#I have an entire fucking flow chart okay

[wayward40k]

[[ ... ]]

[andi-o-geyser]

just another day wasting away in margaritaville trying to figure out how the actual fuck the Grand Army of the Republic is organized. send assistance i am shaking sobbing crying in a corner

[dungeonbent]

more than you can chew

"So you want us to take you to the bottom of the dungeon..." Laios muses, nursing the overly sweetened ale that you've just bought a round of.

At first, your impression of the man had been somewhat less than stellar. The easy-going air he has about him, coupled with the enthusiastic way he asked about your home in the western capitol and his overly friendly demeanor, made you slightly wary. But now that business talk has started, he seems to be giving it serious thought.

Laios asks, "Could I maybe get a timeframe on that?"

You say, "I was hoping to enter within the month." You don't have much more time than that. Your name is Kanaya Maryam, and you think things might just work out.

Then Laios Touden says, "Yeah, uh. I think we'll have to turn you down on this one?"

He smiles apologetically, as if he hasn't just dashed your heart straight onto the rocks. You stare at him in shock, letting the ambient noise of the tavern and its festival-going patronage fill the silence between you as you struggle to grasp onto what could have possibly gone wrong.

You start to say, "If it's about the money, I can always-"

"Ah- it's really not about the money, I promise!" Laios says, holding his hands up. "It's just... okay, how do I put this..."

You allow some time for the tallman to articulate his response, hands tightening around your own mug. You don't even like to drink. But within the Festival of Lost Hearts, there seems to be some invisible decree that states all of those who so much as step out into the sun ought to have some syrupy alcoholic bullshit liable to destroy more relationships than just that of the body and its liver.

Laios doesn't get to formulate his full response, because his companion takes a pause from downing some of that alcoholic bullshit to cut in with a dry, "Yeah, what you're describing just isn't logistically reasonable."

"How so?" You ask, peeved. You think you've laid out the relevant points quite succinctly, actually. You even provided flow charts! No one can deny you when you have pictures! You are sure there is a law somewhere that says this.

The half-foot- Chilchuck, you think- leans forward, looking entirely unimpressed. "You want us to take you to the bottom of the dungeon on, and I quote, a 'research mission-slash-treasure hunt-slash-general dungeon things', trip. Do you have any idea how vague that all is?"

"That's what this diagram is for," You say, starting to rifle through your papers, "I really have it all well divvied out-"

"And you're basing this off a book?" Chilchuck presses, leaning up to plant an elbow on the table and stare you down. "What makes you think it's even accurate, exactly?"

"I'll have you know that it's written by a very reputable source," You say, trying to keep your hackles from rising. "You can check with all the scholars- R.L. Theras really did disappear in Skaia dungeon--"

"Yeah," Chilchuck interrupts, "and some guy took the real story of some missing adventurers and decided to make a quick buck."

You scoff. Theras's writing style is far too lyrical to be merely any charlatan off the street. "To say such a thing sounds to me like a lack of experience. Perhaps you should live a few more years before making that assertion?"

Chilchuck scowls, the ale sloshing in his skein as he gestures with it, "I am plenty fucking experienced-!"

"Whoa, whoa, hey," Laios cuts in, putting a large hand on Chilchuck's narrow shoulder. Chilchuck turns a glare towards him as he says, "Chilchuck here's one of the best lockpicks you're gonna get. He's more than experienced." That seems to mollify the smaller man somewhat, though not for long, as Laios continues, "That being said, assuming that the book is real-"

"- are you trying to get scammed again?" Chilchuck hisses, but you elect to ignore him since you... suppose it might make sense why this would seem like a scam, to someone who thought R. L. Theras's work to be fiction.

Laios glances at Chilchuck and Chilchuck appears to back down, sinking back into his seat with a grumble. Laios continues, "Assuming that the book is real, you're not giving us much time to prepare, and no clear goal to actually prepare for. It's like... just asking us to bring a bunch of rations down and survive, and nothing else."

"Is that a bad thing?" You ask.

Laios and Chilchuck both look at each other. You do not appreciate whatever secret message they appear to be communicating to each other with their eyes. You wish you had any kind of mental magic to take a peek into what it could be. Or any magic at all.

"Say, Kanaya," Laios says, "have you ever actually... been to a dungeon?"

"Not before yesterday." You say honestly, "But I've been reading about them."

"Okay, so. The big thing about making a trip into a dungeon successful is having a clear plan on how long you're in the dungeon, and how you're going to get out. How long did it take R. L. to get to the bottom?"

Is this a pop quiz now? Somewhat confused, you answer, "Two months."

"And their only goal was to reach the bottom of the dungeon," Laios says, "No layovers for extra research and no extra treasure hunting. So how long do you think it'll take to reach the bottom if you have all that other stuff to do on top of it?"

You start to deflate. "... Longer."

"And getting back?"

"Does your sister not have a teleportation spell...?"

"If she can't use it for whatever reason, I mean."

You feel like sinking into the floor. "Even longer."

"There you go," Chilchuck says, raising his glass. "What you're asking for assumes that nothing's going to happen and that nothing will go wrong. In the dungeon where everything goes wrong constantly. That's a death wish."

You're starting to feel rather foolish, and rather desperate. You know you haven't been entirely forthcoming about the true nature of your desired trip into the dungeon, but even still...

"What if," You ask, despite yourself, "it was to... save someone?"

This catches Laios's attention. He asks, gently, "Save who...?"

"I don't know." And that's the truth.

Chilchuck heaves a sigh and says, "Well, that'd need even more planning- unless you know the exact place their corpse is- and who the corpse even is- you could be canvasing those floors for weeks..."

"What if they're alive?" You ask.

Chilchuck clicks his tongue. "Yeah. That's... kind of doubtful." He pauses, then sets his mug aside. "Sorry. We really wouldn't be able to help you with that."

You all lapse back into silence and you stare at your plans, trying to figure out how you can still salvage this. Porrim gave you six months to find what you've come for in Skaia's dungeon, and you know that if you don't leave in time, the Canaries may well follow. The Touden party are the most qualified party you've spoken to today. If they think this is an impossible task...

"Hey," Laios says, "wanna get something to eat? My treat!"

"Oh, no," You start, "I couldn't possibly-"

"You may as well eat something- it's not like there's anything else to do at a party," Chilchuck says, starting to flag down someone carrying two large trays of bowls, weaving through the throng of unruly patrons.

You have no recourse to deny the men their meager offer of comfort. You're still slightly bitter at having been shut down so soundly, but the stew that's served is warming. It is a dish the locals call 'bukenade', bowl filled with tender pieces of goat meat falling apart under the slightest pressure of a spoon into a savory, fragrant broth which seemed tinged with just the barest hint of sweetness from verjus.

It's only somewhat into the meal, after you start to feel a bit better, when Chilchuck clears his throat and offers, "You talk to Vans yet?"

"Hm?" You hum through a mouthful of food, covering your mouth as you're caught mid-chew like a startled animal.

"For your job." Chilchuck adds.

You swallow and shake your head. Though the name does sound somewhat familiar for some reason... "I don't know who that is."

"So there's this guy," Chilchuck says, and you nod, because you did assume it was some kind of guy. "His name's Karkat Vans. He and his lockpick buddy have a party together. Can't say I see eye to eye with him on everything, but... kid's good at what he does. He gets people to listen to him." Chilchuck leans back, "If he can do that, he might be able to help you out."

There's a glimmer of hope that strikes you when you hear that. You look at Chilchuck and say, "I'll have to do that. Thank you, Chilchuck... sir." Gods, you sound so awkward. You hope he doesn't say anything.

Chilchuck doesn't say anything, but he does roll his eyes a little. "Yeah, yeah. Don't mention it."

[sunriseverse]

in the spirit of being excited about my passions rather than annoyed, here's some of my favourite things about zmyx!

one: the costuming. oh, god, the costuming. look, i'm a pretty regular sewist, and a lot of my wardrobe, small as it is, is specially curated. in zmyx, every character has a distinctive look, and they all look good. ruan nanzhu, as often as he changes outfits, always looks hypercompetent and impeccable; lin qiushi dresses in largely loose outfits that give him a sense of innocence not from a lack of experience, but rather because he carefully maintains his optimism. their outfit design is carefully chosen to convey their character archetypes, and it works. and, on top of that, it's not just the leads—the side characters, the minor characters, hell, even the npcs, are dressed with care and attention, and it shows. my favourite outfits so far are ruan nanzhu's second door outfit, which gives off used car salesman vibes, and lin qiushi's sweater/overalls combo, which looks so silly and yet fits him perfectly. and, of course, the jiejie in the sister drum door. ah, the red wedding robe! the way you can't tell if it's red naturally, or from blood! wonderful, stunning, marvelous, can i get ten more.

two: the chemistry between the leads. i know this is a point i brought up in my annoyed post, but here i'm going to talk about it on the positive end. the leads have excellent chemistry, and the yearning? the yearning. oh, god, it's off the charts. ruan nanzhu is looking at this man, and you can see the instant he falls in love, inescapable as the gravity well of a black hole. and lin qiushi is no different! the way he handles ruan nanzhu tenderly, the way he smiles at him, the way they interact—be it playful, worried, or jealous, all of it feels real in a way that's hard to capture in film unless actors click. and ruan nanzhu keeps just saying these batshit lines that amount to entire confessions in and of themselves, i-love-you-so-damn-much, please-let-me-make-sweet-sweet-love-to-you, live-with-me-forever. fucking 我需要你?????? and lin qiushi, who not only doesn't flinch, but half the time, encourages him? i've lost my damn mind, my entire damn mind, this show has ruined me, i'll never be the same.

three: lizi. i love so much that they used an actual cat rather than cgi, and i love that the cat actor they got never appears to be alarmed or uncomfortable. so often in shows with feline actors they're making clear signs of distress, but not here! no, lizi really just is a slinky, adorable, darling ball of fluff. i want to pet lizi so bad, oh my god.

four: the dialogue. okay, this i've touched on somewhat already in point two with the chemistry, but each character has their own distinctive voice, and i love it. it makes it easier to write, which is nice, but more than that, it makes the characters feel lived in. lin qiushi, kind but with a thread of hidden steel; ruan nanzhu, one moment soft and flowing, almost seductive cadence towards the man he loves, playing up the aura of mystery, the next moment whining and jealous as he fends off perceived romantic rivals. and the npcs! it would be so easy to make them feel flat, but each of them feels like a real part of the world they're in, and many of them have their own backstories and regrets and lives. the first door, with the innkeeper, and then the sister drum with "xu jin"? ah, perfect!

five: the visuals. technically costume falls under this, but this show just looks so fucking good. so goddamn good! visually! people have mentioned this was low-budget, and honestly, i was stunned, because this looks like someone threw a netfix show's worth of funding at it. yes, the cgi wolves at the start are a bit janky, but other than that? the sets, the lighting, the camerawork? everything is so lush and well thought out and visually appealing.

[hauntedfalcon]

Can we stop acting like the fact that AO3 didn't have to fund legal fees is a bad thing?

Its literally what we, as content creators, want. It means no jumped up Anne Rice wanna-be came after content creators. It means that the content creators using AO3 did so within full service and operation of both the law and site policy. It means that we were able to do what we enjoy doing, without threat, for two consecutive years.

Probably because people were too busy with a literal global pandemic to be serving C&D or DMCA forms over fucking fanfic, but hey, who knows, right?

It is not a bad thing.

Also, just so you know, AO3's fundraising goal is the literal bare minimum figure they'd have to have as their in-flow cash in order to function based off a cashflow forecast and internal financial analysis. Have you ever looked at your job and worked out the bare minimum you'd have to work to have all your bills paid? Yeah, that's AO3's set target for their fundraisers.

For full transparency, here's the flow chart of AO3's full 2022 budget and cashflow.

THIS IS WHAT WE WANT.

Personally if I saw that AO3 had a $00.00 flatline for in-kind legal advocacy every single year? Fuck yeah. I'd love that. Because it means nobody needed it.

But I'll bet you're pissed that big bad AO3 got so much money, mm? Its okay widdle babey, here's the cashflow analysis of the biggest corporate charities to make you feel better. AO3's annual income for the last six years alone doesn't even touch the figures you see below.

AO3 is literally not taking away from anyone. The only thing you're mad about is you feel entitled to that money because you have this skewed notion you would've received it had AO3 not. That's not how life works. AO3's donations aren't even 50% of the top 10 global charity networks and corporations. AO3 isn't 'taking away donations people in need would've received' or whatever other half-assed argument you've got brewing.

Just leave it the fuck alone. Nobody's making you use it. Nobody's forcing you to donate. Literally nobody is 'missing out' because a few hundred thousand people donated their spare change to fund the one fucking site we have, at all, that is worth said spare change. I'd rather throw a dollar at AO3 every single day for the rest of my entire life than be forced to used Wattpad or LiveJournal.

Oxfam 2019 - 2022: £30,790,000. A 24% increase. Bernardo's 2021: £280,500,000. RSPCA 2021: £151,800,000.

wow, it’s amazing how many defenders of a fanfic site manage to be so fucking illiterate.

yes you petulant little stooge, I am pissed that AO3 got so much money when people on this webbed site are literally starving and trying to pay for surgery and, you know, actual important shit like that

I’m pissed that every six months the Greek chorus of “ooooooooooooh donate to AO3 and the OTW because the legal work they do is impoooooortaaaaaaaant” starts up again, that legal advocacy is the number one thing people cite to get other people to part with their money, that mutuals who really should know better have told me that the OTW is ~~~pretty much always~~~ involved in some legal development when all of that is a full fucking lie, it’s a goddamn joke to imagine one nonprofit’s legal department is actively protecting all of us from being sued while somehow also spending no money, especially when they didn’t even protect their own users from having their work stolen off AO3 and put behind a paywall a couple years back, give me an entire break

and in exactly the same way, “because of your generosity, we have a sizeable surplus and we’re now looking into a diversified investment portfolio” was a lie for years and it never happened and they finally just… quietly omitted it from their financial reports

I’m pissed that a fourteen year old nonprofit has never bothered to diversify their funding at all with grants for specific projects, and instead relies on unallocated funds from donors, and they justify this piss poor practice simply because “we are supported entirely by our users” looks better

I’m pissed that every time I mention how their “transparent” budget is actually pretty pants about certain things, like the fact that they changed the amounts in their estimated columns to match what actually came in, and how nonprofit budgets are publicly available for this exact reason, so that we the public can decide if they’re actually doing what they ought to be doing before we give them our money, some tiresome little pissant climbs out of a puddle to send me a link to the exact fucking spreadsheet I got my information from

so no I will not be leaving it alone, thanks, I will fucking increase the fucking thing. you sound like a sucker, so you’d better go donate to AO3

[innytoes]

Ok those chaotic prompts are amazing. 19 for polyphantoms?

When Alex told him about his relationship with his band mates, Willie had thought it was kind of cool. He was an open-minded kind of dude, and he could tell they made Alex happy. He'd made sure to reassure his boyfriend that he didn't mind at all, that he was glad he found something that worked for him.

He kind of regretted not asking for a flow chart, though. He wasn't sure if that was rude or not.

As far as he could tell, Luke and Reggie were dating Julie. Bobby was dating Reggie, but not Luke or Julie. Though he might be sleeping with Luke. Julie was dating Flynn, who was dating Reggie and Carrie. Carrie and Luke had this thing where either they hated each other or they were fucking like crazy, and honestly Willie wasn't sure he wanted to know.

And Alex... Willie had no idea who exactly Alex was dating, sleeping with, or what. Obviously not Julie and Flynn, he'd made that much clear. He and Carrie were Ultimate Dance Buddies, which was both adorable and sometimes really fucking hot. He's not sure if Carrie was the one that convinced Alex those short shorts were absolutely essential to learning new choreography but if she did he should get her flowers.

As for the guys, well, they were all so touchy it was almost impossible to figure out who was dating who. Alex and Reggie bickered so much you'd think they didn't like each other, or that they were an old married couple. Luke was known to drape himself over any of the guys, and the fact that Alex didn't shove him off probably meant something, right? And once when he came to pick Alex up for a date, he'd seen Bobby give him such a sweet goodbye kiss he nearly ruined the moment to go 'awwww'.

What was even more confusing was that Willie somehow found himself pulled into their little group until he wasn't entirely sure who he was dating. It had started out pretty clear: Willie was dating Alex, and the rest of the group joked about how he was their 'boyfriend-in-law'.

Except these days, Luke draped himself over Willie just as easily as he did any of the others, and Willie found he didn't really mind. He and Reggie had started going on 'adventures' together that seemed more and more like they might be dates: sneaking into the animal shelter after hours to play with the dogs, going out for ice cream, thrifting to find weird treasures to bring back to the others. And when they all curled up for a movie together, Willie's favourite spot was snuggled up to Bobby, because he knew how to play with Willie's hair just right.

And Alex just watched him with soft eyes and a knowing smile.

Which was why his current situation was so jarring. "Why am I in your phone as Himbo Number Two?" Alex asked, and even though he tried to play it off as a joke, Willie could tell that he was hurt. Which just wouldn't do at all.

"Because clearly you're not the biggest himbo in the band, Hotdog," he tried to explain. He didn't want Alex to think he didn't come first, or anything. "Reggie got his head stuck between the bars of that Basset Hound's cage on our last... adventure."

"It's okay, you can say date," Alex gently corrected him. Willie blinked.

"Really?" he asked, slightly awed at that revelation. So Reggie thought of them as dates too? And he'd apparently told Alex, but not Willie? More importantly, he could have been kissing Reggie this whole time?

Alex laughed, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Really. And since you didn't seem to know that, I feel like if anyone should be labeled Himbo Number Two, it should be you, Speed Bump."

"Okay, now I really need a flow chart," Willie complained. Who knew who else he could be kissing?

