitch in his own pants… not very convenient. (Y/N) looked at his tented pants and back at him, visibly dismissing his issue by sighing and turning back to the problem at hand.

“No, Remus. This can’t go on, we need to finish our essays and he’s not gonna shut up ‘till then” He waved in his general direction, extending his hand to rub his leg saying ‘later, okay?’. Remus looked a little uncomfortable, but would rather not get on (Y/N) bad side, especially while he was about to suck his boyfriend off.

“I guess.” He nodded and immediately looked at his book, trying to pretend like (Y/N) had just headed to the bathroom and was definitely not under the table.

Sirius just sat there, muffled and impatient. His dick twitching unintentionally at the swallow breath from (Y/N)’s mouth.

“You owe me.” He huffed out giving Sirius’s dick a kiss causing his boyfriend’s leg to shake a little at the anticipation. He slowly moved his face down while staring straight into Sirius’s eyes. The black haired boy bit his lip feeling very impatient, he wanted to push (Y/N)’s head down already, but he’d regret it immediately. Sirius looked like he was begging to speak, so he lifted the charm and let him speak.

“Don’t tease, please.” He pleaded to dead ears as (Y/N) harshly and delicately made sure to brush the head of his dick with every stroke.

“This isn’t a favour, Black. So just shut your face and then you can stop being horny for 5 fucking minutes” He stared through Sirius’s soul with that sending a twitch down his leg.

“Sit still, don’t be a fucking brat.” He groaned, grabbing Sirius’s feet between his thighs. Every time his boyfriend twitched he could just feel his leg rub up against him and for a moment he considered how much he could get away with, what if he just fucked Sirius unconscious under the table these thoughts only fuelling his agonisingly slow stroke.

“Come on, you’ve been depriving me all week.” He pouted in even a hopeful attempt to gain some control back, but was only met with evil horny eyes filled with all the possible things he could think of.

“No, Sirius. We’ve been studying all week and now you’re getting what you want. So you’ll sit still when I tell you, cum when I tell you and shut the fuck up when I tell you, okay?” He kept the same deep stare and deadpanned frustrated face, then grabbed his dick very roughly making Sirius dig his face into the book he was “reading” trying to muffle his moans without the charm.

“A-ah- okay…”

“Great.” He mumbled and pointed to Remus to cast it again. He looked up to the dripping boy in front of him once again, not leaving him a second to get comfortable before grabbing his dick full force. Not letting any moment to breathe with the fast and merciless strokes caused Sirius to involuntarily hit his knees against the table causing a few curious looks towards them.

Sirius felt like he just couldn’t keep up with the pace and rhythm anymore, just convulsing and shaking at every little touch he was given. The minute it looked like Sirius was gonna come, he just stopped dead in his tracks. He only moved on with slower and slower strokes and it never got faster than it was in the beginning which frustrated Sirius to his core. It felt like he would die at this rate, it added a layer of pleasure every time he just couldn’t do anything else, but watch his boyfriend work his magic.

“Wanna cum yet?” He gripped the base of Sirius’s penis pulling any form of pre-cum there was in the shaft making him gasp and keel over his face planted to his desk.

He nodded as well as he could, hoping only Moony and (N/N) could see and hear his muffled screaming at this point.

“Well you can’t.” He said picking up the pace just a little bit in spite trying to bring his boyfriend’s hope up.

He groaned at this response, tears starting to run down his face as he watched Remus shift uncomfortably. He thought he saw Moony rubbing one out over his pants, but was immediately distracted by the fact that (Y/N) had wrapped his mouth around his penis incredibly slowly and looked up at him. He couldn’t anymore, not with his boyfriend now running every part of his mouth up and down his dick. For the first time in the last 30 minutes it finally got faster and he begged and pleaded in muffled words and finally… (Y/N) nodded.

Remus slapped his hand over his mouth as he cum hard in his own pants leaving a small stain on it, the convulsions Sirius was pulled into sending him over the edge. A layer of sweat and tears glistening on his face under the pale candle light, he looked down to (Y/N) who had a long stream of thick cum running down his lips.

“What good boy, huh Moony?” He stared straight through Remus, he sat there shocked and upon seeing where (Y/N)’s eyes were going he removed his own cum covered hand out of his pants.

Remus nodded vigorously at (Y/N) as he watched Sirius convulse a few more times before panting heavily with a spaced out look on his face.

“Clean.” Before the words even left his mouth Sirius started kissing (Y/N) licking any remaining cum on his face with a smile of gratitude. He pointed at Remus’s hand as well leaving Sirius desperately licking up every bit of his cum too, not leaving a drop of anyone’s left.

“Will you disturb us again?” (Y/N) asked as he got up from underneath the table dusting off his knees and taking a cocky stride to his seat again.

Sirius shook his head starting to feel a headache coming on as he could barely tuck his very sensitive dick into his pants. Every little movement of his pants left Sirius feeling like he’d come again.

“Good. Homework?” He turned to Remus who was still looking at his hand in shock, but turned his attention toward with a nod.

“O-Of course” Remus replied and started absentmindedly writing notes and words onto his parchment. Every now and then he looked over to Sirius who still couldn’t hold himself together, everytime he was touched he flinched almost moaning in the process which left Remus harder than he ever imagined he could be.

(Y/N) looked up at Sirius to give a sympathetic look or a kiss on the forehead for being so good during and after the interaction. Leaving his black haired boyfriend very smitten and not at all mad at his still semi-throbbing cock. The days passed on as they always did, thinking about the next time.

Now in the dark room of their dorm, everyone and their mother could hear Remus Lupin pacing up and down the space, mumbling to himself. Nothing in particular just frustrated mumbling.

“Moony, just fucking sleep?!” James groaned with two pillows around his head

“He’s mad that I sucked Sirius’s dick and not his.” (Y/N) sighed pulling himself from the duvet he was hiding in, pulling a wand and book with him.

“You sucked his dick?!” James exclaimed pointing at Sirius who looked like he had folded himself into four different pretzels as he snored through the annoying pitter patter of his boyfriend.

“Yes, James. Keep up”

“I’m not mad or upset. You can suck who’s ever dick you want.” Remus huffed turning to face s corner to stand in alone while he continued his brooding session right in the middle of the common room.

“Remus. Just sleep, okay?” (Y/N) yawned trying his back away from Remus, wrapping himself in blankets in the process.

“Fine. I will. You’ll see.” He said before he could think, stomping off to his bed.

He threw himself onto his bed like an angry child sent to bed without dinner, but, he didn’t realise about an hour into being upset, the shadowy figure enter his four poster bed and closed the curtains.

“I know you’re upset. Do you want me to give you a wank, Remus?” The shadow now being recognised as (Y/N) whispered into his ear.

“N-No. Don’t call it that!” Remus stuttered out, but regretted saying it so loudly.

“Fine, do you want my hand to “make sweet love” to your penis?” (Y/N) dead panned at Remus sarcastically, moving closer to him on the bed until they were a few inches apart.

“Don’t patronise me.” Remus huffed around turning to face away from him, but that only gave (Y/N) access to his neck, leaving kiss after kiss on it.

“You’re doing a pretty good job doing that to yourself.” He stated between kisses.

“No I’m not.”

“Just tell me what you want, Moony.” He sighed and paused his neck exploration, hugging Remus from behind and snuggled his head into his neck.

“I-l- I want-“ He waited for a full sentence as he slowly pushed his hands into Remus’s shirt, making him more nervous.

“Yes?”

“I want you to-“ He felt (Y/N) hands slowly dragging up and down stomach skin, sending shivers down his spine. A small pit forming his stomach as he tried to say the words.

“To do what?” He smiled into Remus’s neck as he continued to kiss him.

“T-Touch me.” He finally said it, but it didn’t seem to be exactly what (Y/N) wanted to hear.

“Come on, Remus. I know you can say full sentences”

“I want you to t-touch m-me” He blurted out in a quick string of words as he felt (Y/N)’s hands falling south of his waist.

“That can be arranged” He said with a smirk, placing his fingers between Remus’s underwear snapping it.

He shiftly whispered a jinx into his ear, Remus feeling his hands pull together behind his back quickly. He looked up at (Y/N) who was usually shorter, but with Remus on his back and his boyfriend on his knees he felt inferior.

“You’re been a brat all day, honey. You didn’t expect me to just give you what you want on a silver platter, did you?” He cocked an eyebrow, pushing his boyfriend’s underwear and pants down, leaving it tangled together at his ankles.

