#I had this sitting around for a while and never posted it. not that it matters

[kruegerspillow]

teaching simon riley anatomy of his own dick !!

MINORS DNI, NSFW BELOW THE CUT ᯓ ᡣ𐭩

Simon Riley is used to danger.

He’s trained in torture resistance, knows half a dozen ways to kill with household items, has faced down death in more countries than you’ve had birthdays. But right now, sitting shirtless on the edge of your bed, legs spread and brows knit together while you kneel between them with that look on your face—

He’s suspicious. Immediately.

“…What’re ya up to?” His accent is flat, suspicious, but there’s a twitch in the corner of his mouth that betrays amusement.

You shrug innocently. Place one hand lightly on his bare thigh. He doesn’t flinch, but you feel the muscle shift under your touch.

“Gonna teach you somethin’,” you say sweetly.

He narrows his eyes.

“Don’t need any lessons, love. Think I’ve got the basics down.”

You raise a brow. Reach for his boxers.

Simon freezes.

“…You’re joking.”

You don’t answer. You just pull them down.

His cock—thick, flushed, intimidating—is half-hard already. He sits there, trying so hard not to react, though his jaw clenches and his eyes fluttered shut.

But the pink at the tips of his ears?

Dead giveaway.

You rest your hand at the base of his cock, light, nonchalant, and grin up at him.

“Alright, Mr. Riley. Let’s begin.”

He breathes in through his nose. Controlled.

“I swear to God—”

“Here we have the glans,” you say, as if delivering a lecture to a university class. “Also known as the tip. Extra sensitive. Tons of nerve endings. Real good for, you know—”

You flick your thumb gently over the slit.

Simon grunts.

You look up at him. Innocent. “Stimulation.”

He says nothing.

His jaw is tight, hands gripping his thighs, as if he was restraining himself from taking over this lesson. He wanted to. Wanted to

But right now?

He lets you teach.

“This—” you wrap your hand around the shaft, slowly stroking from base to head “—is the corpus cavernosum. Two spongy chambers that fill with blood to form the erection.”

He stares at you.

“I know what an erection is,” he mutters, flustered now.

“Mm. I’m giving you a refresher.”

You stroke again. He sucks in a breath.

Then, quietly—“You’re gonna be the fuckin’ death of me.”

“Maybe. But you’ll die educated.”

He laughs—low, dark—chest rumbling under the scar-laced skin. His head tips back just slightly, lips parted as your hand works him with maddening slowness. Precise. Like you’re the trained marksman and his body is your target.

And it’s working.

He’s rock hard now, the flush spreading down his chest to his abs. His cock is heavy in your palm, leaking, twitching every time your thumb presses just under the head.

You lean in close and lick a stripe up the underside.

Simon groans—hands flying up to fist the sheets behind him.

“And this,” you say, licking your lips, “is your frenulum. Tight little band under the glans. One of the most sensitive points on your dick.”

He exhales through his teeth, muttering something filthy under his breath.

“Fuckin’ hell—where’d ya learn all this?”

You smile sweetly. “A chef never reveals his recipe.”

Simon chokes.

You laugh. Press a kiss to the tip of his cock, just to watch him shudder.

He looks down at you, eyes dark, pupils blown, teeth clenched.

“You’re enjoying this,” he grunts.

“A little.”

“You’re cruel.”

“And you’re hard as hell.”

He shakes his head, breath hitching as your mouth finally envelops the head—soft, warm, slow. But just before he can buck his hips, just before he lets that groan escape his throat—

You pull off.

He actually whimpers.

You blink up at him, all wide-eyed innocence. “Would you like a pop quiz, Lieutenant Riley?”

Simon exhales. Laughs once. Dark and wrecked.

“You keep this up, love, and 'm flipping ya over the bed. You’ll feel every anatomical structure you just described.” He murmured, half-warning and half-threat.

You hum, licking your lips.

“Mm. Tactile learning.”

He scoffs.

And then?

He does flip you.

kruegerspillow © 2025 ➵ do not feed my work into ai, repost or translate my work to post it around. Reblogs are much appreciated ୨ৎ

[n0rmal-cat]

Kpop demon hunters x reader- selling your soul for job experience Part 2

[i wrote more but a friend said to cut it off here and save the rest for part 3 which ill post tomorrow]

part 1

They made a deal for their soul, they made a deal for their soul-

How did this mess even happen? And why on earth did they sell their souls in exchange for babysitting five idiots?! 

Apparently, they were meant to be the manager, but considering they could barely manage their own life, the thought of doing it for this bunch seems unlikely.

“So what exactly do you need me to do?” reader stood in front of the biggest couch they had ever seen, it was definitely bigger than their old apartment that's for sure. "You guys need like some water or snacks?"

"Water," the mint one raised his hand. He held a water bottle in his hand, but reader just guessed he was a really thirsty guy.

“Listen, whatever your name is,” the one with black hair said, casually nudging them with a hand on their back. “You don’t have to do anything-why don't you sit back and enjoy the ride?” a playful smile on his face.

“But I thought I was supposed to-“

“Don’t worry about Jinu,” the pink-haired one waved dismissively. “He’s just a little flustered after Gwi-ma asked you to be our manager. Why don’t you come sit by us? We’ll keep you company,” he beckoned, patting the seat beside him with a warm smile.

“Weren't you the one who said you wanted to eat my soul while I slept?” They pointed a finger at him, confused knitting their brow.

He chuckled, a hint of mischief in his eyes. “Guilty~”

Jinu let out a sigh. He grabbed reader 's chin with his claws, "Please, dear, won't you let me take the reins? I’ll buy you some food, huh, that’s what everyone wants, hm, a cute boy buying you food.”

Reader looks into his face strangely, “ya what?” 

He tried to smirk again, seemingly trying to look flirtatious but failing miserably.

“Ahg, never mind, we need to figure out our stage names,” Jinu said, pulling his Playboy mask off. “Ah, Mystery, Abs, Romance, and Baby!” he said to each of them respectively.

Mystery shrugged in nonchalance, Abs wore a puzzled expression, Romance beamed with enthusiasm, and Baby simply sipped on water, unimpressed by the unfolding drama.

“Stage name? Wait, what exactly are you guys doing? What am I the manager of” reader asked.

‘Ab’s’ leaped to his feet. “Oh! We’re a ‘demon idol group’ Jinu’s plan is brilliant! Just listen, we’ll become the biggest group out there, steal all the hunters fans, and then throw an epic feast!”

And of course now they knew that 'feast' meant eating half the population's souls, I mean, hey, at least that didn't include them since they didn't really have a soul anymore...

“The hunters? There are demon hunters, are they like YouTuber ghost hunters?”  This whole thing was just confusing reader even more than it already was.

“Please stop,” he rubbed his forehead. “Look, are we all ok with our names?” he looked around the room, annoyed.

Mystery shrugged, “It's fine…”

“Well, I, for one, absolutely love my name! It perfectly encapsulates everything I am,” Romance beamed, a playful smile lighting up his features. “Yeah, thanks for naming me ‘Baby.’ That’s so creative! Do you want a reward?” he teased, batting his eyes dramatically, which soon turned into a scowl.

“And what about you?” Jinu directed his gaze toward Abs.

“Ah, no, I’m not a fan of my name! Abs isn’t even a good name! Can’t I choose something cool? Like ‘Guns!’” He flexed his arms proudly, showcasing his muscles. Romance clapped his hands in enthusiastic support. “I think ‘abs’ is a cute name! Oh, you could even go by ‘Abby’”

With a wide grin, he wrapped an arm around the reader, radiating happiness. “Haha, yes! Maybe Gwi-ma was right about you!”

Jinu furrowed his eyebrows. "Okay, let’s move on... Our first single, ‘Soda Pop,’ is written! All we need to do now is work on the choreography, and we’ll be set for our debut," he held out papers with the lyrics on them.

Reader quickly skimmed through them. "So, did you mean to write it in a way where it sounds like you want to eat their souls or?"

"Oh no, I very much did, I find it quite funny humans don't know anything." he let out a small laugh.

"Ah..Wait, you don’t want a name?” the reader asked, genuinely curious.

“My name is Jinu,” he replied, confused.

 “No, I mean your stage name! Maybe something like Raven? Because of your hair!” the reader suggested, half-jokingly.

"Oh yeah, I knew that, phh." he clutched the papers in his hands, a darker purple on his face, before walking away slowly. “I’m gonna go…back to my room now, haha bye…bye..”

The room descended into an awkward silence, broken only by Baby's frustrated outburst. “Oh, so he gets to keep his name, but I’m just called Baby?” he spat, irritation evident in his tone.

“Relax, you know Jinu just wants to hold on to everything that makes him human while he still can,” Romance tried to calm Baby.

“Oh, don’t give me that nonsense! What? Do we not want to keep our humanity, too? It feels like we don’t get anything from this shitshow, I want my curse gone to ya know!” Baby shot back, his voice escalating.

“Please, your curse is nothing compared to the rest of ours!” Abby glared, her expression fierce. In a fit of anger, Baby clutched his water bottle so tightly that the top popped open, splashing mystery.

Just like that, a full-blown argument erupted among the four of them, the ground seemed to shake by the sheer volume of them. 

Reader put their arms up to block their face. These guys were gonna have fans? They could barely communicate without starting a fight.

“Hey!” Six angry yellow eyes suddenly glared back at them, fierce and unyielding. “I—” they almost struggled to keep their composure. Were they really going to do this? I mean, they had already agreed to a death wish, so what was the harm?

“Do you guys really think you can maintain a fanbase with those attitudes? You can barely string together two words before one of you starts yelling!” the reader exclaimed.

"And also, how are you even going to be idols, news flash, you guys are purple!" They let out a sigh as they finished.

Baby was the first one to smile. “Well, would you look at that, the manager knows how to manage,” he chuckled letting go of Abby’s hair.

Romance crossed his arms, a frown on his face. "But they’re right. If we go out looking like this, people will definitely stare, but it won’t win us any fans,” he said

“Can’t you guys just disguise yourselves as humans? I mean, we’re in this whole building, right?” Reader gestured dramatically to the apartment.

“That was Gwi-ma’s idea, not ours,” Addy replied, shaking his head. “We can disguise ourselves, sure, but it takes a lot of energy.”

“Especially when dancing,” mystery replied.

Reader glanced between them, a smirk forming as a lightbulb moment clicked. “Well, I mean, you guys are strong demons, aren’t you? Jinu picked you for a reason,” they said, wrapping an arm affectionately around Addy and Romance.

“You’re just as bad at flirting as Jinu,” Abby nodded at Romance's words.

“I’m trying to encourage you…” Reader shot back, forcing the words through clenched teeth.

A moments later and the same pink smoke appeared again this time relieving them in human form.

It was a little rusty, and you would see their patterns or eyes change for a split second, but overall it was good.

“Not bad, actually really good”

The only issue was… “We’re gonna need to do something about those clothes, though. Don’t get me wrong, the matching black outfits are great, but they’re just not… hmm, boy band-y?” Reader put a hand under their chin in thought

“So what do you suggest, oh great manager?” Baby asked rolling his eyes.

“Me? You’re letting me decide on your outfits?” Reader blinked with a mix of surprise and excitement.

“Well, we would have asked Jinu, but he’s not. Here right now.”

“He’s also like four hundred years old,” Romance added with a playful roll of his eyes.

“I would love to help, but I feel like I’d have to hear you guys perform the song first,” Reader said, genuinely excited. Who knew selling your soul could lead to a makeover montage? 

“You heard them let’s go find Jinu!” Abby punched the air. Like a pack of marching ants, they fell in line as they went to find Jinu.

“Jinu, we're pumped up and ready to dance~” Abby half sang.

They stopped at a door marked with a nameplate that read ‘Jinu’. Abby reached for the handle, only to find it locked. “Locked…” The group exchanged a few glances.

“Ha!” Abby kicked the door down.

“What is wrong with you?! You didn’t even knock!” Jinu yelled from his bed at a giant blue thing by his side. “And why do you all look like that?”

“Reader suggested we use these disguises because we’d blend in better, but now we need clothes, and they can't give us any without seeing us perform,” Addy explained, glancing back at Reader.

“We haven’t even practiced our choreography yet? And I was going to dress us, clothes aren’t that hard to understand guys”

“Wrong!” Reader screamed, stepping forward. “Fashion is incredibly complex! There are so many factors to consider when choosing what to wear.” 

With determination shining in their eyes, Reader pushed to the front. “So perform for me so I can help you pick the best outfits possible!” Were they being too much? "Please..."

"Yeah, come on, Jinu, let's go, you're the one with all the musical talent." Romance nudged baby, who rolled his eyes. "Jinu, we're already in these forms, just perform the song with us already."

He got up from his bed, making the blue thing turn alongside him, “Come along, Derpy.”

Romance put a hand to their ear “that’s her you encourage someone” he said whispering.

But reader was focused on something much more important.

A very big cat is the only thing reader could think of as they watch it walk past them. “I need that.”

“What?” one of the boys replied, looking puzzled. “What?”

Finally, Jinu stood before them in his human form, just like the others, they were ready to perform their practice performance.

“Just count down from three, then hit the button,” Jinu instructed.

“Got it, and one, two, three go!” Reader pressed the play button 

Settling down next to Derpy, they found themselves bobbing their head to the hypnotic beat that filled the room. The music was undeniably fun, and the boys' voices were surprisingly harmonious. Well, considering they were demons, it made sense performing was kind of their specialty.

“Wha!” reader had to duck down so they wouldn't get hit by the flying pink heart. Derpy tilted his head slowly.

As the music came to an end, the boys posed in perfect synchronization. “There, do you have everything you need now?” Jinu stepped toward the reader, his brow glistening with sweat, clearly trying to maintain composure despite them all looking like shit.

“Actually, yes! Oh, and you guys can change back now!” The moment the words left their lips, all of them let out a relieved sigh as they morphed back into their original forms.

“Now, how am I going to get these clothes? It’s not like I have any money,” the reader thought aloud. “Does Gwi-ma have a credit card or something?”

Juni wiped the sweat from his forehead and handed them a card, his expression earnest. “I won’t disappoint you!” reader exclaimed, rushing out of the room with determination.

“Gahhh, I need some water,” Baby groaned, doubling over and placing his hands on his knees, clearly feeling the effects of their hard work.

[isagispuzzle]

you wake up to four missed calls and a voice mail from rin. it's been a year since he broke your heart, and eleven months since you last heard anything about him.

the memories flood back when you see his number in your call log—the number you've memorised by heart and the number you couldn't bear to block, so you settled on deleting his contact when the relationship ended. you remember the nights you spent in his arms surrounded by his scent, the unintentional jokes he'd crack, and the obnoxious neon turquoise post-its he'd leave around the house for you to find when he was out of the country for a game.

you remember the knife through your heart when he told you he didn't want to be held back by you any longer.

the voice mail sits heavy on your mind as you go about your day. it beckons your finger to tap on the notification bubble and tempts your ears to listen to what rin had to say at four in the morning, but you resist. it's nothing new to you, resisting every urge in your body to seek him out again, even when you know full well the relationship cannot be salvaged.

a whole twenty four hours after you received the voice mail from rin, your restraint crumbles. you're burrowed under your blanket, your eyes burning slightly at the light from your phone, and your thumb touches your screen before your heart is ready.

your entire body freezes over when it isn't rin's voice you hear. you don't recognise the voice, and the man on the other side of the line didn't seem too familiar with you either.

"hi, uh," the man sounds just as confused as you are. his voice is slightly muffled by the noise in the background, and your brows knit. rin hates parties, especially the ones with pounding music. the man goes on to introduce himself as rin's teammate. "i'm not sure who you are to rin, but i thought i should update you on his whereabouts since you're at the top of his favourited contacts. rin's really drunk and has been trying to call you, as you probably can see already. he's passed out now, though."

the man is interrupted by someone, and despite how long it's been, your ears perk up when you recognise rin's voice among the chatter.

"sorry," the man returns to the phone before you could make out what rin said. "since rin's responding to us now, i'll get his girlfriend to pick him up."

he goes on to say something about rin never mentioning your name before and he apologises if he was being rude to someone important to rin, but you're barely listening. all that registers before the voice mail ends is the man telling you that rin's in the good hands of his girlfriend.

rin's girlfriend, who wasn't holding him back from his football career. rin's girlfriend, who has been seeing him for god knows how long while he's kept your contacts at the top of his favourites.

[itszomo]

ᯓ★ TEACH ME HOW TO SCREAM, BABY ! ⩩ —

ᯓ★. you were just contributing to the trend — you definitely weren’t waiting for your boyfriend’s reaction to it. nope. not at all.

TAGS: 0.9k words, requested!, established relationships, fem/afab!reader, thirst traps, teasing, small bit of jealousy (in jinu’s), some language, references to boners, the saja boys are just down bad for you <3

A/N: my first nonnie request! thank you so much for sending it in sweetie, i absolutely loved it!! <3 i’ll admit i had to do a bit of research (i don’t own tiktok lol) and i hope i did okay on this! thank you so much for reading! <3

TAGLIST: @mysteris-things @haloangelfics — <3

ᯓ★ MYSTERY. ⩩

when mystery sees it, he’s sitting right beside you on your plush couch, scrolling mindlessly as you struggled to pick something to watch.

he almost skipped the tiktok out of instinct — thirst traps popped up on his feed a lot, and he didn’t like viewing them; it just felt disrespectful to you.

but when he realized it was you, he completely froze. his eyes widened as he watched the way your body moved and rolled, at the skin that was exposed by your clothes, at the way your eyes seemed to stare at him straight through the screen —

“is everything alright, babe?” you asked suddenly, and mystery jumped. his throat felt kinda tight, but when he looked at you, that sensation dissipated.

you had a smirk on your lips. you knew. sly little minx, he couldn’t help but think with a small grin.

“more than alright, sweetheart.” he murmured back, placing a palm on your thigh. “though… think you could model this outfit for me? i don’t think the video gives it much justice.”

your little giggle as you took his hand and led him to your room had to quite possibly be the cutest sound he ever heard.

ᯓ★ ABBY. ⩩

abby is floored. quite literally. his feet are stuck to the ground and his eyes are glued to his screen, phone loud as it replays the video over and over.

if he’s getting any stares or rude gestures, he doesn’t realize it.

and if he did realize it — well, he wouldn’t fucking care. to be honest.

your body rocks in time with the music, all dolled up in quite possibly the hottest outfit abby has ever seen. your light makeup tops it off, the colors bringing more attention to your beautiful eyes — fuck, you look so good.

abby’s hands itch with the urge to touch your skin again, even though it had only been less than a day since he did so.

the reason he even came to the store in the first place is completely forgotten — tiktok is closed and he’s ringing you up, walking stiffly to the automatic doors while he inquires about if you’re free or not.

ᯓ★ JINU. ⩩

it’s a complete blindside for jinu — and he doesn’t even find it himself. instead, baby is the one who shows him.

“yo, look at this.” he had drawled, slinging an arm around jinu’s shoulder and practically shoving his phone straight into jinu’s nose.

jinu’s initial reaction was to bat the contraption away, but he froze when he caught sight of a familiar username. your username.

he rips the phone out of baby’s hand and pushes the other male away — but baby still slides up and rests his chin on jinu’s shoulder, eyes glued to the video playing on the screen.

it’s you, alright. with that gorgeous body all wrapped up in tight clothes, beautiful eyes trained seductively on the camera, and smooth movements.

“you reaaally gotta check your phone more, dude.” baby says, voice way too smug. “i’m pretty sure over one hundred thousand other guys have seen this before you. i mean, can’t blame ‘em, right—”

jinu shrugs baby off his shoulder with a growl, and there must have been some sort of violent intent in his eyes, because jinu has never seen baby run so fast before.

ᯓ★ BABY. ⩩

he sees it as he’s lazing in the makeup chair, only a half-hour before a show.

baby doesn’t think much of it when he gets the notification that you posted — in fact, he waits a whole minute before he even taps it open.

and when he does, his jaw absolutely drops. as if your revealing outfit wasn’t enough of a sexy dagger to the dick, you topped it off with sultry body movements and that song.

the makeup artist is getting huffy with him, giving him little slaps on the cheek to draw his attention away from the phone.

but he just can’t stop watching; can’t tear his eyes away from the way your body moves, the way the clothes accentuate all your curves in the best way, the way you give the camera those siren eyes —

“baby! makeup! now!” jinu snaps from a few chairs down, the only thing that can truly get baby to realign himself with the present.

baby clicks off his phone, but not before saving the video and making a mental note to beg you to do that dance in person.

ᯓ★ ROMANCE. ⩩

romance had a strong gut feeling you were going to hop on the trend the second you were exposed to it — and his feeling is confirmed when he opens tiktok one early morning, eyes immediately blessed by your beautiful body and fluid movements.

he can’t help but smirk as he watches; it’s certainly a sultry video, one that he is more than happy to watch and rewatch. but he’s gotta tease you, at least a little. so, he swipes off of tiktok and pulls up your number.

me: is this supposed to get my attention? <link> [6:47am]

the response is almost immediate.

my baby girl: depends. did it work? [6:47am]

romance smirks before casting a glance down at his crotch, which has formed a tent under the blanket. for a moment, he wavers on whether or not to take a shot of it and send it — but he chooses not to, and instead texts,

me: absolutely. i’ll be over in ten. make sure you’re ready, i wanna go out and show you off. [6:48am]

[jbbuckybarnes]

2am in Europe [OP81]

— Oscar Piastri x Fem!Reader —

Author's note: I felt bad doing one for Lan but not one for the Aussie idiot that I'm rooting for the most, so here ya go. Cutie patootie Osc reporting for duty (look at that gif, charged for stealing hearts, effective immediately!)

Warnings: Lots of little time jumps because I'm rusty with writing fiction. No proofreading. Unfortunately shitty formatting because I'm posting from my phone. There are two allusions made to naughty vibes but nothing is named specifically.