[cheolbooluvr]

the social club - chapter two

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pairing: svt x fem!reader

genre: murder mystery, angst

word count: 3.6k

warnings: graphic depictions and mentions of death, nausea, grief, swearing, our super rich and super bougie ““friends””, and um a cynical view of religion

a/n: it's here! we are getting the ball rolling on this story and honestly, i’m pretty excited. it’s been so nice seeing the feedback and asks to be on the tag list *sobs* thank you for your support thus far, and i rly hope you enjoy this chapter!! any and all feedback is always appreciated <3

tag list: @carat-cakes @lavenderautumnx​ @gyukult​ @wh4txium1n​ @twogyuu @dj-bboo

social club masterlist

my main masterlist ＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／

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↤ chapter one

Dear God,

If you’re out there, why do you hate me? And why the hell would you give me such a shitty acid reflux? Why do I want to throw up so much these days?

Jesus. Oh, shit. Sorry.

It’s a bit of a bad thing when you say the Lord’s name in vain or something, right? Honestly, you weren’t sure, your parents had stopped taking you to church at a young age when they found out the pastor had 1) been cheating on his wife, and 2) embezzling money from the donations they’d ask for every Sunday after service. You didn’t care though because it meant you could sleep in later on Sunday mornings, and you definitely weren’t going to complain about that.

Yet, somehow, maybe you had found your way back into religion, begging to someone, or something, somewhere out there and asking them to get you away from here. Your vision and eyesight became murky, just like the river water that day, the one that kept running, kept flowing, and kept washing her blood and sweat downstream, leaving just her body on the bank. It stopped for no one, not even the dead.

Apparently, neither did the school. It felt like you were the only one who was still mourning her loss, bothered by the fact that someone was found dead on your campus, and not just anyone, not just your best friend and roommate, but the school’s most popular girl and the headmaster’s daughter. Surely, someone else had to have cared the way you did, right?

Blood quickly drained from your face, your skin growing colder and head feeling lighter as if it was pooling at the bottom of your body. Your feet grew heavier and dragged on with every step down the hallway as you did your best to go somewhere, anywhere but here, and fast.

A familiar voice called out to you. You looked up to see a concerned expression, one that belonged to Kwon Soonyoung. “Are you okay?” In your blur, you hadn’t realized that you were gripping onto the edge of the window sill for dear life trying to support yourself. You quickly propped your body up, doing your best to stand up straight, your knees however yielding to gravity as they buckled towards the ground. Soonyoung swiftly grabbed your arms to help you, the skin between his eyebrows creased with worry.

Soonyoung was yet another member of the Social Club, his role being the chair of special events. He was a known party boy and if you wanted to have a good time, you just had to follow the trail to Kwon Soonyoung, the boy with the slit in his eyebrow, an impulsive decision that almost ended with him having no eyebrows at all. Loud and erratic, it was hard to miss his presence no matter where you went. Time after time, you could recognize his maniacal laughter even from across campus, but something about this dude made him… approachable. According to Hyeyoon, his entire birth chart consisted solely of Gemini, and even after she had extensively explained his astrology to you, all you got from it was “he’s fucking crazy.”

“Yeah, basically,” Hyeyoon had said with a shrug, turning around in her swivel chair and shifting her attention back to filing her nails. Though it was also because of this “duality” that you’d later find out contributed to a certain softness to Soonyoung—for instance, right now was a good example. No matter how wild he could be, he cared deeply for those around him and even if the two of you weren’t close, he was never the type to just leave you for dead if you were in need of help, just like you were now.

“I’m fine,” you replied quickly, turning around in hopes that Jun had ignored you and gone inside the room.

Yet, there he was, standing in the doorway just as you had seen him initially, only this time, he was turned toward you, his eyes radiating worry. There wasn’t time for you to dawdle and you stood up hastily, albeit too hastily. The hallway seemed to stretch further the longer you stayed, your head still spinning as you brushed Soonyoung off and pushed past him, going as far as your legs would take you.

The trip back to your dorm was hazy, the walls of the buildings and trees in the courtyard all blending into each other in your mind, but the moment you shut the door to your room, you collapsed onto your bed, wanting nothing more than to be engulfed by your blankets. For the past week or so, your bed had been suffocating as if you were being held down by the shackles of grief and depression, yet right now, in this moment, you were thankful: thankful for its warmth, thankful to be in your half-empty room, and thankful for the bleary ceiling fan that spun over you as if it were hypnotizing you.

You closed your eyes but were suddenly bombarded with memories—memories of your past with…

With Jun.

Things between the two of you were complicated, to say the least. Hyeyoon hadn’t been the first person you knew here at the Academy, but Wen Junhui, your childhood best friend. The two of you had gone to elementary and middle school together, studying your asses off day and night in cram school just to get into this hellhole, though at the time, it seemed like paradise. The only difference was that Junhui’s parents could afford to send him to a school like this, and your parents could not.

Despite going to the same schools and living only mere minutes from each other, you two lived in vastly different neighborhoods. In his neighborhood, the houses were spread far apart, huge in size and newly built. Those houses had two-car garages, looped driveways, kitchens with islands, and bedrooms with walk-in closets. The backyards had green grass and sometimes clear blue pools where you and Junhui would spend your summer days playing.

Meanwhile, a short walk down the road and you would arrive at your house which was attached to two other neighbors and probably about a quarter of the size of Junhui’s. It was smaller and a lot more cramped, your parents always seemed to hoard stuff like plastic bags and containers. It didn’t matter that his house was bigger or fancier, he always preferred to play at your house because it wasn’t as “scary.” His parents were very nice people, and good friends with your parents, but they were often out of town for business, leaving Junhui to stay with you. You’d often have sleepovers and when you were really little, your parents let you sleep in the same bed. But when puberty both started to kick in for you both, they separated you, leaving Junhui to sleep in a guest bedroom instead.

When you both had been accepted into the Academy, you were stoked to be going to high school with your best friend, picturing it’d be just like how it had always been: perfect. Yet it was anything but perfect once you actually got to the school; Junhui was quickly recruited by the Social Club and started going by ‘Jun’ instead, something about how it was less of a mouthful than his full name. You weren’t one to join clubs, but you also weren’t going to stop your best friend from joining one either. Besides, it wouldn’t affect your relationship anyway, right?

But boy, oh, boy, were you wrong. Just so, so wrong. He started spending less time with you and more time doing club activities which, apparently, included flirting with the club’s sweetheart. The sweetheart was a girl who was voted on by the members to be a sort of honorary member because, of course, girls can’t join the club, and that only made the sweetheart role more desirable. Ask any girl at this school, and they’d mention their dream of being crowned the Social Club sweetheart in hopes that the Academy’s most elite boys would shower them in gifts and love. Lucky for Junhui—sorry, Jun—the sweetheart fell for him, and could you blame her? He was sweet, easygoing, funny, kind, and very attractive. During this time, you two had fallen out of touch even though you lived on the same campus, attended the same classes, and passed by each other in the hallways. You had only found out about his relationship when the sweetheart herself burst through your door and announced the news to you.

Opening your eyes, you turned to look at the corkboard on Hyeyoon’s side of the room, your attention first falling on the picture of you two at the school’s summer carnival, and then falling to a photobooth strip of her kissing… Jun.

Yeah, that’s right. Your best friend was dating your, well, best friend. Things got considerably more awkward between the two of you after that; it was hard to hold a conversation when the two of you were alone, something that you had never experienced in the past. Even though dating Hyeyoon meant you could spend more time with him, it wasn’t the same anymore. It was different when there was a third person, and in spite of her best efforts to always make sure you were included when it was the three of you, you just couldn’t help but miss what used to be. And so, at some point, you stopped hanging out with them, making up excuses about having to go study in the library instead of going to the cafe with them for the afternoon. Hyeyoon wasn’t dense, and you were sure she got the idea, and eventually, she stopped asking you to hang out with them.

You felt guilty not telling her about your relationship with Jun, but you also never felt the need to, because by then, they were already in too deep. It was better off for everyone if she didn’t know, and you just wanted to see your best friends be happy. A part of you always wondered if Jun had ever mentioned anything, but judging by the looks of it, it seemed like there was an unspoken agreement on his end to leave the past in the past.

Jun went from being your childhood best friend to just a classmate and then… a stranger. Today was the first time you had seen him since the gala which made your little run-in with him even more difficult to process. You didn’t know what he had thought of all this, if he had mourned the way you had, if he thought of you in the days following. Your mind became clouded with too many ‘what-ifs,’ exhausting you to the point of sleep. At least when you were asleep, you could briefly escape this dark reality.

———

The sunlight was bright today, perhaps a little too bright than it should have been, but that was the least of your worries. You were sitting in an open field of grass, a cool gentle breeze grazing your skin against the warmth of the sun. “Hey, silly! What are you still doing over there?” You turned your head to see a small figure in the distance beckoning you over to her. It was hard to make out who exactly it was, but you could see her smile even from where you were sitting. Your lips stretched across your face into a grin and you stood onto your feet, the wind picking up as you skipped over in her direction, yet as you came closer to her, she started running away from you, her small giggles were familiar and comforting as if you were playing a game.

She led you into a forest, the shade from the trees replacing the heat of the sunlight with a sudden chill that caused goosebumps to form on your skin. You kept trying to catch up to her, but she continued to stray further from you until suddenly you stopped hearing her laughter. The leaves under your feet crunched and when you looked down, you found that you had been barefoot this whole time. Not only that, the leaves had dark spots, as if someone had splattered paint on them. Looking past the few under your feet, you saw that it created a trail even deeper into the trees and so you followed its path. As you continued to pursue this unconventional trail, the sky grew darker and your skin grew colder. Your heart began to palpitate with every step you took until you had reached the end of the flat ground before it tapered harshly downward. At the bottom of the steep hill was a river which you recognized as the one by school. The sound of water gushing filled your ears, and day turned to night in the blink of an eye.

Your attention was suddenly caught by something dark along the bank. You froze, your breathing sped up until it no longer felt like any air would come out—you were now choking, your throat constricting around nothing. Reaching your arm out, you tried to grab for the figure, for her, but she was too far away. Suddenly the ground felt like it was stretching, the distance between you growing at a hyperbolic speed until she was out of sight, the world suddenly black.

———

Your body shot up in a cold sweat, your lungs working double time as you panted, trying to regain some oxygen you had lost in your sleep. There was a quiet, gentle knock on the door. Grabbing your phone, you checked the time. 9:00 AM. The blinds in your room were slightly open, allowing in a bit of sunlight through the cracks.

You threw your legs over the edge of your bed and slipped your feet into your dorm slippers. You opened the blinds fully so that the room would look less like a dungeon and more like, well, anything else. Turning around, you headed to the door to address the source of the knocking. A boy stood outside with his hands behind his back, his eyes elsewhere until he saw your face.

“Hey,” he said with an awkward smile.

“Hey,” you echoed back.

“You kind of look like shit,” he said with a small chuckle.

“Fuck off, Chan.” He was probably right. You weren’t sure what time you had passed out yesterday, but you most certainly had been asleep for well over twelve hours.

Chan also held a position in the Social Club and 17K; his father not only was a member of the board of trustees at the Academy, but also an alum of the club as well which made Chan a legacy. This set him up well to take over once Seungcheol graduated next year. No one would really be able to dispute the appointment, and besides, Chan was an upstanding student—he was diligent in his studies, usually the one to keep you and Seokmin focused on the chapter at hand. Most people would consider him to be “righteous,” the kind of guy who would sit with you at lunch if he saw you sitting alone. And actually, that’s how the two of you met. Hyeyoon had an emergency meeting for debate team, leaving you to eat your school lunch (which, despite going to a rich private school, was absolute shit) alone. How could you say ‘no’ when he flashed his innocent grin at you, asking if he could sit with you? You and Chan were friends, and he was one of the very few people you bothered to associate with at this school. Even though he was the cream of the crop, one of the most elite students, he was still humble and kind, and that’s why the older members of 17K made him the chair of recruitment. It was a job that came easy to him since people were often, if not always, drawn to his boyish charms.

“What are you doing here?” you interrogated.

“Oh, um… this.” Moving his arms from behind him, he revealed a beige A6 envelope with a shimmery red wax seal on it. You took the envelope from him, inspecting the ‘S.C’ on it, wondering what the Social Club could possibly want with, or from, you.

“What’s this?” you asked.

“Jihoon—I mean, we are holding a memorial. You know, for Hyeyoon.”

Your heart dropped hearing her name and ‘memorial’ in the same sentence. “Oh,” was all you could manage in response.

“I—I mean, we would love it if you came. Maybe you could say a few words? We know how close you were with her.”

Your eyes fell on the envelope again, your thumb running over the grooves and ridges of the wax seal. You didn’t know that even something as simple as paper could feel bougie. “Um, y-yeah. Sure. I can do that, I think.”

“You don’t have to,” Chan retorted quickly, “if you don’t want to.”

“No, I-I should go,” you assured him, a gentle smile gracing your face for extra measure.

“Cool. Do you need anything? Besides a shower?”

You smacked him on the arm which elicited a laugh from him, and shook your head. “I’m okay.”

“Okay, well, let me know, alright?”

“Will do, Mr. Legacy.”

“Stop calling me that,” he replied, his eyebrows furrowed and mouth in a frown. It was because of things like this that you appreciated Chan—his status and social standing in life never made you feel lesser because that wasn’t something he wanted to be defined, or confined, by.

“Never,” you teased. “I’ll be there,” you added, raising the envelope.

“Good.” Chan smiled back at you before turning to leave. You were about to shut the door when he stopped in his tracks and turned back around. You raised your eyebrows at him questioningly. “Do you maybe… wanna help with the memorial?”

The joking smile you had on your face quickly went away as you stared at him, unsure of what he just asked you. “Am I allowed to do that?”

He shrugged. “You were her best friend. I don’t see why not.”

“There’s no way the other members are okay with this. Besides, you have Jihoon, Jun, Wonwoo, everyone knows her. What do you need me for?”

“It’s a memorial, not an exclusive club event. The whole school knew her, but nobody knew her like you did.” He had a point, but the idea of having to spend more time than necessary around people like them didn’t sound too appealing.

“Chan, I really don’t think this is a good idea.”

His eyebrows turned downward; he was getting frustrated now. “Why not? She was your best friend, wasn’t she?”

“She still is.”

Reality hit and that’s when Chan realized what the problem was.

“She’s dead,” he replied, his voice cold as ice. “Gone. She’s never coming back.”

Chan was sweet, but he wasn’t perfect. He knew the weight his words carried, but being the realist that he was, he couldn’t stand to see you living in some kind of fantasy world where she was still alive.

“Fuck you.” You stepped back and slammed the door on him, turning your back to lean against it as you slumped to the floor. That dull ache returned to your chest as you fiddled with the little beige envelope in your hands. You had half a mind to rip it to shreds, and in fact, you almost did if it weren’t for the picture of Hyeyoon that appeared when you tore the thick paper halfway. You stopped yourself, instead carefully opening the sides of the envelope and pulling out the thick cardstock. She was beautiful, as she always was, and you traced your finger over her long dark hair, your eyes falling to her signature dimple when she smiled. You missed her. You missed the way her eyes would gleam when she saw you in the hallway, and the way her laughter was maniacal but in a cute and endearing way.

Overlaying her photo was her name written in large, gold cursive lettering. It was all becoming too real. Chan was right. She was gone. It had been a traumatizing couple of weeks for you, as it would be for anyone who had lost their best friend, but this memorial was the icing on the cake. Tears gathered in the corner of your eyes, dropping along your cheek and onto the half-torn invitation.

‘You’re invited to celebrate and honor the life of Lee Hyeyoon. May she live on forever in our hearts.’ You couldn’t help but scoff at the last line. Cheesy pricks. This was the best they could come up with?

Breaking your train of thoughts was the sound of your vibrating phone. It was a text from Chan:

I asked the guys. They said it was cool if u helped out. I think u should. Lmk.

Then, another vibration.

Sry abt earlier. Hope u can forgive me.

A tiny bout of laughter fell upon you, one caused by both amusement and disbelief. Leaning your head against the door, you took a deep breath, your nose now stuffy from crying. Outside your window, the sun was shining, the sky was a brilliant blue, and not a single cloud was in sight—a stark contrast from the weather the past few weeks. Your eyes fell upon the invitation once more; it wasn’t bad, per se, but it also wasn’t great. It seemed like the type of thing that came out of a Hallmark catalog for the dead. Maybe they did need your help after all.

And maybe by doing this, you could come to terms with the guilt that burdened your heart.

Maybe this way, you could say goodbye to her. Properly.

chapter three ↦

[semischarmed]

The Visit

I glance at my phone. 30 minutes. 30 minutes in this chair waiting for the doctor. 30 minutes in a freezing cold examination room wearing nothing but the disposable gown the nurse told me to wear. Now, I’m normally quite patient, but I begin to worry that they may have simply forgotten about me. I sit up straight, ready to leave the chair and ask for the nurse, when my new doctor comes into the room in a rush.

“Hey, Hey! Sorry, sorry. My last patient meeting went a bit over. That alright?“ He grins and verdant eyes sparkle. The man was dreamy. I could say nothing beyond nodding in agreement. 

“Great! Glad to hear it” he beams. I feel an explosion of warmth within my chest and stomach and can’t help but smile back. 

”Thank you so much for understanding. I’m Doctor Ryan! Good to meet you.” I readily shake his hand. Firm. Sturdy. Calloused.  

“Okay great, so we’re just gonna run through your vitals, and… says here you noticed an odd mark show up near your penis?” I flush bright red in embarrassment at the mention. Unperturbed, he continues without skipping a beat “Hmmm.. we’ll definitely want to get that checked. Probably harmless, but could be something bad…  I know the nurse probably covered most of these questions and took your vitals, but [he smirks] just wanna sure we get everything checked correctly, alright?” Damn it. Doctors always have a such way with words, I can’t help but melt in their arms. I feel a numb happy sensation wash over me and again nod in agreement. He was cute, too cute. God. Of course, whatever he thought this appointment was, he was completely off. Most likely picked up the wrong sheet or something, cause I only came for some immunizations. 

