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neonovember · 1 year

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Coming in HOT with some ANGST and FLUFF, having SUCH an intense emotional fight with Carmen one night. Maybe you’re both arguing about the opening of The Bear or finances or even just with communication in your relationship, Carmen just snaps about how you weren’t always this hostile. Just losing it on him and in tears crying out “YOU LEFT!! YOU LEFT ME CARMEN!! I understand what happened with you and your brother, but you just fucking left and didn’t even say goodbye!! You know how AWFUL that made me feel?! Like all of a sudden after everything we’d been through! It was like suddenly I was another face you just cut out and forgot about. It took me MONTHS to stop even just thinking about you. And then when you came back? It was as if nothing happened, but I was SO happy you were back….and now you always act like I’m some inconvenience that’s always in the way!!!! So what do you WANT Carmen?! Do you want me to stay or is this another New York situation?”. You can see Carmen’s heart shattering in his face as he just crumbles at the end begging for forgiveness 🥲. It ends maybe with the both of you holding each other in the kitchen “I’m so sorry” “No no….it’s okay….I shouldn’t have taken it out on you like that…”

All for you

this request was so good! your brain anon..😍 i hope i did it justice, this is part one of two because i always seem to be extending things that should be a one shot! i'm thinking part two should be from carm's pov? what do you guys think??

warnings: shouting, self deprecation, angst to the tenth power, no happy endings, carmen is so so so bad at communicating, unresolved tension/anger, new york carmy!

Loving Carmen was a lot of things.

It was the smoulder of colours brushed onto a canvas, it was the crash of waves in the middle of the pacific, fighting and thrashing against each other until it took you under and below. It was the spoonful of honey that eased the bitterness, it was beyond your control. A love so smouldering and bright that you didn't quite know if your heart could fit it all.

But it was also difficult, like dragging a 50 pound steel anchor every way you went. You were forever grateful to have Carmen in your life, again at least, but it wasn’t exactly like the things that he had struggled with before he wasn't struggling with even more now.

You were patient, you tried to be at least. When he wouldn’t pick up your calls for hours, when he was so caught up with work he forgot to eat, when he was so caught up with work all the last of his energy was spent on you and not himself.

You loved Carmen too hard to let him destroy himself for his work, even if he hated you for it, you couldn't watch him crumble and break from the stress of the restaurant and the overwhelming pressure he put on himself.

Especially when you saw him begin to unravel before you, melting hot wax crackling and setting form. He had begun to throw back bottles of pepto like it was water, crunching on tums like popcorn any chance he got, and it wasn't like the restaurant was doing bad, in fact it was doing amazing. Yet, it was that fact alone that made Carmen get worse, made him slip into the sinking black hole that told him one moment away from the shop, one glance off of his work and it would crumble into ash.

You had seen this in New York, where he would call you during the depths of the night, the sound of his stuttered sobs breaking any resolve you had left. You had raced to throw on a jacket and bring a pot of soup to his place even when he protested. You fed him whilst he shook against you, you whispered stories until he fell asleep, you kissed his curls.

You wondered if he knew.

You find yourself doing the same thing now, like an endless dance you both are bound to, every rational part of you wants to hate it but you can't deny the way your heart shimmers in want. Your mind moves with the familiarity of it, chasing after him like a game of cat and mouse.

Only this time you live with Carmen and not in a dingy shoebox in New York holding back every ounce of love you wanted to pour into him.

Carmen’s mind was forever connected to food, it was something so automatic it fell unconscious under his skin. You found amusement in the way he’d stand in the middle of your apartment living room in quick critic over the late night cooking shows that you would turn on whilst waiting for him to come home, or the coffee around the corner he swears isn’t actual beans.

But your soup, and anything else you made was something he had always reserved with a certain adoration. He’d whisper into the anonymity of your neck under the covers, recounting how your food was akin to a warm hug, coming home to the smell of cookies and a house of laughter and light he wished he had growing up.

You hoped he had actually eaten something today, but it was that belief that evaded your mind as quickly as it came when you reminded yourself who Carmen was. It was push and pull, and you would be damned if he didn't finish your food and then some.

Your job allowed you to work from home, and you don’t know if it was your laziness or intelligence that enabled you to make it so that you only had to work a couple hours in the day. It was sometimes strange to Carmen, how you could be able to find love and creation in something without putting everything into it.

Carmen was always watching you, he found peace in it, the moves and motions of you all over the apartment, the scent of your body wash, you toothbrush next to his, you were a movie right in front of him and he would watch you for eternity if he could.

You turn into the back of the Bear, parking between the faded white lines before turning off the engine and staying in the car for a moment. You hated the cold, and your breath had already begun to blow out misty clouds every time you exhaled. Collecting the warm container of soup and a sandwich you quickly jog towards the restaurant, taking the back door when you notice Manny leaving.

“Hey Hun, how ya doing” Manny nods towards you with a warm smile

“Hey Manny, just coming to get Carmen to eat something other than tums”

“Chef is definitely wound tight, mix up on a new delivery of some kind of fruit? Forgot the name.. It's spiky and smells like when we moved out those ovens and found those burnt onions and stock stuck to the floor” Manny replies with a wince as you both recall the devastating smell that hadn’t left your nostrils in weeks during the renovation.

“Uh, Durian?” You reply and Manny clicks his fingers at your reply.

“That's it. That mind of yours is really something. He hasn’t taken a break since the morning, but you always have a way with him” Manny raises his eyebrows and you shake your head with a laugh

You only remember that particular fruit because Carmen had been obsessing over a new menu item that included it as its main component. He had spent sleepless nights perfecting it, despite it being utterly magnificent the first try. You couldn’t shake him from his work, it could consume him for months if he let it, and you feared he was at the precipice of falling into that hole once again.

You walk through the back hallway leading up to the main kitchen, passing by the tired hunches of the shoulder dressed down in crisp white shirts and aprons. The Bear had a late start today, Sydney suggested opening a little later for a full dinner menu rather than lunch as well and the turn out had shocked you all.

It also meant Carmen came home even later than he already did during those nights, you’ve had to damn near carry him to the bath to get him to not drop dead the second he came home. You didn’t mind however, you couldn't deny the faint thrum of your heart content as you washed Carmen’s hair whilst he lay against you half asleep.

You spot Sydney at her station, and you quickly walk over to see her prepping for dinner, the swoop of her knife cutting into red meat in a kind of curve you knew she had perfected over the years.

“Hey Syd, early start?” You say, once your side by side with her

“Oh don’t remind me, can you believe the L got backed up from all the ice last night? Added a whole 45 minutes to my commute” Sydney groans out, shaking her head as she turns to you. Grateful to have a reprieve from her repetitive cutting.

“Goddam Chicago, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve got a bottle of wine with your name on it in my fridge and it is dying to be opened and shared by two very, very tired women” You reply, smiling at the way Sydney raises her eyebrows gleefully at the thought.

“I am holding you to that, as soon as we get through today. God, this new dish Carmen has thought up is kicking my ass” Sydney replies, and your ears chirp at the mention of the man you’ve been looking for.

“Speaking of Carmen, have you seen him?”

“Yeah, I think he’s still in the office, been on call with one of our vendors cause of the mix up with the--”

“Durian, yeah. Thanks Syd” You reply, giving her a nod before making your way to the hallway leading into the office.

You hear Carmen before you see him, the sound of his loud voice seeping through the cracks of the door. His voice rises as he gets more and more agitated, and you don’t miss the sound of a cup being thrown against the wall as the phone call continues, not waiting a moment before firing back muffled words you can hardly make out except

“Unprofessional” “waste of my time” “fuckin’ dick”

So yeah, you thought it was definitely a good time to walk in and get your extremely agitated boyfriend to eat your soup.

Just as you walk through the door, you see Carmen slam the phone back onto the receiver, shouting out obscenities at the object as he throws his chair back onto the floor. Years working together has made you unfazed by his outbursts of anger, though you have been sly in trying to get him to go to therapy so that he doesn't get an aneurysm over the phone with the Wifi company or something hilariously trivial.

“Hey Carm” You say, whilst closing the door, and Carmen look up at you in surprise, his features sobering, as his eyes relax into a comforting gaze.

“Ah shit, sorry bout that, just some stubborn, pig headed vendors who don’t want to fix a problem they fucking caused” Carmen replies, his chest rising rapidly as he takes sharp inhales of oxygen.

He turns to face you and you take in the sunken look of his cheeks, the skin a little discoloured like he was sick, and his hair dishevelled and falling flat against his face like he's run his hand through it too many times.

“Jesus Carmen, have you gotten any sleep?” You reply, instantly as you make your way over to him, pressing a hand on his shoulder.

Carmen shudders against your touch, shaking his head as he leans back and away from you. You stumble as you look down at your hand now inches away from his shoulder in confusion. Carmen never turned you away from him, in fact during those unforgiving times of anxiety and anguish, when he felt the entire sky falling, you would be his anchor to bring him back.

The fact that he had visibly shuddered when you touched him made your heart ache, and it hurts even more when Carmen notices, the guilt spilling into him.

“Just been so busy” Carmen replies, his eyes darting everywhere but you, as you nod with a tight smile, backing away from him.

You reach for the soup you've left on the edge, placing it on the desk and you nod to it

“Have you eaten today?” You reply and Carmen stops watching you, blinking slowly as he tries to remember the last time he's actually consumed something, before coming up empty and shaking his head up at you with a groan.

“I thought so, you need to eat Carmen, how can you expect to function let alone run a restaurant if you aren't at your optimal level” You reason, leaning against the table, with your arms crossed against your chest.

“It’s fine, I was just gonna grab something small” Carmen waves you off

“Actually, I brought you food right now so I think it would be a perfect time-

“Is that why you came? To micromanage me like some toddler” Carmen suddenly replies, his eyes narrowing as he looks at you through half lidded eyes.

“I- what? I didn’t-”

“I can run my restaurant blindfolded with my arms tied behind my back, alright? I don’t need you to come and patronise me like you know every goddamn thing” Carmen spits out, and you can't help the way your blood runs hot, the rhythmic beat of anger pounding through you like a hammer.

How fucking dare he

“Excuse me? I came here for you Carmen, not some self-righteous moment to say I'm better than you. God damnit, is that what you think? I came here to make sure you didn't faint and fall into a pot of boiling hot water” You spit out, Carmen looks up at you, hes blues swimming in ire as he lets a humour-less laugh rumble through his chest.

You felt all the things you had kept a lid on begin to tumble out of your mouth, and soon you’re anger morphed into a building current. The flashes of everything that had gone wrong, the lack of communication, the coming home late, it all has begun to accumulate rapidly and you let it consume you in its entirety.

“Sure, of course,” Carmen sings. “I’m not your fucking child alright? You are my goddamn mother so stop treating me like you need to make sure I eat 3 times a day and have my nightly bath. I’m a grown man-”

“Then ACT LIKE IT!”

Carmen looks up at you in surprise, his brows knitting as his head swivels back from your outburst. You had never screamed at him, in fact, Carmen can’t remember a time where you had screamed at anyone like you did now as you stare him down deviantly. Eyes burning with a fiery anger that begged to be stoked. Carmen knows this, your hands shake in tight fists like your seconds away from swiping him, and he resorts back to his usual self destruction of turning back and running away.

“Yeah, yeah that's right, walk away, walk away like you always do. Carmen, soon enough you're going to have to face it you know? You’re gonna have to face your fucking issues before it destroys us both” You scream, and Carmen pauses, causing you to stumble. Carmen turns around to face you in the middle of the hallway, the rush of anger present on his cheeks, causing the veins to bulge out on his neck and he looms over you

“Issues, I have fucking issues? You’re screaming at me because of goddamn soup”

“It’s more than fucking SOUP!” The screech of your voice bounced across the thin walls of the restaurant hallway, your throat begins to burn as you begin to swallow down the emotion bubbling within you. You want to reach into him and rattle his neck, force him to see the destructive path he was taking, force him to do anything but turn away and shut you out.

A quiet trepidation falls over the entire kitchen as they watch you both fight, it was unheard of, an anomaly that seemed wrong, like someone had gotten a couple from the street and put your faces on it.

Watching you both fight was like watching a performance. The way you both leaned into each other menacingly, neither of you backing down, there was an indefinite energy that bubbled between you both, you were seconds away from shocking each other or making out.

“What is it then huh? Why are you acting like this? You expect me to read your goddamn mind? You’ve changed alright? Everyone can see it, I can't even recognise the person in front of me half the time” Carmen sneers, his neck turning a crimson red as he clenches his jaw painfully. He’s holding himself back, his body shakes with it, the tight clenches of his fist stopping him from putting a hole in the wall or smashing a chair.

“I’ve changed? Me?” You cut yourself off with a chuckle, Carmen shifted his gaze as his eyebrows knot in confusion, and when you catch a glimpse of his face you can’t help the booming sound from crawling up your throat, keening over as the sick sound of laughter rocks through your body.

The rest of the team now watches on in horror, you were laughing, why are you fucking laughing?

You try and gulp down the uncontrollable fit of laughter, you can practically feel your body shift down into the jagged memories from all those years ago. From a place and time you had shuffled into a no named cabinet and thrown into the deepest depths of the ocean.

You didn’t want to remember, you begged your mind to forget, but as your laughter slips into sharp inhales, you already can taste the wetness streaming down your cheeks, and slithering down the slope of your neck.

Your sob’s rack through you, winding you until you hunched over, reaching out onto the wall to steady yourself and trying to find footing as the ground caves beneath you.

Carmen recognises it in an instant, taking a tentative step forward, raising his arms before dropping them in a second, like he was approaching a volatile animal.

“Fuck, I’m sorry I-” Carmen starts, but you’ve already raised yourself from your hunched position, the tears dripping into the linoleum floors and splashing onto your combat boots.

You didn’t want to face that time in your life again, but Carmen has practically forced you too, and there's no way in hell you weren’t going to drag him down into that bordered off well. Fuck being the bigger person.

“No no, you spoke, this is my fucking turn now” You grunt out, the rippling grief leaving your body in a flash as you sneer over him.

Carmen gulps back a retort, his mind re-circuiting, trying to figure out your polar behaviour. Carmen knew better to interrupt you now, in fact the restaurants was a pin drop quiet, safe for the whooshing sound of the central air corn, and the sound of Carmen's stuttering inhales.

“YOU listen to me” You spit, pointing a finger, pressing it into Carmen's chest so hard he stumbles back

“You fucking left me Carmen. You! You- just, you dropped everything we had, everything we ever built in New York and you disappeared. And it was Mickey, and you needed to be there and I got that, I get that, but you- you just left me there.” You grunt, biting back the swell of emotion that erupted when you thought about those years ago.

“You became a ghost, and god,- you could have told me, after everything I thought we had- you could've told me! But then you didn't. And I was left to pick up the pieces, wondering if you had ever loved me, wondering if I should have given half of myself to you whilst you couldn't even call me back” You stutter out, shocking back the onslaught of tears as you swallow around the lump in your throat.

Carmen’s face pales as he registers those years ago in New York, the immediate look of guilt and anguish twisting his features as he leans onto the wall for support.