Prompt Used: "You woke me up at 2am to cuddle?"

You didn't really expect to end up dating the rich kid you were tutoring in German, but here you were. In the middle of the night, middle of the summer, middle of Monaco. Your sleep cycle was thoroughly fucked from keeping up with his racing schedule during early summer. Two hours past midnight you were usually fast asleep next to your personal white boy of the month, or decade. Not today.

You tossed around for a while, considered just getting your Switch out and play games until you got tired but that didn't really make sense either. Instead you tried to peel Osc's hand from under his head. His face moved to pout. You had to hold back a laugh.

"What..." one of his eyes opened the tiniest bit and you gave him the most helpless look you could.

"Can we cuddle?" He looked at his smartwatch, "You woke me up at 2am to cuddle?"

You shifted your weight, "I can't fall asleep."

He shuffled his body around a bit, "Well, fuck me, I guess you made it a shared problem now."

He held his arms open for you to curl up into.

"That sounds like an accusation." You peeked up at him.

"Well, it was. You can be glad you're cute." He brushed your hair aside.

"I have no idea how you can just sleep on demand no matter the time zone." You whispered.

"It's called working out over an hour every day." He grumbled semi-upset.

"Another accusation covered up as a fact." You pouted at him and got a soft smile back.

"Well, you never work out with me." "I don't like your narrow definition of that." You narrowed your eyes.

"My bad, you're a support role about 10 minutes of every other day." "I'll throw you out of your own bed." "With what strength?"

There was some commotion and then a thud.

"I guess I kinda deserved that one." He blinked still half asleep but also a bit shocked now sitting up on the floor next to the bed.

"Support role, pff." You turned around, arms crossed, lying down, pouting.

"Yeah nah, I'm not taking that back." You grabbed a throw pillow and aced the throw.

"My god, do I live with an assassin?" He got back into bed next to you.

"Say one more rude thing and you'll find out." Your eyebrow rose up. He knew this face, if he didn't chill out with the light bullying now, other things would be thrown, including your entire body and he wasn't in the mood to be bodyslammed at 2am before a work weekend.

"Truce?" "For what? I couldn't sleep and you're bullying me instead of being a good partner."

He blinked at you to scan how serious you meant it before grabbing you and locking you into a tight big spoon hug, "My bad."

His hands softly wandered around your body, no further comment added until he could hear your breathing slow a bit, "You're gonna be the death of me."

—

You wake up with his hands between your back and the mattress and with your hand in his hair. His sleeping face was perfectly positioned on your chest, facing you. You drew circles in his hair with your thumb, watching him sigh with a little smile. This cutie patootie had crashed into a wall at 220kph just two months prior and walked it off. His first reaction after watching you freak out about it to get it out of your system was a casual, "I mean someone has to take care of you until you get old, therefore I can't die."

It was almost infuriating how adorable this idiot was. It was also the only thing keeping you from crashing out at his stupidity some days. The sacrifices you made...

His body shifted a bit, eyes still closed, but his face moved up and got burried in your neck with another sigh of relaxation. His breathing picked up a bit before you felt a soft kiss on your neck.

"Mornin', sleep stealer." He traced his lips across your neck. "You stole your own sleep, bully."

His face came up above you, "I'll just assume I'm gonna have to profusely apologize for that for the next few days."

"Profusely..." You rolled your eyes, that man didn't know how to profusely apologize unless he genuinely fucked up badly, which had happened maybe three times in the years you've known him.

He gave you a grin, "You're cute when you have a bit of an additute."

"You're cute when you're asleep. Y'know, quiet and all that." He chuckled at that, "Do nothing, win."

"That only works when it comes to speaking, if you don't do the dishes today I'll call your mom." He sighed fake annoyed. "Yes, my majesty." Your face lit up at that.

Today was a prep day for the Monaco GP. In other words, you both were preparing to be both bored and surrounded by a lot of fake people. Not that this wasn't already a feature of his job in general.

"You look too fancy in that." "...it's the Monaco Gran Prix, how the fuck is there a too fancy?" He looked at you with an unreadable expression trying to figure out how to answer that in a diplomatic way.

"I don't like when you look that good without me next to you the entire time." He bit the inside of his cheek. You couldn't quite place if he meant that in a protective or possessive way.

"Oh...Well, I mean I'm only gonna hang out on Bre's balcony for most of the weekend anyway." You shrugged.

"And on Sunday?" He got closer, picking a hair off your dress.

"Depends on how bad you make Charles crashout on Saturday." You both smirked at that.

"If get pole and win you'll have to be my +1 for that ball they always invite the winner to." "Anything to see you in a proper suit again." He did that signature laugh that almost sounded like a scoff.

"Wear something less...that, when you're at Bre's and save this one for Sunday, yeah?" He eyed your body. Well, apparently possessive would've been the right guess earlier.

"Damn, a man trying to tell me what I can wear. How about you actually buy me something nicer for Sunday instead?"

"Ok, so, um, I fear the only thing that could top this would be a wedding dress." Your mouth was agape.

"Message received, damn!" You walked over to your closet and looked for a less intense dress for Friday and Saturday.

—

You spent your Friday a bit bored. Free Practice in Monaco was exceptionally boring unless it's your first few times seeing a race. Your man came home when you were already asleep and left before you woke up on Saturday.

On the way to Bre's you always walked past a private entrance to the paddock. This year on Saturday an "I'm watching you gesture" was interchanged with Charles as he entered there with his entourage. The man half laughing at it and half terrified of you. You had only spoken briefly twice before and you tend to come across quite confident apparently.

FP3 from the balcony was uneventful that day, but Qualifying was your little highlight. You watched Leclerc get better and better times each try, the man was keeping you on your toes because Osc was never far behind in his improvements. The last 30 seconds of Q3 felt like an eternity.

Oscar outdoes Charles by a hundredth of a second, confirming a McLaren Monaco curse for Leclerc. You were celebrating with the rest of the people in the apartment for the next hour. If he didn't win tomorrow you were personally gonna blame a race engineer for it or throw something at Charles.

—

You were once again cuddled up in bed together that evening. The fluffy throw blanket was cocooned around you and the TV playing a fireplace was on mute.

"So, I was thinking, maybe you join me tomorrow?" He broke the silence.

"I mean I planned on watching from–" "No, I mean like, actually joining me. Walking in together, watching me from the garage, all that jazz." He looked down at where you were positioned.

"Like...as someone you know or–" "As my partner."

You blinked a couple times at him, long enough for him to add, "You don't have to, I know it's a lot of...everything."

"No, no, I'd love to." You saw him exhale in relief.

"You only win Monaco for the first time once." "If you fuck it up I'll have a bigger crashout than Charles today." He laughed at that.

Before you fell asleep you mumbled, "You better put effort into your outfit for tomorrow morning." "Yes, my feisty majesty." A small kiss landed on your temple.

—

"You good?" He looked at you trying to read your face, you nodded. You had his entourage around you as you entered the paddock hand-in-hand, you in your fancy dress and him in his linen button-up looking like a proper rich kid that went to boarding school. The social media team stayed at a distance today, but taking videos and pictures nonetheless.

"I'll never get why the others never hold hands." You mumbled and heard him chuckle.

"You underestimate how many people in these circles date as business people instead of actual lovers." He squeezed your hand and you smiled at him.

"Well, hello loverboy." That got him blushing a bit.

"I see you're giving the people what they want already." You laughed at that and nodded.

Most of the VIP experience you were already used to since he'd gotten you passes on several occasions, but this time you were dragged into the garage before the race and he handed you his pair of headphones and left you around a ant colony of papaya.

You stood there watching him the way you always did whenever it was race day. Tense. Also rooting for Kimi, who you jokingly referred to as your child whenever you were talking about him to Oscar. Monaco did one thing to these men, made them go insane if they weren't first, especially Charles. You could see the red menace try to battle your man several times, to no avail. You were already ready to hear another crashout media day of everyone asking if they can't just make it a Mariokart race.

The cameras of the F1TV broadcast landed on you, hard to miss among the screens around you that weren't focused on cockpit cameras and metrics. You stayed focused on the screen with your idiot on it, only giving the broadcast screen a short glimpse to see the little "Oscar Piastri's partner" description pop up. That made your heart jump, you couldn't lie.

Of course he won, it's not like it was hard to control possible overtakes. Not too long after you were standing close to the dad of P3, Lando. A visor lifted up while heading your way, smile transfering to the eyes, cheeks squished, gloves thrown to the wayside.

You grabbed the helmet past the two stewards who you knew weren't allowed to move, "Monaco winner, you better enjoy the energy up there."

"Didn't want you to have a crashout of Charles proportions." He opened the connecting pieces under his helmet and pushed it up, almost throwing it on the floor, the balaclava following it, before grabbing your face back with both of his hands and giving you a kiss.

"Unexpected." You laughed a little perplexed. "Well, now that I can." He shrugged with his boyish signature smile before walking off to the typical next proceedings.

*1st Monaco win for my Y/N. Deserved for putting up with my work schedule.* Was written on the champagne bottle, the picture sent to you not too long after. Perhaps there was a tear in your eye about it, but who's to tell? You watched him soak in the energy of winning this fabled race on the top step of the podium. After that, all the media and the team losing their shit right after you finally had him with you again. Absolutely drenched in champagne for you don't know if it was the 2nd or 3rd time that day, looking at you with a golden retriever energy of a thousand suns.

"Go shower, we have a ball to be at later." You winked at him before he grabbed your face with both hands for a quick kiss. Your face changed at the taste of champagne, not your favorite for sure, making you both laugh.

"I already know those comments will be WILD today." You shook your head smiling at how willingly he was showing his love for you.

"They're still on the I don't have emotions narrative as if every F2 video of me doesn't exist." He shrugged before grabbing your hand, walking with you towards the building to take probably his second shower post-race.

—

"Oh boy." You muttered seeing him in his entirely new suit and he looked up at you with a slightly raised brow.

"I see what you meant about my dress." Now he had a smirk on his face while fixing his suit jacket in front of you.

"Too bad we actually have places to be." He said walking past you to grab his perfume. You giggled at that. He had a little self-satisfied smile on his face reflecting in the mirror. He held his hand out back towards you and you grabbed it before he led you to the elevator and then the car picking you up.

The entrance you two made was definitely not comfortable for either of you, too many people taking pictures, but he was used to it and you were just trusting the process. The night was spent chatting up rich people and royalty. Which, to be fair, was also not comfortable for you, but some of them were quite pleasant to talk to and you knew being polite to powerful people could always be helpful in the future. You were still looking forward to your couch nonetheless.

—

After the most people-filled day of the year so far you were both half-dead in bed at 2am, still buzzing from the day. You in one of his oversized shirts, him in the button-up shirt he had on under his suit, combined with sweatpants, high fashion. He cackled staring at his phone screen and you looked up and over at him. The phone screen he was holding towards you showed a news page Instagram post titled "Fans obsessed with double hard launch of Oscar Piastri" with images of you two from post-race and from the black tie event.

You spent the next hour scrolling social media, looking at the little compilations and reactions of his fans. They loved his little blush as you two entered the paddock, the way he almost threw his helmet on the ground before he grabbed you for the post-race kiss, the champagne dedicated to you and your shy smiles when entering the royal event.

Osc's face changed to a wide smile next to you at some point, "Huh?"

He typed something on his screen before you got a push notification for a post you were tagged in.

You opened it to a full photo series of him soaked by champagne after taking the team picture, smiling at you widely, kissing you, your reaction to the taste and your laughs right after. He captioned it "try not to smile challenges hate to see her approaching." The comments were frankly exploding at seeing Oscar proudly in love.

You smiled over at him already looking at you with a soft expression, "I love you" – "I love you too"

Masterlist is linked in my profile <3

[gatsby-20]

I Know I Was Wrong

When all was said and done, Lando Norris was left with just one question.  Where did it all go wrong?

Part 1: I Will Survive But I'll Never Recover

(a/n: Not sure if anyone will read this...or if anyone will like it, but who knows. It's a seven part series that I just finished writing, so posts once per week. Wrote this all because I heard Sparks (Dakota Version) and folded so incredibly fast. Major hurt/comfort vibes folks - and only happy endings so not to worry. Chapter title is from Franklin House. Spotify Playlist can be found here. 🌼)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore. 

Lando had never known a world without you in it. 

Your Mum’s had been best friends, so when Cisca had moved to the UK, your mum had gone with her. They got married together. And when they realised that they were going to have kids together, the joy only multiplied. 

They hadn’t planned to get pregnant together, but as luck would have it, you and Lando were just a month apart in age. The two women took full advantage of it, always putting the two of you into the same activities, play groups, schools. And thus, the two of you were inexplicably linked. 

Summers were spent playing together in the garden, all of the Norris siblings alongside you and your brother as you all ran around, tumbling over one another. Winters were spent with aggressive snowball fights and whining about doing your schoolwork in between Christmas’ spent together. 

When Lando thought of his childhood, you were the first thing he thought of. 

He remembered when his Mum forced him to try horseback riding, and you announced that you were going with him. Everyone had raised their eyebrows in surprise, because you had never once shown any indication that you wanted to go. But where Lando went, you followed. Didn’t matter if you were even smaller than he was as a kid. If he was small as a child, then you were positively tiny. 

But lord, you never let that stop you. Lando had hated horseback riding, but he’d never laughed harder in his life than watching you sit in the saddle, your feet barely hitting the end of the saddle flaps. The look on your face was pure determination, as though you could will the horse into walking just by thinking about it hard enough. 

When Lando traded horses for horsepower, you dragged yourself along with him. Not to race in the karts, but just to be there. 

You weren’t a fan of the karting scene. You hated the smell and how noisy it was, the chaos of it all. But you showed up with a smile on your face for Lando, just as he did at your horseback riding competitions. You supported one another. It was all you two had ever known. 

You would sit on the outskirts of the track while Lando would race and pick daisies. When you had collected a sufficient amount, you would plop down near Lando’s set up and get to work. You’d split the base of the stem with your finger nail, and carefully thread another flower through the hole you had created. 

Your forehead would crease with concentration, your tongue poking out with that quiet determination that Lando had grown to easily associate with you. It didn’t matter if it was a school assignment, a flower bracelet, or riding a horse - you approached everything the same. You gave it your all, one hundred percent concentration. 

He had always loved that about you. 

When he was finished with his races, he would tug his helmet off and run over to you, where you would proudly produce daisy chain bracelets to him. 

It didn’t matter if he came in first place or last place, you were always there with a smile so wide it seemed to split half of your face open. You never cared about the karting, but you cared about him. 

You were two peas in a pod, as your Mums loved to say. 

Lando couldn’t entirely remember when it went from something strictly platonic to something…more. 

He recalled the way that his friends would seem so confused by his friendship with you. 

To their credit, on paper it didn’t make much sense. You loved school, prided yourself on being well put together. Not in a pretentious way, but just clean and coordinated. You never tried too hard to be something you weren’t. You didn’t care much about sports outside of horses, you didn’t like video games or anything that might create some sort of common thread in a friendship. 

But all Lando knew was that when you became animated you talked with your hands, you listened more patiently than anyone he knew, and that you placed your hand on his knee when you knew he was nervous but too embarrassed to say anything about it. You could take one look at him and just…know. You’d grown up together, could read one another like the back of your hands. 

He knew that when he wanted to play a dumb prank, you were the first one he would go to. You’d roll your eyes at least seven times, but by the end you would be giggling so hard you’d have to lean into him to stay upright. Even when you both went through the gangly, awkward teenage years, there wasn’t anyone he thought was more beautiful than you when you laughed like that. 

It hadn’t hit him all at once, the realisation that he loved you. He didn’t understand why people called it ‘falling’ in love. The idea that he fell - something unintentional - was a connotation he never understood. There was nothing accidental about his love for you. It was conscious and overwhelming and warm - never inadvertent. 

All he knew was that he felt warm when you looked at him with that smile that seemed to be reserved just for him, and his stomach did flips when you leaned into him to help him correct his maths homework. 

There was no surprise in your expression when he first kissed you for the first time. Your cheeks instantly flushed, giving away your nerves and excitement. Lando loved that about you, how you would blush furiously around him, whenever he held you, whenever he said something romantic. It felt like physical proof that he had the same effect on you that you had on him. 

He was sixteen, unsure of everything about himself except for the fact that it was always going to be you. 

And as he grew into himself, as he grew in his karting career, people began to take notice. There was pressure and expectations, sponsors and money being thrown around. 

But in the middle of all of it, there you were. Grounding in a way that other people didn’t really understand but worked for Lando. You weren’t calm, not exactly, but you were bright. Positive in a way that didn’t feel patronizing. 

Then he made it into Formula 1. And there you were, just as you always had been. When he finished his first race, there were a million things he needed to do. He had meetings and debriefs and so much to do it nearly threatened to overwhelm him. But in between a debrief on tyre temperatures and a meeting with Will about corner four, you found him in the hallways of Mclaren. You caught him by the wrist, and when he turned to face you, he found that you had a sly smile on your face. 

He could see the pride in your eyes, and when he looked down he found that you were holding onto a daisy chain. All of the tension within his body snapped in an instant as a laugh bubbled out of him, and your smile grew tenfold. 

He tugged you into his arms, crushing you in a hug that you tried to wriggle out of half-heartedly. 

“You’re sweaty,” you scolded, scrunching your nose. 

“And I love you,” he replied just as easily. Not a question. Just a quiet fact, as though it were as simple as asking him the color of the sky or what day of the week it was. You melted into his arms in response. 

He pulled back, taking the daisy chain from you and slipping it carefully over his wrist. If anyone noticed the delicate flower bracelet in the rest of his meetings for the day, they didn’t mention it. 

“Thank you Daisy,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your temple as you let out a soft sigh. 

Daisy. 

He’d called you that ever since you first appeared with a flower bracelet in your hand. 

And in the years that followed, he called you that so often that people sometimes forgot your real name. 

When Lando first landed in Formula 1, you were in university. You had always said you were uninterested in completely giving up your life to follow Lando around, though sometimes in the dark you would admit to him how much you wanted to. 

But he would always press a gentle kiss to your lips and remind you that you were too brilliant to simply follow him around. 

So the two of you created a carefully balanced life. It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t without its disagreements and arguments. Neither of you would change it for the world, though. 

You spent most of your time in your apartment in London going to school. Lando had bought a house in the suburbs of the city, just a touch too far from Woking to be practical, but he didn’t care if it meant he got to be closer to you when he was home. 

Whenever you could, you would fly out to race weekends to spend them with him. You became a commonplace in the paddock in just a few short months. 

Lando loved how you managed to endear yourself to everyone. Not just the staff at Mclaren, but everyone around. You were the person who stopped to appreciate the small things, the person who asked someone their name and how their day was going and really meant it. 

You charmed the other WAGs, not by an overly impressive fashion sense or modeling career, but by your quick wit and kindness. You were real, nonjudgmental in the best way. You treated Lewis Hamilton and the cafe staff with the same level of respect, and it showed in the way others treated you. 

Lando always thought you were a piece of real life in an area of the world where people lost themselves in the glamour and money. 

You kept him grounded, refusing to let him get a big ego just because he had a job that was seen as prestigious. You cared about the cars because he cared, and you committed yourself to understanding tyre degradation despite how boring you found it. But in reality, you cared about him. 

It didn’t matter if he came in second or sixteenth, as long as he got out of the car safely you were proud of him. You were the one to remind him that when he made a mistake, it was just that. A mistake. 

A failure on his part didn’t mean that he was a failure, you reminded him. It meant that he was learning. And when the media threatened to drown him, you dragged him to the surface with you. 

There was so much pressure on him at all times, but you never asked him to be someone who he was not. You wanted him long before he was important to the rest of the world, and he found respite in the life the two of you had created together. 

You never cared about the glitz or the glam. He had just been Lando to you all along, the same little boy who ran around in the garden with you jumping over the flower beds in the English sun. 

He had been right there when you lost your mother in your third year at university, not unexpected but still just as painful. He watched as Cisca tucked you and your brother under her, promising that she was still there for you. 

He was lucky to be surrounded by a family that loved you as deeply as he loved you, so even though you knew deep seated grief, you also knew what it was like to be loved wholly and completely. 

And god, he didn’t realise it was possible to love a person in the way he loved you. Every single day he woke up was a good one because you were in it. He loved getting to walk into the paddock with you, watching as you smiled and greeted what felt like every person who the two of you passed. 

He loved watching as everyone erupted in excitement when they saw you. How you settled peoples nerves, speaking to the new drivers in a gentle tone and an understanding expression. How the older drivers went to you when they needed a laugh and their ego knocked down a peg. How the other girls came to sit with you, laughing at your running commentary during qualifying. How people seemed relieved to see you, knowing that you would have the bandaid or tide pen they desperately needed. 

Lando had been sitting with you and Max Fewtrell once in the empty Mclaren hospitality when a girl slipped into the room. She clutched a clipboard in her hand as though it were an anchor, her eyes darting around the room with anxiety. She was clearly an intern, and shuffled toward the group of you as though you were going to swallow her whole. 

“Uh…Daisy?” She called out nervously, and that got all of your attention. 

Lando, out of pure surprise at hearing someone else call you that with full seriousness. You, because you responded to the name out of pure habit. And Max, because he couldn’t believe someone actually called you that. 

The latter let out a loud snort, and under the table Lando watched as you slammed your kitten heel down on his foot, causing him to nearly bite his tongue off.  

“Be nice you knobhead, she’s an intern,” you hissed under your breath as you turned in the same breath, sliding to get out of the booth and toward the girl. 

“Yes, what can I help with love?” You asked as you moved toward her, and Lando was left to chuckle under his breath as Max moaned about you having broken his foot. 

You were energetic and full of life, and Lando thought you were the most beautiful thing on this earth. He could care less about being surrounded by models or whatever, not when he had everything he could have ever wanted right in front of him. 