Still, the man has me spellbound. I comply with his every whim as he continues running through his normal questioning. In every word, he further puts my will to sleep, with every phrase he draws me closer. To me, his every sentence has progressively slowed the world around us. Not that I’m complaining. I am adrift, motionless in his pool of questioning, sandwiched between warm ocean and sunlight. For a short few moments, I am at peace. I was practically sleeping by the time the second round of questions finished. I feel a warm hand on my shoulder and break my spell slightly and I focus in on his beautiful face. “You okay there, bud?” More nods his way.

“Awesome. Let’s get started then.”

———

The physical was.. something else. We start with just an examination of my body. Pale, scholarly eyes remark on my every blemish, my every curve. It would be a nightmare in any other scenario, but in the secure glance of my doctor, I knew I was safe. Still, near his radiant heat, I could not help but get just a bit flustered. My answers are short, odd, my heart rate jumping to his vicinity.

He wiggles his stethoscope in the air. “We’re just gonna get your heart rate okay?” My mouth is hanging open and drooling slightly, but I nod. Really, it’s all I can do. Stunned to obedience. He just spoke so confidently, so assured in his examination. His tone was out of this world. It’s bright but resonant, like each word reverberated his command in my chest. His voice was no less potent. Sound-waves embrace the air with sweet honey, but an undertone of audible trust. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything else, still caught in this man’s spell. Now, a handsome man gets me feeling the same way a doctor often does. But he was both. I can manage nothing beyond a smile and continue nodding “okay.” 

I moan at the touch of the stethoscope. It was ice. Penetrative, cold ice, but in his expert hands, it felt like gift from the man. I imagine the metal is a piece of him, precious metal, precious silver embedding itself in me. I want it in me forever- uh, the man, not the stethoscope. 

He grunts. Fuck. “Sorry” I say sheepishly. That moan was definitely audible then. Further embarrassment floods me, only tempered by by the tingling sense of relaxation I felt in being examined by this man. He takes the odd outburst in stride, giving a half smile before continuing. “Believe it or not, you’re not the first”. The man was a professional through and through.

---

In the middle of making sure my reflexes were still functioning, his face winces, and his upper lip trembles, immediately breaking my illusion. He lets out a quick gasp “Ah.. I.. aahhh” barely audibly. I watch as his knuckles grasp the sides of the cushion in my chair desperately, going white in the process. For the first time in our entire session, the haze cast by this man’s being is broken entirely. I feel the dullness in my mind clear as I take note of the oddness from what had just transpired. His mouth goes wide and his face scrunches up into an emotion that I can’t quite place between pain and pleasure. Maybe both? In any case, before I can even investigate further, it relaxes immediately. Emotionless. 

Then, his eyes twitch before going glassy. Doctor Ryan looked like he was about to throw up. Pleading eyes stare into my soul, but the rest of his face remains blank. I am shocked beyond shocked at this point to do anything beyond stare in disbelief while a shit-eating grin slowly paints his face. His eyes blink back to lucidity- now focused on me, and single tear pools on the corner of his left eye and drips down his cheek. He stops it with his thumb before it can drop further, before nonchalantly wrapping plump lips around it. In a slight suction noise, when he pulls the thumb out his mouth in what looks to be a deliberately seductive manner, staring intently at my face the entire time. What the fuck. 

Immediately, he returns to examining me, making no mention of what had just occurred. This time though, his movements seem just a bit erratic, a bit unrefined. I also catch brief glimpses of that same cringing face every time he moves to the next step in his examination, like he was pulling long-forgotten memories from what should be a fairly standard procedure. He repeats the physical, this time going over my every part much more slowly. Any touch, any connection we had seemed to linger just a bit longer than needed. He almost seemed... Interested? Nervous? Whatever case, with every movement, and every step, his hands get a bit steadier, actions more confident. Whatever just happened to him seemed to be over. I am intrigued, if a bit scared. He was acting suspicious. Too many things seemed to line up for me to dismiss this as just normal checkup. In lustful wishes, I invoke whatever I can, hoping I’m correct. I try to sneak a peak at the outline of his admittedly large penis in his scrubs. Absolutely Flaccid. Odd. Disappointing, to say the least. Whatever this weird, hot doctor was doing, he wasn’t getting off on it.

When he gets to my lower body, he abruptly splits my knees open, spreading my legs wide. Another moan almost escapes me. Thankfully a veil of disposable fabric separates my doctor from my now semi-erect penis. Unthankfully, I can’t help but tent the gown full mast when his ice cold hands begin to trace and snake slowly around my inner thigh. I look at him in shock and he just beams back at me like the past few minutes had not just happened. “Hmmm… great legs…” My face goes crimson and I scream internally at my own inability to control my own body. “Okay, your -hNnggg-ah cha-chart, yes. Apologies for the outburst… your chart seemed to mention some concerns about your penis? Let’s take a closer look” He states, looking up at me with a half-smile. 

“No- er, I think- ah, you got the wrong-” I can barely stammer out a response in the raw stimulation of Doctor Ryan grabbing and gently examining my cock and balls. Pleasure bloomed wherever his fingers glided over. This was a mental battle I could not win. Mind versus body. I was fighting myself, my own urges. He makes gentle cupping motions around my balls, back and forth. I look at him in bewilderment. There was no way this was just for a normal examination. He smiles pleasantly, “just checking for anything out of place… so far, so good”. Mystery solved, I guess. He slowly wraps thick fingers, encircling my cock in an embrace. Not solved. Not solved. I am rock hard. He gives a short chuckle. “Well, at the very least, your nerves appear to be working…. Blood flow looks good as well…Nothing out of the ordinary so far”. I am beet red at this point. Fuck me. I can’t even compose myself in front of this man. 

Then, Doctor Ryan gives it a tug. FUCK. 

“Holy shiiiiiit” I moan out. I turn my head away as my body quivers and gives in to a moment of divine pleasure. Betrayed by my own senses. A second, higher pitched moan escapes my now open throat, barely audible, while the a tiny bit of clear fluid spills onto the doctor’s unflinching hand. I can’t bear to look this guy in the eye. I need a new fucking doctor.

“You know, this is completely natural. Absolutely a normal human body response. Don’t worry about it” he says absentmindedly as he continues. “If anything, at least we know you can still produce, so it doesn’t look like there’s anything to worry about”. He mumbles happily. Outside my sightline, I swear I hear a licking, slurping noise. His hand, looked a bit wetter than before too.That being said, my brain has shut down from humiliation. At this point all I can manage is a blank nod. 

“Well, good news- you’re perfectly hea- Oh! Actually, do you mind?” He begins to unbutton his coat and then proceeds set it on the table beside me.  “You know it’s always a bit hot and stuffy in these rooms”. My eyes can’t help but visually eat at the feast before me. Bare chest and stray hairs poke out from his scrubs. The sleeves are taut around his massive biceps. Despite the objectively unflattering material, it can’t help but conform slightly to his muscular physique. It was pretty clear before, but it was definitely fact now. My doctor was hot as fuck. Something about his last question eats away at my my brain. It wasn’t hot at all. The room is cold, dry, sterile. Hell, this whole hospital is. It’s like he has me back in a trance though. Words smooth as silk, body like sculpture. He had a power over me, so I nod in compliance without even acknowledging how absurd the previous statement was.

“So, as I was saying... the good news is your vitals are all in line.” He laughs kindly, patting my stomach “Maybe eat a bit more protein every now and then”. The voice is warm and reassuring. My brain relaxes to the end in sight to this half dream-half nightmare. I start to get up to get changed before I realize the entire reason for the visit.

“Hey-er, wait! My Immunizations! I needed to get some immunizations done for my-“ 

“Oh?” He cuts me off, eyebrows raised. Intrigue paints his face.  

Then he leans in close, head right up to my ear until the parts of chest peaking from the hospital gown touches the stray hairs poking out from his scrubs. Until we share warmth in that cold examination room. He breathes alongside me in rhythm as he exhales.

“You…don’t need any immunizations. I do… well, I did, anyway. It’s too late for him now...But we do have something planned, for you-we’re gonna try an experimental processss. A brand new… test…just for you...” He whispers. He pauses as he continues to breathe and I feel the hot, damp air emanating from his mouth coat my ear. “We need to test you for... stimulation.” Dear God. That last word he draws out in a far, far different tone than before. It neither clinical nor polite, and it hit like a brick. There was raw emotion in that last word. Raw lust. He cups the other side of my face pulling my left cheek to touch his. Like his chest, it’s quite warm. I’m flush with redness and confusion. I gulp nervously.

His tone returns in its warmth and politeness, contrasted by the intimate position we are in. “Hmmmmm salivating...mmmm... Quite a bit actually. You’re either haven’t eaten… or… you’re hungry for something.” I can’t manage out anything coherent amidst the sensory overload. He continues confidently, “C’mon... I’m your primary care physician? Let me take care of it. Let me take care of you...” He sticks his hand down his own pants, scratching to readjust. With our chests together, I am brought to our present moment. A moment in paradise. When he ebbs, I flow. Like a dance, my chest caves in with every exhale as his puffs out. He does in turn. We were partners. His scent pours out unconfined, unfiltered by distance, concentrated in our proximity. Like rainfall and crushed grass. I could live in it. With our cheeks pressed together, I feel his every movement. Every word spoken drawn in by my inhale. These would be mine to keep. This moment was ours and ours alone. He brings up the same hand, now a bit slimier to take a whiff before shoving that sweaty, funky smelling hand right to my face. I can’t control myself and start inhaling my hot doctor. I lick the man’s hand clean. Delicious.

I continue lapping it up in silence before he finally breaks it to speak. “Mhmmmmm... that’s the stuff... Maybe if we feed you enough of this hot doctor’s cum, you’d pick up on some of his residual intelligence and figure who’s really running this man.” My eyes light up, and the pieces finally all click together in my head. I chuckle. 

“Good to see you too, Ben.”

———

“Leave it to humans to take something so beautifully sensual and twist it. He’s a bit too good at compartmentalizing. In many respects… It’s fucking hot. But, you know, when he’s in this work mode, he sees you as nothing more than sack of meat. We’re not getting anywhere with him without a little push”. Without warning, Ben pulls the doctor’s pants down and fiddles with his new dick- still flaccid. Jesus Christ it’s huge. 

“Look, even this... appendage. Yes that’s an atypical response. I mean look at me, look at this new body we acquired. I’m swimming in this human’s hormones.” He wraps his hand around and begins pumping it. “But see here, it’s still all clinical in this head. I can only get inside him so far. We need something to end this human’s resistance. We need something extra to break him out of this trance. We need raw emotion.”

Just then, the door comes wide open. It’s Austin.

As he closes the door behind him, I see his face more clearly. It’s Austin’s body, but its pilot is undeniably Ben. Austin had a certain swagger to him that my little alien buddy just can’t quite replicate.

Ryan’s mouth opens wide and I watch as his true form exits from my doctor’s mouth and shoot strait into Austin’s welcoming nose. I watch as the doctor goes lucid. His eyes go wide and he stares at me in horror before attempting to escape. Before he can, he is pinned to the ground by the far larger Austin. “Cmon man, smell this fucking body. Feel something”

“If you can’t… we’ll do it for you. We’re going for a wild ride.. relax and enjoy it.” Austin’s eyes roll to the back of his head, and I watch as he gives a crazed grin, jaws open unnaturally wide. His tongue sticks out, his head is bright red, and pulsing silver courses through now-prominent veins. Damn. My Doctor looks at me with one last pleading glance, but all I can do is moan “I want you mine.” 

Doctor Ryan lets out an involuntary scream when he notices the changes in Austin’s face, which only work to his disadvantage as a pulsating, semi-solid mass of silver falls into his open maw. Austin sticks their mouths together. Using his tongue, he maintains a steady passageway for Ben. Using his lips, Austin keeps the doctor’s pried open to forcibly receive the precious silver. Their heads bob back and forth as more and more of the slimy mass falls into doctor. I watch as a massive lumps outline themselves in his throat, then his chest, before disappearing into the depths of his body. I notice a little bit pool and spill out the corner of his mouth. When the process is over, Austin’s body falls limply to the side. I stare at the messy pile of silver goo still smeared over Ryan’s drooling mouth. Should I?

I lean over, giving my dream man a kiss. My eyes flutter at the prospect. Ugh, he’s perfect. I feel the every contour of the face of man who would soon be ours, before sucking up the excess silver an a bit of his drool in my mouth. No use putting this stuff to waste. 

In a flash, I feel ecstasy. “Jesus fucking christ” I moan, as I feel a burst of energy from within. The parts of silver which were Ben settle into me, surging me with power and I feel his thoughts reverberate in my mind. In that split second, I also feel the vertigo of looking from two bodies at once. I feel the immense pleasure of controlling two bodies at once and the parts of silver which were Austin become immediately apparent. Goddamn what a fucking power trip. Austin was mine. A quick rush of stolen confidence from my previous tormentor floods my insides and I welcome my updated sense of self. Fuck yeah. Took a part of him for me. He’s never getting this back. I stare at his body and will it up. My dominion, now. While his head still hung unconscious, I move my fingers and tingle in delight as I watch his hands follow. The moment is fleeting though, and I feel the disappointment as my vision recedes back to my singular one.”Hope you liked that” I feel Ben state in my head. “Just a taste. This piece of us you’ve ingested... I think it’s best you keep it. I find this setup beneficial to us both. We can keep in constant contact this way. You might find some residual power left over Austin too, thought probably not in the way you think… at least… not yet.“ 

Before I can question him in my head, the doctor’s body shivers awake and then spasms before letting out a primal scream. Ryan’s looked... bigger? Almost swollen. His body occupied the same space they did before, but there was a larger presence to him. His muscles pump up, obviously riled into a frenzy. “Just a little attitude adjustment, and...Goddamn easy mode, Fuck!” He faces me. His eyes are rolled to the back of his head and silvery veins pulse all over his body. Seconds later, he settles and his eyes return to focus me. “Fuck yeah, you wanted this doctor, right? Bro, you know my bod’s way better. Fuck it though, I don’t care  as I’m a part of the ride. Remember your fucking promise.” He states through gritted teeth. Unnatural coming out of the normally Angelic Doctor Ryan. 

“Your Doc’s too nice though, right? You… Ben… you deserve better. I’ll make us better for you. Look how much fucking bigger, how much more of a fucking man we are with some Austin mixed in....” I am speechless, but he’s right. The doctor now exuded a dominating presence. In any other circumstance, I’d be frightened and compliant. In the presence of Ben, I felt safe.

“Thank Ben he brought us inside this man. Mmmmmm his brain is delicious… I feel so much smarter inside him. We’re gonna fuck him up. Make him better, like you did to me. Twist his head. Make him want your cum almost as much as I do. Make him want to spread more Ben around…. Mmmm speaking of, I feel him inside me. He’s squirming into us both out and goddamn it feels good.” Ryan’s body moans Austin’s moan. “I can’t wait for you to learn how to do this... to put yourself inside me-Please! Fuck! Learn it faster! That... part of me you stole… I feel good as part of you, right? You like it in you, right? Pure fucking jock. Take good care of it…more where that came from”. It was definitely my doctor, but between the behavior and facial expressions, undeniably Austin. Well, post-Ben Austin.

“I-Arrgh” I watch curiously as the doctor’s body shivers. “Ben’s... ready for you.” He winks as his eyes briefly roll to their sockets and roll back. Austin-er Ryan’s demeanor immediately changed ”Had to do a little arranging inside this doctor. We just need one final piece. Ryan’s body ready to receive its new masters. I need you to put as much cum inside this man as you can... I really like this one, his position is useful. But his mind... it’s so vast. He’s no Austin...It’s gonna take a lot more of our genetic material to tame it.”

Austin-er Ben does pushups on the floor. He clears a few hundred before wiping his sweat all over his scrubs. Of course, despite channeling Austin’s very essence, this body is not nearly as buff or as muscular as his so I watch as Ryan is forced to push up and down beyond his limits, tears streaming down his eyes, hands and legs shaking in protest, forced smiling all the while. Previously crisp scrub are now stained, damp in Ben’s body’s perspiration. The smell this weird, hybrid mix emanated was unique. Of course, it still had the cleanliness I’d expect from a doctor. Fresh cologne and nature- exactly what I’d expect from the healthy, professional man which had previous examined me. This man before me was not the same man as before. Because, interwoven was the musk, the testosterone, the pungent stink of our deranged puppet Austin. It was altogether divine. 

“Look at this.” He states with a sneer as he does a bicep flex. His damp scrubs hug his muscle tightly, almost breaking at the seams. The bicep is throbbing. “I feel this body crying in pain and exhaustion. From his mind though... do you know how muscles are made? Tiny tears regrown stronger” A pulse of silver darts through his veins, immediately returning it to stillness. “What wonderful new information. We’re gonna use that. Fill into these layers with a bit of Ben, and a bit of you”. He starts laughing now “Doc Ryan here doesn’t call the shots…This isn’t his body anymore… It’s ours.” 

With that, Ben lifts my gown and sticks his drenched head near my already-hard cock. Fuck he’s warm. Our sweat and scents mingle and I feel my inner thighs go moist in the perspiration in the air. 

“Austin, to the forefront. Combined effort. We need him body and mind. Let us create a new Ryan,” he states. My doctor slowly wrap his thick, plump lips over my dick. Moment’s later, the man’s wet tongue slides forward. I shudder. A bit tickles in a spot just below the head and I squirm on the spot. Jesus fuck, oh- oh fuck, he’s good- he’s really good.