“Of course not.” He huffed, trying his best to get into a semi comfortable position.

“Now, shush. I’m not putting any charms up.”

Remus suppressed a moan slowly escaping his lips as (Y/N) stroked him slowly, keeping a careful pace. He’d been sticking there hard for so long, he didn’t think he could last long.

“Please, god… I just” He huffed out, feeling the knot in his stomach as (Y/N) bent down kissing the light pink scars sticking out from his shirt.

“Speak up, I know you can.” Still kissing and suckling on Remus’s neck,

“I n-need to-“ He moaned as he felt his knees start to buckle from underneath. his toes curling in the process.

“Tell me what you need?” He said impatiently, always so needy and so apprehensive. He stroked faster, trying to pull Remus closer and closer to euphoria.

“I need to cum” He said blankly, a soft moan escaping his lips as he felt (Y/N)’s lips on his jaw.

“Aw? Already? Fine.”

“R-Really?” Remus perked up, a grateful smile on his face as he started to push himself closer to the edge.

“Knock yourself out” (Y/N) yawned a bit, looking as unfazed as he could.

“Thank you!” He was about to cum to the quick pace of (Y/N)’s pace, but before he could even bring himself over to the edge he stopped.

“No-“ He came everywhere, but he felt nothing. Only the lingering feeling that he was supposed to cum being left, he had every symptom of having the biggest orgasm in a while yet the pressure in stomach said otherwise. His legs shook and he was barely able to move where (Y/N) had pulled him to, his ass now in the air and his face buried into the mattress.

“What? Thought I’d let you cum properly yet after you’ve been brooding for days.” (Y/N) said pushing his boner against his boyfriend’s ass teasingly adding a few dry humps sending Remus through the motions again.

Remus moaned at the friction being caused, but immediately got a hand over his mouth which he thanked the lord for when he realised once again his friends were fast asleep around him. His core hurt, the unclenching and clenching of his muscles giving him unbearable cramps.

“P-Please, (Y/N)... This is too much” He twitched upwards, panting heavily.

“You haven’t said your safe word, Moony. If I knew better and I do, you’re enjoying this.”

He brought his boyfriend’s body to his own, Remus trying to cling to (Y/N) for his life.

“So fucking cute.” He said, grabbing the other boy’s face from behind, making him stare into eyes as he snaked his hand around Remus’s penis making him flinch with pleasure and pain.

“Yes” He agreed with him instantly as he moved his other hand to wring his nipple.

“Kiss me, love” He ordered and Remus connected their lips, every sudden fast stroke was a moan into (Y/N)’s mouth. He opened his eyes every few seconds to see a sweaty, blushing and moaning Remus making him want to fuck him right then. His thrusts became sloppy as he breathed a little heavy. He left out a sigh and stopped.

“I’m tired, come ‘ere” He propped himself up on the bedpost and patted his leg, Remus crawled to straddle his boyfriend’s leg and started grinding himself against.

“You can- cum properly this time- as long as you do it here” He said in between kissing and suckling on his neck, Remus nodded enthusiastically as he started to ride (Y/N)’s leg quickly.

“Slow down, love. No rush.” He held down his hips, slowing his movement which drove Remus insane while (Y/N) just brought his body toward him whispering in his ear.

Remus was flushed from ear to ear, his breath hinging every few seconds as he drew closer and closer to his release.

“Do you want to- ah- cum too?” Remus whispered as he was basically hugging (Y/N).

“Are you offering?” (Y/N) asked, rubbing his back comfortingly.

“Yes, Merlin. Yes.” He sighed out defeated as he left (Y/N)’s thigh.

Remus pushed (Y/N)’s underwear down over his dick, watching it spring out. He grabbed one of pillows as he positioned himself to suck him off.

“Merlin, you’re too good to me.” (Y/N) breathed out as Remus put his lips around him. He watched Remus, stroking his hair tiredly as he felt himself coming closer and closer to cumming as well.

Remus bopped his head up and down at an alarming rate making (Y/N) buck his upwards into his throat. He pulled on his hair a bit, Remus humming around him.

“Shit. I’m gonna cum.” He shivered as he felt Remus’s tongue work on his dick.

(Y/N) pushed Remus’s head into him, releasing down his throat. He watched Remus undo too, a few strings of cum spewing onto the bed.

“Good boy.” He breathed out shakily as Remus pulled his mouth off (Y/N). He smiled tiredly and (Y/N) kissed forehead lightly, ruffling his hair as he helped Remus clean up and tucked in bed. He yawned and stretched his arms out, heading to his own bed.

“You guys are so hot.” He heard Sirius whisper from his bed, he was probably listening the entire time.

“You’re a slut, you know that. Could’ve joined us” He sighed and climbed into bed.

[moralesispunk]

Standing up for their daughter

For Frankie Morales, Din Djarin, Marcus Moreno, Pero Tovar and Marcus Pike

x Female Reader (established relationship with child)

based on this post I made the other day (it was quite long so I did it with fewer characters but if you want me to do another with others then I can do a part II!)

Frankie 

You were at work when Frankie got the call into school because your daughter had been “violent” with another pupil. Frankie’s head was racing the whole drive there, wondering what had happened and hoping his baby girl was okay but ready to give her into trouble if need be. When he walked into the principals office, she were sitting on one of the chairs in front of the desk, an empty one next to her for him. She started to talk but he silently told her to wait, looking to the principal and asking what had happened.

“Your daughter pushed Alexander over in the playground today. The poor boy has cut all down his leg.”

Frankie looked at his little girl, waiting for an explanation to this from his usually quiet and peaceful daughter.

“He was pulling my hair dad! He chased me around the playground and didn’t stop pulling my hair even though I asked him to stop!”

Frankie was angry but managed to keep it inside as he turned back around to the principal.

“And what is happening to Alexander?”

“Well, he is fine the nurse had a look at-”

“No. What punishment is he receiving for tormenting my daughter?”

“You know what boys are like, he was just teasing her. Probably means he likes her. There was no need for your daughter to get that violent with him.”

“I am going to take my daughter out of school for the rest of the day and my wife can come back and talk to you tomorrow because I don’t trust my temper right now,” Frankie said calmly, “that boy needs punished for the way he treated my daughter and she should not be punished for defending herself. I suggest you have a think about that before you talk to the boys parents and before you try and give my daughter into trouble again. Let’s go, honey.”

Frankie took your daughter’s hand, walking with her out of the office. On the way the by the boy and his parents Frankie hands his daughter the keys to his truck and tells her he’ll be there soon. When she is out of sight he turns to the parents, telling them teach your boy some manners, my daughter expects a full apology before walking off again. He takes her out for ice cream, telling her that while he doesn’t condone violence she was right not to let him continue to act like that. That night the boy and his parents arrive at the door, a full apology given from him to your wee girl.

Din 

Your youngest daughter came and found Din, saying the oldest had been in a fight with one of the boys in the covert. Din took her hand, letting her lead the way to the circle of children that had formed. A boy he had recognised from around the covert was lying on the ground, his daughter standing over him with her arms crossed.

"Alright, enough,” Din walked through the sea of tiny bodies that started to run off in different directions when he arrived, “what happened?”

Just as Din placed his hands on his hips, waiting for an explanation, the boys father arrived.

“He kept pinching me, he wouldn’t stop and so I made him stop,” your oldest daughter shrugged.

“Ah, he was just teasing,” the other Mando helped his son up.

“He wasn’t teasing!” you daughter sighed, exasperated. 

Din turned his helmet to his daughter, warning her to stay quiet as he dealt with the situation.

“He must have a liking for your girl, Mando! You remember what it was like,” the other man reached over and placed a hand on Din’s shoulder.

“No. Teach your son some manners or I’ll teach my daughter to hit him back harder next time,” Din said simply, his hand still holding onto the hand of your youngest and the other reaching our for your oldest. 

The man and his son stared silently as Din walked off with his two girls, waiting until they were round the corner to ruffle your oldest hair. 

“I think I hurt my hand when I punched him,” your daughter shook the pain out.

“Well I guess we better take tomorrow to perfect your punch,” he said, the smile in his voice clear.

Marcus M

When he gets a phone call at work from Missy’s school his mind is in instant panic mode and that panic doesn’t settle by much when he is told by Missy’s teacher that she punched a boy. Marcus excuses himself from work and heads straight to the school, walking straight to the principals office. Missy is sitting in the corner on a chair, obviously upset and next to a boy holding an ice pack to his face, with the parent’s mother and the principal watching him as he walks in.