Sure, he loved to party, loved to dance and feel the taste of liquor on his tongue, but only when it meant he got to come home to you. You trusted him completely because he’d never given you any reason to doubt him, not when he was surrounded by the most gorgeous of women and still chose you over and over again. 

Never once did you try to change him or to pass judgement on his lifestyle. You made your opinions known, but never faulted him for when he chose differently. You might have been a bit quick to say ‘I told you so,’ but the driver honestly couldn’t fault you for that. 

He was the kind of person who loved with everything in him. He sat front row at your uni graduation, bought a cake when you got your first job, and flew for 26 hours just to see you for 8 hours on your birthday. He was hopelessly devoted to you in every way he knew how to be. 

It was a constant game of musical chairs with your schedules, but Lando couldn’t imagine it any other way. He loved you infinitely more at twenty four than he did at sixteen. He couldn’t imagine a life without you in it. 

Until he did have to imagine it. 

I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore. 

It’s complicated, but this isn’t working. 

I think it’s for the best if we break up. 

I’m sorry. 

And when all was said and done, Lando Norris was left with just one question.  

Where did it all go wrong? 

It was ridiculous. 

You and Lando had always worked hard to remain healthy in leading separate lives, never to get co-dependent. Sure, there was a lot of overlap in your lives, but you both had your own friends, your own homes, your own time. It wasn’t as though you spent every single second together. Neither of you were strangers to spending time alone. 

So how did he manage to find remnants of you everywhere? 

It had been four months since you had broken things off with him just before the 2024 season had started, and still it stole his breath away to remember that you were gone. 

He was a racing driver. 

He had some of the fastest reflexes in the world. 

But they never seemed to outrace the realisation that you no longer occupied the same space that you once did in his life. 

Waking up felt impossible, because for a moment everything would feel alright. 

And then he would remember. 

Without fail, it felt like a train had hit him straight in the chest. 

He wanted to be angry, to scream and yell and throw things and let himself be so incredibly mad at you. 

But the reality of it was that he was just sad. He seemed to measure time by you - that there was a time during you and the time after you. 

You’d never officially lived in his flat in London, always adamant that he be allowed to decorate his space. That didn’t mean that there weren’t reminders of you everywhere. A jumper thrown over a chair, a bottle of perfume in the bathroom, a pair of your shoes tucked in a closet he hadn’t opened in awhile. 

You disappeared from the paddock, and at first nobody noticed. You worked full time, and couldn’t always travel to races. But when March bled into April, and then May, the whispers started. 

Wondering where you were. Wondering why Lando seemed off. Wondering what had happened. 

Only one person had dared to ask him about it directly - an engineer for Williams. You had promised to get her a coffee this season, she had told Lando with a hopeful look in her eyes. It was something of an honor to spend time with you, considering your reputation was founded in compassion and humor. 

But he could only offer back a smile that didn’t even begin to reach his eyes, saying that he wasn’t sure when you’d be able to follow through on that promise. The question stung more than he cared to admit, but to be forced to answer it felt like he was being split in half.

Everyone had abstained from asking about you since. Reporters skirted around the issue, never exactly pressing directly onto the wound but prodding around it as if they hoped to make it bleed for their own personal gain. 

“How has life off the track been for you this season?” 

“Any changes in your personal life that have affected your racing?” 

“What are your plans for the break after the weekend?” 

All he could do was answer with polite smiles and half truths. 

He couldn’t very well explain to Sky Sports that half of his heart had been ripped out of his chest and walked away. 

Honestly, he wished it was as simple as that. 

You lived in the pauses of his thoughts, as though nestled in the quiet corners of his soul. The breakup wasn’t clean cut. It felt as though someone was slowly pulling the roots of his heart away. Every single day there seemed to be something that caused his chest to collapse all over again. 

Even the stupid media questions that got into his head. He knew that if it were about something else, you’d be there to give him a hug and remind him that it wasn’t his responsibility to feed their headlines. That he was allowed to protect himself. He couldn’t very well stop the questions, you’d said, but he could control how he handled them. 

But now you weren’t there, and he was left with nothing but space for reporters to rub salt into a never ending wound. 

There was a space you occupied in the depths of his heart that no one else had. That perhaps nobody else ever could. 

You showed up in all his unfinished thoughts, like a sentence he was never quite able to properly end. 

He tried, oh god did he try. 

His siblings had no idea where you were, or what you were doing. None of them dared to ask your brother Oliver what was going on. After your mothers passing, your father had remained distant and was no longer really a part of your life. Your social media was dead. He even went onto your LinkedIn, and aside from seeing that you hadn’t left your job, there was nothing. 

It was, by all accounts, a clean break. 

It didn’t feel like that for Lando. 

Whenever Lily accompanied Oscar to the paddock, Lando turned away. Max started showing up at more races, rearranging his schedule as though he knew that his best friend needed someone there. It wasn’t you, but it was something. 

He still raced. He raced well, in fact. The car was good this year, and he was on the top of his game. No more partying. No more drinking. He thought at first that it would help him forget, but all it made him do was remember. 

Lando wondered why you had even left in the first place. 

He thought maybe it was because of the racing. He knew that his life and schedule was a lot to work around. You had seemed a little more reserved in the weeks and months before the breakup, but nothing that indicated to him that it was something drastic or related to him. Maybe a bit more depressed. A little more sedentary. But you had always said it was work or that you were just tired. 

Did it mean you were tired of him? Tired of the lifestyle? Tired of the schedule? 

Tired of what? 

Christ, if he was going to lose you over his career, he was going to make it worthwhile. He drove like his life depended on it, always hungry for more. In his mind, he really had nothing left to lose. 

He won in Miami, and the high was incredible. But the crash was completely desolating. 

The season was a blur of victories that turned sour so quickly he almost started wishing that the success would vanish. At least the losses were aligned with his masochistic thoughts. 

By the time Belgium had arrived on the calendar, he was ready for the summer break. He was ready for the chance to go on vacation with his friends, to a place that was untouched by reminders of you everywhere he looked. 

He felt ragged, trying to recover from Hungary and the disaster with Oscar on top of everything. On top of the fact that no matter where he went in the paddock, disappointment at the loss of you seemed to follow him everywhere. He wasn’t the only one who felt your absence acutely. 

He missed the stupid edits people would make of the two of you together. People had always said you were soulmates, the class clowns of the paddock, the pair that people respected. 

Neither of you had a poker face, always pulling a face when something silly or ridiculous happened. He missed how you laughed at his stupid shit so hard that you told him your stomach ached. How he made dumb jokes just so that you would roll your eyes at him. How you would lay out on his massage table, stretching your limbs like a sleepy cat as he told you a story about whatever was happening that weekend. 

So yeah, as he walked around the paddock in Belgium, he wasn’t paying very good attention to his surroundings. 

Sometimes, it felt like the only way to get through the day. 

That was, until someone grabbed his wrist as he walked down the hallway on Saturday after qualifying. Delicate fingers wrapping just around the base of his hand, trying insistently to get his attention. 

For just a second, he was transported back to a time when that meant you were there for him. That he would turn, and find a flower crown in your hands, ready to be put atop his curls. 

He shook his head at the thought and turned around, though he had to admit he was unprepared for who he would find when he looked up. 

“Kayla?” The shock was clear if not on his face then in his tone. It was one of your best friends from university. Lando had always liked her, gentle and responsible in a very sweet way. The two of you were still close, Lando was sure of that, and he was wildly thrown to see her here. Standing in the Mclaren hallway in Belgium. She was wearing a VIP badge with his name on it, though he hadn’t a clue how she had acquired it. 

Or why she was here. 

“Lando…I–” she paused, swallowing thickly. It seemed like she was almost short circuiting, struggling to find the words. The racing driver fully stopped for a second, turning toward her as his eyebrows threaded together in confusion at her presence. 

“What are you doing here?” He questioned, and that finally seemed to be the thing that helped her along. 

“I need to talk to you tomorrow. After the race. It’s…important,” she said the words gently, as though they would be the thing to break him. Lando cocked his head to the side, trying to understand why Kayla was here. 

What were the implications of this? What did it mean for you? What did it mean for him? 

When he said nothing, Kayla let out a short sigh. There was desperation clearly twinged in it, and for a second Lando felt like the knife in his heart was being shoved in, just a little bit harder. 

“Lando…I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important,” she implored, and that certainly caught his attention. He held eye contact with her for several more seconds before he slowly began to nod. 

“Okay…okay. I’ll find you after the race, stay in the area when we’re done,” he finally acquiesced, watching as her shoulders slumped in relief. 

“Thank you,” she breathed out, sparing him one last glance before she turned around and left him standing there in the hallway, confused out of his mind. 

When he thought back on it, he knew that finding Kayla in the hallway, in that moment, is the start of when he realised that something was really, really wrong. 

Lando finished the race in fifth. Nothing to write home about, but he wasn’t about to complain. 

He’s fighting for a championship, supposedly. 

He’s not entirely sure he cares. 

Not when he walked out of his driver room and found Kayla standing outside inside the Mclaren hospitality, wringing her hands together. 

Lando couldn’t say he had the privilege of knowing Kayla exceptionally well. The brunette woman was lovely and had always been very kind to him. She had come with you to a few races, and he had spent time with her in London whenever he was there to see you. But she had always been your friend, and it had been months since he had seen her at all. 

When she noticed him walking toward her, she seemed equal parts relieved and somehow even more nervous. 

He’s fresh from the shower, clean clothes with his curls damp and messy, as though he hurried rather carelessly to dry them. Kayla looked around, and though the Mclaren hallways are rapidly emptying, there are still several people milling about. 

“Is there somewhere more…private that we could talk?” Kayla breathed out, and Lando studied her for a second before he nodded. The brunette trailed after the racing driver through the Mclaren garage, hospitality, outside and toward some benches out the back that appeared deserted. 

Lando sat across from Kayla, and he watched as she fidgeted for a moment. It seemed as though she was working up the courage to say something. 

“Kayl–” he began to speak only for her to cut him off abruptly. 

“Do you still love her?” She blurted out suddenly. The brunette paused for a moment, almost as though she couldn’t believe she had just asked the question. She didn’t take it back, though. 

It hung in the air, and Lando felt like all the oxygen had been stolen from his lungs. 

His eyes narrowed, and he stared at Kayla. 

Hard. 

“What?” His voice was low, and hated the way it wobbled despite his best attempts to stop it. 

But your friend had lost the timidness she had started the conversation with. 

“Answer the question,” she demanded. He was distinctly reminded of you as she spoke. You rarely held back from asking the hard questions. Didn’t matter who the person was. Very few people felt as though they could demand something of Lando Norris, the F1 driver. 

But in the same vein as you, Kayla didn’t care who he was or what his job was. 

“Yes, I still love her. I never stopped,” Lando’s voice was audibly softer when he answered. He was unprepared for the way Kayla closed her eyes tightly at his words. When she opened them, he noticed that there were tears springing to her eyes. 

“She made me promise not to come, but I can’t watch her waste away like this,” Kayla whispered as though it pained her to speak any louder, and Lando pitched forward with renewed urgency. 

“What?” He asked, no longer following what she was saying but all the more concerned at her words. 

Wasting away? 

If there was even a chance that you felt as heart broken as he did, maybe you could fix this. 

“She thought it was just shin splints,” Kayla admitted, her jaw tightly set. The statement held in the air, confusing and stagnant. 

“I don’t understand,” Lando quickly commented, rapidly losing sight of where this conversation was heading. 

“Just…let me explain for a second. Back in January, she thought she had shin splints. Said that her right leg really hurt when she ran. And then when she walked. And then just…all the time,” Kayla explained, and Lando remembered suddenly hearing you complain of the annoyance of it once, but you waved him off when he expressed concern. 

“She went to the doctor and they thought it was shin splints. Then when it didn’t go away, a vitamin D deficiency. It wasn’t until March that they finally did a scan, but she already knew,” Kayla admitted, clearly struggling to speak. 

Lando felt his heart plummet into his stomach. He had a fair idea of what was coming, and still he felt like he was reeling, completely and totally unprepared for it. 

“She broke up with you before the biopsy. Said that she was terrified you would be forced to do the season with her being sick, that she didn’t want you to have to deal with it. She didn’t want you to have to deal with her,” Kayla forced on, but there were genuine tears flowing down her cheeks now, and Lando felt tears burning in the back of his own eyes. 

The implication that you would ever be something for him to “deal” with made him want to throw up. 

“They did the biopsy in late March. It came back the week after the Japanese Grand Prix. Osteosarcoma. Stage Two.” 

It felt like Lando had been punched in the gut. LIke his soul slipped out of his body for a second, realisation dawning over his entire body. He had somewhat known where this was going, but it didn’t make hearing it any easier. 

“I…she didn’t want you to find out. Didn’t want you to be held back. But there has been delay after delay with her case. They put her on chemo to prepare her for limb salvage surgery, but even after a few rounds, it's not working. There are more experimental private treatments she could try, but they are expensive and have huge waiting lists. She just stuck at Royal Marsden, sitting in a room with seven other patients being administered their chemotherapy and watching as nothing changes because of how much of a mess the NHS is,” Kayla described, letting out a sigh as though explaining the whole thing had aged her beyond years. 

“She was determined not to burden you with it. But I can’t watch her like this knowing that maybe…I don’t know. That maybe you could do something. And even if you can’t do that…I see how much it kills her not to be with you. She misses you so much, I can just tell. She never says anything, but she hasn’t been the same since she did it,” Kayla revealed, finally looking at Lando to see his reaction. 

There wasn’t an ounce of emotion on his face. Nothing. 

He looked back at her with a gaze so intense she couldn’t find herself to look away, but she also didn’t have a clue where his head was at. 

“Lando? Please, say something,” she finally begged after a second, her voice edging on desperate. He tore his eyes away from hers, reaching down into his pocket. 

“Royal Marsden,” he muttered as Kayla’s eyes widened, her hands gripped together. It looked like he was done with the conversation, and she wasn’t going down without fighting for her friend. He was tapping away at his phone, not even sparing her a glance. 

“Lando, please, she really needs he–” 

“You said it was Royal Marsden Hospital, correct?” He asked as he placed the phone to his ear. Surprised, Kayla nodded wordlessly. She watched in complete silence as Lando began talking. 

“Hi Tom, it’s Lando. I have a favor I need to ask for. I have a member of the family in hospital and was hoping to get her moved to a more private room, if possible?” He explained, and Kayla felt relief rush over her. 

She leaned forward on the table, no longer listening to the conversation as she placed her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs. 

Help. 

You were getting help. 

She had gone back and forth on whether or not this was the right decision, but she knew at that moment that she had made the right one. Lando came around to wrap his arm around her shoulder when he finished his phone call. 

He leaned into her, offering his support silently but with presence. 

“You did the right thing,” he whispered softly to her and she looked up to make eye contact with him before she sniffed loudly, nodding her head. 

“Right, yes, okay,” she said, swiping the tears from her eyes. She allowed herself the next second to collect herself as Lando went back to his phone, typing furiously. She chanced a glance over at his screen, noting that he had a text thread with Max Verstappen pulled up. 

When she finally took a deep breath, Lando squeezed her bicep softly and tried to smile as encouragingly as he could manage on top of his own panic. 

“I’ve got us a ride back to London,” he stated without any other explanation. 

“Right now?” She exclaimed, surprise erupting in her expression. He nodded with security, standing and offering his hand to help her up. 

“Come on, we’ll pick up your luggage on the way. We have somewhere we need to be.”

[peasack]

i actually love your writing so so much it like makes me feel so happy lol. i was wondering if possible could you write like how thunderbolts would handle reader having a bad mental health day? <3

This is a pretty heavy topic so to anyone who struggles with this, at the end I've posted a link to a daily affirmations post. Stay safe and love you all.

Enjoy<33

Thunderbolts x Gn!Teen!Reader

✦ Thunderbolts Helping You During a Bad Mental Health Day Headcanons ✦

∗ ࣪ ˖༺ ♡ ༻˖ ࣪ ∗∗ ࣪ ˖༺ ♡ ༻˖ ࣪ ∗∗ ࣪ ˖༺ ♡ ༻˖ ࣪ ∗

✦ John Walker

He’s really good at just being there.

He knows better than to push you to talk. He’ll hang around the common area, leave food or drinks nearby, and check in with soft “You good?”

Subtly makes sure you eat, drink, and breathe.

Will offer quiet things to do together like playing cards, folding laundry, or organizing tools, stuff that doesn’t demand much from you but still makes you feel less alone.

If you want to just sit in the same room with him while he fixes something or attempt at fixing his taco shield, he’ll absolutely let you.

✦ Bob Reynolds

Been there done that, so he knows exactly what to do to at least brighten your day a little.

Leaves little gifts like your favorite hoodie, snacks, or even a dumb doodle he drew.

Is the king of soft comfort. If you start crying, he doesn’t overreact. He just quietly hugs you and lets you cry it out without trying to solve it.

Tries to crack soft jokes like “Hey, I’m not exactly the poster boy for stability either.”

He’ll quietly suggest building a pillow fort or watching cartoons. It’s low-pressure and silly, which he hopes will help.

✦ Bucky Barnes

A+ at silent support.

If you go nonverbal or just don’t feel like talking, he sits near you without asking questions.

He might give you a soft pat on the back or hand you something small to fidget with.

Has the kind of steady, calming energy that’s really comforting on bad days.

He won’t force conversation. But if you do talk, he’ll listen like you’re the most important thing in the room.

Will quietly make sure nobody else overwhelms you.

✦ Alexei Shostakov

His first instinct is to fix things, which doesn’t always help, but he’s trying.

Brings you food like “You must eat! Food is power!”

If you seem overwhelmed, he’ll awkwardly offer to watch old Soviet cartoons or wrestle with pillows to make you laugh.

He’s big and warm, so his hugs feel like body shields.

Genuinely thinks the best way to help you is to make you feel safe, even if he’s terrible at the soft emotional stuff.

✦ Ava Starr

She gets it. She’s had her own battles with pain and isolation.

If you don’t want to talk, she’ll sit nearby and read or listen to music with you.

She’s calm, never pushy. She has this grounding presence that makes you feel like you’re not spiraling alone.

Leaves your favorite comfort items near you without saying anything.

If you need to leave a crowded room, she’s already standing up to walk you out without making a scene.

✦ Yelena Belova

Absolutely the “I will fight the entire world for you” type.

But on bad mental health days, she tones it way down. She’ll offer cuddles, space, or both, depending on what you need.

Good at finding funny videos or dumb things to distract you.

Will lowkey threaten anyone who bothers you that day.

Occasionally checks in with a soft “You’re still with me, yes?” and it’s not a question you need to answer, but she says it like she’s reminding you she’s not going anywhere.

∗ ࣪ ˖༺ ♡ ༻˖ ࣪ ∗∗ ࣪ ˖༺ ♡ ༻˖ ࣪ ∗∗ ࣪ ˖༺ ♡ ༻˖ ࣪ ∗

For anyone who struggles with these issues, you are not alone. There are always people out there who can help you or grand you care.

Just in case some people need it, here's an Daily affirmations post with a list of things you could do daily to attempt at staying well even through hard times.

I love you all and if you struggle with things you can't say out loud, dm me. It doesn't matter to me whether you just wanna have a talk or need to vent, I'd rather give care than have you guys struggle on your own.

Love you all and stay safe<333

[nymphaea-blue]

A beach day with Rafayel.

Info : 1.6k+ word count, fluff, reader is said to not be able to swim, reader is a bit scared of water, reader and Rafayel is in a relationship.

Note : This came out a little longer than I thought ^^, 2nd post this week though, so enjoy!

It was a nice, sunny day. Now that summer started it was a lot hotter in Linkon, ice cream stands were open everywhere but that didn’t always help. What made this even worse? The fact that your boyfriend, Rafayel, had a fire Evol and was basically a walking furnace at this point so you couldn’t cuddle. 

So to combat the heat that both of you were struggling with (since Rafayel made sure to show you how much the heat bothers him because of his Lemurian heritage) your boyfriend came up with a great idea - go swimming! It seemed like a perfect plan, Rafayel literally lived on a beach so it wasn’t an issue at all and he loved swimming so it could be a nice little bonding time that would also help the both of you combat the misery that was Linkon during summer.

Yeah. It seemed like a perfect plan.

But it wasn’t, at least for you. Because you can’t swim, and Rafayel didn’t know that yet.

So there you were, on the beach in the back of Rafayels house and he already looked to be so excited.

You really wanted to tell him but you also thought that it was kind of silly to not be able to swim at your age, so you just hoped he would never bring it up. After looking for a nice little spot close enough to the water, you started to set up your resting spot, you got a nice beach towel and an umbrella that luckily, he helped you set up after a bit of struggling. 

“You know, maybe this wasn’t a bad idea, it’s pretty relaxing to rest here like this. It almost feels like a little vacation.” You sighed in content as you laid back down on the towel, you even wore a cute one-piece suit so you could tan, since that was mostly what you were hoping to do that day.

“You’re right, buuut I think the sun is a little too bright for me, so I will cool down in the water. Do you want to come with me, cutie?” Your boyfriend asked as he sat next to you for a moment. He had a white unbuttoned shirt on with some swimming trunks, you liked this look on him. 

“... I think I might stay and tan for a little while, this feels pretty relaxing.” 

You did as he asked and you watched as he snooped around the bag he had brought along with him from the house.

“Alright, but sit up for a moment then.”

“There, I found it! You didn’t think I would let you rest here without protection, right?” He said as he triumphantly showed you the sunscreen, it was spf 50 and from a good brand.

“Hmm, I dunno, you do look like the type that would forget sunscreen.” You teased him with a hum as you let him gently apply sunscreen on you, the cooling sensation of it alongside the soft touch of his hand and the warmth of the sun felt like paradise for you.