Even after all these years, all this time, you still felt it like it was yesterday. All your work had become undone, the thin veil of healing had been stripped back to bare bones in an instant, and you hate it, you hate it so much. Why couldn’t you have packed up and moved on? Why did you have to fold back into yourself at those memories? You don't know what you're seeking now, vengeance, restitution, it all becomes blurred in the heat of it, and god have you wanted to strip your skin and wake up restored since that night.

“You ruined me for a year Carmen. I was a shell of myself because of you. And then you called me that afternoon and you know what? I wanted to throw my phone into the fucking Hudson. I wanted to rip my hair out and scream and hurt you like you hurt me because the truth was I already forgiven you before you even apologised. And you never did. And I still wanted to come back to Chicago for you.”

“Honey-” Carmen's strained voice shudders at your words, and you can make out the red of his eyelids, the tears collecting at his lids.

You hold up a hand, stopping Carmen from speaking, tears begin to form at your waterline, threatening to break, your vision blurs, the features of Carmen’s tormented face becoming wobbly and undefined.

You were so sick of crying, you were so sick of it.

“And I won’t ever make you keep paying for a mistake for the rest of your life, I let go of that anger because you needed my help and in some way, I fell in love with you all over again, I was able to make peace with it.”

“But you don't think I know you Carmen? When you overwork yourself to death you can barely eat? When you get bad again at calling me? When you were good, you were the best person in my entire world, but when you're like this?” You shake your head into the empty space between you, hands waving in front of you.

Carmen looks torn apart, his hair falling flat against his forehead, his hands in tight fists as he shakes his head against your words. Begging, on his knees, begging for you to stop, to stop saying those things that came from your mouth that were not true. His body shakes with it, the gushing feeling of guilt, it washes over him in waves.

His mind is going a mile a minute, every thought of work, of that mismatched order he had to deal with, of the vendor who refused to deliver, it all went out the window the second your face contorted in that heart aching way. He can't lose you, every fiber in his being yearned for you, he lived for you. And here he was losing you, like a brush of paint across a canvas.

You were slipping from him every second you stood there with tears dripping down your cheeks like a stream.

“You’re the one that's changed. You're the one who's always changing. Don’t throw it back at me just because you can’t see it” You mutter with a shake of your head. Your voice carries a finality with it, and you jerk from Carmen when he takes a step towards you. You can't breathe in here, and you pass by the concerned gases of the rest of the Bear, shaking your head and moving away from Sydney, before dipping back into the busy streets of Chicago. You bite your tongue the entire way until the taste of copper fills your mouth.

Folding yourself into the huddled waves of mundanity, leaving your soup and the last bit of your aching heart on the bench of Carmen's office.

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itsangelll · 4 months

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𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮. ✰

A/n:hey cuties finally a fic out after a month 😭 this is a collab with @tomssexdoll I think we absolutely did amazing she’s a fabulous writer!! I hope you guys enjoy <33

parings: 2011 Mafia Bill x Freader

genre:angst to smut to fluff?

MDNI

warnings:A LOT of swearing p in v dom!bill sub!freader a bit of abuse please please do not read if your uncomfortable or sensitive with these topics!!

You and bill were forced to get married, the promise of your businesses improving if we did. You guys obviously agreed to this wanting to make as much money and more deals if you could.

You and bill had a lot of sex mainly during a middle of an argument, you were both very stubborn and immature, not willing to accept yours and his mistakes. You both had your good moments together not everything was terrible with him, sometimes he’d hold you and tell me how much he loved you, but his actions would be speak a lot more than words. Most nights Bill would be gone coming home at midnight or even later, lying to you constantly the question that always lingered in the back of your mind was that did he really love you or was he just using you?

You both had multiple fights a week some even becoming more abusive than usual, one got so bad he almost succeeded at throwing a chair at your head. You guys hated being like that towards each other but you couldn’t help it. It was way too stressful and overwhelming of being one of the top mafia couples in the world.

Bill came home late one night again saying goodbye to all his buddies as they sped off, he fiddled with the door before swinging it open and slamming it shut, You were in the lounge, it was pitch black having a cigarette lit your legs crossed, you felt like scaring him making him mad anything at all.

As he went to walk up the stairs you startled him with your voice, “And where the fuck where you exactly.” “Jesus Christ don’t scare me like that why are you in the dark for?” he grumbled before turning on a light noticing your red puffy eyes.

“Have..have you been crying?” he scoffed “As a matter of fact I have did you know how fucking worried I was about you what if you got shot?” You raised your voice after talking a long drag from your burning cigarette.

“Fuck sake like you’d care wether if I was dead or alive, can’t I have my fucking fun? I’ve been stuck here for a week with you for work” he went over to the liquor cabinet taking out his aged whiskey and sitting in his chair pouring the burnt umber drink into the glass.

“You’re a fucking asshole you know that right?” You glared at him your jaw slightly clenched “trust me I know” he lit a cigarette as well “you tell me everyday just as I tell you that you’re a whiny bitch all the time.” he gave you a sarcastic smile rolling his eyes and taking a huge sip from his whiskey.

“I can’t believe you just go out, stay out till 5 in the morning and I get no fucking call at all, you expect me to greet you with cookies and milk but yet you still think I’m a shit wife your the fucking, pathetic one here.” You shouted, “don’t yell at me you drive me up the wall here” Bill yelled back getting up from his chair and storming over to me, he grabbed your wrist with so much force pulling you up towering over you.

“oh you think you scare me? Nice try.” I snatched my wrist away, blowing the smoke in his face, Bill just stood there his gaze burning into mine a certain rage taking over him.

“You are so controlling can’t a grown man do what he wants when he wants?.” He huffed his chest heaving up and down in anger Bill was gonna snap at any moment. “I’m the controlling one here?! Aren’t you the one who gets mad at me for looking in another guys direction, you beat up any man I talk to refuse to let me go out when I’m apparently wearing something too “short” but yes bill I’m the controlling one you fucking hypocrite.” You scoffed shaking your head.

“At least I have good reasons, you’re the one getting upset over me being out late suck it up doll.” he spat his words cruel, “You just don’t get it do you? It’s not the fact that you’re out late I don’t give a shit do what you want, It’s the fact that I never got told where you are, I’m sitting here late at night wondering where you are and if I should call the police or not, I’m really fucking sorry for worrying about you is that so bad?” Your voice still raised anger coursing through your veins.

“You make me so fucking mad..” he grunted walking closer towards you narrowing his eyes at you. “Cry me a river,you’re a grown man aren’t you? Learn how to deal with your emotions properly.” You rolled your eyes, Bill grabbed your hair pulling you close “don’t fucking speak to me that way!!” he yelled inches away from your face.

You pushed him off slapping him harshly across the face leaving a bright red hand mark. “Don’t you ever fucking touch me like that” you screamed, “You know what I could kill you right now.” He yelled back rage in his voice.

“Shoot me then fucking shoot me.” I yelled my voice starting to strain. you and bill just stood there silent for a second both of your chests heaving up and down.

Without another word bill grabbed you by your waist and kissed you passionately his tongue entering your mouth searching for dominance, “Your so fucking whiny aren’t you” he muttered between kisses, his hand roughly slapping your ass you couldn’t help but moan. He pulled away from the kiss a string of salvia parting from your mouth, Grabbing your hand and taking you upstairs he had a pretty strong grip you almost couldn’t keep up.

When you guys made it to your room he threw you on the bed towering over you his dark brown orbs filled with such lust, wasting no time he ripped off your shirt then your jeans leaving you in nothing but your black lace set of lingerie. Bill groaned at the sight a large tent forming in his pants, “You’re so pretty f’me Schatzi” he said in a raspy voice, your breath hitched your core getting even more wet. Even though sometimes Bill was a complete prick you couldn’t help the affect he had on you.

He unclasped your bra and ripped off your underwear, your nipples and your wet cunt getting exposed to the cool air a shiver went down your spine running his fingers over your breasts. You whined “Don’t be a tease Billy this isn’t fair” he smirked and lifted your chin up “Does my doll want me fuck her dumb hm? Is that what you want?” His knee was rubbing your clit non stop, you could burst any second nodding desperately Bill without any hesitation removed his belt in one swift move, his jeans and boxers pool at his ankles letting his cock spring free.

Even though how many time you guys have fucked you could never get over how big he was. Bill swiped a finger at your folds his finger now coated with your arousal “I haven’t even done anything yet and your already wet for me doll you’re just that desperate aren’t you?” You couldn’t answer, He snickered without another warning he slammed into you then pulling back out fully before filling you up once again. You moaned loudly the way his cock fit your pussy was amazing, His hands made their way down to your waist gripping tightly bound to leave marks tomorrow. “Fuck Jesus you feel s’good around my cock love gonna fill this slutty hole with my cum” he groaned out.

Bill moved at a rapid pace his tip kissing your cervix perfectly moans were spilling out of you uncontrollably, you were in pure ecstasy, your walls clenched around him every time he hit that gummy spot the knot in your stomach growing tighter with each passing second “Mm Bill fuck fuck I’m close!” you breathed out he moved his hand down to your clit rubbing his thumb in fast circles, “Cum on this cock for me doll” he whispered you were about to break.

Those words were all you needed to hear, your legs shaking bringing you over the brink you screamed out his name cumming all over his cock, “Fuck baby that’s it” Bill let out a low growl before shooting his cum inside you thank god you were on the pill. He collapsed on top of you, lifting his head up and pressing a kiss to your temple, “You okay my sweet girl? Did I go to rough?” he said in worry, you smiled “Yes billy I’m okay it was amazing” you replied.

“I’m sorry about the fight earlier Liebe you just mean to much to me and I can’t lose you ever I don’t know what I’d do” you were in awe “Billy you aren’t ever going to lose me I promise you that” you took his hand in yours and kissed him passionately you really did love him.

A/n:I hope you guys enjoyed! Me and @tomssexdoll worked really really hard on this, she did an amazing job. but I’m glad I’m writing again, I’m gonna try and write more mwah bye cuties <33

Taglist:

@itsmealaiah

@noellethinks

@jadedchar

@madzandmore

@memzyyy

@tomssexdoll

#tokio hotel #tom kaulitz #tokio hotel x reader #billkaulitz #georg listing #gustav schäfer #bill kaulitz smut

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jazzyoranges · 1 year

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Birthdays and Stress

Tara Carpenter x fem!reader

Summary: Tara meets some of your family during your father’s birthday

Words: 3.4k

A/n: i haven’t written fanfiction since 2020 so please proceed with a little caution 🌚

Warnings(?): fluff, mentions of sex, very tiny hurt/comfort

You had a big family

Like a really big family

Tara didn’t have the pleasure of having a family like yours. You were close with your cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and everyone else in between. While Tara on the other hand can barely remember her dad’s face, she tries to forget her mom’s, and her sister left due to personal issues. Granted, her sister did come back

Shaking her head, she had to push these thoughts to the back of her mind. Instead Tara had to focus on her rapidly beating heart and the internal screaming at the fact your entire family was only about 5 minutes away

Tara wanted to make a good impression. An amazing impression, that is. But what if your family knew she was related to the Woodsboro killings? What if they knew her sister was related to the very cause of the Ghostface killings? Would they kick her out? Deem her not good enough for you? What if they called her a liability and then kicked her out? This really was a bad idea, why did she agree to doing this?

“Tara, I love you with all my heart. I promise my family won’t throw you out of the house.” You rested a hand on her thigh, rubbing soothing circles with your thumb just how she liked it

Perhaps her internal screaming hadn’t been so internal

“Oh, but what if they do, babe? What then? They’re gonna hate me.” the shorter girl groaned, throwing her head back and covering her face in annoyance

“Tara I’m literally so madly in love with you. They’re going to love you, baby. There’s not a universe out there where they don’t absolutely adore you like I do.” you say seriously, taking her left hand in yours and bringing it up to your face to give her knuckles a feather-light kiss

Tara pouts. A very childish pout, that is

“When you realize I’m right, I will happily say I told you so tomorrow.”

“…You promise they’ll like me?”

“I pinky promise, baby.”

Tara loved that about you. Only do you swear by your pinky during very serious times, almost as if you were swearing upon the river Styx. Never once have you broken one of your pinky promises, and Tara found it utterly adorable. You turned something kids would do under the playground slide into a life-bound oath that you’d never imagine breaking. The thought was endearing enough to help relax Tara just the tiniest bit. She was still scared as fuck, though

“If you get overwhelmed at any time, we can always go back home or to my room, baby. How about we come up with a safe word?”

“I can last all night, babe. This mama doesn’t need any safe word” she says proudly. Your girlfriend was an absolute dork under all those layers of trauma

“Tara.” you playfully cock an eyebrow at her

“Sorry…” she mumbled “how about black licorice? I hate black licorice.”

“Black licorice, it is!” you beam, starting to pull into the driveway of your childhood house

It was your fathers 55th birthday. You’d been with Tara for about 2 years now, which you heavily insisted was enough to consider her a part of your family. Tara ignored how her heartbeat quickened at the implications of being in your family

Tara had still been in her thoughts when you parked the car and rounded the front to the passenger side. Opening the door, you made sure to make a big display, as if you were ushering the queen of England herself

“My liege.” you say in a faux British accent while holding out your hand as you bow, awaiting her response

“And society dares say chivalry is dead.” she laughs at your antics, intertwining your hands as you help her out of your car. There was cars upon cars parked on the road. Tara would’ve guessed this was a frat party and not a birthday party with how many cars were present. Birthday gift in hand, Tara was now worrying if it was enough

When you rang the doorbell, Tara’s heart quickened again. A week prior, you two went shopping, looking for the perfect casual dress Tara was going to wear. You were persistent that it didn’t matter what she wore. Tara ultimately won that argument when she pulled up an entire slideshow on her laptop and presented it to you sitting 5 inches away from your face. You tell yourself you let her win that time

Before she could say this was a bad idea for the umpteenth time, the door opened with your father behind it

“Well, I’ll be dammed! If it isn’t my favorite child!” he pulls you into a bone-crushing hug, a wide grin on his face

“Dad!” you smile “You don’t look a day over 80”

“Oh hush, you.” he laughs, turning to Tara

“And you must be Tara!” he reaches out to shake her hand, Tara reciprocating the action.

“We’re all excited to meet you. Our Y/N likes to brag about you quite a lot! Welcome to the family, Tara. It’s a pleasure to have you here” the older man pats her shoulder, his grin bright enough to be seen by astronauts on the Moon

“Thank you, Mr. (L/N). Please, the pleasure is all mine” Tara smiles, and you interlace your hands once again

“Oh, hush with all that formal crap. You’re making me feel old! Frank or Frankie is perfectly fine, darlin’. Come on in!”