“Thank you for coming Mr Moreno. I’m sure you are as surprised as we are with this, Missy is usually a very quiet but polite girl,” the principal began.

Marcus nodded, waiting for him to continue.   

“Missy will be suspended of course, for this unprovoked attack on another student, and will be expected to write an essay on her actions.”

“Is this true Missy?” Marcus turned and looked at his daughter.

“I did punch him yes,” Missy began and Marcus sighed, “but only because he kept pulling my hair in class and pinching my arm. I told him to stop and he didn’t. I told my teacher and she said to ignore him but he kept doing it. I told him if he did it again I would punch him. He did and so I punched him.”

Marcus kept his face straight and stern, something he had learned from Heroic training and turned back to the principal.

“Well, from what I see, Missy gave him fair warning,” Marcus kept his tone neutral.

“Mr Moreno,” the principal sighed.

“She hit my son!” the woman next to him screeched.

“And your son pulled my daughter’s hair and pinched her,” Marcus raised his eyebrow, “I am not happy with my daughter raising her hands in a classroom and we will have a talk, but unless this boy is also being suspended and writing an essay on his actions and his mother is prepared to talk with him about his disgusting manners then Missy will be in school, 9am sharp tomorrow.”

The principal and mother stared at Marcus mouth agape for a moment before nodding.

“They can both be in school tomorrow,” the principal sighed.

“And I am prepared to come in and teach the young boys of this school a lesson on what no means, as it seems the school and parents are not teaching them an important lesson. Let’s go Missy,” Marcus stood and waited for Missy to follow him out.

And that is exactly what Marcus did. Missy was at school the next day, head held high after the both of you made her feel better about the situation, and two days later Marcus gave a lesson to the whole school on no means no.

Pero

Pero took your and his baby girl with him to the market to give you some much needed alone time. As he wandered around the stalls he had his large hand wrapped around her small one to keep her close, ruffling her hair and sending funny faces her way whenever they had to queue for meat or vegetables. When he turned to face the butcher to pay him with coins, he heard a fuss behind him but ignored it until his baby girl yelped and there was a thud on the ground.

His head whizzed around and he seen his little girl holding onto the back of his tunic and a boy a little bigger than her on the ground.

“She pushed me!” the little boy whined.

“He pulled my hair first!” your baby girl explained.

“Sounds like you learned your lesson, don’t annoy little girls or they’ll hit back,” Pero chuckled at the boy, lifting the meat he had just bought from the counter and walking with his little girl in his hand away from the stall, “very good, my love.”

Marcus P

Marcus was always a favourite with the mums at birthday parties and you always joked you shouldn’t send him alone. This week there was a birthday party of another girl in your daughters class and since you had a day out with your friends planned, Marcus would take her. When he showed up, the back-garden was full of children screaming and bouncing on the bouncy castle, all the mums and one other dad standing about the kitchen.

He was talking to the other dad when all the parents attentions were grabbed by a yelp coming from the bouncy castle. One of the wee boys was sitting in the middle, looking up at your daughter as everyone else jumped up and down.

Marcus and the other man left the kitchen, walking over to see what was going on.

“She pushed me down!” the boy shouted to his dad.

“He kept pulling on my hair!”

The man next to Marcus chuckled and Marcus shot him a glare as he lifted his daughter from the bouncy castle.

“Looks like someone has a crush.”

“Looks like someone needs to be taught some manners,” Marcus shot back, carrying his daughter into the kitchen for a drink leaving the other man and his son staring as they walked away.

If the rest of the mums didn’t find your husband attractive before then they sure did now, all of them saying a chorus of someone had to tell him, and he lets his son get away with that with all our daughters but we never knew what to say. After this catch Marcus having a strong one-on-one chat with the man later telling him to teach his son not to bother little girls like that or he will become a dangerous young man.

//

Permanent tag list // @phoenixhalliwell @asta-lily @hb8301 @princess76179 @sarahjkl82-blog @spideysimpossiblegirl @blackmarketmummy @bison-writes @dihra-vesa @evyiione

[projecthellkai]

This ended up being 3k300 words and I’m already sorry for that

I did, a few days ago, submit Pinnochio-P's Non Breath Oblige to the @proseka-wishlist​ blog and, ever since then, can you guess what happened. Yep, can't take it out of my head and on the same day I submitted I ended up writing a messy rant on why it fits Kanade and Ena so well (alongside their connection to Mafuyu and Mizuki)... Except, instead of posting the ramble here, I decided to rewrite it and arrange word by word so it could actually make sense, alongside making my own line division (which became the 5th line division I ever made for a song) for it so I could get a better idea on how to write this.

So, here we go. Not line by line (because I'd never be able to make a line by line analysis on a song), but taking out the main and most important lines and points, their meaning and also me using the MV to explain some of my ideas for it. I will be using the official Pinnochio translation for it to make my job easier, too. Under the cut because this ended up LONG

Before anything, I think it’s interesting to point out the breath taken right before the song starts and right after it ends, I will explain what i interpret the breathing as in the middle of this essay, but do keep this in mind: This is not only a breath, but also Kanade and Ena being honest with themselves and each other.

It's creepy to be liked by everyone in the world

Right off the bat, Kanade. Take into account how, when she was small, Kanade helped her father *once* with a song for a contest and *her part of the song* was used for a commercial, not his. Right after that, clients started going after her father looking for songs like the one in that exact same commercial, not her dad's songs, but *hers.* Put such a thing through the eyes of a small child, who saw her father overwork and stress himself to the point of being hospitalized because of *her own* creation, not his. Kanade's talent being enjoyed by others, in her own view, caused her father hospitalization, Kanade's talent being *liked* by others is what brought him there. Maybe, if others didn't like her melody that much, all of that wouldn't have happened.

Maybe, it's just too scary to have a lot of people suddenly liking your work when you're a child.

But I want to hold hands with you, in a classroom where we can’t connect

And then Ena. I'll bring up the My Footprints, Your Destination event story up, but most specifically the final moments of it. During the end, Ena runs after Mizuki because she *knew* something was wrong, and knowing that, Mizuki panics, because if Ena found her... Then, she *had* to have asked their classmates, right? Mizuki will keep blocking Ena from actually getting close to them until they're comfortable with revealing their secret to her, *even* if Ena wants so badly for Mizuki to trust her. Ena may want to hold Mizuki's hand, she *wishes* for Mizuki's trust... But, in this classroom, they'll never be able to connect until Ena is aware of their secret. They'll never be able to connect until the two of them want to hold hands, until the two of them trust each other.

I'll raise the white flag to the tyranny of the majority,

suppress my ill feelings and say cheese

White is most commonly a color associated with calmness, patience but most importantly: Peace. Amongst all other project sekai characters, most in complete denial that there's anything wrong with them (See: Tsukasa and his anxiety, Akito refusing to acknowledge his anger issues, Touya and his dad, MMJ girls just going right back to being idols even if they had bad experiences in their old groups, and while I do love Leo/Need a lot, I do think they became friends again quite quickly. Hell, even the other niigo members themselves do this and I am looking right at you two Mizuki and Mafuyu), Kanade's entire goal with making music is to *save* others. With her music, Kanade wants to bring peace to others, which is exactly what she's able to do with Mafuyu, who keeps on living because of her songs. To all the other characters, lying to others and themselves they're fine, Kanade will raise her own white flag, in an attempt to bring them peace.

Second line, while not as strong of a degree as Mafuyu and Mizuki... During the beginning of Niigo, Ena did suppress her honest feelings a fair amount, to keep with the whole cute facade, *especially* online. Now, though, that mainly happens when Ena is in fact posting pictures of herself online, the "say cheese" right after. Recently, Ena is able to be more sincere about how she feels and about her real self, too: She is able to be her sarcastic and "mean" self without holding back, while still being caring and worrying about others. Ena may still suppress her feelings online... But with the other's help, she is getting better, even if slowly.

A game of musical chairs that created division

Ena and Mizuki line. Let's go by parts, starting with the one that would be singing this.