“I did forget it a few times, I admit, but I ended up looking like Reddie each time so I learned my lesson and I don’t want my lovely cutie to turn into a crab. I got some cooled down drinks and soft snacks as well, you can use those, humans need loots of water during high temperatures.”

He said softly as he moved onto applying the sunscreen to your back, he did a nice job and you could tell that he was focused on what he was doing. It made your heart flutter to see him act so seriously and worry for you.

“That’s right, thank you Raf. Now it’s my turn!” 

You gave him a peck on his cheek as a thank you for his such a good job before taking the sunscreen from his hand and applying it on him. You made quick work of it, the two of you stayed under the shade for a moment longer as Rafayel clung to you and gave you lots of kisses on your face that made you laugh before he went into the water. 

You stayed like that for a while and all was going well. When Rafayel finally got out after you called for him and scolded him for not eating anything after swimming so long, the two of you built sandcastles, raced on the sand and looked at the seashells near the shore. The hours passed and you were happy but your boyfriend was bound to pick up that you hadn't really enter the water yet.

“I don’t think I realised how much more fun it is to have a beach day with someone. I usually would hang out here alone but I’m glad you were with me today, cutie… especially since I get to win all the time.”

“You only won because you have more experience building sandcastles.”

“That sounds like something a loser would say.”

You scoffed at him and smacked him gently on his shoulder as the two of you laid next to each other, it got a small laugh out of him before he eventually sat up and asked the question you dreaded the most.

“Now, how about we try racing in the water? I promise I’ll go easy on you this time!”

You hesitated for a moment, he looked so excited and you hated not being able to join in on the fun and disappoint him. But there was no point in even trying to agree, you would panic the moment the water would be higher than your waist.

“Cutie, this trip was about trying to cool down. I don’t think you can do that while sitting in the sun all day, even if you are under an umbrella.”

“... I think I might stay here actually, but you go ahead, I’ll watch and time you!” You tried to sound happy and like it was no issue at all, but your boyfriend quickly caught on.

“I don’t mind, maybe I will finally stop looking like a ghost if I get some tan.”

“Come on, at least go up to the shore with me, won’t you? The water is nice and cold, you should enjoy it.” He smiled at you as he offered you his hand to help you get up and guide you to the water. You thought for a moment but decided to go with him, just a small dip wouldn’t be bad and if it would make him happy then why not.

“Here, the water is nice, right?” Rafayel asked as the two of you walked in shallow water. It did feel nice and cool, which made you feel sad that you couldn’t enjoy it to the full extent.

“Great, come swim with me then! You deserve to enjoy this a bit too, you know. I feel bad when you just watch me when this is much more fun.” He gently tugged your hand to guide you deeper but you didn’t move. You felt scared to go, how were you supposed to go swimming when you didn’t know how to swim? It was dangerous and you didn’t want to make a fool out of yourself.

“Yeah, it does. No wonder you like swimming so much.”

He must have noticed that you looked a little uncomfortable and that you didn’t move because his tone softened as he next asked.

“What’s wrong? Do you not want to go?”

“No no, it’s not that… I just- can’t.” You stammered out as you looked down, feeling a little bit embarrassed.

“Why not?”

“... Oh.”

“Because I can’t swim, Rafayel.”

There was silence for a while and you felt so bad for keeping this away from him, he looked so excited for this and you ruined it.

“I’m so sorry Raf, I know how excited you were for this but I didn’t want to disappoint you. I know that it’s kind of silly but-”

“It’s normal, some people can’t swim, some people are scared of it and the endless sea and that’s fine, we all have our fears, right? That doesn’t make me think any less of you, in fact I think you are quite brave since you wanted to come here for me anyways.” He said so softly you thought you would have melted then and there, because you honestly didn’t think that he would react to it so normally since the water is like his home.

“I don’t think it’s silly, calm down cutie.” Rafayel gently cut you off as he came near you again and softly tilted your chin upwards so you would face him.

“Really. Now, how about we go a little bit deeper? I will hold your hands, don’t worry. You can grab onto me if you want, I’ll keep you safe.” He looked at you with a light smile as the sun started to set in the background.

“Really? You don’t mind?”

“... Okay.”

“What was that for?!” You asked Rafayel after he suddenly kissed you when you were admiring the sunset.

So the two of you went deeper, slowly, carefully and Rafayel made sure to hold onto you the entire time, pausing frequently to check up on you. The water felt nice on your skin and even though you couldn’t swim, the water didn’t seem so scary anymore when you had him next to you.

“A Lemurians kiss can give others the ability to breathe underwater, so you have my blessing now, miss bodyguard.” He laughed softly as he took in your flustered expression and those rosy cheeks of yours.

“... Oh.”

“How about you do it again then? Just to make sure it will work.”

[jjkarmy091]

Know too much- Jungkook

Genre: Romance; angst; slow burn; friends2lovers; Warnings: strong language; mentions of death; mention of r*pe; eventual smut Wordcount: 15k Ps- English is not my first language so I'm sorry for any mistakes! I always try my best! Not proofread

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This gonna be divided in two part because it has gotten too long

You always loved the idea of love: the romance, the effort, the cumplicity: everything related to it- but one thing it never occured you was the jealousy you'd feel.

You finished high school in 2015 and decided to take a sabbatical year where you'd do whatever you wanted: you had some part time jobs, had gone to parties your closest friends, but you got tired and wanted more so when you found out the application period for college exams was going to open you didn't hesitate. Truth is you were always a very homely person, barely leaving your house, not because your parents wouldn't let you, they kept insisting for you to go have some funa and clear your head, but you didn't like that type of enviroment. Instead, you'd rather stay home reading or watching movies than going out until it started affecting your mental health, isolating you from everything and everyone. That was the main reason why your parents told you to take a full year for you to enjoy yourself. You only had a few close friends, but the ones you had were worth 10 of them. Not to gush, but you were lucky with the people around you. When high school ended, your best friend Rosé would go out and insisted on taking you with her. That's how your story with Jungkook began.

You and him met in mid-February 2016. Rosé was talking to a guy named Tae, you'd see the pictures she usually posted on Instagram of the two of them and another guy with a rather peculiar style. In one of those pictures you saw he was all in black, with some necklaces bigger than him (almost) and very thin, however, his eyes were what caught your attention the most. Despite all the black he wore, his bambi brown eyes gave him a very sweet and innocent appearence. Rosé always insisted on you to go out with her and her new group of friends. For some reason she wanted to introduce you to them, even though you always said you had no interest in it until you were so tired of hearing her talk about the same thing over and over again, you agreed to go with her and those "so new" friends.

You and Rosé went to a well known pub in the city, being the first ones to get there, asking for two cokes with lemon and ice. Maybe fifteen minutes later you notice two guys coming in and looking around, they were both tall, one with curly light brown hair while the other had very dark hair and bambi eyes. That's when you realized it was him, the guy you had identified before, however, this time without the all-black outfit. Instead he had a plain white shirt and ripped jeans and a pair of earrings. You had to admit he was extremely handsome, thin but muscular, everyone could tell he was into exercising or had started going to the gym. The first to arrive at the table and introduce himself was Tae, a super communicative and outgoing guy, you could see how comfortable he was with people, just as Rosé. Behind him came his friend, who introduced himself as Jungkook, however, unlike Tae, he was someone more quiet and reserved, like you. Tae sat down next to Rosé after greeting you, forcing Jungkook to sit next to you.

As time passed it was palpable the chemistry between Tae and Rosé as they talked and leaned over each other, gently and discreetly caressing each other's leg, hand or shoulder. After a while they said they would go for a smoke, leaving you and Jungkook alone. It couldn't have been more awkward between you two at first. He was shy and so were you, there was simply no conversation between you other than an exchange of glances here and there. You were about to get up to meet the others outside when he spoke.

"If I were you I wouldn't go."

"Why not?"

"They're probably sucking each others tongue at this very moment." you made a disgusted face

"Whewwww gross. You think?"

"Ohh believe me I'm sure of it" He laughed and damn you for noticing how pretty his smile was. You didn't know if he had braces or veneers before but fuck - what a perfect and white smile he had- You swear if you had that kind of smile you'd never stop using it.

"I'm Y/n by the way. I didn't get the chance to properly introduce myself before"

"Nice to meet you Y/n"

You had a feeling he was gonna give you trouble

and he did

You blamed that bunny smile of his.

After that night, you and Jungkook became super friends. In fact, he ended up taking you home since Tae and Rosé left together. Along the way, you ended up talking even more and getting to know each other better: you knew he was 23 years old, had studied art and that he now worked in a graphics store while taking a tattoo artist course. You told him you were 19 and turned 20 in the summer. You also shared your intentions on going to college that same year to study education since you loved children and your biggest dream was to be a kindergarten teacher. You also ended up discovering you had a lot of things in common, you had to admit it was worth going out with your best friend that specific day because the boys were super fun and nice people to hang with and you really enjoyed interacting with them. Rosé and Tae started dating shortly after that day, so it was inevitable that you wouldn't see Jungkook more often, making him a big part of your life.

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June 2016

The week of your university exams arrived and you were very nervous, at this point you were afraid you would get there and forget even your name. On the days you had exams, Jungkook always remembered to send you a message of support and that relieved a lot of the pressure you felt. After the fourth and final exam, you finally breathed a sigh of relief, feeling like you could enjoy summer as you should.

As you were leaving school, you heard someone call your name. You looked back and saw Jungkook walking towards you, however, you realized he wasn't alone. Beside him was Maddie, a girl who had been in your class, but failed due to excessive absences and had to repeat the year again. You were happy to hear she managed to finish it, you heard some rumors about her being absent at the time because of an abortion she had. It was never confirmed or at least you never heard anything about it again. Honestly you never thought you'd see her doing the admission exams, since she didn't really like to study either. You were happy yet quite surprised to see him with her.

When you saw the two of them you tried to look away, picking up your phone as if you were replying to a text, but from the corner of your eye you saw Maddie giving a kiss on the corner of Jungkook's lips while he smiled, having his arm around her waist, with his hand resting on her ass. You don't know why, but that made your stomach twist. Then you saw her whisper something in his ear, to which he nodded and they each went their separate ways, her into school and him closer to where you were.

"Hello smarty pants. How was the last exam? Ready to enjoy summer the right way?"

"Stop it" you laughed. " It was good I guess. I don't think I have to worry about it, the worst part was the math exam. What are you doing here anyway? Stalking much?" Jungkook put an arm around your shoulders

"Not even! Honestly I didn't know you studied here. I recognized your figure when I came to drop Maddie off. I'm sure you've crossed paths before, right? She's a year older than you and doing finals aswell"

"Ohh yeah I know her, she was in my class and she's just a couple months older than me but who's counting. Didn't know you had a girlfriend" You pulled away from him so that the arm previously around your shoulders fell away. "I don't want any problems with her, I heard she has a temper" He brought you close to him again.

"What girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend, I'm single and ready to mingle. I'm sure you'd know if I had one. You really think I'd be hanging out with all of you instead of my girl? I'm not stupid Y/n- I love you guys but I'd never choose hanging with my friends over my girl every night" You looked at him confused. "Then what are you?"

"We are just friends."

"That didn't look like friends to me"

"We met on a party I went with some friends, we hit off and have been fooling around since then."

"Ohhhh that type of friends, got it" you were silent for a moment until you spoke again. "never pegged you as that kind of guy" Jungkook made an offended face "Wow. Why are you saying that like it's the worst thing in the world?"

"Sorry I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was that since I met you I always had the idea that you were more of a serious type? I dn't know how to put it in words, justI didn't think you'd be the type to have friends with benefits. I don't know how to explain it- why are we even talking about this? Wheeew. "

"I'm shy at first, not blind Y/n. I'm human and like everyone else I have needs. Just because I don't want any kind of relationship right now doesn't mean I'm trash with them. I'm focused on enjoying my life but I don't have to be naive when it comes to sex and girls. I know what they want and they know what I want, it's easy" He said it jokingly, but you felt attacked. "and we are talking about it because you brought it up. Are you gonna tell me you've never done the same?" The only thing you said to him was "shut up" along with a punch in the arm, which definitely hurt youmore than it did to him.

How much has this guy grown physically in a short space of time?

The week had finally come to an end and Friday night arrived and you, Rosé, Tae and Jungkook were in the usual spot, having the usual conversations. They were sharing what they were going to do over the weekend, while you, on the other hand, were tired and sad. You had a fight with your mother so you were quieter tonight. It was rare for it to happen but when it did, it sucked. She is the type who never thinks before saying things and when she realizes it the damage is already done. Remember when people say words are more painful than a slap? that's you. You always considered your mother as your best friend, you knew you could count on her for everything and honestly if it wasn't for her supporting you after your first boyfriend treated you like shit just because you didn't feel comfortable initiating something sexual with him when you were 16, you don't know if you would have made it this far.

It was regular for you and Josh to go to your house or his after school, to study together and have some fun as a typical young couple who are at the beginning of their sexual discovery, however, you still didn't feel ready to go all the way. Of course you had already done other types of foreplay, but not the act itself. You had been dating for 6 months and at first he was super respectful but then he was increasingly pressuring you to do it, always implying if you didn't want to it was because you didn't really like him. You had already learned how to deal with it as he always ended up respecting your wishes until that one day.

You had just arrived home and your parents were still at work as usual. You had prepared some snacks and were in the living room watching tv until he started getting closer to you and give you little kisses on the neck and that was alright because there was nothing new, however, he started to be rougher, more aggressive and started to hurt you in the process. When you realized everything, you started to panick and begging him to stop, but he wouldn't. You did everything you could to get out of his grip, yet he was stronger and heavier than you so all your attempts were in vain. You just remember crying and trying to scream, asking him to stop and him kissing you everywhere and touching you in places you didn't want.

You know it was a miracle when you hear a key being inserted into the door and see your mother come in. Both your parents usually didn't get home until 8 or 9 at night, if not later. Your mother was a nurse and your father was a businessman so their schedules were difficult to know sometimes. When your mom saw you in that state she immediately went to help you and that's the last you can remember. Your therapist had said sometimes our brain blocks our traumatic memories as a protective mechanism and that's what happened to you. Since that moment you haven't been able to get involved with anyone on a more intimate level. You had a lot of support from your parents and if they were protective before, they became even more so after what happened.

Fortunately, and with therapy, you were gradually able to overcome this trauma, being able to live your life like before again, with a lot of help from Rosé too. That's why whenever you fought with your mother, especially over stupid things, you ended up feeling somewhat guilty and ungrateful. While you were listening to your friends talking, your phone started ringing and you looked at the screen and saw "mummy". Standing up you told them you were going to answer a call and went out to talk to her. At the end of the call you were calmer and she even apologized to you. Surprising, I know. When you were getting ready to go back you felt someone's presence behind you and turned around, coming across a worried Jungkook.

"Is everything okay?"

"Ohh yeah everything's fine. My mom called me and I couldn't hear anything inside" Jungkook sat down on a little stair near the entrace mentioning for you to do the same.

"I noticed you're very quiet today and that's not you. What's wrong?"

"I had a huge fight with my mom today. It's rare when we fight but when it happens it's bad and it was over something so ridiculous. Now she called me to apologize and ask if I was alright and said she would always support me no matter what I decided to do and yeah that definitely made me feel better. Thanks for noticing Kook"

"No problem, smartass. We are friends and if you are unwell of course I will be concerned. Next time talk to me, maybe it will relieve you, you don't have to bear everything alone, you know that right?"

"I know you do, but thank you anyway." There was a pause and then you looked at him again and wrinkled your nose "I'm glad Rosé bugged me over and over again to hang out with you guys, it was probably one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life."

"I wish I had met you sooner, you know. In a way I think my life would have taken a 360 degree turn for the better if that had happened before." As he said this, his voice was so serious and soft at the same time it sent shivers down your spine. At that moment there was something between you and him that you couldn't describe, but you knew it was comforting, those words had made you feel shy, so you moved closer to him and laid your head on his shoulder.

"You may not believe it, but I believe things happen when and how they have to happen and if we only met now it is for a reason. Perhaps if we had met before we wouldn't get along as well as we do now. It's all in good time Kookie, even if we think it isn't." Jungkook grabbed your hand and intertwined it with yours, laying his head on top of yours. After that, neither of you spoke again, staying there feeling the gentle wind on your faces. You loved being like this with him, close to him, protected by him, because you knew that for you and your heart that was already a little more than just friendship.

After that day you didn't see Jungkook for some days, something about him being too busy managing his personal and professional life according to Tae's words. He, you and Rosé were having a great time. Together you would go to the pub every night, going to the city's famous nightclub aswell. Not that you were a club girl, you were more for them than for yourself, yet you can't deny you ended up having a good time. You found yourself missing Jungkook a lot more you thought you would, wondering what had him all caugh up that he couldn't even hang with you anymore.

Would it be Maddie or someone new?

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July 2016

Three weeks later and your birthday was finally here and you were super excited. You always loved celebrating birthdays, the coexistence, the surprises, everything about it excited you and this year wouldn't be different. You had gone to your grandparents house for the weekend with your parents. They lived two hours away from you so whenever you went to visit them you made sure to enjoy every second. During the days you were there, you always talked to Rosé, who told you how things were going with Tae and in a way also gave you updates on Jungkook. Apparently he had gone to a tattoo artists' conference abroad and forgot to activate his data so he could talk to everyone, losing his phone midway his trip. You were happy to know the reason for his disappearance was entirely professional.

You got back on Wednesday night a little before dinner time. You had just finished packing all your things when you heard someone knock on your bedroom door. Opening the door, you're met with a super excited Rosé "I missed you so much". She may look tough, but deep down you know she's a softie. You knew her presence there wasn't for nothing. According to her she was on a mission to get you to hang out with the group a bit. Initially you refused, saying you were too tired, but she knows how to persuade people very well and before you knew it, you were all dressed up and ready to walk out the door.

When you arrived at your usual spot you saw the usual table, occupied by the usual people, only this time there was one more person: a girl more or less your height and with dark, long hair. Honestly, her features were identical to yours, the only difference was the style of clothing she wore to show off her beautifully sculpted body. You didn't have that body, you were a little fuller than her, with more hips and your legs touched - your biggest insecurity. She took the seat next to Jungkook, where you usually sat. Rosé didn't notice your sudden change in behavior, perhaps because she was already focused on her boyfriend who was pointing to the seat next to him. When the others finally noticed your presence, both Jungkook and the mysterious girl next to him looked back and for a second you forgot how to walk. Shit. It's only been three weeks since you last saw him, but he looked different: stronger, more defined, more tattooed and even more handsome. He changed his haircut too and added two more earrings to the one he already had. Your eyes met for a few minutes, until you reached the table saying hi to everyone

"Y/n finally you give us an opportunity to see your pretty face" Tae said wrapping one arm around Rosé's chair. "I thought you were mad at us and were going to pull a Jungkook stunt."

"As if Tae, as if. It's only been five days since you last saw me, there's no need for you to miss me that much. Besides, you knew where I was and I was always contactable," you said, walking around the table. You noticed Jungkook had opened a space between him and Tae, perhaps for you to sit there, however, you grabbed a chair and pulled it next to Rosé. You saw Jungkook frowning.

"Yeah you're right. Regarding that, Jungkook is the master champ without a doubt, disappeared without saying anything and when he returned he brought a friendly surprise with him." Tae was teasing Jungkook but didn't get any reaction from him. You shrugged, opening the can of Coke Zero you ordered and pouring it into the glass with ice and lemon. "Expected" was all you said about it before the mood grew tense. Jungkook was still quiet, despite the girl next to him laughing at what was being said. The rest of the time was spent talking about plans for the rest of the summer and what to do before college started until Rosé mentioned your birthday.

"So as you guys know our Y/n's birthday is tomorrow and we have to celebrate properly, so tomorrow get ready to party all night long. There are no exceptions, so don't even remember to make plans for tomorrow, you hear Y/n? I'm going to be extremely upset" Rosé made you pinky swear you wouldn't bail at your own party. Around eleven p.m you left the pub where you were, ready to go home. Rosé and Tae were going home together and Jungkook was also supposed to go with the girl whose name you didn't know yet. You had two options: either you'd go with your best friend and her boyfriend or you'd for a walk alone. Obviously you chose the second option. Don't get the wrong impression, you loved to see them happy but you weren't going to submit yourself to that humiliation and even though she said they were going to take you home, you preferred to walk. It was your initial plan until Jungkook spoke to you for the first time that night.

"I can take you home Y/n. I have my car and Catherine lives nearby, we'll drop her quickly and then I'll drop you off safely" So that was her name- Catherine- how fancy you wanted to say. You declined the offer, saying you wanted to walk but Rosé insisted on what a good idea it was and how she felt more at ease knowing Jungkook was the one taking you, claiming she knew who to kill if something happened to you leaving you no choice but to hop on the car with him and fancy Catherine.

She went in the front seat while you got in the back. You heard them talk but you weren't interested in understanding what they were saying just in case you heard something you shouldn't. Instead you were focused in the view outside and how calm it seemed to be, with the light breeze passing over your skin. Five minutes later you felt the car stop and saw fancy Cathy kiss Jungkook on the cheek, says she would see him tomorrow, opened the door and left without saying anything to you. After all why would she? You didn't speak to her once or even tried to talk to her so you couldn't judge. She got out, yet the car remained stopped. At first you thought he was waiting for her to get inside but there was no sign of her anymore. You looked at Jungkook and he was already staring at you through the rearview mirror. "What?"

"I'm waiting for you to move to the front seat. Isn't that how it usually is?"

"I'm good, wasn't planning to move from here for a ten minute ride anyway." You have to admit that sounded harsher than it was supposed to. He didn't respond, but the car remained still. You heard him sigh. "If you don't move to the front then I'm the one who's going to the back" You mocked him

"You wouldn't do that, especially in front of fancy Cathy's house"

"Wanna bet?" Jungkook started by taking off his seatbelt and when he was about to open the door you got out and sat in the front seat. He grinned. "See? You moved pretty fast" you simply gave him your middle finger. "Soooo... fancy Cathy? Is that what we're calling her now?"