You give Tara’s hand a supportive squeeze, offering a smile. You’re proud she didn’t pass out while talking to your dad. He could definitely be overbearing at times, but the older man only had good intentions

Setting down you and Tara’s gift on a nearby table, she was hit with an immediate sense of home when she entered the living room. Tara felt nostalgia that didn’t exist. Perhaps it was a sense of longing. Tara could definitely imagine a small you running around and tracking mud all over the floors. Maybe she’d be lucky enough to see your baby pictures. The shorter girl felt something brush up against her legs, snapping her out of her thoughts

“Ares!” you say excitedly, reaching down to pick up the orange cat. Part of his left ear was missing, but it added to his charm

“He always takes a while to warm up to people. I wonder why he came up to you?” now you were holding the cat in such a way that invited Tara to pet him — which she happily did. Ares quickly started to purr

“Maybe it’s ‘cause I smell like you?”

“I like to think it’s ‘cause you’re the chosen one” you shrug, noticing how Tara’s cheeks redden the tiniest bit

“Why’s his name Ares? That’s a greek god, isn’t it?” Tara didn’t know much about greek mythology when she first met you, but after long rants (in which she happily listened to), she now knew some surface-level facts

“Mom let me name him when I was 13, and I might’ve been going through a really bad Percy Jackson phase at the time. Ares was a real ass when he was younger. Always messing shit up, and I guess it just fit at the time.” you smiled at him. Tara noticed the look in your eyes. You were recalling all your past memories of Ares, getting ready to talk about the orange cat if she asked. Tara liked observing you

“C’mon, how about we say hi to my Mom? Are you ready for another parent?” You asked, setting down Ares on his cat post as he stretched and let out a big yawn.

“Yeah, definitely ready.”

“You sound uncertain. I know you’ll fuck shit up out there, babe” you press a kiss to the bridge of her nose, making her subconsciously scrunch it up in the way you found sickeningly adorable

“Y’know, you should really be a professional motivational speaker, baby. I feel better already” she says in a sarcastic tone, but she fully means her words

Making your way to the backyard doors, Tara is starting to feel a little better about meeting your family. Your Mom was seated on the patio deck with a few of her sisters — your aunts. Before you could say hello, the three of them were already up

“Mom, Auntie Rosie, Aunt Amelia, meet my girlfriend. This is Tara” you smile at her, and she returns your smile

“Tara! You’re even prettier in real life!” you’re lovingly shoved out of the way as all the attention is now drawn to your girlfriend

A slew of praise bombard her, compliment after compliment meeting her ears. You come up behind her and place your hand on the brunette’s shoulder, offering a little comfort. Instead of being met with her eyes of discomfort, all you can see is happiness behind her smile. She happily engages in conversation. Answering questions about your relationship, her education, and plans for the future. Tears prick at your eyes, but you didn’t let them fall. You loved seeing Tara happy.

“Well, it was wonderful meeting you, Tara. Don’t be a stranger, sweetheart. How about you two enjoy the party, now?” your mom smiled

“Likewise. It was wonderful meeting you too, Mrs. (L/N)”

Before you can turn around, there’s a sudden weight on your back that makes you topple onto the grass. You can hear the faint giggling of Tara as you’re causally making out with the floor

“Lilith (M/N) (L/N). I swear to god if you don’t get off of me, I’ll make sure to-“ you never finished your sentence as more weight was put on your back. Not as heavy as your sister, but the weight was still there. By the sound of high-pitched giggles, you could only assume your nieces — your older brother’s daughters — were now on top of you as well

“Auntie Y/N! Auntie Y/N! Who’s that over there?” Your nieces say in union. Lily gets off your back, but the other two decide to stay and bombard you with questions

Tara can’t help but laugh at your state

“You’re Tara, right?” your sister was now at your girlfriend’s side as you struggled to bribe your nieces with candy (they were surprisingly resilient)

“Mhm, you’re her sister, aren’t you? Lilith is what Y/N said?”

“Lilith is my real name, but family and friends call me Lily” she winks at Tara with a smirk on her face

“Did you know Y/N had a crush on you in high school? She said she’d kill me if I told anyone, but every single day she’d tell me about her fat crush on you” Lily playfully bumped her and Tara’s shoulders together. “Even more than Elizabeth Olsen is what she’d say to me”

“Oh? Please continue, I insist.” Tara can’t contain her smile as she learns about your crush on her. Now fueled by not getting embarrassed more than you already have, you practically wrestle your nieces to get back up on your feet

“Lily I swear to everything holy, if you don’t shut up, I will make sure you never see another sunrise.” you’d probably be scarier if there weren’t two little girls hanging off your arms with some dirt and grass smudged on you face when you got up. Tara and Lily doubled down laughing, and you could feel your cheeks redden in embarrassment

“C’mon you two troublemakers, don’t give Auntie Y/N back problems just yet” your brother calls out from behind Tara. You two were the absolute splitting images of each other. You’ve already shown pictures and videos of him, but now she’s actually seeing him. Face shape, hair texture, you and him may as well be conjoined twins

“Tara, is it? Y/N hasn’t stopped talking about you since you two have met. I’m Joshua” he gracefully picks up his daughters, finally giving you breathing room to mutter something about “working out” and “bodied by toddlers”

“You don’t know how many times i’ve heard that today” Tara’s teasing grin was so wide, her name may as well be the Cheshire Cat. She looks over Joshua’s shoulder, meeting your flushed cheeks and embarrassed look

“I don’t appreciate this slander, thank you. I’d like to take my girlfriend away, now!” you say in a sing-song tone. Your siblings and nieces wave you two a goodbye before starting a conversation of their own

“Embarrassed, much?”

“Hush, you get embarrassed when Mindy tells me about your ‘longing looks’ as she’d call it”

“All the more reason for me to hear about how much you liked me~” Tara pokes the side of your ribs, and you pinch her cheek in retaliation

Before you know it, you’re inside your house again. This time, way more family and family friends occupy the main area. Tara could handle smaller interactions with your immediate family, but this stressed her out. She never liked admitting it, but crowded places freaked her the fuck out. More chances of Ghostfa-

“Black licorice?”

“Black licorice.” she nods, looking at you. Tara liked how well you knew her.

“How about my room? I have a record player in there” You guided her up the stairs, your hand not leaving Tara’s for a second

Entering your room, she noticed how you it was. Band and movie posters were all across the walls, and she could clearly picture a middle school Y/N in their Hot-Topic phase. Vinyl records and a multitude of books sat on shelves all over your room. Above your bed, under your bed, you name it, there wasn’t a shelf that was empty

“Lana, Arctic Monkeys, Taylor, Slipknot for some reason…” You listed off artists you had records for, and they were all so you. She could practically feel your entire soul in this room, just wafting around

“Lana. Definitely, Lana” Tara makes her way to your bed, feeling the soft sheets on her thighs

“What’s on your mind, baby?” You sit next to her, letting Tara rest her head on your shoulder

“Do you think i’ll ever stop being scared? I don’t like feeling scared around your family. I don’t like how they’re all still affecting me”

“It’ll take time, Tara. Months, Years, you name it. But however long it takes, I promise I’ll be there with you.” Tara fidgets with your hands, and you press a kiss to the side of her head

Before you can fully move away, Tara pulls you into another kiss. She feels soft against your lips, and smells like absolute heaven. She kisses you like you’re her last meal, and you’d happily be devoured. She straddles your waist as your back hits the headboard. You kiss until air is required, and pull away with a small smile on your face. It’s not long until you do it again. And again. And again. Until your lips are cherry red from Tara’s biting, and her dress a little crinkled from your urge to always be close

“We can stay up here if you want? I’ll tell my parents you aren’t feeling well.”

“No, that’d be bad manners. Can we just… stay like this a little longer?”

“Whatever you want, baby.” You shimmy out of her straddle, and opt to lay on your bed

“Lay down with me?”

“Y/N, i don’t want my hair to get all messy”

“So what? You’d look pretty either way”

“Your family is gonna think we had sex, baby”

“I hate to break it to you, babe, but they probably already think we’re on our third position right now”

Tara sighs.

“Moments like these are when I question why I said yes to dating you” She groans, laying down on her back next to you

“I’m irresistible” you say with a smug grin on your face

“If it helps you sleep at night, baby”

—

“Where did Tara and Y/N go?” your mother questioned

“Y/N whispered something in Tara’s ear, and they went upstairs. Ten dollars they’re gonna fuck”

“Lily! Language!” your sister laughed as your mom lightly slapped her shoulder

“You should probably wait 10 minutes before calling them down here”

“I’m grounding you.”

—

Ten minutes of laying on your bed and a few kisses later, a knock is heard at your door

“Are you two decent over there?”

“We aren’t fucking, Lily” this time, it’s your turn to groan

“Just make sure to air out your room before our nieces and nephews get up here”

“I hate being related to you” Tara laughs behind you, trying to suppress a smile. “I’d wrestle you if I wasn’t so strong” you open your door

“We both know you’re all talk. I’m the real winner, aren’t I, Tara?”

“As long as it’s not Y/N” Tara shrugs while walking down the stairs, and she can practically feel the betrayed look on your face

“I’m the real winner, aren’t I, Tara?” You say in a higher pitch, mocking Lily. “C’mon, we both know I have more experience.”

“Sex isn’t the same as wrestling, Y/N”

“You’d be agreeing with me if you actually got some, Lily”

“Alright, I think that’s enough about sex. I’m gonna have this on my conscience while we sing happy birthday to your father” Tara just couldn’t stop thinking about how you two bantering was so similar to her family bantering with Mindy and Chad. The shorter girl’s family was maybe definitely more complicated than yours, but you never made her feel bad about it. Tara liked that about you

“Your girlfriend is cool” Lily whispers, but Tara can hear her

“You’re saying that like I don’t already know” You smile, swinging an arm around Tara’s shoulders. Finally making it to the bottom floor, your family is around your father, getting ready to sing happy birthday. He requested two simple five and five candles, but it seems he lost that battle as 55 regular candles sat on his sheet cake

A few of your nieces and nephews of different ages swarm to your side like bees following their queen. Tara has to push away her baby thoughts when she sees you take one of your nieces into your arms and smile all the way up to your eyes. This barbie is having baby fever

Someone dims the lights, and a happy birthday is sung to your father. She joins in the makeshift choir, meeting his eyes and smiling. The man looked a little awkward, but honestly who didn’t while being sung happy birthday. When the crowd was finished singing, the older man closed his eyes in thought of a wish. As quickly as they closed, his wish was made

A spew of cheers and congratulations erupted as he was handed a knife to cut his cake. Kids rushed to grab a slice, and Tara had to actively try and not get her toes stepped on. The shorter girl felt someone lean onto her from behind, and she could tell it was you from how your chin rested on her head

“How’re you feeling?” A slice of cake was now in her hands as of your delivery. “Let’s sit outside and you can talk me through it”

“This is all so new to me, but i’m enjoying it. I’m still scared and nervous, but you’re making it easier” she bumps your shoulders together. “Your siblings are also pretty fun to be around”

“Thanks for coming today, baby” you kiss the side of her head. “I’m really proud of you for agreeing to come with me.”

Tara lays her head on your shoulder, and you two stay like that for a little while, appreciating each others presence to take a small breather.

“Thank you for being patient with me” The shorter girl says softly after a while

“As long as Atlas is holding up the sky, I promise I’ll wait for you”

“Baby, you’re so lucky I love you. I would’ve cringed if you were anyone else, but somehow you make it endearing”

“I always told my siblings I’d get a girlfriend that appreciates my Greek Mythology references”

“You’re a dork.” Tara smiles before leaning in to kiss you. She was looking forward for another day like this.

—

Bonus:

You and Tara are cuddling on her bed when the clock turns to 12am

“Hey, Tar?”

“Mmm?”

“I told you so.”

#jenna ortega x reader #tara carpenter x reader #tara carpenter #jenna ortega #mindy meeks martin #chad meeks martin #sam carpenter #fem!reader #scream #scream 6 #scream 5 #fanfiction #fanfic #tara carpenter scream #tara carpenter fluff

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spadesolace · 18 days

Text

what’s it like to date thomasian!chaewon as lasallian!reader

you met chaewon through a friend, literally was set up for a blind date, only being given her number, name, and one picture for your contacts

it was easy to pick a place and time considering how flexible your schedule was, being well aware of ust’s workload, you decided what would be much more convenient for her

a coffee date, the safest option there is rather than a dinner date bc who knows - you were a bit skeptical when your friend decided to reto you to her close friend

that date was the start of it all, 3 hours in and chaewon was swooning over you

“i’ll just go use the cr lang.” you excused yourself as chaewon was left by herself that she immediately messaged your mutual friend gushing over you.

“girl, bakit naman green flag tong binigay mo sa akin?” she had attached a selfie of herself wearing your jacket as she had mentioned to you that she was freezing. your friend did mention about it to you when things were going smoothly.

she prefers to study at her place in comparison to yours. there’s nothing wrong with it but it’s not as quiet.

sometimes would lurk at the DLSU freedom wall page in case anyone would confess their feelings to you or simply mention you

but also she asks about the jokes and comments in some posts

chaewon looks up from her phone and shows it to you, a post from DLSU freedom wall one that focuses on freshman students being the one’s at fault. “babe, why do you guys blame the freshmen?”

“i… i’m actually not sure, it has always been like that.” you shrugged, leaning closer to her as you squint your eyes at her phone screen. “why are you even following the page?”

whenever she’s stressed - easily irritated, she’d shout at you to stop tapping your foot or your pen, sometimes it’s also bc she forgot to eat with the amount of workload she has

exam weeks are hell for her, pulling all-nighters, multiple cups of coffee and energy drinks, literally stays up late and only sleeps for an hour or two

once exams are done for her, you always pick her up and let her sleep at your place so that when she wakes up (usually it’s already late) you’d be done with your schoolwork just so you could spend time with her

you’ve been her date to paskuhan twice, and you’ve invited her to animusika once - not really enjoying the fact of a bunch of people wanting to ask her out when you arm is literally around her waist

every date has been around espana or dapitan, somewhere close to chaewon but never at taft

has introduced you to her little sister (eunchae) and loves that you bond and spoil her the same way you do to chaewon

“eunchae, san galing yan?” chaewon points to the new trinkets displayed on eunchae’s desk. a soft smile on the younger girl’s face as she mentions you. it didn’t take long for chaewon to call and scold you for spoiling her little sister (even though deep inside she’s grateful).

if you’re stressed, chaewon would go out of her way and visit you at taft with your fave food knowing that you have the same bad habit as hers

would pepper you with kisses once you feel a bit better and keep you company, despite hating how noisy it gets at taft - if it’s you, she’ll keep her mouth shut and not complain

she’s a great girlfriend but tends to push you away whenever she’s mad, overthinking, overwhelmed, that she does run away from you for days till she’s back at your place drunk and crying for you to take her back

nevertheless, you still love her despite the bad habits

#le sserafim chaewon #lesserafim chaewon #chaewon imagines #chaewon x reader #izone chaewon #kim chaewon x reader #kim chaewon #chaewon #thomasian! chaewon #big 4 au #big4 #thomasian!idol #lasallian!reader

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salty-croissants · 9 months

Note

if your still taking requests, can you do a Bullfrog and Rayman/ramon of their S/O is Pregnant? if you can't that's okay

Thank you for the request !