Ena's part is probably more obvious: It's basically a metaphor to her relationship with Akito. At this point, we *do know* that they used to have a good relationship, but we still don't have a straight out confirmation as to *why* their relationship soured, which hurts even more when you consider that not only did Ena encourage Akito to become a street performer when they were younger... But also, the two still care about each other, deep down. Akito still gets worried when he sees Ena having a breakdown over her art in her bedroom, saying she will throw all of her supplies out and he doesn't have to worry, just as Ena buys him entire outfits and genuinely *cares* about him, and even if she does say that she wants to follow him to the cafe he performs with VBS as a joke... Knowing Ena, and *knowing* she encouraged him to become a street artist, deep down she wants to see how far he came ever since they were younger.

Then, Mizuki. Theirs is less direct... But can you imagine being born as a boy, and then you discover that *oh, I don't actually feel like one* and instead of others supporting you most of them start saying you're weird or gross? This would be even more hurtful when we *know* Mizuki found out they aren't cis quite young, around the time they met Rui. Mizuki, even if they tend to isolate themselves when things start going wrong, is an extrovert, you can *bet* that having their friends, at least until then, start calling them weird because they didn't feel like a boy would affect them, creating a division in their lives and starting their whole thing with pushing people away.

A baby that is given birth by epidural labor

Not a direct connection this time, but more of a metaphor.

Epidurals are usually given during birth to make the whole process easier, and then you have two girls who, during their whole childhood, were pretty much influenced by adult's words that ''they had a gift''. A gift that, arguably, could make their lives easier.

Kanade grew up hearing from her dad that she was blessed by music, being praised by her works ever since she was a child. Kanade didn't have a say as to whether she wanted to pursue this path or not... She was blessed after all, wasn't she? And after her dad ended hospitalized, Kanade just stood in their house, producing songs, and along that came her savior complex. Now, she wants to use her songs to help others, to keep others alive. Something that was supposed to be a talent is now seen as a curse by herself.

Meanwhile, Mafuyu grew to be the perfect child, always getting good scores and excelling in sports and *anything* she did, while getting more and more empty as days went on. Now, here she is, lacking emotion and *anything*, really, but having to keep this mask in front of others so she's still a good girl.

Even if the two had their lives pretty much settled for them, it ended with the two hurt. It ended with the two of them having their own problems, even if it supposedly should help them grow in their future.

Is it wrong to boast of my happiness?

Is it wrong to grieve over my unhappiness?

First line to Ena, second to Kanade.

Ena grew up in a house where, most of the time, her art was trashed and her father told her she could never become a professional artist, even if that was her dream. With this, Ena grew extremely perfectionist over her own art, seeing herself as someone without a talent... Until, with Niigo's help, she's able to see value in her own work. With Niigo's help, she was finally able to look at her creation and feel happy with it. Except, outside the sekai or nightcode, we can't really be sure if Ena shows that happiness. Wouldn't her family bring her down, anyways? So instead, maybe it's better to keep this happiness on this chat, on this sekai. It may not be wrong to feel happy with it... But also, she doesn't want to lose this happiness, again.

Meanwhile, Kanade keeps working on music, even if she sees her talent on it more as a curse. At this point, she is the *only* Niigo girl that didn't have an event fully exploring her issues (aka WHEN will i get an event focusing on Kanade's savior complex and how it affects her negatively...), and instead of venting to the other three, Kanade just listens to them. She just keeps producing their music, hoping that it can save more people, that it can *help* others besides just the three of them, because for Kanade, her unhappiness is unimportant as long as her curse is helping others, as long as she's *saving* others with it. Her unhappiness is unimportant, it feels wrong to bring it up to any of the other three when her songs are able to help them... There is no reason to grieve over it, if the others feel comfort with what she's able to produce.

I’m avoiding impudent words for our glorious future

A fairly straightforward one. It's pretty much obvious Ena is impulsive and sometimes can’t hold back her words, still, recently it’s noticeable she’s being more empathetic with Mafuyu (even if she can still be a little blunt sometimes). Niigo is the only place Ena can boast off her happiness, after all, so why would she want to lose it? Ena wants Niigo to succeed, and on the other side of the coin, we have Kanade. Just like I mentioned on the one before this one, Kanade keeps her mouth *shut* about any of her own issues, Kanade doesn’t want to say anything impudent about how she sees making music more as a curse than a talent… She wants Niigo to stay together, she wants to *see* the other three getting to their glorious future, even if that means she won’t be there with them.

One, two “There are many people in this world who can't even breathe”

I think this would be a good part for me to explain what the ‘’not being able to breathe’’ part means in my interpretation of the song. For me, it refers specifically to not being able to be honest with yourself, to repress or ignore all of your issues and not being able to come to terms with them: Exactly what Mafuyu and Mizuki do.

This part in particular should be sung by Kanade. She is the one who wants to help others, and she is the one who would recognize how others aren’t able to breathe: Not only the two, but also others she met, Kanade wants to bring a chance of breathing to *everyone*, she wants people to connect to their songs, to hear what they (Niigo) have to say and feel comfort in knowing that, whatever it is they’re feeling, it happens to others too. Kanade wants to *help* others to breathe.

If I’m true to one side, I’m false to the other; we give, we take, we protect, we misunderstand I stop in the minefield, and obediently become a dog

This may be a little surprising to some, but I think the dog part in specific should go to Kanade instead of the white bird. Dogs are usually associated with loyalty, trust and companionship, which is *exactly* what Kanade represents to the rest of Niigo: Kanade wants to be the one all of the others trust, the one all of them can give a little piece of themselves to: Mafuyu with literally all of her issues, Mizuki with Kanade accepting them for who they are and Ena with her art. In the middle of whatever problems Niigo may have, Kanade will be in the middle of this minefield, in hopes of the other three reaching out to her. Still, even if she is in fact true to the other three, Kanade keeps lying to herself about her issues: She refuses to acknowledge her savior complex, and she will keep faking it until the end.

We use our complexes, complexes, complexes

Complexes as weapons to fight

For the sake of our convenience and freedom

We obligate ourselves to hold our breath

For the sake of Niigos freedom of expressing themselves, they have to use whatever issues or problems they have. There is something I wrote down about Niigo’s songs once, which is “While MMJ songs are supposed to make them connect with others, Niigo song’s are supposed to make others connect with *them*”. Their complexes have to be explored in order for this to happen, they have to expose their complexes in song form so that the connection can happen, even if they aren’t truly honest with themselves: Ena and Kanade may both be making some progress towards getting better, but the same can’t be said about Mizuki and Mafuyu, who they *want* to help… And instead, as the song puts it:

I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe,

Kanade and Ena can’t breathe, not because they aren’t being true to themselves, but because their *friends* aren’t true with the two of them, either. It’s clear both really want to help them… But instead, there’s a wall dividing the four. Kanade and Ena can’t breathe *because* they won’t be able to truly do it until they’re able to stare at Mafuyu and Mizuki and see that they’re *fine*, that the two are able to breathe, too. This will come back on the ending of the song.

I want to live but I'm told to die,

I want to die but I'm told to live,

Again, a metaphor. This part did appear before on the song, but I wanted to talk specifically about it here because of the art. Specifically, Ena should be the one facing the front, symbolizing her desire to keep doing art, recognizing that she *wants* to both live and die, but others keep telling her the opposite (Niigo encourages her while her family discourages her). Kanade, instead, shows her back, symbolizing her desire to make music because yes, while she wants to keep working with it, she herself is the one that discourages herself… Because Kanade has yet to make a song to connect with *herself*. Ena is aware of her desire, meanwhile Kanade is aware of hers, but tries to also ignore it, because she still makes songs *only* to save others, and not herself.

One, two “There are many people in this world who don't even know love”

And as the counterpart to this before was sung by Kanade, this one is sung by Ena. While Kanade only wants to save others, Ena wants *connections*, she wants Mizuki, Kanade and hell, even Mafuyu, to look at Ena and see a *friend* instead of just a girl they work with. Ena wants to bring them love, and perhaps the most obvious example of this is, again the My Footprints Your Destination event, where Ena literally promised Mizuki she’d stay by their side *forever*, until they were ready to tell Ena their secret.

Kanade wants to bring them acknowledgement of *their own* feelings. Meanwhile, Ena wants to bring them acknowledgement of *others* feelings. It’s a perfect equilibrium.