My shaking hands are sloppily held in place. I move them reflexively in the onslaught of pleasure. It’s like Ryan’s body was made for this. Absolute Heaven. I let out a loud moan as I continue to squirm in the confines of my position. Ben had commandeered some control of Austin’s unconscious body, and it stood there, just over me, holding my hands in place and body. Its eyes were rolled back, mouth drooling. Bits of spit dribbled to my forehead. I paid them no mind. Basically an extension of my own bodily fluids at this point anyway. Besides, whatever made Austin, Austin was mostly inside Ryan now, helping Ben add a wonderful new addition to our collection. 

Ryan’s sensual motions, His body expertly bobbing, beckons mine. Erotic symphony. I can do nothing beyond quake in my seat. I hold for as long as I can but it’s too much. This was it. First, I moan. Then, I scream. FUCK. Goddamn bliss. Sweet Release. Pure Ecstasy. I am reduced to babbling internally as I release more and more of myself inside Ryan’s welcoming mouth. Using his powerful chest, he creates a slight suction, greedily taking as much of my cum inside as he can. The body begins to choke for air, but I feel Austin and Ben smile instead and continue inhaling my cum. Their eyes only relayed one word. More. There’s not much else I could have done anyway, because I continue to spew load after load inside the man. It’s the best I ever felt, the longest it’s ever been and the most I ever given. I sit in extended euphoria, paralyzed in bliss. Logic aside, ethics aside, this was my new order. Our new order. In my mind I strive to continue on, to bring more to this light. So many delicious fucking bodies in this town. So many new ‘me’s destined, yearning for my control- even if they didn’t know it yet. That last bit might have been some of Austin’s megalomania in me.   

The phone rings at Ryan’s side and he picks it up. Someone patches in a call. 

“Doctor are you alright? We heard some odd noises“. I watch Ben in alarm. He cracks his head to the side, cock still in his mouth, and veins coursing in silver fluid display prominently in his temples. He switches demeanor almost seamlessly back. In contrast, like strings cut, Austin’s body falls over me, unmoving. I didn’t mind. I inhale his jock essence as I listen in.

“Yewph- Iw- Ehem.. I’m quiw ahwigh, *gulp*… ahhh yeah.. Apologies, Nancy this appointment is taking just a bit longer than expected. I’ll be ready soon- just need a little more time with this one.” Every word again resounds warmly, calmly, politely in this man. When Ben channels Ryan, it’s like I’m hearing the same person who examined me earlier. He was ours. I glance his way and a bit of my cum is still on his lips as he continues his conversation. He happily draws it to his mouth with a finger and sucks it clean. My cock is drenched in the doctors sweat. Fucking hot. Ben found us a real catch. “Dr. Ben” ends the call and mentally, he’s back to our present situation, back to huffing in breathless pleasure, as he continues sucking the any residual mess in me clean. He gives me a wink as he finishes. 

Ryan then stands over to Austin, and, in a reverse of the process from earlier vomits out the same silvery mass, now slick with streaks of white, back into its container. There was significantly less this time. From the still open mouth of Ryan, I watch the tiny man emerge, giving me a motion that indicated he was smiling. “I’m staying in this one a bit longer. Driving this particular specimen gives me a pleasure not wholly physical.” The mouth slowly closes and Ryan’s eyes show life again. He smiles. I look expectantly at the two of them. They begin making out. The sounds are sloppy and I can’t help but get a bit jealous. Taking note, they both stop abruptly before giving me a wink. The both speak at once while Ryan begins stripping stark naked.

“Can’t help it...You should come and stay in this room for a while. My next patient’s got quite a body we can utilize, based on this man’s memory. You still got some cum left in you? I can’t expand further without it” I nod happily. If Ben thinks he’s cute, we had to at least try. What am I saying? I can produce like a motherfucker, took part of my bully inside, made it mine. I may not look it yet, but I was alpha now.  

“Austin, strip down, I need some new clothes, and yours are a better fit.” Austin’s face cringes and I watch as his normal personality returns. Normal was a stretch, because he was far more subservient now than he was before this all began. Ben then looks at me with a toothy smile as he walks over to my pile of neatly folded clothes and digs out my underwear. He nonchalantly strips stark naked and then proceeds to put on my underwear. “This is a tight- Hmph!” He struggles to get each thick leg through “-ah, your clothes...Mmm! So tiny”. This results in my hot, nearly naked doctor wearing my underwear tightly. It’s pulled to its seams as it’s forced to constrict and hold together the doctor’s massive package. I watch as his cock begins to get hard, only to be restricted by the fabric. He moans at the setup. “Ayyyyeeee fuck! Fuck yeah. It feels like you’re in here, squeezing this host’s cock and ass. I’m gonna make sure he wears this forever. I’m gonna make sure this imprints our scent into this man. Look at me. Look at this muscle. Ryan..mmmmm.... all the brains and brawn in the world couldn’t help you. Every time he gets hard on, I want him to be wearing this. I want his penis to scrape this, to be bound by it, forever a reminder of who the real Ryan is now.”

Ben’s new doctor personality switches back. He politely gestures to his pile of clothes, still freshly warm before looking at me. “If you’re gonna be my assistant, you’ll need to look the part,” he states with a kind smile. I eye the warm pile, almost steaming in the residual heat. Ryan’s body licks its lips. Ben again. “Wear it. This man is ours, forever. Take ownership of that. Of those clothes. There’s so much of your genetic material embedded inside this particular specimen, at this point these are your own as much as it is his.”

I rush over to put the scrubs on, to feel the residual heat in my doctor Ryan envelop me. I relish in it. Still warm and moist with his sweat. It was like I was wearing the man myself. Of course, it fits loosely over me, and I barely pass as an assistant. He leans over to me. “smell it” he whispers. “Smell yourself. I like you better this way”. He’s right. I smell so fucking alpha in this getup. Ben then begins putting on Austin’s clothes, which are a much better fit. 

In contrast, Austin is forced to wear the remainder my clothes, which he creepily sniffs first and ends up with it fitting way too tight and revealing on him. I gesture to offer the scrubs I just put on instead, but he immediately declines in a huff, “No... I’m fucking better this way. More... complete” He moans “This was the way I was meant to be... yours... wearing this makes me feel like you’re here inside me, wearing your own clothes. I belong like this...This is your body, it misses you, and he doesn’t feel whole until you’re back home.” He pats himself. “I can’t wait for you to become this. And I’m not fucking taking no for an answer either. One day, I’m putting you where you belong- inside me so we can never be separated again. Moving around feels empty when you’re not in here doing it for me”. What the fuck did Ben do? The guy, my previous bully was horny just being near me. It felt amazing.

I silently thank Ben. Whatever Austin was rambling on about turned me the fuck on. I smiled. That piece of Austin I ingested earlier- I think his shitty vocab’s been rubbing off on me. Regardless, Austin was right- wearing him, controlling him from the inside was where I belonged. I deserved it. Deserved him. “Wait for us at home- we won’t be long” Ben instructs Austin through Ryan in a fatherly tone. Austin complies, leaving the room, staring longingly at me until he no longer could. 

Ben puts on his coat. “Well then, that’s settled. I hope your cock is ready, human, we have a full schedule of bodies to possess.“

-End of “Ben Pt. 2″-

A smarter version of me would have split this into two parts. Also, preemptive apologies to anyone in a medical profession.

[whet-ones-write]

Fixing Kai -  a Overhaul x Fem!Reader

First posted on my AO3 and forgot to post here- lmao Whoops! Anyway Enjoy! Warnings: 18+ NSFW / Surgery mention / Binding - Being Tied down.

Word Count: 3446

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“You know that’s not very nice.” You said as you looked up at the masked villain above you. “I fix your arms time and time again, and this is how you treat me?” You sigh, shaking your head. “Glad to know i’m appreciated around here.” Rolling your eyes up at the figure above you as he got up with a grunt. 

 “Now Kai, you need to sit and get your rest. I know that’s something you don’t want to do but you tore yourself up pretty badly.” And as much as you knew it, he probably would not listen to you again, which is why you used your quirk to make sure he stayed in the bed he had already stained crimson with blood. “If you keep moving you could re-open the wounds I've stitched up and don’t even get me started on your bones.” You growled quietly as you shifted your stance. “Still, there’s no need for these bindings eh Angel?”

 “You could be a good boy and stay put.”  Even with the scolding it did not change the fact that you did not budge or remove the bindings. “I know you better than that.” He smirked as you took a seat at your desk, hunching over and looking over his charts. “The moment I let go, you’ll go for your knives and try and hurt me for tying you up like this, even if I am your precious Angel.” You mused, clearly unimpressed with his attempts of flattery. 

 “And such a special Angel you are.” He sighed happily as he lay back watching you. “You don’t break like anyone else and you’re oh so useful to me. You take care of me like no one else does.” He offered charmingly.

 “Yeah and no one fixes your messes like I do eh?” Rolling your eyes you leaned back in your chair. “If it weren’t for me you could be bleeding out right now. Not only that, getting you out was hard enough; having you imprisoned like you were. Still, you need to take at least a week's rest rather than getting into fights.” You started to explain much to his dismay. 

 “Your arms are rather fucked up, but I'm getting close to making a break though.” You informed him. Glacing to you, it was clear you had his interest. This meant you could let the bindings go and like the good boy was going to be, he could remain as you explained. 

“I’m close to getting your new arms compatible with your quirk. We know that you had to touch someone for you to use it, so naturally even though mentally you wanted to use them you couldn’t, something was missing.. With your blood samples I have been able to determine that not only mentally do you need to be willing to activate it but it also lies within your nervous system. Although you have robotic arms which you can use, we know from practice that you can’t use your quirk just yet and because of the lack of connections.” Scratching your head you flipped the page as he continued to listen to you clearly excited for the possibility to be back to normal. 

 “So I’m going to need you to be in top physical condition so I can perform the surgery needed to make sure you can use your arms and quirk to its fullest again. I can’t give you any anesthetic at the time of the surgery because if I did, I can’t be sure if your arms will be connected to your nervous system as well as your brain realising you have your limbs back. They’re just a few days away so when your bones are healed we can give it a go, you should be able to help cure the world again should it all go according to my plan.” 

 “I knew I could count on you, my Angel. I thought I had lost all hope when I was trapped in that God forsaken prison.” He stated as he glanced over at you. “It was so bright and so lonely there by myself. I couldn’t even feed myself at the time. They forced me to have a pump to my stomach for it to be filled with food, I had almost missed chewing and tasting food.” He admitted thinking back on the several months he spent there. “Then again I suppose it was also my own fault over the fact that I trusted the bastard Shigraki but still, he will get what’s coming to him for double crossing me.” He smiled at the thought shutting his eyes as he relaxed back. “He will be one of the first ones I cure. He’s such a sick little boy isn’t it? Always scratching, so dry and flaky. Yes, he shall be the first to be cured once I am able to. Give him some moisturizer at that.” He mused as he opened his eyes to you.

 He wasn’t one for feelings too much, he didn’t have time for them unless he was trying to get others to help him, he could pull at other’s feelings but rather not show that particular weakness himself but there was something about you that just made him sick.  Love sick that is, and he knew there was no cure of this illness but he did not mind. Sometimes you have to be sick in order to get stronger, and that’s how he viewed this situation. It was not often you were in trouble but when you were he would always be there to help. His sickness made it so your protection and safety was more important than his own. On top of that you believed in him which is why you gathered other’s to help him break free. 

 Even though all that though you never gave up on him, and what was his dream soon became the both of yours. You were the one that built his very first arms, and something that he would always treasure before he was able to get into contact with some people that could really make a difference for him. After all in this day and age, a loss of a limb should not keep a sick human down, so why should someone like him that doesn’t suffer, be handicapped.

 “Well it still won’t be for some time yet.” You explained as you rubbed your temple. “You still have to heal as much as you can while we wait for your arms to come in. I will have to make some adjustments to your shoulders, neck and head and it will be risky but the pay off? It’ll be life changing that’s for sure.” You mused before leaning back and looking at him. “You’ll have cybernetic arms, that has your blood flowing through them and on top of that you’ll be able to use your power to cure again.” Smiling at that statement, you got up to turn off the lights. “So rest well sir, the sooner you heal up, the sooner we can get you all better.” Smiling as you left him alone in the room so he could think it over.

 Yes you were so beautiful in your working uniform. A plague mask much like his own but pure in white, to symbolise your cleanliness, the light in the darkness of his goal, as well as matching your white lab coat, announcing to others you were his own private doctor and he’ll be damned if the black trousers you wore got him all hot and bothered. Still a temporary cure will come to him soon enough for his love sickness. He can and will show you just how much you mean to him and how damn sexy you look in your uniform. 

 ~ ~

 When the time came for the surgery you were more nervous than anything. What if something went wrong?. What if you were not quick enough and ended up having him bleed out? You did not have anyone to assist you if something went wrong, because anyone else would just get in the way of what you were trying to do. It seemed simple on paper what you had to do but working on an actual body was different. On top of that you had done some test runs on some animals to try and help them get back to what society saw as normal and after a few attempts, things looked up for the better but the failures still weighed heavy on you and even Chisaki could see that.

 You were stuck scrubbing your arms as you mutter to yourself about the process, what you had to do to an obsessive extent before your trance was snapped, bringing you back down to earth and looking at him. 

 Having placed a kiss on your cheek gently, he looked over you with a small sigh. “Do not fret. I do not die so easily.” He smiled at that, leaning in and kissing your forehead. “I am all healed and ready for this. I know the risks. I know what might happen but Angel, I trust you like no one else.” He explained as he took a seat on the operating table “You’ve been there with me right from the start. Through thick and thin and you have been there healing those in need. The children I've brought to you as well as my fellow colleagues that needed treatment. You are the best that I trust and you have the best equipment we can afford. You’ve looked over your plans obsessively to the point I'm sure you’re speaking them in your sleep. You’ve got plans for every eventuality, there’s no one I love and trust more to do this then you. You have this, just stay calm, relaxed and I’ll be happy to talk the entire time. After, if I stop talking I might just be brain dead, and I’m sure you don’t want that now hmm?” Teasing, you sighed in response, shaking your head. He was always like this in tense situations between you both, just trying to find the light side of life with smiles and laughs. 

 “Even so, if you’re ready I am, and we can begin.” You stated, waiting for his go ahead. Letting him remain sat up, it meant you could work around his back and shoulder completely so you can get to exactly where you need to be. 

 “Of course Angel, lets begin.” He smiled, keeping his eyes open as he watched the door behind you as you began your long and painful work.

“Okay Kai, I’m going to go collect the shopping that we need but I want you to remain in bed.” You tell him as you step around the room; laid on the soft and clean bed, Kai was still resting post-op some time ago.

 “I ain’t going anywhere any time soon.” He replied, letting out a low sigh as he shifted in the bed. Even though no anaesthetic could be used during the operation, you had given him some after; he needed time to recover and relax after all.

 However you knew what he was like, you knew what would happen if you left him alone for more than a handful of minutes. With a slight tap of your chin with your gloved finger, you made your way over and gently placed his new wrists into the restrains.

 You had all of them fastened before Kai realised what was going on, quickly fastening the last restraint over his chest and tightening it enough that he could not move more than he needed to.

 “Hey! What’s the problem! Unfasten me! I said I won’t move okay!”

 “I know that Kai and I trust you but, you know what you’re like. Plus if you move more than you need to it could cause damage to your new limbs; irreparable damage. I would be negligent if I let that happen. I’ll only be gone for about half an hour at most. Just… Sit tight okay?”

 With a soft sigh, Kai looked away; pouting like a child as he grumbled a “Fine” under his breath.

 “Don’t worry. I won’t be long. I tell you what, I’ll bring you something nice.” Winking your grinned as you shut the door behind you letting him get the rest he would need still. 

 ~ ~

 You ran back as fast as you could, how could today have been so… so… He was going to kill you! You knew it!

 You just could not get away, every time you were due to get away from someone you were once again dragged away; you couldn’t exactly tell them that you had one of the biggest criminals tied down in one of your off the books surgeries could you?

 Busting in through the door and dropping the bags you were carrying, your eyes landed on the empty bed and the removed restrains. “Oh no…”

 “Oh no indeed.” A voice spoke from behind you and quickly spinning on your heel you were face to face with Kai.

 “Oh thank goodness Kai, I am so sorry, I don’t know what happened and-” Your words were quickly cut off when you were pushed back onto the bed.

 “Oh yes, you will be sorry. Five hours, FIVE FUCKING HOURS I was left on the bed!” He turned his head slightly and gritted his teeth under his mask.

 “Please Kai, I’m sorry. I tried to get away and they kept…” You began but could not finish as you were pushed back again. As you fell back on the bed, Kai gripped your wrist and began to strap the restraint over it.

 “Oh you’ll be sorry. We’ll see what you can do to make it up to me for this.” He grinned under his mask and walked around the other side of the bed, quickly grabbing your other wrist. In a panic you kicked and yelled but he was much stronger than you, even with his new arms and post op recovery.

 “Kai… Kai… What are you doing? Untie me. Please.” You begged but he just towered over you at the foot of the bed.

 “Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you Doc, I’m just going to make you regret keeping me tied up for five hours.” He leaned forward and tapped your foot. “Just sit tight okay?”

 The breath in your chest hung as you thought what he could do, the punishments a villain like him could put upon someone; you had seen him seriously hurt many people. He wouldn’t do that to you would he?

 Closing your eyes tight as he leaned over, you were surprised by what he did first.

 Laughter burst out of your lungs as he began to tickle your feet, under arms and under your kneecaps. Why did he know exactly where to tickle you! Stretching up and pulling at the restraints you laughed hard, coughing and choking as you tried to breath. Finally begging to stop worked as he stepped back. Circling the bed like a vulture in the desert with its prey in sight, Kai stopped behind your head, leaning over he looked at you and pulled his mask away slightly before removing your own for you.

 “Don’t worry Angel, I’m not going to kill you, or hurt you. Why would I? I’m just going to make you wish you’d never locked me up.” He grinned and gave your forehead a soft peck.