"I thought the name was very fancy, hence the nickname. Does it bother you?"

"Not me. Seems like it bothers you much more than it bothers me." You laughed "Keep dreaming" Jungkook drove just a few meters until he stopped the car in a small, empty park, turned off the car and looked at you, this time with a look that affected your entire body. "What's going on?" You gave him a confused look. "You're acting weird"

"I'm acting weird? You were the one disappearing on everyone and when you came back you spoke to everyone but me. Just figured you were occupied"

"That was my bad and I already apologized for that mistake. I had a last minute conference, it was work related I couldn't just say no. Then I lost my phone and all the contacts, it sucked to be honest, thank you for asking. When I saw Tae and Rosé again, you were already out of town, figured I'd wait for you to come back and tell you about my bad luck myself but then you didn't even spare me a glance"

"Well I'm sorry. Didn't want to get you in trouble"

"Catherine and I are just friends. She's new in town and just started working on the same store where I tattoo. We went to the conference together plus our boss, we ended up bonding" You scoffed at him

"I can imagine" Jungkook rolled his eyes. "Anyway, how long will we be here looking at nothing? It's midnight and I wanna re-" You couldn't finish the sentence because you saw Jungkook pick up a mini cupcake with a candle on top and grab a lighter.

"Happy birthday smarty pants"

The night of your birthday was starting off really nice.

You and your friends had dinner at one of your favourite restaurants. Jungkook, Tae and Rosé gave you an hotel gift card for two people for 5 nights. Then you guys head off for Seven Rings nightclub, where the majority of teenagers would go. That night you swore to only have fun, so you danced, drank and had cigarettes stolen from Jungkook, who was very displeased and gave them to you after a lot of insistence. You weren't a smoker but when you drank you felt the urge to taste that bitter cigarette taste.

You were on your fourth Sex on the beach and had to admit the jumpsuit Rosé had given you two years ago made you feel pretty sexy and confident. You had rarely used it and thought your birthday was a special day to do so. When you showed up, your friends jaw dropped and for a moment you think you saw Jungkook adjust his pants, or maybe it was just the three beers you had earlier taking effect. Either way, you were feeling amazing and after so many drinks you couldn't care less about your surroundings. Tae was the designated driver, which meant everyone else, including you, were drunk.

Right now you're on the dance floor with Rosé while Tae and Jungkook had gone to get a drink. You were so focused on the music that you only noticed a pair of hands around your waist when someone turned you around and came face to face with you. Jungkook had a cocktail in his hand while the other was on you, pressing you against him. He looked divine: black pants and plaid shirt slightly open and tight to his body, with some of his new tattoos on display and hair longer than usual. You can't deny he was a charming and sexy man and you couldn't judge the fact that all the women ate him up with their eyes, it's not like you've never done that either, like yesterday, when he dropped you off and you went to your room, grabbed your vibrator and started pleasing yourself thinking about him. You can't recall having such a strong orgasm before. Now he was dancing so close to you you could feel his breath hit your nose and you were sure he could feel your heart beat fast too. You could smell the perfume he 'stole' from you a while back too.

"If no one has told you yet let me be the first to say you look extremely sexy today"

"Well thank you loverboy. I tried my best today, after all it's not everyday you have an opportunity to celebrate another year of life" Jungkook approached your face even more, just to whisper in your ear "I'm glad to have an opportunity this year and I hope to have many more in the coming years as well."

"Ohh Kookie if I didn't know any better I'd say you were flirting with me" You knew the conversation had to end but you didn't expect him to keep up with your game.

"Who told you I'm not?" He was looking at you so intensely and you were so close to each other the only thing you could look at was his lips. You got closer and closer and when your lips were about to touch someone pulled him away. Behind him was Fancy Cathy in a top that showed almost everything and a skirt that looked more like panties. For such a fancy name, her clothing choices left a lot to be desired.

Jungkook was a little stunned, but managed to say something to her, turning his attention to you again with hopeful eyes. You know what he intended, but you couldn't. You had a plan for yourself and you couldn't get away from it, besides, he was one of your best friends, getting involved would ruin everything and he had already said he wasn't looking for something serious or a long-term relationship. You knew his focus was on enjoying life and having as many hook ups as possible. He tried to pull you close again but you stepped away a little and took a deep breath, excusing yourself to catch some air. He followed you "Y/n wait" - he reached for your arm as you turned around to face him again "talk to me!"

"There is nothing to talk about Jungkook this is wrong! I'm drunk and so are you, we'd wake tomorrow regretting our actions and would make things awkward between us. Let's face it, we'd never work out"

"Why? How'd you know that if you don't give yourself a chance to figure it out?" you hurt him and you could tell by his voice

"How do I know? just by what you told me Jungkook. I don't wanna be one of the many friends you fool around with whenever you feel like it and move on from when you're bored. That's you, not me"

"That's what you think of me hum? Good to know. Sorry for reading it all wrong." he started to turn around but looked at you again "You're right in one thing though, we'd never work out wanna know why? Because I wouldn't be able to handle such a prude like you. And just so you know, the only reason I went out with you on the first day was because Rosé and Tae convinced me. You didn't get along with anyone and your best friend would get so worried about you that Tae wanted to fuck her without having to worry about you calling her all the time"

Suddenly everything slowed down, the words, the people, the music- everything- Is that why she always insisted for you to go out with them and meet other people? because you were a burden? You didn't realize you were alone outside, nor that you sat on a chair looking into the darkness with tears streaming down your eyes, much less did you remember Rosé approaching you. Everything was blank

"Y/n? hey girl, are you feeling okay? Jungkook went inside saying he messed up. What happened?" You tried to say something but nothing would come out, only tears. The shock of those words left you completely speechless and the only thing you wanted was to get out of there. Rosé was joined by Tae, who looked at you with panic and concerned eyes, tried to get close to you but you pushed him and he didn't force it. When you felt calmer, you got up without talking to any of them and went to the bathroom. There, you cleaned the mess on your face and texted your dad if he could come and pick you up. You got an answer within 2 minutes telling you to wait for him outside the club. You left the bathroom and went to the girl who keeps the coats and bags and handed over your ID to get your belongings back when Rosé found you again. "Y/n talk to me, what's wrong with you? What did Jungkook say to make this upset?"

"What did he say? What you never had the courage to tell me. I already understood everything Rosé. Don't worry, it's okay, I'm tired and I want to go home, my father is already on his way so there's no need to worry about my whereabouts. Enjoy it with your friends" As you headed towards the exit, you looked at the counter and you were sure it was Jungkook ordering a drink with Fancy Cathy by his side. Son of a bitch - he ruined your night, turned your head into mush and still comes out on top.

Motherfucker

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The next day you woke up with a massive headache. Your phone had ran out of battery and you didn't even bother to plug it. You made it load up, opened the windows and went to take a shower. Your parents had already gone to work, meaning you were on your own. Your father was very worried about you last night, but you said everything was fine, that your period started and you were in pain and uncomfortable. You don't know if he believed it, but it helped for him not to bring up the subject again.

30 minutes after a nice shower, you wrapped yourself on your towel and got dressed. You glanced at your phone and saw dozens of messages from Rosé and Tae, but nothing from Jungkook. You figured he was too busy fooling around with fancy Cathy to acknowledge the shit he said yesterday. You ignored them all, put your headphones on and decided to tidy up your room, which was a mess. Next week you'd know the answers from the colleges you applied to and if everything went well you'd be far away by the end of September.

4 days passed after that day

Every now and then you'd receive a text from Rosé mostly. From Tae you received two the day after the incident saying "whatever Jungkook said, I'm sorry" and "please don't push us away. Rosé and I are worried about you" None of them ever mentioned Jungkook, nor had he tried to contact you after that. One of those times, you replied to Rosé saying you needed some space and wanted to be alone. Despite everything, she was still your best friend and it wasn't her fault, but Jungkook's words echoed in your head over and over again.

Monday.

You had finally left your house after being locked up for days. Your mother was working at the animal shelter she used to volunteer and asked you to stop by the grocery store to pick up a few things she needed. 3 p.m and you were wearing black shorts and a gray tshirt and your hair was loose, freshly washed. You had your headphones on and were completely relaxed in Walmart when you saw a familiar figure. You tried to turn around without anyone noticing you, but it was impossible because you immediately felt a hand on your arm. When you turn around, you come face to face with a worried and sad Rosé.

"Please don't run away Y/n. You're killing me with worry and you've distanced yourself from me and I don't even know why." At that moment you felt a pang of guilt- she was right - despite everything, the mess was between you and Jungkook, not anyone else. You bought what you needed and the two of you went for a drink nearby. Even without any need, you were nervous.

"I miss you bestie. What the hell happened that night? I spoke with Jungkook and the only thing he said was how he fucked up and how sorry he was. He disappeared too, Tae has been with him but refuses to let me know what the hell happened and I just feel lost."

The events of that night pass through your memory for the thousandth time. "Jungkook and I were dancing. We were both kinda drunk, he flirted with me and I flirted back, friendly teasing. Then we started getting closer and closer until we were interrupted by the friend who went with us the other day. She messed with Jungkook and I think it dawned on me what was about to happen and I panicked" suddenly you felt tears prying your eyes but you kept talking. "I started thinking about my future plans, our friendship, our goals… about how he behaves when it comes to girls- I don't know, I was afraid of I don't even know what honestly. I ended up telling him I needed some air and he followed me, we argued. I told him we were both drunk and were confusing things and we would regret our actions the next day and it wasn't going to work out between us. He freaked out, but I was honest Rosé. After Josh I never got along with any other male, I don't see things the way he sees them, how he handles female friendships- I was an idiot but so was he"- You took a deep breath- "In the end he agreed we would never work out because he couldn't be with a prude like me and that he only started hanging out with me because you guys had convinced him. Not to mention that Tae was fed up with you constantly being worried about me that you couldn't even fuck, something like that. After half of those words I couldn't think straight and I just wanted to run away from there so I went to the bathroom and asked my dad to pick me up. The end."

Rosé's expression was pure shock. "Y/n that's.... That's not true. I mean yeah me and Tae wanted to introduce you to him but only because we thought you guys would hit off pretty good and in fact you did! It had nothing to do with us fucking- anyway. I am speachless. Peanut, I'm so sorry for this mess, I didn't realize any of that, if only I had seen it coming." Rosé grabbed your hand and squeezed it - "I didn't even notice Jungkook was drinking- I heard him say he'd only be up to water and juice- which is not an excuse- I- Fuck!" she stopped talking for a bit " I spoke with him after you left, he was panicking, saying he messed everything up with you, how he didn't mean to say what he did. Tae went with him to catch some air while I stayed with Catherine, we dropped him home and then he vanished aswell" She didn't say anything else and you weren't interested in knowing more about him either. You know you overreacted that day, but that didn't justify the angry words that came out of his mouth. If you knew, you would never have gone to that damn nightclub.

You and Rosé continued to sit there and after you calmed down, she changed the subject. You already missed being with her like this: with no stress, without worries. Shortly after, you returned home, but not before promising her you wouldn't vanish again without first giving an explanation. Truth to be told, she was always more rational than you.

The rest of the days flew by. You never saw Jungkook again and you also chose not to cross paths with Tae, perhaps out of shame of what he might have heard and what he might know. The good part was that you started doing more for yourself: you joined the gym, you committed to reading more and soon you'd know where you were going to study. You were excited as hell, after everything, you just wanted to get out of that city, meet new people, focus on something other than how Jungkook made you feel that night and how little he cared about you.

He wasn't a bad person and he never gave you reasons to be mad at him and maybe you overreacted that night and were a bit off limits with what you said, but the way you'd see him with different girls would always make you feel tensed up and weird. How could he be with so many girls at the same time? You knew he had a type: all the girls he had been with were so similar to you that you didn't want to be just one more of his conquest.

You were now 19 and still a virgin, always extremely shy and never felt comfortable with guys after Josh so that topic was something you were sensitive about. No one knew other than Rosé-who was way more experienced than you- however she never pressured you into anything, on the opposite, she always encouraged you over the person who was your first, since she had a terrible experience in this aspect. Intimicy was something you found difficult to have with someone else and maybe that's the main reason it'd confuse you how Jungkook could be with so many people at the same time and for them to be alright, you'd never understand that.

Ohhh Jungkook

He never reached out or would cross patches with you either. Whenever you'd hang out with Rosé and Tae he'd never show up. There was this one time you think you saw him at the same place as you but you panicked so much you didn't get the courage to see if it was really him or not. When you looked back again he wasn't there anymore - maybe it was a mirage- you missed him so much, despite everything, he meant so much for you, he understood you like no other and would always support you no matter what. You never thought your friendship or whatever existed between you would break over something so silly

It had been two weeks since that day. You already knew where you were going to study, in fact college wasn't too far away - 1 hour by car and 30minutes by train, which you could catch sometimes, even though you decided to stay in the dorms, only going back home from time to time. Everything was outlined. Among your hobbies, you had also gotten a part-time job at a cafe that allowed you to earn some money until you went to college. You would only start taking things in mid or late September to start classes in the beginning of October. You were excited - new place, new people - everything meant to be perfect - but you should know not everything goes as we would like and you would be proof of that very soon.

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September 2016

It was the last week before your classes started and you moved permanently. Together with your parents, you had already gone to visit the room where you'd be staying, taking some things there. Today was also your last day at work, so to celebrate you, Rosé, Tae and some of your co-workers: Jade, Leigh and Jackson went out for dinner, followed by a movie session of the latest horror film that had come out: M3gan 2.0. You were excited and at the same time nervous and nostalgic. You had never left the protective wings of your parents, or even gone to a place where you didn't know anyone. Within a week you were on your own and it was making you anxious, even though you know it's part of the moving process.

You had just finished dinner at McDonald's and were about to buy tickets for the 9 p.m. session, but you needed to go to the bathroom first, which happened to be in the same hallway as the cinema entrance, telling Rosé to buy your ticket while you were there. Two minutes later you were done, washed your hands, checked your makeup and headed towards your friends, when suddenly you felt your phone vibrate inside your bag and you looked down at it, trying to find it. It was only seconds, but that was all it took for you to go against someone

"God I'm sorry. I was distracted and didn't see - " Words failed you as you looked up and saw a face you were all too familiar with. In front of you was Jungkook, with the same bambi eyes and the same piercing in the corner of his mouth, but more robust, even more tattooed and sexy as fuck. After your birthday in July, you never spoke again, you only knew he was now working full time at the tattoo shop and how he'd go out with Tae from time to time, but nothing more- you wouldn't ask and Rosé wouldn't tell you either.

You avoided to know about him or see something on his social media because it hurt how casual he moved on like you didn't matter when you were still stuck on that moment. Every time you thought about those words, the cold look, the lack of interest he had in at least admitting he fucked up, cut you in thin layers 'til this day. Maybe if you guys had spoken, today you could remain friends and put that mistake behind you.

Jungkook's face was tense at the sight of you, pale. You could see he wasn't expecting to see you there and didn't know how to react at your presence. The atmosphere was so heavy you just wanted to disappear from there, so you adjusted your bag, bowed and were ready to move until you heard his voice. It was just then that you noticed yourself holding back tears. "I'm sorry". You were confused and he could tell by your face. You took a deep breath.

"You don't need to apologize, I was the one who accidentally bumped against you." He just looked at you. He didn't know how to respond, there was no way, he knew he had fucked up with those ignorant words that only came out because he was angry, he knew he shouldn't have let you go without making the effort to talk to you, but he didn't have balls to do it, he was rude and used arguments he knew would hurt you and he felt so guilty and ashamed he didn't know how to face you after. When he woke up the next morning he realized the shit he had done, yet it was too late and he was too selfish to take the first step. In his head he'd be fine, you were just someone who had crossed his path and he let go.

Until it wasn't fine... at all

He found himself writing to you a million times and deleting after, every day he'd look over your social media to see what were you up to and every day he'd run past your house, telling himself that it was just a short road to his house, deep down using it as an excuse to see if he would cross paths with you. He would ask Tae about you, however he never gave much away, their friendship was also shaky after the way he used his and Rosé's names to unfairly attack you created some distance and only recently things have started to feel normal again. Now, seeing you in front of him, so beautiful, yet so broken was grinding him inside because he knew he was the one who had taken away the shine you once radiated. He had to say something

"I already know that you managed to get where you wanted. Congratulations Y/n, I'm glad you got what you wanted from the beggining."

"Thank you" you turned your head to look for some of your friends and coming face to face with Jackson waiting for you. "I have to go, I have people waiting for me." when you were ready to return to your group you felt Jungkook's hand on your wrist.

"I know I'm the last person you want to see in front of you and I know it's too late and you probably hate me. Not that it's much help, but I want you to know that I also hate myself for that day. Besides losing someone very important to me I also ruined a special day for you and I'm sorry Y/n, for everything." you felt your face getting wet and with your sleeve you wiped the tears rolling down your cheeks. "

Not that it changes anything but thank you for this, I really appreciate those words." You couldn't say anything else, so you mumbled a "Sorry, I really have to go" and quickened your pace. Today was supposed to be a day where your only concern was to have fun, not end the night crying. At another time you knew Jungkook would be your support. In another time you knew your last days in the city would be with him, but on this very moment you only felt sadness invading your entire being because it wasn't possible. Damn, you just wanted to be in his comfort, between his arms and his warmth, he was the person who made you feel the safest and now you were completely unprotected. You missed him but right now there was no way you could reconnect with each other and maybe that was the best

For now

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October 3rd 2016

First day of school and you were a nervous wreck. A much bigger school than you were used to, with so many different things. You were trying to find the first classroom when a girl bumped into you, someone a little taller than you, light brown hair that almost reached her butt, hazel brown eyes.

"Hello- Hi- sorry, didn't see where I was going." She looked nervous, just like you.

"Hi, it's okay, it happens. First day?"

"Yes and to make it better I don't know anyone or know how and where to find the classroom and I'm going to be late. Did you see how big this is? It's easy to get lost here." You both laughed.

"I know what you're saying. I got into Education - my goal is to be a kindergarden teacher, yours?"

"Oh my God same! does that mean we're in the same class? I'm Alexa by the way."

"Y/n, nice to meet you. So let's go find this classroom or what?"

Alexa was very nice and committed, as well as calm. During the day you also met two more girls: Ivy and Jess. Both Alexa and Jess lived in the city, but you and Ivy, since you were from far away, had rooms close to college and the best thing was that you both actually stayed in the same dorm. That day, when you spoke to your mother and told her you had made new friends and that one of them was luckily your roommate you noticed the calmness in her voice. By the end of the week you already knew college inside out, as well as the buses and trains you had to take.

It didn't take long until Friday arrived and you were waiting for the bus near your dorm. You were going back home to see your parents, since they almost made you promise you would go home at least two or three times a month. When the bus arrived, you chose a seat and put on your headphones to drown out the noise around you until you caught yourself looking at a boy who in turn was already looking at you. You smiled and looked away embarrassed. About five minutes later you felt a tap on your shoulder

"Excuse me, can I sit here?" A blond guy with honey color eyes and a perfect smile planted in his face said. He wasn't very tall, around 1.70m but damn was he attractive. Since you couldn't formulate a verbal response, you just nodded and he smiled and sat down next to you. At first he didn't say anything, but then he started talking to you about college life and how difficult it could be. You found out he had been here for a year, but had switch majors to Economics, so he was repeating his first year again although he had already completed some subjects due to his previous major. The conversation between you was so interesting that before you knew it, you had arrived at the train station.

You thought you wouldn't see him again so soon, but you were surprised to see him get on the same train: curiously, you discovered you lived in neighboring towns, ten minutes apart by car. During your conversation, he seemed interesting and humble and above all, he was going through a complicated process since he had just lost his grandmother a week ago. You had never experienced the pain of such a loss, so you sympathized with his pain, just imagining losing someone so close to you gave you chills. He left before you, so before he got to his stop he asked for your social media and added each other. In your opinion it was still too early for you to give him your number and you didn't even know if you would see him again, but the truth is that you were curious about him.

When you got home, there was a message from him on Facebook and then you started talking every day. At first, you didn't mention it to your mother or Rosé, but both of them noticed your phone wouldn't stop vibrating and you ended up confessing you were meeting someone. Your mother was shocked, but Rosé was a little apprehensive.

"I thought you would be happy to see me talking to someone of the opposite sex" you said jokingly. She sighed.

"And I am, baby. I guess deep down I thought you and Jungkook would turn things around and get over what happened before and get close again. You were perfect together." Since that little encounter a month ago, you haven't seen or spoken to him again. Of course at first you compared Jungkook to Peter, they were the opposite of each other and you missed Jungkook's craziness, but it was time to move on.

"Ohh c'mon Rosé, it was never like that and you know it. We got along so well because I was the only one who could resist his charms from the very beginning. I knew everything about him, the good and the dirt, the girlfriends, conquests, flings, you name it. It never went beyond that, don't be silly." She scoffed

"Ohh Y/n please, you're the idiot one, that guy almost got boners every time you'd walk by. He'd look at you and his eyes would literally lit up, whenever you'd speak he'd be the most attentive one, even if it was the dumbest shit ever! That's why Tae and I were so sure something would happen between you two. I know he felt something for you and it wasn't just friendship."

"If he felt something then why didn't he ever say anything? Why was he always with a different girl? Why did he say he just wanted to enjoy life without thinking about serious relationships? I think you two are the ones who traveled too far and saw things where they didn't exist."

"Because both you and him are stubborn as hell and he knew about your goals and that you were leaving soon or maybe out of fear just like you. It may not seem like it Y/n, but he's more serious than you think and he's very intense. It saddens me that's all, I think you would make a wonderful couple." You didn't say anything else. First you didn't know what to say and second you weren't interested, not anymore.