Sympathy, envy, jealousy, resentment, black tears falling down

My ugly emotions burst out and become a snow-white bird

I don’t think there can be an argument made against Ena being the most emotive one out of Niigo. Birds most commonly are used to represent freedom, which is *exactly* what she gets with the unit: Ena gets a place where she can make her art without fear of being judged by it, a place where she is free to say whatever is on her mind and produce what makes her happy, a place where she doesn’t have to repress or hide her ugly emotions, because all the others in here have their own problems, too. Here, Ena can recognize not only “good” emotions like sympathy, but also envy, jealousy and resentment, fully allowing herself to cry without someone knocking on her down to stay quiet.

We don’t directly, directly, directly

Directly do anything in person

Through the liquid crystal that robs our imagination,

we hold our breaths and feel secure

This is the exact part that sold it all to me when I was first watching the mv to write this. Do I have to say anything? The imagery of a phone screen glowing, before it cracks, alongside the lyrics. Of course they aren’t able to do anything directly in person, they’re a *virtual* unit that works mainly through nightcode. Through the “liquid crystal”, through their *phones*, they’re able to hold their emotions and feel secure: the others won’t be able to read what they’re feeling or doing. They may be friends and hang out in person, but they *aren’t* able to actually talk about their issues like they do online. Mafuyu and Mizuki will excuse themselves, Kanade will completely ignore and act like she’s fine and Ena will burst out and try to hide it, through nightcode, though? They feel comfortable here, because they won’t be able to judge each other face to face.

I hold my breath, I hold my breath, I hold my breath, I hold my breath,

… And it’s not like Kanade and Ena don’t *want* to breathe. Maybe, the real reason they’re not able to breathe isn’t because of something, but because they’re *holding* their breath. They are doing the best they can to truly hold it in as to not overwhelm the other two. Because, when the time comes, they want to *show* that they can also help Mafuyu and Mizuki to hold their breath, too. Because the two’s burden shouldn’t be only theirs (even if that is a little bit hypocritical, coming from them).

Non-breath, non-breath, non-breath, non-breath oblige

I love you, to protect what each of us loves

I breathe inside the bomb shelter with you

And then, the last part. To protect what each of them love, they will keep breathing inside of Niigo, with the two. So that Ena can keep protecting her friends, but also her love for drawing, and so that Kanade can keep helping her friends… But also, maybe, find out her own love for composing, and learning she shouldn’t do it just to help others. While they’re still in this bomb shelter - nightcode - they will allow themselves to actually *feel*. They will allow themselves to be real.

(I also think it would be very cool if Mafuyu and Mizuki sang ONLY the final line along Kanade and Ena, but that maybe would be a bit too much to hope for)

[coeurdastronaute]

Essays in Existentialism: Plus One, Ch. 2

Previously on Plus One

It oscillated every other minute between being an amazing idea, but also being the worst idea of all time, and Lexa was mostly exhausted of bouncing back and forth. It might be easier, she decided, if she just got herself on board with it being a good idea, but a deep, gnawing hole seemed to manifest itself in her gut at the very thought of seeing her ex. 

As she went through the motions of finishing the day, of doing inventory because it was Wednesday, Lexa tried not to distract herself with the thoughts of her impending trip. In just forty-eight hours, she’d be face to face with Costia, who she hadn’t seen in months, who she avoided before occasionally running awkwardly into each other at mutual friends’ events. She’d come face to face with her ex who was getting married. 

And she was going to do it with a complete stranger on her arm. 

With a heavy sigh, Lexa tossed her clipboard on her tiny desk in the storage closet and plopped down in the squeaky chair, tipping it back with a wail. Her sister was the worst. 

It was quiet in the shop, closed for just a handful of hours, Lexa always took a day to inventory and repair the damage of the week. She enjoyed the late evening work, when her workers were gone, and the shop was empty and full of dreams. No one knew how the cabinets stayed so clean, or how the scratches on table tops got sanded and fixed, or how the wobbly table by the window was miraculous cured one day, or how the ceiling fans got dusted, just that it all happened, and Lexa was off, meaning she didn’t come in until at least ten, the following morning. 

But Lexa sat in the chair and let her brain do the same mental gymnastics it always seemed to do in the new quiet she found herself craving. She opened her laptop and ignored the awaiting spreadsheet, and instead opted to look over the answer Clarke had given her to the “Know your partner” quiz Clarke googled and made them both do. A mix of basic information and Newlywed Game style innuendos, Lexa filled hers out after a bottle of wine and anxiously waited for Clarke’s. 

That was what started the daydreaming. She scrolled through Clarke’s answers and furrowed, doing her best to memorizing all that she could, as if she’d be tested on it all, as if it’d be impossible to believe she could be happy with someone like Clarke. 

And when those thoughts started to seep into her brain, Lexa leaned back again and dug the tips of her fingers into her eyes. 

In a week it’d be over. 

And with that and a deep, heavy sigh, Lexa looked at the screen again and went about learning Clarke. 

She started professionally, of course, looking at her corporate page and resume, because this was, if not anything, simply a business transaction and Lexa thought it was easier to parse a person if she didn’t actually have to fall for her. 

A graphic designer at Anya’s firm, Clarke held accolades and a long list of references. The link to her work showed a wide range of commercial campaigns and a certain amount of talent evident by her list of upcoming projects. A graduate of a small, private, liberal arts university, her academics leaned heavily scientific, which was a surprise until Lexa read some of the answers in the survey about a degree in physics given up for art. 

Lexa promised that she wouldn’t have looked at Clarke’s Instagram if Clarke hadn’t requested her first. She wasn’t someone who lurked, or at least she thought she wasn’t. She didn’t want to be someone who snuck around, digging through someone’s past, analyzing every filter and caption like a private investigator. But then Clarke appeared. 

And there were pictures of Clarke with friends getting drinks on a rooftop. And then the one with her laughing and baking. Or the Christmas party where she was on a corporate Santa’s lap, smiling so wide her eyes were shut. Despite herself Lexa found herself smiling along with the girl in the pictures. The one who went hiking with a pack of dogs, and the one who seemed to always be eating something. The one who had a lot of friends and enjoyed making them smile and laugh. The girl who posted storie about her morning run, and the girl who seemed to have a healthy work life balance. 

Lexa closed the webpages and stared at her inventory for exactly two seconds before curiosity won again and Lexa started looking at Costia’s account. There were the standard pictures of her pre-wedding planning. There was Costia working out. There was her new bride-to-be, happy and smiling at a gift for her birthday. 

And then a throwback that made Lexa’s stomach drop as she stared at a familiar image of Costia smiling in a bikini on a beach. It was from the last trip they took. Lexa was the one behind the camera. 

Three weeks after that picture was taken, Lexa walked in on Costia and a girl in the middle of the afternoon. Right in their own bed. Only to then discover it’d been going on for months. And it wasn’t the first. And then, Lexa didn’t remember much except that she moved into the apartment above her coffee shop and woke up one morning alone on sheets that weren’t familiar, in a room full of boxes. 

It seemed even more difficult to start inventory after that shot to the gut. 

But her phone went off, and Lexa leaned back in her chair after shutting the laptop again, wondering if that sinking feeling ever went away when it came to someone you love, or loved, or once loved, even for a moment. She didn’t have anything to compare it to, and she didn’t have any idea what love really was. 

It felt like a deep wound was scratched open, the scab pulled back, and a burning numbness gnawing at the bottom of her spine. It felt like it would swallow her whole, and Lexa hated, more than anything, giving anyone the power to do anything as such over her. 

Hey! Do you think this will go with your outfit?

An image came next, of Clarke in a dressing room wearing a very pretty dress, with very messy hair with her tongue sticking out. Lexa didn’t notice the gnawing feeling disappear. 

We don’t have to match completely. 

We do! Don’t you know how to date?

Not really. 

Another picture of another dress came a moment later. Clarke was pretty. She was happy and silly and kind. It felt oddly normal, for as crazy as the whole scheme actually was. 

I like that one, Lexa wrote, making sure to add a heart-eyed emoji to emphasize her point. Maybe that was flirting. Maybe she was allowed. She definitely needed more rules. 

Good, I do too. It matches your tie, you know? And these heels will still leave you a little taller than me. 

Sounds good to me!

Kind of excited. I guess I’ll see you at the airport tomorrow. 

I’ll be the one at the bar. 

I’ve heard it’s possible to find your soulmate at the airport. Something about the crossing of paths and time and space. 

If my soulmate is a bottle of wine, then I reckon I might. 

A love story for the ages. 

Lexa smiled once more at her phone before tossing it to the side and letting her head drop to the desk. With a groan she growled into her hands and broke it down. She just needed to make it seventy-two hours. That was it. She could sleep for about twenty of those. She could drink for another twenty or more, if she really tried. 