 Staring up at Kai, you were speechless, a hot flush running along your cheeks at the kiss off your forehead.

 “Look at you, all red and flustered, you’d think that you had a crush on me.” Kai grinned as he towered over you. Your eyes quickly turned away as he mentioned it.

 “Yeah… that would be silly.” You mumble and Kai let out a loud laugh.

 “I’m not stupid you know Angel, I know you like me; I mean…” He reached out and flicked his finger; a loud gasp left your lips and you looked down at your body to see you flushes stained cheeks. “You really like being tied up don’t you Angel? Have you ever tried it?”

 Nervously you nod. “A few times… but…”

 “But what? You’ve never been with anyone for long?”

 You nod slowly and bite your lip.

 “Me too.” Kai replied and sighed. “Look Angel… I… I might be a bit of an arsehole but… I appreciate everything you do… and… I… I kinda… like you too.”

 The two of you were silent as you stared up at him and he stared down at you. “Well… you… You have me here…” You mumble and then could not believe you said it. With a surprised smile Kai looked down at you.

 “Oh really now? For such an innocent doctor you really are needy aren't you?.” He laughed and grinned, slowly one hand went out of view and your vision went dark as something slapped you on the face. Warm, musky and… and… Wide eyed you stared up at Kai as you realised what was on your face.

 “So… if I was to put my dick here, what would you do?” Kai asked and you breathed slowly, nervously, you turned your head and opened your mind. The grin on Kai’s face as he stepped back slightly and thumbed his tip to your lips.

 “Good doc…” He purred and slowly began to slide inside your own lips. You’d never done this before in this position but already you wanted more. You were pretty skilled at this without your gag reflex and as Kai grunted, he reached out and put his hand on your bulging throat. With several slaps of your face with his balls, you could feel him tensing and getting faster.

 The warmth and suddenness of the act left you coughing and for once; gagging as your airways were filled. Stepping back and accidental slapping and dribbling over your face, Kai panted as he held himself up by the nearby wall.

 “Damn Angel… you… you’re…” He panted and after managing to cough and swallow as much as you can, you whimpered the words quietly. “Please… fuck me…”

 Kai stared over at you as the grin on his face began to grow. “As you prescribe doctor~.”

 Now laying on your front, the slap against your rear stung but… felt so good. You had dreamt of this in the dark nights and late work hours when you were alone, now it was going to happen and here you were; tied to a medical bed. This was not exactly the romantic night you expected; no dinner and no dancing, no long cuddling and foreplay; unless you classed the teasing as foreplay.

 ‘Oh god, that had been foreplay.’ You thought as you tried to look back at Kai, the way you were restrained meant you couldn’t turn your head very far. You saw his shoulder and his arms moving, grabbing something from the cupboard before turning back to you. A soft splurge noise and then a cold feeling down the crack of your rear. A soft gasp left your lips as you shuddered at the feeling.

 “Oh don’t be such a wuss Doctor, it’s only a bit of lubrication; unless you want me to go without?” Kai asked with a teasing tone to his voice.

 In a soft squeak you found your voice whimpering out. “N… no…”

 “Alright then.” Kai whispered and let his hand drop his cock down onto your waiting hole. You felt the heavy weight on your cheeks, the warmth passing through the cold lube and to your now chilled rear. The air in your lungs hung deep and you had to think hard to remember to breathe.

 “Ready Angel?” He asked in a soft tone and you nodded, letting out a soft whimper as you did so.

 The first bit of pressure began and you closed your eyes, soft breaths and relaxing thoughts as you tried to loosen your body. The only issue was it did not stop, you tried to relax but the pressure built and built; when would that damn head pass!

 When it did, the feeling of the pop through your body and the sudden half-thrust brought a loud gasp from your lips.

 “You sound so cute there Angel, you enjoying it?”

 “Hmm hmm.” You manage to reply.

 “Well let's let you relax and get used to this, because I’m going to give you this and then I’m going to wreck you. You want that?”

 “Hmm hmm.” You manage to reply again. Kai let out a soft chuckle and began to buck his hips.

 The night could not last long enough.

[openshearts]

forever & always

m! raleigh x mc 

2.7k words

candace peforms a song she wrote about her and raleighs breakup at the vinyls and things get messy 

a/n: forever & always by taylor swift is a bop please listen to it. Funny story, the idea for this fic came to me while I was singing forever and always alone to myself but imagined I was singing it to a stadium full of fans like any normal person would 

*the words in italics are lyrics from the song 

Candace has never been shy about putting her own emotions into the songs that she releases, whether about finding herself or some kind of romantic angle. People seem to like that kind of thing, feeling like they know the artist through their music. She’s never minded, all of the speculation and her putting herself out there-until now. 

Forever and Always was a last minute addition to her second album. Last minute almost being an understatement seeing as it was ready to go onto the album about a month out from when it was set to release. Fiona had been very upset about that, but eventually she’d gotten over it due to some extenuating circumstances. It had all paid off anyway, the song ended up being the most popular one off the album, even though it wasn’t initially released as a single it started getting circulated to radio stations and ended up being more popular than the actual single they’d released before the full album. 

Which of course is the whole problem. In her haste to get the sound fully produced and put on the album as the final track, Candace had neglected to think about how she would feel about having to hear it over and over, or talk about it in interviews or perform it in front of actual people. Forever and Always is a song she started to write two days after she broke up with Raleigh Carerra and finished a week later after she’d moved out of the apartment they shared. Now she heard it almost everyday when she went out, when she was in the car, and it hurt more than she thought it would. 

And now she’s supposed to perform it at the vinyls. 

“I’m not doing that,” She tells Fiona, not even able to look the other woman in the eye. Candace shuffles around her apartment looking for a pair of her glasses that she's put in some drawer or on some table. “Can you tell them I won’t do that? I will do any other song, any other one.” 

“It’s the most popular song on the album,” Fiona reminds her, “It's higher on the charts than any other song you’ve done, it’s synonymous with you now, it’s kind of your defining song.” 

Candace finally finds the pair of glasses in a kitchen drawer and sighs, “Of course it is. Just my luck that it would be my defining song, the one I can’t listen to without tearing up.” Neither of them says anything, and Candace pulls a bag of pretzels out of the cabinet, then opens them which makes a lot of noise. “Okay,” She relents, “I will perform the song, but just know that I resent being forced to, and that I will need alcohol as soon as i'm done.” 

“Both are noted.”

The night of the show comes around and Candace can’t shake the sense of impending doom that she keeps pulling at the back of her mind. The dress she’s wearing is one of her favorites of all time, but even that can’t stop the upcoming performance. It’s all made worse by the fact that she realized after she’d already agreed to do it that Raleigh was going to be there and see the performance. She knows that he knows the song is about him, just like she assumes the rest of the world does, just because there is no other logical option. Their relationship was public knowledge, and eventually so was the breakup. 

She starts the performance and feels confident. She knows what she’s doing, it’s what she loves to do: sing for people and know that they hear it that they hear it, and like it. She catches his eye briefly during one of the verses but she looks away before any motion can come out of it. 

So here’s to everything, coming down to nothing 

Here’s to silence that cuts me to the core

Where is this going? 

That one almost gets her, not because she’s looking at him but because she can feel his eyes on her, she knows he’s watching and it she wonders if he knows what those words mean to her. How much had it blindsided her when he just casually brought it up over dinner? She doesn’t think about it too much, just keeps going until she gets to the final chorus. Just as she thinks she’s actually going to do this and make it through without anything terrible happening she reaches the last chorus. 

And it rains in your bedroom everything is wrong

It rains when your here and it rains when your gone

Cause I was there when you said forever and always 

The emotions overwhelm her so much that she doesn’t even see that she’s looking at him, and that she’s crying. Suddenly she’s very aware of the fact that she’s looking at him, and tears are flowing down her face faster than she can wipe them away. She doesn’t stop singing, but she feels trapped in the moment like she can’t pull herself away from her own humiliation happening right in front of her. 

But she finishes the song. 

She waits until the lights are down before she all but runs off the stage. She runs through the stage, through the backstage, and out into the cold air. She walks away from the building, tears flowing down her face still. A chill goes down her body as she stands out there not knowing what to do but painfully aware that she just embarrassed herself on national TV. She wraps her arms around herself, mind running with thoughts of if she’ll ever come back from this or if for the rest of her career she’ll be asked about the night she cried looking Raleigh Carrera in the eyes. 

At least if she thinks about her career she won’t think about how much she misses him. She turns towards the building just as Avery comes rushing outside, clearly she’s been looking for her in the arena. “Hey,” She says, running up to Candace even though she’s in heels, “Are you okay?” 

Candace sniffles, “Yeah.” Avery gives her a look, and she lets out a breath before saying, “Fine, No I’m not. I just ruined my entire career and embarrassed myself on national television. I am never going to live this down.” 

Avery looks sympathetic and quickly wraps her up in a hug. “It’ll be okay love,” She says, “People are going to forget eventually.” 

Candace doesn’t believe that for a second, because if it was her she would never forget that. Her mind races with the thoughts of how many buzzfeed listicles it’ll end up on, how many articles will be written in the next few days about her, how many tweets she’ll be tagged in about her very public emotional breakdown. Fiona comes out of the door next, clearly out of breath from some kind of running to find her. 

“Excuse my french,” She says when she catches up, “But what the fuck was that?” 

“The consequences of making me perform a fucking break up with my ex in the audience,” She says, tears start to from in her eyes, “God, I fucked up.” 

“This can be handled,” Fiona says suddenly, “It’s going to go away eventually.” 

“That’s being optimistic,” She rolls her eyes. 

“Well you are going to have to go back in there tonight, because if you're not there to accept your award then it’ll make this whole thing that much worse.”

Candance’s phone buzzes in her jacket pocket furiously, she doesn’t even move to get it though because she knows exactly what’s going to be there when she turns it on. She has never in her life wished she could disappear without a trace more than this moment. She looks back towards the door, knowing that Fiona’s right, but the instinct to turn and run flashes through her mind multiple times. 

She turns back to the two women standing in front of her and tucks a hair behind her ear, “They could posthumously take away the award for being a crybaby.”

“Posthumously means you have to be dead.” 

“I might as well be,” She groans loudly, “From now on I am going to be known as the girl who got her heart broken by the bad boy and then lost her shit about it on the vinyls, that’s the kind of thing that follows someone around.” 

Neither of them can quite argue with that. She knows that she has to go back in, but standing out here for as long as she possibly can allows her to convince herself that she doesn’t have to. That she can just wander off into the distance, go home and shut herself into her apartment for the next three and half days, or longer if no one comes to physically drag her out. 

“I’ll go back in,” She says, like it’s even a choice, “But I’m going to stand in the back and I want out as soon as it’s possible.” Fiona nods, and turns back to typing something on her phone. Candance walks back into the building, avoiding eye contact with every single person who passes her by. She goes back to the dressing room and takes off the glittery outfit she performed in, putting back on the gold dress she showed up in, with its ribbon sleeves tied in bows where it meets her shoulder. As she looks in the mirror she’s silently thankful she’s never been one to wear mascara, because makeup dripping down her face is the last thing she needs. 

She stands at the back of the hall, thankful that everyone’s back’s are to her. Suddenly someone stands right next to her, and when she looks to see who it is she almost throws up right then and there. “What the fuck do you want?” She angrily whispers. 

Raleigh doesn’t look at her, he looks out at the room ahead of them and the announcer giving some speech about the next award. Candace looks behind her to see if anyone is looking at the two of them, because pictures of them together would put the icing on the cake of terrible things that could happen tonight. “What happened?” He asks, his voice genuine. 

“You fucking broke my heart,” She almost growls, “And now everyone knows that I am unstable.” 

“I’m sorry,” He says. 

“You say that now.” 

“I’ve always been sorry,” He says, finally turning to look at her. 

She doesn’t move, but something comes over her and she turns to look him right in the eyes again. Again tears start to prick in her eyes, and she wipes them again, cursing herself for crying at all the wrong times. “If you were sorry, you wouldn’t have been such an ass.” 

He looks embarrassed, “You were better off without me,” He says, “You still are.” 

“Because I’m doing great,” She grits her teeth and tries not to raise her voice. “You love to decide what people should think of you, decide what other people should do. Maybe once in a while you could get your head out of your own ass and let someone care about you for longer than a minute at a time.” 

He opens his mouth to say something but a sound from the front of the room stops the conversation. Up in front of the stage, the announcer says, “And for female artist of the year, Candace Dorian.” Candace rolls her eyes, suddenly very uninterested in having the eyes of the entire room again. She starts walking as soon as she hears her name, suddenly cognisant to the fact that she has a long way to go to get onto the stage, which is another awkward moment that no one wants tonight. 

She gets up onto the stage without a problem, and she’s not exactly nervous, just painfully aware that everyone knows what happened but she had to pretend like it didn’t happen at all. She takes the award from the hands of the presenter, and beams at the audience, “Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me and supported both of my albums. Music is everything to me, and I’m so grateful that I get to share it with everyone.” When she thinks it’s enough she walks off the stage. 

She gets another award that night, for song of the year and when that is over she’s in the car on the way home. It’s not that she’s ungrateful for winning, if the performance had gone off without a hitch then she would be on top of the world at the after party without a care in the world. Now she stands in the bathroom of her apartment, changing her clothes into the sweatpants she knows she’ll live in for the next few days. 

It’s when she’s finally laying on the couch, the newly delivered comfort food sitting on the table in front of her that she realizes that she misses him. That she wouldn't feel half as mad if she didn’t miss him so much, if she didn’t want him back so much that just looking at him makes her want to break down into tears. She feels stupid for even thinking that, because the way that it looks, the way it looks like he broke her heart and she took him back without even thinking about what kind of harm it could bring her. The whole world knows how much she wants him, and that feels like she’s shown her entire hand. 

A couple of hours later, someone knocks on the door and she doesn’t even move. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone, she doesn’t want anyone to even look at her. When the knocking doesn’t seem to stop, she begrudgingly gets up off the couch and opens the door. Of course, the person standing there is the last one she wants to see. 

“You were right.” 

“What do you want?” She groans. 

“You’re right,” He says again. “I pushed you away because I’m fucked up, and I convinced myself that you would be better off without me, because I love you so much that I don’t want to hurt you.” He rubs the back of his neck self consciously, “But it seems like I already did.” 

“No shit,” She deadpans, she knows she should feel something about this but the events of the night have made her numb. 

“I’m sorry,” He says, reaching out and taking her hand. 

She wants to scream, she wants to somehow shake herself back to life but she’s been so sad for so long that her body has all but shut down. Instead of being happy now she’s thinking about the fact that this will have to come out eventually, but not right away because it’s tentative. She wants something permanent, she wants him to say that she’ll stay because right now it feels like the only feeling that's permanent is the one where she longs for him even when he’s technically hers. 

“I love you too,” She says, “But I can’t do this if it’s going to be the same thing. I was always so afraid that you would leave me, even when you were standing right in front of me, and then you left and I didn’t think I would ever be able to get over it.” She stops talking suddenly because she doesn’t know how to say it, she doesn’t know how to tell him that she wants him so badly but at the same time she’s scared to let him in again. 

“The last thing I want to do is hurt you,” He says, taking advantage of the lapsed into silence, “I never wanted to hurt you, but you were right I was being selfish.” He sighs, and then looks at her for a long time, “I came here to try and not do the same shit I always do. I came here to tell you that I’m not going to leave you, I’m not going to make choices that affect us without telling you and I came here to tell you that I love you. I love you so much and seeing you cry because of me was the worst thing.” 

“You really did make me cry in front of millions of people.” 

“I’m never going to be able to live that one down, am I?” 

She pulls him in for a kiss, which turns out to be everything she’s been missing and more, and then says, “No,” still smiling, “But I still love you.” 

And that’s all he needs to hear.

[burnedbyshoto]

Replacement

pairing: todoroki shouto x reader

warning: character death, alcohol mention, cussing, angst

word count: 3,062

a/n: for the one anon yesterday, yet another angst for shouto that involved momo without portraying her as the villain... although she is dead... sorry I hate killing off characters but you’ll understand

Synopsis: When the beautiful hero Creati dies what emerges from the ashes of her end is anything but beautiful.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

She had died protecting people.

She was what could be considered a true hero. Her last battle ending in a victorious explosion, her sacrifice saving an entire town.

Yaoyorozu Momo, the Everything Hero: Creati, died with a smile on her face.

She was beautiful, kind, intelligent, and much more strategic than any other hero on the Hero Charts. She was one of your best friends, someone you considered to be a sister, and you could only watch as she collapsed to the ground as the villain lay defeated in front of her. A villain that you were useless against.

You barely remember the wailing sirens as you held her in your arms, your hero training and quirk useless as she held your hand weakly.

“T-Take care of him,” she whispers to you, her words are barely audible as you nod your head, tears pouring from your eyes. “Don’t let him b-be hung up on me… tell him… I love him, and that… I know he’s going to be an amazing hero.”

Todoroki Shouto was her boyfriend.

The oblivious heartthrob from your high school class was the longtime and very serious boyfriend of your best friend. Todoroki was someone who held your heart and affections since your first year in high school. Affections you had quickly shoved away the moment Momo came to confess their new relationship. After all, you should have known better, Todoroki was a man who deserved perfection and you were not that.

Still, it mattered not, you were highly supportive of their relationship, your affections for the bi-colored man was never discovered. Not once, not ever.

Momo died in your arms and you sobbed pathetically into her shoulder until they had to take her body from you.

You could barely remember what had happened next, only that your old classmates had suddenly appeared to help with the search and rescue. Multiple hands grabbed you, voices convoluted your thoughts as everyone asked where Momo was. Your eyes were wild as browns, blacks, reds, and greens swam in your vision but you couldn’t seem to breathe.

How could you tell them you failed to keep Momo safe?