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November 2016

You and Peter talked every day and ironically you ended up seeing each other every day either on the bus or when he'd go see you when you finished classes or vice versa. At this point you had already exchanged numbers and were officially dating, life was going well and you were finally starting to be happy again, but nothing lasts forever and what was one of your biggest fears would come true way too soon.

Classes were starting to take a heavy toll on you: lots of work for more than 10 different subjects, group and individual projects and and you were getting into a nervous spiral, time seemed to be running out. It was wednesday, around 7 p.m and you were so envolved on your homework about child development that it took you a while to notice someone was calling you. Looking over to your phone you saw a call from your dad.

"Hey dad, what's up?" It was rare for him tocall you; it was usually your mother.

"Hey honey, how are you?" He had an apprehensive tone.

"I'm fine but you don't seem so well dad, what's going on?" He avoided answering at first and you stopped what you were doing and started walking around the room.

"Baby we need to talk. First of all I want you to try and stay calm, okay? It's about your mother…" The rest of his words were whispers, everything became a blur and before you knew it, you were packing a small bag and heading to the bus stop as fast as you could. From what you could gather from your father's words, your mother wasn't feeling well and started throwing up a lot. At first, they thought it was indigestion, but then she started to feel strong back pain and had difficulty breathing and keeping her balance and he took her to the hospital at her request. She was someone who hated the smell of hospitals so for her to ask to go there was already a red flag.

While you waited to reach your destination, you sent a quick text to Peter saying your mother had felt unwell and you had to leave in a hurry to be close to your dad. A journey that took 30 minutes was taking ages and you could only imagine the worst case scenarios. When you arrived at the station, you took the first taxi you saw and went straight to the hospital where you found your father sitting with his head in his hands.

"Dad- dad, how is mom? Have they said anything? I'm here now, sorry it took so long."

"Your mother is doing tests, I don't know anything yet, baby. Don't apologize, everything will be fine, let's try to stay calm." And you waited for minutes, hours, you couldn't even tell the difference anymore.

11:13 pm

Neither you nor your father had eaten and the pain of not knowing anything was killing you. Suddenly you saw a nurse walking towards you and stood up.

"Marie Evans' family?"

"Yes it's us."

"We've just finished all the tests and have confirmed the diagnosis. Mrs. Evans has advanced pancreatitis and is currently on medication. We're waiting for her condition to improve so we can transfer her to a better ward. You can come with me, give her a kiss and collect her belongings, please." You were the first entering the room where your mother was. She had all kinds of devices connected to her: both inside and out, you had never seen anything like it and immediately started crying.

"Please don't cry baby, it's okay, I'll be fine. I want you to remain calm and never give up on your goals. It's late my love, go home with your father, get some rest and don't forget you have classes tomorrow. I love you very much, you're my dream come true. Both you and your father are my life and I'll always take care of you." Her words were weak and you could see the effort she was making to say them.

You kissed her forehead and told her you loved her. Your father came in shortly after and you said goodbye to her along with her belongings: cell phone, glasses and wedding ring. All of this is the sum total of a human being and the memories they carry. They kept your number in case there was any change in her condition. That night you slept in your father's bed, you couldn't go to your room alone, needless to say you didn't sleep at all that night.

8 a.m and your father called the hospital to find out about your mother's condition and they told him everything was normal. After these words you were able to rest a little until you woke up to the sound of your phone ringing and the number of the hospital you had saved earlier.

10 a.m and you got the worst news. Your mother wasn't responding to the treatment and her organs were failing and if you wanted to say goodbye to her you had to go there immediately, because they didn't know how long she would be able to resist. The world fell apart and everything went numb.

10:45a.m you and you dad were at the hospita. You had dark circles under your eyes and you still hadn't stopped crying while your father tried to stay calm. You arrived at the hospital and the first thing you did was to go to the reception to find something out. Apparently she had been transferred to the ICU and a nurse was coming to guide you. The way there was dark and morbid, you had never felt this emptiness and cold inside you before.

11:22 a.m. a nurse came to you again and looked at you with such sad eyes that she approached you with a glass of water.

"Do you want to go in and say goodbye to her one last time?" You said yes and put on those protective suits, gloves and masks. When you got to her side, you couldn't take it anymore and fell on your knees next to her bed, crying desperately.

"I can't, please get me out of here, I can't." she was pale and cold, breathing with the help of a ventilator that would soon stop working. It wasn't her anymore, it was just a body. The nurse helped you out while your father stayed there a little longer. The last thing you remember was fainting in the nurse's arms.

12:08 p.m - after regaining consciousness, your father took you out to get some air and the two of you sat on a bench.

"We have to eat something, sweetheart."

"I know, dad."

"Shall we go?" You shook your head, but neither of you moved to the cafeteria, but instead to the waiting room where a doctor came to you minutes later.

"I'm sorry to inform you, but her condition is deteriorating significantly. We can't guarantee how long it will take: it could be hours or it could be a matter of minutes. I'm so sorry."

1.45 p.m and you were still waiting sitting on those sad and lifeless blue chairs. As much as you could, you informed your closest family so that they could be prepared for anything. You were so young, but with such a huge responsibility you wondered how long you'd be albe to hold on. The same nurse who helped you a few hours ago came back to you.

"Do you want to try going in one more time?" You nodded and went back in with your father. This was the last time you were going to see your mother, you had to say goodbye somehow, no matter how much it would cost you. You approached her and took her cold hand. "I know you've been waiting to go, mom. I'm sorry for keeping you locked up here. I know you did everything you could and that you'll always keep an eye out for us. You can go, mom, we'll be fine. Go in peace, just don't forget that I love you very much and I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

2.30 p.m and the doctor responsable for your mother called you and your father into a private room, telling you to sit down. You understood everything. As soon as he said, "I'm sorry," you lowered your head to cry. "We don't understand what happened or why she stopped responding to treatment, but her condition was always very delicate. She never stabilized normally and had very intense peaks. As nurse Adams explained, the situation got worse in the early hours of the morning and to avoid even more suffering we had to put her into a coma." He spoke, but you didn't understand anything.

You were empty inside. You didn't even remember leaving the hospital, all you knew was when you left those diabolical doors, Peter, Rosé, Tae and Jungkook were waiting for you, with tears on their faces. You didn't think much and ran out: not to your best friend, nor to your boyfriend, but to the person who hurt you a while ago: Jungkook: he was the one you needed right now. Jungkook hugged you so tightly that luckily you didn't lose your breath. You cried against his chest and he cried silently for you, affirming that everything was going to be okay and from that moment on nothing would take you both apart.

Two weeks have passed

It's been two long weeks since you lost your mother and you just went back to college. Between organizing the funeral and managing to stay on your feet, at the same time being the only pillar of support for your father who was also trying to cope with the pain of an unexpected loss.

After the funeral, you isolated yourself more at home, trying to find a way to move on. You've been receiving texts from your friends giving you strength, although they're giving you the space they know you need. This whole situation has helped you and Jungkook to end up getting a little closer too, he'd show up at your door with food or suplies Rosé would tell him you needed and he'd buy. Other times he'd cook for you and make you company while your dad had to go work.

You and Jungkook agreed to put things behind and be friends, but never went back to the way they were before, plus now you were with Peter and he was also getting to know someone who frequented his tattoo store often. It's a good thing you moved on, because he did too. You both moved on and learnt from past mistakes and you were just grateful for having him in your life again, slowly going back to normal.

Now about Peter, he has been with you and supporting you a lot too. The fact he also went through the loss of his grandmother not long ago made him more familiar with all these new feelings on your side, making it easier to talk to him. On one occasion, you even told him you weren't going to do anything to end your life, but if it happened you wouldn't care. You still couldn't accept you had lost the person who gave you affection and comfort even if the world was against you. On top of that, you stayed with your father who, like you, was in pieces and dealing with college, paper works and internships was driving you crazy.

A few months passed and you were now in June and almost done with the last semester of your first year of college. On one hand, you felt time had passed quickly, but on the other, you felt that it hadn't passed quickly enough. Your relationship with Peter continued to go well, as did your friendship with Rosé and Tae. As for Jungkook, even though you were on good terms it was never the same as before and as time passed you'd only speak from time to time.

When you returned home you made a point of meeting them all. On one of those meetings, you took Peter with you and to your surprise, when you got close to your friends, Jungkook was also there with his girlfriend- Yes it was official- In one of your visits you heard Tae say Jungkook had made his relationship with Sophia official. At first, you thought it would be like the other times, but when Tae mentioned they had been seeing each other for months, you kept quiet. She had managed to change Jungkook's mind in a matter of months. Now seeing her in person you couldn't deny how gorgeous she was: brunette, tall, honey brown eyes with some tattoos on her body, older than him and richer, a deadly combination. Both attractive and perfect for each other. You already noticed Jungkook has a type since all the girls you saw him with had the same features.

How ironic

It was awkward at first and you thanked the heavens that Peter wasn't shy like you. He was outgoing and talkative, always had something to talk about and when he didn't he would invent something. Sophia was also chatty and seemed like a good girl deep down. When she wasn't talking, she was snuggled up to Jungkook and sometimes you noticed her eyes darting between you and Jungkook. You just smiled.

She smiled back.

Nothing lasts forever

What you thought was the best thing that ever happened to you turned into a huge nightmare. You were currently on vacation and wouldn't be back to college until October. You had been with Peter for 9 months now and although everything was perfect at first, you were now starting to have second thoughts. A while ago, you noticed his behavior changing and you met a more controlling, manipulative and demanding Peter. You were constantly receiving texts from him asking what were you doing and where you were and if you didn't answer within 5 minutes, he'd flip. When you were studying for your final exams back in May/ June, you weren't paying so much attention to your phone and your father or roomate would show up next to you with his phone in his hand saying Peter was on the other line to talk to you. Of course, this always led to a lot of arguments.

You hated the fact he thought you had to be there for him the entire time. Then he started to pick on you what you wore: either because it was too short and showed off your curves or because it was too colorful and caught others attention. And finally he got to the point where he also started to get mad when you were out with Rosé and Tae. They didn't like him that much and when these situations started to happen, they hated him even more. Your father had also told you he wasn't the man for you. Yes, your own father thought he was childish and stupid and only accepted him because it was your choice. Embarassing how he saw it before you.

He just didn't pick on Jungkook because he didn't know you two used to be that close hence you'd never mention him before, although that had started to change recently. Truth be told, your mother's death had served as a tool for you and Jungkook to get closer again. It had started with small texts here and there asking if you were okay and how you were managing all of it. Little by little you started hanging out with the group again and although it was weird at first, little by little it started to feel like the old days. Until this one day when you had gone to Target to buy some things and in the same aisle you saw Jungkook. At first he didn't see you, but when he looked up he recognized you and came over to you, talked for a while and when you were about to say goodbye he invited you for a coffee. You were embarrassed to admit time with Jungkook had passed so quickly and you didn't even noticed it, something you didn't feel with Peter, whenever you were with him you wanted to leave.

From that day on, you and Jungkook had started hanging out and talking more. He said his girlfriend didn't care and wasn't jealous, that she also went out with her friends. On the other hand, you hid these little hang outs with Jungkook from Peter because you knew it would cause unnecessary mess. You often confided in Jungkook about your relationship, that it wasn't working out and you didn't know how to get out of it, because he had helped you so much and you were feeling ungrateful for even thinking about ending it.

Peter was also your first, even though he was an idiot about it. You were honest with him about everything related to sex and he always respected you on that. One day you were at his house and were making out and things were evolving very quickly until he stopped and suggested for you to go to the bathtub. When you asked him why, he simply replied "Since it's your first time, you're going to bleed and to avoid dirtying the sheets it's better to go to the bathtub, because it's easier to clean"

When you heard that, you instantly lost your excitement and felt ridiculous. You slapped him so hard your hand left a mark on his face, and left. Stupidly, you ended up forgiving him a couple weeks later, after a lot of work on his part. A short time later, he prepared a romantic dinner and that's when you lost your virginity, however, it wasn't what you expected at all- he was insensitive and rough. He taught you how to suck his dick but didn't want to eat you out because it was "disgusting." He didn't wait until you were wet enough to start the act, which ended up hurting you terribly. It lasted 2 minutes and then he got dressed and went out for a smoke. You swore to yourself if sex was always like this, you'd never want to have it again.

It was the first and last time you did it

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September 1st, 2017

It was Jungkook's birthday and your group of friends had planned to go out. You and Peter were going through (another) rough time so you didn't even invite him. You had planned to go to St. Pierre, a nearby restaurant with affordable prices and excellent food. You, Rosé and Tae were already there when Jungkook arrived with Sophia, holding hands and smiling. Every now and then you forgot that he was a committed guy. They greeted everyone and sat next to each other. My goodness, they were really perfect together, you could tell there was stability in their relationship by the way they acted, the way they spoke and you felt sad for a moment. Damn, you had been through so much and you hadn't even had any luck in love. You got so lost in your thoughts that you only realized it when you felt a light kick and realized it was Jungkook calling your attention, with a worried look while the others remained excited in their conversation. You smiled at him and nodded to assure him you were fine.

After dinner, you went to a bar. Although you were enjoying the atmosphere, you couldn't help but feel a little out of place. Everyone was in couples and happy while you were alone, feeling like you didn't belong. Everyone was dancing and you informed Rosé you were going for a drink, ordered something and went to get some air on the terrace. You picked up your phone and found a ton of texts from Peter - you didn't reply to any of them.

"Is everything okay?" You were surprised to see Jungkook next to you, also with a drink in his hand.

"You scared me Jk" you laughed "Yes, everything's fine, it was very hot inside and the night is amazing so I came here for a bit" He leaned on the railing and rested his arms on it

"You're acting weird. As much as you want to hide it I know you pretty well, I know when something isn't right. Is it Peter?" You sighed and imitated his position.

"That too. I'm tired and I don't even know why. I see everyone around me having fun, living life and being truly happy and I wonder what I did wrong to not be able to enjoy things without feeling bad or guilty for just living. Fuck, look at me. A place full of couples and here I am alone because my boyfriend only does shit and we are more often mad at each other than we are actually happy." You hadn't realized, but the distance between your body and his had gotten smaller. How? No idea. He had turned around and was now leaning his back against the railing, his arms still resting on it, looking at you.

"Sometimes things aren't as they seem. People are actors and those around them only see what they want them to see. I know this first hand" You were going to ask what he meant by that, but stopped when you felt his hand on your shoulder "Break up with him Y/n. If he doesn't make you happy, if he doesn't do you any good leave him. You deserve much more than living with someone who is always criticizing and hurting you."

"Jungkook I..." you couldn't finish your sentence because behind you you heard a throat rumbling and that's when you remembered: Sophia. You quickly turned around to see a confused Rosé.

"You were taking too long so I came to see if everything was okay. Jungkook, Sophia was looking for you, she just went to the bathroom to touch up her makeup." Jungkook nodded and without saying anything looked at you, then at Rosé and went inside. Few seconds later she spoke

"What are you doing peanut? He's dating! As unhappy as you are, don't involve other people. It took a lot for Jungkook to finally meet someone decent and Sophia is actually a good girl and is good for him. Don't ruin your friendship like last time, please."

"Are you crazy? Rosé, you know I'd never do anything to hurt him, who do you think I am? What a shitty thing to say" however you knew what she meant and you couldn't get mad at her because deep down she said what you really felt: Jungkook made you nervous and confused and when you were with him you couldn't help but feel special, to the point to forget he had a girlfriend, a serious relationship and you had someone too, even if it's bad. Sophia was good to Jungkook, they were great together and everyone noticed, even you. That doesn't mean you didn't feel a pang of jealousy: everything you wanted was there, but far far away from you.

You had reached your limit

Once again you and Peter were having a huge argument, this time because you were wearing shorts and a black shirt that were a little too tight for your body. Your father always told you were better than that and you knew he was right and it was time to do something to change that.

There were two weeks left until you started your second year of college and you decided to take advantage of this time with your father and go visit your grandparents. For Peter, it was a tragedy you hadn't taken him and even more so when you refused to go on vacation with him to visit your family. In the end, you were just gaining a little more courage to end things. After Jungkook's birthday, you had met up one more time, two days later at the usual place. All your friends were there and you ended up mentioning that since it was almost time for you to return to college life, you were going to enjoy the rest of your time in your grandparents house. Everyone said they were going to miss you but Jungkook asked how long you were going to be away. Rosé and Tae tried to change the subject as they noticed Sophia's gaze on him and then on you. It was a simple question, but it created some tension there. You didn't see fury in her eyes nor could you grasp what kind of feelings that look conveyed.

You were the first to leave, insisting you still had things to pack and organize before leaving and you hugged them all one by one. When it was Jungkook's turn you smiled, there was no need to say anything. He also hugged you tightly, caressing the back of your head and thanked you for being part of his life again. Finally it was Sophia's turn and she had half smile on her lips and opened her arms to say goodbye. You approached her "Thank you for taking care of Jungkook and for doing so much for him" she looked at you with a smile and hugged you even tighter.

She really was a good vibe and if he was happy then so were you

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It's been 3 days since you got to you grandparents house and you felt like home. In here you felt a huge presence of your mom lingering around. Your first night there you cried with your grandmother, you could have lost a mother but she lost a daughter and it was being infernal for everyone. One thing you noticed about grief was that it felt like a rollercoaster: You could be fine for days, maybe weeks and then one day you'd wake up and couldn't get out of bed. It also helped define your relationship with Peter. You weren't happy and he was becoming increasingly toxic, so you decided to put an end to the relationship. You thought you would feel bad, but you discovered in the end the only feeling you felt was relief. Although you know he will ask you for another chance and will run into you at college, things will work out better this way, at least for you.

It was the third night and you received a text from Jungkook asking how were you and you still hadn't answered. As time went by, you began to realize Jungkook didn't belong in your past and seeing him with Sophia broke your heart little by little and although you were happy that he was okay, you knew this whole situation was partly your fault. If you hadn't been a coward and run away that night, maybe the girl in his arms right now would be you and not her. You were in the middle of whether to answer or not when you moved your finger and it accidentally clicked the call button. You mentally facepalmed yourself and were about to hang up when he answered. Fuck

"H- hi. I'm sorry I didn't mean to call."

"Ohh" silence "It's okay, I'm glad you did though, how are you?" You did pause on that question. You weren't okay at all, but you didn't want to be talking about it with him.

"I'm fine I guess. You?" you heard a dry laugh on the other side

"You're a terrible liar smarty pants, you know that right?" You mentally hit yourself "you can be honest with me, I've told you that so many times. You don't have to pretend with me"

"I'm trying to be okay but it takes time you know. I love being here with my grandparents and my dad, yet I have too many memories of my mom and it's drowning me. That and… well, I broke up with Peter" you heard a throat clearing.

"Did- did you really break up? Did he do something to you?"

"Yes, we broke up. There was no way back, the way he sees life and the way I see it are completely different. Besides, he was becoming more and more possessive and manipulative and I wasn't well anymore. I let myself be out of convenience maybe. Stupid, I know, but I felt alone and he understood how I felt about the loss of my mother and… I don't know- I think it was more because of that, because deep down I always knew we had no future together."

"We need to do a lot of shit to finally see what we have in front of us and find the right person"

"You're speaking for yourself aren't you? for someone who didn't want any kind of serious connection to anybody, you and Sophia are getting along really well." a brief pause "I'm really happy for you guys, everyone can tell you're happy and I have to thank her. Somehow she managed to change something in you, that's a huge deal already. I'm glad you found someone who motivate you to take risks and settle down." There was a brief silence until Jungkook said

"Yes, I think so. There are people who come into our lives to show us something, right?"

"Exactly. Like me and Peter," you laughed, "he definitely came into my life to show me that bad things never come alone. That and the fact now I'm even more sure of what I don't want in my life. Anyway, sorry to bother you so late at night, it really was an accident and I don't want to interfere in your life, it's better to hang up before Sophie gets upset."

"She won't, don't worry. Besides, I'm glad you called. Enjoy your time at your grandparents' and don't forget to give signs of life from time to time in your busy student life." You said goodbye and hung up the phone. It was in those moments you realized how much you missed Jungkook, because only he knew the right way to calm you down and cheer you up. Even if you don't want to admit it, you envy Sophia. She was able to change his view on relationships and you end up imagining what could have happened if you had been the one to give him that opportunity. Back then you were still very childish and had a lot to live and learn in life and Jungkook had a lot of growth to do too, even though there's always that "what if" question thing. "What if things were different?" Now Jungkook already had his other half

And how sad you felt about that

Taglist: @fangirl9990 @httpsmei @petroogorodnik @diptylkrtk @beattiestreet @troublemaker02 @magicalnachocreator @littleflowerpond @bhonbhon @smoljimjim @leftcolorcreation @whoa-jo

[dina-winchester]

Not Like This

Pairing: Soldier Boy x You

Summary: Ben finds you hurting & comforts you.

Warnings: Trigger warning—post self-harm implications, comfort, tough-love tenderness

A/N: Thank you, Anon, for the request! I had fun with this one :)

You don’t hear the door open. You don’t even register the heavy footfalls until they stop behind you—until the air shifts.

Then his voice cuts through the quiet like a blade.

“What the fuck is this?”

You stiffen.

Slowly, like you’re caught in a dream you can’t outrun, you tug your sleeve down. But it’s too late. His eyes are already on your arm. And when you glance up, the look on his face isn’t what you expected.

Not anger. Not disgust. Not even confusion.

It’s something else entirely.

His brows are drawn, but not furrowed. Jaw tight, but not clenched. He’s standing like a man who just took a gut punch—like he saw something he wasn’t ready for. You look away fast, but not fast enough.

“Hey,” he says, low. Not barked. Not snapped. Low. “Look at me.”

You don’t.

Your cheeks are wet, hot, and it’s humiliating. You’ve cried in private before. In silence. But now he’s standing there—this legend, this hard-edged, mean-mouthed man—and you’re cracked open right in front of him.

“Fuck,” he mutters, under his breath.