But this was it. This was the end. 

And regardless of the weight of everything else, there was something satisfying about knowing it was almost over. 

XXXXXXXXXX

The airport was absolutely teaming with bodies and people, weaving their way through the swelling crowds, loading and unloading the terminals at a constant, steady thumping rate, so regular one could set a watch to the heartbeat of the building. 

Clarke adjusted her bag on her shoulder and tapped the ticket against her thigh as she moved through the security line. The nerves were coming for some reason. That was why she was at the airport three hours before the flight. She was anxious and needed a stiff drink and a few moments to catch her breath. She needed to escape the whirlwind she’d allowed herself to create. 

Carefully, she made her way through the airport, checking the boards and finding her way to a seat in the empty waiting room. Not even an attendant waited at the kiosk. 

Once again, she let herself awkwardly scroll on her phone, learning everything she could about her future date and weekend plans. 

Lexa was nearly non-existent online. She didn’t have any pictures of herself. She rarely posted anything on her personal account, and when she did, it was just a book or a coffee or from a trip. She wasn’t one to enjoy being the center of attention, but when it came to her shop, she made sure to post almost daily, highlighting her employees and their recommendations, she made share to highlight events, she made sure to be as active as possible. 

Anya had already warned Clarke that her sister was devoted to her work. She’d poured all of her effort into being successful and part of the community, and Clarke admired it, she just wished that there was more for her to see. 

And so, once more, she flipped back to the long line of questions they’d filled out before giving up and gazing out the window at the planes coming and going. 

For a moment, she allowed herself to think that she was doing something nice and good. It was an act of charity. It was the shake up Clarke needed and was selfishly trying to package as benevolent. 

“You beat me, and I’m usually the first one here for a flight,” Lexa observed, walking up to Clarke, stealing her from her reverie. 

“I like airports. Just waiting for true love to stroll up and introduce themselves.”

Lexa shoved her hands in her pockets, her bag balanced on her shoulder as she cautiously looked around, surveying the empty terminal slowly. Clarke watched her look around, smiled at the innocence of it. Enjoyed the way she ran her hand through her hair, mussing it up a bit and tossing it to another side. 

“No one likes airports,” Lexa shook her head before taking the seat beside her. 

“I do. They’re romantic.” 

“Romantic?” 

“You can get onto a plane, and a few hours later, you’re hundred of miles away, and it’s different weather, and it’s a different time zone. You can go to sleep in a different state. How can you not be romantic about that.”

“It’s a tin can filled with recycle air.” 

“But there are peanuts.” 

That did it. Lexa cracked a smile to herself and relaxed a little. 

“I was going to be the first one here. Surprise you with coffee, but you beat me to it.” 

“You are quite a good girlfriend. Someone clearly trained you well.” 

Lexa shook her head, somewhat bashful, somewhat reserved. There was always something right there, just below the surface, obfuscated by a kind of resolve to never give anything away, not at any price. Clarke read it between words in their texts and emails, a glaring finality in the simple pixel of a period. 

“Can I get you a coffee? Two creams, two sugar right?”

“You don’t have to--”

“It’s early and I’m trying to be charming. Allow me to somewhat repay you for this whole endeavour.”

“Sounds good. Thanks, darling.” 

With the term of endearment, Lexa nodded, grinning into her chest as she stood and made her way across the terminal in search of sustenance. Clarke watched her take out her phone, texting her sister no doubt. 

Once more, Clarke resumed the digging on her own, scrolling on her own phone at old pictures on Lexa’s profile. She was ready for fun, and she was ready to crack at that facade. 

“I don’t know if this will help,” Lexa sighed as she sat down. “I didn’t sleep a wink last night.” 

“Oh this won’t be good for me either,” Clarke said as she took a sip. “I’m a fairly nervous flyer.”

“And yet you let me get us both coffee.” 

“You made a good point, and I’m prepared to be paid back all weekend.” 

With another grin, Lexa leaned back, her arm going on the back of the chair that Clarke inhabited, naturally, with ease, with a level of comfort. 

“Are you ready to tell me the story?” 

“Which one is that?” Clarke turned to look at her date, returned from an absent moment. 

“How we met.” 

“How we met,” she nodded, her smile bordering on mischievous. “That’s simple. Don’t you remember? It was a very blustery Tuesday, and I was trying to escape the wind and rain. I almost tripped coming into your coffee shop, but you happened to be sweeping, and were kind enough to catch me.”

“You’re severely overestimating my reflexes.” 

“Fine. I ran you over and we both ended up on our asses in the middle of the coffee shop. Coffee everywhere.” 

“Sounds pretty likely.” 

“And I knew right there, I was hooked. Those eyes, all angry and annoyed at me for not looking where I was going, despite my persistent defense that I’d been assaulted by the weather.” 

“Why do I have to be the angry one?” 

“Wouldn’t you be though?” Clarke returned, daring her to be contradicted.

“Maybe,” Lexa agreed over the lid of her cup, fretting with it nervously. 

“So I crashed into you, and you bought be a coffee. I turned up every day after that until I finally asked you out. You took longer than I would have liked to answer me, but I accepted it anyway, and we’ve been madly in love ever since.” 

“And when was this?” 

“About eight months ago.” 

“How’s it going so far?” 

“Splendidly. I’ve already met your sister, who it happens that I work with, which is super convenient for everyone.” 

Quietly, Lexa sat there, going over the story, going over all of the past eight months of apparent bliss in her head. Clarke watched her furrow before softening, her eyes not seeing, but rather looking through the window as a plane took off and another landed. The softening of her features was soon met with a perplexion, a slight, gentle contortion of the brow and the lips, a tightening as a kind of confusion overtook the ease of the entire story. 

“Is it that easy?” Lexa asked quietly, turning her head toward her date. Clarke cocked her head, waiting for more. “Is all of it… just… a wind? Waiting for someone to just ask you out? Is it that easy? Does that happen to people?” 

“It can. How does anything happen in the world? It just… does. The universe is just a series of things happening, all of the time, right?”

“But is it that easy?”

To her credit, Clarke thought about it. She flexed her jaw and took a deep breath before slowing letting it go as she wondered if it really was. 

“I don’t know. Maybe it can be.” 

“How?”

“I guess there has to be a balance to making things happen and letting things happen.” 

“I don’t know if I’m good at either of those things,” Lexa confessed. She sat up straighter a moment later, afraid of her honesty, and surprised more by how easily it came out. 

“I think you can be.”

“That’s probably too kind.” 

“We’ll see.” 

Clarke rubbed Lexa’s shoulder, rubbed the middle of her back between her shoulder blades until she reached the collar of her shirt, where she massaged her neck. She tensed before relaxing, and Clarke didn’t stop, just rubbed there gently, slowly until she knew it was enough and she trailed her palm back toward the seat. 

It was right there, they just didn’t know it.

[lilchibi-chan]

ushijima with a black fem reader with extra fluff and a little nsfw pretty please😌❤️

Ask and you shall receive ☺️

Ushijima x Black Fem Reader

As requested, lotsa fluff, lil NSFW. 18+ PLEASE

Today wasn’t your best. For one, you felt dizzy and nauseous and didn’t know why. You assumed it was stress because you haven’t been as organized as of late, you forgot all about your paper for your literature class and your room was a bit of mess. You decided to stay home since your paper is due today and you weren’t feeling your best. You had already informed your professors that you wouldn’t be coming in.

Your phone started ringing, so you look at the caller ID. It was Ushijima. You answer the phone.

“Hi Honey,” he says with his deep voice coming from the other side

“Hey bibi,” you say with a not-feeling-well tone in your voice

“Are you alright?” He asks concerned

“Yeah, just really stressed...my body is starting to feel it now. I’m nauseous and dizzy and I just wanna lay down, but I have a LIT paper due today and I completely forgot. My room is a mess-”

“Calm down, hun,” he says sensing your being overwhelmed on his end

You take a deep breath and feel a lump has formed in your throat, as if you’re about to cry.

“I can come over right after school lets out.”

“Babe, no, you have practice today... I can’t- I won’t let you. You have a commitment to your team.” You say not wanting to feel like a burden. You knew how he felt about volleyball and how important it was to him.

He practiced everyday and it was hard enough to see you as it was, but you didn’t wanna pull him away from his team.