How could you tell them that she had died because you weren’t strong enough to assist her?

“Y/h/n,” Todoroki’s voice cleaved through your heightened panic, and your back stiffened.

You couldn’t look at him.

No.

You couldn’t say anything.

“Where’s Creati?”

You turned, your eyes overflowing with tears as you stared at Todoroki who stood before you. Despite the strength in his posture, the hero in him bleeding into his persona right now, his eyes betrayed his calmness.

“I-I’m so s-s-sorry,” was the only thing you managed to whisper.

Immediately, his eyes blocked out and he nodded, “Okay.”

With that, he left and hands once again touched you and figures ran after Todoroki who was not slowing down as he went to search and rescue.

“I’m so s-sorry,” you sobbed again and again. It was the only thing you could say as you were taken away, your mental state not okay for you to continue helping.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

The black and heavy material of your kimono made you uncomfortable as you stared at yourself in the mirror of the bathroom. No matter how you adjusted the kimono, no matter how much you pinched and pulled, the kimono sat heavy on your shoulders. It should’ve been you who died, it shouldn’t have been Momo, not when she had so much to live for.

“Are you okay?” Uraraka’s voice asked from the door.

Her brown eyes swam with concern, her own black kimono yet another reminder of why you were here. Your nod was tight and stiff.

You were alive, of course you were okay.

“I think I might need to go get this altered,” you lie as you turn and smile softly. “Let’s go?”

“Okay...”

The twenty of you from the class were going to Momo’s favorite restaurant together to end the day. Your eyes were still puffy, red, and swollen from crying and you held Uraraka’s arm and the two of you walked out.

“How long does it take to fucking pee, we’re starving?” Bakugou asks but his tone isn’t one of anger or annoyance, just exhaustion.

You shrug as Uraraka and the others defend you despite the lack of irritation from him, but as you all move to leave, a large hand grasps your wrist. You freeze as you are pulled back and look up to see Todoroki. 

He’s in his black suit, his hair styled in the way Momo loved it, and his necktie was already loosened.

“I need to talk to you still,” he demands and your heart rises to your throat as you stare at his eyes. In all the time you’ve known Todoroki Shouto he has never once appeared like a wounded animal. But right now he looked like a wounded animal that had been cornered and was fearful. His eyes trained on your friends that looked ready to tell him to drop it, but he held a hand. “We’ll catch up.”

Your head turned to give the group a strained smile, “It won’t take long.”

You couldn’t hold his gaze as everyone walked off, it was too intense, too raw for you. The eyes of someone who had lost their lover was something you’d never experience until right now, but it was the worst and most stomach tossing feeling you’ve ever seen. Heartbreak wasn’t enough to describe the emotions you sensed from him. No, it was more along the lines of a man who was willing to fight the world to get one minute back with her, and it drowned you.

“What happened?” Was the first thing that he said the moment your friends were no longer around. “Tell me everything.”

So you did.

You explained how you bumped into Momo during your lunch hour and how you weren’t even on duty on the day of the attack. Your eyes were unable to leave his as you explained how without your tech supplies, the villain was a formidable opponent for you. Such an opponent that you were near powerless to him. 

The battle had lasted less than ten minutes but the destruction proved to take months of reconstruction. The memories of how every other hero who arrived on the scene was, even more, worse off than you were, and Momo was the only one dealing effective attacks on him. Your brows knit in your horrific memory of the suddenly clear look of realization on Momo’s face as she trapped your feet to the ground as you had already correctly assumed what she was doing next. Then she threw herself at him, your vision turning white until they both collapsed. You ended with what you promised your friend on what you would tell him, but your speech was not yet over.

“It w-was my fault!” You sob as your head pounds. “I should’ve been working that day! I should’ve been fucking stronger! I should’ve been able to handle someone like that! We survived the LoV and yet I couldn’t handle this o-one villain?! I-- I’m so sorry Todoroki, it’s all my fault!”

Your crying wouldn’t stop as he stood before you, his face dark with emotion, and his hands fisted at his side.

What you expected was for Todoroki to walk away, to leave you crying there because you were the reason why he no longer had a girlfriend. You were the reason why he wouldn’t have his dreams.

But instead, his arms enveloped you in a hug, and your sobs became violent as you shook in his arms.

“You did your best,” his voice whispers in your ear, it’s quiet, and it’s said in a way that breaks your heart. “Thank you for telling me her last w-words.”

The only thing you could do was nod your head as you continued crying, and slowly the two of you sank to the ground as tears poured down both of your faces. 

A secret promise was exchanged between the two of you that day, and you could only hope that both of you would move on past this. You prayed that Yaoyorozu Momo was finding peace wherever she was.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Uraraka asked as you stared at yourself in the mirror.

It was ten months since Momo’s passing, and tonight you were going out with Todoroki for dinner. Nothing too fancy, but the two of you had grown rather close since her passing that you figured that it would be no biggie.

“It’s just as friends,” you say again, your fingers dropping your makeup brush as you turned towards her. “It’s not that… weird is it?”

“I don’t know…” Uraraka frowns as she fixes your hair.

“He asked me to go out, as friends,” you say that last part again, although who you’re trying to convince seems a bit out of place.

“I’m just… worried that’s all,” Uraraka smiles tight-lipped. “For both of you really. You know that the paparazzi and the media are starting to act like those in America, they’ll start assuming things!”

“It’s just as friends…” your eyes fall as you try to keep your composure.

“I know… it’s just… he also was planning on proposing to Momo, I just… I don’t want to see you getting hurt because he’s trying to rebound, or him getting hurt because you’re not Momo.”

Uraraka’s words hang heavy in your ears. Todoroki would never rebound, right? It’s been ten months and you’re one of the only girls he speaks to, the other women in his life tended to be your old classmates. And then, of course, you were no Momo, never have you ever tried to be her either! Todoroki never tried to imply that you were Momo either!

A knock tore you from your thoughts as you smiled weakly, “That must be him, um, I’ll be back! I promise that it’s just as friends though!”

“Okay…”

Your steps were quick as you went to the front door to find Todoroki standing there waiting for you.

“Hi,” you smile as you slip on your shoes. 

“Hi,” he smiles back, “you ready?”

“Yeah, let’s go!”

--------

“Thanks for dinner,” you smile as the two of you were finally walking back to your place. 

Dinner had been rather fun, the food was delicious and a good conversation flowing through you two. The two of you had even shared dessert and a few glasses of sake before you left. The alcohol had left your body warm but you didn’t feel drunk as you stood next to Todoroki. Your shoulders brushed against each other every few steps, knuckles touching as the both of you denied that you were infatuated with the other.

“I had a good time, we should do it again,” Todoroki proposes and you were quick to agree.

“I think it would be a good thing to do,” you smile as your steps slow down. The two of you had finally made it outside your apartment building.

“Um, it wasn’t wrong of me to do, right?” Todoroki asked as his eyes look deeply into yours, they seem to question his actions but you’ve had your mind set on it for a while.

“No, we went as friends,” you insist with an awkward smile. It hurt to say that, you wanted more from him, but was it wrong?

“Right… friends,” he muttered as he looked down at his feet. “Well, I’ll be going then, good night y/l/n.”

“Good night,” you responded back and your heart hammered as he pulled you in for a hug. Your arms wrapped around his neck holding him close; his warm arms circled your waist. But it was a little too long and a little too warm of a hug between two friends.

When you parted away your eyes were unable to part away from his and the next thing you knew is that his lips were on yours. Blood rushed into your ears as suddenly your friend facade shattered into pieces, and your lips pressed against his just as passionate and desperate as his own.

What you didn’t know is that as the two of you managed to unlock your front door and slip inside while still in this passionate exchange, a light flashed from the distance.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

“I heard y/h/n made sure Creati died so she could be with Shouto…”

“It’s only been eleven months, couldn’t she have at least waited?”

“I knew she’s always been jealous of Creati but to kill her to get her man is really fucked up of her to do…”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Two years after Momo’s death, you thought things would be better.

Sure, you were no longer exploding into tears whenever her name was mentioned, nor were you hesitating whenever villains mocked you on the field, but things weren’t better. Whispers and rumors hung heavy in your ears. Why did you kill Momo? Why couldn’t you have been a homewrecker instead of a murderer? Were you finally happy now that you had Shouto?

It was drilling at you constantly, their hateful words and aggressive actions were affecting you. But you had Shouto, right?

“I’m home,” his voice sounded from the door.

“Welcome home,” you responded as you closed your laptop.

You had just finished reading the forum about the conspiracy between you, Momo, and Shouto. You knew that you shouldn’t be reading it, but it was something you’ve become obsessive about, always trying to read what people thought about you. It was something that seemed to be growing in hate as the months passed by, and as someone who used to be favorable in the eyes of the people to suddenly be hated was… nauseating.

Your eyes closed at the gentle press of his lips to your temple, but your breathing shook as he pulled away.

“You were reading the forum again…”

You don’t say anything, choosing to nod instead you stand up ready to distract yourself with other things.

“Nothing they say is true, and you know that,” Shouto reminds you, and you weakly nod.

There was something that had been eating at you for some time now, three slip-ups that seemed to be proving at least one theory of the haters, and although you didn’t want to say it, it was coming up like vomit.

“Do you even love me?”

Shouto stopped in his tracks, his body tensing as if this was a question that he never wanted you to ask.

“Y/n, you know that I do.”

You stood up, your face dark, and your fists clenched at your side.

“You don’t have to be in love with me, you know. I know you say that I shouldn’t listen to everyone who shits on me, and believe me I-I don’t! I know no matter how much I blame myself for Momo’s death I am not at fault! I know that no matter h-how much it haunts me and no matter how much I wished it was me instead of her w-we can’t go back! But do you love me, or am I just some safety net?!” That was all it took it seemed for you to start spewing your insecurities, the reasons as to why Shouto was dealing with you. “Am I just… am I a replacement for Momo?”

Shouto stared at you, his face unreadable and his body stiff as he continued looking at you, “Let’s just go to bed.”

“No!” You snap, your head shaking. This conversation needed to be said, it needed to be discussed because now that it was out in the open it was going to rot. 

You wanted him to tell you that you were being dumb and that this was just an overreaction, but he gave you nothing. “I know it’s not easy to move on from someone, especially because it was done in a way where you had no choice! Your ending with Momo was forced and it was unwanted! The two of you broke up not because you wanted to or because she wanted to but because life fucking sucks! You’ve called out her name many times at night, even to this day, and I know you’ve called me Momo in bed! It’s just… fuck, Shouto, I don’t want to be a rebound or a safety net! I want to be loved and I want to be the reason why you’re happy, but I’m not!”

“Then why are you still here?” He asks his face stone cold and his tone even harsher.

“Because I want you to tell me that you love me because you love me! I don’t want your love because I was the closest thing to Momo left! I’m not a r-replacement…” Your voice is frustrated, your throat burning with restricted emotions as you twist your fingers.

Where you really just a distraction this entire time?

Shouto looks at you, his body releasing all the tension within him as his truth finally bleed through.

“I’m sorry,” his voice whispers, “I’m sorry that I can’t tell you what you want to hear… I wish-- I want to love you so badly.”

The two of you stare at each other in the kitchen of your shared home. The walls of pictures of you two screaming about how fake everything has been. The emotions that painted these walls had just been a lie, a distraction, a replacement of what should have been true.

Tears flow from your eyes as your throat constricts with ugly emotions.

You were nothing but the next best thing, not someone he wanted because you were the one. Your hair covered your eyes as you look down, your cries silenced as you bit down on your tongue. They were right, he didn’t love you the way you wanted him to. He didn’t see you as you but as a distraction from Momo.

“O-Okay,” you sniffle as you try to smile at him. “Obviously this r-relationship can’t go on any further… I-I, um, I wish you well. I hope that one day you can find the person out there that will make Momo second best…”

“Y/n--”

“Goodbye, Todoroki,” you whisper as you turn and walk away.

It didn’t matter that you left most things in his place, because just like you, they could be replaced.

[justasparkwritings]

Merry & Bright: Baby, Please

undefined

Previous: Beacon in the Night

          Jungkook stares out the window of his bedroom, snow falling lightly, the only sound, his breath, slowly in and out. His phone, volume on, twirling absently between his fingers. In the distance, he can hear the other members laughing and yelling, their conversation and dinner prep echoing. The Yoongi’s space is attempting to be filled with their joy, as if laughing twice as hard would make up for his absence. Jungkook knows soon he’ll have to go out, pretend to be fine with the situation, and eat dinner. He’ll play make believe for as long as he can, but somewhere between dinner and the first movie or round of whatever game his hyungs force him to pick, Jungkook’s mind will slip.

           As he slips, his five hyungs will turn to the only thing that loosens him up, making his sadness bite a little bit less… Christmas Karaoke. They’ll queue the tracks, mixing in group songs with power ballads, a few hip hop and R&B tunes to balance the candy-coated sugar coma of the season, and for an hour or two, Jungkook won’t be swallowed in despair. But then, your favorite song will play, an accident, they didn’t know, and you will be the only thing on his mind. The tears will flow, mixing with whatever alcoholic beverage he’s consuming, and Jungkook will disappear into his bedroom, try not to call you, and force himself into an empty slumber.

           Instead, he’s staying on his bed, watching the snow fall in increasingly larger flakes, flurries swirling and sticking softly to the ground, building upon one another to form snowbanks.

           It’s in the middle of his reverie that his phone rings, your photo popping up.

           “Honey,” He says softly, doe eyes staring into yours.

           “Hi,” You sigh, his voice always feels like a warm embrace. It’s familiar and kind, steadfast in its ability to sooth you.

           “You look beautiful,” He smiles, eyes not crinkling at the edges.

           “Thanks, you look ethereal as always,” You smile, faltering as yours refuses to reach past your cheek bones.

           “Ethereal?” His expression is quizzical.

           “Yeah, I feel like it typically describes Jimin, but that hazy snow filter you’ve got going is just making you look so… heavenly,” You shrug.

           “You’re making me blush,” Jungkook’s smile moves closer to his wide eyes, nearly reaching as his cheeks turn a soft shade of crimson.

           “What are you up to?” You ask.

           “Sitting, feeling pathetic,” He says, the hint of a smile disappearing completely. You watch as his expression completely falls.

           “Kook,” You say, sympathetic to his pain.

           “I’m trying not to be so, sad, but it’s too hard,” He runs a hand through his hair, tussling the locks to one side, his undercut on full display.

           “I’m trying too, it just fucking sucks,” You say, instinctively adjusting your ponytail.

           “We had a plan, you know? We had a plan, we had arrangements, we had so much fun last year, and I was just so excited to share this Christmas with you, here,” His words are tumbling out of him, succinctly and organized.

           “I was looking forward to it... I bought a new hat,” You offer.

           “Oh?” He asks, happy for any sliver of joy.

           “Yeah, let me get it,” You stood up quickly, showing Jungkook your mid drift and legging clad legs as you moved through your bedroom to find your new beanie.

           “Aye, what are you wearing?” He asks, staring at the space your face was just in.

           “What? It’s a long sleeve cropped athletic shirt thing,” You answer, eyes narrowing. “Why?”

           “You look so sexy,” He says, a smirk on his lips, lust flickering in his eyes.

           “Jungkook,” You gasp.

           “Y/N,” He says eyebrow cocking.

           “Isn’t my new beanie cute?” You deflect the rising tension by placing your new cashmere beanie on your head. You bobble, showing the plush toggle on top.

           “It’s very cute,” Jungkook laughs.

           “I sent a few things to you,” You say, taking your hat off and sitting back down. “And by a few, I mean two boxes…”

           “Two boxes? How big are these boxes?” Laughter was in his voice as he waits for your response.

           “They’re standard, Jungkook,” You’re a little embarrassed by the amount of humor he’s finding in this admission of your Christmas splurge.

           “Standard? Oh my god, they’re huge!” Jungkook can’t stop laughing.

           “I got carried away, okay?” Your tone is defensive and chaste, a blush in your cheeks.

           “What’s in them?” He asks, the crinkles in his eyes present as his bunny teeth part to laugh again.

           “Goodies,” You say, trying to hide your smile by glaring at him.

           “Mm, what kind of goodies?” Jungkook settles down, taking a deep breath to tuck his laughs away.  

           “Get your mind out of the gutter, Jungkook,” You respond, faux shock laced in your words.

           Jungkook rolls his eyes at your gentle scolding.

           “What’s in the boxes?” He asks again.

           “Well, something for your hyungs,” You tell him.

           “You didn’t have to,” He’s always amazed by your generosity.

           “I know, I wanted to. It’s nothing big... I don’t know if they’ll even like it. They’re all wrapped, with their names on them. And I sent a few gifts for you, one from my aunts, one from my mom, and a few from me,” You rattle off the list, which seems far longer than Jungkook thought it would be.

           “You didn’t have to get me anything,” He says, a soft smile on his lips.

           “Jungkook, it’s Christmas,” You remind him.

           “I know, but they’re just items,” His words are delicate, he knows how you feel about the holiday.

           “I put a lot of thought into them okay?” Your annoyance is clear in the way your lips punctuate okay.

           “Hey, you know I’ll love them,” His eyes are trained on you, watching as you soften.

           “And you know, some cookies that will probably be smashed or stale… and a few, other items,” You shrug, a flirtatious look in your eyes.

           “Other items?” Jungkook raises his eyebrows, smirk on his lips. Had you sent him what he hoped for?

           “Mm, oh and something for your parents and Jung-Hyun.” You nod, signally the end of your list.

           “Jagi, you’re too sweet.”        

           “I know, my thoughtfulness is unparalleled,” You shrug at the compliment.

           “As is your humility,” He chuckles.

           “You love it,” You smirk.

           “I sent you something too,” Jungkook says, leaning back against his headboard.