I apologize for taking longer than usual , I found myself in need of a break since I was feeling a bit too uninspired to write :,T

Anyway I’ve never really written anything for a pregnant reader before , so this was a pretty fun challenge :,)

Hope it turned out okay !

Details : use of female reader ( thought I’d go for that given the prompt , hopefully that’s alright ! ) ;

established relationships ;

no warnings needed

Bullfrog 💚

Deep down , Bullfrog still can’t believe he is actually going to become a dad …

While he is definitely worried about how he is going to keep you and your future child ( or children :> ) safe , this frog is still really looking forward to start a family with you , and he will remind you of this a lot .

< y/n , my dear , I’m just so grateful to have you by my side , you know ?

I’m so happy about our child , je ne peux pas attendre … >

He is the absolute best at taking care of you , using all the spare time he gets when he isn’t out for missions to be there anytime you need something , no matter how small .

< I’m back mon amour !

Here , I brought you some more food in case you get hungry , and I also made some tea while I was at it . >

< Thank you honey ! This is exactly what I needed , you’re amazing ~ >

When you’re feeling a bit fatigued , Bullfrog loves to just rest by your side , with the two of you often falling asleep into each other’s arms .

And if you ever try to stay up anyway , well … your partner is very good at persuading you to do otherwise .

< Hmm … I’m not that tired , sweetie … we can still … talk , or maybe do … something else … >

< Non y/n , you need to get some sleep … you had a long day today , and I don’t want you to stress yourself too much .

I’m going to be right here with you mon cher , so don’t worry , alright ? >

< Heh , alright , thanks Bullfrog …

Oof , give me a second , the little one is starting to feel heavy … >

Your beloved assassin adores those simple moments of intimate bliss he gets with you , and whenever he occasionally opens his eyes to check on you he can’t help but feel an overwhelming happiness , knowing that you’re the person that he’s going to share a family with …

Despite the uncertainty of your futures , Bullfrog knows that as long as you’re with him , there will always be hope for him somehow .

Rayman 🧡

Oh boy is he excited !

Rayman loves children , so the mere thought that he’s going to have a kid with you fills him with joy …

He never thought that he’d be able to have something like this in his life , given the way people see him despite his popularity , so you better believe that he will be showering you with affection … even more than usual .

< Oh y/n , sometimes I still can’t believe this is happening , y’know ?

I just … god , I love you so much ~ >

Unfortunately , I honestly doubt the Directors would show much care about the fact that their star’s partner is going through a pregnancy …

They need Rayman to be on the show , that’s what matters most to them , so as much as he hates the idea of leaving you alone he doesn’t have much of a choice …

< Damn it …

I’m so sorry … if I could stay with you I would , but the Directors … >

< Hey it’s alright hun , I’m just gonna lay here and rest until you come back , I should be just fine . >

< Mm … well , maybe I can convince them to let me go home earlier than usual : I don’t want anything to happen to you because I couldn’t be here , y/n … I … I would never forgive myself … >

< Ray , love … you worry too much .

Now come here , I didn’t forget about your goodbye kiss ~ >

< Heh , thank you y/n … mm … ~

I’ll be here as soon as I can , I promise . >

During the immensely frustrating hours where he can’t be with you , Rayman is still going to remain in contact with you by calling you and sending you texts … a lot .

“Hey sweetie !

This should be the last interview for today , I can’t wait to see you ! ❤️

How do you feel ? I remember yesterday night you couldn’t sleep much , did you manage to get some rest ? Oh , you should also remember to drink some water if you haven’t already , it really is important , especially now !”

“Hi Ray ! ❤️

I’m okay , don’t worry , I got some sleep and that really helped a lot !

I think our child is happy you’re coming home … I can feel it kicking since I begun writing you this message !

We’ll both be waiting for you ❤️❤️”

After Rayman gets home , I hope you’re prepared to be showered with love and affection for the rest of the day :

he just can’t express how much he missed you , from your voice to your beautiful face … you just make him so happy , and knowing that you’re about to start a family together is just everything he could possibly need .

Ramon 🖤

1 Now that he doesn’t have to care about his job or the orders of the Directors , you better believe that Ramon is never , ever going to leave your side , especially now that you’re pregnant .

He is terrified at the idea of losing his one chance of finding happiness in his otherwise bleak existence … he won’t allow that to happen .

< y/n , where are you going ? >

< Ah , I’ll be right back Ram , I just wanted to go for a quick walk just outside , my legs are a bit sore and - >

< I’m coming with you . >

< You don’t have to do that , love … I know the wounds you got yesterday while fighting those Eden guys still hurt , you should rest . >

< I don’t … care about that . I need to be there for you . I need to keep you and our child safe .

Please y/n … you’re all I have . >

< Okay , okay … we’ll go together , hun . I won’t leave you . >

< Thank you … >

He finds it especially comforting to gently rest his head on your stomach , listening to the baby’s occasional small movements beneath …

It’s in little tender moments like these that Ramon can finally put his mind at ease , momentarily forgetting about Eden and the mess you’re in .

< Does this hurt , darling ? >

< Hmm ?

Oh no , it doesn’t ! Don’t worry about it …

It actually feels very nice ~

Ramon’s mind often gets crowded with unwelcome thoughts about what kind of life will he be able to provide to your kid , given the critical situation you’re currently both in , and as much as he tries to keep those feelings to himself you’re able to understand what’s on his mind .

< I know you’re worried about our future , I am too … but I just know things will be alright for all three of us . >

< How do you know that … ? >

< Oh , that’s easy Ram :

I have you here with me , and that’s all I need to keep on going !

It’s not going to be easy , but I know we can face what comes next if we stick together , and we’ll be able to make our child grow happily in a good place . >

< Heh … you always know how to make me feel better , y/n .

I love you so much , you know that … ? >

< I love you too Ramon … trust me , we are going to be okay . >

#captain laserhawk #x reader #bullfrog x reader #rayman x reader #bullfrog captain laserhawk #captain lazerhawk rayman #captain laserhawk bullfrog #rayman #captain lazerhawk bullfrog #female reader

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melobin · 3 months

Text

publicly speaking about my mental health isn’t my favourite thing to do but i love melobin and i love you all so bad that i feel like sometimes it’s needed?

admittedly, i’m struggling a lot right now with stress from all angles and things unexpectedly happening and coping is not an option apparently LMAO. with not being home right now either, things are a little more anxiety pushing but being near the sea is helping, i sat and watched the sunset last night and cried a little during it and it helped somewhat!

i think i just? hate the fact that when one thing happens and you’re feeling low, that tends to be the time where more and more things happen and more things pile up and things just get so overwhelming and the littlest thing can cause you to just break.

this is more like a rambling post than anything else but, i love melobin and all the people i talk to here, unnamed anons, emoji anons, my friends, all the people who interact with me. it really means a lot to me and i cannot express just how much it does. what means more to be is how patient you’ve all been with me and i do have a lot of things planned, things i’m super excited about and i can’t wait to share with you all !!

i think to end my post i just want to say how thankful i am for melobin and the little community we’ve grown here :3 i’ll always cherish this blog ❤️ as soon as the anton porn plot fic is done the smau will be starting !!

#✧ melody posts #✧ melody rants

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newtonsheffield · 6 months

Note

Kate, honey, winning a match doesn't mean you can't be sad and insecure. You can. And you can talk about this with Anthony. He is there for you, ready to support you, no judgement. And wouldn't you do the same for him? You absolutely would. So do yourself a favour and talk to him. Let him take care of you. 🙏🏽

They are both so used to dealing with everything on their own (despite the fact that they do feel the support of their respective families) that they keep harbouring their true feelings. It is so easy for them to show love and trust and support towards other people. But it's like they don't believe they are worthy of being on the receiving end of such affections.

I think this is the nicest thing about where their relationship grows to. The fact that Kate can be in another country to Anthony and she has a day where she feels overwhelmed, or insecure, or stressed and the first person she calls is Anthony.

Some days she’s already got him on the phone when she leaves practice.

“Hey what’s up, Babe?”

Hearing his voice makes her want to cry sometimes. “I just um… sorry, you’re probably busy.”

“I’m not busy.” Anthony said firmly, “I’m never busy if you need me.”

Kate let out a shuddering breath, relaxing against the cushions of the sofa in her hotel room. “I just really needed to hear your voice today.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

Anthony was silent for a moment before he clicked his tongue, “Well, do you want to hear about how I’m now friends with the voice that lives in your fridge?”

Kate let out a watery chuckle, swiping at her tears. “I didn’t know my fridge had a voice.”

“It does! I’ve named her Pam. She’s ordered me a steak from M&S for tonight. Very excited about it.”

Kate took another deep breath, “I love you. I miss you. I fucking hate clay courts and my ankle still feels weird and I hate being photographed with Tom because they always try to start shit.”

She could hear Anthony rustling around before he cleared his throat, “Okay. I’ll see you soon.”

“You won’t be here for weeks.” It ached in her chest, the distance after being so used to seeing him every day.

“Well I just booked a train because it’s Friday, and I can come and spend the weekend and then come back here.”

Kate’s breath caught in her throat. “What?”

“Babe, France is… so close you can swim there. You want me there so I’m coming. I’ll just have to get Pam to cancel my steak.”

“I’ll buy you one when you get here.” Kate breathed, “I love you.”

“Love you too.” Anthony hummed, “Oh! We can go to Disneyland and take cute pictures together!”

Kate but back a smile, “Yeah we can. Thank you.”

“Nothing to thank me for. Stay in the phone with me while I pack and we can stay on the phone while we’re on the train. I’ve treated myself to business premiere. Very exciting.”

“Are you sure if it’s alright if I hear the conversation between you and your new girlfriend Pam?”

“Of course just cover your ears.”

#pumped up au #kathony #anthony x kate #kate sharma #kate sheffield #anthony bridgerton #molly’s asks and answers

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chocotonez · 1 year

Text

skz + acts of service

a/n: it’s two am and this isn’t proofread. just word pasta

cw/genre: fluff, english isn’t my first language, swearing, gn reader and lmk if anything else should be tagged! <3

summary: skz expressing and receiving love through acts of service

this is part of my 1k June special you can find here! ->

(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)

—————

chan

-his acts of service are small but plentiful

-picks up after you, grabs your laundry or runs errands he knows you need to complete, puts your leftovers in the fridge and whatever, he makes sure you’re staying on top of things

-he tries to avoid telling you about all the things he does for you but you take notice considering the fact that when you started dating him your life was going SUSPICIOUSLY well

-so you make sure you beat him at the acts of service competition that doesn’t exist, you tidy up his desk or massage his shoulders, you randomly enter his studio to drop off snacks and food or you go to the dorms to help him tidy up

-it means so much to him that you look out for him like that :,) it’s in his nature to look out for others but it just feels so good when someone returns his favors

-“you don’t have to do that for me y/n” and you just smile and ur like “I know. I just want to.”

-WHDHSJDBSD he clutches his chest and is peppering kisses AAAAALLL over ur face as a thank you

lee know

-its very obligatory things that’s expected as a boyfriend, just because he expresses love in other ways? like he does what he should to be a healthy and loving boyfriend but it’s not his love language to do things for you rlly

-but he gives up your time for you willingly and lovingly (even if it doesn’t seem like it) “baby why the fuck are your clothes organized like this??” and he helps you organize

-or he cooks dinner for you, or meal preps breakfast because he knows he can’t always be there to eat at a normal dinner time LMAO

-it’s not his fave love language because it feels overwhelming to have someone do so much for him, he appreciates it more than you can realize but it’s also a bit scary because he feels indebted to you and he doesn’t know how to handle that

-so his shy “thank you” and blushing is him being appreciative I PROMISSEEEE he’s just excited and overwhelmed

-“thank you, I love u” w a kiss on your cheek

changbin

-maybe I’m bad at this but I’m having difficulty w these acts of services TT

-he doesn’t give it very much and he also can feel kinda awkward receiving it because he doesn’t want you to feel responsible for getting him lunch or making his bed in the morning

-but if ur super serious about acts of service as a love language he’ll warm up to it and try to do things to “repay” you no matter how much you insist you don’t need him too

-he goes out of the way to do small things for you tho, things that a boyfriend doesn’t usually does but he does <3 he orders at restaurants for you, drives you to places, puts away your personal items or stuff hehe

-i think he could probably cry at some acts of services because he feels really loved and appreciated, it’s not a love language he feels he needs but it’s a love language he surprisingly likes <3

-expect a bouquet of roses and a nice gift bb he’s gonna spoil you as a thanks

hyunjin

-king of acts of services even if it’s not his main love language, and he appreciates when you do the same but he insists it’s not necessary, he’d rather you just hold and kiss him tbh

-def the type to tie your shoes for you that is my fave ever love language so I’m incredibly jealous of you rn bye

-he untangles your hair for you, helps you practice self care, gives you a nice massage after a stressful day, gets you breakfast and coffee, etc etc

-he likes acts of service in a more small way, like you just brushing his hair as well, bringing him a hot towel to his dance practices, or organizing his skincare yknow yknow

-he’s more of a giver and he’d rather you reciprocate his acts through physical touch or quality time

-but he doesn’t hate it I promise he’ll thank you and press kisses all over your face and spoil you with attention and love if he finds you doing laundry for him

-is it obvious i don’t know what acts of service actually are 🤣🤣🤣🤣

han

-he doesn’t realize how often he commits acts of service until you point it out or comment on it lolol

-(brb googling examples of acts of service rn) he always helps you with your daily errands if he’s able to, since yknow he has that whole idol thing going on :}

-I’m not sure if it counts but he also remembers every single important date and event so he can remind you or prepare something special for that date

-he also always asks if there’s any way he can help you out when he’s free or if there’s any errands as he can go run them with you

-receiving makes him feel so so so special but he won’t express it because it feels like you think you’re responsible for him and he’s worrying it’s draining on the relationship

-but if u reassure him otherwise he’ll gladly enjoy your acts of service and always say thank you and never brush them off no matter how small the act was

-he just adores the feeling of knowing that you went out of your way to do the dishes in the apartment or when he’s at a schedule and he gets a lunch delivery from you, he bawls his eyes out tbh <333

felix

-his acts of service are really domestic, and he also enjoys when you reciprocate. Not that he expects you to and doesn’t want you to feel indebted, it just makes him feel like you acknowledge his efforts to take care of you

-he meal preps every day for you no matter how busy he is, he is ensuring you eat well ‼️‼️

-the type of boyfriend to say “did you drink water” when you mention you have a headache

-bakes you pastries for your workplace/peers, posts you all the time on his private story, organizes your shared apartment when he’s away, always allows you to have some of his food, etc etc

-gets all giggly if you do the same for him

-has a little sunshine-like smile and goes “thank youuuu” while giving you a tight hug !!! so wildly in love with the domestic aspect of it all he gets butterflies at the idea of being able to wake up to you and brewing you a cup of coffee in the morning

-texts you thank yous if he’s at work, but they’re always paragraphs long with a cute little sticker to accompany the message

seungmin

-does it mindlessly tbh, it’s a minor love language to him in both giving and receiving because in his mind these are just the things you should do in a relationship??