The mattress dips beside you. Not all the way. He doesn’t sit, not fully. Just enough that he’s in reach if you let him be.

“You did this just now?” he asks, voice tight. Not demanding. Just… blunt.

You nod. Barely.

He sighs through his nose, long and rough. A beat passes. Then another.

“Don’t tell me it’s nothin’. Don’t pull that crap.” His voice is still low, but harder now. “You think I’ve never seen scars? Think I don’t know what this is?”

You close your eyes.

Your throat burns. Your chest aches. You wish he’d just yell or leave or something—anything but this silence that feels like it’s weighing the whole room down.

Then you feel it. Warm. Callused.

His hand—his huge, battle-worn hand—wraps gently around your wrist. Like he’s scared you’ll jerk away. Like he’s giving you the choice.

You don’t pull back.

“Jesus,” he mutters, glancing down. “You do this ‘cause of me?”

Your lips part. “No.”

He exhales like he doesn’t believe you—but he’s relieved anyway.

“I don’t… I’m not good at this,” he says finally. “Never been.”

“I know,” you whisper.

He shifts his grip, lets go of your wrist, and instead presses his hand to your thigh. Firm. Grounding.

“I’ve been through a lotta shit,” he says. “Done worse than most. But what you just did? That’s not weakness. That’s pain you didn’t know where to put.”

You glance at him. He meets your gaze.

“For what it’s worth…” He swallows. Looks away for a second like the words are choking him. Then he says it. “I’m glad you’re still here.”

That’s when your chest breaks again.

You let out a shaky breath, and this time, you do lean into him. Not all the way—just enough for your shoulder to brush his. He doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t move.

Then, slowly, he lifts his arm.

You don’t stop him when he wraps it around your back and pulls you in.

It’s not soft. Not delicate. He holds you like he’d hold a weapon—tight, close, like he doesn’t know how else to say he gives a damn.

And maybe that’s the point.

He’s not built for tenderness. Not in the way you know it. But he’s still here. Still holding you. Still watching you like your tears matter.

“Next time it gets that bad,” he mutters into your hair, “you come to me. I don’t care if you think it’s stupid or weak or whatever. You come to me. You hear me?”

You nod into his shoulder. “Okay.”

“I mean it.”

“I know.”

He pulls you tighter. “Good.”

And for the first time in a long while, the silence doesn’t feel like it’s trying to kill you.

It just… holds you.

With him.

[stoop-fairy]

“tough luck” — op81

summary — joe won’t be missed, you’re glad to see him go!

fc & cw — laufey. idk how i feel about the written part.. uhm, no joe shade that man is fiiiine. for the plot, bewitched was release in december 2024 and u met oscar in february! also i got kinda lazy in the end so ignore that.. there’s only so much i can do with a limit of pics 💔 & let’s imagine joe isn’t 28 pls

liked by yoursister, alex_albon, taylorswift and 782,629 others

yourinsta so excited to say that bewitched is now yours!!!! will do a little listen party later tonight, stay tuned 🤍

see comments

yoursister proudest proud of all prouds!!!!

user7 joe hasn’t liked her posts since 3 weeks ago.. fuck that men

user18 im literally crying what did u put in promise????? ugh

yourinsta fairy dust & broken trust 👼

user27 she’s achieving another milestone and joe can’t even congratulate her??? she’s been to most of his games since they started dating and he’s barely there for her shows, talk about a bad boyfriend :/

taylorswift SO proud 🥹 and so good too

user14 this girl is holding onto that men so hard it’s embarrassing LMAOO he doesn’t want you anymore

you stopped asking him to come.

it started with little things, shows he said he’d try to make it to, songs he said he’d heard. he never did. you clapped for him on the sidelines, smiled through press, wore his jersey, posted him on your stories every time even if he lost.

you called again, hoping that for once he’d actually show up, but instead he said, “I’ll try, but you know how it is.”

you did know. and you were done pretending it didn’t hurt.

so you showed up at his place, the same day your album had dropped.

he opened the door and confusion immediately became evident on his face, “hey, babe what are you—” you cut him off immediately, pushing past him to walk to his living room, the one you knew so well.

“let’s break up” as soon as the words left your mouth, joe furrowed his brows as if your words weren’t the consequences of his own decisions. “i think it’s very obvious that this relationship, if we can even call it that, has hit a wall”

he shook his head, kneeling down in front of where you were sitting on his couch. he tried taking your hands on his but you immediately pulled them back “what do you mean? i think we’re okay”

“what?” you asked in pure disbelief. ‘okay’ you were not okay, hell you weren’t even something at this point “joe you barely show up for me, and it’s honestly getting tiring. i’ve been chasing you around like a lost puppy and i’m tired of that! every single one of your fans thinks that, and they make it very clear but you never stand up for me!”

after that, you left his apartment feeling relieved, as if some weight had been lifted off of your shoulders.

but still, the silence felt heavier than his words ever did.

no footsteps behind you, no ‘wait’, no ‘don’t go.’

just nothing.

you sat alone in your car for a while, fingers curled tight around the steering wheel, watching the city move like none of it mattered.

your album had dropped that morning.

your name was trending.

your voice was everywhere.

but the one person who should’ve heard it, didn’t even press play.

liked by landonorris, yourinsta and 206,890 others

oscarpiastri today was a good day

see comments

user62 OSCAR IS A YN FAN????

landonorris 👍

mclaren you bewitched us

yourinsta i see you have good taste

oscarpiastri what can i say? i’m a man of culture

user78 didn’t oscar only listen to house music???

user29 he might wanna impress her..

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, alex_albon and 539,620 others

yourinsta it’s been a good good week 🧡

see comments

user18 we need a tour please asap im begging

user14 now that she broke up with joe she’s gonna move to the next man that pays the smallest attention to her lol

oscarpiastri good number

yourinsta what if i liked 4 more?

oscarpiastri absofuckinglutely not

yoursister guess who’s who

user9 sometimes i forget theres two of them..

user75 AHHHH YN + OSCAR

user26 is this soft launching or hard launching..?

user88 the only thing that’ll be launching is your ass if you make them uncomfortable and they stop being friends

user26 girl calm down they’re grown ass people they won’t stop talking just because of a comment lol

lilymhe sweet sweet angel girl 👼

yourinsta baby love 💕

liked by oscarpiastri, yoursister and 762,902 more

yourinsta it is with great pleasure that i let you guys know that the bewitched tour starts in just 1 month, can’t believe it. go to the ticketmaster website for info on your dates and more 🤍

see comments

user90 my wallet will be in fact crying but it’ll be soooo worth it!!!

user20 no argentina dates.. i see how it is 💔

oscarpiastri miss worldwide

yourinsta that’s me! 🌎

user27 i wonder if oscar will be in any of the shows..

user69 probably when she’s in austria, the austrian gp is just some days after!

liked by oscarpiastri and 719,730 others

yourinsta today, for the very first time, i performed my song ‘tough luck’ now out in all streaming services! hope you guys enjoy listening to it as much as i enjoyed writing it

see comments

yoursister the shady shade you just shood

yourinsta whatever the fuck that means 🔥

oscarpiastri just listened to it on all platforms available yup

yourinsta thank you mr pastry i am very hungry and i need the money ☺️

user68 the joe shade.. i love her

user70 oscar and her have to be dating, he’s been on a lot of her shows even if it’s race week .. mans in love fr

user52 unlike.. others

landonorris what do i get for streaming?

yoursister a cookie in the shape of a fish

landonorris stay the fuck away from me.

liked by yourinsta, yoursister and 288,629 others

oscarpiastri yet another good weekend, see you soon silverstone.

see comments

user78 so he’s just not gonna acknowledge the fact that he kissed yn as soon as he saw her???

user70 I KNEW THEY WERE TOGETHER.

yourinsta 🧡

landonorris papayita

liked by yourinsta and 720,739 others

oscarpiastri she’s currently selling out venues and somehow still manages to send me good morning texts, voice notes, and bad airport selfies (she looks amazing in all of them)

she deserves everything good this life has to offer, and then some.

if you ever get the chance to see her live, do it.

if you ever get the chance to love her, don’t waste it.

see comments

yourinsta who knew you were soft

landonorris didn’t realize this was a fan account

yoursister proud of you both 🧡

user76 he said “you fumbled, joe” without saying it

user1 so we weren’t delusional

user72 “if you ever get the chance to love her, don’t waste it” JAIL.

user47 sir this is a public platform.

yourinsta don’t know what id do without you, i love you 🧡

oscarpiastri i love you more 🧡

yourinsta i will eat you up mr pastry

[kdh-tally]

Hii! May I request for your headcanons on the Huntr/x girls and the Saja Boys when they receive hate and what their partners(Rujinu, Zoestery, Miromabby) would react when their partner receives hate(not criticism)? Sorry if it’s doesn’t make sense, I’m looking for smth similar to the one u did on their reactions when someone flirts w their partner

Saja Boys Coping with the Idol Life

Prompt : Huntr/x helping Saja Boys against the haters

Author's Note : So i already kind of completed the angsty part of the request a while ago but I never wrote how Huntr/x would help so here this is!!!

Can be read as a part 2 to -> Saja Boys Struggling with the Idol Life

Going on hiatus wasn’t easy. They had received back lash, k-netizens accusing them of not being committed to their idol careers. It seemed like everyone was against them. Well, except Huntrix. 

The girls had been their biggest supporters, quietly fighting against all hatred being thrown the boys' way. The girls had urged them to fight back. And it was finally time.

Rumi lay sprawled on Jinu’s bed. The two had returned from their short date, Jinu tense the entire time till they returned to the privacy of their dorms. He smiled softly at her before laying down beside her. She immediately turned to face him, admiring his features as he pulled out his phone. 

Unlocking it, he was instantly met with another post from a hate account. They had clipped the photo, Jinu’s hand hovering just a bit too close to Rumi’s waist. It was innocent, a complete accident. But the headlines didn’t care.

The comments were ugly. Possessive. Fans demanding he apologize for his ‘perverted’ behavior. Others screaming betrayal, claiming he must have been in a relationship with the female idols. However, there was a general consensus that he needed to remain “professional”.

He had immediately turned the device off but Rumi had already taken notice. “You’re still reading those?” she asked gently, not wanting him to close up. 

“I don’t mean too, I just…” his voice trailed off, unable to find the right things to say. Rumi took the phone from him and threw it across the room where it landed on a plush beanbag. 

“I know what you mean,” Rumi hummed as she traced along the patterns on his chest. She’d been in a similar situation. Accused of over acting around male idols for attention. However, she’d learned that most of the voices were just people who had nothing better to do that criticize others out of jealousy.

It took her months to understand this but she didn’t want Jinu to fall into the same headspace. She unlocked her own phone, scrolling through the many selfies they had with each other before stopping on one Mira had taken of both of them. 

It was Jinu peacefully sleeping on her as they rested on the couch, her hands brushing through his hair as though he was a pet cat. Jinu watched as she uploaded the image to her professional instagram story, captioning it my soulmate. 

Once the image was uploaded, she tossed her phone across the room as well. “They’re going to come after you too, Rumi,” he said after a moment of silence. 

“I don’t want to hide us anymore. They made you feel ashamed of loving me and I won't let them do it again.” She responded. 

Later, both Hutr/x and the Saja Boy’s company released an official statement. It was short and concise.

“We confirm that Saja Boys’ Jinu and Huntrix’s Rumi are in a private relationship. They have been close friends and partners long before their respective debuts. Please respect their privacy.”

And to their surprise... many fans did.

Romance had gotten quiet again.

After the dorm conversation, he’d curled back into his shell. Though he promised to take care of himself, and had been during their hiatus, he was still unable to produce any music. He spent hours sitting on the balcony, notebook open but pages blank.

Until Mira found him. She didn’t knock, she never really did. She simply walked up behind him and sat cross-legged on the floor, her back against the railing. They looked over the city as a silence filled the space between them. It was comfortable.

“You know,” she said eventually, “if people are gonna ship you with anyone, they should at least get it right.”

Romance glanced up. She was half-smirking.

He laughed. It was a real one. The first time he’d done it in months. Mira always seemed to be able to make him do that.

“I used to panic about who they thought I was into. Now I’m just... mad I wasted so much time worrying about it.” 

Mira didn’t say anything, but she stood to move behind him, playing with his long hair and tying it up into a ponytail.

He turned to her after a moment, eyes fully locked on hers. “I love you.”

She blinked in surprise, not expecting the sudden confession but accepting it regardless. She sent him a smile, one of her rarer facial expressions.

“And I think I might love Abby too. Or I did. Or maybe I still do. I’m not sure.” He let out a confused sigh.

She nodded, staring out at the dusk. “Okay.”

“You’re not mad?”

“I’m not a random fan, Romance. I understand how you feel. You’re allowed to be confused about who you want.”

He reached over, hand brushing hers. He felt at peace for the first time in a while.

Then Abby appeared in the doorway, holding a tray of snacks, a confused frown across his face. “Did I miss something?”

Romance blinked and Mira smirked. The three of them made their way back into Romance and Abby’s joint room, the biggest one in the dorm, and relaxed on Romance’s bed. Abby insisted on feeding both of them as they played some movie.

Later that night, Abby stared at himself in the mirror. His shirt was off, his abs defined but a little less sharp than before. He had crept away from the other two, assuming they had both fallen asleep. He hadn’t eaten much that week. He seemed to have formed a habit of feeding others in order to avoid eating himself.

He still heard their words echoing in his mind. The hashtags. The edits comparing him to old photos. The DMs saying he’d let himself get too comfortable.

He sighed, about to pull his shirt off before screeching as cold hands wrapped around him. “WHO THE FU-” 

“Calm down you big baby,” Romance mumbled, still half asleep, his hair falling against the shorter boy's neck. 

“What is wrong with you,” Abby grumbled, hands unconsciously trying to shield his chest from view. 

“You left the bed,” he murmured. Abby rolled his eyes before attempting to put on the shirt once more. 

“Why are you trying to hide the goods?” Mira spoke from the doorway. She too was half asleep, her hair tussled and frizzy. “I could eat a meal off those,” she yawned, hugging him from the front, leaving him sandwiched between the two. 

He couldn’t even get a word in, the two of them seemed to be double teaming him with affection. “You know they don’t deserve you, right? Your body’s not a product.” Mira reaffirmed, poking into his firm skin.

Romance nodded, breath hot against his neck, “We love you. Not your muscles. You.”

Abby tried not to cry but ultimately failed. Mira laughed, wiping the tears out of his eyes and cupping his face. “Lets go eat some junk food yea?”

Abby nodded. 

Romance trudged along behind them, “I still wanna go to bed you guys :( “

Mystery nearly threw up before his scheduled live stream. What was the live for? It was to clear his name. The groups had seen Rumi’s post of Jinu on her story and it gave many of them the courage to face their fans haters. 

It had taken some time, but the girls finally taught the boys that anyone who tried to dictate their lives or tell them how to live was a hater. Someone who constantly chose to criticize or try to bring them down was an absolute abomination of a human being. 

His palms were sweating. His heartbeat was erratic. Every nerve in his body screamed don’t do it. 

But Zoey was there.

She sat cross-legged on the practice room floor behind the camera, holding her phone and calmly listing reasons why he had every right to speak.

“You don’t owe anyone anything,” she said. “Especially not the people who prioritized their own delusions over the truth.”

He nodded. She handed him the phone.

He went live.

When fans had gotten the notification of Mystery going live, they were quick to clock in and watch. The boys were still on hiatus, and this was the first form of social media presence anyone had received since Rumi and Jinu’s confirmed dating rumor.

“Hi everyone,” he said, voice quiet as he pulled on his hoodie sleeve. “This’ll be a short live. I’m only here to clarify a few things.”

He swallowed hard, but one glance at Zoey’s encouraging smile gave him the strength to continue. “I’m not dating anyone. The photos of me at the gym with a worker was just me accidentally bumping into her.” 

His voice grew more confident. “And even if I was dating someone, it's truly none of your business. My love life is exactly that. Mine. I’d still be the same person you liked yesterday. And if that’s not enough for you, you were never really my fan.”

With that, he ended the stream after just six minutes. The silence afterward was deafening. Then Zoey pulled him into a hug so tight, he finally let himself cry.

Baby didn’t come out of his room. He seemed to live there. He had seen his band mates' progression, the way they were slowly regaining their confidence. He was happy for them, they had people to motivate him. He didn't think he had that. He didn’t want to be a burden.

He lay on his bed, half-heartedly scrolling through random apps on his phone. He planned to take another nap and was already falling into that sleepy state when suddenly,  all three girls were knocking on his door, barging in with strawberry milk, a blanket, and spicy chips.

Before he knew it, they were already getting comfortable. Rumi sat on his bed, Zoey pulled him into a side hug and Mira crossed her arms as she sat on the floor.

“This is an intervention. Now talk,” the pink haired girl said bluntly.

“I don’t want to be annoying,” Baby muttered, eyes downcast. The girls swore their heart broke a little. The one Saja Boy that never seemed to let things get into his head sounded so dejected.

“You’re not,” Zoey replied immediately.

“I feel like I’m suffocating.”

“We know.”

He hesitated. Then it all poured out.

The paranoia. The self-consciousness. The way he couldn’t bring himself to do certain things on camera. The guilt of feeling like a burden on his hyungs. The crushing fear that he’d grown out of being the “cute one” and was now just… useless.

Rumi pet his hair. Mira nodded solemnly.

“We’ve all been there,” Zoey said. “Even us.”

“You’re not a doll, Baby,” Mira added. “You have your own personality and can be whoever you want”

“But I liked who I was already,” he frowned. He didn’t admit it but he kinda enjoyed playing into the baby act. Who didn’t enjoy being pampered? “What if they grow tired of me?”

“They’ll like you because you’re you. Or they’ll leave. And we’ll still be here.” Rumi smiled at him.

The hiatus was over. The boys were back with a new album and they felt better than ever. They had regained their confidence and the girls were proud. They were all sleeping over in the girls pent house, rewatching their old music videos and laughing  at the silliness of it all.

“I can’t believe the three of you flew out of a plane and onto stage and no one questioned it,” Baby chuckled as he sat between Rumi and Jinu. Jinu was glaring at him the entire time but he didn’t really care, just sending him a cocky smile.

“Yea well we also killed you all in front of millions of people and no one seems to care,” Mira shrugged. Abby had his hands wrapped around her waist as Romance fed them both. 

They stayed up too late that night, curled into piles of limbs and pillows. Their videos played quietly in the background as they laughed. There was no social media, no reading articles, just the eight of them having fun.

Things weren’t perfect. The boys were still afraid. The industry hadn’t changed. But something in them had.

They weren’t demons trying to be idols anymore. Matter of fact, they weren’t demons at all.

They were humans. They were loud, messy, anxious yet brave, creative humans who just so happened to be idols.

And together, they were ready to try again.

[fivestaralien]

easy to love

-> felix x gn!reader

warnings+”: reader is in a deep depression episode so talks about bad hygiene and bad thoughts, comfort comfort comfort, mini flashback will be in bold, felix is such a sweetheart:( word count: 2166 notes ִֶָ ࣪˖ fully planned on posting this last night but then I fucked around and fell asleep:(( based off of real life unfortunately. fully self indulgent, I wish I could have someone to help me like this when it gets bad but I digress... if anyone of you is feeling like this just know you are never alone and it will get better. my messages are always open:) lmk if I missed anything and as always stay safe and be kind your yourselves<3

//

 3 weeks. 

 21 days 11 hours 45 minutes and 8 seconds to be exact, since you’ve had the strength to get out of bed. Today is the first day you’d felt even remotely like a human being so you use that energy to finally brush your teeth. 

 Felix is in the living room playing his switch, volume low for this exact moment. He immediately pauses his game at the sound of the bathroom sink being turned on, waiting patiently to see if you’ll come out or not. When he hears the water shut off and the bathroom door close, he turns his head to watch the bedroom door. 

 You had made your way back into bed. The energy you once had now back to zero and sleepiness took over again. You knew Felix was listening. The sound of his game unpausing after you’ve settled back into bed giving him away. The amount of guilt you’ve felt these past few weeks has made the already bad thoughts even worse.  Felix is doing everything right. 

 The first few days he would come in and check on you, place water and food on your night stand and would always leave a kiss on your forehead before leaving the room. Then as the days kept going and you kept getting worse he learned to give you your space. Instead of bombarding you and hovering around your room he busied himself by keeping up with the chores and baking sweets for you to have when you felt good enough to eat them. A few nights ago he took the time to help you change clothes.   

-

 The door opens slowly and Felix peaks his head in to see you still sleeping. His heart aching at the sight. Quietly he moves into the room and goes to sit on the edge of the bed next to your legs. You stir awake, rubbing your eyes but making no move to get up. 

 Felix leans over you, one hand by your head to hold himself up, the other gently moving some hair out of your face then resting against your cheek. You blink up at him and for a second you almost move to pull Felix down into a hug. Your mind instead telling you that he is most likely disgusted since it’s been weeks since you’ve last showered or changed your clothes. 

 It also is telling you that he is only being nice to hide what he’s really thinking. Felix sees it all. The want, the hesitation, the pull back, and he wishes so badly that he could clear your mind of every negative thought to ever cross your mind. He catches a glimpse of your shirt and decides then and there that since you haven't had the strength to do it yourself, he will change your clothes for you. 

 He leans down until his face is inches from yours. You hold your breath just in case he can smell that you haven't brushed in a while. 

 “I’m going to change your clothes. Is that okay?” Felix whispers. Your eyes tell him every emotion swimming through your head and he quickly reassures you, “I want to do it, please?” 

 You think about it for a minute and slowly nod your head. Felix plants a chaste kiss on your cheek then gets up to pick out a soft shirt of his, pajama shorts and a new pair of underwear. You move yourself into a slight sitting position and watch with tired, sad eyes as he makes his way back to your side. 