           “Oh?” You’re not entirely surprised, but Jungkook has a way of getting you the perfect thing that you’d never in a million years pick for yourself. Your favorite cashmere sweater, the Chanel purse you vowed to yourself you’d buy when you made any money (which frankly, you never did), your favorite winter coat, a ring with gems from your birth months, a 14k white gold necklace with his initials, a tribute you were sure was tacky, but always made you feel closer to him… a photo album filled with your most precious memories… The year he created an entire journal full of art, poems, lyrics, that reminded him of you… You wanted for nothing, and Jungkook gave you everything.

           “Yes, it should be there soon,” Jungkook’s smile begins to falter.

           “Mine will be too,” You look down, picking at the piece of paper sat on your desk.

           “You’re not going to surprise me and send you know, yourself?” He whispers, knowing the answer.

           “No, I’m not shipping myself to you,” Your voice is hollow, eyes still downcast.

           “But can you?” His voice is small, fragile, weak.

           “Honey,” You sigh, shaking your head. “I can’t keep having this conversation, it hurts too much. It’s just one holiday. We spent decades without each other, can’t we make it through this?”

           “It’s been months, Y/N. I’ve tried holding back the tears, I’ve tried to sing and deck the halls with everyone, but it doesn’t feel like Christmas. I miss you in my bones,” Jungkook’s free hand clutches his chest, his eyelids becoming heavy as the tears start to form.

           “I feel it too… We’ve never gone this long without seeing each other,” You admit.

          The isolation of being apart from your lover for nearly a year… a year of fear, of anxiety, of sleepless nights and terrors as the world became overwhelmed by a pandemic, and the states were thrust into another round of Black Lives Matter protests coupled with an election that could be deemed as one of, if not the most, important election on American soil. All you wanted was Jungkook. His presence, ever calming, his joy, always contagious, was what your soul craved. You spent hours on video calls and phone calls, which often devolved into video sex, any form of intimacy you could muster to tie you to one another. The promotional work of BE, paired with the success of Dynamite and their Bang Bang Con and ONE concerts, Jungkook had zero ability to even try and find his way to you, or to chart a course for you to find him.

          It wasn’t fucking possible. He knew it, you knew it, and few things had been as devastating as realizing you were going an indefinite amount of time without each other.

           “Who am I going to kiss at midnight? Jimin?” Jungkook scoffs.

           “You’re performing, there’ll be so-

           “No, it won’t be you. I’m not kissing anyone except for you and our children,” Jungkook’s remark is flippant, a call back to a conversation you’d had months ago, wherein he asked where you thought your lives were headed.

           “Jungkook!” You say, eyes wide. You’d vowed to put talk of babies or marriage on the back burner until he had an idea of when he would do military service, before 30 or after. You hadn’t caught baby fever, but with Jungkook you knew it would hit and hit hard.

           “I didn’t know I would hurt this much, if I did, fuck, I would’ve flown you out sooner or come to you-

           “Jungkook you couldn’t have come to me, and there’s no way the government would’ve let me in.” Your tone is stern, moving quickly towards your limit of heartache.

           “I don’t fucking care!” Jungkook’s tears are flowing freely. You wonder if it was possible for anyone to cry us much as the two of you have in the past ten months.

           “I miss you every second of everyday,” Jungkook’s heartache punctuates every word.

           “Write me a song,” You suggest.

           “What?”

           “Write me a song, or five, fuck an entire album. Put your anguish into music, sing for me,” Your eyes are bright with possibilities.

           “I can do that,” He says, the idea sweeping over him like a wave in the pacific.

           “I’ll be here, embroidering and puzzling my sadness away,” You offer a smile. “Might as well put it into something productive.”

           “What if it doesn’t work?” He asks.

           “It won’t, I know it won’t, but can’t we just pretend it will?” You assured.

          “It’s hard to pretend my heart isn’t breaking over and over and over again.” Jungkook wipes his eyes, slightly alarmed at the number of tears he’d produced.

           “Mine is too,” Your words were soft, almost an echo of his hurt.

           “So, just, find a way to come home. Baby, please, just, come home for Christmas.”

Next: Pretend That We’re There

[schaefferisqueen]

TGWDLM Song Ranking

Ok at this point I think Im just gonna go in reverse for ranking shows so y’all gonna have to wait until I have time if Im ever gonna get to AVPM. Anyways here is TGWDLM song ranking its pretty controversial btw, maybe (definitely) more than my Black Friday one.

14. What Do You Want, Paul (okay so love Jeff but this song creeps the hell out out of me so I don’t like listening to it that much. its hilarious but a little too much for me like 1 min in)

13. Let Him Come (so its great we love the choreography just ridiculously short. Jeff and Jaime singing together is amazing tho so we stan)

12. You Tied Up My Heart (I like this more than What Do You Want cuz its more fun and Jaime is FUCKING hilarious I could watch just her every day in that song I DIE. Jeff slaps too but I like other numbers a lot more)

11. Show Stoppin Number (so..... this is where is gets controversial. I don't think I have ever seen SSN ranked this low and I apologize please don’t hate. I LOVE ROBERT I love the hips I love the song I just think its ridiculously over hyped and there are so many songs that are so much better. also JOEY need I say more)

10. La Dee Dah Dah Day (ok Mariah pop offfff. she honestly slaps her vocals kill me and the choreography is amazing. also JOEY he just slaps this entire show lets be honest. I could listen to the homeless dude on repeat forever. this song is hilarious and it also makes Paul nervous enough to talk to his co workers and omg genius Jeff Blim and Nick and Matt)

9. The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals (ok so this song has a special place in my heart cuz I was a fan of StarKid for a while but in high school I kinda forgot abt it cuz school. during quarantine I came across this song in my recommended on YouTube and I fell in love w/ StarKid all over again. anyway story time over I love all of the solos in this song Jaime Corey Joey and Mariah slap and genius Jeff is hilarious I DIE at Jon’s false entry every time w/o fail)

8. Cup of Roasted Coffee (ok so Lauren cracks me up every time we stan an uninterested queen. Jaime’s solo and the whole decaf thing is HILARIOUS HER FACE LOL. also all three of them blend so well in this song like its amazing we stan the girls of TGWDLM)

7. Not Your Seed (once again, Mariah SLAYS. this song is so amazing and also so emotional just watch Corey the entire time you WILL cry. also once again choreography is amazing and catchy and fairly simple we love learning it. Mariah’s vocals dominate and this song made me fall in love with her before La Dee Dah. also HARMONIES yayayay we love Jeff Blim music)

6. Let it Out (ok so the solo’s at the beginning of this are amazing we love Jaime and Robert and everyone also the brushing and feeling up Jon is hilarious I die. also POP OFF JON. his voice is so amazing and iconic and the struggle is real cuz like I wanna rave his singing but its nOT GOOD that he's singing but like GO JON)

5. America is Great Again (ok so I love Jeff (incase you couldn’t tell) and this is HIS SONG also the harmonizing background vocals that say whoa or war or who the fuck knows anymore its amazing who cares. also Jeff’s smugness throughout this entire song makes me DIE. choreography is also amazing as you can tell I appreciate great choreography. the whole thing with choking Jon is so cool looking omg also Joey’s face is fucking hilarious cuz he's the only face you can see besides Jeff and its rlly funny lol but rip Ted)

4. Show Me Your Hands (ok so I hate Sam (Jeffs character) but this song is amazing and funny and sad all in one so iconic. again choreography slaps. also vocals slap like go off Jeff Mariah Robert. the terror on everyone else's face is amazing we stan good acting. also Jeff is low-key terrifying but also hilarious we love dimensions in a character. ICONIC)

3. Cup of Poisoned Coffee (ok soooooooo. rlly short but honestly slaps. the harmonies Mariah and Robert at the end and JAIME’S HIPS also Corey messing up the choreo (almost) kills me. I could honestly listen to this thirty second song on repeat and I HAVE so, number 3)

2. Inevitable (this is essentially TGWDLM version of a mega mix plus some and I am HERE FOR IT. this is pure example of Jeff Blim’s genius writing and the songs flow seamlessly into one another and I stan. also jON. and the kick line is the most innovative kick line I have ever seen and I am HERE FOR IT. we love choreography we stan James and Lauren’s choreography I love this show. also this song is low-key terrifying but also so amazing at the same time and the holy shit moment at the beginning is like......)

1. Join Us (And Die) (JAIME. I don’t need to say more but I will. I saw something that said the note she belted was a #c5 and holy shit I can barely sing that normally let alone belt in what is basically chest voice Jaime you inhuman goddess. also Jeff jamming out in the back to Jaime’s amazing voice is a mood and definitely what I would be doing if I were anywhere near that stage and its honestly what I do on a daily anyways we stan. also rip Ted in this song we stan CharTed but stan this song more sorry not sorry)

once again if you get this far you are a superior human being. im always open to conversation just might not respond right away cuz im busy lol. lmk your thoughts

thx <3, alimay

[gunmetalarchived]

continued from this text thingy for something to tell you | a discord thread with @diabolicaltendencies

ALEX

She hovered outside his door, already wondering if he had just been nice on the phone to let her down in person. Even worse, after years of going through the conversation with people she didn’t give a shit about, it was hard to redo it all when she cares this much about someone else’s opinion. It was easy to dismiss gossip and rumour. Not so much the way her face cracked in a smile whenever her phone lit up with his name.

Fuck it. She took a deep breath and hit his door bell, the smell of vinegar seeping up from the heavily soaked chips in her arms. At least she would have some fuel for bribery, and a couple of beers to help it flow quicker.

SAM

Sam knew the conversation they'd had over text was heavier than she was letting on. He'd done some poking around the internet since, but after one or two crazy headlines and hyperlinks to celebrity conspiracy blogs popping up on his screen, he quickly quit he quit. It just gave him more proof that talking to people was more useful than googling them. He still can't believe people actually do that.

He opens the door with a smile, genuine and bright as he looks at her, "Hey!" He glances down at the bag and looks a bit confused but no less happy to see her, "Did you bring food?"

ALEX

“And beer, don’t forget the beer.” She beamed up at him, immediately glad she had come even if this was going to be awkward. She took a step inside setting the bag down in his hall to immediately yank him down to her level. If he had been acting polite earlier, fine, but there was no way on earth he was going to escape her barrage of kisses. She missed him. A couple weeks up north and a long overdue day in the studio aggravated that. The nerves more so.

“Cmere stupid.”

SAM

"And beer." He concedes, closing the door behind her. He pulls her close the same time she reaches for him, kissing her thoroughly like there hadn't even been an earlier conversation. He missed her just as much. Cupping her jaw, Sam runs his thumb along her cheek when they pull apart. "If you keep that up, the food's going to get cold."

ALEX

She folded into him so easily, so naturally it was like she was made to for there. It was still a surprise how normal this could feel. Her experience of relationships had been all or nothing, hot and cold was a mild way to put it. Yet with Sam, things seemed to sit at a constant simmer. A gentle bubble, a constant reminder that happiness was just a kiss away d as t the most. Gentle hands and soft touches, it was all so cliche and yet simply perfect.

Alex shrugged, because in all honesty she was happy to forget about the food entirely. But she rolled her eyes like a begrudging teenager, even if the idiotic grin on her face gave her away. “Fine, but I’m coming back for more later, alright?”

SAM

He presses a kiss against her hair before pulling away to pick up the food, "I hope so~" He flashes her a just-short-of-cocky grin and ushers her inside. The flat is an organized mess. There are jackets, papers and books littered about but they've each found their own neat pile. He's been pulling long hours and has resorted to just enough tidying to keep things from overwhelming him. One day it'll all get put away but it's not today.

"Wow, what'd I do to deserve this?" He comments happily upon peeking at their meal for the evening. He places the bag on the coffee table and settles down on one end of the gently worn couch.

ALEX

Alex followed him into his space, heading straight for the sofa too. She liked his flat, it was funny how it could feel so lived in. Her own place was so sparse, she looked like she could leave at any moment without it seeming out of place. But his was worn, loved, filled with time and memories.  “Consider it bribery? Also, you’re welcome for saving you from any attempt at me cooking.”

She kicked her shoes off, immediately tucking her feet up underneath her and reaching for her keys from her pocket to open the beer bottles. “What have you been reading about? What’s that one?” She pointed to a pile on the coffee table curiously.

SAM

He begins sorting out the food, placing a box on either end of the table within reach and divvying up all the extra things in the bag. He glances up at the pile of books. It's mostly a stack of textbooks but the top one is a novel, "Oh, that's Stephen King's new one." He reaches to grab it and pass it over to her before opening his box and popping a fry into his mouth.

ALEX

She took the book form him, flipping through the pages likes he could actually take any of it in. No doubt she'd be up for it whenever it became a movie, but she had neither the mindset or the patience for reading. She learnt over, setting it back down carefully where he had pulled it form even if it meant being thoroughly in his way.  Alex grabbed one of the bottles, using her keys in a way they were definitely not intended and holding it out for him to take.   "Here y' go"

SAM

He leans backs slightly to make room for her to lean over but not quite enough that they aren't completely in each other's space. But it's comfortable, easy. "Thanks," He takes the bottle and downs a quick swig before smiling at her. "So what's the bribe for?"

ALEX

She grabbed the other bottle, playing with her keys again to loosen the top and taking a large swig to gather her thoughts. Her own food was still semi wrapped, so she stretched out for a chip from his. Taking it, Alex smirked.

“Well, I’m guessing you’ve got a ton of questions. And you might not like the answers so.. just in case.”

SAM

Sam slides his food a bit closer between them without complaint, continuing to casually eat himself. He smiles softly at her smirk, there's a short silence after she speaks before he replies, "We don't have to do this now. Unless you want to. My questions can wait."

ALEX

"Feels like we should rip the plaster off now, right?" There was no easy way to explain that if she put it off, she might stop talking all together. It happened, from time to time. He had just the good fortune of not being around to see it. Long distance worked like that. Alex shifted further into the sofa, curling into the arm to face him. "I'm all ears."

SAM

Sam looks over her and sits back against the couch, holding the beer in his lap. "Okay... I'm... not sure where to start." He offers an apologetic smile. "Maybe if you just-- explain what you were worried about me hearing? Give me the context?"

ALEX

"That's... fair." And it made it all the harder. Usually the songs lead this conversation or the press. Or both, if it was truly awful. She had fielded the worst of it for a few years not. It just had less stakes than this normally. Even when Jim found out. "I- erm-" She swallowed, hard. She pursed her lips to let the silence hang, trying to figure out where to start.

"I was with someone for about five years, l-like I said. He was on my course, and lived with me. We made a lot of music together until he got scouted, and then the thing I liked about him made us... not great."

SAM

Sam nods, he's listening intently, following along but not demanding anything. "And... that's what went into the music he wrote?" He asks gently, trying to put the pieces she's given him so far together.

ALEX

Alex nodded too, averting her eyes to take a sip from her own bottle as her fingers moved to fiddle with the label. “I wasn’t a great person... well I’m still not.” How best to put it? Her early twenties had been toxic, partly because of her relationship but also her outlook. There wasn’t really a way to explain all of that. “He wrote about me, about how he felt things had shifted between us. He took songs I had worked on with him and changed the lyrics to suit his view. And because my family is involved in politics, I didn’t get the luxury of having a fucked up relationship the same way other people do.”

SAM

Sam frowns, "So the media get a hold of it." He concludes. That would make sense of all the dramatics he'd seen from a simple search.

ALEX

“The band charted, there was a lot of press around the music from the few demos the label had pushed and... I was a great target.” She shifted awkwardly, tearing off a larger chunk of the label and rolling to between her fingers. “Things kind of spiralled from there.”

SAM

"Can I ask his name.. or the band's? I don't want to listen." He clarifies quickly. "Not unless you want me to for some reason. I just-- I don't want to look like an idiot if they come up."

ALEX

"Yeah- yeah, no of course. Elliot McAlistair, the band is Vactican Camoes. It was some dumb in joke the boys had." She smiled, softly. It was reassuring, whether he meant it or not. "You can. I mean, they're on the radio constantly. Sort of... unavoidable."

They had become the soundtrack to her life, especially working in the bar. Eventually she'd managed to curate some decent playlists to avoid it, but every now and agains she would be caught off guard by his tinny voice echoing from a shop front or builders radio.

"I don't come off well from it. I'm not... the most stable person in his eyes. And my dad - my brother, they didn't take it well."

SAM

"Well, good news is I don't believe everything I hear on the radio." Sam looks at her fondly. She's sitting so defensively, so worried about what he's going to think or say, but all he want to do is wrap an arm around her shoulders and hold her close. He knows this is her side of the story, but honestly that's the only one that matters to him. "...How did they take it?"

ALEX

Everything about her was nervous, tightly wound and yet somehow restless. Maybe finally talking about this would release the pit in her stomach.

“It’s- erm...” she tried to swallow again, opening her lips a few times before she had the sounds to fill them. “It’s.. complicated. I’m not, well, I wasn’t close with my dad so- yeah. It was very... personal. I sort of- I-I stopped talking for a while. My brother, he was better. But it’s... it’s not something people forget.”

She puffed out her cheeks, letting loose a heavy breath. “He wrote about things that made them look b-bad.”

SAM

Sam puts down the beer and shifts to sit facing her. He slowly reaches for her hand, giving her time to pull away if she wants to. He won't force the contact, "Hey." He shakes his head, "That's not your fault."

ALEX

“No, n-no I know you’re right.” She took his hand, lacing her fingers through his with a small squeeze. It was hard because she wasn’t expecting this comfort, but she liked it. Maybe this is what healthy relationships looked like. Her smile fell from her face though, her eye-line dropping to her feet. “Except, well, it kinda is. S-some of it anyway. They’re politicians so my life just... it doesn’t work for them. Me being me- it’s a bit of a whirlwind.”

SAM

He takes her hand in both of his, fingers caressing her skin. "I can't pretend to know what you were like then. I guess I don't really know your family either, but, I like who you are now. A song or headline isn't going to change that... and politicians, celebrities or not, nothing justifies someone selling your private life to the public without your consent. You know that, right?"