-gets really confused if you get sappy on him for an act of service because isn’t that just what he’s supposed to do as a boyfriend??

-(the tik tok sound that goes: “who the fuck fucked up this house like this??” plays in his head)

-makes sure you commit to your goals so that you can succeed which is annoying sometimes but really beneficial in the long run, waters your plants if you’re away, offers you the last piece of a snack, gives you his jacket if he noticed you shivering while out, saves you a seat when you two go out with friends and you run late

-but to him these are all just responsibilities of a boyfriend, but he also holds this expectation to you?? not in the same degree but he will find it a sort of normal occasion in a relationship if you make the bed or share your umbrella or record his favorite drama…

-says thank you, he just doesn’t understand how it’s a love language lmao

jeongin

-unlike seungmin who sees it as just another act of a boyfriend his chest swells w pride when he commits to his “boyfriend responsibilities”

-especially when you giggle and say thank you, he love love loves the way you look at him so fondly when you come home to a clean apartment or the pantry restocked, etc etc

-he also mindlessly does smaller things for you he doesn’t even realize count as acts of service, slows down if he walks too fast, grabs your hand when you two cross the street, or putting your water bottle in the fridge so it’s nice and cold when you drink it :>

-gets kinda surprised and taken aback if you do acts of service on a big scale, he feels like he’s indebted to you but also really enjoys being spoiled it’s so conflicting TT

-“you don’t have to babe!! but don’t stop…if you want to!!” -him probably

-his heart gets all soft when you do small things, plugging in his phone if he falls asleep, remembering important events and reminding him, always checking in on him…

-u guys r so cute STOP 😭😭

•••

taglist: @chansburgah @hamburgers101 @spacegirlstuff @mxrivicgb @endless-tsundoku

#stray kids reactions #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids x reader #stray kids blurbs #stray kids headcanons #stray kids fluff #skz reactions #skz x reader #skz fluff

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minhosbitterriver · 3 months

Note

hi it’s 👽 i saw that you wrote about a reader that smokes weed in your felix oneshot and i was just wondering what type of potheads you think skz members would be

POTHEADS — stray kids

스트레이 키즈 ⨳ genre/s: headcanons (?) ⨳ warnings: obviously the members of skz are stoners, mentions of anxiety, stress, feeling overwhelmed, let me know if i missed anything please i’m high ⨳ rating: 18+ ⨳ word count: 1.8k ⨳ summary: green decides what kind of stoners the stray kids members are.

💭 GUIDELINES ‣ LIBRARY ‣ TAGLIST & ANONS ‣ IN PROGRESS ‣ REQUEST LIST ‣ PINNED

🍃 방찬 — BANG CHAN.

I feel like he started smoking weed after he heard it helped relieve anxiety and stress as well as insomnia. He keeps a bong in his bedroom right under his bed so he can give it a few hits right before bed. Chan also seems to me like the kind of person who would walk around with a handful of neatly-rolled joints in a small tin box that also carries a lighter. It’s often that Chan would excuse himself and walk towards his car just to smoke a joint to calm his mind as soon as his anxiety started to get the better of him, and he would return to work red-eyed and freshly sprayed cologne that everyone pretended to not notice.

When he’s high alone he almost always finds himself staring at the ceiling with a blank expression for a long while, just feeling the blissful emptiness of his own mind. He also just sleeps heavily, like sometimes he’ll be immediately knocked out after a hit of his bong or two. If he’s high while working he finds it easier to focus and really get into the zone of the most routine parts of it, and sometimes being high really helps him think better when it comes to writing. It’s mostly just a hit or miss.

However, when he’s high along with friends, it becomes a different story entirely. He’s just so energetic, so talkative and giggly — there’s a reason he’s so popular amongst idols. He treats the world like a wonder that delights him every single time. Whatever story you tell him, it is received with great enthusiasm and it’s the very thing most like about him.

On the downside, smoking as much as he does really causes memory loss for him, and it’s a struggle he accepts if it means a good night’s sleep. He actually did try to stay sober for at least a month and found that he hated who he became without weed since he didn’t have anything to console his anxiety or to knock him out for the night.

🍃 리노 — LEE KNOW.

Minho doesn’t exactly give me stoner vibes, but I do think he enjoys eating edibles (a.k.a. Felix’s brownies) every once in a while to take the edge off or to relax with the boys. If he’s feeling a little more adventurous, he’ll smoke from whatever the others are smoking from — bong, pipe, joint, whatever. Generally speaking, though, I wouldn’t consider him to be a full-blown pothead since I don’t think he’s the kind to enjoy the feeling of not being in control of his awareness often.

Regardless of if he’s alone or not, I think he would be the kind of guy who would just eat constantly. As a matter of fact, don’t even talk to him if you don’t have something to feed him. It’s ridiculous, honestly. When he is eating, though, he’s so giggly. Jokes that he wouldn’t laugh at, he finds to be the funniest damn thing in the world — just no thought process going on, just giggles.

🍃 창빈 — CHANGBIN.

Changbin started smoking as a teenager and this is a hill I’m willing to die on even though there’s literally nothing that I could say to justify this opinion — I can just picture him sneaking out of the house and school to smoke joints with his buddies and then enjoying the nauseous thrill of getting away with it when he’d return to where he’s supposed to be. I think this might be when he discovered his passion for rapping, I think he was goofing around with his friends singing and rapped a little too well. He probably became curious about it and started doing research and trying to write some verses for himself.

Perhaps he tried to quit around the time of his debut, though, since he wanted to remain sober and sharp during this extremely crucial period of his career. He did so well for a long time, you’d never tell he used to get high all the time back in his teenage years. But then he recognized the familiar scent of weed in the dormitories with the other members and quickly found out it was because of Chan — that was enough for him to return to his old ways, his leader was doing it while being the company’s golden child.

Presently, I believe Changbin only smokes out of a bong. He’s at that point in life where he doesn’t really care about leaving something so obviously related to weed out in his room, so he keeps it in the bathroom cabinet that he uses by himself in his own apartment. There’s not a moment he’s home but not high, it’s the first thing he does when he wakes up, comes back home, and goes to sleep. That bong is always packed, and he genuinely loves it that way. It just makes him feel like he’s traveled back to the days he was young and naive, writing only for himself and rapping in exchange for the laughter of his friends.

While high, he’d also feel starved all the time. It’s not uncommon for him to be eating so much after getting high — which explains the constant jokes the other members make about him loving to eat so much, he’s always high. He’s also very loud and giggly, and just loves making other people laugh. However, if you catch him alone, he’d likely rope into you a very intense conversation in which you confess your darkest thoughts and feelings though he never judges and keeps it to himself.

🍃 현진 — HYUNJIN.

Being such a devout artist and enjoyer of the arts, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he stumbled upon like-minded people who happened to also spend time smoking weed. He’d love it from the first puff of smoke, freely allowing his mind to fog up as he melted into every tingle of his skin that seemed to follow the beat of the music playing in the distance. This would be the moment that would forever change the course of his life as he soon found himself obsessed with perfecting the art of rolling a flawless joint.

He would often add various types of flowers into his joint just to enhance his experience. The beautiful mixture of the very different types of flowers was absolutely intoxicating, and it always inspired him with an abundance of creativity that he always spilt into either the blank canvases he’d buy in dozens or the hundreds of half-filled notebooks he collected everywhere.

I feel like Hyunjin and Changbin would enjoy smoking together a lot. Changbin already likes having deep conversations when he’s like this, and I feel like Hyunjin would also enjoy having these types of conversations as well as the philosophical ones. And I think Hyunjin would like smoking with Felix, too, since they’d always end up listening to soft music that makes them feel like they’re levitating while describing every thought that crosses their mind.

Sometimes he would accidentally get too high, which then causes to become very anxious. For this, he always carries various crystals in his pockets for him to fiddle with as a way to ground himself. But overall, I’d kill to smoke with him so we can be artists together and then maybe even share our works and have a whole discussion about it all. It just sounds so peaceful to me.

🍃 한 — HAN.

Han was encouraged by Chan to start smoking, that much I would say. He’s just so overwhelmed with anxiety, constantly feeling as though he were a cup full of water that is just about to spill over. So Chan invited him into his world of soothing serenity as he’d smoke him out for a while. Eventually Han just started getting his own pipe and his own weed.

His memory is absolutely shot as of now, but it’s okay because he’s not so overly-conscious of the fact that he’s constantly perceived by other people so he’ll consider it a win anyway. He would constantly smell like weed, which the other members find irritating because they’d panic about someone finding out they all smoke. He just always gets a little too high and forgets that he’s not supposed to be a pothead.

🍃 이용복 — FELIX.

I’m not sure when exactly he would start smoking, but I do know he would be the kind of guy to mindlessly always be smoking people out when he smokes. He just enjoys having company when he’s taking the edge off, he definitely sees socializing as smoking and vice versa. It’s very rare to catch him hanging out with a friend and not smoking with them.

Whenever he finds out about a tour or a long trip away from home for work, he’s always sure to bake some treats so he can still get high without drawing too much attention to himself with the smell. He’s just paranoid, but it’s fine. Felix also just likes bragging about his baking skills since nobody ever really tastes the usual twinge of weed, it could really pass as a normal brownie until it hits you an hour later.

Yeah, he’s always high, I’m so certain of it, he’s just very good at hiding it.

🍃 승민 — SEUNGMIN.

Seungmin was probably very bewildered when he found out his members smoked weed, always watching them get high while he sat in a corner quietly. He’d be so curious to know what it felt like, but the members didn’t let him even hold a lighter before he was old enough to. That doesn’t mean he didn’t constantly irritate the members while trying to take a puff whenever they smoked together.

As soon as he was considered an adult, he bought himself so much weed along with a brand new bong as well as a whole box of prerolls to celebrate. He did stop smoking it pretty soon after, though, because he realized the risks of damage to his throat if he continued so he now settles with the edibles.

He’s very goofy when he’s high, too, always throwing sly jokes left and right as if his life depended on it. He just likes making others laugh since the silence feels too loud. I’d also dare say he becomes very sleepy easily as well, so he’d probably be the first to knock out in the middle of a smoking session.

🍃 아이엔 — I.N.

Jeongin definitely had mixed feelings about his members smoking when he found out. He was raised with the very emphasized idea that smoking and doing drugs will definitely lead to your own demise so he was definitely very concerned for his members. However, everyone was very surprised when he actually asked to smoke for his birthday to celebrate his becoming an official adult — he just wanted to at least try it out before he condemned something.

Him getting into the sticky world of potheads was probably even more surprising. Jeongin is mostly a social smoker, but sometimes he enjoys rolling very uneven joints for himself to smoke when he’s particularly overwhelmed. Overall, he’s very much quiet when high, always observing everyone else with an occasional laugh every now and then. It almost feels like he’s watching a scene from a movie, he’d say.

posted: 06 • 30 • 2024

💬 a note from green;

This was honestly so much fun to do while stoned myself, I genuinely want to smoke with all the members of SKZ so badly. I’m also so psyched to find fellow stoner stays on here, let’s all smoke together please and thank you. Thank you so much for the request! Sending you all the love!

( 🏷️ ) permanent taglist: @agi-ppangx

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alwaysonthemend · 1 year

Text

Falling, fallen | JTK

Author's Note: Hey guys! I’m so sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted. I have a full time job and I’m in school so sometimes I get a little behind. I hope the length of this one makes up for the wait. The next thing I post will be the next chapter of Light My Love. Thank you to all of you who have reached out about that fic and I’m so sorry it's taking so long. As usual, this is unbeta'd so sorry for any mistakes.

Summary: You’re the best damn manager that Greta Van Fleet has ever had. You’re always on top of things, you never miss a beat, and shows run smoother than they ever have before. In fact, everything would be perfect if one of the band members hadn't decided to hate you for no reason. Jacob Kiszka despises you. And no matter how hard you try to be nice to him, he’s always just dismissive and rude. After countless little instances of Jake being an asshole to you, you decide that it might be time for a career change. Little do you know, your choice might lead to some unforeseen consequences.

Content Warnings: Fem!reader, arguing, swearing, p in v sex, unprotected sex, fingering, oral (f. receiving) oral (f. receiving) 18+ MINORS DNI

Word Count: 10573

------------------

Being Greta Van Fleet’s manager is both the worst job you’d ever had and the best one. On the one hand, the boys are the most chaotic and hard to manage group of people you’d ever met. They were perpetually late to everything – becoming so frequent it was almost as if they were trying to not be on time. They rarely listen when someone else tries to tell them anything, preferring instead to always do things their way (no matter how many times it backfires on them). And each member was so incredibly particular about how they liked things – and were similar to frustrated little kids when things don’t work out. To put it simply: they’re exhausting.

But at the same time, they were all some of the kindest people you’ve ever met. They took you in; Josh immediately doing his damn best to make you feel included, Danny always there to give you comforting words of encouragement, and Sammy always making you laugh when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed. They’re practically saints; and despite being so hard-headed, they do their best to not make your job more difficult than it already is. Just last week Josh had comforted you for almost an hour after you had accidentally overbooked a weekend of interviewers, scheduling two within the same time slot. He’d reminded you that being human meant making mistakes and that it’s totally okay to make them. And he’d also made sure to mention that you’re damn good at your job and one little mistake didn’t change that. You’d been able to fix the overbooking pretty easily and you both had laughed at your panic after the fact.

In fact, every single person you’d interact with that is a part of the Greta Van Fleet team treats you like you’re family – well, everyone except one. Jake. Jacob Kiszka had avoided you like the plague after your very first meeting. He’d walked into the conference room clad in a black shirt unbuttoned down to his stomach and a pair of white slacks with silver necklaces falling to rest on his tanned chest.. Dark sunglasses were covering his eyes (despite not needing them inside). He’d walked in with an air of complete and utter control, and you’d immediately bristled as he took a seat. After the introductions had been made and all the paperwork and business discussed, you’d approached him to try and introduce yourself personally. You’d managed to meet all of the other members right off the bat and you wanted to extend the same to him – despite how uncomfortable he made you feel.

“Hi!” You’d stuck your hand out to him. “I’m y/n. I’m really looking forward to working with you!” You had plastered your most welcoming smile you could muster as you waited for his response. He looked you up and down before taking your hand in his. His fingers had been warm and you could feel the callouses on them as he shook your hand.

“I know. They introduced you earlier. And you know who I am.” His words held no malice in them, nor anger or frustration. The only emotion he’d met you with was the absence of any at all. Indifference, complete and utter indifference. He dropped your hand and left the room without another word, and without so much as a glance back in your direction. You’d just stood there, jaw hanging open as you watched his retreating form.

“Sorry about him.” Josh had said, coming to stand beside you. “He isn’t the best at meeting new people or small talk.”

“No kidding.” You huffed, eyes still trained on the door he’d just left.

“Give him time.” Josh squeezed your shoulder and gave you a smile. “He’ll come around.”

But he hadn’t. In fact, it seemed that Jake’s dislike for you only intensified as time went on – despite your best efforts to become at least slightly friendly with him. It seemed like the closer you got with the other bandmates, the colder he grew towards you. It frustrated you beyond measure. Everyone liked you. You pride yourself on being able to find common ground with just about anyone, and you ‘d be lying if you said that you weren’t damn good at getting people to like you – no matter who they are. But Jake remained untouchable. He was the only one that you knew practically nothing about.