Practice was actually canceled today, which you didn’t know about. Ushijima decided to go to the convenience store and get your favorite snacks.

He made it to your house and you opened the door in shock.

“Ushi?! Wha-what’re you doing here,” you ask happy but still very shocked

“Can’t a boyfriend see his significant other when they’re having a bad day”

“Y-yeah, but practi-,” you say sadly before he cut you off

“Don’t worry about it, honey,” he says in a reassuring tone

“Did you finish your essay”

“Yeah, I was able to email it. I got my room clean too,” you say proud of yourself

“Are you feeling better now”

“Yeah, I took a nap before I started cleaning and felt much better, I guess I just had to take a breather. I know I over react a lot.”

“Hey, don’t do that. Don’t punish yourself. Everyone has times when they get overwhelmed. It’s part of being human.”

“Thanks babe.”

“May I have a proper hello now?”

“Of course,”you say with laughter in your voice

He pulls you into him and massages the back of your head as he hugs you. He kisses your forehead, then kisses your lips.

You both finally leave the foyer of your house and enter the kitchen.

“Are you hungry or thirsty?” You ask him

“No, I’m alright...oh that reminds me, here,” he says handing you the bag of snacks

“Babyyyy, you didn’t have to.. honestly,” you say happy

“I wanted to. You were having a bad day, so... I wanted to make it better.”

You both head to your room. You turn the tv on and go to the Netflix app to pick a movie to watch.

You join him on your bed after you pick something and you’re about to lay down, until he stops you.

“Do you need your head tie or bonnet?” He asks concerned

“No,” you laugh at how sweet he was

He lets you lay down and you cuddle with your back to the front of his body. He puts an arm over you and pulls you even closer to him. He snuggled into the crook of your neck and fell asleep.

His small snores filled the room as well as the movie, which at this point became background noise as you admired your boyfriend as he slept.

You stroked his hair as he slept and he moved more into you, as if that was even possible.

An hour into the movie, you start to feel his lips go down your neck, leaving a trail of kisses. He makes his way to your sensitive spot and sucks at the skin, releasing a moan from you in response. You turn, so that you’re on your back. He starts to kiss your lips then goes back to neck, then continues down your chest.

He gets up from the laying down position he was in, so that he could be on top of you. He starts making out with you, hungrily, like he’s been waiting for the moment to take his prey.

After a couple minutes, he pulls away and stares at you. Admiring your brown skin and brown eyes. You always believed your eye color was so basic, but he thought everything about you was beautiful and enchanting. He thought your eyes were alluring and exotic, filled with mystery. A mystery he wanted to solve.

“Are.. you.. okay?” He asks still concerned about your health from before

You simply nod, biting your lip

“Good...that’s good,” he says before going back to what he was doing, this time sliding your leg up, so he could caress the skin leading from your butt to your thigh and vice versa.

He started grinding into you, so that you could feel his growing erection.

You moan in his mouth and he gets a little greedier. His had slides down your shorts and he started palming you through your underwear.

You start to moan.

“Ohhhhh Honey,” he says in a low, groggy tone,“you’re so ready for me,” he says even lower

He starts to finger you until you can’t take it anymore and start begging for him to be inside you.

“P-please Ushi... I can’t take it anymore.”

“I’m sorry, honey, but I wanna feel you cum on my fingers,” he says in your ear

Hearing this leaves you in shock, but brings you closer to your edge as the tone of his voice heightens your arousal.

“C’mon honey... that’s it... cum for me,” he says huskier now, greedy for you to have your sweet release.

You finally reach your climax and it drips down his fingers. He cleans them up with his tongue.

“So sweet,” he says with a small chuckle

He gets up and kisses you all over your face.

“I’ll go run a bath for you,” he says before leaving your room, heading to the bathroom

Once he was finished, he came to your room and carried you bridal style to the bathroom. He lets you get undressed and enjoy your bath. He head back to your room and noticed the carpet in your room could use a vacuuming, so that’s what he did.

He also decided to put fresh sheets and a comforter on your bed because he knew you love the feeling of new sheets after a bath. He took your old sheets and put them in the washing machine.

When you enter your room, you notice Ushijima sitting on the floor.

“Enjoy your bath?” He asks in a smug tone

“Babe, what’s all this?” You ask plesantly surprised

“I decided to vacuum your carpet and change your sheets. I know you love new sheets after a bath and yours were due for a change.”

“Thank you, bibi,” you say in a cute, small voice

You tackle him and kiss him all over his face, as he had done to you.

You both spend the rest of night together, cuddling and talking about anything and everything.

Although he’s very stoic and serious, I feel like he would be actually sweet and attentive in a relationship and only share that side of himself with his significant other, like I’ve seen a few other people say. Really just a soft boi with an intimidating exterior.

Hope you enjoyed 🌸

[liv-laugh-die]

||Admiring|| 💖Miya Osamu x Gn!reader

trope: strangers meeting in the park (ik its random bear with me😭)

warnings: its not proofread all the way through (im sorry im tired), so theres probably grammatical errors or typos but other than that none

genre: fluff pretty much just sappy stuff

pairing/s: osamu x gn!reader

wc: about 2.5k

a/n: oh my god idk where i came up with this but i think its cute so :p i hope you enjoy!!

You stared at your blank computer screen, hope of finishing your assignment before its due date at midnight slowly vanishing. 

     The clock on your desk read 11:27pm, the green lines wavering in your vision as your eyes slowly drooped, trying to drag you into the depths of slumber. You wanted to sleep, you really did, but you knew there was no way you could give up writing your essay, even now, knowing you weren’t going to submit it on time, because you would stress too much about it if you didn’t at least try to complete it before the due date. 

     Pushing yourself away from your desk, your chair squeaking against the floor ever so slightly in your dead silent dorm room, you tried to think of some excuse that your professor might believe. You doubted there was anything you could think of, but hey, your professor was better than what your roommates’ had mentioned theirs being, and you were grateful for that. Maybe you could tell him that you were exhausted from working extra hours at your job since you had had to cover your coworker’s shift and that’s why you couldn’t complete your essay on time? Or, maybe you could get away with a simple “I was lacking interest in the material, and couldn’t understand anything, and I didn’t ask for help because I knew that you are such a busy man trying to do so many things at once. Another hopeless near college drop-out wasn’t something I thought you needed on your hands.”

     ....Maybe not the latter.

    You sighed, running a hand through your tangled hair, practically feeling it screaming at you to wash it. You barely had time in the mornings to take showers anymore, and when you took them at night, you never had the strength to wash your hair, always knowing that putting a hat on overtop or throwing on your hoodie would make it seem fine on the outside, and that was good enough for you. As long as you looked at least decent and somewhat presentable.

    Your dorm room was fairly small, like every other one, but the lack of furniture made it seem larger than the rest. Nothing more than you and your roommate’s joint desk, the mini fridge in the corner, and the beds filled the space. You almost tripped over your backpack lying next to the bunk bed pushed up against the wall, falling to what would’ve been inches away from your roommate’s sleeping body.

    In an attempt not to disturb them, you tiptoed through the room, stepping over the occasional heap of clothes or homework, until you reached the bathroom. You fumbled over the door knob before almost tumbling into the small space. Glancing in the mirror, you didn’t fail to notice your messy hair, the dark circles tracing beneath your eyes, or the way you looked like you were seconds away from passing out. The sound of running water rang in your ears as you turned on the sink faucet, cupping your hands together and bringing your face down to meet them, rubbing the cold water all over you in an attempt to keep you awake for just a few moments longer.

     Your eyes returned back to the mirror as you sighed at your dripping wet face. There was no way possible you were going to finish your assignment on time. You knew it, your roommate knew it before they passed out, and you had noticed your professor’s wary glance this morning in class as a sign that he knew it too.

     An idea sprang into your head, part of you dreading the optimism that seemed to seep through your brain slowly. You didn’t feel like being energetic right now.

---an hour later---

You weren’t exactly sure how, when, or why you decided it would be a good idea to take a shower (you did end up washing your hair, thank god), get your things together in your bag, and head to the off-campus coffee shop (since the one on-campus had already closed), but you found yourself with a warm cup of coffee in hand as you exited the shop, the cold midnight air enveloping you in an unwelcome embrace.

     You shivered. The only thing your spontaneous brain had forgotten had to have been your jacket, the one thing your normal brain would’ve remembered if it weren’t already past midnight and if you weren’t majorly sleep-deprived.