ALEX

On some base level, she knew he was right. And she agreed with him completely. Yet her mind swung constantly, between outrage at her life being subject to the judgment of the British public and shame at what a mess it had become. "Yeah." She said it quietly the first time, barely audible before she repeated it a little stronger. Maybe it would sink in.

"I don't know. I wasn't a decent person, neither was he. And I can live with that. It's become very real, having to explain it to everyone."

SAM

He nods and smiles encouragingly, squeezing her hand lightly between his. Sure, he would need more details for the full picture - to actually listen to the songs or read the articles. But even if it's the worst thing he can imagine... he doesn't think it would matter. He likes the Alex he knows, flaws and all, "Well I'm not running away yet... so now what?"

ALEX

"You sure? There's still time?" She uses her free hand to check an imaginary watch, trying to use the bit to gather her shaky confidence. It made sense he was playing nice now, whilst she was here and in the room. It was what came later she was terrified for. "It's okay. If this is too much, that's alright. My life isn't private anymore, it's a lot to get used to"

SAM

"It's not too much." He keeps up his reassuring smile. "Is there anything else you want me to know?"

ALEX

“You say that now...” she took a swig from her beer with a shrug. “I don’t know, guess if there’s any questions?”

SAM

"Hm." He looks down at their hands leaning in to kiss her knuckles before glancing back up with bright blue eyes, "Do I get to hear more of your music now that I know?"

ALEX

It was impossible not to smile when he did shit like this. Small, meaningful gestures that completely derailed her toxic train of thought. She leant forwards, pulling her hands away setting her bottle down on the coffee table before she flopped onto him entirely. She let her head rest against his chest, curling her shoulders to fit in the space at the back of the sofa. Impossible for him to eat, but soothing all the same. “Maybe. If you wanted to? Truth is I haven’t really written, well not for me. For friends, sure but that’s different. I’ve had an idea or two... just not got very far ‘til you came along.”

SAM

Sam falls perfectly into place, right where she wants him. He curls an arm around her, fingers lightly ghosting back and forth before reaching up to brush her hair back from her face. "I'd love to hear it." And he genuinely means it. There's a small note of excitement in his words.

ALEX

Easy. He made things easy. Easier to talk, to be kind, to be honest. Easier to write too. Sure, she'd been playing around with ideas more form the moment they met. However they were still personal - a real outlet for the intense feelings she had been having and trying to play down. Alex knew she was besotted. Acting cool was tricky when she fel so hard, and so fast for the people who showed her the slightest affection. She didn't even think, she just let it out. She had intended to say 'I'd love you to.' but it came out... different.

"I think I love you."

SAM

Out of everything she’s said, all the supposed horrors and skeletons in her closet, it’s those three words that surprise him. He inhales, chest expanding under her cheek, and his expression flutters between surprise and happiness. His breath catches on the exhale, words tumbling out of his mouth before he can think twice, whispered into her hair, “I love you too.” 

Maybe it wasn't the right time to say it. Maybe he should've waited for a moment that wasn't weighed down by what's she's been through. But he's happy. He loves her. It's the truth. His arm tightens around her in a loose hug.

[edspageds]

Reddie 18+ Drabble - The Challenge

For a request by @candy-gothic Technically this ran a slight bit longer then a drabble, but I liked the idea, and I hope you enjoy!!!

Summary: Eddie is pretty tolerant of Richie’s pranks, turns out, this is a very good thing.

Pairing: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier

Warnings: notSFW, exhibitionism, naked man challenge

Word Count: 1.5k

Eddie likes to think he’s not easily fazed. Faced with the kind of idiots he works for day-in and day-out that like to make demands with little idea of how possible the job actually is, it’s amazing he hasn’t blown up in his superior's face more than twice. 

When faced with the kind of idiot he has at home, well, let’s leave it at living with Richie has prepared Eddie for even the most surprising of events. 

His endless patience combined with his unsurprised demeanor make it so he’s given Richie free reign to attempt whatever comedy thing he likes involving Eddie- within reason. He doesn’t understand the draw to any of those online internet comedy videos, but Eddie’s not really a comedy guy in general despite living with a literal comedian. He has final say on what is and isn’t posted, and when a joke is taken too far. Only issue there is, it takes a lot for Eddie to deem something ‘too far’.

Clearly, Richie took that as a challenge.

Eddie’s on a zoom conference, just taking a sip of his hot tea while the meeting droned on, and out of the corner of his eye he sees Richie. He doesn’t think anything of it, Richie likes to do his own thing, but be in Eddie’s company when he’s doing work stuff like this. It’s romantic, that he just likes being in Eddie’s presence even if they are doing separate things. That being together brings him a comforting blanket of warmth.

But, then he sees Richie, and chokes on his tea.

“Kaspbrak, shit, are you okay?” He doesn’t know which one of them asks, and really has to strain himself to suppress the reaction his body wants to make at the sight of Richie, buck ass naked, standing proudly in front of him recording.

He clears his throat, coughing, and schools his face into a bored expression. "Yes. Thank you for your concern. Please continue."  

His customer service voice takes over, and the meeting progresses. But Eddie’s lost any bit of the little attention he's paying it as Richie glides a hand down his chest wiggling his brows suggestively.

As if there was a way to take this that wasn't fucking suggestive. Eddie keeps his face neutral, but flips Richie off just out of sight. 

His grin grows, the little shit, and he points at his face and then his phone mouthing something along the lines of 'smile for the camera'. With startling clarity, Eddie realizes this is a prank. 

He wants to kill him. 

Instead of murder, he keeps his expression dull. “-and for the quarterly assessments, Kaspbrak?” 

“Yes, sir. If you’ll see the flow chart on page 23 of the packet I emailed you…” While he speaks, he palms his cock through his jeans, completely out of sight of his work call, but completely in-sight of Richie. 

Richie's breath goes ragged, laser focused on Eddie's hand, grip faltering on his phone as he quickly realizes his joke backfired spectacularly. And now he's standing naked, in their living room, with his incredibly irresistible boyfriend watching him out of the corner of his eye on the couch rubbing his crotch under the tv tray he's perched his laptop on, teasing Richie with what he can't have because he's on a goddamn work call. 

Or at least, that's what Eddie thinks is going through Richie's mind. That Eddie’s proved his point, and they'll settle this later. Clearly, he underestimated the depth of Richie's horniness and lack of shame when instead of escaping back up the stairs to jack off leaving Eddie in peace, Richie wraps a hand around his shaft pumping in a smooth stroke, hairy thighs flexing. 

Eddie covers his involuntary moan in a cough, quickly downing a sip of his tea in between talking. He could put a stop to this, shoo Richie off and focus on the current meeting. Get his half-hard cock to calm down, and pretend that he cares about what’s going on in the slightest.

But, that would imply Eddie wanted to stop. That his blood wasn't racing in his veins as Richie watched him through the lens of his camera, stroking his thick cock till it was red and weeping at the head. 

Eddie forces his expression to remain neutral as a dark flush works its way up his torso, beads of sweat budding on the surface of his skin like the growing wet patch on his boxers where his cock pleads for attention straining against his pants. "...It's hard to give an estimate here without more on-site data, but initial estimates by picture evaluation is included." 

He says the words on auto-pilot, having reviewed his notes more than twenty times. He tries to keep his eyes straight forward, but he can't help letting his gaze track to Richie. 

Richie licks his lips, thumbing the head of his dick, the hot length of him twitching in want. Eddie's nerves are a live wire as he pops the button on his jeans, slipping the zipper down slowly. Richie shivers, squeezing his cock as a heavy bead of pre-cum leaks out. Fuck, Eddie wants to push all this to the side and lick it up. His mouth practically watering, he has to audibly swallow the excess saliva.

He hopes the group just thinks he's nervous, or any number of normal explanations for his red complexion, even while he palms his tented boxers, Richie practically shaking in want but holding himself back till at least Eddie finishes talking.

"...any questions?" Richie steps forward, panting harshly as he pumps his cock not even two feet away pupils blown wide with lust.

"Only a few Mister Kaspbrak, what about the…" Richie actually whines low, but no one seems to hear it, and it just makes Eddie smile, shifting to nudge down his pants and boxers so his cock springs free, hard and aching for attention. While he keeps his expression cool and collected, he teases his length with feather light touches that have him arching forward. 

Richie is practically overwhelmed with desire, eyes locked on Eddie's cock, still angling the phone to capture all of Eddie's blatant debauchery. 

Eddie wonders if Richie will watch this later. Maybe while he's away on tour, and craving everything about Eddie. Think about touching Eddie everywhere but his cock, let him squirm trying to keep a good look for the camera while practically rutting up into the underside of the table desperately wanting touch in all his most sensitive places. Wanting Richie's touch in all his most sensitive places. 

He stutters briefly, squeezing the base of his dick, blinking a few times to keep his focus. 

Now, Richie's just behind his laptop. Large form making Eddie's balls tighten in want, the manly frame of him enough to have Eddie stumble over his words. He can't help being distracted, not when Richie's eyes are on him devouring him with reverent desire and affection. Eddie keeps talking mindlessly, and hopes his shitty speakers continue to be shit so no one hears the slide of Richie's hand over his cock. 

He wants him to cum all over his thighs, paint him white while Eddie fools his colleagues into thinking he's perfectly proper, even as he fucks into his own fist slicked by Richie's cum.

"...and I believe that concludes our business. Thank you all, see you in the office on Monday. Enjoy your weekends." 

Eddie doesn't even get in more than a half cut off 'Goodb-' before Richie shuts the laptop shoving it and the stand to the side crowding into Eddie's space to slot their lips together in a messy slide of tongues. The harsh burn of Richie's scruff dragging against his lips. Desperate to touch, Richie’s hands rove over his body, and Eddie's skin lights a trail of fire in his blood everywhere they touch. 

He shucks off his pants, Richie pressing close in between his legs, man handling him to get their cocks rubbing together. Eddie surges forward licking a strip up Richie's throat, savoring the taste of his musk. They can't stop, not now, not so close. 

Richie gets his hand around both of them, and Eddie's toes curl, fucking up into his fist and the slide of skin on skin, so delicious. It drives him wild. Richie drives him wild with thrashing, feverous wanting dipping and soaring through his blood. Like a stampeding herd vibrating throughout his entire body. Until he's on the edge, lips shiny with spit, slightly swollen from their aggressive mouths. 

Richie pulls back, camera still trained on him, as he cums, undone. 

It doesn't take much for Richie to tumble after, and into him, panting heavily on his shoulder. Bubbling great waves of warm affection making his limbs weak and his eyes heavy. Eddie smatters the side of his head in light pecks, warm content stewing. 

Cuddled close on the couch, catching their breath, it probably goes without saying, but Richie doesn't get to post his video.

[a-jynx]

Stuck On A Heart String | Ch. 1  A Drink & A Tune

“So won’t you stay for a moment?”  “Why should I stay with you..?”  “Because... I’ll pull on your heart strings.” 

If someone would’ve told Steve that his band, A Stranger’s Mind, would be taking off into the world of music - he would’ve downright laughed in your face and told you to “piss off.” But, when his band and he find themselves reaching Top Charts, they grow excited… However, with money tight, they seek out new gigs and bars to play at, so what happens when A Stranger’s Minds’ guitarist finds a bartender looking for a life that’s a little more… In tune? 

Find out in Stuck On A Heart String. 

________ 

“So, tell me again why you’re taking OUR band all the way to Los Angeles WITHOUT consulting anyone first!?” Dustin grumbled, watching as Steve finished packing the last of the equipment with a sigh. 

“Dust, come on! Trevor got us a few good gigs at some bars there, and besides,” he paused, slamming shut the small traveler van with a huff. “Money is really tight right now, so we could use the cash.” 

“Okay? But I don’t see why none of us can come.” 

“Do you really believe any of the party’s parents would let them travel with me across the states to go to a few bars?” 

Dustin grew silent, slumping against his usual lawnchair with his bottom lip jutted out. Steve sighed, pushing off of the double doors and moving to sit next to his little buddy, shouldering him as the young boy glanced at him, a few unushered tears settling on his waterline. 

“Hey, I’m doing this for us, okay? I’ll come back, it’ll… It’ll just a little while, okay?” Steve murmured, reaching out and patting Dustin’s shoulder while he stared at him, frowning slightly before sighing. 

“Yeah, yeah, okay… You better bring something awesome home.” He scoffed, reaching up and tugging down the brim of the teens’ hat, grinning as a few curses flew from his lips. 

“Hey, language,” 

“Oh, tell it to my dick,” he shouldering Steve’s stomach, making him grumble before shoving the young boy forward. “Where is everyone? I thought you were supposed to leave like an hour ago?” Steve rolled his eyes, fishing out his phone and glanced at the clock, 2:30… Trevor, Steve, Austin, and Tommy were supposed to leave by noon. 

“Hell if I know, maybe they’re drunk or something.” 

“That’s comforting to know you’re taking a bunch of drunk assholes with you to California.” 

“Okay, hey, those assholes are still part of this band.” Steve sighed, standing from the squatted position and moving towards the mini-fridge, snatching a Coors and cracking it open. “And like I said before, I’ll send you guys updates after every show and I’ve already talked to Will, he said he would ask Johnathan to help live stream us.” 

Dustin eyed him, his brow cocked and lips pressed into a thin line. “You do realize you shouldn’t be drinking two in the afternoon, right? Especially since you’ll be at multiple bars once you get to California - by the way, why’d you choose Cali, anyway?” Dustin reached over, grabbing his Dr. Pepper from the speakers’ top, sipping at it as Steve grimaced, shrugging one of his shoulders. 

“I didn’t choose Cali, it was Valentine’s choice,” 

“You seriously let Trevor pick where you were taking your - scratch that - our band. All the way to California when you could’ve picked somewhere else?” 

Steve sighed, fighting back the urge to roll his eyes while grabbing his acoustic guitar, tuning the strings with a few plucks before gently strumming at them, somewhat drowning out Dustin’s angry comebacks. The melody flowed from the instrument, Steve’s gentle humming adding as he thumbed the nimble lines, not flinching at the small pricks that stab into his pad. Stretching out his legs, he continued to strum when the sound of screeching tires came from the road outside of Steve’s small home. 

“And que the assholes,” Dustin sighed, pushing up from the lawn chair as Steve rolled his eyes, yet he was grinning, before allowing the instrument quieted. Trevor, Tommy, and Austin came barreling into the garage, making Steve arch a brow at his bandmates who all paused at the sight of him lounging on his stool, a Coors cracked open next to him and his guitar in hand. 

“Jam sess’ without us? That hurts, Steven,” Austin snorted, moving close and patting his shoulder and squeezing it while grabbing the open beer. “Wouldn’t have had to have one if you all would’ve got here on time,” he shot back, snatching the beer away from his friend, a few slipping past the two boys' hands, glaring daggers. 

“But, yes, I’m so sorry it hurts your pride.” He grumbled, practically chugging the last bit of the beer before setting his guitar on the stand gently and standing. “Where the hell have you all been anyway!? We were supposed to leave hours ago-” 

“Chill it, King Steve,” Tommy sighed, grabbing his own beverage before cracking it open like an ape. “We’ll get on the road when we’re good and ready.” He shrugged, glancing over at Dustin, who was typing away at his laptop, most likely adding updates to ‘A Stranger’s Mind’ webpage, social media, and their groupie page. 

“Dusty! Long time, no see.” Tommy cackled as Dustin glanced up, holding his nonimpressed look before going back to his laptop. 

“Leave him alone, Hagan, we need to go NOW. Our first show is supposed to be at 8 tomorrow night, and it’s a fucking 32-hour drive!” Steve deadpanned, standing in front of Dustin’s laptop stand, somewhat protecting him from any more pokes from Tommy. 

“Yeah, Steve’s not wrong… We all have to drive cause I’m not going to force Steve and me to drive the entire way while you and Trevor get your beauty rest.” Austin quipped, standing next to Steve who nodded once, thanking him. 

Tommy rolled his eyes, waving Steve and Austin off before marching towards the van, leaving all of them standing there, eyeing it. “Somethings up with him… And I don’t like it.” Trevor frowned as the other two nodded, sighing. 

“Whatever it is, he better get over it because we’ve got a long trip ahead of us,” Steve sighed, crossing his arms over his chest before turning towards Dustin. “Everything updated?” 

“All set - a lot of people are saying they’re pumped for you to be coming to their city, so, have fun and post videos and photos, got it? I can’t run this thing by myself.” 

“You got it, Dusty bun!” Trevor called over his shoulder Austin and he walked towards the van as Steve snickered, grabbing his acoustic guitar before following them.

“Hey, I’ll see you on the flip side?” Steve grinned as Dustin smiled back, flipping him off as Steve did it back, shaking his head gently. So much for good influence. 

“Trevor said he’ll drive first, I took back and so did Tommy, so you get shotgun.” 

“Good, it’s my van and we need to figure out what songs we’re singing so we can get set up when we get there.” Steve chewed on his usual ballpoint pen, making small smudges and notes in his notebook that contained all of his songs - it was a bit awkward to have it out, as the others rarely got to look into it. 

“We’ll figure it out, King Steve, now blast some tunes and let’s goooooo!” Tommy shouted, reaching forward and blaring the radio, making the others flinch before Steve’s hand shot out and turned it down, making Hagan grumble. Jesus… This is going to be a looooong trip. 

__________

So, nothing much happened, but I just wanted to establish the band ethics and let you guys get to know everything first!! 

I hope you do enjoy this little AU and you’re excited about the next chapter! 

TagList: @trashmouth-hargrove, @greyspilot, @your-pretty-bambi, @hargrove-billy, @harringrovetrashh, @baconspice, @harrington-s, @ifuwannabemydingus, @stranger-h, @marythemudblood, @big--yikes​