It didn’t take long after that first meeting for you to become very close with Josh. It was almost unbelievable to you that they’re twins. They’re so completely unalike. Sure, their mannerisms were strikingly similar and their facial expressions were one and the same – but beyond appearances, their personalities were like night and day.

“Josh?” You had asked, about a month into working with them.

“What’s up, y/n?” He’d replied cheerfully, glancing up from his notebook to look at you.

“Why does Jake hate me?” You asked, dramatically falling into the chair across from him. “No matter what I do, he won’t give me anything. Not even his damn facial expression will change. I don’t get it.” You closed your eyes and laid your head back in defeat.

Josh chuckled at your theatrics.

“He doesn’t hate you. He’s just…” He trailed off, lightly tapping his chin with his forefinger. “I actually have no fucking clue.”

You groaned and rose from your place across from him and took a seat on the arm of Josh’s chair.

“I hate it. Everyone likes me.”

“Look, y/n. Jake is just… Jake. I don’t know what else to tell you.”

You paused for a minute, watching as Josh absentmindedly doodled.

“I’m gonna make him like me if it’s the last thing I do.” You declared suddenly, filled with a new sense of determination.

“Oh, God. Here we go.” Josh sighed, placing his pencil down. “Why can’t you just let it go?”

“Because everyone likes me. And I’ll be damned if I let Jacob Kiszka be the one to ruin my track record.”

Josh just shook his head at you.

Step one of your plan was to go out of your way to be nice to Jake, even when he would inevitably try to dismiss you. You’d seen him interact with his brothers and Danny and so you knew that he could be sweet. You just had to figure out why he wouldn’t act like that around you.

Your first opportunity arose one morning about a week after your conversation with Josh. You had awoken early – far earlier than you alarm, and so you had some time to yourself before you had to start rounding up the boys from their separate hotel rooms. You’d gone down to the lobby to treat yourself to a quiet breakfast, away from the craziness that promised to fill the rest of your day. The boys had a show tonight and you had to deal with hotel checkout since they were flying out that very same night to a different city. You entered the breakfast area to see Jake sitting alone in the far corner, nursing a cup of coffee. He glanced up at you as you entered and you waved happily at him before making your way over to his table.

“Morning, Jake!” You said as cheerily. “Do you mind if I sit here with you?”

He glanced at you over his sunglasses, assessing your smiling face as you waited for his response.

“If you’d like.” He said simply, looking back down at his phone. You frowned at his lack of interest but brushed it off and took a seat.

“Did you sleep well?” You asked, giving him the most genuine smile you could.

“Yes.” He answered, short and curt. You waited for him to say more – he didn’t.

“Are you excited for the show tonight? I know I am.”

He sighed and looked up from his phone again at you. He looked annoyed, but you tried to not let your disappointed show on your face at his clear disinterest in talking to you.

“Mm hm.”

The table fell into awkward silence. You couldn’t think of anything else to add. As you sat there, racking your brains for something else to say to try and get a conversation going, Jake rose from his seat abruptly.

“I’m going back to my room.”

“Oh!” You said, taken aback. “Okay. I’ll see later!” But he was already walking away, again refusing to spare you even a passing glance backwards.

“Fuck.” You said to yourself, grimacing. That hadn’t worked at all.

You kept trying as the weeks went by, trying everything you could think of to get him to stop acting like he hated you. You tried bringing him coffee to his hotel room, ordering his favorite foods for meetings, you’d tried asking him about his guitar, or what his favorite city to visit was. You had tried everything and were quickly running out of ideas. Everything you did was met with stony indifference and clipped responses.

Things didn’t start to escalate until after you approached him after a show one night to congratulate him on a wonderful performance.

“You did awesome out there, Jake! Like always!” You said as he walked into the greenroom, sweaty and chest heaving with the exertion of the night. Your eyes couldn’t help but to stare as a drop of sweat rolled down his throat and dripped down onto his chest.

“Thanks.” He started to walk away but you called out to him.

“Wait!”

He turned to you sharply at your raised voice. You hadn’t meant to call out that loudly but you weren’t backing down now.

“Why are you such an asshole to me?” You asked, sudden confidence flowing through you. You watched as his nostrils flared and he opened his mouth to say something before suddenly closing it again. He took a deep breath.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, y/n.” He said, voice calm and cold.

“Bull shit.”

“Goodnight, y/n.” He said, turning his back to you and walking away. You stood there for a long moment, rage flowing through you.

“So,” Josh said loudly, startling you from your anger fueled reverie. “Operation Make Jake Not Hate You doesn’t seem to be going very well, huh?” He looked smug. He too was sweaty from the show and you could feel the warmth of him radiating from his skin in waves.

“Oh shut the fuck up, Joshua. I fucking give up.” You threw your hands up angrily in defeat. “If he’s so determined to hate me so much for no fucking reason, fine! I hate him too!”

And with that, you stormed off, blood pressure only rising more as you heard Josh laughing loudly at you as you stomped away.

True to your word, Operation Make Jake Like You turned into you just trying to ignore him back. You still managed to maintain professionalism, managing his needs and making sure things were done correctly for him – but other than that, you tried to remain friendly with him without pushing for anything more. Instead, you took to hanging out with the other guys in between shows and during the day. And you started spending more and more time with Josh. The two of you had a lot in common, sharing many of the same favorite songs and artists and you both loved to laugh. Josh was so easy to be around and he quickly became your closest friend amongst the boys. You spent lots of time together when your schedules allowed for it, and your little obsession with Jake finally stopped consuming your every thought. He still gave you a cold shoulder, but you tried to stop letting it bother you. It still stung, everytime he dismissed you, but you grew used to it.

Life moved on and your job quickly became a whole lot smoother than it had been at the start. You knew the ins and outs of handling the boys and it took a lot to throw you off now. Things were running smoothly and efficiently – better than they ever had before with other management. Danny had told you as such one night, as you all had been relaxing at a small little downtown bar. You all had a free night and everyone wanted to take advantage of it.

“I’ve gotta say y/n, I think you’re the best manager we’ve ever had.” Danny said, catching the attention of everyone else.

“I absolutely, wholeheartedly agree, Danny.” Josh said, giving you a grin.

“A toast?” Sammy asked, raising his glass to the middle of the table.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” Josh confirmed as he and Danny raised their glasses as well.

“To the best damn manager we’ve ever had!” Josh yelled and the three of them clinked their glasses with yours.

You laughed and blushed, touched by their kindness.

“Isn’t that right, Jake?” Josh asked, turning towards his twin who had remained completely silent.

“Oh yes. The best.” He said, his usual indifference melting away into plain bitchiness.

Danny, Sam, and Josh stared at him, all taken aback by the sarcasm dripping from his words.

“You know, if you have such a problem with me, why don’t you just come out and say it to my face, Jacob.” You said darkly, venom lacing your own words.

“Hey, look guys. Why don’t we just-”

“Shut up, Sam.” Jake said, slamming his glass down. “Maybe I do have a fucking problem with you.”

“Oh yeah? What’s the fucking problem, then?” You spat, rising from your seat to glare at him.

“Y/n…” Josh hedged, sensing the impending blow out that had been months in the making.

“Tell me what the problem is, Jake? I have been nothing but nice to you since the day we met. What could I have possibly done to make you hate me so much?”

Jake rose from his seat too, slamming his palms down on the table. Your raised voices were drawing looks from everyone else at the bar.

“My problem, y/n,” He said, and he spat your name out like it tasted terrible, “is that you’re fucking annoying. You won’t leave me the fuck alone. I’m so sorry that I don’t fall for your obnoxious need to always try and be fucking sunshine and rainbows all the god damned time. You can’t stand that I just don’t like you.” He said the last part slowly and cruelly, eyes blazing from across the table.

“And I’m sorry that you’re so fucking miserable that you can’t stand it when the people around you aren’t!” You shouted, and Danny rose from his seat to put a placating hand on your shoulder. You jerked out of his grip angrily. “You are such a dick, Jake! All I’ve ever tried to be with you is nice. But you dismiss me like I’m a child! I’m sick of it!”

“Alright, enough!” Josh shouted, rising from his own seat. “Both of you, that’s enough!”

Embarrassment over your outburst flooded you suddenly, making your cheeks grow warm. Jake seemed to also have the decency to at least look embarrassed himself.

“I’m going to my room.” Jake said, voice cold and very clearly still angry. “Don’t fucking wait up.” And with that, he stormed away.

You collapsed back into your seat and put your head in your hands, a headache slowly beginning to form behind your eyes.

“Hey,” Danny said, placing his hand back on your shoulder, “just ignore him, y/n. He’s not worth it.”

“I just don’t get what I did to make him hate me!” You cried, hating the way your eyes were filling with tears.

“You didn’t do anything. He’s just Jake.” Josh said softly, before taking a sip of his drink to calm his nerves. He hated seeing the two of you fight: his twin and his best friend. He hated it so much.

“He’s just an asshole, nothing else to it. He likes being grumpy. I honestly think he gets off on it sometimes.” Sam said, and his statement made you laugh quietly despite yourself.

“Thanks, guys.” You said, taking a large gulp of your bourbon.

The conversation moved on and you allowed yourself to forget your argument with Jake, doing your very best to shove your hurt down into the deepest recesses of your brain. You weren’t going to let him ruin your night any more than he already had.

Once you all had finished eating and goodbyes were said, you slowly trudged your way to your hotel room, wishing suddenly that you were back home in your own bed. You loved traveling all around with them, but the night's events were making you yearn to be home. You got ready for bed as quickly as you could, hoping to try and get some good sleep since the boys would be performing tomorrow – show days are always exhaustingly chaotic.

But no matter how long you lay there, sleep continued to evade you. Your thoughts were swirling with Jake’s words, and you couldn’t get his angry face out of your head. Him calling you annoying had hurt – more than you would ever admit out loud. Normally, you’d usually be able to ignore someone else’s jabs at you; but for some reason, Jake’s dislike of you made your chest ache. Well… you knew why it bothered you so much – and you hated yourself for it.

Despite the months of clipped words and cold glares, you’d unfortunately found yourself with a crush. More than a crush, if you were being completely honest with yourself. He was attractive of course, but you had also watched him interact with everyone else enough to see that he was actually a really nice guy. He was sweet and thoughtful, always going out of his way to make sure others felt comfortable. He was always humble, no matter how many sold out arenas he played in – and he would still blush when fans came up to him in public. You had fallen for the version of Jake that he never let you get to experience. And that’s what hurt you the most: the fact that he wasn’t really an asshole – he just truly didn’t like you. You were embarrassed for not realizing it sooner. All these months you had spent trying to get to know him and talk to him, you’d just been making yourself look like a fool. An annoying fool, apparently. You vowed to yourself, laying there that night, that you’d do your very best to stay out of his way. No more attempts at conversations, no more smiles or waves when he entered the room. Hell, you’d even try to start sitting out the aftershow outings with the boys. You’d continue being the best damn manager they’d had, but you’d keep your distance.

The following day was filled with rushing around as you made sure everything was ready for the show. You were at the arena all day, checking with sound and the tech people, so it had been easy to keep your distance. By the time the show started, you were exhausted but proud with how smoothly things had gone. You watched them play from off the side of the stage, tucked into the shadows. Josh’s vocals were incredible – as always, and he’d sent you several smiles and winks as the show progressed. Sam and Danny were flawless, of course. They were the backbone of the band and they never failed to deliver. Jake was utterly transfixing on stage. It was hard to look away from him as he played, but you did your best to put your focus elsewhere.

Everything was going great until the third to last song of the set when you noticed Jake frantically gesturing to one of the backstage workers. You squint your eyes to try and see what was wrong. He was gesturing wildly in a manner that’s so reminiscent of Josh that you almost smile. The rest of the boys are sending concerned glances back at him. He’s not playing the guitar. Sam starts a bass solo to try and cover for Jake, but you can tell that they’re growing more concerned. Finally, another tech person runs over to the back corner of the stage where Jake is with another one of his guitars in hand, He quickly swaps it out before running back to his place on stage. Sam finishes his solo – met with thousands of screams from the audience, and you think that it’s safe to assume that few of them noticed whatever just happened. The tech guy walks past you swiftly and you see the cause of Jake’s anger: a string had snapped on his number one guitar – on stage no less. You turned your eyes back to Jake to see him playing again, and this time you could see the anger oozing from him. His playing had turned downright nasty as he vented his frustration out through his music. You looked away, unable to watch his sinful movements.

The rest of the show went great, and they closed it out to the screams of their fans as they walked off stage to go change. There was no doubt in your mind that they’d be going to a bar – Jake would probably insist. You went about finishing up all you had to for the night, and you made sure to go and find the worker who had brought Jake his other guitar so you could thank him for his swiftness. He’d given you a huge smile, shocked that you’d sought him out.

“Hey, y/n!” You heard Danny call, just as you were beginning to gather up your things to leave. He had changed into a pair of black skinny jeans and a sleeveless band tee. “We're gonna go out for drinks. Coming with?”

You shook your head and gave him a sad smile.

“Not tonight, Danny. I’m going to head back to my room.”

“Why? You always come with us.” He gave you a pout, and you wanted so badly to cave and go with them. But no. You’d made a promise to yourself.

“Jake had a bad night tonight, Danny. I could practically see how mad he was up there. He deserves to go unwind. Me being there isn’t going to help that.”

Danny sighed.

“Y/n… come on.”

“It’s true!” You insisted, slinging your bag over your shoulder. “He hates me. He thinks I’m annoying. And I have been annoying. I’ve been trying to force him to like me without thinking about how it must have been making him feel. My job is to make your lives easy, not to make them more difficult.”

“I really don’t think you make his life more difficult, y/n. You haven’t done anything wrong.” Danny said, and the sympathy in his voice made you want to cry. You could feel your eyes welling with tears for the second night in a row.

“Thank you, Danny. But I’ve made my decision… And I think it’s the right one.” You sniffed and swiped a hand under your eyes in an attempt to hide your tears from him. “You guys have fun.”

You walked away quickly, leaving Danny to watch you go with sad eyes.

The next few shows went about the same (though thankfully without any guitar mishaps for Jake). The boys would go out to celebrate, and you would politely decline to go with them. You’d asked Danny to keep your earlier conversation to himself, and he’d begrudgingly agreed to do so.

“You can’t just shut yourself away because you think his opinion about you is the end all be all.” He’d said, eyes once again filled with sorrow for you.

“It’s okay, Danny. Really. I was becoming too unprofessional with you guys, anyway.”

“That’s ridiculous, and you know it.”

“Can we please just drop it.”

And Danny did. The tour continued on, and you slowly distanced yourself from the boys. You kept things running smoothly from afar, and you did your best to stay away – no matter how much you missed them.

Josh had grown increasingly more concerned for you, begging you to tell him what had changed. You’d just shake your head, telling him that you were just too tired or had work you needed to catch up on. It only took him a month to call your bluff though.