     You most certainly weren’t done with your essay yet, nor was there any possible way for you to finish it on time since it was now approximately thirteen minutes past the due time, but you let yourself breathe for now.

     There weren’t many people out at this hour, and it made the usual busy city streets seemed like a ghost town. There were a few restaurants still open as you strolled along the sidewalk, their lights responsible for illuminating more than half the area in front of you. You passed by an onigiri shop your friend had recommended to you, but you just weren’t that hungry. Most nights, you’d kill for a midnight snack, but your single shot of espresso coffee was satisfying your needs for now.

     You decided to head to the park after seeing a rabbit hop its way across the vacant street and into the bushes in that direction. The fresh air was nice and cool against your dry and croaky lungs, and your ears needed a different sound than that of you miserably attempting to touch type quickly, your fingers rapping against the keyboard with vigor.

     A stream nearby flowed softly, the dripping of the water against the rocks complimenting the noise of the crickets chirping in sync just downstream. Your footsteps cut through the grass slowly, not bothering to follow the stone path. The park was a nice change of scenery. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been here by yourself in peace, it was always you and your rambunctious friends who ran through every now and then just to see the dogs running through the sprinklers, or the occasional poor cat whose owner dragged them out into the daylight for exercise. This was peaceful, though, and you appreciated that.

     A few more rabbits crossed your path, giving you that wide-eyed, side glance before darting off into the darkness, outside the reach of the lampposts emitting light. The sound of the stream soon faded out as you continued to walk through the park, sipping your coffee every so often. The warmth from your cup was soon dying out, and you figured you’d have to start walking back to your university sooner or later. Maybe you could crash at your friend’s house who lived just off campus, though you had forgotten your phone back at your dorm and had no alarm, no laptop to complete your work, and no contact with anyone else who might worry where you’d be. You had really no choice but to trek back to your dorm in the darkness, cutting your peaceful visit to the park short.

     You let yourself have a few more minutes of stress free relaxing as you sat down on a bench just before the ground let out into a downhill slope overlooking the rest of the city below. The trees around you swayed in the breeze, and for a moment, you thought it was the wind talking, and not an actual human being who had somehow made his way beside you without gathering your attention.

     “Didn’t think anyone else would be up at this hour,” the stranger mumbled. You glanced up, almost startled that, indeed, someone else was actually awake and strolling through the park.

     The boy couldn’t have been much older than you were, maybe the same age. He had his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, the wind tousled his dark hair ever so slightly, and the moonlight played along, illuminating his face just so you could actually see how gorgeous he was.

     You cleared your throat, averting your eyes back to the ground as you shifted over, creating more space on the bench in case he wanted to sit down beside you. “I decided to actually take care of myself for once and give myself some time to breathe before facing the wrath of my professor tomorrow when he finds out I didn’t turn in my essay on time.” You let out a low, breathy chuckle, not exactly sure of what would happen next.

     The guy sat down on the bench next to you, though he made sure to give you some personal space, which you were grateful for. He laughed along with you a bit, and you could tell just from his tone just how tired he really was.

     You gave him a side glance, raising an eyebrow. “So, what the stressful thing that brought you here in the middle of the night?”

     He smiled half-heartedly, eyes trained on the moon. “Work stuff. Jus’ been busy, I guess.” He shrugged. 

     You waited for him to continue on, but he stayed silent. You didn’t complain, though. Wasn’t your whole reason for coming out here in the dead of the night for some quiet? Plus, it wasn’t awkward either. You were comfortable sitting next to this stranger.

     “What do you do for work?” You waited a little longer than necessary to ask, but he didn’t seem to mind the long pause.

     “I own a restaurant a few blocks away. I love the job, it’s just tiring havin’ to deal with rude customers like my brother who won’t get the hint and get out sometimes. I got into an argument with him earlier today and he just wouldn’t shut it.” He rolled his eyes and took his hands out of his pockets, making eye contact with you as he went on about his day, and you couldn’t help but smile at his passion. “The guy thinks he can just walk in when I’m working with a new employee and just act like he runs the place! Quite stupid if you ask me. Such a jerk, he is. Thinkin’ about just banning him from the place, really.” 

     You snorted. “He really bugs you that much, huh?”

     The guy smirked at your laugh, admiring it, though you would never had guess that was what flashed across his face in a million years. He nodded. “Yeah, ‘course I love ‘im ‘cause he’s my twin and my best friend, but he really knows how to annoy the hell outta me.” He shrugged. “Maybe I’ll just get a sign in the window that says “no shirt, no shoes, no service” and cross it out and write my brother’s name instead,” he reasoned, and the pondering look in his eyes made you wonder if he was actually considering the idea.

     You smiled. “You’re funny.”

     “You say that like ya weren’t expectin’ it.”

     A laugh made its way out your lips. “Well, when you’re approached by a stranger in the middle of the night you sort of expect the worst.”

     The guy glanced off in the distance, away from you, furrowing his eyebrows. “Sorry, didn’t think of that comin’ off that way.” He shrugged a shoulder. “Guess it’s a good thing I’m funny then, and not some creep, eh?”

     You nodded, the smile on your face not fading as he changed topics.

     “So, what’s your essay on? Any way I can help ya finish it?”

     You shook your head dismissively. “Oh, no. It was due thirty minutes ago.” You quickly explained the topic you were writing about in class before getting side tracked. “My professor had said he would allow it to be turned in the next morning, but I doubt he actually meant it.”

     He smiled a wide grin, making butterflies flutter in your stomach. “You go to the university nearby, right?” 

     You nodded in confirmation, raising an eyebrow. “If I’ve got any luck, there’s a chance you go there too?”

     He laughed a little, shaking his head. “Nah, I don’t, sorry. I’ve visited campus a few times because some of my friends go there, but I just usually focus on work.”

     His gaze was tilted upwards towards the sky, and you couldn’t help but admire how the exhaustion still shone in his eyes, but somehow that same passion gleamed there too just mentioning what he did for a living. You wished you were that passionate about something that would actually support you financially in the future and make you happy.

     When he glanced back at you, you were still taking his essence in, and he made a look of confusion. “What?”

    You shook your head, chuckling. “Nothing. I just admire that you can dedicate yourself to something and make it seem so easy.” He looked at you, interested to hear what you had to say, even though you were sure you couldn’t be the first person to tell him this. “I haven’t even known you for more than ten minutes and I can already tell you’re passionate about what you do and if you’re stressed about it, it must mean you’re dedicated to seeing your work through, and that’s more than enough to admire and appreciate, especially when that can be so difficult sometimes.” You finished your short tangent, looking back up at him to see him staring intently at you, seemingly in awe of what you’d just said. You felt a blush creep onto your face as you quickly blurted out, “Sorry- I didn’t mean to be so straightforward and weird like that- I sound like some crazy secret admirer or something...”

     The crickets chirped in the silence between the two of you, and it felt like it would never end.

     “Y’know, I wouldn’t mind havin’ a secret admirer. I mean, wouldn’t be so secret, but...” You saw the smile creep up onto his face. “It’s nice being appreciated. Nobody really tells me that kind o’ stuff, so... thanks, I guess.” 

     The heat on your cheeks didn’t go away by any means, but you grew more comfortable with it as you mumbled, “Maybe I wouldn’t mind admiring you.”

     Now, it was the boy’s turn to blush, and you smiled at how his cheeks grew redder with every passing second, and how his subtle grin spoke a thousand words he didn’t need to say.

     “Miya Osamu.” The boy’s hand came into your view as he extended it for you to shake. “I own Onigiri Miya across from the grocery outlet.”

     You smirked, grasping his hand in yours as you said, “L/N Y/N. I own an official license for being a horrible driver and an ID that proves I’m a sleep-deprived college student and that’s about it.”

     He laughed, shaking your hand and standing up, letting go too soon for your liking.

     Because for some weird reason, his hand felt right in yours.

     Osamu said a quick goodbye, mentioning something about how he should get going and how you should get some sleep before he disappeared down the stone path back into the darkness.

     You stood up not too long after he’d left, your coffee now entirely cold as you plopped the half full cup into the trash can on your walk back to your dorm, not needing the pathetic warmth anymore. Your heart was beating fast and the feeling of Osamu’s hand resting in yours lingered on your palm, and that kept you warm enough.

     Maybe you’d be visiting that onigiri place your friend recommended to you a little sooner than you’d originally planned, and maybe more often than you would’ve expected.