 Felix lifts your arms, taking off your shirt then slips the new one over your head, guiding your arms through the arm holes. Tears begin to fill your water line as he lifts your hips to slip your bottoms and underwear off. Once he’s done changing you, you go back to laying down and facing away from him. A sob nearly leaves your throat when he kisses your shoulder and you wait until he leaves to fully breakdown. 

 -

 After that night you put it into your head that you needed to start getting up. No matter how small of a task, you just needed to do it. If not for yourself then at least for your attentive, way too giving boyfriend. Which is what sparked this sudden burst of energy this morning. 

 The next day comes and just like before, you are up and brushing your teeth. This time though you also take a few extra minutes to wash your face. 

 Another few days pass. Felix’s eyes nearly popped out of his head when he heard the shower run. He wanted so badly to run in there and squeeze you tight while telling you how proud he is that you are pushing through. 

 It’s been an entire week now since you’ve slowly started getting back to normal life. You can practically feel Felix’s energy through the walls and tonight you felt well enough to go out and spend some quiet time with him. When Felix  hears the bedroom door open and sees you standing in the doorway awkwardly looking at the ground he couldn’t hide his surprise. 

 “Need anything love?” He tries to stay as leveled as possible so as to not expose how excited he is to see you out. 

 You shake your head and shuffle your way over to him. Felix bites his lip to hide the smile appearing on his face as you fit yourself between his legs. Your whole upper body rests against his and you cautiously wrap your arms around his middle. He wastes no time in twisting his body to accommodate you better so you are both laying down, placing his hands on your back and rubbing along your spine.   

 “Can I just lay here as you play something?” Your voice is hoarse after not speaking for nearly a month. 

 “Of course,” he kisses the top of your head a few times, “anything you need. I am always here.” he reminds you. 

 The two of you bask in each other’s presence. Felix, ecstatic over the fact that you were laying with him after not being able to hold you for so long. He genuinely would have waited for however long you needed to get better but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t relieved that a month was all it was this time. He will take his time being in the moment and being there for you in any way you need. 

 You didn’t realize how much you had needed Felix physically until just now. Your body melted into him like no time had passed since the last time you had cuddled. His heartbeat lulling you into a calm that you welcome with open arms. The gross thoughts that have been plaguing your mind for all these weeks had finally begun to dwindle throughout the last few days and now that you are here with Felix, they are basically nonexistent. 

 Your sudden fidgeting alerts Felix that you are itching to say something but don���t know how to start so he makes that decision for you and begins saying everything that’s been on his mind from the start. 

 “You’re really amazing, you know that? I mean, I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through. I can’t imagine how hard your mind has been to navigate and I couldn’t be more proud that you’ve been able to pull through. No matter how big or small that starting point may be, you’re still doing it and that’s very admirable.” 

 Tears from both you and Felix stream down and you squeeze him like your life depends on it, because in this moment it does. He lets you sob into his chest while he silently lets his tears fall. You eventually calm down a bit, mind tired again after crying so hard. 

 “I can’t believe you’re still with me,” you whisper into his shirt, “what kind of partner am I to leave you alone for weeks or months on end? Have you constantly worried about me when you could be with someone else who doesn’t have any issues? Someone who can love you the way you deserve, actually help around the house and is able to visit with your friends and family without having to cancel because of panic attacks.” 

 Felix’s hold on you tightens as the words register in his mind. How could you think that? You are his whole world and nothing could change that fact. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you don’t deserve any of his love and affection, you do. His heart sinks at your next sentence. 

 “You deserve someone who is easier to love.”

 You barely finish your sentence before Felix is moving you to sit up, wrapping your legs around his waist and pulling you close to him but still giving space so he could look at you properly. 

 “I never want to hear you say any of that ever again. How could I not love someone like you? You bring so much light into the world, into my life. All I ever think about is coming home and sharing things about our days with each other. How much I love hearing you rant about something new you learned or when we try to cook something but end up ordering out anyway because neither of us can cook. I love the way you think with both your head and your heart and still somehow manage to make everyone feel seen and heard. Your smile takes my breath away every time I get the privilege to see it. It’s not like I came into this relationship blind. I knew what I was getting myself into and I wouldn’t trade a second of this relationship for anything,” he brings his hands up to cup your face so he could look you in the eyes. 

 “Yeah, sometimes it’s going to be rough but loving you is one of the easiest decisions I have ever made. It’s as easy as breathing and I don’t care how many times I need to remind you. I will never not be by your side through the really hard times and the really good times or anything in between. You can always count on me baby.” 

 Felix catches your tears with his thumbs, giving you as much time as you need to process what he just said. Your hands are clenching onto the hem of his shirt, eyes now casted down.

 “You’re too good for this world, Felix.”

 “Well, right back at you partner.” 

 For the first time in weeks you allow yourself to laugh. To feel another emotion besides dread and sadness and it felt so good. Felix leans back until he is resting against the arm of the couch, bringing you to lay down on top of him. His hands resume their soothing patterns along your spine and your arms stay locked around his neck, your face nuzzling the side of his head. 

 He kisses your shoulder a few times, then trails along your neck up until his lips meet your cheek. The sensation tickles you a little so you flinch in Felix’s hold. You can feel his smile against your skin and let out an actual laugh when he purposely starts to tickle your neck with feather light kisses. 

 You quickly try to push yourself off of him but his arms tighten around you to keep you from going too far. The two of you are a giggling mess as Felix continues to tickle you and by the time he eventually gets tired his words really sink into your mind and heart. 

 He’s now leaned back against the arm of the couch again but this time you are sitting up on his lap. You take his hands from their places on your thighs and hold them in yours, occasionally twisting his rings around his fingers. 

 “I don’t say it enough but, I appreciate you a lot Felix. I have never had a support system this stable and safe, so I have been having a hard time navigating that. Learning how to let myself be helped is a lot harder than I thought it would be but I am glad that you are the one I am going through it with.”

 The smile on Felix’s face couldn’t be bigger. He lifts himself up and crashes his lips to yours in a tearful, smiley kiss. You cling to him as you kiss back, putting as much emotion into it as you could muster up. His hands wander your body until one rests at the nape of your neck and the other occasionally squeezes your hip. When you break for air you take your time leaving pecks all along his face, not leaving a single inch of space unkissed. 

 “I love you so much.” You whisper against his temple. 

 Felix cups your face to kiss you softly, “I love you. Don’t ever forget that.”

//

my asks are open so feel free to let me know what you thought about this one!! I'd love feedback :)

main masterlist , skz masterlist

[adoredvi]

But I love my boyfriend. He is good to me, he's a good man,

CRUEL KING x GN!Reader

Vi's notes: I wrote this while in school because of boredom...and also because I've been fueled by my imagination from yesterday that I posted lmao, player and reader are separate people!

You and him met way back when you were visiting his kingdom and he was strolling around the village at that time, he was making sure that things were running correctly and that there were no trouble being made.

After a while his cold-like gaze landed on your figure standing a few walks away, you were busy interacting with a villager, a radiant smile on your lips that he can't help but be drawn to, the coldness of his heart melting at the sight but he quickly shook it off and approached you.

The villager was the one who noticed him first and bowed down in front of him— in which he just nodded and let them rise, his gaze drifted to you once more after that, you only stood there, curiosity flickering in the depths of your gaze like a flickering fire.

"I'm taking that you're an adventurer, yes?" He asked tilting his head slightly, the crown in his head made it hard to do so as it is heavy because of the materials it is made of.

He was the first to talk to you, he asked you what your purpose in this kingdom, and for how long you're going to stay. Of course you responded truthfully, a respectful and a polite smile on your lips as you do.

And from that he kept seeing you more and more, the coldness of his heart begins to warm up whenever he caught sight of you, hell he even requested your presence to Blackrock Castle just for the two of you to sit down in the garden, drinking tea or caffeine and talk to one another like you've been long time friends for a while now.

But of course his moment of tranquility have to be cut off, you were only meant to stay for six months in the kingdom, you did mention that you needed a break from adventuring for a while.

There did he realized that he wants you beside him, he wants to be the one you come home to instead of random hotel inns where you will wake up cold without someone next to you, he realized he was in love with you— no, he was smitten with you, he loves your radiant smile, the way you fought with bravery and the way never once did you back down, the way you treat his people with kindness, there did he realized that he wanted to be the one you settle down with and that he wanted to marry you if ever did you accept his confession and proposal in the future— if that'll happen that is.

What if's keeps crossing his mind that one faithful day, he was more silent, lost in a daze of thoughts. You noticed, of course you did, you were concerned, after months of spending time with him, you noticed the little quirks he has, and he was never one to get lost in his thoughts that easily.

"are you okay?" You had asked, your gaze holding that of a worried and concerned look, voice soft in a whisper as if asking this is already a secret meant to be kept hidden.

Hearing you did he only snap out of his train of thoughts, his caught himself softening at the way you looked at him. He could only cough softly in his fist before responding with a yes, saying that he was okay.

It took a him a while to get the words he wanted to say to you out of his system, and he did— when you are getting ready to leave.

You remember that he stopped you in your tracks, a cold gentle hand on your wrist making you look his way.

A light blue blush coated his snow white skin, his blue eyes looking everywhere but yours, his mouth agape as if he's going to say something but he can't.

It took him a few minutes before he uttered those words that made your heart flutter, he confessed— finally.

You remember saying yes that time, the radiant smile he oh so love on your lips as you accepted his confession like a second nature.

And from that, you both spent the rest of your remaining moments together as a couple. You found out he was a good partner to be with, overprotective at best but you love him anyway.

You were contented with this new life you have with him, but of course you had to leave, he could only let out a small soft smile, a rare one that he only gives you, you promised that you'll come back to him, that you'll always find your way back to him, he nodded and said that he knows you will, he trusted you, he gave you small but loving kiss on your lips in which you gratefully accepted.

You both parted ways, him watching you walk away from the warmth(coldness) of his kingdom, away from him.

It has been ten months when you came back to his arms, new scars on your hands that he quietly fussed about when he saw it, you could only laugh and tell him that you were fine, pressing a loving kiss on his cheek in order to calm his racing thoughts about your well-being.

You had stayed a year that time, it was longer than the first time.

Throughout the duration of your stay, he made sure to make it worth it, he left alone his duties for a while, giving you the love he thought you ever needed, showering you with affection and gifts that you sometimes scold him for. Sometimes he'll gift you a gold necklace with a diamond pendant, or a ring that had small intricate designs engraved on it.

Both of you often had talks about marriage, of course you told him that if ever he is going to marry you, you'll say yes. That made him think for a second, the box of ring that kept in his study drawer suddenly having relevance.

It took him two months and did he finally proposed to you, having a long message about how he thought of this the first time he met you, and how it sometimes kept him up thinking that if ever proposed, will you accept?

You did, you said yes, tears welled up in the corner of your eyes when it happened, nodding your head, while he let out a chuckle and brought you closer to him in an embrace, his hand on your right hand, kissing your knuckles before slipping the ring on your ring finger.

The wedding didn't start for about five more months, due to both of you wanting to cherish the moments of being just a couple that's still not married, and his people respected that saying that it was only natural that both of you wanted to settle down first.

But when it did, you were in full on tears when the ceremony is happening, it was a comedic sight to behold, the ceremony was filled with laughter and happiness, and you couldn't ask for more.

Just a few more months into your marriage, you told him you'll be away again, you didn't want to but, you had to. He understood of course and only nodded, he held you close that day, never once did he let you go, whispering sweet nothings, his lips lightly pressing on the crown of your head from time to time to give you a kiss.

And when you parted ways again, he was gloomy, he watched his lover once again leave the confines of his kingdom, he was upset, but he understood, you were an adventurer, you're never in one place for too long.

And when you came back, the snow was thick on the kingdom, people are dressed for winter even though the place outside of the kingdom was in summer, you were confused, of course the people recognized you, they informed you that the king is not well, he hasn't been coming down the castle to see if the village is well, they told you that the guards have been also strict without any reason, being aggressive so suddenly like controlled puppets.

You grew worried, immediately making your way to the castle, there did you see how messy it has been, one window on the courtyard was broken, the chandelier is also broken and shattered, a few guards lay there some unresponsive, the kitchen was also broken, KITCHEN WIZARD was nowhere to be seen, although his hat was on the floor but he isn't there.

When you get to the throne room, CRUEL KING is standing— no leaning on his cane, using it to support his weight, a person stood Infront of his sword drawn, their figured battered with fresh scars and bruises.

CRUEL KING was different from when you last saw him, ice like crystals formed on the right side of his face and arms— he was different from the last time you saw him, more tired, and cold.

After a while the person standing Infront of your husband did notice you, and their eyes widened, they hesitated, wondering if you're going to attack them, until cruel king attacked them again, and did they finally finish their job, ending the king's life so easily.

You were horrified, you can't do anything, the moment you stepped in the room, your feet was frozen in place as if cruel king himself knows your there but he wanted you to not interfere and get hurt. So you could only cry watching as your husband crumbled to his death, the person stood over your husband and took the ice dagger and another thing, before turning to you, and walking closer.

They opened their palm and there laid your husband's wedding band, they apologized for killing him, they said that they didn't want to do it, but he was far too dangerous for the people around him, they told you it was for the best before leaving.

You were alone in Blackrock Castle for months, mourning about the loss of your husband, the guards now free from the hold of the ice daggers power was helpless at the sounds of your silent cries, the people even came together and cleaned up the castle in order to honor the memory of their king.

That was until PLAYER came back, saying that they wanted to show you something, it took you a while to come out of the room, but once you did, you were only left in shock.

There stood behind them, is your husband, on his glory, his appearance still the same one from when you last saw him before he died, a tired look on his face but softened when he saw your disheveled figure.

PLAYER left you both alone after that, and you finally came running to embrace him, tightly. Tears freely falling down as you whispered about how you wished you spent more time together, and you even vowed that you're going to stop on your adventuring and just stay by his side as long as he wanted, but he just let out a soft laugh, telling you that you don't have to, and instead, you both can just accompany PLAYER in their adventure.

He told you about how the young adult is in an adventure to get all the SFOTH swords and that he promised to accompany them in exchange of getting back his physical body and of course to get back to you.

You accepted, a smile in your face as you do. Cruel king smiled, and embraced you for a moment before PLAYER called for him telling him that they needed to go already. The younger ones impatient nature made you laugh, before following after the two.

Months passed and you were still accompanying player on their journey, fussing about how they should be careful sometimes whenever they get hurt.

Cruel king would sometimes come out in his ghost form and scold the both of you whenever the both of you got hurt.

It was funny, the three of you were like a small family accompanying their child on whatever endeavour of the world wanted them to partake.

I'm so sorry I got lazy at the end I've been writing this for an hour😭😭

[enjakey]

Confused

Jake x you | he’s just toxic and confusing | I had half of this sitting in my drafts for way too long so I wrote off some ending and posted it | don’t come for me- I’m just lazy and didn’t want my drafts flooding

Jake was… confusing.

He claimed he didn’t like you but kissed you until his lips bruised. He claimed he didn’t like you but held you while he fell asleep. He claimed he didn’t like you but he couldn’t keep his eyes off you.

Well… at least, that was what you assumed he claimed.

“To be honest, I’m not looking for anything,” he’d said, initially.

And as a response, you stopped talking to him as a whole.

But he was your best friend’s childhood friend. And your best friend hated the fact that the pair of you got involved in the first place.

Jake had no choice but to join you and your best friend in drinking one night. Your exams had just gotten over and it was high time you took a break.

So you walked to the bar in your heels and tight keens with your arm hooked to your best friend.

Jake followed suit from behind, strutting with his hands tucked in his jeans.

He didn’t speak much while you and your best friend were laughing. He sipped on his whiskey and let his eyes wander- towards the restaurant, toward the food, towards you.

But he’d never admit it.

Because Jake wasn’t looking for anything. Especially not with you.

But that night, when you couldn’t walk straight, he’d carried you on his back until you reached home.

When you woke up in the middle of the night, sober and hungry, Jake took you to the kitchen and sat you on the counter while he cooked ramen.

And he’d kissed you, in between cooking and in between watching you eat what he’d cooked for you- and you smiled at him, lashes fluttering, chest giddy at his company.

And he smiled at you too- palms pressing into your thighs, indulging you in stupid conversation, eyes squinting into crescents as he laughed.

When you went back to sleep, Jake had his arm tight around your waist.

But the next morning, he was gone again- no texts, no calls, no word of the remnants of the night you spent together.

And you wouldn’t mention him- not to yourself, not to your best friend.

Until he shows up again, randomly, to spend time with your best friend because he had to- and he’d made sure you were there too.

Jake wasn’t confusing. He was just confused.

And you’d figured it out around the fourth time he’d kissed you- in the middle of a side walk somewhere, while your best friend had walked a few steps forward and he pulled you back by the arm just to kiss you.

“I just had to,” he whispered- only to continue walking like nothing had happened.

After that? You’d stopped indulging in him. Always gave an excuse to your best friend when she wanted to hang out and mentioned Jake, blocked him on Instagram, made sure he had no way of contacting you.

But the thing was- he never tried contacting you either.

[dimplecentral]

Chapter 1: Just Roommates, Right?

Pairing: Yunho (ATEEZ) x You

Genre: Roommate AU | Best friends-to-lovers | Innocent!Reader | Slow burn | Fluff | Emotional tension | Smut (wayyy later in the series)

This will be a multi-chapter fanfic and I'll be posting a new chapter every week! Feel free to send in fanfic rec requests in the meantime. This is my first story ever, so I really hope you enjoy it and stick around for the ride!

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You weren’t the kind of girl people asked out. Not because you didn’t want to be seen, but because you weren’t the loudest in the room. You weren’t the flirtiest, or the boldest, or the one who knew exactly what to say with a wink and a smile. You were patient. You believed in a love that was gentle. Unforced. The kind that felt like soft glances and quiet understanding. Something steady and safe…unconditional. The kind of love that didn’t make you question your worth just to feel wanted.

You’d seen how most people did love; fast, messy, temporary. Falling into each other like gravity and falling out just as quickly. You weren’t built for that. You didn’t want something that had to be chased. So you waited. Even when it was lonely. Even when everyone else had stories and kisses and nights they never talked about again. You wanted something different. Which is why, when the boy from the café smiled at you,  not just polite, but warm, and asked if you’d like to grab coffee sometime, you were too stunned to do anything but nod. It was instinct. A yes without thinking.

But the moment you stepped out onto the sidewalk, something inside you hesitated. Your steps slowed. Your fingers gripped tighter around your bag strap. It wasn’t fear. The boy seemed kind… maybe even sincere, but he wasn’t the first person you wanted to talk to about it.

That person was Yunho.

Not because he’d tease you. Not because you needed permission. But because he was the person you told everything to. Because he was the one who always heard your stories before they were finished. The one who noticed the little shifts in your voice and knew how to fill the silence when words got stuck. He was the one who never made you feel like you had to try so hard to be understood. Telling him wasn’t about asking for advice. It wasn’t even about the boy. It was about you. And how, somehow, Yunho had become the place where your thoughts felt safest.

You’d met Yunho your first year of university. Just two strangers united by a broken laundry machine and mutual frustration. He offered to fix it. You told him you were already halfway through crying about it. He made you laugh. From then on, things just… clicked. It started with casual hellos and shared snacks in lecture halls. Then came group projects, late-night study sessions in the library, walking home under dim streetlights when the buses stopped running. Somewhere along the line, it became playlists, birthday texts, inside jokes. Sleepy mornings with coffee and no words… just silence that didn’t need filling.

By sophomore year, he was your best friend. The one who knew how you took your tea. The one who memorized your favorite stress songs. The one who could tell when your silence meant sad, not tired, without needing to ask. By the time you graduated, it felt inevitable: moving in together was the next step. Two best friends. One cheap apartment. One lease. Done. And for a while, it was easy. Too easy. Living with Yunho was like learning the rhythm of your own body.

He fit into the corners of your life so naturally, it didn’t feel like sharing space. It felt like building one together. You cooked side by side; him cutting vegetables poorly while you stirred the sauce. You bought groceries as a team. Rewatched the same three movies. Argued about who stole whose hoodie, only for you to wear it anyway. He’d sit on the kitchen counter, legs swinging while you made breakfast. You’d curl up next to him during game nights, your feet under his thigh without a second thought. There were no boundaries. No awkwardness. No hesitation.

When you had a rough day, he wouldn’t ask what was wrong. He’d just wrap a blanket around you, put on your favorite comfort show, and sit quietly beside you until you were ready to speak. When he had a rough day, he’d wordlessly flop onto the couch beside you, head in your lap, mumbling something about the world being unfair. You’d thread your fingers through his hair, and he’d sigh like it was the only place he could breathe. It was easy. But somewhere along the way, it got harder. Because you started noticing things you weren’t supposed to. Like the way his voice dipped when he spoke to you at night. The way he’d look at you when you weren’t paying attention; gaze soft, lingering. The way your chest pulled tight when a girl’s laugh echoed down the hallway and her shoes ended up by the door.

Yunho dated. Not recklessly, but casually. Quickly. Short, pretty relationships that burned hot and disappeared without warning. You met them. Smiled at them. Pretended it didn’t sting. And you? You were the one who helped him pick out date outfits. The one who texted him “good luck” and curled into a ball when he left. The one who stayed up late editing his class papers while his dates fell asleep in his room. You were the constant. The soft landing. The one who knew him better than anyone; except, maybe, himself.

Sometimes, he’d sit beside you on the floor, shoulder to shoulder, sharing a bowl of popcorn like it was the most natural thing in the world. And sometimes, in those moments, you swore he almost said something. But then he’d smile, wide, warm and familiar, and the feeling would fade. So you said nothing. Kept your secret. Tucked your feelings behind friendship and tradition and the soft, aching hope that maybe he needed you just as much; even if it wasn’t the same way. Because what you had? It was real. It was rare. It was everything. And you weren’t ready to risk it by asking for more.