“This is all about Jake, isn’t it?”

The two of you were sitting in your hotel room after he’d insisted he follow you up to “catch up.” You’d allowed it, as you’d been missing hanging out with him terribly.

“What’s about Jake?” You asked, trying to keep your voice as innocent as possible.

He rolled his eyes.

“You suddenly avoiding hanging out with all of us. It’s because of what Jake said that night, right?”

You sighed. There was no way you could lie to him. He knew you too well and you were tired of putting on a brave face. You let your shoulders slump and your face fall.

“I just wish I knew what I did wrong.” You said quietly, voice wavering as you fought back tears. You were so tired of crying over Jake Kiszka.

“Hey, hey.” Josh walked quickly over to sit next to you on the bed. “Y/n, come on. Don’t cry.”

Your face crumpled as the hurt that you’d been hiding for weeks finally bubbled to the surface, spilling over your cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” You said through your tears, feeling stupid for crying like this to him. He was your best friend, sure. But he was still your boss at the end of the day. This was so unprofessional of you.

“Don’t apologize, okay?” He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and you buried your face in his chest. He was warm and smelled good, and all you could think about was how much you wished you’d fallen for him instead of Jake. “Why are you letting him get to you so much, sweetheart? Normally, you’d kick someone’s ass for talking to you like he did.”

You just shook your head, shame filling you as you thought about your stupid feelings.

“It’s just different with him, Josh. I can’t help it.” You took a steadying breath, trying to get yourself back under control. You sat up from him and ran a hand through your hair. It was silent for a long moment.

“Oh.” Josh said, a sudden sadness coming over his face. “Damn it, Jake.” He sighed, pinning you with sad, sympathetic eyes.

“What?” You asked, confusion written clearly across your face.

“All that time you spent obsessing over trying to get him to open up to you, the way you made it your mission to become his friend… I can’t believe I didn’t realize before.”

Your heart was pounding with dread. There’s no way he’d just figured it out, right? There’s no way you’d been that obvious.

“What are you talking about?”

He was looking at you like you were a tragedy. You hated it.

“You like him, don’t you? Like, as in more than a friend?”

You turned away, face burning with shame. Josh reached out and turned your head back to face him. A fresh wave of tears leaked from your eyes.

“I can’t help it. I tried to make it stop. But I just can’t help it.” You cried, and a loud sob worked its way through your chest. You were shaking.

“We can’t help who we fall for.” He said quietly. “I’m sorry, y/n. I don’t know what to tell you.”

“There’s nothing to say, Josh.” You muttered, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand. “I’ve been thinking,” you hedged, suddenly afraid to tell him what you’d been planning for after the tour, “after this last leg of the tour, I’ll probably ask my boss to have someone else transferred to you guys to take my place. I don’t think me staying is a good idea.”

“Y/n, no!” Josh exclaimed, and the sudden rise in volume made you startle slightly. “The rest of us love you! You’re our friend!” he cried, gripping your shoulders tightly. “And you really are the best manager we’ve had. Things have been going so amazing since you joined us!”

“Josh, I’m sorry but I just can’t do this. Jake’s unhappy, I’m unhappy. It’s best if I leave.”

“You’ve been thinking about this for a while, then?” He asked, voice falling quiet again.

“I have.”

“There’s nothing I can say to change your mind.” It’s not a question. He knows there isn’t.

“No. There’s not. I’m sorry.”

He sighed, and for a moment you’re afraid that he’s angry with you. But then he reaches over and pulls you into a tight hug.

“I understand, y/n. It’s okay.”

You could sob at the feeling of relief that washes over you.

“But you have to stay in contact with the rest of us. You have to.” He said, pulling away from you and pinning you with a serious look. “Promise me.”

You giggled.

“I promise.”

Time seemed to fly by as the end of the tour drew nearer, and before you knew it, there was only one show left. Emotions were high in the greenroom backstage as they all prepared to go out one last time, and there was a lingering sadness in the air as you had let Danny and Sam know that you wouldn’t be coming back for the next tour. They’d both been crestfallen at your choice, but hadn’t pushed you to give a reason why. Deep down, you were pretty sure that they already knew.

“Good luck guys. You’re gonna kill it, like always.”

“Thanks, y/n.” Sam said, wrapping his long arms around you tightly. You gave him a squeeze before letting go.

“It’s all for you tonight, y/n! Thank you for everything.” Danny said, also coming up to give you a hug. You smiled and buried your face in his shoulder, breathing in his scent.

“Thank you, Danny.” You said quietly as he pulled away.

Josh came up next. He stared at you for a long moment, a sad smiling gracing his lips. He finally hugged you too.

“You deserve to be happy.” He whispered in your ear, just loud enough for you to hear.

“Thank you.” You said, “For everything.” He gave you a grin.

“Well, boys,” He said, turning to the guys, “We ready?” They all nodded in excitement and you watched them go with a proud smile. Your smile quickly dropped though as you realized that Jake was still standing there. You looked at him, confusion and trepidation clear on your face.

“Good luck, Jake.” You said quietly, dropping your eyes to look at your feet. You couldn't bear to look at him.

“Y/n,” he said, taking a step towards you.

“Two minutes!” You heard someone call. You didn’t say anything as you waited for him to finish.

“Could we… talk? After the show tonight?” He asked, and his voice was the softest you’d ever heard it directed to you.

“Um. Sure?”

He nodded his head curtly.

“Good. Perfect.” He walked towards where the rest of his bandmates had gone, stopping momentarily to look back at you. “Thanks.”

It felt like your entire nervous system was on fire. Jake’s words had been so unlike him – soft, unsure. You felt like your head was in a washing machine, spinning around in all directions with no end in sight. You knew he probably felt guilty. Despite not liking you, you know that he’s a nice enough person to feel bad for being the reason that you’re leaving – any decent person would. And you know that Jake is far more than just decent. You just wish that things had been different.

You stayed in the green room, doing your best to distract yourself with your phone. You scrolled through every social media feed you had and still time seemed to drag on. You got up and wandered around aimlessly, cleaning things that weren’t your job to clean and tidying things that weren’t untidy to begin with. You tried humming to yourself and singing songs, but your stomach was in complete knots. By the time the show was finished, you were already exhausted.

It wasn’t long before Jake entered, and you rose from where you had collapsed onto the sofa.

“Hi.” You said, taking him in. He was sweaty – his usually soft hair was damp and messy. He’d changed from his stage outfit into a pair of dark jeans and a cream colored button down (with his signature look of only having two buttons actually done up). His silver coin necklaces rested against his tan chest.

“Hey.” His voice had that softness to it still – completely unlike the Jake that you had come to know. “Can we go somewhere? To talk? Preferably somewhere where the others won’t barge in on us.”

“There’s a work room down the hall that no one’s using. I ate lunch there earlier.”

He nodded, turning towards the door. You followed swiftly, your purse clutched tightly in your hand. You passed the other guys as you made your way towards the spare room and your cheeks flamed as you and Jake walked by them. You ignored their questioning eyes as they watched you and Jake, no doubt shocked to see the two of you walking together. Your eyes met Josh’s briefly as you left, and your cheeks flamed an even darker shade of crimson as he gave you a knowing smirk.

You pointed towards the door of the spare room and Jake nodded, walking up to it and pushing it open. Sure enough, it was completely empty. The sign on the door said “Staff Only,” and you had only stumbled across it because you had wanted to eat somewhere where the others couldn’t bother you. You had needed some time to just exist by yourself, and the spacious room had been perfect.

Now, standing there with Jake, it felt suffocating. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. His presence was overwhelming. You could smell him from where you stood – a blend of his natural musk and a hint of vanilla. You wanted to cry.

“You’re probably wondering why I asked you to talk to me…” Jake finally hedged, breaking the silence that has descended over the two of you.

You scoffed.

“Yeah. I’m shocked, honestly.” Your words came out sharp and you winced slightly. You weren’t trying to start another fight with him. But he’d hurt you. Badly.

“Yeah.” He sighed and looked down at his feet. “The guys said that you aren’t coming back for next tour.”

“I’m not. I don’t really feel all that welcome here anymore.” You bit out, and Jake was the one to wince this time. The anger from that night at the bar was suddenly coming back, and you wanted so badly to slap the shit out of him. “I’m sure you were happy to hear the news.”

Jake looked away.

“Not really.”

“You don’t have to lie. I know you fucking hate me.” You huffed and took a seat on the sofa that was shoved into the corner.

“I don’t hate you.” He sounded defeated, and there was a small, mean little part of you that was delighted to hear that tone from him. Like he was finally feeling how he had made you feel for all that time.

“Could have fooled me.”

He sighed again, and suddenly he looked so much older than he had a moment ago. His shoulders were slumped and you almost wanted to reach out and comfort him. But you didn’t. You crossed your arms and stared at him expectantly.

He seemed to sense that you weren’t going to say anything else.

“Can I sit?” He gestured at the empty spot next to you.

“Sure.”

He took a seat. You could feel the warmth radiating off him. It was silent for a long moment. You, unwilling to say anything else and Jake unable to find the words.

“Well?” You asked, pinning him with an impatient glare. “I’m here. If there’s actually a point to this conversation please say it so I can leave.” You know you’re being unfair. He’s clearly working up to trying to apologize but you can’t find it in yourself to care. You’ve spent so long letting him make you feel like you’re less than, and for once you finally have the upper hand.

“I’m sorry.”

That stops your thoughts in their tracks. You’d expected him to beat around the bush, to give an excuse, to say you’re overreacting. A straight up, no nonsense apology had been the last thing you were expecting.

“What?” You couldn’t help but to ask, incredulity evident in your tone.

“I’m sorry for being such a dick.” You stare at him – searching for any traces of a lie. You find none. There’s only a sad truthfulness reflected in his brown eyes. “You haven’t done anything to deserve how I’ve treated you. I’m sorry. I don’t have an excuse.”

You let his words sit heavy between the two of you for a moment. You’re at a loss. He doesn’t have an excuse, and you have no idea what to say back to him.

“Thank you.” You finally breathe out, voice quiet and unsure.

“You don’t have to leave.” He says, voice equally reserved in the odd tension. “I’m sorry I made you feel like that’s the best choice. You’re a good manager. It’ll be hard for us to find a good enough replacement.” He looks down at his hands. He’s fiddling with them, picking at the skin of his thumbs the way he often does when he’s lost in thought. You’d watched him do it on numerous occasions.

“I don’t really know what to say to you, Jake. You really hurt me. I…” You stop yourself, unwilling to let him see how deeply his words and actions had cut you; unwilling to show him how weak he had made you.

“You don’t have to say anything. You don’t owe me anything. But I do want to ask you to stay.”

Rage fills you suddenly, so sudden and sharp that your vision seems blurry as your blood pressure rises at his words.

“How fucking dare you.” You seethe, teeth clenched as you think about all that he’s done. “I tried so hard to be nice to you. I wanted your approval so fucking badly. I let you make a fool out of me. How fucking dare you to ask me to stay now?” Your voice got louder and louder as you spoke, and Jake’s eyes widened at your sudden change in demeanor. “Fuck you, Jake Kiskza. That’s all I have to say.” You rose suddenly with the intent to get the hell out of there when he too rose to his feet.

“That’s not fucking fair, y/n!” He yelled, hands clenched at his sides. “I’m trying to apologize, here. You don’t have to throw it right back in my fucking face!”

“Hurts doesn’t it. Trying to be nice, only for the person to throw it back in your face?”

Jake rolls his eyes and scoffs.

“I’m getting the fuck out of here. Jesus Christ.” You cry, turning back towards the door.

“Yeah. Go cry to Josh, like you always do.”

His words feel like a bucket of ice water has been dumped on you.

“What?” You ask lowly, turning back around to look at him. He’s got his shoulders pushed back, defiance glittering in his eyes.

“I said, go cry to Josh. Just like you always do.”

“What in the ever living fuck,” you growl, stepping back towards him so that your chests are flush, “is that supposed to mean.”

He looks down at you and you can practically see the anger radiating off him.

“It means that I’m tired of watching you following him around like a kicked puppy. He’s not interested by the way, in case you were wondering.” A smug smirk paints its way across his lips and you want so badly to slap it off him again.

“What on Earth makes you think I want anything like that with Josh?”

“Oh please,” he rolls his eyes, “I’m not fucking blind. You want him – you’re always hanging out with him, hugging him, touching him. It’s pathetic.”

“And so what if I do want him?” You ask, blood practically boiling. “Why do you fucking care what I do with someone else?”

“I don’t. I don’t give a flying fuck what you do, y/n!” He shouts. The two of you stare at each other, both of your chests heaving as you practically square the other up. His face is twisted in anger – but there’s something else there, hidden in his eyes. It’s not anger.

Holy shit.

“Are you fucking jealous?” Your voice is high and shaky, and you watch as his eyebrows shoot to his hairline at your question.

“Are you insane? I’m not jealous. Jesus, what the fuck?”

There’s a defensiveness in his tone now, and he’s suddenly looking anywhere on your face but your eyes.

“You are. You’re jealous. Jealous because you think I want Josh.” You don’t pose it a question because you know. You can see it all over his face. He’s been jealous this whole time. Sure, maybe your first meeting had just been a result of his poor small talk skills… but everything else? Pure jealousy.

“Fuck you.” He spits, but he knows he’s been caught.

“You are a fucking idiot, Jake. Holy shit. I don’t want Josh, dumbass! I wanted you!”

His jaw drops and he stares. There’s a part of you that’s embarrassed for admitting it out loud, but the panic that flashes across his face is worth it.

“What?”

“You heard me. I never wanted Josh, Jacob. I wanted you. But you were so much of a dick that I gave up.”

“Wanted?” His voice is suddenly small, empty of the anger that had filled it just moments before.

“I don’t know.” You answer, and it’s the truth. After everything, you’re not sure the two of you could ever form a normal friendship – let alone anything more.

“Fuck.” He breathes out, before sitting heavily back down on the sofa. You sit back down next to him, the fight drained from you at your confession. Neither of you know what to say.

“I thought you and Josh slept with each other… or were going to. This whole time.”

You don’t say anything. There’s nothing left to say, really.

“I wish you had just asked. Instead of assuming.”

“Me too.” He turns to you, and his eyes look so sad it makes your chest ache. You don’t want to look at him when he looks like that.

“Would you still?”

You look at him confused.

“Want me?” He clarifies. “If things were different.”

You take a moment to answer. At this point, there’s nothing left to lose.

“I think I’ll always want you, Jake. No matter how much I try not to.”

“Can we…” He stops, takes a breath. You can practically see the gears turning as he tries to work out what to say. "Can we try?"

You stare at him, afraid you're reading into his words wrong.

"Try what?"

"Try again?" His words are small, quiet. He's not looking at you anymore and you suddenly wish you hadn't been so angry with him. "We can go slow. Like we're starting over."

You ponder his words for a long moment. There's so many thoughts running through your mind and you can barely grab hold of any of them.

“I don’t know, Jake. You really hurt me.”

He hung his head, his dark hair framing his face. Even now, you can’t help but to admire him.

“I’m so fucking sorry.” He says, before finally bringing his eyes to yours. There are tears there, and your heart aches at the sight. “I was jealous. I really thought you were interested in Josh.”

“Why didn’t you just ask me? Instead of assuming and then treating me so horribly?”

“Because… because I can’t compete with someone like Josh, anyway. Didn’t think there was a point.” He shifts where he’s seated next to you and turns his eyes down to the floor. You don’t say anything, afraid to scare him back behind his walls. “We may be twins, but he’s got all the charm.”

“Jake,” you say quietly, “look at me.”

He does, slowly turning his brown eyes to you.

“This isn’t a competition. I only ever wanted you.” You tell him, and he can see that there’s no lie in your words. “And even if it was a competition, I still would have chosen you, Jake.”

“So I’m just a fucking idiot, then.” He says, and this time the anger in his voice is directed at himself.

You giggle.

“A little bit, ya. But I still want you, Jake. Despite trying so hard not to.”

“Let me show you I can be different. Please. Let me make it up to you.” He pleads, but you already know that you’d have let him do anything he wanted. Despite everything, you’d still fallen for him. And now here you are, with the chance to finally have him after months of thinking it was impossible.

“Okay.” You breathe out. “Okay, Jake.”

Faster than you can blink, his lips are on yours – soft and warm. You gasp, and Jake takes the opportunity to slide his tongue between your lips. His hands grip your shoulders tightly – like if he lets go you’ll run away. You bring your hands up to cup his cheeks as you kiss him back. The kiss is desperate, needy. All those months of want finally spilling over into this moment. You whimper quietly into his mouth and he pulls away. His eyes are blown wide with need and there’s an almost feral look to his face – his eyes are practically devouring you.

“I’m not making love to you for the first time on a shitty break room couch.” He says breathlessly and you quirk your eyebrow at his choice of words. He flushes but you let it slide, instead rising to your feet.

“Hotel?” You extend your hand to him and he laces his fingers with yours, allowing you to pull him to his feet.

“Yep. Yeah. Just quickly.” He shifts on his feet and you laugh as you realize that he’s painfully hard and trying to figure out how to walk normally.

Hands still clasped together, the two of you practically sprint towards the back exit of the venue. It’s mostly empty now, with everyone else having cleared out as soon as possible after the show ended. The two of you make it all the way to the back foyer without anyone seeing you.

But in your haste to get out, you almost don’t see Sam and Danny standing there gawking as they watch you drag Jake towards the door.

You stop short upon seeing them, causing Jake to bump into you from behind. You both look like deer caught in headlights or like little kids who have just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

“Um.” You say eloquently and Jake snickers from behind you.

“Alright, you boys ready to g-” Josh turns a corner, and stops in his tracks too. You watch as his eyes sweep from yours and Jake’s flushed faces to your hands that are still interlocked.

“Howdy, guys,” Jake finally pipes up from behind you. “Fancy seeing you all here.”

They all nod to the two of you, and each of their faces are filled with complete shock. You’re so embarrassed you wish the floor would swallow you whole.

“We’re um… heading out.” Jake says and you want to facepalm at his lack of imagination in coming up with some sort of excuse.

“And I’m sure it’s totally not what it looks like, right?” Josh asks with a shit eating grin and a raised eyebrow.

“What exactly does it look like, Joshua?” Jake snaps, eyes blazing at his twin.

“Oh nothing.” He shrugs, lifting his hands up in defense. “Right?” He turns to look at Danny and Sam who are still standing there with their mouths open.

It’s Danny that manages to fix his face first.

“Oh, yeah. Doesn’t look like anything to me.” He says with a smile, and you can practically see the teasing that he’s going to give you after this.

“Yeah, it doesn’t look like you’re going to have sex at all.” Sam says, the little brother shittiness finally coming out.

“Oh fuck off, all of you. We’re leaving.” You start to walk again, yanking Jake’s hand so he follows you.

“You guys have fun not fucking each other!” Josh calls as you and Jake step out onto the street. Jake just shoots him the bird the two of you take off, giggling like kids.

The hotel you’re staying at isn’t far, just over a block away from the venue. But it feels like it takes ten years for you to make it to the lobby, and Jake doesn’t once let go of your hand.

The walk to the elevator is silent, and your mind is working a mile a minute. Your heart is racing and you feel like you’re in a dream. Out of the corner of your eye, Jake stares resolutely ahead, watching as the little screen above the elevator doors counts each floor.

Finally, they open on your floor and you pull Jake towards your room.

“Hold on… key card.” You say, extracting your hand from Jake’s to reach into your purse. You swipe the key card and open the door, hesitating only a moment before stepping over the threshold. The reality of what you came here for sets in suddenly, and you stand frozen in the middle of the room as you watch Jake shut the door behind him.

“You okay?” He asks, walking towards where you’re standing, stopping just close enough that if you wanted, you could reach out and touch him.

“I don’t know.” Your admission is quiet, spoken to the floor and not really to him. You don’t know how to feel.

“I’m sorry.” He repeats, his own voice soft. “We don’t… we don’t have to do anything, y/n. I wasn’t expecting,” he waves his hands between the two of you vaguely, “this. Like at all.”

“Me neither. I don’t- I don’t know how to feel, Jake.”

He sighs and wrings his hands together. You stare at them, remembering that you now know what they feel like in your hand. Calloused, rough – but still gentle somehow.

“I’ve really fucked things up, haven’t I?” Jake asks. You don’t answer.

“I never meant for things to get as far as they did.” He continues, walking over to sit heavily onto your bed. “I was jealous and I acted like an asshole to you.”

“Yeah, you did. But I was annoying, too. I should have just left you alone.” You say softly. “I shouldn’t have tried so hard.”

Jake shakes his head at you slowly, his soft hair – finally dry, swishes across his shoulders.

“You weren’t annoying. You were just being nice. You have nothing to apologize for. Come sit?”

You comply, sitting down next to him – making sure to leave some space between the two of you.

“You know, I heard you talking to Danny that night after my guitar string snapped.”

You turn to him sharply, brain racing trying to remember if you had said anything embarrassing.

“You stayed in that night because I’d had a bad night and you thought you would make it worse…”

You nod.

“You were so angry. I didn’t want to cause another fight.”

“I did get angrier, though. I was angry at myself for making you think that I hated you. But I didn’t know how to fix it.” He looks away and you take the opportunity to watch him. There was only one lamp on, and it cast shadows across his jaw. “Let me fix it. Please.”

You sit there for a long moment and just think. You let yourself feel the hurt and the anger. You think about every rude word or dismissive glare. You think about that night at the bar when you screamed at each other. You think of earlier in that break room. You think about all of it before finally turning to him.

“There’s nothing to fix, Jake. I forgive you.”

His eyes widen comically at you and his jaw drops open.

“What?”

“I forgive you.” You say simply, shrugging your shoulders. “I fell for you a long time ago, Jake. And those feelings aren’t going to go away – believe me, I’ve tried.”

He huffs a laugh.

“But I’m tired of this animosity between us.” You continue, pinning his gaze under your own. “I just want to be with you. No more arguing, no trying to make up for what’s already happened. Let’s just… be.”

“I don’t deserve you.” He admits, lacing his fingers with yours.

“Yes, you do. So let’s let it go.”

“Okay.”

You squeeze his hand in yours. He squeezes back.

“Now would you please kiss me already.”

Finally, a real smile spreads across Jake’s lips and his eyes sparkle at you.

“Of course.”

His lips crash into yours for the second time and it’s even better than the first. There’s no uncertainty now. It’s just you and him. You lean back, grasping his shoulders to follow you down. He pulls away slightly as your weight settles and he smiles.

“Eager?”

You don’t glorify his question with a response – instead sealing your lips over his again. He groans into your mouth as you hook your legs around his waist, bringing your core flush against his hardening cock.

Jake sits up and you scoot further into the middle of the bed, sitting up for a moment to rid yourself of your shirt. Jake does the same, unbuttoning his top with shaky fingers and tossing it to the floor. He taps your hips, signaling for you to lift them up. He slides your pants off you and you kick them off. Jake follows suit, leaving the two of you in nothing but your undergarments.

Jake looks down at you and you watch as his eyes rake over your form, pupils blown wide.

“Look at you.” He whispers and your core pulses at the sound of his voice – husky and low, laced with desire.

He’s a sight to behold all on his own and you allow yourself to stare – taking in every bit of skin that you’re finally getting to see.

“Look at you.” You say and he smiles down at you, eyes growing softer for a moment.

“Don’t do that.” You whisper, grasping his shoulders to pull him down to you. His face is inches above your own and you can feel his heavy breaths against your face. “Don’t feel guilty. Just be here. With me.”

He nods and attaches his lips to your neck, leaving a trail of hot kisses down your throat. He sucks and licks as he goes, causing the wetness in your panties to grow even more. You slide your palms up his strong back, feeling the muscles ripple underneath your fingertips. His cock is hard where you can feel it against you, and you press your hips up into him slowly. He moans loudly against the hollow of your throat.

“Fuck, y/n.”

He reaches beneath you and unhooks your bra, allowing your breasts to spill out for him to admire. He bites your nipple, rolling the sensitive bud between his teeth and you whine, lacing your fingers in his hair and tugging.

“Jake.” You moan, rolling your hips up to meet his – desperate for any bit of friction. Jake senses your need and dips his fingers into your panties and slides his finger between your folds, relishing in the wetness that’s gathered there.

“So wet for me, pretty girl.” He says, before bringing his finger to his lips to suck your juices off his fingers. “Tastes so fucking sweet.”

“Stop teasing me, Jake.” You whine, pawing at his cock where it tents his boxers. You slip your fingers beneath the waistband and pull them down and Jake lifts his hips so you can slide them all the way off. Jake yanks your panties down as well and you hiss as the cold air of the hotel room hits your hot center. Your pussy throbs and you press your thighs together.

“Don’t.” Jake says, and he presses your knees back apart. He gives you one last devilish grin before diving into your folds, lapping at the wetness and circling your clit with his tongue.

“Oh fuck!” You cry as you throw your head back in pleasure. He swirls your swollen clit with the tip of his tongue before attaching his lips to suckle at it mercilessly. You moan loudly, and you’d probably feel sorry for whoever was in the room next to yours if you weren’t so focused on the intense pleasure coursing through your body.

“You taste so good, angel. Can’t believe I let my own jealousy keep me from tasting you sooner.”

You whine as he pushes one finger inside of you, curling it inside of you in the most delicious way. The coil in your belly begins to tighten, and you know it won’t be long before it snaps.

“Fuck, right there. Jesus.” You moan as he adds another finger and Jake chuckles. The vibration against your clit makes you jump, so he presses his forearm across your hips – effectively keeping you in place. “Jake I’m gonna cum.” You warn and he only picks up the pace of his fingers, fucking into you relentlessly as he continues lapping at your clit.

“Give it to me, sweet girl.” He says against your core and that’s all it takes. Your orgasm rips through you and you whine his name as he laps up your release. He pulls his fingers from you and licks them, groaning as he tastes you.

“Fuck, y/n. You look divine, all spread out for me like this.”

“Only for you.” You say, still trying to get your breathing under control. You sit up and stare at him. His cock is rock hard and weeping, standing at full attention. Your mouth waters at the sight of him.

“Lemme taste you, Jake.” You say as you reach your hand towards his length. He grabs your wrist in his hand, stopping you.

“As much as I’d love for you to, I’m not gonna last if you do that. Next time.” He promises, releasing your wrist. “But tonight I wanna cum in this pretty pussy.” He glances around suddenly, eyes searching for something.

“What?” You ask, rising to lean on your elbows.

“You don’t happen to have any condoms around here, do you?”

“I’m clean. And I’m on birth control.”

He pins you with a heated stare.

“Are you sure?”

“Very. Want you to fill me up, Jake.”

He groans at your words and brings his hand up to pump his cock. His chest is flushed and sweat is gathering at his temples.

“Fucking hell. Okay.”

You spread your legs and Jake glides the head of his cock through your folds, gathering the wetness before slowly sliding into you. You both moan at the feeling of him sinking into your pussy. He bottoms out and pauses, giving you time to adjust to the stretch of him.

“Jesus, you’re so fucking tight." He growls, brows pinched together as he tries to hold back from moving.

“Do it, Jakey. Give it to me. Move.” You whine, pushing your hips into his. He complies, pulling out of you almost completely before slamming back into you. He sets a hard pace – the force of each thrust pushing you upwards, making your tits bounce as he rails into you. His eyes are transfixed on them as they bounce up and down, and you rake your nails down his back. You wrap your legs around him and press your heels into his ass, drawing him in closer.

“Fuck, you feel so good.” He groans.

“God, Jake. Right there.” You cry, clenching your eyes closed. “Harder! Fuck!”

Jake grabs your calf tightly with his right hand, throwing it over his shoulder. He then plants his forearms on either side of you, caging you in with his body. The new angle allows him to hit even deeper, the tip of his cock hitting that special place inside of you with each thrust. You wail as he pistons his hips into yours and little breathy moans fall from his plump lips. His eyes screw shut and his hair is damp as he fucks you better than anyone ever has. You clench around him and he groans loudly, sweat dripping down his chest as he opens his eyes to watch your face as the pleasure takes you over.

“You look so fucking gorgeous, baby.” He says, thrusts growing more desperate as his own release quickly begins to approach. He slides one hand between the two of you, circling your clit in time with his thrusts.

“Jacob!” You scream, as your second climax washes over you, sending white hot pleasure coursing throughout your entire body. It seems to keep going forever, and your legs shake and your body twitches as he keeps fucking you through it.

“Fuck, say that again.” He says through clenched teeth, thrusts growing erratic and sloppy.

“Jacob.” You say, and this time it comes out as a needy whine.

“Fuck, fuck. Shit!” He growls as his mouth drops open. His own orgasm finally arrives and you feel his cock twitch inside of you as he paints your walls with his release. He thrusts into you deeply once, twice, three more times before collapsing onto you.

“Jesus.” You say, closing your eyes as you fight to get your heart rate back down to a reasonable pace.

“Yeah.” He pulls his cock from you and your pussy clenches at the loss of him. “Hold on.” He reaches down towards the foot of the bed where his boxers lay. He cleans you both up before throwing them down onto the floor. He reaches across to the nightstand and flicks the light off.

He collapses onto his back and you roll onto your side to face him. The two of you stare at each other in the dark.

“Do you believe me now when I say all is forgiven?” You ask him, smiling as you take in his fucked out expression.

“Yeah, I guess.” He says, smiling back at you. “I’m still gonna keep telling you though – I’m so fucking sorry.”

You reach up and cup his face between your palms, bringing him close to you so you can press your lips to his in a sweet kiss.

“And I’ll keep telling you that it’s okay.” You say against his plush lips. “I’ll always choose you.”

He searches your face before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Thank you.”

He pulls you in tight to his chest, and you can feel his steady heartbeat as you nuzzle into his skin. You toss one leg over him, pulling him even tighter against you.

“Does this mean you’ll come back for the next tour?” He asks, face buried in your hair.

You giggle.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

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